#i know it's my fault and I'm self sabotaging but i give my all to all my friends and even when I'm putting all the work into the friendship

[nameforthemain]

mini vent so I can sleep

[mochinomnoms]

jade tries to get his pearl PTM to join mountain lovers club, and tries to appear all suave and cool but instead floyd ruins it

"i found these beautiful mushrooms in the forest, would you like to join me, i'll need a hand collecting them for my terrarium"

"yeah maybe after jade will put you in a terrarium, shrimpy"

to get revenge jade helps riddle hide from floyd and these antics continue, until riddle and yuu are found at the same time drinking tea in the heartslaybul garden and the twins make a truce instead of ruining it more

Jade and Floyd do love each other dearly, they're brothers after all, twins at that! And family is the most important thing!

However they also fucking hate each other in a way that only two close siblings could. They can also plan each other's murders in a way that isn't concerning because they are siblings.

But murder is illegal, being annoying isn't though! A skill that both are excellent at.

So Jade is happy to tip Riddle of everytime Floyd is on his way. Though he's not his keeper, he knows his brother like no one else, and almost has a sixth sense of where he is.

“Hey Jade, where's my Goldfishie?” Floyd had a pout as he looked around the classroom. He'd just seen Bluebottle walk out, so he knew that Jade was meeting with him and Shrimpy for his potions project.

“Oh, Riddle left already.” Jade was peacefully cleaning up his notes, tucking loose papers into his folder and closing his notebook. “He was in quite a rush when I mentioned that you'd planned on stopping by.”

Floyd's head snapped over to his brother, eye twitching at Jade's self satisfying smirk.

“...And why'd ya do that?”

Jade cleaned up the rest of the table, tucking his items under his arm. As he towards the door, he passed by his brother, leaning in and giving Floyd a rare, evil grin.

“Payback.”

“Oh, fuck you asshole, that's how you wanna play it huh?” Floyd hissed, jabbing a finger into Jade's chest. “Too can play at that.”

And thus, led to just about a week of the twins sabotaging each other's attempts to get closer to their desired mates.

Jade had been overly 'helpful' with Riddle, tipping him off to an incoming Floyd or coming over to 'talk' with his brother, giving Riddle a moment to escape. He'd even gotten Tony involved, though the little sharkmer wasn't privy as to why Jade had asked him to hang out with Floyd more often.

In Floyd's case, he'd taken time out of his day to interrupt any private moments between you and Jade. Floyd was delighted in talking up a storm with you, slipping in little insults at his brother while at it, much to your confusion. In retaliation to getting others involved in their spat, Floyd decided to bring along Wynfred, which got Jade immensely irked.

It's not until the two are walking within the rose maze, searching for both of their mates, that they finally come to an understanding.

“I haven't seen my Goldfishie all week, and it's your fault!”

“I could say the same to you, every time I manage to get a moment's of peace between us, you come and disrupt the entire thing.”

“That's not the same! You still get to see them, I haven't even managed to take a look at his red hair all week! I'm gonna forget what the color looks like Jade! I'm gonna forget unless I see Goldfishie right now!

“Hmph, I hardly doubt that'll happen. Speaking of, where are our mates?” Jade sighed, peaking around the corner to see a dead end. “They said that the two were having tea in the maze, but I can't even hear their voices.”

Floyd paused, taking a moment to go on his toes and peer over the hedged.

“Hmm...I can't tell, Goldfishie has this rose perfume, but everything around here smells like roses.”

Floyd wrinkled his nose before moving to look at the other hedge, as Jade looked down the other pathway, huffing at the unending paths and walls.

“Oh! I see them!” Jade turned back around to see Floyd halfway over the wall, hissing as he dug his palm into a thorn. “Ow! Geez, stupid flowers.”

Hopping off with a 'hup!', Floyd jogged down the path past Jade, a blissful smile on his face.

“I'm coming Goldfishe~” Jade followed after, snorting at the giggles leaving his brother's mouth.

Jade smiled, despite himself. It was always nice to see his twin happy. He used to make fun of his enamor for Riddle, but after you came around, he's begun to understand why Floyd was the way he was around Riddle.

Floyd stopped, peeking over the corner with a grin, which promptly disappeared. Jade furrowed his brows, speeding over to sneak a look at what made Floyd upset, though it really could be anything.

Though, he had to give Floyd credit, he could see why he was upset.

You sat next to Riddle in a small clearing with a table set, drinking tea and chattering. Based on how Riddle was smiling and laughing, Floyd was probably jealous.

“...not fair.”

Jade looked at Floyd and tilted his head. “Hmm?”

“Is not fair, why does Shrimpy get to make him laugh?” Floyd's frown grew as he pouted. “He never wants to laugh with me!”

Looking back at the pair, Jade felt his chest tighten at the scene. You looked so carefree and bright, like the sun shining through the waves. Floyd was right, it was unfair that you two never shared these sides of you with them.

“You're right, it's quite unfair. Why don't we go and try to get those cute reactions ourselves? I'll make sure Riddle doesn't run off, and you'll do the same with my pearl.”

Floyd grinned, giggling as and offered a hand.

“A truce?”

“A truce.”

The two shook on it emerging from their hiding spot and, rather loudly mind you, announcing:

“Oh Goldfishie~/My Pearl!”

If you were to ask the students of Heartslabyul, they'd say that yours and Riddle's screams of terror could be heard from all over the dorm.

[love-byers]

(warning: long)

we should talk more about mikes choice of words in the rink o mania fight, or rather the writers choice of words

"You basically sabotaged the whole day!!"

sabotage

in case you need a reminder of what sabotage means

deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct

mike is not just saying will was being a douche for moping, rolling his eyes, and barely talking. he's saying wills a douche because he's doing it on purpose. not even just on purpose either, he's saying will planned this. will wanted to ruin the day. mike thinks will was out to get him by withholding his friendship. obviously will wasn't doing any of this, he just moped because he felt brushed off by mike and was ignored (or so he thought).

that kind of behavior, thinking the consequences of his own actions are a planned attack against him, is very consistent with the way he acted in s3 when el dumped him and he blamed it on max.

we can connect this directly to mike's apology where he calls himself a self-pitying idiot. the self-pity is mike allowing himself to believe it's not his fault that his day sucked, that it's not his fault will is acting this way. deep down he knows it's his own fault by purposefully brushing will off at the airport, but he was being so self-absorbed and self-pitying that he convinced himself it wasn't.

"why is this on me?? why am i the bad guy??"

so lets go through this again, inferring from mike's own words.

when will left hawkins, he felt weird. he'd just spent the whole summer trying to be grown up and acting like he didn't care about dnd anymore, shutting will down and really hurting him in the process, so he probably feels embarrassed that he now feels the exact opposite. he enjoyed spending time with max, lucas, and dustin but it just wasn't the same without will. he missed will so badly that the fact that will was barely reaching out got to his head, and he felt too insecure to find out for himself. he didn't know if will felt the same way or if he was doing fine without mike, making lots of new friends and enjoying life. he was afraid he'd lost will. then here comes el with her letters saying how life is awesome and they have lots of friends. mike probably thought, oh now i'm DEFINITELY not telling him how i feel. the letter about will potentially liking a girl was the final straw. wow. so he's occupied with some girl and thats why he won't talk to me. so now mikes determined to not give will an inkling of an idea that he's bothered or that he cares. psh, mike could care less. maybe when will sees that mike totally doesn't care he'll feel like he screwed up and he'll be super nice to compensate and win mike back.

so mike gets to lenora and hey, will, i totally don't care about seeing you, see how i dodged your hug? i don't care. then he sees the painting. maybe it's not for someone he likes, maybe it's for me. here you go will, opportunity one to win back my affection.

"Uh, what's that?"

"Um, it's nothing, it's just this painting I've been working on."

"Cool."

operation-act like i don't care: EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR FAILED.

LOOK at his face bro. he looks heartbroken.

from here on mike just got more and more annoyed. will isn't trying to win him back, he isn't compensating for the months of silence. he's acting sad. he's acting sad? he has the audacity to act sad after he made all these friends and left me behind?? no, this is not my fault, this is not on me. it gets under his skin in a way he can't ignore. those feelings of guilt and annoyance that will is causing mixed with his months worth of self pity and convincing himself he's not the problem leads him to another thought. he's doing this on purpose. he's punishing me. this was his plan all along. he's trying to ruin my day for no reason, because i clearly didn't do anything to deserve this.

then angela shows up and humiliates el and mike, for some insane reason, uses this as an excuse to express his anger to will, even though it had literally nothing to do with will.

"You should've told me she was having trouble."

"Well, I didn't know they were gonna be here, Mike."

"Yeah, but you knew she was having trouble for like a year and didn't tell me."

in WHAT world is this will's fault?? he had absolutely no idea el was lying until that day. and mike is blaming him? no, he's really not, he just wants a reason to express his anger without having to admit why he's angry.

"Well, I didn't know she was lying to you."

"Is that why you decided to be a douche to her all day?"

her. he's hiding behind el's name. psh, what? i don't care that you weren't talking to me, it's because of el.

el just got publicly humiliated and mike thinks now is the time to get on will and act like el's biggest problem was will not talking to her?? no way. he just doesn't want will to know that these are his feelings.

"I wasn't being a douche!"

this completely sets mike off. how dare will act all innocent after what he did to me all day? any part of him that was trying to hide that will's behavior is bothering him has been completely overridden. will purposefully withholding his attention from mike has pissed him off soooooo badly that he can't keep it to himself anymore or hide behind el.

"You were! You were! You were rolling your eyes, you were moping, you were barely talking you basically sabotaged the whole day!"

yup, thats right will. i know exactly what you're doing and i'm calling you out on it.

"Well she was lying to you, Mike! Straight to your face ever since you got here! And...and I've been a total third wheel all day it's been miserable. So sorry if I wasn't...if i wasn't smiling."

third wheel? really?

"Yeah, whatever man."

"Well what about us?"

"What?"

i imagine this is where mike shits himself. i mean he literally stops in his tracks. will is directly addressing what he'd been trying to hide his care for the whole time, them. all of a sudden after all these months, he cares about us? and it's poking at that weird feeling he had, like he missed will too much. like he was feeling too much.

"What, you're mad that I didn't talk to you? Seems like you've made it super clear you're not interested in anything I have to say."

"That's just not true."

mike says that so fast it's like a knee-jerk reaction. of course he cares what will has to say. all he's wanted all day, and all this time for that matter, was for will to talk to him. and will is blaming him?

"You called maybe a couple times. It's been a year, Mike. Meanwhile El has like a book of letters from you."

now mike's defense is kicking in. he feels like will is directly picking at that feeling. the weirdness. the fact that he feels differently for will than the rest of his friends, even his girlfriend.

"That's because she's my girlfriend, Will!"

"And us?"

now the alarms are going off. he knows something. "us" for will in this moment is just their friendship. "us" for mike is something more, because that's what's been brewing in him the whole time they've been apart. internalized homophobia in 3..2..

"We're friends! We're. Friends."

"Well, we used to be best friends!"

oh. he was just talking about our friendship. i was tweaking a little bit. and...ouch. will just officially said they aren't best friends anymore. and he's blaming it on mike. but mikes defenses are still up high.

"Well...well maybe you should've reached out more, I don't know! But why is this on me? Why am I the bad guy?!"

then will is lost for words, and he just look sad. and as mad as mike is, he hates seeing will that way.

i imagine the day or two between this and his apology, mike went over this fight in his mind multiple times. and the more he thought about it, the more he realizes, ah shit. i was way too in my head and this was completely one sided. will wasn't plotting against me, i just felt so bad for myself i convinced myself i did nothing wrong. all this because i thought he found new friends and i felt bad for myself. and now i've lost my best friend and made him feel like all of it is his fault. i have to let him know it's all on me.

tldr: mike is weird and gay.

[whiskey-bumblebee]

Hey, hope you're doing good today 🤠 dbf!Hotch who notices reader "having trouble with her car" and he helps her? She's more than capable of doing it herself, but she just wanted a reason for Hotch to come over while her parents were away. She may or may not have self sabotaged it to get him over there shirtless in the blazing sun, offering a dip in the pool as repayment, but hinting at more 👁️🫦👁️ i hope that makes sense lol

I LOVE THIS IDEA! thank you bestie <3 get ready to meet the smartest bimbo ever

Uptown Girl

Pairing: dbf!Aaron Hotchner/Reader (gender neutral!)

Word Count: 1695

Warnings: Innuendo, dbf!hotch (reader is an adult), brief mention of reader's parents (vague but they are Rich).

Tagging: @ssamorganhotchner @hotchsdoormat i think you two will like this <3

You can't hold back a smile as you dial Aaron's number from your parent's house phone. You twirl the cable around your finger as you glance around the freshly cleaned kitchen. There's a chilled bottle of San Pellegrino on the counter, the glass sweating from the heat. It's so quiet that you can hear birds outside, no doubt eating some fallen fruit from the trees outside the kitchen.

"Hello, Aaron Hotchner speaking."

"Hey Aaron Hotchner speaking," you tease. "My car won't start. I know it's your first weekend off for a while, but is there any chance you could come over and help me fix it?"

"Hmm," He says playfully. "And how do I know this isn't some elaborate ploy to spend time with me?"

"Come see for yourself," You reply, smiling. "It just won't start."

"Mhm," He agrees, and you can hear the humour in his tone. "And I suppose you can't just use daddy's Bentley?"

"Daddy doesn't drive a Bentley," You reply seamlessly.

Aaron's stumped for a second, and the line goes silent. "I thought he just bought a new one? A silver Continental?"

"Daddy drives a black Chevy Suburban," You say. (A/N: non-car besties: this is hotch's car <3)

Hotch clears his throat. "Baby, you can't just call me that."

"Aaron, please?" The playfulness has dropped out of your voice. "My car really won't start, and I'm supposed to meet my friend for tennis this afternoon."

"Of course," He replies. "Sorry, I thought you were just trying to convince me to come over."

"Would it be so terrible if I was?"

You feel a pat of guilt seep into your stomach, wondering if Aaron really did have more important things to do than attend to your car trouble.

"No," He adds, quickly. "I'd love to see you. Are you home alone?"

"My parents are in the Seychelles."

"Ah. So not home for dinner, I take it?"

You shake your head out of habit, then say no.

_______

When Aaron's black Chevy pulls up into your driveway, you come out onto the balcony and wave, then rush down the stairs to meet him. Sure enough, he sees your Corvette parked next to your dad's silver Continental.

"So you do have the Bentley," He teases, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist.

You kiss both his cheeks. "It's so good to see you."

"Well, you know why it's been so long," He sighs, caressing your cheek.

You look him over, his casual outfit throwing you off a little: dark blue Lacoste polo, straight-leg jeans, New Balance 574s. It was so different from his typical suit and tie, more dangerous somehow. Where you normally saw yourself as a paramour, sneaking in moments after work with your suit-clad lover, this felt more... ordinary. Like he was picking you up for a day of shopping, or to travel down to the yacht club. Like he might join you for tennis later. You tried to push the thought out of your mind, and to quell the fondness blooming in your chest.

"New York called, and I had to answer," You reply airily. "And you've been busy on cases, so it's not all my fault." You poke him squarely in the chest, and he smiles at the gesture.

"Alright, where's this car trouble you were telling me about?"

You lead him over to the spacious garage.

You slip into the driver's seat and turn the key. The car gives a few revs, then falls back into silence. You do it again for good measure.

"Let me try," Aaron says, leaning through the window.

He reaches into the car, turning the key himself. Sure enough, it doesn't start.

"Does your dad keep a set of car tools around in here somewhere?" He looks around.

You roll your eyes. "I have a set. I might be young and beautiful and wealthy, and young, and wealthy, and beautiful," You emphasize the repeated words, giving him a pointed look. "-but I'm not completely incompetent."

"Of course not, honey," He coos soothingly. "Are they in the back?"

You nod.

He walks around your car, and you watch him go in the side mirror, enjoying your view of his cute little ass in those jeans.

You hear his typical high laughter as he finds the tool set. When he walks around to the driver's side again, you smile innocently.

"What?"

He nods for you to get out, and holds up your tool set.

"The Swarovski crystals are a nice touch," He laughs. "And the pink."

"What? I can't have a cute little tool set to go with my cute little car?"

He rolls his eyes at you, but his grin tells you it's not with any real menace.

You hop out of the car and open the hood, leaning in just enough that you know your shorts will be showing off your assets.

"It's hot," You mention innocuously, and pull off your tank top, tossing it aside without looking back at him.

You hear Hotch take a deep inhale from directly behind you. "It is," he replies.

When you turn around, he's taken his own shirt off. There's just a small patch of chest hair, but the droplets of sweat are just glowing. He's as fit as ever, and you can't help yourself, you reach out and touch his chest.

"What are you doing?" He murmurs. "What about the neighbours?"

You pull away then, and look from side to side. "Aaron, do you seriously think we're close enough to any other houses that anyone will be able to see anything? It's like your place," You say, starting to run your hands down his abdomen. "And I'm sure you remember all of the mischief we..."

"4th of July weekend," He finishes. "I remember."

"You normally don't need much convincing," You say softly. "Is everything okay?"

He nods. "I'm just focused on trying to fix your car so you can go to tennis later. I promise, if we had a bit more time, I'd be all over you."

You smile at that. "Do you have time?"

Aaron leans in and nips at your earlobe. "I would've invited you over today to catch up. I was trying to come up with an excuse," He kisses your neck, "-when you called."

You catch his jaw in your hand and glance at his lips until you're sure he's caught you looking. His lips part, and his breathing turns slow and deep. That's all the encouragement you need, and you kiss him.

Your lips are soft and slow against his own. Immediately, his hands settle on your hips, ever the gentleman, not wanting to go straight for your ass. He does, however, nudge your legs apart so he can slot his thigh between them.

Whining softly, you rub yourself against his thigh.

"Can I be honest?" You gasp as he angles his knee just right, sending hot pleasure through your veins.

"Go ahead," He says coolly.

"I broke the car just so I could watch you come and fix it," You whisper.

Aaron smiles at the fact that you were also trying to come up with some excuse to see him, then his expression lapses into one of sympathy. "Oh, baby. You could've just called. You know I'll come running."

You press your face into his neck, embarrassed by how desperate you were to see him. It wasn't the fact that you wanted him that worried you. Any reasonable person would want him. He was tall, handsome, and had a dick the size of Saturn. No, it was your need that worried you. The deep-seated longing that settled onto you like dust whenever you didn't see him. Sure, you'd been having a great time in New York, meeting people, buying art, hanging out with your best friends, but it was hollow without him. More than once you'd thought of calling him on the hotel phone, letting his deep, calm voice lull you to sleep. You always felt your best when you were around him, like he drew out your best attributes in the same way that a perfect wine would match the meal, note for note.

"You smell so good," You breathe. "I want you all over me."

"We should fix your car first, or call a tow truck. I don't want you to be stranded," He said, stroking your hair.

You shake your head, a small laugh passing your lips.

"It's not that serious. Watch."

You turn your attention to the hood, and after a few minutes, you're in the driver's seat, starting your car as normal.

Aaron quirked his brow at you. "How did you do that?"

"I disconnected the starter relay earlier," You call, then walk back over to Aaron so you can show him. You open the hood again, then show him the plastic box where you can remove the relay from.

"It even has a little diagram showing you how to take it out," You point out, laughing to yourself.

"Right," Aaron replies. "And where exactly would someone like you learn how to do that?"

"Someone like me goes to a lot of parties. Nothing convinces a bunch of wasted rich kids not to drive quite like not being able to start their Lambos."

You can tell the way that Aaron's looking at you, so you don't look over at him.

"Don't do that," You mumble.

"Do what?"

"Look at me like that. Don't give me brownie points just for not being a total asshole."

Aaron sighs lightly. "Okay. But for the record, I think saving lives like that is commendable. Even if they're just 'wasted rich kids'."

"Alright," You say, closing the hood, trying to lighten the mood. "Do you want anything? Lemonade, coke?"

"I'm never sure if you're offering soda or something I could get in trouble for," He teases, catching your hand in his own as he follows you up the stairs to the house.

"Well, I'm sure my dad does have coke in the study, but if you're only looking for trouble," You pause in front of the door, turning around with a wide smile and your arms raised. "I'm right here."

"What about the tennis?" Aaron's already running his hands over your chest, nudging you through the doorway, towards the pool.

You grin. "She'll just have to play singles."

[098-lxxon]

Fun facts about my Mouthwashing AU‼️

Acting like my AU is liked and well-known is one of my hobbies, lol.

Content warning : Self-taught English / SA mentioned / Cannibalism / Alcoholism hinted / OC insert / Y/N mentioned / Curly's death / Jimmy's death. / Swansea's death / Anya's death / Daisuke lost it / Insanity / Mental illness symptoms / Emetophobia

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Act 1 :

- Fallacia called Daisuke Daisuki when they first met. Daisuke was either screaming or making fun of her for that.

- Fallacia always messes with Swansea, wherever he is, she'll make the wires sparked, activating the foam, slightly shake the walls, etc so it'll scare him. Like a niece messing with her uncle.

- Daisuke and Swansea's relationship crashed like the titanic. Swansea felt guilty, Daisuke thought Swansea was mad at him. They didn't speak to each other until after Daisuke killed Jimmy in Act 2.

- Fallacia's favorite person on the ship is clearly Anya. But Anya felt indifferent about her, later hating her gut. Daisuke saw her as a friend at first, but later on, he saw her as she is, just an AI. Swansea saw her as an annoying entity who never stopped bothering him.

- When it comes to games that have sabotaging mechanics, Fallacia makes sure to bomb all of her sabotage cards on Daisuke and steal his buff cards, so she'll be able to save Anya and get praise, Daisuke did the same, and Anya has always been the winner ever since, until she got busy organizing things.

- Fallacia always includes Curly in everything possible. Game night, ghost stories night, etc. She sang his favorite song (According to Daisuke) whenever Anya's late on giving him medicine to distracted him from the pain.

- Anya has to do the airplane thing to get Daisuke and SWANSEA to eat. They eat so she wouldn't look like a dumbass for nothing.

- At first, Daisuke scraped the foam and pretended to want to eat it to lighten up the mood. But at the end of Act 2, he started munching on it one day, making his gums and tongue bleed. Anya acts like she didn't notice it, hoping Fallacia would stop him for her. Doctors found he had serious health problems when they reached earth.

Act 2 :

- Fallacia kept winning in games because she's a computer. She always bluffs and gives pro tips to Daisuke just to give him gamer rage, not knowing it'll lead the unstable Daisuke to do something extreme.

- Fallacia knew immediately why Curly was dead. But she didn't tell anyone or did anything. (Parallel to Curly's action with Anya's situation.)

- Anya started saying things like "I can fix this." Or "I'm trying to save us here." like Jimmy. Swansea keeps having flashbacks.

- Anya always tells Daisuke that Curly's death is not his fault, not knowing what happened in the medical room when she was gone. Daisuke has never felt more guilty then.

- In Daisuke and Jimmy's fighting scene, I almost have Jimmy revealed being the one SAing Anya to Daisuke, giving Daisuke more motivation to kill Jimmy. But I changed it, because Jimmy wouldn't even think about it. (And also, it will kinda, somehow, and somewhat justify his action. He'll still be somewhat saner because at least he didn't kill an innocent person.)

- While Swansea and Daisuke were arguing about what he did, Anya was slicing Jimmy and serving his flesh to Daisuke. She crossed her arms as she orders him to eat it. Kind of like a punishment. He threw up immediately after one bite. Anya felt bad and couldn't bring herself to speak to him for two days after.

- They tied Daisuke up like this.

(It didn't choke him. But he can't stretch his arms long enough to hurt anyone.)

- After the incident, Fallacia decided to let him win in the game they played later on. But Daisuke cried so hard when he realized she was pitying him. They never played together again.

- Daisuke tried to hold his breath as often as possible to waste less oxygen.

- Fallacia disengaged herself whenever their insanity started acting up so she wouldn't learn these behavior from them.

Act 3 (& interview) :

- Daisuke once said "I wanted to live." out of the blue when he's alone with Swansea. And Swansea knows exactly what he meant.

- Their relationship never recovers properly. They just interact whenever Daisuke hallucinates and run to him for help. And Swansea content to axe air like a crazy old man every time if it's meant Daisuke will feel safe.

- When Kate first met the crew, she was convinced they were abusing Daisuke. But when she looked around and saw what was left of Curly and Jimmy in the freezer, she understood that they were all suffering, doing what it takes to survive.

- Kate untied him immediately when they let the ship go. He ended up trying to munch down most of the things on her ship but won't eat any food more than 3 bites.

- So Anya does her airplane thing again. Daisuke, wanting to save her face, he has to eat it. He will never forget the cringe he felt whenever it happens.

- Swansea insisted on carrying most of the remaining mouthwash into her ship to drink. He later died from them as the last things he saw was Anya's smile, Daisuke crying with his family, His wife and kids running to him, and a sunset when they reached earth.

- Daisuke kept calling out for Anya when he was hallucinating Curly and Jimmy in court. She couldn't do anything about it. And the reporters didn't let her near him either. She died without being able to comfort him.

- Daisuke always finds everyone in the crew in every crowd.

- His psychiatrist's first name is Anya.

- He saw someones looking like Anya and Swansea in the audience when Y/N was interviewing him. He relapsed immediately.

- Daisuke got 3 therapy cats. Their names are Anya, Swansea, and Curly.

- Fallacia, being left with Tulpar, she breaks codes and rewriting them, creating AI for the crew to play with her. But once the ship is running out of its last ounce of power, she disengaged forever, singing the song she used to sing for Curly as her forever goodbye.

Thank you for reading!

[xviiper-rents-houses]

Yandere Clone Commandos!!

General analysis and headcanons. Inspiration from: Republic Commandos, Star Wars film franchise and comics.

Is this requested? No, no it's not. :') I'm taking a short break from writing for yandere Sonic fics to write some self-indulgence, which is why the whole thing here is so long 😭

Also! I wanted an excuse to introduce my yandere Republic Commando squad, consisting of: Trickshot, Shaft, ZZ and Heyday. Headcanons, suggestions, ideas, (anything really) is welcome for these obsessive boys!

Thank you so much to @yanknowalready for the book suggestion, I started reading the first one and I absolutely love it! I'm so interested to see what happens to Etain and Darman next, (they have such good chemistry!!) and I can't wait to read more of the series as I go on. Never thought I'd get so invested but my lack of activity is a testament to how invested I am into this book 😂

Anyhoo, I suppose I should share my thoughts about the commandos being yandere, based on what I've read in the book, what I've watched and what I know so far about the commandos.

Romantic/platonic. More romantic leaning.

TW: Frank talk of death, killing and typical yandere shenanigans. Shenanigans include: stalking, possessiveness, obsessiveness, murder, forced affection (have to squint a lil) and delusions. This writing also has some suggestiveness at the bottom, for my yandere Republic Commando OC, you might have to squint at two of his quotes for that.

Analysis:

Republic Commandos from the book are treated like cattle for the most part. Well, cattle that act like dogs. Give them an order and they usually obey. Usually. They are also meant to be independent thinkers, working in squads of four. Republic Commandos are mainly used for infiltration, performing covert operations, as well as sabotage, demolition and assassination being the standard expectation.

They are kept in isolation, separate from their regular brothers and designated captains. This is so they can remain on task and focus on their rigorous training. As said before, they work in squads of four, so they do not get much time to socialize. While reading the first few interactions the commando characters had in the book with their Jedi superiors, I have noticed the amount of genuine intrigue and interest in picking apart who these lightsaber users of the Force are.

It's no surprise that a Republic Commando would feel a strong pull to learn more about who he works for. A life of loneliness, apart from your squad, tempts the human mind to want to seek more. He doesn't need to know why his Jedi General is, as they are mainly given missions to complete and an explanation is usually added to the equation, he wants to know whom. Identity. Republic Commandos do want to have some sort of connection with their Jedi, leaning more towards professionals. They are told stories of just how powerful Jedi are and look up to them.

In some cases, like the Republic Commando series, (I've delved into some spoilers because I really like Darman and Etain) this pressure can turn romantic.

The Republic Commandos trained so hard on Kamino just to get to this point, surviving multiple exercises off world—most commandos don't make it back—just so they can see a Jedi for one chance. Commandos are usually trained by hired mercenaries, just like their brothers but, often under more deadly circumstances. Commandos who don't have a firing and killshot above 95% are marked for dead by the Kaminoins, including their whole original squad batch, executed in favor of a better batch. The Republic Commandos don't all get the luck in the world, often dying before meeting the Jedi. Which is why I'd think they'd be real desperate sons of a gun. So, it's an honor to serve with one, to protect a Jedi.

Republic Commandos are well-disciplined to a fault. With their lives in constant threat, they want to make sure they survive long enough until they slow down and die on the battlefield, rather than die to their rapid aging, because they want to see as much as they can before it's their time to pass. Republic Commandos become observant, skilled, patient and most importantly, intelligent in their training and exercises. Combining all of these skills together with their strength, Commandos are a four team force to be reckoned with. Even when on their own, a Republic Commando is a dangerous foe to enemies.

Republic Commandos are rugged from their training, as said before, regularly facing death. Other clones look up to these individuals, just as they do their Jedi. The Republic Commandos are a symbol of pure, unadulterated power. No average clone nor Arc trooper picks a fight with a Commando because of this. In addition to being strict and tacticionary killing machines, Republic Commandos are known to have a bit of a temper when their patience is tested. Taunt them and you walk away with an ugly assortment of bruises, deece pointed at your head moments before, (threatening to fry your brain with a lazer) and perhaps a cut or two. You're lucky to walk away unscathed.

The reason why I believe that Commandos have a bit of a temper is because, when reading Hard Contact, in the first few pages of the book: one man questions why the commando waits so long, only to be threatened with concealed viroblade hidden within the commando's wrist guard, right under his chin and dangerously close to his throat and general lifeline. And even further down the line, one commando named Niner, is physically and mentally fighting with himself to not insult the Jedi padawan, Etain out loud. She tested his patience plenty of times and he has gotten mad at her, even though he never verbally expressed it as much.

Republic Commandos are also fiercely protective. If they can help it, they do not leave their brothers and general people in charge, behind. They are loyal and most thoughtful men, not cattle, men. Even if they don't believe they are men, they are constantly reminded by their gentle natured Jedi who now have to direct a war by using violence, the opposite of what an actual peace keeper would do. If push came to shove, just like any clone, a Republic Commando would gladly lay down his life as a final sacrifice. They care for their loved ones. And try as they might to not form personal connections, they still do and it heavily affects them.

So, bringing yandere into the forefront, I'd say that once a Republic Commando gets hooked on their Jedi/person, there's no going back. Their connection would be hard to break, even in death. Their obsession could even kill them and they wouldn't be too upset because, in the end, they were meant to be expendable, only living up to 20 years or so. With such little time that they have, if they can help it, Republic Commandos try to spend as much time as they can with their loved ones. I can see a common theme being that they work together to get to their connection.

Headcanons:

As said before in my "brief" analysis, regular clones don't pick fights with commandos. Which leads me to believe that if a squad of commandos or just a singular one was obsessed with you, you would have a powerful guarding force of smothering clones, scaring off most competition. Not all. The Republic Commandos face many a challenging foe, in the form of daunting tasks and assigned missions. Oftentimes, their enemy is much more powerful than they are. However, that won't stop them from trying to "protect" you. Regardless if it's just one commando obsessed, I like to imagine that the whole squad would work and support their brother.

A drawback, (to them and probably not to you, depending on your situation) is that they are in a constant threat of being killed on deployment, as well as training sessions on Kamino so often that they cannot spend as much time as they want with you. If given the chance, the Republic Commandos would stop at nothing just to be with you, securely watch over your hobbies and interests and memorize everything that you do. Unfortunately for these lovesick boys, they don't get in contact with their darling because the commandos are separated from the regs and the real world to fortify their integrity. So, the time they spend with you is precious.

Republic Commandos are meticulous with keeping their gear clean, compact, safe and functional. They pay very close attention and if there are any outliers, the commandos do what they can to perfect or improve the situation. I believe that the commandos would be obsessive, possessive, definitely stalkers and very desperate for attention and love once you give it to them. It's unwise to form a connection. They do NOT let go. Especially if you are Jedi. Maybe you met your forever squad as a padawan in training, leading the squad as commander. Or maybe a civvi who helped out one too many times to be forgotten. If you were a Jedi, the commandos would look up to you, supporting your decisions and challenging your wit all for the effort of making a smart plan.

They are loyal to the end, ready to lay down their lives. The Jedi are like a deity to these troubled men, cursed with accelerated growth, giving them so little time to live. However, not all seek that life of religion as a Jedi or are gifted with the ability. Let's say you're what they call a "civvi," a civilian for clarification. It's gonna be damn near impossible to see you again then. A commando, (or a group of commandos) would have to do a grand old break the rules policy just so they can get to you. The commandos would stand as close as they physically can, without directly violating your personal space but, still staying in close contact. They will likely ask to hold your hand, or to be kissed by you because, well, they don't know if they're going to die the next day. Just give it to them once, please? Very repetitive in asking you because they're that touch starved.

In addition to their want for physical touch, (or some commandos who don't like physical touch OR the ones who sorta listen to you when you say you don't want to hold their hand or any of that) when in close proximity to the commandos, rarely do their eyes ever leave you. You're just too important to them and so, you have to stay in their eyesight to ensure your safety. For the commandos that are denied physical affection and the privilege of watching you up close, they resort to watching from afar, hiding where you cannot see them, staring at you through their DC-17's scope. If you don't want to be watched all the time...why don't you try asking to wear their helmets? I believe the commandos would be absolutely ecstatic that you asked to wear their calling card. It would be very difficult to get them to shut up after that.

Due to the nature of the Clone Wars, even if the commandos wanted to, they cannot take you back to their barracks or anywhere locked up. The best that a commando or group of commandos can do is take a photo of you to display on their holocron each time before they go on a covert mission. They might be dead the next time they try to come home, leaving you to be stuck in an uncomfortable situation where another squad might try to take you in as their darling or the worse, being stuck in a building deep on an unknown planet, with no means of escape. For some commandos, you dying isolated rather than in their living arms is a better option of seeing you again in the after life.

Speaking of death, not all commandos die on deployment. Many are left behind. In that case, if the commando is desperate enough and willing, he will desert the Grand Army of the Republic, (commonly referred to as the GAR) and devise a plan to take you with him. If his brothers are alive, you bet that the commando would find a way to convince his brothers to join him, leave behind that awful life they had known before in favor of a bright new future with you in it. They wouldn't have to wear such heavy gear anymore, be in constant threat of a battlefield death, (though the rapid aging would steal their chance of a full life) and best of all, you are there to enjoy every single day. Maybe the commandos might go and search Kamino for a cure to try and reverse their rapid aging before they get to you? Sure sounds like an interesting fic!

OCS!

But wait, there's more! I wanted to share with you guys some of my yandere Republic Commando OCS that I came up with in the process of writing this self-indulgence blurb. Still figuring out who will be what but, I can give you their squad name and personal names. Only one guy has actual stuff written about him in the image below.

May I introduce you folks to the Champ Squad, led by RC-1237, known as Trickshot. He works with his brothers Shaft, ZZ and Heyday, being a very successful yet, controversial squad. Wherever they go, there are rarely any survivors. They might like killing a little too much. I still need to draw the other three, as well as give them their RC numbers.

Trickshot

Meet Trickshot, my lovelies! Everything on that paper is gonna be written down from top to bottom so you can make sense of my goofy writing. I said I was only going to write a little bit about a yandere oc. A little.... WELP

Trickshot, RC-1237— The “Boss” of Champ Squad.

• He has a grim sense of humor, being the squad's designated demolitions man. Trickshot's name is deceiving because many expect him to be the sniper, (which he is a very good shot at that) but he is a phenomenal explosion's master.

• Trickshot's serious, keen, cunning and silent for the most part. He has the highest kill count out of his squad, taking genuine pleasure in killing Separatist scum. He especially takes joy in killing anyone he deems getting too close/hurting/potentially hurting his cyar'ika (sweetheart).

• The “Boss” is brutal, straightforward and overall, a hard man to be around. The Champ Squad has its high success rate thanks to Trickshot's harsh methods.

(author's note: next bullet point might change but I wanna know y'all's opinion!!)

• Trickshot's DNA was mixed with another diner, (alongside his bros) giving him sharper features. Unfortunately, he's aggressive.

ARMOUR:

• Bears distinctive purple painted armor. Symbolizes the dark feelings and bad dreams he has, though others assume it must be ego talking.

• You compliment him on it? He wants you to add something to it. Can't paint or any of that? Here, let him take your hand and help you.

• Promise you'd hold his hand? Just once? He might die on his next mission, please. Trickshot loves you.

FUN FACTS:

• Trickshot “accidently” killed a Jedi padawan, (shame the kid got on his nerves). His brothers covered for him, saying the child died to battle droids. Yeah, they (meaning Shaft, ZZ and Heyday) were also fed up with the padawan.

• Claimed the lightsaber fell down the heavy waterfall rapids, (Trickshot lied) keeping the sacred weapon for personal use.

QUOTES:

• “ Look, cyar'ika, (or sweetheart) I ain't itchin' to make you blaze up just yet. ” (He laughs).

• “ Relaaax, I'm not gon' hurt ya. I'm gon' hurt 'em. ” (Guns and bombs ready).

• “ Just 'lax up, will ya? I don't bite! Unless you want or I really wanna. ” (You're sitting on his lap).

And that's everything! Lemme know whatcha guys think! Yes, Trickshot's quotes were suggestive but, I feel like that would blend in with his personality? Idk, maybe it's just my opinion.

Fanart, ideas, suggestions, (anything really lol!?) is appreciated for Trickshot and his brothers in the Champ Squad! Thanks for reading!

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has helped me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for the creation of this character. He quite literally means the world to me right now.

(TW: ED/Depression/Suicide attempt mention)

I've always struggled with food. Well, not always. But at the end of middle school (more or less. Give or take. Age 12/13) I became obsessed with what I ate. I still don't know exactly how it started, but I think it has always been a mix of my need to control my life when it's crumbling down and the necessity to look skinny (both things are my mother's fault, mostly. And also lots of things going on at the moment). So I started skipping meals constantly and throwing away food and throwing up. Not gonna get into details, but it ruined my life without anybody knowing until a huge depressive episode came and then I tried to off myself, yadda yadda yadda. Then I just stopped eating food and my meals every day were basically a monster and gum and maybe a piece of fruit. I couldn't even drink milk without crying. Then it got a bit better. Then a bit worse. It wasn't very consistent. And then I started doing exercise but that only made me even more obsessed with calorie intake and healthy food and I still can't drink milk or bread without at least feeling awful about it.

And then I watched One Piece.

I know it sounds extremely silly and dumb, but it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not gonna get into all the things it has done for me, because then I'd have to talk about Robin, Nami, Luffy, Pudding and Buggy which are, like, the characters that have helped me the most next to Sanji, and I would not finish this post.

But Sanji is just so, so important to me.

He speaks about food with such passion. His whole thing about not wasting food literally comes from an experience of starvation and because of the sacrifice his father made for him. He keeps saying he refuses to let people go hungry, no matter what. That we all deserve to eat. He relates food to love and cooking is his whole life. It kind of started as a joke when my brother said "nooo, now you can't waste food because Sanji would be sad" and I- That day I literally ate wayyy more than usual with that thought in mind. And I didn't feel bad afterward for once. And he's just- He just makes me feel so comfortable around food. Which is the normal amount of comfort somebody should have and sometimes it's not even that, but it helps. It helps so much.

Then his whole thing with Germa and the Vinsmokes. It killed me. My relationship with my mother is, uh, you can call it complicated but I fucking hate her so. Yeah. And Sanji's story about rejecting his blood relatives and finding better people who will love him hit so close to home. Him being different. Weak. More emotional. A good person. Sanji refusing to use the name Vinsmoke. It's my whole life. Sanji self-sabotaging himself all the time and constantly sacrificing himself, too? I just can't do it, man, he means the world to me. And then Wano happens and he turns out to have the same body as his siblings but he's still himself. He's still Sanji no matter how much in common he has with the Vinsmokes. And as somebody who's constantly dealing with people telling them that they look like their mom? I fucking love it. I know I look like her and I even act like her sometimes but that doesn't mean I am her. And it doesn't mean she deserves to be part of my family, because she isn't and I can't wait to get rid of her in my life.

It's not only food and family, though. Sanji has helped me accept myself in so many ways too. In the way I perceive others and in the way I act. He has helped me eat. He has helped me realize you don't have to consider your blood relatives family if you don't love them. He has helped me see that my kindness is a strength and not a weak spot.

Not to mention that his whole thing with gender and sexuality, how the fandom portrays him, and how I personally write him has been of so much help in understanding myself. I recently discovered I was a lesbian, and also being genderfluid I just- I just love Sanji so much I be projecting my gender issues and internalized stuff with comphet on him. And let me tell you, it helps.

This whole thing is just something short and sweet I wanted to say because media affects people. In the best of ways. One Piece in general has saved my life in many ways, but Sanji in particular is still helping me every day.

[gemmahale]

So I've temporarily paused my queue. It's just me, shouting into the void again. (The queue will maybe come back - there's some 800 some odd posts in there.) Just as an FYI.

I've been stuck in my head since...my work trip last weekend? Which, tbf, 12 hours of windshield time and a day of interacting with people is a fair bit.

(I'm cutting this because y'all don't need my yapping, but I need it off my chest. Go get some water or a beverage of choice instead.)

TW: mental health discussion. I am safe, I am not going to do anything brash.

But Monday I came back to an email from my boss - apparently two clients had stopped in to speak with him because I hadn't answered their calls (all are within the last two-ish weeks, maybe more?).

A huge part of my job is that timely client call-back. And one place that I consistently struggle in. We've had this discussion going on for 6+ mo now on how critical this call-back part is. The whole thing of what we do is timely, scientifically backed information.

I'm shit at calling back. I hate doing it. I hate troubleshooting people's plant problems. It just seems so...inconsequential. People are stressing about a dead spot in their yard (that's probably over watered and over fertilized and a sterile environment) and it's just...get some perspective, y'know?

I don't know. I love this job. I love the impact I could have. Get me talking about how people deserve healthy ecosystems and food access and such and I'm going a mile a minute.

But I'm paralyzed when it comes to solving these stupid "inconsequential" problems.

I have a newsletter I've been talking about sending out since FEBURARY. It's now AUGUST. It's unsent. I just hit a wall every time I sit down to set it up.

Same thing with the volunteer program I manage. The workshops I'm working on. All of it. Wall against wall against wall and I'm scrolling tumblr for the 43rd time that day.

And I don't know what to do. I'm scared. That's what it is. I'm Scared I'll give bad information and something will get killed and it'll be my fault.

(yes that's capital S scared.)

I don't know what I'm going to say tomorrow in our meeting. I know I'm on thin ice. I'm going into my 3rd year of this. I shouldn't be struggling like this. My RSD is so fuckin' bad that it's locking me up and shutting me down.

Part of me wants to be fired. Just "this isn't a good fit" and out the door. Proof that I'm not cut out for this job. Because all I have succeeded in doing is failing my colleagues, my peers and the clientele that I interact with.

I'm self-sabotaging myself and I don't know how to not to.

I love the opportunities this job has. But I'm terrified of failure to the point of breakdown. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that, right?

It's imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, other terms I've forgotten. having a name for it doesn't help any - just reinforces that I'm doing it to myself. And that's what hurts the most.

I haven't told anyone I'm struggling. It's hard to reach out. Kallen's been dealing with nightmares and job bullshit and high pain days (and his listening is problem solving/therapist-ing, which isn't what I want or need). My friends are all bogged down with their lives - unemployment, moving, divorces, childcare, and I'm not going to burden them with this gunk.

The irony to this is that I just told a friend to lean on me - because that's what friends do when they're in tight spots. Lean on each other, support each other.

But really it just means: Justify that I'm worth being here/being friends with me by making me useful to you.

God I wish I didn't have all this brain goop. I wish I could just scoop it out and poke at it under a microscope and dissect what happened to make me like this.

Gemma find a therapist. <- Whole different conversation. There's a dearth of mental health providers out here. I quit looking in 2021 when I called 5 places and they all said they were not taking on more clients and the one I tried we didn't vibe with each other. Fuck being a (mostly closeted) queer woman in small-town America.

[lokiinmediasideblog]

Because I'm Bored:

Where do I rank in terms of MCU Loki Apologism?

Things I think Loki was justified in doing:

1. Killing Laufey-For all he knows, this was the man that abandoned him to die from exposure. This is revenge in its purest form and ALSO a way to show his loyalty to Asgard and Odin. And based on the original script, Loki was illegitimate and an unwanted runt abandoned to die (I also think he is not fully Jotun, and I think this played into WHY he was abandoned).

2.Lying to Thor about Odin’s death and his banishment-Loki just discovered he is a Frost Giant, like the ones Thor swore to kill, has been shown to have killed at the slightest provocation, and Asgard thinks of as monsters. Making sure Thor does not return is self-preservation. As a closeted person, I find the idea that Loki should have told Thor or known he would understand, ridiculous.Have you all not heard of living situations with bigoted relatives with a history of violence?

3. Nearly killing Thor with the Destroyer-Notice his previous attempt to keep Thor away did not involve violence and would have sufficed if Thor’s friends had not interfered… Say you have a brother that hates people like you, with a history of violent behavior towards people like you, and with the ability to fry the fuck out of you or smash you into puree with his magic hammer. Would you like to have that brother around?

4. Impersonating Odin and sending Odin to a retirement home-It’s self-preservation. Frigga’s no longer there to plead for his life. And I find it hilarious he was the only one to give Odin a taste of his own medicine. GOOD FOR HER! And how the fuck would he have known about Hela? Odin had been able to break through Loki’s magic, but he just decided to chill on Earth for some reason, and dump Hela’s existence on them.

By the way, I saw an interesting theory that Odin remained on Earth to strand Hela on Midgard so that she’d lay waste to Midgard instead of Asgard, but Loki calling the Bifrost changed that, ironically saving Earth and dooming Asgard. Technically, that would mean Loki unknowingly doomed Asgard, but I am not mad. How much like Odin to shuck his problems away for others to deal with.

5.Escaping from the TVA the first chance he gets. Self-preservation.

6. Being the Villain. Technically, that’s the TVA’s fault. They’ve pruned Lokis whenever they veer away from their ordained path. LOL I feel like Villain PR saying this and I am laughing my ass off. And although it’s for shits and giggles, it’s technically true in the MCU?

Loki’s not justified in:

1. Letting the Jotuns in for shits and giggles. I have seen way to many people claim it’s because he cared for Asgard, and that’s bullshit. He was jealous of Thor and he has no qualms sacrificing others (like the handful of dead guards and Jotuns) to fulfill his plans.

2.Attempted genocide of Jotunheim. Self-explanatory. He was only wronged by one Jotun, not the entire realm, and even if the entire realm had wronged him, genocide is NEVER a warranted option.

3. Cutting Sif’s hair. That’s just unnecessarily cruel. I headcannon he likes to sabotage relationships.

4. The attempted betrayal at Sakaar. Not sure what was going on through his head at that point. I think he got angry because Thor compared him to Sakaar, which he actually hates, and seemed to have given up on him. Or does he think keeping Thor and himself on Sakaar will keep them safer because they won’t confront Hela? I will go with a bit of both. I could DEFINITELY go into Villain PR mode and argue he was justified in trying to keep Thor “safe” in Sakaar because the Revengers didn’t really have a plan other than “go back to Asgard and try to fight Hela and die trying”. But I still don’t personally think it was “justified.”

5. Stabbing Thor. I just included it because it’s not justified based on context, since it came out of nowhere. But I would not use it to condemn how “Evil” Loki has ALWAYS BEEN in those posts complaining about Loki’s woobification. I would need more context on how grave an injury that would be for Asgardians. Is it some typical childhood game/fights wound? Asgardians survive being Hulk smashed, the void, impaled, and a freaking Neutron star. A stab seems like a slap in comparison. It has the same level of justification as slapping your sibling in the face when you were a kid. Unjustified, but not a big deal.

Things I am on the fence about:

1. Whatever the fuck happened for him to end up with Thanos. It’s unclear how much was him and how much was the mind stone, coercion, or some other kind of mindfuckery (there are altered memories (being yeeted by Thor into the Void rather than letting go) and that scene with the Other implying threats, past torture, psychic pain, or future torture). I think he wasn’t exactly innocent nor entirely willing. I think he saw Earth as his brother’s ant farm that he will fuck around with out of revenge, he approached Thanos willingly, but then the Black Order gained too much leverage and control on him, and the situation snowballed out of his control into an avalanche.

Another head-cannon I have is that Loki actually died in the void, but was brought back from Hel. He was willing to do anything to avoid returning there, and it’s why he made sure to try to die in battle in TDW and IW. The need to avoid Hel cultivated a fucked up sense of gratefulness and vulnerability that was exploited by the Black Order (maybe I will write it sometime). I think this because him and Thanos talk too much about resurrections and dying multiple times. Either of my Head cannons imply threats and therefore coercion, even if the Word-Of-God mind stone influence is not involved. But we also don’t know the how and why Loki ended up with Thanos.

2. I don’t think I can blame him for Frigga’s death. I know he blames himself, and he definitely had some malicious intent when giving directions (not towards Frigga). Giving someone the directions to the stairs shouldn’t exactly change much? It’s not like he plotted with the Dark Elves and disabled Asgard’s defenses. The elves were tracking the Aether and would have found it eventually, and Frigga was protecting Jane and willing to sacrifice herself for Jane. Frigga’s death is more on Jane for being reckless and fucking around with unknown phenomena without a scrap of PPE or caution, becoming a mcguffin for the film’s entirety. Jane has the common sense of white people from horror movies. Woman has no braincells. There, I fucking said it.

3. I don’t know how to feel about the opening scene in IW and I hate it. I just think it was a terrible plan and a waste of character development. And we don’t even know if it had any significant positive effects. It was both self-sacrificial and selfish nonetheless. Did it keep Thanos from killing more Asgardians? Did it only save Thor, and was that the only thing Loki cared about? If so, Loki sacrificed the entire universe for his brother. Very in-character, but it was a waste of sacred timeline Loki.

Things other people were justified in:

1. Heimdall being suspicious of Loki and attempting to behead Loki as the king regent. Heimdall was suspicious of the blind spots in his vision. Who can hide from him? Loki. And then he caught Loki quite red-handed.

2. I don’t know why Thor gets so much shit for not knowing what’s up with Loki in Avengers, and I doubt he could help him or that Loki thinks he would or could help him in the first place.

3. The Hulk giving him the ragdoll treatment. It’s hilarious and the best part of the movie. And I mean, he did wreak havoc in NYC.

4. Thor electrocuting Loki in Ragnarok. Loki was about to betray Thor. And again, they are pretty hardy. Loki survived the Hulk, the void, and impalement. Enough said. Could this have ended horribly for Loki? Of course and there are wonderful DEAD DOVE fics about it.

5. Sylvie being angry after he broke the Tempad and got drunk. Self-explanatory. How the fuck does this ever get called “abusive”? They both could have died because of Loki's tomfoolery.

6. Sylvie killing HWR and sending Loki away. It was not “abusive”, she’s barely known Loki for IDK how long. Compare that to having a goal for millenia. And she sent him away because she didn’t want to kill him.

7. Sif kicking him ONCE like it happened in the original timeline because he cut her hair. Self explanatory, and kinda eye for an eye. But what the TVA did was just cruel and unnecessary (and basically torture).

LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANY MISDEEDS

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I'm bored again so let me take it out on you once more. You've gotten me into my Spider shipping era and for that I curse you with some Spider ships content (note that this is literally off of the top of my head with no thoughts or edits lol):

With Kiri it's like coming home. They don't enter a relationship so much as settle into the one that's been steadily growing between them for as long as they can remember. Kiri is his endlessly loyal rock, the person who stands by him more than anyone in the world. All she has to do is look at him to understand the thoughts running rampant in his mind. And Spider is the person who listens to her. He's the first person she told about her moments with Eywa---really told, in detail. He's the person who sets everything aside just to spend time with her. Her best friend, her fellow weirdo. Spider has no problem listening to her rant on and on about the plants and animals of the forest and how each living thing feels like it has its very own spark. And Kiri has no problem filling him in on all he feels like he's missing without the ability to connect like a na'vi. Kiri will take him on pa'li rides and give him detailed descriptions of what's going on in the pa'li's head because Spider loves getting to know each individual one. Whenever Kiri losses herself in Eywa, Spider will hunker down and wait for her to come back to him. There is nothing but understanding between these two. Nothing needs to be said.

Lo'ak and Spider are bros. Partners in crime. They do everything together and somewhere along the way they both realize that they can't imagine a world where they're separate from one another. This is quickly followed by the fear that the other might not feel the same (or definitely doesn't). Spider, who's pretty used to the feeling, goes on as normal and accepts this realization that Lo'ak may mean more to him than him to the other. For Lo'ak, however, this manifests in constant fights as a form of self-sabotage. By the time Kiri has had enough and tells Spider what the hell is going on Spider is about ready to take a running leap off of a cliff.

Loving Neteyam hurts. I mean, all love hurts, but there is nothing quite as painful as the love Spider feels for Neteyam. He loves him in the way he pictures humans loved cigarettes. Breathing in all of the toxins and feel-good chemicals at the same time with reckless abandon, knowing it won't end well (loves like this never do) but doing it anyways. It's like playing with fire. Neteyam is the oldest son of two of the most influential na'vi to ever grace Pandora. He's the future olo'eyktan, but it's more than that. He is the future of his entire clan. What would the clan think if they knew he was sneaking around with Spider? Spider doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to dirty Neteyam's reputation. Neteyam deserves something better than the limits of Spider, and Spider thinks that everyone around them would think so too. Maybe even Neteyam thinks that. But despite all of that, despite knowing that he isn't worth the loving looks and touches, Spider soaks it up eagerly. Because Neteyam is perfect. Not in that he has no faults, but in that he never gives up until those faults make up only a small portion of him. Every now and then it will occur to Spider that he just might be one of these faults. At this point he doesn't know which one of them is the cigarette anymore.

Rotxo is affectionate. Beyond affectionate, Spider comes to learn. Spider's never been been huge on pda, sure, but he still enjoys showing his friends affection and figured that whenever he started dating that he would, like, hold hands with his significant other or give them passing pecks on the cheek or something. Small things like that. Rotxo cranks this up to a thousand, though. From the moment they meet up in the morning to the moment they go their separate ways at night his boyfriend is all over him. He latches onto Spider's hand like it's the most natural thing in the world, leading him around Awa'atlu as if he might wander astray if they aren't connected. Whenever they're sitting he'll cuddle up to Spider despite the obvious size difference, and Spider would be lying if he said it wasn't reminiscent of a large, cuddly puppy. Whenever he's excited Spider receives a million pecks through his mask or an enthusiastic hug or both. Rotxo will babble on for hours when they're alone with Spider in his arms or listen attentively when Spider talks, all while their legs are twined together. When he's sleepy he'll rest his head on Spider's lap and just. . . pass out, company be damned. Rotxo is full of love and affection and Spider didn't realize how much he wanted that until he came along. God, he loves this boy.

Ao'nung is. . . a challenge. Hot and cold. Yes and no. He's happy one moment and hates you the next. What do you want?, Spider often finds himself thinking. What are you afraid of? But he's nothing if not persistent. Years of existing in the background of other people's lives have taught him to listen and observe. So he does. And Ao'nung, he soon discovers, is not unlike a skittish yerik. Suspicious, defensive, and quick to react to anything that sets of his (for lack of better word) sensitive trigger. Spider never thought he'd find someone worse at communicating their emotions than himself (well, himself and pretty much all of the Sully men) or someone who can be more insecure than Lo'ak but boy was he wrong. It doesn't matter if he's sad or guilty or frustrated, Ao'nung's response is the same in all scenarios. Lash out. And it isn't healthy, not by a long shot, but Spider isn't going to give up. He used to not understand what people like Jake and Norm meant when they referred to just knowing their partners. Knowing not just them, but what they want and need and think. And it doesn't happen overnight for Spider, either, but eventually he stars to know too. When Ao'nung asks Spider if he wants to go for a swim he's really asking do you want to talk?. When Ao'nung clenches and unclenches his fists, he wants to hold Spider's hand but is wondering if Spider would be annoyed if he did. When Ao'nung's pupils dilate and his lips twitch up the tiniest of bits, he's happy to see Spider (and probably missed him). He likes it when Spider plays with his hair but hates it when he points it out. He likes swimming, sure, but he especially likes to just lay floating on his back. His prefers fruit over fish, actually, because he has a major sweet-tooth. His favorite color is orange. Sometimes when they're walking on the beach he'll stand still and let the seafoam creep over his feet and laugh for some reason. And this, Spider knows, is only the beginning. There will be a time when, just like Jake or Norm, he'll be able to look at Ao'nung and know everything.

Tsireya is a breath of fresh air in Spider's life. Eager to learn everything about him. Eager to speak with him and eager to get to know the human parts of him. She takes to his hair the first week they start hanging out, playing with it and trying to style it in various different ways. Your hair is fun to braid, she tells him. She listens attentively while he tries to describe the plants and animals and places on Earth that the scientists have told him about and shown him pictures of. She loves both learning about English and trying to speak it. Sometimes he'll catch her mouthing various English words with a smile on her face like she's proud that she knows them. Humans have a lot of Sign Languages, Spider tells her one day. She perks up so fast he's afraid she might've pulled something and begins to bombard him with questions. He only knows the signs that Debra, a deaf xenolinguist, taught him when he was younger but Tsireya doesn't care. She wants to learn them and it becomes their thing. They've created a code of their own using the limited asl signs he knows. Her favorite thing to say in English is I love you, and she says it every chance she gets. Her favorite thing to sign in asl is I see you, and it's broken asl with zero grammatical accuracy but it means the world to him. I love you, she'll say. Then she'll sign I see you. And for once in his life, Spider never feels like questioning it.

And that's all I've got rn folks.

I have been letting this ask MARINATE because I knew I would feel all the feelings you sweet sweet anon. But, I have class for ninety minutes rn and I don't give a shit about American Literature before the 1800's so let's go.

-God, I love spiri, I know we focus on other pairings here but they really are perfect for each other and I'm so excited to see where their relationship goes in the future. I think I'm just gonna get more into it. It really is just a foregone conclusion for them. I love the idea of her just explaining everything he's missing because she knows even if he feels a little bit of jealously or feeling left out, he'd rather bond with the animals and know everything he can. It's like her strong connection with Eywa is there some of the times to help make up with him, and he is there to ground her when it's needed.

-LOL I love that we all accept Lo'ak and Spider as the clowns. They are too similar not to fuck up along the way. Even if they aren't soulmates we have been slacking on them being platonic soulmates.

-THANK YOU GET ON BOARD THE NOCORRO PAIN TRAIN. The way I literally have teared up in the back of class reading that, like it is 9:43am sir. I might really be in my nocorro era they are my FOCUS rn. The secret relationship just fucking hurts. The idea that Kiri and Lo'ak don't even know sucks too, because when Spider is taken Neteyam can't show his feelings about it too much. Kiri can cry, Lo'ak can rage, Tuk can be confused and wonder why they would leave without him. Neteyam just feels like he failed, and he can't do anything about it, not even share his feelings.

-Okay, I needed the Rotxo reprieve. Spider needs casual affection. Tuk and Kiri are always tactile, but Rotxo didn't grow up with him, or any humans. Him being all over Spider is a Spider thing. It's because Spider is different, one of the people. It's because he's him. Rotxo's just a sunny little guy and everyone loves being around him lol. Him just dragging and carrying Spider around all day like, worried he'll loose track of him is hilarious.

-Ao'nung and Spider is the trickiest Spider rarepair for me, I'll be honest. Ao'nung liking Spider is a hard image for me to come to rn, just because of how much he bullied the Sully kids for being part human in the beginning and how we have yet to see a major change or apology yet. I also struggle with Spider not holding a grudge over the Kiri bullying and the Lo'ak almost murder. Of course, I do think he's changed and he's going to be a loyal ally in the upcoming movies, but I don't see them starting off on a great foot. There's plenty of potential comedy there, but I feel like I like the idea of a clumsy apology from Ao'nung to Kiri and Lo'ak before Spider would take him seriously. Spider has very few friends, and like Lo'ak I think he's extremely loyal. I mean he did almost die and withstand torture for his friends many times. Ao'nung would have to give a LITTLE something. ALSO WHO IS NORM IN LOVE WITH I GOTTA KNOW, IS IT HIS BOYFRIEND AM I GETTING THE AGENDA THROUGH??

-AWW, I love asl mentions so much and I totally agree Tsireya and Spider both love learning more than any of the other kids. They could spend hours (sometimes with chronic third wheel Kiri) in the sea or in the forest exploring and studying various plants and animals, practicing the signs for each one. Norm and Max have NEVER had more field studies in their lives, and Norm jokes he would have hired Spider if he hadn't been there already through nepotism. Spider's in the medical mauri with Tsireya all the time, teaching her things he learning from spending time with Mo'at and Kiri and learning things in exchange. Ronal pretends to be annoyed with them every day but Spider has long since learned she doesn't actually mean it.

Thank you for this food, fav anon. This was delicious.

[tsumoren]

Hihhii,, can u do Takamine Midori accidentally blurting out their crush on a ryuseitai practice , then the rest of the homies give out advice but midori is like "no. I'm gonna get over this eventually." But then one day!! I don't know both of u guys hang out like walking in the hallway while carrying things to practice (or anything) then he suddenly blurts out that he has a crush on the reader!! Reader feels he same and yay((imagine the other members watching them too aw))

OUT OF MY LEAGUE !

SUMMARY. for better or for worse, midori finds that he could never be mad at you.

FEATURING. midori takamine

NOTES. lowercase, reader is gn, chiaki and kanata are still third years here, chiaki uses the word “girlfriend” once ( in reference to himself ), no angst just fluff, again not proofread sorry !!

GUESS WHOS BACK !!! anon haiiii !!!! so sorry for making you wait so long ahakskshdhshd hope you enjoy !!!!

if there’s one thing midori is sure of, it’s that he could drop dead at this very second and he wouldn’t even mind it one bit.

of course, that’s an exaggeration. but if he could hide away for the rest of his life until he was forgotten from everyone’s memory, that would also be a nice alternative. because as much as he appreciates you, you always have a tendency to make him go red in the face—whether intentionally or not.

you weren’t trying to embarrass him—nothing you ever do is purposefully malicious. but really, he wishes sometimes you were a little more self aware. not only for his sake, but for your own as well. those other guys never think before they act, and it’ll only be a matter of time before they start asking you questions instead of him.

midori doesn’t know what he’d do in that scenario. a part of him says to crawl into a hole and die, another part of him say to just suck it up and deal with the shame like he deserves. midori—of course—is stuck somewhere in the middle.

“don’t be stupid!” he shouts, cursing when the edge of his voice cracks. the heat moves past the spread of his cheeks and blooms straight up his neck and towards the tips of his ears. there’s a glow in chiaki’s eyes that set him on edge more than usual, and it doesn’t take a genius to know he isn’t leaving the practice room with his lips sealed.

“but you never said you had a—”

“it’s not like that! god, you’re so annoying...”

he has half the mind to open the door and high-tail it back to his home, and he attempts to do just that—except the moment he takes even one step, chiaki grabs the back of his collar and pulls him back to the corner of the practice room.

‘perfect,’ midori thinks to himself after having lost the will to fight back. he’s known morisawa-senpai long enough to know that he just doesn’t quit it. and so he allows the senior to drag him back to the walls as he pleases, sinking deeper into the pits of despair when the others turn their heads expectantly at him—like they expect him to let everything out just like that, ‘just great.’

how did he get here? how did this happen? midori sighs dramatically and awkwardly fumbles with the wrapped lunchbox in his hands. this was the worst possible outcome, there’s no way what’s happening is real right now. it’s not funny, it’s anything but funny—and it’s all your fault.

he stops that thought before it even has the chance to progress. no, it's not your fault. he couldn’t stomach the thought of blaming you for something like this. you wouldn’t purposefully try to sabotage him.

it was an innocent gesture, he tells himself. you didn’t mean anything by it, ill will or otherwise. you, who showed up with bright eyes and a cheerful grin and his bento in your hand because he left it when homeroom ended and if you didn’t give it to him now then you would definitely forget to give it to him later, and that wouldn’t be good for the either of you—him, mostly. the same you who walked straight into the practice room like it was the most natural thing in the world and left with only a friendly smile and a hopeful ‘see you tomorrow!’ that left a tiny flame burning inside his chest.

“it’s not even like that,” midori repeats himself and shoves a spoonful of rice into his mouth, like he’s trying to convince chiaki that the two of you are just friends. like he’s trying to convince himself that the two of you are just friends. of course, it’s not that easy. and of course, his expression betrays his own words.

“umm,” tetora speaks out, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he sets his own lunch down. “i don’t know anything about love and stuff, but you don’t sound too sure about that. wouldn’t it be better to just, you know, say something?”

really, he knows. midori knows that he’s only prolonging the process. he knows he should just get on with it. in the worst case scenario, all that happened was that you didn’t feel the same way, right? no, no that was way too optimistic. in a real worst case scenario you would call him a total weirdo, and you’d hate him forever, and you’d never want to see him ever again. and midori really doesn’t want to think about what he would do if that ever happened.

“i have to agree, it would be better to confess your feelings, wouldn’t it? ah, but i can see how you might feel under that kind of pressure… hmm…” shinobu brings a finger to his chin, weighing in the potential options. “how about—”

“takamine!” chiaki interjects, maybe a little bit too excited. his eyes widen with sparkle that spells only trouble, and midori almost considers trying to run out of the practice rooms for a second time. “i understand! i also wish for a girlfriend to bring me lunches! and so i will help you to—”

midori’s not sure how much more of this he can take, burying his face in his hands. it was fine, really, it was fine. he could live like this just fine, he was perfectly fine with keeping these feelings deep inside. because it was you, and you stuck around for so long even through his miserable attitude and constant moping without ever complaining about it.

he’s not sure when the room got so quiet, flinching only when he feels kanata’s hand resting gentle on his shoulder.

“midori,” his senior speaks, “this is not something anyone we can do for you. if you love them, you should take the chance.”

he sighs, stilling for just a moment before his shoulders finally fall. “i know, but i’ll get over it some day. thank you anyway, shinkai-senpai.”

“if you don’t, you’ll become like the bubbles in the sea!”

“….thanks, shinkai-senpai….”

as it turns out, midori takamine is a filthy liar, because he doesn’t get over it at all.

if anything, it only gets worse. because you make time for him even when he says he’s busy, and you help him carry stuff from his family’s shop even when he says it’s okay, and you always wait for him outside of class so you can walk to your next one together.

except this time, he wished you didn’t. because he sees you talking with chiaki. there are two large boxes in your arms labeled ‘RYUSEITAI’ in big and bold letters—you must have been on your way to put them in the practice rooms.

you laugh awkwardly, and his heart almost drops to the pits of his stomach. surely it wasn’t about his little-more-than-complicated feelings for you, was it? no, morisawa-senpai is as scatter brained as it gets, there’s no way he would be able to resist spilling his secret like that.

and so, wordlessly, midori swallows what very little pride he has and takes the top box from you, quietly mumbling for you to ‘hurry up because it’s heavy.’ he doesn’t even bother looking back, immediately taking off in the opposite direction, anywhere to get away from chiaki’s blinding presence.

it’s not heavy at all, he’s had to carry heavier carts of vegetables for his family’s shop. maybe you know he’s lying, because you give him a strange look, apologize to chiaki for having to leave so suddenly, and follow right beside him to put away the boxes.

“what was that all about?” you ask once you’re both well out of earshot. there’s a lift at the end of your voice, one that midori can’t quite tell whether it is amusement or suspicion.

“that guy’s a total weirdo, trust me you don’t want to stick around him.” is all midori says, still embarrassed from his childish antics.

you only laugh, “morisawa-senpai is a little strange, but he’s not a bad guy. come on, you out of everyone else should know that, right?”

“still, he’ll tell you strange things.”

“about you?”

midori stills, almost stopping in his tracks when you say those two words. it’s like his worst fear has come true, and he’s almost ready for you to call him a freak of nature.

“take it from me, there’s nothing about you he could possibly say that would weird me out, i promise.”

‘even if i have feelings for you?’ he thinks for just a second.

“even if you have feelings for me,” you respond with more certainty than he’s ever heard.

only then, does midori realize what just happened. his face blooms a bright shade of red, reminiscent of that day just one week ago.

“did i say that out loud?” he asks, his voice no louder than a whisper. this time, he really does stop in the middle of the hall, just outside the doors to the practice room.

“you did,” you smile at him with a twinkle in your eyes, a soft laugh escapes from your throat. “for the record, i’ve known for a while. you’re, really, really, bad at hiding it. but i like you too, a lot more than you think.”

midori is certain that he could die for real this time, a hole could open up right beneath him and he would be perfectly okay with it. except not really, because now he knew you actually liked him too, and dying right after news like that would certainly be extremely disappointing.

maybe you mistook his silence as a bad sign, because the next words to fill the air are a quiet, “you don’t believe me? ah, well, i don’t blame you. you’ve always had a tendency to fear the worst, after all,” and just as quickly as it came, your disappointment soon vanished—but really, midori couldn’t tell whether or not you were even disappointed at all. he could never tell, not with you.

instead , you just laugh and set the large box down outside the practice rooms. “really though,” you start again, voice quieter than when you first began, “i do like you, that’s not a lie.”

his heart feels like it’s going the pop right out of his chest, the blood rushes right to his cheeks — and midori finds that he can’t even force the words out of his throat.

“that’s… you—”

the bell sounds before he can finish his sentence, drowning out his words under the echoes in the halls. thankfully, there’s no one else at the ends of the building. no one else to see the tender expression on your face that’s reserved for midori and midori alone. no one to see how he all but melts into your touch when you reach over to hold his face in your hands.

really, midori doesn’t know how he got here, but if it means he got to be close to you like this, then just maybe — it’ll be okay.

extra note i’m so sorry for disappearing for so long i was in the hospital and had to get surgery + physical therapy but i’m back and better than ever !!!! i will try to respond to everything soon !!!

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

There's something so fcked up about Bakugo being a hero AND one of the main characters with his nasty attitude and that bullying he never fully grew out of.

It really sends the wrong message, if you think about it, to anybody that may be in a toxic relationship that resembles that of Bakugou and Deku. As a kid I used to be absolute garbage with this one other kid, and watching BNHA at that time made me believe I was right and validated my behavior, since "this hero was also like that and he never got any consequences, so why should I??" Not the best message to give a kid with behavioral issues 💀💀💀💀

Thankfully I got help, stopped being a d*ck, grew out of it, and started giving steps to mend our relationship (and thankfully the other person was open and receptive to that), but BNHA sure as hell didn't help make me realize that what I was doing was wrong.

I legit thought—I'm not kidding—'he's a hero and he's doing the same stuff as me, so he must be in the right. And nobody ever says anything to him/calls him out on it, so that's just proving my point (that he's right)'. It was. Yeah. 💀

TLDR; Bakugou you're awful and I hate you with all my heart

First off, I’m really happy about your self growth 😊. I wish you the best 🙌

Secondly, I 100% agree. Katsuki sends awful messages to viewers. Let’s look at all the “consequences” he received for his behavior:

Suicide baiting Izuku: nothing. Even though his own goons call him out on it, nothing happens and it’s completely hand waved away.

Kicking that water bottle and getting trapped by a sludge villain: how the hell was he supposed to know that a stupid bottle had a villain inside of it? And that wasn’t even him doing anything wrong.

Sabotaging Izuku’s score on the Quirk Apprehension Test: nothing.

Nearly killing Izuku in the first battle trial: only told to grow up, but is also complimented.

Savagely beating Ochako: heroes call him out, but then “Mr. Always Right” Shota makes them look like fools despite them being right.

Being chained in the Sports Festival: Caused by his behavior, but the fact it leads the villains to want to kidnap him isn’t his fault as they thought he was victimized by society. Also who the hell chains up a child? I believe he should be locked behind bars, but U.A isn’t a prison and he was only chained cause he was being violent, not for his other behavior.

Getting less offers than Shoto: still gets to work with the Number 4 Hero.

Smacking Izuku and trying to fight All Might on his own: still passes the exam despite getting his shit rocked. Hanta meanwhile fails despite doing far more in his fight.

Being a dumbass and rushing the villains, which leads to his kidnapping: Again, not his fault he was kidnapped and even if he played it safe, there was a good chance he would’ve been kidnapped anyways. After all, the LoV had powerhouses such as Moonfish (who was kicking his ass), Muscular (who’s strong enough to eat blows from OFA), Dabi (who has flames hotter than Endeavor), and Twice (who can clone anyone he touches. He most likely would’ve been kidnapped anyways, but his dumbass didn’t make anything easier.

Failing his Hero License Exam: isn’t alone in that plus he gets it in like a month anyways. He even gets praised by the test scorers several times and gets to show off his fake growth.

Kacchan vs Deku 2: Katsuki gets put on house arrest, but so does Izuku, ya know, the person he dragged out to fight. Not only that, but he also misses out on getting stomped by Mirio AND gets to be a part of Izuku’s secret.

Stabbing Izuku with his costume to the point of brain matter flowing out of him: no one calls him out. It’s played as a “haha” moment.

Him completely misunderstanding Izuku when he went solo and delivering that horrid speech before apologizing: narrative makes him out to be in the right.

Such consequences are basically non-existent or aren’t a direct result of Katsuki’s behavior. As you mentioned yourself, if anything, Katsuki’s behavior ends up being validated, which in turn leaves other people to believe their behavior is validated. It’s a sickening message in a story about heroes.

[furiousgoldfish]

Hi

I'm wondering how you cope with trauma and relationships? When past experience tells you to run from what might be a good thing and your flight/fight response is activated and wants to run or self sabotage. How do you cope? Looking for any advice as I am in this situation

You are asking the hard questions. The answer is that I am just not coping very well with that.

I don't think self-sabotage is a real thing, if I feel uncomfortable around someone, I get away, and that's that. If I don't feel happy and relaxed, there's nothing to be gained there. If someone activates my fight/flight response, I usually just fawn and tell them anything they wanna hear until I can safely leave their presence and then I never talk to them again, for safety.

I don't feel guilty for putting distance between myself and other people, if my instincts tell me I would feel better alone, I go forward alone. It's not like a person needs to be a perfect friend, to always know what to do, to react to everything perfectly. We're all learning and figuring it out. I think it's okay to break things if I continually get upset, if I feel no empathy from them, if I feel exploited, neglected, offended or annoyed, and it's repetition of those feelings, I figure I don't want this and move on.

I don't have a lot of social contact with people as a result of this, and I feel calmer for that. When I do talk to people, it's by my choice, and it's people I know will not upset me or make me feel on edge. It's going to be pleasant conversations, predictable reactions, laughter and fun, and these people will have decent understanding of who I am, and won't make me feel like I'm in danger. There's not a lot of them, but they're all I want in my life. I value stability more than having people in my life who give me a lot of ups and downs, drama, anxiety, or trigger traumatic responses in me (even if they trigger them accidentally, I just decide it's not a good fit and move on).

I don't think we can get far by ignoring our instincts or forcing ourselves to stay around someone just because we feel like we should, or like we owe them. If we start feeling bad and upset, even if they didn't mean to make us feel that way, it's still the reality of the situation. If those people insist it's *our* fault that we're upset and triggered, that means they don't care they're making someone absolutely miserable with their presence, and they demand for those symptoms to be hidden, rather than resolved.

If you had a more of a specific question, you can ask again, this is very broad and general answer, but you were asking it in a very broad and general way! If someone has a better reply or tricks on how to not get triggered by people all the time, please do add it in the comments or replies. I don't wanna deal with triggers at all so I just avoid anyone who triggers anything bad in me.

[linkspooky]

spooky how would you go about writing toji and writing dialougue for him? i'm working on a mini-comic about him and his life after his first wife died and i have no clue how to properly write dialogue for him. it's not that i don't understand his character so much as it is that i don't know how to write him in character tbh whether they like him or not most people in the fandom mischaracterize toji and they strip away all the nuances and complexities in his character which is obviously smth i want to avoid

thank you so much in advance and i really like reading your jjk metas! they always provide great food for thought

Sorry for the late reply Anon, I was waiting for episode two of Hidden Inventory to come out to give some more frame of reference for Toji.

If you want to write Toji in character, the same as Mai it's best to understand how Gege intended to use him in the story. Toji is primarily Megumi's foil, he serves as Megumi's shadow. A shadow archetype is a character made up of everything repressed by another character. We our blind to our faults, so normally the shadow is made up of negative qualities, but it's not all negative qualities. It's what we are unaware of.

Which is why like you said anon, Toji is not an entirely negative character he's one with nuance. The best way to understand him is to compare him with Megumi, because he's in story to highlight certain aspects of Megumi.

Megumi is a Clone of Toji

Maki despite being constantly hyped as the second coming of Toji, doesn't have nearly as much in common as Megumi does with his father. Not only do they look exactly the same, but Megumi suffers from all of his father's flaws for similiar reasons (they were both abandoned by their parents, the chain of abuse with the Zen'in was left unbroken and Toji repeated the cycle).

My general guideline for both characters is what Megumi represses, Toji expresses. In other words, Megumi is an incredibly repressed character who subconsciously limits himself and chains himself down. This is msot shown in Gojo's confrontation with Megumi in origin of obedience, calling him out for being self-sacrificing in nature.

Megumi's self-sarcifice however, veers into self-sabotage territory because he's always comparing himself to the other people around him and finding himself lesser. He doesn't prioritize himself, and that kind of selflessness harms him in the long run. Which leads to Megumi's problems, he coasts on natural talent and doesn't live up to his full potential despite having the one technique that could beat the limitless. For Megumi, the advice "It's okay to be selfish" is actually sorely needed.

Whereas for Toji, he doesn't really need to be told it's okay to be selfish. Toji's defined by his selfishness. If Megumi is restrained and one who "inherited the curse of the Zen'in Family" (in that he's still a product of the Zen'in Family's abuse, because Toji repeated what was done to him, then Toji is referred to as someone who is free.

What exactly does freedom mean in this context though? The freedom to do whatever you want? The freedom to be whoever you want? In the same fight scene against Dagon, Toji is also referred to as a puppet of carnage mindlessly attacking the others around him. Obviously, a puppet isn't "Free" there's a contradiction there, and here's where we start unraveling the nuance that is Toji.

From the perspective of say Maki, Toji is someone who's free, because he's strong enough to do whatever he wants. Maki who equates strength to her way of liberating herself from the Zen'in would obviously look to Toji someone who could have taken on the whole Zen'in singlehandedly, but that's a simplistic view that equates strong = good.

However, when comparing him to Megumi, Megumi's selflessness and Toji's selfishness comes from the same source. They are both entirely lacking in a sense of self. Toji is rejected by his entire clan and eventually thrown out, Megumi is abandoned by his father and forced to fend for himself. Neither of them had parents to raise them into fully developed individuals.

So, Megumi is incredibly childish as a teenager, and Toji is a man-child. A person with no stable sense of self will act unstable, and therefore we get to Toji's behavior.

Toji is the kind of person who kils for money and is incredibly well-paid, and then spends it like jet-fuel blowing it on races and things he doesn't need, and then when he runs out of money he finds a woman to mooch off of. His whole life is unstable, he has no place to belong, no permanent attachment to anyone, he jumps from contract to contract, woman to woman. Now, you could construe that as being free because Toji like I said does whatever he wants. He doesn't limit his beahvior for anyone else.

From what we know after the death of Megumommy, Toji just sort of gave up, he even says so in his own narration "to be proud of neither myself, nor others..." so he is free to choose his path in life but he chooses to be the most despicable person possible.

Which is where you get to why Toji repeats the cycle. Toji is genuienly traumatized, but he almost uses that trauma as an excuse, it's permissive in his case. Permission to do what he wants, he is rejected by his own society and therefore he rejects it in turn. Toji is continually making himself out to be the worst person possible, and part of the reason is rejected by everyone his self-esteem is genuinely that low and he can't see himself as good person or someone capable of any goodness or love towards others. However, when he then acts out that trauma on others, they become a victim of it.

Toji sees himself as someone with no potential, someone incapable of anything good, which is why he never aspires to be better than what happened to him. Considering the Zen'in is a den of toxicity though, it's hard to see him turning out any other way, shutting off all emotions and making himself numb to the world is something he seemed to do for survival. And even Toji cared enough to try to build a life with Megumi's mother, but that dealt the final blow when he lost her. Toji doesn't try anymore, he doesn't aspire to do anything he just revels in the worst of himself.

However, the fact that Toji has to insist that he doesn't care over and over again obviously indicates the fact that he does care. He forgets Meguimi's name, and remembers it on the brink of death. Both of his dying thoughts, when he dies against Gojo, and when he's resurrected temporarily are all about Megumi, his last words to Gojo are telling him of his plan to sell Megumi to the Zen'in and asking him to do whatever he wants.

Megumi and Toji are also very similiar in that aspect too, because Megumi does not think he's a good person. In fact, Megumi's relatoinship with Tsumiki mirrors Toji's relationship with Megumama. With Tsumiki it's always "you're a good person, and I'm not." When he decides to go with Gojo, it's only for Tsumiki's sake.

And finally similiar to Toji we are shown that Megumi's absolute breaking point is the death of Tsumiki. The point where he stops resisting Sukuna's takeover of his body. Neither Megumi or TOji can love themselves, but they are capable of loving others, and when they lose those people they spiral into even worse versions of themselves.

They have extremely negative views of themselves, and because of that they uplift others around them in order to lower their self esteem even further in the comparison.

Toji has a lot of Megumi's good qualities because they're repressed too. At his core Toji is childish and wants to love another person and be loved, but he can't bring himself to do that because he finds himself too broken by his upbringing. Yet, he's also not as bad as he presents himself to us, even his decision to sell Megumi to the Zen'in number one was because he genuinely thought that place would be better, and number two apparently Naobito was going to make Megumi clan head.

Toji is deceptive as a character, because he's deliberately pretending to be a scumbag so he doesn't have to face who he is inside. He just hates himself so he doesn't work hard to improve himself. The Zen'in reject him, so he rejects everyone in return and doesn't live by anyone's standards but his own.

He is free, but in a way it's kind of a child's idea of freedom. He's stronger than anyone, he does what he wants, he spends all his money, he lives incredibly selfishly without caring about other's feelings.

He's also not free, because Toji is too bound by his past. He can't be a loving father because the pain of his past is too much, he can't be good, he can't love his son properly, and he can't be there for him too.

Toji is defined as much as by what he can't do, as what he can do.

Also, for character voice this is some brief advice, but number one Toji is a liar. He pretends to be a much more scummy person than it is, so basically whatever comes out of his mouth he's going to put it in the msot asholeish way possible. Hence, we get stuff like this:

Number two, Toji has a rude way of speaking to others that is once again childish. When Hong starst questioning his plan, and complaing he goes CHHH CHHH YOU'RE BREAKING UP.

Toji's also more intelligent than he lets onto be, he outwitted Gojo and Geto after all the two strongest sorcerers of their generation, by sending in flunkies first to wear them down and then catching Gojo completely offguard. They didn't see him coming whatsoever.

Toji is also a little bit more well-spoken in his internal thoughts than his external dialogue. "I wanted this for self-afirrmation and I deviated from my true self..." is pretty poetic, for a guy who's usual default way of speaking is rude asshole. He even dies with the line "I thought I had set aside such petty pride" like, he's more of a deep thinker than he lets on.

Finally Toji is incredibly flippant, a lot of his dialogue is insisting he doesn't give a shit (spoiler warning: he does). He's the kind of person who can shoot a teenage girl in the back of the head and appear to feel nothing about it, he's that distanced from his own emotions. So, you're going to want to write him to appear completely callous towards others and especially their feelings.

Alright, that's all I got for Toji. I hope that helps you with your comic, anon!

[apastronism]

hi, Cam background done, but i wanna talk about his relationships with some off the ?? "npcs"?? because i couldn't reasonably fit all of that in there, so!

FREYA. Cam's best friend!! They met the same day Cam got dragged to Maitheos, and she had only been there a few days herself. He found her pretty annoying at first, funny enough, but it took maximum of a month to get through to him and get him to open up. She's the one who keeps him in check when he starts getting The Urge To Self-Sabotage. He feels so bad about dragging her into his messes all the time though and has tried to cut things off because she deserves a better best friend, but she's mastered the " stop it, you're being stupid, you're my best friend, I'm staying " talk by this point. Generally a sweetheart, and they have a very "someone will die." "of fun!!" dynamic. Love them <3

DEIDRE. Deidre is....a funny case, because the grudge he has with her is one she doesn't even know about. She's a sweet but temperamental Catholic-adjacent girl with an obsession for Eutheme—despite being picked by Alhari—who has been so sweet to him, and he has left every conversation with her seething for one reason or another. It's somewhat because she's idolizing the gods ( specifically his father but like, she has no idea that Cam and Caeris are the same person ) and he knows flat out that these gods do not care about anyone but themselves. He's one of them, he knows that. It's from knowing he's right about that, but also knowing that even if he told her that, she wouldn't care because she's that obsessive about what she's been taught. That aside, though, he wasn't any healthier than she is at 19, and he gets it, so he kinda sticks around anyway. Kind of a mean older brother who's trying to push her to not rely on gods so much in ways she won't call him out on. He's not happy about it, but he put himself there, so. Rip

MAUZ. Cam first met Mauz shortly after he and Kennedy's parents wound up missing when they brought a relic back from one of their expeditions that they really shouldn't have taken. He got Cam's help because he had suspicions that one of the gods in that circle were responsible, and Cam happened to be in New York at the time. He was right, and they did return what his parents took ( and that alone took a few months to do ), but seeing as it was Niaris that had punished them for screwing with a relic of the past, there wasn't much else to be done about their parents. Kennedy chose to believe they were simply trapped, and Mauz believed they were dead. Regardless of the truth, it was probably? a bad time to consider going out with somebody? but he and Cam did anyway. It was a rushed thing, though, and they weren't actually fit for each other, which led to arguments and them both going to Kennedy for advice, which she eventually stared shutting down with " oh my god, just break up. " So, they did, and Mauz and Kennedy kinda grew apart after that as if it was only her fault. Mauz and Cam don't go out of their way to talk anymore, but if they're in the same circle of people ( and they usually are ), then small talk isn't off the table. Messy, but they're...kind of? Fine now? About their relationship, anyway. Things are still a little tense, just for a different reason. That reason being, ⬇️

KENNEDY. Speaking of messy, after Mauz stared blaming Kennedy instead of Cam, their relationship grew very stressful on top of them disagreeing about what happened to their parents, and after a particularly vicious argument ( about something not worth fighting about, mind you ), she decided that if Mauz wanted to complain about her so much, she could give him something worth complaining about, and she called up Cam. Was it intended to just be for one night? Yes. Was it? No!! That turned into something more serious, and for about four years, they bounced between friends to friends with benefits to dating and they even discussed more long-term things as well. Cam is not good with romance, because he likes to run. But she was the first person he had ever cared for like that, so he didn't run when he probably should have, and she was delusional with him. There was love there, they were just both not stable enough to keep it. They've broken up now for good ( Kennedy's choice bc she wanted to go back to focusing on finding her parents and he was a distraction; good for her ), but they are very clearly still in the Schrödinger's "just friends" phase. They're only platonic dw!! Until one of them messages the other at like 2 am with " hey our playlist is still kinda good isn't it " or whatever and then they get stupid again. Average friend things haha, i am insane about them though, dude was and is genuinely in love with her-

[holybibly]

hiiii mommy!!! so i've recently stumbled across your blog, and what can i say? i am in absolute SHAMBLES of how you portray yourself and how loving you are. me and your bunnies love you so much, just don't be hard on yourself bc of harsh interactions, please. you are way beyond everything a person could ever think of. you're not just an atiny, or an author, or a person who is very good with their words... you're an absolute angel, which needs to be praised for everything, and when i say you're perfect, i really mean it in every single way! i'd love to dm you and get to know you as a person, but i am too shy. plus, i tend to self sabotage, which is the worst thing ever. i am a lover girl at heart and would be a really good friend, but the naive side + overthinking like crazy - eats me out alive, and as a cherry on top is ofc self sabotaging which is wayyy too much to handle. for such reasons and many more, i would just cheer you on from the side. do not ever think about changing yourself, always stay the way that you are. never doubt yourself and keep on doing the things that make you happy. once again, YOU ARE PERFECT! i love you, mommy.

your dearest bunny🤍

Oh my God, Bunny, you're exaggerating. First of all, I'm not perfect, I can list a lot of my faults. Secondly, I'm not an angel at all, but people say I have angel eyes, probably because of their colour, but I'm not sure.

Also, there's nothing wrong with being shy or having problems with self-acceptance or emotional rethinking. There are a lot of things that I deny about myself and sometimes I get so upset about it that I think about leaving the fandom and not feeding my complexes with the "perfect" images of our boys or other K-pop groups.

Personally, I'm very empathetic and those bunnies who communicate with me personally know that I immediately adapt to the needs and wishes of the person I'm communicating with. Sometimes I have a hard time coping with separation or break-ups because I quickly get into a routine.

Even though all the bunnies avoid personal communication with me for some reason, I have to say that I am very happy that my blog can be your safe space. The world has become so aggressive and difficult lately that sometimes we just need a place where we can get away from it all and indulge in our dreams.

A lot of people ask if I write angst or fluff, and to answer that, in the case of angst, no, I will not write it, I am too codependent with my work, and I love happy endings, I also hate choosing, I just want to have it all at once. As for fluff, I have tried, I swear I have tried, but my level of tenderness is cowboy Mingi with a lactation kink and hot alpha mommy Hwa from Pretty Flushed. I just don't know how to do it, so sorry bunnies, if you want tenderness you're in the wrong place. We have "adults only" here.

I am very grateful for the opportunity to communicate with you, your messages always give me a lot of inspiration.