#i like the red string of fate type stuff

[bbyquokka]

slow

– in which it's yn's & jisung's first time together. jisung gets a little too in to it!

pairing | han jisung x fem reader

genre | friends to lovers, fluff, smut – 18+ is strongly advised!

cw | established relationship , small mention of anxiety , jisung & reader are not inexperienced, its their first time being intimate together , masturbation (m) , dirty thoughts , orgasm denial , pet names , love bites , biting , grinding , jisung is rough at the start , safe word used , breast & nipple play , oral sex (m & f rec) , protected sex (p in v) , aftercare

words | 7.6k ~ ( 7,630 )

notes | it's been a while.. i still dont feel 100% on this site rn but i wanted to post a lil something! also, this was requested a hella long time ago! don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

m.list — you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

you never thought you could ever be so in love with a human being, yet here you are, smitten by none other than han jisung.

you’ve read and watched about love, soulmates, marriage, sex, all that type of stuff in movies and books. you never believed in the soulmate's thing or the ‘red string of fate’. you simply thought it was a gimmick to hook the audience into whatever media consumption they were consuming.

but alas, here you are. as you look at your lover and soak in every single precious detail of him, you slowly understand the meaning of soulmate's. your heart thumps every time you hear him speak, stomach fluttering every time you watch him fill his cheeks up with food like a squirrel.

you met jisung by chance. you both were attending a beginners painting course at your local community center. it was a chance for you to step out of your comfort zone and meet new people, possibly make new friends too.

you were nervous to begin with and possibly overwhelmed too. new faces, sounds and smells. you were overstimulated and the raging feeling of anxiety activated your fight-or-flight mode.

luckily for you, jisung noticed and instantly calmed you down. he spoke to you in a gentle and soft manner. he made corny jokes to help relax you and ease your mind. you only just met him and yet, you felt instantly connected to him – like you've known him your whole life.

he mentioned that the teacher, who's name you learnt was hyunjin, was a very good friend of his and that you didn't have anything to worry about. you explained that you're a terrible artist and know nothing at all to which jisung replied “me too! let's be terrible together, yeah?” 

that day was the most fun you've had in a long time. the anxiety you felt disappeared as soon as jisung approached you. you both created god awful paintings but they left you in tears of laughter and by the end of the session, you were sure you developed a six pack due to how sore your stomach muscles were hurting from laughing too much.

you could say that you both acted like two high schoolers goofing around in class. hyunjin did tell you and jisung off but he was just happy that his friend was able to find someone just like him.

you and jisung exchanged contact details. calling and texting each other 24/7. it started off small and sweet, telling each other about your day, telling one another to eat well and stay hydrated. sending pictures of things you both think the other would like.

you didn't realise or consider that your feelings for jisung were slowly becoming a lot more than ‘just friends.’ you couldn't explain it at the time. you couldn't understand why you felt so giddy every time you saw his name pop up on your phone screen. you didn't understand why you wanted to scream and shout every time he sent you a comfy selfie. you didn't understand why your heart raced and why you felt the urge to spend every single second of every hour with him and when he wasn't calling or texting you, that you felt sad and empty.

you simply put it down to the fact that you've never had a close friend before, especially of the opposite sex. you mistook your feelings for love as that of excitement and joy.

however, it wasn't until you saw a picture of him with someone else on a night out, did you finally understand.

the jealousy you felt that night turned you bitter and cold. it turned you into something that you didn't recognise within yourself. you did act a little distant towards him the next day and poor jisung didn't have a clue as to why.

one thing about jisung that you've learnt since knowing him, is that he is very good at getting you to talk about things you don't want to.

“do you think the reason you feel like this could be related to something much more? something you haven't quite figured out yet.”

as soon as jisung sent those messages to you, did you reflect and come to terms that you have fallen in love with your best friend. once that was evident, you had a whole new problem.

what if jisung doesn't feel the same as you? what if it affects the friendship between you both?

with so many questions rushing in your mind, you unintentionally ghosted jisung and he noticed.

he noticed the dry messages. the one liners. he noticed that you didn't seem all too interested anymore. yeah, it filled him up with anxiety because he wondered if he'd done anything or said anything to upset you.

instead of letting his mind run away with negative thoughts, he made the bold decision to go to your apartment and talk it out.

it was a day you'd never forget. it was a day that started off angsty and slowly turned into something magical.

you talked with each other and you confessed through your tears. you sobbed and sobbed, worry shaking your entire existence. jisung hugged you tight, his scent calmed your nerves. once calm, did he too also confess and that was the beginning of something you both cherish to this day.

you both agreed to start of slow. neither of you are inexperienced however, going from being ‘just friends’ to boyfriend girlfriend is a whole new feeling.

you're seeing each other in a new light, learning new things about one another. everything is so different, everything feels different. it feels like your relationship with jisung is starting all over again. what you thought you knew about him, turns out to be completely different.

you went on many dates and outings. you held hands multiple times and cuddled a lot. you both even exchanged sweet pecks on the cheeks before kissing each other. however, you both never did anything intimate with one another.

not because you weren't ready or inexperienced, it's a simple matter of the timing doesn't feel right. you (and jisung) both want to be with each other more, spend more time with one another and learn about each other before taking that massive (and vulnerable) step in the relationship.

not one of you pestered or pressured the other about it. it's as if you both silently just knew. at first you were a little anxious about not having sex with him right away and jisung felt the same, however, as time went on and you both started to find comfort in each other as well as understand one another via social/physical cues, did the anxieties slowly disappear.

that's not to say that you don't feel some kind of lust for him. jisung is exactly the same, thinking and feeling like you. some days he wishes he could just ravish you. when you look that extra gorgeous or do something cute that makes his heart skip, he wishes he could just drag you back to his place and indulge in you.

there have been many times that he's masturbated over you. date nights he would find himself going home, straight to his bedroom and his fist around his throbbing cock. his mind plagued with dirty thoughts of you, imagining you in your date attire.

some nights he wants to ruin you. his hand funnelling for his phone as his other is wrapped around his cock and squeezing tightly to deny himself of his orgasm. it hurts and the longer he waits, the more it hurts him but it makes his toes curl and body shakes with excitement.

he doesn't know how long he can go on like this. he knows patience is a virtue but just everything about you is driving him insane. the more time goes on, the more he becomes impatient. the more it builds and builds until it feels like he is suffocating with an intense amount of lust.

luckily for him, he won't have to wait that long.

“thank you for tonight, sungie.” you smile as you stand on the doorstep of your home. jisung hums softly, his hands in his suit pants pockets.

“my pleasure. i hope you enjoyed the meal.”

“i enjoy your company more than anything.” you feel your cheeks heat up slowly. the tips of jisung's ears slowly turn red at your cute confession.

“i – ahm – i shall bid you goodnight then, darling.” as he turns on his heels, he is abruptly stopped by you grabbing his wrist. he looks up at you, a look of confusion on his face, his brows furrowed together.

“what’s the mat–”

“stay the night.” you blurt out in one sentence. 

his heart stops beating for a second. your cheeks pink as the grip on his wrist is tight. heat rushes down south and his mouth becomes dry. 

“darling, what are you trying to say? do you know what will happen if i stay the night?” he takes your hand gently from his wrist, intertwining his fingers with yours as he walks close to you. 

you become fixated on him and your senses become heightened. your throat becomes dry as jisung holds your hand whilst his other wraps around your waist, pulling you flush against his body.

you become hyper aware of the situation; of him! you swallow thickly, jisung's plump lips curled up at the corners in a smirk as they glisten from his saliva. 

“you are aware, correct?” he whispers. his voice is husk and his breath fans against your lips. you nod slowly, unable to speak. you worry that jisung would be able to hear your racing heartbeat. his cologne tickling your nostrils and intoxicating you. 

you've never been this close to him before. you can see every single detail of his skin up close and personal. his grip on your waist tightens ever so slightly as he shakily lets out a slow breath.

he brings the back of your hand to his lips, pressing them against your skin as he peers up at you through his lashes. you feel warmth flooding your body, butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

“god you're so beautiful.” he mumbles before kissing each of your fingers individually. “do you want to, darling?”

“i–” you stumble over your words.

“tell me. let me hear your pretty voice.” his hand escapes your waist to be pressed against your flush cheek. you instantly lean into his palm, feeling yourself be swayed by his charms.

“i-i want you, ji.” you whisper as your eyes flutter close. with a small huff, you feel jisung leaning closer to you and within a second, his soft lips are against yours in a slow and rhythmic kiss.

it's different. it feels different. it's not a simple peck or a good night kiss. it's a kiss that is filled with built up fiery passion. jisung has finally been given the go ahead and he can feel it all overflowing and seeping out.

he grips your hand, eyes fluttering closed as his brows scrunch together. you tilt your head to the side a little, lips locking and caressing one another. he presses his body against yours, your back hitting your door which causes jisung to snake his arms around your back and hold you firmly in his arms.

your own arms wrap around his neck, keeping him close to you as possible. the way jisung is kissing you is making you feel lightheaded and deprived of oxygen – but you don't want to escape from his grasp.

the cold night air fans against your hot cheeks, failing to bring down your body temperature. you feel the tip of his tongue glide along your bottom lip, silently pleading for permission. you grant it by parting your lips and letting your own tongue caress with his.

your body fills with tingles of excitement, your abdomen fluttering. jisung's suit pants are starting to feel a little tight. he can feel himself slowly melt into you, his mind turning foggy. he's waited all this time to taste you and now he finally has you, he doesn't want to escape and let you go.

“taste so sweet.” he mumbles for a split second to allow some air to resume into his lungs. you don't have a chance to reply because his lips are instantly back on yours, tongue caressing and colliding with yours. melting at the touch.

your heart thumps against your chest so loudly, you can hear it in your ears. your body trembles with excitement but also another feeling that you can't quite put your finger on.

you hear jisung fumbling behind you, his hand coming into contact with the cold door handle. with his lips still locked onto you, he opens the door and slowly pushes you inside. once inside, he kicks the door closed with his foot as you both stumble whilst taking off your shoes.

you're the first to pull away from his lips much to his dismay. you look at the man that stands before you and notice that he looks and feels different. he no longer feels soft and gentle. his eyes are hazy but darkened with hunger and lust. his cheeks are pink and lips swollen and glistening with saliva. you see his chest rising up and down with every breath and his neat hair now dishevelled.

“where?” his words dripped with a hint of impatience. you swallow a little and chew your lip gently.

“we can go to my room?” you press your lips together in a thin line. you're suddenly aware that jisung is in your home, in your space and it's making you nervous as hell! jisung notices you trembling a little so he places one hand on your shoulder whilst the other is used to lift your chin up gently so you're looking at him.

“are you sure?” his voice is now soft and gentle, the same softness you've grown accustomed too. “we don't ha–”

“i want to!” you blurt out causing jisung to widen his eyes slightly before chuckling to himself. “just give me a few seconds. i need to go to the restroom.”

he gives you a gentle smile and nods. as you go to the restroom, you tell jisung the directions to your bedroom in case he wants to sit and wait and whilst he does, he takes his time looking around your place.

he makes a mental note how it's just like you. how every piece of decoration resembles you in one way or another. he walks to your bedroom, cautiously sitting on your bed as he waits for you.

as he waits, he suddenly becomes hyper aware of where he is. he can smell you. the same lavender scent that emits from your clothing is now tickling his nostrils. his lips part as he lets out small, shaky puffs of air.

“fuck.. this is bad.” he mumbles as he unbuttons the first few buttons of his dress shirt. his body temperature skyrocketing, skin glistening in sweat as your scent continues to hug him deliciously.

meanwhile, you're in the restroom giving yourself a pep-talk. the coolness of the ceramic sink feels soothing against your hot palms.

you're nervous. you've never been this nervous before. it feels like you could throw up. you want to run and hide but the desire you have for him is too strong. you want him and he wants you, it's just because it's all new that you feel like this.

however, you can't shake that hungry look from jisung's eyes away from your mind. he looked like an animal, ready to pounce on you at any second. 

you take a few deep breaths in and slowly release before fixing your hair. “you got this yn.” you mumble to your reflection before walking out of the restroom into the bedroom.

jisung looks up at you and gives you a grin. his legs are spread, hair pushed back with the buttons of his dress shirt still open, giving you a glimpse of his honey smooth skin you've been dying to caress.

he pats his inner thigh, silently beckoning you forward. like a puppet on a string, you feel yourself being pulled towards him. you stand between his legs, his hands on your waist gently as he strokes it with his thumb.

you glance at him, soaking in how beautiful and flush he looks. he tilts his head to the side, his bangs covering his eyes and his lips curl into a smirk as he sees your eyes flicker from his face to his crotch.

“like what you see?” 

your eyes widen and you feel heat rush to your cheeks. your brain melts and your ability to speak fails. words lodged in your throat and all you can muster is broken sentences.

jisung laughs at your flustered state, pulling you onto his lap. he pulls you flush on his crotch, chest to chest. his arms wrapping around your back and holding you close and he nuzzles into the crook of your neck.

the tips of his hair tickle your cheeks. hot, shaky breaths fanning against your skin as you feel your clothing being bundled up into jisung's hands.

“fuck, i’m in trouble. you’re too cute.” you giggle, your fingers caressing his soft hair. the tips of your fingers rake against his scalp and jisung closes his eyes slowly. his lips brush against the skin of your neck before being pressed against it. 

he starts off slow and gentle at first, peppering and sucking gently. but that soon fades.

you feel his teeth graze against your skin and your breath hitches in your throat. you bite your bottom lip gently before whimpering a little as his teeth dig into your neck. you squeeze your eyes shut, enduring the stinging sensation as you hold your breath. 

his kissing and sucking quickly becomes rough and painful. you grip onto jisung as his hands trail down your back to hold your waist. he grips onto you, moving your hips back and forth on his crotch.

when he pulls away from your neck, do you realise exactly what is happening and why you feel so anxious.

this isn't your first time but with how rough jisung is being is making you feel scared. the kind, gentle man you're so accustomed to is nowhere to be seen. his eyes are darkened, half-lidded. kiss bitten and swollen lips glistening in saliva.

his jaw clenches as he grips onto you forcefully. his mind has fogged over and he is purely chasing his own high. his body is being driven by the intense lust and hunger that had been building for months.

he's a different person and it's scaring you.

“h-hey. why don't we take i–” your attempt at trying to calm him down and bring him back to you cut short due to jisung throwing you onto the bed.

your back is hit with the bouncy mattress, the springs squeaking from impact. you watch jisung kneel between your legs, hands fumbling with the rest of the buttons of his shirt before it's quickly discarded to the side leaving him in nothing but his dress pants.

you wish you could enjoy the beautiful sight before you but you simply can't. you've seen jisung's body numerous times via gym or thirst selfies, seeing it in the flesh and glistening in a thin layer of sweat is a different experience and you so wish you could enjoy it.

“ji–” your eyes widen as he leans down and kisses you. it's not the same as before, it's rough. all teeth and tongues with no coordination. you start to panic, palms becoming sweaty and your heart beating against your chest.

this isn't how you imagined your first time to be with jisung. this isn’t what you wanted. you want your passionate, gentle and loving jisung back.

“v-volcano!” you sob. as if a switch has suddenly been switched inside of him, he is fast to get off you. his eyes widen in pure shock at the sight before him. you chew your bottom lip gently, unable to stop a few tears from trickling down your cheeks.

“oh my god. oh no. yn, oh fuck. i’m so sorry!” he reaches down shakily and presses his palm against your cheek. you lean in as you sniffle.

“it’s ok.” you whisper.

“no!” his sudden loud tone of voice makes you jump a little. “it’s not ok. i lost myself in the moment and i made you cry. fuck, i’m an idiot..”

“hey, it's ok.”

“it's not ok yn. i didn't mean to scare you. i've been wanting you for so long that when i finally got you, i lost sight of everything and in the process hurt and scared you.” his voice cracking and shaking. his brown, boba eyes filling with tears.

you sit up and kiss his cheek gently. your lips are met with the salty flavour of his tears. he wraps his arms around you tightly, pulling you into his chest as he sobs.

“i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry. this wasn't how i planned this. fuck i’m so stupid!” he babbles. you hush him softly, stroking his hair slowly. you make a mental note of how he currently reminds you of a lost child, babbling and crying till their red in the face and snotty.

“i’m ok jisung. it did scare me. i saw a side to you that i’ve never seen before and it frightened me but you stopped when i used the safe word and that counts for something.”

“really?” he mumbles against your neck which is currently wet with tears.

“really. it'd be different if you carried on but you didn't. don't beat yourself up about this. this is our first time together.” you pull away slowly, cupping his cheeks. “we’re still learning about one another, darling. intimacy is a big big step in a relationship. it's probably one where we're at our most vulnerable.”

jisung simply nods and looks down, chin into chest as his lips turn into a pout. a few stray tears falling down his cheeks as he sniffles.

he really is like a child you say to yourself mentally before giggling.

“i'm sorry.” he whispers before looking up at you. “can we start all over again?”

you smile softly at him and nod. he leans on, tilting his head to the side and eyes slowly closing as your lips meet again. he is slow, tender and so gentle with you. it sparks butterflies in your stomach and for you to melt and relax into him.

he gently pushes you down so you're resting on your back, the kiss not being broken once. you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close to you. his fingers dance along your jawline and down your neck, trailing down to your breasts when he gently cups them through the fabric of your clothing.

your breath hitches a little in your throat. he gently massages your breast, kneading it in the palm of his hand. you gasp a little and groan, your legs parting a little bit more to allow more space for jisung to situate himself in.

his hand slowly trails up your stomach from under your clothing. his soft fingers dance along your skin like delicate pixie feet. it leaves a trail of heat and butterflies behind making you longing for more.

jisung licks your lips slowly and is pleased to feel them slowly part. the two wet muscles meet in the middle when they collide, hug and caress. his delicate fingers reach to your breast where he presses his palm on the flesh and wraps his fingers around it gently.

he squeezes your breast a few times, kneading and rolling it slowly. he swallows every gasp and soft moan that falls past your lips.

“god.” he mumbles as he pulls away to bury his face into the crook of your neck. “you sound so beautiful.” 

“i do?” 

“mhm.” jisung's fingers brush over your hardened nipple, causing you to moan softly in shock at the sudden sensation and sensitivity. “see? i might become addicted.”

you flush at his words, your stomach fluttering and heartbeat skipping beats. you worry with how close jisung is to you, that he'd be able to hear and feel how erratic your heart is.

he presses his lips against your neck, kissing it tenderly and giving gentle sucks. his fingers work on your breast whilst you're unsure on what to do with your own. jisung notices this.

“it’s ok. you can touch me.” he chuckles against your neck. you flush red with embarrassment.

“i-i know! i just don't know where..”

“you can caress me. hold me. tangle your fingers in my hair. whatever feels natural, yn.” he pulls away from your neck to kneel up. his hand is off your breast as he takes your hand gently by the wrist. he brings your hand to his lips, eyes on you as he kisses your fingers delicately. “i won't break.”

you watch him kiss your fingers before kissing the back of your hand. then, he takes your wrist gently, guiding it to his cheek. he presses your palm against his flush skin as he leans in, his own hand pressed against the back of yours to keep your hand there.

“it’s ok to touch me, yn. touch me as much as you like. i've been dying for your touch so please, indulge in me. be greedy.” he whispers. 

you can't help the onslaught of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. it feels like they're travelling throughout your whole body, hugging your veins, nerves and tips of your fingers and toes. your breathing becomes shallow and jisung becomes the only thing you see.

everything turns blurry and time passes by slowly as you look at the man that is smitten for you. this love you feel from him, the love that's radiating and seeping from his pores is more than you thought.

it's suffocating but it's good. you want to drown in his love, drown in his warmth. you want to be entangled with him and have him be the only person you think and feel. 

you've noticed it for a while. noticed how hot he makes you feel. how his touch makes your skin burn. how his kisses linger on your skin. your lips automatically turned up in a smile whenever you see his name pop up on your screen. you're always thinking of him and you miss him when he isn't with you. you want to lock him up and never share him with anyone else because you'll get jealous. you want him by your side for eternity.

he is your life, your soul. your present and your future.

“i love you.” 

jisung looks at you, his eyes slowly widening. you haven't registered what you've just said, feeling like you're in a haze.

“say that again.” 

“huh?” you blink, coming back to reality.

“do you mean it? like, truly?” 

“mean what?”

“you said… you said you love me.” your eyes widen as you open and close your mouth like a goldfish, words stuck in your throat.

“i… i…uhm..”

“because–” he cups your cheeks gently. his eyes sparkling and wet as they fill with tears. “because i love you too. so fucking much.” 

your own eyes fill with tears as you watch tears trickle down jisung's cheeks. you laugh softly, stroking them away with your thumb.

“yes. i mean it, ji. i love you.”

“fuck.” he sobs before kissing you sweetly. you laugh in the kiss before kissing his tears away.

“yn.” he mumbles. you hum as a response. “i’m really fuckin' hard.. it hurts..” you press your lips together and glance down.

true to his word you can see a bulge in his suit pants. the fabric hugs him nicely, giving you a brief idea of his size and girth. he looks thick and long.

“please yn.. please do something. i can't bear it no more.” his voice is husk and dripping with lust. it tickles your ears and makes you shake with adrenaline.

you reach down and unbutton his pants, pulling the zip down. it gives him a small sense of relief but it's not enough. he lets out a small sigh before raising up a little on his knees to allow you to pull his pants down.

you do so with shaky hands, pulling them down to his thighs. jisung watches you stare at his crotch, watching you soak in all the information you have right in front of you.

his grey boxer shorts hugging his lower half tightly, the material stretching a little due to his bulge. it hugs him, feeling too snug to be comfortable. a wet patch where his tip is resting turning the fabric a darker grey.

“baby.. you're embarrassing me.” you look up to see jisung looking to the side, his bottom lip being chewed and his cheeks pink.

“sorry! it's just..” you trail off. jisung laughs softly and cups your cheeks.

“it’s ok. i understand.” he kisses your forehead gently. his muscles twitch and jerk as he feels your fingers come into contact with his sides.

you hook your fingers under the waistband of his shorts and slowly pull them down. you both hold your breath, time feeling like it's slowed down. you reveal his happy trail, his neatly trimmed hair until finally, his penis bounces free from its restraints.

jisung sighs heavily in relief, his eyes closing. you, on the other hand, stare at him with your mouth wide open. your hands have now bundled up the fabric of his shorts as you swallow and lick your lips.

you knew he was packing, that was evident in the way you could see it in jeans, pants and even his underwear – but you didn't think he'd be this big.

“holy. you're big.” you say without giving it a second thought. jisung stutters and covers his face with his hands, peering at you through the gap of his fingers.

“not sure if that's a compliment or not but, thank you.” 

“it's a compliment.” you whisper before leaning down.

his hips buck and muscles twitch. you haven't done anything but your breath fanning against his hot skin makes him throb and anticipate. you lick your lips and use the tip of your tongue to lick his tip.

“f-fuck.” he instantly moans. your actions are miniscule but it feels so much more than what it is. maybe it's because he's wanted this for so long or maybe it's because you both confessed and said i love you that makes it feel the way it does.

you press your tongue flat against his tip. your taste buds are met with a salty flavour from his pre-cum. you wrap one hand around the base of his penis as you slowly start to become more confident. you stroke him slowly, rotating your wrist a few times as you wrap your lips around his tip.

he feels hot – so so hot. jisung feels like his skin is burning. he feels like he is drowning in molten lava. he pants as he watches you, his eyes half-lidded and his teeth chewing on his bottom lip.

“hot.” he pants. he reaches down to bury his fingers in your hair. “ahh, fuck..” his head tilts to the side as you bob your head in time with your hand, giving his penis equal stimulation from both your hand and mouth.

you flatten your tongue to stoke the underside of him. you can feel the bumps from his veins against your palm. you hollow out your cheeks and breath through your nose the best you can. the corners of your mouth start to stretch and sting due to them splitting slightly. your mouth becomes accumulated with saliva which makes it easier for you to take more of him.

“a-ah.. fuck, yes. that's it. god, your mouth is so warm and feels so good.”

his praises and soft moans hug your ears. the deep octa waves of his voice send shivers down your spine and encourage you to be more brave. your eyes flutter shut as you focus all your attention on pleasuring jisung. 

he slowly unravels right before you. a thin sheen of sweat soaking his body as his penis throbs and twitches. he gently tugs on your hair, his hips bucking several times. soft whimpers and moans leave his swollen and parted lips as he slowly becomes dizzy with heat and lust.

jisung reaches down and gently pushes you away from him. you look up at him with a confused expression, eyebrows furrowed together. he strokes your saliva coated lips with his thumb before speaking.

“you're going to make me cum and i don't want to cum just get.” 

you laugh softly but it's quick to become muffled and swallowed by jisung kissing your lips slowly and passionately. you only pull away from a brief second to allow him to undress you.

once stripped of your clothing, you're left in your underwear. just like you did, jisung is currently staring at your body. his mouth agape and eyes filling with love and admiration as he soaks in every single detail of your body.

you become aware of his eyes and feel somewhat violated by his piercing gaze. you cross your arms across your breasts and stomach, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

“hey, don't do that.” he whispers softly to you as he gently pries away your arms.

“but it's embarrassing.” you mumble.

“but you're so gorgeous, yn.” you remain silent. you don't know how to respond. he's always showered you with compliments and love, forever telling you how beautiful and pretty you are but it feels different this time and it's making you feel embarrassed and shy.

your thoughts are disrupted by the feeling of jisung kissing your stomach. you watch him, tangling your fingers in his hair. he reaches up and hooks a finger underneath your bra strap as if he's silently asking.

you nod slowly. he grins, showing his teeth and gums. he takes off your bra and discards it with the rest of the clothing. his head dips low and you close your eyes, whimpering as you feel his lips peppering kissing on your breasts.

“so pretty.” he mumbles between each kiss. your hard nipple is caught between his teeth, lips sucking and tongue licking the sensitive nub.

you chew your bottom lip to suppress the moans that are building in the back of your throat. you tremble a little and let out a small pant. jisung notices and releases your nipple to kiss your neck softly and slowly.

“don't hold back your voice. let me hear your pretty moans.”

tingles are being left behind from where jisung has kissed your skin. heat pools in the pit of your stomach and much to jisung's delight, you let go of the moan that had been building in the back of your throat.

“see. told you your moans sound pretty.” his hot breath fanning against your hard nipple before his tongue swipes over it slowly. it gets covered in saliva and slowly becomes sore and sensitive.

the tips of your fingers and toes feel tingly. you feel restless and needy. you want him to hurry up and touch you but at the same time, you want to indulge and embrace the sweet yet tender moment.

he moves from your breast and kisses between them, kissing, sucking and licking your stomach whilst his hair tickles your skin. he stops just above the waistband of your underwear, eyes flicking up to meet your hungry gaze.

you nod and give him the go ahead. he licks his lips and slowly pulls down your underwear, discarding them on the floor. you swallow, feeling nervous and embarrassed now that you're on full display for jisung to see.

he shuffles between your legs, kissing your inner thigh slowly as well as sucking it. he squeezes your soft flesh as he looks at you and keeps eye contact with you. you bite your bottom lip, loving this new side to him. your once innocent looking skin now tainted with purple love bites and goosebumps.

using the tip of his middle finger, he trails it up and down your inner thigh slowly. he looks at your pussy, humming softly as the sight of your soaked folds and swollen clit.

“all this for me?” he whispers as he drags his middle finger to your entrance and gently scoops some of your slick onto it. you nod slowly, unable to speak with how embarrassed you feel. “cute.” he mumbles before licking his finger clean.

he leans down and in, pressing his tongue flat against your neglected bud. your muscles twitch and you gasp as electric like tingles shoot up and down your spine. jisung hums at your reaction, swiping his tongue along your clit.

“j-jisun.. aah!” your eyes flutter close as you press your head onto the pillows. the tip of jisung's tongue is now swirling around your bud, fingers teasing your entrance slowly. he gently sucks on your clit before kitten licking it and moaning softly.

he hooks his arms under your legs, pulling you flush against his face. his tongue slips down to your entrance where he laps at your slick, moaning at the taste and rutting against the mattress. he huffs occasionally, hot breathes fanning against your entrance.

“so good.” he mumbles. you go to reply but a moan replaces your words due to jisung slowly pushing his tongue into your entrance. your warmth encapsulates his tongue, fingers digging into the skin of your thighs. he pushes and pulls his tongue in and out whilst his nimble fingers work on stimulating your clit.

“mhm, fuck. ji don't stop, please.” you moan as you reach down and grab his hair on your hands. you gently tug as your back arches a little. jisung feels your walls flutter on his tongue, your muscles twitching with the stimulation.

your folds get coated in slick and saliva along with jisung's lips and chin. he pulls away for a brief second to catch his breath before resuming back to the task at hand. jisung is thrusting into the mattress, the roughness of the sheets rubbing against his length that's being pressed against his stomach and coating it in his pre-cum.

you feel that all too familiar heat and knot in the pit of your stomach. you gasp and moan, tugging at his hair by the roots. your eyes flutter open and you look up at him as he pulls away, your lips forming a pout.

“i want to carry on, believe me baby but–” he kneels up and between your legs. he looks down and bites his lip. you follow his gaze and press your lips together in a thin line from how hard he is. “it’s painful. i need to be inside of you.”

“o-oh.” you blush. “then, hurry up because i want you.” 

“do you have any protection?” you nod and point to the side drawer by your bed. jisung reaches over you and you take this opportunity to lean up and kiss his neck. jisung grunts and shivers, his lips parting slightly as you gently bite and lick his skin.

“baby.. you're not helping.” 

“shh, just focus on getting a condom.” you purr. jisung's hands fumble around, struggling to open the drawer. when he does, he is met several packs of condoms, lube and some toys.

“i see you're fully stocked up.” he says with a smirk, grabbing a condom and closing the drawer. you feel heat rising to your cheeks.

“there for a friend.” you mumble, averting his gaze. jisung laughs as he opens the condom.

“riiiight, a friend.” 

“shut up.” you whine. “it's better to be prepared.”

“oh i know. that's what i love about you, baby.” you watch him roll the rubber on his length and hold your waist, pulling you closer to him. “ready?”

“i’m ready.”

jisung nods and holds the base of his penis. he guides it to your entrance, rubbing his tip against it and between your folds before slowly pushing in. you both hiss for different reasons.

for him, the warmth and tightness is delicious. you feel so comfy and hot that the heat is spreading throughout his entire body and replacing the blood in his veins with molten lava. he feels his cheeks becoming hot, his palms sweaty and brain feeling like it's melting.

for you, the pain from the stretch burns. you know it'll subside once you get used to him but his thickness is currently the issue. he is being careful and content, going ever so slow for you. he has a little under half his length in and you already feel full.

“it’s not all of it but you're still so tight so we shall go from here.” jisung manages to say through his laboured breaths. he gives you a few minutes to adjust, his hands gripping onto you as he painfully waits.

you give him a nod that tells him it's ok. he starts of slowly, the burn still there but pleasure is soon quick to override it. you reach down and hold onto his wrists as he slowly picks up the tempo. 

his head tilts to the side and his lips part slightly. soft moans and grunts leave his lips. you hold onto him, your body rocking with each thrust of his hips.

“aah fuck. you feel even better than i imagined.” he pants.

“y-you too. please go a little faster and harder.” jisung nods and starts to thrust harder and faster. your back arches as pleasure hugs your body tightly, making you feel like you're suffocating. moans being lodged in your throat.

jisung leans over you, resting on his forearms that are beside your head. the new position allows him to push a little bit of his length deeper inside you but his hips slow down. his movements are long, slow and sensual. 

the ridges of his cock rub your gummy walls, reaching places that have never been touched before. jisung leans down, burying his head into the crook of your neck as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“this feels too good.” his voice is hoarse and low due to his throat being dry from panting. his hair sticks to his skin, the tips coated in sweat as his body glistens.

“it does. you're so deep, ji. please don't stop.” you whisper in his ear, moaning a few times.

“fuck.. you sound so fucking pretty moaning my name. is it even possible to become even more addicted to you?” he kisses your neck slowly and gently. 

your gummy walls tighten around him. both of you reaching your peaks. denying yourselves from previous orgasms meant that it's been building and building up to this point.

“i can't..” you stutter, nail digging into his back.

“me too.. i think i’m at my limit.” you whimper and nod as a response. a few more thrusts and you both orgasm together. your walls flutter around him whilst he twitches and empties into the condom.

you both pant heavily, exhaustion settling in. jisung's arms shake a little, threatening to give up and collapse on top of you. using the remaining strength he has, he pushes himself up and pulls out slowly, taking off the condom, tying and discarding it.

you spread out on the bed, eyes slowly closing. jisung laughs and kisses your forehead gently. he rushes to the bathroom, running a warm bubble bath for you both.

he gently scoops you up in his arms, placing you in the tub before settling behind you. after washing yourselves, you both take a few minutes to relax. you lean into his chest, listening and feeling his steady heartbeat.

“i’m sorry about before..” he mumbles as he strokes your hair slowly. “i became too excited and lost myself in the moment.”

“it’s ok. all's forgiven.” you grin, looking up at him. your grin falters as you look at him. his head dipped low, chin tucked into his chest. his boba eyes glistening as he chews his bottom lip. “hey, it's ok.” 

you spin around to face him in the tub, kneeling uncomfortable in the small tub. you cup his damp cheeks gently, water droplets falling from the tips of his hair. he looks at you and pouts softly.

“but i sca–” you press your lips against his to silence him. his eyes widen a little but he is quick to kiss back.

“i said it's ok. you stopped and you snapped out of it pretty quickly. don't beat yourself up about it, baby. besides–” you push his hair back gently “i enjoyed my first time with you.”

“me too.” his cheeks flush pink, whether from him feeling shy or the humidity of the bathroom. “i’d love to do it with you again.”

“the feelings mutual.” you giggle before kissing his forehead. “now c’mon, let's get to bed. it's been a long night and i’m exhausted.”

jisung agrees and gets out of the tub with you. you both dry yourselves off and get ready for bed. jisung suddenly scoops you up in his arms which causes you to squeal and laugh. he walks to the bed, gently placing you down.

you snuggle into the duvet, watching jisung get in beside you. he faces you, holding your hand gently.

“i love you, yn. i love you so much.” he plays with your fingers as he whispers those sweet and delicate words to you. your heart flutters and skips beats, time freezing for nth time.

“i love you too, ji. forever and always.” 

[it-happened-one-fic]

Come My Way - Silver

Author Notes: So, this was certainly a thing. I started writing this after the Diasomnia chapter while listening to AmaLee's cover of "Come this Way" from the Inuyasha anime and it kind of spiraled from there. I decided I'd play with the entire red string of fate thing despite it being rather heavy-handed in terms of romance since Prefect and Silver have some interesting ties within the storyline which I have considered writing an analysis of for my analysis blog. (plus I do find the red string of fate to be quite romantic at times and it was a nice tie in for all the other Inuyasha stuff) I came back and edited this fic to the original version of the song "Come" that is seventh ending theme of Inuyasha. All in all, the fic ended up long, but I still found it intriguing enough to post since I didn't have a fic in particular planned for this week. As per usual, reader is gender neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender neutral reader /sfw /fluff /some drama /romance /spoilers for Diasomnia chapter

Word count: 2584

Fated love was something that seemed to only occur in fairytales. An amusing thought for someone from the country of the fae to have. But to Silver, the idea of meeting someone he was fated to be with despite the many obstacles life could hold was beautiful, but also rather improbable.

Especially when he considered his narcolepsy.

It was almost like a fond dream, perfect and wonderful, until he awoke and the dream was shattered.

And yet, when he first saw you, Silver felt a glimmer of something akin to recognition. 

But he knew, for a fact, that he had never met you. There was no way he could have since you were from an entirely other world that was supposedly devoid of magic.

So Silver had initially shrugged that strange sensation of familiarity off. Deciding that you probably just had one of those faces that looked incredibly similar to someone else’s. 

But he’d still wanted to get to know you. Out of curiosity, if nothing else.

The mere idea of even meeting you soon seemed to be perfectly impossible, though. Because it was like the world itself was endeavoring to keep the two of you apart. 

And maybe it was. You weren’t from this world, and, if Silver thought logically about it, perhaps it was best if he didn’t talk to you. 

Maybe he didn’t need to let whatever this pull was that seemed to draw him inevitably towards you have its way. After all, if he were already so intrigued by you without talking to you, then he didn’t see how it could get any better once he did get to know you.

And then, if you did as you no doubt wished and went home, he would be left alone.

Alone and empty, he feared, if the sensation that he was close to meeting someone beyond important to him that swelled within him every time he saw you was anything to go by.

Initially, he’d kept his thoughts to himself. Better that way, since he didn’t want to bother anyone else with the strange, foreign feelings. But when he started seeing you in his dreams, always distant but ever present and seemingly unreachable. That was when it had gone on long enough.

Lilia had smiled at him amusedly when he’d explained the strange sensation that he knew you despite having never met you and the urges he felt to speak to you. To get to know you.

It was as if the ancient fae had already known, and he even nodded like he was completely unsurprised as he’d spoken. His tone oddly pleased, “I had wondered if this would happen. They do remind me of you, after all.”

Silver had felt his eyes widen at his father’s words before he shook his head in confusion, “How are they like me?”

Lilia had laughed aloud at his son’s words, rubbing Silver’s head like he was still a small child as his eyes gleamed with amused fondness, “Why, you’re both diligent, reserved, good children. Humans who don’t judge others by their race and who are capable of forgiving even the greatest of evils. You both serve as a sort of light within the darkness to the hearts of those you touch.”

Silver had felt himself smile, shaking his head at his father’s words but knowing better than to deny what he’d said. Lilia had always doted on his son, and even if Silver didn’t agree with the image he painted, Lilia wouldn’t accept his refusal.

Lilia had sat down next to Silver on the bed, his eyes narrowing with amusement, “Let me tell you a story from another land far, far away.”

Silver had focused on his father’s words, frowning slightly in determination to remain focused without falling asleep.

“In the same land that holds the great Loong dragons, there is a story of a red string.” Lilia had spoken in a soft voice, the one that always lulled Silver to sleep but also held the greatest of secrets.

“No one knows what spinning wheel weaves this string; perhaps it is the wheel of life itself. But legend has it that this thin strand of red ties you to your fated one.”

Silver had nodded, not surprised by the contents of the legend. It was much like other stories that revolved around fate, but he tilted his head nonetheless, “A single string seems an odd choice for a tie that binds.”

Lilia had nodded, giggling slightly before he continued, “It is, isn’t it? But that fragility hides incredible strength. Just like how love can seem fragile, but can weather even the greatest of storms, this single thread of red string is strong. No matter the distance, time, or circumstance, it will remain strong.”

He’d blinked, his pink eyes gleaming in the darkness like some sort of omen. A subtle reminder that there was more to Silver’s father than met the eye as he finished, his voice dropping and having caused Silver to still ever-so-slightly, “Perhaps it could even stretch across worlds, should fate will it.”

With only those words, it became beyond clear what Lilia had met when he’d started his tale and how it connected to Silver’s trouble with you. Silver had shook his head slightly, smiling softly, as he’d realized what Lilia was doing. It hadn’t the first time his father had teased him about romance.

“Father, I don’t think a thread of legend is what is causing me to be fascinated by Y/n,” At Silver’s words, Lilia had nodded. Smiling to himself, like he knew a secret that no one else knew anything about.

Lilia’s hands had found Silver’s, and the ancient fae had looked down at his son’s hands, calloused from the use of the sword, as his own rough thumb had slipped over his son’s pinkie finger, the smile on his face spreading, “Perhaps not… Perhaps not.”

The days wore on, and Silver had thought very little of the discussion he’d had with his father, even as you remained an ever-present thought in his mind.

And then he’d finally interacted with you. 

It had seemed more like an accident than anything. A small blip in the plans of the world as time itself had seemed to slow around the two of you, and you blinked at him in quiet surprise before you smiled.

It had been a very brief interaction, with you almost bumping into him in a doorway as he’d started to enter a classroom. You’d backtracked quickly, laughing slightly as you apologized and moved out of his way even as he’d assured that there was no problem and that he should have been paying better attention to where he was going.

And after that, Silver had found himself bumping into you more and more. Spending time with you between classes. Waking up to find you sitting next to him, like you were protecting him. Before long, he was even walking you back to your dorm.

“Silver, it seems you’ve befriended the Child of Man. You’ve been spending quite a bit of time with them,” Malleus’s smile had been beyond smug as he greeted Silver one day when Silver had only just gotten back from walking you to Ramshackle dorm.

Silver had blinked at the prince’s words, half-startled, before he nodded, “Yes, Y/n and I have been helping each other with classes.”

It was strange, in many ways, to use an evasive remark when Silver had known he hadn’t been doing anything wrong, but something about the way Lilia had smiled at him from around Malleus. His large eyes, narrowing with amusement as he looked at his son, that had Silver faltering.

“They are quite charming, aren’t they? It seems they have won over most of the school by now,” Malleus’s fingers had brushed across his lips as if he were trying to hide the amused grin that stretched across his face.

But his words were true. Silver seemed to have been the last one to reach where you were, and now that he’d been standing next to you, he’d noticed something.

You worried about and for those around you. A little bit too much, in fact. 

Silver suspected that was why you’d wound up in so many situations, to the point where you were something of a celebrity within the school. One that was either hated or loved depending on who you spoke to.

But you went out of your way to help those around you and did your best to keep up with your peers, even though there was no way you could truly succeed in the magic-related classes.

It was like you were running from something and using everything to distract yourself from whatever that thing was.

And perhaps that was why Silver hadn’t been surprised when he’d found you asleep on your couch, where you’d passed out before he’d shown up to study with you.

The fact you had been asleep wasn’t odd; you’d been falling asleep during the day more and had mentioned not sleeping well at night before. What had been concerning, though, were the marks of dried tears on your face that had caused Silver to frown as he’d knelt down beside you.

Because that was what he had been worried about even then. That you weren’t letting yourself rely on others and were instead pushing yourself to support everyone else and avoiding your own problems.

For someone who’d been magically transported to a world that wasn’t your own, you seldom mentioned your home and took a surprising amount in stride.

He’d remembered how you’d looked when Leona had overblotted. Grimly determined and afraid. But Silver had suspected that fear had been less in regard to your own potential injury and more for Leona himself.

He hadn’t said anything, though. Silver knew when someone didn’t want to talk about something. But he also knew that if you ever needed him, he would be here. Right by your side and waiting.

You hadn’t come to him with your troubles, though. Instead, you’d bore them in silence all the way up until shortly before Silver’s entire world changed.

That day, you’d been different.

“Y/n, what is it?” You jolted from your fidgeting motions, as if Silver’s soft voice had startled you, and you’d looked at him with wide, almost fearful eyes that had caused him to frown.

You’d relaxed, though, something that he’d wondered about even then. Was it a natural reaction or forced?

“I… I just feel like something’s going to happen,” Silver had tilted his head at your words, so unlike how usually laid-back you were.

“How so?” You’d met his gaze as he spoke and kept his voice soft and carefully controlled as he’d leaned forward and towards you.

“Do you believe that dreams can sometimes predict things?” Silver had felt his eyebrows raise at your words, and at first he’d honestly thought you were teasing him. But a single glance at your expression, worry-filled as it was, had told him everything.

“Fa- Lilia has spoken of prophetic dreams and people who can see things before; why?” You’d nodded at his words, looking away as if you were deep in thought.

And after a brief moment, you’d looked back toward him. A forced smile sweeping across your face that was nowhere near as natural as the one you usually wore. 

Your hand had found his, surprising him slightly as a tingle had seemed to shoot through him at your mere touch as you’d spoken, your smile softening as you’d seemed to reassure yourself, “I just hope everything stays like this.”

Your words had lingered in his mind, playing on repeat like an omen, until the day had come when Lilia told him he was leaving.

That was when everything had shattered, and suddenly, somewhere in the back of his mind, Silver had wondered: Was this what you’d been worried about?

He hadn’t gotten a chance to ask or even see you until after everything had happened.

Lilia’s farewell party had come; Silver had confessed everything about his feelings and frustrations to Malleus, and then Malleus had overblotted.

Silver knew he was lucky, though. Lucky that, in some small way, you’d warned him. And lucky that the very moment he’d fallen asleep, he’d known something was amiss.

It had been subtle, but in the midst of the slightly off, too-perfect world that was his dream, he’d felt it. A gentle tugging at his pinkie finger, like a thread was wrapped around it, was being pulled.

The sensation sent a jolt through him, and Silver turned, his eyes widening as he caught sight of a bird trailing a strange rainbow light. And then he knew what was wrong with everything that surrounded him.

Where were you? 

If this were a perfect world, you’d be here. And the fact you were missing was why he’d felt so empty. Because you were nowhere to be seen. Almost like you’d never existed.

Light seemed to flash around him, like stars guiding him forth as he ran forward, chasing that rainbow bird and following that invisible thread that seemed to pull him onwards.

It was a sensation he recognized and was familiar with. He knew who lay at the end of this path, even if he didn’t fully understand what was going on.

Somehow, someway. You were calling him, even if you didn’t know it.

Silver had vowed very few things in his life. To defend Malleus, to care for his father, and to protect those dear to him. And finally there was the silent, unspoken oath that now pushed him forward from behind, as the promise of your presence pulled him onwards. The oath he’d made with himself to stay by your side.

It was a selfish oath that he’d made without entirely realizing it until now.

Instinctively, he closed his eyes as he burst forth through the edges of his dream and into the corridor of dreams that would lead him to you. And he saw something he’d never seen before. 

Something he now suspected his father had seen a long time ago, all those days ago when he’d first told him about that legend about fate and threads.

It was a thin red strand, so fragile-looking, but pulled taut as it connected him to something further down the invisible path before him. And he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, where that thread would lead him.

So he ran. Shouting your name even as he burst forth into a new dream. One filled with inky shadows as it crumbled to pieces around you.

“Y/N!!” At his shout, you looked up. Your eyes wide from where you stood in the center of the collapsing dream, clutching Grim to you.

“S-Silver!” You faltered, having to stop yourself from stepping towards him as you slowly ran out of space to stand in as Grim yowled something that came out garbled in his distress as Silver reached out to you.

“Hold on to me! Both of you,” There was no hesitation in your motions as you grabbed onto his hand, and he wrapped an arm around you as he pulled both you and Grim up against him. 

The words of his spell held new meaning as he spoke them with you at his side, “To the person I met someday, to the person I will meet one day….” He glanced down at you, now knowing that you were that fated person.

“Meet in a dream.”

[natsmagi]

i'm not even a switchP but the new event pissing me off as well

if i were to put into Crazy:B type stuff it's kinda like if himeru has his secret outed to like the whole world for no reason or if rinne decides to go back to his village and become the next leader of it

Like it makes to fucking sense to their stories

ITS ALL SO FUCKING STUPIDDDDDDDDDDD I DONT KNOW WHAT THEYRE THINKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

and not only is it stupid, but like. the whole POINT of switch is this attachment to childlike wonder and magic. To cling to a promise, a wish, is the most SWITCH-THING THEY CAN DO. AND NOW THEYRE CLAIMING THIS SWITCH-THING TO BE A CURSE????? ITS A CURSE TO FOLLOW IN SWITCHS FOOTSTEPS?????????? ITS A CURSE TO CLING TO FAIRYTALE BELIEFS LIKE A RED STRING OF FATE????????????? WHAT THE FUCK DO WE HAVE GALAXY DESTINY FOR

[slaaverin]

https://www.tumblr.com/slaaverin/760906006411771904/hey-slavv-youre-video-edit-was-wonderful-thank?source=share

thank you for replying

that’s so Interesting you thought they’d mention it, may I ask how or why? It seemed left of field for many. I don’t think either has ever mentioned it before, and almost shied away from it in festa 2020.

You have such a beautiful way with words, and I agree the whole episode was so beautiful, just them enjoying the small things, walking for a cup of coffee or food, the train, a museum. It’s all so wonderfully normal. Just two guys in their 20s, happy with each other and their love.

I don’t want the show to end, it’s going to be so hard to let it go. But, knowing they are toggle right now, that their plan worked, they have each other even in this most difficult time, it’s beautiful. Like the red string of fate.

I just had a hunch. This is Japan, a very special place for them, and they knew they would enlist together, so I thought they would be more relaxed and open. I believed that if there would be a time to talk about children, even in brief passing (I didn't expect them to have a deep talk about it either or anything) that would be the right moment. Because this trip is a pocket outside of time, outside of daily life, and thus it can make you think about the important stuff more than usual.

The way the had the discussion in the restaurant also shows this. They talked freely about their feelings on certain events from the past, that's something we don't get to see *that* often because there is a time and a space to have these discussions, certain parameters, that this particular environnement provided.

When you are with your SO in such a romantic place, and you really care about spending time with them, it opens space for some deeper reflections, it's like going the extra step because this moment is important to you.

I don't expect them to have these types of discussions in every episode (but maybe they will surprise me again?)

But even them playing the songs in the car, Jimin singing "standing next to you", this trip really is about them and their relationship.

So I think we'll get other *moments* that speak volume of their connexion and how they care about it.

I don't want it to end either, but thinking they are together right now, making fun of each other's bald heads, and supporting each other makes my mind at ease.

I also believe after military we're gonna get at least another season of AYS, don't know when, but I suspect now they started they won't be able to stop lol so that gives me hope.

💜

[eightmandibles]

Mawaru Penguindrum Phrases Breakdown

I've written a big long post breaking down some of the repeated phrases of the show Mawaru Penguindrum because rewatching it a year ago gave me brainrot. Hope those who r interested enjoy.

Alright this has been occupying my brain for so long it should've started paying rent so I've decided to finally write it all up. Some of these are my own thoughts, but a lot of these are pieces of interpretations that are floating out there on the web. I just didn’t find any one place that compiles them all and puts them together.

Mawaru Penguindrum is the first Ikuhara show I ever watched and something about it really changed my brain forever even though I didn’t really understand what I was watching the first time through (because I was in middle school). I love its surreality and the density of its visual metaphors that all feed into each other has me like an insane person complete with a red string conspiracy board (that will be a section later). It’s show that challenges the viewers to piece together concepts and leaves questions for them to answer on their own, some intended and some probably not as much. I admire the ambition and the commitment to exist in a space that's between trite judgements of black and white, good and evil, and to trust the viewer to really engage with the work.

In this blog post I’m going to break down some of the major catchphrases of the show because they exemplify how the visual/thematic density rewards viewers who spend the time to really engage with the material. It also personally fascinates me as someone who enjoys these puzzle box-type themes and narratives that have the answers staring you right in the face from the beginning, but you just didn’t have the tools to understand what you were being cryptically told.

MAWARU PENGUINDRUM

We gotta start from the beginning and break down the title first of course.

MAWARU: spinning, turning, rotating - which brings themes like revolution and cycles to mind

It’s probably also nod to Revolutionary Girl Utena (though both shows share a lot of themes in examining and trying to challenge or examine societal norms, structures, and cycles).

PENGUINDRUM:

First layer of understanding: the physical diary that the Kanba and Shoma must find (actually it’d be more accurate the say the first layer is just being like “this is a nonsense word” but I digress)

Let’s do another layer of breakdowns -

PENGUIN: Flightless birds that belong neither to the land or the sea - chosen to represent the idea of the “unchosen.” Those in Antarctica need to rely on their community to survive in their harsh environment, huddling and rotating (mawaru…) to keep everyone warm.

There’s a common rumor out there that Ikuhara said penguins were also chosen because it sounds like “pingguo” which is apple in Chinese. Honestly I believe it because he seems to be the kind of person to say stuff like that, but also I’ve never found a source on this.

DRUM: An instrument that keeps a steady beat…like a heartbeat…badum tss. The apple in the show always being red reinforces this association.

Second layer of understanding: When the diary is lost, what the “penguindrum” is exactly becomes more nebulous and we start operating in a metaphor-as-reality world. In terms of visual representation in the show, the “penguindrum” is the “apple” the siblings have been sharing among themselves.

The Penguindrum being represented by an apple means there’s a lot of associations tied into its image. In the show, apples are a visual metaphor for being "chosen". Classically, apples are also the fruit of original sin (like fate…not to jump ahead but remember this for later) - which ties into the concept of “punishment” that Himari's fate is framed as.

Because of the breakdown from earlier (and also all the chest puncturing imagery in the show lol), we can also understand the Penguindrum to be associated with the heart - often in turn associated with love, which is a very loaded concept to dig through, especially as presented in the show (romantic, platonic, and/or familial connections; sacrifice, community, etc.)

Taking these all together, a third layer of interpretation is that Mawaru Penguindrum refers to the cycle (Mawaru) of sharing bonds/fate/connection/love (Penguindrum) between the show’s characters.

SURVIVAL STRATEGY

This phrase is what signals the Princess of the Crystal's presence and initiates the transformation sequence that takes the brothers into a surreal world.

The common reading of this is again the reference of penguins needing to huddle together to survive the cold of Antarctica. They rotate who bears the cold wind of the outside circle in order for the whole flock to survive. Basically, we need the help and support of each other to survive the cold winds of an uncaring society.

While thinking on this phrase, I was struck by how every character’s drive in the show can be explained as “survival strategies” they learned as children. Perhaps it’s a bit of a stretch to apply it in the way this phrase is used in psychology, but I do think it at least refers to the ideology characters take on as children due to their traumatic childhood events or from flawed role models.

Ringo’s “survival strategy” is the most explicitly stated in the show: in episode 6, she believes her parents are on the verge of divorce because she is not Momoka - therefore to keep her family together she resolves to become Momoka. 

The origin of Kanba and Himari’s core approaches to life appear in the flashbacks of episodes 5 and 9 respectively. The Takakura parents each protect the two adopted children from injury by glass, a nod to their original unchosen fate. In doing so, they’re set up as the direct masculine and feminine role models that the two children learn from and model themselves on. I’m not sure it’s accurate to say that the lessons they internalize are strictly “wrong,” because I don’t think Penguindrum is interested in discussing characters like that, but they definitely are flawed.

Shoma deals with guilt from his family’s “sin” and grapples with the idea of taking responsibility for his parents’ actions.

Tabuki and Yuri still believe themselves to be “unloved children” and that’s why they keep pursuing Momoka or seeking revenge for her. They struggle to believe there’s a place in the world for them without their savior there.

Masako is a pretty clear one as well - she internalizes her grandfather’s habits and beliefs in order to try and fit in, even if it never earned her any respect in his eyes.

The childhood of the characters in the show informed how they viewed the society they grew up in, and what they needed to do or become in order to survive.

YOU WHO WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING, FIND THE PENGUINDRUM

Honestly I’m obsessed with the phrases that first sound like absolute nonsense, but cool absolute nonsense. This is the phrase that made me want to write this blog post in the first place.

The phrase is the call-to-action by the mysterious Princess of the Crystal. On first viewing, we can interpret so little of this sentence it’s really just a tool to sound cool and give us a snapshot of the Princess of the Crystal’s personality - haughty, cryptic, and generally unhelpful. It gives Kanba and Shoma a goal, even though neither us nor them understand what the hell it is.

YOU WHO WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING

As the show goes on, the themes and concepts around being a chosen or unchosen child arise. Those who are unchosen and unloved go to the Child Broiler to be turned into glass. This is semi-metaphorical and semi-literal (diegetic might be an appropriate word in a weird way) - metaphorically it can be interpreted as becoming a forgettable, blandly molded member of society, though being processed is acknowledged more like death in the show. In some ways that’s still accurate.

Each of the siblings started without an apple, literally-metaphorically starving of love and unchosen - originally they were fated to never amount to anything.

FIND THE PENGUINDRUM

Obviously this initially refers to the diary in the show, but as we broke down earlier PENGUINDRUM eventually takes on a more loaded meaning akin to love, bond, and connection.

So over the course of watching the show, the phrase transforms from a one-sided order and condemnation to a call to action. Put all together with a little more elaboration: You who were unchosen and unloved from the beginning, in order to survive in this harsh world you must find love and connection with people to share your life with, through good and bad.

I COME FROM THE DESTINATION OF YOUR FATE

Time to bust out the conspiracy red string board, literally-metaphorically.

The Red Line is the literal, metaphorical, and thematic spine of the show. There are two big starting categories for viewing The Red Line in the show, which then mix together to create new meanings as the show references it through imagery and dialogue.

First up, the Red Line refers to an actual train line that the entire show takes place upon, the Tokyo Metro Marunouchi line. The entire show is structured around the train line which starts with the Ogikubo Station and ends at Ikebukuro, with important locations being linked with the actual train stops. It was one of the train lines attacked in real life as part of the Tokyo subway sarin attack in 1995 which the Pingu group’s terrorist attack in the show is a very transparent reference to. This single point in time in 1995 is the origin of almost everything in Mawaru Penguindrum, and in fact almost half the cast is born on the exact day the Pingu group attacks, just to emphasize how closely their fates are tied to the attack.

Second, the Red Line can be seen as a representation of fate, as in the red string of fate. Fate and destiny are concepts brought up over and over again, with Shoma and Ringo having their own monologues about it in the first two episodes (and Kanba having his much later). The visualization of the red string of fate can also be seen in the ending animations.

Somewhere in between is the Red Line as the metaphor of a train to visualize fate. Fate is something that can’t be changed - just like how trains run on fixed tracks with fixed destinations. Of course this is challenged in the show - Momoka even uses the metaphor of changing train tracks to explain her ability.

Now, fate has its own set of associations, such as: destiny, love, connection, bond (hmm familiar), as well as superstitions like fated meetings, fated demises, divine determination.

These can start branching off into concepts like blessings, sins, retribution, and karma (cue the Fate monologues again). And now we start getting back into the idea of cycles: downward spirals of getting what one deserves for their actions, passing on one’s sins to those after you - or virtuous cycles of doing good deeds and passing love and care forward.

Often in discussions of fate, familiar questions arise. Does the beginning determine the end? Is the end fated from the beginning? And so the Red Line becomes the Red Circle, another visual device seen throughout the show. It’s all over the motion graphics of the show and appears around the train stations as well as around ‘95’, referencing the originating incident of it all - the beginning of the Takakura family that determined their end.

What I love about this use of the Red Line is that however you progress your understanding of the its importance to the show, it all helps you further understand any concept Mawaru Penguindrum is discussing. This coherence and repetition of visual metaphors is what allows the show to feel more texturally and thematically cohesive even when it starts getting loose in a plot sense.

(Going back to the initial phrase, I COME FROM THE DESTINATION OF YOUR FATE is said by the Princess of the Crystal in her introduction monologue. It likely lampshades the predetermined ending that the Takakura brothers are so desperately trying to avoid. But also, there is a much funnier, much more literal interpretation I enjoy - Ikebukuro, the last stop on the train line, is where the aquarium the siblings visit is. It’s also where the brothers bought the novelty penguin hat for Himari. So the Princess of the Crystal literally came from the destination (last stop) of your fate (the red line)!)

LET’S SHARE THE FRUIT OF FATE

This turns out to be the secret key phrase needed to activate the diary in order to change the tracks of fate, which Ringo uses at the end of the show in order to prevent another train attack from succeeding.

It’s probably not too hard to piece together what the fruit of fate is after all of this. In a sense, this phrase is just a repeat of Mawaru Penguindrum, just as an actual sentence with a bit more coherence.

I’ll bear your burdens and you’ll bear mine, and in doing so, let us forever be connected.

Wow, finally expunged these thoughts from my brain. Maybe somewhere in me there's still something left for a discussion on how the show uses repeated imagery and visual metaphor to communicate information and associations to the viewer that are vital to actually understanding what's going on because it's a narrative that half exists a non-literal thematic space but for now:

Thanks for reading!

[rocknrollsalad]

👨🏻‍❤️‍🧑🏻 - soulmates

Thank you for sending this in!! and for picking the only one I know anything about lol

Okay, so this prompt haunts me in my sleep because it's one of those Big Concepts that my long-winded ass would need 100k for, ya know? I mean, I want that for everything I write, if we're being serious, but especially something like soulmates.

i did mutual pining in a thousand words though so I can do this

The idea i have in my plotting notebook is from a tweet I saw somewhere:

if there is no red thread binding us together I'll grab a string and do it myself, loop it twice around our wrists, tie it with a knot, and a kiss for good measure. fate has no business telling me who to love. I've been yours since we met

the last two lines really scream eddie to me, especially. but the mental road block comes in because I get make the rest feel like eddie to me. it's a steve move to learn about the red string of fate (probably from robin as she poetically pins for vickie or something) and thinking that's what is between him and eddie.

so steve has the sort of explanation..................BUT what if I combine them???? oh this ask is doing it's job!! yeah, then, right? robin teaches steve about this concept and he's the more obvious romantic. he's the flowers and fancy dinners. eddie is the crow type where he brings cool things and stuff. steve "whines" to eddie that they can't see their red string but he knows its there and blah blah blah. and eddie does what he does best. he fashions them matching red bracelets. nothing lavish, definitely closer to string than say a cuff. but it has to tie to the lore, right? because if they can't see the red string of fate, eddie will do it himself! there's no denying that fate brought them together but if steve needs to see that, eddie doesn't mind helping him out. plus, it's not like they can wear wedding rings. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

please help me work out what to write for my steddie bingo card, the due date is approaching too quickly lol ( post with prompts )

don't hesitaite to send follow ups or questions about anything here. i need so many pushes here

[yuseirra]

Pardon me, I got my copy of volume 15 after getting home and it re-sparked a lot of feelings- I jotted stuff down again. Rest is machine-translated.

Kamiki really is a god, isn’t he??? ;;

That character is literally a god. ;; After hearing Ruby’s words, he granted her a wish at that time, didn’t he?(147) ;; He’s the god who grants wishes alongside his wife, Ame-no-Uzume.

To begin with, there’s this god of entertainment that was mentioned, whose husband is the god of light. And this character’s name is "Kamiki Hikaru," right? There are multiple references to gods in the story, and it is mentioned that there have been gods that's helped out the protagonists.

Then it's all set in stone. I don’t think this can be interpreted as something else, can it?

As for Kamiki’s problem: the topic of his “true nature” keeps coming up. But if you look at him, at least when he was younger, he wasn’t inherently “evil.” Kamiki’s issue, or rather, his driving principle, stems from how deeply “hollow” he is (chapter 146). This hollowness made him constantly seek love, try to fill himself, and want to see/feel Ai.

And when does the idea of hollowness come up? Isn’t there a part in Mephisto about being "Born of the abyss"?

In Fatal, there’s a narrator who, even with happiness, feels it disappear quickly and agonizes over how to fill that void, ("No matter how much happiness I pour into, This vessel will never be filled") all while yearning to see Ai again.

That’s him. Not Aqua. Remember when this person and Aqua both fell into the water? You see Kamiki reaching his hand out and being pulled down by things within the waters. That matches the ending scene. Aqua wrapped with red strings holding him down, reaching out toward the stars before scattering... I think the Season 1 ending sequence was a combined portrayal of both this person’s and Aqua’s fates.

Ugh, so what exactly was the movie’s plot? And this person—honestly, I think the scenario suggested around chapter 160, what Kamiki told of the day of Ai's death was the correct one, right? What reason would there be to change his statement from that point? Why would he contradict himself? To survive longer? But at that point, he didn’t know Aqua was trying to harm him, did he? I think he was genuinely ready to die, maybe even after seeing Ruby shine? If you follow mythology, that development would make sense. After being persuaded by his wife, Ame-no-Uzume, Sarutahiko abandoned what he was doing and returned to his homeland, was it, went fishing, and drowned—there’s that specific legend about this god! But whether he really died or not is ambiguous, and he ends up being honored alongside his wife, blessing relationships, guiding people, and overseeing purification rituals. Even though he lost his position as the sun god, he remains a protector and earth god.

I feel like Ai’s words must’ve caused some kind of change in his heart. Seriously, I reread the physical copy, and he said he won't mind if he died. ;; Which does make Mephisto his song, AQUA WANTED TO LIVE! Kamiki was ready to give his life FOR AI!!!

I think his storyline is best understood in connection with Mephisto and Fatal. Those two songs are clearly about this character.

But if that’s the case, the conclusion becomes: “This person wanted to revive Ai and meet her again or go to where she was.” That makes the scenario he mentioned in chapter 160 the most plausible. ;; It’s not like he killed her out of malice and then tried to bring her back out of regret after realizing she loved him.

Rather, it’s: "Ai didn’t love me. But even so, I want her to live. I want to see her again." < This type of desire is far removed from someone who resents being rejected and seeks revenge. He accepts that Ai didn't love him back. Kamiki poured everything in his life related to Ai, completely derailing his mental state and any semblance of normalcy. From my perspective, this behavior is less about wanting to harm Ai and more about someone so shocked by her death that they completely lost their grip on reality.

It’s not like he did much after being rejected for four years! Seriously, what is going on here? The scenario Kamiki himself explained is the most reasonable. Unless he can literally brainwash people with some superpowers (and even if he's capable of doing so, I doubt he'd have done it for Ai's case!! he loved her!!!) how else would events unfold this way? He’s a god, right? I think he didn’t even realize his own powers until Ai’s death, as suggested in the lyrics. It says he “I've forgotten who I lived as!” This person can literally twist people’s futures, but it always ends in destruction, which is why he’s Mephisto and Fatal.

So what’s the movie even about? Was it about Ai forgiving her boyfriend who killed her? But if that’s the case, Kamiki wouldn’t have had to explain himself to Aqua in chapter 154. That would’ve already been covered in the movie. Unless the movie portrays him as someone who ordered Ai’s murder but he’s explaining he didn’t intend it that way?

Why is everything so vague? But again, judging from how they recall each other, it doesn’t seem like they wanted to harm one another. Their feelings for each other are so affectionate and positive. Kamiki even thought Ai was the reason he kept living; her existence was that precious to him.

So why would he harm her? He couldn’t live without her. This doesn’t add up. And Ai wouldn’t speak so fondly of someone who was a bad person. If he had made her life difficult, she wouldn’t have said she wanted to spend eternity with him, was scared her children with him would burden him, but still kept them because she wanted to raise them together. That wouldn’t make sense.

For everything to align, Kamiki has to be a corrupted god. After rereading, I think this interpretation fits. It’s truly correct.

His name, actions, motives, abilities, traits, other people’s descriptions, and the events in the story—all of it matches if Kamiki is Sarutahiko Okami, the husband of Ame-no-Uzume, who Ai is the incarnation of.

They even said they were "the same". Ai was the one who first brought it up, and it was established early on that she’s tied to a god.

If Ai is a god, Kamiki is a god. If Kamiki is a god, Ai is a god. Sarutahiko also has been described as a monstrous figure, even if it’s rare. Why else would this character be named Kamiki Hikaru? It’s because he’s literally the god of light!

Ugh, they didn’t explain anything, and I spent months piecing this together... Why do they have him show up near shrines? He’s a god who grants wishes and interferes with people’s futures. I’m right. The stories of Fatal and Mephisto—I’ve been insisting on this—they’re Kamiki’s songs. Once that conclusion is reached, everything about his stance toward Ai is explained. He wanted to offer her things, even if it meant dying himself... and he does have lines hinting at this. He said he was willing to sacrifice his life for her(153) and that' it's okay if his life is used for Ai(161).

Isn’t this whole thing that's been happening around this guy...him reinforcing divine punishment? That would at least carry some sort of message.

If the moral is “Ai shouldn’t have loved her boyfriend; he was a terrible monster,” what kind of story is that? Does the protagonist have to die to take down such a monster? Wouldn’t it make more sense for the protagonist to live victoriously after defeating him?

But still, this story should feel separate from a straightforward “take him down” narrative. Blaming one character for all the story’s issues feels irresponsible, lazy, and disrespectful. That would be such a disappointing ending. Besides, if that were the case, Kamiki’s statements in 160 wouldn’t have been necessary. But I think they put that in there because that IS the real truth. I was talking about it even before it was suggested in the manga!!!

I think Kamiki originally only intended to send flowers to Ai. If Aqua’s interpretation is correct, Kamiki’s emotions would’ve been entirely different. He wouldn’t have become so desperate, done so much, or inspired songs like these. He wouldn’t have acted like that. Trusting Kamiki’s words makes the most sense in many ways. If what he's said is what's really happened, it would’ve certainly driven him to madness.

[youkaigakkou-tl]

Chapter 102 Translator's Notes Thoughts

You know what, I sort of thought I wouldn’t have much to say about this chapter, considering I’d already pored over all the details from Makuragaeshi arc and Yoseito, and in comes Tanaka Mai with a metal bat!

Summary:

Stuff about the color page

Actual translation note about the divine magic stuff

Stuff about the time travel

That theory I have about Haruaki’s exorcism power

(future op after writing the whole thing: jesus christ this is 3000 words. somebody stop me before i come out with a 70 page peer reviewed thesis one of these days)

Color page

The one with purple hair is Akira LOL I think everyone got got by it for at least a second because we’ve been seeing Douman so much, especially with that half the face blacked out, but look at the hair part. Also I only realised because of this art that Kurai and Akira have a mole by the mouth in the exact same spot, makes sense why he wants to cover it up now. (Irrelevant but I also have a mole in that same spot)

Also, the red string of fate…

Hey remember what happens in Makuragaeshi arc. yeahhhhh hahaha just stab that knife right into me hahaha sensei you would do this to them? to me?

A lot of the original folklore for the red string of fate is pretty mean, but the important common thread (heh) is that the two people meet long ago briefly and part ways, until they eventually get married while not remembering that first encounter, then they find out they knew each other from that first encounter. (Hey why does this sound like almost all the things that happen pre-main story in yohaji. Who is making spiderwebs with the threads of fate up there.)

Red string… Hatanaka’s red scarf, which Ibara knitted for him… His scarf, which isn’t present in the Makuragaeshi world… Tanaka Mai you are fucked up and evil for this. I am going to lie in the sand now.

The scarf… which she knitted for him maybe because she saw him with it 100 years ago…

Divine Magic

Ok I’ll be real I hate translating it as “divine magic” because it’s so vague but translating it as the actual Buddhism term is too specific and technical, when the word in Japanese and Chinese uses very common characters so it’s vague enough while still being the actual Buddhism term.

This chapter specifically calls back to chapter 22, and I totally didn’t recall any mention of anything divine so I had to double check with the JP. Sure enough, it’s used here, translated as “divine youkai magic”. But the thing is, in this situation “divine” just sounded like an adjective for “youkai magic”, rather than the whole phrase being a proper noun which is obvious in JP. (This is sort of why I’m going with “divine magic” instead, and that there’s nothing in the JP word that says “youkai” anyway) (By the way, it’s also on the blackboard in Miki’s class in chapter 96. I translated it as “divine power” then because there was no context)

The word is “神通力 jin-tsuu-riki”, and the Buddhism concept it’s referring to is Abhijñā, or the “six types of higher knowledge”.

Breaking down the word,

神 jin: god/divine

通 tsuu: connection/understanding/knowledge

力 riki: power

Exactly as Hatanaka explains it, in the most literal sense, it means “power that has connection to the gods”. “Jintsuuriki” is also another word for psychic powers in general, but it’s definitely this Buddhism concept because of the names of the six types.

Hatanaka just summarized it, so I think it’s safe to assume there’s more to all of them, and also I want to explain what each of them does anyway, even if they definitely won’t end up being the exact same in the manga.

^ Putting this here so it’s easy to refer to.

1. 神足通 Jin-soku-tsuu (Divine step)

Literally translated, it is “god step connection” (all of them end in “tsuu”). The specific name for it is Iddhi, and is generally called “higher powers”, or “powers of transformation”? I went with a name that’s almost a literal translation of the JP.

The specific abilities attributed to it include:

Replicating and projecting images of oneself

Becoming invisible

Passing through solid objects

Going through solid ground

Walking on water

Flying

Touching the sun and moon

Chinese and Japanese descriptions of it also mention “teleportation” or “being anywhere at will”, though strangely English descriptions of it almost never have this part.

The principal uses this one, and Hatanaka thinks Tamao used it (spoiler: he was wrong).

2. 天耳通 Ten-ni-tsuu (Clairaudience)

Literally translated, it is “divine ear connection”. Fairly self explanatory. Also described as “god-like hearing”, it’s the ability to “hear gods or humans, near or far”.

Interestingly, Hatanaka uses “地獄耳 jigoku-mimi” to describe “having sharp ears”, which itself is a fun phrase. It means “hell’s ears”, referring to King Enma, who hears of everything you’ve done in life and judges you accordingly. Though, in everyday speech it just means “someone who hears all the gossip”, but rarely it also means “someone who remembers everything they’ve heard”.

3. 他心通 Ta-shin-tsuu (Telepathy)

Literally translated, it is “others’ hearts connection”. Also fairly straightforward. The concept of “reading minds” in English is “reading hearts” in Japanese and Chinese. There’s probably a separate essay here about the West’s scientific and medical advancements and how with it, the core of what defined a human was shifted from the heart to the brain, changing the sort of words people use with it. Oh hey wait there IS a video essay about this. (ah shit this is getting off topic)

Anyway. It’s also described as being able to “understand others’ minds/hearts as if they were your own”. I feel this is the one the karasu tengu troupe used in chapter 21/22 to conjure up the illusions of Miki, Sano and Haru’s fears. (But the “conjuring illusions” part could also be the first one.)

4. 宿命通 Shuku-myou-tsuu (Memory of abodes)

Literally translated, it is “abode lives connection”, which… means what exactly? So, “宿命 shuku-mei” together means “karma” or “fate”, and it’s described as the “knowledge of oneself and others’ past existence”, referring to memory of past lives, but also refers to knowledge of karma, cause and effect and the past in general.

(Honestly I don’t like my name for it, but every other name for it I’ve seen is too long and unrepresentative, I’ll probably come up with a new translation if it comes up again and there’s more info given about it. Also I almost went with “remembrance”, which tbh is a better sounding name but I would be exposing that I’ve been playing too much honkai star rail)

I think this is the one Tamao actually used, and I’ve seen some CN comments come to the same conclusion. By the way, remember Yoseito chapter 1?

Unbelievable! Everything really is “haha jk…unless” with this manga!

5. 天眼通 Ten-gen-tsuu (Clairvoyance)

Literally translated, it is “divine eye connection”. Also pretty self explanatory. It is described as seeing the karmic destinations of others, and knowing how they’ll be reborn. It’s also called “死生通”, or “knowledge of life and death”. Sort of a set with the previous one, knowing cause vs knowing effect.

This is the one Haruaki thinks Seimei has, and he’s probably right (somewhat). I’ll elaborate in a sec.

6. 漏尽通 Ro-jin-tsuu (Affliction riddance)

Literally translated, it is… honestly idk this name itself means nothing. But translations have put it as “extinction of mental intoxicants” or “knowing the end of suffering”. Tbh this is also one that I’m not super happy with and would retranslate if it comes up again. Hatanaka couldn’t be bothered to actually summarize it LMAO it’s probably because this is a very VERY Buddhist concept. It’s described as “knowing the four truths; suffering, the cause of suffering, the end of suffering, and the way to end suffering”.

The thing you have to know about Buddhism is it’s really obsessed with suffering, the idea of reincarnation and that it comes from worldly impurities (including suffering), and getting out of the cycle of reincarnation by getting rid of worldly impurities. Like, that’s the thesis statement of Buddhism. Reincarnation exists but the world sucks so you want to get out of it. (gets torn to shreds by my Buddhist relatives for badmouthing it) (so far from all my reading and personal experience with my Buddhist grandparents there is nothing forbidding you from tearing someone to shreds) Anyway. This has been my bitching about Buddhism tangent.

These last three are sometimes considered as a set, and collectively called the “three wisdoms/knowledges”

Hey did you fall asleep (throws chalk at you) wake up!

If you’ve been paying attention to both this essay and the manga itself, you may have noticed that Seimei has demonstrated almost all of these to some degree. Whether this is intentionally something the story is implying and wants the reader to figure out or if it’s pure coincidence, I’m not sure, but it’s something to think about. Also, the “seeing the future” one could totally be applied to Kurahashi. Eyebrow raise?

Also, here’s this ask I answered about the ramifications of Seimei having divine magic.

Intermission

This is something I’ve only come to realise with Yohaji, it’s really so fascinating to see the author in a work (in moderation of course). When viewing a piece of work, especially something framed as lighthearted like a manga, it’s so easy to forget the author behind it and treat the work as if it came into existence by itself. Perhaps because Yohaji contains so many references to real-life mythologies and stories, or perhaps because I’ve been poring over every detail, reading about every reference, reading sensei’s tweets and experiences, that what sorts of topics Tanaka Mai is interested in has become apparent and Yohaji is all the more fascinating for it.

Every one of her previous oneshot/short-serialization works before Yohaji has either made mention of Buddhist terms, or is entirely based on it.

Karma Karma, a 3-shot from 2014 (a year before the start of Yohaji), is about the Buddhist concept of hell and a king of hell who accidentally brought sinners from hell back to the living world.

Gokuraku Joudou no Hotoke-san, a oneshot from 2013, besides obviously referencing the Buddhist pure land in the title has wisdom king Acala and Yakushi Nyorai be its protagonists.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever get to read any of these, since they’re from 10 years ago and I’d have to contact a collector about it or something.

In any case, this is clearly something she’s interested in and knows a lot about, and it’s always so interesting to see. It’s always been present in Yohaji too, from the early drafts being more Buddhism-themed, to Sano’s magic circles featuring sanskrit and resembling a mandala in early chapters, to busting out a sutra excerpt in chapter 85.

Maybe it’s a fiction faux pas to pull back the curtain and look at the inner workings of a work like this, but I think I get to decide how I interact with a work.

Time Travel

YEAHHHH I CALLED IT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!! ITS SO OBVIOUS IT WOULD HAPPEN ITS BEEN SO OBVIOUS FOR A YEAR I SHOULDN’T HAVE LET PEOPLE TALK AUGUST 2022 ME INTO THINKING ITS STUPID!! ITS SO REAL!!! IM A GENIUSSS yeah anyway had to get that out of my system

First of all, we get a good look at the schoolhouse. This is probably the old schoolhouse, or at least in the location of the old schoolhouse. Architecturally it does look different from both times we’ve seen it, in volume 5 and Yoseito’s Izuna flashback arc. It’s entirely possible that the principal had it rebuilt and more floors added in the 100 years he was using it. By the way, based on the turtle map and being able to see the mountain behind the school, it’s likely that this is where it is.

The beam of light on the mountain opposite the school is almost certainly because the gang ended up at the location of the current schoolhouse, which is still just forest at that point. And there is not a single doubt in my mind that the teacher is Ranmaru.

Ok tbh I don’t have that much to say about the time travel half of the chapter mostly because it was just establishing the premise for what’s about to happen for the rest of the arc, so here’s some disjointed thoughts.

First off, even if it’s not obvious, Haruaki does indirectly cause this to happen. Besides nudging the world into the situation at the start of the chapter in a million cumulative little ways, he’s the one who brings up whether Tamao can use any other type of magic.

Also, this chapter made me realise something about Yoseito chapter 28. It makes sense that Yamazaki wouldn’t have recognized Hatanaka before that moment when he made the connection, because for all intents and purposes he knew Hatanaka as just this delinquent kid who even dyed his hair. Even the name “Hatanaka” doesn’t help, mind you, since he’s got dozens of siblings and extended family whose surnames are all “Hatanaka”. Unless they specifically told the Meiji trio the exact situation, and even then, this is probably just “that weird story from when we were in school” to Takahashi and Yamazaki. (a la teacher trio not making the connection that they met years ago until it was specifically pointed out) It was only at that moment that he started to resemble the version of him a year from then, when the time travel would happen.

Anyway, what in the world could possibly happen to Takahashi that he ends up like he does on the color page and looking so shaken in chapter 98… I sure hope the stuff on his face is actually just shading and not blood…. We do have precedent of that half of the face being covered in blood….

And one last thing that might be addressed, something in this arc will probably cause Ranmaru to quit being a teacher (based on makuragaeshi arc), though like the Takahashi thing, I couldn’t even begin to guess what. I can’t see the future, after all! (I feel like I've made this joke before)

The True Nature of Haruaki/Seimei’s Exorcism Power

(sounds like a clickbait title lol)

This is something I realised while answering this ask, but it’s a realisation that could have come way sooner because it doesn’t really hinge on info from chapter 102.

Here’s the parts to this theory: (anything that’s directly quoted has been double checked against the Japanese in case the nuance is slightly different)

Youkai magic is powered by spirit energy (no shit sherlock)

Clarification addendum: spirit energy is called “you-ryoku 妖力” and youkai magic is “you-jutsu 妖術”. both use the same “you” as in “youkai”, and the word on its own kinda means magic-y creature-y things (its usually used with another word to clarify what exactly is magic-y). Literally translated, “you-ryoku” is “youkai energy/power”, and “you-jutsu” is “youkai technique”. its very no shit sherlock.

This exorcism power exorcises spirit energy, and also works on gods to a lesser degree.

This implies the exorcism power has broader spanning effects than is stated, or “spirit energy” isn’t as specific of a concept as previously thought.

Spirit energy is basically interchangeable with “human life force” which is also interchangeable with “human souls”

In chapter 76, Takahashi reveals that if the mother is human, the spirit energy a half-youkai baby needs will be substituted by her life force. Also of note, he reveals that youkai can produce spirit energy and humans can’t.

When talking about youkai that eat spirit energy, “souls” are almost always brought up alongside it. Miki’s mom is said to eat both spirit energy and souls, the makuragaeshi eats both spirit energy and souls. The kasha did throw out the pure youkai Takahashi, Hatanaka and Marshmallow to leave only those with non-youkai blood or souls, but it also didn’t seem to be against attacking them.

In chapter 74, Takahashi says he sensed spirit energy in the hospital, but he examines the gashadokuro and finds it’s formed from human souls. Also in chapter 70, the ability to see spirit energy and souls is lumped together.

And now, one of the loose ends from Kyoto arc: Suzaku saying that “humans shouldn’t overuse powers like that” and was about to say something about life force.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? It sounds likely that “spirit energy” and “life force” are the same thing but in different forms, and assuming there’s not an entirely separate power system that has nothing to do with spirit energy, there’s a possibility that Haruaki/Seimei’s exorcism power runs off life force instead.

This has a few fucked up implications, namely there’s a possibility that Seimei was going to die anyway even without being (debatably) murdered, and also obviously Haruaki… um….

“Souls are equivalent to life force” and “exorcism power runs off life force” would also help explain why his intelligence soul piece could also use it: it just happened to be the biggest piece of his soul (also explaining why it’s physically bigger than the other 4), and it could be that all the pieces had the ability, just that the biggest piece had the “battery” to actually use it.

(I have Many Thoughts about the soul pieces btw, that may never get elaborated on in the story. No not just that white hair Haru is hot! I feel like there’s something more to it than just being 5 parts of his personality. Like, they say there’s a piece that’s the manifestation of his desires, but the athletic piece is into sailor uniforms too? That’s a conclusion the students came up with, after all, and it’s not like anyone present was an expert on this stuff, and anyone who might have known more aren’t saying anything (Ranmaru, Douman, SEIMEI???). Do you get this feeling? That there’s something purposely left unexplained there…)

He also calls out the similarity between his powers and the students’ powers often (off the top of my head, there’s at least a few times with Sano, also with Nyuudou, and now with Tamao). It’s probably his efforts to show he relates to them, but also… yknow…

Of course, there’s details that this theory doesn’t fully address. Both times Miki’s mom ate Haruaki’s soul, she immediately noted it tasted bad, so it’s probably not because of Seimei taking control and actively fighting his way out, rather something inherent about his soul that makes it different from regular human souls or even youkai souls.

This is all pretty fucked up and I don’t necessarily think Tanaka Mai would actually go this route….? I hope…..? But there’s nothing definitive right now that says it DOESN’T work like this, and there’s enough of these little details littered throughout the whole series that if it’s true, this would be the biggest long con sensei has pulled yet.

Haruaki’s exorcism power could also be one of those “lol he can just do this, don’t question it” things, but that’s also what I thought about Seimei’s ability to see the future, and GUESS WHAT.

Anyway that’s all, I think I haven’t forgotten anything I wanted to talk about (probably did though, this took an entire day and thats WITH having taken notes while I was translating), gonna spend a couple days combing through all the previous mentions of the time travel to see if the new concrete details about it would surface any new info.

[applejuiceyjuice-art]

PARASOCIALITE MANIFESTO

⚠️massive infodump ahead⚠️

i wrote all that forever ago when i was trying to figure out the dynamic (and after rewatching a stream of the beginner’s guide, feeling incredibly inspired to create a drawing of twitch as a parasocial figure and thought i needed someone on the “other end” so to speak). after writing vol 3, it just sorta fell into place. i was trying not to post too many drawings before it came out 🤭

my original idea was basically the clashing of “someone who doesn’t care about anything” and “someone who cares too much about everything,” which is still true but i really love the added parasocial aspect of it 😁😁😁 and i like opposites attract type of shit i guess

kik wouldn’t even think of twitch as anything more than a basic influencer type until after watching for a good while. at the start, xe was only curious, and still held disdain for twitch’s streaming personality. but xe likes it when twitch gets mad or is cheeky, so somehow xe found himself continuing to watch old streams and new ones.

there’s also a sense of relatability all streamers have, and so for someone like kik, who doesn’t find most people relatable (or tries), it felt even more intense. the fact that twitch is genderfluid, has overlap in their sense of humor, and those random moments where you and the streamer are just… thinking the same thing in the moment, feels like a red strings of fate to kik. donating to get twitch to read her message gives her a major shot of dopamine lol.

things that kik originally disliked in twitch are now reasons why she’s soooooo amazing: workaholic -> talented, trying too hard -> cute. she agonizes over being so attached to someone she once pinned as a normie and over the possibility that she’s being creepy. she gets so jealous over any guests twitch has on stream, and if/when they’re out in public wants her allll to herself.

deep down kik is a social person, and used to talk to people all the time, only thru the window while rarely meeting anyone “irl.” this is because kik makes quick surface level judgements about everyone, even moreso now that they just hate everyone and everything. since amino is the only other person kik cares abt now and they go periods of time isolating itself, welllllll ig kik gets a bit lonely.

from twitch’s perspective, she has been working hard and trying to fit in with the bigger sites as her platform basically became a major trend in recent years. she adores the sleekness and style of celebrity type sites (which is why she thinks yt and insta are attractive) and wants the attention too. just in her own, gamer way.

twitch gets easily swept up in the streamer/audience feedback loop, and doesn’t always set clear boundaries. she could tell right away that kik was a fan by the time they met again. it makes her uncomfortable and annoyed when people idolize her, but at the same time she kinda likes being showered with praise and attention and stuff like that. though she really hates it when kik makes assumptions about her based on their limited perspective, and whenever they say anything self deprecating, or is rude to her friends. so she also uses this as an opportunity to be mean to someone/boss someone around without repercussion.

i specified that this happened during their burnout era because it would be when they make the most irrational decisions and more prone to being mean. before then, they probably didn’t even remember kik’s existence or rejected him. it would take a while for twitch to actually see anything in kik, partially cuz he never talks about himself or his interests, and also cuz he’s just not their type (or so it seems??)

i think that twitch might like kik if she approached her normally, like being bold but not overly obsessive. but then it wouldn’t be very parasocial-ite would it? that would only happen at the very beginning since kik wouldn’t care as much, or the very end after they get past the parasocial aspect of it n are just talking normally.

after the dust is settled, their true dynamic is kik still being mushy/touchy-feely and twitch being awkward about it bc normally she’s kinda adverse to that stuff and would rather it be a joke. especially around other people. kik would bother the fuck out of him in public and likes embarrassing him. this also compounds with kik being the antithesis to the image twitch likes/wants to achieve. but also kik is their girlboytoy and does whatever twitch says 😝

of course at the end of the day they’re just dolls im playing with and i dont necessarily have to stick to any strict timeline or anything lol

dont get me started with the eddsworld polycule thing. theyd all kill each other

[yakuzacanons]

I don't know if you're into soulmate AUs but I'm a big sucker for them, they make my brain go brrr sooo, can I request some general headcanons of the boys with a soulmate? Like, how they find their soulmate, how they feel about sharing such a strong connection with someone etc? Can be any soulmate trope you thing suits them best, I ain't picky. (Like, name on wrist, first words they say to each other etc.) :3

Anon this is such a big brain idea, I also go brrrrrrrr. Also I wanna say some of the boys will have different tropes than others, a few might be similar but it's gonna be a mixed bag. I'm also operating under the assumption that everyone in this AU knows and/or is fine with the whole soultmate thing as I imagine it would be kind of ingrained in the culture if that makes sense. So this has more or less ended up as how they find their soulmate/how they react to finding them. I hope that works. Otherwise, headcanons below the cut as always. Had a lotta fun with this one!

Kazuma Kiryu: Matching Scars

Honestly, Kiryu probably has a multitude of scars from...all the stuff he's been through. However, there's one he has on his wrist that he's had basically his whole life. He doesn't really give it much thought until you point it out and say "Hey, that looks just like mine!" before you both realize what it means and the two of you look at each other say at the same time "...OH!" while pointing at each other, like the Spider-Man meme.

Majima Goro: Holding Hands

This is especially wacky because Majima knows how the soulmate thing works but does NOT know that it has to be bare skin to bare skin contact. Basically, his stupid ass is running around the entire time with gloves on, thus getting in the way of him actually finding his soulmate. He'll probably complain about it casually to you one day, to which you look at him rather dumbfounded and say "You know it only works if you take those gloves off, right?" to which he says "Ehh?! Whatcha talkin' about?!". He'll then immediately take off his gloves and hold his hand up to yours to test it out only to realize immediately that you are in fact right. He will then become extremely excited, probably babbling nonsense half of the time and hugging you gleefully.

Saejima Taiga: Name On Wrist

Probably the most neutral about the soulmate thing out of all the boys, not because he doesn't believe in it but because he's never really had time for romance. He's more on the shy side so he won't go pestering everyone he meets that potentially matches the name. You'll probably mention it FIRST and casually mention his name by saying "Mine says 'Saejima Taiga'... never met anyone with a name like that though." to which he will just stare blankly at you, mouth open in shock. Eventually, he'll muster up the courage to respond with "Well, ya won't believe what my name is." while chuckling.

Akiyama Shun: Red String Of Fate

Total romantic sap and loves the whole soulmate thing. Spends a bit more time than he'd admit pining about who his soulmate might be. In his AU, soulmates are found by the red string of fate, a popular tale about being connected to your soulmate by an invisible red string. However, in this AU, your soulmate can actually see your red string if you get into close proximity with them. Akiyama isn't shy so the second he sees the string pop up and can see it's connected to you, he'll run up to you and introduce himself. Think very "Call Me Maybe" type of meet-cute.

Tanimura Masayoshi: Hot And Cold

Similar to the red string of fate, except that this time it is measured by tempurature. Tanimura can tell how far or close he is to you based on how hot or cold he feels, cold being far away and hot being nearby. It's a struggle for him since whenever he does feel warm, he can't always pursue the lead due to being busy with his job. Most likely, he'll accidentally bump into you in the street and suddenly feel incredibly warm and cozy, to which he'll quickly turn around to speak to you, saying something like "Did you feel that just now?".

Ryuji Goda: Revealed In Dreams

Honestly doesn't give a hoot about the soulmate thing. To him, romance will happen whenever it happens. A lot of other people his age when hew as younger started having dreams that revealed hints about their soulmate but Ryuji is a late bloomer, so the whole soulmate thing got pushed further and further into the back of his mind. He'll wake up in a cold sweat one night after finally having the dream, the details of your face burned into his mind. Unlike some of the other boys, he likely already knows you, probably as a childhood friend, and he'll definitely have a moment of "The whole time... they was right in fronta me?!".

Nishikiyama Akira: Matching Birthmarks

Similar to Kiryu's concept, except this appears more like a mole than a scar. They are rather small so it's not something you'd notice as obviously as the scar concept for Kiryu. They also have to line up completely perfectly so Nishiki is prone to meeting people that he thinks might be his soulmate and get excited only to realize they're not. When he does meet his soulmate, his mark will disappear and he'll get rather frantic wondering who out of all the people he met recently was in fact the one that caused this. At some point, he'll mention it by saying "The weirdest thing happened the other night, my mark just disappeared on its own." and you'll respond with "Hey, mine too, that's weird." before the truth finally hits you both. Truthfully, he and Kiryu are both a little dense like that sometimes. Nishiki will be so happy to know you, he might cry a little out of happiness.

Daigo Dojima: First Words

Unlike the other concepts, in this AU people won't know ahead of time what will confirm who their soulmate is. It's something that happens in the moment, a sudden realization. That honestly makes Daigo kind of nervous, since his life has to be carefully calculated given his line of work. The words itself don't have to have particular meaning either, which only makes it more complicated. The second you speak to him for the first time, he feels chills down his spine. He'll ask you to repeat yourself, eyes wide with nervousness, the both of you completely shocked that by some chance, some divine intervention, the two of you ended up in the same room.

Mine Yoshitaka: Dreams Of A Past Life

Believes in making his own destiny which only makes meeting his soulmate feel more impactful, somehow. Mine is so used to going against the tide that meeting you just kind of brings him to his knees. He'll see flashes of the two of you in your past life in his dreams but he won't go out of his way to really dedicate much of it to memory. The first time he meets you, he'll think you look familiar but can't really pinpoint why and he'll dismiss it. The more the feeling nags at him, the more he starts to think maybe there's something more to this. It's only when he asks if you recognize him too that it finally clicks and he understands this is where he's meant to be.

[someoneyoullprobablynevermeet]

This is the first time I’m posting and well my mind has conjured and idea from collectively playing lobotomy corp and random ideas but I made this thing which I was going to ask someone to do something with it but decided to post it here so um enjoy and also if you want to use this character you can

A male clerk (his name is Dave and he is 5’6)who has their own ego weapon: loss of connection(black and pale) suit: dance of blissful regret(endure all) and gift: egress (50% chance to heal 20% of total hp and sp when taking any type of damage) who is everyone’s friend and the best clerk of the month on all accounts (and can produce the best results with seemingly any work type[abnos favorite clerk:) ]

There is a drawback to this and that being when an ALEPH escapes or multiple escape (the likes of white night, apocalypse bird, or [CENSORED]) he is likely to become and abno himself temporary or manifest a controlled slightly weaker version of it (note the controlled version of the abno is vaguely different to the full thing)

DESIGNATION T-10-99 ALEPH: The Passionless Dance (immune: red and black endure: white resist: pale) it will go on a rampage and kill everything (the abno that escaped in question will be hunted down and beat the fuck up) that gets in they’re way of the target

(inflicts hopeless on all clerks without at lest one EX stat and all abnos under ALEPH) (ALEPH abnos all take 25% more damage then usually)

(it deals red and black damage and ignores defense if the clerk or abno is resistant to said damage type if it is endured then defense will still count

(any clerks killed of level V become a T-10-99a backup dancer [the weapon that clerk had will be equipped on the dancer but loses any special abilitys the weapon has same for the suit and whatever gifts the clerk had will also be equipped as well and their strengths and weaknesses will be the same as said clerk])

(Any clerk of level IV or lower becomes a T-10-99b marionette on strings[inflicts random type of damage depending on the clerks most dominant traits)

After he has ether represses the abno or gets repressed (in the case the abno takes over as the dominant part) he will return back to normal afterwords but there is a very significant risk in using this power as the passionless dance Is a part of hismind and psyche it also has a will and mind of its own and its own desires such as becoming one with Dave (kind of like what magia record did with the doppel system in the fact that overusing your doppel can have serious repercussions and side effects) which is why he tends to try not to rely on it too much or he will suffer a fate worse then death

A brief description of the Passionless dance makes you think of someone taking a ballet class as the ego suit looks like a ballet outfit the tutu having a wider berth and multiple layers the abno itself is a tall humanoid being that looks like what it would look like if you could stretch someone like taffy without killing them at approximately 6’9 ft in hight with skin the color of plaster and snow and a smile so wide it looks like it could split down the middle.

it wields a boxcutter that if it wants to can extend indefinitely and be used as a whip that cuts all living things (be it flesh or metal) like it isn’t there and can decimate entire branches in minutes if bothered and can also move frightening fast if aggravated and doge at speed something that big sould not be able to pull off.

It can and will do things that will upset you mentally like turn its head all the way back with the sound of cracking bones and it can and will mutilate itself to get to the target and will stop at nothing to repress it

When it merges is when things get messy because the whole branch turns into a landscape Made of the stuff of nightmares with blood and gore everywhere and a stage in the lobby where the backup dancers dance while snow falls gently with trees made of blades rise and grow , they attack without mercy and the passionless dancer roams the halls where no one is safe while the marionettes wait for something to pass by to strike

it has become even bigger at 7’8 the body has become more feminine in appearance and the limbs thinner proportionate to its hight, a pink🎀 on its chest and the tutu bellowing out now at the hight of its power it can and will cause mass destruction and bloodshed but will remain in the branch it’s in and will only roam there

now anywhere in that branch is now within its range as it now has a means of long range attack by using the roots of the trees it can impale and cut away at people from anywhere and also control the dancers and marionettes like its own army of clerks and even make them do work with abnos and it is now immune to all damage except pale but even that is less effective now but the only hope to defeat it is to use one sins against it and doing so will remove half its health (it has 100 more hp then apocalypse bird)

after it’s defeat it will revert back to being Dave but he will be physically altered afterwards and he will permanently be taller then Kobe Bryant, and LeBron James at 7’2 ft and his skin will be whiter then a cracker and will most definitely gain severe ptsd and bipolar 1 (swiching between calm and kind Dave and cruel pessimistic logical[the passionless dance] at random)

but it is not without positives such as white and red damage immunity and being able to duel weld his innate ego weapon and another of his choosing and a buff to all damage done if the enemy doesn’t endure it while also making them take 100% of the damage aka if it’s not endured then it isn’t defended at all and they take max damage

Now that I realize how long this is I feel bad that I even considered sending this in an ask

Also here would be the quote that goes with it

“And so they danced not with passion or joy but instead out of pain and suffering not of themselves but others and with it came the encore of destruction and the displeasure they had been asked for to which they shall deliver just as promised”

[disco-self-ships]

I'm so curious about Tuco's hacker lapdog plsss tell me about him 🤲

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL REVEAL MY HALF-BAKED BACKSTORY (<- guy who writes smut and poetry, not plot.)

This ended up... so long somehow. I was worried that I wouldn't have much to say, but it just started pouring out of me as soon as I started typing (much of it made up on the spot 👍🏻)

Tw for violence, abuse, dubcon, and drugs (obviously lol.) I can have a dark self ship. As a treat.

I'm tentatively trying out giving my S/I a name that isn't my irl one. For whatever reason I just cannot use a name that doesn't have some connection to my irl one, so it had to start with a T at least, and hopefully this isn't weird but I wanted it to have a similar meaning to Rivera (ignore me feeding our red string of fate into our self ship canon) so I ended up on Trent!

I haven't really landed on a surname for him but I'll probably just go with something common and simple. I like how Trent Adams sounds.

Trent was born in WA in 1980, making him 22 at the beginning of B/CS and 28 at the beginning of B/rBa, although he didn't start working for Tuco until 2003 when he was 23.

Growing up, he was fascinated by media depictions of hacking, and when he was a teenager an older friend-of-a-friend (Doug) took him under his wing and taught him coding/hacking.

As an adult, Trent had trouble keeping a job and as a result borrowed quite a bit of money from Doug over the years. His debt piled up but Doug accepted small payments and Trent working odd jobs for him. Doug moved to NM in 2002 for a mysterious "job opportunity" that he wouldn't tell Trent about.

In early 2003, Doug called Trent and begged him to let him bring him to ABQ and do some work for his boss. As it turned out, Doug had been dealing for Tuco Salamanca while he'd been living in NM and he fucked up bad by getting mugged while carrying a huge amount of cash. He didn't have any way to pay Tuco back quickly enough, so in a fit of desperation he offered up Trent's services, as Trent still owed him a lot of money, so both of their debts could be squared off at once.

Tuco initially had no interest in some random guy who had no experience in the business, but Doug talked up the usefulness of having someone with hacking experience. Now, we know that Tuco can be swayed it you know how to talk to him, so he got into the idea of having his own personal hacker (not that he knew what that really means or entails as he's pretty much computer illiterate, but he likes stuff that sounds cool) and accepted Doug's offer of having Trent come work for him for free.

Doug drove all the way to WA to pick Trent up and gave him the rundown (much to his horror) during the drive back to ABQ about who Tuco is and what kind of business he deals in. He advised Trent to keep his mouth shut as much as possible and stay out of the way when Tuco's temper flared up. Naturally, Trent wanted to back out of the whole thing, but he didn't want his friend (who had helped him so much over the years) to get hurt, or potentially killed, plus the idea of squaring his debt was appealing, so he went along with it.

When Tuco and Trent met for the first time, Tuco literally laughed in his face and made fun of his stature and appearance. He obviously didn't take Trent seriously at all. Trent was offended, but too intimidated to say anything (<- which of course is a good thing as there's a good chance that Tuco would have just killed him.)

Doug put Trent up in a motel (as this whole thing was supposed to be a temporary arrangement), but Trent ended up at Tuco's place pretty much every day, as he needed a computer to work on, which Tuco provided. This had the added benefit (for Tuco at least) of letting him keep on eye on Trent.

Tuco started making passes as Trent pretty quickly, but Trent isn't great at reading social cues (he also assumed that Tuco was straight) so he kept brushing it off (but not actually turning Tuco down as he didn't realize there was an offer in the first place.) This pissed Tuco off as he felt as if he was being teased or possibly made fun of and in true Tuco fashion he flipped out. After shoving Trent into a wall, putting his knife to his throat, and accusing him of fucking with him, Tuco realized that Trent was genuinely unaware of how he'd been coming across. He found it pretty funny, and made his advances much more obvious and aggressive after that.

The beginning of their sexual relationship's consensuality was... questionable at best. Trent of course was terrified of Tuco, was his direct subordinate, and had gotten a sense of "no one says no to a Salamanca." He did find Tuco physically attractive from the first day they met, but he never had any intention of pursuing anything past a professional relationship (and he didn't even really choose that.)

Nacho got a sense of what was going on between Tuco and Trent pretty much immediately and took pity on Trent. He told him that it was for the best, as the more Tuco liked him the safer he'd be from his random violent outbursts, and the more protection he'd have from outside parties (this might seem like a cold way to comfort someone, but this was before they became friends, when Nacho viewed Trent as just another person he had to corral to keep business running smooth.)

Tuco saw Trent's presence and work very much as just a novelty for the first couple of months. Only after Trent crashed the fledgling computer network of a major competitor did Tuco realize that Trent could actually be useful to his business. This made him like Trent on a more serious level and start to want to get to know him for real. This and another incident where Tuco almost killed him (beat and strangled him while high, Tuco felt guilty about it when he sobered up) made him realize that he was actually becoming genuinely fond of him and he ended up going to Nacho for advice on how to make Trent less scared of him.

Somewhere around that time, (do I have an actual timeline worked out to make this story more clear? Hell no!) Tuco moved Trent into his house (under the guise of "keeping an eye on him", when in actuality he was beginning to feel deeply possessive over him, and let's be real, he wanted easy sexual access.)

Their relationship is (and was to an even higher extent during the beginning) closer to owner-and-pet than an equal romantic partnership. Tuco views Trent as more of a thing that he owns than a person who works for him. Tuco was, and is, extremely possessive and jealous over Trent. He's frustrated by his inability to publicly "claim" Trent due to being unable to be openly bi and struggles with letting Trent be alone with other men (Nacho and his cousins are the exception to this.)

Over time their relationship became sort of an open secret as Tuco insists on keeping Trent close even when there's no business-related reason for it, dressing Trent up how he likes (very expensive and gaudy, the complete opposite of how Trent naturally dresses), and becoming enraged any time someone insults or snubs Trent in any way. The people around them started catching on pretty quickly, but generally know better than to bring it up.

Tuco was/is very afraid of Trent betraying him (whether it be cheating on him or something to do with business) and once Lalo entered the picture, he asked him to keep an eye on Trent and report back anything suspicious.

Tuco made it crystal clear from the beginning that he would kill Trent if he tried to run or betray him, so Trent really has no intention of doing so. That doesn't stop Tuco from making him swear that he'll never betray him and that he belongs totally to him pretty much every day. No one has ever claimed that Tuco isn't exhausted to deal with, least of all Trent :^P

Alright, this is way too long. I could talk about Trent and Tuco's fucked up relationship for a year straight if you let me :^P And that's not even getting into his relatively normal friendships with Nacho, Domingo, and Rivera, and his mutually suspicious, tentative friendship/cousin-in-law-ish-thing with Lalo and the twins.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Nymphaeaceae

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/FsOZDTh by Luvrabbit She was always plagued with foresight, of knowing the unknown. Yet in this world, there are no strings. Fate will regret ever tainting her with its future. Or, Gotham finds out the hard way to not take away her freedom. Or, Mc wakes up in DC. Words: 2177, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, DCU Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: Gen Characters: Original Character(s) - Character, Original Female Character(s), Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Joker (DCU), Damian Wayne, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, James Gorden, Barbara gorden - Character, Cassandra Cain Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Original Female Character(s), Bruce Wayne & Original Female Character(s), Tim Drake & Original Female Character(s), Jason Todd & Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character & Everyone Additional Tags: Bruce Wayne is Batman, Damian Wayne is Robin, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Tim Drake is Red Robin, mc is morally gray, mc may be bi-polar, or just emotional, and depressed, immortality but in a can't die way, Ra's got nothing on this bitch, Trauma, mc hates joker, as does everybody else, unless your name is harley, authors knowledge of canon is fucked, canon took paternity leave for this, Maybe - Freeform, we'll see, SI/Self-insert ish?, but not really, Death, reincarnation kinda?, Seer Character - Freeform, impulsive mc, Did i add murder?, Murder, Gotham stuff, Alfred Pennyworth is a fucking angel, Gore, Some Fluff, no beta we die like jason, OnlyInGotham read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/FsOZDTh

[psychelis-new]

Hii how are you?? I would really need your guidance in a situation happening to me the past year and a half. I'm new to spirituality so I don't know how to properly navigate signs etc

So the situation goes like this. I have a crush on a guy from university since last year. He is really closed off and shy, so naturally I tried to get close to him. I talked to him a couple of times sporadically but it never went anywhere.

The thing is that any time I'm trying to let go, something happens that pulls me back in, like I will have a dream about him and it's mostly about us walking holding hands. I've been seeing 1111 everywhere, his name is mentioned from people in my circle. Yesterday a random man on the street mentioned someone with the same last name as this guy.

I don't know if it's in my head but there is stagnancy to the connection and I need clarity. It feels like I can't move on, like there is a string holding me here but irl I don't see any movement on his behalf. And it's all very confusing to me. Whan do you think ???

Hey, I'm kinda good thanks for asking, hope you are too!

Okay to be entirely honest it doesn't have to be just spiritual stuff here. It could be something psychological too. Don't get me wrong, if you "feel" there's some spiritual connection or a red-string of fate going on and maybe you have found out about it also in readings and pacs, it could be that. Or a mix of the two. I'm not doing readings now, but since it's someone you interacted with, you can come back when I open them and ask again if you want.

Now, leaving the spiritual part on the side for a moment: the fact is that oftentimes we feel attraction towards people that are closed off or hard to reach cause we fear connections or getting too deep or vulnerable with someone. It feels "less risky" especially when it comes to past abandonment experiences we had or a certain type of environment we grew up in. It could also speak about some codependency traits or gaslighting. Idk if any of this may resonate with you or if you even grew up in a family in which even unconsciouly such relationships/situations were going on (this could make them comfortable/known/what you are used to/what you learned you need/deserve, and so you may unconsciously search for similar emotions/situations/plays also in other relationships), but it's an option to consider. Our minds are weirdos, but they do crazy stuff just to keep us safe and in a known zone, even if that known zone is toxic/risky (again not saying it's necessarily your case! I'm just trying to give you/others reading a wider point of view on what I learned may happen inside of us when it comes to love, and how we may unconsciously keep ourselves stuck in the same cycle).

The signs you mentioned are not necessarily (notice I'm not saying "not at all") connected to a spiritual relationship between you two: you may simply notice them more cause this guy runs free in the back of your mind, so you immediately think about him when you hear his name or anything that may be related to him. And this plays with you even more if you're trying to avoid realizing your true intentions/feelings for him but are simply trying to push them away and move away from him and/or the connection. Psychologically speaking, it's like if I told you to not think about the blue elephant. Now all you could see in your mind is a blue elephant and if you saw something blue (even a car passing by), you'd just think about the blue elephant again. The dreams about holding hands could really speak to you about your feelings for him (maybe you feel love for him, maybe you would like a closer/more intimate connection, maybe you'd like them to help you somehow as you may feel subconsciously that they could heal you in some way -maybe your heart just need lots of love, darling. And I do hope you can get it asap, be it from him or anyone else). I'm not interpreting for real here, btw. Just mentioning a few possible meanings. Angel number 1111 doesn't have to always relate to romantic love, it could just signal you're on the right track and that there's a new start on the horizon (which could relate even to you *starting* healing something), or that your angels are near (try to notice what are you thinking about when you see that number too or make an explicit request: eg. "my dear Guide can I see a 1111 -or any other number/word *decide which one so they know*- if me and this guy have a spiritual connection?").

Him not making a move in the connection may be for different reason, but remind yourself you cannot control that. You cannot control him and his reactions or timing, you can only control yourself and your feelings (and you're responsible solely for them, not for what he thinks of you or how he acts with you: please do not make it mean anything about you). And you feeling stagnation and needing to "force" things (it's ofc understandable cause the confusion this brings it's hard to afford) may also point out to you needing something out of this connection that could be subconsciously useful to you (eg. healing, receiving love, feeling worthy of love too and such); again it's very normal and understandable but... at times things (be this something spiritual or not or both) cannot go as we'd like them to, when we'd like them to: not everything happens when we want it to happen: we need to be (both the people, as we're talking about a connection here) ready for it, whether the thing/relationship/situation holds a lesson or it's a reward for us. I think now you're just called to realize your feelings for him, to understand how/why your heart needs love and give it to yourself too. And be patient: if something needs to happen among you two, it will at the right time. Go with the flow: stressing over him and his reason and your connection will just really bring in more useless confusion. Our minds tend to also come in between and create some negative mental pattern or use old triggers to play with us, even when you have spiritual connections (trust me on this) and create delays and blockages. Try to stay as calm as you can, focus on you and anything else. Things will move forward naturally and again if there's a connection you're not going to lose it if you stop thinking about it for a while: you'll just help it develop freely. So yes, understand your feelings and your needs, make your wish about this guy (if this is what you want and is good for you -please do navigate your feelings, and remember you don't have to do it alone if it's too tough), journal about it, take care of/be kind with you and then be patient and trust that you'll receive.

All the best, lovely<3 I'm here if you need.

[judasisgayriot]

ALW has for real been coasting on the goodwill of this show for so long bc nothing he’s ever done since has been this good. He was so young but this is his absolute masterpiece I’ve always said this. Fk him as a person but this show is insanely good musically and thematically

This staging was so interesting! They did a lot of rly cool stuff with it. There was this recurring motif/symbolic staging choice with the literal microphones, like who’s holding the microphone and gets to express their own voice versus giving it up or having it taken away - Judas literally snatching the mic away possessively from Mary after I don’t know how to love him, Jesus wresting the mic towards God/the sky at the end of Gethsemane, having the microphone deliberately taken off him when he’s arrested, Judas’ death being centred on a microphone attached to a long tangled red cord that he can’t let go of (also hello red string of fate!) - it was really intentional and noticeable and cool.

When Judas takes the silver it’s represented by him getting silver liquid all over his hands that’s very ‘blood on his hands’ and after his death he has silver dripping around his neck - I thought this was SO cool visually and metaphorically, a really good image, like he remains visibly stained by his actions for the remainder of the show. I also loved how at the very end when Judas and Jesus are both dead, they come to the centre of the stage just the two of them alone, equals, and look at each other/display companionship and fondness for a moment. Like they’re in the same place/they’re equals/victims of the same grand plan as per the themes of the show/Judas isn’t so ‘damned for all time’ after all. That got meeeee I have to say 😭 (Jesus also mirroring the silver ‘blood’ on Judas by being covered in the silver glitter they threw on him during the 39 Lashes)

And Judas’ reprise of I don’t know how to love him always hits… sad gay tragic boy ily

Misc: costumes and staging was not so much ancient or modern, Jesus’ followers were like. Weird cult of the grey sweatpants lol. They did actually genuinely look like cult members in a way which was interesting.

Pilate was hot lol, and looked like a grizzled rock star type. Herod slayed (lol) and was completely unhinged and the Pharisees were like.., a weird bdsm boy band but they carried it lol. Oh! And the last supper was staged like a tableau of the famous painting which was cool.

Literally JCS is so good it’s such a fucking good show. Every single song slaps so hard it has no right to along with the story that has Judas as the protagonist and questions everything about the idea of Jesus as a figure. It’s crazyyyyyyy

Anyway that’s a bunch of paragraphs of me rambling about my favourite musical ✌️

Jesus Christ Superstar tonight! Cannot wait to see my boi Judas ‘is gay’ Iscariot 🤘

[white-poppie]

Pure Imagination

Request: Hello!! Can I request a soulmate AU with Killua, Kurapika, Feitan and Chrollo where they finally meet their soulmate?

Poppie note: Happy Yorknew Day! The smile on my face whenever someone requests something for Kurapika 🤎. Soulmate AUs are one of my favourite things to write, too much fluff, but you know what I love even more? The bittersweet feeling :))

Pairing: Killua, Feitan, Chrollo, Kurapika with Gn! reader

Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐚

AU: you share scars/whatever you draw on your body with your soulmate.

This wasn't the first time Killua was meeting you.

The first time he crossed paths with you was 6 years ago; when he was 8. He felt as if time had stopped for him. There was this dull ache in his chest, pounding against his vessels, coiling in the maze of his stomach, only to be taut again when he realised that his family would kill you.

The tiny scar on his palm, a tiny and irregular shape, indeed no one else could have it. He was on an assassination mission with Illumi, hiding in a shop; he rushed out when he saw the target, only to bump into you.

He apologized and helped you up, gasping at the sight of the scar, and before you could question him about his reaction, he was gone.

After a few hours, for the first time your soulmate sent a marking on your arm, "I saw you today, wait for me. I will come back for you.--Killua Zoldyck."

It didn't take you long to figure out, your soulmate was no one other than the Albino boy. Since then he slowly sent you small messages, until today. Today, you received an address.

"Hi," he breathed shakily, feeling that giddiness and longing all over again, his hair was more settled down and his height had increased a little, "...hi soulmate...I mean Y/N."

You gulped and bit your lip to stop yourself from crying out, "Hey Killua."

Finding the most courage he could muster, he shakily took your hand in his. He was here to stay, he wouldn't leave, never again.

𝐅𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧

AU: The first words that your soulmate says to you are on your wrist.

Your friend was an asshole.

He took money from some infamous troupe and now you were being questioned by a tall blonde woman and a guy who looked like a samurai in a dark dungeon, tied up to a pole.

"I told you, I really don't know where he is or where he kept the money, I didn't even know he was involved in this stuff!" you cried out frustratedly.

The blonde woman sighed and called for one of her subordinates, "Feitan!"

"Take it from here," she clicked the heel of her stilettoes.

The raven-haired man breathed in annoyance and sat in front of you. His dragon-monolid eyes, scratched the very core of your being, tantalizingly.

"So, what do we have here?" he said to you and a strangled gasp of pain left your throat--the pain on your wrist, it was burning.

His eyebrows scrunched into a thin line, "what the hell are you doing?"

"My wrist...it hurts so bad!" you cried out and Feitan's eyes widened in surprise, those words were too familiar for his liking. He looked down to his wrist, to see the marks fading away with a slight sting.

It didn't hurt as much as you were whining, you had to be one of the sensitive types then, his favourite~.

"To think I would meet you here, out of all places," he said breathlessly, but there was a mischievous glint in his eyes that scared you, "hey there soulmate, you and I are going to have a fun time~"

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨

AU: Red string of Fate

Chrollo looked at his Rado wristwatch for the nth time today. He wasn't used to it, the calmness. The non-rushed routine of work. All the members of the tropes were gone for a mission and he was free for the day, so he decided to go for a walk along the coast.

Chrollo, although hated to admit it, was still waiting for his soulmate. He was past the age, true, but a man can dream, right?

The small red string on his pinky was always so loose. Indicating that you were far away.

For the last few weeks, it itched due to the incredible tautness, his palms fell clammy with each shortened length of the string. He could simply wait for you to come...maybe you might, maybe you won't.

But my oh my! You were killing him with the wait!

Chrollo ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath and before he could think...he was running in the direction of the string.

He ran and ran, a faint drizzle came that soaked his clothes wet and stuck his raven hair to his forehead.

He had been a coward for far too long now, he wasn't going to stop anymore.

He came to stop when he saw the string end, looking up he saw you crouched to a small box on the corner of the road.

You felt a tug on your side of the string and looked at the man.

"What took you so long?" he asked breathlessly due to all the running.

"Cat," you picked up the feline from the box and showed it to him.

"Huh?" Oh man, his poor heart, you were too cute!

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐤𝐚

AU: you can see your soulmate's emotions through a ring on your finger. The colour changes to pink when you meet your soulmate

Blue. Your soulmate ring almost never changed its colour. When it did, it was for the worse only. For as long as you can remember, your ring had always been Blue, Dark Blue or Red.

Melancholy, Depression or Rage. You have never seen any positive colour on your soulmate ring. Your heart ached for him, for a person you had never met.

The ring was getting warm. He was close, your soulmate was close, but he could be anywhere! Your eyes searched frantically for him, this was your last chance to meet him.

Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned to hours. You sighed and sat exhausted on a bench, holding your head in your arms, you twiddled with the ring.

A blond boy was sitting next to you. On one hand, he had multiple silver rings while on another he had one singular--the colour of his ring hadn't changed too: orange, frustration.

You looked back at your ring. It was dark blue in colour. Your throat felt dry like a desert when you looked at it...you were looking forward to it.

Your dry throat soon let out a gasp when you saw the blue morph into pink. Your expression was returned by the blond boy next to you. His ring turning pink too.

Your lips trembled when you looked at him. Shocked by how such a frail body could be the temple of such heart-wrenching emotions.

His eyes were glossy as he looked at you, voice-cracking as he spoke, "Hi I am Kurapika -hmph!"

And before he could've completed his sentence, you embraced him in the tightest hug possible.

His heart was palpitating out of his chest and it took him a while to relax into the hug. That's right, you were his soulmate after all.

You were going to be there for him, making sure that he never felt those wretched emotions again.

A/N: mann I am so in love with Kurapika :,)

Tags: @akumicchi @jazzylove @futuristicallykawaiiturtle @kristaline2dmensimp @rintaroubby @nanaseishiro

Hunter x Hunter (ハンタ x ハンタ)

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