#i know i was on holiday but god

[alasarys]

A nice lunch with a nice bottle of Ric Red. Nice.

[mastersoftheair]

from appletv's instagram story

[kedreeva]

Sark took me to the Otherworld art installation in Columbus, OH today, and I gotta say, it was awesome actually!

You can touch absolutely everything, take pictures (no flash) of anything you want. There were a few dozen rooms with various themes, all of them with interactive mechanics, and half of them had puzzles as well. This is what I think people expected that Willy Wonka disaster of an event would be, or something similar anyway, but Otherworld actually delivered really well!!

You get your wristband at the door and then you can take one of several entrances, but all the rooms are interconnected so it doesn't matter which. If no one's told you, you don't necessarily realize there's going to be puzzles, but I realized something was up by the end of our first room, and figured out what it was by the end of the second room, so it's very easy to catch on to, I think.

If you can solve the right puzzles, you can activate the end mechanic for a light and music show! Unlike an escape room, you're not locked in, you can leave at any time, but it very much had escape room vibes. I had a TON of fun figuring out what we needed to do, and watching other people try to figure out what to do.

There was one group of kids (young teens it looked like), who were trying to figure out one of the puzzles and after watching them for a bit, we offered to give them a clue since it was one we solved already. They were so excited to find out it actually WAS a puzzle with an answer. I just pointed out one of the panels to watch and let them go from there and they solved it with a lot of yelling. I hope that they continued solving the rest of the puzzles- we went in the opposite direction, because of the yelling.

In fact, all the kids we saw were having a blast. There were also plenty of adults wandering about. Because of the way tickets are sold by time slots, it should not ever get super crowded, and there were hand sanitizing stations all over, and staff lurking to clean stuff and assist as needed if someone struggled with a puzzle. They were happy to tell you whatever you wanted at the entrances and exits, so you never had to stay stuck if you didn't want to. They've also named the creatures you see.

There was also a Rick Roll in one of the rooms, which was hilarious.

Anyway, super fun experience. If you have the ability to make it out that way, consider checking it out!

[theloveinc]

Forcing bf toya to call natsuo (and fuyumi and Shoto, even) once a month bc u know he loves him but would never dial the number on his own🥺🥺😢😢

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 18

PREVIOUS

Weirdly enough the only thing that FF can think of as they head down the stairs is the first Saw movie.

That one happened IN a bathroom right? He kind of watched all of them in a row to prepare himself for whatever Andrew might decide to do to him. But he’s near positive that one happened in a bathroom. It was derelict and he didn’t think it really had running water (or did it? Didn’t the guy wake up in a half-full tub? His memory is hazy in his bathroom related desperation and may be trying to protect him from thinking about water).

All leading to the main thought going through his head as he slowly headed down the narrow stairway to his death.

Would Andrew let him use the facilities before he’s handcuffed to a pipe?

The worst part about all of this is that he is not sure if he needs to take a dump or if he just needs to fart, he knows he has to take a piss. He’s read that when you die your body will relax and it’ll all just flow out of you and Nicky gave him these pants so he feels bad but he also does not want to face his death without pants. If he needs to take a shit then they’re definitely going to be absolutely ruined, if it’s a fart well…Andrew can’t kill him any further? He can mutilate his corpse a little but FF won’t be around to experience it.

No matter what he’s definitely going to piss himself. He had way too much water at Sweeties trying to consume the spicy ice cream.

You may be wondering why FF has not run away from his predicament and is walking down these steps without protest or comment or plea for his life.

First of all he is pretty sure that if he makes any sudden movements he will ruin these pants that Nicky bought for him. Second of all Andrew had already told him once that he wouldn’t accept any pleading for mercy he still remembers how he asked Andrew, “Please give me back my pen?” and Andrew had shot him a look that had his stomach cramp and his fingers itch for the bottle sweet pink relief in his backpack.

“I don’t like that word, don’t use it around me.” He said.

FF ever the pragmatic sort, “Which one?” He had asked because he had said a few, “I don’t want there to be a misunderstanding.” He followed up with when Andrew glowered at him only for the glare’s intensity to increase 10 fold.

“Don’t use the first word of your first statement or the last word of your second.” Andrew grit out and got up to leave without a word.

Message received loud and clear Andrew did NOT like words ‘Please’ or ‘Misunderstanding’.

So FF knows that any pleading for mercy would ABSOLUTELY result in Andrew not letting him take a bathroom break before him and Captain Neil make destroying him into a couple activity. The fact that Captain Neil is here is a bit of a shock but maybe Captain Neil has finally gotten the other Freshman Dealer up to snuff.

Maybe Kevin really did want to dissect him to figure out how Strikers keep passing straight to him?

They reach the door at the bottom of the stairs.

Ah, time to face the music.

At least he’d texted Gran that he was going to die when they had gotten into the club and the bathroom had not made itself readily apparent. Sure it was about his current ‘gotta piss / gotta shit’ situation but he’d been wise to keep his cause of death vague in that text.

The door opens and…

This is the NICEST torture chamber FF has EVER seen. (And after his desperation watch of all the Saw movies he has seen quite a FEW)

“Minyard, Josten, and Guest. Table 6 is yours.” A voice comes from the side and when he looks over there’s a man in quite a nice uniform standing behind a soft-lit bar polishing a glass looking every bit like a bar tender at those high-end places you see in movies. He looks around a bit more and there are some other people down here. It’s not quiet per se but it is a comfortable level of noise in comparison to the IQ dropping noise upstairs.

“C’mon Smith.” Andrew juts his chin towards a table in the back.

FF follows but continues to try and fit this nice little room into his world view.

Do these people watch other people get tortured to death for fun on a Friday night? Unlikely considering the upholstery on the booths and chairs looked like it’d stain if blood got on it. Was this perhaps a trafficking location where Andrew would sell off his organs to the highest bidder? He looked at the other patrons who seemed a bit higher class than the general club scene upstairs but not like they had the money to buy one of his kidneys. Maybe-

“Do not tell Nicky about this place, ever.” Andrew says as they slide into the booth. FF nods but can’t help but tilt his head slightly in an unspoken question, “He would absolutely tell any and everyone about it. Eden’s wants to keep this place a secret from the general public.” Andrew explains.

“Nicky currently thinks that there’s a straight swingers club down here.” Captain Neil says with a huff of laughter.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.” Floats through his head again.

What the fuck was a swinger?

His fingers itch for his phone but he’s currently talking with Andrew and Captain Neil so that’d be rude but they’re talking to him like he absolutely knows what a swinger is and he DOES NOT.

“It’s quieter down here. Figured you’d prefer it.” Andrew says as he gets up and heads towards the bar down here where the bartender was aggressively cutting ice chunks.

He and Captain Neil sit in silence for a few seconds before Captain Neil offers him a slight smile, “I know you’d rather be with your grandma and you and Andrew prefer not to say things out loud but we’ve really liked hanging out with you.” Captain Neil says.

????????????????????????????????????????????????

That’s such a nice thing to say to someone.

Especially someone like FF.

Especially especially when they’re planning on killing him?

He hopes his confusion stays off his face as he nods once. “It’s been fun.” It’s not even really a lie. Thanksgiving yesterday had been nice and loud and FF had missed the chaos of a Family Dinner more than he had ever realized. The car ride had been…a time but once he’d asked Andrew to either keep his eyes on the road or let him out Andrew’s hands had stayed at 10 and 2 and the ride had been smooth. Aaron and Nicky’s weight against him had been nice too, a warm memory before he developed a possible life long aversion to whipped cream. He’d gotten to go Black Friday shopping and Captain Neil even helped carry it home for him. Baking bad been nice even if the stress of doing it with his life on the line was less so. The subsequent nap and day spent doing normal college guy things had been…it’d all been nice.

It’s starting to feel like….

“Drink this.” Andrew puts a drink down in front of him.

No Andrew definitely wants his bladder to burst.

“What is it?” He asks instead looking at the creamy looking drink with suspicion.

Andrew rolls his eyes as he hands Neil a fruity looking drink as he sits with what is a few fingers of scotch. “It’s virgin.” Andrew says not answering the question at all and must pick up that FF won’t be drinking it until he gets the full answer because he continues after a moment, “It’s like a Pina Colada but with bananas instead.” Andrew answers.

It’s not that FF hates banana but why in the world would Andrew grab him this? Was it just one of the few virgins options on this place’s fancy menu or-

“Bananas will help get your stomach acid back down.” Andrew says, “Since you’re an idiot and ate that mango ice cream just because you wanted to impress that girl.” He rolls his eyes.

“Impress that girl?” There weren’t any girls at the table and how in the world would him eating that god-forsaken spicy ice cream impress anyone other than Betsy. Even Betsy would only be impressed by the depths he was willing to reach just to avoid what he perceives as an awkward social situation.

“The waitress.” Neil reminds him as if that cleared anything up.

“Yeah,” he says as if he has understood the conversation but he has not. “It was spicy mango.” He says because maybe if he keeps the conversation going he’ll get enough context clues to understand what might be his last conversation.

Andrew let out a huff of laughter and pushed FF’s drink closer to him, “Drink your fancy Banana smoothie Casanova.” He says.

No closer to understanding the conversation he accepts that it might be something that only becomes clear after he sheds his mortal coil and is no longer given a -10 INT debuff by his full bladder and revolting stomach.

He takes a sip.

Oh that’s actually pretty good.

It feels like he can feel it sizzling in his stomach and soothing the discomfort there. Maybe he should look into Banana smoothies as a replacement for what Abby has called a ‘concerning co-dependence’ in regards to Pepto Bismol. No one can put him on a medical watch if it’s just banana smoothies he’s chugging down like they’re going out of style.

“Thanks,” he says, “that was good.” He admits before reaching into his jacket and moving past the Megamind toy and grabbing his wallet. “What do I owe you for that?” He asks.

“We’re even.” Andrew waves away the money.

“You bought the stuff for breakfast, those brownies, and the pie tomorrow.” Neil says and FF blinks surprised to hear that they were talking about the pie he didn’t think he was going to get the chance to make.

“You don’t need to buy a spot with us.” Andrew says and FF leans back slightly at the intensity on Andrew’s face as he says it. “I invited you here because I wanted to. The brownies were good but if you don’t feel like making the pie tomorrow? It’s not like I’m going to drive you back to Palmetto and leave you on Abby’s doorstep.” He says.

FF feels gears start to turn in his head.

“It’s good pie.” He hears himself say.

“I didn’t even know about the pie when I invited you.” Andrew says and…

Andrew and FF sit in silence but honestly it’s not like Andrew’s sharpening his knives. The two of them mostly just do their own work or read. FF has been getting his German literacy up to snuff so that he can read the language when he goes there to visit Nicky’s fiance next year. He likes how serious Andrew is about learning it so that he doesn’t have to ask Captain Neil a thousand questions and it’d be nice if Andrew wasn’t obviously planning on murdering him.

Andrew brings dried apples and sends Captain Neil along with probiotic yogurts to their meetings. Both of those things tend to soothe his stomach and the yogurt that had been unflavored before was now vanilla which he liked a fair bit. It would have been a really nice gesture if it wasn’t for the fact that Andrew was making fun of his tummy troubles.

Andrew will put his foot down in practice sometimes when Kevin is getting too demanding wanting to know exactly how FF intercepted his passes to Neil. Kevin always backs off and Andrew will do the same when Jack starts to get a little too personal in his attacks at FF or when Sheena decides she’s going to be a bitch. It’d be nice if it wasn’t Andrew staking his claim that he was the one who was going to make FF’s life miserable.

Andrew drove FF around for an hour after Greg had shown up. He found out later from one of his friends that Andrew had threatened Greg after he had power walked away into the building. Andrew had driven him around and had only started heading towards the tower when FF had relaxed. It would have been nice if Andrew wasn’t trying to lure him into a false sense of security.

Andrew had invited him to his Family’s house over Thanksgiving when the bad storm had ruined his Thanksgiving plans. Andrew had threatened Jack to stop him from eating his Grandma’s pie and complaining about it. Andrew had stopped messing around with Captain Neil when FF had made it clear he was uncomfortable being in a car where the driver wasn’t paying attention to the road. Andrew had twice made him go to bed in the last couple hours.

It’d be nice if…

“We’ve really liked hanging out with you” Captain Neil had said.

Andrew was just trying to be nice.

Embarrassment rolls over him like a wave but FF has many years of pretending like he’s not going to die from embarrassment, “Thanks for inviting me. I’ll still probably make the pie tomorrow.” He offers.

Andrew’s eyes change slightly and FF is under the impression that he’s happy to hear that.

“Just enjoy your drink Smith.” Andrew says.

FF does go back to sipping his drink and letting more and more memories of things Andrew had done come to him and lets his embarrassment grow.

He finishes his drink and only then realizes that he is a code red in terms of bladder capacity. The new knowledge that this is not a torture chamber but in fact yet another overture of friendship from Andrew paired with his desperation finally loosens the question from his mouth, “Where’s the bathroom here?” He asks.

“There isn’t one downstairs but just head up stairs and hug the wall to the left.” Captain Neil answers.

“Bring your phone. If Frank doesn’t recognize you to let you back in.” Andrew reminds him.

FF nods and heads out of the club and up the stairs.

He might be doing a bit of a potty dance so he forces himself to become unnoticeable because he does not need cool people at a cool club to see him about to piss himself. Once he enters into a stealth mode that the United States Military would like to talk to him about he hugs the wall and nearly cries tears of relief when he sees a door labelled MEN.

He doesn’t think about the possibility of letting up on stealth mode because he is sure that he is about to make a face that he does NOT want any human being to see when he unzips his pants and starts to take the world’s most life-affirming piss on the planet.

As his bladder empties his brain is able to process the understanding that he had come to down in the basement he had thought would be his final resting place.

Andrew has been trying to be nice (and succeeding it was all so nice! He feels like an asshole! He is an asshole! Gran always told him that assuming makes an Ass out of U and Me. He had just thought it was funny grandma humor not valuable life advice!)

The night wasn’t going to end with Andrew’s knife in his stomach, it was probably just going to end with Nicky puking on his shoes (which is fine because these are the shoes Nicky was letting him borrow for the club anyways, they’re his shoes to puke onto.)

A secondary relief fills his system. His stomach, soothed by the Banana smoothie and now this, feels like it might actually let him live through the night.

While FF was distracted with a piss that would have made any number of cult leaders jealous with the number of divine revelations he was experiencing he failed to notice a second man enter the bathroom.

There was a reason that FF always ALWAYS became noticeable when he was at a urinal and the man who came to the urinal right next to him was showcasing that VERY reason.

He was trapped here for at least ten more seconds and he could hear the man grumbling distractedly but didn’t really pay it too much attention until…

“Fucking Wesninski Brat.” He grumbled under his breath.

Oh god dammit.

NEXT

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

Per your requests:

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[menlove]

like just as a general piece of advice if you Do go shopping/out to eat/whatever on a national/bank holiday feel free to wish people a happy whatever holiday but if you open your mouth and talk about how nice it is for US to have the day off just know that the person behind that counter wants to jump over it and strangle you with their bare hands. like take 2 seconds of self-awareness to realize the person literally providing you a paid service As You Speak very quite fucking obviously does Not have the day off like you do

and if you're in a country w tipping culture please for the love of god tip on holidays like :')

[anonymouspuzzler]

hey, I drew another smile for me comic! this one is about the holiday season.

(full transcript/description under the readmore!)

Title: SOMEHOW IT IS NOW DECEMBER. Comic by Anonymous Puzzler 12-22-22

Kamal: (flipping over calendar page) Geez. Feels like Christmas is around the corner already...

(beat panel of Kamal Realizing)

Kamal: (leaning in from doorway; Putunia and Habit are at a table drawing together) Hey, uh - I can't believe I've never asked this but. Do, um... do you celebrate Christmas?

Habit (in Habitspeak): Oh! No, I am Jewish Kamal (offscreen): What!

Kamal: (covering his face with both hands) oh my god I'm so sorry I've been sending you Christmas cards for years- Habit (in Habitspeak): (waving a hand, trying to be reassuring) I-it's okay!!

Habit (in Habitspeak): To be honest, I haven't celebrated any holidays for a while (in regular speak) (...not since I lived in Russia, now that I think of it...) Kamal: (still hiding face behind hands) Still...

Habit (in Habitspeak, offscreen): Oh! Putunia!! What holidays do you celebrate? (Putunia looks up from her drawing)

Putunia (in all caps): Oh yeah!! Well we learned about Christmas in class!! But my parents said Christmas is for kids who don't yell and break stuff and get in trouble!!!!! So I didn't have presents or a tree or nothing!!!

(Beat panel of Kamal and Habit staring back at her)

(Kamal and Habit clasp hands, looking determined) Impact text: SO THE PACT IS SEALED Kamal (thinking): Both holidays for Putunia. Habit (thinking, regular text): One million gifts.

[sugarsweetvirgo]

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... 🐑🎄🎁

[luuxxart]

it’s still Christmas here and I got eggnog so guess what it’s peggnog time baby and what better way to celebrate than drawin some thieves 🎄

[queerdiazs]

i love you best when you're just yourself | 2.2k, teen

“Hey, Buck?” he hollers, gathering Buck’s attention off the trio of identical trees just behind him. “What about this one? Looks great. Little full, lots of sap.”  “There’s no sap, Eddie.”  Eddie’s smile tumbles down. “It’s a movie reference,” he says. “You know, Clark Griswold? ‘Merry Christmas! Shitter’s full!’”  Buck shakes his head, puckering his nose at Eddie’s horrid impression. “I don’t get it.”  He sighs. “Yeah, I know, and that’s terrible,” he mutters, adding another tally on the list in his head of the reasons he doesn’t like the Buckley parents. It’s a Christmas classic. “We’re going to fix that soon, though, so don’t worry that pretty little head of yours.”  Buck makes a face, shrugs his shoulders, turns back around to inspect the triplets, and—and Eddie can’t take it anymore, okay? He just can’t. He’s all dressed up, and Buck is, too, and they’ve been waiting so long to have this little outing, and he can’t handle seeing Buck not enjoy himself any longer.  “Buck, what’s going on?” he asks, striding forward and reaching for Buck now that he has a hand free. Buck’s fingers are cold, chilled little things that make Eddie wince. He wraps them up as best as he can. 

read the rest on ao3

[intotheelliwoods]

Little Sprout: what happened with big us?

Current Sprout: ................ *INCOHERENT SOBBING-*

yeahh- *sniffles*

[kooki914]

I AM HERE

More incorrect quotes except there’s a few more characters! A few are from me and my friends

~~~

Spade: Never eat the ashes of the dead

Queen: I will

Spade: Nuh uh. I already did. I used them as popcorn seasoning

Queen: FORBIDDEN PEPPER

—

Asgore: Hey guys what should I eat?

Spade: Newborns

—

Spade: Go fuck yourself.

Asgore, smugly (and also probly drunkly): Sure, but only if you watch

—

Toriel: You're a lying piece of shit!

Asgore: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Spade: I'm leaving and I'm taking Queen with me!

Rudy, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

—

Asgore: Team A will consist of myself, Spade, Toriel, and Rudy.

Asgore: Team B will consist of Queen.

—

Toriel: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Asgore: Schrödinger's boys.

Spade: FUCK!

Rudy: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Queen: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Queen: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Toriel: ...

Asgore: ...

Spade: ...

Rudy: ...

Queen: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

—

Queen: What makes you all smile?

Toriel: Friends and Family.

Rudy: Snacks.

Spade: Victory and success.

Asgore: Face muscles.

~~

He needs help

~~

Queen: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Rudy: 'Prettiest Smile'

Toriel: 'Nicest Personality'

Spade: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Asgore: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

—

Toriel: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Rudy: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Queen: Drunk.

Spade: Wasted.

Asgore: Dead.

I actually got a bunch of ideas for the monopoly one so I feel the need to expand on it: Rudy takes the role of banker out of necessity, as no one else wants it, not even Queen, who can do all the necessary math in less than a second. Spade tries to cheat at multiple points in time but Rudy and Toriel keep catching him, Asgore is none the wiser. Because of this, Asgore is the first out of the game due to bankruptcy. While Queen's busy laughing at him, she ends up getting ousted from the game too, betrayed by her fellow queen Toriel. Rudy is just playing to survive while Toriel and Spade are at each others throats. Neither of them are letting up. Spade's been in jail more times than he can count but somehow it's not slowing him down. Toriel is beyond pissed. Insults start getting thrown, mostly by Spade. Queen and Asgore get caught in the crossfire. Rudy's the only one still staying at least Somewhat lighthearted with all of this. Then Toriel and Spade start screaming at each other:

In other news here's the yearbook shitpost that I included someone else into as well whom i will post about in the near future I Hope.

And last but not least:

[crusheswhimsandfancies]

[transingthoseformers]

Infrared and Blue Topaz are the kids who get their hands on flashy fireworks and Leto is the kid who talks them into using them outside of town (she knows better than to try and stop them)

Starscream found it hilarious, Megatron was. Not happy, and Optimus was just glad nobody lost a finger

[chalkeater]

I’m SO glad you guys agree with this so here’s a bonus just for you (and me bc i LOVE being self indulgent as you may know) (oh my god its @girlnextdeer my girlfriend)

[b4kuch1n]

I actually for real feel like my phone's scanning quality has dropped monumentally while I was away on thing so that's a fun thing to figure out now. anyways