#i like the idea of the community catholics speak of. but i know i would not be accepted in those communities

[foolbo]

i love you italian characters who struggle with their relationship with catholicism (or lack of relationship)

[wszczebrzyszynie]

sorry for the train ride… I hope the destination is at least interesting. I would LOVE to hear more about Przemek… he’s one of my absolute faves and I would honestly love to hear anything about him… maybe what inspired you to make him? or how he feels about his sexuality? or maybe his ethnicity (which I remember you saying you didn’t really have an answer for, but maybe you could talk about possible ideas you’ve had for it or how it affects his personality/how people treat him)

Nothing to be sorry for. i love trains. But it is a long trip with nothing but my phone and one book. Well not anymore im in Gdańsk now

Any way this is fun Przemek is one of my favourites as well. I created him because i wanted Ryba to have more friends, so he was very much a side/background character that i learned to love very much very quickly. Im not even sure why. Design wise there were plenty of inspirations... mainly the unbread twins from omori (which i think is where Lena came from as well and it shows), Artur from parties are for losers and Norton IDV (hence the scar... in the first draft Przemek was also a miner so it was very much my Norton at home). He used to be the straight man to Rybas whole... being at that time. They used to be childhood friends but Przemek was the smarter and more of a loner of the two. Tried looking for some old art of him but couldnt find much

Sexuality wise hes mostly in denial. He doesnt like thinking of himself as queer and doesnt want to be considered a part of the community, which affects the way he treats others (initial embarrasement to be seen with Ryba or Mikita, who are either visibly queer or just simply stand out; he grows out of it as the story progresses) and later on shapes his relationship with Ryba (mostly his struggles with being vunreable and opening up mixed with a very crushing need to be normal; he tends to force himself to do things he doesnt really want but thinks will be either for the ultimate greater good or just to be able to lie to himself more, either harming himself or Ryba in the process. Communication is a skill they both are learning as they go but it is a hard one)

And exact ethnicity wise I Dont Know. Well i mean he is polish ethnically and culturally but he does have darker skin from back where the story was set in a fictional dystopian world and i never figured out how to make it work with the background he has in current more historically grounded DNS. Most probably will never know until it just dawns on me one day. In the original DNS story hes simply "from here" (as is the case with most of the characters) and it doesnt really shape his experience as much as his class and upbringing does; hes catholic, he speaks polish, his family are peasants and hes a working man. In modern au its a different case that i dont know how to resolve and he does have a different experience with it; i dont like being cruel to my characters, especially with things i dont have personal experiences with, but i do know my country pretty well, so i can imagine some of the hardships he has to go through. It definitely can be a stress factor; hes a shy, slightly anxious person (which he doesnt even realize that he is? Second nature), so "standing out" and possible conftontations that can come with looking different in a relatively middle sized nowhere town is something he had to learn how to ignore throughout his life. I will finish this by saying i think it would be funny if it turned out some of his ancestors are from the old yugoslavia but not to explain anything just because i think at some point he used to be half balkan (and also many other slavic identites) . No clue from where exactly and it wouldnt affect him at all. Normal thing in lower silesia but he is from the other side of the country. Sadly. Bit of a lacking response hope you can forgive me for that

[deafsignifcantother]

if music be the food of love chapter four

♥ here you go lovies, it’s series time | chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter five ♥ relationships: aroace Alastor x deaf female reader (queerplatonic to romance) ♥ word count: n/a ♥ pinterest board ♥ notes: i'm catholic and it tends to come through in my writing so uhh there's a scene where reader quotes a verse with the catholic bible version (ignore the fucking obvious era inconsistency idc) and alastor finishes the quote with kjv and i think i'm so sexy for that srry. ♥ no tag list rn :3

Your day with Alastor couldn't have been more distinct, and that's due to three specific reasons.

First, he took his time to wake you up. He stood in the doorway of your room, a smirk playing on his lips as he took in the sight before him. Your usually elegant form was a sprawl of limbs and frizzy hair, the covers knotted around you in a way that suggested you had often shifted your legs while sleeping. He strode into the room, the heels of his boots clicking on the polished floorboards. There was a hint of voice in the tune of your music. He stepped closer, bending at the waist to put his ear closer. It flickered at the almost familiar sound of somebody speaking, a voice strangely soft and feminine; with a few seconds of concentration, he determined it could have been yours even though he'd only heard your voice a handful of times past your laughing. But the voice does not match your reputation's ambiance.

"Rise and shine, my dear," Alastor whispered under his breath. He puts his hands over his microphone, lifting and tapping it against the bottom wood of your bed. You stirred, rolling over with a grunt, knowing within the second that it was him.

With a chuckle and a shake of the head he admired that for a demon of your stature, you were surprisingly vulnerable when asleep. He reached out to gently shake your shoulder. "Up, up, my little overlord," he coaxed into your deaf ears, his voice taking on a teasing lilt.

You put your hand on his fingers and turn to him, eyes unfocused at first. The sleepiness on your face... well, it was a memory he would forever cherish. But as you took in his grinning face, a scowl twisted your features. Buzz off, waved him away.

"Good morning!" Alastor signed, his smile undeterred. He held up a small, leather-bound book before tossing it in front of him on the bed. "I've taken the liberty of scheduling out your day. Thought it best to get a head start."

You groaned again, hands still lazy. "A schedule? I haven't kept to one of those in centuries."

"Precisely," Alastor signed, his red eyes glinting. "You've been holed up in that dank, depressing castle of yours for far too long. It's time you rejoined the land of the living, my dear."

You definitely didn't live in a castle, but the idea made you smile. You sat up, running a hand up your tense cheeks. Alastor could see the faintest glimmer of determination in your eyes, and he squinted, knowing he could massage your jaw much better than you could. "Very well," you gestured. "But if this schedule of yours includes a single 'self-improvement' seminar, don't think I'm afraid to turn my back on the princess."

Alastor laughed, clapping his hands together. "I promise you, there is nothing quite so... tedious. Now, shall we get started? We've a busy day of... communing ahead of us."

Second, he cleared his own schedule; you were unsure whether this was common or not. One would view Alastor as the demonic presence he is on the surface, while others like you can find charm in his smile and the kind affection he offers. He still has a push-and-pull game of tug-of-war between him and those who deem themselves close to him (whether it also be the other way around).

Last night, before you returned from the roof, you spotted Alastor out on his balcony, looking out to the city the same way you were. From this angle, he looked so small. His hair covered his eyes and hid his smile, giving him a more humanistic appearance despite his still visible hellish features. What a beautiful man.

By the time you started walking back towards the stairwell, he had looked up.

And third, he made you breakfast. With Alastor, you have either gone out to eat or just had tea at yours. But here, he moved with the practiced ease of one who knew their way around a stove, another humanistic part of him. As you watched, you sat perched on a stool, a cup of steaming tea cradled in your hands with comforting warmth. He spent his time in the kitchen, summoning an apron to make you laugh, and he gave you a prideful smirk before returning to the stove. That look, his charming eyes, and the handsome shapes of his face drove you insane.

You tapped on his shoulder the second you deemed him done. "For all your flaws, Alastor, you must be lovely in the home."

Alastor flashed you a grin, his red eyes sparkling with good humor. "I find I have a bit of a knack for this cooking business."

You snorted, taking a sip of your tea. "I didn't know that."

"Ah, but you see, there is a lot you don't know, my darling," Alastor said, sliding a plate piled with food in front of you on the counter.

You raised an eyebrow, picking up your fork to study the offerings. It had been ages since you'd had a proper meal, instead subsisting on whatever stale rations you could scrounge, ingredients you could torture campers into giving you.

"Amazing," you said, impaling a piece of meat on your fork. "Do not work for the food that perishes."

His ears hit the back of his head faster than any of his snaps. His eyes glistened, roaming back and forth between your hands, frantically scavenging through his living memories for where he'd recognized that. 

When you looked back at him, he was beaming, summoning a plate with a pile of arteries that twisted together like spaghetti. He finishes, "But for that meat which endures everlasting life."

With a put-upon sigh, you shove your smile by continuing to eat. Alastor watched you intensely. It was the little things, he knew, that would truly ruin your sensitive heart.

Therefore, due to those reasons, you have been on edge. 

Alastor leans back in his plush armchair, swirling the amber liquid of his drink with a passive tilt of the glass. The hotel lobby's dim, golden glow casts long shadows across his sharp features.

"I fear the days will end soon," he signs with one hand, his palm flicking with smooth motions, each word piercing together. It sends a smooth purr shivering down your spine, you clench your own drink. He doesn't exactly address you but keeps his eye on you to see if you respond. You tilt your head to your left, otherwise unmoving.

He takes a sip of his drink, savoring the burn of the fine scotch, and then places it down. "Decades upon decades... the years start to blend together, though everything still appears to be getting worse. The angels come and go, overlords rise and fall, and I remain through it all."

His eyes flicker across the candlelight, following the flame with his chin in his palm. You cross and then uncross your legs, darting a glance at the floor, contemplating making a run for it. Alastor's full lips curl into a wry smile. He recognizes that look, straightening. Overlords rise and fall.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, sweetheart," he signs, his smile taking on a glimmer of amusement. "I suppose you've been rather... soft today. Would you like to go do something? Though, I much prefer conversation to carnage... usually, at any rate."

You meet his eyes, and when he recognizes the look on your face, his chin lifts a bit. You stare at him with stone-cold eyes like you wore years before.

"Have you been messing with me?"

"What do you mean?" If he were to have spoken verbally, his voice effect would have been missing. Your astounding boldness starts with that blunt sentence. He had only responded with what first came to mind, no matter how dishonest. 

"I know you're doing it on purpose, the…" 

Even with your fluency, you need help with words and how to describe what you mean. He's been pulling away, spending hours without touching you and giving you small instances of affection. It has only been a few days, and you're already getting whip-lash because of how offputting he has been. Maybe this is due to his absence or the decade he spent away. Or it's because he got mad you pulled away from his touch while walking to the hotel. The real reason is out of your realm of possibilities.

"The what?"

"The pulling away."

"I have not been pulling away. We've spent all day together!"

"But, I suppose I mean the… affection." Here you go, sounding like a teenage girl again.

His head tilts. He knows what you mean, but he's trying to delay such an awkward conversation. "My dear, I hope you understand that yesterday… I fed you cake for your comfortability, not mine."

"Which I'm grateful for," you lean forward, getting a bit too passionate in your signing for his liking. Your desperation for discernment is uncomfortable. You swallow. "You're doing the thing where you're acting stupid, aren't you?"

When his smile grows, you sink back. "Alastor, that's unfair."

His signing is whimsical. "You've changed so much."

Your music screeches, his ears twitch a bit at the noise. The more he spends time with you, the more he notices your differences. For your generation, you're acting like someone Velvette's age. It's despicable. 

Of course, this isn't why his lack of affection started. Because honestly, while still despicable, your new personality is a bit charming. This hyper-sensitive, docile side of you is something he never knew you could harvest, and seeing a deadly overlord turn into a soft, almost human woman again is delightful. He wishes he was the one who caused it.

.

"Why would you want to talk to me?" You signed when the two of you spoke for the first time. "Or are you going to kill me?"

Alastor put a single claw against your collarbone, somewhere above the start of your speaker, before pulling back. "Oh, but that's where you're wrong," he purred, glinting with a knowing light. "Everyone has a story, my dear. And I, you see, am a collector of stories. A connoisseur, if you will."

It was just before exiting the alley next to Carmilla's estate. He was prepared to grab your arm to stop you from leaving, so he continued before you could turn away.

"My name is Alastor, I offer Hell its very own radio show."

He held out his hand for you to shake. You focused on the rise and fall of his chest, steady breaths. If he was breathing heavily, that would be suspicious, and breathing fast would still make you weary. He was calm, and he was smiling.

With a grimace, you shook his hand but slipped your fingers away before he could even try to kiss them.

He leaned forward due to the lack of response. "Tell me, what's your name, my dear? What brings you to this place, what destined you to have this damned thing? Was it pain, desperation... or perhaps something else entirely?"

You hesitated, eyebrows furrowed. For a long moment, Alastor thought you wouldn't answer. But then, haltingly at first, but with what could only be offered as boredom, you started to sign.

That was when he knew he should keep you around. The intrigue of you was a slow creeping addiction.

Because you had purposely signed as fast as possible, sometimes using home signs and signing so lazily that you'd go to one hand. At the same time, the other would touch your speaker. You spent the time purposely making it impossible for a hearing person to understand.

His smile tightened, and his eyes darted in every direction to try to grasp any word. He could see it, the spark in you, the flicker of potential that had not yet been extinguished by the cruel hand of fate. Would offering you a premature deal be more fun than waiting a while to develop an elaborate one? Through that smile, between trying to read between your lines, he ran your future through his brain.

You and him could not have been more different in terms of power. One of you viewed souls as a thing to collect, and the other viewed them as things to pity. When you first walked the streets of Pentagram City, you spent most of your days analyzing people. You made eye contact with every person who looked your way. You'd stand on the sidewalk like a statue, your music making people grimace at you, and you'd just smile at them with those same empty eyes. It's an entirely different outlook than you have now; years of avoidance, hate, and fear would affect anybody, even monsters. Because a few decades later, Alastor changed Hell. Overlords became threats and not just leaders. 

Once that happened, people wouldn't glare but run away.

At first, it was fun, and then it became humiliating.

If you just stayed in your big home in the forest, then you'd turn into a tale, something that still kept you in power. That's where you were the happiest, eventually.

[keyorden]

Echo Parents (2, Leo)

Ah, Leonardo Alvarez.

You know him, you love him. Surely, the Wolf who speaks the most about "Pack", who is the one to suggest the whole reunion, who is the only one who really willingly stayed in Echo has a great relationship with his parents, yes? Well, Still Yes. But also no. We know for certain that Leo's parents were welcoming. More than any others for the group as a whole at least, people stayed over the Albarez's. The friend group slept there, ate there, and more. They were very supportive of his and Chase's relationship, and Leo still works for his parents. Yet. At the same time, why does Leo not live with his parents? He lives at the old house, Alone. Also important in that, he is ALONE. He doesnt share the house with his siblings, of which we know he has. We don't have very much information on them, but it also largely seems like they don't stay/aren't around his parents. After all, Leo has to work during Spring Break, and there is a comment about them needing more mechanics. Surely, if multiple siblings were helping the family business, then that wouldn't be the case? Now, here is where we have to start doing some inferences. Leo, despite being Gay, has very Hetero-normative views on his relationship. He denotes Chase as being the "girl" of it, is described as being difficult to get to switch positions, states several times as both being willing and seeing himself as the breadwinner, and Chase as a potential Homemaker, or similar. Given his friends, the only real place he could've gotten those idea's from was his parents. While those aren't necessarily deal breakers in and of themselves, I think his tendencies twords communication problems as well also speak of this. I think it is very, very likely given his family, that they all do love each other dearly, but they don't talk to each other. As in, they don't talk about relationships, or problems they have. It's not stated directly what branch of Christianity (if even that) that Leo's family are, but given what they are, it is likely Catholic. Divorce isn't exactly approved by the church. And while it isn't directly stated anywhere, between Leo being as openly Gay as he is, as nonreligious as he is, and the "incident" of his nephew finding his porn, I think that's a very real reading of his family situation. If they were this kind of family, the idea of bringing up issues you have with the family outside of it would be nearly unthinkable. You grin and bear it, or ignore it, because that's what a good son would do. He loves them, they love him. They talk about Pack, but leave, and he leaves them. Leo is the only one of the group to Love Echo, and he doesn't love it for his Bio family, he loves it because of the Family HE choose. His friends. In short, the reading I get of Leo's situation is that he probably see's his parents each day, comments about idle things with them, does as he's told like a good son does, entertains family when he visits, but then doesn't think or talk to them anytime they aren't in front of him, and they do the same. Still loving, on the scale, but a distant thing. Not just a disconnect in understanding, like Carl's, but a disconnect in the love itself

[welldonebeca]

it's a Bad Idea, right? (23)

WC: 1.5k words Warnings: Mafia AU. Tension.

Masterlist

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The room was dead silent as everyone took seats, and Mr Ruda was looking at Betty like she was the Messiah.

“Betty, my dear friend,” Mr Pierce began, breaking the stillness, “I invited you here because I’ve been experiencing some communication difficulties with Waldemar. I've caught wind of rumours and whispers... and you are an employee of my friend here, am I correct?”

She nodded rigidly.

“Yes, sir. Since I graduated.”

He simply nodded, looking at her with what she could only see as pity.

“And my friend there claims he can’t quite explain everything in English, so I thought it would be best to bring someone who speaks the same language as him.”

Betty looked back at Mr Ruda, but he was still just frozen.

“Of course,” she agreed softly. “That’s very kind of you.”

Pierce looked very pleased, and she waited for what he would say, feeling Steffan’s eyes trained on her but unable to look back at him.

“Do you share your tips, Betty?” he asked her. “With the house;”

She shook her head.

“No, sir,” she denied quickly. “All waitresses keep their tips, the house doesn’t even require us to inform how much we made.”

He let out an impressed hum.

“That’s very ethical, I wasn’t aware of it. And is the pay good?”

She stiffened, glancing at Mr Ruda.

Well, she wasn’t exactly swimming in money.

“Oh, don’t worry, Betty,” he interrupted her worried thoughts. “Our friend would never prosecute for speaking out the truth."

She exhaled. Oh, well.

It was best to piss off her boss than the Mafia head, so…

“It can be, if we get enough good tips,” she told him. “But our hourly wage is not that good.”

“It’s why you have roommates, right?” Pierce asked, thinking a bit about it. “The… Sokovian ones.”

How did he even-

But she just nodded sharply.

“Yes, sir,” she confirmed.

“And do you have many friends in there?” he asked. “Do you know much about their lives?”

She shook her head.

If there was one time in which playing the dumb waitress role was good, it was right there and then.

“I’m good at sticking to my own business,” she told him. “I’m paid to watch tables, clean, and serve food. Not to know things.”

Pierce outrightly chuckled.

“And what did you go to school for?” he asked. “I’d expect you to be at least a bit smart if you made it all the way to the west.”

She breathed in deep.

“Fashion, sir,” she told him. “To work with wedding dresses.”

His face softened a bit, and he looked much less impressed.

“I see,” he said. “Are you the only Catholic on staff?”

Betty swallowed down hard, trying to keep her face from showing how scared of that topic she was.

“I don’t know, sir,” she replied. “My roommates are non-practicing Catholics, and I’m not that devout. But I've seen a girl or two at Mass.”

Pierce confirmed slowly, still seeming to be thinking about it.

“I heard a rumour,” he turned to look at Mr Ruda. “That some of your waitresses are hiding dirty secrets, Betty. Some of them might infiltrated Jews.”

The way he said it, infiltrated jews-

There was so much disgust in his tone, like he was speaking of an open infection, an insect infestation. Something that wasn’t meant to exist.

It made her taste bile in the back of her throat, and her heart drop to her stomach, and Betty didn’t even realise she hadn’t been able to hide her reaction until Pierce himself reacted to it.

“Exactly, Betty,” he exclaimed, sounding far too pleased, and she had to force herself to fix her face. “And if there is a dirty presence in a place to important for our members, we must know.”

She looked at Pierce and Steffan, but they were both looking at Ruda now, so that was what she did.

“I-” he started in English.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Pierce cut him off. “Go on. I got a translator just for you; you can speak your own language, my Polish friend.”

He exhaled, not looking any calmer.

“Dąbrowska,” he spoke slowly. “I’m a man of my word. I would never allow such a thing to happen. Our restaurant is an honourable place, I would never let it be tarnished by allowing a Jew to even step into it.”

Betty stared at him, swallowing down her disgust. Somehow, it was even more unsettling hearing it in Polish.

The very sound of Polish meant home for her. Betty might have been raised in France, but she always came home to mum and dad speaking in Polish.

It made her want to vomit, hearing someone say such a terrible thing in it so... freely. Shamelessly.

Still, she turned to Pierce, and forced herself to repeat it word by word, and his expression grew darker with each word.

“And do you expect me to believe it just like that?” he asked. “How do you know?”

Betty turned to him again, and Ruda was just growing paler by the second, and she could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

“Every waitress has to have the right connections,” he defended himself, his wide eyes pleading as he looked at her. “You were only hired because of the Malicks!”

She translated it into English, keeping her face straight.

Yes, that was true. Mrs Malick had told you about the call she’d received and the long questioning about knowing her.

But mum herself always hid that she was Jewish. Her family had ran away during the holocaust and kept themselves safe because of that. It was hard, yes, but it worked for her. Mrs Malick couldn’t say of things she didn’t know.

“And, let me guess, that’s how you know there’s is undercover police in there?” he asked.

Steffan stiffened up right away, staring at Betty with the kind of fear she almost felt pumping through her blood.

“I would know!” he argued back, too outraged, switching to English. “If there were any Jews, any cops, anyone!”

Pierce let out a non-committed hum, turning to Steffan, and they started talking in German, and she kept her eyes down as they did, remembering her boyfriend’s words closely.

She didn’t know German, nor Yiddish. All she spoke was Polish and English.

“I’m sure you understand we cannot afford to have any trouble in a place so important to our heads as your restaurant, Waldeman,” Pierce reminded him, back to speaking in English. “Or else, we’ll have to find a new place where we will feel safer.”

Betty’s eyes darted to him and then to Ruda.

Mama Stefka couldn’t afford to lose Hydra as customers. Barely anyone out of Hydra visited the restaurant.

“I know, sir,” Ruda agreed. “Which is why I would never put our relationship under any risk of danger.”

There was a long silence and Pierce exhaled, sounding tired.

"I'm inclined to believe you, Waldemar, but I hope you understand the consequences if the rumours I’ve been hearing prove themselves correct,” he spoke slowly. “You understand that, right?”

Mr Ruda nodded sharply.

“I would never lie to you, sir.”

Slowly, Pierce tapped onto the table, seeming to think about it.

“Leave us, Betty,” he told her. “You can wait outside. This is private matter.”

Every muscle of her body was rigid as she stood up, holding onto her purse, and she turned quickly to Steffan when he stood up and opened the door for her.

“Your boyfriend will be with you shortly, friend,” Pierce told her. “Thank you for your help.”

She swallowed down, nodding as she forced a smile to her face.

“Anytime, sir.”

She stepped out of the room and through the corridor, and sat down stiffly in the same chair in the empty waiting room.

Betty was surprised when the secretary walked to her, stopping in front of her with a tray in hand with a small teacup steaming and waiting for her, and some sugar packages and a sweetener.

“Chamomile,” she told her, her eyes very understanding, and her accent a just a little bit obvious.

Betty exhaled, taking it, and took it and the small sugar package, pouring some into it and mixing, and the woman stepped away as she drank it, trying to calm herself down.

How many times a day did she see people like her?

She sipped her tea slowly, trying to breath through it and relax, and it was another forty minutes before Steffan came back, not looking too happy, and they just exchanged looks before they walked out, going back to his car in silence.

“Thank you,’ he spoke when they sat together, alone and quiet, still parked up.

She exhaled, still feeling her hands shaking a bit.

“You’re welcome,” Betty swallowed down.

But he didn’t drop it, looking fully at her.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t… think about that again,” he told her. “That he is… certain there is nothing to worry about.”

She nodded, still feeling her extremities cold.

She needed to find another job. Another home, probably.

Wanda was going to move out soon, Betty couldn’t stay where she was. It wasn’t safe.

Steffan took her hand, grabbing it and squeezing it.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he affirmed, firm. “I promise.”

She forced herself to smile.

Yeah, somehow, Betty really didn’t believe him.

…

“it’s a Bad Idea, right?” was posted on my Patreon in September 2023. To have early access to it (and lots of other stories), consider subscribe to my page! It’s just $2 a month, and I know you won’t regret it!

…

Bad Idea: @peaceloveancolor

[calder]

your enoch / mark post lives in my head all day every day bc i’m mildly obsessed w the book of enoch and i’m really interested in how you’re relating apocalyptic text to fallout - i don’t know much abt the games except for nv but i’n interested what lead you to connect texts like enoch to fallout n is dee’s system part of this framework/interpretation?

(i don't know what dee's system is offhand)

ive struggled with how to answer this. i think it is largely that i found the text so movingly beautiful even as it was wrong with every assertion. it is the manic scrawlings of a schizophrenic person, pseudopigraphally attributed to an antediluvian, and purported to be the The First Book. the text is relentlessly vivid and evocative.

he'll spend pages rambling about how the sun orbits the earth and the moon is a woman, then left-turn into vague call for violence or attempts to describe the undescribable. i think this is my favorite part

1. Wisdom found no place where she might dwell; Then a dwelling-place was assigned her in the heavens. 2 Wisdom went forth to make her dwelling among the children of men, And found no dwelling-place: Wisdom returned to her place, And took her seat among the angels. 3 And unrighteousness went forth from her chambers: Whom she sought not she found, And dwelt with them,  As rain in a desert And dew on a thirsty land.

while i cannot even comprehend Enoch's position, much less agree with it, i am rocked by the scope and beauty of the author's internal life conveyed by the text.

i was already using the phrase "fallout apocrypha" to describe my area of interest. the beauty inherent to people disagreeing about how fallout works & making shit up

i'd like to share my favorite piece of fallout fan art with you. the original post seems to have been blanked by tumblr for some reason. this is quick redraw of an old indigenous Benny concept I drew by Frank Odlaws. his later comment regarding the work is included as a readmore.

-

odlaws: " this was all left in the notes as reply to someone asking why he is speaking spanish if he is native but the context for this comic is that Benny is schizophrenic native american from a mexican tribe “my hc for benny is tailored to my own heritage for self indulgent reasons lol, so in this he is based on my people, which is an indigenous tribe in mexico, i hc that he isnt connected to the actual native language of his people, only the spanish they were forced to assimilate to in mexico just like english in america, and just like many native american mexican people lose touch with their tongue after generations of forced assimilation i sort of figured people would just know but thats kind of foolish of me lol, my people are the purepecha people, who have a long history of exploitation and forced assimilation as well as a running trend of people trying to break from the communities to find better lives because of how actively our communities are suppressed and exploited through actively violent means, history of revolution and communities trying to take law into their own hands even to this day which i think is pretty fitting for bennys arc in the comic and narrative of the game, seeing his story go from abandoning his “tribe” (what nv refers to as tribes lol) in search of dignity and security, and the whole quest to take things into his own hands to take the land, acting as if its rightfully his, feels alot more powerful when seeing it through the lens of a native man whos lost access to the pride of his people and history only seeing the desperate remnants of his once thriving community, where that idea of power and dignity seems so distant and foreign it almost feels like fantasy, the catholic imagery that follows his design also is very in line with my people, who created an entirely unique sort of image of Catholicism after it being so forced upon us they created an image of their own native religion thru the catholic lens as a means to continue our reality without fear of punishment”

[nikox400x]

KFP 4: The true hell behind the cameras ft. The Co-director of KFP4

I know I already made my review to this thing, and believe me when I say that I didn't want to talk anymore about this dawn movie (For call it something). But the reason for this statement is something that I cannot ignore, so hold on to your seat because what you are going to read is not a mission impossible movie, this really happened in the same Dreamworks studios.

The devil has different names depending on the religion;

-In the Catholic religion he is called Satan.

-In Islam he's Iblís.

-In Buddhism it's Mara.

But in the world of kung fu panda, the devil has a human name, Mike Mitchell.

Context? Three days ago, as a result of all the protests about the poor narrative quality of the film, the KFP's reddit community was able to find someone from within the production of the film, a witness who could corroborate everything that we assumed was happening within that studio.

This person is no one else but the co-director of kfp4, Stephanie Ma Stine. One of the main people who, along with a large part of the team of animators who love this saga too, fought and fought throughout the production so that the film was not completely destroyed from the beginning.

This woman was contacted by a discord channel to answer some questions that the community was asking in the company of the administrators of the discord group of the kung fu panda fandom, at first this woman seemed frustrated by something that I am going to explain, The entire conversation was recorded and uploaded to YouTube to expose the nauseating experience that Stephanie had to endure during the production of this film.

To begin with, she had almost no power within the production because she was considered someone new to her job and the disgusting bosses at Dreamworks had no better idea than to give all creative control to Mike.

Dreamworks gave a time limit for the duration of the film, later you will know why. This guy didn't have the slightest idea how to direct such a short movie, much less if it was a kung fu panda movie, since the guy treated kung fu panda like a chinese version of the minions, obviously because he didn't give a shit about franchise and he just wanted something that would make people laugh (But his humor and the scriptwriters's was so bad that even it would insult ilumination itself) although not even the children could find this humor funny.

What kind of humor? Well, you know; fart humor, jokes with a childish tone, random chases that contribute nothing to the plot, jokes about annoying and invincible children, jokes without charisma, generation Z humor, random hits, etc...

And like any sane person would do, Stephanie tried to give it that serious but parodic and heartfelt tone that the first triology had, but obviously they barely listened to her because she was considered new. So she had to resort to encouraging people passionate about the saga within the studio to insist on adding things that would improve the plot. Most of the time when they insisted on improving the quality of the script it ended in a roll of eyes from the higher ups within the production as if trying to tell them; "Damn stupid people, so much bother for a children's saga that is only used to make easy money"

The problem transcended for a long time as more and more absurd ideas came out of the writing team, some of them that even destroyed the logic of the world they were building, all of this was translated into a long and nightmarish trench war between those who love the saga and the psychopaths who only cared about money.

So, what happened next? Well, the movie came out and fans (and non-fans) were disappointed because the movie seems like a draft made by people who didn't seem to speak the same language during the artistic decisiones in the movie. Exactly, because of all this conflict between those who agreed with Stephanie and those who listened to Mike.

And in the end, it was Stephanie who had to politely come forward in front of the disappointed people to give these professionally humiliating explanations, and what did Mike do on his part? Bury his head like an ostrich and do not listen to the criticism that he generated for their horrible decisions.

(Stephanie's user is called storyduke)

This is the conversation between her and the administrators of the discord group, pause the video calmly and read on your own if you need it, for prove I haven't invented anything of this to defame Mike or something like this. All this comes from the person who was by his side during all production.

In order not to overwhelm you because the video is very long, I leave you a summary of what she said below. I will mainly use the comment of this reddit user called Mystic3012 who explains all this quite well (My comments will be marked in red):

Early on, KFP4 was considered to be live action-animation hybrid, and featured humans (WTF?!). I posted concept art of the human Chameleon (then, The Collector, even though we already have Kai the Collector) vs Po. Seems like Zhen would've been human too. They'd have come from Hu-man City (Wow, how originally -_-), apparently... To add insult to injury, one of these versions had Po, the protagonist, stuck in a BOX for 20 MINUTES. (20 minutes... no words for this. And no, you're not reading wrong, HUMANS IN KUNG FU PANDA. If it hadn't been for Stephanie, this is what they would have given us. Thanks Stephanie, guys)

Mike Mitchell, the director, had total creative freedom. Hence, him + the studio leadership wanting laughs and a more joke-y vibe led to the overall tone, like the F5's comical side missions. Jack Black called him the "comedy guy"(I want to think jack Black is another victim here and he simply couldn't do nothing because his contract does not allow it), while Stephanie brought "things deeper" and "more heart".

Additionally, it was Mitchell who insisted against fleshing out the Chameleon's backstory "What a surprise...right guys?". Apparently, Chameleon and Zhen had ZERO backstory in early versions. By the time the crew pushed him enough to change his mind, they were too far along in animating to add anything but the Chameleon's few lines.

The runtime was a studio mandate since they believed children can't watch a longer film + maximize profits (You motherfu...).

TV shows are non-canon, as they are under separate film and television divisions that are "rivals".

Lord Shen, General Kai, and the Furious Five were VERY last minute additions to the point that their animation rigs were "made of sticks and glue"(The 3D models were so poorly made due to lack of time that if they made original animations, they would directly break, they had to reuse animations from the first, second, third movie and from the Christmas short for the credits. The animations of Crane and Shen's feathers, according to her, were bugged a lot and the wings tended to separate from the body or bend in unrealistic ways during animation tests). Hence, no plot relevance (e.g. not redeemed properly) and inability to bring back their actors, as much as some of the crew advocated for their return. Furthermore, there's a thing where actors are brought in for voice roles with X amount of money, and exponential increases for sequels. Apparently, a single line from Jolie would've cost $20 million (Easy Angelina!! XD. They could have simply changed the actress who played her like for example the one who play her in Secrets of the Scroll or the one of Legend of Awessomless, this was simply used as an excuse not to add them to the film), so you can imagine why the Five were absent...

Not everyone who dies goes to the Spirit Realm. It's not a definite rule behind-the-scenes, but it's vaguely agreed upon that only kung fu practitioners can pass on. It was also Mitchell's idea that all 3 villains were indeed sent to the Realm and that the Chameleon only wanted master VILLAINS summoned. [Pretty sure that retcons Lord Shen but alas-]

Pelican is named Chip, and a female. The fish in her beak is Fish.

Calvin Tsang, Head of Story, directed "a short film for KFP 4". Though, DreamWorks gave him a low budget but apparently he pulled enough favours for it to work out, with Stephanie describing it as "amazing, seriously" and shows "how strong of a director's voice he has".

Future spin-offs uncertain. DreamWorks has dissolved most, if not all, of its TV division.

Though, Mitchell was very vocal about a F5 spinoff. Execs are aware of the fans' demand for it (Wow thank you...-_-, just don't ruin it again).

Shifu's staff lacks its golden piece since it has been repaired following his mastery of Chi, per production designer Paul Duncan. (Same man responsible for bringing back the Dagger of Deng Wa with his attention to detail) (Niceee)

Universal mandated for a tentpole film like KFP4 to have "stars" hired for voicework.

For the record, Stephanie wanted for KFP4 to "stay truer to KFP1 and KFP 2" but was dismissed as a nobody by the crew (Basically what I said before, Mike and a good part of his team are anything but respectful of other people's works).

Case in point, she wanted Tai Lung being brought back to be done right. She pitched for Po/Shifu to have a vision of the Chameleon kidnapping Shifu, prompting Po to go on a quest to stop her. Shifu gets kidnapped anyway due to the Chameleon's manipulations, and he's hence present to say goodbye to Tai Lung. The execs loved it but "someone axed it" (That person better not know their identity because the fans cling to Tai Lung, I don't think they'll laugh much at this 😅). For those who've seen the film, the vision was reduced to Po's dream enroute to Juniper City.

Another example of Stephanie's intervention, she fought for Zhen to be redeemed ONSCREEN after betraying Po, much to the writers' refusal (These people don't even respect their own characters). She was supposed to swoop in out of nowhere to fight the Chameleon for a bit and disappears quickly again. She also ensured that her redemption scene wasn't just dialogue and had action going on. (She admits to Po and Zhen's underbaked relationship not supplementing this scene enough though.)

The writers seemed to HATE comments "poking holes at the story" (And then what do they want us to call that; "purposely destroy the canon of history because of its inaccuracy?" On top of bad in their own job, they're crybabies).

Zhen is a Corsac Fox as its the Asian fox with distinctive facial features.

Nico Marlet, renowned concept artist, only worked on the film for a week, left, and refused to come back (I don't even know if I want to know why, just imagine it).

Many crewmembers pitched ideas for Zhen's family's backstory but all were discarded (They can't even develop their own character, I'll call that technique "Work? What is that? it is eatable? XD").

By the way, the thing about humans was no joke.

(Conceptual art made by Luca Pisanu)

Original reddit forum:

Guys, that's it, how not to write a movie. I think you can already imagine my opinion, it is a complete shame what they tried to do with this saga but at least she was able to save it from being completely ruined. I sincerely ask you all to spread this information, I will leave you a link to the original reddit thread for your inspection. And I'm just saying one thing: I hope they fire Mike Mitchell and all his damn inept scriptwriters, and I hope we never see them again in another production of this saga. And of course, to the executives at Dreamworks: Stick your finger up your ass and don't touch what you don't know how to touch.

Don't be silent about these things, because you know what will happen? That they will do the same thing again with the fifth film because they see that the method works, in addition to the fact that they will also exploit their workers for nothing for such a mediocre product (Because yes, they also exploited them to finish the finale on time). Let this not happen again guys, please I ask you.

[mental-illness-bingo]

TW Sophieinwonderland, cult discussion

For anyone with expertise on cults, does it seem to you like sophie may be going in that direction? Reading their recent posts after *that* post, it sounds to me like it’s going there - whether or not she intends it to.

Her posts constantly include her not just advocating for endos and attacking anti-endos, but actively trying to pressure people to be plural. She’s probably successfully making some people realize they’re a CDD system by traumatizing them with the things she posts. She’s definitely trying to get a group of people behind her and encourage them to follow her and get even more.

She talks about how wonderful she thinks it is being plural, and REALLY wants everyone else to be in on it. So much so that she’s willing to make it seem like people were toxic to their imaginary friends as kids for trying to control them and then shoving them away. In her pinned she has something she wrote where she actively says that she’ll convince “at least one of you” that your imaginary friend from childhood is sentient and you just forced them to hide.

She literally said, and this is a quote “Speaking as the person who started The Future is Plural, and a tulpa, more created systems (and tulpas specifically) have always been baked into the slogan. Yes, it's about acceptance. But acceptance will result in more created systems. And more created systems will lead to more plurals. Higher numbers of plurals leads to more power. And more power will let us spread more acceptance.” That post was tagged with “we are legion”.

And then there’s that post where she actively was asking for ideas and articles she could use to make a fake conspiracy theory to use as “a Trojan horse in the conspiracy theory community” to convince them everyone was plural before a coverup happened. Dragging Egyptian mythology into it too, which is incredibly disrespectful. She is actively making up fake stories of some past where there were a bunch of people like her and the group she’s creating and that everyone not like them is either secretly like them or is against them and actively trying to cover up their existence. This fake past (that she openly posted about making up to infiltrate conspiracy theorists and get them to believe) that she’s then going to try to use to get even more people to join her bc she’s “awoken” something in them.

I definitely don’t think she’s there yet; like I said I think it’s just going that way. Especially with that explicitly stated desire for power which she would then use to spread her message further which would get more power for her and her followers and so on in that cycle.

BITE model analysis below the cut (idk if there’s a more recent version than this as I stepped away from learning about cults a while ago bc I just wasn’t there in my religious trauma journey to hear so much about catholic adjacent ideas)

I’m not at all set in stone on this idea. I just want to know if I’m reading too deep or if this really is why her followers saw that post playing into paranoia and threatening anti-endos as somehow the same as not believing in endos and how they think blocking her is some extreme offense. Someone on my post asking what it was she said in that post that went around (I hadn’t seen it since I had her blocked already) said that I shouldn’t judge her by that or by anyone else’s opinion on her. It was giving “if you just meet and talk to our founder, you’ll understand why we do everything we do” vibes and I wanted to look deeper into it. You are/gen encouraged to counter or disprove this with actual critical discussion. “She’s not making a cult you’re stupid” isn’t critical discussion. “Here’s why I don’t think you’re right” is.

Please note, for the analysis using the BITE model I will be phrasing things using what she says. I do not believe any of what she says but it’s easier to communicate using her terms and more effectively explains it rather than shoving “supposedly” and “what they call” into every single sentence.

B/Behavior control:

Promote dependence and obedience ✅ - you’re “pluralphobic” or a “sysmed” if you disagree with her trying to push people to become plural and force this idea of a future she has where everyone is plural. Even if the actual singlet involved doesn’t want to, she then pushes the idea that you’re actively emotionally hurting someone by not following her ideas, someone you cared about as a child. Imaginary friends are often foundational to children’s emotional attachments as it allows them to freely practice social interactions and connections without risk of messing up, so attacking someone’s feelings towards their imaginary friends is likely to drag them to her side whether they want to or not.

Modify behavior with rewards and punishments ✅ - anti endos are threatened on that post with emotional harm and told there isn’t a way they can escape it unless they stop being anti-endo and start pushing plurality with her.

Dictate where and with whom you live, Restrict or control sexuality, Control clothing and hairstyle, regulate what and how much you eat and drink, deprive you of 7-9 hours of sleep, exploit you financially, restrict your leisure time activities, require you to seek permission for major decisions ❌

Requiring major time spent on group indoctrination and rituals, including self-indoctrination on the internet ❔- while not exactly required, sophie isn’t unclear on her message that you should be putting pressure on people around you to be first accepting of and then consider actually being plural. She also has EXTENSIVE reading in her pinned post and recommends various other sources throughout her posts

I/Information control:

Deliberately withhold and distort information ✅ - any sources that go against endogenic systems are from “bigots/sysmeds/pluralphobes” and the only things you should be listening to are the few and far between biased “research” she’s found pointing to the existence of endogenic systems. For the most part, these don’t exist so instead she appropriates tulpamancy which is a closed practice separate from any definition of a system (according to people who are part of the closed practice I’ve seen speak on this), which does have research into it being that it’s a long standing religious practice.

Forbid you from communicating with ex-members and critics ✅ - the paranoia inducing post directly states that she will get your friends and family to stop speaking with you without ever telling you why. She claims she will entirely isolate anti-endos and destroy their support systems.

Restrict access to non-cult sources of information ❔- not that I’ve seen other than trying to pressure people into thinking they’re biased against them and therefore inaccurate.

Compartmentalize information into insider vs outsider doctrine ✅ - everything she’s doing is Us vs Them, pro-endos vs anti endos isn’t a discussion anymore it’s a *personal attack* and shouldn’t be discussed it should be eradicated. This isn’t a conversation to her at this point, just a way of leaning into her desire to push fake plurals even further.

Generate and use propaganda (“the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person”, Merriam-Webster) extensively ✅ - literally her whole blog on tumblr and on whatever site it is those links go to

Use information gained in confidence against you ❔not to my knowledge

Gaslight (“to psychologically manipulate (a person) usually over an extended period of time so that the victim questions the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and experiences confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and doubts concerning their own emotional or mental stability”, Merriam-Webster) to make you doubt your own memory ✅ - the whole concept about how she talks about imaginary friends and the idea that they were people you emotionally mistreated (haven’t seen her use the word abuse but wouldn’t put it past her) is based on trying to convince people they weren’t really imagining them. She tries to use things such as dreams to prove something can be autonomous within your own head and drives this idea further by attempting to reshape childhood memories. All children at some point believed their imaginary friend was separate of them because it’s the subconscious trying to help you run simulated social experiences, but sophie wants you to believe your subconscious isn’t responsible (and in fact doesn’t - at least in the post about sentience in her pinned - acknowledge the subconscious at all) but an entire other person in your mind. There’s a reason children realize these aren’t real people right as they hit the age where they can both understand reality’s fiction and when they realize they’re capable of imagining things at all (both fundamental developmental milestones). It’s just that they aren’t capable of understanding that they’re in control of it yet because their neurology allows for playing pretend but not for comprehending pretend.

Require you to report your own thoughts, feelings, and activities to your superiors, encourage you to spy and report on others’ misconduct, big brother surveillance ❌

T/Thought control:

Teach you to internalize group doctrine as “Truth” ✅ - as I’ve mentioned earlier in the post, she marks all sources that agree with her as correct and all sources that disagree with her as incorrect AND bigoted against her and people like her. If you are to avoid her threats, you have to agree with what she considers the truth, regardless of the vast majority of psychological studies that say different.

Instill black vs white, us vs them, good vs evil thinking ✅ - extensively covered above

Change your identity, possibly even your name ✅ - she wants singlets to believe they’re someone else. Multiple someone elses. All with different names and opinions but most importantly all who have been shoved away by you and want to be free to do what they please which just so happens to align with her desire to push more people to do the same.

Use loaded language to stop complex thought ✅ - most examples of this are rephrasing something to put emotional weight against disagreeing with it. One such example given when I looked it up was the transfer from anti-abortion to pro-life. This is all over Sophie’s posts. She’s got three different terms she’s throwing around all emotionally loaded to make you feel disgusting for disagreeing. Sysmeds (which she constantly pushes to conflate with transmeds and actively compared anti-endos to homophobes), pluralphobes, and outright use of the word bigot - all used to replace the term anti-endo and make it seem disgusting and horrible and just morally Wrong to be anti-endo.

Induce hypnotic or trance states to indoctrinate ❔ - she does seem to push some methods adjacent to meditation but I wouldn’t call it a trance state, though she does heavily believe in forcing people to dissociate and create systems that way so up to you if you see this as a yes or no

Teach thought-stopping techniques to prevent critical thought and reality testing ❔ not in any classic cult way I’ve seen where they have a phrase of some sort to stop those thoughts, but the fear of punishment technique is in place. Her followers saw how she spoke to anti-endos. The threats weren’t released in any isolated way. The people who agree with her saw what would happen if they changed their minds. I’m willing to bet it didn’t just cause paranoia in people already on the anti-endo side.

Allow only positive thoughts ❌

Use excessive meditation, singing, prayer, and chanting to block thoughts ❌

Reject rational analysis, critical thinking, and constructive criticism ✅ - extensively covered above

E/Emotional control:

Instill irrational fears of questioning or leaving the group (phobia indoctrination) ✅ - more of what I was speaking on above; her followers also saw the threats that anti-endos got. This could very well keep someone on her side for fear that she would cause them isolation and emotional harm if they were to disagree with her.

Make you feel elitist and special ✅ - all over her page she talks about how great letting your imaginary friends take over is and how being plural is such a great thing. I’ve seen her reblogging things going all the way to saying extreme pain was made bearable (from 100 to 10) from one of their “headmates” holding their hand. This has neurological basis in CDD systems but it doesn’t have any basis without the different usage of the brain that comes with a CDD system. It’s basic “mind over matter” but it’s being rebranded as some special thing they could do because they fed into this. She convinces them they’re better than others who continue to shove away their imaginary friends. She also says they’re better than all anti-endos because they aren’t being bigoted. The future is plural is pushed because being plural is better in her mind.

Promote feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness ❔- not to her followers which is what I think this refers to? She does this to people who don’t agree with her though and to an extreme degree (The Post, you know the one)

Elicit extreme emotional highs and lows, label some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, or wrong, teach emotion-stopping techniques to prevent anger or home-sickness ❌

Threaten and harass your friends and family ✅ - if we are to believe her, this is what she would do given the opportunity. This is what she threatened to do. I have no doubt that she would absolutely do this to any anti-endo in her real life. It’s not a risk to us because she has no access to our information and our families. But given that access? I don’t think she’d be above trying it (at least until it got her in trouble where she would go whine to a judge about how they’re mean to the people she supposedly made up and decided to keep in her head)

Shun you if you disobey or disbelieve ✅ - just as she tried to make anti-endos believe she’d isolated us, so too would she do to one of her followers who became anti-endo. She wants anti-endos to believe we have no support network so we join her side. By extension, that likely means she wants pro-endos to believe that they would have no support network if they became anti-endo.

Teach you that there is no happiness or fulfillment outside of the group ✅ - she has several things she’s reblogged or posted from her asks discussing how miserable anti-endos must be, one even claiming that the reason we’re anti-endo is because our system wants us to continue doubting the existence of our alters so they push away her beliefs. She either firmly believes herself that we are all miserable and mean or she knows better but wants her followers to believe it.

There’s a lot of X’s there. She’s definitely not there yet I don’t think, and I don’t even know if there’s sufficient evidence to say it’s going there. There IS sufficient evidence in the way her followers reacted to and defended that post (or completely ignored its existence while continuing to follow her and act like it was completely normal) to say that people are being swayed and controlled by the ideas she’s pushed. There’s a reason we have to do so much damage control on that post - because she wanted people to be scared and enjoyed that it worked.

She is, bare minimum, high on a power trip. She’s willing to avoid blocks and harass people to get her message across, and the message is that no one is to disagree with her.

I don’t agree with and don’t appreciate the existence of the endogenic “system” community, but Sophie isn’t representative of all of them. She’s her own issue separately and maybe more pressing than them.

I don’t know what if anything can be done about this if it is the case. I just know that I saw a pattern I recognized from an old hyperfixation on cults and some… experience from a short period of my personal life dealing with this kind of thing and I wanted to see if others see it too.

Edit: addition based on something I saw on the sophie filter blog (avoid this at all costs it’s intentionally triggers and traumatizing to read AND is used to intentionally filter everything terrible people on the internet have sent to her into one place to try and make anti-endos look like a hate group)

If you don’t do what she says, you are punished. If you post in tags she decided were theirs, you are punished. “Stepping out of line” is the phrase she chose to use.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

Luis ramble time

TW//homophobia??

I think my favorite thing about Luis has to be the idea that his religious trauma led him to become homophobic but not in the sense of how it normally is. I think he internalized it as he grew up in a Catholic setting and became more interested in other people. This is why I believe he probably wouldn't have kissed Leon,,he will flirt and make flirty gestures but I don't really believe he'd full on go for it. I think it's more believable that he would've felt guilty because we all know one thing Luis still holds dear is his religion.

To me Luis is bisexual and when he met Leon it made him remember those odd feeling but he was to afraid to express them both from fear of loosing Leon and the feeling of being sinful. (this comes from someone who connects to Luis in these regards,,dw I came to terms with myself awhile ago!) And just like everything else in his life he ran away from it and ultimately..

He never let himself feel those emotions nor tell Leon

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FERAL I WENT OVER THIS I STARTED GOING DOWN SUCH A LONG RABBIT HOLE OUUUUGHHH

BUT YOURE SO RIGHT YOU HAVE A BIT BEAUTIFUL BRAIN IT HURTS SM,,,,,,,, I think you’re absolutely right but I wanted to add my own headcannons too cuz I think it could be a very very interesting discussion!!!!!! I’ve put my thoughts under the cut so it doesn’t clog up peoples dashboards!!!!

I couldn’t agree more I think it’d be pretty safe ro say Luis has a FAIR BIT of internalised homophobia from his religious upbringing (now I wanna clarify that I don’t have any religious trauma like, at all, I wasn’t brought up relifious but I have TONS of friends who’ve gone through it so I’ve done my best to understand it best I can!!!!) and where my headcannon sliiiiiiiightly differs from yours is that I think Luis probably would have come to terms with his own queerness by the time he’s working with Umbrella

Obviously he’s already very flamboyant and VERRRRYYY flirty w both men and women and he’s clearly confident in himself- but what a lot of people seem to forget that the lovely @blveherb and @possessionisamyth have gone into detail about is that Luis is an immigrant, and if you look at literally any piece of history from before like,,,, roughly around the 80’s queer and immigrant history were REALLY intertwined, like, the two communities would often be at the same places or facing the same struggles at the same time etc and obviously white historians haven’t done us any favours with preserving this history (and ALSO also i am WHITE AS ALL HELL so im obviously not in a position to be speaking on topics that i dont fully understand/havent affected me which is why i ask that if anyone is more knowledgable on the topic please do elaborate on it!!!!!!!)((also it’s obviously very very important not to try and take away focus from or erase poc history when talking about queer history!!!!!!!!!!!!!))

So I don’t think it would be much of a stretch to say that Luis, after leaving Valdelobos and ending up wherever he did, would have also discovered the queer community as a whole just by virtue of being apart of a minority (again, this isn’t something that’s ever even remotely effected me so please if I’ve made any mistakes or if anyone wants to point anything out do so!!!!) also I just imagine that, in general, Luis would’ve been grateful for any kind of community to fall back on after he left his own- how old he was when he left is unknown obviously but I can’t imagine being barely even an adult discovering the big wide world for the first time after spending your entire life in a tiny rural catholic village would’ve been easy which is why communities like that are so important (also you could absolutely go into how Umbrella would’ve fed that need for a community even further in a young naive Luis but that’s getting ahead of the subject)

Also somewhat on and off topic but M A A N Y historians have pointed out that Don Quixote is a pretty queer fricken book. That’s an entirely different discussion in and of itself but the whole book itself, the relationship between Alonso and Sancho, the history itself surrounding the book etc can leave a lot of queer interpretations to be read (and @highball66 has pointed out that while not specifically a term used for gay men, in some areas ‘Sancho’ has been used to refer to ‘the other guy in the relationship’, ie the man the husband is sleeping with etc) ((AND also it’s just,, kinda hard to analyse super old books through the lens of the LGBTQ+ community as we understand it roday- Kaz Rowe on YouTube has some good videos on the topic I can’t reccomend enough!!!!))

And so I personally like to imagine that by the time he returns BACK to Valdelobos, he’s probably come to terms with it- but like most traumas, returning to the place where it all started and manifested probably would’ve brought up those same feelings of internalised homophobia like you’ve said; which is why he’s so afraid to confess to Leon. Even if he KNOWS he’s come to terms with his identity n such, that doesn’t mean that returning to the place where it all started doesn’t bring back up those old feelings (also him returning home in the manor that he does just makes my theory/headcannon that he’s Trans go WILD but I’m saving that for ANOTHER DAY)

‘He holds Religion very Close to him’ GOD YOURE SO RIGHT ABT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like even if he doesn’t still believe in god or anything his upbringing still effects him!!!!!!!!!!!!! He still always does the sign of the cross whenever he sees a dead body and obviously that classic catholic guilt and need to repent follows his every actions alongside just, y’know, the average amount of guilt people would feel in his situation BCNEHENDJDND so can you imagine how much WORSE he’d feeling going BACK to Valdelobos and meeting LEON and having all those feelings and fears come up again???????????? OUGH WHY MAKE ME THINK ABT THIS OP /lh

AND and, like you mentioned, Luis always has this reoccurring theme of thinking he has more time than he actually has and that he can run away from anything. It’s honestly so so so very tragic; and just the idea of that cycle repeating AGAIN in something SO PERSONAL (ie, his love for Leon) is just,,,,,,,,,, o u g h it’s so heartbreaking man why would you say that I am strangling you /jjjjjjjj

Luis always thinks he has more time to fix his mistakes, to be a better person- and even when he starts to realise he doesn’t, he still holds out hope. He thinks, ‘tomorrow I’ll tell Leon’, but he never gets that opportunity.

And finally this one is purely self indulgent but I’ve always pictured Luis as being the kind of person to just be happy labelling himself as ‘queer’ cuz it’s quick and convinient but BISEXUAL LUIS SL TRUE

(Also obligatory ‘these are just headcannons/theories/analysis nobody is saying these are CANNON this is just an observation’ message!!!!!!!)

[glambertfairykilljoyalien]

If I wrote an episode of Miraculous's Season 5, it'd involve this

For context, the episode would involve a music festival that the students volunteer to as a way to increase their chances to attend any university of their choice. The catch is that every student is assigned to a band to help out through out the whole festival. Marinette is assigned to help The Crüxshadows, an American darkwave band, which surprises everyone. At first, Marientte was a little nervous, but after meeting the band, she calms down and she gets along with them instantly. She ends up using the band's outfits as inspirations for her own fashion designs.

Throughout the episode, Marinette gains the band's respect while she overhears other band's talking about her classmates (Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel expressing his suspicion of Lila Rossi; Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance ranting about Chloe Bourgeois's behavior and her constant use of the phrase "utterly ridiculous", etc). What occurs before this is that Chloé and Lila cornered Marientte and threaten to make her as miserable as possible to the point of Marientte suffering a panic attack to which Bill, Gerard, and Rogue walk in on. Chloé and Lila are startled as soon as they realize they have witnesses. Bill, Gerard, and Rogue dragged the girls into the principal’s office.

While there, Rogue demands two of the teachers sponsoring the students into the office as well. As soon as they arrive, Bill and Gerard cuss out Lila and Chloé (in German and English respectively) while Marinette cries into Rogue's shoulder as he glares at the staff as if he's demanding an explanation. The staff is not only surprised by what their witnessing, but also trying to figure out how to explain it. Of course, they fail at it and Rogue (without changing his facial expression or raising his voice) rips into everyone and explains, in no uncertain terms, does not take cowardice lightly.

Naturally, Chloé would call her father and Rogue snatches the phone before anyone could say anything. The call would go something like this:

Rogue: Are you Chloé Bourgeois's father?

Mayor: This is he. How may I help you?

Rogue: I have a question to ask you.

Mayor: Of course, sir.

Rogue: Did you know that your daughter was antagonizing another student to the point of a panic attack?

Mayor: Excuse me?

Rogue: I'm asking if you're aware of your daughter's behavior at our music festival.

Mayor: Eh... well...

Rogue: Are you going to discipline her?

Mayor: ...

Rogue: So, your just going to let your daughter get away with this bullying behaviour?

Before Mayor Bourgeois could answer, another voice, who turns out to be Chloé's mother Audrey, bursts in and demands his attention. Rogue then asks if it's her mother and asks to speak to her. The phone call with her goes into Rogue tearing Audrey down and Audrey explaining about how Chloé is a disappointment to the family. Rogue snaps and then asks in a very cold and intimidating tone,"Do you even _like_ your daughter?" Silence. Chloé ends up sobbing into her hands. Rogue sighs and says, "You are the _worst_ excuse for a mother I have _ever_ had the misfortune of talking to. No wonder Chloé acts out like that." Rogue hangs up and glares at the staff.

The result is that Chloé and Lila are thrusted into community service in another part of Paris, away from the festival. Adrien, who has known Chloé for as long as he could remember, suggests a therapist to her. Chloé decides to take it into consideration (she does so, without ever telling Lila). Marinette doesn't like the idea, at first, but after what she saw and heard from Chloé's mother, she realizes that Chloé really needs it, especially after the deep seeded issues from that mother figure. And let's be real, Lila just makes it worse just by being around (and makes everyone a whole lot dumber).

Notes: The bands are immune to Lila's intelligence dimming abilities for two reasons:

Number 1.) Some have religious symbols on them (Rogue, himself, is a Catholic Christian, so he wears a cross around his neck along with his ahnk necklace; Adam Lambert has Jewish ancestry on his maternal side and keeps his Star of David close to him), which is likely protecting them from whatever lies they hear from Lila

Number 2.) A lot of the bands have some form of blue and black on their person. In most cultures (including witchcraft), blue is associated with intelligence, while black is associated with protection. So, with blue and black paired together, the intelligence of others is protected from Lila's power

Bonus: The festival was close to shutting down due to Adam Lambert being kidnapped by Hawk Moth/Monarch. Getting really sick and tired of the whole thing, Adam basically socs Hawk Moth/Monarch in the face (knocking him out) and basically walking out in annoyance.

All these panels are done on ibispaintx.

Also, good God, I haven't posted in almost a year, huh? Well, I'm back, but I won't be posting as often as I used to. Thank you for your patience, and I hope y'all have a good day/night

[transthadymacdermot]

Tagged for an in-character oc interview by @coarsely! we will be interviewing Eoin O'Donnell, an obviously undiagnosed but extremely autistic Irish Catholic Defender leader who constantly swings between well-liked and proverbially hunted for sport by the local community depending on the day.

Are you named after anyone?

After thinking for a long time, he finally comes up with, "I dunno."

When was the last time you cried?

"I shouldn't like to speak on it."

Do you have kids?

"Ha, none that you can prove are mine. Folk whisper about Sarah's Tommy, and of course everyone suspects about the neighbour's daughter who looks suspiciously little like her wee brothers and sisters, but you didn't hear nothing from me."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"Jesus, I can't abide sarcasm. Never know what folk are saying when they wrap it up like that. I would only ever do that to a man if I wanted him to know how mad I was at him."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"Something about the way they stand. Where they put their feet on the ground and how they balance. I do be avoiding their faces but I do declare, I get just as much out of looking at their feet as I would should I be forced to look at their eyes."

What’s your eye colour?

"Are you looking to create a description of me? I'll say brown." His eyes are grey.

Scary movies or happy endings?

"What is a 'movie?' Be it a sort of dance?" Upon the explanation being given, he nods enthusiastically. "Like a play. I seen some of The Rivals at the Big House last month when I went up with Thady*. It was-- well. All fiction does my head in. Waste of my damn time."

*His brother-in-law who he lives with

Any special talents?

"There's no one born within a hundred leagues as good with bones as I am. Man, beast, what-have-you, I can tell you what bone it is and where it came from and how long the creature's been dead and loads of other stuff depending on how good the condition is. Dictated half of the placards in the Marquess'* hall of curiosities so I did. He'd no idea, ha!"

*a local aristocrat with a large victorian-style cabinet of curiosities in his house. Charles' uncle, also

Where were you born?

"County Armagh. You won't know the exact place."

Do you have any pets?

"Well, none that are living. Do you count skeletal remains for this one, or-- you don't? More's the pity. I don't, then."

What sort of sports do you play?

He is visibly uncomfortable. "The-- the thing they do with the sticks. Obviously. Ha. Of course I do. Why shouldn't I? Nothing I love more than a bit of sport. Obviously. Next question. Please."

How tall are you?

"I dunno. Tall."

What was your favorite subject in school?

Once again, he seems extremely uncomfortable at the question. "I shouldn't like to talk on that either. The boys at school didn't like me. Go on."

What is your dream job?

"I-- I wish the Marquess would take me on permanently to sort of manage his hall of curiosities. Or if I could be an anatomist. I don't know. Sort of foolish." He seems embarrassed. "'Tis very well to just be a cottier of course. I don't mean to say-- well. In any case."

Tagging without pressure @orphanheirs @fortunatetragedy @chiropteracupola @olimpias and anyone else who would like to take part!!!

[matthiastalksalot]

what is being aromantic? what is being asexual?

an anecdotal explanation about what being aroace means to me. part 2. technically. both can be standalone. but you should read part one because i enjoy being a chatterbox.

this is not proofread.

so. i finally figure out that i am asexual. yipeee! once the sex aspect is out of the way, i can finally persue relationships without any expectations of sex, right? wrong.

i have a long and not too complicated dating history, featuring many e-relationships and two week infatuations.

going back to the early days of fifth grade. i attended a catholic school, and everyone was starting to reach the age where crushes are a new and fascinating occurrence. of course, i don’t know how many ten year olds had true crushes, but they CERTAINLY said they did.

and so, naturally, i needed one too. i picked a boy in my class, joesph, and told my classmates when i was asked. i did not know him well, and he knew i had this “crush” on him, but he didn’t like me and i never actually asked him out, so that was that.

i got my first boyfriend the summer before 7th grade. we attended a jewish sleep away camp, and were part of the same group for leading our unit’s shabbat service. we had the same hairstyle, the only difference being that the top of his hair was dyed red, the top of mine was dyed blue.

this was a preppy camp. we stood out, and thus our relationship was born. a girl approached me and asked if i would date “brendan”. i did not know who brendan was, we met two days before. she described him as “the boy with the red hair”.

it was middle school, and so i said yes. a day later, he asked me out. we dated for that summer until the next one.

the relationship was incredibly 7th grade of us. we hugged, had a pre-planned “kiss” under the fireworks on the last night of the camp session. it was gross, but short. i could now say i had had my first kiss.

he broke up with me due to bullying the next summer, but then after two days of drama, we started dating again. we broke up for good around december or january of 8th grade, over text. he wasn’t going to camp next summer, so we would not see each other again without planning it.

during our first break-up, i was upset, but mostly because i was insulted by the reason behind it. i did not have any strong feeling about break up #2.

i had more relationships between the end of 8th grade and my senior year of high school, but that would be the fastest way to send you all to sleep.

and so. i take you to my two most recent relationships. May 2022 - August 2022, and April 2023 - May 2023

the first one was a girl from a community theater show i was doing. she was snow white, and i was her prince. we became fast friends, and ended up dating. we were together for months, talked daily. we hugged, and sat in bed, holding each other while watching movies. we did not kiss. we did not even attempt to initiate anything more than hand holding.

she broke up with me in august. i was upset at the prospect of us not being together, but the only thing i remember thinking was “there is nothing we did that we cannot do as friends”. of course, it is difficult to rebound from dating, especially long distance as we were. we ended on good terms, but no longer speak to each other.

after her was my ex from the last post. we began dating after months of infatuation. he broke up with a girl for me, i magically made the “crush” that i thought i had on my best friend vanish the second i realized that he may actually show any form of interest in me.

eventually, that too ended. i enjoyed the hugging, cuddling, and closeness. i hated kissing, and the expectations of what i was supposed to be feeling within the relationship.

i did not immediately begin identifying as aromatic, but this is when i first began to entertain the idea.

life went on.

i started college, and met many amazing friends. as is usual for first semester freshman year, people began to get in relationships, and the whole question of “should i try for one?” comes up.

i decided against it, as none of my friends were romantic candidates for me. i know, i know. it’s weird to think of people that way. however, that’s how almost every other relationship i’ve had started.

we became fast friends, and happened to have compatible genders/sexualities to date. and so we did.

it started to dawn on me: what was the difference between my romantic partners and my close friends? the two largest factors are the duration of time we were close, and the amount of physical contact we had with each other.

in my prior romantic relationships, we became close quickly, or became much closer as we started to enter the “talking stage”. the longest i’ve known someone before getting into a relationship with them was a year and a half, and we were much more distant and did not hang out too often before the dating part.

as for physical intimacy: we started hugging/holding hands/being comfortable with each other before dating, but used it as a sign that we should start a relationship?

i suppose that is where i stand right now.

i am unsure of what the difference in my current best friends are, and what my relationships used to be. i am very physically affectionate, and i enjoy it. i also became close to people fast, thanks to meeting them at college. the biggest change? my two best friends are a lesbian and an arospec who is also out of my age range, dating wise.

there is no room for romantic interpretation.

once none of my friends could be potential partners, it felt like a relief. i don’t have to figure out if they like me or not, and if i “like” them back. we can just be friends.

i don’t want people to have crushes on me. all of mine were deliberately chosen, and that is not the way i feel “romance” should be.

looking back, i have lost many good friendships to the pitfall that is dating. and why? i never have found anything more fulfilling than my close platonic friendships. romantic relationships were always just adding a degree of exclusivity i never could live up to, since i cared for my closest friend and partners in the exact same way.

what is romance? i truly do not know.

however, i do know some things:

i love my friends

i enjoy spending time with my friends

i do not need exclusivity to be valued

not attempting to date has led to my platonic relationships being more fulfilling and wonderful than they were when i constantly had to compare them with what the “line” between romance and friendship was.

of course, i don’t speak for everyone. you may relate to my experience, and be alloromantic. you may understand me, but think this is some sort of polyamorous “i’m in love will all my friends but am in denial because i know they won’t like me back.”

it doesn’t matter, because i know who i am. despite having a dating history, i identify with the label that allows me to describe myself as clearly as possible.

this post is getting long, i’m sure i’ll be back shortly!

all the best,

mattisaroace

[deathsbestgirl]

dana scully

birthdate: february 23, 1964

birth time: 4:04 am (i made this up)

birthplace: annapolis, md

sun: pisces

(think about scully's ability to mask & why she followed mulder <3)

(consider little green men when her student tells her she sounded spooky. she's definitely someone with some daily routines because it helps her regulate. i think, at times, her religion is part of that for her too.)

moon: cancer

(you can't tell me this isn't what her & mulder are all about. like in fire, mulder tells her a little bit about phoebe, he keeps it very vague. she repeats it back to him the way she understood it, she's completely right about how horrible she is, and he knows. the way she digs with him in paper hearts. the way she holds him when his mother died & tells him what he needs to hear. even the way, at the end of conduit, she listens to his regression tapes.)

rising: capricorn

(i think this is so self explanatory, it actually makes me ache)

mercury: aquarius

(is this not the perfect description of scully? i know we ususally talk about how mulder sees everything & understands everything, but i think scully does too. she just tends to ignore or repress it or something a lot of the time. ALSO the way she communicates sometimes is so clear, and others she may as well be speaking martian. that intellectual distance thing.)

venus: aries

(upending gender norms and how fiercely she protects mulder. her always professional look. also lends to the idea that scully's childhood was not as positive as we're lead to believe. probably not abusive, but she's the third child of four in an irish catholic navy family. lollll)

mars: pisces

(to me, this is why people think she could have climbed the ladder & would have if not for mulder & the x files. she adapts, can put on the mask, play nice, but it doesn't leave for room for dana/scully to exist. it's part of the conflict in never again. it's part of she's "always the strong one" -- she's that for mulder, she tries to be everything for mulder. but no one can be everything and it didn't leave room for her to vulnerable. she learns that over time, but it was a struggle. 'the hub of her community' also makes me think of s8&9 when mulder is gone. they all put her at the center, and she let them. but to her, mulder was the heart of it.)

saturn: aquarius

(included saturn because she's a capricorn rising so it's her ruling planet. and of course it's about rebelling and systems!! she genuinely does understand, she sees how differently men & women are treated, how people with disabilities are treated/misunderstood. she treats mulder well but she quickly learns how others treat him and instantly becomes so protective & defensive of him. and the thing is, this isn't about rebelling at all. it's about understanding the world & its systems, and rejecting them. scully was born to break the mold, and she finally gets to do that freely with mulder & the x files.)

mc: scorpio

(scully was meant to be on the x files. he will find the truth, and she'll be right there beside him when he does. the way she tries to help her former student with the case, understanding the "boys club" mentality that makes it much more difficult for women to be taken seriously. also...scully doesn't seek out community very often, it's more like she lets it happen. and she builds it around mulder, even if doggett & reyes are there for *her*)

chiron: pisces

(chiron is known as "the wounded healer" and this just seems like the crux of her journey. she gives herself so wholly to mulder, therefore the x files. and it seems she may have done this in the past, but there was something that made her leave. i think with mulder, after time, she learns and starts to heal, and she doesn't have to sacrifice herself the same way she has before. think about her love letters in memento mori & season 9.)

aspects

(aspects delve into how your placements interact. pluto aspecting the moon is called a hades moon. which i might make a separate post about)

thanks for reading!! all of this is from the chani app, i had nothing to do with it. i only added some thoughts after the pictures <3

[the-owl-tree]

PLEASE tear into moth flight's vision i am so interested in hearing ur thoughts about it

look at the time the fandom hyped up dotc so hard i got my hopes up and i vehemently hate this arc because of it. it is a hotbed of misogyny, ableism, shitty characters who are never portrayed to be wrong, abuse apologia, fatphobia, and did i mention the misogyny? like wow. they fucking hate women in this arc.

and i'll be honest when i went i first read moth flight's vision, i was already going in with a negative view because i hated dotc so fucking much...and i hated it! I ended up rereading it waaaaayy later and hated it AGAIN i have no clue why people put this arc or era on such a pedestal it sucked ass so bad. i want a written apology and financial compensation from the erins after i read it.

i know im being like a little dramatic but listen to me. i need everyone to hate this arc as much as i do.

Moth Flight's super edition is a mess of ideas, half-baked executions, and honestly...just bad? It doesn't convince the reader why a cat would be pushed to do this. Everything that goes wrong is because a) Moth Flight doesn't ask for help and b) Skystar, despite being redeemed, is a continuous antagonist that fucks over anyone for the sake of the plot.

The book is so afraid of having to deal with an actual redemption that Skystar is allowed to be the reason why Micah and Tiny Branch are killed yet the narrative refuses to foist any responsibility onto him. He's not allowed to be a villain, he's just there to service the plot then walk away scot free. Why? Why am I reading this??? What is the point of 6 books of this guy being an arrogant bloody dick with a half-baked redemption only for him to saunter out to cause problems with the books need it and don't even bother with sticking to him being an antagonist?! Anytime he's on screen I'm begging for someone to kill his ass already, I don't understand why the narratives tries to also push the blame on Moth Flight.

....speaking of her, her entire conflict doesn't work. Look, the idea of an individual problem leading to an entire societal wide change that cause more problems than it solves is interesting but the book doesn't sell it! The Clans are communal, she has tons of options in asking for help. The narrative is constantly patting my back saying see? see? she can't do it therefore it makes sense why she thinks no one can do it. It's an entire book of "how can a WOMAN raise her CHILDREN without her MAN" and the answer it gives us is: she can't :'( and by the end of the book i feel like i've been spit at. There's an overwhelming sense of disdain towards parents who ask for help (how Moth Flight treats Slate is cruel) and all of it is presented as in the right because the entire thesis is that despite living in a literal communal society where there's an entire rank dedicated to looking after children, single parents (read: mothers) are unable to look after children without a partner (read: the husband).

There's nothing wrong with a law being cruel or unfair, it actually adds to the story! It makes things interesting! But her entire story doesn't sell me on why the law was made, it makes me think more and more that the erins are really fucking weird about women (which has been made even more clear by that shitty kits & queens article no i will not let that go). But Moth Flight's conflict sucks ass, I don't buy it, and I feel I'm being shown one thing and told another.

I especially don't get why they didn't go with the obvious reason of having it be for superstitious/religious reasons (this shit is already so catholic, just go even further into the nun thing). Like, okay, here's my pitch of the law: kittens of medics are thought to be more at risk of curses/sickness/etc. Having it so Moth Flight's children share the same fate as other characters who are born to Medics: doomed to a life of suffering or go onto a path of destruction.

It wouldn't be true of course, the reason these children go off the rails is because the Clans expect them to but it would still be interesting!!

and that is my rant on this shitty super edition, thank you for asking :D

[eddiesversion]

steddie as 'the tortured poets department' songs #1

so, i had some ideas while listening to ttpd... some songs just screamed steddie so i wrote some short stories! forgive any mistakes, it's 6am and i still haven't slept because my brain wouldn't stop working. hope someone likes it! ♡

eddie grew up in hawkins; he only knows conservatism. father, mother, children, church on sundays, perfect family and shit. theoretically. he knows better. as an closet homossexual but active in hawkins' hidden community, he has seen some things, he knows things, and probably done a thing here and there but this is another level. wanting steve harrington, longing for steve harrington, loving steve harrington is another level.

you would think that being accused of murder, chased by an entire town, hunted by a psychopath from another dimension and be almost eaten by bats would be the most difficult challenge of a young man's but the reality is that nothing is more challenging than steve harrington and his damn tight shorts that he (fortunately) only wears at home when the party gathers at the harringtons' rich, private pool. it takes everything in eddie not to fly into those firm thighs and perfect ass of his friend (it's still surreal to refer to 'king steve' as a friend even months later... for several reasons) or to kiss all the freckles on his back. he's not religious but he prays every time he looks at steve to make it through another day without slipping up and confessing how much he loves every mole, every freckle, and how he would mark steve on each one of them to show those fuckers in this godforsaken town that no one would ever have the privilege of having this angel again because steve is his and eddie is completely, literally, 100% indisputably his forever and ever.

sometimes they flirt. i mean, he thinks they do. if steve isn't dodging his touches (and eddie touches him A LOT), laughing at eddie's -not always so good- jokes even when they're not high, or returning a flirting back as a joke, sometimes accompanied by pink cheeks or eye contact until steve looks away, is an indicator. if he doesn't overthink, he can really believe that these moments are real outside his head, in the real world. he can believe that when steve lays his head on his shoulder while they smoke in comfortable silence after a day of work and they just want to rest, or after they wake up from a nightmare and meet because they find comfort in each other and don't need to speak a word about it or when steve looks at his chest a little too much while applying sunscreen on pool afternoons, that steve wants him as much as he wants steve.

when eddie lays his head on the pillow, he knows how horrible it was to spend another day letting himself believe he'd have a chance with steve. the voices of the townspeople screaming in his head that it's obvious the town's freak would be queer and have a crush on hawkins' sweetheart with the most catholic upbringing possible, with a house, a perfect wife and children waiting for him in the future. could he be more pathetic? sometimes he touch himself despite this.

he comes thinking about the taste of steve's lips

the flavor that his neck's skin must have

the sounds he would make (and he has to admit that he pays a lot of attention to every little noise steve makes)

the twin scars they both have

how 'i love you' would sound in his voice

many nights he sleeps crying but this time the monster is scarier than any monster from the upside down. it's love.

[luna-gerblanski]

I never understood introductions until now, so here mine goes, a few months late!

Salutations, I’m Luna, pleasure to be meeting everyone! Here’s a bit about me

Me? Oh, I’m very autistic. And I mean the definition of why autism and ADHD make whatever creature I am. I am asexual and aromantic, and I am he/him despite the name “Luna” which I go by!

Like I said, I’m very autistic, also ADHD, ODD, OCD, yeah yeah you get the point, all those neurological disorders and diagnoses blended together make me, a psychopath and friendly creature! (I consider myself as)

I’m 21+, my blog contains swears and references to sex (the slightest references, it’s a subject I try to talk about the least.) I welcome everyone here! Except those who are against the LGBTQ+ community, and all you white supremacy people can go fuck yourselves!

See, we welcome practically everyone here!

A bit more about me is I really like cats, I love South Park and my very favorite characters are Jimbo and Ned! I could yap about them all day. I also love Hazbin Hotel, my very favorite FAVORITEE character from Hazbin Hotel is Alastor! I could yap about anything all day! Oh and, an important thing about me is that I’m not good at wording things, you may get the wrong impression from my words!

Also, I love drawing a lot, it’s one of my favorite things in the world. I love math and science and school, I’m not really good in social but I find my way!

I really hope that I put some smiles or ideas onto people! Good ones, that is of course!

My favorite color is Navy Green, I am very much Roman Catholic- speaking of religion, I’m gonna be religious for a slight moment and say, god bless you! I try not to talk about religion, I don’t wanna upset anyone or get people against me. Also, I am in school still by choice, I do chemical engineering classes! Chemicals and science, including math just fascinate me, they always have!

I also do have PTSD, so please be gentle on certain subjects. One of the subjects I’d be okay with sharing awareness about is pit bulls, the dog breed. It may not seem a big deal, but theirs often a lot of conversation about them. I’m not gonna say much about this, but every time I’ve had an interaction with pit bulls never ended well (twice) I’m not gonna get into it much, but let’s try and avoid that topic, hmm?

Well, I also would be glad to take art requests! I’m not too talented, but I love making people art!

I’d also be glad to try and remake any art if asked, and also I don’t give or take money, don’t ask me to buy or sell stuff, for a lot of reasons! I would love to do roleplaying too if theirs certain limitations, stuff like that to keep it under control.

Also, I’m fine with political conversations, as long as they don’t get too out of hand! And they mustn’t be hate speech toward anyone, it shall stay respectful!

Well, you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! Now you know more about me than most of my family! Have a good day, fellow Tumblr users!

Anymore questions? Ask me! I’ll answer anything I’m comfortable with gladly!