#i like her a lot and i think she's an excellent physician but this + “wants a hysterectomy but i talked her into trying the iud first” idk

[vampyroteuthid]

now why do the notes from my last obgyn appointment say i'm "sweet" yes obviously i'm nice to you i want you to perform a major elective surgery on me. can you actually take me seriously instead of uhh commentating on my personality

[loruleanheart]

F, Q and U for the fanfic ask game ?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

“You are excited to bring an illegitimate child into the royal lineage, Your Highness?” Rumon asked pointedly.

It was as if all the air had been sucked from the room.

“Illegitimate child…?” Zelda managed after a beat, shaken.

“Am I right to assume this man is the father?” Here, Rumon gestured rudely to Astor.

“I am. What of it?” Astor answered, an edge in his voice.

“There have been many unsavory rumors going around and the court does not like the look of you. This would never have come to pass if His Majesty was still alive.”

“My father gave his blessing with his dying breath,” Zelda said, bewildered, the memory of her father’s passing still raw.

Rumon didn’t reply or hadn’t heard her.

“All we’re asking is that you see to your goddess-damned job,” Astor snapped. “Without inserting your loathsome opinion into the matter.”

The small old man blinked with callous indifference. “I’m certainly not going to sully my reputation by delivering a bastard into the royal family.”

“Fine then. Leave.” Astor replied evenly. “You’re clearly not going to be of any help to us, so I think you should show yourself out.”

“Leave? I’ve held this position for thirty-five years and I’m not about to lose it over some silly royal affair gone wrong. Tell me, what business does a wretch like you have to court the Princess of Hyrule? Nobody knows who you really are or anything about you.”

“I didn’t know I required your approval!” Zelda cut in, her words clipped with anger through the hurt.

Unaffected, the physician looked at her as if addressing a very young and dim-witted child. “I can see you lack your mother’s wisdom.”

“Do I, now?” Zelda responded resentfully. She’d never truly hated anyone before—not even her father with all his scolding or when things had become so strained they went for days without speaking—but now she experienced complete revulsion for the ghoul wearing Hylian skin across from her.

This scene is so tense. I put a lot of thought and care into it. Rumon is an OC, but I still wanted him to feel like he fit into the botw/aoc Zelda universe well. Not necessarily a villain, but just a person that will ruin your day.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

I'm all for it!

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Strums_Sun_Shattered writes with such emotion and skill. Her niche is Rito stories and she writes alongside canon to the point where it becomes difficult to differentiate between what is canon and what is fanfic. She does an excellent job with original characters.

GhostPikachu writes some Lorule content, also meshes well with canon.

Prometheus17 writes epic original Zelda fanfic. His longest fic is 398,748 words!

Thanks @lize-the-prophet for the ask.

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

The Fake February Rake by Charlie Lane

The Rake Review #2

Loved this month’s rake who is not really a rake but painted so by a gossip rag’s brush. Dr. Hades Jones needs to set things straight and in doing so manages to secure a better future than he had ever dreamed of.

What I liked:

* Hades: raised by his mother and the man she married, has a half-sister, excellent physician, impeccable standing in the community, biological father was of the ton though he never acknowledged Hades, learns a lot about what he really wants in life and pursues it

* Ophelia: daughter of the Earl of Plinkton, disillusioned by her father’s behavior, has turned down eleven suitors, inspired to and actively pursues helping women in need, confronted by Hades about the coat she stole to use as a disguise, learns to trust as she never has before

* Hades’ mother who rose above her disgrace, married a man she loved, and created a family in the country

* That the lines between ton and those not really in the ton managed to be crossed with a happy ending for Ophelia and Hades

* The way the two found their way to trust, love, and a fruitful happy life together

* Wondering who Lucy might end up with in the future

What I didn’t like: * Who and what I was meant not to like – specifically Ophelia’s father and the man who ruined Hades’ mother

* Thinking about how the power of men in the past and how it was used too often against women – no matter which class the woman was from

Did I enjoy this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Yes

Thank you to the author for the ARC – This is my honest review.

4-5 Stars

BLURB

The ton thinks Hades is a rake. He’s not. Before the Brazen Belle’s gossip column named him February’s rake, Dr. Hades Jones was the ton’s most trusted doctor, proper in every way but for his family’s scandalous past. But the rake the Belle named wasn’t him. It was someone wearing his distinctive silk-lined coat, which was stolen from him months ago. Now Hades is on the hunt for the coat thief, and what he finds in a Covent Garden alley is not what he expects—a woman with doe eyes, a steal spine, and a tart tongue he unexpectedly wants to taste. Everyone thinks she’s Hades. She’s just wearing his coat. Lady Ophelia Howard has one purpose in life—protect the women of London from rakes, scoundrels, and rogues. Unable to save her father’s mistress, she’ll do whatever she must to keep other women from suffering the same fate, including theft. She stole the devilishly handsome doctor’s coat to hide her identity while sneaking women to safety. She didn’t mean to smear his good name. And now he’s caught her, and he insists she help restore his reputation. Any way she can. Including marriage. But can marriage to an earl’s daughter bring the ton calling once more? Or will Ophelia’s radical secrets ruin them both? The Fake February Rake is book 2 in the multi-author series The Rake Review. If you enjoy watching some of London's most notorious scoundrels getting raked over the coals, then be sure to collect all twelve bachelors in The Rake Review!

[captainmdhridoyhossain-blog]

[ad_1] Cindy Rogers, St. Mark’s Sanatorium occupational remedy assistant, hugs Michelle Liechty, who spent 70 days on the sanatorium preventing COVID-19 and its aftereffects, all the way through a COVID-19 memorial rite out of doors of St. Mark’s Sanatorium in Millcreek on Wednesday. (Kristin Murphy, Deseret Information) Estimated learn time: 5-6 minsSALT LAKE CITY — When Michelle Liechty confirmed up at St. Mark's Sanatorium simply earlier than Christmas in 2021, Dr. Jared Johnstun stated his crew did not be expecting her to make it."The whole lot pointed in opposition to her being any person that will in the long run die from COVID," he recalled Wednesday, explaining that through then the sanatorium crew had helped sufficient coronavirus sufferers to have a good suggestion of the way instances like hers would pan out.In spite of that, well being care staff stored a favorable perspective, particularly in entrance of her and her circle of relatives, and attempted their toughest to assist her continue to exist — similar to they did with each and every COVID-19 affected person.3 times Liechty died in entrance of well being care staff, together with Johnstun, they usually have been ready to restore her. She no longer best lived after the ones episodes, however she stored making improvements to and persevered to have an excellent perspective. She walked out of the sanatorium previous this month on March 1 — 70 days after being admitted. She spent 41 of the ones days in an extensive care unit."To me, Michelle represents the entire onerous paintings that we did, the entire heartache that we lived thru, and the entire non-public struggling that the ICU crew lived thru — that it's a must to any person, that it made a distinction, that no longer everyone simply died. And I like the truth that we have been ready to assist any person get mounted to the purpose that she's going to head out and make a distinction on the planet. So I think hope, I think sorrow and I think justice," stated Johnstun, who's a pulmonary and demanding care physician at St. Mark's.Well being care staff on the sanatorium amassed Wednesday for a rite to commemorate two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, to rejoice individuals who have been launched from the sanatorium, to keep in mind those that died whilst of their care, and to honor the well being care body of workers that has labored lengthy, onerous shifts during the last two years."We might move to paintings and combat on a daily basis realizing that almost all of our sufferers were not going to reside. We nonetheless needed to move and combat. The way in which that we were given thru this is we realized to depend on every different, we realized to attract power from every different, and we realized to combat as a crew in combination," Johnstun stated.The arena won't ever be the similar, and I completely would possibly not be the similar. I don't believe somebody that is lived thru this, from a well being care perspective, would be the identical. –Dr. Jared JohnstunRev. Nancy Cormack-Hughes, director of non secular care at St. Mark's Sanatorium, stated prayers as a part of the rite on Wednesday. She famous that no longer best has it been two years of mask and digital conferences, however for the ones on the sanatorium it's been two years of "the COVID unit" and "the COVID nook," two years of an overflowing ICU, and two years of serving to sufferers and households thru sorrow and grief."We are right here to keep in mind. We are right here to grieve. And we are right here to go into into a brand new generation — a brand new generation of hope, realizing that there's a gentle shining strongly on the finish of our very lengthy tunnel," she stated.Liechty's daughter, Mariah Liechty, stated her mother was once steadily no longer acutely aware of the chaos and ache round her, however

she did really feel the presence of medical doctors, nurses, breathing therapists and others whom her mother known as "Michelle's angels."She stated that she was once instructed that the sanatorium keep can be a roller-coaster experience, with various ups and downs, however she nonetheless didn't consider what the level of that experience can be, or how the fight for her mother's existence would proceed even after her frame fought off COVID-19."The crew of scientific execs right here at St. Mark's Sanatorium confirmed her and all COVID sufferers the maximum humility and adornment, changing into an extension of our circle of relatives. They love their sufferers one thing fierce," Mariah Liechty stated.The mum and daughter have been each joyfully greeted through many well being care staff on the rite.Johnstun stated thru working out the best way to deal with COVID-19 sufferers, well being care staff at St. Marks realized the best way to combat in combination as a crew. He stated the pandemic modified him as a physician, particularly in how he approaches sufferers' households and his activity normally."The arena won't ever be the similar, and I completely would possibly not be the similar. I don't believe somebody that is lived thru this, from a well being care perspective, would be the identical," he stated.He stated that he thinks well being care staff will communicate to their grandkids about dwelling thru the previous few years very similar to how he has heard other people discuss their time dwelling thru struggle.The Rev. Nancy Cormack-Hughes, St. Mark’s Sanatorium director of non secular care, hugs Mariah Liechty all the way through MountainStar Healthcare’s COVID-19 memorial rite out of doors of St. Mark’s Sanatorium in Millcreek on Wednesday. Liechty’s mom spent 70 days at St. Mark’s Sanatorium preventing COVID-19 and its aftereffects. (Picture: Kristin Murphy, Deseret Information)Something Johnstun stated that he realized is that hospices could have even the newest generation, however there are nonetheless occasions when there may be simply not anything that may be carried out to avoid wasting any person who's loss of life. He additionally stated he realized the best way to assist households and sufferers way demise, realizing that there's not anything they are able to do to prevent it.Johnstun stated that during the pandemic, he was once despatched to different states once they wanted assist since there's a scarcity of crucial care medical doctors and pulmonary medical doctors. All through spikes of COVID-19, operating best 16 hours can be regarded as a just right day, when shifts are scheduled to be 12 hours, he stated, including that he and different medical doctors would often pick out up further shifts, resulting in 24- or 36-hour shifts.At this level, he stated he's "cautiously positive" that the group has taken sufficient steps that COVID-19 will keep beneath keep an eye on in any long term variants.Nicki Roderman, the manager nursing officer at St. Mark's Sanatorium, stated the closing two years were difficult as nurses, medical doctors and give a boost to body of workers have had to adapt and alter, doing issues otherwise than ever earlier than. She stated, particularly at first of the pandemic, issues have been converting continuously it was once irritating."It is a entire crew, and it takes an entire village," she stated.The general public who have been operating on the sanatorium within the COVID unit or the ICU at first of the pandemic are nonetheless there two years later, she stated, and the body of workers turns out more potent on account of the onerous years they went thru in combination."Well being care staff are right here for a goal. We're all right here for the sufferers. We don't seem to be right here for anything," she stated.×PicturesSimilar TalesTagsUtahCoronavirusExtra tales you can be fascinated about [ad_2] #Utah #sanatorium #celebrates #generation #hope #marking #years #COVID #fight

[dangermousie]

This is super helpful!

Side note: if TKA had too much murder for you, Under the Queen's Umbrella probably will too. And I am not sure about Three Musketeers.

So, I excluded: any war-heavy epics (so definitely avoid 6 Flying Dragons, or anything Lee Bang Won adjacent, for that matter. I am currently rewatching My Country which is in my Top 10, but you would NOT like it), dramas with tragic endings, dramas with heavy dose of mysticism/supernatural, time slip, or generally too much murder (TKA v Matchmakers was actually a super helpful benchmarks.)

Here is the list in addition to the ones I mentioned or others like Royal Secret Inspector and Joy that were mentioned in comments.

Dae Jung Geum (2003) - this is the oldest drama on the list, so you have to be OK with a drama that looks older. This said, it was a huge hit and is a female centric story with little murder. FL starts out a cook and ends up as first female royal physician.

Ballad of Seo Dong (2005) - once again older and might have too much murder (not sure?), this is a star-crossed story between royals of two rival kingdoms. I am putting it on the list because out of all pre-Joseon sageuks, this is the closest to meeting your preferences but honestly, probably not.

Sungkyunkwan Scandal (2010) - by far my favorite drama on this list. Our heroine is a girl crossdressing as a boy to attend Sungkyunkwan, the prestigious university. There her paths cross with a very upright son of a minister, a rich kid, and a potential rebellious one. It was a big hit for a reason - the characters are great, the romance top-notch and it's just a delight.

Dong Yi (2012) - the most traditional drama on the list (and the longest, at 60 eps), this follows a woman who rises from servant to favorite royal concubine. She's pretty saintly so there isn't much murder. You have not to mind polygamy or age gap.

Maids (2014) - I sort of struggled as to where recommend this one because it's probably a bit too grim/murdery for you. But you mentioned non-royal-adjacent sageuks and while they do exist and I adore them, they tend to be the most grim/bloody of the lot. This is one of the few that's not fully like that.

100 Days My Prince (2018) - a fluffy romcom piece about a prince with amnesia.

Flower Crew: Joseon Marriage Agency (2019) - a group of hot dudes engage in matchmaking and are tasked in getting the king's chosen bride up to snuff. It's vvvvvv fluffy but cute.

The Tale of Nokdu (2019) - I don't think there is too much murder but perhaps on the cusp for you. Our ML cross-dresses as a girl to hide and runs across the fun fierce young heroine.

Secret Royal Inspector (2020) - not to be confused with Secret Royal Inspector and Joy which is an entirely different drama with different actors that would also fit but someone recommended to you already. Basically our protags travel Joseon and solve crimes. Because there are crimes there is some blood but it's a pretty lighthearted drama.

Bossam (2021) - an excellent daily life sageuk. It addresses the custom of "kidnapping" widows so they could have an excuse to remarry. This story starts when a low-life ML hired to kidnap one such widow kidnaps the wrong woman by mistake. It can be pretty grim but it's such a lovely hopeful drama and surprisingly low on murder.

Moonshine (2022) - about Korean prohibition in Joseon times. I am not a big fan (tho the romance is occasionally cute) but it's def fluffy.

Poong the Joseon Psychiatrist (2022) - what it says on the tin. Two seasons. It's sort of a psych procedural set in ye olde tymes.

Joseon Attorney (2023) - once again what it says on the tin. A procedural with an underlying revenge for wrongs plot.

Knight Flower (2024) - our FL is a meek widow by day and Robin Hood by night. This is more a comedy than anything.

This is not the world's largest list because no blood excludes a LOT but hopefully it's something.

PS I second @aceinthetrap comment that if you enjoyed Live Up To You Name, you might like Queen In Hyun's Man (2012), about a nobleman who acquires a talisman that under certain conditions transplants him into the modern world and he crosses paths with an actress.

I wanna watch another good sageuk so bad this year, but I haven’t found anything that appeals to me. Anyone have any suggestions for something that isn’t all death and destruction? (And with no time travel, because then that doesn’t really count as a sageuk.)

[sheetsonfire]

Old Flames Can Still Burn You | Part 1

Fandom: Chicago Med / Chicago PD

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Genre: Angst, drama, romance

Warnings: Descriptions of past domestic abuse, emotional manipulation, blackmail, panic attacks

Word Count: 3494

Prompt From @afro-hispwriter: Ava Bekker is from Reader's past, now together with Jay Halstead they must face the return of everything Reader wanted to escape from.

A/N: I don't know if this is darker than expected, but I hope you enjoy it all the same!

-

You cradled your coffee in your hands, letting the radiating heat warm up cold fingers as you sat on the bench outside the hospital. You were bundled in your hat and coat, sitting next to Natalie and April as they chattered away about Owen’s new pre-school and what Noah had been like as a toddler. The giggles from the two women made you smile - it felt good to be among friends, with a job you cherished.

As had become a tradition since Connor’s arrival, he would buy his friends' lunch at least once a month if not more often - today was one of those occasions. Taking a bite of your own tortilla, you watched Connor squabble with Will to the side of the food cart, the former trying to convince the latter to try a new tortilla filling. Your smile turned into soft rumbles of laughter as Natalie shook her head at the men - they were the real children sometimes.

Eventually, Connor and Will return to the group with their lunch choices and Will seems smug, you assume he got his way instead of caving to Connor’s recommendations. You catch Connor’s eye, shaking your head with a grin, shrugging as if to say “What can you do?” 

“Hey! I saw that!” Will grumbles at you, only making you laugh more when he swats the back of Connor’s head. 

You shrug with a teasing smile, “It’s not my fault you’re afraid of change. Maybe we should get you to Dr Charles about that…”

Will playfully kicks your shoe and you swipe back at him with your foot, Will smarting back at you that Dr Charles is “a psychiatrist, not a therapist.” 

“Hm, I never said you didn’t need both, buddy.” You wink, taking a bigger bite of your lunch as Will comes to sit opposite you with Connor who was stifling his amusement to avoid another whack.

“Remind me why we’re outside again?” You sigh, feeling the cold creep beneath your clothes and to your skin, despite your layers. 

April groaned in sympathy, she had a scarf on as well as a jacket and hat, yet looked colder than you. “Because the cafeteria had a leak this morning, it’s apparently a limited-capacity area for the rest of the day.”

“And we’re not in the on-call room because…?” You sipped more eagerly at your coffee, 

“Because it’s already got people in there who called first dibs.” Natalie supplies, rolling her eyes at the bad luck your troupe had been handed.

You wrinkle your nose in disapproval, knowing you only had about five more minutes until you caved and went back inside to do literally anything, so long as you could stay warm. “Ah…Suppose the fresh air is something, but maybe too fresh.”

“Besides…” Will starts, finishing a mouth full of his lunch, “Connor’s avoiding his new competition.” He raises his eyebrows, clearly pleased with himself for having ‘gossip’. 

You and your two bench companions turn your attention to Connor who sighs, wishing Will hadn’t brought it up. Things had been difficult of late, he was starting to think his reaction to the new CT Fellow was more to do with his mood than anything else.

“Look, things have been hard enough proving to Dr Latham I’m good enough to be his CT fellow and then the hospital decided to let a second Fellow join. He seemed delighted this morning when he told me.”

Natalie chimes in, having known Dr Latham a lot longer than Connor she had been periodically trying to reassure the surgeon that Dr Latham had the greatest respect for him. 

“Connor, you know Dr Latham isn’t petty like that, and we all know how good of a physician you are." Natalie encourages, and you nod in agreement, nobody ever doubted how excellent Connor was at his job, Nat then continues, "He’s probably just excited to have two great minds instead of one working for him. Presumably, this new doctor is a great mind too, right?”

Connor’s jaw clenches, thinking back to his first interaction with the new doctor, she had been… forward. It wasn’t usually a problem for Connor but there was a smugness to her, and he had felt defensive when she immediately diagnosed Dr Latham with Asperger's, annoyed that she would presume to know the man he had tried so hard to build a rapport with. Then again, he mused, the referral he had seen spoke for itself, she was an exciting new prospect from a professional standpoint. 

“Well yeah… yeah, of course, she was one of the top names in South Africa, Latham’s pick before me. Goodwin encouraged him to put his faith in me like Dr Downey did…" You all nod, sparing a thought for the late Dr Downey with whom Connor had really connected.

Connor turns to you, "Actually, she’s come from Groote Schuur in Cape Town. Y/N, you might have heard of her, Ava Bekker?”

The second Connor had said “Groote Schuur” your stomach had threatened to return your lunch back to the picnic table and over your friends. Your stomach felt like lead and you could feel the clamminess instantly break out over your skin beneath your winter layers. The world had started to zone out from focus, clumsily putting your coffee back on the table before you could drop it entirely.

Your friends knew you had spent nearly two years in South Africa, after becoming a fully qualified Emergency Medicine doctor as part of a fellowship programme. You had worked in the ED of Groote Schuur… but what they didn’t know was that you knew Ava Bekker all too well.

“Y/N, you okay?” Connor asks, confused at your reaction. 

Your throat felt tight, and your heart hammered away with adrenaline pulsing, you had to take a second away from the group, you didn’t want them to see how messed up you felt at the mere mention of her. 

“I-I’m fine, just uh…overate. I just need to take a walk, I’ll be right back, you guys go on inside before you, uh, freeze...” You give them all a tight smile, shuffling off the wooden seat, leaving behind a half-eaten tortilla that didn’t quite convince them of your excuse. You headed in the direction of the parking lot, not daring to look back at the concerned faces of your friends.

-

“Should I follow-?” Connor asks, Will considering the same himself. 

Natalie shakes her head, “Give her a minute, we can find out what that was soon enough.”

-

With shaking legs you hastily move towards a rarely used break spot at the side of the ED's main building, adjacent to the rows of parked cars, except as you stumbled with your head down you walked smack bang into a firm body. 

You yelp, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I-I-...” You can’t help your jittered words as your brain fires a thousand thoughts at once. Ready to apologise profusely for not being more observant, you're panting hard. Steadying hands grasp your shoulders gently, making you finally look up to see who it was. 

“Y/N?” Jay’s face falls from confusion to concern when he sees your panicked expression. “What’s wrong?” 

Seeing Jay brings all of your emotions to the fore, tears stinging your dried-out eyes in the cold, your breaths are erratic and you can’t make the pain in your chest shift. 

“J-ay…” Trying your best to communicate to your boyfriend of almost a year what the problem was. 

“Hey, come on, it’s alright. Just breathe for me, sweetheart. I got you, let’s step inside out of the cold.” He puts a gentle arm around you, supporting you as he guides you through a side door, let in by one of the security guards.

It’s then that a nurse spots your boyfriend holding your distressed frame, watching him look for somewhere to take you away from the commotion of the hospital. 

She wanders over, coming over to see if you needed help.

“Sir, is everything okay, is she hurt?” 

“Uh no, sorry, Dr Y/L/N works here, I think she’s having a panic attack... I’m her boyfriend.” Jay flashes his badge, “Detective Jay Halstead. You got somewhere private, so we can just take a second?”

The nurse glances at you, watching you try and take slow steady breaths, hot tears running down your cheeks, shaking from the cold and the anxiety. 

“Do you know this Detective, hon, do you need me to stay?” She asks gently, hoping Jay wouldn’t take too much offence, as she did her due diligence to keep a fellow staff member safe, you could never be too careful.

“I-It’s okay, he is…” You take another deep inhale and exhale, “...my boyfriend.”

The nurse smiles sympathetically. “Alright, hon. This assessment room here is free for the next hour, you take the time you need, okay?” She takes in the colour of your scrubs, knowing you came from the ED. “Is your Charge Nurse, Maggie Lockwood?” 

You nod, sniffing as you focus on Jay’s hands on you, the warmth of his touch is something to ground you as nausea sits uncomfortably in your throat.

“I’ll let her know where you are and who you’re with. If you need anything, I’m gonna be at that station over there, alright?” 

You nod again, trying for a smile but you’re sure it comes out as a weary sniffle.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Jay thanks her sincerely, guiding you to the room as he helps you sit in a chair, moving away only to close the door gently. 

You sit staring at your hands as they shake, your head still spinning as you hear Jay approach, the soft rustle of him taking his coat off. He bends down to crouch in front of you,

“Sweetheart, can I scoot in a little closer and hold your hands?” He asks gently, 

You nod to convey your permission, “You…can…” eyes closed in some sort of relief as your boyfriend carefully takes your hands in his, thumbs immediately stroking over your knuckles. 

“You’re freezing.” He murmurs, moving a little closer so he can see your face. 

You lift your head slightly with a pained expression that makes Jay’s chest ache, inhaling as deeply as you can before releasing a shaky exhale, your extremities feel weak and numb, just taking the time to catch your breath again. 

Jay scans the room, thankful that there was a pile of thin blankets in a cupboard just within reach. It would do for now.

Carefully he helps you shed your jacket and your hat, replacing it with the warm, dry, blanket around you. A gentle hand rubs your back slowly,

“I got you, I’m right here, Y/N. Just take it easy, I know it’s scary but you’ll be okay… I just need to let Voight know where I am, give me two seconds.” You nod silently, clutching Jay’s arm a little as he reaches for his phone, still feeling panicked as you don’t want him to move away.

“It’s alright, I’m staying, I won’t let go.” He soothes, dialling Hank’s cell, watching you with concern as he sees the exhaustion setting in from your attack.

“Voight, I’ve got a family emergency with Y/N… No, she’s, she’s gonna be okay, but I need an hour to take care of it. Yeah, of course, no, it’s alright, I just need some time… Appreciate it, alright, thanks.” 

Your boyfriend turns his attention back to you, one hand settling back over yours, the other remaining in soothing motions across your back, you put your head down a little more, trying to get nausea to shift, you can feel the edges of your vision going, tilting to one side as you lose your sense of gravity. “Woah, hey, it’s alright, honey, I’ve got you.” 

Jay stands in such a way that he can continue to support your wavering body, flexing out a leg to hook a second chair in the room with his boot, bringing it closer to sit by your side, letting you fall completely against him.

“It’s okay, feel my hands, squeeze if you can, breathe with me, slow it down, Y/N…”

Once you’re sure you’re not going to pass out, you relax into Jay’s hold, but you find it hard to stay awake as your heart skitters, only the sounds of your laboured breathing fill the room.

“That’s it, Y/N, it’s going to pass. You’re breathing better, you got this.”

You don’t how much time passes, but eventually the ringing stops, your extremities regain their feeling and your breathing is virtually back to normal. You’re so tired, but at least aware of yourself again. Feeling the heat of embarrassment creep up on you, you try and sit up in Jay’s embrace.

Jay remains quiet, letting you gather your thoughts. 

“Hi…” You rasp, sniffing as you wipe away the wetness on your cheeks. 

“Hey, you with me now?” Jay asks softly, soothing your forehead with a kiss. 

You nod, groaning as you can’t believe how badly you reacted to the conversation during lunch.

“I’m so embarrassed.” You murmur, resting your head on Jay’s shoulder, wrapping your arms around him.

“No need to feel embarrassed, honey. That was a bad one, you haven’t had one of those since those first months we met…” Jay doesn’t push, but he wants to know what could have triggered you so badly, squeezing you gently in the hug.

“Yeah, I know.” You sigh, lifting your head to look at the detective. “Uh…I, um, Jay… She’s here. A-...Ava’s here.” You exhale harshly, still feeling a visceral anger and fear at what this could mean for you.

“What? The reason you came back home, Ava?” Jay’s eyes have darkened, he knew all about your ex from before, it was part of the reason you had struggled so much to let Jay be there for you at first.

You nod, a moroseness overcoming your mood.

Yes, Ava Bekker was the reason you’d come home to Chicago last year. What at first had seemed like an exciting and hopeful romance, with even a permanent future to speak of, had turned into a mess of manipulative, controlling and exhausting behaviour on Ava’s part. 

It had got to the point where you had felt like you were going crazy, with no other choice but to take it to the police in Cape Town. It should have been a straightforward process, their laws on domestic violence were clear, but eventually, Ava had weaselled her way out of legal repercussions and you were left alone without a support system. Without so much as a restraining order to rely on, you decided it was better to simply walk away from your life there, coming back to Chicago where you knew she couldn’t follow. Until now, at least.

Coming back out of your thoughts you turn your gaze to Jay, you cup his cheek gently and lean in for a kiss, feeling his presence was doing wonders for your nerves. As you wrap yourself around him for a tighter embrace, you feel the rough material of his tactical vest. You pull back, frowning, realising that somewhere in your panic that you had heard him talk to Voight on the phone. 

“Wait, you here for work? Did I take you away from work?” 

Jay smiles wryly, stroking the back of your neck soothingly. “Sort of. It’s fine, I’d already given the witness statement I came to get to Voight before you ran into me.” 

You take a breath, “Okay, okay good… Seriously, Jay, you didn’t have to stay.” 

Jay huffs out a laugh, shaking his head as he kisses you again. “I was supposed to scoot you on over to Will and leave you to it? Now that I know why you were so upset? I don’t think so, honey.” 

You smile sheepishly, he had a point. “Okay, fair. It’s just, you know I hate being an inconvenience.” 

Jay cups your face, giving you a loving but stern look. “Being worried about this is not an inconvenience, Y/N. Seriously, I don’t have to tell you that domestic abuse is no light and breezy thing. You still have the police reports you gave back in South Africa, right?”

You nod, worrying your lip between your teeth. 

“Okay, so we’re gonna keep documentation of everything that happens here. Is there anything you can do in terms of reporting a conflict of interest to Goodwin?” 

“I…” Your heart picks up again, nerves jangling in your veins. “I don’t know, Jay. It’s my word against Ava's here, these people don’t know her like I do. I could try, I just… she made it hard for people to be around me last time, this is how it started, people questioning what was going on, thinking I was too much trouble because of her.” Tears spring back to your eyes, and you swipe them away angrily. 

“This is a nightmare, you…you think she came here because she knows I’m here?” You swallow, partially already knowing the answer. Ava knew every facet of your life before, she would always cancel plans with your friends, citing you had fallen ill or had something else come up, then when it came to seeing those friends again they would ask how you were after the cancellation and you never knew what they were talking about - it made you out to be a liar. 

She guilted you into thinking you weren’t grateful for her companionship, so you would overcompensate and do more to please her and win her affection. It had become an endless cycle, one that started to affect your work with patients and colleagues. In Ava’s eyes, her knowledge and expertise were always superior, it meant you began to question everything you did, which led you to self-medicating to cope - that had been the end for you.

“Sweetheart, I have to be honest, I’ve seen these types of situations a lot in my work. It would be naive to think she didn’t come here to mess with you, but now that we know she’s around, we’re gonna be vigilant. We’re gonna talk to Goodwin, Ethan, Maggie, Will… we’ll make sure that enough people know to keep her on a short leash. You have good friends here, family, and they’re not going to ditch you for her. You know that right?”

You sniff, resting your head on Jay’s shoulder. “Yeah… I know, I trust all of you… And Connor…she’s his new CT fellow. Oh god, poor Connor.”

His warm hand rests on the back of your head, lightly massaging your scalp. “We’ll make sure Connor knows too, it’s alright.” 

You nod against his shoulder again, taking another measured inhale and exhale. “Okay. Thank you, Jay, I am so glad you’re with me on this.” You lean back, squeezing his arm gratefully. You knew what a loving, healthy and communicative relationship could be like thanks to him.

He smiles fondly, “This isn’t a thankable situation, you just deserve better, and I want to make sure you have that… Do you want me to take you home?” 

You think about it for a moment, you sort if it did just want to curl up in your shared apartment with Jay and reset tomorrow. But you shake your head, a steeled look overtaking your worried expression.

“She’s crashed into my home, my life, I won’t let her scare me off already. I want to get back to work and face it all head-on.” 

Jay leans in to kiss you again, nodding, “Whatever you choose, I’m with you. Let’s get you back to the ED. If you’re ready, I’ll talk to some of the others real quick, and then I’ll head back to the 21st.”

-

You make your way out of the small room with Jay in tow, and you feel his hand rest comfortingly on the small of your back. 

The nurse gives you an inquiring look, and you smile and nod in confirmation that you were doing better. 

As you approached the double doors to the ED you felt your stomach knot up once again, Jay could feel you tense next to him.

He carefully stops you, turning to face you, “Hey, you don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. People will understand.”

You look into Jay’s intensely sincere eyes, wondering how you could be so lucky to have someone like him. You felt tired but not so much that the rest of the day was a write-off, you really wanted to make sure you didn’t let this disrupt your life already, Ava couldn’t do this to you again. You shake your head, “I can do it. You’re here, I’m going to be alright.”

He smiles, leaning in to kiss you soft and slow, you rest your hand on his chest, letting the moment linger, both of you unaware of the burning eyes that watch you from down the hall.

-

End of Part 1

@dumb-fawkin-bitch

Part 2

[romanticchemacademic]

Dear future health professionals and stem professors,

We need a revolution of thought. Only through a renaissance of pure and genuine passion towards medicine and other sciences will we have competent doctors, nurses, other healthcare workers, and teachers. We live in a world where people pursue noble professions for the sake of social and economic advancement. However, we lack individuals who love the process of learning and their career.

I recollect quite a marvelous excerpt written by one of the world’s greatest scientific minds, Albert Einstein. In his book, The World As I see It he writes:

ACADEMIC CHAIRS ARE MANY, but wise and noble teachers are few; lecture rooms are numerous and large, but the number of young people who genuinely thirst for truth and justice is small. Nature scatters her common wares with a lavish hand, but the choice sort she produces but seldom.

We all know that, so why complain? Was it not ever thus and will it not ever thus remain? Certainly, and one must take what nature gives as one finds it. But there is also such a thing as a spirit of the times, an attitude of mind characteristic of a particular generation, which is passed on from individual to individual and gives a society its particular tone. Each of us has to do his little bit towards transforming this spirit of the times.

Compare the spirit which animated the youth in our universities a hundred years ago with that prevailing today. They had faith in the amelioration of human society, respect for every honest opinion, the tolerance for which our classics had lived and fought. 

  I believe that one of the faults lies within education institutions. Educators rely on testing, textbooks, and detached memorized lectures. Lectures lack passion and another essential factor: the real practice. The theory is important but the practice is necessary to understand the theory. But without passion, nobody will learn to love the material being taught. Ibn Sina is known for being one of the greatest physicians and teachers of Islamic medicine. I am not completely sure whether what I am about to mention is true. But I read that when he lectured theory to the medical students at the Madrassa (University) he would show them how it worked. Besides medical history and theory. He also taught physics, astronomy, philosophy, and mathematics. However, he is also famed for being an excellent teacher duly because he would take his students to test out the theories and practice what they have been taught. If they were learning medical theory, they were taken to the hospital to observe patients and their cases. If they were learning astronomy, they would all gather in the evening to look up at the heavens to look at the constellations. Lastly, his passion for his vocation was the final touch. Educators without the drive cannot teach. Learning is about understanding oneself, others, and the world. Learning evolves our minds and our spirits by making us get in harmony with the universe. I believe this ties in with Aristotle’s famous saying, “The unexamined life is not worth living”. Though my interpretation may be a wee bit off, I translate it as thus; we can gather all textbook knowledge as possible but if we do not put into practice the knowledge learned, what is the point? I yearn and I pine to experience all that I have learned. I want to see why the theory makes sense in reality. I want to conduct experiments. So much potential is being wasted. Biology is the study of life. However, when I took the course, it was so cold to a point that it did not even feel like I was studying the human body but something alien instead. There is also such a rush to memorize material within a couple of weeks because of exams that the material ceases to be interesting and becomes more of an arduous chore instead. Our sense of time-shifted completely after the industrial revolution. Perhaps this is a reason why we feel the need to rush through everything and not take our time to study profoundly. 

We need another Scientific Revolution, curious minds thirsting for the acquisition of knowledge and unanswered questions. However, I believe that the leading force behind this is a necessity. I would like to mention an example to illustrate what I mean from a novel I read a while ago called, The Physician by Noah Gordon. A boy from Medieval Europe lost his mother from an unknown disease leaving him orphaned. He then grew up with the necessity to learn what the disease was and how to prevent other similar deaths, so that others do not suffer what he has suffered. He then worked with Barbers (people who performed medical procedures in Medieval Europe). But the medical knowledge these professionals had was not enough to answer his question. Thus, he traveled to Persia where there was a quite renowned and exclusive medical school. He did not have the economic means or previous schooling to attend but he impressed the headmaster with his passion and knowledge. Thus, the headmaster admitted him into the Madrassa. The European boy then invested all his time doing research, dissections and treating patients until he finally found out what ailment caused his mother’s death, side sickness (appendicitis). He figured out a way to treat this illness, removal of the appendix. From his initial necessity which was the driving force for him to pursue a medical career, he became a famous physician and felt that all his suffering and odyssey were worthwhile. The sense of necessity leads to the feeling of passion. It was his love for his mother that made him follow such a journey full of obstacles. I am beginning to apply that to my own life. I want to figure out my necessity which will be the driving force to power through university and medical school without ever feeling burnt out. I want to feel fulfilled. I believe this is what all pre-medical students and teachers should think about. What is your necessity? We are going to be dealing with human life, someone’s mother, father, friend, sister, uncle, lover, husband, or child...It is not something to be taken lightly. I know so many doctors lacking empathy because they went into the medical field with just the intention of being acknowledged as “Doctors” and getting rich. But I feel that even the most apathetic healthcare workers can become great empathetic professionals the moment they realize that something was triggered deep inside them, perhaps a loved one having an unknown disease. This would lead the apathetic doctor to do mass amounts of research to try to find a cure. This feeling becomes a necessity. A necessity to not lose the loved one. A necessity to save lives. Thus, finding passion, purpose, and becoming a better person. Though each person is different, we all share a selfish feeling. Most of the time we do not truly care about other peoples’ suffering until it happens to us. Once we are affected by something, we drive all our time and attention to find a solution or a way to deal with a problem. We become consumed and completely obsessed by it. I regard this as passion. I do not think passion subsides, it lingers on inside us. It is a fire that never burns out. I remember my high school teacher writing in my yearbook:

Remember a few things, BE PATIENT. You are eager and you will accomplish so much. But take your time, you are always rushing. Life is a journey, it is not about the destination. Be picky. You love everything with enthusiasm but enthusiasm can burn out. Find a fire inside yourself that burns for a long time.

-V

We cannot rush our personal legend. I believe it comes to us. It is Maktub (it’s written). But we also have to do something. Imagine you are on a stranded island but you have a machete, a fishing rod, coconuts, a cave for shelter, wood for a fire, an ocean full of fish. Everything required for survival is there, but you simply have to cut open the coconut with the machete, go fishing for food, fire to cook, and warmth. The fish isn’t going to swim right into your hands and the fire will not light itself. We must use our resources and do our bit. The Universe has a lot going on, we must help out a bit.

If you ever think about quitting, try to remember what made you start your odyssey in the first place. I do not know what my necessity is yet but that is okay. I believe it will come to me eventually. So for now, I simply love to romanticize academia. I like to imagine the: earthy tones of the universities archways, cobblestone paths, laboratories with clean Erlenmeyer flasks, beakers, pristine white lab coats, bunsen burner flames changing colors as different salts are added, Bromothymol Blue pen stains, elegant calculations inside a worn leather-bound notebook, formulas scrawled over the blackboard, forgotten cold Irish breakfast tea on the desk, academics discussing theories, applause from a successful experiment, gray rainy days spent inside the lab, Whitman, Hemingway, et Sir Arthur Conon Doyle being read during break, intellectual conversations with professors, chemistry reports being written, molecular models built, volumes of ancient words, fire slowly burning in the stone fireplace, trying to understand, looking at the constellations on a clear night in the astronomy tower, reciting poetry, Tchaikovsky playing whilst completing a long lab report on Lê Chatelier’s theory of Equilibrium, curious minds, sleepless evenings in the library, beautiful anatomical illustrations...Just imagining these things motivate and inspire me to continue my path. Though it may seem superficial, it awakens something inside me. I yearn and I pine to become a Chemistry Romantic. 

I want to conclude this letter by saying that pupils and educators keep ideals alive and can change them accordingly as well. We have the power to become excellent professionals or simply exist and do nothing for the human race. But if you plan on becoming a physician or educator, you must find the trigger which brings your passion to life, your necessity. Once you find that, you are guaranteed greatness and fulfillment. However, do not rush. Perfection takes time. A couple of obstacles should not hinder you from persevering. Many will tell you to give up but do not. That is the Universe testing you. Do your best until you master the topic. Once you know better, you are then able to do better. 

Regards,

Confessions from a Chemistry Academic

[bookwyrminspiration]

TW// Drugs n such

you asked for it smh, but I've been thinking a lot about that one scene in Neverseen in Exilliums healing tent (or whatever its called)

I had a whole rant here about what the implication of this 'serum' might mean in the lost cities but it kinda spiraled into nothing so I'm cutting it out. (main point was just the mood towards drugs, Shannon has had previous mentions of both alcohol and drunk people, so (though im not saying she should incorporate this into a middle grade book series a t a l l), Id be curious to see her take on drugs, (if they exist and how they effect people and the elven population // how is it treated? Is it looked down upon or even forbidden (why we might only see it in Exillium territories) or is it so normal and inconsequential that its just part of the norm in the lost cities?

but anyway, back to the thing I was originally thinking of - i feel like this is something rarely talked about but pls tell me I'm not the only one who has picked up on how weird Keefe's relationship with sedatives is. It's such a contrast to Sophie, where she's openly opposed to taking any type of sedative he seems to be really open to them, in fact in Unlocked every time he's knocked out by a sedative his language is pretty much always positive, like he really enjoys it. This probably just ties into something you mentioned a while back about Keefe and dealing with stuff by running away but I find it really interesting.

(Sorry if this is an uncomfortable ask to get, I know not everyone is comfortable with drug talk and I hope this Isn't overstepping a line.)

you're fine, don't worry! no lines overstepped. I appreciate you including the warning at the top, even though I'm alright talking with the subject. if there's something I'm uncomfortable with, that's not on you to know or worry about because I haven't shared any of my specific triggers, and the more anxiety-inducing ones are so specific to my personal experiences that I highly doubt they'll ever have any effect on any conversation ever. but I do genuinely appreciate your concern <33

I don't remember specifically what I asked for, but this is a topic I hadn't even realized was so fascinating, so thank you for bringing it up! That scene is kinda funny (as in weird) looking back on it, but Keefe was completely out of it and being a lot more vulnerable than he probably wanted to be due to his state of mind. I think it was intended to mirror something like anesthesia or laughing gas (note: in my brief research trying to find info about the boobrie dude I made a mental comparison between tam and sandor, so I'm just making note of it here so I don't forget), at least as far as Keefe's reaction goes. I think part of this was strategic so that we could get some information and vulnerability (although unwillingly) from Keefe and get that first glimpse of "the boy beneath all that swagger" (paraphrased from Sophie). But that's not what your ask is about so I'll move on before I get even more distracted.

wine, at the very least, exists in the lost cities. we've got fizzleberry wine, which is blamed by some for Caprise Redek's accident. Aside from that we've seen no mention of it, as this is a middle grade series about a young teen girl in a fantasy world, and in a "perfect" world there isn't a lot of talk about recreational substances. And I agree with you! this isn't to say that I think drugs and alcohol should be this huge thing in keeper or that it even needs to be address, just commenting that the attitude the general public has towards substances and intoxication is likely even more severe in the elven world, as has been the pattern with other things. We can tell from Caprise's incident that their wine functions similar if not identical to ours, as it was said to have impaired her motor control and thinking, hence how she fell off that balcony. So I think we could assume that drugs in the Lost Cities would be similar to those in the Forbidden Cities in function. Not in name though, likely named after some strange elven thing. Though if we go with the wine example, Fizzleberry is likely an exact description of what it is--the wine probably fizzes and is made from berries.

the elves highly value the mind, so I anticipate that anything that messes with it past beneficial medicinal uses prescribed by a physician are frowned upon. they think of your mental capacity and capabilities as integral to who you are, and composure as essential. drugs take that away and can impair your reasoning, hence my conclusion they're not well liked. however, I propose that this mindset is mostly those who are very proper, for example Lord Cassius. Dex was more than ready to take concentration serums of his own making--and convinced Sophie to take one (note: dex has almost killed both Sophie and Fitz. that can't be fun to know)--which directly messed with his limbic center. However, as he was raised in an apothecary and is already a little less in line with all other elvin values, I don't think him being an outlier is enough to completely through out my assumption. overall: looked down upon because it messes with the mind and the mind is crucial to elven society, and the way it impairs your thinking would make you a lesser person

and you're right! keefe's relationship with sedative is weird. we have this teenager who grew up without stable supports or a loving family having very little regard for how substances will effect his body, prioritizing the possible--not guaranteed, possible--benefits over all the risks. this is not to say drug use is inherently bad, just that the situation he's in makes me very cautious because he feels more at risk of falling into bad habits. also, your observation about tying that into him running away is very astute! i've talked a lot about him running away from his problems in more ways that physical, and I think this is an excellent example of that

he doesn't like his reality, the world he lives in when he's awake and aware and lucid. it's full of all these problems and people and he doesn't know what to do. but when he's asleep? he doesn't have to deal with any of that. he doesn't have to do anything, but he's also troubled enough and anxious enough that sleep doesn't always come easy, and he can be plagued by nightmares. but those sedatives mess with his mind and not only make him sleep faster and longer, but they can mess with your dreams and alter the reality you experience while asleep. i guess it could be a way of trying to take control of a situation he had very little control over, especially in unlocked when everyone else was trying to fix things without consulting him. with his waking world that bad, of course he's gonna like anything that takes him away from it.

it stands out especially when we switch to him as a narrator and he's praising these things and wanting to be sedated, as we've spent so long in Sophie's head and she's so against them from the trauma she experienced in the first book. that could mean his attitude them is more jarring just because we're used to Sophie and it wouldn't seem as dramatic if we'd switched from say, Fitz's head. but that doesn't mean there's nothing here.

i think i've said it before, but Keefe doesn't have any healthy coping strategies right now that he consistently relies on. his deference towards avoidance and making the problem go away, even if it's just in feeling induced by drugs, is a more extreme example of how he doesn't know how to just exist without hurting.

I jumped around a bit between topics so if I missed something you wanted to talk about more in depth please feel free to send another ask! Keefe's relationship to experiencing reality is fascinating and covers things from denial and refusal to change all the way to drugs and literally altering the way his brain perceives reality. This boy is on a collision course with destruction in both body and mind.

[melancholic-pigeon]

Ficbits #3

(ETA: now with ficlet!)

I gave Jason a bunch of physical ailments in my fic because I have a bunch of physical ailments and the whole football player thing struck me as having the same problems being a demigod would— battering the shit out of your body until it falls apart way younger than it otherwise would.

(Seriously. There's a reason NFL players retire so young. They have the bodily damage of an 80 year old by the time they're 35.)

AND I HAVE A MIGRAINE SO

Jason started getting them when he was a kid. At first, the idea was that he had a nervous stomach from his Shitty Early Childhood, since it first presented with nausea and abdominal pain. He would seek out a dark room and go to sleep.

When they kept happening and he got older and started complaining of headaches, he was taken to Every Physician Ever, the Best of the Best, and got a diagnosis pretty quick.

They got a lot worse at around seventh grade, because he started going nearsighted and doing more complex math at the same time, which caused pretty nasty eye strain.

His prodromes typically involve fatigue and depression. His auras take the form of flashing lights and electrical shock-like sensations.

The pain is excruciating, but he sucks it up and pushes through it and ends up making them worse. Sometimes he'll be out on the field and have to go jog over to a trash can to puke. He typically insists on continuing practice afterwards.

He's very good at this, except when it comes to his People, who have seen them get bad enough to recognize the warning signs— he goes pale and a little clammy, his eye gets slightly bloodshot on the side where he has pain, he takes a little longer to answer questions, he starts turning down the volume on things.

Percy can kill them, sometimes, with judicious application of endorphins and excellent neck massages. Clarisse taught him how to use his elbow to break up a muscle spasm, and Jason owes her many days he otherwise would have lost to a haze of pain.

Leo can alleviate a lot of the symptoms by making Jason the spiciest food he can possibly handle— clearing out his sinuses and flooding him with Heat Endorphins, primarily.

Sally gets migraines also, and since she and Jason are a lot alike in a lot of ways, she Gets It. She once went to work with one and kept going until she passed out behind the counter, which her coworkers found very alarming.

This means she's good at tricking herself into resting, because she's had a lot longer than he has to get over some of those impulses, and she's taken him on as her protege.

Postdrome days are lazy. He tends to spend them in bed, which Irritates him, because he's already been in bed for two days lying facedown moaning in agony and he wants to do stuff, dammit.

(His postdromes present with soreness, irritability, fatigue and brain fog. Percy thinks he's cute when he's grouchy, but that the tradeoff isn't worth it.)

(It is, however, nice to get piled on top of by your polycule and waited on a little bit.)

Jason's migraines were cut in half after he quit football and stopped repressing himself.

That's all I got for now. It was somewhat cathartic, actually!

Migraines are fucking boring, guys.

[darkdevasofdestruction]

A Zhang Of Redness ~ Yin Zhen x Reader

Warning: The first part has some angst to fluff, yet, if you’re brave enough to read the “Sad Ending”, then I warn you, I cried at least 6 times reading it, and 5 times at night, thinking about how to write it properly, all while listening to sad flute and zither ancient Chinese songs. I may need help.

Also, I forgot to explain, in case people don’t know:

Meimei - Term for younger sister. Jiejie - Term for older sister. Niangniang - Term for someone above in title, like an Empress or a Noble Consort. Changzai -  First-Class Female Attendant, called ‘Present’, and was the 2nd lowest title in the harem. Daying -  Second-Class Female Attendant, called ‘Promise’, lowest title in the harem. Hua Fei - It can vary as a title, but it refers to an Imperial Noble Consort. A Zhang of Redness - One of the 5 punishments from Qing Dynasty : Beating someone over the back, butt or the back of their legs with a some sort of bamboo or wooden bat/cane/rod until the tendons/muscles/bones were crushed, there was lots of blood, and the person either died or became paralysed from waist down.

Also, I got inspiration from watching the Chinese Period Drama ‘Empresses in the Palace/Legend of Zhen Huan’ that focuses on the Harem during the reign of Emperor Yongzheng, aka Yin Zhen, the 4th Prince, and Duke Guo is the 17th Prince, his brother, very young, and very close to him

“Now, Y/N, you and your sisters are of age, so you must go serve the Emperor. It will bring our family the greatest honour should you be selected as a concubine for the Emperor and bring a Prince into this world.” the father put his hands on Y/N’s shoulders, making her look at him with a blank expression, masking her disdain and disgust with excellence. “We are honoured to serve and serve our family and His Majesty, the Emperor.” she bowed gracefully, speaking with an adult maturity that many would envy. “Very well. Take care of your sisters. The Palace is a cruel place, but you, above all, must prevail and bring your sisters up with you.” were the last words her father spoke before sending off his three daughters into the carriage, ready to go with the ‘reaping’, as the eldest would call it.

Unlike her younger siblings, she prayed not to be accepted, since it would be the worst thing that could happen to her and she’d rather die than have to live in eternal imprisonment, having an old man touch her body and impregnate her, despite him being the Emperor himself.

When the three of them arrived at the Palace, and she saw the swarm of girls dressed the same, with the same accessories and hairstyles, she almost felt like puking, although she couldn’t blame them, since that’s how this lame fashion dictates.

She was the only one standing out, much like a sore thumb, completely different, both in appearance and clothing, which made her anxious and nervous, knowing very well how she will be the target of bullying, and in turn, deflect it to her unfortunate sisters as well.

Y/N was the only woman with vibrant red hair and green eyes like the evergreen forest, for her father is an Imperial merchant, and her mother was a foreigner, the most beautiful being alive, that could even compare to the Gods, and yet, the very same Gods she worshipped were cruel to her, as when she gave birth to the twins, she perished, leaving her husband heartbroken and alone to take care of his three daughters.

She didn’t wear any headpiece, nor had any intricate hairstyles, preferring to keep the upper part of her hair in a beautiful rose bun, while the lower part was let loose to cascade past her shoulders, down to her waist, like a fire waterfall. She didn’t use heavy make up, only choosing to highlight her eyes and bring out the shrewdness and brilliance in them. She didn’t wear any jewellery, save for some beautiful pink flowers carefully placed in her hair. She didn’t wear heels, for she was taller than most petite girls, and didn’t want to stand out more than she already did, and of course, she didn’t need them to highlight her grace and dignity. And, most of all, she didn’t wear the traditional clothes that every girl did, instead, worse a long, flowy dress, green, with flowers of a darker, more vibrant green - A dress that suit her like she was the embodiment of Spring, and her slender silhouette was shown off beautifully - Because, after all, this was the dress her mother sew specifically for her in the period while she was pregnant.

When the time finally came for her to present herself in front of the Emperor and the Empress Dowager, the six women walked in a straight line, in front of the Imperials...Only to see a little surprise.

Seven of his sons were there to attend, for one of them were to one day become Emperor, and they must know how things must be done.

“You...You are Y/N, I see. When your father mentioned you were beautiful, just like your mother, I couldn’t believe there could be someone even greater than Diaochan or Yang Guifei.” the Emperor chuckled, looking down at her. “Your Majesty, pardon my rudeness, yet truly, you must jest. My face does not put flowers to shame, nor does it embarrass Mother Moon herself. Likewise, I would say I that...That there are other women in history that would fit me better, should you truly wish to compare me.” she could feel the intrigued, burning gazes of everyone, and it took everything she had not to visibly gulp or show any kind of emotion. “Raise, child, and look at me. Who would you think I should compare you to?” the Emperor so gracefully talked, with the same dignity that any Imperial must have, yet now, it seemed to be warmer. “Tan Yunxian.” she spoke bluntly, her green eyes not wavering as she held eye contact with the Emperor. “Tan Yunxian...You are a bold one to speak like that. You are a sharp woman, intelligence is obviously sparkling in your eyes, you know what you want from life, and you choose to be branded a witch by practicing the medical arts that only men do and risk death, instead of aiming for a peaceful and resourceful life as a wealthy concubine and bring honour to your father. Why is that?” he asked once again, which made her bow, but not look away from him. “Most people tell the gender of a rabbit by its movement: The male runs quickly, while the female often keeps her eyes shut. But when the two rabbits run side by side, Can you really discern whether I am a he or a she? That is my reply to your question, and I would beg you to forgive my rudeness by speaking so directly, but this was never the life that fit me. The only arts that suit me are the exact ones - Healing, Calculus, Atrology, Physics, Alchemy...My sisters are much better at the arts of the heart, but I prefer to make a difference on this world. Too many women preferred to let themselves die because of scrutiny - A woman should rather starve to death than lose her chastity - they said, yet, for me, life is a sacred gift and should be treasured above all. There are no female physicians in the palace, Your Majesty, and males cannot fully comprehend the pains of a woman, nor can they properly treat one. With your grace, should you choose not to kill me, I would very much like to serve the Emperor with the way fate dictated my strengths.” she spoke without any hint of fear in her heart, already waiting for her death penalty to be told, and yet, the Emperor chuckled and looked to his right, sharing a look with one of his sons, the one dressed in vibrant gold, the one whose eyes resembled his the most. “My son, I see you are interested in this one as well. Tell me, what would you do, should you meet someone as peculiar as this one?” the Emperor asked, letting him have the final say in it. “She quotes the Ballad of Mulan so boldly, as if she herself is Mulan. Do you remember, Father, that in some stories, when Mulan was forced to join the Harem, she chose to commit suicide? I see this one none the wiser. With the proper training, she could prove to save more lives than most of those useless physicians could, I would say. She has enough fire and ambition...But What if she wavers in front of dangers?” the 4th Prince asked, almost rhetorically, only for his older brother, the 3rd Prince, to chime in. “Let’s see, then.” he shrugged, motioning for an eunuch to step forward. “Should you be able to keep looking into my eyes for the whole trial, your position as a physician will be locked.” the 4th Prince mused, his dark eyes peering into her jade like ones, and it seemed almost as if they were in a trance, and nothing around them existed anymore.

The little eunuch threw water at her feet, yet she nonchalantly stepped over it with no second thought. They made loud noises behind her, or close to her ear, yet her only interest was the beautiful dark shade of the Prince’s eyes. The test continued on, until the Prince walked forward and drew his sword, putting the tip under her chin, raising it. The silence created tension for everyone, causing her sisters to gasp and hold tightly onto each other from fear, while some labourers were confused and panicked at the sight before them, while the two only got deeper and deeper enchanted by the other. It wasn’t until one of the Gugu matrons stepped forwards with a cat held in her arms and threw it at the ground violently that the girl slapped the blade away and let herself fall to her knees to catch the poor feline, then rose back again, gently petting and calming the animal, while throwing a harsh glare at the elder woman, before turning back again to the Prince.

“You lost the trial.” he said, yet mischief was glittering in his beautiful eyes. “Life over all. ALL life over all.” she pointed out, stepping closer to the Prince, and as soon as she knew she was completely hidden by his much larger form, she smirked at him, challengingly, which made him scoff in amusement right back at her. “You lost the trial, but won the position with your virtuous, unwavering heart. Father, with your approval, I will be responsible of her, and she will be my personal physician, and the physician of all the women in the palace. Her thinking is mature, righteous and ahead of her times.” the Prince bowed in front of his father, vouching for the girl next to him, who could only look in shock at the Imperial Son who seemed to trust her so. “I dare not deserve such baseless praise. Wait until I have achieved anything of significance.” she bowed next to the Prince, letting the cat go back to its owner. “Very well, I approve of your request. From now on, Lady Y/N shall be promoted to Lady Shuyu, the Wise and Virtuous Lady, she will be taught by the imperial physicians and will report directly to you, 4th Prince. Likewise, she will be staying at the Palace closest to the Imperial Library, yet, I believe I should change its name, since it needs renovation. Do you have any preferences?” the Emperor asked, as the girl was bashfully looking at the ground, not believing that her dreams were finally becoming reality. “Father, if I may, I would suggest - Palace of the Blue Lotus - for it is the symbol of victory, intelligence, wisdom and knowledge, something that My Lady seems to be the embodiment of. I heard it once being called - The Perfection of Wisdom - and I believe it fits her very well. Look at her, with her outfit and hair, she almost looks like a Lotus flower herself, wouldn’t you say?” the 3rd Prince commented, making the Emperor nod in approval. “Very well, I agree with you, 3rd Prince. Then, Lady Y/N, until your Palace is completely renovated, you will be staying at 4th Prince’s Palace and have him look after you.” the Emperor’s order made her eyes widen and cheeks redden from embarrassment, yet she gracefully bowed in thanks for the Emperor. “Your Majesty is benevolent and kind above all, I thank you for giving me a chance.” she spoke in a much softer voice. “Look at this one, she can be anything she wants. A Hua Mulan, a Diaochan...Yet, above all, I believe she could even be the next Wu Zetian, wouldn’t you say, my Son?” the Empress Dowager spoke with a gentle smile, which made the girl gasp and bow to the ground, flustered. “Your Highness, I am undeserving of such praise! I am but a mere woman who wishes the best for her peers, but I will never be able to get close to Wu Zetian’s greatness!” she spoke rapidly, not daring raise her face to them, only to receive chuckles and laughs from the audience. “She may not be the next Wu Zetian, but she may as well be the first Y/N L/N.” the 4th Prince teased the girl as he offered his hand to help her to her feet, before pinching her reddening cheek. “Indeed, indeed! But what should I make of your sisters? You say they are talented in arts, correct? Then, I will accept them, and wait for the time they can heal my soul with their magic and grace.” the Emperor’s eyes held amusement, as all three sisters bowed in unison. “Your Majesty is great and kind above all.” 

And so, for the first time in their life, the sisters were separated from each other. While the twins enjoyed a palace to themselves and another high ranked concubine, Y/N was comfortably staying in 4th Prince’s Palace, having just one trusty maid, for more would be a hindrance, and dressing in whatever comfortable clothes she wished to wear, sown by her and her maid.

She wasn’t a fan of sewing, but she practiced it regularly because she believed having dexterous fingers meant you would be a great physician, so she continued her work, using the softest cotton bolts brought from Western countries, and she made a beautiful light pink nightgown along with a pair of shorts and embroidered small purple flowers, and since then, her sleep has been the best she’s ever had... Although the silks from her bed must have added to the comfort as well.

As thanks for the Prince, the girl decided to sew a blue pyjama from the cotton, Western bolts for the Prince with whom she was residing, and used Chinese threads of gold and violet to embroider dragons on it, wanting to make a little play on the Western symbols of royalty.

Days passed way too quickly in the Palace, as the 4th Prince was excellent company and would humour her often with a cup of tea and a lost game of chess since truly, he wasn’t the best at it yet, but the quick exchanges of wit were worth the time spent there.

When she wasn’t by his side, she would go to the swing in the Garden of Peaches all by herself and swing herself high, almost as if she was trying to reach the sky, and when returning, she would let herself lean down, to watch the clouds, all while laughing in complete freedom, just like the tale of the Crane Wife.

Every time she would stop swinging, she would take out her jade flute and, unbeknownst to her, the Prince would hide just to hear her play with such skill and emotion that it truly moved him, and he had to admit, the saddest song she played, Autumn Moon over Han Palace, the one that truly depicts the cruelty with which the young and innocent souls of young women get crushed in the palace, only to be rewarded with misfortunes and sorrow, and he knew then that there was no way he would let anyone harm her.

The Emperor made him look after her, and so, he will.

“4th Prince, now that I shall not be living in your Palace anymore, I should thank you for your hospitability and kindness for the time I bothered you and invaded your privacy. Please accept my humble gifts for you, as a thank you for all the goodness you’ve showed me.” she personally handed him the boxes of gifts, since it was too personal to let her maid handle this matter. “I thank you for the gifts, yet you need not thank me for something so trivial. Congratulations in moving in your own Palace, little Lotus, but don’t forget that this has been your home too, and you are always welcomed here. I have also sent you gifts at your new residence, I wish you will use them with a smile on your face.” the prince spoke, putting the boxes on the table and petting her hair gently. “Without all the snark and witty comments, I almost don’t recognise you, Yin Zhen. Could you perhaps be ill?” she scoffed in amusement, making the man flick her forehead. “Going by how red your cheeks are, I’d say you’re the one who caught a fever.” he spoke with an obvious undertone. “How rude of you, Prince! Don’t you know it’s unfair to tease a lady?” she pointed out with a flustered scowl on her face. “Sister, weren’t you the one who once that that if a man teases a woman, he must be in love with her?” a soft, yet playful voice came from behind Y/N, which made her yelp in surprise and turn around in shock. “You’re horrible sisters, you know that, don’t you? I only said that so you’d feel good about your little, young selves, when the general’s son came over to visit father!” she sighed, looking away. “He doesn’t matter anymore! Now, look at you, the most favoured woman in the Palace by the Emperor, the Empress, the Dowager AND the Princes! We couldn’t compete with that, even now that we both served the Emperor and we were barely given the title of “Changzai”, and that’s mostly thanks to your influence and the fact that you helped the Lady of Morality give birth to the Princess.” Liyan spoke out, tugging on one of the arms of the elder sister. “It’s a bit weird if you think about it. Y/N Jiejie is over here, falling for the Emperor’s son, while we are pillow mates with the Emperor. He’s older than father!” Xiyan spoke so shamelessly, tugging on the other arm, that it made the poor elder sister blush deeply, and putting her hands on the back of their heads, she hit their heads together. “Liyan Meimei and Xiyan Meimei should learn how to be less vulgar and have some shame! Now, if you would excuse me, I must go do a regular check up on the Noble Consort’s pregnancy, I have no time for your foolish nonsense. I bid you all farewell.” she gave a sarcastic bow to the three before rushing out of that place. “I haven’t seen Jiejie so flustered before. Remember when that young poet came over and started playing the zither and singing for her, and she still turned him down?” Xiyan giggled, intertwining her fingers with her twin. “Yes, I remember! And it was the famous JiKang, the best zither player in the country! It’s a pity, really, I remember Jiejie saying how much she’d have liked to be free and travel the world, but she has to honour her duty to her family, otherwise she will be a disgrace and get killed.” Liyan sighed, looking away. “If your sister heard you gossiping like that about her, she’d get very upset at you. Now run along, you two.” Yin Zhen commented with a hint of playfulness, ushering the two sisters to scatter.

Days and nights went by fast, and Y/N was quickly climbing the ranks of a physician due to her hard working and witty disposition, and yet, when winter came and snow started falling hard, and the Consort was now 5 months pregnant, and need to have her regular check up.  As Y/N gave her the medicine to drink, the consort started screaming in pain and collapsed on the bed, her nether regions bleeding. She was having a miscarriage. With the help of a few maids and physicians, she managed to stop the bleeding and keep her stable, but she knew very well it would be hell once everyone finds out about the loss of the Imperial offspring...

And the consort was a truly vengeful one.

“How could you...?! How could you?! You insolent wretch, you made me lose my child!” the consort was livid, thrown things at the girl who was trying to calm her down. “Hua Fei Niangniang, what have you been eating and drinking recently? Perhaps there may have been something put in your food or tea? Or perhaps the fragrances or incenses?” she tried to ask, but it was to no avail. The consort was so upset that the Emperor himself, along with the Empress, the Dowager, the Harem and the Princes had to come and console her. “Emperor! Emperor! This stupid bitch is jealous that you favour me and made sure I have a miscarriage! It happened just as I drank the medicine from her!” the consort threw herself in the Emperor’s arms, sobbing loudly. “Medicine takes at least half a day to act, and you barely took a sip from it. I’m asking again, has your food and drink intake been properly taken care of?” Y/N asked once again, in a gentle voice, hoping to have an answer...But none came, only screeches. “You vile devil! You came here to have all women of the Harem miscarry! You want favour all to yourself! That’s why you walk around the Princes like a fox, drawing them in! You’re a lust demon! Get the guards and take her! Make her punishment be fitting to her hair! A Zhang of Redness!” she shrieked, making all the women gasp in shock. “Your Highness, I have nothing to do with Niangniang’s miscarriage. You can have any physician look over the tea I prepared and all the prescriptions I gave her, and none of them hold any abortifacient plants. I rest my case, and I will investigate the causes of the miscarriage, and should it have been my mistake, I will accept such a punishment. If not, then I beg for Your Majesty’s mercy.” Y/N bowed deeply to the ground in front of the Emperor, who seemed to nod in understanding. “Very well. I won’t offer you much time, but until then, you have all resources at hand. Everyone is dismissed.” and thus, they all left...Except for the 4th Prince who crouched and helped the girl up, his expression unreadable. “You truly know how to get yourself in trouble, don’t you?” he spoke with obvious concern. “Though I withdraw my sword to cut the water, it still runs. I toast to dispel worry, and create more worry…The water still flows, though we cut it with our swords, And sorrow returns, though we drown it with wine…” she muttered, looking ahead of her, in the void of emptiness that became her heart. “You once said you were not talented in arts, yet here you are, quoting Li Bai. You will always be a surprise, won’t you?” Yin Zhen cast her a half smile, which she returned. “It only fits. Now go. The Emperor will have my head should I let a man rummage through a woman’s belongings.” she sighed, turning around to investigate the place, while hearing the taunts of the consort...Until she found a cup that oddly smelled like green papaya, and a mortar and pestle that still had some cinnamon and pomegranate seeds powder in it. Afraid that the consort would realise she found the incriminatory objects, she took out a bag and threw it on the table, feigning that she putting all her medical belongings back in the bag, only to have the cup and mortar taken as well, and with a bow, she hurried to her Palace to study them.

She didn’t know much about such plants since they weren’t exactly used in medicine, and yet, she had to study them, while hiding the bag with incriminatory objects very well.

It was a cold, yet beautiful snowy night, and Y/N felt so crushed by fear from the recent events, that without realising, stepped outside, her feet dragging her to Yin Zhen’s Palace, and she had no idea until his Eunuch spoke to her, welcoming her inside and scolding her for not wearing something warmer, before having the maids prepare tea and telling the Prince about her arrival.

Silence took over them as they played chess and drinking tea, yet her mind was somewhere else completely, making her lose for the first time...But he wasn’t surprised in the least.

“What did you find out?” he asked bluntly. “Do you hate me, Yin Zhen?” she asked, using one of her silver ring claws to stir the tea in her cup. “Why would you ask something like that...? Do you suspect me of framing you, or what?” he asked, shock obvious in his voice, until he realised the tears that were falling down her face. “Then...Why...? I...I thought you...Of all people...Wouldn’t...” Y/N was unable of cursive, coherent words as she raised her finger to eye level, showing that the silver claw became back. “I did NOT poison your tea! Shu Pei Gong, who prepared this tea? I want them brought here and held responsible right now!” the rage the Prince felt was immense, but he knew now to let feelings overtake his ration. “What did I do to deserve such hatred...? I’m not part of the harem, I never hurt anyone, I’ve always been respectful and helped everyone, I never wished for promotions, titles, ranks or favours...So why...Why...?! Why is this happening to me?!” she cried out, her heart suffering greatly, enough so that before he could say anything, she ran out again, taking a shortcut through the Plum garden, where she let herself fall to the ground, the freezing cold unbothering to her, as she felt as cold as ice from the constant heartache she suffered.

She hated the colour red, it was everywhere, yet people didn’t understand why she’d despise such a beautiful colour. It was the colour of her hair, the colour of Maple leaves, the colour of Plum blossoms, and of course, the colour of blood.

Blood, for that’s all she was seeing - Laying there, on the pure white snow, crystals falling from the sky, covering her in a soft blanket, the shade of her skin, contrasting her hair, her flowers and...The blood from her injury.

But as the dark abyss of death started taking over her senses, she saw two little jades that appeared and disappeared just like shy will’o’wisp spirit orbs.

What was in her head, running away like that, in the dead of such a freezing night, and why the Plum Garden that is like a crimson maze that could have served as her resting place.

Who would have known she would be so sensitive, Yin Zhen thought, and yet, he is her confidante, and she thought he poisoned her, which would be a shock for everyone, especially after everything going on in her life.

She looked so petite in his large bed, in his own pyjamas, as her own clothes were soaked from the snow and she’s already shivering, the last thing he’d want is for her to get deadly ill.

“Your Majesty, a blow to the back of her head with a blunt object cause her collapse and fainting, but the coldness worsened her health. She will need to rest and take medicine regularly. And...As much as possible, she must not stress, mentally, emotionally or physically.” the physician bowed to the Prince as he sat on the edge of the bed, gingerly brushing away the hair from her face. “Easier said than done when you’re dealing with such a stubborn hard-head...You may go now. I will look after her.” the Prince dismissed the physician who kowtow-ed and left the place that got quiet...So quiet...Save for her unconscious shivering. “What will I do with you, Y/N? How can I save you when you run away from me?” he muttered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “You should have left me there.” a soft whisper was her, as the girl opened her glistering eyes. “Don’t speak such nonsense.” he scolded her, yet his eyes were gentle. “What is death if not a blessing in disguise? For unfortunate people like me, only followed by misfortune...What is there to live for? Instead of investigating her case, I should have let her punish me. It would have been less painful than my discovery.” her voice was devoid of any life, yet the tears that delicately made their ways down her cheeks were enough proof of sorrow and heart break. “What are you talking about, Y/N? What did you discover?” he asked, his attention not wavering from her. “Wu Zetian? Diaochan? Hua Mulan? Tan Yunxian? Yang Guifei? What the hell was in my head? The only thing I could share with them is a broken heart. Why did I even dare to think that I, as a woman, would have any chance to achieve happiness and freedom? I can’t even try to be Lin Siniang, for I have no martial arts, and I can’t go and die in battle for someone. I’m completely and utterly useless.” the girl sighed, turning her back to the Prince, letting her hair drape over her face to avoid being seen. “Y/N, I am your confidante, tell me what happened. When you feel like you can’t trust anyone, not even your family, or the world, I will be here to listen and be honest with you, no matter what. I promise.” he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, stroking her hair to calm her down, yet in only generated in her sobbing. “When I was struck and fell, I feigned being dead. I kept my eyes half-open, and I didn’t blink. I stopped breathing and looked up at the sky. And despite my blurring vision, I saw a pair of green orbs. And then, I heard a giggle, and a word. Just one word. You know what it was? They said - Finally - and then left. Do you understand what I mean, Yin Zhen?” she asked, letting go of him and looking him straight in the eyes. “You don’t mean...?” his eyes widened with surprise, not having expected something like that. “When I investigated the consort’s room, I found a cup that smelled of papaya and a mortar with cinnamon and pomegranate seeds. When she wasn’t looking, I stole them and went home to read more about these. My sisters visited me that night and we discussed about those items...And it was then that I found out that those plants cause natural, spontaneous abortions. They said they were worried about me...And then...They snitched on me to the consort. My maid warned me there were suspicious people lurking around so I secretly left my Palace and came to yours after taking the longest and darkest route. Somehow, they managed to make me paranoid enough by poisoning my tea in your own house...And I got scared and ran away. I was going to seek refuge at the Dowager, until the consort’s eunuch found me and yanked me over the head. That’s when I saw my sister’s eyes...The very same eyes that I hold...And most likely, they stole the items from my Palace and disposed of them...So what is there to live for, anyway?” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, weeping silently. “You have me and I will help you out. I won’t let anyone punish you, I promise you that.” he cupped her face, making her look at him with her sad, doe-like eyes. “Even if I escape punishment, who can mend my shattered heart? My father never supported my passions, so I did everything in secret...And my own sisters plotted and went against me, for some reason that I’m completely unaware of, considering I always took care of them, sent them any riches I had and got them out of trouble...And there’s no way I will ever escape the hell from the harem wrath, even if I’m not part of it. I am lost with no place to call home and nobody to love me. I should just go end myself with some wine, out in the Plum Garden. It would be a very fitting end with no pain. Very beautiful...Maybe some music would have made it perfect - “ she kept talking in self-deprecation, not realising how it upset the man in front of her, until he stopped her by kissing her with enough fire to begin the melting process over the frozen pieces of her heart, “Stop speaking like that, you are upsetting me. How can I marry you and spend the rest of my life with you by my side, if you let the world get to you and kill you?” he was scolding her in a gentle manner, his hand on top of her head, putting his forehead to hers. “How can I not, when my own sisters, that I raised and took care of since mother died, plotted my death and were happy to see me fall? My own family, Yin Zhen! How can I bare with that?!” her voice was full of emotions of all kinds, desperate to have someone to cling on. “Those who wish ill on you are not your family, even though you are bound by blood. You have me, Y/N. I vow to you, I would never leave you alone. I will always be there for you, no matter what, and I will never let anyone hurt you again.” the man said, making the girl sigh and shake her head. “What are you trying to say, Yin Zhen? There’s only so long until you’ll become the Emperor. Even if you want to, you won’t have the time to even remember I exist. And you will be busy with all your concubines every night. Don’t vow what cannot happen, or you will anger the Gods. Be realistic. You know how I am. I refuse to bare children, I refuse to deal with the harem. I will get jealous, and in the end, you will end up hurting me more than my own family did.” she hung her head, wiping away the stray tears. “When I become Emperor, I will be able to do anything I want to. It’s true, I will need heirs, but that’s what the harem is about, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold you in my arms every night. You will be Empress, and you will help me with matters of the Palace. If the Consort can deal with the harem now, she can do so when I reign as well. Not to mention, the current Empress favours you, she will be kind with you once she becomes Dowager.” he explained reassuringly, which made her look up at him slowly. “Do you vow you always love me the most and have me and only me as your priority? And you will listen to me when I talk. And we will still hang out at midnight in the Cherry Garden, we will still go swimming, or swinging in the Peach Garden, we will still play the Zither and Flute together and you will still compliment me over the littlest things, no matter what?” Y/N spoke a bit more harshly, to get her point across, which only made the man chuckle. “I vow that I will still be your Confidante, and you will be mine, and things between us won’t change even when I become Emperor. Who else could sew me such comfortable pyjamas and then wear them much better than I do?” he pinched her cheek before kissing her forehead tenderly. “That’s because I have style. Now...Tell me, what should I do?” and her reply came in the form of a scoff of amusement as the Prince pulled her to his chest, making her sit on his lap. “Sometimes I wish you were more ruthless, little fox. But it’s fine, I will be ruthless enough for the both of us. Just trust me, and tomorrow, we’ll go together and prove your innocence once and for all.” he declared in a voice fit for an Emperor, before putting one hand on the back of her neck, while the other was on her waist, and pulling her flush against his chest, he kissed her, gently at first, to make sure she wouldn’t shatter in front of him like a precious china doll, only to gradually become more and more passionate.

And once again, just like when they first met, they locked tender gazes and got lost in their own paradise - You are mine and you can only be mine - He’d think, just for a split second, as he continued kissing and touching her skin, softer than any cloud.

The next day marked the beginning of his vow, as she woke up with his arms draped around her small form and him stroking her hair gently, before they got dressed properly and went to her palace, the Blue Lotus, only to find her maid freaking out and checking her for any injuries.

When they explained to her what happened, Shi Lian grinned and ran to fetch a bag that she buried in a secret place under the snow, revealing the incriminatory objects that she risked so much for. The maid then pointed out that some eunuchs came over and tried to search the place, with the help of one of her sisters, only to find nothing and return fearfully to the noble consort, their mission failed.

Wait until they see she isn’t dead, really.

And so, Yin Zhen baited the sisters into going to the consort’s house, and told the Emperor to wait outside of the door and listen, only interfering if and when he sees fit.

“4th Prince, what ever could be the reason for summoning us like that?” the consort asked with a feign-innocent smirk o her face. “I believe it’s high time to finish investigating a crime, correct, consort? The mystery behind your miscarriage?” Yin Zhen’s eyes were sharp, yet victorious. “Ahh, yes, but wasn’t it confirmed to be that woman physician’s negligence?” she preferred to fake admiring her hand jewellery, instead of looking at the prince. “That is quite the narrative you painted, isn’t it? Painted with her blood, and the blood of my father’s offspring. Clearly, there is no shameful level of low-ness that you wouldn’t stoop to, just to gain my father’s attention and favour, isn’t it? Even going as far as to frame the only physician who would properly be able to heal you and the women of the Palace. She fought hard to convince my Imperial Father, the Emperor, to allow her to be a medicine practitioner, with you in her mind, not her own well-being. You must truly be cruel and desperate to want to get the Emperor’s favour that badly, again. You must know you’re getting old and ugly, and you won’t be my Father’s favourite anymore...And his favourites will be the newer concubines...Like Y/N’s sisters, who have unique, green eyes, unlike all the other women here.” the Prince hit the nail spot on, making the consort look at him with fear and indignation. “U-Uhm, Prince, I know you favoured Y/N Jiejie, but why are you dragging us into this?” Liyan asked cautiously. “Because the consort came to you with an alliance - If you get rid of Y/N, you won’t bully the sisters for being young and favoured. However, the sisters were jealous of Y/N of having favour from everyone without having to conform to the norms every woman has to, for she is not a concubine, therefore, she had nothing to fight for except your lives. To think that her own sisters that she took care of would plot her own demise without a single speck of regret. You caught her when she was most vulnerable, alone, in the Plum Garden, then had some eunuch strike her over the head with a wooden bat. Truly horrific to think family would behave like this.” the Prince played the detective part, explaining the story he heard from the girl herself. “What gives you the right to accuse us of such treacheries?! We would never hurt Jiejie!” Xiyan growled at the man, only for a surprise to happen, as the woman in cause entered the scene dramatically. “Wouldn’t you?” Y/N asked in a low voice, earning gasps of shock from the 3 other women. “J-Jiejie! You’re alright! You’re alive!” Xiyan’s lips quivered, as her eyes were darting between her sister and the consort. “Why wouldn’t I be alive, Xiyan Meimei? Was something supposed to happen that would guarantee my imminent death?” Y/N tilted her head slightly to the side, staring deep into her sister’s eyes, searching for the truth. “N-No, of course not! Why ever would you claim something so cruel?” Xiyan chuckled nervously, walking a few feet backwards. “All my life I thought myself the family disappointment since I never was the perfect woman that father wanted me to be, to bring honour to the family...But I know for sure that I never raised a liar or a traitor. You are a disappointment. To think you’d partner up with the consort to kill me, and then, when I talked to you about the evidence I found in her palace, you’d try to kill me and steal the objects. My maid is my family more than you ever were.” Y/N shook her head in disappointment, taking out the bag, which made the three women widen their eyes in horror, knowing very well what was going to happen. “Look at them, they are already pissing themselves with fear. They know what is in them.” Yin Zhen scoffed at them. “This is the consort’s cup, from which she drank Green Papaya juice...And this is a mortar in which cinnamon and pomegranate seeds were crushed into a powder. All of these are known to naturally induce abortions, so it’s no wonder she had a miscarriage when I gave her the medicine. You wanted the attention and to kill me, so what better way to do so than to frame me, punish me yourself, and have the Emperor hate me and potentially kill me? A Zhang of Redness, you said. How cruel of you, Consort.” Y/N taunted her once again, showing the evidence, putting them on the table. “You’re insane! This is a conspiracy! You have 4th Prince’s and you got him to conspire against me! You’re the worst!” the Consort shrieked at the girl, almost getting physically aggressive, until the Emperor himself stepped in the room. “That’s enough! How shameless can you be? I understand being jealous of the women of the harem, but of someone who is here only to save your lives? Impertinent!” the Emperor’s booming voice resounded throughout the room, drowning out the consort’s whinings for a little while. “Y/N, you have been the wronged one here, I will let their punishment be of your choosing, no matter how harsh. I will take my leave now, I cannot stand to look at these wretches anymore.” and so, he left the place, letting the consort grovel on the ground, helplessly, shrieking in the worst high-pitched voice. “All’s well when it ends well, I’d say.” Y/N muttered, looking at her two little sisters. “What do you two have to say in your defense?” “We are sorry, Y/N Jiejie, we were wrong! Please, forgive us!” the twins jumped on her, hugging her tightly, stunning the poor girl. “How cruel. You know she’s soft hearted so you try to play her again. You are shameless leeches.” Yin Zhen spoke out, seeing the conflict in his lover’s eyes...Only for her to gasp suddenly and widen her eyes in shock. “Finally...Huh? You’re truly the worst...Yin Zhen told me to be more ruthless...Perhaps I should begin now.” with a pained expression on her face, she pushed the sisters away from her, revealing the bleeding stab wound from her abdomen. “How many more times are you going to try to kill me? As many times needed until you finally succeed...But you think a tiny blade like this will do the trick? If poison, a bat to the head and the freezing cold didn’t kill me, this is nothing more than a mosquito’s bite for me.” Y/N looked at Liyan with disgust as she snatches away the dagger by the blade, throwing it away.  “Y/N...!” Yin Zhen looked in horror at the wound that kept bleeding and bleeding, staining the green material of her beautiful dress. “This all began when you wanted to punish me with A Zhang of Redness. My hair is red. The Plum blossoms are red. My spilled blood was red as well. Now, it’s your turn. All three of you, I punish you with a Zhang of Redness, and should you live, I will take away all your titles and riches. Hopefully, you will see what I felt when I realised that death would be a blessing, rather than living. Enjoy your lives as paralysed traitors, you three.” despite the single tear straying down her face, Y/N’s eyes were cold and merciless, at least just for then, as hearing her little sisters scream, sob and plea for her to have mercy on them and forgive them was something that unavoidably crushed her, but there was nothing she could do about it anymore. “Every day with you is like watching a dramatic tragedy at the opera.” the prince sighed, picking her up carefully and bringing her to his palace, so the physicians would tend to her wound. “Isn’t my life a tragedy enough as it is, without you having to remind me?” she scoffed, turning away from him. “It won’t be anymore, my dear. I promise you.” and with that, Yin Zhen embraced Y/N once again, taking away all her sorrows, at least for the night, and many more other nights.

~~~ I also have a Sad Ending, read at your own risk. If I were you, I wouldn’t read it, but we all know how some need angst to live ~~~

But years passed faster than the blink of an eye, and as the norm asked for, problems still surrounded everyone in the Palace, since it wouldn’t be the Imperial Court otherwise.

It was needless to say was still mourning not having her sisters around anymore, as one of them died, while the other remained paralysed in the Cold Palace, and as soon as her father came by to sell his Western products and found out the fate of his children, he blamed Y/N for being heartless and bringing dishonor to their family by being the complete opposite of what a woman should be.

And so...They weren’t so young anymore, but double the age from when they met, and Yin Zhen now became Emperor Yongzheng, and Y/N was his Empress, just as promised.

At first, he was loyal to his vow - No matter who he’d be forced to visit for the night, he’d still return to her and hold her in his arms until the light of morning creeped through the windows, waking them up, but time is a feeble enemy, and words are easily forgotten.

Daily, became Weekly, just like Weekly, became Monthly.

He would barely come by to visit, let alone spend the night with her, and meals together were as scarce as trustworthy people in the palace.

Every day, she was forced to wake up and get ready to welcome all the concubines who had to pay their respects to her, only to be mocked for not being the Emperor’s favourite anymore.

It wasn’t like she couldn’t complain too much to the Dowager, as she already tried to remind her Son multiple times not to forget and neglect his own Empress, his own wife and beloved for so many ages, and yet, it only worked for a little time, and so, realising how she was being problematic to everyone by complaining about her loneliness, only to get shut down and reminded that that is the fate of any woman...

A woman, more alone now than ever before.

She would often go out to the special places she shared with Yin Zhen, often lost in thought, as memories kept flooding her mind and damaging her heart, only to realise that no matter how much she’d try to keep herself busy, her mind would still fly over to him.

She would try to practice the flute and zither from dusk till dawn, and even to the latest hours in the night, only for him not to even remember she could play, and asking the younger, pretties concubines to play, at all banquets held.

She would practice all kinds of intricate dances, wearing the flowiest of dresses that looked like the river, only to hear that she should settle for clothing fit for her age, and see him dancing with other women in the light of the moon.

She would sew random brocades and threads in whatever piece of garment she could think of, only to then throw it in the fire in frustration, knowing he hasn’t worn anything she’s made for him lately.

She would practice calligraphy until the candles were almost burnt and her eyes were burning from the sleep depravation and straining, only to rip the books apart, noticing the tears, smudges and shakiness on the pages.

For a while, she refused to leave her palace completely, only to realise her thoughts were much darker when alone, so she would walk through the secluded gardens and weep on the now deserted swing from the Peach Garden.

No matter how much she tried, her poor maid, Shi Lian, could never make her happy again, for the only one who can mend a broken heart is the one who threw it to the ground in the first place, but he was too busy with others, and Shi Lian was so angry at the Emperor, pitying the poor woman, especially since she, herself, was married and with children.

But she was happy, and Y/N was at least happy for her good fortune. At least she, her only friend, deserves to be happy.

On one winter day, the Emperor held a banquet, declaring that a famous Zither player would entertain them, and as customs said, the Empress must, too, attend, but big was her shock when she recognised that beautiful and otherwise stoic man with silver hair, whose emotions coloured the worlds while playing the instrument, and she couldn’t help but cry when she heard ‘Autumn Moon over the Han Palace’ and ‘Plum-Blossoms in Three Movements’ , songs which reminded her of her younger self, and the time he started courting her, before she chose duty over happiness and entered the Palace.

What a foolish decision. Instead of living for herself, she always lived for others, which only caused her sorrow and misfortune. Maybe she deserves it, and this is her karma for being such an idiot.

After the banquet was ready, she went to talk to the musician alone, who clearly recognised her as soon as he first laid his eyes upon her still beautiful face.

“Not even time can destroy such beauty. My heart is happy seeing you again, Y/N. And I see you became the Empress.” JiKang spoke, his voice warmer now than with anyone else. “Time is cruel, for it destroys words and promises. I am an Empress over nothing but the ashes of my own heart and the disrespect I receive from everyone. You, however, seem to be thriving as usual. I can only guess how many places you’ve visited thus far, and how much you’ve learned over the years. I truly envy you.” she spoke with sorrow and helplessness. “Women are forced to choose duty over themselves. If you, however, wish to defy all laws, my offer still stands.” he spoke, taking her hands in his, rubbing them comfortingly. “If I could turn back time, I would give up everything, just to be with you. To be free. To have someone who wouldn’t lie to me for decades and then forget I exist. I only wished to learn, love, and be happy...But I suppose I was too greedy to even dare wish for good fortune on myself. Which is why, I cannot leave without first talking to the Emperor. If I leave without another word, he would hunt me down, and kill you, above all else, and that is not something that I would ever wish for. I will tell him to fake my death and get another Empress. If he accepts, I will come with you. If not...Then...” she trailed on, sighing, without having the strength to utter those dreaded words. “Then, I will return to you another time and play songs, to mend your heart.” the Zither player promised, only for a brief silence to take over, as her green eyes, once full of life, like the evergreen forest, were as dead as the ashes of a pine tree. “...There will be no next time.” her sentence was coded, but him, as an emotional person, was the one who understood her the best. “Then I shall create a score and play the ‘Requiem for God’s Caged Bird’ and ‘The Lovely Fox Spirit and The Wavering Dragon’ in your honour, wherever I go.” was his last promise to her, as he watched her small form become no more in front of his very eyes.

And it was true, he never saw her, for the discussion between the Emperor and the Empress went as bad as it could get, even going as far as to strike her face, which reminded her of yet another promise that he broke. It should be all of them, by now, she thought, as she looked at him with an exhausted expression.

“You promised me so many things, and in the end, you broke all of them. Thank you, my darling Yin Zhen, for reminding me that I’ve been nothing more than your caged song bird that you forgot and threw in another room, in cold and darkness, to slowly starve and die in agony. The least you could have done was to fake my death and let me be happy, for the few years that I had left on this world. But, of course, nobody from your collection can escape, can they? Next time, I would suggest Zhen Huan, she is a lovely girl, and you love her the most, and in turn, she truly loves you. Just...Make sure not to treat her the same way you did with me...Goodbye, my beloved Yin Zhen. I truly loved you...And I still do.” she spoke...And then she left, not giving him the chance to say another word.

But that all happened during day light, as the next night, the true banquet would take place, to celebrate New Year’s Day, and JiKang would play once again.  And she wasn’t there, just as he’d expected. And he played more beautifully, more emotionally, than he ever did in his entire life, showing how much he cherished her, and how angry and frustrated he is with the Emperor took her away from him, mistreated her, constantly lying and breaking her heart.

“Shi Lian, my dear, why are you still here? You should be with your family, not with some old, pitiful woman like myself.” Y/N spoke from her writing table as she finished a note, putting her seal over it, and folding it so its contents won’t be seen. “Your Majesty, don’t be silly! I am your maid, I will always be here for you!” she chuckled brightly, which made the Empress give her a sad smile, her heart hurting as if impaled, once again. “Well...I won’t be going to the Banquet tonight, that much is clear. I can hear the beautiful music from over here. Here, take this. Give it to the Emperor’s Head eunuch as fast as possible, and tell him to give it to the Emperor when he wakes up in the morning, otherwise, nobody is allowed to read it, okay?” she said, wiping a few tears. “Yes, Your Majesty, I will hurry there right now!” the maid said, but before she left, the Empress rose to her feet, pulling her into an embrace. “Thank you, Shi Lian. You have been my only friend all this time. Thank you for everything. Now, please, after you’re done with this task, go stay with your family. I will have an early night...I am extremely tired.” she stroked her hair, almost in a motherly way, which confused the maid, but nonetheless, smiled at her master. “No, Master, thank you for being the amazing woman that you are. It’s an honour being by your side!” she bowed slightly, before rushing to the door. “Sweet dreams, Y/N Niangniang!” Shi Lian grinned cheerfully before taking off to the palace. “...I’m sure I will.” Y/N sighed, taking a bag and going to the Plum Garden, wearing nothing but her pyjamas.

She sat down on the soft grass, ignoring the cold that was paralysing her senses, and she took out the bottle of red wine, pouring herself a cup, before letting it spill on the ground. Then, she took a sachet, pouring its powdery contents into the bottle, and started rapidly gulping it down, letting the burning sensation in her throat be the only warm part in her body.  When the bottle was finally empty, she put it back in the bag, taking out a beautifully engraved vertical jade flute, that Yin Zhen gifted her after winning the competition where he played the zither, against the Princess of Western Liang, and so, she let all her emotions flow and be scattered all over China, through the wind, propelled by the sound of the instrument, all while the snowflakes were beautifully dancing around her, creating different accessories embellished with ice, that would set down on her, making her look like a Snow Empress.

If it weren’t for the tragic truth, she would look almost ethereal - With her white face, and white nightgown, the white decor, the green eyes and flute...The red hair, the red wine, the red plum blossoms...And the red blood.

She played and wept until she couldn’t feel her fingers anymore, not her frozen lips, as the flute fell from her hands and she let herself sit back on the bed of snow, looking up at the sky, just as she did, over 20 years ago.

Her death was tragically beautiful, just as she said back then.

“I should just go end myself with some wine, out in the Plum Garden. It would be a very fitting end with no pain. Very beautiful...Maybe some music would have made it perfect.” that’s what she said, long ago, and remembering her own words, she let darkness take over her, greeting it with a smile on her face - A smile, after decades of weeping.

A true smile.

The next morning, the Emperor woke up, with the beautiful Zhen Huan by his side, and his Head Eunuch waiting for him for any command. 

“Your Majesty, the Empress’ maid came by yesterday, saying that Her Majesty instructed her that you should be reading this now, in the morning, as you’ve waken up. She said she doesn’t know what it contains, as Her Majesty was secretive, but she said Her Majesty was behaving a bit...Odd.” the Eunuch explained the situation, as the Emperor, nodded with a grunt of approval, taking and unfolding the scroll that was neatly written in her beautiful calligraphy.

My Darling Yin Zhen,

To think that this is what time had in store for us...It’s almost pitiful to think that we would grow apart like this, considering how close we used to be at the beginning, when you were still a Prince, and we didn’t have any real worries on our shoulders.

Now, here we are, the same way we promised we would never become - Enstranged.

I missed you so much, every day and every night - I would always look at you, and see you, yet you never spared a glance my way anymore.

Saying that I used to be jealous is an understatement, I warned you of that before I even accepted to be with you, yet I never imagined that this would become beyond that, and that I would die of a broken heart, for my missing beloved.

Every day, I would count the promises and vows you made for me, and every day, I would cross them, one by one, and crush a flower in my hands, for every broken one, until there was nothing left.

You promised you would love me, and only me, but as soon as the Palace became flooded with gorgeous concubines, all yours to take, your heart forgot me, and it split all its love to all the women that you shared your bed with, and so, I crushed a Lotus flower.

Your promised you would always hold me in your arms at night, no matter of the woman you’d have to do your Imperial Duty with, and yet, it didn’t take long for you to remember that my bed was made for the both of us, and so, I crushed a Cherry blossom.

You promised you will always tease me, flick my forehead and pinch my cheeks, then kiss them, only for you to cast cold eyes at me whenever I spoke or did something silly, letting the Consort or Dowager deal with me, while you would play and to the same things you used to do with me, with other women, and so, I crushed a Plum blossom.

You used to compliment me on all my small achievements, no matter how silly or insignificant they were, but now, you gave away all the clothes I sew you, all the snacks, cakes and tea I would make you, and all the accessories I would spend days and night to make, and so, I crushed a Begonia flower.

You used to point out how my eyes were sparkling with life and joy whenever I was around you, and how all colours looked amazing on me, you said I was the Empress of Flowers, and yet, ever since you became Emperor, only dark eyes sparkle with happiness around you, and you said I should wear clothes for my age and stop fooling around, and so, I crushed a Peony.

You used to always accompany me whenever I played music, we even beat the Princess of Western Liang together, I with the flute, that you later gifted me, and you with the zither, and after that, you even gifted me that amazing Liang hair ornament...Only for you to forget that I can play musical instruments too, and only let the younger girls perform for you, and so, I crushed a Chrysanthemum.

You used to kiss me with so much love and passion, warming up and mending by broken, frozen heart, as you promised nothing in this life would ever hurt me again, and I would never be alone, and yet, you are the one who completely crushed me, forgetting about me, as if I was some ugly, ragged old doll, thrown away and forgotten by time and life, and so, I crushed a Camellia.

You used to be my confidante, my best and only friend, we trusted each other with all our secrets and gossips, and only each other, and yet, you completely stopped talking to me, making other confidantes now, and here I am, having no one but my maid to talk with, as my last living sister hates me eternally, and rightfully so, and so, I crushed a Narcissus.

You used to take me out at midnight and dance under the veil of stars, under the healing, guarding, loving light of Mother Moon, and we would confess our undying love for each other, and yet, nothing is eternal, and your love for me extinguished like the fire from a candle, and reignited on many other candles, and so, I crushed an Azalea.

But most importantly...

You promised that, no matter what, our hearts will always belong to each other, and nobody else - I kept my end of the promise, but you broke it as soon as you took the throne, and I watched you run further and further away from me, while I was wilting away, exhausted, starving, alone...And so...I crushed a thorny Rose...And let the blood spill on the pure snow...The same pure snow that was my life and innocence which you tainted with your negligence and lies.

The least you could have done was to let me live, at least for now, but it is as you once said - ‘Don’t look at other men, don’t leave me. You are mine, and you can only be mine’ - such an innocent phrase, that only applied to you, not to me, as I had to share you with countless women, yet you didn’t even let me tug on the last string of hope that coincidentally found itself in front of me. 

It was a mirage, just like the happiness you promised me, and no matter how much I tried to run, the image became further and further distant, until my legs gave up, and I began crawling...And crawling...Until it disappeared completely, and I lay grieving on the deserted snow, warmer than your own ice-cold heart.

I should have chosen happiness over duty - I should have eloped with JiKang back then, before I chose to honour everyone and come into the Palace, but that was my biggest mistake, and my greatest downfall - I met you, and as soon as I looked into your eyes, I was trapped.

I was truly nothing more than your caged songbird, and once you got tired of my song, you threw away the key, and my cage in some forgotten chamber, scary, away from any form of life, darker and colder than anything, even Hell.

But it’s fine.

In the end, if it wasn’t true for you, it was true for me, and on my last seconds alive, as I lay on the blanket of snow, just as I told you back then, listening to my own Requiem being played at the Banquet, I count the falling snowflakes, and with each of them, I would think of a beautiful moment that we shared together, and my heart, despite being shattered, smiled, after ages of forgetting how to.

I am happy, at least now, as I lay dying, knowing that I will finally see my beloved Yin Zhen again, as you took him away from me - You, Emperor Yongzheng, destroyed the love between me, Y/N, a simple physician, and Yin Zhen, the 4th Prince, who truly loved me with all of his heart, and I, in turn, loved him with every fiber of my very being.

I blame you, Emperor Yongzheng, for taking my beloved away from me, and taking my youth and heart and locking them in a cell, but at least now, I know that I can be happy, with him, my beautiful, sweet, lovely Yin Zhen, my husband, best friend and confidante.

The only person who was ever by my side all this time has been my maid, Shi Lian - And as a thank you, I want to promote her to Lady Yongqing, and all my riches go to her - I wish you only the best, and I hope, my dear Shi Lian, that you will be happy for me as well.

In the end, I was never Wu Zetian, or Hua Mulan, nor Diaochan or Yang Gufei - I was just Y/N, a pitiful Physician, a pitiful Empress, and, above all, a sad woman, trapped in a hopeless world of sorrow.

Goodbye.

Y/N, the Female Imperial Physician.

Reading that, the Emperor didn’t realise that tears were escaping from his eyes, as he rushed out of the room, making his way to the Plum Garden, only to find the woman he loved with all his being dead, covered by snow, her skin paler than ice itself, and a red stain where her head was - Wine, replicating the incident many years ago.  Next to her, lay the flute he gifted her long ago, and he realised that she was playing her sorrows until the very end. He discovered the wine bottle and poison sachet in the bag, the very bag that she used to steal the incriminatory objects from the consort long ago, and on the snow, he saw a phrase written, one so ironic, yet painful beyond belief.

“A Zhang of Redness”

In the end, she was right - It all began and ended with A Zhang of Redness.

He was, once again, Yin Zhen, the man hopelessly in love, and hopelessly crushed, as he held her in his arms and wept, the salty droplets of water falling down her face in rivers, and in that moment, he couldn’t help but have flashbacks from his youth, all of them, with her by his side.

He truly was the worst, being capable of neglecting the one person he held in higher esteem than Buddha himself, and yet, he let this happen.

How could he let this happen? Why did he do something like this? Did the title of Emperor really get to his head like that? Did he truly forget who he was all this time? Was he, maybe, the one trapped in a false world, away from any exits or escapes?

He didn’t know, and yet, one thing was sure - Y/N was dead, and there was no bringing her back.

At her funeral, he invited JiKang to play, and the Emperor could feel the musician’s own heart throbbing in sorrow, as he looked at her with empty eyes, and yet, the pity and anger he felt was obvious from the way he played.

As night came, and they all lit lanterns to float into the skies, and put candles on lotus flowers, to light up her way to a better, more beautiful world, the two men remained alone, only sadness linking them.

“What were the songs that you played?” the Emperor asked in a low voice. “Songs that I promised I would play in her honour, the last time we talked. I knew what she was going to do, and yet, knowing that she killed herself when I played for her - And more - that she, herself, played, makes my heart ache even more.  ‘Requiem for God’s Caged Bird’ and ‘The Lovely Fox Spirit and The Wavering Dragon’  were the name of the songs.” the musician replied with a certain harsh coldness that resembled a blizzard. “I see...Very fitting indeed.” he grunted in approval hearing his statement. “You are the cruelest man alive. Instead of taking care of her, you let her die. You didn’t even give her a second chance of living. You were desperate to possess everything and everyone. To have everything under your control. So much that you don’t even notice, nor care, that the most beautiful flower wilted in your very own hands. You should be ashamed of yourself, to even call yourself an Emperor. You never deserved her, that much, is clear to me.” JiKang glared at the Emperor, not caring for any kind of repercussion. “You are correct. I never deserved her. I loved her more than anything in this world, and yet, I destroyed everything for her, and now, she is no more. She shares the same fate as all the Four Beauties of China - A most tragic end, for all of them. And the worst is that she needed to die in order for me to wake up, and now, I can’t even make it up to her. Honouring her after death means nothing, if I didn’t while she was alive. It changes nothing.” the Emperor sighed deeply, looking at the stars, the ones she loved so much, and would count together from the top of the flowery hill. “That star right there - It used to be our star. Whenever we’d go to the hill together, we’d search for it. It was our guardian star. It was the brightest, and most beautiful. And now, it seems to be be even brighter...Just like that tale of the Rabbit Moon Goddess.” “...At least bother remembering her after death, if you couldn’t do it while she was alive.” the musician left the Emperor to his own thoughts. “I am sorry, my darling Y/N. I love you. Forever. Endlessly. Only you.” the Emperor muttered, staring at the star, allowing himself to mourn properly now, away from anyone’s eyes.

The Palace of Blue Lotus became her shrine, filled with flowers and beautifully written poems, and guarding it, a statue of her, and a statue of a nine tailed fox, a Huli jing, were standing there, letting offerings of flower crowns, jewelleries, jades and trinkets be placed around and all over them, to honour her kind, beautiful heart, as it should have happened while she was alive.

As promised, the Emperor promoted Shi Lian, but to the title of Lady Shuyu, just like Y/N once was, and offered her a huge allowance, almost the size of an Empress, hoping that it would make Y/N happy beyond life...Yet seeing the maid grieving, her face pink and puffy, no longer cheerful, hurt him beyond belief, as he was reminded of the sins he committed.

And so, once again, he had to pink new concubines for his unfortunate Harem, along with his new Empress, Zhen Huan, just as Y/N said...And there she was, a beautiful young woman, full of life and hope, obviously not wanting to become a slave to him, so he interrogated him, just as he did with Y/N, long ago. This time, his brother, Duke Guo, a free soul seeking his soulmate, was by his side.

The Emperor ordered for a zither to be brought forth for the woman to play, and as soon as she did, his brother joined in, accompanying her in perfect sync, and just as it happened to him long ago, their eyes were trapping each other in a beautiful enchantment of love and bashfulness.

Please, Gods, let them be what I and Y/N couldn’t be, Yin Zhen begged in his heart, watching those two shyly exchanging looks.

“I know you never wanted to serve me as a concubine. You very much resemble my wife, the late Empress Y/N. If you were to join the harem, your heart will be destroyed. That is why...If you would want to, I will allow you to marry any man you fall in love with, even if it is my own brother, Duke Guo. He always preached about wanting to find the his soulmate, and you two look at each other the same way I and Y/N would, long ago. Don’t waste this love on stupid things, like I did. Cherish it, and keep your promises to each other. You never know when life snatches away your happiness, leaving only emptiness and sorrow behind.” Yin Zhen looked at them, his heart conflicted, feeling both happiness and sadness, as the man and woman in front of him appeared to be just another version of himself and Y/N.

He couldn’t see the girl, nor his brother.

He could only see a beautiful red haired woman with green eyes, flowers in her long, cascading hair, and her gorgeous green gown, looking like a Fox Spirit, or a Lotus...And a man, gazing at her lovingly, wearing vibrant gold, his expression soft, despite the deep, dark eyes, that now held love, warmth and tenderness in them.

It wasn’t some random girl and some random boy.

It was Y/N and Yin Zhen.

And then he wept once again for their lost love.

[ia-bi-tia]

Adina info

CW: mentions of abuse!

Backstory:

They grew up alongside Ia in their little village of Pasamani fairly near Nevinon. The pair were largely ignored or yelled at as children and spent their childhoods working on the family farm. The two kept to themselves mostly. Adina is the more reserved of the two and often found escape from their rough childhood in their imagination. The few times a year their biological father would come to visit the twins, he would take good care to focus on feeding Adina’s imagination while focusing on honing Ia’s musical talents. Adina was always had a better work ethic and was more athletic than Ia and this was very much exploited on their farm.

At 11, when their biological father died, they were heartbroken and became even more quiet, unsure of how to deal with grief at such a young age but thinking it better to stay silent and strong for Ia who was a very outwardly mess about the situation.

They didn’t know all the details of what was going on with Ia once the two hit puberty but took hints of how their mother started treating Ia, though they didn’t want to start any shit. But once their mother took Ia on a trip to a physician they never came back from, everything clicked together. The lie their mother spread was that Ia had died due to a complication and there was even a burial they had to attend. Adina didn’t believe this and one night they overheard their mother talking to their step father about what had really transpired and they immediately made food for Ia and rode a horse to where they were. This would be the last time  they would see Ia for a few years.

They came back home a few days later to pick up their things but what was waiting for them was a full month of beatings and abuse they had to endure. Once they finally managed to run away, they went back to where Ia last was but they were already gone. After some time of trying to figure out what to do, they determined it would be best to pick up work somewhere farther from home. 

They traveled for a bit before  settling at Macawi port where they picked up work as a manual laborer. This really took a toll on their mental health but during one expedition into the woods around it, they stumbled upon a girl about their age with curious tattoos on her hands. She approached them with great interest and introduced herself as Vida. She decided to befriend them and they would come hang out with her every so often, unsure if she was human or not, but having a friend during that time meant everything to them.

After a few months she invited them to her little druidic settlement for a ritual celebration, which unknowingly fell on their 17th birthday. Adina showed her prowess as a storyteller and the druids invited them to come live with them, seeing her potential for the life. She agreed and sure enough, with the guiding hands of the elders she proved to have a knack for magic. They excelled at divination and proved to have keen eyes for seeing spirits in the woods. Spellcasting did prove to be difficult to them but they spent a lot of time trying to perfect a way to contact and find Ia. During all of this, their friendship grew with Vida and the two developed romantic feelings after some time.

For years Adina worked on a spell to contact Ia but to no avail seeing as they seemed to have a barrier to them. But at some point they started sensing another energy which was around them all the time and they started trying to contact the other individual. It took some time to get to them, the first few times the person probably not aware someone was trying to contact them but finally they managed to get a reply.

“Vesuvia.”

Vida didn’t like them just taking off and ruining the good life they have and the promise of a future together, but Adina pulled a ‘their biological father’ and went off. 

Anyways, that’s ow they end up in Vesuvia. (Is it obvious I lost concentration here?)

Personality:

They are soft-spoken and have a calming presence. 

They have a natural elegance about them and their voice is very much giving me cashmere. They don’t speak often and are never too loud. Once they do start speaking, it is usually to take the listener on a trip (you should talk to them when stoned!). 

They have a magnetic presence and can come off as mysterious but to be fair, they are simply lost in the clouds most of the time. 

They love to work with their hands and clean - there is an order to things in their head and feel best when their surroundings reflect that.

They can be a little dense, especially with social interactions. However, they are super friendly!

They take good care to work on themself spiritually and emotionally but it’s super hard (as is for literally anyone)

They like to people watch when in cities but their favourite place is deep in the woods.

They can come off as a bit rude or too honest but they usually have the best intentions. Also, they often say things which can be bewildering but excuse them, they literally spent the last few years in the woods with a very close group of people.

They will approach people they find interesting to talk to them.

They love animals! They’re all friends!

Also plants!

Appearance:

They are 6′0 (180 cm) and of a slim build but you can see a bit of muscle peeking through. They have dark brown curly hair in the style of a shag and they often use ribbons to style it (see: literally any picture of them). They have an aquiline nose, just like Ia, and decorate it with a golden nose ring on either side. They also have a labret piercing on their fuller lips. They sport a little mustache and their eyebrows are thick and almost connect. They have scarifications on their hands given to them by Vida as a sign of belonging. 

Thank you so much for reading! <3

[foryourinformationmd]

Advice from a Professional Doctor, Asher Nitin.

Ignore all the portrayals of life in medical school by your pre-med lecturers. If they begin a med school narrative with, “My nephew is a doctor and he told me…,” instantly disregard it. His nephew did not tell him that. He told him much more. Those are merely the parts he wants to remember. If it isn’t a recently-graduated doctor telling you what life in med school is like, it isn’t going to be anything like what they will tell you. So what is it like instead? Grey’s anatomy? House, M.D.?

Neither. Med school is more like Scrubs and The Knick than it is like Grey’s Anatomy and House, M.D. Unlike Grey’s Anatomy, you and your fellow medical students will not be that good looking. You will not sleep with each other as much. You will not cry over your patients (you’ll have a hard time remembering their full name). And you will not monkey around with barely-tested experimental procedures. Ever. If you do, it’ll probably be the last thing you do because good-bye medical school. Unlike House, all medicine will be diagnostic. Your professors will only appear to be brilliant (it’s really just decades of specialized knowledge and experience; with their subject and with your type). Diagnosis will be algorithmic, and even that algorithm won’t be your own. But you will still get a kick out of it. Like Scrubs and The Knick, your medical school will be your life. You will eat, sleep and dream medicine. Your entire social circle will consist of your colleagues. Your family will be the one stable point in your life. You’ll date your colleagues.

Speaking of dating, your sexy does not go up when you become a doctor. I mean this practically. Theoretically, I’m told doctors are hot. I can see why. They undeniably have inherent value: social standing, (the promise of) money, proof of intelligence (actually, no) and actual power over life (more than you know). But practically speaking (especially if you’re male) your dating life will not get better as a medical student. That is because the demands of medical school will swamp you. You will come home tired. Your pool of prospective partners will mostly consist of your medical colleagues. So while your newfound status as a doctor might have value in non-medical circles, it will mean nothing because you will almost never frequent those circles. But within the circle you’re in, your status as a medical student means nothing, because so what? Everyone is one too. “But Asher!” you say, frantically gesturing at me to pause, “I’ll be smart and date outside of medical school.” No, dummy. You’ll be a dummy if you do that because…

The more friends you have outside of med school the harder it is to excel. Med school is about an ethos. You’re not just part of a course. You’re part of a community. This is now your primary identity. All your self worth are now belong with us, bi*ch. There is this neurological phenomenon seen in people trying to study. When you’re focused on something, if you break off and engage with something unrelated, your brain takes up to twenty minutes to fully refocus on the original task once you return to it. In life as well, broadly speaking, I’ve observed a similar phenomenon. I’ve known three students in med school whose circle of friends mostly lay outside of med school. One hung out with mostly dancers and choreographers. One was a socialite. One hung out with the sons of politicians. They all were (and still are as of now) the worst doctors I have ever seen. This is because they constantly take breaks from the ethos of medical life. They miss out on the rhythm of life in the world of medicine. So you should know that…

You will leave most of your old friends behind, and you won’t even mind. Of all the various professions, I’m told, physicians tend to default the most on school reunions. That is partly because they don’t have the time, but also because they don’t care. It isn’t that we become arrogant or unsocial. It is that the act of medical education deeply changes you. It makes you more functionally intelligent. It makes you less prone to fake drama. It makes you calmer in crisis. All these after-effects will permanently drive a wedge between you and many of the people you used to know. This is a surprising side-effect no one anticipates; least of all your elders. And that is an amusing paradox. They anticipate your becoming a doctor because they know medical school is elevation. They don’t realize the side effect of this elevation is you will now talk down to them.

Your most important subject in pre-med is physics. Look, pre-med isn’t really about information continuity. The organisms you will dissect in pre-med will be phylogenetically disconnected from med school. You dissect a plant stem, a plant root, an earthworm, a cockroach, a frog, and then… a human being? See? You won’t be seamlessly connecting domains of knowledge. Pre-med isn’t even about building a conceptual base. Many things you learn in pre-med biology will be repeated in so much greater detail in med school that your prior knowledge will only partially help. Pre-med is about picking up mental skills you will need. Let’s talk about those.

You need to learn to form a train of thought fast. The great thing about learning to solve problems in physics is that you learn to solve problems in general. You learn to quickly identify variables and constants. Sometimes there will be constants in the problem that would normally be variables in real life. You learn to work with those too. Physics allows you to become mentally agile with concepts. If you get fluid mechanics, you can handle the physiology of hypovolemic shock. If you get lever mechanisms (in different orders), you can handle applied anatomy in orthopedics. If you get optics, you can handle a lot of neurology and ophthalmology. In my experience, the students who have the hardest time in med school are the ones who didn’t learn to think on their feet within a fixed framework of time.

You hate memorizing? Actually, you don’t. It’s all about the context. Literally none of us salivated at the prospect of memorizing taxonomies. We hated it and struggled over it and were glad when we were done with it. That was because it was something we knew we would never use. In med school, you will do a lot of memorizing. But you will enjoy it (or at least you can, if you choose; I’m a huge nerd). Many doctors will tell you how easily drug classifications embed themselves in their brains. This is despite the fact that the latter are more complex than zoology taxonomy charts or botanical floral formulas. The difference is that your knowledge of drug classification will impact what you will say to your aunt when she confronts you over her persistent back pain over Christmas dinner (poor posture, it’s always poor posture; she sits like a potato). So you will memorize a lot. It won’t be anything like memorizing was before. Rest easy. You will find it easy to like it.

Your persona does not matter. Caring for people and being compassionate and wanting to cure disease are the least important things in medicine. You need to be able to meaningfully link vast amounts of information to come to a correct diagnosis as per established algorithms. You need to perform surgical procedures within a reasonable amount of time with a decent degree of success. All else is secondary. When most of your non-doctor relatives tell you that a doctor’s personality matters, they’re doing something called argument from ignorance. You see, the world of medicine is so big and so complex that most of it is technically incomprehensible to the general public. So they latch on to the few aspects of a doctor’s life they are mentally capable of understanding (and commenting upon; remember their first reaction to meeting someone with an education superior to theirs is to give them tips). So they will talk about a doctor’s personality because it is the only part they can presume to have some expertise on. Even that they do not. Don’t ever do stupid things like falling in love with your patients or building deep and personal relationships with your patients. You will never last in medicine. This is not because the emotional trauma of losing them will wreck you. This is because you will go bankrupt fighting lawsuits accusing you of patient preference. You will feel the pressure in the things non-doctors will say behind a good doctors back. “He’s so boring at parties, he can only talk work stuff.” If that is your destiny, so be it. Own it. They find you boring? So what? You were not put on this earth to entertain the illiterate at parties. You were sent here to be a lifesaver; not to have a personality that appeals to the lowest common denominator.

I’m telling you it does not matter. The practice of medicine is life on the edge of reality. All personalities are welcome because medical school is a personality in itself.

The materialists among us are taught the value of wisdom and the ascetics among us learn to knot a Double-Windsor.

The atheists among us will pray frantically and the religious among us will find no time for church on Sunday.

The loudmouthed learn to whisper in the NICU and the soft-spoken learn to yell, “Stat!” in the ER.

The type-A personalities among us learn to break the news of a patient’s passing to his relatives and the type-B personalities among us learn to argue medico-legal cases.

The clumsy among us learn to suture wounds and the nimble learn to administer CPR.

Materialists. Ascetics. Atheists. Theists. Loudmouthed. Soft-spoken. Type-A. Type-B. Clumsy. Nimble.

In medical school, we all meet in the middle.

PS: Photo not mine. Credits to the rightfully owner. 

[alistonjdrake]

Part One: The Smiling Prince

Prince Cidro an’Frederick Harver Born: Year 1748 after the fall of the Saints Mother: Queen Isolde ana’Juliano Rios Wife: Lady Liliana ana’Ignacio Verona of Veron, Princess Consort of the Escana Empire

As first in line for the throne and Crown Prince of Escan, Prince Cidro was born in the months after King Frederick’s coronation and wedding and as the smoke cleared on the repairs to Graza city after the siege.

And he was born, as noted by contemporaries, scandalously early. 

Much of what is known about the trial of Queen Isolde’s birth comes from Lady Helena, King Frederick’s mother, as she was strictly attentive of her daughter-in-law in the early days of the Harver reign. 

The Queen Mother wrote in her diary that, “The midwife took Her Majesty the Queen to the birthing chamber in the early evening after a complaint of stomach problems and I followed soon after. I found the woman on her hands and knees and fretting over a little blood. The midwife assured her it was not enough to cause worry over the babe. I had not the mind to hear her complaints and, eager for her to get to the business, called for the physician to prepare a draft to ease the going. Our prince was born in the morning. A small and wrinkled thing but he had the same dip in his forehead that I recalled seeing on both of my own boys in their first days. The midwife seemed worried about his fragility but he screamed for life with powerful lungs and I made sure one of the servants went to alert Frederick, for now his claim was secure.” 

At the time, the court had been whispering about the timeline and the very evident animosity between the royal couple. Queen Isolde had had attentions to marry another before the treaty with King Frederick and the man had been in Graza during the duration of the pregnancy. There was also some speculation that Lady Helena threatened Queen Isolde, going so far as to hold a knife to her throat while the midwife cleaned and prepared the baby for viewing in case it was revealed that the child was not King Frederick’s. This event, true or not, later inspired a song and a rhyme often giving in warning from parents to their child’s spouse on the eve of weddings. 

Whatever the rumors were and if they were founded in truths, King Frederick and Lady Helena both accepted Prince Cidro as a member of the Harver family. And his birth came with great fanfare as it was likely used as an excuse to wipe the slate clean. In the months after his arrival, there were festivals throughout the streets of Graza, King Frederick minted a new coin and named it after him and had it given it out generously to the people, there were several ceremonies in which King Frederick simply displayed his son to the court.

However, as he got older few would say Prince Cidro was particularly spoiled. After the death of his mother, he was raised under the attentive care and strict scheduling of Lady Helena. She hired an array of tutors for the first born as she wanted him to be excessively well-read. It should be noted, King Frederick was the first worldly king of Escan, the first one that the rest of the continent paid any true attention to, and so they likely felt they had a lot riding on the reputation of the first son. 

However, Prince Cidro did not excel in much. He was not talented in arts, did not take to military stratagem or showed any signs of being a tactician, was not incredibly wise about politics, and never really took to learning languages outside of Escan, basic Oskyi, and passable Ceoye. And yet, the one thing all his tutors would agree on was that Cidro was marvelously charming. 

By the age of nine, people would say he could light up a room. He was very personable and people felt draw to the small prince. It was said King Frederick would sometimes have him tag along as a good luck charm. If the young boy had any talents, it was in diplomacy and carrying conversation. Those in his inner circle said he was never jealous, never bitter, always supportive, always kind. He did not shy away from his own ignorance on subjects and would make a point as he got older to invite experts to court to explain something when he did not understand. 

Prince Cidro was very fond of all his siblings and would often describe himself as a family man, but he was undoubtedly closest to Prince Leonides and they worked together on most things. While Cidro was the charming and personable one, Prince Leonides was the elusive and stern one, and one often complimented for his brain. Dissenters in Graza’s court would say that Prince Cidro was empty-headed who let his younger brother do all the thinking for him. 

Cidro was not unaware of these statements and he did establish himself in other areas. While he did not have the cunning and talent to earn himself the title as the youngest appointed councilman like Prince Leonides (in fact he would not join until he was twenty in contrast to Prince Leonides’ appointment at fourteen). Cidro placed most of his focus in foreign affairs and into their relationship with the nations underneath Escan’s banner. Most notably, and controversial, it was found in letters with the vicereine of Karri that Cidro was incredibly critical of Escan’s actions in the Rhine nations and wanted some sort of reform. This is often credited as one of the reasons he traveled to frequently during his twenties.

Speaking of, Cidro was famously romantic in his youth. He was a very obvious eligible bachelor by the time he was an adult as the heir to a rich nation. He was offered the hand of foreign princesses, influential aristocrats, and there was no shortage of suitable options at Graza Palace. Most of Cidro’s attempts at courtship were short-lived and there doesn’t seem to be any reason why. There was some talk of similarities between him and his father, but as far as anyone knows Prince Cidro did not have any lovers or hidden children. In fact, plenty of his romantic attempts would be later called quite juvenile. 

Although not often talked about, Prince Cidro did partake in Graza’s tradition of excessive drinking and partying but somehow avoided causing any long-lasting scandals from this period of his life. Prince Cidro was also at times a bit of a gambler and lost money easily to courtiers at card tables before needing to be dragged away. He was, at the very least, a courteous loser much to the point it was reported people would give him his money back because they felt bad. 

Before leaving court, Cidro always took time to spend with his siblings. He was famously the one who had to report the assassination of Queen Luca to Prince Argus. He was very fond of all of them, supporting their hobbies and at times funding some of their projects if their father could not fit it into the budget. He preached the importance of family time and occasional dinners. He gave them many gifts (both while he was in Graza and later he would shower them in souvenirs from his travels) and was always more than happy to offer brotherly advice. He has always tried to be respectful and accommodating to the many queens and stepmothers he’s had throughout his father’s reign and often quoted that he was not close to his own, and as many of his siblings did not have the benefit of knowing their grandmother like he did, took it upon himself to fill that space. 

He would eventually meet and marry Lady Liliana ana’Ignacio Verona in 1770 when the couple were twenty-two and would begin the aforementioned decade of traveling throughout Escan’s territories. 

Cidro would become a big supporter of Lady Liliana’s charitable endeavors and the couple would open schools and religious institutions together, although Prince Cidro’s dedication to Santivism was never strictly stated and at times he often treated convents more as convenient sanctuaries for Escan’s orphans than a place for the Saints. 

In 1782, at the age of thirty-four, Prince Cidro returns to Graza with the news that his wife is pregnant and eager to reunite with his beloved family. 

[sheetsonfire]

I always tell myself I'm going to work on X, Y, Z first and then another idea comes along and it sweeps me away! One such idea came from @afro-hispwriter who had a Jay Halstead x Bi!Reader prompt, which I asked to be able to take up. The Reader's ex is Ava Bekker, and Ava is in Chicago to cause Reader and Jay some trouble.

The working title is Old Flames Can Still Burn You and here's a small tidbit from my current progress:

“Look, things have been hard enough proving to Dr Latham I’m good enough to be his CT fellow and then the hospital decided to let a second fellow join. He seemed delighted this morning when he told me.”

Natalie chimes in, having known Dr Latham a lot longer than Connor she had been trying to reassure the surgeon that Dr Latham had the greatest respect for him. 

“Connor, you know Dr Latham isn’t petty like that, and we all know how good of a physician you are." Natalie encourages, and you nod in agreement, nobody ever doubted how excellent Connor was at his job, Nat then continues, "He’s probably just excited to have two great minds instead of one working for him. Presumably, this new doctor is a great mind too, right?”

Connor’s jaw clenches, thinking back to his first interaction with the new doctor, she had been… forward. It wasn’t usually a problem for Connor but there was a smugness to her, and he had felt defensive when she immediately diagnosed Dr Latham with Asperger's, annoyed that she would presume to know the man he had tried so hard to build a rapport with. Then again, he mused, the referral he had seen spoke for itself, she was an exciting new prospect from a professional standpoint. 

“Well yeah… yeah, of course, she was one of the top names in South Africa."

Connor turns to you, "Actually, she’s come from Groote Schuur in Cape Town. Y/N, you might have heard of her, Ava Bekker?”

The second Connor had said “Groote Schuur” your stomach had threatened to return your lunch back to the picnic table and over your friends. Your stomach felt like lead and you could feel the clamminess instantly break out over your skin beneath your winter layers. The world had started to zone out from focus, clumsily putting your coffee back on the table before you could drop it entirely.

Your friends knew you had spent nearly two years in South Africa, after becoming a fully qualified Emergency Medicine doctor as part of a fellowship programme. You had worked in the ED of Groote Schuur… but what they didn’t know was that you knew Ava Bekker all too well.

“Y/N, you okay?” Connor asks, confused at your reaction. 

Your throat felt tight, and your heart hammered away with adrenaline pulsing, you had to take a second away from the group, you didn’t want them to see how messed up you felt at the mere mention of her. 

“I-I’m fine, just uh… wooh, ate too much. I just need to take a walk, I’ll be right back, you guys go on inside before you, uh, freeze...” You give them all a tight smile, shuffling off the wooden seat and in the direction of the parking lot, not daring to look back at the concerned faces of your friends. 

With shaking legs you hastily move towards a rarely used break spot at the side of the ED's building, except as you stumbled with your head down you walked smack into a firm body. 

You yelp, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I-I-...” You can’t help your jittered words as your brain fires a thousand thoughts at once. Ready to apologise profusely for not being more observant, you're panting hard. Finally looking up to see who it was. 

“Y/N?” Jay’s face falls from confusion to concern when he sees your panicked expression. “What’s wrong?” 

TBC.

[egelantier]

Yuletide Recs

Having had two days of more or less nothing but reading fics, I come bearing recs!

First of all, my amazing gifts:

The Goblin Emperor

For Thy Principles

The nohecharei of Edrehasivar VII were unparalleled in their defense of his person, but there were limits to even their prowess. When Maia first developed the fever, Cala quickly determined that it was not the end result of a magically-based assassination attempt – and from there it had to be left to the court physicians.

Maia falls ill, and Csethiro protects him as best she can.

Beautifully gentle Maia sickfic, with Csethiro holding him together. For me all for meeee.

Benjamin January Mysteries

Dry as a Bone

“Oh. Well, I’ve been better, maestro, been a hell of a lot better to tell truth.” Shaw stared at him for a long moment, and he was stunned to see honest to God grief in his eyes. Even when Shaw had just lost his brother he had been so much more himself than this lost man currently standing before him. “Not that I mean to put anything extra on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ve got enough of your own shit going on at present moment, but it seems like I’ve just lost my job.”

Shaw loses his job, and finally confronts Ben about trust (and lack thereof) between them. It’s GREAT.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

A Distraction Worth Losing

They may never be together, but the gods would have to move heaven and earth to split Rune and Brand apart.

Brand, Rune and The Kiss incident. (Poor messed up babies, somebody save them.)

And fics of the collection:

17776, Astreiant, Raksura, Frederica, The Gentlemen, The Goblin Emperor, Hades, Innkeeper Chronicles, Jeeves, Kate Daniels, King Arthur the movie, My Next Life as a Villainess, Nirvana in Fire, No. 6, Psmith, The Secret Garden, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Swordspoint, The Tarot Sequence, Teixcalaan Series, The Temple of the White Rat verse

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future

so far, so fast

When Manny gets a craving for some fancy meal he had once, over ten thousand years ago, Nick decides he’s gonna fulfill that craving, no matter how hard it is. Because real romance is about making the impossible happen for his husband.

Goddamn transcendental.

Go Get It

Sometimes you start out just planning to get some groceries with your husband, and next thing you know, you’re committing to join the most hopeless team in college football.

Nick and Manny decide to play. It’s perfect.

Afterlife

A young man dies six months before the end of human death; his loss saves five lives, which end up much longer than anyone expects. (A series of worldbuilding vignettes about original characters in the 17776 setting.)

Made me cry, in a very cathartic way.

Astreiant Series - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

April dressed in all his trim

A quiet evening in spring.

Sweet little slice-of-life with lovely sensory details.

Books of the Raksura

The Second Consort

“When Glow arrives, be friendly and welcoming,” Ember said. “Not scary.”

“Why does everyone think I’m going to scare him?”

Chime said, “They can see your face when you look at him.” He paused, glancing over at Moon. “That face, that’s the one.”

Ember sighed. “I remember being in his position. It’s pretty nerve-wracking coming to a new court and not knowing what’s going to happen to you there - whether they’re going to welcome you or shun you, whether you’ll make new friends, whether a queen is going to claim you…” He came and put a sympathetic hand on Moon’s shoulder. “Glow is probably worried about all of those things, and missing his home and clutchmates, and it’s our job to try and help him relax.” For a moment Moon thought he was just being soft-hearted, until Ember added, “He won’t open up and tell us what’s really going on unless he’s relaxed.”

Jade takes in a new consort, on Moon’s permission, and everybody is delightfully adult about it.

Frederica

Lady Alverstoke

Frederica commences her first Season as a married woman by planning a ball, promising most straitly that her husband will have nothing whatsoever to do …

Sweet and funny slice-of-life post-happy-ending for canon.

**The Gentlemen (2019) **

Even

The week after he intercepts Fletcher, that squirrelly little cunt, outside the London Miramax office, Raymond reluctantly ventures down to Brixton.

Under normal circumstances, Raymond tends to give this part of Brixton a wide berth, but he has unfinished business that needs attending to. Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to like being accosted by the overwhelming smell of greasy fish and chips when he pushes the car door open, doesn’t mean he has to be pleased about stepping into a piece of chewed-up gum the moment he sets a foot on the kerb.

But then, he can always take a shower after an errand in Brixton. The deep-seated discomfort of unfinished business doesn’t wash off that easily.

Raymond tries to pay Coach back for saving his life, and it doesn’t quite go as planned :D

The Goblin Emperor

The Archduke’s Discovery

Prince Nemolis goes on a journey, and learns a bit more than he wanted to know.

Really great point of canon divergence, and true and precise character voices.

Hades

all the spaces between us

For a place full of the dead, crammed with ghostly shades and nothing but the endless lull of eternity unchanging, gossip sure travelled fast in the Underworld.

Or, Zagreus mulls over his relationship with Thanatos while the rest of the Underworld get overly invested.

Slow, slow, slowest of burns.

Innkeeper Chronicles - Ilona Andrews

A Quick Trip

“It’ll be a quick trip,” Maud said, more to herself than to Arland. “No one will even notice we’re gone.”

Pirates are plaguing an ally, just outside of vampire space. Maud and Arland don some aesthetically beat-up armor and try to get more information from the pirates themselves. Of course, plans only last until you meet your enemy. Or your enemy’s giant alien attack boar.

Excellent canon voice, action/adventure sprinkled with badassery and hilarity.

Jeeves & Wooster

August Thirteenth

Discovering that this is not the first August thirteenth that he’s lived through, that certainly was a head scratcher. Luckily Bertie has the stalwart presence of his man’s man, Jeeves.

Very, very great and satisfying use of the time loop.

Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews

lookin’ like a snack (cake)

It took Barabas a while to figure it out, because he wasn’t used to not being taken seriously.

Barabas considered several ways to phrase it, and finally settled upon, “Do you have a thing for twinks?” Christopher knocked his head back against the headrest: once, then again. “Is that a yes?”

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

When Goosefat Bill finds himself in a difficult situation, the last thing he wants is the King to show up and “help”, in his own unique and unexpected way.

Goosefat Bill does not need to be rescued by his King. But he might just enjoy it a little.

My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)

All I Have To Bring Today

Catarina and Sophia had been discussing the latest in the Devilish Count series, and Sophia had mentioned how romantic the surprise picnic the count had planned for his lover was and how she wished for someone to surprise her like that.

“What about you, Catarina? Have you ever wished for someone to sweep you off your feet?” Sophia had asked.

Catarina makes a choice! As sweet and as hilarious as the canon.

Nirvana in Fire

Adverse Event

What a pitiful man must he have become, if the only thing he could provoke in bed was a monologue on his character flaws.

: or, the famous strategist mei changsu plays xanatos speed chess against truth serum: the fic.

Mei Changsu gets hit with an accidental truth serum; it doesn’t stop him from lying to himself, but it does buy Jingyan a clue.

Records of the Land of Xiang

There was something of Xiao Jingyan there, in the firmness of his jaw, the unforgiving slash of his brows, and most clearly in the eyes that neither saw nor conveyed deception. But Long Zhan was not Jingyan, could never be, no matter how much Changsu might wish otherwise, because Jingyan was dead.

In service to a very-much-alive Prince Qi, Jingyan dons a Jianghu-typical disguise and infiltrates the Jiangzuo Alliance to suss out this Mei Changsu fellow and see if he might be useful in helping them re-open the Chiyan conspiracy case. Basically, a slightly ridiculous premise where everyone is running around the Jianghu with masks, multiple identities, and secret agendas.

Fascinating and fun AU scenario that delves, among other things, into Mei Changsu the jianghu chef, not Sir Su the court schemer.

suffering as I suffer you

The first time Jingyan stays the night at Su Manor, he discovers an uncomfortable truth about Mei Changsu.

Excellent extrapolation of Mei Changsu’s illness into his nightly routine - with Jingyan watching…

Here, In Our Arms

With the world put to rights, however briefly, Xiao Jingyan and Mu Nihuang take the opportunity to make a fuss over their beloved Lin Shu, and will not take no for an answer.

Sweet moment of comfort.

Find the Coals Amid the Ashes

Despite Changsu’s assertions, Lin Chen is a well brought up person. He would never violate his host’s privacy during a social call. It would be inexcusable, for example, to break into a marquis’s private alchemy lab in the middle of said marquis’s birthday party, in order to search said alchemy lab for certain hard to find medicinal herbs, which one has reason to believe can be found therein. These would be the actions of a man without honour, of a man who has only desperation to his name.

Lin Chen crashes a party and makes a new friend.

The best team up ever :D

Dead Letters

Mei Changsu isn’t the only schemer in Da Liang.

Fei Liu fixes things, in the most Fei Liu way imaginable, and it’s great.

No. 6

All Good Things

In the midst of a crisis for No. 6, Nezumi returns to Shion’s side.

A reunion! And cuddling.

Psmith

The Psky Is The Limit

“As this ship’s Orator, my mission is still as it was in the beginning and shall ever be, world without end. It is to hail any message sent by comrades from outer space and pass it on to you verbatim. Well! The hour, I say, has come. The Word has come into being. Here comes Psmith, bearing news of great mirth: the intercom has spoken.”

(A Mike and Psmith Space AU)

Psmith in space! Hysterically funny Psmith in Pspace, at that.

Psmith Pops In

Psmith reached over and solicitously loosened Mike’s scarf, his fingers brushing the skin of Mike’s neck, and that young man, to his horror, felt heat creeping up from where gloved fingers brushed his bare skin. Really, this blushing nonsense was getting out of hand. Ever since Psmith had tried to take the blame in the case of the painted dog, Mike had developed an inexplicable habit of turning hot and cold around him, and these odd responses had become more and more frequent.

Very funny! And then very tragique! And then jussssst right.

The Secret Garden

The Space Garden

When Meri La Nix was sent from the Mars colony to live with her aunt at Missiles Wait Manor, nobody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. But some of them thought it.

Beautifully inventive space retelling - with gardens, still.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

The sky spinning above him

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

Frothy, sweet, well-grounded and hot. Also hilarious (check the end note!)

truth in fiction

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou’s house.

Sui Zhou is really committed to research and accuracy in Tang Fan’s porn. It’s delightful.

Time don’t fool me no more

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl.

Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Past or future, Tang Fan has Priorities. And Sui Zhou is weak.

Meeting at the End

Sui Zhou knew he never should have let Tang Fan go alone. He knew he should have gone with him.

Really, really great and desperate whump. Super satisfying.

clever boy

Tang Fan never spares a smile for any of the girls at Wang Zhi’s establishment, he’s noticed. That’s alright, though. It means Wang Zhi gets his attention for himself.

Wang Zhi falling, falling hard; it’s delightful.

a bold and brilliant sun

“You’re sure you didn’t do something to it? They don’t usually stall out,” Sui Zhou says. He looks away from Tang Fan, out the windshield at the endless rust-red of the planet.

Tang Fan pouts at this, and slumps down on the edge of the console, feet propped up at an absurd angle against the pilot’s seat. “You think I’d fake a mechanical issue just so that they’d send a sexy Fleet crewman out here to rescue me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he giggles. “Okay, I would do that, but I promise that this time the problem is real.”

Space AU! Most excellent space AU condensing all there is to love about the canon in one perfect package.

Blind Taste Test

Wang Zhi invites Tang Fan to evaluate Joyous Brothel’s chefs — but it’s Tang Fan and Sui Zhou who are really being tested.

Wang Zhi, ever helpful :)

Authorial Intent

Sui Zhou and Tang Fan end up in hot water yet again. Kinky sex ensues.

Hilarious, kinky, heartfelt, and in character.

Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner

Chrysopoeia

It struck Alec that this would have been much easier if their positions were reversed. Richard would have known what to do if he’d been dragged back here with a hole in his gut. He was quite simply not supposed to be the one on this end of the equation. In fact, it was possible he had done something very bad to deserve this.

Richard is wounded, and Alex is coping. Excellent h/c and excellent bloodplay and sharp, painful slice of Alex’ POV, excellently rendered.

At first — this was just like him — he thought he was hearing god. But it was only the man in the bed, whose face had turned toward him on the ragged pillow.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

Third’s a Charm

Addam asks a favor of Brand.

Addam asks Brand for help, which ends up being exactly what Brand and Rune need.

Pretty good

Five times Brand crawls into Rune’s bed and one time Rune crawls into Brand’s.

Brand and Rune, through the years.

Teixcalaan Series - Arkady Martine

Also in the Act of Reaching

When Three Seagrass arrived at Lsel Station, she was, officially at least, traveling as a private personage. She had missed Mahit and the possibilities they’d both chosen to turn away from. She also had– would always have– a gaping hole in her life where Petal had once stood.

It was simply that, left on her own, Three Seagrass wouldn’t have let either absence drag her to the ass-end of beyond.

Reunion, metaphors and realigment. Subtle and clever and just right.

The (concept of the) World Was Wide Enough

Yskandr Aghavn comes to the world like a drowning man comes to shore, but he is living on borrowed time. Teixcalaan has so many wonderful things to choke on.

Teixcalaan has had his heart for all of his life, has elevated him, corrupted him, and discarded him.

It is Lsel that he thinks of as he dies.

Temple of the White Rat Universe - T. Kingfisher

If Grace Is Too Much

Zale is given a case by Bishop Beartongue which turns out to be more complicated and personal than a holy advocate-priest would prefer.

Clever and sweet and carefully shocking, but in a very right way.

Outreach

“We don’t generally assess the… cursédness… of objects, trees or otherwise,” Beartongue said.

Utterly delightful.

[inadeeptrance]

My Hero

Laidback folks are the most misunderstood of the lot. Add a competitive field like youth cricket and you become a case for constant confirmation. I wasn't there but I heard an account of how you were limping in the field during the game against Seattle. I remember that you were getting more opportunities to bat and you also found your voice as a leader in the field. It was surprising to see that you asked others to go ahead of you in the batting lineup. There was no visible injury and you were vague about the pain. After the Seattle tournament, you were reluctant to go for training. You would complain that your knee ‘might’ hurt. This was March 2021.

We couldn't quite understand what the issue was. You too we're getting frustrated in trying to explain the mystery pain that shot up only when playing cricket. You refused to check with a doctor as you repeatedly said you couldn't explain the sporadic pain. There was no swelling or any other telltale signs We were getting convinced that you were making it up and I remember the long talk we had about first, showing up for training and pulling out if your knee hurt, and second, to work with your coaches if you had any issues. You reluctantly agreed. We were worried that there was a confidence issue.

We did not sign you up for the Atlanta tournament in May as you were short on practice. I was saddened by that. It didn't look like you were concerned about missing the tournament. How wrong was I? With the team away, you had some personal time with your coaches and you also finally agreed to a doctor consult. Within a few minutes into the session, the physician diagnosed that you had ‘Osgood Schlatter Disease’ or OSD - a fairly common problem for athletes who were in the middle of a growth spurt. While relieved that we now knew what the problem was, your mom and I were worried when we heard that the potential layoff from sports activities could be anywhere from six months to a year.

You gave us the solution. I think once you realized that we were on your side, you decided to put your quiet strength to use. First with Coach Mario and then with Coach Narsingh, you switched to bowling spin at the nets. They realized that you were not able to put weight on your foot and helped change your run-up. Suresh uncle and others pitched in with useful tips to manage the pain. You were on the way back.

I saw your pain as you waited for your teammates to finish their running drills - a part of training where you used to have the most fun. I felt your pain as you continued to miss your games but accompanied me and your sister to her games - offering to umpire and manage the U11 games. I realized the mental pain you felt - when we weren't ready to believe that the pain, the sporadic but intense pain that you felt was real - you must have felt alone at times. That is a pain I will always carry - for not trusting you unconditionally when you needed it the most.

I was proud when you wanted to sign up for the July Bay Area nationals even when you had just started to train again. You went against character and took efforts to manage your pain with ice packs and stretches. You jumped three shoe sizes this year. The growth spurt finally spread evenly across your legs. You stood tall in more ways than one.

It is but a footnote (pun unintended) that you joined the spring league halfway through but you finished it as the highest wicket-taker. I fed off your success and you are my hero. Your mom pointed out your high threshold for pain. She still rates the four-year-old you higher, the one that didn't cry even a wee bit as he received stitches for a gash on the head. Indeed, there was no physical demonstration or tears from you through the pain and the frustration. If people call this being laidback, so be it. Yours is a quiet strength and is a rarity. If at any point of time in your life you need inspiration, recall the spring of 2021 - you will get all the motivation you need from within.

No new pictures by our agreement but there will be no shortage of cutesy name-calling from your sister or sloppy kisses from your mother or excellent dad jokes from me. Besides that, happy national sons day.