#i lied ill never be over it
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lesbicosmos · 2 years ago
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every time i think im over the haunting of bly manor i see an edit of dani and jamie that just breaks my heart all over again
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undefeatablesin · 3 months ago
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I was consumed by the need to see P in that incredible mask from Lisrim's original music video lmao 💫
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angelnumber27 · 7 months ago
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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skunkes · 1 year ago
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ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page
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tamaharu · 1 year ago
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oh please share your thoughts on titans curse percabeth.... we'd love to hear them
okay one thing about the titans curse is that it is the thematic turning point of the entire series. prior to the titans curse, pjo treated its topics seriously, but tlt and som both have a.. lightness to them. more comedic. just dipping our toes in. no one dies.
but ttc is remarkably different from the previous two. darker. set in winter to function as a true middle-point. characters begin to die. percy declares himself the child of the prophecy. this is when things begin to actually happen.
and one of the things that start happening is: annabeth and percys relationship starts tipping into one more overtly romantic.
while i enjoy established relationships, in stories, i really enjoy that bit beforehand. the implication it brings. annabeth is gone for the majority of the titans curse, but the whole book is defined by percys love for her, both platonically and in a way that even he only begins to realize is romantic. the new seriousness of the book also leads to moments that are more charged.
i love botl/tlo percabeth and their messy love triangle yuri and broiling hate and loyalty they think cant be acted on because someones going to end up dead, and i love they do get together! i had their underwater kiss as my phone background for like a year!
but their relationship in the titans curse - especially after they meet again, having both held up the world - just has such a new, melancholy feel to it. one of my favorite pjo quotes comes from the titans curse, and it really encapsulates why i like their dynamic in it so much better than i did here:
"So I took her hand, and I don't know what everybody else heard, but to me it sounded like a slow dance: a little sad but maybe a little hopeful, too."
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revenge-of-the-assbutt · 23 days ago
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i feel sick
#every time i think im over her#that she cant hurt me anymore#days like tuesday happen and i miss her so fucking much#i just want my mom#not this narcissist that replaced her when i was 11#i know she was like this before just to my dad#but i just want the mom that drove me to school every morning and took me to seaworld and the schools pta game night and did pizza fridays#i want to call her and hug her and have her tell me that its all going to be alright#but it wont#and that mom doesnt exist#maybe she never did#fuck i cant do this anymore#i was doing so fucking well#i was so fucking happy#why did she have to ruin it with her 40 essay-texts and email stalking?#and the boys are home now too#and i have to act like their mother didnt just force her way back into my life to bring up memories that make me want to claw my chest open#i have to act happy as my youngest brother gets his phone blown up with texts i know are from her#when i know that shes targeting him now that i left#like she did to me when my dad left her when i was 11#i cant do this anymore#i just cant#i cant spend my days throwing up in the school bathroom and crying myself to sleep and burying myself in shows to not feel anything real#i keep feeling like the other shoe is going to drop#that shes going to come to my college and tell her lies to everyone and ill lose all my friends and everyone who matters to me#and i cant even block her because she controls my fucking health insurance#the last time i talked to her she threatened to file for conservatorship#i cant do that
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doomedclockworkdotmp3 · 1 month ago
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heyyy girl hyd
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gorillaxyz · 4 months ago
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last night i was sad because im autistic and no one around me has the same niche interests and i dont really have any proper friends. but now im thinking 😒 if no one near me fucks with richard nixon or my oc x canon/self shipping REALNESS or anything else about me then maybe nobody here deserves me
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dream-sans-mogai · 8 months ago
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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...
They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.
I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...
If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.
#clover speaks#clover vents#its ok they said just do whats best for you they said#and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me#and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass#it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap#its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice#they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards#even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me#its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder#i get the look aways and the silence#they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to#i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE#FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON#IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS#i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what#im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose#as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot#fuck allistic people man#im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe#im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it#no matter what i do or how much i try to express it#i feel things i love people im not a robot#this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any#i dont want or need any more allistic judgement
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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I’m working on the aoki blog after my birthday I prommy you don’t have to fall to being the third </333
bestie with the HIGHEST form of respect isnt your birthday the end of february (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
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femmefaggot · 1 year ago
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babybabymerrychristmas · 2 years ago
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sometimes i forget that tumblr has conservatives on here bro
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trans-li-ling · 2 years ago
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idc if Fu Shi is literally the most normal guy ever who just loves his GF I do NOT trust him and it doesn't matter if the event tries to tell me he's normal and just some fucking dude I'm GOING to psychically flay him.
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snekdood · 2 months ago
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i wanna know where ppl got this idea that im like infinitely praised or something so i need to be constantly humbled bc like... im kinda the only one out here supporting and validating me and I have been like my whole life so......
#who is this for#can you just say you wanna abuse me and go#vent#yeah im overly confident and i have a persona whos full of himself. kinda gotta be when you're the only one giving yourself confidence#in the first place.#all ik is if i was infinitely praised i would have never started cutting myself.#im quite literally the only one keeping myself alive emotionally and mentally. im like howls house at the end of howls moving castle#when its slowly falling apart and just BARELY making it by#the fact you're able to mistake my confidence as some sort of cultivated thing by people in my life should tell you how this has#been going on since i was a child and ive needed to build my own confidence. ive had to become my own parent.#it seems cultivated because *i* cultivated it.#otherwise i wouldve just let everything everyone said about me make me kill myself even if theyre literally just being judgemental assholes#when you have no one who counters that in your life you gotta be that for yourself.#i promise- most likely whatever you've come up with to try to humble me with ive already 'humbled' myself plenty over.#unless. of course. its some bullshit you believe from someone who abused me and has to create a narrative of their ultimate victimhood#so you think im some sort of mastermind manipulator abuser or something. then no ofc i havent humbled myself over that#bc theres nothing to be humbled over. ill get back to you when i actually do that shit.#theres already plenty to criticize we dont gotta make shit up to hate me over you losers.#if you feel like its not good enough justification to hate me as much as you do w/o believing lies then maybe you need to learn#how to not invest that much energy into hating other people that you need to literally believe bullshit to justify it
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msmisthios · 3 months ago
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i finished tlou2 thats it thats the tweet
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xiaojaan · 4 months ago
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i sometimes genuinely wonder if people feel no remorse guilt etc
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