#i left out how this could tie so fucking well to the gay theory because thats theory ON theory speculation aka. a seperate post

[plan-3-tmars]

My Theory on Kazui's Parent's.

Q: Is there a meaning behind your name?

A: It's cause I'm the eldest son. It seems like my father was also wishing I'd be "a strong man."

The wording of Kazui's answer here really makes me think. We know that Kazui is strong. He defended Fuuta against Kotoko and even talks about having "never gone up against a woman [like her]" in his VD, implying that he has gotten into fights before (most likely at work - either in the field or in training.)

It seems like, to me, Kazui has parents with very traditional views. Kazui's father wishing that he would turn out to be "a strong man" could imply that he places value on the old-style gender roles in family or society in general. Yes he most likely thinks that being strong physically is important, but also being strong mentally. A 'normal' man who doesn't cry, doesn't show emotain. A man who provides for his family and sticks to tradition, simple as. A son who does what's expected of him - that kind of strong.

~~~

I also think the way Kazui talks is linked to his family's old-school beliefs. Despite only being 39, Kazui always refers to himself as an "old man" and says things like "when your mature/older like me," etc. It's a bit odd, though it might be a cultural thing. Kazui does call himself immature though, so for a man who believes he has only grown up in terms of his age and not his mind, he puts an awful lot of weight on what it means to be an adult. Can you see where I'm going with this? Yup it's back to his strong man comment baby!!!

In that previous qoute Kazui says how his father was also wishing he'd be a strong man. I think the other person Kazui is referencing might very well be himself. I think if Kazui has been taught these old school gender-roles since he was a child, then he might hold alot of weight to them. He wouldn't know any different if that was all he heard about what it meant to be a man as a kid, and therefore wants to live up to that expectation his parents hold of him. He, however, quickly learns that he is not this way and internalises it as something being wrong with him, something that isn't normal that he must fix. Which brings me to my next point...

~~~

I think that Kazui's family are more important to understanding his crime then we may think based on what's been shown to us so far, and I'd even go so far as to say that their beliefs might've been a very big reason/the reason on why Kazui felt the need to lie and marry Hinako.

If we take a situation where Kazui has very traditional parents who want him to grow up quickly, get a nice job and settle down young, it might make sense on why he felt obligated to marry Hinako. In Half he talks about how he's confused on why he doesn't feel happiness in their relationship, as "isn't this what happiness is?" I believe these ideas came from Kazui's parent's. That perhaps they unknowingly (or full knowingly) drilled the idea into his head that a perfect looking couple such as he and Hinako is the ultimate true love, the true happiness, and that he should follow in those steps if he wants to be happy and successful as it in turn will also make them happy and proud of him.

[chuuyascumsock]

AHH SNOOKUMS!! YOURE BACK!!

And don’t worry about it!! Everyone has ups and downs so I get it :D I just feel happy that you interact w me !!

AND OH MY GOD NOT MORE ROACHWS- I’m so sick of those creatures.. WHY DO THEY EXIST THEY HAVE NO PURPOSE AT ALL 😭 I need someone to be there to hold me when I jump and flinch at the sight of one :’( but I’d tolerate them to kiss you in the Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs with a roach corpse ❤️

AND I DYED MY TIPS RED 🤭 I actually really like it! Now whenever I tie my hair up the ponytail or plait is always just red!! Ofc I’ll be the sunset shimmer to your twilight sparkle 😘😘😘

My cousin wasn’t happy when I showed him but only because he wants me to dye my hair green meanwhile his dad wants to cut my hair off because HE doesn’t like it ☹️

AND STOP THAT LIZARD STORY IS SO FUNNY

And you’re so right it IS our gay destiny 😘😘

Pookie we should definitely be lizard moms together 😋 THEYRE SO SILLY AND CUTW I LOVE THEM and snakes, some of them have such funny little faces ❤️

AND OMG I HOPE YOU GET THAT JOB SNOOKIW!!

But I’m on my way home rn!! Get ready I’m going to be back and terrorising my beloved moots full time 🥰🥰

The rest of the trip was okay… I met up w a friend I had when I was but a wee lass and hadn’t seen in ages so now we’re keeping in contact which is nice!!!

How are you my dear? I hope all is well <3

You are so kind to tolerate little roach corpses just so we could smooch 🤭

And I’m so glad you like your hair, I bet it looks adorable (I’ll throw pine cones at your cousin’s dad if he doesn’t stop being a hater— also if your cousin likes green so much, why doesn’t he die his hair green 🙄✋).

I’d love to have like a pet snake at some point (I think the milk snake and corn nose snakes are the cutest and want one). One of my friends said he wanted a pet tarantula and we were planning on being roommates with another friend in the future and I told him my ass was not moving in with him if he got one because I have the worst fear of spiders (even though I love jumping spiders, all the other ones can go to hell, especially wolf spiders— their faces up close scare the fuck out of me and I could go on a rant about how and why they’re different than jumping spiders in terms of scare factor 😭).

I did end up getting the job, I was actually called on a few hours after my interview on the last day of my other job and they told me I got it so jokes on my dad who yelled at me for quitting my other job and getting another job within my two weeks saying I wouldn’t be able to do it 😎 (my mom made him apologize and awkwardly hug me because I def cried lmao).

AND COME HOME POOKIE, WE MISS YOU— THE KIDS MISS YOU 🥺

I’m so glad you got to meet up with an old friend, that’s my favorite thing to do (especially when I disappeared out of nowhere from my home state years ago and left everyone making theories about my missing whereabouts lmao).

I’m doing pretty well, life is looking actually pretty decent. I feel good too, I’ve been getting out a lot more and have more friends. I do more and I’m feeling less bored. Compared to a couple months ago, I feel like I’ve really improved as a person, I think having some people leave my life did me more good than damage looking back on it because they were holding me back from growing since they were not willing to grow themselves so hurray to that :)

Hope you’re doing well Pookie and taking care of yourself 🫶

[maybeitsalive]

Do it here, I beg of you!

Wade’s Homophobic Rant from chapter 35 drives me insane, let me count the ways:

It’s non-sequitur. The context doesn’t explain it at all. Wade is just drunk out of his mind and babbles this shit. It has nothing to do with anything - at first sight anyway.

It’s about firing his male secretary, because this man can’t bear needing people anymore that he can bear being left alone. Wade decides that if he’d kept him, the critics could have magically thought they were gay. Sure. It works like that!

Homophobic Rant is very Homophobic. The “The clever boys that write book reviews because they can’t write anything else would have caught on and started giving me the buildup. Have to take care of their own, you know. They’re all queers, every damn one of them.” part reeks of conspiracy theories.

I’m not gonna lie though, the first time I read it, I laughed. In this book so full of queer subtext, the lack of self-awareness was hilarious to me.

How. Fucking. Ever. When I read it now, I don’t laugh anymore. Because that rant is told by Wade, a man who might very well fancy his interlocutor, and Marlowe who listens to him is very much bisexual and in love with a third man. Add to this the fact that Wade and Terry are self-inserts of the author and we have. A Thing. A very complicated thing, made of denial and self-hate and longing. Pesky homosexuals, who can write whatever they want with no repercussion. Who can be real artists above pulp fiction. Who are free to be themselves. Pesky homosexuals, Wade says to the face of a man he barely knows but to whom he has asked two times if he liked him, alternating between rejection and clinging to him.

Marlowe is very much homophobic too – well, he was in the Big Sleep in any case. He was very clear about it in his first book: gay men are weak degenerates, and even if they present well, they’re repulsive. Effeminate men are not to be trusted either (except if he’s horny for them, but that’s another question). However, here he only makes a stoic and reasonable objection to the Homophobic Rant: queer people were always here.

Wade sneers and tells him something that doesn’t match his rant at all. A book he has red, the Golden Bough “proves our sexual habits are pure conventions like — wearing a black tie with a dinner jacket.” (It’s a comparative study of mythology and religion, I’m afraid I haven’t read it and I don’t know how it ties to sexuality. I can’t dare analyze it without further research.) It sounds like a defense, almost a eulogy. Then Wade says “I’m straight”. But right after, what does he tell us ?

“You know something? I’m a liar.” Yes, Wade talks about his books. Does he only talk about his books ?

Wade sold himself. He apparently has a nice life, but he gave his soul for it. He lied to please people. Just like Terry, he conformed to the life that society thinks is best. He hates it. His wife is beautiful and rich, but she doesn’t love him and he doesn’t love her. He earns a lot of money thanks to his books, but they’re full of lies and he has to keep going. Marlowe is right. It’s a wonder he can stay alive. This is an unloved man, surrounded by unloving people and self-disgust, trapped in a prison of his own making.

Marlowe is in a lot of denial, but he never sold himself. He has a bit of a rant himself at the beginning of the same chapter, telling he'd rather take the life he leads than having a perfectly normal nuclear family. As a queer man, he can’t pretend to happiness, however by not surrendering to the status quo, he can still have his honor and morals intact. I’m afraid that in this universe where being queer is degenerate and heteronormativity a prison and a poison for the soul, it’s the best he can hope for.

It’s too late for Wade. He can’t go back. All he can do is opening another bottle, after telling it “it’s lonely” before rudely rejecting Marlowe out of his room. It’s his death sentence.

Sure, The Long Goodbye is the story between Terry Lennox and Philip Marlowe, but Roger Wade's unrequited crush on Marlowe is insane. No, I'm not over it.

Philip Marlowe: *saves Roger Wade*

Roger Wade: OwO You did such a good job. Do you like me ? I could like you.

Philip Marlowe: Whatever, this is just a job for me.

Roger Wade: Stay at my house. Nothing much, only for three months ! I like you. Don’t you want to solve the mystery of my soul ? ;) Take care of me like you took care of Terry Lennox !

Philip Marlowe: Terry </3 :’(

Roger Wade: Fuck you, the deal is off.

Philip Marlowe: *uncomfortable*

Roger Wade: Let me call you at midnight. Please hide these pages, I don't want my wife to see them. I’ve written I’ve had an impure orgasm and I complain about my quack doctor being queer. Ugh, queer ! Disgusting. Why don’t you care ? Why am I not your second Terry Lennox ? :’(

Eileen Wade: I am interested too :)

Philip Marlowe: I am out of that fucking house.

Roger Wade: Come to lunch !

Philip Marlowe: ...fiiine.

Roger Wade: You like my wife more than me ! How dare you !

Philip Marlowe: No I don’t and I’m out.

Roger Wade: Don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me ! You have My Mystery to solve ! Why don’t you like me ?

Philip Marlowe: Fine, I’ll stay in your house but not in this room.

*does so * Ugh, why did I choose that job ? I could have a normal life, I could be rich, I could have a heteronormative family with a wife and kids – yuck. Never mind, I’d rather do what I’m doing. Let’s check on this guy again.

Roger Wade (drunk): You know I fired my male secretary because people could have mistaken me for gay ! Me ! Ha ! A disgusting queer ! Gasp ! Of course queer people are very intelligent and very artistic and sexual conventions are only conventions. Disgusting. I lie in my writing, I lie about my life, I lie about everything. I need another drink.

Philip Marlowe: Don’t you think you have en-

Roger Wade: Get out ! “I couldn’t get low enough to want you !” *gets killed*

I mean. Insane.

[msookyspooky]

Random Headcanon's for the Scream Character's

Billy really was a normal sweet kid and a good boyfriend before his mom left. Everyone paints him as always being crazy and his mom just triggered him but I honestly don't think that's true. Sidney and her parents would not have been okay with her dating a bad boy from Sophomore year onward. Sure it happens and maybe she saw past it but If Sidney would have seen how Billy acted with Randy in the videostore; instant break up imo. He could not have hid that side of himself for two years straight. Remember, they were dating a whole year prior to Maureen cheating. My theory is he may or may not have had a 'side' to him or other undiagnosed disorder in his gene pool (Mrs Loomis snapping too.) but Billy's psychotic breakdown was mostly situational + groomed by Roman and there were other things in his life that probably were boiling over and Debbie leaving him completely broke him. So, he was in an extremely vulnerable state when Roman came around and molded him. THAT is why Sidney trusted him so much in Scream before the phone incident and even somewhat after. Because Billy was a good boyfriend before her mom's murder and she would have never suspected it. Now how her or no one else could see him tumbling into madness or at least deep depression before Roman sank his talons in is beyond me. Maybe she did and he shrugged her off? Either way, the situation made him shut down all empathy towards other people and changed him. His empathy is towards his mom, possibly his dad since Hank never died and that is it. He has symptoms of a psychopath and even though that is usually genetic I 100% think a psychotic breakdown could do it as well.(Don't come for me bitch I'm not trained in any of this just using what I know from research 🧍‍♀️) If his mom never left and Roman didn't come along; Billy would have never been a killer

Contrary to Billy's situational psychological crazyness. Stu was always going to kill. I don't even think it's is he a sociopath vs a psychopath argument as much as he is just disconnected from reality. (Though he would most likely be a Sociopath if he was bc of his lack of boundaries as well impulsive behavior. Thinking killing was a game.) Stu possibly suffered abuse as a child. He was terrified of his parents more than the law. Either A. They abused him and permanently terrified him. Or B. He really has a stunted mentality and thinks of killing as a game and fears his parents more than the law bc the consequences are just not clicking LIKE A KID. He's like a giant little kid with no sense of how things work. He still could have been abused and that is what stunted his growth mentally. However, his violent tendacies were always there. Never preplanned just urgent anger or sadistic glee he couldn't control. Billy just suggested the killings and he was instantly down. Like, hell yeah cool. Most ppl no matter what mental illness they have or how severe are not that easy to convince. Whose to say he hadn't killed before or was planning to? My theory is he is so disconnected from reality that killing really is a giant fun game to him and he would have eventually murdered someone even without Billy.

Idk why this isn't more thought of throughout the fandom. Billy and Stu did not rape Maureen bc the evidence would have pointed to someone other than the guy they were framing. Cotton Weary had sex with Maureen, left, Billy and Stu taunted her on the phone and lured her away, they killed her, police suspected rape bc A. they didn't know about the affairs. B. Cotton's semen or her discharge or bruising being there. They naturally assumed it was rape but in actuality no one raped her. Cotton's dna from their affair incriminated him even more. Not saying that Billy and Stu would think of rape as morally wrong enough not to do in their book BUT it would have been stupid on their part and made it obvious there were other suspects besides Cotton.

Stu isn't a lapdog. Stu literally revealed on the phone he was going to throw Billy under the bus. He hesitated giving him the knife. Stu is like a kid. He most likely suffered trauma that regressed his mental age. He's eager to please, desperate for attention and most likely fawns over people he feels close to in an obsessive way. He could have even been in love with Billy and vice versa which is why he was so eager to please him. However, he was not nearly as stupid or a lapdog as much as the fandom makes him out to be. I think Randy saying it in the videostore sealed the deal for people even though he was only acting like that bc he was helping Billy too and covering their tracks. Billy was the one with the plan. Stu just tagged along out of the urge to kill. But he 100% had his own plan to kill and bail if needed. My mind is made up on that.

There was a third killer in Scream and it wasn't a teen or Roman. You're telling me two 17-18 yr old guys could come up with every detail? Roman only told Billy the basics. How did they get tactical police shoes? How did they get to the houses so fast and leave just as quickly? How did they both take down and restrain Steve or Neil by themselves enough to tie them up? Sure, Stu was deranged and tall but these two lanky teens were able to take on a football player with muscles and a grown man? Possible but stil meh to me. Their plan was too thorough for two teen boys to come up with on their own. Both crazy. One completely unhinged and disconnected from reality and the other so blinded by revenge he was stupid at times. (Fucking stabbing yourselves before killing Neil and Sidney. Not even thinking to AT LEAST tie Sidney up as well...Really? Jill was smarter in 4 in that respect tbh.) I truly think their was an adult involved in Scream helping them or guiding them. I would say Roman if it wasn't for him going back to Hollywood. But Billy and Stu had help DURING the killings 100%.

Randy is not this mecha survival final boy like the fandom thinks. The kid watched one too many horror movies and based them on real life. Scream itself is making fun of slasher movies and Randy was supposed to be the narrator setting most of the dumb rules up into play. Everyone is like "omg that's so out of character how he died in 2" no its not. If the rules work then him losing his virginity did him in. He was drinking, he was pissed off and not thinking. Plus Mrs. Loomis attacked in broad daylight, something no one thought of. (And the whole debate how a middle aged woman could pull him in. LOOK. Randy is a fucking small guy and she grabbed him backwards, using momentum to haul him back into the van. PLUS she was enraged at what he said about Billy. Adrenaline is a hell of a super drug as far as testing the bodies limits. I have seen tiny girls become the hulk when they are pissed I'm jus sayin) Point is, Randy was just a teen boy that loved horror movies. He was not some survival guide especially since it showed him even on the couch not aware of Ghostface behind him. He was a giant satire showing how even he didn't always follow the rules of slasher movies and how dumb the rules are.

Tatum loved Sidney and had more chemistry with her than Billy. I am not saying they weren't just BFF's and I don't want to ruin female friendship with constantly thinking "omg they are gay together" any time two women are close. BUT it is strange that it was only those two as friends especially since Sidney didn't fit into Tatum's popular social circle. It's like Tatum went out of her way to be friends with Sidney. Maybe they were childhood friends and that's why? But I think it's entirely possible that just like it's speculated that Stu and Billy were secretly in love; Tatum possibly was at least bi and in love with Sidney.

[fakeloveaskblog]

aw, sweet loceit in the evening sun. logan is actually super good at explaining healthy relationships and boundaries and stuff actually, i betcha he could recognize abuse no problem

…aye remy! REMY!! HAve you thought about going to that gay bar more often? who knows, maybe you'll encounter someone nice, make friends with like-minded people, hear some disco, the full nine yards. janus might be there, remus might be there. (just look around for the guy with the blue tie, he's a great guy, if he's not wearing it he'll look like he has that blue tie kinda energy! you could totally just get drunk and unload your grievances on him and i bet he won't even mind!)

(Mentions of U!Virgil but I say beforehand when that happens so those who don’t like U!Virgil can enjoy the rest of the fic up until then)

(Words: 4100)

Remy wiped away a tear while looking at your message. The cold light from their phone was the only thing brightening up the room. Virgil was sleeping beside them, his arm was laid around their waist.

"You just like tots gave me the greatest idea! I'm gonna invite Rem out to the bar! It's gonna the funnest thing like ever! Thanks girl!!"

--

2 days later Remus was dangerously close to eating the moss straight from the gay bar's wall. He had been left without supervision for over 15 minutes while he sat outside waiting for his friend to show up, what else was he supposed to do?!

"SSSSUUUP BABE!!!"

Remy came towards him as fast as they could. They had on a short leather skirt, a neon mesh crop top and a leather jacket over it.

They did a little turn "I just like felt a bit glamorous today!" 

Remus choked on his own spit "The world must be a dark place when you aren't feeling glamorous"

"Awwww babbbe"

He sent them a big grin. He'd just put on his usual oversized dysphoria hoodie and matching oversized (:O) sweatpants.

Remus' smile disappeared in an instant as he noticed dark bruises all around Remy's neck. Shades of purple and green collided against each other.

"Ehm did a vampire come and attack you last night? Seriously are you alri-"

"JUst a reminder that it will be loud in there" Remy interrupted.

"Oh. Right!"

He fumbled around in his bag after his headphones. After putting it and a chew necklace on he did a thumbs up. Remy took off their sunglasses and leaned down so they were face to face.

Their face was so close he could feel their breathe against his lips. They put the sunglasses onto him and sent him a soft smile.

“There’s like lots of bright lights too” They explained.

Remus’ heart fluttered. He didn’t understand why “T-thanks”

They moved their arm around his shoulders as they went into the bar. It was past 12 am so some of the daytime furniture had been moved to make place for a dancefloor. There was indeed lots of neon lights flickering all around the bar and fast pop music was blasting through the speakers.

It was hard to see any details of anyone around him so Remus quickly forgot about the bruise. In this lighting it just looked like a weird choker anyway.

A guy with a see through shirt bumped into Remus. He had top surgery scars. For a moment they looked at each other in the most knowing way. The stranger looked away and continued talking with whoever he was with.

Remus whole body seemed to vibrate. There were so many butterflies in his stomach it felt like he was going to puke, in a good way.

Remy sat him down on one of the tall barstools and slumped down right next to him “So whatcha gonna drink?”

“The squashed down organs of my enemies!!!” He shrugged “Soda?”

They burst out into laughter “What? You catholic or something? Not allowed to drink alcohol?”

He slumped in on himself and started fiddling with his necklace “I-I dunno-”

“No. No babe I was just like joking. Like a stupid bitch. It’s okay” They waved at the waiter “Your most alcoholic fruit mix and your finest coca cola please!”

Remus leaned in to whisper “With salt”

“With salt? Please!”

He kept vibrating like an overexcited weasel. After getting their drinks he kept tapping the glass to stim some of the happiness out.

“Honestly I’ve never been to a gay bar before. I’m digging it. Just like how I’m digging graves”

They playfully hit his shoulder “Then I’m tots gonna try my best to make this the  ultimate first gay bar experience! I can’t think of any other lil fucked up gremlin buddy I would wanna have by my side!”

"Muhahah!! I am officially assigned ultimate gremlin buddy-”

“Greetings” A voice suddenly came from behind them.

Both of them flinched away. Remy let out a short yell and Remus was close to throwing his drink in the person’s face when he saw it was just Logan.

He had on jeans and a black button up with the top button unbottoned. He had with him iced coffee from starbucks because he had to drive home later.

“LOGIE!!!” Remy threw their arms around his neck to pull him closer “Babe this is the Log-legend. Once he was like sooo drunk so when he like tried to kiss me puked on my shoes instead!”

Logan grimaced “I am still very sorry about that”

“Oh I already know him through Janus” Remus replied. 

“Oh my gawd babe” Remy looked between them all “So like we all know Janny?! Wig! Sad he isn’t here then”

Remus held up his cola “Cheers to J-anus!” The other two held up their glasses in agreement.

“Cheers”

“Cheerio!”

“He is very pretty and charming and cute” Logan dreamily sighed. He stopped himself from continuing to say compliments.

“Yeah” The other two sighed back in unison.

Logan sat down on a chair next to them. Remy looked around the bar before squinting at him “No Patty?”

He instantly started looking like a Very sad seal “Sadly my wife is away on a convention with her magical girl anime fanclub this whole week. I estimated that going to the bar would make me feel less lonely”

“You have a WIFe??? Like a real one???” Remus exclaimed, his eyeballs were close to popping out from surprise.

“Yes. This may be a controversial opinion but when I marry someone I prefer them to be physically real” He replied druly.

He got a smug grin on his lips “Does she peg you?”

“She does far more than just peg me”

“Nice!” His eyes went even wider “IS That a stim toy??!”

He pointed at the tangle Logan kept between his fingers “Correct. If I do not have something to relieve my focus onto I can easily go into senso- OH a chewie?”

Remus nodded while showing of his chew necklace. The two of them started rambling about their favorite stim toy. Until they went off into special interests (star trek/astronomy and art/animal biology respectively).

Soon enough Remus was showing pictures of the animal bones he’d found. Logan ooeh and ahhed at all of them before asking the most nerdy of questions (where he’d found them, their bone density, if any damage had been done to them) which only made Rem infodump which made Lo infodump which made them both happy stim.

Meanwhile Remy sat beside them completely zoned out. They got time to drink 2 more of those fruit mixes and a few shots. The room was starting to spin.

The loud music wasn’t keeping out the yelling. They dunked their forehead against the bar table and covered their ears to try and get it out. The music was supposed to keep it out! Why was nothing working! The bruise ached. Their throat closed in on itself until they couldn’t breathe. 

“Remus” They gasped out. They looked over to their friend with a desperate look in their eyes. They just needed a distraction.

“So my theory for why you keep finding bones in specifically that part of the woods is because of the kind of dirt making it take longer for them to deco-” Logan was explaining while Remus nodded along.

“Rem! L-let’s like go up and dance or something. Please” 

This time it caught Remus’ attention. He looked over to them “Sure- are you feeling alright? Did you drink too much? You’re looking like a mummy”

“Yes. No. I just like- Like- They’re playing Charli xcx of course we gotta like dance!!”

“I will protect your belongings then” Logan added.

Remy stumbled up on shaky legs. Remus sent them a warm smile that made them want to cry before taking their hand. He let them lead him out to the dancefloor. Honestly he was pretty nervous about it, but being with them always made some of the anxiety melt away.

They stumbled on their own feet and fell forward. Their friend took ahold of their wrists and pulled them close to his chest. Their faces were so close to each other. So so close.

He didn’t let go. They couldn't remember him ever letting them hold him this close. Their chests pressed against each other. Their arms around his shoulders. His hands on their back. 

"You’re right. It is a good song. Good to crash a car too" Remus said absentmindedly.

Remy let up into shaky giggles from how sudden he’d said it “Yeah. Yeah I guess” 

They kept giggling. He chuckled back. He started spinning around on the dancefloor. They moved with him. His arms wrapped closer around their waist. Their cheek leaned against the slope of his neck (even though they had to lean down to get on his height level).

Remy quietly sang along to the music which made Remus start yelling along to it. The enby threw their head back from laughter. They took his hand and intertwined their fingers.

Remus moved his hand out and spun them around before pulling them close again. Their cheeks were flushed red, his was as well. He playfully dipped them down when the song ended.

It continued on into a song neither of them knew but they kept dancing anyway. They didn’t stay as pressed close to each other but they always had some contact. Holding hands. An arm around a waist. A head leaning against a chest.

When they finally got back to the bar table they were both panting. Remy was completely leaning on Remus since their body had started to hurt, but even through the pain they were both bubbling over with so much happiness they kept breaking out into bouts of giggling.

To their surprise Logan wasn’t sitting alone. A tall person with long dark hair sat on the chair beside him. Xir hand was on his thigh. The nerd had a soft smile on his face as they leant close to talk.

“Uh Lo?” Remus had to wave his arms around to get his attention.

His head shot around to look at them “Hello” He glanced to the person “These are the ones I was protecting belongings for” He stood up and held out his hand “Shall we?” Xir took it. Logan waved at his friends before going off to the dancefloor with the stranger.

“Huh. Good for him” 

“I guess”

Remy ordered another high alcohol fruit mix. Remus happily chewed on his necklace while humming along to the music. Between their chairs their hands hang with their fingers intertwined. Holding their hand had started to make Remus feel all funny in the head for some reason.

The enby watched on as Logan and the stranger danced for a bit before moving to a corner to make out. When the stranger started to lead him towards the bar’s bathrooms Remy turned to their friend.

“Yeah okay he’s not coming back for like a while. Smoke break?”

“Of course!”

They finished their drink before leaving the bar. The pair stopped right outside. Remus sat down on the side of the pavement. Remy tried to sit down but they stumbled over themself and fell flat on the ground.

Remus got up to help “Are you okay? Are you sure you haven’t drank too much?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine” They laughed out.

He sat them down on the pavement while dusting off their clothes. He patted them on the head while pouting “You should get some water”

“Naaaah babe. I’m good”

In the moonlight the bruise was visible again. That horrible dark purple bruise around their neck. It looked like it hurt.

Remus put his hand on their shoulder “Beanie are you alright? I do know it wasn’t some halloween monster that got you that bruise”

For a moment their whole body tensed, they forced a smile “It’s fine. me and my boyf just tried like some new kinky shit in the bedroom y’know. Nothing more” They lied.

They took out a cigarette pack and a lighter from their bag. They traced their thumb over Remus’ lower lip and opened his mouth just slightly. Remy leaned closer while putting a cigerette between his lips. They lit it.

Remus took a deep breathe. It’d been a while since he’d last smoked. He leaned so close the cigarette nearly touched Remy’s skin. They parced their lips as he breathed out the smoke right into their mouth.

A smile spread on their lips. He held the cigarette over to them but they shook their head. They looked around in their bag again and took out a small poppers bottle.

“Should you really take that. Won’t your brain melt out of your ears?” Remus asked “I really don’t wanna have to slorp up your brain juice...yet”

“Relax babe. It’s like not dangerous as long as I don’t like take too much and I only take when partying” It took a moment before they quietly added “And I only party when I need to get out of the apartement”

“What?”

They forced on a bigger smile “What?”

Remy moved the popper up to their nose and inhaled as much of it as they could. It took a few seconds before they let up into a giggle. It was in a higher tone than their usual bubbly laugh, it almost sounded like cackling. They could see stars.

(U!Virgil mentions from here on out)

“Y’know my boyfriend gave me like a flashback or whatever last night” They giggled while swaying from side to side.

Remus gently grabbed their shoulders and moved them to lean against him so they wouldn’t fall over “Uhu. Did you stab him?”

“No silly. He just. He’d been soooo sweet all weeek and I just I just ruined it ‘cause i like overeacted to some joke he made while like we were washing the dishes” They were barely even aware they were speaking “And like it just kept going until we were like screaming at each other”

Remy was still smiling and giggling between every word but tears started to form in their eyes. Their fingers felt numb. Bile was rising in their throat.

“And he just like threw the plate he was holding down on the ground. And it like didn’t hit me. He wasn’t even aiming at me. He was just throwing it at the ground. But it shattered and it was so stupid and overemotional and stupid and pathetic but I just I just curled up on the floor and like had a panic attack like a stupid baby”

They smeared their hand across their face to try and get the tears away. They felt sick. Remus quickly put out his cigarette, it didn’t feel like the right time to smoke.

“And I just like- Is that normal? Is that fine? Like throwing stutff like that? I-I- he’s never done it before. Or I mean like not plates” They looked up at Remus “Is it fine?”

He gulped while fiddling with his hoodie sleeve “Well uh did he apologize?”

“Mhmm. He like- like for some minutes he like kept yelling ‘cause he thought I was just like faking a panic attack to like I dunno manipulate him but then he like comforted me and like calmed me down and like held me and cuddled all night until I fell asleep and- and he said sorry a bunch of times and like he said it would never happen again. He uh usually doesn’t lie”

“Well ehm then it should be fine right? Right?” They both shrugged at each other “I mean everyone can make mistakes! And it was during an argument! Everyone does drastic things during an arguments! So it’s fine. I think”

A shaking breathe of relief left Remy’s lips. They stretched themself over his lap and he moved his arms around them. “Thanks babe. I was like tots worried for a bit but y’know i was thinking like that too. So it’s fine”

“Yeah” He combed his fingers through their hair “You do know you can vent to me whenever right? I promise I won’t gross you out with details about how to pull out rabbit teeth ever again so if I can hold that back then I can also listen to stuff! I can super listen!!”

They closed their eyes. They felt so tired. So tired and sick and horrible. “Mhm. I know babe. I know”

Remy sent him a soft smile before suddenly puking. Some of it came on his pants but mostly on the ground. Remus stood up and carefully moved them down to a sitting position.

He rubbed up and down their back with one hand and held their hair back with his other. Their shoulders were shaking and they were taking in shallow breathes between every sudden throw up.

“It’s okay beanie-boo. Breathe. Breathe. You got all the time in the world. Until the sun blows up at least”

“I-I took- too much- too much” They slurred out before lurching forward again. It seemed to stop for now.

“I’m aware” He carefully wiped away some of the puke left around their mouth with his hoodie sleeve.

They leaned back against his chest. They closed their eyes and focused on breathing. He held them so so gently. As if they would break like glass otherwise. He pressed a kiss to the top of their head.

“There you are!” Logan said as came through the bar entrance “What a relief. I assumed you had left without me because you thought my actions were unacceptable” He noticed how pale and shaky Remy looked and got a worried look on his face “Is everything alright?”

“They feel like someone has slammed a fish into their stomach. Not good” Remus replied.

“I see. I suppose it woud be best to get them home”

Logan picked Remy up with ease to carry them to his car. He was quite sure he’d carried dogs that weighted more than them. Remus anxiously followed along.

He sat them in the passenger seat. He shook their shoulders until they opened their eyes. They let out a quiet whine.

He held up 4 fingers “Remy how many fingers am I holding up?”

“Fuck yourself”

“Noted”

They moved to the side and seemed to pass out again. Logan closed the door before turning to Remus.

“Did they take anything?” He whispered.

“Only a popper”

“Good. Do you need a ri-”

“Bus”

“Okay” Logan was about to go but stopped midstep and lowered his voice even more “Oh and Rem...Could you please not ask Janus to hang out next weekend? I am planning a surprise...I hope it will make him happy”

“Good luck comrade....Please text me once Remy is home safe. Please?”

“Of course”

He did a little nod before leaving. Logan got into the car. He couldn’t stop looking at the bruise around their neck. Remy continued to sleep for most of the ride until they they were 5 minutes or so away from their apartment. They suddenly flinched awake.

“Stop the car!” They gasped out. 

“Are you still feeling the same?”

“Logan stop the fucking car!” There was fear in their eyes. 

Logan stopped by the side of the road. The road was barren and dark. It had to be past 3 am at least. Remy crawled back into the backseats while their whole body shook.

“Don’t. Look. At. Me”

“Sure” He stared down into the steering wheel to not accidentally see their reflection in the glass.

“I just. I just have to change clothes. I just. I don’t want Virigl to call me a whore again. I mean. He won’t. But what if. What if he gets mad. I just. I just have to change” They slurred out.

They stumbled out of the car after changing into a pair of long pants and closing their leather jacket. A cold chill went up Logan’s spine. He quickly stepped out of the car as well.

“Okay bye bye Logie!!”

They tried to move but Logan grabbed onto their shoulders. He forced back a choking feeling in his throat “What do you mean by your boyfriend getting mad?”

“Pff! It’s nothing! I’m drunk!! Byyyeeeeee”

They started to stumble away but Logan easily followed along “It did not sound like he called you a whor-...you know what...with your consent. I am simply going to remind you that calling a partner things like that is not okay. Not in any circumstance”

Remy’s expression turned cold. They walked faster “I don’t like what you’re implying”

“I’m not implying anything”

“Yes you Fucking are!”

“Exscuse me for being worried about your wellbeing. What you just said sounded like a very bad sign”

“Yeah exactly it only SOUnded bad! My boyfriend isn’t bad!” Remy snarled out.

“I am not saying he is. He doesn’t have to be bad to say awful things, as long as he changes”

They shoved their hands into their pockets. Their hands moved into fists “You don’t know a fucking thing about me. You tried to kiss me once when you were drunk and that’s all. We don’t know each other”

Logan took a deep breathe “I don’t need to know you to see red flags. Remy-” He searched for words “Remy you’re bruised. How- you can’t expect me to not get worried”

Remy suddenly stopped and turned around to meet his eyes. “MY BOYFRIEND ISN’T ABUSIVE! I-”

“I’m not necessarily saying he is. I just wan’t to talk-” His voice started to sound desperate.

They looked like a cornered animal. Tears were brimming at the edges of their eyes “YOU DON’T KNOW A THING!”

“Remy-”

“I DID THIS TO MYSELF!” Their hand went up to the bruise “I DESERVED IT! VIRGIL DIDN’T DO A FUCKING THING! I DID! I TOOK A BELT AND HURT MYSELF! OKAY?! VIRGIL CARES ABOUT ME!”

He tried to sound soothing “Remy please take a deep breathe-”

“NO! NO! YOU KNOW WHAT LOGAN?! THERE IS STILL CUM ON YOUR FUCKING LIPS FROM YOU SUCKING OFF SOME STRANGER IN A DIRTY BATHROOM! SO NO! I AM NOT TAKING LOVE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO IS CHEATING ON HIS GODDAMN WIFE!”

They stormed away. For a moment Logan was frozen in place before he forced himself to run after them to try and make sure they would be okay.

“I am not-”

Remy looked at him for one last time. The look in their eyes made him feel cold. It was pure hatred.

“Logan get the fuck away from me! I am drunk and high and alone on a street with no one but you who is sure as hell fucking stronger than me and all you’re doing is spouting bullshit! So please get why I want you to leave. And why I don’t ever want you to talk to me again!”

He stopped dead in his tracks “...Right....Yes....I am so sorry”

Remy didn’t even respond. They simply turned and walked away. Logan stayed and watched to make sure they got home to the apartment safe before going back to his car.

He slumped down in the seat. His heart was racing and his thoughts were for once an illogical flurry. He sat motionless for several minutes before finally getting some semblence of an idea.

He took out his phone and dialed one of his usual numbers. It took several signals before Emile Picani picked up.

“Mhm? Logie bear? I can’t today I have clients in the morning” He yawned out.

“This is about one of your patients. I am fearing that they are in danger”

In an instant all of the sleepyness in Emile’s voice disappeared “In danger? Physical? Is it urgent? Do I need to call someone? Which patient are you even referring to?”

Logan hesitated. If Remy had reacted that strongly to him just attempting to ask about his boyfriend it was very likely that they would stop going to therapy if Emile brought it up. His throat tightened, he didn’t want to put them in any more danger.

“I....Nevermind Emile....This was just a far too gone joke...Someone dared me to call you. I am sorry. Have a good night”

He ended the call. He leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and let out a long sigh. His hands held onto the wheel so hard his knuckles whitened.

Logan had no idea what to do. No idea at all. All he knew was fear. Fear for Remy’s safety. Fear for their well being. Fear that anything he did would only make their situation worse.

[onlydreamofmysoul]

Let Them Eat Cake Part V

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay with this chapter, but this one is a long one so I hope that makes up for it!

Tonight on The Great British Bake Off…

“It’s all burned!”

“Oh my god, I forgot to put them in.”

“It’s all curdled. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Remus woke up that morning with a bitter taste in his mouth. That was happening a lot lately. He got ready in a series of mechanic motions, showering, dressing, brushing his teeth. He met Lily outside the hotel, and she being the magical being that she was, had a coffee in a take-away cup ready for him.

“Hey,” She said softly. “You ready for today?”

Remus bit the inside of his cheek. “I suppose I’ll have to be.”

Six days earlier...

“Take a walk with me?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded his affirmations. As if he could say no. He followed Sirius out of the tent and they started strolling in the opposite direction of the hotel, avoiding the crowds of the bakers and crew packing up for the day.

“So you made it.” Sirius said after a moment or two of silence. Remus sneaked a peek at the other man out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah,” He said scratching the back of his neck. “If I had gone home I’m not sure if I ever would have been able to eat chocolate again, and that would be a big problem since I think it’s my main food group.”

Sirius burst out laughing and Remus blushed a little, pleased. They were well out of ear shot of anyone else, almost out of sight too. There was a massive oak tree in the middle of an open field and Sirius stepped onto the grass grinning. 

“C’mere, I found a cool spot.”

Remus bit down a smile as he followed him, taking a breath in when they rounded the wide trunk and found a wide swing hanging from a branch, the trunk of the tree completely shielding them from view.

“This is amazing.” Remus said, reaching out to touch the rope, running his fingers over the wooden planks forming a seat. “When did you find this place?”

Sirius shrugged and sat on one side of it, the swing tilting ever so slightly with the imbalance. “Some time in the first few days.” He patted the space still left open, “You gonna sit?”

“Who else knows about it?” Remus asked, rounding the swing. 

“As far as I know… just me. And now you.”

Remus sat and the ropes evened out again. Remus rocked back and forth on his toes a little, the swing swaying soothingly with him.

“It’s brilliant, I love it.” 

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, I thought you would.”

Today...

“Guys! Hang on!” Remus heard but before he had even turned around, someone crashed into him.

“Woah!” He exclaimed, stumbling a little because suddenly he had a bubbly pink haired woman on his back.

“Hi Tonks.” He said laughing, when he had recovered his footing. Tonks wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

“Don’t let the cardigans fool you,” She said to Lily seriously, “He’s deceptively strong.”

Lily smiled, Peter falling in line with them. “I can see that.”

“Ooh! Bake Off love!” Marlene exclaimed, snapping a couple of pictures of them all together, Tonks still on Remus’ back. “These will be great on Instagram.”

“Oh great, now there’s gonna be theories of us dating.” Remus said dryly,  even though he smiled a little. “What do you think our ship name will be?” 

“Ronks.” Lily snorted and no one could stop themselves from laughing at it.

“Is it bad that I kinda like it?” Tonks said, still giggling. “Like it’s ridiculous but that's why you’ve gotta love it.”

Remus nodded and bumped their hips together playfully. “It’s a perfect fit for a perfect couple.” He teased, then ignored the slight pang in his chest, even at his own words.

“Wait, you guys are dating?” Peter asked, completely bewildered and Remus shot him an incredulous look. 

“Of course we’re not, we’re just joking Pete.”

Tonks gasped, her hand covering her chest. “Are you saying you wouldn’t want to be with me?”

“Of course not my love, we would be spectacular.”

“You can see why I’d get confused,” Peter mumbled to Lily.

“But,” Remus continued, drawing out the word before quickly spitting out the next sentence as he laughed a little. “I’m much to gay for that.”

“Here, here!” Tonks cried and they joked all the way down to the set. “Semi finals next week, I can’t believe we’re here already.”

“Oh my god I’m so not ready to think about that yet.” Lily chimed in, Remus and Peter nodding their agreements.

Remus felt his shoulders tense as they entered the tent, but after a quick glance around, he realised Sirius wasn’t there. He probably shouldn’t be so relieved, he would have to see him eventually so really Remus was just prolonging the inevitable but you can’t blame a guy for wanting to avoid an awkward situation. He stood at his station, but turned around so he was leaning on Lily’s counter as they chatted. He stayed that way until the producers started yelling for everyone to get ready and he turned around. At some point Sirius had come into the room. Remus didn’t meet his gaze.

“Welcome back! This week on The Great British Bake Off… It’s pudding week!”

“For our signature challenge,” Sirius continued, “Our judges have asked that you make a bread and butter pudding.”

“Sounds simple right?.” James grinned. “The catch is, you have to make it with bread you bake yourself.”

“Your time starts now, ready?”

“Set.” 

“Bake!”

Remus looked away from the head of the tent as quickly as he could, ready to have an excuse to not look at Sirius. Especially Sirius in a leather jacket. He gathered his ingredients and set to work. Bread and butter pudding. That he could do.

Six days earlier...

“So,” Remus said as he swayed them back and forth. “Here we are.”

Sirius smiled. “Here we are.”

Remus bit his lip for a moment trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to say. So, you like my mouth? You wanted to talk? Do you think about me the same way I think about you?

Instead he blurted out; “What’s your favourite cake?”

Sirius blink then looked at him with this startled but pleased smile. Like he was surprised by the question, but also like he had known Remus’ words before Remus even spoke them.

“Lemon meringue pie.”

“That’s not a cake.”

“But it’s still my favourite.”

Remus pursed his lips to hide his smile. “That's… sweeter than you usually like.” 

Sirius’ small smile grew. “Correct as always. It’s less to do with taste and more to do with memories I guess.”

Remus tilted his head. “Yeah? What memories?”

Sirius laughed a little. “Inquisitive today aren’t we?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. His signature move. “Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?” He asked pointedly.

Sirius looked at him knowingly for a moment, but then shook his head minutely. “James’ mum used to make it every Sunday. She even taught me how, after I’d badger her to make more.”

Remus grinned. “She sounds great.”

“Sirius relaxed a bit, leaning back against the rope and tucking on foot under his knee. If Remus did it, he would have looked ridiculous and would most likely have fallen right off the swing and flat on his face on the ground. But when Sirius did it, the movement retained all the airs Sirius brought to the world, carefree, casual. elegant.

“So, how do you feel after this week?”

Remus groaned. “Can we not talk about Bake Off? I mean I love it and all but I need a break.”

Sirius chuckled. “That’s fair. I suppose I could use one too.”

“Yeah? What’re you gonna do?” Remus asked and it wasn’t until he said it that he realised it sounded almost flirty.

Surprise flickered in Sirius’ grey eyes and his gaze flickered from Remus’ own amber eyes to his lips. Remus tilted his head ever so slightly, tongue wetting his lips a little as his breath hitched and they were both leaning in, closer and closer until-

“-Remus.” Sirius said voice low, jaw clenching even as his eyes stayed trained on Remus’ lips. “We shouldn’t.”

Remus frowned, the spell breaking a little. “What? I don’t understand.”

“We work together.” Sirius said, sitting back once again and turning his head away. “It would be frowned upon.”

Remus looked at him in disbelief. “Who says anyone has to know?”

Sirius tugged on the tie in his hair and the dark waves tumbled down to his shoulders before he ran his fingers through it. “You’re looking strong for winning this thing. I don’t want anyone doubting your integrity.”

Remus shook his head in pure and utter confusion. “But Sirius, you’re not a judge. I don’t think it would even be possible for you to ruin my integrity.”

Sirius just shook his head silently. Throat tight, Remus stood up and took a few steps away. He looked back at Sirius and paused. 

“What about everything you said? Sirius, I know you were flirting with me. And just forty minutes ago you asked me to come here with you. What happened?”

“I remembered.” Sirius said hollowly.

“Remember what?”

But Sirius didn’t answer. Remus waited, but the other man just stood up and walked away. Remus sat back down for a moment and put his head in his hands. How did he get here? This morning he felt sure. Now he felt… well he didn’t know what he felt.

He hung back to give Sirius a head start so there would be no chance of them running into each other. Then Remus stood up and walked back to the hotel. Alone.

TODAY…

“Fucking fuck fuckeroo I’ve fucking burned my freaking bread. Fuck!” Remus said as he pulled the slightly overdone loaf from the oven.

“Hey Remus, want to try again, but like… viewer friendly this time?” Marlene called.

Remus flipped her off but then gave her a thumbs up and went again.

“Oh no! I’ve burned the bread!” He cried and Marlene rolled her eyes. 

“Remus Lupin I’m going to have you fired.”

“Love you too!” He said with a wink before turning back to figure out what the hell he was going to try to do.

“You’re awful.” Lily said to him as she took her own loaves out of the oven.

Remus shot her a wink too. “I know.”

In the end, Remus cut off all the crusts of his bread, knowing that it might slightly impede the structural integrity but at the same time… It was a pudding. They barely have any structure in the first place.

He whipped up his cream and added in some saffron, nutmeg and sugar then began making layers upon layers of bread and cream. He left out any raisins both because he hated them and he knew Dumbledore had a particular aversion to them and well he was willing to do anything to win a little bit of favour. He covered it all with another thick layer of cream, sprinkling the top with extra nutmeg and cinnamon.

He popped it into the oven and set his timer before asking Lily to keep an eye on his station for a moment just in case while he nipped off to the loo.

As soon as he stepped out of the tent they filmed in, he was hit with a wave of cool air and he breathed in gratefully - having several ovens in one space always led to quite a hot temperature in the tent. He splashed some water on his face in the bathroom and rolled back his shoulders. He didn’t know why he felt so… off. Okay he did, and that reason was the notorious Sirius Black, but Remus had decided from the very first day that he wouldn’t let anything get in the way of his baking. And here he was doing exactly that. He squared his shoulders and met his own eyes in the mirror. 

“Get a grip.” He told himself and went back to the tent.

Apparently his little pep talk had absolutely no effect, because after burning his bread, he topped off the baking experience by burning the pudding too. It was beginning to look like another stellar baking week for Remus.

“It’s a bit dark.” McGonagall commented as she dolled out a serving for both herself and Dumbledore.

‘Yeah no shit’ Remus wanted to say. Instead he just nodded his head.

“Even with the cream, the bread is a little dry.” Dumbledore said after taking a bite. Remus clenched his jaw, frustrated with himself. “And it’s a little bitter from being in the oven a nit too long. Overall, not your best work Mr Lupin.”

Remus sat down once more and found himself taking a shaky breath. That was definitely not how he wanted to start this week. He comforted himself by saying that he’d do much better in the other challenges. Nearly everybody else did quite well. The only person worse than Remus was Peter who had somehow, by laws unknown to Remus and possibly to science had managed to have quite a liquid consistency. 

Remus went to lunch a little put-out but chatting with everyone never failed to cheer him up almost instantly.

“They could have drank it with a straw!” Peter moaned, dropping his forehead onto the table. “I don’t even know how! The cream was whipped so well before it all went in the oven!”

“Hard luck mate.” James said, patting Peter on the shoulder as he slid into a seat next to Lily. Remus didn’t miss the way they leaned slightly towards each other. He wondered if their story would end better than his and Sirius’. Even Kingsley had joined them, making Sirius’ absence more stark.

“What’s Twitter up to this week?” Tonks asked, peering over Remus’ shoulder as he pulled the page up. 

“Um, let’s see,” Remus typed in the bake off tag and watched as all the posts rolled up. “They’re still weak for your hair Tonks,” He said and Tonks flicked her hair dramatically in response. “Oh my god there’s a twitter war.”

“Wait what?” Tonks asked, leaning in closer as everyone else gathered around. 

“From the picture of you and me this morning. There’s people shipping you and me versus people shipping me and Sirius.”

“Oh my god, that is comedy gold.” Peter said, oblivious. Remus didn’t know what Sirius had told James, but he suspected SOMETHING from the careful way James controlled his face. 

“I’m just gonna see where Sirius is.” James said as he stood up. “I don’t know what’s taking him so long.”

The pair didn’t return for lunch, the next everyone saw of them was when shooting recommenced. Remus had given himself a mental pep talk as he walked back to his station, consisting purely of ‘Come on Lupin, don’t fuck this up, you can do it’. 

“You ready?” Lily queried as the microphones were put into position.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, you?”

“About the same I’d say.”

“Okay and we’re recording in three, two and one.” Marlene said, pointing her finger towards James and Sirius to indicate that they were rolling.

“Our bakers just faced their signature challenge and while they might not have liked it, I must say, it was my bread and butter!” James opened and Remus covered his mouth with his hand because he refused to have the entire nation know he was even mildly amused by that terrible pun, but Remus really was a sucker for them.

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully. “Oh my god Jamie, that’s bad even for you.”

“I thought that was excellent, thank you very much.”

“I’m choosing to ignore you now.” Sirius bantered. “For our technical challenge, our judges would like you to make six individual sticky toffee puddings, judges, have you got anything to say?”

“Be mindful of your vanilla.” Dumbledore warned and Remus bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing at the ‘advice’. It was always so vague, they might not bother saying anything at all.

“Alright judges, out you go,” James said ushering the pair out the door.. Sirius faced the bakers and grinned.

“On your marks,”

“Get set,”

“Bake!”

Remus turned around to Lily. “Be mindful of your vanilla.” He said in a very serious turn. Lily threw the cloth covering her ingredients at him. All was well.

James swung by Remus’ station a little while later. “How’s it going?”

Remus was just finishing cutting out little circles of parchment paper to line the bottom of the little pots he would bake the puddings in. He had already liberally greased the edges with butter and he just needed to pop the parchment circles in.

“Alright, I haven’t actually done any baking yet.” Remus said laughing. James grabbed the leftover scrap of paper and attempted to make some kind of crown out of it. 

“Here ye, here ye!” Remus joked, noticing half the cameras in the room training on them. 

“I think I should be king of the bake off Remus, what do you think?”

Remus nodded along solemnly/ “Oh yes of course James, your baking skills are incredible.”

“I can bake!” James protested.

“Sure, sure,” Remus teased, beginning to measure ingredients. “But if you’re the king of bake off, who will make all the terrible puns.”

James covered his heart with his hand. “You wound me Remus, truly.”

Remus chucked a date at his head, but James just opened his mouth and caught it.”

Remus burst out laughing. “Okay that was good, you can be the king of bake off now.”

“Why thank you.” James said before heading off to chat to Lily next, still wearing his paper crown. 

Remus turned back to his baking and began mixing ingredients together. He was careful to split the vanilla pod and scrape the seeds into the mix. In the end he was pretty happy with his batter, and poured it carefully into his pots, being careful not to pass the three quarter mark as they would rise in the oven and he didn’t want to have them spill over the edge.

He popped them in the oven and began to start work on the toffee, measuring ingredients as he let the pot heat up. He tossed in the butter and sugar and stirred a little before making a cup of tea. He came back to his toffee-to-be a few minutes later to see he had left it unattended too long and it had all crystallised.

“Fuck!” He said, emptying the contents onto a plate and quickly starting again.

“Oof, they crystallised?” Lily asked, on her tiptoes peering over at Remus’ work.

“Yup. I have just enough time to go again though.”

This time, the devil himself wouldn’t be able to lure Remus away from his bot.

‘A watched pot never boils,’ He thought. “Yeah well a watched pot never burns either.” He muttered, aware that he would probably come across as mildly insane but fuck it.

“Are you talking to yourself?” A lovely lilting voice asked and Remus froze for a moment before continuing to stir.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Sirius asked

“Because I’m an excellent conversationalist.”

Remus knew Sirius would be smiling even if he couldn’t see him. He slowly added the cream into his pot, folding it all in nicely.

“Well I can’t refute that statement.” Sirius agreed and Remus almost wanted to tell him to fuck off because even now Sirius was so lovely and Remus wanted to turn and see his smile, except he knew it wouldn’t be the same. It would be purely for the camera and there would be no little sly glances or secret winks and that gorgeous sparkle in his eye would be gone.

Or was it ever even there in the first place?

Remus took the pot off the heat and let it sit for a moment as he took the puddings out of the oven. He set them all on a cooling rack and turned to start taking them out of the pots when he spotted six identical little parchment paper circles sitting on the counter.

“Oh fuck.” He whispered. He never actually put them in the pots. “Oh Christ. Oh for fucks sake.” He said running his fingers through his hair. 

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked, coming over to him and resting her hand on his shoulder.

“I never put the parchment paper in, they’re going to stick to the pot and be ruined.”

“You greased it though didn’t you? That’ll help a lot, there’s still hope yet.” She leaned in close again and whispered, “And if they go to hell you can bump into Peter when we’re putting them on the table and pretend he knocked them over again.”

Remus chuckled and gave her a quick hug. “Thank you, now go away because we don’t need yours ruined too.”

“They’re not ruined!” Lily yelled back at him and Remus smiled as he dug through his cutlery drawer to find the thinnest knife that he could. Biting his lip in concentration he carefully ran the knife along the inside of the pot to loosen the sides, then he flipped it over quickly and gently eased the pudding out. There was a little bit of the tip missing but - it could easily be covered with the toffee so all in all, Remus was actually quite happy. 

“One down, five to go!” He called to Lilly but also for the benighted of Marlene who was hovering nearby, cameras trained on what Remus was doing. 

The second one came out quite well two and Remus was beginning to feel a spark of hope when the third one completely split in half - the top still in the pot.

“Oh shittttttt.” Remus sang to himself, trying not to worry too much. He just kept going, he could assemble that one later. The following three had the exact same result. Marlene was hovering around him, capturing the tension. Remus looked up and stared right into the lens as if he were on The Office and said “I jinxed myself.”

He managed to coax the top halves out of their containers and gently put them back together again. He drizzled a liberal amount of toffee over the tops before having a moment of inspiration. He grabbed the abandoned crystallised toffee and used it to decorate the tops of the puddings before transferring them all to the rectangular plate he’d be presenting them on, adding a little bit of toffee to the plate to help regain any visual aestheticism. 

“Alright bakers!” Sirius called, “Your time is up. Please walk your cakes up to the table at the front of the tent.”

Lily walked up next to Remus and mimed ‘accidentally’ bumping into Peter and Remus snorted as he set his plate down behind his picture.

“You’re insane,” He whispered to her as they sat down on their stools.

“You love me though.” She quipped back and Remus grinned at her before the judges came out.

“Hello again bakers!” Dumbledore greeted. They chorused back a hello and then the judges set to work. The judges actually cringed when they bit into Peter’s dish and on the other side of Remus, Peter was quivering a little.

“Our tip to be mindful with the vanilla went unnoticed with this one it would seem.” McGonagall commented and Remus had to stop himself from looking at Peter to figure out what the hell he did.

“It would appear this person included their vanilla pod.” Dumbledore said, trying to hide his cringe. “For future reference, it’s the seeds inside the pod you eat, not the outside layer.”

Remus knew Peter’s face was bright red without even looking at him, but he didn’t glance to the side for fear of giving away who had actually made the cakes.

Remus’ were up next, McGonagall looking at them cynically. “The presentation is quite lacking I must admit.”

“Yes, they’re a bit messy,” Dumbledore agreed as he cut into one. They each took a bite, nodding solemnly for a moment. “They certainly taste good though.”

McGonagall nodded in agreement and just like that they had moved on to the next person’s work. Remus let out a deep sigh. It wasn’t how he had wanted it to go but… at least they had tasted good. He was still annoyed at himself for forgetting the parchment paper but he had to let it go now.

The  judges were quick to decide this week. With only five contestants left and a tangible need to make it to the semi finals next week, there was a buzz in the air, at least it felt that way to Remus.

Or, it did feel that way until he came second last in the technical and suddenly he was seriously beginning to fear that this time next week, he’d be at home.

Peter came last. Tonks won; Kingsley and Lily filling in the middle spots.

Remus headed back to the hotel, talking quietly to Lily but really just planning his strategy for tomorrow. Considering his recipe. Mentally changing the flavours, then switching them back. The order he would make everything. If he should just head straight to the practice tent and make it one more time. 

Lily wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned her head against him. Remus used to always look at people walking like this and think it must be so incredibly awkward, but this felt natural.

“It’s better to rest now then practice some more. You’re ready.” She said as if she could read his mind. Maybe after five weeks of being together every day, she could.

He smiled and placed a kiss to the top of her head, loving their friendship. “Thanks Lils.”

She peered up at him, those eyes vibrantly green, hidden slightly under her eyelashes. “Wanna make hot chocolate?”

Remus grinned as he put his arm over her shoulders and gave her a grateful squeeze. “That sounds like heaven.”

The next day began with the sunlight filtering slowly through the open windows as Remus got dressed. It was late enough in the year now that he woke up in darkness, but he always liked getting to watch the sun rise so it didn’t bother him. The air was crisp outside when he walked down with Lily and it felt like a new beginning.

“Let’s do this.” Lily said, holding out her fist as they entered the tent and Remus looked at her in mild amusement, but bumped his knuckles against hers lightly.

They set up their stations quietly, not having much to do, Remus just liked it organised slightly differently to the way the cleaning crew left it. Everyone seeped in quietly, the tension from yesterday lingering. 

Marlene announced their start and suddenly they were off, James and Sirius bantering away with a familiar chemistry rarely found between two presenters.

“Welcome back for the showstopper challenge!” James greeted, Sirius grinning at his side. “Today our judges have asked you to reimagine a dish as a trifle.”

Remus remembered the first time he had heard that and thought it was a little weird, but he liked it. Back then he had planned to have a ‘death by chocolate’ theme but he changed his recipe last week. Lily was making a carrot cake creation that looked amazing. Tonks was wowing with a baked Alaska inspired dish. Peter had embraced chocolate chip cookies and they were featuring heavily in his. Kingsley was doing something with a lot of apples but Remus didn’t know many of the specifics. Kingsley wasn’t secretive, but he wasn’t majorly talkative either.

“You know Sirius, I once fought with a man over his multi layered cake,” James was saying vibrantly.

“Is that so?”

“Indeed. However I soon learned he was not to be trifled with.”

The light went out of Sirius’ eyes. “You’re fired.” He said to James in a deadpan voice and the entire tent burst into giggles.

Sirius sighed and turned to everyone. “On your marks, get set, bake!”

“Hey! We’re supposed to say that together!”

“Yeah well I fired you so it’s mine now.”

Remus couldn’t stop himself from chuckling as he set to work. Was he unsure of what was happening between himself and Sirius? Yes. Did he still have feelings for the man? Undoubtedly. 

He immediately set to work making the meringues, those were gonna be hard to get done in time - they took two hours in the oven and then they had to cool down completely before Remus could do anything with them. He whipped the egg whites and sugar on high speed, until there were ‘stiff peaks’, the mixture was lovely and shiny and Remus felt like he was spooning marshmallow into his piping bag.

He made three circles of meringue, all the same size as his trifle dish along with a few little meringue kisses to decorate the top. He popped the trays into the preheated oven and set to work preparing everything else. He turned around to grab a tea towel and his elbow hit a glass bowl on the counter and it fell to the ground, shattering and leaving sparkling shards all over Remus’ station.

“Crap okay, can I get a brush over here please?”

A crew member helped him sweep it up as quickly as possible so he could get back to work. James sidled up to his counter as he started making a lemon curd, a suspicious grin on his face.

“I see you’re having a smashing time.”

Remus looked up from adding the grated lemon rind. “I thought you were fired.”

James just laughed and ruffled Remus’ hair in a way that if anyone else had done it, it would have annoyed Remus, but it was okay from James.

“I’ll let you get back to work.” And then he was off and Remus could once again focus. He looked down into his pot and nearly started to cry. It had curdled. 

He stepped away for a moment, covering his face with his hands as he took a deep breath. It would be okay, he had time to make more. It just seemed like ever since Sirius had walked away a week ago, nothing had gone quite right.

On Monday, the restaurant made a mistake and gave Remus normal pasta, resulting in him being very sick for a while. On Tuesday, a pair of shoes he had long since worn in gave him blisters. Wednesday had him spilling tea all over his special edition book. Thursday he ripped a hole in his favourite cardigan and Friday Sirius walked into a room, saw Remus and immediately left. Saturday had been the signature and technical challenge and now he was here.

He jolted when a hand gingerly reached out and touched his shoulder. Light as a feather at first, barely the brush of fingertips but then the palm of the hand pressed reassuringly into Remus’ skin.

“Re?” Sirius asked. Remus heart soared and shattered at the same time. How was that even possible? 

“I’m fine it’s just a lot today I think.”

“Do you want to step outside for a few?”

Remus shook his head as he turned to face Sirius. “No it’s okay, thanks. I don’t have enough time.”

Sirius’ eyes were conflicted for a moment but the next thing Remus knew, he was being pulled down into a tight hug.

“Sorry,” Sirius mumbled, “I should have asked first, it’s just you looked so upset and-”

“It’s okay.” Remus whispered, his mouth by Sirius’ ear.

He pulled away reluctantly, wanting to stay in the comfort of Sirius’ arms longer but very aware of all the cameras trained on them.

“Thanks,” He mumbled to Sirius, his face flushed. “I should get back to it.”

Sirius nodded and Remus went back to work, the presenter heading off to chat to someone else. Taking another breath, Remus began grating another lemon. It was time to start again.

Assembling the trifle was possibly Remus’ favourite showstopper to put together so far, just because of how simple it was. He placed a meringue disk at the bottom, followed by lemon curd, then repeated it twice, until his top layer was a bright yellow substance. He grinned looking inside the glass dish - he was really glad he chose to pipe the curd in, it made the lines much cleaner.

He placed the meringue kisses on top, then grated chocolate over everything and he finished just as James called time.

Remus watched the judges fall in love with Tonks’ amazing baked Alaska and beamed at the praise for his friend. Lily did very well too. Kingsley had a few problems but overall he seemed quite happy with his baking. Peter’s was only marginally better. And then it was Remus.

He walked up to the table at the front of the room, suddenly very aware of Sirius standing with James to the side of the judges.

“Remind us of what this is inspired by Mr Lupin?” Dumbledore asked as he and McGonagall took in the trifle.

“Lemon meringue.” Remus said, his chest tight.

Sirius’ looked up sharply, meeting his eyes. Remus nodded minutely.

They each took a helpful and took a moment considering the flavours.

“I’m impressed, Mr Lupin.” Dumbledore said. “I was worried the curd would be too wet and dissolve the meringue.”

McGonagall nodded. “Were you not worried that this might be a little simple for a showstopper?”

Remus shook his head. “A classic is a classic for a reason.”

McGonagall graced him with a very rare smile and for the first time this week, Remus felt like he had done something right.

They all sat on the stools a little while later, waiting and waiting and waiting while the judges took the longest time to decide yet this series. Remus knew it was down to Peter and himself. One of them was going home today. Remus just didn’t know who.

Peter had done a little worse than Remus yesterday, but had recovered a lot today. Remus knew he himself had also gained some ground, he just didn’t know if it was enough. He hoped it was. He feared it wasn’t.

James and Sirius emerged first, the judges next, none of their faces giving anything away.

“Today I have the pleasure of announcing star baker.” James said smiling, “For the second week in a row… Tonks!”

Remus grinned and kissed Tonks on the cheek as she was sitting right next to him. Both because he was proud of her but also to mess with Twitter a little bit.

“Sadly, I have the awful job of announcing who’s going home today.” Sirius said, nothing about him giving anything away. Remus’ heart pounded, he could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips. “This person has been a pleasure to work with and we’ll all be very sad to see them leave.”

Remus found breathing a little difficult. Would Sirius just hurry up and say it?

“Leaving us today will be… Peter.”

Down the line a little, Peter’s shoulders slumped and while Remus was disappointed for him, all he could feel was the adrenaline surge now that all the tension had melted away from his body. They all lingered in the tent for a while, congratulating Tonks and giving Peter their commiserations. 

McGonagall came up to Remus at one point and spoke to him quietly. “Not your best week Mr Lupin.”

Remus shook his head. “No.”

McGonagall met his eyes. “You have amazing potential. I’ve seen you do great things, I hope I get to see them again.” She said before slinking back into the crowd. Remus blinked. It was possibly the most reassuring thing he had ever heard about his baking. He wanted to write her words down so he could keep them forever.

He was staying a little while longer.

Remus went straight to his room when he got back to the hotel, skipping the usual gathering they had after finishing filming that week as he was just exhausted after his day. He threw his clothes over the back of a chair in his room to be put away tomorrow and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, a thick pair of socks on his feet. He turned off the over head light, flicking on his lamp instead and just about to crawl into bed with his book when he heard the faintest knock on his door.

He frowned, a little wondering who it could be. Lily? No, she would be downstairs talking to James. Not Tonks, her knock was loud and vibrant. Peter was packing-

Remus opened the door and there stood Sirius, who’d also changed into cosier clothes, looking almost lost in the depths of his massive jumper. For the first time since Remus had known him, Sirius looked unsure.

“Can I come in?” He asked softly. Remus bit his lip for a moment before nodding and stepping inside. 

Sirius gazed around his room for a moment, snorting at the clothes thrown haphazardly over the chair.

“You didn’t strike me as messy.” He mused.

Remus blushed. “I’m not, I'm just tired.”

Sirius turned around. “I can go?”

“No it’s alright.” Remus had a feeling that if Sirius didn’t say why he came here now, it would be forever forgotten.

Sirius looked at the ground, scuffing his socked toes on the carpet. “Have you ever read about people I date in the tabloids?”

Remus frowned and quickly ran what information about Sirius he knew through his mind. “No? At least, I don’t think so.”

Sirius smiled ruefully. “That’s because I haven’t dated anyone in a long time. Ever really.”

Remus felt his lips part slightly. “Ever?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I mean a little in school but I don’t know if it really counted.” He kept looking at the floor. “I mean, I have flings or whatever but I don’t date. At first I was too preoccupied with building a life away from my family. Then I was so busy, focusing on my career. Then,” His voice grew soft like he was a little embarrassed, “It had been so long I was afraid. I forget sometimes, when I’m with you. But then that day, I remembered.”

Remus didn’t have to ask what day. I remembered. Sirius had said it then too.

And it was so dumb of me but I was afraid of having you.” Sirius finally looked up at Remus. Grey met amber and all was right. “But then today I worried for a moment that I was going to lose you.”

Remus laughed a little wetly. “You make that sound like I nearly died or something.”

“Shut up I’m trying to be romantic!” Sirius protested, but his cheeks were flushed.

“Sorry.” Remus said, but he was smiling faintly. He reached out and brushed Sirius’ fingers with his and Sirius caught his hand and held it.

“But I realised I’m afraid of being with you, but I guess I’m going to have to get used to it, because I’m terrified of being without you.”

Remus swallowed, wetting his lips. “What… Are you.. Wait?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah.”

A little smile danced on Remus’ lips as he took a step closer and lowered his face down so he could nudge Sirius’ nose with his own. “I guess we can be a little scared together then.”

Sirius’ eyes lit up and Remus was about to kiss him but before he could move, Sirius had surged up and pressed his lips to Remus’.

Remus melted into it, wrapping one arm around Sirius’ waist, the other removing the hair tie from Sirius’ bun to be tossed somewhere that would probably never be found so he could finally tangle his fingers in the inky black strands like he had dreamed about doing so many times.

Sirius kisses were just like his personality. Confident, purposeful, Remus thought as Sirius nipped his bottom lip and Remus opened his mouth for him. Strong. At some point, Remus backed into the bed, his knees giving out so he sat on the edge while Sirius just straddled him, never even breaking away.  The pace was new and thrilling to Remus. A sweet caress of the tongue could lead quickly to a desperate clash of teeth and back again in just a moment. 

“You made lemon meringue.” Sirius murmured against hips lips. Remus grinned and nodded.

“It’s your favourite.”

Sirius pulled away first, his chest heaving and his lips red and swollen, shining from Remus; own saliva. That thought alone had Remus chasing his lips for another taste. Sirius smirked but kissed him sweetly for a minute before pulling away and resting his forehead on Remus’ shoulder. Remus could just see those eyes he loved so much peeking up at him from under his ridiculously long eyelashes.

“So you and me?” Sirius asked. “We’re dating? I didn’t make that up, right?”

Remus beamed and shook his head. “You didn’t make it up.”

“Is it too early to ask to be exclusive? I really have no idea how this works.” Sirius laughed, pressing his face into Remus’ chest. Remus bent so he could nip the curve of his ear gently.

“No,” He murmured, “Well I don’t know how it goes that well either. But it doesn’t feel too early, does it?”

Sirius shook his head before lifting it and coming back to Remus’ level again. “You’re mine.” He breathed, eyes sparkling. He pulled Remus’ bottom lip between his teeth and sucked on it gently. “I must be the luckiest person on the planet.”

Remus kissed him softly, pulling him against his chest. “I think that title is reserved for me.”

Sirius hit his shoulder playfully. “Sap.”

“Hey! You started it!”

Sirius giggled and kissed him again, tugging on Remus’ hair a little before pulling away. 

“I want you.” He whispered, “But I’m tired as hell. Wanna, I don’t know, cuddle and shit?”

Remus smirked, patting Sirius’ thigh lightly so they could climb under the covers. 

“Yeah,” He agreed as he pulled Sirius against his chest once more, tangling their legs together. “Let’s cuddle and shit.”

They fell asleep like that, a jumble of limbs tucked under the warm covers, fitting together like they had been made for each other. Remus had one of the best night’s sleep of his life, even missing the sun rising in the morning.

(But somehow, he didn’t mind).

[matchasprouts]

Listen Closer - Chapter 15

[ can't wait for Strahm to get pegged <3 we have so much more pining to get through first though ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

It took some doing, but the water box was done by the start of the next month. It was… rough figuring out how he was supposed to get Strahm into the box without needing to weld it back together on his head.

Eventually he just settled for a metal bottom that he would clip back together when it was on him. They were locked, so he couldn’t just undo them and escape. No, if he wanted to live, he would have to get hurt.

Once it was finished, he got the trap set up in one of the rooms of the packing plant, one that wasn’t currently in use. It took some doing to get it hanging and attach the pipes that would fill it with water, but he managed it with a little bit of help from Lawrence.

Next was the trap for one Ivan Landness- and, as excited as he was for it, it was going to be difficult. He couldn’t build it all together, and it had to be made with the bed it was going to be attached to in mind.

Luckily, Garrett loved a challenge.

The only problem was that he was now legally Mark’s specialist, meaning he had to be brought in for every Jigsaw case.

So that’s why he was, very unwillingly, standing over a crispy corpse.

This was one of Amanda’s traps, he remembered seeing her pack up the chains surrounding the body to bring to the room they were standing in. He’d been told that they had to burn the door open, meaning the player had no chance to escape whatsoever.

“Who do you think put this one together?” Strahm asked when he realized Garrett was there, gaining a soft, thoughtful hum from him.

“Looks like Amanda Young,” he replied, lightly kicking one of the scorched chains. “I heard the door was welded shut. He couldn’t have escaped it even if he won. He was always doomed to death.”

Was he lowkey calling Amanda out on her bullshit when she wasn’t around? Yes. He was still pissed about Kerry’s trap.

“How many of her traps have you seen?” Strahm seemed at least a little bit concerned that he could guess who it was almost immediately, but Garrett just shrugged.

He brought a hand up to his face to lightly scratch at his scar before responding. “Not many. This is a new development, to be honest. But any trap put together by Kramer is escapable, if not difficult.”

“There’s also the third unknown apprentice,” Strahm offered, and Garrett genuinely found it funny that he was talking about this mysterious third apprentice to one of the longest standing ones.

Garrett just hummed again, taking another look at the body, before looking up at the ceiling and finding more chains hanging from the ceiling.

He should probably make his sketch so he could get out of there. He found a comfy spot on the floor that gave him a good view of all the chains and got to work in his Official Work sketchbook, vaguely noting that people were staying out of his way whenever he looked up.

Man, being an actual specialist was pretty fucking cool.

“Okay, I’ve gotta head out, but give me a call if you need any clarification,” he said as he finished the sketch, ripping it out of the book and handing it over to Strahm. “Try not to find another- whoa, did this scar?” He had meant to run out of there, but he got distracted by Strahm’s hand when he reached up to grab the sketch,

Garrett immediately grabbed Strahm’s hand to check out the bite scar on it, grinning at the idea that one simple bite from one very feral man was enough to scar him.

Strahm fucking froze at the contact, and Garrett could feel his arm tense up where he was holding it. Of course, this just made him want to fuck with him.

So he put Strahm’s hand in his mouth, perfectly lined up his teeth with the scar, and gently bit down.

It wasn’t enough pressure to pierce the skin, but Garrett could feel Strahm shaking at the feeling. Garrett grinned, pulling back only to bite down on the agent’s exposed forearm, leaving him with another bleeding bite mark as he made his way out of the room, licking his lips clean of the blood.

At this point, the only way Strahm would escape his teeth is by arresting him.

Unfortunately he couldn’t go straight home. Part of being an official specialist meant that after he looked over every trap, he had to go down to the precinct to file his own report about it. Apparently that was the easiest way to ensure that no information was missed in the file.

Luckily, it was only the trap that he had to report on, nothing about the victim or anything that would lead them to Jigsaw. Just the trap. Thank god, because he straight up didn’t pay attention to crime scenes.

He did, however, have his own mini office now! It was small, but that was okay, because it had windows so he could watch everyone passing by. It was a simple and easy way to get to know people without actually talking to them.

Also having an office was fucking banger and anybody who didn’t like him before was now stuck with him.

Upon arriving at his little office (he had his own keycard to get into this part of the building now- a keycard! He was growing too powerful) he immediately tossed his bag onto the ground and started up his computer, as well as grabbing the blank form he had to fill out every time he looked at a trap.

Apparently, they liked to have a physical record as well as a digital one. This was very unfortunate for Garrett, because he hated doing the same thing twice, and he hated waiting for photos of the trap too.

To distract himself from how much he hated paperwork, he got to work on the paperwork. He started with the physical copy first, just because it would be easier to type it word for word and not worry about losing what he’d already written.

He was just about to start on the digital copy when there was a knock on his door. “You better have my photos,” Garrett said when he noticed who it was, and Strahm took that as his invitation to come in.

His arms were completely covered now, probably to hide the fresh mark Garrett left him with. That made him smirk a little, before sticking his hand out and making the grabby hand motion at him so he’d hand over the photos.

Once they were in his grasp, he immediately took out a sharpie and began to label the parts of the trap. He was allowed to do this solely because they made extra copies separate to the ones he used.

“How’s your arm doing?” Garrett asked, keeping his focus on his work but also incredibly aware that Strahm was just standing there. At the promise of conversation, Strahm finally sat down.

“Did you have to do that? Like, really?” Strahm replied, and Garrett could vaguely see him reach up to loosen his tie, even undoing a few of the buttons on his shirt.

“Yes, I did,” Garrett responded without a moment’s hesitation, flipping to the next photo he needed to label. “I’m not sorry for scarring you, by the way. I’d only known you for, like, an hour and it freaked me out.”

Strahm just hummed, a sort of non-verbal way of saying he understood. Garrett flipped to the next, and last, photo and finished up his labelling, moving back to the computer to finish the digital version of the report.

There was an awkward silence- well, awkward on Strahm’s end. He clearly had something he wanted to ask, but was seemingly afraid of doing. Garrett, on the other hand, was just vibing.

And finally, he asked his burning question. “Do you think Hoffman is Jigsaw?”

Holy SHIT.

Garrett almost choked and the suddenness, suddenly very grateful that Strahm couldn’t see him behind his monitor. Did he… really just ask… if he thought his boyfriend was Jigsaw…?

He wasn’t sure whether to tell him straight up that they were both Jigsaw, or fuck him on the spot for being a fucking idiot.

After a moment of deliberation, he decided he was going to give him another gay panic attack. “Why would I think that? I live with him, I think I would have noticed if he was running off to play Jigsaw.”

Strahm tensed up a little at that, apparently not having processed that Garrett and Mark weren’t just… hanging out when he showed up to check on him after he left the hospital.

“I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but there’s just- I don’t know how to describe it, it’s just how he acts with Jigsaw cases and how he’s one of the only members of the task force left-”

He was rambling now, giving Garrett ample time to get up from his desk, walk around it, and plant himself behind Strahm’s chair. When he placed his hands on the back of it, his knuckles brushing against the agent’s back, that was when he shut up, freezing suddenly.

Garrett took his chance, leaning down until he was right next to Strahm’s ear. “You shouldn’t worry yourself with that sort of thing, Special Agent,” he whispered, noticing a minute shiver from Strahm at the feeling of warm breath against his neck. “We know who Jigsaw is. And I would tell you if I suspected Detective Hoffman.”

His hands had moved to Strahm’s shoulders, one toying with the collar of his shirt and the other messing with the top most button.

Strahm was so easy to rile up. Garrett could tell he was trying not to make a sound.

“But… you’ll keep me updated on this theory of yours, yes?” he asked, and Strahm stiffly nodded. Garrett smiled, leaning close enough that his lips brushed against Strahm’s neck. “Good boy.”

He pressed a kiss to Strahm’s neck, trailing his tongue over the spot before biting down gently- still hard enough to leave a mark, but not enough to bleed-, and then pulling away and sitting back down at his desk. “Could you take this up to Mark for me?” he asked, holding the file out to Strahm, who was flushed down to his neck.

The agent stood up quickly, grabbed the file, and left without another word.

Yeah, Garrett could use this attraction. Besides, it made working with him so much more fun.

[hitsuackerman]

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt. 2

a/n: I AM GARBAGE FOR THIS MAN. HE IS VILE AND MERCILESS BUT IF HE ISNT CRAZY... HES A CLASSY AND WELL-SPOKEN BIRD BOY. ehem on with the second part ehem

warnings: cursing

Links: part 1, part 3

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

The night was now settled and you were locked in your room. Papers and folders all spread out on your desk and bed. If you were to venture into this case, you would have to know the details you had missed out on.

By now, your butt was aching and so did your back. Glancing at the other piles of folders, you counted how many cases you were working on at the same time. If there was one thing the chief loved to give you, it was more work than you could finish.

As of the moment, you were in charge of 9 other cases. Some related to large scale companies and others identity frauds. Though the cases were now generic for the 6 years you’d been working with the force, it was and will always be draining.

This mission with Overhaul felt like a breath of fresh air. The risks presented here were much higher compared to normal but you were more than prepared, at least you hoped you were. Truth be told, this wouldn’t be the first time you teamed up with a villain. That was your secret as to why you moved up so fast. Every now and then, you would propose a compromisation and in turn they would help you catch your target. You did, however, avoid this as much as possible.

Ruffling your hair, you gathered the mess and prepared for Gei’s arrival.

When he did arrive, the solemnity of your apartment faded. And you did not mind one bit.

“BABY GIRL!” He twirled his neon pink purse in the air as he entered himself into your apartment. His other hand carried the necessities for the night. “Okay. I got the food and the booze. I also bought my silk pajamas we use for occasions like this.”

“Mine are ready. Don’t worry.” You giggled at the sight of a toned man unloading the contents of the bag with a pinky up. “I also prepared the movies we could watch for tonight. AND, I already informed Nao to not call me for the rest of the night.”

“Okay, alright, mhmm. Imma go change into my silkies and you do you.” He said as he trotted towards the guest room. When the door closed, you began to prepare the dinner you had planned for the both of you.

Gei was never a picky eater but it was always a challenge to make sure he was well fed. Compared to you, his eating habits were much more constant. Healthier even since he usually counted his calories because he wanted to keep his waist ‘snatched’. He had told you beforehand that he was in the mood for some chicken. Luckily, you had the ingredients for grilled bruschetta chicken.

Prepping everything, you began to heat your tiny grill and sliced the tomatoes and garlic. The sound of the chopping eventually replaced with the speakers blasting Todrick Hall. Shaking your head with amusement, you went about with the preparations while your friend arranged the sofa.

Not long after, dinner was now ready and both of you were now seated at the dining table. Chatting about whatever came to your heads. A few gossips of heroes here and there but mostly about your work and his. Sip by sip, the wine bottle slowly emptied. Gei always knew the best wines out there. You would always praise him and he would merely pout his lips and wiggle his brows.

Stomachs full, Gei demanded he do the dishes while you wait for him at the sofa. It had been quite some time since you took the time off. Stretching your joints, you gathered your hair into a messy bun and dusted off imaginary dust on your silk pajamas. Taking some bowls from underneath the coffee table, you filled them up with chips and placed the wine inside the chiller. When everything seemed ready, you flopped back onto the sofa and turned the TV on.

A knock on your door caused you to jump a bit. Looking at the clock, it was now 9pm. Grabbing your phone, there were no messages or missed calls. You also didn’t recall ordering anything this week. Walking towards the door, you took a look at Gei who was finishing up the last of the plates.

Looking through the peephole, you let out a rather loud gasp.

“Oh fuck no.” You took a step backward and ran towards the kitchen. Grabbing Gei by his wrist, you pulled him out of his trance and dragged him to the living room. Practically throwing him to the sofa, he stared at you with wide eyes.

“Boo, I know your as virgin as the spinster next door but I am a gay man and I do not intend on taking you tonight.” He commented.

“He’s here.”

Another knock filled the room. It was still soft but a bit louder than before.

“Girl?! Did you call in Magic Mike?!” He began to bounce up and down while fanning himself.

“More like Germaphobe Gus.” You motioned for him to stay on the couch and remain quiet. Walking towards the door once more, you slowly opened it only to be met with the bird mask again. The green jacket and purple fur did not compliment his eyes. “What can I do, Overhaul? You could’ve dropped me a message you know.”

“I have something to discuss with you.” His eyes travelled behind you and back at you. “May I come in? Or do I have to usher myself?”

Stuttering a response, you grunted and moved to the side. The towering man slowly made his way in. Taking in the rather luxurious decorating your small hallway had to offer. Waiting for you to take the lead, you led him to the living room. When your eyes met with Gei, you signalled him to head on to the guest room.

Understanding what you meant, Gei took his wine glass and cat walked to his room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the tall man behind you. Making a gesture with his hand, he threw his imaginary wig and winked at you. He was no idiot, though. He knew who it was. For precautions, he left his door 3 inches open.

“That’s why you should’ve told me, Overhaul.” You gestured for him to sit down. When you saw his eye twitching at the spot you pointed to, you let out a sigh and reached for the fur patch behind you. Putting it on the spot, you watched as he stared at the tan material. “That has been newly laundered so I guarantee it’s clean. Now either you develop varicose veins or sit down. I could care less.”

He finally took a seat. This was a rare sight, you had to admit. Overhaul, a class-B villain, sitting on a fur rug while staring at a bottle of wine.

“So what do you have?”

“The boss of the Fukuo Kai will be attending a gala in 3 days time.”

“And you got that how?” You raised a brow and tilted your head.

“None of your business.” He leaned on the sofa and his eyes began to wander every inch your place had to offer. “I’ll have Mimic send the invitation when we get a hold of it. You will be informing your partner about this, right?”

“Yeah. I have to.” You nodded and eyed his bird mask again. “Do you always wear that thing?”

“It’s to block the horrid air the world has to offer.” He said in a deadpan voice. You wanted to laugh at his remark but it would probably lead to nothing good. Stifling a giggle, his eyes darted to yours. “Laugh if it pleases you. The world we live in is vile and sick. People have this so-called hero-syndrome to them that makes me want to puke. Tch. To think that quirks come from rats.”

“You do know that’s only a theory, right?” You did not mean to challenge him but he was interesting to talk to, admittedly.

“It’s a theory that disgusts me to the core.” He was about to say something but changed his mind. Instead, he decided to shift the focus to you. “You talk so casually with me. Aren’t you scared? I could send you to oblivion with a single flick of my finger.”

“I guess I’m immune to it?” You answered with a question. “I’ve been with the police force for 6 years now and I’ve had my fair share of villains. You know Kuraim? That dude who thought he could take over Nagoya with his little group?”

“He was annoying. He came into contact with the previous boss and asked for assistance. When he was declined he took out a few of our men.”

“Oh shit, that was your group! I totally forgot about that. But, yeah. He was a nutjob but my team managed to capture him a week after that.”

“Your name wasn’t featured in the news. It was another inspector’s. Why?” His fingers were not linked with each other and his back leaning on the plush throw pillow.

“I’m linked with the Abegawa Tenchu Kai. If my name gets released to the public, those nosy reporters would definitely put two and two together. I prefer to keep it low key though. Less media, the better.”

“I see.” He stood up and bowed. “I must get going. I have disturbed your evening.”

“IT’S FINE BABY BOY!” Gei shouted from the room. Face palming at his remark, you took Overhaul by the end of his jacket. Your index and thumb delicately tugging him towards your door.

His eyes widened when he saw you holding his clothes. But with how clean your apartment was, he brushed it off and let you do things your way. Though, he would have to burn this jacket or dispose of it one way or another. Not noticing you had turned around, his face still had that perplexed yet pissed off look to it.

Realizing that you were invading his personal space, you apologized and let go of the inch of fabric you had held on to.

“You’re surely going to throw that, aren’t you?” You teased. A small smirk forming in the corners of your mouth.

“I just might.” He retorted as he stared with disgust. A thought came to his mind. “Or not.”

Taking his jacket off, you stared at how his broad shoulders moved as he removed the article of clothing. The black dress shirt hugged his toned arms rather well. The pale gray tie around his neck matched his overall appearance pretty well. He had taste, save for the jacket. Unless that jacket had sentimental value so it would make sense why.

Your sight turned black for a second before you were face to face with him. The rather heavy jacket resting on your forearms.

‘Holy hell, his cologne smells divine.’ You cursed yourself for breathing in at the perfect time. Either the wine was hitting you but his scent reminded you of mayoram and geranium. Exotic and expensive.

“Keep it.” You swore he was smirking underneath that mask. “Either that or I overhaul it.”

“For an antisocial person, you sure know how to charm people…” You thought out loud.

“Not really. I’m just putting it to where it belongs.” He opened the door for himself. “The garbage.”

Your jaw dropped and before you could retaliate, he had closed the door. Locking your doors harshly, you went back towards the living room and were met with Gei. One leg resting on the other. The same glass of wine on his hand accompanied with a rather mischievous glint in his gray eyes. Taking a sip, he exaggerated ‘ahh’ after swallowing the beverage.

“You into villains now, booboo?” He teased as he pointed to the same spot Overhaul had sat down on. The way you flopped on the sofa and tossed the jacket on to the arm rest only made him even more curious. “You’re working with Overhaul?”

His tone was serious but you knew he was in full gossip mode. You didn’t mind telling Gei these things though. He knew how to protect himself and your dad also kept tabs on him to make sure he was safe.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about. The mission I’m currently partaking involves that guy you just saw.” You explained. Absentmindedly, you reached for the jacket and began feeling for any sort of recording chips or video cameras. Deeming it safe, you placed it beside you and began to twirl the purple fur. “I get why they're doing this but it just sucks that I have to meddle with the yakuza. It’s none of my business and it puts my job at risk.”

“What does Nao-nao say about all this?”

“He says I’m the only one fit for the job. I’ve caught up on the details they gathered and he makes a point, sadly. My only problem now is the person I have to work with. It’s a miracle in itself I keep my grounds with him.”

“What personality does he have?” He took a sip of his wine and leaned in closer.

“The records I have from a year ago state he’s an antisocial sociopath. I’ve never dealt with a lot of villains who had those. Most of them were just lost or goal driven to a bizarre or lost cause.”

“He was rather smooth when talking to you. He looks clean as well.” He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. “He’ll surely see you as a challenge, boo.”

“What do you mean?” You reached for your glass and poured it half full.

“If I recall, during your conversation, he asked you if you were intimidated. Scared. The answer you gave him surely bothered him. It would go against his personality if he were the least intrigued by you.” He pointed out.

Gei had a point. If you saw him as an enigma, he probably saw you as a pawn in his game. One way or another, he would surely make a move and try to manipulate you. Though you were aware of the signs of subtle manipulations, Overhaul had a different way of handling things. This meeting with Gei proved right. You needed to move with greater caution.

“BUT!” He snapped. “He looks like a full course meal, am I right? A five Michelin star meal served in only the finest china the world has to offer.”

Speechless at how he had described Overhaul, you shook your head and took a long sip.

“Don’t sip away from me, missy.” He stretched out his leg and poked you with his curled toes. “Don’t think I didn’t see you checkin’ him out. And I bet my plump ass that wasn’t the first time you eyed him…”

“You’re delusional.” You rolled your eyes.

“What does his jacket smell like? He probably wears some expensive ass shit that lasts 24 hours. Those that only have limited stocks to them or costs the rent of this whole unit.” He pushed you a bit with a little more force with his leg. “Don’t lie to me, dollface.”

Hissing at his remark, you slumped your shoulders and folded your legs. Grabbing the throw pillow and using it as a small table.

“Fine. He smells expensive. You’re right.” You broke down and the smug look on his face only told you to expand your answer. “And yes, I may have checked him out when I went to their headquarters to finalize the plan.”

“And what are you going to do with that jacket of his?” He stretched out his hand and you gave it to him. His mouth formed a small ‘o’ at the weight of it. Sniffing it, he let out a humming sound and placed it on his arm rest. Petting the fur as if it were some small animal. “He does smell like a hefty price tag.”

“I’ll probably just store it somewhere. I might need it in the future.”

“True. You will be extra careful now, won’t you?” He was now staring straight into you. Concern showing in his features. Extending a hand to you, you held on to it and he squeezed it. “Let’s say a silent prayer to our savior, Queen Todrick, to keep your virgin ass safe from the man whom we know as Overhaul. Amen~”

Giggling at his antics, you repeated his last words. The rest of the night was spent watching movies and munching on chips. When the time came where it was close to 4am, the lights were now off and both of you were in your respective rooms. The curtains to your window open. Faint hues of yellows, oranges, and reds, filled your room.

Your eyes landed on the top shelf of your closet, his jacket resting peacefully. The strong intoxicating scent still clung to you. Every breath you took, you could smell him on clothes and your shirt. Brushing the incoming fantasies away, you buried your face in your pillow and somehow managed to force yourself to sleep.

Waking up to the scent of bacon and eggs were heavenly. The small headache would surely disappear after a hearty and greasy breakfast early in the morning. Arranging your sheets, you fixed your hair and went to the kitchen.

“Good morning to you.” Gei greeted. His back facing you as he flipped the bacon. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah.” You yawned. “Better than most nights. Thanks for crashing, Gei.”

“Always a pleasure, booboo. I also prepped some egg sandwiches for Nao-nao. You are heading to the precinct right?” He glanced at you over his shoulder. A small smile forming on his lips when he saw your half awake half asleep state. The sun’s rays emphasizing the messy strands on your bed hair.

Another knock echoed through your unit. Groaning as to who it could be, you lazily stood up and walked towards the door. Gei peaking in the corner with a suspicion as to who it was. When you opened the door, you frowned and looked at both sides. There was no one.

A small voice cleared their throat. Looking down, you saw a tiny black creature wearing a bird mask. In his hands was an envelope. He kept his word and really did send an invite.

“The boss sent me out to hand this to you.” He tossed the invitation directly at your face. “Better count yourself lucky he’s following your terms.”

“Send him my thanks.”

“Whatever.” He answered as his small feet took him farther away from your door.

Back in your kitchen, Gei had now set the table and laid out the food. He was scrolling on his phone when you sat across from him. Your fingers busy with the square fancy envelope given to you.

“What’s that?” He asked as he put his phone down and began to place food on each of your plates.

“It’s the invitation to that gala he mentioned last night. He sent out one of his workers to hand over this thing.” Your eyes busy scanning over the program details. Taking a look at the envelope, there was a small card. Dropping it on your palm, you saw how it was an RSVP. Flipping it, a small message with neat penmanship told you to call when you would receive it.

Taking your phone from your pocket, you hit dial on the unknown number that had called you yesterday. Gei was all ears as he chewed on his food.

“I take it you received the invitation?” Overhaul immediately asked when he picked up. “I will let you decide as to who your plus one will be. Feel free to call when you’ve chosen.”

“You’re being awfully cooperative, Overhaul.” You commented.

“I lost at the game and I gave you my word. I trust that you will do your end of the bargain as well. If I recall, you stated that this benefits me more than it does to you. Opportunities like this are rare. Might as well take advantage of it while it’s for the taking.” He answered. “Dress appropriately, (Y/N).”

With that he ended the call. Tossing your phone to your couch, you returned the invitation inside the envelope and began eating.

“So…” Gei  nudged your leg from under the table. “Who will be your plus one?”

“I’ll have to talk about this with Tsukauchi first. I don’t fully trust him so we’ll be doing some check ups on the people invited to this gala. But, if it soothes you, I plan on using Overhaul. At least his quirk is useful in case something arises.”

“Yeah. Sure~”

----

if you want to be tagged in part 3 :) feel free to leave a comment :)

[illgiveyoumygavichal]

I don’t know why I wrote this, or why I wrote so much. Gomen.

So I just re-watched The Scene while I’m actually awake and coherent and I blasted the volume with my headset so I could hear every little thing and while it’s pretty clear they were filmed separately(?) from a writers point of view, the dialogue and reactions made sense --- not the ‘all gays go to super-hell’-bit... there’s no excusing that, but it was foreshadowed a long while ago (hence why I’m not 100% surprised that The Scene even happened since it was obvious that the character in questions’ ‘moment of true happiness’ would be a confession the moment the deal was made. I still think they’ll end on a ‘reset the universe back to point A to prevent point B’-type to just be like... well you already know the story so even if it’s ending, it’s not really ending but going on and on and on in a paradox because the whole show is convoluted what with the time-travel and parallel universes and other dimensions and shit. 

Not my point, I started rambling. Uh... Click the ‘read more’ for more? Gods, I can’t believe this is what spurred a real-ass post from me...

If anyone wants to discuss this, please do. But don’t be an ass about it please, I’m just here to have a discussion. 

Anyways, Jensen’s acting was flat. Like he wasn’t into the script at all. Like he totally believed that this went completely against the character he’s supposed to play - and he’s not really wrong, but you can see this a lot in movies and tv shows where the actors disagree with the writing and direction that it’s reflected in their performance. 

While this scene in particular seems like the actors were shot apart and chopped together, I think they were both very much in the know about the script. Misha gave it his all, you could hear him thanking the audience for watching his performance. His in-character confession was just as much his ‘thank you’ and it shows - but while his whole speech was likely one good take (probably after a long day, especially since every one working on this show had to work around covid-19 safety procedures) Jensen’s was probably multiple takes, with the good shots being chosen and patched together to make him seem a least a little like he isn’t completely refusing the script. 

As for the characters and the writing, it worked. Now I’m no expert in homosexual relationships but I’m very queer, as is my s/o, so I’m gonna try to not stick my foot in my mouth for this part. While homophobia is in no way acceptable, it’s understandable why Jensen isn’t into this particular pairing: The fandom shoved it down his throat, down the producers throats, until it was made canon. One thing that sucks the life out of creators is self-entitled fans. Yeah it’s nice to show your support and love of a content, but you shouldn’t be shoving your ideals for the content into the creators faces. It’s just uncouth.

Rambled again, sorry. 

Cas’ speech was wonderful. He clarified his love for Dean by leveling his love for everyone and everything first, and then showing how his love for Dean was stronger than those - but stronger because of them. This way, in describing the care and love he has, Cas can be sure Dean understands that his love for him is a different kind of love without worrying about Dean being confused about his meaning when he’s already gone. Sorry I’m trying to figure out how to word this. 

An example for clarification: A tells B they love them, but then they leave/die/whatever, and without clarification B might assume that it was a familial/platonic love - like saying you love your parent/sibling/friend. However, if A prefaced with a confirmation of familial love to B and then confessed their love for B, there is a better chance for understanding. 

And from the way we see Dean shut down after the Empty takes Cas and Billie, completely ignoring Sam’s calls (which, after what he just learned from Billie as well as knowing Sam is in pain from losing Eileen - and everyone - is abnormal) in addition to not really moving from where he was thrown and burying his face - while SOBBING - I think it’s safe to assume he understood Cas’ confession as something more than family. Like, we’ve seen them ‘lose’ Cas before and Dean wasn’t as broken up about it as he was this time. Sure he was angry, but he’s always angry - but this time he isn’t angry. 

Additionally, Dean didn’t outright reject Cas. He said “Don’t do this, Cas.” Which could easily be interpreted as ‘how fucking dare you confess to me when you’re about to die, thus immediately breaking my heart’ - which, if you’re really reaching for straws, could be a ‘wow, so my feelings would’ve been reciprocated if I actually had the balls to confess - not that it matters because apparently if I did confess you’d literally be so happy you would die.’ Ultimately, it’s a lose-lose-lose situation. 

To add on to Sam’s phone call, when we see him hang up after leaving the silo we could assume he first tried calling Cas and then called Dean meaning that since Cas was taken, Dean sat there disassociating and trying to figure out wtf just happened when Sam snapped him back to reality - thus interrupting his compartmentalizing and forcing him to feel, because Dean hates feelings. 

And yeah, the whole ‘Bury your Gays’ trope is shitty, but this is Supernatural: a horror-drama tv show where People Die and unfortunately, because most of the characters that die are side characters, the queers die mostly because they’re side characters and side characters are expendable. It fucking sucks, especially now that they are using LGBTQIA+ to boost their views at the END OF THE SERIES. Honestly, would be more acceptable to have it be a thing a few seasons ago, but they also have to work with the actors to even produce the show - and if the staring actor isn’t comfortable with certain themes, they can’t really force him without the show crashing and burning - which, in good old capitalism, a little homophobia to conserve their money-maker is normal. I don’t even know where I’m going with this. 

Luckily, this is Supernatural, and Supernatural doesn’t like leaving people dead - even at the end of the series. There are a few possible endings they could go with, but through speculation there could be more without noticing.

A) Chuck taunts the brothers, probably tortures them more just ‘cause, before simply ending everything.

B) Amara somehow takes over Chuck - or they properly combine and suddenly remember why they made everything. 

C) The boys give up and accept their fate.

D) The boys don’t give up and go out fighting. 

E) Somehow they negotiate with Chuck and exchange themselves for everyone else. 

F) Chuck hits the reset button, and this time he’ll make the boys more controllable. 

G) The boys kill Chuck, but in the sudden power imbalance, the universe eliminates all supernatural beings and just create a mundane world - whether the boys are part of the world or not is up in the air. 

H) Everyone is in the Empty now cause there’s no place left to exist but the Empty - since for some reason the Empty is more limbo than purgatory, but it makes sense. 

I) The Empty is piiiiiissssssssed that Chuck suddenly made everything stop existing and then eats Chuck because Chuck will be loud making new things - or because Chuck will be a threat to the Empty... or he just wont let the Empty sleep. God what even is the Empty?  Like, really, shouldn’t they be all-powerful - moreso than Chuck - since, without God there is nothing and without anything existing wouldn’t everything/nothing be Empty?

J) Empty eats Chuck 2020 - and the show ends just like that. 

K) Chuck, to prevent being eaten by the Empty, brings everything back to put some cushion between him and the Empty - or gets the boys to kill the Empty in exchange for their world back sans God. (Their own little playpen that they can do whatever they want with.) 

L) Dean kills Chuck with Death’s Scythe. 

M) Sam and Dean somehow kill Chuck and in the power imbalance, replace him. (I’ve had this theory - unspoken though - before where Dean becomes head honcho in Heaven or Hell and Sam takes the other spot, no luck on this one yet.) 

Either way, two episodes left to find out what the fuck is going on. 

Next episode will be dramatic and sad as Sam, Dean and Jack reconvene - probably with Sam and Jack stopping Dean from giving up. Also, Jack will probably get dusted too - I’m surprised he didn’t go at the end there. 

HONESTLY by the title of the episode, I think option K if more likely... but Chuck will probably be like... yeah here take it idgaf anymore. The road home will be very epilogue-y with flashbacks and shit to tie everything up and be all ‘They lived happily ever after.’ 

I don’t even know anymore... why can I write this much over a stupid show but not for like... a book or something. 

[fluorescentpipedream]

“About 11 years ago,” Mike starts as he scans the room “I attended my last Mensa party, I was pushing 18 and had enough of these kinds of things. It was the night some of you will get to experience tomorrow, the sort of ball where all us nerds get to dress up in nice clothes and pretend for a moment that we’re normal…”

He pauses, taking a drink of water and fixes the rather uncomfortable tie around his neck. He hated attending these gatherings, to him they were just a waste of time. But for some of these kids, they were the only chance to get out and realize they weren’t the only ones who were brilliant beyond measure.

As he looks around the room there’s an interesting cross section of people gathered in the auditorium. There are the ones he refers to as the Sheldon Coopers, the kids who are entirely too intelligent for their own good but not only are they that smart, they’re also holier than thou little pricks who believe that because they’re smarter, somehow they’re better than everyone. The parents of the Sheldons don’t help matters much and are often making it worse than their devil spawn has. Next were the kids who have the overly helicopter parents, the ones who judge everything their child does, and try to force them into molds of what the “gold standard” of geniuses are. These kids end up…well probably like the man he was about to start talking about. They were also the ones he noticed were early onset vegans and have very little amusement in their lives. The others were either the brilliant kids who had the terrible parents, which was his case, or they were…wait.

Are those kids playing Pokemon? He leaned forward slightly over the podium, looking at one of the pools of light on the auditorium floor where there was a small group, maybe eight or nine kids gathered together in a small circle with what looked like bags of chips or fruit slices, sharing like good kids and….yep. They were trading Pokemon cards in serious but hushed voices. Mike chuckled and looked back up at the room again, clearing his throat.

“I’m sure everyone in this room has heard of the tragedy of Dayton Foster.”

The gasp and whispers made him nod, somberly.

“I met him…Eleven years ago at the banquet, and I was with him when he suffered his seizure.”

Dayton wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes, with piercing brown eyes, his hair tousled and had an odd, rugged appeal to him. Mike had been enthralled during his speech, it was eloquent, despite the fact that man delivering it looked as though he’d just rolled out of bed, ran water through his hair and somehow managed to pull off a suit without looking like a complete disaster. Mike had approached him with a question, originally it was supposed to be about his theories on the Utopian like drift the United States was heading towards as he’d discussed but when Dayton had turned his attention to him, Mike forgot all that and had instead leaned into him and said he wondered what his kids tasted like. Dayton had stared at him for a moment with a quixotic expression on his face, almost like he hadn’t heard Mike.

There was only a moment of awkward silence before his response came, telling Mike to come to his hotel room at the Hyatt and he could find out. Considering the man had opened the door fresh out of the shower with a towel around his waist, Mike had assumed he hadn’t expected the boy to come, but he’d taken hold of the front of Mike’s shirt and pulled him into the room without a word, only a smirk. When Dayton had kissed him, he tasted of cloves and whiskey, and Mike had been putty in his strong hands. For a moment, his minds’ eye lingered on the taste on his lips, the stubble and the hair in the man’s eyes and he started to realize why he was drawn to Travis in the first place. Damn he wanted to call him…

“Foster, at the time, had an IQ of over 230, which is impressive, especially for the fact that he was also a known alcoholic.” And a lech. But he left that part out. “He and I met in this very room and we spoke at great length, he was a brilliant mind, getting ready to start work in Washington for the FBI as a criminal investigator and serial profiler, which at the time was a pretty big deal, especially since he had…” Mike looks down at his papers, skimming through them to find his place again. “Four degrees and spoke seven languages by the time he was 12. Despite several people warning a very young and naive me not to take too much of what he said to heart, I found myself drawn to him almost like a moth to the flame. It probably had something to do with his outward appearance, I mean…he was hot.”

He chuckled and heard a few others in the back do the same. Ah…so they did know who he was talking about. Good. Mike leaned back from the podium, taking a few steps to the side and turned on the headset, making sure it worked before he moved. His eyes fall again onto the kids who were sorting energy cards off to the side and he smiled. He always wanted to be one of those kids. While still looking at them, he started again. “During our conversation at the ball the next day, he issued an unusual warning that, at the time, I assumed was just him being a little loose lipped but following his seizure, I realized was actually very true. He told me to be careful the kind of things that I used to distract myself. Distractions can be key, he said. But it’s the vices you choose to use that will either be your saving graces or your worst nightmare.”

That conversation had taken place after they’d had sex, he’d been laying beside Dayton as he smoked. It had been Mike’s first time with anyone and at the time he wasn’t listening that closely for what he was being told. In fact, he’d been more interested in moving back under the blankets.

“For me, I wandered down the same road as Mr. Foster for several years, falling into the pitfalls of being exactly what he said I would. I am, like many in this room, smarter than your average bear and when you’re surrounded by everyone else, you sometimes feel like you would give -anything- to just be normal.”

Mike sighed softly and looked down at where his friend Ali was sitting in front row looking up at him with pride in her eyes. After they left this hell, they were going to England to meet her boyfriend’s parents for the first time and find out exactly what being with the Lord would entail. A little over a week ago he had been dancing in a cage in a gay bar in St. Louis, blown out of his mind on ecstasy and cocaine, anything to not deal with his breakup, revenge fucking his way through St. Louis and attempting to not exist for a while. He let out a sigh, realizing the Pokemon Trainers had tuned into the lecture as well.

“I’m going to come right out and say it. Normal is boring. And trying to be like everyone else isn’t worth anything in the world. You are all here because you aren’t normal, you’re geniuses in some way. You stand above the class because it’s how you are, and you know what? That’s okay. It’s taken me another 11 years to realize that what my mentor was trying to warn me about is inevitably something we all end up going through in some degree. Some of you will be up here in ten years thinking back on something that happened to you that changed your life, and some of you might not be with us again ever again. Either you will have realized that, as reassuring as it is for there to be a whole club of other people just like you, they can’t help you in the real world. Or…you may end up like Mr. Foster.” He took a moment to look at the wide-eyed kids in front of him. “And if that is the case, I want to extend my greatest sympathies to you now.”

Mike sighed. “My message actually isn’t for the young ears out there, but rather the people fueling your genius right now. Aside from being awarded with the MacArthur grant, and solving not one but two of the unsolvable math problems in my 28 years,” He had to pause for a moment as the room erupted in applause. Raising his voice an octave, he started again “I also work as a video director for Revolver Records.” And a gay porn director with his drag queen friends, but he left that out too. “I’m outspoken about my identity as a homosexual man and I don’t feel the need to hide behind anything in order to make everyone else more comfortable with my existence but that is because I’ve lived through my mistakes and my slips have luckily been caught by friends who are willing to keep my head above water. I wasn’t always that brave or that strong. I came from a family that wanted me to be smarter than everyone else but never really step out and stand up for myself. Something changed in me when I met Foster, because I began to see for myself that I have control over my own life. In that vein, my message, is to the parents and guardians.”

Mike’s parents weren’t there for him. They tried, endlessly to use him for their own means because he was smarter than everyone else in the room. The same had been true of Dayton Foster, he was in his 30’s when he suffered a seizure and fell to the ground, striking his head on the ground and the resulting brain damage caused him to lose a lot of what had made him the man everyone had respected. Mike had knelt beside him, helping him to roll on his side so he didn’t asphyxiate and had rhythmically run his hand along the man’s back, attempting to soothe him. He was scared that night and realized that while Dayton was wearing a wedding ring, he never actually spoke of his husband and aside from the boy he’d bedded the night before, he had no one with him. Mike shivered and brought himself back to his speech.

“Your children are different than the rest of the world. Some of them may be in college before they can even drive a car and while that’s okay, you need to remember they are still children and they still need you. I see the look of the parents out there who have already forgotten that they still have a child because of how ‘adult’ they seem. My parents weren’t there for me and for the longest time no one else was either. I found friends later in life that kept me from completely imploding but with everything I’ve told you about Mr. Foster, you can probably guess he didn’t have the same luck. He worked for everything he had but it all fell through his fingers as he drank himself to sleep most nights and spent his days trying to make himself not feel anything. Foster lost everything that made him the man he was known for and I don’t want to see that happen to any of you.”

Mike had been punctuating the words ‘any, of and you’ by pointing at the kids in the audience. “It is so easy to fall into the pitfalls of ‘I’m smarter than all of you and I know it so that makes me better than you’ but what you’re going to find when you get out in the real world is people…all those average people who have bullied you for being too smart, they’re going to look down on you -because- of your intelligence and you acting like you’re better than them now is only going to make it worse going forward. Mensa can help you, it looks great on your college admissions, especially when you’re 12 and going to college. But in the end, you must know how to function with the rest of society, and you need someone in your corner. You parents out there, you must be there for your kids. If you aren’t…” He let the words hang in the air in for a moment and could already see the phones coming on in the back and middle rows, the Karens ultimately mad that he called them out for their shitty parenting practices or the ones who were tweeting about how they do everything to make sure their child succeeds but when they leave here, they won’t go where the child wants, they’re going to make them go back to doing ‘smart people things’. He sighed, picking up a bottle of water from a stool near the back of the stage and took a drink. Turning back around again he made a motion for the house lights to come back on.

“I look around this room…And I see so many different types of people and I’m sure you’re all doing exactly what -you- think you should be doing for your kids. When was the last time one of your kids went for the bike ride with their friends? When was the last time they went to an amusement park or even Chuck E Cheese?” He looked down when he heard an ‘ooh!’ off to the side and smiled, seeing a little girl run over to her mom and excitedly motioned with her hands, probably asking about the same thing. And honestly the mom looked like she was thinking about it.

“Kids need to be kids. You can be brilliant and still be a kid. You can go play with your friends, have sugar or play sports for the fun of it. If you’re not able to find something to enjoy in your life, you may find yourself sitting in a window watching the world go by and wondering why you’re still a part of it.”

This wasn’t the lecture he had written and that had been approved when he’d been invited to speak, but for some reason he had been thinking about Foster for the last few days, unable to really get him out of his head, probably because he’d hit the ground a little too hard and realized he was headed in the same direction. That and he’d been thinking about Travis and the two were…a lot alike. When he and Ali had arrived at the banquet the day before he had seen a lot of kids being kept away from the sweets and the snacks, some of them looking the way he used to, bullied and uncomfortable and then there was the Trainers he’d noticed tonight. These were animated, chatting with adults and other kids, wanting to hang out and talking about going to the museums or go to one of the parks in Washington and spend the day playing. All these different personalities had caused him to change his tone a bit.

As he moved back over to the podium again, Mike picked up his papers and shuffled them a bit. He had notes about Dayton because he was just going to mention him as a cautionary tale and for a moment wondered if the man ever gets on Youtube, because this was inevitably going to be on there.

“You know, I realize, your programming card said I was going to talk about how I solved the world’s most complicated math problems and how focus and determination can win you the biggest prize but honestly…I figured out the first one because a mathematics professor in college was annoyed by an impetuous thirteen year old finishing his whole semester in a week and the other one because I was bored and wanted something to challenge myself with.” He chuckled softly before he started speaking again.

“I have another quote from Mr. Foster for you, and it’s one of my favorites from one of his books. “Boredom is a prerequisite for genius, and sometimes for so many other things. Try new things, you’re always going to be learning but sometimes it’s nice to detach your brain and just…Do something considered trivial. Fun should never be criminalized, especially for us smart people. We sometimes forget what it’s like to do something with no other intention but to do it.”

Mike bowed his head, thanking everyone for having him and stepped off the stage, bending down when he stepped on an abandoned Pokemon card. He put his foot over it for a moment as he was bombarded by several people coming up to talk to him. When they left him, he knelt and picked up the card, turning it over in his hands. It looked like a normal card on the back but turning it over it was holographic. Raising his voice, he noticed the Trainers were all gathering again around a taller boy named Isaac and the littler one he’d seen wanting to go to Chuck E Cheese.

“Who lost a Legendary Mew card?”

The little girl was the one who came up and asked for it and he smiled, handing it down to her. He had met her the day before while she was playing with a Nintendo DS and her mother seemed to be fielding off the glares of the other mothers here who thought those things were less than appropriate for smart children. Her brother, Dakota had been playing what seemed to be a never-ending game of tic-tac-toe with their father. He had inadvertently broken her heart when he’d expressed his surprise that she had good parents. 

Beatrice, which was a big name for a such a small girl, swished her little dress as she stood there, patiently waiting her turn to talk to him and rolled on the heels of her sneakers. While she waited for him to be done with the adults she turned to talk to Isaac, Mike only caught a couple of words, something about Pokemon Go, something about the Smithsonian and then something about a...soda stream? Whatever...She said said goodbye to her friend, hugging the older boy around the waist before turning back to him again. Once everyone was gone he knelt in front of her so he could watch her eyes. 

“So...how bad was I?”

She giggled and started to speak when a woman very rudely interrupted her. Mike held his hand up to silence the woman, telling her he had no intention of talking to her now that she had interrupted their conversation and widened his eyes, looking at Ali over Bea’s shoulder. 

“You did great! But...um...What happened to him?”

“Who?”

“Mr. Foster…what happened to him?”

“Oh…” Right. “When I looked him up last night Google said he’s living in a place called Monroe Manor in New Orleans.” It was a type of adult care facility. Mike had been on the website for a while looking at it, the idea was interesting. There was the main hospital building and then on the property there were duplexes where the patients that wanted to try living on their own could try. He paused for a moment before speaking again. Beatrice was probably five, he wasn’t sure about her internet time but decided to mention Dayton’s blog. It was depressing if you read into it too much but there was still something left of the man in there, you could tell by his very long posts. “He’s staying where people can help him, he’s been there for a couple of years, I think.” He watched her eyes widen and she seemed to be thinking about something very serious. Looking up at her mother, Mike smiled. “Um...Dayton has a blog on Tumblr, I don’t know if she could actually get on it, but it’s kind of interesting.” 

A quick Google search would also tell you that Dayton Foster had been in and out of jail several times over the last eleven years, from drunk and disorderly to public intoxication and spitting at a cop during an arrest for public urination and ‘lewd’ behavior, whatever that meant. When Mike had looked him up there was also a report about his attempted suicide a few years ago. Someone had found him sitting in Audubon Park with a gun in his mouth, apparently playing a very dangerous game of roulette.

“He’s doing better now.” The look in her big green eyes told him she didn’t believe him. Mike sighed as she looked at him square in the face and said exactly that. 

“We’r/e at a Mensa meeting, I’m very smart...just like you. So...how is he doing?”

Mike wondered for a moment how Dayton would react getting a picture from a little girl that said, ‘Get Well Soon’ but all he could really do was shrug. 

“He’s not exactly giving TedTalks, but I guess he’s doing okay...I haven’t actually spoken to him.” And now he felt bad about it. He sighed and looked at Bea, earnestly wondering how he was supposed to explain how he used this man to tell a cautionary tale but knew nothing about his health. 

“I don’t think he’d remember me, honestly. Uh...you’ve got my e-mail right? If you want to talk, I’m always around.” Plus they live relatively close...for now. Is it weird for him to be friends with a 5 year old? Probably...at least he’s gay. 

Another handful of people came up and started asking him questions about what he was doing now, how he’d solved the problems or what he had done with the money from both the problems and the grant and about 100 other things. Mike sighed and slumped against Ali once they’d all left him alone. None of them had actually paid a lot of attention to his speech, instead they focused on something minute or accused him of not knowing what he was talking about because he wasn’t a parent. His dry comeback with ‘no but I am a genius’ hadn’t gone over well. Looking at his friend he sighed.

“The only one that cared was 5....” He cursed. 

“Get me out of here…I think I’ve had enough of these kinds of people for a lifetime.” He’d depressed himself and aside from being hungry and ready to be anywhere other than here, he also now wanted to call Travis and tell him he missed him.

Dammit.

[leviathan-supersystem]

i feel like people need to get a better understanding of how certain reactionary memeplexes, particularly those relating to conspiracy theories, work.

okay, remember how westpal shut up real quick when i mentioned that his avatar was from the cover of Behold a Pale Horse? i suspect that’s because he has some level of self awareness, in spite of it all- here’s a brief summary of the book’s relevant segments, swiped from wikipedia:

In Behold a Pale Horse Cooper proposed that AIDS was the result of a conspiracy to decrease the populations of blacks, Hispanics, and homosexuals.[8] In 2000 South Africa's Minister of Health Manto Tshabalala-Msimang received criticism for distributing the chapter discussing this theory to senior South African government officials.[13]Nicoli Nattrass, a longtime critic of AIDS denialists, criticized Tshabalala-Msimang for lending legitimacy to Cooper's theories and disseminating them in Africa.[10]

UFOs, aliens and the Illuminati

Cooper caused a sensation in Ufology circles in 1988 when he claimed to have seen secret documents while in the Navy describing governmental dealings with extraterrestrials, a topic on which he expanded in Behold a Pale Horse.[6] (By one account he served as a "low level clerk" in the Navy, and as such would not have had the security clearance needed to access classified documents.[14])  UFOlogists later asserted that some of the material that Cooper claimed to have seen in Naval Intelligence documents was actually plagiarized verbatim from their research, including several items that the UFOlogists had fabricated as pranks.[15] Don Ecker of UFO Magazine ran a series of exposés on Cooper in 1990.[16]

Cooper linked the Illuminati with his beliefs that extraterrestrials were secretly involved with the United States government, but later retracted these claims. He accused Dwight D. Eisenhower of negotiating a treaty with extraterrestrials in 1954, then establishing an inner circle of Illuminati to manage relations with them and keep their presence a secret from the general public. Cooper believed that aliens "manipulated and/or ruled the human race through various secret societies, religions, magic, witchcraft, and the occult", and that even the Illuminati were unknowingly being manipulated by them.[6]

Cooper described the Illuminati as a secret international organization, controlled by the Bilderberg Group, that conspired with the Knights of Columbus, Masons, Skull and Bones, and other organizations. Its ultimate goal, he said, was the establishment of a New World Order. According to Cooper the Illuminati conspirators not only invented alien threats for their own gain, but actively conspired with extraterrestrials to take over the world.[6]  Cooper believed that James Forrestal's fatal fall from a window on the sixteenth floor of Bethesda Hospital was connected to the alleged secret committee Majestic 12, and that JASON advisory group scientists reported to an elite group of Trilateral Commission and Council on Foreign Relations executive committee members who were high-ranking members of the Illuminati.[2][3]

Cooper also claimed that the antisemitic conspiracy theory forgery The Protocols of the Elders of Zion was actually an Illuminati work, and instructed readers to substitute "Sion" for "Zion", "Illuminati" for "Jews",  and "cattle" for "Goyim".[3][17][18]

okay so you get the gist here. the usual dumb shit you see in the right-wing conspiracy theory zone.

now, to be clear, i’m not dismissing the idea that people, and the ruling class in particular, might, at times, conspire- indeed, i’m about to go out on a limb here and suggest there may in fact be something to the notion that AIDS was deliberately manufactured, or at least that the government was guilty of severe purposeful neglect.

this is not synonymous with believing in illuminati or UFO crap without evidence- though the purpose of this book, i suspect, is to try to tie those two things indelibly together in people’s minds. not to mention the obvious barely disguised buildup to antisemitism at the end there.

the purpose is twofold- the first to discredit any investigation into there being more of a story behind AIDS, the second to try to lure left-wing leaning people toward right-wing extremism, the mechanism being obvious- first, they’re lured in by wanting to know more about the possibility that AIDS was deliberately engineered to target black and gay communities, something which obviously would have more appeal to those on the left. once lured in, it hits them with the alien bullshit, as well as the inherently reactionary illuminati nonsense, then tops that off by presenting literally the entire text of the protocols of the elders of fucking zion to really start bringing them into the reactionary worldview- but, knowing that the person reading is likely from a left-wing background, an extremely weak effort is made to disguise the antisemitism- “oh, it wasn’t about jewish people, oh no, it was about uhhhhhhhhhhh illuminati” and then if they swallow that, it’s only a short hop from there to “nevermind, it was about jewish people after all.” it’s a tactic used to gradually acclimate people to antisemitism. manipulative “milk before meat” tactics.

you can see the results of this play out in action with Tila Tequila- obviously she didn’t pop out of the womb seig heiling, and there was quite a bit of buildup in the form of new-agey anti-illuminati conspiracy theorism before she became a full-fledged genocidal neonazi.

and the thing is, if there had been an intervention at the right time, she could have been saved from that, before becoming completely conditioned into an ideology which is immensely harmful to so many people.

so, if possible, it’s good to try to ascertain how deep in someone is- have they been completely re-conditioned into a hardline reactionary? or is there still time to help them see what’s happening to them, and stop it?

for example here: [link] this person is clearly deeply in the clutches of reactionary psychological warfare, but it seemed to me like there might still be some hope for them, so i tried to intervene to help them get a better understanding of the nature of the ruling class and so forth.

but, if you’re going to intervene in this way, you need to do some background research first- just going in there and shouting “illuminati fake!” won’t cut it, especially because there was, in fact, an actual historical group called the illuminati, and to effectively grapple with this kind of thing, you’re going to need to have an understanding of what that group’s history was, and how they became such a boogeyman in the reactionary narrative in the first place. to explore this, let’s look at what Behold A Pale Horse has to say about it- which, interestingly, is shockingly little- the name “Weishaupt” (the founder of the actual irl illuminati) appears only 10 times in the whole text:

Adam  Weishaupt,  a  young  professor  of  canon  law  at  Ingolstadt  University  in  Germany,  was  a  Jesuit  priest  and  an  initiate  of  the  Illuminati.  The  branch  of  the  Order  he  founded  in  Germany  in  1776  was  the  same  Illuminati  previously  discussed.

the “branch” in question is actually just. the illuminati. it wasn’t a “branch” of a larger pre-existing movement, as Milton here is claiming, and indeed, he never provides any meaningful evidence of any pre-existing illuminati before weischaupt’s group. in fact, he points to the lack of evidence prior to then as proof of how strong their oath of silence was. of course he does.

Weishaupt  advocated  "abolition  of  all  ordered  national  governments,  abolition  of  inheritance,  abolition  of  private  property,  abolition  of  patriotism,  abolition  of  the  individual  home  and  family  life  as  the  cell  from  which  all  civilizations  have  stemmed,  and  abolition  of  all  religions  established  and  existing  so  that  the  Luciferian  ideology  of  totali-  tarianism may be imposed on mankind."

In  the  same  year  that  he  founded  the  Illuminati  he  published  Wealth  of  Nations,  the  book  that  provided  the  ideological  foundation  for  capitalism  and  for  the  Industrial  Revolution.  It  is  no  accident  that  the  Declaration  of  Independence  was  written  in  the  same  year.  On  the  obverse  of  the  Great  Seal  of  the  United  States  the  wise  will  recognize  the  all-seeing  eye  and  other  signs of the Brotherhood of the Snake 

this is interesting here because there’s a strange tension between the anti-communism of contemporary reactionism, and the anti-liberalism and anti-republicanism of the earlier reactionary movements, which anti-illuminati ideology is an echo of.

the first anti-illuminati conspiracy theorists was the reactionary monarchist priest Agustin Barruel, and all anti-illuminism traces back particularly to his book Memoirs Illustrating the History of Jacobinism. inerestingly, he did not at any point in this book accuse them of ruling the world, or wanting to establish “totalitarian” rule! quite the opposite in fact- the illuminati and other enlightenment movements of the time were accused of  "conspiracy of impiety" against God and Christianity, the "conspiracy of rebellion" against kings and monarchs, and "the conspiracy of anarchy" against society in general. if you understand anything about Augustin Barruel’s politics, you’ll understand that Augustin was if anything, profoundly in favor of “totalitarianism”, particularly that of the king and the church. he wrote angry screeds against the illuminati precisely because they were anti-totalitarian, and espoused democratic values.

but over time, this reactionary social current had to change with the times. thus the strange tension between accusing weishaupt of both wanting to abolish private property and being behind the publication of Wealth of Nations.

for the record, no, i can’t find any evidence that weishaupt published Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations- but that accusation is nonetheless much more in the spirit of Augustin Barruel’s original accusations that the illuminati were behind the spread of enlightenment values, while the accusation he was against private property sits as an obvious later attempt to incongruously graft anti-communist reactionary talking points onto  framework which originated in a reactionary anti-republican pro-monarchist context.

its interesting to see how a rectionary memeplex which was, in it’s origins, overtly pro-ruling class, and overtly anti-populist- as anti-illuminism was in it’s origins in the work of Augustin Barruel- over time get dressed up more and more with the character of a kind of artificial class-consciousness, where a short-lived progressive discussion group has been mythologized into this sort of decoy mirage stand-in for the ruling class, to divert people from developing any real understanding of the actual capitalist ruling class.

at any rate, it’s important to understand the origin an nature of this reactionary social current if you want to effectively help people who are caught up in it- to show them this history so they can see how, in their attempt to oppose the ruling class, they’ve been suckered into a reactionary ideology which is, in both it’s historical origins and contemporary functions, engineered to uphold the ruling class. 

[plow-and-propose]

Some After The Revolution thoughts, because i want to sleep but need to ramble first (huge spoiler warning)

Yet again i am left wandering around asking the universe ‘where the fuck is the rest of it’

Sooo many unanswered questions still, in fact probably more questions now

But this is what keeps us coming back so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ well played

I really enjoyed it though. As much as I’ve been left frustrated at least the stories ended positively for the most part. there are some things I don’t really get tho

Like, Touga’s whole 'separating the art from the artist’ thing when effectively supporting a known child abuser. which is a post in of itself that I will not make, but what really struck me is that I would’ve thought Touga would be the last person to do something like that? He was abused in both versions of Adolescence Apocalypse. He was abused by Akio in Chiho Saito’s original manga. Was this supposed to show that he’s distanced himself from his past so much that he no longer cares? Is this dramatic irony? Is he in denial? is he just fucked up?

“wow Saionji you’ve actually scored one point on Touga” i said out loud as he tried to call Touga out on his bullshit.

Anyway that sword fight accomplished NOTHING in that regard. Unless i missed the significance? I’ll give it a reread at some point

also Touga in there stepping on Saionji’s toes again. I get that he’s Saito’s fave but he’s had like, three backstories. I want to know what made SAIONJI such a raging dumpster fire

also I guess they’re friends again now? that’s good?

the first one probably made the least sense

the whole thing with paintings was a nice movie tie-in tho

that fucking car appeared so i guess it’s a ghost too now huh

I like how that story effectively freed Anthy for good tho. I think that in finding the painting, Utena was able to banish what was effectively the last bit of control Akio had over Anthy. She also stabbed him again, which was great.

moving on

JURY IS GAY AGAIN PRAISE FUCKING BE

I guess shiori and ruka have completely different stories tho?? there’s no way these scan with. basically any canon so. eh?

anyway I liked it. and I like that Juri enjoys fencing just in of itself. the idea that she was doing it to impress someone or prove something always rubbed me the wrong way.

I also like Miki’s and Kozue’s story! I feel like the lack of resolution really works for this one - their feelings cannot be sorted out in a single story, but it ends on a positive 'note’ (HAHAHA) so to speak. I feel that finally, finally, they can get their shit together. it’ll take a long time, but maybe they can work something out - i feel like they’ve always been the least resolved in every ‘verse

moving on

Wtf the fuck was the disaster that hurt all these children at once?

if you ask me, that’s actually Utena’s backstory. She awoke in the hospital all alone, wandered around and realised her parents were dead, then found the coffin, etc in the attached church. The others had all been in hospital at some point as children, but their memories merged with their 'dreams’ in order to lead them to Utena.

I suppose they could have all experienced the same tragic event, but honestly I prefer the idea that they’re all completely unrelated to each other, that they’ve been flung together by coincidence rather than destiny

Anyway on to Utena herself

I LIKE that she’s effectively become Dios now. It feels like the best outcome tbh, after being impaled by swords in one timeline and vanishing in another. I imagine she lives in the castle with Anthy now. I am satisfied. Partly.

i do feel as if it goes against the whole ‘leaving for the real world’ aspect, tho?

but hey they’ve escaped Ohtori, so that’s something

I like the blend of visual metaphors and legit fantasy in this incarnation

I guess this series could also support the theory that every story in the 'Utena Verse’ is a sort of reincarnation? of the characters and plot? since this ties together so many. essentially the theory is that a 'revolution’ in this case means 'a full cycle’. When one story ends, another begins, slightly different but along the same lines.

anyway, the cycles have finally ended. the 'revolutions’ have stopped. now they characters can finally move on with their lives

imo Utena didn’t meet Anthy and free her 3 times in succession, i think she probably went straight from one dream to another until she got to Miki’s. I think she couldn’t find Anthy without also helping out the others (she is a Prince, after all). Or maybe she just didn’t want to leave them. either way, she used her princely magic.

also holy fuck. the final scene. Utena saving Anthy at last. Them being children symbolising a fresh start and all that good shit. The hand reaching. the roses. at last, they shine together. i want that last page enshrined

where the fuck is wakaba?

[lnhumanity]

ooooh last day!

looking forwards to season 6

ah man theres so much im looking forwards to! i know the crew said that they expected s5 to be the last one & tried to tie everything up, but personally i feel like there’s so much they left open to be explored, so im just going to bullet point through a few things that im looking forwards to/hoping for

mack as director. mack wanted to retire at the beginning of s5- and understandably so, taking into account all of the trauma he faced in the framework. it’ll be interesting to see how he copes as director taking this into account

mack’s further development in general. like damn i love mack, but i wonder how he’ll cope with having to make the tough calls you have to make as director. mack’s just such a genuinely kind guy & out of all of the cast, he’s the one i’d point to as the least morally grey. i’m really interested to see if that changes, and if it doesn’t, i’m really interested to see what shield with someone like mack as director looks like

yo-yo’s development, including her relationship with mack. we know that [redacted wondercon spoilers] so im really looking forwards to seeing how that goes! i can’t say i have total faith in aos to pull it off in a way i’ll like, but either way i’m excited to see where they go with it!

daisy’s hair and new outfit. SHE JUST LOOKS COOL OK?

enoch! like a day after i finished s5 i suddenly realised that a version of enoch is still out there and ever since then i’ve been so excited to see more of him! i loved what we got to see of him in s5, and i’m so excited to see what they do with him in s6! i’m especially hoping that we’ll get more info on chronicom in general

seeing how deke’s adjusting to life in the past. god. i love that disaster man. i can’t wait to see how he gets on with fitz, also! i really hope there’ll be some gag about how he ‘got on so well with the other fitz’ or something

i wouldnt say im looking forwards to this exactly, but may’s reaction to coulson’s death. damn, that’s gonna be interesting to watch, even if it’s going to be painful as fuck. i’m looking forwards to seeing how she supports mack through it too, and hope to get a lot of screentime with the two! i feel like that could be an interesting dynamic

seeing daisy healthily cope with loss & grief. recovery arcs are so important to me, and i get the feeling we might actually see one with daisy this season. i’m really, really looking forwards to seeing where they go with her, i love daisy so much...

more screen time for davis & piper! when i realised theyd be getting more of a spotlight this season i was so happy & excited!! also please dear god marvel let piper be gay this is all i want. give us one canon wlw in aos Please

the new characters! namely sarge & his squad! actually seeing the new villains motivations in general is going to be interesting!

seeing fitz’s psychosis explored. i don’t have high hopes, because in general it’s hard to get me to trust media w this kind of mental health rep, but either way i’m interested to see how they explore it, and hey, if i don’t like what they do then i’m sure there’ll at least be groundwork for some satisfying fanfic!

bobbi & hunter? listen it’s never going to happen but i can dream

i want to see if they take anything from the winter soldier run that daisy was in! i might actually re-read it before the season drops, just in case. it seems like it’d be a decent place to nick stuff from considering the space theme

literally everything about simmons. every single thing i’ve heard about her in the next season is interesting to me holy shit. especially some theories ive seen floating around about 6x6 like hooooo boy if those have any truth to them im gonna go apeshit

more aliens! more space shit! i love the cosmic side of the mcu!

[kyluxtrashpit]

Hello naughty children, it’s 1 am rant time

So! My brain is slightly more together now than after the trailer first dropped and I’ve had some time to process all my Feels. I’ve settled on cautiously hopeful, with a hint of apprehension and a strong dose of ‘oh my god, this is really the end’. But overall, I think I feel pretty good about it, though it really raises more questions than answers. They meant it when they said ‘teaser’ lmao

(Rant is mostly positive, includes explicit discussion of what we’ve learned from the panel and the trailer. Some reservations and negative thoughts, plus a lot of speculation and touching on such controversial subjects as Reysky, Kylo redemption, and Hux in TLJ. Cut for length because I have no idea how to just use fewer words lmao)

I especially liked that it was so focused on Rey and that it’s a very clear torch-passing. Which, tbh, probably should’ve happened before now and did a little bit, but this really felt like the true moment of it. She’s the hero. She’s going to be a legend. I love that. Also that flip? Holy fuck. Slammed in the face by the reminder of how gay I am lmao. I have some Thoughts about it I’ll get into below, but from a visual point of view, it’s RAD AS HELL. I also love Finn and Poe featuring heavily and that the trio really does seem to be together for most of the movie. Which is nice. I think we need that. JJ said something in the panel about it being an ‘adventure’ and I think that feeling was captured well in the trailer. That part really excites me

Also! My boy! Kylo’s looking like a right hot mess and tbh I’m here for it lmao. I still have a strong urge to bathe him and kinda hope he doesn’t look like a depressed wreck of a human being for the entire movie, but still. I love my big messy boy. Also him just yeeting that dude into the ground? DAMN. I sometimes forget that Kylo is like… b i g. It’s a nice reminder. I also LOVE that the broken helmet rumour was real. That’s my fucking boy. I frequently tag him as ‘my precious disaster boy’ for a reason and I’m glad to see more of that. I would honestly probably lose interest in Kylo completely if he was ever like, calm and composed and not a complete fucking mess lmao. I kind of wish we’d seen just a touch more of him, but I know there’s more info to come and I still like that it focused heavily on the heroes for the first one. I imagine we’ll see more of him later

I’m… not really sure what to think of the Palpatine reveal. If he’s going to show up as a cameo of some sort, say as a Force ghost or something, then that’s pretty dang cool. If he’s going to show up as a ‘hello naughty children, it’s Force lightning time’ and take over as the main threat, I’d admittedly be disappointed. As much as I think a Kylo redemption is likely (and whether people like that or not, I’m indifferent and have made my peace with it as long as it’s done in an okay way) in no small part because Disney likes money, I still feel like replacing him with Palpatine is just… it feels derivative. We’ve had Palpatine before. A lot. 6 movies of him plus his appearances in the side materials. Do we really need more?

Now, there’s been heavy suggestion that there is some unknown threat that comes into this one and if that’s Palpatine, it would match up with the rumours. But I’d much rather it be something from his legacy with him only having a cameo. Because the really terrifying part about Palpatine is he had a plan for the continued survival of the Empire even in the case of his death. The Aftermath novels are really well done that way and tbh, especially with Chuck Wendig’s hinting on twitter, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see something from there come up. I mean, technically the entire First Order is Palpatine’s legacy. Something from his legacy could truly be anything and I like that possibility a lot more than just ‘oh damn, time to kill this asshole again’. Idk. We’ll have to see how that plays out

The title is also curious because it really confirms one of 2 possibilities: either Reysky, Kylo redemption, or both. Which, again, both of those are huge spoilers, so it’s an interesting choice to play for a title. That said, we don’t know which, so it doesn’t tell us definitively, I suppose, but still. And no, I don’t buy the theories about it referring to Luke or Anakin somehow returning; that would be stupid. We have new characters for a reason and they need to be the central focus. This is the same reason I’m not fond of Palpatine being the big bad; let the new villains shine. I also don’t believe it’s Leia because I doubt they had enough left over footage of Carrie to make that work

Of course, I would’ve enjoyed having a nice 0.2 seconds of the back of Hux’s head lmao, or even any info on the dark side characters at all because I’m a filthy villain fucker, but I’m not super upset about it. I’m kinda sad that Phasma is confirmed as dead, but I also expected that. My biggest hope for Hux is really that he gets to be scary and not treated as a joke, so I hope JJ really leans in to that. Let him have his moment. Let him be a credible threat because, really, he is. Tbh, I’d be more afraid of him as my nemesis than the vast majority of Star Wars villains. He’s got a higher kill count than anyone in all of Star Wars except maybe Palpatine himself (exact number of deaths due to the Clone Wars, the Empire’s rule, and the rebellion combined are unknown, but are probably in the billions, which would put him and Hux, terrifyingly, on the same level). It still throws me for a loop how often that’s forgotten, both by fandom and, sometimes, the official material. Hux is what happens when ambition, intelligence, ruthlessness, and fervent belief in a cause converge. I know he’s going to fail and he’s going to die in this one but, fuck, please let him die as the Starkiller instead of a ‘miscast tinkerer’. He deserves that much and, more importantly, so do I lmao. And Domhnall does too, tbh, because he’s a great actor who deserves better than being sidelined completely

(Another reason not to like Palpatine coming back: basically guarantees Hux has no role and gets completely forgotten because there’s a new big bad in town. I might actually cry if that happens)

I also know we will get more on the villains later, so we’ll just have to see how that pans out. As for other new stuff, Naomi Ackie’s character looks rad as fuck and I love her already. I’m also ECSTATIC to see Lando back. I fucking love Lando. And he finally got the Falcon back! Tbh I hope his role is rather significant and it’s kinda in line with Han’s role in TFA. I’m excited by that possibility. Also the Leia scenes… fuck. That hug with Rey fucked me up hard. I can’t believe we’re doing this without Carrie and it breaks my heart tbh

Another curious note: so we see a tie fighter that looks like a modified Silencer flying at Rey. We also see Kylo in a cockpit that definitely does not match the Silencer’s from TLJ. So it’s possible that was not actually Kylo flying at her, which raises some interesting questions. I saw some people saying they could see Poe’s jacket in the window but I think they’re full of shit and just seeing something they want to lmao. It remains to be seen who is actually flying it. The context of that scene is also odd: in what fucking universe does it make sense to use a SPACE craft with GUNS capable of atmospheric flight to run someone ON FOOT over from like 3 feet off the ground? It doesn’t. That’s stupid. That does make me think it’s possible it’s some sort of really risky training exercise, no matter who is behind the controls. I suppose it is possible that perhaps the guns were disabled somehow and the pilot is just going for broke, but the ship looks undamaged and that strategy still doesn’t make a lot of sense. The correct thing to do would be to come from above and crash it into the person while ejecting moments before impact, not chasing them like you’re driving a car. It’s dumb. I really hope that’s not real combat because it makes no damn sense to me lmao. Another reason lending to the training exercise idea: if I were Rey, I would’ve gone below, not above. She’s small. A tie fighter hovers. She would’ve fit under it easily and been able to slash from below without having to jump into the damn sky. Though, counterpoint: she has her lightsaber ignited and is turning to slash at the cockpit. Not really a nice thing to do to an ally of yours helping you train, hm? Idk. The scene looks cool as fuck, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me tbh lmao

As a last thing… it’s really hitting me that this is it. This is the end of the Skywalker saga. Even though I know they have other stories planned with new characters at some point, imo, this is really the end of the true part of the franchise. How much am I really going to care about Star Wars without the familiar faces? After decades… this is really it. That’s… very bittersweet. I have loved these movies, always, but especially so in recent years (as evidenced by the existence of this blog lmao) and they’ve been a big part of my life. Yet here we are. And I just… I’m feeling melancholy about that in and of itself, but I also really, really want this to be a satisfying ending. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I want it to fit. I want it to feel right. I want closure and I want this ending to do justice to these characters, including the main ones, the side ones, and the ones who came before but aren’t featured in this trilogy. That’s really what I’m aching for here. And I am cautiously hopeful, but I am also nervous. This is a very tall order and, while JJ is probably the person best qualified to give that to us, it doesn’t change how much of a challenge that is. It’s a lot. And… I am definitely sad about this being the end. Even if I love the movie and it’s amazing and lives up to all of my dreams, it will still end and this will be it. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to feel when that actually comes and it kinda scares me a little. But a satisfying ending would help soften the blow, so we shall see. Idk. I’m sad and a little scared just because of that, all other reservations aside

I think that’s all I’ve got for now? I’m excited for more and I don’t know if we’ll get much over the rest of celebration, but there might be snippets. I’d still like to see the Knights of Ren too, given that we’re pretty sure they’re in the movie but like… where? Lmao I want to know. Anyway. This is mostly word vomit, so don’t take it too seriously. My predictions could be way off base and we won’t know for a while so yeah. If you read this far, congrats and thanks for reading my rambling!

[96percentdone]

Are you too mad at the incest serial killer thing at the end of chapter 3,which came kinda out of nowhere and was shock value for the sake of shock value?

My man, I don’t think anyone isn’t. It’s such a huge waste. v3′s ch3 is like the second worst chapter in the game, and probably the third worst chapter overall in the series because it’s just. It’s literally Kodaka trying so desperately to be as gross as possible he wastes literally everything about the chapter.

The motive that chapter ends up not mattering, which I could honestly kinda live with just a serial killer twist. Obviously, a serial killer is gonna do their thing regardless, and Shinguuji waiting for as long as he did before getting to work can easily be played for him scoping out who’d be a good target for his MO and an ideal situation. This ACTUALLY could have been pretty cool.

But if the motive wasn’t going to tie into him it needed to more clearly tie into the story at large, or basically dropped entirely. As it is the resurrection ritual motive is not explained nor does it clearly tie into the scenario at large. SDR2′s despair fever motive, much as I can’t stand it, clearly affected the plot and explained something about the characters, as well as the circumstances of their situation being VR. You can easily put it together. What does the resurrection ritual tell us? Listen, I’ve put together theories as to what it means for the killing game in v3, but it’s not something that’s super obvious at all, and can be easily argued in many ways. It’s a bad motive that ends up disregarded.

And it’s not even entirely disregarded by Shinguuji’s nonsense because in the post trial Monokuma’s like “can’t believe you wasted such a perfectly good motive like that!” implying that A) it works and B) it matters only to never be explained directly or indirectly!

So the given ch3 motive doesn’t matter, and all we’re left with is Shinguuji’s motives which...oh boy. That’s just bad. As I’ve said before I can live with a serial killer. I think it’d be kinda neat. But Shinguuji’s motivations are so over the top disgusting that it stops being neat and just ends up a gross waste of time. He’s a serial killer! Actually, he’s a serial killer for his dead lover! Actually, his dead lover is his older sister! And she’s a ghost who’s probably possessing him! AND she’s probably abusive given how she talks! Fucking REALLY?

And the amount of harmful shit this all plays into...Shinguuji is notably characterized as kind of effeminate as well as creepy. If I recall correctly at one point Momota basically calls him the f-slur in the original Japanese, and since Kodaka never calls Momota out for his shitty behavior, and in fact seems to endorse it as Good™, the takeaway from this is Shinguuji’s effeminate nature is gay and also kind of terrible. And then they do the incest serial killer shit.

Basically through Shinguuji being so extreme and disgusting they’ve actively condemned the other parts of Shinguuji that really like aren’t a problem. It’s not actually a problem to like the occult, or be kinda feminine. But Kodaka grouped that all together to very intentionally make a statement that this kind of thing is gross and wrong and bad, and since Momota (who Kodaka narratively seems to agree with all the time) says Shinguuji is gross and weird for being like that even before the serial killer shit, it’s telling just what Kodaka thinks about that kind of personality at all. To the point where he decided it’d be appropriate to turn him into a victim of incest and a serial killer.

And let’s add to the list of terrible tropes because that’s not enough no see Shinguuji post reveal is also played as insane for the same reasons. The narrative never really makes it totally clear if he’s straight up possessed, or lost his mind, and it doesn’t bother, because it’s not the point. The point of the reveal is “look at this reprehensible serial killer isn’t he so gross and creepy and weirdly effeminate look at how he switches personalities like that and wears makeup!” it’s just bad and insulting.

And it shows like no care for like. Actual victims of incest that they made him. Like this? While I appreciate the subtle hints that his sister groomed and abused him based on the way they “interact” with each other, it’s like not enough to counteract all the bad shit such as incest turned him into a serial killer for love. It’s not played for tragedy, it’s played just to be seen as gross, and the narrative even with these hints still seems to condemn Shinguuji as if he wasn’t a victim for it and actively consented, especially given how he’s treated in the post-trial and execution. The whole thing in every regard is just a fucking mess. The implications of just one reveal in one chapter are all fucking awful.

I’ll be honest. I’m not particularly fond of Shinguuji, but it’s not because I think he’s an inherently bad character, but because Kodaka insists on using him to throw so many people under the bus just for the sake of being shocking and gross. It didn’t have to be like that at all. You could have had Shinguuji be reprehensible (as is typical for ch3 killers) without it being this...unnecessary. It didn’t need to be incest. He didn’t need to look “craaaaazzyyyy,” nor be kinda gay-coded. If you wanted a serial killer, you could have had one, but it didn’t need to be like this.

Shinguuji, much like a large chunk of the v3 cast, didn’t have to be wasted like this. Frankly, I think he could have been really cool with that design. He’s among the smarter cast members, and he’s creepy and doesn’t really seem all that interested in anything but just watching chaos unfold. I think that’s all really cool, and if that was explored and not all this tacked on gross shit, he’d probably be a favourite. But...no instead we have this. And I really think that’s a shame.

[exileoblivion]

all of them for you too buddy

alrighty, here goes!!1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? I try to make it equal, but I always end up with more milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? For the most part, yes. Unless I’m not feeling well or whatever

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever’s close at hand that’s flat and small, lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? My coffee has to have a LOT of creamer and/or sugar. My tea depends; for the most part, it HAS to have at least a little bit of sugar, but there’s some that I don’t mind not having sugar in, just depends

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? YES.

6: do you keep plants? No

7: do you name your plants?No

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Either writing or drawing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yup!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Mainly my sides, but I’ll lay on my back when I’m sick or hurt

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? …oh god…my one friend and I have one that deals with DMMD, and I am SO not talking about that here pppfffttttttt

12: what’s your favorite planet? I don’t really have one

13: what’s something that made you smile today? I WATCHED THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE, AND IT WAS SO DAMN CUTE ALSDKFJELAKJSDF

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Dorky AF. Probably a lot of purple/shades of purple for the colors

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Space smells like burnt meat and metal, or something like that? I remember hearing that a while back

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Chicken alfredo, or Mushroom Ravioli alskdjfalskjdf

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I REEEALLLLYYYYYY want to dye the right side of my hair pastel pink

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. that same inside joke about DMMD omfg alskdjf

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? a writing journal? No. I do have a TON of sketchbooks though, which have random doodles in them.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue. BRIGHT blue. I’ve also lately REALLLYYYY been loving shades of brown that almost look red. 

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I recently bought a Castiel bag from Hot Topic, and while it’s not old, it has gone on a few adventures through the woods with me, and went with me to my last job quite a lot. I’m going to be using it a TON when I get my fursuit partial in 2018.

22: are you a morning person? Depends on if I get enough sleep, and wake up in a good mood

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Laying in “bed” curled up in a few blankets with snacks and watch youtube vids

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? In the past, yeah. I haven’t had someone I could trust that much in a looonnnggggg time though

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Technically it wasn’t breaking in to, but I went to explore my old abandoned house and it was SO cool, omfg. 

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Lately it’s either my red converse or my gray winter boots

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Man, I haven’t chewed gum in YEARS…I dunno?

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i can’t think of an answer to this one

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? OF COURSE

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love them in the winter! I love the ones with patterns, or things on them. The plain colored ones are so boring, tbh. I loooveeee the ones that go up to my knees, or the super fuzzy ones. I also super love slippers asldkfj 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I can’t stop thinking about that damn DMMD joke between my one friend and I alskdjfalkds that happened WELL after 3am when we were both super tired to the point of delirium, and it’s just so funny alskjf

33: what’s your fave pastry? It’s a tie between pie and cinnamon buns/rolls

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had this plush cat that my one grandma gave me for christmas like…a year or so before she died? I named her Jellybean, and I took her EVERYWHERE with me. I should still have her…at least I did when we moved here when I was like 15…but I haven’t checked…she could be ruined for all I know ughhhhhhh

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yeah! I use stuff like that on rare occasions.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? STARSET!!!!!

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I don’t have a room, and have way too much stuff in all different areas to keep anything organized. I HATE it :”D

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I CAN NOT FUCKING STAND THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE EATING. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT IT IS, I CAN ALWAYS HEAR PEOPLE EATING. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT ALSKDJFALSKDJFLAKSJDFUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, but seriously. I can NOT be around people that are eating. I HAVE to have headphones in. Like, no offense…I have sensitive hearing, and chewing ((honestly, any kind of mouth noise other than talking)) noises make me gag and spiral into a HUGE anxiety attack and it’s so bad alsdkjfalskdjf 

39: what color do you wear the most? Black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? Okay, so since I keep mentioning DMMD; I got an Industrial piercing in my left ear just like Noiz. It was the last piercing I got, and my first one from a PROPER piercer. The whole experience was awesome, and I loved it. It was back when our group was still 4 people, and we made a day of it. The piercer was SUPER nice, talked me through everything he was doing, being calm and reassuring, and just super sweet in general? Afterwards, he gave me a box of apple juice to help with my blood sugar, and I loved that idea so much, that to this day after I get tattoos or piercings, I always make sure to have apple juice as a tradition. I got my last piercing because 1.) I thought it looked HELLA cool, 2.) I reallllyyyyyy wanna cosplay Noiz, and 3.) Noiz’s character has a TON of meaning and stuff with me. Up next I’m gonna start stretching my lobes like him. Maybe it’ll be soon! 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder cases

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Sadly, no. If I did, it’d probably be a Starbucks or a Crazy Mocha

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Like, actually laid out with a blanket and watched them for a long period of time? When I was a little kid with my brothers, watching a meteor shower

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? n-e-v-e-r~

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? sometimes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of  for the life of me, I can’t think of any at the moment alskdjfalskdjfleakjsef

.47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? BLACK LICORICE

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I think it may have been the dark…? And I mean…I do suffer from sleep paralysis…so…sometimes, kinda…..bllleeecchhhhhh

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? YES! The last two that I bought myself was  Gorillaz’s Demon Days and Plastic Beach 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Do stuffed plushes/animals count…? Cuz…ya boi has a bad addiction with buying stuffed things

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? The only ones that I can think of are all sad/depressing/triggering…

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? What in tarnation dog…I don’t get the whole babadook being a gay icon one, but it is funny af for some reason??? distracted boyfriend….is the “BITCH I WON’T HESITATE’ considered a meme at this point, cuz I LOVE that one even if it isn’t

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I will NEVER watch or listen to that shit, get it out of here. Not yet, but maybe someday. HATE IT. Never seen it.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? IRL…? no clue lmao

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? God…I have no clue….probably like, raise my voice…?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? …I really need to start paying attention to people more…I can’t think of anything…

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Unpopular opinion…I hate that song. 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I don’t have enough friends to apply this to anyone oops

59: what’s your favorite myth? I don’t have a favorite myth, but can we talk about conspiracy theories and stuff like that???? cuz, holy hell…my eyes are finally open to them and some of them are GLORIOUS

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Poetry’s okay, I don’t have any faves

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Probably like everything I ever give people. I can’t think of any

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I have apple juice, I WILL DRINK THAT EVERY MORNING ALSKFJLSKEJF

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kinda just leave them be. As long as they don’t get ruined

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? It looks black?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? convention friends. I also used to have a lot of online friends who have all pretty much disappeared that I miss terribly…

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? It’d be made of golden flowers. because reasons.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? ALIVE alskdfjaslkdfj

68: what’s winter like where you live? It’s all over the freaking place. Sometimes it’s super cold, snowy, windy….other time’s it’s kinda cold, no snow, we’ve had a few where it’s practically spring weather?!???!?!?! 

69: what are your favorite board games? I love CAH, and other kinds of adult humored games like those alskdfj

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Not an Ouija board, but I have used a pendulum thingy with a sheet of paper that almost represented an Ouija board

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? I love ALL kinds of tea. I have so many faves, I can’t pick just one alskdjfalskdfj

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Sorta, yeah

73: what are some of your worst habits? Whew boy, just about everything I do anymore is bad lmao

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. um…they’re…human?

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping lmao

77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? HATECLUB

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? no one’s done anything cute for me in years thx

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? The area that I sleep in has white walls. It’s the color that was here when we moved in.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. …it just occurred to me…that I have no idea what color eyes my friends have…WELP

82: are/were you good in school? Nope lmao

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I think the art for Plastic Beach is pretty neat

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? YES!!!! I have my Bill Cipher one all drawn up, just need to get it done. And then, I’m thinking of getting the seal of Metatron from the SH series done on my other rib, and then….I have SOOOOOOoooooOOoOOOoOoO many more ideas for tattoos, it’s ridiculous, lmao.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I don’t read comics, but I do read manga lol. I LOVE Deadman Wonderland, I just got the complete series of MARS which was the first manga series I ever read through, Alice 19th is SO GOOD, of course my unhealthy love for Killing Stalking, Blood Bank…um…I can’t think of anymore atm

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I honestly don’t know what that means….? But, it’s possible…?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Nightmare Before Christmas, Inception, Shutter, the original Halloween movies, Guardians of the Galaxy, The Lost Boys, Queen of the Damned, Ironman 3

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? nope

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Okay, so…I’ve only ever been to D.C. once so far, but it’s REALLY beautiful alskdfj I can’t wait for next Otakon, and hopefully be able to explore it more. There’s such a surreal charm to it. You can reallllllyyyyy feel the history everywhere you go there. Just. Damn. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I WANT TO VISIT CENTRALIA SO GOD DAMN BADLY WHILE I’M STILL THE SAME AGE AS JAMES SUNDERLAND, AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIMEASLDKJFALSKEJFLAKSJFLKJ

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? no cheese plz

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? messy buns or ponytails

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?…one of my brothers…???

95: what are your plans for this weekend? celebrate Thanksgiving, make a dessert for our dartball tournament…hope to hell I don’t get dragged to it…and hopefully write or play games. Maybe also clean too….

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I tend to let them go for awhile before updating

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, Aquarius, Slytherin

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? too long!!! and, I think so?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hiro no Tsuki/Melfina’s song, Is there Somewhere and Control by Halsey, just about the whole Undertale soundtrack, the sountracks to both Portal 1, and 2, ESPECIALLY Exile Vilify by The National, All of Me by John Legend,JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING BY STARSET, I know there’s a ton….but those are all of the ones I can think of at the moment

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. 5 years ago was TERRIBLE, and I never want to relive it again.