#i know s3 will have a lot of dark moments too

[neyafromfrance95]

my thoughts on haladriel in ep8:

they chickened out a bit bc they 100% wanted to convey that sauron loves galadriel and she is the only light in his life, the light that he in fact worships, but it was maybe too subtle, too subtextual. and if this ending meant that galadriel suddenly fully overcame her darkness, well, that'd be a very rushed, weak development.

let me explain why i believe they wanted to show sauron's feelings for galadriel bordering love and obsession:

during the fight, sauron says that not all of it was an illusion. the expression on his face as he says it is genuine and melancholic. his longing is clear. and right after he says it, we see him as halbrand repeating that he felt connection with her, meaning that it was the truth.

he looks hopeful when he says that her door is still open to him and loses it when she tells him it's shut. now i don't think that it's actually shut yet as he talks to her through their mind connection as he asks for the ring (whether her fall meant shutting the door is going to be answered in s3).

"the door is still open" also suggests that his proposal is still active, and the hopeful, almost desperate look on his face as he says it, tells us a lot. it also recontextualizes what "the door" means in their relationship.

he plays with her, showing her illusions of her dark self, reminding her how alike they are. illusion!celebrimbor's line "are they not the seeds you've planted" proves that it was him who sent her those visions in the beginning. again, guilt-bonding her to himself.

"i would have placed a crown upon your head. i would never have rested until all middle-earth had been brought to its knees, to worship the light of its queen." he is earnest when he says it, and then there is this feral predatory look of want. it shows how he covets whatever he sees in her. i really loved the wording of "worship the light of its queen" as the shippers have been describing his coveting as the "worship of the light".

AGAIN, HE WANTS TO BRING ALL MIDDLE-EARTH TO ITS KNEES TO WORSHIP GALADRIEL, THEIR QUEEN EQUAL TO SAURON, AS HE WORSHIPS HER LIGHT HIMSELF. this part is essential in understanding sauron's feelings for galadriel and it's straight out of our fanons.

after she jumps, he loses it again and takes it out on his poor subordinate orc. rip. we can see him standing there and looking down while breathing heavily for longer than necessary.

yeah, he wounds her with the crown. but we don't know what he would have done with her had she given him the ring. honestly, if it was anyone else, they'd be dead the moment he saw nenya + the nine. the chickening out element plays in the way his intentions are vague, as he clearly doesn't want to hurt her and wants her to willingly give in, but ofc the evil sauron can't be too gray, he has to be dark dark.

subtextually, nenya is galadriel, him being transfixed with nenya tells us of his obsession with galadriel's light. i love when the stories employ subtext to say what the text can't eloquently, but in this case, they're employing it bc they got no guts.

his whole demeanor with her is completely different from how he presents himself with others. he plays with her as a predator with its pray, but he is being honest and raw. his anger is personal and the hints of delight when he greets her for the fist time - sincere.

the fight itself was as hot as it was violent. sorry not sorry. true dead dove enemies enjoyers still won. i stand by my opinion that this fight scene is the hottest thing in this show. when he pins her and pierces her with that crown, penetrating her flesh, and keeps pushing in as he tells her he wanted her as his queen to worship with a soft expression painted over his face, and then he looks at her as if he wants to violently devour her, eat her whole? yeah. that was er0tic.

i honestly am not sure where they will go with this. will the audience demand for more haladriel influence s3? it depends on whether the door is still open, and i think it is, and maybe sauron is going to get even more obsessed with possessing nenya(=galadriel)? i'm more worried that they will give in to the incelbro demand of watering galadriel down and simplifying her. so i hope her struggle with the darkness is not over yet. it felt like it was but if sauron starts to break into her mind more frequently, then it might not be the case. the fact that galadriel stops attacking him when he transforms into halbrand also indicates that she loves halbrand, and maybe will always love him no matter how she feels about sauron.

[magicwhiskers29]

“You don’t always have to be the Hero!”

“It doesn’t always need to be you!”

As I understand, this line has been thrown around a bit because, well, it’s just a really good line, for any situation it can fit for. It’s impactful, the voice work on the original is really good, and it summarises a lot of LMK season 5’s core themes really well! Heck, it probably summarises a lot of themes really well, but I think there’s something interesting to be found in the fact that it’s Macaque saying it, originally.

Let’s roll back a second to Shadow Play, s2e7, because I think that can really recontextualise it.

“The Hero and the Warrior were like the sun and moon, their light a protective glow, shining upon the world.”

“Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them, in either the Celestial Realms, or on Earth.”

“As time went on, the Hero gained power beyond comprehension.”

“As his light grew, so too did his shadow, and soon, the Warrior was cast in that shadow.”

“In the darkness, the Warrior was forgotten by the Hero.”

…okay, so I’m pretty sure a good half of the fanbase already has this monologue memorised, but I digress. Because the loaded meaning behind the words “Hero” and “Warrior” are never forgotten by the show. If we cut ahead to Embrace Your Destiny, the s3 special, we get a direct reference to these titles in a practical setting.

“I’m not a Hero, bud.”

“Then be a Warrior!”

This is the moment which really kickstarts Macaque’s turn to start working with the Monkie Kids. He doesn’t work against them again, after this point! (As of season 5) MK tells him that to do good things, and save the world, he doesn’t have to be the Hero in limelight – he can be the Warrior, doing good from the shadows. And for as much as Macaque does take quite a prominent role in the fight after this, literally taking on Wukong 1v1, it’s still MK who ends up with the glory, in the end.

Macaque needed to hear this because he does these antagonistic things out of self-preservation, yes, but also out of a spite which he knows isn’t especially heroic. And because he doesn’t want to be the guy who leaves stuff behind. But after this, he doesn’t act as an antagonist again, and he does stuff which he really doesn’t want to do, like confronting his past with Wukong in the scroll, in the season 4 special! What MK says sticks with him.

And to get it out of the way, not every time the word “Hero” is used in the show is necessarily a reference to the Hero and Warrior. For instance, when Mei yells at a possessed Wukong and LBD in the season 3 special, she says “Because that’s the hard part of being a hero!”, but I don’t think she’s talking about the implications of limelight, or Wukong and Macaque’s story. I mean, she never even saw the play in Shadow Play, so she likely doesn’t even know the deeper meaning behind that word...

A lot of these other moments can carry interesting implications when examined through that lens (E.G. how Mei fits into the Hero-Warrior dynamic, or the nature of LBD’s “Save your hero speech, child” from the end of season 3) but I think those would better be left for a different analysis.

These two lines from season 5, at the beginning of this post, have a direct connection to the Hero-Warrior stuff though, because they're from the character who invented that metaphor, to the only other character who understands it. It’s like a coded message, I suppose.

Throughout a lot of Macaque’s screen time, especially in the earlier seasons, he preaches about self-preservation, specifically under the advice of “look out for number one”. He believes that people like him, and later MK, need to be the ones to look out for themselves, because otherwise, no one will. This is expanded upon to seem a little more heroic and noble in later seasons, to be similar to a sentiment that Wukong expresses about choosing your own destiny, and forging your own path. The core of the advice is still centred on trusting yourself, and prioritising your own beliefs, but it’s no longer about something that could be perceived as selfish, and more a tool to use for good.

Macaque is shown to want MK to look out for himself less selflessly. His advice in season 4 is this choosing your own destiny stuff, but it also mirrors the end of season 5 really well. He tells MK that the two choices of fighting Azure, or not fighting Azure don’t have to be the only choices. If MK goes to fight Azure as is, he will lose, and there is a good chance that he will die. Like, obviously Macaque doesn’t want the whole universe that he lives in to be destroyed, but he’s also not yet fighting for it, at this point. He does want MK to do what is most likely to save everyone, but the reason he pulled MK aside was to appeal to him to take care of himself.

Season 5 already mirrors and is a true continuation of season 4 in a lot of ways, with the main threat once again being the sky cracks that symbolise the end of the world due to the death of the Jade Emperor, but it’s thematically that we can really see that. Macaque even literally brings up that MK is misconstruing his advice from the previous season in the line right before the ones I’m supposed (haha, we're getting there) to be analysing.

Once again, MK has two choices, functionally: save the world at the cost of himself, or do nothing. Once again, Macaque is advocating for MK to make a third choice, one where the world can be saved without MK likely dying in the process, but MK had taken the whole “choose your own destiny thing” to be choosing the choice that only he can. Macaque’s biggest argument to this are these two lines. That MK doesn’t need to be the Hero, this time, or any time.

The Hero exists a public figure that people can rely on. He represents absolute power, as well as recklessness. In Macaque’s story, the Hero gains power, and then leaves his friend behind, so he’s strong, but doesn’t stop to think about consequences. Now, obviously Macaque is very biased in his story, because we know Wukong very clearly does still care about Macaque, but to what the story represents between MK and Macaque, that’s not necessarily important.

Macaque is just telling MK that he doesn’t need to be someone who’s the public picture of heroism. He has all of this power, but it’s his choice how to use it. Sometimes, it’s okay to take a backseat and be a Warrior, someone who can look out for themself, and who doesn’t always have to do everything themself. Once, the Hero and the Warrior were ultimate power together. The fact that the Hero became that by himself suggests that he still does the job he once did – he just doesn’t need to have anyone help him with it.

The Hero is supposed to be presented as a selfish figure, but that can also flip around to be someone who’s selfless, so selfless that they try to carry the weight of a good mission on their shoulders alone. The Hero’s sin was abandoning the Warrior, not unspeakable evil or something. And… Isn’t that sort of what MK is doing here? He’s trying to an act so selfless that it really could only be called heroic, but to the friends he’s leaving behind to make a sacrifice that’s really a not-so-subtly-disguised suicide allegory, it’s selfish. He abandons them all to fulfil his supposed destiny, but they don’t need him to sacrifice himself – they want to find another way with him.

If you want to look at it that way, MK is playing out the story again. Seems fitting, when later in the same episode, Wukong, the original Hero, tries to take his place and make the same sacrifice.

Macaque’s statement to MK is so loaded because of his history as the original Warrior, and what being a hero really means to him, and across the show with MK’s actions as a whole. He doesn’t need to always be the Hero – sometimes it’s okay to just be a Warrior. And it doesn’t always need to be him – just like the original Hero, there are people who would want to help him, if he just doesn’t leave them behind.

[hugmekenobi]

Return to the Light

A Bad Batch Post S2 Oneshot

Gif by @spacemagicandlaserswords

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Summary: Being separated from one another had taken it's toll and the search had been hard but in all the darkness, a glimmer of hope remains

Warnings: Mentioned canon-typical violence, swearing, my made-up timeline, limited use of y/n, some choice interrogation techniques, sad flashbacks, mentions/descriptions of torture, mentions of death, mentions/descriptions of injury and sickness, reader is not in the greatest of headspaces and takes it out on Lyra, talks of self-sabotage/sacrifice and self-loathing, my interpretation of all things Force, dodgy Star Wars medical techniques, slight manipulation/miscommunication, kissing, overall a pretty angsty time but there's some fluff sprinkled in

Masterlist for S1 and S2

Word Count: 18.2K (don't look at me, idk what happened lol)

Rating: 18+

Author's note: Huge shoutout and thanks to my friend @burningfieldof-clover who supported and provided many helpful tips as I struggled though this!! And its finally here! I am so sorry it took so long but I hope you all enjoy it despite the wait! I have another one planned to follow that hopefully will not take as long haha so I'm excited to get to work on that too! Also praying that by posting this, I can manifest a S3 trailer haha

Nelvaan

Ever since the disaster of Ord Mantell and from the second they’d managed to flee; Hunter had been doing everything he could to find you and Omega again. He’d tormented himself with the various possibilities of what could be happening to the two of you. Every day he’d been apart from you both had seen him fighting with himself. Possible informants and Imperial soldiers he could cope with just fine, what had been proving to be a struggle was fighting the complete hopelessness that had overwhelmed him as the weeks dragged on with no sign or information on the whereabouts of either of you. Every failed lead had left the bitter taste of disappointment and there were times when he felt like he would be crushed by the weight each defeat brought.

Things had started to shift however when they came across the various wanted posters and holoimages of you that were strewn across the galaxy, particularly in the Outer Rim. So, when Echo had decided to do some work on his own and went back to working with his contacts within the Empire and reported back that you hadn’t actually been taken, he’d felt that flicker of hope he hadn’t been able to find for a long time and the plan changed. Echo would continue to utilise his allies in the search for Omega whilst he and Wrecker looked for you. Once Hunter had you back, the four of you would reconvene and find Omega.

To get to Omega, they needed your skills and… and Hunter just needed you but there were moments in the early stages of the search where it seemed impossible. Knowing you were out on your own helped with finding his way out of the darkness but knowing you were alive and finding you alive were very different things, the latter was proving to be incredibly challenging.

You may had stopped hiding what you were, but you were remarkably good at making an impression somewhere but still finding a way to go unseen. Every location they’d gone to, they’d been too late, and you appeared to have moved on. You never stuck around anywhere for too long and it was making things a lot harder.

The most recent trail of half-baked information he and Wrecker had followed had led them to this pawn shop- ‘Hidden Gems’. According to rumour, you’d been in asking about them, yet another piece of knowledge that only added to his frustration that they always seemed to miss you by a matter of weeks. Hunter opened the door, but the owner’s back was still turned to them as they pashed the threshold.

Kedrin heard the bell clang as the door opened and shut. “I’ll be with you in a flash.” He said as he finished writing up the recent sales. He closed the book and turned around with a salesman smile on his face, but that and his words of welcome instantly died on his lips as he saw who had walked in.

Immediately upon seeing these men, Kedrin was reminded of a description given to him a while ago by the Jedi everyone had been talking about and he did not want them here. He did not want to deal with this anymore. “Ah, well actually gentlemen, I was just closing up for the afternoon. You’ll have to come back.” He said, wringing his hands nervously as the bigger one split off and began wandering the shop whilst the one with the bandana stayed where he was.

Hunter leaned his back against the door and lazily played with his vibroblade. He knew by the beads of sweat on the owner’s brow and the anxious pounding of his heart that they were in the right place. “Where is she?” He asked, his voice low and hostile as he turned the sign from open to closed, his eyes never leaving the owner.

Kedrin retreated to behind the counter. “I um…” His throat was as dry as sand and he swallowed to get some moisture back so he could speak properly. “I don’t know who-” He cleared his throat again. “Who you are referring to. Perhaps-”

“There’s not point in lying to him. If I can tell you are, he definitely can.”

Kedrin’s eyes darted to the bigger one who had offered the advice, but he had to bring his attention back to the tattooed soldier who was staring at him with such cold and dark eyes that fear creeped up his spine, making his hair stand on end and goosebumps rise on his flesh.

“Where is she?” Hunter asked again as he pushed off the door and steadily walked towards the man.

“I’m- I’m afraid I don’t- don’t have the answer you seek.” Kedrin stuttered. As the soldier drew closer, Kedrin reached under the table and grabbed the blaster he kept concealed there. But, as he lifted it out, in the blink of an eye, the weapon was shot out of his hand and his head was smacked down and being pressed harshly into the countertop- a strong hand on the back of his neck reducing his struggles to break free to be no more than a pitiful effort. His resistance ceased altogether when he felt the sharp tip of a blade being pushed into the back of his hand and he cried out in discomfort as the metal broke the skin and blood began to spill from the cut but there would be no respite for him.

“Try again.” Hunter hissed as he brought his head down to the man’s level.

But all Kedrin could do was whimper in pain.

“She was here. We know she was here. Where did she go?” Hunter growled into his ear, applying more pressure to the point of the blade, ignoring the agonised yelp.

“I don’t know!” Kedrin protested in distress, his voice slightly muffled as his lips touched the cold material of the counter. He hated this part of the job, it wasn’t his fault he had access to other ports of information, it just worked out that way and for the most part he hadn’t gotten into too much bother. But ever since that Jedi woman had come to him with her threats, he’d vowed to himself that he would turn over a new leaf. He’d leave this element of his work behind, and he wouldn’t just be a pushover to whatever or whoever came in demanding his extra services. He felt the hand leave the back of his neck. He uneasily straightened up and tenderly analysed his injury on his hand but was grateful to see that it had felt and looked worse than it was. He took out a handkerchief from the lapel of his jacket and wrapped it up before he tidied his hair in an attempt to regain some calm and control over the situation. “Now, I ask that you leave this instance before I call the proper authorities.” He demanded, but he couldn’t shake the quiver in his speech which removed any forcefulness. He walked around the counter and gestured to the door.

Hunter ignored his requested. He simply took a step back and nodded sharply to Wrecker who cracked his knuckles and neck in intimidation.

Well, he could always start next week. “Wait wait wait! I actually might have something!” Kedrin back peddled fearfully as the larger one stalked towards him and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, raising him to his tiptoes. “My brother runs our partner pawn shop on Christophsis and he’s said there’s been Jedi activity there. Apparently, it’s been going on for a while now. Could be who you’re looking for?”

Wrecker glanced back at Hunter who signalled to him to drop the man.

Hunter silently turned on his heels and led the way out of the shop and back to the Marauder. He’d been powerless for far too long and had failed one too many times but that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

This time they weren’t going to miss you.

--

Christophsis

When the hour had finally got late enough, you grabbed your blaster and sheathed your vibroblade and made the final adjustments to your armour before you sneakily opened your door to dark and empty main room of the run-down apartment. You pulled your hood and mask up as you stepped out and headed for the exit.

You got as far as activating the panel for the door to open before the lights turned on.

“You’re going out again.”

You closed the door and huffed out an irritated breath. You swivelled on your heels to see Lyra standing in the doorway of her room. You tugged down your mask. “Yeah… and?”

“And I thought after the last time, you were going to take some time and-”

“You know I can’t do that.” You interrupted icily.

“You’ve barely recovered. I just think-”

“I’ve recovered enough.”

“It’s just one more night. If not for your sake, then do it for mine… please.”

“We’ve already settled here for you, didn’t we?” You retorted.

“After I begged you too! If it were up to you, we’d still be living on that hellhole of a ship and never staying anywhere for more than two weeks! And I don’t know if what we have right now is all that better!”

“I gave you an out months ago! Back on Ord Mantell and again on Corellia! You didn’t have to follow me!” You snapped angrily.

Lyra scoffed. “Corellia was when you finally deemed it fit to fill me in on the whole story after I saw you choke the life out of a man without laying a hand on him. I had known something was off in the weeks since Ord Mantell and then Corellia told me you needed someone. Forgive me if I wanted to stick around to try to help you!”

“I don’t need saving.” You said tightly. “And anyway, he got what was coming to him.” You said utterly uncaring with a simple shrug of your shoulders. “Now, can I go now? Are you done scolding me?”

Lyra looked at you imploringly. “Don’t you see what this is doing to you? You’re losing who you are and it’s-”

You couldn’t listen to the speech again. “I’m not doing this with you again, Lyra. Just go back to bed and I’ll be back later.”

Lyra looked at you in disbelief. “Later? Last time you said that I didn’t see you for three weeks and you came back tortured and half-dead! You’re no good to them if you die in the process of finding them!”

You just shook your head and lifted your mask and turned to open the door again.

“I can’t watch you kill yourself for this anymore.” Lyra said quietly to your back, her words laced with pity and sadness.

“Then don’t look.” With that, you stepped outside into the night.

--

Kirion stepped into the small kitchen in the back of his shop and sifted through the second cupboard. Instinct meant he didn’t need the light and he found what he was looking for.

“Trouble sleeping?”

Kirion yelped and dropped his mug. It smashed to the ground but that was not his concern anymore. The dark outline by the window was. “I don’t want any trouble.” His voice trembling.

“Do you know what they say about people who can’t sleep at night, Kirion?” You asked as you hopped off the counter, the yellow hue of the streetlights coming through the window illuminating your figure.

“N- no.”

“Plagued by a guilty conscience. The crushing weight of knowing you’re not doing enough, or you’ve gone too far can get to you. Or say, being a pawn shop owner intent on ripping everyone off for that extra bit of profit.”

Kirion cleared his throat nervously. He didn’t know how you knew that, but you’d gathered quite the reputation in the time you’d lived here, and he didn’t want you around. “Why are you here then?” He asked shakily. “Guilty conscience too?”

You laughed humourlessly. “You get the pleasure of my company because you have something for me.” Somewhere deep down, you had a different answer, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to bring that to the surface. It would get you nowhere.

“I don’t. I swear I-”

“Oh, this’ll go a lot better if you don’t lie to me.” You said, your voice hardening. You patted him roughly on the shoulder as you stepped past him.

“I don’t know if I have the information you’re looking for.”

“You know who I am?” You flicked the light on and waltzed into the storefront filled with clear glass cases with various pawned off items. Heirlooms, artifacts, jewellery, random items- all seemed to have a place here, whether they were genuine or not. You beckoned him to come in.

“It’s um kind of hard not to.” He wringed his hands anxiously as he followed you in and signalled to the front of the store. He took that opportunity to press the button under the table by the credit register.

You followed his stare and chuckled as you saw the backs of the posters in the front window. “I can sign one for you later.” You started scanning variety of items he possessed. “Quite the business you’ve got here.”

“Keeps-” He swallowed nervously. “Keeps the credits coming in.”

“Shame a lot of it is all garbage.” You smashed your elbow against one of the glass panels. “Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber?” You snickered as you picked up the item and sure enough, you got nothing from it. “Please. Nothing here but a bunch of dressed up metal material and a design anyone with access to an old holonet could copy. Then again, you probably knew that, but it doesn’t stop you underpaying for it and then charging a steep fee for the poor sucker that falls for it.”

Kirion gulped as he watched you continue your assault on his store.

You shattered a few more glass panes with claims of ‘Jedi artifacts’ in them. “Some of this is just embarrassing. You actual convince people that this stuff is worth the price?”

“What do you want?” Kirion interjected swiftly as he saw you getting ready to break another one.

You paused your movement and angled yourself to face him. You mimed applause. “That’s the right question. See, you gave yourself away earlier, Kirion. I’d expect you to know who I am, but to know that I’m after information? You had no way of knowing that, not officially and it’s the fact that you do know, that makes you of use to me.”

“Of use?” Kirion repeated fretfully.

You stalked closer to the desk register, the broken glass crunching beneath your feet. “You run this place in a back alley and get everyone from all walks of life coming in here pawning off their shit that you then rip off, but I really don’t give a fuck about that. What I do give a fuck about is that you hear things. People will tell you their stories, the things they’ve seen and overheard in the streets or on their travels. You are a fountain of knowledge of the underground happenings in this galaxy. Or, at the very least, you know people that run in the circles that have what I’m searching for.

“I-”

You placed a finger on his lips to shush him. “Here’s how this will work: So long as you don’t lie to me, and you don’t call the Empire, I won’t hurt you and you get to keep your life. Are we clear?” You removed your finger.

“C-crystal.” Kirion stuttered, very much regretting what he’d done in the beginning of this meeting.

“Good.” You released a short breath. “Now, I’m looking for a group of clones. They don’t look like the ones you may come across these days, rare as that seems to be now. One wears a red bandana and has a tattoo on the left-side of his face. Looks like this.” You pointed to the white insignia on your top. “But it’s black. The other is tall and bald with a scar on his left temple and he’s blind in his left eye. Heard of anyone like that?”

“I don’t know. No one like that’s come here.” Kirion shifted his feet awkwardly.

You tossed your head back in aggravation. “I really don’t have time for this.” You summoned the Force and lifted him against the wall and started to compress his airway. “I told you; I don’t like liars.” You gave him a pitying stare as he couldn’t help but clutch desperately at his throat. “Wanna try again?” You relaxed your hold slightly to give him the chance to speak.

“Okay- they- they- could be- be- coming here.” He gasped.

“They’re coming here?” You double checked as you eased your grip and let him get his feet back on the ground.

Kirion panted as he felt the invisible hold around his neck loosen. “Yes, my other store got a visit from some men that match what you’re saying. The manager there told them there was a Jedi here and called me earlier to let me know they might pass this way. That’s all I know, please, get out!”

You narrowed your eyes at him because despite his now honest words, you could tell he was getting anxious, and it wasn’t all because of you now. It was then that you heard the familiar pounding footsteps grow closer and halt outside the front door. You released an exasperated sigh and tutted. “Kirion… I thought we had an understanding.”

“No- wait! I-”

You called on the Force and snapped his neck before he had a chance to finish his plea and a second later, you heard the door crash open.

“You’re-”

“Under arrest?” You finished as you watched Kirion’s limp body slide to the floor. You heaved a sigh and turned to face the squad of ten stormtroopers that were lining the rows and blocking the path between you and the door.

“Get-”

“On my knees? Place my hands behind my head?” You interrupted, boredom evident in your tone as you crossed your arms and leaned against the till counter.

The troopers faltered slightly at your blatant dismissiveness of them.

You pretended to look confused for a moment. “Now, I can never keep track of where the Empire is in that whole phasing out thing so I always gotta ask this- any of you got a CT number?” You straightened up and hovered your hand over your blaster. “It’s always much simpler when none of you do.”

“Last chance, Jedi!” One of them called out as they readjusted their stances.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Yeah… you all say the same thing.”

--

You quietly walked into your place and pulled your hood and mask down, ignoring the sting of pain as the material caught on the cuts on the bridge of your nose and your lip. You ran your tongue along your mouth and could still taste the harsh metallic taste of blood as it continued to ooze from the wound. Your nose was also still bleeding so you turned on the dim kitchen light to find something to stop it.

“Thought you’d be outta here by now.” You commented cooly without looking up as you heard her door open, and the soft padding of footsteps walk towards you. You fished out a cloth and ran it under some cold water and wiped away the congealed blood on your face before you held it to your nose.

“We don’t have a ship anymore, remember?” Lyra reminded you as she sat by the small kitchen table.

You’d forgotten about that. After the two of you had found this place, you’d sold it to someone who claimed to have word from Hunter. Unfortunately, that had turned out to be a rather bad deal and it was your first experience of dealing with the Imperials stationed here. “There are transports.”

Lyra just shook her head at you. “You still don’t get it.”

“Don’t really see what there is to get. Just hop on the next ship outta here, I won’t stop you.”

“I care about you, dumbass. Whatever is happening to you, I can’t just leave you alone in it.” Lyra replied wearily. Part of her wanted to, she’d even started packing a bag this time, but after these months spent with you and especially after what you went through recently told her you were one step away from a full-on breakdown and whether you would admit it or not, you still needed someone.

You ground out a sigh and stared down at the floor. She kept doing this. She kept having that faith in you that you couldn’t see but you didn’t deserve it. She should leave, she’d be better off without you but you didn’t have it in you to give her that final push. So, you worked on freezing her out, pushing her away until she realised you weren’t good for her or anyone else. But she refused, she was still here with you, and you couldn’t fathom why.

“Did you get what you were looking for?” Lyra asked, deliberately avoiding asking the state of the people that had clearly got in your way tonight. She’d seen what you were capable of but found that living in as much ignorance as she could saved her a lot of trouble. That and reminding herself you were not yourself right now.

“Yup.” You rinsed out the cloth and got ready to move into your room.

“I need to check your stitches. You weren’t ready for a fight yet.”

You knew what she would find if she looked. “No, you don’t.”

“(Y/N), let me see.” Lyra caught your arm as you went to move past her.

You huffed out another irritated breath but took your armour off before you lifted your first layer over your head. “Knock yourself out.”

She pushed up your vest top. “Yeah, you ripped a few open.” Lyra winced as she saw the lines of blood secreting from the sore and irritated looking now open wounds on your back.

“It’s fine.” You said dismissively. The pain wasn’t bothering you. You needed to come up with a plan of how to know when they got here.

“It’s not. Sit down.” She insisted as she went for the medkit. She had gotten well-acquainted with the item over the months, the most recent incident in particular had really tested her skills.

You released a resigned sigh and sat across from her and let her start cleaning them and closing them up again.

“They’re coming here, Lyra.” You found yourself whispering into the silence.

Lyra paused her process. “You’ve been told that before. The same thing happened on Cermau a couple months ago and it didn’t pan out. You-”

“I know what happened on Cermau. This isn’t like that.” You said defensively. It had to be different. You thought to yourself. You weren’t sure how many more dead ends you could take.

Lyra finished up the last few stitches. “You can’t know that.”

As soon as you felt her complete that last stitch, you stood. “Yes, I can.” You grabbed your armour and strode had over to your room without another word and shut the door.

You braced your hands against it and took a few deep breaths. You did have a way you could do but it had been so long since you’d gone near it, and you didn’t know if you could cope with the failure it might bring.

--

You settled in the middle of your crappy bed, the mattress sinking to the bedframe beneath as you shifted around to attempt to find some level of comfort. When you had found what you figured would be the ‘best’ spot, you crossed your legs and placed your hands on your knees.

You inhaled slowly, deeply, blocking out all the distractions of your mind and the sounds of the late-night life outside, and closed your eyes. You reached into the Force but what met you wasn’t any familiar signature. It was scenes and voices that you had tried so hard to forget.

Flashes of the people you’d hurt… you’d killed.

All that happened to you a week ago.

Tech hanging below the rail car.

Plan 99.

Omega, unconscious and injured on the ground.

Such an exquisite creature.

The torture he made you go through... and enjoyed.

His words to Hunter- To lose one of your own, it must weigh heavily on you as their leader.

Omega being carried off.

Hemlock letting you and Hunter have one last goodbye before you were taken away.

I love you.

No, it was too much. You couldn’t do it. Your breathing was shaky as you tore yourself out. You wiped the cold sweat from your palms. “Come on, get it together.” You told yourself as you took a long calming breath. You needed to do this right.

You centred yourself and went again. Except this time, all you could see was a vast space of darkness. No light, no hope, only darkness. Was this to be your fate? To be tormented by the fact you had let yourself fall and there was nothing left for you. How could you find them in this? You had no light left in you to give.

Spark.

You felt yourself twitch in discomfort. You knew that voice. That name. Only one person ever called you that.

Spark, you’re still not focused.

Let go of your anger. You’re not as lost as you view yourself to be.

No, no it couldn’t be. How could it be? No, this wasn’t right. You pulled yourself out and you looked around your room in a blind panic as you fought to get your distressed breathing back under control.

But it was only you in there. How could you hear him? It had to be some trick your mind was playing on you. Payback for all you’d done.

You exhaled heavily and braced your hands behind your neck as you looked to the ceiling. You stood and paced the confined space, shaking your hands as if you could shake away the bad feeling sitting on your chest.

You sat back on the bed and rolled your shoulders as you found your focus again. Faint rays of sun now came through the cracks in your window along with the sound of rain pattering against the fractured glass, but the new time meant nothing to you.

You didn’t care how long it would take; you were going to find them.

--

Hunter and Wrecker walked out of the ship and departed the bay to enter the streets of Christophsis- the rain sliding down their armour as they moved between the crowds.

“Well, we’re in the right place.” Wrecker commented as he nudged Hunter in the direction of the first holoscreen that had your image appear and a quick look at the immediate buildings followed that theme since they all had multiple paper posters in their windows and on their doors.

Hunter swallowed tightly as he saw holographic picture of you. There’d been one too many ‘right places’ in his search for you. He wasn’t going to accept that philosophy until he had something more than a wanted sign for you. “Come on. We’ll start with Kendrin’s brother.”

--

“So, you’re saying you saw a figure head in that direction after the disturbance last night?” A trooper pointed in said direction as she questioned the current resident on her list whilst the rest of her squad proceeded to clear the pawnshop.

“This looks like her handiwork, Sarge.” Wrecker uttered from the corner of the street they were observing from as he studied the scene ahead. Squads of troopers had cornered off the street and where questioning the civilians that appeared to live in the neighbourhood. And being carried out on stretchers were the dead bodies of troopers, but not all had blaster burns on their armour.

Hunter nodded his agreement and felt his heart beat that little bit faster with the flutter of hope. “Come on, we can’t stay here too long.” He directed as he and Wrecker turned away from the pawnshop.

As Hunter began to track your movements based on what he’d heard the trooper say, this finally being the right location was starting to feel a lot more plausible now.

--

There it was! You saw that faint glimmer of light in all the dark. It had to be them! You could feel it!

You jumped from your bed and grabbed your top and armour, hastily putting them on as you opened your door and bolted for the exit.

--

The weather had taken a turn for the worst, but you barely registered the pouring rain as you left the building. Your clothes were already soaked but it didn’t matter, you were too focused on holding onto that feeling of them.

“You’re the Jedi everyone is searching for.”

You whipped out your blaster and turned in the direction of the voice.

“No, wait! I don’t mean you any harm!” She came out from behind the skip with her hands in the air. “My name is-”

“Don’t tell me.” You interrupted sharply as you studied the Twilek before you. “How’d you find me?” You asked coldly. You didn’t lower your blaster either.

“It wasn’t easy. I’ve been following you since I knew of your arrival here. I thought I’d lost you when you disappeared for those three weeks.”

The fact you hadn’t sensed her presence at all told you that you were not what you used to be. You never used to be so sloppy. “I can’t have you knowing where I am.” You rested your hand over the trigger.

“Wait!” She reached a hand out to you. “I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t. I just need your help!”

“My help?” You repeated. “I can’t help you and I’ve got somewhere to be so-”

“Please.” She begged. “My sister, she’s sick and we barely have enough credits to feed ourselves, let alone get medicine.”

“Not my problem, I’m sorry.” Satisfied though that she wasn’t a true threat, you put your blaster away and got ready to leave.

“It wasn’t my sister’s problem that she got caught in a blaster fight and her wound got infected! No one asks for that!”

That made you pause. You’d had your fair share of shootouts in this place but you’d also you’re your best to minimise the damage to outsiders. “Where was the fight?” You found yourself asking quietly.

“About a month ago by the old shipyard on the outskirts of the city. We’d been told we could find some cheap transport off world, but something went down with the Imperials stationed there and my sister… I didn’t tug her down fast enough. I didn’t know what to do and then I heard of the Jedi that had landed in Christophsis and I knew I had to find you.”

A month ago… but that was where and when you’d gone to sell the ship… where’d you’d first been ambushed by the Imperials… no, there wasn’t meant to be anyone else there. Maybe you could… no, you didn’t have the time. Your aim was always good, it wouldn’t have been your shot that hit her. “I can’t.” You said dismissively, but there was a fading sense of conviction in your voice. Some part of you wanted to do the right thing by her. But it wasn’t enough to stop you pushing past her.

“I thought Jedi helped people!”

You stopped in your tracks and made a noise of resigned frustration as you turned around to face the young Twilek. “Wait here.”

You hastily ran back into your building, silently entered, and grabbed a few spare medical supplies from your kit before you ran back out to meet her again. “Alright, show me.”

--

Your place looked like a luxurious penthouse compared to where this young twilek and her sister were staying. It was virtually a single room with cracks in the walls and ceiling and there was a distinct damp aroma in the air. It was no wonder that they wanted to leave this place.

You then saw the smaller and younger twilek lying on a small mattress in the middle of the floor. There were drops of sweat dotted across her brow and she was shivering uncontrollably.

You’d never wanted anyone innocent to be affected by what you were doing yet it had happened with Lyra and now this child. “I’m sorry.” You whispered to her as you kneeled down beside her. You saw the bloodstain on her clothing and delicately lifted the end of her shirt to see the wound on her hip being covered by nothing more than a ripped piece of a shirt.  

“Can you help her?”

You half- turned to face the sister who was looking on fretfully. “I can clean the wound and reclose it. After that, it’ll be down to her. But the fact that she’d held on for so long is a good sign. She’s strong, she should be okay.”

The sister sighed in relief.

You brought out the supplies and recleaned and applied to bacta before you re-dressed the wound. “Do you have water?” You asked.

The sister nodded and dashed over to grab a cannister. She passed it to you.

“Lift her head.” You instructed gently.

She murmured words of comfort to her sister as she propped up her head.

As tenderly but as effectively as you could, you pushed the pill past her lips and got her to swallow it down with some water.

When her breathing had grown more controlled and her shivering had subsided, you go to your feet. “I’m leaving you some bacta and wound dressings along with some pills that’ll help with the fever. That’s all I can do now.”

“Thank you.” She clasped your hand tightly. “I won’t forget this.”

“It’s better that you do.” You said grimly. “And once she’s better, if you still need a way out of here, use the actual transports off this planet.” You chucked a bag of credits on the ground before you walked out of the room.

You rounded the corner but swiftly pressed your back against the wall since there was a group of stormtroopers directly in your path. You would have no chance of finding them with those soldiers in your way. You needed to find a way around them and what better way to do that than going from roof to roof. You summoned the Force and jumped to the top of the building and got moving.

You would get a better view from above anyway.

--

When another small squad of troopers made their presence known ahead, Hunter signalled him and Wrecker to an alleyway out of the line of their sight. He knew they were close to you, but the Imperial presence was making it hard to track you effectively.

“We can’t keep hiding like this, Hunter.” Wrecker grunted in frustration.

“I know, Wrecker.” Hunter agreed, equally as irritated. “If I could just-” He stopped suddenly.

“Hunter?”

“Someone’s here.” Hunter muttered quietly as his hand fell over his blaster.

“You’re getting sloppy, Sergeant. I’ve been following you the past 3 blocks.”

The voice that he’d been longing to hear and that was so familiar, he’d recognise it anywhere. His breath hitched with the realisation at what this finally meant. Hunter took off his helmet and turned around to the distant sound of feet hitting a puddle in the ground. And it was you. Standing there before him. It was finally you.

“Hello, Hunter.” You said softly, so softly you could barely hear the words themselves due to the sound of your own heart thundering in your ears. If it wasn’t for the flash of recognition in his eyes or the way Wrecker’s jaw dropped as he propped his helmet atop his head, you wouldn’t have been certain that you’d said anything at all. You tugged down your coverings and let yourself be unprotected to the rain.

He felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs. Hunter dropped his helmet and something akin to a choked gasp fell from his mouth as he could at long last lay his eyes on you. He started to slowly walk towards you but that soon became a run, water kicking up against him, but he didn’t care.

Your feet slapped against the wet ground as you met him halfway and crashed into his arms with a thankful sigh and buried your face in his neck. Even as you held him tightly to you, part of you still couldn’t believe that it was him. You felt something swell in your heart, a feeling you couldn’t place but knew you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Did you deserve this? Did you deserve to have him back after all you’d done? Pushing the thought away, you readjusted your embrace as if you could somehow hold him even closer.

He twisted his hands in your clothing and breathed you in. He’d imagined this moment for so long. When things seemed too dark and hopeless, he’d clung on to this. To think about how it would feel to finally see you again. To hold you again. And imagination couldn’t compare to the utter joy in his heart that reality brought him. He almost didn’t want to let you go for fear that you could be taken away again but practicality took precedence, the two of you couldn’t stay this way forever, as much as he might want to.

Tears mixed with rain streamed down both your cheeks as you parted from one another.

You cupped his face in your hands. “You’re here? You’re actually here?” You murmured, your voice cracking with emotion. You’d driven yourself crazy with picturing this moment, you needed to make sure this wasn’t your brain’s idea of a cruel joke.

Hunter removed your hands from his face and kissed your gloved knuckles. “I’m here.” He whispered back, his breathing still shaky as he pressed pressing his forehead into yours.

“You’re here.” You repeated as you looked into his soft brown eyes.

Hunter’s thumb gently caressed the cut on your lip, and he noticed the other wound on your nose. “Did they-”

You pulled his hand away. “Doesn’t matter. This is all I care about right now.”

Before Hunter could push the matter, he felt his brother approach.

“And what about me?”

You glanced past Hunter to the indignant but affectionate voice. “Hi, Wrecker.” You met his open armed invitation and let him swing your around as he hugged you.

“Good to see you, (Y/N)!”

“How’d you find me?” You asked as he placed you back down.

“You didn’t make it easy.” Wrecker griped. “We always seemed to be two steps behind you.”

“I haven’t exactly been hiding though.” You disputed as you pointed to a discarded wanted poster on the ground beside you.

“Between the Imperials and dead end leads and your rather annoying ability to hide in plain sight, it was tough. We got a lucky break with a guy whose brother owned another pawn shop here. Saw the results of a fight and figured we’d finally caught up with you.” Hunter explained as he came to stand in front of you and took his helmet from his brother.

You gulped. You’d be careful to make sure the people you’d gone after had no one they’d be leaving behind. You didn’t realise you’d messed up with that this time. “He- he had a brother?”

Hunter tilted his head at the unusually emotive response. “Apparently but I’m assuming you had a good reason for ending it the way you did.”

You coughed. “Yeah, totally.” You straightened your back and changed the subject. “Where’s Echo?”

“Using his contact to try to get more intel on Hemlock. We still don’t know where he’s holding Omega.” Hunter kicked the ground. “Don’t suppose you have anything?”

“I wish I did but everything I gathered was either old or what we knew already. He’s good at laying low.” You seethed.

“We’ll get him, though. We have too.” Wrecker stated firmly.

“How soon can you leave?” Hunter asked.

“Um, well-” You cut yourself off as your sight drifted past Hunter’s shoulder to the end of the alley at the lone trooper that had a blaster pointed at Hunter’s back.

“Watch out!” You yelled as you pushed Hunter out the way of the incoming blaster bolt. You drew your blaster and fired a shot that landed in the centre of the trooper’s chest, and he dropped to the ground. But you knew, where there was one stormtrooper, there would be at least five more behind them.

“We need to move out.” Hunter urged as he got back to his feet and put his helmet on. “A firefight will draw too much attention.”

“No time.” You stated simply as you pulled your hood and mask back up.

“We���ve got more incoming!” Wrecker confirmed as he lowered his helmet and opened fire on the small squad of troopers that had arrived.

The three of you took cover behind a skip, only firing defensive shots back. You needed to draw the soldiers closer before going on the offensive.

When they had gotten close enough, Hunter threw a smoke bomb, the action allowing the three of you to advance and take out the troopers one shot at a time.

As the firefight continued, however, you began to feel unsteady on your feet and your movements felt unbalanced. Your tingling limbs ensured that your aim was skewed too. All that, combined with the wetness you felt pooling from your stomach meant the trooper had better aim than you credited them for- you’d been hit. You couldn’t afford to think about what this meant, right now, you needed to get outta here.

But you’d been distracted long enough for one downed soldier you’d dismissed as being a threat to come around and jab their blaster against your knee. You grunted with the impact but turned your blaster on him and he lay limp on the ground.

Hunter and Wrecker tidied off the few retreating stragglers. They could deal with this small group but anything more would prove difficult.

With the last trooper taken care of, you braced yourself against the wet wall. The fading adrenaline in your system now being replaced by agony and you ripped your mask down and took deep but laboured breaths.

“Their reinforcements won’t be long. We made a bit of noise.” Wrecker said as he holstered his blaster.

But Hunter wasn’t paying attention to what Wrecker was saying. His gaze was fixed on you and the way you were struggling to hold yourself up against the wall. “(Y/N), what-” He stopped as he saw the crimson drops that mixed with the rainwater drip from the hand pressed to your stomach onto the ground. No, no, no. He thought to himself. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t lose you when he’d only just found you again.

Your knees buckled and you fell to the ground, Hunter catching your shoulder was the only reason you were able to stay sitting up but without the distraction of the fight, the pain was overwhelming. Black spots danced in the corners of your vision, but you couldn’t succumb to them, not now. Not after all this. You tried to lift your head to speak but all that left your mouth was a tortured groan.

As collected as he wanted to be to deal with this, he couldn’t totally keep his panic at bay. His hands trembled as he attempted to get you to look at him. He delicately brushed some loose strands of hair from your face. “Sshh, I’ve got you.” He whispered tenderly, fighting to keep the worry out of his voice. What made it all the worse was that he knew this wound didn’t occur through the fight they’d just seen out, you’d been hurt shoving him out the way of that first shot that drew the rest of the stormtroopers in.

How could he have allowed this to happen? What good were his enhanced senses if he couldn’t protect the people he loved. You shouldn’t have needed to push him out the way of that blaster bolt, he should’ve known the trooper was there and now you were paying the price for his mistake.

“What can we do?” Wrecker asked quickly.

You winced and tried for words again. “Medical centres are a no. Where’s- where’s the ship?”

“Landing bay 6.” Wrecker replied.

You inhaled sharply. Your current state made things all too easy for the Imperials to catch you making your way there. “Too far. We- we gotta get to my place. She- she might kill me but- argh!” You broke off with a cry of pain as you reached a hand up to Hunter. “But it’s safe there and- and she’ll know what to do.”

“Hold on.” Hunter rasped as he took a grip of your forearm and signalled to Wrecker to keep an eye out as he pulled you to your feet.

You pressed your hand into your side with a pained gasp as Hunter put his arm around you and supported most of your weight and the three of you got on the move.

--

“This is it?” Wrecker asked- his scepticism evident despite the pressing matter at hand- as he stared at the condemned building.

“All the regular penthouses were taken.” You kidded before you swayed on your feet as a wave of dizziness struck.

“Woah, easy.” Hunter cautioned as he strengthened his grip.

“Second floor.” You hissed. “And mind the fourth step on the second staircase. Half of it is missing.”

“It can never just be simple.” Hunter grumbled anxiously as Wrecker opened the decrepit door to the building.

“Would it really be a reunion if everything went well?” You joked deliriously.

“Right now, yes I would definitely prefer it.” Hunter fretted as he saw your head dip. You were losing the battle of staying conscious with each passing second. The next time it happened, he wasn’t sure you would be able to lift your head again.

--

Lyra had barely any time to process the familiar people standing in her doorway as she answered the pounding knock. All she could do was stare at you, half collapsed against Hunter’s side, your hand cradling your stomach, and then her eyes caught sight of the trail of blood that had followed your path up. “What-”

“Hey, girl. Remember- remember how I promised I wouldn’t put you through something like this again? Turns out, I shouldn’t- shouldn’t have done that.” You said through gritted teeth before you stumbled as you tried to take a step forward, prompting Hunter to lift you up.

“Please.” The hoarse plea was all Hunter managed to say.

“Lay her here.” Lyra quickly stepped aside to let the three of you in and pointed to the couch.

Hunter hustled inside and delicately placed you on the worn soft. He took off his helmet and kneeled by your head and stroked your hair back from your forehead. “You’re going to be alright. You need to hold on for me, okay? I’m not losing you again.” He whispered against your temple before he left a light kiss on your brow.

“Good news, it’s not as bad as last time.” Lyra said as she examined the wound before getting up to go gather the medical supplies.

“The bar is rather low on that front, Lyra.” You moaned.

“Last time?” Hunter found himself asking as he tore his stare from your bloody injury to Lyra.

Lyra didn’t respond, she was too busy staring at the depleted supply of medical care. She took a deep breath and braced her hands against the countertop. “(Y/N)… what happened to the bacta?”

Seemingly forgetting that you were currently in severe pain and bleeding out, you went to prop yourself up but Hunter’s hand gently pushing against your shoulder stopped you. “Hey.” You protested wearily.

“You can answer the question like that.” Hunter chastised.

“The bacta?” Lyra pressed as she rifled through the other cupboards in case it had somehow been misplaced.

No, not yet. You told yourself as the black dots returned. You blinked them away and took a strained breath before you answered. “I- I may have given it away…”

“You-” Lyra had to take a deep, calming breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You gave it away? What in all the galaxy would possess you to do that?”

“Well, I saw someone in need and decided-” You broke off with another pained wince. “Decided to finally be a good citizen.”

Lyra released an exasperated sigh. “Do I need to remind you of your track record? You need bacta like the rest of us need water.”

“In my defence, I wasn’t planning on needing it anymore. This- this time really wasn’t my fault.”

“I quite frankly don’t give a fuck! You can’t just-”

“Can we do this later?” Hunter interrupted as he saw your face contort in discomfort. “Preferably when she’s able to hold a conversation without convulsing in pain?”

“I can run back to our ship and get some.” Wrecker offered as he lifted his helmet.

“Go.” Hunter said with a nod, but Lyra held out a hand to stop the bigger clone from going.

“She doesn’t have that kinda time. I can cauterise it the old-fashioned way, but it’ll just hurt like hell.” Lyra said with a grimace.

“That’s fine because I don’t think I’m going to be conscious for much longer.” The darkness encroaching on your vision was all too tempting and you were completely exhausted.

“No, you stay awake.” Lyra ordered sternly.

Hunter and Wrecker turned their attention sharply to you.

“Come on, (Y/N). You gotta hang in there.” Wrecker urged as he reached over the back of the couch and placed a large hand on your shoulder.

“Sweetheart, keep your eyes on me.” Hunter begged as he saw them flicker open and shut but it was a battle that he knew you were going to lose.

You wanted to; you really did but you just couldn’t. You shut your eyes and embraced the peace of the darkness.

 “Hunter, she’s still breathing right?” Lyra asked as she picked up the last few things she needed.

“Shallowly but yes.” Hunter said with a thankful sigh.

“That’s good enough.” Lyra ran back to the couch and began to start to process of stabilising you.

--

You were in a dim corridor. The only light seemed to at the end of the long passageway. You made to walk towards it, hoping it would show you a way out but as you walked, it seemed to move away from you. You broke into a run but the distance between you and the light only grew. You paused your run as you thought about what this could mean. It was then though that a voice spoke up and a figure appeared next to you.

You won’t get to it.

You faced the figure. It almost sounded and looked like you but there was something off about it. There was a yellow shimmer in the eyes and the face was gaunt and mean-looking, with lips that seemed to be in a permanent sneer. The voice carried a cruel, sinister overtone that made your blood run cold and the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

It’ll keep staying away from you.

But why? You studied whatever it was before you as they circled you. When it walked, it was cast in constant shadow.

You think after all you’ve done; you can have that light back? You think you deserve it?

Before you could form a reply, your attention was drawn to a scene unfolding to your right.

Aww this was your first failure. But it brought me to the surface, so I remain pretty grateful.

Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the moment. You saw your master completely surrounded by battle droids, taking hit after hit. And you saw yourself as a Jedi Knight sprinting to reach him. You went to turn away, but a strong hand grabbed the back of your neck, forcing you to keep looking.

There’s you. Being too late to save him. Do you remember the last words you said to him?

You did and they were words you had regretted ever since.

‘Stubborn, foolish, out of touch, old timer whose only purpose was to be a pawn for the orders of the Jedi Council’ I believe they were.

Stop it.

He died knowing you failed him.

You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard the final shot that sent your master crumbling to the ground.

You got a taste for it then.

Despite the fact you wanted to refuse, you found yourself opening your eyes to seeing yourself utterly decimate the remaining droids by your master’s dead body. You saw the merciless gleam in your eyes and the callous smile that graced your face as you destroyed them. You had enjoyed that. The scene finished with you repeatedly bringing your lightsaber down on the final droid, the blue blade moving in unrestrained fury. Why did you show me that? You asked bleakly.

But the darkness didn’t give you a proper answer. It only pushed an icy finger on your lips. Pay attention, we’re not done yet. It took you a while to accept that this was always in you. You worked on shutting me out. You managed for a while… but then she left.

You wanted nothing more than to leave this place and this darkness before you, but all control had been taken from your body. Your feet began moving of their own accord and you were directed to another moment on your left this time. You were stopped and the hand took a harsh grip of your neck again. You were forced to watch Ahsoka walk out the Council Chamber doors, with Anakin following her and then you viewed yourself in horror as you saw the rage written across your face and heard the venom in your words as you yelled at the Council. Had you really been that uncontrolled? That angry?

Even though you finally left those uptight pricks, you still insisted on keeping me hidden though. Rather irritating I must say. I wondered what it would take for you to accept me. And then he came into your life.

You were pushed along the hall again to the next part which was replaying your first interaction with Hunter and your chest felt tight. Leave him out of this.

Oh, but he’s the best part. Your figure taunted nastily.

The scene switched and were now being greeted with flashes of your intimate moments with Hunter. Enough.

The only reply came in the form was an unkind laugh.

Giving into that lust felt good, didn’t it? The possessiveness, the selfishness that came with having someone just for you was too enticing to pass up.

No, that wasn’t what it was at all. Stop.

You liked the feeling of knowing you could use that attachment to excuse any darker actions. You would be doing it for him, so it made it okay. It wasn’t love for him you were feeling, it was a love for the freedom to channel me that you craved. He was merely a convenient vessel.

No, you’re wrong! You insisted but your voice lacked conviction, everything was getting so twisted that you were now doubting the feelings you thought you never would.

The darkness just gave you a pitying look. Just keep watching and you’ll see I’m right.

So, you did. You were shoved further up the corridor to see you and the Batch together. Memories that you once would’ve looked back on in fondness were now tainted by pain and disappointment that you’d dragged them into your mess. The darkness took no notice of your distress, it just continued talking.  

Much to my delight, you grew to care for all of that group. I knew that attachment would lead to something marvellous for us and then it finally happened.

You moved along to the next scene and your breathing grew uneven as the image of Eriadu appeared. You couldn’t bear seeing this again but once more, you were left with no choice but to hear Tech say that dreaded plan and watch him fall to his death.

Of course, he was another one you were too slow to save but-

You wouldn’t hear this. No, we didn’t have the time. There was nothing I could’ve done. What happened was-

Oh, I know you tried telling yourself that, but my very existence tells me that you know if you’d allowed me in earlier, the situation itself wouldn’t have happened. You’d have killed Gerrera before he even had a chance to set those explosives off.

No, you’re wrong. You said through a shaken whisper, but you didn’t believe the words you were saying anymore.

Although I must say, I’m glad you didn’t quite give in then since I am rather pleased with how it all turned out. His death was the catalyst to a glorious chain of events. So much loss and broken trust. Finally, you had the reason to welcome me without restraint or regret.

You felt your anger rise as the voice kept talking whilst the scene changed from his death to Cid’s betrayal and Omega being captured and you being separated from Hunter. Nothing about that had been a blessing. It couldn’t have been. Shut up. You snarled. But the figure only smugly beamed.

There it is. There’s that power. You can deny it all you want but that was the best thing that happened to you. You let me in and from that point on, nothing stopped you getting what you wanted. And it felt divine. You know it did. Look at how formidable you are with me being a part of things.

You were dragged along the hall and all that appeared around you were the people in the galaxy you’d threatened, brutalised, and murdered. You had no other option but to watch and hear their tortured pleas and screams. You didn’t need the darkness to talk you through these this time, you recalled very clearly that during all of this, you’d felt not one bit of remorse. You’d thought they deserved it. You’d fallen so far, and a way back now seemed impossible.  

The darkness commented on a particular time where you were torturing a woman who’d been very difficult to track and get information from. Even when you did find her, she’d been loyal to the Empire, insisting you should’ve died with the rest of the Jedi traitors. You’d responded by cracking the individual bones in her fingers and hands before moving up to the bones in her arm. You’d broken her right clavicle before she’d finally told you what you needed to know. I particularly liked this moment. Do you remember how she couldn’t stand afterwards? All she could do was writhe on the floor in agony. Quite a humorous sight.

You remembered them all and it made you feel sick to your stomach now as you watched the endless stream of tormented and pained faces of people you had tortured and killed in your quest for information.

The last scene disappeared and despite the fact you had been walking along the corridor that whole time, the light had still remained far out of reach.

See? No matter how far you go, you’ll never reach that light. Why bother searching for it anymore? You know you’re better off alone. All you need is this power and you’ll be unstoppable. But since I know some part of you still cares for your clones, don’t trouble them with this. It’s not something that can be shared or fixed.  

The figure faded and you collapsed to your knees in defeat. You had succumbed to that darkness and hurt and killed too many people. You’d crossed that line, and you weren’t sure there was a way back for you and you wouldn’t take Hunter down with you. Or Wrecker and Echo. They deserved a chance to rescue Omega and set things right, and if being with Hunter meant that chance would be at risk, you wouldn’t take that from them. Even if it would kill you, it would be the last thing you did to protect your family. ‘No attachments. There is no emotion, there is peace.’ You had to finally listen to that part of the Jedi Code that you had fought against for years and… and you would let them go.

--

Once it seemed things were more under control, Wrecker broke the quiet. “I’m going to go keep watch.” He said before walking out.

There were a few minutes of silence, the only noise being the quiet hiss of Lyra sealing shut your injury now that she’d cleaned it.

“Didn’t know you had this skill set.” Hunter said into the quiet as he watched Lyra.

“I tell myself it’s not so different from stitching and making clothes. Plus, she kinda made it that I had to learn quick. There were just some things she couldn’t handle on her own.”

There was a dip in conversation again.

“I was sorry to hear about your kid... and Tech.” Lyra said quietly as she worked on you. She placed a bandage over your now closed injury and started to put away the medical supplies.

The mention of his brother’s name had him stiffening his posture. “Yeah, well, we’re going to find her.”

Lyra nodded understandingly before she indicated to you. “She’s been non-stop since Ord Mantell. She wouldn’t rest until she found you. Didn’t matter how dangerous things got, she wouldn’t stop.”

Hunter continued to stroke your brow. “She’s not the only one.”

“I almost wished she would. I thought the search was going to kill her. Especially after what happened last time.”

This wasn’t the first time she’d mentioned this now. And from the dynamic between the two of you since arriving here, he figured there was key subtext he was missing. He glanced over to Lyra. “What are you talking about?”

Lyra took a short breath. “It was a few weeks ago. She-” Lyra stopped as she heard you let out a soft groan.

“Hey you.” Hunter said softly as you slowly opened your eyes. “How are you feeling?”

You didn’t answer him. Whatever soreness you were experiencing wouldn’t come close to the misery your next course of action would cause you. “Thank you. Again.” You said to Lyra instead.

Lyra nodded. “I’ll go keep Wrecker company.” She said before grabbing her sniper rifle and making her exit.

Hunter brought his focus back to you and provided a supportive hand on your back as you sat up. “Take as long as you need. I figured once you’re feeling more up to it, you can say your goodbyes and leave with us. After-”

“You have to go.”

“Yes, I know…” Hunter said, tilting his head at you. “But you need a bit of time and-”

“No, you need to leave without me.”

Without you? No, you couldn’t mean that. “What’s-” He stopped for a moment to try and recover from the confusion your statement caused him. “What’s changed between that alleyway and now?”

You knew he wasn’t going to make this easy but every minute you had to do this was tearing you apart. “Everything has. The Empire knows what I am. It’ll add unnecessary heat.”

“We’ll cope.”

You swallowed harshly and grimaced as you readjusted your sitting position. “It’s not just that. Things changed when we got separated. I changed.”

“That doesn’t scare me.”

“It should. All I’ve done…” You trailed off and gulped. “I’m not who I used to be.”

 “I’ve done things I’m not proud of too. But we can-”

 “Hunter, I don’t belong with you anymore.”

Hunter couldn’t accept that. “You’re one of us. You always have been. Since the first moment you stepped in front of those droids on Devaron, you were one of us. I don’t understand why-”

“There’s someone else.” You blurted out and fuck you hated yourself for it. You knew by the way he recoiled from you and from deep hurt and betrayal that flashed across his face, you would’ve been better off hitting him. You knew you had to hurt him. Even if he left hating you, you could find a way to let him go. But you hated that you had to do it.

“There’s someone else.” Hunter repeated quietly, his throat bobbing as he kept his voice tight.

You had to push it. It was the only way, but it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest as you said the next words. You forced yourself to keep your voice cold and level. “I’ve moved on. I only needed to know that you were alive. And now I do. You can go now. Just leave and don’t think about me again. It’ll save us all a lot of bother.” You couldn’t face the wounded look in his eyes and you turned your own away from him and had to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.

Hunter clenched his jaw and swallowed thickly. “Look me in the eye and tell me that again.” He implored.

He knew you too well. You wouldn’t do it. If you did, he would know you were lying. So, you opted for something worse- you would manipulate his heart. “If any part of you still cares about me, you will go. That’s all I want now. I need you to leave. You’ll only be hurting me more if you stay.” You said firmly as you faced him again.

You sounded so sure, and even if he thought he could see something in your eyes that took the conviction out of your words, he’d never want to cause you pain, he wouldn’t be able to stand it. Better him be the one to take the hurt, no matter how unnatural it felt, no matter how much every fibre of his being yearned to stay by your side and work this out. So, Hunter got to his feet and walked over to the door. “Every part of me still cares about you.” He murmured back to you before the door opened and he walked out. He was walking out on you- something he thought he’d never do- and it left him feeling like he had a gaping hole in his chest.

--

As you heard the door shut, a broken sob left your lips and you let the tears fall.

--

“Where is she?” Lyra asked as Hunter came out from the door behind them.

“Keep her alive.” Hunter said numbly to Lyra before he walked away.

“Hunter-” Lyra started to say but the clone wasn’t stopping.

“Eh, well, I guess it was nice to see you.” Wrecker said hurriedly before he darted after his brother.

“Bye.” Lyra said with confusion as she watched the two clones go. She turned to go back inside and hopefully knock some sense into you.

--

You’d managed to drag yourself into the sanctity of your room, but the isolation wasn’t helping things. The regret you were feeling was overwhelming but what was done was done. You needed to stand by your choice, it was what was best for them, you just needed to learn how to cope. You needed something, anything, to distract your brain from the self-doubt running rampant in your head so, staying mindful of your wound, you tentatively sat back on your bed and closed your eyes, drowned out the pouring rain smacking against the glass, and found your centre again.

Not to your surprise, you were only surrounded by darkness. You’d let the last light in your life go, there was nothing left for you now.

Spark.

Not that voice. Not again, you couldn’t handle that. “No, I’m not doing this.”

Yes, you are. You need to listen to me, Spark.

You sighed and saw the figure of your old master appear in the vast space before you. “So, either I somehow took a turn and I’m dead or I’m hallucinating.”

Your master simply chuckled. Must it always be extremes with you?

“You taught me what I know, you tell me.”

Well, based off your past choices, I would say you’ve forgotten much of what I taught you.

“This is why you’re in my head? To lecture me about my choices? Yes, I broke the code, big whoop. I never liked it anyway. And now I’ve given into the dark side, sorry to have disappointed you.” You grumbled as you looked down at your feet.

He sighed. It hurt him to see you look so defeated, this wasn’t the young Jedi he’d raised. Evidently, you were going to need more help than he expected. This isn’t some meditative trick. I’ve always been with you, Spark, and now I’m with you because you need help. You’ve strayed from your path, and you need guidance.

“You’re a few months too late, Master.” The title came back into your vocabulary so naturally, you’d nearly missed the fact that you’d reverted back to your student/teacher dynamic so quickly.

That defeat you’re feeling is exactly why I’m here now. This dark side you seem to think is your destiny is not decided, but if you continue to stand by the decision that you just made, it will be. There’s a chance for you, Spark, don’t throw it away.

You couldn’t bring yourself to believe him. “If you’ve truly been around for all of this, you’ll know what I’ve done. You’ve seen what I’ve become. I wasn’t as strong I thought I was.”

You haven’t fallen yet. He reiterated. What you’ve gone through would wreck most people, the fact that you’ve only strayed from the light now is a credit to you. But this choice you’ve made to let them go is what will seal your fate.

“What are you talking about? I was on this path long before what happened on Ord Mantell. I saw it!” You said, your voice rising in frustration and distress. Why was everyone around you so insistent that you could heal from this? You’d shown your true colours years ago, you were only doing what you were obviously meant for.

He raised his hands to calm you. Spark, listen to me. You’re not-

“I had to let him go! I had to let them all go! You should be glad, Master! I’m finally following the teaching you worked so hard on getting through to me!” Your breathing grew more uneven and the word that left your mouth were filled with self-loathing, but you couldn’t stop them. “I’m damaged goods, I have been from the beginning, and I couldn’t bring him down with me! I couldn’t bring any of them down with me!” You felt tears slide down your cheeks as the emotion you had been trying to hard to push down came crashing to the surface.

And is letting attachments go part of the Jedi or Sith philosophy? He asked gently.

His genteel manner caught you off guard. You huffed out a quick breath. “Why does that matter?”

Answer the question, please.

You released an agitated sigh. “Jedi, I guess but-”

And let me ask you this, you said you saw what you’ve done? How?

You regained some composure. “I don’t know how to describe what it was I saw, but whatever it was took me down a lovely stroll through memory lane and I saw what I was. There’s no denying it now.”

It was starting to make sense to him now and with this new understanding, he finally knew the best way to help you. Yes, the dark side can be very manipulative that way. Especially when it knows there’s been pain plenty of pain and sorrow. It preys upon that and I’m just sorry it got to you before I could.

“What are you talking about?”  

What you saw, it wasn’t the whole truth.

Not the whole truth? “What do you mean?”

He looked at you with intrigue. What do you think I mean?

You inhaled deeply to find some patience. “Master, please. I’m not your padawan anymore.”

He bowed his head in acknowledgement. You’ll always be my padawan, Spark. But I understand this may not be the best time for one of my lessons.

Despite everything, the nostalgia his teaching persona brought you had you humming out a quiet laugh. “I guess working together on whatever cryptic lesson you’re going to impart on me will be fine, for old times sake if nothing else. Just don’t leave it all to me. I’m not clear-headed enough to do all the thinking.”

He nodded and smiled knowingly at you. It will be less cryptic that the lessons I used to give you. Let us begin.

You knew that gleam in his eye and you forgot that no matter how agitated or frustrated you’d been growing up as his pupil, he’d always found a way to put you at ease and you’d been more open to learning again. Even dead, he still seemed to possess that ability. And it was because of that, you found yourself getting ready to welcome whatever wisdom he felt could get you out of this hell you’d put yourself in.

Now, I understand that you are feeling a lot of guilt and self-loathing, correct?

Feeling it? You felt like you were drowning in it.

And you have convinced yourself that your clones, particularly… Hunter, isn’t it? He waited for your nod before continuing, are better off without you because you’ve done too much. Stepped over that line one too many times? A lost cause, yes?

“I guess you could say that.” You mumbled.

He hummed in thought before he spoke again. You mentioned something about you were this way from the beginning. Can you tell me to which beginning you are referring to?

You inhaled shakily. “I- I saw you die again. I watched myself destroy the rest of those droids in undisciplined rage and- and I was reminded of what I’d said to you.”

Ah yes, that was quite the day. Rather humiliating on my part, I must say. I should’ve just listened to you from the start. My we exchanged some choice words. He ruminated with a small chuckle.

You remembered him having a rather dry sense of humour, but this just seemed absurd. You’re laughing about this?! I was awful to you! I saw you die and all I could do was wreak havoc on a group of droids and I enjoyed it! I held your dead body in my arms and the last thing I had done was insult you and forget everything you’d taught me for some fucking battle droids!”

He held up his hands to appease you. You’re right, I shouldn’t have laughed but that wasn’t quite how it went.

You furrowed your brow. “What? I saw it! I remember it pretty clearly, even without the reminder. I’m haunted by it and you’re telling me that wasn’t what happened?!”

He shook his head. Not quite. Remember, the dark side has a remarkable ability to alter events to fit its needs. It only picks out the moments necessary to draw out those darker emotions. What you saw was true, from a certain point of view, but it didn’t show you everything.

“Then what am I missing?” You asked, desperation in your voice because if there was anything that could help ease the ache from that day, you needed it.

I wasn’t dead when I hit the ground. Fret not, no amount of medical attention would’ve saved me. He interjected hastily as he saw the panic that graced your face. Although the sadder truth is I did in fact die in your arms but… He angled his head to catch your eye again as you had shied away from him upon hearing that. He started again, but your last words to me were not fuelled by irritation or cruelty, you apologised for what you said as well as how you handled those droids. You told me that I was the best teacher you’d ever had, and you promised you would continue to work on what I taught you and to make me proud. That was the last thing you said to me before I passed on. And I can honestly say, Spark, that you kept your promise, despite how it might seem currently.

You went to speak but found that you didn’t have the words. All these years spent being tormented by a memory that in fact had another side to it, could that be right? Seeing it again had made it seem all the more true but there was nothing but sincerity in his face and voice as he told you this. He wasn’t looking to feed you a false narrative, there was no vindictiveness in his tone.

You don’t have to believe me immediately, I know things have been tough but we’re going to go through this and I’m going to help you see the truth, okay? He said tenderly.

You could only nod.

Okay. He straightened up. I’m going to make an educated guess and say that if that incident was the starting point, the next situation would’ve been that unfortunate time with Ahsoka and the Jedi Council and also the day you decided to leave?

You gulped and found your voice again. “Um, yeah.”

And I expect you were shown yourself in an untamed rage with little concern over the words you used?

You gave a stiff nod of your head.

Uh huh, well, once again, you were shown a manipulated memory created from shame. You were unhappy, and I can’t say I blame you, they really fucked that up if you pardon the phrase.

You couldn’t help but snort at his gentlemanly manner and you were reminded of the many telling offs for language you’d received growing up.

And while you were disappointed in them and frustrated, you never lost control of yourself. Your voice was raised but level. You were clear in your points, and you never said anything untoward save for some unsavoury language sprinkled in. He watched you impart the familiar eye roll as he said that last statement, but he took that as a positive sign. Your attachment to Ahsoka didn’t cloud your judgment, your decision to leave was made with a steady heart and a focused head. And I watched you do it and I knew it was the best decision for you. It did set things in motion, but they were good things for you, Spark, and it’s important that you realise that again. He looked at you earnestly.

You held his gaze, and, in his eyes, you saw the master that had been with you through thick and thin. The master that had put up with your questions and doubts about the Jedi Order that the Jedi Council could hardly tolerate. You saw the master that had mentored you and fought by your side for years. He was one of the people that had known you best. He wouldn’t lie to you, and you felt your heart opening up to what he was saying to you.

Shall we continue? He asked after giving you a minute to process.

You shook your shoulders and exhaled heavily before you looked at him and give him a single, firm nod.

--

He had taken you through various events bit by bit. Pointing out that elements that demonstrated you were still being pulled towards the light. Things like you would’ve either left or killed Lyra the second she’d gotten you out of Ord Mantell and her use was over. Things like you wouldn’t have offered so many opportunities for people to talk to you before you injured or killed them, you would have hurt them first and asked questions later- killing and pain had never been your first port of call. And any firefight that ensued, when possible, you made sure you remained the primary target and civilians would be out of harms way.

Concern for others and worry about the consequences of your actions… Sith and dark side users tend not to feel or allow for these things. He surmised.

Even if what he was revealing to you was the whole picture, there was still the pressing matter of how you’d been in the recent months. “But Eriadu and everything that followed after… I let something in, what was it if not the dark side?”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. You had never experienced loss and betrayal in such quick succession before. What you let in was the anger and anguish you were feeling which you weren’t trained to handle properly. The more you went on, the more those emotions twisted your brain which allowed the darkness to creep in and make it more effortless to act on said emotions. It was easier for you to get what you needed with your emotions being what they were, and you didn’t have to think about who was getting hurt. You got a rather bad case of tunnel vision- you were doing bad things for good reasons, but they were not senseless acts of violence.

“But I have done so many bad things.” You said with self-directed disgust.

Yes, but what you can do now is work towards finding that line again. To finding that control you had in the past. You’ve been on that path since this morning, the self-awareness of what you’ve been doing wasn’t present in the months before today. However, you cannot get back to that place alone anymore, you’ve changed since you left the Order and most of it was for the better, but more attachment means more support. You will not be able to find that balance if you let your family go. He said with a sense of urgency. He needed you to grasp what he was telling you, no matter how unnatural it might feel.

Your pulse quickened. Surely, he wasn’t suggesting what you thought he was? “What are you saying, Master?”

Do you know where your nickname originated?

Confused as you why this was suddenly relevant, you angled your head at him. “I always figured it was because word spread that I made my lightsaber slightly wrong the first time and nearly set it on fire when I first ignited it.”

He chortled. That acted more as a visual aid and a helpful addition to the true origin.

“Then where did it come from?”

He took a deep breath. In the weeks leading up to the time for us to choose a youngling to take under our wing, you caught my eye from the start. It wasn’t just your natural ability with a lightsaber or your quick grasp of the Force, it was how you interacted with the people around you. During the trials, you had a heightened care for how the others were performing and you aided them whenever you could without a second thought. It made you more focused, more effective. You were unique from your peers in that sense and in a way that I’d never seen before, and I knew I had to get to know you more to understand what it was I was picking up on.

“Yeah, I remember. I’d never expected someone to choose me so eagerly, especially since my disciplinary record was far from perfect, even at that age.” Youreminisced with a sigh.

Yes, my fellow Jedi were surprised at my decision, but there was just something within you I had to see for myself. As we got to understand each other and I could officially begin your training, I watched you continue to demonstrate this quality and I could feel it residing in the Force within you. You had this spark, this fire that drove you which would worry even the most disciplined Jedi Masters but with you, it was as much a part of you as the Force was with the rest of us. You were completely at peace with it, and it was something you probably didn’t realise was so rare. You could feel attachment without rejecting the light side of the Force to do so.

So, the name made a bit more sense after all these years, but you still couldn’t see why this was being brought up. “Okay…”

He could tell you were still hesitant to all this. Do you know which General had the most victories with the fewest casualty numbers? Quite a feat to have during war time I might add.

You huffed a heavy breath from your lips. “I have no idea. The war was such a mess and there were so many of us that it was hard to keep up with the results of each battle.”

Fair point. He conceded, but that doesn’t change the answer which is that it was you.

You were taken aback for a moment before you thought back to that period and part of it did make sense. Many of your strategies had seen you take on the most dangerous elements for the sake of the clones in your battalion despite protests from them, your master and pretty much everyone that was involved, but all that mattered to you was that they worked, and you did what you could to protect everyone else.

He knew you enough to recognise that face and he figured whatever it was you were thinking about would relate to his next question. And which General had the most visits to the medical wing? Another impressive award. He added with a hint of disapproval, his mask of control slipping slightly as he frowned at the memories of the countless notifications he’d receive of your admittance to the healing wards of the Jedi Temple.

You cringed as you remembered the fact you had been on a first name basis with all the medical personnel. “I did.”

He nodded. Attachments didn’t bring you down, they lifted you up. Their most negative consequence in that period seemed to be the recklessness they gave you- and my hair greying faster than I would’ve liked. He couldn’t help but say before he continued, but they didn’t unbalance you like they did most of us. And it is on that point my dear Spark, that I failed you.

“Failed me?” In what galaxy could he have possibly failed you when you were the one that had forgone all you stood for and was one slip away from total self-destruction.

When it became clear to me that this was indeed one of your best qualities and strengths, I was thrilled! It presented a challenge for me as you Master that I was looking forward to exploring! Your emotional attachment to people and causes was one I wanted to teach you to manage, not forbid. Your love and care didn’t make you more susceptible to the dark side and its dangers, it drew you closer to the light. That fire that burns within you isn’t a threat, it’s your way to become something greater. But the Council… He trailed off with a regretful sigh. They rejected my proposal that I mentor you in this way. So instead, as you got older, I worked on forcing you to dampen that flame within you but- He stopped for a moment and chuckled wryly. As you may remember, that was when the root of our conflicts started. Foolishly and rather selfishly-and this is an example of how even those of us that followed the Jedi Code to the letter slip from time to time- you passing your trials into Knighthood gave me profound relief. Not only did it mean I could see you become the Jedi you were always meant to be, but it meant my duty as your teacher was over and I could stop doing something I was against. But I shied away too much and stopped teaching you altogether, had I just been less of a ‘pawn of the Council’ as you quite rightly put it, what you’re experiencing now could have been avoided.

You took a moment to let his words sink in, but you wouldn’t let him blame himself for how you’d behaved in recent times. “I still made the choices to hurt those people, Master. You’re not responsible for my actions.”

Perhaps not, but I could’ve done more to make sure you were better equipped to deal with the loss attachment could bring rather than just tell you to stop feeling it altogether. Not that you listened to that anyway. He added with a slight grin.

You allowed yourself half a smile at that before his face turned sombre again.

But I should’ve stood up for you and for that I’m sorry.

You bowed your head in acceptance of his apology. “But what does all of what we’ve talked about have to do with where I am now?”

Everything I’ve shown you, everything you’ve felt in these recent months illustrates someone who had to cope with a tremendous amount of grief when they had been told their whole life to not feel or get attached. Even with your strength and abilities, Spark, that was a big ask, your actions, and the internal conflict you’re going through is an understandable outcome. But even in dealing with that struggle, you were never purely evil or sought to abandon your Jedi teachings. The only time I grew truly worried before now was whatever you did a few weeks ago. Even I couldn’t see you; it was like the very light around you was getting snuffed out. Care to tell me what you did?

You shook your head adamantly.  

Very well. As I was saying, all you’ve learned, all you’ve done and means you can heal from this. You are not a lost cause, not a source of darkness and despair. You are good at heart, Spark!

But Master, I-

No, don’t talk yourself out of this. Really think about what I’m telling you. You never abandoned Lyra, you did your best to ensure no civilian would be caught up in your fights, you offered chances to those people before you hurt them. And you were able to sense Hunter and Wrecker arrive. That source of light wouldn’t have shown itself if you were too far down that dark path.

Maybe so but-

He wouldn’t let you second guess yourself anymore. And when you realised that they were indeed on this planet… what did you do first?

You pondered for a moment before you remembered. I helped those sisters.

And when you found one another, you felt alive and hopeful again but because you’d been lost and confused for so long, it got manipulated into that guilt and regret and hurt you are experiencing right now that has left you exposed to this darkness. But before that, you were ready to free yourself of it, whether you truly realised it or not.

“Right…” You said distantly as you were slowly starting to understand what revelation he was guiding you towards.

I can see you working it out, you’re almost there. He encouraged.

Each lesson and aspect of this entire conversation began to click into place. “So, you’re saying that Hunter’s my light? He’s my way out of this?” You uttered quietly.

Isn’t he? He challenged with a supportive smile. And I believe he too made that fact very clear before you sent him away.

“I thought that was what I was supposed to do.” You said in dismay as your mind finally began to listen to what your Master had been telling you and you gained some proper clarity. What had you done?

He looked at you fondly. You were always a bad student when it came to applying and learning the history of our Code, it would fit that the first time you apply the philosophy to your life would be the poorer choice. They never unbalanced you, Spark. At the very least, they’re your way of staying true to the light side and your dark side knew that, hence it’s enthusiastic efforts to turn you.

You hid you head in your hands in embarrassment. You wouldn’t know a right decision if it smacked you in the face.  

Oh, and with regards to Cid and Hemlock, I leave that side of things entirely up to you, with your family by your side, I know punishing them however you like won’t ruin you.

“Thanks, Master.” You replied, a smile in your voice.

Not every Jedi gets the chance at a family, Spark, don’t throw it away now.

You glanced up in time to see him fade away but what was around you wasn’t pure darkness anymore; rays of light had broken into the gloomy space, with more fighting to get through.

--

You opened your eyes sharply and wiped away the damp residue of the tears that had escaped your eyes from your cheeks. He was right, they were the light in your life, and you’d been so stupid to let them go.

Ignoring the lingering pain of your injury, you hastily got to your feet, grabbed a couple bags of credits, and left your room only to be greeted by the disappointed and unhappy face of Lyra. “Hey, I was just-”

“You need to go after them. I’m sorry but I’m drawing the line here. I have not watched you put yourself through hell and risk your life month after month to find your family again only for you to throw it away for some stupid, fucked up, self-sabotaging reason! If you let them go, it will destroy you and as someone else who cares about you, I cannot allow you to do that! They’re your family, you need them, and they need you. And your kid needs you, you can’t just stop! And Hunter… that man is so in love with you it’s sickening, and you are as equally disgustingly in love with him! Whatever is holding you back, the two of you can get through together!”

“Lyra-” But she held up a finger to stop you.

“And you don’t need to worry about me, I will be fine. I’ll get a job and might even find a place that’s not a condemned building to live. You have to go!” She finished with a nervous exhale as she awaited your reaction.

“You’re right.” You agreed.

“Yeah, I am and- wait… what?” Lyra stared at you, shocked.

“I’m going after them.”

“You are?” She double checked.

“Yup.”

“Oh, thank fuck!” Lyra exclaimed before she darted forward and wrapped you up in her arms.

“How long were you coming up with that speech?” You kidded as the two of you hugged.

“For however long you were holed up in your room.” Lyra said with a laugh. “And in case you didn’t listen to that, I had my rifle set to stun and was fully prepared to drag you.”

“Glad we could avoid that.” You replied drily. “Also, ‘sickeningly in love?’” You quoted.

“I meant that as a compliment. Most people can only dream of that.”

You managed a short laugh. “I was an ass to you.” You mumbled shamefully.

“You were, but you were going through a lot.” Lyra said kindly as she removed herself from your hold.

“I was broken and hurting but that wasn’t an excuse to treat you how I did and I’m so sorry. I’m truly grateful for you and your friendship and well, just everything you’ve done for me. I won’t ever forget it. There are some spare bags of credits from those jobs I pulled whilst we were on the move in my bedside drawer, take them. And if there’s anything, and I mean anything you need, I will be there. You only have to get in touch.” You passed her the details of the Marauder’s comm channel.

“Go get ‘em.” Lyra said with a grin.

You gave her one last quick hug before you ran out the door, concern for your injury was pushed far to the back of your mind. You only prayed to the Force that you hadn’t left it too late.

--

“But I still don’t understand why we’re going without her. What you’ve said makes no sense.” Wrecker questioned as he followed Hunter up and down the Marauder as he got stuff ready for take-off.

“Not my problem, Wrecker. I don’t really want to relive it all again so that it makes sense to you.” Hunter said gruffly as he avoided making eye-contact with his brother and instead focused on keeping himself busy.

“She met someone else and you’re basically doing the whole ‘if you love someone you let them go?’”

“I guess that about sums it up.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Wrecker-”

“I’m sorry, Sarge, but it’s true.”

“You weren’t there. You didn’t hear her.”

“She can’t have meant it! She still has your insignia, if there was someone else, why would she keep that?!”

“Wrecker, drop it.” Hunter said sharply. His brother’s insistence that you were making all this up was only rubbing salt in the wound.

“We’re really just going to leave and forget about her?”

“Yup.”

Wrecker just couldn’t accept that. “If you love someone, you fight for them! Otherwise, what’s the point in what we’re doing right now, why should we bother going after Omega?”

Hunter paused his pacing by the doorway and released an exasperated sigh. “What do you expect me to do?”

Wrecker went to speak but changed his mind as to what he was going to say as he saw the figure in the background. “Actually, I don’t think you’ll have to do anything.” Wrecker said, looking past Hunter’s shoulder.

Hunter turned to follow his gaze and that was when he saw you. Standing in the torrential rain a few feet away from the steps to the Marauder, was you and you were obviously trying to catch your breath.

--

You started to speak before you caught your breath, so your words were leaving you in a desperate and winded manner. “I was always a bad student.” You raised your voice over the sound of the pouring way. You wiped some drops away from your face, a futile gesture given the intensity of the downpour, but the motion assisted in grounding you for this moment.

Hunter studied you from afar for a second, unsure as to why you’d started this way.

Sensing his uncertainty, you cleared your throat and started again but your words still spilled from your lips in a nervous ramble. “So, it turns out I was always a Jedi who developed attachments and love for people, but apparently that’s a pretty strong and unique quality and applying the Jedi philosophy of ‘letting attachment go’ is a mistake and- and it felt like one. I have such a poor grasp of that concept that even when I went to use it properly, I got it all wrong. I was always a terrible student but for once, for once in my life, I have never been more grateful for it.” Your voice quivered as you said these next words. “I love you! I love you so much it hurts but it’s the kind of hurt that I can’t imagine not having in my life. You, this team, are what keep me balanced and alive, and I was stupid to think letting you go was the solution to everything I have done!”

Hunter could feel his heart thundering in his chest as he listened to what you were saying.

“Finally seeing you again made me feel hope and brought a newfound sense of purpose in my life I didn’t think I’d have again but it got all twisted, I let it get all messed up! I saw you and Wrecker, and I felt that love again and it terrified me at first! I had been acting out and miserable for so long that I didn’t think I deserved to feel this way again or that I should burden you all with my past. I needed to be punished and this was the best way I could think of. I allowed whatever darkness that had been driving me for that period we were apart to convince me that you were better of alone and I had to say whatever I could to get that to happen and for that, I am sorry!” You were in full flow now, all the emotions you’d been supressing came crashing to the surface and for once, it actually felt good. You weren’t existing as a husk of armour anymore.

Hunter couldn’t stand the gap between you anymore and he got his feet in motion. He needed to be near you, he needed to hold you again. You didn’t seem to notice his movement though because you carried on talking.

“There was never anyone else, there could never be anyone else! You’re it for me and this-” You stopped and gestured to the half white skull insignia on your top layer. “When I had this and said that you were a part of me, I truly meant it! Even when we weren’t together, that feeling never faltered. Half my heart beats for myself and this family I was fortunate enough to find. The other half beats for you! You are so deeply engrained in my very being that when I didn’t have you, I could hardly call it living! And then I got you back, and I was flooded with all the emotions I’d been missing since that day we were separated, and they collided with everything I’d done wrong, and I just panicked! I entered self-sabotage mode and thought letting you out of my life was what I had to do! I ruined one of the few remaining good things in my life and was preparing myself to let it be so. Thankfully, it was pointed out to me just how incorrect I was and I’m sorry!”

Hunter kept slowly walking down the steps towards you, the heavy rain instantly cascading down his face and body, but he didn’t care. His sole focus was on you now and the words you were saying. The words that were now healing the open wound he’d had since leaving you in that run down apartment.

“I need to come back. I need to be with you and I’m sorry I got everything so wrong! I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but you have to let me come back!”

“Yes.” He said as he continued to shorten the distance between you both.

“This family is the light of my life. You are the light of my life. So, either, let me come with you or just shoot me because without you, without this squad, I am just a shell of a human being and I’m done feeling like that now! You have to let me come back!”

“Yes.” Hunter said again as he stopped in front of you.

“And I-” You cut yourself off as you finally registered what he was saying and that the space between you both was now only a matter of inches. “Really?”

Hunter nodded and his hand fell to your waist whilst the other cradled the side of your face.

“I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” You whispered softly as your hand rested on his now unarmoured chest and you got utterly absorbed in the feeling of his heart pounding beneath your fingertips- each beat emphasising that this was real, you were actually with him now- and you had no doubt that he could pick up on the way your own pulse was racing.

“It’s okay.” He breathed. “I love you too.”

“I love you.” You croaked out again as you felt the emotions rise in the back of your throat.

“You never stopped being a part of me either.” He murmured, his breathing heavy as his self-restraint was hanging by a thread, but he needed you to be sure. “Can I-” Hunter started to ask as he angled his head and slowly brought his lips closer to yours.

“Yes.” You cut him off. If he didn’t kiss you now, you felt as though you might stop breathing.

Hunter swiftly bridged the remaining distance and the dread he’d been experiencing at the idea of never finding you, at the idea of leaving you behind instantly evaporated in this moment as he finally placed his lips on yours.

You sighed into the sensation of experiencing this again and what began as hesitant and careful, soon became a kiss between two people fuelled by passion who had been apart for far too long and who would never be apart again. You wrapped your arms around him and pressed yourself against him.

Hunter first made sure he held you securely in his arms but as the kiss progressed and both of you became more immersed in feeling each other once more, his hands started caressing everything he could find. The actions elicited a small but desperate noise from you which he already felt drunk off of and he needed to hear more of you. The rain that had once felt like a harsh cascade of cold, damp water now felt gentle and tepid. He got utterly absorbed in your warmth and he tasted the water on your lips, but the interference didn’t bother him, he just relished the feeling of having you back in his embrace again.

You faintly registered the sun breaking through and the rain lightened in its deluge as you kissed him. If it wasn’t such a perfect moment, you might’ve laughed at the cliched nature of it all, but you were too caught up in this feeling that you ignored it. You threaded your fingers in his hair and lightly tugged, soliciting that raspy and familiar groan from him and your stomach fluttered at the feeling.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t ignore your current injury any longer and you felt it strain as Hunter held you tighter to him in response to your actions.

Hunter forced himself to pull away upon feeling your wince, his chest heaving as he worked on getting oxygen back into his lungs, but you interrupted his incoming question by continuing to plant light, affectionate kisses on the rest of his face and he couldn’t help the low but happy laugh that he let out. He lightly grabbed your shoulders and took a slight step back to take you in. The way the sun fell across your face had his breath catching in his throat. Your eyes were bright and looking at him with an adoration that he knew was reflected in his own gaze and the blissful smile on your lips beautifully captured the feelings of this moment. He rested a hand on the side of your face.

You looked into his own shining dark brown eyes and leaned into his touch with a soft and content sigh.

Hunter continued to slowly caress your cheek. “Not to disrupt your healing journey, but I have to ask… where do you stand on Cid and Hemlock?”

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re getting fucked up. I have permission on that front.” You said with a decisive nod. “I just have to watch the line with those that aren’t exactly personally involved.”

Not going to question where this permission came from exactly, he was just grateful whatever had happened, had brought you back to him so he just focused on the last part. “I can help with that. And you can look out for me too. We don’t have to do this alone anymore.”

You gave him an agreeing and grateful smile before you planted another tender kiss to his lips and grabbed his hand as the two of you walked back to the ship.

“This you officially back with us now?” Wrecker asked with a grin as you stepped aboard.

“You won’t be able to get rid of me.” You replied with a small smile as you gazed around you. There were times where you had felt uncertain as to whether you would stand amongst these comforting and familiar walls again, and your senses were flooded with the memories you had created and shared here. You swallowed harshly as you saw Omega’s and Tech’s spaces, but you regained your composure as you walked along the hallway. Your hand traced along the bunk you shared with Hunter and a soft sigh left your lips as you were instantly reminded of the slightly more personal moments you had experienced there.

It felt good to be home.

“Ready?” Hunter asked as you finished in the cockpit. He came beside you and wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you tight to him as Wrecker put the ship in hyperspace.

You nodded. “Let’s go get our girl.”

Next Oneshot>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @fuckoffthanos, @tpwkcalli, @graciexmarvel, @arctrooper69, @nightmonkeysstuff, @brujaporfavor, @starwarsnerd111, @flyingkangaroo, @sunkissedclones, @ladytano420, @keep-calm-and-drink-caf, @yyourmotherr, @xxeiraxx, @dragonrider9905, @skellymom, @lokigirlszendaya

[lisa-russell]

Off the Hook means something to me.

I was first introduced to Splatoon via a single piece of fanart. It was Octo Expansion, I grew intrigued and looked further on. And was introduced to the world of Splatoon.

I slowly read through all the lovingly written fan stories I came across on the Inkernet. Read the fancomics and lil blurbs people had on their belowved OC and Versions of the N.S.S.

Than I heard the music.

What wonderous and uinque sound the world of Splatoon has. Spawning epic remixes and Original Spatbands/Idol groups, based from these songs and tunes. Splatify and Youtube, led me to finding more than over 400 of these melodies.

I was than was gifted a switch, and a copy of Splatoon 2. I played it and finally understood why so many infish fell in love with this world, why it was such a hit over in japan...i could only watch others play, now I had the key to this world in my hands.

I loved the lore and sometimes silly, sometimes serious and sometimes sad aspects of each games main herostory/DLC. Those where a perfect way of getting to know the world and its Idols, and what profound power music has on its inhabitants.

Or how the Precursors (Humans) still left their mark on the world, in far more startling revelations as we found out from Splatoon 3, from a beloved immortal pyschic cat, to the tragic bonesyards of millions of lost lives and the Precursor Technology left behind by said humans.

I found myself smiling at the antics and downright funny moments of the games.

Than Octo Expansion came out and changed everything.

Giving release, freedom and light to many tragedies. The dark theme and horrifying discoveries found in the metro was a spin far from the colourful streets of Inkoplis or Octarian Territory.

OfftheHook became a bigger role in the game, I legit tried not to cry when the credits rolled...

Well you all know what came after that a few months later. The finalfest came and that victory decided the fate of Splatoons future to a greater degree than Splatoon 1 in certain aspects.

I waited, enjoyed the Splatoon Community until Splatoon 3 was announced and everying lost there clamming heads lol. I saved up from my Birthdays and bought S3.

It had its ups and downs but i cant lie, I am having a lot fun. I was freaking excited when Side Order came out. Bringing with it some much needed answers and closers to Octo Expansion and whatnot. The fact Offthehook was back was just inkcredible. I have a hate/love relationship with Salmonrun/Bigrun.

And now where just being bombarded with new content out of nowhere! And i thought we inkfish went crazy when splatoon 3 came out. Its shucking everywhere now lmao!

Between the recent Nintendo Summer2024 Magizine INTERVIEW, SummerNights Fest...and the sudden Starchfest(lol) the 8.1.0 update and than... a surpise drop Japan did at 12-am, 1 am in the morning. Next day, its spread EVERYWHERE.

Cue the international freakout wave. 😂🤣😂I'll admit i was surfing that wave too. 😅

When I saw the video, a squealed and was also a little sad knowing the end is coming soonish. I saw offthehook and was like thats my team,100%.

I am TEAM PRESENT!

[miss-musings]

"You Should Be More Careful With Your Shooting Hand": Was There a Better Way to Address Crosshair's Hand Tremors?

In the weeks since The Bad Batch series finale, I've seen a lot of discussion about how the show handled Crosshair's PTSD, hand tremors and losing his hand to CX-2. I've seen some positive and some negative, and a lot of mixed thoughts.

So, I wanted to share my thoughts on it purely from a writing perspective. There are a lot of aspects of TBB Season 3 that could've been executed better -- *cough* CX-2 *cough* -- but I just want to focus on these ideas on paper.

Before we start: I want to state for the record that I do not have PTSD, nor am I any kind of authority on mental health conditions. I am commenting on this only from a writing perspective. If I happen to come across as insensitive, I apologize because that's not my intention.

So, let's set up the general scenario and look at a few options for tackling it, analyzing the pros and cons of each option.

An Overview of Crosshair's Hand Tremors in S3

From his very first appearance in Season 3, we see that Crosshair has a tremor in his right hand. It is implied to be a symptom of PTSD — or something akin to it in the Star Wars universe �� related to being imprisoned and tortured on Tantiss.

His hand tremors impact his sharpshooting abilities during the Tantiss escape in 3.03, during the Lau shootout in 3.04 and during the confrontation with the Ice Wyrm in 3.05. However, he and his allies end up "winning the day" in all three episodes.

(His hand tremors don't seem to be a factor during the Bad Batch's showdown with Asajj Ventress in 3.09. Even if Crosshair had been at 100% against her, I doubt he would've done anything.)

It isn't until 3.07 that Crosshair's hand tremors have lasting negative consequences. As a result of not killing CX-2 during their first shootout in the spire, his group is endangered, Nemec dies and Crosshair nearly dies too.

However, the group manages to escape Teth, and I'd argue that everything in 3.11 probably would've played out the same regardless because Hemlock would’ve sent a different CX operative to Pabu instead. (Although I realize the characters don't know that.)

Crosshair's hand tremors persist through the rest of the series, seemingly getting worse as CF99 prepare to infiltrate Tantiss, until CX-2 cuts it off during the hangar fight in 3.15.

Now, let's analyze a few options for how this could've played out. Again, we're just looking at each one on paper, not in execution.

Option A: The Version We Got

Let's call the canon version Option A.

In this version, Crosshair has tremors in his right hand throughout Season 3, and the only real negative consequence is that CX-2 is alive post-3.07.

In 3.11, Crosshair misses the shot to track Omega to Tantiss. However, it's not because of his hand tremors. It's because of the timing. He was about to shoot when stormtroopers found him on the Sea Wall, and by the time he took the shot — which, why was he running anyway? — it was too late. The ship pulled away at the last second and the tracker fell in the water.

Skipping ahead to 3.15, Crosshair and his brothers are infiltrating Tantiss to rescue Omega and the other prisoners.

There's a mounting sense of dread in the hangar fight: the CX operatives show up; Hunter is knocked unconscious; and Wrecker is attacked. As the dark climax/conclusion for the hangar fight and as the payoff to their one-sided rivalry, CX-2 decides to cut off Crosshair's shooting hand.

The entire hangar fight, but especially this moment of CX-2 attacking Crosshair and preparing to cut off his hand, is probably the darkest moment in the entire finale. This is underscored by the next two scenes: In a moment of morbid humor/dramatic irony, Omega notes that the blaster fire is over and leads the other kids to the hangar; and then Echo sees his defeated brothers being carted away to Hemlock's lab.

Crosshair's amputation then adds tension to the final confrontation with Hemlock, as now he's down a hand in general and his dominant hand at that.

So, let's look at the pros and cons of Option A (the version we got):

PROS: Payoff to the one-sided rivalry with CX-2; a dark conclusion to the hangar fight; additional tension in the final confrontation with Hemlock; playing into Star Wars tropes and drawing parallels between Crosshair and other characters who've lost hands/limbs, namely Anakin Skywalker

(EDIT: This ScreenRant article also argues that Crosshair losing his hand severs his connection to Tantiss and "marks a turning point toward redemption and a brighter future." So, make of that what you will.)

CONS: Admittedly this is being reductive, but Option A could feel like the amputation essentially "solves" Crosshair's hand tremors and/or PTSD, which is definitely not how it works. It could also be a very careless way to tackle such a heavy subject matter, especially for those who suffer from PTSD and see themselves in Crosshair. (As I'll talk about more in a second, this is something YouTuber SheevTalks discussed in his TBB Season 3 review.)

Option B: Crosshair Keeps His Hand in the Finale

This is the version that I saw YouTuber SheevTalks and some other folks on social media champion. (Note: feel free to watch his TBB Season 3 review, but just know that I DO NOT agree with all of his takes about the season or the show in general.)

Essentially, everything with Crosshair's hand tremors plays out the same way up until 3.11. In this version, he misses the shot to track Omega's ship because of the hand tremors, not because of the timing.

This would add greater tension in the episodes leading up to the finale, because failing to track CX-2's ship would be an immediate and direct consequence of his hand tremors. With the exception of CX-2 surviving 3.07, we haven't had anything like this in Season 3.

It would also directly contribute to Crosshair feeling that he failed Omega (and his brothers) because of his hand tremors and add to his insecurity that he's not the capable sharpshooter he used to be anymore.

This version would have him keep his hand through the finale. That way, in the final confrontation with Hemlock, he has to battle against his hand tremors and self-doubt to save Omega. But, unlike in 3.11, this time he would be doing it with his family's physical and emotional support.

As SheevTalks argues, there are a lot of positives to this version:

PROS: a greater narrative through line and payoff for Crosshair's PTSD/hand tremors throughout Season 3; a greater emphasis on the importance of family, love and community in addressing mental health needs; Crosshair gets to keep his hand!

However, under Option B, there would also be some drawbacks and several things that would need to be addressed:

CONS: Without CX-2 cutting off Crosshair's hand in the hangar fight, we'd need some equally high-stakes conclusion AND have some kind of payoff for CX-2's rivalry with Crosshair.

Crosshair needs to sustain some kind of injury in the fight. It'd need to be 1) survivable 2) as severe and dark as losing his dominant hand and 3) add to the tension during the final confrontation with Hemlock.

CX-2 couldn't just knock Crosshair out, because then Crosshair would essentially be in the same physical state post-hangar fight as he would be pre-hangar fight. Yes, there would be additional tension in the confrontation with Hemlock because he'd have to overcome his hand tremors, but we still need some other way to conclude the hangar fight.

I've wracked my brain trying to think of ideas, and I can't come up with anything that would be as dark but survivable as getting his hand cut off — as terrible as that sounds.

I mean Wrecker gets shot in the leg later in the finale and Echo gets stabbed in the back/shoulder, and neither wound is ever addressed again. So, we'd need something much worse than either of those, but still survivable.

Plus, as I've discussed before, CX-2 is a petty bitch who definitely had a grudge against Crosshair. Cutting off his shooting hand kind of makes sense in a dark and twisted way.

One more con I'll mention is that, being reductive again, people could argue that Crosshair overcoming his PTSD/hand tremors through "the power of love" or "the power of friendship" might be cliché. But, as I'll talk about more in a bit, I don't really have a problem with that.

*****

Now, looking at Options A and B, neither is perfect. Both of them have problems, even just on paper.

So, I wonder: is there a way we can combine the two so we have the best of both worlds?

Allow me to introduce:

Option C: Crosshair Has Tremors in Both Hands

In this version, we'd set up very early in Season 3 that Crosshair has tremors in BOTH hands. Maybe his tremors are more severe in his right hand, because he uses it more; or maybe because it's his dominant hand, it's more noticeable. It doesn't really matter.

Pretty much everything in Season 3 would happen the same way, up until 3.11, when — just like Option B — Crosshair misses the shot on Pabu because of his hand tremors not because of the timing.

Then, in the 3.15 hangar fight, CX-2 still cuts off his right hand so we have payoff for their one-sided rivalry and have our dark, high-stakes conclusion to the hangar fight.

So, by the time we get to the final confrontation with Hemlock, we have double the tension because Crosshair is missing his dominant hand AND he has tremors in his left hand too.

(Side note: Because S3 canon makes it clear that Crosshair's tremors are ONLY in his right hand, I wondered why he didn't start shooting his pistol leftie as a way to compensate. As we see in 3.15, his aim was fine, and we know he can shoot leftie pretty well from S1-2.)

Option C would also make it clear to the audience that Crosshair's PTSD/hand tremors are not "solved" simply because he got his hand cut off, which would be a problem with Option A.

So, under this scenario, we combine most of the pros for both Options A and B:

PROS: Payoff to the one-sided rivalry with CX-2; a dark climax for the hangar fight; additional tension to the final confrontation with Hemlock; playing into Star Wars tropes and drawing parallels between Crosshair and other characters who've lost hands/limbs, namely Anakin Skywalker; a greater narrative through line and payoff for Crosshair's PTSD/hand tremors throughout Season 3; a greater emphasis on the importance of family, love and community in addressing mental health needs

CONS:

Under Option C, I really can't think of any new downsides.

The only one I can see is people complaining that Crosshair overcoming his PTSD/hand tremors through the "power of love" is cliche. But, as I said, I don't have a problem with that.

If we're going to be reductive about PTSD and its symptoms — with hand tremors being only one of many possible symptoms — I would much rather be reductive in a positive way. He's able to briefly overcome his hand tremors in a moment of need because he has his family's physical and emotional support. That's a far cry from "His PTSD/hand tremors are now solved!"

(EDIT: You can make the case that this also happened in the canon version. While I agree that Crosshair only made that shot in 3.15 bc he had his family’s support, I still don’t think the resolution to his PTSD/hand tremors plot line was well-executed.)

As I said I'm not an authority in mental health, but what I do know is that feeling mentally and emotionally supported, having a group of family and/or friends you can trust and confide in, and generally just having a sense of community are major factors to improving one's mental health.

Throughout Season 3, we see Crosshair wanting to deal with his hand tremors (and likely his PTSD in general) by himself. But, his family help him address it and begin the healing process.

Hunter to Omega in 3.08: See if you can convince (Crosshair) to get his hand looked at. Ignoring it won't make the problem go away. Omega to Crosshair in 3.08: Just because there's nothing AZI can do, doesn't mean your hand can't get better. Maybe you're the one who has to fix it. Omega later in 3.08: It's meditation. It'll help you heal. Not just your hand, but your mind too.

So, yeah, if we're going to be reductive about something as heavy and complex as PTSD and mental health in general, I would much rather emphasize "the power of love/friendship/family" than whatever the alternative is. Even if it's cliché.

Honestly, I think Option C would've been the best option of the three I've discussed. There are a few other possibilities I've considered — like what if CX-2 knew about Crosshair's hand tremors from their time together on Tantiss and CX-2 cut off his left hand in the hangar fight??? — but I think we'd ultimately end up covering a lot of the same ground.

However, these are all my opinions. I'm interested to hear everyone's take on this. Feel free to comment/reblog with your thoughts.

[tommygrace]

One of the things why I think Grace is perfect for Tommy and the only one that was good for him, is because although she also has her dark side, and the two bonded over their traumas, they connected through that night, which they saw each other in their darkest moment. But they also healed each other when they were together. But the reason is, Grace told Campbell that the hatred she felt had disappeared, she no longer felt the need to want to avenge her father, and by continuing with the mission, it was like a tribute to her father. She closed that chapter in her life, she stopped being an undercover spy, since it was something that she did not feel like, she did it for revenge, and she saw how the police were not that good, just as the gangsters are not that bad. But she was able to overcome her trauma and move on with her life. She tried to start over with Tommy but she couldn't, she went to start another life, more sincere to herself. Of course you can't erase your dark side completely, so she kept making mistakes and learning from them. By S3, she had the life she wanted and that made her happy, she married the love of her life, Tommy and they had a family, which brought them peace and happiness. That's why Tommy needed her so much, because although he was better in terms of the trauma, but his trauma was much stronger, and much more difficult to overcome in a short time, he was beginning that path of healing, with Grace by his side, because she inspired him, and she could teach him how to do it. She accompanied him on that path of healing and finally having the life he wanted so much and made him happy.

Quite the opposite of his relationship with Lizzie. When he married her, he was depressed and had much more darkness, it was not one trauma, there were two. He was toxic and dark, and Lizzie was also depressive, toxic and dark, and she did not inspire him to be better, on the contrary, she accepted that he mistreated her, told him that he could cheat on her with other women, and she let him use her again and again. So for Tommy, he had no reason to change for the better, since he didn't want to, he wasn't interested, and in his life there were no people who inspired him or motivated him to improve. All the Shelbys in S5 were depressed, and they all had a life that did not make them happy. Lizzie had a lot of darkness but she had no light since her life was depressive, unlike Grace, she was able to find light in her life.

And May, it couldn't be called a relationship, neither of them felt anything deep for the other and they were very different, if they had started a relationship, they would have gotten bored, because neither of them really understood the other. May never understood Tommy's true darkness, and to love him, you have to love that part too. And only Grace did it, she accepted him, loved him and inspired him, that's why he saw only her as his equal, only her he loved, and only her he needed. And that's why he knows that he will never find someone like Grace, they will never replace her, and he will never find that happiness again in his life.

In short: Grace never, at any time, demanded that Tommy had to be a normal man, she never got frustrated because he wasn't, or because of his traumas. She met him that way, she understood why he was like that, and she fell in love with that Tommy. She saw that he could overcome the trauma, but always accompanied him, never making him feel guilty or frustrated every time he talked about the war. The complete opposite of how Lizzie acts with Tommy.

That's why I think Grace was what Tommy needed and what he wanted. She was perfect for him.

[imthepunchlord]

What's a show you liked that was really good, but the network it was on screwed it over and got it canceled? For me, it's Thundercats 2011 and The Secret Saturdays.

Oh man there's a good few.

Rise of the Teenage Mutant Turtles comes to mind. Thus far, it was my favorite adaptation of the concept. Animation was good, the brothers felt like actual brothers, and they made changes I genuinely liked. It was planned for 3 seasons, but unfortunately, we got a season and a half, as Nick canceled it mid s2 development, and they had to hurry to try and wrap up Rise with half a season.

You actually get to hear of some of the plans that we didn't get to see like Mikey taking care of his brothers turned into tots, Mikey and Raph crashing Ice Bear's wedding, and getting to discover who Big Mama's assistance was, who was potentially a lost sister; and we probably would've gotten expanded Draxum and Cassandra redemption, maybe an ep to show the backstory of how April met the turtles, probably more April-Cassandra eps as those two are usually paired together; and to see their take of the Rat King, who was set up to be worse than the Krangs and man, I don't know how they would've topped the Krangs. I am both scared and intrigued what they had in mind. But chances are good I'll never get to see.

Owl House is another. It was also planned for 3 seasons, but Disney said no, let's do 3 specials for season 3. And of course, after they realized how popular Owl House was but too late. I will say, for what they had to work with, they did do a really good job.

Amphibia sorta feels like another, I'm not sure if it actually was, but the last season feels like two seasons combined into one.

Inside Job. It's one of the very few adult animated shows I did like, I usually don't click with them as they're focused on drugs and sex and a lot jokes don't click with me; but that one I did actually enjoy... It may be that it had some wholesomeness to it, as a lot adult animated shows, from what I've seen, are really mean spirited. But IJ did have some really wholesome, solid friendship moments, that made it very refreshing. So RIP IJ. You got screwed.

Oh! Infinity Train is an easy stand out. That is one of the most intriguing, most mature, most complex, and most human cartoons I've ever seen. And it went super dark in it's concepts. And there were so many interesting ideas that the creator had, and at this time, those are ideas we won't see. It's a big shame that it got the most attention after it got removed from Max. This is probably next to Rise in seeing more seasons of, if we get the chance to get more.

Um... maaaaybe AtLA? That show was an easy stand out to have 4 seasons, especially as the whole thing is tied to 4 elements and 4 nations. I don't know if Nick was like, you need to stop at s3, or if Bryke was the one who was like stop at s3. And I will say, for the latter half of s3, some of the writing and characterization just feels off, though I did hear there was a lot of conflict between Bryke and the head writers, and that Bryke got involved more often so maybe that was it?

I know one of the head writers wanted s4 and had plans for it. And I will say, there are things I do think about that I wish I got to see in the show, but it never came up. These potentially could have if we had gotten 4 seasons.

Zuko and Toph having their own adventure.

Zuko and Soka having the same teacher of the blade and having a match to test their capability.

Just, in general, more of Zuko working off the Gaang.

Katara working off Suki, her potential future sister-in-law.

A resolution on Toph with her parents or at least her mom.

Covering the origins of the Avatar (especially as I disliked Korra's answer of it, and I lean not counting it as LoK has a different idea of spirits vs AtLA; so I wonder what AtLA would've said about it).

I also would've loved to see more spirits in general, s3 was lacking of them.

There's Ursa and her whereabouts, what I hear comic wise I don't like; so I wonder what AtLA's take and plan was.

Zuko reuniting with his crew from s1 (did they even survive Zhao's invasion?).

Zuko ever coming across the 41st Division, which I think is another big emotional missed opportunity, as him standing up for them is what "costed" him his honor, but just imagine them bowing to him in thanks, validating his stance as honorable, that he was right; that could've been huge for Zuko emotionally. Which, this is something I'll give to the NAtLA, having Zuko's crew be the 41st I thought was a really good choice.

I know the head writer had an idea for an Azula redemption, which I would've been open and intrigued to see, especially as he revealed it was going to be darker and harder than Zuko's, and Zuko would've taken what he learned from Iroh to help her, and supposedly end up an Azula who apologies often and over shares her feelings (which could end up being very funny).

I'm also bummed we never got to see Kuzon or Lu Ten (outside a drawing).

Oh! And seeing Aang and Ty Lee work off each other, especially as there's a possibility that Ty Lee is an AN descendant, given that she has gray eyes, moves quickly, and has an airy personality.

Which, if she is, that is a missed opportunity for Aang's emotional healing, the realization that he's not as alone as he thought. That there's another who shares his heritage. That could've been huge, could've been a tear jerker.

This is about it. There's probably more, but these are the stand outs to me that I feel got screwed over (or potentially screwed over).

[nalyra-dreaming]

'''Never make one as young as Armand''

He absolutely didn't listen to this one and it comes back to bite him.

Okay I need to read those books I thought I could skip and only watch the show but I feel like the show won't go in dept in some stories.

Oh yes, and he knows that he shouldn't have made Claudia! It's why he never blamed her for the attempt on his life either.

Was it inevitable that she who would never have a woman's form would strike out at the demon father who condemned her to the body of a little china doll? I should have listened to Marius's warning. I should have stopped for one moment to reflect on it as I stood on the edge of that grand and intoxicating experiment: to make a vampire of "the least of these. " I should have taken a deep breath. But you know, it was like playing the violin for Akasha. I wanted to do it. I wanted to see what would happen, I mean, with a beautiful little girl like that! Oh, Lestat, you deserve everything that ever happened to you. You'd better not die. You might actually go to hell. But why was it that for purely selfish reasons, I didn't listen to some of the advice given me? Why didn't I learn from any of them-Gabrielle, Armand, Marius? But then, I never have listened to anyone, really. Somehow or other, I never can. And I cannot say even now that I regret Claudia, that I wish I had never seen her, nor held her, nor whispered secrets to her, nor heard her laughter echoing through the shadowy gaslighted rooms of that all too human town house in which we moved amid the lacquered furniture and the darkening oil paintings and the brass flowerpots as living beings should. Claudia was my dark child, my love, evil of my evil. Claudia broke my heart. And on a warm sultry night in the spring of the year 1860, she rose up to settle the score. She enticed me, she trapped me, and she plunged a knife over and over again into my drugged and poisoned body, until almost every drop of the vampiric blood gushed out of me before my wounds had the precious few seconds in which to heal. I don't blame her. It was the sort of thing I might have done myself.

I... think the show will go in depth for some things still - but probably, for Lestat and Claudia for example, in s3. We are on POVs after all - which, btw, the books are as well. Some are Louis', a lot are Lestat's, some switch POVs. I think the show used that beautifully.

If you should sit down to read - enjoy! :) There's... everything and the kitchen sink in those books^^

[somedayillbepeterpan]

on today's rewatch: S3E7 [Joining of hands]

I haven't done a good job in putting out original content for the past few months and I blame my new job entirely 😂 It's so intense, it turns my brain into mush most days.

I'm 68% functional right now so if my ramblings don't make sense, I apologise.

Today, I am thinking of Colin's retreating back after he discovered the Pen was LW.

(Colouring this gif is so hard. It's so dark 😭 I wish I was better at this.)

I don't know why I'm locked in on Colin's back.

On him walking away.

On his coat billowing as it matches the force of his steps. I have a thing for people's footsteps or way of walking because I often think about how I walk and how it represents what I'm feeling at the moment. My many, many rewatches offered me the realisation that there isn't a lot of full body shots of Luke Newton for S1 and S2 nor are walking shots. If there are full body shots, he's with Nicola so your attention is split.

I read a meta somewhere that book!Colin canonically loves walking so much so that he would endure the rain to help clear his thoughts.

I always thought that this walk was more heartbroken than angry. He walked away because his heart was breaking into pieces. But I also think that he walked away because of his love for her.

I know that the last thing he says to Pen in this scene is that he will never forgive her but I also think that he was talking more to Lady Whistledown than to Pen because at this point, they are still separate in his mind.

Clearly, this walk is the hardest to understand and has been part of heated debates of what canonically would Colin really do (this being compared to the source material aka book!Colin). I don't want to broach that debate too much because I would've done the same as Colin (as someone who is an introverted demisexual empath who value the words that come out of my mouth and actions to take but often overthinks them). And these are mere ramblings of a Polin brainrotter.

Now, there are three significant full body walking shots of Colin in S3: Colin's entrance in E1 (the faux swagger), this retreating walk in the early part of E7 (the heartbreak), and the him trying to clear his thoughts in the latter part of the same episode (the drunk, angry yet pensive one).

This walk represents the war that Colin has fought so many times. When his emotions overtake him, he finds himself walking away. I say find because I don't think Colin was self-aware nor mature enough to understand why he walked away. It's why he traveled around, it's what happened to him with Marina, and what he almost did to Penelope. In my head, this very distinctly represents Colin's trauma about his dad's death. His emotions always get the better of him.

This is another thing that I appreciate about Colin and Penelope's relationship-- they helped each other grow. If Penelope didn't have the courage or honestly, the love, to confront Colin when he was about to walk away in the modiste scene, we wouldn't have known the root of Colin's emotional trauma. Of him feeling inadequate and abandoned/betrayed by the people he loves.

On a different side of this debate, this is what separates this relationship to all other relationships that Colin has in his life-- the depth of love and understanding that him and Pen have shared gave them the the power to get out of this situation much, much stronger.

(on a side note, writing this is making me so excited for s4 even though I want to tamper my expectations)

In conclusion, I didn't appreciate the words that came out of Colin's mouth. But on the other hand, I appreciated that he walked away and he didn't do what book!Colin did. While this scene was devastating to watch, I really really appreciate how Colin spent time understanding his emotions about the whole LW situation. I know we all wanted to tear his hair out by the end but love doesn't put a timeline on forgiveness. Nor does it paint a pretty picture.

But time does help in growing yourself better.

[zabala0z]

Okay. So. Hi. I’m your host who is rethinking life??? Or just thinking a lot right now, my brain got so much information. I would’ve posted sooner but I needed a couple hours to get my bearings yall ⛹️‍♀️ anyways! The final 4 episodes of TMA s2!!!

I’m not gonna do my usual format but to start with: I knew Elias was a bastard. I knew it, I CALLED IT. I mean it was pretty obvious but I’m just happy I figured it out. Although I’m very destroyed over the fact Sasha is definitely dead. Like I heard Dekker in MAG 78 and even then I was still in denial until Leitner said “yeah no she’s dead”

In MAG 79, I’m mostly pissed at Michael. Like the moment it put Tim and Martin through its creepy ass doors, I was just like full wheezing out of shock. I wheezed a lot today. Michael does not seem to know shit about humans too since it was like “I…I think it’s called a sport”. Love Michael but also stop being so cryptic oh my god. Also Not Sasha was low key horrifying. Like props to Michael and Not!Sashas voice actors because man I have never felt my muscles seize up like I did when hearing them.

Not Sasha mentioned like being sent to the house of its enemy that had the biggest eyes you ever saw. I thought the enemy was the institute but later I found out…no. Oh yeah! Mag 80! What the hell!

Jurgen Leitner being like “yeah my assistants kinda were killed a lot” like okay go supporting boss. I did not predict it was LEITNER who was living in the tunnels. It’s nice he worked with Gertrude though.

Also, these entities. Again, I was vaguely aware of some since their name was thrown around but I didn’t really realize the extent. Jon mentioned Michael and Leitner refers to it as “The Distortion” and that’s its part of “The Spiral”. AND THATS WHERE FRACTALS COME FROM. God.

Also, when Leitner and Elias are talking, Leitner talks about “the Stranger” and Elias asks what they call it which is “The Unknowing”. The last episode, Not Sasha says that Jon will miss the Unknowing but he wouldn’t understand so I’m assuming the replacement things fall under The Stranger

One final thing I noticed was that he mentioned his assistants getting killed on that day of the attack and all the ways they got killed or I dunno attacked, corresponds with different themes from other statements

“Stabbed through the throat by something with too many teeth and weird limbs”- the replacement things (The Stranger)

“Pulled into a cavernous maw that opened beneath her”- I think this is related to The Butchers Window where Jared Hopworth would throw bones down that pit with teeth

“Gregory Todd ran into a door that shouldn’t have been there”- Michael. What are you doing 💀 (The Spiral)

“A great hand reached down through the roof” -I actually don’t know. Thought it was Freefall but misremembered it.

“Pulled into a great, pulsating pile of meat”- literally every episode with a meat theme. (EDIT 9/2/24: this is related to MAG 18 actually!)

“Doors with darkness and doors on fire”- so the cult I think is related to the darkness but with the fire, I know that Burned Out and that statement with Agnes could be related

So I’m guessing every way an assistant like got killed is one of those entities. I know The Vast is somehow related because Michael Crew mentioned that name before throwing himself out the window and then like changing. Guess he’s like a servant now or something?

Oh god that’s most of it. I’m wondering where Jon is now and I hope Tim and Martin don’t like fully believe he murdered a man. Also I swear to god, Elias, if I catch you. Like Leitner was not a super good guy but come on. I’m glad Not Sasha is gone but…my OG girl 😔😔😔

if you got this far in reading me descend down into my little obsession thank you 🫶🫶🫶 like all this is for fun but everyone I talked to in this fandom is so chill and doesn’t try to spoil which is nice. As someone who was in crazy fandoms, this is pretty calm for such a horrifying media. I’ll probably continue these posts for s3 but I’ll try to condense it I swear guys.

[tangledbea]

As heartwarming as the epilogue is, It does encapsulate a problem I have with the show: it’s that it has these big payoffs that are usually satisfactory in the moment, but had very little build up

Rapunzel becoming a good queen?: On paper that is extremely fitting. But here’s the thing: other than other characters mentioning that she was gonna become queen, we never actually got to see Rapunzel realizing just how big of a responsibility that is, and the process of her learning what it means to be a good ruler. There’s bits and pieces of it (Great Tree, the painting episode, etc) but it never really sticks

Eugene becoming captain of the guards?: Where did that even come from?! Honestly, it felt like the writers didn’t really know what to do with him. The closest we got to an arc for him was the Dark Kingdom, but that gets kinda forgotten about, and doesn’t affect his character all that much.

Cassandra going off to find a path that’ll make her truly happy?: Again, conceptually fitting, but it wasn’t properly fleshed out or set up because for 99% of the season Cass whined about Gothel and like 5 other things that barely related

Varian reconciling with and feeling validated his dad?: Well Qurin wrote this letter back in “Queen for a Day”, shortly before getting trapped in the amber, and it was stated to have been something very important. But come season 3 it turns out the letter just says “I proud of U :)” , and all the baggage is instantly resolved, Varian is a okay now, yipeeeeee-. Like nice sentiment but we were promised more.

To be fair, I'm not at all positive that Rapunzel is supposed to be the queen at the end of the series. Her accepting the crown means she's officially ready to officially have the responsibility she's been carrying out for the entire season.

But when you look at the finale scene, Frederic and Arianna are still wearing their crowns.

But when you see them being casual (not "on the clock" as it were) they don't wear them. So, I don't think Rapunzel is meant to be queen in the epilogue, just officially ready to take on all responsibilities of Crown Princess.

I was never too fond of Eugene becoming Captain. It's sort of... the "natural" conclusion of "Fitzherbert P.I.," where he's shown not being a fit for the guard. Over the course of the series, he becomes more responsible, more reliable, and moreover, he's Rapunzel's #1 defender. I still don't like him as Captain, though, and I personally headcanon that he only keeps it up for a couple years, tops, before turning the guard over to Maximus. After all, the movie's epilogue implies that Max is the one who keeps the kingdom crime-free, and that Eugene has nothing to do with it.

Cassandra actually spent most of the series dissatisfied with her lot in life, and "Beginnings" even shows that she's not happy in Corona and would rather be somewhere else. Besides, I headcanon that she was soft-banished for taking Corona over. That's why she wasn't expected to help clean up the mess she made; because Rapunzel very lovingly told her she had to go and wasn't welcome there anymore.

As for Varian, his plot resolved at the beginning of S2. I know a lot of people really would have liked to see more with him and Quirin, but that wasn't a loose end for me. What little we saw of them showed that they were getting along better and making an effort to be a part of each other's lives. But while Varian achieved main character status, in actually, he's physically in 15 of 60 episodes (including the pilot), and two of those episodes ("Not In the Mood" and "King and Queen of Hearts") he's barely in them, so it's more like 13 episodes, which is less than 22% (21.66666666 etc%) of the series. Then he has his imaginary cameo in "Happiness Is..." So as much as people love him, he's not actually a major part of the overall series plot, in general, and his presence in S3 is more about how he now gets along with the gang than his dad. That's not really a flaw of the series, IMO.

[rebornrosess]

going to be terrifyingly sincere about greg for a moment here sorry but the dynamics between greg, logan & ewan are so fascinating to me and even if they can’t explicitly explore it anymore due to obvious reasons, this one short sequence from the funeral is soo catered to me specifically. even in death, logan overshadows ewan in greg’s eyes. and yet greg didn’t need to tell ewan that he gave a good speech. he could’ve given him the cold shoulder after he cost him his deal with roman. but he doesn’t. and either greg is in too deep that he doesn’t realize what ewan said about logan closing men’s hearts and feeding the dark, hard, mean, hard-relenting flame in them (that melts their wax wings in the end) was most likely pointedly directed at him (thus proving his point)—or maybe greg did a little bit. he still goes to mencken at the wake but he still tells his grandpa he did a good job. it was a good hard take that he gave.

i think of this a lot but something that truly sets him apart from everyone else is that HE’S at the intersection of the brothers’ decade old feud over family, betrayal, ambition, integrity, and greed—central themes of the show but also, crucially, to his arc over the last few seasons. he has that dual connection to the past that the others don’t. a past that has stayed nebulous for so long until ewan’s eulogy. in previous seasons, we’ve gotten some really interesting scenes with him in which ewan sees the danger of power and ambition for greg because he’s seen it in logan, but it would have been so interesting to explore it more between greg and logan too (like in 2x08 when greg tells logan ewan is cutting him out of the will. i like you greg). i do think that ewan’s point about logan and masculinity and meagerness in his eulogy is particularly relevant though. maybe ewan was saying “men” in the way old history books use “man” as the default, but the performance of masculinity at ATN is one best embodied by tom, which trickles down to greg, but is evidently shown in roman too. and he fed a certain kind of meagerness in men. perhaps he had to. because he had a meagerness about him. (and maybe i do about me too. i don’t know. i try. i try.) i selfishly wish greg and logan could have had more than just one scene together this season (even though logan attempting to emasculate greg by pointing out his lack of a traditionally masculine father figure as a final interaction is very funny). i don’t think my threshold for second-hand embarrassment could have survived an on-camera take of greg trying to explain the whole rummaging situation from ep.1 to logan but logan being oddly chill about it is. interesting???????? what greg wants, greg must have.

but before s4 at least, logan’s awareness of greg’s connection to ewan, his estranged brother, has informed their interactions and it’s always fascinated me because logan doesn’t quite treat greg like his own kid but he’s still a kid that he’s trying to win over by being “uncle fun” rather than “grandpa grumps.” logan last saw his mother at age 4 and greg has been on his own for some time now too. marianne made her first appearance since the PILOT in the before last episode of the fourth season. i’ve found his interactions with ewan reaaally interesting because the brothers didn’t come from wealth and, when compared to the siblings, greg didn’t either. the hirsch’s financial situation is never fully delved into but i’ve always found it a bit peculiar given greg’s inheritance is like. 250 mil he’s sleeping in a youth hostel and a chapel in s1 and tells his mom while on his flip phone that shiv took his last $20. at the beginning of s3 he’s helping his mom get a new credit card because she maxed out the last one. i feel like ewan did the celebrity parents thing where they don’t spoil their kids so they learn real world skills or something, which iirc is something logan regrets not doing. yet ewan also seems to regret his use of his wealth, which he voices in his eulogy when he states maybe he has a meagerness about himself too, but he tries, and is disappointed in men who do not try harder (and the camera pans to the siblings. ouch.) i sometimes wonder if ewan hadn’t withheld his wealth, would his daughter and grandson have become so desperate that they turned to his brother? or would they have turned out like the siblings too if they had enjoyed wealth since birth? are the throes of capitalism inevitable? marianne is the sibs’ first cousin but they never really acknowledge that. if anyone has thoughts on her absence and/or exclusion from the family tree, i’d love to hear them.

anyways. i could 100% be overanalyzing this but i do love how much information succession packs into each of their shots. greg will forever be seeking approval from both sides of a broken brotherhood and will never receive it from either. you beautiful ichabod crane fuck you. what greg wants, greg must have. i don’t want to see you hurt. one big happy family. “greg?” he’s an addendum of miscellaneous matters in pencil with a question mark.

[suttttton]

Oh gosh, so i just read your jonelias fic, the soulmate name one where Jon has Jonah magnus on his arm and he's all lonely. Boy did this entirely rewrite my brain actually. So i thought i'd ask, do you pretty please have some crumbs of how you think the story could wrap up? Like would elias try to woo jon? Would jon refuse him because, jonah magnus? Do you think the gang would find out about the whole body hopping thing at the same time as in canon or before, because jonah just drops the ball?

Also, maybe i just have piss poor reading comprehension (i kind of do tbh) but why did jon stop talking to the portraits after leitner's death? Did he just go like, oh that's creepy elias might be watching actually. Also i'm wondering what the tim&jon argument was about... Oh, them being trapped here because of jonah magnus himself? I guess that would explain it. Generally any tidbits of information you'll be willing to share, i want to hear it all i love this fic so much it's so good.

Would Elias in this au be more gentle and less willing to throw jon at every horror ever? Or is it sad toxic yaoi?

Sorry for rambling uwu ahah

(For anyone who doesn't know, this is the fic in question.)

I'm so sorry it's taken me 60+ business days to respond to you! This ask inspired me to write a little bit past the ending, which took some time, and then I got my job at puppy kindergarten and completely forgot about until.

UNTIL just now when I found it in my drafts, SO part of that is at the end of this answer under the cut.

To answer your other questions: Jon stops talking to the portraits because he finds out that Jonah Magnus was a Bad Person. Jon has been imagining Jonah as a character something like Gerry, burning the Leitner books and protecting people. After he talks to Leitner, he knows that Jonah was,,,,,,,,,,,, not that.

As for Tim and Jon's argument, I think during that s3 era of canon, they get into a lot of fights that basically boil down to "Tim is very angry that they're trapped here and Sasha is dead and Danny is dead, and Jon is his only available target." And in this world they have the added twist that Jon has been metaphysically assigned to The Evil Guy Who Started It All, which,,,,, does not help.

Thanks for your ask! I really like this story and it's been really fun thinking about it further.

EPILOGUISH:

The moment hangs suspended, Jon's eyes on the floor, Elias' locked on his own name scribed on Jon's skinny wrist like an accusation. His head spins with a rush of emotion, nothing he is prepared for, nothing he ever expected to feel again.

Then Jon's gaze flickers to his wrist, registers the alien colour, and his eyes widen and he jerks his hand away, shattering the silence. Jon cradles his wrist like it hurts, staring at it with his mouth slightly open.

Elias braces himself for Jon's gaze to come back to him, to look into his grey eyes and realize that they are far too old for his face, for him to make the connection. A moment passes, then another, and Jon just stares at his wrist, one of the immutable columns of his life suddenly upended.

Elias skims his mind, curious, and he has to stifle the urge to laugh.

Jon is thinking, with a racing mania that borders on panic, about ghosts.

Elias feels an enormous rush of tenderness towards him.

"I don't understand," Jon says finally, quietly. More to himself than to Elias. "This--this can't--"

Elias decides to twist the knife. "Perhaps our founder is pleased that you've aligned yourself with his god."

That gets Jon's attention, and he looks at Elias with fear in his eyes. Yes, yes, this is what has so thoroughly captured Elias' attentions these pasts few months. The way Jon's mind stutters and slips, trying to find purchase on his panic-smoothed thoughts. The way his eyes widen, showing off the lovely darkness of his eyes. The way he trembles and hates himself for it, his tight grip holding his control close.

Jon goes, and Elias' eyes follow him. He sits down behind his desk and smiles.

***

Jon doesn't register what Elias says to dismiss him. He simply rolls his sleeves down and returns to the Archives, avoiding his assistants like a man hunted. He sits down at his desk and his sleeve rides up his arm, revealing the accusingly black edges of his soul mark.

So he gets up and puts on his coat, the thicker sleeves making him feel more thoroughly covered, more protected from prying eyes. He sits down again and tries to relax, tries to turn his mind back to the research that so desperately needs to be done, the end of the world at stake--

His mind keeps wandering, imagining one of the others coming in and demanding to inspect his soul mark.

Never mind that no one has ever done that, that no one would ever do that. He can too clearly imagine what the reaction would be, if any of the others found out what has happened. Bad enough to have the name scrawled on his wrist; to have the bond suddenly, impossibly accepted? What ideas would the others draw from that? What conclusions could they possibly come to?

What if Tim saw it?

What if Daisy saw it?

What does it mean?

He gets up again and leaves the Archives, not sure where he's going, just sure that he needs to move. His mind is racing, and he clutches at his wrist like it hurts. Nothing makes sense, anymore, not that it was making much sense to begin with.

Nevertheless, the shock is familiar. All of it is a plunging from stability into cold loneliness, all of it terrifying. He doesn't want Jonah Magnus to accept the bond. He doesn't want Jonah Magnus to be a willing servant of evil. He doesn't want his soulmark to be grey and unnerving. He doesn't want any of this.

His wandering takes him past a portrait of Jonah because it's his Institute, and they are unavoidable. Jon has been trying to avoid their gaze since he returned from his Elias-caused exile, but now he stops. He studies the face that he knows so well, that is as familiar to him as any of his flesh-and-blood acquaintances.

He shivers.

[fate-motif]

i’ll finish this little detour into hell i took by making a crusher brothers fic with a retrospective.

so jack crusher jr. has all the hallmarks of a mary sue. he’s a handsome, cheeky, scrappy, english pretty boy, the children of two beloved characters for the franchise, who’s also inherited some gnarly dark side powers that reveal deep emotional wounds within. he ends up nearly dooming the franchise, causing millions of deaths, and not only does he not face consequences, we’re implicitly told his parents greased the wheels for him to move up the ladder until in one year he’s made to ensign on the federation flagship. opinion’s pretty split on him, from what i can see. it depends on whether or not you liked the season. if you didn’t, especially because you could saw it as a pretty lame attempt at glorifying the good old days, chances are you think jack fucking sucks. that’s me, actually. i think jack fucking sucks. which is interesting, because i didn’t hate him at first. but let’s leave jack aside for the moment.

wesley crusher also has all the hallmarks of a mary sue. he’s a handsome, sweet, lovable pretty boy, a child genius who gets to have unwarranted access to work on a starship for no reason except that the captain is close friends with his mother and they have it on good authority that wesley is super special and needs to be nurtured. his antics were not as catastrophic as jack’s, partly because tng was formulated more like a motw episodic scenario, but several times, wesley makes mistakes that endanger the people around him and he just gets a pass, and still gets to apply to starfleet like his mixed record on enterprise wouldn’t be a red mark against him. opinion’s pretty split on him, too, nowadays. it depends on whether or not you watched the show in real time or maybe growing up, and you had to suffer the writers get the most interesting ideas about him wrong over and over again. but i’ve seen a trend in a lot of younger fans that wesley’s not that bad. usually, propping themselves up with some of his best episodes across seven seasons and with empathy for a child character. time’s been kind to wesley.

what’s to say time isn’t going to be kind to jack? elaboration under the cut.

i can’t know that. a lot of reappraisals for fictional characters stem from social forces beyond our ability to foresee, and in wesley’s case i think it’s very relevant to talk about how commonplace gifted kid burnout has become. there’s also the infinitesimal chance that future star trek projects will include jack and portray him outside of the glowing light of nostalgia that picard s3 showered him with.

i think the difference is that wesley had a lot of opportunities to show his depth. not all of them were taken, but some of them were. like, the first duty is one of tng’s most beloved episodes. jack had one plotline, whose vision i distinctly disagree with (no, the world will not be saved by enshrining the past and idolizing the old), and whose execution threw so many other beloved characters under the bus.

i don’t want star trek legacy for many reasons, and even against my interest to see jack crusher become a more well-rounded character that took advantage of many questions that could be asked from the setup of who he is. but if jack crusher appears again, hopefully not as a main character, i won’t be against it. i’ve demonstrated that there’s potential in him to follow through with. it just requires creative writers that can be objective about the lived experiences of characters from all walks of life, and who aren’t following an agenda of trying to put the past on a pedestal. star trek is in short supply of those, but they’ve been seen. in lower decks, in prodigy. not holding my breath about it, though.

[neros-very-first-fiddle]

BEE’S TOP 20 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER EPISODES EVER:

20. S4 E1, The Freshman

Sunday and her gang are just so much fun to watch. I wish there were more fun vampire stoner-types in the show. I love the whole college allegory with Giles leaving Buffy to figure things out on her own. especially showing how she goes from being scared to realizing she does actually have the power to survive without an adult watching over her. Also I think about the klimt poster game every time I see a college dorm now.

19. S1 E9, The Puppet Show

The first (and only?) Buffy episode to ever genuinely scare me. I watched it late at night, alone in my room in the dark when no one else was awake. I don’t fuck with doll horror movies. The puppet skittering about Buffy’s room made me tremble. Also I just love anything theatre related and watching Giles very poorly do a magic circle was fun. And! Framing Snyder as a villain was such a good choice. And I think about him saying “I don’t get it” at the end of the ep a lot. Just really fun in general.

18. S1 E12, Prophecy Girl

“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.” Her outfit is iconic. Her reaction to finding out she’s going to die is heartbreaking and realistic. I love that Xander is the one to revive her, forever cementing him as one of Buffy’s best friends and a crucial part of the gang.

17. S3 E20, The Prom

The class protector award will always make me tear up, like fuck. people in a town that actively ignores the horrors acknowledged that Buffy was keeping them safe from the horrors. she deserved that moment so much.

16. S3 E13, The Zeppo

I am a Xander apologist and I’m not afraid to say it. This episode is so fucking funny. I love getting to see what goes on in the background of every Buffy episode. I think it adds so much more to Xander’s character to know that he gets left out of the main plot and has his own wacky adventures that he doesn’t talk or brag about. He is the epitome of Just A Guy. He knows he isn’t like Buffy and the rest of the scoobies, but he also knows he can be just as brave as them. The moment where he’s in the basement and smiling about the bomb about to go off, “I like the quiet,” shakes me so much. Iconic.

15. S2 E6, Halloween

Ethan Rayne’s first appearance! I love how kitschy it feels. willow’s costume is gorgeous.

14. S6 E16, Hell’s Bells

Jesus fucking christ. The portrayal of dysfunctional families is just spot on. Anya looks stunning the entire time. Xander choosing to walk out because he loves Anya too much to even risk following in his family’s footsteps and abusing her is so heartbreakingly real. Is Xander in the wrong for ever letting their relationship get this far when he had doubts? ABSOLUTELY. Also the scene when Anya walks down the aisle crying makes me want to sob, it’s such a perfect shot. Ughh

13. S6 E8, Tabula Rasa

fun amnesia episode! I love seeing what’s inside the characters when they don’t remember anything about themselves. the loan shark bit is so stupid and funny. Giles and Spike having a father/son relationship is perfect. “RANDY GILES??!?? might as well call me desperate for a shag Giles.” also “a vampire with a soul? God, how lame is that?”

12. S4 E12, A New Man

This was the first Buffy episode I ever saw! Caught it on tv and fell in love. I remember watching willow and tara float the rose and thinking “gay.” Then I saw Giles and ethan laugh together over drinks after he, like pinned Ethan down in a crypt and I thought “gay.” And you know what, I was right on both fronts. Also spike crashing the car is so funny.

11. S2 E7, Lie To Me

Everyone talks about wanting to see more of ford, and we get to see more of the main girl, but all I want is Diego/marvin content. I love his stupid sparkly blue cape. I also love how Buffy reacts to finding out ford has cancer; “I’ll kill you myself.” Being in a horrible situation doesn’t excuse the horrible crime you’re about to commit! He’s just a very well written character

10. S7 E15, Get It Done

After watching this, I had to lie down for a moment because it was so much and I cried (which I rarely do with tv shows). The origins of the slayer just fucking wrecked me. The first slayer was just a girl who was violated and used.

9. S2 E22, Becoming pt. 2

Genuinely just one of the best season finales of all time. They perfectly took away everything Buffy had and brought her to the point of no return. The part when Angel asks her “what’s left?” before attempting to stab her with the sword, but Buffy shuts her eyes and perfectly catches it and says “me” is the most breathtaking, iconic scene ever. Gut wrenching and absolutely devastating.

8. S7 E7, Conversations With Dead People

Willow’s conversation with Cassie is so jarring. Buffy’s conversation is so so great and fun. Also “mommy’s milk is red today” is such an INSANE thing to write.

7. S2 E19, I Only Have Eyes For You

I love the concept that a haunting is just a house re-enacting a terrible night over and over again to try and understand what happened to it. This is extremely similar. Just a guy replaying his greatest and final mistake in an attempt to gain forgiveness, to somehow make everything turn out all right because he can’t live or die with that guilt. And the connection to Buffy and Angel’s relationship is just the cherry on top.

6. S2 E17, Passion

I’m a sucker for Angel’s monologue in this one. The scene where he kills Jenny is just, so. Her death perfectly shows how serious things have gotten. All the fun and games are over. Having Giles find her in his bed is absolutely sickening, but I love how they set up the fact that Giles has never seen Angel’s letters until then, he isn’t aware that’s the paper and handwriting from Angel and not Jenny. Also the shot where Willow and Buffy find out that she’s dead is great. I love that we see it from outside the house, looking in.

5. S4 E10, Hush

Astonishing that one of the greatest episodes has extremely little dialogue. the end from Riley’s perspective is just that his girlfriend screamed and the heads of these demons exploded… did he think she had like a banshee scream ability?? I would’ve. Giles’ drawings are so fun

4. S5 E7, Fool for Love

“I’ve always been bad” -jump cut to spike writing bad poetry. I love the little detail that Halfrek was the girl who turned down spike in 1880. The entire subway scene is perfect. Every slayer has a death wish. Buffy saying “you’re beneath me” is so perfectly cruel, and throwing the money is too. the end with spike going to kill Buffy then seeing her upset and comforting her is just a perfect picture of their entire relationship.

3. S4 E22, Restless

“Props?” “No.” “Props?” “YES!” Death of a salesman should have a cowboy in it, actually. Spike selling himself out as an attraction is so believable. like yeah, he would love to be photographed all the time by admirers.

2. S5 E16, The Body

One of the best portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen.

1. S6 E7, Once More With Feeling

Duh. I rewatch this episode A LOT. Anya and Xander’s song gets stuck in my head pretty regularly. I listen to the music on spotify. Hinton Battle kills. I recently watched this with my friend who does ballet and she said Dawn’s dance was really good! BROADWAY LEGEND HINTON BATTLE!!! Spike and Buffy’s kiss at the end is so perfectly built up and executed. Just an absolute masterpiece.

[buckybarnesss]

“Scott’s awareness of the Stiles and Derek thing is interesting to dissect” hi yes please do!

I find him a bit hard to read when it comes to this tbh. Scott seems aware that Something is going on throughout season 3. He always seems shocked to realize that they get along better, even though Scott is usually faster at trusting people than Stiles. (I wouldn’t be surprised if Derek/Scott’s issues early on are the source of this bewilderment.)

I genuinely can’t tell if/when Scott might have realized that their bond was more than platonic. Like he has so much “right in front of my salad?” energy that he must have noticed Stiles’s attraction at the very least, right? Was it Derek’s leaving in the s4 finale that made Scott realize that Stiles’s feelings were actually romantic? He seems very aware in s5 that Derek is a Sore Spot for Stiles.

Jeffrey-boy seems to have taken the whole “show, don’t tell” thing a little too literally here.

the thing about scott is he's really, really good at denial. especially self-denial. combining his world class levels of denial he also has multiple hang up about derek that he has a hard time letting go of and he has a specific way he perceives stiles (which is part of the mess in s5).

like he sees but he's also stuffing his fingers in his ears about it because derek and stiles being derek-n-stiles doesn't line up with what he expects from either of them.

scott also has the dubious privilege of being there from the beginning. it was just the three of them at the start of this whole fiasco.

there's hints but scott doesn't really get to see the big stiles and derek development in season 1so while he seems to kind of pick up on stiles possibly being attracted to derek because i mean look at this.

he's mostly seeing stiles being annoyed and angry but he isn't necessarily reading the deeper reasons for it because he's not privy to it.

than season 3 happens.

things shift in s3 when he realizes that he and stiles are not at all on the same page about derek. stiles has been spending time with derek outside of his knowledge for months and they're friendly.

Top 10 Anime Betrayals in Tattoo.

and than his reaction to derek and stiles messing around in the next episode. peter's entirely unsurprised and amused by this which just hints at stiles getting derek to be playful isn't new to him but for scott this is Huge. This is world altering for scott.

stiles becoming friendly with derek is one of the reasons scott's perception and trust of derek begins to shift into moving past his anger and resentment that was present in s1 and 2.

i know people say scott doesn't trust stiles and that's a whole thing to unpack and i'd have to rewatch 5a to parse it entirely but scott does trust stiles. while stiles is often right he also as often doesn't have the proof to back up his intuition in the moment.

scott is also way more scared that stiles isn't himself after the nogitune. he can see stiles spiraling and after derek leaves stiles becomes even more paranoid and irritable. almost as if stiles lost an anchor. which scott just went through himself with allison's death.

at the end of s4 this look is layered

he's terrified of losing stiles the same way stiles is afraid of losing him. it creates a weird feedback loop where that very thing happens because of their fears are exploited by theo. stiles and scott are so scared to lose each other and depend on seeing each other a particular way because of the roles they've assigned themselves they don't communicate properly.

stiles and scott are incredibly dysfunctional kids from different kinds of broken homes. it's important to remember that when dissecting their friendship.

the benefit of a doubt scene in season 5 says scott fucking noticed because his starting overture at trying to convince stiles about giving theo the benefit of a doubt is derek.

(theo is a hybrid peter-derek which is funny but he's also a dark mirror of stiles in a lot of ways. it's partly why scott is drawn to him.)

it's a calculated move on scott's part to bring up derek to appeal to stiles's emotions over his logic but he also is aware that he needs to tread fucking lightly here. the subject of derek is a double edged sword.

also scott witnessed derek's whole ass everything in 3B even if he was distracted. he knew derek would help look for stiles and protect him without a question.

i think scott figured out there was something going on in 3A and by 5A he knew it was something stiles was incredibly fucked up over but he wasn't the one that could fix it.