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mywitchyblog · 18 days ago

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Trauma and Reality Shifting: Neurobiological Boundaries and the Prevention of Cross-Reality Psychological Impact

Imagine having the ability to consciously shift your existence from your everyday life to an alternate reality, experiencing different scenarios and outcomes. This phenomenon, known as reality shifting, has garnered significant attention, particularly within online communities. As individuals explore the depths of shifting, a compelling question arises: Can trauma experienced in a Desired Reality (DR) follow you back to your Current Reality (CR)? Understanding the interplay between trauma and reality shifting is crucial for both mental health and the integrity of shifting practices.

Reality shifting refers to the deliberate transition of one's consciousness from their Current Reality (CR) to a Desired Reality (DR), where different experiences and circumstances unfold. Trauma, in this context, is defined as a profound neurobiological response to distressing or life-altering events, such as abuse, accidents, or natural disasters. Trauma induces significant changes in the brain and body, affecting neural circuits, hormonal balances, and overall physiological functioning. The convergence of these two concepts—reality shifting and trauma—raises important questions about the nature of psychological resilience and the boundaries between different states of existence.

The significance of exploring whether trauma can traverse realities lies in its implications for personal well-being and the ethical considerations of shifting practices. As reality shifting becomes more popular, particularly among young individuals seeking escape or personal growth, understanding the potential psychological impacts is essential. This inquiry not only addresses fears and misconceptions surrounding shifting but also empowers individuals to engage in these practices safely, ensuring that their mental health remains uncompromised across different dimensions.

This essay is structured into two main parts. Part I: "Trauma Explained – What It Is and How It Affects the Brain," which includes two subparts: "Defining Trauma" and "The Physical Impact of Trauma on the Brain." These sections lay the groundwork for understanding trauma as a tangible, physical process. Part II: "Trauma and Reality Shifting – Exploring the Boundaries," comprises two subparts: "Why DR Trauma Doesn’t Cross the 'Reality Boundary'" and "DR Memories as Context-Specific and Emotionally Detached." This section examines the relationship between trauma and reality shifting, addressing whether trauma can transcend different realities.

By dissecting the relationship between trauma and reality shifting, this essay aims to provide a comprehensive understanding of how individuals can navigate multiple realities without compromising their mental health, ultimately affirming that trauma remains tethered to its original reality.

Disclaimers (Please Read):

This essay comprises approximately 7,000 words and is likely the most extensive paper I have written on the subject of reality shifting. If you identify any information that is incorrect or outdated, please inform me so I can make the necessary revisions.

I encourage thoughtful debates and discussions. If you disagree with any points, kindly explain why, as I am eager to engage in further dialogue. However, please be aware of my boundaries: disrespectful insults and logical fallacies such as ad hominem attacks, straw man arguments, and hasty generalizations will not be tolerated. Such behavior will result in immediate removal from the discussion. As in imma block your ass.

As i know my word and opinion is in no way shape or form law or absolute truth. This is simply my perspective on the matter based on research, logical observations and personal experiences.

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.

P.S : This shit took me weeks to write i hope the message came across well if not do not hesitate to ask me questions i shall answer them asap

Taglist of the people i think would be interested by the essay or that i want their opinion/commentary/feedback on it :

@sunnirayss Because i really appreciate your content and your knowledge and i saw we were mutuals and as you have said in your boundaries : "Feel free to ask me for advice or my perspectives on things. As long as you're respectful and clear with your question, I'll probably answer it."

@carlyshifts111 Because i saw your video where you if i am not mistaken (please confirm it to me thank you) you see to disgaree with the statement "i scripted that i cant bring back trauma". A statement in which through the essay i respecfully disagree.

@shiftinghoesblog Bestie your are like my shifting sis so def tagging u in everything lol.

@lizzy4president We seem to get along quite well in the sense that we share the same takes/opinions about shifting.

Part I: Trauma Explained – What It Is and How It Affects the Brain

Subpart 1: Defining Trauma

1.1 : What is trauma?

Trauma transcends the simplistic notion of personal weakness or mere inability to manage stress. It represents a deeply ingrained neurobiological and psychological response to events that fundamentally destabilize an individual's sense of safety, agency, or normalcy. These responses are not voluntary but arise from external circumstances, such as interpersonal violence, life-threatening accidents, or large-scale disasters. Far from being confined to subjective emotional disturbances, trauma triggers quantifiable changes within neural circuits, hormonal systems, and the broader autonomic nervous system. These alterations propel the body into a sustained state of hypervigilance and defensive readiness, often with lasting repercussions.

Trauma is not monolithic; its manifestations vary widely depending on context and exposure.

Acute trauma typically results from a single, overwhelming incident, such as a violent assault or a natural catastrophe.

Chronic trauma, on the other hand, emerges from enduring exposure to harmful or abusive conditions over time, such as repeated domestic violence or systemic oppression.

Complex trauma constitutes an intricate constellation of psychological wounds arising from prolonged and compounded exposure to severe adversity, often rooted in early developmental periods. Such trauma intertwines with personal history and environmental factors, creating unique and often profound impacts on individuals.

Critically, these forms of trauma are not reflections of personal fragility but are biologically embedded responses to extreme stressors that overwhelm existing coping mechanisms.

The physiological adaptations initiated by trauma include a spectrum of survival-oriented behaviors and states. These are often categorized under the "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" responses. Each of these reflects a distinct strategy for managing perceived threats. For example:

the fight response manifests as aggression or confrontational behavior.

the flight response entails avoidance or physical withdrawal from danger.

The freeze response is characterized by immobilization and dissociation, a state in which individuals may feel emotionally numb or disconnected from their environment.

The fawn response, though less commonly discussed, involves appeasement and compliance as strategies to defuse perceived threats.

While these responses serve adaptive purposes during traumatic events, their persistence in the absence of actual danger often leads to maladaptive patterns, such as hypervigilance, intrusive memories, and disrupted emotional regulation.

The biological underpinnings of trauma are well-documented and highlight its tangible effects on brain architecture. :

The amygdala, a critical node in the brain’s fear-processing network, becomes hyperactive following trauma, resulting in heightened threat detection and exaggerated emotional responses.

Simultaneously, the hippocampus, responsible for contextualizing and integrating memories, often exhibits volume reduction, impairing the individual’s ability to distinguish between past traumatic events and present safety.

The prefrontal cortex—central to executive functions such as decision-making and emotion regulation—experiences functional suppression, further compounding difficulties in managing stress and regulating behavior.

These interconnected neural disruptions illustrate the profound ways in which trauma is encoded within the brain, far beyond the realm of conscious awareness.

Recognizing trauma as a biologically driven process demands a shift from stigmatized interpretations to a nuanced understanding of its pervasive impacts. Trauma reshapes an individual’s cognitive, emotional, and relational frameworks, influencing their interactions with the world and their perception of safety. By addressing the physical and psychological realities of trauma, scholars and practitioners can develop more precise and effective interventions, facilitating recovery and resilience.

Trauma, therefore, is not an ephemeral or subjective condition but a profound reconfiguration of the body’s and brain’s adaptive systems in response to extraordinary stress.

1.2 : Types of trauma responses

Trauma engages the body’s most primal survival mechanisms, activating automatic responses that bypass conscious thought. These responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—arise from the nervous system’s attempts to protect the individual in the face of perceived danger. Understanding these patterns highlights the physiological and behavioral imprint trauma leaves long after the initiating event has ended.

The fight response manifests as heightened aggression and a readiness to confront the threat directly. Individuals may respond with anger, physical outbursts, or confrontational behavior, reflecting the body’s preparation to eliminate the perceived danger. This reaction, while adaptive in threatening situations, often persists as disproportionate irritability or hostility in non-threatening environments.

The flight response propels the individual to escape perceived danger. This can take the form of physical avoidance—such as steering clear of certain locations or social settings—or adopting behaviors that provide a sense of safety, like constant vigilance or seeking isolation. While the instinct to flee ensures survival in acute situations, its chronic activation can lead to avoidance behaviors that disrupt daily functioning.

The freeze response immobilizes the individual, akin to the well-known "deer in headlights" phenomenon. This reaction stems from the body’s attempt to evade detection by remaining still, often accompanied by feelings of numbness or dissociation. Those experiencing the freeze response may struggle to react to their surroundings or articulate their needs, creating barriers to effective communication and problem-solving.

The fawn response involves prioritizing the needs of others to de-escalate perceived threats. Individuals may engage in appeasing behaviors, suppressing their own desires or boundaries to maintain a sense of safety. While adaptive in abusive or manipulative environments, the fawn response can lead to an erosion of self-identity and a pattern of unhealthy relationships.

These survival responses, while beneficial in the context of immediate danger, frequently extend their influence into daily life, resulting in a range of secondary effects.

For instance, hypervigilance—a hallmark of trauma—leaves individuals perpetually on edge, misinterpreting benign stimuli as potential threats. This heightened state of awareness often triggers flashbacks, wherein sensory fragments of traumatic memories intrude upon the present.

Flashbacks are vivid and fragmented, involving intense visual, auditory, or emotional recollections that bypass conscious control. Similarly, dissociation—a state of detachment from one’s surroundings or self—serves as a psychological escape, yet may disrupt the individual’s ability to engage meaningfully with reality.

These trauma responses, deeply rooted in neurobiology, underscore the enduring impact of trauma on both behavior and cognition. Recognizing them as automatic, physiological processes rather than conscious choices provides a framework for addressing their effects in therapeutic contexts. By situating these responses within the context of survival, it becomes possible to approach trauma recovery with greater empathy and scientific understanding.

1.3 : Why Trauma is Often Misunderstood

Trauma remains one of the most misunderstood phenomena in mental health, primarily due to pervasive societal stigma and the oversimplification of its nature. A significant portion of the public reduces trauma to an emotional weakness or an exaggerated reaction, perpetuating harmful stereotypes. This oversimplification not only undermines the legitimacy of trauma but also marginalizes those who experience it, leaving them to contend with the dual burden of their condition and societal judgment.

The societal stigma surrounding mental health often equates trauma with personal failure or fragility, fostering an environment where individuals feel compelled to suppress their experiences. Trauma is frequently perceived as a purely emotional reaction—an individual failing rather than a neurobiological condition. This perspective ignores the tangible physiological effects of trauma, such as structural brain changes and hormonal dysregulation. Consequently, trauma survivors are often dismissed as overreacting or dramatizing their symptoms, a misconception that overlooks the profound and measurable impact trauma has on neural pathways, stress response systems, and overall functioning.

Another critical misunderstanding stems from the tendency to view trauma as an exclusively mental or psychological phenomenon. While trauma indeed affects emotional regulation and cognition, its origins are deeply rooted in the physical processes of the brain and body.

Neuroimaging studies have consistently shown that trauma induces heightened activity in the amygdala, impairs the hippocampus’s ability to process and store memories, and suppresses the prefrontal cortex’s capacity for rational thought and emotional regulation.

These biological disruptions challenge the oversimplified notion that trauma survivors can merely "move on" through willpower or emotional resilience alone.

Furthermore, the limited public discourse on trauma has reinforced reductive stereotypes. Media portrayals often depict trauma survivors as permanently damaged or excessively fragile, feeding into a culture that glorifies stoicism while pathologizing vulnerability. Educational systems and workplaces rarely prioritize comprehensive mental health literacy, allowing misconceptions about trauma to persist unchallenged. This lack of understanding perpetuates the stigmatization of trauma survivors and deters meaningful conversations about its complex nature.

Compounding this issue is the narrow definition of trauma that many hold. The general population often associates trauma exclusively with catastrophic events, such as war, natural disasters, or severe accidents. While such events can indeed cause trauma, this perspective ignores the equally profound impact of chronic stressors like emotional neglect, prolonged abuse, or systemic discrimination.

Research shows that these subtler forms of trauma can result in neurobiological changes indistinguishable from those caused by acute trauma. However, survivors of these experiences often face invalidation due to the societal expectation that trauma must be linked to a dramatic, singular event.

In conclusion, trauma is frequently misunderstood because it is perceived as an emotional failing rather than a physical condition rooted in neurobiology.

This misunderstanding is perpetuated by stigma, lack of education, and a narrow, event-centric view of trauma. Recognizing trauma as a biological response to stress, rather than a character defect, is essential for dismantling harmful stereotypes and fostering a more informed and empathetic approach to mental health.

Subpart 2: The Physical Impact of Trauma on the Brain

2.1 : Neurobiological Changes Caused by Trauma

Trauma doesn’t linger in an abstract psychological space; it rewires the brain at a structural and functional level. Among the most notable changes, trauma disrupts the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex, creating a cascade of dysfunctions that alter perception, memory, and behavior.

The amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, becomes hyperactive in response to trauma. This small, almond-shaped cluster of neurons flags threats—real or perceived—at hyperspeed. Under normal conditions, the amygdala activates appropriately to warn of danger. Post-trauma, however, it’s perpetually on high alert, interpreting harmless stimuli as potential threats. This hypervigilance results in exaggerated fear responses, persistent anxiety, and difficulty distinguishing between safe and unsafe situations. Such overactivation not only exhausts mental and emotional resources but also intensifies the stress cycle, trapping individuals in a state of relentless fight-or-flight reactivity.

The hippocampus, essential for memory formation and contextual processing, also bears the brunt of trauma. Research shows that trauma reduces the hippocampus’s volume, impairing its ability to differentiate past events from present experiences. Memories associated with trauma often resurface as fragmented, sensory-laden flashbacks devoid of temporal context. These fragments, unanchored to a timeline, can feel as immediate as the original event. This dysfunction contributes to a loop where individuals relive their trauma without the cognitive tools to process or resolve it.

Simultaneously, the prefrontal cortex—responsible for executive functions such as rational decision-making, emotional regulation, and impulse control—experiences diminished activity. Trauma suppresses this region, undermining its ability to override emotional reactions triggered by the amygdala. As a result, individuals may struggle with planning, managing stress, and interpreting events with clarity. The prefrontal cortex’s reduced functionality leaves emotional responses unchecked, leading to impulsivity, difficulty concentrating, and heightened vulnerability to stressors.

These neural disruptions do not operate in isolation; they occur within a dysregulated stress-response system. Trauma triggers chronic overproduction of cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. This hormonal imbalance exacerbates the neural damage, contributing to systemic issues such as poor sleep, mood instability, and weakened immune function. Over time, the cumulative effects of heightened cortisol levels and neural restructuring manifest in both mental health disorders, such as PTSD, and physical ailments, including cardiovascular disease.

Brain imaging studies corroborate these findings, providing visual evidence of trauma-induced changes. Functional MRI (fMRI) and PET scans consistently reveal heightened amygdala activity, reduced hippocampal volume, and diminished prefrontal cortex engagement in individuals with trauma histories. These alterations underscore the tangible, physical nature of trauma, dismantling misconceptions that trauma is “just emotional” or a matter of willpower.

In essence, trauma is a physiological phenomenon. Its effects penetrate the brain’s core systems, warping its architecture and leaving long-lasting marks on cognition, emotion, and behavior. Trauma is not an abstract adversary; it is a biological force that demands recognition and intervention.

2.2 : The Physical Impact of Trauma on the Brain

Trauma fundamentally alters the brain’s architecture, creating maladaptive neural pathways that prioritize fear and hypervigilance. This process reconfigures the brain's responses to prioritize survival, often at the expense of flexibility and emotional regulation. Neural circuits become wired to perceive everyday stimuli as potential threats, leading to persistent states of anxiety and avoidance.

Trauma memories are typically stored as fragmented sensory imprints—disconnected sights, sounds, or physical sensations—rather than coherent narratives. These fragmented memories are easily triggered, leading to flashbacks or distressing physiological reactions that are difficult to contextualize. This disorganization results from trauma’s disruption of the hippocampus, the brain region responsible for integrating sensory information into structured memories. Consequently, trauma survivors often struggle to differentiate past experiences from present reality, perpetuating cycles of fear and distress.

Maladaptive neural pathways formed during traumatic experiences reinforce survival-oriented behaviors, such as avoidance. Avoidance becomes a coping mechanism, convincing the individual that evasion equates to safety. Over time, this pattern solidifies, limiting behavioral responses and emotional resilience. The brain defaults to fear-based reactions, reducing the capacity to engage with new challenges or relationships meaningfully.

Trauma also impacts the brain’s reward systems, diminishing the capacity for pleasure or relaxation. Hyperactivation of the amygdala the brain's fear center keeps the individual in a constant state of alertness, while reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex impairs rational decision-making and emotional regulation. Chronic stress leads to an overproduction of cortisol, the primary stress hormone, further entrenching trauma-induced neural patterns. This biochemical cascade perpetuates hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion, leaving the individual trapped in a survival state.

Social functioning is similarly affected by trauma-induced changes in neural wiring. Trust and emotional connection often become compromised as the brain perceives interpersonal closeness as a risk. Survivors may experience emotional numbness, detachment, or difficulty interpreting social cues, which can lead to isolation and strained relationships. This relational disconnect exacerbates the individual’s sense of vulnerability and reinforces the trauma-driven neural patterns.

The cumulative effect of these changes underscores the enduring nature of trauma's impact on the brain. Without targeted intervention, the maladaptive wiring established during trauma persists, dictating future responses and limiting psychological growth. The brain becomes trapped in outdated survival scripts, unable to fully engage with the present or adapt to new circumstances. This reprogramming reflects not a failure of character but the brain’s natural biological response to extraordinary stress.

Trauma’s reprogramming reshapes the individual’s mental and emotional landscape, narrowing their perspective and constraining their ability to navigate life effectively. Understanding this process highlights the importance of addressing trauma at the neurological level to restore balance and adaptability in the brain’s functioning.

2.3 : The Physical Impact of Trauma on the Brain

Empirical evidence strongly supports the argument that trauma induces measurable physiological changes within the brain and body. Advances in neuroimaging technologies, hormonal studies, and biochemical analyses illustrate that trauma is not merely an emotional or psychological phenomenon—it is a tangible alteration of biological systems.

Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) and Positron Emission Tomography (PET) scans consistently reveal structural and functional changes in the brains of individuals exposed to trauma. For instance, the amygdala, the brain's primary center for fear and threat detection, shows heightened activity in trauma survivors, reflecting a state of persistent hypervigilance.

Simultaneously, the hippocampus, responsible for memory processing and contextualizing experiences, often exhibits significant shrinkage in volume. Studies suggest this reduction compromises the ability to regulate emotional responses and distinguish between past and present threats.

Furthermore, the prefrontal cortex—the region critical for executive function and emotion regulation—shows diminished activity, impairing the brain’s capacity to modulate fear responses. These observable changes underscore the biological footprint trauma leaves on neural architecture.

Trauma also disrupts endocrine function, particularly involving cortisol, a stress hormone central to the body’s fight-or-flight response. In trauma survivors, cortisol levels frequently deviate from normal patterns, manifesting as chronic hypersecretion or suppression. Elevated cortisol levels contribute to disrupted circadian rhythms, mood instability, and heightened anxiety. Prolonged exposure to abnormal cortisol levels exacerbates the brain’s structural vulnerabilities, particularly in the hippocampus, further embedding trauma’s physiological impact. This dysregulation extends beyond the brain, affecting metabolic and immune systems, illustrating the systemic nature of trauma’s influence.

Trauma’s effects extend into cellular and molecular domains, where chronic stress triggers an inflammatory cascade. Inflammation disrupts neural connectivity, impairing cognitive function and emotional regulation. At the cellular level, oxidative stress emerges as a response to trauma-induced biochemical imbalance. This process involves the accumulation of reactive oxygen species (ROS), which damage cells and tissues, including neurons. These disruptions highlight trauma’s ability to undermine homeostatic mechanisms, perpetuating long-term physiological dysfunction.

Decades of research corroborate trauma’s biological reality. Neuroimaging studies confirm trauma-related structural changes, while hormonal assays and biochemical analyses provide additional layers of evidence. These findings dismantle misconceptions that trauma is solely a psychological phenomenon or a subjective exaggeration. Instead, they reinforce the understanding that trauma imprints itself onto the body and brain in ways that are both observable and quantifiable.

Trauma’s effects do not dissipate when the distressing event ends. Neural pathways shaped by trauma continue to trigger maladaptive responses long after immediate threats subside. Hormonal imbalances persist, maintaining a state of heightened alertness that no longer aligns with current circumstances. The inflammatory processes and oxidative damage initiated by trauma further entrench these physiological patterns, creating a lasting legacy of altered functioning.

In conclusion, trauma manifests as a multifaceted physiological event, supported by robust scientific evidence. Imaging technologies, hormonal data, and biochemical markers provide incontrovertible proof of trauma’s biological foundation. These findings affirm that trauma is not an abstract emotional state but a profound disruption of the brain and body’s structure and function. Trauma, therefore, must be understood as a condition that bridges psychological and physiological domains, demanding acknowledgment of its tangible reality.

Part II: Trauma Stays Where It Belongs – Why DR Trauma Doesn’t Follow You to the CR

Subpart 1: Shifting Creates a Clean Slate Between Realities

1.1 : The separation of DR and CR experiences

The delineation between Desired Reality (DR) and Current Reality (CR) serves as a foundational concept in understanding the dynamics of reality shifting, particularly concerning the transference of trauma. Contrary to popular misconceptions, trauma experienced within a DR does not permeate into the CR. This separation is rooted in the fundamental differences in neural engagement and physiological responses between the two states of existence.

Primarily, trauma remains confined to the DR because the individual's Ordinary Reality (OR) brain does not physically experience the traumatic events occurring within the DR. During the process of shifting, the consciousness transitions, but the OR brain remains inactive and unexposed to the distressing stimuli present in the DR. As a result, the neurobiological impact of trauma—such as neural rewiring or hormonal imbalances—is localized exclusively within the DR. Upon returning to the CR, the OR brain has not undergone any alterations; it retains its pre-shifted state, free from the stress-induced changes that characterize trauma.

The notion that trauma could transcend the boundaries between realities misconstrues the biological underpinnings of traumatic experiences. Trauma is intrinsically linked to the physical state of the brain and body that directly experiences the distressing event. In the context of reality shifting, since the DR persona endures the trauma, the OR self remains unaffected. The lack of neural activation and hormonal response in the CR brain ensures that traumatic experiences do not carry over. Consequently, the OR neurons do not develop new fear-based circuits, and there is no elevation in cortisol levels, which are typically associated with stress responses.

Moreover, the concept of a "reality boundary" further solidifies the separation between DR and CR experiences. This boundary acts as a psychological and physiological barrier that prevents the transfer of trauma. When an individual shifts back to the CR, their emotional and physical baselines are automatically reset. This reset mechanism ensures that any emotional disturbances or physiological stress responses encountered in the DR do not persist in the CR. Essentially, the CR functions under its own biological rules, independent of the experiences that transpired in the DR.

Additionally, memories of events in the DR may persist; however, these recollections are context-specific and emotionally detached from the traumatic experiences. Similar to how one might remember a vivid dream without experiencing lingering emotional distress, DR memories do not evoke the same biochemical responses in the CR. The OR nervous system does not encode DR events as real threats, thus preventing the manifestation of trauma symptoms such as anxiety or hypervigilance in the CR. This detachment underscores the resilience of the CR self, which remains insulated from the psychological ramifications of DR experiences.

The separation is further emphasized by the absence of biochemical signatures that typically accompany trauma. In the CR, the heart rate remains stable, and the nervous system does not register DR experiences as immediate threats. The hippocampus, responsible for memory formation and stress regulation, remains unaffected by DR-induced stressors. Consequently, the CR self continues its existence without the burden of trauma that is confined to the DR.

In summary, the separation of DR and CR experiences is maintained through distinct neural and physiological processes that prevent the transference of trauma. The OR brain's inactivity during DR experiences ensures that trauma does not impact the CR, preserving the individual's mental and physical well-being upon their return. This clear boundary affirms that trauma remains tethered to its original reality, allowing individuals to navigate multiple realities without compromising their mental health.

1.2 : Why DR Trauma Doesn’t Cross the “Reality Boundary”

Trauma, as a profound neurobiological response to distressing or life-altering events, is inherently tied to the physical brain that experiences it. Within the framework of reality shifting, where an individual transitions from their Current Reality (CR) to a Desired Reality (DR), the concept of trauma traversing the “reality boundary” warrants rigorous examination. The premise that trauma from a DR could impact the CR is fundamentally flawed due to the distinct physiological and neurological separations between these realities.

Firstly, trauma is a condition that necessitates the direct involvement of the brain’s physical structures. When an individual experiences trauma in a DR, the neurobiological alterations—such as changes in neural circuits, hormonal imbalances, and activation of the amygdala and hippocampus—are confined to the DR’s physiological substrate. The CR brain, which remains uninvolved during the shifting process, does not undergo these changes. For instance, if an individual encounters severe stressors like torture or betrayal in a DR, the CR brain does not process these events, resulting in no corresponding activation of stress-related neural pathways or hormonal responses in the CR.

The “reality boundary” operates as an impermeable firewall that prevents the transfer of trauma from the DR to the CR. This boundary ensures that the emotional and physical baselines of the CR are maintained independently of experiences in the DR. Upon returning to the CR, the individual’s emotional and physiological states revert to their pre-shift conditions. This automatic reset is possible because the CR brain and body were never subjected to the traumatic events occurring in the DR. Consequently, the neurobiological foundations required for trauma—such as altered dopamine receptors or disrupted cortisol systems—remain unaltered in the CR.

Moreover, memories of traumatic events in the DR do not carry the same emotional or physiological weight in the CR. These memories are context-specific and lack the neurobiological engagement that is essential for trauma formation. Drawing a parallel, recalling a vivid dream does not induce the same emotional or physical reactions as experiencing the events in reality. Similarly, DR memories exist as mere recollections without the accompanying biochemical changes that underpin traumatic responses. This detachment further reinforces the impermeability of the reality boundary, as the CR brain does not associate these memories with actual neurobiological stressors.

The separation between DR and CR is also maintained through the concept of homeostasis in the CR body. Homeostasis refers to the body’s ability to maintain stable internal conditions despite external changes. When an individual shifts back to the CR, their body’s homeostatic mechanisms ensure that any temporary emotional fluctuations experienced in the DR do not disrupt their overall physiological equilibrium. This reset mechanism is crucial in preventing any lasting impact of DR experiences on the CR’s mental and physical health.

Furthermore, the absence of physical signs of trauma upon returning to the CR underscores the non-transferability of DR-induced trauma. Physical manifestations of trauma, such as changes in heart rate, cortisol levels, and neural activity, are absent in the CR because these physiological responses were never triggered in the first place. The CR body remains unaffected by the DR’s traumatic events, maintaining its original state of equilibrium.

In conclusion, the delineation between DR and CR ensures that trauma remains confined within its originating reality. The neurobiological prerequisites for trauma—direct brain involvement and physiological changes—are not met in the CR during shifts to the DR. The reality boundary effectively isolates traumatic experiences, preserving the mental and physical integrity of the CR. This separation is essential for maintaining psychological resilience and safeguarding the individual’s well-being across different states of existence. As such, trauma experienced in a DR does not traverse the reality boundary to impact the CR, affirming the distinct and independent nature of each reality within the context of reality shifting.

1.3 : DR Memories as Context-Specific and Emotionally Detached

Memories originating from a Desired Reality (DR) may persist within an individual’s consciousness; however, they inherently lack the emotional and physical weight that accompanies such recollections in the Current Reality (CR). This phenomenon can be analogized to the experience of recalling a dream—vivid in detail yet detached from the sensory and emotional intensity of the original event. Trauma, by its very nature, necessitates a comprehensive context that includes biochemical processes and physical states, elements that DR memories do not possess when recalled within the CR framework.

In the CR, individuals may vividly remember events from the DR, such as traumatic experiences, yet these memories do not engender the same profound emotional responses. This dissociation occurs because the DR’s neurobiological context, which facilitates the emotional depth of trauma, remains confined to the DR itself. Consequently, when these memories are accessed in the CR, they are experienced without the accompanying neurobiological changes that are essential for trauma to take root. The absence of factors such as altered neural circuits, hormonal imbalances, and physiological responses renders these memories inert in terms of their potential to induce trauma.

Trauma in the CR results in tangible and lasting effects that permeate an individual’s entire being, influencing neural pathways, hormonal balances, and overall physiological functioning. In contrast, DR memories function as mental snapshots devoid of the original biological context. The assumption that recollection equates to the retention of trauma fails to account for the necessity of an active neurobiological framework. Trauma requires the engagement of the nervous system, including the release of stress hormones and the activation of fear circuits, processes that are not triggered when DR memories are recalled in the CR. Without these biological responses, the memories remain harmless and do not contribute to lasting psychological distress.

The processing of dreams provides a pertinent parallel. Individuals often recall intense dream scenarios, such as falling or experiencing loss, yet these do not result in enduring trauma upon waking. Similarly, DR memories emerge in the CR as vivid yet emotionally detached recollections. Statements reflecting on DR experiences, such as “That was intense,” indicate a superficial engagement devoid of the physiological reactions necessary for trauma. The CR maintains physiological stability—heart rate remains steady, motor functions are controlled, and cortisol levels do not spike—thereby preventing the establishment of trauma.

Misconceptions frequently arise regarding the impact of intense DR events, with some individuals erroneously believing that such experiences can inflict lasting trauma in the CR. However, genuine trauma requires the persistent activation of altered neural circuits, a process absent in the CR brain when recalling DR events. DR memories resemble narratives one might encounter in literature or interactive media; they are engaging and contextually significant within the DR but do not alter the individual’s psychological state in the CR. Without the requisite biological involvement, these memories lack the capacity to trigger authentic trauma responses, functioning instead as mere informational data.

Furthermore, DR memories retain context-specific details, including sequences of events, sensory information, and narrative structures, yet they do not carry the biochemical signatures essential for trauma. Significant events within the DR, such as the death of a friend or a natural disaster, are remembered without evoking the same emotional and physiological responses as real-life traumatic experiences. The CR nervous system interprets these memories as informational rather than as sources of trauma, allowing individuals to retain memories without enduring the associated psychological scars.

In conclusion, DR memories are intrinsically context-specific and emotionally detached, encompassing detailed narratives devoid of the underlying neurobiological mechanisms required for trauma. Individuals can engage with and reflect upon their DR experiences without the risk of enduring trauma, as these memories do not activate the necessary physiological responses. This distinction underscores the importance of understanding the boundaries between different states of existence, ensuring that the exploration of alternate realities does not compromise mental health in the CR.

Subpart 2: Scripting and Personal Control Over Trauma

2.1 : Shifting Grants Individuals Control Over Transference of Experiences

The practice of reality shifting empowers individuals to regulate the nature of experiences they retain upon returning to their Current Reality (CR). Central to this control is the technique of explicit scripting, which ensures that only desired outcomes and positive insights are carried back from the Desired Reality (DR), thereby preventing any adverse emotional or physical effects from influencing the CR. For instance, an individual may affirm, “I will return with only positive lessons, leaving all emotional and physical effects behind,” thereby establishing a clear boundary between the two realities.

Traumatic experiences within the CR typically arise from uncontrollable external events, leading to involuntary neurobiological responses. In contrast, reality shifting offers a mechanism for individuals to define the parameters of their DR experiences proactively. By scripting the conditions of their shifts, individuals can ensure that negative experiences remain confined to the DR, thereby safeguarding their mental and emotional well-being in the CR. This deliberate structuring of experiences allows for the exclusion of traumatic elements, as the individual asserts control over what is permitted to affect their CR consciousness.

Scripting serves as a practical tool for maintaining the integrity of the CR by delineating the scope of what is transferred from the DR. For example, an individual might declare, “I return to the CR calm, stable, and free from emotional harm,” thereby reinforcing the separation between realities. This assertion is effective because the cognitive frameworks established during shifting operations under the individual's predefined rules.

Consequently, the DR functions as a self-contained environment (as in they exitst separatly from this reality) where experiences, including those that might be distressing, do not impose lasting effects on the CR. This approach mirrors the psychological detachment one experiences when recalling dreams—memories remain, but the emotional intensity dissipates upon awakening.

Moreover, scripting enables individuals to curate their personal narratives across realities. In the DR, one might encounter chaotic or high-stakes scenarios, such as battling adversaries or facing personal loss. However, upon returning to the CR, the individual consciously chooses to discard the emotional weight associated with these events. This selective retention of experiences ensures that only beneficial insights and strengths are integrated into the CR consciousness. For instance, an affirmation such as, “After returning, I feel only a sense of accomplishment and gain confidence, not trauma,” establishes a definitive psychological boundary that prevents traumatic residues from permeating the CR.

The efficacy of scripting lies in its ability to function as a mental filter, permitting the transfer of only those experiences that align with the individual's desired outcomes. Unlike trauma in the CR, which necessitates an involuntary engagement of the nervous system, trauma within the DR remains isolated due to the absence of direct neurobiological impact on the CR brain. By reinforcing the separation through explicit scripting, individuals ensure that their CR remains unaffected by the potentially destabilizing experiences encountered in the DR. This methodical approach to reality shifting underscores the importance of personal agency in maintaining mental health across different states of existence.

In summary, the practice of scripting within reality shifting provides individuals with a structured means to control the transference of experiences between realities. By establishing clear boundaries and intentional affirmations, individuals can ensure that only positive and empowering insights are carried back to the CR, thereby preventing the encroachment of trauma and maintaining psychological resilience. This deliberate separation not only preserves the integrity of the CR but also enhances the overall safety and efficacy of reality shifting practices.

2.2 : High-stakes DRs as cathartic but non-damaging experiences

Experiencing trauma within a Desired Reality (DR), such as battling zombies or losing allies, can be likened to emotional role-play—intense and immersive in the moment (as you are living through them when in your CR) but ultimately non-permanent. This analogy serves to elucidate the nature of trauma within the context of reality shifting, where the experiences in the DR areauthentically felt by the individual.

The premise of reality shifting posits that process of shifting is mental and not physical therefore you cannot bring physical things across realities. However, upon returning to the Current Reality (CR), the metaphors of role-playing and narrative experiences become pertinent in understanding why trauma does not transfer between realities.

Trauma is fundamentally a biological response to genuine threats that impact the nervous system, resulting in lasting neurobiological changes. In contrast, DR scenarios, despite their apparent intensity—such as engaging in life-threatening missions or enduring emotional losses—are meticulously structured within a controlled environment (as in they are scripted either in our out as per the shifters will). These experiences function similarly to engaging with a high-stakes video game or an emotionally charged narrative, where the shifter undergoes significant emotional engagement without enduring real physiological harm in the CR. The separation between DR and CR ensures that the neurobiological imprints of trauma remain confined to the DR, as the shifter's brain in the CR does not physically experience these events.

The concept of a "reality boundary" further reinforces why trauma does not traverse between realities. Trauma is intrinsically linked to the specific neural and hormonal changes within the brain that experiences the distressing event. Since the shifter's CR brain does not partake in the DR experiences, the trauma-induced alterations remain localized to the DR. Upon returning to the CR, the individual's emotional and physiological baselines are automatically reset, preventing any residual trauma from affecting their current state. This reset mechanism underscores the impermeability of the reality boundary, ensuring that the CR remains unaffected by the DR's traumatic events.

Moreover, memories of DR events may persist upon returning to the CR, but these memories are context-specific and lack the accompanying emotional or physical weight typically associated with genuine trauma. This detachment can be compared to recalling a vivid dream—while the experiences are remembered, the emotional intensity and sensory details do not impose lasting psychological effects. In the same vein, DR memories are retained as narrative elements without the neurobiological context necessary to sustain trauma. The emotional responses experienced in the DR, such as fear or sadness, are transient and do not result in long-term psychological consequences within the CR.

This delineation between DR and CR experiences provides significant reassurance for individuals engaging in reality shifting. By recognizing DR trauma as temporary and confined within a controlled narrative framework, shifters can partake in intense emotional experiences without the fear of lasting psychological harm. This understanding promotes the safe practice of reality shifting, allowing individuals to explore and engage with challenging scenarios for personal growth and emotional release without compromising their mental health. The analogy to role-playing and immersive storytelling serves to highlight the protective mechanisms inherent in the reality shifting process, ensuring that trauma remains tethered to its original reality and does not permeate the individual's current existence. This does not mean that we invalited the authenticity of the practise or that we proclaim that it is not real .

In summary, the controlled nature of DR experiences and the existence of a reality boundary effectively prevent trauma from crossing into the CR. The metaphor of emotional role-play aptly captures the essence of DR trauma, emphasizing its temporary and non-permanent nature. This framework not only demystifies the process of reality shifting but also affirms that individuals can navigate multiple realities without enduring lasting psychological damage. By maintaining the integrity of the reality boundary and understanding the contextual detachment of DR memories, shifters can engage in high-stakes DRs confidently, knowing that their CR remains unaffected by the emotional and physical challenges encountered in alternate realities.

2.3: Healing and Empowerment Through Desired Reality (DR) Scripting

Trauma inflicts profound and enduring scars when actual events compromise an individual's sense of safety, perpetuating cycles of fear and psychological distress. However, Desired Realities (DRs) present a unique opportunity to reconstruct personal narratives within a controlled environment, thereby mitigating the transference of trauma to the Current Reality (CR). By exercising authority over these experiences, individuals can ensure that trauma remains confined to the DR, facilitating the processing and release of past wounds without their adverse effects persisting in the CR. Through deliberate scripting of scenarios where one overcomes adversity, confronts fears, and emerges resilient, individuals can prevent trauma from impacting their Original Reality (OR) self.

Central to this process is the assertion, “I return better, not broken,” which serves as an affirmation that recalibrates one's approach to shifting. In this framework, the DR functions as a psychological workshop, allowing individuals to symbolically engage with and conquer challenges without sustaining real damage. By orchestrating events that foster resilience, individuals can cultivate growth and empowerment within the DR, ensuring that only positive insights and experiences are carried back to the CR. This method transforms the DR into a space for emotional training, analogous to how athletes train their muscles in a safe environment. In the DR, individuals simulate threats, assert their strength, and demonstrate their capacity to overcome obstacles. Upon returning to the CR, they retain a sense of accomplishment devoid of trauma, as the DR scenarios do not imprint fear into their OR neurons. The deliberate control over these scenarios guarantees that trauma does not biologically affect the individual.

This approach redefines the traditional trauma narrative by distinguishing between involuntary trauma in the OR and consensual, controlled trauma within the DR. In the OR, trauma can occur without an individual's consent, leading to lasting psychological harm. In contrast, the DR allows for the intentional experience of trauma-like events under the individual's terms, preventing such trauma from impacting the OR self. For those seeking to heal from past OR traumas, the DR serves as a stage to symbolically confront and overcome fears, facilitating a return to the CR with enhanced clarity and emotional stability. Affirmations such as, “In my DR, I face my old demons and leave them defeated. I return to the CR with strength and peace,” empower individuals to actively manage their internal narratives.

Moreover, this methodology enables the reshaping of internal experiences, rendering trauma less insurmountable by addressing and overcoming challenges within the DR. Witnessing oneself prevail in the DR not only demonstrates personal strength but also provides emotional tools that enhance well-being in the CR. The OR system recognizes that no actual trauma has occurred, as the engagement within the DR functions as a form of immersive therapy. Consequently, individuals return to the CR uplifted rather than harmed, utilizing the DR as a space for growth and healing.

Critics who fear the transference of trauma from the DR to the CR overlook the empowering potential inherent in DR scripting. They may perceive trauma as an inevitable consequence of intense experiences, failing to recognize that within the DR, individuals retain complete control. Since trauma necessitates a physical substrate—which the DR does not provide to the CR—thoughtful scripting ensures that trauma remains isolated within the DR. Instead of bearing scars, individuals retain only the lessons and strengths derived from overcoming challenges in a safe and controlled environment. This strategic approach to scripting facilitates healing and empowerment, maintaining the integrity of the CR by ensuring that trauma remains firmly anchored within the DR.

In conclusion, DR scripting offers a sophisticated mechanism for individuals to engage with and overcome trauma in a manner that preserves their mental health in the CR. By leveraging the controlled environment of the DR to rewrite traumatic narratives, individuals can achieve personal growth and resilience without the detrimental effects of trauma permeating their everyday reality. This paradigm not only enhances the safety and efficacy of reality shifting practices but also underscores the critical interplay between psychological resilience and the boundaries of alternate states of existence.

Conclusion :

In the discourse surrounding trauma and shifting realities, it's crucial to acknowledge trauma as a profound physical phenomenon that rewires the brain and body under stress. When trauma occurs, it triggers significant changes in neural circuits and hormonal responses, but these alterations remain confined to the specific reality where the trauma happens.

Shifting between the Current Reality (CR) and Desired Reality (DR) is a genuine process that maintains the integrity of each reality by ensuring no physical overlap. Trauma experienced in the DR does not affect the CR, as the nervous system in the CR remains unaffected by events in the DR. This biological separation means that trauma cannot traverse between realities.

Empowerment through control in shifting allows individuals to script their experiences in the DR, confining any negative elements to that reality and preserving the stability of the CR. By managing the narrative within the DR, individuals prevent trauma from impacting their CR, maintaining peace and well-being.

Ultimately, recognizing the distinct and non-overlapping nature of CR and DR ensures that trauma remains confined to its originating reality. Through intentional scripting and clear boundaries, individuals can use shifting as a tool for personal growth and healing while safeguarding their current reality from unintended emotional or physical repercussions.

IF YOU ARE LIKE TL:DR (TOO LONG DIDNT READ) HERE IS A VERY WATERED DOWN VERSION OF EVERYTHING I SAID :

Since it is impossible to bring physical stuff across realties and that trauma is something physical, therefore no, you cannot bring trauma to your CR.

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lila-went-missing · 1 year ago

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Saw you want to write Clarisse x Reader and I NEED more clarisee x reader fics SO!

Can you a Clarisse x reader of when Percy broke her spear and just like readers reaction to the her scream and just very angsty but very fully at the same time! Pls and thank u!

I swear on my life reverse hurt/comfort is one of my favorite things to write on this planet. Also, I feel like it’s worth mentioning that Dior said she literally BLEW OUT HER VOICE when she did that scream?!?! She never fails to amaze me.

This got a bit sadder than intended but it's not too bad. Also, sorry this took so long, I had a math test, two essays, and a debate, on top of personal shit. But I FINALLY got it finished.

My Love is Waiting For You to Come Home

Warnings: Slight violence, mild angst, hurt/comfort, cursing, small amounts of blood, mentions of wounds, lmk if I left anything out.

Pair: Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Apollo!Reader

For the first time in what felt like forever, capture the flag was going great. It had been a long time since the red team had won, but you were actually doing really well. You were up in a tree close to the flag, shooting anyone who got too close with your arrows. They weren't sharp, but they had enough of a point to hurt.

Clarisse was hunting in the woods below you. You'd occasionally catch sight of her from the place you were perched on your branch. She always looked amazing like this. Hair pulled back, armor on, spear in hand. She was in her element, and you'd be lying if you said it wasn't extremely attractive. The way she looked so tough, her lucky red bandanna tied around her bicep.

Anyone else would say she looked terrifying. But to you, she was the most beautiful person you'd ever laid eyes on. You were the only one who got that side of her.

It wasn't long before she disappeared again, hunting down anyone who dared to get close to the flag or your tree. She had mentioned something before the game. Something about revenge on the new kid. She didn't go into detail about said revenge, but you new it wouldn't end well for someone.

You didn't move from your tree, assuming her and her siblings had everything handled. And they did, for a while at least. You had shot down another four people by the time you heard your girlfriend scream in a way that genuinely terrified you.

Jumping down from the tree, you raced to the sound as the conch horn blue. You made it in time to see her storm off as the blue team carried the flag over. Just before she made it out of sight, you saw the spear in her hand. Or rather, what was left of it.

Oh gods. You thought.

You tipped your head back, letting out a breath before turning in the direction she went. You found her in the arena, tearing dummy after dummy into shreds. You let her go at it for a while, watching from the doorway.

Eventually, you slowly walked towards her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Clar.." You whisper.

She jumps, turning quickly, ready to knock you into the ground before relaxing. All of the tension disappears from her face, her bottom lip trembling. You reach forward, taking the sword from her hand and tossing it into the rack haphazardly.

"I- fuck.." She drops her head forward, breathing hard.

"Come on.. it'll be okay." You lead her towards your cabin, knowing all of your siblings would be in the infirmary tending to peoples wounds. You can see cuts and bruises on her arms, giving you a feeling that her back will be even worse. You make sure to grab the pieces of her spear on your way out.

On the way to your cabin, her eyes don't leave the ground. Your hand stays on her back the the whole walk, not leaving even as you open the door for her.

She sits on your bed, putting her head in her hands. The broken weapon lays on the foot of your bed as you sit next to her. Her breath shakes with her body.

"Let me clean you up, okay?" She nods, at your words.

"Okay.." Her voice is smaller than you've ever heard it before. You lean forward and pull her shirt over her head, confirming your suspicions about her back. An angry red covers almost the entirety of her tan skin, small amounts of blood leaking from a few spots.

You hover a hand over the scrapes and cuts, a warm glow emanating from your palm. Her wounds slowly heal as her muscles relax. Your heart breaks for her every time you hear her wince or feel her breath hitch. Your free hand reaches forward, grasping hers. A few small scars form over the area, but nothing that won't fade.

You lean your chin on her shoulder when you finish, wrapping your arm around her front. Her other hand reaches up to hold your wrist.

"I love you.." You whisper into her ear.

She hesitates, not speaking for a few moments. When she does her voice is as shaky as her body.

"That was the only thing- the only proof he-" She can't finish either sentence. You can feel her holding her breath as if she's trying not to cry.

"I know, my love. I know." Your lips press into her shoulder. "I'm gonna talk to some Hephaestus kids, I think there's a couple of Hecate kids in the Hermes cabin. I'll do everything I can to fix it."

Her whole body shudders. She's never had the best relationship with her dad. He'd always said that she should've been a son. That spear was the only acknowledgement she'd ever gotten from him. And now it was broken.

A few tears slip down her cheek that you pretend not to see.

"It'll be okay, Clar'." Your arms tighten around her as her head leans into you.

"Thank you." She mutters. If it wasn't for your close proximity you probably wouldn't have heard it at all.

"You deserve someone to care about you.. I'll be damned if I don't do everything I can to be that person."

"I love you. So much." Her voices is so soft, so gentle.

"I love you more." You're not sure how long you sit like that, but it's long enough for your legs to go numb. You can bring yourself to care as she looks so comfortable. She's always had to fight for her dad's love. It gets tiring after you do everything you can to get no recognition. It was nice to know she had someone. If she didn't have anyone else, she would have you.

Eventually you moved positions to her laying on your chest. Your hand rubs up and down her back as her wrap around your waist. She traces patterns across your skin with her finger tips. It's not long before you're both sound asleep in each other's arms. She would never have to fight for your love, it was just there, ready for her when she came home.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #clarisse la rue #dior goodjohn #clarisse la rue x reader #x reader #percy series #percy jackson disney+#clarisse pjo #hurt/comfort #light angst #fluff #one shot #clarisse x reader #clarisse is bae

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sweetbans29 · 9 months ago

Text

Be Here - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Summary: 3 times you pull Caitlin out of her head

Warnings: fluff, suggestive content, not in any sort of timeline order

Word Count: 3.5k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN: Hello again! This is going to be a part of a small series, I hope you enjoy!

one.

You were over at Caitlin's apartment working on homework. It is silly to think about her doing schoolwork when she is just about to head out for March madness but even the biggest stars still have to do math.

You are locked into writing an essay when you hear her huffing and puffing. You glance over at her to see she looks beyond frustrated. She doesn't notice your gaze on her as she grabs her eraser and violently erases her answer for the 3rd time. When she sets down the eraser she gives the problem yet another try. Your gaze never leaves her as her tongue starts to peak out signaling her focus.

A smile creeps to your lips as Caitlin lets out another huff and puff and throws her pencil up in defeat. Her head hits the page she was just working on and you take the moment to lean over and give her back a little rub.

"I have been on the same problem for the last hour," she groans once she feels your touch. You let out a little laugh. "It's not funny!" She says as she sits up and looks like she is ready to throw in the towel.

You feel bad for your girl and put your hand out asking for her to pass over the problem she was working on. She debates whether she wants to figure it out on her own or if she will give in and allow your help. After a moment, she picks up the page and hands it to you. Following the page, she comes and sits next to you looking down at the problem she could quote word for word.

You skim over the problem and ask, "What have you been trying?" Handing her the problem, you watch as she goes about solving the problem in front of you two. She lets out another adorable puff and takes the paper back like a 10-year-old boy.

She begins working on the problem and you watch her trying to figure it out yourself. You can see where she starts to go wrong and you kiss her shoulder.

"You are overthinking it babe - look here," you say pointing out where she starts to go the wrong way with the problem. You grab the pencil from her hand and kiss her shoulder again trying to get her out of her head. You circle where she starts doing the wrong thing and proceeds to write out the path she should be taking to solve the problem. This just makes her more frustrated that you were able to solve it in a fraction of the time she was.

She lets out a puff and moves further away from you. You notice the small move and lean over to kiss her shoulder again, causing her body to betray her and she shudders.

"Get back over here," you say as you wrap your arm around her torso and bring her back to your side. "You got this," you hand her back the pencil and the paper and let her continue with the small change you made to help guide her in the right direction.

Grabbing the pencil, she continues the problem. After another minute she finishes it and just sits there. You know she is still frustrated. You also know that she is like a kid when she gets frustrated and can easily be pulled out of it with a few little tickles.

Your hand touches her arm and makes its way over her shoulder and down her side. She is too stubborn to make anything of it as she flips the page and continues on the math she didn't want to do in the first place. As your fingers make their way to the bottom of her shirt, you remove your laptop from the bed. Your palm lays flat across her stomach and you begin your attack. Kicking your leg over her, you straddle her as your fingers get to work.

Within seconds, you have her squirming beneath you, begging you to stop.

"Babe! Babe!" She pleads you you between laughs. Her hands trying to grab a hold of yours to stop the torture she would say she's enduring. After a few more minutes, Caitlin gets fed up with being on the bottom brings her leg up hooking under yours, and seamlessly flips you. She takes your surprise to her advantage, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head. It is your turn to let out a gasp.

You look up at her with a surprised but knowing face. It surprised you it didn't come to this sooner, typically she only lasts about a minute being tickled before she turns the tables. The knowing comes from where this is going. You give her a smile and try to wiggle your wrists out of her grasp.

"We need to get back to studying," you say but she still doesn't budge. Instead, she shakes her head and leans down to kiss your cheek and then your neck. You lift your head providing her more access, still trying to get your wrists out of her hold.

"I have a better idea," Caitlin says as her lips finally make their way to yours.

two.

It was Iowa's first home game of the season and you were beyond excited to go and watch Caitlin play. You thought it would be fun to have some friends over to get ready and then head to the game all together. As they started to arrive, you blast some music and break out the snacks. Most of your time before the game isn't spent getting ready, but rather talking about everyone's week and driving into the snacks.

You finish getting ready, checking your fit in the mirror. Of course, you are sporting one of Caitlin's jerseys - not only was it one of your favorite things to wear, but it was also one of your girlfriend's favorite things to see you in.

You take a quick photo of yourself sporting the number 22 and shoot over to Caitlin, telling her that she has got this. She never needed luck when it came to being on the court, her skill spoke for themselves.

Once everyone is ready you all head to the gym. You find seats right across from the team bench and settle in right as they begin announcing the starting lineup. You cheer for each player as their names are announced, yelling a little extra when your favorite player is called out.

You all watch as the game unfolds. It was all in all a great game but in the last quarter you can see Caitlin getting stuck in her head. She gets a little more feisty when things don't go the way she wants them to. It comes with her competitive nature. A part of her that you love but isn't always the easiest to navigate.

When the final buzzer rings, the final score has Iowa at a loss of 76-81. You can't see Caitlin's face but you can tell by her body language that she is stuck in her head. Your group makes its way down to the floor and waits for the team. As the team starts heading out from the locker room, you look around for Caitlin.

After looking for about 20 minutes, you start to worry. You see Kate and ask her if she has seen your girlfriend. She mentions that she saw Caitlin exit the locker room before she did. That was odd as Caitlin is typically the last person to leave the lockers. You thank her and continue looking around.

Another 10 minutes pass and you see someone sitting on the ground. You let out a sigh, knowing exactly who it is, and make your way over to your favorite person.

She is staring out with a blank face. You were expecting some sort of version of this when you started to keep track of how many shots Caitlin missed. It wasn't a typical game but this just proved that she is human. Coming up to her, you know there is nothing you can say to make her feel better. So instead of pulling her up and telling her to shake it off, you take a seat next to her. You hear her sigh but nothing is said. You both just sit there and watch the floor slowly empty itself.

It gets to the point where there are only a few people left, all of whom you think are employees of the school. You slowly make your way to your feet and grab Caitlin's bag. You then offer a hand to her which she takes. As you are about to let go of her hand, she intertwines her fingers with yours. You bring her hand and place a kiss on the back of her hand and follow it with three little kisses as a way of saying you love her.

When you get back to your apartment you put Caitlin's stuff down and let her go into your room to shower. As she is in the shower you decide that a batch of brownies would be exactly what you want if you were where she is.

Grabbing the ingredients you begin prepping your kitchen. Caitlin walks out right as you are measuring the dry ingredients. She has a towel in hand as she is drying her hair. She comes around behind you and wraps her arms around your torso, leaning into you.

"Mmmmm, brownies?" She asks as she dips her finger in the melted chocolate you had on the counter.

"Hey! Those are for the brownies!" You gasp as you try to move the chocolate bowl away from her so you can finish mixing the dry ingredients. You whisper 'chocolate stealer' which earns a chuckle from your girlfriend.

Even with the little playful banter, you can tell she is still not completely out of her head yet. She makes her way around the island to take a seat and watch you make your world-famous brownies. As you finish with the mix, you pour the batter into a pan and hit it on the counter to get all the bubbles out. You then pass Caitlin the spoon to lick, knowing it is one of her favorite parts of watching you bake.

Once the pan is in the oven, you take to washing the dishes and then pulling Caitlin onto the couch. You know she wouldn't care what you put on but in the state that she's trying to shake, you put on her favorite - Ted Lasso.

About halfway into the episode, you hear the timer go off. You untangle yourself from Caitlin and make your way to remove the brownies from the oven. Once you do, you take a fork to the center (many people's unpopular opinion but you are out here living your best life and trying to help Caitlin live hers too). You bring a bite over to her, blowing it off to cool it down a little.

She takes the bite and her eyes close, knowing it is healing her soul. A smile builds on her face as she opens her eyes. She points to the pan and gestures for you to bring it over. You let out a laugh and shake your head no.

"It just came out of the oven, it is way too hot," you say knowing that is the exact opposite of what she wants to hear. Not saying a word, she looks up at you with a little pout. You playfully roll your eyes and lean down to kiss her forehead. As much as you think it is a bad idea, you give in and grab the pan of brownies. She sits up on the couch and crosses her legs. You place the pan on a towel to not burn her or the couch and give her the fork. She goes to town on them, occasionally groaning at the chocolatey goodness she is indulging in.

Once she is finished, she places the pan on the coffee table and lays down, placing her head in your lap. You begin to stroke her hair. Looking up at you she mumbles, "Thank you."

You look down at her with a light smile, "It is my genuine pleasure."

You know the thank you is for more than the brownies. The thank you is for sitting in the gym with her and bringing her home safely without trying to force her to feel better. It is for making sure she is taken care of and loved even when she finds it hard to do that for herself. It's for being you.

A smile continues to play on your lips as you lean down and kiss her on the forehead, playing with her hair and continuing to watch Ted Lasso.

three.

Caitlin's birthday is approaching and you know something is bugging her but she hasn't said anything to you abut it yet.

The two of you are hanging out, running some errands on a Friday morning when you sense that she is stuck in her head. This happens every once and a while, typically they are things that she can shake but you have noticed she has been a little more preoccupied than previous times.

As the two of you are grocery shopping, you nudge her arm and ask her, "What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," she replies - lies, you think to yourself.

"Okay...well we should start talking about what you want to do for your birthday as it is right around the corner," you say as you pick up some apples. You continue, "Since you won't be here the day of, I was thinking we could do something before you head out of town for your away game." A smile is on your face as you try to get her mood up.

"Ya, sure, whatever," she says as she looks at some dried fruit. You are a little hurt by the response but don't let it show. You know her birthday isn't the biggest deal to her but you love celebrating her and every year she has let you do so to your heart's content. So what was different about this year?

You decide to drop the topic for now and finish your errands without further digging her into the hole inside of her head. When you get back to your joint apartment you decide you just want to plan something small for her this year with the two of you. Nothing too big but still satisfying your desire to celebrate her.

Over the next few days, you get to planning her pre-birthday celebration. Several different ideas come to mind, unsure of what to choose. You decide on a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant then heading back for a lazy evening with all of her favorite movies. As you are making reservations and thinking about what to get her as a gift you struggle. She doesn't need much and you got her a necklace last year. Not wanting to repeat that, you need to figure something out that she will love.

"Hey babe?" You ask as you want to see if you can get any little hint out of her of what she could possibly want.

She looks up at you with a hum.

"I am planning a little birthday thing for you, just the two of us, and want to get your thoughts," you say.

"Sure," she responds and you proceed to tell her the plan you came up with. When you are finished all she gives you is a little nod and then proceeds to go back to whatever it is that she is doing. This upsets but you take a deep breath and decide to try and get her out whatever sort of funk she is in.

"Caitlin, what's going on?" You begin, moving your laptop aside to sit and face her. "You have been more distant these past few days and I don't know what I have done wrong. Is this about your birthday? I know it isn't the most important thing to you but I love celebrating you and that has never bugged you before. If I am overstepping, please let me know and I will give you space but I need you to talk to me so I know what I need to do," you say.

She looks up at you with tired eyes, tears beginning to build in them. Your eyes go wide as you begin to panic. Your mind goes to the worst - she is going to break up with you. You rack your brain for what could have possibly triggered her wanting to end things but you can't think because you are too busy trying to remain calm. Her hand grabs your shaking one as you wait for her to respond.

"You are perfect," is all she says as she brings your hand to her lips.

A tear escapes down your face and you use your other hand to quickly wipe it, hopefully without her noticing. You failed in your attempt as her whole mood shifts once she sees you are crying. She drops your hand and brings you into a hug.

"If I am overstepping, I will step back - we can work out whatever you are feeling but please talk to me Cait, I don't want to lose you," you say holding back sobs that threaten to escape your lips. She squeezes you even closer to her chest as her heart begins to break. It was never her intention to get you thinking that she doesn't want you.

"Oh baby, I am not breaking up with you," she says as she gives you a little rock back and forth.

"You're not?" You say as you let a sob escape and allow yourself to be held.

"No babe. That isn't even close to the reason I have been stuck in my head. I am so sorry that is where your mind went but you can't get rid of me that easily," she says trying to lighten the mood a little. She continues. "I know you love celebrating me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love that you are working around me being away for a game but if I am honest, the only thing I want is to be with you on my birthday and that isn't possible this year."

The second she says it, you jerk away from her and look at her. She looks a little defeated and sort of embarrassed that was the cause of her being stuck in her head while being with you but she can't help it, you are the only thing she wants.

"That's what this has been about? Not being with you on your actual birthday? You are adorable," you say and lean in to give her a kiss. That then sparks the perfect gift that you can think of to make this all go away - but you were going to let Caitlin sweat a little longer considering she had you thinking that she was going to break up with you. You also had to make the proper arrangements to make it all work out.

After that conversation, you both settle on your original plan of dinner and a night of movies. You promise her that you will do something with the team when everyone gets back and she seems a little more herself when you say that.

Time passes and it gets to the dinner reservation you made. You are both getting ready to make your way out. You check your purse to ensure you have her gift.

Once at the restaurant, you enjoy a beautiful 5-course meal with the perfect wine pairings. The meal was absolutely delicious. When planning the dinner you reached out to the restaurant and planned a special dessert for the evening. As you wait for it, you decide it is the perfect time for her to open her gift. Reaching into your purse you pull out a card and hand it over to her.

She takes the envelope and asks what it is. You laugh at her and tell her to open it to find out. She obliges and you wait for her reaction.

Opening the card it takes her a moment to process what she is seeing and reading. Her head whips up to you with wide eyes.

"You're coming to my game?" She asks looking happier than a kid on Christmas. You nod with a smile.

"It was the only logical thing to get you after that oh-so-serious talk, it was a no-brainer," you say. She begins to stand and you do as well. You meet in the middle in a hug and she whispers 'thank you' in your ear. You give her an extra little squeeze.

As you both sit down, Caitlin can't shake the smile that this gift has brought her. You sit across from her and admire how stunning she looks and are grateful that she is all yours.

AN: Please let me know what you think! I have a few of these in mind. And as always, thank you for your love and support 🤍

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #iowa wbb #iowa hawkeyes #caitlin clark imagine #22

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drdemonprince · 4 months ago

Text

At one point he was down in between my legs, fingering me, and he made a throwaway comment about probably being Autistic.

I leaned back, trying to relish what pleasure I was getting. “Well, we can talk about that subject, if you like,” I said vaguely, not really wanting to bring my professional life into things.

He kept working away at my body, kissing between my lips and thighs. “Oh I know who you are,” he said suddenly. “Your book changed my life. In a way, I guess this is me thanking you.”

I made him exit my body and we went to the kitchen to hash it out. It turned out he was a big fan of many things I’d written.

“I’ve seen you around the neighborhood many times,” he confessed. “But you posted online that you don’t like when people come up to you, and so I always decided to leave you alone.”

He said, “Your book is the reason I got divorced, actually. My ex-husband was a therapist, and when I showed him your book and said I thought I might be Autistic, he didn’t believe me. We have been separated for a year.”

He asked, “Did I just make this weird, telling you when I did that I was a fan?” I told him that if he’d said it sooner, I would have never fucked him at all.

People never realize that when they approach me, what they are doing is dragging me into work. It doesn’t matter whether I was at breakfast, or an orgy. I was just some guy standing there, enjoying his beer, but now they have made me the known scholar and author. And sure, my job might be meaningful, but that doesn’t mean I like to work.

I tell my friend that I no longer want to be a public figure, and that I am planning how to make it all end. She tells me, “You’ve got to do what is the best for you, even if it’s something that the rest of us wants and can’t imagine giving up.”

I ask myself, did I want this? It would be more flattering to say I didn’t, and play the role of the hermetic author whose work developed its own life purely because it was so good. But that isn’t true.

From the moment I got a Myspace account in high school, I was publishing essays about my political views. I serialized multiple novels on Tumblr, guerilla marketing them with giveaways and custom-made images until they hit the Kindle sales charts. I have made memes, tried starting viral trends, coined phrases, and given hundreds of hours’ worth of media interviews. I write prescriptive nonfiction, for Christ’s sake. Of course people seek guidance from me. I offer it up!

I have been strategic about how I dress, and my video backdrops, and retaken clips of myself speaking over and over again until they sounded right. I’ve hosted debates with my most vicious critics while I’m in the shower, started public beef with creators who had larger accounts than I did, and rushed to my keyboard when upsetting news broke, because I alone was possessed of the most correct take on it.

I wanted this. I didn’t know what this was, this internet fame I was chasing, but I did all I could to make it mine. I thought that by writing so much, I would one day be able to escape myself, maybe really feel connected to other people. Instead it has meant never being able to stop thinking about myself: how I am seen, what I am working on, how it all fits together, what comes next. It has also meant being spoken about, theorized about, and criticized, and developing a firm exoskeleton of disdain between myself and the world.

I believe now that that it is immoral for any person to be listened to by ninety thousand other people. Holding authority and status like that runs counter to my anarchic ideals. I am not more important or correct than anyone. I should not be trusted to tell people which commodities to buy, which companies not to support, what to read, what to think, what words to use, or how to conduct their lives.

All the other animals know there is no one way that a creature “should” live. There is only the way that it does. The world has no consciousness, no beliefs. It cannot pass judgment. We only feel so watched and evaluated because we have covered the planet with so many millions of our eyes. But we can stop performing dignified human goodness at any moment.

I think that celebrity is an evil, corrupting force that pits the human instinct for bonding against itself. Instead of appreciating the singing of our friends around the fire, we stream Chappell Roan until stalkers break into her house. Rather than playing card games together, we stan Twitch streamers, filling up their chats with highlighted messages until they acknowledge us. We long to be famous novelists because then we would have the social permission to write, and we don’t have the money or time to enjoy the activity on its own.

I wrote about Chappell Roan, stalker stans, and how turning art into content creation ruins the work, and the creator's life. It's free to read in full (or have narrated to you by the app!) on Substack.

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aventurineswife · 6 days ago

Note

Dan Heng with a reader who loves to write stories of their own but rarely show them to others in fear of criticism or getting made fun of. But one day, they decided to ask him if he would read their story (since Dan Heng loves to read books) telling him if he can give a feedback about it as they fidgeted with their fingers nervously while Dan Heng read through the contents of the story, awaiting his reply. (You can also add other characters who fits this scenario if you'd like!)

Pages in Light

Tags: Dan Heng x Reader, Ratio x Reader, Emotional Support, Encouragement, Writing and Creativity, Trust and Vulnerability, Gentle Critique.

Warnings: Mentions of self-doubt and fear of rejection, Introspective moments (emotional vulnerability).

The clatter of the cafeteria quieted around you, the usual hum of intellectual debates and the clinking of cups barely registering in your ears. Sitting across from you, Dr. Ratio loomed larger than life, his hair catching the light, eyes as sharp as ever. His presence was both reassuring and utterly intimidating—a paradox that left your fingers twitching nervously against the notebook in your lap.

You had spent weeks debating this moment. The stories you poured your soul into had remained private for years, hidden away in notebooks and files on your datapad. Sharing them wasn’t something you did—not because they weren’t good, but because the idea of someone laughing at your words, at you, was unbearable. Yet, here you were, about to hand your story to one of the most brilliant minds in the universe.

“Dr. Ratio?” Your voice was quieter than intended.

He glanced up, his eyes piercing as they met yours. A golden ring around his pupils flickered in the light like an unspoken challenge to match his intellect.

“Yes?” His voice was calm but commanding, effortlessly filling the space between you.

You swallowed hard, gripping the notebook tighter. “I… I wanted to ask if you could read something for me. A story I wrote. I—well, I’d appreciate your feedback.”

The corners of his lips twitched upward, an amused expression dancing across his face. “A story? That’s a departure from the academic essays and research papers I’m typically handed. Intriguing.”

He reached out, palm open, and you hesitated before placing the notebook in his hand. His touch was steady, the slight brush of his fingers against yours sending a wave of nervous energy through you. As he flipped the first page, his eyes narrowed in focus.

You watched him, fingers fidgeting against each other under the table. He was silent, entirely absorbed in the words you’d poured your heart into. The silence stretched on, each second feeling heavier than the last.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he closed the notebook and set it on the table. His gaze returned to you, thoughtful and intense.

“This is remarkable,” he said, his voice as steady as ever.

Your heart leapt, but you quickly tamped down your excitement. “You… you really think so?”

Ratio leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Yes, though not for the reasons you may expect.” He gestured toward the notebook. “Your writing carries a certain rawness, an honesty that is difficult to achieve. Your world-building is vivid, your characters compelling, but it is your voice—the unpolished sincerity—that makes it stand out. It is not perfect, but perfection is overrated.”

His words were firm, yet kind, their impact settling into your chest like a weight lifted.

“Th-thank you,” you stammered, warmth flooding your cheeks.

He leaned forward, his golden shoulder piece catching the light as he rested his elbows on the table. “You hesitate, don’t you? To share your work. You’re afraid of judgment, criticism.”

You nodded, averting your gaze. “I just… I don’t want people to think it’s silly.”

“Let me tell you something,” he said, his tone softening ever so slightly. “The greatest ideas in the universe were considered ‘silly’ at some point. Genius is not born from fear of ridicule. It is born from the courage to create despite it.”

His words hit harder than you expected.

Ratio pushed the notebook back toward you. “Your story deserves to be shared. Not because it is flawless, but because it is yours. There is nothing more extraordinary than that.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, and you blinked them away quickly. “Thank you,” you whispered.

He smiled, a rare and genuine expression that softened the sharpness of his features. “Now, if you ever need further feedback—or simply wish to share—I am here. And next time, try to believe in your own brilliance, yes?”

You nodded, clutching the notebook to your chest as a small but growing confidence blossomed within you. You would take his advice, you decided. Your stories were worth sharing.

Ratio’s gaze lingered on you as you stood to leave, his expression unreadable but warm. “Until next time,” he said, and you swore you heard a hint of pride in his voice.

The softly humming engine of the Astral Express served as background music to an otherwise still evening. You sat in your quarters, nervously clutching the manuscript in your hands. Words you had poured your heart into, meticulously crafted, yet kept hidden for far too long. Tonight, you decided, was the night to share them—with someone you trusted.

Dan Heng had always seemed like the perfect confidant. His quiet demeanor and love for literature had endeared him to you in ways you hadn’t expected. If anyone could offer constructive feedback without ridicule, it would be him. And yet, as you approached the archive room where he often spent his evenings, your courage faltered.

You lingered in the doorway, peeking inside. Dan Heng was seated at his usual spot, a book open in his lap. His hair caught the glow of the lamp beside him, and his expression was serene yet focused, as always.

“Hey,” you called softly, stepping inside.

He looked up, his sharp eyes softening when they met yours. “Something you need?”

“I, um…” You fidgeted, gripping the pages in your hands. “I was wondering if you’d… if you’d read something for me. And maybe tell me what you think?”

His gaze flickered to the papers you held, then back to your face. He set his book aside and leaned forward slightly. “Is it a story you wrote?”

“Yes,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “I just… I don’t usually show my writing to anyone, but I thought you might… you might be the right person to read it.”

He nodded, his expression calm but encouraging. “I’d be honored to read it. May I?”

You handed over the manuscript, your fingers trembling as they brushed against his. He noticed but said nothing, only shifting in his seat to make room for you to sit beside him.

“Stay while I read?” he suggested, his tone gentle.

You hesitated, then nodded, sitting at the edge of the seat as he began reading. The silence that followed was almost unbearable. You fidgeted with your fingers, chewing your lip as your thoughts raced. What if he hated it? What if it wasn’t good enough?

Minutes stretched on like hours as his eyes scanned the pages, his expression unreadable. Occasionally, his lips quirked or his brows furrowed, and you found yourself holding your breath, hanging onto every subtle reaction.

Finally, he set the manuscript down and turned to you.

“Well?” you asked, your voice trembling.

Dan Heng regarded you for a moment, then said, “You’re talented. Your writing is vivid and heartfelt. I could tell you poured yourself into this.”

Your chest loosened, relief washing over you like a wave. “Really?”

He nodded. “There are a few places where the pacing could be tightened, and some descriptions that might benefit from more clarity, but overall, it’s captivating.”

His words filled you with a warmth you hadn’t expected. “You mean that?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t,” he said, his tone firm but kind. “You have a gift, and it would be a shame to keep it hidden.”

You ducked your head, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. “Thank you, Dan Heng. That means… a lot.”

He leaned back slightly, his gaze softening. “If you’d like, I can help you refine it. I’ve read enough books to know what works and what doesn’t.”

Your heart swelled at the offer. “I’d like that.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, rare and fleeting but genuine. “Good. I look forward to seeing more of your work.”

For the first time in a long while, you felt confident in your writing—not just because of Dan Heng’s feedback, but because you had taken the first step to share a piece of yourself. And knowing he was by your side made all the difference.

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ekkotimesthree · 5 months ago

Text

RE: Homestuck Discourse, Media Literacy, Fandom Entitlement, & The Puppet Theory

an essay by yours truly

content warning: discussions of child abuse, CSA, & child neglect

so many discourses and debates surrounding homestuck boil down to lacking basic media literacy. so instead of making a petulant rant, i’ll attempt writing a productive essay, but forgive me if my annoyance seeps into parts of this post due to the subject matter. let’s start with dave, since he’s one of the most contentious characters (also because he’s my blorbo, sorry not sorry), and move on from there!

i constantly see people say something along the lines of “davekat happening in the retcon timeline makes no sense why would terezi ignore dave and gamzee yada yada yada”, like there’s not a whole scene that explains this! and it’s one of the most plot relevant scenes in the comic!! if you don’t know what the blood scarf even is, your opinion on this irrelevant, since you didn’t read/remember the text. rule number one of media literacy is properly consuming the media.

“dave being abused and the gay stuff came out of nowhere” this is definitively not true. one of the first things we learn about dave is that he has to hide food in his room so he doesn’t starve, and that this is an intentional choice by his brother. oh, and then his brother actually beats the shit out of him on screen, while not letting him abscond, right after we see john and rose strife their parents in a healthy way no less. (take note of bro using cal, and dave trying to abscond from him. more on that later.)

and re: dave’s sexuality, rose immediately points out that dave is probably gay during their first on screen interaction, and it’s her first line of dialogue to him.

TT: In some cultures the persistent refusal of a lady's invitation to play a game with her would be a sign wanton disrespect.

TT: Either that, or flagrant homosexuality.

moving on, later that same day, dave outright admits he loves john:

in these scenes, rose would be considered a mouthpiece! author’s use mouthpieces to get across information to the audience, that the character(s) themsel(ves) don’t know. in this case, that character is dave.

so now let’s address the elephant in the room, you probably thought these messages were just jokes, and that’s okay! that’s for three reasons:

first, your worldviews and perspectives shift the way you perceive the world, and more specifically art in this instance. that’s a fundamental part of the human experience. having your own personal biases based on your life experiences isn’t inherently a bad thing! for example, if you finish my essay, you can learn more about compulsive heterosexuality, or the effects of child abuse, see all of the signs, all without having to deal with it first hand. which is great! that’s the point of art and storytelling.

secondly, you probably still thought dave was straight while reading this narration. that’s because homestuck is written in deep pov, or as you would probably call it, unreliable narration. these are technically two separate things, but i don’t feel like breaking down all of those pedantics. all you need to know is: deep pov is when a character’s worldviews and perspective shift the narrative, rather than a story being told objectively. think junie b jones, the percy jackson series, or uh, catcher in the rye, if you’re into that sort of thing. that means that all the dialogue and narration within homestuck will always have some level of subtext, aka the non-literal explanation for text. homestuck is made by adults for adults, so it’s created on the basis we can analyze the text, and come to our own conclusions, unlike YA and children’s media.

a lot of people assume homestuck is supposed to be YA series, but that’s not the case. homestuck’s themes are about exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, which you need to be an adult to fully understand. and unlike cinderella, homestuck shows child abuse on screen, and as we’ll discuss later, tackles subject matter about CSA, or child s*x*al *ss*lt. that inherently makes it a 18+ story, no matter the ages of any characters involved. just because most of us read homestuck as kids doesn’t really have any impact on that.

“well there’s no explicitly 18+ content in homestuck!!! they’re all 13!!!!” please take one look at equius’s room, or translate damara’s dialogue, and tell me if you still feel that way. oh, and read the epilogues too. also do you not remember the sheer amount of bloodshed, sex jokes, and cursing shown without a single censor??? even the official homestuck twitter said this:

finally, it’s also worth mentioning the time homestuck was made, because art can’t be removed from it’s historical context. so in 2009, gay representation was still virtually non-existent, especially in children’s and teen media. in the 2000s there was an extremely prevalent trope, “queer people are funny”, where the whole joke is that a character doing something that could be perceived as gay, or transgender, is funny. this problem was especially rampant in media for men. the most infamous example of this is family guy this was s8e18 of family guy, “quagmire’s dad”, where the whole joke is that brian slept with a trans woman, and everyone single joke comes at the expense of the trans woman, who’s relegated to a background role, while the narrative focuses on quagmire and brian’s emotions, the two cis men. so what homestuck is doing is called a deconstruction of this trope! deconstruction is where you break something down to critically analyze the philosophy behind it. we’ll leave a pin in john for now (just you wait), but it’s made extremely clear that dave is struggling with internalized homophobia, thus deconstructing why he makes these jokes in the first place. by the end of homestuck, dave says:

DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff. about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them. a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy, but now im not so sure. we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember?

with this quote, and the knowledge that dave goes onto date a man, i don’t think anyone is denying the internalized homophobia now, so let’s move onto reading this:

i’m sure all of us are thinking “there’s no heterosexual explanation for this, he doesn’t even like ben stiller!” OR “maybe dave’s just too embarrassed to admit he likes shitty movies? is it really more than that??” either way, that’s because hussie utilitized the rule of three to make you subconsciously notice dave’s obsession with irony! the rule of three is used to set patterns in a story, either to establish a fact, or to subvert the viewer’s expectations. for example, let’s analyze this joke:

notice how terezi’s third response is the funny one?by setting up the pattern, both you and john are expecting her to keep laughing in response, so when terezi flips the script on him, it’s hilarious. that’s called payoff, or in this instance, comedic payoff. now we can compare that to dave’s irony, where it was mentioned three times on one panel. no subversions of expectations here! that’s because hussie wants to establish dave’s obsession with irony, and they did so by creating a pattern you would notice subconsciously. this is how the rule of three works! psychology is cool, right?

so now that we can all agree that the subtext here is related to the irony, we have a new problem: we’ve only gotten dave and rose’s perspectives. we still need one more to complete the rule of three. fuck. thank god i can skip ahead!

using my whimsical ability to read ahead analyze text, i find out what john said to dave, and leave out the unimportant bullshit for everyone’s sake (mostly mine though):

dear dave, happy birthday!!! (…) i got you these. they're totally authentic! they actually touched ben stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. i'm sure you'll dig them because i know you lolled so hard at that movie. ok so for real, this is sort of a shitty present, but it is an ironic present because i know you wouldn't have it any other way. maybe you can wear them ironically some time. they MIGHT even be more ironic than you and your bro's dumb pointy anime shades.

now we have three characters’ perspectives on dave’s behavior. you’re probably able to put together the pieces i’m putting down, but for those who aren’t getting it: when you compare john’s letter, with dave’s actions, and rose’s messages, you realize that: dave is keeping these glasses because he loves john, not because he likes ben stiller, but he can’t admit that to himself, hence why his narration overcompensates with the usage of irony! it’s worth noting that all of these examples are from dave’s pov, because switching to rose or john’s pov would no longer make them mouthpieces!

“okay but isn’t dave’s perspective not reliable either??” yes! that’s why we’re using his actions as textual evidence, not his statements. the fact dave kept these glasses, and hung up a picture of an actor he doesn’t even like, is the proof he loves john, not him saying outright that he loves him. like i said earlier, this is a comic intended for adults, so characters aren’t going to outright say themes or how they feel. that’s more for peppa pig, hannah montana, and riverdale, you feel me? just like in real life, talk is fucking cheap here.

so now we’re left with a new question: why does dave feel comfortable admitting his love for john to rose, but not john himself? i’m sure the answer is becoming obvious! putting all this together we can gather the following: hussie wants us to know that dave possibly has a crush on john, but definitely loves him.

wait a minute… possibly?!? that’s because we still need textual evidence dave likes men. luckily, like i mentioned earlier, we can skip ahead to the epilogues, where him and karkat get together in the meat timeline, thus proving dave has liked men this whole time. boom! that’s payoff!!!

now we can OFFICIALLY put together that dave had a crush on john. once again, notice how we’re using dave’s actions to prove this, and not just quotes! either way, now we have officially used media analysis to deduce that dave had a childhood crush on john! huzzah! pat yourself on the back my loyal reader.

and for those who still aren’t convinced of dave’s crush on john, this masterpost has way more evidence than i ever could fit in this post.

(trigger warning: csa)

so now with everything we’ve learned about media analysis, i present you with my own analysis: the puppets are a symbolism for abuse, and the sex puppets specifically are an allegory for CSA, or child s*xual ass*ult. symbolism is where you use a certain object to represent ideas or qualities. the best example of this is the iconic green house logo we see throughout the comic. in comparison, an allegory is when a certain object or plot device is used to get a point across, without directly stating the point itself, aka, a hidden meaning. for instance, hussie has said their game “pyscholonials” is an allegory for how they feel about their gender identity!

so now, let’s start finding textual evidence to back up my claims about the puppet allegory, through looking for textual evidence of dave’s symptoms, aka analyzing character psychology:

dave’s anxiety manifests in the way he types. according to healthline “rambling or excessive talking [is a sign of] social anxiety. you fear saying the wrong thing or being judged by others, but you end up talking more (…) in an effort to help make up for your anxiety, and help quiet the worries revolving around what others think of you”. this is basically dave’s whole personality, but more specifically, you can see him doing this around the puppets in this scene, he rambles to himself non stop when returning to his childhood bedroom, and he’s still doing so on the meteor when he can’t find terezi to do “some stuff”. by the end of the comic, dave even acknowledges this himself by saying: “DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers”. it’s also worth mentioning that, generally speaking, dave also spams his friends a lot until he gets a response, implying he gets anxious when people don’t respond quick enough to him, which is a normal reaction after being neglected as a child. that’s called a trauma response! all of these bullet points are trauma responses that happen to people who had to deal with CSA. in this case, the trauma response would be dave’s anxiety in general, and not him spamming his friends specifically. moving along…

dave’s hypersexuality manifests in a pretty in a pretty straightforward way, hence him constantly making s*xual jokes, and him drawing dicks on stuff on the meteor, much to the annoyance of everyone else. terezi even points this out herself while dave is failing to grieve bro:

TG: im sorry you are so flustered by the mere mention of glittering mythical cryptodick it honestly makes me think youre not ready for the truth

GC: D4V3 YOUR P3RPL3XING 3UPH3MISMS INVOLVING WHAT I PR3SUM3 TO B3 L3WD 4ND VAGU3LY INTRIGUING PORTIONS OF HUMAN 4N4TOMY 1 THINK 4R3 NOT 4S HILARIOUS 4S YOU PROBABLY B3L13V3

his dissociation is also pretty straightforward. he constantly talks about himself in the third person, and treats himself like he’s a character in a story, rather than a person who has wants and needs. for reference, dave immediately pulls meta shenanigans when you meet him, foreshadowing his dissociation. you can tell it’s built up to an already toxic level when we meet him, because on the same day, he has almost no reaction to seeing his own corpse, and immediately disposes of it “for jade’s sake”, rather than his own. and to make matters worse, he immediately “moves on” as if nothing happened. deep pov, remember? he also couldn’t properly process bro’s death. once again, terezi tries to point this out to dave, and he’s still not getting the message. put a pin in this section for now.

near the end of the comic, davepetasprite outright says that davesprite was depressed, regularly talked about how he wanted to off himself, and implies he might of attempted it. this is a grey area since davesprite is technically a separate character, and grieving the death of everyone from his original timeline, but it feels weird to just ignore it. to each their own on this point, but i would assume davepetasprite was referring to dave’s whole life when they talked about him being depressed based on wording, and his terrible childhood, but the s**cidal stuff could go either way. again, the proof here is dave/davesprite’s actions, not davepetasprite’s quote itself.

he displays regressive behavior 24/7 by wearing his shades to avoid eye contact, refusing to participate in common social cues (i.e.: constant dick jokes), and the few times we see him get upset, he shuts down rather than feeling his emotions. not so fun fact, the only time dave cries in all of homestuck is because of onions being cut in front of him. there’s an allegory in this scene, can you find it? (hint: the dragons forced dave into the soup, but he refuses to get out of it) also, in his most emotional scene, he still tries his damndest to not talk about emotional stuff with dirk, and still doesn’t cry when they hug, despite discussing bro’s death, and his thoughts on his own abuse in detail:

the lack of self esteem is pretty apparent. he constantly over compensates at the beginning of the comic, as seen below. he always talks about himself as if he’s a famous important guy, despite that all of his friends know he’s lying, and regularly say it to his face, but he’s still adamant that they’re wrong, or commits to the bit without actually admitting the truth. i wanna note that dave’s humor is always more of a commit to the bit and keep it going sort of thing, for better… or usually worse. not full on sarcasm. this is opposed to rose and john’s teenaged douchebaggery mixed with flagrant sarcasm. also, in the aforementioned scene above, davepetasprite still refers to davesprite as a piece of garbage, showing this is something dave struggles with even while being combined with nepeta. again, we’re using the action of putting himself down, not the quote itself. (also, sorry for the image quality, i’m on mobile)

in the long term, it’s basically impossible for him to form long lasting, fulfilling, and romantic relationships. first, it’s his crush on john, but that’s just kids being kids stuff. there’s also the fact dave and rose had some sort of failed relationship in davesprite’s timeline, due to them not learning they’re siblings. then we see the serious problems arise with terezi, who he dates pre-retcon mostly just cause she’s there, and his weird definitely not gay rivalry with karkat, which leads to her being unfulfilled in their relationship, and starting a kismesistude with gamzee. obviously the jade stuff is a big wooooof (pun NOT intended), both with davesprite, and the candy timeline. ultimately, both times, dave only dates jade because he feels bad for not liking her back, which leads to the relationship falling apart both times. remember the pin in dissociation? that’s what he’s doing here. karkat would be the opposite of jade. dave doesn’t let himself date karkat because dave hates himself, and more specifically, his attraction to men, which i’ll elaborate on later. this is what we call a character foil, aka two characters who have similarities so you can contrast their differences. think naruto and sasuke, or uh, deku and bakugo i guess? how do you do fellow kids? actually yeah! cause jade is green, and karkat is red blooded, which would symbolize how dave sees karkat as the “wrong” choice, while jade is the “right” one. the colors green and red are opposites, but jade and karkat are both of dave’s love interests in the epilogues. see? character foils! symbolism! personally, i refer to this as “star wars logic”, cause the good guys have green lightsabers, and the bad guys have red ones. this is definitely intentional, seeing as homestuck is littered with star wars references, like how HIC is basically just darth vader. meenah is also definitely a reference to darth maul, just look at her double sided weapon, or how they both die before getting to their respective thrones. i could keep going but it’s not really relevant to the discussion.

so right now you might be thinking “well you still didn’t explain how dave got assaulted tho”, and that’s fair. however, i wanna remind you that showing children porn against their will is 100% a form of CSA, same with sex paraphernalia, and especially forcing sex paraphernalia onto them. to do that to a child non-stop, in an environment they can’t escape, would have horrid effects psychologically, and dave displays almost every one of them, as you saw with the textual evidence above. so when dave can’t admit to himself that he he hates bro’s puppets, and more specifically the sex ones, it’s because doing so would force him to admit: a) what bro did to him was wrong & b) that he enjoyed it in some aspect. john even points out how weird bro’s affinity for puppets is weird and definitively not cool, which causes dave to immediately shut him down hardcore (more allegory).

speaking from experience, one of the worst parts of CSA is that you have no clue what’s going on. victims of assault often blame themselves, or feel guilty of what happened, and children lack the ability to tell what’s fully going on in the first place, due to their brains being underdeveloped, thus amplifying the guilt and blame. people often worry so much about the “man tricking kids with candy” because it’s the most pervasive p****ph*le you see in media (god i hate true crime culture), that people forget that 84% of csa happens in the home, 50% of the time it’s someone the child trusts, and 40% of time it’s family members specifically. even if 99% of your experience is terrible, you’ll still find a way to blame yourself for the 1% until you can properly process that you didn’t do anything wrong. this is what’s referred to as the “the myth of the perfect victim”.

i know this is “personal speculation”, but to me, it seems very apparent that dave is gay, and can’t come to terms with it because of his CSA trauma, hence his inability to just admit to himself he has a crush on john. every girl he dates in the main comic is quite literally the ONLY dateable girl in front of him, or usually the only girl in front of him at all, and all three girls have crushes on him/flirt with him WAY before he starts their relationships. and once again, he only dates jade in the epilogues due to his own guilt and dissociation, combined with her doing everything short of forcing herself onto him. compulsive heterosexuality is a major part of homestuck. for instance, hussie has confirmed via author’s notes that rose had a crush on dave when they were kids, and that something happened between them when they never learned they were siblings on davesprite’s timeline, yet hussie has also said that rose is a full on lesbian. that’s comphet, and it’s very intentional!

i also wanna take a moment to acknowledge that dave and rose are 100% nods to luke skywalker and princess leia, who also kiss before finding out they’re related. notice how dave fights with swords, like a lightsaber, and has the same hair as luke. meanwhile, rose’s seer of light powers are basically the same as leia’s force powers, and she uses most of her weapons as blasters, just like leia. i don’t think hussie was trying to be weird or add this stuff in for any unsavory reasons, like some people imply. there’s a reason all of this extremely vague, and not shown on screen. put a pin in that.

so in the same way the katanas in dave’s fridge symbolize bro prioritizing preparing dave for battle over what he actually needs (food and shelter), that’s how the puppets symbolize dave’s CSA. now, if you read dave and rose’s conversation about the sex puppets with that knowledge, it starts to paint the harrowing picture (again, allegory). it’s important to remember that rose had a canonically had a crush on dave at the time during this conversation, so she was probably just negging him the same way she negs her mom. she was upset because she knew that dave liked john, and probably was just gay in general, so he was never going to like her back. she’s definitely projecting her gayness (and love of puppets) onto dave too. again, all of this is definitely comphet lesbian behavior. all that’s to say, i’m not claiming she’s intentionally victim blaming him or anything during this scene. she’s just as much of a child as he is. put a pin in that too! i got sited sources coming, but i can only put so many goddamn words and images in a single post.

so, i see the sentiment shared a lot that hussie just tacked on the abuse stuff at the end, and that the beginning of homestuck “was just a silly comic at the beginning it’s not that deep”. that is an objectively ill informed take, and now you know why! the entirety of homestuck’s themes are exploring the effects of child abuse and neglect, hence the name, home stuck. there’s a reason the protagonist who is able to save everyone, also has a seemingly perfect home life. notably, the only other character who’s a completely well adjusted nice person is nepeta. she’s also the only character who’s able to free roam as she pleases, has a loving lusus, and ironically, is the only character without a home/hive to begin with. once she makes into the game, her land is quite literally her cup of tea as well. these definitely aren’t coincidences. i hope your allegory alarms are going off right now!

the only reason homestuck is sillier in the beginning is solely because it was a fan lead project for the first few acts. back in the day, there were forums dedicated for audience input to decide what happens next in the story. fun fact: this is how a lot the characters names were decided as well! so there’s a reoccurring bit where (insert beta kid) does (something stupid) and then the plot just moves on (i.e. john’s HILARIOUS antics). those were the silly suggestions sent in by the fan community! that was back when the homestuck community was still pretty small, all things considered. this explains the wonky pacing in the first few acts, and the more comedic tone.

moving on, the reason the puppets and the katana fridge are used as symbols, is because yeah, the tone would be way too dark if they played that straight. however, there’s another reason that’s way more important. remember how homestuck is written with a deep pov, aka unreliable narration? (please don’t kill me pedantics police!!!) hussie uses deep pov to display how homestuck chacters see their parents/lusii, in order to convey the themes of the story. stick around a bit longer and i’ll explain the theme of homestuck! just let me explain something real quick, so you get the big picture.

bro is shown in a positive zany light because that’s how dave sees him. to dave, bro is his whacky older brother, and sure he’s a little out there, but ninja battles and puppets are sick as fuck, right? well we as the audience know that’s NOT the case. again, dave is literally starved on screen, and gets the shit beaten out of him, also on screen. this parallels rose’s relationship with her mom, who gives her everything she could ever want and need, but doesn’t fulfill rose’s emotional needs, so rose sees her as a some sort of spiteful cartoon villain. dave even calls this out the second he sees all the wizard stuff rose got from her mom.

meanwhile, you can see rose admit to liking the puppets here, and she says she’s a fan of bro’s pornbot websites as well.

ultimately, they both want what each other has, but aren’t really able to fully grasp why their own parents did what they did, much less each other’s parents, which leads to them both envying the toxic part of each other’s households. i’m sure you’re starting to see the big picture with the puppets now, so to send the point home, remember that image i showed you during dave and bro’s strife? well, bro is attacking dave with a puppet, and dave wants to abscond, but can’t, perfectly paralleling dave’s abuse to a puppet. furthermore, that’s why he’s surrounded by sex puppets specifically, and they’re all throughout his apartment. it’s all symbolism for how dave is trapped in home dealing with CSA.

this is the purpose of allegory, telling you something without directly showing it. i doubt any of us think homestuck would be better if this stuff was depicted literally, for all the obvious reasons. i’ll close out with this dialogue since it shows what i mean better than i ever could myself:

DAVE: why did i get such a raw cut of the asshole deck? and why did it take me so long to figure that out? and like hes dead now so thats that. so all thats left to do is look back and try to put the pieces together of my first 13 years, and all i can think is what the fuck WAS that?!

DAVE: i dont come away with the impression i used to try convincing myself of, that he was like "mysterious" or "stern" or "aloof". the only feeling left is this insane impression that i was raised by somebody who fuckin HATED me, and the whole act of even "raising a child" was some totally fucked up game to him.

DIRK: What… did he do?

DAVE: i dont want to get out the laundry list, but for reference laundry wasnt one of those things. that was just one of the many little domestic things i just had to sort of FIGURE OUT. sorta like i eventually had to learn what the REAL purpose of a refridgerator was from movies.

DIRK: Wait. What???

DAVE: i dunno theres too much to even get into. just- i dont remember the atmosphere ever not being nerve wracking. all havin to sneak around and... ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it.

DAVE: it was "training" you know?

DAVE: but you know what it really was, it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it

DAVE: it didnt make me stronger

DAVE: it did the opposite

DAVE: it made me never want to fight

DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds

DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism

(…)

DAVE: i know how it sounds but i am NOT joking and there is NO shred of doubt in my mind that he loved all those puppets more than me

so uh, this essay is already long enough, and you definitely want me to just say the theme by now, so let’s explain the rest of this allegory in optional bullet points that you should definitely still read.

rose liking the puppets is symbolism for how emotionally neglected children often end up subconsciously “wanting” terrible things to them, like abuse or self harm, so they can justify their own unhappiness with their lives, due to them not understanding that their emotional needs aren’t being fufilled. again, the myth of the perfect victim, starting during childhood specifically. rose does this by convincing herself that her mom hates her, rather than seeing that her mom is trying her best to parent, and failing miserably. rose is also unaware of her mother’s alcoholism, which symbolizes how she doesn’t understand that her mother is emotionally neglecting her. this parallels how dave is seemingly caught off guard by dirk’s sexuality, and thus bro’s sexuality, due to dave not processing that his abuse is sexual in nature.

jade’s love of plushies parallels dave’s love, and eventual hatred, for puppets. (once again, notice the red vs green. character foils!) this is because her neglect causes her to become extremely immature. when she’s a kid, this mostly just manifests as her liking children’s toys, and speaking with a childish affectation. however, this immaturity goes unchecked, leading to the epilogues, where she completely ruins dave and karkat’s relationship for her own sexual desires (paraphrasing). you could say the same for her secretly getting rose pregnant in hs^2, knowing kanaya will be upset when she finds out. basically, she has a huge emotional disregard for everyone around her, which stems from her almost complete isolation for most of her childhood. once again, emotional neglect leading to regression, more specifically maturity regression in her case, which makes sense when you remember she grew up raised by an actual dog. and interestingly, dogs have low emotional intelligence compared to other animals. jade herself becomes part dog while going godtier, right as she has to go into further isolation during the three year journey. dogtier symbolism! jadesprite also throws a tantrum when she’s created, right after being combined with a dog. more symbolism!

dirk loving cal is an allegory how he can’t let go of his own self abuse, which becomes extremely literal when he cuts his head off. something something symbolism. this is also foreshadowing his eventual role as the villain of the story once he achieves his ultimate self, and begins thrusting abuse onto others. after going ult, dirk ends up pushing jane into presidency, thus allowing a troll genocide to happen. it’s also worth mentioning jane r*pes jake in the epilogues, and while knowing this, dirk still supports her because he believes “the ends justify the means” during all of this. now he’s officially just as bad as bro at this point. i also wanna point out that this, once again, this makes dirk a huge foil to dave, with both of them helping their respective presidential picks to win the election. i believe this is hinting that dave will eventually be the one to defeat dirk, thus finally not letting his bro have power over him, or anyone else for that matter. remember how dave is a reference to luke skywalker? well the main villain of homestuck^2 is his father figure from another timeline/universe, so at this point, it seems like dave will have to be the one to do the killing blow on dirk, the same way luke did to vader. only time will tell. pun intended bitch. also, dirk’s shade of orange is right in between dave’s, and the yellow bloods, possibly symbolizing how dirk is doomed by the narrative just like sollux, mituna, and the Ψiioniic, combined with his own self abuse.

roxy has seemingly no affinity or hatred for puppets, dolls, or plushes, foreshadowing her failed assassination attempt on the batterwitch, and her short lived alcoholism. however, she does still have a pile of cat and wizard plushes in her room. roxy is probably the third most well adjusted character in all of homestuck, and had a pretty nice childhood all things considered! obviously it wasn’t perfect though, hence the short bout of alcoholism. all that fits into my puppet theory pretty well, implying that roxy made it to the end of her game due to her lack of alcoholism, unlike her alpha self, but just like rose. her shade of pink being the middle ground of dave and rose’s makes sense as well.

on davesprite’s timeline, his sprite prototypes with cal, and one of the birds who never left his apartment, symbolizing how he was unable to escape the trauma of his abuse and homelife. also another easter egg! crows are the smartest bird, and one of the smartest animals in the animal kingdom. this is symbolizing how dave is actually the smartest member of his session, which makes sense due to the sheer amount of math he does for his sylladex, despite bro not bothering with his homeschooling. this is why davesprite’s wings are clipped, to symbolize how his neglect and abuse ultimately made him worse off, rather than “being the air beneath his wings”. actual dave notably fights with a clipped sword, can you guess what that symbolizes? (hint: bro clipped the sword)

john interestingly fits into this as well, due to him receiving a harlequin doll for his birthday, and it later prototyping his kernelsprite. john hates clowns, and is the main character, which interestingly foils gamzee, who loves all things clown, and is relegated to a joke background character. let’s just put another pin in john and gamzee for now! i promise it will pay off.

but most importantly, lord english is the referred to as “the 8ig 8ad” by vriska (not a coincidence! think about spidermom!!!), and lil cal himself is referred to as the “most important character in homestuck”. notably, lord english is also the mind behind lil cal. this symbolizes how abuse is a central theme of homestuck, and the last trial the characters must overcome. that’s why rose stops drinking after the retcon, and why dave starts… doing something with karkat?

so there’s a huge elephant in the room! if we’re discussing davekat, we have to to mention the contentious reveal scene, don’t we? forgive me, but we have to address all the little nuances of this. so uh, remember dave’s anxious speaking habit we’ve established? well he starts blabbering when karkat immediately brings up his old black feelings for john, most likely implying he’s a little jealous/insecure about that. this is pretty normal, cause he’s still teenager at the end of the day. you can see it specifically in these two lines:

DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john

DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce

see? remember what i said about dave having trauma responses? this is it. he’s just anxious karkat might still like john, thus ruining their relationship, or uh, situationship at the time. he also might be projecting his romantic attraction to john onto karkat as well. then, he rambles a bunch of incoherent bullshit when john asks what his sexuality is. karkat is extremely embarrassed by this part of the conversation, yet he was able to calmly discuss his old crush on john. so this all comes to a head with the following dialogue:

JOHN: did you... like, date any boys?

DAVE: uh

JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor? well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him... that really only leaves... um, were you and karkat... ARE you and karkat, like. hmm.

this makes karkat officially loses it due to embarrassment, but i’ll spare you from that huge wall of text. next dialogue reads:

JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.

DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this

JOHN: ok.

so lets think. they aren’t dating, but they definitely did something kinda gay. notably, this parallels the “things” dave did with terezi pre-retcon, while still being tastefully vague. the idea that dave did some gay teenager shenanigans actually does make sense for his character arc, because it implies he’s comfortable enough now to try something like that now. though i do wanna emphasize that i’m not try to explicitly say they had sex, i’m just saying dave explored his sexuality. come to the conclusions you’re comfortable with here! hussie goes out of their way to not display or mention characters doing any sex acts while they are minors, and this is the closest we ever get to anything like that. there’s only one instance of making out even happening in homestuck, and it’s just jake making out with his avatar poster. well, unless you wanna count this i guess? considering everything we’ve gone over in this post, this is most definitely intentional.

through john’s retcons, the butterfly effect forces the dave and rose to address their respective childhood traumas, which leads to them being able to beat the game. same with davepetasprite finally giving jade the closure she needed right before she woke up. same with terezi fixing her relationship with vriska. karkat runs for president later, proving he’s got over his leadership trauma as well. that’s how you win sburb. john saving everyone with that retcon shows the central theme of homestuck: you can change at any point, and get through any hard times, as long as you have people in your life to help and support you. the retcon is great because it shows you how a timeline is doomed, so that way you can understand why they won.

EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense. not because i think you are lying... i just feel like there must still be a way to win! (…) also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!

so when dave and karkat start getting together, and do “stuff” on the meteor, that’s all the tasteful way of saying: dave was able to process things, and become more comfortable with himself. again, this totally could’ve just been making out, come to the conclusions you want. the vagueness is intentional.

notably, vriska, dirk, jake, gamzee, and jane are the only surviving characters to not address their trauma at all by the ending, which leads into their current arcs in homestuck^2 (or lack thereof in gamzee’s case). there’s also one more character, who we’ve carefully left pins in until now….

it’s time to address june egbert. spare the torches and pitchforks please! i’ve done a ridiculous amount of research, and there still doesn’t seem to be a proper explanation for june egbert from either a homestuck fan or a creator behind homestuck, so i’ll bare the cross of this explanation. from here on out, i’ll still say both names interchangeably for pedantic reasons, but that’s solely because this is still in a weird state of schrödinger’s canon, and hs^2 is pretty much it’s own thing in itself. but i’m a trans woman so w/e. once again, spare the pitchforks! please!

the reason why her being trans works is because john/june spent the whole series so focused on saving everyone else, that she never focused on herself, or thought too deeply about anything. that’s kind of her thing, taking everything at face value, and not thinking too deeply about herself (i wonder why… ♾️). this is even pointed out by dave himself during The Davekat Scene™:

DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is… i dont think its all as simple as you think it is, or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much, due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids

JOHN: i,

JOHN: hm.

so you see the set up here right? the character who i was referring to, who still hadn’t processed their childhood? it’s important to realize that june/john has never actually had a character arc herself, because her story is told via the hero’s journey structure, not a typical three act story structure like almost every other character receives in their arcs. ever notice how homestuck is constantly compared to the odyssey or the iliad? that’s why! this all means, june/john is a plot motivated character, rather than a self motivated one, again, like almost the rest of the entire cast. it makes sense for her to have to start self introspection once the game is over, she never really had the chance to while saving everyone else. interestingly, vriska’s arc is told in the format of the hero’s journey as well. dave/davebot’s arc in the epilogues and hs^2 is also told in the format of the hero’s journey. he seems to be in between “woman as the temptress” (aka jade) and the “atonement” stage, which would most definitely be finally seeing karkat again, something hs^2 is still building up to. this makes sense for all three characters, seeing as being a “hero” plays huge parts of all of their respective storylines.

i also wanna bring up the clown stuff again, and more specifically, gamzee. even more specifically, this amazing analysis by @abcq2:

before murderstuck, gamzee has no idea that he is a clown. sure, he anoints his face with greasepaint, rides a unicycle, and juggles, but these are serious religious sacraments to him. and, sure, sometimes he trips on his giant floppy shoes and lands face first in a pie, but that's just being blessed with a miracle, because he was just thinking about pie. and, sure, sometimes his friends say things like "HEY ASSHOLE. CLOWN ASSHOLE. YOU WORSHIP A CLOWN RELIGXON. FOR CLOWNS." to him, but he's too zonked on sopor slime to extract any meaning from it. when gamzee sees the ICP miracles video, he's too sober to dismiss it as a mere coincidence; for once, he gets the joke, and realises that he was the butt of the joke the whole time. he understands that every time he fell face first in a pie, it was the work of an unsen riddler. he grasps that he is, in a cosmic sense, a clown, and hates it. (…) when the murder spree is over, gamzee's beatific grin returns; no longer a look of blank ignorance, but a knowing smirk. he's successfully ruined his character forever - no one wants to see him and no one thinks he's funny. hussie seems to say: jesus you are such a shitty clown. and gamzee's impassive face seems to say: i know. gamzee refuses to clown out of spite, and hussie refuses to remove gamzee from the story out of spite. it's a committed relationship of reciprocal, mutual antagonism. what i'm saying is that hussie and gamzee ar-

once again, all credit for this gamzee analysis goes to @abcq2, please check them out!!!

so i’ll cut straight to the chase, mostly due to me getting close to tumblr’s character limit. the clowns are an allegory/symbol of being transgender. it’s impossible to ignore. remember that game i told you about? psycholonials? if you’ve ever played it, you’d know that clowns and transgenderism are tied up together in one big scene. i won’t spoil the game, it’s really good! check it out! this parallels homestuck, where june has always been associated clowns. not a coincidence. once you fit gamzee into this equation, it’s clear that gamzee’s “clown” dysphoria is a stand in for gender dysphoria. read the analysis above one last time and tell me i’m wrong. hussie themself has only posted themself in clown makeup since 2020, this started exactly half a year before they unofficially came out as non-binary via a homestuck announcement. they also tweeted that they use any pronouns shortly afterwards, on a private (?) twitter account. it’s also worth mentioning that one of the few of photos of hussie that we have, they were in ICP/juggalo stuff just like gamzee, and this photo was taken in october of 2010, mere months after gamzee’s introduction, and possibly a month or less after act 5 act 1 was finished. if you know anything about this image, or tumblr user @dead12234352356456775, please message me! this blog is the earliest place the picture can be tracked to, and i’d love to ask OP if they know anything about this image. hussie has notably referred to themselves “clown gender” as well. it’s unclear to me whether hussie actually likes icp, or if this is one huge coming out ARG, but either way, clowns = trans, got it?

so when john/june have a clown sprite following her around, it’s an allegory for how the trans stuff is literally in her face, but she can’t understand it!

“but there’s no textual evidence of john wanting to be a girl!!” see, we’ve officially waded deep all the way into the murkey grey waters of nuance. so if you don’t know, june is the embodiment of what us trans women refer to as the “pre-egg crack”, aka, the phase before you realize you’re trans. this phrase applies to all trans people, but trans women use/identify with it the most, just cause we usually come out way later, usually around say, 20-23, like john/june is by the end of homestuck! huh, what a coincidence. in all seriousness, this is because most trans women start their transitions when they first live on their own. john/june’s also a computer scientist by hobby, something a lot of trans women do. this is because trans women are one of the smallest minority groups, so we usually have to go resort to online communities to talk to each other. this is also necessary for a lot of us, due to research on hrt not really being as advanced as it should be, and the fact transitioning is still illegal/hard to access in a lot of areas. trans women are also likely to stay inside on our computers cause yknow… dysphoria. plus computer jobs often have decent pay, low barrier to entry, and require little to no interaction with other people in person, making them perfect to both medically and socially transition. sure, june never outright says “i want to wear a dress” or laments about dysphoria, but again, homestuck is by adults for adults. the story shouldn’t have to explain something like this to you. the only reason you had the impression that there’s no evidence of john being trans is because you weren’t educated on the subject matter, but now you are!

“you’re just projecting onto this character!!!” and you are too! again, that’s how everyone engages with art. to think you don’t do the same yourself is foolish. utter poppycock even! however, i really despise this sentiment. the fact i’m a trans woman makes me the most qualified to speak on this subject, not the other way around. who are you to speak on the experiences of trans women? exactly. i’m tired of us trans women being berated for headcanoning characters as trans women, even when it’s extremely obvious why we do as such. it’s always the boils back down to the same bullshit in response: “well actually YOU’RE the transphobic one for saying all trans women look/act the same!!!” *sigh* that is literally the definition of an identity. you sound dumb, and are speaking over actual trans women, whose opinions are infinitely more important than yours when it comes to this subject. this is literally just the “what is a woman” debate repackaged with the guise of liberalism. it’s annoying.

“all this june stuff came out of nowhere!!!” this headcanon became prevalent during the pandemic, where tons of trans people were able to start their transitions! i did this myself, and so did hussie. doesn’t seem so random now, does it?

“hussie is just doing this for woke/fandom points!!!” uh, and what would they be gaining by making john trans? if this was about making money, wouldn’t the merch link on the official website work? hussie makes visual novels now, and has removed themselves from homestuck as much as feasibly possible, while still maintaining their ownership of the IP. not exactly the most lucrative career path. and if you’re implying hussie is adding any element to homestuck simply to please fans (yes, that includes davekat), you obviously know nothing about hussie. go on reddit, read ANY responses to the epilogues, or the plot of homestuck^2, and tell me when you find the tons of people happy with their contents. oh, and see how homestuck fans feel about kankri and cronus while you’re at it. i’ll wait.

“okay but the toblerone stuff is dumb!!!” at no point before the june wish did hussie say that finding a toblerone would give the finder the power to make a canon-altering wish. as you can see here, all of the wishes weren’t even granted, some of which have no impact on canon at all. if hussie wanted to, they were well within their rights to go “yeah no, this is dumb, sorry” when the wish for june egbert was sent in. this means that june egbert already fit into hussie’s idea of canon, and as i’ve already pointed out, june egbert has properly been foreshadowed, so this all adds up. the idea that hussie “turned john transgender because of a toblerone” is an exaggeration of events perpetuated by losers misguided and ill informed fans. hussie has been sent an insurmountable amount of headcanons over the years, and aysha u farah, who has had major involvement for multiple homestuck projects over the years, has said “the only headcanon i've ever seen andrew get excited about is june egbert” on a now defunct podcast called perfectly generic podcast. (forgive me, but any links to the specific episode i’m finding no longer work due to their official website no longer working. i’m not listening to hundreds of hours of an archived podcast for this minuscule of a clip. be my guest if you want to take that on! once again, message me, and i’ll update this section.)

either way, based on everything we know, june egbert is canon because hussie wanted this prior to the toblerone wish, because if the wish contradicted or retconned canon, it wouldn’t have been granted in the first place. simply put, june egbert is canon because it’s want hussie wanted to begin with, and the wish came after that. once again, the sheer amount of foreshadowing here should be more than enough proof, and if you want more even more proof of june egbert foreshadowing, check out this blog post! it’s great!

“well it’s dumbledore logic!!!!!!!!!” is it though? j.k. rowling is a transphobic bigot, who’s works cost money to access, who confirmed dumbledore was gay only after he died, and then she still straight-washed him in future harry potter media. hussie is an actual trans person, running an indie project, who wrote one of the longest literary works in the entire english language, made it all free to access, supports all fan archives, and hasn’t even ended homestuck^2, where john/june is very much alive. and once again, the wishes were to add something to post canon content specifically, without shifting the canon of the main series. homestuck^2 is still updating, and as far as we know now, more projects are on the way, like the completion of hs^2 and hiveswap. these situations have almost nothing in common aside from deriving from twitter. if you’re mad about this, were you mad when jake was confirmed to be brazilian in a youtube livestream comment? or when gamzee’s red crush on tavros was confirmed via a dubiously canon comic? probably not. eh, maybe you were actually, i don’t know you. either way, feel how you wanna feel about jake being brazilian, i don’t care, but you can’t say there was “nothing building up to june egbert” now that you’ve read this essay. the dumbledore comparison is dumb as hell.

“well i’m trans and i don’t feel represented by june!!!” if you’re “feeling unrepresented” by june, it’s probably just because you’re not a trans woman obsessed with computer science. that’s just you not relating to the character. it’s really not much deeper than that. and on that point…

“well i just don’t like this!!!” with all due respect, you seriously need to put thought into why that is. i can’t think of a single non-transphobic to be upset about a character transitioning in a story. and again, homestuck is one of the longest literary works in the entire language, and is completely free to access. in all of homestuck history, not a single product was sold under the guise that “john will be cisgender forever” or “dave will not end up with karkat” or “jake will never be brazilian”. hussie doesn’t owe anyone any part of their story’s canon. it’s their story, full stop, and if you’re mad about that, you’re entitled to something that was never yours to begin with. not all art is made purely for your consumption, and free art is especially not made for your consumption. can you critique it? absolutely. there’s a big difference between criticism and bashing though. if you don’t like any part of homestuck, write a fan fiction, make some fanart, or write an oddly soapboxy essay about your personal fan theories and headcanons. turn that negative energy to make something positive! i’m being serious! hussie themself encourages this!!!

“okay but it’s still lame the davekat stuff happened off screen” i can agree to a certain extent, but dave and karkat’s relationship plays a major part in the epilogues, as well as homestuck^2, and that’s not even unpacking their weird borderline black rom dynamics pre-retcon. to act as though their romance starts and stops during one intermission really downplays how seriously their relationship is taken throughout the homestuck series.

“okay but isn’t a lot of that stuff dubiously canon?” baby, everything is canon. hussie has said so themself. there are infinite possibilities for what could have happened during homestuck, so maybe we should just focus on the fact it’s taken seriously at all? honestly, the line between dubiously canon and actual canon is paper thin. homestuck^2’s entire plot is currently deconstructing what canon even means. if you wanna only see the main series as canon, be my guest, but the accusations of homophobia and queerbaiting over the davekat reveal are a little ridiculous. their relationship plays a major part in all homestuck content for years now. also, big reminder that, with the reveal of june egbert, there’s now only one canonically straight character from the main series, and she’s a villain now, so…

“well you’re just strawmanning me now!!!” my loyal reader, i understand you are a human being with infinite nuances i will never be able to understand, cause quite frankly, i have no clue who you are to begin with. i don’t think everyone who hates davekat or june egbert is some anti-lgbt bigot. i’m just here to set the record straight, and provide context for people who are willing to listen. a lot of this shit is confusing, and there’s misinformation a plenty out there. most people who are participating in this discussion clearly haven’t bothered reading homestuck for years at this point, possibly even a decade. and that’s fair, most of us read it as kids, and probably stopped by the final update, if not sooner. honestly, i think the main issue here is that people are playing the telephone game via fandom discourse. that’s how we went from “hussie supports june egbert” to “hussie made john being transgender canon cause of a candy bar” in the first place. if you’re participating in this discussion, maybe try rereading homestuck before you let your vague memories of reading the comic years ago define your current day opinions? besides, i’m not delusional enough to think any bigots are going to read this post and be convinced, but i’m sure i can open up the minds and eyes of people who are willing to listen! give homestuck a reread, imagine how much more foreshadowing has gone unnoticed over the years!

i feel the need to be so thorough, bust out so many references, break down every bit of nuance, and speak from my own experiences, because inevitably, a small group of people are gonna read this post and still go “it’s not that deep! they’re just puppets! june egbert is a bunch of sjw malarkey!!!”, and to those people, i hope you stop making fandom spaces miserable because you didn’t wanna pay attention in english class. media analysis is a necessary tool, and i’m sorry our education system here in america failed both you and i. (or maybe your a non-american country has english classes as terrible as ours? idk.)

honestly, i think i read like five or six books in throughout of all high school. i failed english my freshman year, and dropped out by my senior year. there’s always room to grow though! look at how i’m able to write this essay now! all you have to do is just watch some video essays that break down your favorite movies, tv shows, books, and more!!! there’s tons of jackasses like me who will lament about their hyperfixations. plus, now you already know what symbolism, the rule of three, and allegories are! before you know it YOU’LL be the one noticing all of the easter eggs in the media you enjoy, just like us the rest of us pretentious media analysis fuckheads.

i’m sure all of us are old enough to remember how exciting it was when rosemary was first confirmed, or when the dirkjake kiss happened, or all the recent stuff with davekat. and guess what, june egbert is going to be that lots of young trans women! after reading all of this, is hating june egbert the hill you’re gonna die on?

you know, hussie practically uses homestuck as their personal diary. i don’t think anyone’s denying that. it shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to understand why they want their main character to be trans, or why they wanted dave to end up with karkat. maybe you’re just not willing to understand it? if we’re allowed to project on to these characters, then why won’t you let hussie?

if you got to the bottom of this post, thanks for reading! i might turn this into a video essay if i’m being honest, but if you wanna repost this, or make your own response, please just credit me! also check out my homestuck fanworks if you like this post, i’m sure you’ll like them too!!! i don’t really have anything else to promote so uh…. if you’re on the homestuck^2 team and read this…pleasefortheloveofgodiwouldkilltoworkonanofficialhomestuckprojectidontevencarewhowhenwhenwhereorhowbutillsettleforanytjingpLEdareplelaplwlalsplelallaldle

in all seriousness, thanks for reading! i doubt this post will take off simply due to how long it is. i’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and opinions on this, or possibly make mutuals to yap with even! dear lord i miss having friends to talk about homestuck with. also sorry for the censors, normally i wouldn’t bother with something like that, but i’ve been working on this non-stop for the past few days, so i don’t wanna risk it being taken down.

anyways….. THAT’S why i have the bro strider tag muted 😭

(EDIT ON 9/15/24: added a new source i found and fixed some minor grammatical errors)

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