#i know lorde gets a lot of critical praise

[melrosing]

What do you think of the Sansa bullied Arya take if you don’t mind me asking (just don’t answer if you don’t want to haha)

per my usual practice on Controversial Topics im putting this under a cut

At the real risk of that lot showing up in my notes again, I think this ‘Sansa bullies Arya’ pins their pre AGOT dynamic squarely on Sansa herself, rather than the way they are both being raised by the adults around them to behave towards one another. Sure, Sansa is mean to Arya sometimes during their childhood! We don’t have a lot of examples besides the oft-mentioned ‘horseface’ insults, but I think it’s fair to assume that more often than not, Sansa was looking down on Arya. Meanwhile, Arya herself feels inadequate and like she just can’t do anything right. She resents Sansa, but also worries that Sansa’s opinion of her may be true.

Fine. But where has Sansa’s opinion of Arya come from? Is it her cold black heart? Fucking no, it’s come from Septa Mordane, Catelyn, and whoever else surrounds them growing up. The men don’t seem to really give much of a shit how Arya acts because it’s not their business and she’s just a kid anyhow, but the women pointedly give many shits. In our first scene with Arya, Septa Mordane scolds her for not being good at ‘women’s work’, and there’s plenty to suggest that this is just another day in the life for Arya. Meanwhile, Sansa gets the carrot for excelling. Both Arya and Sansa are learning their own worth in this chapter, and the worth of one another. Sansa internalises the praise whilst learning that Arya is bad, and everything she mustn’t be. Arya internalises the criticisms whilst learning that Sansa is good, and everything she can never be.

They’ll be getting this from Catelyn as well. Catelyn clearly adores both her daughters, and will move heaven and earth to get them back in ACOK. But one good adjective for Catelyn is ‘dutiful’ - it’s in her house words, and it’s how she’s lived her life up to AGOT. Doing as she’s told, even when it pains her. She expects the same of her daughters, and finds those expectations satisfied in Sansa’s case, and apparently flouted in Arya’s. So again, from their own mother, Sansa internalises that Arya is bad, and that she, Sansa, is good. Arya internalises the same. If societal standards were reversed, perhaps it would be Arya lording over Sansa, but such as it is, it’s Sansa over Arya. 

Now, Sansa is a child. When children are told over and over that X is good and Y is bad, they generally don’t question it, at least until they're older and more experienced in the world. They will also parrot what they hear, often in graceless ways. Because they’re children. Sansa is told that Arya wilfully misbehaves because she’s bad, and so Sansa thinks: then I should look down on Arya. It sounds like Sansa mostly keeps her distance from her sister pre AGOT. Not always - they play together sometimes - but a lot of the time. She has internalised the teaching that Arya is an aberration, and as she herself knows the adults value obedience in girls, and she wants to please them so badly, the distance between her and Arya demonstrates to them just how good she is - she won’t descend to Arya’s behaviour. 

When Sansa does interact with Arya (pre Darry), we see her being a bit bossy - telling Arya what to do, etc. Sansa is replicating what she has seen the adults do with Arya, and is mimicking them to assert her own position as the good, obedient child. If Arya ever doesn’t want to do something, it can only be because she’s bad. 

[sidenote, it all really reminds me of these short stories me and my sister used to get read a lot as kids, called My Naughty Little Sister (lmao) by Dorothy Edwards. They're pretty old and I don’t think they ever got major circulation outside Britain, but for anyone unfamiliar, you can probably guess how these stories go. There’s an elder sister, good and obedient, who narrates short tales of her ‘naughty little sister’ doing terrible things like idk, making a terrible mess etc, and going ‘now I’m sure you [the child audience] wouldn’t do a thing like that!’ They’re supposed to be short morality tales for the children, and amuse the parent reading them aloud, who recognises the mischievous behaviour of the younger and is charmed by the haughtiness of the elder sister, who you can hear is narrating the incidents of her sister’s mischief with the disdain that she’s heard the adults do so, and is asserting her own good behaviour over said sister. And the whole fucking reason we were read these stories was because my younger sister was precisely the kind of kid who got up to all kinds of shit as a little kid (which now all of us find hilarious but DIDN’T AT THE TIME), and I was the elder sister like ‘my goodness how could she do such things as these!!’ (e.g. paint an entire bookcase with grout). It amused us both to see ourselves in the stories. You could say this was life imitating art, but I think this is simply an age old dynamic, familiar to many people with siblings: you would see how the adults spoke to another child in your family, and replicate their manner in an effort to come across as an adult. Except you weren’t an adult, so you weren’t always as graceful about it as they were. That is pre AGOT Sansa, to a T. And I’m sure that’s what GRRM, a child of three who had two sisters of his own, is replicating here.]

But I think there’s also a loneliness in being the ‘obedient child’. Doing as you’re told all the time can be boring, and living up to expectations is a lot of pressure. Sansa wants a companion in all that, but Arya has no interest in sharing in it. Arya is offering friendship, but from a place Sansa believes she can’t reach her sister - Sansa thinks she’d have to ‘descend to Arya’s level’ to accept it, and she can’t do that. You get a sense of Sansa thrilling in trying Arya’s ‘misbehaviours’ for herself when she quietly delights in behaving ‘as wicked as Arya’, but you see in this that she has to condemn such behaviours and herself for exhibiting them, all in the same breath. And in the end, I can easily imagine Sansa resents that Arya has more fun with their brothers than she ever does with Sansa herself: that the one sister she has is one she has nothing in common with. Sansa can’t find a like mind amongst her siblings, and so clings to Jeyne Poole, and the praise of the adults around her.

So with all that in mind, YES! Sansa is sometimes mean to Arya, and calls her horseface. That is because Sansa is a child, nobody is correcting her behaviour, and she understands that Arya is bad, and the way she behaves is frustrating to Sansa herself, so really what does it matter if she’s a little mean sometimes? She knows that she is good, because everyone says so. Even if she calls her sister a name now and then, she’s still the good child. 

AND THEN we get to Darry. And Sansa starts to see that society isn’t a song, and sometimes it doesn’t matter how good you are, horrible things can happen to you anyway. But she doesn’t want to believe that, because it would turn her world upside down, and her future would look a lot darker, too - Ned has not ended her engagement to Joffrey, and Sansa has to live for the foreseeable in KL. So when Arya doing the thing she ‘wasn’t supposed to’ (playing with Mycah) snowballs into a terrible miscarriage of justice where Sansa’s wolf is killed, Sansa rejects the notion that the songs could be wrong about beautiful princes, and shifts the blame onto Arya for that original 'misdemeanour'. The grief at losing Lady is terrible too (the wolves are meant to have a soul deep bond with the Stark children), and so the target of that grief likewise becomes Arya. What was previously a normal, childishly complicated sibling relationship gets twisted into something else.

This is where I think Sansa becomes different level of unpleasant towards her sister. She’s cruel about Arya’s loss of Mycah, tells Arya she wishes she were dead instead of Lady, etc etc. Arya is not giving as good as she gets here - she even tries to make amends with Sansa, but Sansa throws the offer in her face.

The reasons for Sansa’s behaviour are complicated, but not that complicated. She’s been raised to slot perfectly into this world, without ever being told what that world is really like. And when abruptly it turns out that what she’s being raised for is essentially the slaughter, she rejects it. She can’t see Joffrey as he truly is: she’s been told that princes are charming, that Kings are just, Queens are kind, and she herself will be a Queen. Sansa is going to be handed over to the Lannisters, and she’s going to live the song of her dreams, and the only thing between Sansa and the realisation of those is the thing that’s always been wrong: Bad Arya. Because again, if Arya isn't bad, then everything else is, and Sansa is in terrible danger.

No one is sitting Sansa down and explaining to her that Arya is not bad, just different from her, and that they should love one another - that there are dark forces here far stronger than them that could tear them apart, that the Lannisters are the greatest of them, and they have to fight together, not each other. Arya gets this talk, funnily enough, but not Sansa. Arya is asked to understand that Sansa is different from her, but Sansa is only ever taught to abhor that her sister as different from her. Where Arya is told to be wary of the court of King’s Landing, Ned leaves Sansa to continue her fantasies, and then, when he abruptly tries to put an end to them, he doesn’t bother to explain why. I’m not saying this is unforgivable on Ned’s part - he has a lot on his mind lol - but it’s quite obviously a major failing. Ned leaves Sansa in a fantasy world. It’s fucking Joffrey who has to step in and clarify for Sansa that actually, she’s been dreaming.

So as long as they’re together, Sansa is never able to come to terms with the fact that Arya was not the aberration, but rather, everything else was. In the absence of one another, they cannot reconcile over that fact. So yes, GRRM says they’ll have deep issues to sort through when they meet again, but those aren’t going to be the times that Sansa called her ‘horseface’ - they’re going to be about what happened since they left Winterfell, when their relationship was twisted by forces much darker than Septa Mordane. 

So no, I think the ‘Sansa is a bully’ diatribes are seriously tedious, because even if you want to insist that calling your sister ‘horseface’ a few times even qualifies, you can still accept such wrongs without deciding that that makes Sansa a fundamentally unkind person who cannot be reconciled with Arya and doesn’t deserve to be. It is on the page that the two of them miss each other. Like I genuinely cannot imagine going through everything Arya does in the story and then, upon reuniting with a sister I thought lost forever, deciding I’m actually still mad about the things she got wrong as a child that she herself has paid dearly for, both physically and emotionally. Like jesus fucking christ man. By all means let them talk about it!! But who do you think Arya is lmao

Tl;dr: Sansa is a kid in a society. She is not the arbiter of Arya’s place in society. She is not mean because she’s cruel, but because she has internalised the exact same things that Arya has, based on the example of the adults surrounding them. It just happens that those things were a carrot for Sansa and a stick for Arya. But then in the end, they weren’t a carrot for Sansa either.

tl;dr 2: clarifying once again - i am a jaime stan. i find the stark sister relationship interesting bc I have experience of a similar sisterly dynamic and find it interesting to see a version of that explored on the page. so if you think one has to be a sansa stan to observe all this then that kind of just demonstrates how dichotomous you've become on this issue lol like if I'm talking about takes I dislike re JB I don't generally feel the need to attribute them to JC fandom. let's all grow up x

tl;dr 3: no i don't hate sansa or arya, since i know these are both conclusions various people reach whenever i even mention these two. in fact i think they are both great girls! imagine

[dunmeshistash]

in regards to skin tone variation in DM, i do think a lot of it is colorism/racism too. theres a few characters of color, but not many (just like how theres some fatter characters, but none of them are main characters (even senshi & other dwarves arent really depicted as fat)).

ryoko kui has surface representation for these people, but it lacks much substance, and the brown characters she does draw arent given brown facial features, and are almost always colored with very ashy skin. a lot of them just look like a recolored white person (especially cithis, kaka, & kiki). her random portraits of characters who dont actually appear in the series otherwise tend to be much better about this, but the actual characters that show up and play a part all seem to suffer from this issue.

im not saying kui is like, super-duper racist and we all need to stop reading DM etc etc, but i think its important to recognize and point out everyday/usually-overlooked colorism & racism when we see it, and i know im not the first or only person to point this out about her character designs. if she can draw fat people and actual brown people as part of the portraits, why cant she or wont she do the same for any of the featured characters in the series?

(i know the orcs are fat, but its not a good thing the only consistently fat people are the ones who are a fantasy race based off of violent racial stereotypes, who are also pig people, while none of the main cast of "real" humans are fat except *maybe* the dwarves, who still have small waists and flat stomachs, and the lord of the island, who is depicted as corrupt & decadent)

Well yeah.

I'm just a lore blog so I don't like to get too into real life issues or make assumptions about how the author feels about these subjects. What I talked about on the skin tone post was assumptions as to why she thought it would be important to show skin tone variations on certain races as a character design choice. (In the sense that her character design is very purposeful)

I realize some people over praise Kui's designs when most of it is pretty safe for what it is, but even if it's just a step closer to better representation it's something that's rare to see in anime. So I understand why some people get so excited about it.

It is important to realize this isn't the ideal either (Dark skinned characters with the same features as the others, mostly well build characters on the thinner side) but I personally don't like to criticize these type of stories on what it "could/should have been".

As someone who is fat and not white, I'm happy we get some diversity in dungeon meshi. I hope this opens up the possibility of better character design in the future even if what we got now wasn't perfect.

It shouldn't be the case that this piece of art filled me with so much joy I teared up cause I had never seen someone with a similar body to mine drawn with so much respect and objectivity. But unfortunately that's the world we live in and I don't think it's wrong to be happy for what we get for now while acknowledging it's not perfect and that it should be better.

I'm also super happy the anime chose to make the dark characters even darker.

[teddybearsandspaceships]

For my own memory, in the hopes that Scar will put yesterday´s stream on his VODs channel because it was amazing and featured among other things:

Scar calling Etho “the Maple Prince”

Xisuma trolling Scar by mixing up Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Harry Potter

Mumbo showing Scar the llama death chamber, and Scar praising him for being weird

Scar and Mumbo having a conversation about social media and AI

Scar telling Etho not to worry and that he´s thinking about moving the mail box himself (after all he had two best-selling redstone shops so surely he´s qualified!); Etho: well now I´m worried… But right afterwards Etho says people forget that Scar is actually quite skilled at the game

Etho is just interrupting people today and Scar suggests just collecting people to procrastinate

I approve of Scar encouraging Etho to participate in MCC again

Etho asking how Scar got stamps already, Scar saying he´s been a part of a lot of Life series, Etho: “you and your wily words, you can get anything you want…”

Big Salmon decreed mercury = good

Cleo shows up! “lag busting” is the new “it lagged into my inventory”

Scar definitely not encouraging Cleo to kill all other villagers after setting up her own trading hall. Cleo wants organic free range villagers.

Cleo trying to sell the monstrosolith as a giant billboard

Cleo proved she can do valley girl voice, Scar and Etho are shocked. Then they´re discussing what "no cap" means. (Etho on stream: “big true, no cap.”) They talked about poggers, and Scar going wild with his pants off (after Cleo exploded them), and Etho didn´t know what Stitch is.

Scar starts talking about Disney and it takes him a minute to realize Cleo and Etho have run away

More maple syrup discussion (Etho telling Cleo if she likes the brand she gets it´s fine), and a frantic ride-by and log-out by Grian

Cleo and Scar want to start a cult. Etho wants to be a frat instead, something cooler. Frats have fewer rules, they´re more like “pants off, it´s fine.” Scar says he´d ask too many questions to be in a cult, Etho points out he could be cult leader. Cleo immediately offers to be his second, the person who does all the dirty work.

Shoe talk. Scar shows off his twelve-year-old shoes on stream.

Making fun of Etho´s set-up! Scar is horrified. Etho talks about his Kleenex box where his mike stands. It matches his desk! It has his settings written on it! Also his space bar broke during DO2 but he got used to it. Scar decides they need reinforcements and calls Bdubs over. Ren also shows up.

Etho mentions he didn´t get a Decked Out 2 desk mat (took to long to think about it) and Tango logs in to write in chat that he´s disappointed and logs out again

A wild Iskall approaches in the distance. Etho: trident brother!

Etho invented the minecart shuffle

Cleo: "I always want you to kill people, Scar. ...no not Etho."

And Etho leaves to shuffle snow like the Canadian cryptid he is

(how dare Ren interrupt Bdubs before he can give his current opinion on the kleenex box)

"Etho´s not one to lie" (are you sure about that? ^^)

...I look away for two seconds and did Mumbo just call himself a panda in chat. I was later told: a panda fiat! Which is a car, and Iskall is a Ferrari

Moonlanding with Gem! And some talk about bases and criticism. Gem: "I love making Etho mad," “Let Etho be mad,” What´s he gonna do, all he´s gonna do is go oh snappers ^^ "Scar, you are my Etho"

[bagopucks]

J. Drysdale - Lady May

✄————————————

Jamie Drysdale x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Warning(s): Nonnneee, just sweetness <3

This was that Jamie fic I’d been saving for a rainy day. Just something mediocre and small to get everybody through the drought of content. You lot are always on my mind.

Much love

-Ella

—————————————

I'm a stone's throw from the mill

And I'm a good walk to the river

When my workin' day is over

We'll go swim our cares away

He beams down at his phone, the contact name of his lovely girlfriend popping up. Jamie has to pick up. There’s not a single scenario he can think of, where he wouldn’t pick up.

You’re rambling. Excited. Jamie’s coming home, and you just can’t wait.

He’s promised to get you out of the house when he returns. He doesn’t want your reuniting to be spent with Trevor. So he promised he would take you out. He mentioned the beach once or twice, it’s the only thing you can think of now.

Put your toes down in the water

And a smile across your face

And tell me that you love me

He smiles as he watches you run down the sand. The sun has begun setting over Anaheim. Jamie is happy. You are happy. He knows by the look in your eyes when your feet hit water and you’re turning to look at him. You smile too. You always smile when you’re with him.

Nothing makes him happier.

Except the whispers of, ‘I love you’ as you lay on a towel in the sand, staring up at the stars and imagining your futures together.

And as you turn back around, he is left to his nerves. The ultimate excitement of what is to come. He couldn’t imagine his future without you. The mere thought pains him. So he imagines the past you’ve both shared instead.

Lovely, Lady May

Jamie would do anything for you.

Now I ain't the sharpest chisel

That your hands have ever held

But, darlin', I could love you well

Til' the roll is called on high

Jamie smiles when you ease him through things. When Trevor makes fun of him for not knowing something, or when he feels horrible for missing out on or forgetting something you want to do. He always apologizes. You always assure him that you could never truly resent him.

He likes to remind you though, that he does love you. And you know he does. His love speaks volumes when nobody is watching. You prefer his love that way. He does too.

I've seen my share of trouble

And I've held my weight in shame

Jamie grins through the pain. Nothing hurts worse than hearing his performance on the ice being criticized from all sides. He hates especially, to be alone when it’s happening.

But you’re there. Whether it’s in person or on the phone. You remind him of your pride. You remind him that the game is changing, and sometimes the old dinosaurs simply do not know what they’re talking about. You remind him, that no matter his faults, he is a good man.

But I'm baptized in your name

Lovely, Lady May

Jamie would cross oceans for you.

Lord, the wind can leave you shiverin'

As it waltzes o'er the leaves

It's been rushin' through my timber

Jamie could grin through the loneliness. He hated being alone. He hated not having someone to go home to, but he put on a good front when he had to.

He was the new kid on the Ducks. Nobody wanted to hear about his hardships. Even if the move away from home was difficult. Even if he missed his mother. Even if he missed his home.

Til' your love brought on the spring

He smiled wider when he met you. Bright and beaming. Excited and youthful. You were his saving grace. You were the end to his loneliness. You were his peace, and his comfort.

Now the mountains all are blushin'

And they don't know what to say

'Cept a good long line of praises

Nothing makes him smirk more pridefully, than watching you accomplish your dreams. He’s smug knowing he’s with a woman who can conquer the kingdoms of her professions. Jamie can think of nothing but loving words for you when he sees the obstacles you’ve climbed. Sees you holding your diploma. Sees you getting your dream job. If anybody ever asked him to write a song about you, it would be as full of life and wonder as you are.

For my lovely, Lady May

Jamie would move mountains at your beckon call.

Now, I ain't the toughest hickory

That your ax has ever felt

Jamie smiles when he cries. Because he knows you’re there to hold him. It’s not always a physical smile, but an internal one. He can be the ugliest crier in the universe and it wouldn’t change a thing. You’ll hold him until he’s safe from the world around him.

But I'm a hickory just as well

I'm a hickory all the same

He’s beaming when he gets to do the same. Jamie loves paying it forward. Especially with you. You patch his cut finger, he’s ready with a first aid kit when you get something in your eye. He’s strong despite his gentle exterior, and he will always support you when he knows you simply can’t hold yourself.

I came crashin' through the forest

As you cut my roots away

Jamie smiled when he knew you had sunken his battle ships. When he no longer had the strength to fight his feelings. He smiled again when he realized that all along, you had put forward endless amounts of effort to get him to fall for you.

And I fell a good long ways

And Jamie smiles now.. watching you hold the child you brought into this world. He never thought he could have seen more wonder in your eyes than he sees now. He finds it astounding that the world never broke you. He finds it even more mesmerizing, that it was your resilience that pushed back against the universe for years before him. He falls deeper and deeper in love with you, each time he hears your gentle voice coo to your child.

He cant imagine a world without you. Now he can’t imagine a world without you, and his beautiful baby girl.

For my lovely, Lady May

And Jamie beams all the same when he puts one knee in the sand, awaiting the inevitable moment you’ll turn from the ocean, to peer upon the ring he held so delicately. Like he wishes to hold you.

For far longer than eternity.

[bi-hop]

coming back to the kabru is like jesus if he was judas comparison. I think it's interesting that kabru always knew that he couldn't be the one to conquer the dungeon so he wanted to find people who could and support them, because he knows he's an excellent judge of character.

but the thing is, he still wants to be the hero. he still has a saviour complex. he's still envious that laios of all people is the one who has the potential to beat the mage. i think he wanted to be the one™ in some way . he *needed* to be needed by laios, he wanted to be like hermes, a psychopomp, or maybe charon, the ferryman that guides laios. so when laios /ignored/ him (not laios' fault truly he just . bad timing. sorry kabru) he felt resentful and yet even more determined to get in laios' orbit, to be the light. to be important in his eyes, like, judas when he said to the woman who used expensive oil to clean jesus ' feet. he said "why not just give it to the poor?" because he wanted praise. he wanted his teacher to look at him and go "look, i listened to you! i know what you teach!"

thats why laios rubbed off on him and he used a nutrition metaphor even because hes like. he wants to be jesus (the one to sacrifice himself and save the world from the dungeons to prevent another utaya) but hes judas (the adversary. the supporter from the shadows. the one who shows the soldiers (canaries) who jesus is. the one who " reported " him in the first place)

anyway yeah I think he has. a Jesus complex and when he met Laios he got mad with envy because he realized he was Judas help me

this is so good, turning it over in my head.

an element of kabru's character that grabbed me early on and is reinforced as he begins to bet on laios is his preoccupation with morality. people complain about the murder (bc people are lame BUT I DIGRESS!) but don't typically focus on the justifications he gives. even without knowing about the demon's nature, he is able to understand that greed and violence will only beget more of the same as those who can adapt will turn worse and those who cannot will be exploited or flee. for him, it's like ripping out weeds from a garden to protect what he cherishes.

I agree that he feels very self-critical when he finally admits that he can't be the knight in shining armor that he wants to be, due to his inability to survive as long as he wants in the dungeon. even without the motivation of going back to save falin, laios and his party had already went further on a regular basis than he has.

(shake me if I'm remembering wrong, but when we first meet kabru's party, isn't it one of their first times ever successfully making it to the third floor? lmao.)

and so the point to me was always that, yes, kabru wants to be the guy and yes, his party supports him as the guy, but realistically? he'd need someone else to at the very least support him. but he's very practical so it made immediate sense to me that he'd start looking for someone who he can either trust to take on the role or who is capable enough to get to a point where kabru could then take over. (again, all pre-finding out what being a dungeon lord truly means)

despite the latter being an option though, kabru's preoccupation with morality still stands. if he was truly the cold rational being some people seem to see him as, it would have been simple to simply throw his lot in with the first strong yet horrible person he observed. but he's picky selective. even with laios as his choice, he's CONSTANTLY fighting The Demons about it. his nightmare alone makes it clear that he has extremely well-rooted doubts and fears about what laios might do.

^ funniest page ever to me btw

but despite that, he still continually does the work of supporting him, albeit with a lot of setbacks and complications OADSJDODSOJD

i don't necessarily think the lens that we're currently taking is what ryoko intended but to conclude it is funny the themes of betrayal because technically kabru does betray laios' trust once lycion's like "ayo, he hates monster food btw, he's a SNAKE" and then he fumbles his way into... sort of regaining it? kinda? of course, by post-canon, he has it fully back, but speaking exclusively of the main story here.

[castlebyersafterdark]

I was always so confused why people think Will being emotional is a bad thing because I thought we as a society had mostly moved on from the “boys don’t cry” nonsense that used to plague us. I mean, it’s not like Will is the first emotional male protagonist! Based on how people act, you’d think every male protagonist was some kind of super stoic! Also, music culture had shifted tremendously, right? Was there not a whole era where emo music was popular, which led into emo rap music, both of which were male-dominated?

But then I realized that while guys are often allowed to be more emotional in music/in the arts, the top male artists currently are all more “traditional” cause there’s still that stigma (hence why morgan wallen will always be more popular than troye sivan). And even with male protagonists who are more sensitive/emotional (Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon, Samwise and Frodo, Luke Skywalker, Percy Jackson, Aang from ATLA, even Harry Potter!), there is still a tacit expectation that they’ll “grow out of it” and have their big, damn hero moment. People are STILL mad at Aang for not killing the Fire Lord and for being “whiny,” and many of them think he doesn’t “deserve” to be with Katara because of it.

Male characters like Will are truly rare, and I’d say they’re confined largely to indie films, but even so, most characters similar to Will are girls. And it’s not because Will is particularly flamboyant. He’s more “feminine” for sure, but still in a boyish way. He’s a boy with boy interests like star wars who is still deeply emotional and sensitive and artistic and kind- and that’s genuinely terrifying and confusing to people. I think a good analogue is Gordie in Stand By Me? But that came out a long time ago. And Will is probably more emotional.

Will is super rare, and a lot of people don’t know what to do with him, so they make him out to be this anime crybaby caricature, or they focus on his bowlcut. I value these kinds of traits in male characters, but so many people don’t, way more than I realized. People don’t see the massive amounts of quiet bravery he has. They just see this weak, useless, wimpy boy who cries, who can’t accept that Mike doesn’t like him like that, who “can’t even defend El from being bullied.” I saw this one Reddit post this week where someone was saying he should have punched those bullies in Cali, because everyone knows the only way to be a man is to use physical force 🙄

You see this in the recent american election too, with people- and not just fringe people, but people with huge influence like tucker carlson- casually calling tim walz “gay” because of his emotional demeanor, despite the fact that he’s a married heterosexual man who hunts and coaches football. Gender essentialism is back. People- even those who aren’t actively anti-LGBTQ rights- see everyone who doesn’t fit a narrow standard of masculinity as being a “soy cuck beta liberal,” and it’s so disheartening to see. And it doesn’t help that Will IS gay, so that adds to people not liking him (or not WANTING to relate to him). I think these people picked the wrong show to stan, but that can’t be helped now. They’re in for a rude awakening come Season 5 when Byler happens…

We have most definitely not moved on from men being emotional being seen as a bad thing or unacceptable. I think things do improve, I think there’s sometimes a perception that things are better/worse than they are. An annoying yes and no situation. Overwhelmingly - you do not get praised or rewarded by society by being emotional and a man. Or, hell, not emotional and a woman either but that's a whole other conversation.

But good examples, it's true many will love characters like those because of their sensitivity and how they tap into emotion - but many will cruelly criticize them. Will? Yeah, he cries on screen. For valid reasons. He tears up often and easily. I think it's healthy to let your emotions play out authentically and he's a male character who does that. And he's not rewarded. What are his two cliches by casual fans? Bowlcut. Crybaby. Ughh. Shut up.

It's a societal fear of vulnerability and men cannot be that, right? It's very pervasive, especially now it seems to have taken a big swing back this way.

Anyway. Will and his personality and reliance on emotional expression are reasons I personally love him as is the case for his fanbase. And as is the case with his writers/creators! That's how he's written. And it's not done as criticism. That's how he is. So, regardless of society at large - opposed to common belief, public opinion does not dictate what happens in the show. Our Will is our Will, exactly how he is, and I do agree. I think all too many are watching the wrong show.

[daystarvoyage]

Hi! I read somewhere about someone not liking Luz's ending since she "didn't grow as a person" at the end of the owl house. They said that she only became more depressed or traumatized but she's still the same cheerful and helpful girl like in the first episode of season 1. Do you agree?

Hello Hope you have a great day from the brown sugar queen, I know it’s late by the time you get this so ima clear a lot,

time for the tea.

Now i have all the love and heart for my girl Luz Noceda but lemme me tell you her personality made me look at how she was handled gave me a SIDE-EYE besides that,

Yes, i agree on this, definitely,

I felt That the crew wanted to do so much with the show but felt they had no idea writing Luz, however they too had there drawbacks, Yes I LOVE LUZS CHARACTER AND SHE IS SELFLESS A GOOD FRIEND (even if it’s the wrong person) Loyal, and cheerful. How we get moments that

Luz's character can be bastardized!

i feel fans try to view her as this bubbly girl boss, we know and love, however we overlook her flaws cause of discourse. she’s this impressionable, unruly, explosive girl with self imaging issues & unresolved grief, that effected her lifestyle.

I truly do depict her as a girl failure which ill get to a list of reasons, I’ll be getting into

EDITED its Masculization

heres a term masculinization comes to her character writing, style-wise, cause this word has been used throughout the animation to the point it’s a trope.

Now let’s get down to reasons why, she gets to the way she is.

Luz wants to do so much for others, that she hasn't practiced learning about self-love and acceptance, it all backtracks in her past of her deceased father & trying to relate to earth kids with opposite interests that can be harmful.

I felt they truly had fun time to an extent how they can push her in a negative direction, (this goes for hunter which I’ll do a post/video soon.)

how they wanted her to be more of an edge lord along the series run, (and the proper writing of the show didn’t help.)

Heck to the point in season 3, she never interacted with anyone on earth in her school, which is concerning, cause that can lead to self-harm or failed relationships, also known people as kikimora or talking to her other friends in season 3 coulda gave her a wake up call.

ALSO CAN WE BRING UP LYING TO HER LOVE ONES OUT OF NO WHERE! Season 1

DRAGGING THEM THROUGH MORTAL PERIL IN SEASON 2!

AND NO NEURODIVERAGENCE DOESNT EXCUSE BAD BEHAVIOR OR BLACK FEATURES BEING MINIMIZED.

2.They should've let a POC (person of color) write Luz cause of how she turned out Personality-wise throughout the series, which I rewatched, along critic videos and yes even in season 3 they decided to make her some shonen wannabe edge lord,(A wannabe Pokemon Goh But more emo.)

Luz's is flawed, as a character & written wise, felt the show didn’t know how to write for POC, cause fans who are another ethnicity might view this, and say oh, where portrayed as this etc, but without our black features or even how where portrayed in society in social norms.

Yes I did a post on her fashion & wardrobe and how it affects a character, boy they got my girl looking a hobo at times. ( and the good so called hair symbolism could’ve made Luz even better.)

ALSO (I may be ranting but hope ya listen)

Hated how they tried to Mary Sue her at certain episodes when she's faced with problems or issues that can affect everyone in dire times, for example,

her willingness to learn magic, which she can be impressionable and wanting Praise for the wrong reasons, but To be loved I Understand.

She is a person wanting acceptance and tolerance ( which that whole wanting to be understood season 3 dialogue could've been for season 1), just to be liked by a new world, would have fleshed out her character more, and given the viewers and her friends reasoning why she does staggering things.

also when she wanted to get to learn magic from her sensei, Knowing Eda knew how unpredictable & reckless at times luz can be, but Eda has her issues. throughout 4 episodes I think its been dragged out she has done stupid things to put others in harm's way even OWLBERT.

3.she can act nonchalant & ambivalent in dire situations, (to the point her friends should've Gotten angry with her actions, GUS AND WILLOW PERIOD) But don't worry all that's being glazed with the Mary Sue trope, discourse, & her being submissive to amity,

which she can take many stabbings and hits for a cause you know all is well with a Good ship. INSERT SARCASM

tragically i do feel she ended up a girl failure, But they Try hard at girl bossing her up, cause she was put in situations where she didn't have dire punishments and consequences. plus excepting a power she had no choice accepting at the season finale,

Comment below for more, about how Luz should be improved or the fact the series could've written her better.

Hopes this answers all your questions, have a great starlight day. glad we can unlock the topic with a key, & sip some tea.

A VIDEO I DID DOWN BELOW FOR MORE ON LUZ.

[oatmealdaydreams]

Roman Headcanons (A Rant)

I have Roman Sanders brainrot. So yeah, some headcanons I got. In list form.

You can thank these two -> @prodigal-explorer & @disneybrandautism

Warnings: discussion of gaslighting & manipulation & emotional abuse & victim-blaming & intrusive thoughts

90% of this is just from observations I made while watching canon.

[read below the cut]

My Roman Headcanons

autistic Roman w/ a Disney special interest (@disneybrandautism introduced me to this one)

Roman who happy stims by bouncing on his feet and jumping in place and flapping his hands

Roman who cannot keep still (always gotta be moving)

insecurities, so many things, can some pls hug him

touch-starved Roman

autistic Roman in general

has an overworking problem (based on him needing to be "perfect")

man has been gaslit so many times, dear lord

horrible perfectionism

feels like he's only good at being used but not even that anymore (think of SvS Redux and just how Janus has treated him the entire time)

often feels useless

works to an unhealthy degree for any ounce of praise and positive attention

keeps getting victim-blamed, so he believes no one will ever trust what he says or does no matter what

^also thinks it's all his fault most of the time, so he apologizes for a lot (that he shouldn't need to apologize for)

feels like he has no support so there's no use in "burdening" people with his problems

LOVES Beauty and The Beast and The Lion King

has a Disney-themed nightlight (fear of the dark, anyone?)

struggles with his own intrusive thoughts due to all his mistreatment and he doesn't even realize what they are for a long while

everything that being the Ego entails (is a bit fragile towards criticism)

being the Ego means he needs positive attention and praise but he's very deprived of that

lashes out in anger cause of the Others confusing him (see SvS Redux, basically)

as the Ego, he needs clear structure of right and wrong & in general, but he ain't getting that it seems

did I mentioned Touch-Starved Roman yet?

boyo feels a bit hopeless and unloved at this point

is one fierce protector of everyone he loves (even those who keep hurting him)

is held to insane expectations

selfless to an unhealthy point, me thinks

blames himself for a lot

may struggle with body dysmorphia sometimes

I cannot stop thinking about she/he Roman

is like a knight cause he just wants to keep everyone safe n stuff

actually pays attention to a lot, so he knows exactly how to make someone feel better on a bad day

will spoil those he loves at every chance he gets

apologizes when he makes a wrong and keeps his promises to do better

likes long skirts and big puff skirts cause it makes him feel like a royal <3

very much enjoys dualling his brother in the Imagination

love language is physical affection/Squish Me Into The Aether

has some fidget toys in his room, both for himself and if anyone visiting needs one

loves the f*ck out of his spinner ring (a lil fidget ring ya can spin on your finger)

Burnout, but sometimes can get literal

when there's a creative block or burnout, Roman's insecurities get hella amplified

talks with his hands

may also have a theatre/musical-based special interest and loves acting so much

Theatre Kid(tm)

would NOT be a popular kid in Highschool AU, but instead just an expressive but perfectionist theatre kid who's held to impossible standards

scared to speak his mind cause he always gets shut down for it (on some level)

values the Others very much, all for different reasons, but just really loves them

has a very big heart

naive and sometimes trusts too easily

good-natured banter that people don't always take well (they mistake it for insults, which he doesn't intend)

misses his brother actually

feels like he doesn't have anyone to turn to

loves movie nights, especially when it's Disney

will banter and bicker with Virgil and Remus and Logan as a love language

is a bit hesitant around Janus and Patton cause he's terrified of getting things wrong (yet again)

still very much cares about Janus, but feels so betrayed by him and Patton that it's very hard to be around the both of them

looked up to Patton but we saw how that went, didn't we?

is so Passionate and Lively with his writing!! loves it so much

Creativity but also Ego so he bases his worth on whatever praise his works bring/what he can do and produce for Thomas

^(makes me think that having his Creativity also be his Ego may mean c!Thomas feels his worth is based on whatever creative work he can produce? huh.)

has a dragon plushie (comfort item) that matches with one that Remus has, from when they were younger and closer

takes care of everything he owns to an almost perfectionist point, and same goes for those he loves

cares deeply about things

has a tendency to get emotionally attached to his creations and goes through an inexplainable grief when something gets ruined or lost or get a little "pooped on"

likes to paint his nails, has a signature look of red nails with gold crowns on them

polishes/sharpens his sword at night to help him think

insomniac cause Creative Drive is active at night

Loves Virgil and his protectiveness/mother hen tendencies, loves Remus for his never-ending ideas/inspiration (Creativity) and him always just being himself, love Patton for his big heart and ability to handle Emotions cause that's a lot of work, loves Logan for his intelligence and sharing a love for Crofter's and for when how animated he gets when he talks about something he likes, loves Janus for keeping everyone safe (even if he doesn't exactly like him rn) and how he can help people out of their own lies, and loves Thomas because he's their centre and he means everything to Roman

And lots more!! Roman has now taken over my Think Tank. I shan't ever escape.

[zeno-zero]

A honest review of The Reckoning Of Roku.

Spoilers! Beware!!

While I do have complaints and deemed some of the changes uncanon because it doesn't fit at all in the narrative of "The Avatar and The Fire Lord (S3, EP 6)" and definitely had a hard time comprehending with the changes in Bendings, I actually did had an enjoyable reading experience.

Sure, Randy Ribay's writing has an odd pace and I get lost in the novel sometimes mainly because one, I forget things easily and two, I genuinely don't understand wtf is going on most of the time due to how I accidentally skimmed through it to which I'm sincerely sorry for. I will definitely re-read it sooner or later.

But my gosh, this book actually deserves some at least a chance to give a try in reading. I was actually skeptical about it at first because I only knew some leaks and the retcons actually made me frustrated to the point I just didn't wanna hear any about it anymore. If it weren't for one of my closest friends that brings a shining light upon the book that changed my perspective as a whole, which piques my interest and my curiosity growing bigger and bigger - I wouldn't even be making this! This book definitely deserve the praise on some areas that should be known for while also needing some criticisms.

I liked some of the cast [kinda], the world-building and the expansion is great! But what I really love the most is there are definitely some Filipino culture being influenced into the story instead of being simply being brushed aside (which isn't really a suprise! Randy Ribay is a Filipino author after all.)

Gyatso and Roku's arc compliment with each other so well, and the intimacy between the two of them is really sweet that it made me teary-eyed. It's a rough patch at the start that turned into such a wonderful, lovely friendship that really impacted Roku as a whole during his adulthood. Though expected yet endearing, it really explains why Roku's ideology and philopshy is similar to an Air Nomad. Yet, in a desperate and cling to life situations, that ideology and philopshy also have to be let go (Gyatso.)

AND I do know the whole plot happened because of Sozin, but I'm so pissed at him before he had done so diabolical that I literally had my hand over my head - stressed and hurt. I just.. genuinely hate it when Roku's perspective shifted to Sozin despite the circumstances that has given to Roku is so much more important to whatever Sozin is doing right now, but I understand that it's supposed to keep us tensed and it is to want us to delve deeper into the story. But oh my gosh I kept wishing Sozin just explodes so Roku can be much more focused!! His name is in the title!!! This isn't the "The Significance of Sozin" 💔

Ta Min being so much more than Roku's wife and actually has two professions, her insightfulness is interesting as well as Ta Min taking a liking on a boyfailure of an Avatar a.k.a Roku. While I do wish we could've seen more about it, especially in their adulthood where it will definitely feel more established. But it is still nice either way! <3 Ugh, I love Ra Min (along with Gyatku..)

There is so much to talk about it and I still have mutiple opinions that is packaged with issues.. and overwhelmed feelings... and lots of headcanons - but this is my first time reading an actual book from of the Avatar Studios, and oh boy, it's awesome!

[erenmusic]

Revisiting The Life of Pablo and ''Old Kanye'' in 2024

Seeing how Kanye has been acting recently and the quality of his music going down in recent years, especially with the unfinished mess that was Vultures 2 got me to revisit The Life of Pablo (TLOP), Which in my opinion is Kanye's most interesting and creative project to date. It has been a long time and his style has changed a lot since then, so Could TLOP be considered Old Kanye now? Lets see.

The album starts out with the song ''Ultralight Beam'' which sets the Tone for the whole album, giving a feeling of holiness in its sound, and the child's voice at the start praising the lord definitely makes what Kanye's trying to make you feel here very obvious. It is a song to get you ready for what's to come in this album, starting off calm and slow and ending with choir sounds that then lead into some of the best-produced songs ever created in ''Father Stretch My Hands'' parts 1 and 2. My favorite sample from the album comes from an old '70s choir band and it is actually crazy how well Kanye uses these old-timey sounds and makes something that feels brand new and so different from other stuff we got in 2016, it is honestly sad to see how far he's fallen from the peaks on this album. that's not to say that part 1 doesn't have some pretty questionable lines like this one here,

However the songs are still very fun and man is that instrumental good. It can almost get me to forgive any wack line Kanye comes up with.

After the Trip that is both of those songs you make your way to Famous which has one of the best instrumental parts on the whole album.

This part where the Woman singing reminds me of Jazz musicians doing scat and the idea of using unintelligible noises to make stuff sound good is just so cool.(also really reminds me of The Great Gig in the Sky by Pink Floyd where the feeling is given to you not with words but with sheer vocals) Bam bam Bilam Bam was stuck in my head for years after listening to this album.

Unfortunately I think after this song the album does go on bit of a slow streak. Feedback is a fun song but I see it as almost like a filler episode, songs like Low Lights and Highlights never really stuck with me and I don't love the skits and freestyles he does on this album so I will skip them for this review except obviously the song that defined kanye for the rest of his career after this album

The song I Love Kanye really shows us what he was going for on this album. Shutting up all the critics, saying and showing us he is better than his old self, he is confident in knowing this new experimental stuff IS really better and he shows us that he is always ahead of the game. After understanding how Kanye saw himself in 2016 now we can see the opposite situation happening today. Kanye with his new albums like Vultures 2 still imagines himself as a pioneer and the unfinished experimental sound does feel similar to how it was in 2016 However the difference this time is that (at least in my opinion I might feel very different on the album in a couple years, maybe I don't appreciate Vultures 2 enough and I will come to love it later on in life.) the songs are simply less creative and he doesn't have the same messaging and just straight passion that went into TLOP. Vultures 2 feels commercial and it feels like Kanye is trying to cling to success while TLOP was a definitive part of Kanye's career while he was already extremely successful, He didn't need to prove himself he could have fun, have bad bars, and also still make great music. Now it just feels like Kanye is taking the piss on every song, Not even trying to make something artsy, and just wants to be shocking so people will still pay attention to him hence the whole tirade about Jewish people. (Maybe it really is the Nox that got to him.)

To get back to the Album at hand, after the halfway point of ''I Love Kanye'' you get great songs like Waves which really holds up in its production and Wolves with even more amazing production, what makes Wolves special I think is that it has some very different messaging about the modern dating life of people, saying that everyone is in danger of being taken advantage even Mary would be at risk being soured in this day and age is what I get from that song, Definitely an interesting perspective and definitely a Kanye perspective on things.

When you get towards the end of the Album there is a bit of a shift in tone, Kanye gets serious again. (except for Facts which is just a diss song against Nike lol) the main two songs I want to focus on at the end of the Album is probably 2 of the best songs on it. Firstly we have to get to No More Parties In LA. Not only does this song have some of the best bars and overall meaningful lyrics on the album it actually sounds so good that the song has not aged a day in my opinion. if Kendrick and Kanye came out with a song on the same level as No More Parties in LA this morning, it would shoot up to Number 1 and kill everything else on the billboard lists.

Lastly and most importantly we get to the Titular and in my opinion the best song on the album Saint Pablo. This song touches on many points and just sounds amazing start to finish, I love the vocals that Sampha does in his verse and especially the Bridges and choruses in between,

he adds a really nice and mellow tone to the song and the lines for example ''wondering where's god in your nightlife'' stick with you.

Overall I love this album very much however there are a couple dud songs in there now that I listened to it again. However even though they are some mid-level songs, man do the Good ones keep the album together. I love the concept, the whole idea of Kanye being unapologetic about being himself, not being afraid to say what he wants and the fact that the songs on here are undeniably super important to Music history since it came out. You can hear the influence this album has on Rap music still and almost every song on here still holds up. unfortunately though at this point I think we can even classify The TLOP era as Old Kanye considering how much he has fallen off since this album.

[blackbutler-sideblog]

Dadbastian Week Day 3: Trick or Treat

30 MINUTES BEFORE THE DAY IS OVER LET'S GOOOOO!!!

Anyway, this became a lot longer than I intended to but y'know what.. It is what it is lol. I hope everyone had an awesome Halloween and I hope you enjoy this spooky-themed story! Please let me know what y'all think and remember, constructive criticism is always allowed! Just a quick note: the story that Bard tells here is a real urban legend that I tweaked a little bit.

The Halloween party was a great success.

The idea of combining the traditions of Halloween from different cultures had been an excellent idea if he said so himself. The villagers were thoroughly impressed by the festive decorations, having never seen a Halloween party quite like this before. There were lights and jack-o-lanterns strewn about all throughout the garden. Paper lanterns shaped like witches and ghosts hung carefully from the trees which several children tried (and failed) to jump up and grab. Adults and children alike enjoyed the many activities provided, from apple bobbing to pumpkin carving. It was more messy than he would have liked but at least the villagers would continue to praise his young master's name.

Speaking of the young master, he appeared to be absolutely tuckered out. The Earl had never been one for social gatherings of any kind, but he especially loathed the ones where he was the host. Having to make sure he spoke to everyone was attended was exhausting for the boy, and it did not help that most of the attendants were children who pulled on the tail of his costume while begging him for candy.

Seeing the master so flustered was an amusing sight he must admit.

But now, the sun had long since set and the last of the guests trickled out of the garden, leaving behind apple cores and candy wrappers that Sebastian would now have to clean up. But first, he must attend to the young lord who desperately wanted to get out of these "stupid rags" as he called them. He had already ripped the plastic horns off of his head throwing them down in what could only be described as the beginnings of a tantrum. Oh, how cranky the young master gets when he is sleepy.

"Awww are you going to bed, young master?"

Finny whined through the fake fangs still in his mouth, committed to wearing his vampire costume for as long as possible. The gardener had been absolutely thrilled with the night's festivities, having more fun than all of the children in attendance combined. Bard had commented on how it'll be impossible to "get the kid to shut up and hit the hay" tonight, but Sebastian had the sense that the chef had been riling Finny up all night with stories and candy.

"Yes. It's late and I'm tired."

"Can't you please stay up a little longer? Bard promised he tell us one more story!" The gardener begged, something that was a bit out of character for him. Though it was normal for Finny to bother the young master, often trying to get the boy to read to him or play cards when he had free time, he usually left him alone after a single dismissal.

"Ugh. No, Finny. I want to go to bed."

"Oh, please, young master! Pretty pretty please with sugar on top! He says it's going to be a real good one and I have some chocolate left over we can share and Mey-rin and Snake are going to stay up late too and—"

"FINE! Fine. Just quit shouting." Ciel relented, shoulders hunched and his frown deepening.

Sebastian tsked. "Now, young master, you have a busy schedule tomorrow—"

"And you don't think I know that? Shut up and let's get this over with..."

"But, my lord—"

The boys already were turned away, Finny dragging Ciel gently (as gently as he could) behind him. Sebastian sighed. Ciel was already more irate than a horse with an abscessed hoof. Coaching the boy out of bed in the morning will be nearly impossible if he stays up much longer.

Sebastian followed the pair back outside where everyone, minus Tanaka who had retired for the night about half an hour ago, was seated around one of the tables. They were all still in costume, munching away at the leftover lollies and chocolate bars. Within the minute head start Ciel had, he had already seated himself between Finny and Mey-rin, halfway through angrily eating one of his famous Funtom Bars.

'So that was the real motive' Sebastian thought to himself, using all of his willpower to not roll his eyes in front of the Earl.

Bard looked up, noticing Sebastian's sudden presence.

"Ahh, so even the butler is intrigued to hear my story of fright and terror." He said with a strange, high-pitched voice, wiggling and bending his fingers for some reason. Finny and Mey-rin laughed at his antics. Ciel and Snake seemed unimpressed.

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow.

"Baldroy, have you been drinking?"

"Eh? Uh..." The chef's face quickly turned red, causing Mey-rin and Finny to laugh even harder. "It was just a little. I swear!"

"Who cares? Can we get on with the story please so I can go to bed?" Ciel grumbled, taking another violent bite out of chocolate.

"Oh, yeah. Of course! Let's see." Bard sputtered, happy to change the subject from his drinking habits back to the reason they were all gathered outside in the first place. He cleared his throat.

Deep in the remote heart of the woods, there lived a family in a cabin far removed from the rest of the village. One day, the mother and father decided to leave for a week, venturing into town, and entrusted their young son to keep watch over the house.

Although the boy had never been without his parents before, he felt unafraid. They had gifted him a large and loyal dog, a faithful companion, to keep him company and protect him. Every night, the dog would rest under the boy's bed, ever vigilant and prepared to defend his master from any potential intruders. Yet, despite his trust in his dog, the boy couldn't help but feel a tinge of fear as the sun dipped below the horizon. The woods grew dark and silent, and one could never be certain of what lurked among the trees. When anxiety kept him from falling asleep, the boy would extend his hand over the side of his bed, and his dog would softly lick his fingers, a reassuring reminder that a guardian was close by.

On the third night, the boy was stirred from his slumber by an unexpected sound.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Had he forgotten to turn off the faucet before retiring to bed? He rushed out of his bed, hurrying to the kitchen to inspect the sink. As it turned out, he had not fully closed the faucet, permitting a constant but subtle drip to trickle from the tap. He tightened it, returned to his room, slipped back into bed, and allowed his dog to comfort him with a few reassuring licks, ultimately drifting into peaceful sleep once more.

...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

'What? The dripping sound again?' thought the boy, awakening for a second time that night. But he had indeed turned off the kitchen faucet. Could another faucet have been left on? Subconsciously, the boy reached under the bed, his dog eagerly licking his fingers. It was okay. His loyal protector was still there. Empowered by his unwavering pet, the boy leaped from his bed once more and rushed to the bathroom. Perhaps the troublesome dripping sound originated from there.

And indeed, the source of the annoyance was the leaky tub faucet. He must have forgotten to close it completely after his bath that night. Just as in the kitchen, the boy tightened it as much as he could and returned to his room. He jumped back into bed, his hand finding its place under the bedframe, where a few more soothing licks from his dog helped calm his nerves and guide him back to sleep.

...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

...

How could the dripping persist? The boy was now genuinely frightened. He had checked both the kitchen and the bathroom, leaving no other faucet unexamined. Anxious and trembling, he lowered his hand from the bed's edge. At first, there was nothing, and his heart pounded as his limb dangled limply over the mattress. Then, the gentle touch of his dog's tongue graced his fingers, an immediate source of comfort. He exhaled, releasing his tension. There was no reason to be afraid; his dog remained at his side.

In the stillness, the boy focused, attempting to identify the source of the dripping sound.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was close, too close. Could there be a hole in the ceiling? Was it the sound of rain?

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Wait. The dripping emanated from his room, too loud to originate elsewhere.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was coming from his cupboard!

Irritation replaced the boy's fear. This was the third time this infernal dripping noise had disturbed his sleep, and it had been inside his cupboard all along. He yanked the cupboard's handles open with a huff. What could possibly make such a noise within the confines of a dusty old cupboard? He gripped the handles tightly, swung open the doors, and froze.

There, suspended by a rope, was his loyal dog, lifeless. Its throat had been cruelly slit, and its blood dripped slowly onto the cupboard's floor.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

He screamed, devastated by the sight of his beloved pet.

In a panicked rush, he fled from his room to the kitchen, intent on seeking help. Something was going horribly wrong! But upon reaching the front door, he froze once again, gripped by terror. In blood, a sinister message was scrawled on the door: "Humans Can Lick Too!"

—

At first, no one reacted to Bard's facile story, not to Sebastian's surprise. He did not find it particularly scary and evidently, neither did anyone else.

"'I don't get it.' Says Emily." Snake finally broke the silence. "Why was there writing on the door?"

"You don't get it?! There was obviously a person under the bed! That's who was licking the kid's hand!" Bard shouted.

"That's gross, Bard!" Mey-rin added.

"It's supposed to be gross! It's a horror story! Do you people not know that Halloween is supposed to be scary?"

"But it wasn't scary! It was sad! That poor dog..." Finny sniffled, focusing more on the dog's death than the actual point of the story. Bard should have known better than to bring up such a subject matter with the ever-so-sensitive Finny.

"Calm down, kid. It's just a story."

"Quite a stupid story, might I add." Ciel finally commented the hand that once held his chocolate bar now supported the boy's cheek as he leaned an elbow on the table. He had a single brow raised and a quizzical look on his face. "How would they have running water if they lived far in the woods?"

"Oi! Quit knitpicking! See if I'll ever tell you lot another story!" Bard gumbled, crossing his arms and sulking deeper into his chair.

"Good! We don't want to hear your stories! Look, you've made Finny cry!" Mey-rin declared, gesturing over to the gardener who now held his face in his hand and was shaking with sobs, obviously distraught over the fate of a fictional dog.

Ciel rolled his eye, a pronounced dark circle forming right under it.

"Alright. I've had enough 'fun' for one night." He stood from his chair stretching an arm above his head as he let out a deep yawn. "I'm going to bed. Come, Sebastian."

Sebastian sighed. He no doubt would be the one to have to calm Finny down once the Earl was put to bed. He should have stopped this nonsense story as soon as it started. Too late now, he supposed.

-

"What a stupid little story. I could've been asleep ages ago."

Ciel was cleaned, dressed, and already tucked into bed when he brought up Bard's story again. The crankiness that came with his sleepiness hasn't gone away it seems, though Sebastian had hoped that the extra chocolate bar would have lifted the young master's mood even slightly. No. It was truly a condition only sleep could cure.

"Yes, it was quite foolish. But at least now you can finally rest." Sebastian added, readjusting the duvet to make sure it was tucked all the way up to the boy's chin.

"I mean, how could he not hear his dog being killed if it was supposedly right under his bed? Did it run out to attack the intruder without barking? Dogs don't do that."

"Well, I will admit I do not know much about dogs, so I will take your word on it."

"And it just so happens that all of the faucets, in the woods mind you, are leaking the same night decided to invade his cabin and string up his dog? Where did Bard even hear such an idiotic story?"

"I'm not sure, my lord. But you can certainly ask him in the morning if the question still weighs heavy on your mind."

That comment earned a glare. "Don't patronize me. I'm just amazed that he had the gall to think that was an interesting story is all."

"I'm amazed Bard has the gall to do a lot of things, my lord. But we shouldn't dwell on such a common occurrence. You should get some sleep."

"Whatever." And with that, Ciel turned to his side, digging his body into the mattress like he always did before drifting off. Now, only the top of his little head poked out from under the covers, his grey hair already messy from rubbing his head into the pillow. Such a tiny thing.

"Good night, young master."

Sebastian blew out the candles on the candlebara leaving the room only to be lit by the faint moonlight that peaked from behind the bedroom curtains. He began making his silent exit, trying everything in his power to not rouse the little lord. He will need every second of sleep possible for his busy schedule tomorrow. Just as he gripped the brass doorknob, a tiny voice called out to him.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes, my lord?"

There was a pause, then a huff.

"Can...Can you..." The boy trailed off, muttering something incoherent under his breath.

"What was that—"

"Can you check under the damn bed!" He suddenly shouted shoulders hunching all the way to his ears despite his laid-out position.

The room became quiet, Sebastian taking a second to register his master's words. Check...under his bed?

Sebastian tried to suppress the laughter bubbling up in his chest but he couldn't help but allow a few chuckles to escape.

"It appears you were frightened by Bard's 'idiotic story', correct?"

"Shut up I was not! It just got me thinking is all! I've never seen you check there, not even once!"

Despite the darkness, Sebastian could see Ciel's red little ears perfectly fine. No doubt the rest of his face would be as red as a tomato if he would just turn around. How unlike his master to make such a childlike request. Who knew the great Lord Phantomhive would be scared of such a silly little urban legend?

"I assure you, I would know if there was something under your bed. You have nothing to fear." Sebastian chuckled once again, much to the Earl's annoyance.

The boy huffed again, but the tension did not leave his body. Sebastian sighed. He knew that children often needed reassurance after being frightened, but Ciel was not easily frightened by most things. Oh well. It couldn't be helped.

Sebastian approached the bed again, making his way over to the side that Ciel was facing so the boy could see what he was doing. His big, bright eyes stared up at him, angry and waiting. With an admittedly dramatic flourish, Sebastian knelt down and raised the bed skirt. He peered beneath the bed as if investigating some dark and treacherous realm.

The room remained quiet for a moment as Sebastian stared at nothing. Well, nothing but dust. This area will need to be thoroughly cleaned tomorrow. Remaining on his knees, he straightened back up till his head was level with his master.

"It appears to be perfectly safe, young master. No monsters are lurking under your bed. You can rest easy."

Ciel's eyes twitched in annoyance as his glare deepened, but the tension leaving his body was not lost on the butler.

"I wasn't worried about 'monsters' you damn demon. I was only reminding you to do your bloody job."

With a slight smile, Sebastian lowered the bed skirt back into place and rose to his feet. Placing his right hand over his chest, he bowed.

"Yes, of course, young master. Thank you for the reminder."

"Yeah. Yeah. Now get out." The boy's voice lacked any real bite, revealing the tiredness that had been plaguing him for the majority of the night.

"As you wish, my lord. Call my name if you require anything else."

"I won't! Get out!" He groaned, burying his head completely under his covers, hiding his still-red face from his demon.

A quiet chuckle escaped from the butler once again. His master had a talent for making him do such a thing. After a quick good night, Sebastian left to continue his nightly duties. He should probably start by checking with Finny. No doubt he was still crying. He sighed, Ciel's words still swimming around in his head.

"Reminding me to do my job, eh?"

Yes, what the boy had summoned him for in the first place: to be the protector of the boy and his cabin deep inside the woods. Sebastian smiled.

[shimmerbeasts]

💧 How often do you annoy the mun? And with what? 

🔥 How would you spend one day with the mun if you could?

☀ Does the mun have other muses beside you? What is your opinion on them?

(all for Mizora because I can't help myself lol)

Muse Speaks Of The Mun||Accepting.

"Well, I know one thing, which tends to annoy Miss T, though I am not the only one who does this", Mizora mused, "Almost all of the characters she writes, have moments when they don't cooperate. It annoys her, especially when she has the drive to write, but we are not in the mood to do anything. I think it annoys her with me especially because much like Silco, in her own words, I require brain power. Don't get me wrong: The sweet kitten loves writing the manipulator, but an unfortunate part of the craft is the whole three-dimensional chess playing when you write a manipulator. As easy as I tend to come to her, Miss T is very critical of how I use dialogue and body language when I manipulate people. The sweet kitten is obsessed with how this all is perceived. And it makes perfect sense. After all, if I am to manipulate someone, I need to create a certain effect in, if not the reader, at least the character I am manipulating. So, this is an annoyance of hers. Sometimes, I require a bit of work. Even if we know, she gladly does that work."

"If I could spend a day with Miss T, I would keep her company and try to help her do things she normally cannot. I would have to be so gentle with the sweet kitten, mostly because her condition means physically she cannot do a lot of the typical outdoor activities. But who is to say I could not help with that? I admit, I would be very tempted to try roping Miss T into a deal. Her disability just creates a wonderful opening for this. It would probably even work as Miss T has thought about what it would be to not be physically disabled. While she agrees that you should not cure a disabled character in fiction, especially if it is done by an able-bodied author, she is not against the idea of exploring what a cure would mean from a disabled stance. She has the belief that at least mentally imagining what it is like to be cured is a vital step to accepting being different. Or at least learning to come to terms with it. And she has had thought experiments concerning disability and the Cybermen from Doctor Who. I think she would be surprised if I did not try to offer her a pact, which helps alleviate the burdens of her disability."

"Miss T has quite a few muses outside of me, but that is nothing new. From the day, she started writing on Tumblr, she always wrote more than one character. She even has problems with adding too many muses. I am sure, people who have followed this blog for a long time, will have noticed how messy things get. Outside of me, she currently has four other characters on this blog and her two OCs on a side blog.

"Of course, I have nothing but praises for my mistress, her ladyship Zariel. She is as frightening as she is commanding and beautiful. My mother has shaped me a lot, even before Miss T eventually decided to let her hang out on the blog. I cannot express the joy I felt when I learned Zariel would become a permanent member of the blog. The Lord of the First has powers unrivalled and her singular focus in the Blood War is admirable. Where I am scary, she is a terror to behold. Mighty, commanding, direct, focussed, yet charismatic and sly - it is an honour to be in her service.

"Then there is my pet, Wyll Ravenguard. Such a loyal, little puppy. He still has his moments of disobedience and while he always tries to do the right thing, at least he has somewhat gotten the message of doing things morally sometimes. Still, compared to Zariel or me, he is not nearly as dark as he could be. Though I would not call the pupster a completely good-natured hero either. He has shades of grey and can be most cunning and clever. Furthermore, unlike the Wyll in the game, my pup here has no intention of leaving his contract with me. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but at the end of the day, Wyll is a very loyal pet and quite the skilled hunter. He just happens to be an outlier for Miss T's usual writing style, which is why she sometimes takes a bit to trust him to play around with other people.

"The other two characters on the blog are not familiar to me. Usually, I would not even meet them, but given that I am breaking the fourth wall for these asks anyway, I suppose I can also give you my opinion on the two girls, who let's be honest, were on this blog long before I ever showed up. In a way, Jinx and Vi are the original inhabitants of this blog, with Jinx even being the primary muse. They just currently are less active, partly because of bad experiences the Mun made in the fandom, but also because Miss T is waiting for season two to come out, which should be soon. Let's hope that tickles the girls' fancy.

"Jinx is the muse, Miss T is the closest too. Like I already implied, prior to me, Jinx was our Mun's primary muse. A wild, chaotic thing, from what I heard. Poor girl is plagued by a strong psychosis. And while you should pity her, make no mistake: Miss T made this girl a menace. A feral, vicious menace, that loves to maim and slaughter and has quite the love for explosives. She also seems to have an obsessive streak, being very possessive over her older sister Vi and wanting some silly Sherrif named Caitlyn dead. Honestly, Jinx is the reason, the Mun is surprised she cannot write Orin. Though to be fair, Jinx seems more terrifying than a demented, uncoordinated Bhaalspawn.

"Vi, Jinx's sister, reminds me a lot of Karlach. She too is more of a brute force fighter, rambunctious, wild and unruly. Much like Wyll, she is not Miss T's preferred type of muse. Not just due to the physical nature of her attacks, but also that despite being a brawler, Vi is a heroic character. At least, she has her heart in the right spot, though she has a potty mouth to match it, cursing and rebelling every chance she gets. To be honest, I am surprised that Miss T is not writing Karlach, given that she writes. Though, well Vi is not nearly as happy-go-lucky on the outside as Karlach is. So I can see why that may not be her cup of tea.

"Then, of course, there are her two newcomers who get a whole blog for themselves," Mizora smirked idly. "Felicitas and Ammit. Miss T's first attempts at creating original characters. Might explain why she feels the desire to hide them a bit. Felicitas is the more youthful of the two: Sassy, mistrustful of authority, and weary of her powers to some extent. It must be frightening to be pacted to something and have no idea about it. Ammit, meanwhile, is cold, calculating and more like a mentor figure. She may only be a rogue, but she is vicious."

[valeriefauxnom]

Euden's Moral Confusion of Self

Let me introduce this rant/analysis (rantnalysis?) in a more humorous way: did you know that the act Euden did for the circus event never was specified? No, it never was, but I have a pretty good guess what he excels at: mental gymnastics!

Jokes aside, Euden had a very... robust set of tendencies that were not quite so healthy, and sometime in the future I'll probably go over more of 'em. First, though, I'm attempting to tackle his deceptively-poor self-image. Of course, long post ahead!

To start framing what I'm getting at, I'd like to cite the scene I used in a previous rant, wherein Euden declares his efforts to continue the path he's pursuing 'selfish.'

It's a very small footnote of his overall character, but it is consistent. He, in short, has flipped his (well-known) tendencies toward self-sacrifice and otherwise protecting other people from a 'virtue' to a 'vice'. We can see this in anything from Jurota's to Mitsuhide's stories, the latter wherein he wins her otherwise unwinnable game by framing his act of saving villagers as 'selfish' instead of 'selfless' to beat Mitsuhide's "no acting for others' sake rule" in her Uprising Game.

Taken to its logical extreme, this means that pretty much all those times Euden was being recklessly selfless or otherwise sacrificial, he himself views it as a completely selfish action. There is something to be said, in that he's not entirely incorrect: he is acting because acting that way makes him feel good/reaffirms his moral code, but past a certain point this view is...harmful.

For Euden also outright will raise a rare criticism to those being selfish to the point of endangering others. It is a 'bad' thing to be selfish in his mind, especially when it starts endangering others, and understandably so. I think largely that's a view many cultures share.

Still, it is a twisted little part of a psyche when you can frame any degree of self-sacrifice as being selfish in my view. In what probably will be another rant/analysis someday, Euden seems to have a lot of trouble with identifying himself as his own person, on his own merits, even before Nedrick entered the picture. Even in a bit of a lighthearted note, he rarely identifies himself as a prince or otherwise someone held in esteemed position very quickly, often leading to miscommunication and surprise on many people's behalf to learn that this teenager is actually lord of the land, like Elisanne experienced first when she took him as Zethia's manservant.

But I digress. The end result of that is the same: Euden seldom voices thoughts about himself as a person, but even rarer are positive ones, and this is a prime example of it. He's cultivated an self-image of mediocrity, 'nothing special', and with him flipping 'virtue' to 'vice' with his extraordinary (say, supernatural) selflessness, he can't even take some esteem in "I think I'm kind/generous/good at giving back" we might throw around in a 'introduce yourself to the class' introduction.

We can see the overall message I'm trying to get across plain in Gala Leif's story. Here's two notable highlights for my ideas:

(Oh, Luca, yes they do have 'unique personalities', and they're all their own unique messes. I love them, though, disasters that they are.)

Ahem. Here, Euden lays out plain that he views his desire for a future to be built without sacrifices and making everyone happy as selfish, himself as arrogant instead of kind, and otherwise unremarkable in any other sense.

All in all, though, this starts to paint a sad picture. What good qualities Euden does have, he flips to negative attributes instead (Selflessness=selfishness, developed sense of right/wrong/kindness=arrogance, etc) and what negative attributes he does have are kept as-is, and neutral attributes are viewed as standard for anyone and not something that should be praised (he sometimes flips 'positive' to 'neutral' attributes instead, though, sometimes attributing his selflessness to nothing special or something expected of everyone).

So...yeah. Euden doesn't hint to it often, but he's got a bit of a twisted view regarding himself, something I'm sure has no negative repercussions in any other aspect of his life...(not foreshadowing at all, no, no...) He goes beyond modesty and into self-deprecation. Even worse, he has it perfectly straight when it comes to dealing with other people. Self-sacrifice is a virtue, even if it was done out of duty or pride, etc. This mess of morality is all for him and him alone. And that's kinda messed up.

If you've stuck around this long, though, thank you! I hope I'm not spamming the tag or anything. I guess all this new access to be able to articulate my many non-fanfic thoughts on Dragalia where people will actually understand them has been too tempting of late! I'd also like to reiterate that I'm always down to discuss Dragalia (I miss it!), so if you've questions/comments/rants you want to ask about it (or Tales of the Abyss, a lot of other JRPGs I'm not listing here, or my fanfics) feel free!

[adarkrainbow]

As an addendum to the previous post, but on a completely different topic:

During his intervention, Tony Gheeraert was asked a question about Charles Perrault's relationship to the court based on his own time under Colbert, and Gheeraert gave a brief but interesting answer that refered to a greater topic that allows one to better understand the Perrault fairytales.

Now, if you didn't know, at the peak of his career, Charles Perrault was working under Colbert - one of the main ministers of Louis XIV, working as a State secretary and as a minister of Finances, and this is how Perrault could become part of the royal court. The question was asked in relation to the whole "fairytale authors praised the mercantilism" of their time, because Colbert was one of the "culprits" behind this mercantilism as he was the figurehead that developed heavily the industries and the commerce under Louis XIV.

Gheeraert was asked if Perrault stayed, in his fairytales, "Colbert's man", and if his position as one of the minister's underlings did influence his fairytales. And Gheerart answer was, no. For him, the Perrault of fairytales was NOT the "Perrault of the Court" or the "Perrault of Colbert". Because after Colbert's death in 1683, Perrault was basically disgraced, as he lost his position, lost his protector and got gently but firmly pushed out of the Court and sent away - I'll return to that when I speak of Perrault's life. For Gheeraert - but he repeated this, it is only his own opinion - the Perrault of the fairytales was the bitter, disgraced Perrault who still held a grudge towards the king and the king's current politics.

Indeed, through Perrault fairytales, we see a very heavy criticism of kings and the monarchy. Take Puss in Boots - a miller boy and his cat can easily fool the monarchy into believing he is an actual noble using his good looks and a few well-placed gifts ; the king is shown as an ignorant drunkard who will believe anything ; the already established lord is an ogre... Same thing within Little Thumbling, where titles are shown to be easily bought or given, and Thumbling's time as the messenger of the court allows for a harsh criticism of the habits of the court (such as everybody cheating on everybody's spouse).

Many historians and a few other fairytale analyst had pointed it out before, but Perrault has a very dark and negative representation of kings and kingly powers in his fairytales - from the ambiguous Sleeping Beauty prince with an ogress-mother to the incestuous king of Donkey Skin.

And in general, despite Perrault's fairytales being accused today of being misogynistic, through his stories feminine characters, girls and women are usually truly valorized and positive whereas masculine figures are discredited or vilified. What do you get for men? As I said - the incestuous Donkey Skin king... The Sleeping Beauty prince who abandons his wife to an ogress.. Cinderella's father who lets his daughter be abused... Bluebeard... The Big Bad Wolf... Ogres... Even Little Thumbling, the supposed hero, is still a thief with morally ambiguous behavior...

While on the side of women we have a lot of heroines and positive figures: Donkey-Skin, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, and of course the various fairy godmothers. Mind you there's still negative figures (the wicked step-sisters, the bad sister of Diamonds and Toads, the ogress-mother), but in general, the women get a much more positive depiction than men.

[corn-fanfiction]

Oh My Love (Damien Karras x GN Reader Pt. 3)

(Pt. 2) (Pt. 4)

“This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

-

Rating: M

Tags: religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, priest kink, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, gn reader, queer characters, realistic depictions of anxiety attacks, s*icide, foul language, eventual sm*t

December

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to people of good

will. We praise you, we bless you,

we adore you, we glorify you,

we give you thanks for your great glory,

Lord God, heavenly King, O God, almighty Father… ”

Karras’s prayer rings out within the church and is reciprocated by the congregation. You sit in a back corner by the pipe organ, reading an unpublished chapter of Father Merrin’s latest dig report (which you still can't believe he loaned you). Truth be told, you do still yearn a little for the high arches and warm sounds of a nave. A corner of your heart aches for the carpeted floors and creaking pews, the light streaming in through stained glass depicting saints and martyrs.

Your eyes drift to Betty, the organist, and her nimble hands on the keys. She's older than you but not elderly, maybe 40s, and has proven to be kindly and realistic: your two favorite traits. You love listening to her play. She's always in the pocket of the rhythm which keeps you on your toes. It's easy to get distracted by her playing.

Except you don't get distracted from Father Karras suddenly pausing during his recitations. You lower your reading and furrow your brows in curiosity. You give Betty a glance and she shrugs her shoulders and continues playing.

When you look back to Karras he's back into his flow, but you see his eyes flick up to the congregation, then to you, the back down to the prayer book. You're hesitant to let it go, but you force yourself to keep reading and check on him later.

He has office hours. He said so. So it would be no problem at all for you to pay him a visit. Right? Right???

Right. So, you gather your courage and knock on the door to the little white cottage out the side of the church..

“Come in.”

You let yourself in. Damien's desk is situated against the right wall and he turns to you when you enter.

“Y/n,” He says, his eyes betraying a slight surprise.

“May I come in?”

“Of course. Can I get you anything, coffee, water, tea?” He stands from his desk and moves to get you a drink and you sit.

“No thanks, I'm good.”

He stops, awkwardly grips his hand like he’s missing something, then returns to his seat, but moves it to face you.

“Alright. So how are you settling in? How are you feeling?”

You shouldn’t be surprised he’d ask about your wellbeing. It’s his job. You give a tight smile.

“Good.”

He nods.

“Good.”

“Say; and I hope this isn't too presumptuous, but I wanted to ask…are you okay? I mean, I've only noticed the past couple weeks you've been…distracted, I suppose. And I think I wouldn't have been able to go around if I didn't check on you.”

Maybe it’s the priest in him, but for a moment you notice a flash of something across his dark countenance. But just as soon as you see it, it is gone.

“I'm fine, thank you for asking. What about you?”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Me?”

He splays his hands like it’s obvious.

“I can imagine the transition from Rome back to Georgetown could be jarring.”

You nod thoughtfully.

“It is, but at least it's familiar.”

“Have you seen your family at all?”

The question catches you off guard. Your pulse quickens and you palms sweat. How- does he not know?

“I'm sorry?”

“Your family, Joseph Dyer said that you had family nearby.”

Oh. Oh, he didn’t know. You suppose there’s no reason any of them should. Still, it’s unsettling.

“Oh, he must have misunderstood, or maybe I wasn't clear. My family passed in a house fire when I was in Rome.”

Damien’s face darkens. “Oh, I'm sorry.”

You shake the sentiment away as you’ve heard it a hundred times. It’s not that you don’t believe him or can’t appreciate it, but after so long the words lose meaning.

“No, don't be. Georgetown was my brother's favorite place. It reminds me of him.”

Damien relaxes into his chair.

“What was his name?”

“William. He was younger than me.”

“Tell me about him.”

“Um, he was inexhaustibly kind, but hilarious. I mean he was the funniest person I knew.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I think you two would've gotten along great. He was brilliant. He uh, wanted to be a civil engineer when he got out of school. He was 19.”

“He sounds like a wonderful young man.”

“He was.” You sniffle as tears began to fall. “Shit, are you gonna have to bill me?”

Damien laughs, actually laughs for the first time in front of you. Everything else up till now has been guarded chuckles and passive hums.

“No. Technically since you're a student you're entitled to free therapy.”

“Hm. Good to know.” You wait a moment, watching him. “You’re sure you’re fine?”

The lie slips from his lips with ease.

“Yes.”

“You know it’s a sin to tell a lie. Ink Spots said so.”

Back to a hum.

“I’ll keep it in mind. Is there anything else?”

Oh. Does he want you to leave?

You wring your hands in your lap but shake your head.

“No, that was all.”

You stand to go and Damien sees you out. As you exit, a young priest passes you to visit Damien, and when you turn around to give a final parting, the door has already closed.

The next morning you are right on time for the daily jog. It’s not every day, but often that you and Damien cross paths here. But today, you’re alone.

That’s strange. Where is he?

No water bottle or towel in sight. The early morning is clear and cold and you can see around the entire track. No, totally alone.

You try not to dwell too much on it. It is getting colder every day, perhaps he’s sensitive to it. Maybe he has early mass this morning and you simply forgot. All of those seem more settling than the alternative that your gut twists into a likely truth. That he was lying yesterday.

When you make your first lap and return to the bleachers, there he is, setting down his things and removing his windbreaker to reveal his sweatshirt underneath. You slow before him but he doesn’t look at you.

“Wow, I’m never here before you. Everything alright?”

Damien nods but when you catch even the side of his face, markings of haggardness and exhaustion are evident in the droop of his eyes, the lines of his face.

“Sure. Had a bit of a time getting up this morning.”

You brace your hands on your hips.

Ah. Fuck it.

“I understand that. Listen, Father…” You catch yourself. Maybe you’ll have better luck with the personal angle. “ Damien . Would you want to see a movie tomorrow? They’re showing It’s a Wonderful Life at the theater and I go every time it’s on. I like to sit in the back and make stupid commentary and…” You notice now that he’s looking at you and grinning. “...I’m not selling this, am I?”

“On the contrary, I’d say you made a compelling case. Sure, why not?”

A wide grin breaks across your face that you don’t try to hide. “Alright. I’ll pick you up at the cottage. Five alright?”

“Five is fine. Alright, care to run?”

Well, of course you’re distracted for the rest of the day, and how could you not be? You’re only going to be sharing your favorite movie with someone you now consider a good friend.

It has to cheer him up , you think. It simply has to.

The next day you actually have to attend a lecture, so you tuck yourself into a seat in the back of the hall and scribble mindlessly on your notepad. You have to start writing your thesis soon and you have to admit to yourself that you haven’t exactly made strides on it.The book of hymns proved fruitful, but you were otherwise occupied with Father Merrin’s report. That, and thoughts of a dark haired priest.

The bell rings and your stomach knots. Doubt creeps in.

Gee, what if this was the wrong move? I mean, what do you expect?

Your professor calls your name before you have a chance to dart out. Dr. Lance, an aging woman in her sixties, smart spectacles perched on a small nose, approaches you, her large frame taking only a few strides before she is upon you.

“I couldn’t help but notice you sitting in the back today.”

You blush and hold your books closer to your chest. “Yes, I’m not feeling well and wanted to be close to the exit in case I needed to leave. I didn’t want to be a distraction.”

Dr. Lance hums. “How are things at the church?”

“They’re fine. I’m learning lots.”

“Good. I’ve spoken with Father Merrin a handful of times-”

“I didn’t realize you knew him.”

“Oh, yes. Going on two decades now. He told me that you’ve been spending quite a bit of time reading his Kuwait Report, and spending time with one of the priests. What was his name?”

You swallow through a dry throat. “Father Karras?”

“Yes, that was it. Kind man. I understand it’s a new environment with many points of interest, but I have a responsibility to remind you of your purpose there. I’m sure Lankester’s report is fascinating, but will it aid you in your thesis?”

You force yourself to meet her eyes. “No, probably not.”

“I’m not dictating your free time, mind you. You’re a grad student, you’re an adult. But I also know how an experience like this can host distractions.”

You had been ready to flee the conversation at the soonest chance, but you linger at her words.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for the sake of professionalism, I’ll simply say that…well, institutions often have a way of drawing us in before we really know we’re there.”

And God help you, you laugh. Dr. Lance’s brows pull together in scrutiny.

“What?”

“It’s just…the idea of being tempted by a church . It’s funny, is all.”

Dr. Lance seemed to be out of things to say so she lets you go. You rush back to your apartment and tear through your closet, your conversation shaving off five minutes of your time, that and the class had run over a bit. You're stuck on what to wear. Not too casual, but not too flirty. Definitely not anything flirty. Maybe something that makes you feel beautiful, handsome, nice. Yes, that's it. Nice.

So you find something nice and adjust your appearance in the mirror. A brush here, a flick there; maybe he won't notice. Maybe he will.

You arrive at the cottage at 4:57. You're glad you wore a coat as the wind breaks through the scraggly trees and bare shrubberies.

At 5:02 the screen door to the cottage opens and Damien steps out in his windbreaker. He notices you appearance almost immediately and smiles as he locks the door behind him.

“Well, you look nice. Now I feel underdressed.”

Nice.

“Well, there's probably still enough time to throw on a cassock if that's fancy enough.”

He laughs at you again and you two begin walking. You crane your neck over to look at his shirt. He leans away.

“What?”

“Your collar. You're not wearing it. I didn't think you all were allowed out without them.”

It's true, Damien is wearing a corded black turtleneck, something that compliments him quite nicely.

“Well, we wouldn't want everyone to know.”

“That you're a priest?”

“Sure. Aside from the hundred something people we see every week in mass, it's a phenomenally well kept secret.”

You throw your head back in laughter. He seems to be in better spirits. Good , you think.

You two approach the kiosk and you insist on paying for both the tickets.

“Priests resign themselves to a life of poverty, right? Consider it a donation to the church.”

It's a joke and one he mildly chuckles at, but seems to maybe lower his head when the ticketer hands you back the tiny slips of paper.

“First room on the right.”

As the two of you walk in, you begin to ponder. Perhaps he was telling a partial truth earlier. Perhaps he forwent the collar so people wouldn't recognize a priest out with a grad student. But why would they care? Georgetown was overflowing with Jesuits and students. Surely there's bound to be overlap.

Still, there's something knocking at the back of your brain. Almost as if you feel it too. Some foreign scrutiny that you can fight all you want to dismiss as ridiculous, presumptuous. But still.

You two make it to the back of the auditorium and settle into your seats. There's only a handful of other couples dispersed throughout.

Other ?

You focus on the film.

“What's wrong, is he sick?”

“Worse, he's discouraged.”

This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

By the time George and Mary are walking back from the party, your feet are propped up on the empty seat in front of you and you and Damien are both munching on a bag of popcorn you left to get earlier.

“ Oh buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight. Buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, aaaaand dance by the light of the moon.”

You sing along quietly, knocking your feet together lightly. If you weren't so engrossed in one of your favorite scenes, you would notice Damien watching you.

“I thought you didn't like romance movies.”

You flash him a grin. “Eh. This doesn't count.”

But when Mary and George draw close together and it seems as though they may just kiss, you feel that same flutter you get in your chest every time.

Oh, what you wouldn't give to be looked at like that.

If you were paying even a little more attention, you may be thinking that you were.

After the movie, he offers to walk you home. You accept.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight. I get a lot more strange looks when I go by myself.”

“Well, thanks for getting me out. I don't really do these kinds of things. I'm not sure why. I suppose I have the time.”

“Sometimes it just takes someone asking, you know?”

He gives you a loaded look. “Yeah, I do.”

Whatever his intended implication is, you fight a blush. You chalk it up to the cold. You two approach your apartment. You fiddle with your keys.

“Would you like to come up for a few minutes? Warm up?”

And that’s all you want. Just to offer him brief shelter. He looks at the ground and you already know his reply.

“I’m not sure I should. It’s getting late.”

Ah. He can color it any way he likes but you know the true meaning of his words. You bite your lip- an anxious habit your mother had always discouraged.

“Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?”

His eyes widen. “No- goodness, no. I have the five o’clock mass tomorrow.”

“Makes sense.”

“Which means I won’t be at the track, either.”

“It’s fine.” You give him a smile. “Well, goodnight, Father.”

You turn to leave but a hand reaches out and catches your arm. Not a grab or a grip, but a gentle laying upon your coat. You face him again.

“I really do hate to cancel on you.”

“It’s fine, Damien. Really.”

He presses his lips together in measured thought. “It’s nothing else.”

You search his eyes for some truth. What does he mean ? It’s nothing but circumstance that he can’t come up, can’t meet tomorrow morning? Or is it something worse: the time spent is nothing else? You know what the else is. It’s gut-wrenchingly devastating, despite your supposed absence of expectations.

“Alright,” is all you can think to say. You move from his touch and return to your apartment. From the window facing the street, you watch as he rubs his mouth, glances out to the street, and then eventually makes his careful way back to the cottage. You draw a bath and heat up some tea. Both scalding waters still can’t manage to quell the chill within.

[zedxspacess]

So Atlantis Jr won the ROH TV Title from Kyle Fletcher in the main event of the Friday CMLL show! I'm so happy for Atlantis Jr, it was a good outing for both wrestlers and another young CMLL star wins an outside promotion's title.

The reactions I've seen from AEW/ROH only fans vs fans of both promotions and fans of CMLL only are amusing. It's a legit criticism of modern ROH that it's titles aren't given lots of meaningful defenses on the show, that the "proving grounds" don't feel important and there's lots of squash matches. The men's division is particularly weak in having consistent players and stories in it's title scenes. So I'm not surprised there's AEW/ROH fans who don't like or understand why Kyle Fletcher lost the TV title when he's one of the more noteworthy players in the men's division. But I think this is a plus for the men's division. If there aren't many strong singles guys in the main event picture, then dividing the attention between three titles stretches things thin. By having the secondary title away for a bit, it can narrow the focus more on the world championship, and I think Kyle is destined to move on to bigger titles and plots like that.

Plus, if an ROH title HAS to be defended outside the company, it SHOULD be on a stage like an Arena Mexico main event. Like, how are you not hyped about that? Main eventing in the oldest wrestling promotion in the world in an arena that holds 16k people? That placement is a big deal and should be a huge honor.

On the CMLL side of things, the reactions are like night and day because the fans I follow have been so hyped for this. ROH got the promo from Atlantis Jr, but CMLL have been advertising the match pretty well with some great video packages and promos from the wrestlers, even an interview from Atlantis Jr on Informa. It felt like a proper big match, and a bunch of CMLL fans, myself included, thought it was OBVIOUS Atlantis Jr was winning. I guess it's because of the language barrier and CMLL programing not so cheap/easily accessible to international audiences made AEW/ROH fans feel like it wasn't a big deal unless you seek it out.

There's also the Jericho shaped angle where he attacked Mistico and there seems to be a match up on a later friday show, and the reactions to it. Lord knows I'm tired of his act on AEW, but I don't know why some fans see him popping up on CMLL as a negative. Consider this: him doing programs in Mexico could potentially mean he gets less screentime in AEW. I get there's the kneejerk reaction of rolling your eyes when seeing him, but Jericho is still a big deal in CMLL. When the partnership was first announced, Jericho was one of the main guys CMLL fans were begging to show up in Arena Mexico. Titan and Atlantis Jr, who AEW fans did not enjoy their matches with Jericho, still saw it as an honor to wrestle him. Honestly, by all means let Jericho have the feud with Mistico, have him stay there for a few months! Hopefully he gets revitalized in his time there.

Overall, this move just strengthens the promotions' partnership even further. Atlantis Jr is a young star, and this just pushes him more. Some hardcore fans are hard on him because they view his push as nepotism because his dad is Atlantis, but I've even seen some of them praise the match for making him look strong and hope he carries this momentum into the future. And even though the title is away from ROH, it's going to get a lot of international exposure with Atlantis Jr in Mexico. I have no doubt now that Atlantis Jr will show up on Death Before Dishonor and the various ROH shows in Texas, and having CMLL stars will definitely move more seats for ROH. Having a cross promotional rivalry between two young stars is also just cool by itself and opens the potential for it to be a long term thing that can tie the two companies together. CMLL also gets a returning older idol in Jericho that they've been clamoring for, and AEW fans don't have to see him on tv as often. I'd say this whole partnership has been a win win for everyone.