#i know not many will be interested in my silly bear girl

[jazzzzzzhands]

So anyways i was gonna wait for like a HUGE ref to put together

BUT im impatient and i have a short attention span!!

Here's me! Here is Jazz!! Puppetsona!!

Just a head shot for NOW!

ReDesigning her! And honestly if she isnt kinda different everytime i draw her, i probably died, cause i'm the MOST inconsistent person there is!! And she is too!!

She is a bear!!

She is so so Hyper and Happy!!

and she's silly! and she's doting!

and she's yearning! and shes fussy! and overBearing! (ahahaha)

and she struggles sometimes to process new things but she's figuring that out too!

She is WHIMSICAL and she's loving!

and she looks at the world with wide and sparkling eyes!!

and she believes in Magic!!

She is simply! a Collector!! She collects everything that makes her Happy! Toys, Art, Stones, Flowers, Coins, Teapots, Clown dolls, Art supplies,Memories, Dreams, and any little random thing!!

You will probably see me doodle her and change her hair, her colors, her clothing,her height, ect, but here is a taste of the sort of things she wears!!

She Doesn't wear shoes!!

and she IS! a little bit magical

Those pockets are deeper than they should be!

and Things simply seem to happen around her!!

She has a Hugtime Bracelet! Yes, from Trolls!!

Because i said she can!!

Feel free to ask me Any questions about her!!

[paradiseismine]

Love at first bite - Boris Pavlikovsky x reader

Pairing: Boris Pavlikovsky (The Goldfinch) x f!decker!reader

Warnings: very fluffy, just Boris (metaphorically) drooling over the reader. Sfw still 🎀

Summary: you’re Theo’s cousin, in Vegas for a few days to visit him and his dad. While you’re cooking at the Deckers house, Theo gets an interesting and very good looking visitor.

Love note from Nina: I know not many people like my Boris fics, but I recently finished reading The Goldfinch for the first time, so bear with me here. Hope you enjoy it 💕

You had gotten to the Deckers house earlier that morning - Theo had already left for school, but uncle Larry and Xandra picked you up at the airport before leaving for work. That meant you were alone in the house for a few hours, so you decided to do some cleaning and cooking to wait for everyone to come home.

At around 3 in the afternoon, the doorbell rang. You opened the door, but surely wasn’t hoping to see such a tall, handsome dark haired boy in front of you.

“Hi! You’re Theo’s friend, uh… Boris, right?” you asked, trying to sweeten up your voice as much as you could and fixing your hair.

Theo didn’t have any friends in Vegas besides Boris, so of course you knew about him, but his accent seemed even cuter and more distinct in person as he spoke.

“Yes, that is me” he nodded, smiling softly. “And you’re…?”

“Y/n, I’m Theo’s cousin, nice to meet you” you answered, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek, something very common in your part of the family. “I guess he should be coming home soon. Would you like some coffee? I just brewed it, it’s still pretty hot”

Boris nodded and you turned around to get back to the kitchen, not catching his silly smile as he gently touched his cheek where you had kissed him.

“Are you coming, dear?” you raised your voice slightly so he’d hear you from the door, as you were now in the kitchen.

Boris soon came along and sat on one of the kitchen chairs. You served him some of the cookies you had baked earlier, as well as a cup of coffee.

“You made these?” he asked, mouth full of cookies already. “So good”

“Yeah, just before you got here, actually” you chuckled, finding his reaction funny. “So Theo would have something to eat when he came back from school, you know… But I made way too many, so I’m glad you’re here to help us eat them”

“I’m glad too” Boris answered, happily chewing on the cookies and sipping the coffee you had made.

“I was also making him a cake, so I’ll have to finish that and put it in the oven” you said, turning around to resume your work.

“I couldn’t find the cooking spray anywhere to grease the cake pan, so we’re gonna have to do it the old fashioned way” you shrugged, opening the fridge and reaching for a stick of butter.

“Can I help?” Boris asked, sounding like a little boy wanting to help mommy in the kitchen.

“Of course” you chuckled. “Can you grease the cake pan for me?”

“Sure” he responded, his accent thickening as his body got closer to yours in front of the kitchen counter. “So I just spread the butter on the inside, everywhere?”

“Exactly, and then you put some flour on top and make sure the whole cake pan is covered with a thin layer of flour, ok?”

“I can do that” Boris nodded. He did as he was told, and soon, the cake pan was greased and the batter was nicely deposited on it.

Boris helped you open the oven, chuckling at your worries that he’d burn himself. As soon as the cake was put in the oven and you had set the timer, Theo opened the front door.

He walked around looking for Xandra - it was weird that she hadn’t been home yet. But he saw Boris and you, which was more than enough to get him concerned - he knew Boris couldn’t see a girl doing “old fashioned girly things” (like cooking) and leave her alone. That foreigner boy was a little too flirty for Theo’s liking, and he wanted none of that to happen to his cousin.

He took Boris to the living room to talk more privately, leaving you in the kitchen to prepare the icing for the cake.

“Potter, she’s so beautiful! Your cousin?” Boris asked, nearly whispering. Too bad for him that you could hear it perfectly, and a hand quickly clamped over your mouth to stifle a chuckle.

“Yeah, Boris, she’s my cousin. She’s visiting for a few days. Why do you ask?” Theo answered, seeming annoyed. You didn’t even have to be looking at him to know he rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell off his head.

“Would you mind if I kissed her? I don’t have to do more than kiss if you don’t want” he said, seeming a bit defensive. “But she’s so beautiful, I really want to kiss her, I never met a girl like her, so, uh, so женственный”

You blushed to yourself in the kitchen, stirring up the icing of the cake in order to keep normalcy - the noise from the whisk on the pot would be enough for them to pay you no attention at all. You had no idea what that last word meant, but it sounded like a compliment.

“Well, you don’t have to ask ME that, you can go ask her if she wants to kiss you” Theo spat, coming off jealous.

“Fine, you cranky” he answered. “But you better seem happier when I marry her” he added, as he walked towards the kitchen. “A woman like that has to have a good husband, and I make sure is me”

Boris entered the kitchen again as you were setting the icing bowl aside.

“Everything ok with Theo?” You asked, trying not to bring up anything you had heard from the living room.

“Da, he’s just cranky” Boris shrugged softly. “I said you were beautiful and he got jealous”

You laughed at his sincerity. “Really? You think I’m beautiful, then?”

“Totally, very beautiful. I asked if he would be mad if I kissed you” his right arm had ended up around your waist somehow, but it’s not like you were gonna swat it away. You enjoyed his touch.

“And what did he say?” You asked, turning your body to face him, your lips now dangerously close to his.

“I don’t really care. Can I kiss you?”

You nodded, chuckling and putting your hands to his cheeks, lightly pulling him down to compensate for his height.

Boris leaned in and kissed you very gently, as if you were made of sugar and could melt at the slightest touch of his lips. His arms were around your body, fingers lightly tracing the curve of your waist, his cold hands sending shivers to the hot bare skin of your belly.

His lips intertwined perfectly with yours, his tongue timidly slipping into your mouth as his hands grabbed your waist. You couldn’t help but faintly moan into the kiss and put your hand to his nape, fingers interlocking in his hair, bringing him closer. He was clearly trying to contain himself, and seemed utterly out of breath when you bit his lower lip maliciously.

When you broke the kiss, the look on his face was quite similar to when he used drugs: pupils dilated, eyes wide open, mouth slightly open and cheeks flushed. His palms were a bit sweaty and he muttered something in Russian that you couldn’t comprehend. You had gotten him wrapped around your finger - it must have been love at first bite.

[johannestevans]

The Joy of Trans Creation

On the liberty of making unapologetically transgender art.

Originally published in Prism & Pen.

For me as a child, there was no real transgender representation around me.

Transfeminine characters were exciting when I saw them, even though they were frequently the butt of jokes, highly sexualised, or the targets of violence from the narratives they appeared in. They were never afforded complex character arcs, and I can’t recall any trans women on my screens or on the pages of the books appearing for more than an episode or in small appearance before being killed or disappearing off-screen.

And trans men?

Nothing.

In the British soap series, Waterloo Road, there was a narrative about a trans guy that started when I was a young teenager myself, and it was… difficult. The narrative was clumsy and uninformed about trans experiences. It seemed more about cisgender parents’ anxieties about their trans children and was very conservative in extending liberty or freedom to the trans guy’s life or his body. He was sporty, a football player, and dykey — he was presented almost as if he was transitioning just to play sports.

And the obvious inspiration for this Waterloo Road plot, She’s The Man (2006) was…

Well, that wasn’t much to write home about either. The film is about a girl disguising herself as a boy in order to play soccer. I know that Amanda Bynes, who played the protagonist in She’s The Man, has talked in interviews about experiencing a lot of gender dysphoria whilst in the role, but what better encapsulation of the fact that trans roles were and still are so often played by cis actors who have no business doing so?

I remember watching She’s The Man as a kid and finding a lot of the jokes not very funny. These two trans male narratives, the only ones that I ever saw until I was much older, bore no resemblance to my life, my desires, and my feelings, whatsoever.

They were cisgender heterosexual people’s fantasies of transgender men. One is about a woman “thankfully” going back on her vile trans ways and revealing herself to be sexy and female after playing at being a pathetic and unmasculine man; the other is about an undesirable and lesbianish teenager who is “obviously” transitioning to get around misogyny, more than for any of his internal feelings.

I felt far more gender euphoria — far more excitement, more sense of feeling loved and cared for and genuinely represented and validated — when I saw effortlessly queer and fruity men on my screens. Characters like Hook and Smee in Hook (1991), or Armand and Albert in The Birdcage (1996): two silly, middle-aged men being overdramatic and in love with one another. Or characters like Hollywood Montrose in Mannequin (1987): fashion-focused, catty and, emotional.

Or, hell, even characters like the sexy gay leather bikers in the Blue Oyster Bar in the Police Academy movies — they’re intended as a recurring punchline, but nevertheless portrayed hot hairy men who dance the tango and unapologetically love and desire other men.

I did not feel like or want to be an eternal little boy for being transgender, continuously infantilised and emasculated, treated as if I wasn’t a real man. Moreover, I had no interest in feeling or acting as though manhood or masculinity or men were something I should have been superior to.

I’m a fashionable, pretty gay dude with so many joint problems that going for a jog can put me out of action for days. Narratives about straight trans guys, let alone ultra-sporty ones, couldn’t bear any less resemblance to my life or my desires as a man.

There’s a reason many cisgender people are attracted to these narratives about transmasculinity, and unfortunately, it has nothing to do with truly supporting the trans men who are lesbians, or who are sporty or straight. It has more to do with their feelings about which “women” are best to “allow” to transition, and so much of those feelings are based on their expectations of female attractiveness or desirability within heterosexual society, and never truly afford love or respect to those men.

And men like me?

We’re unthinkable, and thus, invisible.

Times have changed, a little — I do see more trans men on television and in film, bit by bit. I know that in animation particularly, great strides are being made in portraying various trans characters, and we see a much wider variety of trans characters in shows and film.

I do still think that I see far more they/them trans masc types who are often a white monolith with similar butch lesbian stylings, dyed hair, and certain piercings, often as a sort of introduction for cis hetero viewers to the concept of nonbinary identity or the use of they/them pronouns. I know many people like this in real life, nonbinary or trans, and the issue isn’t their physical appearance or the fact that they’re depicted like this — it’s that their characterisations are so often one-note.

I can’t think of seeing a character introduced as nonbinary who appears more transfeminine, or who characters would automatically label as “he” instead of “she” before being corrected to they/them, because nonbinary identity is treated in popular media as a sort of woman-lite; I can think of one gay trans guy who’s in Shameless; I can’t think of many trans men on television at all or in film who are fat, non-white or disabled.

Television and film are still a long way behind the beautiful diversity of real trans experience — but I write books and short stories. I get to create, as a gay trans man, trans men like me, and trans men like my friends, and craft narratives about trans experience that cisgender people would never be able to.

I published my second novel this month. One of the main characters is a transmasc fallen angel with BPD — he’s cold and arrogant, manipulative, cruel, and at the same time, he’s endlessly loving and charismatic, he’s beautiful and savage, he’s radical and believes strongly in his ideas, and in the rights of everybody.

I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams as a child seeing a character like that in any book I read. But many other trans men, trans people, queer people, and readers in general, will be able to pick up my book and connect to that character, see themselves in him, and love him or despise him as they might any other character.

There is no limit as an indie author to the trans characters that I can create, or how many of them I can have. I don’t have to limit myself to having a singular trans man on a cast of cis-hetero characters, his whole person and physicality aligned to the cisgender stereotype of transmasculinity.

I have dozens of trans characters in the universes I create, and many of them are trans men like me, or not: fat trans men, trans men of colour, Jewish trans men, disabled trans men, traumatised trans men. They’re tailors, revolutionaries, students, teachers, historians, archivists, office workers, stablehands, fops, librarians, adventurers, rogues, pirates, sailors, bastards or angels, heroes or villains.

The sheer joy of that reality is striking me regularly at the moment whenever someone leaves a kind or enthusiastic comment on my works or in their reviews. There’s so much joy that people display in reading my short stories or buying my books, and God, the wonder that I feel when I attend conventions or events and people recognise me or recognise my work and enthuse about it to me.

There is no greater compliment to me, no better assurance, no more loving thing to be told or to overhear, than “Finally, I feel seen.”

“He’s just like me!” or “I’ve never felt so represented,” or “Oh, I want to be him. I am him already. I love him.”

It’s lonely to be transgender.

In a society that punishes and penalises any acts of gender transgression or perceived deviation from the norm or expectation, the transgender or nonbinary or otherwise gender-nonconforming person is constantly at risk — and aware of the risk — of ostracisation, of victimisation, of violence, or assault. We go through life aware that we may be attacked or discredited, violently assaulted, denied medical care, treated as unworthy of love, abused, harmed, hurt.

We must fear and be wary of isolation from our friends, our loved ones, and our communities, because society fears us and has been taught it can hate us. Other people, those that we love, that we care about, forging those connections and keeping them strong, they are how we can survive.

And how do we do that, when we don’t know in our heart of hearts that those like us exist? When we can’t be sure that we exist?

I was very lucky as a young man to feel confident and assured in seeing myself and then establishing myself as like the queer, fruity men that I saw and loved on the screen, no matter that they weren’t made with the thought of transgender men like me. Yet so many others, people I talk to, people I’ve never heard of, do not have that assurance.

They stand in front of a mirror and they don’t see anything. To feel transgender before one’s transition is often to see oneself or think of oneself as existing in potentia. We are an egg yet to crack and hatch; we are a soul without a vessel as yet.

How can we imagine a future for ourselves when we can’t envisage it? When we have no framework or canvas or idea of how a person like us can look, can live, can exist? How can we conceive of what we might be or what we truly are, when we might be grappling with our own pains and trauma and dysphoria, and at the same time society’s disregard of us, when we have never known or thought of others like us existing — let alone existing in beautiful diversity, in variety, in the complexity that we truly do?

Whenever I get one of those comments or whenever someone says a kind word to me about my work as a trans man and I see the light in that person’s eyes or the enthusiasm in the words they’ve written, there is an unspeakably immense happiness and joy in it.

To have taken part in that, to have created a mirror for that person to see themselves in, a character or characters that make that person feel real— not merely validated or represented, but seen and loved and cared for by a complete stranger, I can name no greater privilege.

It’s a shame I didn’t have that in my childhood, sure, but what’s important is that I and, far more importantly, a whole variety of trans and nonbinary creators, are doing that work today.

In Daniel Ortberg’s Something That May Shock and Discredit You, there’s a truly beautiful quote:

As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: “God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.”

In being transgender I have created myself — no longer in potentia, I have developed and evolved. I’ve played with my hair and my face and my jewellery and my clothes; I’ve fed and nurtured my masculinity and my love for men and manhood as a gay man; I have created myself, and that’s been very joyful for me…

But to create works that help other people, transgender or otherwise, men or otherwise, create themselves? See for themselves the sort of people they’d like to be, how they would like to make themselves created?

That is a triumph beyond measure, and I am so grateful to do so.

[fipindustries]

Ditko's legacy

a really interesting thing i noticed about steve ditko is that not only he was a prolific creator of iconic comic book characters. but the pattern that his characters follow to fame is particularly odd and it tends to repeat itself.

let's start with the most iconic of all, mist aracnid human himself

an interesting thing is that ditko only drew spiderman until issue 38, afterwards the art was taken over by john romita sr.

in many ways romita's version of spiderman is the definitive interpretation. whereas under ditko peter was actually kind of an immature, prepotent jerk, under romita he became a lot softer and classically heroic. romita is also the guy who designed mary jane watson, it was under his tenure that the green goblin's identity as norman osborn was revealed. in many ways john romita's work was was finally turned spiderman into marvel's mascot.

so neat, right, what else did steve ditko do. well, he created another iconic character for marvel. a very Strange Doctor indeed

for this guy i dont have as much history but i think it would be fair that he was relatively an obscure character, someone you were not familiar with unless you were really into superhero comics... until 2016

when he was interpreted by superstar tumblr sexyman extraordinaire benedicto cumberbacho. thanks to that and his role in the avenger's endgame movie now the guy is a bit of an icon and a respectable IP on his own right.

but we can go even more obscure than that, let's check another character created by ditko, a character so obscure that is literally incognito

created in 1967 by ditko for a now defunct company called charlston comics. his original appearance was actually incredibly short lived. so much so that he was cancelled that very same year he was created.

but then, in 1987, dennis O'neil decided that he was interested in that character and so we got

in here the character was radically changed from a staunch objectivist into more of a zen buddhist philosopher. in many ways o'neils run is the best run the question ever had and the version that tends to be the heavier inspiration for all other subsequent adaptations.

but actually how about we go even more obscure than that, how about we go to a shady guy driven to madness...

once again, ditko made, in 1977 for DC, a strange man from another dimension whom, with the help of his stolen M-vest he could transform into a huge difigured version of himself. as ditko was wont to do, his stories were very surrealistic and psychodelic. as is often the case his work was cancelled after only 8 issues. forgotten by time until, courtesy of the british invasions of the 80's/90's on the comic scene, we got

a story that became far more explicitly political, a crude, surrealist examination of the american culture, touching on topics such as alcholism, the hippie movement, gender theory and abortion. an absolute masterpiece if you want my opinion and probably one of the best comics ever made. once again all other successive adaptation we got of the character tend to borrow a lot more from this version than from the original.

ok one final stop in this ride of ditko creations. who else is left you may wonder, is there something this guy has not created? well, you see ditko could be a heady philosophical creator but he was not above being a little silly from time to time, and that is how he ended up coming up with

yes you heard that right, squirell girl!

ok to be fair, this one was not created by ditko, he was just the artist. the actual creator is will murray, but bear with me here.

created for a superhero special in 1991 as a fun jokey character, she was never really meant to have her own book or series or anything like that.

after being introduced she kept appearing her and there and with every new appearence the gag that she could beat any character started to get built up more and more, beating dr doom, thanos, eternity and god knows who else until finally, in 2014, she actually got her own run written by none other than the creator of dinosaur comic Ryan North

not going to lie, i personally always thought the art was really bad, but it became a fairly popular book, getting high praise from most critics and even winning an eisner award in 2017

conclussion

i think it's absolutely fascinating that ditko has this pattern of creating incredibly iconic characters who become popular and known by a later adaptation by another artist who takes the character on a whole new direction. he seems to be really good a seeding ideas and establishng concepts but there are fertile grounds in the hands of other artists.

if there is one character that has survived this process is his strong, stalwart, objectivist hero who thinks in incredibly rigid, unbreakable rules about good and evil, up and down, black or white.

mr A

and why is that? well, its very simple, the ancient greek philosophers already established this millenia ago. everythng that exsts has a specific nature, each entity exists as something in particular and has characteristics and has characteristics of what it is.

A is A.

[drdemonprince]

I'm curious to know your take on the whole fujoshi pisscourse because I'm semi new to it and no matter how much the internet says I should be appalled that some cis women flick their beans to gay stuff... as a queer guy I simply cannot bring myself to care. I have experienced cis straight women in queer spaces being rude or even sexually inappropriate, especially to performers, but I just don't see the relationship between that and the girls watching gay porn. And I've also seen people argue that it's bad because cis straight women who are artists will write/draw stuff about gay men that's inaccurate... but again I don't see this as nefarious as the twinks on tiktok want me to believe it is, like who cares.

Yeah, I'm with you 100%. What a person gets off to is their business and no type of porn belongs to one identity group.

My gay male bestie in high school got off exclusively to straight porn -- he found the women in straight porn easier to relate to than the types of big, masc guys that get depicted in most gay porn videos.

I watch porn of any fucking gender combination because what I care about is the hypnosis and power exchange, not the people involved.

I know this couple of two trans women that broke up when one walked in on the other watching gay male "sissy" porn -- she considered it an insult to her own identity and worried that it meant her trans femme partner wasn't "really" a woman or didn't see her as one. It led to the disastrous, messy termination of a relationship of many years, and the entire basis for the rift was nonsense.

I like a lot of detrans kink / forced detransition porn because of my own insecurities and worst fears. It strikes a chord in a hot way. Before I transitioned, I looked at a lot of gay male porn especially of the silly fanfictiony variety because it gave me something to project my longings onto.

Lots of trans mascs are "cis female fujoshis" like that. And yeah, some cis women are too! They may like the escape from conventional gender role baggage, or they may have some latent gender-fuckery of their own that the fiction is allowing them to explore, or maybe they just like guys a lot and so seeing two guys together is twice as hot to them. No amount of discourse is gonna keep straight men from watching lesbian porn. So let's leave the girls to whatever gets them off!

(incidentally, I know a lot of lesbian fujoshis too).

We shouldn't be policing what others' eroticize. A person's identity has no bearing on what they might find interesting to look at or fantasize about. What matters in terms of 'protecting' the queer community is having guidelines on behavior.

The problem with cishet women being predatory at the club isn't that they're cishet, it's that they're groping people, getting in people's faces, and being rude. Anyone of any identity can do that. The only way we can prevent bad behavior is by having rules and procedures in place for dealing with it in anyone. Not by restricting which identities are allowed in the door -- that will only ever play out in a transphobic way and a way that's hostile to the questioning and closeted, and I'll have no part in it.

And certainly none of us have any business butting into what sexual thoughts play between a person's ears. There are no thought crimes. There are no emotion crimes. There are no arousal crimes. There are only behaviors that can hurt others, and if someone's actions are respectful and harm no one, their identity and what they get off to is completely their business.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/17/2024

come take this very very friendly little man out of my bathroom! he is fiv+ and we are in houston tx! i am willing to drive a couple hours for the right home! he is a good boy he's just orange! more details here!

listening

emily jeffri's DENY off my spotify recommended weekly playlist: i can only describe it as "throbbing". immediately attention grabbing lyrics:

What kind of lover does your mother want? I'll do whatever, oh but you could not

very distinctly indie electronica. this would be the song in a cyberpunk/80s hacker movie where the chase takes you through an goth/alt fashion show where the models are actively giving blood as they walk or something.

i love the spotify daily mix for me and my bestie bc there's a guaranteed four bluey songs on it and it's a nice jumpscare. i know my mental health is taking a turn for the worse when a lot of mother mother starts popping up, i know my bestie's is taking a turn for the worse when a lot of girl in red starts popping up. suicide-watch-level sapphic angst singer-songwriter, generally. except for this song! extremely fun! didn't even recognize it as her! DOING IT AGAIN BABY is a more traditional selling-you-a-dodge-charger car commercial song and it's such a startling departure from her usual work that i wonder if it was a commercial commission? hard to immediately find out tho

I'm on a new level Something's got me feelin' like I could be inflammable And I might be I'm gonna light it up Nothing's gonna stop me if I say this is what I want

-

reading

i read twilight (yes that one) at the behest of my bestie and bc my mental health could not have gotten any worse in that moment. it has led to some uncomfortable realizations about my high school experience i will save for a therapist. i am mostly putting it here to remind myself that i read this book this year.

^ this is some silly goofy nonsense. not that i think people shouldn't be recognized at their retirement, but what happened to giving people nice watches instead of a thousand dollars in plaques

Saying that, the records did reveal something actually interesting: although the individual contract I sent a request related to was for a few thousand dollars, an attached blank purchase agreement (BPA) says that “the government estimates, but does not guarantee, that the volume of purchases through this BPA will be $360,000.00 over the term of the BPA.” So, a lot more than a few thousand bucks.

-

watching

Hang 'Em High (1968, dir. Post). certainly not clint's sluttiest role but really up there. i do wish he kept the fucked-out little rasp for the whole movie :(

When an innocent man barely survives a lynching, he returns as a lawman determined to bring the vigilantes to justice.

it has a typical bizarre shoehorned romance that (i think) deeply undercuts the theme it wants to explore, but there is no on-screen rape. the bar is on the FLOOR with westerns and yet i DNF so so so many.

hell of a whump film. literally everything happens to jed cooper. i will trumpet this again from the rooftops: that character needs cbt both ways.

-

playing

HIGHWATER, a 2022 adventure/turn based strategy thing from Rogue Games, courtesy of Netflix Games, whose game library is a fucking nightmare to navigate on mobile.

i loooove a water-based postapoc. the boat does in fact handle very poorly and like a horrible inflatable raft on mobile, which is both charming and frustrating.

i do not love a turn-based combat. despite the vibes off the charts, including a very well integrated "pirate radio" station as the game's soundtrack, i am not patient enough to muddle through complex turn-based combat. i'm sure someone had fun fighting off six guys and two bears (who aggro anyone and can one-hit anyone) and then a further three guys who show up for backup but i gave it the good old college try over two days and wasn't able to swing it. it would be nice to have either a difficulty setting or some way to spectate the ideal fight, but alas. a lot of fun environmental stuff in the fights you can use to your advantage, like the bears and these trees you can flatten your opponents with in a much earlier fight. there's a fun mix of different characters with different abilities and different weapons you pick up and keep during fights. i have no specific beef with this game's choice to make this the way you move through the game, it's just not my preferred genre.

a lot of book and newspaper collectibles in this one that i feel of several minds about. it feels less like environmental storytelling through newspapers and just the devs telling me their opinion when they provide little book summaries like this. also i wish The Industry as a whole was more thoughtful about using the word "insurgent".

not a game for me, i have once again confirmed that i cannot tolerate a turn-based combat no matter how much seafaring postapoc you drench it in :(

-

making

got a Phantom Menace era curtain panel for $4 at the thrift, and i was convinced it was fabric someone had made into a curtain panel until i got home and discovered it was an officially licensed product with bafflingly generous seams.

it's about two-ish yards of a 50/50 cotton/poly blend, which i feel like i haven't seen in a while? i think the current fashion leans more 70/30 or 100 poly for curtains i've purchased. after i finish unpicking the seams and pinking it, i am going to throw it in the wash again with some vinegar and see if that softens it up any, or if it makes the transition between the wear lines on the seams and the body of the fabric any nicer.

thinking about what kind of dress to make that 1) shows off this extremely large scale pattern 2) does not look like i am wearing a paper bag, and 3) does not look like the late aughts craft trend of sewing a twin flat Star Wars sheet to a tube top and calling that a dress, bc that's how hard up we were for feminine merch. much to consider. maybe it Will be a maxi skirt with pockets and i can wear one of my seventy black tees on top?

[atinystaypixie]

Can we get more geto!! I love the sweet boyfie geto!! I was wondering if you’d be able to write something with him and reader getting her first tattoo? No pressure if you don’t want to, I just wanted to let you know that I loved the two you have written!! 🤍🤍🤍

Thank you for sending in the ask🥰 I'm really happy to hear you are enjoying💜 I hope you enjoy this i tried my best🧚🏽‍♀️

Y/n would be the one to bring up getting her first tattoo. She'd be laying on Geto's chest for their daily cuddle session, softly tracing his tattoos. She was in love with how the complimented her boyfriend's arm. The work of art mesmerizes her no matter how many times she saw it.

She'd pause in the middle of the pattern she is tracing and quietly speak out, "Sugu, I want one too."

Her soft voice drew his attention but caused him to question what she suddenly wanted. "What's that, doll? What do you want? I'll go get it for you, baby." Him being the boyfriend he is, it caused him to go into alert, ready to go get his girl anything she wanted even if it was the dead of the night.

She smiled at him, heart swelling because her boy was always so sweet to her, "a tattoo, Sugu. I want a tattoo. Your's are so pretty, I want one to match."

Hearing this caused Geto to get happy. He has several tattoos for her already. Her birthday was near his shoulder, the day they met in an infinity sign, and a tiny small bear was hidden in his sleeve that was placed so only his girl could see it when she was close up to him. The bear being the one he gave her when he asked her out and she accepted.

"Are you sure, baby? I'll take you, just want to make sure you really want it. They can hurt, doll." He wanted the best for his girl and didn't want her getting into something she wasn't set on.

"I'm positive, Sugu". He nodded at her words. "Okay, sweet girl. I'll take you. We can go now actually. My friend has a shop and he'll do it."

Y/n knew he had friends, just not exactly what they did with their lives. She got happy at the thought of meeting more of them. Once both of them were ready, they headed to the shop.

The vibe of the building was dark, but welcoming. Holding on to him, the couple walked in to be greeted by a man covered in interesting tattoos. Long hair, silly smile, and eyes brightening at the sight of Geto. "Geto! My friend, have you come to see me finally? It's almost as if you don't love me." The man pouts causing Geto to sigh and ignore his dramatics.

"That's because I don't. This is my girlfriend. She wants a tattoo and you're going to do it." Y/n tugs at his arm silently telling him to not be so rude. Something that has happened before. "Please," he adds with an unsettling smile causing the friend's skin to crawl.

"Of course, Geto. Hi, Geto's girlfriend. I'm Mahito and will do your tattoo." After the awkward exchange, Y/n reveals she wants to surprise Geto and writes her request down on a piece of paper knowing Geto is always in listening range.

Mahito applies numbing cream to her desired area after Y/n convinces Geto to sit right outside the door they left cracked so he can still be close and she can reveal it when finished.

Mahito was precise and finished the work without causing Y/n too much pain. He feared for his life at every wince and sharp breath she took. Geto always checked to make sure his girl wasn't hurt making his heart falter but the girl confirming she was fine made it beat slightly normal again.

After a couple of hours, he was finished. He cleaned the work once more and gave her all the instructions on caring for it. Y/n thanked the man and for doing her work without an appointment. She didn't take note of how the building was eerily tucked away in a dark corner or how they happened to arrive when there were no other clients.

Geto took her home and that's where she revealed the tattoo. It was closer to her left side, near her heartbeat. A heart with needles and thread running threw it sewing his name into it. Geto grinned ear to ear upon seeing the ink on his girl. Heart beaming as he looked upon the tattoo that was the exact same as the one he had on his chest, close to his heartbeat as well.

“I love you, sweet girl”

Thoughts of a Slutty Virgin - 🧚🏽‍♀️

Pixie's Masterlist

Boyfriend! Geto Masterlist

[dorarakei]

cw: major shibuya arc spoiler / jjk s2 spoiler. nanami kento angst drabble. first time writing, and it's not checked. my interpretation might be wrong, so sorry if it's ooc or not align with the anime!

i was rewatching the hidden inventory arc when i realized something.

not "realized", actually, more like i remembered something. a teeny tiny detail of the jjk universe.

i've just remembered that all of the characters actually has parents (lol yea i know silly me i just remembered it after i reach that part where geto apparently slaughtered his parents)

but... then i was thinking. about nanami.

his maternal grandfather is danish, yes? now imagine this:

ever since nanami kento reaches his teenager years and got enrolled in jujutsu tech which makes him technically a sorcerer, his family especially his mother has already make plans to relocate them back to denmark. for a... better, and peaceful life, she says.

a life far from the dangers of curses lurking on nanami, and a life far from the constant fear that one day, nanami won't go back in one piece.

just a life where he can be... normal. a normal teenager, doing normal things like what teenage boys usually do. maybe he could have a silly crush, or perhaps he can experience having a girlfriend... maybe even take the girl he has interest at to the prom. having difficulties with his homeworks and exams, being confused as heck choosing what major will he take for college...

well, the last possibility might not count. he's still confused when he wants to continue his uni life when he's in jujutsu tech. but then, at that point, he already has so many worries and traumas other than what major he should choose. worries and trauma that no teenager should be experiencing.

...or maybe, just maybe, nanami can experience a more normal future, too. perhaps nanami can land on a normal occupation in a corporate and climb on the ranks, or he can even make a bakery, since he loves to eat and bake various baked goods (especially breads). get married with the woman he loves, have children. he wouldn't have to worry much about curses in denmark just like he did now in japan, right?

but it seems that nanami is not that willing to leave jujutsu tech and the sorcery world behind.

from every argument that raises whenever she asks nanami about to possibility to move to denmark, his mother realizes something about nanami's understanding towards sorcery and his life:

he sees sorcery as something that... isn't ideal, for sure, but like it or not he must compromise with it if he still wants to live his life fully.

it's like what some people say about having exceptional intelligence or much higher sensitivity towards emotion: it could be a blessing for some, but curse for another. only those who have it could fully understand about it and... only they could bear with such "burden". they can't really ask everyone to understand and bear it...

and with that, his parents just.. dropped the idea of going back to denmark.

like it or not, it's still nanami's life. he has every right to choose what he wants.

his parents can only hope and pray that whenever the doorbell rings, it's nanami that's ringing it, alive, well, and breathing, and not some bunch of people who wore that distinct dark uniforms with such gloomy face... itching to break the bad news.

so just imagine how his parents would be so, so devastated when they heard that nanami has met his end during the shibuya mission.

his deceased body- god, they can't even call it a body... all that remains were just the lower part of his body they can't even lift the white sheet and take a proper look at it-

...if only he did agree to move to denmark, lay low and continue his life... in a more normal manner.

[quacka-quacka]

Hello ~

Just came across your post about Paul and Jim (pretty interesting!) and saw the part about Mal's death. Could you elaborate on that please?

I saw somewhere before that "something" had happened to him but I never looked for more..

Hello. Here are bits about Mal’s death in Many Years From Now:

The first member of the Beatles’ inner circle to die - after Brian Epstein - was their roadie and bodyguard Mal Evans, who was shot to death by police in his rented duplex at 8122 West 4th Street in Los Angeles on the night of 4 January 1976. His life had been defined by his relationship with the Beatles and when the band broke up, Mal not only had nothing to do but seemed to lose his identity. He separated from his wife Lil, who reportedly had asked for a divorce shortly before Christmas.

Mal moved to Los Angeles, where he lived with his new girlfriend Fran Hughes and worked on the manuscript of his memoirs, Living the Beatles Legend, which he was supposed to deliver to his publishers, Grosset and Dunlap, on 12 January. The evening of the 4th Mal had been so despondent that Fran Hughes called John Hoernie, Mal’s collaborator on the book, and asked him to come over. Hoernie said he found Mal crying, 'really doped up and groggy'. Mal told him, ‘Please make sure you and Joanne [Lenard, Hoernie's assistant on the book] finish the book.' Mal and John Hoernie went to an upstairs bedroom and in the course of Mal's incoherent conversation, he picked up an unloaded 30.30 rifle. A scuffle ensued, but Mal was a big, powerful man and Hoernie was unable to take the weapon away from him.

Fran telephoned the police and told them, 'My old man has a gun and has taken Valium and is totally screwed up.' Four cops arrived shortly afterwards and two of them, David D. Krempa and Robert E. Brannon, went to the upstairs room. According to the police report, when Mal saw the police officers he turned and pointed the rifle at them. Lieutenant Charles Higbie of the LAPD robbery and homicide division said, 'Officers directed him to put down the rifle. He refused to put down the rifle.' The cops fired six shots at him, four of which struck Mal, killing him instantly. Mal was an honorary sheriff of Los Angeles County.

PAUL: 'Mal was a big lovable bear of a roadie; he'd go over the top occasionally, but we all knew him and never had any problems. Had I been there I would have been able to say, "Mal, don't be silly." In fact, any of his friends could have talked him out of it without any sweat, because he was not a nutter.'

I don’t know what exactly happened on that occasion, still I find Paul’s defense kind of ridiculous - a guy who took advantage of girls who wanted to see the Beatles and used to put a gun against his girlfriend’s head doesn’t sound like a big lovable bear to me. He just didn’t treated Paul the same way he treated those girls, and Paul, beyond all doubt, never thought treating women like shit is a problem.

[toxiccrybabyart]

More diamonds!

Behold, the small diamonds in another screenshot redraw

Lore and original reference below!

Please read it I liked writing this.

Pink Diamond (Steven Universe)

The excited one.

Everyone knows pink Diamond, the diamond who fell in love with her colony and tried to free it, and her pearl, who followed her out of love. Together they faked her shattering, and ran to protect Earth and the humans who lived on it.

Everyone knows the classic girlie, my beloved pink diamond. Pink is very princess themed, rose being a graceful elegant princess, and Pink, her jester like counterpart.

Blue Diamond (Sage Universe)

The more emotional one.

She discovered Earth and fell in love with its beautiful oceans and silly humans. She sobbed for the other diamonds to free earth, but they simply thought it was another tantrum, and dismissed her time and time again. So she faked her shattering with the help of her Pearl, a soft spoken gem who would do anything to make her diamond happy.

This cutie was so fun to do. Her theming is based off the medieval era, with a slightly more peasant dnd look to her design. I’ve struggled with this design for years, but she finally looks the way I want her to. I let her keep Blue pearl, I just can’t bear to separate the diamonds from their pearls. Blue Pearl is still very soft spoken and sweet, but she can still get angry in the way only blue gems do best, balancing the cute and the scary 💙 She still adores art, and will pursue that later in the “series”

Yellow Diamond (Stephan Universe)

The cautious one.

At first, Yellow didn’t see the appeal of her colony. But after observing the humans, and the strength they showed, she fell in love with the toughness of Earth. She demanded to free her colony, but her fellow diamonds didn’t listen, used to her spoiled behavior. So, with the help of her mischievous pearl, she faked her shattering, fighting for Earth with every fiber of her being. Her pearl was happy for the adventure, and the attention that came with it.

Yellows theming has always felt very war general to me, so I felt the need to keep that warrior, soldier type theming with how she looks. This particular look is, spoiled royal interested in fighting, if that makes sense. Yellow pearl is still in love with herself, but I gave her a bit more mischief. She’s a fan of drama and being sneaky. Of course she still adores modeling, how could I take that from her, come on.

White diamond (Scorpio Universe)

The curious one.

White was fascinated with Earth from day one. She’d never seen a planet so lush, with such thriving species of so many creatures. The way everything fell perfectly into place, and yet was so chaotic and strange, made White want to protect it. She tried to advocate for Earth, but her diamonds ignored her, building her a zoo to satiate her drive to have some of these creatures. But it wasn’t the same, it was too orderly, the organic chaos was gone. So, she faked her own shattering with the help of her pearl, fleeing to earth to study and protect its inhabitants.

Oh man, this one felt so easy and yet I feel like I have to explain myself here. All my White designs are themed after the 1950s, idk why, it just, feels right. So of course, baby White here is themed after the 1950s idea of what the future would be like, think, the Jetsons, or those pin up drawings of the space girls. Her pearl is entirely original, so I’m still working on her. I think she’s very sweet and interested in the scientific aspect just like White, though.

[pantsaretherealheroes]

sorry i'm sick and didn't add the first bit! I was tagged in this "get to know you" meme by @village-skeptic thank you!!

last song: someTIMES i feel i've got to BOM BOM RUN AWAY this came on my shower playlist before. also before that i listened to sophie ellis-bextor's murder on the dancefloor which I have personally never forgotten but has gotten a boost from it being in a certain popular film recently

currently reading: A Good Girl's Guide To Murder by Holly Jackson, which i know has a terrible focus group-y title, but is actually very interesting and involves a teenage girl solving a mystery in her town (which is very much my thing) and has been nice for me easing back into properly reading again

last film: Anyone But You i think? it's silly but i had a great time, altho very weird to see a very american romcom take place in australia. and also why the fuck did they not advertise this as an adaptation of much ado about nothing, my favourite shakespeare??

currently watching: Nancy Drew which is fun although not really a Nancy Drew kind of thing it's more like teen supernatural investigations in a small town. not that i'm not into that! And also Percy Jackson and the Olympians, in which I have adopted three children and am about to wage war on two of their godly parents

three ships: well. if you've followed me from anywhere from the last 5 seconds to that last two and bit years, i'm sorry, and it's definitely buck/eddie from 911. also i am similarly insane about syd/carmy from the bear (the 'person you work with who you have an intense and close dynamic with and trust them with the most important thing in your life after not really knowing them all that long' ship dynamic is strong with me) and also lets say percy/annabeth from pjo because it is only the beginning but i know they're gonna fall in love so much!!

favorite color: turquoise or teal blue? or plum.

currently consuming: not much i have covid and also not many groceries until later today

first ship: hmmmmmmm probably something harry potter honestly i do not remember

currently working on: getting better from the ol covid. and writing a little bit :)

tagging if you want @cal-daisies-and-briars @jellicle-ball @rabbimilligan and @manycoloureddays :)

[h-doodles]

oh, so many ideas so little energy and time,,, so ummmmm authors feel free to take a spin if you find something u like <3!!!!

---

1.) inspired by Loving you is beautiful (darkfic) by @rippersz — wherein reader learns to enjoy Larissa's red flags rather than slowly wilt from the distinct skewed version of love :)

Excerpt:

You've been hurt by the world.

Pain is the only thing you remember, ever since you were young. Always remembered a yearning hunger deep inside your heart. Wishing to be loved, to be saved by someone.

But humans were monsters— it wasn't until you've found yourself on the gates of the so called Monsters' precious academy that you've found what seemed to be the shelter from the storm that is your life; found the answer to your prayers.

Found her.

Your savior, your goddess, your beloved.

You won't lie, trusting such a vision was a bit hard to bear, because to be so lucky was not in your nature. But oh, Larissa is so tender, is so sweet, is so caring, and is ever so patient— to stay by your side, equal parts loving and protecting you from harm. You feel a little silly now, asking all those questions then, about her kind; of how outcasts like her lived.

Isn't it such an irony, that it took you finding 'monsters', to find humanity?

Well. Well.

--and thats all ive got for it rn lol--

2.) ICE SKATER AU or wherein reader was a former ice skater but has since been retired, and is a part of their past they'd just occasionally brush off for stress relief. Can either be a new teacher for Nevermore or the new barista in town, who gets pestered to sign up by their former partner & still best friend (also a new hiree crushing majorly on one Coach Vlad :]) to a local skating contest. They didn't initially plan to, but after overhearing that a certain principal was interested in seeing the performances, well... local disaster gay brushes off the dust off their skates ;3

"You. Me. The lake, with your skates. NOW."

"Woah woah woah Y/N, hold on a moment. I thought we were going to the booth to cancel—" Elijah says, but I whap him with a rolled up newspaper.

"Well, that was BEFORE I learned SHE was looking forward to watching the event." I start. "And since we both know I am a small, disaster gay with 0 rizz and speaking skills, THIS is my chance to get her attention! It's brilliant! It's foolproof! She'll never see it coming!"

"Who'll never see it coming?" Coach Vlad pops up half dressed behind Eli, and I blink.

"Hold up, are you guys—"

"Yes." "N-Um." The two men look towards each other, before looking back at me. Eli mouths a yes.

"I cannot believe YOUR fucking luck!"

Bestie in Christ I WISH I had the luck, skills, AND charisma of THIS manwhore of a bestie-slash-longtime-skating-partner I have. Maybe then I COULD grab a whole fucking date with one Principal Larissa Weems. Is it too much to ask???

3.) academy time! Morticia/Larissa/Reader or where before everything went downhill, three girls had a secret worth keeping. bc i need the "and they were roommates + they're galpals <3" soooo bad

4.) 5 times they kissed + the 1 time they didnt FLUFF & then major angst >:) bc i love me a relationship establishment fic and then the worst pain imaginable to man aka Wifey death /// or if more fluff, just 5 dates and 1 wedding (BUT OFC THEY HAVE MORE DATES) :)

5.) Sleepy reader being a clingy mess and touch starved Larissa sooooo torn between having to get ready for the day vs staying in bed for 5 more minutes just to savor r's presence :')

---

...and then the NSF ones

6.) Reader is being more of a brat than usual so Larissa punishes them the next day by making them wear a remote controlled toy for the WHOLE day & getting teased at the most inopportune times but they are not allowed to cum >:)))

7.) OH GOD TRADE OFF where usual brat reader has been a V good girl™ for some time and in turn Larissa allows them one (1) wish...... and R picks revenge by having mommy wear the accursed toy and being teased 👉🏻👈🏻

8.) R making Larissa jealous soooo bad they need to be taught a lesson, marked & properly bred to appease the green eyed demon in Larissa's mind :) :) :) (and it works out bc R has been. entertaining v v filthy breeding kink thoughts oop)

9.) R has quite the closet of costumes and they find a cat maid cosplay 👉🏻👈🏻 practicing their meows and nyas and being all cute not knowing Mommy's been watching from the door the moment they started meowing

10.) oblivious reader unknowingly teasing Larissa all day and the woman is abt to FUCKING burst in horny except oh no???? reader was not oblivious and this has been part 7 of the 10 step plan to get Larissa as her gf >:))))))

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for blackmailing a dude?

Ok I know we're off to a really bad start with that title. And I won't deny I am definitely an asshole for many other unrelated reasons, but bear with me for a second

So me (17f) and a bunch of other people are sorta trapped in a life-or-death game at the moment, and our kidnapper has definitely dug up a LOT of dirt on us and all the other victims. Some of this dirt might have included a bit of identity theft I've dabbled in, but that's part of the "unrelated assholery" and mostly isn't really relative here.

What IS relevant is that because of it, I haven't been going by my real name in years - my preferred nickname works with both the given name I've been claiming AND my birthname, so it's been pretty smooth sailing to get away with it!

Or, well, it had been going smoothly 'till a guy I'll call R (18m) just happened to accidentally stumble across my real birthname. An infirmary in this place happened to have a bunch of our medical info, which happened to have my birthname on it. Thankfully, we were the first two to find that room so I was able to take care of the papers before anyone else saw, buuuut...

There had already been a bit of suspicion tossed at me that I might be connected to the whole kidnapping shenanigans, just cause the other folks found out about some of my genuinely unrelated crimes and thought, yeah, of course the crime girl is the most likely to be suspicious! Which cmon that's just rude assumptions, my crimes are in a totally different ballpark then kidnapping and death games. Assuming the silly little con artist is involved in something of this scale? Pal that's like seeing a huge, well-carved sculpture and assuming the nearby artist is responsible even though he's clearly only interested in painting. C'mon my dudes.

Still, no one really knew about the whole identity theft part and I knew if that came out, there could be WAYYY more shit thrown at me. And considering, uh, "death game," a bigger target on my back is the last thing I need right now.

Tragically though, R is a dumbass. I say this with love of course, as he's also been one of the strongest forces of optimism and somehow keeping a cool head throughout this whole situation. he's also the funniest guy I have ever met. overall an amazing source of morale atm. But I genuinely don't think this dude thinks before he says anything. He is a terrible liar. So I'm kinda in a predicament with him of all people being the only one who knows.

I did a bit of digging though, and I found some of the dirt our kidnapper had on this guy - apparently he's also something of a phony, and he does NOT want this information getting out. So ya know. I made sure he knew that it wouldn't, so long as my little name secret didn't come out. Gotta give him an extra bit of incentive~

Which. Ok i know it's blackmailing. Nine times out of ten, I know those basic kindergarten morals are correct about Blackmail Is Bad :( But in THIS SITUATION SPECIFICALLY, it's kind of a survival tactic moreso then anything else so it's at least mildly less asshole-y.

[terrorbitch]

          hello everyone! i am not able to do a lot of replies for the next few hours but i do have some wants/needs as far as plots go for my muses. so please like this post if you’re interested in any pairings/plots under the cut and i’ll message you and we can plot and eventually get some starters out.

rose (natalia dyer) needs to be super duper corrupted, tbh. whether it be an older person or just someone her age that turns her into like, a nymphomaniac or even a murder or something wild. i want to write her sm but it should be something dark or depraved.

mckenna (grace van patten), scout (madelaine petsch) & tatum (minka kella) wants to dom some guy (strap or not lmao). that’s it.

ghostface plots. i have a few muses i can throw into it! harvey (jon bernthal) or max (jacob elordi) but i’d also be down for the opposite and throw one of my girls at them.

i miss using crosby (oliver jackson cohen) so maybe a corrupt super hero or another villain trying to take over and they eventually become a power couple? orrr we could have a thing where he sort of takes on an apprentice and he has a soft spot for her? or like, a little silly hero who is getting fucked up by other villains and he randomly has a heart, saves her, and begrudgingly becomes a good guy!

i have sooo many h*rry p*tter muses! pls write some shit with them.

give my pretty boys some milfs. specifically mikey (paul mescal), walter (jeremy allen white), gunner (kj apa), ferg (logan lerman) & bear (mason gooding).

age gaps in general. i will give you my milfs for anyone.

gimme a priest who ends up fucking one of my innocent gals.

let’s do a multi muse plot except its your muse dating all 3 of the van cortlant sisters (mia healey, samara weaving, grace van patten) with or without knowing.

a plot where one of our muses is a ghost who can walk and be “there” in the house that they were killed/died in, but they can’t leave it. so the live muse finds themselves a recluse, trying to get to know the ghost, falling in love w them, and doing fucking scary magic to potentially make them come alive again. evil undertones welcome, or just campy ghost stuff.

dads fucking the babysitter, full stop.

give jackson (chris evans) or dax (oscar isaac) or chester (pedro pascal) or harvey (jon bernthal) threesome threads w pretty girls/women.

[isawken]

haha heyyyyy jesties

this year has been rough stuff. and the problem is nothing life shattering has happened so i don’t even get to have a spectacular mental breakdown. it’s just been a lot of grind and disappointment and struggle to keep up or have any energy to do anything other than the bare minimum. to everyone who reached out to me with love or kindness or memes and waited weeks or more for a response i love you. and i’m so sorry for my total absence of personhood. i’ve never gotten a dm even if it’s just a silly post and an “i thought of you” that i didn’t like. and your patience with me is appreciated more than you know.

i have some stuff i want to work on. some hobbies i want to pick up again. some friendships i want to recultivate. some pieces of my life i want to try to rekindle. i used to have so much creative energy and impulse. did you know i used to make zines? i fuckin loved making zines. the tactile experience of cutting up thick paper and punching holes and using thread to bind em and filling it with vague thoughts and little collages and splashes of acrylic paint. that shit ruled. about a month ago i tried making one for the first time in years. i cut up some old paper and dusted off the ol' hole punch. this time instead of my usual embroidery thread i used necklace chain to bind it. i was proud of that idea. when it came time to put stuff in it i choked. i had no creative thought. i forced myself to cover the first page with orange and yellow crayola markers. but that was it. i had nothing other than that. just hasty sloppy color thoughtlessly and restlessly thrown down. a dull background promised to a more interesting foreground that never came.

that shit did not rule.

in 1883 in pecos texas the first recorded rodeo takes place. in 2001 rob smets attends the PBR world finals in jeans and a sports jersey bearing sponsor logos. in 1780 joseph grimaldi makes his stage debut at 2 years old at london’s famed drury lane. in the many, many years before any white person ever laid eyes on it, a man in what you’d now call northern arizona paints his body in black and white stripes and puts corn husks in his hair. in 1557 ivan the terrible acts as pallbearer to a man who walked naked in the streets of moscow, even in the dead of winter. 1568 the gelosi acting company coalesces in italy to perform the hot new style of live improv entertainment. in 2017 the ringling bro’s circus performs its last show, 146 years after the titular brothers first formed it. all of these moments (and more!) live in my head rolling around like marbles and one day i’ll tell you all why.

i’ve been on mood stabilizers for so long it’s hard for me to tell if this has just been a really long depressive swing or if this is just how i am now. if this is just what getting older is like. i don’t really think it is. i am like 90% sure this will not last. but the two questions that follow are always 1. how do i get out of it, and 2. what if it is tho xD?

i recently went down to southeastern ohio to visit my family. went up the mountain at 1 am saturday night to help my gramma grab the 8 year old boy she’s been helping to take care of from his strung out mother. the next day i saw my various other relations, aunts and cousins however many times removed. i hung out with my second cousin. same age as me, with two twin girls, 4 years old. she’s a great mom. and enjoys it, too. got a decent husband with a good job. obviously i don’t know her struggles. not like we talk often. but she seemed overall pleased when she spoke about her life. i told her about my work from home job and my loving partner of 8 years and my plans for the future. she told me i was living the dream. and like. i kind of am. so why do i wake up every morning in various states of hangover (it's the mental illness)

i live in one of the cloudiest cities in these united states. my house is about 500 square feet. it’s dark at 5pm now. i already miss the sun. i want to get sunburned again. i want to be sweaty. i want to put talcum powder in my skort. i want to get through this winter without having to rub snow on my face to stave off more serious impulses. i want to check the 5 items off my to do list.

all of my want is like a song stuck in my head.

i miss that stickbug meme

i should dress up like a clown again

maybe tomorrow i’ll just lay under my weighted blanket for 5 hours

or maybe i’ll actually do something i like to do and feel good and real and human about it. who knows. only time will tell. and in the meantime. thanks if you read this <3

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Seeing a lot of the TERFs cry, “Girls and boys shouldn’t be allowed to play on the same sports teams!” and need to say something.

When I was little, I LOVED football (soccer if you’re American). Like I absolutely LOVED it and joined my primary school’s football club from the age of like five; when I moved up to junior school aged seven, I still loved football and joined the after school football club there until I was nine.

Here’s the thing: the football clubs at both of my primary schools were mixed gender - meaning the boys played with the girls, we had male and female coaches, and bearing in mind that my junior school was a Christian faith school, literally no one gave a shit if girls and boys played sports together. Our PE lessons were mixed gender as well, and we were encouraged to work in groups of both boys and girls. The real kicker here is that the clubs were for ALL ages at the school - so seven year old me and my seven year old friends (boys AND girls) played in the same club as the eleven year old boys and girls about to head off to secondary school. Were the Year 6 kids much bigger than us Year 3s? Yeah, some of them had already started puberty probably, eleven year old boys especially tend to be bigger than seven year old girls - but we played together, and we all had fun.

Anyway, by the time I was nine, I was the only girl left on the team - and I eventually had to quit because my mum got a new job and my neighbour had to pick me up on that day, and it wasn’t fair on her to pick her son up and my sister up at 3 only to have to come all the way back at 4:15 for me… so I had to stop going. Do you know what happened after I left? They made the team boys only - which meant no girls who joined the school in the following years were allowed to join.

“They could have just made a girls team” - there are five days in a week, and football is not the only club that needs to use a school field. The field was literally being used every day after school for one reason or another - and on top of that, there weren’t enough girls interested to warrant hiring another coach and organising a whole other after school club. Some of the parents did ask “can’t they just join the boys team?”, but they weren’t allowed because now it was established as “boys only”, and the boys who were in the club had learnt that they didn’t want “boring silly weak girls” playing with them.

Before this, those same boys didn’t care if I was on their team or not - but then they were taught that girls weren’t good enough to play with them, that girls couldn’t compete with them and were “weaker”. I couldn’t even join in football or basketball games at break or lunch anymore because of that.

So when the gender critical transphobes out there start talking about how girls and boys shouldn’t be allowed to do PE or sports together, because “men are physically stronger/better/more capable etc.”, they are parroting the exact same misogynistic rhetoric that prevented me from playing a sport I and many other girls loved - they are saying that girls aren’t as good as boys at certain sports, that we are weak and would be beaten by someone who is biologically male all because we’re girls and so that means we’re born “weaker”. If the “boys and girls shouldn’t play sports together” logic had been used in my case and I hadn’t been allowed to play with the boys when I was, I would never have been able to play football at all because “girls aren’t the same standard as boys”.

People come in all shapes and sizes; even when I was at secondary school, there was a boy in my class who was half my height and remained the shortest in the year all the way until we left school at 16. I could have easily harmed him if we’d played sports together - but according to TERFs, he had the “biological advantage” simply for being born with a penis. Sometimes women are bigger than men, sometimes we are stronger than some men, it literally depends on the person - you can’t generalise an entire group of people based just on what is between their legs.

TERF rhetoric has always been and literally always will be nothing more than sexism and misogyny dressed up as fake-feminism - and that’s on top of it already being based on racist and sizeist stereotypes too.