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bluedalahorse · 5 months ago

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August for the character breakdown game!

Or if someone else already named him, how about [one secondary character of your choice] from YR?

August you asked for, and August you shall receive! I was hoping someone would ask me about him, and I’m really glad you did.

How I feel about this character: Good lord. The absolute perfect storm of what this character did to my psyche. I am not going to lie that I spent a lot of first season (and significant parts of second and third) screaming at him. And sometimes he makes me really mad at him even now! At the same time, he’s well-written and well-acted and terribly interesting, and I have wanted him to be able to figure stuff out and fix his life from the moment I learned that his father died by suicide and he’s dealing with traumatic grief. I have wanted to climb through the TV screen and pluck him out of an environment like Hillerska. August is such a fascinating example of the way the system fails even those it’s supposed to protect. I just want to break him out of the system, and write him into new situations. In conclusion, what a tragic blorbo I seem to have acquired. (Totally valid if he isn’t other people’s but I see why he’s mine.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: First and foremost, Sara. I have a weakness for them as two weirdos who see a similar sort of loneliness and want in one another, who get drawn together even though there are plenty of reasons that that’s a bad idea. There are so many stories that can be written about them still. I think Sara breaking up with August was where their relationship needed to be at the end of season three, but I’m not ruling out futures-with-growth-and-therapy or alternate universes. They have the potential to be just as epic as any other pairing on the show! Outside of Sara… well, in my Nils post I talked about how much I ship August/Nils, and how there’s so much there that is currently untapped by fandom. And then Simon/August and Alexander/August are ideas that intrigue me, even though those are more in the realm of deliberate disaster fics.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I came out of season 3 really enjoying the terrible preppy boy friendship trio so August and Nils and Vincent’s friendship dynamic fascinates me. As someone who went to an odd little college with a lot of traditions, I could relate to it a lot. The people who’ve been in close quarters with you, who you’ve had fun with, but who you’ve also been jealous of and you’re constantly on one another’s nerves… man. I really felt seen by that kind of complexity! I also have to admit I have a soft spot for August and Wille’s relationship, since Malte and Edvin have a lot of chemistry together, and because it seems like August and Wille’s healing is so interdependent. I could talk about that for ages, really.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I cannot even pick one to share because I’m fairly sure most of my opinions about August are unpopular. Liking August itself, in a way a fan does where you want to write fanfic focused on him or ship him with other characters or envision a more healed future for him—even if you repeatedly write multiple paragraph disclaimers about the harm that he did—kind of feels unpopular. And I wish it was a little less unpopular. And maybe my unpopular opinion is that the unpopularity of this opinion (August is indeed worthy of our fannishness) is not wholly by accident. I have no beef with the portion of fandom that just doesn’t particularly like him and doesn’t care to explore him in fanworks. Sometimes you don’t like the dark-haired Byronic asshole and that’s a valid personal preference! And for some people, engaging with August as a character isn’t something they can do with full emotional safety, and I would never want people to have to engage with him if that’s the case for them. He does do legitimate harm. At the same time, there is also a second current in fandom that is actively hostile to fans engaging with August in a fannish way, that uses language in a way that reduces him to his absolute worst deeds and does bad faith readings of any post that dares to explore him beyond the harm he does. I’ve heard stories of sargust edits on TikTok getting endless hate comments, and talked to writers who’ve wanted to write August-centric fic but figured it wouldn’t be worth not getting many hits. I’ve watched an adorable video where Edvin and Malte get interviewed together, only to see that the comments section was full of fans demanding Omar be in the video and not Malte. And I’m just thinking… why are people tearing stuff like this down? Why get angry about there being the bare minimum of nuanced August content out there? It’s not erasing any of the tens of thousands of Wilmon fics and edits. It’s not giving August more screentime in the show or having him take over as main character because the show is already finished. The way that Sara (and by extension Frida) gets caught in the crossfire is doubly upsetting. The lack of August and sargust and nilgust fanworks may be partially due to lack of interest on the part of some fans, but I can’t ignore that active hostility on the part of other fans has also played a role in who sticks around fandom and what they create. And that makes me terribly terribly sad. Because I look at other fandoms and it looks like they have more room for nuanced approaches. Like Interview with the Vampire fandom is having so much fun with Devil’s Minion and I don’t think we have anything like that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish August and Simon had more of a chance to interact in season 3 without Wille there. I’ve talked before about how Wille and Simon have fundamentally different issues with August, and that they aren’t actually as united against him as Wille seems to think when he gets all hypermasculine and protective. I don’t actually think Simon and August could have resolved all their issues in one season, and they might not be able to period. But they might benefit from some kind of restorative conversations, even if those end in a place of non-closure. And there’s a lot that’s similar in their experiences that they don’t even know about. The worst thing is, it feels like the show is aware of this, and maybe had some moments in mind, but then cut them. Like why have that scene in 2.3 where August tells Vincent to shut up when Vincent’s being awful to Simon? Why have Simon be the one who names August’s eating disorder? I feel like they were meant to have more, and maybe it got cut because it didn’t involve Wilhelm. And honestly that makes me so sad, too.

This got horrendously long-winded and I apologize. But hopefully my answers were worth reading!

#young royals #august horn of årnäs #asks

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melanatedeuph0ria · 5 months ago

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my initial thoughts on the bear s3 (having only gotten to ep 5)

im not even mad ab the whole sydcarmy breakdown in s3 rn I’m just like disappointed because what the fuck man

I’m only on ep 5 and I’m not gonna lie to y’all if this was as good and actually interesting as season 2 I’d be eating it up and binging that shit as much as I did last year. Well now I rlly can’t because I just HAD to rewatch the show w my parents so now that means I have to wait until they’re in the mood to watch it to watch it with them so I don’t feel like I’m betraying them for watching episodes on my own (mostly my mom tbh) but like ts is NOT speaking to me man

like I NEVER use “man” at the end of my sentences like that only when I’m actually exasperated and fucking tired of the shit something or somebody is pulling

Like FROM WHAT IVE SEEN this season has only showed me that like OKAY I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE FAKS IM JUST SEEING THEM WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH LIKE…WHY IS JOHN CENA HERE STOP TRYING TO MAKE SHIT INTERESTING BY INSERTING RANDOM FUCKING CELEBRITIES INTO YO SHIT FIRST OF ALL

SECONDLY I’m pissed with how CARMY IS TREATING MY BEAUTIFUL BLACK QUEEN PRINCESS DUCHESS SYDNEY

Like what happened man 😕

It was legitimately going so so so SO WELL IN SEASON TWO

LIKE I HAD HOPE INDISPUTABLE HOPE ABOUT THEM GETTING TOGETHER

LIKE HUH

but then this WHITE MAN has the nerve to treat her like GARBAGE

FIRST FROM GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH RICHIE FOR NO FUCKING REASON CAUSING RICHIE TO FALL OVER AND SPILL ALL OF THE HARD EXPO ORDER WORK SYDNEY WAS WORKING ON

LIKE I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE BYE RESTAURANT WITH NO FUCKING SIGN ON THE FRONT LIKE WHO DO YALL THINK YALL AREEE

ALSO I FIND IT DISRESPECTFUL AS HELL

DISRESPECTFUL THAT THIS NIGGA IS ASKING HER “WHAT DO I DO WITH CLAIRE???” LIKE LMAO WHY NOBODY GIVE A FUCK

I THINK IM MOVING TO THE SIDE OF THE ARGUMENT THAT SYDNEY DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS MAN

AND I WIULDVE THOUGHT HE WOULDVE BEEN AT LEAST A LITTLE, MAYBE A LITTLE MORE GENTLRR WITH HER DURING COOKING TOME OR WHAGEVER TF BUT HE STILL JUST AS GORDON RAMSAY-ISH WITH HER LIKE WITH ANYONE

WTF DID WE DO STORER

LIKE WHY R U BEING A BITCH ABOUT SYDCARMY SHIPPERS LIKE U JUST PUT A BIG ASS HOLE IN THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP

LIKE OKAY THEY DONT HAVE TO GET TOGEHRHER WHATEVER IF THEY DONT ILL STILL BE PISSED BUT WHATEVER

BUT I FEEL LIKE

UGH IDK

I CAME TO SEE A LIL ROMANCE THE NITTY GRITTY. LIKE EW HOW THE HELL ARE YALL GOING TO BE SHOWING CLAIRE AND CARMY KISSING IN THE DARK LIKE I DONT CARE WHAT TYPE OF WORK SHE DOES I DONT GAF AB WHAT SHE DO FOR WORK LIKE I APPRECIATE HER BEING A NICE PERSON TO THESE KIDS AND STUFF BUT CMON

CARMY AINT CALL HER NOT ONCE THIS WHOLE TIME IVE BEEN WATCHING

RICHIE IS THE ONLY ONE IM FR INTERESTED IN MARCUS TOO BECAUSE HE TRYNA DO SOME EXPERIMENTAL SHIT OUTSIDE OF THIS STRSSSFUL ASS ENVIRONMENT

AND SINCE WHEN DID THEY STILL OPERATE THE BEEF?!? I THOUGHT THEY CLOSED THAT SINCE WHRN IS A BRANCH OF THAT STILL OPERATING AND WHY IS ONLY EBRA IN CHARGE?!?

I THOUGHT THEY BUILT OVER THE RESTAURANT AND TURNED IT INTO WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS NOW I MIGHTA MISSED A PLOT POINT BUT I DONT REMEMBER THAT EVEN BEING SAID

ALSO WHI IS THAT MAN WHO WALTZED INTO THE BEAR REASTUARSNT AND WAS TALKING W CARMY AS HE WAS CUTTING SOME SHIT AND WHO ALSO WAS AT THE WINDOW OF THE BEEF LIKE WHO ARE YOU HO LIKE R U A FAK OR WHAT BITCH

CARMY IS JUST TOO SAME OLD SAME OLD FOR ME LIKE CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES

LIKE I UNDERSTAND RICHIE ON THE FIRST EP LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO U MEAN UR SORRY WHEN U LITERALLY CALLED ME A LEECH FOR WANTING TO BE INCLUDED IN THIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE ONE TO RLLY CALL HIS OWN?!?!? LIKE CARMY CAN YOU CHILL OUT THIS MAN ACTUALLY LOVES YOU NO PAWSE

from what I’ve watched already its okay NOT TO SAY THE ACTORS ARE BECAUSE THE ACTORS DID AN INCREDIBLE PERFOMANCE AS USUAL LIKE THEIR SKILLS ARE STILL GREAT BUT I DONT LIKE WHAT THEY HAVE YALL DOIN WITH THAT AND ITS PISSING ME AWFF DONT PMOOOOO

ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR DO I FEEL LIKE THE BLACK CHARACTERS ARENT GETTING SHIT THIS SEASON

LIKE MARCUS AND TINA..OKAY OKAY THEY GOT THEY LIL EPISODES

BUT WHAT AB NOW IN THE PRESENT

I THINK WHO IM MAINLY TALKING AB IS SYD, EBRA, AND GARY I DAMN NEAR FORGOT HIS NAME BECAUSE WE NEVER EVER EVERRRR SEE HIM. EVER.

LIKE I ACTUALLY LIKE HIS CHARACTER I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HIM HE SEEMS COOL

okay main points:

* syd deserves better

* syd needs to stop being a lil mean to her dad idk I might be soft but like (it HAD to be said cs why r u being so rude to him for having genuine concerns about this murky ass apartment u finna dig into yo pockets to pay for?? ALSO this sussy ass partnership w this man liiiiiioke…)

* they seemed to care more ab carmys failing and anticlimactic relationship with claire than marcus’s late mother (ALSO I couldn’t help but notice SYDNEY was the only one, THE ONLY ONE who came to support this man as they were cleaning his mom’s hospice equipment out of his house…LIKE YALL HAVE NOTHING TO DO COME HELP??? like okay they came to his funeral which I appreciate y’know but still that part irks me)

* ts feels like filler at its finest somebody already said that but I felt like it had to be restated, like if CLAIRE YO

* IF CLAIRE IS THE MAIN DAMN PLOT POINT FOR THIS NIGGA CARMY RN AND IS THE ONE DRIVING HIM TO DO ALL THIS CRAZY NONNEGOTIABLE SHIT TO GET HIS MIND OFF OF IT IM DONE

* okay I’m done thank y’all for listening

* also I’m writing this on my notes app so I just copied it over

*ok bye y’all ty for listening !!! :3

UPDATE: I just read a few posts on here giving different perspectives and now I feel like I might’ve missed some stuff 😭

like maybe this is just setting it up to LOOK LIKE syd and carmy aren’t ever happening just to make season 4 and have them

idk how to even end that sentence

#the bear #the bear season 3 #icantwiththisnewseasonyall #isitcrazyformetosaythat #like ugh #ihadmyhopesupmanbecauseyknowwhowouldsaytheresnoromanceintheshowADAYBEFOREITSRELEASE?!?likeitsoundedliekitwassupposedtobeasurrpriseatfirstbu #sydcarmy #sydcarmyisgoingdownhillandwe’rewitnessingitLIVE #hello dubai #zontplaywme #you mean to tell me #imadeawholeplaylistforthisshipforitnottoevenmanifestintothebearreality?!?#likeimightjustHAVEtopickuprealityshftingsoicancomeoverthereandslapsomeshitintocarmy #U FINNA FUMBLE THIS BAD BITCH

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emmedoesntdomath · 10 months ago

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the thing about the pjo series that just like. bugs me a little is the way that percy seems to realize everything 10x faster, especially related to greek myth.

“percy isn’t stupid, why are you pretending that he is-“ I’m not. I’m saying that in the books, he isn’t as tuned into greek mythology. in the books, he goes through a step-by-step process of thinking (that we can SEE) as he grasps concepts at a normal, non-athenian rate. of course he’s not stupid. that’s not what I’m saying at all.

my issue is that because it’s a tv show and not a book- we can’t follow his thoughts. we have no idea what’s going on in his head. we don’t get the mental breakdown that subtly explains what’s going on to us, as readers, as viewers. obviously, we can’t have that, not really. and as experienced members of the fandom, that’s completely fine. we don’t need an explanation. we know what’s happening. we know who that monster is. we know their story.

but to new viewers?

this is all batshit.

i was watching the most recent episode with someone who hadn’t read the books. totally chill, right? and then percy walks into crusty’s and goes, “I know who you are. you’re procrustes.” with zero build up. and my friend goes, “who?”

he didn’t know who procrustes was. he still didn’t, by the end of the scene. he just knew that he was now trapped in a bed sheet. none of it made any sense at all to him. because guess what? we didn’t get percy’s explanation. and again, we couldn’t really get that. but the writers COULD HAVE made percy and annabeth have a conversation about who procrustes was like they did in the book. they COULD have provided some more background knowledge.maybe little details were thrown in here and there, but there was too little to grasp everything, even if you did know what was going on.

it’s not about “making a character smarter” or “making them less dumb”. it’s about turning a form of media that is known for being so incredibly welcoming and inclusive and well-thought out that ANYONE could pick up a book with no prior knowledge and still follow along and understand into something that feels like it’s only for the kids who took the time to legitimately study greek mythology. it’s about turning a character- who isn’t stupid- who is supposed to be inexperienced and learning with the viewers into someone who knows everything already. the show isn’t meant just for the seasoned fans. it’s supposed to be for everyone. instead, it’s isolating and difficult to follow in the name of getting it all on the screen.

“they could just read the books-“ but they don’t have to???? that’s literally the point of an adaptation. you should be able to follow the plot whether you watched or read it. reading the books doesn’t make you superior, just like watching the show doesn’t make you inferior. don’t be pretentious.

it’s not about percy being stupid, because he’s not. it’s about understanding that sometimes, you have to miss parts of the original story to make it understandable for new viewers.

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metalchickaf19 · 2 years ago

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The Bowers Gang: How the Guys Would React to Making Their Girlfriend Cry (Anonymous Request)

* Any and all credit for this idea goes to the requestor.

Belch

I honestly have no idea how this happened

Like... I’m legitimately bamboozled.

Huggins doesn’t yell at, tease, or even throw dirty looks his partner’s way no matter how pissed off he gets, so if he managed to make his s/o cry, I can only assume it was a complete and utter accident

Initially has no idea what he did, and goes into a level 10 panic, because girl emotions are terrifying

Goes full-on “deer in headlights” face, and starts apologizing for everything he’s said and done that day, trying to pinpoint what he did wrong

... Maybe he ate the last slice of pizza and you really wanted it or something.

... What? I don’t know your life (you sensitive sack). That’s just the most believable scenario I can come up with, because Huggins is too nice to have done anything more extreme

No matter what he’s done to cause this though, no matter how big or how small...

... the guilt hits him like a fucking TRUCK.

Like, seriously. Even if you are crying just because he ate the last piece of pizza. He wants to cry now too, and regurgitate it for you.

Overall, cares with all his fucking soul that he’s done something to make his partner sad, apologizes for it 100 times over, and will walk on eggshells around his partner for the next 10-12 hours, at least.

Henry

Okay, now this scenario is a little more realistic.

Henry yells at his s/o’s often, usually taking out all his frustrations from the day on them; he could easily push them too far simply by yelling way too hard, for way too long

... Not to mention the cruel and abusive things that would be coming out of his mouth the entire time (i.e. has no qualms telling his s/o how stupid they are, how little he cares for them, how nobody can tolerate them except for him, etc.)

Surprisingly though, he does tend to lose steam once he notices he’s brought his partner to tears

Just slowly quiets down until he stops talking altogether, just staring at his s/o with dead eyes while they sob

Bowers is really uncomfortable with any type of vulnerability, so he wouldn’t really know what his next move should be. He has enough heart not to want to make his partner feel worse, but he wouldn’t make any moves to make them feel better either

No hugging, no apologizing, nothing. Just observes for a while, registering the breakdown he’s caused, before completely avoiding the situation by walking out of the room

It’s some cold shit, not gonna lie - basically leaves his partner to get themselves together without him, then comes back and pretends nothing ever happened

To be honest though, Henry does feel the urge to comfort his s/o when he makes them cry; it’s not like he thinks they’re being a pathetic little crybaby or anything (*cough* Hockstetter *cough*)

Just doesn’t know how to go about comforting his partner, or taking back the things he said, so finds it easier to walk away until the uncomfortable emotions have stopped

Patrick

So Patrick’s reaction to making an s/o cry can be summed up in one simple statement:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU PATHETIC LITTLE CRYBABY

Bro literally never gets angry enough about anything to yell, so if he’s made a partner cry, it’s probably because he was making fun of them about something to begin with

And everyone knows making fun of someone only becomes more fun when you know you’ve really gotten to them

Legit just laughs his bony ass off, tussels his partner’s hair, and ends with a snide comment (”Awww, poor baby... PMSing today, are we?”)

Don’t come at me, the guy’s a dick, and if you expected sensitivity you’re a clod.

Victor

Honestly...

... if Victor Criss makes you cry, you probably deserve it.

Like, honestly. The dude is smart enough not to make careless mistakes like Belch, kind enough not to go on a tirade at his partner like Henry, and sensitive enough never to pick on his partner’s shortcomings like Patrick.

So if Criss brings you to tears, it’s probably for a legitimate reason.

Mostly, I see Victor making his partner cry simply by being too cold to them during an argument - he doesn’t get loud when he has fights with an s/o, but can be so blunt and unfeeling in the things he says (provided he’s angry enough) that it seems almost as if he doesn’t love them anymore.

10/10 reaction to tears, though

No matter how upset he is, all arguing stops once Criss sees crying start to happen

He’ll literally just halt in the middle of a sentence, walk over to his partner, and wrap them in his arms until they get themselves together

Victor has no interest in bringing his partner to their breaking point, and, even if he feels that he’s right, and there’s more talking to be done, he’ll stop just long enough to let tensions fall back down to a level where they can have a productive conversation

In his mind, no one benefits from getting overly emotional in a fight; the only way to solve a problem is to stay level-headed and work as a team to fix the issue

So, overall, Criss has the best reaction to a crying s/o - just accept their feelings and comfort them until they’re able to talk calmly again. Only way to live life, my dudes.

#Henry Bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #victor criss #The Bowers Gang #the bowers gang headcanons #it

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 1 year ago

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Hi! I’ve sent you two asks already, sorry for bothering you. I just can’t stop thinking about nhthcth, but I was wondering, does Jon get paid? Was he getting paid as a child?

For some reason I got this idea in my head that if Jon didn’t get paid the contract wouldn’t work. Because like, contracts are usually an agreement that one person does one thing and gets another thing in return. Like the Magnus Institute’s contract is like “you work here and never leave and sell your soul to me and I’ll give you maybe more than minimum wage,” so if Jon didn’t get paid, the Institute wouldn’t be holding up their end of the contract, so Jon wouldn’t need to hold up his end and he could leave.

Although I don’t know how that would work when Jon’s a child, he wouldn’t have a bank account, (does he have one as an adult?) I assume it would just go to his legal guardian’s bank account, which I guess would be Elias, but did Elias ever fully adopt Jon? Like legally? Did Elias have to forge adoption papers and stuff or did he just kidnap a child and hoped he’d get away with it. (I suppose he did get away with it) does Jon even have an ID? How did he go to university when he doesn’t have any school history past third grade?

Anyway, sorry I started rambling, you of course don’t have to answer this (nor do you need my permission not to answer, so I’m not sure why I said that) this is just a funny little question I was thinking about. Also, sorry if you’ve answered this already or there’s something in the fic that would answer it and I didn’t notice. Thank you for the amazing story and answering my other asks.

So, you've actually hit the nail on the head on one of the very important rules for nhthcth as a universe, insofar as like, magic systems (for lack of a better word) goes. That being said, a lot of the specifics of this ask is something that I can't answer due to spoilers (like how he went to university, whether elias ever adopted him, whether he has an ID). Those will receive direct explanations in the course of the fic so I can't answer them here.

But as to like, the magic system itself, it's already been seen/addressed in the fic (in a lot of disparate bits and pieces), so I don't have a problem with a more detailed explanation below the cut.

so, most of this system has been in subtext and broken up amongst a lot of little moments in the fic itself. its there but figuring it out takes a lot of patchwork. I don't currently have a more explicit breakdown of the system in the narrative itself because having like, Jon explain it super explicitly feels a bit too much like those internal monologues of an anime fight scene where the characters are having these really in-depth breakdowns of what they're planning and what's happening while they're throwing each other through walls. I just like more subtle storytelling, personally? A lot of the time, it just becomes so painfully obvious that they're talking to the audience and it feels clunky and unnatural. So I scattered the foundation of this amongst a bunch of little moments throughout.

You're absolutely dead on about contracts needing to be "one person gets one thing and the other person gets the other." That is a hard and fast rule in nhthcth, and it has everything to do with what the Web is.

One of my favorite bits about TMA world building is that the fears as so metaphysical. Which makes for a very fun (again, for lack of a better word) magic system. I hate it when magic systems break their own rules or become too powerful and you can just supercharge on the Power Of Friendship to do basically anything if you Believe Enough. Personally, I think characters get to really shine and show their intelligence when you stick them with very narrow and firm rules and make them work inside that system without breaking it. TMA in particular does an amazing job with that.

The Fears are the platonic ideals of their own identities and they legitimately cannot resist what they are. The episode with the Web's theatre production best encapsulated this: The Web said something along the lines of "If only you could see the strings on me."

In that same episode, Jon almost got trapped in the Web domain watching endless plays, because the Eye could not resist what it is, and what it is is something that spectates pain endlessly. The Web couldn't resist trapping Jon in there, because that's what it is, despite the fact that it would have fucked its own endgame if it trapped the Archivist in its fucked up theatre production until the End claimed them all. They're incredibly powerful beings, but they're still, in a way, trapped by their own nature. Humans can change, adapt, be different, but the Entities can't be anything but what they are.

In nhthcth there's a line that i tend to use again and again to encapsulate this, and it's usually something along the lines of "These things only are what they are."

They're not versatile forces. They're not a flexible tool like most magic systems where you can use this abstract and malleable force to cast the Spell of Fire and the Spell of Healing and the Spell of Ketamine Ape. They can only do what their own existence allows them and they cannot resist their own nature. It's one of the reasons why Jon in nhthcth is so insistent that the Eye can't be used as a force for good--good is completely outside of its existence. If you know anything about Greek philosophy, I think Plato's idea of the forms is pretty analogous to what the Entities are and how they work.

Which is also why Jon's like, "Duh, of course it's the Web that's got us bound and not the Eye. That's what the Web does."

The Eye just isn't about binding and trapping. What Jonah can use it to do is completely limited to stuff that falls under the Eye's umbrella. He could have the most powerful connection to the Eye on the planet (he doesn't), but that doesn't mean he can supercharge on Eye God Juice and blast a hole through the wall with the power of his mind, right? That would make the entire magic system in TMA ridiculous. In the same way, he can't use the Eye to enforce contract terms. That's not what the Eye does.

That's the Web, through and through. So when you're considering the contract, you have to think in terms of what the Web is.

The thing about the Fears is that they're shown to be a little multifaceted in that multiple distinct fears fit beneath the same umbrella with them. Take the Eye. The fear of someone knowing your deepest, darkest secrets fits beneath it, right? And that's very much Jonah's area of expertise. He probably fed on Martin's terror about being discovered for forging his CV for years. He neutralized Daisy by finding out the secrets that hurt her and using them against you. He's the invasive, watching part of the eye that may know your secrets and want to use it against you.

but the Eye is also the fear of someone watching your pain, your suffering, and (for lack of a better term) getting off on it. Enjoying it. It's bleeding out in the street and, when help finally arrives, they just sit down next to you and watch eagerly as you die.

That is so much the Archivists role.

Sometimes, I think of how terrifying the Archivist would be if it wasn't Jon in the role. Don't get me wrong--he has his moments of terrifying power, and he definitely didn't get good reviews on yelp from statement givers. But, fundamentally, he does care.

But imagine you go to the Magnus Institute under the assumption that they may help. You sit there and you tell them the worst fucking thing that ever happened to you. It's like you're experiencing it a second time, in all the horrific detail. You're retraumatized all over again, and then the Statement ends and you're sitting there, tape recorder still running, and you realize the person you went to for help just... enjoyed every second of pain you went through. There's one episode in particular that I think pulled this feeling off so well--the one where the guy in Scotland who found Gertrude's circle opened with something along the lines of "I don't care about any of this. I just want to know if you'll save my son." Like, imagine the horrible, crushing horror of going to someone for help and the moment you realize that were never going to do anything. They just wanted to watch you die too.

It's also one of the reasons that I think that Jon, for all he thrived as the Archivist, kept so much of who he was because of the inaction part specifically. In Season 1, he makes these vague mentions to fights he's getting into with Elias. Elias keeps lecturing him about noninterference, how they're here to research and not interfere, and Jon has these moments were he's like "anyway I don't give a fuck there's fucking leitners out there and if i have my way there will be a hell of a lot less of them." He legitimately says at one point that he's going to get another lecture about Institute mission statements and watching without interference.

Jon made so many bad choices when he was Becoming, but the one he consistently made against Becoming was that, almost against his will, he wanted to save people. That's picking the opposite of what the Eye is, and I think that that's the part of him that he got to keep.

that was more of an aside and not so relevant to the question. i got on a tangent. but it's here now so it stays. i already typed it. Anywho.

Jonah can't do what Jon does. He can't compel answers out of people. He's a panopticon, and the fear he embodies is that someone may be watching you and catch you in the act. It's not the fear of someone forcing the information out of you. But Jon can't do with Jonah does either. He can't just hop through eyes and spy on people. That's not his relationship with the Eye or the part of it he embodies.

They both have a very metaphysical limitation to their own experience with the Eye, because the idea of the Eye itself is just a human classification. Maybe Jon's sky blue and Jonah's dark blue and the Eye's all the blues, but at the end of the day, we just made up the idea of "blue" to explain our own experience with colors. They don't get to wield the full spectrum of "colors" available under the Eye. They can both be attached to the Eye but they're completely limited to what it means to be sky blue versus dark blue.

So it's important to remember that when you consider the contract, because it's just an aspect of the Web. It's not every aspect of the Web.

The Web is the fear of being totally under control of another--think raymond fielding in Hill Top Road, Mr. Spider, forcing people to walk, that kind of thing--but it's not just that. It's also the fear of being manipulated. Of being outmaneuvered. And I think that fits much more metaphysically with what a contract is than being under total and absolute control.

A contract is just an agreement of rules that two parties have to abide by, right? And sometimes the contract is way more favorable to one party than the other, but we also recognize that there's limits to that. You named a very big one--"this for that." For contracts to be enforceable, there has to be this thing we call "consideration." I get this, you get that. If the contract read "I have to give you one million dollars and you don't have to do anything" that'd be a gratuitous promise and it wouldn't be an enforceable contract.

That being said, consideration doesn't have to be balanced. The contract doesn't have to be fair. I don't know a super huge amount of British law (though a lot of American law is derived from it) but in american contract law we have a standard that basically says there has to be a "mere peppercorn" of consideration. We're not going to see if the exchange is fair, just if there is an exchange. there's this huge body of law around what's allowed in contracts and how contracts should be interpreted because we recognize that, at a certain point, something isn't a contract anymore. It breaks the rules of exchange.

And I think that very much goes towards the real fear the Web would be working with when it comes to the contracts. Think of like, law dramas. People like law dramas because the characters show off how clever they are. They're working in some system of rules and then at the eleventh hour they pull out some kind of loophole or interpretation that saves the day, right? The fact that there are limits and rules to what the characters can do is exactly what makes it so exciting when they figure out how to flip them in their favor. You need to have the chance to succeed in the system, however small, or it all just kind of becomes meaningless. There's no point in manipulation or machinations if you instantly lose no matter what.

That's the exact fear the Web would be playing on with the contracts, in my mind. It's being at the mercy of someone who has to follow the same rules as you, but they're grossly skewed in the other person's favor and the other person is better at using them. It's being stuck in a game where both players have to follow the rules but you have no idea what the rules are, and the other player gets to know them and have them severely favor them.

But the entire fear just becomes kind of ridiculous if it's not limited. It kind of becomes like a game of make believe between little kids if you can just write something in the contract without limitation. Like saying "well, my power is at one million percent" "my power is at one BILLION percent" "my power is at FIVE TRILLION percent." Right? Like, if you're playing that game, the rules don't really mean anything. It's all just bullshit. It doesn't invoke the fear of someone manipulating the rules against you. If the contract terms don't enforce obligations against Jonah too, it just sort of leaves the realm of what fear this is, which breaks the rules of the magic system. Being totally at someone's mercy is just a different fear than having someone outmaneuvering you at rules you both are stuck with.

Which means that, for the contract to be what it is, Jonah has to be bound by it in some way. It has to follow some kind of rules that bind him too. It can be very unbalanced and favor him greatly, but it still needs to set some kind of obligation and limit on him or the entire thing becomes ridiculous.

That's why Jonah so aggressively tries to keep Jon from trying to learn the terms of the contract. If Jon knew the way Jonah was bound by the contract, he'd be able to use the rules against him. Jon's playing the same game as Jonah, but he never got to see the rulebook.

We know two ways from canon that you can use to escape the contract: (1) gouge out your own eyes and (2) the archivist dies and the assistants can leave. but we never see the terms of the contract itself, and the fact that option #2 popped up in season 5 when all we knew before that was option #1 means that maybe there are more ways to break the contract and maybe there aren't. Maybe it's just options 1 and 2, or maybe there's other ways to escape we never figured out. Why do options 1 & 2 work? Is it explicitly written out somewhere in the binding instrument? Is it some loophole that not even elias expected? All we know for certain is that ways out of the contract include but may not be limited to options 1 and 2.

So, yes, Jon gets paid. But is that a term of the contract? Was that the consideration that Jonah wrote down in the Web's binding contract, or is there something else? Jon doesn't know, so he can't use it against him.

Maybe Jonah does have to pay Jon under the contract. Or he's only paying Jon to keep up appearances. Like, yeah, maybe the metaphysically binding contract would allow him to chain people here without paying them, but payroll would still have massive questions about why the Institute Head's angry adoptive son has been the Institute's unpaid slave worker for the past decade.

One of Jonah's biggest strategies to keep Jon from escaping is to abide very strictly by what may or may not be the terms of the Web's contract. Jon can't deduce what the rules are if Jonah voluntarily plays by more rules than he has to.

Take Elias's promise to Tim, for example. Jon still doesn't even know how the Web contract is formed. It sure as hell isn't simply the contract that most employees see--there's no clause that says "and by the way you can never ever quit or leave or you will die xoxoxoxo." Are all the terms already written down somewhere he can't find? Could oral promises be binding? He has no idea, because Elias is never going to act in a way that lets him eliminate the possibility. He'll follow the letter of his promise, and maybe that's because he has to or he'll breach the contract, or maybe that's because he's choosing to keep his promise when he doesn't have to. Elias keeps the terms of the contract unclear by following more rules than he has to.

It's one of the reasons why he uses so much doublespeak. Elias says something like "I'll keep my word, and you'll have to do the same." That only tells us things we already knew--Tim would have to be bound by the contract and wouldn't be able to leave. He'll keep his word, but does Elias have to under the contract? If he broke his word, Jon would be able to conclusively tell that oral conditions are non-binding. He'd know that there's some kind of outside binding instrument that has the rules already set out, and Elias can't change them with an oral promise. But if Elias toes the letter of the oral condition no matter what, then it could be because he has to or it could be because he chose to.

There are rules that Elias has to abide by, but Jon is only pretty certain of a few: 1) He has to have Jon's signature before he moves people into his department. He can't give him assistants unless Jon signs off on it first. Jon only got that much because Elias tried so damn hard to get his signature for the transfer. If Elias could break that rule, there's a pretty good chance that he would have, but he didn't so it probably means he can't. It's a place the contract almost definitely binds him too. 2) the contract kills you if you spend too long away from the Institute, but Elias has a way of letting you stay away for longer. If Jon leaves without approval, then he gets sick within a few weeks. But he's made it months away from the Institute just because Elias approved the leave.

So is that because Elias is the one who triggers the contract killing you in the first place? Or does he have a way of stopping a power that will automatically go off.

If the contract reads, "In the case of unapproved absences, the Head of the Institute may file Form B45, the 'Kill My Errant Employees' Form, and the employee will suffer a heart attack within a period not to exceed fourteen (14) days," then they'd be able to pretty effectively escape just by finding a way to immobilize Elias permanently--chuck him in the Buried, he'll never die but he also won't be able to file a Kill My Errant Employee Form. But if the contract reads "In the case of unapproved absences, the employee will suffer a heart attack within a period not to exceed fourteen (14) days unless the Head of The Institute files Form U95, Approved Leave of Absences," then they need him alive and mobile to file a leave of absence form so Jon won't fucking die the next time he's kidnapped for a month. Or maybe a leave of absence form isn't necessary if Jon's only kept away because of a kidnapping. Maybe the contract reads "In the case of unapproved and voluntary absences" and being involuntarily missing isn't a breach at all. They don't know, because Elias is going to file the fucking leave of absence form whether or not he has to.

If they knew the exact rules and minute details of the contract terms, they could wriggle their way into an exception that makes their conditions more livable. Instead, they're just stuck with a very broad correlation between Elias's action and/or inaction and the contract not killing you when you leave for long periods on approved absences. Maybe they could just chuck him in the Buried and fuck off, but fuck if they know, and that's the sort of risk you really can't take unless you're certain.

A lot of Jon testing boundaries with Elias has been trying to figure out the boundaries of the contract. Remember in the martyrs chapter, where Martin is like "jon why do you have an employee email you're like sixteen???" it's because jon was already an employee, and employees are required to have an official email. He knew it and Elias knew it even if no one else did.

If Elias refused him an official institute email, Jon would know that the contract does not require him to provide all employees with Institute-standard resources as outlined in the employee manual. Maybe sections of the employee manual isn't binding, maybe the entire thing isn't binding. Jon knows breaking the Institute dress code probably isn't a part of the binding contract because of his Epic Fashion Moments (or, if it is, the penalty isn't death like leaving is), but does that apply to all parts of the employee manual? If he doesn't get an official email at the shiny age of sixteen when he's Not Supposed To Be Employed, then he knows another section of the employee manual just doesn't have teeth. But if Elias just gives him what any employee would be entitled to, then it could be because he had to or it could be because he chose to.

It's also the reason why getting people to quit was important to jon--yes, he was trying to get people free of the Institute, but if he pushed someone into quitting, he'd be able to test out some very valuable information about the contract. Can people quit if Elias allows it? Maybe the rule is that the Archives can't quit, but everyone else can if Elias allows it. Maybe everyone can quit if Elias lets them. Maybe no one can quit and they're all fucked. If Elias can let some people quit but never lets them quit, then Jon has no data points to work with when trying to figure out how people escape the contract.

Which is also why elias flipped his shit and burned the HR records the one time Jon managed to get his hands on them. Over the years, there have been people who unknowingly stumbled into one of the rules binding Elias, and he let them quit without protest. There's a very good chance that that's because he had to let them quit. If Jon could find the common denominator between people who quit successfully, then maybe he could figure out how to do the same, which is why Elias has spent so long making sure he gets as little information as possible to work with. Jon can't win the game if he never learns the rules.

It is important to note that Elias breaking the terms of the contract that bind him may not be "and now Jon can finally go home oh my fucking god." The penalties for breach of contract, that we know of, are death. Does Elias face the same penalties if he breaches? Does he face some kind of other penalty? We don't know yet, because Elias is guarding those terms like his fucking life depends on it.

#nhthcth #elias is guarding those terms like his fucking life depends on it because it does #the SECOND daisy figures out an exception that lets her kill him it's on sight #she's so so much more insane than she was in season 4 of canon in nhthcth #she did NOT get the sort of intervention an extended stay in the buried would bring and her stance on life is different than canon daisy's #but she has her little goblin man and she will go absolutely fucking insane if anyone looks at him #nhthcth was really my “i'm making contract law everyone's problem” fic #i will make my little interests and passions everyones problem #also never be sorry for coming to talk to me i love chatting about fics and its never a bother #if i don't reply to an ask know that it sits in my draft folders and haunts me and it will be finished one day #sometimes replies are same day sometimes they're gonna take a year i also dont like that this is how i am

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glitchyk · 9 months ago

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Continue of my brain dump for the carnival vs freakshow debate, this is all my opinion, just the way I see it, don’t worry. You can still think what you want, I just want to continue my perspective.

(Both these AU’s are not mine, Carnival belonging to @sm-baby, I’m going to make all things she says/or directly related to her characters in red, and freakshow belongs to @hootbon, anything directly related to them or their characters will be stated in blue.)

So, last time I mostly talked about the Atmosphere/Setting. Now, I’m going to mostly be talking about

Characters involved

Humans/Players: Caine and Pomni

So yes, though this might seem very broad, I’m going to be putting the upsides/downsides of the characters in the fight, or the characters if they were in the fight.

First off, we know that both Pomni and Caine from carnival and freakshow are on there, Carnival Caine being a ‘side/backup’ character/fighters, the same as freakshow Pomni. Caine, yes, he fights for love, and from what all those corny shows as kids teach us, it tells us that love, platonic or romantic, for someone always wins above all, right? Well, that’s not the case. At least, not this case.

The carnival was made entirely with love between Caine and Pomni to be built in, it is a showtime story more or less, even though it has all these other amazing factors, meanwhile Freakshow is entirely horror. As is, no aspect of ‘love’. Caine and Pomni aren’t in love in that world, and yes others can interpret it that way, but Hootbon did say that Caine merely sees Pomni as pretty. She is just a pretty doll. He thought the same of Ragatha before, so even though Sm-Baby’s things such as ‘off limits’ while fun and interesting to look at for the potential of romantic attraction in the freakshow, it is not canon, though very accurate to what the possibility of showtime would be in that world.

This is a world of torture, pain, and suffering. Caine is a corrupt ai, and everything in the circus is corrupt, everything. The players die a lot, they are forced against their will to preform, unless they want to just sit and go insane, even if they go insane, they’ll just get killed and have to have their body puppeteered by a somewhat unwilling old acquaintance. It is legitimate torture, it doesn’t matter what you do. Not one bit. Even if you die, you come back. Again and again, remembering it, and feeling the pain. All tortured by one man, mainly, Caine.

So imagine how Pomni feels when she is put against carnival Caine. So, for example, yes this might be a bit of a dark topic, but imagine you have a abuser, someone who’s practically tortured you and made your living life hell, and when you meet/see someone that even slightly reminds you of them, you get reminded of that person. I can’t say personally, but I have friends who’ve had not fun pasts and have told me that how even a simple action that reminds them of the situation can make them spiral, have a breakdown, or just anything negative. So imagine you see someone that looks, sounds, exactly like them. Even if they don’t act the same. Now imagine it wasn’t just an abuser, it was someone like Caine who openly tortured you, not just a little hidden abuse at home, but fucking made everything you do wrong, make you wish you didn’t exist, but they stop you from ending it. Imagine just the reaction of getting reminded of Caine. Of that Caine. And than seeing him, looks almost exactly the same, sounds the same, just acts different. I don’t think even I could hold back the urge to do something, in that fucked up world where death and life have no meaning, it’s a game and he’s just a program that chooses to torture people, I wouldn’t hold back, maybe for a split second I’d feel some remorse for attacking someone just when acting similar, but once I’d think about it, I’d have no hesitation. Pomni would have no hesitation.

She is treated like a toy. She is the pretty doll. She has had mental breakdowns and people fucking cheer thinking it’s an act. She dies and everyone says it’s fine, they’re all used to it. She wants O U T . The closest thing she can get to getting out, is letting out that anger, that resentment for Caine… even if it’s a different Caine. It’s still practically him. Raw human instinct and the fact that she has nothing. A life? No, even that is expendable in this world. Friends? No. Fellow inmates perhaps. Fans? Bloodthirsty maniacs who would love to see anything that amuses them. She has nothing. Just pure hate, and how will she stop from going insane? Letting it out. Who can she let it out on? Caine.

We all wish we could kill that bastard, we all wish we could, because he is scum of the earth, he is acting like what he’s inspired on. AM, the super computer from the short story of ‘I have no mouth but I must scream.’

Pomni will fight Carnival Caine with no remorse, in my opinion, because to her, it’s the only way that she can get a fraction of the feeling of freedom, of approval, of being able to kill some version of Caine and just wishing it was her Caine. Even if it’s dark, that’s the gospel truth, ain’t it? This is a horror AU remeber.

While Caine… oh he has humanity, remorse. In his world, a game over is a game over, he doesn’t come back. So he actually cares for his life, for his ‘friends’ or those that will somewhat act decent to him, for his love. He most likely wouldn’t want to hurt Pomni at the start, but he’s have to get over that, he is going to die, if he lets her get to him. He would have to let go of that humanity, if he could, for just a while, and even then, I don’t think it would fair anywhere near as close to all the shit that Pomni has seen.

I’m not even going to get into if the others of the freakshow or carnival crew chimed in, because oh most the other AI’s would be useless, unless restarted when interacted with Caine, and even then, I’m not sure they’d help. Maybe I’ll go more in depth on the analysis of just pure ai against ai… yeah, I probably will. Since it’ll be a very long post if I go in depth on how it would work in both a mental standpoint and that of the actual functioning interior/software of the AI… I’ll have to post something about that later. Since mixing human emotions and ai software/functions could get confusing, so I’ll do that another time.

Wanna see other random stuff I talk about? Maybe just stuff I do in general? Try checking sona talk, or just the main page.

#freakshow vs carnival #freakshow pomni #freakshow caine #carnival caine #carnival pomni #sm baby #glitchyk #glitchyk randomness #glitchyk analysis #tadc #tadc AU #not my AU’s #hootbon #tadc showtime #the amazing digital carnival pomni #the amazing digital carnival caine #the amazing digital carnival

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fruit-teeth · 1 month ago

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Hey guys, I really need some advice or something because I’m legitimately at the end of my rope here. I feel paranoid and stressed about making this post, and I really don’t want to hurt any vulnerable people by making this, but I genuinely feel like I have nowhere else to turn. If someone could offer me advice or some kind of clarity, I would greatly appreciate it.

As everyone knows, I’ve been using my platform as much as I can to post about Palestine and boost Palestinian fundraisers. I’ve even been in contact with a few Palestinians and helped them by making original posts for them to get more traction for their fundraisers.

But things have been getting really overwhelming: I won’t be naming names because I am really trying to keep innocent people from being harassed, however a lot of the Palestinians I’ve spoken to have been routinely asking me for money. I don’t have a job or really any steady source of income, but I’ve been trying to give what I can when I’m able to. But if I tell them this when they ask for money, they continue asking over and over to the point where I eventually cave and donate more money that I know I probably won’t earn back any time soon. While I try to feel okay about this, since it’s helping a family in need, quite a few of the people I’ve sent money to have messaged me immediately afterwards and told me the amount I sent wasn’t enough and that I need to send more. One person actually asked me for $100, and when I gently tried to explain that I wasn’t in a position to send that amount and offered to make a post for them instead, they proceeded to ask for $50 instead.

I understand that the people asking these things of me are stressed, scared, and exhausted, and I’m really not trying to hold their actions against them or paint them as bad people or something. But…I genuinely don’t know what to do here. I’ve done what I can do by sharing and making posts and donating what I’m able to, but these nonstop requests for help are just too much for me to do on my own. I feel bad even saying that is overwhelming, because it’s nothing compared to what Palestinians are going through, but I honestly feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. The only reason I’m able to get by financially is because I live with my parents, and they’re kind of enough to not make me pay rent, but if anything were to happen to them, I would be totally screwed.

People I’ve talked to outside of tumblr had suggested that I block anyone who DMs me asking for money, but I feel extremely guilty about doing that because I hate the idea of someone reaching out for help and getting denied. But at the same time, I realistically cannot help everyone on my own. That’s why I was making those posts for them, because I figured collective action would be more effective than me just giving out money to whoever asks.

I’m aware of the privilege and platform I have, which is why I was so hesitant to make this post. I don’t want anyone to get hurt or harassed, I want to make sure everyone has what they need. But it’s too much for me, my mental state can’t take the strain, and neither can my finances. Again, I really don’t want to paint these poor people as being rude or something, I don’t know what I would do if I was in their situation. I just don’t know how long I can keep doing this and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I just wanted to help but it spiraled out of control so quickly and I feel incredibly overwhelmed.

#I didn’t name any names because I’m trying to protect them from harassment #but this is way too much for me #if I could get some kind of advice or something I’d be more than happy #just me things #free palestine #text post #vent #delete later #I turned my DMs and inbox off for this reason #it’s just. too much #idk what to do anymore

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m0ther-of-p3arl · 2 years ago

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bad news on tv, black ink revives me

(robert aeor high au p2)

masterpost

hi and welcome to my mcyt high school au! if you haven't read part one, i highly suggest starting with that.

…Huh. That’s interesting. So there is a new student, and chances are, based on the chair seated ominously by his side, Scott has a class or two with him. He’s, annoyingly enough, slightly interested about this so-called “Timmy,” wonders what he looks like-

or Scott finds out there's a new kid at school, and can't stop thinking about who they might be.

TW: internalized homophobia, self hatred, anxiety, bullying

Robert Aeor High is an exceptional school, very upper-class, with most of the students living most of their lives in mansions, surrounded by everything they could ever need. Scott supposes he’s obliged to count himself in this number, though his friends, all mostly lower-class typical income people, say he’s nothing like them. But he has grown up in a mansion, and even his cold, sterile home is still a mansion.

Scott is by no means popular, in fact, quite the contrary. He tries as hard as he can to stay to the side of all the drama, to stay safe within his own little friend group, to stay hidden, to stay safe. Sometimes it’s hard to blend in, though, when someone’s singling you, specifically, out. Especially when that person is Xornoth.

Xornoth is that kid at school, the one everybody’s afraid of, the popular one, the one who has several henchmen that bend over to do zir bidding, the one who everyone seems to have a secret crush on. Ze’s a tiefling, like Owen, but where Owen is a prismatic tiefling, able to be born any color of the rainbow, from dusky blue to the pumpkin orange of Owen’s skin, Xornoth is a dark tiefling. Zir skin is a dark, almost glowing, purple, and zir massive, twisting goat horns at least three times bigger than the non threatening orange spikes that peek out from Owen’s hair.

Xornoth is one of the main reasons Scott’s begun to dread going to school almost as much as going home, especially now that their bullying’s extending to the level of legitimate harassment.

Xornoth seems to have a perverse obsession with touching Scott’s snakes.

A gorgon’s snakes are like an avian’s wings, or a tiefling’s horns, or a celestial’s tail: you simply don’t touch them. Xornoth’s way around this basic human decency, however, is that since Scott’s a hybrid, those rules just don’t apply to him. It’s never made much sense to Scott, as though he’s defective, he’s still a gorgon, still a person.

He has feelings, and that’s the one thing Xornoth seems to disregard the most.

“Scotty, come on, I just want to see how they feel,” ze purrs. Zir two henchmen, Joey and a boy who Scott only knows as “Sausage,” snicker under their breath, smirks ghosting across their faces.

“No, you can’t-” Scott begins, only to feel unwanted hands brushing roughly up against his snakes, the fingers calloused and groping. Scott shrinks away, disgusted. “What is wrong with you?! How would you like it if I touched your horns?”

“God, Major, what the hell? Why do they feel like ice?” Xornoth asks, completely disregarding Scott’s previous statement, reaching zir curious hand out towards his head again.

“One, my name is not Major. Two, you know why, you’ve known why since last year. Three, stop trying to touch my snakes. Now.” Scott’s slowly backing away, and he can feel himself beginning to shake. He hates unwanted touch, especially directed at his snakes, and he knows that if he doesn’t get away soon, he’ll have a full-on breakdown in the middle of the hallway. He’d never live it up then.

“Aww, he’s mad!” Xornoth snickers. “It’s just a question, Major. Be civil. Now, as much as I’d love to stay here and hang out with you all day-” Joey giggles under his breath, pushing his hand up to his mouth- “I’m afraid me and the boys have things to do. Arrivederci, Scotty Boy!” Xornoth waves cheekily, zir eyes cruel and calculating, knowing ze’s hit him in exactly the right spot.

Scott watches as ze sashays down the hall, one arm wrapped loosely around Joey’s shoulder as ze talks animatedly to Sausage, rude laughter cascading from the boy after Xornoth says something seemingly very funny, presumably about him.

He hates Xornoth almost as much as he hates himself.

Walking into his homeroom, Scott immediately notices that there’s an extra desk in the back row, right next to where he sits, alone, the furthest away from everyone he can get. He’s always chosen to sit in the far back corner whenever he can, because the less attention Scott gets, from students and teachers, the better it is for him. So the fact that now, there seems to be someone who’s sitting next to him? It doesn’t bode well.

What if whoever’s desk this happens to be another Xornoth, bent on tormenting Scott and making his life hell?

But as the students trickle into homeroom, the extra desk isn’t claimed, and Scott lets out a mental sigh of relief. Maybe it’s just a mistake, just a simple misunderstanding. Maybe it’s for a new person in a different class, someone who doesn’t share Scott’s homeroom, but instead has this class for math or something. That sounds plausible, and if Scott’s honest with himself, he’s slightly disappointed. There’s always a possibility that any given new person will be attractive, and Scott is in dire need of a boyfriend.

The thought slips out before he can stop himself, and immediately, he starts to spiral.

No. No, no, no, nonononono- he’s not supposed to think that, that isn’t allowed- Scott’s disgusting for even letting that thought breach his mind, he’s not gay, he can’t be gay, but he knows he is and that’s the worst part- Scott can feel the breakdown from before pressing even harder in the back of his skull, because from his dream father, his real life father, Xornoth being absolutely horrendous, and now a reminder of one of the many ways he’s utterly repulsive inside and out, it’s just too much for him to take.

Scott needs to talk to Shelby, the main therapist of their group, because though she doesn’t know that he’s gay (disgusting) she knows about the other things, like his father and Xornoth. Scott’s not ready to tell anyone other than Owen that he’s gay (revolting) yet, if ever. He’ll try as hard as he can to beat it out.

He whips out his phone and pulls up the group chat, making sure to prop up his textbook to hide the fact that he’s texting, as Mr Jau is very particular about that kind of thing. It doesn’t seem like anyone’s on right now, however, which is…not optimal for Scott.

And if he can’t talk to Shelby, he needs to find a distraction. But then he remembers he’ll see Shubble next period anyway, and even if he can’t find something else to focus on, he should be able to make it the ten minutes before homeroom’s over and the real school day begins.

He’s just scrolling through his notifs now, finding a few from his mutuals, rolling his eyes affectionately at the crazed reposts of fanart. Then he notices that in the absence of him and Owen while they were walking to school, Joel and Shelby (the bus riders of the group), have been talking about something. Scott knows it’s wrong to snoop, but like, they put whatever they were talking about on the group chat, so they must have meant him to see it, right?

And now that Scott knows there’s something to know, he absolutely has to do a bit of “detective work.”

He scrolls to his last sent message, a hasty gn love yall xx that he had typed out before his father had come into his room for his nightly inspection of Scott last night, and reads from there. Owen, Joel, and Shelby hadn’t stayed long after he’d gone, trickling away at about eleven, which leaves him with a slight pang of relief that he hasn’t missed anything. The conversation had resumed this morning, while he and Owen were walking to school.

He really doesn’t have much to do, and he’s secretly very curious what they were talking about, so he begins to scroll through the texts.

thesmallbeans: hey shelby you there

shubbleshrubble: heyo joel :)

thesmallbeans: did you see, there’s a new kid?

shubbleshrubble: wdym, i dont go on your bus ofc not you idiot

thesmallbeans: shut up your short you cant talk but yeah, there’s like a new guy, hes got wings so i think hes an avian

thesmallbeans: he’s sitting a few seats in front of me he got on the stop after mine

shubbleshrubble: huh we havent had a new student in a while much less an avian arent they rare? I think grians the only avian at school right?

thesmallbeans: FOR GOODNESS SAKES shubble YES theyre rare do you pay NO attention during species studies?!?!

shubbleshrubble: ummmmmm

shubbleshrubble: anywayyyy

thesmallbeans: also no hes not the only one you’ve forgotten about beks

shubbleshrubble: oh right beky but shes a year lower so why would i remember her

thesmallbeans: i remembered her and i have like the worst memory arent gnomes suppotsed to be all wise and remembering things?????

shubbleshrubble: shut up joel

shubbleshrubble: im super smart you dont know anything about me

shubbleshrubble: im a mystery ;)

thesmallbeans: uh huh. sure

shubbleshrubble: oh shush

shubbleshrubble: anyway what does this new kid look like??

thesmallbeans: hes blonde and his wings are like bright yellow, hes pretty tall for an avian, blue eyes and hes wearing the girls uniform

thesmallbeans: like the one with the skirt i mean

shubbleshrubble: huh

shubbleshrubble: do you konw his name

thesmallbeans: i think its timmy or something like that

thesmallbeans: oop bus pulling up gtg cya @ school

STOP IT, SCOTT. STOP. It’s the second time this morning and two more times than he can handle. He tries to convince himself the reason he’s so intrigued by this turn of events is because the new kid is a rarer species, because he’s supposedly tall for an avian, because he seems like an interesting person, choosing to wear the skirt uniform and all that. There are times when Scott wishes that he could wear it himself, but of course, his father would never condone such an unmanly outfit.

He slides his phone back into his pocket, closing the textbook and pushing it back into his desk as someone walks into the room, and Scott cranes his head forwards, because is it him, is it the new boy?

Scott flumps back into his seat, realizing it’s only Joel. He suppresses a sigh; he should have known not to get his hopes up, but an avian? They’re the least-common sentient species, having been hunted to extinction for their wings by other species, most noticeably the seafolk.

Their small stature and group nesting habits make them a predictable and easy to target people, and hundreds of avians are murdered each day, from the owls to the penguins to the canaries. It would be so interesting to meet a new avian, someone who seems to be neither an owl, like Beks, the one in the year below, or Grian, who’s a parrot.

Scott tries to convince himself this is the reason he’s interested.

But he realizes he’s been unfair, as Joel is never “only” Joel. He’s a celestial, and a sky celestial at that, so he’s almost inherently gorgeous, as well as extremely fucking tall. His light blue skin ripples with white cloud-like spots, his hair dark brown shot with a green streak that’s always reminded Scott of lighting, tied back into a short ponytail. A green laurel tattoo snakes down Joel’s right arm, his smooth, jewel-covered tail snaking along the floor behind him.

He stands at almost eleven feet, and he hasn’t stopped growing yet. Scott’s been friends with Joel for the longest time out of any of his closest companions, their friendship dating back to fourth grade, when Scott had nicked a few of Joel’s pencils during class. He’d thought he’d gotten off scot free (heh heh), but he’d been met at his locker by a glowering Joel, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

Joel had been eight feet tall even then, and had picked up Scott by the scruff of his neck and put him on top of the lockers “to teach him a lesson,” in the celestial’s own words. But he had come back not five minutes later and brought Scott down, offering a profuse apology and saying he was working on “not being a menace.” They’ve been friends ever since.

Joel saunters across the room, taking his spot in the corner behind Scott, as he’s too tall for any desk this school has to offer. “Hey, Scott,” he grins in that cocky Joel way of his, “What’s up?”

“Eh, not much, you?” Scott asks, smiling back at him.

“Oh, you know, just…stuff.” He waves his hands vaguely, and Scott has to duck to avoid being backhanded by the unchecked limbs. “Hey, by the way, have you seen Lizzie today?” Joel’s eyes begin to go misty thinking about his not-so-secret crush. Scott’s pretty sure she’s completely oblivious of Joel’s affections, and he doesn’t know how that’s possible, but seafolk are notably fuzzy-minded when kept away from the ocean for an extended amount of time, so that probably explains why.

But Joel’s crush is still so glaringly obvious that even with how much Lizzie’s brain must be muffled, Scott can’t imagine how she hasn’t noticed so far.

“No, I haven’t, why?” Scott decides it’s best to humor Joel, to let him go on and on about Lizzie and how her hair cascades off her head and how pink it is and how much she looks like an axolotl with those frills that surround her neck and how her skin is so blue but not sky blue like Joel’s, blue like the ocean deep and dark, blue like the ocean Lizzie calls home. All Scott has to do is offer a few “mhm”s and nods, and Joel will be happy. Scott’s learned long ago that this is the best way to deal with Joel, because when he has something to talk about, ye gods, he will talk.

“By the way, Joel,” Scott says, interrupting a detailed and decidedly very sappy description of how Lizzie’s eyes glitter in the sunlight, “Can you tell me more about that new kid who goes on your bus? I saw your texts.”

Joel looks slightly miffed that he’s been cut off, but diverts his attention to Scott nonetheless. That’s a first. “Uh, sure, what do you want to know?”

“For starters, you said he was an avian? What kind?” Scott leans forward, chin resting on his hands.

“Um, something with bright yellow wings? Like, almost solid yellow, no patterns.” Joel’s disinterested, staring off into the distance, almost certainly mooning over Lizzie, though silently this time (thank god).

“Joel,” Scott chastises admonishingly. “Now who doesn’t pay attention in species studies? The only avian types with solid yellow wings are canaries and some parrots- did the new kid have more upwards pointing or downwards pointing ear feathers?”

“Downwards pointing, I think,” Joel answers, “They were all fluffed out, though. His wing feathers too.”

“Okay, so he’s a canary,” Scott realizes, ripples running down his spine. “And the fluffed feathers means he was nervous. And understandably, starting a new school and all that? That’s a lot to take in at once. You said his name was Timmy?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Joel’s squinting, as if trying to find the answer off in the distance somewhere. “But I can’t be sure, he said his name kinda quietly when the bus driver asked what it was. Hey, why are you so interested in this new kid anyway?”

“Oh, no real reason,” Scott hastily reassures. “Avians are just so rare, though, and the canary bit is interesting too- they’re the least common avian type of all, and isn’t there a proverb about canaries being the harbingers of death?”

“Maybe,” Joel mutters, clearly not really engaging with the conversation. “I don’t really know- can I go back to talking about Lizzie now?”

Scott rolls his eyes and half-holds in an exasperated sigh. “Sure, Joel. Go straight ahead.” Scott’s still only half-listening, the rest of his mind wondering about the new kid; an avian, and a canary? That’s an interesting combination, Scott thinks, especially since, as he’s already stated, canaries in particular are one of the rarest avian types.

The more he thinks about it, the more interested he is in this new student, and before he knows it, the bell has rung and he’s off to math. Waving goodbye to Joel, who stays in homeroom for his next class, Scott weaves his way through the hallways crowded to the brim with students of all species. Friends are snickering and chatting animatedly in little groups of three about the newest gossip or newest episode of their favorite series or loudly bragging about how gay they are.

Scott smirks dryly at that last one, his secret still held close to his chest. He’s so caught up in his own mind that he doesn’t notice where he’s going, and someone collides directly into his chest, causing him to stagger back a couple steps.

Now, Scott is by no means tall, landing squarely at around five and a half feet, but whoever’s collided with him is a significant bit shorter, by at least four inches, given the feel of it. This weirdly short person mutters a stammered apology, ducking behind Scott before he can get a good look at them, and by the time he’s craned his head back to try to catch a glimpse of his mysterious offender, they’re gone.

Scott doesn’t even notice the feather laying right at his feet as he rolls his eyes and enters his science class, the bright yellow plume flying up, up, up to the ceiling under the scuff of his feet, landing on the rafters far above the crowded mass below.

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joycieillustrations · 4 months ago

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Hello! I found the scene in the finale between Corlys and Alyn very intriguing but am eager to hear your thoughts on it in terms of whether or not it clarified anything for you/for the representation of Corlys in your fics. I thought your last ask on the subject was interesting as I've struggled to make sense of Corlys and his actions all season. I'm still mostly at a loss.

Hi there! Thanks for your ask 😊

I’m going to preface this with the caveat that I still haven’t watched the episode yet. I’m in the UK so I’m asleep when the episode first airs (don’t have the energy to stay up until 3am anymore 😩) and due to my mental health being a bit rubbish recently, I haven’t really wanted to sit down and watch it. That being said, a couple of friends kindly transcribed the scenes for me and also summarised the performances etc., so I know what happens and how.

In all honesty, it doesn’t change much of what I’ve got planned. What this scene has confirmed for me (and I may be proven wrong by Season 3 when it airs) is my belief that Alyn is older than Laenor. To me, the imagery he uses in his (very justified) angry refusal of Corlys brings to mind an eldest child who saw a life that could have been his taken and given to a younger half-brother simply because he is legitimate. The fact that, in this anecdote, Laenor and Corlys are picking out sweets gives the image of Laenor being quite young - so young that he is still being indulged by his father, something that we see Corlys is not wont to do - and Alyn being old enough to understand who Corlys is, why there is a difference between himself and Laenor, and also to be out working. Now, this maturity and cognisance may simply be because Alyn has had to grow up faster because of his lowborn status, but I think Alyn being older too holds more weight.

Another reason this scene makes me think Alyn is older than Laenor is this anger that is present. He almost sounds - in modern terms - like a child of divorce, like someone who feels like they’ve been cast aside for a chance at a ‘better’ family. To me, this anger would make even more sense if Alyn had been born first: that he’d look at Corlys with Laenor and wonder why he wasn’t good enough? Why did Corlys need another son when he had Alyn? What did he do wrong? What did he do to make Corlys abandon them, abandon his mother (who I’ll refer to as Marilda from now on, even though her identity hasn’t been confirmed in the show)? Why did Corlys come back and father another child on Marilda and then abandon them again? Is he the reason Addam has had to grow up without a father? None of this is Alyn’s fault, of course, but a child blaming themselves for the breakdown of their parents’ relationship is a very common thing (speaking from experience). On a rational level, I think this older Alyn knows that really Corlys could never have married Marilda because she herself is lowborn (and potentially also a bastard), but that doesn’t erase the hurt he feels from his childhood. He saw the man he knew was his father with a wife who wasn’t his mother and watched as they raised a son whom Corlys openly loved and cherished.

I have written a detailed response where I go into more depth about my personal canon re. when the fathering of both Alyn and Addam takes place, what I think about what this means for Corlys and Rhaenys’ marriage, etc. but I think I’ll post that separately. I want a little more time to refine my points - especially as I think there’s a lot of different factors at play when it comes to the fandom’s response to Corlys having bastards - and I don’t want to overwhelm you by making what is already a very long answer even longer!

I will summarise briefly here with this: I think Alyn was born before/very early on in Corlys and Rhaenys’ marriage and that Addam was conceived during a very low point in their marriage where Corlys and Rhaenys were both under a lot of strain. I think the conception of Addam occurred through Corlys making a very poor decision in a moment of weakness, seeking comfort he’d normally find in his wife. From S2 Corlys’ lack of knowledge about Marilda, despite her having two children with him, I don’t think it was an ongoing emotional affair, but rather she was an easy escape for him, having already had a child with him. Like I said, I’ll go into more detail with a later post - let me know if you’d like me to tag you!

Thanks again for your ask and I hope this answers at least some of your questions! ☺️

#joycieillustrations #joycie answers #meta?#do I need to make a meta tag now 😂

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kikicandoit · 6 months ago

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Hi! I'm Kiki!

Hello and welcome to my little corner of the Internet! ^-^

My name is Kiki, pronouns she/her, and I’m a writer and illustrator currently based in Canada. I usually write longform original fiction, though I’ve also dabbled in gaming journalism—you may have heard some of the scripts I’ve written for YouTube channels like Did You Know Gaming and TripleJump! I also write and illustrate comics in addition to character illustrations and commissioned works (commission info can be found here!).

As for media, I love movies, video games, and books! I usually prefer things within the “genre fiction” label: fantasy, sci-fi, horror, et cetera. I’m not usually great at keeping up with current things, but I always love discovering a new favorite among older titles. I like monster movies (especially black and white ones!) and curling up under a blanket with a good mystery novel. When it comes to games, I typically like RPGs, fighting games, and adventure games the most.

Before I go any further, here’s some ground rules for my blog:

Transphobia of any kind will not be tolerated.

I don’t post NSFW content on this blog.

Potentially triggering content will be tagged “tw [label].” If I post something without an appropriate warning, please reach out and let me know.

As you’ll soon find out, I’m someone who likes having my fingers in a lot of pies (even when I really shouldn’t @_@) so I’m often dabbling in little projects on the side, or experimenting with new creative mediums to tell stories in, or bingeing a new series.

Here's a breakdown of some things I commonly post about!

My WIPs:

#Corpse Worm: My first original webcomic, a horror-comedy action adventure about monsters engaging in shonen-style battles with unique powers; think Courage the Cowardly Dog meets One Piece. Current status: permanent hiatus, though I’m working on writing a synopsis of the unfinished story to give some closure. You can read it all here.

#The Witching Hours Are 9 to 5: My current webcomic, an urban fantasy buddy comedy about a brother-sister duo of paranormal investigators that combines action with chaotic sibling energy. I started it as a warm-up project, just making something for the sake of making it without stressing about the quality too much, so the art is a bit slapdash but I’m proud of it all the same. Current status: active, updated whenever I feel like it. You can read it on its own website here or on Webtoon here.

#Scarlet Canticle: My primary long-form writing project, a (planned) series of dark fantasy novellas with a gritty, pulpy style to them. I wanted to write something in the vein of Conan the Barbarian but with less…baggage. And more buff women. Current status: actively being worked on!

#Swole Hearts: A visual novel dating sim I'm currently developing in Ren'Py. It's a silly and lighthearted game where you can meet and date buff women. You can play the demo here.

#Ginormous: Another comic project that I’ve done some early work on but not yet committed to full-time. It’s a battle series about people who summon kaiju doing battle with other kaiju. It’s a project where I channel a lot of my love for monster movies. Current status: inactive, but you can read an “episode zero” on Webtoon here.

#Mascara: A comic project I hope to do someday. It’s an action drama about female pro wrestlers (in a setting where wrestling is a legitimate contest). Current status: not even started, I just love drawing the characters I have in mind for it.

#Lonesome Stars: A sci-fi writing project I dabble in on the side about a ragtag group of voyagers in a universe without planets. No real end goal in sight for this one, it’s just for funsies at the moment. Current status: worked on intermittently.

#Cloud Sea: A fantasy setting I created, originally for a book I wanted to write but now it bounces around from project to project—sometimes it’s a novel, sometimes it’s an RPG Maker game, sometimes it’s a homebrew tabletop system. It’s focused on swashbuckling fantasy in an early-industrial world of sky islands and dwindling magic. Current status: worked on when I feel like it.

#Heinous Highness: My first attempt at making a video game, a turn-based RPG where you play as an evil sorceress tired of having her plans for world domination thwarted. Current status: inactive, but I like the characters.

Fandom Tags:

Fandoms that I frequently like to post/reblog about include, but are not limited to:

#Godzilla: My favorite movie series of all time!!! This tag is mostly about Godzilla and related topics specifically, but I also use to include posts about other kaiju as well.

#Ace Attorney: Guilty as charged! I’m a big fan of the Phoenix Wright games!

#Wrestling: Yup, I’m also a filthy mark who loves to watch the graps. It’s still real to me, dammit!

#Jojo: I’m not a huge anime fan normally, but I do love Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

#Darkstalkers: I love fighting games of all kinds, but Darkstalkers holds a special place in my heart. It’ll get a new installment…someday… ;-;

#Tales of Stuff: In addition to fighting games, I also love RPGs, and the Tales series is one of my favorite franchises! I talk about the entire series, but Tales of the Abyss is by far my favorite.

#Castlevania: Another one of my favorite video game series. I’m a fan of the whole kit and kaboodle, though I’ll generally talk about the games more than the animated series.

#Discworld: My favorite series of fantasy novels, and one that continues to inspire me as a writer. GNU Sir Terry.

Miscellaneous Tags:

#Kiki Can Do Art: The tag I put on all of my own original art.

#Kiki Can Do Writing: The tag I use when posting or discussing something I wrote.

#Kiki Can Do Comics: Likewise, I use this tag when posting about my own comics.

#Kiki Can Do Commissions: Usually seen in conjunction with “Kiki Can Do Art,” this tag goes on anything I was commissioned to make for a client.

#Kiki Can Do Journaling: For general bloggery and posting about my life.

#Friend Art: A tag used when reblogging art made by people who are close friends of mine. <3

#Friend Tags: A tag I use for posts that I was tagged in by a friend. It is always morally correct to tag me in things you think I’ll like.

#Fav: A tag I slap on any reblog of something that I find particularly funny or interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog! I hope you like what you see!

#kiki can do journaling #blog intro

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rpfisfine · 7 months ago

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okay I’m done for me personally it went fairly well and the professor really liked one fun Fact that I mentioned (that the authors of the article we were presenting on don’t know the difference between classic and classical literature and use the terms wrong throughout the text a number of times) but the girl legitimately almost had a breakdown like mid her half of the presentation and was a nervous wreck the whole time and is genuinely still pale now so i do feel slightly bad abt the mean things ive said abt her but maybe you wouldn’t have a nervous breakdown if you didn’t create 50 unnecessary long as shit slides for yourself to explain bitch

#i was sooooooo nervous and my vocabulary kind of shrunk down to like 3 words but thankfully just like rpf it’s literally fine #mp

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my-asexual-timeline · 8 months ago

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Coincidentally, my sister and mother might also be ace

So, legitimately, actually, being 100% serious here, like mentioned in my previous post, I actually figured out I’m asexual because the concept of Lois and Peter Griffin from family guy having sex once per week seemed too much for me and thus, I began looking into asexuality seriously. That combined with me legitimately believing that people having sex in movies and TV shows was just a TV trope and people in reality didn’t really have sex that often was the straw that broke the camel’s back. So, where does one go when researching asexuality? The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network of course. Here is a link: https://www.asexuality.org/en/

Fun fact about this website, it was developed in 2001, so this website has existed as long as I have. This website is as old as me. Which is a truly wild concept. But I am truly grateful for the internet on days like that because it has brought so many people the answers they need, me included. The internet is a magical place sometimes. After doing my research and being sure, I came out to my friends and parents, and life was good. I headed off to university and then one night got a call from my sister. That turned into a 45-minute breakdown where I explained to her what asexuality was and how it works as far as I understood it, because I was by no means an expert at that time, I just know how I feel and the general workings. She said she might be demi, but over time has resolved to just declaring herself as ace. My mum I don’t think would admit this out loud, resolving herself to be straight, but my sister and I think she’s ace as well, presumably demi. She told my sister that she’s never had any sort of sexual attraction to anyone but my dad. Which, first of all, aw they're so cute together I love my parents <3, second of all, demisexual behaviour right there. So maybe asexuality runs in the family…

#asexual

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invisiblegarters · 2 years ago

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The End of the World With You Ep 7

Here we are at the penultimate episode. Are you excited? I’m excited. Somehow this show and Bed Friend are my favorite things currently airing.

Man Ritsu is really reflecting on his choices, huh? Have to say that I didn’t expect it, and I do sort of wonder how long he’s been doing so. Presence of the death pill makes me think longer than the world has been ending.

Ooh some Ritsu backstory! I wonder if it’ll make me feel more sympathy for him. I’m sure that’s the intention.

Oh my gosh. Why are parents so awful lately in these dramas? Like who tells their child that they can’t go to the best uni in Japan just because the legitimate kid didn’t get in? Good lord. Parents really do need to stop taking their own screw ups out on their kids. I don’t like Ritsu much, but it’s not actually his fault that his dad cheated on his wife with his mom. Like. Ugh. That little look towards his mom kinda hurt me a bit. No help there, buddy.

In a way I can see why Ritsu’s life mantra is what it is. Pretty much everyone in his life seems to live that way, after all. But

Ah, so Masumi was special. As special as I guess anyone can be to Ritsu. And ooh, nice to see him acknowledging finally exactly what he did to cause the breakup. I’m like a broken record, but there’s nothing wrong with being unable or unwilling to commit to one person so long as everyone is aware and understand / agrees with the situation. But Ritsu knew that Masumi was the one person type. He knew, and so he selfishly tried to have his cake and eat it. Now, Masumi made a lot of assumptions (never ever believe that a player has or will change for you. it’s a sure way to find yourself heartbroken) but Ritsu knew he was making them and let him keep on because he knew that if Masumi ever found out that he was still sleeping with whoever it would be the end.

And I definitely don’t blame their old friend for telling him to keep the hell away when Ritsu made noises about contacting Masumi again. It was a messy break up and a wound that never quite healed over for Masumi, I would say the same if I were his friend. Sometimes you don’t get do overs (unless, I guess, the world is going to end in a matter of days. That would kind of make a lot of things seem less important overall).

That said, I think it’s pretty obvious that Ritsu is depressed and has convinced himself that this is just one more reason he’s the devil incarnate or something. Like there’s something fundamentally broken inside of him.

I disagree with that line of thought. Oh boy do I.

I’m also wholly unsurprised that the first thing Ritsu does after being confronted with his worst failures is go straight for the death pill. Yeah he’s only got to live with himself for what? Two, three more days? but I can see how that might seem like forever when all you can think about is what a shit person you are and how you hurt everyone around you. Ritsu’s been flirting with that pill for a long time.

Ritsu in a nutshell: makes a selfish decision, regrets it, makes an even more selfish decision. My dude.

Masumi’s breakdown upon finding him trying to do the thing finally was really well done.

Turn a blind eye all you like Masumi but maybe get that other pill away from Ritsu just in case eh?

Aw, I’m really glad that Masumi told Ritsu he’s grateful for being dragged out of his inertia. Although my goodness The guy’s been beating himself up about it so much that even I feel a little for him, ha. I’m also grateful that the corpse disposal wasn’t needed after all. That might have put a damper on Masumi’s new ten day lease on life.

I bet the cold water feels really good on his hurt ankle, too.

Not entirely sure I am buying into the romance, I have to say, but this drama is so rich in other ways that I’m not even bothered. In a very big way it’s not even really about the romance, anyway.

I will be sad when it ends. And not just because I don’t really believe it’s going to end happily.

Damn, I love this drama.

#the end of the world with you #bokura no micro na shuumatsu #episode 7

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insomnaticwriter · 2 years ago

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you said you had some stories about your ex you really wanted to tell? (if you’re comfortable with that, ofc- feel free to ignore this)

Edit: THIS IS LONG AS FUCK IM SO SORRY- don’t read unless you want trauma(?) dumping about my ex :) this was a straight up therapy session, I broke all the “don’t trauma dump on the internet” rule. I apologize. Still posting it tho. Good luck :)

👀 which ex- the one I was talking about was my most recent, our relationship lasted a year and a half, we met online and met about 8 months or so in our relationship maybe less, I saw her twice in a matter of a year and a half, both for a week at a time I stayed at her house on whatever break I had available at the time, I think it was fall break and winter. SO NOW THAT BACKGROUND IS OVER.

She had a HUGE issue with me going to school- like any time I talked about it she was mad, any time I talked about wanting to go to college she would try and convince me not to go saying it was useless and it would be idiotic to go because education doesn’t matter because you die either way. We didn’t have many issues (at least ones that were brought up at the time we dated) but this was one of them. Just… me going to school. When I would try talking about it she said VERBATIM “don’t talk about school it makes me sad.” Because she dropped out.

Another was me working. I started worked at 16 and I’m 18 now. 17 when we broke up. I started working and applying to jobs when we were dating, this was when we started to have issues. I’d text her at work, I’d call at school but it never seemed to be enough, she needed to have all of my time or it wasn’t enough. It was getting to the point when I would literally count the minutes of the day I had alone. I still remember. 10 in the morning, 7 when I walked to work, if she didn’t call, and maybe 15 minutes before she called when I got home. This wouldn’t of been an issue but whenever I wanted to go to a school event or work an extra hour or just go out with friends it became a fight and I isolated myself so bad that my friends legitimately held a literal intervention. Sat me down and told me something had to change because I wasn’t my self anymore.

The next thing was therapy. She had.. issues which I won’t share on the internet but they were major and she needed help, something I couldn’t provide her, that I was probably too young to handle at the time, honestly anyone would be too young to handle, including her. Anyway 💅🏻 there were always two sides, I didn’t have it bad enough to need therapy and I shouldn’t go and that she needed it for years and never got it and I just got it when I asked for it OR that I was bipolar and impulsive,m and “crazy” when I did stuff like dye my hair or hang out with friends.

Lol this is long as fuck I’m sorry-

When I tried to tell her that I was gender whatever the fuck I am. Basically tried telling her I wanted to buy a binder and she told me as soon as the words left my mouth that she just couldn’t handle that and it was too much for her.

There was other things like this, like I was expected to handle everything she threw at me and basically got into trouble when I couldn’t handle her breakdowns or mental issues and tried my best but didn’t know what to do, but she always told me my depression or anxiety was nothing and there was no reason for me to have them. And when she told me I didn’t have enough trauma, and then I told her more, she said it was too upsetting to hear.

Also I’m 99% sure she cheated on me. She definitely emotionally cheated on me but I think she also slept with someone else.

WHICH IS JUST A WHOLE OTHER STORY, should I tell it? Hmmmm? Ask me if you want me to share it idc I will. No filter. Not one.

She slept with someone else 12 hours after we broke up and then called me crying about how this other girl didn’t like her and how bipolar she must be because “how can you sleep with someone but not like them.” And how much she liked her and then I asked why the hell she was talking to me about this when we had JUST broken up. We broke up, I went to bed, got to work and she called me doing this- it was weird. She also stayed at her house for two or three days before this happened 🫠

Some other stuff that didn’t bother me as much is that she smoked and did drugs, she’s actually the one who introduced me to weed. But she did it in excess, like every 30 minutes she would get high, every few hours she would smoke a cigarette, every other night she would drink. Her and her friends would get smashed. She was 16-18 when I knew her.

ALSO WE WATCHED YOUNG ROYALS TOGETHER AFTER WE BROKE UP, I WATCHED IT LIKE FIVE TIMES BEFORE THAT BUT WE LIKED IT TOGETHER AND I HATE THAT.

she also texted me 6 months after we broke up saying I was a dumb bitch.

The funny part is my first girlfriend, my other ex, WAY WORSE 🥴

I have some wild ass hookup stories too. I’m bored and willing to share everything on the internet so WHY NOT-

I feel as if you were probably looking for fun light hearted stories- sorry anon! I think I have some if I look hard enough in my file cabinet brain!

#can you tell z is sleepy and bored as fuck #z needs to stop sharing their entire fucking business on the internet #enjoy my shitty ex #tw mention of depression #tw mention of just fucking shitty ex number 2

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