#i know ive gained a fuck ton of weight this last year

[charonte-simi]

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[lovesaadiqa]

BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!!  I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done.  I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first.  The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.  

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour.  First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale.  Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process.  Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia.  Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.  

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want.  I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”.  I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh).  I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons.  First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me.  Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!!  Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo.  When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery.  They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia.  The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay.  My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment.  I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible.  I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise.  We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money.  My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol.  August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday.  After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons:  had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails:  “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol).  Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?!  What?  I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me).  Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8.  I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155.  I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302.  My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.  

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house.  I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House.  This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot.  Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit.  Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta.  My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66.  I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience.  I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect.  Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol. 

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule.  Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate.  I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it.  I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol.  Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed.  Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight.  I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics.  I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face.  I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype.  I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight.  Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies  that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100.  Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog.  I went on amazon and got away with murder.  Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream  $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 || 

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20).  My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited.  I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody.  I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set.  9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour.  I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20.  I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me.  Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day.  I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!!  Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me.  The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery.  From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly.  I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center.  There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date.  CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls.  I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage.  I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund.  That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!!  She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have.  I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time.  My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late.  All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled.  I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end.   Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late!  Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID.  No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time.  I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in!  We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper”  LMAO.  I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in.  I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery.  He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia.  My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro.  The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe.  I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.  

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal.  I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left.  I opted for a 5 day stay.  I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb!  There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds.  I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it.  They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation.  I loved it man.  So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then.  Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain.  Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal.  I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her.  When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams.  I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only.  All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed!  She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing.  In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me.  I received 4 massages in 5 days.  I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas.  I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks).  The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah).  Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig)  because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them.  The  most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you.  She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered.  She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself.  Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021 

[oliviastan17]

Just a dream (5/7)

Warnings: 18+, all the fluff in the world, language, smut

Length: 3.6k

A/N: I am a nurse so this is way more medically accurate than what is needed for the story. I just started typing and all this nurse stuff came out (#nurselife) and I took a lot out but sorry if it’s too much. There’s nothing graphic though. I put a lot of gifs in because I don’t feel like I can accurately describe what I dreamt. I own none of them. DO NOT POST ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE! Please reblog and I love reading comments!

It took 2 months but today was the day. It was packing day. Your brother needed to drop Harper off because she had a fever and couldn’t stay at daycare. She seemed to be feeling okay after some ibuprofen and was playing with some toys with Sebastian (or so you thought) while you worked on packing.

You walked into your bathroom to find Sebastian sitting on the floor facing away from you and Harper brushing something on his face. Wait, is that my makeup brush?

“When did you guys come in here?”

“He’s almost ready,” Harper informed you.

“Ready for what?”

“The party. Auntie, you sit there,” Harper commanded.

“Okay then,” you said sitting on the edge of your bathtub. Harper had been really into makeup lately so you exactly what she was doing and couldn’t wait to see her masterpiece.

As Sebastian turned around you gasped, “Oh, Harper! He is so beautiful! You did such a good job!”

He had red lipstick covering his mouth and part of the stubble on his chin. There was charcoal grey sparkly eye shadow all the way above his eye brows and his cheeks were a bright pink. Sebastian just looked at you and smiled as he held up his hands.

“Oh, you did his nails too? They look amazing!”

“It’s your turn!” she exclaimed.

Just then your brother walked through your door effectively saving you from a makeover.

“I hear your daddy,” you said and then Harper ran out to see him.

 You and Sebastian followed and as your brother took in the sight of Sebastian and laughed.

“Hey kiddo! You feeling better?” he asked as she ran up to him.

“She had motrin at 4:30,” you informed him.

“Thanks Y/n,” he said looking around at all the boxes. “Man, it’s weird to see this place packed up. Am I seeing you before you leave?”

“Probably not. Did Mom call you to have you help move what I don’t take into storage?”

“Yeah, we’re coming on Saturday. Well drive safe. Call me when you get there.” He offered a handshake to Sebastian and said, “Sorry about all that,” he said referring to the makeup.

Sebastian shook his hand, “It’s no problem.”

Harper gave Sebastian a hug and then you knelt down to hug her. You didn’t want to let her go. “I love you forever.”

“Love you!” She said laughing while you kissed her cheek and then blew a raspberry making her laugh. You had tried your best to prepare her for not seeing you as often but you weren’t sure how much she actually understood.

Your brother came over to give you a hug.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he said as he hugged you.

“Love you. Have Noah FaceTime me later okay?”

“I will,” he said as he turned and he and Harper walked out of your house. You closed the door behind him and Sebastian wrapped you in a hug. He was trying to say comforting things but as you looked up at him you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

“I can’t take you seriously when you look like that,” you said laughing. “There’s makeup wipes in my bathroom.”

“No, I think this is a good look. Get used to the new me,” he said leaning in to kiss you but you playfully dodged it. He had too good of a grip on your waist so you ended up with lipstick all over your face.

“You want to order in? I’m not taking you anywhere looking like that and you just ruined what little makeup I had on.”

“Sure. Whatever you want,” he said.

As he walked away you took a look around at all the boxes around the house. You were definitely sad to be leaving but you were also excited about your future. It was scary but it would be an adventure. Everything with him was an adventure. Even something as boring as packing was fun with him.

After one more day of packing, you did it. You packed up your car and drove (well Sebastian drove) to New York. The drive up went as smoothly as it could. Between his carpool karaoke and the games you created on the way it really was fun.

On the second day of the road trip your brother called you to inform you that Harper was put on antibiotics for strep throat and that she also came down with bronchitis. Great you thought as you remembered her coughing directly in your face.

Three days later and you were at the doctor for the same thing. Nothing was able to stop you from coughing so the doctor gave you some cough medicine. The good kind with codeine.

Sebastian was doing a great job taking care of you and went to three different stores to find apricot nectar because that’s what your mom would give you when you were sick. When he got home the first thing he heard you say was, “Oh my god, Chris! Watch out!”

Why is Chris here? He rounded the corner and found you on the couch watching Civil War stoned out of your mind.

“What are you doing?”

“That’s not your ass,” you said pointing at the screen.

He just laughed, handed you your nectar and went into his office.

His office was very close to the living room so he could hear every comment you made even though you were hoarse and could not stop laughing.

“Oh, that was so hot!”

“It’s not Bucky’s fault Tony!”

“Back the fuck off T’Challa!”

He finally gave up and walked out of the office and over to the couch. He lifted your legs up, sat down and laid your legs across his lap.

“I thought you didn’t want to watch?”

“I want to hear your commentary.”

“Hey, can you introduce me to him?”

“Downey?”

“No, Tom. Cause if I was 10 years younger…”

“Get out,” he said pointing at the door.

You laughed and grabbed his shirt to pull him closer for a kiss but then you stopped yourself.

“No, I don’t want to get you sick,” you said as he kept moving closer to you.

“I’ll take my chances,” he said before he kissed you. You fell asleep soon after.

Living together came easy. Everything was going great. You had found work doing some consulting for a production company and could mostly work from home. He had a few months until he started a new project so he was home. When you finished work you two would go explore the city. Some mornings you would go for a run, some you would stay in bed and just be together.

You hadn’t felt up to running the last couple of weeks. You just felt so tired but now you felt like you were gaining some weight because you spent the last 2 weeks being lazy around the apartment and eating crappy food. Today when Seb got home from his run and you were still laying in bed curled up he got a little worried.

“It’s probably just a stomach bug. I’m fine. I just need to rest,” you reassured him.

The next day you weren’t much better but you still got up and did some work in his office. Then the following day Sebastian wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Alright, that’s it. We’re going.”

“No, I’m fine Seb. Really. I promise I’m…” your sentence was cut off by you taking in a sharp breath as you grabbed your stomach in pain.

“No, you’re not. It’s been 2 days Y/n. Let’s go,” he said as he reached for your hand to help you up.

After a short cab ride you arrived at the hospital and were in with the triage nurse.

“Any chance of pregnancy? Last menstrual period?”

“I’m on birth control. They are really light if I even have one at all. I don’t really remember.”

After a ton of other questions and taking your vitals she brought you back into a room.

“Just change into this gown and the doctor will be right in.”

You rolled your eyes at the gown.

“Just put it on. Humor me,” Sebastian said.

“This is stupid. I’m fine,” you said but you had your hand resting on your stomach.

“Stop being so stubborn, babe. Just do what they tell you to.”

 “Hi, are you Y/n?” a nurse asked walking into the room.

“Yes,” you said as you sat on the bed. You weren’t going to put the gown on unless they absolutely made you.

“And your birthday?” she asked looking at your hospital bracelet.

“Y/b/d.”

“Okay, I’m Caryn and I’m going to get a blood sample and put an IV in. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the absolute worst, what would you rate your pain at?”

“Maybe a 6.”

“Is it constant or does it come and go?” she asked while getting the supplies out of the locked drawers.

“Comes and goes.”

You answered all of her questions. It’s been 2 days of intermittent cramping, no bleeding. You were tired and felt kind of bloated and were sure this was just a stomach bug.

The nurse drew your blood and put the IV in then walked out of the room. Sebastian stood up and leaned over to kiss your forehead. He started walking around the room snooping in the cabinets and drawers.  He pulled the otoscope down from the wall and turned the light on.

“What do they do with this?”

“Have you ever seen a doctor? That’s what they use to look in your ears.”

His mouth pulled up into a frown as he nodded his head. He put it back and then started to pull the covers for the otoscope out of the dispenser and placed them on his fingers.

“It’s like those me me’s of Chris with the fingernails.”

“God, my boyfriend is a 12 year old. And it’s meme. Not me me.” You knew he was just trying to distract you and it was kind of working because he was so adorable.

The doctor then came in the room and introduced herself.

“Okay, so we got the results of your tests back and it seems you are pregnant.”

“I’m sorry…I’m what?”

“Your blood tests came back positive for pregnancy. I’m guessing you didn’t know?”

You and Sebastian looked at each other in shock.

“No, I’m on birth control.”

“Birth control is only 99% effective so becoming pregnant when taking it is rare but not unheard of. Have you been on any antibiotics recently?”

“Yeah, like 2 months ago.”

“That could definitely be a factor as well. Some antibiotics lessen the effectiveness of birth control. Now you have had no bleeding so that is a good sign but I’m going to do an ultrasound to check on everything okay?”

Frozen in disbelief you didn’t answer so Sebastian did.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

You had stopped listening and weren’t sure when exactly when she left. Sebastian brought you out of your haze. Sitting on the bed he grabbed your hand and said, “Hey, look at me.”

“This can’t be happening. How did I not know?” you asked. As you looked at his face he seemed so unbelievably calm.

“Whatever happens, we’re going to get through it. We are going to be okay. I’ve got you, okay?”

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed.

“Come on,” he said as he pulled you into his arms. He lifted your head up to kiss you.

“I love you.”

“Love you.”

The doctor came in bringing in an ultrasound machine and you laid on your back. Sebastian was sitting in his chair next to your bed and was holding your hand between his and resting them under his chin.

As you turned your head and looked at him he smiled and said, “I’ve got you.”

You forced a smile. The room was quiet with the lights turned down and you were holding your breath for what seemed like an hour while the doctor started the ultrasound. You were too scared to look at the screen so you just stared at Sebastian.

“Okay, so based on the measurements I would say you are about 7-8 weeks along. If you look here, this is the amniotic sac and this is the baby right here,” the doctor said pointing at the screen. You turned and looked at what she was pointing at. “And this flickering here is your baby’s heartbeat.”

You stared at the little moving black and white form on the screen and you brought your free hand up to your mouth while Sebastian let out a breath and kissed the hand he was holding.

“Is the baby okay?” Sebastian asked the doctor.

“I would say so, yes. The heart beat is strong. You’re still going to want to go see an obstetrician as soon as you can but I think everything looks great here. Some women experience pain in the beginning of pregnancy because their body is preparing for the growing uterus so your pain is not unusual.”

You were ugly crying at this point but you didn’t care. You had gone from being in pain to being a mom not knowing if her child was okay or not to being the happiest you have ever been.

“I’m going to print some pictures for you and I’ll get you started on some prenatal vitamins. You can take tylenol for the pain. The nurse will be in shortly to take out your IV. Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” you said as she walked out of the room. You looked at Sebastian and started to say something but were cut off by him crashing his lips against yours.

“You have no idea how happy you just made me,” he said hugging you, then kissing you, then hugging, and kissing and all over again. You had never seen him this happy before. He looked like pure joy wrapped in bliss and covered with all the love in the world.

“Oh my god…Oh god. What if I’m not ready? Oh my god, I’m not ready!“ you started freaking out and panicking.

“Are you kidding? You’re going to be the best mom. I’ve seen you with Noah and Harper. You always know what to do and they love you so much. You’re going to be amazing. I have no doubts.”

“I have doubts! Me! I have doubts!”

“Y/n,” he said holding your face and looking deep in your eyes. “Let’s go home and I’ll tell you 1000 reasons I know you are going to be a good mom. And I’m going to tell you over and over until you believe me.”

His eyes always had a way of hypnotizing you and calmed you down.

“Ok,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him and he held you tight.

“I love you so much,” he said.

“I love you too. You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you.”

It took him 2 days but he eventually convinced you. Then it was his turn to freak out. It was so nice of you two to take turns. He had been so busy keeping you calm and convincing you that you would be a good mom that he didn’t even think about what this made him.

“You know how I know you are going to be a good dad? You don’t give up when things get hard. You let Harper put makeup on you. You fixed her toy that she broke. You love me so you are obviously smart. You are so wonderfully caring and considerate. And your mom raised you right. You’ll know what to do by just being her son. I have no doubts.”

“None?”

“I have zero doubts,” you repeated as you put your arms up around his neck and kissed him. He had his arms low and around your waist. “We have 7 months to prepare. We are going to be fine.”

“You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you,” he repeated your words back to you. Even when he is scared he is still trying to make you laugh.

With both of you finally done with your freak outs you decided to keep the news between just the two of you for a little while. It was sort of fun keeping a secret. You had both known for about a month so you were now 12 weeks pregnant and definitely starting to show.

You and Sebastian FaceTimed with your family and told them to which your mom cried happy tears. You and Sebastian went to dinner with his mom and stepdad and told them. They were thrilled of course. His mom told you, “Good luck with finding a name. Nothing goes with Stan!” You told a couple of your close friends back in Atlanta and they were sworn to secrecy as were Seb’s close friends.

They all had the same follow up question to the news: when’s the wedding? You never really gave Sebastian a chance to say anything because your response was, “I have bigger priorities right now.”

Everyone asked. Everyone except Chris. God bless him.

“Not drinking Y/n? Are you pregnant or something?” he asked jokingly when he met you and Sebastian for dinner while doing press in NYC.

When you said nothing and Sebastian just smiled Chris turned into a child on Christmas morning.

“No way! Seriously? I’m so happy for you! This is so great!” He stood up and hugged you and then Sebastian. “So I’m like the godfather right? I mean I’m the reason this is happening at all.”

“Yes, Chris you will be the one doing all the hard work,” you sarcastically responded.

“Well, Chris…it’s a great name. Something to think about,” Chris offered.

“Yeah, not happening. Sorry man,” Sebastian said

Dinner was spent catching up. You hadn’t seen Chris in at least 5 months and probably only talked a few times. Sebastian talks to him more. You and Chris were weird. You could work together every day for months and then not see or talk for months but you always picked up right where you left off.

After telling Chris 3 more times that he would not be naming his child Chris, Sebastian looked at you and asked, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Chris…thanks for dinner.”

“I’m so happy for you guys,” he said giving you a huge hug and then one to Sebastian. “Hey, I’m back in New York in a few months so if I don’t see you before then just do me a favor. Promise me you’ll think about the name. Middle name would work!”

“Quick. Just walk away,” you said grabbing Sebastian’s hand and walking away.

Once home you went straight into the shower while he returned a call to his manager. You were in there for maybe 5 minutes when Seb walked into the bathroom on the way to the closet. As he walked in he saw you through the steam and the glass doors. Your hands were running through your wet hair and your stomach was beautifully plumped out with his baby.

When you noticed him standing there you simply opened the door and asked “Are you coming in or not?”

He immediately undid his belt and zipper and walked out of his pants while taking his shirt off. Stepping in to join you he walked you backwards until your back hit the wall. Despite it being a hot shower the wall was cold and you took in a deep breath as the temperature change shocked you. His lips were on yours while his hands were massaging your breasts as he leaned against you. You brought your hand down to stroke his cock and he sighed into your mouth.

He slowly moved his hands down your sides stopping at your hips and tightening his grip to pull you even closer. One hand continued to trail down your side to cup your ass and the other reached up to move your stroking arm up around his neck so you would have something to hold on to. With both hands on your ass now he lifted you off the ground and your legs were hooked around his waist.

Wasting no time he lined you up perfectly and with one thrust he was in. He gently moved his hips so he was moving in and out while his mouth was on yours. You broke the kiss when he began to speed up his rhythm and he buried his face in your neck. Your grip on his shoulders was getting tighter and he knew you were close so he didn’t hold back. Giving you all he had he felt you tighten around him as your back arched and his name passed your lips. He loved hearing you say his name and it took only a few more thrusts for him to come.

You brought your hands up to cup his face and kissed him as he set you back on your feet. He told you he loved you as his hands rested on your stomach. 

“I love you too. I’d love you even more if you went out and got me a cheesecake.”

“Whatever you want,” he said with a loving smile.

Next Chapter

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[iridescentides]

🔥 + any hot takes/thoughts/unpopular opinions about Glee, A:tLA, and Umbrella Academy bc you reblog a lot of them and I love those shows

AH thank you so so much for sending this! i will try to limit myself bc i have a lot of opinions okay

Glee

i could go on and on about glee bc there are 12 billion things to say (and the show is super long). but i think my most controversial opinions are:

i dont ship finchel or klaine. at all.

i can explain. i have a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with rachel as a character. sometimes i feel bad for her bc its clear shes struggling and insecure and shes a flawed female character which we need to appreciate. BUT she is just so unbearably annoying, selfish, and awful to everyone around her, and season 5 was the point where i finally made a decision. i dont like her. similarly, i hate finn bc he is overglorified by the other characters on the show, without any actions supporting it. they all say that finn is their leader, that hes the nicest guy ever, and praise him like a hero when in reality, he calls people slurs, outs them in the hallway, cheats on his girlfriends, and just overall acts like a douche towards anyone he doesnt immediately understand or relate to or wanna fuck. they all SAY hes amazing, but his actions just do not support that at all, and thats bad writing imo. i think because those characters are awful, their relationship is a colossal mess, and i think if i had to choose a definitive least favorite point for them, it would be when finn beat brody up for dating rachel. like what did the show want us to appreciate about that??? thats not romantic at all!!! thats disgusting and a sign that finn needs help. physically threatening people who date your exes? who does that??? and we’re supposed to think its cute bc he says “my future wife.” mhm. sure.

i hate klaine bc while i love kurt, i think blaine is awful to him. blaine relies heavily on having a sense of power over kurt, and this is even openly explored in one of the later episodes, but not resolved well imo. from the moment they met and got together, blaine was using his power and standing as head of the warblers to subtly make kurt feel lesser. he liked feeling like he held some sort of power in the relationship. then, when he goes to new york and gains weight and thinks of himself as less attractive, he gets angry and jealous of kurt bc he wants to be the “hot” one in the relationship, and always considered himself as such. if you are comparing yourself to your partner in that way, please break up with them and learn how to feel complete by yourself. blaines insecurities repeatedly fucked up their relationship, and i never have and never will ship them. the fact that they last minute decided to get married, ignoring their glaring issues with living together and teamwork in general, due to social pressure to crash brittanas wedding was absolutely ridiculous and a bullshit wrap up to their story.

A:TLA

okay so i know everyone is having fun rn joking about how “zukka nation has risen” but i honestly dont see it and never will. i dont get where the fandom has just decided this year to prioritize a ship that gets no real exposure, no buildup, and basically a two episode arc in terms of trust and teamwork. i recently saw a post talking about how theres not much fan content for mai/ty lee, who have an actual solid friendship (and ty lee literally risked her life to save mai), but theres tons of fans pushing zukka and acting like its THE ship we should all be shipping, showing the general bias fandoms have for mlm over wlw. something to think about. ive been zutara trash since i was 11 years old, so needless to say, i would pick them over zukka any day.

piggybacking off of the weird superiority complex people have for shipping zukka, i have always been annoyed by sokka stans in general? just to be clear, i love sokka, and i dont think there is anything wrong with loving him! but i HATE how people who consider sokka their favorite character act like theyre special for that? people are always crying that hes “underappreciated” and that hes so much smarter and more capable than anyone else. and i personally have not seen a single person criticize sokka, when ive seen at least small bits of hate thrown at each character. my point here is, loving sokka is a super popular opinion to have, and literally everyone loves sokka! so when people act like theyre the only one who truly appreciates sokka it really bugs me bc like. it truly doesnt make you special. everyone has a different favorite atla character but i pretty much only see sokka stans with this odd superiority complex, acting like theyre so rare for loving a super loveable character.

TUA

idk if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but the show would be unwatchable without klaus. hes pretty much everyones favorite character, we all see ourselves in him and we root for him and we laugh at him, and while i agree with the sentiment that he gets a disproportionate amount of attention for how ultimately irrelevant he is to the plot, i literally would not care about tua at all without him.

on the flipside of that, i want to love allison so badly, but she gets no time or attention or development at all. her main traits are inc*st and missing her child. she gets nothing beyond that, and we dont know as much about her as the rest of the siblings. it hurts my heart to see the only woman of color in the family being treated so obviously like a side character in an ensemble cast. im really hoping we see more of her in s2.

thank you so much for sending these!!! i obviously love these shows a lot, im just picky about these things.

Send Me a 🔥+ a Topic, and I’ll Tell You My Honest Opinion About It!

[hidemystupidhunger]

so. i realized yesterday that i might (probably) have pcos. my cycle has been fucked up for years, the first time i clearly remember being a little nervous about my cycle was around 3 years ago which is the first time i remember it getting longer and longer. my average cycle length as of now is anywhere from 45-55+ days and i often skip months. ive only had 4 periods so far this year and its july so yikes ig. also, obviously im fat. yall know my current weight is around 230lbs (which side note i havent weighed myself in like. weeks because i really thought i gained and was so nervous that i was back at my sw or higher but i basically am the same weight i was the last time i weighed myself so wish i lost more but thank GOD i didnt gain. ANYWAY back to it lol) and despite having an eating disorder for. 7? 8? years ive never really been able to lose more than like. 10-20lbs at a time. which could be partly because of pcos. also, i have hair on my chin thats super thick and dark and even though i dont have TOO much of that i feel like i kinda have a significant amount of it. needless to say, im going to the doctors about this and if i dont have pcos ill honestly be shocked. i have no idea what else i could have thats causing these things. ive been looking at posts having to do with pcos and im honestly hoping i can get diagnosed with it and get prescribed metformin because ive heard it helped a ton of people with pcos lose weight. honestly, the ONLY symptom of pcos i have thats bothering me right now is the weight because im a trans man who doesnt want children at all lmao.

[lobstergirls]

detrans diary month 2

(there is no part one to this because mistakes were made)

it’s been roughly two months since my last shot (july 28) and my shots were on a weekly basis until that point. here’s some of the changes i’ve experienced. grain of salt here: i’ve also been losing weight steadily since june and am down from 190ish to 150. i have also been getting like zero sleep lately because of school :/

skin: my skin has gotten crazy good. i don’t have memory enough to know whether it was this good pre t but i feel like the answer is no. that’s crazy when you also consider that ive been eating total garbage and barely sleeping for the past month

head hair: not sure on this. it’s getting longer naturally, but i don’t really know if anything is changing. i think it’s a bit less oily and might actually be getting lighter in color? it’s also pretty soft. i don’t think my receding hairline is improving at all but time will tell

body hair: i think my body hair is starting to slow down a little but not by much at all. all of the hair on my stomach and chest is solid black and has multiple hairs per folicle

facial hair: no actual change as far as i know, maybe a little slower? i have been shaving and plucking regularly

nails: this is a hard one to judge because i used to bite them but my nails are growing like crazy. i also think the not-biting my nails thing can be attributed to a reduction in anxiety

energy/brain: i am super lethargic all the time but can’t separate all of that from my bad sleep schedule. i feel like my ritalin is less effective than normal (despite going down a weight class) and might need to switch up doses

voice: definitely lighter. it’s more comfortable to talk towards the top of my range at this point. i don’t think anyone in real life has noticed this

emotional: weirdly chill? i tried to detrans a few years ago (oops) and immediately was having crazy intense mood swings and crying all the time. (admittedly this was probably ptsd related.) so far i have felt basically zero change on this level. i am maybe 5% more capable of crying on a bad day

sexual: what can i say..i don’t fuck. i don’t even think about sex at this point and it’s not odd to go like two weeks without masturbating (at which point it’s routine more than anything). even pre-t as a teen this would be absurd for me. physically i don’t know if anything is different, maybe a little less rowdy

sexuality: happy late international lesbian day

breasts: i’ve lost weight in my chest along with everything else but have been feeling really itchy lately. i wouldn’t rule out the possibility that i am experiencing some regrowth. i am considering doing some weight cycling for this reason but idk

body: i have definitely lost a ton of muscle (not intentionally gained) but some of that comes with the rapid weight loss. i have an hourglass figure that never really went away on T and is getting more exaggerated as time goes on. here’s me in a fitted dress with no breastforms or anything a month ago:

menstrual: i had a very light period last week (during a camping trip no less) but it was fine. my periods have always been super weird and irregular (PCOS) so i am assuming it’s going to get crazy in a few months

public perception: i get “ladies”ed regardless of how i look because i only hang out with women really, but i’ve had a few strangers avoid pronouns on me lately. a lot of my changes are currently masked by the weight loss but i’ve gotten many comments about how i look like a completely different person and they don’t know why

self perception and gender identity: overall i think i look really pretty tbh. i know logically that i was blessed with some pretty crazy bone structure and have been told often (i am stealth) that i would make a beautiful girl (lol). the word “woman” still feels too heavy to me and i’m not forcing myself to be totally cool with it, but i am still feeling a huge sense of relief to just be chilling about things. i legitimately am not really experiencing dysphoria at this point (except some “reverse” dysphoria) but i am trying to move slowly to not freak myself out. i am still boy mode at school and work (though i am wearing all women’s clothing, just the butchier stuff) and am working up to telling people outside my family and best friend who know. time will tell how that goes

let me know if there’s anything y’all are interested in about this

[purplesurveys]

424

A health survey. Must be fun.

What health problems do you have right now? Well my back is a bitch 24/7; my joints hurt when it gets cold; I have scoliosis; and mentally speaking I’m not very stable either. I sound 60. Are you in chronic pain? Never been diagnosed with such, no. What do you take medications for? I don’t. I probably need to, but the state of mental health care in the Philippines is just so inaccessible: it’s expensive, available services are few and far between, and anyone younger than 21 needs to get written consent from their parents, which can be difficult if someone’s parents don’t actually believe in mental health issues. There is a lot of work to be done. What are some health issues you have had in the past? My lactose intolerance was a problem when I was an infant. My family didn’t know I had it, so they kept panicking when I would just poop out all the milk they fed me all day and when my stomach would end up storing nothing. It got critical and I had to be sent to the hospital, but it turned out well after. Do you have allergies? Nope. Free to eat and be in contact with anything.

If so, what are you allergic to? Have you ever been to an allergist? No, never had to. Have you ever been to the ER? Mmm nope, never been in an emergency situation. Have you ever been treated poorly in the ER? Have you ever been told your symptoms were anxiety, when they weren't? I haven’t been tested for that. When I was doing my health exam for university though, they did review my mental health and suspected me of having depression, but they didn’t declare symptoms or formally diagnose me or anything. What is the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? Probably scraping and kicking my feet against coral reefs when I went snorkeling back in ‘09. I had no flippers and I was panicking (I wasn’t used to using the snorkeling mask to breathe) so I was thrashing my legs around in the water. I knew I was hitting the coral reefs and they were fucking sharp, but I was panicking so I powered through even though it meant I had to hit them every time I kicked. It was painful while I was swimming and even more painful in the weeks that followed. It was the worst infected wound I’ve ever had. Just imagine kicking a razor-sharp boulder with your bare feet. How many surgeries have you had? Zero. I hope I never need any, the thought of surgery terrifies me. What types of surgery have you had? Have you always recovered well from surgery? Have you ever been treated poorly by a doctor? YES!!! The ones in my university’s health service are horrible. Case in point, my health exam for admission to UP: I know it’s part of a doctor’s job, but the doctor assigned to me back then touched my breasts very hastily to check for suspicious bumps. It would have helped tons if 1) she gave me a heads-up beforehand and 2) asked permission, but this lady just told me to lie down and went ahead to stick her hand under my shirt. As someone who had only been fresh out of Catholic school at that point, it was the perfect opportunity to panic. Same doctor was the one who suspected I was depressed after reviewing my mental health form, but instead of being helpful she DEMANDED reasons why I felt that way. I was already uncomfortable with the boob incident by then and was too stunned to speak, so I just kept saying I was fine and that I was mentally stable. In reality I just wanted to get out from that nasty old bitch. Have you ever had a doctor tried to kill you? Oh well that’s just taking it a million times further. No. Is your primary care doctor a man or a woman? I don’t have one. Have you had the same primary care doctor your whole life? We don’t have a family doctor. Are you happy with your current doctor? Have you ever seen a specialist for anything? X-ray technicians. I had trips to see them the most when we found out I had scoliosis.   What is the most itchiest thing you have ever experienced? I had weird rashes on my legs one time in high school, and since I was stubborn I kept scratching them until they turned into nasty black and blue wounds/bruises and cuts. I still have no idea where they came from. Have you ever had a severe itch, that you'd rate a 10? ^ That. On a scale of 1-10, what's the worst physical pain you've ever been in? The coral reef incident is an easy 20. Have you ever passed out from pain? Noooooo. Passing out from pain is one of my greatest fears. I avoid encountering anything painful as much as I can just because I’m scared of the thought of passing out because of pain. Have you ever thrown up from pain? Nope. Just from drinking and expired barbecue lmfao. Do you have any food intolerances? If so, to what? It’s not official, but I hate fruits. Like, I can immediately tell if something has fruit in it and I will spit it out accordingly. That and raisins. Do you have any food sensitivities? If so, to what? Nope. What medications are you allergic to? Do you have acne? A small pimple shows up every now and then (mostly when I’m stressed or if my face gets oily) but it’s never been a full-on breakout. I’ve been lucky when it comes to acne. Do you take birth control pills? I don’t. I want to take them just because I heard it makes your breasts get bigger hahahahahaha but Gab is adamant about not letting me take them. Are your hormones screwed up? Mm no, they’re not that bad. Obviously they act up when I’m nearing or on my period e.g. cravings, crying all the time, being sensitive about everything, but not to the point that my period is irregular or gives me severe dysmenorrhea. Do you have bad withdrawals from medications? I don’t take meds to begin with. What are some withdrawal symptoms you've had? What are some bad side effects of medications that you've had? Have you ever gained weight from a medication? If so, how much? Have you ever had to take Prednisone? Never even heard of it. If so, did it make you gain weight and make your face puff up? Looks like I’m skipping lots of questions. How many hours a sleep do you need? Don’t adults need 8 hours, in general? How many hours a sleep do you get? I try to make it to 8, but I’ve been really busy for this semester that it ends up being 5-7 hours instead. Do you exercise enough? I don’t at all, haaaaaaaaaaah. Do you eat healthy? I do like vegetables and will happily eat salads and sandwiches with veggies packed in them, but I tend to balance it out with grossly unhealthy food anyway, so you decide if this still counts as healthy. Are you on a special diet for your health? No, I don’t think I need to be. Are you trying to lose weight or gain weight? Gain, which I’m on the way to doing. I’m a little chubbier now compared to high school. Are you a healthy weight? I’m 90 lbs. the last time I checked. Relative to my height, that’s underweight. Are you happy with your weight? Sure, but gaining a few pounds wouldn’t hurt either. How often do you wash your hair? Everyday if I’m in school; every other day if I’m on summer break. Do you take showers or baths? Showers. How often do you shower or bathe? ^ Same thing. Do you take vitamins? If so, which ones? I used to take two vitamin syrups everyday when I was younger: one for vitamin C and the other to help me grow taller. When I got a little older my mom changed our usual syrups to these cute vitamin C gummy bears, then after a while I just stopped taking. What bones have you broken? Haven’t broken any, fortunately.  What's the worst physical injury you've had? Aside from my icky foot infection, I had a bad fall in school a few months ago and my ankle got sprained pretty bad. I don’t think I gave it A+ treatment so it never really fully healed. I know this because the same foot still hurts whenever it’s in an odd position or when I shift too much of my weight on it. Do you have sensitive skin? Yes. It eventually gets itchy when my skin is out in the open. In high school, I often had a hard time walking from point A to B because my skin would always get irritated, but I couldn’t scratch it because I was wearing a skirt. What chemicals make you sick? Toxic ones, I would assume? Haha. What time of year do you usually get sick? I never get sick. What's the highest fever you've ever had? 40ºC. It was a dengue scare. Have you ever had the flu? Sure, a few times here and there. Have you ever had bronchitis? Nope. Have you ever had an ear infection? I don’t remember having one. Do you snore? Only when I’m so tired that I’m 130% passed out. What pain reliever do you use for cramps? My menstrual cramps never get that bad. If you're female, what symptoms do you get when on your period? My pelvis area and legs hurt; I cry over everything; I’m sensitive when people are angry; I will essentially take everything personally; my cravings either change every 5 minutes or I just want one food and I will murder to get such craving; I get very poopy; and sometimes I’ll get very drowsy. Do you have regular periods? Pretty much, yes. Sometimes they’ll be a few days early or late but very rarely does it go completely irregular. Are you afraid of shots? Deathly afraid. Like I would do everything to avoid having to take them.  Have you ever donated blood? No. Even if I wanted to, I’m not allowed to (underweight). Plus you have to be pricked for that, which is a Huge No-No for me. Do you do well with shots? If I absolutely have to have a shot, I can manage albeit with a lot of fidgeting. What I’m terrible with is IV. I had a huge meltdown the one and only time I needed to have a needle injected onto my wrist. I was a 12 year old grown ass person thrashing around in the hospital room lol. What x-rays have you had? Just my spine. Have you ever gotten a pill or a piece of food stuck in your throat? Pill-stuck-in-throat sensation happens sometimes, but it’s never been anything serious. What method of birth control do you use, if applicable? Do you take birth control to control hormones, or to prevent pregnancy? As mentioned, I don’t take it. How often does your hair need to be washed? I don’t know about need, but I wash it everyday or every other day so that it doesn’t get oily, which feels irritating. What do you keep on hand for emergencies? I don’t really keep stuff for emergency, just money hahaha. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? Nopes. If so, what were your symptoms? Have you ever used an epi pen? I have not. Have you ever been to the ER for a severe allergic reaction? Negative. What's the worst burn you've ever had? When I was 7, I wanted to do something daring so I touched a clothes iron that was plugged in and was in use (by my grandma, but she left to attend to something at the time). My index finger rightfully had a tiny blister for the next two weeks. My dumbass definitely deserved it. What's the worst allergic reaction you've ever had? No allergies. Have you had any health-related embarrassing moments? I don’t think anything bad enough has happened yet. If so, what happened? (if you want to share) Do you use tampons or pads? Pads. I’m scared of tampons. Do you sweat a lot? I don’t, actually. I drink a lot of water, but I guess I just don’t sweat much. Do you get nosebleeds? I’ve never experienced a nosebleed and am also too scared to get one. Do you get motion sickness? Pretty easily, especially if I’m riding an unfamiliar car. Do you have acne? I get a pimple every now and then but it’s not a big issue. Do you have scars? Sure. There’s one on my fourth right toe and the other one on my left eyebrow. What are some of your scars from? Toe scar is from when my toes got stuck in my bike’s blades (something like that, anyway); eyebrow scar is from a stupid cousin smashing a small glass bottle towards my face. Do you have a birthmark? If so, what color is it? I have a brown one behind my left shoulder. I also have one near my elbow; it used to be blue/green but now it’s a faint black-ish shade. What makes your eyes itch? Uh, dirt? I also know if I’ve been spending too much time in front of the computer when my eyes start feeling irritated. That’s usually my signal to go to bed or to have a break. Are you ticklish? Very. I can’t be tickled on any part of my body. Do you have a sweet tooth? I have my moods, but overly sweet food isn’t really a favorite of mine. Do you ever crave chocolate? Never, actually. I can crave sweet stuff like brownies and cookies, but never chocolate bars. Do you ever crave cheese? No. Lactose intolerance makes me wary of cheese so I never really ~crave it. What else, if anything, do you get cravings for? I usually crave for cuisines in general or specific restaurants.  Do you drink enough water? Yeah I’m pretty sure I do. Do you comfort eat when stressed? It varies. Sometimes I’ll rely on eating, but other times I’ll lose my appetite and wouldn’t want to be anywhere near food. How old were you when you started your period? I was 9 but was about to turn 10. How old were you when you started going through puberty? I am guessing the same age when I had my period, but everything sped up only when I was 10/11. What was the first sign of puberty for you? ...My period? Did your hair change when you went through puberty? Hair started to grow in places, but as for changes, not really. At what time of day do you normally feel your best? I don’t really keep track lol. Are you naturally optimistic or pessimistic? Um both, depending on my mood for the day. It never stays constant. Are you naturally energetic? I’m naturally un-energetic. Looking at extroverts exhausts me. Does your mind wander a lot? Only when I’m bored at something, like in a certain class. I can generally focus well. Do you know your blood type? I don’t actually hah. Have you ever been taken to the hospital against your will? Nope. Any final thoughts? Cool survey. It’s different.

[lsdpixies]

tw

not too many ppl i know irl follow my tumblr, but i know a ton of ed and weight loss blogs that do, a few being close friends of mine. for 2 years ive had an eating disorder. a year ago i fully recovered but i dont think anyone "fully" ever recovers yk? like the obsessive calorie counting and hesitation to eat certain foods will always stick with me. these past 5 months have been rough and i finally noticed last night and today how much of what i've been doing to myself is hurting the people i love when i thought they didnt notice or cared about me and i cant do it anymore. i was almost hospitalized this morning. i dont recognize myself anymore, not just physically. i keep having re occurring dreams of being in the hospital and my parents crying and i dont want that to happen. i dont want to hurt anyone else. the last few weeks have been absolutely terrible and stressful and events occurred that i had no say in. but with portion control and calorie obsession its the only thing i have in control, and i know it will only get worse and i will never truly b happy and love myself until i accept my body. i will start over the right way. i will be healthy. i dont really want to recover its fucking terrifying but if i cant do it for myself im going to do it for the people i love. reaching ur gw isnt the end. what happens after? u become too scared to eat again and gain so you will keep restricting even more. u will keep pushing to see the number on the scale get lower and lower and it wont stop until you want to get better. there is never an end until you make one. for anyone in recovery or not in recovery im so fucking proud of u. if anyone ever needs to talk or reach out my messages are always open. stay safe

[askdurianrider]

If carbs don’t make you fat then why is Unnatural Vegan losing post baby weight effortlessly now that she is doing low carb? Also a famous football player went vegan and started losing too much weight so he started eating lots of carbs to gain weight back and keep his weight up. I gained an enormous amount of weight on HCLFV and was never able to lose a pound after years. I went high fat vegan and lost weight finally. Please explain why this is. You need tons of exercise to be lean on carbs.

1. She is just restricting calories. She always been a yoyo dieter and always will be. I got swazye on youtube back in mid 2009. Her name is Swazye Foster and her channel name we created was called ‘fit on raw’. You dont know her like I do mate. 

2. You mean the famous footballer stopped using steroids and stopped eating meat cos he had a health scare and then lost weight but realized liver and kidneys can handle higher dosages of steroids if someone is vegan therefore making the anabolic effect even more effective. I eat more carbs per day than that guy so how come I can’t get over 66kg naturally no matter HOW many miles I DONT ride? Please explain why this is.

3. If you need tons of exercise to be lean on carbs then how do you explain all those plant based doctors Ive been promoting since 2008 - barnard, mcdougall, esselstyn etc. They are not fit at all and dont have a cult cycling following like I do but they are ALL trim and #carbthefuckup. Please explain.

4. Also please explain how I could get Swayze in such good shape she could become a best seller with before and after shots just like I helped HCH become. My advice fucking works. Look at me. Look at anyone that follows my advice longterm. See anyone stay fat these last 16 years? Me either mate. Please explain. :)

5. Ive got personal experience with all these crew. I know what works and what doesnt. You dont it seems. Less complaining and beating about DR and more training and eating like DR!

[rainbowravioli]

the way yoi staff is either blind or just rly fucken stupid. ive seen a lot of written reasons why people love yoi, and yuuri's probably the biggest one. cuz yuuris anxious. stubborn. chubby (at the beginning). yet so relatable. having him not to win gold, and to lose to yurio is like slapping him into face with words "nice try, loser, but not enough." on the other hand, letting yurio win is also a crime. its like telling him: "u're a brat, but thats ok." not only it doesnt help him, (1)

it just absolutelly messes with his character. and hes not even happy with gold. cant see how rude he will be in 2nd season. now, yurios cool. in his own twisted way. & breaking the cliché "the main character always wins" may look nice, but in the end its just N.O.N.S.E.N.S.E. yuuris favourite of reasons. of good reasons. some relate to him thanks to chubbiness, others due to anxiety. but hes not normal character. hes complex, yet so relatable. rly nice to see such a character like him. (2) thats why not letting him win is a big slap to the face. and dat character mess in last episode? (last only. ep 11 still made sense with characters, while the narrative was slowly destroyed [dem scores] - then in ep 12, the story made no fucken sense). there was anon who wrote to soobaki&you, the one with autism. i can feel their rage and disappointment in show. yuuris one of few reasons i still care bout the show. others are victor (they gonna fuck him up, save him), other characters (3) and their development (are they gonna defend yurio's behavior. i wanna kick his ass - i don't care if he has tragic backstory, thats no excuse for such a behavior hes doing). also, can they treat chris like person and not sex symbol. u just gotta have feeling staff loves yurio more and ignore yuuri. sometimes i wonder if they despite yuuri cuz of his "glass heart" (such a shitty name for his personality). also, the behavior to victor? asses, give him to me and ill write him a proper story. (4) i relate to yuuri way too much, too. imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent. & the fanon theories? vic cant do the dishes? bitch, ive been taking care of myself from young age & never had a problem doin' dishes (i do live w parents, but they kicked me to care bout myself pretty early). (5) cooking meals isnt my strongest thing, but i can prepare smth for myself to not die from hunger. dissing vic's character like dat? fight me, assholes. hes not like that. "hes an alien" thing? someone fucked up, can u feel it. btw, sorry for long message. you probably have tons of asks rn. let yoself rest too. peace~ (6)

You guys never have to apologize for long messages. I’m always very happy you want to talk to me. Also, yes, entrust me with your anger and salt! I’m here for you guys. 

I’m always here for Yuuri appreciation and Victor defense squad so let’s get to it. 

Like I mentioned here (x), Yuuri is one of the big reasons YoI works and achieved the popularity it did. Seriously, go look at positive reviews of YoI. Even in short ones, they usually take the time to specifically point out Yuuri as being an excellent character and protagonist. And he is. He’s a huge part of the initial appeal of the series and of what distinguishes YoI as something new and original.

Yuri on Ice is an adult story. Yuuri is not the typical sports anime protagonists who is a teenager still learning the sport and wanting to make it to the big competition for the first time, who has to learn about teamwork and friendship and is still growing up. No, Yuuri did all that already. He’s an adult, he’s the top male figure skater in Japan, he is in the middle of his career and it suddenly goes terribly for him. Yuuri is emotional, he has weight problems, he suffers from anxiety and a deep imposter syndrome that makes him an unreliable narrator, but he’s also determined and stubborn and he hates to lose. And he’s an adult who is facing the lowest point of his career and having to find the strength in himself and his support system to move forward. He’s complex, nuanced, flawed and very realistic. Many people can relate to him or identify him as someone they could easily know in real life. The audience wants Yuuri to succeed and to finally believe in himself and prove his self-worth to the world.

Aaaaaand that’s one of the reasons why episode 12 doesn’t work. There’s really no reason to have Yuuri lose, especially when we are told and shown throughout the series that he always had the ability, he only lacked the confidence. Having a consistent build up to Yuuri winning gold at the GPF only to have him lose is not edgy, or clever, or “realistic” (x) (if I have to hear this argument one more time I’m going to set something on fire). Breaking the “cliché” does not make for quality writing. It’s particularly baffling in a series like YoI that managed to consistently surprise the audience in ways that added to the narrative and made sense, like the brilliantly executed plot twist of last year’s banquet.

Thing is, in the case of YoI, Yuuri losing is not even breaking the cliché because Yuuri’s entire story and journey doesn’t adhere to typical sports anime conventions to start with. Having him lose to Yurio is particularly insulting. Not only does it justify every single one of Yuuri’s earlier fears and doubts but it completely turns the story’s themes and meaning on its head. Yurio is a brash teenage genius who has been a prodigy since he was young, starts the series already believing he is better than anyone and then he proves it by shedding his entire identity for better scores (and developing super powers in the last episodes). Did Yurio learn anything? No, other than having his terrible behaviour justified. Hell, he’s even unhappy with his result because Yuuri beat his FS score, how dare he. Did Yuuri learn or gain anything? No, just that even while trying his hardest and battling through his anxiety he’s still just not good enough. Genius > hard work.

It’s weird and concerning how the staff has been acting and talking about the characters post finale. Sometimes it feels like they just wanted to make Yurio the protagonist but were aware he would never have been able to carry the story properly (YoI wouldn’t be even a quarter as popular as it is now if it had been Yurio on Ice, fight me). I just want them to treat Yuuri like the protagonist he is and, while we’re at it, shower him in the same level of love and attention they are giving Yurio. I anxiously await for season 2...they better compensate Yuuri. RIP Victor though. Poor dear, he also deserved much better and was completely screwed over. I swear, it’s like episode 10 never happened.

imma not kiddin', when finale happened & i figured out what was goin' on, my school marks just dropped down. people may laugh at me, but when u still have the message "nice try, try again" in ur head, people cant expect ull be doing excellent

There’s nothing laughable about fiction touching us deeply like that. *hug* I hope you’re doing better now. I understand. I...was kind of in a deep sad daze for a good while after the finale. It felt like betrayal. Specifically 12 because I was not panicking after 11. Episode 11 still makes sense. I just avoid it now because in retrospect it was the beginning of the end *sigh*

As for fanon interpretations. I can’t with Victor and the dishes! He’s an adult, he can take care of himself. I don’t understand why people think it’s cute or charming to portray him as some kind of human disaster who has only survived without “housewife” Yuuri so far by ways of a miracle. I also can’t with Victor having no impulse control and Yuuri having to keep him in check when in canon that’s Yuuri! Yuuri is the impulsive one. Victor is actually a much more controlled and thoughtful character than people give him credit for. Also Yuuri being serious and cold towards Victor and constantly threatening divorced (though with some of the things people have fanon Victor do, I can understand where the divorce comes from). Oh and any of them preferring the other’s merchandise over the real person. That’s not cute. And this doesn’t even cover all my fanon problems but good God. What’s the appeal of taking a healthy, loving, equal relationship and twisting it into that?

As for “alien” Victor...well Kubo is partially at fault for that one, isn’t she? But fandom just went with it. And it bothers me because it dehumanizes him. I feel like many people just don’t care to understand his character at all and just have him be this ~wacky random guy who is so mysterious and incomprehensible in his actions~. Victor deserves better. Time to pull out that badge again. 

[attiqdemos]

it’s national eating disorder awareness week, and a lot of my friends are posting about it on facebook, but i don’t want to do that bc it feels weird so here

i had disordered eating for the last 2 years of high school. it seems more severe now than it did back then, maybe because back then i thought it was normal. okay maybe not normal--i knew it wasn’t normal--but i’d hear about the girls who dropped 60 pounds and got so sick they had to be hospitalized and fed through an iv tube and i knew that was never going to be me so i thought mine wasn’t that severe. looking back on it now, i’m honestly amazed that any part of me thought what i was doing was in any way rational. 

i never wanted to say i had anorexia; i read stuff online saying you could only have anorexia if you were underweight, so i never used that word about myself. it was just a diet, or, at worst, unhealthy eating habits. i didn’t tell anyone except three of my closest friends from other schools, because i didn’t want anyone from my school to find out for fear that they’d try to stop me, or worse yet, tell my parents. one of my friends from my school noticed something was weird and she actually reached out to one of those people that i told and it was one of the scariest days of my life even though i know it was coming from a place of love.

it was worst at the beginning of my senior year. college applications and schoolwork and honor societies and extracurriculars and band and my job and everything kind of came crashing down at once, and i wanted to feel like i had control over something at least, but i guess i overdid it. i have some strangely specific memories of that time, almost like vignettes: sitting in my first period ap gov class, not paying attention, writing out on the little calendar in my planner how many calories i would eat each day and meticulously calculating how long it’d take me to drop six pounds (according to my numbers, 25 days.) recalibrating my daily calorie counter in my head each time i took a bite of something to make sure i wouldn’t go over 700. i was obsessed with myfitnesspal; i would literally measure out half a cup of granola, weigh the amount of blueberries i put on it, to make sure i was getting accurate counts. i had the same thing at lunch every day: a handful of spinach topped with either a few berries and walnuts, half of an apple and a bit of crumbled cheddar cheese, or, if i was feeling extravagant, maybe slices of boiled egg. i drank a lot of those zero calorie fizzy water ice things for energy. i can’t even smell them anymore without feeling revulsion. 

i would flip my shit over the smallest things. i’d never eat everything that was on my dinner plate; one night, i came home from work, where i’d had a leftover salad for dinner, and my mom wanted me to finish my steak from the night before. it was three bites. i knew automatically that was about 100 calories. i’d already gone over my limit and eaten 750 that day. i couldn’t fucking eat anything else. i ended up crying over a piece of goddamn steak and making up something stupid about failing a quiz in school. whenever possible, i’d throw food out sneakily, or not eat meals and then tell my parents i had. 

i was never bulimic, which i’m really thankful for. i remember the closest i ever got to making myself throw up: after my interview at barnard, my family took me out to an indian restaurant to celebrate. indian was--is--my favorite kind of food. my dad told me i had to order everything. i did. i tried it all. i ate so much that i felt sluggish. in retrospect, it was a normal sized meal for me now, but to my artificially shrunken stomach then, it was way too much to handle. i knelt on the tile next to the toilet in the single-stall bathroom staring at the toilet water like it was taunting me. i dry heaved a couple times, stood up, brushed off my tights and walked out. 

vomiting would’ve been a step too far. later on, while i was beginning to ‘recover’ (i didn’t fully get over my issues with food until this summer), i would stand over the garbage can in my kitchen, take bites of brownies my mom made, chew them up, savor the flavor, and then spit them into a paper towel and throw them out. if we ever went out to eat, i’d look at the menus online beforehand to figure out what the lowest-calorie option was. we went to cheesecake factory once; i remember being thankful they had calorie counts for all their items online, then disgusted when i saw how high those counts were, then breathing a sigh of relief when i found an appetizer-sized portion of vegetable tacos that replaced the shell with a leaf of lettuce. it was 300 calories--half of my daily total. 

the closest i ever came to telling a medical professional was during an annual checkup during my senior year. i’d plummeted from 162 lbs, my highest weight in the summer before my sophomore year, to 134. she asked my how i did it: was it exercise? was it being on my feet at my job? i couldn’t give her an answer; i just started tearing up. i’m sure somewhere on my record there’s a note about risk for an eating disorder, but that’s all it ever was: a note. 

there was no clear-cut recovery process for me. there was no one moment where i stopped and said ‘i need to fix this.’ it was kind of just gradual; i had relapses, of course, but it generally wasn’t that bad since i came to college. i did gain a ton of weight my freshman year; it fluctuated a lot because of the all-you-can-eat meal plan, which was designed to help prevent eating disorders and food related anxiety for the students at my women’s college, but ironically ended up giving me more anxiety because of the lack of autonomy i was given over my choices of what to eat. but at some point either at the end of my second semester or the beginning of the summer, i finally stopped tallying up calories in my head. 

my weight has stabilized since then. i haven’t been on a scale in a year, but last i saw, it was something around 140, which is probably where it still is. i’m fine with that. it’s weird: i’m finally the size 6 i’d always wanted to be, but i’m not even sure how i got there. i looked in the mirror this morning and realized that somewhere along the line, i’d developed the thigh gap i’d always dreamed of; weirder yet, i found out i didn’t really care that i could see light shining through a tiny gap between my legs. i bought a crop top this summer. i still have flab on my stomach. it pokes out over the top of my jeans. i don’t care, though; i like the way i look in crop tops. i still don’t own a single pair of shorts, a remnant of my battle with my most detested body part--my thighs--but maybe this summer, i’ll finally get there. 

i don’t have tips for recovery, unfortunately. i don’t even know how i did it. i just stopped caring at some point. i have better things to worry about than some arbitrary number that’s supposed to quantify my physical being. the best thing i did, i think, is that i stopped comparing myself to other people.

it still comes and goes in waves. some days i think i’m beautiful; some days i’m fixated on my acne, my fat chin, my saggy tits, the pouch of fat above my pelvis, the cellulite dimples on my thighs. there’s nothing i can do about it. the society i live in has programmed me to notice these things. the best i can do is remember that it doesn’t define me. 

[skiini-minji-blog]

i keep coming to this stupid app and ranting about my stupid problems like they matter and i know nobody sees this shit so like whats the point with it you know i should just write whats going on by hand and hide it somewhere but the thing is i cant find a reason to get out of bed most of the time i cant find the energy to do things to care for myself i reslly need to shower but i dont care enough to get uo and change that im gonna look like a troll either way and this summer i was telling my friend who doesnt give a shit about my ed that im gonna lose a fuck ton of weight and be underweight and scary skinny and he STILL didnt care he just said “okay” and i know hes doubting me bc im not skinny im overweight and flabby and just gross abd all ive dont is gain weight im even bigger than i was at the start of this year im 17 and i still cant drive and i cant find the energy ti turn in my job application and even if i did end up getting the job i still wont have the motivation to go to work and do things id be too dead just laying in my room and this is my last year if high school and i took some hard classes and theylk take my early dismissal away unless i get a job and im so useless i cant do anything whether bc im uncapable or inexperienced or i lack the energy or motivation to so it maybe i should just die maybe that plan i made when i was 15 isnt so bad now but it was supposed to be after i graduate but it looks so fucking good right now i wanna cut myself until im lightheaded i want to abuse my body to punish myself for wasting this life im useless im useless worthless pathetic ugly wasted

[themoneybuff-blog]

The death of Anthony Bourdain: Thoughts on productivity, pleasure, and depression

Shares 141 Warning: This is a rare GRS post that contains salty language. If you dont like salty language, dont read this article. Anthony Bourdain killed himself Friday morning. So what? you might be thinking. Hes just another fucking celebrity who didnt know how good he had it. Maybe youre right. But his death has weighed heavy on me all weekend. On Friday morning, as I wrote the weekly Get Rich Slowly email, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday afternoon, as Kim and I worked in the yard, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday evening, as we soaked in our new hot tub with a friend, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Yesterday, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Today, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Now Im writing this article as an act of catharsis. Maybe itll help me to stop thinking about Anthony Bourdain. The Depression Trap I believe Anthony Bourdains death touched me deeply for a couple of reasons. I was a huge fan. Since listening him read the audio version of Kitchen Confidential a decade ago, Ive loved his work. Parts Unknown was probably my favorite travel show: raw and real and filled with food. Bourdain connected with everyone he met. His joy for life was contagious and his mind was sharp.Like Bourdain did, I struggle with depression. All my life, Ive experienced periodic descents into darkness. The first time this happened, I missed five weeks of sixth grade. In the nearly forty years since then, Ive developed a variety of coping mechanisms but they dont always work. In recent months since the middle of March the darkness has deepened and I dont know why. (And just as I missed five weeks of school back then, Ive been unable to get my work done in the present.) Let me make it clear that I am not suicidal. Right now, the biggest symptom of my depression is my inability to get shit done. But whereas suicide seems strange and senseless to most everyone else, depressives understand the appeal even if wed never consider it personally. One of the many stupid things about depression is that the condition doesnt care how awesome your life is. It doesnt care how successful you are. It doesnt care how much money you have. Depression is not rational. If it were, itd be easy to think your way out of it. Paula Froelich, one of Bourdains ex-girlfriends, put it like this:

Bourdains death didnt just make me introspective. It also led to a couple of interesting conversations about pleasure and productivity and about what really matters in life. The Productivity Trap Friday afternoon, I received email from a GRS reader well call Michael: Im sure you saw Anthony Bourdain killed himself. This to me was a telling quote: When asked during a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal whether he ever thought about stepping back from the breakneck pace of a job that kept him on the road 250 days a year, he replied, Too late for that. I think about it. I aspired to it. I feel guilty about it. I yearn for it. Balance? I fucking wish.' Obviously I didnt know Bourdain personally, or even know much about him as a public figure, but I think that mentality is common: Once youve become successful, the thought of ever ratcheting back seems unthinkable. Obviously, suicide is rare, but I think this mentality is common among successful people they stay in an unhappy status quo simply because they have so much invested in their self-image and public perception of themselves as successful people. I think Michael is onto something. Ive seen this in my own life, in the lives of friends and family, and the lives of colleagues. They fall into what you might call the productivity trap. (Heres an article I almost linked to the other day about the productivity trap: If youre so successful, why are you still working 70 hours a week?) I have one friend, for instance, with an enormously successful career. He has a popular blog, a popular podcast, best-selling books, and even an annual conference that attracts attendees from across the planet. Yet hes never satisfied not with himself nor with anybody else. Hes always looking for ways to make things bigger and better. He seems unhappy with who he is and what he has. Hes written publicly about his struggles with mental illness, but he hasnt revealed its full effects. Its not just my friend. Its me too. I see this pattern in my own life, and its something Ive deliberately decided to approach more mindfully. Why do I want to have a hot tub or travel to Ecuador? Why did I repurchase Get Rich Slowly and how often should I publish here? Why do I keep agreeing to public speaking gigs? Do I really want these things? Are they aligned with my personal mission statement? Will they really make me happy? (Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes the answer is no.) In his email, Michael continued: I think this is really the key to personal finance and early retirement actually stepping back and figure out what is important to you, and doing it, even if it seems like youre turning your back on a great career, or a nice house or whatever. That is the hardest part, which keeps most people in a life they dont want. They think I went to school X or work at company Y, so therefore I must live in this city or have that job or have that wardrobe and never ask themselves what, as individuals, makes them happy. The Pleasure Trap As our email conversation continued, Michael brought up another interesting point. He noted that our culture and this is especially true in the world of financial independence blogs is obsessed with experiences, such as travel. Yet in many ways, collecting experiences is no better (nor any different) than collecting things. Heres Michael again: [Bourdain] had the ne plus ultra of modern life: rich, famous, a job that 99% of the population would kill for, saw everything he wanted to see, ate everything he wanted to eat, Im sure slept with tons of women if that is what he wanted, took all the drugs he wanted. You name it, he had it. And, he hung himself in a hotel room in France, a twice-divorced man a continent away from his daughter and girlfriend. Im not bagging on him. I just think he illustrates something: A meaningful life doesnt consist of a series of cool experiences, or traveling or eating cool stuff. Bourdain did that stuff to an incredible degree, and it still didnt make him happy. I think that is what our society has forgotten. I feel like were always being told we should move a lot, travel a lot, be vaguely or overtly dismissive of the town or state we were born in, move for college and never move back homein short, basically be a free agent with fewer and fewer personal connections, or weaker connections. And, we get this [higher suicide rates]. [] I think this relates to personal finance. There is always this thought that thrift requires these huge sacrifices less travel, fewer new experiences, fewer new restaurants. But what if [these arent sacrifices]? What if irrespective of cost, that stuff isnt really a source of happiness? I mean, people accept that with respect to possessions nobody says a Cadillac or a 5000-square-foot home is the key to happiness but many, many people in our culture think new experiences are crucial to a happy life. It may be the opposite the continuity and free-time to invest in loving relationships may actually be the key to happiness. I told Kim about my conversation with Michael. Its the pleasure trap, she said. People fall for the lie that momentary pleasure equals happiness. But pleasure isnt the same as happiness. Shes right, of course. Happiness is like planting a garden, watching it grow, then enjoying the harvest. Pleasure is simply eating the fruit. Happiness is deeper and richer and longer lasting. Pleasure is fleeting; happiness is not. But happiness involves time and work and patience. Now, Ill admit: Im guilty as anyone else of falling into the pleasure trap, and in oh-so-many ways! I have to make a deliberate effort to look past immediate pleasure in order to consider long-term happiness. This often requires enduring unpleasant activities. Do I really want to go out in the cold and the rain to dig in the mud and plant my garden? No, not in this moment. Id rather sit in the hot tub. But if I dont plant the garden, Im sacrificing greater happiness in the future. Final Thoughts While I think that Kim and Michael are onto something the productivity trap and the pleasure trap are both real and both problematic I keep coming back to Anthony Bourdains battle with depression. During my recent road trip through the southeastern U.S., I talked with two friends who are fighting depression in their own lives. One friend has a spouse who cannot shake the condition despite counseling, despite exercise, despite a loving family. The other friend fights the condition himself and its led to weight gain and addictive tendencies. Therapy has helped some but its not a cure-all. As for myself, I havent yet returned to therapy although Im considering it. (Not so long ago, I spent a year working with a therapist to find ways to cope with anxiety and depression. It helped.) I want to stress again that I am not suicidal. But the depression has most definitely affected my daily existence, including my relationships, my health, and my work here at Get Rich Slowly. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. But I know that itll get better someday. Shares 141 https://www.getrichslowly.org/death-of-anthony-bourdain/

[mingmagazine-blog]

How I Came Into Martial Arts and What It Did For Me

Ah yes, Martial Arts; An art form that has inspired cultures throughout the world. It is in our movies, our music (Wu-Tang!), and our lexicon. It is a protector of peace and a deliverer of death. Without it, our world would be much different and weaker if you ask me. I always had an interest in it, but never pursued it until I was 28 years old. In my article, Bullying Is Not Manly: This Is My Story, I shared my childhood story of how I found my self-confidence and how I defeated bullying. Today, I want to take you down my path into adulthood and how martial arts helped me with my self-discovery.

How I Started

Army Combatives

Army Combatives. A martial art form derived from Gracie Jiu Jitsu

So I decided to call up a recruiter and join the Army. What does this have to do with Martial Arts? Well, after escaping my life of cultural mediocrity in Mississippi I landed in Relaxin’ Jackson (Fort Jackson) South Carolina for the beginning of my fun. Among the list of things I got to do, other than almost become a heat casualty at summer camp from hell, was Army Combatives (You can get the history and description right here).

As you all know, I boxed when I was a kid and the only “grappling” I knew was the WWE. The Drill Sergeants showed us all the basic techniques, and it was all alien to most of us except the high school wrestlers (they were salivating). My first impression was “This is pretty cool. I just do not see this happening to me.” My partner arm barred me in minutes. I would go on in my army career and have combative’s class but it never really caught my attention. Maybe it was the instructor, the presentation, or IT WAS EARLY AS FUCK. Not really sure but I wasn’t a fan. What turned me on to Martial Arts? Well…

The UFC

Ah yes, the sport that was once deemed “human cockfighting” by John “Moron” McCain. My first memories of the UFC was the buzz surrounding the first ever event now known as UFC 1. I recall hearing the adults talking about this little Brazilian guy in white pajamas crushing and choking guys out that were much bigger than him. Due to my age, I was unable to see it because of its brutality. As the years passed, I remember it being nothing more than a blood sport or sideshow. Since it was unsanctioned and not on TV, I did not pay much attention to its transformation. By 2006, it had already been sold to the Fertitta brothers, but nobody was watching… well not me at least.

I remember the day it finally caught my eye. It was Shamrock vs. Ortiz. I asked one of my friend’s “is this that Ultimate Fighting shit?” I was in total awe. The movement, the fluidity, and the grace of these fighters were just jaw dropping. The boxer in me said “That shit doesn’t work,” but the daredevil in me wanted to try it. As soon as I returned to the states from deployment, I began looking for MMA gyms. It was 2006, and there were none. So, I had to buy my time and PCS somewhere that had them, which, brought me to Maryland.

Interest Dwindled

This nasty shit was the only thing I put into my body and gave zero fucks

I moved to Maryland in January 2008. My interest in Martial Arts dwindled due to the lack of gyms where I was before, and the army had me pretty busy. All I wanted to do was chase girls and drink as if prohibition was making a comeback. I cared about nothing else. I only exercised because the Army forced me. Martial Arts did not cross my mind at the time until I met a buddy that was involved in Krav Maga and BJJ. I vaguely told him I wanted to be better at self-defense, and he tried talking me into it but to no avail. I wanted to party too much. What a shame.

The Dungeon

Eventually, most of my friends met significant others, and we all went our separate ways. I met a great girl and moved back to Mississippi (Don’t ask me why). I felt empty after getting out, and I was gaining weight. All this testosterone that I expended in the army was not being put to good use. I thought that being a security officer at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel would help alleviate all that aggression. Despite the seldom altercations, I was wrong. I did meet someone that sparked my interest for good. That guy’s name was John Dixson, and he was the sensei at his gym known as “The Dungeon.”

It was a legit MMA gym that lived up to its name. It was hotter than hell, and he had some killers in his gym who were already on the local pro/amateur scene. Coach Dixson introduced me to Muay Thai, Judo, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (staples of MMA). Coach gave me the tools I needed to have a basic understanding of the trade, and it was enough to get me hooked. However, it was time to move back to Maryland.

Ivey League Mixed Martial Arts

Coach Danny Ives doing work on someone but also teaching in the process. I owe him a lot of as well as some of the other coaches.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Moving back to my home state had two good points; I got married, and I got to experience martial arts. The return to Maryland was not like the first time. My love for Martial Arts did not dwindle. I immediately went hunting for the perfect gym. The city of Annapolis is the home of the USNA, sailing, War of 1812 sites, the state capital, and Ivey League Mixed Martial Arts. The moment I stepped inside I felt excited, anxious, and nervous.

The guy that runs the place is Danny Ives. Master Danny is a BJJ black belt and former pro-MMA fighter that has tons of knowledge and knows the “who’s who” of the sport. Coach Danny is the epitome of class and hard work, and through his gym, my skills grew not only as a fighter but as a person. Coach Danny and his team of coaches (as well as fellow teammates) made me better each and every day and have me still wanting to learn more. I could not ask for a better gym, and I could not ask for better coaches or teammates. Shout out to you guys, thank you. Oss!

What Did It Really Do

Martial Arts simply made me into a better person. It made me goal oriented, focused, confident, and health conscious (the last one took some time because I love food.) The Army helped with those traits, but martial arts really pushed me over the edge. I think clearer, I am more considerate, less aggressive outside the gym, and take care of my body. It has really changed most of the bad habits in my life. It helped me quit dipping, eating terrible food, and cut back my alcohol intake. I even meditate sometimes. Martial Arts is not for everyone but take it from me, it’s worth a shot. Want to join the Ivey League family and live in the DMV? Find out how here.

[mingmagazine-blog]

How I Came Into Martial Arts and What It Did For Me

Ah yes, Martial Arts; An art form that has inspired cultures throughout the world. It is in our movies, our music (Wu-Tang!), and our lexicon. It is a protector of peace and a deliverer of death. Without it, our world would be much different and weaker if you ask me. I always had an interest in it, but never pursued it until I was 28 years old. In my article, Bullying Is Not Manly: This Is My Story, I shared my childhood story of how I found my self-confidence and how I defeated bullying. Today, I want to take you down my path into adulthood and how martial arts helped me with my self-discovery.

How I Started

Army Combatives

Army Combatives. A martial art form derived from Gracie Jiu Jitsu

So I decided to call up a recruiter and join the Army. What does this have to do with Martial Arts? Well, after escaping my life of cultural mediocrity in Mississippi I landed in Relaxin’ Jackson (Fort Jackson) South Carolina for the beginning of my fun. Among the list of things I got to do, other than almost become a heat casualty at summer camp from hell, was Army Combatives (You can get the history and description right here).

As you all know, I boxed when I was a kid and the only “grappling” I knew was the WWE. The Drill Sergeants showed us all the basic techniques, and it was all alien to most of us except the high school wrestlers (they were salivating). My first impression was “This is pretty cool. I just do not see this happening to me.” My partner arm barred me in minutes. I would go on in my army career and have combative’s class but it never really caught my attention. Maybe it was the instructor, the presentation, or IT WAS EARLY AS FUCK. Not really sure but I wasn’t a fan. What turned me on to Martial Arts? Well…

The UFC

Ah yes, the sport that was once deemed “human cockfighting” by John “Moron” McCain. My first memories of the UFC was the buzz surrounding the first ever event now known as UFC 1. I recall hearing the adults talking about this little Brazilian guy in white pajamas crushing and choking guys out that were much bigger than him. Due to my age, I was unable to see it because of its brutality. As the years passed, I remember it being nothing more than a blood sport or sideshow. Since it was unsanctioned and not on TV, I did not pay much attention to its transformation. By 2006, it had already been sold to the Fertitta brothers, but nobody was watching… well not me at least.

I remember the day it finally caught my eye. It was Shamrock vs. Ortiz. I asked one of my friend’s “is this that Ultimate Fighting shit?” I was in total awe. The movement, the fluidity, and the grace of these fighters were just jaw dropping. The boxer in me said “That shit doesn’t work,” but the daredevil in me wanted to try it. As soon as I returned to the states from deployment, I began looking for MMA gyms. It was 2006, and there were none. So, I had to buy my time and PCS somewhere that had them, which, brought me to Maryland.

Interest Dwindled

This nasty shit was the only thing I put into my body and gave zero fucks

I moved to Maryland in January 2008. My interest in Martial Arts dwindled due to the lack of gyms where I was before, and the army had me pretty busy. All I wanted to do was chase girls and drink as if prohibition was making a comeback. I cared about nothing else. I only exercised because the Army forced me. Martial Arts did not cross my mind at the time until I met a buddy that was involved in Krav Maga and BJJ. I vaguely told him I wanted to be better at self-defense, and he tried talking me into it but to no avail. I wanted to party too much. What a shame.

The Dungeon

Eventually, most of my friends met significant others, and we all went our separate ways. I met a great girl and moved back to Mississippi (Don’t ask me why). I felt empty after getting out, and I was gaining weight. All this testosterone that I expended in the army was not being put to good use. I thought that being a security officer at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel would help alleviate all that aggression. Despite the seldom altercations, I was wrong. I did meet someone that sparked my interest for good. That guy’s name was John Dixson, and he was the sensei at his gym known as “The Dungeon.”

It was a legit MMA gym that lived up to its name. It was hotter than hell, and he had some killers in his gym who were already on the local pro/amateur scene. Coach Dixson introduced me to Muay Thai, Judo, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (staples of MMA). Coach gave me the tools I needed to have a basic understanding of the trade, and it was enough to get me hooked. However, it was time to move back to Maryland.

Ivey League Mixed Martial Arts

Coach Danny Ives doing work on someone but also teaching in the process. I owe him a lot of as well as some of the other coaches.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Moving back to my home state had two good points; I got married, and I got to experience martial arts. The return to Maryland was not like the first time. My love for Martial Arts did not dwindle. I immediately went hunting for the perfect gym. The city of Annapolis is the home of the USNA, sailing, War of 1812 sites, the state capital, and Ivey League Mixed Martial Arts. The moment I stepped inside I felt excited, anxious, and nervous.

The guy that runs the place is Danny Ives. Master Danny is a BJJ black belt and former pro-MMA fighter that has tons of knowledge and knows the “who’s who” of the sport. Coach Danny is the epitome of class and hard work, and through his gym, my skills grew not only as a fighter but as a person. Coach Danny and his team of coaches (as well as fellow teammates) made me better each and every day and have me still wanting to learn more. I could not ask for a better gym, and I could not ask for better coaches or teammates. Shout out to you guys, thank you. Oss!

What Did It Really Do

Martial Arts simply made me into a better person. It made me goal oriented, focused, confident, and health conscious (the last one took some time because I love food.) The Army helped with those traits, but martial arts really pushed me over the edge. I think clearer, I am more considerate, less aggressive outside the gym, and take care of my body. It has really changed most of the bad habits in my life. It helped me quit dipping, eating terrible food, and cut back my alcohol intake. I even meditate sometimes. Martial Arts is not for everyone but take it from me, it’s worth a shot. Want to join the Ivey League family and live in the DMV? Find out how here.