#i know it gets used in a misgendering way sometimes but guess what? calling nb people transmasc when they're NOT

[buildarocketboys]

Dear transmascs,

I love y'all, I appreciate your posts and find solidarity in your struggles. But please, PLEASE could you acknowledge that some (many) trans people who don't identify as transmasc share in the same struggles? Please could you acknowledge non-transmasc (afab) non-binary/genderqueer people in your posts that also affect them once in a while? Could you please NOT co-opt the death of a NON-BINARY trans person to talk about how transmascs are oppressed for being transmasculine? Like, yes, there are overlaps between transandrophobia and enbyphobia (and transmisogyny) and these are important to talk about but please realise that you can do this WITHOUT erasing non-binary people who do not identify as transmasc.

Idk maybe this seems like a non-issue to a lot of people but it's honestly deeply fucking upsetting to me, as an (afab) genderqueer person. I'm not saying you have to make all posts about transmasc people about non-binary people as well but please just. When something is ABOUT a non-binary person and that person doesn't explicitly identify as transmasc, please, please don't erase their identity and make it ONLY about the experience of being transmasc??

I'm so fucking tired.

Signed,

A genderqueer person

(btw if you come on this post being shitty about transmascs or talking about how transandrophobia isn't real or whatever, you're getting an instant block. This ain't about that, transandrophobia is real but so is enbyphobia/exorsexism.)

[maxellminidisc]

Lately when I look at pictures of myself from the last couple of years I legit feel like that is not me. Like there is a disconnect there now that is so baffling sometimes. I look at that person and I go "Ok she's pretty but that's not me right?" Like I think about how feminine I used to be and like I use to do it for no discernible reason other than "this is what is expected of me and I dont wanna deal with hearing shit if I dont". Which is also wild because weirdly being feminine made me take care of myself in a way that made it feel like an obligation where as now I have the hardest time doing so because I have just lost touch with any reason to because of my depression and my weird dysphoria I guess youd call it?

Like my dream is to just exist in this body without having to transition (which I don't want to most of the time because its a process I think would complicate my life a lot further due to personal reasons) and without having to apply myself to these ideas of what is "passing" or even an indicator that I'm making an "effort" to be masculine so people can respect that I am a bigender masc. Like I just want to be loved while having that respected and be in a relationship that does it's best to foster my identity as a bigender man. I feel like lately I'm just so unhappy in my body not because I actually dislike it (I'm actually pretty happy with my body and my face without makeup) but because I know that even within my community, people expect a certain like look to be nb/trans. I constantly get misgendered by other nb people because I dont look masc enough for them or like your typical skinny white nb and sometimes people say pretty like gender essentialist shit about men to me thinking I'll be ok with it because I'm ok with she/her pronouns.

Idk I'm just very tired and part of me really misses being romantically loved but part of me is so scared of it because of all this too. Like how am I supposed to be comfortable in a relationship where partnership and communication is important but I cant even sort this shit out for myself yah know?

[thisiswhymomworries]

How did you figure out you're a man? Gender is confusing

gender is very confusing, and I just dogpaddled in this great big Confusion Ocean toward anything that made me happy

I started out by realizing that even though wearing makeup and dresses and heels made me look very pretty and that validation made me happy, I was only happy about other people responding positively. it didn’t make me happy on its own, and was actually a huge pain to do every day

so I went more “butch” and eventually started buying clothes out of the boy’s section, and that DID make me happy. to the point that I started only wearing those and stopped wearing makeup entirely

then being called she, her, anything about being a woman, started to feel really wrong and aggravating, even though I’d spent years IDing as non-binary (knowing I am Not a woman is one of the few solid facts I’ve known about myself for sure, but I went to the non-binary label before trans male) and not caring or feeling bad / dysphoric about it

idk why that changed. maybe because I just started being more open with myself about what I really wanted, and I’d also sort of “proven” to myself that I *could be* beautiful and attractive as a femme-presenting person, which was important bc my entire childhood was about how ugly and weird I was, so I guess I just needed to reverse that in my mind before I could move forward with anything else

but then once I had learned how to dress fashionably and apply makeup well and “look pretty,” my brain was like “OK we accomplished that Fuck You so we’re totally done with that now” and suddenly it just wasn’t fun anymore  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then I went through months of reacting very badly inside my own head every time someone misgendered me as female (before, thinking I was non-binary, I personally was just sort of resigned to the fact that no one would ever realize I was nb without me telling them, and it was “fair” for them to assume I was female, so it didn’t really bother me toooo much or feel like misgendering, but whoo boy did THAT change)

and also during those same Bad Months, struggling over whether I could still be happy IDing as non-binary, and just because I Was Not Female, that didn’t necessarily make me male, but also I liked wearing boy’s clothes and the thought of being a boy made me really happy and I started dreaming that I was a boy and one time my boss told me I was “a gentleman and a scholar” as just a silly joke but my dopamine receptors latched onto the word “gentleman” for like a week of happiness, soooo

I just started doing anything that would make me happy and dropping the things that didn’t. getting a binder made me happy, buying all boy’s clothes for my whole wardrobe has made me happy, and eventually I decided using he/him pronouns would make me happier than they/them pronouns

I’ve also been in therapy for the last several months specifically to have someone to talk to about this stuff, mostly just as a sounding board and someone to listen while I figure out how to verbalize my feelings, because that’s helped me understand WHAT I’m feeling a lot. I also went through a leadership program at my local equality center that let me test out using he/him pronouns and joined a transgender support group where I’ve made friends and also talked about it all!

as for non-binary vs trans male, I eventually realized the actually important part is that I’m Not Female. right now, at this moment, I’m happiER using he/him pronouns and being a trans male. maybe that’s because it’s “easier” in a way because I didn’t have to explain much while coming out at work and he/him is more common than they/them. maybe one day I’ll realize that being binary-male doesn’t quite fit and I’m more demi-boy or even go back to non-binary

but RIGHT NOW, it does make me happy and is easy and safe (at work, with my friends, and with my mother; I am very very lucky) to use that label. since I’m never going to wake up and feel like a cis woman, because I never have in my life so I see no reason for that to be fluid or change, there’s no point in clinging to it when something else could make me happy. and even if I do need to switch to non-binary, that’s not any LESS trans. that’s not like basically a girl. my cis coworkers would still consider me different from them and would still need to get used to new pronouns and a new appearance, so holding back on IDing as a trans male just because I’m not 100% certain I’m a MAN sometimes doesn’t make sense

so that’s how I ended up making the jump to declaring I’m a man, even though it took a really long time and I have doubts sometimes. that’s all OK, and I’m just going to do whatever I need to so I can be happy and live my best life, and so should you

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl4k Fl-

i didn’t die i just fell in love with that skill tree creator and have done nothing for the past few days but make skill trees and sleep for 3 hour intervals. im very excited for the gameplay on Wednesday but oh man oh me oh my i gotta catch up on a lot of posts lol

tl;dr: Fl4k is a badass. Stop misgendering them or I’ll show up at your home at 3am local time every time and then eat your spine. Bonus: Mr. Chew being an ‘Eridian skag’ is probably due to some funky mutation from eridium/slag/eridian stuff. Kinda like how Threshers have the ability to make singularities because they are native to Elpis, which is a big ol’ Eridian base (which i totally addressed in this post lol). I also gave my opinion on Fl4k’s skills in general, if you’re interested in that. Overall, a very awesome trailer! Definitely lived up to the hype.

i said it before, this trailer was one of the best ones. definitely #2 for me, Zane is still at #1 because i actually laughed during it. the music in this one is definitely the best out of all 4 tho. seems like they’re all variations of the same song, i like this one best. I need this soundtrack sooo bad.

also i know probably no one else following this blog watches one piece but like

that first footstep with the studded boot and the sound effect immediately flung me back to katakuri. god katakuri was a badass. i was so excited to see that fight animated.

mr chew spinning around is my favorite thing ever. i love that you can tell the personality of the pets just from watching the intro. 

i know fl4k is like a real badass in this trailer, but i get the feeling they’re going to end up being at least a little soft for their pets. i mean... they have stuffed animals of them ffs.

so... we’re near Sanctuary-III in this trailer? I gotta keep my eye out then. i also want to see if that one claptrap area guess i had is correct or not... this looks like an entryway for the garage so im guessing i wasn’t, but let’s seeeee

there is a raised bit up and to the left

also im wondering if this means we’re going to have to rescue ellie from the CoV.

hmmmmmmmm

hmmmmm i don’t think the signs match up.

mr chew is the goodest boy. im so glad we can pet/interact with him!! i want to know what the names of the other pets are

also, a bit off topic but

i could have sworn fl4k’s jabber was cryo/shock. it was blue, wasn’t it? i wonder if they changed it or if it’s skill upgrades change its color. i thought the upgrades just gave it better guns.

yeah it was! i guess possibly upgrading it with the guns gives it a new color scheme? maybe? this could be the gunslinger upgrade!

it looks like their jabber went through the most design changes out of all of the pets. that or this is yet another upgrade (since each pet has 3 states). maybe this is the beefcake version.

‘bitch’. i love how expressive fl4k is with just the eye. very well done.

ohhh you know what that building is in the back?

[we’re near the intro to the game!]*

and tbh i don’t think this place has the building for Ellie’s Scrap in it... i don’t see it anywhere. maybe this is the actual scrapyard and the building is on the other side?

not quite sure tbh. but at least we know this place may also be near sanc-iii, just maybe not the same area as the actual Ellie’s Scrap.

i mean... there IS a shitload of cars everywhere. i wouldn’t surprised if it’s near her garage cause it looks like a scrapyard.

but also where in the fuck are all these ‘normal��� looking cars coming from?? it’s not like we see them being used on pandora. all the ones we see in bl1/2 are clearly dilapidated and rusting. big thonk. at least the vans/busses kinda make sense.

oh yeah that is definitely the same building. [it’s the recruitment center!]*

this scene with the rakk is my favorite out of all the trailers. so fuckin cool

i do hope the jabber goes back to being blue at some point. i like the red design too, don’t get me wrong, but i much prefer the glowy blue. it’s my favorite color and you guys know i love glowing things 👀

<Huge Selection!!!> lol

cat/doggo/monkey. mr chew is my favorite pet but i love the jabber panting like a dog lol

i never knew this is where spiderant mouths were

i always assumed they were below that... f r e a k y

“he likes to chase cars”

fl4k probably took them to the scrapyard for this exact reason ngl. fl4k being a big softie to their pets confirmed

(also, notice how fl4k uses ‘he’ for mr chew. it’s almost as if they understand the concept of gender, chose their own pronouns, and your argument that they only are nonbinary only because they “don’t understand yet” is invalid! Fl4k is canonically nonbinary and uses they/them/theirs pronouns as confirmed by both SungWon Cho and their in-game skills. 

Now that you know, use they/them/theirs for Fl4k or get off my blog. Because by not doing so, you are disrespecting the devs’ wishes for this character AND the nonbinary people who find representation in them and I won’t support that. if you feel like arguing your reasons to purposefully misgender them even after knowing this, please DM me so I can block you. thanks! 

For those of you out there actually making an effort: mistakes happen, especially if Fl4k is the first NB person you’ve learned about. Just make sure to correct yourself then move on, and we’re okay. Everyone has to learn sometime and it’s better to put in the effort than not care at all. It will become second nature.)

Fl4k is such a badass, they really are way different than i expected (personality-wise), but i am not complaining. gearbox knows me better than i know myself, so i know i’m going to end up loving Fl4k anyway. ProZD did such a fantastic job, i honestly did not recognize him at first! i can tell with certain words now, but wow i am blown away. 

i hope we’re able to climb that bird’s nest lookin’ thing in the back. it would be perfect for sniping and/or placing ur clone for maximum coverage.

seriously, what a badass.

idk i feel obligated to give my opinions of Fl4k over here since they were recently released. I am digging them 100%, tho i was kinda surprised (not in a bad way) they’re not as... i guess soft as i was expecting from their character design with the plushes and the face on the backpack and the smiley face pin, but i imagine that’s different when they’re interacting with their pets. im super curious to see how this VH group’s dynamic is going to go. 

mechanically, their skills seem perfect for people who loved sniper Zer0 and in general Mordecai, with a splash of Salvador tossed in for good luck. I am a dirty melee Zer0 main and i prefered Phasewalking over Bloodwing (altho i still play mordy bc he’s best bl1 VH) so, while I am definitely going to give Fl4k a go, they’re not my main bl3 Vault Hunter, that’s reserved for Zane and his lovely ability to befuddle enemies and run around. Funnily enough, I’m not even a fan of pet classes, so Fl4k being second in my play order is pretty funny. Tho, yeah, Amara being last is also pretty weird. I guess I don’t necessarily enjoy melee, I just enjoy messing with the bad guys lol

ohh, also, I am most interested in the upgrade for mr. chew that gives him the ability to create singularities and is called ‘Eridian Skag’. 

so I’m not saying my theory that the threshers on the moon were connected to Eridians was right, I’m just saying they’re the only form of wildlife we know that has a singularity ability (outside of Mr. Chew, apparently). 

im just saying gearbox, you should hire me to write your deep lore for you cause i’d do it for free

im wondering if we’ll be seeing skags with wormhole abilities in bl3. maybe the constant exposure to slag is starting to mutate them further beyond just elemental bonuses (on badass skags). We know Maya’s phaselock has a singularity ability (so does Amara’s phasegrasp), and that is sorta ‘occurring naturally’ (you know, as natural as siren powers can get) unlike the singularity grenades we encounter which use our known technology. plus, uh, whatever happened to the destroyer’s eye in TPS that made it create a singularity/wormhole by injecting it with a fuckload of slag. that probably has something to do with this as well.

but geez i really hope mr. chew is okay with being all slag/eridium-ed up. i guess being badass elemental skags doesn’t appear to hurt them, just make them more powerful, unlike humans. maybe that has something to do with sentience, if slag/eridium/eridian stuff actually is driving bandits crazy. could explain why/if the jabber doesn’t get an element like the skag (eridian skag) and spiderant (fire) do, since they’re described as semi-sentient...

anyway.

Fl4k is cool. Definitely a neat trailer- my second favorite for sure- and the skill tree drop blew me away because i was not expecting it. im expecting a lot of Fl4k mains in the first few weeks of gameplay because they look like a lot of fun!

EDIT: i was wrong, in the newest IGN vid, it turns out we ARE near the recruitment center, because that IS the recruitment center

they gave them little orange flags! good to know!!

[ebonytails]

oh yeah hey guys

random post because it's 8 am and i'm very tired i'm like, sure let's do this

You know me usually as Isa, if you look at Deviantart or would go through old posts- as Isa is my real name- a nickname of my real name. Ebby/Ebony is my internet name, but i let you guys know I was Isa

So, i'm gonna make it super short because i haven't slept properly for 48 hours, but I just want you guys to know that I identify as Jamie now.

I realized, after so long (which is all my life) that actually, I'm non-binary. I usually go by she/her, but from now on, know I am fine with any pronouns, honestly. Yeah. I'm more used to She/her because that's what I grew up with, but after realizing that, huh,, i'm not,, cis, i tried going with only they/them- and it was nice! And i realized all those times i felt good after being mistaken to be he/him online, i know why i didn't correct people anymore- because i felt good about """being misgendered""" at the time.

Basically how i came to this conclusion was i was talking to someone, and they said "Ebony???? You're she/her???? I thought you were they/them!!!!" and i was like OwO?? i wasn't offended at all, but i was like, why? and i can't remember the conversation much but they said (from what i remember with my bad memory so i'm paraphrasing) "Well, you just seemed non-binary to me,, " "I do?" "well, non-binary people just talk a certain way sometimes" (coming from an enby person)

so that got me on a mini spiral about questioning my identity- because even if i did not care about my gender at all (fun fact, i listed my pronouns as "any" or "idc" even back in 2017/2016 but didn't know what nb was hjsn, said i was cis-female), i never questioned it before i guess because- no one made me? I had doubts, but it wasn't super important to me. Then, suddenly after 17-18 years of my life, i was only then freaking out about "who am i?" and "am i a girl? a boy? a neither or both??" and i started analyzing my life and googling things and reading other people's journals, and turns out, i really am non-binary. I don't know, what specifically under that, but i identify with that now

another thing that helped push me into that really extreme rollercoaster about questioning myself, is when i realized my whole family started with J in their name, except for me. I started with an M, so I asked my mum what name I could use that has a J AND fit our last name- and we found the name Jamie. And, for some reason, i felt so,,, happy when i heard that name, and i also got so angry that i was attached to it "for some reason" and again, went on that spiral, asking myself "why do i like it so much?"

other stuff in that weird questioning phase was me saying "am i really non-binary? maybe i'm just thinking about it because i'm actually bad and joining as a "trend" (a gross thought), do i want to be nb? why do i want to be? am i just copying people?" and etc etc

I haven't told much anyone else? i've told my friends online and my girlfriends, but i haven't told my family or anyone in real life besides my therapist who uses my new name! I've also told like,, maybe 2 other irl people. I don't want to tell my parents, because they already find me being "pan" weird, so i just shorten it to gay, which is, still weird to them skjcksjdsdkj, but at the very least, i think i can get them to call me Jamie now, and just pass it off as "i want to be called jamie so i can "fit in" and be a J like you guys" or something

anyway yeah, i'm Jamie, not Isa. I never expected to be part of this community before- but i won't lie, i've always kind of, looked into it. but because i didn't know what it meant, i didn't think it applied to me much ksjskjskjs

okay that's all, happy easter ;;

me: says i'll make it super short

Also me: types 10 paragraphs

[werevulvi]

Okay I feel like I just got very close to what's going on with me genderwise and why I've been spinning in circles about it so much. Especially lately, but also always. Keep in mind most of this text is just me ranting in attempts to try to figure myself out. It’s not definitive or a conclusion. Input is however always welcome. I think I would have been nonbinary if I hadn't become a radfem and no longer identify with gender as a concept. My personality/brain is very androgynous and I literally can't say it's of any specific gender. The question, of course, is does anyone's brain even have a gender? Well I'm no expert but I think it's possible that some people do, or rather that they come to the conclusion that they do. In my world, gender is ideological and belief-based rather than factual. It's a belief that I don't have, but I'm generally fine with others having it. Just like I'm fine with people believing in God, or any other deities. Cause I mean heck, I believe in Satan, so...

But I like and want for general society to be sex-based, not gender-based; just like I want for all societies to be secular. Cause gender hurts people (women, mostly) just like religion does too.

My dysphoria is pretty much telling me I should be partially both male and female (as opposed to neither sex), so from that I could theoretically come to the conclusion that my gender is nonbinary, now in my detransition, if I believed in gender. But since I don't, I simply scratch the concept of gender altogether and only go by my biological sex instead. Which is, transitioned or not, and regardless of what I wanna look like, still female. And it's possible that since my dysphoria is at least half okay with me being female, that could be why I'm also totally fine with seeing myself as a woman, cause even my dysphoria doesn't entirely oppose of that. It just partially wants me to me a man as well. Somehow.

And I've always been much more concerned with my physical/bodily situation than however I'm perceived socially, anyhow. But simply "getting over" being perceived as a man 100% of the time when my brain just goes against that, is not so easy. Sometimes I like it but not by every new person I meet. I want to be consistent, but for unknown reasons I hate neutral terms and the "they" pronouns. I guess ideally I'd be a "he/she" but I'd absolutely hate being such an obnoxious brat as to even kindly ask people to switch around terms and pronouns for me. Like I'd hate myself for it and feel like a complete burden. So I stick to only female terms/pronouns for convenience and consistency.

It's not that I see myself as a man one day and a woman the next, but rather my dysphoria says I'm somehow both a man and a woman at the same time, always, and it doesn't really shift around or change. Although on some days I do connect more or less to one or the other, but always acknowledge both. You know those old depictions of Satan painted as half a man and half a woman? (Usually with a goat head, but ignore that part.) Yeah something like that, but more coherently blended together, like equally mixed on both sides. However I still like and want for my body to be predominantly female, I just also like it having gone through both a female and a male puberty. It's like I connect with both sexes, but I know I'm not actually both. I'm just female. And perhaps I would ideally want to be seen as a "both male and female" person, but I'm also totally fine with being seen as just a medically masculinised woman, cause that's what I literally am. We're back to scientific basics here. What my dysphoria says is a deluded fairytale; what I say is let's be rational. And I don't want to be seen as or consider myself as something I am not. Not anymore. "I want to live in the real world" as Neo says in The Matrix movie when he takes the red pill. But when it comes to labels... yeah, no there really isn't a term for someone like me, who de-/transitions in a nonbinary way but sticks with sex-based terms/words and doesn't agree with gender ideology. FTX, perhaps? No, I hate that one too, cause it looks like I tried to erase my sex instead of enhancing it and making it... merrier. Also, is it just me or don't most nb people who medically transition seem to quite often actually want to look genderless, rather than double the dose? As in wanting to look both male and female at the same time. Well, just thinking about getting anything removed from my body gets me anxious... I can't imagine what it's like to want no sexed traits, and the thought of it makes me a little woozy. Not to judge others' dysphoria, just saying I so can NOT relate to that, what so ever. Cause I guess that's the total opposite of my own dysphoria.

But anyhow, because I don't go by any gender identity, or because I ask to be gendered in accordance with my bio sex, I've little in common with the popular circles of nonbinary people who only seem to be interested in calling out accidental misgendering, making up ridiculous fake genders and neo pronouns, claiming to be "non-dysphoric trans" or whatever the fuck have you. I kinda don't wanna associate myself with that kind of clownery. And let's not even get into what I think of their harmful fake-feminism views that they often drag along with their gender views... Probably the only things I've in common with (some of) those nb people is having atypical dysphoria and wanting more gender neutral bathrooms/locker rooms available. And yeah, less harrassment of gnc people in society, please. Oh well, being part of any pack has never really been my thing. It's always tempting from the outside, but suffocating from the inside. But my real pet peeve is that all trans labels are based on the notion that everything starts with gender identity, rather than gender dysphoria. And I guess that's the thorn in my side. That I don't like how gender-obsessed everything has become. I'd be embarrassed to say "I'm nb" if someone would ask me if I'm a man or a woman. Just like trans isn't a "third gender" I don't think nb is either, but people really do treat it as such. I don't even see transitioning as becoming or transforming myself into something I wasn't born as. I don't see myself as any less female than any women who don't wanna look partially male like I do.

But fact of the matter is a huge reason why I now feel so super comfortable to just go bat shit crazy with my hyper-femininity is because I've got my now additional maleness to balance it out with. I feel very balanced and harmonic with my maleness and femaleness, my femininity and masculinity, or I would if only I also had boobs again. When I imagine that I do (which I do at least several times per day, cause it just happens), I feel so right that there are no words for it... gender euphoria? Those might be the words I'm looking for!

I've been considering possibly just calling myself nonbinary though, for simplicity's sake, even though I don't like that term or associating myself with that community. Cause few outside of radfem circles seem to understand what I am at all, as a dysphoric detrans woman, and I feel desperate for a simple thing to call myself that would make my communication easier. That is why I'm hunting labels, with probably very apparent desperation, cause now I've so thoroughly entangled myself in a web of not being able to communiate my situation to either genderists or normies. Perhaps I could use the slightly incorrect label nb as a crutch or foundational brick, and then explain that despite what my dysphoria is telling me I consider myself a woman, lesbian, she/her, etc because of my female biology.

I dunno, though. I hate it all. Why did I put myself in this situation to begin with?! I want gender abolished yesterday. It's giving me a headache.

[gnostic-heretic]

And when I say a lot of t*rf posts end up on my dashboard I mean it and it’s always so hard to try to separate between the people who are ultimately well meaning and didn’t know and those who spread this stuff maliciously. That post is right tho if you know what r*dfem transmisogyny and transphobia looks and sounds like it’s harder to fall for these posts... the shitty thing about t*rf shit is that it trickles down, in a progressive scale from their blogs to seemingly “neutral” (but never actually neutral*) blogs that maybe sound a little iffy but never outright call themselves g/ender critical or name trans people, onto complicit popular discourse blogs and then on people’s dashboards. *Hell one time I saw a blog that seemed like an innocent supergirl femslash blog just to find she reblogged constantly from t*rfs posts that were just on the borderline and never outright mentioned trans people, only buzzwords and this is what I mean by “neutral” blogs that are actually complicit. This blog has a lot of followers. How many of them reblog these posts uncritically? And I wish there were more lists of said buzzwords and how to recognise them but

The reality is that we trans people especially trans women have to be constantly on the watch for shit like this. We know the arguments and we know why they’re bullshit. Meanwhile cis people don’t really know the specifics of their ideology and seem to fall for it over and over. And the worst thing about it is that t*rfs use this as confirmation bias that their ideas are actually good and everyone would agree with them if they just present it without the slurs and mocking. But the slurs demeaning and mocking are a fundamental part of it, and of trans exclusion in general. Fear mongering and dehumanising trans people are the mean to wiping us out of existence.

I won’t explain why those ideas are wrong because I’m starting from the assumption that my followers are not transphobic and don’t find statements like “trans women are women” controversial, but buzzwords include (warning for blunt discussions of transphobia):

- expressing “concern” about men invading women’s spaces or the “purity” of said spaces (they don’t use the word purity but as a concept in general). This concern is never explained, only stated, because once you look into it you find that it’s actually about trans women. As a side note, the whole “invasion” thing is a popular one and it is reminiscent of white s*premacist bullshit ... this idea that since gay trans people are “actually straight” we will eventually outnumber “the real” gay people by calling ourselves gay and invading their spaces. the more you know ... if this doesn’t ring a bell you need to look into actual n*zi theories like “the gre//at re\\placement” and then we can talk again. The jump from t*rf to alt-ri/ght trad mom is shorter and swifter than either of those groups would have you believe

- “males can’t be lesbians” a pretty non controversial statement if it wasn’t that male is code for trans women. “Men who fetishise lesbians” is also a tricky one because while this is indeed a real issue, they’re referring to “auto/g/ynephilia” aka the idea that the reason lesbian and bi trans women transition at all is just because they fetishise the idea of themselves as a woman/lesbian (contrapoints has a good in depth video about this that explains better than I ever could) — on the same note talk about how “male sexuality” is something inherently corrupt, oppressing, and violent, and cannot be healthy ever, without any other context given is also usually code for “trans women are perverts and sexual predators” . The word “p//ornsick” also comes up often so watch out for it.

- the pervasive idea that a group of “straight people fetishising being gay/a lesbian” is out there and threatening REAL gay/lesbian spaces starts from here. I’ve mentioned a/utogy/nephilia but “fujoshi” is usually code for gay trans men, with a similar idea behind it. We’re not really gay men, just straight women who fetishise the idea of ourselves as a gay man... at least that’s the idea behind it.

- which brings us to the point. “straight people invading gay spaces” is usually if not always code for gay trans people.

- kinda related to the above point, honestly you’re all fools if you think the whole ace discourse bullshit wasn’t just eventually a path to trans and bisexual exclusion. Trans and bi people have been saying this for years but no one wants to listen. That’s not to say that exclusionists are t*rfs but those ideas were popularised by them... that’s just to say learn where your ideology comes from before you endorse it and embrace it

- similarly “queer is a slur” started there so you might want to reconsider why you’ve been convinced to tag your posts “q slur” by people who use other homophobic slurs pretty liberally lol . “Queer means straight people invade our spaces!” + any talk about gnc straight men/women and how it doesn’t make them queer or lgbt, Yeah, this was about never about “gnc” it was trans people all along. The implication is that trans people don’t exist, so we can be nothing but gnc “males/females”. Congrats! You’re a fool! Now don’t make me read this bullshit ever again.

- stuff that makes fun of said “gnc people” “queers” , man buns, undercuts, brightly coloured hair, specific names (aiden comes to my mind) careful about posts that mock the concept of “queering heterosexuality” they’re usually about gay couples with one trans and one cis person, or where both people are trans but with different asab. (ie a gay trans man dating a pan cis man, a trans woman and an afab nb person dating will get mocked as “straight people” who are just pretending to be anything but) sometimes it’s also about bi people jsyk but...

- “forcing young lesbians to not identify as lesbians”/“stop telling young lesbians they should be/are men” is also a big thing. implies that trans people are out there recruiting teenagers who would otherwise be cis lesbians (or more rarely cis gay men) and forcing them into identifying as trans. “young lesbians” also doesn’t always mean young lesbians it’s usually meant to misgender trans men who already identify as men (but in this theoretical framework trans as a concept is nonexistent, a perversion, a delusion, so what could we be but porn/sick straight people or delusional, misguided cis gays who fall victim of a conspiracy)

- entire blogs dedicated to d/etransition (or “reidentifi/cation” as they call it now) experiences that don’t bother to acknowledge that their experience is not universal and au contraire seem to want to push detransition as the one way to happiness especially for afab people. Yes I do think that people who detransition should be able to talk about it, but if the conclusions you draw are “this didn’t work for me so it’s toxic and bad for everyone”, and openly advocate against trans people’s existence, you’re full of shit. Only a small percentage of trans people detransition: over 90% of us are satisfied with the results. It’s all just concern trolling.

- posts about how dysphoria is either a “delusion” or a “normal female experience”, posts that sound a lot like body positivity but they’re actually pushing for detransition (ie you should accept your body as is, surgery is mutilation of your already perfect body etc etc) this is also tricky but it’s all in the language. Phrases like “young women who undergo surgery to fix their already good bodies” could refer to a variety of things but it’s all in the context. Words like “reconnect” “reidentification” are usually presented as alternative. Dysphoria is usually not named and referred to as a delusion or social pressure and something that should never be considered real, ie if you see something like “young women undergo surgery to chase a delusion” it probably comes from a t*rf. be wary of any surgery talk in general is my point because it’s usually presenting gcs as on the same level of lip fillers and Botox (ignoring that trans people face infinite struggles to access surgery and social ostracism for pursuing medical transition so it’s not the same AT ALL)

- talk about stuff like “hrt is dangerous actually” and “binding is horrible actually”? Yeah. You can guess where it comes from. It’s important to acknowledge the risks of hrt/binding but sensationalism about how it’s dangerous and could kill you and so on... it’s just overblown concern trolling to convince people that medical transition is mutilation and a conspiracy to kill the above mentioned “young lesbians”

- sentiments akin to “t*rf is a slur used against lesbians” even if not presented this way are also a red flag, sorry. If you don’t want to be called a t*rf, maybe don’t speak and act like one.

- the sad news is in the end there’s no way to discern whether someone is a t*rf or not because a lot of the time these same talking points come from blogs that have little “t*rfs don’t interact tee hee!” Banners on their description. A lot of r/adfem blogs out there are side blogs of people you wouldn’t usually suspect. Maybe they are vocal against trans exclusion, and in support of trans people, and then switch accounts to hurl about how horrible it is that they feel forced to welcome us “sexual pervert straight people” into their spaces. That’s why imo it’s more important to recognise the ideology than it is to look for clues. Again, if it sounds like one, it’s probably one :’)

[mysplaced-pen]

i don't know if this was asked yet, but if possible, how would the RFA (+ v and saeran if you could) react to an mc who is trans/nb and coming out to them for the first time? it could be a teary come-out, a slip up, or a "oh hey btw im trans lol", whatever you think suits each character. thank you ^^ have a nice day

hey, love💛 I hope you have a nice day/night too ^^ I hope you like this! And I hope I did it justice ^^; 

im cis so i can only hope;;;; plus i’m, uh..feeling..some kinda way today. so i thought i’d start with something cute

zen

mc was not in the mood today

for anything, really. they would much prefer to stay in bed all day

especially because they really did not want to be misgendered today, as they were bound to be 

even by zen, who was as cheerful as everyday, but he didn’t know

maybe they should just tell him 

“hey, babe” zen said, walking back into the bedroom. “I have breakfast ready, would you like some?” 

“…no, i’m okay.” they said from under the blanket. zen pouted, “princess, you know you have to be healthy..”

the nickname made mc cringe - and not in the usual ‘zen’s being cheesy’ way

he felt mc shift under the covers. “are you alright, hun?”

“yeah…” “mc, tell me what’s bothering you.” “zen, I said nothing-” “i can tell when something’s wrong, princess, just tell me”

and tbh, they couldn’t handle it anymore

“that’s what’s wrong!” mc said, uncovering their face from the blanket. 

zen jerked back in surprise, looking at them. mc was tearing up as they spoke again

“I know you mean well, god, I know you’re only trying to be good to me. and you are, you really are, I mean that. but I- oh my god- I can’t handle that nickname.”

“mc…can I ask why?” now mc was crying. 

out with it then, mc. there’s no going back now.

“I-” they sigh, “I’m not a girl, Zen. I’m nonbinary.”

he was honestly confused, he never heard of that before

so the day was spent explaining and being in bed. 

zen listened, wiped their tears, brought in that breakfast for both of them. he asked questions, mc answered them. and he understood, in the end

“well. now I need a new nickname!” “isn’t ‘babe’ enough?” “no! i want to shower you in adorable nicknames for being an adorable person”

yoosung

it was an accident. 

mc ordered a binder and it came in when yoosung checked the mail

he saw what was on the package and asked mc about it

“hey honey, there was a package for you. something about a binder?”

mc froze. oh no.

it’s ok mc, damage control. just make something up, it’s fine. he doesn’t need to know what it’s really for.

“oh, thanks, honey! I didn’t expect it to come in yet.” “I put it on the bed, okay?” “yeah, of course.”

nice save, mc. 

“why did you need a binder shipped to you, though mc? can’t you just buy one at the store?”

mc laughs, “sure, honey. just buy a binder at the store. I wish I could, so at least I can try it on before buying it. It would help a guy out, you know?”

……….. wA I T

“what?” yoosung asks. mc flushes. “oh, um…”

“not…that kind of binder, than.” mc freezes again and looks at the ground

yoosung stands up and walks over, putting a hand on mc’s cheek 

“honey…it’s alright. you can tell me.” mc looked up at him, seeing a soft, warm smile.

“…I’m trans.” mc says. yoosung smiles wider, but it looks nothing like a teasing smile. “I’m a guy, yoosung.” 

he hugs mc tightly. “you’re the best boy I’ve ever met, honey.”

jaehee

this was also an accident, but this time, it was on jaehee’s part

she didn’t know how to tell mc, especially since she just figured it out herself too

mc was a normal girl..and jaehee was nonbinary

but she would accept jaehee. of course she would…right?

guess she was about to find out

mc got home that day and jaehee spoke, “I need to tell you something, love. come sit with me?”

mc nodded, taking her hand and following her to the dining table. “I actually need to tell you something too, jaehee”

oh now jaehee was nervous

they sat down next to each other and jaehee took a deep breath

“you go first, hun.” mc said. jaehee nodded.

“mc, i’m…i’m nonbinary” jaehee waited for her reaction

mc kept quiet for a bit, staring at her and blinking

“…love?” “are you serious?”

oh no, there it was. mc was going to break up with her

“um, yes-” “i was just going to tell you that I’m trans!”

“wait- what?” “I’m a transwoman, jaehee…i couldn’t handle hiding it anymore..”

jaehee just pulled mc into a hug. “oh, i love you.” she let out in relief

mc chuckled, “i love you too.”

jumin

ok ok ok we can do this, mc

jumin won’t mind, he’s repeatedly told us he loved us for who we are, not for what we look like

….but what if who we are isn’t.. 

oh, just do it….no no no don’t

the door opens and jumin calls out, “mc, I’m home!”

oh no

“hi, love! how was your day?” “busy, as always..but I’m glad to be home.”

mc, don’t wait any longer, do it now!

“um, I need to tell you something, honey bun..” 

jumin looked up at them before going to take his shoes off. “go ahead, my love.”

before mc could speak, though, they started tearing up

they were nervous. too nervous to say anything

jumin looked at them again, stopping what he was doing as soon as he saw mc crying

“my love, what’s wrong? are you hurt? did someone hurt you or-”

“no, no jumin that isn’t it, I’m sorry..” “don’t be sorry, my love. what’s wrong?”

“I just…I don’t know how to tell you.” “You can tell me anything, mc. I love you and I trust you.” he’s getting really worried now

“I’m..I’m trans, jumin. I’m a male.” 

he stops for a second process, but automatically moves to wipe mc’s tears

“oh, my love. you scared me…I thought you were really hurt..” 

“you don’t mind?” “of course I don’t mind. You are who you are, and I love every bit of that.”

707 / luciel / saeyoung

he called mc after he signed them into the rfa

“hello? is this the new cutie in the rfa?” 

“have you really seen pictures of me?” mc says, making him laugh

“straight to the point, then. yeah, I have.” “then you know..”

“you’re cute, and I do mean that.” “…i am?”

“the cutest girl in the rfa! well, there’s only jaehee. but there’s me sometimes too.”

“..what?” “i’m genderfluid. but anymore about me is a secret~” 

“huh, alright. then I guess I can just say it.” “if you want to practice with me, sure.”

mc smiles. 707 catches it on the CCTV. “I’m trans.” 

707 smiles too, though she can’t see, “atta girl.”

the conversation doesn’t stop there, of course

the two of them talk for a while, about how they relate to each other, how the rfa reacted to him coming out 

he assures her that the rfa is very welcoming, but she can take all the time she needs

they confide in each other, which only adds to why they get along so well 

v / jihyun

it was so casual with jihyun, actually

like, mc couldn’t explain why, it just felt so easy to just say it 

the two of them were laying on the couch, legs intertwined while they both read a book

it was quiet and V was focused, but mc kept getting distracted from their book and kept glancing at him

he noticed, but didn’t say anything.

it was actually really hard for him not to smile 

“hey, jihyun?”

“yes angel?” he said, looking up from his book.

“i’m nonbinary.” 

v smiled and sat up, leaning over to kiss mc’s forehead

“alright, my love. i’m glad you decided to tell me, thank you for putting that much trust in me”

mc blushed and sat up to kiss his cheek, “you’re so amazing, V. I don’t understand”

he chuckled and shook his head, leaning back to his original position

“you are mistaken. I’m a simple human. you, however, are an angel”

“jihyunnnnn” mc whines

“what? it’s true! angels are nonbinary too.” “who told you that, jihyun?” 

“every story I’ve heard of them. Plus the person right in front of me right now.”

saeran

honestly, saeran just had to be taking questionnaires right now

and mc was too used to making this damn joke

“full name.” saeran says

“don’t you know that?” mc answers

“true, alright. birthday?”

“saerannnn, you know all these things about me. why are you doing these in the first place?”

he fills out mc’s birthday before shrugging. “bored. we’re not sending these out anyways”

“fine. what other questions are there?”

“the usual for now. next is gender”

“alien.” mc says 

saeran looks back at them. “what?”

“i’m an alien, saeran.” “no, mc, like…male and female”

“i have to pick??”

oh wait, mc, saeran doesn’t know- 

“…can you explain?” he asks.

“um…i’m nonbinary?” 

saeran also needs a little explaining. he has more questions than zen, too

but he’s totally understanding

“…they should make an ‘alien’ option.” he says after their talk

“honestly.” mc says

he draws a circle near the ‘male’ and ‘female’ options and marks it as ‘alien’ before filling it in. “there.”

[thelightfluxtastic]

(I couldn't find many genderflux blogs, sorry) So, I'm afab and not that long ago I came out to my cis boyfriend as femflux. He's pansexual so he still sees me the same way, but he hasn't been with anyone nb before, and it has caused some awkwardness. I told him about how sometimes my body and voice has caused dysphoria, and how somedays I don't notice, and some days I cringe at the idea people are going to call me she. I'm new to being out, and he's new to dating someone nb. Any advice?

No need to apologize, I’m here for advice and happy to help in any way I can (though I’m not a professional. Yet). I’m happy that you came to me.

I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend who was very accepting throughout my entire ‘figuring out gender’ phase. But we still dealt with some hurdles and I’ll try to draw from that to help you. It would help if I knew what you meant by ‘awkwardness’ (and feel free to follow up with another message) but I’ll do my best.

-If you’re afraid he isn’t really seeing you as your gender

This can be really difficult, especially if you haven’t transitioned, or won’t/can’t transition. Even when my bf and friend said they accepted me, I still had a lot of self doubt inside. What I found helpful was different ways of validation- asking him to use different pronouns, etc. My bf will call me “datemate”, “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” depending on where I’ve fluxed that day, switch between “handsome” and “beautiful” etc. Little things like that really help assure me that he’s seeing me as I am, and helps a lot with dysphoria.

-If you need to adjust for dysphoria

Tell him! This is somewhat related to the post above. But if he’s never dated someone nb before, he won’t know what is likely to be hurtful or awkward. Frankly, since every nb person is unique, this would be necessary even if you weren’t both new to this. If there’s something he’s saying or doing that makes you uncomfortable, let him know. If there’s something he can do to help you feel less dysphoric, let him know. It sounds like he cares and accepts you as nb- but people aren’t mind readers, and he might be worried about doing something wrong, or feel awkward at not knowing what to do.

-If he feels uncertain/awkward/scared

This is really similar to the point above. I remember back when I thought I was cis, and my best friend came out as agender. I freaked out, thinking “oh my god, i’ve been misgendering and hurting you this whole time! what do I do? how do I act around a nonbinary person? What if I do something wrong?” I can’t say for sure, but your bf might be having some of the same thoughts- make sure he knows you’re still the same person, and communicate what you need gender-wise. With time and practice, you guys will get into a rhythm of knowing each other well.

-If transitioning is a conflict

When I first came out to my bf as fluidflux, not just genderflux, he admitted it would be uncomfortable for him if I transitioned to a more masculine body, especially bottom surgery. Luckily for us, I don’t want bottom surgery. I did tell him I might want a breast reduction, and that was not a problem for him. You and your bf might be in a different position. He’s pan, so perhaps body won’t matter to him, perhaps it will. If that’s what it comes down to- your body is your body, and no one else gets to decide what you do with it or how it should be shaped. If he can’t accept the transitions you want or plan for (if any), then you shouldn’t sacrifice your autonomy and needs to maintain a relationship. You have power over your body, and he has power to decide what he finds attractive in a partner. Trust me, if you guys disagree on this and try to keep dating, both of you will just be unhappy.

-No matter what

Communicate. That is the best relationship advice I can ever give, to anyone, ever. The points above are my best guesses at what might be bothering each of you, or be awkward between you. But I, also, am not a mind reader. Talk with your boyfriend. What, exactly, is he worried about? What is making him uncomfortable? And give him the same information about yourself. Let each other know what you want and need, and work with that.

[umbreeonic]

I'm confused, do you accept he/him lesbians? Like, say I was a genderfluid lesbian and my pronouns are she/he, am I still a lesbian?

short answer: pronouns =/= gender

long answer: hmm okay preface for u. this read like bait 2 me so if u were being genuine or whatever sorry this anger isn’t at u, however if you think lesbians can’t use he/him pronouns sit ur ass down bc here’s my anger. Listen. Listen. It’s not a new thing for lesbians, or even some women who aren’t lesbians, to use he/him pronouns. Early twentieth century, there were butch lesbians using he/him as their pronouns bc they felt that was a good way to express their gender non-conformance. These were, as far as we know, cisgender woman attracted only to other women. And they used he/him pronouns. This goes for any other gnc woman who doesn’t consider themself trans, at any point of time in history. There’s also the simple fact that some trans women use he/him pronouns to lessen the pain of being misgendered, or even because they just like those pronouns. Who tf knows it’s not my job 2 police other ppls genders mines confusing enough as it is. There’s also like… the simple fact that nonbinary ppl exist. The sj side of this site has gotten v good at recognizing that enbies are still enbies when they use she/her and/or he/him pronouns. Something I am most definitely NOT complaining about as I am extremely grateful for the help in recognizing the cissexist view of myself and my gender, HOWEVER. A good portion of these ppl get weirded out when a nonbinary lesbian decides to use he/him pronouns. Bc the immediate assumption a he/him is a dude, and dudes can’t be lesbians!!!!!! Sounds a little… exorsexist there doesn’t it. So yea, fem aligned enbies can use he/him pronouns and b lesbians. And ur example is also quite good, to put a face and name to it would b if alex fierro of the Magnus chase series was only attracted to girls. She’s a genderfluid trans girl who’s usually a girl but sometimes a guy. So yea, if she were only attracted to girls and called herself a lesbian DING DING DING we have a lesbian who uses he/him pronouns, however occasionally it may be! Is that easier to accept for those still in their backwards mindset that lesbians can’t touch he/him pronouns Ever or be lost in masculinity??? If not then lmao fuck off. You can be whatever kind of binary, trans, nb, or genderqueer lesbian u wanna be and use he/him pronouns. Because guess what? PRONOUNS =/= GENDER.

[doggbonezz]

i’ve spent way too many hours today trying to figure out what the fuck my gender is. one minute i’m sure i’m nb and the next i’m sure i’m ftm. i’m pretty sure i’m not cis, but what if i’m just fooling myself??? i don’t like being called a girl. i don’t like my birth name. i prefer they/them for sure and i think i like he/him. i wish i actually looked like a guy instead of a butch lesbian. sometimes people do read me as male but hear my stupidly high voice and “correct themselves” it’s fucking annoying.

but so many people call me Arin now. While i’m at school, i think “yeah i want to tell people to call me by the right name” but i’m scared i’m making a mistake. Also if i am nb, which i probably am if i’m honest with myself. How the fuck am i going to get people to call me by the right pronouns?? I know a lot of people who use they/them and they get misgendered all the fucking time. When i’m in class i hear people making jokes about trans (mostly nb) people all the time — like the old “i identify as an attack helicopter” bullshit. If i tell these people i use a different name and they/them pronouns they will not do it. They will make fun of me. If i tell them i use he/him (which i mean i guess works too) they will assume i’m a trans dude, and i don’t want to lie to people. But i can just say “hey my name’s Arin now and i use they/them and he/him” and nothing else i’ll probably be okay. they’ll still assume i’m a dude but i mean, i think thats fine?

But what if i’m making a mistake? what if i get everyone to call me by what feels right now and then figure out i’m wrong later? That would be fucking humiliating and would confuse people and make me feel awful. I’m just really fucking scared and confused. I don’t think i’m cis, i’ve had thoughts about maybe being trans since the 6th grade, but it’s always been little bouts of “oh i’m trans” “no i’m not trans” in this cycle that every time i think it’s done just comes back. Other people are trans. My friends are trans. I don’t want to be. I want to be happy being a girl,,, but i don’t think i am? i don’t want this.

[traunnatized]

Tldr: my gf and cat pictures make a shitty day a million times better!! I love my gf and I love cats!!!

Today sucked. I had cramps the whole time I was at work, which is mostly physical activity because I'm rushing to push heavy carts around a big store and stock stuff fast, then backstock whatever doesn't fit even faster, while wearing a binder cause i'm stupid and wear it to work every day. I got misgendered the whole time cause nobody at work seems to understand how they/them pronouns work (spoiler alert: it's the same way they work when you're talking about a group of people) and it felt worse cause somehow my period makes depression and anxiety and nightmares AND dysphoria worse all at once, plus I spent at least twenty minutes wondering whether I'm even allowed to be upset that people use the wrong pronouns and/or name since I have this double standard where I absolutely believe that other nonbinary people can feel upset about it but I feel like I'm somehow not trans/nb enough to be allowed to be upset. On top of that, there were no zebras or walkies available and there was no paper with a list of my assigned vehicles for freight and both people I asked about what to do acted really annoyed that I asked. And one of them apparently decided my name tag must be wrong and called me the name only my gf and close friends are allowed to use now instead of the name clearly written on my name tag. It's a name I've never even gone by at this job, by the way, but every time I interact with this particular manager he seems to think he can just choose what to call me. After I finally found out what to work on, I almost started crying in the back room and my whole shift I couldn't wait to leave. Four and a half hours later (yes it was a short shift but it still sucked), I got to go meet my girlfriend so we could eat the picnic of PB&Js plus chips and drinks and sometimes dessert that I make for us most days. And I saw her and then my day got better. We went to a thrift store (consignment store? Idk but I got a new button up for $3!!) and she tried on a bunch of dresses and was really cute the whole time. Then we went home and ate dinner and cuddled and watched tv. And then I got a surprise cat picture!! And then I looked at a bunch more cute cat pictures!!! Even though I still can't sleep at like 4 am after taking melatonin and smoking a bunch of weed, I've decided that today (yesterday I guess) doesn't suck after all. Plus I haven't mentioned it here I don't think, but I got into an online BA in Public Service with a focus on Nonprofit Management, and i'm actually really excited!!! I keep getting more info about it. I'm gonna meet with an advisor next week, I emailed a couple hours ago to ask about how to sign up for online orientation, and I start this summer!! I really just want to help people (specifically homeless LGBTQ+ youth, cause it could have been me and while it could have been way worse I did live at friends' houses for a while and occasionally had to sleep in my car for like up to a week because I was never really safe at home for more than a night or two and sometimes friends were out of town or whatever) and hopefully this will be a good start. And if it goes well, I plan to get a master's in social work after i'm done with this program. Anyway this afternoon at work I got really upset and felt like i'd never feel better again, and 12ish hours later i'm feeling pretty good and I know in the moment every bad feeling seems like it'll last forever but i have to keep remembering that it won't really. And days like this help cause next time I feel shitty I can try to remember this.