#i know im really loud about being. autistic. its a big part of who i am and im happy i have a word. for it.

[perdidit-vulpes]

yippie.

[escrupulo42o]

WELCOME TO THE BRAND NEW SEGMENT OF MY BLOG CALLED "INTELLECTUAL TOÑO TIME‼️‼️"😎😎🤓‼️⁉️🔥🔥

in this segment i will show you a song i really like, ill translate it if needed, ill explain/analyze the lyrics and apply them on to my favourite characters!

in the translation, you might see this sign (+), it means that i will later add details that might have gotten lost in the translation or stuff like that. and if you see something between brackets like these [...], its probably some small notes i leave to carify some small detail or explain the use of certain words.

the first song will be "Carismatico" by the argentinian band Babasonicos and the character will be Johnny Cage :D

the translated lyrics are the following:

i thought i saw two clowns

with scared faces, closing the shop

pretend (+), they have their costumes on

they are going to the circus to get the camels

they look a bit spooked

(straight) out from a painting that is about to fade

pretend, they are very sweaty

they carry a bucket with confetti

i have to learn to pretend more

and to not show my emotions

i have to learn to pretend more

and to pilot (+) what i think

i try to reach a door

and i hear a swarm of flies whistling

pretend, they are buzzing my name

we have to leave and i dont know how (+)

i have to learn [the rest of the chorus]

…

[chorus x3 -> as in 3 times, not the silly face]

[theres a secret second chorus that plays over the first one, i will add it by puting between parenthesis]

(some nights im easy)

(i dont abide by limits (+))

(some nights im easy)

i have to learn to pretend more

(i dont abide to limits)

…

i have to learn to pretend more

(i dont abide by limits)

i have to learn to pretend more

and to pilot what i think

ok so now on to clarifications

on the first (+) you see, theres the word "pretend" (or in the original lyrics, "disimula"). in this case it is a way of saying something like "pretend you didnt see/hear it" or "pretend it doesnt affect you"

the second (+) is for the word "pilot" ("pilotear" in spanish). it is an expression used to say something like "manage/stabilize the situation" in the way a pilot would stabilize a plane when going through turbulences (in this case the turbulences would be his thoughts)

third (+), the original lyrics do not actually say that but i had no idea how to translate it + google translate and word reference were not helping, so i had to change it in order to not put a whole ass explanation in the middle of the lyrics. the original text is something along the lines of "we have to leave and i dont know where to leave through". im not even sure if thats grammatically correct but what its trying to say is that he does not know where the exit is.

fourth (+), i genuinely dont know XD. i confess i used google translate for this one

if you are curious about the secret chorus its from the song "Yegua"

now ANALYSIS TIME‼️

the song talks mostly abot social anxiety and feeling like everyone is watching everything you do. at first it would seem like the concept of social anxiety has nothing to do with the egocentric, confident and cocky Johnny Cage, but youd be wrong. in my headcanons, he grew up as an undiagnosed autistic kid in a small town inthe fucking 90's, of course he has social anxiety. he just made himself be this big extroverted and confident person to make up for it. hes constantly worrying about how people percieve him (in his looks, in the way he talks, in the way he moves), about people talking about him behind his back (yk celebrity shit + this can be connected with the flies mentioned in the song), about his emotions being too big, about being too intense, being too much. he was around people who told him he was "bad" (annoying, loud, dumb, etc.) so much that it became a part of his subconsious, a part of his thoughts. they hunt his every move, a constant monolgue of every tiny thing he does wrong. specially when he was younger, this thoughts would get so intense that they would overwhelm him, but it doesnt happen very often anymore. everyone usually assumes he has a pretty high self esteem but he has just gotten really good at hiding his insecurities under layers upon layers of braggings, fake self confidence, borderline narcissistic tendencies and a lot of jokes. he basically made himself charismatic, a.k.a, the name of the song. also, if you listen to that second chorus its kinda like a response to the main chorus. it refers to someone that parties a lot and doesnt care about anything or anyone. it is a conversation between a very insecure and shy person (the first chorus) and an over confident and social person. alternatively, it is a conversation between John Carlton and Johnny Cage.

aside from the lovely lyrics, this song is AWESOME when it comes to the music. it genuinely makes me go insane like AAAHSVAAH i highly recommend listening to it with headphones

i think thats all i had to say about it :P

[waitingonthewind]

Out of all your characters (from games or otherwise), which one do you think is the most like you? In what ways? Was it intentional, or was it an accident you only noticed after the fact?

(Feel free to delete if it feels too personal 🙈)

@undead-potatoes aaaaaa thanks so much for the ask!!! i don't love doing self reflection (i have a hard time in identifying things about myself and often rely on other people to Tell Me Who I Am) but i love talkin about my ocs so this ended up really big

ill pop the majority of this under the cut but here take an unfinished doodle of my first attempt at a fursona in this the year 2023 bc i finally had some insight into What That Might Be for me its a leafy sea dragon bc as a kid i loved dragons and also leafy sea dragons specifically and as an adult i love fish and plants and the colour green ok basics covered here we go

its a really tough one, especially since all my characters have huge parts of me in them (u point to one of my guys and there's a 99% chance they're queer and a 95% chance they're autistic), and the majority of my characters infect me with Their personalities and traits (speech mannerisms especially... i went about 3 years peppering the word gotcha into every other sentence bc of ollwyn. in terms of it being intentional, usually only one or two bits with each character. i try my best to give characters personality traits and interests that differ from my own, or at the very least mix and match bits and pieces.

sometimes i'll try and make characters that are so so different from me but then it backfires because it means that im far more likely to pick up that character's traits (i didn't swear at All in my whole life until i tried making a character outside my comfort zone who Did swear a lot and now fucking look at me). i also don't like doing my Research so going for interests that i don't know a lot about means i don't. know anything about them lmao.

i think it's impossible to have a character that isn't at least Somewhat like you, we draw from our own experiences and ways of seeing the world, after all. i know i put little pieces of myself into every character and it's hard to say if there's any One character that embodies me most.

almost none of my characters really look like me tho

all that being said i've narrowed down my entire list to three of note. all three are dnd or other ttrpg characters bc they're the ones that i find myself having to think most about in terms of how they Think and Feel in any given situation and over time would notice stuff about myself or about them that i didn't realise were related.

i think these days ollwyn wins out personality wise goofy, indignant, lonely, desperate for approval, and loud. they're stubborn and enthusiastic, needs to be centre of attention but doesn't want to take the lead. they don't have many friends but latch onto those they do make. i re-realised my rat dreams because of them. i made em a bard bc i was obsessed with music as an aesthetic.

i made em a half-elf because i didn't wanna be Too out there with character creation (back when i was a terrified lil new rp-er who hadn't touched dnd before and felt i hadn't Earned anything more interesting yet). then magic and stuff happened and they got all the over-the-top design elements i was too nervous to implement initially and even that feels representative of my Own growth in being more Out There with my aesthetics and personality (i.e. completely shutting off my social filter, not toning shit down so much anymore)

oh i know i said none of my characters really look like me but i almost never draw ollwyn with their mouth fully closed and i only realised like years later that it may have been just a mild lil projection of a habit. i got big front teeth and breathing issues and i find it uncomfortable to close my lips Most of the time lmao

my poor unfortunately named aasimar (it was 2018........ i promise...............) takes the cake when it comes to suffering the brunt of my neurodivergence and sensory issues, and represents a significant portion of the judgy parts of myself that i try not to let myself be. strong opinions, blunt, tone issues, big issues with food and touch. comes across as, and often is, very critical. the biggest difference between me and them is that they don't feel bad about those aspects of themself lol

where i spend every moment of my life either desperately concentrating on my wording so as not to come across as rude, or feeling shitty for coming across as blunt/aggressive in tone or phrasing (where 99% of the time i absolutely don't mean it that way im autistic pls im autistic if i wanna be able to get the Right words out the tone doesn't match and vice versa), corona just says what they want or what they think, and if people get offended, that's People's fault for not trying to make more of an effort to understand the way they talk.

sal is my Top Oc Of All Time and as such takes on a lot of random aspects of myself (skin picking, fidgeting, latent anxiety, All of the visual aesthetics i Wish i could pull off, my love of birds, my tendency to Mr Burns Posture my way through life. she's also very very australian), while also inflicting things on me lmao ive learned more about my gender from the years of playing her in her rp campaign than in the rest of my entire life. a lot of her experiences and dynamics with her friends and family reflect a lot of aspects of my own

i only want good things for her and constantly put her through fucking hell

anyway they're all So Much Weirder as people than I can really put on paper and in (relatively) different ways but i just know it all stems from the Who I Am of it all

bonus shout out to beki:

she was my homestuck fankid and first proper oc, which also meant that she was only about two steps away from a self insert. because i made her as a teenager, i feel the distance between us more each year, but im still very fond of her, in the same way i am for my teenage self. i wanna pat her head and tell her she's cool and not annoying and that her friends don't hate her and that things will be okay

i think it says a lot about me that all four of these guys fall somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum (almost in order of least to most aggressively aro/ace. ollwyn's a demiromantic greysexual, corona is demi + grey on both romantic & sexual orientations, sal's pretty much only interested in the One Guy Ever, and beki is sex repulsed, 100% aro/ace) lmao

[liquidstar]

alright! for the first of the little guys, we shall deploy the first designed. his whole powerset is built around energy. more specifically electricity, being able to conduct power into what equipment he had and getting some level of modification to handle the current that has become routine. while sure, arguably the strongest in a head to head fight, the one thing he cannot do is be quiet. his weapon of choice is a spear, built to interface with electric power and conduct it just as he does.

secondly, we have one who's... practically the opposite. a little guy who's speciality is information gathering, and thus has the power to make holes in things. not direct "door where there was before" but like, a hidey hole to observe in secret. or hide everyone else. while for the most part these are empty bubbles in a wall or floor, one of them works as a small room to relax in. his weapon is another spear, this time built for screwing into things, and all the damage getting a spear screwed in entails.

thirdly, the girl of the team, her power is that she's really... really fucking quiet. to the point its up in the air if she can make noise while talking. this is an immense benefit, for the role of an assassin she's taken to, and also sneaking up on the others because they're up at 3am again. her weapon of choice is a knife, specifically designed to cut bone without getting dull, makes it easier to not get caught.

and the final little guy... their ability is being autistically good at making things, no ifs or buts about it this NB is no fighter, but is responsible for everyone else's equipment. there's a joke about them being the ultimate blacksmith with how effective everything they touch is. while they don't have a "weapon" their workshop could function as it, again, nothing more to add than being designed purely for making things.

HIII ANON im back home now so i can get back to you. i hope you still see this even if im replying late!

i really really like the first ones power! control over energy is awesome and i love how that specifically manifests as electricity. the visual of having a spear as like a lightning rod for electricity powers is also just such a cool one. i did a similar thing w an oc a while back, w a split just for aesthetics. the Rule Of Cool. i think its a great power for THE fighter of the team to have too, it works really well as something strong and... well, flashy, for the one thats in the shadows the least. a super fitting power.

big fan of the holes power too, its so creative? it reminded me of this clip. this is hole guy to me. genuinely though its a really cool power and not one i wouldve thought of myself. i think this COULD totally have combative applications if he happened to be caught up in a fight, even though thats not his specialty. like using the holes to trip up or trap an opponent, though this would probably only work for so long. i like that he also shares a weapon type with energy guy, it like sets up a cool little parallel to contrast their powers. i dont know if theyre meant to be foils at all but it gives that sort of vibe! so maybe :p i can see it being a leader/lancer situation (even though this is not a 5 man band)

but yessss the girl of the team. upon reading her power i thought to myself that she and hole guy make a really good combo, based on powers alone at least (if their personalities clash, different story!). because theyre both basically types that work from the shadows. but her being an assassin gives her that extra edge- unlike him she's like, actually proactive. she's not passively listening and gathering intel she is getting out there and murderkilling. we love a girlboss for that. i think a knife is a super fitting weapon too because its both subtle (in a way that a large sword or loud gun isnt) and also, yeah, very deadly! especially when you say its MADE to cut through bone. thats hardcore i love her for that.

i love the final little guy though, im a huge fan of characters who are the designated gizmo makers lol. i always find that role interesting because its about supporting the others from the sidelines, similar to healers, but instead of helping them After they get hurt you have to help them.. Not get hurt. make the best things for them possible, and in order to do that you usually have to know them and their abilities very very well! How would they mess up? What do they need help with? How would this aid their abilities? Is it really a good idea to give a superweapon to this reckless jackass? All important questions this trope of character has to ask themselves. With all that in mind though, I'm assuming this Specific character created the weapons for all the others, since they seem very tailor made to them! Details like a spears MADE to conduct electricity, or screw into things, or a knife MADE to cut into bone... sounds like they did in fact MAKE them!

overall i can totally imagine all sorts of different ways these characters and their powers would interact with each other and i think theyre all really cool!!! of course a lot of my guesses might be way off, and i think thats okay because theres so many other cool directions to take them too. for that is the beauty of ocs, you get to steer the ship! <3

[oneaneonly]

i would say most things that plague them are avpd and bpd related, not dissociation. i feel like they are relatively “fine” but they do not ever feel happy nor okay and they dont really want to live, so if nothing happens theyre at Most content. just surviving, fine. the issues arrive when avpd or bpd stuff happens. i feel like the former is more … constant. and the latter less so, but a lot more fiery. well, actually its both. because its like theyll be criticised or corrected and then go away and not eat because they feel not worth it. or consider trying to die or whatever. or other things, i dont know. another issue for them is their ocd but only sometimes. its like most things are only sometimes

most things that they experience are like sleeping monsters. and then you stand by the monsters and they attack. the things that affect their life the most or at least the person they are, to me, is avpd, bpd, autism, and the dissociative amnesia. id say they agree

there are mini micro triggers and threats that cause big things. like, autism for them does not like a lot of loud sound. if they could live on their own they may be more stable, because there would be less sound. part of the reason they are the way they are is theyre permanently exasperated because the autism does not like that there are people in the house who make noise, and then theyre stuck. if they close doors, leave, wear headphones, etc everything has issues. whether it be others or theirself. they sleep in headphones (autism and ocd reasons) and they dont like to because they dont like how the headphones feel, so that isnt resting. plus its loud. so everything is still, for lack of a better word, “traumatising” for the autistic state of mind

that is a horrible and dangerous baseline threshold to be in especially with everything else because either that or everything else is immediately last straw. time and time again theyll see something upsetting, and then hear at the worst time the piano playing. now they are in hell, they cant cry if they wanted to because physically its slightly impossible and well they dont want to, they cant scream, they cant really do much to navigate this. and even if they tried to “regulate” the issues are still around. its like trying to calm down when the room is on fire. how. when the room is literally on fire

triggers often include being told how bad they are at things in any way, moralistic language in any capacity, hearing people talk shit about others, i dont know there are a lot of them. they have to wear their headphones to hear none of this, but then theyre overwhelmed. it seems like everythings an issue. and it feels like everyone reduces their feelings to the fact theyre autistic as an excuse to not aid them. like You dont get this because youre autistic. rather than considering that their own perspective may just be plain wrong to begin with

no one is willing to accomodate them when things get weird. any accomodation thats unconventional doesnt get respected the same or is just something to get over. if they say something about this then it doesnt matter or whatever else. i dont know anymore

theyll never want to live, they always live for other people so they dont grieve and because they beg, and i dont think thatll change. thats been their life for nearly eternity. though, it makes them fragile in some places. they always feel awful as a baseline, more or less, so bad things make them feel worse. i cant say this all easily right now. im sure i stopped making sense some paragraphs ago, but the point is i think dissociation is an affect. i think dissociation is the byproduct of the taxing life they life. they probably need an escape. not sure how they do it honestly. i feel like the things giving them the most grief are the pds, but sometimes other things happen. i dont know, everything seems to Start there. maybe autism sometimes. but i wont know until a crisis occurs. i can barely remember and they are tired. so. dont know

4 29 24

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[uwuowotf2waslife]

The mercs with an s/o who is on the autism spectrum? If you want to

 as a person with diagnosed autism( ASD that later changed to SCD but concidering my countrys lack of proper diagnosis and non-existant support when i was growing up, im not sure,it might was a result of chronic abuse or i was a really weird kid) its my duty to answer this ask,

always know that you are perfect with all your imperfections 

just because maybe your brain is wired different it doest make you less of a person

you are poetry

Scout

-my boy has adhd ( probably undiagnosed until he was examined by Medic) so you two might have a little problem at the begining.

-he might be the closest to a jack russel in human form, but he cares about you and is willing to sit down and do his research so he can understand you and your struggles. He isn’t a hypocrite, he is a hyperenergetic bundle of daddy issues and is sure he will annoy you from time to time, he annoys pretty much everyone except his mom on rare occasion, he is a hanfull and he knows that years now. But he also has come to understand that everyone has struggles and little things that make them more special than others.

-if you have problems with communication , he’ll be your mouth .Problems with sensory overstimulation? he will escort you to the safest place and hug you tighter than he thought hes capable of. People mistreating or bullying/insult you? the bat is in his hands and his ready to hit home runs on their balls. You might not be the perfect couple, you will struggle like every couple and have fights and arguments, but he is ready to phase every difficulty that comes on your way. He loves you and he is here for the ride even if its bumpy.

Soldier

-( I and i think a big part of the community claim he is actually autistic) Probably the most tricky of the mercs, since at one side he might completely relate/understand you and the relationship go smoother than soft butter on bread, or he might have problems communicating the relationship problems with you.

-as all relationships you two must sit down and communicate your problems. Believe me he isn’t mentally retarded ( a horrible misconsumption ive seen being thrown around), yes he is stubborn and can’t read social cues to save his life, but he is a loyal beefcake with a golden heart hardened by a lifitime of war. He knows he isn’t the perfect man, he has nightmares and panic attacks on the regualr after so much trauma in his life. But he also knows that if he S/O needs him, it doesnt matter if its a small or big thing, he is ready to go through hell and back to make them happier or more comfortable 

-you can’t stand loud noises? copy that privet, he will stop yelling/ screaming around you. Certain things make you uncomfortable/ anxious? hes at your side and he is ready to snap necks...you have his heart and his adoration, he ain’t a coward or a pansy, you’ll win over any challenge that comes your way like the absolute unit you are and he is there to assist

Pyro

-fresh from the start they can recognise you have autism, i lowkey think they might be ( actually in young adults asd and mild schizophrenia can be mixed and confused by not good qualified doctors, its been years since i read that study so correct me if im wrong) or have really good gut insticts. Either way, they know you are struggling and trie in subtle ways to help you

-did an important call without stuttering? hug and smooch on the crown of your head, completed all your work/homework? they will cover you in stickers and cuddle you in their pillowfort, stood up for yourself? my girl theyll make a huge cupcake tray and youll two will eat while watching sappy disney films

- you won’t struggle as much, i see them as more easy going than other members of the team. But they also have big issues that may create problems in the relationship that you both need  to work on. They are more than a handfull and they aren’t unaware of it, they spended years locked inside their own head doing god-knows how vile and harming things to their mentality and body, they can’t believe they are alive and they wake up every day next to the most beautifull human being they have come across their lif, ( Y/n). You will bond slow but strong , you are their sunshine and theyll make sure their sunshine shines no matter what they have to do

Engie

( lowkey i think is canon he has some form of high-functioning autism, just hide its behind the southern warm and soft hospitality)

- when you confess, he hugs you ( a big thing coming from him since i dont consider him a touchy fella)  and returns the confession that he is too. He knows each person experiences different so he won’t press you for explanations or description of what you have is excactly. He just assures whatever happens, he is there to help you with

- doesn’t really change how he views you, but he takes the initiative for things like talking to strangers, calling to order or things that you struggle with, but he doesnt baby you. You are an adult person and will be treated as that, even if sometimes he feels he needs to “help” or “protect” you

-one of the most  easy going of the mercs, but his work is his priority so there will be long arguments about it. He understands your frustation, but he is a workaholic years now before you came in his life and can’t bring himself to change that. His work is his routine, the only comfort he knows and the only place that accepted him for who he is. But, he will be more elastic and have more breaks/ days off even if it means the project will be finished an hour or two later, unless it has an urgent deadline. He knows he can be very cold and emotionless, he is an engineer, not a spy for that reason. Furthermore he has his own times when he is stubborns or has an anger explosion because something broke/didnt meet his expectations or got way too invested into something that turned to be worthless/ uselless so he isn’t the one to judge if you are in a sour mood or you have your own “ explosion”. After all said and done, late at night when you are both alonein his workshop he will just cradle you in his arms and make a silence promise to always be there for you through thin and thick ( as we say to go through 40 waves and 40 more ) because you are something that no machine or creation can emulate or recreate, you are ( Y/N) and you are the love of his life.

Demo

-arguably one of the three more knowledgable of the mercs in the topic of mental health department. Being raised in an orphanage i doubt he didnt had at least a dozen other kids who had from high to moderate to severe autism ( during the 20th century it wasnt uncommon for people with autism to be thought less human or that the family of said people couldn’t provide for them in severe cases so theyd be dropped on orphanages and psychiatric hospitals)., so he has some first hand experiene with what autism is. It isn’t something for him in all honesty, after so much trauma and hardship in his life he is at peace that peopleare different and their brains are rarely wired the same

-he also know he isn’t ideal, he acts really stupid when he is drunk and his alcohol consumption alone is a very big problem for any relationship he ever had in his life and i doubt he is the image of psychological perfection, but he also knows that if you are willing to keep him around you have seen him wasted out of his mind, he is more than willing to put up with anyof your quirks or difficulties.

-you want to stim? go ahead he’ll leave the room/the house so you can stim to your hearts content, you want to stay? sure thing lass, hell sit in a corner and drink a bit while you have your thing. Work/ school/ home life is stress full and you are in the verge of a breakdown? he has already wrapped you like a burrito and he is holding you while you cry/vent, you dont want to be touched at that moment? hell take you to an open field and you can blow things up to get all those feelings out of you. He isn’t ideal, he is at peace with that, but now that you appeared in his life, you became the apple of his eye. He’ll cherish you and protect you both as body but as a mind and a soul for whatever shit life throws at you, he was never one to back down a challenge.

Heavy

-due to the language barrier and his nature as a quiet man it’ll take him some time. If you bring it up he’ll simply nod and run to Medic or Spy for translation. He isn’t shy to do a doctors worth of research so he knows what he has to deal with, he knows his english is broken and would prefer to have a migraine over the amount of books hes read than make you feel uncomfortable. Probably will ask advice from Medic ( the most qualified on the team) untill hes satisfied he knows enough.

-probably the sanest of the mercs, but he isn’t perfection. He had to endure famine and death from very early in his life, always be the stone his family anchored on and most people on his life, so he has his own big problems. At one side he is used to so many things, he is somewhat indiferent. You aren’t harming anyone nor its life threatening, so it doesnt really change what he feels about you. All people have flaws, noones perfect and if they do think they are perfect, they are very, very wrong. I won’t lie to you, some times hell get confuse with your behavior or will get tired of being the “ anchor” of the relationship, but he will never admit it. He survived the Gulags and years in Siberia, this is nothing but a walk in the park for him. He isn’t a fuckboy, he doesn’t want you just for some fuck and then hell forget you exist, he is much more sentimental than he appears to be. He beginned this with you because he sees you more than a body, he sees you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with even if itll be a challenge, he was never a quiter and he wont be now.

- don’t expect much communication help from him, unless its in russian. But whenever you feel the tiniest bit of self-doubt or anxiety his arms are open to embrace and warm you with  his love. He might was raised among anarchy and war, but he is a gentle giant with a heart bigger than Russia herself. He knows you two will struggle especially on the communication domain but he is willing  to do what it takes to make your life easier/ less challenging. He came here to stay, only if you allow him 

Medic

-Arguably the most medically qualified of the mercs, but considering the era of his studies hes at least rusty on modern terminology and general understanding of what autism is. Nontheless his a doctor ( with or without a medical license) and i doubt he ever followed the rules of ethical and unethical medicine. He is a healer primeraly and he can’t claim to be the most mentaly stable of the team.

-he might be many things, he knows hes at least crazy by normal standards and has made extremely questionable choices in his life,but he cares for the people he is close to, lovers and collagues alike. He won’t try to ‘change’or ‘medicate’ you; unless you specifically ask him for, like yes he has defied any sort of ethical medicine and has played god many times in his life, but he knows that if he changes you, you won’t be ‘you’. You will be you still, but nothing more than a lobotomized version of yourself and he fears that. Let’s be real, he probably choosed you because you are a smart individual ( that includes both street and book smarts alike) so if he “killed” your smart he would essentially kill you and this doesnt sit well with him.

-feeling down? no worries, the doctor is here ( afterhe finis hes re-connecting snipers new kidneys). Stressed? Archimedes will be your own personal cheerleader and the rest of the flock won’t let you all stressed and alone while Medic is working. In the simplest of works,he wants you to know that  he might be a madman on the field and the medbay, but he is also your lover and that means he cares about you. He doesnt care if act a lil strange or you have some special things about you, guess what? he doesnt cares. H e never cared and he will never cared, all the greatest minds had something  special about them and you are no exception. He chosed to have a relationship with  you and you accepted the love request of a surgery-happy maniac , im sure he is beyond equiped to handle you in all aspects. He might not be the most touchy but he will make his point across that you are someone who means wayy to much for him to change

Sniper

- ( i highly think he is autistic, just the way hes potrayed in most fanfics he acts lowkey autistic, mostly in the communication and sociable part) growing up in the middle of nowhere probably he has never even heard ‘autism’ as a word , so his very lost. (another headcanon of mine is that he is also iliterate) You need to explain to him what autism is and how it affects your life. He has a non-pleasant expression on his face, because he realises most things that you say what that “autism”is and the thing it has are things he actually  has and felt throughout his life. He looks like hes having a religious expierience and when you are done he only nods and hugs you almost mechanically.

-he will need some time, not because ofyou, but because of him. You might think he is breaking up with, butin reality he just needs some time alone to sit down and think about all the things you said. Its one of the biggest revalations he has experienced on his life and it has hit him like a wall of bricks.

- after a few days he will return to the base and will ask you to meet with him on the most secluded of his snipers nest. While you prepare for the upcoming breakup, he actually showers and wears somet hing nice for the first time in a while. He goes out of his way to make the sniper nest a bit more “ comfortable” even bribe spy into giving him one of his fancy wines. Once you go up the nest and you two meet, he is the most clingy he has ever been and almost drinks the whole bottle out of pure anxiety. Once his tipsy enough he actually confesses that from the things you said, he found out hes also autistic. Que him basically clinging you like a broken koala baby while half-sobbing to expell all the tension he  has inside him. Please pet his hair and rub his back,he will melt and quit his rugged manly man persona for that moment. He needs you there, he needs your soft touch to ground him while his whole life comes crushing down and a weight he never imagined is being lifted from his shoulders.After that, its quaranteed you two won’t be seperated ever again, he needs you to ease all this pain he has gathered from his troubled life and he will provide you the world and the stars.

Spy

- he knows what autism is( as a spy he should know about human psychology/mental disorders just to know how to impersonate any person with or without issues) and he is a very observant man. He has above average attention span and knows how to read body language so he has figured you are autistic a long time ago. He is just waiting for you to open up about it or confess it, but he also knows the social stigma around autism so he keeps his mouth shut because he really doesn’t want you  to feel uncomfortable or ‘naked’ in front of him

- i heavily headcanon him to be at least depressed/having an ugly anxiety disorder or even a dissosiative disorder considering a big part of his life is carefully crafted theater , so he can’t say he is any more better than you.Furthermore he never really cared about what society thinks about mental ilnesses, whos here to judge who sane and not? he has seen so much shady things behind closed doors of “ pure” people he has lost all respect for what society thinks its normal and what is weird or not acceptable. Yes he follows the rules of “good” society but thats more of a habit than a need. Plus have you seen what the good ol’ society behind close doors? yap youll need a good bible study and some church to wash away the sins.

-eventually when you confess to him,he doesn’t really act. He knows its a heavyemotinal moment for you but he can’t open up for his own problems, at least now. But he will embrace you for now and say all the sweet words you need to hear...untill the same time he gets drunker than he can and confesses to you in french all his psychological troubles while he cries on your chest. He won’t let go unless he wants to vomit and he will cling to you for dear life while he experiences one of the ugliest meltdowns he has experienced in the last decade. Probably will wake up with a monster of a hangover, but once he feels you wrapped around him and feel your heartbeat on the bones of his back something will meltin him. He will gather whatever strenght he has, turn around, give you one of the most genuine smiles he has ever given in his entire life and peck your lips bore he starts whining and requiesting you to either kill him or fetch medic. Perhaps one day hell say all the things he wants to say in you mother tongoue but for now, just know he will cherish you and love you like the most exquisite poetry that has graced his life

[tumblunni]

Underrated good and amazing things of hanging out with a fellow autistic friend and her mum who supports her and isnt an abusive douche like mine:

* being allowed to take shoes off indoors

* not being forced to keep eye contact and keep constantly talking and being Interesting And Normal and such. But man i still kept babbling even tho i had nothing to talk about, im just so used to getting the 'you are weird' looks ir being excluded from the conversation entirely if i get quiet for too long

* being allowed to just be quiet and hang out together not talking! We had so much fun watching vids together quietly and like i was so blown away that she was okay with me watching the vid on my own while she did other stuff on her phone or in the other room. We did still watch together for all the parts she wanted to see my reaction for, bit i was just glad to know she was alright with that! I always have a blast just being in the same room as friends and we do our own thing but togetherly. I felt too nervous to do it myself tho, i kept picking up and putting down my ds even tho she was also playing a game. Im just so used to You Cant Play That Unless You Share and You Are Ignoring Me If You Multitask and the even more frustrating You Are Ignoring Me If You Dont Constantly Stare At Me

* not having to force myself to eat/drink stuff that gives me brain overload. But aaa i still did it cos im a dumb anxious and my brain was like 'she said its okay but its not really okay you must be embarassing her'. But she was okay with me gettibg a second drink to wash out my mouth from the Incorrect Type Of Boba that had the round chewy version of the beans. I dont know why it bugged me!!and i dont know why i was too anxious to just tell the cashier that i messed up my order and i meant the other ones. Anyway i figured out you can just swallow them whole withoyt chewing but that almost made me choke, lol

* MILK WITH ICE. MILK WITH ICE. IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO LIKES MILK WITH ICE. Im..friggin..allowed to ask for weird versions of things?? THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I was so bowled over when she suggested it cos its one of my big unusual faves that im usually too embarassed to even drink in the privacy of my own home. Even tho when milk gets warm its weird!!! Hot stuff or cold stuff but not lukewarm yo!! Also i like freezing milk in ice trays and putti g the milk ice in cola. I used to only be able to drink milk that way for a while.

* not getting mad when i scrunch up my feet or cross my legs on the sofa THEY ALSO DID THIS AAA IM ALLOWED TO DO IT

* being allowed to leave situations when im overwhelmed.i felt so bad that i was getting oveewhelmed in the really nice board games cafe, it was such a cool idea for a placw and it was so fun playing games with her but it was just too busy and loud. I felt like i was slowly dying from losing my ability to make interesting replies on this improv comedy card game or like even talk at all. And i kept being like 'sorry what' EVERY FIVE SECONDS and feeling so self concious ans just the table next to us had some kids who were squabbling with their dad and it made me a bit freaked out. Like it was just normal 'noooo dad the goblins should win' all in good fun bickering over their game but raised voices of kids and parents send my brain buzzing cos of my experiences yeah. Wish i could stop thatttt...

Oh and umm the board game cafe place was SO COOL and i wish there was something like that back home and also they had a gender neutral bathroom dungeon. Like for no reason it was down a long staircase and narrow corridor into a very cold almost soundproof doom room. I was SO GRATEFUL cos it was the perfect place to step away and calm down for a moment! But i felt bad i kept her waiting and then the guy in the taxi on the way back kept trying to make small talk with us and aaaaugh it was a bad time

And then SHE MADE ME HOMEMADE BURGERS and im fuckin crying why are you the best person in the goddamn universe also MILK ICE FANS UNITE

Ok im rllllllly tiredddddd

[thepictoblr]

Okay as someone who actually benefits from stim videos due to being neurodivergant I went from "maybe popularizing stimming is a good thing? It might open discussions about stimming and how natural it is for everyone and ND people can stim in peace" to "can neurotypicals fuck off" so here's a list of grievances with mostly instagram "~Oddly Satisfying~" culture but also youtube too because im tired.

-repost accounts are a fucking nightmare and are fucking up everyone's original content. Like bitch dont celebrate your 20,000 followers cause you know how to screen record and ask really generic questions in your video descriptions.

-said repost accounts also like speed up videos with already fast music so it sounds like some sort of hellish nightcore. I am not here for hellcore i am here to de-stress.

-also with that said stop fucking putting music on stim vids cause if i have to hear nightcore havana one more fucking time

-small slime shops are good i enjoy them but when you see multimillion unrelated companies trying to get off on slime making like fucking elmers making ~slime glue~ which is just coloured glue and selling it for 5 bucks its just like "wow i totally didnt see that coming :/"

-personal gripe but i hate Giant things like GIANT SLIME or WATCH ME EAT 10 GIANT CORN DOGS like ew gross no your content isnt any more ~satisfying~ than regular sized shit you've now spent like 10 bucks on glue to make your slime big and its gonna dry up in a week congrats. Idk maybe i just dont like big things but the trend of making everything huge seems to be less about sensory stimming and more about views.

-im a fool, all of this is for views. Fuck nd people, gotta appeal to the masses and clickbait thumbnail the FUCK out of this video.

-Stop Using Floral Foam You Are Going To Get A Lung Infection.

-the fact that NT people are on this boat with us but refuse to respect us is almost not at all suprising like a supposedly calm space for asmr and chill sensory times is filled with loud bullshit almost everywhere.

-on the flipside, abelists who hate stim stuff are now even more ready to be fucking awful to us because sensory and stimming is being more popularized in a trendy way.

-whenever there's a video like "i try asmr videos" and its 15 minutes of them going "lol i dont get it why do people like this shit :/" its like bitch this isnt for you move the fuck on im crabby and hate you loitering. Bonus points then they do a part 2 cause they were asked to do it and they still dont like it but want that sick ad revenue so....

-i would kill for atleast 1 fucking youtuber or instagram person to be autistic and aim their content towards autistic people like litterally please give me that.

-also fatphobia in the mukbang community is fucking rife it's not even fucking hidden, y'all love it with a thin girl eats some massive plate of noodles or lobster or whatever but god forbid a fat person do the same thing.

-search "stimming" into youtube and you get endless videos of explaining autistic behaviour, usually aimed at neurotypical parents. Seach "asmr" or "oddly satisfying" and you get actuam visual stim videos. Because nt people have forgotten why this shit started

[dinosourjimin-blog]

~Beautiful Minds~Spencer Reid~part 7

I walked into the Bau swiping my card against the cold metal and pushing the doors open "whats this I here about you and Doctor Reid??"Morgan said "What!-when!-who told you!?? garcia!-what!"I said He laughed "chillax,I won't tell anybody"Morgan said "a certain technical analysis is the first name on my hit list!"I said "You have a hit list?"He asked "I do now!"I said "You've got a crush on spencer!"he said "don't!- say it so loud.."I looked around he laughed "It's okay Babycakes Secret's safe with me,for now"Morgan said "what secret?"I heard a voice behind me "NOthi-" "Sarah has a crush on Reid"Morgan told Prentice I hit him in the shoulder "I knew it!"Prentiss said "knew what?"reid appeared "Nothing!?!"I said "nothin"Morgan said "nope.."prentiss said he furrowed his brows "goodmorning"I said he laughed I looked at morgan "I will crush you with my PhD Derrick Morgan"I said "exit stage,agent Morgan"he said "Yeah you better run!"I said throwig an eraser at him spencer laughed "what was that about?"spence said "agent Sarah.Grey.Rossi...honey where have you been all my life?!"I heard a familiar voice Reid and I turned "Deeds!?"I said "In the flesh"he said I gave him a hug "what the hell are you doing in Virginia!!"I said "came to see my favorite girl what else?"He said "Your a bad liar,Oh! this is my friend and co worker..Spencer Reid"I said Spencer waved akwardly but Deed's being Deeds...he had an alpha male personality,he Ignored Spencer "Im here to work a case,and to see you of course"Deed's said "flatterring"I said "Isn't it?"Deed's said "the conferance room is..back this way"I said he followed Reid and I to the confrence room "Detective Deeds how wonderful to see you"Hotch said "Deed's is the best they could do? really?"dad said I shrugged"It is Quantico"I said "Okay ten year old Sammy Sparks, comes to his elementary school covered in blood when the teachers contacted his parents they found they had been murdered "and the kid just walks to school casually??"Deeds said "Sammy's autistic"I said "getting him to tell us what happened won't be easy"emily said "It's do-able"I said "what are you a specialist in autism now?"Deeds said Morgan was about to say something "Ignore him"I said ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'll be damned...Your dad has a private jet?"Deed's said "Yep.."I said reading over the file Deeds sat beside me on the couch putting his arm around me "Oh dear this is gonna be a long case...what the hell are you doing"I said "reading"he said pulling the file into his lap "Great,have it,I've memorized it"I said standing up "so what are you gonna ask the kid? gonna do some sign language? or maybe just click your tounge a few times that might work"Deeds said "Your making me angry"I said "You should cuff him so he doesn't hit himself"he said the team looked over at him but he didn't notice "Im gonna hurt you"I said "you and what army?"he said tugging my brown hair 'playfully' I elbowed him in the mouth and he fell to the floor I put my knee on Deed's chest "listen up Detective Douchebag,i don't need an army,and I'll be damned if your going near that kid,Im not sure why Terrick would send YOU of all people but your knowledge and charachter traits are as deep as a kiddy pool Your dominant personality Is really about to Piss me off!!!Your nothing but a bully with a badge deeds! and one more thing!! don't.touch.Me.Got it! cause I will send your Arrogant,alpha male ass backpacking back to boston in T minus three!!"I said My father simply laughed "You get your temper from your mother"He said ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey Sammy"reid said softly as he entered the room awe "im doctor Spencer Reid...this Is agent Sarah Grey..we're looking for your aunt and your uncle.."spencer said sitting on the coffee table he had a notebook with a variety of 'L's everywhere "did 'L' take them??"Spencer said he said nothing the sheriff touched Sammy's shoulder,he screamed and started rocking back and forth "autistc children don't like to be touched"Spencer said Sammy started drawing L in mid air "I think he's trying to tell us something"Spencer said "most autistic chilren have special things like toys and books...Im gonna go to the crime scene to see if I can find it,maybe he'll feel more comfortable"I said Reid nodded "oh,and whatever Detective ass wipe says to you...just ignore him he's a shallow insecure bully"I said "i know,It was actually funny when you layed him out on the plane"he laughed i smiled ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a piano in Sammy's house...I found his favorite toy and something intresting...It was a flip book full of..sammy's life? at a certain time each day sammy would be somewhere..either at his parents store,playing the piano,at school..or somewhere else like the park at first i thought nothing of it but then it hit me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Look!"I said putting the flipbook on the table "a..childs flip book?"Deeds said "How are you still alive!!?-Sammy looks at this book every single day he see's his life in a constant pattern! this is his language!"I said "the text analyst can unscrabble autistic ten year old too,you never cease to impress"Deed's said "Shh!"I said pulling out sammy's notebook...I looked at the photos carefully "Reid what color socks are you wearing today?"I said "anchors and fish"He said dorkably GOD YOUR SO CUTE SPENCER FUCKING REID "This one!-It's reid's sock! and thats?? thats morgan's boot treds"I said "whats the L?"Hotch said "It's not an L,Its a time...Sammy has a strict schedule,he goes certain places at certain times! Its three o'clock!"I said "your extremely...confusing"Deeds said "dammit Deeds! the store!! go to the store and look at the security footage from three o'clock thursday evening!"I said ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The unsubs name was Todd harshly,he was on the verge of losing his house and killed the family for their money ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "h-hey sarah?? do you-...have a minute?"Reid said "I can make one for my favorite doctor"I said turning in my desk chair "i-uhm....there's a-...a meteaor shower tonight-...and- well i thought-...It might be intresting"He said I wasn't following but he was so friggin cute "d-do you wanna...wanna watch it-...with me?"He said I smiled brightly "I would love to"I said he smiled "great! great! follow me!"He said he led me to the roof of the Bau...to the very edge "sit"he said "What if I fall!"I said "Im not gonna let you fall Sarah I promise"he said extending his hand I touched Reids hand and it felt like a fire started in my gut... I put my legs one by one over the ledge and sat close to Reid,Who still held my hand "you have pretty hands.."I said observantly "Thank you.."he said I laughed "most people would say you had pretty-eyes or-Lips..or your hair looked nice-But-well I suppose thats nice about you to-i mean really there's nothihg wrong with your appearrence your just-just reid-pretty-Or-wait?that-what...and i-Like that about you??-what the hell am i saying"I said in a big rambeling cluster "I think you called me Pretty?"specer said "No!? what??-I-i did? did I??"I said " I think you did"He said "I-Im-...Im sorry it j-just sort of-came out i- didn't mean to make you uncomfortable-Im sorry.."I said "Im not uncomfortable at all.."reid said "Your-..not?"I said "no...I mean-...If it where up to me I would sit on this roof everynight if it meant you would hold my hand.."spencer said "Why me..there's other..Less damaged-wierd socially akward,prettier girls out there other than me,Im sure any of them would hold your hand"I said "Your not pretty...your artwork Sarah, every thing about you is created to be breath takingly gorgeous..and-...here lately I can't focus on anything when your in the room,and I love it when you talk because it gives me a reason to stare at you...your-smart and...kind and...I remember you telling me to find someone to hang onto so...so if you'll let me...I want to hang onto you...just like this...because-I-I really Like you..Sarah??and It's not some psychological thing t-that a doctor can cure It's something i don't understand,My chest feels tight when I hear your voice and when you laugh it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard-when your standing next to me i can't move,i get butterflies in my stomach and when im around you my headaches aren't so bad...and with several months of teasing,and convincing from morgan and Garcia..I like you"he said "nobody's really ever said anything like that to me before...I like you too...and I have for a while.."I said "c-can i-can I try something.."He said "Yes"I piped "close your eyes"he said I closed my eyes I felt a warm sensation on my lips and-holyshitimkissingspencerfuckingreidicantbreathsomeonecallhelpcallmydadcallthepopecallsomedamnbodyamidreaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gasped when he pulled away "w-what was that"I said "My first kiss?"Spencer said "what?!"I said "what!? whats wrong?"spencer said I kissed him again "Nothing! absolutley nothing!"I said he smiled i looked out to the sky "hey sarah..."he said "hmm?"I said "i think we missed the meteaor shower.."He said

[moiraineswife]

IM GOING TO KEEP POKING YOU ABOUT AUTISTIC NESTA BC THOSE HEADCANONS WERE A M A Z I N G AND IM OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!! Can you talk about autistic Nesta in the context of nessian though please bc I would love to hear your thoughts!!

Of course I can, friend! ^_^ This will be a weird blend of like...meta and headcanons it’s just a little stream of thoughts, basically? 

Okay first thing that I love especially in the context of this is the differences, socially, between Cassian and Nesta? (And also the ironies that come with this and how they were raised but I’ll get to that in a second.) I just..Love the gender role reversal for a start? 

Women tend to be the ones who are expected to have more social skills and be good at performing emotional labour in relationships. Men are typically allowed more leeway and it’s expected that they won’t be as good at reading other people and are generally seen as less compassionate and what have you. 

This, very obviously, gets flipped on its head when it comes to Nessian. Nesta is uncomfortable in social situations, prefers to be on her own, and when she is around people she can come off as a little...acerbic, sometimes. Like she loves them but dear god she does not have the patience to be around them all the time. Cassian on the other hand, is the picture of social intelligence. He’s described repeatedly as being deeply compassionate and it’s also made clear that he’s excellent at reading and understanding people and knowing how to respond to them. 

The ironies associated with this is that revolve around how they grew up. Think about it. Cassian, who’s so deeply connected to and good with people, grew up alone as an abandoned bastard. He was trained as a soldier and rose to be an army commander, all while having this huge heart and amount of social intelligence that means he’s more naturally suited to solving problems with his head rather than his fists. 

Then there’s Nesta, an autistic who probably wasn’t diagnosed as such in the human world (if they have a concept of autism in this world (let’s say they do)) But Nesta is a girl, and she’s a noble-born girl too, whose mother loved the parties and social life that being of this class afforded her. Nesta is expected to carry that on and be good at it as well and I can just imagine her struggling with it? The parties are too loud and too crowded and there are too many people and it honestly doesn’t matter how many lessons her mother gives her on social politics and etiquette; somehow she always, always manages to do something wrong. And she never understands exactly why or how it’s wrong. Just that when she tries to join in on the conversation everything goes quite. People give her that look. And her mother is standing staring on in disappointment from the corners. 

Multiply this over the course of several years and then introduce a sister like Elain, who is so obviously better at this than her, who gets praise from her mother and from all of her friends while Nesta is shunted to the side and I’m not surprised she gave up and started thinking of them all as ‘sycophantic fools’ instead. Nesta got fed up trying because no matter what she did it was never quite right, and never ever good enough, so she stopped.

 She stopped trying to be like them and she just started being herself instead. People still sometimes fell into awkward silences when she spoke but now she wasn’t disheartened by it, she’d expected it. She still pushed people away but she didn’t sit up late at night crying herself to sleep about it anymore. This was just the way that she was. This was just who she was. She wasn’t her mother, and she wasn’t Elain, either, even if she loved them both dearly. She was herself. And if they didn’t like that, well, she didn’t much like them, either, what did she care? 

And then Cassian and Nesta meet one another and it’s like two sides of the same coin being allowed to face and see each other for the first time. Cassian comes up against someone that he can’t always read, someone who operates a little differently to how he’s used to, someone who confuses him, keeps him guessing, someone he doesn’t automatically know everything about. A challenge. 

And Nesta...Nesta finds someone who actually tries. She finds someone who sees the surface her, that cold, withdrawn, acerbic air she somehow can’t help but project whenever she’s around people (and has long since stopped trying to help it - Elain accepts her for who she is, everyone else can too) but sees her too. He sees beneath to the raging heart, the torrent of fierce emotions they all accuse her of not having.

 She’s heard them whispering in the village, heard them call her heartless and unfeeling and they don’t understand. None of them understand just how deeply she feels, just how strong her heart is. And she tells herself that it’s their loss, their fault they’ll never truly know, never truly benefit from all the fierce love she has to give...But it does get lonely. 

Then he comes along and he sees her. He sees that fierce heart and those raging emotions and he understands. He’s so unlike her, in fact it’s probably difficult to find someone less like her than Cassian. Yet he understands her. 

For all their differences in how they see and interact with the world, though, they respond to it incredibly similarly. Cassian and Nesta have...A lot of the same motives and ideals and goals, actually. They stem from very different places and very different people but they are the same. 

That determination. That ability to sacrifice and destroy yourself for someone that you love. The way that Nesta would have died fighting Tamlin for Elain. The way that Cassian spreads his wings in front of Az to protect him from the king’s magic. The way that Nesta declares herself emissary to the human world because they are the forgotten, the group no-one cares about or seeks to help. But she will. The way Cassian stands before Nesta and swears to defend the humans with her, because dying to save those who cannot protect themselves is a worthy end for him. The way Nesta shields Cassian’s body with her own; as he had done for his brother all those months ago. The way Cassian sets himself up to die so that others will live. 

They are such different people but their hearts are alike and in spite of everything they understand each other. 

So I love that aspect of this dynamic, but I also love the fact that Cassian accepts and loves Nesta for who she is. Without expecting or wanting her to change, in a way that I don’t think anyone save Elain has ever truly done. (I’ve argued before but I’ll say it again, Elain also has a lot of social intelligence, like Cassian. She also grew up with Nesta and I think that she sees and understands her in a similar way to Cassian and this is one of the reasons that the two sisters are so close - that understanding) 

Cassian’s acceptance of Nesta is really important to me because I think it’s so easy to see a character like her and expect her to change. Expect her to soften herself so that she can more easily navigate the world. Expect her to thaw herself and become warmer and friendlier and more open because this is what’s expected of someone of her gender and class. Expect her to fit the moulds that she never has fit and likely never will, but it’s expected that she’ll shatter some intrinsic part of herself to do so. And in the context of this hc it’s even more important to me that Nesta is never forced to do that, is never forced to change, and is allowed to utterly be herself...and still be loved and worthy of love and a mate and a support circle in spite of all that. Because she doesn’t conform to society’s expectations, because she can’t conform to them. And that doesn’t matter. She is not broken, she does not need to be ‘fixed’, she only needs to be accepted. 

Okay, okay, last thing on this post (which got really long and out of hand, I have other autistic!Nesta/Nessian hcs on another post that someone asked for, smaller and less meta-y ones, so I’ll just post that as it is instead of forcing them in here) but one thing I really love in the context of this hc is, once they’re together, Cassian sort of...helping Nesta understand and navigate the social world around them. 

So Nesta talking to someone and saying something and the conversation ends a little abruptly and she can lean into Cass and ask him if that was okay or- Did she fuck up? How did she fuck up? And Cassian can either gently explain the social rules that have escaped her all her life if need be, or he can reassure her that no, she did good, that was fine, they’re just a prick. 

Or Cass can do what Feyre did for her at the dinner, and reassure her that people aren’t trying to hurt her all the time, sometimes they’re just teasing but they really do mean well. (But also Cassian having quiet words and asking people to stop that if it continues to bother her) and him like...Interpreting other people for her because jfc they’re exhausting, she has no idea what’s going on at all, she is Tired. 

Cassian understanding when Nesta can’t face the idea of a party or a big social gathering, even with his help, so they just stay in that night and snuggle and be together.  

Nesta using the mating bond between them to start learning Cassian’s tells. Because she can learn how to read people’s body language it’s just...like learning any other language because it’s not intrinsic or instinctive. So she can feel through the bond what he’s feeling and thinking, and start to learn how he looks when he’s angry or agitated or upset. Even if Cass tries to hide them from her, then...She knows. 

Cassian just...Helping Nesta to navigate the tangled minefield that is social interaction and working with her and supporting her instead of just sighing at her. Understanding that there are some things she genuinely can’t do because she processes the world differently to him and her brain is just wired differently.

Cassian being completely and utterly fascinated by this and wanting to learn all about it and exactly how it’s different and exactly what he should do to help and Nesta being...Shocked. Because people either turn their noses up at her and assume she’s trying to be rude or difficult, or they just try and beat the same lessons into her over and over again but Cass just...Okay but how do we make things work for you and how can I change a little to better accommodate you for a change and Nesta just...Being really, really touched that he’d do this for her.

Nesta growing more confident in herself and far, far less insecure around other people. She opens up a little more because she can be herself and be accepted and wanted for that. She doesn’t have to choose any more between being who she is, and keeping people around her. She can have both. Cassian helping her and supporting her into reaching that conclusion and refusing to allow her to expect any less from people just because of the way that she is. Cassian never, ever expecting Nesta to change herself this way because then, well, she really wouldn’t be Nesta. This is a part of who she is and he helps encourage her and others to accept that about her. 

[podcastmecaptain]

the stim bin

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today as well all three aforementioned dorks are neurodivergent folks writing about neurodivergent folks.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

attention: all contents incredibly neurodivergent

everyone shares those fidget cubes

collectively they have like five

in so many colors

esther also designs a giant version that’s like. the size of a KEYBOARD and with lots more options and Bigger

jack builds it

they call it the stimboard deluxe

anthony has nintendo

sally brings him all her childhood games and watches him hyperfocus

sally and anthony were the first autistic friend each other had and they love sharing weird stuff from their childhoods that nobody else liked

they have a lot of overlap of interests and they spent so long without anyone like them who really got them

and they both feel so safe and loved not only with each other but with the whole gang because everyone’s neurodiv af even if they’re not sure in exactly what way

anthony brings notes everywhere

scribble scribble

Doing The Right Thing, Doing Science For Good is sort of his ruling philosophy

a lot of times it’s really easy to lead him down the wrong path if he thinks it’s Science For Good

he has some problems with gullibility

the pressure stimming is too real

PRESSURE! STIM! HUGS!

Big Coats or Lab Coats

fiddling with his glasses

he’s bad at artistic/creative things and just doesn’t get it. he can follow a pattern tho,

polish patterns work for him, especially with tape. he likes taking care of his nails because he’s v tactile, he likes the smooth feeling of the polish and likes tapping his nails

he either gets really anxious or angry about Bad things

breakdowns, breaking things, and weirdly quick recoveries

he could hug people for hours

he usually does if he’s had a panic attack, but other than that acts like he’s fine

canon says sally eats weird and has a disturbing appetite so like,

sally separating EVERY SINGLE FOOD by group and flavor and texture and then like putting one piece of one in her mouth at a time and keeps TALKING CAUSE SHE’S A DORK

other options:

SHREDS EVERYTHING AND EATS IT WITH A STRAW

eats only EXACTLY one quarter of anything at a time and forgets the rest

uses her hands for THINGS SHE SHOULD NOT

burnt things

she love the Cronch

puts things together that should not even touch

jack cries the day he sees her dip pickles in whipped cream and shove a fistful of blue cheese blissfully into her mouth immediately after that

sally’s special interests:

electronics, gadgets, tinkering, SCIENCE, beginning quantum physics, computers

stims by tinkering and uses voice recordings for vocal stims, plays with her hair and bites her nails, spinning, dancing, tapping tools

hands on everything

the dancing is so bad and uses her full body (it’s actually so cute)

is a bad driver bc she either hyperfocuses on the road or she starts TALKING and gets lost in anything BUT driving

sally wears her lab coat everywhere

she plays with the seams, runs the fabric between her fingers, tugs on the corners of it to create pressure on her shoulders

sometimes she spins in a circle just to let the fabric flap behind her like a cape

tags on clothing are EVIL

she takes them out with a seam ripper till there’s no traces

sallys clothes are always a little large and odd bc if they’re not comfy she Dies

no really she’ll end up in a ball somewhere crying because of sensory grossness

she has serious sensory processing issues

sometimes it’s really a Drag but she loves fiddling with things so much and it feels so good and she wouldn’t give it up for the world

she has a watch that sometimes she’ll make clicking noises along with the tick tick tick tick

lots more under the readmore!

sally is the queen of weighted blankets

she always has one readily accessible in case she needs to wrap up in it

the gang Knows this and they’re always asking her to borrow one

like one time esther texts sally like “help me im having sensory issues and i need hugs”

and sally turns up with not one but TWO heavy blankets

(she may have fallen over once or twice trying to carry both of them)

(just these two lil scurrying feet on skinny legs goin patpatpatpat supporting this huge bundle of extra-weighted bedding floating down the hall)

she wraps esther in them and then squeezes her, too

for good measure, sally gets up on her tippie toes and rests her chin on esther’s head

esther, muffled: “i am a burrito now”

sally: “a precious tiny gay burrito”

or, estherrito

bridget puts her in her phone contacts as ‘ettie burrito’

and sally in turn puts her in hers as ‘questherdilla’

also oh my god when will she Stop doing fingerguns with accompanying tongue clicks

sally talks to herself

she has a little wee tape recorder named Diane because Diane

its covered in stickers

she likes to record what she’s doing to organize herself and calm down

and she’ll replay them to process things

sometimes her friends will leave happy messages on there for her

or helen will sing her a little ditty

helen is the world’s best audio stim

her voice is just really soothing

she’ll sing absently and everyone just operates more smoothly for that minute

she likes singing for herself too

humming and tapping her instrument is a soothing habit

helen is very audio/vocal

she likes to play the same song over and over again

bridget has some issues with self image

she also has obsessive tendencies, sometimes related to organization and labeling things

but also related to literature and only being able to talk about whatever she’s into

sometimes it’s easier to quote things from her favorite books instead of replying in her own words

she doesn’t like things that are uneven or unbalanced

objects OR concepts that are unfair or unequal

(except her hair. her hair is badass and she’s okay with that kind of disunity)

esther’s adhd and her big stims are

high heel clicks on the floor when she walks

fancy & feminine clothes that make her feel secure

the ritual of putting on her makeup

pencils (tapping or twirling)

HER RINGS, she has three and she spins spins spins

she likes to rub the shaved side of bridget’s head

and run her fingers through the hair on the other side

she ALWAYS has her father’s old deck of cards with her, she’s shuffled them so many times they’re completely worn down, and no one is allowed to touch them but her

they’re very soft, she has a new pack as well for crisper sound/feeling and everyday use

sometimes she uses card games as lens to make sense of the world

she has a rough time with communication and a rough time with empathy but she’s trying to work on both of those

both come easier with people she’s close to and bridget is helping her some too

it’s easy for her to hyperfocus in class and doing homework, so it took them a while to diagnose her

out of all of them, esther is the best at reminding people to be organized and do self-care (tho she doesn’t always take care of herself)

she spends a lot of her time in her own head, she really values alone time, and she needs to recharge after she spends time around people

even people she loves

jack’s also adhd, had been diagnosed for a while and has almost all of the opposite symptoms as esther (which is another one of the reasons it took them so long to figure out esther)

jack always works better after he moves, if he runs a little or bounces a ball around or is shaking his legs, rocking on his heels

he makes lots of rolling rrr sounds and blows his lips when he’s frustrated

the pencil chewing ended in splinters and the pen chewing ended in ink all over so now he has a little necklace with a chewable shark

the sharks name is Fredrico

his binder is actually kinda helpful because it’s pressure

he screws and unscrews things a lot

actually taking apart and putting back together all machinery is a Big Thing

june is dyslexic

she has cute tinted glasses to help her with studying

sometimes helen reads stuff out loud for her, she doesn’t mind but june hates to ask

for her birthday quentin bought her a five sided highlighter to color code different things

she has some emotional processing issues

it’s easier to feel angry than anything else

& her methods of dealing with anger aren’t super healthy either

quentin is the only one who actually can manage himself

Quentin is a Hydrated Boy

(he has great skin)

quentin always comes across as super chill but that’s actually because he has hella anxiety and works really hard to manage it

penny is autistic and if june and helen are the dad and mom friends and esther is the gay cousin

then sally and anthony are the autistic aunt and uncle who adopt penny as their niece

they can spot one of their own from a mile off and just decided We Gonna Take Her Under Our Big Fluffy Damn Wings

penny is the Flappiest Autistic

big happy arm flaps, upset little hand flaps, her fast excited flaps are literally the best and most joyous thing

she’s always been kinda embarrassed and insecure about it but jack is so supportive

he’s only a moderate flapper but he often flaps with her when she does it

and he calls her his butterfly

this melts her heart and makes her feel happy and not weird and when this happens she is prone to flapping even harder

she calls him her moth

they’re precious fluttery darlings

sometimes when they both get going, sally joins in too and they all spin around the room fluttering in a big flappy tornado

it’s Good 

[tumblunni]

Man i cant stop thinking about that ‘tappy talk’ app post now... I know I’m able to talk but still I feel like using something like that would be incredibly helpful to me. I dunno if this is common to all autistic people but I kinda think in pictures and have to like.. translate my thoughts into english before I write them down? Its why i have a lot of trouble being coherant when I speak out loud as opposed to writing, its hard to mentally edit stuff without like... pausing for ages and getting stressed out that everyone thinks you’re dumb. And man like I dont even get the idea of an ‘inner voice’, the only ‘inner voice’ I have is how I sorta read my own dialogue out loud in my head to try and understand what i just said and convert it back to proper thoughts, to make sure I ‘translated’ correctly. I dont hear my own voice in my head unless I’m actually speaking or writing to somebody else. And god its just SO HARD sometimes to remember what the words are for a concept, or untangle a big abstract picture or emotion or sound or smell into a word that can explain it... But the problem is really that if I actually tried communicating with pictures then it’d be intuitive to *ME* but I dont think anyone else would understand it! It’d be like a code they’d have to puzzle out, and I guess at least they’d understand how english looks to me, lol. God, the idea of learning a second language is so impossible when ive spent my entire life ravenously reading and writing 90% of every day forever and I STILL stumble over speaking english! And dont even get me started on SPELLING and READING CURSIVE, gahhhhhh! I think maybe its even why I get attatched to characters that talk uniquely in videogames or books, cos i spend more time decoding their english and thus i focus more on them than the others? And pulling off a joke that relies on uncommon grammar rules is like MAGIC to me, I laugh SO MUCH when I finally get it, even if its something ridiculously minor like an egotistical character trying to hide their greedy plots through silly euphemisms. or, at least, thats the best excuse I have for why evil characters talking uniquely is even better? maybe just cos evil characters are more likely to have smart sassy jokes. And its SO FUN to try and write fanfics for them cos I have an excuse to practise learning to write in that unique speech style, which helps me figure out the rules and learn stuff that can improve my comprehension of regular english too! And GAHHH this is also why I love drawing but why its so easy for me to get demotivated and unconfident with drawing. I have very vivid pictures in my head of what I want to make, and then i get way too worked up when i lack the skill to recreate it on paper. And I suck at putting it in words so I can find reference images or tutorials. And it especially sucks when im trying to express an emotion that I cant express in words, cos i also suck at reading people’s faces thus i suck at DRAWING them! But maybe thats encouragement to be more creative, cos I like to find ways to express emotion through metaphor and actions rather than faces. Maybe its why i ended up gravitating towards games instead of comics? You can express so much through animation or through the choices you give a player! its a way to make someone get inside my head and finally hear the stuff I suck at saying!! also im sorry i always make super long posts, i think this is part of it too I suck at explaining what im trying to say, and i overcompensate by overexplaining, and my grasp of writing is bad so i cant tell when ive said the same thing twice with synonyms or if my grammar is hard to read GAHHHH basically i am just SORRY and also the guy who made that app is amazing and i hope it helps a lot of kids live happier lives and i think it could be very useful for people with anxiety problems or other cognitive difficulties even if they arent completely nonverbal it might be cool if it could expand into a full series of different variations geared towards different disabilities, maybe with some sort of customizeable functions to help crowdsource suggestions to add to the dictionary? (or just to customize it because not all pictures are universally understood the same in all cultures) MANNNN it makes me think so much about how powerful games can be in helping people with disabilities!! so many stuff on my dashboard all about this!! im so proud of indie developers using their power for good and just seriously i wish i could try this app, cos just seeing how it translates pictures to words might be able to help me learn better at some of the pitfalls i still have in grasping the english language even after 24 years of speaking it. And man if there was some sort of app that could teach me all the spelling variations that’d be awesome too, there’s a huge gap in my vocab where I can grasp a lot of unusual pronounciations and then it IMMEDIATELY stops as soon as we get to the stuff that wasnt given to us as a game or worksheet in school. and lol i can remember the grammar rules for the extra letters of the welsh alphabet even though i cant speak any more words of welsh and its totally useless in english! You’d think that “dydd is pronounced deeve” would be more difficult than figuring out if its thier or their! (I STILL CANNOT GET THAT RIGHT) (...also when im supposed to put the apostrophe in its) ... ANYWAY SORRY LONG POST