#i know there's like. a lot of angsty things with this kind of premise. and i support that. but a black comedy would also be really funny

[avephelis]

silly au where hunter can also see the other golden guards but all they do is annoy him

[judesmoonbeauty]

Jude Jazza's PV Dissection ☾.

Beneath the cut for event and other suitor's route spoilers. This is just for fun, and please feel free to kindly share what you think! To be honest, I don't think I have anything interesting to add, but here goes it...

My First Thought: Let’s just state the obvious and say that Jude’s route is going to be ANGSTY and WILD!!! That much is definite by watching the PV, and that’s pretty much what we see in his events as well. The animation was beautiful. There’s a A LOT of recycled CGs, and majority of his lines come from his gacha cards and bond stories, but it gets the job done.

However, I feel like Jude is still very much under wraps. His PV barely gave us anything to go on that we don’t already know about, or haven't theorized. I’ve watched it like 15 times. I counted the number of hands on the clocks to see if there were 13 (there’s not), and paused to search the outline of Big Ben, and things like the shadows to see if something was hinted or hidden, but nothing.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it didn’t give us anything at all, but before we get into that, let’s just recap the premise of Act 2:

In Act 2, Kate has already been the fairytale keeper for one full week, and that’s when Vogel enters the picture with the claim that they want to be “friends” with Crown. Harrison knows that they’re lying about something, and Darius, as we learn, is looking for “family members.”

Now…..

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick - The ticking clock is very prominent in his trailer, and that makes sense because Jude’s fairytale curse is associated with time. His icon is an hourglass, and he is very cognizant in events/routes about wasting time. Additionally, it’s interesting to note that several of Jude’s events often mention specific lengths of years that have passed, such as, Dark IF, GHR, Island Lust, and a bond story.

As far as the PV goes, I think it may be hinting that Jude is running out of time in the sense of accomplishing a goal, which will in turn fulfill a promise. Our average life span today is about 80 years, but back then it was much shorter, and I feel like Jude needs a lot of time to accomplish what he is doing. It could be that a single lifetime is not enough for him to accomplish it, but he is going to try anyway. Such as? Him traveling to the moon. I feel like the PV points to this at the outset with that giant full moon behind Big Ben. I think this may be a CG we get.

Conversely, it could be that he is running out of time in the sense that he is dying of an illness. We know for a fact that he suffers from seasonal asthma (which is triggered with enclosed spaces filled with smoke), he smokes himself, but he also suffered from childhood malnutrition, and that can cause a lot of issues. Still, I don’t know how strong of a theory this is as Jude has no problem with physical exertion or activity……not looking at that one other gut I love in IkePri.

Additionally, a part of me feels like he’s just tired and he wants to die. To be honest, all these guys have some kind of death wish in one form or another, but in terms of Jude, Ellis said that he looked like he was going to fall into the river as he looked at the moon while chain smoking, and Roger said Jude looked like he was vacantly staring at the moon as if he had given up on something.

Notably, in Roger’s past records, we learn that Jude uses cigarettes to fuel his rage to keep him living, and Kate also mentioned in his Cruise Liner event that anger is a great motivator.

So, for all intents and purposes, Jude is being kept alive by his own rage, cigarettes, the promise he made, and Roger. THANK YOU ROGER! That’s what I feel at least.

Rewinds/Record Scratches: I think glitchy rewind/record-scratching sound is being cleverly used to note the different tones we are going to see in his route, like I mentioned before, it’s going to be angsty and wild (that’s what I feel anyway).

However, I will say that a part of me feels like it’s a nod to all the times he says things like, ‘once you’ve lost something, you can’t get it back.' How many of us wish we could rewind and do things over or see someone we’ve lost again, even if it were just for a minute?

Jude said in Roger’s route that once someone is gone those left behind are stuck feeling a void, and I think he’d do whatever he could to rewind time if that were in his power. However, cue that jazzy music and we find ourselves in the interior of a…..

Warehouse: No doubt by the docks that Jude frequents for deliveries, and while it’s nothing major, it does indicate one of the settings we will likely be at. Although, this is pretty obvious to most of us because in both his first event and his one year anniversary event, they are at the warehouses by the docks.

Personally, I loved the detail of the seagulls, not that is important in anyway, but I just got excited to see a visual of it instead of just imagining it. However, I am hoping to see something different in terms of what we’ve already seen in both of those events. Kate getting caught by someone who broke their contract with Jude or is after Jude, and she is caught in the middle. Is that too much to ask?

Papers: We quickly shift to an office like space, whether this is located at Raven or at Crown, there is something very important to note in this scene, and that’s not only the rows of books behind our clever mobster, but the bulletin board that has notes stuck all over them.

At first, I thought that this could be business plans, product information or designs, business targets, or information about the personal lives of those whom Jude makes contracts with. Ultimately, I think that these are engineering designs and research papers that he’s written and/or reviewed for……moon travel. If you look closely, one paper in particular has a definite design on it.

Why am I so hellbent on this? Because Jude says himself in his bond levels that he’s trying to nab all the researches and scientists that he can as quickly as possible, and that he was going to have Ellis look into the authors who wrote the papers he had been reading. On a random note, I don’t think this would be his office space at Raven, but his personal office or room at Crown.

About that Bridge Scene: You know, the one where he looks completely over this shit as he smokes a cigarette? Then all of a sudden he shoots you that look like he’s gonna tear you up because he’s annoyed, and you’re like: Impregnate me, please? That one. So, the night that Ellis met Jude, Ellis said that he was standing on the bridge looking like he was about to fall into the river.

I believe this may be the second CG we may get of Jude in his route, and I want to know why he goes to the bridge? Is there special meaning to it? Did he visit that place with his loved one? Was a promise made under the moon? Is this were he wants….things to end? And forgive this last bit, but I can’t help but think of the song ‘Moon River’ when he’s at that bridge.

Ah, to hell with it, It’s too pretty not have posted again:

How long: When we get to the scene of Jude and Kate in a somewhat awkward rain scene (I agree with my friends, her sprite looks out of place), he asks Kate how long she is planning to stick next to him. Here again, we have a form of time being hinted at, and Kate’s time with Crown should end in three weeks time.

Still, we don’t know how far along we are in his route when he asks her this question, so it’s difficult to say how much time Kate has remaining with him at this point. What we can guess is that she’s been at Crown long enough to have seen Jude do horrendous things - all of Crown - for that matter.

Additionally, she will have seen the filthy underbelly of England at that point, perhaps in the form of drugs, SA, human-trafficking and the like, if his events are any indication of that. Not to mention his cruel attempts to force her to give up on being fairytale keeper. So, how do you think Kate will answer, and will her answer disrupt his plans??

Unhinged, Possessive, Obsessive Jude: Is he really though? I think so. This is what I think will be the third CG - belonging to his Mad Love End. Did you all see those eyes??? He is UNHINGED, and I am HERE for it. I think it really drives home the point too that he is going to make her pay for placing a curse on him for the rest of her life - that’s Judese for - I’ll make you pay for making me love you for as long as you live.

Seeing him that expression in his eyes and the way he plays with her hair, (this is also a thing Jude does in his events), really exemplifies the phrase that he also uses in that their being together is madness.

Thinking about it, it really wasn’t until the Island Lust story that we started to see a small glimmer of Mr. Jazza’s jealousy, and that’s because Jude is often cold and controls any emotions that could be linked to her romantically. But we slowly start to see this change with Island lust, I gushed how he didn’t like Kate thinking about the other Crown members when he was near her, and in effect, ignoring him.

In the Jude vs. Nica event, we got even more of his jelly side when he learned that Kate and Nica are on a first name basis, even though they just met. CUTEST THING EVER.

And finally, in his Dark Mafia card, Jude is ready to commit murder over the guys who are looking at Kate. So, I’m really looking forward to seeing how jealous or possessive he may get once he gives into his feelings.

Pocket Watch: The time shows at 10:10 pm. Is this significant? I can’t say for sure, but there is nothing odd about the pocket watch itself. The only thing I noticed is that the hands on the pocket watch aren’t moving.

That doesn't necessarily mean anything, but let’s throw out a random idea I had about the watch actually being broken. It doesn’t work. The time stopped at exactly 10:10 pm, perhaps some incident happened during that time when it stopped, and Jude wears it as a memento. Ultimately, I don’t place too much stock in this because there's really no basis for it, but let's say we've covered our bases with this and move on to the last, but certainly not least...

My Evil (or sin), is an unfulfilled promise: His tag line at the end….I don’t believe this is related to Jude’s fated demise. I have an inkling that Cybird may go the Disney route for his fate, but that can be a discussion for another day….maybe. What I do believe is that this emphasizes Jude’s compellation to pay back an unfulfilled promise (essentially what amounts to a betrayal).

I don’t feel that he MUST pay back betrayals that others experience, but if he is involved in a case in some manner of speaking (like for missions), Jude has been known to carry out revenge, such as he does to Anne’s father in GHR. Also, in the "Evil Behind the Scenes" event, Jude allows the husband of the wife who was unfaithful take care of things behind closed doors (it said it was supposed to be talking, but Ellis was in the room too, and who knows what the husband did). It’s interesting, because Jude mentions that while he has no interest in harming women, betrayal must be repaid, so whatever happened happened.

This would make sense as to why Jude does everything he can to fulfill his own promises. But, what if he fails to keep his own promise……what happens then? Hope to find out soon.

That's all I could dig up. They really gave us nothing, but everything at the same time?

Honorable Mention: No eye Kate...please stop treating my girl this way cybird!

[tossawary]

Thinking about the actual living arrangements between Wu Yanzi and Shen Jiu is interesting, because I would think that Wu Yanzi should be more than a little concerned that his new apprentice might decide to turn that bloody sword on him sooner or later.

Putting this below a cut because I'm talking about child abuse here.

You can come up with all sorts of angsty, abusive behavior for Wu Yanzi on the premise that he's afraid of what Shen Jiu might do, simpler examples being things like "he might have made Shen Jiu sleep outside if he was ever taking a room at an inn" and "he might have regularly taken all of Shen Jiu's belongings away because he couldn't 'trust' his disciple with them". More extreme, antagonizing examples being things like "he might have tied Shen Jiu up at night like a dog" or "he might have planted some kind of talismans that prevented Shen Jiu from coming near him or from leaving a small space". He might have even been "matter of fact" about it. Not obviously taking pleasure in a "necessary measure".

I don't think Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu like complete shit all the time, I think it probably would have depended on his moods, as it does with many abusers. I just think it's interesting to think about why exactly young Shen Jiu was "terrified to death" of this person. There has to have been a line of "worth putting up with this to learn some cultivation techniques" keeping Shen Jiu from deciding to just risk it and try to kill Wu Yanzi (the line ends up being Yue Qi at the Conference).

It's possible that Wu Yanzi treated Shen Jiu kind of okay most of the time, actually, trusting in his young apprentice's fear without relying on any kind of physical abuse. At the beginning, Wu Yanzi is something of a cultivator and Shen Jiu is not. By forcing Shen Jiu to participate in his foul crimes, he makes it harder for Shen Jiu to leave him, because now Wu Yanzi can threaten to TELL PEOPLE what Shen Jiu has done. And seeing Wu Yanzi kill people in horrific ways such as the Cursed Black Light talismans functions as a very effective threat by itself. "Behave or I'll kill you," is probably all the rope that Wu Yanzi would need to tie Shen Jiu up at night, honestly, stopping his apprentice from killing him in his sleep. Verbal threats and abuse are more than enough, especially when said by an actual murderer.

I think it's interesting to think about the different ways that abuse manifests, and how the different styles of abuse from Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi might have affected Shen Jiu. We don't see a lot of Shen Jiu's life with Wu Yanzi, so we don't know whether or not his behavior was playfully cruel or tersely paranoid or coldly detached. It's easier to draw links between Shen Jiu's abusive treatment of Luo Binghe and Qiu Jianluo's abuse of Shen Jiu.

Anyway, I was thinking about this because I was thinking about more Canon Divergence AUs for Qijiu. Like, what if, after killing Qiu Jianluo, Shen Jiu gets a taste of what his life will be like under Wu Yanzi and throws caution to the wind to murder this guy? He desperately wants to learn cultivation, yes, but he doesn't want another master. Maybe there's some bounty on Wu Yanzi's head and Shen Jiu decides to take it, and hopefully leverage the kill as his legitimate entrance into the cultivation world?

I'm wondering how easy it would be to somehow get Shen Jiu to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect when Yue Qi has been trapped in the Ling Xi caves. I don't think that Shen Jiu would be happy about Yue Qi's imprisonment at all. That could end up being a very dramatic rescue.

[its-time-to-write]

Hi y’all! This is my last unprompted angsty fic for a little! Gonna go back to our usually scheduled hijinks that are sitting in my request pile, I wanted to do this one first. I write all these as a way to deal with things that happen in my own life, whether it’s stressing about school and work, stupid romance, great romance, family, health, whatever, and I wanted to say (yet again) thank you for all the support. Sometimes I still can’t believe that you all like what I write but hey, there ya go

It’s funny, because my most popular fics are the ones that have been written directly out of my actual life. The ones that start out hard-to-deal-with, or with real, palpable heartbreak. The endings are often different because real life isn’t guaranteed a happy ending, but I’m allowed to take the past and see what it would be like if things went differently.

My characterization of Jamie is based on the only person I’ve ever really loved, which is why I can write his voice so clearly. I first watched Ted Lasso and was surprised at how similar they were, stupid hair and all. A lot of these fics are my way of archiving our story and immortalizing parts of it, as well as reminding myself that the love was there. It didn’t last and it wasn’t supposed to, but it was there.

Now, what’s real and what’s fiction? I’ll leave that up to you to decide, but I will say that it’s more than you might think and less than you might hope for.

So if you read this current fic and think, “huh, that was a really specific premise,” well I got news for you! It is. I’m in the first part of my journey on this, the early stages, and this story is not the way I want things to go for me. But I’m hoping that by creating a good ending out of a rough beginning, I can better face whatever lies ahead for me whether I approach it on my own two feet or with the assistance of some really sick wheels.

Anyway, enjoy this or skip it, it won’t hurt my feelings!

how to love being alive

Jamie’s at training when he gets the call. He barely registers the words on the other side when he’s cursing something awful, enough to make Roy Kent blush, and saying something about an emergency before speeding out the door. He pauses for a moment to look up an address in his phone, then he’s tearing out of the parking lot in a manner that puts Colin to shame. 

To summarize, he’s not acting like himself. 

He pulls up to a chiropractor of all places and the girl at the front desk must be able to tell who he’s here for because she just points to a door down the hall. Jamie’s pretty sure he’s never moved this quick in his life and wonders if this could translate to the pitch. Sure he’s fast, but he could always be faster. 

He bursts through the door to see you borderline catatonic, staring at the floor while a doctor pats your arm. She looks at Jamie and says, “Let’s chat for a minute outside,” before he has a chance to say a single thing. Jamie can’t tear his eyes away from you as the doctor leads him out and shuts the door. 

“Thought emergency contacts were for like, hospitals and shit,” he says. 

The chiropractor shakes her head. Jamie notes that her name tag says “Dr. Hadley,” and has a vague memory of you mentioning her a few months ago. 

God, it feels like a lifetime ago. 

“We’re not confident she’s in a fit state to get herself home,” Dr. Hadley says. “Her headspace is a little messed up, which is to be expected. Usually people come to these types of appointments with some moral support.”

Jamie asks, “What kinds of appointments?” and Dr. Hadley tilts her head at him. 

“You are Mr. Tartt, aren’t you?” she asks and Jamie just scoffs because he can’t decide between responding obviously, or telling her no, he’s not Mr. Tartt, that’s his father. He’s just Jamie. 

Dr. Hadley knows who he is because she doesn’t live in a hole in the ground, so she doesn’t ask for identification. She takes his scoff as permission to keep talking, so she says, “She’s here for her MRI results. We’ve been in the process of treating a protrusion on her spine.”

Jamie is positive everyone in this office must think he’s on drugs because Dr. Hadley is talking like he’s supposed to know this, but for the life of him he knows you’d never said a thing. 

“Your girlfriend has been in a severe amount of pain over the last few months, and we’ve finally been able to see the extent of the problem. Apparently she thought it would just go away, but it never did. So now she’s here with us.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jamie says automatically. Because it’s true, innit? You’re not. You’ve been broken up for a month because he couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t take the irritation at attending his matches and the tossing and turning in bed at night and the fact that you were wound so tight that you’d snap at the most minor offenses. 

You hadn’t been surprised when Jamie said he couldn’t do it anymore, it’s over, and at the time he had wished that you’d shown just a tiny sliver of emotion. After all, a year and two months is a long time to be with someone for you to coldly slide him his key and then turn away as though he were a stranger. 

He could have sworn there was a glimmer of tears in your eyes, but they’d looked that way for a bit now so maybe it was just allergies. There’s no reason for you to have been in the verge of tears for the entire month before the breakup, right?

Right. 

But he can’t think about that now because Dr. Hadley is frowning at him in a way that so comically reminds him of Roy’s sister that he has to bite back a laugh. 

Everything’s all twisted. 

“I certainly hope your split was amicable,” Dr. Hadley says. “You’re the only one listed as her emergency contact. She needs someone to get her home safely.”

“Right,” says Jamie. “Yes. Fuck. Right. Um, what exactly is wrong with her?” 

Dr. Hadley shakes her head. “That’s her personal information to share with you at her prerogative. And we should probably go see her, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be alone for long.”

Jamie snorts at that. This doctor doesn’t know you at all. If you’ve received any type of bad news the last thing you want is people hanging around. 

Jamie used to pride himself on being the only one you’d let into the bad-new bubble. 

You don’t count with those other people, you’d said once while wrapped around Jamie so tight he thought he’d have to call Ted to bring a crowbar. You said, I don’t have to pretend around you. I don’t ever get tired of you.

Jamie bitterly thinks that that statement turned out to be a lie, but he shakes it off because you’ve only been separated a month, and apparently he’s still your emergency contact for a doctor he didn’t know you had been seeing and fuck if you didn’t look like the most pitiful thing he’d ever seen. He’ll pretend it’s ok for as long as it takes to get you home and comfortable, and then he’s calling this office to get his number switched off. 

So he follows Dr. Hadley back into the room as she softly says your name in order to break whatever trance has you studying the carpet like your final exam is in ten minutes. 

You can barely look at her as she whispers something about going home and being gentle, to which you nod and finally look at Jamie. 

He wonders if you recognize him, because the stare you have is so vacant that you might as well be looking at a stranger. 

“Is she on drugs?” he asks because it looks like you’re on drugs. 

Dr. Hadley shakes her head and holds out her arm to help you up. “No, she’s just in a lot of pain. And emotional distress. It’s a killer combo, and she’ll need extra gentle handling for a while. No sitting for too long, no bending, no lifting. There’s a back support at the front desk for you to take.”

Jamie thinks he hears something pointed in the way Dr. Hadley says, extra gentle. What, like he doesn’t know how bad an injury can take you out? He’s in the Premier League for fuck’s sake. He knows how to deal with a strained muscle. 

Dr. Hadley transfers your arm over to Jamie’s so smoothly that he barely understands what’s happening as she ushers you both out the door, thrusting a small foam roll into Jamie’s free hand. 

“For lumbar support,” she says. “Won’t help much, but it’s better than nothing.”

Jamie’s pretty sure he’s said thanks as you climb in the car and then he’s in the drivers seat and it’s dead quiet. 

“Right,” he says to the silence. “What the fuck.”

You’re picking at your nails something fierce. Jamie has to fight the urge to take your hand in his. A month of separation is not long enough for this shit. 

“Can you just drive?” you ask in a broken voice. “I don’t want to be sitting for longer than I have to.”

There’s a new pitch in your voice, one Jamie’s never heard before, so he doesn’t argue. He doesn’t turn on the radio or a playlist or a podcast or anything, just drives in silence. He knows if it’s quiet long enough, you’ll talk. 

He’s the opposite. He doesn’t need time to crack wide open, just a kind touch or a soft glance and he’s an open book. He was always shocked how early into your relationship you’d figured that out. A soft, “What’s on your mind, Jaim?” and he was unloading about whatever stress or fear he had. 

He’s two minutes away from your flat when you break the silence. “I have gradual onset paralysis,” you say in a voice devoid of emotion. “‘Gradual onset’ means it happens over time. Paralysis means, well…paralysis.”

Jamie can hear what you’re saying and he understands it, but what catches him is the way you’re like nothing more than a hollow body. Not cracking a joke, not picking a fight. Just- empty. 

Jamie says a long and drawn out “Fuuuckk,” because what else can you say? It’s not really his business to comfort you or to pry, except he’s the one the doctor called, so he allows himself one question. 

“How did it happen?”

Last he knew, you were healthy as a horse. 

“Two disks in my spine popped,” you reply, still in that same awful emotionless voice. “They’re not really sure how, could’ve been any number of things. Anyway, it got into my nerves. And my spinal cord. And it’s messing things up and it’s only going to get worse. The scans were to see if they could operate, because sometimes you can remove the shards. Or whatever it is. But I guess they can’t, because if they tried I’d definitely be paralyzed. So all I can do now is be in pain and wait for my legs to shut down.”

Jamie doesn’t know how to respond to any of that but he’s saved from thinking of an adequate response because he’s at your flat. 

It was smart of you not to sell it when you’d moved in with Jamie. He wonders if you knew the breakup was inevitable. 

He hops out and opens the door like a gentleman, offering his hand like he’s some Mr. Darcy-type shit, except you had both agreed that Roy was Mr. Darcy and he was Bingley. So it doesn’t fit at all except as soon as you’re done clutching his hand so you can get out without unnecessary pain, his hand flexes itself like he’s in that damn movie. 

It wasn’t even a conscious choice, just a thing his hand decided to do, and he definitely thinks he’s going to have to talk to Ted about this. Or maybe Sam. Sam knows shit and is good at empathy. Maybe he’ll know what to say when your ex-girlfriend tells you she’s not going to walk ever again. 

Jamie follows you to the door as you fiddle with the lock and push it open with a sigh. For a moment he doesn’t know if he should go inside, but it smells like honey and cinnamon because it’s the beginning of fall and he thinks that he should at least make sure you’ll be alright. 

He notices you’re moving weird. All stiff, like. You’re trying to get an icepack out of the freezer but you can’t maneuver in a way that’s comfortable so Jamie grabs it and hands it to you. 

You mumble, “Thanks,” and Jamie catches a glimpse of the perpetual glimmer in your eye. 

“D’you need me to call someone?” he asks. “I can get Keeley down here. Or fucking… Ted. Or Colin.” He doesn’t say Sam, because he needs Sam. He can’t talk to Sam if he’s here with you. 

You shake your head. Jamie wonders if it hurts to talk, but he remembers how much you hate the sound of your voice when you’re crying. 

You take a slow, shallow breath to collect yourself. “I’m ok,” you finally say. “Not much anyone can do, and you’ve got training. I- I didn’t know they’d call you. I still have to switch your number with someone else. I’m probably going to ask Keeley since my family’s still far away.”

“Right,” Jamie says. Not much else to say. Except- 

“You were seeing that bone doctor when we were together, and you didn’t fucking say anything?”

It’s accusatory and he knows it, but he can’t for the life of him say it kinder. Ted’s always on about communication and shit, and that is not communication. 

You shuffle over to the couch and use it to help you lay face down in the floor. The icepack is precariously balanced on the small of your back. 

“Didn’t know how to tell you,” comes your muffled voice. “Least, I figured out how to tell you too late. What was I gonna say, ‘Sorry I’ve been a complete bitch to you for four weeks, I’ve got shit floating around in my spine that makes me hurt so bad I want to die?’ Sounds fucking stupid.”

Jamie wants to say, Swear jar because it’s a long-standing joke, but he catches the words right before they reach the tip of his tongue. 

“You could’ve said something,” he replies instead. “Chronic pain’s shit. It’s really shit and it makes you act like shit to the people you care about. It’s not an excuse, but it’s a reason.” As the words are coming out of his mouth, Jamie is reminded of a time when the roles were reversed, and you were giving him the “excuse versus reason,” speech. 

You’d said, You’re dad’s an abusive prick, Jamie. Makes sense that you’d have a lot of negative emotions. 

Fuck, if only you’d said something sooner. Maybe this would be something that you’d be cracking jokes about, or Jamie would be holding your hand, or he’d be laying right next to you as he runs his fingers through your hair. 

But your muscles spasm so that thought gets banished as you bite on your forearm in an effort not to yell. 

“Fucking hell,” Jamie says. “I don’t think you’re sorted on your own. I’m calling Ted.”

He walks to the other room so he can pretend he can’t hear your protests. 

—

Ted leaves training to Roy, Beard, and Nate. What’s the point in having four coaches if one of ‘em can’t leave for family emergencies?

Sure, you’re not actually family, but that’s Ted for you. He doesn’t do casual friendships. 

Jamie is out the door like a shot as soon as Ted knocks with a “Sorry, coach,” that Ted barely has a chance to wave off. 

Ted doesn’t say much once he’s inside, just rambles on about training and Kansas and Henry. He’s clattering around in your kitchen and you can’t find it in yourself to care what he’s doing so you just keep laying on the floor, willing your back to stop hurting. 

Finally, he comes over and sets down a smoothie in a short glass with a straw. 

“It’s so you can drink it without moving,” he explains. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” you say more to the couch legs than to Ted.

He sighs from where he’s crouched down next to you. “You don’t really have a choice, darlin’. You have to do this. The question is, are you gonna go through it alone?”

You shrug as best as you’re able. 

“Wrong answer,” says Ted, standing up. “You’ve got a whole crew of people here who are gonna root for you and support you with whatever you need. All you got to do is ask, sweetheart.”

Ah, fuck, you’re crying again and Ted can definitely tell because your shoulders are shaking. He’s pretty sure you’d want to save face so he stands up and says, “Beard’s coming over after training. Says he wants to figure out how to modify your house for a wheelchair or something. Thought I’d make us all dinner so we’re not so hangry when he mentions taking an ax to anything.”

The mental image of Coach Beard chopping down your stairs is enough to make you smile a little through your tears.

—

Waiting is really shitty. Like, really shitty. Every day is the same thing: tingly legs, shooting pains, phantom cramps. The worst was when Dani and Richard were over and you stood up to get something from the fridge, and your legs decided at that moment to lose feeling. You panicked with your arms held out for balance as you swayed back and forth for a moment, willing your feet to fucking move. They did, but not before Dani and Richard were on you in a flash, ready to catch you if you fell.

“Well that was weird,” you joke in an effort to cut the tension. They laugh, but you still catch their worried glance.

“You do not have to put on a brave face for us,” Dani says. “If you want to joke, we will joke. But if you want to cry, we will cry too.”

“You can cry,” Richard says, “I will just pour more wine.”

You laugh. There’s been a steady stream of Greyhounds at your flat for the last week and a half. Everyone and their mother (quite literally) has come by to see you. Your own parents were coming in a week to stay indefinitely while you sorted things out.

You wonder if it’s easier to lose control of your legs slowly or all at once? On the one hand, you at least have notice. But on the other hand, the long, drawn-out waiting feels like slow torture. Every day you wake up from restless sleep and experimentally wiggle your toes. Every day, you check off one more box on your mental calendar as you count down to a date that doesn’t even properly exist.

The only person who hasn’t visited is Jamie. You don’t blame him, though. Keeley’s come round almost every single day and has been successfully switched to your emergency contact. She’s the one you’re calling as soon as you discover you can’t move.

You’re pretty sure it’s getting closer. Your legs fall asleep more frequently and things are all numb. It’s like you know you’re in pain, but it’s not quite registering with your nerves.

It fucking sucks.

—

You don’t believe in intuition like spirits and all that, but you believe in it in that your brain can pick up things that you couldn’t if you were actually trying.

That’s why you’re pretty sure this is it.

Walking is pretty much a no-go right now, so you stiff-leg yourself to the couch and sprawl out as comfortably as you can.

You call Keeley, and she’s over in no time.

“Hi babes,” she says as soon as she’s through the door, “Can I call Rebecca for girls’s night?”

“Sure,” you say, “Might as well live it up.”

Keeley replies, “Great! She’ll be here in ten minutes,” and you laugh, really actually laugh, because of course Keeley’s already called her.

Rebecca swoops in all smiles and no sympathy which is great because if one more person pushes their lower lip out at you, you’re going to scream. She’s brought drinks and Keeley’s pulling out snacks and you’re going to talk and giggle until you fall asleep, ready for what the morning has.

“Is Shandy making a move on that one player?” Rebecca asks Keeley from the couch. 

“Nah,” Keeley calls back, “He said he wasn’t interested right now. Still hung up, I think.”

“What player?”  you ask. You know what Shandy’s like, and you feel for the poor guy.

Rebecca and Keeley are silent before Keeley says, “You wouldn’t know him.”

“Bullshit,” you reply. “I know everyone on that team and I know you haven’t signed anyone new recently. Is it Colin?” 

Rebecca shakes her head and gives Keeley a look. Keeley shrugs. “You’re the one who brought it up, babes.”

Rebecca turns to you. “It’s Jamie,” she says. “She’s been trying to bag him ever since Zava showed up.”

You shake your head. “She’s not right for him. He deserves someone better than that.”

Keeley’s back from the kitchen and scrutinizing your expression. “And what exactly do you mean by better?” she asks.

You laugh. “Oh no, not me. I wasn’t talking about me. No, I’m not- he needs someone different. Like, I don’t know, Roy’s sister, maybe? She’s great and a doctor to boot. Very caring too.”

“You’re caring,” Keeley says slowly, “And anyway, Molly doesn’t like him like that. They’re just friends.”

“Hang on, are you putting yourself in the same bracket as Shandy?” Rebecca interjects.

You shrug. “I was a complete bitch the last month we were together. There’s no excuse for it. I’m just surprised he lasted as long as he did.”

“You were in fucking pain!” Keeley exclaims. “You said you weren’t sleeping and everything fucking hurt and you couldn’t even think straight.”

You grab a handful of candy from a bowl. “Keels, I appreciate the sentiment, but I majorly fucked it. Like, there’s no going back. So he can date whoever he wants as long as it’s not fucking Shandy. Can we please, please move on?”

Rebecca’s eyes are narrowed but they both acquiesce. “Keeley, what about your love life? I’m sure it’s boring as usual.”

Keeley shrieks and smacks her with a pillow. “Fuck off,” she replies. “I’ll have you know it’s going very well…”

—

You were right. You wake up still on the couch tangled in Keeley’s arms, and the standard toe-wiggle just… doesn’t happen. It’s quiet, the early morning type, the kind where the sunlight isn’t so harsh and birds are chirping softly and all of Richmond hasn’t quite got up to begin their day. 

As you look at your unmoving toes, the first thing you feel is a rush of relief. The waiting’s over, you think. 

You look over to the wheelchair that’s been leaning patiently against the wall all this time. Here’s the first day of forever. You’re in no rush for it to start, so you let Keeley’s little snores and Rebecca’s heavy breathing lull you back to sleep. 

—

It’s definitely a learning curve. And it’s frustrating. And if one more person catches you crying out of sheer rage, you’re going to start throwing things. But like Ted said, you don’t really have a choice. 

Your mom said, “The only way out is through,” then grinned at the murderous glare you shot her way. She opened her phone and pulled up a picture of you, age three. “Same lovely expression as always,” she remarks cheerfully. That cracks your frown. You always were a funny kid. 

It takes a while to figure out how to get places. Keeley (the absolute angel) volunteered, but she’s busy with the PR firm and quite frankly, a little too delicate to help you into a car. You made the mistake of saying this exactly one time and because subject to a rant about how she’s “not weak, just PETITE FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!”

Roy had punctuated her argument with a couple “That’s fucking right, babe"s all while rolling his eyes behind her back. It made you giggle. 

The general consensus was that at any given reasonable hour (or unreasonable if you’re Richard or Bumbercatch) a Greyhound or coach would be able to get you where you’re needed. And today, that place is Nelson Road. 

“How often does Jamie come visit?” Jan Maas asks, straightforward as ever. 

“Um, never,” you reply. “We broke up, remember?”

“Right,” agrees Jan Maas. “We all know that, I just assumed you had gotten back together.”

You laugh. How absurd. “And why on earth would you assume that?”

“Because he talks about you all the time,” comes his prompt reply. 

Huh. That’s interesting. You haven’t received so much as a single emoji from Jamie, but hadn’t thought a thing of it. But this, this is strange. This does not fit into your idea of how broken up people act. 

“Weird,” you say. “Wonder what the fuck that’s about.”

Jan Maas shrugs and moves to lift you from the car. 

—

It’s weird to be at Nelson Road, number one because it’s been FOREVER, number two because you’re eye-level with all sorts of things you’d never noticed before (ahem, part of the wall Roy kicked that no one cared to patch up), and number three because the last time you were here, it was as Jamie Tartt’s girlfriend. 

Jan holds open the door as you roll in, ready to face whatever lies in wait. 

It turns out whatever is a very excited Ted and Beard as well as a neutral Roy who present you a coaching jacket and a whistle. 

“You’re coaching with us today because that little rat bastard Nate went to the dark side,” Beard says. 

You remark, “Tell us how you really feel,” earning a snort from Roy and a chuckle from Trent Crimm. 

“Oh yeah,” Ted says, “this is Trent. He’s writing a book.”

“Cool,” you say, “but you do know I know jack shit about coaching?”

Beard shrugs. “Neither do we. Worked out pretty well so far.” That earns another snort from Roy. 

“Right,” you say. “Well, I guess I’m up for anything.”

“You mean ‘down,’” says Ted. “Oh I’m sorry, is it too soon?”

“Never,” you reply. “It’s never too soon to make trauma-related puns and this world, it’s either laugh or cry. So fuck it, I’m going to laugh.”

“Fuck yes,” grunts Roy before turning on his heel to yell at the team to GET THE FUCK ON THE PITCH YOU LITTLE PRICKS!

—

You don’t do much except sit there and watch as the coaches yell and point and run drills. It’s a chore to remind yourself not to check out Jamie’s butt as he runs by so you start thinking not yours, not yours, like a mental mantra. 

He’s not looking at you so you won’t look at him and you’re sure it won’t be a problem because there are so many people to look at and talk to, except lunch rolls around (haha) and you sit at the head of a table and Jamie’s on the bench right next to you. So. There goes the no eye-contact plan. 

You take exactly two bites of your sandwich before thinking fuck this and pushing yourself back so you can roll away. You can just take the elevator to see Becca. 

You’ve made it a good way down the hall when you hear Jamie calling your name while saying, “Wait,” so you move a little faster. 

But it’s still new and you’re painfully reminded that arms are not legs so he catches you with ease. 

 “The fuck are you running away for?” he asks, and you want to point out that technically, you weren’t running. Metaphorically though, he’d be right. 

“I’m not running,” you reply. “I was just going to see Rebecca.”

“Bullshit,” he says. “I know you, and that was running. Is it because of me?”

“No,” you say, and you realize how much you’ve been looking up today. Your fucking neck needs a break so you rub it and look straight ahead, past Jamie at a life-size decal of O’Brien on the opposite wall. 

“Why would I be running away from you? You’re not- I’m the shitty ex in this situation. I’m the one who fucked things up, Jamie, so… you don’t have to like, pretend that it’s your problem. I actually think it would be better if you were just mad and avoided me instead of whatever the hell is currently happening.”

Jamie rubs his jaw. He should be exasperated, he should, but instead the gears in his mind are turning. A few words stick out to him and then it’s like the final puzzle piece has clicked into place. 

“Hang on,” he says slowly. “Hold the fuck up. Did you mess things up on purpose?”

The moment the words are out of his mouth he wants to take them back and apologize, because there’s no way they’re actually true, except you have a look on your face that can only be described as guilty. 

“Fuuckkk,” Jamie breathes out and you hurriedly interject, “It wasn’t intentional! At least, not at first. It started because I was irritable because I hurt a lot, and then I convinced myself that I was faking it so I got mad at myself for being a little liar. And then I couldn’t sleep because I hurt so bad and everything was making me uncomfortable so I started snapping at you. I noticed it pretty quick so I figured I’d get the pain checked out and sorted because I didn’t think pulled muscles were supposed to last this long. And it turned out that it wasn’t a pulled muscle but some of my disks were all weird, and then one day in between physical therapy and the chiropractor, I fell on my back and jostled everything wrong and it fucking popped.”

Jamie thinks he knows exactly when that was. He remembers you saying something about falling while walking to your car after work and him asking if you needed ice. It was at the tail end of things, and he’d taken your stiffness figuratively as opposed to literally. Like, you were acting all cold because you hated him, not because you couldn’t move. 

“So,” you continue, “I just leaned into it. I mean, Dr. Hadley was only one of my doctors, but she’s the one who told me I- you know, could end up like this. She said if things popped and it got into my spinal cord or fluid or whatever and they couldn’t get it out, it was only a matter of time before it messed everything up. They only way to stop it at that point would be to not move so either way, I end up stuck.” 

You half-sob, half-laugh. “I didn’t know how to tell you and I could tell you were already annoyed with me so I just decided to let it happen. You’re better off without me, anyway. I hate asking for help and I hate when people give me empathetic looks or what-fucking-ever, and I was going to have to ask you for a lot of help. You don’t even fucking have time for that, Jamie.”

Jamie is at a loss for words, and you’ve run out of things to say. 

You stare at each other in the hallway by the elevator, breathing heavily. You’ve both triggered each other’s fight-or-flight response, and it seems you’re both down for a fight.

“Right,” Jamie says finally, “ok, yeah, ok. You didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to have to deal with this?”

You nod. 

“Right,” he says again. “That’s fucked up.”

You don’t respond and he looks at you closely. “You know that’s fucked up, yeah?”

You shrug. 

“Jesus, babe.” Jamie runs his hands through his hair. He’s going to have to fix his headbands. “Alright,” he says yet again, “look. Dr. Sharon and me- we talk. And, you’re supposed to be able to talk to people about shit like this. Like, me playing football isn’t supposed to mean I don’t have time for the people I love. And if you’re feeling that way or if you’re hurting, you have to tell me so I don’t think you’re being all pissed off because you hate me. That’s the whole point of love, babe. You take care of each other’s shit.”

“Jamie, I can’t get places easily anymore. I can’t drive and I can’t go up steps. I will never be able to storm the pitch to kiss you or walk with you in Brazil. I get mad really easily because everything’s so fucking frustrating and I just want to punch something.” You shake your head. “You don’t deserve any of that. You need someone who can be there for you and isn’t a total pill to be around.”

“Are you fucking trying to push me away?” he asks.

“Yes!” you exclaim. “Obviously!”

“Well fucking don’t. You almost had me the first time, but good luck getting rid of me now.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“For fuck’s sake, just kiss,” groans Will, walking by with an armful of laundry. 

“Fuck off, William!” you both say in unison and then Jamie’s on one knee, eye-level with you and brushing a thumb across your chin. 

“Fucking hell, love,” he breathes. “You have to remember that you can talk to me, yeah? Just promise you’ll remember.”

You nod, unable to speak. 

“Good,” he says. “We’re giving this another go. And if you can’t kiss me on the pitch, might as well do it here, yeah?”

[necrotic-nephilim]

If I may ask, what is your top 10 fics(excluding the Slade/Steph fic)?

oooh, yes! (obligatory rec of the above-mentioned SladeSteph fic by the lovely @kevin-day-is-bi tho bc it's so worth a read for anyone who hasn't read it) most of these are Batcest related, but there are a couple of gen fics as well that really hold a special place in my heart

In The Company of Monsters - this is a No Capes AU dystopian DamiTim fic that is unfinished but. god i can never not recommend it. i've liked this fic longer than i've liked Batcest, this fic used to be my "okay i dislike the ship but this is my exception". i adore how Damian and Tim are written, i adore the world building, this is just. my roman empire.

Robins And Other Flightless Birds - a mostly genfic that follows a Bruce without a Batfamily just. adopting members of the Batfam across the multiverse who were never saved. Dick is a Talon, Tim is Joker Junior, etc. i usually don't go for Good Dad Bruce fics, but there's something so special about this fic and how it writes Bruce struggling to adjust to having kids with no experience bc he craved a family.

The Music We Make is Unnatural - this was written as a gift for me in the JayTim exchange by the lovely @rottenapricots and GOD is it everything i could've asked for. for such a short fic it packs a wonderful punch exploring the premise of Jason who never died and Tim who's Ra's' apprentince. it has so many JayTim tropes i love while still being something unique and special on its own.

props - this is a series and it's long, but god is it gloriously fucked up. this surrounds mostly JayBruTim, where Jason and Bruce solve their uses by using Tim as a toy between them, and then the aftermath of Dick finding out. it's so good. this series just lives rent free in my brain and i cannot recommend it enough to dead dove enjoyers.

all the men and women merely players - a Tim-centric fic that explores Tim being self aware and breaking the fourth wall, but from a very whump/angsty perspective. i adore fourth wall breaking that feels more like psychological horror as a character struggles to grip that their reality is malleable and out of their control. and this fic does it SO well.

I Know What My Brother Is - a Reverse Robins DamiTim fic that has everything i adore about RR and DamiTim in one place. their dynamic, the sexual exploration, everything in this is just top notch and i truly adore RR!DamiTim.

Keep you warm - JayDickTim fic with Talon!Dick and Omegaverse. this really delights me bc there are just so many layers to how this relationship builds and how these three end up together despite a lot of initial rocky territory.

Catch me low - this fic was recommended to me recently and i'm still just starting it, but i adore the concept already. this has DickTimJayBruce and Jason universe hopping to "make things right" in a very fun dead dove kind of way.

When You Move I'm Moved - a TimKon PWP that explores just how far you can reasonably take TTK. and god is it everything to me. the smut is so good and all the kinks just. hit the spot. i want to chew on this fic.

one life for the many - this is a dark BruTim fic that's very short but has a special place in my heart for exploring my favorite sort of BruTim dynamic where Tim considers the risks of being Robin and ends up ina sexual relationship with Bruce reluctantly. it's just so good and i love Tim's internal logic.

also an honorable mention to a fic that's not DC, but an MHA ShinBkau fic i regularly reread, NyQuil™. i just have a soft spot for adult AU ShinBaku fics even tho i don't read MHA much anymore. it's so crunchy to me.

[citrusses]

January: 2023 Wrapped 🎁🍊

*some* of my favorite 2023 fics, by month they were published (or started to publish, or finished publishing, it's arbitrary bc i make the rules), plus some thoughts on what made these fics so special.

January | February | March | April, May, June | July | August | September | October | November | December

Chicken Shop Date by @sorrybutblog (T, 2K)

Draco and Harry sit down for an interview. Or is it a date?

This is such a fun premise and the Harry/Draco banter just sizzles. The atmosphere is so rich! 2K words of perfection that pack an outsized punch.

Close Behind by @oflights (M, 134K)

To rescue Draco from the Underworld, Harry has to look forward. Unfortunately, Draco has to look back.

A masterpiece that deconstructs every relationship in the HP universe and then rebuilds it, that does mind-boggling things with narrative structure, that stressed me out so badly I felt physically ill, that was so moving it left me bursting into tears for days after I read it, that had the funniest single line I've read in a fic maybe ever. So far reading this is the only time I've ever checked the tags on a fic for "happy ending" because I was so emotionally overwhelmed by it that I needed to know it would be ok in the end. I can't overstate how much I love this one.

For Lack of Wanting by @fluxweeed (E, 8K)

Over the last ten years, I’ve worked hard to become a better person. I hate being reminded of who I used to be. But Harry likes it when I’m mean.

A gorgeous, painful story that explores a kind of Harry/Draco dynamic that's not seen as often in fics (a SAD one), but is done exceptionally well here. It hurts so good!

Nights With You by @the-sinking-ship (E, 58K)

Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed. Never a man to squander an opportunity for revenge (and what would probably be a spectacular shag), Draco vows to make Potter his for the weekend. Now all Draco has to do is convince him.

@the-sinking-ship regularly writes: my favorite kind of Draco, my favorite kind of romance/getting together AND my favorite kind of smut. This fic is all of those things.

Polar Night/Midnight Sun by toomuchplor (E, 54K)

Harry travels to arctic Norway on the trail of dragon egg poachers, only to find he's been assigned to work alongside the only NorMagPol Auror north of sixty: one Draco Malfoy. It's been ten years since they crossed paths, and Malfoy isn't exactly what Harry expected or remembered. For one thing, he wears a lot more hand-knits? When a sudden winter storm strands the pair, unable to use magic to rescue themselves, they take shelter in a one-room Norwegian hytte.

The hottest fic in the coldest setting, this one made me absolutely FERAL. The most evocative scenery, incredible characterization, and the perfect pacing building to an explosively sexy and tender relationship. Also I would read like, 100K more words on just the mittens and jumpers and scarves of this fic, which are not items of clothing I have cared much about in the past. It's just that every detail, down to the smallest, is incredible!

When It Returns by @academicdisasterfic (M, 8K)

‘You’re late, layabout,’ Malfoy drawled, pushing the whiskey over to him. ‘I’ll have you know that I am very busy maintaining a whole house and garden by myself now.’ ‘Oooh, the dead husband card. Before any alcohol. Is that a record?’ Harry's husband is dead, and Malfoy is the only one who gets it. Or, the one where they drink at a straight man pub, renovate a house, and learn how to find joy again.

January was a good month for feeling bad. It's another angsty one! This one is full of beautiful healing in the face of a loss that feels very real, Draco annoying Harry out of his grief spiral (but in a loving way?) and Harry being on the right side of almost too stubborn for it to work. I have read and reread this many times already!

[raayllum]

I read say the wind won't change on us at least once a week if I don't I will wither away and die what the HELL have you and burrs done to me

Aww thank you so much! that fic was one @thosefiveadoraburrs and i had a lot of fun writing in spite of the angsty subject matter! also weirdly enough felt like Growth in a lot of ways since one of our first rayllum oneshots 4+ years ago was a "Rayla is sick" fic and this like a much more in-depth follow up, at least in terms of premise?

Getting to weave in other characters (namely Ezran, Nyx, and Ethari) as Rayllum navigates the situation and all the big feelings that come with it was a treat, too, since it's rare to write the latter two overall

Did not, of course, expect any of it let alone 2+ things to have a weird amount of parallels to S5 and S6 though, but very pleased all the same!

“Thank you,” Callum said. “But I haven’t found anything yet. We’d probably have to turn right around and leave the sea entirely—” “Leave the sea?” Ezran repeated more doubtfully. They were more than halfway toward the centre, and that’d taken almost a week. They wouldn’t make it back in time if they turned around now, and they only had one ship.  Nyx raised her hand. “Uh, do you really have time for that kind of detour? Don’t you guys have like, the end of the world to stop?” Callum ground his teeth together. “I don’t care about—Rayla might not have two weeks.” 

She mock-gasped. “Oh no, whatever shall we do? If only we had a mage who could fly places—” Callum chuckled and shook his head at her, leaning in closer. His free hand rested on the railing by her hip. Did this count as flirting, she thought, slightly light-headed? “Y’know, I think I might know a guy.” “Oh we couldn’t get him,” she puttered. “Too busy and in-demand.” “I dunno, I’m pretty good at drawing on connections.” She arched an eyebrow. “Are you now?” “Well yeah.” His big goofy grin softened, his fingers entwining themselves with hers. “Word is there’s this elf girl he’s got a big soft spot for—would do anything for her.”

and it was either very early in the morning or very late at night when the door to the sleeping quarters burst open. She forced her eyes open, ears pricking between laboured breaths, and then nearly let out a sob in relief. “Callum.” [...] “You’re here,” Rayla rasped. 

[ashoss]

I LOVE Hermes kid Dick Grayson, I love Dionysus kid Steph, and I'm torn bc both Athena kid Barbara and Jason make so much sense but it's not fun if we repeat :(

I think the obvious choice for Jason is Ares, but that makes me very sad. Also, given Cass's origin story it makes sense for her father to be Ares–except taking the place of Shiva. Mythologically the gods could turn into animals but unlike the Norse gods I don't think any of them ever was a mother. Except for Zeus, arguably (see: the births of Athena and Dionysus). I just see Ares being attracted to David Cain's…*gestures vaguely* everything. And Cass fighting the heritage of violence she was born to, but I see the same with Jason.

Also to the Zeus kid Dick anon: not to worry fam, I gotchu: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825744

This series by emavee is mostly Dick & Bruce and has a lot of variations of magical!Dick hiding his identity/abilities from Bruce.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37798489

That one is werewolf!Dick Grayson but it's the same premise.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53461267#main

Here's an angsty case fic with regular Robin Dick Grayson and soft dad Bruce.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45895753

And lastly here's an incredibly soft fic with actual baby bat Dick and more soft Dad Bruce.

Back to PJO Batfam kids: maybe Cass becomes a huntress of Artemis? IDK. Also I see Alfred being a follower if not a son of Hestia. She's another virgin goddess but most top goddesses are for sexist reasons, I say let them fuck nasty.

i do really like Athena kid Babs and Jason!! but i think i might make her a clearsighted mortal and Jason I'm still torn on,, but yeah i kind of want to make them all children of different gods but maybe ill have an exception or two :)

i do like ares kid jason but i feel like that might play into his angry angsty thing too much? its kind of a copout if that makes sense. ares kid cass does make sense but im not 100% sure on it. (and on that mother thing, apollo kid kayla actually has a mortal dad - meaning apollo probably birthed kayla so!!)

hunter of artemis cass is def interesting and i might play around with that? also alfred is 100% a hestia devotee at the least ( or maybe hestia herself? who knows?)

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

can i ask for a quick rundown of your mcd and/or mystreet rewrite? i’m a new follower and a tiny bit lost 😭

Ah, Ofc!! this will be a long post, because you said 'quick' and i just heard 'explain everything'. just because I don't know HOW to summarise everything, so I just explain what I can... which is too much.

each section will have a TL;DR if it's long, though.

So, the only rewrite I’ve actually, like, done so far is Amaranth (https://archiveofourown.org/works/31310384)

It’s an MCD rewrite, the first one I did, and it’s not **technically** related to my overall rewrite universe, though I’m not going to totally discredit it. It’s where I got a lot of my ideas, and it was sort of a first draft for me. It’s very similar to MCD, just with events changed to how I would have written them myself. Major change is that the Zane/aphmau engagement actually goes somewhere. My favourite change was the Pikoro arc tho for some reason bc it was just my first significant deviation from the original plot.

Now… cannibalism and cult stuff, yeah?

(Don’t read past this point if you are uncomfortable with discussions of human-on-human meat/organ consumption)

Lycoris Radiata (https://archiveofourown.org/works/50710504) is the only part of this current era of rewrite!Aphverse that has any content so far.

TL;DR for this section: i mostly just emphasised themes present in canon, there's cannibalism for magical reasons, Shad is more relevant early on, and there's a reason why characters look like that when i draw them, i promise. Also, cult stuff!

LR is an MCD rewrite, which has some lore changes. It begins with Avra (Aphmau) travelling with Visher, Garroth being angsty, and so on. Only the prologue and first chapter are currently posted, and you don't need to read Amaranth to begin it (though it will follow similar storylines later on). Basically, the main premise is that it’s kind of a criticism of imperialism, organised religion, and so on. Those are themes already present in original MCD, and so I… expanded. Blood Magic is the main magic focused on as well. It's the kind that Avra uses, and it's the kind that makes SKs function. Avra has to consume blood and meat (typically organ meat, preferably human) in order to have any amount of magic, and depending on what creature the meat comes from, also grants her some fun little magical extras. She also has a strong association with Judgement(Shad) in my rewrite, and there is a reason I draw them so often together. Most character changes you'll see have some lore-based backing for it. Characters who are made darker-skinned, or have had their haircolour changed, it's typically due to them belonging to a particular ethnic group that i made for Ru'Aun or Tu'La, which does impact their characters in the way that they obviously grew up under certain cultures. Sometimes it'll just be because I think it looks cool, or for visual/thematic parallels with another character. If you're ever curious as to knowing why i have certain characters looking the way I do, then just ask. Oh, also, people aren't just loyal to Avra because she's nice. there's like an actual cult thing that begins happening and to say there's some weird shit with that would be... underselling it.

A Royal Tale, and Mermaid Tales both fall into the timeline between LR and the MyS rewrite. they're quite insignificant series, but i decided to devote myself to being a completionist.

My plans for them aren't really set in stone yet, but I know i want to expand upon them and their lore a lot more, and they will eventually both fall into the, uh, cannibalism and murder theme of the rest of the rewrites. they'll likely be little side projects. I have trauma from ART tho. Show makes me *uncomfy*

Mystreet.... yayyyy...

No official name for the rewrite yet, I'm working on it.

TL;DR: If you let an edgy teenager write MyS but they also watched desperate housewives so they write some sitcom episodes on the side. Also, Avra needs that gross-tasting nailpolish that stops you from chewing on your nails... but like... all over her body.

Basically, MyS except they've always been reincarnations of their MCD (or LR, in this case) selves, with some residual trauma and habits because of that. I'm going to lean more into the darker seasons, even though Ik popular opinion is that the light-hearted ones were the best, and I'll just focus more on lore and stuff. PDH has a 17 year old Avra joining PDH, after being homeschooled for a while due to having some mental health issues. I'm going to go a little more 'general highschool drama' vibes, might have some mystery shit idk. Will be less cringe than canon, because yes, i'm cringe and i'm free, but even i have limits. The more lighthearted seasons might just be amalgamed into one big 'sitcom style' fic, which will be set before S4 and such, but i'll probably make lighthearted chapters between the serious ones. S4, Aphmau's Year, S5, S6 and Her Wish will be my main priority, and will go into the whole murder and cannibalism theme of LR. It'll already have been kind of expanded upon, because MyS!Avra has a bit of a habit of auto-cannibalism (eating the skin around her nails/on her fingers, on the inside of her cheeks and on her lips) which eventually just... goes a little crazy. There is gonna be cult stuff in MyS too, it just might present differently to how it does in LR. Or maybe similarly. Idk, depends on how you view it.

[jestbee]

Fic Graveyard Tag

So @scoops404 asked me to list the fics in my "fic Graveyard" aka the fics in my google docs that I started but will probably not continue, and I decided to make it a tag for all my writer friends to do. List all the fics you started writing but probably won't continue and then tag some friends to do the same: For my version of this I've only included fics where I have over a couple thousand words because I have lots of docs with like 200/300 words in and that would be a really long list. Honourable mentions at the end! Working title/doc title: From whence you came Premise: Fae!George and Knight!Dream dsmp fic Pairing: dnf with side karlnap Word count: 7,602 Reason you stopped writing it: I'm not really a fantasy writer I just got the idea in my head and wrote a bunch of it. The karlnap dynamic in this of like himbo sapnap and mage!karl lives in my head rent free though

Working title/doc title: Shiny Things/You Earned It Premise: Sugar Baby AU Pairing: dnf Word count: 2,627 Reason you stopped writing it: I struggled with the initial way in to this as I didn't want to do it entirely AU but they both have a lot of their own money irl and although George likes when ppl pay for things the initial way into the arrangement didn't work for me. It kept coming out a bit more findom. I have extensive notes on it though and I may return to something similar at some point

Working title/doc title: the porn star au that Dream asked for Premise: They're porn stars, Dream is faceless and does amateur solo stuff on OnlyFans but is really successful, George does studio movies and is popular in his own right. Dream wants to transition to movie work for the money and requests to work with George, but no one is actually sure if he's gay or just gay for pay. This was based on Dream's tweet about "in an alternate universe I'm a gay porn star are still get cancelled for queerbaiting" or whatever it was he said. Anyway, every time I read my notes for this I love it a bit more Pairing: dnf Word count: 2,749 Reason you stopped writing it: Honestly, I liked the premise so much I worried about not doing it justice and now I get scared every time I try

Working title/doc title: Tricksy Dreamon times Premise: dsmp fic where DreamXD keep taunting George in the wake of Dream being locked in prison but then Dream escapes and shows up on George's doorstep all traumatised and in need of care. Essentially just some angsty hurt/comfort Pairing: dnf Word count: 4,327 Reason you stopped writing it: Again, I'm not really a fantasy writer or dsmp writer, my friend Charlotte just loved some fics like this and so I wanted to write her one but it's not really in my wheelhouse and so I'll leave her to read the actual good ones

Working title/doc title: the royalty au dream wants but that I didn't think I'd ever write Premise: George is a rebellious prince sleeping with a knight called Dream he doesn't really get along with but then he becomes King unexpectedly due to the death of his father and is faced with the perils of trying to govern a country. He's expected to marry the prince of a nearby kingdom in order to solidify their alliance, but he just can't seem to shake Dream, who has some very strong opinions about how George could be running things instead Pairing: dnf Word count: 1,804 Reason you stopped writing it: Again, not really my usual kind of thing. I'm a contemporary romance write - I don't know why I keep starting these things

Honourable mentions (fics that are a couple hundred words): Werewolf!Dream au - again, not my thing Spanking fic - There are already so many good ones and anything I could have put in this will probably be in a future longer fic of mine Living like you said - a fic with the summary "As YouTube falls apart, Dream and George fall together" about them contemplating quitting while getting together - idk why I gave this up except I didn't have a clear outline for it How to deal with alpha roommates - I so badly want to write more Beta!George like in my fic That's How We Play It (please read, it's my baby) and I started with a premise but again didn't have a clear outline, just a desire for Beta!George fake snf for the bet - what it says on the tin, really. abandoned because I lost enthusiasm for it (Sapnap probably pissed me off that day) Fertitlity stuff - occasionally I start fic to exorcise some personal demons and this was an mpreg one where they faced fertility issues and then split up only to get back together later on but then - well, my own life happened and it made this a bit impossible to continue. This is just the DNF, if you wanna see the Phan list, let me know!! I'm tagging: @scoops404 @czargasm @alittledizzy to do this too fi they want but also if they don't that's cool too :)

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: Rise of the Guardians

So I vaguely remember watching this movie at a Walmart once while I was waiting on my car to get fixed. Fuck all if I remember anything about it though other than that people ship the ice twink with Elsa or whatever. So I kind of went into this one for my first active watching of it with bare expectations. How did I end up finding it then?

The Guardians are a group of mythical beings composed of North (Santa Claus), the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Sandman, and their newest recruit, Jack Frost. Together, they protect the children of the world from the villainous Pitch Black (the Boogeyman) from spreading fear across the entire world. A pretty solid setup with some good payoff, but... there are problems.

I think my biggest issue with Rise of the Guardians is... well, its ambitious. A bit too ambitious for its own good at times. It has so much it wants to establish with these characters and how their roles and powers work that it sometimes bogs itself down with all of the details and... overcomplicates things a bit too much? Like on its own, we all are familiar with the concept of Santa or the Easter Bunny, and I do appreciate how creative this movie is with executing them and the work that they do. But sometimes, it just... gets in its own way? If that makes any sense?

So a simple premise that bogs itself down in the details. Ok, what else is there about this movie to redeem it? Lots, surprisingly! The Guardians are all really fun characters in their own right, and I loved the dynamic developed between them. Jack Frost is our focal point out of all of them, and I really liked him! He's an angsty little ice twink who can't been seen by almost anyone because no one believes him, so he has plenty of baggage for compelling drama. My one issue with him though is that I don't think Chris Pine's voice works for his character design? Like I look at that character and I do not think the voice of a man cresting his mid 40s. Its just a touch weird in terms of casting.

The other Guardians are also really fun and unique takes on characters we all already know. North is a delightfully different take on Santa, still just as jolly as we know him to be, with a slick action-hero element of him to the side. The Tooth Fairy has a very sweet, fast-paced energy to her, while the Easter Bunny brings a great edge of sass to compete with Jack throughout the film. The Sandman, while not saying a word, is probably my favorite of the bunch though. He's just so charming and sweet and while he isn't in much of the movie, he makes such a strong impact every second he's on screen.

Of course, we also have our villain, Pitch Black. He's sinister and manipulative, if not a bit... predictable? Like we've all seen this kind of villain before, he isn't doing anything new, but he works well as a foil for this team, especially for Jack and I think he's an ok antagonist overall.

Visually, this movie is beautiful, so unlike almost anything Dreamworks has ever made before, with gorgeous effects and fantastically animated action sequences. The character designs are so... un-Dreamworks, but they work so nicely in the world they inhabit. That world itself is beautifully built, especially in its more fantastical setpieces like the Tooth Palace or the North Pole. The score was also lovely to listen to, capturing the sheer creativity of this movie so nicely.

At the end of the day, I think that's the perfect word to describe Rise of the Guardians. It's very creative, with a lot of love and thought clearly poured into it. It really is a shame that it didn't go anywhere further into a series or more sequels because I would have loved to see more of this team and watch them just... be together. They're that fun to watch in action. Same for the movie itself. It's good!

Overall Rating: 8/10

Verdict: All hail the Ice Twink

Previous Review (Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted)

Next Review (The Croods)

[ittybittyluci]

Luci Angst Fic Idea That’s Been Rattling Around In My Head

Okay, so, it’s no real secret that I absolutely love angst and Hurt/Comfort content. I slurp that shit up like there’s no tomorrow. And recently my darling brain has been so kind as to supply me a new concept that could be shoved into a whole number of Lucifer angst fics.

Basically the premise is this:

Part of Lucifer’s punishment is that every year on the same day, a member of the heavenly court (the same Angel every time) comes down to administer a little “reminder” to keep Lucifer in line. Basically, he gets tortured, and the shit beat out of him annually to make sure he stays depressed. The Angel that does this is called “The Punisher” and they are very strong, but also have cool mind fuckery powers that they use to really get inside Luci’s head.

Most of my ideas are Charlie (who doesn’t know) finding out about this when it happens after Luci moves into the hotel, and being absolutely MORTIFIED! Good old Father-Daughter time. U know the drill. Sometimes my brain even likes to be like “oh yeah, the day of/after his Punishment Day was the day Lilith took Charlie and left” because I just love to make him suffer so he can be sympathized w/. I’m just like that don’t fucking judge, it’s not as weird as u think. Maybe. Whatever.

Anyway, yeah. It’s BRUTAL!

Content warning below for descriptions of violence next for some of the things I imagine happening to him, as well as an illustration with a shit ton of gold blood all over the place.

- A lot of the times they will do stuff to his wings to be like “you don’t deserve these.” Either rip them off and force them to grow back, break them, and once (the time Charlie finds out) skinning them to take the feathers off. That one is particularly angsty and I can’t help but be drawn to the heartbreaking-ness of it.

- Lots of punching, kicking, hitting scratching, and throwing him around.

- Concentrated holy water or holy light or something to burn

- Lots of emotional degradation (not the kink, if that wasn’t obvious)

- Induced hallucinations of everyone he loves hating him

- And, u know, whatever new toys The Punisher comes up with.

Here’s a pretty little drawing too! Because I’m a terrible person (as always, Tumblr is gonna fuck up the quality and I’m not smart enough to know how to do ‘tap for higher resolution’ so here’s a link to a better version: tehe )

[chartreuseian]

Fanfic Tag Game!

Tagged by the one and only @sarcasticsciencefictionwriter ❤️

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Only 22!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

492,234. Which is a lot of words per fic, yes.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Sanctuary. Though I used to write for others

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Mr & Mrs - 110

Love Don't Die - 46

With Interest - 30 (but I feel this is misleading in that it's been up the longest)

Sturdy (29)

And it's a tie for fifth! Both What Should Have Happened After The Clean Up and When Will Failed the Perception Test have 18.

It is hilarious to me that only one of these is G rated. On is M rated, but otherwise it's explicit all the way 😲

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to! The only time I don't is if I've already been chatting to the person about the thing. But otherwise yes. Come be my friend via the comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I had one called 'Release' that was all about Helen dying and choosing to go which was pretty angsty. 'She Had Him at Hello' is also gonna have a more angsty ending because canon is angsty when it comes to Helen and Nikola...

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hehe. Most of them? I generally prefer happy endings because life is dark and depressing enough all on its own... I mean I did a whole series where the central premise was giving Helen and Nikola the happy ending the writers weren't willing to offer...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Honestly, not since joining the Sanctuary fandom. The only really awful, vitrolic hate I recieved was in a different fandom (nothing quite like a gang of middle aged women telling you that you're awful to start off your writing journey!!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lol. Yes. Most kinds. I'm new to the kinkier stuff, but provided it is consensual, I'm game.

Most of my stuff is romantic-y though. I like to write the tender stuff, with the occasional rough and tumble threaded throughout.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Haven't done one yet! Though I'm not adverse to it - my brain just doesn't work that way.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I... I don't think so. Is that a thing people do?! Yikes...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. Again though, not adverse to the idea!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Helen/Nikola. Hands down. Their dynamic is *chefs kiss*

16. What are your writing strengths?

Description, probably. And build up maybe? I'm pretty good at stretching out the anticipation...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight sequences. I know in theory they're no different to sex scenes, but a lot of the smut I write is about the feeling rather than the action.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I used to do a fair bit of it, but I've found ways around it now so that I don't have to struggle with grammar I'm absolutely going to get wrong. The only exceptions for me are when I want to use a single word (like when Helen meets one of Nikola's sisters and she says 'sestra') where translation is clear, or when a character is trying to hide something from another. But even then I'll normally not use more than a word or two.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Private Practice.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Well, my current favourite is 'Stupid' because it really was my first go at writing some proper kinky stuff and I'm pretty pleased with how chapter 2 turned out, even if I'm still a bit nervous about posting it because it's more intense than anything I've written before.

Tagging @tinknevertalks @theleotorrio @writerxwren (and anyone else who wants to play along!!)

[captain-of-silvenar]

F, G, H, M, and S for the fanfic asks!!!! <3333

Hi Bishop! Thanks for the ask!

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

From Chapter 2 of First Impressions, referencing Yera wanting to go into the abandoned Raven Rock Mines:

“And what's to say the opposite? Maybe there is something lurking in the mines that caused it to close off and no one's been able to find out. Maybe just one last look around will be our luck instead.”

“Says someone who sounds like they want a cave-in. I thought you hired me to be a guide?” Teldryn asked.

“As you are, and I am putting my trust in you right now that you're the mer for the job and will keep me safe. So how is an old and empty mine anymore dangerous than a cave we'll explore later outside the Bulwark?”

He wasn't going to fall for this, this had to be a kind of test. His judgment couldn’t have been this wrong to tie himself to someone willing to go blindly - literally! - into an old mining shaft abandoned for nearly a century just for fun. No, he was putting his foot down like he's done before and holding his ground.

“If you need me to spell it out for you, I will,” he started. “Who knows how long those walls have eroded away and are structurally unsound at this point. And if we ignore that, I'm sure all those nooks and crannies are filled with all sorts of skeever or whatever beasts crawled their way in from the outside. Should we get in a cave-in but survive then we’d have no way of getting back out on account of the fact there’s only one way inside. You can try to convince me, sera, but there is no way I am getting anywhere near those mines or Azura help me-”

* * *

"But mark my words, these mines hold a secret that could put Raven Rock back on the map."

I enjoyed writing this scene for a few reasons. The comedic timing of cutting way to Yera absolutely dragging Teldryn toward the mines was too good an opportunity to pass up.

And also it showed the kind of personality Yera has to the audience at the moment. Maybe reckless, maybe over confident, but self assured in her own worth to speak of it jokingly in the face of Teldryn giving actual advise about risks.

Plus it's funny to put characters in situations. Always put your characters in situations, it's for enrichment.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I very much write out of order. I've tried writing from start to finish a lot in my life and I always get stuck and never get to the scene I want to write. So I just learned to skip right to the part I want to write the most and then backtrack to see if I can make it fit.

Most of the time I can, sometimes it just doesn't work but words written down are better than lost in your mind.

H: How would you describe your style?

I would say that I'm very scene orientated. I like to set the stage and describe the feeling of an area before jumping into it. I also do like a character focus perspective and how they interpret things through their own lens.

What might be overlooked by one character, another would latch onto and mentally describe it for the audience to understand what makes the character tick or gleeful.

I'm also always open to trying out different things and seeing how it works out. I've always written just for myself but I'm working on breaking out of it and sharing my work online, just to get a new experience.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I might've spoken about it in the tags of another post, but I got this fic with a Maormer/Mermaid brewing in the back. Mermaids were my childhood obsession so I just revived it and now it's half of what I think of these days, haha.

Another is this really strange and angsty/whump fic I have between Yera and Miraak. Of a premise where he wins, absorbs her soul, and the consequences of eating another soul that eats other immortal souls. What happens when two of them are placed in one body? Bad things I'll tell you!

And one I do have published but hasn't been updated in a few years is The Telvanni Master fic on Ao3. It follows my character Lorana Alithar and how she is viewed by several characters with different degrees of familiarity. Writing a story about her, without ever having her speak as the main voice. Really fun!

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Enemies to lovers; bodyguards to lovers; found family; star-crossed lovers; a lot of romantic tropes haha.

When it comes to fandom tropes, I'm actually not quite versed in them or I kind of ignore them. Comes with the territory of just sitting in your own writing and not really delving deep into the fandom territory.

But a good trope where a character has to self-reflect and evaluate themselves against new information is tasty and good to explore.

ask meme can be found here!

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

20 Questions for fic writers!

Thanks for the tags @artsyunderstudy @wellbelesbian @prettygoododds and @bookish-bogwitch! It was fun reading your answers 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22! 3 are collabs, and some of mine are quite short but I am still proud of that number.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

315,168. (That number is crazy) but again, some of that is collabs, including Birthday Man which is 39k and written by several people, and my part was very short. I would guess the real number is around 265k, which…damn. That’s still a lot.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Carry On! That’s it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Plus One

Rose-Colored Glasses

Shield Me

How to Avoid a Scandal

Archery 101

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! I love getting comments. We have such a rich comment culture in our fandom and it’s something I really enjoy participating in. I feel like I’m doing my part to keep that comment culture robust when I engage with other commenters.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I was about to say I don’t do angsty endings, but then I remembered my mafia fic Button Man and, fuck. Yeah, that one’s real angsty.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them are happy I think. Beastly is a fairytale with a traditional happy ending, but honestly most of them are, especially the longer ones. I even left Button Man as ambiguous because I’m a wimp 😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! This fandom is so nice, we rarely see hate and I hope we can keep it that way.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Mostly super tender and full of emotion. Sappy porn.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope. A few AUs but none with any actual character crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! Is that a thing? Beside AI scrapping I hadn’t ever heard of that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A few! Plus One with @fatalfangirl and Archery 101 with @whatevertheweather, plus contributing to Birthday Man. Co-writing can be challenging at times but mostly it’s been good fun.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Snowbaz. Always and forever

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have some things languishing in my docs but the only WIP that’s published is Depth of Reason and I fully intend to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably emotions and inner thoughts. I like the plots and premises that drive my stories as well. I think I’ve got some creative ones in there.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

When I read other works I can always find things i appreciate that others do well that I wish I could do better. I wish I was funnier. I wish I could write banter or witty dialogue or crack. I wish I could be more poetic. I wish my writing was sexier or more visceral. Maybe I’ll get better at these things. And maybe I’ll never write in styles I appreciate. Which is okay. We can’t do it all.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Besame mucho 😘 No, idk my language skills are crap so I doubt I’d do this in a fic unless I saw a need for it in a story and I had someone’s help with it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Carry On is the only fandom I’ve written for. And the only creative writing I’ve done, too!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Depth of Reason. It isn’t finished but it’s my baby.

This was fun! No pressure tagging @fatalfangirl @whatevertheweather @cutestkilla @aristocratic-otter @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus

[nobigsecrets]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

I was tagged for this by @luredin a few days ago and recently also by @itwoodbeprefect, thank you both!

How many works do you have on AO3?

68 works

What's your total AO3 word count?

157,933

What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment, it's still mostly H50 and some Ted Lasso.

Generally, the fandoms that make me want to write for them are the ones where I feel that there's still much left untold by canon. Be it character backstories that are just hinted at or be it the chemistry between two characters that makes me ship them, when I can't stop thinking about them it's usually me starting to write stories about them in my mind already.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Beautiful Thing (H50)

Oi! Tartt! Boot Room now! (Ted Lasso)

A Sense of Belonging (H50)

A hui hou nō (H50)

Together (we make a family) (H50)

Funnily enough, the first two fics are basically the same premise, just different fandoms: an outsider POV catching a private moment between the main characters and watching a kiss that wasn't meant for their eyes.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not as consistently as I want. Sometimes it's the bare lack of time, often times it's that I don't know what to say even though getting a new comment makes me ridiculously happy. Please know I love and appreciate every single comment I have ever received on my works!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a sucker for happy endings and I hate unresolved endings so I usually don't write them. I tend to end my stories on a hopeful note at the very least so I'm not sure it qualifies as an angsty ending, but Runaway is closest I think. It's one of the rare cases where I wrote the ending in between and before the middle part of the story.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I say it's my H50 finale fix-it, A hui hou nō.

Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully not.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally. I try to make it not just porn but include the emotions as well; I aim to capture the intimacy of the moment.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope. Not my thing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Here We Go Again was translated into Russian for Fandom Kombat last year: Ну вот, опять

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nothing that's officially published. But bouncing ideas back and forth in the comments or via dm is lots of fun and has added up to fic length regularly (especially with Katya; we haven't done that in a long while, @teruel-a-witch!).

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I think McDanno has ruined me for all other ships.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have a WIP that's a few years old where Danny and Steve help with the Spring Cleaning at Charlie's kindergarten. They are mistaken as a couple by the teachers and the other parents alike, no thanks to Charlie calling them both "Dad". It's one of the fics where I have written the first part (and I like how it turned out) and then I just stopped without leaving a clue for myself how it's supposed to resolve. I know I once had an idea for it, but no matter how many times I open the document I can't remember what it was.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I can write short stories well that are precise and that can pack a punch. I'm told I write emotions well but I'm not always sure I agree. :)

What are your writing weaknesses?

I often find it hard to write dialogue. It has gotten easier over the years but I still find it hard, especially since I'm not a native English speaker.

Also, generally, writing in a foreign language can be challenging. There are some cultural things (informal speech, behaviors, acronyms, insults, unwritten rules etc.) that are hard to research. I'd love to write more about Steve's military background for example, but I don't think I know enough about life in the US military to do that in a believable way.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Not a big fan. I mean, if it's subtle or if, for example a character uses one or a few words from their native language regularly, that can be meaningful and add to their characterization. But if it's whole sentences or dialogues in another language it tends to pull me out of the reading flow.

What I have really come to hate is written dialects. There are some Ted Lasso fics I refuse to read because they tried to write down Jamie's Mancunian accent. As funny as it is hearing it on the show, it's just annoying to read.

First fandom you wrote for?

Uh, Harry Potter maybe? Or RPF for the German band Die Ärzte? I did write some original stuff. The first fic I published was definitely Football RPF.

Favorite fic you've ever written?

I can't really chose a favorite one. There are many stories I feel proud of and there are others that mean a lot on a personal level. I'm gonna pick Me Ke Aloha pretty much at random and I might chose a different fic if you ask me again tomorrow. :)

Tagging: With no pressure @cowandcalf, @actingcamplibrarian, @emphasisonthehomo, @stellagioia, @goneahead and anyone who feels like answering these questions - it was fun!