#i know this might not seem that important. but it is to me i think

[drchucktingle]

how are you human?

so many interesting comments and thoughts on my post saying buds should consider not coming up to strangers in marginalized groups and saying 'how are you a real person that actually exists?'. i will point out this: despite my VERY gentle tone a few buds said i was having a 'meltdown' for even mentioning it

others said i was being too serious for someone who is ‘not a real person’. so if you would any more evidence of what it is like to be a buckaroo like myself there it is. every day, autistic folks who may seem ‘weird’ are bombarded with messages and comments and implications that they are fundamentally not human beings

sometimes it is outright and blatant like the comments on last post saying ‘well why are you getting mad? you are not even real’ and sometimes it is in the very subtle ways that folks use language when they talk to us. there is huge difference between ‘how do you exist?’ and ‘i am glad you exist.’

anyway, something that i think many people who have not lived this experience dont seem to understand is i KNOW the poster who said ‘how are you a real person that actually exists’ probably meant it as a compliment. that is THE POINT of why i am taking a moment out of my trot to gently and anonymously let them know how it might feel to be on other end of something like this as a queer or autistic or otherwise marginalized buckaroo. it is obviously not their intent to actually hurt someone, so i am letting them know

maybe because queerness and autism are not physically apparent it is hard to explain, but imagine going up to very tall or very short person and saying ‘cant BELIEVE you are real’ as a compliment. not a great way to treat others. on my original post, an indigenous author chimed in with their own experience and feelings similar to my own. a woman who said she was very tall told her story. point is, while i do not have their experience, what i am saying has a universal thread for 'othered' folks

point is: i UNDERSTAND there is this sort of exaggerated or ironic (or maybe even sometimes very literal) language around fandom to say things like ‘how are you a human?’ to creators, but since it is not your intent to hurt, i think you might want to know how that feels to marginalized buckaroos sometimes.

obviously you can say anything you want. i do not hold it against you. also, if you think ‘oh no, did i say something like this to chuck at a convention? i am so embarrassed' then DO NOT WORRY i promise you buckaroo you are just fine. i present myself in a way that is unusual by definition, so i have pretty thick skin about this type of thing and a lot of patience. MANY buds start off thinking i am ‘a joke’ and then become fans over time and i am glad to trot beside them and prove love is real.

however there are other autistic or queer or marginalized buckaroos with smaller platforms who hear this just as much as me, so i think it is important to say it loudly and maybe together we can work on making a very slight shift in the way we speak to the ‘others’ in our lives

we do not NEED to let subtle dehumanization slip into our language. in some cases it has been called ‘micro aggressions’ but i think buds dont often consider what that means for COMPLIMENTS. ultimately, telling marginalized people YOU ARE SO AMAZING YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY EXIST may seem very fun and silly on the surface and for some folks it probably feels that way, but for others it can feel like a reminder of the broader doubt about their humanity. you can just say ‘YOU ARE AMAZING’ without the reminder of the many times autistic or queer or marginalized folks are told in a very serious and pointed way (like comments on the last post) ‘YOU ARE SO WEIRD THAT I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT REAL’

buckaroos can take this information and apply it to their interactions, or they can ignore it, that is totally fine. we are all trotting our own trots and proving love in our own way and thats okay bud, HOWEVER i feel like it is important to at least let folks know, even if that means getting told i am having a ‘meltdown’. i think it is important to have complex or difficult conversations if it will prove a little more love in the long run. THANK YOU FOR READING BUCKAROOS. i am honored to trot forward with you can tackle this kind of thing with you, and honored you buckaroos have created such an amazing space with me to pull apart these kind of feelings. THIS IS PROOF THAT LOVE IS REAL LETS TROT

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

stitches. l Joel Miller

before Jackson

Summary: the moment Joel thought he might lose you

Warnings:  angst, blood, weapons, Ellie is in on it, tears, rough night for Joel, some swearing

A/N: this is before they appear in Jackson. the idea for this chapter was given by the wonderful @underneath-the-sky-again . thank you so much! i hope you like it, sweetie. ❤️

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

short stories from life. [masterlist]

"Take Ellie and try to get out of here."

You looked at him with fear but also determination in your eyes. He had expected the words that left your lips "I won't leave you, Joel."

"But you have to, if you want Ellie to be safe." You nodded "I'll find you. We'll meet outside the city. Remember that red brick building? We'll meet there."

You didn't ask any more questions, just grabbed Ellie by the arm and led her out the back door. Once again, for a moment, you turned to look at Joel.

"Go. Now."

He should have been less harsh. He should have done a lot of things, and he definitely shouldn't have led you there. The road through the city was definitely shorter, and you could find the supplies you needed for the rest of the journey. 

You were all tired, and Ellie was grumpy. She was tired of sleeping under the stars, and when you got soaked one night, she was even grumpier than Joel.

"Something warm, a piece of dry floor. That's the basics!" she said and finally Joel gave in.

These people were probably thinking the same thing. They knew someone was in the building, but they didn't know how many people were there or whether they were armed, that was to your advantage.

Joel reloaded his gun. Maybe you could get out without being noticed? But he had to distract these people, let them think you left the city a different way. His thoughts ran to you and Ellie once more, he knew you'd be fine.

The moment he entered the red brick building on the outskirts of town he knew something was wrong. It was already dark when he entered and secured the door.

"Ellie?" he called out in a muffled voice "Ellie!"

He almost had a heart attack when the girl appeared at the end of the corridor with a flashlight in her hands. Her eyes were wide, she was shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked, quickly approaching her "W-What is it? Blood?"

Ellie's hands were covered in blood, some of it smeared on her cheek. She was pale as a sheet. Your name barely escaped her lips, and Joel felt as if his legs were giving out under him.

"That guy appeared out of nowhere!" the girl gasped, "She's bleeding terribly."

Joel rushed into the room after her. He knew one thing, he would never forget this sight. You were lying on the floor. Ellie had somehow managed to take off your jacket, but your shirt was soaked in blood on one side. The old towel that Ellie used as a dressing was already covered in blood.

"Fuck!" Joel hissed, falling to the floor next to you. "What happened?"

"There was a guy..." you replied quietly, you were breathing as if you were fighting for every breath, your eyelids seemed so weak. "A few streets away..."

"And you made it all the way here? In this condition?!"

"What was I supposed to do?!" Ellie groaned, sitting on her heels on the other side of you. "She didn't say anything. It wasn't until we left the city..."

Joel's hands easily removed yours, he lifted the towel and uncovered your side. The red mark from the knife ran almost from your hip to your bra. The wound was bleeding badly, although not as intensely since you moved less and pressed the towel that Ellie gave you.

"She'll be fine, right?" the girl's quiet voice focused Joel's scattered thoughts. "Hey! I'm asking you something!"

He nodded. That was all he could do, because he was afraid his lips would betray him. They would betray his fear, worries and uncertainty about you. It looked like you had lost a lot of blood. How much? He wasn't sure.

Focus! Focus!

"There's water in my backpack. Give it to me!" he ordered.

Ellie quickly rushed towards the backpack and after a moment pressed a bottle into his hand. He poured it over your side to clean it a bit.

"Joel? Joel..." you sighed.

"I know, give me a moment." he mumbled, but your hand lightly grabbed his. "My backpack... Ellie knows."

He looked at you, confused, and then at the girl. She didn't wait. She ran to your backpack lying against the wall and started looking through it, finally pulling out something that looked like a makeshift first aid kit. She threw it towards Joel.

A small bottle of alcohol, some bandages, antibiotics that had long since passed their expiration date. It looked bad, but it was all he had.

"I'd have to stitch the wound up." He said more to you than as if he was planning on actually doing it.

You nodded. Your eyes were closed, your breathing shallow. Despite everything, when he poured the alcohol on your side, you hissed loudly in pain.

"Fuck! I'm sorry, darling. I'm sorry..."

"It hurts her." Ellie groaned, her voice shaking as she sat down next to Joel.

"I know, but it'll hurt more."

Ellie's small hands pressed a spool of thread and a needle into his palm. Without a word, she walked to where your head was, took your hands, and squeezed them tightly. She knew what had to be done, and so did you. She laced her small fingers with yours and nodded at Joel.

He couldn't remember the last time he was so scared.

Joel opened his eyes and lifted his head. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He couldn't.

It was starting to dawn. Ellie was curled up next to you, her bloody fingers still tangled with yours. She had spent the whole night watching over you and it was only a few hours ago that he had finally managed to convince her to go to sleep. The night watch belonged to him.

After you had passed out while he was stitching your body, you hadn't opened your eyes yet. Joel knew that this night would haunt him for a very long time. 

Ellie's pale face, her tears running down her cheeks, your blood on his and her hands. He only hoped that he had done everything right. He couldn't lose you, not now, not ever.

Ellie stirred and rubbed her eyelids.

"She's not awake yet?"

Joel shook his head. "You should still be asleep, kiddo." he muttered.

She sat up and rubbed her face with her hand. Her eyes were puffy with tears.

"Do you think she'll wake up?" she asked.

God, she has to!

"If she doesn't wake up on her own, your talking will do the trick" he said, relieved to see the shadow of a smile on Ellie's lips. "You were brave, you know. If it wasn't for you..."

"You sewed her up like a rag doll." she said. "I wouldn't know what to do."

"You would know. You knew she had a first aid kit with her. Good job."

"Yeah, she showed it to me a while ago. She said it was just in case." Ellie stood up and stretched. "I need to find the bathroom. Will you watch her?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She smiled and quietly left the room. Joel leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. His whole body ached. Warm coffee would be something he would give a lot for.

A thought flashed through his mind - how long will you have to stay here? Is this place even safe enough for another night? What if he did something wrong?

"J-Joel..."

It was quieter than a whisper, but he still heard it. He opened his eyes and saw you looking at him, your eyelids still heavy, but you fought them.

"Hi, darling." he greeted and stood up to crouch next to you. "How are you feeling?"

"Ughh...horrible..." you sighed.

His hand touched your cheek and forehead. You saw the worry written on his face combined with the sleepless night.

"You had a small fever last night. I gave you antibiotics."

"Shit..." you groaned. "You wasted it on me?"

"Best decision ever."

You wanted to smile, but the muscles in your face were strangely numb. Meanwhile, Joel lifted the jacket you were wearing and glanced at your side. The wound was still red, but it wasn't anything to worry about. The most important thing was that you weren't bleeding. And you were conscious.

"Where's Ellie?" you asked.

"She's looking for the bathroom. She sat with you all night." He looked at you with sympathy and worry. "How did you manage to get here? When I showed up, you looked terrible."

"Yeah... That guy, I wasn't expecting him. I didn't want to shoot... That would draw attention."

He nodded. Damn, he knew you were strong and resilient, but he was still full of worries about you. 

Your presence was soothing to him, and the relationship you had with Ellie... The girl would break down if something happened to you. So did he, although he didn't want to admit it. 

You, on the other hand, twitched strangely, making a movement as if you wanted to get up.

"What the hell are you doing?" Joel covered you with his jacket again "You're staying like this."

"We can't stay here. These people..."

"We'll stay another night, or as long as we have to." he declared. "You won't be able to move around yet."

Footsteps in the hallway distracted you, because you clearly wanted to argue with him. Ellie's face lit up when she saw you and a moment later she was sitting next to you.

"Fuck! You scared us so much." she said. "Joel almost had a heart attack!"

The man threw her a look and shook his head. He listened to her babble as she told you in detail about the night, about everything that had happened. He smiled the moment he felt your fingers clumsily find his and squeeze them lightly.

A quiet "Thank you," that he appreciated more than anything. You were alive. Still. Soon you would move on. Slowly, but still, the three of you.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist, i think: @picketniffler @orcasoul @bbyanarchist @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi

[pbaz7]

AGAINST THE TIDE — PART TWO

paige x azzi

warnings: language

word count: 4.8k

A/N: Here’s the next chapter!! It’s another chap of me setting the scene so bear with me. The next chapters when Azzi officially gets on campus will have more interaction between them. I’m also not sure how I feel about the 1st person POV so I might stop after this who knows. Anywho let me know what you think and leave comments and live reactions if you can!! Happy New Year everyone 🥳

—————————————————————————

July 2019 - Paige POV

I was deep into my basketball workout, the sound of the ball echoing through the gym as I went through the drills with precision. My trainer standing by the sideline, coaching me through each movement — footwork, ball-handling, shot mechanics. I was lost in the rhythm of it all, my mind focused solely on the next move, the next shot, just as I did every offseason.

But then, something on the TV caught my attention.

The US 3x3 tournament was on — I hadn't been paying too much attention to it, but I always found time for basketball, no matter who was playing. It was in my blood. I just loved the game at all levels.

My focus slipped for a second as I looked over at the screen, noticing the score was a little close. Then I saw Azzi.

I froze, the ball bouncing softly at my side as I watched everything unfold. One minute, she was pushing through the defense, looking like she was about to make a play, and the next, she was on the floor. Her knee buckled awkwardly, and I saw her fall, immediately clutching it. The pain was clear as day on her face.

"Oh fuck," I muttered under my breath, the word escaping before I could stop it. My trainer immediately moving toward the TV to turn the volume up.

The announcers' voices filled the gym, sharp with concern. "All of a sudden there’s concern for the health of one of the best high schoolers in the country. We can only hope Azzi Fudd is able to walk out of here on her own which will be a good sign for all the viewers who I’m sure are holding their breath as this all unfolds." One said, the gravity of the situation weighing heavily in his tone.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen as Azzi stayed down, her face twisted in pain, tears welling in her eyes as the camera zoomed in on her. I hate when they do that shit.

I didn’t particularly like Azzi. She was too passive for my liking, not nearly as fiery or intense as I thought a player should be. Especially someone of her caliber. Plus she fouled the hell out of me for no reason that one time. But seeing her in that kind of pain? That wasn’t something I could enjoy. Despite all the rivalry, despite everything, I hated seeing anyone get hurt.

For all our back-and-forth, the trash talk, the competitiveness that had grown between us, I never wanted to see her hurt. She had just had an incredible season, her name up there with the best in the country — and now, it could all come crashing down in a second. This injury could change everything for her, just like that.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when my trainer asked, “You think she’s going to be ight?”

I didn’t answer right away. I just stood there, watching as they helped Azzi off the court, her face still contorted in pain as she limped off. It hit me kinda hard — this was a big deal, and despite everything that had happened on the court between us, I couldn’t help but feel for her.

“Yeah,” I muttered. "I’m sure she’ll bounce back."

After that the gym felt a little different now. The ball didn’t bounce as loudly, and the drill didn’t seem as important. All I could think about was how quickly things could change in an instant. How that could have been me. How it could still be me.

…

Later that night, laying in bed, Paige aimlessly scrolled through social media. Her feed was flooded with news of Azzi's injury. It was everywhere. All anyone seemed to be talking about was the #1 player in the class of 2021 tearing both her ACL and MCL after her incredible sophomore year. Paige had to admit, it hit her in a way she wasn’t prepared for. She had seen Azzi's growth first-hand the few times they’d played — her rise to stardom, the awards, and now, this. The thought of the rivalry they'd shared now feeling so... empty... nagged at her.

Paige knew that she’d see St. John’s again twice next year but something about the thought of no Azzi in the mix made it not as exciting. Without Azzi, there wouldn’t be any real competition left. Their games had been some of the most intense, back-and-forth battles she’d ever played in, and now that felt like it was over. There was no way Azzi would be back before the playoffs next year.

Paige’s fingers hovered over her phone screen as her mind wandered. She didn’t know why she was doing this, but she found herself scrolling through her contacts, looking for Azzi's number. They’d played together on the U16 team and Paige had everyone’s number from the team saved after they insisted on having a groupchat. She tapped it and paused, unsure of what to say, knowing if she was in Azzi’s shoes no words would ease whatever she was feeling. Still she sent a message anyway.

You'll bounce back. It's just a setback Fudd.

She stared at the message, fingers hovering for a moment before hitting send. She didn’t expect a response. What was she even doing? Azzi probably didn’t even want to hear from her, they didn’t even like each other. But it felt wrong to just leave it at that — to not acknowledge what Azzi was going through. She knew the girl after all.

With a heavy sigh, Paige set her phone down and went to brush her teeth to get ready for bed. She didn’t really expect a response back.

But when she returned, phone in hand, her screen illuminated, signaling a new notification.

Thank you, means a lot.

Paige typed a quick reply: Anytime.

Then she put her phone on the nightstand, settling into bed as she turned on a WNBA game.

November 2019

Azzi sat at the end of the bench, her leg throbbing slightly beneath the brace, trying to make sense of the game she’d just watched. Her team had been outclassed from the jump, and without her on the floor, it felt like they had no chance. Paige of course had been unstoppable—37 points, and the craziest part was, she didn’t touch the floor the whole fourth quarter. It was almost embarrassing to watch.

When the buzzer finally rang, signaling the end of the game, Azzi’s shoulders slumped and she sighed in relief that it was over. She didn’t even look at the scoreboard; it didn’t matter. She stayed seated as her teammates lined up to shake hands with the Gonzaga players. The energy in the gym was deflated—everyone had known the outcome was a foregone conclusion the moment the game tipped off.

As Azzi adjusted her knee brace and slowly stood up, she was surprised to see Paige walking toward her.

The other players from Gonzaga hadn’t thought to come over and shake her hand, but Paige didn’t hesitate. She offered Azzi a quick high five, her face a mix of competitiveness and something else. Azzi raised an eyebrow, taken aback by the gesture but unwilling to show any emotion to the blonde in front of her.

Paige’s voice was light, almost teasing. “What’s that, 4-1 now, Fudd?”

Azzi couldn’t help but scoff. “You didn’t talk shit the whole game,” she said, eyes narrowing. “You just had to come over here and ruin it, didn't you?”

Paige laughed, a playful glint in her eyes. As she turned to walk away, she tossed over her shoulder, “No comp to talk shit to on the court that’s all.”

Azzi watched her go, a mix of annoyance and begrudging admiration in her chest. Paige had a way of making things look easy, and even though Azzi hated it and hated how she acted, she couldn’t deny it—Paige was damn good.

March 2020 - Paige’s POV

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, my head in my hands, stomach in knots. My phone sat next to me, buzzing with more notifications I couldn’t bring myself to check. The championship game we’d worked so damn hard for, the perfect season we’d earned — all of it, gone. Just like that.

CoVid-19 had canceled the last game, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. It felt like a bad dream. The end of my high school career. Just like that, like a snap of a few fingers. Kind of funny how life is in that way.

We had been unstoppable. Undefeated. We were supposed to go out on top. I was supposed to walk off that court with my teammates, with that championship trophy, the culmination of all the hard work and sacrifice after losing last year. But now, it was all over, and I was left with nothing but this empty feeling in my chest.

It felt wrong, especially after the season I’d had. Gatorade Female High School Athlete of the Year. Gatorade National Player of the Year. Naismith Prep Player of the Year. Morgan Wootten National Player of the Year. I was on the cover of SLAM, for fucks sake. A McDonald’s All-American. I was supposed to play in the Jordan Brand Classic. The championship with my team was supposed to be the last piece of the puzzle. And now it was just... taken from me. From all of us.

I wasn’t the only one feeling it, but that didn’t make it any easier. My teammates were crushed, too. We all were. We’d worked for this. We had dreams about our comeback season, and now they were dashed. I just couldn’t understand how everything had unraveled so quickly.

It wasn’t just about the game, though. It was everything that came with it. The way everything seemed to be falling into place too quickly. My future at UConn was waiting, but it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me before I was ready. All of a sudden, the world felt uncertain even though I knew exactly where I was headed for the next four years.

I tried not to think about the stuff I’d lose, like the last game I was supposed to play, the players I was supposed to compete against, and the milestones I was supposed to hit with my team. Instead, I kept thinking about what was next.

The only thing I could do right now was work. There was no championship trophy to hold, no fans to cheer for me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still prepare.

So, I grabbed my shoes and headed to the gym. I knew there was no real closure here. Not right now, so it was pointless to get in my feelings about it. Pointless to sit around and be sad. There was still a season ahead of me, more basketball to play. College was waiting now.

…

The gym was quiet except for the sound of basketballs bouncing. Paige was working through her shots, focused as she tested her range and worked on different combo moves. She wasn’t expecting company, everything was shut down. Her thoughts were elsewhere—on the future, not on what had been taken from her. The weight of losing her senior season to the pandemic still hung over her, though she didn’t let it show in her work.

Then, she heard the faint sound of footsteps behind her. She pulled off her headphones and turned around, surprised to see Azzi standing there. It had been about seven months since Azzi’s knee injury, and seeing her standing there in person was different from seeing her in a game. The two of them never really spoke outside of playing one another, and the awkwardness of the situation wasn’t lost on either of them.

Azzi paused when their eyes met. “My bad, didn’t know anyone was here,” she said, clearly about to turn and leave. The gym was small and only half a court and she didn’t want to deal with whatever Paige had to say today.

Paige shook her head in disagreement, clearly not phased by her presence. “It’s cool. You don’t need to leave.”

Azzi hesitated before nodding and walking over to the bench, sitting down to put on her basketball shoes. Paige returned to shooting. Once Azzi had finished getting ready, she stood up, stretched, and grabbed a ball. Paige was still shooting when she glanced over taking off her headphones again.

“How’s the knee?” Paige asked before she could stop herself, looking down at the black sleeve covering Azzi’s right leg. Her voice broke the silence, and Azzi looked at her, surprised by the blonde speaking to her.

“It’s a work in progress,” Azzi replied, her tone softer than Paige had ever heard. It was clear she was still recovering, but she didn’t seem too eager to talk about it.

Paige simply hummed in response, turning back to the basket. Neither of them said much after that.

Paige continued to go through her drills as Azzi worked on her shots, most of them swishing effortlessly through the net, though she was missing more than usual. Paige, focused as always, didn’t really think too much about what the other girl had going on. After a while of silence, Azzi turned to her.

“Congrats on all your awards, by the way,” Azzi said, her voice genuine, even if it came out a little unexpectedly and awkwardly. Paige nodded, briefly acknowledging it with a half smile. There wasn’t much more to say—her accomplishments had all come in a season that felt incomplete, and she didn’t really wanna think about that right now.

Then, on a rebound, Azzi’s ball went a little further than expected, and Paige jogged to retrieve it, having been closer as she was getting some water. Azzi watched her and when Paige came back, she passed Azzi the ball without a word.

That was the turning point. Instead of keeping to their separate routines, they began to shoot together. Azzi rebounded for Paige, and Paige did the same for Azzi. They moved around the court, each shot a natural rhythm as they stepped into the pass. The way they moved, the way they passed and shot, was effortless, like they had done this a thousand times before. Neither said a word as they shot, they were just happy to not have to run after their own rebound every two seconds. The ease between them told a story of mutual respect even though it was usually clear they weren’t too fond of each other.

The silence between them stretched on as Paige and Azzi continued to shoot. The rhythm of their movements, the swish of the net, and the soft thud of the ball bouncing were the only sounds filling the gym. They both seemed absorbed in their own thoughts as they passed the ball back and forth.

After some time, Paige’s phone kept buzzing so she glanced at the clock. She had been there longer than she’d planned, and she remembered telling Drew she’d take him to the movies. So she reluctantly made her way to the bench to take off her basketball shoes even though she hadn’t cleared her mind like she hoped. Azzi was still shooting, focused and intent, as if the ball and the hoop were the only things that mattered.

Paige bent down to untie her shoes, glancing up as she did. Azzi missed another shot, and the ball rolled off to the side. Paige grabbed it without thinking, tossing it back to Azzi with a casual flick of her wrist.

As the ball landed back in Azzi’s hands, Paige couldn’t help but notice the slight hesitation in Azzi’s movements, the way she seemed to favor her left leg a bit. Azzi took a moment before shooting again, but the ball missed again, clanging off the rim and bouncing awkwardly as the girl groaned in frustration.

Paige stood up, grabbing her shoes from the ground as she spoke. “You’re favoring your left side when you shoot now,” she said, her voice calm but observant. “That’s why your shot’s not falling. You gotta trust that your knee will be fine.”

Azzi paused, the ball resting in her hands as she processed the comment. Paige could see the wheels turning in Azzi’s mind, the realization slowly dawning on her. She didn’t reply, but Paige noticed the way she shifted her weight as she took a second shot, more thoughtfully this time as it went through the net.

Paige didn't linger, just headed toward the door. Azzi didn’t say anything more either, lost in her thoughts as she continued to shoot.

November 2020

Azzi had been wrestling with the decision for weeks. The pressure to commit was everywhere, with coaches, family, and even fans weighing in with their opinions. Narrowing her choices to UCLA, Maryland, and UConn had been easy enough—each school had its appeal.

Maryland offered familiarity. The hometown hero story would mean playing in front of her family and friends, building a legacy close to home. UCLA? Well, their facilities were out of this world, and the program was on the rise and it would be nice to be the player who brought them to the top. But UConn... UConn was something else entirely.

The school was synonymous with greatness. Azzi had grown up dreaming of wearing that blue and white jersey, playing under Geno Auriemma, and being part of a dynasty, of being a husky. There was no denying the opportunity to grow under one of the best coaches in basketball history.

But there was a large problem. Paige.

Azzi had only crossed paths with Paige a handful of times during their games, but each interaction had left a bad taste in her mouth. Paige Bueckers was an undeniable talent, but her confidence often read as arrogance. The way Paige carried herself—with that smirk and cocky demeanor—rubbed Azzi the wrong way every time. Could she really spend years as a teammate to someone who seemed so self-absorbed? She couldn’t imagine having to share the court with the girl let alone the ball that she would probably never pass to Azzi.

Azzi turned the thought over and over in her mind day after day, replaying memories of Paige’s antics during games, her posturing, the way the media fawned over her, the way she soaked it in. It was irritating. Still, Azzi decided she couldn’t let one person dictate her future. This was her dream, her opportunity to compete at the highest level, to win championships.

When Azzi made her commitment to UConn public, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. The decision was made, and she was ready to face whatever came next—even Paige and all of her bullshit.

A couple of states away in Connecticut, Paige sat scrolling through her phone in the gym when the news broke. A tweet caught her eye, and as she opened it, her jaw nearly hit the floor.

"DMV’s Azzi Fudd, 2021 #1 Recruit Commits to University of Connecticut"

Paige stared at the screen, rereading the headline as if it would change. Her eyebrows shot up, and her eyes bulged in disbelief.

“What the fuck” Paige muttered to herself.

December 2020

During high school winter break Geno organized Azzi to come on a visit to meet the team before her official arrival. The visist had been going smoothly—almost perfectly, in fact. The facilities were incredible, Geno’s warmth and charisma made her feel valued, and the team seemed thrilled to have her there. Everything felt right. Everything except the glaring absence of Paige Bueckers.

It wasn’t like Azzi had come to the visit just to ‘officially’ meet Paige, but it would’ve been nice. Paige was clearly the face of the program now, the freshman star everyone raved about. If they were going to be teammates, Azzi figured they’d at least cross paths before she officially got to campus the upcoming summer. But so far, Paige had been conspicuously absent from all the introductions, the tour, and now the relaxed hangout in the dorm's common area.

The team was great, though. Christyn and Olivia, two of the team’s upperclassmen had gone out of their way to make Azzi feel comfortable, sharing stories about what it was like to play under Geno. Christyn was particularly funny, throwing in sarcastic comments about Olivia’s sometimes over-the-top pregame rituals.

Aaliyah, Nika, Saylor, and Piath—some of the freshmen—were a mix of energy and chaos. Nika’s personality was magnetic; she was constantly cracking jokes and pulling Azzi into the group’s banter. Aaliyah had a quieter, grounded presence, offering up thoughtful questions and laughing at Nika’s antics. Saylor and Piath added their own flair, with Saylor occasionally teasing Nika for her over-the-top expressions and Piath keeping things calm when the group got a little rowdy.

Then there was Aubrey, who was nestled between the older and younger players. She had an easygoing vibe, but there was something quietly sharp about her observations and she didn’t seem to talk much. But as the night wore on, Aubrey began to loosen up a bit and was leaning in to share a few inside jokes about the team dynamics here and there.

“You’ll like it here,” Aubrey said, nudging Azzi with her elbow. “Well, once you get used to all the chaos… and Paige.”

The mention of Paige brought the blonde’s absence into sharper focus. Azzi glanced toward the only closed door in the suite, making her assume it was Paige’s. Azzi had heard what sounded like the same game replaying over and over since she’d been in the suite coming from behind the closed door. She hadn’t thought much of it earlier, but now it felt a little deliberate that she hadn’t come out yet.

Evina noticed Azzi’s glance and sighed. “I’ll go get her,” she said, standing up and walking toward Paige’s door.

Before she could get there and knock, the door swung open. Paige emerged in a whirlwind, a granola bar clamped between her teeth, headphones slung around her neck, her phone in one hand, and her basketball shoes in the other.

“Hey, P,” Evina said, trying to stop her. “Come hang out for a bit. Azzi’s here.”

Paige grunted, barely making eye contact. “Can’t. Played like ass yesterday,” she mumbled around the granola bar before walking past everyone and out of the suite.

Azzi scoffed, unable to hold it in. It was hard not to take it personally. She didn’t know Paige well, but her quick exit felt more like an insult than anything else.

“No, don't take offense,” Evina said, noticing Azzi’s reaction. “Paige is… well, she’s Paige. You’ll get to know her. She’d live in the gym if we let her. Trust me, it’s not about you.”

Aubrey snorted from her spot on the couch. “Yeah I lost a bet and had to drag her out of there twice this week. First time, I turned the lights off. She didn’t even notice, or didn’t care. She just kept shooting until she got tired of me messing with her music and walked out.”

Azzi raised an eyebrow. “And the second time?”

“Had to practically carry her out,” Aubrey said with a laugh. “She gave up eventually, but only because I promised her Nika wouldn’t eat all the protein bars anymore.”

“I don’t eat all of them!” Nika protested loudly, drawing laughter from the group.

Azzi chuckled slightly but her irritation still lingered. Sure, Paige might be obsessive about basketball, but her absence still felt pointed with Azzi knowing the older girl didn’t like her. Azzi decided to ignore it though and as the night wore on, the team’s easy camaraderie pulled her in, and Azzi found herself genuinely liking everyone. Even looking forward to being here in the summer.

But Paige’s absence hung over everything, making it hard for Azzi to fully relax. When it got close to midnight and Paige still hadn’t returned, Nika, Aubrey, and Evina began debating who should go to the gym this time.

“I went twice already!” Aubrey said, throwing her hands up. “I’m not doing it again. I’d rather wrestle Olivia’s big ass for the remote.”

“You didn’t even try last yesterday,” Nika teased. “You just texted her and gave up and I had to go eventually.”

“Yeah, because she’s a weirdo when she’s like this.”

Evina groaned, standing up. “Fine shut up. I’ll go.”

Azzi watched as Evina grabbed her keys and headed out, her frustration bubbling to the surface again.

About thirty minutes later, the door to the suite swung open, and Evina stepped in, followed by a very irritated Paige. Azzi immediately noticed the tension as Paige, her hair sticking slightly to her forehead from sweat, strode in mid-sentence.

“It’s not that big of a fucking deal, E,” Paige muttered, clearly continuing a heated discussion the two had been having on their way back.

“It is a big deal,” Evina shot back, her voice calm but firm. “And you’re going to handle it. Now.”

Paige groaned dramatically, tossing her basketball shoes onto the floor by her room before following Evina inside. The door shut behind them, and for a brief moment, the suite was quiet.

Then came the muffled sounds of what was unmistakably yelling. Azzi wasn’t sure whether Paige or Evina was louder, but she could hear enough to piece together that Evina was getting on Paige about something.

The team, meanwhile, carried on as if this was perfectly normal, as if it was their routine. Aaliyah was fiddling with the remote trying to find a game, Aubrey was scrolling through her phone, and Christyn and Olivia were engaged in a debate over which snack brand had the best pretzels.

Eventually, the noise from Paige’s room stopped, and a few moments later, Evina emerged, her expression relaxed and a victorious smile playing on her lips. “She’ll be out soon,” she announced, as if this was some kind of accomplishment.

True to her word, a while later, Paige reappeared. She had swapped her clothes for a loose hoodie and joggers, her wet hair thrown over her shoulders. She glanced at Azzi, her blue eyes softening slightly.

“Hey,” Paige said, offering a small, almost sheepish smile. “Sorry for missing most of your visit. Welcome to UConn Azzi.”

Evina, leaning casually against the kitchen counter, watched the interaction with a knowing grin, as though she’d personally orchestrated this rare moment of civility.

Azzi blinked, caught off guard by Paige’s shift in demeanor. She nodded, her response clipped but polite. “It’s all good.”

Paige didn’t seem to notice Azzi’s hesitation—or if she did, she didn’t care. She flopped down onto the couch between Nika and Olivia with an exaggerated sigh, stretching her legs out and leaning her head against Nika’s shoulder.

“Welcome back to the land of the living twin,” Nika greeted her, her voice light and teasing.

Paige tilted her head, giving Nika a look that Azzi couldn’t quite decipher. It was like an entire conversation passed between them in a single expression. Nika burst out laughing, shaking her head as she nudged Paige playfully, making the blonde crack a smile as she leaned back on Nika’s shoulder.

The casual interaction threw Azzi off. For someone who’d seemed so intense and standoffish earlier, Paige was now practically melting into Nika. It was… strange.

Nika, Azzi had learned over the course of the evening, was one of the sweetest and most outgoing members of the team, always cracking jokes and making people feel included. On the surface, she and Paige couldn’t have been more different, yet here they were, leaning on each other like lifelong best friends.

Before Azzi could think too much about it, Christyn, who had been munching on a bag of chips, reached into the cabinet and tossed two protein bars at Paige, hitting her square in the chest.

“Eat,” Christyn ordered, her tone casual but firm. Paige barely reacted, opening one of the bars and shoving a piece of it in her mouth without a word.

Azzi couldn’t help but notice the dynamic. It was almost as if it was second nature for everyone to take care of Paige. Dragging her out of the gym, making sure she ate, looking out for her even when she seemed pissy about it.

It was strange to witness but oddly endearing picking up on how much they cared about each other. Azzi still wasn’t sure how Paige fit into the easygoing, tight-knit vibe of the rest of the team, but seeing her now—grumbling about snacks while slouching into Nika’s shoulder—it was clear there was more to her than Azzi had originally thought.

Azzi had planned to be the bigger person today and put all their bad blood to the side. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that Paige had been avoiding her, and it left a sour taste, so she kept her mouth shut.

[ironyscleverer]

One aspect of Stolas and Octavias relationship that I think deserves a little more attention is the fact that Stolas is traumatized as Fuck, and growing up with a traumatized parent can have a pretty profound impact on you as a kid. Even if they’re a good parent, even if they try their hardest in every way, their issues always seem to have a way of making themselves known. So even though Stolas clearly loves Via to bits, and she him, I wouldn’t be surprised if her relationship with Stolas was more complicated than what we see onscreen, even beyond the “abandoned her for some random imp” of it all.

There’s not a lot of discussion of this in canon, understandably since most of Stolas and Octavia’s immediate issues stem from the divorce, but there’s a hint of it in Loo Loo Land, when Stolas talks about how much Via used to love seeing RoboFizz:

It’s pretty clear in this scene (at least to me) that Stolas is projecting his own love of clowns onto Via, who was in fact terrified by RoboFizz as a child. He goes so far as to misinterpret her tears as “tears of joy.”

That’s a pretty weird detail, and doesn’t really have anything to do with the Divorce, so there’s any number of ways to interpret it. At first, given Stolas’s character in season 1, it comes across as self-absorbed, but looking back, i could see how that self-absorption might be Stolas’s response to always ignoring his own needs and wants for the sake of others. Think about it—Stolas spent 17+ years believing he couldn’t make choices about his own life, and constantly sacrificing his freedom and well-being for others (his father, his wife, his daughter). He spent well over a decade being abused in order to give his daughter a normal, happy childhood. If he’s convinced himself his desires don’t matter, one way around that is to do things because “Octavia likes them.” So if he convinced himself Octavia liked clowns,,, you get the idea.

So anyway, in Sinsmas this side of Octavia’s childhood isn’t really the main issue, but I like to think she is starting to realize not only how weird and sad her dad always was, and how much that may have affected her upbringing. We see a tiny hint of this when she confronts Stolas about his pills:

Of course, Octavia doesn’t know the full story, but she knows enough to be upset. She knows that Stolas was unhappy enough to need the pills, and he stayed in that environment for her. Thats a lot to process at 17. It’s not a nice feeling to realize your childhood was an extension of your parent’s trauma. It’s also not fun to realize your parent chose to harm themself for you, even if they did it to protect you. It makes you feel used, like you’ve been made into an accessory to hurting someone you love. In my mind, Octavia is processing all of this, AND that her dad ran off with a random man.

All this is to say, by my wildly non-canonical interpretation, I really feel for both Stolas and Octavia in this situation. For Stolas, making his own choices and following his instincts for once was important for him to do. For Octavia, it’s reasonable for her to feel upset at her dad, perhaps for more reasons than she realizes. She’s looking back on her relationship with Stolas, and how he raised her, and reevaluating everything. Their relationship is changing, and I hope we get to see a bit of that reflected in season 3.

[demigod-shenanigans]

I originally mostly made this post based on silly thoughts, but you made me think about the concept again so here’s my thoughts on some of your questions:

The claiming is a very good question. Reyna would obviously have her tattoo, but would any of the Greek demigods even recognize it? Also, Annabeth and Reyna don‘t have showy, obvious powers the way Percy and Jason do.

Barely anyone at Camp Jupiter even knows what Reyna’s powers are. Her being unclaimed would be an interesting issue, since that’s not been a thing since the Titan war. Leo and Piper got claimed immediately, and everyone assumes so will Reyna, but then she’s not, and people have a lot of feelings about it. Does she go in the Hermes cabin like kids used to? Maybe Hestia, assuming she got a symbolic cabin like Hera? Percy was already fuming but he’s even madder now. Obviously something is weird about this particular demigod but that the gods aren’t claiming this girl is a really bad omen.

Because Minerva doesn’t have kids but Annabeth is such a good battle strategist, I feel like she’s probably presumed to be a child of Mars or Bellona, but since claiming isn’t as important at Camp Jupiter (at least not for placement like at CHB), it’s probably not a huge issue. She carried Juno across the Little Tiber, so they know she’s important, and who exactly her godly parent is isn’t that much of a focus. People definitely react strangely when she insists her mom is Athena.

The Octavian situation would be interesting because as mentioned above I’m not sure Jason would have handled the whole solo praetor thing nearly as well as Reyna did. Thank the gods for Annabeth honestly. She can and will go over every single one of New Rome’s legal texts in a few days so she can find the most strategically sound way to wipe the floor with him.

Hazel adores Annabeth. There’s also immediate kinship between them based on them both having difficult relationships with their mortal parent and partially raising themselves.

Also I love the concept of Reyna finding familiarities in Thalia and Annabeth finding ones in Jason. Excellent thought, 10/10. Reyna obviously wouldn’t remember Thalia like Jason does because that makes no sense whatsoever, and Hylla isn’t relevant to the lost hero quest like Thalia is, so if she remembers anyone, it’s probably Jason. (Not sure Jason ever mentioned Thalia, but the child of Zeus combined with the Grace last name doesn’t exactly make it very hard to figure that one out)

This means the wolf encounter with Reyna might be how Thalia finds out her brother is alive. She’s terrified to let herself hope, but also even more motivated to find the roman camp now that she knows both of her little siblings might be there.

Percy probably keeps the curse of Achilles in this scenario also, which is super interesting to me.

Reyna getting her memories back would be very messy for a bunch of pretty traumatic reasons. Her remembering her childhood and Bellona’s prophecy would probably not go over great. She was raised to believe the future of New Rome was on her shoulders, and now she a) cannot even remember where New Rome is and b) the prophecy of the seven definitely isn’t helping

And she feels incredibly guilty about how much of a relief it is to be at CHB and free of all that responsibility, at least for a little while. For all the issues she has with how disorganized and chaotic CHB is, the amount of pressure on her shoulders is different. And these are just a bunch of kids, especially during the winter when only the year rounders are there. There isn’t a whole vast city looking to her for guidance.

And dealing with Aphrodite’s prophecy on top of that, trying to figure out if she meant Reyna wouldn’t find love with Jason or that the feelings she’s starting to develop for Piper are doomed to end in a failed relationship… yeah, it’s messy. She’s sort of convinced there’s something fundamentally broken about the way she loves because it seems so different from how it works for everyone else (pushing my demiromantic ace Reyna agenda here too because I can)

Piper really wishes her mom would stop meddling in her love life for five seconds. (Meeting Aphrodite again in Charlestown when that was where Reyna originally got that prophecy would be super messy, too)

Reyna misses her dogs like hell. Jason is probably dog-sitting and hanging out with them whenever he misses her. I wonder how he’d deal with Reyna being changed by her experience at the other camp? Because he doesn’t have romantic feelings for her the way she did for him, so I don’t think he’d be bothered by Reyna dating Piper, but I do think he’d be hurt by the fact that she abandoned him for other people. It’s not her fault she doesn’t fully remember everything (assuming Jason not fully remembering everything would also be true for Reyna), but seeing that she’s apparently happier with Piper and Leo than she ever was with him? That still stings.

Thinking about a concept where Juno swaps Annabeth and Reyna instead.

Annabeth and Reyna are fine, because they’ve always been able to handle just about anything the gods threw at them. Piper accidentally has her gay awakening via fake memories of a relationship with Reyna and is really confused why her girlfriend is acting so weird. Reyna and Leo bicker non-stop because even without her memories Reyna knows what she’s doing and she’s very used to getting people to listen to her but Leo will not be serious for even one second.

Percy would start fist fighting the gods in the first week. Jason has never been more stressed in his life because he never even wanted to be praetor but it was manageable while he was doing it with Reyna and now he’s alone. What the hell is he supposed to do.

By the time Annabeth shows up at Camp Jupiter, Jason is so relieved someone knows what they’re doing that he immediately asks her to be praetor, now if she’ll excuse him he needs to go have an anxiety meltdown in a corner somewhere

[breelandwalker]

How do I know if I should give up? My spells never work, I haven't been chosen or approached by any deities, and I just feel like I'm not really a witch. Is this just impossible for some people?

Oh honey....listen, come sit by me for a second.

What you're feeling? This is totally normal. And just about every witch I've ever talked to has felt something similar at some point in their practice, including me. Success in spellwork is not a requirement for being a "real" witch, although it is nice when it happens. Contact with deities isn't a necessity either.

To be a real witch, you just have to decide that you are one and practice some form of witchcraft, whatever that means to you. What's most important is that you feel fulfilled by what you're doing, even if that means taking a break from casting just to rest or reflect or research. Sometimes it's hard to feel that connection and fulfillment, especially if things are frustrating or don't seem like they're working, or if you don't really have a community connection to pull you through, but that does NOT mean you're in any way a failure or not a real witch. It just means you've hit a slump.

Let me offer a little advice that might help.

If you're having trouble with your spells, try new methods. Review what you've done before, mark down what doesn't work, and try it another way. See if you can close some loopholes or approach a problem from a different angle. Don't be afraid to start small! SO much of witchcraft lives in the little things we do, and it's not necessary to put all your proverbial chips into big all-or-nothing spells and rituals. It can be as simple as stirring a blessing into your tea or setting your protections when you lock your door. Record what you do and look back at it later. I think you might be surprised by the results.

As for deities, if there's someone you'd like to venerate or work with, there's nothing stopping you from reaching out first. Make an overture, make a petition, say a prayer, put out a little offering. You can do all of these things without being "chosen" or dedicating yourself to a deity. It's perfectly fine to just offer a little praise and thanks or to ask for help when you need it. You don't need permission to say hello. (And I'll let you in on a secret - most witches who venerate deities or work with them? Aren't "chosen" or approached by anyone. YOU can be the one who chooses.)

If you're feeling like you have no spark or motivation, you might try returning to the things that inspired you to take up witchcraft initially. See if that reignites anything, or maybe inspires you to try something new. If you need somewhere to start, there's a tag marked "Advice for Beginner Witches" on my blog with lots of tips and ideas. Also, talk to other witches! Sometimes an outside perspective might help move a block or provide fresh ideas.

Hope this helps! If you have more questions, please feel free to reach out!

[synvil]

Interested // VID : 002 » Viewing Pleasure (( Camgirl! Series ))

a/n : ahhh thank you for the love and support ! <3 feel free to leave thoughts, comments or suggestions, either in the comments or my ask box! :3 picture found online.

btw i can’t fucking think of titles for the life of me.

synopsis : things between you and jj get a little tense. meanwhile another person seems to grow infatuated with you and you’re getting a little excited for your next stream?

agh i’m so bad at titles and summaries ;-;

Vid : 001 // Vid : 003

viewing pleasure m.list

“Add to cart~!”

You squeal in excitement, unable to contain your joy as you make your first purchase online after your payment came in from your first stream.

"Haha, I can't believe it. I can even afford to get same-day delivery."

JJ stands at a distance, watching you with his arms crossed and his lips in a thin line. His eyes are unable to leave your form, constantly trailing up and down your body, always finding itself on the round of your ass. He bites his lip, attempting to be discreet as he taps his fist on the surface of the countertop a few times before clearing his throat. "So, I assume it went well."

“You kidding?” You whirl your head towards him with shining eyes. “It went way better than i thought. I’m so relieved.”

JJ gives a bitter smile, his brow twitching slightly. “So you made some decent money then. That means you’re not going to stream anymore?” He says, making his way over, pulling at his shirt to tuck it over his pants in hopes it covers the visible erection.

“Hmm.. no, I might continue.” You say, watching as he takes a seat beside you, and his brows furrow. “What? I thought you made enough money for rent.”

“well, yeah, but I like being able to make so much money.. and I had a lot more viewers for my first stream than expected.” You reason, setting your phone down after making the purchase. “I mean, I don’t have to stress about finding another job that pays me so little, and with streaming, I can work any time, any day.”

JJ sits up straight as he narrows his eyes at your reasoning. Being able to make money fast was nice but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your body online. “[Name], what about all the creeps online? Who knows what kind of weird old perverts were saving videos and pictures of you?”

Your frown becomes evident on your face, but part of you knew he was right. Streaming wasn’t the safest activity and you didn’t want to sound greedy, but having that much money was more important to you right now. You’d only keep going to make enough to save for bills and stuff, while also saving enough for your own miscellaneous purchases. But..

“I know you’re right but i’ll be okay, J. Besides..” a flush overcomes your cheeks as you shyly look away, feeling embarrassed to admit this to your best friend.

“I kinda liked the attention.. It’s nice hearing and reading everyone complimenting me and liking what they saw. I might do more, but I won’t go crazy with it. I’ll only do it until I make enough in savings.”

JJ hitches a breath, his eyes widening when he hears your confession. It wasn’t anything serious but the way his cock twitches and his heart pounds makes him look away. “You..like showing off your body?”

“Y-Yeah..” You nod in confirmation, pink tints on your cheeks as you look away.

The blonde swallows a bit, holding his breath to gain some control as he turns away. “Shit.”

“JJ?”

“I gotta go. Talk to you later.” He abruptly stands and walks off, heading out of your house and to the door, shutting it behind him as he mounts his truck and drives away.

Your taken back and wonder if your confession drove him away, sighing softly and feeling a bit of guilt filling you up as you turn back to your phone and try to distract yourself.

“Who would’ve thought?..”

Rafe found himself repeatedly looking through your photos on your social media, in disbelief that you were on Kildare Island with him. And it pissed him off knowing how close you were with Maybank, seeing the many pictures of the two of you together.

If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve assumed you two were together.

But how has he never seen you before..? He’s practically grown up with JJ yet he can’t seem to recall ever seeing someone like you around.

Surely he’d remember someone so fucking attractive.. his thumb can’t seem to swipe away from your bikini photos.

Before he could admire any more, Topper sends him a text.

‘Bro, were you watching the link I sent you? Holy shit, she’s so hot. What I wouldn’t give to get a chance to fuck her.’

Rafe scoffs at the text as he rolls his eyes. Of course he noticed Topper's user donating money to your stream as well. Topper was really irritating sometimes. It seems all he could care about was sex and money. You definitely seemed like the type of person who was very sweet, innocent and pure.. someone who he could easily destroy and corrupt from how petite you were, as he hovers over you and slowly travels his hands down to your cunt, the same pussy you were rubbing just yesterday and—

“What the fuck?”

Rafe lets out a shaky breath, catching himself and his thoughts, unaware of his hardened cock in his tight jeans, the desperation to be freed evident from how painful it was becoming.

He brings his hand down and palms himself for a moment, doing anything to relieve himself before he grunts and pulls his hand away. There was no way he was going to be jerking off to someone he didn’t even know existed until now.

“Shit, I need some fucking air.” And despite the restricting pain of his jeans against his cock, he swipes his keys off his desk and heads out, taking his bike on a ride.

"Ugh, so damn stubborn." JJ plops down on his couch, dragging a hand over his face as he inhales heavily. He pulls out his phone and finds himself scrolling through social media. The blonde was sitting at home, frustrated at your insistence to keep streaming. Surely you made enough to cover rent for the next month or so, so why did you want to keep streaming for everyone to see?

It fills him to the brim with jealousy. No one should be looking at you in that way. Much less, a particular kook.

Shit, he was so distracted by you that he forgot what happened during your stream. "Fucking Cameron.. the nerve of that bastard." He scowls, conflicted about what to be more annoyed at. You continuing to stream or Rafe Cameron being one of your viewers.

“Delivery!”

Pounding on the door snaps JJ from his thoughts as he looks up from his phone, thumb instinctively shutting off the device to hide the fact that he was sifting through the photos of you two together. “Comin’!”

With a sigh, the blonde runs a hand through his hair as he makes his way out of his room towards the door. He opens the front door to see a familiar man behind the screen and he feigns a smile. “Rich, always a pleasure.”

Growing up on Kildare meant a lot of the residents knew each other, including the delivery man, who had a mutual disliking towards JJ, grimacing at the sight.

But JJ merely just shares a playful grin. “It wouldn’t kill you to smile, y’know. Afraid you’ll get wrinkles?” He jokes and the man rolls his eyes. “Shut it, Maybank. You’re lucky I don’t throw your damn package in the ocean.”

JJ gasps at that, widening his eyes childishly. “Well, that’s not very environmentally friendly!” He laughs as he takes the box from his hands. “But anyway, what the hell is this? I didn’t order anything.”

“Well, it’s not my problem now.” Rich hands over the device and pen for JJ’s signature. JJ fiddles with the box, inspecting it curiously before taking the device to sign. “What is it?”

Grunting in annoyance, the delivery man swipes the device from Jj’s hands. “The fuck should I know? Piss off, Maybank.”

Scoffing at the rudeness, JJ turns around and kicks the door shut with his foot before walking over to the counter in the kitchen. He finally sees the address line on the box and recognizes his house address but the name piques his interest.

“[Name]?” He murmurs, confusion lacing his eyes as he pulls out his phone. “Must’ve forgot to change it from last time..” He taps along the screen before reaching your contact.

« [Nickname] / Princess 😘😍 »

Out of curiosity, as he’s typing away a message, he goes over to a drawer and pulls out a pocket knife before heading back over to the package. It must've been the package you had ordered earlier.

‘Hey, a package came to my house with your name on it. Think it got sent here by mistake. Want me to drop it off?’

Once sent, JJ sets aside his phone and cuts through the top of the box with ease, expecting it to be some clothes or such you bought for yourself.

But the item inside was completely unexpected.

JJ’s mouth becomes dry as he attempts to wet it by swallowing whatever he could as he looks inside.

Inside the box was a remote controlled, vibrating toy.

“D-Did she buy this for her next stream..?” JJ breathily exhales, his jaw clenching at the way his hardening cock twitches at the imagination of you rubbing the vibrating wand over your clit, and the possible lewd noises you’d illicit.

“Fuck..” Maybe another stream couldn’t hurt. He was conflicted. He couldn’t let you do this on camera, but he’d be damned if the thought didn’t excite him. His mind reverts back to your words.

‘“I kinda liked the attention..”

“Y-You liked showing off your body?”

“Yeah..”’

JJ clears his throat as he closes back up the box, finding a roll of tape in his drawer and securing it back up before setting it somewhere else for you.

As he sets it down, his phone buzzes from a text from you.

‘DON’T OPEN IT JJ! I’ll come by and pick it up soon’

JJ grunts at the message and exhales sharply, turning off his phone. “Too late..” He mutters under his breath.

“Thanks, J. I’ll try and stop by later tonight. Need anything while I’m out?” You take the box from his hands, JJ seemingly uncharacteristically avoiding your direct gaze. Regardless, he shakes his head as he clears his throat, leaning against the doorframe as he crosses his arms. “Hey- So, you’re streaming today?”

You carry the box towards your car, visibly relieved to see it untouched and smile lightly before turning to JJ. “Yeah, why? You gonna try and talk me out of it again?”

“No-! No-“ He clears his throat again when he realizes his outburst and awkwardly scratches the back of his head. “Uh, just- good luck, y’know. I’m sure it’ll be great. And hey- we can reschedule tonight if you’re not feeling up to it.”

You set the box on the bottom of your car in the back and furrow your brows at his words. “Thanks. But we’ll see. I should be able to come over on time if I’m not busy, but i’ll let you know.”

“Of course.” The blonde manages a smile, sending you finger guns before he waves you off. “Drive safe.”

Entering your car, you wave goodbye before pulling out and driving towards the Yacht Club, on the border of the Cut and Figure Eight.

“Dude, you should’ve watched til the end of the stream. It was amazing.”

Topper’s voice is heard when Rafe Cameron steps onto the large dock, walking past various other patrons on the benches and tables, and stepping up to the bar where Topper and Kelce stood.

Kelce shakes his head at Topper’s gushing. “Nah, man, streamers aren’t my thing. I mean, why would I spend so much on some girl i don’t even know and won’t even get to touch.” Kelce notices Rafe approaching and nods at him in acknowledgment. “Hey, you agree with me right?”

“Agree with what?” Rafe says as he stands beside them and Topper scoffs lightly. “You watched the link I sent you right? God, she’s so hot. You should’ve seen what she did before she ended her stream. I bet she’s streaming again today.”

Rafe barely manages to hide his eye roll, his hands clenching into fists. If he was holding a glass, he was almost sure he’d crack it. Something in him stirred the more Topper talked about you, and it made him angry. He had to maintain his self control before he punched the shit out of him.

But it made Rafe confused. Why was he so angry every time Topper opened his stupid fucking mouth? He had the exact same thoughts about you.

Was it because another man was talking about you? It wasn’t like you were his. He hardly even knew you. Is it jealousy?

Tch. Rafe Cameron, jealous? He hasn’t felt jealous since years ago, when his then still alive father was always favoring his sister over him. Rafe Cameron was not jealous.

He barely pays attention to Kelce and Topper, and instead catches a familiar voice nearby.

“Thanks, Sofia. It was actually more helpful than I thought, so thanks for telling me about it.”

“No problem, [Name]. I actually watched it last night, you were great.” Her playful wink makes you laugh a bit bashfully and embarrassingly as you wave it off. “I’m still a bit shy but I think what I bought today will help me a little more this time.”

Sofia slides something across the counter for you and you send a grateful smile as you pick it up. “Thanks. Good luck with the rest of your shift. I should be free this weekend if you’re down to hang out.”

“Actually, this weekend was when I was planning to stream.” She says apologetically and you only grin at her. “I’ll be watching you then. I could learn a thing or two.”

You both share giggles with one another before she’s called somewhere else and waves goodbye to you. You wave farewell and take the item off the counter before turning away.

But as soon as you do so, you meet eyes with someone, who’s staring intensely at you with parted lips, almost like they couldn’t believe you were standing before them.

Giving an awkward smile, you pull yourself away from the counter and turn to leave, heading back to your car.

“Time to go.”

a/n : so ima be honest, i didn’t fully watch every episode of obx, so idk how completely accurate the places are and the availability of pogues being able to just enter these establishments, so im changing it up to just being, whoever’s got the money can come in, even though im sure a lot of country clubs and such are invitations only.

anyhoo hoped you all enjoyed! i’m actually tryna figure out how to get more involvement with Rafe and how to get him introduced- like should he walk up to her or dm her orrr ya. any suggestions would be lovely!! <3

spoiler : i have a plan to invite one of them on stream or one to practice off camera ;)

AH SHIT I POSTED WITHOUT THE TAGS CAN PPL SEE THIS PLS

taglist : @haruvalentine4321 @lilithblackkk @sleepiibunniiii @kiiyomei @mariamadison6-blog @livinobx @doesnt-care

unedited nor proofread.

[amoebab22]

Hard agree on this. Also wtf is Bellara's class?? Mage? Rogue? Why can't she do mage stuff in battle?? Does she just have a cool magic pip boy or....

Really only Davrin, Bellara, and Harding's personal quests make sense.

Analysis of each in no particular order below the cut.

Bellara has to go do calibrations initially (classic Bioware) but you get the sense she does this on the regular because of Cyrian's death, so the fact she "waits" for Rook makes sense because it feels like she does this weekly or whatever so we could just tag along one time. We also find this magic archive with important knowledge which somehow is not a Chekov's gun, but initially I was like okay this is a little forced BUT this could be so useful!!! (But then it's just like, not at all.) So of course we're gonna go help her figure it out but then we run into Cyrian and he's working with yet another evil ancient mage and well, shit, we should probably take care of that. Sure, his funeral might not be necessary, but because he sacrifices himself to defeat the forgotten one, I can see Rook feeling an obligation to him.

(Also, what happened to the Dalish burying their dead because it was more like uthenera? Also why are the Dalish up in Tevinter and Antiva where they could be enslaved? Also why are Tevene magisters not up in Arlathan forest doing their fucked up magic PhDs by stealing Elvhen shit??)

Anyway, then we have Harding, who can SUDDENLY CONTROL ROCKS??? Yeah, that's PRESSING to figure out. And yeah of course she's waiting for Rook to come in case she needs help cuz fuck if she knows how this rock shit works. Going to Kal-sharok (sp?) also makes sense cuz well fuck they've somehow survived the Blight alone for a thousand years (side note, the dude says they had to do terrible things to survive but then I didn't see that explained? I assume cannibalism. But did I miss that explanation? I was ready for some Broodmother shit. I was READY. That quest fucked me up in DAO), which hey, the Blight is different now, but these guys are the Legion of the Dead on steroids. If I was Rook I'd be begging for their help.

Then her whole quest kind of unravels for me. I admittedly got bored. Once she could control the stone it just felt like a ton of exposition that could have been done in a more engaging way. Also why is she going camping in Ferelden with Emmrich when the entire country is basically dead? It would make more sense for us to use her powers to rescue her parents or something? Something hyper personal that's really urgent.

Finally we have Davrin, the most obvious choice to join up. He's a goddamn Grey Warden (Wardens, my morally grey beloveds), and Wardens are sworn to fight the Blight at any and all costs. That's why Clarel could be convinced to do what she did. That's why Isseya was ordered to blight the griffons and ultimately did it, despite hating it and knowing it was evil. That's why the Wardens forced Hawke's father to do blood magic. And that's why a few Wardens followed First Warden Genevieve into the Deep Roads in The Calling to find her brother (which, good book other than the fact that Maric has a weird elf fetish and had never learned not to think with his dick. Loghain was holding Ferelden together tbh). The Wardens are compelling because they're the ultimate "the ends justify the means" group, who are unknowingly weakening the Veil each time they stop a Blight, which could ultimately unleash all of the Blight.

And Davrin is up against this Architect-like blighted creature so yeah, he's not taking that shit on without some back up. And Rook really doesn't want the Gloom Howler or her calling-addled Wardens rolling around. Seems bad when the gods control the Blight. So waiting for Rook makes sense, and a harder fight when you ignore his shit also makes sense.

We could have had Emmrich join up and speed up his timeline on being a Lich supposedly because the power would help the fight, only to find out it's really because he's terrified of dying.

Lucanis should have been more like Zevran: an unwilling Crow who volunteers so they can have some goddamn agency for once in their life and because fuck it, they were gonna die anyway. Much like a Warden, they would have accepted death.

A Shadow Dragon would be down to kill Venatori and super powerful mage slaveholders. I mean, my Shadow Dragon Rook killed slavers too hard for the group. We could take another one of those. A former slave Shadow Dragon would be extremely conflicted about fighting Solas (if he'd been characterized correctly and not retconned into an asshole) because Solas is a former slave who freed slaves. Hell, without sufficient loyalty to Rook, they'd JOIN Solas in a final battle.

Or, frankly? Dorian could join us again. Solas made Dorian a better person. Dorian has an amazing, genius level understanding of the Veil and magic. He kept up with Solas's discussion of magic every time. Yeah yeah, it has to be a new leader, but uh, Lace is there. Dorian would immediately be like oh, another world threatening evil mage? Two this time?? Well, looks like I'm coming out of retirement. Dorian would *struggle* to kill Solas. Solas is the reason (along with possibly Inky) that Dorian is fighting to end slavery in Tevinter. Solas maybe wasn't his friend, but Solas was *right* about so much. And Dorian would have felt the Veil weakening. He'd know. And I think he'd really sympathize with Solas's story of being coerced into being something he's not, into doing things he doesn't believe in, by people that say they love him. That would hit home. And without high enough loyalty to Rook, an Inquisitor who vowed to save Solas and Dorian could turn on Rook in the end. They could side with Solas, see that his place actually makes sense (because it does, in an 'ends justify the means' way. In a 'this is inevitable, and doing it in a controlled way is better than a chaotic collapse' way).

But then we'd have to sympathize with Solas and we'd want to take down the Veil. Which would end the story, and by god EA and Bioware are gonna milk that IP until it's a desicated corpse.

Ok fine you guys twisted my arm (I say to a completely empty room) here's why I think Mass Effect 2 worked and Veilguard tried to copy it and failed.

First up is the complexity of the goal/plot. In ME2, the end goal was simple: Stop the Collectors from harvesting humans. Blast off through the Omega 4 Relay and probably die. Take down as many Collectors as possible before you die. Basically, shoot stuff until it explodes. It made sense that half of the squadmates were just "legendary badass", "legendary badass (green skin version)" and "legendary badass (huge tits version)." You need to kill dudes, so you pick people who are good at killing. There are a few who are better at tech or science, but they use tech and science to, you guessed it, kill dudes. Then you have a few who join due to aligning goals (Legion) or loyalty to Shepard (Tali, Garrus) or humanity/Cerberus (Jacob, Miranda), or they're literally getting paid to be there (Kasumi and Zaeed). But all of them have reasons to stick around, of various importance.

The specificity of the main plot is also relevant here, because everybody in the galaxy is like "oh humans are getting kidnapped? sucks to suck dude rip in piss ://" so it makes sense to recruit whoever you can get. You need help for an issue that (according to everyone who would otherwise help) only concerns you. So you're like "hey are you good at killing? and do you mind dying?" and most of those freaks go "yeah lmao whatever." They're self-selecting, because the cause is so specific and explicitly suicidal.

The suicidal thing also helps explain the loyalty missions, btw. They're not presented as "hey can you umm help? or I'm gonna be distwacted 👉👈" but as "hey man, these people are willing to die on your command, you should probably help them with their unfinished business at the very least." And yeah, the mechanic of "if you don't help they'll fucking perish" remains the same, but the framing is different. In ME2, you're basically helping a bunch of professionals to do this final thing before they die for your cause. It's both a sign of respect and of consideration for them as people, and strengthens your bond with them and their loyalty to you. The way it's framed means that you don't have to do this in order for them to do their job, but doing it helps strengthen their belief in you.

And because the stakes are relatively low (as far as everyone knows), of course the squadmates will respect and appreciate a Shepard who takes care of them more. Of course it builds loyalty. This person isn't just using you as a meat shield for their pet crusade, they're genuinely trying to do what's right and don't want you to die for nothing.

In Veilguard, you're literally told multiple times that you have to do their dumbfuck busywork or else they're gonna throw in the towel. Hey man can you do this thing? Or else I'm not saving the world :3c The stakes being SO HIGH while their issues are SO NOTHING makes most of them look really immature and incompetent, which clashes against the whole "gang of experts" thing. You're telling me this couldn't wait? I have to go into Lucanis' mind and figure out his traumas or else he won't ... hold a knife good? And that will doom the world because he's the only guy who can hold a knife? Okay???

ME2 presents everybody as professionals and experts in their field, but at the end of the day, they're just there to kill stuff. Remove one, and another will be found. The mission is (as far as everyone in power knows) not galaxy-threatening yet, so finding new guys to help would be easy. That's why Shep taking the time to solve their final issues means something and why it earns their loyalty. It shows that Shep cares about them as people.

Veilguard presents these people as experts in their fields, too. They're considered irreplacable in this conflict. And the conflict is saving the whole entire fucking world. And YET, that has to take a backseat to them figuring out what happened to a work colleague or Lucanis' grandma, because none of these experts can take a fucking chill pill to SAVE THE WORLD.

ME2 offers "low" stakes for the conflict and high stakes for the characters, so when it focuses on the characters' stories, it makes sense. You get the impression that it's character drama with a common goal that brings them all together. Veilguard offers high stakes for the plot and low stakes for the characters, but still focuses on the characters, so you get the sense that we're fucking around playing therapist while the world is on fire in the background, and it's presented as totally logical, because these guys can't save the world without a clear mind!! Despite being ... experts in their fields.

That's why, to me, Rook feels like a therapist while Shep feels like a leader.

Anyway, this is the formal end of the post but I wrote more on the specific character motivations of the Veilguard and why they don't work/feel trite to me and how that adds to Rook feeling like they're a therapist but it didn't fit with the rest of the post so under cut.

Another thing is that, while sometimes the problems of the Veilguard are technically higher stakes than the problems of the ME2 squad, there is a sense of "Hey do you actually need me for this?" And that I think is in part to the lacking motivations of the Veilguard. It's so unclear why some of them stick around that it becomes difficult to justify why they wouldn't just leave to fix their own issues.

(For example, Garrus asks us to help kill a guy. The guy isn't dangerous, he's not out there killing people or in possession of a superweapon ready to destroy a city. He's just an asshole and Garrus wants revenge. He could, technically, leave and just kill the guy himself. He knows where the guy is, so what's holding him back? Well, the job is. And Shepard is. Garrus wants Shep's help, because he doesn't trust himself to finish it on his own. He needs somebody to rely on, but he also knows that he can't just leave without Shep's permission, and that Shep needs him, too. Everything is on Shep's schedule, and there's no real time limit. His revenge can wait until Shep is ready to offer their help.

Neve is hunting an old rival who is a blood mage threatening to enslave her favorite city in all da world. It's pretty damn high stakes. But in my playthrough, Neve wasn't counting on Rook's help at all. In fact, she explicitly mentioned several times that she didn't. Yet, she still sat around and waited for their help. She didn't leave to deal with this on her own, didn't even consider it. But why not? What about Rook or this cause is keeping her there, especially since there's canonically time before the next big move and the issue is so high-stakes and pressing? People will die if she doesn't do something, yet she's sitting on her ass waiting for Rook, whose help she isn't counting on, to step up? What???)

Neve is introduced as being hired by Varric to find Solas, which she does. In the tutorial mission. She sticks around after Varric dies because ... she's in too deep now, I guess. She has to help save the world, you see. Even though all she wants is to go back to Minrathous and protect the people there. She wants your help to. Figure out some stuff. The famous big city detective needs the help of a person who's introduced as somebody who "thinks in straight lines" and whose nickname is probably a play on "rookie." She is not getting paid for this. She's doing this out of the kindness of her heart, even though most of her time on screen is spent dreaming of her favorite city in da world. She's not an expert in anything that has to do with the current plot, so she's in-fiction not really vital to keep around. Her role as a mage is made entirely pointless by the existence of Bellara and Emmrich. Supposedly her area of expertise is in blood magic ... despite hating it and not actually practicing it, on account of it being bad and evil. So she's an expert in killing blood mages, then?

Well, no. That's Lucanis. He's the resident mage killer ... who we find in an underwater prison, guarded by blood mages. I get there is a reason for why he was defeated, but the optics aren't great, ya know? We don't really free him as much as we lightly distract his guards, so he can bust out of the prison fully clothed and armored. He's suuper eager for revenge, but he's also been forcefully possessed. But that's okay, because we need his expertise for um. Killing mages. Which is what the Evanuris are. So this random possessed human guy will know better than anybody else how to kill the Evanuris. Sure. He decides to stick around on account of ... the Crows always finishing a contract. Who is paying him? Who is paying the Crows? His gam-gam ordered him to stay, she's basically offering us his services for freeing him. Guy is an indentured servant but acts like it's his choice, like it's an honor thing and not his grandma putting him in the toilet. And when it's time for him to show/offer his expertise in the field, he says "How am I supposed to fight a cloud?" which is fair enough, sure. But have you not fought mages before? Do you not have any reference for them doing weird shit at all? Do you not know how to disrupt rituals, break barriers? In the end, all he can practically do is hold the special knife and attempt to stick the pointy end into his target. Which my rogue Rook or Davrin or Taash chould've done. But gam-gam says to sit so he sits! It's not a very compelling motivation for this epic expert mage killer to just kinda. Stick around out of obligation. It could've been interesting, if he chafed against it or had to be won over, but he's just fine with it. It's treated as natural that this dude, who isn't even slightly an actual expert and is just a glorified knife holder and who isn't practically useful in any sense of the word, is still in the group. It's treated as natural that Rook has to go out of their way to help him clear his mind so he can hold the knife better next time, instead of just finding another guy to hold the knife. Maybe the spirit in him makes him stronger and more capable of fighting mages? No, the spirit is what made him miss in the first place, actually! So you have to help him figure it out or he'll miss again. DON'T ask somebody else to hold the knife though. It HAS TO BE Lucanis. Because he's the mage killer expert. Who missed. And can't handle mages.

Then we have Taash, who we need to kill the blighted dragons. They're the only dragon hunter around and have an encyclopedic knowledge of said dragons. Unfortunately the blighted state of the dragons that are actually necessary to kill are behaving in unexpected and different ways from normal dragons. They're literally manipulated by the Evanuris to be harder to kill. Making Taash's expertise moot. I didn't even have them in my party when I took on two dragons at once, and in fact the only dragons that Taash is presented as capable of killing are ones that they want us to kill. So this expert we recruit mostly introduces more dragons for us to kill that aren't actually threatening us in any way. The main time Taash has to show off their knowledge is when we use the dragon trap ... which was fashioned by Wardens. Who are all trained specifically to fight Archdemons. Who are dragons. That are blighted. Do you uh. Do you see my problem here. Taash also sticks around the Veilguard for inexplicable reasons. Mostly it seems they don't want to go home to their mother, which is fine, but this is a whole-ass adult, supposedly. They could go back to hunting dragons for the Lords, because they're written as too self-absorbed to really care about stepping up to the fight just for the sake of it. So despite them not really being useful in any way to the overall plot, we still have to help them figure out their gender identity, or else they won't be able to ... fight the blighted dragons. Which they couldn't fight. On account of the blight. Cool cool cool.

Then we have Emmrich, who is a professor and has shit to do. He is also presented as a Fade expert, while Bellara is somehow not, despite doing most of the Fade-related and artifact-related magic on-screen. Emmrich joins the Veilguard on account of um. Well we asked nicely, and he's a good guy, so he has to help save the world. Despite the fact that he's terrified of dying. Which he's far more likely to do after leaving his job. And the thing is, yeah, "the world might end so we need to stop that!" is a valid motivation, but if we accept it as the motivation of a central character whose plot we must find compelling, then why is it that it's only a few guys trying to save the world? This conflict is prestented as bigger than all the previous games combined, bigger than (the) Inquisition, which had literally entire armies and different branches and infrastructure for it's "smaller" conflict, and people were still volunteering and joining in droves, but here we're 8 guys? Are we meant to believe Emmrich's willingness to join the Veilguard is somehow unique to him, and that nobody else in the world would volunteer to join? When Harding exists, on the same team?

Speaking of, Harding is a character who can really get away with "I wanna save the world", because her joining the Inquisition is literally how she got into the plot in the first place. She's a joiner. She joins heroic causes. So her having this sort of bare-bones but noble motivation works. Same with Davrin. Bellara seems to join out of both curiosity and guilt, which are interesting enough reasons and come through visibly in her subplot and characterization, but more importantly, she doesn't have anything holding her back that might take priority until she finds out her brother is alive. Her sticking around also makes some sense because she's ya know. An elf mage Fade expert. Or sorry an elf artifacts expert.

I'm not saying "somebody's gotta do it!" or "it's the right thing to do!" aren't valid motivations, they clearly are, but there's gotta be more to it, especially when it comes to characters who have something to lose like Emmrich. My guy is terrified of death but he's such a good dude that he jumps into this life-threatening conflict without a second thought? But then gets so "distracted" by his wacky scientist former colleague that he needs our help figuring it out? Huh???

Um. I didn't have a conclussy for this part of the post so. bye

[remedyturtles]

38 with rise Leo if you're up for it! (Also hi hi I hope you're doing well!)

hey buddy!!!! thanks @fuckedupcleric so much for the prompt! i hope you know that i love you muwah.

wordcount 1.3k, huge tw for self harm, cutting, and hallucinations

38. "Please stop hurting me. Please. Please stop."

Sometimes Leo wondered why he was given a blade. 

The rest of his brothers had rather blunt objects, not including the rather dangerous end to Mikey's kusari-fundo. But Leo carried with himself, every minute of the day, not one but two sharp katanas. He didn't think much of it when they were younger.

But he sure was thinking a lot about it now.

Not like. On purpose. His brain was just a god damn mess after… well. Everything. All his failures lined up in a neat little row. The invasion. All the things that seemed to quite cleanly show everyone he cared about exactly what Hamato Leonardo was made of. 

It wasn't a pretty show. No encore. 

The swords were always at his side. The glint of the blade in sunlight and the cold lick of metal at night. He'd begun to trace the sharp length with the pads of his fingers, feeling the crisp edge. Idly, without much thought, almost meditative. Not even with enough pressure to prick his fingers. 

The promise was enough, just to feel, like stroking the teeth of a beast. There was a bite underneath, if provoked. There was potential. Locked jaw, latched into place, never letting go. 

Leo wasn't going to do anything. That would be stupid. He was supposed to be trying to be better, not worse. His weapons were the manifestation of his love for his family. How fucked up would it be to hurt himself with that?

… how fitting ...

Not that Leo was going to do that. He was merely curious the amount of weight and pressure required to truly injure someone with his weapon. It was an important thing to know, since he was carrying the things around all the time. 

When it was six AM in the morning and he hadn't slept a wink, laying awake and pressing his fingertips on the blade over and over and over and over, just to listen to the promise, just to feel the sing of metal through the small bones of his hand – somewhere in the lack of sleep and the late-turned-early haze, it seemed like a good idea. He pressed that sharp edge braced between both hands against the usually hidden top of his thigh, and pushed. 

Not hard. It made a very thin line. A phantom sting, the appetizer of pain, not even enough to register beyond paper-cut levels. The perfect line looked… well. Like it had been there all along, and Leo was just revealing where it was supposed to be. 

The second attempt was no longer curiosity. He couldn't pretend, when the angle and the pressure spoke of only one thing. Leo wanted to make it hurt.

And it hurt. It bled. He swore, a headrush of sudden understanding, that pain existed right under his skin, he just had to dig it out. 

Leo dug it out. He dug it out. He dug it out.

Maybe there was penance, in the blood seeping from his skin, if he could bleed away sins and replenish into something new. Maybe there was a pledge, in each attempt, like this time it might fix something about him that everyone knew was broken. Maybe there was punishment, because it hurt. 

There was a rush, each time, a chasing feeling. But it did not negate the pain, or the momentary fear replaced by hope, terrible hope. Maybe this time it was too much. How awful and wonderful that would be?

Leo hated the swords, almost rusting with how often he had to run alcohol wipes along the surface to clean them. How impractical they were, when he ran out of surface area to reach without being caught on his legs and had to switch to his arms underneath his wrist guards. Trying to balance the long edge of a sword one-handed and give enough pressure to hurt like it was really meant to was such an incredibly hassle. But it was all part of the lie Leo was telling himself, that this sword, the proof of his connection to his family, had always been a blade because it was meant to hurt himself. To carve him into something better. If only he pushed hard enough. 

Which led to here. Hiding in the bathroom on the floor, trying to find a way to balance his sword for three minutes of release before he returned to the world where he was a fuck-up and a failure, where Raph's eye and Donnie's shell and Mikey's hands were far, far worse off than a few little cuts. Penance. Pledge. Punishment. He breathed shakily, anticipating and anxious for it. Hating that it had turned to carving, like he should be allowed to want. But unable to stop. Perfectly sharp blade humming, the manifestation of his family's love. How apt, how real, how true. Leo set his wrist against the braved edge and prepared to draw across the surface like the graceful bow of a violin. 

"What are you doing?" A soft voice said.

Leo stopped. No, delayed. He flicked his eyes up, body taunt, and saw…

Little legs swinging back and forth. A curious young face leaning over to see better, eyes round underneath red stripes too big for his face. Cheeks still with baby fat, fingers gripping the counter he was sitting on. Hamato Leonardo, or at least, a memory of what he used to be. A child. 

"Go away." Leo told the hallucination, and turned his back. He pulled the blade and the pain sung so loud. 

The child gasped. "Ow!" 

Blood. Leo flexed his fingers to activate the muscles in his arm. A dizzy feeling prickled hot waves from the top of his head downwards. Momentary perfection. Then reality soaked back in, and he readied the blade again. 

"No! Hey!" The young Leo hopped down from the counter and inserted himself in front of his senior, visage hazy but upset. "Stop that!"

Leo grit his teeth. His hand shook. He said, more pointed, "Leave."

"No!" Little Leo stomped his foot, bottom lip wobbling. "I won't! You have to stop! Why are you doing this?"

Leo laughed, cold. The answer to that question would hurt more than what he was about to do. So he sliced again, slow and purposeful.

And Little Leo … wailed. Put tiny hands over his face and sobbed. "That hurts! It hurts!"

Blinking rapidly, Leo watched the new blood appear. Almost dripped on the bathmat before he dabbed with paper towel. There was a burning behind his eyes. Faraway emotions, looking in through a foggy window, pointing out strangers in a crowd. 

His skin prickled. Lightheaded. Heart picking up the pace, tripping over itself, sta-sta-stammering. Almost dazed, desperate for another moment of clarity and release, to chase and chase and chase, dog after its own tail, the blade of love and torment against his skin, and –

"No!" Little Leo scrambled closer, face twisted with ugly tears, pleading, "Please stop hurting me. Please. Please stop."

Leo's hand shook. His breath caught. 

"It hurts." The child told him, hiccuping on uncontrollable sobs. "Please, it hurts. Stop. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please."

His grip trembled. The blood welled and the crisp edge promised its pretty lies. 

"Please stop hurting me." Little Leo whispered. Young and sweet and innocent and right here. Right here. Never went anywhere.

The katana was set down with care. Leo drew his bleeding arm to his chest and heaved for air. He grabbed his supplies but wrapped them with far more care than he ever had before. Shushing quietly between gasps for air, promising, "It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay."

The small space was quiet. The bathmat spotted with flecks of blood. Leo clutched his arm and rocked back and forth, soothing. Self-soothing. He hummed a lullaby, and shut his eyes, waiting for the after-image to fade.

[marksbear2]

Hi if you are taking requests please can u write a lestat x sick reader fic. I saw your sick so i thought it might be fittings. I also want it for comfort because i’m in the same boat rn hah.

Hope u feel better soon :)

Lestat De Lioncourt x Sick male reader

Not much to warn about just fluff and a tiny bit of stubborn reader.

The faint glow of moonlight spilled into the room, casting pale silver upon the disarray of blankets and dampened sheets. You stirred weakly, body weighed down by the oppressive ache that illness had so cruelly bestowed. Fever had painted your skin with a sheen of perspiration, and even the act of breathing seemed an arduous task.

The air shifted before you heard him. That was Lestat’s way—he moved like the wind, unnoticed until his presence was inescapable. He emerged from the shadows near the window, his golden hair catching the dim light as if it burned with its own fire. He was breathtaking as always, a cruel contrast to your frailty.

"You look dreadful," he remarked, his tone as light as it was sharp. The words could have stung if not for the undercurrent of concern that lingered beneath. His violet eyes, so unnervingly bright, softened as they drank in your form.

"I feel dreadful," you rasped, the effort of speaking leaving your throat raw.

Lestat crossed the room in an instant, his movements unnaturally fluid, like a predator finally closing in. He knelt beside the bed, his cold fingers brushing against your burning skin. The relief was instantaneous, and you exhaled shakily, leaning into his touch despite yourself.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were this ill?” His voice had lost its teasing edge, replaced by something far heavier.

"I didn't think you'd care to see me like this," you admitted, closing your eyes against the flood of emotions his presence always brought. Shame, longing, and something deeper you dared not name. "Besides, it’s nothing. Just a fever."

“Nothing,” he repeated, his tone flat. Lestat’s lips pressed into a thin line, and for a moment, he seemed lost in thought. Then, as though coming to a decision, he spoke again, his voice softer. “You truly don’t understand how unbearable it is to see you like this, do you?”

You opened your eyes, meeting his unflinching gaze. There was something in it that stole the breath you didn’t have to spare. He reached for you again, this time cradling your face in his hands. His skin was icy, but you didn’t flinch. Instead, you leaned further into the touch, grateful for the reprieve it offered.

“I’m no stranger to suffering,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper now. “But this… watching *you* suffer? It’s intolerable. Mon cher, I’ve lived through centuries of horrors, yet this—the sight of your pain—cuts deeper than I thought possible.” "Lestat…" Your voice cracked, overwhelmed by the raw sincerity in his tone. “Let me help you,” he implored, his thumb tracing gentle circles along your fevered cheek. “There are ways. You know there are.”

You knew what he meant. He didn’t need to say it aloud. The offer hung in the air between you, a tantalizing promise of freedom from pain and frailty. But you also knew the cost, the weight of eternity that would come with accepting it.

“No,” you whispered, shaking your head weakly. “I can’t… not like this.”His expression darkened briefly, disappointment flickering across his features before it was replaced by an uncharacteristic tenderness. “Then I’ll stay,” he said simply. “Until you’re well. Or until you change your mind.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Hush,” he interrupted, pressing a finger to your lips. “You’ll exhaust yourself with all this arguing. Besides, where else would I be? There’s nowhere more important than here, with you.”

A faint smile tugged at your lips despite the heaviness in your chest. Lestat shifted, settling onto the edge of the bed and pulling you gently against him. His cool embrace enveloped you, soothing the fever’s relentless heat. As sleep began to pull you under, you felt the press of his lips against your temple—a fleeting, tender gesture that spoke of emotions he rarely dared to voice.

“You’re mine,” he murmured, his words a promise and a warning all at once. “And I won’t lose you. Not to this. Not to anything.”

With Lestat’s arms around you, the darkness of your illness seemed just a little less suffocating. For the first time in days, you let yourself rest, knowing that no matter what came next, he would be there.

THE END

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 14 Premium Story

Chapter 14

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

When I returned to the solitary desert castle, Azel was waiting for me, looking down from the upper floor.

His mystical, inhuman eyes were initially lit with a cold color, but perhaps noticing the change in me as I rubbed my eyes repeatedly, the air around him shifted.

Azel: Are you... crying?

Emma: There are circumstances–

Azel: What on earth did they talk about with you to make you cry so much?

Azel: No, is it about me...? I can't understand why you would cry over that little bit of information.

(What do I do, I think he's misunderstanding.)

Just as I opened my mouth to explain, he quickly disappeared into the depths of the building.

Azel returned shortly, holding a wet linen cloth in his hand.

He forcefully wiped around my eyes with the tightly wrung linen, and I let him.

(This isn't an illusion or anything. If this warmth is an illusion, then I won't be able to believe anything I see.)

Azel: Stop crying already, it's an eyesore.

Azel: Did they tell you that I was brainwashing you like some spoiled rich kid?

Azel: But as you know, I only control with money.

Azel: I haven't done anything like secretly burning some strange incense to brainwash you.

Azel: In the first place, people can be controlled much more easily without resorting to such underhanded tactics.

Azel: –No, that's not right. Anyway, you're not the kind of woman to be swayed by others.

Azel: Have some confidence. And stop crying. It makes me look like the bad guy... Well, I might be the bad guy.

Azel, who continued to speak without pause, seemed at a loss for how to deal with a human who kept crying.

(He's probably... trying to comfort me, right?)

(I'm the only one who knows this side of him. That's why no one can believe in Azel.)

*earlier*

Clavis: Emma, do you recognize the scent of this fragrant wood?

A few hours ago – Clavis opened the lid of the small bottle containing the wood piece and handed it to me.

Emma: I don't... recognize it.

Clavis: That's good. If you did, I was prepared to confront God myself.

Emma: ...You're concerned that I might also be under some kind of mind control, aren't you, Clavis?

Clavis: No, no, I'm certainly not doubting love, but...

Clavis: Since we found this, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Clavis: It's quite possible that God is pulling the strings behind the scenes of that gathering.

Emma: But Azel seemed to dislike the apostle.

Emma: Their ideologies are different, I can't imagine them joining hands...

Clavis: Oh? That's news to me.

Luke: Even if what you're saying is true, God didn't stop that riot.

Luke: Even though he could have...

Emma: That's...

Luke: Whether they get along or not, God is condoning the apostle's actions.

Luke: At that point, you could say he's an accomplice, right?

Emma: ...Maybe there's some reason.

Silvio: Ha, you're awfully quick to defend him, ain't ya? Do you like that greedy bastard that much?

Emma: Maybe I've grown attached to him after being around him for so long.

Clavis: Love, huh?

Emma: It's not!

Clavis: Haha, don't be shy, don't be shy. Believe me, I want to support you too.

Clavis: But the situation in Tanzanite is changing by the minute.

Clavis: If God has no intention of stopping the riots and is tolerating the apostle's indirect guidance...

Clavis: It wouldn't be strange if he was plotting something.

Silvio: I think the riots are disadvantageous for God, though?

Clavis: Azel might be finding some benefit within this "disadvantageous situation."

Luke: Whatever the purpose, the scale of the riots might increase in the future.

Luke: Wouldn't it be dangerous for you to be by God's side then?

Emma: ...

Clavis: Your safety is far more important than exposing God's secrets.

Clavis: The infatuation incidents have calmed down recently, haven't they?

Clavis: With the two maids severely punished, no one bothers you unnecessarily anymore.

Clavis: I don't know what happened to you, but now, including Silvio, the three of us can protect you.

Silvio: Don't drag me into babysittin' a woman.

Luke: Don't you want to come back now, Emma?

*back to present*

(Originally, I ended up staying at this temple because of the aphrodisiac incident.)

(I think if I return to the castle now, I'll be treated with respect as the woman God is infatuated with.)

(I don't like that, but as Clavis and Luke said, the situation is changing by the minute.)

(Even aside from those circumstances, it must be a nuisance for Azel to lend me a corner of his private room for a long period.)

(I'm only here because of my selfishness, so I could brace myself and choose to return to the castle... but...)

Emma: I'm... sorry...

Azel: What are you apologizing for? What are you apologizing for?

Emma: I'm not crying because I'm sad.

(...If my selfishness is allowed, I want to stay here a little longer.)

(Until the day I unravel the mystery of the Triple Alliance, break through Azel's illusions, and see the truth–)

Emma: Sand... got in my eyes...

Azel: ...

When I confessed honestly, the linen slipped from Azel's hand.

Emma: It was windy on my way here.

Emma: It hurts... and the tears won't stop.

Azel: ...........

Emma: What should I do in times like this?

Azel: ...I don't know, goodbye, please don't expect God's mercy ever again.

Emma: I'm really in trouble!

Azel: I don't care, damn it.

Emma: You were the one who jumped to conclusions, Prince Azel–

Azel: You're the one to blame for being misleading.

Azel: And stop rubbing your eyes! If there's sand in them, you'll scratch your eyeballs. Are you that much of an idiot that you don't even understand that?

He grabs my hand firmly and pulls it away from my eyes.

Despite his harsh words, he can't hide the hints of worry that surface.

Emma: Hehe... Thank you.

Azel: Shall I torture you with water?

Emma: That's not something a God would do!

Azel: An evil God might.

(Then I'm sure it'll be alright.)

(He's just greedy for money, I can say for sure that he's not an evil God.)

-

After taking a bath, the tears finally stopped, and the foreign body sensation in my eyes disappeared.

Emma: I've calmed down... Thank you.

When I returned to the room, Azel was silently moving his pen at the desk.

Perhaps still sulking, he only glanced at me and didn't reply.

Emma: Is that a divine message?

Azel: Don't ask if you already know.

Azel is always serious when writing divine messages to deliver to the people in the castle in the morning.

He continues to spin instructions without stopping, occasionally checking reports.

Despite calling it a "divine message," I've never seen him use any divination tools, and everything he writes is left entirely to Azel's mind.

Azel: ...What are you staring at?

Azel: You'd usually be reading a book in the corner.

Emma: That's true, but my eyes hurt today, so I don't feel like reading...

Azel: Then sleep.

Emma: It's too early to sleep...

Azel: Then meditate.

Emma: Is there anything I can help you with?

Azel: No.

(...There isn't, huh?)

Even as we speak, Azel's hand doesn't stop.

Only the pleasant sound of the pen melts into the desert night.

(Azel didn't stop the people's conflict. That's a fact.)

(The riot might eventually become the beginning of Tanzanite's collapse.)

(But, if he were a God who didn't care about Tanzanite...)

(I don't think he would be facing official documents like this late at night.)

Living in Tanzanite, you can see that people's lives are surprisingly affluent for a desert country.

This is because trade with other countries is successful, ensuring a minimum standard of living without any shortage of food or water.

Whether it's foreign or domestic affairs, Tanzanite is politically successful.

A part of it – no, all of it is probably thanks to Azel.

The great ship that is Tanzanite is entirely steered by the God.

Listening to the conversations with the messengers who come every morning, I felt like that wasn't an exaggeration.

Emma: ...Prince Azel, you're truly amazing.

Azel: Huh?

Emma: There's no divine message that is completed in an instant with mystical power.

Emma: Since I learned that a divine message is created only after putting your heart and soul into it like this every day, I've come to respect you.

Azel: Well, I'm not putting my heart and soul into it, but...

Emma: You continue this every single day, without rest.

Emma: Not just anyone can do that.

Azel: That's because I'm a God.

Emma: I think it's because it's you, Prince Azel...

The pen, which hadn't stopped no matter what I said, came to a sudden halt.

Azel: Isn't it the same meaning?

Emma: No, it's completely different.

Emma: You said the difference between a God and a human is whether they can predict the future, right?

Emma: Even if predicting the future is what makes a God, it's you, Prince Azel, who puts that into policy.

Azel: ...

Emma: So, it's not the power of a God, but your power, Prince Azel.

Azel: ...I haven't thought about it that way. It's common sense in this country that it's only natural for a God to be able to do it.

Azel: There's almost no one who thinks like you do.

Emma: ...Have I imposed the values of a foreign country?

Azel: Ah, at least it's better not to say that to the people of Tanzanite.

Azel: What you just said is tantamount to denying the mystical.

(Did I make him uncomfortable?)

Azel: But...

Azel: ...I like it.

Emma: ...? I couldn't hear you well...

Azel: It's nothing.

Emma: Wah!

Azel stands up, picks me up, and throws me onto the bed.

As I try to get up, he forcefully holds my head down, burying it in the pillow.

Emma: What are you doing!?

Azel: I'm trying to put you to sleep because you're so noisy.

Emma: I'll be quiet now!

Azel: No, you'll never be quiet.

The hand holding my face down isn't rough, and I can tell he's being careful.

It's unbearably ticklish and unsettling.

Azel: ...Haah, I thought I could finally sleep peacefully alone again from today.

Azel: I can't believe those guys in Rhodolite would send you back to an evil God.

Emma: I was the one who said–

*earlier*

Luke: Don't you want to come back now, Emma?

Emma: I'm sorry for making you worry. But I think I'll stay at the temple a little longer.

Clavis: So love wins after all–

Emma: It's not like that...

Emma: If I'm gone, God will surely cry.

*flashback over*

Emma: –So in order not to make Prince Azel cry, I'll stay a little longer...

Emma: That... hurts, it hurts!

Azel's fingers tighten, and I thrash about.

Azel: That's slander, I'll sue you for damages again. This time it'll be a huge amount.

Emma: But really, isn't it a shame to let go of someone who can cook?

Azel: Not at all.

Emma: It's a shame, isn't it? I could see the tears in your heart, Prince Azel.

Azel: Go see a doctor tomorrow. You're in a serious condition where you're seeing hallucinations.

Emma: ...Hehe.

Azel: What's so funny?

Emma: It's strange, isn't it? Even though you're a God right in front of me...

Emma: I feel like I can be more myself when I'm with you than with anyone else.

Azel: ...

(This is a dilapidated solitary castle, but it's much more comfortable than the royal palace.)

Emma: Maybe it's because you have such a bad personality that I can say anything without holding back...

Emma: Eek...!

Azel, who usually pulls my cheeks, doesn't get angry or reprimand me, but laughs in exasperation.

However, it was a soft smile, like the moonlight.

Azel: Slander again... You're really good at accumulating debt, aren't you?

Emma: ...That might be true.

My heart skips a beat at the gentleness in his mystical eyes, at the sweetness in his voice, and I dive under the blanket.

Perhaps Azel also thought I intended to sleep, as he didn't say anything more, and the calming sound of the pen started to echo through the room again.

(What was that just now...?)

-

(Azel's POV)

I roll the pen on the desk, close the lid of the ink, and head for the bed.

The first occupant was curled up at the edge of the bed.

She was maintaining a precarious balance, just barely avoiding falling off, but a single slight movement would send her tumbling to the floor, prompting a click of my tongue.

Azel: Can you please stop this, day after day?

I carefully lift her body so as not to wake her and move her to the center of the bed.

She's probably unaware of this nightly routine that has become a habit.

Azel: Even so... I bet her eyes will be swollen tomorrow.

Even with her eyelids closed, the area around her eyes, illuminated by the moonlight, was tinged with red.

There's no sign of her waking up even when I lightly trace it with my fingertip.

Azel: Well, it's none of my business.

Azel: ...It's none of my business...

Azel: ..............

As if struggling with something, I furrow my brow deeply—

And then, I gently brush aside the bangs of the sleeping lodger and lightly kiss her eyelid.

Azel: ...There's no such thing as God's protection in reality.

Azel: If this heals by tomorrow, I'm really not human.

Azel: ...........

Azel: ………… What am I doing?

.

.

.

Chapter 15

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[katerinaaqu]

Oh yeah they do here too. I am talking on the day it came out

Hmm I see why that is because during a very dark time of politics for Greece emotions speak louder than cold logic and facts so many of the films might be deemed harmful or discriminatory against people who do follow the communist party and since communism is still a political movement in Greece they don't want to project it out of fear that it will spark such talks. Also that is because KKE as a communist party today it was not the same back in the day of the Civil War. Or at least the name and the original consistency which broke down in many pieces after its legalization back in the 80s if I remember correctly. So it is a matter that would spark a lot of talk. Especially with the role they played before at wars and such which was indeed of contribution and so on and so forth

I have to say that people complaining about "the state stopping them" is commonplace in Greece so i am not sure if there is such a strong political aspect here but since I am not aware of the situation I cannot comment more.

Right and left wing are not so intense in Greece as in other places like USA exactly because we do have many different political parties in Greece now. But again I don't wanna go through heavy political talk. I think the reason historical movies are "not the way they are supposed to" (and that already is a big statement for me as a historian I kinda hold myself back from such statements because history has many ways to be expressed) has more to do with viewers than politicians and politics. Also in difficult times it is important not to point fingers at each other which is often what such movies or shows want to do. It is not bad on it's own on the contrary but it also needs to be made properly.

I don't. We have many powerful productions and again I am against movies and stories that aim to point fingers from all directions (just for the purpose of pointing fingers i mean) because they offen no actual knowledge but increase the polarizing atmosphere. Call me naive but I think a country that has given chance from people from of one part of the spectrum have voice at some point is not THAT much into danger to stop someone from having voice but again maybe that is just me. Dunno. Freedom of speech is something I feel we have but again maybe it is just me.

The point is not to show to people who watch "how terrible the other side is" but to depict history so allow me to disagree with you a bit on that (in the essence i do not like to see the big bad government in every aspect of life even if i know they play their part always) and leave it there because honestly such stories are already powerful and polarizing so I think they point is not to offend or not offend but to show history as it is without being even more polarizing and as I said there are already plenty of political parties in Greece so just talking about "right" or "left" seems already a bit off to me given the complexity of the situation.

Christos Tsagas, Kostas Kazakos and Kostas Karras

As Odysseus, Agamemnon and Menelaus

In Iphigenia (1977)

You can't find a better trio! They look amazing together! Even their heights are perfect! Tsagas is simply Odysseus! Straight out! He was arguably the shortest of the team and corresponding to the description of Homer being like a ram (curly hair and proud posture) and very well built seemingly wider than Kazakos even! Moreover, Tsagas was born in 1939 making him 38 in 1977 when the movie came out! He is simply perfect!

Here's another image with him next to Dimitris Arronis as Calchas and Panos Michalpoulos as Achilles:

Gotta love the cultural details how Odysseus removes his hat within the conference room to show respect the same way that our men remove their hats in churches or during sacred moments (ex. Funerals) to show how he respects the process as well as Calchas as a prophet for his position.

[5targh0st]

NUMBER ONE GIRL

40. loyal and kind (written)

prev // m.list // next

TW: implied sexual activity (I mean it's definitely not smut and is more of a mention of sorts but yeah)

Everything is ready. You've been waiting for this day to come for ages and today you're finally surprising Yeonjun. Up until now, he's always been the one planning everything and making sure you're always having a great time. He even made you a song. So, after all the mess and drama, you think it's only fair to reciprocate his actions.

It was rather awkward, talking about your feelings for him with his friends, but it was also easy and natural. Going on about all of the things you like about him when they also knew that side of him was refreshing. You didn't have to explain your feelings or try to convince them about anything; they understood.

You have to admit how grateful you are for all of the help and support Beomgyu gave you in the last few days. He's an amazing being but that's not something you're gonna tell him anytime soon.

Bringing Yeonjun to the festival without disclosing your true intentions was harder than you initially thought. He wanted to get dinner at a nice place and maybe go to the movies, he just wanted a date night. It took some convincing but he gave in and agreed to come with you to the festival.

Heesung smiles at you and gives you a thumbs up. Part of you wishes that Hyunjin was there, he is great at making you feel at ease, but wouldn't change Heesung does the world. He's been so supportive and caring that you've come to appreciate him in a way you didn't think possible before.

You hear your name being called and you walk up to the center on the stage with Heesung following you closely. You scan the crowd and see your friends cheering you on and, a few steps to the side, you catch a glimpse of Yeonjun's stunned expression. Beomgyu puts his arm around Yeonjun's shoulder and says something in between his laughter.

You feel the heat rush to your face but force yourself to speak. "Hey, everyone!"

Some people cheer but you don't seem to notice, your ahead are sizes on someone else...

"I'm YN and you probably don't know me but I've been here before. I'm part of a nameless band and sometimes I sing alone, although my friends are always here to show their support. Anyway, I'm not a musician by any means but I sing because it's fun and I'm not exactly bad at it.

I'm a photographer. Being the center of attention has been quite the experience, but I don't hate it. And I'm probably talking too much, but I promise it's important.

I take pictures of people and places to express something, I like to capture feelings in a way that everyone can get to catch a glimpse of the world through my eyes. I think I'm the most honest I can be through my photos. Today, however, I want to reach someone in their own language.

There are so many things I wanna say to you, but the most important of all is that I want you, all of you. The good and bad parts, your laugh and tears; I want all of it. I don't care about your past, the only thing that matters is that you're with me now. So, this is for you..."

You turn to Heesung so he starts with the piano and then you close your eyes. "When you think of all the late nights..."

Yeonjun can take his eyes off of you. His smile is so bright and can't even speak. Beomgyu wants to mock him, he really does, but there's this warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest that doesn't allow him to. He's never seen Yeonjun so happy before, not even with Yuna. He's happy for both of you.

"Your mother brought you up loyal and kind

Teenage love taught you there's good in goodbye

Every woman that you knew brought you here

I wanna teach you how forever feels..."

You meet his eyes and you notice this sparkle that wasn't there before. He's glowing and you realize this is what love is supposed to be.

"... but I love you more." People might be cheering but you can't quite hear them. Your eyes just follow Yeonjun and his clumsy attempt to get through the crown and reach you.

"What are you waiting for, dumbass?" Heesung's voice brings you back. And, as if you were set free after a long time being kept in the dark, you run towards that bright light.

You're not sure who catches who, but you're finally in each other's arms. One of his arms secures you close to his body by holding your waist while the other cradles the back of your head. You can feel his heartbeat, as soothing as ever, and you realize it's in perfect sync with yours.

"No one ever made a song about me." He says trying to stop himself from smiling but failing miserably. He just can't hide his happiness.

"I wanted to surprise you." Your hands reach for his face and stroke his cheeks lovingly. How could anyone ever say he's not made for love?

"You did!" His eyes trail down your lips as if asking for permission. Such a sweet guy, but you don't wanna wait so you take the lead.

It's perfect. Maybe a little too good to be true, but you're both happy and that's all that matters right now.

After the festival, some of your friends go clubbing while others just disappear without explanation. You don't exactly care right now. You just go back to Yeonjun's apartment so you can talk.

"So Heesung and Beomgyu helped you?" He's amused at the implications. Of course he knew his friends liked you but them going out of their way to help someone is completely new.

"They did!" You then tell him every detail about the creative process and how good of a teacher Heesung actually is.

"You really mean all those things?" He asks shyly. "You actually wanna be with me?"

"We all have a past; even I've done some things I'm not very proud of. But the thing is that you're not what you did or the people you've been with. And people talk and say mena things but they don't know you. And you don't have to explain anything to me, Jun." You reach for his hand. "We've all hurt others, and we've been hurt. We make mistakes, it's a part of growing up. Of course, people told me some weird things about you, but they haven't seen the way you care for the people you love. They don't notice the way you're always willing to help your friends, or how you always make sure to bring snacks cause you know Beomgyu forgets to buy his own. The way you talk so highly of Heesung and Soobin. That's the Yeonjun I know, that's the Yeonjun I care about."

His eyes fill with tears and you can tell his making a huge effort to not hide from you. "I love you." His voice is so low you almost think he didn't say it.

"I love you too."

Waking up next to him is kind of your favorite thing to do lately. His eyes fluttering and his nose scrunching are one of the most adorable things you've seen.

His arms remain locked around you and you feel his skin against yours. The memories of what happened last night make you blush. You clearly remember his lips against yours and the sight of his bare chest.You're not sure of what happened next but the feel of his hands caressing your skin and exploring your body still lingers and makes you feel at peace. It's kinda weird how you've never felt like this with anyone before. Yeonjun is intense and abrasive but, when you're with him, there's this soft and soothing feeling that engulfs you and you can't help but bask in his harmonious presence.

"Good morning, baby" His sleepy voice is so endearing.

"We're on a pet name basis now?"

"I'm your boyfriend now, so I get to call you baby."

His declaration almost makes you chuckle. You've been someone's girlfriend before and, by extension, you've had boyfriends before. However, no one's ever been so proud of being yours; he's not claiming you, he's devoting himself to you.

"Well then, since I'm your girlfriend now, I get to call you Jun or Junnie."

"Fine, but I get to call you angel and love on special occasions." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"You're so demanding!"

"I never said I was a low maintenance partner."

"Can I still change my mind?" Your teasing tone doesn't go unnoticed.

"Absolutely not! You were the one who said forever first," he tightens his grip on your waist, "so no take backs!"

After a shower and looking through his closet for something that doesn't make you look like a hobbit, he takes you out to get breakfast. If you thought he was unbearable when it comes to paying back when you were dating and even just friends, he's the worst with this whole boyfriend status.

He is your boyfriend after all, of course you're not paying for anything as long as he's here. For him, this is just the bare minimum. He's well aware that you're more than capable of paying, and he's ready to back down if it becomes an issue, but this is like basic boyfriend shit so he's just doing his best.

Seeing you laugh and having fun is enough to make his heart dance in his chest. Truth be told, he still feels like you deserve way more but he's gonna do everything in his power to be more for you.

"What are we doing tonight?" He asks with those adorable eyes that you've come to love so much.

"How about game night with the girls?" You suggest.

"Karina hates me!" He groans.

"She can't hate my boyfriend."

"Fine, but invite Hyunjin."

"Deal."

He's never been only hostile to Minho's friends but after spending some time with them, while respecting their limits, he's come to like Hyunjin. Maybe, under different circumstances, they could've been great friends.

notes:

imma be honest here, I'm hurting myself with all this fluff

finishing this here did cross my mind but we die like men here so pls have fun with the next few wholesome chapters

yeonjun is SO happy

basically everyone is rooting for them and I love it

I'm really happy about this development but yeah let me know what you guys think

taglist: (29/50)

@estella-novella @poetryforthesad @lisaswifey @angelzforu @ihrtlix @gloriousqueenking @domfikeluva @circus-of-thoughts @conwunder @miniature-tragedy @jeonginplsholdmyhand @sh0dor1 @yourenzoo @tkshairband @realrintaro @castingjinx @amara-mars @hwangrfrnd @nujeskz @jisungs-iced-americano @zeizeisjy

[lilac-sweet]

Varric might still be alive and here’s why:

So this is going to sound like massive amounts of copium, but hear me out:

Why does the veil not collapse immediately after Elgar’nan’s death?

It is made out of and tied to the life force of the Evanuris, so with all of them dead it should fall, right? But it doesn’t - it holds long enough for Solas and Rook to have a heart-to-heart. So what gives? Are there some leftover life force from the other Evanuris ? Are they not as dead as we are led to believe? Falon’Din’s owl statues are certainly hinted at being somehow important since we can happen upon multiple of them and see they are tied to some sort of weird magic.

Or has the dagger preserved a fragment of those it has killed (just like it did with Mythal), and that is what’s keeping the veil up? Since all it takes to be tied to the veil is a cut (apparently), it begs the question: can a mortal be tied to the veil?

Lyrium is such an interesting aspect of Dragon Age lore, and it seems to work as a vessel for spirits: it is what the ancient elves used to bind themselves to the physical world; it is what held Mythal’s spirit fragment inside the dagger; it might be what the dwarves are actually referring to when they say they “return to the stone”; it might also be why lyrium sings, and “Isatunol” would be the accumulation of dwarven spirits flowing through the rivers of lyrium within the Titans.

In that way, Varric might actually have been the first dwarf in a long time to “return to the Stone” - and what happens to Harding when she touches the dagger? She becomes something very much like a titan! Her magic might literally be Varric’s spirit coursing through her body - her body does become lyrium-infused as you see in her romance.

So is it possible a piece of Varric lives on in Harding? Absolutely. It would also be another explanation on what the Varric who visits Rook in the prison of regret actually is. If he is tied to the veil he might have had access to the prison somehow. Solas’ blood magic should have ceased by now, since any further use would be unnecessary and cruel (which would be out of character for Solas), and the only other explanation for him being there, that I can think of, would be as a guide that Rook has conjured up subconsciously and is part of the magic of the regret prison just like whichever companions you chose to sacrifice.

Helping to hold up the veil while Rook deals with Solas just sounds like something Varric would totally do (and I can’t help becoming a bit misty-eyed thinking he might be there with us in the final hour) - of course it might be Ghilan’nain’s fragment doing the heavy lifting here, but it’s not nearly as poetic.

In the ending scene we see a picture of Varric in the skies: it might be a way to honor the end of his story arc, or it might be a way to imply him watching over us still (maybe both).

It is going to be interesting to see which direction the next Dragon Age game will take: the Executors and Those Across The Sea seem to have a connection to not only Qunari and the Elven Gods, but to death as well. We hear how everything turns cold around the executors and hear the same whenever we meet a lich or Vorgoth in the Necropolis. We are also told the Watchers guard many secrets, so who knows, maybe the next game will explore more about what happens after death to the inhabitants of Thedas, and in that (lyrium) vein maybe if we’re really lucky we’ll get to dive more into dwarven lore as well.

[bittersweetresilience]

reading year in review

companion post to my writing year in review... thank you @teafig for tagging me in this fun new variation and also always being so sweet... i did more than one for some months because i really have. so. many. bookmarks.

serious active interests at the time, sleeper fandoms or genres or pairings

JANUARY

The Arowana by chesslyfe5eva (Danganronpa, 6,486 words)

When Kiyotaka is born, his grandfather gifts the new parents a baby arowana.

i know, i know. danganronpa fic on here and it's not even komaeda. but this one is so insane it grips me. i've never so enjoyed reading about original characters.

The Dog, Untrained by Anonymous (Disco Elysium, 12,950 words)

An exploration of those Cuno has lost, those he's gained, and those he can't let go.

this and the arowana are both from nemali bookmarks and oh. my. god. they possess me. non linear narratives. minor character character studies.

annotated by ritsukies (Miraculous Ladybug, 4,351 words)

Félix and Marinette share a quiet moment together in the shared space of Adrien's bedroom.

JANUARY WAS FELINETTE MONTH FOR THE COSHRIMPERS. all the fics in this series are killer but this one specifically eats my brain. reminds me of the first few picnics... the start of spouse house...

FEBRUARY

Blueberry passion fruit by @ninadove (Miraculous Ladybug, 5,486 words)

He walked up to the counter, because he could not think of anything else to do. For all those times he had rehearsed their reunion, he had failed to consider the most obvious scenario: Adrien might want to run away once more.

this fic was notable to me because it was the first time i had enjoyed a coffee shop au in quite a while. i did fall a little in love with nina writing.

MARCH

sailor's knot by nailgunstigmata (Dungeon Meshi, 5,345 words)

The dangers of the dungeon are plentiful. Some of them are of the moral kind.

FUCKED UP CHILAIOS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME. this is the fic i remember blowing me away, briefly but for realsies.

APRIL

The Only Love We Keep by @nemaliwrites (Miraculous Ladybug, 6,935 words)

Five times Zoé’s love wasn’t reciprocated, and one time it was.

i'm obsessed with nemali fic. i almost put in pursuit of the uneatable too. this one obliterates me especially. i love zoé so dearly.

Terrycloth Mother by rowdymouse (Earthbound, 4,325 words)

Tony's faced with a hard task: providing Jeff all the love he never got and desperately needs.

i read this fic and it was so good and so chilling it immediately shot onto my all time favorite fanfiction list.

MAY

in the light of the red moon by @purplecatghostposts (Miraculous Ladybug, 29,317 words)

Félix succeeds in bringing Marinette back. Adrien, Kagami, and Marinette are now trapped in an empty world, unless they can either convince Félix to bring everyone back, or do it themselves. Meanwhile, Félix slowly learns of the consequences of pushing the Miraculous of Emotion past its limits.

i can't say more that this fic is literally my émotion dream fic. it's everything i ever wanted for félix.

My choice, despite everything by dezzert (Honkai: Star Rail, 88,188 words)

Episodes of Gepard and Sampo throughout the years, and what they learn about themselves through each other.

such a well written character and relationship study. i was never that into sampard in the first place but this fic makes me understand it.

JUNE

in the heat of the moment by sesame_seed (Honkai: Star Rail, 4,273 words)

Jing Yuan tries not to mind. His instincts are the least important part of him, after all.

AAAAAAAA RENJING TIME RENJING TIME RENJING TIME FINALLY. i'm getting emotional about it. this is one of the first renjing fics that inspired me to write my own renjing. i recommend all of this author's fics, especially on the beach and sandalwood and ash.

only the mountain remains by questioningly (Honkai: Star Rail, 10,195 words)

Ever since his return from the frontlines, Jing Yuan has been acting strange, and Dan Feng and Yingxing can't seem to figure out why.

this one's jingrenheng and it won't happen again but holy shit. i remember texting autumn about a particular line in this one, about yingxing having sex with jing yuan being just one of the ways in which he will live forever, and i'm still breathless about it. holy shit.

Sweet Dreams by vahveroinen (Honkai: Star Rail, 1,059 words)

Sunday teaches Aventurine a lesson.

i wish i had done penacony in july because this is too many fics but alas, i read my way through, like, 10 different tags in june. if i'm limiting myself to one aventurine fic it's this one. i forgot i loved somnophilia until i read this fic.

JULY

在路上 by Sweetie_tianyang (Honkai: Star Rail, 221,914 words)

艾利欧的剧本已然走到终点，在死亡如期而至前，刃想最后做一件事情。

i've been translating this fic for over three months now. it's one of my favorite fics ever and i need everyone to read it right now. it is the DEFINITION of renjing. also, i actually bookmarked it on june 30 but reading took a while and i obviously kept thinking about it and i don't have any other favorites in july. sorry to all the june fics i had to skip.

AUGUST

What Real Human Beings Do by @nemaliwrites (Miraculous Ladybug, 1,029 words)

There are ghosts living inside of you.

nemali, i think we should marry.

人不如猫糕 by breaddog003612 (Honkai: Star Rail, 8,845 words)

景元领养了芝麻酥跟糯米团后，某日跟前男友电刀调情被两只猫糕看到了……

you ever love an author so much they unlock your bestiality kink. every time i get an update from this author i get so happy. i love all of this author's jing yuan harem fics and renjing scenes. blade having a child kink is so so SO unbelievably true. i have to lie down about this.

for the hope of it all by @asukiess (Miraculous Ladybug, 9,000 words)

"in five years, there’s a house on the water. adrien’s fumbling with the rope knot keeping our sailboat tied to the dock. you’re watching him from the sand.” a pause, and then: “alive, i might add.”

autumn writing so good it makes you realize you have to read more classic literature to keep up.

SEPTEMBER

不xx就出不去的房间 by Acat3 (Honkai: Star Rail, 26,389 words)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA okay i admit i have only fully read the renjing chapter of this fic but by god i have reread it constantly. feiyuan too. i need to be more horny.

To bring back the fire in her eyes by @ninadove (Miraculous Ladybug, 2,074 words)

“No drink for you tonight,” Colt announced, the triumphant accent thundering down her spine. “It’s bad for the baby.”

obsessed with this fic and also its sequel. amélie. horror. amélie.

OCTOBER

性与爱的莫比乌斯环 by Acat3 (Honkai: Star Rail, 15,946 words)

this fic is so balls to the walls crazy it actually makes me sick. it's so good. i'm frothing at the mouth over it. it's horrible. i love it. please give me more of it immediately. this is also the fic that unlocked freak time with ishi ni sun and for that i will sloppy it infinity.

waiting room by @mostmagical (Mass Effect, 6,565 words)

When Shepard wakes up after everything, Garrus isn't there. And neither is anyone else.

my favorite nicole mass effect fic... it does remind me of 大鱼 but most of all it reminds me of my mostbeloved. and character study.

NOVEMBER

Alma de araña by @ninadove (The Shadow of the Wind, 2,177 words)

The boy you’ll die for peels away from his thoughts, and smiles.

nina writing has been consistently stunning me but this fic was truly a masterpiece. a plus plus plus. you will enjoy whether or not you know the book series.

i don’t want this to end, i just wanna be your friend by bishakespeare (Night in the Woods, 4,414 words)

Five times Casey saved Gregg and one time Gregg couldn’t save Casey.

uuuUUUUUGGGGGHHAAAAUUUUAAAAAUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAA. i got extremely crazy about night in the woods again, if briefly, and this fic. this fic is everything.

call & response by MOKANA (The Bright Sessions, 30,302 words)

Damien sleeps with every character: the fic.

i CANNOT overstate how good this is. porn with narrative and character study. got me reading top damien. lord almighty.

DECEMBER

reasons to stay by sulkybender (Arcane, 1,927 words)

After a while, he starts to think about reasons to live.

i have to sink my teeth into all of this author's fics. prose so good it opens up the world for me.

aside from my beloved friends whom i happened to tag already, hauling @isabugs @celestialtitania @monpetitchattriste @blur0se @heartfulselkie @coffeebanana into this. show me the fics, spouses.

[writersrkive]

hi!! i just read your spencer fic about telling him not to shut up. i specifically loved the fact that the reader’s first language isn’t english, i feel like the majority of the fandom doesn’t have english as their first language.

could you write something where the reader’s first language isn’t english and they’re having trouble with their paperwork because people tend to use a lot of difficult words, and spencer notices it and helps them out? maybe reader often stays late to finish working because they need to read sentences multiple times to fully understand them?

if you don’t feel like writing this feel free to skip or write anything else <3

(it’s getting late for me here but i look forward to reading more of your work when i come back from work tomorrow :)

have a good day!!

A little help never hurts | Spencer Reid

summary: Paperwork days are hell, especially for you, since English isn't your first language. You don't say anything to any of your coworkers because you're afraid they will see you as incapable of doing your work, but one genius boy might have been looking at you a lot and definitely notices something is wrong. He is determined to help you. An extra help never hurts, right?

genre: fluff, comfort

pairing: early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader

warnings: English isn't reader's first language, mention of reader being from another country (I think that's all, but let me know!)

a/n: Omg, my second request! I loved the idea, thanks! I hope you like it rebel-ezra (does this notify you when I answer your inbox or do I have to tag people when it's not anon? lol, sorry). I'm excited to see how much you enjoy this one, and I'm sorry if it's not as good as you expected. English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.

Happy New Year, reader! I hope you can get distracted a little with this fic if, if you need to. You did it! Next year we have more people, places and things to know, hugs!

important: Are you guys interested in being in a Criminal Mind's tag list for my fics? If that's the case, let me know in the comments, please. I might be doing one if there's enough people.

Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)

The feeling of pressure on your head and the emptiness of your stomach has stressed you since a few hours ago. You didn't have anything to eat since the doughnut and cup of coffee that García offered you in the morning when she arrived. But you weren't close to going home.

Paperwork was always a pain in the ass, but especially for the poor newest member of the BAU. Why is that? Well, your mother language wasn't English, and of course you had a good level —otherwise you wouldn't have the opportunity to study and work in the U.S.A.—, but the documents were too formal and technical given the seriousness of the issues being discussed.

“Shit.” You whispered, typing a new confusing and complicated word on your computer for the third time in an hour.

“Hey, do you want to go to my place after work? Tonight seems like a free night, if duty doesn't call.” Emily had approached you with a warm smile, knowing that paperwork was never easy.

“Thanks, Em. But I think tonight I'm going home to rest. It's been a long week.” But you gave that answer because at that point, it was routine to stay way later than your workmates.

Spencer was coming back from the bathroom, ready to take his stuff and go home. It was really late, so he thought he was the only one besides Hotch in the office. However, he saw you at your desk: your head resting on a dictionary, the computer next to you and several post-it notes stuck in the drawers of your desk.

He called your name twice, but of course the sleep you were immersed in did not allow you to hear it. Footsteps were heard in the darkness. There were just a few desk lamps on, that's why he was able to see your peaceful expression. He touched your shoulder slightly and when you opened your eyes, all you saw was a shy smile.

“Reid, what's wrong?” You asked, feeling your head throbbing.

“Are you okay? You fell asleep.” He whispered.

“Oh… Yeah… I'm okay.”

“Are you sure? You seem pretty tired. It's late so maybe you should go home”

“Don't worry. I have work to get done anyway.” You sighed, remembering how you still had to review a quarter of documents.

“What? But you have been working on this for hours.”

His comment made you blush. Of course you haven't told anyone how hard it was to review every document twice or even thrice to be sure that you didn't misunderstand or mistranslate anything. Somehow you felt that if anyone knew they would criticize or mock you. Not that you thought about your coworkers being mean, but through your journey of learning another language and moving from your country, you met all kinds of people. Also, you didn't want to be seen as weak or incapable of doing your job.

“Today was just a lot, that's all.”

“You usually work quickly, though I think I know what's going on. You keep a dictionary on your desk and usually carry a pocket version in your backpack, the days when you leave work late are paperwork days and you usually close the translator tab on your computer as soon as someone approaches your desk.” He explained looking around your stuff as if he was analyzing everything. “Is it about the language?”

“Yes, yes it is, okay? There, I said it!” Your frustrated tone made Spencer realise how tired you were about the situation. You didn't even try to deny it, you just hid your face around your arms, leaning on your desk —as if you were recreating the position he found you asleep previously—.

“Hey, but what's wrong with that?” He asked softly.

“What do you mean ‘what's wrong with that'? I'm supposed to understand everything that is on the documents, but I become slower because I have to verify and translate information that I don't understand because it is a more technical language.” The words were audible enough to him even though your face was still hidden.

“Do you realize English isn't your first language, right?” He tried to get you to look at him, but it didn't work. “Everyone in this work has difficulties when it comes to other languages. You don't have to feel bad because it's happening to you.”

“Does it happen to you?” Your shy eyes met his.

“Not really.” He answered with a hint of a cocky smile.

“See?”

“Well, I didn't say anything about me, you were the one who asked. Besides, I'm trying to be more sociable.” His comment made you chuckle slightly, but that chuckle became a laugh when you repeated what he said in your mind. “You are really funny, do you know that?”

“A-Am I?” The way you were looking at him, with a tired, yet cute, expression and a little smile, made his heart skip a beat.

“Yeah…”

“Well, I can also be of great help at work. Let me help you with the files.”

“It's not necessary.”

“It is. You need to rest, so let me get started while you go to the machine for something to eat. A little help never hurts.” He whispered, already taking the documents.

“Fine.”

A few minutes later you returned with an open package of cookies. You stopped for a moment, admiring the furrowed eyebrows of the genius boy who was reading the files with a lot of attention. Then you realized how fortunate you were for having coworkers like him. Or maybe was he himself the one who was so amazing that you would never get tired of working with him.

“Agent. Can I talk with you for a second?” Hotch's voice welcomed you the next morning.

Spencer's view followed your figure to the boss’ office and that didn't go unnoticed by his best friend.

“Pretty boy had fun yesterday?” Derek teased.

“What?”

“You know… Penelope said that last night Hotch wasn't the only one who left work late. You and our new colleague had a date at work?” His strong arm embraced the other's shoulders.

“N-No! I thought we were the only ones… No! Nothing happened!” Spencer struggled to say.

“Reid, can we talk?” Your voice made him turn around. He just hoped you weren't angry.

“What is it? Is everything alright?” He asked when both of you walked into an empty hallway.

“Actually, yes. Apparently Hotch received a request from the team's genius profiler to work with me on my paperwork days. So, you are having trouble concentrating on the files because of some headaches and need someone to work with?” As you spoke your tone of voice slowly reflected, with a mocking tone, that you knew perfectly well why Spencer had spoken to Hotch.

“Am… Yeah. Headaches are the worst.” He whispered looking to the floor.

“Thanks, Spence.” You said with sincere gratitude. Spencer looked at you again and felt a weight lift off his shoulders when he realized that you weren't mad at him.

“Sure. Whatever you need, I'm here for you… as coworkers, of course!” His voice got a little higher when he clarified immediately.

You were about to walk past him to return with the others, but then he spoke again. “Do you think maybe we can go and have coffee on a free day? I mean, I can help you with the words that are difficult for you. And, actually, I was thinking that I might need help with your language too. We can help each other, you know?” He gulped.

“Sure. A little help never hurts.” You smiled and walked away hiding a smile while Spencer was left alone, standing in the middle of the hallway, unable to believe that he had just asked you out. “Hotch is gonna kill me if he finds out…”