#i like take me to church. obviously. but my friend made me a playlist to prepare me

[liesyousoldme]

have tickets for a hozier concert next weekend that was supposed to be a date when we bought them but now we’re just friends. trying so hard to like hozier music. trying so hard. being so brave about it

[smoooothoperator]

Beautiful Stranger

10: Ready Or Not

Driver! Lando Norris x OC (Lily Barton)

Summer love, strangers to friends to lovers, Greece and Greek mythology references

Words: 2.7k

warnings: Lily's pov, handritten and falshbacks in italics

Masterlist

Official playlist

previous part | next part

a/n: hello guys!! I'm warning you, the next chapter will be the last one of the story! (not including the epilogue, obviously). I hope all of you like this chapter even if for me seems boring, love you all❤️

Every type of feedback is very welcomed

She was broken.

The moment she heard the knocks on her front door she knew he was leaving. Leaving forever.

No matter how much pain he gave her, no matter if he lied to her. She fell in love with the person that shared those days with her. She should forgive him, right? Give him a second chance and let him explain.

But how? How can she do that? Why is it so hard to control her emotions? 

Logan, or Lando, whoever he is, lied to her. It's not funny when someone lies to you. But when that person knows everything about you, all your fears and deepest secrets, the trust is gone so quickly.

And that's what happened to her. She trusted him enough to let him sleep on her bed, to let him take showers in her bathroom, to have a bath with her. Enough trust to give herself to him.

And now she's standing in the middle of her apartment, with cushions and blankets on the floor, balls of paper ripped off of her sketchbook with portraits of him. 

"How could you?" she mumbled, looking at the first draw she ever made of him. Those eyes staring back at her, this time with a mocking gaze. "Why…"

She spent that day in her bedroom, under the blankets trying to find some comfort and emotional support. 

But the pictures on her phone weren't helping at all. All the memories coming back while watching them, those weren't helping at all.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed excitedly, walking closer to one of the pillars of the ruins. "We are in Delfos!"

She was looking around, like a kid in a candy store, and he took pictures of her. He took pictures of her smile and how her eyes were bright while looking at all those ruins.

"I only see broken things" he joked, making her slap his arm softly.

"Just imagine it" she said, pointing around. "It just gives me shivers thinking about it"

"You are so cute" he chuckled, kissing her temple. "Come on, take a picture with me"

She sighed, locking her phone and leaving it on the other side of the bed. 

She took a deep breath, feeling how the wave of sobs started again. Her brain was punishing her for trusting someone like him, making her remember all the moments she had with him, all the moments she started to fall harder and harder for him.

Logan was a liar and she loved him. 

Lily tried to love before. To fall in love with her fiance, or even like him. That man was good with her, he didn't deserve to be left alone in that church, without a wife and with all their family laughing at him.

"Liliane, would you like to go out for dinner with me?" Adrian asked her, walking inside her apartment. "Come on, get ready"

"Adrian… I really don't want to go outside" she sighed l, closing her book and leaving it on the coffee table. 

"Then I'll make you something and we'll have dinner here" he nodded. "I saw you have a nice wine around, maybe I can make something and we can open it"

She took a deep breath, looking at the man. How can someone like him accept what his parents did? He's 26 years old and she's 23, how can someone accept something like that just to make their parents happy? What type of parents are them? 

"Alright" she nodded. "What are you going to make?"

"Well… I heard that you love Greece" he said. "And casually one of my coworkers' customer is the owner of one of the most famous Greek restaurants in London"

"The Andromeda?" she gasped. "No way, that's one of my favorite restaurants in London!"

"I know, that's why I asked if I could have the recipe of their most famous dish" he said, showing her the screen of his phone.

"That's… that's awesome, Adrian" she smiled softly, visibly touched by the gesture he had with her. 

"So yeah, continue reading whatever you were reading while I cook our dinner" he nodded.

Adrian was a handsome man, someone that has all the girls of the company behind him. But she wasn't jealous. She didn't see him that way, she couldn't see herself being in love with him even if she tried.

She blames the karma for everything that is happening to her. If only she tried to be how her parents wanted her to be, or accept her destiny and marry a man she couldn't love.. if she didn't abandon her family, none of this would be happening.

She was heartbroken, knowing that she was having an inner fight, wanting to get up from her bed and go talk with him or just ignore him until he leaves the next day.

The first half hour was easy. She only had to close her eyes and take deep breaths, ignore the noise of her surroundings and focus on her heartbeat. 

But again, memories with his face on it came back.

"Lily!" he giggled, getting out of the water of the sea and running towards her.

"Don't you dare! No! Logan!" she exclaimed, knowing that he was going to hug her with his body wet from the water. "Stop it!"

"Come on, let's cool down a little" he chuckled. "You are too hot. And I'm not saying it because you are hot and sexy. If I out an egg on your thigh I bet it would fry"

"You are exaggerating" she laughed, rolling her eyes.

"Come to the water with me, come on" he asked her, kissing her shoulder. "It's really nice"

"I was tanning, Logan" she sighed, sitting on the towel.

"And you can continue that later" he smiled. "Come on, are you the same Lily that the same day you had your ankle bandaged, needed to be in the water and fell to the floor of the bathroom? Or the one that literally dragged me out of my apartment to take you to the beach?"

"Oh, and you loved doing that" she smiled, pecking his lips. "Didn't you?"

"Of course I did" he chuckled. "And I loved every minute of that and what came next"

She felt tears again, making her close her eyes hard and gasp while opening them again and sit on the bed.

She heard that love comes with pain, but never imagined it could be that painful.

She doesn't know when she fell asleep, thinking it wasn't possible after what happened, but the knocks on the front door were the reason she woke up.

She heard him. His voice was sad, it didn't sound the same as the previous days. 

Lily wanted to open the door, to ask him to stay and never leave. But it was for the best, for both of them. She wanted to tell him so many things, ask him so many things… but her body wasn't helping at all, staying still on the door of her bedroom.

She saw the paper slipping through the door, making her breath get stuck in her throat and her heartbeat increase. She was battling her own body to walk towards the door, wanting to see him one last time. But her body wasn't cooperating.

Maybe she has to forget him. Maybe it's a sign her own body is sending her. Her brain and heart were having an argument, her angel and demon were fighting on her shoulders.

"Why would you want to go to him? He lied to you! He deserves your hate and your silence" her mind and demon groaned.

"You love him, Lily. And he just said he loves you. Everyone deserves a second chance" her heart and angel argued back.

"No" she frowned, looking at the paper. She wants to pick it up, to read it. Maybe it has the answers she's been searching for.

"He hurt you, Lily" her demon said. "Burn that thing. Rip it off. He doesn't deserve your pardon"

Her body was working. Her legs were taking her to the door, letting her grab the paper. It was like her body was being controlled by cords, she was a ragdoll.

"Please, Aphrodite" she mumbled.

She believes in love. She always wanted to find someone who loves her no matter what. Someone who would give her everything she needed and deserved. 

And he, Logan, gave her everything.

Ignoring the paper, she opened the door hoping to find him there, waiting for her.

But there was no one waiting. 

"Fuck" she mumbled, looking down and closing the door.

The paper remained untouched and ignored for days. All her answers were there, and still, she didn't want to read them. Every time she walked out of her apartment she stepped on that letter. 

"Kalimera, Lily" Nora smiled weakly at her. "How are you feeling?"

She looked at the woman in front of her, watching her sad smile directed to her. She knows what happened.

"Good" she lied. 

"Lily…"

"No, really. I'm good" she nodded. "I’m really good”

“How many times will you repeat that you are good? Are you doing that to convince yourself?” Nora sighed, placing her hand on her shoulder and squeezing it softly. “You don’t have to lie to me, kid”

“I just…” she sighed, feeling how her shoulders got heavier. “He lied to me, Nora… he made me fall in love and believe his lie from the start. You know me. You know that I don’t like lies…”

“Was it really a harmful lie?” the woman asked, grabbing the chair next to her and sitting on it. “You know why he did that?”

“It doesn’t matter. He lied” she mumbled.

“It does matter. He’s famous. You know how that life is, you know how it is being the daughter of someone that has an important name” she said. “You came here to escape, just like him”

“But that’s not a reason to lie! To tell me that he’s a person he’s clearly not”

“You are being selfish here, Liliane” Nora said, making her flinch when she heard her birth name. “You came to this town escaping from your life, making everyone believe that you are someone you are not. Tell me this, kid. Do you keep that ring you came with? Do you still have the money your parents gave you?”

“Nora…”

“No. This is my time to talk” the old woman interrupted her. “You came to Parga the same day of your wedding. You came to this town with things from your previous life and locked them in a wardrobe. You know you can’t hide from f¡your past forever, Liliane”

“Stop calling me that name…” she mumbled.

“It’s your name. Can’t you see? You came here and did the same thing he did! You changed your name and made everyone believe your lies” she frowned. “That guy loves you. That guy came here all days asking how to make your favorite dishes, which places he should take you. That guy called to check if there weren’t any paparazzi around because he didn’t wanted to expose you two because he knew that sooner or later someone would find him”

“I didn’t ask him to do any of that!”

“Exactly! He did that because he loved you! He loves you! Did you read the letter? Did you read the emails?”

“W-what emails?” she frowned.

“I gave him your email address”

“Nora!”

“Lily, please. I want you to be happy, he made you happy” Nora sighed holding her hands. “Just give him a chance”

Lily sighed, getting up and getting ready to work, trying to get distracted and not look at her phone.

If he sent her emails, why not send her a text? Oh, right… because they never exchanged their numbers.

Summer finished. And then autumn came. 

She read his letter a month later, having to grab it after receiving a package with his name on it. 

The moment she opened the box, his perfume invaded the apartment, knowing that he sprayed it on the clothes inside of it.

She sighed, grabbing the baby blue hoodie and hugging it. It definitely smells like him.

"Idiot" she whispered, breathing the scent of the material. 

A card caught her attention, making her sigh when she recognized his handwriting.

My amazing Lily,

I hope you like this hoodie. I read that the cold in Greece comes late, but I know that you like to wear hoodies no matter the weather outside. 

I hope next time we meet you wear this hoodie. 

I miss you.

I love you.

Yours,

Lando.

She sighed, tracing the handwriting with her fingertips. She remembers how he used to write on her notebooks, trying to copy the words she wrote in Greek.

She imagined how he looked while writing this letter, how he could be biting his lip, how he could shrug his nose.

The day she received the box, she read his letter and emails, making her wonder how he's doing, how is his life without her.

She wanted to answer, write to him and call him. But there was something stopping her. 

What was it? Fear? Maybe… Anger? No. 

Pain. The knife of betrayal was still buried on her chest and everytime she read about him, it slipped deeper and deeper. 

Maybe his life is better without her. Maybe she was only a summer fling for him. Maybe he doesn't need her anymore.

That's what she thought while opening her email app, not finding news about him. 

Maybe… maybe he forgot about her.

He went from writing all weeks to write only once a month. Even if he said that he loves her, she feels alone, not loved anymore.

Maybe she should write to him. Maybe she should ask why he doesn't write to her anymore. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe…

Maybe she deserves this, all the torture and the pain. Because Nora was right: she's a liar too.

What she considered her home was now a torture room, making all the memories of them come back to her. The town she loved was now the stage where ghosts of them danced in synchrony, making her remember that he's no longer with her.

Everytime she walked through that street she could remember the first time he saw him, making her feel goosebumps on the ankle she injured.

Everytime she went to that private beach she could remember all the times they nearly kissed, how he confessed that he was dying to kiss her, searching for orange shells and talking about nothing. Now she looks around trying to find those shells as a way of having him close to her again.

This place holds too many memories of him, of someone that is no longer hers.

Maybe she has to leave and find a new home, a new place, and start from zero. Be herself, Liliane Barton. 

She called him immature. But how wrong was she, when the immature here was herself, living on a lie she created even if she escaped from one. She never wanted to be what her parents asked her to be. She thought that she could be like those women from the tales her babysitter read to her when she was a kid. She thought she could be brave and strong, a fighter everyone could respect.

But to be fair, she's still being a little girl that wants to escape from the real world.

"Mature, you idiot" she groaned looking at herself in the mirror. 

She tried to find somewhere to go. Somewhere to settle down and act like the adult she is. A home, a job… whatever she needed.

"What if he comes back?" Nora asked her with a sad smile, grabbing the keys of the apartment. "What if he's searching you?"

"Will he?" she smiled weakly. "Do you really think he will come? I don't think so… he stopped writing, Nora. Even if I wrote to him once he never replied. I'm the past…"

"Oh, Lily…"

"Liliane" she corrected her. "I learned my lesson. No more lies"

"I'm proud of you, little girl" she smiled, hugging her. "But… I'm sure he will come"

"Then if he does that you know what to do" she whispered, hugging the woman that was like a mother to her one last time, pulling away and grabbing her suitcase.

When she came for the first time to that town, dressed with a summer dress and her hair styled as a bride, she was a scared girl.

But now, dressed with a red hoodie and the name of the eSports team of someone she still loves on it, she feels free.

This time she's free.

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster8 @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow @celestialpierre @ophcelia @msliz @lorarri @ironmaiden1313 @imsorare @mycenterfold @im-an-overthinker @soosheee @karmabyfernando @landoyesrizz @sticksdoesart @beatricemiruna @nonameishere @flwr-stella

[roses-and-lightnings]

I was tagged by my darling @lizzy0305

I did something similiar recently but I absolutely don’t mind doing it again and getting into some depth! 

Three ships

Snarry (Snape x Harry) - Obviously. Do I even have to mention it? It’s the literal air that I breathe. It’s my soul fuel. Getting into some depth, I wasn’t really aware this ship existed until 2019, when a friend casually mentioned it to me and rec some fics. My life has never been the same since. THE PLOT! THE ANGST! THEIR BURNING CHEMISTRY! THE AMAZING FLEXIBILITY OF THEIR DYNAMICS! THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE! THE ULTIMATE HARRY POTTER FIX-IT!! Snarry held me up when I was going through the most dreadful of times, made me meet some incredible people and have some really good times. It brought me comfort and joy and some pain too. It’s a mark in me that made me realize just how much I love HP. It made me grow as a person and as a reader and writer.

Remisa (Rem x Misa) -  I define myself by my obsessions, and Death Note was definetly a marking phase for me. I watched Death Note first in 2017 when I had just begun high school. I kind of made a name between my friends AND teachers for being so obsessed with this anime. And amongst it, there was my crippling addiction to the lesbian death godess and her unrequited love story with the goth bimbo. And the musical about it. I am a completely sucker for all that bittersweetness that's so underrated it's criminal. The DN plot literally couldn't exist without them.

Ranmasaki - (Kirino x Kariya) - Before I knew tropes were a thing and didn’t know much english, this was my first enemies to lovers. Inazuma Eleven GO is a very important part of my early life. Those two clicked together so perfectly I remember it being my first yaoi obsession after I got rid of internalized homophobia. A while later, I published my first fanfic ever. It’s so bad I can’t even read it nowadays and I was awfully young (11) to be posting mature content. I don’t think I even fully understood what sex was that time. But it was my first step into becoming a writer. They made my happiest memories while I was going through hell as a middle schooler and take great part in my history.

First ever ship

I mean I shipped a lot of Disney tragic couples as an infant, but when I actually understood shipping and yaoi and fandom stuff, my first ship was Gouenji x Fubuki from Inazuma Eleven. Again, IE is my childhood. And I realized I loved it when I first read a comic dub in youtube. That led to me getting into yaoi anime. And I was a homophobic kid by association at that time. You must imagine my shock when I figured I liked a gay couple. This ship made me a very confused 10 year old and some time later and got me out of church.

Last Song

I was vacuuming the house to a Demi Lovato playlist. Last one was Warrior.

Last Film

Haven’t watched anything after My Policeman.

Currently Reading

Loveless by Alice Oseman. But not really. I just read a few chapters and completely forgot I was reading it :’)

Currently Consuming

Pão de queijo (a brazilian iguary) with cream cheese and mango juice.

Currently Craving

Minecraft. I am obsessed.

I’m tagging @mrviran, @icarus-aetius and @danpuff-ao3 ❤️️❤️️

[toorumochi]

KaruShuu OTP Questions

Ah- I created ehhh 4?? I suppose KaruShuu head-canons posts today but do I regret it? Absolutely not, I loved it. So here you go, have another one, don't be shy, read it.

Also, please keep in mind that these head-canons are completely made up by me in a way of that it's just how I would see it sksksk also here, KaruShuu would be probably adults?? Also married??

Anyways, enjoy~ 🌸

Who is the most affectionate? Sinceee they got married, I'm sure the longer into the relationship, the more they have opened up to each other? Karma would be the type to wake up first in the morning and kiss Shuu good morning, but since Shuu is an early bird, he would wake up before Karma and make breakfast for him. Thats how he shows affection ❤️🧡

Most common argument? Sad to think that they NeEd to argue 🙄💅 but oh well- I thinkkk they would argue over super silly things. For example what to watch (If you have read my previous head canons, you will know what I mean by 'Shrek Marathons'):

"Let's watch something"

"Sure, what do you have in mind?''

Karma would just grin over to Shuu and Shuus eyes would widen, "Hell no"

"Absolutely ye-"

"Karma don't you dAR-"

They ended up watching (again for the 12 time this week) Shrek.

Who apologizes first? Karma apologies fly out of his mouth faster than they stop arguing. Karma would rather apologize than not let them talk for the next few hours.

Favorite (non-sexual) activity to do together? They enjoy getting massage! Ifff KaruShuu was too lazy to go out to get a professional massage for a few hours, they would do it to each other. (It usually ends with them making out later on but I'll delete that part)

Who is most likely to carry the other? Karma would carry Shuu ❤️😩 Ugh bridal style to embarrass him 💀💅

Nicknames?

For Karma, by Shuu: Tamponhead (I used this one in my fanfic and I will forever love it), Moron, Karma. Tbh, I don't think neither like these pet-names or nicknames since that think they are 'cringy'.

Tho, Karma has quite a few: Shuu (Main, he doesn't use 'Gakushuu' but when he does, Shuu melts lol), Pumpkin, Orange, pumpkin pie, Strawberry shortcake (bc he loves strawberries so why not call Shuu one 😌🤚🏻), Sugar cube (Idk I think it's cute, tho I don't know if that's even a nickname- 💀💀)

Also a note: They would definitely not use 'baby', 'babe', 'honey' bc- noooo 😩💀

Who proposes? Karma 💅

Who sings along with the radio? Karma would sing along but he is horrible at singing and Shuu makes him KNOW it by him singing and Karma shuts up but finds it hilarious at the same time.

Who worries most? Both do, depending on the situation. Shuu would be worried about stuff like paying taxes or things like that, meanwhile Karma is worried for Shuus health, if he is eating enough as well as getting enough sleep every night. Shuu is a hardworking bee after all ✨

Who always wants to take selfies with the other? Karma wants to, for example they are traveling somewhere for vacation and Karma wants to take as many pics as possible with his husband so he can later on put them into an album ❤️😩 (KaruShuu as a married couple >>>>)

Who likes to playfully tease the other? Ohhh~ Karma teases Shuu all the time, but there are times where Shuu would feel playful so he would tease back

Who has the weirdest taste in their music? Karma I'm begging you- his music taste changes every week and road trips are a disaster for Shuu

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant? Karma remembers because Shuu is always ordering the same things since he is minimalistic lol but Karma is a living chaos when it comes to food so Shuu can't remember it all.

Who is embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the other? Lmao no matter for how long they are already together, no matter if they are married, no matter how many times they had done it, Shuu would be the one to be embarrassed about it every time.

Who tops? ...Okay so here, personally as someone who writes Fanfics, Karma tops. Always. I just- I just can't imagine Shuu as a top?? my friends gave me some really valid reasons for Shuu to be a top but I just can't see it 😩

Who initiates kisses? Both I guess? But mostly Karma

Who reaches for the other's hand first? Oooo here an example! If they are driving in the car, and Karmas hand is free, Shuu usually reaches for it but as soon as Karma needs it to drive, he has to let go. Or if they are in the cinema - Shuu would definitely hold onto Karmas hand the whole time - as comfort, since they usually watch Horror movies together so yea 😌

Who kisses hardest? Who is most ticklish? Both is Karma, but when it comes to tickling, even tho Karma is more ticklish, he is also stronger than Shuu so he can easily pin him down and tickle him, just for the sake to see Shuu giggle which kills him bc God damnit isn't he adorable?

Who brings an animal they found home? Lol depends on the animal. I would say Karma is a cat person and Shuu is a dog person b u t Shuu is allergic to cats so they can't have cats. But I think if Karma would be the one to bring an animal home, it would be a dog.

Who holds the umbrella for the other when it's raining? Karma's shoe laces often get untangled, so when Karma bends to tie them, Shuu stands over him with an umbrella to keep the rain from pouring on him.

Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public? Karma 😭

Who kills the scary bugs? Oh lemme tell you about this one:

Shuu HATES bugs, since he always had the feeling of his father having a bunch of centipedes around himself whenever he acted manipulative and so on so he hates them. So one time when Shuu was taking a shower, and Karma was in the kitchen, Shuu suddenly screeched so Karma went to check on him. He walked onto a Shuu, covering himself with a towel and looking absolutely T E R R I F I E D at the ceiling, stuttering. Karma was hella confused so he looked up and oop here we go, a spider. Karma obv took the spider off the ceiling to free it, but first he had to tease and scare his husband a little by walking towards the shower stall, "Shuu look~ He wants to be friends with you~", the way Shuu screamed at this made almost all of the windows in the apartment break.

Who asks the weird questions at random in the middle of the night? Karma does that on a daily basis, but when Shuu is a little bit drunk, he would ask weird questions to which Karma never has an answer but he jokes around.

Who hogs the blankets? Karma hogs them and Shuu ends up having a cold the next morning 😭

Who wakes up first? Shuu is an early bird, but Karma wakes up first for work.

Who wants to stay in bed just a bit longer? On weekends, they both stay in bed a bit longer to cuddle ❤️💕

Who always makes coffee for the other each morning? Karma makes coffee for Shuu before he leaves for work 🥰

Who cries during certain films or when reading sad books? Lmao Karma cries during Shrek every time the scene comes up where Shrek had an argument with Donkey 😔

Who gets scared during horror films? Shuu 😩😩 He would (as said before) take Karmas hand for comfort

Who tells their friends/family about the relationship first? Lmao none since GakuHOE is well, a hoe so they won't trust him b u t I have the feeling of Karmas mom being actually super supportive?? But they wouldn't tell her, she would just get the hint and then when she receives the wedding invite she goes "oh-".

What do their friends/family think of the relationship? Rio was shipping this since the beginning of middle school aight, she loves it and she even threw a party for them. #IstanRioNakamura

Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them? Karma would ask Shuu to dance obv but Shuu would go along 😩💕

Who cooks best? Karma! And Shuu loves his cooking! :D

Who wears the other's jacket? Shuu is the one to wear long coats, and Karma those thicc jackets. Shuu usually gets super cold even with the coat on, so Karma gives Shuu his jacket on top of the coat lol.

Who uses cheesy pickup lines? Karma- anywhere. Have an example:

"Hey Shuu, could you feel the shirt?", he asked Shuu while they went shopping and Karma wAsN't sure about his T-Shirt choice so Shuu was running his fingers slightly over Karmas chest with the shirt still on and thinking about the material, then Karma went: "Know what it's made of?", and Shuu looked at him and was about to answer him, but Karma was quicker and continued, "Boyfriend material", ObViOuSlY with a grin and Shuu was a gay blushing mess 💅 but then Shuu went along, "What do you mean boyfriend? I can only see Husband material", and tuRNED AWAYYYYY~

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during inappropriate times? AAAA I T H I N K I've written sum like this before- So two things that happened:

KaruShuu were invited to a funereal or sum and pls the church was quiet and stuff but obv Karma had to joke around and he leaned over to Shuus ear and whispered a joke into his ear which made our stubborn Shuu giggle and the church was this close👌 to throw them out lmao

Shuu was at work, and Karma likes to call him randomly, but oh well Shuu picks up and Karma starts to tease him over the phone maybe something very sexual stuff (knowing Karma he would) and Shuu just- he is sitting at his desk and his workers are giving him looks about why is he blushing so much.

Who makes the other laugh most? Karmas jokes always make Shuu laugh, sometimes even cry since they are hilarious.

Who would have to bail the other out of jail? Oh my God- Shuu would have to bail Karma out of jail maybe during college years, but I think Karma would mature a bit more as an adult

What would be their theme song? YOOO- A WHOLE PLAYLIST WOULD BE NEEDED-

Who would sing their child back to sleep? OOO!! Karma would be the type to read stories, but Shuu would sing them to sleep :D

What do they do when they're away from each other? I can imagine that they both have those business trips from time to time, so when they are apart, they FaceTime each other every evening to check on each other. Yes indeed they must stay at fancy hotels for their business trips and they are being served food, but they still check that the other one is eating and sleeping well. Oh and good morning and goodnight texts™️🥰

A headcanon about them that stabs your feels? Oh- oH GOD- That maybe they tend to act very distant at first in their relationships?? Or more cold? For example Shuu, he would not really know nor show much affection to Karma and Karma at first thinking that Shuu doesn't love him at all (which isn't true bc Shuu loves him deeply) but then he after some time figures it out when Shuu opens up to him more.

A headcanon that mends the previous one? That they both after some time spend together, have the opportunities to open up to each other, know each other better as well as find out each others weaknesses and strengths which makes their relationship stronger. I absolutely love them ❤️😩

[miracleonice87]

Begin Again

a Mathew Barzal song fic

a/n: a one shot based on “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift. obviously I don’t own any of Taylor Swift’s music/lyrics! I’m not even a big Swiftie anymore (edited: lol dying bc I wrote that before she released folklore and evermore and sucked me RIGHT back in) but I love her “Red” album and always listen to it in the fall. also, the NYC traffic/parking/location situation in this is purely fantasy BS, lol.

summary: Mat Barzal meets Hayden Parker (fictional) in a coffee shop, and they start something new.

warnings: swearing. talk of a concussion/migraines/weight loss — otherwise, complete and total fluff.

______

With a deep breath, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror hanging near your front door before you left your Brooklyn apartment. You hadn’t worn these heels for several seasons now — he hadn’t liked it when you wore high heels. You had let his opinions — on your clothes, shoes, music, books, movies, and friends — dictate how you lived for too long. You smirked now, admiring how the pointed-toe snakeskin stilettos looked paired with your raw cut black jeans and silky pink blouse. He would’ve hated this look (“too gaudy,” he would have said), which made you love it that much more.

You popped in one AirPod and flipped the inside lock on your door before pulling it closed. You made your way down the hall as the lyrics started to flow.

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range

His horse and his cattle are his only companions...

You fought the urge to roll your eyes thinking about your former flame’s constant unwarranted comments about this classic ballad which often wafted through your apartment from the record player in the living room.

“I don’t get this song — like, is he singing to himself?” he would ask. You never bothered to tell him the real background and meaning — you loved the song, and you got it. You always had.

Emerging from the main entrance of your building, you hummed along to melodies from your favorite playlist, and walked the three or so blocks to your destination. Soon, you were stepping in from the bustle of the street to find solace in an only-slightly less busy coffee shop, one you had come to frequent because of its location — sandwiched within the six blocks between your apartment and the fashion magazine where you were interning this semester.

“Hi, one large double shot mocha, please?” you requested, stepping up after the man in front of you paid for his order. You tapped your AirPod to pause your music, just in time to hear: “Nice shoes.”

You lifted your head and glanced toward the pick-up section of the counter, where a classically handsome man in his twenties stood donning a well-tailored navy blue suit. Your heart lurched in your chest as you realized he was looking straight at you.

“Me?” you inquired softly, just to be sure, as you slipped your bank card back into your wallet. He nodded, smiling. “Yes, you. Nice shoes.”

You bit your lip involuntarily, slowly walking his way to wait on your coffee. “Thanks. You’ve got nice style yourself,” you complimented, and you were surprised by your own boldness in that moment. Something about his confidence made you confident, too. And something about his model good looks seemed unsettlingly familiar somehow.

He extended his hand as you took your position next to him. “I’m Mat,” he greeted. You couldn’t help but smile, nearly breathless from his innate charm.

“Hi, Mat,” you replied, engaging his handshake. “I’m Hayden.”

“Hayden. Pretty name for a pretty girl,” Mat mused, holding onto your hand for just a moment longer than was customary. You knew it was silly — God, was it silly — but you felt yourself blush at his flattery.

“Large Americano,” a barista called out. Mat stepped forward, thanking her and stuffing a bill — you couldn’t help but notice that it was a large one — into the tip jar atop the glass pastry display. He turned back to you as he unfastened the lid and blew gently on his coffee. Another thing you couldn’t help but notice — his perfect pink lips.

“So, Hayden, are you a native New Yorker?”

Hmm, you thought. Why isn’t he running for the door after getting his drink? You decided to play along, feeling more daring than you had in ages.

“I am not,” you confessed. “I’m from Maine, actually.”

“Ah, still an East Coast girl,” Mat remarked with a grin. “I’m from the West — near Vancouver.”

You arched your brows. “Wow, Canadian, huh?” Mat chuckled.

“Born and raised. You know what they say, though: opposites attract,” he commented, hazel eyes piercing into you even as he took a cautious sip from his cup. You studied his face — he seemed more familiar with each word he spoke.

“They do say that, don’t they?” you retorted, skirting his inference. Just then, the barista set your mocha on the counter.

“Thank you so much,” you said, also pushing a tip into the jar, thankful that Mat’s attention was on grabbing a cup sleeve from the island nearby instead of on the much smaller bills you had to offer the staff.

You turned toward the island, too, reaching for the cinnamon. Mat offered you a sleeve as if it was second nature, and you graciously accepted, trying to relax the muscles on your face that seemed to have permanently turned upward into a smile since you’d been in the man’s presence.

Suddenly, you gasped.

“Islanders,” you whispered under your breath as Mat watched you stir your cinnamon into your drink. He froze.

“What?” he asked with a nervous laugh, wondering if he had heard you correctly. Your eyes darted around, making sure no one within earshot was paying attention.

“You play for the Islanders. Right?” you asked softly. He nodded, silent, ducking his head a bit; you began to backpedal.

“Oh, God... I didn’t mean - I, uh... I promise I’m not like a hockey fangirl, or anything,” you choked out, cheeks flushed. Your hands started to shake slightly as you replaced the lid on your to-go cup. “I just, uh, my brother. My brother played hockey. He always talked about you, and, uh, I just realized that that’s why I recognized you.” You winced.

“This... this isn’t as weird as it sounds, I swear,” you insisted. “It’s just that, my brother played in the Q. He was good, and, uh, I knew about all the other good hockey players, because of him.”

Mat’s demeanor had quickly changed — from slightly uncomfortable to giddy. He was smirking at you while you sputtered, taking a sort of masochistic pleasure in watching you squirm. His grin was infectious.

“What’s your last name?” he asked when you finally stopped talking. “Parker,” you responded, the two of you stepping away from the island and taking up residence near the front windows of the cafe.

“Parker... Parker,” he repeated. You were distracted by how good your name sounded falling from his tongue. Then, he gasped, too.

“Oh shit, your brother’s Nick Parker? Damn, how’s he doing?”

Your brow quirked as you watched the light flicker on in his eyes when he pieced it together. A National Hockey League star recognized your brother’s name, your name. What the hell was happening?

You cleared your throat, attempting to come back into orbit. “Uh, yeah, he’s good now. He, uh... it was a battle there for a couple years. He had migraines every day for about 16 months... lost a lot of weight. It was... it was tough,” you told him, your voice lowering noticeably. Mat watched you carefully, concern written all over his striking features. It was evident that Mat knew your brother’s story.

Your older brother Nick had been a top 20 prospect in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League as a teen, playing forward for the Halifax Mooseheads. But after a nasty late hit during a playoff game, he had been left with a debilitating concussion and, after a long period of unsuccessful rehab, had been forced to walk away from the game just as he was entering his prime.

Those troubling days hung like a thick, black fog over your family’s history, and you suddenly recalled being 15 again, cross-legged outside Nick’s bedroom door for hours, begging him to let you into the dark room to hold onto him as he cried, both because of the pain and because of the weight of his unrealized dreams. It had taken countless neurologist appointments, physical therapy, and your parents’ unwavering insistence that he regularly see a sports psychologist for him to return to some semblance of normalcy after a long road to recovery.

Now, minus the occasional treatable migraine, Nick was thriving. You beamed at the thought, your well-polished black nail picking at the corner of the cup sleeve on your mocha as you looked back to Mat and continued.

“But he’s finishing law school now, seeing a therapist and keeps himself in great shape, which helps. He’s getting married next summer to this great girl,” you finished, pride swelling in your chest at how far your brother had come. Mat’s eyebrows lifted, his worried expression morphing into elation.

“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Damn, I’m so happy for him. Tell you what, lotta guys wanted nothing to do with him when he was tearing it up. And we were all gutted for him after it happened.” You gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks,” you said softly. “I’ll have to let him know you said that.” Mat nodded, then pressed on. “Maybe I’ll get the chance to tell him myself one day,” he added brazenly, casually taking another sip.

No response came to your brain, so you curled your fingers around your own cup and took a long draw, eyes darting to the activity outside the window, Mat’s never leaving your unsure face.

The church bells chiming from a nearby steeple were the only thing that could pull Mat’s gaze from you, as he checked his large-face Rolex. He seemed angered by the time staring back at him, and he ran his hand aggressively through his hair as his eyes rolled just slightly.

“Listen, Hayden, I hate to do this,” Mat began with a sigh. “But we’ve got a game in Pittsburgh tomorrow night, and the team plane leaves in like half an hour.”

You’re surprised by how deflated you feel in that instant, casting a downward glance at the shoes Mat had complimented only minutes ago, before you’d started feeling like maybe you’d known him your whole life.

A quiet, “Oh,” was all you could muster, still not meeting his eyes.

His hand then came to rest on your upper arm, and it’s only then that you noticed how big it was, long fingers curling easily around your bicep.

“But hey... I’ll be back late tomorrow night. Whaddya say we grab coffee here the next morning? Wednesday. Maybe 8?”

You turned your eyes upward to take in his face. He looked hopeful. He was hopeful that he’d see you again.

You nodded. “I’d love to, Mat. I’ll meet you here.”

Mat beamed, a relieved breath falling from his lips. “Good,” he commented. “I’ll see you then.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek, leaving you reeling when he pulled away.

“Bye, pretty Hayden,” Mat said with a wink before turning and exiting the coffee shop, walking down the block to the Cadillac he’d just unlocked. He was still in sight when he glanced over his shoulder and threw you another breathtaking grin. You smiled back, frozen in place as you watched him drive away.

_____

Mat was going to be late.

At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself at some point within the last 48 hours.

He was either going to be late or he was going to stand you up altogether. So even though you woke up at 5:30 and initially felt the need to rush through your routine to get down to the coffee shop as quickly as possible, you didn’t. You forced yourself to slow down. Because Mat was going to be late. Or, he wasn’t going to be there at all.

So you were surprised when, after throwing on a red chiffon dress with tiny white flowers and a cognac leather jacket, you walked through the coffee shop door at 8:02 and heard, “Hayden!”

Your head snapped up.

At a corner table in the back of the shop was Mat, dressed in a smart grey sweater and distressed black jeans, a silver chain looped around his neck, standing to wave you over with a broad smile across his face.

He came. And he’d arrived before you did.

You walked over to Mat and he embraced you warmly, the two of you exchanging kisses on the cheek. He squeezed your elbow affectionately as you stepped back from him.

“Oh, here. Let me,” Mat said as he pulled your chair out and motioned for you to sit.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, his chivalry catching you by surprise. Once you were seated, he pushed your chair in slightly before taking his place across the table from you.

“I got you a mocha,” he told you, nodding at the cup in front of you. “Double shot, right?”

You nodded. “You’re sweet. Thank you,” you said, the two of you beaming at each other for a moment, lost in a daze.

“So how was the game?” you inquired, pulling you both back to earth. Mat cleared his throat before answering you.

“It was good! We won. It’s usually a tough battle with them but we kinda dominated, which was nice for a change,” he spoke, looking pleased.

“You score?” you asked teasingly as you sipped from your cup.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” he told you with a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his head. “Two goals and an assist.”

Your eyebrows lifted on your forehead. “Mat, that’s amazing! So my brother was right. You are good.”

Mat shook his head, trying to shrug you off.

“Ah, nah. I kinda think it had more to do with a good luck charm I met this week,” he remarked slyly. You licked your bottom lip before biting on it gently. Mat took notice, mirroring your motions as he stared at your lips.

“So, how’s work been this week?” It was Mat’s turn to deflect.

You told him how hectic it had been, with you arriving at the office around 9 and leaving at 6 on the day you’d first met, then departing after 7 yesterday, despite it being only a part-time internship in addition to the five classes you were taking online. He asked about your combination of on-campus and online learning throughout your college career in order to accommodate your dream internships, and he was already in awe of what a hard worker you were.

You pointed out that you weren’t the only one at the table with a crazy schedule, and you asked him how he balanced hockey with his personal life. He answered you easily, launching into stories about his teammates and his family and his friends who all kept him grounded in different ways. There was one name he kept bringing up — Tito. He told you that you’d have to meet him. Before you could hesitate, you said you’d like to. His visage brightened at that answer. He reminded you of sunshine.

He continued to regale you with a vast array of stories, stopping often to ask you questions and invite you to tell him stories of your own. It took a bit of time, but soon you were opening up about your own life — your parents’ recent and shocking divorce after 30 years of marriage, and your struggle with your grandmother’s death last fall.

It wasn’t all dark, though. In fact, most of it wasn’t. You also told him about the crazy theater actor roommate you’d had when you first moved into the city to study fashion at NYU, and how her frightening antics had eventually pushed you into accepting your uncle’s offer to pay for your own apartment in the city, as he was single and childless and had always delighted in spoiling you and your brother. You told him about your only two cousins on your dad’s side, two siblings bracketing you and your brother in age, and how the four of you were more like siblings than cousins. You told a slightly off-color joke at your own expense that most of your friends and coworkers would never laugh at, but it left Mat breathless, throwing his head back with boyish giggles flowing from his mouth like your favorite song. This caught you off-guard — you couldn’t believe he actually seemed to think you were funny. The last one certainly never did.

At some point, the conversation shifted to music. Mat’s jaw dropped when you told him that you own every James Taylor album on vinyl, after he told you that that’s one of his favorite artists of all time. He said he’s never met anyone who has as many James Taylor records as you. You simply shrugged. You explained that you and your mom have seen every tour James Taylor has been on since you were eleven and had started playing guitar. Mat’s eyes went wide — he told you that he dabbles in guitar, too.

After this, you quieted a bit. He noticed. It comes off to him as shyness, but you know what it really is. It’s fear. All at once you realize just how far you’ve let your guard down with this stranger. You’ve only just met this person, yet you have more in common with him than anyone you’ve encountered since moving into the city.

He sensed that something was off, so, in the silence, he reached a hand across the table and took yours in his grasp, stroking the back of it with his thumb. You looked into his mesmerizing eyes, and your hesitance melted.

After several more minutes of easy conversation, you check the time. You need to be at work in ten minutes.

“I’m sorry to be the one to break this up this time,” you started, and Mat sat back, looking understanding though disappointed. “But I’ve gotta get to work. Thankfully, it’s just right down the street.”

“Let me walk you,” Mat quickly insisted. You smirked at him, digging in your purse to find your office key.

“Didn’t you drive here?” you asked, chuckling. He simply shrugged. “Yeah, but if pretty Hayden works just down the street, I might as well walk her to the office and spend a few extra minutes with her,” he told you with a smug grin. You felt your cheeks get hot.

“Sounds good to me,” you admitted quietly. Mat nodded, then rose from his chair, reaching for his wallet to leave another tip.

“Thank you,” you said, putting your hand on his forearm tenderly. “For the coffee. For this.”

He smiled down at you. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

The two of you walked out the cafe door, which Mat pushed open even from behind you. You pointed in the direction of your office building and the two of you fell into step, side by side. Your heart leapt when Mat reaches for your hand. It felt unbelievably natural — which terrified you.

Your recent relationship history flashed through your brain all at once, like a film reel. Your brain screamed, “Slow down!” while your heart whispered, “Relax.” You weren’t sure which to believe. You opened your mouth to bring him up, to give a fair warning, to tell Mat that you might not be ready for... whatever this was.

Then, he started to talk about the movies that his family watches every single Christmas. You weren’t at all sure what had brought that subject to his mind — maybe your earlier questions about his younger sister back in Coquitlam — but you’re grateful for the diversion from your own messy mind. You decided to engage him on that topic instead, rather than bring up your last boyfriend who’d shattered you then walked away.

And for the first time in eight months, you decided to leave what’s past, in the past.

Like a pinball machine, Mat had already bounced to yet another new topic — his practice later this morning. As he finished a story about pranking Tito in the locker room after a skate last week, you bubbled over with giggles. He watched you with admiration and wonder coursing through his entire being. You eventually observed how he was gazing at you, and you sensed that he had something more important to say than his joke on his teammate.

“Hey, so, uh,” Mat started, clearing his throat. Your suspicion had been correct. “What are you doing tomorrow night, after work? We have a home game tomorrow at 7:30 and I, uh, I wanted to see if maybe... you wanted to go? I requested a ticket for you... just in case you want it. If you do... I was thinking maybe we could grab dinner after?”

The sentences Mat spoke seemed to be rolled into one giant question mark. His unwavering self-assurance had seemed to falter slightly for the first time since you’d met him, surprising you. You only needed a moment to consider your answer.

“I’d love to come watch you play,” you told him, wrapping your hands around his upper arm affectionately. You watched him exhale, a smile slowly overtaking his face.

“Thank God,” Mat breathed, making you both burst into hysterics as he leaned his head down to touch yours for a moment.

Bewilderment overcame you as you realized that you hadn’t felt this way about anyone in... you couldn’t even remember how long. You’d thought it might never happen again. That for you, this feeling might just be... gone.

You couldn’t believe that on a Wednesday, in a cafe, you’d watched it begin again.

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

*SHORT SERIES

Part 1: Church

Part 2: Do It For Me

Member: i’ve typed this name so many times in the last two weeks but i’m not tired of it: LEE JUYEON

Genre: SMUT AGAIN BEC WHY NOT

A/N: i really need to consider drinking holy water and bathing myself in it after i’m done with this series i feel like i’ve sinned more writing this than ANYTHING else i’ve ever written

“no mercy”

“am i expecting to be running into you in some random hallway in new york?” lee juyeon calls out to you just as you get into a cab at the airport. 

the sun was shining but the wind was cold, the airport already slightly desolate because everybody who was on your flight was already long gone. you had just been stuck in the building making phone calls to your agent who was supposed to pick you up, but didn’t. 

you turn and let his eyes roam up and down your body with a look you don’t recognise. they looked like they yearned for you, but in a different way. 

but your relationship with this man was purely sexual. 

you didn’t even know his name until he announced it over the PA in the plane. 

“i’m afraid you’re not going to, captain,” you give him a weak smile, the effort needed to speak to him drained you in that instant. “i’m staying here for awhile.”

the cab driver loads your luggage into the boot, the sudden, loud ‘bang’ startling you a little. your attention returns to the pilot, who looked a little less than satisfied with your answer. 

“it was fun while it lasted,” you pull open the car door and throw your bag in. “thank you for beating me at my own game, and making me want to make sure nobody else does.”

you give him one last smile of mischief, one that he probably found familiar, before getting into the car. the door shuts on your pull, and you give the driver the address to your hotel. 

you shoot the pilot one last glance just as the vehicle moves off, and that was the last time you saw him. 

~~~~~~~~~ ONE YEAR LATER ~~~~~~~~~

“there’s no way in hell that’s her,” sunwoo leans into hyunjun, arms crossed tightly across his chest, eyes fixed on you. “are you sure you didn’t pick up the wrong person at the airport?”

hyunjun winces in disgust at his false statement. “i picked up the wrong person? you were literally standing right next to me when she walked out of the arrival hall.”

“maybe we swapped her out for someone else.”

“well, i mean...” hyunjun looks at you and rubs the back of his neck in hesitation. “at least now we know she can take more vodka before she passes out.”

you down your nth shot of vodka, but it doesn’t faze you at all. despite the loud, annoying music, you hear every single word that sunwoo and hyunjun just said. though your chest and throat were on absolute fire, anybody could give you a script or document and you’d still be able to edit it like you spent your entire year in new york doing. 

“and on top of that,” you finish your glass of water to reduce the burning in your throat. “you don’t have to worry about me throwing up.”

you raise a shot at them and lift an arrogant brow. sunwoo purses his lips and looks on as if he was watching a violent movie, leaning back into hyunjun while you down the shot like it was nothing. 

working in new york was so satisfying, both career-wise and personally. you were doing nothing but what you loved the entire year and you came back at least two positions higher than what you were when you left. not to mention the experience and the connections you’ve made at it; it was one that was unrivaled.

all those meetings and bonding with your colleagues and people of similar career backgrounds came drinking. you drank so much in new york, you were worried you’ll never be able to get drunk here, and it seemed like the case.

there was only one thing that stuck in the back of your head like an annoying tick, and that was your complete withdrawal from your sex life. 

the reason? 

you were afraid you were going to be disappointed with anybody you slept with after lee juyeon. 

the man who beat you at your own game. 

so much for making sure nobody else beats me at my own game. 

“even if you don’t get drunk, the amount of alcohol you’re ingesting is going to kill you,” sunwoo’s eyes were half-hooded, but his face says nothing less than worried. 

“i’m not going to get killed by alcohol, what a shitty way to go,” you snort and take another shot, shifting yourself out of the seat to drag your friends to the dance floor. 

your arms were already stretched out in a bid to grab onto sunwoo, but someone walks straight into you from the side.

the weight pushes you off balance and you stumble a little, but you recover quickly only to realise that half your shirt was soaked in what looked like... cocktail?

“shit! i’m sorry--”

“no, it’s fine! no problem... dude.”

your eyes lock with your assailant, and something similar to nostalgia rushes through you. 

“juyeon.”

the name rolls off your tongue the moment you process those eyes.

those eyes that kept you away from hooking up with anybody the entire year you were in new york.

he was just as shocked and surprised as you were, if not more. there was a glimmer in his eyes, and you could almost sense that he already knew you weren’t the same person you were when you slept with him. he started trying to read you, and you couldn’t believe that fate decided the two of you should meet again.

“i--”

“is there anything i can get you, sweetie?”

your eyes dart to look at the bar girl who’s come up with a rag. she gets on the floor and starts wiping, and her boobs looked like they were going to fall out of her tiny tube top. juyeon opens his mouth agape and grabs onto her shoulders, pulling her up from the floor and telling her it’s fine. 

you watch with confusion as a flirtatious look overcomes the bar girl once she notices juyeon’s face. you suck your lips in between your teeth, eyes trailing juyeon’s arms as they grab onto the bar girl and continues convincing her that he didn’t need her to get on her knees. you notice sunwoo and hyunjun’s eyes glued to the situation like they were watching television. 

the moment drags longer than you’d expect, and given the way he was looking at her now, you were almost on the verge of breaking out into scoffs. 

is he trying to make me jealous by flirting with her?

you wipe the tiny smile off your face and turn to the booth, sliding yourself in and completely ignoring the flirt session happening outside. 

“sunwoo,” you down another shot. he tears his eyes away from juyeon and the bar girl, and gives you his attention. “do me a favour and make out with me.”

he immediately frowns, obviously refusing to comply. “what? no.”

“it’s not gonna hurt,” you turn and grab a fist full of sunwoo’s shirt in your hand. the bold movement causes sunwoo’s eyes to shoot wide open, and you could feel juyeon’s eyes on your back as you leaned into your friend.

“you’ve lost your fucking mind--” you don’t bother with his words, and you shove your lips onto his, deliberately letting out low moans while sunwoo tries his best to keep up with your aggressive kissing. you open one eye, completely unfazed that you were eating sunwoo’s face, and you see hyunjun trying his best not to laugh at sunwoo’s demise. 

releasing the cotton of his shirt, and you lift your arms in attempt to wrap around his neck, only to be abruptly, almost violently, torn away from sunwoo by your waist. a familiar hand wraps around your arms and pulls you out of the booth. 

juyeon comes between you and the booth, his eyes now dark and filled with anger. you smirk and wipe the corner of your mouth with your thumb, looking past him and at sunwoo, who had your lipstick smudged all over his face. 

“what was that for?” he nearly growls, and his tone pokes a funny bone in you. it felt great to be in complete control, knowing that you weren’t drunk and you no longer had to live with a double personality. 

“for fun,” you lick your lips and glare up into his eyes. you swore you heard something snap, and within a flash, he gives you a smile you haven’t seen in a long, long time. 

“you want fun?” he turns around and points to your handbag, cuing hyunjun to awkwardly hand it over to him. juyeon fumbles in some pocket and pulls out a name card, leaving it on the table behind him. you could never forget his grip on your skin, so when the skin of his hands wrap around your wrists, you struggle to stifle a low chuckle. 

“i’ll show you fun.”

juyeon drags you away from the booth, and you watch with arrogant glee when sunwoo and hyunjun nearly snatch for the name card. their eyes widen in disbelief, and from afar, you could see the airline company logo on it. 

the end-of-winter iciness in the air sent chills down your spine, the only thing balancing the shivers out was the warm hold he was providing to your wrists over your long-sleeved top. 

he pulls the door of the passengers’ seat for you, but an idea pops up into your head. so before he could get it completely open, you slam it shut, and you raise a cocky brow at him. 

anxiety fills your veins when you remember it’s been a year you’ve slept with someone, and it just so happened that he was the last person you slept with. without reading his expression, you pull him over to the drivers seat and pull open the door, hands finding his shoulders to push him in.

you could tell he was a little confused, but he quickly grasps onto the situation when you crawl on top of him and close the door. the impact shakes the entire car, and your legs somehow find enough space to straddle his lap. 

you look down, hands already on his shoulders, and you let yourself digest the sight of his jeans hugging his thighs and his already-growing crotch. 

“missed me?” you smile widely at him, feeling somewhat strange knowing that it wasn’t your drunk self talking. he blinks in pleasant surprise, his hot palms dragging themselves from your knees to your thighs and over your black leggings. 

if you knew you would be seeing him today, you wouldn’t have been in this fit. white long-sleeved top, maroon skirt and stockings. it only made everything harder.

“i can’t tell if you’re drunk or you’ve changed,” his hands travel under your skirt and harshly squeeze the flesh of your ass. your chin angles itself upwards to the roof of the car, and you lick your lips from the sudden movement, returning your attention back to him. 

“oh, i’m not drunk,” you press your left hand flat against the back of his neck, slowly leaning forward. “but that makes it all the more fun.”

the small space forces the two of you to be pressed against each other like you were trapped in a shrinking box, and you could already feel the heat between the two of you while your tongues were already fighting each other. 

his hands were so hungry that they wandered up and down your back, occasionally caressing your waist, then squeezing your ass, before dragging it back up to play with the hook of your bra over your shirt. 

his tongue was already trying to force itself between your lips, and you struggle a little to find some kind of memory of how to win this game, but you fail. he shoves his wet muscle into yours, pushing your tongue back in your own mouth. 

you could already feel the air seeping out of your lungs in the midst of the aggressive making out, and you couldn’t even begin to anchor the sensation of his growing manhood you were sitting on. 

he senses your lack of breath and pulls away, a string of saliva dragging itself between your tongues before it finally snaps. 

“you are different,” he huffs, dragging out movements under your skirt and tugging on your stockings so he was sure you were well aware of what he was doing. “but you’re not any better.”

his words strike a major chord in you, and you gasp in genuine shock when he rips your stockings. the sound of the cloth tearing apart brings that demonic smile to his lips. 

the cold air kisses the skin of your ass and your inner thighs, and you glare at him when you realise the tear was pretty fucking extensive.

“good,” he slips a finger under your underwear from the back and finds your wet entrance. “you’re annoyed.” 

you grit your teeth in a bid to hide the hiss that was about to escape your mouth when he shoves a finger into you. the sensation naturally pushes you to lift yourself off him by your knees, but he only shoves you back down onto his finger by digging his nails into your hips. 

you lean forward, feeling your own neediness pool around his finger and you rest your forehead into his collarbone. your nails find his shoulders, and you choose to zero-in your attention on his neck. 

he pushes a second finger into you, and you mask your moan by sucking on his neck. a growl rumbles in the back of his throat, and he picks up the pace in return. 

you pull away from his neck, admiring the little spot you’ve made on him in revenge for tearing your clothes. but he captures your lips with his, his fingers still pumping in and out of your south. 

he abruptly breaks away and shoves your juices into his own mouth, the sight sending you over some crazy edge you forgot even existed. his dry fingers find your chin and pull you back towards him again, and he invites you to start another power fight between your lips. your palms were pressed flat against his chest, and you could feel his arms fumbling around his own waist, and the sound of a belt coming undone was like music to your ears. 

you’ve long lost the fight in your mouth and he explores your taste for the second time now while his hands anchors around your hips. you feel his fingers push your underwear aside again, and not a second passes before you feel his wet, throbbing muscle under you. 

“is this your definition of fun?” you huff between harsh kisses, the sounds of your lips detaching and attaching again filling the car. 

“oh, no,” he smirks and slowly pushes you down on him. soft whines of pleasure escape your throat despite the consistent kissing, and you feel him stretching your walls again for the first time in one year. “this is just the appetizer.”

the feeling of him completely filling you was so overwhelming, you couldn’t stop yourself from breaking the kiss and looking down. you press your forehead into his shoulder, allowing yourself some time to get used to his size. 

not because he was monstrously large or anything, but because it’s been a year.

you could feel him throbbing inside you, and despite the lack of movement, you were already going crazy in your gut. 

not only did you miss the feeling of sex, you missed the thrill of having him inside you.

his hands find the back of your thighs and lift you up slowly, before pushing you back down into his lap. it sends intense drills of shock and bliss throughout your entire body, and you start to whine and mewl when his hands start to roll up your top.

he pulls you closer to him and the pushed-up material of your shirt covers your view of him, but he doesn’t let you rest. his hands manage to unhook your bra to loosen the cups around your breasts, and the feeling of his tongue swirling around your hardening tips throws your head back. 

his hand harshly grips on your ass again, commanding you to move. 

you couldn’t help but to feel like the biggest loser alive when you start to move your hips according to his request, and he starts sucking on your breast like a newborn baby. 

the entire car was jerking along with your little bounces and grinding, and you could feel the vibrations of his moans and groans from his throat and into your chest. it drives you insane and you throw your head back in complete ecstacy when you start to smell nothing but sex. 

you start to feel the glass rod forming in your core, and it felt so unrealistically nostalgic for you. your whines and mewls become sharper and more desperate, and he notices your pace was slowing down because you were much more closer to your high. 

his fingers dig into the flesh of your waist to hold you down, and you can’t help but to continuously grind your hips around his manhood. he pulls away from your breast and returns his attention to your lips, lewd noises leaving his throat and into your mouth when your grinding only gets messier and out of rhythm.

the glass rod shatters, and you bite on his lip by accident when your orgasm hits, the unfamiliar, but blissful sensation spreading through you. after a few thrusts in a bid to help you ride out your high, he hugs your waist and pulls you off his lap, the emptiness finishing with a soft ‘pop’ when his soaked shaft springs out of you. 

he holds you close to himself, your knees propping you up while you hug his head to your chest.

you hear his strained moans and grunts, so you assume he lifted you up because he didn’t want to come inside you. 

his chest rises and sinks against your stomach, and you could feel your own wetness slowly trickling down the inside of your thighs, soaking the ripped edges of your torn stockings. 

his arms were still wrapped around your waist, and you rest your chin on the crown of his head, trying to catch your own breath. 

after you calmed down, you lean back against his firm hold and he was careful not to let you sit on him again. your eyes lock with his, and you were stunned to note that he didn’t look like he just had car sex. 

his eyes were wide open, and they looked even clearer than before. 

“what kind of a fucking demon are you?” you tiredly scoff, dragging your thumb across his lower lip. 

he flashes his demonic smile at you again, eyes digging into your soul with no tinge of mercy. 

“the kind that isn’t done with you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 4: Heaven

A/N: after this series i’m packing up and leaving

[tiriansjewel]

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

~~

~~

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming
You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

[trethepoet]

Contrary to unpopularity Kanye West is still my favorite rapper. No one asked me, but I am writing the story sooo I’m just giving you a little intro before I get into it…

Now...anyone that knows me well (about 18 people) knows that my favorite quote is from a rapper that is NOT Kanye West. “You can do it put your back into it” is my absolute favorite lyric/quote/mantra what have you. YeahEYeaheeee (is that how you spell that?). Anyway I repeat that Ice cube quote literally everyday. I have another favorite quote. I don’t know how many favorites you can actually have but Spellman University’s (an HBCU not as great as NCCU, but I’m biased) motto- “Find a way or make a way”- have been so inspirational to me daily.

Light the sage and tell Alexa to que Jazmine Sullivan - any song because they’re all my mood right now- and listen to this shit...

Have you ever? Hypothetically of course...

Have you ever been served a civil suit for temporary and full custody of your infant breastfeeding daughter by your fiancé with whom you share a residence?

Have you ever been told repeatedly that “nobody likes you”, “you’re mean”, “you’re unkind”, “you don’t answer the phone pleasant enough”, “you’re a horrible mother because you allowed your four-year-old child to call another man (that’s living under the same roof) dad?

Have you ever been told “I wish you would die” as you hold your beautiful one-month old baby daughter by the man with whom you thought you grow old?

Have you ever been accused of “trapping” someone with a baby and only wanting their money even though you went through the entire IVF process to create a child together by the person who paid for the treatment?

Have you ever been sitting in a room and overheard your boyfriend at the time tell his best friend that you were harassing him about a baby? ...He can’t be talking about the same baby that he just paid $12,000 of his own money to have his ish placed in a Petri dish with my eggs because his count was drastically low.

Have you ever been cheated on so many times that you can’t even gather the tears to cry?

Have you ever been told that you should expect cheating from a man that pays all the bills?

Have you ever been told you should allow disrespect from a man because he’s not a “regular nigga”…he’s wealthy?

Have you ever come home from grabbing a milkshake to find your friend disheveled and flustered, rushing to her car barefoot saying she has to get out of your house?

Have you ever left your drunken friend in your daughter’s bed to keep her safe only to have her accuse your boyfriend of pulling off her panties and giving her a vagina a kiss without her consent?

Has one of your closest friends ever accused your boyfriend of sexual assault/ pretty much rape?

Have you ever had proof that someone was cheating on you and you show that person their own dick pics and they say they didn’t do it?

Have you ever read text messages to another woman from your fiancé and the other woman mentions your name, your daughters name annnnnd knows that your pregnant?

Have you ever heard a rumor that someone from your fiancé’s church was having sex with your fiancé while you were pregnant and find out that it was true?

Have you ever uprooted your small child’s comfortable life to move to a state that you don’t wish to live for a man who picks apart everything you do?

Have you ever been told not to work and then work part time during a global pandemic while you’re pregnant and homeschooling two kids in two different grades and then told months later that you “only came down here and got pregnant for the money”?

Have you ever had your boyfriend curse you out in front of your friends?

Has your boyfriend ever cursed out one of your friends?

Have you ever had lies told on you by your own fiancé in order for him to make himself look good to others who don’t ever care about him?

Have you ever decided to leave and start over with virtually nothing and have a millionaire who is also your child’s father accuse you of stealing lamps al while calling you several “broke bitches”, a monster thot and telling you he doesn’t care if you sleep on the floor but then wants to be friends?

Have you ever had to take your infant daughter and six-year-old to the damn Doubletree hotels and suites to live for 13 nights because the verbal and emotional torture was turning into minor shoving and more intense arguments over nothingness?

Have you ever been accused of not allowing a person to let them see their child when you sleep under the same roof?

Have you ever been accused of using your child as a pawn by someone who was using your child as a pawn?

Have you ever been sent photos of about 20 onesies in a closet telling you that you’ve taken all of the baby shower gifts when you also have the baby?

Have you ever feared for your child’s safety?

Has anyone ever tried so badly to make everyone the introduced you too hate your guts?

Have you ever lost 20lbs of weight in three weeks due to stress?

Have you ever had to move three times with an infant child and a six-year-old in a two-month span of time?

Have you ever been so tired you forget to eat?

Have you ever just been so freaking tired?

Have you ever given up everything and trusted someone and then left with virtually nothing but your clothes and your daughters clothes and toys and still get accused of taking a fucking $79.99 dollar throw rug from Homegoods?

Have you ever felt inadequate?

Has someone ever made you feel like you don’t deserve love?

Has someone ever made you feel like a nutcase for feeling hurt?

Has anyone ever tried to tell everyone that you’re crazy in order to discredit everything you say?

Has someone ever offered to buy you a purse when a random girl found your private Instagram account to tell you the person you love was sucking her pussy in Miami?

Has anyone offered to buy you a bag in order to shut you up about a realtor with very split ends?

Has anyone ever made up lies and woke you up out of your sleep to tell them to you?

Have you ever felt so low you can’t do anything but cry your grown ass to sleep at night?

Has it ever taken you two years to realize it’s not you?

Have you ever been imperfect?

Have you ever just needed to breath and think? …You can do it, put your back into it (lol corny AF, but seriously).

Have you ever had to spend nearly 40K cash (every penny you fucking had) in the span of two months to make sure you and your daughters have a roof over your head and some forks and furniture?

Have you ever been thankful that you were able to do so?

Have you ever had to accept every helping hand extended to you?

Have you ever been postpartum and delirious?

Have you ever wanted to scream fuuuuuckkkkk?

Have you ever just wanted to call/hug your mom or dad and can’t?

Have you ever cried Pink Himalayan Sea Salt tears to one of your best friends over French toast?

Have you ever felt like why is this happening to me?

Hopefully you haven’t…but if you had I would hug you. I would scream the ICE Cube quote obnoxiously over an imaginary mic. I would encourage you to have the strength to leave. I would tell you to seek therapy. I would tell you that you aren’t crazy. I would drive all the way from Philly to help you build the crib for your daughter, I would babysit your oldest daughter while you pulled extra shifts, I would watch your oldest daughter for an entire weekend so she just walked into her new home, I would keep your daughter for two weeks while she was in virtual school so she didn’t have to see her mom in such a low spot, I would buy you groceries, I would come and wipe down your hotel bathroom and all the other surfaces b/c duh coronavirus, I would tell you that just because you aren’t getting physically hit doesn’t mean you aren’t experiencing abuse, I would have a bonfire and give you a candle and some flowers and some very tight hugs, I would make you three fire ass playlists, I would encourage you and tell you that you are valuable and loved. I would check on you weekly, I would go to brunch with you, I would pay your phone bill, I would let you and your daughters spend the week at my house and make you watch that horrible meek mill movie on volume 100, I would book you a hotel room and invite all of your closest friends to have a spa day, I would take a half day off to let the movers into your storage unit, I would let you ship furniture to my house, I would make you share your location with me so I knew you were safe, I would help you literally unpack your entire house, I would help you find an attorney, I would give you free legal advice, I would order you wallpaper, I would just listen, I would help you wash all of your new dishes and sheets, I would walk through ikea with you for hours, I would love you…I would do anything I could, I would be the friend all of my friends were to me.

How could I even question my self worth, my energy, my spirit, my personality when I am obviously getting back all of this positive energy and love. Who were you to think that you couldn’t find a way or make a way?

[scorpiafanclub]

“This song is about redemption and coming to terms with looking honestly at the aftermath of making bad decisions that hurt those close to you. ‘Church' lives in the space just before getting back to your roots after losing your way. A moment of rebirth.” -interview with Aly & AJ

so aj michalka, catra’s voice actor as i’m sure we all know, makes music with her sister as aly & aj. they have a song called church. it’s on my catradora playlist (obviously) because it has SO MANY parallels to catra’s entire storyline. just take a gander at the lyrics while you listen to the song. 

i’ve been sitting on wanting to write out a comparison of some of the lyrics to catra’s story for like a month now and something just hit me. i really need to articulate it into a somewhat intelligent explanation, rather than sending my friends a several paragraph long message in all caps about it. so here we go! let’s get into it!

right off the bat is the line “i do bad things for the sake of good times / i don’t, i don’t regret”, paralleling to how essentially all of catra’s destructive and toxic behavior during the series is attributed to adora leaving the horde (leaving her, in her mind). she does it all because she wants everything to “go back to normal”. since the second episode she has been wanting adora to just come back to the horde with her and have everything be the same as it was in her idea of “the good old days”. even in the alternate portal reality, that’s all she wanted. she does everything she does because she wants that back. obviously that doesn’t excuse her behavior, but motives are motives, right?

“call me what you will, i’m just in it for the thrill / i’m just, i’m just selfish” - some viewers of the show have critiqued catra’s actions (justifiably so. tearing apart the fabric of time and space isn’t really,,,what’s the word,,,,,good) and decided they don’t like her because of how toxic she is to the people around her. catra’s actions are a reflex, a response as a result of how hurt she is by adora leaving the horde (her), and it can be interpreted as selfish and reckless because of how little she presents herself to care about every single person around her that she’s hurting. it seems like she only cares about herself and she’s only doing this for the pettiness of it all. but really, lashing out is the only way she knows how to deal with the impossibly negative emotions that came with adora, the only person she ever really loved, leaving the horde (her).

then the pre-chorus, “i need redemption / for sins i can’t mention” - i think this is an obvious one :’) and here we have the scene in corridors when catra realizes that she really fucked up and that she needs to do something, one good thing in her life, for adora.

she knew it wouldn’t make up for everything she did because even after she got rescued, she still tried to run away from the whole situation like she always does. she still thought adora hated her. only after she gets rescued and asks adora to stay does she really put in the effort to redeem herself.

then the second half of the chorus, “for all the times i can’t reverse / for all the places where it hurts / i need a little church” - the first two lines go back to the other points i made. catra’s done a lot of bad things over the course of this show and it all traces back to her hurting. she wants to redeem herself. we’ll come back to the third line in a bit.

another part i’d like to talk about is these lines in the second verse, “i can’t even stop to take care of my own self / let alone somebody else” - i really like these particular lines because it reflects how catra and adora wouldn’t have anything even resembling a healthy relationship until catra redeemed herself. she has NO idea how to cope with her own problems and, as previously mentioned, lashes out at the people around her as her only response to pain. i think these lines are something we can all connect to personally.

okay, now here’s the kicker. back to the third line. this is the thing i realized that made me really need to put this into words. not until now did i connect the dots (did i connect actual dots or am i just BSing this really well) on the whole church part. stated in another interview, aly says

“...we felt that it was a song that didn’t necessarily speak about the institution of church but a place that makes you feel at home, whether that’s being with your friends and family, a memory of yours, a best friend, kind of going back to your roots is what i think that song is touching on.”

i think this is a very nice message and can link to catra in the sense that she needs adora and her friends to help her through redeeming herself and feeling like she’s worthy of the love and care that she gets post season 5.

BUT ALSO!!!! another interpretation, the one that hit me tonight, relates to horde prime. noelle has done a whole interview on how horde prime and his culty vibes are based off of real cult leaders.

“people who have this element of control over everybody, who thinks they are the beginning and end of everything, and [their followers] are completely dependent on them.”

with that knowledge, we can connect the concepts of catra getting “redeemed” by horde prime and the concept of getting redeemed with church presented in the song. i’m sure it’s not the intended interpretation of this part of the song, but i still think it’s a really interesting connection so i’m just gonna keep going. 

the thing that makes horde prime so unsettling is the obsession with disconcertingly sterile, white light and “casting out the shadows”. that his idea of “redeeming” someone is to “bring them into his light” and remake them “in his image”, which you can easily compare to certain aspects of some religion.

catra being chipped is the equivalent of her being indoctrinated and brainwashed with horde prime’s crusade. he uses the illusion of being good and being all about bringing peace to the world to fuel his movement.

“his followers speak of his greatness, but also the peace he shows them, which rings eerily, given their lack of free will.”

this is the other interpretation of the church line. catra being “redeemed” by being reborn in horde prime’s image, chip and all. it’s much more negative than the other interpretation, but i think it’s an interesting idea to explore nonetheless.

credits to some other analysis posts that i’ve found very interesting and probably took some big brain knowledge from!!

-religious term correlations - @katra​

-horde prime’s vibes - @hearticho​

-hp’s brainwashing/catra’s motives - @horde-princess​

-catra’s redemption - @malachi-walker​ / @johannas-motivational-insults​

-more catra’s redemption - @catheriaa​

-ADORA WAIT - @thegoatsongs​

[nadiafm]

( camila morrone, cisfemale ) hey ! have you seen NADIA PEREZ around ? they work as a ICE SKATING INSTRUCTOR at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 21 years old & they’ve been working here for 11 MONTHS. they tend to be +AMOROUS & +CONVIVIAL, but can also be -LICENTIOUS & -WARY. the other employees have labeled them THE ROMANTIC. thanks a lot ! gold hoops , floral mini dresses , pink lipgloss , overly dramatic eyeshadow , freckles specked across your nose , mascara running down your cheeks , tequila shots chased with salt and lime , lana del rey blasting in your headphones , mirror selfies , golden hour , glitter and rhinestones , blue raspberry dum dums , piled up books you keep forgetting to read.

hey y’all !! i’m so excited for this wow. i’m sam, i’m 22, and i live in pst !! i’m a sucker for cooking shows and dogs and candles. but more importantly...this is my freaking baby nadia, an absolute idiot with a heart of gold ! i already know this intro is going to be too long but bare with me i will include a tldr at the bottom i promise. also hmu on discord to plot ! capricornmom#1278

here is nadia’s pinterest & here is her playlist

aesthetics : gold hoops , floral mini dresses , pink lipgloss , overly dramatic eyeshadow , freckles specked across your nose , mascara running down your cheeks , tequila shots chased with salt and lime , lana del rey blasting in your headphones , mirror selfies , golden hour , glitter and rhinestones , blue raspberry dum dums , piled up books you keep forgetting to read

character parallels : jackie burkhart ( that 70′s show ) rachel green ( friends ) , cassie howard ( euphoria ) , brooke davis ( one tree hill ) , bianca stratford ( 10 things i hate about you ) , april ( palo alto ) , erica vandross ( flower ) , gigi & triple a ( booksmart ) , snooki ( jersey shore ) , jessica day ( new girl )

full name : nadia paloma perez

birthday : july 23, 1998

zodiac : cancer sun , pisces moon , pisces rising . god help this emotional ass girl

nationality : american 

religion : roman catholic

sexual & romantic orientation : bisexual , biromantic

hometown : aventura , florida ( 20 minutes outside of miami )

languages spoken : english ( fluent ) , spanish ( fluent ) , french ( still learning , takes it in school , somewhat conversational )

likes : candy ( sour punch straws , lollipops ) , watching soccer games ( messi stan till she dies ) , rex orange county , writing , magazines , making empanadas with her abuela , romantic comedies ( her fav is how to lose a guy in 10 days ) , tequila sodas , sex , lana del rey , chipotle burritos , iced chai lattes with almond milk from starbucks , gossip girl , craft beer , margaret atwood

dislikes : quinoa , nuts in things like salad or cookies , star wars , watching golf , oatmeal , church , screamo music , california ( a grudge ) , spoiled rich kids , condescending business majors , quentin tarantino ( and his avid fans )

BACKGROUND

Born and raised in South Florida, a little aways from Miami ! Her mother, Paloma, was an Adventura native while her father, Santiago, was an immigrant from Argentina. Her parents met in college when Paloma was studying abroad in Argentina. They fell in love, rather quickly, and the rest was history. They had planned on moving back to America together, but Santiago’s visa was denied. So, after only four months of knowing each other and 2.5 months of dating, they got married. 

Turns out sometimes you should know your partner better before getting married !! shocker right. It wasn’t so bad at first, though. They were young and in love and their honeymoon phase seemed to last forever, until it didn’t. 

By the time Nadia was born, they’d already begun to realize each other’s faults and flaws. Santiago was a good looking guy, and with his thick Argentine accent, he tended to come off as overly friendly and at times overtly flirty. Paloma was jealous and needy. It never seemed to mesh well when she thought her husband was flirting with every other mom in the neighborhood. 

So, for the majority of Nadia’s childhood, all she remembered from her parent’s marriage was them fighting. She had a close relationship with the both of them, though, and she was particularly close with her father. He was her biggest supporter !! Always hyping her up. He was the one signing her up for sports like soccer (they’re a huge soccer family, the only time her parents weren’t fighting was during Argentina games), gymnastics, dance, and ice skating. Her favorite was soccer, and her for most of her adolescent years, her dad coached her team. They formed a really close bond because of it. 

The marriage was sort of non exinsistant at this point, but in some sort of last attempt to salvage any love they might have had for each other, Santiago and Paloma had a baby. It was more Paloma’s idea than anything. Santiago, at that point, was only sticking around for Paloma. She was seven when her little sister was born, Caterina, and Nadia absolutely adored her. They may have been seven years a part, but they were the best of friends. 

When Nadia was twelve, she woke up with a note on her bed side table. It was from her father, and it read: “Nads, I’m so sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to your face. I wish I was stronger. I am so proud of you and I promise I will be in touch. Te amo. Papa” He hadn’t left anybody else a note, and not even a word to her mother. As close as she was to her mother and sister, she couldn’t help but blame them for her father leaving. Still, she was pretty certain she’d hear from him soon. That he’d come back once he cleared his head. Only, he didn’t. 

Word spread pretty fast around school about what had happened. Suddenly, Nadia was a charity case. PTA moms were coming up to her and offering to bring her lunch or dinner, if she needed it. She was the girl who’s dad left them high and dry. It didn’t help that on top of that, her body was going through changes much more rapidly than any of her friends. She already had gotten her period, and by the time she was in seventh grade she was wearing a D cup bra. So in addition to the sudden spotlight as the girl without a dad, boys started treating her differently. Boys that had never talked to her previously suddenly wanted to be her friend. In eighth grade, Hayden Walker rolled up a small piece of paper and shot it like a basketball into her cleavage. He high-fived his friends after and thanked her for the backboard.  

So middle school was rough. And while Nadia had had one or two boyfriends during that time, she’d never gone past kissing them. That’s not how the rumors went, though. That was the part that hurt the most. The things people said, especially the things girls said about her. Girls she thought were her friends. 

At the end of eighth grade, during the summer before high school, she got a text from her dad. The first one in 2 years! She’d idolized him her whole life, so obviously she was ready to forgive him as soon as she heard from him. He told her he was living in California and Nadia was like, I’m sold! Let’s go! Only her mother was like...are you fucking insane you are not going to California to visit that man. Long story short, she found a cheap cross country bus ticket and essentially ran away from home to see her dad! He was shocked she had come at all, despite his text message leading her to believe he wanted to see her. Apparently it was more of a courtesy text, a text so he could let go of the guilt of leaving an entire family behind. Because in the two years he’d been gone, he managed to start a new one. He had a new wife, and two newborn twins. 

Nadia was pretty furious, but she stayed the summer anyways. She had full intentions of starting high school in California and not going home to Florida. Things were tense at her father’s, though. Her “step mother” obviously didn’t like having her around, and though her bond with her father was slowly rekindling, there was still a sort of distance between them. But they were trying to make it work, at the very least. 

Then came the end of the summer. Nadia had made a few friends around the neighborhood, and was invited to an end of summer kickback with a bunch of high schoolers. Naturally, she lied about her age at the party. She was 14, but told everyone she was 16, and everyone seemed to overlook her baby face thanks to her ass and tits. At the end of the night, a boy drove her home, and the two ended up hooking up in the car. Apparently she had misjudged how much her father actually cared, because he’d waited up for her to come home, and after seeing car headlights out front, he’d stormed outside to find her in the car with a high school boy, half naked. After allowing her to gather her bearings, he essentially humiliated her right there on the front lawn, screaming about how irresponsible she was amongst other things. The majority of the conversation has since been blacked out from her mind, but she’ll never forget the look on her dad’s face when he said, “you’re nothing, you’re just like your mother, and i don’t want you anywhere near my family.”  whew !! ya girl was hurt.  

So, obviously, she was back on the way to mom’s ! Honestly at that point her mom wasn’t even mad at her for leaving she was just thankful she was back. 

GODDD okay this is getting long so I need to wrap this up. I haven’t even gotten to personality KJSHG Okay let’s wrap up high school in one bullet point. Basically she sub consciously searched for every man’s approval because she lacked the approval she needed from her father! This meant lots of boyfriends and never saying no. In her four years of high school, she was maybe single for a total of like ... seven months. not seven consecutive months lmao, 7 months in between relationships. 

one of those boys was connor perch, her first official boyfriend freshman year ! they were really sweet n young and nadia really thought she was in love. but then she gave him a blowjob and this mf recorded it ! and nadia found out after the fact, asked him to delete it, he said it was just for himself to look at, only to find out he’d sent it to his friends a few days later. so that basically set the precedent for how she’d be treated the next four years of high school ! she tried to act like it didn’t bother her but dang. high schoolers can be very mean !

oh my god i seriously have to wrap up okay this will be quick. basically when she was a senior in high school she went on a ski trip to big bear and met a boy named ethan, who she like fell in love with so fast like literally a week give it a rest girl. he was from Colorado but when she left they kept in touch and basically talked every day for the rest of the school year and throughout the summer. She’d decided to apply to Boulder University to be closer to him because this time it really felt like the real thing ! SURPRISE AGAIN ! She got to school and found out he had a girlfriend. She was really mf heartbroken over that. But did she learn her lesson? No. Does she still fall in love with anyone who looks in her direction? Yes. 

Okay and lastly she has been working all sorts of jobs throughout college because her mom is helping her pay for tuition and rent so she’s gotta cover spending money ! She ended up getting a job at Big Bear Resort during her last winter break as an ice skating instructor because she used to do ice skating back in the day. Now she works at Big Bear during her school breaks and on some weekends ! 

TLDR/Tidbits

Hopeless romantic with major daddy issues

Will overanalyze every interaction she has with anyone because she thinks they might like her

EXTREMELY GULLIBLE 

Probably will have a crush if you are even remotely nice to her 

Really dumb but means well. Literally no common sense. Complete bimbo

Cries A LOT. Complete crybaby. Happy or sad she’s probably crying

Heart of gold!! She really always means well even when she fucks up so bad I SWEAR her heart was in the right place 

Can outdrink anyone. She would drink a 6ft5in, 200 pound man under the table any day

Tequila is her choice of drink, but vodka is for her #sadgirlhours

Obsessed with Rosalía, Lana Del Rey, & Rex Orange County. And also 2010 bangers. Anything she can shake her ass to !

She pretty much used to exclusively wear mini dresses because when she realized everyone was just gonna sexualize her anyway, she was like FUCK IT, i’ll show my ass n titties n legs. Except it’s fucking like negative degrees in Colorado so she can’t do that ! Bummer. (she’ll still probably find ways to wear mini dresses)

Obsessed with makeup!! She loves doing adventurous things with eyeshadows and lipsticks  like ok euphoria 

Kinda crazy. Major crackhead vibes especially when she’s drunk! She loves going out, she’ll go out on a Tuesday, she just likes to have fun ok and dance on tables and make out with cute people

She’ll have a one night stand but just know for HER she’ll probably get attached. I’m so sorry it won’t last that long but she’ll pine for at least a week

ok that is all i’m so sorry for this shit show of an intro but here is a messy list of wc !

[smolbeandrabbles]

Selfish Pt.2 - Sheriff of Nottingham x Reader (Robin Hood 2018)

Part 1

Authors Note: Promise we’ll go back to the beginning after THIS one. This is fairly important though, don’t you think? I’m not sure how much she’d get away with... But I honestly don’t care. She’s a badass and she can say whatever the hell she wants! First hint of what I’m calling him here. With her ‘Wil...!’ that is actually Historically “accurate” information!! One L because there’s enough of them in Robin Hood as it is!

ALSO - I thought you guys loved Sorrento, but, the NOTES for Pt.1 of this!? You honestly all blow me away sometimes...!! 😊

My entire playlist for the Sheriff is songs with religious significance or subtext... And I don’t know if that’s how my brain is working or I’m trying to tell myself something...?

Disclaimer: Owning my OC/Reader character only! I’ve never had a kid, so that’s all my imagination... 

Premise: In an effort to keep both the Church and the Hood at bay, stress finally hit her - HARD.

Word Count: 4013

Warnings: child-birth (I might have overdone it slightly. I’m sorry!!) Third Person Reader Insert

I walked the line Until the line was just a blur And love was out of reach, And faith was just a word

Oh, I've been searching, I've been praying I've been hurt, and I've been patient I've been lost and found again Waiting for my Amen Looking at you now I believe Someone up there is looking out for me And I know how my prayer ends Baby, you're my Amen

---

It was the following morning when he got the inevitable call to explain himself to the Cardinal and the church. She wasn’t having it. “You’re not going.” “And what am I to do instead?” “Stay here where you’re safe. I’ll go.” She knew if she let him go to the Church they would likely strip him of office. Maybe they’d even try to finish what Robin started. The church can make or break a man… “You most certainly will NOT.” “I’ll take Marcus… Alden… My brother… Are they honestly going to try to harm two Norsemen?!” “…Take Guy and I’ll consider it.” She folded her arms and sighed; “Fine.” He seemed surprised, because he thought that was about the only thing she would never agree to, “But you stay here until I get back.” He opened his mouth, but the look in those hazel eyes of hers daring him to say something smart made him close it again. Maybe just this once he wouldn’t keep her here… “Tell me that sword is just for show?” “They wish.” “Y/N…” Even her brother was looking to rebuke her today “Askel – if I need it so be it.” “In a Church no less…” He looked towards the towering structure in the distance “Amen…”  His mocking sarcasm was telling. She had accepted the Church because she had to. Her brother most of the time refused to set foot in it. And he wasn’t particularly happy that she seemed to forsake their Gods for this one… She was caught between two worlds, but she made sure to keep balance between the two. Askel wasn’t the only one who thought it was nonsense to do both. Marcus and Alden, about the only English men beyond her own man she trusted, stood a little way off. Listening, but understanding nothing. Only Tuck and the Sheriff had ever bothered to learn it; Tuck as a man of many talents and her lover because he wanted something that would be theirs – and seen as there was only one of them left… “How is he?” Marcus and Alden flanked her as they walked. Askel a few steps behind; he didn’t trust Guy either – which put Guy a few paces behind him. She rolled her eyes “He’s… Him.” They were both eyeing her sword; obviously as worried as her brother that she’d be drawing it. In truth, she also wanted to feel safe, like she wasn’t the defenceless pregnant woman she FELT she was right now. Her comment only made Marcus smile; he was used to every gripe she had with England, with Nottingham, with the Sheriff. He was her second in command, but also her best friend. Over these past 8 months, however, the complaints had only become more intense and to him, more hilarious. She used to do this daily; patrolling the streets of Nottingham with him, or with Eyhamel – her war horse. But for at least 7 of the 8 months there was a distinct radius she was allowed to walk in and never unguarded, and certainly, never in charge of security. She was itching to get back to it, of course, which is why she was about to walk into this. “Where is the Sheriff?” It was the archdeacon the five of them came face to face with, rather than the Cardinal. She kept her left hand on the hilt of her sword and it was clear the presence of both her and her brother made the man uneasy. “I believe after yesterday his absence is understandable.” “He was summoned here.” “And I am here in his place…” She was always defiant. And she was daring them to take Nottingham away from him now “…But I’m happy to deliver the message.” “With all due respect. My Lady, the message is for him. Not for you.” My Lady… God that even grated with her now – it was just the way he said it! She had the distinct feeling they weren’t particularly pleased with having to speak to her as a woman, either. “With respect.” Though she had very little for him, “The Sheriff almost lost his life yesterday in this very building. So let me get one thing straight here. You can tell ME what you have to tell HIM and I will endeavour to relay the information…” She took a step forward and out of line; “Or, why don’t I just tell you what you’re going to tell me… You’re going to tell me all the effort he’s made over the past few years on this War is not all for naught because of the work of a thief. That the people of Nottingham, after this chaos, need a strong leader. Because he is one. They need consistency and stability… Lose him, you lose me… For you that could be a good thing, but of him and I who has more favour with the people in your mines? You want them to keep the faith, excellent. Have someone tell them to keep it. Who would you put in his place anyway? And with this…?” She indicated to herself “Losing him is no good for anyone until we know what this is…” She took another step, with a smile “So I put this to you, Archdeacon. You do your job. I’ll do mine. And the Sheriff will do his. And at the end of the day we’ll all be better off.” His eyes flicked from her to the men around her, none of whom looked in disagreement because they all know she had a fair point. She was a woman of two countries and two faiths. And she was confident in where she stood with both. She was difficult to manipulate. There was no fear the Church could put into her, asides the fear they could put into him, which of course was why he wasn’t here. More than that; she hated them for everything they had ever done to him. And her brother – not even one to attempt converting – a true Norse warrior and surely not someone to mess with. The other three… Well, at least two of them would follow her orders to a fault. Even with all the Church’s power; with her the Archdeacon knew he had to tread carefully. The Church had no power here, even though they were standing in one. “…It’s all well and good saying this. Y/N. But what of the war?” She gave a shrug “I’ve never much cared for your war. That will be for your Cardinal to decide.” The step she took this time was backwards; making her 4 companions turn – even Guy knew her well enough to read every signal of her voice; “…I suggest you make the correct decision… Besides I don't think even you want the consequences of removing him from office... It could be more than just the Arabs he'll be warning the people about... We all know the stories of Ragnar..." "Was that a threat?" She turned from him with a smile, "It’s a promise..." And it was. Her father would as like march on Nottingham and the Church if someone so much as touched her. That's what Askel was for. And Norsemen didn't often show mercy. *** “...Can you do a ride of the perimeter ... anything unusual or out of place or-” “Yes...! It’s going to be fine... Robin hasn’t been here since the-” “I know, will you just do it!!” She was painfully aware of the ticking clock that was her pregnancy. And she was paranoid. Marcus couldn’t count the number of times she’d had him walk or ride various parts of Nottingham for any potential weak points Robin and co could take advantage of. “Marcus...” He turned at the sound of the Sheriffs call, walking briskly down the hallway toward them. “It’s okay. You may leave us.” “Yes sir...” But she pulled his arm back “Marcus please!” “It will be done. My Lady.” He gave her a confident nod and bid then both farewell.  The Sheriff watched him leave before he spoke.

“What are you doing?!” His blue eyes studied her carefully... he noticed she didn’t look at him; “I’m scared!! I’m panicking that he might-” Of course this was about Robin. But he didn’t sigh. He didn’t roll his eyes. He didn’t look anything less than understanding. Gathering her in his arms as best he could he ran his fingertips into her hair, kissing her forehead and hairline; “Shhh! Shhh! Not another word!” Well, he either wanted to know or he didn’t “Stop this... Y/N stop this...” “I’m just being prepared!” “You, of anyone in this Goddamn city, should be preparing for something far greater than our defences...” He whispered it gently against her skin. The way he chose to hold her now was protective. But he still moved his hand to rest on her bump “I need you to stop thinking about this... And start thinking about our child...” She wasn’t sure why he would think that she wasn’t doing this FOR their child. She let out a sigh of her own and wound her arms around him, burying her head in the safety of his chest allowing him to rub her back gently. “That’s my girl...” It was weird for him to say that phrase like that. Here. In this context. It sent a delightful shiver down her spine. Which made him chuckle, but say nothing more. He kissed her hair again. “We have mere days... barely weeks....” He watched the way the sunbeams danced in the courtyard, it was serene... His eyes flicked to the sky... In times like this he actually believed in God. He didn’t need a church for that - Hell, he didn’t want a church for that... “Everything is going to be fine... I promise you...” It was convincing. It was what she needed to hear. It was what he needed to say. How could he become so disillusioned with the church? After all hasn’t God given him this? By miracle or grand design... He realised quickly that yes, God may have...but the Church had not...

  ***

Weeks had passed since Robin had taken half of the poorer populous with him to God knows where… She was getting antsy towards the end of her pregnancy AND that she couldn’t be out there right now patrolling Nottingham or looking for Robin… All she wanted was to know he wasn’t going to come around here again in a hurry. She now found herself almost permanently stuck to the Sheriff; half in worry that something would happen and she wouldn’t be around. And she wouldn’t admit it to him, but she’d been having bad nightmares about the happenings in that church and she daren’t tell anyone else about it. Besides, what exactly could she tell the doctor? ‘I know you told me not to stress! But my subconscious thinks it’s a good idea to share that trauma with me every night!!’ Nope.

Today was Sunday, a Holy day, and that meant Church. She wondered if it would involve any more War donations… She had noted that since Robin had left talk of the war effort had fallen fairly silent. There was something going on in that brain of his, she could tell, but he wasn’t confiding it in her just yet… She wasn’t too worried – she’d be the first to know.   There was a knock at her chambers as her handmaidens helped her to dress. If there was one thing she would curse about bringing another life into the world, it was the awkwardness of having to do even the most mundane of tasks with a bump. Even holding her lover close to her was proving most difficult these days. And as if to speak of the Devil he nudged the door open slightly; “Apologies ladies… I must interrupt…” He only half stepped into the room; clearly all ready to set off; “…Y/N, my darling, they have called me early. I’m afraid I must away… Will you be alright…?” She looked down at herself and the girls, who seemed almost finished; she didn’t like the idea, but she could imagine the Lords all attempting to drag him off for the best part of the morning before he actually caved… She nodded, “I shall not be too far behind…” “Okay…” His voice was quiet and she wasn’t too sure that was even the answer he wanted to hear. “Ok…” He repeated it, and with one look back into her eyes, he took his leave. She huffed slightly as Hal held out his hand to help her get into the carriage… Why all this was necessary she didn’t know! They were treating her, her!, Norse Princess and Shield Maiden, as fragile as glass. She knew she was pregnant but this was ridiculous. Still, she thanked him as she sat – today was a glorious day, the sun shone in a bright blue, cloudless sky and bathed everything in glorious golden light. Its warmth caressed her face and she smiled. Sure, she might have to spend the rest of the morning in a gloomy church (although… the sun through the pretty stained glass today would likely look spectacular) but once they left, she would get to see him in glorious sunshine; the way it would hit his blue eyes and turn his hair a multitude of grey shades and maybe he’d relieve himself of his jacket and… She bit her lip just thinking about it and damned her racing hormones. The carriage set off towards the church and her mind wandered, wondering what the subject of today’s preachy sermon would be… And how long they could possibly drag it on… She wondered if they would once again mention Robin… Because he was a subject all to himself these days… Not that she was SUPPOSED to think about him…  A sudden sharp pain shot through her lower body that made her wince and cry out… what in the hell was-!? She cried again, holding her stomach as it happened again… Oh Gods… NO. She had to take a sudden sharp intake of breath, twice, in-out-in-out… She looked down to her dress, patches now considerably darker in colour… Please no… Cradling her bump, the next shot of pain almost had her in tears; but the liquid wasn’t blood… it was clear… And that left her almost more horrified. She wasn’t going to lose it… But he wasn’t HERE!!! “STOP!!!” She screamed as loud as she could, pounding one hand against the side of the carriage “STOP!!! STOP THE COACH!!!” Just hold on… hold on!!

The carriage slowed to a stop, and the door opened; “My lady, what is wrong…!?” She was almost bent double over the seat, her breathing ragged “…The baby…!!” She took another deep breath “The baby is coming…!” For the two men standing outside time almost froze, then they almost fell over each other flagging down the following coach. She squeezed her eyes shut and cradled her bump again trying her best not to begin sobbing in the midst of the commotion suddenly happening around her

“-turn the coach around!!” “—What do we tell---” “Someone has to go to the church and TELL HIM!!---” “—She can’t deliver here you---!” Marcus, ever her saviour, jumped up onto his horse “I’m heading to the church, take her back to the castle – and God Speed!” With that he was away, galloping as fast as the horse would take him. Another of the guards jumped on a second horse “I will go on ahead and warn the doctor!” The coach master was gathering the reigns back as two of her hand maidens Ada & Caralyn climbed in with her; as the coach began to move she grabbed Ada’s hand in panic “WAIT--- WHAT Ab- AH!” “They will bring the Sheriff as fast as they can M’lady… But we have to get you to a safe place and NOW!” Ada squeezed her hand tighter in a form of comfort “He will be there…” By the time they had made it back to the castle she could barely walk, and her contractions were getting worse, her security team practically had to carry her to her bedroom. All the while she was protesting; even though the doctor and his aides and her hand maidens had done their best to prepare for her; There was only one thing on her mind, still. “Where is he?!” “They can only get him here so fast… and on a Sunday…” She was still complaining as they laid her down; “You need to breathe… calm down and breathe…” “I CAN’T do this without him!!” She panicked, and Ada rushed to comfort her; the doctor and his team were firm; “Y/N, panicking will not help your baby… And you CAN!” The next shot of pain nearly took her breath; this was really going to happen – wasn’t it? She was trying to concentrate hard on what she was feeling to fight through the pain and listen… When she’d been old enough and curious enough to ask, her mother had simply replied that she would know, as she had to do was listen to her body… All around her she could hear medical nonsense and babble she didn’t understand and she wanted to yell at them all to be quiet; but she knew why they were stressed themselves, women died in childbirth… And it was sure the Sheriff would damn them all to hell or worse if anything happened to her here. Especially as he’d spend the best part of 8 months making contingency plans for this exact moment. It didn’t matter how many times the doctor told him he would have it covered. She was suddenly brought to another level of pain; and she felt the tears begin to run; this was ridiculous, she was stronger than this!! Women did this all the time!! But she already knew why, she was scared to do this without him and her body was caught between trying to hold it off and the fact that it was TIME to do this… “…Wil….!”

He was aware that by now he was probably late for the start of the service, several of the Lords were standing by the doors trying to usher him in, but he wouldn’t move until she got here. And he was becoming concerned that she wasn’t here yet. She knew the importance of punctuality, and he knew he had been early… What had happened?! He knew, idiotically, that he should never have left her alone. The sudden sound of hooves approaching at pace picked up his hopes, until it turned out to be a single rider – her right-hand man, Marcus. “WHAT?!?! WHAT THE HELL-” “SIR!” Marcus was slightly out of breath, mirrored by his horses panting “We have NO time! You must come with me!!” “WHY!?!” He was taken aback that the man would even interrupt him; “The baby is coming! Y/N has been taken back to the castle!” His eyes widened, horrified, NOW!? NOW!? She was going to have his child NOW!?! DAMMIT! Marcus grabbed his arm and helped him mount the back of the horse; turning it expertly on a dime – but not before the Lords all rushed forward; “Sheriff! What has happened!?” “You can’t leave church like this!?” “SIRS. My wife is about to have my first Child.” His snappy angry tone made Marcus inwardly smirk as he prepared to urge the horse back into a gallop “If being there rather than here is a sin, I shall repent later!” Marcus took that as a signal to go, and kicked the horse back into action, “…I didn’t realise you and Y/N were married, Sir?” The Sheriff at least laughed at that “What, you want me to give a full explanation of our relationship!?   She is about to bare me a child Marcus! I don’t have time to lecture them!” “Well, if I may speak freely, I think it’s fine for you to lecture them a little, Sir!”

*

She certainly wasn’t making things easy on herself; she was going against every piece of advice she’d ever been given by every woman in her life and she was trying to resist what her body was telling her. For as long as she could… Come on Marcus! How long does it take!? Gods PLEASE! She knew it would be painful, but THIS painful..?! Eventually, when all the commotion around her stopped and the doctor and nurses settled into position, she knew everyone was waiting on her, and she could not hold off on what her body was asking from her any more, Ada clasped her hand tightly, and she took one gulp of air before she began pushing…

In the courtyard below there seemed to be more commotion. A lot of yelling back and forth and running footsteps, doors being thrown open so hard they hit walls, frames and all manner of other architecture… Then there was running down the stone corridor. All she was hearing beside the focus on herself was the doctor trying to help her time; and then the last set of doors were thrown wide, all but a few turned. The Sheriff didn’t stop there, running the skirting of their room to be beside her Ada left her hand in his strong, firm, confident grip. She almost cried again but in relief… he was here… he’d made it all the way back here… Marcus slowed his run to a jog, and then to give them privacy began to close the door.

“I’m here… Y/N… I’m here… Darling…” His voice faded in and out of focus but the strength of his hands around hers was all she needed, it was still painful, and he did his very best to soothe her, stroking her back… kissing her hand and whispering encouraging phrases that she couldn’t really hear but she knew where well meant… and then… Crying. And not from her. The room fell completely silent apart from the cries of an infant…

There was a collective sigh of relief as the breath everyone was holding relaxed… She couldn’t help but look to her lover and smile, and he looked back with nothing but admiration… The Nurses collected together blankets quickly… And the doctor cleared his throat in order to break the look they were giving each other. “Sir… Would you…” She let him take his hand back gently, his discussion was brief, and as if he had simultaneously lost the strength to stand the Sheriff fell almost weakly into the chair beside her. He clasped her hand back in his and sank his head onto the bedsheets; he very nearly cried with relief as her fingers gently tousled his hair; “You did so well… My darling… so well…” His murmur was as much relief as it was praise. He only raised his head as the doctor approached again, carrying with him their child; “Sir… My Lady… God has graced you with a Son…” She knew immediately that was it – the look needn’t even have crossed the Sheriff’s face as he turned to her; a son to carry on both his bloodline and his name. Heir to Nottingham, with a fair claim on her father’s Kingdom too. He turned to her, with a confident smile, “Y/N…” He took a breath like he didn’t know what to say “You have blessed me with a son…?” Then he laughed “…I think that makes it only fair that his name is yours to give…” She hadn’t been expecting it, but for a child of two words it would only be tradition to call him after his father – and hers. “Eske…” Would he be okay with that? “I would like to call him Eske…” “Eske…” He repeated, testing it for himself… before he laced his fingers with hers and kissed her, it was gentle and sweet “…Eske it is.”

 *Eske, for Eskil. Her father, as you will discover when I do my (backwards) timeskips! I.E. In the next part!

GIF CREDIT: @mendo-r

[judgemental-llama]

50 Questions tagged by @parker-queenan-is-king

1. What takes up too much of your time?

Tumblr and Twitter. I should’ve been revising a lot more recently but I’m always online 😂

2. What makes your day better?

@that-multi-fandom-boi 😏

the snap and twitter and discord groups

@imhereforthetryus random questions and shitposting on my posts filling my notifications

Milk

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

Today has been nothing extraordinary idk like the iced coffee I had was rather nice

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Obviously Hogwarts but not when Harry was there bc I’d literally die

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I’d like to think so

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Idk strong suspicions of depression but never been doctors to be diagnosed so technically no 🤩

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Nooope

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Odd question idk like Demi Lovato is pretty inspiring in being a fighter like depressed and shit since age like 11 she’s had her issues and don’t condone the substance abuse but she’s overcome a lot ig

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Nahhhh

10. What’s your dream date?

Not too fancy a restaurant like a nice cheap Italian or smth, walk at night, cute little peck innit

11. What do others notice about you?

I am loud af

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

See above

Also bite my nails ew

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Like first crush or first bf? Bc no either way tbh

14. How many exes do you have?

2? Idk if I count others tbh

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

13, 185, 12, 122, 44, 74, 123, 55, 132, 109, 77, 141

16. What instruments can you play?

All none of them

17. What do you have the most pictures of?

Tyrus....

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Italy

19. What is your zodiac?

Virgo

20. Do you relate to it?

I literally have no clue what it means

21. What is happiness to you?

People I care about being happy

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Hahahahhaha probably

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

Ooof.

Probably shouldn’t share that with the internet 😳

24. What’s your favorite store?

Tesco’s

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Pro-Choice personally wouldn’t have one

Crusty old men have 0 rights voting on what we can do with our uterus ☕️

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

Only a joke one

The entire thing is to punch a homophobe

27. Do you have a favorite album?

Naahh

28. What do you want for your birthday?

A holiday

Pop Funkos and other nerdy things

@that-multi-fandom-boi

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

Lol probably what the fuck

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Like 16 😡

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

On the bed

32. What word do you say the most?

Probably boi

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

22 I think

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

Like 17/18

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Not a clue

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

Couuuuntry sometimes

Other times Pop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

England. I know how it works

38. What is your current favorite song?

Hold Me While You Wait - Lewis Capaldi

39. How long have you had this blog for?

Ummmm I think the actual blog is a few years old but I’ve only been active really since like November

40. What are you excited for?

Prospect of meeting online friends

End of exams

My birthday (cake)

Seeing my bestest Friend “peaches”

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Ooof I can’t shut up so talker

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Hahahahahaha

I’ve done revising today tbh

43. What do you want for christmas?

Same as birthday tbh

I forgot beforehand but marvel films

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

Mathssss

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

Idk it’s not a bad day so I’d say a neutral 5

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

Sleeping

Crying

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

Ummmmmmm idk

48. What age do you want to get married?

Like 25

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Lawyer

50. What do you crave right now?

@that-multi-fandom-boi and all my online bois and gals and non binary pals

Attention

Bacon

Biscuits

Tagging @that-multi-fandom-boi @ambi-trash @i-am-church-the-cat @imhereforthetryus @sxshx-sxshx @theobligatedklutz @emmy2024riggs @tyrusvibes

[teditonks-blog]

TED TONKS. former healer, current mediwizard. chronic fixer. lover of baked goods. family man. bit of a slob. kinda tired. if there wasn’t a war, ted would be running a bakery and solving crossword puzzles all day.

PINTEREST.

PLAYLIST.

hello pals !! i’m liz and i also write bellatrix ( ted’s polar opposite™ ty ) !! thank u for coming to my ted talk ♥ it’s a bit long, but i’ve tried to highlight important bits with capital letters / bold letters and stuff so hopefully it should be easier to read!! also i won’t be offended if u don’t read everything obviously since i’ve written a mini essay about teddy : ~ ) ♥

CHARACTER INFLUENCES:

bill weasley ( very chill, that ‘ i could kill you but i definitively won’t ‘ aesthetic, likable, would die for his wife, academic overachiever ),  chidi anagonye ( kinda pretentious, likes riddles, overthinker, a little bit quiet ), terry jeffords ( family guy, probably digs yoghurt, strong and friendly, stays in his own lane ), nick burkhardt ( that ‘ i can’t believe you’ve done this ‘ vibe, moral compass pointing in the right direction most of the time, doesn’t see everything in black and white ), jackson avery ( values kindness, protective of what he loves, willing to fight for what he believes in, tired of stereotypes about his family background ), scott lang ( cheeky jokes when you least expect them, man of honor, would definitively hack a corporation and give back to the wronged workers if the opportunity presented itself ), merlin ( selflessness has no bounds, very smart, tongue in cheek humor, pokes fun at himself ), newt scamander ( can find good in anything, quiet, a little awkward, kind ), nick dunne ( there’s a line where the nice guy ends and something else begins, somehow manages to look like a teddy bear and an asshole at the same time, fiercely loyal until he’s not, pathological smiler ) and ray palmer ( smart, persistent, likes science ).

ANTHEMS:

gimme shelter - the rolling stones // bel air - the church // midnight rambler - the rolling stones // this must be the place ( naive melody ) - talking heads // close to me - the cure.

AESTHETIC / VIBE: 

mick jagger during the late 60s, a quick wink in the corridor as he walks past, hands dug deep into washed out jeans, tears burning in your eyes as someone dies in your arms, the smell of vintage books, waking up screaming, blood splatter on your neck, always carrying medical supplies ( there’s always a fight, somewhere ), the smell of freshly baked cookies, a heart beating out a hummingbird’s melody, soft eyes slowly growing colder, muggle pens behind ears, rock and roll playing from old gramophones, never getting the blood out of your favorite shirt, raised eyebrows, faded hickeys and fake smiles to make someone feel better.

QUICK STATS:

name: edward ambrose tonks nicknames: ted, tedward, teddy occupation: mediwizard former house: ravenclaw date of birth: may 7th age: twenty six +: easy going, altruistic, sharp and kind. -: phlegmatic, guarded, detached and indulgent. wand: 13′’, unicorn hair, acacia wood. patronus: a brown bear.

BACKGROUND:

Ted grew up on Valentia Island, a small muggle town on Ireland. His father was a science teacher, and his mother a mathematician and researcher. He grew up on formulas and numbers and facts and science. Anything that he could make sense of, he found comforting. Like home.

[ Alcoholism tw:// ] Money was always an issue and they could just make ends meet, never any room for luxuries. Though that didn’t stop Ted’s father from finding himself looking down the barrel of a bottle a little bit too much. That also put a strain on the family, and the economics.

His mother, Eliana Tonks ( née McNamara ), mostly worked from home. She balanced her research career in maths ( trying to get published, applying for grants, doing the occasional guest lectures at schools ) with motherhood. She had two children from a previous marriage, both older than Ted. She was a caring mother, but also somewhat unstable, prone to mental breakdowns.

Ted also spent a considerable amount of time with Eliana’s mother, Dorothy McNamara —- and some of Ted’s fondest memories are from her farm, the scent of newly baked cinnamon rolls seemingly always hanging in the air.

Also helped out at her farm a lot and took care of her animals.

[ Alcoholism tw:// ] His father, Brian Tonks, the secondary school science teacher, was mostly just very tired. For years, he constantly worked overtime, took on extra work, barely ever saw his kids or his wife. Still couldn’t quite make ends meet. So he found comfort elsewhere, whiskey numbing his feelings, his soul, his thoughts.

Ted has four SIBLINGS — two older half brothers, and two younger sisters. Pretty early on, Ted took on a lot of responsibility regarding his siblings (really wanted to help his mom out, mostly), and spent countless hours playing with his sisters, taking them out on the ferry, trying to distract them from the problems at home. Ted is great with kids so !!!! That’s that!!!!

HOGWARTS YEARS:

The LETTER arrived with a peculiar man on a rainy Monday morning. It was explained to the Tonks family that their middle son, Edward, was a wizard. Brian got a good laugh out of that one. It would take a couple of weeks ( and another few visits ) to convince him that this wasn’t a con. Brian was a man of science after all - and men like him did not believe in magic.

So Ted was shipped off to Hogwarts, and became a HATSTALL ( just for long enough that Ted was sure that the hat had changed his mind about him, send him right back to Ireland ). Stuck between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, the hat eventually settled on Ravenclaw.

Ted was SHAMELESSLY MUGGLEBORN, from the very start. Homework was written with a pencil, instead of ink, muggle bands could be heard playing from his dorm (mostly the Rolling Stones), his mother sent him issues of national geographic and new scientist, which he read over breakfast at the Ravenclaw table. REBELLING against the wizard norms was 100% Ted’s brand.

But also fully EMBRACED WIZARD CULTURE!!!! Was that kid who always asked questions, tried everything that he could and always craved more!!!

Had a FROG for the first three years at Hogwarts ( called Toad, we love being practical ), and then got a cat instead ( called Neptune ).

During the summers, Ted was enrolled in SUMMER SCHOOL, and took muggle classes.

His FAVORITE CLASS at Hogwarts was probably arithmancy, but he also excelled in charms, herbology and transfiguration.

Attempted to join the QUIDDITCH TEAM during his third year, but didn’t make it. Continued being an avid supporter instead.

While at Hogwarts, Ted was FAIRLY POPULAR. He was always taking care of the younger kids ( even though he was never made prefect ), could be seen wearing jeans and a tshirt on his off days, was quite charming, told cheeky jokes to make people around him smile and overall just gave zero shits about what people thought of him. He was also that big, muscular dude who at first glance, you’d totally expect to be a crude jock, but then he’s not, and instead walks you to your dorm, always the perfect gentleman. Ted was lowkey just everyone’s cool older brother.

Ted was mostly interested in LEARNING. He wanted to learn about everyone around him, about magic, about their history. Also studied his ass off, and was at the top of his class. 

As a person, Ted was always KIND, a nice guy to his very core. But he was also COLD, somehow used to dulling his emotions, his senses, his heart ( he really is his father’s son, isn’t he? ). Instead focusing on other people - their hardship, their emotions, how can he help? He got used to always PUTTING HIMSELF LAST early on, already as a young child, so it was hardly any different at Hogwarts.

Definitively sneaked into the kitchen a couple times a week (and definitively found the house elf situation mortifying too, lbr).

Ted was of the conviction that if he tried hard enough - he could MAKE FRIENDS with anyone. Never met a stranger. Unfortunately that wasn’t quite the case, and he became the target of BULLIES during his first four years at the school. Ted always gave as good as he got though, quickly finding where his kindness ended - and where something darker began.

Had a pretty CAREFREE HOGWARTS EXPERIENCE, overall though? Mostly stayed in his own lane, studied a lot, went to parties, probably read every book in the library. Made a lot of friends but also some enemies. 

AFTER HOGWARTS / PERSONALITY:

Ted graduated with top marks, but had no further great ambitions beyond that. The dream was to open up a BAKERY, run it for a few years, and then move on to the next big thing.  He’s a firm believer in that there is a certain science to the perfect cake - that it takes more than a recipe. He’s also a firm believer in getting to know people, and what better way to do that than over cake, right?

Unfortunately, the war looming on the horizon pulled him in another direction. So after Hogwarts, he studied to become a healer, a work that although meaningful, never really excited him. So he worked at St Mungos for a couple of years, and did what he had always done. Stitched people up, put them back together. Completely detached from what he was doing, everything just felt like PRETEND. He perfected his bedside manner, a false smile always resting on his lips. He pretended not to notice when someone’s dark mark slipped. Everyone’s the same, to Ted, when he’s working. He doesn’t differentiate between the sinners and the saints, the good and the bad. 

After two years at St Mungos, he had a sudden change of heart, and made a swift career change. Hospital was changed in for the battle field as he became a MEDIWIZARD. 

And suddenly, he found himself in the center of the storm. Quickly patching people up, dodging spells, finding body parts. Somehow he finds himself always covered in someone’s blood. Sometimes it’s his own.

10000% uses muggle techniques out in the field too! If it works, why shouldn’t he? 

He only works in the medical field because of NECESSITY. He has no great aspirations to become a high level healer, and the job itself doesn’t draw him in. Though being in the field gets his heart racing, it’s not something he particularly enjoys and he mostly just does it because he wants to HELP. Can’t stand seeing all this mayhem, all this pain. It’s in his very nature to want to pick up the pieces, it doesn’t matter who it is. Ted grew up in an environment where he was the constant fixer of things, the glue that kept the family together, the little diplomat. That never changed.

What did change however was his DRIVE! Over the years, Ted has grown more and more DETACHED from what he does, what he sees. It’s incredibly hard to stay gentle in the society he lives in ( where a large group of people want to see him dead ), so Ted has grown more and more closed off. His heart is still made of gold, but he’s detaching himself from it. Coldness seeping into his bones, his blood. He hasn’t realized it himself, but he stopped properly caring a long time ago. He’s so tired.

LISTEN! These days, the only thing that Ted really, really cares about is his family!! Can you blame him? People want to kill him for who he is and meanwhile all he’s trying to do is save people :/// damn it :///

OKAY SO - let’s talk about THE ORDER!!! Ted helps out, when he can. But he doesn’t directly involve himself in their business, because 1) he suspects that some of his wife’s family members are death eaters, and he doesn’t want to do that to her / to have to fight his extended family. 2) Ted is definitively not a fighter - he’s the fixer, the healer, the guy you go to when you have a problem you can’t quite figure out on your own. 

Aligning himself with a side thus doesn’t feel quite right to him, since he’s out in the field, trying to remain objective, trying to help people on both sides. Not saying it isn’t a challenge, but homeboy is trying!

SO ----- Ted is a big old SOFTIE with a heart of gold. He embodies kindness down to his very core, and there usually isn’t a mean bone in his body. His name suits him well --- Ted is a teddy bear.

Ted is also incredibly TIRED. Years of working right in the middle of the war has taken its toll on him, and he’s getting fed up with all of it, tbh. Not that he’d ever say so. 

At this point though, Ted is starting to become more and more RESERVED, because as a medic, he has seen the things people do to each other, the things they are capable of. It makes him sick, and he’s growing increasingly detached from the people around him because of it.

Though guarded, Ted is pretty OUTGOING still! He just doesn’t let anyone (except for his wife!!!!) too close, anymore. Prefers to keep everyone at a distance. Ted has buried a lot of his friends and he’s getting pretty tired of that too. :/

Ted is so nice that he can be sort of INDULGENT? Lets people get away with a lot, and is overly permissive / forgiving & lenient at a great personal cost.

Also very SELF SACRIFICING. Puts EVERYONE before himself, always. It’s a problem.

Total OVERANALYZER and occasional overthinker. Typical Ravenclaw.

But also very easy going - literally the most chill guy ever. For better or for worse.

Try getting a rise out of this man!!!! You can’t!!! You could literally spit in his face and he’d just wipe it off and continue on with what he was doing. He does not give a single fuck - his skin is made of steel.

Tip: insult his wife / daughter and he might crack!!!

Can be incredibly APATHETIC!! Every now and then, the light in his eyes goes out, flickers and fades, and his usually SOFT HEART grows cold.

With that said, you wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of Ted’s hatred. It’s very rare, but absolutely SEETHING. Ted’s a patient guy. He can wait until the moment is right to strike back, ya feel.

Ted is sort of OBSESSIVE. Especially with the idea of fixing things ---- putting things back together. It stems from his childhood ( which I talked about earlier ). He’s a problem solver, a chronic fixer, a helper. He doesn’t know any other way to be, so he physically can’t stop himself from getting involved. 

In Ted’s mind, there is ALWAYS a solution. ALWAYS. Hence why he is taking this war so hard. He can’t solve a whole war, but he’s having a hard time coming to terms with that. Unfortunately, logic and reason can’t fix this. SUCKS.

[ PTSD tw:// ] Ted is slowly developing PTSD. He is ALWAYS there for the worst parts of the war and its aftermath. He has seen so much. So the nightmares never stop - at this point, they continue when he wakes up too.

In chaotic / dangerous situations, Ted just SHUTS DOWN. Acts on auto pilot. Becomes incredibly stoic, calm, lifeless. Phlegmatic to a fault.

Currently, Ted is mostly just done. #over this war!!

OTHER STUFF:

Definitively a vegetarian!!

Favorite color is green.

LOVES cooking and is lowkey an experimental chef? Likes seeing what happens when he adds stuff together.

But leans more towards baking!!! He’s still chasing that perfect cake. There’s a chemical reaction out there, somewhere, that he WILL find. Give him time!

Very Dad!! Loves Dora SO much. Wants to change the world for her.

Quietly teaching Dora math and science at home. Also slowly introducing her to muggle history and muggle technology and muggle music. It’s important to Ted that Dora knows where she comes from. That there is nothing wrong with who she is ( who they are ).

On that note, Ted cares so much about math and science! He loves anything that just makes sense. To this day, Ted will still read science books and magazines. 

LOVES animals and is so good with them too, which he learned when he worked his grandmother’s muggle farm as a teenager !!

Would... adopt ten dogs and five cows if he could.... someone hook this man up....

Doesn’t drink alcohol... yet. Doesn’t want to turn into his dad. I may do something with that later.

Wears a lot of washed out jeans and rolling stones shirts.

[immcrtuos-a]

G I A N T . C H A R A C T E R . S U R V E Y

[ tagged by ]: @eloquated [ tagging ]: @eyerevived @dcmonblooded @remembcr and everyone else who wants to

G E N E R A L

[ name ]: Raphael Ortiz Santiago [ nicknames ]: Rafa (only by certain people he’s close to) [ birthday ]: June 19 [ birthplace ]: Zacatecas, Mexico [ age ]: 84 (looks like 19) [ eye color ]: Dark brown, almost black [ height ]: 1.75m / 5′7 feet [ weight ]: Fairly muscled [ nationality ]: Mexican [ astrological sign ]: Gemini [ location ]: Hotel Dumort [ siblings ]: four brothers and one sister, all deceased [ pets ]: None [ in the morning i’m ]: Sleeping [ all i need is ]: the Clan [ love is ]: Apparently, a good thing [ i’m afraid of ]: Loved ones dying [ i dream about ]: Not much, unless nightmares are counted too

H A V E . Y O U . E V E R ?

[ pictured your crush naked? ]: No? [ used someone? ]: Yes [ been used? ]: Yes [ been cheated on? ]: No [ considered cheating? ]: No [ been kissed? ]: Yes [ done something you regret? ]: Of course

F A V O R I T E

[ food? ]: Can’t eat anything anymore, so does it matter? [ fruit? ]: It used to be cherries [ candy? ]: I don’t have one [ color? ]: Red  [ number? ]: 3 [ animal? ]: Cats [ drink? ]: Blood, obviously [ soda? ]: I preferred coca cola [ book? ]: Macbeth or Julius Caesar [ room? ]: Bedroom [ movie? ]: I don’t have a favorite

D O . Y O U ?

[ have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ]: No [ like cleaning? ]: No [ have a tattoo? ]: No, though I admit they can be nice [ have any piercings? ]: No [ cheat on tests/homework? ]: I don’t remember, probably not [ drink/smoke? ]: Sometimes, with Magnus or Lily [ swear a lot? ]: Probably more than I should [ like watching sunrises or sunset? ]: I wish I could [ pray? ]: Of course  [ go to church? ]: Not anymore, although I used to go every week [ have secrets? ]: Naturally [ have a best friend? ]: Lily and Eliot (and Jack @eyerevived ) [ like your own handwriting? ]: Sure

A R E . Y O U ?

[ obsessive? ]: About certain subjects, I suppose [ excited? ]: Not particularly [ bored? ]: At the moment, yes [ happy? ]: Not really [ missing someone? ]: Yes [ confused? ]: No [ tired? ]: No [ mad? ]: At certain people, yes [ sleepy? ]: No

D O . Y O U . E V E R ?

[ wait around just to talk to someone? ]: Sure [ write about those ‘special’ moments? ]: No, I don’t need a diary to remember [ wish you were a member of the opposite sex? ]: No

W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . W H O ?

[ you talked to? ]: Lily and Eliot [ you hugged? ]: Magnus [ you kissed? ]: That’s unimportant [ sent you a letter? ]: The Los Angeles clan leader [ you sent a letter to? ]: The Los Angeles clan leader, in return [ you laughed with? ]: Eliot [ slept in your bed? ]: Myself [ you shared a drink with? ]: Lily or Eliot   [ you went to the movies with? ]: A group of the Clan, a few years ago [ yelled at you? ]: Camille [ you called? ]: Magnus [ you kicked? ]: A Shadowhunter [ you saw? ]: Lily

W H O . I S ?

[ the most handsome person you know? ]: Objectively, probably Magnus? Although, Isabelle Lightwood is also beautiful. [ the weirdest person you know? ]: Simon Lewis, without a doubt the most confusing person I currently know [ the funniest person you know? ]: Eliot [ the loudest person you know? ]: Loud in volume is Lily, loud in character is Magnus   [ the quietest person you know? ]: Aurélie, a clan member [ the sweetest person you know? ]: Johannes, another clan member [ the most serious person you know? ]: Every person from the Clave  [ your best friend? ]: Well, that used to be Ragnor [ the person you hate the most? ]: Valentine Morgenstern [ the person you see most? ]: Lily and Eliot [ your soul-mate? ]: Soul-mates don’t exist.  

W H A T . I S ?

[ the first thing you thought of when you woke up? ]: Everything that needed to be done tonight [ the song that best describes you? ]: I don’t know [ your best feature? ]: Physical or in general? [ your most treasured memory? ]: Any of the ones with my hermanos

I N . T H E . F U T U R E

[ what is the age you hope to get married? ]: I’m not going to be married [ number and names of kids? ]: I won’t have any  [ where do you see yourself at age twenty? ]: I’ve surpassed twenty by a few decennia now  [ describe your dream wedding? ]: I already said I won’t have one, so it doesn’t matter [ when and how do you want to die? ]: Preferably a long time from now and quickly [ what are your career plans? ]: Keep leading the clan [ some place you’d like to visit? ]: I would like to go back to Zacatecas.

L A S T . T I M E

[ last time you went out of state? ]: Clan business a few months ago [ last time you were outside? ]: Yesterday night [ last time you had a snowball fight? ]: Years ago [ last time you were listening to music? ]: A while ago

O T H E R

[ how many people would you say are good friends of yours? ]: Three [ what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? ]: Emotional. [ have you felt this recently? ]: Yes [ what do you wear to bed? ]: Sweatpants and a t-shirt [ when’s the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? ]: As a child [ have you ever used a ouija board? ]: No [ how many rings before you pick up the phone? ]: As soon as I can find it

[musicgoonmail]

Christ Our Hope in Life and Death

In This Edition

In this week's edition, I share a challenge from work that caused my faith to falter, what's new with my book reviews, an update on my playlists, what I've been enjoying in entertainment, and what's coming soon across my creative platforms. Feel free to send me your feedback simply by replying to this email. Thank you for reading, subscribing, and supporting!

Work

Book Reviews

Playlists

Extended Play

Coming Soon

Weekly Review

Work

My biggest challenge this week came in the form of a phone call I had to make to my boss. My original plan was to return to work this week. Social distancing started right when Ark was born. We were planning to have our parents help us at home. But if I went back to work at the hospital, I could catch COVID-19 and put everyone at risk. It seemed like the wisest thing to do was to use as much of my family leave time as possible.

The hardest part was explaining this change of plans to my boss. I was scared, worried, and anxious. I thank God that my boss seemed understanding and I have the family leave time available. It truly is the providence of God. I am ashamed of my faltering faith but thankful for our faithful God. I am humbled but also emboldened to share and say that you can trust him to take care of you, too.

Book Reviews

I published two book reviews this week: Mama Kisses, Papa Hugs (a children's book) and American History (a textbook). I really enjoy reviewing these different types of books. For the children's books, I always show Linus and see if he is attracted to the pictures. I also look for illustrations that portray people of color. Of course, the content always matters and I look for Biblical truth.

American History was my first book received and reviewed for B&H Academic. I always have a little bit of imposter syndrome when I take on the academic books. But I've had my eyes on this one for a while and I found it quite an enjoyable and educational read. While I like to give away books to my church friends, I want to hold on to this one for my own reference. I hope to partner with B&H again soon.

Playlists

Keith and Kristyn Getty released a new single titled Christ Our Hope in Life and Death. It’s a triumphant song and perfect for the times.

Missing Disneyland made me search for the best way to play the music of the theme parks at home. I came across the Walt Disney - Legacy Collection: Disneyland playlist on Spotify. Nearly 500 tracks makes for 25 hours of non-stop Disneyland fun.

MUSICGOON: 10 songs I enjoyed this week.

SVRGNLA: Jess and I love these songs.

ETJ: Music that inspires my band.

DIDD: A crowd-sourced worship playlist.

TGIF: Crowd-sourced for SOLA Network.

This is FCBC Walnut: Sunday setlists.

Extended Play

My favorite article this week was How Kinfolk Defined the Millenial Aesthetic... and Unraveled Behind the Scenes. It was written by Lisa Abend for the March 2020 issue of Vanity Fair. It reads like a screenplay and I can see it being adapted into a movie a la David Fincher’s The Social Network.

Knowing I had another full week at home, Jess and I started watching The Infinity Saga by the Marvel Cinematic Universe. We pretty much have the movies playing in the background throughout the day. I finally finished watching The Mandalorian. And 9 years ago, I wrote My First Tweet.

Throwback: My First Tweet 

Food: Froot Loops

Movie: The Infinity Saga by the Marvel Cinematic Universe

TV: The Mandalorian

Article: How Kinfolk Defined the Millenial Aesthetic... and Unraveled Behind the Scenes

Book: Acts 1-12 for You by Albert Mohler

Song: Christ Our Hope in Life and Death by Keith and Kristyn Getty

Coming Soon

I was able to have enough of my new recording equipment set up to begin pre-production on the songs I want to record for Bulwark Ministries. Obviously, COVID-19 is going to cause some delay, but I hope to finish it before the end of this year.

With social distancing still a reality, it seems like everyone is going LIVE on Instagram. I plan to give LIVE for SOLA Network as well as FCBC Walnut this weekend, and I had my first LIVE session on Dive In Dig Deep with Courtney Reissig - author of Teach Me to Feel: Worship Through The Psalms In Every Season Of Life. I’ll share the story behind how that happened later - but here is the video on YouTube in case you missed it.

Weekly Review

SOLA: Small Groups in the Time of Covid-19, Why We Need Artists During COVID-19, and Everything’s Canceled! Dealing with Disappointment in Pandemic.

Thank God it’s Friday: How Do We Make Sense of the Coronavirus? How Do I Fight My Coronavirus Fears? Russell Moore: Reading in Exile: Books by C.S. Lewis, and All the Free and Discounted Stuff for these Difficult Times.

Book Review: American History by Thomas S. Kidd

Book Review: Mama Kisses, Papa Hugs

Recommended Reading: C.S. Lewis on Times of Fear, Love Your Wife Like Jesus Loves Her, The Gift of Time, and Bleeding & Bankrupt: A Story of Faith.

[thenextrush]

Did the show really need hosts?

Hosted by Nick Lachey and wife Vanessa, the show was pretty self sufficient without them as they only appeared in several episodes, they didn’t even bother to show up for the 82 minute season finale.    It wasn’t like Next in Fashion where participants needed handholding and direction each week with challenges, and it didn’t even need voiceover narration like they did in The Circle.

Total air time from this supercouple couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes in total, where do I sign up Netflix?  Easiest gig ever!

A wall within the conversation pods divides the couple who decide on who they want to “date” without the pressures of appearance and visual social cues

Not seen the show?  Here’s what you missed:

If you’ve missed the first 9 episodes, it’s different to Married at First Sight because the daters have a chance to engage and get to know prospective partners before taking a leap of faith:

The bachelors live on one side of the complex, while the bachelorettes live on the other.

From 30 singles, 6 couples got engaged and headed to Mexico for their first physical date / honeymoon

35 days is how long it took for them to date in the pods, meet in person, meet their parents, with weddings taking place on the last day

Diamonds are not this guy’s best friend:

One of the most memorable confrontations took place in Episode 4 and because of Social Media & Marketing Manger Carlton Morton‘s omission, it led to NBA Dancer, Diamond Jack making decisions without all the information resulting in a missed opportunity for the show because she turned out to be a firecracker with her dramatic exit.  Whether he wanted to or not, Carlton became the poster boy for fluid orientation and he lost whatever sympathy that could have left this story on a positive note because of that temper tantrum by the pool that will define his Love is Blind appearance for years to come.   His outrage at Diamond was misdirected and inappropriate.  But she gave as good as she got putting him in his place, she needs to come back in Season 2 or ask her to host the show if she’s got a spare ten minutes in case the Lachey’s are busy!   No one deserves to be spoken to like that especially when you drop a bombshell from them out of no where expecting them to be okay with it the next day.  Obviously, they didnt make it to the altar with the couple throwing in the towel in Mexico and going their separate ways.

The Weddings in the Season Finale:

Up until the season finale, the soundtrack of the show could rival any Weddings Greatest Hits essential playlist with its light and bubbly vibe.   As each couple uses the same reception venue to tie the knot, the music quickly turns into a dramatic symphony straight out of a Star Wars Jedi battle as the marriage celebrant ends his piece to recite vows with the question:  “Is Love Blind”, the couples then respond with an “I Do” or an “I Don’t”.

Giannina pours her heart out in a poem:

The fiery Venezuelan retail owner, Giannina Gibelli has been a ticking time bomb since she and Industry Supply Manager, Damian Powers left the pod and it started almost straight away on that yacht in Mexico.  Even her mother before the wedding says to her daughter in Spanish that she “better be serious and not treat this as a game”.

Giannina finally seemed ready, taking on board a hurt and worn down Damian’s feedback at dinner.   The love-hate exchanges with these two seemed to come from a place of passion making them so entertaining to watch because they’d somehow always make their way back to that place they found in the pod.

She genuinely seemed to be making an effort especially with a poem she wrote for him accompanied with socks to wear to the wedding:

“The beginning was rough the middle was sweet the other half was a lot and soon we’ll reach our peak. I asked you once ‘Can you handle me?’ I hope you know now and forget the rest cause ready or not, this isn’t a test So what do you want? Only you can guess”

As Giannina walks down the aisle at the end of Episode 9, Damian becomes teary.

Damian’s shocking 360:

Damian has been pretty consistent and devoted to his fiancee who on several ocassions throughout the season has gone on a tyrade.  The season finale opens with Damian responding to the marriage celebrant’s question to take Giannina as his lawfully wedded wife:

“I do not” he says quivering as tears roll down his face.

Did not see that coming at all, total blindside.  What’s weird is he thinks he can still salvage a friendship with Giannina after she runs out of the church in embarrassment leaving guests and family in a state of awkwardness.   His decision makes Giannina the only woman from the group to have been ditched at the altar.

Opposites Attract until Barnett freaks out:

Ex-Military Tank Mechanic, Amber Pike pretty much quit her waitressing job after she got engaged.  Her dream was to get married, be a stay-at-home mom and let her future husband dig her out of credit card and student loan debt and pay for the $850 custom tailoring on her wedding gown.   Meeting Matt’s family couldn’t have been easy but her unpredictability complements well with the .

Brawl for a Cause fitness professional, Matt (aka Barnett) gets cold feet and things are looking grim with a montage of his doubts if having to choose between his family and fiancee, her financial insecurity and a conversation with his rational thinking brother.  “Getting married means putting that other person before yourself.  Are you ready to give up everything for that person?”.  Matt doesn’t return any of Amber’s calls or texts the morning of the wedding and finally shows up at the eleventh hour.

Turns out it’s just a normal case of wedding day jitters and professes to Amber that he “can’t imagine a life without you”.  Classic Prince Charming Cinderella match right there!

What’s the real reason Kelly wouldn’t sleep with Kenny?

Health Coach, Kelly admitted it herself, that maybe “her whole definition of love is not right” because despite saying that intimacy in previous relationships she’s had without connection has been a total let down and kiss of death for her, she finally comes clean saying she’s “conflicted” because she doesn’t “know if she is 100% in love with him”.

Turns out she’s not physically attracted to him.  Architectural Lighting Consultant Kenny Barnes who is five years younger than her is totally infatuated like a puppy dog and it’s actually devastating to watch him being ditched at the altar.

Poor Kenny, this match really seemed like it was going to work as viewers bought in to Kelly’s stalling.  We were all so distracted with Jessica’s inability to reconcile pod and physical life that we didnt see this coming either.    Especially after Kenny and Kelly’s parents met and had similar shotgun wedding experiences themselves.  There also seemed to be great chemistry between both families in Episode 7.

“This experiment, it brought me to you.” said Kelly at the altar, “Someone who is so fabulous in every single aspect. This has been a wild ride and I am grateful that it has been with you because you’ve been nothing but supportive, and I appreciate every single moment that I shared with you. And I love you.” 

Declaring how much she adores Kenneth and loves him, after the marriage celebrant asks if she’ll take his hands, it all comes crashing down when she says “I don’t” and leaves the chapel with a dumbfounded groom.

Standing alone at the altar, a brave class act of a gentleman,  Kenny addresses the guests in a heartfelt moment that moves the bride’s mother as she whispers to her husband how much he loves the guy for his humble words:

“Obviously this is just a whirlwhind for everyone, and again, don’t want to dive too deep into it, and delve. Because you take something that is so complex, and it is authentic, and it is real, but today is not our day. Um, but I love each and everyone of y’all, and it’s something that I’ll cherish and be grateful for forever.”

Kelly later says to the camera that “I’m fucking 33 and I should know what I want” and the story ends there for now…

Everyone knew this relationship was doomed except Mark:

He was adamant that he didn’t want to “play second fiddle” when it was clear she was weighing up options.  Tech sales rainmaker, Jessica Batten was embarrassing herself continuously with her drunken rants and throwing herself at Matt with no shame and then denying when she sobered up.

All the red flags were there, love truly was blind for personal trainer, Mark Cuevas  who had to have been in denial about their connection and of course she ditched him at the altar.

No surprise there, that coupling always seemed to be doomed.   In the end, Jessica admits that emotional connections aren’t enough and that for a relationship she jumps in to, it’s a combination of mind, body and spirit.   Watching the season back, she clearly always wanted Matt and her efforts to try and make it work with someone she wasn’t physically attracted to weren’t enough.   We would’ve been more sympathetic to her if she hadn’t made indirect passes at Matt after he got engaged to Amber.

We get the happy ending we were rooting for:

The award for sweetest couple of the season has to go to Articial Intelligence Scientist, Cameron Hamilton and Content Creator, Lauren Speed.  It’s in this union we saw total authenticity and openness on both sides.

“Everyday that we’ve spent together has been a blessing to me. There’s so much I love about you. You made me want to be a btter an and you have evberythign I need in a partner and I feel very blessed to have you in my life” – Cameron

“Cameron I love that you make me comfortable being fully myself. No matter how flawed, goofy or broken I may have been. I’m thankful for our time together and how happy our moments are.” – Lauren

The lead up to their vows brought some great moments through the season.  From their first physical meeting to Cameron meeting Lauren’s father, a touching moment between Lauren and her father before walking her down the aisle and Cameron with his mother.  True Commitment.  A family that works.  A marriage that seems like it’s set to last.

The season closes with their final thoughts summing up their experience:

“She has everything I’ve always dreamed about in a partner. She’s charismatic, but down to earth, she’s confident but also humble. She’s intelligent, she’s kind.” – Cameron

“I don’t think I ever could have met someone like Cameron any other way. I’ve been looking for Cameron for over 30 years. Apparently Cameron was looking for me too, I’m glad we finally found each other.” – Lauren

Just two nuptials take place out of the remaining couples.

The final episode becomes available tonight globally 7.30pm (Australian EST). Add it to your MYLIST if you’re looking for something to binge on this weekend.

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  Love is Blind: Who gets ditched at the altar? #loveisblind #loveisblindnetflix @netflixanz #netflix #netflixuk @camrhamilton @mattdbarnett1 @sexfact01 @KennyBarnes_11 @damian__powers @gianninagibelli @wpp_aunz @need4lspeed Did the show really need hosts? Hosted by Nick Lachey and wife Vanessa, the show was pretty self sufficient without them as they only appeared in several episodes, they didn't even bother to show up for the 82 minute season finale.