#i know it reads kinda odd but. idk. im keeping it

[toxintouch]

Deicide - the killing (or the killer) of a god. Vere x Reader/Unspecified MC. ✦Read on AO3

VERE: DEICIDE

“Fuck fairness. Life’s not fair.”

If life were fair, this would all have happened differently. In a different time. Long before Eridia was even a smear on the maps, back when he wandered the world as a deity. With fresh air in his lungs and sweet blood on his teeth. He'd track the tantalizing scent of you for days once he'd caught it on the wind. His mouth would water at just the echo of your taste; perhaps he'd have to stop for a snack just to keep his palate from tingling.

(But then–the lutist hadn't tasted of you at all, though the delightful promise of you had been heady–vibrant–thrilling to all of his senses. He'd dined on the composition of your suffering, the warm fear in your breath, the quick jump of your pulse beneath his fingertips. He'd kept the taste of you on his tongue, but still, he couldn't chase it fast enough to be satisfied indulging in another.)

He'd wreak havoc on the world to find you. Hunt you.

Let the people who hid you from him stew in terror at his approach. He'd eat a hundred unsatisfying appetizers just to bring the stench of death to those who dared...

Vere would demand you. Cast his shadow on your little shithole of a village and bear his teeth until they hand you over to him.

(And fuck. The way you'd smell up close–the new intricacies he could discern when he loomed over you, his snout bigger than your body. Would you tremble for him, would you fall to your knees?)

Vere should be your object of worship, your every thought and fear and desire, but instead he begs you for scraps. He twines pretty words around you when his chain is loose enough to reach. He tempts. He enraptures you with silky promises when you should be his by right.

Hundreds of years he's wandered looking for a counterpart, some hidden corner of his soul hopelessly devoted to the thought of a kindred spirit– not quite Human, not quite Monster.

You've been owed to him since his lonesome birth. He's ached for your presence ever since that first betrayal, a stinging knife lodged in the soft flesh between his ribs.

 Oh, but he'd have been a kind god to you. Eventually. But you? Selfish, loathsome, greedy little thing. Forever playing keep-away,

( –defiant eyes and quivering lips, in the damp corner behind the Wet Wick, cloying smell drowning out the odor of vermin– )

content to consume his thoughts and mind, ask all your questions and give nothing back.

He's been starving for you for so long. The least you could do is let him take a bite.

[starsanddragonflies]

WHAT

[leighsartworks216]

Just took an edible for the first time fonjfht and i am having a great time updating my friends on every small fhoufht but one of them told me to look at sylus and im like 😄 and i do the little talking thing with him and thats fun but now im just thinking about sylus or zayne taking care of mc during their first time beinf high

Im still goin thru it so if none of this makes sense uhhh idk

But like Sylus just letting you sit in his lap and hold his face and just stare at him cuz you reall wanted to. Lets you do little silly things so long as you don't get hurt or anuthing in the process. Makes sure you drink water and eat something and are dressed comfy. But he is teasinf yiu the whole time and probably having Mephisto record what you're saying

And zayne like he would want to know right away and be there with you for tour first time cuz he wants to make sure youre beinf supervised. Provides plenty of water and will get you snacks and sits with you as you sit on the couch or lay in bed. And he talks with tou but his responses dont take 5 minutes to fully get out and he actually makes more sense, but irs fully bc hes all logical and cool and youre not. And he is definitely keeping an eye on the times you start experiencing things. You start to get tired and he helps you walk to the bathroom so he can help you through your routine. Holds your jaw gently while he brushes your teeth, and you just sit there with ypur eyes closed full trust in him cuz you know he kinda loves beinf able to take care of you like this, esp if youre stubborn about it usually. Makes sure you take your meds so long as they dont conflict with the weed. And he brings over your plushies bc you really wanna hold them all. And he holds you. Hes surprised that youre awake for as long as you are, talking to him about every odd thought in your head and telling him about the things you love about him. In the morning, he shares some interesting things you said and fills you in on things that are a little fuzzy

You can tell who consumes my thoughts more rn

I just loverhem both and i wish they could exist to take care of me rn

Anyway goodnight i canr wait to read all this in the morning

[gaylordscooter]

Log of the Multiverse: Error (Page 1)

Prefacing this by saying, if you see him, you're probably dead. so this entry doesn't really help with increasing your survivability against him.

I've seen him in person once—or at least i heard him once. It was when Dream portaled over to me to retreat from a fight.

he kinda let out some kind of scream out of anger?? it sounded like a distorted fax printer. I didn't realize the sound was even coming from a person (can error even classify a person?) the portal closed before i could get a good look at him (also before he could, y'know, enter the portal...)

Anyway. everyone knows about error so this entry's kinda useless i think. (but really there's only one copy of this thing so really this whole thing is kinda. just for me) im using the word "really" too often. does that matter? im the only one reading it.

yes it does matter because when i read back on this it'll bother the hell out of me. hello future me rereading this, yes i still go on tangents and write at ungodly times

error. the guy who destroys aus. it's his thing. for some reason idk we all have our quirks

he has a way of doing it too it's pretty organized actually (for the most part). he targets the human first and just kinda yoinks their soul and brings it to the antivoid so that the world cant be reset. and then he goes ham. (actually it's not that organized)

i asked ink if there's a pattern with which aus he destroys, which was a pointless question because ink's memory is worse than my ability to keep my train of thought. BUT he did tell me that he hasn't destroyed a single underswap au ever since i joined the team. odd way of wording it, makes it seem like i was the causation for that but obviously im not. maybe probably definitely.

makes me wonder what did cause error to stop attacking underswap aus...

oh. he also doesn't attack outertale aus, ink told me that too. but that's cus he finds the depths of space to be pretty (the charms of space remain unmatched, even for universe destroyers.)

i doubt he stopped attacking underswap aus because he found the environment pretty. who knows. thats something to look out for.

it would be much easier to find out if i could transverse aus by myself...

note to self: find a way to transverse aus without using ink as a personal taxi

[kibblemode]

ok so basicalyyyy

(included voiceclaims too bc its fun)

S1 involves crypt (vc david bowie) and ophelia (vc undecided atm) - ophelias arc is really quick bc i need s1 to focus more on the main villains i think. anyway the protags get lost in the woods for some reason and ophelia offers to lead them back to town but actually shes luring them deeper into the forest to her cabin so she can murder them and feed them to crypt. crypt Was her pet when she 1st found them after her parents died, but as they both grew up it turns out theyre actually fully intelligent. they make her kill people to keep them fed along with verbally and mentally abusing her and sometimes they get physically abusive too, and they often threaten to kill her if she doesnt feed them. obviously living with this for years affects her sanity, she ends up enjoying mutilating ppl as a kind of way to survive and eventually becomes more of a sadist. so anyway its obvious from the moment the protags meet her that Somethings not right just based on how erratically she acts, and they kinda sus her out pretty quick. she panics and attacks them but fails to kill them, which crypt is angry about and forces her off to the side to kill them themself. crypt dies obviously, idk how yet, maybe lenarr does it with his powers idfk. obviously ophelia is Devastated, but also relieved secretly. it takes her awhile to get over crypts death but after she does she thanks the protags and fucks off to live in her cabin peacefully lol

S2 involves noodle (vc dana snyder) and grem (vc 2mello), who is actually one of the main villains but hes important here i prommy - SO THIS ONES A BIGGER ONE bc i have room to do so now that the plot and characters are mostly Established. so a bit of backstory required on this one since noodle is a pre-established side character. noodle has been working at the royal familys castle since he was around 15, a lot like most of the other castle staff. unfortunately hes the one whos given the most odd/shitty jobs just by sheer coincidence, but hes convinced its because tix hates him for some reason. this isnt exactly helped by tixs spoiled rich kid personality he had when he was younger and just his general shittiness as a person (intentional or otherwise), and also indie (being tixs advisor and technically noodles 2nd boss despite being younger than him) is naturally bossy and blunt which made it worse too. so noodle is Already fed up with tix constantly antagonizing him (indie he doesnt actually care about as much because hes close friends with her boyfriend), that combined with how absolutely Nothing his personal life is, he just kinda Has it one day and decides hes going to do something awful to tix. so for context, grem is tixs ex, noodle knows he exists but doesnt actually Know him. he steals tixs old demonomicon from when they were still together and summons grem using his own blood. grem would Never miss an opportunity to torment tix at this point in the show bc he Also hates him. grem offers noodle a contract and he accepts without reading too much into it. grem basically implants a living embodiment of pure demon magic into noodles open wound (thats how he gets his snake tattoo btw) and it gives him magical powers Permanently. since noodle is my boyfailure hes very bad at using them but eventually Does get the hang of it, and plans to destroy tixs home and anyone that tries to stop him from doing so. NOW. ANOTHER bit of context. noodle was tixs go to babysitter for tiabi (tixs daughter) and noodle genuinely likes and cares for her very much. that being said, tiabi basically has to console this grown ass man whos having a major power trip rn bc shes the only one he wouldnt Ever harm in any way. this is undecided but im thinking maybe grem gets frustrated and maybe posesses noodle or something similar. hence noodles redemption episode being titled "exorcism" but idrk

S3 involves eugene (vc weird al) - so after the events of s2 i figured itd be good to have a silly, only semi-serious villain lol. this one was fairly recently given a MAJORRRR revision, eugene is my bffs (@/killer12345blog) oc that he made as a joke but i got attached to him lol. anyway eugene is a master shapeshifter that takes on a bastardization of tixs form to frame him for a wide variety of terrible crimes in ordsr to ruin his reputation. the reason he does this is to get tix out of the pucture so he can replace him and take over his life. he was successful in "replacing" other ppl in the past so this time he goes for tix, who is technically a very important political figure (hes a prince). while most of eugenes more sinister stuff goes on behind the scenes without it being revealed that he was the one doing it the Whole time, he pretends to be an ally to the main protags, hes actually naturally charming and his personality makes him very likeable. what hes ACTUALLY doing is cozying up to tixs friends to try to make them prefer him while furthing the evidence that tix is responsible for all eugenes crimes he did. its actually presented in a way that makes the person watching Also suspect tix. so eventually zach and lenarr realize theres some differences in how eugenetix acts vs how tix Actually acts, and start to believe it wasnt actually tix doing it. eugene gets mad as hell and goes mask off villain mode when lenarr and zach dont choose him over tix, and by that point its obvious what eugene was doing the entire time. so he attacks the protags, and since hes using tixs species as a base for the forms hes taking atm that means they cant kill him as easily bc he would only be killed by the same things that can hurt tix. This part i havent Fully gotten to just yet but they do come up with a convoluted home alone ass plan to lure eugene into a trap and kill him to DEATH (me and art agreed. even tho eugene actually dies for real im still using him as a bg character bc itd be funny)

S4 involves moff (vc uhhh. idk. who tf voices spinel from su) SO THIS ONES GONNA BE SHORT. its underdeveloped and s4 has a Lot of important shit happening w the main characters so itll be hard to fit in. a lot like s1 lol. anyway moff is an aspiring writer and is heavily invested in fandom culture and stuff lol. hes unhappy with how the writing of the show is done and wants to change it (dumb as fuck 4th wall break i know but who gaf) obviously this freaks the other characters the fuck out and they think hes crazy. BUT moff is the proud owner of a magic journal or something that he can write something in and it happens. this ones more lighthearted too, he doesnt do anything toooo awful with it its just weird and the other characters hate it so they try to stop him. this is very very hard bc of moffs journal, but they Are successful and his journal gets set on fire to get rid of it forever lol

[fairuzfan]

read the post about "just google it" and thats a big fear i have about spreading awareness. i made and put up posters around my (us) town with info about gaza and the genocide and yet i know that if people see it and wanna look it up, the first page or two of results are gonna be nyt or the guardian or cnn and like what if the person is like "oh this mainstream media source says it's not a genocide, i guess i dont have to worry about it.

i did add some qr codes to videos of the south africa testimony and to a page where u can call reps, to try to bypass all the "news" that comes up when u look up whats happening. im also thinking about putting a qr code for decolonize-palestine. but it still worries me how much "googling" things, if you are new to learning about palestine and dont know where to look or who (not) to trust, risks being counterproductive.

oh yeah its like a huge problem. i mean i work in the information field and people genuinely don't know how to look things up or judge sources which is really concerning. that's why i made a "how to evaluate a source/article" guide because its something i also learn in school+work.

but yeah i've started to just give general sources now. like i'll tell them "read this book" or "check out this website" with a link. which is also why i converted this blog from an anime/meme blog to a palestine info blog because i know how prevalent it is.

but this is not to say no one makes mistakes or falls for harmful shit like, it still happens to everyone. idk im workin on projects where we're putting together general resources for people as a one stop shop type of thing plus my friends made https://thepalestinedirectory.carrd.co/ for this reason as well. i guess its just up to everyone to keep in mind things are 1) inherently against palestinians in western led sources and 2) might not be written in the best of faith+with the intention of palestinian liberation.

and i mean i see it with bloggers here who claim they're "pro-palestine" but are... kinda odd to me and I tend to avoid them haha. as well as some sources and info.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Take all the time you need hun! I don’t wanna make you feel rushed or anything, life is always busy 💞💞💞

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Both Over & Over by Rio Romeo and Again&Again by The Bird and the Bee, those two songs have been stuck in my head recently, it fits this fear I have in my mind that I’m never truly growing or I’m never actually gonna leave where I am, that I’ll always fall victim to habit and paranoia 💃🏽 also I just ADORE my meloncholy depressing songs lol but that’s not very heehee haha of me soooo Spider Web by Melanie Martinez bc it has the sound of a Coqui in it (I’m Puerto Rican) or River is a Vampire by Bear Ghost and Dan ET bc it’s just the vampiric version of that one meme “How you do my fellow kids” and it kills me

• What is your Enneagram type?

I think I’m a type 4? but I do know I’m an ENFP!

• Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

God I haven’t watched a video essay in AGES but I used to love them, but idk what gargantuan is </3 but I typically like video essays about internet history or crime cases, or of shows I enjoy (like MLP)

• Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

SHE WAS A CHEETAH WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! I would pet her, talk to her, and she’d keep me company when everyone would isolate me/avoid me bc I was ‘too weird’. She was just a big ass cat that would keep me company and run by the cars side to make sure I and my family was safe. She protected me 💞 (thank you for making me remember her 🥹)

• What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Getting on call with my partner, I’m rather clingy and just wanna spend time with them even if it’s just silence or sleepy rambling, it also keeps me from doom scrolling. If not on call with them I’ll put on RSlash or Gavin’s/Davids sleep aid and hope that knocks me out (and if not that a ba LMFAO-) also if I have Lavender, I put it under/rub it all over my pillow and plushies

• If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Im genderfluid/gendervoid so I’ve tried many names, I do like my birth name, it means Loyal Protector/Pledge, so I wanted to find names that mean loyalty or music related names, but one name I’ve been using recently is Quincy, it feels nice sometimes, my partner suggested it to me.

• What is your favorite of Redacted's audios, and why?

Sam’s cuddles and confessions, it’s nice and comforting. That or Cataclysm in general, I fucking LOVE Cataclysm, I love relistening to it. Also any audio that involves Caelum I love that boy dearly

• What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don't get the hype for. (I won't judge, I promise.)

Aaron and Vincent. Despite me being a huge vampire lover, Vincent just did not catch my attention at all, Aaron just doesn’t peak my fancy aside from one of his BA’s. Also same thing for Porter, he kinda bores me 😔

• Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

When I was a little kid, it was the live action 102 Dalmatians, I KNEW THAT MOVIE LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND!!! I FUCKING LOVED WATCHING CRUELLA BEING BAKED INTO A CAKE BY ALL THOSE DOGS. Also Oddball my beloved 💞💞💞 the sweet baby puppy, I just understood the pup for feeling like and odd one out as a grew up, I haven’t seen the movie in years now but it still holds such a special place in my heart. Now as an adult my two favorite shows are The Promised Neverland(only season 1, I’m reading the manga) and Madoka Magica. I love rewatching TPN, but Madoka I have to mentally prepare myself for cause good lord does it make me feel like I never took anti-depressants/pos and then a movie I love now, A Silent Voice. I think I do know that one scene for scene. As a kid who grew up being bullied for being different or just not doing things right, I felt strongly for the main characters. I’ve cried almost every single time I’ve watched the movie. The part where one of the characters jumped off the balcony kills me every time because it reminds me how that could’ve been me from the fresh ages of 9-16 and almost was. It just holds a special spot in my heart and helps me keep going. (I adore my sad heart wrenching shit lmfao)

• Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher and Guy, those two would be so much fun to be friends with, also with the fact I’m so similar to them, especially Asher, bro is just like me fr 💀💀💀 collars and all. Like I just wanna be that man’s friend he is so silly

• Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you're tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I'm ready to sleep when | start talking about space.)

As cheesy as it is, the fact I just want everyone in the world to be okay and happy, I want us all to hold hands, hug, and not hurt. I cry during these rambles sometimes, I genuinely just want everyone to be safe and happy and it tears me up inside and out bc that’s just not possible with the world we live in. That or I just start rambling nonsense lmfao (bonus is if I start rambling about how much I love and care about the person I’m talking to)

• Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Root beer and either Hot Cheetos/Cheesy Ruffles, or spicy chicken cheese sticks, meow I’m eating the shit out of that. (But if we have the money for it, Icys specifically cherry cause it’s objectively the best flavor next to Pinacolada)

• Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

Like music playlist? Currently my fave has to be either my Alexis, Quinn, or my Darlin and Quinn playlists, I love my evil people playlists and songs that represent fucked up mindsets and relationships. That or my Melancholy Comfort playlist, I enjoy my meloncholy songs.

Redacted playlist tho? Either Sam, Vega, or Caelum, Sam holds a very special place in my heart, he’s incredibly comforting and ngl I miss the less sexual audios from his earlier era. Vega just drives me feral with every new piece of info we learn, GOD I FUCKING LOVE THAT ANCIENT MAN AND THE LORE HE DROPS!!! And then Caelum’s playlist holds a special place in my heart since that was the only playlist I could listen to after finding out I was cheated on/the other woman. Helped me out a lot for about 2 months 💞

• What's your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Those shitty werewolf romance things you see on tiktok, GOD I get so fucking invested in those they’re so needlessly interesting LMFAO idc they’re cringe, I’m cringe too stfu

• And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I’m a huge performer! I love singing, dancing, acting, especially singing and dancing. I LIVE for the stage and positive attention, I just wanna make people smile or make people feel scene when I preform. Hopefully one day I can be famous and truly fulfill that dream of mine. I also feel emotions strongly and spent my entire childhood from middle school and up studying psychology and human behavior. Also I absolutely HATE fake people, I can’t stand when people are fake, I try to be a safe person for everyone to truly be themselves cause lord knows I always hated having to put on a mask growing up/being isolated because I didn’t fit in lmfao.

I forgot to click on anon sorry-

I adore this entry- not only did you give me so much information to work with but you’ve given me an opportunity to pair you with Lasko which I love to do.

He’s such a character in need of love, and I think you’re a perfect person to love him and be loved in return for so many reasons. He’d be an introvert to your extrovert which is always an adorable couple dynamic. You’ve mentioned a past characterized by isolation and feeling other; Lasko is uniquely situated to understand and empathize with that. You prefer true, genuine people, and Lasko is so incredibly (albeit apologetically) himself and probably incapable of being anything else.

One of the most fun activities I think you and Lasko would do together is watch anime. I like to think he’s already a fan, mostly of adventure and isekai, with some cheesy shoujo faves he’s so bashful about liking. You show him A Silent Voice, which isn’t his usual genre, and you two cry together. Another fun thing is how you’ll perform and Lasko will be in the front row every time, cheering you on. He brings you a mismatched bouquet and rambles about how he couldn’t pick a dozen of one flower, so he got a little of them all.

Song:

Cause lately it's been hard/ They're sellin' me for parts/ And I don't wanna be modern art/ But I only got half a heart to give to you/ How can you miss someone you've never seen?/ Oh, tell me, are your eyes brown, blue, or green?/ And do you like it with sugar and cream?/ Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?

You like melancholy songs; I can provide. This is one of my favorite pining songs, and it makes me think of a young Lasko (and maybe a young you) longing for connection, love, understanding, that one person who will make the love songs finally make sense. It makes me picture Lasko just waiting for you, you know?

Runner-ups:

On the total opposite of the pairing spectrum, Hudson is one of your runner-ups because he’d be such a good match to you as a performer. I personally can’t imagine a better hype man than Hudson. I’m also picking David as a runner-up for you, because I think you two would contrast each other really cutely, in a maybe golden retriever/german shepherd way.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[ben-wisehart]

hi! do you ever feel like the bingqiu fandom is binghe biased? like a lot of the time its giving.. “wow binghe is our little precious bun who deserves the world and more! ..oh and stinky neet loser sqq is so blessed to have him lul” it feels unfair towards sqq :( it makes me sad hes no ones fave but thats okay like whatever right? but even when its bingqiu hes treated like an afterthought. like we have binghe fans criticising sqq for not doing more, sj fans are frankly delusional, sqh fans think hes “too mean” to their precious hamster, liushen fans only like him bc hes a good hole/dick for lqg (obligatory “not all men” lol) idk i only follow a handful of svsss twt accs because no one seems to like him, he feels either tolerated or treated as a gag character lol 🥹

i just dislike a lot of fanon bingqiu i think? i read all the books before hopping on twitter and i see some absolute rancid takes on there like the woobification of Shaun(tm) qinghua and jiumei.. which is easy enough to avoid tbf so whatever floats their boat idc. but when i follow bingqiu accs, it feels like OC x OC rather than ~bingqiu~ if that makes sense? like i LOVE the manipulative crybaby domtop x flustered thin face subby pillow princess they have going on!! and fanon bingqiu is just.. not it? and obv id never send hate or anything (i just block and keep it moving) but it makes it kinda sucky when the fandom is already teeny tiny and a large chunk of the fandom isnt what i envisioned/expected i guess which is so odd! when they essentially erase canon!! if it’s like some queerbaity ship or whatever, people can characterise them however they want but its like CANON how they act/are in bed/etc and its all taken away!!! idk im probably just whining sorry 😭

(i included all my thoughts here sorry for the spam!!)

hey, thanks for stopping by!! I definitely know what you mean with regards to SQQ, but I will assure you that there are very much still plenty of dedicated "sqq mains" out there. My sphere of influence on twitter is heavily biased toward people for whom sqq is their favourite character, so maybe I'm not getting a representative sample of the fandom overall, but he's definitely a very well loved character and has more than his fair share of people who do him justice in their writing and for whom he's their primary blorbo!! I remember posting this on reddit a while back and more than half of the responses (though admittedly a small sample size) had him as their fave. So, I don't think he's without appreciation!

But with that said, I do get where you’re coming from. I’m not gonna talk about readers who take his actions in bad faith and actively dislike him (HOW??), but as you’ve said, even among people who do like him, we don’t always understand him as well as we could. Most fans do get on some level that he’s an unreliable narrator, but it’s still very common for people to take him at face value and completely miss his depth. He’s a funny little guy with amusing narration, but he’s also kind and selfless, and he’s also smart and witty, and obnoxious and annoying, and frankly pretty insensitive, and deeply, deeply traumatised—and a million other things! He has layers.

I think all popular characters in fandom will inevitably start getting boiled down to a few key traits. And as somebody who’s been writing fic for 15 years, it’s really hard not to let your own biases colour your portrayal? I absolutely do it with SQQ!! I focus on his kinder, warmer aspects and downplay his flaws, I’ll readily admit that. We all get drawn to a favourite character for a certain trait, and that trait becomes the grit around which our interpretations form. If you’re somebody that likes silly characters, you’re going to write SQQ and dial his silliness up to eleven. If you like kind characters, you’ll write SQQ with emphasis on his kindness. None of these traits are OOC in and of themselves, but if you start to only read fanfic and don’t revisit the source material, you can get lost in what’s popular and forget all the depth that actually made them interesting in the first place. And once you’ve grown attached to a particular version of the characters in your head, it can be really hard to let go of it. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I'll add that I think protagonists are just particularly prone to this happening because they're usually the one the audience relates to most.

Idk if any of that really addresses the stuff you were talking about. You mentioned dom top Binghe/pillow princess sqq and to be honest I’m kind of reluctant to talk about this in depth because I’ve received negative comments in the past for supposedly being anti-bottom Binghe, when all I’ve ever said on this matter is that I think it’s a bit weird to insist that “I’m scared of hurting you so I might as well let you do it” is proof that Binghe is canonically a bottom. The fact that someone found that statement so threatening to their view of the characters that they would go to my ao3 page, click on the first fic they saw that happened to feature bottom SQQ and leave their holier-than-thou anonymous opinion there is just bizarre to me.

To be honest tho, it tends to be Binghe characterisation that puts me off moreso than Shen Qingqiu. The only SQQ characterisation that truly bothers me is when people write him as willing to hurt Binghe, or willing to do anything with underage Binghe, but there is a LOT of Binghe stuff that I’m sensitive too. Idk if you read this thread of mine but like, even my friends whom I love make “Binghe stalking/imprisoning/"atticwifing" SQQ” jokes and these bother me way more than any random stranger saying SQQ would get off on spanking Binghe.

And like, it’s kind of hard because objectively, Binghe is a very dark character, so it doesn't feel particularly OOC to say he would do those things, but it's about framing. It bothers me when the emphasis is on how fucked up he is and not how hard he's trying, because it implies a level of futility that I just don’t think is there in canon. To me the beauty of him is in how much doing right by SQQ doesn't come naturally to him, but he ultimately decides to do it anyway because he wants SQQ to be happy. (I feel it needs to be said that I don't mean this in a judgy "if you write dark Binghe you don't understand him and are a bad person" way. Just that I myself can't handle that, and I strongly disagree if you think it's where Bingqiu's relationship is headed).

but idk, I've found my corner and I'm very happy here. I actually don't read fic as often as you'd think, mostly because I am sooooo picky, so I totally get where you're coming from :) but the fandom is still decently sized and very diverse, so there are always going to be at least a few people who share your feelings, if you can find them!

[tonydaddingham]

sideburn theory strikes again

idk if its just that i have been fully driven around the bend by this show or is this is Big Brain special, but if all fails this is the lore of a crossover you might not have known you wanted.

so i posted way back in the bygone era of pre-s2 that i felt that there was something potentially behind the different sideburn lengths in the trailer and first promos, and my darling @theeminentlyimpractical added into this, plus the added spot of crowley's sunglasses changing. now this appears to have been debunked by further s2 content (and indeed s2 in its entirety), because there didn't appear to be rhyme nor reason to the sideburns, but there was to the sunglasses. so we kinda left it alone (although people keep rb'ing the original theory, frankly god knows why).

now we kinda came up with some explanation for this, which ive summarised in this ask earlier, but then. then. we saw this brilliant observation by @rebeccasteventaylor, and thought - well, fuck it, let's take another look.

note: reference screenshots of nearly every crowley scene, per episode, at end of post.

so main observations so far:

crowley seems to exclusively wear the silver sunglasses in ep1 and ep2

then switches to the new grey sunglasses from ep3 onwards

he has a mix of long and short sideburns ep1 to ep4, and switches sideburn lengths in those eps between scenes

then seems to exclusively have long sideburns in the 'second half'* ep5, and in ep6.

then i have the following thoughts from both seasons:

we know that crowley is a singular demon in that he has an imagination

we know that he is pretty powerful, including the ability to stop and hold time

there are indeed plenty of doctor who references which - absolutely, may be an innocent homage to david tennant - but seem so pointed in s2 that it's almost unnerving

two quotes! first: "if any harm comes to aziraphale because of this, i will... oh, it doesn't matter, it's too late for that now, isn't it?... its always too late."

second: "i know... looking at/working out where the furniture isn't..."

the crow road by Iain Banks is introduced at the very end of s2, being read by muriel, and has very prominent features on screen when metatron asks them about it. crow road plot involves the main character piecing together notes/sketches left by their late uncle. (by the by, very purposeful feature in s2 that aziraphale keeps multiple diaries, and can sketch real good - including specifically a picture of gabriel)

now, before i start parsing out the theory (though tbh, by this point, i imagine you can see where im going with this), i will add that as i said in the above linked ask, im fully on board with the sideburn thing being bc of AP/confines of filming in COVID, and so it may just be a detail that had to slide or was missed. but that isn't as fun as putting on the tinfoil hat.

the main thing for me is that the long sideburns seem to consistently appear on screen after aziraphale and crowley talk in justine's restaurant in ep5*. once crowley goes over to the bookshop to confront gabriel, the long sideburns seem to remain. this is also where crowley appears to be at his angriest which, tbh, is kind of at odds with how he seemed to speak about and treat gabriel in ep3 and ep4.

let's start with ep3 (ill come back to ep1 and ep2*). in the vavoom scene, crowley almost seems quite chummy towards gabriel, perhaps slightly condescending, but warmer than he is after shax arrives. now, shax turning up to remind crowley of the stakes involved (ie threat to aziraphale) is completely trackable against how crowley then speaks to gabriel afterwards. but it is this quote that has baffled me slightly:

"if any harm comes to aziraphale because of this, i will... oh, it doesn't matter, it's too late for that now... its always too late."

and the reason it baffles me is because... well, i don't really get what crowley is talking about? he's rescued aziraphale on plenty of occasions, and seems to always be in the nick of time (or stopping it, if you consider 1793), and aziraphale has previously rescued crowley back with impeccable timing.

aziraphale hasn't actually come to much harm in any of the story we've seen so far; the only time crowley wasn't on time was with the bookshop fire, and whilst that was resolved, it would match up with what crowley's saying about being too late... but 'always too late'? ie, more than once? seems like there's been a pattern where crowley is too late.

the other thought i had on this is that crowley says "too late" in reference to saving morag in the same episode (but in the resurrectionist minisode within) but that was on aziraphale himself for dithering - why would crowley talk about it? so it seems to me that there are other instances where crowley himself has been too late to save aziraphale. the only time i really think this happens, where aziraphale ends up in danger, is the Domestic at the end of ep6 when crowley is too late to tell aziraphale how he feels - which probably would have influenced his decision to stay and not walk willingly into the clutches of the metatron... but in the s2 narrative, that hasn't happened yet.

furthermore, @theeminentlyimpractical brought up this little detail up from the book:

which doesn't necessarily mean anything in this theory's context, that crowley has one of his watch's clocks programmed to hell's timezone, but appears to be a detail specifically related to crowley nonetheless; futile fight, helplessness, the concept of always being Too Late.

the last thing however to mention about ep3 is that there appears to be a very clear before and after where the sideburns are concerned. where muriel turns up, and crowley and aziraphale talk in the back-back room, crowley is sporting shorter sideburns. but after aziraphale leaves, crowley comes down from upstairs carrying books, and has longer sideburns. i don't necessarily have any explanation for this, but do observe that it seems quite deliberate for the episode that he has the longer ones once aziraphale leaves, and continuing into ep4 when aziraphale comes back from edinburgh.

ep5 however, crowley arrives on whickber street, and is back with ye old short sideburns again. the only time this changes in the beginning half(ish)* is when he and aziraphale visit Arnold's. once again, don't really have any theoretical explanation for this, but one thing i will say is that when crowley and aziraphale approach the archway/alley that goes to Arnold's (just after "can i watch?"), they're in step with each other... but when aziraphale gets to the window, he's alone for a good few seconds and crowley doesn't appear - he might be out of shot, but then does appear just as aziraphale enters the shop... just an odd amount of time to have not followed aziraphale to the window.

in any case, crowley then follows around, gets waylaid and epiphany-slapped by nina, gets somewhat pissed in justine's, and then heads over to the bookshop. where he next appears upstairs, and suddenly sporting long sideburns again. it then seems somewhat pointed that this is where he really lays in to gabriel - now, contributory factors here are he's just been hit with the realisation that he loves aziraphale and aziraphale loves him, and he's probably about five sheets to the wind.

but it's particularly venomous and angry which - yeah, tracks - but i wonder if this is in response to something more? that crowley has more to be angry at gabriel over, more to be resentful of, than just that gabriel's presence in the bookshop could bring harm to aziraphale, and gabriel's involvement in the botched execution?

add to this, the line that we're all losing our heads over?

"i know... looking at/working out where the furniture isn't..." (subtitles conflict on amazon re: the first bit vs what im personally hearing, but neil has confirmed it's at least 'where the furniture isn't.')

now this all relates in the conversation back to gabriel's analogy of his missing memory feeling like a house with missing furniture, and trying to work out what in fact is missing. many have speculated that crowley might have gone through the same predicament of forcibly losing his memory (and s2 certainly does set it up like that), but i do wonder if it in fact twists that crowley is actually investigating the missing furniture, piecing together his own clues?

his tone being resigned and bitchy, even mocking, could well just be him laying on gabriel again, or indeed he could be empathising because he too has lost his memories, or because he's in the same boat and trying to piece things together... just, not in the same way?

so let's come back to what im actually getting at here; does crowley expand on his time-stopping powers, and does he essentially step back into his own timeline? and has to piece it together à la crow road?

was there an alternative timeline that still resulted in aziraphale going to heaven, but under different circumstances, and crowley comes back to change it to no avail, and that's where we leave s2? or, in this aborted (?) timeline, does aziraphale get got by hell, or gets taken out of the BOL (and falls?), crowley is trying to work out how/why, tracks it back through to the events we see in s2, ends up helping to hide gabriel (eg. he comes back after the So Did I argument), but then that leads down the path of losing aziraphale to heaven anyway, just in a different way? "it's always too late"?

now, don't let it be said that i won't poke holes in my own theory, because this is absolutely crazy and relatively baseless... and is so easily explained as just being One Of Those Filming Things (i simply felt it was slightly remiss to not mention these thoughts floating in my noggin).

the main issue of course is that *ep1 and ep2 are literally a mess where this theory is concerned. there are some short/long sideburn differences that can't be explained away, because the scenes literally follow in succession to each other - eg. ep1 goes from leaving the coffee shop (short), to the gabriel reveal (long), to So Did I (short again). another eg. ep2 goes from leaving the pub (long), to the walk across the road (short), to the job segue (long again). i could try to explain this with "oh crowley stopped time and switched", but that would probably be a bit of a cop out, however possible it might technically be within the narrative.

i don't even really know where to leave this off, but im still just of the mind that for a show where attention to detail is Everything (take the neil ask about the records, for example; he immediately spotted that the holes weren't right for jukebox compatibility, but they had to accept it as a good regardless), this feels like a pretty Big Goof?

alternatively yes, it might be AP whereupon david was going into another job fairly shortly after reshoot work was needed, or there were COVID related filming issues, but a) seems like a lot of reshoot work/pickups, and b) couldnt they have just trimmed the 'burns/be able to fake the length? idk but my brain is scrambled and im so confused.

screenshots!

S/L (red) - short/long sideburns, S/G (grey) - silver/grey sunglasses

episode one:

episode two:

episode three:

episode four:

episode five:

episode six:

[its-no-biggie]

okay so i just finished my first rewatch of soul eater and. sometime after the first time i watched it i heard that the ending was disappointing bc it was different from the manga ending. so i was watching the ending more critically this time and thinking about what it might be lacking so. i wanna talk about it. keep in mind that i havent read the manga, i have no idea what the manga ending is, i dont even know if the manga ending is actually better than the anime ending. im just speculating on what a better ending might look like based on whats in the anime. spoilers ahead!

first of all. extremely odd that black star didnt have a big moment in the kishin fight. kid gets a HUGE power up (which has its own problems- namely it comes out of nowhere, goes largely unexplained, and generally feels a bit rushed) but black star gets NOTHING. kid passes out, black star realizes the kishin is still standing and has a one-liner about surpassing god (classic) and then it cuts to maka and soul. but once maka and soul wake up black star is just already knocked out on the ground. so he got his ass kicked.... off screen???? i know he kinda had his big character moment during the mifune fight, but kid actually had a very similar big character moment, when fetching the final magic tool for his dad, and the kishin fight was an extension of that! kids big conflict was doubting what his dad was up to, and that gets resolved when he finally gets answers. but the kishin fight is a demonstration of that growth - he regrets doubting his dad and wants to live up to his family name by defeating the kishin, so he goes all out. while the arc is technically already complete, this ending scene really ties it up nicely. and it feels like black star should be the same! he makes his definitive declaration about carving his own path, he masters the demon sword, and he defeats mifune, but he doesnt really realize any of that potential the way kid does? he barely even uses the demon sword after apparently mastering it, aside from landing the final blow against mifune. it feels like it should manifest in a big powerup in the final fight, as a demonstration of growth, the same way it did for kid, so i strongly suspect there was originally something there and they cut it for time. maybe they beefed up the mifune fight to make up for it? i really dont know. but either way, having him get defeated off screen during the climax feels like an odd choice.

another thing is maka turning out to be a weapon. i dont think its a bad choice, per se, but the way its implemented just doesnt work very well? it kinda just comes out of nowhere and nothing comes of it. i think it was meant to be a fakeout, but there was already the fakeout with the anti magic wavelength and the way maka just shuts her fear out by going unconscious feels directly contrary to the message of the show. which could be used to reinforce the message, and i suppose having it not work against the kishin does that to a certain extent, but idk it just feels underdeveloped. personally, i would completely remove this bit, but it does have potential! i mean, her dad is a weapon. its not like there isnt a precedent for it. i just wish they explored it more or tied it into the narrative properly

now. in terms of the actual resolution. i think the message itself fits with the rest of the show - it has been well established that makas strength lies in fighting through her fear, and having her face off against someone who is controlled by fear and needs to eliminate everything he fears in order to feel strong is a very strong narrative choice! the bravery vs madness bit is very solid in my opinion. and i like the fakeout with the anti magic wavelength - the concept that madness isnt actually magical, or even evil, is really really cool! especially if you explore the implications of the madness wavelengths or the madness amplifier - something something the kishin being released causes fear and chaos to spread and thats what the madness wavelength represents. however, at this point im doing a lot of the shows work for it. none of this is foreshadowed, or even explored at all until the very end of the show, and it isnt well developed at all. the fakeout itself has potential, but there should be like a full episode of content after that, exploring the actual nature of the kishin and madness and bravery and their opposing relationships to fear. theres some really really good stuff here but none of it is explained well enough to be effective, and as a result the ending feels rushed and the win doesnt feel deserved.

one last thing. i think it was a poor choice for maka to defeat the kishin singlehandedly. i think about the line lord death has about asura, about how back in the day they all wanted to help asura with his anxiety and help give him courage but he couldnt trust them and betrayed his own partner and was consumed by madness etc etc. and asura also kills arachne specifically because he has affection for her and that uncertainty stresses him out. so i think theres a really strong message about, like, the power of friendship here. and yes this is shown by all the people on the sidelines watching maka and believing in her but idk. i think the message would be stronger if she had to rely on them even in the final battle. fighting through the fear is easier when you have a little faith in your friends. that kinda thing. yknow? like maka can still be the key to victory but if her strength is in teamwork and bravery and having the will to keep fighting even when shes scared then like. have her lead her team to victory! have her inspire them to keep fighting! she can land the final blow but emphasize that she couldnt have done it alone by having her NOT do it alone. do you feel me

anyway. i dont hate the ending or anything, i think its pretty good! but i do think its one of the weakest points of the show, so i dont doubt that the manga ending is better. guess now i have to actually read the manga and find out lmao

[melis-writes]

i need your cognizance … im kind of new to the al pacino fandom and ive binged watched his filmography in over 3 days and i LOOOOVED EVERYTHINGGGG but mostly just staring at his gorgeous faaaace (im rolling my eyes and biting my fist as i type this)😮‍💨🥵😩 but im rlly having trouble finding my footing with the elephant in the room … and that is him having a baby at his present age and dating a woman 50+ yrs his junior… like im in too deep now, i just watched his nypd episode and that’s how far ive already went😭(not complaining👀) but im also at this stage where idk what or how to feel about him doing that. obviously ive acquired an above-average-more-than-wikipedia knowledge about him (i like him a normal amount, trust me) and i won’t willfully overlook the fact that he’s kind of a womanizer and one that is commitment-phobe, so i guess him having new girlfriends isn’t out of the blue but to date someone THAT young? like that could be ur daughter😭 in fact his eldest daughter is a few yrs older than his current gf

anyway what im rlly trying to say is, i need u to weigh in on this and pls tell me ur opinion. ive read ur impressive work and it encouraged and inspired me to read the godfather as a book, and not just settle on watching it. and with that in mind i thought u were the right person to provide insight on this. as u can see i love al so much, im actually thinking of making myself a bday cake with his picture on it, similar to a pic i reblogged a few days ago, but im soooo conflicted on this. like i truly am. i know it’s bad to have parasocial relationships w celebrities (especially younger versions of themselves OMG) (but im rlly not i just love him sm and admire him) but im at this phase where im afraid that finding out more of his humanly desires would disappoint me? and yes ppl might say i shld avoid putting celebrities on a pedestal bc they rlly dont give a fuck abt who u are😵‍💫 and i would definitely love to be one of those ppl that could simultaneously admire a person for their achievements and recognize their kind behavior but also acknowledge their wrongdoings … but if i do that isn’t it kind of telling on my end, of my behavior and shaky moral compass😫? or, now that im in too deep, maybe im just trying to maintain this idealized version of him in my head and this is simply a reality i refuse to accept😭? bc honestly when the news broke out a lot of ppl were divided, with most responses pandering to eerie and just odd reactions, but a small minority claims a different take, along the lines of ‘if two consenting adults wanna make a family then why not’ and this rlly bugs me bc ??? apart from it being an awfully lazy analysis there’s just SOO much to unpack about this situation. like theres just way too many layers and there’s nuances too. one of the replies actually said men at the age of 60 should already be neutered to prevent from procreating ever again and why i kinda agree to it ?? 😶 like im so conflicted … like i rlly am … this is eating me out and consuming me i honestly dont know what to do.

anyway IM SO SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING AND FOR HOW LONG THIS WAS … im sorry for the overcomplication … pls take ur time in answering this im rlly sorry id rlly appreciate ur stance on this … I LOVE UR WORK SO MUCH IT KEEPS ME SANE. especially with the gifs🥰🥰🥰🥰 bc of u i still get to fuel my indulgences. THANK YOU

Ah my dear, welcome to the Pacino fandom, first of all. 🤣❤️ We Pacino girlies welcome you with open arms here lmao I know exactly how that intense ass Pacino brainrot can hit and how hard too. 🥵

You're right first of all about the fact that there's a lot to unpack beyond the "it's two consenting adults in a relationship" piece but here's the thing, it's not meant for us to unpack. At the end of the day, all we can do is hear news, gossip and read articles about Al's relationship and this and that but we don't know how much of it is actually true and what's really going on, and we can't know. It really has nothing to do with any of us, and those two don't care what the public think either. It's Al and his gf's private life and judging on how shit broke out, they seem to have a lot more to worry about on their plate than anyone else's reactions.

Al is basically a womanizer from what I've read lmao. He always really has been and I know things obviously changed when he got older but an early article that came out saying Al and his gf are dating mentioned the age gap doesn't bother either of them and his gf has dated men around the same age and even older than Al. This is their personal and private life, after all. Men can have children at a very old age, this is just how science works lmao although it can be baffling at 80+, it's still a thing. From what the gossip online says, it looks like this was an unplanned thing and Al isn't doing so good. He doesn't seem to be jumping over the moon about everything from what I read either. I think this is hard for him, tbh.

And some people may think it's weird someone as old as Al is still having sex but given his track record, I'm not surprised at all lmao. To avoid disappointment from celebrity parasocial relationships and putting them on pedestals, you need to come to an understanding that you're also recognizing and putting up (in a way) their flaws on that pedestal too. Al is not a perfect human being, nobody is, but he isn't out here trying to be perfect or live up to anyone else's definitions either nor should he.

I love that you admire and love Al like the rest of us, but you also need to come to an understanding about the things he's done or said or whatnot that you don't agree with or necessarily like. He's just a human being at the end of the day, it's so complex. Don't think too hard on it, because everyone has their flaws and mistakes and as we recognize this, we can still love them for the great things they do. That's really the only thing you need to do.

I think the fandom as a whole looked way too far into this man's personal life. It does not effect us whatsoever and it's honestly none of our business. Al doesn't owe us anything and he's not trying to be a role model to us; we shouldn't be this held up about his personal life. I know it can be hard not to care, but sometimes all you need to do is acknowledge it, accept it, and move on.

I would also recommend reading the biography "A Life on The Wire" by Andrew Yule. It has a lot about Al's life from early days, to romance, to his personality and everything inbetween. It's seriously extremely detailed and gives you a whole new insight on just who that man is!

Feel however your heart wants to feel. You don't have to get held up in Al's personal life like others or form a strong opinion just because someone else has. Something like this doesn't need to stop you from admiring what a phenomenal actor Al is and how he's a fine ass man too. 😭

[alitgblog]

vol vi thoughts bc fusebox keeps bringing me back

although we're in casa so ya know.... story is bound to get bad soon after casa

first of all, Hari. im so disappointed with his sprite because I'd so go for him for looks alone otherwise (his hair is nice and hes indian and hes got the rohan sort of physique albeit more muscle-y). but somethings up with his face and his eyes are a little red and his torso is doing the thing Vicki does, so he just feels like a leftover from S7 (and what a shame bc Tyler is drawn so well but barely gets time to impress us in the villa!)

OK anyway personality wise though hes giving nothing. Bombshells gotta cause more chaos and I think he'd be a fine and dandy OG in the real show but he's just kinda here. I mean idk maybe I tapped through his dialogue too quickly but in my head rn he's similar level to Elliot. Elliot I can at least make gamer jokes about and the girls had more to say about him than just: he's hot, and MC should go for him. that being said what I'm about to reveal i did in a few bullet points will not make sense.

The note was obviously gonna be from Jin (your LI), so them dragging it out was a little annoying. And I have personal opinion on what types of things should be gem choices and part of that is having a good enough excuse not to go through with it and I think not reading the note for no reason is not good enough. Anyway I did choose to read the note and it's sweet and references Jin's whole "funny guy but now I'm serious about you" shtick and I just wish they write that a little differently but it's still cute.

Then we get Bea's messages and it's odd bc I can't think of a reason or another season on the show that they dragged out the bombshells arrival like this. Like first of all, they might as well have given a message to Theo as well instead of just Oakley and Hari. But even more than that, why put the messages at all? just to have a cliffhanger at the end of the episode? I think just straight up during the sports day challenge, have someone read a text that a new couple is joining, and then bam it's Jin and Bea. maybe one text from her but the multiple was bugging me.

I also don't know why I got it in my head that Bea was gonna flirt with Theo/Claudia depending on who you flirted with, plus also your current LI but like that would've been a nice addition since I think Theo and Claudia should be done for but they don't make it clear???

Oakley messing with Emel about the drink was funny ngl, but I do miss the routes not merging because it just doesn't make sense to me having Oakley do that. Jack or Jin, maybe, but Oakley is the silent, serious type. Like in my head, he's more like Noah.

There is very briefly a few friendship moments between MC and Theo this volume and in my head they are besties and I wish that was canon/more explicit because I'm not going after him anyway. That way you get the friends who get closer and become lovers storyline from either Theo or Claudia and the other you still get to be friends with.

I'm surprised Claudia and Theo aren't just fully broken up because Claudia is asking for advice and I'm like, did yall not already get that sorted?? it's been so long. One of them should just go for the bombshells.

A chat with Claudia! finally! (albeit a gem scene) I thought we'd get to know more about her but it's mostly just a game of word association which is odd. I will say admitting that MC associates love with Jin made me laugh bc I'm cruel

The girls then say that MC needs to graft on Hari because they're both single and I get the support, but also MC is still getting over Jin lol.

Remember how I said the way I'm gonna play this doesn't make sense? Okay so I decided I needed to create my own mess, just to see if fusebox is gonna let my MC have consequences for her actions. So this is for science, in a way... Okay. So I may have let my MC flirt with Hari. And then maybe she got a sexy massage from him. And then maybe they kissed. What can I say? She's out of her mind without Jin. 🤣

okay no but seriously, in my head she does start to revert to her old ways, her old type, but she knows Hari isn't right for her. She misses Jin but she's not used to having a connection so fast with someone. And when he's gone she misses him but over the course of the day after putting on her brave face, she's convinced herself she's overthinking it. the letter was sweet but it scared her a little. she knows he was gonna ask her to be exclusive and she freaked a little. she just needs a little distraction....

I enjoy sports day but in my head it's usually a late in the show game. Like around in S2 when they have the bird thing happening or the S4 musical (OK maybe not that late, like probably pre baby challenge, but it's generally a challenge with very little drama is my point). still it was fun to have here.

and then of course return of the king, Jin comes back. and with the way I've been doing shit, yes, MC did kiss Hari when Jin entered and ohhhh he was upset.

Bea is cute but playful and still competitive and okay she goes for your couple, but also I get like Chelsea vibes from her (no canon reason why, I just think it's the hair) so love her.

Double date is so fun when your other partner is nearby, like it's almost enough to forget they did the same thing in season 5 because it's so much better this time around.

for fun and for angst I just imagine in the show, mid date they cut to a beach hut scene where MC is like "yeah I had a fun time with Hari but he when he was talking about all the things he wants in a life partner, I kept thinking about how I want that with Jin." 🥺

anyway yeah bring back beach hut

So I'm not a big fan of how they introduced the bombshells and LI return but it's not bad. I just think we could've gotten more time with Jin, Hari, and Bea. It's unclear but I think it's implied Jin, Hari, Bea, and MC are all single and I hope that's true because that way there will be little consequence (as in no sudden dumping) if you or another one of those characters brings someone from casa. because you're not in a couple anyway. (I mean I always hope there's no Dumping immediately after casa bc the arguments are more fun but this is how they've been doing it recently and i think part of that is bc of how they force the routes to merge)

it's also nice we don't get immediately stolen from our partner a la Tom/Cora entrance (or Elliot/Chloe) but it's sort of implied with how the sports day couples went? like I wish there was just a little more time before Casa so it's clear they're all single

or fuck it, give us a recoupling and post casa don't dump the other LI right away if you switch. Like you should be able to make up with your LI or not and it's boys choice and if they wanna keep the slow burn Theo picks last I guess and gets Bea just to also fix the Theo and Claudia together but not storyline. Maybe between your original LI and Hari, one of them picks Claudia (or give us another mlm couple if you're on a Claudia route and let him couple with Theo lmao)

[jayfeathersstick]

This post will mostly be to my irl friends but even if you have no clue who i am you can keep reading😀👌

Warning: the rest of this will contain topics such as, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, xenophobia etc.

Also please excuse my grammar and writing style. Im just writing down my thoughts.

I don't really know how to start this. I have been thinking about writing this for a long time. But today i finally decided to do it.

I live with my parents and (half) sister who's in college.

The problem is my dad.

No, he's not abusive, at least i don't think of him as abusive. That may sound strange but i genuinely don't know if he is and im just so immune to it that i don't think of it as abuse or if im just overreacting .

The real problem is his memtality.

He was born in the very late 60's so yes he is in fact old.

He has this mentality that he is right and EVERYBODY else is wrong. Everyone in my house has acknowledged this. Except him obviously.

Unfortunately (as some of you may have already realised based on the warnings) he is in fact xenophobic.

He is very very transphobic. For example:

"don't you think it wierd that people are out there pretending to be the other gender?"

"its either she or he, there is no they"

"this kind of 'stuff' wasn't around when i was your age"

Yes these are all direct quotes from him.

There are many many more that i cant think of right now but if i do remember any more i will add them.

Also, i know this is an age old argument but, ehat do you have against trans people? They arent bothering you? If anything YOU are the ones bothering them.

Anyways.

That's only his transphobic side.

We've barley touched his homophobic side.

Now, i will say the is very slightly more accepting of, this commumity than trans people.

Slightly.

By slightly i mean he dosent sit me down after seeing thr word "nonbianary" on the back of one of thr books my friend lent me and tell me all about these "odd people" that are-LIVING THEIR LIVES WITHOUT YOU BOTHERING THEM.

Exuse me.

A little cough came out there.

Also yes "odd people" is another direct quote.

Continuing on.

Sexism.

This one is very very vague because he's only given me a sexist vibe a few times but it still bothers me.

StOrY tImE

I was telling my dad about some of thr fights at my school and his legit resposlnse whaen i told him a teacher had gotten involved was "sometimes boys need to fight and i know your school will never agree with me but its true"

As you can see, very much a self believe that he is the only right person to ever exist on earth.

Another example:

I was telling him about some of my friends breaking up (platonically) and moving lunch tables because they weren't talking to each other anymorw.

" you see that happen a lot, girls fighting, but you just get used to it"

Like ?

He grew up with two other brothers, no sisters. How many women did you watch fight?

Also kinda off topic but he seems oddly against Chinese people💀

Idk what he has against them but he just...doesn't like them?

Anyways thank you for comin to my ted talk about all my dads problems.

I will update this if i ever feel the need to.

Originally posted on Mar 7 2024.

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa

[nerves-nebula]

 This turtle au has made me think more about my childhood than I have in forever. (I know that’s very common but it’s too late at night in my timezone for me to think of a decent joke to make about it)

  Uh warning, complex (and probably not super relatable? I have an odd situation) feelings about parents ahead though I’m sure that’s just the usual drill for ya nowadays.

  Because like…there’s so much I relate to, but also feel like I shouldn’t. Because unlike Splinter, my parents did get better. They went to therapy, stopped hurting us, apologized for it all, and genuinely earned forgiveness by being there, caring, and listening and learning.…But it still happened, y’know? Like…they can be awesome now, but they also spent most of my childhood yelling and hitting and a bunch of other shit I’ve repressed. I've still got issues from it, and half my childhood is repressed memories while the other half is screaming at people. 

  And so I guess it’s weird trying to reconcile that. To have my fury co-exist with the fact that the people I’m mad at have grown into some of the most amazing people ever. Like I’m terrible for daring to still be mad…but then it hurts to know what the people I love are capable of, to see a proud smile all while knowing in the back of my mind that that person has physically harmed me, that they’ve given me a cold stare and smashed me into a wall with those same hands that are patting my back right now... And maybe they haven’t hurt me and my siblings in years, but…it happened and it fucking hurts still…

  IDK where I’m going with this any more, and I should probably (read: definitely) be sleeping, but I guess…well, thanks for sharing your AU. It’s uncomfortably relatable and yet somehow deeply cathartic. It’s made me think a lot about stuff I had been trying to repress, but in like, a good productive way I guess? I dunno. It hurts good. Probably gonna sleep now lol. Feel free to ignore this if you want, guess I just wanted to let you know that your AU helped me, all while being really pretty from an art standpoint…keep it up dude.

"it hurts good" hah. yeah. i get that.

sounds like youve got an ok situation goin on, for what it's worth im proud of your parents for getting better. and im happy for you. it's ok to still be mad or resent them for things did before, obviously. you might need some kinda therapy to work through or process shit but, like, there's nothing wrong with relating to this story. it's for you!

i mean, its for ME but it's also for you hahh.

[syfynjvall]

ok. Okok. i think i’ve got my jumbled up thoughts altogether so! here they are under the cut (and it won’t be spoiler free so heads up!)

N’s route: man… i think when i played i was on a “i havent seen these characters in years” goggles high, ie graduation goggles if you will, but now that im thinking on it, it wasn’t super erm. cohesive. like when you can choose to say ily early on but then if you dont and N says it later, theres no option to reciprocate? odd. also there is no conflict resolution for the argument, it’s just kinda brushed aside.

what i did like was that if you play with an equally romantic partner as n, they do have a bunch of nice little moments. i’ve seen ppl say they come off clingy but like. i didnt see it that way. to me it comes across as more just that they’re SO passionate and so focused about protecting everyone (as shown in the backstory) but i can see why it’s off putting to others

F route: very cute little moments w the detective, absolute dream of a partner if you ask me. them talking about their mom? ruined me a bit why lie. also the “you’re the most delicious thing i’ve tasted” oof. my pulse was weak lads

i didnt like that there wasnt an ily choice for them?? doesnt make sense to me??? out of all the routes i feel like their would have been the most natural place to have an ily, but i digress. anyway. F love and supremacy always

A route: mixed feelings for sure.. i did feel like some of it was a bit ooc or like, i was just getting mixed signals. they’d say one thing and then contradict it a paragraph later and i was like. huh. ok.

overall tho… i will be so real with you guys it was kind of delicious. dare i say it was maybe my favorite. ik some ppl thought it moved too fast and i can see that! but for me it’s really not /that/ fast. think about if you read a book series that’s 2 or 3 books and it’s a slowburn. usually the couple will admit their feelings by the end of the second book or smth. and it’s not like A actually expressed their feelings and then jumped into a relationship yk?? personally i found the “one kiss and i cant have you anymore, this is done, i can’t let myself feel this” absolutely scrumptious. the slowburn is still in action even tho they kissed to me! but ig why some ppl didnt love it. bonus; them crying outside the detectives door didn’t feel ooc to me either. they bottked up feelings for 900 years and then watched the person they love almost die like. three times. and then consequently shoved them away again so there’s no way they’d be able to keep all of THAT inside. walls r bound to break eventually. anyway i did think this route was inconsistent at times but generally. i had a blast w all that pain and suffering

M’s route: i still dont really know how i feel about this one tbh. i did like a lot of it: the bakery scene, the lil not date, the scene in the shower especially. to me that felt very natural, just like. intimate and personal without being too fast or whatever. big fan. might think about that for the rest of my life. also if you’re on verda’s route with m the dinner party scene was equal parts awkward and funny so that was fun. AND as meh and underwhelming as the auction was, them saying they were willing to give more for the detective than they ever thought… mwah. there were moments where M felt ooc but i think i liked half of it. probably 😭

overall like i said before.. plot wise it isnt very cohesive and it’s not very exciting, it felt more romance focused than plot focused which ig makes sense but? idk. i like the thrill

if you’ve stuck thru this whole essay you’re a saint. and drop more of your thoughts into my inbox bc im curious to know what yall are thinking!