#i know it looks tiny but it's high resolution so you can zoom in
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cderiva ¡ 5 months ago
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part 1 of ## of maria's phone
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aemiron-main ¡ 1 year ago
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this is something i've been thinking about for awhile trying to go through your analyses for stranger things, but i really don't understand where a lot of your proof for your analyses come from. most of the screenshots i see you used from the show to me just look incredibly blury and out of focus like you can't actually confirm what it is your seeing (i'm talking about newspapers specifically). also i can understand a show being more than just what is seen at the surface level, but i feel like the depth of your analysis is just way beyond? yeah when you watch something for the first time there will be things you miss, but i've watched the show several times now and i'm just not seeing a lot of your theories /gen
Hey, anon! My proof comes from a.) the show itself and/or b.) BTS photos and interviews that are from the ST production crew that I then combine with evidence from the show itself.
And specifically regarding the newspapers being blurry, something to keep in mind is that the screenshots are always blurry because the way I screenshot netflix means it has to run at a lower resolution/blurrier screenshot- but when I’m using a browser that isn’t chrome/isnt one of the other browsers that let you screenshot once youve adjusted a few settings, i get a higher resolution show, because chrome etc is capped at a certain lower resolution for Netflix specifically Because of this screenshot loophole. So, i screenshot on the lower-res version but then I read the actual newspapers/transcribe them when I’m watching the high-res version on my phone or another browser & then I’m also able to zoom in on the video on Netflix on my phone & that’s how I can clearly read the newspapers despite them being blurry.
So tldr while the screenshots I use are blurry, the actual text is way more legible in hd versions of the show, which is what I look at to transcribe things. So that’s how I can confirm what the papers say despite having to use blurry screenshots for my post (as sadly I havent found a way to get HD screenshots yet).
At the end of the day, Anon, I can’t really help you unless you’re more specific. If there’s a particular theory or piece of evidence of mine that you’re not understanding, let me know, but there’s not really anything that I can do with a general “i rewatched the show a few times and I still don’t see your theories” sentiment!
I personally don’t think the depth of my analysis is way beyond/beyond the scope of possibility at all- I’m able to back it up with evidence directly from the show, so it’s not like I’m just pulling it out of nowhere. There’s a difference between just barely looking beyond the surface vs really digging into it, and I’ve been doing the latter. ST really focuses on telling the audience all the time to really dig into things, and actors and production team members have talked about how the Duffers are super detail oriented perfectionists and also about just how much work and detail and planning goes into every single tiny aspect of this show. So, when it comes to ST, things that are “too deep” (but still supported by evidence) are more likely to be accurate than shallower interpretations.
The depth of my analysis wouldn’t be able to exist if there wasn’t depth in the show. It’s like saying that I’m the one who made the pool deep simply because I’m the one swimming in the deep end- the dudes who built the pool are the ones who made it deep, I’m just splashing around in it.
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costalservices ¡ 2 years ago
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Your Web Design and Images: Why Size Matters
Have you ever sat too close to the movie screen in a theater and everything was blurry and distorted? Have you ever tried to enlarge a picture to make it fit your computer screen? Bad things happen when you try and stretch a picture beyond its limits. You lose focus and resolution.
The resolution of a photo is measured in pixels, which is the smallest bit of information that makes up the photo. If you’ve ever zoomed far, far, in to a photo and seen tiny squares of color, that’s a pixel. There are very specific requirements for the images you use in your web design.
Let’s take a look.
Web Design Header Image/Banner Photos
First of all, the header image or banner photos on your website need to be shot in landscape format, not portrait. (Horizontally instead of vertically.) They must be at least 2000 pixels wide and at least 1000 pixels high. Otherwise, the image may be blurry in website header area. Not the first impression you want to make when someone visits your website.
In addition, when you are taking a photo, make sure the image you are capturing is in the center of the photo and you leave some space on the top, right, bottom and left in case we need to trim the photo.
Website Page Photos
These are photos within a web page, and not a banner at the top. These photos might be of products you sell, staff members, or an image related to what that page is about. Ideally, these images are at least 750 pixels in width and height – the exact specifications will depend on your website design. You want to keep your web pages uniform in appearance, so follow that concept and stick with portrait or landscape images, but not both. Most websites we have designed lately have used landscape images, but there are no set rules.
Blog Post Images
Photos size will depend on your site design. You want to keep your web pages uniform in appearance, so follow that concept. Some clients want a banner image at the top of a blog, while others want photos within the blogs.
Google Business Profile Posts
An image size like 1200 x 900 pixels is preferred but any size works above 400 pixels wide by 300 pixels tall. Try to maintain an aspect ratio of 4:3.
Photo Gallery/Portfolio Images
You’re showcasing your work on your Gallery page or Portfolio page, so you want the images to be of the highest quality. This means they should be the same size as your header image/banner photos. This means they should be at least 2000 pixels wide x 1000 pixels tall, with the same guidelines for how to frame your subject when taking the picture.
How to Tell the Size of an Image on Your Phone or Computer
We’ve talked a lot about why size matters, but not how to tell what size an image is.
On Your Computer
If you’ve ever downloaded images to your computer and saved them, you know that your computer tells you how big the image is. Or maybe you didn’t know. Depending on how you have your Pictures file view set up, you may just need to hover your mouse over an image icon to see the size.  Images taken with a digital camera will almost always have larger dimensions than one taken on a smartphone. Each image will have a number x number. The first number is the number of pixels wide, and the second number is the number of pixels high.
You can also right-click a photo and select Properties, and then select the Details tab. You can then look for the Dimensions under the Image section. (If you could use a screenshot image showing this, that might be helpful.)
On Your Smartphone
On your smartphone, for an iPhone, simply tap on a photo to open it. At the bottom, you may see a small letter i, which stands for information, just like it does in your contacts. Tap on that, and scroll down. You will see a number x number. That first number is the number of pixels wide, and the second number is the number of pixels high.
Always Save the Original of Business-Related Photos
You should always save the original of your business-related photos. We understand you may need to clear room on your phone. Consider putting everything in DropBox, or whatever Cloud service you utilize. The reason? Because those original photos are usually large. We can scale down a photo, but we cannot scale it up.
Schedule a Web Design Consultation
If you need a brand-new business website, or need website redesign of your slow and outdated website, we can help. Call 410-420-9390 or use the contact form to schedule a consultation. We work mainly with small businesses in the Baltimore area.
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s-k-y-w-a-l-k-e-r ¡ 5 years ago
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My GIF making process!
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I’ve been asked many times for a tutorial, but because I get really detailed, I always get overwhelmed by the idea. But I finally decided to buckle down! 
Just so you know: I don’t use PSDs in this, and I don’t import layers to frames or anything like that. I like the hard way—at least in gif making, I believe you get higher quality gifs. Join me as I show you how to make gifs by loading videos directly into the Photoshop timeline and my coloring and sharpening techniques.
Tools used:
Mac OS X (only necessary for the first step, and there are other ways around it with a PC)
Adobe Photoshop
YouTube Purchases (any streaming service will work)
Topics covered:
Obtaining the Source Material
Loading the video file into Photoshop
Prepping, Cropping, and Resizing the Media
Adjustment Layers
Sharpening
Exporting
Obtaining the Source Material
There are a few different methods for obtaining video to work with. Proper YouTube videos are nice, but finding any major motion picture in that format is difficult, if not illegal.
Once I realized I could get really great quality video by doing screen recordings from streaming services, I stopped worrying about finding (and pirating) high resolution video files. So now, I just go to whichever streaming service I need to, pick out the movie or show, find the spot, and record small snippets.
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Mac screen recording instructions:
On a Mac, Command+Shift+5 will bring up the screen recording dialogue. 
Resize the frame of what you want to record within the browser. 
Go to a second or two before, press the “record” button, and then begin playing the video, remembering to keep your cursor out of the recording box. 
Use the Space bar to pause your video when you’ve gotten the snippet you need. Stop the screen recording by clicking the ⏹ button that is in your menu bar at the top of the screen.
Important: when the recording appears in the bottom right of your screen, click on it, and then trim the video on either end. This will help your computer convert the video file to the type that can be opened by Photoshop.
Click “done” and it will appear on your desktop, ready to be used!
PC Users: ??? Here’s a Google search I did for you
 Loading the video file into Photoshop
Lots of people use this process for making gifs (a great tutorial!). I didn’t even know it existed until last summer, when I’d already been giffing for years. I wish I could still do something like that with these screen recordings, but the files are absolutely HUGE, especially on Macs with double retina displays, which actually increase the dpi by a lot. Making screencaps of them fills up my hard drive, almost immediately—even when I’ve got 20 gigs of free space to work with. So what do we do? We just. Open the file. In Photoshop. Et voila!
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You can do this with any type of video, not just screen recordings.
 Prepping, Cropping, and Resizing the Media
When Photoshop loads your videos up, it makes the video hilariously fast (something about frame conversion). You must slow it down for it to look natural. THIS MUST BE DONE BEFORE YOU RESZE. Your Photoshop timeline window should be at the bottom of the screen. See that little triangle in the top right of the video? 
Click on it, and a menu will appear to change speed and duration.
Change the speed first- usually between 80-85% will seem realistic. (I actually went a little faster than I usually would on this at almost 86%—I don’t recommend this)
Press the button next to duration and pull the toggle all the way to the far right (if you don’t do this, full length of the video will be cut off).
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Now you’ll want to crop it. Ever since Tumblr upped its GIF size limit, I have been playing around with 7:5 ratios, but let’s go with 3:2 for now. Use the Crop tool, pick out 3:2 in the top left (it may say 2:3, but you can switch that) and then find the most suitable spot in your gif for that. Hit enter on your keyboard.
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Some things to keep in mind when cropping:
Most videos come in 16:9 ratio (BoRhap is even wider). If it’s a wide shot, you’ll need to do the full 16:9 to not lose anything. Of course, experiment and find what’s right for you!
As you can see above, I moved forward in the timeline and made the crop to a point in the video when the broadest movement was happening.
Certain videos WILL have a black or red bar that may be imperceptible until you’ve already exported the gif. Just crop in a little tighter on top and bottom to avoid them.
Now you’ll need to resize your gif to be the correct size for Tumblr. If you don’t use Tumblr’s exact dimensions, your gifs (as uploaded) will appear blurry or pixellated. We’re doing a full-width gif here, which is 540px. On a Mac, I use Command+Option+I (for “Image Size) to open the resize dialogue. You can also find it under Image->Image size...
Make sure to also have “Resample” checked. Lately I’ve been playing around to see if different options are better. Most GIF makers use “Bicubic Sharper (Reduction)” and they are not wrong to do so. I’ve just been unhappy with it lately, so I have been trying this other setting out, “Bicubic (smooth gradients)”.
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Click OK. A dialogue may come up that asks if you want to convert to a Smart Object. The answer is yes, okay, do it. The only major caveat is that you can’t go back and change the timeline speed. That’s why we did it first. But you can preview the speed now that it’s smaller, and if you don’t like it, use Command+Z (or “Undo”) and go back a couple steps to get the speed you like.
You may find, especially on a Mac screen (and possibly other displays), that at 100% your gif looks too small to be 540px. That is the curse and blessing of working with super-high resolution hardware. Zoom in to 200% and proceed about your business. This is what it will look like on Tumblr.
You may find it helpful at this point to begin by defining the beginning and end of your gif by moving around these bumpers. It’s safe to keep gifs under 02:00f in length. Under half of 01:00f will be way too short. (I tend to overshoot in length and then trim the beginning and the end once I see how big the gifs are upon exporting.)
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��Adjustment Layers
Now the creativity and fun begin!
There are a LOT of ways to get creative here. I’m going to keep it simple, very simple, but I strongly recommend opening up a new adjustment layer of each type and trying to figure out what each does!
You’ll find the adjustment layer menu at the bottom of the Layers window.
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Curves
There are a lot of ways to make Curves work for you! It can do the job of Brightness/Contrast, it can do Levels, it can do Color Balance! We’re going to use it mainly to help with brightness here, but also to level out some of the tones. One of the quick tricks you can do is use the droppers on the left side of the Properties window. There are three- one with a white tip, one gray, one black. These can help define what your white tones are (and whether they need to be more of one color or another), and so on with your blacks. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; in this case, I think it doesn’t:
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That looks totally blown out and somehow also too dark!
So instead, we’re going to use that little hand with the finger pointing out and some arrows pointing up and down. This lets you define which sections you want to get brighter or darker, and how much. It doesn’t do color correction. In the example below, you can see I dragged up on a white spot and down on a dark spot. Then, I moved points around on the curve itself to refine (which the gif here doesn’t show...).
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Vibrance/Saturation x2
Next, I’ve been using @gwil-lee​‘s Vibrance/Saturation trick (I know you said you learned it from someone else, but I learned it from you!). 
Create a Vibrance Adjustment layer, bump the values up a bunch, and then change its Fill to somewhere between 2-9%. Change the Blend Mode to Color Burn. Then make a copy of that layer keeping everything the same, but make it Color Dodge. I can’t quite define what these do, but it makes it punchier!
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Color Balance
Most people are familiar with this. For this gif, I’m going to make the shadows more Cyan/Blue and the highlights more Red/Yellow. Just a few points each. 
Exposure
I brought the Exposure up a bit, but not enough for you to need to read about, haha.
Selective Color
Here’s where you make fine adjustments to colors. This particular scene is extremely simple, color-wise, so keep it simple. I’m going to bump up the cyans/blues, take up the black by just a point or two, and maybe bump up the yellows and reds a tiny bit. (And as always, remember, the “opposite” of cyan is red, the opposite of magenta is green, and the opposite of yellow is blue. CMY/RGB!)
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I think at this point I’m going to call it with the adjustment layers. You can go absolutely hogwild with more of them! But at this point, I’m ready to start sharpening!
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 Sharpening
I do three sharpening filters these days. These are all under Filter->Sharpen. Make sure your media layer (default called Layer 1) is selected as we go through this! (Also, this can really take a toll on your processor, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
Sharpen- This layer does the basic job
Smart Sharpen (Amount: 10%, Radius: 10, Reduce Noise: 4% Gaussian Blur)- This layer gives texture
Smart Sharpen (Amount: 500, Radius: 0.3, Reduce Noise: 12% Gaussian Blur)- This layer gives refined sharpening and smoothing
Fiddle with these as needed! Let your gif play all the way through- this may go slowly as your processor works on it. Make sure the beginning and end points make sense.
 Exporting
After You’re going to have to use File->Export->Save For Web (Legacy)... or use the shortcut of Shift+Option+Command+S. This could take some time for the dialogue to pop up! Be patient.
In my opinion, these are the best gif export settings for crisp edges and no noise:
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Now you see how big the file is in the bottom left. Tumblr won’t let you upload anything bigger than 10MB and it’s safer to stay under 9MB, in my experience. When your gif is too big, you have a couple options. You can close the dialogue and change the length of your gif. 
OR, you can uncheck “Interlaced” and bump up the lossy to 1 or or more. This will create noise. Sometimes, that’s a good thing!
Here’s without lossy:
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Here’s WITH lossy: (Honestly in a fast moving gif like this, it’s almost imperceptible, but I can see it!)
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And now that I’ve exported, I can see what there’s a little black line on the bottom! So I’m going to trim that off and call it good! You can see the full gifset here.
Hope you enjoyed! Reblog if you try this out or learned anything. Feel free to reach out with questions any time!
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reilly310 ¡ 5 years ago
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The “eyes” have it
Did you know?
A study, conducted at the University of Glasgow in 2013, found that Eye Reflections in Photos Can Reliably Identify Who's Behind the Lens.
To test how effective a mirror the cornea was, researchers took passport-style photos of college students in a lab setting. Bystanders were placed a few feet away, facing the subjects, while the photos were being taken. When the researchers zoomed in on the subjects' eyes in the photos, they were able to see pixelated versions of the bystanders' faces.
  “...the scientists found that study participants could correctly identify most of those tiny faces. When the bystanders were strangers, participants could correctly match a pixelated photo with a higher-quality headshot 71 percent of the time. When the reflected faces were people the participants knew, the rate of successful identification jumped to 84 percent. “
In this study, the researchers used a high resolution camera (39 megapixels).  As a result, their reflections were clearer than what the average cellphone camera would produce under the same conditions (The 2016 IPhone 7, for example, has a resolution of 12 megapixels).  The study concluded, though, that, if the viewer knew the person reflected, they could identify them even when the picture was blurry.
“Previous psychological research has established that humans can identify faces from extremely poor quality images, when they are familiar with the faces concerned. For example, [the researchers] found that viewers could identify blurred photographs of familiar faces with equivalent image resolutions as low as 7×10 pixels.”
Identifiable Images of Bystanders Extracted from Corneal Reflections 
The researchers used a pixelated image of Barack Obama as their example. 
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For our fandom, the equivalent would be a pixelated image of this guy.
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Subjects in the study were reflected in a human’s eye.  If a human eye, with a cornea measuring approx 11.5 mm in diameter, can capture reflections, imagine what a cat’s cornea, measuring 16.5 mm in diameter, might reveal.
Maybe we don’t have to just imagine, though.....
Say a cat (we’ll call her Eddie) received a jaunty Christmas bell collar in December 2016 that she felt was beneath her dignity to wear.
She may have felt compelled to glare at the person (or people) responsible for said gift as they were taking her picture.
Let’s take a look and see if we can identify, with at least reasonable certainty, who she might have been plotting revenge against looking at.
Original picture posted by Cait on 12/25/2016
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The picture has been cropped and enlarged below with the most prominent reflection (person #1) on Eddie’s left eye, circled.
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Below, the image has been further cropped and enlarged, again with the reflection circled. Tilt your head just a bit to the left.  Do you see it yet?
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If not, no worries.  In the following gif, I’ve tinted the reflection with sepia and enhanced the image using contrast and lighting tools (from a free, online site..nothing fancy).  At the end of the gif, I’ve removed the background to show only the reflected face.
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Now that we have an enhanced face of person #1, is there a reflection of person #2?  Though it’s harder to see, I happen to think so.
Below I’ve gifed the progression of highlighting person #2.  I used the same photo enhancement tools as with person #1 (sepia tint, contrast and lighting) but also added color tints for the phone (white) and sleeves (red).  ( Note:  I can’t say for sure that she’s wearing a shirt with long sleeves, but I wanted to break up the monotony of the sepia tones, in part to make it easier for you to distinguish the hand that’s covering part of her face from her face itself.)
As the image emerges below, you will first see her arms/hands and phone and then her face/hair.
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Next, similar to what the University of Glasgow researchers did in their study, let’s compare the reflections to an actual picture of the likely subject. 
Person #1 appears to have a beard, or at least several days worth of facial hair, and he’s wearing glasses. (Though appearing dark-tinted in the reflection, these would be regular glasses.) His hair is light in color and looks longish on top with some curl there and over his ear.  His overall appearance seems casual/scruffy, like he’s a man on hiatus from work, hanging out at home “sort of personally” with his cat and...well...his Cait.
Here is the reflection side-by-side with a picture of scruffy Sam from a more recent hiatus.
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And here, I overlay the two images.
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Moving on to person #2, here’s a side-by-side of her reflection with a recent picture of Cait.  (I flipped the 2019 picture so that her head was tilted in the same direction as the one in the 2016 reflection.)   I didn’t overlay these images, but Cait being there is a pretty safe bet.  After all, she took/posted the picture.
Like Sam, Cait appears to be wearing glasses in the reflected image with one lens visible and the other blending in with her dark hair color. 
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In summary:
The picture of Eddie was taken in a less ideal setting, in terms of lighting, and with a lower resolution camera (likely an Iphone with 12 megapixels) than those taken in the University study.
Despite this, images of two faces can be seen reflected in Eddie’s eye.
As in the study, the “bystanders” (Sam and Cait in this case) were close to the “subject” of the photo (Eddie).  How can I deduce this?  Because pictures of the “pancake kitchen”,  where this picture was taken, were posted on a public realty site when the flat was for sale, so the layout of the kitchen is known.  ( *See “re-enactment” photo ...term used loosely here...below.)
Because I am very familiar with their faces, I am able to recognize that the images reflected in Eddie’s eye bear a strong resemblance to Sam and Cait and, therefore, conclude with reasonable certainty that it is them. 
Reflections aside, the cat collar always screamed “picked out by Sam” to me.
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* “Re-enactment” picture
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It probably won’t come as a surprise that the idea to do this “re-enactment” came to me in the early morning hours on a night I had insomnia.  I combined both the reflected faces and Cait’s reflected hands/arms with stick figure art, found online, for their bodies. The result is...well...not art .. but a cute, if a bit silly, rendition of the scene showing you approximately where SC would have been in relation to Eddie. 
It’s not perfectly accurate, of course.  In reality...
SC were likely sitting at Eddie’s level or at least crouched down to it.
Eddie was sitting on that location of the table but turned toward SC.
Based on the size of his reflection vs Cait’s, Sam’s face was probably a bit closer to Eddie than Cait’s was when the picture was snapped. 
Sam was probably not wearing a necktie and was (probably?) wearing pants. ☺ (Cait would so wear that dress, though.)
As an aside, even though there’s no proof of where Sam’s arms are from the reflection, I like that his stick figure arm just couldn’t help but go around Cait’s shoulder.  Art imitating life.
So there you have it.  Do you see what I see?  Don’t see it?  See it, but don’t want to believe it?  I respect all opinions, but this is meant to be something fun to speculate about (Remember fun?  I know it’s rare in our fandom these days.), so maybe give that a try or, if not, scroll on by. 
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thewritewolf ¡ 5 years ago
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Kitten Love
Hello! This fic was written for @anotherblog1234, who you’ll find more on instagram or deviantart than on tumblr! Psyclopathe, I hope you enjoy this fluffy one shot! :D
@mlsecretsanta
Marinette isn't complaining when Adrien suddenly asked her out, although she *is* very worried about their first date... Meanwhile, Adrien - who hadn't thought this through - is struggling to come up with a good first date idea.
Enjoy!
Read on
Ao3
.
Adrien paced back and forth in front of the windows in his rooms. His face was a mask of determination and his hands were folded behind his back as he put all his focus into the task at hand. He suddenly stopped and stood straight, turning on his heels to face Plagg as he put his fist in his hand. Naturally, the cat kwami was simply watching him, bored out of his mind.
“Okay, I’ve got it - Imagine this,” Adrien began, “A candlelit dinner at the most prestigious restaurant in all of Paris. I hire a violinist to accompany us. The perfect, classic romantic date.” Adrien put his hands on his hips and grinned.
To his annoyance, Plagg just yawned and scratched behind his ears. After a few moments he looked back at Adrien. “Oh? Was that all? I assumed there was something more than that.”
Crossing his arms, Adrien pouted and asked, “What’s wrong with a classic candlelit dinner?”
“‘Classic’, huh? Unoriginal, overdone, cliche.” Plagg shrugged. “I mean, I don’t care either way, but if you’re gonna bother me about this, at least make it something new.”
“Yeah, okay, fine.” Adrien rolled his eyes and got back to pacing, ignoring the gross eating noises Plagg was making. If two years wasn’t enough to help him tune it out, nothing would be. His eyes widened and he snapped his fingers. “What about a theater production? Or maybe an opera!” A grin spread across his face. “She’s gone to plays before, so I’m sure she’d love this one!”
Frustratingly, Plagg remained unmoved. In a deadpan voice, he said, “Right, staying quiet for hours at a time in the dark, surrounded by strangers. Ideal stuff for talking and getting to know each other.”
“We know plenty about each other!”
“Kid, look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to spend the whole date learning about her.”
Adrien struggled to meet his kwami’s face and folded immediately, his shoulders hunching forward in a sad slouch.
“Besides,” Plagg continued, ignoring his chosen’s distress, “I know you and you’d probably take her somewhere way too high class.”
“It is what she deserves,” Adrien said, glaring at Plagg.
“But isn’t not what she’s used to. For someone like Marinette, it would all be too overwhelming. Think something simpler, more down to earth.” Plagg pulled out his second cheese wheel. Adrien was running out of time with Plagg being even moderately invested in helping plan this date.
“Down to earth… What about a trip to our cabin at the Alps? That’s pretty earthy, right? And it’d be just the two of us for a weekend. Well,” Adrien conceded, “and maybe the Gorilla stopping by to check up on us.”
Plagg stared at him. “This is a first date, young man. Not a honeymoon. You’ll give her a heart attack if you do something like that.”
“Plagg!” Adrien whined. “What should I do! You’ve shot down all of my ideas.”
“Jeez, kid, just go somewhere that you’re both together and having fun.” The kwami gulped down the last of his cheese and zoomed into the air. “Now leave me out of this!”
The last thing Adrien saw of Plagg as he vanished under the bedsheets was his ears and long tail. He put a hand to his chin.
“Together… having fun…”
Adrien’s face brightened. This idea was bound to be a winner!
--------------
“Marinette, you look fine. You can stop that now.”
She paused in the middle of another brush stroke and shot her kwami a desperate look. “I can’t just look ‘fine’, Tikki! I have to look perfect!”
“Somehow, I don’t think Adrien will be able to tell the difference between your tenth and your fiftieth time brushing your hair.” Tikki glanced toward the pile of clothes on her bed. “Or, for that matter, your second or tenth outfit.”
“But I need to-”
Tikki zoomed in front of her face. “Relax, Marinette. He already cares about you. The fact that he asked you out is already proof of that. And besides,” she added, landing on her shoulder, “didn’t he say to dress casually? Surely you won’t need to worry too much about your hair if that’s the case.”
“I… guess,” Marinette said, biting her lower lip. She stood up and started pacing her room. “But this could be my one and only chance to make sure he falls for me. I have to really nail it. Otherwise, I might lose him for good.”
“Marinette… I know for sure that he thinks the world of you. There isn’t anything you can do to scare him off now.”
“You can’t know that! I don’t even know what I’m going to say when he gets here!”
Tikki seemed like she was about to respond when her antennae twitched and she glanced toward the trapdoor. She smiled and said, “You’d better figure it out fast,” before phasing into Marinette’s purse.
There wasn’t any time to puzzle out what she meant before there was a knock on her door.
“Hello?” Came a very familiar voice. “Your parents said you were up here. Can I come in?”
A surge of panic filled her as she glanced around her room at the many Adrien posters and she dove for the door, blocking it with her body. Her drastic measures weren’t necessary as Adrien didn’t even try to open it.
“Are you okay? I thought I heard something fall.”
“Y-yes! I’m fine! Just, um, just finishing getting ready. I- I’ll meet you in the living room?”
There was a pause from just below her. “Okay. Take your time!”
She listened to him trudge downstairs before letting out a sigh of relief. Tikki emerged from her purse and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at her chosen.
“What? I can’t have him see all this!” She gestured to the pictures of Adrien modeling and the pile of discarded clothes. “Now I just… sit here for a minute and go into the living room.”
“You know,” Tikki replied while looking at one of the larger posters, “you probably can take them down soon.” A smile warmed her tiny face as she turned her attention to Marinette. “Then you can start replacing them with pictures you take on your future dates.”
Her heart raced and her head felt light as she stood up. “Future… dates…?”
“Mhm. The ones I know you two will have.” Tikki returned to her purse, poking her head out as she added, “Now go get that boy!”
Marinette nodded resolutely and marched down the stairs. She could do this! All this time, she’d been getting better talking to Adrien. Getting to understand him as a friend. They knew each other, they had a great foundation to build a relationship off of. Adrien wasn’t anyone to be scared of.
That’s what she was telling herself as she turned the corner and entered the room. Adrien was seated on the couch facing away from her, but he must have heard her enter since his head whirled around to look at her. When she saw how his face lit up when his eyes landed on her, saw the bouquet of tulips (her favorites!) that he’d brought her, she realized she was right, even as her heart jumped to her throat.
Adrien wasn’t scary.
He was just very, very painfully cute.
...Marinette wasn’t sure if this was any better.
--------------------
The walk to their destination was meandering and filled with light conversation. Questions about her latest designs, his photoshoots, classwork, everything to pass the time. Once she got into the groove of it, past her own nerves, it was almost like talking with an old friend. Which, she realized with a start, he was. Two years of friendship and now it was turning into something more. She couldn’t be happier.
...At least, that was what she thought until they finally arrived. She glanced at Adrien in confusion.
“...An animal shelter?”
Adrien rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I know it’s not the usual first date, but… they’re having a special meet and greet with kittens today,” he cleared this throat and added, “among other things.” He looked back at her bashfully. “...Is that okay?”
She clapped excitedly and hugged him. “I love it!” Her eyes flew open and she was gripped with panic for a moment. Was this too much too quickly? Was she invading his space? But those doubts melted away when he returned the hug.
“I’m glad,” he whispered. “Now come on! We’ve got baby kitties to pet!”
As he grabbed her hand and pulled her along, Marinette felt herself loosen up. Adrien spoke with the receptionist and was given directions to a room in the back. When they entered the room, they were immediately greeted by the sounds of over a dozen tiny kittens meowing at everything they could find. Including each other. The door opening attracted the attention of some of them, who immediately began trying to climb their way up the smooth waist-high wall blocking them from the only exit.
Marinette glanced over at Adrien, who almost looked on the verge of tears from happiness. She could understand the feeling as she stepped over the barrier and was immediately mobbed by kittens trying to climb their way up her dress. The kitten who had climbed the furthest found itself snatched up by Marinette and given kisses to the top of its head. It mewed in protest as she sat down.
After a few moments she noticed the one she was holding was the only one that was still near her. She looked up and immediately covered her mouth with her hand when she saw where they had all gone.
Just like her, Adrien had sat down and immediately began drowning in baby kitties. Almost all the kittens in the pen were drawn to him, clambering awkwardly over her date. A few were sitting in front of him, mewing as if to attract his attention. Others were making good use of his Agreste-brand jacket to get a good foothold as they climbed. Four sat all in a heap in his lap, purring contently as his hands briefly darted between them. One particularly intrepid kitten sat on top of his head and meowed in triumph… at least until Adrien picked him up and set him back on the ground.
Remembering what Tikki had said, she pulled out her phone and took a few pictures of the ridiculously adorable scene. Her giggling drew his attention and her breath caught when she saw just how happy he was. She was well acquainted with his model smile - it stared down at her everyday - but this was one that she had only seen drawn from him a few times before. She reflexively took another photo before setting down her phone.
His eyes trailed downward and his head tilted curiously when he saw what was in her lap.
There was amusement in his voice as he asked, “Is that the only black cat you like?”
She glanced down at the same time that the kitten looked up at her with big, green eyes. With her index finger she scratched it between the ears, coaxing a purr from the little guy.
“Well, at least this one doesn’t tell cat puns all the time.”
Adrien smirked. “Furreal? But cat puns are clawesome!”
“Sometimes, but there are other kinds of puns out there.”
“Hm…” Adrien tapped his chin. “So you’re saying Chat Noir should expand his act.” The black kitten meowed loudly, making Adrien laugh. “Not you, kitten noir.”
Marinette giggled despite herself. The time passed by quickly after that and eventually Adrien emerged from the pile of kittens, stretching his legs as he did so. They still tried to cling onto him and Marinette had to check him to make sure no determined stragglers were still hitching a ride.
“Are you sure we can’t play with the kittens some more?”
“We can come back later if you really want,” Adrien replied as they reached another door. “I just thought you’d want to see what’s in here.”
Curious, Marinette gently pushed open the door… only to see a glass maze filled with-
“Hamsters?” Suspicion bloomed in her gut.
“Yeah! I heard you wanted one when- um…”
“Adrien… When what?”
“When we… have a family together?”
A pit of dread opened up in her gut. In a small voice she said, “...What? How did you-”
Adrien was rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “So you know like two weeks ago when you left behind your sketchbook and Alya found it and gave it back to you?”
Her jaw dropped. “No…”
“I was the one who found it.” He wrung his hands in front of himself, unable to meet her eyes.
“Did you-”
“Read it? Yeah.” He looked as embarrassed as she felt and she buried her face in her hands. How was she ever going to look him in the eye again? “I didn’t mean to! But it was already open and I immediately got dragged off to a photoshoot and the designs were so good…” He looked at her apologetically. “I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.”
“But…” The word was said with such sly confidence that it made Marinette look up at him again. “For what it’s worth, I think Marinette Agreste doesn’t sound half as nice as Adrien Dupain-Cheng.”
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nickburn ¡ 4 years ago
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Things I Enjoyed in 2020 Despite Everything
Seasons Greetings! This year has felt like an eternity for so many reasons, and before it’s over, I’d like to take a look back on the distractions that got me through it. Along the way, I’ll occasionally point out where I was emotionally at the time and whether I got into a particular thing before or after the pandemic hit in mid March. I hope you enjoy this little retrospective of some of my experience during one of the worst years of human history!
Games & Mods
Might & Magic VI: The Mandate of Heaven
When I was making my 2020 resolutions list late last year, one of my goals was to play more old games in my backlog and not buy many new games this year. That goal largely went on hold, because, well, I sought out enjoyment wherever I could find it instead of forcing myself to play one thing or another. But before Covid, I was really enjoying my new playthrough of M&M6. I’d made attempts at it before, but it was really GrayFace’s mod that made the game click for me. Modern features like quick saves and mouselook make the game much more accessible, and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to try an old-school RPG. It’s a great stepping stone into a mostly-dead genre. I’m hoping to get back to it soon. I just jumped ship to simpler ventures like Doom Eternal after the pandemic hit and haven’t looked back since.
Pathologic 2
I learned about the Pathologic series late last year and have since become a little obsessed with it. Hbomberguy’s lengthy video essay on the original game really intrigued me and lead me to trying the sequel/remake in April via Xbox Game Pass. In a weird way, it was cathartic to be a doctor in an even more dire situation than our current one and still see signs of the townsfolk trying to help each other deal with a supernatural plague and little help from their local government. The game helped me express a lot of what I was feeling at the time, when I was still getting used to working from home and wondering just how long this could go on for. I’ve gone back to it recently, and I’m hoping to finish it someday, if I can find a way to stop dying. Above all, Pathologic 2 teaches you how to make choices in no-win scenarios with little information or resources and still persevere, despite the world going to Hell around you. And that’s maybe the most important thing to practice at the moment.
Overwatch
I’ve continued to look forward to weekly Overwatch nights with my friends every Thursday, and it’s really important to have something like that right now. Even if it’s just a new episode of a show airing, a new video from a favorite YouTuber, or a regular Zoom call with coworkers, it helps so much to have something to anticipate from week to week and month to month. Otherwise, it’s really easy to feel like nothing’s going on besides the entropic deterioration of the universe. Overwatch itself helps with this, because it’s such a positive, bright, and optimistic game, as only Blizzard can create. And it’s improved a ton in the past couple of years, in a lot of ways. If you haven’t played in a while, hop in and check out all the new content with your friends; I think you’ll have a great time. It’s looking more and more like Overwatch 2 is right around the corner, and I’m very much looking forward to it.
Go
I learned how to play Go after watching a documentary released this year about  AlphaGo, the computer that beat the Go world champion, and I have a huge appreciation for the game now. I think it’s even more beautiful than chess, though even more insidious to learn. If you haven’t played before, start with a 9x9 board, teach yourself the basics, and try playing with another beginner friend. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the amount of strategy and imagination that a game ostensibly about placing black and white stones on a grid can inspire. Go’s one of several new hobbies I’ve picked up this year, and those new hobbies have really helped me pass the time in a way that feels productive as well as take my mind off whatever depressing news just got blasted across Twitter.
Doom 64
Doom Eternal was fine, but Doom 64′s where my heart lies. The PC port on Steam is great, allowing everyone to easily play the game with mouse and keyboard. Its levels are tight and colorful, often asking the player to backtrack multiple times through the same areas to unlock new ones and take on whatever new twists await down each darkened corridor. It’s a surprisingly fresh experience. Unlike many modern Doom mods that strive to be sprawling marathons, 64′s levels are short but memorable, and the game is a great entry point to the series for newcomers because of that. Retro FPS’s continue to inspire and entertain me, and Doom 64 is one of my new favorites.
Golf With Your Friends
I’m not usually that into party games, but Golf With Your Friends strikes the right balance between casual tone and skill-based gameplay. The maps are vibrant and devious, the different modes are creative and often hilarious, and the pacing is near-perfect. If you’ve got a squad itching to play something together for a few nights, I guarantee you’ll have a lot of laughs trying to knock an opponent off the course or turning them into an acorn just as they’re about to attempt a nasty jump.
Quake 1 Mods
I probably sound like a broken record by now to a lot of you, but I won’t rest until I get more people into retro FPS’s. The outdated graphics and simple gameplay can be off-putting at first, but it doesn’t take long at all to get hooked after you’ve played the likes of excellent mods like Ancient Aliens for Doom 2 or Arcane Dimensions for Quake 1. And it’s only getting better, with this year marking probably the best year for Quake releases ever. The industry even seems to be taking notice again, with many talented mappers getting picked up for highly-anticipated, professional indie projects like Graven and Prodeus. And while the marketing around the retro FPS renaissance as the second coming of “boomer shooters” should be much maligned, the actual craft involved in making mods and brand new games in the genre has never been stronger. I even contributed four levels to the cause this year, but you’ll have to play them yourself to decide if they’re any good: https://www.quaddicted.com/reviews/?filtered=burnham.
Streets of Rage 4
I had not tried Steam Remote Play before this year, but it works surprisingly well if you have a decent internet connection. Because of Remote Play, I was able to complete Streets of Rage 4 with my friends, and it was very close to the experiences I had as a kid playing brawlers like Turtles in Time on the Super Nintendo. The game is just hard enough to make you sweat during the boss fights but just easy enough that the average group of gamers can complete it in a night or two, which is ideal for adults with not a lot of free time.
Hard Lads
Hard Lads is a pure delight of a game by Robert Yang about the beauty of a viral video from 2015 called “British lads hit each other with chair,” which is even more ridiculous than it sounds. It made me smile and laugh for a good half hour, and I think it’ll do the same for you.
Commander MtG
The Commander format for Magic: the Gathering is one of my favorite things, and in 2020, I dug into it more than any other year. More so even than playing or watching it being played, I created decklists for hours and hours, dreaming up new, creative strategies for winning games or just surprising my imaginary opponents. I sincerely believe this little ritual of finding a new legendary creature to build around and spending a few days crafting a brew for it got me through the majority of this summer. I didn’t have a lot of creative energy this year, but I was able to channel the little I did have into this hobby. Especially during the longer, more frustrating or depressing days at work when I had nothing else to do or just needed a break, I could often dive back into card databases and lose myself in the process of picking exactly the cards that best expressed what I wanted to do for any given deck. And it’s nice to know I can always fall back on that.
Yu-Gi-Oh!
I played a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! growing up but never had the cards or the skill to be particularly good at it. I just knew I enjoyed the game and the 4Kids show, but I quickly them behind when I got to high school. Fast forward to 2020, and the game and franchise have evolved substantially, not always for the better. But I do find it so intriguing, with a skeptical kind of adoration. It’s not nearly as well-supported as Magic, but what it does have are gigantic anime monsters on tiny cards with enough lines of text to make your head spin. And it’s so interesting to me that a franchise like that can continue to thrive alongside more elegant games like the Pokemon TCG and Hearthstone. And the further I’ve delved into how the game has changed since I stopped playing, the more invested I’ve become, going so far as to start buying cards again and looking into possible decks I might enjoy playing. An unequivocal win for Yu-Gi-Oh! is Speed Duel, which seeks to bring old players back to the game with a watered-down, nostalgia-laden format with fewer mechanics and a much smaller card pool. So if all you want to do is pit a Blue Eyes White Dragon against a Dark Magician, that’s 100% still there for you, but the competitive scene is still alive, well, and astoundingly complicated. And I think that’s kind of beautiful.
Black Mesa
I wasn’t expecting to have the tech to play Half Life: Alyx this year, so Black Mesa seemed like the next best thing. And it really is a love letter to the first game, even if it’s far from perfect. I even prefer the original, but I did very much enjoy my time with this modern reimagining. If you’ve never played a Half Life game before, I think it’s a great place to start.
VR via the Oculus Quest
Around halfway through this year, I started to get really stir crazy and yeah, pretty depressed. It seemed like I’d be stuck in the same boring cycle forever, and I know for a lot of people, it still feels like that. So VR seemed like the perfect escape from this dubious reality where you can’t even take a safe vacation trip anymore. And you know, I think it works really well for that purpose. The Oculus Quest is especially effective, doing away with cords or cables so you have as much freedom as you have free real estate in your home. I don’t have a lot of space in my studio apartment, but I have enough to see the potential of the medium, which is completely worth it. Next gen consoles are neat and all, but I’ve got my heart set on picking up the Quest 2 as soon as possible.
* Beat Saber
I was most looking forward to trying Beat Saber on the Quest, and I was not disappointed. You’d think rhythm games had reached their peak with Rock Band and DDR, but the genre keeps on giving with gems like this. It’s hard to convey if you’ve never tried it, but the game succeeds so well in getting your entire body into the rhythm of whatever song you’re slashing through.
* Half Life: Alyx
Again, I really did not expect to be able to experience this game as intended this year, and I still don’t think I really have. The Oculus Link for the Quest is admittedly a little janky, and my PC barely meets the minimum specs to even run the game. And yet, despite that, Alyx is one of my top three games of 2020 and maybe one of my all-time favorites. Even as I was losing frames and feeling the game struggle to keep up with all the AI Combine soldiers running around, I was still having a blast. For me, it is one of the best reasons to seek out and own VR and a pinnacle of game design in its own right.
Hades
For me, Hades has mostly been similar to every other Supergiant Game that I’ve played: fun and well-polished but ultimately not engaging enough to play for very long. And there’s always this sheen of trying to be too clever with their dialogue, narration, and music that rubs me the wrong way. But Hades is certainly their best game, and I can’t deny the effect it’s had on people, much like Bastion’s reception back in 2011. And I’m really hoping Hades gets more people into roguelikes, as a more accessible and story-driven approach to the genre. Timing-wise, I wish it hadn’t come out around the same time as Spelunky, because I think it did make some people choose one over the other, when the best choice is to play both and realize they’re going for very different experiences. The precise, unforgiving, arcade-like style of Spelunky isn’t fun for everyone, though, and Hades is thankfully there to fill in that gap. I’m really glad I found more time to play it this year at least to succeed on one escape attempt; it’s a fun game to think about in a game design context. And I do think the game has a lot of merit and is doing some clever things with difficulty that the studio likely could not have honed nearly so well without the help of Early Access. The most impressive part of the game to me is not the story or the music or the combat but the massive amount of contextual dialogue they somehow found time to program, write, and record at a consistently high level. All of this is just to say, Hades is obviously one of the best games of the year, and you should play it if you have any interest in it at all.
Spelunky 2
I’ve spoken a lot about this game on Twitter, so I’m not going to rehash much of that here. For me, it’s been a journey of over 1,000 attempts to learn the intricacies and secrets of a deep and demanding game that’s been as frustrating as it’s been rewarding. But it remains a constant source of learning and discovery as well as mastery and pride for me, and I still have hopes of reaching the Cosmic Ocean and getting all the trophies someday. It’s been a joy to watch other Spelunky players too, even as some fair worse than me and others fair far better. And the Daily challenge keeps me coming back, because seeing my name high up on the leaderboard just makes me feel so damn good (or at least I’ll get a good laugh out of a hilarious death). At its heart, Spelunky is a community endeavor, and I think it succeeds at that better than almost any other game this side of Dark Souls. I think it is my Game of the Year or at least tied with Alyx, I really can’t decide. If you don’t think you’d enjoy it, all I’ll say is, the frustration and difficulty are integral to the experience of discovery and surprise, and your brain is better at video games than you think.
Chess
Okay, yes, I watched and enjoyed The Queen’s Gambit, but I think 2020 had already primed people to get into chess this year regardless. Like Yu-Gi-Oh!, chess was a childhood pastime of mine that I really enjoyed and then quickly left behind as I discovered things like music and the internet. If I had to assign a theme to my 2020, it would be rediscovering old hobbies to remind myself how good life actually is. And now I’m more committed to chess than I ever was before. I’m watching international masters and grand masters on YouTube (as well as the incomparable Northernlion), I’m playing regularly on Chess.com, and I’m even paying for lessons and probably my own theory books soon. Like most fighting games, chess is a complicated form of dueling a single opponent with zero randomness, so mistakes are always on you. And modern chess platforms offer extremely good analysis tools, showing you exactly how, when, and why you screwed up so you can do better next time. Like Hearthstone, it’s a quick, addicting, tense, and rewarding way to train your brain and have fun. And it seems more popular now than ever, in part due to a certain Netflix original TV show...
TV
The Queen’s Gambit
I think a lot of people want to be Beth Harmon, even if they know they shouldn’t. It must feel so good to be the best at something and know you’re the best, even while under the influence of certain substances. It’s what makes characters like Dr. Gregory House so fun to watch, though you’d never want to work with the guy. For me, anyway, I always wanted to be a prodigy at something, and what little success I’ve had made The Queen’s Gambit very relatable to me. More so, it’s easy to relate to growing up in a conservative environment with few real friends and fewer outlets of expression, only to realize you’ve finally found your thing, and that no one can take it from you. That’s mostly what I’m going to take from The Queen’s Gambit anyway, more than chess or the Cold War commentary or the problematic relationships Beth has with her cadre of rivals/boyfriends. The show gets a strong recommendation from me for fans of chess as well as lovers of optimistic coming-of-age stories.
March Comes in Like a Lion
Similarly, March Comes in Like a Lion features a protagonist who is scarily close to a version of myself from like eight years ago. My best friend has been urging me to watch this show for years, and I’m still only a few episodes in. But I love how it portrays a young person who’s moved to a big city away from home for the first time, with nothing more than some meager possessions and the hopes of becoming the best in the world at something. And Rei is not confident in himself or outgoing at all, he’s extremely depressed despite pursuing his dreams and trying to distance himself from his somewhat toxic family. It’s a great reminder that the smallest kindnesses can often change our entire perspective on the world, and that even the people that seem the most well-equipped to handle life often still need help. I’ve been very fortunate to have people like that despite mistakes I’ve made, and I hope to be that person for others too.
Umbrella Academy
I’m pretty burnt out on superheroes, but UA put a good enough spin on them that they felt brand new. The show is rough in places, but it’s surprising in some really clever ways. And the comics are some of the wildest stories I’ve ever read, like Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Watchmen.
HunterXHunter
I binged about 100 of the 148 episodes of HxH this year, which I recognize is not a significant number in the wider world of long-running shounen anime, but it’s quite an undertaking for me to finish a show of this length. The series goes places I never expected and made me care so strongly for characters I thought I’d hate at first. It’s the smartest and most endearing show about a band of misfits going on crazy adventures and punching people for the good of the world that you’re likely to find.
Hannibal
This is the rare show that’s simultaneously comforting and nightmare-inducing if watched for extended periods. I can remember nights after binging a few episodes where I couldn’t get many of the disturbing images out of my head. Fair to say, Hannibal is not for the faint of heart, nor is it without some low points. But for those who enjoy gory thrillers or gritty detective dramas, it’s a must-watch. 
Yu-Gi-Oh! Original Series, English Sub
You can probably imagine my surprise as I discovered this year that the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime is not only much better than the 4Kids version we got in the States, but it’s actually a decent show. The plot makes much more sense, it’s more interesting, the stakes are higher, the voices are better, and overall it’s just more enjoyable to watch. I don’t know if I’ll stick with it long enough to finish it this time, but this is definitely the way I’d do it and would recommend to others.
Fargo Season 4
It’s a miracle we even got another season of Fargo this year, let alone on time and of the same high quality as the first two seasons. It has a great setting, cast, and conflict. I love Chris Rock, and it was so cool to see him act so well in such a serious role. There’s a Wizard of Oz homage episode that is nearly flawless. And the post-credits scene at the end of the season is just the cherry on top. If you haven’t checked out Fargo by now, you are really missing out on some of the most interesting stuff happening in TV. I can’t wait to see what Noah Hawley does with the Alien franchise.
Movies
Cats
I had to include this one because it was the last full movie I saw in theaters before the pandemic hit. I technically went to Sonic too, but my friends and I walked out after about 30 minutes. The less said about that movie, the better. Cats, though, is a strange and curious beast (pun intended), adapting an already unruly animal (pun intended) to the big screen and yowling to be recognized (pun intended). But for every awkward or embarrassing scene, there’s one of pure joy and magic, like the extended ballet sequence or Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat. The film knows exactly what it is and leans into it hard, like a familiar yet slightly insane feline begging to be stroked, which I imagine is exactly what fans of the musical wanted.
Children of Men
There’s not much I can say about this film that probably hasn’t been said better elsewhere. I was intrigued to watch it when I learned it was one of my friend’s favorite movies. And I have to say, it’s really profound in a prescient way. Clive Owen gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. You should watch it, but only when you feel like taking a severe hit to the feels.
Basic Instinct
Vertigo is probably still my favorite film, so when I learned this year that Paul Verhoeven made a bloody, sex romp homage film to it in the 90s with Michael Douglas starring, I simply had to watch it. And you know, it’s not bad. It’s nowhere near as good as Vertigo, and you can see the ending coming a mile away. But what it does have is the immaculate Sharon Stone, who you cannot take your eyes off for the entire movie. And the movie knows it, making her look as alluring and suggestive as her character is to the detective investigating her. You could do worse than to watch it, just don’t expect any of Hitchcock’s subtlety or looming dread to seep into the final product.
Books
Dune
I finally finished Dune this year, and I can genuinely say it lives up to the hype. It’s not the easiest book to get through, but it’s by no means one of the most difficult either. I’m still bummed that the new film was delayed, but it might give me time to read the rest of the original book series.
The Fifth Season
Another fantastic piece of fiction, I cannot recommend this book enough. N.K. Jemisin is one of the best living authors of our time. If you want an original setting with a brilliant magic system and complex, compelling characters, look no further.
Video Content
Northernlion
I’ve been a fan of NL for years, though I’ve never been that into The Binding of Isaac. He just has a charismatic intelligence to him that sets him apart from most “Let’s Play” YouTubers to me, and he’s very funny to boot. I guess I’d say he seems a lot like me or the person I could picture myself being if I were a professional video content creator. So I was really excited for NL’s series of Spelunky 2 videos, and I still watch them every day, months later. And now he’s teaching me how to get better at chess, being a good 600 ELO higher than myself at the moment. His sarcastic and improv-laden banter have withstood the test of years and gave me some much-needed comfort and laughter in 2020. Somehow, the man even found a way to keep up his prolific output this year while raising his firstborn child. There are those who said it couldn’t be done...
The Command Zone - Game Knights
Josh Lee Kwai and the rest of the crew at The Command Zone continue to put out some of the most well-produced tabletop gameplay videos on the internet. It’s perhaps no surprise, seeing as how Lee Kwai created trailers for such blockbuster films as Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Jimmy Wong had a supporting role in the live action remake of Disney’s Mulan. But the crew around the two hosts are just as important and talented, and it’s clear that they all share the same singular vision for the channel’s future. They’ve carefully crafted a team of expert editors, animators, cosplayers, and voice actors to deliver one delightful video after the next at a consistently high level. If you’re into Magic: the Gathering at all, you simply need to watch Game Knights.
Cimoooooooo
I found Alex Cimo’s channel shortly after the algorithm learned I was interested in Yu-Gi-Oh! again, and at first, I was less than impressed with him. But it’s clear to me now that he not only loves what he does, he’s an expert Yu-Gi-Oh! player and analyst. Plus, he’s very good at explaining some of the more complex concepts in the game in a way that newcomers can understand. I’ve watched every new episode of The Progression Series and The History of Yu-Gi-Oh! so far, and they’re the best way I’ve found to learn how the game developed and changed over the last 20 years.
Team APS
This is another great Yu-Gi-Oh! channel, focusing more on skits, gimmick videos, and casual games rather than analytical or theoretical content. Mostly, they seem like a really great group of friends that just have a blast playing Yu-Gi-Oh! together, and their love for the game makes me want to play more too.
Tolarian Community College
Somehow, a community college English professor’s channel went from a quirky little deckbox review platform to the most popular Magic: the Gathering channel on YouTube in only a few years. But it’s easy to see why when Brian clearly loves what he’s doing more than most people ever will. He’s not only a fantastic reviewer and MtG scholar, he’s one of the most outspoken voices for positive change in the community and the game. Is he too hard on the Magic team at Wizards of the Coast? Perhaps, but without his measured and well-reasoned takes on all things Magic, I think we’d be much worse off.
IRL
Cooking
Even I get tired of eating the same things every day, so I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to make more dishes, mostly out of sheer boredom. And I know I’m not alone in that, but I have to say it’s been a rewarding and fun adventure. It’s really surprising what you can throw together with a decent recipe and a little creativity in a modest kitchen when you decide to break away from the microwave for once.
Chinchillin’
Like many people, I felt that I needed a pet to survive this year, and I’ve always wanted a chinchilla. So I took a risk and bought one from a seller on KSL a few months ago, and my life has definitely changed for the better. No longer simply alone with my thoughts all day, I have a furry little companion to commune and bond with. And it’s more difficult to find time to feel sorry for myself when a basically helpless tiny creature depends on me for almost everything. Not to say it’s been a perfect experience however, people don’t say chins are difficult to care for for nothing. And I have learned more about them than perhaps I ever cared to know before, but that’s only made them more interesting to me as a result. Overall, I would recommend them as pets, just be prepared to give them a lot more time and attention than you would to say, a fish or a hamster. I’ve seen the commitment compared to that of a large dog, and I think that’s fair, though chins seem far more difficult to train and are far less cuddly. Basically, imagine a fluffy, super fast squirrel that can jump half your height, shed its fur at will if grabbed too tightly, that sleeps all day and bathes in dust, and that cannot get wet or too hot or eat 99% of human foods without serious complications. And they get lonely, and they all have their own surprisingly distinct personalities, some shy and mischievous, others bright and social, and everything in between. But I’m glad to be part of my little buddy’s life and hope to make it a long and enjoyable one for him. Part of why I wanted a chinchilla so badly is they typically live between 10-20 years, much longer than the average rodent or even many cats and dogs. And they’re sadly endangered in the wild, poached for their incredibly soft fur, which is why I believe it’s critical that we care for and learn more about them now. And above all, I adore my chinchilla’s antics, even when he continually tries to dig up and eat the paper bedding below his cage when I’ve provided perfectly edible hay and pellets for him in much easier to reach locations.
And that’s all, folks...
If you’ve read this far, know that I really appreciate it and hope you learned something new about yourself, art, or the world. And please do let me know what’s kept you going the most this year too, as I suspect I’ll still be searching for new distractions next year, even after I’m able to get a Covid vaccine injection. As Red Green would say, we’re all in this together, and I’m pullin’ for ya. <3
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maxismatchccworld ¡ 5 years ago
Text
Patch Notes
Update 12/12/2019 PC: 1.59.73.1020 / Mac: 1.59.73.1220
Hello Simmers!
It’s been quite the year for The Sims 4! We blew past the game’s 5th anniversary with no signs of slowing down. One of the community’s most highly requested expansion packs just launched recently, and we hope you’re all enjoying getting educated in Discover University. In case you haven’t heard, we’ve also launched another community Stuff Pack project, where your collective votes will decide the path of yet another pack coming to The Sims 4. And of course, The Sims’ franchise 20th anniversary is just over the horizon, which we’re looking forward to celebrating with you.
Today’s update has been influenced by you as well... We set aside time to specifically address issues that you’ve let us know are important to your in-game experience, and we hope the long list of fixes and improvements you’ll find below will lead to many hours of fun playing The Sims 4. In addition, we’ve squeezed in a few un-planned extras we hope you’ll enjoy. Not only have we added some new music tracks to the game, but we’ve also converted a number of hairstyles to now also be available for children and toddlers. While the adult versions of these styles will remain exclusive to whichever pack they originally came from, we hope you’ll all enjoy these additional options for your Sim’s little ones.
While Maxis will soon be taking a short break to enjoy the holidays (merry Winterfest, and a Happy New Year!), we’ll be back for another packed year for The Sims 4 in 2020. See you then!
-SimGuruGraham, ft. SimGuruGnome
The Music
The following music has been added to the alternative station:
“Nicknames”
Performed by Dayglow
Written by Sloan Struble
Copyright Control
Recording courtesy of AWAL Digital Ltd.
“4am”
Performed by girl in red
Written by Marie Ulven
Copyright Control
Recording courtesy of AWAL Recordings
“prom dress”
Performed by mxmtoon
Produced by Robin Skinner & mxmtoon
Written by Maia M-T
Published by Songtrust Music Publishing
Recording courtesy of mxmtoon LLC under exclusive license to House Arrest/The Orchard
By Arrangement with Bank Robber Music
“Win You Over”
Performed by Whethan & Bearson feat. SOAK
Written by Ethan Snoreck, Jakob Bjørn Hansen, Birdie Monds-Watson, Anthony Whiting and Emily Phillips
Published by Whethan Publishing/These Are Pulse Songs (BMI) c/o Pulse Publishing Administration, Next Wave Music Publishing, Universal - PolyGram Int. Tunes, Inc. on behalf of Universal Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Corp. on behalf of itself and PW Arrangements, and Domino Publishing Company USA (ASCAP)
Whethan appears courtesy of Atlantic Recording Corp.
SOAK appears courtesy of Rough Trade Records
Recording courtesy of Ultra Records LLC
FIXES & UPDATES
The Sims 4
Fixed an issue where macOS Simmers could crash when accessing The Gallery.
Fixed an issue where Nice or High Quality harvestables would disappear from Sims’ inventories after Travel or Save/Load.
Fixed an issue where Freelancer Career tasks would not complete after Sims would Travel.
Sims that were seated at a 6 seat round table can now Clean up the dishes.
Child Sims will be now able to enjoy Quick Meals again!
Fixed an issue where Sims didn’t write a genre book when “Write Genre Book” was selected.
Multiple duplicate interactions should no longer appear in pie menus when you have certain objects in your inventory.
The Jet Set Luxury Bath (bathtubJetsGEN_01) was listed as being Unbreakable when that wasn't true.
Speaking of Unbreakable, we fixed an issue with Hot Tubs and Stereos where unbreakable upgrades would not work if these objects were in use when upgrading them.
Fixed an issue in which some Sims could stand on, or walk through solid objects.
Adding a Sim to an existing household via the Create a Sim Stories feature will no longer subtract Simoleons from the household.
You can now extinguish a fire, even if the fire is within another object.
Fixed an issue that would cause Error code 510:5bd7fa0b to occur when attempting to save.
Sims can now Scrap the unfinished paintings of visiting Sims.
Light intensity will no longer reset when setting Auto Lights options.
Fixed an issue which made the item Tiny Globe & Sycee of the Prosperous Moon appear twice in Build Mode.
Half Walls toppers can now be applied to half walls on all levels of your lot.
Fixed an issue that caused Lots downloaded from The Gallery to be placed backwards and not being able to rotate them to an appropriate view.
Households downloaded from The Gallery should now have their starting funds set to the correct amount, and not just the base 20,000 Simoleons.
Child Sims will no longer receive Whims related to workouts.
Fixed an issue that did not allow Nordic keyboards for macOS to use the Size Down Cheat.
Fixed an issue where Error code 102:70c7f9a6 would occur when loading into Lots after loading a saved game.
Walls no longer will disappear when Taking a Photo in a Basement level room that does not have a staircase.
Bookshelves will no longer have the option to purchase University books if you do not own Discover University.
Sims will no longer flicker on and off the landing pad, when in the Rocket Ship using the WooHoo or Try for Baby interactions.
Sims in the Supreme Villain career working on the mischief interaction task can now use the Slablet to Troll teh Forums to complete the task.
Addressed some UI issues in Create a Sim that occurred after modifying the scaling option in the Accessibility options.
Lots and rooms with modded paintings will now be flagged as Custom Content when uploading to The Gallery
Small rugs can no longer be placed over the cutouts created by stairs.
Using Ctrl + U to reset your UI Scaling while you have the UI Scaling window open, will now properly reset the scale bar.
Caterer Sims will now be able to make a Cake and complete their Party event goals.
We attempted to track down the lost harvestables that are currently lost, but found they were lost and unfindable. It’s findings like this that we find we are at a loss of words for, however any future loss should not be found.
Sadly, all the children who had thought they had found the magic loophole, stay seated at the table, are no longer…
...right… like any kid ever stays seated at the table.
Who doesn’t enjoy a good bowl of cereal?
Some example interactions that were reported: “Play Fetch”, ”Give Potion”, “Blackmail”, “Scan Here”. The LastException related to this issue should also be fixed.
It's now truly Unbreakable!
David was also supposed to be Unbreakable… but… spoilers… he broke.
Obviously there was an issue with the hot tub… water is the weakness.
Specifically Baby Bassinets… babies were becoming quite paranoid they weren’t actually Sims...
This could occur if a large object caught fire. You would have to wait until the fire spread outside the bounds of the large object in order to extinguish it.
“Your house is on fire?!”
“Yep… it’s under the bed. Gotta wait it out. But I’m ready.”
Topper… it’s a technical term that means the piece that goes on top of a half wall.
Ok, the issue summary said topper, I couldn’t remember what it was called, so I left it as topper.
Of course I have the game up and running. Yes I could go look…
Ah, you crazy supreme villains and your trolling ways. So eeeeevil.
Get To Work
Aliens should now appear as expected in the Photo thumbnails, and no longer display their disguised forms when they are not in disguise.
Aliens will now display accurate selected options for Eyebrows and Beards in Create A Sim.
Fixed an issue where Scientist Sims would record their findings in Notebooks twice.
We addressed an issue that could prevent Sims from not being able to ring up customers who attempt to purchase from the warming rack.
Some boots, along with the Sims feet, were disappearing when the camera was zoomed all the way out. This should no longer occur.
The "Refer for Surgical Treatment" interaction is now available on surgery tables that have had their color altered with the bb.enablefreebuild cheat.
There are better ways to take tidy and efficient notes.
City Living
There were a number of confusing situations that arose as a result of Invites your Sims would receive. In some cases these would appear as two invites for the same event, one that was the “hey, I just wanted you to know” invite, and the other would be the real invite. They should behave more accordingly to expectations.
Sims with the Shrewd reward trait weren’t as shrewd as they thought they were. We have restored their shrewd’ness and they should now actually receive the money they so rightfully shrewded away at the end of each week.
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately into skinny jeans.
We blame it on bad investments, the cd market apparently didn’t mean compact discs.
yfTop_EP03Mesh_OmbreBlue now looks as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Seasons
Sims can now complete New Year resolutions on any lot, and not just their home lots.
The Lottery Holiday is back in your calendars! It should not be a surprise disappearing act any longer.
We spoke to the Holiday Gnomes and they have agreed to stop dropping seed packets if your Sims are not on Lot when the Holiday ends.
Fixed an issue where Weather would affect items inside buildings.
Flower Bunny’s contract has been renewed for them to appear on any Holiday or Tradition that they are scheduled to.
Mandrake and Valerian Root plants are now able to be planted indoors when it is Too Cold if Simmers have Realm of Magic installed.
Holiday Gnomes will no longer break Unbreakable objects when having a negative relationship with them.
The pedestal gnome (pedestal_EF18GENgnome) will no longer spawn as part of the Harvestfest gnomes tradition.
They wanted to spread holiday cheer… or they were attempting to bring about the end of Simanity, and usher in a new world order. Tomayto, tomahto.
Bunny contractual negotiations are ridiculous… they just keep multiplying their demands.
Dad joke quota met.
We don’t know what was done to make them angry, but even as magical as they are, they should not be breaking the Unbreakable.
He’s a table, he knows he’s a table, he doesn’t have any illusions to the contrary.
Get Famous
Married Celebrity Sim Couples will no longer React in Disgust with each other then they enter the same room.
Household members will no longer react to members with Pristine Reputation every time they travel together.
Fixed an issue that caused Recording a Product Review to fail if the Sim had previously interrupted a review by traveling to another Lot.
The Well Suited and G.R.A.N. talent agencies are back in business! Gigs from these agencies will now display appropriately.
Super Speed 3 should now work when Sims sleep in their Sleeping Pods and have a pet.
They are just a B-list celebrity though, can you blame them?
Like... we get it, they are perfect… no need to rub it in.
Island Living
Fixed an issue where Odd Jobs tasks were not able to be completed.
Fixed an issue where Conch Shells were not able to be put in Sims’ Inventories.
Sims can now see their recorded findings in the Notification Wall when performing “Examine Water Thoughtfully” on the Fishing Board.
Released Fish will actually be released back into the water and not be stored in Sims’ Inventory.
Players using low graphics settings will be surprised to find that Dolphins do actually exist in the waters of Sulani.
Discover University
Sims will no longer be accused of cheating on their coursework or homework if they don’t actually cheat.
Term Presentations should not have missing interactions any longer.
Fixed an issue that caused Error code 104:5ee05594 to occur when loading into a Dorm where an NPC had a Baby.
We addressed some feedback that getting As was too easy. Please be aware that your Sim will have to complete the coursework in order to consistently get good grades.
Students will no longer autonomously taunt each other about University Superiority unless they're at the Game Day organization event or have one of these traits: Childish, Evil, Hot-Headed, and Bro.
Please be aware that a Sim’s hunger, energy, and bladder motives will no longer refill on their own just before class.
Fixed an issue in which Enhancing Utility Bots would get cancelled inappropriately.
Roommates should no longer Bring Food home every time they return.
Sims can now Turn Off Computer Glasses when moving to other neighborhoods.
Sims that complete the debate showdown, will once again be able to change into their other outfits.
Term Papers will now always count toward the course’s final grades.
Fixed an issue where the following Build Mode items were not able to be placed on the LearnWell Desk (desk2x1_EP08DORM_set1):
Fixed an issue where “The Secret Society Masks” were not being unlocked in Create A Sim.
The showerWall_EP08Gen_set1 shower will no longer turn on when a Sim attempts to repair it.
Fixed an issue with a swatch color for the yfBody_EP08DressOveralls_BlackSolidWhite
Active Sims should no longer get the “Not Enough Exercise” tense buff if they have enrolled in the Soccer Fútbol after school activity, or choose to juggle a soccer fútbol ball.
Sims now must meet all of the promotion requirements in order to be promoted in the Education Career.
Attempting to interact with a bike rider should no longer cause your Sim to route fail when performing the interaction.
The Make Offering to Sprites interaction should no longer be unavailable if you only have harvestables in your inventory.
Reaching level 5 of the Law Career now correctly unlocks the lawyer suits for your Sim in Create a Sim.
Bots enhanced to level 3 will no longer automatically enhance to level 4 upon activation.
Interacting with a Sim riding a bike will no longer cause the Sim, your Sim, the bike, parts of the world, or any other potential object or thing to disappear.
Inviting your professor to hangout will now actually have the professor arrive to hangout.
Servo can now complete the StrangerVille story.
Servo Fun and Social motive descriptions no longer incorrectly refer to Servo as a Sim.
Bicycles can now be searched for in Build Mode by using the term “bike”.
ExoMech suit can be worn by teen Sims, and is visible too.
Sims already wearing a helmet, will no longer change into another helmet to ride a bike.
Sims in the same household will now automatically know the others degree program.
Sims will no longer receive multiple signing bonuses from degree relevant careers. Only one signing bonus is awarded in any seven day period.
Woohoo in Shower will no longer give fame.
“Chat About Scandalous Lawsuit” now provides fun.
Choosing to cancel the Practice Presentation interaction will now cancel the interaction.
Servos can no longer get sick.
Servos can no longer purchase the Seldom Sleepy reward trait.
Sims on probation can now be asked to study with.
Sims should no longer route fail when attempting to take a Pregnancy test in a bathroom stall.
Asking the Repo Person to not take your stuff will now provide you a Text Notification as to whether or not you had an impact on the Repo Person’s decision.
Sprites no longer appear around the Sim after the buff expires after leaving the Secret Society.
Starving students… yes, it’s a trope, but let’s not lean into it so heavily.
It was getting a bit awkward in special occasions and when meeting neighbors. Not to mention it is a fashion… choice, yes… let’s just say that.
Dang it.
Lex Light By Dex Pix - lightTableLarge_EP08GENarm_set1, Q-Bik Tabletop Mood Light - lightTableLarge_EP08GENcage, and Great Gramps’ Light - lightTableLarge_EP08GEN_set1 can now be placed properly.
yuAcc_GlassesEP08SecretSocietyMask and yuAcc_GlassesEP08MasqueradeMask are now unlocking as intended.
Outdoor Retreat
Sims can now roast at a campfire without needing a seating object nearby.
Spa Day
Fixed an issue where Sims did not have the option to “Take Bath with Soaks” and “Take Mud Bath” on Showertubs.
Sims can now again get massages autonomously at Spas.
Mud bath… showertub, at home? Hmm. Goooood plumbing.
Pamper Mode: On!
Dine Out
NPC Sims will now eat more at Restaurants.
Photos taken of Experimental Foods will now display correctly when put into frames.
Fixed a swatch color error with the ymTop_GP03Blazer_SolidWhiteBlack
Profit!
Vampires
“Influence Emotions” interaction will no longer be available to Vampires that have not yet unlocked this perk.
Jungle Adventure
Several objects were not properly being found when using color filters. These should be filterable now.
StrangerVille
StrangerVille music has been added to the Lin-Z Smart Speaker.
Realm of Magic
Fixed an issue where Occult eyes would not properly apply to Spellcasters.
Unplayed NPCs not living in Glimmerbrook will no longer appear in Glimmerbrook performing Magic.
“Challenge to Magic Duel at Dueling Grounds” performed by a broom and non-broom using duelist will now take place at the dueling grounds.
Spellcasters with the “Knowledge is Magic” Perk will now be able to complete the “Finish Reading 3 Books” aspiration goal.
Fixed an issue where some Spellcasters would not complete the “Learn a Spell” goal, even though they would learn a Spell.
Spellcasters will now be able to Do Laundry while having “Always Transportalate” enabled.
Fixed an issue in which Pet Familiars would not stop foraging, never bringing back their findings.
Sages now can be chosen to Play With for a game of Chess.
Random non Spellcaster Sims no longer will show up as being Sages.
Fixed an issue in which Cauldron made food was not able to be eaten as leftovers when looking at the refrigerator.
Sims on cursed lots will no longer always catch fire in all attempts while using the Fireplace or the Stove.
Fixed an issue in which sounds from The Magic Realm could be heard in Del Sol Valley if you had Get Famous installed.
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately.
Spellcaster Sims can now clean potty messes, child messes, and kitty litter messes by casting Scruberoo.
Spellcasters will no longer have duplicate makeup options in CAS.
Spellcasters should no longer land in unroutable locations when using the “Always Use Brooms” spell.
Fixed an issue with asset yfAcc_WristRightGP08Gems in Create A Sim that made it display incorrectly when Sims were styled with long sleeve shirts.
Spellcasters that cast Mischief Spells will now get awarded Mischief Skill when doing so.
Male spellcasters will no longer have a chance of going bald after performing Rite of Dissolution.
yfHair_GP08Braids now properly appears within the Afro-Textured texture filter.
Mischief spells are now counted towards the Criminal Career daily task Mischief Interaction.
Spellcasters with the Spellcraft and Sorcery aspiration will no longer reset or cause a LastException after writing songs.
What’s next Bob Pancakes is a vampire?
He is? I knew it!
They are now all good Familiars and bring everything they find back.
We also fixed an issue where they would only bring Brooms back after foraging, they are still all good familiars.
They cheat… I can’t be that bad.
Impostors have been dealt with. Thank you for your cooperation.
That’s probably who I was playing chess against.
Thankfully so! Not sure what we were going to do with all that food.
Try the Mac and Cheese, 10/10 totally recommend.
Looks at SimGuruMorgan with an Evil Grin.
yfTop_GP08ShirtLace, yfTop_GP08BlouseSeeThrough, and yfTop_GP08BodysuitVinyl now look as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Magic… it’s magic.
I understand buying duplicates of favourite make up items, but this was excessive.
Excellent… Evil Laugh
Perfect Patio
We fixed an issue where hired Maids would often change into Swimwear and use the Hot Tub instead of completing their tasks.
I hired them to clean… honest!
Romantic Garden
Sims in the Freelance careers, including freelance photography, will no longer be able to Wish for Promotion using the Wishing Well.
Sims in Conservationist, Educator, Actor, Style Influencer, Military, Critic, Social Media, or Politician careers will now be able to Wish for a Promotion using the Wishing Well.
Sims are their own boss, so it didn’t make sense for them to do that.
Backyard
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately into skinny jeans.
yfTop_SP08BodysuitLace now looks as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Vintage Glamour
Addressed several issues that caused the butler to fail to perform their assigned tasks.
Fixed an issue that prevented Butlers to help put Toddler Sims to Bed.
The Butler should no longer make food for themselves when they are not hungry.
Moschino
Emotional auras in photographs can now be toggled on/off.
Fixed an issue where some photos taken were a bit blurry when placed in frames in Live Mode.
Tripods placed on floors other than 1, 2, or 3, should no longer cause the camera to change floors when attempting to take a photo.
Ask to Pose interaction should no longer fail if the Sim attempts to run the interaction from the Open Street.
Sent all of our cameras to maintenance for repairs, enjoy!
117 notes ¡ View notes
jettries ¡ 4 years ago
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Jet Tries: Physical Therapy
Section 102: Your Sacral Chakra 
Theme: I Feel 
Acknowledging our need for connections
Chapter 2: Sexuality & Your Hips
When we have difficulty expressing or admitting our feelings, or can’t attain the pleasure we think we want, we end up holding on to unprocessed anger. We clench our legs together so no one will see our vulnerability. We feel stifled and resentful that our ideas aren’t materializing in the world the way we think they should. A lot of these feelings can be subconscious and just randomly burst out in fits of crying or destruction. Like a baby who hasn’t figured out how to get the spoon of food into their own mouth, or the square block to fit in the round hole. What you want and what is happening doesn’t match, but we’re so obsessed with the hyper-focused view of our dilemma that we can’t see the bigger picture. As we get bigger and our dilemmas become bigger than ‘why doesn’t my brand new chubby hand with tiny fingers hold this baby spoon’ or ‘why doesn’t this square peg fit in this round hole’ and they become things like ‘why doesn’t my relationship now match what my uncommunicated subconscious expectations were in the beginning’, or ‘why does my personal idea of sexuality not match what I assume other people’s expectations are of me’, etc... 
These disconnected expectations leave us with unresolved shame that we don’t know how to fix, and often materialize by trying to control something else, like an obsession with possessions or money; never having what you feel is enough, and lashing out at other people that look like they have more or look like they are happy with what they have. Or feeling shame in having more than other people, but it still doesn’t make you feel like you achieved what you wanted, and it’s not making you feel happy and secure like you thought it would. These obsessions swing one of two ways: we place an overemphasis on obtaining material goods (like hoarding, followed by regret, but still not being able to let go because you don’t feel “done”), or not being able to own your own abundance (shame, self-deprecation, and sometimes intense purging or consuming yourself in caring for others to take your own focus off of yourself). 
Then what am I supposed to do?
Baby steps. Think of someone or somewhere safe you can tell a tiny need. Or write it down first. Let it leave your body. Then try telling someone you know and trust a little secret you’re holding in. Odds are someone that your secret doesn’t affect won’t be surprised or care one way or the other. Which is kind of freeing. Ever noticed how it’s easier to spill your guts to a stranger, or not look people in the eye while you confess things (like at night or around a campfire or on a long walk). Find a way to let some of your secrets leave your body. Odds are someone out there feels the same way you do (hello, the internet). But just admitting that you want or need something can be really scary if you’ve been holding something in for a long time. Some people write confessions or desires on a tag inside a balloon or on a paper boat if the fear of seeing someone receive your secret is too much. Not all our secret desires are bad or evil or uncouth. But also, not all of our secret needs can or will be met. The square peg will never go in the round hole, but if you step back you can see that the world is filled with unlimited shapes and sizes of everything. 
So you don’t have to tell me, or anyone, your secrets. But admitting them to yourself, allowing your body to process and release them outside yourself at least gives you the option to move to the next step and decide “Is each of these secrets something I want to hide and cling to and hold on to forever? Is this thing something I still want, or was it something I used to want and don’t care about anymore? Is it just something I think I was supposed to want? Is my desire based in reality, or just a fun story I tell myself? Is it hurting anyone or myself?” Wants, needs, desires, and sexuality are incredibly complex and interwoven and we’ll probably never untangle them all. Give yourself some room and time to mentally step back and process them without shaming yourself, and resolution will come to you. Maybe it’s time to stop hyper-focusing on one peg, let it go, and look around to see all the other options around you. Zoom out. Try something new. 
Stretchy time. It’s pretty much impossible to do hip socket stretches without feeling a little ridiculous and vulnerable, but this week is all about slowly practicing becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable. So you don’t have to start out doing high-kicks in your sparkly Richard Simmons outfit down main street, but with a little practice, maybe we’ll all get there some day and not take ourselves so seriously.
1 note ¡ View note
thesims4blogger ¡ 5 years ago
Text
The Sims 4: New Game Patch (December 12th, 2019)
There’s a new Sims 4 PC update available via Origin.
Remove all MODS and Custom Content before updating your game
Update 12/12/2019 PC: 1.59.73.1020 / Mac: 1.59.73.1220
Hello Simmers!
It’s been quite the year for The Sims 4! We blew past the game’s 5th anniversary with no signs of slowing down. One of the community’s most highly requested expansion packs just launched recently, and we hope you’re all enjoying getting educated in Discover University. In case you haven’t heard, we’ve also launched another community Stuff Pack project, where your collective votes will decide the path of yet another pack coming to The Sims 4. And of course, The Sims’ franchise 20th anniversary is just over the horizon, which we’re looking forward to celebrating with you.
Today’s update has been influenced by you as well… We set aside time to specifically address issues that you’ve let us know are important to your in-game experience, and we hope the long list of fixes and improvements you’ll find below will lead to many hours of fun playing The Sims 4. In addition, we’ve squeezed in a few un-planned extras we hope you’ll enjoy. Not only have we added some new music tracks to the game, but we’ve also converted a number of hairstyles to now also be available for children and toddlers. While the adult versions of these styles will remain exclusive to whichever pack they originally came from, we hope you’ll all enjoy these additional options for your Sim’s little ones.
While Maxis will soon be taking a short break to enjoy the holidays (merry Winterfest, and a Happy New Year!), we’ll be back for another packed year for The Sims 4 in 2020. See you then!
-SimGuruGraham, ft. SimGuruGnome
The Music The following music has been added to the alternative station:
“Nicknames” Performed by Dayglow Written by Sloan Struble Copyright Control Recording courtesy of AWAL Digital Ltd.
“4am” Performed by girl in red Written by Marie Ulven Copyright Control Recording courtesy of AWAL Recordings
“prom dress” Performed by mxmtoon Produced by Robin Skinner & mxmtoon Written by Maia M-T Published by Songtrust Music Publishing Recording courtesy of mxmtoon LLC under exclusive license to House Arrest/The Orchard By Arrangement with Bank Robber Music
“Win You Over” Performed by Whethan & Bearson feat. SOAK Written by Ethan Snoreck, Jakob Bjørn Hansen, Birdie Monds-Watson, Anthony Whiting and Emily Phillips Published by Whethan Publishing/These Are Pulse Songs (BMI) c/o Pulse Publishing Administration, Next Wave Music Publishing, Universal – PolyGram Int. Tunes, Inc. on behalf of Universal Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Corp. on behalf of itself and PW Arrangements, and Domino Publishing Company USA (ASCAP) Whethan appears courtesy of Atlantic Recording Corp. SOAK appears courtesy of Rough Trade Records Recording courtesy of Ultra Records LLC
FIXES & UPDATES
The Sims 4
Fixed an issue where macOS Simmers could crash when accessing The Gallery.
Fixed an issue where Nice or High Quality harvestables would disappear from Sims’ inventories after Travel or Save/Load.
Fixed an issue where Freelancer Career tasks would not complete after Sims would Travel.
Sims that were seated at a 6 seat round table can now Clean up the dishes.
Child Sims will be now able to enjoy Quick Meals again!
Fixed an issue where Sims didn’t write a genre book when “Write Genre Book” was selected.
Multiple duplicate interactions should no longer appear in pie menus when you have certain objects in your inventory.
The Jet Set Luxury Bath (bathtubJetsGEN_01) was listed as being Unbreakable when that wasn’t true.
Speaking of Unbreakable, we fixed an issue with Hot Tubs and Stereos where unbreakable upgrades would not work if these objects were in use when upgrading them.
Fixed an issue in which some Sims could stand on, or walk through solid objects.
Adding a Sim to an existing household via the Create a Sim Stories feature will no longer subtract Simoleons from the household.
You can now extinguish a fire, even if the fire is within another object.
Fixed an issue that would cause Error code 510:5bd7fa0b to occur when attempting to save.
Sims can now Scrap the unfinished paintings of visiting Sims.
Light intensity will no longer reset when setting Auto Lights options.
Fixed an issue which made the item Tiny Globe & Sycee of the Prosperous Moon appear twice in Build Mode.
Half Walls toppers can now be applied to half walls on all levels of your lot.
Fixed an issue that caused Lots downloaded from The Gallery to be placed backwards and not being able to rotate them to an appropriate view.
Households downloaded from The Gallery should now have their starting funds set to the correct amount, and not just the base 20,000 Simoleons.
Child Sims will no longer receive Whims related to workouts.
Fixed an issue that did not allow Nordic keyboards for macOS to use the Size Down Cheat.
Fixed an issue where Error code 102:70c7f9a6 would occur when loading into Lots after loading a saved game.
Walls no longer will disappear when Taking a Photo in a Basement level room that does not have a staircase.
Bookshelves will no longer have the option to purchase University books if you do not own Discover University.
Sims will no longer flicker on and off the landing pad, when in the Rocket Ship using the WooHoo or Try for Baby interactions.
Sims in the Supreme Villain career working on the mischief interaction task can now use the Slablet to Troll teh Forums to complete the task.
Addressed some UI issues in Create a Sim that occurred after modifying the scaling option in the Accessibility options.
Lots and rooms with modded paintings will now be flagged as Custom Content when uploading to The Gallery
Small rugs can no longer be placed over the cutouts created by stairs.
Using Ctrl + U to reset your UI Scaling while you have the UI Scaling window open, will now properly reset the scale bar.
Caterer Sims will now be able to make a Cake and complete their Party event goals.
We attempted to track down the lost harvestables that are currently lost, but found they were lost and unfindable. It’s findings like this that we find we are at a loss of words for, however any future loss should not be found.
Sadly, all the children who had thought they had found the magic loophole, stay seated at the table, are no longer…
…right… like any kid ever stays seated at the table.
Who doesn’t enjoy a good bowl of cereal?
Some example interactions that were reported: “Play Fetch”, ”Give Potion”, “Blackmail”, “Scan Here”. The LastException related to this issue should also be fixed.
It’s now truly Unbreakable!
David was also supposed to be Unbreakable… but… spoilers… he broke.
Obviously there was an issue with the hot tub… water is the weakness.
Specifically Baby Bassinets… babies were becoming quite paranoid they weren’t actually Sims…
This could occur if a large object caught fire. You would have to wait until the fire spread outside the bounds of the large object in order to extinguish it.
“Your house is on fire?!”
“Yep… it’s under the bed. Gotta wait it out. But I’m ready.”
Topper… it’s a technical term that means the piece that goes on top of a half wall.
Ok, the issue summary said topper, I couldn’t remember what it was called, so I left it as topper.
Of course I have the game up and running. Yes I could go look…
Ah, you crazy supreme villains and your trolling ways. So eeeeevil.
Get To Work
Aliens should now appear as expected in the Photo thumbnails, and no longer display their disguised forms when they are not in disguise.
Aliens will now display accurate selected options for Eyebrows and Beards in Create A Sim.
Fixed an issue where Scientist Sims would record their findings in Notebooks twice.
We addressed an issue that could prevent Sims from not being able to ring up customers who attempt to purchase from the warming rack.
Some boots, along with the Sims feet, were disappearing when the camera was zoomed all the way out. This should no longer occur.
The “Refer for Surgical Treatment” interaction is now available on surgery tables that have had their color altered with the bb.enablefreebuild cheat.
There are better ways to take tidy and efficient notes.
City Living
There were a number of confusing situations that arose as a result of Invites your Sims would receive. In some cases these would appear as two invites for the same event, one that was the “hey, I just wanted you to know” invite, and the other would be the real invite. They should behave more accordingly to expectations.
Sims with the Shrewd reward trait weren’t as shrewd as they thought they were. We have restored their shrewd’ness and they should now actually receive the money they so rightfully shrewded away at the end of each week.
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately into skinny jeans.
We blame it on bad investments, the cd market apparently didn’t mean compact discs.
yfTop_EP03Mesh_OmbreBlue now looks as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Seasons
Sims can now complete New Year resolutions on any lot, and not just their home lots.
The Lottery Holiday is back in your calendars! It should not be a surprise disappearing act any longer.
We spoke to the Holiday Gnomes and they have agreed to stop dropping seed packets if your Sims are not on Lot when the Holiday ends.
Fixed an issue where Weather would affect items inside buildings.
Flower Bunny’s contract has been renewed for them to appear on any Holiday or Tradition that they are scheduled to.
Mandrake and Valerian Root plants are now able to be planted indoors when it is Too Cold if Simmers have Realm of Magic installed.
Holiday Gnomes will no longer break Unbreakable objects when having a negative relationship with them.
The pedestal gnome (pedestal_EF18GENgnome) will no longer spawn as part of the Harvestfest gnomes tradition.
They wanted to spread holiday cheer… or they were attempting to bring about the end of Simanity, and usher in a new world order. Tomayto, tomahto.
Bunny contractual negotiations are ridiculous… they just keep multiplying their demands.
Dad joke quota met.
We don’t know what was done to make them angry, but even as magical as they are, they should not be breaking the Unbreakable.
He’s a table, he knows he’s a table, he doesn’t have any illusions to the contrary.
Get Famous
Married Celebrity Sim Couples will no longer React in Disgust with each other then they enter the same room.
Household members will no longer react to members with Pristine Reputation every time they travel together.
Fixed an issue that caused Recording a Product Review to fail if the Sim had previously interrupted a review by traveling to another Lot.
The Well Suited and G.R.A.N. talent agencies are back in business! Gigs from these agencies will now display appropriately.
Super Speed 3 should now work when Sims sleep in their Sleeping Pods and have a pet.
They are just a B-list celebrity though, can you blame them?
Like… we get it, they are perfect… no need to rub it in.
Island Living
Fixed an issue where Odd Jobs tasks were not able to be completed.
Fixed an issue where Conch Shells were not able to be put in Sims’ Inventories.
Sims can now see their recorded findings in the Notification Wall when performing “Examine Water Thoughtfully” on the Fishing Board.
Released Fish will actually be released back into the water and not be stored in Sims’ Inventory.
Players using low graphics settings will be surprised to find that Dolphins do actually exist in the waters of Sulani.
Discover University
Sims will no longer be accused of cheating on their coursework or homework if they don’t actually cheat.
Term Presentations should not have missing interactions any longer.
Fixed an issue that caused Error code 104:5ee05594 to occur when loading into a Dorm where an NPC had a Baby.
We addressed some feedback that getting As was too easy. Please be aware that your Sim will have to complete the coursework in order to consistently get good grades.
Students will no longer autonomously taunt each other about University Superiority unless they’re at the Game Day organization event or have one of these traits: Childish, Evil, Hot-Headed, and Bro.
Please be aware that a Sim’s hunger, energy, and bladder motives will no longer refill on their own just before class.
Fixed an issue in which Enhancing Utility Bots would get cancelled inappropriately.
Roommates should no longer Bring Food home every time they return.
Sims can now Turn Off Computer Glasses when moving to other neighborhoods.
Sims that complete the debate showdown, will once again be able to change into their other outfits.
Term Papers will now always count toward the course’s final grades.
Fixed an issue where the following Build Mode items were not able to be placed on the LearnWell Desk (desk2x1_EP08DORM_set1):
Fixed an issue where “The Secret Society Masks” were not being unlocked in Create A Sim.
The showerWall_EP08Gen_set1 shower will no longer turn on when a Sim attempts to repair it.
Fixed an issue with a swatch color for the yfBody_EP08DressOveralls_BlackSolidWhite
Active Sims should no longer get the “Not Enough Exercise” tense buff if they have enrolled in the Soccer Fútbol after school activity, or choose to juggle a soccer fútbol ball.
Sims now must meet all of the promotion requirements in order to be promoted in the Education Career.
Attempting to interact with a bike rider should no longer cause your Sim to route fail when performing the interaction.
The Make Offering to Sprites interaction should no longer be unavailable if you only have harvestables in your inventory.
Reaching level 5 of the Law Career now correctly unlocks the lawyer suits for your Sim in Create a Sim.
Bots enhanced to level 3 will no longer automatically enhance to level 4 upon activation.
Interacting with a Sim riding a bike will no longer cause the Sim, your Sim, the bike, parts of the world, or any other potential object or thing to disappear.
Inviting your professor to hangout will now actually have the professor arrive to hangout.
Servo can now complete the StrangerVille story.
Servo Fun and Social motive descriptions no longer incorrectly refer to Servo as a Sim.
Bicycles can now be searched for in Build Mode by using the term “bike”.
ExoMech suit can be worn by teen Sims, and is visible too.
Sims already wearing a helmet, will no longer change into another helmet to ride a bike.
Sims in the same household will now automatically know the others degree program.
Sims will no longer receive multiple signing bonuses from degree relevant careers. Only one signing bonus is awarded in any seven day period.
Woohoo in Shower will no longer give fame.
“Chat About Scandalous Lawsuit” now provides fun.
Choosing to cancel the Practice Presentation interaction will now cancel the interaction.
Servos can no longer get sick.
Servos can no longer purchase the Seldom Sleepy reward trait.
Sims on probation can now be asked to study with.
Sims should no longer route fail when attempting to take a Pregnancy test in a bathroom stall.
Asking the Repo Person to not take your stuff will now provide you a Text Notification as to whether or not you had an impact on the Repo Person’s decision.
Sprites no longer appear around the Sim after the buff expires after leaving the Secret Society.
Starving students… yes, it’s a trope, but let’s not lean into it so heavily.
It was getting a bit awkward in special occasions and when meeting neighbors. Not to mention it is a fashion… choice, yes… let’s just say that.
Dang it.
Lex Light By Dex Pix – lightTableLarge_EP08GENarm_set1, Q-Bik Tabletop Mood Light – lightTableLarge_EP08GENcage, and Great Gramps’ Light – lightTableLarge_EP08GEN_set1 can now be placed properly.
yuAcc_GlassesEP08SecretSocietyMask and yuAcc_GlassesEP08MasqueradeMask are now unlocking as intended.
Outdoor Retreat
Sims can now roast at a campfire without needing a seating object nearby.
Spa Day
Fixed an issue where Sims did not have the option to “Take Bath with Soaks” and “Take Mud Bath” on Showertubs.
Sims can now again get massages autonomously at Spas.
Mud bath… showertub, at home? Hmm. Goooood plumbing.
Pamper Mode: On!
Dine Out
NPC Sims will now eat more at Restaurants.
Photos taken of Experimental Foods will now display correctly when put into frames.
Fixed a swatch color error with the ymTop_GP03Blazer_SolidWhiteBlack
Profit!
Vampires
“Influence Emotions” interaction will no longer be available to Vampires that have not yet unlocked this perk.
Jungle Adventure
Several objects were not properly being found when using color filters. These should be filterable now.
StrangerVille
StrangerVille music has been added to the Lin-Z Smart Speaker.
Realm of Magic
Fixed an issue where Occult eyes would not properly apply to Spellcasters.
Unplayed NPCs not living in Glimmerbrook will no longer appear in Glimmerbrook performing Magic.
“Challenge to Magic Duel at Dueling Grounds” performed by a broom and non-broom using duelist will now take place at the dueling grounds.
Spellcasters with the “Knowledge is Magic” Perk will now be able to complete the “Finish Reading 3 Books” aspiration goal.
Fixed an issue where some Spellcasters would not complete the “Learn a Spell” goal, even though they would learn a Spell.
Spellcasters will now be able to Do Laundry while having “Always Transportalate” enabled.
Fixed an issue in which Pet Familiars would not stop foraging, never bringing back their findings.
Sages now can be chosen to Play With for a game of Chess.
Random non Spellcaster Sims no longer will show up as being Sages.
Fixed an issue in which Cauldron made food was not able to be eaten as leftovers when looking at the refrigerator.
Sims on cursed lots will no longer always catch fire in all attempts while using the Fireplace or the Stove.
Fixed an issue in which sounds from The Magic Realm could be heard in Del Sol Valley if you had Get Famous installed.
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately.
Spellcaster Sims can now clean potty messes, child messes, and kitty litter messes by casting Scruberoo.
Spellcasters will no longer have duplicate makeup options in CAS.
Spellcasters should no longer land in unroutable locations when using the “Always Use Brooms” spell.
Fixed an issue with asset yfAcc_WristRightGP08Gems in Create A Sim that made it display incorrectly when Sims were styled with long sleeve shirts.
Spellcasters that cast Mischief Spells will now get awarded Mischief Skill when doing so.
Male spellcasters will no longer have a chance of going bald after performing Rite of Dissolution.
yfHair_GP08Braids now properly appears within the Afro-Textured texture filter.
Mischief spells are now counted towards the Criminal Career daily task Mischief Interaction.
Spellcasters with the Spellcraft and Sorcery aspiration will no longer reset or cause a LastException after writing songs.
What’s next Bob Pancakes is a vampire?
He is? I knew it!
They are now all good Familiars and bring everything they find back.
We also fixed an issue where they would only bring Brooms back after foraging, they are still all good familiars.
They cheat… I can’t be that bad.
Impostors have been dealt with. Thank you for your cooperation.
That’s probably who I was playing chess against.
Thankfully so! Not sure what we were going to do with all that food.
Try the Mac and Cheese, 10/10 totally recommend.
Looks at SimGuruMorgan with an Evil Grin.
yfTop_GP08ShirtLace, yfTop_GP08BlouseSeeThrough, and yfTop_GP08BodysuitVinyl now look as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Magic… it’s magic.
I understand buying duplicates of favourite make up items, but this was excessive.
Excellent… Evil Laugh
Perfect Patio
We fixed an issue where hired Maids would often change into Swimwear and use the Hot Tub instead of completing their tasks.
I hired them to clean… honest!
Romantic Garden
Sims in the Freelance careers, including freelance photography, will no longer be able to Wish for Promotion using the Wishing Well.
Sims in Conservationist, Educator, Actor, Style Influencer, Military, Critic, Social Media, or Politician careers will now be able to Wish for a Promotion using the Wishing Well.
Sims are their own boss, so it didn’t make sense for them to do that.
Backyard
Fixed an issue in which some shirts in Create A Sim would not tuck in appropriately into skinny jeans.
yfTop_SP08BodysuitLace now looks as intended when paired with skinny jeans.
Vintage Glamour
Addressed several issues that caused the butler to fail to perform their assigned tasks.
Fixed an issue that prevented Butlers to help put Toddler Sims to Bed.
The Butler should no longer make food for themselves when they are not hungry.
Moschino
Emotional auras in photographs can now be toggled on/off.
Fixed an issue where some photos taken were a bit blurry when placed in frames in Live Mode.
Tripods placed on floors other than 1, 2, or 3, should no longer cause the camera to change floors when attempting to take a photo.
Ask to Pose interaction should no longer fail if the Sim attempts to run the interaction from the Open Street.
Sent all of our cameras to maintenance for repairs, enjoy!
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“Let’s get some pasta, green beans, kidney beans, and some lentils.”
Genevieve’s nose scrunched. “I don’t even know what to do with lentils.”
“I have a great recipe for a dal curry. I’ll teach you, it’ll be perfect. We can make a whole day out of it.”
A whole day? For lentils? Genevieve opened and closed her mouth shut, no words came out. 
Arnold’s Singularity Theory
October 26, 2019
Her back was hunched over the wooden desk beside her bed. The high pitched ringing of her alarm snapped her eyes open at six in the morning. The sky was a navy blue; she could make out the few dog walkers on the street. It was her only day off, but the piled work on her table argued otherwise.
Genevieve was alone in her freezing apartment. The heating was broken and when she told Mr. Goldwin, her landlord, he didn’t have his hearing aid on. She had a routine for Sundays: Wake up. Do practice problems. Make a cup of tea. Sleep. 
A dull ache prodded between her shoulder blades, her spine was sorely unaligned. Her face was all sunken cheeks and shades of grey. The sweater bought last month suddenly became a few sizes too big. 
The sun created hues of orange and reds. The blue that slowly peeked out at the sides made it seem like a bowl of dirty paint water being stirred. The evening stillness in her flat was interrupted by the sudden roar of an engine. As she looked out the window, a car zoomed down the road with a blaring radio. An animated lightning bolt was left behind, its speed meant it was gone within a blink. An unsettling feeling made itself a home in the pit of her stomach. She pictured it as swirls, starting off as small slow circles, and eventually growing into sharp hurried edges. 
It was probably nothing, maybe university kids having a laugh, but she didn’t have the time to mull over it because the swinging of her front door and jingling of a bundle of keys sounded loudly. 
Meena opened the door to her refrigerator and the only thing there was a flickering light bulb and an empty box of orange juice. A high pitched shrill followed.
“Gen!” 
Genevieve was out of milk, eggs, and cereal.
She wouldn’t have given it another thought and might’ve ordered take out or popped in at the Smalls’ to split a pizza with Jonah, the neighbour’s kid who she tutored every once in a while. He was the only child of a single dad who worked too many hours at the construction site to make rent. He wasn’t home often and they had a silent understanding of popping in every couple days to keep an eye on him, much like Meena liked to keep tabs on Genevieve. Except, Genevieve wasn’t a scrawny teenage boy who needed to be looked after, something which Meena would refute without a shadow of doubt. At the current state of Genevieve’s flat, the jury would easily side with Meena Ahmed.
Meena had a hand on her hip, her lips pressed in a firm line. She took a deep breath, pinching the carton between her thumb and index finger. “Gen-e-vieve!” 
Meena put her foot down and opened the trash can only to find it overflowing. She held back a gag. 
“Genevieve!” 
After some rustling and movement on the other side of the wall, her feet stumbled out of her bedroom. An unimpressed snarl on her face, Genevieve’s body leaned against the doorway.
“I think by now everyone in this bloody building knows my name,” she said with a textbook in one hand and a pen in the other. She had not looked away from the pages. She hurriedly scratched an answer to her practice problems before it could float away from her brain. “That’s exactly the information they need to kick me out.”
Meena was in her work out clothes, a bright pink neon top with matching trainers. She looked straight out of a healthy living ad. She had glossy black hair, almond shaped eyes, and always smelled of fresh daisies. She had that all American smile and pearly whites that were blinding. She was into juicing, kale, and art history. 
“What is this?”
“What’s what?” Genevieve inquired, her eyes glued on the next problem.
When a moment of silence went by and no response was given, her head shot up.
Her eyes flickered from the trash can—she thought she saw something move in there— to the open door of her empty refrigerator. Her lips fell into an O shape. 
“When you told me you went to the shops on Tuesday, I didn’t know you were talking about two bloody weeks ago,” Meena huffed as she bent down to tie a knot on the black bag, her nose scrunched up. It was atypical to hear her accent try out British sayings, but amusing nonetheless. “Have you been eating?”
“Don’t be so dramatic. I do have instant noodles on the shelf. And I mainly eat at the diner.” Genevieve shrugged, her attention migrated back to her pages. What at first glance looked like to be ten simple problems turned out to be a mess of numbers and formulas that weren’t making any sense. 
“That God awful place serves nothing but heart disease! It takes a whole stack of napkins to soak up that grease!” Meena scoffed as she replaced the bin with a fresh bag. On multiple occasions, she had cornered a frightened Walter to discuss his technique and may have even manipulated him to add a vegan alternative to his infamous pancakes. Thanks to Meena, Flo’s now served gluten-free, vegetarian, and no sugar added options. Genevieve firmly believed Walter did it out of fear, but he won’t admit it. “And instant noodles are not a meal, we have talked about this.”
“‘Course they are! An efficient one too.”
“What happened to ‘We’re gonna change things this year, Meena! Real changes! You won’t recognize me by the time I’m done’?” 
If there was one thing Meena Ahmed took seriously, it was New Year’s resolutions. She kept every one ever since she was old enough to make them. She hadn’t missed a gym day for the past three years. When she said she would take on meditation, she actually did. When her mind became set on studying abroad in London, on January first, she was boarding a plane. 
So when the following December 31st hit and Genevieve was one too many drinks in with Meena, she found herself making empty promises of eating better and taking care of herself. Little did Meena know that to Genevieve, resolutions were much like a two-week free trial. As soon as that time frame was up, you could up and go. 
“I put in a solid effort for a week, and that’s what counts!”
“We need to go to the shops. You have nothing here. You need a list.” The pen between Genevieve’s fingers was swiped and the tearing of paper was quick from her notebook. She was also very much into being intrusive. “Let’s start off with the basics. Eggs, milk, bread. Do you want tea?”
“I can do my own groceries! I’m not a child, Meena!”
“Could’ve fooled me. By the looks of it, you’ve been living off frosted flakes. Do you even know where the closest store is?”
Genevieve scoffed and propped herself on the counter with the back of her elbows. “Of course I do, I am very much capable of taking care of myself.”
Meena paused. Her body turned towards Genevieve with her full, utmost attention. Her eyes scanned her from head to toe, Genevieve was being appraised.
She didn’t put effort to hide the worried crinkle forming between her brows. “Have you showered today? Changed your clothes?”
Genevieve wasn’t a slob, but she did let herself go at times. It was something that Meena, who religiously went to get fresh manicures every two weeks, couldn’t quite grasp.  
“Oh, sod off! I was just about to run myself a bath before you came barreling in.”
She wasn’t, but Meena didn’t need to know that.
“Hm, what type of tea?” Meena asked after rolling her eyes dismissively. 
“Green, please.”
“Let’s get some pasta, green beans, kidney beans, and some lentils.”
Genevieve’s nose scrunched. “I don’t even know what to do with lentils.”
“I have a great recipe for a dal curry. I’ll teach you, it’ll be perfect. We can make a whole day out of it.”
A whole day? For lentils? Genevieve opened and closed her mouth shut, no words came out. She sighed, getting Meena to budge was a faraway dream. She rubbed her strained eyes as Meena listed off something about the lack of vitamins in her diet. She was now on a tangent explaining how an increase in omega-3 and healthy fats in her diet could be beneficial when Genevieve's front door knob jiggled. There was a grunt and a strategic kick to the door, and it flew open.
“Gen!” he panted, his tongue slipped out unintentionally like a dog. His cheeks were flushed a cherry red, probably from the trek up the stairs. Jonah’s backpack was twice the size of him. He wore a shirt with his favourite comic book character, its armpits a shade darker than the rest of his shirt.
He had a ghost white face and his left eye twitched. “Hey, bud, you alright?” Genevieve raised a brow.
Little lungs took in a heavy breath, quite like pulling the handles of a bicycle air pump up.
“I don’t get the trigonometric equations! I have a test tomorrow! Mrs. Hansuld was going over the review in class and it looked like she was speaking Russian— and I know I should’ve been studying last week but they just released the new version of Triton Galaxy X and it was just so beyond cool, Gen. I am already on level twelve, and, well, now I have a test and I don’t know any of it. Nothing. Zero. I don’t think I can even add numbers anymore.”
Genevieve looked at Meena. Her mouth was parted from shock as she blinked at the frazzled boy in front of them. “You’re so tiny… but you, you speak so much and so fast.”
“Um, actually, you’re mistaken.” He raised an accusing finger. His height was a sensitive topic. He was at the stage where all his friends were getting growth spurts and growing like weeds, whereas he had yet to experience his own. “I am almost five foot and that is within the normal height range on WebMD, Docs4You and according to my pediatrician.” 
Genevieve found it amusing that his voice reached a higher pitch the more defensive he got. He was a whistle by the end of his sentence. It also didn’t help that his last name was Smalls and kids in school could be cruel. 
“‘Course, yeah, I’m sorry. My bad.” Meena nodded quickly. She knew she hit a nerve as she backed up slowly. She scratched the back of her neck. “Um, well, Gen and I were planning on picking up groceries, but I’ll go grab ‘em.”
“Great, I’ll go take my books out.” Jonah dragged his bag like a potato sack into the living room.  
“You really don’t have to, Meena.” 
“Gen, it’s no big deal,” she brushed off. “Anyway, I don’t think your pal wants me around much. I need an escape and maybe a magazine too.”
When Meena gulped uncomfortably, Genevieve shook her head. She pushed herself off the counter. 
“Here take my card.” Genevieve shoved the plastic rectangle into Meena’s hand. A comforting squeeze was given. “If you get him one of those milk chocolate bars, he will forgive you in ten minutes tops.”
“Right,” Meena laughed. “I’ll be back in no time.”
***
October 27, 2019
There was a buzzing.
The room was swallowed in darkness, the crescent moon that hung behind the window didn’t provide enough light to warrant a quick search. It was enough of a reason for Genevieve to shut her half opened lids.
Except that the buzzing began again. 
Genevieve groaned into her pillow until the nuisance came to a full stop. Whoever was beckoning her attention could do without it until the sun came up. There was an ache in her neck from the poor posture that her body folded in. To top it off, she had an 8:00 a.m. class. There were not enough hours in the night so she was clinging on to any thread of peace. She tossed and turned until she got the sheets pooled around her in just the right way.
Just when Genevieve was about to slip into the blissful state of unconsciousness, the aggravating buzz started once more. The less than pleased frown on her lips could surely make fresh flowers wilt. Her limbs were heavy with sleep as she moved her duvet to find the pesky device. Genevieve lived in a shithole. Labelling her room a shoe box would be bordering glamorous. Although, it did make it easier to find things. 
It took a couple of shuffles and twists to hear the thud of a screen colliding against the floorboard. The damn thing was still ringing. The brightness on the unknown caller screen made her face glow blue and the back of her eyes burn; she shut them while blindly hitting the green circle. 
“Hm?” Her voice croaked. 
“You know the time I got you out of a thing?”
Their words were slurred and the glowing digits on her windowsill read 5:26 a.m. This meant one thing only. “No, sorry. Wrong number.” 
Genevieve brought the phone away from her face, and just as her finger hovered over the red circle, a needy yelp cried out.
“Gen! Don’t hang up!”
Her eyes rolled with an aggravated sigh, fingers reluctantly pressing the device to the side of her head. There was sleep crusted in the corners of her eyes and she had to blink a couple of times to adjust to the darkness.“What do you want, Niall?”
“You see, I’m in this predicament… and I might need someone sober and with a car.”
“Then call a bloody Uber. Who do you think I am?”
“Look, I thought that. But—”
There was rustling on the other side. After some bickering, another voice spoke through the line. 
“Gen, come get this tosser or else he will pass out on my floor. I swear, I’ll lock up with him inside.” 
“How bad is he?” Genevieve was already pushing aside textbooks on her floor in search of a pair of trousers. With one leg inside and the receiver pressed between her cheek and shoulder, she hopped on her bedroom floor. 
“Not good. He is a right mess.”
“I’ll be there in ten. Just keep giving him water, please? Thanks for the ring, Ted.” She knew Niall well enough to know that this wasn’t his bright and shiny idea. If it were up to him, he would pass out on a park bench. 
“Got your number scratched on the wall for a reason.” The click sounded on the other side, then the line dropped afterwards.
It was true. If you looked hard enough you could make out the chicken scratched scribbles right under the faux payphone mounted inside The Cabinet, where the beers were cheap and Niall Horan was reachable at the slightest inconvenience that struck his life. Last week, it was because he had failed his mid-term. This week, the problem was blonde and walking across campus and shared one too many of his courses.
“No, Gen, she’s just too gorgeous, it’s unbelievable. I think I am in love.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to happen, but congrats.” 
Ted adored Niall immensely when he was bringing more business to the pub and getting the word out, not when he was a blubbering mess on the sticky countertops. He sipped his drinks like water to the point that Ted would morph into a psychiatrist. This happened so often that it had become a ritual. The day Niall stopped burdening him with his problems was a day that failed to exist. 
Much like her room, the small flat didn’t have the lights on. Genevieve didn’t need them to navigate her path, her fingers haphazardly pulled on her boots and plucked the bundle of keys from a mug. 
Her car, a well-loved hand-me-down, was nothing lavish. It got her from point A to B without much resistance on good days. Her foot eased on the gas, with the route was well versed and memorized. After a couple of stop signs, her destination would be reached. The streets were empty and not one car was spotted at any intersections. 
A light breeze roamed around and brought goosebumps to the surface of her skin. She should’ve brought a sweater, she thought, as her teeth began to chatter. Her dark hair was haphazardly twisted into a bun and rested on the top of her head. The car door shut behind her as she quickly jogged across the street to where the pub was located. 
The street was lonely. 
There were only a handful of people that would be up at this hour. This subgroup of people definitely did not include her. She thought she was still partly asleep when there was a familiar figure pacing down the sidewalk towards her. Maybe it was the dark, but even after she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms, the slope of the person remained familiar. As they got closer, the once blurred image sharpened, and she felt her stomach flip. 
A slight panic arose in Genevieve’s eyes. He was too close of a distance for her to dash through the doors, and it would’ve been clear that she was making a run from him. She doesn’t recall when exactly their encounters began to turn dreadful. But the reality of the situation wasn’t how, it was the fact that they had. This was the second time he stood across from her. The rate of their reunions was at an all time high after years spent apart. It made a heavy weight rest on her chest, her own personal Sisyphus boulder. 
Tiptoeing and maneuvering their way around each other was the hardest part. There wasn’t a book in the world that taught you how to stand across someone that you once spoke to every day. There was a time Genevieve could tell what each tilt, rise, and fall of Harry’s face meant. How do you go from sharing friends, laughter, a life, to becoming nothing short of hollow strangers? As they stood across from each other on an empty street, they only shared blank stares.
“Hi.” His breathing was a bit uneven, and Genevieve saw the beginnings of roses bloom on his cheek under the streetlights. His moose coloured hair was tucked under a beanie and there was a slight stubble on his chin.
“You are running?” Genevieve squinted at him. Navy gym shorts hung off his hips and a full sleeve athletic shirt was on top. “At five in the morning?” 
Genevieve hated how Harry looked brand new. In the midst of a mountain worth of chaos and hurt, how he managed to look shiny, pre-packaged, and unopened was well beyond her. She had to hold herself together with her bare arms when her seems unravelled. Harry was happier before Genevieve and it was something she had to be okay with. There was no specific reason why. It was just how reality worked. 
“By the time I’m done, it will be six. I’ll have to get up anyway.” His shoulders rose and fell in a mindless shrug. Genevieve brought her arms to fold across her chest, her fists cuddled under her armpits to trap heat.
“You’re insane.” Genevieve shook her head. The neon trainers he had on rivalled the brightness of the open sign hung on the doors of The Cabinet. When Genevieve thought she had made enough of an effort at a civil conversation, she turned around to push the heavy glass door. There was nothing else to say to him.
Conversation with Harry wasn’t always a chore. She was able to speak without having to think twice or second guess herself. Now, it seemed like every word led to a dead end of an inescapable maze.
Genevieve accepted that Harry was no longer the person she came to with her favourite songs, books and a cup of tea. She wondered if whatever reminiscent memoir she had in her memory of him served true till today. Her Harry was never the sober driver or the early bird runner. She did not expect him to stay the same. No, that would be cruel. But a small part of her wanted to know if she had known him at all. 
Before her weight gave to the door, his voice chimed up.
“You’re drinking?”
“God no, I’m, um—No. I’m here for a friend.” Genevieve paused, a deep breath circled her lungs and helped her string some words together. “He’s gone a bit over the top.” She chuckled. It wasn’t soft and light, but rather felt like sandpaper. 
“Oh, right. ‘Course.” Harry rubbed at the back of his neck with his fingers. He blinked to the ground, the cracked concrete suddenly became much more of an interest. “I wasn’t— it’s just, I run this route every morning and I never see you and maybe I thought—”
“It’s okay, Harry.” He began to run his fingers through his hair, the beanie scrunched in his left hand. “I really need to help my friend, yeah?” 
“Right, I’ll see you around?”
Genevieve left his question hung in the air like forgotten laundry on a washing line. She thought it was better than saying I hope not. She didn’t want to mention that she tried to avoid him to the best of her ability. Genevieve knew his habits, his patterns. She had knowledge about places he went to, so, naturally, she didn’t. It was a triumph for her to go without months of seeing him. But there was only so much she could do. Juggling probabilities of his whereabouts would never assign her a one hundred percent assurance of erasing him, even with a ninety-nine percent confidence interval.
“Genny?” he called out again. The rational part of her wanted to pretend she didn’t hear him and walk through the door. Instead, she took a breath through her nose and turned around slowly. She wrapped her arms tighter together as the temperature dropped by the second. “Um, do you think we could talk sometime?”
There was a frailness to his voice. He was nervous. Genevieve knew this because he had made a mess of his hair with the number of times his fingers combed it back. 
The next words off her tongue painted a sad smile on his raspberry chapped lips. He looked exhausted, the grey shadows under his eyes beckoned her to not beat around the bush.
“We are talking, Harry.”
Confrontation was a foreign concept to Genevieve. Brushing it under the rug and forgetting about it seemed the best way for her. If it is out of sight, it will be out of mind. But Harry had other plans. He wanted to strip the house down and uncover every corner Genevieve thought to be her hiding spot. It was an intrusion and she didn’t want him to come knocking down doors. 
“No, I mean—”
“It was nice seeing you,” she said, her mouth set into a thin, straight line as she held eye contact. They were still the same deep green with golden flecks. She had seen them angry, hopeful, teary, but right now they were desperate.
The slight tilt to her head told Harry not to push it. To leave things as they were. He served as a walking reminder of loss and all the things she wanted to forget. Their situation did not have to go back to a normal distribution; their data was skewed, and the standard deviation was large enough to wedge a significant distance from their past to present.
Change was good, even if it was different. Over time, the further apart she was from him the better it was for her. And she hoped it was the same for him.  
No one warned Genevieve that holding a grudge required discipline and so much energy. She felt drained, her bones became weak enough they could snap in half. There was no brochure that outlined the ins and out of the process. Your brain worked overtime to disguise clenched jaws and tight fists without any compensation.
On the surface, everything appeared smooth and stonelike. Beneath, lied the hot white anger. That type of anger was something no one wanted to intentionally claim; it was an orphan. It builds and builds and builds until you cannot see through it. You’re blinded, you’re revengeful. 
“Yeah.” Harry swallowed a lump in his throat. He teetered on the balls of his feet and toes with his bottom lip caged between his teeth. He was debating on what to say next, and Genevieve wished it would be something short and quick. She wanted him to say a casual goodbye that was heard between strangers in a coffee shop or book store. Something that didn’t make her want to burst into a river of tears. “One more thing.”
“Hm?”
“Nice shirt.” There was a quirk to one side of his mouth where a dimple had coined itself on his cheek. It was an innocent compliment. Something a friend might say to another. Before she could give a reply, he had turned around and broken into a light jog.
Genevieve watched his figure become muddy until the darkness hid him completely. It was an odd thing to say, her appearance was something she could give less of a shit about at five in the morning. She had literally gotten out in the clothes she slept in. 
Genevieve brushed his words off. She wanted a dry goodbye and he delivered. It was nothing more.
Without thinking twice, she pushed the doors open and warmth from inside greeted her. The pub remained looking the same since she had walked in with her two best mates three years before. It was a hole in the wall, fixed in between a thrifting and convenience store. It littered with mismatched chairs and alcohol stains, a pool table and dart boards lined the further corner, and a random sports channel glowed on the box TV. Niall’s blond hair was easily spotted; it laid on the century old cherry wood bar. The posture his back was slumped on the stool insured neck cramps.
The doors behind the bar came swinging open as the bells above chimed of her entrance. A rag rested on his shoulder and he wore a well loved band shirt from his touring days. For someone who was found frowning on most days, Ted beamed a smile at Genevieve. 
“Good! You’re here!” His shoulders dropped in relief as she made her way closer to her friend. “He’s been miserable.”
“Gen? Is that you?” Niall grumbled from his position. “Oh, shut it, Ted. You’re giving me no option but to take my money elsewhere,” Niall slurred as he lifted his head off the wood. There were lines indented on his cheek from his possible snooze. 
“Those are empty words.” Ted rolled his eyes easily and used his rag to clean up the surface that Niall previously occupied. 
“You know what else is empty, Theodore? This glass!” It rattled against the countertop when Niall dramatically set it down. 
Ted’s shoulders shook as he chuckled, crinkles lining the corners of his eyes. “I’m not pouring you another drop, mate.”
“Who said it was for me? Have you seen Gen? She looks proper in need of a few.”
With a deep sigh, Genevieve took the stool beside Niall. Her head slowly turned to scan the pub. A place that was the heart of loud laughter and cheers was dimmed down since they were the only ones. With her elbows propped up on the counter, she pressed her index fingers to her temples. 
“You do look a bit poorly. Under the weather?”
“No, not at the moment,” she sighed.
“Well, you look like shit,” Niall blurted.
“Thanks, Niall, really.” Genevieve glared with a frown. “Remind me to never do a kind thing for you ever again. Sorry I wasn’t in full glam when you called at ass crack of dawn.”
“Did you see a ghost or something? You look sick.” Niall squinted his eyes and pinched her cheek between his thumb and index finger. It was rather quickly slapped away with a snarl. “Ouch!”
“Nothing a pint can’t cure.” A tall glass slid in front of Genevieve. Condensation dripped and pooled on the counter. The frothy foam rested on top and sat at the rim without tipping over. “On the house.” 
A Stella didn’t sound like a bad idea to Genevieve. She felt like she deserved one. After all, two encounters with the person she disliked the most was beginning to become exhausting. The car keys weighed down in her pocket, her bones ached and her temples pulsed. A tired yawn stretched her face as the drink laid rested on the cherry wood. 
Niall scoffed as Genevieve stared at the drink for a moment too long. “If you don’t take it, I will!” 
His fingers crept to grasp the glass, and Genevieve batted his greedy hands away. “Paws off, Niall.”
A cold drink couldn’t hurt, she decided. The first sip eased the tense muscles in her shoulders. Niall found a basket of chips to pick at in the meantime. He probably ordered them to soak up his alcohol intake.
Genevieve could hear Ted in the kitchen. The shifting of pots and pans meant that he was officially closing up for the night. She thought the least she could do was flip the remaining barstools on the counter. 
In the two seconds that she had abandoned her glass, she had turned to see Niall gulping like fish.
“No more!” He made a strangled sound as the rim was pulled from his lips. “Don’t need your puke in my car.”
Genevieve threw back what was left of the drink. “You could just pull the window down and I’ll mind me business.”
Genevieve squinted her eyes to catch a better look at Niall and she noticed he was turning a few shades greener. He had on a dopey grin and his eyes were almost shut. Niall became whiny when he got sick, and if Genevieve were to let that happen in the pub there would be no chance of him leaving.
“How about we get you to an actual sink, yeah?”
With an arm thrown over her shoulder and Niall almost near collapsing on her, she yelled a farewell to Ted. He was more preoccupied with rubbing the stove clean but he got the message, yelling muffled goodbye of his own.
The car parked across the street never felt further away. Niall was in his own world, mumbling some drunk words into her hair. Genevieve caught some that thanked her for taking care of him. She took each step slowly. 
Getting Niall into the passenger seat was a process, one she thought she had got down pat. She had done everything as planned, put his head to the right, made sure he had enough room to stretch his legs and of course, double checked to see if he had his phone and wallet on him. Apparently, this was taking too long and Niall reached over to slam the door shut.
Genevieve had jumped back just in time that no fingers were caught between doors. She sighed in relief before shooting a glare at Niall. He looked at the fabric that stretched from her stomach. “Oops?” 
Genevieve rolled her eyes at Niall, who burst into giggles because it turned out everything was more hilarious at 5:00 a.m. She tugged at the material.
It was old and ratty. It was two sizes too big and hung off her frame, there were stains, holes, some she never remembered putting in herself. It took her a moment, with the fabric bunched between her digits, the gears in her brain set into place. The sharp intake of breath hit the back of her throat and the air on the street suddenly froze.
***
October 27, 2019
“It’s stupid, Gen.” The clicking of a game controller didn’t halt. The animated character on the screen ran towards a glowing torch. Jonah adjusted the headpiece he had on over his ears, probably muting himself so the other kids wouldn’t hear Genevieve lecture him. Beside him sat a bowl of finished popcorn on the sofa, like his player two, and unpopped kernels rattled every time he enthusiastically surged towards the TV screen.  
“This is due in two days, Jonah,” Genevieve emphasized. She had unzipped his backpack. His agenda was hard to read, his chicken scratch writing almost made Genevieve mistake a significant date for scribbles. It was for his English class, something that he had yet to mention, which Genevieve found odd because he always told her about his school work. Okay, it was more like Genevieve made sure he told her, but same thing regardless. “How are you planning on starting and editing and finishing it?”
She knew better than to talk to boys in the middle of a game. There was no use. Her experience regarding it only went one way, everything went in one ear and out the other. It was fascinating, really; their eyes would glaze over and for a short ten minutes the real world wouldn’t exist. They would become so immersed in whatever universe was in front of them. It had been once explained to Genevieve as almost the same thing as reading a good book, but with the exception that the player was put in charge of the main character’s decisions. 
His tongue poked out at the side and the Playstation keys were innocent victims to his quick jabs. His shoulders deflated when the message on the screen informed him of the scoreboard. He grumbled something under his breath before his miniature joystick highlighted the option to opt for another round. “I’ll edit it while I’m writing it.” He shrugged mindlessly. 
“I’m being serious.”
“I am too.” 
“What’s up with you? You usually love finishing your assignments for Mrs. Yu’s class.”
“Look how stupid the prompt is,” Jonah grumbled. Genevieve’s fingers were already pulling out a crumpled rubric and pressing it flat so it stayed without folding in on itself. Eyes scanned the short blurb of instructions which Jonah soon summarized. “Pick a month and personify it. What type of pretentious—”
“I think it’s very neat. Creative. Have you selected a month yet?” 
“Sure.” His flat tone said otherwise.
Genevieve rolled her eyes at his antics. “If you don’t spend enough time on this, she will give you an easy fifty. That will bring down your average and universities look at that. What will you do then?”
She reached over to the table to take a sip from her water bottle.
The Smalls residence was the same layout when compared to her flat, so it didn’t take long to get familiar to it. Granted, it was more furnished and had Jonah’s gaming consoles already hooked up to use. The latter being the deciding factor of Jonah’s executive decision to procrastinate his work for another week. Usually, Jonah would pop in after school to Genevieve’s, but she had just returned from a shift at the diner and his door was cracked ajar.
Like many days, his father left for the construction site and wouldn’t be back until after dinner, and the only appliance Jonah knew how to use was a microwave. Genevieve had some food which Walter packed for her and it was more than enough to share with a growing boy. His diet was worse than hers. He could go weeks on Pop Tarts and Twizzlers from his cafeteria vending machine. Plus, he wasn’t bad company to have around. 
“Easy. Play the dead mum card. Works like a charm.” 
Genevieve spluttered the water out, coughing since it had gone down the wrong tube. 
“Jonah!”
Her jaw went slack and her eyes widened, a slight worry arose. She wasn’t well versed on the ins and outs of parenting—she preferred to see him as a younger sibling— or child trauma, but even she had a hunch that there was something troubling and incredibly off about the way he had referred to the passing of his mother so nonchalantly. 
“What?” Jonah asked, dumbfounded. 
“You can’t just say stuff like that!”
“‘Course I can. You have no idea the amount of pity and sympathy they throw at your feet. At first, I despised it, because obviously I wasn’t a knocked over puppy like they were making me out to be.” His character on the screen jumped to deflect an obstacle. A triumph smile was the direct result. “But then, I was like what the hell, you know? Like if it’s there already, why not play my cards right and score some sort of advantage from it?”
Genevieve blinked. She tilted her head to attempt understanding his analogy. 
“Well, that sure is one way to look at it,” she said after a short pause. “But I am not gonna let you do that to Mrs. Yu. Something tells me you’ve already done it one too many times.”
He paused his game and finally turned to her, giving her more than his side profile at last. A hellish grin split his face. “How else do you think I got a month extension on that book report and a perfect score on our last quiz?”
“I don’t know… I had assumed hard work and honesty?”
“Wake up, Gen! This is the real world and the rules are different in this game!” 
“Alright, bud, you’re cut off from this game.” Genevieve pushed the power button on the TV remote that laid limply to her right. The screen became black with a click. Jonah’s back hit the backrest of the sofa, the bouncy cushion slightly propelled him further before absorbing his weight. “Let’s at least get started on a rough copy, how does that sound?”
He groaned with his head tilted back and eyes shut. “Excruciating, torturous, maybe illegal.”  
“I’m asking you to get a start on your project, not abducting you.” His pace to grab the rest of his belongings from the table two meters away from him could rival a snail. “Now, do you have a month in mind?”
“I was thinking maybe like February, December, or even October.” He opened an empty page in his notebook and clicked the top of his mechanical pencil to give away some lead. “Because, like, it will be easy to build a character off them because they all have some sort of festive holiday thing to them.”
“That’s a great start. But don’t you think it’s a bit expected? It is a creative piece, so let’s maybe brainstorm something out of the box. Try picking a month that doesn’t have a holiday attached to it.”
He sighed deeply through his nose. The thought of putting in a smidge bit of effort was like pulling teeth.
Jonah had started to doodle in the margins. He drew three tallies, evenly spread, and added another row of them. He then connected them in a way which Genevieve recognizes to be the symbol on a superhero’s chest. 
“August?” 
Genevieve swallowed a bug.
“Why did you pick that? What significance does it have to you?” Genevieve doesn’t miss a beat, it aided to mask her surprise. 
“Well, I don’t know!” He throws his hands up exasperatedly. “You said pick one, so I did.” He pointed out, his tone reminded Genevieve of how a middle schooler says “duh”. 
“Come on. Think a bit.” 
“It’s like... sort of like the last month of summer and it brings in fall. Which is the season where we witness life slip away, but barely because it happens so slowly.” 
Genevieve’s heart swells for two reasons. Jonah was a bright kid, well beyond his age. It was something he hid and purposefully tried his utmost best not to let shine through. Genevieve had guessed the reason behind his reluctance was mainly because Jonah was at that age where he just wanted to fit in and not stand out like a sore thumb. But every once in a blue moon, he would slip up. When he allowed himself to think out loud, his ideas lined in a way where it wasn’t just the tip of the iceberg anymore. The depth gave away his brilliance. 
The first time Genevieve was left speechless by him was when he analyzed one of his favourite comic book characters with an intensity that put the burning sun to shame. Then again when he asked her to edit his essay on a world issue. And once more when he asked her how to approach a girl in his science class that he clearly fancied. Genevieve tried to define this tendency of his as a recurring variable in Jonah’s equation. 
In many more ways than one, August held an importance like no other to Genevieve. It was a month that was easily overlooked because it was caught in a war for attention between the summer months and upcoming winter holidays. Its propinquity to strong competition was something that made it easy to forget. If it was a person, she was sure it would be a quiet boy around her age. Probably with a penchant for befriending girls and breaking hearts so slowly that you don’t even know it’s happening. 
Genevieve hummed in agreement with Jonah. 
“Go on.”
“Let’s say if I were to go with this month, I wouldn’t focus on death because that would be something colder, like December or January or like the first snowfall.” His pencil sounded against his notebook. A string of notes were effortlessly coming together as Jonah continued. He suddenly stopped writing and his face scrunched in thought as he stared at the blank TV screen with as much focus that could convince you it was on. “I think August is knowing you’re losing someone or something without the assurance of finding them again... and letting it deliberately happen.”
“Isn’t that almost death?” Genevieve raised a brow. 
“Almost, but not quite.” He tapped his pencil to the metal like coils that ran down the side. “August is loss, parting away. You know, something along the lines of donating old clothes, a friend becoming a stranger, even placing car keys somewhere different.”
Genevieve knew exactly what he was talking about. She couldn’t really describe the feeling of losing a friend in words with sharp precision. It was the same as repeating a word again and again until it came to the point you deluded yourself into thinking it belongs to another language completely.  
Jonah peered up, awaiting a response or another prompt to further his development. Instead, Genevieve smiled sadly and shakes her head. 
“What?!”
“Nothing.” She laughed softly, a bit winded.
There was just something about him that was light years ahead. Something so pure and good and applaudable that made you think about the character that so many adults lacked and how it was sitting in front of you in a corked up bottle of a preteen boy. He had lost his mother, his father wasn’t around, he didn’t have many friends at school, and he picked the month of August. He had hit the nail on what it was so eloquently that Genevieve could burst into tears. But she refrained, instead opted to narrow her eyes jokingly his way.
“You’re just too smart for your own good, is all.”
That night she went to sleep thinking about August.
How he probably wore wrinkled shirts so effortlessly, with his hair in a gentle disarray. People would make a note to comment on his ridiculously long eyelashes, but she favoured his eyes. They were round and shiny and reminded her of a cloudy marble, the colour of slate. He was charming but had an air of coyness about him that was inviting and deliberate. With skin the colour of oat and a smile like rain, it came or it didn't, he was a knockout. She hypothesized the variable that contributed to his allure had less to do with his looks and more with how he made you feel. 
He made you feel wanted, he made you feel like you were someone. 
***
October 31, 2016
It didn’t take long for Genevieve to spot him, his back was slouched against the red brick wall of a tall building. A pair of old wayfarers sat on the bridge of his nose and his arms pretzeled over his chest easily. His jaw went slack then tight, this pattern repeated like clockwork until Genevieve got close enough to notice he was working a piece of gum lazily. With his head tilted to the sky and one leg crossed over the other, he was imitating textbook boredom. 
“Do you have it?” Dried leaves crunched beneath the sole of his boots as he unravelled his legs and stood up straighter than before as Genevieve’s figure approached near. She could tell he was raising his brows, but they didn’t make an appearance, still hidden behind his frames.
“Yeah.” Genevieve dipped her index finger and thumb to the front right side pocket of her jeans. It took some wiggling to pluck out a piece of metal, smooth on one side and teeth jagged on the other. The metal was warm when dropped into his open palm. “Why the sudden need for it? Have you finally taken up my advice on actually locking your doors yet?”
It was natural for him to give Genevieve a spare key, a strategy that had served him well on multiple occasions. He had lost his more than once within the span of the first two months of getting his flat. This habit had come to a point that recovery was not an option; he preferred to keep his door unlocked anyway. Genevieve pointed out it was a safety hazard, but he liked to call it being efficient. In between locking himself out or forgetting his own key, Genevieve was a dependable solution.
“Not quite, don’t get too ahead of yourself.” She had seen his long black eyelashes hit the inside of his sunglasses, a clear indicator of him rolling his eyes. “I need it for a friend. He doesn’t have a place to stay for a while, and I offered the couch. Are you done with your lectures for the day?”
“I’m afraid not. Got one more and I’m free,” Genevieve sighed defeatedly. She shifted her bag from her right shoulder to the left. Today, she only had her laptop and one textbook, but the strap of her bag still created red dents on her shoulders from the weight. “Did you end up going to your tutorial?”
He gave her a look that was enough of an answer. His glasses rose on his face as a result of him scrunching his nose up in disgust. The tips of his mouth pulled downwards as sourness glazed his features. 
“If it’s before noon, I’m not going; you know this, Genny.” He rubbed his nose with the back of his finger. “Can I tempt you to skip by offering the first round at The Cabinet?”
“It’s like…” Genevieve glanced at her wrist watch. “One.”
“I’m not hearing a no.” He grinned, a smile pressed deeply into his face. “Come on, Gen! You’ll get to meet my pal too. I think you’ll get along really well. And Ted is offering half off today. It’s a win-win. What could be more important than good company?”
“Dynamic Systems Differential Equations, unfortunately.” The course name was a mouthful and her dull tone was enough insight into what it was like.
“That sounds like a migraine.”
“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” She laughed sans humour already picturing the formulas needed for her practice problems. “Speaking of migraines, what are we doing as costumes for Hannah Morton’s party?”
He squinted his eyes and paused for a moment. Migraine Morton was a nickname that stuck onto the bottom of your sneaker like chewing gum. “Is that tonight?” 
“Well it is the thirty-first of October.” Her arms stretched to gesture towards the building she had exited from. “Do the carved pumpkins and the stick on ghost figures not make that obvious enough?”
“Fuck, I don’t know.” He winced in reply to her previous question. A fingernail scratched at the corner of his forehead. “I was thinking of piggybacking off whatever you’re dressed as.”
Genevieve’s brows creased and her head tilted. “What do you mean?” 
“If you’re Frankenstein, I’ll be the doctor.” He pointed to Genevieve and then to himself. “Bonnie, Clyde. Sherlock, Watson.” 
“You want to go coordinating? Isn’t that a bit…”
“What?” He prompted with a laugh spluttering from his lips. It was fresh and bright, and Genevieve didn’t know exactly when it would stop sounding like this. He had amusement glittering in his gaze, there was a youthfulness about him that was so prominent and bold. He leaned closer. “Are you too cool to go coordinating now? Don’t tell me you can’t sit beside me at the lunch table too.”
It was ironic because they both knew Genevieve had always chose him to split her fruit roll-up candy since pre-school. In return, he would never pick up the red smarties whenever they shared a pack because those were her favourite, despite the number of times you told her the colour doesn’t affect the taste. 
“I don’t know, a bit coupley? I mean, it worked well when we were eight. Would you think Hannah would mind?” 
To this, he scoffed.
“Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. Why would she?”
“She’s clearly into you, like a lot, and I don’t want to get in the middle of that. And I hear she’s going around saying that she’s your girlfriend.”
He closed his eyes gently and breathes out a sigh. “She’s not my—”
“I know that! You know that! But does she?” 
His phone buzzed and the question hung in the air until his fingers stopped their dance on the screen. He looked over her shoulder as if waiting for someone. 
“Doesn’t matter, she will soon enough.” He shrugged, his voice was distracted and far away. And that was one thing about him that Genevieve couldn’t shake off no matter how hard she tried. He broke hearts knowingly, and did it anyway. “What time do you want me to come pick you up?”
“I’m done with class at five. I’ll have to stop by Party City at six, then do my modules so that will take me till nine, then I—” Rolling tires sounded loudly against the pavement as they approached behind her. The closer they got, the less time she had to finish her train of thought. The radio was a few notches down from its max setting.
“Be ready at nine. No later.” He gripped her shoulders with both hands, brought her close and pressed a messy kiss against her hair. He smelled of cigarettes and toothpaste and beer. 
“No, I won’t be, I have to do my laundry and—”
“Great. Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” 
And he was gone. He opened and shut the passenger side of the beat up Honda Civic in two seconds. The driver was familiar to Genevieve, it was another blonde, not Hannah, with thick eyeliner. She was a regular turn up at every monotonous party thrown each weekend. She had seen her get too close to him on more than one instance. He convinced Genevieve to poke in at a few, but the scene was like a broken record and her lack of interest dwindled in them too quickly.
It once even prompted her to bring her textbook to do practice problems to keep her from falling asleep as drunk students lit up a joint around her. Every once in a while he would trap grey smoke in his cheeks and blow it directly on her face to elicit a scowl, something he found beyond hilarious when his inhibitions weren’t intact. 
The girl’s hair was knotted and she had a less than pleased demeanour, probably nursing a hangover of her own. She stomped her foot down on the gas. He didn’t even have his seatbelt done before their bodies lurched backwards and the car zoomed out from the parking lot of the mathematical sciences department building. The radio became only a faint sound away the longer Genevieve stood there. 
By the time she got to Party City, the student working behind the counter gave her an apologetic look. All the decent costumes were sold out. He led her to the back of the store where the remaining costumes were kept. Being a university student meant she couldn’t break the bank for something so trivial. In the plastic bin lied a pair of fangs and a deflated witches hat that had a tear near the rim. There were masks, but she would be better off by taking a paintbrush to her face. 
She sighed deeply, her lips pursing in thought. It was obvious her plans of coordinating were a dream far away. That was until she turned around. 
A long hat cowered in the corner. It had thick red and white stripes, she pictured it with eyeliner drawn whiskers and a cat ear headband from last year. Maybe even a red bow around her neck. What really sealed the deal for her was the red shirt hung on a hanger right above it. It had a white circle right in the dead centre. The font within the circle was a recognizable outfit from a famous children’s book character. Bonnie and Clyde, Sherlock and Watson, and now Cat in the Hat and Thing 1.
The relief that came along with not trying to maneuver creating an outfit at home was enough to get Genevieve to run to the till. Arts and crafts were not her strongest suits.
The same guy’s eyebrows shot up, surprised at her quick decision making. He shut his latest issue of Men’s Healthy Living and leaned his weight off his elbow. He scanned the items and Genevieve handed him the crisp bill. Before he could finalize the sale, Genevieve thought back to the couch friend that would be accompanying them tonight. Did he have a costume? Inferring from the fact that he didn’t have a roof of his own, a lousy Halloween costume was the least of his worries. But Genevieve found her feet trailing back towards the shop and grabbing the shirt that said Thing 2. The guy added it to her final bill and packed her belongings in a black plastic bag. 
He was late and Genevieve was thankful that her laundry was dry and folded neatly. 
---
Š 2019 almondharry All Rights Reserved
Okay, I think I’m done introducing the main characters. We have quite the cast list, don’t we?
Let me know what u think! I’d love to hear your favourite parts and predictions!
Thank you eriza @booksncoffee for the banner! 
Thank you so much to my wonderful betas @adoremp3 @haaaaaaarrry @drivingmekiwi @at-least-im-1 Ayesha and Hamna! Without them, this would be a jumble of fucked up grammar bc I write at 3am. If you want to beta, shoot me a message!
Tag list: @infinitiae @sortaanonymous @sydneysuit @wonderonrepeat @confusedkiwifan @mylifeisatoilet @awomanindeniall @guccikingstyles @verorax @stylesfics-xx @stylishmuser @at-least-im-1 @mellamolayla  @thursday-iminlove @kizsyou @brassharry @kizsyou @thursday-iminlove @blue-eyes-freckles-and-a-smile @Hollydays @la-peonia
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minjinlix-blog ¡ 6 years ago
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five times kissed (bang chan x reader)
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➥ words: 3k ➥ genre: fluff, growing up au, slight friends-to-lovers au ➥ pairing: bang chan x reader ➥ summary: five times you kiss bang chan, and one time he kisses you. ➥ warning: alcohol & college frat parties
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The first time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s an accident.
You are five years old, and happily drawing during recess break at your elementary school. Sitting on a bench outside, you stare out at the other kids in your class screaming and kicking soccer balls around.  As you look down to add the finishing touches to your drawing – a couple of stick figures – something comes zooming at you.
Before you know it, you’re flat on back, a large bruise starting to form on your forehead where the soccer ball hit you.
“I’m sorry!! It was an accident!” yells a voice from a boy who runs over at you.  Despite your dizziness, you recognize him as Chan, a boy in your class that you shared markers with one time, so you guess that means you were friends.
“Ow,” is all you say, gingerly touching your forehead and scalp.
“Let me help you up!!” Chan’s round eyes seem to be astronomically wide.  He eagerly jumps forward and grasps your arms in his hands, but as he jerks you upward off the ground, your momentum swings your entire body forward and your head slams into his, doubling your pain.  Your lips brush for the slightest instant before your teeth hit his and both of you fall down to the ground in a painful thud.
Immediately you start crying.
“Y/N! Y/N! Are you okay?” Chan yells at you in concern, shaking your arm.  You push him off, wailing.
“M-my mommy said that if I ever kissed a boy, I would get p-p-PREGNANT!”  The tears won’t start falling.  You think you’re going to collapse into a giant hole in the ground that your mommy called hell.
When you look blearily at Chan through your tears, you notice his scandalized expression.
“Does that mean that I’m going to get pregnant too?!”
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The second time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s Woojin’s fault.
“C’mon, Y/N, you have to play Truth or Dare with us,” your best friend Woojin whines as he tugs on your sweater sleeve.
You scoff. “Since when did you ever want to play games like Truth or Dare?” You and Woojin had always been the odd ones out in your seventh grade homeroom class, choosing to clean bathrooms for detention instead of cleaning the classroom like the other students always chose, slacking off in P.E. class by shifting soccer balls between your feet instead of trying to kick them, bringing homemade kimchi and rice instead of getting food in the school cafeteria.  Honestly, you’re surprised that you and Woojin are even here at this party at all – it’s your classmate Yugyeom’s birthday, and he invited the entire class over for pizza and movies at his house.
“Please, Y/N?” Woojin gives you his best puppy eyes, and you already feel your willpower relenting.  Your eyes narrow at him.
“C’mon, you know I can’t say no to you when you give me that look,” you sigh as you plop down on the ground next to him.
“That’s why I give it to you,” Woojin responds cheekily, playfully nudging your shoulder before turning to the person next to him and starting a conversation.  As you look around the circle that’s been formed, you look at all the people you’re playing this juvenile game with.  There’s Chaeyeon, arguably the prettiest girl in the entire grade, sitting awfully close next to Mingyu, arguable the cutest guy in the entire grade.  The class president Jihyo and vice president Dokyeom flank the birthday boy Yugyeom.  And sitting on Woojin’s other side is Bang Chan.
“All right all right! Birthday boy gets to go first!” Jihyo exclaims, clapping her hands enthusiastically. “Yugyeommie, truth or dare?”
“Dare!”
“Okay, I dare you to pick up that gummy bear with your toes and EAT IT!”
You sigh.  This is going to be a long night.
A few rounds later, after Mingyu successfully burped the alphabet, he turns to Chan. “Channie, truth or dare?”
You look over at the pale boy, his hair falling in his face.  Since you and him became friends in elementary school, you had pretty much fallen out of contact with each other.  After first grade, he became friends with a kindergartener named Minho and as he got older, he made more younger friends that he liked to hang out with.  You didn’t know why it was so hard for him to be friends with people his own age, but he seemed happy with his friends.
“Truth,” Chan declares confidently. Mingyu’s eyebrows go up as his face twists into a devilish smirk.
“Have you ever had a crush on anyone in this room?”

At Mingyu’s words, Chan’s eyebrows flush pink.  He coughs a little.
“Uh…yes,” he says.
“Who?” Mingyu presses.
Chan shakes his head. “Nope, I answered your question already! I’m not saying who.” Chaeyeon’s and Jihyo’s eyes widen and they immediately begin whispering as Dokyeom and Yugyeom start laughing loudly. As the noise in the room gets louder, you feel slightly bad for Chan as he continues to stare resolutely at the wall, his cheeks still slightly flushed.
“O-okay!” you try to break through the noise, your voice coming out slightly higher pitched. “Should someone go next?” You catch Chan send you a slight relieved smile.
“Okay, it’s your turn, Y/N!” Chaeyeon exclaims. “Truth or dare?”
“Uh…dare?”

“I dare you to kiss Woojin!” Chaeyeon lets out a high-pitched squeal as her face erupts into a huge smile.
You mime puking. “Ew, I’m not going to do that! Woojin’s my best friend; he’s like my brother!”
“Yeah, and I’m not going to kiss Y/N.  That’s nasty,” Woojin’s face scrunches up.
“C’mon, it’s a dare,” Chaeyeon whines.
“Yeah! It’s a dare.  You can’t back out,” Dokyeom gives you a sharp look. “Or. Else.”
Your eyes widen slightly.  You really didn’t want to know what “Or. Else.” meant.  Scrunching up your face, you look at Woojin.  What harm could a peck do?
“Okay, Woojin, no hard feelings.” You clap his back once and then close your eyes and start to lean in.
“Y-Y/N, what are you doing!!” you hear Woojin’s panicked voice say, but you keep leaning toward him, faster and faster, eyes still closed. Your lips touch something that feels like another pair of lips, albeit slightly cold. You keep your lips pressed together against them for a half-second, then pull back and open your eyes.
Chan’s eyes are staring straight into yours, wide and shocked.  
“Oh my god,” your mouth drops open and you turn to see Woojin curled up in fetal position on the ground.
“You little shit!” you yell at him, smacking his back.  “You ducked down so I wouldn’t kiss you! And I kissed Chan instead! What kind of best friend are you?!” Around you, Mingyu and Yugyeom are dying of laughter.
Your face is flushed.  You can’t look at Chan at all. You stand up.
“I quit this game!” You yell and stomp to the kitchen.  You don’t see Chan’s eyes following you as you leave, his cheeks equally flushed as yours.
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The third time you kiss Bang Chan, it’s in front of five hundred people.
It’s hot. Your skirt itches. But you ignore all of that and stare into Chan’s eyes, your voice filled with emotion and longing.

“Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake,” your lines come out as strong and as smoothly as you had rehearsed, and your heartbeat starts to quicken as your hand laced in his grips slightly tighter.
Chan’s face moves closer to yours, hand cupping your face as he delivers his next line: “Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.” His lips fall upon yours, and you sigh into the kiss, hand fluttering over his shoulders.  For a second, the bright stage lights and itchy dress don’t bother you at all while Chan’s lips feel soft and pillowy against yours.  It isn’t until Chan’s hands drop down to cup your waist that you realize you’re on stage, performing in your high school’s edition of Romeo and Juliet, and that your parents are in the audience watching you.
Your face feels hot as you pull away for your next line. Focus, Y/N, you tell yourself. You’re on stage. You can see from Chan’s slightly glazed eyes that he needs the same reminder – he must be tired or something, you assume – and so you grab his hand and squeeze hard.
He snaps out of it immediately and you throw him a tiny encouraging smile as you deliver your next line.
Your lips are warm for the rest of the show.
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The fourth time you kiss Bang Chan, you’re really drunk.
It’s the first weekend of your first year at college, and your roommate Mina had been raving all day about this frat called SKZ (Sigma Kappa Zeta? Or something like that?) that supposedly threw the best parties.
“It’s going to be so much fun, Y/N!” She gushes as she swipes generous amounts of eyeshadow over her eyelids.  You think she looks slightly raccoon-ish, but she’s still beautiful anyway.
Later as she leads you into a large white house with a nice wraparound porch and a not-so-nice dark interior with blaring music and blinding strobe lights, you immediately feel lost even as Mina’s small hand pulls against yours.  You’re not really the type to go to parties, much less frat parties – you cringe thinking about that one birthday party you went to in middle school all those years ago.
Mina hands you a red solo cup with clear liquid sloshing in it. You look up at her, eyes skeptical.
“What is this?” You shout in her ear over the music.
“Just drink it!” she yells back before downing her own cup and giggling.  You stare down at the liquid, then shut your eyes tight and empty your cup too.  It burns a little in your throat, but otherwise it tastes pretty good. Like juice, almost.
You look at Mina. “Can I get some more of this?”
Six shots later, your head is spinning a little, but you’ve found that moving around makes the dizziness subside, so you’re on the dance floor with Mina, laughing every time someone does a keg stand in the corner of the room. Suddenly Mina gasps.
“Oh my god, those guys are so cute!” she squeals in your ear, pointing at a group of guys near the doorway.  Blinking, you realize you recognize them all. 
“Wait, I think I know them!” you yell, giggling.  “We went to the same high school.” What were the odds that Mingyu, Yugyeom, and Bang Chan also went to your college? And showed up at the same frat party? 

“Oh my god, INTRODUCE ME!” Mina hits your arm. “Please be my wingwoman, please!”
Mina grabs your arm and pulls you closer and closer to the boys.  Chan sees you first, and when you lock eyes, his own widen.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?”
You smile sheepishly up at him and giggle. “Just havinggg fun!!!” you say loudly, swaying a little.  His eyes widen even more.
“Are you drunk?” His eyes look concerned.
“Not at all!” Mina interjects before batting her eyes at Mingyu. “Hi, I’m Mina, Y/N’s roommate!” Mingyu grins down at her.

You’re focused on Chan. “Y/N, I think I should take you home. What dorm are you in?”

“Uh…” Was it Jordan Hall? Or Jerry Hall? Why couldn’t you remember? Why was it even important that you remembered?
“It doesn’t matter!” You announce with conviction before grabbing Chan’s arm. “C’mon Chan, come dance with Mina and me!” But as soon as you start to move again, you start feeling queasy and sway again on your side.
Steady hands grab your arms. “Whoa there, Y/N,” Chan grunts as he pushes against your weight to position you upright again. “Okay, I’m taking you home.”
“You don’t even know where I live,” you whine. In response, Chan reaches around your body, plucks your lanyard from your back pocket and examines the keys on it.

“You’re in Cooper Hall, same dorm as me,” he says. “Let’s go.” And then he takes your hand and drags you out the door.
Your stomach gets queasier as the cool air hits you once you leave the house.
“Channie, how come I never knew you were going to the same university as me?” you ask as Chan leads you down the front porch steps and across the front lawn.
“I don’t know, Y/N, I guess you just never really paid much attention to me,” Chan mumbles, but you hear him anyway.
“That’s not true!” you gasp. “I li-” you cut yourself off. What in the world were you about to say? ‘I like you’? That wasn’t even true. Your tiny crush on Chan had ended after curtains closed that one performance of Romeo and Juliet in your junior year of high school. You and Chan hadn’t really spoken much since then, even though he had become good friends with Woojin because they liked this one same obscure singer. No. You didn’t like Chan. Not in that way! You stopped in your tracks, hand falling out of Chan’s.
“I don’t like you!” You shouted, staring furiously ahead at the night sky.  Chan looks incredibly confused and maybe a little hurt.

“What?” he asks, his hand retracting.
“Ugh, no! Maybe I do. I don’t know!” You grab your head. “I. JUST. WISH. THE WORLD. WOULD STOP. SPINNING!”
You plop down onto the sidewalk, still grabbing your head. “You’re not helping me either.” You mumble to the ground.
Chan sits down next to you. “What does that mean?”
“It means you and your stupid cute face have been tormenting me since we were five and now I find out that we’re spending the next four years together in this tiny college town at the same university and I just. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do.” You don’t even realize you’ve said that entire sentence in one breath until you realize you’re out of air at the end.  
“You know,” Chan says quietly.  “I’ve liked you for a long time.”
You lift your head out of your hands.  Chan’s face is really close to yours.  When did it get that close? “Really?” you breathe. Your head is still spinning. Is this even real?
Chan nods.
You lean in and your lips collide.
He tastes like mint and strawberries and as soon as you get one taste of him, you can’t get enough.  Your hands go around his shoulders, up his neck, fingers carding through his soft curly hair as the kiss gets deeper. Chan’s mouth is warm, so different from that embarrassing night in middle school.  His hand comes up to cup your cheek as his teeth lightly nibble on your bottom lip.
Suddenly, you push him away.
“Are you okay?” Chan asks with concern.
You throw up on the pavement.
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The fifth time you kiss Bang Chan, you’re sweating.
Knock knock. Your heart thrums wildly against your chest as you rock back and forth on your heels, shoe box of new white and red Adidas Stan Smith sneakers, size eight and a half. Your eyes glance nervously between the unmoving door handle and the plain white paper door decoration with a weird fat snake-slash-snail looking drawing on it with “Chan” scrawled on top of it.
The door unswings, and you’re eye-to-eye with a very sleepy looking Chan, his curls haphazardly fluffed in the air – he clearly had just woken up.
As soon as he recognizes you, his eyes widen. “Y/N,” he breathes out, then coughs.  “Uh, what are you doing here?”
You duck your head and thrust the shoe box into his chest.  “I’m so sorry for what happened last night.  I didn’t mean to throw up on your shoes, I swear! Please forgive me!”
“Whoa whoa, it’s okay! I forgive you!” Chan takes the shoe box from your hands and awkward scratches his neck. “So, uh…you remember everything from last night?”
Your cheeks heat up a little, and you remember his confession: I’ve liked you for a long time.
“Can I come in?” you say instead of responding to his question.  Wordlessly, Chan steps aside to let you enter his room.  It’s a small single but about the same size as your own.  It looks like a typical college guy’s room, with dark sheets and headphones strewn across his desk.
“Wow, you even got me the right size. Is this why I saw Yugyeom digging around my shoes drawer last night when I got home?” Chan gives you a wry smile as he opens the shoe box.
“Yeah, as soon as you dropped me off I texted him to find out your shoe size,” you smiled sheepishly.  “I felt so bad!”
“You really didn’t have to do this for me though,” Chan argued, holding the shoe box out limply.  “Like really, this is too much. I’ve got to make it up to you.”
“No way,” you said, shaking your head vigorously.  “I was the one that threw up on your shoes!”
Chan splutters helplessly.  “W-well, at least let me take you out to lunch today or something.  Like a date,” he says the last part so quietly you almost miss it.
Almost. “A date?” you repeat, louder. A red flush creeps up Chan’s neck.
“Yeah, I mean…I like you,” he said.  “You remember that from last night, right?” He takes a step closer to you, and your mind goes blank.
“Y-yeah,” you stutter.  You’re positive your face is beet red too as you try to collect your thoughts in a coherent manner. “I-I mean, I…like you too. Like…since high school and we did the play. Or middle school, even.  I don’t even know…we’ve just known each other for so long that I—oh, fuck it.” You close the gap between you and grab Chan’s shirt with both of your fists, crashing your face into his. His lips are as smooth and soft as you remember, and though they’re frozen for the first half second, both you and him melt into each other a split second later, moving in sync. Chan’s arms wrap around your waist, and you want to stay like this forever, lips locked and body secure against his warm body, but of course your stomach betrays you.
A gurgle from your stomach breaks the two of you apart. Chan laughs and takes your hand, fingers lacing between yours.
“C’mon, let’s go get lunch,” he says, before leaning down and pressing a light kiss against your temple and then moving his lips closer to your ear.   
“And for the record, I’ve liked you ever since I hit you in the head with the soccer ball when we were five.”
His words make a jet of warmth surge up your body, and it feels like a promise of something hopeful.
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aliciameade ¡ 6 years ago
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Fade Into You - Ch. 1
Title: Fade Into You (Chapter 1 of 5) Author: aliciameade Rating: T Pairing: Beca/Chloe Summary: Tip for newlyweds: send a wedding invite to every billionaire whose address you can find because it's a 50/50 chance their assistants just send you a perfunctory gift without ever wondering who the hell you are. Or: Beca had a really bad terrible idea when she got tired of being broke in New York. 
Also on AO3 and FFnet, but I probably can’t link there idk.
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Beca wasn’t prepared for how expensive it was to live in New York City. Sure, she’d done her research; she knew it would be costly, but just how costly it was was wreaking havoc on her bank account. Rent, transportation, groceries, household necessities and the very rare luxuries like a concert or theater ticket here or there to keep her sanity had her living paycheck to paycheck. Even bringing two roommates with her to cram into the tiny Brooklyn studio didn’t help her live any more comfortably (considering only one of them chipped in for rent).
Of course, it probably helped her afford to eat.
Whatever. The point was that it was not quite the life she envisioned for herself once she landed what she thought was a Big Job.
But at least she had her friends.
“Why do I have so many cousins? And why are they all getting married?”
Beca watched Chloe sitting at their tiny dining table on Sunday afternoon (if you could even call it that) as she tossed aside a just-opened fancy envelope and what Beca assumed to be a wedding invitation. As far as she could remember, it was the fourth Chloe had received so far that year. “How many cousins do you have?”
“Sixteen. And I’m the baby of the family so they’re all either married or about to be. And here I am.” She gestured at nothing specific and sighed. “I can barely pay my share of the groceries. I can’t afford to go to all these weddings so I need to send something off their registry, but I can’t afford that, either.”
“Weddings feel like a ploy to get free shit from everyone you met once in your life,” Beca said as she watched Chloe stress out. “Like, congratulations on deciding to spend your life with one person. Why do I have to reward that?”
“It’s like an expectation. You either have to go to the wedding or send a gift. Or both!” Chloe slid her chair back from the table and took the two steps needed to get to their bed which she threw herself on a bit dramatically. “I’m just going to elope.”
She liked being on the same page as Chloe. “And miss out on all the free swag?” Beca said as she nudged Chloe’s foot with her own.
“I don’t want to be part of the problem!”
“Okay, okay!” Beca laughed. “So elope. Must be nice, though: send out a bunch of invitations to people you know won’t come and get a bunch of free stuff in return.”
“I know,” Chloe mumbled into her pillow. “It’s so messed up.”
A devious thought slid through Beca’s mind and she paused the music she’d been playing. “I need a new Keurig; ours is going to die any day now. I can feel it.”
Chloe turned onto her side to look up at Beca. “What does that have to do with anything?”
She closed her laptop and slid down to lie next to Chloe, eye-to-eye. “I have an idea. But before I tell you, I blame it entirely on Amy’s influence.”
“Why Amy?”
“You’ll see. Now hear me out. What if we sent out wedding invitations saying we’re getting married in, like, Fiji where no one we know can afford to go, and set up a wedding registry somewhere.”
“Beca, that’s, like, fraud. No wonder you blamed it on Amy.” Chloe frowned at her. “And no one would believe we’re getting married anyway.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re not even dating!” Chloe said with a laugh. “And you don’t even like girls!”
Oh. Right. There were those little details that the people who would make sense to invite to their wedding would know she and Chloe weren’t together. Not to mention the giant elephant in Beca’s mental room that she was actually very into girls and very, very into Chloe.
Except literally no one in her new adult life knew either of those facts about her. The bisexual thing was weird to bring up unprompted at this point, and when she started dating Jesse in college, everyone just assumed she was straight and made it even weirder to try to correct.
And the Chloe thing, well...that was all sorts of messy and complicated.
“Okay, first of all, a person can fall in love with someone who’s not their usual...type, so anyone who says shit about that can fuck right off.”
Chloe seemed a bit surprised by her declaration but waved for her to continue. “And the fact that it’s me?”
She had to stop herself from saying, “It’s everything.” Instead, she said, “We’ve basically been living together for six years. I don’t think it’s that far-fetched.”
Chloe was quiet for a moment, thinking, and then a slow smile spread across her face. “Beca Mitchell, you devious little devil. You actually think this could work.”
“Well, why wouldn’t it? If Aubrey was getting married in, like, Fiji and you couldn’t afford to go, you’d send her something off her registry, right? That’s what you just said.”
“I would never miss Aubrey’s wedding,” Chloe said earnestly. “She’s my best friend. And she wouldn’t miss mine, either.”
“Okaaaaaay,” Beca drawled. “So we don’t invite our current friends. Or immediate family. Cousins, old coworkers, and friends from high school.”
“Can I invite Mrs. Higgins, my 8th grade choir teacher? She was my favorite teacher.”
“Yeah, I mean as long as she won’t try to show up—wait. You’d actually do this?”
“You’ve had worse ideas.”
“Have I though?” Beca shook her head. “This is dumb. Forget it.” She put away her computer and rolled out of bed. “I’m going to Target if you need anything. I’m out of conditioner.”
“I don’t think I do, but I’ll come with you.”
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
When Beca came home from work late on Monday, Chloe was laying in bed, laptop propped on her thighs. She was intently focused on whatever it was she was doing and didn’t look up at Beca’s entrance.
“Hey, weirdo,” Beca said as she kicked out of her shoes and pulled her own computer out of her bag to toss it onto the bed while she changed into comfy lounging clothes. “What are you doing?”
Chloe ignored her for a few more seconds before tapping the trackpad with particularly notable resolution and sitting up. “Hey!”
“Yeah, hey,” Beca laughed. “Seriously, what are you doing? Caught up in an intense Pinterest spiral?”
Chloe shook her head. “Come here; I want to show you something.”
“Is this going to be puppies or something dirty?” Beca knelt on their bed and walked her way up until she was sitting next to Chloe. There was no telling what Chloe had up her sleeve whenever she told Beca she wanted to show her something.
“Neither. Look.” She turned her screen toward Beca.
“What am I looking at?” she asked after a few seconds. “Because that looks like a wedding invitation with our names on it.”
“That’s what it is.”
She looked at the invitation on Chloe’s screen again and then looked at her. Chloe was biting her lip and almost buzzing with excitement. “And why is that a thing that exists?”
“I made it!”
Beca rolled her eyes. “And why did you make it?”
“We need invitations if we’re going to invite people to our wedding.”
“That idea was terrible! I told you to forget it; how much time did you spend on this?” She grabbed the computer away from Chloe so she could zoom in on it. The stationery had been painted with watercolors. It was quite pretty and one Beca wouldn’t be opposed to choosing for her actual wedding.
“A couple hours. I went with a silver and sage palette. I don’t think we’re a couple who has pink in their wedding.”
“Yeah, no,” Beca said, only half-listening because her brain was pretty hung up at the moment seeing the words ‘The Wedding of Beca and Chloe’ in script. “No pink.”
“I just put Fiji because you mentioned it yesterday but we can pick something else. And a date. Oh, and we’re registered at Amazon and IKEA.”
Picking a wedding locale and date with Chloe? Sure. Cool. “Wait. You already registered us?”
“Well, no, not yet,” Chloe scoffed as if Beca’s question was absurd. “That’s what’s on the registry cards that go with the invitations. We need to make our registries together next weekend.”
“I’m not sure if I should be concerned or proud that you’re so willing to go along with my terrible idea.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Chloe said with a shrug.
Beca was pretty sure a lot of bad things could happen like someone showing up to a non-existent wedding. Then again, all they’d really have to do is apologize and explain that the wedding was called off last-minute and point out their would-be guests would now have a vacation in Fiji without wedding activities to inconvenience them.
“Several things come to mind,” she said as she returned the computer.
Chloe elbowed her. “Okay. We need this to be far enough in advance that it doesn’t feel shotgun, but not too far that everyone can rearrange their schedules for it.”
“So it’s like I forgot to send out the invitations like I said I would and you found them in a box two months after they were supposed to have gone out?”
Chloe looked at her, holding her gaze. “That sounds exactly like something you would do.”
“And we should have it on, like, a Wednesday so it’s super inconvenient. With no holidays around it that people can use to save vacation days.”
“I feel like you’re a secret evil genius,” Chloe said as she flipped through the calendar on her computer. “How about October 2?”
“Perfect.”
They then spent more than an hour Googling Fiji and wedding location options. It took so long because they kept bickering about the venues; Chloe loved one but Beca hated it. Then Beca loved one and Chloe hated it. Every fifteen minutes or so, one of them would remind the other this was all fake and it didn’t matter, and the other would argue that it still had to seem real. They’d finally settled on a resort located on the edge of a rainforest that had more than enough amenities for a destination wedding.
“Well?” Chloe asked when she finished entering the details on the invitation. “Good?”
Beca stared at the screen and what they’d created inviting recipients to their wedding. It made her a little queasy so she swallowed hard. “Perfect.”
They ordered a set of one hundred invitations, response cards, registry cards, and envelopes for it all and agreed to split the expense equally.
“Did we seriously just do that?” Beca asked as she put away her credit card. “That shit is nonrefundable. We just burned five hundred dollars.”
“Think of it as a down payment on my new dinette set.”
“Your new dinette? Pretty sure that’s going to be ours, babe.”
Chloe cocked an eyebrow at her. “Babe?”
Beca blushed. “Wedding fever. Shut up.”
“You’re adorable,” Chloe said with a laugh as she grabbed Beca by the chin to give her a shake. “Careful, or I might marry you for real.”
She blushed even harder, her heart getting lodged in her throat. “Yeah, right, dude.”
“We’ll see,” Chloe said with a wink before hopping off the bed to leave Beca behind, heart still pounding. “It’s my turn to make dinner. What do you want?”
~~~
~~~
“How many names do you have so far?” Chloe asked from her lounging spot lying backward on their bed, feet rocking back and forth next to Beca.
Beca looked at the spreadsheet on her computer; she hated spreadsheets. Loathed them. But Chloe created one for their wedding invitation list so she could have Staples print the addresses on the envelopes once they arrived. Had they planned ahead like actual would-be brides, they’d have had the list ready to import when they ordered the invitations to let the printer do that. But alas. “Thirty-six. It’s hard to figure out who makes sense to invite to my wedding but wouldn’t actually come.”
“If you can get to forty, I can make up the difference.”
“I should invite the CEO of BFD; it’s not like he’d ever come. I’ve never even met him. He’d probably pick one of the expensive gifts, too.”
Chloe sat up quickly and Beca tried not to think about how strong her abs must be to do that. “Beca.”
“What?”
“You’re a genius.” She sat forward so suddenly Beca had a fleeting [stupid] thought that Chloe was about to kiss her but all she did was turn around to sit next to her and look at the list on Beca’s screen. “But don’t add him; I don’t want to put your career at risk. Put your douche boss from Residual Heat instead; there’s no way he’d come.”
“O...kay,” Beca said as she typed his name. She’d have to look up her old studio’s mailing address later. “But why am I a genius?”
“We can invite a handful of CEOs and tech bigwigs who won’t know whether or not we work for them. We send it to their office and their assistant will just buy something off our registry without bothering to look us up.”
“Should I be concerned that your mind is this twisted?” Beca asked as Chloe commandeered her laptop to open Google and start searching.
“Did you forget this was your idea to begin with?”
She watched Chloe pull up the address for the headquarters of Apple. “A little ambitious, don’t you think?”
“Are you kidding? The bigger the company the bigger the chance we get a ‘declines with regret’ and you get that Ableton Push you think I didn’t see you add to our Amazon registry.”
Beca grumbled under her breath to hide her guilt. She’d gotten a little click-happy the other night after a couple beers and added a few non-traditional items to their list like high-end mixing equipment and the new Xbox.
“I’m just going to pick ten companies from the Forbes 500. Let’s see what happens. And now you don’t have to come up with the rest of your list!”
“Sounds great,” she said with a tight-lipped smile.
Something in her gut was telling her they were taking this much too far. But that new Ableton was so, so pretty…
~~~
~~~
“Becs, honey,” Chloe said when Beca opened the door to head to work.
Beca turned, patting herself down to make sure she had her keys and phone. “What’s up?”
“Don’t forget to mail the invitations.” She smiled at Beca and pointed at the shoe box on the table containing their pretty little scams. Amy had stuffed the envelopes for them last night and was naturally agreeable to their little business venture. They’d obliged her request to add an absurd inflatable bounce house to their list as payment for her help as long as she promised to never try to set it up in the apartment.
Beca was pretty sure Amy had her fingers crossed behind her back when she agreed.
She picked it up and rapped her fingernails on it. “Are you sure we should do this? I feel kind of guilty.”
“We got our list down to eighty-nine people we barely know—or don’t know at all. It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry.”
“Yeah, okay,” Beca said with a nod, though being told not to worry didn’t magically erase her concerns. “You’re right. I’ll see you after work. It’s my turn to cook, so text me what you want and I’ll pick it up on my way home.”
“I’m totes going to be the one who actually cooks in this marriage, aren’t I?”
“Trust me; it’s for the best. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, sweetie!”
~~~
~~~
Beca dropped the stack of thick, fancy envelopes into the outgoing mail drop on the corner by her subway stop on her way to work, and that was it.
The deed was done.
~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~
Three days later...
When Beca came home from work she found Chloe at the table but she wasn’t sipping her usual tea and wearing a smile at Beca’s return.
Instead, she was visibly nervous, her arms crossed and eyes fixed on her untouched tea.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Beca asked and moved to sit across from her. “Are you okay?”
“Promise you won’t get mad?” Chloe said in a small voice, eyes refusing to meet Beca’s.
“It’s hard to promise that when I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’ll try. What’s going on?”
Chloe closed her eyes and sighed. “My parents got one of our invitations.”
“What?!” Beca almost launched from her chair; she gripped the edge of the table to stay put and she saw Chloe flinch at her outburst. She tried to lower voice when she demanded, “How?”
“I checked the spreadsheet because I know I didn’t put them on it.” She sounded on the verge of tears. “But it looks like it got corrupted, like it combined with my Christmas card list.”
Beca’s blood ran cold. “My dad’s on your Christmas card list, too.” She’d barely finished the sentence when her phone started ringing in her pocket. She could hear Chloe’s text alerts almost non-stop from where her phone sat on her bedside table. “Who else ended up on the list?”
Chloe closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Beca pulled her phone from her pocket; she already knew. She didn’t even bother looking at the screen as she swiped the screen to answer it. “Hey, Dad.”
“You and Chloe are getting married?!” he crowed into the phone. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Oh, Beca I’m so happy for you both; you’re perfect together!”
“We’re not—wait.” She straightened. “Huh?”
“I knew it was only a matter of time.”
She looked at Chloe across the table who was oblivious to what her father was saying. She seemed to assume it to be terrible the way she was hiding half her face behind her hand. She looked miserable.
“Yeah…” Beca replied. She felt bad; this was all her doing and now Chloe’s going to be humiliated having to tell everyone in her life that she tried to do something dumb. Or that her fake relationship failed. And all her cousins were getting married… “We’re...really happy.”
Chloe’s hand fell and her eyes went wide. “What are you doing?” she whispered.
“And I’m so happy for you. The date is going to be tough for me to get away in the middle of the semester, but there’s no way I’m going to miss my little girl’s big day. Is there a block of rooms reserved for guests? Should I just give your name when I call?”
“Um, no. Sorry. We...we splurged on the trip so we couldn’t lock down rooms for everyone.”
“Don’t you worry; I’ll take care of the rooms. It’s the least I can do. I’ll call the resort and give them my information.” It was Beca’s turn to cover her eyes. “Thanks, Dad. That’s so generous.”
“Anything for you and my soon-to-be daughter-in-law.”
“Thanks. Listen, I just got home and Chloe and I have a lot to talk about. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Sure, pumpkin.”
Beca ended the call and set down her phone with a long exhale. “Shit.”
“What happened?” Chloe asked sounding as sheepish as she did excited.
“He’s...going to pay for everyone’s rooms at the resort for our wedding.”
Chloe blinked hard and sat back. “What?”
“He thinks we’re perfect together. And he wasn’t surprised at all. Well, he was surprised by the wedding. Not about us being together.” Which we’re not. “What did your parents say?”
Chloe cleared her throat. “They offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner and the reception.”
“What?” Beca said with a barked laugh.
“They’re over the moon for us. Asked what took us so long.” She looked like she wanted to disappear into her chair, which was a unique state for Chloe to be in.
“But you didn’t tell them it’s fake.”
“Did you tell your dad it’s fake?” Chloe countered. “No, you didn’t. You just went along with it.”
Beca sank into her chair, too. “And now our parents are ecstatic we’re getting married.” There was a lot to unpack with that fact and all that came with it. Chloe’s texts were still chiming and a minute later, Beca’s started up, too. “Seriously, who else got invited?”
With a sigh, Chloe slid a piece of paper across the table. Printed on it was a spreadsheet set up just like what they’d made to send to Staples, except it was a mish-mash of their distant cousins, millionaire executives, and people they actually knew. Their parents. The owner of the vet clinic Chloe was interning at.
Aubrey, Emily, and the rest of the Bellas.
“Oh, my God, how did this happen?” Beca said with a groan as she crumpled the paper and tossed it toward the trash can. (She missed.)
“I told you: I don’t know! All I can think is that my files were named List1 and List2 and somehow they got combined or maybe I didn’t delete everything from one of them before I saved it.” She reached across the table and grabbed Beca’s hands. “Beca, I’m so, so sorry. I’ll take care of everything. I’ll let everyone know it was just a prank gone wrong.”
Beca was about to agree when she remembered how excited her father sounded. “Your parents were really happy?”
Chloe managed a sad laugh; she still looked on the verge of tears and Beca couldn’t blame her. She felt like she might cry herself. “My mom said she was starting to get worried you were never going to propose.”
“Oh, my God,” Beca said, blushing hard. “She didn’t even know that we were dating. Or, that we weren’t dating. Whatever. What did you say?”
“I told her I asked you.”
“You proposed to me?!” Beca scoffed. “As if you would! I would totally ask you to marry me before you even had a chance!”
Chloe blinked at her, her worry and sadness starting to fade into a soft smile. “You would?”
Beca realized what she’d said and shook her head. “Nevermind. I should have looked at the envelopes before I dropped them off.”
“You didn’t have a reason to. This isn’t your fault.”
“Except that it was all my idea?” Beca said with a crooked smile. “You’d think Amy would have realized they were wrong when she was stuffing them. She knew the plan.”
Chloe sighed and let go of Beca’s hands to run her own through her hair. “Something tells me she knew they got messed up.”
“Why would you think that?”
Chloe shot her a look.
“Because it’s Amy. Right.” She sighed, too. “I need a drink.” Beca stood up and headed for the fridge, the top of which held their liquor collection. “What do you want?”
“Whiskey, neat,” Chloe answered as she pushed aside her tea.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
~~~
~~~
They waited until they were both two whiskeys in before they agreed to get on Skype with Aubrey.
“This is how you tell me you two are a thing?” Aubrey said as she waved the invitation in front of her camera. “A little warning would have been nice.”
“It all happened so fast, Bree,” Chloe said. “I guess living together in such close quarters...well, it brought some things to light.”
It was so convincing that Beca almost believed her. Except she didn’t know why they were lying to Aubrey. Not wanting to immediately disappoint their excited parents was one thing, but going along with it with Aubrey… She nudged Chloe from her spot next to her where they sat closely in bed so they could both be mostly in frame and threw her a look she hoped read, What the hell are you doing?
Chloe just winked at her and slipped her arm behind her to wrap around her waist and pull her closer.
“Well, as disappointed as I am that you didn’t think to tell me, I’m thrilled for you both.”
“You are?” Beca scoffed.
“Why wouldn’t I be? You two are good for each other. And I know you’ll take care of my best friend.”
Beca had to fight hard to not blush. “Yeah. Well...that’s the plan.”
“So, Fiji? I’ve always wanted to go! Do you have a wedding planner? And Chloe, I can’t believe you haven’t asked me to be your Maid of Honor yet! We made a pact!”
Chloe cleared her throat. “Right! I was getting to that! I’d love it if you’d be my Maid of Honor.”
“What are you doing?” Beca muttered from the side of her mouth.
“Asking my bestie to be in our wedding,” Chloe muttered in return.
“I’d be honored!” Aubrey said with a bright grin. “Now you have to let me take over the planning. You can’t do this all by yourselves. Put me in touch with your contact at the resort and I’ll take it over. What have you arranged so far?”
“Well, we could barely get the invitations out without trouble…” Chloe started and Beca elbowed her. “So we haven’t really had a chance to get going yet. We haven’t even put down the deposit to reserve the space yet—”
“Don’t say another word,” Aubrey said with her hand up. “I’m going to take care of that as my gift to you both.”
“Thanks, Bree. That means so much.” Chloe grasped Beca’s hand and pulled it up to kiss it.
Beca just stared at her in shock.
“Right, Becs?”
“Uh, yeah. Right. Thanks, Aubrey,” Beca offered. “We gotta go, though,” she added, desperate to end the torture.
“Okay. Remember to send me that info and I’ll send you the confirmations once I get it taken care of this week.”
“Totes. I’ll text you later.”
“Perfect. Have a good night, you two!”
“Bye!” Chloe chirped and Beca offered a weak wave as Chloe disconnected the call.
“Oh, my God, Chloe, we can’t keep this up!” she said as soon as the screen was blank. “What are we doing?!”
“Everyone’s so excited for us; I don’t want to disappoint them.” Chloe turned a little to look at her and she was so close Beca could see the different specks of light and dark in Chloe’s eyes. “We’ll tell them soon.”
“Aubrey’s going to spend money on this. We can’t let her do that.”
“I’ll wait a few days to send her the info and then we’ll just tell it’s off.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
~~~
~~~
Not two hours had passed when both their phones chimed with a group text from Aubrey to the two of them. Chloe was taking a bath when it came in so Beca opened it and read it aloud so she could hear it.
“Was too excited! Looked up the resort info and got it booked. Oh, my God. They said they didn’t have any record of your interest—gee, I wonder why—and the day was already booked for some corporate retreat but I got them to move it for the wedding. Of course she did. Good thing you let me take care of it! You might not have had a venue. Damn it, Chloe!”
“Well, it’s not my fault!”
“Then whose fault is it?!”
Nothing but silence followed from behind the shower curtain.
(Chapter 2)
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pixelzfairy ¡ 5 years ago
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Vector vs Raster - What Is The Basic Difference and Which One Choose for Your Artwork
If you are a photographer or designer, you probably know what you are dealing with. For the others who are just starting, it can be a little bit overwhelming – raster, vector, bitmap, pixel. I’m expecting that everybody knows .jpeg, .jpg, but what about .svg? What is the difference between .png and .jpeg? Well, if don’t know about .jpeg, probably you have never downloaded a wallpaper then but do not worry, everyone has to start somewhere, someday!
What is actually the difference between vector and raster?
Which formats are used for each of them?
For which projects I should use vector or raster?
For a digital artist, it is very important to understand the difference between vector and pixel art. Each of them has special software and needs, each of them is used for different purpose. Also, every single file format is giving you different options. Today we will look at the basics of these to get a better understanding.
Raster (bitmap, pixel)
Raster images are often called bitmaps. They consist of millions of tiny little squares which we call pixels. Pixel stands for “picture element”. It’s the smallest physical element of a digital display device. It’s pretty easy to recognize it by yourself. Try to open any photo you have and zoom in. Closer you look, more blurry the image becomes and in the end you will be able to see the little pixels. Bitmaps are created with pixel-based programs, captured with a camera or scanner. Usually, almost every drawing/painting app is raster oriented. Creating such artwork is pretty similar to traditional painting or drawing. You have many brushes to choose from, you can blend colors easily to soften the transition, you can apply many filters, gradients, undefined lines and shapes, and complex composition.
Raster format is resolution specific – that means that the photo you just took is displayed in one specific resolution. If you will try to resize the picture, bigger without changing the number of pixels, it will get blurry and not nice to look at anymore. Scaling down its not such a big problem, but the smaller version could be less crisp or softer than the original. There is a possibility to change the number of pixels but the pixels will be added randomly, rarely producing a good outcome.
We have two main names using raster images. PPI and DPI. They are both describing the resolution or clarity of an image, but they are not the same thing.
PPI (pixel per inch) means how many pixels will fit into one inch. A 72 PPI image will have 72 pixels per inch. PPI describes the number of pixels for the digital screen. PPI can be modified with photo/painting editing software.
DPI (dots per inch) means how many dots per inch my printer will print on the paper. Printers are not printing little squares. So how do they do it with raster images? They reproduce the image by spitting out tiny dots consisting of a mix of colors – Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, and Key (black) per the pixel of your image. DPI is set by the printer itself and cannot be manipulated.
That’s why we as digital artists can work with two different color schemes CMYK and RGB. Today we are not going so deep into this, so just put it simply – CMYK is for printing method, RGB is for electronic displays – monitors, phones, tablets etc.
Almost all the pictures you will find on the websites are raster images (even though they could be vector images before). Photographs and pictures in books or magazines are usually also pixel images, but these images are saved with very high resolution what is making them very big files in the end.
Formats of raster images
.jpg, .jpeg, .gif, .png, .tiff or .tif, .psd (Photoshop)
Popular programs used with raster images
Adobe Photoshop, Procreate, Affinity Designer (pixel persona), AutoDesk, Corel and many others
In which hobbies or jobs I can use pixel graphic
Photography, digital painting
Vector
Total opposite from pixel images, vector images are created with a mathematical formula that’s defining lines, curves and primitive shapes like polygons, circles, and rectangles known as paths. Vector graphics have to be created in software that is designed to create lines includes node position, locations, lengths, and curves. Because vector graphics are composed of geometrical primitives, it is very best to use it for more structured images like logos, line art, illustrations with flat, uniform colors, letterheads, and fonts.
Vector images are more flexible and versatile. You can scale them down, up easily and perfectly. They have also no resolution restriction and therefore they are not depended on the output device. And because vector images don’t have to handle millions of tiny pixels, these files are usually smaller than their raster sibling. You can easily recognize vector by looking at the edges, doesn’t matter how much you scale, they will always stay crystal clear and smooth.
One of the biggest disadvantages is the compatibility. They are often saved as native files from the programs they have been created in. Like Adobe Illustrator and their native .ai file. If I will use Affinity Designer to open .ai file, good, I will succeed. But if I will save a file with Affinity, I will not be able to open it with Illustrator. Another disadvantage is the limitation of effects. Vector will be never as a natural painting. It is just not possible. The best to print vector is PDF or EPS, which are producing the sharpest result.
THEREFORE MANY ARTISTS ARE COMBINING THESE TWO TOGETHER AS WELL.
Formats of vector images
.ai, .ait, .art, .svg, .pdf, .eps and many more
Popular programs used with vector vector graphics
Adobe Illustrator, Affinity Designer, Corel Draw, Sketch, Inkscape etc.,
In which hobbies or jobs I can use pixel graphic
Graphic designer, illustrator, printing publications design and others
Conclusion vector vs raster
It all depends on your project. Vectors are best for logos and illustrations. Raster images are classic for digital photography and are very often used for all graphic once they have been published digitally. If you want to repaint Mona Lisa on your iPad, you will not use vector unless you would like to look it as Picasso style Mona Lisa.
Raster images should be used if you require high lever detail (photos) and you don’t care much about by enlarging the image by a great amount. On the other hand vector you will use on images what requires tiny details and might be resized in the future.
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oliversmartphonenerd-blog ¡ 5 years ago
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The eternal iOS vs Android debate
So, hello everyone. Since this is my first entry as a tumblr user, maybe not too many people will read this but that won’t keep me to tell you a little story of my personal experience with smartphones and what I think is the better platform of the two mentioned in the title. My very first smartphone (let’s only start counting from the time when smartphones actually WERE smart, with easily downloadable apps and whatnot) was an iPhone 4. Got it off contract and a plan separately to keep monthly rates as low as possible. I stayed with Apple for several years, even built the entire infrastructure around my iPhone with a Mac, an iPad, an Apple TV and even an AirPort Extreme. Then came the time when I got bored with my phone and mostly its tiny screen. Actually I just got the iPhone 5S right after release and I loved Touch ID, the color (got the golden version) etc. But many friends of mine had Android phones that were oftentimes significantly larger. So in order to get a much larger phone I switched to Android and stayed there. From Kitkat all the way to Android Pie, from Samsung over Motorola to Huawei, I got quite a few models and I was very happy with most (except for the Moto X Style which has a different name in the US, that was a piece of junk!). My last Android phone which I’ve only had for about four months now was the Huawei P30 Pro. Amazingly versatile camera, brilliant low light performance, beautiful colors (on the back of the device I mean), humongous battery life and all, I love it. But I decided to switch back to Apple now. I picked the often criticized iPhone Xr for numerous reasons: It’s cheaper than the regular model, it got a better battery life and it comes in cool colors. Of course, coming from a phone of almost 6.5″, 8 GB of RAM, a quadruple camera and a battery of over 4000 milliamps I thought I might regret the potential downgrade. You know what? So far I can’t say that I do. The yellow (in which I got the iPhone) is beautiful, the screen is nowhere near as bad as people say (even though understandably it could still have a higher resolution at this price point). In fact it’s even quite good. The camera isn’t good for zoom like the 5x optical of the P30 Pro, also not very good for macro or night shots. But the HDR is way nicer and portrait works almost as good. Something else I’ve always loved about Apple was the attention to detail. The effects implemented in iMessage, Animoji with the cool MeMoji that you can make of yourself, all that is so very well done. Especially the face tracking of the latter works so well it puts everything else (sorry Samsung with your creepy avatars) in the shadow.
Now, since this is supposed to be a differenciated evaluation rather than an iPhone Xr review I’d like to get back to the differences. See, both Android and iOS come with their very own qualities and faults. What’s better for you simply depends on what you need and what you want. You want great ways to personalize your phone in both the way it works and looks? Android is for you. You want as much variety as possible when you want to get a new phone? Android has tons of phones it’s running on, from cheap to very pricey.  Since there are so many different companies, they all try to make their flagships unique. So you can expect all of them to have specifications that you won’t find in most other handsets. Of course with iOS, you’re stuck with Apple’s iPhones. Do you appreciate consistency throughout the entire UI and across all apps? Sounds like you might appreciate iOS (believe me, when every other app seems to have their own set of emoji, it looks very much like patchwork on Android). Both software and hardware are made from the same company so it’s exceptionally well balanced. For a phone that doesn’t have anywhere near as much RAM as some flagship android devices, it’s still pretty damn fast. Even the Xr is quite snappy. The UI is not very flexible but that might also help making it very simple and easy to understand. The flat design is very well executed, especially with the silky glass effects in different menus etc. But I also love Google’s material design to death. It’s really hard to say if I have a clear favorite here.
When it comes to the gimmicks and playful features or animations, as I’ve mentiones that hardly compares to anything else on the market. 
One thing one has to keep in mind as well is the support of third party developers. Of course it’s self-explanatory that if you develop a mobile game, you’re more prone to start with iOS as your platform. You don’t have to pay attention to too many different configurations of chipsets and other hardware such as different screen resolutions and aspect ratios. So it’s less work for you to focus on iOS with just the iPhone and maybe the iPad. That was also one of the reasons I wanted to switch back to iOS. I’m highly anticipating the game Oceanhorn 2, which will come out as an iOS exclusive in the beginning. You will notice that with several apps.
Yet another reason was that I’m planning to get an Apple Watch. In comparison, I can’t say I dislike Android Wear but you can tell it’s struggling. Google seems to be not too interested in it. The watch I had kept disconnecting which was a big pain in the butt. It was oftentimes just annoying that I had to get into the Wear App on the phone, restart the watch and reconnect the whole thing. When I tried the Apple Watches of friends of mine, I found the user experience to be of a higher quality.
But lastly, the only real but CLEAR advantage of iOS over Android is the iPad. I mean, even though there might be high quality Android tablets on the market (and still coming up). But they will always have that one particular and crucial flaw: The app support. Apple takes great pride in the quality of their iPad apps on the App Store. They make sure that developers utilize the best APIs for the platform. Android tablet apps are usually inferior as they are only inflated Android phone apps that poorly make use of the screen’s larger real estate. So yeah, my conclusion is that as far as I can tell, wether iOS or Android is better merely depends on your needs and personal taste. With the exception of the iPad which is in my opinion the clear winner over any Android tablet on the market (since even Google refrained from making their own tablets because they realized their position). I’d like to know your point of view on this subject. So feel free to leave comments. Best regards, Oliver
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mothisms ¡ 6 years ago
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Moth’s crash course for excellent character reference pictures
Or: how to get the artist you commission to absolutely LOVE you
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morning/afternoon/evening, friends! Moth here with my baby boy Q’rinha (or Rin, as i like to call him) here with some tips and tricks on how to get some baller reference shots of your character that will make your, and the artists’ you’re commissioning, lives A LOT easier.
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one thing i noticed from all the times i’ve been commissioned, as well as some instances of buddies of mine being commissioned, is that the occasional person commissioning us tends to be a bit... lacking when it comes to reference shots. they’re either too low-res or they just show multiple shots of the same angle. the latter isn’t bad, per se, but there tends to be instances where, while there ARE awesome shots of one angle, there are other angles that are unfortunately not as great. asking for more references is normally not an issue, but there are some people (like yours truly ahaha ;;) who are a bit apprehensive of asking for more because we don’t like confrontation and have had experiences where folks were a bit... abrasive.
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so that’s why i’m here! i’ve provided many a reference for my girlfriend, who says i’m an artist’s dream come true when it comes to references (idk if she’s actually just gushing with rose colored glasses or if she’s being legitimate). i have no idea how this applies to other artists, as i’ve.. never really commissioned them, but as an artist myself, i know i absolutely need as many references as possible to get every single nitty-gritty detail on these disasters SE likes to call “fashion”. so here we go: Moth’s tips and tricks on how to get amazing reference shots using our good friend: Group Pose!
DISCLAIMER: this is not a proper “how-to”, but more a collection of tips and tricks that i have found helped me as well as other artists get the most out of the fine details in SE’s outfits. feel free to utilize as many or little of these tips as possible.
also, there are A LOT of pictures. folks with slower internet connections, you’ve been warned.
The Basics
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if i had to work with an absolute minimum for reference pictures, i would probably work best with eight screenshots minimum.
wait... only eight?!
yes, eight, but bear with me! Group Pose/GPose (or Final Instagram, as i like to affectionately call it) comes with an amazing variety of tools that can help get just the right angles needed at the best resolution possible!
consider the fact that the average monitor resolution these days is 1920x1080, and depending on whether you play the game in Windowed (like me), Borderless Windowed, or Fullscreen, the resolution of your screenshots could end up a little less than that. now granted, when you first boot up GPose and try to get as close to your character as possible, you end up with something along the lines of this (with a bonus photobomb by MAPEL the mammet):
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that’s... okay, but it doesn’t help me as an artist see all of the tiny details that’s on the outfit. The seams are hard to see, and the details on the buttons and clasps are pretty much nothing but little blurs. it makes the artist play a guessing game we really don’t want to play. this is when you start utilizing our good friend, the Camera Position section.
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the camera position has two meters: Zoom (top) and Rotation (bottom). i personally adore the Rotation meter and abuse it to bits when it comes to coming up with dynamic screenshots, but it’s also a good friend when it comes to references! see, if you set the rotation to either 50 or 150, the character becomes virtually horizontal. and then if you put the zoom at max and make a few careful adjustments...
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that looks much better!! all the seams are visible to the naked eye, and the details on the clasps and buttons are more visible. if you go into your FFXIV screenshots folder and rotate the picture left (if you did 50) or right (if you did 150), you basically now have a reference picture that’s almost 2000 pixels high! WILD!!
so back to why i could work with eight screenshots minimum: following this technique, if you take screenshots in both the cardinal and intermediate directions, you end up with eight screenshots of a complete turnaround of your character in hi-res! it lets the artist see the finite details of an outfit in multiple angles without sacrificing a different angle that’s hard to see.
so now that we have that out the way, let’s move onto...
The Background
“wait... why would the background matter in reference pictures?”
oh, it matters. when it comes to reference pictures, the focus must be on the character. having a background that’s too busy could cause eye strain, and it could also cause confusion when the artist is trying to make out finer details.
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here’s an example of a busy background. hurts to look at, right? with all of the trees and the colors in the background, it makes it hard to focus on the character when trying to make out details -- imagine trying to stare at this for several hours on end. it’d make me want to close SAI almost immediately.
as a suggestion for a background, i would suggest areas with a lot of neutral, duller colors. try to choose an area that has colors that are not prevalent on your character’s attire, as well. this will make your character the primary focus of the picture while also keeping eye strain to a minimum, which is good for the artist as they’re already working on something that causes a lot of eye strain.
some open-world areas i’ve found are ideal for getting reference pictures are:
The Goblet
Coerthas (Central and Western Highlands)
Ishgard
The Churning Mists
the rocky areas of The Fringes
The Lochs (anywhere outside of the Ala Mhigan Quarter)
The Ruby Sea
Azim Steppe
granted, this is not a complete list, nor is it an absolute must to follow. there are loads of places in the other maps that are full of areas ideal for reference screenshots, and a bit of finagling can make even the most detailed backgrounds easier to look at. consider this as a starter kit for when you do decide to take pictures, but don’t know where.
bonus: if you have a room in a FC house that’s not as busy, those work as well. in fact, a completely empty room is the absolute best and can work to your advantage!
The Lighting
A GPoser’s worst nightmare is working with lighting, and that’s also an issue with artists as well. thankfully, SE recently released an option that will let you freeze the time and weather, but that only goes so far. oftentimes, there will be a shadow that will obscure a detail an artist needs, and we’re found to be putting in extra work just to make sure we get it right.
hence i would suggest working with lighting that’s as neutral as possible. ironically, cloudy or foggy days are what i find works best, as the lighting is neither warm nor cool, and you don’t have to worry about the glare of the sun causing unnecessary shadows.
“okay, i think i’m set and ready to... wait. it’s night time! SHIT!!”
never fear! that’s why we have the Lighting Settings in GPose!
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not a lot of people have completely mastered how this section works-- hell, i’m one of those people. however, utilizing all three of these lights can work in our favor! see, if you have your camera set at a specific angle and turn on a light, the light will be pinpointed at the area the camera was in. with this knowledge in mind, we can set the lights at three key locations that will get the maximum amount of lighting with the minimum amount of shadows.
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these are about accurate for the angles/distances i put the lights on and the settings i have ‘em on. the default settings are usually too yellow for my tastes, i find, so i usually bump the blue up a notch so that it cancels out the yellow and looks more neutral. with everything like this, it gives me a clear view of everything on an outfit without any intense glare or dark shadows.
this can also work during the day since lighting is usually strong on one side; just turn a light on the shadowed side and boom!
Go the Extra Malm
say you want to go from being an artist’s friend to an artist’s BEST friend. while the eight angles are a good starting point, and even with all the tips utilized here, there will still be details that are obscured by clothes or limbs. while the above tips are good for a basic commission, these will be ESPECIALLY useful if you’re looking for more dynamic artwork.
Getting the Nitty-Gritties.
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say your outfit has a lot of pouches or details on their waist, like what you see above. and you can’t see those details because of the limbs being in the way. if that’s the case, you should consider having your character do a pose that has their arms in the air, and freezing the position in GPose. for example, here i have my miqo’te boy doing the /cheer emote. emotes that work for this on most races are:
/cheer
/rally
/hug (or /embrace)
/deny
/stretch
/facepalm
/huh
/congratulate
these are emotes that have most, if not all, races and genders with their hands in the air. this gives you opportunity to take some excellent screenshots with the limbs not in the way.
The Proper State of Undress
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say you want a commission of your character partially undressed, or you’re so into providing the most detail possible that you want to get shots of your characters clothes underneath that dope AF coat. in that case, don’t skimp out! try to take reference pictures of the clothes underneath as well. for example, say i have references of my other baby boy Yoseff wearing the Red Mage AF gear; but i know that outfit is chock full of detail, even in the trousers. in that case, i either remove the top completely or have him wear a top that’s as inconspicuous as possible in order for me to get the most detail possible when taking screenshots.
What About Weapons?
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say you want a picture of your character doing an AWESOME picture of them in combat with their favorite weapon. usually for flat weapons like swords and axes, one or two screenshots of a full view of a weapon is usually enough. finagle with the angling enough so that every last bit of the weapon takes up the screenshot, and you’re golden. however, if the weapon comes with additions (such as the guard on the Murgleis), then additional screenshots will be needed in order to get clear views of those details as well. just like above, don’t skimp out! also, try to take pictures of the weapon unsheathed!
for swords and axes, the following will work:
a full view of the weapon
the blade of the weapon
the grip/shaft of the weapon
the pommel (if it’s not immediately view-able on the shaft)
for bows, the following works:
a full view of the bow
the top half of the bow
the bottom half of the bow (if the top half is not symmetrical)
the quiver on the back
for staffs and anything else, take pictures of the following:
a full view of the weapon
four screenshots (front, back, both flanks) of the top/area with the most details
the shaft (if applicable)
full view of any additional details the weapons come with (MCH’s aetherotransformer or the RDM’s floating focus, for example)
a full view is ALWAYS recommended as it gives artists an idea of how the weapon’s size compares to the model.
Don’t Forget That Well-Trimmed Hair
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one thing that i also like to do but is wholly optional is provide an additional eight screenshots of the head. there are usually smaller details that are missed from the full-view that can only be seen more up close, such as freckles and jewelry. i like to do a complete 360 of the head for a good view of how the hair falls, but for the absolute minimum, about four or five shots of a turnaround of the head will do.
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if your character wears hats, take pictures of the hat on and off! not only do hats mess with the hair, but the additional screenshots will give the artist a clear view of the character’s face. this is especially useful if the hat your character is wearing obscures any part of the face, which could result in potentially missed details.
of course, this is only necessary if your character doesn’t intentionally hide their face. additional screenshots of your character’s bare face isn’t needed if they intentionally obscure their face with a mask or helmet.
...And that’s about it!
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i hope this guide helped you all out with figuring out what is needed for some amazing references! as i stated in the disclaimer, none of this is intended to be an iron-clad rule. rather, these are meant to be suggestions to help make your life and your artist’s life a lot easier. these have helped me, they’ve helped my artist friends, and i am sure they will help you.
if you have any questions, or if there’s anything you think i missed, don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask! my ask box is always open.
happy snapping!
~Moth
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