#i know why that one's like that though. grandpa was a butcher

[ragsy]

I love living in a house that, every time I have to call out a plumber or an electrician to look at something, it always ends with the maintenance guy putting his hands on his hips and going "huh. That's weird, why is it like that"

[lazycats-stuff]

I had read a fic of yours where Batson was Australian, I don't know if you have other requests like this but if you accept, make one with Batson being Brazilian and he likes football, carnival and who likes to listen and dance to music by the great diva Anitta

Okay, that's cool. I never really knew a lot about Brazil, but I love learning more about it. Bruce is really mister worldwide lol.

Summary: (Y/N) is Brazilian.

Warnings: none

According to Jason, Bruce has become mister Worldwide. Why, I might hear you asking? He, as a playboy, sleeps with a lot of women. One of those women was a Brazilian model and the two had a son together. Bruce took a DNA first because he didn't want to take any type of chances.

It wouldn't be a first time that a woman tried to claim that a kid was his, but wasn't. Turns out, DNA came back telling him that (Y/N) was his son. Thankfully, the woman was very understanding and Bruce sent her money every month and he would visit when he could.

Unfortunately, (Y/N)'s mom passed away when he was a teen and he came to live in the USA with his father and half brothers. It was a little bit weird at first, a new city, a father who is a vigilante, his brothers too, a butler who is their handler so to speak...

Either way, it was weird, but he was happy to be here with his family. That was something that he thought that Americans were lacking sometimes. That feeling of tight nit love and family. His family, including grandmas, grandpas, aunts and much more lived within a walking distance from him.

Okay, that may sound like Americans don't share that same sentiment about family, but (Y/N) didn't really see it. It may that in Brazil that is just amplified by 10 or it could be something else of course. However, his family is tight knit and very loving.

(Y/N) didn't think that he would have that here in America, but hey, he can't really complain can he.

However, there is a single thing he will fight until the day he dies. His fellow Brazilian men and women, his brothers and sisters would agree. Soccer is not football. Football is football, you play with your feet. That's why is so popular.

And that's why Europeans and Latinos went nuts for it. Honestly, (Y/N) watches every game with Brazil's national team, even if Bruce had to pay more for the program. He has the money. He can't let his son suffer, can he?

Also, American Football should be named American Soccer, because the ball is never on the ground. (Y/N) will die by that statement and he will fight everyone he needs to fight with to prove it.

Until his last breath and last drop of blood.

One thing he loves more than anything, alongside the football of course, is the famous Rio de Janeiro carnival. He made Bruce and the rest of the family go every single year with him. Thankfully, he still has his Brazilian passport with him.

And the family has a translator for when they go, because not a lot of people speak English, only in bigger cities and popular tourist sites. It's fun to see (Y/N) speak his native language with so much passion and everyone has decided to learn it to talk to (Y/N).

(Y/N) was proud and nothing but supportive, even though at times they were butchering the language, but it's always the thought that matters. And Portuguese is an easier language to pick up. (Y/N) even had some rewards for them.

Every time they could hold a some what correct conversation when it comes to grammar and vocabulary, they would get a dish from the Brazilian cuisine. It's the famous Feijoada and it's just (Y/N)'s favorite. Everyone loved when (Y/N) made it and it was with his grandma's recipe.

That's what motivated them to learn, because even Damian swore by that dish and he loved it the most. Bruce and the rest loved it, it was different then the rest of the American cuisine. Of course, (Y/N) introduced them to another dishes, but everyone loved the Feijoada.

(Y/N) knew it.

One thing he loves is listening to Anitta. He loves her music and they would often find him dancing while he was cleaning, dusting, vacuuming and other times. It made him happy and Bruce found (Y/N) humming the melody and the lyrics every day.

Everyone soon knew the lyrics to the songs and the melody. And besides, they are all learning Portuguese and it was fun to learn it that way. Dick found her songs great and listened to it during his workouts and Dick loved it.

And one thing that Bruce was proud of was the fact that (Y/N) didn't decided to assimilate. He still has his values and he wasn't afraid to say that he is Brazilian. If he has an interview he is often found correcting people and he is not afraid to say it.

Due to the fact that he is not afraid to say he is from Brazil, people of Brazil have claimed him and whenever he comes, they just shower him with love. He is extremely popular and Bruce knows he shouldn't worry about it, but still.

Bruce worries about his children all of the time, especially when they are in another country, especially on vacation. (Y/N) often told him not to worry and did Bruce listen?

No.

One thing more thing that made Bruce love Brazil more than anything in this world is the fact that they take their hygiene more than some Americans do. (Y/N) said to everyone that during the summer he would take 3 showers per day sometimes.

Damian found that interesting. Brazil is a humid and hot country, considering that it's a tropical country and the heat is often unforgiving.

(Y/N) said that the shower made him slow down and think about relaxing. He often clears his head and feels less stress afterwards. He has explained the shower routine, but still, the family they don't really understand it, but hey, as long (Y/N) is happy.

And one thing that Brazilians love doing that Bruce found nice was the way that they are affectionate. Kisses, hugs and touching. Of course, with consent. (Y/N) understood that not really liked it, but his family loved it.

Damian would often get picked randomly and hugged from behind. Damian would often grumble about it, but he loved it. Bruce loved the hugs and the rest loved the hugs too.

Bruce was just happy that one of them was normal emotionally. (Y/N) was trained in martial arts to protect himself, like everyone, but decided to not be a vigilante. He just couldn't be and Bruce respected it.

(Y/N) was their safety net and nobody would have it any other way.

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

What about meeting Ryan meeting HL sister???

I can imagine both of them would be in good terms, MC didn't mention THAT much about her brother because she didn't know how Ryan would react or if he would believe her so she keep quiet but she did answer his question honestly whenever he ask the most surprised one is about Billy Butcher, it went something like this:

Ryan: soo did Butcher ever cheated??

MC: what? What do you mean??

Ryan:well mom did mention a few times both you and butcher in a good way but not that much and Dad (aka Homelander) doesn't like Butcher, soo i did have my theory.

MC: well it's complicated, but he didn't cheated nor i didn't, but both of us were young when we're dating ....

Ryan notice that both Butcher and MC we're so much in love, even when Ryan asks Butcher when mentioned or asks about MC he see it how much both of them care about each other.

Ryan: then why did you break up?? If you love him so much?

MC: well both your father and my father is quite..... Protective specially John (aka Homelander) when they both found out about it they would either kill him or scare him off or worse

Ryan: wait what?....

MC:I Know!! But i did manage to convince them to stop them, i didn't want to and Butcher didn't wanted too but for his safety we did break up.

Ryan: .... I am sorry that i ask auntie

MC: don't worry about it kid we're good now i am happy to help and answer your question.

Ryan:did you and butcher got back together??

MC: oh i don't know ....

She look at him with a shy smile and melancholic.

(yes they have , even though Butcher show many times his affection to her she's still doubting herself)

Sorry for the spam and all , hope you don't mind 😅😅

I think Ryan will see mc as a substitute mother figure. He'll probably find it slightly weird the similarities between you and Becca (i mean, butcher definitely has a type 😂😂) honestly ryan is the number one butcherxyou shipper. He thinks if you guys really get back together that there may be a chance for him to have an actual family. When he sees you and Butcher sitting side by side, he can't help but think of what could be.

Ryan is so smart for his age that he picks up on how tender Butcher's voice becomes when he thinks the two of you are alone (ryan peeping around the corner).

You definitely feel responsible for him after learning what your brother Homelander did to Becca. HL wants visitation rights? Yeah, that ain't gonna fly by you.

Mama bear mode activated and you ain't even his mom 😂 you're not letting your toxic ass family near him.

If you have custody of Ryan when SB returns, oh, you're even more on edge to protect your lil nephew. (i personally think sb favors you and ryan bc the both of you have his features: dark hair and light colored eyes)

And from your stories, Ryan is not really excited to meet his grandpa 😬

also. . .

you: dad can you not do drugs right in front of ryan.

sb: ah honey, stop sheltering the kid. you're gonna raise him as one of these millennial pussies i've been hearing about.

ryan: 😶

[jorisjurgen]

World of Twelve dashboard simulator

🎆 halfalight follow

I think if I get knocked out while solo'ing dungeons oen more time local eniripsas will just euthanise me 😭 iop save me

🫂 shards-of-glass-in-the-bar follow

we all have that homie who's not gonna make it.

🎆 halfalight follow

You run an anti-recovery alcoholism blog tho ???

🫂 shards-of-glass-in-the-bar follow

way to be classphobic dipshit.

🐙 podapoda-2-3 follow

Idk i feel like posting about losing your home bc of it isn't very successful and happy pandawa of you.

🤹 mysteryrystery follow

Anyone in this thread smoke hemp

(1,275 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

Like a sworn knight, I serve you. You are my beating heart, my lifeline. Neither Bonta nor Astrub would be home, if you were not by my side...

Yet, why do my hands yearn for freedom, the way a butcher yearns for a wild animal?

🌛 quartziwindy follow

Are you ok op.

🕸️ osamodas-loves-spiders follow

isnt op that one guy with 50 side blogs who got accused of being a part of the bontarian royalty and classfaking being an ecaflip.

🌌 somethingquietplace

Do you swear on your heart that you can truly believe a person with a life and a career would post on this site.

#Mind your buisiness. #not osu

(12,643 notes)

🥧 amakna-news-official follow

does anyone know if the demigod goultard is still out there marrying people//...

i n;;eed h;im.

🍄 124-lancer-lancer follow

When you die and go to externam not even being hosed down will help clean your soul. You will not reincarnate for 999 years.

🆎 alphabetcounter follow

e: 13; n: 11; o: 11; l: 7; a: 6; r: 6; i: 5; t: 5; u: 4; d: 4; 9: 3; h: 3; y: 4; s: 3; w: 4; g: 2; c: 2; x: 1; m: 1; v: 1; b: 1; p: 1; f: 1

(489 notes)

🌌 somethingquietplace

Went on a fishing trip with my family.

Here are some photos I took there, including photos of the snappers the three of us caught. Sufokia is beautiful this time of the year.

　　　　　　　　Keep reading

🌌 somethingquietplace

I'll delete this reblog a bit later for organization purposes, but I wanted to take this moment to thank you all for your comments.

Also, I did not know that there was a fishing community here, for all the decades I spent on this site. The more you know.

#It's nice to get back in the groove of things... #Such a hectic year. #I just need some peace and quiet. #And maybe then I'll feel better. #Though sometimes I do ask why I keep doing this. Just everything in general. #...A hot chocolate will fix me right up though. Always does. #Delete later

(201 notes)

🔰 noobdefencesquad follow

I know most ppl are like..,, 100% over talking about that one fuckin xelor that reversed time for like 20 minutes. like yeah hes evil but he saved my whole life. i spilled coffee on my passport and then WHOOM time reversed and shit. and i woke up 20 minutes earlier, threw up, and decided not to go anywhere near my documents with liquids ever again.

can i get a wahoo for grandpa genocide. like he really fucked up but he did do a solid one to at least me. i just feel like enough years had passed for me to speak my truth

🌒 ten-o-cock-and-a-half follow

It's not a laughing matter, people died. And it was a yet another case of media representing xelors as crazy and evil.

Try to put yourself in the mindset of the victims.

🔰 noobdefencesquad follow

im a xelor too and i think this is fucking hilarious soo yeah.

try reincarnating into a different class in next life! hope this helps.

🌛 quartziwindy follow

I agree with the second rb, but is nobody going to mention their url??

(1,274 notes)

👾 pixiiiii-piratika follow

I know we all have our role models for adventurers we'd like to marry or become or steal the gender of or whatever, but idk it haunts me that some of them may be on this site. Imagine someone like master Eva reading what ppl had written about her or her husband. scary.

🎁 doggrillsougi follow

I hope ush galash can feel when i post about sending him psionic shadow assassins. i hope he fucking feels pain. Every single time.

🎶 foggy-has-no-spoons follow

what did a random bontarian noble do to you. also isn't he dead.

🎁 doggrillsougi follow

OK SO. this made me realize that most people genuinely don't know about the murder dungeon allegations.

To summ it up, he lured in people to rob his house, put them in The Murder Dungeon (actually a tower, but... rule of funny. it sounds funnier that way), and Bontarian government did NOTHING about for years, and even placed a statue in his honor despite that.

wo2ww.bontanews.bn/articles/ush-galesh-allegations-of....

Now, this might sound like a conspiracy theory, but most of us in the demigod drama community know that Ecaflip demigods just... fake their deaths a lot. So there's a very big chance he's still out there. He's fucking out there.

And I want him to know, that I am sending psionic brain warriors to him. And to the king too.

THE ONLY reason this turned into a thing everyone knows is due to an anonymous leaker from within the palace. I fucking hate this kingdom.

🌹 theflowerofsadida follow

The city of good, btw

yet another reason i am a proud brakmarian despite not liking djaul LOL

🐙 podapoda-2-3 follow

WHAT????? HE HAD A WHAT ..

👾 pixiiiii-piratika follow

oh god what happened to my post.

🌛 quartziwindy follow

there are like, theories on who leaked it btw, considering a bunch of diplomats had access to the documents. Though I won't point any fingers towards anyone in the palace in particular. 👀

if it would keep him doing this, I could kiss that guy who did this, on the lips, I would. or like, give him a pizzlarva.

fr fr.

🌌 somethingquietplace

It's every Bontarian's civil duty to try and make the city a little bit better. I think these motivations are both unneeded and unwanted.

Though the pizzlarva bit is funny.

👾 pixiiiii-piratika follow

arent you that one guy with whos been here for like 20 years and got accused of being a part of the bontarian royalty and classfaking being an ecaflip.

did you do this tumblr user somethingquietplace. did you.

🌌 somethingquietplace

I'm running a combination OSU, photography, and fishing blog where I post poorly written poetry at 4AM.

Please stop with the "you're never beating the allegations" jokes.

#not osu

(85,024 notes)

[maryhadalittlehobby]

No liveblog for the first episode so have this little recap/review.

E1 "What can the damned say to the damned"

E2"Do you know what it means to be loved by Death"-livebog

Off the bat these light hearted smooth Jazz had me like huh? oh this gonna be different huh?

What is the significance of them perching on this statue. It looks like its of Pegasus-the winged horse in greek mythology but it also looks like it has another part to it. Now in one myth he was born from the blood of a beheaded woman!! Forshadowing?

I could listen to Louis speak in his Nola accent ALL DAY. Jacob love you are killing it. HospiTAL

Another interesting thing-he is losing his French after only 5+ years?Something something about distancing himself from Lestat

Also I hope that Staten Island reference was a nod to our other favorite vamps who live in Staten Island

my girl is a thief lol

"You tell me what it is to be a woman and Ill tell you what it is to be a woman " Ok COOK Claudia

Gauche!! our first looks and words from our coven!

Loumand keep repeating that they have been together 77 years . We get it babes. Daniel feels that way too. And the slight to Lestat-thats FORTY SEVEN more than he spent with him. So proud of that lol

THEY ARE DAMN NEAR SITTING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER!

Claudia and Louis really were damn baby birds. How the hell did they not sense these vampires stalking them in the open a few feet away lol

Louis little neck tie I cant!

Is that how you sell yourself yourself 🤝🏾A lie I told myself about myself

"Yeah" I like how both Louis and Armand later mimic Eric's voice saying it

"I don't know what I need- Maybe a new brain in my head" omg can they stop!! I do not want this!

My Louis is happy. Or at least not sad. And it looks good on him!

Claudia and Madeline's first interaction Its funny how its so antagonistic

I love how Claudia has PURPOSELY chosen to butcher the French accent. We see she can master languages and accents easily from their time in easter Europe. Another FU to Lestat. He would hate it lol

Why is Louis sooooo loopy in Dubai lol Is it the Sun? Is he fighting off the dead sleep? Something is up. Our young friends

I was a rougher thing🤝🏾 I was and armored thing

WHERE are the BRAVE MEN I WAS PROMISED?!

This background blur perspective bro. Something is WRONG is this Armand fucking with us too

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT (for amand at least) Im sick Louis looks scared shitless lol

I LOVE that lavender dress especially without the caplet

SANTIBABY has arrived and I'm sat! That monologue! it rivals Jacobs confession booth!

I have a mighty need to cosplay him Im sorry

Louis looking lovingly at Claudia as she enjoys the theatre mirroring Louis lovingly looking at Lestat as he enjoyed the Opera. Kill me now

Louis thinking WHY DO YOU DO THIS SANTIAGO?

Eglee being a astrology girly is so funny

Daniel KILLED me with his telenovella spiel

Vermouth and annihilation. Vermouth is said to tastes light, florally and even medicinal. Annihilation means complete destruction so aka Lestat tastes nasty lol. I wonder if Louis would agree. We cut from them quickly so...

Louis being surprised by Armand's tirst with the father and son!

I want to lick these two. We got to stay away from Estelle if we can😂

She felt their lust!oh man what was she feeling when Louis and Lestat were NM

Roget said :or maybe Lestat is sleeping" Does he know he is a vampire?! Has that knowlege been passed down through generations?

My Louis. I'm already in pieces

Sam bodied that letter reading. I fucking teared up.

But why the Brad Pit Blowout . He got his hair did in pugatorty and we can tell

LesDot de Lioncoouuurrr Ok sir we get it.

"Lestat Lestat Lestat" Daniel too?! Lol

Danny can dish it but he can't take but alsoLouis please! Leave my grandpa alone

I love how the trailers really tricked us into thinking so much. I though the letter reading scene was a revisit of the Ms Lily threesome scene. I thought the after math scene was Danny somehow driving as wedge between Loumand but it was just Louis being pissed/upset at Daniel for making a joke of his pain. And i know so many others thought the same. We really don't know shit!

Amand is Alice truthers IDK but I think Armand was there. How was could he know what Alice was thinking

Louis falling asleep might as well be him calling Santiago a buffoon lol Persona non grata- a person not favored or welcomed.

And nooo I didn't get the bottom of the Beret look for Claudia correct for my cosplay. We didn't have a full shot so I took a guess. Oh well. She is wearing dark pants for her bottoms. I wonder why she is in pants? Have they become more fashionable/acceptable for women to wear in the 40's ? Or is she rebelling against the fashion of the time?

The way I was squirming and squeeling when we first saw this estate scene at nycc 2023. I was like" am I a loumand girlie now??" I can't deny they look good together and have amazing chemistry

Another goddam beheading reference. What is this 4 now?!

My Dear American friend you are a horrible liar lol That little switch in Amands demeaner with DONT. Chills!

Louis please don't start pretending to fit in and like what these fiends are doing babes. He was so happy at the start of the episide but we leave him with a conflicted fake smile😞

This episode was WILD!I'm obsessed with the visual choices, the music choices, the jokes with the juxposition of these deeply dramatic moments. How is this all in one episode?! How did it not feel rushed with so much happening. It was brillant and has moved up to my 2nd favorite episode between both parts. I could never have predicted this tonal change. This is the best show around. I am cladia at the theatre- wide eyed and clapping furiously. Brava! Bravo!

[outoftouchsoldier]

Ignoring the fact that Ryan (Homelander's son) attacked you. Would you be interested in being his grandpa? You said you were lost when it comes to knowing what to do, you could try to bond with Ryan. It might take the kid a bit to warm up to you, but once you, Butcher, and the others try to explain why Homelander is no bueno you could try and have a bond with him.

You were looking for family, and he's right there.

First of all, "Grandpa" makes me feel old... I don't like that. I may be 103 but I think being called that is a step too far.

But since I've decided I don't know where I stand with Butcher, I don't think I want fuck all to do with the kid for now. And with the way that kid clung to Homelander, I don't think anyone could convince him otherwise.

To get that kid to change his mind, you'd have to get rid of his fucking attention seeking idiot of a father first, because one thing I know for sure is with Homelander being alive, there's no way of getting to that kid to try and change his mind. The damage has already been done. He's warped.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad trying to make some sort of connection with the kid if circumstances were different though... But I know how Butcher is, I know how much he wants every supe dead, so it wouldn't happen anyway.

That kid means nothing to me and it'll stay that way whether I like it or not.

[ridedatbull]

Imma infodump real quick because this has been bubbling in me and holy crap I can’t believe people care!

First off, I’m gonna preface by saying I’m just a Tauros rancher. Been one all my life, my family has been doing it in the traditional Johto fashion for… I dunno how long exactly, but a while. My only real scientific know how comes from old schooling and documentaries about fossils. Everyone had that phase right? Anyway…

So Tauros are pretty neat. Hoof to horn to tail they are the coolest. But they’re also kinda weird. They’re one of those weird mons that have a strange sexual dimorphism thing with another ‘species,’ aka Miltank. But actually they are technically the same. And yet, they are so physically different. Why?

Let’s start with their history. Bovine Pokémon were some of the first to be considered ‘domesticated,’ domesticated here meaning more willing to work with humans than most for one reason or another way back in the day. Hisui era type stuff. There are some who suggest that Tauros and Miltank looked much more alike in that time, or that they had a pre-evolution that branched depending on the sex like Ralts or Snorunt, but no proper records seem to have survived that prove either of these theories.

All we really have are old tales passed down by ranchers generation after generation. And anyone familiar with oral histories will know how messy that can get in terms of getting facts straight. My Pa and his Pa before him both told me stories of a time when Miltank looked very different, much more similar to their male counterparts in body structure and ferocity. At the same time, Tauros were also even more wild. The better to battle each other over mates and fend off the far more ferocious predators of their era. Neither Pa nor Grandpa ever actually saw these differences. Nor apparently did my great grandpa. But for a story to last even that long, surely there has to be something to it right?

As they tell it, Tauros and Miltank eventually decided that humans weren’t so bad. We could grow amazing food, build reliable shelter, and make a good racket if something threatening comes around. A lot of canine Pokémon had already figured out that we were willing to share the spoils for a few favors, so y’know, why not also try to get in on that?

Tauros were great at helping plow the fields to make even more food for everyone. Miltank was able to, of course, give milk as additional food so young children wouldn’t starve. Who’s idea it was to start that particular arrangement is anyone’s guess. That part of the story hasn’t survived in detail, but I believe it may have been the Miltank?

Anyways, outside of hard labor, meat was the only other thing humans could really do with the male Tauros at the time outside of the standard Pokemon Partner relationship. Miltank was more valuable as they could produce more without the need for a butcher. So as with many other living things, selective breeding happened. Both Pokémon were bred to be less temperamental, especially Miltank, though it’s never fully worked on Tauros.

Miltank were bred to have shorter legs, the harder to escape with. Smaller bodies, the easier to house in a barn. Gentler dispositions, the more willing to share their milk without a struggle. Somehow a degree of bipedalism became a side effect of all this. No one really knows how that part happened. Maybe an added cute factor? But that’s just my own speculation. More likely it’s so their teats don’t scrape the ground because… ouch.

Regardless, all those small changes resulted eventually in the Miltank and Tauros we all know of today. Put them in a field together, and they can still make more of themselves in the *ahem* ‘old fashioned way.’ More than that, they are always fully comfortable with each other, differences and all. Like nothing ever really changed between them after all this time.

Sometimes I think about all this and wonder what those ancient Tauros and Miltank were like. I wonder if Miltank could ever be restored to their original form. I wonder if they would want to. I wonder if either ‘species’ would have chosen to be our friends if they knew how it would change them.

Not that that really matters in the here and now. We’ve all become so intertwined as species that separating at this point would only hurt everyone involved. Sure there are plenty of wild herds as well, but even they carry the marks of what we humans have done.

I guess what I’m saying is, if we really are responsible for changing them, then we must also be responsible for continuing to care for them where we can. Sorry to get all philosophical suddenly, this stuff just kinda raises those questions. All I know for sure is I’m gonna keep doing what I do to raise and care for these beautiful Pokémon for all my days. And someday maybe I’ll pass this story to my own kids.

[gravesightings]

How would the slashers react to a serial killer s/o? Feisty, deadly and cunning. I am just so curious and also love your interpretation of them. ❤️👌

thanks so much! I’m glad. 💖

slashers reactions to: a serial killer s/o

Asa Emory / The Collector

chances are, he’s already done some investigating on you. depending on how far you’ve gone with him - it’s sink or swim.

if he cares about you enough he’ll risk introducing you to his collection. don’t expect too much though, as he would still prefer to work alone.

if you somehow use him in some way for your own goals, you’ll quickly find yourself being the newest addition to the collection, so try not to get any funny ideas.

would definitely feel like you’re walking on eggshells with him. he’s notoriously cautious so he might not be a fan of the idea of you walking the same path as him.

be extra domestic with him and he’ll eventually warm up to the idea. sweet-talk him, offer to wash his bloodied clothes along with yours and he just might start convincing himself that it doesn’t sound so bad after all.

Billy Lenz

if he found out before you even started dating - he's likely to save you for last just to observe how you really work. you’re dangerous and he doesn’t like that. (just pray he doesn’t end you in your sleep.)

or if you choose to drop the bomb on him mid-relationship, he’ll be shocked. is that why you’re so understanding? so patient with him?

if he happens to witness you killing, he’ll incorporate those in his obscene phone calls. maybe mumble it to himself sometimes as well.

compliments from billy! you’re not just a “regular piggy” anymore. smart piggy! pretty piggy! bloody piggy.

maybe it would be better if you don’t get in his way though. he tends to lose control when going after someone so he might hurt you by accident. likewise he won’t intercept you if you’re busy butchering someone.

god forbid someone goes after you, he’ll go beserk. if you save him from someone he’s not gonna thank you directly, instead just rest on you and compliment you some more.

Bo Sinclair

ah you’re hot but also fuck right off. ambrose is his territory and he’s not willing to share.

mid-relationship: he’ll be less trusting towards you. how long have you kept this from him, and why? what are you really after?

reassure him and earn that trust back again before he even lets you anywhere near his victims. the only way he’ll agree to work with you is if he’s the one calling the shots.

it’s pretty easy to fall into place once you’ve gotten used to his habits. he won’t admit it but it’s much easier to handle bigger groups with an extra pair of hands.

rage level increase! he’ll be especially violent towards anyone who takes a swing at you, only to snap back at you with “are you fuckin’ stupid? you could’ve gotten hurt!”

he’s actually much better at patching up wounds than vincent - and you better believe he’ll be patching you up before anybody else. (including himself) shut up, he already knows he’s bleeding and he doesn’t care.

Brahms Heelshire

another observant lad. like billy, he’ll take time to watch you very closely to see how you work. you’re his nanny and you kill too? hot.

it’ll be hard to keep secrets in such a huge house with very thin walls so you’re not likely to get away with this without him knowing. downside is it’ll take a much longer time for brahmsy to reveal himself.

kill for him and he’s yours to keep. usually it’s the other way around but now that he knows you’re capable, he’ll be a lot more laid-back. unless of course his jealousy gets the best of him.

still expects you to keep up with the list, however. there’s not really a lot of victims needing immediate attention so your first priority should always be him.

surprisingly helpful. he won’t feel the need to butcher anyone anymore (again, unless his jealousy acts up.) so he might actually give you a hand - just make sure to reward him properly for his efforts.

Bubba Sawyer

nervous bubby is hesitant to even go near you. sure he’s big and has a chainsaw but you look really good at what you do so he’s a bit scared.

mid-relationship: you’re a WHAT? gasps. actually, now that he thinks about it, that explains a lot. that’s okay he still loves you a whole lot!

quick to inform the entire family. hey everybody!! guess who has the coolest s/o ever?! he does! makes sure grandpa sawyer gets to see just how impressive you are. he’s so proud!

drayton’s undoubtedly going to hear about this so congrats! you’ve now levelled up to meat-wrangler, just like bubby. the whole family will be quick to accept you - no questions asked.

bubba still panics whenever you get hurt though! so maybe don’t get too carried away. he’s quick to make sure the tougher victims are taken care of first so they don’t hurt his precious s/o.

Jason Voorhees

big boy is THREATENED. why are you here and what do you want? please leave right now. though you do seem oddly nice for someone who just beheaded a guy at the dock.

mid-relationship: frozen in shock. his beloved s/o? the one that kisses him every morning? struggles to believe it. he might even refuse to accept it unless you have a good reason to do so.

he might be more accepting if you do it to protect yourself or as a way to rid the camp of trespassers. for him? he’s not sure how to feel about that.

very against the idea. bad people won’t think twice about hurting you. it doesn’t matter if you’re good at defending yourself or not - jason just doesn’t want strangers near you.

help him and he’s thankful, but he’s still gonna remind you to stay away from the trespassers as much as possible. 

but jason, you cry out - no no no, he taps your nose, don’t you worry your pretty little head. he’ll do all the protecting, thank you very much.

Jesse Cromeans / Chromeskull

if you make it on the news chromey is going to know about you asap. he’s got all the proper sources so you won’t exactly be as well-hidden as you thought. as long as you don’t go for his targets, he’ll leave you be.

if you happen to cross paths with him and things turn romantic then that makes things much easier on him. he’s more likely to keep you around in the long run knowing you’re okay with the lifestyle.

fucked-up games? you bet. this man is always up to no good and often tries to one-up you. bet his body count is bigger than yours. yeah? do you want proof?

would be very willing to let you tag along and watch. just don’t interact with his victims. at all. he’s fiercely possessive to a point that he’s not above fucking you in front of them to prove a point.

he’s not gonna assist you during your activities unless you’re in mortal danger but he’s also known to stalk you during your escapades. what do you mean “what the fuck are you doing here?” he brought you flowers like a good boyfriend and this is how you greet him? rude!

Michael Myers

hmm hot. even if you don’t tell him he already would have known before approaching you. he’ll be apprehensive if you choose to keep secrets from him, especially if he knows about them already.

if you trust him enough to tell him about this he’ll appreciate your honesty and might keep you around longer. hm sure okay but he knows already. (he’s not about to tell you that though)

do your own thing and leave him be. he doesn’t really care. upside is he won’t have to worry about you being attacked because he knows you’re capable of defending yourself even without him.

but that doesn’t stop him from being petty and obsessive. bashes the already motionless corpse of the idiot that attacked you. he’s not gonna stop until they turn into paste.

he works alone. don’t even try to follow him. stop it. don’t you have other places to be? shoo. firmly carries you back to the house and locks you there.

Thomas Hewitt

is it bad that he finds you.... kinda hot? you handle yourself well but he’s also lowkey afraid of you.

mid-relationship: like jason, he has trouble accepting the fact that his darling would be capable of such a horrid thing. he’ll be okay with it if you do it for the hewitts or for your own protection. otherwise he’s not into it.

killing bad. please leave it to him instead, okay? he doesn’t want you getting hurt. he’ll insist to do all the butchering despite hoyt’s loud protests that you should be pulling your own weight.

go ahead and brush up on your convincing skills because it’s not impossible to persuade him. (unlike jason). you would need to earn your right to provide for the family.

the hewitts are quicker to accept you into the family once you’ve proven yourself. you’ll fit right in! tommy’s always going to be a worrywart though regardless of how good you actually are.

Vincent Sinclair

might actually target you first because you’re the most dangerous. he’s much less likely to trust you since you’ve killed before.

mid-relationship: tell him very early in the relationship otherwise he might not trust you again. he’ll be understanding regardless of your intentions. (unless of course if it’s to harm him or his brothers, then he’s troubled.)

mother hen vincent would also prefer you don’t help out with the victims. bo’s already a handful by himself and he’s confident that the three of them (along with lester) can manage.

but he’s not going to forbid you, per se. he’s not gonna go out of his way to stop you. just as long as you’re smart about it and you don’t get hurt, then you can carry on.

again, an extra pair of hands means less work for everybody involved so as much as bo bitches about how trusting you might come back to bite them in the ass, they’re appreciative of your efforts.

[theofficialjerenablog]

Mi Cariñito

Ollie loved Thanksgiving. She loved being able to eat until she felt like she was going to pop, she loved watching football with her grandpa and Uncle Kyle. She especially loved it after her mom married Jamie, because she got to help in the kitchen and sneek bites of whatever she helped Jamie make.

Since she didn’t have to go to school, she didn’t usually wake up early. Besides, Jamie didn’t really start the fun part of cooking until after breakfast. But today, the smell of cinnamon and sugar woke her up and rolling out of bed, she shuffled into the kitchen, peeking around the corner when she heard the sound of music she didn’t recognize.

Jamie was in the kitchen, frying something that she was covering in what looked like sugar, which to Ollie meant that whatever it was it had to be good. She was about to announce her presence and offer her services as official food taster when Jamie turned slightly and Ollie saw that even though she was singing softly to the music, she was crying.

Debating for a moment what she should do, she backed away quietly, going to her mom’s office instead, where she found her sitting in her arm chair reading something on her laptop and munching on one of the things Jamie had been making. “Hey mom,” she greeted, closing the door softly and walking over to the desk.

“Good morning Olliegator,” her mom greeted with a smile, holding her arms open and waving for Ollie to come over. And, yeah sure, Ollie was 13 now, but she decided she could still cuddle her mom in the morning. So she walked over and climbed into the chair with her, stealing a bite of the treat in her hand and humming happily. “What’s Jamie makin’?”

“She told me what they were called but I forgot,” her mom replied with a chuckle and a shrug. “They’re delicious aren’t they?”

Ollie nodded, finishing off the rest of the treat with a smile before grabbing the mug her mom held out to her. “Hot chocolate?” she asked as she took a sip, tilting her head slightly. “It tastes like… cinnamon hot chocolate? And it’s thick…”

“She called that a long name too and then when I butchered the name she said I could call it atole.”

“It’s yummy,” Ollie decided, taking a bigger sip and licking her lips. “Mom, Jamie’s sad. I went into the kitchen and she was crying. Did you scare her into agreeing to a second Halloweeen by dressing up as Ghostface again?”

Serena chuckled. “Why do you automatically assume it’s me that made her cry?”

Ollie rolled her eyes. “Mom, we both know Jamie’s delicate. And we also both know that you’re… not.”

“I am offended, Olivia Margaret. Give me my atole back.”

Ollie grinned, holding the cup out of her mom’s reach as she finished off the drink before handing her the empty mug. “No, seriously… is she okay?”

Her mom made that face, that soft face that she made when she was thinking about Jamie. “She’s okay baby. Today is just a hard day for her,” her mom explained softly, running a hand through Ollie’s hair.

“Why?” Ollie asked, cuddling closer to her mom when she saw that she looked a little sad now too. “What happened?”

“Jamie’s grandfather died on Thanksgiving three years ago. She was very, very close to him and she misses him a lot. That’s why she’s listening to that music and making these for breakfast. She told me that these were his favorites and it was one of the last things she made for him.”

“Oh,” Ollie said, feeling really sad for Jamie. She had two grandpa’s now and she loved them so much. She couldn’t imagine something happening to one of them. “What can I do to help?” she asked. Jamie was always helping her when she was sad, making her her favorite food and playing video games with her, and now was her chance to help too.

Her mom was looking at her in that soft way that meant that koala cuddles were coming and before she could escape she was squished by her mom's hug. “Mom! I can’t breathe!” she giggled, trying to escape though she knew her mom was freakishly strong and she might as well just give up.

“You’re such a sweet kid Ollie Koalie,” her mom murmured, kissing her cheek before letting her go. “I think Jamie needs some of that sweetness, don’t you?”

Ollie nodded and stood, pulling her mom up from her chair and dragging her out of her office.

When they walked into the kitchen, Jamie wasn’t crying anymore but she was still singing and her eyes were puffy. She was pouring honey over the treats she’d made. “There are my girls,” she said softly, and Ollie watched as she looked away and wiped her face. “I, uh, I made more.”

Ollie walked over and hugged her tight, channeling some of her mom’s koala cuddle powers and not letting go until she felt Jamie hug her back. “I love you, mom,” she said, smiling up at her. Jamie smiled back, wiping her eyes with her sleeve before kissing her on the forehead and then ruffling her hair.

“I love you too, kid,” she replied softly. “Thanks, I needed that.”

“Alright Ollie, my turn,” her mom said, wrapping her arms around Jamie’s neck and cuddling her just like she had cuddled Ollie in her office. She smiled when she saw Jamie smile and cuddle into her and her mom said something that made Jamie laugh softly and shake her head.

“They’re called sopaipillas babe.”

“So-paw-pea-yas?” Ollie sounded out and Jamie smiled and nodded.

“Great job Ollie. Your pronunciation continues to surpass your mothers,” Jamie said, laughing again when her mom smacked her arm.

“Don’t make fun of me Jamieson.”

“What’s the drink called?” Ollie asked, walking over to look in the little clay pot that was on the stove. “Mom said it was atole but that you called it something else.”

“That’s called champurrado,” Jamie replied with a smile, walking over with a mug and pouring some of the thick hot chocolate into it before handing it to Ollie. “It.. it was my abuelito’s favorite hot drink, so it was one of the first things I learned how to make for him.”

Ollie hugged Jamie again when she saw her wipe her eyes. “I’m sorry about your abuelito mom,” she said. The music played softly in the background and she heard Jamie humming it as they sipped their drinks. “Did- did your abuelito like that song?”

Jamie smiled and nodded, taking a deep breath as she wiped her eyes again. “When I was little, he used to watch these really old black and white Mexican movies. There was this actor who was also a singer named Pedro Infante, and abuelito loved him. This song… Mi Cariñito, was a song that he always used to sing to me… it means ‘my sweet, little love’.”

Jamie paused, and Ollie gave her a minute. She could tell that she was trying not to cry. So she just stood next to her and waited, listening to the song.

“In the song,” Jamie explained softly, “he’s so thankful to have her in his life that he dedicates the song to her… and abuelito says that that was how he felt about me. So it’s… it’s our song.”

Ollie hugged Jamie again. “I understand your abuelito,” she said softly, smiling when Jamie looked a little confused. “I’m thankful to have you in my life too.”

“I feel the same way Ollie,” Jamie said softly, squeezing her just like her mom did. But Ollie didn’t mind that she kinda couldn’t breathe. Jamie smelled like cinnamon and sugar and her soap and she was smiling again and that’s all that mattered. She felt Jamie pull her mom into their hug and she cuddled into both of them.

“He would’ve loved you two. Just like I do.”

“He would’ve loved that my Spanish is better than mom’s,” Ollie teased, pulling away to grab another sopaipilla and munching on it happily.

“Show off,” her mom said, sticking out her tongue.

“Gringa,” Ollie teased back, smiling wide when Jamie laughed loudly.

“Yeah, he definitely would’ve loved you two.”

[chasing-posts]

Bakerix was an odd episode for me. Not bad but...conflicting for me personally.

I'm deeply concerned that Marinette's grandpa's "he mixes rice flour with the wheat" is code for racism against his daughter in law, basically him against his son marrying an asian woman. But at the same time... I heard Italian bakers/ old family recipes really can be that strict with the recipes! (I hear going to the wrong butcher and using the wrong cut of meat can be seen as blasphemous!) In all honesty, it's kind of a miracle he lives in France at all, since being an Italian baker, it sounds like it would be easier to get his recipes from Italy... but I get they want to have the episode take place.

That said the grandpa himself...kind of reminds me of my own Opa. Like, not the self isolation, and demands of tradition. But the accent, stubbornness, voice and some of the mannerisms just...sort of...bring me back to my own opa. Even his love for his grandkids brings me back... it's a weirdly nice/ personal touch XD;

But yeah as for everything else it's just... Marinette trying to win over her grandpa to make her dad's birthday special. And as a kid show concept, that's very sweet. (In reality, this is a process that should be done months in advanced and maybe slow interactions without her depending on Deceit to initially break into his house, but I'll let all that slide because we don't need that much realism for a 20 minute episode!!!).

I think the personality of the grandpa really won me over more than anything. He just feels so...familiar.

Also, there was a few really nice moments on chat Noir, from him helping Grandpa home, to him being the bread judge, but there was a moment between him and Chloe in this episode that I want to touch on.

In this episode, while he helps people get off a train that Akumatized-Grandpa is trying to destroy, Chloe stops and mentions Queen Bee could be a helping hand. (And really, Queen Bee WOULD be awesome in this. One sting and the rampage would stop and they could grab his flask and be done with it instantly. It would have been so quick XD). And Chat Noir respect fully turns her down, and thanks her for the offer. And they just nod and move along.

And that...is HUGE for a character like Chloe. For one, she OFFERED instead of demanded. She really does anything like that and it showed significant growth from who she once was. Next, when denied, she smiled and left quickly, keeping out of the way for Chat Noir and Ladybug to clean up without her. And forth, when Chat Noir turns her down and sends her off, he's using his Adrian voice. It's a small slip for him, but shows that at this time... he still sees her as his old best friend, and was happy to see her and her progress...

It almost makes me wanna cry because I know how this ends.. but at the same time, in this moment... it's nice to imagine what could have been. For the show, for them (as friends), and for the charization... I understand why so many people are mad with the future show's direction.

But yeah those are my thoughts for this episode. It's nice to see Marinette's complete family on her dad's side. Though it makes me wonder how grandma and grandpa could have EVER gotten together...

(Oh before I forget. There was this weird moment with Ladybuf and Chat Noir where he offers to help her out of a tree and they make a weird statement like "I don't need a man to help me" and I know they're just joking with each other but like... dude. You rescue him all the time. He saves your life. Why put this in the show at all?! The show does NOT need this statement at all! Anyway peace out!)

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

A dumb concept but hear me out.

Relating back to my post about how the four “rotten” kids didn’t deserve what happened to them, and what I said about the parents being the ones punished/harmed instead, I had some ideas.

First of all, Augustus nearly falls into the chocolate river but his mother rushes forwards to stop her son falling in, and she falls in instead, nearly drowning. Alternatively, we saw her putting candies into her bag, maybe she tries to get some of the chocolate river into a canteen/flask, who knows? She gets sucked up into the pipe instead, and Augustus watches in horror as the Oompa Loompas sing about how she’s encouraged her son’s gluttony, how he could meet a sticky end like her if he doesn’t change. As his mother is taken to the fudge room, Wonka sends an Oompa Loompa to get her out - but Augustus stays on with the tour. He noticeably doesn’t gorge himself as he did before.

In the inventing room, Wonka shows off the three course gum meal and Violet tries to grab it - however, she hesitates for a moment when he mentions how it’s not “quite right” yet. Her mother, however, snatches the gum from her, telling her “winners don’t hesitate, Violet”, before chewing away. Mrs Beauregarde then begins to swell up like a blueberry and has to be juiced. Violet is terrified that a stick of gum did that to her mother, and she listens as the Oompa Loompas sing about how bad chewing gum is, and about how she could end up the same way if she continues to be as competitive and like her mother. As her mother is rolled to the juicing room, Violet also stays on with the tour; no one sees her take her gum out of her mouth and toss it away.

The group goes to the nut sorting room, where Veruca sees the squirrels and decides she wants one. She goes to get one herself, only for the squirrels to leap at her; her father jumps the gate and races down to help her - suddenly the squirrels turn from Veruca and run to swarm him instead whilst she runs back up the stairs and clambers to get behind the gate once more. Everyone watches as the squirrels pronounce Mr Salt a bad egg and toss him straight down the chute; the Oompa Loompas sing about how her parents spoilt her, about how despite his money, he’s not anything more than garbage and that if she continues to act like a spoilt brat, Veruca will be as rotten as they are - rotten as the garbage. She stays on with the tour whilst Oompa Loompas are sent to retrieve her father from the garbage chute; she’s quieter and listens more as the tour goes on, not demanding a thing.

In the TV room, Mike is about to be teleported into the TV when his dad suddenly panics, runs and pushes him off the platform, taking his place himself as the lights flash a second later. Mike watches as his father nearly dies and comes out of the ordeal six inches tall; he hears the Oompa Loompas sing about how television rots the brain, hence why he tried to do something so stupid, and it humbles him a little bit. His dad is taken to the taffy puller to be stretched out, and Mike apologizes for calling Wonka an idiot as they go to continue.

Now Wonka realizes that the only ones remaining are the five kids and Grandpa Joe - and he grins as he announces that Charlie has won the special prize, that Charlie will receive the entire factory. Clearly, his grandparents and parents raised him to he not-so-rotten. The other kids are astounded but quiet, and congratulate Charlie - though they all seem a little down and different than when the tour started.

He leads the group down to the factory entrance - and there are the four parents. Mrs Gloop, covered in chocolate from head to toe, licking her lips and clearly trying to resist nibbling her fingers. Mrs Beauregarde, bright blue-purple and flexible. Mr Salt, reeking and covered in three weeks worth of garbage. Mr Teavee, eight or nine feet tall and as thin as paper. The kids are horrified by what they see - their parents are reflections of what they could become, what they could have become on the tour.

That’s when Wonka announces his proposition: the four kids have a choice. They can go home with their parents, and hope that their day in the factory has changed them, that their parents have learnt a lesson too, and that they’ll all hopefully be better people because of it - or they can stay at the factory, working under his and Charlie’s supervision and learning how to run a business together. He tells them that they’re good kids at heart, and that he’d be willing to take them on if they’re willing to make the effort, to change for the better.

None of them really know what to say, but they look at their parents - at how rotten they are, at how they could become their parents if they’re not careful - and they realize that no, they don’t want to be like their parents at all. It’s a crazy idea, yes, but as Wonka explains how each of their skills could be used and developed for good purposes, they realize that it’s better than what their parents have been raising them to be.

The parents are outraged but Wonka tells them not to worry - Charlie’s family will be living in the factory, and so the children won’t be alone with just one (kind of kooky creepy) adult male and hundreds of Oompa Loompas, because Charlie’s parents and grandparents will be there to take care of the kids and make sure they’re well looked after. Makes sense that the parents/guardians of the least rotten kid can help shape and form the other four to be better people, right? Besides, he adds, the kids are more than welcome to say no and go home with their parents.

The kids - including Charlie - decide to have a minute where they talk about this - their parents may suck, but this is still weird and a bit strange. Charlie tells them that he personally would not abandon his family, not for all the chocolate in the world - but then, he admits, his parents and grandparents are good and honest people who love and care about him, and that while they’ve never been able to afford lavish gifts or even more than one chocolate bar a year for him on his birthday, he’s always been happy because he loves his family and is content that they love him too. The other four realize that they can’t exactly say the same about their own parents - their parents have been neglectful, for the most part, and never encouraged them to pursue new skills or change their dangerous habits.

Having said that, despite the fact their parents are terrible parents, the children don’t think they can just abandon their parents completely - despite it all, the children do hold some love for their families. With that in mind, they make a deal with their parents and Mr Wonka: yes, they would very much like to live in the factory and work with Charlie, and develop new skills - but they don’t want to abandon their parents completely. They ask that their parents be allowed to live near to the factory and that they can see them as often as they like - they would ask if their families can come live in the factory too, but they don’t think a) their parents would want that, given what they’ve gone through, and b) Wonka would want these rotten adults living in his factory with his workers and potentially causing harm/problems with his candy.

It’s kind of pretty useful that Charlie’s family is about to move into the factory - Wonka, with their permission, decides he’s going to use it to make a building/area for the other four children’s families to live in. Not that the parents are thrilled by the idea at all - the Salt family has a whole nut business AND a massive estate in England, why would they give that up? Augustus’ family is from Germany and they have a meat/butcher business set up there, are they supposed to just drop it and move to this strange place?

Things do eventually work out though, and an agreement/deal is made...

Augustus becomes the taste tester for new candies, and he offers up some of his own ideas, as well as some of his own critiques or comments on each idea that Wonka and Charlie present to him. He decides to he healthier, however, and he learns to control himself instead of eating everything in sight - he enjoys things in moderation. As an added bonus, running around the factory as well as healthier eating means he sheds some weight too. His parents manage to set up a butcher business in the town, though it takes a while for them to get used to the way things are and to earn respect/customers; Augustus still visits them regularly, and they have family dinners at least once a week, sometimes with the other Golden Ticket winners joining them.

Violet uses her competitive nature to help with advertising and marketing Wonka products - her competitive nature makes her want to make sure that Wonka candy is the best and number one most bought candy in the whole world. Sales are constantly booming because of her and her marketing techniques - Wonka candy has truly never been so popular, which really says something. Her mother is still blue and flexible, but Violet visits her and soon Mrs Beauregarde learns to be proud of her daughter and what she’s achieving instead of trying to push her to be a mini version of herself.

Mike is somewhat of an expert when it comes to television, and he’s incredibly smart. He’s in charge of helping in the television room (running experiments on different candies to test the boundaries of teleporting food to television sets, etc), helping in the inventing room, and in making sure all of the machines are running properly in each room of the factory. He knows the technical stuff, the physics of how everything should work, but he also becomes a little more open minded about things because clearly Wonka’s factory defies all laws of physics a lot of the time, so he learns how much of it applies to Wonka’s factory and what doesn’t, which helps him understand the machines/science behind the work they’re doing. Given what happened to Mr Teavee, the family do move to be closer to the factory - after all, it kind of makes it difficult for the kids he teaches Geography to in high school to take him seriously when he’s...well, the way he is now. They move Mike’s video games into a television room of the factory - but he plays far less than he used to, and watches less television than he did before. His parents notice that he’s less angry, though still incredibly intelligent and full of snark - they still don’t understand what he’s talking about most of the time, but he’s more pleasant to be around and talk to; he’s more excited and eager to share information rather than snapping or looking down on people.

Veruca is arguably one of the most important people in the team. Veruca is heiress to the Salt Nut business, and so she organizes a merger between Wonka and her father for the factory to start using nuts from the Salt business in their candies. Mr Salt’s Factory continues to use human workers, and they shell nuts just as they did before, selling them as they are; Wonka’s factory uses squirrels of course, and the nuts are used in candy. Other than this, Veruca starts to learn business skills from both her father and Willy Wonka, and she’s in charge of handling the factory’s finances, such as budgeting, keeping accounts of investments and incomes, and making sure that the factory has the money for Wonka and Charlie to pursue their new ideas. Her father and mother aren’t exactly keen, however, on moving into the town and into that apartment Wonka has built for the families of the other winners - they enjoy their lavish lifestyle too much. Her father comes every weekend or so for a stay, and her mother once a month - surprisingly, it doesn’t bother her that much after a while, because she’s always known deep down that her parents have never been sure on how to love her properly. Her pets are back on the estate, with her parents, which she visits for a rare holiday from time to time - perhaps she even brings one or two with her back to the factory, on the condition that they remain on the top floor where the children’s bedrooms are, and they go nowhere near any food production areas.

Charlie, of course, is Willy Wonka’s heir and becomes his protégé, a chocolatier in the making. He has much to learn but he’s always eager and enthusiastic even if they’re having a slow day with hardly any ideas or breakthroughs. He’s working with Wonka, someone he idolizes/looks up to, and they develop a wonderful working relationship; Charlie looks up to his mentor, and Willy Wonka actually learns stuff from Charlie too. Charlie’s happy because his family are all living in the factory with him, and he knows this is where he’s meant to be. Life is good and he doesn’t take it for granted. 

The kids actually all become friends, and it’s nice because none of them have actually had real friends before; Augustus was bullied for his size, Violet’s competitiveness drove others away and she was “too busy” for friends, Veruca didn’t have real friends but rather people who hung onto her and tried to get close to her due to her money, Mike was always too busy watching TV or playing games to bother with friends, and Charlie was somewhat of an outcast due to the fact his family was poor and he had secondhand/“poor” clothes. Working together leads them all to becoming friends.

The Bucket family - who have always struggled to feed the seven in their family - now has enough food for them all and more. They happily invite the children and Willy Wonka to dinner with them every single night, and it becomes a normal part of the evening; the five children happily chatting and laughing, just being kids, the adults chuckling with them, all of them eating until they can’t anymore. Augustus, Violet, Veruca and Mike see what a real family can be, and soon they feel like they’re part of the Bucket family themselves. The other parents are even invited to dinner with the Buckets on special occasions, and - with the exception of the Salts - everyone usually takes up their offer. Eventually though, the Salt parents do slowly start to come around - for Veruca’s sake more than anything else. They still see themselves as better than the others, and they’re kind of stiff towards the other parents/adults, but they agree to dinners on special occasions since it means they’ll get to see their daughter. 

To be honest, the kids are all really happy with life nowadays; they’re happy because they’re all friends and they’re all a part of something special - they’ve all truly changed for the better. The friendship between these five lucky kids is sure to be one that lasts a lifetime.

Life has never been better or sweeter.

[auroralightsthesky]

Windtalker (Manny x OC

Summary: Being a nurse on Guadalcanal is no easy task. Try being the nurse on the frontlines with a skill no one but your boyfriend and your close group of friends knows about. 

Every pounding round of artillery that thundered into the ground in the distance made Tess shudder. She hated it.......really.......really......fucking hated it.��

God is it ever gonna stop.....? she wondered. 

In the distance the flashing looked like lightning, just like the storms that swept over the Yazzie land back in Arizona during the hot months. She remembered the first time she ever saw one, lying awake at night in her grandparents’ hogan while Sam, Dean, Joe and Patrick snored the night away, and being the only one to be awoken by a blinding light and a crash of thunder.....but no rain. 

Inside the medical tent, it reeked of humidity, blood and the strong odor of infected wounds, but John, JP and Manny didn’t seem to be affected by it. In fact, they were probably used to it by now with how often they came in here. 

“You doin ok Tessie?” Manny asked her as one of the nurses handed him a mug of steaming hot black coffee. 

“It’s so creepy,” she said. “It’s like the storms back on Grandma and Grandpa’s land. Thunder and lightning but no rain.” 

Manny peered out the tent flap and saw that she was right. The creepiness of it all was enough to make him shudder, the flashes, the boom.....but no downpour. He almost wished that had been the case. Maybe then the Navy would quit firing for a while and let the Japs get washed away in the storm. 

“Oh God,” Tess said, gagging a little as the stench of the hospital tent clung to the back of her throat. “John do you know where my bag is?” 

“Yeah why?” John asked. 

“There should be a stick in there along with a shell,” Tess explained. “If you give that to me, do you think I can borrow your lighter?” 

“Whatever you need hon, it’s all good by me,” John told her. 

He found Tess’s bag a minute later, pulling out the crude looking stick of dried green leaves that had been tied together with butcher’s twine. “Is this it?” he asked. 

“That’s it.” 

John handed her the shell and the stick before letting her use his cigarette lighter. She hadn’t even lit the end when Chesty made his presence known, grimacing at the terrible smells that wafted through the hospital tent. 

“Good Lord it reeks like the Scutari Barracks in here,” he remarked. “Tessie honey, if ya’ll have something to get rid of this reek I highly suggest you use it.” 

“Will do sir,” Tess replied, lighting the end of the stick. 

The stick burned for a moment, the flame glowing bright orange with little tufts of black before Tess blew it out. Dirty white smoke trailed into the air, bringing with it a deep and earthy scent that drowned out the foul stenches from before. 

“How are we looking sir?” John asked. “I mean as far as positions go?” 

“Not too bad Johnny,” Chesty replied. “Though I worry. That artillery from the Japs is hitting a little too close to home.” 

“How close?” Manny asked. 

“Well,” Chesty said. “Inouye and Sasigawa from Baker Company say that they’re about a mile and a half out. Still hits a little too close to home if you ask me.” 

“Do you think we’ll have to move?” Tess asked. 

“Most likely,” Chesty said. “Problem is, is that we have no way to get from point A to point B without the Japs figuring out our moves. Moving a whole hospital is gonna be an absolute bitch if we ever attempt it.” 

Manny and Tess locked gazes for a moment, one readily able to tell what the other was thinking. “Sir?” Tess said. “If I might, I think I know some people who can help us.” 

“Oh?” 

“Is the radio tent still operable this late at night?” 

“Yes why?”

“Leave it to me,” Tess said. “I’ll have a way back to HQ in no time.” 

                                             *********

John, JP, Manny and Chesty all followed Tess back to the radio tent, the space lit by a single lightbulb with an empty space in the back corner. It took Tess a minute or two to fiddle with the radio, but once she had a signal, they were ready to go. 

“You doin what I think you’re doin?” Manny asked with a sly grin. 

“Don’t you know it,” Tess answered. 

Manny gave her a quick peck on the cheek before handing her a pencil and a piece of paper. “Go get’em baby,” he said proudly. 

“Don’t go anywhere though,” Tess said to him. “I might need you guys to be my eyes since I’ve got talking to do.” 

“You got it doll,” JP said, giving her the thumbs up. 

Tess listened through the endless river of radio static until she heard the voices that she knew too well from growing up. 

“Giha, giha!

Ta-A-Tah.....Da-Az-Jah......Dibeh, Ah-Nah, A-Chin, Lha-Cha-Eh, Eda-Ele-Tsood.....” 

“How many do we have out there?” John asked. 

“Roughly four thousand by the way that artillery’s pounding at the line,” Chesty said, peering through his field binoculars. “Looks like they’re closing in quick. Let her know.” 

John glanced at Tess but all she gave him was a thumbs up, before she spoke again.

“Dzeh, Tsah, Ah-Jah, Na-As-Tso-Si, Tsah-As-Zhi.......Ul-Chi-Uh-Nal-Yah.....A-Woh, Ne-Ahs-Jah.....Tlo-Chin, No-Da-Ih, Dah-Nes-Tsa......Bilh-Has-Ahn

A-Zey-Al-Ih....Seis.....Jo-Kayed-Goh......Ho-Nez-Cla....Ha-Na....

Be-Tas-Tni, A-Kha, A-Keh-Di-Glini, Dzeh, Shil-Loh” 

Tess quickly translated the response, the pencil in her hand furiously translating every word as carefully and accurately as possible before she whipped the headset off and hung it on the radio hook. 

“How soon honey?” Chesty asked her. 

“Thirty minutes tops,” Tess said. “Seabees down on the shore are sending their convoys to help move the wounded to a safer position.” 

“Any word on reinforcements?” 

“They didn’t say,” Tess added. “At least as far as I could tell.” 

“Well, we’re going to need all the help we can get,” Chesty concluded. “We’d better get the lead out. You boys can help too, lets go.” 

They made their way back to the hospital tent and began loading up the wounded, carefully placing them onto the stretchers and making sure that those who were suffering from malaria or other diseases, were covered over with blankets. A cool breeze blew down the hills and with it, the smell of gunpowder. 

“Shit,” Tess hissed. 

“What’s up baby?” Manny asked as they finished loading a badly wounded soldier. 

“My sage stick,” Tess replied. “It’s still burning on one of the tables.” 

“You go,” Manny told her. “I’ve got this.” 

Tess doubled back into the tent and dipped the end of the sage stick into a basin of freshly distilled water, flicking the stick all around the tent until the end of the bundle had dried. She emptied the shell of the ashes, wrapped it in a clean drop cloth and stuck the shell and the stick right back into her medicine bag before hurrying away to help.

“That’s the last of’em,” JP announced. “Let’s move it on outta here!” 

Manny helped Tess right into the back of the truck, grabbing hold of her outstretched hands and hoisting her up before they drove away. The spot grew smaller and smaller as they drove away, the crude, wooden posts being the only thing left behind in the dark. 

The entire time they were on the road, Manny and Tess tended to the wounded, doing their best to ease any pain or discomfort with what little they had. Most of the time the soldiers didn’t even want medicine. Half the time, hearing Tess sing or even speaking in her native tongue was enough.

It was an hour and a half before they reached Company HQ, exhausted and burned out from the long hours of work. Manny and Tess headed to their own tent, collapsing into the cot from the weight of their own tiredness. 

“Good God, never again,” Tess mumbled as Manny snaked his arm around her waist. 

“Get some sleep mi querida,” Manny yawned. “I’ll wake you when the sun’s up.” 

Both of them completely gave in to exhaustion, lying limp against each other in a deep and dreamless sleep. After all they had been through that day, this was a much needed respite. 

(Ight so I know if I do any more fics involving Tess, I know I’m gonna have to provide translations for half the shit she says, so here goes: Attention, Attention All units send aid Enemy close to our position Hospital is requesting emergency evacuation Move quick)

[votederpycausemufins]

oh hey it’s 2 am, here’s a chapter. Hope it’s not too short. i’m gonna sleep

@petrichormeraki​

Mumbo offered to help take off Philza’s house arrest boots, but they found that they were actually quite easy to remove. Since it was the furthest away, they decided going to Techno’s base would be the best to stay out, though there were some complications due to rain and Wilbur not doing well together.

While Mumbo would have loved input from Techno, the piglin hybrid was only around for brief periods of time, trying to mess with the compass that signalled his direction. Still, the hardcore player had good insight into more combat related plans.

Eyes widened when Mumbo placed down the shulker box that held his redstone tools. To try and keep Tommy from taking it, he had to give one of his shulkers that just had wood in it to the young blond. When Tommy tried to hide it in his ender chest, he actually jumped back in surprise. “What the fuck?! Where’d all these diamonds and emeralds come from?! And I’ve got more?!” He pulled out a shulker box from the chest.

“Oh good, you’ve still got all your items from Hermitcraft. That’ll hopefully make things much easier.” Mumbo took his log box back from Tommy now that he had his own. “I’m not sure what all you have, but I’m sure anything will be helpful right now.”

“What the fuck! I have a block of netherite in here?!”

Grian decided he was not actually dead. At least he was pretty sure that wasn’t the case. He had been here for a while and learned a few things. While there was some sort of ground, he could pick up both his legs without falling and just sort of floated there. Waving his arms and legs didn’t seem to help him move. Or maybe it did, he wasn’t sure since everything looked the same. And after trying to do that for quite a while, Grian felt tired.

Feeling tired assured Grian, and he was fairly certain that being dead meant you couldn’t get tired. He couldn’t be sure though. It hadn’t come up in his questions for Wilbur when he was catching up with his family. He was also worried about getting hungry too, but at least that didn’t seem to be a concern.

Grian was trying to think of things to distract himself with. He had already tried just about every idea he came up with for trying to get out with no luck. He had tested gravity a little too much and felt like throwing up when he had tried doing a flip in the air, only for gravity to shift with him instead of staying stationary. Fortunately he could also sit instead of just stand or float.

He had tried checking if he had any items on his person, but other than his clothes, Grian had nothing. That was a shame as his next idea was to try building something so he had something to focus on other than his hands or legs. Staring into the vast white void had become old, quick and disorienting.

So, being unable to do much else, Grian simply closed his eyes and started to imagine a build. He started to mentally work on a nice little cottage, a nearby pen to fill with chickens. Perfect to collect eggs to throw at his friends. Then he started imagining what he could add onto his mansion. Maybe with his family in the picture again, he could add in rooms for each of them. He had already thought of adding a place for Tommy.

When he hopefully saw them next, he would need to ask what they all wanted. It seemed Wilbur’s favorite color was still blue, so a room with blue accents would do well for him. Techno likely wouldn’t have stopped loving yellow and gold seeing as he was a piglin hybrid and all that. But in checking in on his family, he had made a nice wood house, so possibly it could be a much more standard room.

Tommy’s room would likely take after his tower. He had been so proud when he had started building it and the other Hermits voiced their approval. Grian chuckled. He asked how tall it was going to be and Tommy put his hands on his hips and said-

“All the way up to build height! I’ll make sure I can barely see the ground below. I can get all the way to the top and jump off to fly wherever I want without a rocket or anything!”

Grian’s eyes shot open at Tommy’s voice and found the white expanse replaced with a familiar scene. He was back in hermitcraft and standing next to Tommy and himself.

“You sure? It might be cool, but would take a long time to put it all together. I mean, how long did it take to build these floors?”

“Uh…” Tommy rubbed the back of his head. “Okay maybe I won’t go all the way to build height.”

Grian tried walking and found he actually moved around. “Is this… what is this?” He wasn’t quite sure. “I mean, at least it’s better than literally nothing.” He sat down and just watched the scene play out, it going just how he remembered.

Techno came back to the cabin to rest. He had been all over the place and had even pushed himself a little more just to get back, so the first thing he did was crash onto his bed to rest. Philza stopped helping Mumbo to keep watch, but if Mumbo was completely honest, he wouldn’t mind more people showing up if they could help them as well.

Ghostbur had wandered off to who knows where and Tommy was messing with the items he had found in his ender chest, leaving Mumbo working on his own. Without much of an idea on where to look for Grian, currently the idea was to work on prepping. Potions of invisibility and full netherite gear would be good, so the nether was going to be a must. 

Since grinding for TNT was a bit harder with a lack of farms and shops, beds were crafted and slowly filled up chests. Using the room Tommy had dug out beneath the house, Mumbo created a bit of a bunker to put all their prepared gear. He tried not to think of the time he had to help Grian coax a terrified looking Tommy out of one he had created.

Shouts suddenly came from outside and Mumbo quickly left the bunker through the outside exit. He saw Philza confronted by four people, two of which Mumbo recognized, though their attire was different.

“You’re supposed to be under house arrest! You can’t just defy the president like that!”

“Well you didn’t really do much to keep me in there.”

“We’ll make sure that you can’t take the boots off this time.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“Please can you listen? You’re my grandpa!”

“And Techno is my son.”

Mumbo walked over, not as cautious with none of the visitors currently wearing armor. “Excuse me, may I ask why you’re here?”

The four people turned to face Mumbo. He frowned at the face that they too also sported magenta eyes. “Who are you?” One of them in a suit that resembled Mumbo’s own spoke.

“Um, the name is Mumbo. I’m a friend of Iskall. I believe at least one of you knows him.” He frowned as none of them, not even Fundy seemed to recognize the name. It seemed it was worse than he thought. “Oh dear, well, I’m sure you have a very good reason for being here, but you really shouldn’t.”

“Are you trying to defend Techno?” One of them spoke. Mumbo didn’t know who they were either. “He destroyed L’Manburg and needs to pay for that.”

The door to the cabin slammed open. “We’ve got more important stuff to do than that!” Tommy shouted and Tubbo was the first to look over.

“T-Tommy?”

“Hey Big T.”

It took a bit of explaining, but the butchers, as they were calling themselves, agreed to help out, mainly at Tommy’s pleading. Mumbo explained more of his plan, which Tommy seemed grateful for. Tubbo kept trying to get their friend’s attention, But Tommy couldn’t look back, refusing to meet their eyes. 

Neither he nor Mumbo knew why everyone’s eyes were like that. Mumbo had assumed that was why no one could remember anything, but if that were the case, then why could Tommy still not recall any of the past few years now that whatever magic - at least, the assumption was the color was due to magic - was gone.

Tubbo seemed to think that Tommy was still upset about the exile even though the blond kept insisting that wasn’t it. So Mumbo tried to reassure Tubbo. “Hey, he’s dealing with the fact that he was living with someone you were coming to attack and that’s why he’s seeing you again, along with knowing he’s lost many memories and learning he’s got a brother trapped by Dream. It’s perfectly fine that he’s feeling a bit put off right now.”

Tubbo reluctantly agreed, Which Mumbo was glad for, allowing them to continue working on their plan. And then that was when Ghostbur walked in.

“Hey Techno. I didn’t know you had any neighbors. Do you think they’ll help?”

Techno, who was still trying to rest a bit, sat up. “What do you mean neighbors?”

“Well there’s a place nearby. Oh, but there’s a sign on it saying no trespassers, especially you, so maybe we can’t talk to them.”

“Wilbur, do you think you could go back there and look around, telling us what you see?” Philza asked his ghost son, who was happy to help as he left again.

Grian had decided he would much rather be dead. This place showed him memories of whatever he started to think of. It had been fine at first, but then one thing led him into a spiral of bad memories. Even though it wasn’t real, right now he was hiding along with his memory copy, trying to hold his breath and not cry too loudly to let Yuki know where he was. The suit his copy was wearing was full of cuts from the girl’s knife and even though he didn’t have any of the injuries, he could remember the pain.

He tried hard to think of something different, something better. He looked around hoping something would give him an idea, but it just made him worry that Yuki could be there. He looked down at his shaking hands and saw the band of metal on them and finally, a new memory, a better one, crossed his mind.

Instead of hiding from a crazed girl, now he was in his mansion, Jrumbot following him around. 

“Please! Please dad I won’t even sell it to you! Just let me show you!”

The memory Grian sighed and looked at his son. “Oh all right. What do you have?”

“Well, Uncle Iskall was telling me some things and made some joke which left me confused, and that’s because you and daddy are my dads.”

“That we are.”

“And apparently dads are supposed to get married?”

“Well, we don’t have to get married. There are some worlds that do that, and your daddy and I do like each other a lot. But we have you, we don’t need to get married.”

“But, well, Iskall told me that people who love each other a lot and get married have rings to show other people that they love each other that much and I want to make sure everyone knows that you’re my dads.”

Grian smiled as the memory Jrumbot gave his memory version a little ring made out of a gold nugget. It was a bit rough, but gold was pliable enough and Jrumbot was a strong robot, so it was okay.

“Alright, well if you made it, I can wear it for you. That means that it doesn’t just show how much I love your daddy, but how much I love you and Grumbot too.”

Grian smiled once more and looked at his own ring. He happily shined it against his sweater before admiring it. It reflected his face back to him and- Grian froze. Magenta eyes looked back up at him instead of his hazel ones.

ooo colors colors colors, what could they mean?

[refinedbuffoonery]

Flawless (2)

masterlist.

Content Warning: swearing, violence, sex, PTSD

I’m really proud of this chapter. It’s some of my best work, maybe ever. Also, in case you missed, this fic will be updated every Sunday, so check back in next weekend for chapter three! 

*****

“So,” Riley began as she dropped her arm-load of overflowing paper grocery bags on her slate gray granite kitchen counter. Mercifully, the feds hadn’t connected Riley to any of her aliases after her arrest, so her overpriced Santa Monica penthouse apartment was exactly as she left it. 

Well, not exactly the same. After Riley’s arrest, Nikki had thrown out all her food and hung up the laundry Riley had left in a pile on her bedroom floor. She’d also paid Riley’s bills, which led to a whole argument in the grocery store that Riley knew they’d be rehashing later. 

“If Leanna’s out, then we need a new member,” Riley said. “Otherwise we’ll have to rename the team ‘Four Eyes,’ and I’m not about to do that.” 

Nikki snickered, haphazardly unloading groceries into the fridge. “Why not? You’re a nerd. It’s fitting.” 

“Bold words for the only one of us who wears glasses.” 

“They’re blue light glasses, you asshole. My vision is just fine.” 

Riley gave her a shit-eating grin. Whatever you say. 

Putting the groceries away took forever; Riley bought way more food than any one person needed. She couldn’t wipe Nikki’s disapproving face from her mind—the one that accompanied comments about Riley being too skinny. Nikki was just looking out for her, she knew, but that didn’t make Riley hate the scrutiny any less. 

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Riley asked, “Do you have anyone in mind?” To replace Leanna, she didn’t need to say. Nikki chewed her lower lip nervously. “Who is it, Nik?” 

“It’s a long shot, but this girl I work with. Jill Morgan.” 

Riley frowned. “We don’t need a third techie.” 

“She’s not that.” Riley raised an eyebrow. “I mean, she is, but Jill is nothing compared to you or me,” Nikki quickly corrected. “Before she got the IT job, Jill worked for LAPD as a forensic analyst.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“Apparently she is one of the best in all of SoCal, but LAPD fired her after someone caught her using evidence from a closed case to conduct research for the crime novel she’s writing. No police department would touch her after that, so she managed to swing the IT job in the most bullshit interview I’ve ever sat in on.” Nikki crossed her arms. “Jill obviously didn’t know how to do half the things she said she did, but she managed to convince our boss otherwise.” 

“And let me guess.” Riley leaned on the counter. “You were so impressed with her ability to lie that you took her under your wing and taught her everything you know.” 

Nikki grimaced. “Yeah.” 

Barely stifling a snort, Riley said, “You never could resist a liar.” A low blow, considering the fate of her most recent relationship, but Nikki laughed it off. 

“Want to meet her?” 

Riley wasn’t sure this Jill girl would fill Leanna’s shoes, but if Nikki thought she had potential, then Riley had to give her the benefit of the doubt. For now, at least. 

“Sure. I just have something I need to do first.” 

*****

To his credit, the man standing before her wasn’t a coward, but Riley didn’t miss the slight tremor in his voice or the way he flinched every time she moved. He was short—she had a couple inches on him in her high-heeled boots—and dressed like a Hollywood film industry wannabe. Judging by the film equipment stashed in the adjacent living room, he was one. 

“Remind me of your name again,” Riley purred, leaning against the kitchen counter. Cleaning non-existent dirt from under her nails with a butcher knife, she looked like a female James Bond villain, with her sleek high-ponytail and dressed in black leather leggings and a tight, black tank top. 

The man had been busy cooking dinner when she’d broken into the house, and Riley delighted in the way he cowered against the sink, brandishing a vegetable peeler as if he thought he could actually land a hit on her. 

The old Riley would’ve worried about the man trying to attack her in some shoddy attempt at self-defense. The new Riley simply gave him an icy, feline smile to remind him of his place. 

Maybe prison had been good for something after all. 

She kept toying with the man, knowing full well what his name was. “Brian?” she mused. “Boxer?” 

“Bozer,” the man said through gritted teeth. He had a white-knuckled grip on the sink’s edge, and Riley did her best not to sneer at the alcohol label stickers covering the stainless steel—perhaps the only decor choice trashier than the empty bottles lining the windowsill like a frat house. How Leanna could stand to date a man whose house looked like he majored in partying was beyond Riley. She certainly wouldn’t. 

“Right,” she said. 

Riley hadn’t expected Leanna to still live in LA after remaking her identity, and she was correct. According to her classified CIA file, Leanna had a nice apartment in Virginia, with a short twenty minute commute to Langley every day. Imagine Riley’s surprise when the file also disclosed Leanna had a long-distance boyfriend, right here in LA. 

What Riley still didn’t understand was how a millennial could afford a house in the Hollywood Hills, but that was beside the point. 

A little more digging through the CIA’s heavily encrypted files revealed orders sending Leanna to the City of Angels for two weeks to assist another agency. The orders failed to mention which one. 

So, Riley waited for her friend, terrifying her clueless boyfriend to pass the time. 

“What are you making?” 

Bozer glared at her, pressing his full lips together. He was attractive enough, although he wasn’t Riley’s type. He seemed a little too domestic for her taste. 

She chastised, “There’s no need to look at me like that, Bozer. I don’t bite.” 

“Says the woman holding a freshly-sharpened knife.” 

Riley examined the blade, gently brushing her thumb over it to confirm Bozer’s statement. “A sharp knife is a good thing, actually. Sharp knives make clean cuts.” Bozer’s throat bobbed under the intensity of her gaze. “It’s the dull ones you have to worry about.” 

Before she could torment him any more, Riley heard the unmistakable sound of tumblers rolling over and the front door opening. A familiar voice called out, “Baby, I’m home!” Riley set the knife down and turned to greet her friend. 

She noticed the physical changes immediately. Leanna’s hair was a lighter shade of brown than before. She had bangs now. Her posture was stiffer, more uptight, and Riley could just see hints of well-defined muscle beneath her friend’s navy pantsuit. 

Upon seeing Riley, Leanna stopped dead in her tracks, eyes blown wide in surprise. “What are you doing here?” It sounded more like a threat than a question. 

“No ‘Hi’? ‘How are you?’ ‘I missed you’?” Riley placed her hand on her chest in mock offense. 

“You—” Leanna started. Her eyes flicked to her boyfriend, then back to Riley. He doesn’t know anything, the look said. “Let’s talk outside.” Without another word, Leanna gripped Riley’s elbow and led her through the back door. 

The balmy night air smelled like jasmine and rotted oranges, and crickets harmonized above the distant hum of freeway traffic. Instead of having a backyard, a multi-level wooden deck spanned the entire backside of the house. Beyond the deck lay a wall of bushes and a sweeping view of downtown. Again, Riley thought there was no way a millennial could afford a house like this. Unless...was there more to Leanna’s boyfriend than met the eye? 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Leanna said, leaning on the railing. Riley tried to catch her gaze to no avail. Leanna’s eyes were firmly on the city lights to the south. “Bozer is a normal guy. Harmless. The house belongs to his roommate, and the mortgage was paid off long ago when his roommate’s grandpa lived in it.” 

The lingering hope that Leanna might not be as clean as Nikki suggested dwindled by the minute. Riley gave up on trying to meet her eye. 

“How long have you been out?” 

“Two days.” 

“That’s...good.” 

Riley hated how awkward this was. Once, Leanna had been her closest confidant. Now she couldn’t feel farther away. 

“Did you enjoy terrorizing my boyfriend?” Leanna asked, mercifully lightening the mood. A small smile curved Riley’s lips. 

“I started cleaning my nails with a knife so I’d look more intimidating, and he nearly shit his pants.” 

Genuine laughter bubbled from Leanna’s throat. It was infectious, and within seconds Riley giggled too. It was almost enough to make her forget why she was here in the first place. 

Almost. 

Riley decided to just bite the bullet and get it over with. She spoke in a low, tentative voice. “Why’d you leave, Leanna?” Riley watched Leanna’s chest expand and collapse as she sighed deeply. She waited, giving Leanna time to think through her answer. 

After a long pause, her friend finally said, “You, actually.” 

“Me?” 

“Watching that was one of the worst moments of my life.” Leanna kept her wording vague, in case her boyfriend was listening, but Riley didn’t need to ask what the ‘that’ referred to. That haunted Riley’s every waking moment for the last two years. “I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Not when that was the cost.” 

Riley furrowed her brow, not quite believing. “And yet your current job is better?” 

Leanna laughed bitterly. “You got me there.” She ducked her head. “In all honesty though, it is different. I’m not close to my coworkers like I was to you.” 

Was. Past tense. Riley frowned at the implications of that. 

“You could come back, you know.” 

Leanna scoffed. “Let me guess, Nikki found someone to replace me because you cooked up a new job, and now you’re here to drag me back just so you don’t have to deal with a weak link. Sound about right?” Riley pressed her lips into a thin line, refusing to dignify that with a response. “I’m done with that part of my life, Riley. And you should be too.” 

“Agree to disagree.” Just like that, the last flickering bit of hope inside Riley was extinguished. “It was nice to see you again, Leanna,” she said softly. “I’ll show myself out.” 

She made it as far as the stairs leading down into the house when Leanna called out, “Where?” 

Riley offered her friend a sad smile. “Paris. Just like we always talked about.”

*****

The next day, Riley met Nikki and their new recruit for lunch at one of the sketchiest taco shops LA had to offer. They were already there when Riley arrived, standing in line to order and looking incredibly out of place in their nice business clothes. Nikki and the new girl were about the same height, and both wore their blonde hair in loose waves, but the new girl had wider hips and her shoulders caved in slightly, as if she were trying to make herself smaller. 

Riley silently walked up behind them, grinning. “How’s it going?” The new girl jumped, glasses sliding down her nose. Nikki smirked, unfazed. 

In fact, she didn’t even bother taking her eyes off the ridiculously extensive menu as she chastised, “Play nice, Riles.” 

Even though Nikki couldn’t see her, Riley rolled her eyes anyway. “You’re no fun.” 

The new girl watched Riley with apprehension. Jill. Her name was Jill. 

Riley extended a hand. “I’m Riley.” 

“Jill,” she squeaked. Her grip was feather-light as they shook hands. She’s shy, Riley noted. Shy wasn’t a good trait in a criminal. 

Neither was jumping to conclusions, however. Riley had promised to give Jill a fair shot, and that meant taking time to get to know her. 

Riley let the blondes go first before ordering a California burrito for herself. There were only two booths—every good taco place was the size of a broom closet, after all—and Nikki led them to the one further from the entrance. She and Jill sat on one side, while Riley slid into the other, her back to the door. Riley couldn’t remember a time she and Nikki didn’t do that—sitting on opposite sides of the table, one facing each exit, just in case. 

She doubted anyone would come after them in a dingy taco shop, but slipping into old habits brought a calming sense of normalcy Riley loathed to admit she needed. 

“So,” Riley addressed Jill directly. “Did Nikki fill you in on what we do?” 

“A bit, yes.” Jill’s eyes flicked around the room warily. Riley wished Leanna or Cage were there to psychoanalyze her. Jill was clearly nervous, but she didn’t seem afraid. Confidence Riley could teach. What Jill needed to prove was that she could hold her own against some of the biggest egos in the Western Hemisphere. 

Present company definitely included. 

“Good,” Riley said. “I want to be very clear on something. We are not Robin Hood. We do it for the adrenaline and the money.” Riley’s gaze flicked to the thousand-dollar watch on Nikki’s left wrist. “Although, none of us need the money anymore.” 

“Then why don’t you get your adrenaline fix somewhere else?” Jill questioned bravely. “Maybe pick up skydiving.” There it was—the spark Riley was looking for. 

“We all have our own deeper, more personal reasons. But me?” Riley leaned closer. “I do it just to see if I can.” 

“One day, you’re going to be caught. You know that right?” 

Riley’s stomach dropped. It seemed Nikki had left out some key information. Riley forced herself to grin as she said, “Maybe, but that day isn’t today.” The cashier called out their order number, and Riley retrieved their food before launching into her interrogation. “What I need to know now is what you can do for me.” She consumed her burrito in classless, ravenous bites, uncaring what Jill thought of her table manners. Each bite tasted like heaven. 

Jill’s eyebrow twitched, that spark flaring up again. “How would you like to never leave a fingerprint ever again?” She casually bit into her taco. 

“And how would I do that?” Riley probed. Nikki’s attention flicked between the two, observing, listening. 

Not even bothering to swallow her food first, Jill said, “I’ve met plenty of your type before—” Riley took note of her careful use of innuendo— “and I’m not dumb enough to give away that kind of information for free. If you want it that badly, you’ll pay me.” 

Riley pocketed that key detail for later. “Out of curiosity, what would you use the money for?” 

“Paying off my student loans.” 

Riley nodded. She’d never gone to college, but she had the utmost respect for anyone who drowned themselves in debt for the sake of an education. In addition to that, Jill was smart, not easily swindled, and responsible—all traits Riley was looking for. 

The bell tied to the restaurant door jingled when it opened, letting in a hot gust of summer air. Two men entered; one was about Riley’s age, with blonde surfer hair. The other was older—fifty maybe—and he scanned the room the same way she’d seen Desi do a million times, but it was the blonde one Riley focused on as he froze, eyes locking on the women. 

More specifically, on Nikki. 

“Time to go,” Nikki warned. She shoved Jill out of her seat and dragged her toward the back door. In their haste, Nikki and Jill left their remaining tacos on the table, but Riley clutched her half-eaten burrito as she ran after them. 

For the moment, Riley didn’t care who these men were. All she cared about was getting them off her tail. 

She paid no mind to the cook shouting as she hauled ass through the kitchen. Riley spied an apron hanging off a doorknob, and an idea clicked into place. She grabbed it, turned on the gas stove, and held the fabric in the flames until it ignited. The blonde man skidded around the corner. Riley threw the flaming apron, and her feet carried her away before it even hit him. 

Nikki and Jill were already out the back door and waiting in the alley when Riley caught up. 

“You two didn’t happen to drive here, did you?” Nikki and Jill shook their heads. 

Jill asked, “Did you?” 

Riley shot Nikki a glare that could’ve curdled milk. “I would’ve, if someone hadn’t put my car in storage and then been too lazy to get it back. But noooooooooo, I had to take an Uber.” 

“Shut up,” Nikki growled at the same time Jill questioned, “Storage?” 

Ignoring Jill’s glaring lack of information, Riley grimaced. “Then I guess we’re running.” She took off down the alley, Nikki and Jill at her heels. Over her shoulder, Riley said, “I really hope I’m wrong here, but was that who I think it was?” 

Nikki groaned. “Unfortunately.” 

“Is someone going to fill me in?” 

“My ex.” 

“Oh.” 

Before they even reached the main street, both Riley and Nikki had broken a sweat, but Jill kept pace alongside them like it was nothing—wearing stilettos, no less. 

Perhaps Riley had underestimated Jill. 

Shouting erupted behind them. The men were closing the distance between them, despite the blonde one being too busy fiddling with something in his hands to watch where he was going. The three women ran faster. 

“What the hell is he doing?” Riley hissed. 

“You know how we hack computers? He hacks everything else.” 

A bullet pinged off the alley wall. “Perfect.” 

The main street wasn’t as crowded as Riley had hoped. There was far too little coverage to hide from...whatever these men were. Nikki had some explaining to do when they got home. 

They ran one block before another alley divided the storefronts. First glancing over her shoulder to ensure the men hadn’t turned the corner on the main road yet, Riley pulled her companions into the alley. It was empty aside from a large, faded black dumpster. Riley’s stomach churned at what she was about to suggest, but now was not the time to be picky about solutions. 

“In the dumpster,” she ordered. “Now.” 

Nikki and Jill made pained faces, but neither argued. They tossed Jill in first, then Riley gave Nikki a boost. Yanking her phone from her back pocket, Riley quickly opened a FaceTime call with Nikki and hid her phone beneath the dumpster before climbing inside and closing the lid over their heads. 

The women waited in silence. 

The smell was nauseating, and trash bags squished under Riley’s combat boots. Her boots were going directly in the trash when she got home, favorite pair be damned. She might very well toss her cutoff jean shorts and tank top too. Any article of clothing that touched garbage fluid was not going on her body ever again. 

Nikki dutifully studied their makeshift security camera feed. The dumpster muffled outside sounds too much for Riley to listen for the heavy footsteps of their pursuers. Jill mercifully knew to refrain from making any sort of noise. At least she won’t get us killed, Riley thought. 

When Nikki finally signaled that the coast was clear, Riley breathed a deep sigh of relief she immediately regretted. Gagging, she desperately shoved the dumpster lid open and clawed her way to fresh air, doing her best not to vomit. She’d already sacrificed the uneaten half of her burrito to the dumpster. Riley wasn’t about to give up the half she’d already swallowed too. 

Nikki wasn’t so lucky. 

Jill held back her coworker’s hair, rubbing her back in smooth circles. She didn’t seem affected by the smell at all. When she noticed Riley starting, Jill explained, “I’ve dug through dumpsters filled with half-decomposed bodies. A plain old trash dumpster is nothing.” 

Riley could only nod and offer her a queasy half-smile. 

Retrieving her phone, she called Desi and begged the woman to pick them up, conveniently leaving out the part about the dumpster. When she was done, Riley turned to Jill. “I want you on my team. Take the rest of the day off from work and think about my offer. There’s a team meeting at my apartment tonight. If you’re in, have Nikki pick you up on her way. The choice is yours.”

[aforrestofstuff]

I'd like to know if you have any cooking skills headcanons!! Like, from who's able to make a absolute meal to who burns microwaved instant noodles.

I’ve done a few individual headcanons about cooking before, but I think it’s time for a refresher. You could call this... the main course.

Okay, enough of that bullshit. Here’s the hcs. Thanks for your ask, anon! ❤️❤️💞

Disclaimer: this shit is crack as fuck because I have very strong feelings about cooking lmfao. FOH don’t interact.

Tornado of Terror: She’d find a way to burn ice cream, honestly. She tries so hard (by god she tries) but her meals always come out as a convoluted mess with ingredients that have no reason being together. She eats her steaks well done and boils hamburgers. It’s a nightmare. She doesn’t really spend too much time in the kitchen, however, because she knows she sucks at cooking and because of this, makes 90% of her diet consist of takeout. But if she did spend more of her day cooking, she’d probably discover the recipe to meth accidentally. It’s that bad.

Silverfang: Stubborn old grandpa way of cooking. He’s got a handful of recipes that have been passed down for generations and he’s gonna carry those fuckers to his grave. When Garou was living at the dojo, the little bastard would try to make some changes to these recipes and Bang had to will every molecule in his arthritis-riddled body to not RKO this kid (not really, Bang wouldn’t hurt a fly). But I digress. He’s a decent cook, knows all the fundamentals and all of that shit.

Atomic Samurai: Can’t cook or bake for shit although he, of course, talks himself up like he can. The extent of his cooking knowledge is only within the realm of “shit you can roast over a campfire when your cheap ass can’t scrape together enough coin to pay the electricity bill”. But now that he’s got that S-Class paycheck and three other disciples to freeload off of, they pretty much cater to his every food-related need. He’s useless in the kitchen. Utterly fucking useless.

Child Emperor: Doesn’t know how to cook (little bastard ain’t even tall enough to reach the stove imo) but luckily he’s got that PHAT BRAIN so he can easily just build a Gordon Ramsey bot 3000 to replace his incompetence in the kitchen. His diet consists of Dino nuggets and microwaveable noodles so it’s not like he’s doing the world a great disservice by not learning how to cook properly.

Metal Knight: Same as Child Emperor except he’s a rich bastard and programs his bots to make that fancy shit with only the finest ingredients. He’s got enough cash from doing black market tech trades and building up his robo-army that this motherfucker could snort caviar for fun. He’s a real pompous asshole about it.

King: His mom taught him to cook a few things, nothing serious. He’s one of those dudes that doesn’t really know how to make much, but the few dishes that he does know how to cook are fucking BOMB. He’s got a cast iron skillet for making pancakes and everything, bitch is already halfway to being a chef himself. Other than that, however, he’s a ramen monster. His blood is practically pre-packaged bone broth.

Zombieman: I’ve said this in a previous hc but he’s a damn good cook. One problem though: he only knows how to make single servings of everything because he eats alone almost all the time. He specializes in meats. Bitch is a carnivore. He bought himself a set of those 500-dollar butcher knives so he can carve up cuts like a monster. He hemorrhages cash into fancy wood chips so he can get that smoky flavor juuuuust right. He’s got an Outdoor Chef setup on his patio. My mans is living the DREAM.

Drive Knight: He can eat but does he really need to? His cooking expertise is popping a new battery in. There you go.

Pig God: Oh my god if this man’s kitchen isn’t Michelin-Star quality. He eats a lot and he cooks a lot, it’s only natural. He’s got an indoor grill and pot chandelier and buys industrial-sized buckets of pickles and roast beef by the cow and— okay he just has a lot of food, alright? And he’s got that PHAT S-Class paycheck so my boy probably has a whole walk-in fridge just to put all the fucking food he eats. Bonus points if he hires a dishboy to work and a contractor to implement a three-sink dish station with “Clean-Rinse-Sanitize” stickers slapped on the steel, lol. But yeah, he cooks for 500 people at a time because he eats enough for 500 people at a time. Gotta maintain that figure, you know what I’m saying?

Superalloy Darkshine: He has. Oh my god— he has a full shelf dedicated to just. DOZENS OF JARS of whey protein. He has two blenders: one for fruit smoothies and one for protein shakes. His kitchen? Spotless. He knows how to cook and he eats like a bodybuilder (because he is one, duh) so he’s got that fridge STOCKED at all times. He cleans like he’s getting paid for it because nothing feels better than wiping down a gas stove until that bitch is spotless. However, his taste is garbage. He can throw down in the kitchen but does it taste good? No. Sometimes the ultra-healthy alternative to something isn’t always the greatest. He’s grown accustomed to putting zucchini in his cakes and almost damn well likes the texture of it, but don’t invite this guy to the potluck because he WILL show up with a vegetable nightmare that’s sure to make even vegans gag. Sorry bud, but nobody likes soy bacon.

Watchdog Man: furry ass.

Flashy Flash: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he’s pescatarian. He grew up on a coastal town before being sold of to the ninja village like a goddamned carpet and now fish is the only meat he eats. His cooking ability is about as good as one would expect from a homesless ninja. Like Atomic Samurai, he can throw it down over the campfire and still find a way to make a decent dish (in both presentation and taste) despite having limited knowledge and resources to work with. Bitch can whip up a five-star meal with some branches, a fish, and half a carrot like it was second nature. That’s about it though. He’s useless in an actual kitchen.

Genos: It’s canon. He’s a housewife. He only knows how to make the select few dishes that play an integral part in Saitama’s diet, though (because Genos can eat but he doesn’t really need to, so he only does it when he and Saitama are sharing a meal). Those dishes include things like: actual garbage. He cooks shit food. It’s not his fault. Saitama just eats like a fucking twat. There’s rats that live in the dumpster outside the restaurant I work in that have a better diet than him. Genos just works with what the poor bastard’s got and has gained a pretty mediocre grasp on cooking because of it. If he wanted to, though, he could easily be the best chef in all the land. Too bad he’s more focused on being an ultra-powerful speed demon.

Metal Bat: Tries his absolute best to cook healthy meals for him and Zenko when he almost always resorts to just popping a frozen pizza in the oven and calling it a day. I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he eats his shit BURNT. Bitch like his steak well done, his yolks grey, and his chicken vaporized. The only exception to this is sushi because there really is no other way to enjoy it other than having it raw. Trust me, though. If there was a way to burn the fuck out of sashimi while still having it be sashimi, he’d find a way to do it and like it. But yeah, as I said: he sucks ass at cooking. He’s tried the tutorials, he’s bought the skillets, he’s sharpened the knives, but he just can’t fucking do it.

Tanktop Master: Same as Superalloy. They bond over gross-ass ultra-healthy recipes that only they enjoy. The Tanktop Gang loves him but they always kindly refuse to eat over at his house because they know he’s gonna try to make them ingest a broccoli loaf or some shit. He’s not too strict about his diet, though. He’ll chill out and have a pizza every once and a while, but only when he’s hanging out with the homies.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: He has a job in prison where he helps out in the kitchen for seventy-five cents an hour, but that’s about the extent of it. He’s got the bare basics down and could put together a decent meal for date night if he really tried (and had a damn kitchen to work with). On top of that, he can throw down some tasty prison food recipes, hand-crafted from the brick box itself. Ramen pad Thai, anyone?

Amai Mask: he’s rich as fuck, why does he need to cook? Bitch hired a chef and now all he does it drink skim milk and eat food from the top shelf. He couldn’t fry an egg if his life depended on it. Poor bastard doesn’t even know what a whisk is. And don’t even get me started on how much of a slob he is. The ten-minute process of making a single plate of spaghetti will have his kitchen in such a disgusting state that it’ll take him and a trusty Mister Clean Magic Eraser five hours just to clean it up. That is, if he even has the basic human decency to pick up after himself. He’ll probably just hire someone to do for him and then tip them a crisp 100-dollar bill for their troubles, only to make an even worse mess tomorrow.

Iaian: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but yes: he can cook. It’s nothing special. He’s got a suburban dad sense of cooking where he, like King, can only make a select few dishes but makes those dishes taste magical. He’s got 0 utensils and shit kitchen to work with (because Kami’s place is probably like, centuries old on account of him still being a Samurai), but boy can Iaian whip up a feast like no other despite all that. It’s all protein-packed flavor bombs that look simple in comparison to, say, Zombieman or Metal Knight’s food, but it still tastes good all the same. Kama eats off of his plate all the time and it used to annoy him but they’ve grown so close that they might as well share forks at this point.

Okamaitachi: Can’t really cook, but they are a baking god. I don’t know much about baking but I know they’ve got a cupboard dedicated to their plethora of sourdough starters. They buy yeast by the pound and make enough bread to feed entire armies some days. Whatever the gang doesn’t eat, they donate it to the local homeless shelter and make it a habit to go out of their way performing good deeds that don’t always involve sword fighting (something Kami insists he instilled into them via his teachings— which is bullshit. Kama is just naturally good-hearted and sweet).

Bushidrill: Can’t cook or bake for shit but like Atomic Samurai and Flash, can throw it down on the campfire. Don’t let this man near any turkeys or pigs because he will spitroast the fuck out of them.

Fubuki: Okay, not only is she a great cook but she’s as dogmatic as a coked-out head chef. She and the Blizzard Group sometimes cook together in her massive kitchen (she poured all of her measly paycheck into it because by god, if her apartment doesn’t have a kitchen fit for a chef then it’s not worth living in), and she’ll be barking orders like a damn crow. She’s got the two-grand knife set, cast-iron everything, bronze accents on the sink, and the ability to deglaze a pan without starting a fire. She’s a natural. If she cooks for you, then that’s how you know she likes you. All in all, her food tastes and looks great. She’s a bit low on funds on account of being only Class-B, so she sometimes takes little shortcuts when plating her dishes, like using celery leaves in place of parsley and all that jazz.

Saitama: I’ve already said that his diet is absolute shit and part of that is due to being poor, but I will show mercy and say that he’s a decent cook. He only makes what he knows he’s gonna like and doesn’t leave any room for experimentation unless his budget allows it (which isn’t often). His kitchen only has the bare essentials. Genos has offered to buy him more equipment and even renovate the damn thing for him but Saitama refuses each time because then he’d have a bigass kitchen just for making a poor man’s omurice, and that would be a waste. His talent, though? Making a perfect omelet. He can fold the egg like a sheet with no tears and no brown spots. It tastes heavenly.

Mumen Rider: Ultra-safe in the kitchen. He doesn’t even own a knife sharpener because he’s clumsy enough to know he’ll cut himself the moment he even tries to use it. His pot handles all have coverings and he’s watched all of the food safety and fire safety videos out there. He could give a goddamned seminar on it. Food-wise, he’s a decent home cook. Nothing special. He does, however, share Superalloy and Tanktop’s nasty habit of over healthy-ing everything to oblivion and making it a tasteless, vegetative mess. It doesn’t matter if you invite him to the potluck or not because he’ll bring a cauliflower pizza anyway and y’all better fucking enjoy it or he’ll start crying.

Sonic: The same as Flashy Flash, minus the pescatarianism. He’d butcher a pig without blinking an eye, and often uses his katana in cooking (even though it poses like, 87 different safety hazards and is most definitely health violation). He can forage quite well and has taken a liking to wild mushrooms and berries over the years. It’s gotten so natural to him that he now knows by heart the specific time of year in which the wild berries are ripest, and which species of salmon inhabit certain streams on any given day.

Garou: Would burn water. End of story. His cooking is so bad and dangerous that everyone thinks he’s an arsonist when he really just starts fires on accident. Don’t let this fucker near a stove, for the love of god.

[ardenttheories]

What actually irks me the most about this situation with Jade is that the aesop of "children dont solve everything" was already made, and somewhat succesfully at that. Roxy wanted a child to feel more like a woman and to make sure John loved her. Jane used Tavros to chain up Jake to a relationship in which he was miserable. They already did that song and dance, and it was BETTER by a mile. To see them butcher old characters tpo make a point that was already clear is baffling.

Honestly, the thing about it that pisses me off most is that... we know that having kids don’t make things better? Each of the kids suffers from some form of abuse. Rose is neglected by Mom; Dave is outright abused by Bro; Jade’s life is actively put in danger by Grandpa’s neglect. It’s already been shown to us that having a kid doesn’t improve anything, make you a better person, make you happier - anything. These kids, more than anyone, should know that being a guardian is a big responsibility. They should know that even with the best of intentions, you can still seriously harm/traumatise your child. They’ve already been through that. 

This isn’t a lesson that they should need to learn through having kids. It’s not something we, as the audience, needed telling either. And if this is meant to be the “nitty gritty reality” of adulthood, I’d like to know what cisheteronormative bullshit they were on when writing that, and why they thought we couldn’t have the kids just... be better than their parents?

But, if we have to accept that this is a thing that the writers did, for whatever purpose, you’re definitely right; Jane and Roxy make much more sense, with a much better point, than Jade did.

At least with Jane, it’s a clear manipulation tactic; something she’s doing because she knows it’ll stop Jake from leaving, keep him trapped even though he’s not happy. The “kids don’t make everything better” there is that her relationship with him only deteriorated because he was a prisoner. A prisoner with a responsibility he literally could not leave. But even then - why the hell would Jane do that? Nanna was an objectively lovely, grandmotherly woman. But for some reason, Jane is just... the worst piece of shit known to man, suddenly, willing to carry a child for 9 months and go through the pretty traumatic process of giving birth just to control Jake? Good way to make a villain, but bad way to turn a hero into one.

As for Roxy, I think she and John in that whole situation is just... sad. They’re definitely the better example of “kids don’t make everything better”, in that they both still love each other and Harry Anderson, and they do get better at raising him, but there is the firm idea that having a kid will inprove their love. And it just doesn’t. Especially considering that Roxy is a woman who never had her mom, and John is a man who lost a very loving father; both of them probably wanted a normal family to make up for what they lost/never had. It’s heartbreaking that it didn’t work out, and you feel so sorry for Harry Anderson getting mixed up in the middle of his parents’ struggles.

But Jade? What’s the everloving point of doing that to Jade? If you’ve already done it twice before - and those two times have questionably made even those characters look fucking awful and has come out of a place that just doesn’t seem right - why go through it again? What point’s being made that you haven’t already made? Especially when all Jade does to Yiffany is essentially neglect her, hand her off to a known child abuser, and then forget that she really exists.

Again, though - the fact remains that none of these points needed to be made. The writers just seemed to decide that the “nitty gritty reality” of adulthood included child abuse and making the same mistakes your parents did. Which is such an awful take to make? And why the hell would they think anyone wants to read the traumatised kids we saw go through trouble and strife and torment become actively terrible people? Or victims? Or deep-rooted unhappiness?

It’s a baffling choice to make if you want to retain the integrity of your characters and the enjoyment of your readers - but the writers have never cared about that to begin with.