#i know this inviting me into discourse which i don’t usually do but at this point idc

[myfandomrealitea]

top/bottom discourse in the Genshin fandom is annoying

hear me out, I don’t have anything against people who like one fixed dynamic only. Unless they go out of their way to harass other fixed/switch dynamic shippers

and that’s exactly what happened to a zine artist. The zine is for profit, also still in the making but they announced a guest artist who doesn’t care about strict dynamics, they occasionally lean towards the other dynamic (let’s call it vanilla) but would draw the fixed dynamic (chocolate) for this zine

people who wanted chocolate only were angry about the fact that an artist who leans more to vanilla was invited for a chocolate zine. They called it “false advertising” and “being lied to” and “how can we make sure this person will only draw chocolate?!” and “how dare you invite a VANILLA artist for CHOCOLATE!”

the harassment was so bad that the artist deactivated their twitter and I’m really sad to hear that. What more, there were Chinese fixed shipper in the comments who insulted the zine mods and artist, making comments like “it looks you slept with each other” or “if you don’t get why were complaining, you’re stupid!”

and I’m just like… this is no big deal.

This zine is not out yet. No one lost money, no one was hurt by “false advertising”. The zine mods protect the artist and said switch shippers are welcome as long as they draw the fixed dynamic the mods decided on, which the artist will do or would have done. If you don’t like the product, you don’t have to buy it! It makes me sad that something so little exploded into something so big

Unfortunately this isn't just a Genshin issue. Fans are fucking rabid about top/bottom discourse and it usually boils down to some kind of heteronormative-vaguely-sexist flavor.

You see it most often in ships which have very obvious dynamic and personality differences. The "little sunshine one" is always the super feminine uwu bottom. The tallest one is always the top, though some people like to add a little spice by making them a submissive top.

And don't get me wrong—I'm not immune. I have the odd pairing where I'm more fixated on a set sexual dynamic, but I'm a switch shipper through and through. And I'd certainly never try to dictate that my preferences in fanon are the universal rule.

In all honesty, I'd have cancelled the zine. People need to learn that actions have consequences. If you want the fun fandom thing, you have to be respectful. Too many people have caved to fandom pressure and harassment and just aided in educating people that being cunts effectively gets them what they want. People need to learn there are consequences to ruining it for everyone else.

(Because lets be honest, you are going to be nobody's favorite person if everyone knows you're the reason they lost out on something.)

[russilton]

i am genuinely so curious about your opinion as to why you think merc likes george as much as williams. not to cause discourse but i would actually love to change my mind if george is going to be there for god knows how long.

my impression has always been that merc likes george, but williams loves george. that he is merc's guy but williams' BABY.

(like ngl they didn't make any effort to stop the cyber bullying during the season on his own team's page, which might be minor but it rubs a lot of people the wrong way)

I think it comes down to less weighing up social post vs social post, which is what people often do, and more remembering that both Williams and Mercs socials function fundamentally differently.

Also you can still like whatever teams you want- this post is not me arguing to not support Williams, I still support Williams, I’m just gonna talk about some ways Merc HAVE supported George, and Williams have been the less idealised version people sometimes remember.

We have for a while seen more jokey silly, vloggy content from Williams socials (at least from 2019 on), while we are still, STILL, teaching Merc to pull the stick out of their ass and stop holding themselves to such an aloof standard from 2020 on- compared to other teams. Merc were winning for a long time, they didn’t need to appeal to people they way they now have to as a team winning less and advertising a new driver.

Meanwhile Williams had NOTHING going on for a long time, they were fighting for 19th/20th, all they could do to sell their team to sponsors was provide content people talked about. Mercedes had the name power of Lewis Hamilton, Williams only had George and Nicky for two years- two junior drivers people didn’t know.

I also just… I personally don’t gauge love based on social content alone, since it’s usually run by 2-3 people who have to put out positive content, it’s designed to make you think they love them as much as they can.

Arguably Williams never HAD to defend George the way people want Merc to, vitriolic fan tweets scaled up massively in the 2021 season and Williams was a back of the field team, plenty of people barely knew George existed. George entered Merc at the most controversial time he could, when Max fans were filling their replies with slurs and Lewis fans demanded to know why the fuck we weren’t fighting for a reclassification at the championship- something we now know why they couldn’t but still hurt. When you watch an entire sport break the rules to fuck you, you start making unreasonable demands to do anything to get back at them and make it hurt less. Merc will never satisfy them, and if anything when Merc DID step up to defend George in Singapore and Qatar- people just got madder at George.

When you look down at the team behaviour as a whole… I would really counter your point about George being Williams baby- because he’s been Merc’s baby for double that time.

George was beloved by engineers, drivers, mechanics and upper staff alike, including Nicki Lauda who notoriously used to go to George’s junior series podiums when they supported F1, took him to a black eye peas concert, and called him the future of Merc. He was coached by Val and particularly Lewis on how to drive, George still mentions Lewis’ coaching as what secured his f2 championship and had him coming back from the summer break reborn. The likes of shov, Bono, James v and Mike Sansoni used to tease George lovingly when he did rookie tests for Merc, invited him to run club and team dinners, George even went to the Merc team bowling nights Lewis organised.

My point is, all of the ways Williams yes, does show public past support for George… Merc were doing that behind the scenes. It may seem like they don’t share stuff from George’s Williams past- they don’t have the licenses to show some of those photos, and given that socials are a brand promotion exercise that just serves to promote a team that’s not your own. But in a practical sense they were inviting George into their family and making sure he always felt at home.

You just have to listen to George himself- he said so often last year how he didn’t feel much like he had to settle into Merc because he’d always been with them, long before he was an F1 driver. They are his family, and this is always what HE wanted.

I also have to look at how they treated George trust wise. In 2020 Mercedes trusted George to drive the fastest car in the sports history, Lewis’ car, when he was sick. They skipped over their TWO reserve drivers, Stoffel Vandoorne and Nyck De Vries, to give George a shot, and had to bargain with Williams to borrow him for Sakhir, when arguably Stoff and Nyck would have done more sim work than him.

At the same time, Jost Capito and Williams were trying to find a way to get out of their contract with George for 2021, because they were annoyed George was planning to leave them for Mercedes, and wanted to start working with someone “committed” to them, to the point they approached Kmag about the seat (in his book, Kmag says he called them idiots for it).

It’s theorised George only kept his seat by virtue of the incredibly strict contract Claire Williams tied him into, and Toto/James Vowles threatening Williams within an inch of it’s life. It wasn’t lost on me in the 20/21 season how Jost tended to not always blame their dog shit car for the poor performances, but George and Nicky for not doing more. Hell the way he portioned money in the team was so poor JV is appealing to the FIA for a special grant to upgrade their factory. In 2021 George DNF’d SIX times, mostly mechanical, you can see him disparing in dts about their borderline undrivable performance, but very little changed- but when a fuck up happened they looked right at the drivers.

Meanwhile, Mercedes saw exactly the kind of driver George was trying to be even through the worst car on the grid, and hired him anyway. I’ve seen teams outright throw drivers to the curb for performances they had very little fault in. You can feel how you want about Nicholas Latifi’s confidence in his driving in 22, Williams gave him a car even George struggled to place in for two fucking years, one year with a car Alex just about got by in, and then replaced him with Sargent, who placed lower in F2 than Nicky did.

Nicky has moved on, Williams ARE doing right by Logan now, but a lot of people are only seeing the Williams James Vowles has run. James Vowles who was at Mercedes… longer than Toto. If you want to base Williams current love of George on him, you’re basing it in a reflection of the James who worked with Gwen lagrue to support George for Merc.

You can still love how Williams love George! I do! I like current Williams and I miss James Vowles at Merc so much, but he’s flourishing leading Williams and it’s incredible. I like how silly Williams are sometimes, how they put themselves out on a limb more- but ultimately they have had to make less hard and controversial choices than Merc has, and the one time they did (Hungary 21) George took the choice from them and asked them to prioritise Nicky. Merc has had make choices nobody wants to make- and often panicked and straddled the line in a way nobody was happy with. But to call back to a post @ininininininstayoutstayout made once- when both sides come out of a choice complaining they got fucked over, ultimately you have to reevaluate what the team really could have done because nothing would have pleased everyone.

You can be upset with some of the choices Merc made with George on track over the last couple years, I have been mad at them myself. You can be angry at the mistakes they made with the sakhir pit stop and countless other strategic fuck ups- but none of those were intended results. Nobody at Merc has deliberately targeted George (OR Lewis) for poor treatment, nor did they WANT to make the boys a shitty car.

At the end of the day Merc as a brand poured hundred of thousands or maybe millions into supporting George as a Junior, Toto lead him the the Williams seat, the engineers and mechanics continued to develop him and train him and invite him into the factories and their travel team. He went out to dinner with them, tested their cars. They chose him over Valtteri, who was arguably the safe choice, trusted him, and now George is on their team they support him. Sometimes at a booming volume when George was adjusting, or then punishing himself for things like Singapore or possible controversies like Qatar.

Arguing Merc don’t adore George is like arguing that they don’t love Lewis- if you only look at specific circumstances you can build that idea- but if you look at the longer history it’s abundantly clear that Merc’s employees do fucking love them, they’re just an organisation not a monolith, and really stupid choices happen. And as much as I hate Jost capito, Toto is just as prone to bullshit, just with less “funny”stories about sexually assaulting his employees.

People who want George to go back to Williams are covering over just wanting him to face less backlash, and have less eyes on him, gatekeeping him almost for comfort. I get the impulse, but it’s not what George wants, what he’s fought for, for almost a decade.

Merc are giving him a chance at what he wants, and as bumpy as it’s been it’ll only pave his story as an underdog fight rather than a gifted ride, and they’re doing all that they can to put he and Lewis back up there.

[missegyptiana]

it’s insane that canada gets two dates??? it’s a big ass country!!! this is also true with most south american countries, we usually get one date/two if we’re lucky and our population is massive - buying tickets for international shows is ALWAYS a bloodbath (not even accounting the fact that it’s all held in the same city, such as you mentioned toronto, and we have cross-state traveling expenses to consider if we’re able to snag tickets)

also not to start discourse but i’m pretty sure she’d never do meet&greets in south america lmao her team just wouldn’t allow it

ya taylor did that for rep and harry did it for love on tour and im like what the actual fuck is going thru their teams brains. i’m surprised i even got tickets for both. not only is it huge but there are so many people here it’s insane. plus people travelling from other countries for these shows. taylor used to go to BC, alberta and manitoba and did more than two shows in ontario for red. where the fuck did that idea go? south america is massive and has more than two countries. their teams literally gives no fucks and it shows. and these celebs are getting bigger which means more fans which means more chaos. like taylor didn’t even release canadian dates yet and everyone here is asking me why and i’m like bro i don’t know what’s going on there. so i bought tickets for metlife and now we have to pay for the hotel and travelling. yes it was my decision to even buy them but still. it’s expensive for people to want to see their fave artist in another country. plus the price of the tickets. ya i agree all secret sessions were in the US and ONE in london lmao😂 i mean those are where her houses are but she could rent a place if she really wanted to. but i’m glad she even invites people to her house to listen to an album early like no one else does that

[delightful-to-be-read]

The Narrow Door - Joanne Harris

Not so different after all. Years and years after reading the first two, I’m reading the third in the St Oswald’s trilogy. This one seems to capture more of the magic that I usually feel is absent from her books set in England; they have a more practical tone. Maybe it’s that I know the characters well now.

It’s set in an Independent Boys School which recently invited in girls. Being the third book, there are lots of threads to follow. I went to exactly that type of school, as a girl, and it was fantastic, but the existence of girls in the school is far more marginal in the book than they were in my life. Women on school staff are more of a focus.

The main thread is the disappearance of the headteacher’s brother thirty-odd years before, at a rival school, and the story she tells around it.

Of the three, the misogyny theme really kicks up in this one. Straitley is not a misogynist himself, but he forgives it in others. Archaic practises are highlighted and views of women are shallow and unexamined. One of the two points of view (Straitley being one) is a successful woman - the headteacher - who has really had enough of having to justify herself. I do enjoy how he calls her Headmaster, which invokes a conversation we’ve had in my household - why can’t a woman be a Master? It’s a statement of qualification without an exact female equivalent, like wizard or warlock.

The Queer discourse continues.

Classics is not obsolete. Classics is vital and understanding Latin and Greek is one of the privileges of the privately educated, a central privilege. State schools should be teaching Classics to narrow the gap. Anyone who thinks Classics is useless either has no grasp on the languages or has never reflected on how useful it’s been to them.

The parts are named after the rivers to Hades. I love it.

I’ve read the first two before but not for a while, so I started at the beginning with Gentlemen and Players. My thoughts on those are beneath the cut.

An elegant whodunnit, based around worship of the privileged turning to deep-seated resentment of the privileged. Set in an independent day school (I always thought it was a boarding school and even in the middle of reading the books, I still feel like it’s a boarding school), the POV is split between the unidentified one what dun it and an acute-minded, likeable sixty-five year old Classics master called Roy Straitley.

It makes me glad that I did read this, just after Broken Light. The same ideas are growing in there, but growing in a world that isn’t fertile enough yet.

I always like teacher perspectives in books, even if they’re inaccurate, even if they’re, as in this book, wildly different from my inner-London primary expertise. I know from friends that teaching is teaching is teaching and the behaviour challenges you meet in LEA Early Years are awfully similar to those you meet in Public School Y11. I think I might like books that swap perspectives too, although I’m not 100% sure about that.

It’s set in 2004 and Working Together to Safeguard Children had turned up at that point but I was at school then and for some time after and I know that at least independent schools didn’t hurry to comply.

Drinking at lunchtime is pretty unusual for a teacher now, as far as I’m aware. A sackable offence in some schools, although I don’t think in mine. Teachers not much older than me are shocked at their previous Friday lunchtime behaviour. As soon as the kids are out of the door, what we do is our own business and bringing a bottle of wine to a long cutting and sticking session is a great thing to do, but I think drinking while they’re there has gone out.

One thing: no way in HELL any school in England would allow their alumni to be nicknamed “Ozzies”. We have too much respect for the spirit of the game.

Different Class

Back in St Oswalds, a pretty original plotline focussing on religious trauma, bereavement, mental illness, homophobia, the culture of disrespect towards experts that Michael Gove either initiated or identified before going on to treat experts with plenty of respect by all accounts. The manipulation of vulnerable children. Is a monster born or made?

Again I’m primarily interested in the school. I’m surprised there’s reference to ‘possible police checks’ for staff, as I would have thought the Soham murders SCR would have happened by then. 2005 was so long ago - apparently the New Head doesn’t have a Friends Reunited OR a MySpace account.

Straitley is an interesting character - I’m not easily seduced by tradition myself and I found his attachment to it a bit wearing at first. But then later on, he raises his standard for a friend of his with very progressive ideas and my perspective of him changed: not necessarily someone who is anti-progress but someone with a thirty-odd year career who can tell the difference between jobsworthy flimsiness and genuine positive change. You have to assume that his views are character views rather than author points, otherwise it becomes a distasteful read.

I do identify with him, as a teacher who loves teaching and hates admin. He is generally as joyful in his profession as I am (very) and his edges of bitterness also resemble mine. Those who don’t like teaching enough to stay in the classroom and instead ascend to SLT do tend to love a document. I detest children being given physical rewards for expected learning, as though they are doing it for us - in no small part because I have a sneaking suspicion that in schools where rewards play a big part, the children are indeed the product rather than the customer. I agree that forced conformity, aside from not benefitting anyone, is a distraction from effective learning and if your behaviour management depends on tucked-in shirts and being addressed as ‘sir’, you have no behaviour management at all.

Queerness is a focus, and the religious bullying thereof. It’s relevant to the recent backslide in some states in the US. I must have read this more recently than I thought, because not only is it highlighted, it’s highlighted in pink, so I must have been at least 25. Some of the queer-related things I highlighted are interesting to me now, in the sense that I’m surprised they were of interest to me then. Some of the things I hadn’t highlighted surprise me too, such as the egregious anti-tolerance arguments which seem mostly very tired now, easily debunked. My internal discourse must have been at a less sophisticated stage than I think of it as being.

Although the false reporting is portrayed as an act of aggression against Queerness, I don’t like how often false reporting of sexual assault comes up in fiction. I’m sure it happens in real life from time to time, but I’m absolutely confident that the percentage of reports that a false in fiction is astronomically higher than those in real life. I can think of several, whereas I can’t think of many times a person has been justifiably convicted of sexual assault having been accused from the beginning of the book.

Weird, that they act as though Independent Schools weren’t teaching Classics in 2005. There is a bit of pressure now, cost of living and everything, but in 2005, every Independent School did.

[kryndolyn]

Me or Them, and the Shame Afterwards: The Sympathetic Nervous System's Plight

>Personal Update #2<

[CONTEXT ANSWERS: What is the Sympathetic Nervous System?]

Yeah, I've been in a psych 101 college class before, (twice actually, as I had flunked the first time because I barely did the homework and only got high marks on presentations and class participation) and so today I am familiar with what the psyche bubble labels as our sympathetic nervous system. 

This system exists in tandem with our somatic body. The somatic body is taking in external stimuli from our senses to our brain and spinal cord in general. Whereas the sympathetic nervous system only comes on once certain life-threatening stimuli is processed and perceived in “that way”.  But the sympathetic system also performs functions like breathing, and your heart beating; things you don’t have to remember to do yourself, you just do them. This “independent functioning” is part of this system. And so you can see that these reactive, no-brain needed functions are a wonderful feature of our biological bodies, and since I know myself to regularly forget to wash my face and brush my teeth, it’s good to know some preservation of my body is effectively being taken care of. 

However, most discourse that surrounds the sympathetic nervous system these days is the navigation of what we call the “fight/flight” response. This is the reactive response we have jolted through our nervous system as a response to perceived danger. Your body wants to live, (and feel safe) and it doesn’t always know which stimuli will end it all so naturally it wants to take over and control the situation so as to not toy with that risk. This phrase has actually now been extended to include other reactive responses, totaling it to the “fight/flight/fawn/freeze” responses. And since the sympathetic nervous system is reactionary in nature, usually stemming out of our unconscious control, it makes for interesting spaces to occur where techniques to “bodyhack it” arise as many humans learn to deal with those perceptions of danger, and the actual danger around them. To navigate a conscious sense of self (or lack thereof) alongside our somatic body which is in relation to the sympathetic nervous system. And that navigation is our power; power from another ‘muscle’ that needs to be exercised.

(As someone who plays around with words and makes words/phrases up, I am NOT a professional and am only trying to use language to convey concepts to expand or speak on them, not reach a definitive consensus and what words mean. So if the language I use is unofficial, that’s because it probably is lmao)

[IF YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE Sympathetic Nervous System, START HERE]

All of this to say: I struggle to navigate my own fight/flight/fawn/freeze responses. And the inspiration for this train of thought comes from a recent situation I had with my father.  It was the day before Father’s Day, ironically enough, and for context I live in a small cabin on my family’s property. It was another hot summer day, and I usually spent my time in the nude in the sanctity of my little home. I have already established with my parents to knock and wait for me to come to the door to answer in general. (I personally think it is rude to walk in someone’s private space without invitation) And this has been difficult for them to remember as they both are knock-then-open-the-door kind of people to their children, and have bad habits of treating offspring like pets or like extensions of self. Which is unfortunate for me as an adult human. (pretty shitty for kid me too, but that’s a story for another time) That being said, that day I was in my usual no-clothes, and I was seated at my computer. I heard a knock, and heard my father’s familiar voice call out “Hey!” and so I said back, “Hullo!” and was preparing to get up and put on a robe to answer my door. But instantaneously after that greeting, he opened the door.

I screamed/yelled/(raged?) reactively, as a response.

He shut the door again just as fast, very caught off guard by my response I presume.

I can’t tell you exactly what I was thinking at that moment. 

(Which is probably why practitioners would consider it reactive)

But I felt momentarily, disregarded, and at worst: violated. It felt like a breach in trust. 

I then went and retrieved my robe, heart racing a little, and opened the door to peek out. 

It’s funny, what happened right after or what was said between us in those initial moments seems to have evaded my memory. But all I remember was,

First trying to get him to understand why I had that response, by apologizing and then reminding him that I need a knock and for him to wait for me to open the door. But then I could then see he was already drunk. His presence was not really there. He was barely receiving me at that moment. Just a flustered, and embarrassed man wrapped up in his own complexes of the human condition. The reason he came over to my cabin was he had brought me a nug of weed for me as a kindness. And then that’s when my guilt started to set in. I thanked him in earnest and told him I loved him. I can see he was trying to show love to me in his own way, and forgot how I needed to be loved in the way I had told him. All the while I had to hold back my perceptions of feeling unsafe living here. 

My parents can be explosive and I find it scary. My father, an ex boxer, is very intimidating to me. I don’t want to be “harmed accidentally” as a consequence of him being unable to control his anger. Which he also does not consider him being dysregulated or emotional. (My father really could join the red-pill guys LOL)

Some humans expect their love to just be reciprocated, just as they picture it, without thoughtful consideration to the person in front of us, who may just need something different from us.

“ACCEPT ME AS I AM” 

-is a desperate plea hidden underneath both sides. Mine and my father’s.

But where is the thoughtfulness towards the Other if it is a claim meant for love for them?

I don’t want the weed if it's just an easy substitute for a demonstration of love when I want to know you respect my space.

But this is how it goes in my family. They don’t express emotions or get to know you, or let you get to know them: they just buy you things they think you’ll like, then hang that over your head when they don’t feel the love was reciprocated to the extent that which we assumed it ‘should’ be. It’s so sad, and honestly I find it exasperating.

So in actuality he felt that it was my fault. It was I who had embarrassed him. 

I wouldn’t know the extent of it until he decided to come back later, now belligerent and cruel with his drunkenness.

And it lit my sympathetic nervous system tf UP. All tools for regulation were slipping away from me and I could see he was demanding that he be listened to and that I had no other option but to stand there and be forced to listen to it. (I tried to back up and grab my door knob to go and slowly close it and to try and tell him that I didn’t want to talk with him right now but he grabbed the door and pried it open. And told me “No!”)

The words hurled at me and around me were very colorful language. F-bombs of f*ck and f*ggot were used. References to being too soft because “of your generation these days”

He could barely admit to me that he was embarrassed. I doubt he could even see how this was him taking it out on me.

“So this is who you really are'', was also spat at me with vitriol.

I couldn’t help myself, after he finally turned to leave, waving a hand at me like it was pointless to ‘talk to me’, I could see him about to turn around, and start again but I just said,

“Well, I hope you feel better later” 

-and then slammed and locked my door shut.

I could hear him speed away in his cart that he used to go around the property. My nerves were so fired up, and I felt trapped in that house. I felt trapped in my life. I began to spin wildly out of control. I wanted to hurt myself. Emotions are never taken seriously here so why not just show them my physical dead body to prove that it's real?

I snapped out of it for a second.

“I need help, I need help. Someone, please help me” 

I could feel the child version of myself panicking. I was stuck in that sympathetic response. I could feel rage, but I wanted to fly away from it all. Even the rage. But I was scared he was still out there, or would come back. So freeze was next. Paralyzed by perceiving confinement and fear.

So I did what I do best. I kneeled down on the floor, bent forward, placing my palms on my floor and having my forehead connect with the ground, and erupted into unholy screams. I needed to get all of that energy directed at me, and the energy produced by me as reactions, out of my body. I was so filled with raw anger. Anger that I know could really hurt others. Anger that I used to use to implode on myself as a form of self-flagellation. These days I do my best to just feel it all, until it all runs out. I try not to add to it the shame about being a Good Daughter, or the shame of what a human is Supposed to Be Like, and I tried my hardest to not settle into self-pity or self-hatred.

Oh boy, but Resentment came knocking.

“Looks like they’ve done it again, Kryn. You can’t be that surprised. This is who they want to be. This is HOW they WANT to treat you. Why should you even try to keep your heart open for them if all they're going to do is fill it with their shit?”

And I pushed him aside for now. Whether Resentment was Right or Wrong does not truly matter because I knew I had to deal with that initial hurt at that moment. That I needed to be with myself and validate the pain I was in. But the pain just wouldn’t stop. I got most of it out but I was hyperventilating a little and still panicky. 

Clear-headed enough, I phoned my mother because she is quite literally the only human body out here who I could have a chance with helping me to coregulate and calm down. I am proud of myself for reaching out. And she came over immediately and I did my best to explain everything that had just happened.

To be honest with you reader, I am trying to be happy for myself that I did reach out to my mother, and was received. I just struggle with the uncertainty that I could always “handle myself” better. Even talking to her I profusely apologized for being so worked up. Since my family is one who swallows emotions, I almost feel like it is a common courtesy to overly apologize for myself. Acknowledgement that I am unlike them in this way, and it must be seen as a burden or troublesome for them. This insecurity gets projected outwards in the way I interact with others. And I suppose that leads us to the Shame part of this.

After those moments where parties feel justified in acting out their behaviors through the sympathetic lens, or maybe feeling a lack of control during: once you come back to regulation/ or a sense of groundedness, we are now faced with reconciling who we were in the moments prior. 

And I am still reconciling.

I still don’t feel good about any of what happened. (Other than me reaching out for help)

And I also don’t feel the need right now to be proactive about it.

I just don’t feel completely safe. Yet.

But I have to curate it. One step at a time.

I wonder if this version will have room for Forgiveness.

[imtheiliad]

you know what? it makes total sense that buck is clinging to hen. she and bobby are the people that have been the most constant over the past year- year and a half, and she was gonna leave their immediate family structure, the thing that brought them together, in a much more permanent way than eddie, maddie and chimney. cause he held on so tight to the belief that they were coming back, and they did- but med school and becoming a surgeon is a pretty steadfast commitment that hen was attached to, to the point they had a goodbye party. where buck expressed his worry.

[mazuwii]

Hey! I just found your blog and you’re really talented, I love your head canons, can you write something for these characters: Kenny, Levi, Bert, Reiner, Jean, Armin,, Zeke, , Hange, Pieck, and Miche with a s/o who jokes around a lot and loves to laugh, bonus is she has a weird/morbid sense of humor. If that’s too much it’s cool! I don’t want to be a bother!

Hi, thanks a lot, I really appreciate your support! And don’t worry about sending asks, you aren’t bothering me at all.

Kenny:

Now Kenny has this issue of rarely taking anything seriously but with you it just somehow gets 10x worse.

You guys find yourselves laughing in situations that should not be funny, and don’t get me wrong, it isn’t funny. But you can’t help but laugh.

This one time you were invited to a funeral with Kenny for an old friend. You convinced Kenny to go because well, he’s lost so many friends he’s lost count and it doesn’t bother him anymore. Man has no idea if they’re dead or in prison or in another country.

So I guess in hindsight, convincing Kenny to go was a horrid idea

The second the funeral starts you realised you should have not made eye contact with Kenny. He’s just so fucking annoying, why does his face have to be funny in the worst moments? Especially vice versa. When his gaze meets yours he just gives you a shit eating smirk.

Anyways you both got kicked out.

So in a way, Kenny and you are both a power couple, but in a bad way.

In canon verse you’d be his partner in crime, someone that doesn’t discourage him or worry him when you both lose each other in a fight. He knows you’ll come back, maybe covered in blood but you’ll laugh like the idiot you are.

And that’s the thing he loves most about you.

Levi

Unlike his cursed uncle, he can’t stand it sometimes.

A serious piece of information will be discoursed during dire moments and something in that sentence will somehow always find a way to crack you up. And the side eye Levi shoots you when he sees you’re about to laugh is the kind of glare your mum gives you when you misbehave in public.

Though it is a negative trait in his eyes, he grows a soft spot towards it.

Your darker sense of humour confuses him more than anything though. You lose people that you held dear to you and here you are making jokes like peoples lives weren’t lost- lives that you treasured.

He just can’t see himself coping the way you do. But he’ll go along with it. He’ll never mimic you or discourage you, but he’ll stay silent.

Unless your laughter gets you in trouble- which it usually does. In which, Levi stops you from getting your ass beaten in the midst of your horrendous chortles and begrudgingly tells the other person to just let it go.

You’re lucky he loves you.

Bertholdt

Not one to laugh so much himself, he finds it rather addicting when you make a joke. Without realising, he grows this habit of adopting your sense of humour and it fucks everyone up.

Bertholdt, laughing loudly? Yeah, he’s possessed.

He doesn’t care though, you genuinely taught him to smile more and laugh about the silly embarrassing things in life. And although he’s much taller than you, he looks up to you with pride and a sense of belonging

You’re what he aspires to be and that’s why he admires you so much

Your wicked sense of humour has boosted his confidence to the point that he may still be silent but will snap at anyone with witty comebacks that nobody would have expected.

You’ll proudly watch Bertholdt in a cuss battle with someone and totally hype him up with everyone else because he’s so creative and funny (and also you’re low-key wondering how tf he got into a cuss battle?!)

Afterwards he’ll just laugh and tell you he got it from you. Even Reiner says you’ve rubbed off on Bertholdt to the point his personality is slightly unrecognisable.

Reiner

Another person that you just should never make eye contact with during serious situations- or even yet, be in the same room.

Someone will be crying about their dead fish and you’ll wonder if something is off about the way their voice goes high pitched when they cry and look at Reiner to see if he feels the same. Turns out he was looking at you too, except his cheeks were held in to avoid laughing.

Well that was a fatal mistake, because guess who got shouted at? That’s right, you two idiots

Now, Reiner would usually get up to comfort the person, but since your bastard self got to know him, he’s become a giggle machine.

Let’s just hope and pray you both are never the victim of a black-out or situations where you have to hide from a dangerous person. Because then, you’re really fucked. Especially if other people are hiding with you.

One time, Reiner you and some friends went to a haunted house and you all hid away from the actors in a great but tight place.

Now this would have been foolproof if your friend didn’t fart out of genuine fear. The instant the squeaky noise sounded both you and Reiner began wheezing. If the fart didn’t blow your cover, the dumb laughter did.

They were all pissed at you both afterwards.

Jean

He tries so hard to understand you but he can’t.

You frustrate him so much, he’s stuck to calling you an ‘airhead’ every single time you laugh at something so mundane.

At first he constantly made fun of you for laughing at everything but he slowly grew to love it. You are funny, and you’re annoying but in the loveable way

Anytime he wants to be mad at you he just can’t, you somehow turn every argument into weird parody of a dramatic romance dialog, every play fight switches into salsa dancing with him and it ends with you both laughing your asses off

He’ll never know how you do it but he cherishes those moments and how they stick with him even when you’re not around. While he may be at work, he burst out in giggles at a small memory of you doing something stupid but funny to him.

You’re the type of S/o he brags about, in the way where he puts it in a negative format but it’s clear to everyone he’s making them envious of you.

Armin

Armin is less a bystander and more a victim of your humour.

You are the type to film every moment with Armin, recording every single thing about your day out with him.

But here’s the thing… Armin has this curse in which something bad usually happens when you open that camera, and he’ll usually whine every time you pull it out because he knows.

“Y/n…”

“Whaaaat?” You giggle as you zoom into his deadpan face, “That camera is going to curse our day out…”

“No it won’t, come on you drama queen, let’s go!”

And then he ends up stuck in a swing, you have to call the firefighters and wait for them. Armin preferred you stay silent because he was embarrassed. But you took this opportunity to turn some wii background music on.

Again, he only stared at you with a tired frown, making you zoom in once again

Once you get home, after Armin was rescued, you made an edit of him using the Mario golf cart OST, using only clips where he majorly fucks up. Shit like failed backflips, tripping on nothing, getting his shit rocked by an ocean wave or him being drunk- all that beautiful scenery behind such an elegant tune, what more could he ask for?

In conclusion, he is done with your shit. But he loves you.

Zeke

Zeke is the type to make sarcastic yet hilarious jokes but never laugh at them. For example, when people tell a joke they usually end up laughing at it because they want the other person to know it’s a joke- not Zeke. He stays awkwardly silent.

What’s worse is his sense of humour will be something like, “Alright, I’m going to go put my house on fire.” At the end of a call, and the other person will just ??? You good dude?

I guess you do the laughing for him. You’re the little giveaway that Zeke isn’t being serious. He’ll tell someone something so menacing and sometimes a bit threatening but you’ll start laughing like an idiot. The other person is confused but concludes he may have been joking

This is a trait Zeke loves. Because no one laughs at his jokes. Most of the time they either find him creepy or weird (I think he’s genuinely funny) so it’s a great change to have a little giggle box by his side.

To be honest I’m not against the idea that he’d call you a hyena. He 100% would.

After a long day of work he’ll find you at home and pinch your chin, “How’s my little hyena?” And you’ll prove his point by giggling again.

When the roles reverse and you’re the one making dark jokes, he’ll usually laugh. But the old man laugh. You know what I mean? Chest sounds like it’s on the verge of collapsing and he’s slapping his knee. Come on Zeke.

Bad days are frequent for Zeke so having someone so full of joy is a blessing to him. He’d love it.

Hange

I think when people notice you and Hange are together they just prepare themselves for what’s to come. Automatically, everything becomes a joke.

But you’re both each other’s ride or die. Hange would 100% be the type to wrestle an alligator instead of actually just getting you away from it. No one knows how she got away without getting bitten or remotely harmed but hey, it’s Hange

Season 4 Hange would really need someone like this, when all seems to collapse and hopelessly fall apart, what she really needs to hear is the melody of your laughter, no matter how stupid you think your voice sounds

Pieck

At first, when Pieck meets you you’re both still kids. She’s more silent and go with the flow type of girl but when she meets you shes addicted to whatever vibe you give off.

You throwing jokes and somehow spinning a dark situation into a hilarious and small one, she finds herself attracted to you.

As you both grow up being best friends she learns to not take much seriously, and it’s a great improvement on her mental health since all her job is basically just a vehicle to stress.

During your relationship, I’d say there’s heavy respect from her side. She’s just so proud anytime you’re in a group and make everyone else laugh. You’re a great comedian to her, and a free one at that.

Miche

Even with you around he remains a tall silent giant. Though he won’t laugh loudly, he’ll smirk and huff out of his nose.

That’s the most anyone really sees out of Miche but in private he does one of the loudest dad laughs it’s kind of scary. This silent man than never speaks suddenly bursts out into hearty laughter at a damn dead grandma joke?

Miche even tends to show you off a bit to his friends. With Erwin, Levi, Hange, Nanaba and Gelgar around he’ll use it as an opportunity to remember a joke that matches the occasion.

“Y/n, tell em that thing you said the other day.”

And he’ll just look at you smugly when everyone laughs, even Levi is holding back a smile.

SIDENOTE but if anyone ever commented about your spineless personality, or constant jokes he’d get mad. Just straight up staring them down. What’s it to you if Y/n laughs like a horse? That’s what I thought. Fuck off.

[viscountess-sharma]

Okay but this part of "On the way to the wedding" is gold!

At Kate’s insistence, Gregory arrived in the ballroom at precisely half eight, the ball’s announced start. It meant, of course, that the only guests in attendance were he, his brother, and Kate, but there were enough servants milling about to make it seem not quite so empty, and Anthony declared himself delighted with the gathering.

“It’s a much better party without everyone else jostling about,” he said happily.

“When did you grow so opposed to social discourse?” Gregory asked, plucking a champagne flute off a proffered tray.

“It’s not that at all,” Anthony answered with a shrug. “I’ve simply lost patience for stupidity of any kind.”

“He is not aging well,” his wife confirmed.

If Anthony took any exception to her comment, he made no show of it. “I simply refuse to deal with idiots,” he told Gregory. His face brightened. “It has cut my social obligations in half.”

“What’s the point of possessing a title if one cannot refuse one’s invitations?” Gregory murmured wryly.

“Indeed,” was Anthony’s reply. “Indeed.”

Gregory turned to Kate. “You have no arguments with this?”

“Oh, I have many arguments,” she answered, craning her neck as she examined the ballroom for any last-minute disasters. “I always have arguments.”

“It’s true,” Anthony said. “But she knows when she cannot win.”

Kate turned to Gregory even though her words were quite clearly directed at her husband. “What I know is how to choose my battles.”

“Pay her no mind,” Anthony said. “That is just her way of admitting defeat.”

“And yet he continues,” Kate said to no one in particular, “even though he knows that I always win in the end.”

Anthony shrugged and gave his brother an uncharacteristically sheepish grin. “She’s right, of course.” He finished his drink. “But there is no point in surrendering without a fight.”

Gregory could only smile. Two bigger fools in love had yet to be born. It was endearing to watch, even if it did leave him with a slight pang of jealousy.

“How fares your courtship?” Kate asked him.

Anthony’s ears perked up. “Your courtship?” he echoed, his face assuming its usual obey-me-I-am-the-viscount expression. “Who is she?”

Gregory shot Kate an aggravated look. He had not shared his feelings with his brother. He wasn’t sure why; surely in part because he hadn’t actually seen much of Anthony in the past few days. But there was more. It just didn’t seem like the sort of thing one wished to share with one’s brother. Especially one who was considerably more father than brother.

Not to mention…If he didn’t succeed…

Well, he didn’t particularly wish for his family to know.

But he would succeed. Why was he doubting himself? Even earlier, when Miss Watson was still treating him like a minor nuisance, he had been sure of the outcome. It made no sense that now-with their friendship growing-he should suddenly doubt himself.

Kate, predictably, ignored Gregory’s irritation. “I just adore it when you don’t know something,” she said to her husband. “Especially when I do.”

Anthony turned to Gregory. “You’re sure you want to marry one of these?”

“Not that one precisely,” Gregory answered. “Something rather like it, though.”

Kate’s expression turned somewhat pinched at having been called an “it,” but she recovered quickly, turning to Anthony and saying, “He has declared his love for-” She let one of her hands flutter in the air as if waving away a foolish idea. “Oh, never mind, I think I won’t tell you.”

Her phrasing was a bit suspect. She probably had meant to keep it from him all along. Gregory wasn’t sure which he found more satisfying-that Kate had honored his secret or that Anthony had been flummoxed.

“See if you can guess,” Kate said to Anthony with an arch smile. “That should lend your evening a sense of purpose.”

Anthony turned to Gregory with a level stare. “Who is it?”

Gregory shrugged. He always sided with Kate when it came to thwarting his brother. “Far be it from me to deny you a sense of purpose.”

Anthony muttered, “Arrogant pup,” and Gregory knew that the evening was off to a fine start.

[shibaraki]

# 𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

My direct messages are closed to anyone that is not a mutual or someone I’m commissioning. But always feel free to chat in my inbox! I only ask that you follow my rules.

STATUS: SLOW REPLIES ‼️

— I am not here to engage in drama or gossip, please do not send me asks about other individuals. Hateful asks toward me or any other writers will be promptly blocked. I don’t answer ‘favourite mutuals’ or ‘ship your moots’ prompts as I don’t want to accidentally leave anyone out. I won’t reply to nonsense re: aged up characters, pro/anti ship or discourse about dark content. If you want my stance then read this post.

— I will not respond to NSFT asks or thirsts from anons or blogs without an age indicator. This is for my own peace of mind and safety.

— I sometimes struggle with reading tone. So if you think your message is a little vague or you just want to be sure, please use a tone indicator.

— I am a person with my own issues and life outside of the internet and despite how I come across online I am pretty skittish. I promise if I don’t follow you yet it’s nothing personal. I’m still happy to hear from you!

— Please don’t use my inbox to trauma dump. I ask you do not bring topics such as EDs or proana, self harm, suicide, abuse or rape into my inbox. You can find my hard no list here. Do not attempt to roleplay with me on this blog, sexually or otherwise. Me being a part of the BDSM community isn’t an invitation to harass me, but I will accept questions about kink.

— Do not demand a ‘part two’, if I have not stated that the fic is multi chapter then usually it means that story is done and won’t be expanded on (unless people ask about that au, which I’m always happy to ramble over). I do appreciate the interest but please check my WIPs page. I don’t take writing requests — they will be deleted.

— Do not send me reposted fanart. I love having art shared with me but please ensure it is via a link to the original post. To err on the side of caution, please do not hyperlink things when sending them to my inbox, instead send the full link e.g https://www.tumblr.com

"why didn't you answer my ask?"

You broke one of the above rules

It made me uncomfortable or I couldn’t read the tone or I didn't know how to respond <- brain no work it isn’t personal I promise

Your ask did not show up on mobile and so I did not see it until I got on desktop

You ignored my hard limits

It got lost or I don’t yet have the energy

I am just being a slow poke!!

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Nine

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: reading canon eris discourse literally makes me dizzy but in this fic he's pretty chill

***

“Any plans for Thanksgiving?” Emerie asks as they stroll between the shelves of the library.

Nesta runs her finger down the spine of a textbook on corporate law. “Not really,” she murmurs distantly.

She’s been doing her best not to think of the upcoming holidays, in fact. Cassian is going to Velaris for Thanksgiving, and of course Feyre invited Nesta as well, but…

She’s always ignored her sister’s holiday invites, but this year is different. Cassian, a recent constant in her life, will be gone, enjoying himself for the first time in months without her presence. And Nesta will be at the cabin alone, because of course she can’t celebrate Thanksgiving with Feyre’s found family. Being friends with Cassian hasn’t changed that.

“Well,” Emerie is saying, “a bunch of us can’t go home for the holidays for one reason or another, so we’re hosting a small Friendsgiving at my apartment. You’re invited.”

Nesta glances at her, surprised. “Who’s going to be there?”

“The same guys from drinks night: Eris, Justinian, Isaac. Maybe a plus one or two if we’re lucky.” She elbows Nesta. “Maybe a girl for me to take home.”

“I thought the party was at your home already?”

“You know what I mean. Anyway, are you coming?”

Nesta purses her lips. “But you said it was a Friendsgiving. Those guys aren’t my friends.”

Emerie looks at her like she's insane. “Uh, why not?”

“Because,” Nesta states, “we’ve only had one real interaction all semester.”

Emerie scoffs. “You talk to them all the time in class, Nesta.”

“Yes. Out of necessity.”

Emerie raises a high brow. “That’s how you view spending time with us? A ‘necessity’?”

She’s upset, and Nesta doesn’t know what she said wrong. “That’s not what I meant,” she tries to say.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just…” Nesta shrugs. “I thought it took more to make friends than a single night out.” Those are the rules, right?

Emerie narrows her dark eyes at her. “I’m sorry we’re not up to standard, then. But for your information, those guys liked you. I’m sure they considered you a friend.” She turns to leave, but Nesta is so stunned she can’t even try to stop her. The click of Emerie’s heels resonate long after she’s gone.

“Hey,” Cassian comes up to her later that day. “About Thanksgiving—”

Nesta drops her dinner plate onto the island with a clatter. “What is it with everybody and Thanksgiving?” Her voice is unnecessarily loud.

Cassian blinks. “Well, it’s only a few days away—”

“I know,” she says. “I’m fine staying home alone. We never celebrated Thanksgiving growing up, you know? It’s really not a big deal.”

“Will you let me finish, Nesta?”

Nesta presses her lips together.

Cassian takes a breath. “I think you should— I would really love it if you came to Velaris with me this weekend.”

There’s a silence as he waits for her to answer.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says after a moment.

Before he can press the subject, she blurts, “I already have plans.”

“You do?” Nesta can’t tell if he sounds disappointed or surprised.

She straightens her back, lying through her teeth, “Yes. Some friends from school are getting together for a Friendsgiving, and I’m going.” She almost bites her tongue on the word friends. She doesn’t even know what that means anymore.

“That’s amazing,” Cassian says, though he still looks a little taken aback. “I’m glad.” He looks down at the marble counter then, trying to smile. “Sucks for me, though.”

Nesta huffs a laugh. “Please, like you won’t be having fun with your friends whether I’m there or not.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but why go for half the fun when I could go for double?”

“That’s not how math works,” she snipes.

Cassian grabs a fork so he can sit down across from Nesta. “Don’t you ever bring up correct math in this house again.” He points his silverware at her threateningly.

From there, they can devolve into their usual dinner habit of bantering that leads to more serious conversation. Cassian has recently been on a French movie binge, Nesta learns, and even though she despises the French, she listens closely to his analysis of each film and offers her own thoughts back. She even promises to rewatch one or two of his favorites at a later time. The giddiness he gives in return makes her almost wish she had accepted his invitation earlier, if only so she could keep making him happy.

God. What is he doing to her?

Later that night, Nesta pulls out her phone and opens up her messages with Emerie. She doesn’t want to have rejected Cassian just to end up staying home alone all weekend. She types out five different messages and erases them before settling on an apathetic, Is the invite for Thursday still on?

Emerie takes her time to reply, likely to punish Nesta. After some minutes, she finally texts, Yes.

It’s all she can expect from Emerie, and it’s all she needs to see.

Nesta: I’ll be there.

***

“Cassian!” Feyre swings open the door with an overjoyed smile, ready to greet him.

He laughs and steps in for a hug, going so far as to lift her feet off the floor. Because damn him, even with his conflicted feelings towards Feyre lately, he’s missed her. He’s missed all of his friends, even though he’s found something precious while he was away from them.

He’s ushered into the penthouse, which Feyre and Rhys insist on calling an “apartment”, as if that softens the blow of their extravagant wealth. Cassian and everybody else goes along with it, however, because the rich have committed worse crimes. At least that’s what Nesta says.

“Rhys is out getting last minute beer from the gas station,” Feyre says as she takes his overnight bag. “And you’re the first to arrive, which means I have you all to myself.” She whirls on him with a predatory gleam in her eye. “Tell me everything about the last two months with you and Nesta, ASAP.”

Cassian’s heart starts racing at the unexpected interrogation, but he laughs it off and shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just roommates.”

“Well, I know that.” Feyre rolls her eyes. “But what is it like? How is it going? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

Before he can answer a single question, Feyre goes on. “I haven’t heard from either of you in eons, it feels like. Is Nesta still picky about her foods touching? Does she get upset when you play music too loud? Does she—”

“Jesus, Feyre,” Cassian interrupts loudly. “Not everything in my life is about your sister. Give it a rest.” He takes his duffel bag back from her.

“I’m just curious!” she says indignantly, but Cassian is already heading up the winding stairs to his guest room, going as fast as he can without outright running.

“I need to get washed up!” he announces before Feyre can make him stop and come back for more questioning.

In the safety of his bedroom, he releases a breath.

If Cassian thought keeping Nesta’s health issues from Feyre was difficult, he couldn’t have predicted how painful it would be to hide his feelings for Nesta. Still, he doesn’t dare expose what he can’t yet define, especially not to his nosy-ass friends. Some things just aren’t matters for gossip.

***

Nesta hesitantly enters Emerie’s small studio apartment to a party in full swing; “full swing” being Justinian and Isaac playing video games on the couch while Emerie is in the kitchen area attempting to make drinks. Nesta stops near the kitchenette and crosses her arms, surveying the scene. “Something about this doesn’t look right,” she says aloud. Emerie doing the hard work while the men play? Antithetical to her very nature.

“I know,” is all Emerie says without looking up from whatever hellish concoction she’s whipping up. “But I’m the host, so this is my role.”

“Hey, Nesta,” the guys speak up together, not taking their eyes off the TV. Isaac is the first to break his concentration from the game, glancing at Nesta and doing a double take. “Woah, you look good today.” Is he blushing?

Emerie finally looks up at that, eyeing Nesta’s modest black dress. “A little funeral-chic, but still hot as ever, babe.” Right after, she makes a face at the term babe. “Nope, I tried it and I hate it.”

Nesta hates it just as much, but goes over to help Emerie with what she now realizes are oddly colored Jello shots. She picks up a little plastic cup with dark jelly in it and wiggles it around. “What color is this supposed to be?”

“Brown.” Emerie blows a piece of escaped hair out of her face. “They were supposed to be Thanksgiving themed.”

Nesta surveys the shots arranged in various fall colors. Definitely an interesting choice for a twenty-four year old law student, but what did Nesta know about parties?

“Where’s Eris?” she asks casually as she helps arrange more cups. Her argument with Emerie is far from forgotten, but the two women are too alike for their own good. They’ll ignore the lingering tension until it dissipates, and that will be the end of that.

Before Emerie can answer Nesta’s question, a loud bang comes from the entryway as the already open door hits the wall. Eris Vanserra sweeps inside in his designer coat and sophisticated boots, followed by a new, striking face. “It’s fucking freezing,” he announces, just as the new guy quietly shuts the door behind them.

“You’re late,” Emerie says in her usual flat tone.

“I had to pick up my twerp brother.” Eris tilts his head toward the redhead behind him.

“I didn’t ask to come,” the new guy, Eris’s brother, chimes in.

Nesta is perked up now, angling to get a better look at him. Same hair color, same eyes, different skin tone from Eris. He looks like the relaxed, unpretentious version of his brother. Someone pauses the video game.

“I’m Lucien,” he awkwardly raises a hand.

Justinian looks at everybody else. “I’m confused— does this mean we can finally replace Eris’s punk ass?”

The thought of an unexpected guest first makes Nesta clench up, especially when she’s seated right next to the damn guy at the dining table. New people means everything about the regular social routine will be changed up, and she isn’t at all prepared for it.

It takes maybe fifteen minutes for her to realize that Lucien is nothing to worry about— much quicker than she’s ever warmed up to a stranger before.

He has the affected quiet confidence of someone who would rather be anywhere else but here. No one knows that mask better than Nesta.

Against all odds, she’s the first to initiate a conversation.

“Why are you here?” she says bluntly.

No hello, no how are you. Fuck, this is why she doesn’t talk to people.

Lucien looks surprised at the sudden acknowledgment, but answers, “My plans got cancelled at the last minute.” His mouth tightens as he looks toward his brother. “So Eris dragged me here instead.”

“You don’t like your brother?”

Lucien narrows his eyes at her, defensive. “Is this an interrogation or something?”

Embarrassment heats Nesta’s face, but she hides it under her usual cold stare. “Never mind.”

She turns back to her food, refocusing on an anecdote Isaac is giving about a girl he met the other week. A moment later, Lucien says lowly, “I can’t stand my brother.”

She laughs a little too loudly at that, and everyone looks at her.

Isaac grins. “See, Nesta thinks it’s a funny story.”

Nesta frowns. “No, I don’t. You told it last week and no one laughed.”

His face falls. Eris laughs out loud at him, and Emerie tosses wadded up napkins at both men. “You’re both deeply uninteresting. Let’s talk about me.”

She launches into a heated discussion about how she plans to defeat “that bitch Brian” for the internship at Velaris’s biggest law firm next summer, with Eris interjecting that she wouldn’t survive a day in the big city. Nesta turns back to Lucien. “I understand how you feel.”

“You hate Eris too?”

“No, but I have sisters.” Eris is nice, if a pretentious asshole at times, but she empathizes with Lucien either way.

He raises a brow. “And you’re here for Thanksgiving instead of with them?”

For the first time all night, Nesta remembers that Cassian is having fun in a spacious penthouse with Feyre and Elain and the others, likely eating much nicer food than store-bought turkey and Jello shots, and she almost deflates. Almost. Because as much as she enjoys this— spending time with people that belong to her, not Feyre or anybody else— there’s a hollow space in the room that Cassian usually fills. She doesn’t know how she can miss someone and be this thoroughly content at the same time, but she tries not to ponder on her feelings.

She shrugs at Lucien’s question. “We’re all here instead of with our families.”

What would have been a thirty-minute meal on Nesta’s own stretches into a long night of full bellies and fuller conversation. Justinian demands a toast in honor of Friendsgiving, and Emerie tells him not to pull that cringy shit, but everyone ends up raising their small Jello shots to clink against each other.

Thanksgiving might be Nesta’s favorite holiday.

***

Cassian doesn’t know what this feeling is: the itching, nervy sense of impatience that plagues him the longer dinner drags on. All he knows is that tonight Mor’s laughter is just a little too loud, and Amren’s quips are just a little too sharp, and Rhys’s stories aren’t very interesting for once.

Nothing about his friends have changed, but somehow, Cassian feels different. Empty. He can’t stop thinking about what Nesta is doing right now.

He checks his phone under the table for the sixth time in three minutes, for what, he doesn’t know. Maybe she’s in trouble and needs his help. Maybe she’s having a bad night and wants to talk to him. Maybe she’s just bored and thinking about him.

None of this is true, evidently, because his phone remains dead silent.

“Cassian.” It’s Elain’s gentle voice that draws him out of his head. “What’s it like having a roommate for once? I know you and Nesta love being alone.”

He nearly jumps out of his skin. “Alone? No we don’t. Why would we love being alone together?”

Elain looks at him like he’s grown a new head. “I didn’t mean alone together. It’s just that you’ve always spent your time boarded up in that mountain cabin on your own, and before Nesta moved in, she wouldn’t leave her apartment even to see me.”

“I never thought of it that way,” Feyre butts in. She whirls to Cassian with her hands under her chin. “All this time I was wondering what you and Nesta living together would be like, and I didn’t even consider you guys avoiding each other.”

Cassian scoffs a laugh but doesn’t know how to respond. He just wants Feyre and Elain to stop poking at this raw, fresh thing in his life before his nerves get worse, so he turns to Amren and brings up the thing he knows will shut everyone down: work. “How much longer is Rhys gonna have you playing double agent at Adriatic?” She’s been acting as brand ambassador to the West Coast-based conglomerate for the past five months, playing nice while gathering information on Night Court Inc.’s biggest competitor.

Groans resound around the table, but Amren’s eyes brighten frightfully. “If he keeps me there any longer, I might end up staying for good.”

Rhysand smiles thinly. “Amren has a crush on their new CFO. If she keeps going on about Varian’s pretty face I might pull her out of Adriatic by the end of the year.”

Just as Cassian is about to convince himself to care, his phone vibrates in his hand. Everything tunes out as he sees Nesta’s name on the screen, attached to a new text. He clicks into it.

A picture of Nesta and her friends around a dinner table pops up, smiling and laughing. His heart catches in his throat at the image.

“What did we say about phones during dinner, Cassian?” Rhysand interrupts just then.

Cassian stands up quickly, stammering, “Uh, I just need to answer this call— it’s important.” Azriel is staring up at him like he’s lost his mind, but Cassian doesn’t notice or care as he rushes out of the room with his phone in a death grip, overcome.

Alone in a hallway bathroom, he lets himself look at the picture again, hungrily absorbing every detail he couldn’t catch the first time around: her face is flushed and her hair is down, wilder than usual. Her smile is so rarely genuine that it kills him a little just to see it; he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or pained that she’s having such a good time, that she isn’t missing him like he’s missing her. A sharp-faced girl that Cassian assumes is Emerie is holding the camera, likely having stolen Nesta’s phone to demand a picture, and the two women are surrounded by guys he doesn’t recognize. Except—

The face beside Nesta’s catches Cassian’s attention, and he clicks to zoom in. “Is that Lucien Vanserra?” he mutters.

Elain’s ex gets to hang out with Nesta while he doesn’t? This is fucked.

He doesn’t have a reason for his actions as he shoves his phone into his pocket and exits the bathroom. He just knows he needs to get out of here, away from this place that’s so far from Nesta’s heart.

His keys and coat hang near the front door, and he can hear Feyre’s voice from the dining room. “Cassian? Where are you—”

The door slams behind him before she can finish.

***

Being the only one who refused to get drunk off Jello shots, Eris offers to drive Nesta home for the night.

While Lucien is passed out in the backseat without a care in the world, Nesta is so awake she can feel her nerves buzzing. She knows as soon as she leaves this car, the bittersweet loneliness that comes after a party will set in, but for now…

What a night. She sighs and lets her head fall back against the seat, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Damn,” Eris lets out a low whistle as he pulls up to the mountain cabin. “This is your place?”

She lifts her head, realizing she’s home. “Ah. It’s only a temporary living situation,” she explains. “It’s my— friend’s place.”

“Friend or sugar daddy?” Eris smirks.

Nesta scowls, grabbing her stuff and pushing open the door to leave. It’s not Eris’s fault she’s unable to take a joke about Cassian, but that doesn’t change the sensitivity of the topic.

“Hey, wait—” he calls after her.

She pauses to look back at him. He hesitates, then says, “Good night.”

“Take care of your brother,” she directs. Stepping out of his fancy car, she shuts the door and raises a hand in goodbye, watching him pull away from the cabin.

Alone in the driveway, Nesta stands under the moonlight for a long moment, letting the chill seep into her bones. She’s dawdling.

She pauses again at the front door, her hand on the doorknob. The dreaded loneliness is already coming over her, crawling over her skin and making a home in the cage of her ribs.

A whole weekend without Cassian.

Maybe she should have asked Emerie if she could stay over for the night, but a part of her knows it would have been futile. Emerie can’t replace Cassian’s constant presence, no matter how much Nesta likes her.

It’s only three days. She steels herself and unlocks the door, prepared to be greeted by darkness and hollow silence.

The first thing she notices when she steps inside is the sound of crackling, followed by a warm glow from the living area. The lights are all off, but the fireplace is ablaze.

Nesta’s brows furrow, confused, but then she sees on the couch— “Cassian?”

***

a/n: i know justinian and isaac are names for side characters that sjm has used before but in this case they're completely different ocs.

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja

[whitehotharlots]

A movement that cannot be criticized cannot achieve positive goals

The hardest part of talking about malignant trends on the broad left is that, well, you’re not allowed to talk about them. It’s no exaggeration to say that criticism has become fully conflated with violence. If you attempt to engage critically with a left-liberal writer--regardless of how thorough and respectful you may be, and regardless of how powerful, public, or insulated the subject of the criticism--you will be accused of dismissing and erasing the writer, of inciting violence against the writer, and of committing some form of genocide against whichever identity groups the writer belongs to.

Conversely, if you don’t provide specifics, you’ll be accused of making stuff up. The same people who claim it’s an act of aggression to ask for proof when they make claims of victimization turn into immense pedants the moment they encounter a heterodox opinion. 

Unsurprisingly, a discourse milieu in which critical analysis is forbidden is a prime breeding ground for unsustainable (and even horrific) behavioral standards. Never mind improving the world that exists outside their sphere of influence... these people are perpetually on the brink of destroying their allies, their institutions, and themselves.

Today I dug into an especially profane case that highlights both of these points. It’s a matter of public record, so I hopefully won’t get accused of “doxing” anyone for discussing it. It’s also the sort of story where if someone cares about it, they’ll have an opinion of it within a second or two of reading a headline describing what happened. This means it’ll only be of interest to the sort of cranks who read this blog. My goal here isn’t to express outrage or advocate for one side or other--although it is outrageous, and you won’t have to try too hard to see which side I favor. Instead, I’m going to try to move beyond that, to use this instance as a broader cautionary tale in regards to the more horrific tendencies of the identitarian left, and to begin formulating some means of resistance. 

In other words, this might get boring. Even more so than usual. 

The story involves a court case, documented here, in which a young man named Kieran Bhattacharya is suing the University of Virginia Medical School. Mr. Bhattacharya (a white supremacist name if I’ve ever heard one) was subjected to formal censure, repeated psychological evaluations, suspension, and eventual expulsion. This all happened because he raised some concerns after a White Fragility-inspired panel on microaggressions.

This is one of those cases where both sides are going to assume there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface and, like I said, are going to be disinclined toward actually reading the available evidence. Thankfully, the court brief is fairly exhaustive and--importantly--the account provided in the brief has received the approval of both plaintiff and defendant. To stress, everyone involved in this case agrees, legally, that the account provided herein is an accurate picture of what happened. Additionally, we also have audio of the initial microaggression seminar (Mr. Bhattacharya’s comments start at around the 28:30 mark), as well as of the pursuant committee meeting that ended in his expulsion. 

Here is the initial exchange, as documented by the brief:

Bhattacharya: Hello. Thank you for your presentation. I had a few questions just to clarify your definition of microaggressions. Is it a requirement, to be a victim of microaggression, that you are a member of a marginalized group? 

Adams: Very good question. And no. And no— 

Bhattacharya: But in the definition, it just said you have to be a member of a marginalized group—in the definition you just provided in the last slide. So that’s contradictory. 

Adams: What I had there is kind of the generalized definition. In fact, I extend it beyond that. As you see, I extend it to any marginalized group, and sometimes it’s not a marginalized group. There are examples that you would think maybe not fit, such as body size, height, [or] weight. And if that is how you would like to see me expand it, yes, indeed, that’s how I do. 

Bhattacharya: Yeah, follow-up question. Exactly how do you define marginalized and who is a marginalized group? Where does that go? I mean, it seems extremely nonspecific.

 Adams: And—that’s intentional. That’s intentional to make it more nonspecific . . . . 

After the initial exchange, Bhattacharya challenged Adams’s definition of microaggression. He argued against the notion that “the person who is receiving the microaggressions somehow knows the intention of the person who made it,” and he expressed concern that “a microaggression is entirely dependent on how the person who’s receiving it is reacting.” Id. He continued his critique of Adams’s work, saying, “The evidence that you provided—and you said you’ve studied this for years—which is just one anecdotal case—I mean do you have, did you study anything else about microaggressions that you know in the last few years?” Id. After Adams responded to Bhattacharya’s third question, he asked an additional series of questions: “So, again, what is the basis for which you’re going to tell someone that they’ve committed a microaggression? . . . Where are you getting this basis from? How are you studying this, and collecting evidence on this, and making presentations on it?”

You can listen to the audio if you like. There’s nothing there, in my opinion, that is not captured accurately in the written description. Bhattacharya does not yell or raise his voice. He sounds skeptical, but in no way violent or threatening. Nor does Adams, the presenter, signal that she is experiencing anything that approaches fear or trauma. 

Immediately after the event, a professor who helped organize the discussion filed a “Professionalism Concern Card”--a cute academic euphemism for a disciplinary write up--against Bhattacharya, alleging he had displayed a troubling lack of respect for differences (the irony here probably does not need to be explicated).

Soon after that--literally still the same day of the panel--Bhattacharya received an email from faculty asking him to “share his thoughts” so as to help him “understand and be able to cope with unintended consequences of conversations.” The tone of the email is polite and professional, but the text hints toward an attempt at entrapment. You’ll see this a lot in woke spaces--invitations to come to an understanding with one another that are, in actuality, attempts to get a person to say something cancellable.

Bhattacharya took the bait, and, well… 

During Bhattacharya and Peterson’s one-hour meeting, Peterson “barely mentioned” Bhattacharya’s questions and comments at the panel discussion. Dkt. 33 ¶ 73. Instead, Peterson attempted to determine Bhattacharya’s “views on various social and political issues—including sexual assault, affirmative action, and the election of President Trump.” 

At this point, the kid was fucked. He soon after had an uneventful-seeming meeting with a dean. Two weeks after that, a separate panel found him guilty of “patterns of unprofessional behavior and egregious violations of professionalism” and strongly encouraged him to seek psychological counseling. 

Pre-Trump, Bhattacharya still probably would have been fine if he had just kept his head down, gone to a couple therapy sessions, and maybe issued an empty apology. Since 2016, however, the rules have changed. An accusation is now absolute proof of guilt and no amount of ablution can save someone in a vulnerable position. 

Eleven days after receiving the ostensible suggestion that he receive counseling, Bhattacharya was informed that he would not be permitted to return to classes until he had been evaluated. A day after that--before even having the opportunity to seek the mandated counseling--he was given a mere 3 hours notice before having to attend another disciplinary committee meeting. 

This meeting found that Bhattacharya’s continuing behaviors were proof that he posed an imminent danger to the campus community, although the committee did not bother to explain what those behaviors entailed. His behavior was simply noted as “unusual” and this was proof that “Any patient that walked into the room with [Bhattacharya] would be scared.” The following day, Bhattacharya was forcibly removed from campus and told he could not return until he had been screened. He was, subsequently, not allowed to receive sanctioned screening, because of his status of having been removed from campus after being deemed a security risk.

Again, none of what I have described is an exaggeration. None of these details are even being contested. 

Now for my own conjecture: the problem isn’t that anyone genuinely believes Bhattacharya poses a threat to anyone’s safety. The problem is that he attempted to question the ideological firmaments of contemporary anti-racist training. These firmaments are protected with aggressive viciousness precisely because they cannot withstand scrutiny. Had Bhattacharya merely scoffed at them, or even if he had been outright condescending and dismissive, he probably would not have received such a severe punishment. The problem was that he was right, and his accusers knew it.

Understanding speech in the manner prescribed by the peddlers of microaggression theory cannot possibly be codified in a way that won't result in arbitrary punishment. Bhattacharya’s experience demonstrates that with horrific irony. 

The assertion here is that the intention of a speech act should have no bearing on how we adjudicate the morality of that speech act--such a point was made repeatedly in the initial discussion, and stressed once again after Bhattacharya’s concerns have been raised. This standard contradicts how we've processed the morality of speech for centuries, but that's what people are very explicitly demanding.

How is this workable, when literally any statement could, conceivably, be considered offensive by at least one individual? This, I feel, was the point Bhattacharya reaching toward. If you were to say, I dunno, "I love trees" to a group of 1000 people, 999 of them could regard that statement as benign. But what if one person takes offense to it? What if they work in the lumber industry, or they were molested by guy in a Smokey the Bear costume? What if that person then files a report accusing the tree lover of offensive speech? Will the speaker be disciplined? Or will the powers that be take intention and effect into account?

Of course, we're not going to criminalize all speech in this way. Like all extreme and broad-reaching disciplinary standards, this one will only be selectively evoked in order to punish people with heterodox opinions and/or those whose presence threatens the status quo. Someone who says something much more incendiary, like "all men are rapists" or "white people shouldn't get social security" would not receive a reprimand regardless of how much offense their statements caused, because they're saying something that's acceptable in our current milieu. And right now, the least acceptable speech is that which shines a light on the manifest flaws and hypocrisies of corporate anti racism. 

Back to my hypothetical example, if the tree-loving speaker was on good terms with everyone, the complaint would most likely be ignored. But if he had said or done other things that for whatever reason displeased the people in charge, the specious accusation could still ruin him. What's worse, the person who filed the allegation of offense might not have even actually taken offense at the statement--they were just looking for a way to get rid of him.

Bhattacharya was attempting to voice legitimate criticisms about a political movement whose suggestions are functionally unworkable and that, even if it were implemented fully and uncritically, does not contain even a hypothetical explanation in regards to how its goals would result in improved racial equality/equity. Because of that, he was cynically labeled dangerous and expelled from a public university. 

You'd think a group that obsesses over power differentials and their own marginalization would have some grasp of this. Regardless of which side you fall into with this particular culture war, it should fucking terrify you that a movement that’s been tasked with addressing pressing social problems is designed in such a way that any substantial criticism is met with aggressive punishment. 

There’s no way you can win if this is you is how conduct yourself. This is why we’re losing. This is why even if you get all the censorship and deplatforming you can ever dream of, even if every major bank and multinational corporatation professes fealty to your movement, you will still lose. Because there’s no way you can win. 

[evarcana]

Courtiers + Christmas

Sorry, dear anon, it took me ages 😓 well at least I did it before xmas, right?

To avoid the whole discourse about why the bunch of demons and one morally corrupted human are celebrating Christmas, I should say that this is based on the MC inviting the courtiers to celebrate together.

Valdemar🎄😈

Not like they usually pay attention to silly human holidays. But if it is you inviting... “how delightful” - of course Valdemar is coming. The problem is that in their millennia of existence being busy with their research they sort of missed out on what Christmas was about. “MC, don’t give me that look, this is all fairly new”, you don’t even want to what is old for them. But it’s Valdemar so they lock themselves in dungeons and put all their inhuman determination into researching Christmas.

Valdemar’s research is ...advanced. After they excitingly start telling you whether you knew that red in decorations symbolises blood, you decide it’s time to intervene, hand Valdemar list of gifts to buy and encourage them to return to their usual work (who would believe you would ever say it).

They turn to the party/dinner dressed as Santa (or whatever equivalent). Are you shocked? Erm yes... But why are other guests loving it ?! Well they did become sort of xmas expert in less than a week so you guess it’s okay. Expects lots of stories on how Christmas celebrations developed over the last centuries.

Charms your grandma or elderly auntie by being the only person capable of listening about their chronical conditions and actually engaging on the topic. Your little niece/neighbour’s kid loves them too - they expertly removed all those bits of turkey leg they don’t like to eat in less than 5 seconds. Everybody loves them. But Valdemar still spends most of the time telling what a fascinating specimen you are.

When it comes to gift exchange part, you are glad that they only added a few medical books, plague masks and antiseptics to the list, could be worse.., but where is yours present? “You, my little silly duckling, are on the naughty list this year” with this Valdemar gently throws you in their sack grabs you and excuses you both from the party. You try to protest but they only say that they played along for long enough and now it’s their turn to play little game with you. Oh well you can leave early one year, it promises to be worth it.

Valerius 🎁🍷

Every year Valerius receives plenty of invitations to winter holidays parties arranged by the nobles but this is the first time he got invitation to something that personal. Tells you that he needs to check his diary and finally reluctantly agrees only because “there was a rather unfortunate cancellation”. But really in his head he is like “Omg does it mean that I am part of the family now? Cancel all plans NOW.”

Then he learns that you plan to have Christmas dinner/party at your place. The consul of Vesuvia to go to that ...shack?? That’s unthinkable: The party will be in his estate, yes he knows that it’s incredibly generous of him to offer and no you cannot refuse.

And this is when things are getting extra. You know that crazy neighbours competitions whose Christmas lights are brighter and decorations are better? That’s Valerius, although he has nobody to compete with really. The massive xmas tree got delivered from who-knows-where and who-knows-how in 2 days, and there is no red, golden or green decoration item left in stock in entire Vesuvia, oh and some the palace’s best cooks suddenly took a sick leave for a week (no it was Valerius promising them triple wages).

You ask Valerius not to get any expensive presents, otherwise you will feel bad, he did indeed agree that it was reasonable suugestion. Everybody gets presents more expensive than life. The guests surpringly find Valerius a very good host, this might have something to do with those gifts which were definitely extra or with the fact that everybody got merry in like 20 min thanks to all the fancy wine. Valerius is gossip central, argues about politics with your annoying uncle and plays board games with children.

Insists that it would be better if you stay overnight and not travel home late. Falls asleep in chair with drink in hand like an old man. Later that chair somehow migrates to the hallway by the guest bedroom, under the strategically placed mistletoe. Wait, where did red silky robes come from? All planned. Let’s hope that the unfortunate relative of yours is not staying in the same guestwing.

Vlastomil 🎅🏻 🪱

It’s lovely of you to invite him but he is a busy worm man and cannot really leave his children alone. Maybe he can just stop by? “No, MC! Don’t get offended!!”

Then he learns that Christmas is usually about family, does it mean that his children can come as well?? Ugh while you are mumbling something about that worms may not be very comfortable at your place, Vlastomil decides that the Christmas party will be held in his garden so the worms everybody can enjoy it.

Prepare to have a ...thematic Christmas. There is white xmas tree decorated with the shimmery worms and candy canes which have worms wrapped around them. Okay, even you are not the biggest fan of worms you have to admit that the ice sculptures of worms are quite impressive. He even has little nativity scene but with the worms.

Everybody receives crystal tree decoration baubles with live worms inside. Everybody is shocked. Vlastomil explains that it’s only stocking fillers and there are more gifts. (Also crystal baublesare only for transportation, the worms need to be free range, how dare you). The actual gifts are... amazing. Somebody got a scarf that they liked but didn’t have enough money to buy on that day, another person got a album of pin up pictures of snake women even if it was supposed to be a secret interest of theirs and you got that sparkly princess teara you cried for your parents to buy at age 5 but they never did (cmon, x years later, you still like it).

Some little child says that Vlastomil is like Santa with how you he magically read people’s wishes (there there, little one, it’s just the power of gossip), but Vlastomil is vibing: wiggler gets elf outfit from somewhere and you get lots of invitations to “come to sit on Santa’s lap”. Yes you can stay there after all the guests leave (and yes you can keep your sparkly teara on).

Volta 🍪🥛

Was secretly dreaming to be invited since at least October. But is still genuinely surprised when you ask her to come. She asks tonnes of questions: who else is coming, are you sure they would like Volta, what are you going to do, will there be food?

Volta wants to help you with all the preparations. Not like she is super useful but she did dig out from the piles of stuff in her estate and bring you lots of old tree decorations and some nice tableware. She basically spends all your time with you in the build up to Christmas: you decorate the house together, make gingerbread houses (well more like you made one house from the 1000s attempt, they all got eaten before they were actually completed) and pack gifts for everybody.

You warned all the guests that there going to be lots of food this year, and no you finally don’t need to worry about what to do with the leftovers and crying “end me, I am sick of having xmas food for 10 days in a row” because they are not going to be any leftovers. But you didn’t expect Volta to turn up with even more food. “Volta does not want anybody to starve on Christmas!”. She surely eats lots but she is also looking after other people lots, passing them plates with food (just imagine her holding it with both of her tiny hands) and topping up their drinks, she wants everybody to enjoy the dinner.

Everybody at the table is talking of how adorable Volta is, and nobody can even hide tears when Volta presents little hand made gifts that she prepared herself. But Volta humming Christmas carols? How does she even know Christmas carols? This is illegal level of cuteness.

Volta wants to stay to help you to clean up when the dinner is over. It’s quite and it’s only two of you. Oh you might still have some sweet things in the cupboard.

Vulgora🔥🌟

At first super excited to be invited but the next second they ask what is Christmas about and what does it involve. You decorate, eat, chat to people and exchange gifts? That sounds awfully boring to Vulgora. Can they at least smash the tree in the end? What do you mean - NO?!?!

Eager to help too. They need to use their energy somewhere. You are not sure whether it’s the type of help you wanted. You asked them to carry the xmas tree from the market? There are 5 trees in front of the house, one of which is like is almost 10’ tall. You asked them to chop some wood for the fire? Well, there is enough to have a bonfire in the towncentre. But on the positive side, your house is lavishly decorated this year, Vulgora likes the red and golden theme.

Lots of battle stories at the dinner, some of which ...lack xmas spirit a bit. All the gifts are...war themed. Then Vulgora gets bored and wants to fight for the right to cut the turkey/ vegan nut roast, whatever you are having. Oh no. But they can smash nuts with their gauntlets - the guests are impressed and suddenly want more battle stories. On the positive side, it’s definitely not boring this year, Vulgora is load and energetic.

But then suddenly Vulgora suggests you all go outside, when you question them, they say it’s a surprise. It’s hard to believe what you see: they prepared fireworks and sparkle fountains !!! You cannot help but smile watching vulgora excitingly running around setting them all off (but hopefully not setting your house on fire).

You watch firework lighting up the sky with Vulgora hugging you from behind and then..they rugby tackle you to the ground?! Well whether there is snow or not, they want to have a fight. Luckily the fireworks are over and the guests can just...leave you two to it.

[fiery-lune]

You’re not wrong about you being able to draw what you want, but holy crap, your attitude on this is astounding. I don’t think it’s that hard to just say, “yes, they’re adults.”

You’re acting as if it’s such a hard thing to do and overreacting. I’m an adult, I write aged up characters, but I don’t think it’s necessary to get all worked up over someone asking if they’re aged up.

Before you go off, yes I know where the unfollow and block button are lol. I very well will be using these, but I thought I should point out that the way you react to things matter. People can be concerned about adults drawing underage kids inappropriately and also be concerned about real life things. Not sure why they can’t. People just want to stop the normalization of sexualizing underage characters, which you were NOT doing (I clearly understand this), but it’s not a crime for people to ask.

Your drawing isn’t the problem here—it’s your attitude and your responses. I know making this anon is probably hopeless, but in the hopes that maybe you’ll see where some of your followers come from, I just thought I would point out the real problem. I wish you the very best. You are extremely talented and I’ve enjoyed your art thus far, so thank you for sharing ❤️

this is the last thing im gonna answer regarding this:

I don’t think it’s that hard to just say, “yes, they’re adults.”

Of course it's not. I said "I mean i guess" because I already saw this stupid discussion coming, people twisting my words and blowing it way out of proportion. sigh

What I meant to say was that wether or not I make their respective ages clear, the drawing is gonna stay the fucking same. It's the perception of it that people have (and that I'm not responsible for) that actually makes that difference. It's subjective. I drew them thinking about aged up characters and thought it was a given, until i got that first ask.

People can be concerned about adults drawing underage kids inappropriately and also be concerned about real life things.

Indeed, but I have absolutely no bussiness having that discussion with someone who's not even supposed to be on this platform. The thing is that I've seen this kind of discourse happen so many times, I already know what kind of person is on the other side and what they think they are defending. And it's funny how they're usually more concerned with pointing an accusatory finger towards adult content creators making content for other adults than they are about real, breathing, human victims of sexualization/abuse. It's self righteous and quite fucking ridiculous, considering we're not talking about real people here. All I did was draw. I didn't hurt anybody.

well, except maybe this person who got really butthurt over it

I’m an adult, I write aged up characters, but I don’t think it’s necessary to get all worked up over someone asking if they’re aged up.

Good for you.

Unfortunately with art it's different. Writing gives you the opportunity to clarify and define so many things that an image simply can't, cause it's debatable any way you look at it.

What you do takes a lot more time and investment from the people who consume your content, when it comes to me, people stare at it for maybe less than a minute, and if they do get invested they assume or project their own thoughts onto my art. Sometimes they're good and nice but some other times they take it as an invitation to either tell me what to do, how to do it, or question my artistic choices in general, not even giving me a chance to express what I was going for and assuming I'm a bad person.

I'm having none of that shit anymore, that's why I "get worked up" about a fucking stranger being rude. And I have every right to.

Your drawing isn’t the problem here—it’s your attitude and your responses.

Like I said before, the first ask came off as rude and condescending as fuck, as if demanding an explanation for something they think I did. They then proceeded to send me even more asks, taking for granted that I was sexualizing teenagers and saying it over and over again, and accusing me of making these kind of content with the intent of adults getting off to it??? when I did that drawing thinking about them just holding each other after sex. Just that. They're not even fucking, they're just naked, after sex. Wow what a scandalous thing.

I think that as a content creator you should understand as well as I do that we do not owe anybody our kindness, our time, or even an explanation (especially if they're not even willing to get off anon, like you). However you look at it, they were out of line. And i'm sure as fuck not gonna apologize for reacting the way i did. This whole conversation is stupid as hell.

I'm glad you enjoyed my art but I'm also glad you're unfollowing/blocking me. Have a nice life!

[writerofthecourt]

kenma proposing to you in animal crossing ft. kuroo, bokuto, and akaashi

warning: slight time skip spoilers, some swearing

a/n: this is a reupload because tumblr just decided to erase my post from the tags. i don’t know if this will disappear too, but we shall see. thank you to everyone who engaged with the original post

the moment leading up to it

you and kenma have been dating since high school

you were there when his channel first reached 100 subscribers, and you were there when he finally hit 1 million subscribers (currently 3 million and counting!)

he knew he wanted to marry you the day you showed up at his door unannounced with some movies, green tea, and ingredients for miso soup

he had announced the previous day on stream that he would be ending the session a lot earlier than usual due to feeling a bit under the weather

and now here you were :^))))

made him rest on the couch while you ran around his kitchen trying to get the soup ready

it was at that moment kenma thought, “i want to spend the rest of my life with this person”

soon after, he went out and got an engagement ring and came up with a brilliant plan on how he was going to propose to you

the game plan

he knew you were a big fan of animal crossing, so he thought it would be a cute and fun idea to propose to you in the game

invited kuroo to help out since he was also a good friend of yours

ended up very much regretting this decision

somehow, inviting kuroo also led to both bokuto and akaashi getting involved in the entire process

bokuto wanted to help and be a part of the ‘big moment’, and akaashi was just there to make sure everything ran smoothly (bless his heart)

the moment he opened up his island to kuroo and bokuto (akaashi just watched from bokuto’s screen since he didn’t own a switch or play video games), total. chaos. set. in

he had remodelled his island so that there would be a little cove down by the beach where he would propose to you, and it was going to be romantic and wonderful, and kuroo! would you pleaseee stop hitting his villagers with your net and running all over his hybrid flowers??? there is a goddamn pathway for a reason

bokuto, please stop decorating the cove with garden gnomes. they are not cute no matter how many times you try to reassure him that they are

“but kenma, they’re so cute. [y/n] will love them. tell ‘im akaashi”

akaashi is confused??? how do you play this game?

kenma was this close. this close. to revoking their best friend privileges for his island

“*gasp* you wouldn’t” “try me, bitch”

kuroo keeps getting sidetracked by the discourse and moral implications of the game

“okay, but don’t you think it’s messed up that players put so much emphasis on gathering ‘cute’ villagers to the point that they’ll socially exclude and isolate villagers who do not fit into their definition of ‘beauty’ in order to drive them off the island?” “...” “and doesn’t it bother you that there are shady, black market-esque online trading websites where you can exchange villagers for in-game currency? pretty fucked up if you ask me” “...kuroo, what the hell?”

when everything was finally done and over with, kenma still had to actually ask you to marry him. god, please have mercy on him

the execution

on the day of the proposal, kenma invited you to his island and asked if you wanted to shoot a video with him

you agreed, but the whole time you were there, he was a lot quieter than usual

you asked him over voice chat if he was okay

“huh? yeah, i’m fine” (whaaaat, he totally wasn’t acting suspicious or anything. what are you talking about...)

says he wants to show you a new addition to his island and asks you to follow him

leads you to a cove by the beach, and it’s completely decorated with flowers and other items to give it an ethereal and magical feeling

“wow kenma, this is beautiful! how long did it take you to make this?”

kenma goes quiet for a second before he starts reciting the speech he had written for you and memorized in his head over the past few days

“[y/n], listen. i know i’m not the most vocal when it comes to my feelings and affections for you, but i want you to know that i love and cherish you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. so...will you marry?”

at first you were a bit shocked by his confession. where was this coming from??? nevertheless, you still happily accepted his proposal, making him the happiest man in the world

kenma had to take a moment to gather himself after that

goes to your apartment the very same day in order to give you your ring. when he slips the ring on your finger, you give him a confused look. his heart drops

“do you not like the ring? i can get you another one if you don’t like it” “no kenma, it’s lovely, but i just thought you were...kidding about the whole proposal thing. i thought it was just for your video” “...so you don’t want to marry me?” “no, no kenma, i will marry you! i love you a lot!”

he audibly lets out a sigh of relief

the aftermath

posted the engagement video a few days later, and the video went viral, getting millions of views

in the end, kenma settled for one (1) garden gnome in the cove. somewhere in the back where no one could really see it unless you were really paying close attention. bokuto didn’t mind

somehow, someone in his comment section still ended up finding it and asked him why there was a garden gnome in the back

posted the ‘making of’ video days later, which also went viral due to the sheer ridiculous amount of crackhead energy in it

in conclusion: 7.5/10 experience, would not recommend

[tosikoarts]

Modern AU Ogata BF HC

Hey-hey! It took some time but there you go, honey ♡ Got carried away thinking about how Ogata feeding stray cats >>> everything else.  Hope you enjoy these headcanons!!  You can check tosikowrites tag for more.

General:

Noda once said that in a modern setting Ogata would be a dentist but let me disagree with him. I can clearly see Ogata as a photographer, a successful one, the one that allows himself to be arrogant without a fear that his client will drop him. Thanks to the unique style and skillful handling of light, Ogata quickly became popular among ordinary photography lovers and pompous snobs and now he does not miss a single opportunity to prick the latter. Knows he is good at what he is doing and takes full advantage of this.

Despite what is written above, Ogata still lives in a small apartment on the outskirts of Sapporo and doesn’t plan to move out in the nearest future. Partially it is due to the feeling of emancipation from beloved father and the sweetest stepbrother who cannot stop prying into his affairs. Last month Yuusaku has sneaked to the private galleries where Ogata was presenting his new photoshoots two times leaving Hyakunosuke in a state of stupid stupor when he was welcomed with a warm brotherly hug.

Still a salty little bitch online. Has few throwaway accounts to start a discourse on any topic that is even minimally discussable. Is immune to death threats at this point. Has met Vasily online and can’t stop discussing Russian politics with him from whatever crazy thing Vladimir Zhirinovsky has said (Ogata loses thousands of brain cells reading articles about him) to the news about the alleged Putin palace. He now knows some Russian too, mostly swear words and basic phrases.

Constantly torn between I don’t need anybody and if I don’t interact with a human being in a less hostile manner I will go apeshit. Meets up with Shiraishi, Sugimoto, Tanigaki, and Kiroranke once in a while to piss off Sugi and teasingly ask Tanigaki if he wants another nude photo shoot. By the way, he lives on black coffee with no sugar or milk so Ogata often runs into Tsukishima when the man orders a triple espresso and teriyaki chicken sandwich. If Koito is not here, they chat for a little secret wish to never meet again. Then they meet next week and the situation repeats itself as in a Groundhog Day.

There is no place for another cat in his apartment but Ogata loves cats and makes sure to feed and pet every one on his street. Once raised a whole litter of kittens whose mother was sadly hit by a car and became an adoptive father for three big bois who visit his apartment complex for free head pats and treats. Doesn’t share this part of his life since Ogata doesn’t want to be seen as a kindhearted person lmao.

BF HC:

Where could you meet Ogata if not on Tinder? The description of his profile was extremely cryptic and consisted only of name, height, and weight, nothing else. The first few days of talking to him feel like you are being looked down on even though Ogata acts pretty friendly and puts some effort into getting to know you out of casual wyd and you up texts. Goes offline for a few days then comes back with no explanations whatsoever. This first stage is a pure test of patience because Ogata knows he is not the best man around and can be a real pain in the ass. The sooner they get to know his bad side the better.

He doesn’t get fancy dates like candlelight dinner or going to the theater. Doesn’t mix work and personal life either so do not expect an exclusive invitation to his personal exhibitions. Ogata prefers hasteless walks along the river, ice-skating under the myriad of holiday garlands, playing mortal combat late at night with empty takeaway boxes chilling on the table. Cheap and comfy. If his newfound partner doesn’t know how to skate or rollerblade, Ogata will be twice as persistent: he likes to see them slowly learning how to skate as much as holding their hand through the night.

Vasily likes to draw. Ogata loves to take photos. For the first anniversary, he has collected a whole ton of photos for a cute collage. He took one when they were spinning in the kitchen like a whirligig making sure soup wasn’t too salty and noodles were just right for adding a sauce. Another one was taken when they both were trying old-fashioned pieces from the thrift shop looking like a modern-day John Lennon and Yoko Ono. They fell asleep right on top of Ogata and he managed to take a selfie kissing them on the top of their head. Put all the pieces together with texts and custom ring and voila – Ogata’s present is ready.

Teasing borders with light insults though he does not always realize it. Calls his partner silly in the sweetest tone before showing how to do the thing right. Pillow fights last until fluff flies from the pillows and Ogata won’t stop tickling them until tears stream down their cheeks. Says fuck me both as call to action and disappointed sigh with the same intonation so have fun figuring this man out. Absolute treasure and curse in one person and he won’t ever admit it but he is trying so hard to suppress the urge to push them away as a defense mechanism. Never apologizes but crawls back to them after every argument.

Speaking of which, arguments are common but rarely end up in loud door slam or hysteria. Usually, it happens when Ogata can’t control himself and pushes too many buttons of theirs so his teasing ends up being too harsh… Anyway, the cat got Ogata’s tongue and he doesn’t know how to use words to ask for forgiveness but! When he feels like it is definitely his fault, Ogata will cook ankonabe as unspoken sorry, I’ve messed up a big time and don’t know how to fix it, please don’t be mad, please talk to me. It’s rare but if he really feels this way Ogata will be stick like glue to them fearing that this time they will definitely leave him and his shitty camera all alone again.

[world-smitten]

Run On Final Thoughts

Looking around the Internet for opinions on Run On, there seemed to be a lot of people who didn’t like it for various reasons - too slow, the dialogue wasn’t great, the acting was weird, overhyped etc. And strangely, this doesn’t actually make me defensive about the show. I can understand why someone wouldn’t connect with it. It is pretty offbeat, and I can imagine a lot of it coming off as insufferably smug. Somehow though, maybe because I completely missed the show’s discourse when it was airing, I didn’t struggle with any of those things. I fell into the rhythm of the story with an ease I rarely get with K-dramas. I enjoyed every episode right up to the last. I actually finished a 16-episode K-drama romcom without skipping an episode. That’s pretty revolutionary! I don’t think I’m special for liking the show, but I do feel lucky. I feel lucky because I got to experience on of the best ensemble casts I’ve seen in a long time. I’ve never enjoyed a world in a drama so much. I really love a fleshed out supporting cast, and Run On practically spoiled me. The sheer amount of detail put into the character writing -into their personalities and their relationships with each other - made the world feel so fleshed out and vibrant. It’s no wonder the show never lost a beat when it had so many rich dynamics to draw its conflicts from.

In fact, I think the show might have been too rich - the final episodes are great, but there were so many threads that I wanted to see tied up neater and expanded on. The major threads came together nicely, but other elements suffered from a lack of time. The most jarring one would have to be Ye-Jun’s coming out to his mum. It’s a huge deal for a gay person to come out to their religious parent and an even bigger deal for that parent to accept them as they are. There’s a beautiful moment of conversation between mother and son that is just loaded with so much love and history that ends too briefly to make way for another brief resolution to another plot thread in the story. And, frankly, I don’t think the mother’s acceptance was very convincing. Maybe in a Korean context, “it’s okay to be different” would work, but Ye-jun’s mum is also Christian, and whilst she may not be as militant as Seon-gyeom’s dad, she’s definitely religious enough to threaten him with church when he comes out to her. “It’s okay to be different” simply does not work in a Christian context, because in Christianity, conformity isn’t necessarily a virtue (at least on paper). My particular strand of Evangelical/Pentecostal/Charismatic Christianity actually emphasises its difference with the world, and to be gay is to be of the world - to do the worst sexual sin in a world that’s already depraved. It’s total bogus - a lot of Christians have conveniently forgotten how Christian sexual morals were the status quo for hundreds of years and go around crying persecution just because we now have to be considerate. It’s why discussing LGBTQ+ issues with Christians is so frustrating - for a lot of them, being gay is a sinful choice made by depraved and/or confused individuals being encouraged by a sinful world that, in the meantime supresses and silences Christians, who are the true oppressed. Untangling all those layers of misinformation, bias and bigotry could be a show all on its own. That said, I’m glad Ye-jun’s mother accepted him. I’m glad that when he came out to Yeong-hwa, Yeong-hwa took him in his arms right away without question, which was such a powerful, beautiful statement. I’m glad that Ye-jun could have his happy ending. 

Speaking of happy endings, Yeong-hwa and Dan-ah’s arc ended better than I could have hoped for. I’m personally ruthless when it comes to romance - I don’t mind couples not getting together (there’s fanfiction for a reason) and if the foundation isn’t there for a couple to work, don’t force it. Usually the foundation is in terms of actual chemistry, but Dan-ah and Yeong-hwa had chemistry in spades. I was surprised that the writers actually remembered all the allusions to Rapunzel, and kept Dan-ah’s wealth in sight. The gap between them was simply too huge, and the inequalities too obvious. Dan-ah was wealthier and more powerful, Yeong-hwa was younger and healthier. I love the way Dan-ah’s derogatory “kid” was re-contextualized through her illness. He’s not just “kid” because he’s younger than her, but because he’s got a full life to live. He has vitality, which she feels she lacks. The show refuses to lapse into overblown dramatics regarding her health, but it nevertheless hangs over their relationship like one of many black clouds. There’s something poignant about two people knowing full well that their relationship can’t last, and still choosing to enjoy what little time they have with each other. And even if they couldn’t have each other, look at what they gained! Look at how they grew as individuals, at the friendships they made in the process.

I just have so much love for these characters and so much love for the actual performances themselves. I focused a lot on Dan-ah (which was completely valid lol), but that meant I didn’t get to gush about Im Si-wan and Shin Se-kyung absolutely killing it in their roles. They have such an ease with each other that makes their relationship genuine and adult in understated ways you rarely see in romcoms. In the hands of a clumsier actor, Seom-gyeom’s character could have been irritating (and for some people, he probably was), but Im Si-wan plays him with such care, conveying his nuances underneath his stoicism. And it’s lovely to Shin Se-kyung actually in control of her performance, after the mess that was Bride of Habaek. I spent a lot of time talking about Dan-ah and Yeong-hwa and I just wanted to emphasise that I loved our primary couple as much as I loved the secondary couple. As I’ve said before, this cast was just brilliant in every single way. I can’t think of any other K-drama romcom that invited me so vividly and thoroughly into the interior lives of its characters. I’m gonna stop here because this post is long af and I’ve already rambled enough, but yeah. This was magical.