#this is just a rly long rant so if i want to restrict again ill look back at this

[lsdpixies]

tw

not too many ppl i know irl follow my tumblr, but i know a ton of ed and weight loss blogs that do, a few being close friends of mine. for 2 years ive had an eating disorder. a year ago i fully recovered but i dont think anyone "fully" ever recovers yk? like the obsessive calorie counting and hesitation to eat certain foods will always stick with me. these past 5 months have been rough and i finally noticed last night and today how much of what i've been doing to myself is hurting the people i love when i thought they didnt notice or cared about me and i cant do it anymore. i was almost hospitalized this morning. i dont recognize myself anymore, not just physically. i keep having re occurring dreams of being in the hospital and my parents crying and i dont want that to happen. i dont want to hurt anyone else. the last few weeks have been absolutely terrible and stressful and events occurred that i had no say in. but with portion control and calorie obsession its the only thing i have in control, and i know it will only get worse and i will never truly b happy and love myself until i accept my body. i will start over the right way. i will be healthy. i dont really want to recover its fucking terrifying but if i cant do it for myself im going to do it for the people i love. reaching ur gw isnt the end. what happens after? u become too scared to eat again and gain so you will keep restricting even more. u will keep pushing to see the number on the scale get lower and lower and it wont stop until you want to get better. there is never an end until you make one. for anyone in recovery or not in recovery im so fucking proud of u. if anyone ever needs to talk or reach out my messages are always open. stay safe

[nudibutch]

hii advice ask anon here, so for context, im 19 n ive only ever hooked up with guys before n that was ethically icky so it doesnt count in my head🤝. basicallt i dont have a lot of experience being a Participant in sex lol. anyway since covid ended (here) ive been going out more to clubs and bars and it made me realize i can pretty much have sex with a girl anytime i want since i get hit on a lot, and i want to. and im moving soon so im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever. But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman. cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing but like rn for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate? sorry i know this sounds rambly but im pretty sure ur gonna get it or at least the overall theme😭 tldr:I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that and i dont want to have to be in a loving committed relationship to have sex with a girl becayse im not into that rn. Thank u in advance sorry for the long rant and also ur so sweet for making that long reply post i appreciate it

hey there! thanks for elaborating. i'm going to answer the rest of your ask in parts below the cut since there are multiple things i want to comment on.

"anyway since covid ended (here)"

while covid restrictions may have been lifted in your area, still be careful! especially with non-pandemic related illnesses, such as STDs. if you need any pointers on how to have safe sex, especially with someone with a vagina (since I feel like that's less emphasized than condoms and dicks), please ask.

"im not really into dating rn so hookups r my best bet to do that. but idk how to approach it cause likeee. emotionally im fine with it and i feel like i dont need any accommodation on behalf of the person to make me comfortable or whatever."

define "make you comfortable"? hookups don't have to be completely devoid of caring. it's just two people looking for a fun time. if you're nervous, maybe it isn't the time to seek a hookup yet. i can't really tell you if you're ready or not; only you know that. but i do want to remind you that you should feel comfortable during the hookup -- if you aren't comfortable, it won't be an enjoyable experience for you.

for example, the closest thing i came to a "hookup" was a short fling i had (we had sex once and only hung out maybe two or three times). it was a waitress that had given me her number. we met for a date, made sure we both weren't weirdos, and talked a lot about other things and only had sex like 1/3 of the time we did our fling thing. but even during hooking up, we were communicating and checking in and even derailing a little with conversations.

again, your wording here is vague, but i just wanted to remind you that hooking up doesn't need to be super impersonal.

"But physically. cant you TELL of someone has never had sex with a woman."

i think the main thing you need to focus on is listening to the other person. i've had sex with different people, but each new person i have sex with there's an adjustment period because their body likes different things. so it's kind of like i'm having sex for the first time each time. even though i have a general sense of what people like on average, i'm always asking the other person if what i'm doing is good. and a lot of times, i have to change what i'm doing. no harm, no foul, strongly encouraged.

"cause i rly dont want them to be able to tell because its not that deep for me and i dont want it to be a thing"

this is a conflicting statement to me. it sounds like it's important to you, and i think you should really evaluate whether them "being able to tell" is something that will bother you or not. if it's seriously distracting to you, that might cause undue anxiety during sex, which will definitely make it less fun for you.

"for instance i would only feel comfortable being on the receiving end of anything if im just with with a random person bc of emotional reasons. but is that how club hookups even work?? isnt it rude to not want to reciprocate?"

1) you are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. if that means only receiving, that is 100% okay. in general: it's okay to only want to receive. you aren't selfish.

2) here's how any sex, club hookup or not, should work: you lay out your boundaries. you do not owe that person an explanation unless you want to give one. the person lays out their boundaries. you both say "yeah im okay with that!" and have sex.

if you say "hey, i'm really only okay receiving right now, this is just where i'm at" and they shit on you or pressure you to reciprocate, thats not a person you should be having sex with.

additionally - there are plenty of people out there (like me!) who only want to give and prefer giving. main takeaway is that you should not EVER feel like you need to relinquish your boundaries for someone else, no matter if it's a club hookup or a serious relationship.

"I just feel like if im already in 18+ queer spaces everyone around u assumes youre cool and confident about everythint n im only 50% that"

i'll let you know right now that other people your age have also worried about this exact same thing -- why? because a lot of gay people experience these things later in life for multiple reasons (no out people to date in high school, stayed in closet for safety, etc.) like i said in my last answer to your first ask, performance anxiety is normal. but a lot of gay people your age are in the same boat, and many people don't experience their first kiss or have sex until their 20s, 30s, etc.

you don't owe anyone a "hey ive never had sex with a girl" unless telling them that (or something along those lines) makes you feel better. more likely than not a lot of people in the bar have never had sex, or very little sex, also. if someone's a dick about it to you, makes a rude comment or something...well, they're not a very good sexual partner anyway, and not worth your time.

my parting note: don't feel like you have to rush into things. i'm glad i could help clarify some things for you, but if you're about to move, etc., and are still grappling with some of this stuff...there's no rush. there's absolutely nothing wrong with being 19 (or 20, or 30...etc) and having not had sex yet. and about having sex with men in the past...i also want to remind you that this does not make you any less of a gay person (lesbian? i'm getting the vibe from this ask), especially with that shitty "gold star lesbian" thing that always goes around...you're all good. don't even sweat it. <3

i know this was long, but i hope there was something in here that helped! good luck out there and stay safe.