#i know its awful to say this but sometimes i actually hate her shes just

[aroacesigma]

i cant take thi anymore i genuinelly cannot why the fuck am i living with someone this awful why cant i have a sister who treats people like fucking people

[cinhomi]

𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: boyfriend's best friend Hwang Hyunjin x fem reader

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: you should've left your boyfriend sooner considering the man of your dreams, his best friend, has always been there for you... but the faithful event you were hoping for finally occurs and you find yourself at his house, in his arms, in his bed.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst?, smut, fluff, aquaintances to lovers

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cheating (but not really, you'll see), reader is in a toxic relationship, explicit descriptions of sexual acts, unprotected sex (it's sexy but use protection babes), fingering, pretty vanilla.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 6.4K

I have a thing for sex while it rains, it seems... and like this I post something after months. I'll work this storyline in the future too for Hyunjin, but for now, enjoy!

It's strange how sometimes we believe to be in the right place to later find out we were living in a lie, a product of our fervid imagination, just to not accept reality and the fact that life, or even our past self, played a good and structured not-so-funny prank on us.

These lies we tell ourselves most of the time are a response to our awful experiences, but they can become harmful in numerous types of ways, and we should learn that instead of letting us be tempted by sweet beliefs. When we find ourselves facing reality it's hard to accept it, it's ugly, but ugly things are part of life and we should try and accept them nonetheless, they may reveal themselves as lessons or the best things that happened to us, with various meanings to that.

What pisses people off the most is the "waste of time". And that's how you feel too, like the rest of humankind, angry because you wasted time. You would very gladly prefer to be in the denial stage of the whole thing but it's so evident that you can't even pretend to be doubtful, to question what you saw, to give him a chance to explain himself.

The car is still cold even if you already reached the destination that popped in your mind right after what happened, salty tears adorning your eyes as they cross your freezing cheeks, collecting under your chin, falling on your scarf. The same damn scarf he gifted you after your first two weeks of dating, the one you didn't even like at all, the color you hated, a dull pattern over it… the urge to pull down the car window and throw it outside in the middle of the parking lot soon becomes reality. Wind starts to rise a bit, and you see it dance on the wet concrete for a while before a car passes over it and plasters it on the ground.

Ironic, right? You feel a bit bad after the impulsive gesture, but he didn't hesitate to make you feel the same, so, "screw it".

You shouldn't even be here. You should go to your own best friend, sitting on her way too low couch with its broken springs and cry your eyes out as she yells at you her usual "I told you so!" and "You're an idiot, I knew it from the start!" even if what you really need is comfort, and not to be scolded like a twelve years old while she offers you chocolates and tissues like in some chiché romcom.

That's why Hyunjin's place is just few meters and five floors away from you now. You're actually hesitant to get out the car but when you see your boyfriend's text appear on your screen, asking where are you, it's suddenly not so difficult to take your things and rush to take the elevator, and when you send Hyunjin a message telling him you're in front of his apartment he's quick to open the door. He doesn't say a thing, he doesn't even dare to, he already knows.

He delicately takes your hand in his and guides you inside with a saddened smile, his eyes soft as they watch you attentively trying to search for your tears. God, he wants to kiss them all away, he never wants to see you like this ever again, but he thinks it's probably not the last time… is it? Either way, he'll do anything he can to make the redness of your eyes disappear.

"Go sit on the couch petal, relax for me, hm?" he says in a hushed tone to not provoke your impending outburst. When you're finally hugged by his cushions you feel his presence behind you, his hands going on your shoulders to free you from your heavy coat and bag that he places on his forearm. When he reaches for your scarf his fingers are suddenly met with the cold skin of your neck and a startled "oh!" escapes from him because of the unexpected touch, making you giggle. If only you knew how his heart starts beating faster whenever he hears you like this…

"Where is your scarf? You always wear it, were you in such a rush to leave it at your place?" he's now lowered near your face, breath tickling your cheek as he adjusts your jumper on your shoulders ー the stained one you only wear at home, you didn't even change, how embarrassing. He touches you like frail porcelain and little bumps start to rise on your skin where traces of his touch linger, you wish his fingerprints could bruise your skin.

"I threw it in the parking lot…" you explain, looking at him trying to not make your lips touch while doing so.

A laugh that comes from his chest slowly builds up as he lifts himself and reluctantly distances from your face to go place your belongings on the hanger at the entrance. If only he knew how your heart twists in excitement whenever you hear him like this…

Hyunjin doesn't come back to you immediately. He always makes sure you have enough time to think by yourself first, to gather your words, to decide if you want to cry or yell, and then he sits beside you and goes along with anything you've come up with. It's always been like this until today, every time you came to his place after something happened between you and his best friend, every time he had to gather your broken pieces and try to put you together again. He doesn't know he's always done that beautifully though, making a breathtaking mosaic out of you, making you so splendid and wonderful anyone could say he's your creator.

You hear a distant rustling in the kitchen, the clicking of the bottles in the fridge as he closes it with a thud, two glasses colliding it seems, and his slippers sliding on the floor, approaching you.

"You're lucky petal, I have your favorite today." he proceeds to place the glasses on the way too elegant coffee table and pour the drink with all the calmness in the world. Time with Hyunjin stops. You think that every second spent with him is never wasted.

"I like this clip, it compliments your hair color." he says suddenly, snapping you out of your trance. How could he notice such a thing?

"Really? It's the first time I wear it…" you still mumble a bit, too shaken to let your voice take its natural timbre. Hyunjin laughs again, handing you the drink and carefully sitting so as to not spill everything on his expensive carpet. His body is completely facing yours, knee against knee.

"It's not true!" Hyunjin takes a sip and giggles at your confused expression.

"You had it the first time we met, too. It was perfect with your dress and necklace. Do you really not remember? You looked beautiful…"

What Hyunjin refers to is a random saturday evening of autumn. What day it was, what you were wearing, what you did before meeting in front of the restaurant, you can't remember… but what you can vividly recall is the stinging sensation of the first cold breeze of the season on your cheeks, how crunchy multicolored leaves swirled on the sidewalk, and the city lights beginning to be turned on a bit earlier than usual. Now that you think about it, it was around this period. You remember what perfume you wore, paying attention to what type of impression you wanted to give to your boyfriend's group of friends that you were about to meet for the first time, and you even remember what mascara you decided to use.

But what remained tattooed on your bones the most are the first ten seconds of Hwang Hyunjin taking possess of your vision, because you felt incredibly sick.

If you close your eyes and concentrate you can almost feel the same emotions, when your stomach swirled like it was a washing machine, your head light, and your legs almost giving in making you trip while standing still.

You felt incredibly guilty, disgusted with yourself, disappointed, a monster. Why the hell your first thought was "he's my soulmate" and not something along the lines of "nice, my boyfriend's best friend" you still don't know. Call it destiny, call it sixth sense, you immediately tried to suppress it all.

It didn't help that Hyunjin's slender fingers delicately took your hand to kiss your knuckles with his oh, oh so beautiful lips like an ambassador of chivalry itself, his siren eyes looking up at you sweetly but confidently, making you blush like crazy ー you later blamed your flustered expression to the restaurant's excessive heating.

On top of that, your boyfriend decided to sit at your side leaving Hyunjin in front of you, so you had his ridiculously handsome face in sight for the whole night as you ate your stupid california rolls and tried to elegantly slurp your noodles ー for as much as something like that is even possible.

You talked, a lot, even if you felt your face heat up at every strangely seductive giggling sound he made together with the little bumps his shoes would land on your naked ankles, toying with your heels from time to time. You had so much in common, and after that you only felt complete when he was near you.

Your boyfriend did catch on with the new dynamic though, so unfortunately considering how jealous and a bit possessive he is, you and Hyunjin didn't see each other as often as you expected after that, but you really didn't grasp that it was because he wanted you apart at first, just a series of unfortunate coincidences.

Hyunjin parted from you with a tight hug, lingering his hands on the smaller of your back, adjusting your shawl over your coat and twirling a strand of your hair behind your ear, the moment never fully leaving your memory. He was… perfect, really just perfect, and you couldn't help but feel nauseous when you got in the car with your boyfriend to let him accompany you to your apartment, the thought of another man being more suited for you making you feel like you were cheating. You only felt relieved when you talked about all his friends during the ride and he revealed that Hyunjin is "a bit of a player, y'know, he flirts with everyone and he has those french manners, but he's always been like this." so you thought that maybe your feelings would slowly fade… but they always, always rested down the bottom of your heart, even if you pushed them away forcefully, almost violently.

No one knows you two meet up from time to time now, because one time you found yourself crying in a corner on his shouler. No one knows that you always seem happy and carefree only because you talk with Hyunjin, because he comforts you when you need it without complaining. Not that it needs to be a secret, but you both are well aware that it may result suspicious to meet with your boyfriend's best friend late at night, best friend's girlfriend from his side.

And the fact that you two always seem to attract each other like magnets, so close, with instant connection, it doesn't let thoughts stray further from the idea of something tender existing between the two of you, everyone can see it.

It's just that it's prohibited. Or, to say it better, you were too caught in your lies to even contemplate the idea of leaving your boyfriend and Hyunjin simply didn't want to betray his "friend". But when you started to message him asking for advice, when you later had long calls together, when you crumbled in his arms crying almost weekly, he wasn't so sure about having a best friend anymore.

"I… you really think I was beautiful?"

Your question comes from the heart. The mixture of the memories of that night and his proximity makes heat rise on your face, shyness visible from the automatic action of your teeth catching your bottom lip and your gaze straying from his face to linger on the glass in your hands. The bubbles of the drink fizzle on the surface and for a moment or two that's all that can be heard in the room.

"You're always beautiful, y/n. I told you many times." he says cautiously, putting down everything to wrap his hands around your wrist.

"I don't know how he doesn't make you feel like you are, I don't know why he treats you like this but, petal, you're an incredible woman," he lowers his head to look into your eyes as he tries to explain himself further, "smart and strong. He's an asshole and you should stop doing this to yourself."

Does he know? Does he know what your boyfriend did? Probably not. Hyunjin would never hurt you, he would've immediately told you. You want to make sure though, in case everything that involves Hyunjin is a lie too.

"Why are you his friend then? Why do you keep coming to our house and have dinner as we fake not knowing each other like we really do? Why do you keep on hanging out with him? If you really think he's terribleー"

"Because I want to protect you."

His reply is fast, cutting you off. His stare bores into your eyes and drinks in all of your feelings, like he can see them displayed in front of him. A few seconds of silence fill the room and you suddenly gulp down your drink until the last drop, sprinting up from your seat and escaping his intoxicating presence that's almost engulfing you.

Hyunjin doesn't say a thing. He waits, he can sense that something big happened this time and fuck if he's going to kill his "friend" after this. You were never this silent, you usually would storm inside and throw yourself on him… for as much as he dislikes seeing you like this, he's grateful for your presence, for the feel of your body against his, the trust you put into him. He doesn't do all this just to be a rebound, he already knows part of him is yours and vice versa, so he's simply waiting. Everyone considers him being a romantic man, but really, he just believes in destiny. When Hyunjin first saw you every cell in his body started to boil, goosebumps rising down his nape, the world destroyed itself and was reborn before him, it's impossible that it didn't matter at all.. That was the day he realized he didn't know what "love" meant before.

He watches your silhouette get near the big windows that face the road, little droplets of water striking them. The sound of the rain reaches your ears only when you notice the detail, and soon you see how much water is actually coming down from the sky, your scarf already soaked and dirty laying alone between various cars. You take a deep breath, thinking about your next words, a way to tell Hyunjin what happened without sounding pathetic as you concentrate on the mesmerizing foliage outside, reds and oranges and yellows decorating the city landscape.

"He accidentally left his phone at home since he rushed to his office, I don't exactly know why…" you started to explain, hands fidgeting with your rings, heavy breath obstructing your throat, "and I heard a notification so I went to check right?"

Hyunjin slowly gets up and approaches you, his warmth radiating behind you now, hands resting on your shoulders and caressing them as he listens and slowly gets closer and closer until he's hugging you.

"So, petal? What was it about? Did you find porn?" he tries to guess, but when you shake your head as a 'no' a cold chill goes through his back. Oh, oh no…

"It… it was a message, a very sexual one, coming from a saved contact, I don't even remember the name." you pout, looking down almost in shame even if you're not the responsible one. Maybe it's the shame of having a cheater as a partner.

"I opened the chat Hyunie. They've been sexting for months and from what I could grasp they even met few times…" you can feel tears start to form on your waterline again, a deep ache inside your chest rises when you finally say it out loud. One thing was to acknowledge it, another was to tell everything to the man you've secretly been in love with for a year already. What were you doing exactly all this time?

"Am I really not good enough for anyone, Hyunie? She's… she's so different from me… Am I really a disaster as he says? Why would he do that to me? I've always been a good girlfriend, I even ignored all those mean words and his being immature and the shitty sex!! I put aside my needs to make him happy thinking I was the problem!" you turn around to face him and you're met with his serious expression.

You expected to find him at least slightly surprised by your sudden show of emotions, but he's calm, he radiates calmness. Hyunjin sighs and looks in the distance behind you for a second, blinking ever so slowly, his touch traveling up to cup your cheeks and wipe your angry tears with his thumbs.

That's the final stroke, the gesture that makes you sob and bury your face in his chest to hide.

You aren't broken yet, it's almost as if Hyunjin is physically holding you together. He's trying to smooth the new sharp edges that formed around your heart to not let it be isolated, while hugging you he's working hard to let it be still approachable to receive and give love, he's trying with all he has to prevent a horrible plague that's trying to approach you.

You hold his shirt between your hands, tightly, you're afraid you'll ruin it but you can't stop, you need to ground yourself and try to be strong, but it's so hard to not let him sway you around the room, lullying you as he hushes you and lets his fingers comb your messy hair.

"Leave him."

You freeze.

Did he really say that? Hyunjin never said it out loud. He did make you understand his vision about the situation, he did suggest it with hidden phrases, but so explicitly…

"It's time to let him go, don't you think?" he presses his lips on your forehead, continuing to mumble his real feelings, "You don't need someone who mistreats you petal. You deserve better." he closes them in a kiss that leaves a mark on your soul, making you gasp.

"Hyunjin?" it takes a lot of strength to look up at him. His eyes seem less gentle, brows forming a frown that's not his usual playful one, a bit scary even. The mole under his eye is contracted and his mouth is curved in disgust, just enough for you to understand he's furious.

"Why don’t we put an end to this farce? He didn't even deserve you in the first place, you don't love him, stop doing this to yourself y/n. There's someone who's the right one, for sure…" his tone is desperate, but you want him to say it clearly. You can't help it, if it's to be sure or to satisfy a need you've been having for a while you don't know, but you want him to say it loud and clear.

You know that if he says it now everything will change and it'll be scary as fuck, but if that's a premise for a better life… maybe it's not as scary as you think, it's Hyunjin after all, the man who's looking at you in adoration.

"And what man could possibly want me at this point?" your voice is shaky and uncertain as you tease the confession out of him.

Hyunjin looks away and smiles, a bit frustrated. He wipes another tear away from your cheek and then places his hands on your waist.

"Me?" he fakes the question, smiling softly; "Be mine y/n."

Breath gets caught in your throat as he finally says it. It's wrong that you waited for it, it's wrong that your first instinct is to say yes without thinking about it.

"Hyunjin Iー"

"Ooh don't say you don't reciprocate, petal. I know you too well." he interrupts you, his hold a little tighter. Hyunjin tilts his head to the side, few strands of black raven hair following the motion and slightly covering his eyes. He's beautiful now, even more than in any other moment you've ever been with him. Hyunjin is the most beautiful man in the world and he wants you.

Your phone starts ringing. It's a strange moment to realize your ringtone is kind of cringe, cutting the tension weirdly… but you can't laugh, not right now. Both you and Hyunjin know who it is.

He's right. You should put an end to all this and start to think for yourself, about what you really want, need. This is not wrong. To love yourself isn't wrong, and Hyunjin makes you feel like the person you want to be.

"Do you want to pick up?" Hyunjin takes his hand under your chin again and directs it up to make your eyes meet his, gaze frenetic as he tries to not look at your tempting lips. Everything will depend on what you decide now. And you think quickly, under pressure, and you don't know if it's a good idea or not but you shake your head and hold him tighter, hiding again.

"Y/n, please look at me…"

The phone eventually stops ringing and silence overwhelms you when you can hear his fast heartbeat right against your ear. And it's because of you, it's for you, your heart starts to adapt to his and you almost feel pain in your chest. It's too much, too much…

Ah, that's it.

You get on your tiptoes to pull him down by his collar and make your lips crash together.

Hyunjin drags you towards him as if you kissed thousands of times before, immediately, tongue slipping into your mouth as you grant him access, making it run along yours. You hold his shoulders trying to search for your lost balance and he's quick to walk you towards his bedroom, he isn't even slightly hesitant.

The desperate sighs you two let out add into the sound of your first kiss; it's a relief, something you didn't imagine to need so badly. Hyunjin pushes you further into the room until your legs meet the mattress and you fall on it guided by him, a knee starting to press beside you as he cradles on the bed on top of you. He can't stop kissing you.

Hyunjin clumsily reaches the lamp on the nightstand to turn it on and oh, oh if this is even better than any fantasy he's ever had… seeing you panting with that flustered expression, your legs already crossing beneath him, jumper half lifted up, your hair all disheveled since you quickly reached for your clip and threw it somewhere in the room. You just look breathtaking in his eyes, even more than any other moment he's ever thought about it. He has to let you know. You didn't think he'd turn on the light but maybe you can put aside your shyness for once if it means having this type of gaze reserved to you.

Your hands try to reach his shirt to pull him out of his trance and he resumes his kissing, hands flying on your sides as they slowly, painfully slowly slide down until he's hooking your pants. Hyunjin lowers down to press chaste kisses on the little part of your cleavage that is exposed, going down to your stomach, then your belly, until he darts his tongue out to lick a stripe just above your groin, leaving a longer kiss there while he proceeds to undress you.

The way you feel embarrassed when you remember you're wearing plain, white cotton panties… but it's honestly sending him haywire. The fact that you didn't expect to end up like this, a confirmation that you didn't plan anything to happen, it's making Hyunjin even harder in his confines. You're so wet your juices dampened the fabric, making it almost transparent, and he sighs at the faint outline of your cunt now puffy and pulsing… and he still has to touch you properly.

Hyunjin is honestly the same. You can't see it but waves of excitement run over him so violently he physically trembles and his legs give in from time to time.

“I'm gonna fuck you so good you won't dare to come back to him…” it's whisperes, almost as if he's accidentally thinking out loud but it makes you clench. Hyunjin's fingers start to tease you on top of the fabric, seeing the wet patch getting larger and larger. You can't believe this part of him exists… how many things do you still have to learn about him?

Hyunjin keeps on touching you there but this time he starts flicking, snapping his fingers where you're most sensitive, the tingles that start to make you jolt are strong and they make your breath sharp.

“H-Hyunjin…” your stuttering voice slightly higher as you call for him, he rolls his eyes back.

“Hyunjin please…” you can't help but pant, wrapping your hand around his forearm to try and make him slow down. Is this what those stupid magazines talked about? That sex feels better when you do it with someone you love? So fucking true.

Hyunjin feels on cloud nine. He starts paying attention on your neck tenderly but still with open-mouthed kisses as his fingers subtly slide your panties to the side. “Yeah petal, let me hear you, let me…” his words get lost as he concentrates. Ah, it's uncomfy for him. Hyunjin lifts your legs and carelessly slides your underwear off with a hiss, his eyes closing like they've been blinded by the vision of the Virgin Mary for a second, then maniacally staring at your bare cunt, digits caressing your wet folds mere seconds before plunging into your entrance.

You can only let out a choked moan and push your head back onto his soft cushions, that smells just like him. You're completely surrounded by his presence when his scent is all around you, his fingers move smoothly to work you open and his mouth is now latched around your nipple, his forehead pushing your jumper further up. When the hell did he…

“Is it good?” his voice displaying signs of fatigue, urgency and need buried deep inside him. You know his fingers are long but God if they can reach otherworldly places. It's not the in-and-out motion but the brushing of your g-spot that makes your legs close around his sides and poke his ribcage with your knees; he doesn't mind, your tits keep him occupied enough to make him mindlessly keep going. Hyunjin decides that prefers your chest covered in love marks over any art piece he's ever seen these past years, so nothing can disturb his work in progress. Maybe the work itself.

“‘S good Hyunie, Hyun…” it's difficult to breathe, it's difficult to think straight as the bumps of his fingers touch your insides so precisely, as if you've always done this and he already knew your body by memory.

“Did his fingers ever make you feel like this? Hm?”

The question makes you sigh along with a moan. You shake your head.

“Did he ever kiss you like I do?” and Hyunjin kisses you again as the movement of his fingers fastens. His teeth catch your bottom lip and his tongue slides against yours before he sucks it, drool making it shine where you two meet; passionate and euphoric, it feels like experimenting fireworks. You follow his lips when he detaches, but he just smiles and starts pressing his thumb on your bare clit. “Tell me, petal.”

“N-no…”

Hyunjin feels it, the way you start clenching around him, hard. He almost can't move anymore. So he whispers, just above the squelching of his palm spreading your wetness.

“Wanna go to Heaven with me, y/n?”

How, how can you say no? You need Hyunjin, even more than oxygen right now, he already has you completely. Your hands hurry on the button somehow miraculously keeping his pants together, and you reach his zip and pull the fly, that struggles to slide down ー he's too full.

“Wanna try how a real man makes you feel?”

You nod almost too eagerly and he chuckles within a whiffle. Hyunjin deprives you of his fingers despite your whines of protest and spreads your juices all over his face, tongue swirling on his hand. A low groan comes out from him, his touch moving to your hips where he squeezes, plush skin bending under his grip. It's all in contrast with the look in his eyes as he stares at your face, your reactions, as if you were the most adorable thing he's ever seen.

You're so distracted that when you feel something poke your inner thigh you gasp, and can only stare… his cock springs free from his confines altogether, long, slim and leaking, underside vein pulsating under the pads of his fingers as he pumps himself few times, precum dripping on your groin. Hyunjin's eyebrows are knitted together as he grinds between your legs, his still sticky hand moving your lower body closer so that he lifts you back up to wrap his arms around you, hugging you ever so gently.

His full lips kiss your cleavage and he curses under his breath because of his choice to not take all your clothes off but there's not much time anymore. You close your fists on his shirt, the lines of the fabric changing their shape under your hold while you wait for him, subtly writhing impatiently.

“Hyun please hurry…” not once in your life you've been this desperate for a man to fuck you. It's not because of the wait, not because you're horny, it's just that it's Hyunjin.

“Say it.” his eyes are darker, but they shine with the yellow-ish light in the room. He clears your forehead by adjusting your hair away.

You know what he's doing and it's nothing different from what you did before, in the living room, so you're more than willing to satisfy his request. You try to regain a bit of composure and steady your breath before speaking up, his head twitching together with every movement of yours.

"I want you, Hyunjin. I want you, please.”

A big bright smile spreads on his face as his head drops low, in disbelief. Hyunjin didn't imagine those words would have such a strong effect on him but here he is, blushing and trying to hold back a giggle. When he looks back at you he's serious again, eyes piercing into yours.

“I'm going in, hm? I wanna hear you scream my name through it all. Is that clear petal?”

What you'd give to hear him call you petal until the end of time, he says it and it's like dripping honey, he says it and you melt. The warm pool of pleasure in your belly tightens again as you say a shaky “yes”. You're his delicate, fragile petal.

His tip rests just before your entrance for a second while he takes a deep breath, breaching you gently. It's not a big stretch but his veins are already making your eyelids flutter and your lips part. Inch by inch, Hyunjin makes sure you feel his cock going deep, concern showing on your features as he doesn't come to an halt. He does, eventually, but the time he took to do it seemed eternal. “Oh my- Hyunie-”

“Bet my dick feels better than his,” he smirks between the kisses he's leaving under your jawline, “I bet mine's longer too.”

His comments only add fuel to the fire. He's bigger, he's better, the curve of his cock lands exactly on the spot that makes you black out. As you remember that you're technically still in a relationship your phone rings again. It's a distant sound, it's in another room, covered by yours and Hyunjin's sighs and moans, but he hears it too. Hyunjin stops every movement, hips against yours as he's fully inside you. He lifts himself up just enough to check on you. You look at him too.

You don't exchange any word, there's no need to, because you both arch your lips upwards and meet mid-air for another kiss, tender but messy as he moves backwards to get a starting point to his thrusts. The ringtone eventually dies making room to the faint dripping of the rain outside.

You feel warm, squeezing his cock just right and he's sure he will never let you go, never let you change your mind.

“Pussy ‘s so tight petal, was made for me, ‘m sure,” and he starts moving with consistency, picking up a pleasant rhythm, “you're so fucking perfect.”

His necklace is cold against your skin as he keeps on holding you flush against him, as well as your rings leaving icy lines on his back when your hands slip under his shirt and hold onto his shoulder blades. Hyunjin throbs inside you, drawing loud moans out of you that someone will for sure complain about. He thrusts harder, faster, every second that passes and you can only call for his name, yours being whispered by him against your skin making you shiver.

“Waited so long, so fucking long-” a guttural sound interrupting him, “since that time at the club, wanted to make you mine.” he mumbles, words hardly making sense but you decipher them anyway and when you realize what he's talking about the confused memories of it flood your mind. You, swaying your hips in front of him, grinding your ass on his crotch following the music; Hyunjin's hands right under your breasts guiding you together with him, his breath fanning on your neck, drying your tears completely as those three drinks made your head light enough to not care about any problem you complained about minutes before. It was just you and Hyunjin, all this would've happened sooner if a series of coincidences didn't happen.

“You would've let me take you in the bathroom, isn't that right?” Hyunjin asks, not losing concentration even for a second. “I wanted to bring you here, and fuck the sadness away. Every time, y/n, I wanted to tell you to forget him and be with me.”

You feel him stretch his arm between your bodies, and you feel your swollen bud stimulated again, you both whine against each other.

“‘M with you now Hyunie, want only you, ‘m yours babe.”

He's so fast now, the snapping of his hips moving you up and down the mattress… your words affect him on a visceral level.

“I choose you, I'll leave him for you-”

“Fuck!” he's close, so, so close and your walls tightening more and more and more are making him go crazy. Little beads of sweat decorate his forehead, a caramel-like smell coming from him as the crown of his head dampens and some hair stick to his forehead.

His tip keeps abusing your sweet spot, the kiss you share is feverish, your nails dig into his skin and his hold bruises your soft one. Both your bellies contract and before you can process it you're coming, white pois pattern creating over your blinding vision. You say his name out loud, dragging it together with your last moan as the hardest orgasm ever washes over you. Hyunjin pulls out just in time, copious white ropes of cum landing on your stomach like dripping art. Hyunjin loses track of space and time for a few moments as he comes down from his high, then takes you close to him when he lays next to you. Your heavy breath fills every other sound in your ears as you get comfortable hiding in his muscular chest. Your body spasms, all energy left your body already and your chest rises and falls frantically.

Hyunjin caresses your cheek and kisses your hair. It's peaceful. You just had sex with your boyfriend's best friend and it feels peaceful. It starts to feel a bit cold so he grabs the soft sheets near him and covers both of you.

“When will you tell him, petal?”

The question floats in the air for a while. You start playing with his necklace, making it dance between your fingers. He starts to worry a bit, when you don't answer him, but he decides to be patient, like always.

“After we eat something, I'll send him a text.” you seem resolute, and he's convinced. “Can I stay here tonight?”

He's a bit taken aback, his eyes narrowing in surprise: “Wasn't it obvious? You'll stay here from now on anyway.” and he says it so naturally, you think he's thought about this moment a lot… it makes you smile.

Hyunjin rolls to the side briefly, taking some tissues to wipe yours and his stomach since his sticky cum was still there, and kisses the tip of your nose adjusting your jumper back to its original place before sitting on the edge of the bed and taking his phone, after finally freeing himself of his shirt. His back is slender yet defined, long, his spine making a beautiful curve. Your eyes travel from his nape to his glutes, the ones of a dancer. There's a doubt still in the back of your mind, you need to make it disappear.

“Are you… sad, that you can't be friends with him anymore?”

He doesn't even bother looking at you to answer, he keeps scrolling on the delivery app searching for something you may want to eat, the words he's about to say seeming obvious to him.

“We haven't been friends for a while already. I understood he's not the guy I met years ago, he changed, and I don't like to be around him anymore. Don't worry petal, it's not entirely because of you, I already wanted to part from him but you came into our lives so I endured it some more to stay with you… and it was worth it.” one of his hands shifts position behind him and taps the covers to signal for you to hold it. Your fingers interlace and he looks at you over his shoulder, slowly turning around, his body twisting slightly as he leans back again and kisses you sweetly yet still with some need.

Your breath is now steady, you're relaxed and it feels like Heaven, just like he promised.

"Pizza?"

You giggle and he follows.

“I love you y/n. I love you.”

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt.2! :))

warnings: mentions of weed/alc , injuries/blood, VERY mild sexual content (boobs and ass 😕)

content: loser!ellie x reader :3

authors note: im back w another BANGER🔥🔥🔥 since ppl loved the last one IM BACK W MORE 😈

pt. 1 ! taglist.! masterlist!!

- CANNOT handle spicy food. my porcelain princess has the spice tolerance of a victorian child she is coughing and crying at the slightest spice 😞😞

- speaking of food…my girl is a CHEF!!! she hates leaving the house and she’s too broke to buy food so she’s just in the kitchen whippin ts!!!! she even has a goofy chef hat that she wears when she cooks. (this is so ellie coded i dont know why)

- loves commentary youtubers . kurtis,danny,nickisnotgreen,jarvis, and chadchad 🔥🔥

- knows so much niche internet drama…she tries to talk abt it and ur like???? literally what are you talking about….which gives her the perfect opportunity to ramble

- so many random injuries CONSTANTLY. she’s constantly covered in cuts and bruises and has no idea where they come from (mostly her awful skateboarding)

- “this ones for you” before she devastatingly fails to do a trick on her skateboard and falls on her face, and her entire lower face is covered in nose-blood

- whenever she gets hurt, she always asks you to “kiss it better” 😞😞 so cute im dying!!!

- follows you around like a puppy all day. goes with you on all your errands, sits by you while you do work. she is ALWAYS THERE

- if u think shes bad when shes sober, she’s literally the clingiest drunk in the world!!!! she will literally be constantly attached to you. even when you go to the bathroom, she’ll literally hold ur hand through the door while u piss cuz u wouldn’t let her in 😞

- she’s even worse when she’s high, cuz shes so BOLD. will literally just randomly motorboat ur tits while ur talking with zero explanation.

- loves sitting on the floor???? literally will just be down there. sometimes when you’re on the couch she’ll sit by your feet and cling onto one of your legs

- NEEDY!!!! oh my godddd so needy. every time ur doing something not involving her she’s trying to get your attention. most of the time shes doing really stupid shit in front of you for no reason. “babe look” is her favorite thing to say

- literally had a huge bruise on her leg cuz she tried to do a cartwheel inside and banged her leg on the kitchen counter

- whenever you lay on your stomach, she loves laying her head on your ass

“it’s my favorite pillow!!”

- sometimes she just randomly squeezes ur boobs when she walks past you. always with some random sound affect too. she’ll just walk by you while you’re cooking and just honk ‘em 😕

- sleeps DIRECTLY ON TOP OF YOU. like literally lays on you like a starfish all night

-sleeptalker!!! its always the most non-coherent things ever, and it’ll last for like 30 minutes.

“no papa john i don’t wanna hit a nae nae 😞”

- cannot be trusted on the road. she is actually a hazard to public safety

- this is such an unpopular opinion but she is DEFINITELY a passenger princess. she likes staring at you too much she can’t drive she’ll crash!!!!

- does NOT exercise. but she’s like. randomly strong. she’ll carry all your groceries in one trip and push ALL your luggage when you go on vacation

- literally turns into a child when you take her to the beach. building sand castles, swimming in the water, and finding rocks and shells and bringing them to you like a dog

- definitely wears those stupid snorkel goggles when she goes swimming cuz she likes doing flips underwater and hates water in her nose

- LOVES CAMPING!!! that girl can be OUTDOORS.

- has binders full of pokemon cards. she goes to this card shop by her house that has pokemon saturdays and plays matches for like…the whole day. she can and WILL trash talk a 7 year old little boy after beating him

- follows so many niche meme pages

- orange chicken enthusiast.

- this is literally canon in the show but she HATES COFFEE. she is a chai latte woman. with oatmilk cuz like…duh….lesbian

- absolutely goated at just dance for NO REASON

- really good at making string friendship bracelets

[gangplanksorenji]

Kinknuary Day 22: Spanking

Pairing: Kep1er Xiaoting x Male Reader

Word Count: 4,956

[Kinknuary Masterlist]

--------------------------------------

--------------------------------------

“Don’t you want to take me somewhere else more than this?”

“I actually just want to go home now, Xiaoting—I’m pretty tired…”

“Aw, come on—please? Just one more then we’ll go home…”

Of course, Xiaoting won’t end a day without a good note because she detests anything that’ll make her feel bored or even the simplest hint of discontentment and you won’t dare to disappoint her. Sometimes, life doesn’t go the desired path they want them to and that’s being sampled on her right now, and you won’t let her selfish wants be your burden in the long run.

“Aren’t you even feeling tired, Xiaoting?” Your tone laces a hint of discomfort as she seems to be much more invigorated than you even though you’ve mostly spent the whole day shopping and attending such an incredible party you’ve ever gone to. 

“Not really, but please—”

“Okay, okay…” You break her constant plea with a single proposition: a classic game of rock, paper and scissors and whoever wins, will mark both of your fates—it’s quite a simple game but unable to be rejected as Xiaoting agrees about that, and you smiled because of her sudden agreement.

“Just once, okay?”

“Alright…” Xiaoting sounds pretty defeated even though it hasn't started yet because the pessimistic side of hers says that she may end up losing and it will deeply make her disappointed and knowing how well she will think, you curl up a smirk as this is the moment of truth.

Counting down up to the lowest possible integer, you could feel the tension on Xiaoting’s eyes, laced with anticipation and the desire to win as she wanted herself to be fully-redeemed on peak-happiness but it’s like, you can clearly read her mind through that serious gaze of hers as you curl up a smirk after utter ‘zero’ and guess what, all became too ambitious for someone who desired something truly at its best.

It wasn’t really the best, for Xiaoting as you landed ‘rock’ front of her which made her gasp in defeat as it’s too late, with even half a second to spare and cheat, she panicked and managed to land a ‘scissor’ and with that little game, you knew who’s victorious and it’s goddamn you. 

“I hate this game! It’s unfair!!” Xiaoting whines and as expected, she rants out how rigged that game could be and how you “cheated” to get that desired prize as she frowns in front of you, her pouty yet disappointed expression still exuding such beauty that no one can come close.

“How is it unfair? You even switched it up at the last second and ended up losing? Just accept your defeat—”

“Ughh, fine! Fine, I will…” Xiaoting brushes off your further continuation of fighting how she’s on the wrong side as she doesn’t want to hear anything that would just make things worse—it’s like she’ll lose anything of our decision, probably a good night’s rest at her place, especially with you on her side. Knowing that investing onto another argument or another plea won’t make anything better since a deal is a deal and you’re just going to wait for time to tell the fate you have in store with and knowing how Xiaoting will take your upcoming proposition wholeheartedly, then it’ll be just only a matter of time before it all unveils onto that anticipated abyss of wonders and desires.

---

It never gets old between the both of you and the fact that you’ve been holding this for a while now is surprising, knowing how insatiable Xiaoting can be at an times you lay your eyes on her as her vixen-like aura and her seductive nature is enough to make you lure in to your deepest desires, and it’s being fulfilled with multiple, sloppy kisses on her lips. You chase your delightful moments in every kiss that you make up with her, as much as the lustful need in you every time you tangle your tongue on hers as you went deeper, and Xiaoting, pulling out as she’s running out of breath due to our audacious nature and aggressive actions towards her.

“Why would you pull out, babe? Am I too much for you to handle?”

“Not reall—ahh, ohh… right t-there…” Maybe you’re right or you could lean onto the opposite, knowing that the culprit would be the lack of oxygen would let those speculations set aside onto the correct verdict. You know how your lips are one of her ultimate weaknesses out of the many things you can elaborate as you let her know how your stupendous skills can make a girl like her fall under your spell within just mere seconds. You latch onto her deep, sharp collar bones that you always love worshiping, knowing how perfectly sculpted those are like the rest of her body, deemed to be drooled on a praised by only you—you could be just the luckiest menace of them all, being gifted with such an angel being close to the epitome of perfection, from head to toe. You keep peppering that porcelain skin of hers with multiple kisses, running your lips down to her neck as she moans almost-inaudibly and incredibly sultry, voicing out her deep satisfaction towards your expertise.

“Oh god—you k-kiss me so well—oh, so good!”

Hearing her constant compliments on your actions, you continue to pepper her with intimate kisses until you pull out right after, hearing her soft whimpers needing your lips to be attached onto her skin as soon as possible but you had enough, for now. 

“Isn’t my baby needy for me?” Your eyes demanded an answer escaping her lips right away, wanting her to unleash that living submissiveness inside her and you’ll do it slowly, knowing how the beast inside her will be a little challenging to tame. 

“Y-Yes…”

She’s succumbing onto that state slowly as her eyes glistening with need and her soft, needy tone is enough of an evidence, luring her into falling under your spell and will not make her escape out of it. With her needy pleas and her body grinding greedily against yours, wanting to feel your touch, you can’t seem to be convinced as there’s few elements that’s lacking from her constant pleas. “Yes what, baby?”

“Yes, please…” With Xiaoting’s constant pleas, you can’t help but just fulfill her needs right at this moment but you need to unlock that beast inside of you with the magical word that will turn her world upside-down. 

“You’re getting there, baby~” You tease her porcelain skin with a gentle swipe of your fingers, running it down her neck and then up to her toned midriff, which you always love kissing and worth worshiping until the end of time. Xiaoting knows that she needs to crack the code within you, and with a clever mind and taking a few seconds of the clock for her to think about what could make that happen, she finally thought of that forbidden word and it’s only a matter of time until~

“Yes I am, daddy.”

You never expected her to fail in any kind as she’s cognizant as the way she is and it’s always impressive to see and even hear it all with utmost sincerity and need. With your face still inches away from her, such eye contact would let the other succumb onto the endearing stare of the other yet you’ll change that, more likely, a commanding one as you live up with that, wanting Xiaoting to strip her clothing in front of you with class and skill like nobody can achieve. Maybe, you haven’t seen anyone become on par with her skills, let alone surpassing her and you’ll keep it that way—it’s way phenomenal seeing Xiaoting doing the things she’s great at and you won’t even bother thinking of another woman to do it for you. With her seductive gaze inviting you to strip her clothing with her, you wouldn’t skip that opportunity as you do so, slowly removing the fur-like sleeves on her arms but before you completely strip it off her, you take some time to commend her flawless figure and her outfit perfectly complimenting each impeccable feature she has.

“Thanks, d-daddy—really l-loved this one…”

“You know, as much as I want this on you, this would be better on the floor.”

Xiaoting’s lips curled up a sinister smirk as she invited you to make that “wish” of yours come true, and it wouldn’t take up much of your time until it became accomplished. She would aid herself for you to be comfortable, leaning onto you as she gives you such inviting and sultry moans, making yourself get riled up for her and you love it but you wouldn’t be fazed with that as you continue stripping her. Her hands wouldn’t be idle as she pulled her pants, down to her ankles and then onto the floor with a swift motion and god, those scrumptious, milky thighs on your sight is tempting to be voraciously kissed as hunger took over you yet you continue your work and with her top off, her slender, hourglass figure is now within your eyes to be blessed and you couldn’t ask for more because of it. 

Xiaoting is a work of art, sculpted by the gods to perfection as you’re the lucky man to handle and appreciate this masterpiece, maybe even use it until her legs give out—a sullied goddess, in your own books. 

“God, you’re fucking hot, Xiaoting—oh gosh…” You can’t believe your eyes as it takes numerous gazes throughout her perfect figure, eyeing every inch and drooling on it like it’s a five-course meal—maybe it may lie down onto the scope of similes but metaphorically, she’s always the main course and you would love to devour her like a predator hungry for its prey. With her last bits of defense still within her body, concealing her true beauty, you asked Xiaoting if you can strip it off her and without any hesitations, she nodded as she’s been longing for this for a while now.

“You really love my body so much, hm, daddy?” Xiaoting doesn’t even need to ask you about that because she already knows what your answer will be and it’s always readable, your eyes glistening with hunger over her is enough evidence. 

Still busy admiring her scrumptious body and her drooling all over it, it took you seconds before you could respond as you flash a smile at her, making her feel delighted and truly loved by you. “Of course, baby—I love it all but daddy’s getting impatient…”

Xiaoting runs her finger onto your clothed chest, up towards your shoulders as she rests her arms on it, and then utters such a seductive invitation letting you know how it’s going to start. “Have your way with me, daddy—I’d love what you’ll make me do…”

And as always, Xiaoting never laid a better invitation than that and she never fails to make you amazed and aroused. With all of that foreplay coming into its denouement, you commanded Xiaoting to get onto the bed as her naked body is now on display, ready to get used as she gets on all fours.

“This is going to be fun…”

--- 

“Count.”

“Y-Yes, daddy…”

It’s maybe a newly profound kink of him, and maybe even you, considering that as you're guilty as he probably likes how your thighs jiggle with his mighty palm striking onto your butt with the force of a truck, and you love it. He knows how you love it so much, your eyes won’t even deny letting him know about that and under his own control, you completely submit yourself and let him have his way with you.

“Don’t hold back, baby—let it all out and count, do you understand?”

You nod frantically, not wanting to disappoint him as you wiggle your ass in front of him, inviting him to do the honors of the actions he’s been longing to do—

*loud smack* “O-One…” 

It was just the first one and it’s already rocking your world, sending your arousal up to the sky as his smacks are pleasurable, making your sensitivity peak at its finest. You could feel yourself getting wet with the thought of his hands spanking your butt harshly until it’s red as a tomato while ramming your tight cunt down and you can’t wait for it to happen.

*another loud smack* “Two—oh god…”

Another one emanates around your ear as the crisp of its pristine sound sends your libido skyrocketing, probably filling the urge of him using you but you can sense and know how he won’t just pull the trigger this easily—the both you wanted this on the first place: you wanting this for a long time now and gains gratification from it and lastly, him wanting to tease you and there’s no better way to do that with his palm printed onto your milky buttcheeks, going to be redder than a tomato.

*another loud smack* “T-Three… That feels so g-good…”

It may feel redundant but you love every second of it and will not even feel the hint of being tired of it because of his harsh actions—you wanted the pain anyways, as he knows how you derive pleasure from his spanks and the discordant sounds of it increasing your libido onto the roof, and makes you even wetter by multiple barrages of it.

*another loud smack* “F-Four—f-fuck, daddy…”

This time, it was way harder than the rest as you whimper in pain again because of his harshness, but gaining that genuine gratification as you love the pain and the pleasure mixing all up together—you’re maybe a masochist because of how you derive intense pleasure, and you know he’s here to fulfill that at all costs. Even though you can’t catch a glimpse of the hot sight of him doing such sinful things to you, you can’t still brush the fact that your imagination reaches the furthest of its limits, capable of formulating the filthiest thoughts known to mankind.

*another loud, harsh smack* “Five—o-ohh… too g-good—ahh~”

You keep voicing your own satisfaction alongside your ragged breaths between random intervals that puts him onto authority to further smack you until your butt is scarlet red but you can sense that he has better options in mind, the feral beast inside him wanting to be unshackled from its restraints, and you’d be the guest to let it be a wish come true.

“Such a good girl for me, hm?”

You know he’s growing impatient, and you can sense it igniting in his eyes and you wouldn’t dare to let him wait for another move preceding what he could command you.

“Yes, daddy—” Your sultry voice invites him into falling down to his own, carnal desires and you know he wouldn’t make the both of you wait for nothing as every second should be treasured. “—now will you fuck your good girl?”

It’s up to him to write your fate, and you’ll just relax yourself and find out what it would be…

---

It does tempt you into fulfilling her needs and it’s just a single strand before you break your shackling confines, and it wouldn’t be long until you reach your primal desires. It wasn’t your cup of tea to tease into oblivion but if she wanted that then so be it as foreplay plays an impressive role on someone’s anticipation and her desires running like a roller coaster, all opting for the chase of fun and the freakiest frustrations of not being attended.

“Put it in, daddy—please, ohh!”

Of course, another tease makes her weak, whimpering in need as she tightly grabs the bed sheets for a leverage to fight the profound pleasure that she's not experiencing. You continue swiping your finger onto her heated core as she cries in response, and it further skyrockets once you start stimulating her clit and with her small sounds being the fuel on your unstoppable lust, you won’t let her wait for more as you gave what she truly deserves.

With your hands caressing the soft, silky skin of hers, you grab her hips and position yourself into a state of bliss and within a single second, it all went uphill as you could just hear each other’s groans emanating the wonders of such a great commencement of sex. You deliver shallow and leisure thrusts, aiming to just make her anticipate and savor every second of that blithe that she always loved. You continue peppering her neck with constant pecks as you muster such a sluggish pace, making her feel loved as you worship her and make her know how much you adore her.

“You l-love kissing me, daddy?”

You smile at her question, and you know that she already has the knowledge about that question, but you would love to let her know about everything you love about her, more likely, verbally. “Of course, baby—how could I not adore every inch of your perfect body?”

Well, she’s not egoistic but she knows how perfect she is in your eyes and that’s something that always wanted to hear, as it boosts her confidence in a great percentage and makes her feel the utmost care by you. Maybe the slow and redundant foreplay was getting on your nerves longer than you expected as you wanted to ruin her and Xiaoting herself would love the thought of that.

Maybe it won’t rely onto the cloud of thoughts as it’s now ascending into reality, pacing faster into a moderate speed where she constantly whimpered in need, your constantly ramming cock into her tightness becoming too much for her and of course she would request for an element to be added for the better experience for both parties.

“Spank my ass while you f-fuck me, daddy—oh god!”

Now averting your hands onto different places: your left hand swiftly fondling her perky breasts for better stimulation and your other hand already finding its way onto smacking that soft flesh in front of you, the rippling of it and the sound it reverberates around the room makes such an arousing sight that it further thrust you into her rapidly as she recoils a little from your harshness.

Who would have thought that a modest, sophisticated girl like her is invested in such a sinful, cruel act? Well, it wasn’t emanating from her aura totally but you know how she subconsciously knows how hot and captivating of a woman she is—you’re glad that she’s yours and you’re the only one to have a sight of her alluring masterclass. Maybe it’s a faux conception knowing that Xiaoting doesn’t exude such hotness if she’s always being a little “puffball”, as you call her, but her other side is nothing compared to this and god, the next thing you’ll know is that you’ll be just riled up for her that the both of you will succumb to each other’s needs and be the freakiest creatures known to mankind.

If it wasn’t always the case about the latter, then you don’t know what is because the both of you prove your points about that title.

Harsh spanks add up to the sea of cacophonous sounds that lingers around your ear, further fueling you to bring such hard poundings in aims to totally let her succumb to submission, and you’re nearing that goal with all of the stimulation you’re doing on her. Every whimper she exclaims with the pain you’re bestowing her just makes the sight rapidly hotter but you know it wasn’t enough until her cheeks are scarlet red so you muster a new pattern of thrusting between spanks and using the other hand as a leverage by grabbing her hips harshly. The constant rhythm of your hips gradually increases over time, and so is your harsh treatment towards her but you want to add an incredible twist that will elevate the experience even more.

Xiaoting lets out series of cries as you pound her into the mattress, her arms able to give out with how much you’re treating her and then suddenly, you slow down immediately, catching her off-guard and for her to recovering a little as you’re selfless—you wanted her to savor every moment whenever possible and not want her to reach her high too quickly even though you know how your cock can make her do that in a few minutes. With your sudden impeding, you could take a closer attention to admiring her scrumptious backside and the sexiest curves of her hourglass figure that you can drool on for days and won’t get tired of. This is also an exceptional time to let your hands be berserk and give her harsh barrages of spanks that makes her even wetter and even more whimpers that lets your cock twitch because of how soft and arousing her tone is.

“P-Please fuck me h-harder, daddy–oh gosh, s-so good!!”

Another resonating smack lingering around  her ears as you’re a little infuriated with her pleas, making her writhe a little and cry in need of a better pace. “Don’t tell me what to do, baby…”

Her tightness is nearly suffocating but you don't care, not when a hot sight is just right in front of you as you resume on your frantic pace, making her moan uncontrollably to the point that she almost screams and it’s deafening but angelic. With all of the constant stimulation of your hands throughout her body and the pain you’re bringing in with such onslaught of smacks, it wouldn’t be surprisingly to know if Xiaoting is going to reaching her high sooner than you expected as the constant constricting of her pussy and the juices seeping out of it are enough evidences to set herself near to the promised land. Now with her buttcheeks red with your hand printed on it, you gave her a small break and continue to double your efforts on pounding her tight cunt, letting her know how she’s going to be having the paramount orgasm of her whole life and with a shuddering response escaping her lips, you knew it’s deemed to come into an end.

“Shit—daddy, I’m gonna c-cum so soon!!”

She wanted this for so long and you wouldn’t dare to put it in a halt and gave the reward that Xiaoting absolutely deserves. “Then cum, baby—cum all over my cock—”

It all went onto that singular point of bliss, releasing deafening screams of pleasure as she lets everything out around your ravaging length and with Xiaoting aiming to further elevate her orgasmic trance, she requested you still fuck her senseless on her orgasm as you do so, making her a wild, mindless mess just capable of uttering such sinful sounds. With your ruthless pace, Xiaoting kept whimpering on how she wants you to treat her harsher as you fulfill her wants, further hammering her tightness with such thrusts mustered to the highest velocity possible and with spanks with a force of a truck. After such breathtaking thrusts and a breakneck pace, you instantly calmed down the feral beast inside of you and gave her a leverage to recover, thrusting with such a sluggish pace as she catches her breath due to her orgasmic high.

“Daddy, t-that was—”

“Good? Yes, baby, I know—” You lean down to kiss her beautiful neck, and then course your way near her ear and continue her sentence. With your lips still worshiping the porcelain skin of hers, you let her know how great the experience was and showered her with compliments that definitely stroked her ego. “—because honestly, you felt great around my cock, baby…”

Xiaoting lets out needy whimpers—maybe even possibly smiling because of your compliments—as you stroke her hair to make her feel your touch, your hips now ensuing a moderate pace, pumping into her but this time, it’s all full of affection and love and dismissing the harshness and greed like from earlier. Knowing yourself would be near your own high too, you wanted to save the best for the last as you warn Xiaoting that you’re going to pull out and let herself switch into a different position.

“Baby, turn around for me so I can fuck you while seeing your beautiful face.”

It was straightforward and she obliges immediately without any questions and even with the hint of frustration laced on her emotions, it wouldn’t be long until you reward her with something exceptional as now is the time for another side of bliss. As she spun her figure around gracefully, her hands grabbed your shoulders as you immediately didn’t waste any time teasing her and plunged your length deep inside her and god, she’s still as tight as earlier and you wouldn’t complain about that because that’s what makes every second worth cherishing. 

Your hands then coursed down on her waist, caressing it as your touch makes her writhe a little and it didn’t bother you, continuing onto your desired precedence to reach your ultimate high. You pump your hips in her with aims to make her feel the utmost pleasure and how much you love her and with Xiaoting’s cleverness and the heat rising up onto its maximum scope, her hands didn’t become idle and pulled your head towards her, initiating into a heated kiss. It was full of hunger and lust as the both of you kept on chasing the higher authority, battling for the dominant control over the other person as drool inevitably seeped out of your mouths with your tongues dancing around gracefully. The kiss eventually gets sloppier and more heated and so are your ramming thrusts, pistoning onto a velocity unable for anyone to comprehend and it wouldn’t take long before you achieve your long-anticipated high with that familiar tingle in your loins.

Wanting to savor the last moments before your peak, you initiated a new rhythm as you gave up on a ridiculous pace in exchange for more powerful thrusts, as every time you do it, her thighs jiggle like jelly and that’s why you love such slow-paced thrusts that aims to strike harder—maybe the accumulation of such force on hammering her tight cunt is wonderful and it wouldn’t be long until you achieve something that you’ve been longing for.

“Aren’t y-you close, daddy?”

You chase your breath as you became too focused on peppering her neck with kisses and fucking her into oblivion that it took your seconds before you responded back, “I’m pretty close, baby—”, and instantly you kissed her lips again as you looked at her endearingly, full of fervor as you muttered such saccharine-filled words, “—I love you so much…”

That made Xiaoting realize how sincere everything was and she always knew it, but she never felt this much adrenaline and affection as she can’t help but smile sincerely as you continue hammering her and chasing that peak of yours. “I love you too, daddy—more than anything in this world.”

You pulled Xiaoting into another heated kiss as you buried your entire length in this, filling her up to the hilt as she let out muffled moans onto your lips but didn’t let herself faze on her grand prize, continuing on deepening the torrid kiss. You fill her up as you grab her waist tightly, almost forming into an embrace in order for a better leverage on dumping everything inside her. You groan between your heated kisses with Xiaoting as everything is just now in a complete state of bliss, every spurt worth treasuring as the constriction of her walls makes the pleasure worth your while and maybe even extending your orgasm. When you feel that everything has been toned down, you then palm her shoulders and pulled out slowly, Xiaoting catching her breath because of such a heated kiss initiated by you and god, what an incredible it is to see her pussy full of your cum, and some of it dripping and onto the sheets they stain—you suppose you would need a new mattress considering how much she spurted ner nectar all over the place and maybe, that would be the case.

“Ohh, it’s s-so much, daddy…” Xiaoting moans in satisfaction as she can feel the warmness of your seed that fills every inch of her velvety walls, and some are even seeping out of her lips. She took this as an opportunity to scoop out a sample and tasted it and as expected, she was delighted to let her taste buds orchestrate the final verdict of its delectability. “It’s salty and sweet—I love it, daddy…”

You smile because of her satisfaction being voiced out verbally, and with that, it makes you feel that everything was worth both your whiles and there’s nothing you could ask for more when it’s already been fulfilled.

“You felt so good, baby and—” You caressed Xiaoting’s cheeks and looked at her endearingly again, feeling affectionate and thankful with the greatness she's bestowed you and being such a good girl for you. “—glad you loved me filling you up.”

“I love your harshness too, daddy—everything is just perfect…” It’s a little surprising that she can still articulate words that she shouldn’t but she got stamina for days so her recovery would be pretty quick. You know the night’s getting older but you know there’s more ways to enjoy everything you could think of but for now, a good night’s rest would not be bad as you can feel your drowsiness slowly taking over you until—

*notification pops up*

Yujin’s gonna see you tomorrow and you’re fucked up…

Well, was this all a mistake? You’d consider this as one but maybe this won’t be and all you can do is to prepare onto something that’s the last thing you want to deal with—her.

[suhkusa]

EGOIST 14.

PAIRING. Atsumu Miya x f!Reader

CW. plot, angst, sleeping around, atsumu's shenanigans

A/N. beep

-> MASTERLIST.

Atsumu might like you. 

He probably does, but it feels weird and foreign coming out of his mouth, let alone being a thought in his mind.

Never would he have thought he’d have feelings for the likes of you. Romantic, at that.

You were annoying and pesky and there was a point in time  where he’d hate being in a room with you. But somehow you made all of those nasty wants fade away. 

He thought that it’d be easy being so fucked up towards you and steering away from your presence. But then you did avoid him. So he thought finally apologizing to you and not being a dick to you would finally free him. But again, it didn’t.

All of these weak attempts of getting away from you and these thoughts of you were pointless if at the end of the day, you’d still live in his head.

And you don’t even know what you do to him. You make him want to be a good person, to not sleep around with all these women. To tip his drivers. It’s gross and not like him at all. Every word he says to you doesn’t feel like him because every word is full of genuinity and kindness. And it’s scary.

Maybe that’s why he finds himself here. With Angie. 

To try and get rid of the thoughts of you.

He’s naked beside her own naked body, as she rests her head on his biceps. 

“I don’t know why you’re so caught up on her? Didn’t you bully the poor girl?”

“Mm, yeah, like in high school,”

She rolls her eyes before moving a delicate hand onto his chest. 

“C’mon, why don’t we just make it official? I’m tired of hearing about her. That’s all you text me about nowadays,” she looks up at him as she pouts. 

Hell no. 

“Maybe in another life, sweetheart,” he smiles weakly, beginning to slip out of the bed, “Anyways, I have to go to practice, got the playoffs tomorrow.” 

“Aw no, stay a bit,” Angie gives him her weak attempt at puppy eyes. 

“You know I can’t,” he tugs on his last article of clothing before continuing, “And Angie?”

“Hm?” 

“Lose my number,”

———

It’s a shame he had to break it off with her, she was one of his favorites. Not only that, he’s known her the longest. But sometimes things like that are for the better. 

“Hey Atsumu,” your voice calls as he walks in. 

It catches him off guard, but he returns the greeting, “Oh hey,”

He continues to the court, throwing his back down before beginning to hit his stretches. Atsumu watches as you speak to the coach, rambling about something oh so important on your clipboard.

His eyes wander up and down your figure. Part of him wonders what would’ve happened if you two didn’t stop the other night. Would you have given all of you to him?

Atsumu’s gaze follows you as you make your way to Hinata. Laughing and smiling, nodding your head before moving to the next player. Then the next, then to him. He doesn’t realize you’re in front of him until you actually say something.

“I just wanted to check in to make sure you had everything ready for the playoffs, clean uniform, any kneepads?” you asked, clicking your pen.

“Ah, yeah,” he replies, “if anything I just need a new towel I think,”

He watches as you write something down, “Alright, let me know if you need anything else,” you give him a brief smile before moving onto Sakusa.

The way the smile on your face instantly brightens at the sight of Sakusa ticks him off. But there’s not much he could do, not right now at least. 

With a clap of Foster’s hands, all the men get up from their spots and make their way towards him, commencing the final practice before playoffs.

———

Even though you weren’t doing anything physically, you felt nearly as exhausted as the boys were and you instantly fell asleep when you got home. 

And thank god that you did, if you were to sleep any later you might’ve just missed your last alarm. You’re nervous while you get ready. So nervous you can’t even eat breakfast, going for a yogurt drink in its place. You can feel your leg shake with anxiety as it holds on the brake at a stoplight.

After parking your car, you meet up with the guys as you all wait to board the bus. You can tell they’re just as anxious, if not more. Even if this is not their first playoff game, it still means so much and more to their career and for them.

You board the bus, setting your stuff down in the empty seat next to you. Taking your place at the window seat, you immediately open your phone and scroll through your socials. You post an Instagram story to the Jackal’s account as they all board. 

After clicking send, you put your phone down. Time to finally catch up on sleep.

“Y/N,” or not.

“Can I sit here?” 

When you look up you’re met with a man with a messy blonde mop of hair, smiling down at you.

“There’s like, 15 other seats you can choose from and not have a seating partner,” you reply.

“Yeah, I know. Just want to sit here, though,” he fake pouts.

You groan, “Fine,” you begrudgingly grab your bag and tuck it underneath your chair. 

You squish your jacket between your head and window to create a makeshift pillow. You can feel his eyes on you, but ignore and let slumber take you under.

———

You don’t know that you have arrived until you are awoken by a rough hand patting your shoulder.

“C’mon,” Atsumu pushes, “we’re here,”

Holding yourself back from snapping at him, you grouchily gather your things and follow him out the bus. 

You catch up to Foster and give him the itinerary for the day. The two of you discuss the day’s events as the rest of the guys follow behind you. The lot of you locate your spot in the practice gym before settling down. 

You find a little corner to sit in and open your laptop up to review some of the latest matches of today’s opponents, EJP Raijins.

As you scratch notes onto your paper, you listen to the ambience of the guys practicing. The calling for the ball, the sound of skin hitting the ball back onto the ground. 

When you’re in your zone, time flies insanely quickly. It’s scary, because you’re scared for the match. Plus it’s broadcasted on national television, and while you’re not the center of the attention, it’s still nerve wracking to think about.

After finishing what you’re able to, you hand the paper over to the coach, which he then quickly turns to the guys and informs them on the rival team’s techniques. You watch them and help guide them through new techniques and tactics they can use to counterattack. 

They go back onto the practice court and try to practice said attacks. It’s talent, how easily these men can adapt to a situation.

You gnaw on the inside of your mouth as you watch the ball go from one side of the court to the other in a matter of seconds. 

Before you know it, it’s time to go. The guys are changing into their clean uniform, fixing their appearances as camera guys begin to trickle in for any post-game interviews. 

And then it’s go time, and you follow the rest of the guys as they find their way to the main stadium.

All the guys look confident, especially so with all the cameras on them. You put on your best “confident” face as well as you walk beside them.

As you find your spot at the Jackal’s side of the court, you join the team as they huddle up one last time. Coach Foster’s voice is loud and proud as he reminds the guys of what they have been practicing. You smile before giving them a sappy, “you got this!”

The men are excused, and you’re about to head for your seat when you hear his voice.

“Y/N,” he starts, causing you to look up at him, “if we win, you have to go on a date with me,”

© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.

[transmascaraa]

hi its 🍓 anon, can I request comfort with Gaming, Bennett, Scaramouche, Cyno, and Tighnari?

I accidentally hurt my cat's leg maybe like 20 minutes ago from when this is in your inbox but I've honestly just been crying and curling up on the ground where she's laying underneath my desk. I feel awful even though it's an accident ☹️

I'm hoping she's okay and it's not bad but I'm scared I permanently gave her a limp or that she will hate me and no longer want to be around me anymore

multiple characters headcannons!

you accidentally hurt your pet.

characters: gaming, bennett, wanderer, cyno, tighnari x gn!reader

author's note: hi 🍓anon i'm sorry i'm doing this req so late but writer's block is there for some reason🤷‍♂️ I HOPE YOUR CAT IS OKAY NOW THO AND THAT SHE STILL LOVES YOU IK HOW IT IS😭 anyways i decided to write this cuz i was bored lmfao enjoyyyy🔥🔥

♡ Gaming

-definetly gets worried after he sees you on the ground crying like that.

-"no... my love, what's wrong? you can talk to me, okay?"

-all while the pet was in the corner of the room, unphased.

-if left the room soon enough, but that was unnoticed by gaming.

-after you did your best at explaining the situation to him, he understood what you meant.

-a bit confused as to why were you thag worried about it, but he reassured you that your pet was fine and that they most probably forgive you.

-he's going to cuddle the pet with you to help you "apologize" to it.

-with gaming there, your pet will forget about what happened and just cuddle with the two of you there like nothing ever happened<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

⑅ Bennett

-now, he's hurt a fair share of animals in his life due to his unluckiness.

-and he always feels really bad for them afterwards, so he would understand after you vent to him about it.

-"hmm... yeah... i get it.."

-but him, knowing that you're not as unlucky as he is, he reassures you that your pet is okay and still loves you.

-he'll prove it to you too.

-but first he would first make you take your mind off of it for a bit.

-and then feed the pet together as some parents to their 3yo child.

-now, speaking of him proving it to you, he'll just let you pet it and let it slowly lean into your gentle caressing of it.

-the only time he was lucky in his life was when he got to be with you.

-you just looked to precious being happy that your pet has forgiven you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✧ Wanderer

-he just doesn't get it.

-why the hell are you rolling on the floor, crying, because you THINK you hurt your pet?

-"but are you sure you've actually hurt it? y'know, if you actually did, then its anger is justified-"

-until you started crying more.

-"b-but you probably didn't. so don't worry. you'll be fine, just like that like creature you call your pet."

-i mean you stopped crying so it was something????

-you'll have to beg him to cuddle you w your pet but eventually you'll convince him.

-the funny part was the fact that the pet was just more fond of wanderer, rather than you, despite forgiving you for anything and everything.

-for some unknown reasons, all animals like him, really.

-(if your pet is an aranara in some type of this teyvat au then it's even cuter)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

๑ Cyno

-he doesn't react much, really.

-not like alhaitham, but just more of his canon personality when he's not making dad jokes.

-i mean if anything, he's confused, but yeah.

-he just stares you on the floor.

-"what happened?"

-in the most monotone voice ever.

-and then after he understands why you're doing all of that, he shows a bit more of emotion.

-hardly spotted, but it's there.

-"well... i know something that can improve your mood. what do you call a-"

-you just give him a death stare. he doesn't continue speaking from there.

-afterwards, you'll feel the little cutie together and see that it's totally fine!

-you will get to hear the joke he was meaning to say sometime later, now he just doesn't wanna irritate you, he feels as if you need happiness now, not his dumb dad jokes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✿⁠ Tighnari

-he genuinely gets worried.

-but worried in a mom way.

-"you're crying because of something you THINK? are you hearing yourself right now?"

-he's sassy, even when genuinely concerned.

-now, after telling you to take a few deep breaths, calm down, and drink a glass of water, he sits you down and lets you explain everything in great detail.

-then he brings the pet to the both of you, while he checks the pet for any scars, but they fortunately aren't there!

-you get incredibly happy and hug both tighnari and the pet, but he still doesn't understand if ut was worth the crying on the floor.

-your pet literally still loved you.

-but at least he was happy to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay i think this wasn't that bad

i really like cyno's and tighnari's tho

but this was fun to write overall tbh lol

| 🍓anon | @mariaace <3

[lovelaetter]

https://youtu.be/T9uQzj1-I5k?si=tQzcmpNYzVy3cDQs i cant get over how good she looks lately but THIS interview i’m actually foaming at the mouth

aside from loving the concept of her being so open about past relationships…the sick part of me is obsessed with the idea of rosie being in a toxic relationship because it just fits her so well. i can imagine her in a situationship but not being able to detach because 1) she’s needy and attatched, and 2) gets fucked right so its worth it.

i just want her to cry and yell in my face, throwing stuff around, literally going batshit crazy just for her to come back in a week to say sorry with *that* look on her face to get her pussy stuffed, craving your fingers or getting dicked down (g!p) cause she “can’t do it herself.”

on-and-off relationships with her, being possessive and controlling over her when she’s in different cities - whether its for her little ysl shows, or music promotions, asking who she's with, adding in a certain comment about the skin she shows, acting like she hates it but deep down knows she loves being your fixation cuz it feeds her ego lol

loving being mean to her because she knows how to take it (and *other* things) and sometimes getting an earful back, just for both of you to end up in bed tearing each other apart. like, you getting upset about her writing a song in her album, calling you out subtly on your guys' relationship, fighting in the studio in front of her team, 'embarrassing' her just for kick everyone out so you can fuck right then and there because seeing you angry gets her feeling a way oops maybe i just like arguing - 🥀

😵‍💫😵‍💫

okay but what if: you also being someone in the industry, not necessarily a singer, could an actress, a director, a writer, just both sides being put out there by you and being equally messy, you know, equal rights and people love being nosy and everyone is like this is the worst relationship ever but the next day there’s an article saying how you got back together and people simply can’t be on anyone’s side, you both are the worst !!

look, i don’t have a thing for cheating, i hate it actually, awful thing, but it’s fitting here, let’s be real. her going full taylor swift and admitting on cheating on you on her album? exactly. the drama, just sitting in her room waiting for your call or worse, for you to bang at her door mad as fuck but instead you just text her like “okay girl i fucked someone too so what lol” BUT THE THING IS you are mad, yes, you cheated, but you ARE mad and playing it cool and now so is she and it triggers this week long ass fight that culminates in, not joking, weekend long sex, the type your agent calls you because you have schedule to follow and you pick it up just to tell them to fuck off, change of plans, more important things showed up— blondie on your door looking so pissed but also wearing the most “visiting my not-so-ex-girlfriend-we-complicated to scream some facts at her but also let her know i need to feel her deep inside me” outfit she could find. and the thing you said about controlling her? omg, doing it here, the subject the discussion you are having quickly changing once you take a proper look at whatever she’s wearing with a “and what the fuck is that?” and her being sooo entitled saying “well, i have places to be” and it’s like “you do?” “yeah” “yeah?” “uh-hm” until you are already too close to her and she has nowhere to run once your hands get on her like she’s a doll. you actually loved her outfit, she looks so hot as always, and deep down you know she did it just for you… but you simply wouldn’t let her win this game.

her people probably would think she is dead or something during all weekend unless they are smart enough to contact someone that works with you because she would tell her manager oh i’m visiting someone and just leave and they wouldn’t be able to reach her as the whole time her phone is inside her bag turned off and she’s busy laying belly down with her pretty face being into the pillows and spread out, moaning and crying out for you to (not) give her holes a break, pussy leaking around four fingers and pushing up every time you tease her little asshole.

sex so good it has you apologizing to each other by the end, hands between the other’s thighs, her mouth on your tits, awkwardly muttering “sorry” against your skin.

[certifiedsexed]

I have this problem where I am hyper aware of the smell of specifically my mom’s sweat/discharge. It isn’t like this for anyone else, but to me I can always smell it whenever I am around my mom or if she has been sitting somewhere for a while and it really reeks to me, like to an unbearable level. Nobody else in the house has complained about this and I’m made out to be this hateful spiteful bully for always telling her she smells and that she leaves smells wherever she sits. Idk what to do anymore, help??? Why am I the only one who can seemingly smell it? Why is it only hers that I smell??

So, this is really far out of my wheelhouse and has nothing to do with my field of study but I still feel compelled to answer this.

My first thought here is that constantly telling someone that you think they stink, especially in front of other people, is very rude and hurtful. Even if it's true.

I think the way you're going about this, "always" telling her you think she stinks and around other people is actually very unkind and that's probably why people think you're trying to be a bully. That can be very humiliating and awful to constantly hear.

Even if someone stinks, that's often not something to comment on. It can be okay if you're with a family member, or someone you're close to, and you think they'd want to know, so you pull them aside and tell them maybe they need some deodorant.

Even sometimes, especially during puberty, a sibling might not smell the greatest. That doesn't mean you can tell them that all the time. Sometimes it means you give them some hygiene tips but often it means you wait it out, maybe spray some cleaning stuff sometimes. Sometimes people stink.

But the way you're going about it isn't like that in the least and you're describing how awful this is for you and how you're being blamed for saying these things but what you're describing is also happening to your mother. You don't mention once how she's reacted, how she feels about this, what she's said in response, etc, at all.

It sounds like this situation might be far worse for her to be experiencing, Anon.

It might not even be sweat you're smelling. It could be a soap or perfume she wears that smells bad to you.

Regardless of what it is, the way you're going about it sounds hurtful and it also sounds like you're not being very thoughtful about how this might be affecting her.

I think this could be solved much better if you try to figure out when this issue started, figure out if this is a hygiene issue or just a perfume type issue-

If it's hygiene, it's possible it's a health issue, which is not necessarily something that can be helped beyond you not shaming her constantly for it. If it might be perfume, ask if you can check out what soaps and possible perfume or whatever she uses.

That doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to "fix" it, given she's allowed to wear what she wants, even if you don't like the smell, but it would clear up the mystery.

But if you can't figure it out respectfully and while being kind, then its an issue where you just need to mind your own business. Either way, it sounds like you really need to apologize to your mom.

I can't tell you exactly what's going on here but that's my thoughts. Not sure how helpful they are tbh, like I said, this is not my wheelhouse.

[romana-after-dark]

Our Gentle Sins: Part 12

Thank you so so so much to @plasticbabies for making this beautiful header!!!! we finally have a good one!

Dark!Logan Howlett x fem!reader

Series Masterlist : Main Masterlist : Logan Masterlist

Spotify Playlist

Follow @romana-updates and click follow, join my tumblr community or ask to join the tag list to keep up!

Buy Me A Coffee : Kofi : Go Fund Me

Chapter summary: Past. Dolly tells it all. Present. Has Logan really changed?

Warnings: This fic features non con, pregnancy, and themes of religious trauma. I will not be saying everything that happens to warm you, by clicking read more you are prepared for extremely dark themes and that you at 18+. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

Before

With your hair fixed and dressed smoothed, there was no sign of the passion you and Logan had shared, save for a smudge of tinted lip palm. Logan reached out, hated how you flinched even if just so slightly, and wiped it clean. He resisted the urge to lick his thumb, just to taste another trace of you, so he settled with his tongue darting out to his own lips, just for a remainder of your essence.

You and Logan sat on the couch. You faced the ladder that stood against the tall book shelf; Logan faced you.

Killed people? You? You, who cried when he was about to kill a spider, begging him to take it outside. You, who were the shining beacon to mutant kids that they could be loved by humans. You, who were so innocent you shuttered at the brush of his hand on yours.

“It wasn’t in self defense. I don’t have an excuse.”

“Was it Mark?” God, he hoped it was.

You nod.

“Sounds like self defense to me.”

Your hair flies out of its pristine condition with how aggressively you shake your head, brows knitted together in anguish and frustration. Logan didn’t understand, he could tell. He wasn’t sure he could ever understand you, really.

“He was asleep, Lo-”

“Dolly, he beat you bloody, he almost killed you-”

“He wasn’t the only one I killed.”

The silence hung in the air for a few moments as Logan waited. Waited for you to elaborate. Waited for it to make sense in his head. Waited for his anger at your secrets to subside.

“Listen doll,” He stated, clear and assertive. “Just tell me. I can handle it. You want me to tell you the awful things I’ve done? I will, if it’s gonna make you be honest with me. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for you.”

A little nod, then you swallowed. It began. “My sister was getting married. Grace. She was 14… her proposed husband was 29.”

“Jesus christ…” Logan didn’t exactly think he was the most morally superior man out there, but he thought any grown man attracted to a teenager was disgusting.

The hem of your long sleeve makes for a good fidget; the weather was getting colder. “I couldn’t do it, Lo. I couldn’t sit by and just- just allow my baby sister to go through what I’d gone through!” You still weren’t looking at him, but you didn’t stop. “I thought about calling the police, but what would it do? Our parents consented, and at the time she wasn’t going to say she didn’t want to, he was a handsome older man, of COURSE she wanted to be with him! I wanted Mark, and look where that landed me!” Finally, you turned to Logan, tears welling up your red eyes, but a look of determination on your face. You didn’t look sorry. “She was 14, Logan. She didn’t know what she was doing.”

“I understand.” And he did. If he thought Rogue was getting herself into a situation like that, he’d have stepped in. Hell, sometimes he was ready to beat Remy’s ass. If he had actually thought Remy did anything to that girl, he’d be dead. “She was just a kid.”

A deep breath. “My parents, Grace, her fiance and his parents came to our house one night, we lived in town and they were wedding planning. I took Mark’s gun…” You give a dry laugh. “He pistol whipped me with it more than once, so I knew where he kept it. That was his mistake. I put the silencer on and… I guess just… I dunno. I don’t really remember it. I shot Mark, my parents, the fiance… the fiance's parents. I- sometimes I feel bad about that…”

“Don’t.” His hand reaches for yours. “They were enabling their kid to rape a teenager. Did they have daughters?”

“Yeah… a few younger girls in high school.”

“You probably saved them from getting sold off too.”

“But now they’re in foster care! And my siblings! Our families are torn apart and it’s my fault!”

“Dolly!” Logan pulls you into him, and for a minute you freak out, you hit him and shout, but soon you fall into his strong arms, sobbing. “Your parent’s did this, not you! You did everything to protect your family, this is not. Your. Fault.” He felt you cry into his arms. He never really thought about your brothers and sisters, but he realizes now how much you must miss them. How much you must think and worry about them… Charles knows your story, has he told you how they- Charles knows. Of course he does, he saved you, he took you in… who else knows?

“Does Remy know?”

He feels you nod against him, and jealousy spirals in his chest. “Yeah, I- he and I were up after a nightmare and it… came out.”

He rubs your back. He tries to turn it around, to make sure you didn’t know how much it was eating him up that Remy knew you better than him. “He agrees with me, doesn’t he? And he still loves you. We don’t think you’re a bad person.” A sick part of him was mad you opened up to remy, that you found comfort in him, not Logan. That you didn’t need Logan as long as you had Remy. He takes your chin in his hand, gentle and uncalloused from his healing, touching your soft, wet face as he guides it to his own. “I still love you, Dolly. I love you, and this only makes me love you more.”

Your eyes shone, sadness there but also a glint of love. “I- I love you, Logan, but… I can’t do this right now. I need a little time… just to get myself straight. Is- Is that okay?”

“Dolly…” He kissed your lips, tasting the salt of your tears and the cherry lip balm, trying to force his tongue in your mouth.

“Lo-” You were cut off by his kiss, your hands gripping his flannel shirt began to press flat against his chest.

“Just love me, doll face. Just love me, and it’s gonna be okay.”

“I do!” He could smell the adrenalin and sweat on you, but also the arousal dripping from between your legs when his hand dipped down to the curve of your ass. “I just -mmph- Lo, I need time.”

He ground you down, feeling his erection between your closed thighs as you try to squire away. He just needed you to see, to see how much he loved you, to see how happy you could be together and how good he could make you feel. “Everything is gonna be okay, I promise.”

He needed to be what Remy wasn’t, what he hoped Remy wasn’t, and if he was, he was gonna be it better.

Then he felt a tear drop on his collarbone, and he stopped. He stopped despite the urge to fuck you open right here on this couch, to make you scream loud enough everyone knew who you belonged to. To claim you and fill you so publicly that Scott knew he couldn’t take you from him. Not you. Not you because you were different.

But he didn’t want you crying. He didn’t want you like that.

“Shhh, shhhhhhh it’s okay Dolly, it’s okay. We’ll wait. We’ll wait until you're ready.” He kissed your forehead, cuddling you to his warm chest. “Ain’t doing nothing until ya ready, baby girl.”

After

You liked Wade. A lot.

He was a little out of pocket sometimes, way more overtly sexual at first than you were comfortable with. He made some comment about some sex toy you didn’t understand, and when he tried to explain your face was burning up. Logan proceeds to smack him and drag him out of the room. There was a snikt, and a brief shriek from Wade, then quiet as they muttered back and forth. A minute later, Logan came into the room again, looking sheepish as he got a wet washcloth and said ‘don’t ask.’ Remy told you he probably stabbed Wade, and upon seeing the horrified look on your face explain Wade’s healing that the guy, honestly, liked it.

When Wade and Logan returned, Wade was wearing Logan’s school sweater.

Anyway, after that, Wade apologized and was more careful with how he spoke. He was still strange, a little gremlin at times, but an overall nice guy. You liked how much he made Logan laugh, even when he tried to pretend he was annoyed.

You liked Rogue too. She was a nice girl, sweet, and had a strength you admired. Logan loved her too, it was clear. 

And God, so did Remy.

Remy treated Rogue like a goddess, worshipping her every move and his black and red eyes following her with adoration. It made you happy to see. Remy was a good friend, a good person, and a good man; you knew he’d treat her well, and you liked seeing him happy. Maybe in a few years your baby boy would have a friend. Your hand goes to your stomach, feeling a kick. You like that idea?

Wade gasps loudly, looking at you. “Is he kicking??” Wade loved kids. Apparently, he and Vanessa had been talking about having kids. Something about naming them Cher? But that was before it went south.

“You wanna feel?”

Wade eyes lit up, but he hesitated still, blue frosting on his face. Rogue, Jubilee, and Kitty planned a surprise party for you after you let Rogue have the card saying the gender. The party was going nicely, Logan was talking to Jean about something you couldn’t hear, and Scott was scowling at them from across the room, ignoring whatever Kitty was talking about. When Jean laughed, you mirrored Scotts glare with a sad look of your own. You didn’t dislike Jean; she was nice. She had been handling your pregnancy and was nothing but kind and gentle. Still, you were only human, and she had sex with your fiance. Your eyes meet Scotts visor, his face unreadable. There was something similar in your positions.

You want to be distracted.

“C’mon, Logans busy.”

When Wade glances at the former couple, he makes a face you can’t quite decipher, then comes over to you. Taking his hand in yours, you guide him to where your son is kicking. It’s over your dress of course, but it still feels strange to have a man touching you, even with Wade being respectful.

He’s absolutely beaming. With a slight, breathy laugh, “Guard dog isn’t gonna bite my hand off, is he?”

“No, I promise.” You laugh back. After feeling the kick a few times, Wade pulls back. For all his unserious bravado, you noticed he’s particularly careful not to touch you or not touch longer than needed. Logan told you he’s secretly insecure about his skin, he thinks it freaks people out. You will admit, it took a little getting used to. Of course it did, just like Remy’s eyes or Kurt’s blue fur. But you didn’t think he was gross, and you didn’t mind his hand reaching to help you up or steading you when you trip. You were beginning to trust Wade like you trusted Remy.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You smile warmly. “You and Rogue. I like seeing Logan so happy.”

“Yeah,” Wade laughs, “He’s like a teenager finding pornhub for the first time, damn near giddy.”

You weren’t sure what pornhub was, but you could guess. “Actually, we wanted to talk to you about something… Logan feels to awkward, but we were thinking baby names-”

“Oh I love baby names! Got a fuck ton picked out. Cher was number one of course but considering Remy’s absolutely incomprehensible cajun it might get mixed up with the whole ‘chere, cherie, mon cherie’ bit,” he mocks the accent. “Might not be the best. For boys, I hope you stay away from the god awful braxtyn, brayden, etc names, but DONT fall into the trap of those grandfather names. Theres 1000 baby Henry’s right now, i can’t keep doing it-”

“Wade.”

“Yes?”

“We picked out a name already.”

“Oh.” He sounded disappointed. “Go on. But I’m warning you, I will be honest.”

You giggle, and see Logan glance over at you. He gives a warm smile, and you give a little wave before turning back to Wade. “First name is gonna be Steven.”

“Oh course, like the bible guy.”

“The ‘bible guy’ is a respected figure in the church, Wade.”

“And which church is that again? I missed that part- never mind, go on.”

You shoot the man a pointed semi-glare, but in good humor. “The biblical figure is a factor, but also Remy’s middle name is Étienne, which is a french version of Steven.”

Wade sighs dreamily. “Oh, that beautiful hunk of a man is going to absolutely adore that.”

“And for the middle name, we were thinking… Winston. Well, actually, I wanted Winston for the first name but Logan said other kids would make fun of him for having the name of a cigarette brand-” you were nearly knocked over with the hug. “Ah!”

“FUCK! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH RIGHT NOW!” 

Logan was over between you in a second, steadying you from the force of his hug. “Watch it, bu-” Wade did actually knock over Logan this time.

“I”M SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW!”

*

The rest of the party went wonderfully. You told everyone the name you had chosen, bringing Remy to tears as he hugged you.

“None of this would be possible without you, Remy.” You try not to think about ‘this’ including what Logan had done to you, but Remy didn’t know about that. Remy had gotten you guys together, and helped along the way, he was the reason you were having Stevie. 

The only thing wrong was later in the night. Wade rambled to you and Logan about how things were going to get real confusing if Stevie was a mutant, because it was already confusing enough with the amount of Steven heroes. Apparently there was a Steve Rogers, Stephan Strange, and a Steven grant already. You didn’t know what he was talking about, but you let him go off. 

Logan was not paying attention. As Wade happily rambled away, switching topics to the wedding in two months, you notice Logan clutching the beer bottle tightly and glaring hard in the corner. There stood Remy between Rogue’s legs as she sat up on the counter. Most guests had filed out by this point, leaving only you, Wade, Logan, Remy and Rogue, and then Kurt and Emma talking at the table.

*

“Oh come on.” You laugh, washing up dishes. Jubilee had promised they’d take care of the clean up in the morning but you didn’t want to leave a big mess so you and Logan were getting the worst of it done. “It’s Remy, you like him, remember? We’re naming our son after him.”

Logan was throwing all the trash away. “I like him as your friend, doll face. But he’s a whore.”

With a small gasp, you turn around. “Please don’t call my friend that, Logan.”

He softens just a bit before sighing an throwing a beer bottle in the trash. It shatters. “I’m sorry, baby, but you know it’s true. He’s slept with half the mansion.”

 “He hasn’t slept with anyone all year. You know Rogue left him heart broken.”

“She didn’t do anything to him!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me!” You point at him with a wet hand. “I’m not blaming her. I like her, and I know you’re protective of her, but don’t act like Remy beat and assaulted her.” It was a pointed remark, a little reminder that you hadn’t, in fact, forgotten. Logan’s face is angry, something that has rarely, if ever, been directly at you. It makes you nervous. You go back to the dishes. “It’s just Remy. He’ll be good to her.”

“He’s so much older than her! She’s just a kid, dolly!”

You scoff. “They have a smaller age gap than we do.”

“Don’t fucking talk back to me.”

You hated this, the way he spoke to you like you dad, like Mark did. What had happened? Why was he acting like this all of a sudden? The alcohol?

“I don’t think you get a say in what she does when you disappeared on her without a work just because Jean-”

The hit was so hard your forehead slammed into the cabinet.

Before you could even react, before you had a chance to walk through the steps that Logan had hit you, you were in his arms, sitting on the kitchen floor.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry baby, oh my god, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t…” He stroked your hair, your body shaking a bit but too in shock to cry. 

He hit you. Logan hit you. And now your head throbbed from hitting the wood cabinet and fuck, did it ache

“It wasn’t supposed to be hard, I just wanted your attention. You know that right? I wouldn’t hurt you?”

Logan wouldn’t hurt you. Logan wouldn’t hurt you. You flash back to months ago in this very kitchen, breaking down crying to Scott that he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t… He was going to know now, he would know he hit you, Logan couldn’t hide it. Everything that you’d built together would fall apart.

The team would fall apart, people picking sides.

Surely you’d lose Rogue, Wade, and Kurt, they’d take Logan’s side.

Would you lose Remy too? Would he chose keeping Rogue over you?

Stevie would be raised without a father once Charles saw into your mind… but Logan’s voice echo’d in your head from that day. ‘Not gonna tell Charles or anyone, not when you got as wet as you did, right?’. Charles would know. He’d know you were wet, that’d you’d gotten turned on… that’d know that before, the times you and Logan kissed even way back to the dressing room incident. He’d know you told Logan you loved him… so what right did you have to call it rape?

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Bobby walked into the kitchen to see you two together, you crying in Logan’s lap.

“Yeah.” logan grumbled, an edge to his voice giving away he felt at least the slightest bit nervous. “She hit her head. Slipped on water at the sink.”

Bobby kneels down, ice frosting his hands he puts where the goose egg is forming. It feels good, like an ice pack. “I’m gonna get Jean, here-” He reached up to grab a dry rag, wets and then freezes it. 

Logan tries to protest. “No, I think she’s fine.”

But Bobby was already heading out. “I’ll bring her here.”

“Wait! Just- I’ll carry her to the med bay, meet us there.”

Bobby shouts something in confirmation, and Logan scoops you up. “Poor baby, slipping on the water…”

Your head was spinning and throbbing, trying to make sense of what was happening. Did you slip? That had to be it. That had to be it. You had to have slipped.

Your head hurt.

LOGAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN

Come on brother

Okay, one step closer! Someone on ao3 said this series was like a puzzle, and that made me so happy bc thats what i wanted it to be.

We got one big piece now; What dolly was hiding.

The next big piece is why did Logan go from sweet, soft logan to raping her? It does not excuse him at all, in fact it might make logan look worse.

thank you so much for all your love an support!

Unfortunetly it might be a min before the next chapter. i fell behind of writing bc holidays are BUSY at olive garden!!!! I gotta get the final chapter of rooms on fire out!!! its in my triple frontier list if you are interested!!! its a cult au, lots of twists and turns.

poll time!

happy hanukkah everyone!!!! If you celebrate like me, please check out this companion guide for rabbis for ceasefire, praying for a ceasefire, the safety of innocent palistinians the return of the hostages. You all should know where I stand on this, but supporting a ceasefire is bipartisan.

I will be making a donation to Doctors without borders this Hanukkah, and I greatly encourage you to do the same.

If you celebrate christmas, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Remember that the land jesus was born in is being torn apart by bombs, rape, guns, starvation and lack of shelter. Look through this prayer guide to pray for peace, and consider backing your prayers with monitary donation. Peace on earth means civilians not being bombs and the return of innocent hostages, both of which is supported by a ceasefire. Here is one specifically for catholics, the religion i was raised in.

Thank you for all your love and constant support here!

I had a rough holiday few weeks bc i work in a restraunt, and then saturday i got into a minor car accident. ran into a light pole. it was literally all my fault i have 0 excuses, it wasnt even icy. I hit my head and got whiplash by my car is drivable thank you g-d.

life goes on!

@multiversed-daydreamer @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @del-ightfulling @miraclesabound @hindi-si-ikay @samsamsantos @madamerubrum @shybluebirdninja a @hornystan @rogueinmymind @accountforreading123 @yawnetu @princessanglophile @and-claudia a @new-genesis100 @teaganthemorningstar @oldloganslittleslut @zaggprincess2 @bugsinmyeyez @groundclueless @cosmolight @nonamevenus

[whoistrash]

Why change matters and how Amphibia did it better than The Owl House.

"Watching and Dreaming" made me cry a lot during its premiere. I was amazed and, I'd say, dazed by it. Then I forgot about it for a while. Now I finished re-watching Amphibia for the first time since TOH ended. My hype died down, and I have some thoughts. A lot, actually.

Amphibia's ending was incredibly painful and made me sob like a baby for two whole weeks the first time I watched it. That's because it was not only beautiful and heartbreaking, but truly GOOD. Brilliant, actually. I absolutely agree with a statement that any other ending would literally be a contradiction to the whole main plot, especially Anne's arc. The girls had to learn to let go in order to grow as individuals - the thing they had the biggest problem with. Saying goodbye was the only logical option, plot-wise. It still hurt like hell, though. Separating the multidimensional, against-all-odds relationships (especially my beloved spranne. Ouch, ouch, ouch). The Owl House does no such thing - everybody stays together. They live happily ever after.

Paradoxically, I think that it's the main reason why I'd choose "The Hardest Thing" over "Watching and Dreaming" every single time. I know we shouldn't really compare them in EVERY aspect, since TOH had way more things to deal with in the final episode, but the fact that Luz got to not only stay, but to freely travel between worlds as she pleases really took the whole "growing up and finding your true self no matter what the other people do/say about you" thing out the door. Luz from season one, episode one, and Luz from the finale are not really that different. Well, she certainly became more traumatised and depressed than before, but in terms of personal growth? Nope. Luz - from the very beginning - was cheerful, open, caring and very selfless, willing to literally help every stranger she met no matter how it would affect her. She had little to no boundaries, but, well, you can't argue that she was A GOOD, SELFLESS PERSON. Now, we could say that her arc here would be learning that sometimes you should put yourself before others, that you can't save everyone, that you can't trust every person you meet. And she learns it! She fucking does! She helps Philip not knowing who he will become, and then suffers from the consequences, because she helped the wrong person. And then it's all erased, when she saves Collector's life and meets Papa Titan (or whatever we call them).

I have so much to say about this. All of TOH's "villains" (Amity, Lilith, Hunter, The Collector) that were given a redemption arc literally get turned into lifeless, edgy trauma dumpsters, that suddenly loose all of their previous character, quirks and sass (well, maybe except for Lilith, she just started to express them differently, I think, but still, it was WAY too big of a change). I won't dwell on it (since many, many fans called it out already - as they should), and will focus on something different. The only one marked as irredeemable is Belos. Good. Okay. He's irredeemable, because he's a white, christian puritan who won't listen to anyone but himself. Also a genocidal maniac. That's the lesson for Luz here. "You can't save everyone. Some people are just straight up evil". And it's very, very true. But.

From all of the "villains" I mentioned before, Belos is the one that had the most reasons to, let's say, take a dark turn. Those reasons are what makes him irredeemable - he's just too convinced he's right, because, in his mind, he has evidence to prove it. But how do we learn about this? Maybe by seeing his part of the story? Maybe by learning about his brother and Evelyn, about their relationship? It couldn't be straight up awful, since Philip literally brought his brother back to life over and over again, he wanted his brother, or at least the picture of Caleb that satisfied him the most. There was more to it than only "you betrayed me and now I will hate you forever". Do we get to see any of that? No. Instead we get an all-knowing, all-doing being that literally choose Luz as "the one" for being kind and trusting, that convinces her that Belos is, indeed, a lost cause. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Luz, the person that on the literal episode two was told that there is no such thing as a "chosen one" and that she can't always hop into action to save everybody, because, it's, well, not always possible, DOES EXACTLY THAT in the finale by taking a bullet for The Collector, the, you know, very freshly redeemed and suddenly cute and funky villain, whom Luz trusts immediately. AND SHE IS REWARDED FOR IT BY BEING MADE THE CHOSEN ONE. BY A GOD-LIKE BEING THAT CLAIMS TO BE ALL-KNOWING AND CAN DECIDE WHO IS RIGHT AND WHO IS WRONG, BECAUSE OF PERSONAL (King) REASONS. Just like, you know... Belos? The irredeemable villain? And then Luz lets go of the moral dilemmas that's been keeping her up at night for the past months, makes up her mind, defeats the bad guy, learns nothing, and gets to stay in the Boiling Isles and on Earth. With her beautifully redeemed girlfriend and friends whom she kept secrets from and lied to out of fear of being ostracised (you see the pattern here, right?) for, again, months.

I love Amphibia. I love The Owl House. But Amphibia handles it's "villains", generally wronged characters and the whole change/no change thing way better. Well, maybe besides the Core - they got a bit wasted in my opinion. But still. Sasha. Grime. Marcy. Andrias. Anne herself. They learn and change. And more importantly, they face consequences and come to understand and accept them. There's no "chosen one" here. Anne gets the proposition because she's the first one to use the music box for good in literal millenia. A fact, plain and simple (not an opinion based on personal motivations), that makes sense plot-wise, and adds so, so much to Anne's arc. Because Anne from season one, episode one wouldn't care. The one from the finale cares very damn much. And that's the biggest difference.

Saying goodbye makes the message way stronger. The more I think about it, however, the more I'm starting to be afraid that there's no The Message in The Owl House to begin with. Luz learns very little, yet ends up with everything she ever wanted. There's no power behind it. The "find the right people and choose to trust them, not everyone will be your friend" and "some things are out of your control, some people are just bad" aspect is even weaker, as proven by basically the whole season 3. I will end it by my favorite quote from Amphibia, that I think about on daily basis. Have a good day, y'all.

"Change can be difficult, but it's how we grow. It can be the hardest thing to realize you can't hold on to something forever. Sometimes, you have to let it go; but, of the things you let go, you'd be surprised what makes its way back to you."

[reicraft]

Golden Mangos

Aphrodite!Fem!Reader x Travis Stoll

Summary: after a certain incident you can’t help but start liking mangos a bit more, and maybe a certain camper as well.

Contains: fluff, characters can be ooc, usual Stoll sibling antics, some swearing, kind of cringe lines ngl

A/N: I love this small prank the stolls pull on the Aphrodite cabin and it inspired me to write this fic. Hope you guys like it. Reqs are open <3. Also I hate mangos idk what demon possessed to write a character that loves them.

Word Count: 2.5k

If there is one thing your cabin mates knew about you, it is your strong affinity for mangos–or, as Drew likes to call it ‘an extreme obsession’. Another fact was that, for some odd reason, camp didn't have mangos. Well not least you bribed a Dementer kid to grow some or got a Hermes child to bring you one from the outside. Sometimes, you would even go back home during winter break just to be able to enjoy some sweet mangos, even if they weren’t in season. Your dad always spoiled you rotten with everything, from actual mangos to mango lip gloss. So, it came to your sibling's surprise that there you were eating half a mango for breakfast. Lost in your world without a care for the burning eyes watching you. 

“How exactly did you get that?” asked Piper, munching on  her bowl of strawberries, “One of the boys from cabin 4” You replied oh so casually.

 “Y/N, you can't just use your charmspeak casually,” complained Mitchell. Unlike Piper and Drew, you tended to use your charmspeak for more trivial things. If your mother gave you a gift, it was to be used, and maybe you did use it for small things like getting out of archery or another serving of strawberry shortcake. Maybe it wasn't the best use of such power, but it came in handy, overall being blessed with beauty had its perks. 

“It's fine I was just craving some. Plus the Hermes kids haven't made their trip yet, so something had to be done,” you said, cleaning off the dripping juice. It might have been the best mango you have eaten if it weren't for your siblings shooting daggers at you. “Well, at least I'm not using my charmspeak to manipulate a cabin,” you continued. 

“It's been months, let it go, please,” said Drew, now getting slightly annoyed by you. But who could blame you? You were slightly annoyed at this conversation yourself. Couldn't a girl enjoy her mango in peace?

“Anyways we have archery practice, so don't charmspeak your way out,” said Piper, looking directly at you.

“Hey, it was like three times, I was tired,” you defended yourself, putting your hands up. Despite the occasional squabbles, you did love all your siblings. Yes, maybe you had petty fights like Valentina stealing Drew's crop top or Mitchell using Noah’s cologne. But nothing extreme. At the end of the day, the power of gossip and love united, making you a happy little family. 

So as you all enjoyed your archery class led by Kayla from the Apollo cabin, playfully pointing arrows at each other and cheering Lacy on as she hit a bullseye, you failed (more like didn't expect) to notice two mops of curly brown ran past you, making a beeline for a certain pink cabin tip-toeing in and out, leaving the object in their hands giggling at their prank. 

So, as your cabin finished the lesson and made your way for a quick break, you didn't expect to see a golden mango with ‘for the hottest’ written on it.

“Aw, I love it when people leave things for me,” said Drew, picking up said mango ready to add it to her infinite collection of love letters 

“Well it doesn't say for who it is,” said Mitchell. 

“Maybe it's for me,” said another one of your siblings. 

“I'm the hottest I don't know what you're talking about” interjected your sister.

“I was told I rival my mom's beauty,” you added.

 “She's OUR mother too,” started Piper. 

Your banter slowly turned into actual fighting, screams echoing outside the cabin as glass bottles shattered. 

“That was my only bottle left, you bitch” screamed Drew as Valentina threw her perfume to the ground. It didn't stop there, as shoes and  clothes flew out the window, landing in the mud

 “Mom gave me that belt, Mitchell,” cried one of your brothers, as said belt was now covered in gross mud, lost forever.

 “Oh my gods, why could you cut up my Miu Miu sweater? that was expensive,” you sobbed as one of your sisters started cutting up clothes nearby. 

Safe to say, the cabin was no longer the organized place that always got a 5, it looked worse than the Hermes cabin, with tattered clothes mixed with spilled makeup and perfume covering the floor. 

“What in gods name is this?” You all looked like deers caught in headlights once Chiron stepped foot in the cabin.

 “They started it,” everyone said simultaneously, pointing in different directions.

“Actually, I believe I found the perpetrators outside. Still, kitchen duty for all,” he said, galloping outside as said perpetrators peeked into the cabin 

“We did well with this one, Trav,” said conner snickering. 

“You'll pay for this Stolls'' screeched Drew. Suddenly, seventeen angry children of Aphrodite ran towards the siblings. Yes they had pulled hair and spills all over their clothes, but they didn't care about appearances at the moment, especially you, who would waste such a good mango just like that, plus you were still mad about your sweater, you had planned on wearing it for the bonfire later.

 Fortunately, some form of revenge was taken as pasty white foundation appeared on Travis's face, making him look like a clown, and Connor’s clothes instantly shrunk two sizes smaller. You would say he was rocking the crop top, but it honestly just looked funny. 

All of the cabin stood there in a circle, scowls on their faces and some laughing at the sight, as you broke through your teared-up sweater still in hand.

 “Nemesis is a bitch I guess” said one of your sisters as you threw your sweater at Travis's face. “You're lucky we’re being nice to both of you,” you said, quickly storming off back to your cabin. Now who was going to clean all of this up?

It took most of the cabin all day until dinner to clean up all the broken glass and fabric left on the floor, as well as clean some of the muddy designer shoes. 

“I'm sorry Y/N. I know you loved that sweater,” said your sister. It was more than just an extremely expensive sweater to you, your father had gifted it to you as a birthday present. It wasn't often you got to see him only during winter break on occasion. It was a small piece that tied you back home, and now it was destroyed.  

“It's fine. Maybe I could get a new one” you lied through your teeth. Even a new sweater couldn't replace the damage done, and you swore upon your mother and Nemesis that you would get your revenge on the Stolls. Maybe you could make them fall in love with a frog or cause someone to break their heart. Anything at the moment seemed like a better revenge than their permanent makeup and clothing curse placed by your siblings. You were just so mad you couldn’t fathom it all. 

It all just got you in a terrible mood. You were sure your anger and bitterness could turn the campfire black. And there you were, getting ready for said campfire with no sweater on, and your favorite mango balm was also a small victim of your sibling's anger. You sat at dinner sulking, not speaking to anyone, trying to eat your mango, thinking it could cheer you up but it didn’t. It just made you angrier at the Stolls, especially Travis with his cheeky smile as you threw him your destroyed sweater. Granted, it might have been the clown makeup, but still. 

And you continued to sulk during the campfire, not singing along and sitting slightly apart from your siblings. Most of them had made amends at this point, but you just acted like it. Who could blame you for being petty? It was only justified. You were so entranced in your own emotions that you failed to see the person sitting next to you, yet the small gift placed on your lap didn’t go unnoticed.

 “I heard from Gwen about your sweater,” he said, looking down at the floor “I’m sorry about the whole ordeal, really.” 

You sighed as you looked towards him “Travis you know I can’t get that makeup off of you,” you said. You were sure whatever this gift was it was probably bribery, and your anger couldn’t let you see past that. 

“Maybe you should open it first. I kind of left camp for this and paid for it,” he said, finally looking back at you. You tried your best not to laugh at his face, but he did look ridiculous with the clown makeup.

 You opened the gift carefully, revealing a pink sweater almost exactly like the one you lost. You gasped as you looked back at Travis, “I know it’s not Moo Moo.” 

“Miu Miu,” you corrected. 

“Yeah that. But still I wanted to replace it. I know it doesn’t have the same meaning, I'm sorry, really,” his apology seemed sincere, and you couldn’t dictate lies between his words. 

“Thanks, but what about the rest of the things my siblings lost?” You weren’t wrong. If he wanted to apologize, he should’ve been replacing all the things lost in this ‘prank.’ 

“Well, it’s not like they like mangos,” he said ever so casually, confusing you.

“Excuse me?” 

“Yeah, you know there’s only one person in that cabin that likes mangos. It was a golden mango,” he got up and just left, winking at you as you stayed there processing his words. You would’ve laughed at his face, but even with the gods awful makeup, he looked cute, and you could almost feel your heart skip a beat as to what he was insinuating. But still, you didn’t understand what exactly he was trying to tell you. He left you there dumbfounded, trying to understand your feelings at that moment.

Being a daughter of Aphrodite, you could be pretty oblivious when it came to your feelings. You knew instantly if someone had a crush on another person, yet you couldn't understand why your heart beated so fast around the Hermes boy. You chalked it up to the ridiculous makeup he had, considering you found clowns creepy, but it still felt different. Suddenly, you didn't feel like skipping archery class anymore if it meant the Hermes cabin was going to be there, or putting a little bit more effort into your appearance each morning. You even wore your pink sweater religiously, as if it was the only item of clothing you owned. 

Your siblings were not as oblivious as you, they knew about the secret glances during breakfast or how your voice went up an octave when you spoke to him. But in true aphrodite cabin style, they watched from afar, seeing a love story form right before their eyes. And it wasn't hard to push you guys together, you seemed to always unconsciously follow him around, excusing it by saying you wanted to be more involved in camp. 

“Y/N could you take over arts and crafts for me today? I’m kind of busy with some other things,” asked Mitchell. He was free, but you did need to know that, and being the understanding sister that you were, you agreed. But your dear brother forgot to mention one slight detail: it was all the younger campers, which you couldn't stand sometimes, and that it was an arts and crafts session with the Hermes cabin.

 So, it came as a surprise to see a familiar mop of curls sitting at a separate table from the rest of the campers, making his own friendship bracelets. And it seemed to be a surprise to Travis too, fixing his hair and discreetly checking his breath once he caught a glimpse of you. 

“I thought Mitchell was helping today,” he said, pulling the chair next to him. You sat down fixing your hair too. 

“Actually, he is busy today, so I'm covering,” you explained, avoiding his eyes. His clown makeup long gone, you finally were able to appreciate his blue eyes and elvish features.

 “I’m glad you like the sweater,” he said, breaking the silence between you too. You had forgotten you were wearing it; it was muscle memory at this point. 

“Yeah, it's nice. Thank you so much,” you said, trying to hide the blush creeping on your face.

 “I'm glad you like it. I had to play poker with some of my siblings to buy it,” he said, and as your mouth dropped, Hermes boy’s were known for shoplifting once in a while, and you had assumed that was the case. But with the simple fact he went through all that trouble to get you a sweater made your heart flutter, you couldn't ignore it anymore: you had a crush on Travis Stoll and he had a crush on you. 

You kind of knew about the boy's feelings, being one of the many gifts blessed upon you by your mother. Yet for a whole month, you were in denial of your feelings. How could you like someone who played such a prank on you and your siblings? Or who always had a stupid smirk on his face to pair up with his cocky personality? Yet, you couldn't help it, your heart secretly longed for him. 

“You didn't have to go through so much trouble for a sweater, you know,” you said, grabbing some thread to make your bracelet.

“I know, but I wanted to make things right,” he said smiling at you. 

"You should've replaced Mitchells cologne, aren't you guys friends?” you said, not looking at how his smile slowly faded. 

“We are friends, but I wanted to make things right with you,” you couldn't help but smile at his words as butterflies started to form in your stomach.

“Why with me though?” Travis groaned, running his hand over his face. “I thought you were a daughter of Aphrodite” he said, with slight annoyance laced in his words 

“I am, but that still doesn't answer my question,” You finally looked up at him holding back from laughing in his face.

 “Because you're you, and I… don't you get it Y/N?” he said, stumbling over his words.

“Gods don't make me spell it out, this is so embarrassing,” the young campers long forgotten as they left both of you alone. “I like you. Gods, the mango was meant for you, there's only one person in that cabin that eats mangos like she can't live without them,” he spilled out, feeling a weight lift off his chest 

“I knew,” you said. You couldn't help but smile, it was only you ever wanted to hear from him, ever since he sat next you at that campfire.

“You knew!?” 

“Trav I can sense when someone has a crush, I just wanted you to say it,” now it was his time to blush at the sound of his name leaving your lips. 

“And I guess the feelings are reciprocated” you finished off, looking directly into his eyes. 

“So, will you go out on a date with me?” he asked, smiling so wide it hurt his cheeks. 

“If there's going to be mangos, then yes I would love to go on a date with you,” you responded. It felt like time stopped, and it was only you and Travis in that moment, looking at each other's eyes stuck in your bubble of love. 

[hamliet]

Hi, Hamliet! First of all, thanks for your fics and metas! As someone who is blind to LGBTQ you helped me to learn. Also, you are the only one (that I know until now) who also love to talk about Christianity and know about Bible.

See, I was raised by a religious mother who is homophob and now she love "that" president who got chosen again. I love my mum so much, but it's okay that I'm sad by her choice right?

She really chose him just because he "looks religious", can you believe that?

And I tried talk to my mum about how I enjoy queer thing, and she looked at me sad and angry so I lied. Then she sent me sermon of how LGBTQ people will end in hell. And how she is proud that the real gender is only male and female.

Because of that I kinda loose a little faith in christianity (is it weird, I'm so sorry)? Have you ever feel that?

My mum really love king David's story, so when I found your post about how he is a disaster bi, I laughed so hard. Because my mum who is anti LGBTQ not realized that the person she like is bisexual, too...

Also, Paul not married at all, can he be ace or aro?

If I can asked, what is your fav story from Bible and your fav person in it?

Hello hello!

First off, I'm sorry about your mother. I understand. My own mother isn't pro-him, but a lot of my loved ones, including people who actually helped me find a real faith instead of the indoctrinated fundamentalism, have fallen to him. I hate what that man and what he stands for have done to them. I want my loved ones back. Give me back my loved ones, you alt-right brainwashing conmen.

And, I'm also angry. I don't know that I'll ever really forgive them--or, that even if I love them and forgive them, the anger won't cease so long as we live with the consequences they have inflicted on, to use the biblical term, "the least of these." Basically, the vulnerable, the people those in power don't consider. I don't think it's wrong to feel that righteous anger.

But I still want them back.

Just remember that the Bible says this about looking religious:

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to (Matthew 23:13).

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world (James 1:27).

I don't say this to condemn your mom, or my own loved ones. Just to say that Christians in America--particularly evangelicals--have utterly lost sight of who Christ is, and when someone actually speaks the word of Jesus to them, they want her executed for treason. The American church has sold out for power, for comfort, for wealth, but you can't serve God and mammon. And the consequences of it will be its destruction. The problem is that so many innocents don't deserve this.

As for the LGBTQ thing, sigh. I'm sorry. It's awful. Sometimes I just want to ask people to read about Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome--which was only first recognized 200 years ago--and tell me with a straight face that there are only two genders, and that we know everything there is to know about gender and couldn't possibly be missing key information, even biological information, that informs gender identity.

(I'm not saying there is certainly biological information or that that is necessary to believe queer people are perfectly and wonderfully made in the image of God, as are we all. I'm just saying that I do think people who default to biology need to consider how much we still don't know and are discovering about genetics.)

I don't think it's weird to lose faith. I think it's what happens when we're in a culture where the people who boast about their faith are so far from the very faith they describe. It's a natural consequence. All the far-right conservatives in the US would be better with millstones hung around their necks for the damage they're doing to everyone--both the vulnerable, and to God's name. Because God's name is synonymous with the vulnerable. If you treat the vulnerable with anything other than love and respect, I'd say that's blasphemy, because he's on their side.

So, the funny thing about my favorite Bible story and character is... it's David and specifically his story with his son Absalom. I actually wrote a whole theology paper on it.

The saying that David was "a man after God's own heart" is true, but while we often assume that means God's heart has us slaying giants and ruling, the reality is that David was never closer to God's heart than when he was weeping over his lost son. Because God himself knows what it's like to lose a son.

The irony, though, is that Absalom went really, really wrong. Just like the path so many Christians in American are taking right now. A path of power and self-aggrandizement, where the hypocrisy is out for everyone to see, and the innocent pay the price.

I think God's weeping over them, too.

Oh, and about Paul, for sure he could be! He actually was also quite likely married at one point, because he claims to not be lacking in any qualifications according to the religion of his day--and one of those was to be married. A lot of scholars theorize his wife left him after he converted, which would certainly explain a lot of his darker view of marriage. </3

[kittynugg]

WOOP WOOP MORE A LITTLE DILEMMA

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62289874/chapters/161401792

chapters: 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/?

words: 3,983

p.s: reblogs appreciated! do not tag as any ships! also the fun link thing isnt working again and im mad about that i'll try to fix it sometime

“C’mon, Grunkle Ford!” Mabel called from the see-saw across the playground. Ford stood anxiously on top of the foam barrier between the sidewalk and the sand. “I need someone to balance me out!” 

He.. didn’t move. He couldn’t! There were so many other– no, not other, just kids, and Dipper was watching him like he was the parent figure and he didn’t want to play with Mabel right now. Not because it was childish. Frankly he loved going along with Mabel’s silly games, He just didn’t feel like it and chose to be a vain little shit about it.

..Shut up, he was angry about the “child” situation.

“You’re really just gonna stand there?” Dipper questioned with crossed arms. “You went on a Merry-Go-Round with her two days ago.” He stepped back with a ‘woah!’ as a girl with blonde pigtails and pink overalls sprinted past him, then gave an exasperated comment about playground traffic. “..what I’m saying is you’d definitely do it as an adult. So why not now when you’d fit in perfectly?”

Ford shifted a little on the barrier, a few inches tall and just wide enough for him to balance on, and rose his arms ever-so-slightly to keep his balance. “You wouldn’t understand,” he declared with all the melodrama of his older self. “This is a disaster, Dipper!” His arm flew out emphatically and his other hand ran through his hair.

His theatrics fell flat, though, as Dipper bit his lip to hold back a laugh. “You’re on a playground, man.” Ford glared. Dipper smirked. “No, no, you’re right.” He put out his hands placatingly. “This is the worst. Total tragedy.”

“Exactly!” He hopped off of his little perch on the barrier. “A total atrocity!”

“A calamity!”

“A crisis!” 

“A cruel injustice.”

“An utter outrage!” Ford cried out as Dipper grabbed his hand and– hey was he leading him toward the see-saw?

Before he could question it he was standing right in front of it. “Okay, get on.” His nephew instructed, gesturing up toward the empty seat. Mabel looked over at him with that innocent smile that made him feel like she’d explode from sadness if he didn’t.

“Ugh, fine, I’ll..” Ford sighed despondently. “I’ll get on the see-saw. That’s a stupid name for.. Anything.” He narrowed his eyes at the ground, then pulled himself up onto the higher end of the grey board, settling in the yellow seat. Such an ugly color scheme! He hated all of thi–

He cut himself off with an unsteady squeak as gravity did its job and his end of the see-saw lightly bumped against the ground.

“Now you have to push up!” Mabel whisper-yelled from above him, beaming brighter than the sun above them. Suddenly the embarrassment was worth it. 

Nodding, he kicked off the ground. Gravity was once again his best friend here, gently lifting him into the air, and he’d never admit it but maybe he giggled a little on the way down. As he reached the ground again his stomach did that awful lurch thing it did when he hit a speed bump or pothole in his car and made him unwillingly let out an “ough–”

“..Again!”

And for a few minutes, he wasn’t an old man stuck in a child’s body, he was just.. Him. Laughing, cheering “higher!” every other time he went up, and grinning like it’d always been this way. Like everything was exactly the way it should be.

When he finally stumbled off the see-saw, he was dizzy. He fell backward into the sand with a leftover chuckle and was met with Mabel. 

“You okay?” She asked, kneeling next to him and then sitting down.

He dug his fingers into the sand. The grains were warm, they felt nice between his fingers. “More than okay, hun. I think the constant motion just threw off my equilibrium.”

”I don’t really know what that means.” Ford actually got more excited at his niece’s words, an opportunity to educate!

One of his six fingers stuck up pragmatically. “Well, inside of your ear is a liquid called endolymph, it displaces the miniscule hairs in your inner ear as your head moves. That’s the reason you get dizzy when you spin around, because the fluid in there is still sloshing around.” Frankly, he was happy to supply that, and even happier when Mabel nodded with interest. “It’s basically your body’s biological bubble level.”

“..Definitely the same Ford,” Dipper observed quietly. 

Ford rolled his eyes and laid back, letting out a slow breath. The sun gently warmed him and the sand around him in a way that seemed to melt all defenses he had in place. Something about it, maybe the reminder of simpler times, almost made him drowsy. “I’m surprisingly happy you kids took me out here.” He uttered. “At first I was.. Less than thrilled but I think I was just being oddly immature. Considering how bent on being the opposite I was.”

“Yeah, kinda..” admitted the boy now sitting cross-legged in the sand near them. “But, hey, I wouldn’t blame you for it. You’re going through a lot right now, y’know?”

“And you’re, like, super dramatic.” Mabel nudged Ford’s shoulder.

“That too. I think you’re just thinking too much into it, honestly. Like, last summer, before you came along, I had this whole thing where I didn’t feel manly enough for.. Whatever. So I went to these Man-otaur guys and they tried to get me to kill the.. Multi-bear..? Man, this town is weird.” Dipper’s brows furrowed, then he shook his head. “But, yeah, it was pretty stupid now that I think about it.” 

Once Ford began to question what Dipper’s point was, he got to it.

“You’re still.. Just because you look like a kid doesn’t mean you’re just a whole different person, you’re still Stanford Pines, it looks like you’re overcompensating.”

He nodded slowly, folding his hands on his chest. “Right.” Glasses-clad eyes darted around. “Maybe you two should go and play,” he suggested. “I’ll be okay by myself for a while.”

Dipper opened his mouth to give a hesitant response, but Mabel grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. “Hey, let’s go spin on the spinny-doo until we throw up!” She chirped, pointing toward the spinner.

“Yeah!” Cheered her brother, taking the hint, and they scampered off toward it.

Ford watched them with a tired smile, then laid his head back into the sand.

Against his better judgement he let his eyes slip shut. 

He flinched back into reality, unsure of how long he’d been dozing, when a high-pitched voice piped up from above him. 

“Hi!” A little girl said to him, and upon opening his eyes he noted it was the same one who’d almost crashed into Dipper earlier. “Are you asleep?”

Ford blinked tiredly up at her, then sat up and tried to keep the grumpiness out of his expression. “I would have been in about five seconds if you didn’t come around.” He flinched back as she suddenly extended a hand toward him.

“Lemme help you up!” She offered, and without thinking he took her hand and used it to pull himself to his feet. A mortified chill ran through him as her eyes drifted down to his own hand, then she looked at her free one and spread out her fingers. “One.. two.. three.. four.. five..” she counted under her breath.

..Six. His mind echoed, and he suddenly felt that panicked heat run through his veins.

Until the little girl beamed at him. “You can count to twelve! I can only go to ten with my fingers!”

“..Really?” As quickly as it came, the fear melted away into a hesitant gratefulness. “I counted to one million, once, it wasn’t too difficult.” He spread out his fingers and stared down at them thoughtfully. “But ten is a big number,” he stated as his ‘nurture child’ instincts reared their head slightly. “You should be awfully proud of yourself.” 

She let out some little happy noise, then tugged at his hand. “I’m Sally! I’m six!” Introduced the girl with a strikingly Mabel-like enthusiasm. It made him chuckle.

“My name is Stanford,” he shook her hand, then pulled his away. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His eyes drifted over to Dipper and Mabel, a screaming blur on the spinning piece of playground equipment, and he shrugged. They were fine. Dipper could handle more g-forces than you’d expect at first glance! “Oh, I’m.. ten, by the way.”

Quickly counting her fingers, Sally murmured, “you’re.. Four years older than me! What’s being a growed-up like?”

Not correcting her grammar error hurt, but he ignored it nonetheless. Being called a “grown-up” was a nice ego boost. He was a grown-up. Adult. “Oh, it’s fun. For the most part.” 

That was not exactly the truth.. Maybe he enjoyed not having to sneak snacks after a certain time but there was also the whole.. “Freedom” thing that he had to get used to.

“Can you go to bed whenever you want?” She asked innocently.

What was once a forced, polite smile became an amused one, and he nodded. “Well, yes, but like I said; not as glamorous as you might think.” Eugh, tell that to his eyebags. “You can’t stay up too late.”

“Why not? My Dads say it’s because you need beauty rest or else you won’t grow.” Her eyes drifted over to a couple sitting on a bench, watching attentively and probably excitedly discussing their daughter making a new friend if their faces had anything to say about it.

“Precisely that,” Ford stated, “and you feel bad when you don’t get enough sleep.” It was a struggle he knew all too well.

His head swiveled in the direction of the two men on the bench as one of them called, “Sal! Gotta go, think you can say goodbye to your little friend?”

Well, he’d hardly consider them frie-

He wheezed as two arms tightly wrapped around his tiny frame, then let out a gasp when she pulled away. 

“I have to go home, now! Uh, hang on..” She dug in the front pocket of her pink overalls until she produced a handful of lollipops and dropped them into Ford’s hand. “You can have these, I have more in the car! See ya!”

Ford was only able to give a muttered goodbye before she skipped off, waving at him the whole time. Once he was out of her sight he violently shuddered. He could practically feel the bacteria growing on his clothes, multiplying.. Child germs.

Just as his disgust began to morph into horror at the thought of whatever pathogen that child just spread to him, Dipper and Mabel stumbled over to him with green faces and twin grimaces.

Mabel was the first to “speak” as Dipper attempted to get his gag reflex under control, giving a long groan and then gagging herself. Ford watched them with furrowed brows until she actually said something. “I think we spun too fast..”

“As I said,” replied Ford with a smug grin and a raised finger, “endolymph! You’ve been dizzy before, it’ll stabilize.” He waved a hand dismissively.

His nephew dragged a hand down his face, then frog-blinked. “I greyed out.. like.. three times.” He 

“Ooh, impressive,” he enthused softly. After tapping his chin for a moment he pointed at Dipper with a finger gun. “Did you experience G-LOC?”

Rubbing his temples, Dipper arched an eyebrow. “..No..?”

“Hm, really? Every good scientist needs to. I’ll help you with that when we get home.” He bit back a snicker at the incredibly concerned looks he was shot by both of his niblings.

“Haha.. I’m in danger.” Said Dipper with a distant glint in his eyes.

Ford, ever the responsible guardian, nodded. “We have plenty of danger at home, now let’s go there before any other children try to befriend me.” He started to walk off toward the sidewalk, but Mabel stopped him.

“Someone tried to be friends with you!? Aaaawwww!” She cooed with her hands pressed to her cheeks. “Who was it, did you learn their name? Maybe we can set up a playdate!” 

The very mention of a “playdate” made his skin crawl, so he put the kibosh on the idea as quickly as possible. “A little girl named Sally, but I don’t want to have a playdate with her. I’m a grown man, remember?”

Mabel countered, “a teeny tiny adorable grown man,” patting his head. Naturally, he swiped at her hand with a grumble.

And when he looked to Dipper for help he absolutely failed him, arms cross and expression appraising of Mabel’s idea. ”I think you’re losing this one, Great Uncle Ford.”

“I am going to throw you into a centrifuge at my first opportunity.” Threats would surely help him in this situation!

Dipper’s eyes narrowed in that.. ‘I’m manipulating you right now and you know that but are you going to do anything?’ expression, and he tapped his chin. “That’s interesting, almost makes me want to intervene less.” 

Threats didn’t help him! What kind of nonsense was that!? That cunning– 

“Is she still here? I can get her phone number if she has one and tell her to come to the shack..” mused their sweater-clad partner in crime to herself. 

Ford panicked. “No, no! No.” He waved his hands with emphasis, then leaned over to Dipper and promised him anything he wanted as long as he intervened in a whisper because these were desperate times.

Before Mabel could really get into the logistics of the playdate (probably how much glitter would be involved), an elbow nudged hers. “Maybe he should try to lay low, right? He’s gonna be an adult again soon,” said Dipper with a glance at Ford that carried a glint of uncertainty, “if he goes and makes a bunch of friends they’ll just miss him when he’s back to normal.”

“Aw, you’re right..” She tapped her chin, squinting. “Hmm.. wanna go back on the see-saw?”

An intense look was cast at her by Ford. “I will always want to play on a see-saw with you, Mabel.”

“I knew I could count on you!” Mabel chirped, grinning from ear to ear. She took Ford’s still frustratingly-tiny hand and pulled him toward the see-saw. 

Naturally, Ford climbed on like he had the first time, and gripped the railing tightly with one hand as he pushed off the ground and was lifted into the air. Such a simple action.. and yet it was more fun than he had on a daily basis as an adult. Even the second time! It just didn’t get old! “Whoo!” He cheered, reaching a hand toward the sky that cast a long shadow against the ground.

All good things must come to an end.

“That kid’s got six fingers!” Yelled an older boy on the playground, pointing at his excited form high in the air.

He gave the kid the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he just had his guard down from that little girl.. 

“Oh, yes!” Ford jumped off of the see-saw once he was close enough to the ground. Dipper and Mabel watched with trepidation as he trotted right up to the boy, extending a hand. “It’s called Polydactyly. It’s cool, right?”

The kid actually flinched back, pulling his hand as far away from Ford’s as possible, and stepped back. “What the heck-!?”

Ford froze, hand still outstretched even as the boy backed away from him. Voices around him murmured words he couldn’t process anymore. Was his vision starting to tunnel? Why did it matter? He didn’t say ten words to him and he was already being judged.

This was just like..

Cathy shrieked, yanking her hand away from Ford’s. He felt so much colder without the contact..

“Ew, you have six fingers!?” A squeal escaped her as she frantically wiped her hand on her skirt. “That’s so weird!” Now the other kids on the playground were looking at them. He could feel their eyes on his back. It burned.

His face went red, and he buried his hands in his pockets. “I- I didn’t think–”

“You’re a freak!” She pointed at him, Ford flinching away from her hand. “I don’t like-like you anymore!”

He couldn’t move. She turned, she ran away, she left forever and wasn’t going to come back. He couldn’t breathe. “B- But.. I..” He whispered, but his words died off long before Cathy could hear him. 

That was the day something shifted, wasn’t it?

“Grunkle Ford? Come on, stay with me.” A pair of fingers snapping in his face brought him back to reality, where Dipper stood before him with a concerned look. “We need you in the real world, alright?”

The real world. Right. That was when he was brought into the real world. Found out that those who are different are hated, shunned. He shook his head. “I’m fine.” An obvious lie, he could feel tears pricking at his eyes. “I was just.. Thinking of something.” He dragged in a breath, but it didn’t help as much as he’d hoped.

He’d dealt with this for fifty damned years, he almost thought it shouldn’t hurt so much anymore, but now? Now that wound felt just as fresh as it had the day it happened. Maybe even worse.

“Aw, don’t– Don’t listen to them!” Mabel gave a half-hearted laugh that was intended to be reassuring. “They don’t know what they’re talking about, they’re just–”

“Just kids?” Ford hissed in a shaky voice. “In the real world, grown-ups will lie so they don’t hurt you. But she– she was too young to know, she’d just say anything because she didn’t know I’d– I’d carry that for the rest of my life, and– and–” He choked a sob despite his instincts screaming at him to pull himself together. “It’s not fair.” A small, broken voice that couldn’t have come out of him squeaked.

She grabbed his hand, gently but firmly, and gave it a soft squeeze. “Oh, Grunkle Ford.. who hurt you? You can talk about it, me and Dipper’ll listen! I can go make them apologize if you want!”

Get a grip, he told himself, now they’re worried. 

“Just some.. Perceived crush at the time, sweetie..” he ignored the way his voice was more sniveling than speech. It wasn’t romantic, he didn’t actually feel what he thought he felt, fine. But it would have been nice if she wasn’t so.. So cruel. “That was the day I realized how different I was, I suppose it.. Stuck with me.” His eyes turned toward the ground. “And it affected me a lot.”

But he placed his other hand over Mabel’s anyway. “I.. do appreciate the sympathy.” 

“You, uh,” Dipper rubbed the back of his neck. “Didn’t get much of that as a kid, huh? Man..” 

“No, I wish.” Ford instinctively reached for Dipper’s hand, almost releasing it when his nephew gave him a slightly surprised look but relaxed as his expression softened. “But Stan and you two make up for that exponentially, don’t worry about me.”

Mabel glanced at Dipper, and he met her eyes, the two of them seeming to have a silent conversation.

Then they turned back to him and Dipper said, “we’re not gonna stop worrying about you.” Because of course they wouldn’t. He was oh, so fragile. 

..Okay, he was at the moment, but that was sarcasm and his point still stood.

“You don’t have to be concerned, you know, I-” don’t want your pity “-can manage my own emotional state just fine. I’ve been doing it for most of my life, after all.”

“We can tell.”

“I still have the authority to ground you,” deadpanned Ford with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, but Dipper and Mabel just smirked at him. “..Can’t you at least pretend that I’m not too soft to discipline you? Once?” 

Dipper made a real show of thinking about it. He tapped his chin and his foot, eyes narrowed with intense thought. “Hmmm.. I don’t know.. What do you think, Mabel?”

His gesture was mimicked by his sister, if not exaggerated ten-fold. “I’m not a good actor..”

“You play pretend all the time, you roped me into it the other day!” Facepalming helped him fight the fondness from his expression. “Pirates, it was fun. But regardless, both of you are very good actors and I frankly don’t believe that this self-doubt stems from anything but convenience.” 

Ford rolled his eyes as the other two Pines kids– the only Pines kids nodded in unison. “Oh, yeah.” “We’re totally guilty,” they muttered to his chagrin.

“You kids have no respect.” He tsked, dramatically looking away. ..That was a motion he regretted as his eyes caught a few kids mumbling to each other and pointing at him. “Can we leave?” Vulnerability once again forced itself into his demeanor, his voice low and shoulders hunched, but it ebbed when Mabel took his hand again.

The softest little giggle escaped her as he happily squeezed her hand. “Yeah! This was a dumb idea, anyway.. I just didn’t think kids who are okay with gnomes would be so freaked out about an extra finger.” Her eyes drifted over to a kid sitting by the swings, playing pat-a-cake of all things with.. Was that Jeff? 

“Anyway, wanna be our gnome queen?” Ford could hear him ask as they finished their game. So he still hadn’t found a new queen. Now, why wouldn’t anyone want to marry that? Hmm..

Sarcasm.

“I wouldn’t call the idea stupid, honey,” he reassured with a thoughtful expression as Mabel took Dipper’s hand and led them off the sand, to the sidewalk. “I had fun. For the most part.” Until.. Children happened. Children were brutal. 

Dipper turned to glare at the posse of children watching them leave. “Yeah, until they decided not to mind their own business.” ..Defensive, much? He looked like he was going to kill those kids if Ford glanced away from him.

Then he’d end up in jail, and he wouldn’t see him for a long time.. 

On some strange instinct he didn’t remember having, he reached up and tapped his fingers against his own cheek. One at a time in a very controlled gesture. “It’s okay, Dipper,” he mumbled, “really. Don’t go and give them a piece of your mind. It isn’t worth it.”

“I wasn’t going to, I was kinda just gonna stare in disdain at them until they’re out of my line of sight.” Dipper replied, turning his head to keep looking even as they were starting to put some distance between themselves and the playground.

How cute, his nephew had inherited his pettiness. He pulled his fingers away from his cheek, looked at them for a moment, then slipped his hand into his pocket. “..Unrelated, but have I had these sorts of.. Tics, before?” 

“Like, the stims?” Mabel piped up, pointing to his cheek. When Ford nodded she continued. “I don’t think so..”

Dipper shook his head with a nudge to his sister’s elbow. “He totally has, it’s just subtle.”

Really? Ford wasn’t expecting that. That was interesting. Now he had to know. “Like what?” What did he do that he didn’t notice, but other people did?

“Uh,” glancing up, Dipper wracked his brain for examples. “You spin pens, tap your fingers against things..” He pulled his hands toward his chest, letting them hang loosely. “The velociraptor thing– you’ve definitely done that once or twice.” His hands dropped to his sides. “Not to mention, like, fidgeting. You do this weird thing with your dice all the time,” he wiggled his fingers as if imitating the gesture, “I have no idea how you do it.”

How did he do things frequently enough for Dipper to notice, while still not noticing them at all? His eyes narrowed, and he tapped his chin.

“You’re doing it again.”

Damnit.

[leoruby-draws]

Decided to post some more random, mostly minor characters from the DC universe, mostly ones that seemed they would be fun to draw. I guess technically these drawings are all based in my TrWh au, as always. Here they are:

Wanted to draw heroes with wings, I draw Vanessa quite a bit so I had to learn wings and feathers. Still working on it, but its fun. You can see Vanessa there at the bottom middle, looking a little menacing.

The girl with red wings is called...Redwing aka Carrie Levine. I thought she was a sweet kid, so her ultimate fate was pretty sad. Wonder if she'll come back to continuity at some point.

The guy with the mohawk is Northwind aka Norda Cantrell, part of Infinity Inc the earth 2 version of a Teen Titans group. He honestly didn't get a whole lot of focus in Infinity Inc, like the writer didn't know what to do with him. Maybe they should've made him into the magic fighter of the group, almost felt like thats what they were going for him before they wrote him off.

The girl in yellow is Dawnstar, part of the Legion of Superheroes. I haven't read much of LoSH, mostly some 90's issues. But her design is soooo pretty I had to draw her, her costume here is a mix of her various outfits.

Lastly, here's Bluejay aka Jay Abrams again, part of Justice League Europe. Kinda thought JLE was a bit of a letdown, I mean the team's made up of mostly americans not europeans! I think Crimson Fox was the only european, I thought her set-up of being two people was cool.

Little extra Infinity doodle, here's Hector Hall (Silver Scarab) hating on poor Norda, with Lyta Trevor (Fury) looking on with confusion. Hector's just a hater (tho there's reasons for it ig), an archetype you see sometimes in some superhero groups, like Roy Harper or Guy Gardner. The plot-line of Hector's resentment of Norda was kinda interesting, but like with most things in Infinity it didn't get the focus it should've gotten. Speaking of Infinity, here's some more doodles:

There's Rex Tyler (Hourman 1) with little Rick Tyler (Hourman 2), enjoying some father-son time. Apparently Rick's first costume isn't well liked (so says reddit). I thought it seemed cute but maybe it works better as a kid's or sidekick's kinda costume?

In the middle is Jack Knight (Starman) suffering as he interacts with Sylvester Pemberton (Skyman, formerly the Star-Spangled Kid) and Courtney Whitmore (Stargirl, actually she should still be S-SK but whatever). In my au he actually joins Infinity Inc, since everyone becomes heroes earlier he's actually around when the team's still running. I suspect his dad (Ted Knight) forced him into it. Also Courtney doesn't respect Jack at all, he's so annoyed at this. Look at her mini-staff, I presume Ted made it for her.

Also there's Beth Chapel (Dr. Mid-Nite) and Jesse Chambers (Jesse Quick) looking cool. Jesse also joins Infinity Inc in my au, will there be a love triangle going on between Beth, Rick and Jesse? Don't think Rick's gonna survive that, aw well.

Look at baby Jade and Obsidian, Alan is overwhelmed by their antics.

In another post someone asked if I could draw more of the Relative Heroes, a super obscure hero group. So @draculaura1660, this one's for you. Here they are:

I kinda had a hard time drawing this group, cuz their costumes are so complicated! I wished there was a reference/concept art for them cuz it was a struggle trying to figure out the details, the comic art did not help matters at all. You might have noticed I changed details anyways, I tend to simplify costumes for my au both to make it easier to draw and also to signify their younger ages. It's just fun to play around with costume design ig.

Some more characters!

Jinx, who looks very different between her comic and cartoon self. I did like her pink hair, so decide to see how it would look on her comic self. There's Kole, who also has different designs in comic/cartoons. I think her comic costume is so cool, esp that color pallet! But I love her pink hair in the cartoon, so she's got pink hair here! Just like pink hair a lot lol.

The other pink haired girl is Laethwen, love interest of Ray Palmer in Sword of the Atom. I think I made her hair more pink to better differentiate her from Starfire, also, again I just like pink hair. I wished she and her little kingdom didn't die, in my au Ray saves them! Maybe he relocates them to his backyard or something?

Little Donna and Vanessa doodle, did you know they never once interacted on panel? The closest is when Donna brings her stepsister Cindy to talk to Vanessa instead. I wonder how they would even interact, I know Vanessa wanted to be wonder girl (and resented Cassie for 'taking' it from her). Did she look up to Donna, or wanted her out of the way? Funnily enough Donna wasn't even Diana's sidekick when post-crisis started, due to both their origins being reworked and contradicting each other's timelines. It's all very confusing.

Anyways, some bonus doodles:

Had fun making a new outfit for Laethwen, I imagine she took some inspiration from indigenous groups from the Amazon, seeing as that's where her people crashed into.

Kole's costume is just so beautiful but so complicated, maybe that's why she got killed off so soon in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Lastly, here's Bette bugging Dick with Barbara being super amused about it. I said in my post about her that I didn't really care about her crush on Robin, which is true, but I still wanted to doodle something making fun of it. Poor Dick is doesn't know how to get outta of this social situation.

Well that was a lot, hope you liked all that.

[starvember-moved]

roadtrip with the dunne family !!

it’s the end of summer, start of fall. camila and billy were invited back hom to Pittsburgh to visit their family. they weren't planning on taking daisy or karen, but daisy throws such a fit that they actually give in.

even karen got a little fussy the night they broke the news. she got real quiet and refused to talk to either of them — her little arms crossed over her chest with a pout on her face, her dragon stuffie clutched in her hands.

mama mila hates to see her babies so upset, and papa billy doesnt like it either. it's actually billys idea to bring the two — as stubborn as he is, karen and daisy are his kiddos, and he might be more wrapped than camila.

at bedtime, mama mila goes to tuck the kiddos into bed, and as she sits on the bed, billy comes in.

“oh, there's my favorite girls. are we all tuckered out from pouting? mhm, it seems that way, don't it, mama?”

and billy gives everyone, including cami, a kiss on their heads. he sits on the other side and says,

“guess what? ive got you two tickets. you're gonna come with me and mama to pittsburgh.”

all that hard work cami's done in calming daisy down is instantly reversed, which also gets karen excited.

a week later and two overlays later, billy decides the best course of action is to rent a car. he loads all their suitcases in the back and helps cami repack the kiddos carry ons so theyve got more fun things to do.

a few hours into the trip, billy realizes that maybe he shouldve waited the delays out.

karen's already gone through half of her sticker book even though both him and mama told her to use paper only. there's stickers all over the window and seat and a few on her pad of paper.

daisy keeps asking if theyre there yet, and being that theyre somewhere in the middle of the midwest and just left, billy accidentally snaps and tells her to ‘take a guess’

karen's babbling in the backseat immediately stops and daisy goes still as her eyes well up with tears. billy immediately feels awful, but there's not a lot he can do to remedy the situation.

camila turns and reaches into the back seat, shushing daisy before her whimpers turn into full cries.

‘it's okay, little duck, papa's just frustrated. you know how you feel icky sometimes? that's how papa's feeling. trying to keep you and ren safe so we can have fun.’

daisy grabs cami's hand and doesnt turn loose, and before she knows it, she's climbing into the backseat between her two kiddos.

‘i'll sit with you for a little bit, okay?’

and within five minutes, all three of them are asleep. cami's got both girls tucked under her arms, and the car is quiet.

billy decides there's really no need to rush the trip. theyre in the beautiful mountains with stretches of waterfalls and wildlife. while they sleep, billy finds a spot and pulls off. it's just outside a small town, and its almost dark anyways, so they'll have to stop.

he sets up a picnic with food he stopped and got food (a miracle no one woke up when he got out of the car).

“hey, girls. did you sleep good? ive got a surprise. come look.”

daisy perks up faster than camila and karen, and shes blearily trying to get out of the car. billy helps daisy unbuckle her seat belt while camila helps karen.

when they get out, theyre near a pretty waterfall and bill's got all sorts of stuff set up. karen’s sticker books, daisy's coloring books, cami's camera. even their stuffies are sitting on the blanket waiting for them.

“papa this s'nice.” daisy says, rubbing her eyes. she gives billy a huge hug. “i loves it!”

karen tugs on billy's shirt and shyly says ‘thank you, papa’

they sit together and have supper, and while the girls play and get out their pent up energy, cami tells billy she loves him.

“look how happy our girls are. theyre gonna need a bath — i think daisy might be eating the chalk. duckling, out of your mouth.”

“or papa's gonna put it up, okay? on the sidewalk, not your mouth.”

the drive to pittsburgh takes way longer than it probably should. they stop somewhere every night and have supper outside while karen and daisy play. then they go get a hotel and camila gets them ready for bed.

it’s almost a little sad when they get there, and karen asks billy one night if they can drive back home.

‘s'fun. no flying. we drive home, papa? please?’

and theres no way billy can say no. not when karen asks so sweetly. he kisses her head and tucks the covers under her

‘sure we can, monkey. we'll drive home.’

then daisy comes in and jumps into bed next to karen. billy kisses her head and tells her night night, before leaving cami to let them do their bedtime routine.

[leslie057]

penbleed;

pairings: jonathan/nancy

rating: light teen (swearing + mild sex references)

word count: 2.4k (chapter 1)

read on ao3

@jancyweeks day 1: history - her diary as a personal history + a bonus history test incident

𝒩𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 16, 1984

—

𝑀𝓎 𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓌. Actually, how do you forget an exam? Actually. How did I forget? And it’s not even that I forgot, it’s that I never knew. I am still so mad but not as mad as I was. Genuinely have no clue why we were not given verbal reminders for that history test. That stupid little secret of a test, that fucking sub rosa fucking social experiment of a thing to see who looks at her minuscule writing under the date on the board every day! Just tell us. Need it. Out loud. This is crazy arrogant and borderline disgusting of me to say, but she doesn't have a better student than me and I deserved better. It was like a setup. Of course I was taking notes, of course I was listening, of course a lot of it was prior knowledge. It’s the history of America and I’m not an idiot. I just thought a test would be coming up after the break, not before.

I mean it’s all been worked out now, though. 

But it makes me upset, because where was my head? No, I know where it was, my head was here with me. I was simply using it for its escape function. Wild how my ears can be turned on, and my pen will be going and going and going in perfect time with the lesson, but mentally I’m reliving whatever I want to relive. Or don’t want to relive. I’ve been like this since last year. Stuck inside my skull and cannot climb out. Don’t wanna climb out because sometimes I need to be there, it’s nice in there. Sometimes not nice. I brought this up to Jonathan, he said yes he does understand. Shocker. The difference is he’s been in his head for the last sixteen years, and he doesn’t continually think all the awful things that I think. He’s good and decent and he’s sweet and he’s built a strange, adorable habitat up there for song lyrics and checklists and worries. He does so much in one day. I don’t love his work schedule. Working on Friday nights, God. Then at home he does, like, budgeting and reads their bills and shit? I wouldn’t have time to steep in hate for Mrs. Kincannon, either. (He doesn’t hate her. That’s me.) Not that he’s dealing with his trauma or whatever, our trauma, I don’t know, he isn’t. Still, because his many responsibilities burn up the majority of his mental energy, he doesn’t seem to follow the spirals I follow. At least not when the sun's out. He’s a dramatic pessimist, my dramatic pessimist, oh that was fun to write, but I would assume his internal voice has more of a filter mechanism than mine. Could be a self-preservation thing. 

Who knows. But, yeah, neurogymnastics. Neurogymnastics to get me through my day. Each week is a series of extreme highs and extreme lows, lows that I just administer my fantasies to until something new happens. It’s good in the moment. Later I realize that I’ve missed things, spaced out, fell short, and I get all guilty. I feel hypocritical. I’ve fought for my life, why am I not training myself to live it well again. I’m rushing through things because they’re hard. I want to be successful, and this is not the path to success. The pressure is off me and yet all over me. Maybe I shouldn’t care about school, knowing what I know about the flimsiness of this dimension’s edges. Sounds clinically insane. Not ever going to be sure what to do with the fact that I’ve seen a parallel plane, that I was really there. I wish I didn’t care about school. I do care less about it than I did freshman and sophomore year. My grades are forever important to me, but there’s currently a big disconnect between my habits and my academic goals. When I’m at school, I fantasize about it being over. When I’ve set aside time to work, I can’t get through it and I go to my boyfriend. Maybe I am a bad student. Right now. I am. Hard to care about history since I’ve got a lot I would rather focus on. So, right, there are a lot of coercive acts I could be learning about if my teacher calmed down and gave me free time to coerce him. Sorry. 

I cannot stop thinking about what I was able to 

How he knew about the test is beyond me. He’s missed more days, he’s had more distractions, he’s more susceptible to distractions, and to top everything off he’s on possession watch. You know, just making those frequent check-ins with Will. I don’t know what that would look like. I guess you just ask him how he’s feeling, try to gauge the honesty. I would never ever say this but it seems likely to me that Will is still being…communicated with. Accessed. Scary sounds in his ears or something. Sensations. It’s not like he’d say anything! He’s like this meek little mouse, he could actively be experiencing organ rupture and wouldn’t make a sound. This is terrible, but being at their house does scare me every now and then. In a ticking time bomb sort of way. Is their family not kind of cursed? Then I get kissed and forget where I am anyway, so nothing matters. No complaints overall, it is a very nice place for a slumber party. 

My reaction last night was the most embarrassing. How I went from zero to a hundred that fast, how we went from squeaky bed springs and my proposed hickey competition (hate that this is in writing now, but context needed—also I was in a competitive mood yesterday) (he was not) to me whining and crying and essentially hyperventilating because I didn’t understand why he would mention a test when we didn’t have a test. I hate my emotions being played with and all of that bullshit. For some reason I’ve always been on the receiving end of that haven’t I? With boys in our class. Middle school, junior high, that kind of timeframe. At one point I could have convinced myself I was being flirted with. It’s a no, because “all statements.” All pines are conifers, but not all conifers are pines. So all interested boys will tease, but not all the boys that tease are interested. They really were just that eager to let me know my body wasn’t up to par for our age bracket. Pal, are we not eleven and twelve. I cannot be Catwoman for you.

I’m told I’m pretty now, so I’ll count it as a win. 

Anyway, Jonathan was not playing with my emotions, and we did have a test. We did. When my panic set in, it was bad. The pressure was building up in my chest, I thought I was in danger of dry drowning. My GPA is literally the only thing I ever feel in control of. In my arms were two options, have an absolutely miserable fucking Thursday night or risk baby’s first F on her transcript. But then he just looked at me, calm as ever, and said, “Why can’t you ask for an extension? I want you to ask her for an extension, okay?” Which I should have come up with on my own. I don’t know why, but hearing him say that was like. Insane. Made everything feel lighter, light as a feather. He doesn’t do this for himself, but for me—he zooms out, he figures out a way to make things less daunting. He can be so positive when it's a problem of mine on the table instead of his, and I'm like who are you, I love you. I usually have no problem cheating systems, swinging things in a way that's better for me, but requesting an extension? My pride lies in academics, I'm aware of that, I don’t often ask for help there. Want to accomplish things without accommodations being made for me. Meanwhile, school stuff is some of the only stuff Jonathan is willing to seek out help with. He has to. He can't afford to not get help. Not like he can spend an entire evening on one little section of an assignment when he needs to be clocked in at work for five hours. In conclusion, he talks to our instructors more than our peers. I have to respect a teacher's pet.

So, I took his advice. However tricky extensions may be. Kincannon is also tricky. Her iron will and everything. You’re not gonna get one if you always ask. You’re not gonna get one if you haven’t already established yourself as a trustworthy kid. You’re not gonna get one for being an athlete. I wasn’t convinced of the plan at first since she dress coded my mid-thigh skirt last week and had to tell me, on a few occasions, to stop chatting with/distracting my boyfriend. Him being in the picture was so in my favor, though, because he seriously might be her favorite. Personally I wanna say it’s gross; it makes her feel good about herself to cosset sensitive, troubled teens that she wouldn’t give a shit about otherwise. Like, you’re not his mommy, but I’m way off topic. 

We got up incredibly early this morning. We made her a tiny consolation coffee with cream and cinnamon, pulled up at 6:25 I want to say it was? And the conversation was ace. He had messed up my hair a little to hint at a sleepless night, coached me on how to look pitiful when we were in the car. I really hope I didn’t mishear him mumble something about puppy eyes. He was very tired. I stayed as honest as possible, that’s what he wanted from me. I told her I was having a rough time, that grief keeps getting in my way of things. I talked to her about my selective hearing issue. I said I’m an oral learner, I needed verbal reminders, and I said school means so much to me. Hesitantly I pointed out that Jonathan and I are still getting used to our new relationship, and maybe if our assigned seats were adjacent I wouldn't have to get up to talk to him. She was slightly passive-aggressive, but she was understanding. Then I found out I would be testing Monday. New test, just for me. There was something so ridiculous and fun about sitting in class this morning, reading while everyone else suffered. After, I couldn’t stop apologizing to Jonathan for freaking out. He said I didn’t freak out, I reacted, and he suggested I go easier on myself. That distinction felt huge, really huge. 

Right now, I'm desperate to preserve that feeling of lightness, but I’m mad at myself and furious in general. In hindsight I should have savored being comforted a little more, but I was busy having half a meltdown. I’m sure I’ll get to hear one of those soft pep talks the next time something doesn’t go my way. I have so much studying to do, especially since my Special Nancy Test is all writing. I’ve got it, though. I’m fine. Angry but also happy and fine. This will never happen again. I won’t let it happen again.

—

“Uh oh,” Jonathan suddenly murmurs to himself on her bed. 

She swivels at her small desk, not fully ready to turn her attention away from her entry. “Hmm?”

“Sorry, no, you can keep writing.” 

“But why uh oh?”

There's his gentle huff, his eyes flicking upward in annoyance. He holds a necklace she'd tasked him with untangling using tweezers. Its old, delicate chain was in no less than six billion knots. Somehow he’s the only one in the world who has the patience for this. She sure as hell doesn't have the patience for it. "I'm scared I'm about to break it." 

“Break it? Please don’t Jonathan,” she begs on impulse.

“It’s just really far gone. I’m trying.”

And he is. He’s been sitting quietly for as long as she’s been writing. So—long time. She sort of forgot about him over there. “Sorry, I know, I know you are," she says.

He’s silent. 

“You’ve been cleaning up a lot of my messes lately, huh?”

She flips over her journal, nudges it away from the table’s edge, and approaches him. From her desk she couldn’t see the glow of afternoon sunlight streaming onto her quilt. Very pretty. Her personal jewelry surgeon sits there in the middle, equally pretty, possibly feeling neglected. He’s gone the full nine yards here. Pushed up his sweater sleeves, swiped her reading glasses, set out a few safety pins and needles as his supplementary tools. He looks sleepy, the brown of his eyes lighter in the path of the sun. 

Her arms are behind her back until they’re not, and she crawls on top of him. He absently places the necklace on her flattest throw pillow. 

“I said you’re fixing a lot of my messes.”

“I mean…not really.” He’s blushing already, hands awkwardly grasping for purchase at her hips so that he won't get pressed back too hard into the poles of her bed frame's headboard. “If I am, I don’t mind.”

Her lips cushion against this little spot on his jaw that’s so sensitive it kills him, sucking carefully. The action might have the same effect on her that it does him; her heart jumps, swings wide, threatens to capsize in the wet of her chest. It’s that familiar adrenaline response, the uncontrollable energy spike she always gets alongside the realization of oh, we’re touching! She sighs into his skin, and he shudders, a pathetic sound of bliss escaping his throat.

“Okay, well don't start drooling,” she quips. Kisses his pulse point, spittily.

He mumbles something unintelligible, so she keeps on keeping on, shifting her weight back and forth, trying to make the most of the time they have and get some good play in while she can. She’ll have to kick him out soon. She’ll have to study in complete isolation. She dips back, and he follows, she leans forward, and he pulls her closer. “Said I need an extension,” he manages, repeating what she didn’t catch.

“What?”

“If you’re gonna do all this, I need an extension on my necklace project.”

Well, that is definitely going in the diary.