#i legit watch all of these at least once a year

[centrally-unplanned]

Fuck seed oil discourse, fuck globalism conspiracy great replacement bullshit, the internet of today sucks. We have to go back, back to the way things were. When men, real men - who may have been catgirls to be clear since you never saw their faces - would tell you what The System refused to say: that your understanding of a battle from 2000+ years ago that you got from Westpoint textbook formation diagrams as bastardized by some other YouTube channel is an inaccurate portrayal of the event based on the 500 hours they spent building a brick-by-brick simulation of the battle in the Unreal engine. Enviously-autistic levels of devotion to a topic that is never, ever going to be politically or personally relevant a day of your life.

This is what the internet is for.

Anyway I only just started watching, but I can tell I am gonna be a fighter with dear Invicta up here. My bet is that 50% of this video's point is going to be the perfectly correct statement that the 1970's model of the battle that people have in their minds is wrong. Back when academics read Livy, read Polybius, and were like "yep, these two authors who are honestly contradicting themselves 20% of the time sound legit, let's take em at their word". Which is a valid point to make, obviously, I just bet the branding of the video will run a bit of aground of the need to cite the dozens of more modern academics who already know this. You have "you are wrong about Cannae" articles dating back to the 90's, and that is just one I knew off the top of my head - I have no doubt there are earlier ones. Cannae's sources are spotty, and our understanding of it will always be vague and debated.

The other 50% is going to be what I would call "model devotion" - essentially taking the conclusions of the model as a sort of gospel. But the model is, of course, built from the same vague guesswork as the spotty sources, and is a process of embedding assumptions. Right in the opening he declares that "once you realize how big the battle is, the idea of an organized retreat over a distance of a kilometer is impossible to consider" idk man I can consider it! Have you looked at military history? People do crazy shit, particularly when they are prepared to do it. If Nasir could lead men 600 miles across the desert to attack Aqaba by land, I think these guys can fight for a few kilometers. Doesn't mean they did, but in particular if it was so crazy contemporary sources probably would have pointed it out themselves (Polybius, not Livy - Livy sucks). People tend to over-assume the ignorance of the past - Cannae was a momentous event. Romans wanted to understand it, and we should extend at least some credit to them on that front.

But again, I have only watched a little bit of it - overall it looks great, really! He clearly did a ton of research and work, anyone who is building custom maps of the Aufidus River's historical floodplain to estimate various battle site locations deserves all the credit in the world. I will watch the whole thing, maybe he will convince me!

[trans-leek-cookie]

listen I'm not gonna be a Curly apologist he did Fucked Up as captain but I genuinely recommend ppl watch a playthru that goes thru the game in chronological order. It kinda helps clear up the events and gaps between them, bc even tho u See the times, you still experience it out of order.

The stuff Anya says definitely sets off alarm bells but it doesn't seem like he Fully Understands what she means, and I'm going to be 100% honest I think she was trying to repress it herself. This isn't to say that she is AT ALL "at fault" for what happened after and she should've gotten help even if she wasn't ready to fully discuss the issue but I genuinely think she herself was still coming to terms with things, so she didn't necessarily process the full impact before talking to Curly, and a lot of what happens occurs after they're laid off- like this delves into personal interpretation but I genuinely think Anya only registered Jimmy as a serious danger after his outburst towards Curly. Ofc my interpretation is limited bc of the limited pov in game and not having gone through what she has, but it personally reads more akin to coercion over time than a singular Obviously Violent incident (like. Not to say that Sexual Assault isnt violent in nature, just that coercion often specifically works to obfuscate the fact it is a form of violence.) The layoff is a Massive catalyst for her bc of Jimmy, in that she now has a very clear understanding of his capacity for aggression.

To extrapolate a little from the "Dead Pixel" conversation, she starts by saying she Likes The Screen (even though it's fake). While Curly has his quotes about the pixel "not ruining the illusion" which. Y'know is Symbolic Of His Flaws. She doesn't say the pixel ruins it, just that she can't get it out of her mind.

If we take the pixel to represent her Or jimmy, either way the way she talks about it kind of downplays things, like it's a Minor Thing that's Slightly Upsetting, but she's still okay with the big picture. Idk I could be 100% wrong but that is my take

Besides that, Anya tells curly she's pregnant 2 days before the crash, and it isn't until she outright states it that he starts Putting The Pieces Together. I want to note, he says "I'd do anything" and "this doesn't have to go on our performance evals" 1. Before he knows shes pregnant 2. Under the assumption she might attempt suicide, and I doubt he even thought about her using the gun on anyone else before she brings that up. He says literally before the line where she tells him she's pregnant that "being laid off isnt a reason to hurt [herself]". Like I've seen ppl talk about the performance evaluation thing like it's about her and jimmy, but I think he's referring to (his belief) that she might attempt suicide or similar which might genuinely be a consistent thing he's seen her struggle with, given she's able to go through with it. Also just to note: assuming their society is like ours (hellish) reassuring her he won't blab Abt her mental health is like. Genuine reassurance- lots of mentally ill ppl will Not Open Up bc it could have long term consequences (like. For example. On employment) ANYWAYS I hope it doesn't come off like "Curly never failed Anya" but rather "Curly approached this specific situation without the context of why Anya is panicking and (possibly validly) assuming she's dealing with a very different issue"

Also let me say again the time frame is 2 days. We don't Really see what happens, but we know Anya tells Jimmy without Curly knowing. I genuinely believe he maybe didn't do a Great Job in those two days (the fact he says Anya should've talked to Him before telling Jimmy is uhhh. Mm. 1. Your job to create an environment where she comes to you my man 2. Weird to tell her what she should do with HER OWN PERSONAL INFORMATION) but like.

I get a lot of ppl want immediate consequences but consider that they can't really get rid of Jimmy (co pilot. Which is. Y'know it's Own Problems) but also like. Curly knows Jimmy, and we know that Jimmy tends to lash out. Curly should probably Not Confront Jimmy Unless He Knows Exactly How To Keep Him From Hurting Anya. Like I'm not an expert but this is something genuinely important- when confronting an abuser you NEED to take into account the impact it can have on their victim, and sometimes for the victims safety you need to wait until you have a Solid Plan. It sucks but it's important.

And theres discussion to be had about Curly kinda going along with Jimmy saying "well what if we all died" and like. I do believe he Didn't Realize What Jimmy Said. Like he was just processing/trying to keep the situation under control (and failing because he underestimated how willing Jimmy was to hurt everyone including himself).

Like he's definitely an enabler but I would say his problems are mostly before he understands the gravity of the situation, in that he's friends with Jimmy and assumes the best of a man with abusive tendencies, and fails to create an environment that can keep Anya and the others safe. Like, he definitely doesn't handle in game events perfectly (psych evaluation for one- he does do it instead of Anya which is actually helpful, but he still treats it like. Weirdly.)

Idk I have a lot of thoughts about this game and I don't necessarily want to defend Curly but more like. Anya's situation is very delicate (and light on details) so sometimes the way ppl talk Abt it feels like they aren't actually focused on what she wants and what it means to prioritize her safety y'know?

Edit bc I just now figured out kinda how I want to word it: curly is an enabler and making things worse bc he doesn't put a stop to Jimmy's BS, but in the specific scenario we see in game I think he's trying to use his Skillset of like, people pleasing not for Jimmy's sake but for the crews (like "if I nod my head and say I sympathize he won't lash out and hurt them") which like. There are situations which that is unfortunately the safest option (on an individual level yes, but sometimes it's also necessary to prevent abusers lashing out in response toward ppl who are more vulnerable) but it was the Wrong Choice.

It's like. I think Curly was trying and had good intentions, and understood that he needed to protect the crew, but he didn't have the toolset/experience to realize he can't Just go along with things and that he needs to be able to set hard limits, even for ppl he likes and trusts. Like he failed but the failure was "for want of a nail", where it began way before what we see (for want of an understanding of power dynamics I guess.) Again, don't think this makes curly more forgivable or whatever, I just think he's a good example of trying to make the right choices when you never realized you'd have to make these kinds of decisions and therefore are unprepared and/or unaware

Second edit: personally I don't think you can really incapacitate jimmy without there being serious risk (again he's the copilot) but curly should've given Anya the gun when she told him Abt the pregnancy

[lieutenantselnia]

Internet archive I love you❤️❤️❤️

[penkura]

A Baby Sister

Note: I didn't realize it until I was writing this, but I legit gave all these men a daughter for their second child (or first or third for two of them on this). I can't believe I didn't notice, lol, I would've moved things around a little but, this is fine honestly. I tried to make it really cute and fluff, but the bonus turned a little angsty. :') The bonus is also what led to me wanting to write this. Enjoy!

Rogue is three when you and Ace have your second child, another little girl you name Ann. She’s just as tiny as her big sister was, and while Rogue has your hair, Ann looks exactly like Ace, all the way down her freckles. Ace definitely cried again when he got to hold her, hell he was crying as soon as she was born, you totally expected it though.

Rogue hated the two days she wasn’t with you, both you and Ace deciding to give her some time before you introduced her to her newborn sister, she stayed with Luffy and Sabo during the time you were in the hospital. After you’ve gone home, Ace picked her up and she refused to let him go until he got her home, when she sees you she hurries over to the couch and hugs you so tightly that you really do feel bad for having not seen her the last two days.

“Mama, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Rogue! We’ve got a surprise for you, sweetheart.”

She brightens up hearing that, excitedly trying to ask what the surprise was while Ace brings Ann over, handing her to you before he picks up Rogue and sets her in his lap so she can see better.

“Rogue, this is your little sister, Ann.”

Rogue is beyond excited, she wants nothing more the rest of the day than to hold her sister, to the point she starts crying and Ace has to calm her down when you have to take your newborn to feed and change her. Once she has her back, Ace starts to feel a little jealous simply because he also wants to hold Ann for a while. The whole thing just makes you laugh and appreciate that you have others who want to hold her.

“At least she’s not mad about having a sister.”

Ace just pouts a bit in return. “I want to hold her too…”

~~

Law brings your son, six-year-old Rosinante, to see and meet his baby sister the day she was born. He takes him by your hospital room first, so your son can get some time with you before seeing his new little sister, even though he’s excited to meet her. He starts getting antsy and almost begging to meet her, before you finally laugh and look at Law.

“Why don’t you take him by the nursery? I’ll be fine for a bit.”

Agreeing with your suggestion, Law gives you a quick kiss on the forehead before taking Rosi’s hand and leading him down the hall to the nursery, stopping at the window and trying to find where your daughter was in the room. Once he finds her, he picks up Rosi and points where your newborn’s nursery bed is.

“See right there? That’s your sister, she’s got the bear you picked out for her.”

Rosi’s eyes light up once he sees where she is, seeing Law is correct, the little polar bear plush he’d picked out months ago was in the corner of the bed. She’s so small! He didn’t think she’d ever be so little, even after he met some of your friends babies, they were all a few months old.

“What’s her name, dad?”

“Cora. She’s got a hat on, but she has the same hair color you and I do.”

Rosi nods while Law watches him for a minute, smiling just a bit. He had been a little concerned about how your son would react when you decided to have another child, but you were able to convince him that Rosi would be a wonderful big brother, he had Law as an example, after all. Watching Rosi over the last several months, from when he grinned and hugged you when you told him you were pregnant, to when he was happy to hear he was getting a sister, you were proven right over and over again.

After watching him for a few moments, Law presses a kiss to the top of your son’s head and looks back to your daughter.

“Cora’s going to be depending on you, all right? My sister relied on me for somethings while she was little, so do your best, and your mom and I will help you both.”

“Okay, dad,” Rosi nods, before looking back to Law, “Can I hold her?”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll go back to mom’s room and get them to bring her in.”

~~

Having been an only child, Penguin wasn’t sure how your four-year-old daughter Wren was going to react to meeting her little sister, Ivy. Wren had seemed a bit concerned at the beginning of your pregnancy when you were sick, and didn’t have much of a reaction when you told her the baby was a girl. She barely had any interest in meeting Law’s newborn daughter a few weeks prior, running off to play with Rosi instead.

Once your second child was born, Penguin brought Wren to meet her, but after finally seeing her new sister, she refused to hold her, instead holding onto Penguin and hiding her face in his shoulder. After you bring Ivy home, Wren still isn’t interested in seeing her much, attaching herself to whichever one of you isn’t holding the new baby at the time.

Eventually, when Ivy is sleeping in her bassinet one day, Wren stands up on her tiptoes to watch her baby sister sleep. She’s still not sure about this, having a little sibling so suddenly, but she’s starting to think it’s okay, after watching you and Penguin with her the last few weeks. Wren reaches out and barely touches Ivy’s tiny hand, almost beaming when her baby sister grabs onto her finger.

You and Penguin had been watching Wren while she stared at Ivy, just making sure everything was all right, and it makes him smile at the same time when she starts to accept her new baby sister. When you lean into him, Penguin hugs you close and kisses your temple.

“I told you everything would be fine. She just needed some time.”

“Yeah, I know…you’re always right in the end.”

~~

Having twins was a trip already, you still don’t know how Sanji convinced you to have another child. Sora and Angel were a handful at times, but now that they were five-years-old, they could do more on their own, and Sanji used that as a reason for you to go ahead and have your next baby, which ended up happening immediately. You figured it would be a few months of trying before you got a positive test but nope, first try out the gate and here comes baby number three.

You don’t mind so much once your second daughter is born, a blonde little girl you choose to name Grace, she seems so much smaller than either of the twins were despite being born full term. She’s a perfect addition to your family though, and your twins think the same when they get to meet her.

Both are pushing the other away from the nursery bed, standing on the side facing out from your hospital bed, trying to get a good look at their sister. Angel is beyond thrilled at having a baby sister, while Sora just wants to see what she looks like.

Sanji eventually goes over and lifts up Angel, telling the two to be quiet because you were sleeping, and so was baby Grace. Angel quiets when she’s able to see her little sister better, Sora following suit as he can actually see her now. The two just watch her sleep, Sanji wonders if they’re actually happy or worried about having a new baby sibling until Angel looks at him.

“Can I hold her?”

“I wanna hold her!”

“I asked first!”

“I’m older!!”

Sighing, Sanji smiles in relief, glad your twins are excited about the new baby, until she starts to cry because they’ve disturbed her with their argument about who gets to hold her first.

~~

Keitaro has just barely turned two when you have your daughter. You never expected to have two in two, but it happened and truthfully, you weren’t upset about it when you found out you had a little girl. She’s so tiny when Zoro holds her, he's completely in love the moment he sees her. Your children were both unplanned, but you don’t think you’d change anything about how your life is going, and Zoro is the same, he's told you that multiple times.

When Keitaro properly meets her, it’s a few days after she’s born, some rule the midwives in Shimotsuki Village still follow, they wouldn’t even let Zoro be with you when you gave birth, you really had wished you were still on the Sunny this time. It’s not really a formal meeting for the two, but you think it works just fine.

Keitaro sits up on the floor by your daughter laying on a pink baby blanket that Robin had given you for her, she just somehow knew you were having a girl. Your son just stares at her for a long time, a pacifier in his mouth that doesn’t let you see what he’s really thinking. He reaches over to touch her cheek after a few minutes, a small giggle leaving his mouth when she scrunches her face and pouts in her sleep. Zoro stops him before he does it too much, placing his hand in front of your toddler’s to keep him from making her cry.

“That’s enough, you don’t want her to cry.”

Keitaro whines before pouting himself, until he squeals when Zoro lifts him up and sets him in his lap.

“Her name’s Kuina. What do you think, buddy?”

He tries to sound it out, but he’s still too little to say it correctly, the name mostly coming out as ‘Koo-na’, which makes you smile even as he starts to get frustrated and nearly cries before you gently shush him.

“Shh, it’s okay. You can just call her baby until you’re ready.”

Rubbing at his eyes, Keitaro yawns and snuggles against Zoro, part of his frustration being from needing a nap. You both watch as your children sleep quietly, glad their first meeting went well, anxious to see how the two grow up now.

~~

Your and Corazon’s first child, a baby girl, comes along just two months after you’ve taken in and formally adopted ten-year-old Trafalgar Law, when you’re both just twenty-three yourselves. Almost overnight you have two children to take care of, though Law isn’t that interested in your daughter at first. You get it, he’s still working through the sudden loss of his parents and little sister, he calls you and your husband by nicknames, not viewing you as his parents yet but that’s fine, you don’t want to rush anything with him.

It’s why you tell Corazon not to force Law to see your daughter right away, when the boy refuses to have anything to do with her and leaves your hospital room. You’re not upset at all, you know this must be hard for him. To lose and regain a family in a matter of weeks, then have a new sister so quickly as well, it’s a lot to take in at such a young age. You know he hasn’t gone too far, probably just sitting by your door, he’s just overwhelmed, you reason to Corazon, who nearly dragged Law back when he turned to leave before running out.

“He needs time, we need to give him that.”

It’s later that day, when Corazon has left to get something for him and Law to eat, that he leaves the three of you alone, finally convincing Law to at least sit in your room instead of outside the door. You have been holding your daughter for a while, noticing that Law is quietly looking over every now and then, and it makes you smile.

“You wanna come see her? It’s okay if you don’t. I won’t force you, Law.”

He doesn’t say anything, but eventually comes over, sitting beside you to get a look at your newborn while you adjust her blanket so he can see her face better. It’s hard for you to get a read on Law sometimes, he’s already good at masking his emotions, so you give him a few minutes of watching her before you say anything.

“Her name is Evangeline. What do you think?”

“…she’s small.”

“She is! She’s got her daddy’s hair too!”

“I was hoping she’d look like you.”

That makes you laugh lightly, nodding. It probably has to do with his sister having looked like his mother, you’ve seen the few pictures he has of his family. They were both lovely, Law looks just like his father. After another moment or so, you’re surprised but happy to see him reach over and let Evangeline hold his hand, the slightest smile on his face.

“Can you do me a favor, Law? Evie is my first baby, and I know you’ve had a bit of experience with your sister…can you help me and Rosinante take care of her? She’s going to need a great big brother to watch over her.”

There’s no response for a bit, but when he nods, you’re happily relieved. You were worried that he wasn’t going to accept another change so quickly, even though you knew it would likely take a long time for him to get used to this.

When Corazon comes back, he can’t fight the smile on his face to see the three of you sleeping, Evangeline still in your arms while Law is attached to your side, holding onto your arm.

Everything is going to be fine.

[devilmademewriteit]

Ultraviolence

pairing: raider!joel miller x fem!afab!reader

summary: thank god—a handsome stranger saves you from the grips of a pack of cruel, cruel men. unfortunately, said stranger, joel miller, is cut from the exact same cloth as the rest of them.

warnings: oh. boy. rough sex/smut (fem penetration, fingering, cum play if you squint) so 18+ only content; fem!afab!reader; raider!joel; canon typical violence; mentions of hair pulling/reader having long hair; light dacryphilia; age gap; pet names (baby, darlin’, sweetheart, girl); slapping, spanking, choking; !!!NONCON!!! (sexual violence/assault, coercion, allusions to more sexual abuse—Dead Dove, Do Not Eat y’all, protect yourselves).

word count: 4k+

no use of y/n in this fic

alright y’all!!! here is the non-con raider!joel fic!! stay tuned for the version coming out soon wherein Joel actually rescues the reader LOL join the taglist to be notified when I post it!!! y’all’s requests will quite legit be the death of me BUT this was fun to write so im not mad. this version is just purely depraved & Joel ‘Big Dick’ Miller is a mean mean man. wrote it pretty fast too so b nice 2 me.

love u all, sorry for searing your eyeballs:)

-em<3

—

The stucco prickles and tears at the flushed skin of your cheek, a reminder that it’ll be winter soon. The birds are sure of it, and most of them managed to get away before the frost stood a chance of nipping them.

You didn’t.

After a few years of non-stop struggle, losing everything but your own life, you figured there were worse ways to go. At least you would be… well—you, in the end.

In whatever shape this man and his leering group of accomplices left you in.

“Against the wall,” and his voice had been the crack of a whip, snapping by your ear as electricity shot up and down your spine, as the tingling realization that the chase was over—the jig, up—settled into your bones. “Spread your fuckin’ legs.”

There were more hounds around… waiting.

Always waiting.

They’d already gotten to your old, tattered clothes. The brisk air bites at your exposed skin, but at least the cold would account for the violent shivers wracking your limbs. Even as the beast pins you to the side of the decrepit house, forces himself between your knees, your primary preoccupation is to stifle your fear.

They’d get everything else on display—but they would never get to see that.

When the screaming starts, those confused grunts, huffs, and squelches of a blade carving into flesh, you mostly commend your own imagination:

“I did it. I’m in my happy place. This will be quick, then.”

But then a rough, unfamiliar hand grabs hold of your naked waist, flipping you around, slamming your spine against the frosty stucco.

This is real.

And you bear witness to his carnage.

He painted the side of the house into a mosaic of inter-mingling blood, splattered like a Pollock against the grass, the wrinkled clothes and the rugged face of your salvation.

His eyes rake over your still-trembling body before he wrenches a red-coated knife—never breaking eye-contact—from the throat of the man you’d been at the mercy of just a few seconds ago.

Blood gushes up from the fatal wound, and you both watch the cruel scene, mesmerized. The attacker’s eyes dull, all evil dissipating from that once-ferocious gaze. The rescuer’s big, wide hands flip him over, stripping him of his stained beige jacket. Then, he carelessly kicks the lifeless form face-down onto the yellowing grass.

“Put it on.”

You uncross your arms, snatching the coat from the stranger’s extended hands. It doesn’t bother you, its belonging to him.

He’s dead; you get his coat.

A fair exchange.

He keeps an eye on you as he sorts through the pickings: a few strips of dried meat here, a loaded gun there (two bullets in the clip—you watch as he checks), and a few good blades, stashed inside pockets, bags, and down shirt-fronts.

The man straightens up.

Tall.

“Get in front of me,” his low baritone strikes you, causing your knees to concede to a slight wobble. “You run, you die. Got it?”

Texan.

Slowly, you nod, and a firm grip circles your wrist, tearing you from the wall.

“Walk.”

Your heart hammers—near deafening in your ears—as the stranger stalks behind you, directing your trembling movements with brusque, snapped commands.

Finally, the scattered orangey-red leaves begin to multiply, the domestic remnants of a past civilization thinning. The neighborhood opens into a field; large oaks and slouching willows shiver under the weak glare of the afternoon sun.

There’s a house up there. It seems to be in alright shape (some things are built tougher than others) and it’s certainly a step up from a few of the more… unsavory places the outbreak had led you to.

Nearing it, you take not of how much it resembles a barn-house. Red, pentagonal roof, and a big, wide, brown front door.

Gingerly stepping a foot on the cracked wood of the porch, you turn to face your rescuer, uncertainty tying slippery knots in your tummy.

Because there’s clamour coming from inside. There’s people in there.

The momentary hesitation allows you to get a good look at your rescuer: he’s greying and dark—mixed, likely, or just disposed to a stubborn tan—and probably in his mid forties. Probably handsome, too, if it weren’t for the resident cruel scowl deepening his apathetic expression, or the violence dancing in his eyes.

A raise of his eyebrows.

“I tell you to stop?” He nods towards the looming house. “Move.”

But… you don’t.

“Are you gonna kill me?” and you’re downright shocked by the strength—the resignation—of your tone, the way the question comes out so matter-of-fact.

That sparse mustache crinkles in the corners, teasing into something wicked. “You want me to?”

“No.”

“So get movin’, then.”

That left little room for debate.

So, you turn, fingers and knees shaking with anxious anticipation. He cuts in front of you at the last minute, shoving the front door open with his knife at his side—for you or for something else, you’re not entirely certain.

He pulls you into the foyer by your forearm; to your great dismay, you’re faced with an entire group of middle-aged men. Killers—for sure—leering at you with that same starved, animalistic look your rescuer had fixed you with.

Then, he tosses the bag on the floor.

“Found ‘em by the school. Decent haul.”

Their eyes tilt to your shuddering frame, dwarfed by the jacket weighing down your shoulders. One of them looks strangely familiar, proud features reminding you of something else you were afraid of. “No shit, huh,” he commends, “Nice work, Joel.”

Joel.

As the shaggy-haired man speaks, his voice strikes familial resemblance, and it dawns on you. Your rescuer’s brother, or at the very least a cousin.

And what he says is a clearly marked taunt. That much is clear. Uttered with the kind of cruel camaraderie which collected on the tongues of men who committed acts of violence together.

Who hunted together.

And it’s obvious you’re not being rescued. Just… reclaimed. Redistributed.

Fuck.

Another voice joins the mix. “How much you think y’could get for her?”

Joel’s profile turns, harsh, brutal lines forming as he assesses you. “Depends,” and then—ohmothermary—he smirks.

“Gonna have to test her out first.”

A few snickers.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

You’re trapped with nowhere to go, once again surrounded by a gaggle of soulless monsters. Fear grips you, but thankfully, it’s muted, now, having been mostly expended during the harrowing events of the morning.

Just an hour ago, pressed to the side of an abandoned house, you’d allowed yourself to give up.

So, it feels easy—natural—settling back into that rhythm.

To submit to your inevitable, violent fate.

Joel’s voice cuts through the clamour of your racing thoughts. “Upstairs, the room with the open door. Go.”

Eyes glued to the floor, you put one foot in front of the other, your insides twisting and turning inside your core. Fuck, you can feel the pairs of eyes following you with every step you take. The stairs creak as your weight presses into them, squealing like wounded prey.

“N’ take that fuckin’ jacket off,” Joel calls after you, the echoes of his booming voice and the group’s degrading laughter chasing you all the way up into the room—the one with the open door.

And it’s nice, surprisingly. Dusty, admittedly, and clearly having belonged to someone else—a long, long time ago—but the bed is made, the window lets the light in, and the walls remind you of cinnamon.

No, this wouldn’t be the worst prison. Or the worst place to die. It’s a sure-fire step up from the gutter between two dilapidated houses.

You keep the jacket on, shivering under its weight. Even as you hear footsteps climbing the stairs, even as the more rational, civilized side of your mind urges you to accede to your (non)rescuer’s every command.

The conversation downstairs dies off just as Joel rounds the corner, appearing in the doorway—a giant. Though your stomach lurches, and though your legs feel like putty, you hold your ground.

“I’ll fight, you know,” you hiss, watching him seal off the entrance to the room behind him. His flannel has droplets of blood on the collar—reminders of your previous captor—would your other attacker have been a better option? Who’d be more merciful to your quivering body?

You charge your voice with every last modicum of strength at your disposal. “I’ll fight.”

He turns, smirking softly at your clenched fists. “S’good, sweetheart. I like a little fight.” He stalks towards you, swiping his thumb along the plushness of his bottom lip, his intimidating presence forcing your back to meet the flat hardness of the wall behind you.

So much for fighting.

There’s nothing living in his eyes as he says it—nothing save the roiling flames of hunger: “You see those guys downstairs?”

You glare up at him, trying not to notice the alluring hook of his nose, or the way your body works against you, responding to the earthy smell of him.

Then, you nod, wordlessly.

“Did you count ‘em?” He splays a hand beside your head, using one hand to pry your arms uncrossed.

Again, you nod. “How many?” He asks, his voice deceptively soft.

“Five.” Breathless.

“S’right, sweetheart. Ever had your lil’ holes stuffed by five guys at once?”

A swallow, and your voice cracks when you’re finally able to put it to use. “No.”

He pries your elbows to your sides, pulling the beige fabric open, revealing the torn remains of your underwear.

It’s almost a croon, feigned concern underpinning his low tone. “You wanna see what it’s like?” He drinks in the sight of your bare chest, almost groaning at the sight of your naked front.

It’s not cold anymore; no, suddenly you’re very hot.

“No, please, no.”

He slips the coat off of your shoulders, letting it fall in a heap to the ground. He assesses you once more: studying every square inch of your skin under his shadowed eyes.

“M’only gonna say this once, sweetheart.” All that fake-gentleness fades from his tone, replaced by the sadistic, authoritative timbre he’d first greeted you with. “I need you to be very careful.”

You’re frozen—all that fight, it drains out of you, captivated by the raider’s looming form, his mesmerizing speech.

“You’re alone, yeah?” A nod, which he acknowledges, trailing a hand up the length of your waist. “S’what I thought. N’ the way I found you today? That’s a best-case-scenario for a girl like you, out here on your own.”

He drags a finger up the centre of your breast, skilled fingertips just barely brushing the peaked nipple. You lean into his touch—the near imperceptible arch of your back doesn’t go unnoticed, and you kick yourself internally as the corners of his lips twitch up.

Still, the raider ignores your trembling.

“You’re mine, now,” he continues, egged on by your involuntary movement. “Means you’re gonna be a good girl n’ do as I say, n’ I’ll make sure I’m the only man who touches you.” His big hand drops to his heavy silver buckle, and the clearly defined, bulging lines underneath it have your heart clawing out of your chest. Joel senses your fear—and it only makes him harder. “I don’t like sharin’ what’s mine, y’know? But you try anything—you step outta line—I’ll throw you to my guys downstairs.”

His hand finds your throat, hunger and warning beating to the same rhythm in his gaze. “I have no problem watching.” He gives your larynx a squeeze, multitasking as he pulls the strap of his belt through the worn loops of his denim. “Understood?”

You have no words left, shaking from head to toe as the reality of the situation finally settles in.

As he works the intimidating weight of his cock out of his jeans.

A huff. Joel flips you over, impatient, pressing your scraped up cheek to the cinnamon-brown of the wall.

Déjà vù.

Your knees are separated by his own, and his weight flattens you. He wastes no time: lining himself up, his tip separates your folds. Resistance is futile—with one hand, he holds your thighs open—even as they try to press themselves closed, even as you whimper at the rough, male knuckles pressed to bruise on the insides of your legs.

Leaving his mark.

It’s not an option to simply take it. Joel forces you to participate in the sinful act: “I asked you a fuckin’ question,” he growls, gripping your chin indelicately. “You understand me, girl?”

A swallow and a flinch as you feel the head of his cock poke at your entrance. “Yes. Okay. Yes.”

“Yes, Joel,” he corrects. “Use my name. You’re mine now. Use my fuckin’ name.”

Tears prick the corners of your eyes at the promised savagery in his tone. Holding back a sob, you respond: “Yes, Joel.”

You watch his hand, large and capable, splaying out a mere inch away from the tip of your nose. “Good,” he commends. “Z’are the only fuckin’ words you know, from now on.”

His free hand slaps against your hip, yanking you down onto his hard length. Your hips buck up against his abdomen, responding to the pull of his fingertips, even as you cry out at the sting, the stretch. The raider tries to force himself between your walls—muttering a grunted “shit”—and thrusting up against your ass.

But you’re too tight, too tense, and your stubborn body refuses to open up for him. Finally listening to you.

“Relax,” he orders, surprisingly softly. He moves his hand from your hip to the apex of your thighs, rubbing rough circles against your clit. Fuck, how’d he find it so fast? You gasp at the feel of his fingertips against your most sensitive, touch-starved spot, hating yourself for the way his pressure makes you feel.

Because…

Because—fuck.

It feels… good. The man knows exactly what he’s doing—methodical in his ministrations, prepping you only enough to ensure his own eventual pleasure. “S’too tight, baby,” he breathes against your neck, “Need to loosen up for me, yeah?”

He’s not gentle. No part of it is gentle. Nonetheless, pleasure ripples through your centre and down your thighs as he effectively turns you on.

“Thaaaaaa’s right,” and his voice is mocking and taunting and degrading as he drags his digits away, grabbing and pulling at your breasts, instead. Feeling the involuntary release of your cunt, Joel finally pushes himself in, sheathing the long, thick length of his cock inside you.

“Need to show this pussy what it’s fuckin’ made for.”

A current of pain flutters up your cunt just as he fills it up to the brim. You can’t help it—your stoicism crumbles to dust—and a soft, scared, pained whimper tumbles from your lips.

And he groans at it, thrusting roughly, over and over again. And again. “Hurts, does it?”

His breath is hot against your ear, and despite the fear, the ancient instincts gripping your bones, telling you to run, run, run, fight, fight, fight—it’s… enticing.

Hot.

“It hurts.”

He laughs, low and dark, bringing his hands to circle your hips, steadying you as you stumble on your tip-toes.

“Cry about it.”

And he keeps on going, tearing you open. The way his girth touches every starved part of your insides leaves you wanting, even despite the sting of his fingernails biting into your hips, the tears and cuts stinging at your opening.

You hate yourself for it.

But you clench around him, stifling a pathetic moan.

God, no—I am not enjoying this.

He breathes another laugh. “Feelin’ full, baby? Tell me how good it feels, c’mon,” and your inhalations come in heaves as he pounds into you, delivering a harsh slap to the side of your hip, hard enough for your skin to ripple from the contact. “Do as I say.”

When you refuse to sate him, swallowing all of your little noises, Joel grips your throat, bringing your head slamming against his shoulder. Your back arches into a perfect crescent, spine contorting at his will. A gasped cry fans out against his salt-and-pepper jaw.

A sob—of fear, of frustration, of reluctant pleasure. “You’re evil.”

The grip on your throat tightens, and he looses another laugh, squeezing your skin, muscles, and tendons oh-so-tight.

You’d be wrecked, bruised—branded—come sunrise.

“Yeah?” He groans, cock slamming up into your very guts.

“M-mhmm—” and the saltwater tears start pouring, trailing glistening slopes down your cheeks in long, long lines. Distantly, you hear his answer—“Yeah, well, you’re wet”—as those silver droplets keep on falling. Where they come from, you aren’t certain; of course, the terror, the physical torture, and the frustration at your entrapment contribute to the mess under your eyes.

But that warmth… the unbridled desire radiating between your thighs… that wasn’t helping, either.

“Fuuuuck,” he groans, muttering another “S’it—s’right,” and releasing your throat to tilt your head up to face him. He drinks in his creation, the ruined sight of your tear-stricken face, and his cock swells between your beaten walls. “God, you look so fuckin’ pretty takin’ it from me—cryin’ like your lil’ pussy ain’t desperate for this.”

Joel smiles when you sob.

It goes on for a while. He doesn’t tire quickly, bringing you right up to the edge of reluctant ecstasy before you remind yourself of the hatred you owed the man fucking into you. You get used to the sound of his hips snapping against your skin, your cries mingling with his gravelly, low grunts. It’s a dirty, depraved symphony—orchestrated by the monster between your thighs.

You can’t help the moan that escapes your lips when he finally, finally brings his fingers back down between your legs. He grunts in approval, barely grazing the length of your folds, pressing his thumb into the delicate flesh of your thigh, instead. “Dirty lil’ girl—fuckin’ dyin’ to be an old man’s whore, z’that it?” and he doesn’t even touch you, focussed on his own pleasure, but the proximity alone is enough to have you wrecked.

And you just can’t help it: “J-joel—”

“Y’know,” he chuckles, slightly out of breath, slowing his strokes to address your wanton whine, “You’re gonna make such a good lil’ fuck-toy, baby, f’you keep makin’ those pretty lil’ noises for me.”

The reality of the situation comes barrelling down on you as he acknowledges—praises—your enjoyment of his torture.

This man… this man was cruel. He was hurting you, and enjoying it.

You struggle against him, a pathetic show of weakness. Joel holds you in place effortlessly, arching your back further, keeping your hips preened back to receive the harsh thrusts he delivers to your torn, ruined cunt. “Where you goin’?” He laughs at your pathetic attempt at resistance, grips tightening. “Thought we were havin’ fun, baby—don’t it feel good?”

And he quickens again, slamming into every needy spot inside you. His breaths grow shallow, as rough as his hands and the ferocity of this punishment.

“No,” you manage, fingernails digging into his forearm.

He tuts, the vocal click constricted with lust, and his hand travels the length of you, settling against that aching bud between your thighs. “Fuckin’ liar.”

He presses down, proving his point. Your entire body tenses as pleasure ripples through you—despite your best efforts, climax crests through your core, threatening to implode within you. Joel hums, smirking when he feels your legs parting even wider.

“S’mine now, alright? You’re mine now.” He crams every inch of his cock up inside you, pulling you flush against his chest. “S’okay to come for me—s’okay, baby, I want you to—s’fuckin’ right, let go for me, baby—” and his crooning takes you over the edge.

Christ, it feels so good.

You clench around him, high-pitched pleas and moans tumbling from your lips, his own pair dragging down the swoop of your ear. In that split second, Joel—the devil at your back—is your favourite thing in the world: your hero, your haven, your God. Fuck, you could just kiss him, marry him, fuck him over and over and over and over—

A hand clamps over your mouth during those brief, blissful moments; the man practically bounces you up and down the length of him, muffling the cries of pain and pleasure tearing from your sore throat against the rough skin of his palm. He groans inside your ear—a stammered, sinful “fuuuck”—and then he’s spilling his seed inside you, shoving it impossibly deep as those quick, harsh strokes stutter and slow.

You come to, waking up from your pleasure-drunk daze. Before you get the opportunity to wriggle away from him, the monster flips you over again, slamming your shoulders to the wall. With his forearm barring your chest, and despite your fear and ire—somehow, all you can think about is the fact that he’s not as out of breath as he really should be (given his age and, of course, what he’d just done to you).

Joel leaks out of you. His cum paints masterpieces down your legs.

He slides his free hand down the length of his cock, collecting the last bits of slick clinging to him and not dripping out of you. The intermingling juices are brought to the roundness of your breasts—the raider slathers your sore peaks with his own spend.

“Nobody’s gonna fuck with you—but that means you’re Joel’s girl. Hear me?” With your head bowed, you glare up at him through silver-lined spider lashes, shame beating at your cheeks. When you hum your acknowledging “uh-huh,” the stranger continues on, gripping your jaw to angle your gaze up: “Means you listen—you-you don’t fuckin’ try me—n’ you take everything I give you, every fuckin’ time. Understand?” He tucks his softening length back in his pants, dark eyes dancing with satisfaction as he leers at your destroyed form.

When you don’t respond, he brings the back of his punishing hand colliding with the side of your face.

Something between a squeal and a gasp tumbles from your lips; Joel catches it, placing the pad of his thumb to your bottom lip, pressing down. Your cheek stings from his harsh slap, delivered on top of the scrapes and wounds a different cruel man had left upon your skin.

“I don’t wanna hurt you, baby, but I will f’I have to,” and he’s earnest, commanding and pleading at once. “You gotta answer me.”

Slowly, you croak out a timid, “Yes,” and an “I understand,” followed by a final “Joel.”

Nodding, he straightens, the violence in his gaze fading just minutely. When he lets go, you stagger—the raider senses the instability of your knees, reflexively snaking a steadying arm around your waist.

You’re not sure where the impulse comes from. Perhaps it’s exhaustion, the aftermath of your orgasm, or maybe it’s just a sick, twisted desire to sink into something beyond your body—either way, you respond to Joel’s support by throwing your arms around his neck.

And he responds by lifting you, walking you over to the bed, and tossing you down on the sheets. Awakening into reality, you scamper back, grabbing and yanking at the surrounding bedding in a desperate attempt to cover yourself.

But Joel pays you no mind.

Having had his way, he’s through with you—for now. Nonchalantly, apathetically, he runs a hand through his hair, tracing heavy steps towards the door.

“Lock the door when I leave,” he instructs, but his tone is soft… possessive and commanding, yes, but… caring. “Don’t open it for anyone but me.”

He waits for your show of understanding, your near imperceptible nod.

Then, he sighs, yanking on the handle and giving you his final address over a pair of creaky, squeaky, rusted hinges. “Try to sleep, sweetheart—got a long night ahead of you.” Chuckling to himself, he leaves the sanctuary of the room.

All you can hear as your body grows heavy and warm, travelling somewhere far, far beyond this violent world are the echoes of male laughter down the hall, and a familiar, satisfied, gravelly voice:

“Not worth much, now. Might just fuckin’ keep her.”

And you slip away, dreaming of belt buckles, blood-stained collars, and the lung-squeezing heat of the setting Texan sun.

—

He used to call me DN

That stood for deadly nightshade

'Cause I was filled with poison

But blessed with beauty and rage

Jim told me that

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

Jim brought me back

Reminding me of when we were kids

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

He used to call me poison

Like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

'Cause he was right beside me

Jim raised me up

He hurt me but it felt like true love

Jim taught me that

Loving him was never enough

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

We can go back to New York

Loving you was really hard

We could go back to Woodstock

Where they don't know who we are

Heaven is on earth

I would do anything for you, babe

Blessed is this union

Crying tears of gold, like lemonade

I love you the first time

I love you the last time

Yo soy la princesa, comprende mis white lines

'Cause I'm your jazz singer

And you're my cult leader

I love you forever

I love you forever

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

—

TAGLIST: @millllenniawrites @inkedells @stardust-chords-enthusiast @mattmurdocksgirlfriend @bookofbee @liviloo12346 @anyas-stuff @readingsunshine97 @maudlinflowers @sullysflm @sexygaypalpatine @livyjh @s-unflowxr @lostsoldieronahill @chapterhappygirl @raeluvshammett @silkiers @jupitersmoon-cal @supernaturaldean67 @razrsharpwhiteteeth @peqchsoup @corrodedcherries @hawsx3 @monboudoir @theonewithacrush @pono-pura-vida @sallymilkweed @fruitcupsworld @mads-grace4 @ayehomo @dzaga890 @killerrxger @niallsbunny @cilliansangel @snowyarcher @grnherbs @mswarriorbabe80 @tercabed @sweettea-and-honeybutter @bbyanarchist @thisgirl-knm @pedrit0-pascalit0

TAGS WILL CONTINUE IN A REBLOG (there are simply too many of you & I don’t want this post to crash <3)

[i-write-sometimes-maybe]

Obsessed- Lady Lesso x EverReader!

Synopsis: Lesso has this thing, but no one knows. Not even you…

Word Count: 643

Warnings: Dark!Lesso, no smut, non-consensual stalking, readers gender isn’t mentioned. (Lmk if there’s anything else!)

A/n: (You can kinda see her tie pin in this gif, which is not mine btw) Okay, yes, this is short asf. I’m sorry! I really wanted to get something out while I’m working on this other smutshot (that includes working up the courage to do it too 😅) I figured something was better than nothing.? I legit have had this forsaken OneShot in the drafts at 5-6k words FOR A YEAR NOW GUYS. I’m trying! I want you guys to have it too. I’m also SO sorry to the few requests I’ve gotten, believe me I have seen them and I do plan on writing them! I’m just once again working two jobs and I’m also plainly in the dumps with writing motivation :/. I’m working on it 🫶🏻.

☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎

Obsession. It's a funny thing really. It usually builds from innocence, a simple crush maybe.

But then, it spirals.

Though, the obsessor most times doesn't realize the extent of said obsession.

Leonora Lesso wouldn't necessarily deny the fact she obsessed, of course, unless, she was asked.

It wasn't her fault. It was yours.

Yeah, that's it. Your fault.

You.

You with your bright smiles and warm being.

It really should make the Never woman feel sick.

But she watches you with a subtle warm fuzzy feeling, like how she would think it would feel if you made her soul smile.

Watching you at meal times with Dovey, laughing at whatever the conversation was.

She found satisfaction in watching you, joy almost, watching you teach. The passion you held was quite similar to hers, though you were an Ever.

And even now, her watching you from behind your balcony door. Enjoying the feeling that fills her as she watches you undress from the day.

No, she wouldn't say she's obsessed. Enthralled, sure.

Enthralled at the possibility you could see her in the reflection of the mirror you were standing in. Enthralled by your possible reaction if she chooses to make herself known, or maybe, if you were to catch her.

She often wonders what your reaction would be.

After all, she does this almost nightly.

How you haven't seen her at least once in the fortnight, Lesso wasn't sure. But she loved to think of the idea that you were aware of her watching you, and you enjoyed it as much as she did.

She continues to wait in the shadows, watching how you don't skip a single part of your routine.

She'd come to learn that you liked everything in a certain way, down to your showers.

As you climbed under the covers, your nightly steps coming to end, she never strayed.

She usually liked to stay until she knew you were asleep, loving how peaceful you looked.

Normally, it was enough.

Being 20 feet from you, a glass door in the way, it was close enough.

Normally.

Well, who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not.

Once again, you were peacefully in your slumber while Lesso hadn’t moved a hair.

But she needed more.

She carefully took her tie pin from the knot that she frequently adorned, using it to swiftly pick the door you always made sure to lock.

The first step into the unfamiliar, yet very familiar, space was enthralling for her. Your true scent, unbothered and unedited, hitting her nostrils so strong to the point she’s sure she would’ve faltered if she cared to pay attention.

But as always, her attention was elsewhere.

Neither her heels or her cane made their signature click as she entered, the carpet working in her favor.

Slowly she walked up to your bed, standing at the end and getting lost in your serenity.

But as realization set, she decided she wanted to learn more. No, needed to learn more about you.

Her painted nails just barely scraped the surface of your duvet as she slowly moved onto your bedside table.

Noticing the new book you recently picked up, she made a mentally note to look into it later.

She never stayed in one spot for too long, too afraid it would bring her a welcoming she can’t ignore.

Her final spot was your vanity.

The very same one you sat yourself at just mere moments ago.

Sitting in the same spot as you previously had could’ve made her head spin, she had to know that her heart was pounding, if she paid any mind to it.

But her mind was elsewhere.

Her eyes and her mind were on you, just like before.

But sitting there, seeing you, smelling you, feeling you….

She couldn’t help but think, just how much fun she’d have with you.

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Taglist: @v3nusxsky @just-your-casual-nerd @pebbleswritessometimes @scream-queenlover @darkth1ngs @sgelessoanddoveykissing @hxzxrdous

(Okay, I’m def missing people on this list and if you’re one of them please leave a comment! 🫶🏻🫶🏻)

Part 2 maybe??

[year2000electronics]

I absolutely LOVELOVELOVE your Reverse Falls HCs from what I've seen :). I would love to ask more about so much aspects haha.

What is Reverse Ford's main goal in this universe?

What is Ford' and Stanley's backstory?

Mind sharing some info about Reverse! Dipper and Reverse! Mabel?

HOKAY. i will use this ask to talk a little about the reverse stans' backstories because i have Some Ideas. as always full answer under cut bc its got images and rambles galore

in my mind, the gleeful family association with magic & the supernatural starts with caryn's phone psychic business, and ford having "The Gift" while stan ABSOLUTELY doesnt. but in real terms that means just having a really strong intuition and being able to guess well. (at least thats what filbrick and caryn thing. ford genuinely thinks he has some semblance of psychic ability and so does his mom, but they just havent properly honed it yet) and so ford is the preferred child for that, instead of his smarts really. ford is also obsessed with the supernatural still, but it's more focused on the magical aspect.

ford and stan's relationship ends up being close because stan is the only one who believes ford about magic. i mean there are other reasons but thats very important to ford

ford, seeing how stan has always had his back by believing what he says about magic, offers to try and "tutor" stan into having The Gift. drilling him for hours by holding up cards and making him guess, stuff like that. but yknow, since both of them are kinda clamoring to inherit their mom's business, stan kinda ends up relying on ford for everything, and theyre taking on almost a mentor-student relationship when theyre Literally Brothers.

instead of west coast tech, the scholarship ford is being offered is for a famous performing arts school after his teachers saw him take the leads in school plays year after year. they tell him a scout will be at their school's talent show, and ford decides he's going to put on a stage magic show (with stan as his assistant). this time, not only is stan worried about ford leaving, but also, since they've both been working towards a really similar thing (performing for a crowd), he's really worried he'll never get a chance to show off that HE has skill, too! ford brushes him off about this saying that he'll put a good word in for stan when he's at performing arts school and stan is like "ok." and agrees to be his assistant.

in the middle of ford's show, he goes rogue, trying to show the scouts that he can be just as skilled as ford is, and completely screws up the trick he ends up performing. ford doesnt get that internship, ford is furious, so is filbrick, stan gets kicked out, you know the rest.

ford goes to backupsmore and double-majors in both theatre and whatever he majors in in the show. he plans to move to gravity falls because of its high ratings of weirdness. after stan got kicked out, instead of becoming a traveling salesman, he becomes a street magician who doubles as a pickpocket. stealing peoples' watches and stuff. he runs around all over the place

ford digs up four mystic amulets once he gets to gravity falls and stays there for a while, and is like "oh man i can USE these". so how i imagine the amulets to work is that they're kinda like, a conduit through which you can learn legit magic? like casting spells and stuff. but he probably only needs one so he keeps the other three in his house (and that's how the kids eventually find the others)

and of course thats how he starts up the tent of telepathy!

but he wants more. he wants to make the world pay for ever calling him a six fingered freak. and he wants to prove to the world that his magic IS real. he can't just lie sequestered in gravity falls forever. so he goes hunting for more answers about gravity falls' weirdness, and how he might be able to get more POWER to make a show so good the entire world will see... and that's how he summons will cipher! will tells him about the portal, and how itll open up a dimension of weirdness into his own, and ford accepts on those terms, looking out just for himself. then he asks fidds to come help with the portal, fidds walks out on him, he shackles will to him in a deal, but they both realize they don't have the manpower to run the portal. reluctantly, ford calls stan up, telling him to come and that it's important.

...but of course that doesnt go well. stan initiates a physical fight and ford ends up getting sucked into the portal. will is left alone with stan, who tells him he can buzz off because HE certainly doesnt want him around. stan works for the next 30 years to get ford back because he wants ford to finally be the one who has to suck up to HIM and owe HIM something.

at some point, mason and mabel's parents become unable to take care of them and give them to stan. he reluctantly takes them in, but soon after, not only do they find the amulets but also journal 2, and they end up reactivating ford's deal with will, getting passed down to the "next of kin" after stan rejected it. AND THATS SORTA WHERE THE SHOW STARTS. THUMBS UP.

[wisteriagoesvroom]

LOL I can imagine for vampire au Lando starting to third wheel Carcar and so even though turning Franco is a complete accident he can’t feel too guilty bc he uses it as an excuse to hang around someone else, and somehow he learns more about vampirism lore through a human grad student than he’s learned in his whole life (he’s lived a long time, lots of info to absorb). Then also, if you don’t mind my ask, what do they all do for jobs/how do they get money and would Franco keep studying ?

HELP this is so cute. ok. norpinto-frando vampire au for those who aren't up to speed...

Lando starting to third wheel Carcar and so even though turning Franco is a complete accident, [Lando] can’t feel too guilty bc he uses it as an excuse to hang around someone else -> screaming cus, absolutely. random associated headcanons for this... i'll rewind a bit:

carlos is the oldest vampire, like, moorish/medieval era. he met lando while they were both at a masquerade ball in the early 1600s and smelled each other right away (carlos like wood and ink, lando like gas lamps and wet stone).

lando is an tudor era vampire. like he actually knew shakespeare and said he was one of the best viral marketers of the era

oscar was turned in the early days of the australian penal colony, he's like first or second generation white australian but he refuses to be called british. he moved in to the house because the rent was cheap and he doesn't feel the need to live extravagantly -- even though he, too, is $$ loaded $$

oscar didn't move in until about two decades ago - very short by vampire standards, to them it feels like yesterday - but carlos and oscar are basically They Were Roommates atp even though they squabble con-stant-ly

their neighbours think they are a new age-y polyam group but because the people who live opposite them are students, nobody ever hangs around longer than a year to remember them or dig deeper

so franco definitely brings a fun funky fresh dynamic

he learns more about vampirism lore through a human grad student than he’s learned in his whole life (he’s lived a long time, lots of info to absorb) -> things that baby vamp!franco teaches lando include

tiktok trends, like how to make ur teeth comically large in photos. lando finds this hilarious

how to use venmo

creating a roster on google docs for who needs to do what house chores

jailbreaking an apple watch so it doesn't read their pulses (they don't have any), but it will remind them of the moon phases and when they might be extra hungry to feed

at one point franco actually puts his academic skills to use and helps lando hunt down some of his family tree, because since lando was turned and it's been so long, he doesn't remember much about them : ( so one of franco's little gifts to lando is helping him trace his heritage

what do they all do for jobs/how do they get money and would Franco keep studying ? -> i love how practical-minded you are. um well let's say this fictional supernatural creatures' market mostly runs on barter trades and goodwill agreements. the entire house sometimes just gets lazy tbh so lando or carlos will just dig into one of the old chests of random shit and pull out an antique and go: "do we think this is worth anything?" then they take it to an antiques dealer who is also a mage (alex albon) and there is a 1 in 25 chance that the antique is actually is worth something, so that bankrolls them for another half a year or whatever.

carlos makes a lot of noise about being "an art dealer" just because he sold a goya painting to a museum once.

oscar is a man of industry, of the "newer" world (australia) etc etc so he spent the 80s and 90s learning C++ and Java and Python so he legit just codes for a living. or when he feels like it. oscar has helped launch at least a dozen startups under various pseudonyms and one of them is even a blue chip company by now. he doesn't do it for money tho. he just does it cus he likes a challenge, and otherwise fights with carlos too much. when he isn't coding he likes to tinker and fix things just for fun. like, he legit knows how to fix a boiler and stuff. his familiar is definitely a grumpy orange neighbourhood cat.

franco keeps studying!! he is such a nerd that he's like "i can totally learn everything about anything now, and i could in theory do like 20 masters degrees, and nobody can stop me"!! then lando is like, "well you might get bored of it after a while or burn out". but franco insists he will not. in fact with his enhanced neurological abilities he goes on an academic bender trying to fast forward through an entire harvard's undergrad degree's worth of material in a week, and he ends up faceplanting on his desk. and then poor lando has to go and find a fresh chicken or something to kill and revive franco 'cus franco wore himself out too fast being a bb vampire with accelerated mind powers.

franco promises never to do that again (but of course he will continue to do it once in a while, and everyone still looks after him in his lil study hangovers because he is so very nice. also he taught them how to use venmo.)

and. one time. franco is like. "i can't find this rare sonnet do you know what library i could maybe locate it in" and lando is like "wait i know that one" and pulls out an honest to god original copy that he at some point got laminated in the early 80s. and franco is like. "um i think this should be in a museum??" and lando is like "yeah but i gave them a copy of this, cus i spilled ink on the corner of this in 1603 after a really good night out" and franco is like "???? ok ????"

then lando swans off to moodily stare at the moon or some shit.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Top 3 Are HEATING UP

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2023 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Honestly, 3 are neck & necking for top position! They are all so good in different ways. But The Sign had me hooting with laughter this week, so it scooped #1.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 4 of 10 - This show is literally everything (except straight) all at once. It's BL, queer, band of brothers, romcom, erotica, paranormal, fated mates, mystery, suspense, slasher, and horror. It’s the king of genre mash-up chaos. I have no idea what I’m watching but I’m ON this ride. Is it a roller coaster? Is it a haunted house? Is it a twirl & hurl? Is there candy floss? Am I even tall enough? Who tf cares. All through the second scene, I was laughing. It was legit funny. Billy has great comedic timing. Guess he’s not just a pretty face.

Everyone should be watching this. Sure, it's madness but there is genius in it.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 -  Yech. August may be one of GMMTV’s least likable characters ever (and that is saying something). Meanwhile, MOAR language play! They spoiling me!

Mhok letting Day go then walking away at the party hurt so bad.

Argh this show is great!

Ep 6 so that kiss was right on schedule. I’m looking forward to the boyfriend eps before doom & pain in the new year. Carry on GMMTV. 

Speaking of...

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they’re great. It’s great. It’s paced oddly, moving quickly through most of the key scenes of the original JBL in these first 2 eps. I think it’s intending to encompass more of the manga series than that one did. Which is good, cause that will get us all the way to The Library Kiss (TM). It's the best kiss in the manga. I also like the sides in this show (better than the JBL version). 

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8fin - What a lovely slightly unhinged little show. Tew, can we talk? Un-ironic suspenders, that takes courage. Also, the revolver was a crazy gun choice. 

Final thoughts:

This show is just as ridiculous as its title. About a gaymer who falls in love with one of his in-game teammates, who just happens to be a IRL gangster. A real gangster, the kind that actually kills people regularly. The lead pair is doing their best with a ridiculous story and shoddy script, but I enjoyed it. Although I was grateful it wasn’t very long, what we got was oddly satisfying if, frankly, a little bit silly. Recommended. 8/10 

That said, what's important about this BL is not the show, but the production and style. Let me explain... no, too much, let me sum up.

This is a chimera BL. Regarding characters: it has Japan's style otaku + Korea's style gangster + Thailand's style friendship group. It used Thai talent + Korean money (Kakao) & IP (adapted from a manwha) but aired on a Chinese channel globally (iQIYI). I'm delighted by the eclectic insanity of this production and truly doubt that any other genre but BL could ever produce like this. It's like diplomat's BL and it's the great wonder of our age that it happened at all. This BL deserves its place in the history books on production alone, even if that place is only in the footnotes. A remarkable little monster.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - The sides are… messy. Using the same actor for the old bf is… odd. But in the end, this show leaves me smiling. Which means, I like it despite myself. 

Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - It's decent. It’s basically what I wanted Antique Bakery to be when I first watched that way back when (not to mention Bite Me). But there’s been so much BL since then that, for some reason, this is falling flat. I think it’s moving too fast for a Thai series. Although, say what you like, Ohm has to be one of the best soft kissers in the industry. He's just good at mouth tenderness.

Ugh, that doesn't sound right. But you know what I mean.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 7 of 10 - I love how First is so upset when Sprite starts chatting and being nice to Koh. Sprite is just a sweet easy-going likable boy. I enjoy Sprite as a main character, he’s a bubbly little communicator. And they had a cute kiss.  

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 5 of 14 - Because there was more Alan and Jeff and they were more key to the plot I was more into this ep. I do compare it to green smoothie down the pants in the Trash Watch.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 3 of 12 - Look OffGun are truly great. But I’m just not sure we need them in BL anymore. That said, it’s nice to see Off as "the one with the crush" for a change. Also, this show is only good when OffGun are on screen together, otherwise it kinda, well, sucks.

Night Dream (Sat YT) ep 1 of 6 - Cafe setting featuring a cook and a writer. *Seems awfully familiar.* Except these two are exes and this is a reunion romance. It’s stiff and very pulp but not bad (no crap sound effects) and I am a sucker for a reunion romance. That said, Rookie Thailand is not to be trusted, proceed with caution.

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 12fin - I'm grateful this is over. It was tense but for the wrong reasons - sadness and confusion. This final episode was fine, but that’s because it was mostly them being together + flashbacks. Plus all the familiar actor faces of the grown-up friends (hi, Karn my lovely, still stunning I see). But 2 of 12 episodes is not enough for the 10 of suffering and confusion that came before.

In conclusion:

A man is killed on his 10th anniversary resulting in a time paradox, for which the only solution is him never meeting his childhood sweetheart until later in life. Both lovers cycle back to the past at different ages, so that they each become their own 1st & 2nd great loves, but every time it ends in pain, until each also endures 10 years of separation. Finally it gets fixed, but leaves them with multiple memories of time's failures like temporal PTSD, and everyone around them has chronic deja vu. Me? I got both. This is one of those BLs that is high-quality with great acting but poor story. If you like your BL dwelling, maudlin, and tense due to angst and suffering, then you might enjoy this. But I just regret it, 6/10. Recommended only if you like confusing time travel emo pain.

In which case, just watch Tokyo in April is... instead. Give over Thailand, Japan does it better.

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 6 of 8 - While our main couple isn’t working for me... the side couple isn’t working for me either. I really wanted to give LeoTai a chance, this is the 3rd show I’ve seen them in, and still nope. I like Jade a lot more when he’s sad. He’s a much more pleasant screen experience depressed. I would like him to stay hurt for a couple of eps, just so I can enjoy this show a tiny bit more. But then he just goes unhinged again. Argh. I just don’t like it. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Pisces of Me ep 17 of 24 - Codependent boyfriends in middle school planning for high school dealing with stuff. Including other boys being into them. 

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 5 of 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. DNF 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - It’s cute but I don’t think BL in this short format is Taiwan’s strength these days. And this is quite slow and dull. Perhaps they should have whacked it down to 6 eps, not 10.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - This is one of those JBLs that I should like on paper but is failing me. The drag bit was ridiculous but handled gently. The kiss was… well… something wasn’t it? It’s all very odd. I like the photographer cutie character. 

It's Airing But...

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if it's safe.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed with ep 1. Been told I shouldn't bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until after it completes its run next week.

Dear Kitakyushu (Thai/Japan movie) in theaters in country only, I know nothing about distribution.

Behind the Shadows (Korea movie) this is a historical I was interested in, but I've been told they kill the gay so I'm OUT.

Next Week Looks Like This

Still coming:

12/23 Dead Friend Forever (Thai horror) iQIYI

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED). With the end of the year upon us I'll do an "announced for 2023 but never happened list" soon.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

He so pretty.

I forgot how likable TayNew are, and frankly I think New is a better version of this role for me, personally. I like him a lot. He's a conscientious sweetheart. And a good egg. (Cherry Magic)

Ah the rooftop my old friend. (Last Twilight)

I would like to point out that it's no accident the naga's sex dream happened in the shower, he's a water creature after all. (The Sign)

(Last week)

[rosemariad]

THE BITTER END | SPN 15x18 DESPAIR: About that Destiel moment in 15x18

Oh boy…the scene that sailed a thousand memes (and counting)…the scene that made us all go feral in the midst of a contentious presidential elections in one of the most disruptive, chaotic years in recent memory (2020 you son of a bitch)

Now i am super late with this since it’s nearly been 4 years since this was aired live on TV and posted like crazy all over the internet BUT…y’all Destiel shippers got robbed. Not just with this scene but the whole Destiel ship in general - just done so dirty.

I started watching this show on and off back in 2021 and I finally got to finish over the summer this year (2024) taking my sweet time, even rewatching certain episodes (for some fanfic writing 😁). I went into this to settle the debate for myself - is this Destiel stuff legit? Or was it taken out of context? Misconstrued.

No. It really wasn’t. They (the powers behind SPN) tried it, tried to pull the wool over people’s heads, with certain fans chiming in (the destiel haters, the homophobes, the anti-mishas, etc.) but no. The SPN showrunners fucked all this up.

From the beginning….

So it’s 15x18 despair - we’re in the last act - shit’s popping off, everything’s going tits up - Billie is trying to hunt Dean down, calling him chaos incarnate. Dean & Cas get trapped in a room with no apparent means of escape or defense - probably should’ve headed for the exit - but I guess since it’s the 3rd to last episode and the execs clearly want things to go back to the status quo 🙄 now’s as good a time as any to cash in on that plot thread from last season and kill Castiel once and for all 😭 (as 1 person pointed out, given the prior context they probably could've just waited Billie out, since them being trapped in that room - Cas was the one that blocked the door anyhow - but I get it SPN showrunners you wanted to get rid of Cas somehow - what a mess)

If you haven’t watched it - here’s where I gasp and scoff in disbelief - please watch it https://youtu.be/l_r9GZeQl1w?si=uVox8PlXByYEYKci

Basically Cas tells Dean he’s the greatest guy he’s ever known, that he fights for love and that Cas lurves Dean 😭 and he’s not the bad things enemies say Dean is. That he’s more than the worst parts of himself - oh Cas.

This was Castiel’s one moment of true happiness - telling the one person whom he adores more than anyone or anything else in the entire universe - that he is loved by Castiel himself.

The confession that triggers Castiel’s demise to go with the empty, takes Billie with him and before Dean can process the massive TRUTH BOMB Castiel just dumped on him, Castiel is gone.

Despair indeed.

They made too many fucking cuts to this scene, at least for Jensen’s coverage. Like if you don’t want Dean to reciprocate…fine. Don’t. But let him fucking respond! Let him use his words. Castiel just told Dean he was in love with him, that is one of the BIGGEST things you can say to somebody in your life. EVER. Especially on TV. And yes it was in love, like romantically. Not platonically because why make such a fucking fuss over fucking platonic friendship! There’s always been a tension between these 2 characters, it hung over between them since season 4. They just made it into a joke, never expecting to get the traction it did over the years. They even tried writing Cas off the show for good back in season 7. But they got stuck with Cas and never really made proper use of him. They literally just waited until the last minute to get rid of him in a way that couldn’t get the show cancelled until that decision had already been made by the network. to make things worse - COVID happened

So don’t tell me the confession doesn’t merit a response, either for or against on Dean’s part - whether he returns Castiel’s affection or not is another story but dammit let Dean speak! How could you not? Cowards!

And Would it be so terrible if Dean did feel something MORE than friendship for the only other individual that has stood by him for so many years? Like really? A relationship doesn’t demand sex (but let’s be honest, Cas probably wanted to fuck the shit outta Dean 🤣) it’s whatever the people in the relationship want! Dean isn’t young by the time s15 rolls around. Older people tend to just want someone to come home to, settle down with. Companionship. Cas fits that to a fucking T. When Dean dreamed of a future, Cas was right there with him (and Sam, cuz Dean always wants his family close as much as he can, given how he grew up).

Couldn’t find a gif of Dean talking about taking some time off after all the craziness of the hunting they do but I’m not crazy I know he wanted it.

The team behind SPN could have finished Dean’s narrative beautifully as man who was driven by fear all his life and opens himself up to a relationship he never saw coming but when the time came he didn’t run because he grew to love more than fear (and choose to live a life of peace after stuck in one of violence for so many years).

This is why Hollywood is shit! Great beginnings, shitty endings. But in this case, it was because they consistently chose NOT to indulge in queer-like narratives with enough care (aside from some other problematic stuff like the treatment towards women being more negative than positive, the inconsistent writing for characters and plot, etc.)

BUT not when it’s the main character 😡 Charlie can be gay AF but not Dean, seriously? That’s fucked. Like at least let him fucking explore/consider it. So people stop watching it who gives AF?! I never even watched the show when it was on air for 15 years, tons of people didn’t. There are still people out there watching SPN for the first time today! People who started but stopped because it’s a show that ran WAAAY longer than any other normally does.

Idk who made it so that Dean couldn’t explore his sexuality or fucked up the Destiel of it all but they SUUUUUUUUCK! You really shat the bed! at least explore it cuz at the end of the day, it may not work out. Gay relationships aren’t that different from straight relationships in that sometimes it just doesn’t work out BECAUSE we’re ALL people. And who knows maybe they could’ve been happy but we’re not allowed to know that canonically because Destiel was never given a CHANCE!

I mean if it was REALLY that big a deal – why introduce it? By making these little suggestions that (in a way that's funny but why would Dean be queer be haha funny - no that's not okay, queerness shouldn't be a joke) furthermore we’re talking about a show on basic cable - all it would’ve taken was fucking hand-holding or the same routine of staring into each other’s eyes like they’d been doing for 12 fucking years already! Just not shying away from the queerness that time. Legend of Korra did it. That 1 Disney show did it (i don’t remember the name). No kissing would’ve been necessary - nice, wishful thinking but not necessary if the kissing became an issue (but seriously it was 2020 man but ofc - that is a year where a pandemic that required social distancing decided to kick in during the final arc of this show) - just so we’re all clear COVID cock blocked Destiel lol jk 🤣

All those times they had Dean & Cas stare into each other's eyes – the forces at work – showrunners, writers, directors AND editors & the network who is showing this to audiences – if its such a big fucking deal - Don't leave it in. By leaving it in, you're allowing people to make assumptions about the relationship – it happens literally every time in every story ever told. You put 2 people in a scene and they're not family (though not always the case) or JUST friends (explicitly proven) there's a chance SOMEONE is gonna wanna ship them no matter how likely it is (OR NOT) they'll hookup or become a couple. That's just how it is. So don't fan the flames and then turn it around on fans that they're wrong, crazy or misinterpreting. If Wincest can exist, so can Destiel and any other ship. That being said, y’all Destiel shippers were ROBBED but I don’t need to tell you that.

I don’t think the relationship would’ve been perfect or smooth sailing - their friendship as it was on the show sure wasn’t. And Dean wasn’t the only one with issues - Cas had some bad qualities too - the angel liked to lie and for a while there he was extremely averse to conflict. And Dean…he gets real fucking angry 😬 not a good mix for a relationship- hell even a friendship.

But the two had a profound bond, with a great deal of affection for one another and that’s what got them through betrayal, fights, amnesia, curses, apocalypses, and all the ugliness in between. They could’ve made it. Or they could’ve just had Cas and Dean stay friends - but we’ll never know since Cas was pretty much omitted after 15x18 - there were references - like only 2 though 😒

Really SPN? 😒😔 so lazy. But sure, go ahead, blame COVID. It’s not like phones exist. It’s not like the actor couldn’t have just recorded Castiel’s voice nope. Totally not an option 🤦🏾‍♀️ same goes for the other characters - Jody, Donna, Eileen - you know all the other characters Sam & Dean cared about but sure - fuck ‘em too. Status quo is the only thing that matters - SMH.

[deconstructthesoup]

Okay, I had thoughts on forming a legit DBD Hadestown AU, and seeing as they kept me up literally all last night, it seemed only fitting that I actually write them down. So:

Charles and Edwin are, obviously, Orpheus and Eurydice respectively. However, rather than having just met and falling into a whirlwind romance, I decided that they're childhood friends who've met again and rediscovered feelings that they'd both been ignoring for a long time. Edwin is dedicated soley to figuring out why the world is dying and if he can help people while he can, and he hasn't really let himself rest, or even feel happy, in years---to the point where he feels that any good thing is too good to be true, even falling in love. Charles, on the other hand, has long since made the decision that someone has to be happy and keep spirits up in the trying times, and it might as well be him... even at the cost of his own health, as he works tirelessly on a song that he knows, despite all logic and understanding, will bring back spring again.

Crystal is Hermes, but she is also Hecate---she is the goddess of the in-between, magic, trickery, the crossroads, and restless souls... and that last part refers not only to the dead that she guides to Hadestown, but to anyone who chooses a life of wandering the road, from the honest messenger to the thieving highwayman. And yet, since the world has begun to die, she's been slowly slipping away from her role, choosing to spend her time among the mortals. This decision, of course, is helped by the fact that not only is Crystal one of the few gods who thinks there's more to the world dying than it just being "a reflection of mortal hubris," but that she's managed to make a friend in Charles. She's seen the way that music can change the world, after all, and knowing that there's at least one mortal who still has hope means that she can still believe.

Niko is a combination of Aphrodite and Dionysus---she's the goddess of love, revelries, happiness, and abundance, yes, but she's also the goddess of the mania that comes when all of those things are taken too far, and she's been dipping more and more into that side of herself as the world gets worse and worse. She wants to forget all the pain and suffering, and she gives herself and others the means to do so, even if it's all temporary. And while Niko does care for the mortals, and wishes that things could get better... deep down, she's lost a lot of her old hope, and even she can't disguise the fact that she's living with a broken heart.

Monty is Persephone, but he's also Apollo---he's the god of rebirth, prophecies, the stars and the earth, and new beginnings... and for what should be half of the year, he rules over the dead. He used to find just as much joy in watching over the souls as he did creating spring with Niko and charting the stars to bring prophecies to the mortals, but as Hadestown gets more punishing, more people die up above, and the world just gets worse, Monty grows even more bitter and closed off. He's unable to even properly enjoy his time on the surface, knowing full well that he won't stay for six months like he should... and the man he loves is wearing his patience thin.

The Cat King is Hades---and yes, somebody did make a very compelling argument for him being the Fates, but it works for the story, so just hang on. Once upon a time, he was happy just ruling over souls and managing the afterlife, and he cherished the time he spent with Monty as much as he could. But over time, wealth became added to his already vast domain, and his fascination for making and collecting things became an obsession... in no small part due to the fact that those six months spent away from Monty started to weigh incredibly heavy on him, and he eventually loses himself in his effort to replicate everything his husband loves about the upper world as it dies along with the way they used to feel about each other. Not to mention, his old empathy and compassion for the souls has hardened into cold indifference at best and a sick enjoyment of their suffering at worst. And all this change is making one person in particular very happy...

Esther is the Fates, but she's also a version of Demeter---the goddess of nature and all of its love and cruelties, and the one who spins everyone's path on her loom, punishing those who dare to stray from what she has determined for them. She's despised the Cat King for years, ever since he whisked Monty away to Hadestown, and she wholeheartedly believes that the reason the world is dying is only because he's been keeping Monty down there for too long, not because they've begun to fall out of love. So, when Esther spins a tale of a pair of lovers who are destined to end tragically, she sees it as an opportunity to finally push the Cat King and Monty to the breaking point---to save her son and the world, she tells herself, but mostly for revenge.

[peaxhygirl]

𝙰𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾 𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚃𝙰𝚂 𝚇 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁 - 𝚅𝙸𝙲𝙴 (5)

: ̗̀➛𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝙱𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚏𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝙾𝙲

: ̗̀➛𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: Raven and Armando go under cover once again. Which lands them in a sticky situation.

: ̗̀➛𝙰𝙽: Hey guys!! So, this is either part 1 of 2, or the next upload will just be part 6. :) Either way, the inspiration came from me listening to "Blick Sum" on Latto's new album. Hope it doesn't such and you enjoy! // Armando and Raven's looks pictured above.

"Mike, I think your son is on the run on again." Mike's head whipped towards his longtime partner and best friend as he walked away from Armando's room. His face crinkled in confusion, already preparing to tell Marcus to cut the bullshit "Look, I'm serious man. He's not in his room or anywhere else in the house." "Well, what about outside? In the back maybe?" Dorn offered an alternative suggestion, having grown a liking to Armando, he doubted his newfound team member would just escape.

On the opposite side of the couch Mike couldn't help but grow silent. He also couldn't fathom his son just up and going on the run. He'd seen the improvement Armando was making, an actual effort to be trusted and become a part of this team. No way he'd just up and leave. "Okay, okay. Let's think about this seriously. Where would he even run to? He has immunity so long as he's with us. So, what sense would it make for him to run?" The sound of Raven's door opening cause a hushed silence to fall over the room.

Kelly, Dorn, Mike, and Marcus all watched in surprise as a shirtless Armando exited the bedroom with two empty coffee mugs, sitting them in the sink. Black sweatpants hung loosely around his hips, his hair looked dishevel, and his lips looked red and swollen as if he'd been lip-locked with someone for hours.

"You guys are idiots." He lowly grumbled and turned on his heels to turn back into her room. The four of them were left in surprise at the sight. It seemed like years had passed before Dorn spoke. "I knew it!" Slapping his hand down on the coffee table palm up, he then wiggled his fingers. "Pay up, fuckers. Love always prevails!" He fist pumped.

Another hour passed before Raven and Armando were dressed and present for the debriefing of what was to occur that day. "Is it big?" Kelly could be heard whispering to Raven as they began to giggle. "Hey! Enough of that shit." Marcus exclaimed as Armando smirked.

"Ok Snooki and Jwow, can you two pick that conversation up later. It's time to get down to business. Based on what Armando and Raven saw last night, plus Armando's idea to infiltrate we have the perfect way in." Dorn sat up from his seat, eyebrows crinkled as he glanced around the room. "Infiltrate? How are you gonna do that?" Now it was Armando's turn to speak. "They know our faces now. If anything, they probably think we're some hot shots trying to get in on his game, become allies at the least. All we have to do is get in through that fucker that was hitting on Raven last night."

"And just where are we supposed to find him?" Raven questioned, her eyebrow raising as she eyed the brown skinned male who only smirked. "Don't worry about that, baby. I have my sources. " Raven opened her mouth to rebut, she wanted all the details if she was going to be walking back into direct danger. "Raven, trust me. We double checked it, it's a legit way in. Your captain and Rita are okay with it. We wouldn't send you into any half assed shit. You trust us?" Mike spoke up, eyeing her with pure sincerity in his eyes. She took a moment but nodded. "Yea. Let's get it then."

With that, Mike, Marcus, and Armando went on to explain the full plan.

The purr of the approaching black Lamborghini caught the attention of many in the already crowded lot. The sun seemed to dance off the paint as it traveled along the path, the unknown driver eventually parked the car before both doors opened. Those who had weapons reached for them, unaware of who the hell had just waltz into their hangout and where did they get the nerve to do so.

Time seemed to stand still underneath the blazing sun, that was until they were greeted by the sight of a woman stepping out of the car. Raven's hair whipped past her face as she looked around the crowd of men and the women that accompanied them. Her teeth chomped down on her bubble gum before she blew a large bubble, allowing it to pop shortly after. "Are we interrupting?" She smiled innocently as Armano stepped out of the car. They both met at the hood of the car, Raven's short shorts and orange and white striped bikini accented the figure that they both knew men went crazy for.

She leaned against the car, scanning the crowd for the sleaze ball they'd encountered the other day. She glanced over to Armando who wore something simpler. He wore a white tank top and black pants. The hills and valleys of his muscles more defined by the flex of him situating himself beside her. The true flash of his outfit resided in the smaller details he chose, the thin gold chain he wore around his neck practically danced with each move he made. Mike personally went out to get him shoes that were way more expensive than needed. Stating something about. "A subtle flex is what we really need." But really Raven felt he simply wanted to get his son a gift.

It seemed everyone was in somewhat awe of this random couple, but slowly returned to their previous activities. "He's coming." Raven spoke lowly to Armando who'd propped up a bit as the sleaze ball approached. "Ah, tough guy." He greeted as he approached the two. "Can I uh, can I ask what you're doing here?" The man looked around the area before he motioned to the open space. "You know, this is a dangerous place to be." The smug smile on his face agitated Raven, while Armando held a cool demeanor. "Where's your boss?"

He ignored the futile attempts of the man to place fear into his heart. Mainly because he wasn't scared, but also because he needed to cut out this middleman bullshit. "My boss? Compañero, no body speaks to him without speaking to me first? So, like I said, what are you doing here?" Raven glanced between the two. Although this was a mission they were on, she felt she was getting a glimpse of the man Armando used to be. She couldn't lie and say it wasn't turning her the fuck on. The arrogant confidence and dominance radiating off him cause butterflies to form in her belly as she thought of the night before.

"Tengo algunos asuntos que tengo que discutir con él. Así que, de nuevo, ¿dónde está el hombre a cargo?" Armando replied, nonchalantly. As he discovered in the car, Raven was very fluent in Spanish much to his surprise, so he knew she was well aware of what was happening. "The man in charge huh? Well right now, I'm the man in charge. Ain't that right, sweetheart." He took this time to finally acknowledge Raven, winking at her. "Why don't you come over here with me, huh?" he continued with a lick of his lips. And while, Armando was very much playing a role of a man who wouldn't stand for that.

He, himself, also wouldn't stand for the disrespect of this woman. Of his woman. "Yo, didn't I tell you last night to match your words with her." Armando stood up straight. Reaching behind himself to quickly brandish his two toned baretta. This of course, cause the entire crowd to get on the defense. The goons around them also drew their guns, waiting for who she could only assume to be their underboss to say the word and they'd be Swiss fucking cheese.

In this moment, she hoped the rest of the team was making their way to rescue them in this moment as Armando placed the gun underneath the sleaze balls chin. "Apologize to her." He gritted through clenched teeth. For once, the man showed a bit of bravado. Not apologizing, but instead offering a challenge. "Odio a los gilipollas como tú, solo que duros con una pistola."

In this moment, Raven knew he was either this brave to safe face in front of his crew or because he knew they were outnumbered. "Oh?" Armando laughed. "So, you think this gun is what makes me so tough?" With the firearm still pointed underneath his chin, the sleaze ball stood firm in his stance that Armando wouldn't be so tough without it. Raven watched as he laughed, pulling the gun away and holding it out to her. "Hold this, baby." He stated without even turning his head to look at her.

Without uttering a word, she took the gun from him, watching as he sent a fist flying straight into the male's nose.

Fuck!

𝚃𝚁𝙰𝙽𝚂𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽

Compañero - "Buddy."

Tengo algunos asuntos que tengo que discutir con él. Así que, de nuevo, ¿dónde está el hombre a cargo? - "I have some business that I need to discuss with him. So, again, where's the man in charge?"

Odio a los gilipollas como tú, solo que duros con una pistola. - "I hate assholes like you. Only tough with a gun."

credit for Armando picture to @yeahnohoneybye

[smallestapplin]

Omg, I’m so excited! I’m legit about to explode with excitement!

How do you feel on Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail from stardew (separate) x Omega! reader. Basically the reader is just bugging out from heat and their partner is there to cuddle and comfort them. Just a whole gallon of warm fluff

Remember to pace yourself, You’re awesome and you can do this!

YES YES YES! Finally, some good fucking food I'm feral for this. Pure fluff shit my beloved.

-

-

-

Sebastian

- he has a lot of good nesting items for you, all of which are drowned in his scent, which is perfect for you to build up the edges around the bed and cocoon yourself in.

- He knows heats are very taxing on omegas, which is why he keeps a mini fridge in your shared bedroom stock full of different types of drinks, some cold snacks, and keeps a few nutrition bars on top of it.

- But of course that's never enough. Your body is sensitive to the point of pain, yet all you want is him nearby. His heart aches when you look at him with such teary eyes.

- Gives you his hoodie and watches you snuggle deeply into it, chuckling at how cute you are. It at least keeps you settle while he drives to ZuZu city to get your favorite take out, his sweetheart needs to eat.

You miss your mate, he's been gone for so long you fear you might be dying. Whining, you nuzzle into his hoodie trying to find a comfortable position to ease your pain.

Maybe fifteen minutes later you hear the engine of a motorcycle coming to a stop, then the sound of the front door opening and closed, and footsteps coming up the stairs, to finally the bedroom door slowly creeping open.

"Babe, you awake?"

Sebastian spoke softly, not wanting to actually wake you, he knows how hard it can be to sleep during your heat. A smile spread across his face when you barely poke your head out from your nest, eyes squinted harshly from the light coming from the hallway.

"Oh good. I got your favorite." He closes the door and sets the drinks and food on his desk, rooting through the fast food bag to hand you your meal.

It's adorable how you slowly begin to sit up, clearly starving. Once you had your food, you begin to devour, humming happily.

"This is so good! I have the best mate."

Sebastian feels his cheeks grow pink, he will never get use to you calling him that, he knows you two have been mated for a little over a year now but his heart still flutters at it.

Abigail

- Abigail is a bit of a wild card when it comes to dealing with you and your heats, but for the most part she will stay by your side. She closes all the curtains, making the room nice and dark for you, with the only light source being the tv playing an old cartoon for background noise.

- She's all curled around you, letting you snuggle into her chest and just holds you tightly.

- You are your most sensitive right now, she understands how your emotions are all over the place and you need to feel safe now more than ever. Which is why she locks the bedroom door and windows after blocking out the light, ensuring that anyone would have to get passed those and then her to get to you.

- Abigail mostly lazes next to you, shushing you and whispering how muc she loves you into your ear.

- She only ever gets up to use the bathroom or to bring you snacks and drinks.

"Shhh, shh, it's alright pumpkin, I got you."

Abigail coos softly at you, nuzzling her face on the top of your head. You're shaking, your body feels too overwhelmed, like everything is just too much, the only thing calming you down is your mate.

"That's it, sweetheart, focus on me. That's my sweet thing. I love you." She places a gentle kiss to your forehead, careful to avoid putting too much pressure.

You whimper, burying your face into her chest as you try to regulate yourself. Your heat is just taking everything out of you, even after being sated you can't stop the draining feeling, or how your body feels so hot and so cold at once.

But Abigail is there for you, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon.

She will lay there with you, no matter how many times you toss the comforter off you then beg for it back, she will mark sure you get whatever you need to feel comfortable again, until you can fall asleep.

-

-

Sam

- P A N I C.

- He is freaking out and barely has any idea what to do! He wants to help you but all he knows are the basics, no one told him this was apart of heats! He feels patheic and useless watching you writher in pain, curling into yourself as the pain grows.

- Alpha Sam to the rescue!

- Sam did several searches and asked Harvey (who nearly fainted but answered honestly) and is barging into your shared bedroom with his arms full of things. He's rambling about everything he got you, all the new nesting items he got for you (and heavily scented) the weighted blanket, the weighted plushie that he excitedly holds up.

- He doesn't stop until you groan, you love his voice but it's too m uch all at once. It shuts him up quickly, and he's fast to work, softly asking if he's allowed in your nest (as if he wasn't a few hours ago.)

- He slides in, placing items around you, before laying you on top of him, and placing the weighted blanket on top of you for extra comfort while you curl up on his chest.

"I'm sorry, firefly, I know....I know but I got you."

You don't know if he's trying to comfort you or himself, but you love it all the same. His voice now nice and low, instead of loud and frantic as it was earlier. Sam wraps his arms around you, gently rubbing your shoulders, while the weighted blanket is settled across your lower back.

Your nest is filled with a mix of his and your scent, though yours is fighting to show through after Sam scented so many items for you, knowing his scent brings a source of comfort to you.

You don't mind, you enjoy the warm feeling of being surrounded adn protected by your lover.

"You're so cute like this." His voice almost a whine, just loving how cozy and comfy you look on him!

His mate is so precious he wants to cry!

"Sammy please...." you mutter, nuzzling further into his chest.

The blonde chuckles bashfully "Sorry, sorry I didn't mean to was ya from dozing."

Can you blame him? So cute.

[namelesssfreak]

Jeremy Knox Theory

Made by an only child but I'm autistic and hyperfixating rn so hear me out (i also tried to cut down words this still ended up being over 2200)

Unpacking Quotes

'Jeremy made it over for dinner every night that week, apparently uninvited from the family table over the state of his hair. He laughed it off when he explained it, but Jean saw the shadows in his eyes and the dark look Cat and Laila exchanged as soon as Jeremy turned his back.'

Honestly, I like the theories that his family don't like the hair cause it makes Jeremy look more like either his dad or the unnamed brother, but the homophobia ones also make sense

Also whatever the reason was, Cat and Laila know it

'Jean knew nothing about cars, despite technically owning one, but he knew money when he saw it.'

'Cat looked weary as she pocketed it, though she had given up protesting his so-called charity a year ago. It wasn't about the money, so he didn't take it personally. Cat was more concerned with how many hoops it took him to pull it together when he was permenantly on his stepfather's bad side.'

"The right therapist can be legit life changing - just look at Jeremy for proof." She jerked a thumb over at Jeremy, who didn't look at all concerned to be snitched on. "I'd say you should ask for her number since we all know she's good, but I don't think any of us can afford her."

So Cat worries about Jeremy getting money from his stepfather, and it's completely plausible that his stepfather paid for therapy because of family image, but Jeremy having an expensive car makes me wonder how recent the struggle to get money is, like if he was on good terms with his stepfather at one point and that was when he got the car

"I wasn't born a Trojan, right? My high school team was just like every other school out there. So competitive, so much bad-mouthing, so many put-downs. And it was just...exhausting, playing like that. All that pressure on one side and all that antagonism on the other." He clapped his hands together as if crushing his past self between the two.'

Surely alluding to Jeremy being not the best person in high school, or anger issues Jeremy

"Jeremy has- three. One sister, two brothers. The older brother's an absolute tool, but there's bound to be a jerk or two once you pass four kids." Jean idly wondered what she'd changed at the last minute and why, but he watched her nervously push her fries around her plate and decided not to ask.'

On this, I think Jeremy only has the three siblings (Bryson, Annalise, and unnamed). I've seen people theories that there's more than three because of her pause, and the line about passing 4 kids, but right before that Cat mentions that she has 6 siblings, so I think it's slightly a nod to that, and her trying to change the subject into more light hearted she hesitated before saying 3 so that Jean doesn't pick up on or doesn't dwell on it. And I like to think she hesitated before saying 2, because I love the dead brother theory, and it seems the most likely to me. Cat could've said 3 instead of 2 either because she doesn't think Jeremy has told Jean yet or she knows he hasn't.

"What's Grandpa think of this investment of yours?" It was obvious bait, but that couldn't keep the edge out of Jeremy's fierce, "He is not our grandfather."

I reckon the investment is probably Jean or all of the Trojans, but I digress. I feel like Jeremy using "our" makes me think that even if his grandfather is homophobic, that's not the main issue Jeremy has with him, cause it seems like there's reason that Jeremy doesn't want his siblings (or at least him and Annalise) to be related to him (me when I struggle to put thoughts into words) TLDR I'm wondering if it's something worse than just homophobia to warrant the use of "our" and not my.

'His phone chimed, and Jeremy looked down to see William’s name on his phone. "Bryson is in the sitting room with Mr Wilshire."

'He could hear voices echoing down the corridor where his stepfather and older brother were having an animated discussion, so he settled for a grateful smile in William's direction before hurrying up the stairs.'

I'm assuming from this that Bryson and Mr Wilshire are on good terms

"Like Wayne did." Jean considered that. "Maybe he will also kill himself." "That isn't a joke," Jeremy said, with unexpected ferocity. Cat winced but kept her eyes on Jean.'

If Jeremy does end up having a homophobic family then it's completely plausible that he may have attempted, but I'm also just a sucker for the dead brother theories

"We can call the police." "I'll send Jeremy away first." Rhemann said, like that would somehow win Jean over.'

Rhemann could have said this to Jean because he thought less people would make Jean more comfortable, but Jeremy was already waiting outside, so maybe he said it because he was under the impression that Jeremy had already told Jean about what happened his freshman year or at least why he doesn't like police officers, and if that's the case then it also means Rhemann and at a stretch the rest of the team (?) knows about it too, and this is not at all important but it's something I noticed

[About Annalise] 'He'd walked through a hundred hypothetical arguments with his therapist in preparation for the day he finally fought back, but every time the chance came, he watched it slip past in miserable silence.'

So whatever happened, between Jeremy and his family, is something that he could hypothetically argue his case for, if he's able to make arguments he could use against Annalise, then it's gotta mean he's not entirely at fault for whatever happened

'The receipt went into the zippered back of his wallet so he could file it later; it was always best to have a paper trail when dealing with his mother's bookkeeper.'

Okay stay with me but adding to the thing of Jeremy possibly not being the nicest person in high school, maybe his mother and stepfather have limits on his money because he spent really irresponsibly in high school?

'His family had its problems - all families did, he supposed - but never in his life had his mother raised a hand at her rowdy children. He couldn't fathom being struck by a parent.'

I feel like this gives us a hint on when his parent's divorce/mother's remarriage took place, seeing as Jean specified his father when talking about the scars, it's odd that Jeremy focused only on his mother in the above quote. Could mean that the divorce was from early in his life, and custody went to his mother, so he didn't see his father much?

"I've never been to Europe. Dad's been stationed there a couple times, but..." He shrugged and didn't bother to elaborate.'

Maybe his not bothering to elaborate is because he doesn't know much else about his father?

My full theory because it's clawing at the corners of my mind to be put into words:

So I'm assuming that his parents splitting up happened in early years, probably after Jeremy and all his siblings were born since I don't think any of them are half/step siblings but early enough that Jeremy doesn't have many memories of him. A bit of grasping at straws but this line, "I've never been to Europe. Dad's been stationed there a couple times, but..." He shrugged and didn't bother to elaborate.' if his dad is part of the army could mean that Jeremy doesn't see the man a lot. I've kinda got two running theories so branching off into those

Theory One:

We've got Jeremy and his three siblings being raised by his mother, because his father is unable to take any custody (due to travelling and being in the army, or for other reasons), which could in itself put some strain on the family with his mother having to raise all 4 kids herself. And then later on in high school Jeremy and his unnamed brother both want to go to a good uni where they can play exy (whether that's USC or not) and their high school team have a really important game at the end of the year that a lot of universities are visiting (this is me making a big leap on how close in age these two are) Depending on how much money Jeremy and his family have pre his stepfather entering the picture, the two of them could have been hoping to be signed with a college team (if I've not worded that right I'm so sorry I'm not American and don't play sports)

And at this game, Jeremy ends up playing really well, but it's at the expense of his brother's playing, so like Jeremy gets all his time to shine but his brother maybe not so much, and he decides to completely blame Jeremy for that which ends in a fight. In this fight, Jeremy's brother ends up getting really injured, like worse than Kevin, like to the point of being unable to play exy anymore. When his mother and new stepfather find out, they decide to completely cover the whole thing up and not tell Annalise and Bryson, part of which involves paying for Jeremy to go to USC for some reason (I can't be bothered to work out the logistics of). Which all works well and good, until Jeremy's brother takes his life because of not knowing what to do with himself after losing his biggest passion (this makes sense I promise codependency on exy is borderline a key theme in these books) and their mother and stepfather dig even more of a hole by covering that up and calling what happened an accident ("There's been an accident," he said, and grimaced like it wasn't at all the word he wanted to use.) and no one suspects anything until Jeremy's freshman year at USC, where he's perhaps not the best at getting on with his new teammates (probably particular the 5th years), still getting used to going from his high school team to the one at USC, also potentially homophobia (Nicky core) but they don't really have any acceptable reason to actually start anything with him, so one of them who had connections with the police (related or something) found out from them about the thing with the brother that had been covered up (He had half a mind to cut through the park, but the sigh of cops lounging at the nearer entrance had him sticking to the sidewalk along Exposition. There was little to no chance he'd know them, and no reason they'd recognize him, but Jeremy kept his gaze forward and his mouth shut until they were past.)

And decided to bring it up at the fall banquet, which caused it to get out and it was mainly contained between the USC team, but the whole team ended up finding out, and also Annalise and Bryson, who don't forgive him for it ("Overdue for a new scandal, hm?" She asked. "End the way you started?") (Once upon a time she'd gone to all his high school games, but once upon a time was before the fall banquet that broke their family in half. She'd gone out of her way to forget exy since then, and she'd never forgiven him for sticking with it.) ("Careful," Annalise warned him as she rummaged for her keys. "You already destroyed the family. Don't destroy my future, too.")

Theory Two:

My other theory surrounding Jeremy's childhood is that either 1 or 2 of his siblings went to live with his dad when their parents split up (their unnamed brother and either Annalise or Bryson) and I don't think that would have necessarily affected their relationship (with Annalise still going to his exy games, though the Bryson being homophobic theory isn't one I'm ruling out yet) Then Jeremy and his unnamed brother both wanted to get into either USC or a good university that they could play exy at, which makes sense if the unnamed brother was living with their dad he could have been hoping to get in to university through playing exy, while Jeremy had the option of his stepfather paying for him. Also potentially the two of them are still in contact but just going to different schools, and are on separate teams for a match between their schools at the end of the year that a lot of universities are attending, that Jeremy's team ends up winning, and then either this follows the same route as the first theory, or the brother gets into another university, and he and Jeremy get into their fight at the fall banquet of Jeremy's freshman year.

I could probably organise this slightly better and might come in and edit this when my copy of tsc gets here in a few days, but heres the random thoughts my brain spat out for now

[maknaeswrld]

there | h.js

I'm thinking about you, in this place without you, in this placе where we usеd to be together, I still think of you all the time

wc: 7.4k

genre: childhood best friends to strangers to ???; gn!reader; idiots in love; fluff; angst.

cw: slight mentions of parenthood (they’re not parents); mentions of marriage; broken promises?; secrets; paced throughout the entirety of their career up to date (2023); panic attack; roomies are based of my irls; Eve actually has amazing luck and gets her bias in legit every single album; was not initially inspired by There, that song just really freaking fits this story

roadmap: starts in present; jumps back to pre-debut; tracks readers perspective throughout the years; ends back in present (The SOUND + 5 Star era)

Friendships don’t always end because of things you can’t come back from, they don’t always end in a spectacular burst of harsh words and emotions. A majority of the time, they end due to distance, fizzling slowly until it dies out all together, people with shared memories and experiences becoming virtual strangers.

But should that mean the promises you made to one another should die along with it?

You had never thought so, which is what brought you to this crowded stadium, standing amongst people who are a little too much like you, watching the man that you once knew better than you knew yourself performing, shining brighter than the sun. 

Han Jisung was where he was meant to be, doing what he loved with friends that get to share the experience. Friends that are important to him and you believe always will be. Unlike you.

Sure, the version of you he last knew all those years ago is likely still a fond memory to him, you’re sure he thinks about you at least every once in a while, wonders what you’re doing now—at least you hope he does. 

Truth is, being an idol doesn’t leave space for that kind of stuff. It’s isolating work; family, friendships outside of your members and other idols, a private life, it’s hard to maintain, which is why you never took it personally when the daily calls turned to weekly texts, monthly updates, and eventually nothing at all.

There were times you were tempted to message him, tell him you’re proud of him, that you miss him. But frankly, you don’t even know if he still has your number, or if the one you have is still his.

The albums littering your bookshelf that you had bought and spent hours listening to together had been joined by untouched copies of basically any Stray Kids album you could get your hands on. His photocards were now littered amongst the polaroids and cut up school yearbook pictures the two of you decorated your old bedroom walls with, all of them somehow surviving your move to America.

Sometimes you wonder what he’d think if he’d see your room now. The Jisung you knew would’ve joked with you, asking if you were secretly in love with him or if you just finally accepted he was the prettier best friend. But the Jisung in the photocards was a stranger to you. You felt more like a fan, a fellow Stay harboring a parasocial relationship with eight boys that you’ll likely never speak to, than you did an old friend.

But you were content with it all. Your best friend will always be your best friend, even if you never have another movie night with asinine amounts of junk food. Even if you never again get to see his unruly curls in the midday lighting as you eat breakfast together at lunch time. Even if your children only ever know him by your stories and his stage persona.

Promises were sacred to you, so even when you are painfully aware you’re no longer his best friend, you keep the promise you made all those years ago to your best friend. You support him with no question or hesitation. So when you heard Stray Kids were performing in your city, you didn’t hesitate to buy the overpriced ticket.

````

“How crazy would it be if Chan-hyung’s idea actually works? Think about it, your best friend could be an idol someday!”

You laughed at his quiet excitement. During his time at JYP Entertainment as a trainee, you’d grown fond of his two friends, Chan and Changbin, having quickly become 3Racha’s first fan and biggest supporter.

“I can’t wait to tell interviewers embarrassing stories from your childhood.”

“Go right ahead, you were by my side for all of them so they’re your embarrassing stories too!”

The both of you laughed, knowing he was right, and while the banter continued on like that, discussing the what if’s of Chan’s success, you couldn’t help but start to wonder where you’d truly fit into the narrative.

Bang Chan had gotten tired of sitting on the sidelines, patiently waiting his turn, quietly holding his breath every time groups were formed, hoping his name would be amongst them. You knew he’d been there longer than anyone, he likely knew more people in the industry personally than you could hope to even as a fan, and he knew how to have a successful group, he’d seen enough of them come out of his time as a trainee. So you hadn’t been shocked when Jisung had told you about his idea and he systematically started hand picking eight other trainees and approaching them with it, starting with Jisung and Changbin.

You hadn’t officially met the others Chan had chosen, but you had seen them practicing when you brought Jisung his lunch that he had forgotten at your place. 

For a rag tag group thrown together by a trainee, they were pretty good already and you could see them being very successful one day.

````

“You’re gonna come to all our shows, right?”

Jisung was starting to get nervous about the plan. It’s been going well thus far, they had been chosen to debut but were now being put through the ringer to ensure they were to the companies standards. 

The boys had barely taken any breaks since being tasked with composing and choreographing a song entirely by themselves. You’d heard Jisung practicing non-stop, even while you were supposed to be having movie night. You knew he was more nervous than he’d own up to, but you also knew when he set his mind to something, he’d see it through to the end.

“All of them sounds unrealistic, Ji.” He pouted at your response, obviously disappointed. You just chuckled and shook your head. “How about this, I pinky promise swear that no matter what, I will attend every single show put on, in my area. Okay? Even if we get into some devastating argument and never talk again, even if we somehow lose communication and haven’t spoken in years, even if we get married and I four rugrats to deal with, I’ll be at every single one near me. Deal?” You held your pinky out for him to link his with.

“Three things. One, are you in love with me or something? You want my kids, Y/n/n~?” You both laughed as he teased you, tickling your sides, before he got serious. “Secondly, I’ll never let either of those other things happen. Ever. You’re my best friend. Nothing, not even becoming an idol, is going to change that. You are so stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life.”

“Does that mean marriage isn’t off the table for you?” You interrupted him, attempting to tease him back.

“If it means never losing you, I’ll put a ring on it right here, right now.”

Your breath caught in your throat at the complete sincerity in his eyes.

“You’re never gonna lose me either way, Ji.” You said softly, watching as his face softened before he finally linked his pinky with yours.  

“Then every show near you sounds good enough for me.” He kissed the back of your hand, pinkies still linked together, and you kissed his, sealing the promise.

````

The crowd held its breath as they awaited the final judgment on the fate of Stray Kids. 

You didn’t know Minho or Felix very well at all, having only spent a handful of short lived conversations in each others company, but the way Jisung had cried until he passed out and slept through the night on your couch after Minho had been eliminated from the group, and then shortly after did it again for Felix, you didn’t have to know them personally to know you needed all nine boys to be accepted. Stray Kids were nine, and you didn’t think you could accept it any other way.

So to say the relief and joy you felt at the announcement that they would debut as nine felt all consuming would probably be an understatement. All you wanted to do was drag the boys into a big hug and congratulate them.

As they finally left the stage, you couldn’t hold yourself back from running to meet a relieved and ecstatic Jisung. 

“We did it!” He yelled, catching you in his arms and swinging you around. He set you down, his hands moving to cup both sides of your face, squishing your cheeks gently and shaking you. “We actually did it, Y/n/n! We’re debuting!” 

“I know Ji, I saw.” You laughed, returning his gesture. You quickly made your rounds, congratulating the rest of the boys and hugging Minho and Felix tightly, before returning to Jisungs side and joining them for their celebrations.

````

The boys got pretty busy pretty fast after that and the time spent with your best friend decreased rapidly, but he always texted you every chance he got and would call or skype you as he was settling down for the night. Oftentimes, his phone would get high-jacked and passed around through his members while his protests could be heard in the background. You weren’t as close with the rest of them as you were with Jisung, but they had quickly become your boys and you couldn’t be prouder of all of them and prouder to call them your friends. 

Which just made it hurt all the worse when the nightly chaos calls slowly turned into weekly at best calls. 

You understood, you wouldn’t feel like a very good friend if you didn’t, but you still missed all of them like crazy. You wished you could be by their side instead of watching from the sidelines. 

A part of you knew you could be, that you didn’t have to put yourself through this pain if you just owned up and confessed. But telling your best friend since diapers that you’re in love with him, even if you’re pretty damn sure it’s mutual, is too terrifying a concept to consider. 

You knew being an idols partner would be stressful, but it would also give you a lot more time to spend with the boys. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, the risk of you being wrong and him not feeling the same weighing too heavily. The best case scenario would be you were right, you’d never have to leave your best friend's side, you’d be at every show like he’d wanted, you’d be there for everything; but worst scenario, you lose your best friend and the boy you love in one swoop, as well as the rest of your closest friends. 

You’d rather deal with the spotty texts and irregular calls than creating an unfixable rift.

````

Despite the damn near radio silence you’d endured while they traveled their first year as an actual group, you still made sure to keep the promise you’d made and bought a ticket to a small local show they’d be doing. 

You texted Jisung a picture of the ticket, not really expecting a response and being pleasantly surprised when he texted back a very Jisung response. 

SUNGIE: I knew you were secretly in love with me

Followed by a string of unrelated emojis. Your phone buzzed again with another text.

SUNGIE: the boys want to know if you’d be down to get food and catch up after the show, I already told them yes, you don’t have a choice, I miss my best friend

You couldn’t help the giddy feeling that arose in your chest at his messages, he was right for accepting on your behalf, you would never turn down the opportunity to spend time with your friends, but especially not Jisung.

You typed up a quick reply, agreeing and telling him you’d see them all at the concert.

The rest of the week couldn’t go by fast enough. Texts with Jisung had become a little more regular again, both of you excited for some time together, and you’d even gotten a call in. You were counting down the minutes to the concert, antsy to see your friends again.

Your roommate helped you pick out an outfit for the concert because “there’s no way you’ll be representing in jeans and a t-shirt, we’re going to look sexy as fuck.” and you couldn’t find it in you to argue. 

When the night finally arrived and you were situated next to your roommate not far from the stage, you couldn’t shake the anxiousness at seeing them again. They were your friends, and they always would be, but you wondered how much they’d changed in the year you’d been separated; you wondered if they’d still act like your friends.

Your fears were relieved fairly quickly as they finally took the stage. It only took about three songs for Felix to spot you, lighting up the moment he did and running around to inform the others. Throughout the show they each took moments to find you to wave subtly. It eased your mind knowing they seemed as happy to see you as you were them.

After the show, you and your roommate waited until most of the crowd died off before you said your goodbyes, your roommate heading for the exit as you headed towards the side of the stage, grinning and walking faster when you noticed Jisung peeking around the corner and waving when he spotted you.

You threw your arms around him the second you got to him, happy to finally have your best friend back.

It didn’t take long for the rest of the boys to crash your reunion, quickly dragging you into a group hug. 

“Hey back off! This is my bestie, all of you can go find your own.” Jisung pouted, but you could see how his eyes softened as his eight new best friends embraced you and accepted you as a part of their little family.

````

“Woojin, who has been with Stray Kids as a member until this time, has left the group due to personal circumstances and terminated his exclusive contract.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in your eyes as you read the headline. You had just had lunch with all of the boys a few weeks prior and everything seemed fine, they were excited for their blossoming career together. Not one of them, not even Jisung, had let on to anything. 

You felt you had at least a bit of a reason to feel hurt, they were your closest friends and you had to learn one was splitting from the group through a gossip site. Before you could think, you were outside the boys dorm, hand raised to knock, when voices stopped you when you heard your name, making a mental note to tell the boys to shut their windows.

“I just don’t understand why we didn’t tell Y/n.” Jisung sounded defeated.

“It’s not that we didn’t want to, Hannie, it’s just that the least outsiders that know the truth, the better.” “Y/n isn’t an outsider! They’re my best friend, they wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

“We just, we can’t guarantee that. I love them, they’re a wonderful friend, but they’re not a part of this world Han. They wouldn’t understand and we can’t risk it. The next few months are going to be hard enough on Stay, nine or none is dead and we’re tasked with moving along like it’s nothing, the last thing we need right now is anything getting misconstrued.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you listened in. You could understand where Chan was coming from, but it still hurt hearing he couldn’t bring himself to trust you.

You wiped your eyes and finally knocked, not wanting to just vanish. They were still your friends.

“Hey, you guys seriously need to remember to shut your windows, I could hear Changbin from the driveway.” You laughed as you let yourself in, hugging Chan as you passed him before joining Jisung on the couch. It wasn’t long before other members started filing into the living room, presumably to see you, but you suspected it was more due to the safety and assurance that Chan and Jisung were done with their conversation as long as you were present.

“I heard the news by the way, I’m sorry this is happening. But hey! Maybe some good news can lighten the room.” You took a deep breath, nervous knowing your news would absolutely not help anything. “I got a huge promotion at work.” You grinned, fiddling with your hands, which Jisung and Chan both picked up on immediately.

You hadn’t mentioned being up for promotion, mostly because you weren’t even positive you’d get it, let alone accept it, but with a world tour on the horizon for the boys, and now the addition of being reminded you weren’t anything more than a normal level friend, you figured why not, what would be keeping you in Seoul anyway?

Congratulations and excitement filled the room, you smiled, thanking everyone for being happy for you, but your smile faded when Jisung’s hands covered yours, stopping your nervous fidgeting. He refused to meet your eyes.

“What’s the bad news?” He asked softly, eyes glued to where his hands were holding yours.

The excitement in the room felt as if it was sucked out by a vacuum, you tried to smile, already shaking your head to say there wasn’t any, but it died on your throat when Jisung’s eyes finally met yours, his brown eyes shining as he looked at you. “Don’t lie to me, please.” He whispered.

You slouched in defeat. “It was meant to be exciting news to cheer everyone up, Sungie. I mean, it’s not necessarily bad news, per se, it could be a really great thing even, you know?”

Jisung cut off your rambling by squeezing your hand. Giving you a look that said ‘get on with it.’

“The promotion is to an American branch.”

````

Jisung had somehow convinced his management to give him enough time off to help you move, no matter how much you insisted he didn’t need to. 

You had been busy cleaning out your closet, packing what to keep and piling up things you didn’t, figuring you could donate them, with your music blasting, none the wiser to the eight boys standing in your doorway. 

“Do they always keep the music this loud?”

The shouted question startled you. You whipped around in shock before rushing to lower the volume to greet your friends.

“Yes. Yes they do.” Jisung grinned teasingly as he pulled you into a hug. “I brought some extra hands, hope you don’t mind.” He said before kissing the top of your head and releasing you, whistling as he looked at the walls, still covered in pictures of the both of you, and some with the rest of the guys.

Seungmin was pointing out ridiculous pictures of Jisung to Jeongin and Minho laughed as he noticed a baby picture of the younger member. 

“Hyung, maybe we should ask Y/n for young pictures of Han instead of him or his family.”

Jisung groaned at that and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I mean, there’s a lot of pictures here, so if you see any you’d like to keep, go for it. Most of them will likely just stay in a memory box while I’m overseas anyways.”

The look of utter betrayal Jisung shot you just made you laugh harder as you patted his shoulder and put all the boys to work.

````

“Y/N! STRAY KIDS RELEASED A NEW ALBUM!”

It had been a year since you moved to America, and a year with your new roomies, whom you loved dearly. Throughout that year, the Kids had been garnering more and more popularity. 

You learned Eve and Nat, twins that were complete opposites in almost every way, had watched the entire Elimination Show as it was airing and Nat actually cried in relief when it was announced they’d debut as nine; Noel, a blunt and chaotic content creator, was a bit picky and admittedly didn’t like all of their music, but she loved them as people and would flood the house group chat with reels and tiktoks, her bias is Chan; and it took a little while for Lia, a tiny italian, to get in to them, but Eve was adamant that all roomies had to be Stays and when the twins had K-pop blasting through the house pretty much non-stop, it’s hard not to get pulled in.

You still kept in contact with the boys to some extent, it wasn’t as drop out of touch as the first year was, but you could tell the distance was growing again. When the day came that you no longer contacted one another, you wouldn’t be surprised. You brought yourself to look at it as you were thankful for the extra time you were given, you’d assume most idols lose contact with people of their past life fairly quickly.

You had never told your roommates about your connection to the band, not because you didn’t trust them and adore them but because it felt too risky. They could try to use you to get to the boys, or just flat out tell you to take your delulu meds. It hurt, thinking your closest friends might abandon you because of that kind of knowledge, it helped you understand Chan a little more with the Woojin situation. 

Your door burst open, any semblance of privacy pretty well gone when it came to Eve’s excitement.

“Did you hear me?? A new album! They take such good care of us!” She fake cried dramatically as she sprawled out on your bed. 

Eve was followed shortly by Lia, holding a cup of coffee with six tally marks drawn on it, indicating it was her sixth cup of the day; and Noel carrying a camera, likely having filmed the entire invasion.

“Yes I heard, I think the whole neighborhood did.” You laughed, playing with the girls hair. “Are you going to play this new album or just continue to shout about it?”

Eve groaned. “We have to wait until stupid Nat gets home, who even made the stupid rule about new album drops having to be group listening parties anyways?” She grumbled as you and your other roommates tried to hold back your laughter.

“You did, babe.” Lia giggled, sipping her coffee and joining the two of you on your bed.

Life with them often meant no privacy, the amount of times all five of you have ended up sleeping in one bed for the night was crazy, seeing as you all have your own rooms. There were a lot of blurred lines within your house, but you loved it and wouldn’t change it for almost anything.

“So who is this in all your pictures anyways? I don’t think I’ve ever asked before.” Noel mumbled as she walked around your room, camera in hand.

“I’ll tell you if you don’t use that footage you’re getting.” You joked.

“Deal!” Lia agreed on her behalf, setting her mug down and wrestling the camera from Noel to shut off the recording.

“Tell us. We’ve all been dying to know. You never talk about your past.”

You hesitated for only a moment before relaxing into your pillows.

“His name is Jisung, in all the photos. He’s my best friend, we grew up together but we don’t talk all that much anymore. His career distanced him, and mine obviously didn’t help that. It’s simple as that. We talk maybe once every few months now.”

“Are you in love with your Jisung?” Eve asked, blue eyes staring up at you with a childlike twinkle.

“Yeah, I am.” 

The girls giggled and you hid your face in your pillow to avoid the teasing until Nat walked in, asking what was going on, and immediately getting updated. He joined in on the teasing, which thankfully only lasted until Eve remembered Stray Kids’ new album NOEASY.

````

“I swear, you being besties with a boy named Jisung gives you insane luck or something, how  are you always pulling Han? Honestly at this point I think you have just as many Han Jisung photo cards on your walls as you do pictures of your Jisung. You’re so lucky your bias is so easy for you to get. Five target exclusive albums and not ONE Felix photocard. Like, don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly content with my Changbin, Innie, and Seungmin cards, but how did not a single one of us pull a Lixie?!” Eve banged her head against the wall as she rambled.

Nat rolled his eyes at her and immediately got smacked by the girl tucked under his arm.

“Ow! What the hell Lia, I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t be rolling your eyes at my baby girl.” Lia said threateningly.

“For the last time, you’re dating me, not my sister, please stop calling her your baby girl.”

“Oh please, brother. I could steal your girl anytime I want and we all know it.” Eve giggled, finally snapping out of her rambling state to tease her brother. Lia blew her a kiss, sending her a wink.

“We can steal girlfriends another time, right now we’re going to be late for dinner, and we all know how James can get about his dinners.” Noel rolled her eyes at the trio as she put her camera away, having filmed everyone opening their albums. She has so much content of Lia and Eve flirting with each other that a good amount of her viewers have started theorizing that Nat is Lia’s beard.

James is the twins' father. After the twins had moved out he had insisted they come home once a week for a family dinner, the invite was quickly extended to the rest of the household as James seemed to systematically adopt everyone. You had never complained because it was a day off from feeding the household and because James was actually an amazing cook. 

```

“We’re going. I don’t care if I have to throw you all into my car forcefully, we are going to this concert.” Lia stated as the roommates were gathered in the living room looking at the tour dates announcement. “I don’t care if I have to drive the whole nine hours by myself, I am not missing this concert.”

Stray Kids were playing only a few states away and everyone but you had missed them the last time they’d been so close due to having already had tickets to something that same weekend. The only reason you hadn’t missed it was because you’d been in the city of the concert for business and delayed your flight a day to see them. You’d felt bad for seeing them without your roommates and best friends of three years, but you would have felt more bad breaking a promise to your best friend of much, much longer.

“And you!” Lia turned her eyes on you, pinning you with a scolding motherly glare. “No running off and seeing them by yourself again! We’re all going to see our boys and that is final.”

You weren’t about to argue with her, and no one else seemed to want to either, so everyone set reminders for the day tickets would go on sale and started plotting outfits for the concert.

```

The energy in the crowd was indescribable, the excitement all around you made the hairs on your arms stand up. You could feel nerves bubbling up in your stomach, yes you’d seen the boys plenty of times since you all lost touch, but you’d always actively avoided any seat that could potentially be seen from stage, but the tickets went on sale whilst you were in a crucial meeting and Lia, being the groups sugar momma, bought only the best she could get her hands on, landed you about three rows from front and center.

An excited hush fell over the crowd as the lights dimmed, everyone pressing forward just a little to try and get that much closer to the people coming up on the stage, but you just wanted to turn tail and run.

Nat grabbed your hand, squeezing it as if he could sense your nerves. It wouldn’t surprise you, of all your roommates, Nathaniel had always been the one to pick up on peoples emotions the easiest and he had always had a keen sense of awareness to things he shouldn’t be aware of.

The lights burst with the opening chords of the first song of the evening and an odd mixture of pride and nausea hits you as screams drown everything out and the boys finally come into proper view.

“Deep breaths honey. You’re okay.” Nat’s comforting voice whispers into your ear, his hands squeezing a little tighter, grounding you. “Just have fun, don’t worry about him.” 

Whipping your head to look at him, you see a knowing glint in his eyes and as he nods his head back towards the stage, you realized he’d pieced it together.

How does he know? Do they all know?

He smiles once more, squeezing again, before looking away and releasing you entirely, joining the throngs of people screaming and enjoying the show. You look back towards the stage, noting how much each of your old friends have changed over the years. 

You let your nerves slowly slip away as you let yourself enjoy the promise you’ve always upheld and support your friend by screaming along and dancing with the rest of the crowd.

```

Your anxieties of earlier had been completely forgotten by the time the halfway point hit. As the lights come up to allow people a small intermission to use the bathroom or get some water, you turned to your roommates, joining in the excited rambles of all they’ve witnessed so far, adding in your notes as well, stealing glances at the timer in the middle of the stadium periodically. But as you make eye contact with a pair of curious brown eyes peeking from backstage, you feel your stomach drop. Even from the distance you’re at, you can see the recognition flash in those big eyes as they widen before disappearing entirely behind the curtain. 

Just as you’re about to turn and make a hasty exit, those curious eyes return with another pair. 

Felix and Jeongin seem to freeze you in place. You watch as Jeongin’s eyes light up with familiarity, his hand quickly coming up to shoot you a small wave, you wave back, not even thinking, and his smile widens, eyes squinting, as he seems to bounce in place to contain his happiness. It melts your heart to see, realizing you truly have missed all of them, not just Jisung.

They both wave again before disappearing just as fast as they’d appeared. “Okay, what was that all about?” Lia whispers, her small hand gently holding your elbow to get your attention.

“I’m not entirely sure.” And it’s not a complete lie.

“Your Jisung is Han Jisung, isn’t it.” It’s not a question, not really, and you have no energy to try and hide it anymore. “Are you friends with all of them?”

“Was. I’m not sure I can claim being a friend to any of them anymore.”

“Well I would say you can because Lee fucking Felix and g’damn I.N. just waved at you.” 

“You don’t know it was at me.”

“Yes I do, and you do too. Don’t bullshit right now.

“It doesn’t even matter because they’ll finish this show, do the one tomorrow, and they’ll be gone and nothing will be different.”

Lia gave you a look that screamed she thought you were insane but before you could tell her that it’s just how it is, the lights dimmed again. The stadium hushed quickly, all noticing the timer wasn’t quite finished yet, then it stopped all together and a spotlight came on over a nervous looking Han Jisung, front and center, the other kids not too far behind him. 

He wasn’t facing you, but his eyes were scanning and he was turning slowly, while trying to look normal.

“This wasn’t exactly scheduled, and I’m sorry about that, but I just talked it over with the others and with the band and we’re going to perform There for all of you tonight. This song is, well it’s really important to me.”

With that, the opening chords start playing and Han's beautiful voice fills the hushed room.

Oh, I think of you, I only fall for you

Feels like a never-ending waterfall

Tears spring to your eyes. Ever since they’d released this song, you’d felt as if it was written for you. Your logical mind screamed it likely wasn’t, that it wouldn’t make sense for it to be. You’d had no contact with them for over three years, so why now? But even with those thoughts, you couldn’t help but remember nights spent with your best friend in the whole world, evenings passed by whilst stargazing despite the horrendous amount of light pollution and lack of visibility. Everything about the song when it was released made you think of the time before all of this, when you’d always had Han Jisung by your side. 

You make eye contact with Bang Chan as he follows Han’s vocals to fill his own part, he smiles, his dimples on full blast, and you know it’s his way of acknowledging you.

As the song passes, slowly the rest of the members seem to locate you, waving subtly, putting hearts up, ways to say hi without alerting the thousands of fans around you. Everyone sees you, except for Jisung, who either can’t locate you or is actively avoiding your eyes. Your heart drops at the thought. 

Did you really have it wrong? You had assumed it was a long shot that There was written for you, but hearing them perform it live and seeing them all track you down brought hope that maybe it wasn’t just wishful thinking, all except the one you want to look at you the most.

Your heart sank further and further as the song came to a close, Han never having looked your way.

I know that it'll never stop

Oh, I'm still right there.

You watch Chan grab Jisung and pull him off stage as the countdown starts back up, and you’re pretty sure everyone can see the slump in his shoulders as his leader drags him away.

“Get out of your head honey. Just try to enjoy the show.” Nat rubs your back in comforting circles until Eve whips around, her grin too bright to ignore.

“This is the best night ever!” And of course your sunshine friend is oblivious to your inner turmoil. All you can do is smile back and agree.

You take deep breaths, you let your friends and the adoring fans around you ground you, and you decide to just enjoy this band that you’ve been a fan of for years instead of stressing about the friendship you’d already assumed was dead.

```

You could feel yourself letting loose, dancing to the music, singing at the top of your lungs, just enjoying being in the crowd. It was easy to be happy in a room with all your favorite people. 

Throughout the night all the boys would check up on you, your area of the crowd easily became a favorite to interact with, but Han still hadn’t looked at you. Trying not to let it affect you, you made a heart with Lee Know and then broke it, watching in delight as his brows raise in shock and he starts laughing. His laughter draws the others' attention and they all seem to light up at the sight of happy Lee Know. 

Han make’s his way over to Minho, throwing an arm over his shoulder and preparing to do his rap when Minho whispers something to him and nods in your direction. Everything seems to fade away as Jisungs eyes finally meet yours, you can vaguely hear the instrumental for his part of the song but he’s not rapping, he just seems frozen as he stares at you.

Raising your hand, you give him a small wave, his hand following the motion and copying which makes you smile. Minho must pinch him because his body jolts and he shoots his friend an incredulous look, and then as if remembering where he is and what he’s supposed to be doing, he blushes and follows Lee Know to the rest of the members to get into choreo formation for the next song, but not without shooting you one more smile.

Sound comes rushing back in, and suddenly the air feels lighter, you hear Lia squealing as she bounces up and down next to you, holding your arm, and you can feel Nat’s arm around you. 

Han’s eyes can’t seem to stay off of you after that, you catch him looking at you more often than not. You feel giddy, laughter bubbling in you as he stumbles some choreography while trying to keep his eyes on you. 

The rest of the concert flies by way too fast, you don’t want the night to end, you don’t want to go back to your hotel and let this moment go past you. You don’t want Han Jisung to stop looking at you again. 

All the longing for your best friend, all the time you spent pretending you were alright with the way things turned out because he was living his dream and he was happy, all those years loving someone unattainable, drowns you as the boys leave the stage for the last time that night. The weight of realization weighs on you as the lights come up and the stadium starts clearing out, and just when you were ready to grab your friends and elbow your way to out of the stadium, putting the whole night behind you and accepting the end of a friendship officially, a guard tracked you down, asking for you by your Korean name, and asking you to follow him.

Confusion, and a bit of hope, floods you as you look to your friends, who just shrug, just as confused by the request but following you and the guard, after Noel and Lia argue that security or not their friend isn’t going anywhere without the rest of them because that wouldn’t be safe. You’re all brought backstage and left in a room with several couches and a table full of snacks. 

“So, what the heck is going on?” Eve finally asks, breaking the confused silence.

“Y/n’s boyfriend got us V.I.P access, apparently.” Nat responds.

“BOYFRIEND?!”

You smack Nat’s arm, causing him to laugh. “No babe, I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m just as confused as you are.”

Before much else could be said, a loud squeal is heard just before you're lifted off the ground and spun around. 

“Y/n/n!!!” Felix shouts, setting you down and pulling you back in for a soul crushing hug. “I’ve missed you so much, we have so much catching up to do!” He looks around, likely looking for the rest of his members but noticing your friends. “Oh. Hello there!” He smiles. “I’m Lee Felix, nice to meet you all!”

“Let them breathe Lix,” Seungmin rolls his eyes, pulling you from Felix’s grasp just to drag you into a hug of his own. “But he’s right, there is a lot of catching up to do.” He mumbles before releasing you and passing you off to the next person.

You catch a glimpse of your roommates, all of whom look absolutely dumbfounded. Even Nat and Lia, who seemed to have known about Jisung, seemed absolutely bewildered by these events.

You’re passed from member to member and something about it is so nostalgic. Being hugged by these sweaty, energy high, happy boys made you feel completely at peace. 

By the time you’re finally completely released, you notice your boys introducing themselves to your slightly starstruck friends. You also notice everyone is in the room but Han and Chan.

Minho, the ever attentive one, saddles himself next to you, watching your friends mingle. 

“Sungie is, well, he’s having a panic attack, I won’t lie to you, and Chan’s helping him. Don’t worry, he’s not avoiding you.” You flash him a grateful smile.

You watch as Eve and Felix get on like an absolute house fire, both practically bouncing in excitement as they chat about goodness knows what. Nat, Lia, Changbin, and Hyunjin watch in amusement, providing commentary now and again, while you catch up with Minho, Innie, and Seungmin.

It’s not too long before Chan finally enters the room, taking no time at all to scoop you into his arms. “God we’ve missed you, Y/n/n.” He whispers, his face pressed into your neck.

“I’ve missed all of you too. So much. And I am so, so proud of you all.”

Chan pulls back, giving you a tired smile before turning you to the door. “He’s too nervous to come in here, so you might want to go to him.” His smile is genuine, and he squeezes your shoulder once before releasing you entirely and gently pushing you toward the door.

Outside of the room, Jisung is pacing and mumbling to himself, he doesn’t even seem to notice another presence with him.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s just your best friend. Your best friend in the whole world that you’ve been out of touch with for years. You’ll be okay. It’s not like they wouldn’t want to see you.” Han freezes, eyes still locked on the ground. “Oh my god, what if they don’t want to see me.”

“Han Jisung, would you  stop rambling under your breath and hug me already?”

His head whips around, eyes wide, and for a minute all he does is stare at you in shock, and then he rushes towards you, pulling you into a hug so tight it’s as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I missed you so much.” He whispers, his voice watery.

You hug him back with just as much strength, clinging to him and willing your tears back.

“Careful, it almost sounds like you’re in love with me or something.” You try to joke, your voice just as unsteady as his.

That seems to trigger something in him because he pulls back and stares at you for a really long moment. Just taking in your features. “And what if I am?” He whispers. Your breath catches in your throat, his eyes are watery but genuine.

Before you can say anything, he starts fumbling for his pocket before pulling out a small black box. He takes a deep breath before sinking down onto one knee, your eyes widening in shock.

“Because I am, ya know? I always have been. You’ve always been my ending, Y/n/n. And I had promised you once that you’d be stuck with me for the rest of your miserable life, and that I’d put a ring on it if it meant never losing you. Well, then I did lose you, and now that you’re here, I don’t intend on ever letting you slip away again. So, marry me, and let me spend the rest of my life by your side, because I joke about your miserable life a lot, but I know for a fact how miserable life is without you and I don’t want it.”

You can feel the tears running down your face as you drop to your knees in front of him, nodding as you grab his face and pull him in for a kiss.

His lips are salty, likely from your shared tears, and they’re a little chapped, but they meet yours just as eagerly and you know it’s real, and that this is how it always should have been.

You both pull apart for air, he leans his forehead against yours as he grabs your hand to slide the ring into place and you hear whooping and hollering not to far, both of you looking up to see not only the kids, but your roommates all having likely witnessed the whole thing.

Jisung blushes and you grin, tears still flowing as you wrap your arm around your best friend in the whole wide world and show your ring off to Eve and Lia who rushed in to see it immediately.

“I love you.” Jisung whispers as he helps you stand.

“I love you too.” You whisper back, leaning further into him and never wanting to leave his side ever again.

“Sweetie, you have got some major explaining to do.” Eve cuts in, joining the hug and giving you a pointed but teasing glare.

a/n : thank you so much for taking the time to read my story!! if you enjoyed it considering reblogging or leaving a comment with your thoughts, I love to read them🫶

main taglist: nothing yet :)

Han’s POV

[taradactylus]

Been off from tumblr a bit but I just wanna share my general thoughts about TSAMS, especially today's episode...

‼️Quick warning for suicide and self harm mention‼️

I feel betrayed. I legit cried. Out of embarassment, betrayal, and pure but well-reserved anger.

I'm not going to be quiet about how to show handled Sun's problem. Not one fucking media type ever dares to normally bring up suicidal problems, the people who suffer from this, the amount of kids and adults who DIE from such thoughts. This isn't about the overly edgy teenagers who want to normalize cutting yourself is okey and cool. This is about the people who suffered for months and years with such conditions while the world made fun of them or ignored their calls for help. Ignored the signs.

USA doesn't have much of a public transport where the show is going on. But here we do. And a lot of trains are late every day. Late for hours because of "mechanical issues". 8 out of 10 times the mechanical issue is a local kid who jumped front of the train. A teenager fed up with life. An adult who lost their way. An ederly too impatient for death.

I have waited months. Months. To see how Sun deals with it. A character I fell in love with not in a romantic sense, a character who shared way too many of my own problems from hallucinations from abuse till betrayal. A character who was pushed and pulled their entire life around people who slapped you then said they love you. I wanted to see how he heals out from it.

The signs were there. Everywhere. Sun said it out loud once that he at least fantasized about death. EVEN OLD MOON KNEW ABOUT THIS! He literally told New Moon Sun would be capable of doing it.

So why... why through Miku, the character used as the "weird fandom girl" symbol do they bring up such a delicate topic? A topic that is not delicate because you have to tip toe around the people who live with self destructive thoughts day and night, but delicate because it matters to be properly heard out AND NO ONE LISTENS!

Not one fucking media listens. A lot of us out there rely on fandoms. Stories we can escape to because the world never listens. And call me a self-projector all you want dear creators or whoever writes the story, but you either just pulled the cheapest and most dumbest way to close off a story line with solving Sun's problems off-screen, or you just legit don't give a fuck about people who "self-projected".

Honestly, what if I did? What if in a sense, I saw myself in Sun? A Sunshine of a character ruined and changed by the things that happened to him. Am I not allowed to relate to him? Am I an annoying "fan-girl" for caring about how he heals because I myself have no idea how to do it either? Or am I like Miku for hoping someone calls out on his behaviour because that's something I've wanted my entire life and never got?

And here I am, still somehow hoping Sun is lying. That he is in denial. That there is more to what was shown... but honestly? How long should I wait and hope while the character I started to like is now becoming a bit too toxic?

And with all due respect, I'm taking this episode personally. The creators watch the fandom. Probably have their secret accounts to see what the people theorize. And if Sun is not lying, and suicide is an annoying topic and we are self-projecting too much onto Sun, with all due respect, dear creators... grow the fuck up and educate yourself.

I don't need the world to pity my ass for having self-harming habits, wishing to die and even attempted suicide before (I'm getting my ass to therapy in the meantime so do not worry about me), but all I want from content creators to fucking educate themselfes before bringing up such topics. TO CARE A BIT MAYBE?!

I have survived my worst times, but not everyone does (it's not about who is weaker or stronger, only utter guilt held me back, without that I'd be long gone), andI want for those who has no help feel like they're heard and seen. Cause literally that's all itt takes sometimes to maybe save someone's life.

So yeah. I'm utterly disappointed in this episode. Not because I want the world to know that I'm suicidal and everyone should tip toe around me and "omg pls give me attention" ect ect ect...

Im disappointed because I had hopes for TSAMS to maybe, maybe be an example and bring this topic up normally for a change. But well... here goes my hope for an educational approach of suicide and self harm in a popular show.