#i know only 3 people will see this rn but still!!
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petnames headcanons .ᐟ.ᐟ
modernworld!attack on titan x fem!reader
including: eren, armin, levi, hange, erwin, jean, mikasa, connie & sasha
warnings: NSFW! minors do not interact; not proofread,,, as always, pretty self indulgent oops
likes & reblogs appreciated<3
masterlist
𐙚EREN.
★i have this fb image about him in my head that i just can't get rid of
★...... babygirl
★but hear me out
★most of the times when he has NO idea what you're on about or he's trying to tease u
★uses it mostly while texting tho!
★"that's literally insane bbg"
★he's so UGHH
★always greets u with babe
★he'd definitely use ur name as well but he loves loves petnames
★sugar, pretty girl, u name it
★thinks they're so cute
★when ur asking something of him or like giving him shit he'd hit u with a
★"sure, ma"
★and idk about u but that's kinda hot
NSFW.
★so so basic but he loves calling you baby during sex, even though he calls u that all the time
★i think he'd use such teasing words and soft n sweet petnames just fit so well with that
★"oh, now you're listening, baby?"
★"c'mon, pretty, you were all mouthy earlier, tell me."
★says ur name only when he cums :)
★and the usual good girl when ur finished
★c'mon we been knew
──────────୨ৎ───────────
𐙚ARMIN.
★love
★LOVE
★just love man he's so so loving in his words he wouldn't ever call you anything degrading
★"sure, angel, i'll get right to it."
★but most likely when texting??
★perhaps he's too shy to call u anything but your name in public but he's trying i promise
★also the type to call u something only the both of you would know the reason behind; something no one else would know why he'd call u that
NSFW.
★oh my sweet boy
★i am a sub armin believer, but more on the switchy side so he could definitely dom if he feels confident enough in the relationship
★"please, angel, let me cum"
★with that subtle manipulative tone barely noticeable because of his oh so gentle words
★"i know, darling, just a bit more, please?"
★also loveeees moaning your name and hearing YOU say his name cuz he feels more connected this way
★,,,sighs dreamily
𐙚LEVI.
★this little bloke
★refuses to call u anything but ur name in public like,,,, if there's other people, he's using your name there's no way around it
★except for the infamous brat of course (i'm bumping that)
★,,i'm not telling you again, brat."
★in the comfort of ur living space, where it's just the two of you, he might throw in something cute if he's in a particularly soft mood
★"Already did the dishes, love, go lay down."
★pretty confident when he's texting tho, but simply cuz the words sound too foreign coming out of his mouth
★"Sure, Sweetheart. See you at home."
NSFW.
★dom levi defender for life u can haunt me down idc i stand by this
★once he feels comfortable and secure enough in ur relationship, certain you won't run off, he'd definitely lose the no-feelings-attitude and become more playful and daring
★"hands above your head, doll, i'm not telling you again."
★he can be pretty mean and unfair ,,,
★just.... u need to give him what he wants before he gives u what you want u feel me
★"beg"
★-"please."
★"like a good girl."
★not opposed to throwing in the brat again if ur pissing him off
★i'd gladly piss him off
★gnawing at the bars of my enclosure rn
𐙚HANGE.
★AAAAA A A A AAAAAAA
★"darling, i'm almost done."
★i would go to war for hange pls someone hold my hand
★now i think they're not entirely intrigued by pet names but some do slip out when they're feeling soft or they're in a silly mood
★once hange stalked the internet for too long and found "the cuppycake song" and started calling u stuff like my snoogums boogums or hunny bunch to get on ur nerves
★when noticing you're down or not in the best mood they use comforting ones tho
★"you okay, dear?"
★texts usually with the basic babe cuz they think it's short and still comes across as endearing, right?
NSFW.
★ugh
★"legs spread, sweet thing."
★ hange's a switch me thinks but with a preference for dominating??? idk why i'm even talking about this but y'all need to get the idea
★"did i tell you to move, pretty girl?"
★ugh pt.2
★when feeling subby they'd mostly use ur name tho ??
★or a teasing "yes, ma'am" to get u even more worked up (if u weren't already)
𐙚ERWIN.
★mr.smith my god
★he's so sweetheart coded fuck off
★and always puts "my" infront of pet names to insure people know u belong together
★doesn't matter if ur married or not
★"i'm just finishing up work, my love."
★if he talks with someone else about you it'd be either "my lady" or "my wife"
★he's oh so respectful when he talks about u i'm going insane
★texting would be the same tbh
NSFW.
★ahem
★"there you go, sweet girl. that's it."
★HE'S JUST SO-
★like he loves ur name too don't get me wrong but once he knows how much u love hearing him say those things it'll be hard to get him to stop
★"let me hear you, angel."
★makes u feel so much with his words and soft voice i hate it here
★erwin smith the man u are
𐙚JEAN.
★"hey, good lookin', how's it going?"
★doesn't reaaalllyyy call u much aside from babe in public, cuz he's a bit more private about showing his love
★not afraid to step up and make it known you're with him tho
★"yeah, my girl's not interested, thank you."
★during texting too like
★almost same as armin in personal pet names like,,,, idk
★u got an embarrassing haircut ONCE he's not letting it go
★"sure, bowl cut, i'll be there soon."
★i mean it's endearing come oooonn
NSFW.
★"you're so good to me, beautiful."
★i'm almost convinced he's all about praising words and names in bed (can u tell i don't like degradation oops)
★making u feel so good about urself cuz that's exactly what he wants
★also something along the lines of
★"go on, pretty thing, i got you."
★such a charmer
★i want 14 of him rn
𐙚MIKASA.
★step back ladies, i got this 🫷🏼😌🫸🏼
★in all seriousness, mommikasa's pretty light on the petnames imo
★she's a softy at heart tho, so she'll definitely call u sumn along the lines of love or sweets
★mostly in the comfort of ur 4 walls tho !!
★such huge emphasis on my GIRLFRIEND when introducing you to someone or talking about u
★wants the people to KNOW you're hers.
★she don't play about u
NSFW.
★lord have mercy
★pretty pretty girl is a force to be reckoned with
★"yeah, gorgeous, you like that?" in her soft voice with that devilish undertone
★settling for the basic baby most of the time tho, cuz it rolls off her tongue so easily when she's with u
★if you're being good, she'll let you know with sumn like "that's my girl." or "you're my pretty girl, yes?"
★again
★BIG👏🏻EMPHASIS👏🏻on the "my" part
𐙚CONNIE.
★this douche is all in always everywhere
★literally only calls u shit because he loves messing with u
★it's his form of affection i promise
★"ey, smelly, come here."
★genuinely, he's so weird
★"pookie, i didn't mean it."
★when ur pissed at something he said
★but he CAN be sweet obviously but only ever with calling you baby
★he's one of the girls when he's texting you like
★"omg bestie tell me"
★or
★"dpwm girl"
★he's so dry but uses memes to even it out
★i adore him actually
NSFW.
★"i told you, beautiful, no touching."
★he's actually really sweet during sex i promise he's not always a dick
★he DOES love u and he's not afraid to show/tell u with touching u in the right places AND with his words
★"keep going, ma."
★also baby baby baby so much baby UGH
★constance springer in my bed this instant
𐙚SASHA.
★mrs.potato girl def calls u anything and i mean anything related to the thing she loves most
★food.
★sugar, pumpkin or cupcake
★she loves food and she loves you so how could she not :(
★i fear sasha forgets ur name sometimes cuz it's so natural for her to call u sweet nicknames instead
★it's pretty much her love language
★as well for pda but that's a topic for another day cuz i will not STOP once i start
★"hey, girlie" when greeting u in a high pitched voice like,,, she's so easy to love bro
★also definitely gorgeous. ure her gorgeous girl.
NSFW.
★pillow princess sasha confirmed👑
★no i mean she can definitely take the lead, there's not really a fixed power dynamic when ur with her, but i feel she most times prefers being taken care of (as she SHOULD)
★main thing she'll call u during the nasty is baby
★depends on what ure into but she's definitely into addressing u as "ma'am"
★also princess :(
★uses ur name more during sex tho!!
★feels it's more intimate and personal that way
★i want to EAT her
a/n: hope y'all enjoyed this veRY self indulgent lil thing aaaand i'll see u beans next time! uuuhbye bye xx
#attack on titan#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan fanfiction#aot#aot x reader#aot fanfiction#aot eren#aot levi#levi ackerman#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#eren jaeger#eren yeager#eren jaeger x reader#eren yaeger x reader#armin arlert#armin arlet x reader#armin aot#erwin smith#erwin x reader#erwin smith x reader#jean kirstein#jean kirstein x reader#connie springer x reader#connie x reader#sasha braus x reader#mikasa x reader#mikasa ackerman x reader#eren x reader#aot smut
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: ̗̀➛ just wanted to say tysm for 100 likes on my first writing post!! more stuff is on the way ^^
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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3
#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3#im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back#when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle#to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one#and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl.#but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers#like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were#over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though#i dont think they work anymore lol#also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf#ty <3
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Boatem Circus.... Thoughts cycling through my head about your Wonderful au. These thoughts might not make sense but. You're cool!
I think what breaks me the most (at this moment) /pos is that Scar, when he built up the circus with his own two hands, after coming from wherever he had come from, had to teach himself how to bring salvation to others. How to show others safety and warmth and show them that things would be okay. He had to teach himself first how to take care of others. And then after elegy he realizes that everything he taught himself can be like- applied to him, too, because he's not alone anymore and the others are gonna show him and teach him and save him and it's so 🥹 love. Found family. Yummy.
(Also while I'm here 👉👈, am I allowed to ask who the very first person to join Scar's circus was or is that like spoilers-?) hope you have a lovely night and day
boatem circus!! 💕
you are so very right about scar. he didn't have other people show him kindness, but he still decided to extend it to others. he had to learn, and by doing so, he wasn't even aware he's teaching the others too!
and gosh when they turn it around on him 🥺 my heart.
found family!!! i love boatem circus crew found family so so so much.
you are allowed to ask! it's not a secret or a spoiler or anything! it just genuinely wasn't something i had figured out, but your question prompted me to go bug stiff and i think we got it now :3c ...
the order in which people joined the circus*:
scar > impulse > gem > jimmy > ren > pearl > cleo & doc (separately but at around the same time) > mumbo > joel > grian > [events of elegy] > skizz > tango > ???
... so. impulse. our beloved impulse was first.
he was running away from some people and he hid at where scar was building stuff. and scar came across him, with his typical "well hello there :J"
and impulse was scared! and he could've lashed out with fire in his fear. but— he didn't. (he is a teddy bear and genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone, ever.) (there might be a backstory buried there that makes elegy so much worse :3c just saying)
he wasn't used to people regarding him without fear. he wasn't used to being just... accepted. or to be allowed to stay anywhere. he actually fully expected that's what the rest of his life will be: endless wandering, being chased off, forever running away. and yet.
and yet.
scar offers him a place to stay. so easily. as if it didn't cost him anything.
#ange answers#boatem circus au#found family#* the exact order of everyone joining might still be a subject to change#as not all of the backstories are fleshed out and ready yet#for example i'm blanking out on ideas for... i think ren doc joel and pearl rn#and only have scraps for some of the others#tango i also don't know what to do with#don't exactly want another fire themed hybrid after this whole disaster hmmmm#maybe cold fire or ice or something?#the list tapers off after tango but if u have any ideas for other people you'd love to see#and what kind of hybrids you might want them to be#feel free to throw it at me!!!#:3#also there's something to be said about how impulse experienced people fearing him for what he is his whole life right?#but not at the circus#not there#(.... not until grian)#i made it angstier oops#sorry impy#anyway yeah feel free to ask anything!#some questions might not have answers yet but you can always give it a shot
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I always found it slightly awkward how media makes siblings or people who see each other as siblings call each other brother/sister all the time as in real life you almost never see people do that with their own siblings (maybe someone out there like that)
In the case of Arkham Shadows I see why they did though because Bruce quite literally tells Harvey he loves him and Harvey says it back. Can't have the audience think Batman is in love with the DA.
They had Bruce pay for his college, pay for his campaign, pay for his surgery, pay for his therapy and had Harvey have him as his best man at his wedding. Wow..... Sugar baby Harvey is real.....
The calling sibling title thing is less common in English than in some other languages for sure- me and a couple of my siblings do it on occasion, but it's for a bit then. More common is when I call one of my close family friends "my sister" or "my nephew" when talking about them to someone else because it's faster and easier to say that than to say "my friend who I've known since she was born and lived with for a few years and consider a little sister" or "child of a close family friend who considers me an aunt" to someone who doesn't know them. Which is a lot of words to say that if they wanted to fully sell me on the brothers thing they should have either had a different bit or should have referred to the other as "my brother" when talking to an unrelated character instead.
But "oh no we have to make Bruce not look gay" has been a problem DC has struggled with more than once for many decades and it basically never works so I guess at least they didn't try to solve it this time by having Bruce pick a lady love over Harvey or cutting the holding hands thing
Because I saw that scrapbook! I know Harvey has been Bruce's sugar baby since he was ten years old! But we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him the love of his life because ok technically that's Gotham but also because gay. And we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him his best friend because they're not ten anymore and somehow that seems gay also. So brothers it is, I guess. Even if I think my brothers would bite my finger if I ever tried to pay for everything for them on that scale, guess it's different at billionaire levels
#I'm actually simultaneously a believer in grew up like brothers and absolutely down bad romantically#(and harvey as a representation of Gotham itself as a love)#like an election in two (three) positions at once#but the point remains- you can't really fully cover the care by slapping a brother label on it like dc tries to to avoid it being too gay ig#which is very funny because did you see all the bi Tim and Dick stuff in Gotham Knights- but Robin has always had more freedom than Batman#in the 'can we let anyone think he's anything other than totally straight' department#anyway now I'm thinking about how on earth-3 all the characters get a morality flip#but Two Face/Three Face is the only one i can think of who gets a gender flip as well#as if 'oh if we had just originally conceived of Dent as a woman it would have been better (morally) because then it wouldn't have ended up#looking so gay'#but no they did not explore that thread because apparently uh having love interests in the joker and riddler was more important#which you'd think should reflect back on standard issue harv eddy and clown but uh. not really no they don't want to admit it#and i suppose 'well no three face wouldn't have a thing for owlman because he's technically not a version of Bruce he's a version of b's#brother'#but like then again. if Harvey is his brother. then shouldn't something have been used there to connect it#in any way at all#but no#instead I'm left with many thoughts about Harvey as a brother as a lover as a personification of gotham and as a woman but#i am still very sleepy rn so i don't know how many of those thoughts are coherent#but all that to say#YEAH SUGAR BABY HARVEY#guess it wouldn't be comforting for Harvey to shakily ask what he is#and Bruce to answer 'you're my companion who i turn to for affection in and give you obscene amounts of money in turn'#but like. it also wouldn't have been incorrect.#... though 'sugar baby harv as part of the representation of Gotham itself' probably has something to it too#but i digress I'm sleepy#pocket talks to people#anon#* i meant 'electron' not 'election' in that earlier tag
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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im so happy for you that fiction doesnt effect your reality. thats not the case for all of us though ✌️
#and intentionally trying to fuck with people or fuck them up bc you know theyre sensitive about what they consume- makes you evil!#sorry! not taking any nuance on that particular thing today <3#no reason to psychologically torment anyone ever especially not a trans guy online you were told to dislike <3 <3 <3#like some of yall only like saying 'fiction doesnt effect reality' SOLELY so you can harass and fuck with people for whomst it DOES effect.#and i think that makes you evil yeah. i feel p confident about that one. get a life seriously and get over your edgy bully teenager persona#genuinely some people are endlessly searching for an excuse to treat other people like shit#if you do this- only say that shit to excuse harassing someone else- you should prolly do the world the favor and off yourself.#or stay as far away from humanity till you can get over your desire to be a smug piece of shit that cant offer ppl basic human respect#we get it you can make up 'logical' sounding reasons for why you get to treat THIS particular person like shit. like i get it i rly do#but you really gotta get over that urge. maybe theres no acceptable target. and maybe thats what scares you most.#bc the only way you know how to express and release your anger rn is by hurting other people...#and if theres no acceptable targets... and you're hurting people.......#you might actually be doing something wrong! that would warrant valid criticism you cant as easily ignore w/o your excuses!#and lord forbid you ever see yourself as being someone who does something wrong *gasp* Blasphemy to even suggest such right?#hey trust me- its not a new thing to vent your anger by hurting people at all. you should know that. thats prolly how your dad treated you.#and thats why you hate the assertion so much- bc you might end up being more like the person who abused you than you thought#but instead of confront that and break it down and work on it- you stubbornly deny it. so then you keep repeating the abuse.#bc your oh so perfect ass could NEVER do wrong surely not. you've built pride on seeing yourself as a better person than your father.#so i get why it might all crumble down and make you pissy if someone asserts that you're not too different........#to be clear bc this post got super hyper specific n even tho i connected everything its still weird how i got from point a to b but-#you're like your father in the sense that you hurt people to relieve your anger. got it? got it. bc i dont think i was clear sdgkjgdshjbk#the conclusion to my thesis wasnt conclusioning yknow
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screaming crying coughing up blood every time i have to fucking defend genocide joe bc ppl wanna lie and say he isn't responsible for most of the best domestic policy we've seen in decades
his foreign policy is dogshit, yes, and he should rightly be called on it and primaried out, but we can criticize the shit he's actually done wrong instead of making shit up about him ~not doing anything good~
#thinking about the keystone pipeline shutdown and how fully 2/3 of the people he appointed to legislative systems were women and poc#thinking about student debt forgiveness and rejoining the paris climate accord and unfucking some of the extreme gerrymandering#and improving COVID protections (that were roundly thrown out by corporate america which is its own concern yes but like. he's not a king)#'biden didn't fix' blah blah blah he's not a fucking dictator he can't actually do whatever he wants. the only thing the GOP lets slide#is the aforementioned dogshit foreign policy bc fuck knows every last republican loves bombing the middle east and supporting israel#(remember that the evangelical xtian death cult requires israel for the apocalypse!! that is a very real fucking thing these ppl strive for#(and evangelicals support the GOP for this very fucking reason. you cannot forget this. we are all fighting for all our goddamn lives rn)#stirring up trouble#i hate biden i hate his foreign policy i hate how ok he is with fascism i hate most of his pre-presidential voting record BUT#i will not let that hate blind me to the reality that he is Objectively Miles Ahead Of Any Fucking Republican Alternative#i still want his ass primaried out of the presidential race so hard he physically blacks out upon seeing the polling results tho#and fuck. at least the dem side seems to have a lot of good progressive downballot candidates this time around already.
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I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"
#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially#and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson#they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins#that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of#they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up#So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction#But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you#I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue#My grandparents are but my dad isn't#he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created#and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal#he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being#so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve#so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US#That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken#I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets#and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea#n e ways have a nice day y'all <3#I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit#so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know?#most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog#maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day#ex christian#religious trauma
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hey hey when Paul (or whoever that was writing the book of Hebrews) tells us not to complain or God might strike us dead, how do we separate that from toxic positivity
#I'm kind of struggling rn guys#being at a *insert denomination here* school full of people who are all trying very hard to appear more or less perfect all the time#is killing my nerves#because see I have just begun to truly break out of my own perfectionism#I wanna put it to death SO badly#but how am I supposed to do that when I constantly feel like I have to perform all the time????#or else be considered a 'bad example'????#there are people here who know me. from years ago and only like 3 of them but still.#I don't enjoy sensationalist preaching#at all. and I feel like there's some of that going on here.#sensationalist and also like. massively dragged out of context in order to make a point.#hhhhh.#gurt says stuff#delete later#I have worked SO HARD to get to this school!!! WHY am I suddenly feeling terrible about the decision to come here!!!!!!!!#just... say some prayers for me plz. I'm exhausted and sad and I miss my family right now.#and it feels like all my friends are out there doing Real Stuff (joining the military; getting married; learning hard skills)#and I'm just over here wandering around campus and feeling alone in a huge crowd of people
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bigwings shiro........
#woke up from my joy induced nap and HAD to post this.#probably only like 3 people even know what im talking about but. god. god god god god god god god.#im going to make a wings of fire au and its going to be epic and all of you are going to love it.#my one hangup is that bigwings is a mudwing thing and shiro would be a nightwing or maybe a skywing. but whatever#i thought about how clay was told he was a monster from birth bc he tried to smash the other eggs#but then he finds out that that was his instinctual urge to help them hatch brcause he was their bigwings.#and then i thought about shiro and well here we are. im ILL#keith would totally be a sandwing like#desert and fire dragon aside he would LOVE having a stabby tail he could stab with#hunk could be a mudwing. i still think im gonna give the bigwings thing to shiro but maybe hunk can also have a bit of it as a treat#idk im half asleep this au is only partially formed from the ether of my subconscious rn#lance seawing obviously#and pidge would probably be a rainwing#SEE IM COOKING#alternatively keith could maybe be a skywing with too much fire..........#no i think sandwing fits him better but i AM packing that thought away to consider in greater detail when im more awake#winter speaks#voltron#wof au#<- might be something. i dunno. we shall see.
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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows
#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never#it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely#idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong#(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly#why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years#like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me#no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it#we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way#the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired#but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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so i have 9 hours so far on ZZZ
i downloaded it JUST TODAY. AT 1PM. thats not normal
#this is exactly like how when i first played ngs i immediately got 8 hours on it on the first day#the fixation hits hard#thought 'oh ive been wanting to play this and i also need something to cope rn'#oh boy did i cope#saw my husband for ONE FRAME and went INSANE#I LOVE YOU ANTON. MY HUSBAND. MY GIRLFRIEND. OH HOW I LOVE YOU#I NEED HIM SO BAD (literally i need to pull him in game) GIVE ME HIM NEEEOOOWWWW BEFORE I GET ANGRY!!?? GRRRR!!!!did not#mean to put those question marks#marks of inquiry#bruh this game has sexy ass gameplay. I SAW IT BEFORE BUT IT FEELS SO DIFFERENT WHEN YOU'RE ACTUALLY PLAYING IT#IT'S SO HEAVY AND UGHHDH IT REMINDS ME OF DMC A LITTLE#specifically dmc5#example: the Epic shots when you kill all the ethereals in an area#another example: anby's skill. that is literally a vergil combo#another thing that reminds me of ngs is how stuffy the game mechanics are#idk what i'm doing 90% of the time. i get an item. oh cool! where the hell did i get this from.#reading the descriptions of each item doesn't help because none of it sinks in 😭 it's like trying to read from 15 feet away#it's kinda like base game?? in the way that it feels like Everything has already happened and it's shoved in your face and you just kinda#have to figure out what to do#only this time i can't emote and pole dance with other people#oh to see anton pole dancing. /j#/hj :^3#....../srs :'^3 (i cry a tear)#i've been cooking up an s/i since the game was announced but i still have close to nothing. NO IDEA WHAT THEY WOULD LOOK LIKE.#huge ass weapon obviously. low hollow aptitude but they're such a good fighter that it didn't matter#i know my 'haha i've known this game since' shit is annoying but LET ME HAVE THIS!! I WILL FOREVER FLEX BEING A FAN FROM THE START HEHEHEH#anyway. anton. my pookiebear. my shnookums. Fucck yoyAAAAAAA I LOVE
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feeling like you’re 12 when you’re 22 is genuinely such a humiliating experience.
#my dad and mom have been on my case ab asking for permission before I go places and it makes me kinda sick#seeing everyone around me make plans or whatever and then being like ‘I’ll have to ask 🥺 👉🏽👈🏽#’#and my dad’s a liar he’s like it’s not like we ever say no#except my mother does and so does he???#even the muslim girls I am friends with have more freedom and you know what’s amazing ab this is#they can’t stop me from going to school. they don’t pay for that#they can’t take my car. they don’t pay for that#my mom can stop making food for me and I will manage just fine#they wanna kick me out???? blessing in disguise#but it’s hilarious that as an adult i’m still paying for everything I use but I still have to ask permission genuinely fuck off#my parents when I have to stay late on campus for some school event: 😒#the way I’d be making money rn if they didn’t decide to come and stalk me at work and see me without my hijaab on#and that one’s on me I could choose to just work with it on and make them happy#but I literally can’t as a matter of principle#i’m given such little pride as it is and if I say I don’t want to work with a hijaab on that’s that#i got an internship two days ago for the summer and you can bet your ass I’m not wearing my hijaab#except it’s not paid#and as much as I have guilt spending I really don’t spend a lot and it makes me so angry#i know that your 20s isn’t your whole life and people shouldn’t think that if they waste their 20s their life is up#but it’s like#my teens were already so shitty and abusive and trapped#how much longer do I have to deal w this before i’m treated like an adult#trick question! it’s only until a man can own me bc then he can make my decisions instead of them <3
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promised myself that i'm gonna fix up my notes from last sy so i can share it with upcoming humss students but i also keep going 'but what's the point'
#there were already so many from years ago who have posted and shared theirs#except theirs weren't as detailed; just the general summary for each topic#and mine are more detailed and i'm also contemplating translating them to tagalog#like this could serve as y'know. notes they could refer to to prepare themselves for the upcoming topics they'd tackle#but also...would i be robbing them of the experience to learn things on the pace their own teachers are setting?#in my own experience i only sought notes in the first few weeks of classes to ease myself into each subs and to learn what i'd be-#getting myself into#but i had fun just anticipating the upcoming topics without knowing anything about them#idk...is this just the result of me constantly mourning the state of the educational system in terms of the garbage curriculum and the-#general unpreparedness of most youths in choosing their tracks especially after the setback that the pandemic has brought on that are still#not given attention to by this garbage administration#combine that with the study of humanities & social science being looked down/underestimated by most filipinos#no wonder they're picking the stupidest and useless politicians & public servants. no wonder they're not paying much attention to the-#credentials of people they're electing to lead the country. ngayon letche-letche HGGSGAHSHAJS#anyway so many of the humss students i know chose careers that aren't consistent with their track and it's sad to see. sayang 2 years my-#loves :')#sigh......gonna do it now anyway#brain be very scattered rn. hate that <3#catdrain#rambles#non fandom
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