#i like them because they're dumb your honor

[wonderlandsakura]

YES EXACTLY I JUMPED UP AND DOWN AND SQUEALED WHEN I SAW THIS I'VE READ SO MANY WCI ZOSAN FICS NOT ONE DO THEY TRIP AND ACCIDENTALLY END UP MARRIED THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE DATING I JUST WANT THEM TO ACCIDENTALLY END UP LEGALLY BINDED AND THEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES (AND THEIR FEELINGS) I NEEEEEEEEFFFFFFED THIS

sorry idk what happened I went crazy with the giggles. closest thing I've read so far is that one oneshot where chopper slips up and says zosan is married and they're pre-relationship and Sanji doesn't get abducted from zou as a result.

you wanted zoro to be on whole cake island to fulfil your weird desire to see zoro punish sanji. I wanted zoro on whole cake island because I think he's stupid enough to right place wrong time the plan and accidentally marry Sanji in full view of the whole wedding party in what becomes the most elaborately constructed comedy of errors ever written. we are NOT the same.

[ayverx]

I had a vision from the crazy fairy

He's going to eat another human organ

[aurantiumred]

jason growing his hair out and leo and piper taking turns braiding it in his cabin

them doing face masks together and jason keeps trying to bite/lick his because it smells very odd (he can't tell if it's good odd or bad odd. he bites it regardless.)

leo begging on his hands and knees to go strawberry picking with piper and jason (he's not convincing anyone. piper has to help him) and they get no work done because they're throwing berries around the entire time

jason specifically picking his team for capture the flag as the one with piper and leo, putting aside the whole thing he had with the romans and having to strategize and win to remain honorable to be with his friends

they sit around on zeus' fist and chat about random stuff like crushes and jason keeps falling asleep because he thinks it's safer with them (leo keeps drawing on his face with sharpie.)

no thoughts just lost trio being friendship goals.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Private equity rips off its investors, too

I'm coming to DEFCON! TOMORROW (Aug 9), I'm emceeing the EFF POKER TOURNAMENT (noon at the Horseshoe Poker Room), and appearing on the BRICKED AND ABANDONED panel (5PM, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01). On SATURDAY (Aug 10), I'm giving a keynote called "DISENSHITTIFY OR DIE! How hackers can seize the means of computation and build a new, good internet that is hardened against our asshole bosses' insatiable horniness for enshittification" (noon, LVCC - L1 - HW1–11–01).

It's amazing how many of the scams that have devastated our economy and everyday people owe their success to the fact that we assume that rich people know what they're doing, so if they're doing something, it must be real.

Think of how many people lost everything by gambling on junk bonds, exotic mortgage derivatives, cryptocurrency and web3, because they saw that the largest financial institutions in the world were going all-in on these weird, incomprehensible bets.

Then there are the people who are convinced that online advertising is built around a mind-control ray, because tech companies claim that's what they have ("I am an evil dopamine-loop-hacking wizard and I can sell anything to anyone!"), and because huge, sober blue-chip companies hand billions to these soi dissant svengalis. Sure, online ads are a swamp of clickfraud and garbage, but would these super smart captains of industry spend so much on online advertising if it didn't work super-well?

http://pluralistic.net/HowToDestroySurveillanceCapitalism

From our worms'-eye-view here on the ground, it's easy to assume that rich people and the people who sell them stuff are all on the same side. "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product," right? If Facebook is tormenting you with surveillance advertising, it must be doing so on behalf of the surveillance advertisers, for whom Mark Zuckerberg has bottomless reservoirs of honest, forthright impulses.

The reality is simultaneously weirder, and obvious in hindsight. The reason Zuck is tormenting you is that he's a remorseless sociopath who doesn't care who he hurts. He rips off everyone he can rip off, and that includes advertisers, who have seen steady price-hikes and lower-fidelity targeting, even as ad-fraud has skyrocketed while Facebook draws down its anti-fraud spending:

https://www.404media.co/where-facebooks-ai-slop-comes-from/

This is not to say that Facebook advertisers have your best interests at heart, that they aren't engaged in active deception in order to better themselves at your expense. Rather, it's to say that there's no honor among thieves, and Zuck is an equal-opportunity predator. Moreover, both Zuck and his advertisers are credulous dolts, so the mere fact that they are pouring money into something (advertisers: FB ads; Zuck: metaverse) it doesn't follow that these are real or important or the coming thing.

For me, the Ur-example of "rich people are dumb, even when it comes to money" is the private equity sector. I've written a lot about PE, and how destructive it is to the real economy, from Toys R Us to pet grooming:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/05/rugged-individuals/#misleading-by-analogy

How they killed Red Lobster:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/23/spineless/#invertebrates

And how they actually created the death panels that Sarah Palin warned us about (it's OK, though: these death panels are run by the efficient private sector, not government bureaucrats):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/26/death-panels/#what-the-heck-is-going-on-with-CMS

The devastating effect of private equity on the real economy is increasingly well understood, and a curious side-effect of this is that people assume that if PE is destroying their lives, they must be doing so on behalf of their investors, who are making bank.

But – like Zuck – PE bosses are just as happy to steal from their investors as they are to to steal from the workers and customers of the businesses they acquire on those investors' behalf. They swaddle this theft in performative complexity and specialized jargon, but when you strip all that away, you find more fraud.

All the misery that PE inflicts on workers, communities and customers are just a convincer in a Big Store con, a bid to make the scam seem credible. For a certain kind of investor, any economic activity that destroys communities and workers' livelihoods must be a good bet. This is the dynamic at work in the pitch of AI image-generator companies, who spend tens of billions on technology that there is no substantial market for:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/25/accountability-sinks/#work-harder-not-smarter

AI image generators represent a high-profile, extremely visible example of "a job that AI can do." Nevermind that AI illustration went from a novelty to a tired cliche in less than a year. Even if you think that AI illustrations are a perfect substitute for commercial illustrations, that still won't come anywhere near making AI companies a profit. Add up the entire wage bill for every commercial illustrator in the world, hand it to Open AI, and you're not even gonna cover the kombucha budget for Open AI's staff kitchens.

Hell, all the wages of every commercial illustrator that ever lived won't pay back even a fraction of the money the AI companies spent on image generators. The pauperization of an entire class of creative workers is just a canned demo, a way to fool investors into thinking that there is a whole universe of similarly situated workers whose wages can be diverted to AI companies. This is the logic of small-time spammers, scaled up to the scale of the entire S&P 500. Smalltime spammers looked at AI and thought, "OK, I can generate as much botshit as I want on demand for free. Science fiction magazines pay $0.10/word. So if I generate a billion words, I'll get $100 million." But that's not how any of that works: sf magazines don't buy botshit, and even if they did, the entire market for short fiction adds up to what Sam Altman spends on a single designer t-shirt. The point of destroying these beloved, useful things isn't to make a lot of money by taking their markets – it's to convince dopey, panicked rich people to give you lots of money you can steal, because they think you can do this to every market and they don't want to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

Take "divi recaps": after a private equity firm acquires a company (by borrowing money against its assets), it typically declares a "special dividend," emptying out the company's cash reserves and pocketing them. A "divi recap" is when PE then takes out another massive loan against the company's (remaining) assets and pockets that:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/17/divi-recaps/#graebers-ghost

All of this happens under an opaque cloud, thanks to the light-to-nonexistent disclosure rules for PE. A public company has to open its books for the SEC, its investors, and the world. PE is private – and so are its finances. It is absolutely routine for PE bosses to put their spouses, kids, and pals on the payroll and hand them millions for doing little to nothing, all at the expense of their investors:

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2022/02/sec-set-to-lower-massive-boom-on-private-equity-industry.html

PE bosses charge huge fees to their investors – not merely the usual 2-and-20 (2% of the funds under management and 20% of any profits) – but also a wide variety of special one-off fees that pile to the sky. They also dip into their investors' funds to issue themselves massive loans that they use to make side-bets, without telling the investors about it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/10/monopoly-begets-monopoly/#gary-gensler

PE investors are chickens ripe for the plucking: take "continuation funds," which allow PE bosses to soak the rich people and pension funds who supply them with billions:

https://news.bloomberglaw.com/mergers-and-acquisitions/matt-levines-money-stuff-buyout-funds-buy-from-themselves

Remember 2-and-20? 2% of all the money you manage, every year, and 20% of all the profits. You'd think that these would be somewhat zero sum, right? If you use some of your investors' cash to buy a company, and then sell off that company for a profit, you get the 20%, but now the pot of money you're managing has gone down by the amount you used to buy the company, and so your 2% carry goes down, too.

But what if you sell your portfolio companies to yourself, using your investors' own money? When you do that, you continue to hold the company on your PE firm's books, meaning you continue to get the 2% carry, and you can pocket 20% of the sale price as a "profit":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/20/continuation-fraud/#buyout-groups

This is straight-up fraud, wrapped up in so much jargon that it can successfully masquerade as "financial engineering" ("financial engineering" is really just a euphemism for "fraud"). PE bosses keep coming up with new, exotic ways to steal from their investors. The latest scam is "tax receivable agreements":

https://archive.ph/RczJ9

On its face, this is a tax scam. When a company goes public, early investors generally hold stock in the original partnership or LLC; this company ends up holding a ton of shares in the new, public company. When they sell those non-public shares in the LLC, this creates a (potentially gigantic) tax credit.

A TRA hustle involves tracking down these LLC shareholders and convincing them to sign off on dumping the LLC's shares, which generates a huge tax credit for the public company. The hustler offers to split these credits with the LLC holders.

All of this is especially attractive to PE bosses, who often take a company private, do a bunch of "financial engineering" and then take it public again, leaving the PE firm as the owner of those LLC shares that can be converted to a TRA and a huge windfall – which the PE bosses pocket, because they (not their investors) are holding those credits.

This scam is really doing big numbers. KKR – the monsters who killed Toys R Us – just diverted $650 million in TRA loot, prompting a lawsuit from Steamfitters union pension fund, which had handed these jerks millions of its members' money to gamble with:

https://archive.ph/kqQvI

This highlights another very weird aspect of the PE scam: they are absolutely dependent on pension funds. To add insult to injury, PE funds are notorious union-busters – they use union money to buy companies and destroy their unions:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/05/mr-gotcha/#no-ethical-consumption-under-capitalism

People who try to understand the PE business model often give up, because it seems to make no sense, leading many to assume that they're too unsophisticated to grasp the complex financials here. For example, PE is absolutely dependent on massive loans as a way of looting its businesses, but it also often defaults on those loans. Why do banks and investors keep making huge loans to PE deadbeats? Because – like the PE fund investors – they are credulous dolts.

The reason PE seems like a scam is that it is a scam. It is a fractal scam – every part of it is a scam. You might have heard about the "carried interest" tax loophole that allows PE bosses to avoid billions in taxes on the money they steal from their investors, creditors, workers and customers. Most people assume "carried interest" has something to do with "interest" on a loan. Nope: "carried interest" is a 16th century nautical tax rule designed for mercantalist sea-captains who had an "interest" in the cargo they "carried":

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/29/writers-must-be-paid/#carried-interest

But rich people and other "sophisticated investors" (like pension fund investment managers) are no smarter than the rest of us. They are herd animals. When they see other rich people piling into some scheme or asset class, they rush to join them, which makes the asset price go up, which makes them think they're smart (until the inevitable rug-pull). When one plute jumps off the Empire State Building, the rest of them jump, too.

Which is why there's more money flooding into PE than at any time in history, $2.62T in "dry powder," handed over to greedy, thieving PE bosses in a poker game where everyone is the sucker at the table:

https://www.institutionalinvestor.com/article/2di1vzgjcmzovkcea8f0g/portfolio/private-equitys-dry-powder-mountain-reaches-record-height

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/08/08/sucker-at-the-table/#clucks-definance

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY JASON TODD/ROBIN/RED HOOD *  assorted dialogue from multiple dc universe sources, adjust as necessary

i did it once for dramatic effect and it just got to be a habit.

you can't tell, but i'm dozing off under this mask.

a whole night in paris... and i managed to not kill anyone. not bad.

you made the same mistake everyone does when it comes to me.

i want to warn them... but i know i can't.

don't know, don't care. i got my hands full.

do you remember the last time we were together?

looks like you guys could use a hand!

i'm looking for someone.

i'm afraid it's about to get much worse.

the angry, reckless vigilante bit is my thing.

i'm not good or bad. i'm just practical as hell.

you and i are more alike than you realize.

i get it. starting over is scary as hell.

i don't even need to turn around to know that's you.

thanks for thinking of me. i'm happy to help. honored, even.

i generally have several madness-inducing hallucinations before breakfast.

nothing in the real world can be as frightening as what we can imagine... right?

you don't think i understand what it's like to be abandoned? forgotten?

i'll be damed if my best friend is going to die... because he was dumb enough to trust me.

i'm sorry. i'm never going to be the hero you want me to be.

next time i see you, i'm going to kick your butt for this dying crap.

you have ten seconds to walk way. nine... oh, screw it.

there are better ways to spend your energy.

that looks like it's gotta hurt. well, i say that like i'm speculating or something. i know it hurts.

we chose to be a family.

if there's hope for us... there's hope for everyone.

you still haven't figured it out?

life's just a game... and this time, you lose.

i seem to have made myself an enemy of all the bad guys.

it's too late. you had your chance.

i'm just getting started.

hard to forget that night, huh?

in a way, this was the site of your first great failure.

ah... memories.

you can't stop crime. that's what you never understood.

you want to rule them by fear, but what do you do to those who aren't afraid?

i'm doing what you won't.

i'm taking them out.

now tell me... how does it feel?

is that what you think this is about?

i don't know what clouds your judgement worse. your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality.

i forgive you for not saving me.

he took me away from you.

i am no one's son.

what do you think this was all about?

welcome to planet earth, baby.

fear isn't the answer.

you son of a bitch.

we were friends, helping each other pick up the pieces of our lives.

it might not be a popular thought, but not everyone wants to be alive.

can you hear it?

funny, i actually escaped death.

the past keeps dragging me back.

they're not monsters. they're victims of programming, abuse, and trauma.

they can change.

fact is, they're just like us.

we became something else.

you hurt a lot of people.

we don't discriminate here.

sometimes you don't know what you want 'til you learn what you don't.

trust? you? i'll give it a try. but i'll tell you right now, i'm probably going to screw it up.

guys like us? the life we lead? we're never truly alone.

i have no idea who you people are.

you pompous ass.

before i kill you, i want the truth.

i'd like to think i'm an open-minded guy.

sure it was fun. but does that mean it was right?

sometimes i wonder if i'm just part of the problem.

i'm not doing one more damn mission with them unless you get me someone i can trust to watch my back.

knew you couldn't do it.

it's official. class is in session.

[splinterclan]

what is the clan's relationship with the warrior code. Because they don't really seem too strict about it.

I just went and copy pasted the Warrior code from the WC Website and I'll put what percent they follow that rule after each one (never actually read the warrior code so this is fun jsjs)

1. Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from the other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle. - 100%

2. Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan’s territory. - 100%

3. Elders and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders. - 100%

4. Prey is killed only to be eaten. Give thanks to StarClan for its life. - 100%

5. A kit must be at least six moons old to become an apprentice. - 100%

6. Newly appointed warriors will keep a silent vigil for one night after receiving their warrior name. - 100%

7. A cat cannot be made deputy without having mentored at least one apprentice. - 90% Was lax for Moor since the clan started without any apprentice age kids, but will be 100% for every deputy after her

8. The deputy will become Clan leader when the leader dies or retires. - 100%

9. After the death or retirement of the deputy, the new deputy must be chosen before moonhigh. - 100%

10. A gathering of all four Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time. - 0% There's 5 clans total around, but their territories are so massively far apart it's really not feasible for them to visit each other at all (like, miles apart - Oakclan is a 2-3 day journey from Splinter's camp). Every clan interaction in the game I interpret as happening with wandering rogue groups instead

11. Boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats. - 100%

12. No warrior may neglect a kit in pain or in danger, even if that kit is from a different Clan. - 100%

13. The word of the Clan leader is the warrior code. - 80% ish? the clan is just way too small for there to be the separation that is required for dictatorship effect. It's more like a family where your dad "sets rules" but you know he won't beat your ass if you disobey them, but you mostly obey them anyways bc you love him (Whorlstar is their dad)

14. An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win his battles, unless they are outside the warrior code or it is necessary for self-defense. - 100%

15. A warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet. - 100% They won't go near or take food from humans - even when Cedar lived near one for a bit, he never took food from them.

So apparently they follow it pretty well? There seems to be a lot of unspoken rules in WC (like don't have kits with outsiders etc. Med cats can't have kits) That aren't on this list, so I guess they're not official? Idk xD I've said this before, but I have only read the first series of books so I don't have the fullest knowledge, but I do feel like with WC-based stories stuff like having the Med Cat get in trouble for having kits or half-clan relationships being persecuted are dumb rules anyways so I'd just rather write about something else

Plus clangen itself has no internal code for punishing that kind of stuff so it's all free game there too luckily ^^

[storm-angel989]

Vox and Val don't know how to hold babies. They get handed their newborn to get some bonding in and they're all "ok what now? I just hold it? Where do I put my hands?" Until Auntie Velvette gets sick of their bullshit and physically rearranges them into a proper baby holding position because "you don't have to hold them out so far away from you, they're not contagious" and "anything they have, you're gonna catch real soon anyway"

Ok that's my contribution for today

Hi friend, 

Oh I love this idea! My biggest struggle with this one was ��where do Vox and Velvette and Valentino get a baby?” (because there is no baby store, let's be real) so it took me a while to chew on what I think is an entertaining situation. I hope you enjoy it!

<3 Mandy

Valentino didn’t hold babies. Not in life. And certainly not in death. In fact, he didn’t think the idea of children had ever been discussed in his relationship with Vox and Velvette. And when his phone rang and Asmodeus' voice called him, Vox and Velvette to his restaurant in the lust ring, the last thing he was thinking about was kids. 

“What does Ozzy want with the three of us?” Velvette asked as she watched the rolling hills of fire pass by as they jumped from ring to ring. 

“Fuck if I know,” Valentino replied as he took a drink of wine. “Any idea, Voxxy?”

“No,” Vox replied without looking up from his phone.

Velvette sighed in annoyance. “Well you two fuckers are no help.”

Both ignored her. Several minutes later, the limo pulled up outside one of the biggest restaurants in all of hell. As soon as they stepped out of the limo, they were escorted back to Asmodeous’s office.

“Who's a sweet little baby? Yes you are, yes you are!” Asmodeous’s voice floated out from behind his office doors. 

“Huh, didn’t expect him to have a caretaker kink,” Vox muttered. “Hey, ow!” 

Valentino elbowed him, hard and gave him a writhing look. 

“We don’t judge,” he said sharply. “Especially not Oz.”

“Judge what? Huh?” Fizzeroi’s voice floated as the doors opened. “Come in, dumb little…”

“Alright, that’s enough Fizz, calm down, you’ll scare the baby,” Ozzy said firmly. “Come in you three.”

The V’s exchanged glances but stepped inside. Of all of the sighs they expected to greet him, Asmodeous holding a tiny pink blanket wasn’t anywhere near the top of the list. Hell, for that matter, it wasn’t even on the list.

“Congraduation’s Valentino, you’re a father,” Asmodeous said as he stood up.

Vox and Velvette stared at Valentino in disbelief.

“That isn’t possible,” Valentino argued. “I always use protection, I…”

Azmedous stood up and walked across the room.

“In nineteen seventy three you made a deposit to a sperm bank. Upon your arrival in hell, our agents were supposed to destroy every single source of your DNA on Earth. It appears someone fucked up I mean…uhn…” he looked down at the baby, “made a mistake. This little girl is a product of that. And with her mother in heaven, she’s yours.”

“Wait, her mom died? Who was she?” Valentino demanded, taking a step back away from Asmodeus. 

“She did. And went to heaven. But as you know, unbaptized babies?” Asmodeous made a slashing motion across his throat. “Not welcome upstairs.  And upon this little one’s arrival, I went myself and personally destroyed the rest of the vial. But there is no mistaking, she’s yours. And by the contract you signed, she’s your responsibility, just like any other child who falls who has parents in hell. And I know you want to honor your contract.”

Asmeodous’s normally lighthearted voice dropped to a dangerously low tone. The fire that surrounded him perked up, and even Fizzeroli jumped from his shoulders. 

“Give me,” Velvette said quickly, stepping forward. 

Asmodeous shot Valentino and Vox a look, but carefully handed her the tiny pink bundle. 

“We’ll take her,” she declared firmly. “Valentino will honor his contract. Do you have a diaper bag, or formula or anything?”

Instantly, Asmodeous relaxed. From beneath the desk, he pulled out a pink bag and dropped it at Valentino’s feet. 

“I put a sleep spell on her, so she should stay down the entire way home,” he told them. “But she’s going to be hungry when she wakes up. Formula is in the bag, along with diapers and a few extra things.” 

“Great,” Velvette said as she looked at the pink bag with distaste. “We’ll get a more stylish one in time, come on boys.” With those words, Velvette turned and walked confidently out the door. 

“Do you think they have any idea of what they’re doing?” Fizzeroli muttered as he watched the retreating figures. 

Asmodous shrugged. “We’ll check on it in a few days.  Make sure Valentino truly does uphold his end of the contract.”

Back in the limo, Velvette carefully cradled the newborn to her chest.

“There should be a carseat,” she declared. “Vox, get out your phone. Make a list of the things we’re going to need to keep this thing alive.”

Valentino and Vox stared at her.

“What? It’s either keep it alive, or Valentino breaks his contract and Asmodeus…”

“Yeah, no I get that,” Vox interrupted. “But we, I really never took you for the motherly type.”

“Oh fuck you, I’m motherly,” Velvette snapped. “Now get the phone out and start making a list.” 

By the time they arrived back at the penthouse, the spare bedroom had been transformed into a workable nursery.

“It’s basic, but I can do the design later,” Velvette told them as he looked around.

In her arms, the baby began to fuss as she opened her eyes. 

“She’s probably hungry,” Velvette said to them as she turned and walked out to the kitchen. “One of you, hold her while I make a bottle.” 

Both stared at her in confusion. 

“No, I’ll hurt her,” Valentino confessed finally. “She’s so tiny.”

“Yeah, no. How do I hold it? What do I do?” Vox asked.

Velvette rolled her eyes. “You, Vox, look it up. Valentino, it came from you. So you, sit down on the couch. Vox, take notes.”

Valentino obediently sat down on the couch. Carefully, Velvette placed the baby in his arms and Valentino held the child out at arms length. 

“No, no not like that. Closer. She isn’t a disease, you won’t catch anything from her,” Velvette admonished. “And if she gets sick, we’re all getting it anyway, so buckle up buttercup.”

Velvette watched as he slowly inched his arms closer. Annoyance flooded through her. 

“No, you know what? Unbutton your shirt,” she snapped as she snatched the baby back. 

“Fuck you, no,” Valentino retorted. “That has nothing…I’m not…no!”

“Actually, she’s right, it’s called skin to skin,” Vox interrupted as he looked up from his phone, “we should all probably do it. It helps…with their vitals and stuff. Body temperature and heartbeat regulation. Helps them thrive.”

“And I’m pretty sure if this thing dies, Asmodous will consider it a violation of your contract in some way and kill you as well,” Velvette added.

Hesitantly, Valenitno undid his jacket and unbuttoned his black shirt. Carefully, Velvette positioned his hand under the little girl and laid her against his chest. To his surprise, it felt good- natural, almost. Carefully, he leaned back and settled the child comfortably against him.

“Good. Now don’t be alarmed if she cried,” Velvette warned. “She’s got to be hungry.”

As quickly as she could, she hurried off into the kitchen. As quickly as she could, she mixed a bottle and brought it back to Valentino.

“Here, you feed her, Vox,” she directed. 

“Oh hell no, it ain’t my kid,” Vox protested. 

 “We’re in this together, right? Otherwise the empire crumbles,” Velvette said firmly. 

The look on Vox’s face told Velvette she had won. She watched as he took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned his shirt. 

“Fine, I’m ready,” he said reluctantly.

 Carefully, Valentino handed the baby to Vox and Velvette adjusted his arms so the baby was in the correct position. She watched as he gently pressed the bottle to her lips and to Velvette’s relief, she instantly took to it. 

“She is kind of cute,” Vox admitted as she suckled frantically. “Are you hungry, little girl? She needs a name, right?” 

“Let’s call her Reader,” Valentino suggested. “It was…well, it doesn’t matter. I’m her dad, I get to name her, right Velvette?”

“Reader,” Velvette said slowly. “Yeah. I like it.” With a swish of her skirt, she turned away. “I’m going to make some design notes for the nursery. Yell for me when she’s done eating, she’ll need to be burped.”

“Great,” Vox muttered as he looked at Valentino. “That ones on you.”

“We’ll all be doing it,” Velvette yelled over her shoulders. “She’s a member of this family, we take care of each other. Period.”

[rottenpumpkin13]

Making AGSZC go to an amusement park together would be a spectacular view

Things That Happen At The Amusement Park

Genesis is excited to ride the zipper again, a ride notorious for being hard to handle. Except it's a two-person ride and Angeal refuses to go with him, citing that the last time he went on it, he met the goddess. Sephiroth unwisely offers to go with him. *Sephiroth and Genesis are strapped in before the ride starts* Sephiroth: You said this is a safe, ferris-wheel-type ride, correct? Genesis, lying: Absolutely. Sephiroth: Alright. I'm sure it's not so bad. After all, we're SOLDIER. We're trained to handle everything. *3 minutes into the ride, when they're being violently tossed around* Sephiroth: GENESIS YOU SON OF A BITCH Genesis: YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH? Sephiroth: I'M ABOUT TO, WHEN I REUNITE WITH HER IN TWO MINUTES.

Zack finds a stand that sells deep-fried butter wrapped in bacon dipped in cheese, thinks he found heaven, and eats 13 before he starts looking green and Angeal confiscates it from him.

Angeal wants Cloud and Zack to take pictures with some theme park characters, so he ushers the boys towards them and coordinates a cute pose. Angeal: There, now smile—Zack stop crying, Kenny Crow can't hurt you. Zack, sobbing with Kenny Crow's arm gripped tightly around him: HELP

The boys meet up again to go on the drop ride together. What they don't tell you before you go on the ride, is that the more it creeps up to the sky, the more you're inclined to believe that you will die, so start confessing to everything. *Right before the drop* Sephiroth: Gentlemen, it has been an honor serving alongside you. Genesis, scared: STOP SAYING THAT! WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE! Zack: Okay! Cloud, remember that slice of pizza you were saving in the fridge? I ate it, man! I'm sorry! Sephiroth: There will be no pizza in heaven. Genesis, sobbing: STOP IT! Cloud: It's okay! Remember your favorite mug that mysteriously broke? That was me! Sephiroth: Creature comforts such as colorful mugs will not be available after death. Genesis, screaming: HELP

They lose Sephiroth in the park and split up trying to find him. It turns out Sephiroth got distracted by one of those carnival booth games where you win prizes if you can shoot at the targets. It's supposed to be rigged, but somehow Sephiroth shot all of them. *They finally locate Sephiroth* Zack: Thank GOD—What the heck is that?? *Sephiroth is holding a giant stuffed moogle* Sephiroth: The fruits of my labor.

Angeal ends up tying a balloon to Sephiroth's wrist. This is non-negotiable and Sephiroth now has to walk around the park with a shame balloon shaped like a dragon.

They visit a haunted house. Cloud: I'm not sure about this….It looks kinda dangerous. Zack: Don't be ridiculous, Cloud. What could be dangerous about some dumb kiddy haunted house that's filled with a bunch of actors in costumes? *10 minutes later* *All five of them run out screaming, being chased by an evil clown with a chainsaw* Genesis: SEPHIROTH RUN! Sephiroth: I'm not bothered by the evil clown. If anything he reminds me of you before you have your morning coffee.

Genesis, offended, takes a swing at Sephiroth. Angeal, Zack and Cloud come back for them and find the evil clown separating the two, who are fighting.

Then they go on a roller coaster. It's all fun and games until the carts get stuck at the very top right before the drop. Genesis gets bored very easily and starts reciting Loveless. Angeal did not know rage until he was in this situation. *Zack starts crying because he can't take it anymore* Genesis: Aww, Puppy? Have I moved you to tears? I'll start over from the top. When the war of the beats brings about the world's end…." *Zack screams and sobs harder*

They visit the gift shop to buy souvenirs. Angeal walks out with shot glasses, Genesis with an expensive notebook, and Zack and Cloud with more stuffed animals and figurines they can carry.

The only thing that appeals to Sephiroth is a set of 5 keychains, each shaped like puzzle pieces that connect to each other.

[jtl-fics]

In honor of April Fools day I will talk a bit about an AU with my favorite fool - (Redacted) Smith that I will probably never write fully but have thought about a bunch of scenes for.

I call it 2 Fluent Freshmen.

Due to a clerical error at both the school and during the local government's push to digitize their documents Smith is noted down as being 2 years older than he actually is and (perhaps a clerical error or maybe no teacher can say if they've had him in class or not) Smith also has enough credits to graduate. Gran has passed away early and there's nothing for him in Washington other than more anxiety.

Wymack & Dan come to Smith when he is 16 and Smith takes the chance to escape from his family IMMEDIATELY. Sure the Foxes are the worst team and sure there's some drama going on with Kevin Day having joined them after his injury but a full ride scholarship is a full ride scholarship!

Smith is rooming with 2 upperclassmen and his only other fellow freshman - Neil Josten. He is not hiding the fact that he can speak Russian, he is hiding the fact that he is 16. Smith ends up pretty close to Seth and Allison due to sharing a dorm / position respectively and just doing his best not to get to close to crazy Andrew Minyard. He does get a bit close with Neil but it's not something he's trying to do.

He's trying to keep his head down and get through the year.

It's a little hard when he is sat on the couch with the Kathy Ferdinand show. It's a lot harder when Riko Moriyama shows up and doesn't realize he's there and just...sits in Smith's lap?? Smith remains as blank faced as ever and what the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT HE FUCKED UP?

Do you know how hard it is to intimidate someone when you're sitting in the lap of some dude? The answer is VERY. Kevin can't take him seriously at all, especially after Smith made a comment that Riko's ass was bony.

Riko goes after them the same but Smith doesn't really get that his anger is at Kevin. "Hey, I'm sorry I called your butt bony on national television. That was rude of me. You should try some squats though." and like what the fuck is Riko supposed to say in the face of some dude genuinely apologizing to him.

It buys enough time that no one is grabbed or slammed.

Seth and Allison drag him out to the bar that night and after a few minutes sitting with Allison Smith realizes that he actually does have to pee and oh god someone's trying to assault Seth! Smith calls upon the powers of Gracie Hart and Seth has a black eye and a concussion but he graduates.

Neil wants Smith to come with him to the Thanksgiving because Neil has latched on a bit. Smith ends up going and also ends up going upstairs to go to the bathroom because oh god he cannot handle Nicky's parents hearing him take an anxiety shit. He's making his way to the end of the hall and sees a penny on the ground so he bends over to grab it.

And Drake Spears is unbalanced from missing his swing and falls right out the open window to the ground below where he breaks his neck. Naturally, Andrew is watching this scene unfold from the stairs and just starts to laugh his ass off. Smith turns around after flipping the penny over (it was tails side up and therefore not lucky) unaware of what has happened.

Smith asks if Andrew wants to use the bathroom. Andrew insists that Smith goes on ahead. The Hemmicks keep asking if they saw anyone upstairs and Smith has no idea what they're talking about, Andrew does but plays dumb out of spite. A day later it's wild that Nicky's parents got arrested. Like they seemed so normal, how did they kill someone and dump him in the side garden??

The Winter Banquet happens and well...it's dark. It's dark and Neil has brown hair and brown eyes and Smith has brown hair and brown eyes. Riko is not the best at judging heights so he calls Smith to threaten him and tell him that he's joining the Ravens for a Winter Break training camp. Jean is doing the most anyone has ever done not to laugh right now.

Riko only realizes his mistake when he's finished threatening Smith with his father and Smith ruins it. Smith is elated to have somewhere to stay over winter break. He can't mention he has nowhere to go so he'd thought he'd spend the break homeless. Now here comes Riko Moriyama inviting him to a camp where room and board will be provided?

What a nice guy. To thank him Smith compliments the gains he's noticed on Riko's ass. "The squats are really helping you, or are you doing something else?" he asks.

What the fuck is Riko supposed to do? ADMIT THAT HE FUCKED UP? Tell Smith that he's been doing squats and leg lifts before asking that he hand the tickets back and go get Neil???

Fuck that.

He'll just turn Smith against the Foxes and-

Well Riko kept talking about Smith's dead dad and so Smith may have a slight misunderstanding about the full scope of this training camp. He may think that there is some sort of seance element to it at this point and he's kind of excited at the idea of talking to his dad. "I've never spoken to a dead man before, this will be fun." and it's delivered flatly with no expression.

Riko starts to wonder if maybe Smith is the Butcher's son? Did the Butcher have two sons? He's sweating all the sudden.

It does not help that Smith brings a Ouija board to camp or that his dad was a legit Butcher before he died so Riko's tentative questioning only sends him further into an anxious mess about if Nathan had twins and Riko, due to being kept away from the family business, might just not be aware of it?

Smith has a nice Christmas break.

The last scene I've got dinging around in the noggin is in Binghamton. Smith has been left behind at many a stadium at this point. There's a solid and fast rule.

Neil cannot get on the bus without Smith. They are buddies. This is the buddy system. So when the riot starts and Neil seems to be getting pulled away in the crowd?

Well Smith grabs his hand and pulls him towards the bus, "Buddy system."

The bus starts and they're on their way shortly after. Neil's an anxious wreck but that next morning he wakes up to the news that the Butcher of Baltimore died in an FBI raid the night before as well as his men.

Smith watches the news with Neil, "Wow, that's scary." as he sips some orange juice.

[ecogirl2759]

Kiyotaka & Mondo <3

-NOTE-

All of these photos are from the Danganronpa 4コマ KINGS series. I do not own any of the drawings, but these photos are mine. All credit goes to Spike Chunsoft for the characters and the books themselves.

SIDE NOTE:

This part of my 4コマ KINGS series is request-based. If you'd like to see two characters together, let me know and I'll find those pictures! There won't always be enough to fill the image cap, but there are definitely some for everyone!

Time for me to show you what these goobers are up to :D

(Longer post than last time lol)

This is my favorite picture now :)

Lol they're either at each other's throats or besties, there is no in-between

The before and after ft. Makoto's amazing reactions that I couldn't bring myself to crop out

The power couple XD

MONDO ALWAYS LOOKS SO CONCERNED LMAO

Bro :D

Friendly competition!

They literally share one brain cell

Wonder how it broke hmmmmmm

(Mostly just including this one because LOOK AT TAKA OMFG--)

It's so funny how Taka is almost always positioned in front of Mondo. To me that just screams that Taka's the extrovert in this relationship lol

Mondo and Commander Ishimaru don't get along very well =w=;

I'm sure everyone's seen this iconic image already

"NO GETTING GIFTS FROM GIRLS >:("

Your honor, honestly shut the fuck up because you weren't even there

Everyone loves to harp on how dumb Taka can be when Mondo's just as bad lol

He took one look at Taka's color pallet and immediately thought he was the mastermind

what is this

no really what is happening here 0.0

MONDO MISSED HIS BIKE SO TAKA GOT HIM A CART HE'S SO HAPPY LOOK AT THEM

They're going back to their dorms now, goodnight everyone :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~

They're himbos, your honor

It's so obvious that I have favorites lol

I just think that their relationship (whether you ship them or just see them as friends) has so much comedic potential that everyone is sleeping on. Well, everyone except the fanfic writers lol

Let me know who you want to see next!

Next up: Sakura & Aoi!

Contents || <-Previous : Next->

[paragonrobits]

Karlach: So if its not a trouble, I got a question that's been on my mind. Dame Aylin: If it's about relationship troubles, I'm afraid my advice may not be helpful. Karlach: No, no, not that, its something else. It's about the... Blood War. Or something like it. Aylin: Ah. You may ask. Karlach: Well, it ain't SPECIFICALLY about the Blood war but... okay. The devils and the demons are fighting because they're both evil, but devils are orderly and demons are all about that nihilism crap. Aylin: That is broadly correct, in my experience. Karlach: Yeah so, I got to thinking. It's about a conflcit of order and law; like them forces, they're always fighting in one way or another. Aylin: Indeed. Karlach: So here's my question; I know the Hells get up to it, but why don't I ever hear about wars like that between the lawful and chaotic groups among celestials? Archons and eladrins and such. Aylin: Ah, I see. Well, the answer is, you don't hear about it because they don't fight. At all. Karlach: Huh, really? Why's that? Aylin: ... Karlach: Shit, that was a dumb question, weren't it? Aylin: There are no truly dumb questions, apart from whenever that vampire friend of yours complains about exercising basic human decency- Astarion, off screen: HEY NOW Aylin: But suffice to say, you're asking why celestials don't fight. Karlach: Sorry. Aylin: You truly wonder why celestials, LIVING EMBODIMENTS of the concepts of good, honor, compassion, the dignity of all sapient beings and not being a complete asshole all day out, AREN'T fighting a pointless war over order and chaos?? Karlach: I know, it's just with the Blood War all over the place, and I know the planes of chaos and order REALLY don't like each other... Aylin: I would say its more like... they're antithetical but their own premises are so essential to the background of the multiverse that they honestly can't really wage conflict as the Blood War does. As for mine, celestials may be born of order and chaos, but good is more significant; it is why, I think, mortal heroes often include many people with different perspectives but not to the point of arms against one another. Good is the primary... well, good to the celestials. Fine details, like whether it is served best through codified notions of how one should behave, or if self determination is more significant, is largely irrelevant. Karlach: Hm. Sounds like they got it more together. Aylin: To be less put together than those monstrosities of the Hells and Abyss would be a grand feat indeed. If it pleases you, though, the celestials do argue about it. A lot. Karlach: Huh. Really? Aylin: Arguing about irrelevant nonsense is part of what being a personification of Good Incarnate is all about. Also, for some reason, bickering about semantics.

[cook1emadness]

YOUR HONOR!

EHEM EHEM *REMOVING THE CAPTIONS*

I've been starving to see more side/background characters in madness combat 😔

Please! Could you do anything for Jorge and church?

Or the Fanatics Or the Bandits?

Anything you're comfortable with!!

Not sure if it should be romantic or platonic though

OK, JORGE AND CHURCH!! MY DUMB BELOVED IDITOTS!!! GET OVER HERE!!!

This one is going to be romantic ;]

Your honor, are you prepared. . .

Jorge And Church, The G03LM Duo!!!!

Romance~:

Oh boy, these guys, were confident as fuck when they confessed to you, because they believe you 100% say yes.... and you did(if you said no, church would be hurt as fuck and in denial)

Anyway, basically, church and jorge are your bodyguards, but chaotic, making you the most sane person in the world... sort of.

Now, I think jorge and church would always show of their skills. Yes, even their muscles. If you compliment them or praise them a little, they're confidence boost up ALOT.

Being in a relationship with them, you gotta be affectionate. These guys not only love the compliments, but they LOVE hugs you give them even if church denies it. Jorge won't. He knows he's deserves it.

Everyone can tell they're in a relationship with you. Why? Because they always keep showing off their lover, aka you.(sanford and deimos were unamused).

For church, his nicknames for you are mostly pip squeak or mouse, sometimes shortie. Meanwhile, for jorge, it's similar but may call you by your nickname that your parents or family member came up( sorry if your nickname is to embarrassing for you).

Despite being stubborn, they would sometimes listen to you, but the moment your not around, CHAOS!! which is why everyone in the MERC always call you. Your basically like an owner.

Forgot to mention that they get jealous, especially if you happen to know sanford or deimos.

You have to reassure them that you love them and no one else. Why? Because Church and Jorge may or may not try to kill that poor grunt.

The dates are mostly the cafeteria, them taking you to fast food places, even if alotvfucked up shit is going on and most importantly playfights, don't worry they go easy on you and maybe bully you a little.

Oh boy, if a random idiot hurts you, they better start running and trying to hide because good lord, they don't let shit slide. I kid you not, if they can track sanford and deimos. They can find that poor fool instant.

Now jorge and church have the same love language. For both physical touch, both would love to feel your arms trying to wrap around them, they find it funny and they like to have you close to them, it makes them feel better than your safe with them.

If they had a second love language, I think it would be quality time, I can imagine them trying to get your attention while you watch to listen to them either rant or show off, maybe even playfights.

Despite being rude and cocky, they both love you even if you are small or big. They love you... plus, they give a shirt that says, "Size matters." :D

I hope you like this one, I might do bandits or fanatics, but I have other requests to finish, so I hope you have a good day and night

[multishipper001]

Some Eugavus headcanons I have :

Gavus, being a stellar Celestial, might count as educated among his faction, but he's only Book Smart™, not Street Smart™

Eugene has been living a chaotic life for ages, knowing everything there is to know about the world

Conclusion : he's roasting his partner on every occasion where Gavus doesn't know something, that even a homeschooles six year old would know

Gavus absolutely hates being called "pigeonhead" whenever he makes a mistake

He's, like, definitely a perfectionist

100%

So he's trying his hardest to learn

(basically "he's a little confused but he's got the spirit")

Eugene finds it cute

And he tells him, because he absolutely loves how Gavus doesn't have a clue how to handle compliments, let alone flirting

He's dumb, oblivious, and totally clueless

Eugene took him out sightseeing once, and Gavus only learned at the end of the day that it was a fucking DATE

"Hope you enjoyed today. "

"It was nice. Thank you for showing me around."

"I never thought going on a date with a pigeonhead would be enjoyable, but I guess you're an exception."

"THIS WAS A DATE?!"

He's getting embarrassed about almost everything Eugene does, even the smallest amount of flirting

Like some virgin maiden from the middle age lmao

You bet your ass other celestials weren't saying pick up lines to him

Gavus doesn't know much about puns

Ever since Eugene found out, he's been telling him some in the most random moments (the only occasion where Gavus wishes he was with other celestials, bc he doesn't know what the appropriate response is to puns, but he's pretty sure it's murder)

Eugene's got Chaotic Energy™ and both of the kids take after him

Gavus would never admit it out loud, but he thinks it's nice, and a good thing they resemble him, in that aspect at least

Gavus fell first, Eugene fell harder, change my mind (you can't)

Their love language is arguing, flirting (mostly from Eugene), and words of affection (mostly from Gavus)

Both enjoy being a dad a lot more than they'd ever admit

They definitely wear cringe couple stuff, Eugene loves it, Gavus doesn't (at least not openly, but he still wears them, and takes good care of everything he gets from Eugene)

They're in LOVE your honor

[max-nico]

Today I offer you an unbreakable bond ficlet from that celeb au that I've mentioned. Tomorrow? Who knows.

Note before you read: Sonic is in a band, Tails is a child prodigy as well as a revolutionary inventor, they are best friends

Tails thinks he's much too old to be scruffed. He's turning thirteen this year, there is no reason that his best friend is currently scruffing him. Well-there is a reason actually, just a dumb one that doesn't matter anyway, so that basically means there's no reason.

He was only doing his job as Sonic's best friend and honorary younger brother; defending him to the media. They're nothing but vultures who try to tear him down and he's just so tired of it. So what he bit a reporter? They shouldn't've gotten so close to his teeth if they didn't wanna be bit.

This is stupid. Sonic is stupid. Friendship officially over.

"If you don't wanna be scruffed, then maybe you shouldn't bite people." Sonic says flatly, tightening his hold on Tails as he flails in his grip.

"Maybe you should just let me go, you're being dumb!"

"I'm being dumb?!"

"Yes!!!"

"Tails, please do me a favor and repeat back to me what you did today."

Tails scrunches his face and crosses his arms, trying to plant his feet into the ground so Sonic stops dragging him.

"Well?"

"I fought for your honor!"

"You bit a reporter!"

"He was talking crap about you right in front of you! I should've ripped his arm off!!"

"Tails!?"

"What, I'm right and you know it!!"

Sonic facepalms, a large huff exiting his muzzle as he turns Tails to look at him. He has a face of pure exhaustion that makes the fox feel a little bad, but he has no regrets. That guy had it coming. He could sue Tails for all he's worth and he still wouldn't regret it.

"You act like you wouldn't do the same thing for me." Tails tries to fight his way out of Sonic's hold again, he fails.

"I wouldn't."

Tails growls. "Don't scruff me and lie to my face at the same time, it's poor manners."

"Don't talk to me about manners when you still have someone else's blood in your fur."

Then he's being dragged across the floor again, fighting the entire way down the hall. Stupid Sonic. Stupid reporter. It's not even like it's a lot of blood, he's had worse from biting his tongue too hard.

Sonic completely lifts him from the ground and places him on a chair in the back of the venue. The hedgehog whips out his phone as Tails snarls at him, harmlessly clawing at the air in front of him.

"No, stop." Sonic says, "Your parents are on their way."

Hurt flashes in the foxes eyes, the burning anger from just a second ago nowhere to be seen as he looks at Sonic. His head is tilted down and his face is screwed up like he ate a sour lemon. "You... You told them?"

Tails feels like his heart dropped onto the floor, and he can feel his unwanted tears clogging his throat. He promises he was joking before, he didn't actually want to end their friendship. He doesn't actually think Sonic is stupid he was just upset. Sonic is basically the older brother he's never had.

"What? No! They watched the news!" Ah, that makes more sense. "No matter how angry I am would never do that to you. Do you understand?"

Tails nods, but he doesn't feel more reassured. Honestly, he's a few steps from throwing up. All he really feels now is nausea and regret for arguing with Sonic, still not for biting that guy though, he would do it again if he could.

Tails just wishes that he didn't spend half of his last few moments here arguing with Sonic and instead of making up, because now his parents are coming. His parents are coming and if he thinks being yelled at by Sonic is bad, being punished by his parents is ten times worse. Tails would rather Sonic yell at him for the rest of the day than be with his parents for an hour

"Listen bud," Sonic sighs, crouching down to Tails' level. "It won't be all bad. We still have the whole brand deal thing going on, so you'll be right back with me again tomorrow? I'll even come get you myself."

Tails wipes his eyes and sniffles, the gesture makes him feel like he's a lonely five year old all over again. Determined not to cry and just as scared as he used to be, but he really does try to take Sonic's words to heart.

Just one night back at home. One night with his parents. One night on punishment. One night. Just twelve hours.

Taking a deep shaky breath, Tails gives Sonic a lopsided grin. He can do one night, because his brother has taught him not to dwell on the now and keep looking forward. He can do one night, because tomorrow he gets to see Sonic all over again.

And isn't that exciting?

Three non related posts in a row wow guys. I think I might be with the kids call a "sigma" (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Anyway, I also have a drabble for Amy and Cream somewhere as well as one about Sage and Mika (instead of Miku.. I couldn't help myself), I have one about Tails and Kit in my Google docs and one about how Sonic and Tails met, I just love my little guys in my head what can I say.

Instead of writing for this au in the past month I have a bunch of fake Twitter posts for them so maybe I will post those at some point 😭🤚🏾

Anyways uhmm.... Come jump in my ask box if you want. I love talking to people

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

THIS IS THE UPDATED VERSION OF ALL THE CHELSEAVERSE BILLY-s:

Down bad carnally: (for the Billy's that is down bad with severe Romance and Passion)

TEETH - its the yearning and patience for me. But he's kinda reserved on showing emotions. Need to hold back most of the time due to circumstance (R not knowing what shifters are)

OIM - still yearning and patience. The only difference is he's holding back because of R's trauma with alphas. There's a certain vulnerability between them.

AFOS - this started out rocky for sure. The first time I read this, I honestly thought that he was like that because of the bond. And in a way he is, but I believe it changed. The chapter where they both found out that the bond deepened and the consequences were just *chef's kiss*

ITSOYH - okay...this....took me out, severely underrated of being down bad. He's fighting his inner insecurities and demons AND Thor? Like bro. The power of being down bad is in him.

Down bad psychologically - they're all freaks in here, your honor. (With romance but mostly psychopatic behavior. So kinda canon billy)

AOP

AOD

NOG

ToaPP (they're both down bad for eachother honestly)

Nightfall

Warlock!Billy

Down bad normally: - normal down bad for their partner but ultimately not as strong as the above sections.

MR & MRS. RUSSO

SBBH

BMTMK (he's on thin ice tho, after the shit he pulled)

Fae King!Billy

Werewolf!Billy (he's pretty normal from what i can remember)

Incubus!Billy Russo

God of War!Billy Russo

Forest God!Billy Russo

Pirate!Billy Russo

Mafia! Billy Russo

Not really down bad ....BUT its getting there:

BESTIE AND BILLY

OINTRW

NQE - I am begging you, please let this one end on a happy one.

I gotta add, Forest God Billy might be gone, but he was definitely intended to be in the down bad carnally side of things, he just didn't get that development. He might have been trying to use her to break his curse, but he'd been inserting himself into her life in a lot of ways before she ever met him.

He had beef with her grandma and yet he was giving her magical artifacts to help her find his house and taking her literally everywhere, and sending owls to give her tea to help her sleep.

HOW IS BILLY AND HIS BESTIE NOT DOWN BAD (yeah this is your opinion and you can have that 😂) but Billy didn't- oh wait I see what you mean all they've done so far is fuck like rabbits 😂 the relationship is all in my head 😂😂😂😂

Am I dumb? What is NOG? What am I forgetting?

Also, thank you very much for this analysis, it was sooo good

[something-about-sunflowers]

I kinda feel like too many people aren't looking at the whole picture with Guillermo and Nandor/his family this season?

Guillermo knows, to a certain extent, that it's hurting Nandor that he's avoiding him. He just can't not avoid him because of the whole 'secretly turned by another vampire and Nandor will have to kill him then himself for the sake of his bruised honor/ego' thing.

Guillermo is also hurting though. His attempt to take some agency for himself by actively pursuing something he's wanted since before he even met Nandor has massively backfired on him in every possible way he couldn't even begin to expect. He didn't know he'd have a Weird Transformation. He didn't know there was some taboo for having another vampire turn him as Nandor's familiar (and he's not actually Nandor's familiar anymore anyway, technically, they're all just dumb and forgot that fact). He, comparatively, only recently found out about the whole Van Helsing thing and that his family can't control themselves around vampires (though I feel like it probably will be different with their Memo, if we're being honest), so he very likely thought for most of his time waiting for Nandor to turn him that he'd still be able to see them occasionally and get/give closure over a longer period of time before he had to stop seeing them when it became obvious he wasn't aging like they were.

He does care about his mom, yall, did you miss him breaking down in the elevator or were you just distracted by him breaking the hand-rail? He's just been very preoccupied with a whole lot of drama (Which he complained about! He told Nandor how upset he was that the wedding and Baby Colin were keeping him too busy to see his family! The end of season 4 was days before the start of season 5.) and an extreme life change. He's an adult. That kind of shit happens when you're an adult (granted, his situation is significantly more fantastical given the whole vampires thing but still). Sometimes you get caught up in your adult life and you miss your mom's birthday. Sometimes you make a big life change that you think is what's best for you and it means you won't be able to be as close to your family. Yes. It's selfish of him - to an extent - but for fuck's sake you can't live your life for other people, even - especially, in some cases - if those people are your family. I'm kind of appalled at people saying that he's deserving to feel bad and rejected because he made a choice for himself. Do you think his mom is blaming him as harshly as some of you are? No! The first thing she asked him was 'are you happy with this change?' She cares about her son's happiness. He's not entirely in the right but fuck do yall know how to do anything but swing hard in the other direction? There's grey areas! All in the middle! Right there, look!!

And then on top of him already being extremely emotionally compromised from reckoning with having to leave his family behind, on top of the already 'emotionally difficult' avoiding Nandor for both of their sakes, he gets another big rejection in his own home from the people he cares most about. I don't know if Nandor noticed that his rejection hurt Guillermo. He's dumb but I really don't know if he's that dumb. He's been able to recognize in the past when he's hurt Guillermo so I don't see why he couldn't now. Are yall gonna blame Memo for feeling bad if Nandor decides to do something to try and win him back or cheer him up? Or if Nandor is upset/worried about having hurt Guillermo?

I don't really know where I'm going with this anymore lmao. My point is: Yes, Guillermo's choice is hurting people but it's also hurting him and he's been hurt for a while now and hurt people hurt people (which is why Nandor lashed out too!) so cut him a little bit of slack maybe? He didn't do anything to intentionally hurt anyone he just wanted to take some agency back for himself that he's been missing for like. Ten. Thirteen years or so now.