#i know i said i wont post anymore but i miss my boys

[diorsluv]

casual , part 11

“ but we’re ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, and 111,103 others

yourusername ur favs are back 😈😈

tagged: luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, markestapa, edwards.73, vivianliu

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username10 aww this is my fav type of post

username1 BUBBLES

→ vivianliu my fav powerpuff girl 🫧

→ yourusername buttercup 4EVAAAA

_alexturcotte 1/3 of these pics have some sort of suffocation going on… are you guys okay

→ yourusername it’s only 2 pics

→ _alexturcotte out of 6

→ yourusername turcs stop mathing please

→ _alexturcotte whats 9+10

→ colecaufield OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE

→ trevorzegras 21!!!!!!

username46 wheres my girl vivi 😔😔

→ yourusername shoe pic!

username21 the chaos is so endearing

_quinnhughes i thought u said vivian wasn’t going with u guys

→ yourusername SHE WENT ON A DATE 😏😏😏

→ yourusername but she didn’t tell us where it was so we went to subway and her big back was there w her pookie

→ jackhughes first date at subway 😬

→ vivianliu hey no it was our SECOND date

→ _quinnhughes second date at subway 😬😬

→ yourusername quinny dont act like u could do any better 💀

→ _quinnhughes i could

→ vivianliu oh 🥴🥴

→ yourusername EW

trevorzegras you need to invite me

→ yourusername no

→ trevorzegras why

→ yourusername ur icky 🤢🤢

→ trevorzegras 😒

username39 when do i get a friend group like this 😕

→ username14 have three hot, talented, very social brothers in the nhl with two that went to umich

markestapa ngl that card game was fire

→ yourusername thats what she said?? 😭

→ _quinnhughes that’s not how the joke works stupid

→ yourusername its the name of the game dummy

→ _quinnhughes oh

→ markestapa LMFAO

luca.fantilli we never hang out anymore 😔

→ yourusername YES WE DO

→ rutgermcgroarty luca’s right we never see u in the light of day

→ yourusername i’m at urs more than i’m at my own apartment guys

→ luca.fantilli u dont give us attention

→ yourusername 🫤🫤

→ luca.fantilli UR ALWAYS W UR DAMN BoyfRiEnD

→ rutgermcgroarty REAL WE WERE THE BOY FRIENDS BEFORE YOU GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

→ yourusername you’re both so needyyy 🙄

rutgermcgroarty you have no good photos of me do you…

→ yourusername I DO

→ rutgermcgroarty prove it

→ yourusername no can do!!

adamfantilli the shoe game is fire

→ yourusername 🔥🔥🔥

→ adamfantilli 🥶🥶🥶

→ luca.fantilli 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

→ rutgermcgroarty 🥱🥱🥱

→ dylanduke25 😴😴😴

username71 it’s so cute how ur always together

edwards.73 stop teaming up with rut when we play card games

→ yourusername but you and i always compete against each other

→ yourusername it’s like.. our thing 😟

→ edwards.73 well maybe i wanna change our thing

→ luca.fantilli not possible bro u can’t change a “thing”

username93 luca, rut n mark r dressed up as powerpuff girls like TELL ME IM WRONG

lhughes_06 i don’t like this horsing around mess

→ yourusername stop speaking like an old man for the love of god you’re TWENTY.

→ lhughes_06 respect your elders

→ yourusername oh lukey it’s funny that you think i would

mackie.samo i shouldn’t have left i miss you

→ yourusername AW MACK STOP

→ yourusername we miss you too ☹️

rutgermcgroarty

liked by colecaufield, yourusername, and 100,004 others

rutgermcgroarty its national best friend day look its my best friend

tagged: yourusername

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yourusername it’s not national best friend day 😑

→ rutgermcgroarty then its my national best friend day

→ yourusername we live in the same country. two blocks away from each other.

→ rutgermcgroarty its an appreciation post 😕

→ yourusername rut sweetie i know u appreciate me u tell me every day

→ rutgermcgroarty NO I DONT

→ yourusername okay you show me every day

→ rutgermcgroarty WHY WONT U LET ME APPRECIATE U

→ yourusername p sure the boyfriend’s gonna get mad 😖😖😖😖😖😖

→ rutgermcgroarty whats stopping him from posting an appreciation post

adamfantilli ok whats the likelihood of him actually posting an appreciation post LMFAOO

→ rutgermcgroarty 0.0001%

username29 ooooo the bf’s getting called out

username27 AWW THE CREEPER HATS

username18 minecraft besties so aesthetic

→ yourusername girl he’s horrible he built an obsidian dick in my survival house

→ username6 oh……..

→ username30 😧

markestapa the way she’s barely at your shoulders LMAOOO

→ yourusername HEY NO I WAS CROUCHING

→ rutgermcgroarty stop trying to save face we know how tall you are

→ yourusername no one online knows my height they’ll never know if i’m lying or not 🤨🤨

→ mackie.samo you’re actually 7’6 yourusername

→ dylanduke25 or maybe she’s 4’6 💀

username14 guys what if the bf posts her but it isn’t ethan

→ username68 i’d cry

luca.fantilli best friends but u dont even have pics of her 🙄

→ rutgermcgroarty real best friends got no pics of each other 😔😔

→ luca.fantilli i have pics of u???

→ rutgermcgroarty but we’re men

→ yourusername isnt it supposed to be the other way around??

edwards.73 ik what ur tryna do

→ rutgermcgroarty do u tho?

_alexturcotte deliberate beef (?)

→ rutgermcgroarty perchance.

→ markestapa you can’t just say perchance.

→ mackie.samo you can’t just say perchance!

→ dylanduke25 YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE.

→ adamfantilli YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE!

→ luca.fantilli YOU 🫵 CAN’T ❌ JUST 😓 SAY 🗣️ PERCHANCE 🤷‍♂️

→ yourusername god what is this nonsense

lhughes_06 mhm 🤨

→ rutgermcgroarty i thought u supported my aspirations

→ lhughes_06 mhmm 🤨🤨

username45 are u trying to make ethan jealous

username89 one day they’re gonna get into an actual fist fight

next chapter notes ) so… i was going back over old chapters of feather and i realized they used to be SO short??? like why did i suddenly start making everything longer but for the sake of the plot and my sanity i’m ACTUALLY going to be reverting to my old ways this time (not lying!!!!) and it’ll be easier for me to get chapters out 😭

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

[smoshpunisher]

twin fantasy x ianthony lyric breakdowns

hello! so smosh came back and i cant help but do a lyric breakdowns of my favorite album that reminds me of them. twin fantasy (album link at the end of the post)

My Boy - Twin Fantasy

My boy, we don't see each other much My boy, we don't see each other much It'll take some time But somewhere down the line We won't be alone

this literally shows ian missing anthony after the smosh breakup, but still holding on of that idea of them back together. hence the "but somewhere down the line we wont be alone" he's still CLINGING on that hope for smosh, for his childhood best friend to come back.

the jokes about "where's anthony" from smosh cast, still somewhat depressed that his literal life partner went away and resented ian for it. for staying so positive after his creation of smosh was ripped away from anthony.

sad that anthony completely cut contact from him when he POSSIBLY needed him the most.

Sober to Death

You know that good lives make bad stories You can text me When punching mattresses gets old Don't think it'll always be this way Not comforted by anything I say We were wrecks before we crashed into each other

this specific song is so THEM coded. this is the two years leading up to the breakup and anthony's hatred to defy. ian trying to stay positive, wanting anthony to stay. but anthony had enough with the company and tried convincing ian to leave with him. with "not comforted by anything i say" showing how ian is so stubborn and wont leave smosh with him. with now the friendship they built for YEARS, breaking down because of their work.

with "you know good lives make bad stories" could show how fake their friendship was. that what they had with each other was, or was NEVER real. it was all a brand identity to keep the company happy. they probably didn't consider themselves best friends. never making time for each other outside of SMOSH.

ian and anthony being complete WRECKS because of defy. and now their needs are crashing into each other, and anthony couldn't take it anymore and left.

I wanna hear you going psycho If you're going psycho, I wanna hear

anthony for ONCE just wants ian to open up to him. anthony just wanted to see some vulnerability from ian, but ian is the one clinging to the idea of smosh. and anthony realizing this whole duo was ran with delusions of what they originally had. that he couldn't bare the evolution of smosh, and defy's controlling behavior. he had to LEAVE.

Take your hands off your neck and Hold on to the ghost of my body You know that good lives make bad stories

they're still parading the idea of smosh, and what they had with each other. holding onto the library of content they created, and that to each other it's still possible to create the same magic with each other.

especially "hold onto the ghost body" holding on the old idea or old friendship.

What if it'll always be this way Not comforted by anything you say

the part where the friendship starts to crumble. ian possibly horrified of the idea of running a company alone. created SO MUCH emotional baggage. wanting to fix the friendship after anthony left.

Don't worry, you and me won't be alone no moreDon't worry, you and me won't be alone no more

(this part is better if you listen to this portion of this song)

can we talk about will toledo's song writing? the harsh electric guitar to calm acoustics? showing the LITERAL delusions of forming a good relationship to hold onto?

after anthony left, wanting to let ian know he won't be alone and he will be fine, and ian wanting the same feeling reciprocated to anthony. that they won't be alone, and that their journey's apart will be filled with the people they care about. anthony has his loyal fans and ian has the smosh crew to back him up.

High to Death

And I said hell is the sun Burning forever at the center of things A ball on fire at the center of things

anthony making that HATE letter to ian months after the departure. anthony being all like "ian never had the best interest and only cared about work" and sad that ian never cared about the friendship. (newsflash ian literally cared more than anything)

ian being the sun, he's burning the little left of the friendship. trying to reach out, or saying anthony is always welcomed back. hence "burning forever at the center of things" as he always beaming for anthony to come back. to restore things to the ways before defy completely ruined the friendship.

Used to be so human, now it's just a machine I can't turn this thing off, it keeps following me

anthony during his time with defy felt so dehumanized, knew that the company didn't have it's best intentions. that smosh's past always creeps up when he wants to be his own independent creator. leaving his friend to run a channel all by himself. while ian is running around finding smosh's voice without anthony.

Famous Prophets (Stars)

Apologies to future mes and yous But I can't help feeling like we're through The ripping of the tape hurts my ears In my years, I have never seen anyone quit quite like you do

ian accepting the fact that his friendship and the duo of smosh is over. he officially lost his best friend as he broke contact with him. ian completely LOST it, going to therapy to help cope with everything he lost. his ride home after high school, his creative partner for 11 years, and of COURSE his best friend. (people in smoshcast literally begged him to go since he looked so defeated)

also "in my years, i have never seen anyone quit quite like you do" ian taken back that anthony just went up and left. left to start something new, and he did it in such a breeze.

Did I fail? Did I fall? (In the morning when I wake up, are you mine?) Did I waste my time, waste my time on a broken heart? (Take the trash out like a bad dream, are you gone?) Or is this the start of the great silence?

questioning if this was all his fault, maybe that he wasn't mature enough to understand where anthony is coming from. that maybe him being so emotionally unavailable broke their friendship in half. wondering if anthony will ever come back to smosh, or it's really over.

wondering all that time with anthony was really worth it, but said it himself all the shitty things that defy made them do he wouldn't take it back.

also at the end of the song, there's a poem. just let the poem do the talking.

Love never fails But where there are prophecies, they will cease Where there are tongues, they will be stilled Where there is knowledge, it will pass away For we know in part and we prophesy in part But when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I abandoned my childhood I put these ways behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known And now these two remain

ian leaving behind his smosh past to rebrand the channel, that maybe his friendship with anthony meant for all of this to happen. ian finally accepted it, he can't keep crumbling over their friendship and has to move on. anthony wanting to be more without smosh, creating his own series which is very successful, but both still accepting the friendship as its once was. that their chapter together was closing, and the both boys will be okay without each other.

they got the closure they needed, they got what they needed to learn from each other. and smosh was just a chapter in their life that was long overdone.

well until.

Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)

I haven't looked at the sun for so long I'd forgotten how much it hurt to

ANTHONY CAME BACK TO THE CHANNEL, AND FORGOT HOW POWERFUL HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH IAN WAS. IT WAS SO POWERFUL IT HURTS HIM. when he came back to smosh, he knew it was meant for ian and anthony to be together. it wasn't nostalgia that kept wanting to come back, it was the fact him and his best friend created skits with each other and it made him laugh. made him SO happy, and wanted to be back with ian.

They just want to be one Walk off into the sun They're not kissing They're not fucking They're just having fun

the two boys don't need to be kissing or fucking to show their love for each other. their chemistry is so strong, their friendship can NEVER break. they're just being one. no need of defy or identity of their own. they are just ONE, they're SMOSH. like how it should always been.

They were connected At the back of the head They had a conduit Their minds were the same

they're always connect, as ian let him go, anthony came back and proved they're meant for each other.

[pwblogarchive]

July 2006

July 1, 2006

“sex and the city (the part theyll never tell you)”

its strange here this time of year. because the weather never changes.it is always summer here. so it doesnt feel like the same desperate love of these three pages on the calendar. or at least not what i am used to.patrick and i wrote a song yesterday. not a hit single or maybe anything that would even turn your head.noone knows how it goes.sometimes the worst wishes are the ones that come true.yellow and white lines to the coast.you can learn to love anything if its around enough.some people learn to love their mistakes.shakes hands. "thank you, our time is up".what keeps you coming back?i got a long rap sheet.(the statute of limitations is running out on you pretty fast).the powders wet. the sparks arent coming.the hammer isnt hitting. its spinning.you can learn to love anything.posted by xo @ 11:22 PM

July 5, 2006

the last thing i think of before i fall asleep and the first thing i think of when i wake

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst- you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.

haveanicelife

Posted by xoat 6:06 AM

June 5, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves 

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

July 7, 2006

“his and hers”

sometimes i cant wait to be forgotten.i wish i could put up an away message in real life and just go to sleep forever.posted by xo @ 3:10 AM

July 7, 2006

“im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)”

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

July 8, 2006

“the fraternal order of the handsome boy”

ive been watching you from afar

my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car

candy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding.

"youre the stranger ive been dreaming of", stranger than any ive ever known.

love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me.

late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you

to make you think of me the very same way i think of you.

i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them.

fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living.

that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history.

over and over again.

how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else.

how im humble and arrogant at the same time,

chased and never caught.

that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.

that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.

youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.

the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up.

i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.

i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.

"im blowing smoke rings around the moon...."

i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.

Posted by xoat 2:36 AM

July 11, 2006

we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes).

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.

my personality and everything about me is just a carefully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.

i am (not) real.

sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.

its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.

all i can do is read and write and wait.

ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.

Posted by xoat 6:32 PM

July 14, 2006

a little life, alot of death (i want to be known for my hits not my mrs.)

i should probably not be typing in this mood. i wish there was a lock on the keyboard. it is too enthralling in a state like this. just like all of this has always been. the world around me has changed as if overnight. "for someone so smart you are acting pretty stupid". i cant focus on but like three thoughts in my head but i am compeltely wrapped in them. they keep me warm at night. i pray for something to crash into me and smash me back to something more simple. i pray for fistfights so i cant be knocked out and wake up in the e.r. i wish for disaster so i can be razed. im telling you if i could do any of it again, im pretty sure i wouldnt.

fuck your life under the microscope.

fuck your conclusions.

you have no idea.

it never got me anywhere but here.

over and over again.

every single time.

i wish for five months ago. and not in the way you would imagine either. "you are unfixable". my eyes are washed out but they dont feel clean. they are strong you know not the athletic type, but could definitely used to carrying heavy bags. im guessing in any real light i will delete this, apologies in advance. whatever caption is written next to the picture is the exact opposite of me. i am mapless. you are caught. lets go out and get forgotten.

bad news travels fast. and i am the worst of it.

i will always remember the day i met you.

"leave you feelings in your heart boy".

Posted by xoat 12:57 AM

July 22, 2006

“my phone cuts out in the same place every single day ("the gospel of gossip").”

it feels like there is so much to say.but it can only be said in songs.please dont go so quickly."The city with fires of night seemed an archipelagoWomen asked the love and for the dulieBut in my eyes of male horror I rememberThe busy ones of the evening were never prettyThen the day returned but sometimes without sunTo draw up the houses coast at coast at the edge of streetsWhere our lives with the other smilar lives are mislaidLives trailing their shade while passing in the streetIntercalated in the year they was widowed daysBloody and slow Fridays of burialsWhite and whole blacks come from the skies which cryWhen the woman of the devil beat her lover"guillame appolinairesend me a flashlight. i cant seem to find my faith.iwishicould.posted by xo @ 2:17 PM

July 23, 2006

“we used to talk on the phone every single day (nooneknowshowitreallygoes)”

its strange the way people will window shop on your life or score it for style and grace.my personality and everything about me is just a cerfully constructed collage of magazine articles and flashy pictures.i am (not) real.the puppy is purple after spilling a grape soda on himself. he then ate the tropic of cancer by miller. paperback, so i guess it went down easier.sometimes the days spent all by myself in my head are the scariest.its enough to make you want to pack it up and call it a day.all i can do is read and write and wait.ihavecodedmessagesforyou.aretheygettingthrough.posted by xo @ 8:32 PM

July 26, 2006

you spend every waking moment and many sleeping ones thinking of one heart, one person. you let it slip, they let it slip. who knows where it all begins or ends. but as it falls to pieces you keep grabbing them and collecting them less like for a museum of things that used to matter and more like you are going to keep putting it back together. except there are akways a few pieces missing each time. deep breaths. slow your heart beat. the road winds. there was a time before you always felt like this. try to remember pete. you are being pulled in every direction. everything is bigger under the microscope. you want it to be simple. you make it complicated. "hey, pete- i am middle ground. how come we've never met before". sometimes i wish i could re-engineer the path from my heart to the tip of my tongue and let my head have a shot at it. i dont got bigdreams, i just want to be okay. it comes down to my word versus your word versus the worlds word and i dont think i want to anymore. im worn out. my head is full, my eyes are empty. the dog loves the salt in the corners of my eyes and on my cheeks- i am nervous about cutting it from his diet. and i could and should be, and jealous of it, from the children on the street walking hand in hand with their mothers to the homeless man content with his world of a bench. and noone knows the way i spend my nights counting the individuals grains in the tiles in the bathroom, the coolness of the floor the only comfort- or if anyone does they dont want to ehar it, i cant blame you... i dont even want to hear it anymore. in the mornings the world is blurry. it comes in and out of focus. this is when im the worst. when i awake from a dream to realize that none of it was real possibly ever.one of the things stranger than realizing you are alone in this world is realizing that you are not.pupils the size of baby worlds.every bad decision is put on file for later viewing. mapquest your way back to me, take a turn for the worse and then continue for .5 miles.i want to file a restraining order against myself.and i want to be myself again looking at my reflection in your eyes from the first time i failed you. i am nostalgic for disaster. i want it back.he sleeps sound. he has no care for what buzzes and changes in the world around him.because of this i envy him.run away from a city because of one single heartbeat. it doesnt make sense.its not that i dont trust you, actually it is. and i dont trust myself when i think of you. i sell myself out.i wish you were awake right now. i just want to let myself be happy.posted by xo @ 3:53 AM

July 28, 2006

as i run away from everything i have ever known. just whisper in my ear."and the tears come streaming down your facewhen you lose something you can't replacewhen you love some one but it goes to wastecould it be worse?Lights will guide you homeAnd ignite your bonesAnd I will try to fix youHigh up above or down belowWhen you're too in love to let it goBut if you never try you'll never knowJust what you're worthLights will guide you home"so obvious. so much more brilliant than i could ever imagine to be.be bright and shine. its dark. im sorry ive come so off course.tell the pilot to clear us to land in your backyard.posted by xo @ 11:02 PM

July 30, 2006

regardless of what stars i end up under- for the best and for the worst-you have made me who i am. and i try to make myself more decent and better only because of you.happybirthday.posted by xo @ 3:05 PM

[happinessisathree-letterword]

the last of us

I gleaned from the tweet that you probably have a big trip somewhere with a special person. And I hate that you don't tell me these things anymore. And yet I know why. Because if I learned about them, I'll get hurt.

I genuinely wish I'd come to a day where I'd be genuinely happy for you and your romantic pursuits. Hindi pa lang ngayon. But I miss you so bad. I want to hear your voice, see your face, hold you. I wont deny myself that wanting. That's what I want. I accept where I am now with this -- I still feel for you deeply. Melford said he doesn't know if I'll ever let go of this and maybe he's right.

I remember a meme of Jennifer Anniston in Bruce Almighty. That's me right now.

-

I started watching The Last of Us playthrough. Still in the middle of it. It's quite a heavy game but the art is superb.

The best scene I loved about it so far is the old hotel scene where Joel and Ellie were scouring for supplies at the coffee shop. Plus the jokes that Ellie reads Joel whenever the latter gets to kill the people/hunters in the area.

-

I have a video of this on my phone with my fish, Sushi, in the background and Ellie was reciting a joke about pirates and sushi that she doesn't understand. Maybe this why sushi is always apprehensive about me, because I always joke that when he dies, I'll end up eating him. Poor boy.

-

I cried a lot again. Slept in early and woke up at wee hours.

A cat joined me on my sunset watch, where I took that header photo I used for this post. She's cute, asking for kibbles but I have nothing on me last night. I only have my cigarettes and lighter. She stayed anyway. I gave her belly and back scratches which she seemed to enjoy.

[l-evans-world]

I just wish this happens tbh..

via: renalizakim(fb)

[omegalomania]

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/omegalomania/188644148638?source=share ;loved this post of yours, it really made me pay attention to stuff i would've missed, thank you so much for making it!!! dyou maybe have more things that stood out to you like this (basically i'm saying compilation but again UwU)? thank you again and have a nice day good sir(gn) <3

here's a nicer link for people to click on, though the post is a couple years old by now. still i'm sure i can think of few more. so here’s a non-exhaustive list of little fob things that Get Me (tm).......2!

whenever they do “hum hallelujah” live, the original lyric is "me and my plus one in the afterlife," but patrick always always always sings it as "me and my plus ones in the afterlife." it's small and sweet and i have no idea how intentional it is but its almost like he cant imagine only having one person he loves that much.

back when they’d do “the kids aren't alright” live, there was one particular show where during the whole last chorus, pete would scream alongside patrick belting and it honestly does a lot of things to me

“death valley” live. thats all. the sheer pitch and power patrick has to dedicate to belting this seriously vocally ABSURD song. and JOE. GOD JOE SHREDDING? JOE DOING BACKING VOCALS. fuck me UP.

i could give less of a shit about what “bang the doldrums” is ~actually about~ i just care about the fucking drums in that song. the ride cymbal is so FUCKING delectable on the bridge and it actually kills me how no one talks about that

anytime patrick giggles in his studio vocals and they choose to leave it in, like in “young volcanoes” or “HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T” acoustic. it’s so sweet to me that they just leave that in.

the way rhythm of the claps in “explode” on soul punk matches the rhythm of the drums in “(coffee’s for closers)” EXACTLY haunts me. it haunts me. i dont know if it means anything specific because i can absolutely believe that that’s just indicative of how patrick writes (he writes like such a drummer oh my god) but the fact that they have such similar messages (feeling constrained by societal expectations, fighting helplessness that swarms into rage) and that they have that exact same beat...like i said. it Haunts Me.

i think a lot of people miss how fucking infectious and powerful the guitar riffs on “novocaine” are. fortunately, they come through VERY strongly live.

also shoutout to “uma thurman” live when the sampling of the munster’s theme is replaced by joe doing the licks live. that genuinely makes the whole song pop and makes it absolutely BANGING live.

whenever they play “disloyal order of water buffaloes” live patrick and pete stand next to each other when patrick sings “what a match, i’m half-doomed and you’re semi-sweet” and sometimes pete mouths the words alongside him and it undoes me a little bit every single time.

in general it’s just really really sweet to see all the guys still doing the same rituals the way they used to. patrick and pete still turn toward each other during “where is your boy” live but they don’t have to prop each other up for support anymore. they can stand on their own, but that doesnt mean they wont still pay tribute to all the times when they couldnt.

and on the flip side, the little choreography that only started coming to bear posthiatus, like the little guitar-off joe and patrick do during sugar. like that wasnt really there prehiatus, and now they do it every time and joe makes faces at patrick every time and patrick grins every time and it is honestly everything to me.

if you’ve never sat down and really listened to the drums in “20 dollar nosebleed” do that. please do that. like i said patrick writes like such a fucking drummer so he and andy have a lot of synchronicity and it really really shows when you pay attention to the percussion in any fob song.

the matching guitar lines in “champion” and “the last of the real ones” is like an inter-album call-and-response. if you’ve never listened to those songs back to back DO THAT cause it makes them feel like they sort of complete each other.

the way you can hear patrick whispering “spin for you” on “favorite record” after each verse. the mixing on abap is SO good just in general there is a lot of little subtleties that it takes several listens to really get

the “american beauty / american psycho” title track is criminally underrated ESPECIALLY live. the instrumentation alone is fucking hypnotic.

obviously the riffs on “a little less sixteen candles a little more touch me” are catchy as hell but the little sprinkling on top...like you can hear it on the instrumental during the chorus but its just a liiiiiittle extra riffage on top of what we already got and its delectable.

the studio chatter on pax am days deserves its own bullet point. i’ve talked about how pax am days is so so so good in general but the way you can hear the guys all laughing and cheering between every song. joe swearing OHHH SHITTY CRAP SHIT at the end of “hot to the touch, cold on the inside” like it just adds this warmth and intimacy without any of the polish you usually get. it softens me up every time.

“caffeine cold” is legitimately one of my favorite fob songs ever. the build. the pacing. the urgency. the whole way segue into the ending. the goddamn LYRICISM. don’t breathe life into a monster then complain when he destroys it all again. i’m not a monster. just really fucked up. i’ll see you in hell.

you know what i literally never hear people talking about?? the boys of zummer remixes that fob and wiz khalifa did of each other’s songs. special mention goes out to the live rendition of “stayin out all night” wiz and fob did together, because i have a special love for the combination of wiz’s verse on top of joe’s riffage. they did the wiz remix of uma live with him too!!

THE TRANSITIONS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THE TRANSITIONS. LIKE JUST ALL OF THEM. thriller to take over. golden to mmrs. favorite record to immortals. get busy living to xo. THE ENTIRETY OF FOLIE A GODDAMN DEUX

“alone together” live is a treat but i want to give special mention to the riffing joe does that brings it all together. all the guys have at some point referred to joe as the connective tissue of their songs, and the guy who works on the actual sonics of fall out boy the most. i think that really really comes through live especially. he’s not a flashy guitarist by nature but that is most certainly not a bad thing and his instrumentation is basically the texture we’re always hearing behind every song.

people give “immortals” a hard time as though it does not contain the line “sometimes the only payoff for having any faith / is when it gets tested again and again every day” and that’s criminal.

ive mentioned this before but “church” has a fantastic bassline and while im sad pete didnt play it live, its genuinely so fucking good how joe picked up the bassline and integrated it into his riffing when they played that song live on mania tour. probably im reading too deep into it, but i find it sweet, that level of trust and support theyll dedicate to each other in a live setting.

there’s a misconception i’ve seen floating around that the symphonic strings we hear at the beginning of “the phoenix” are samples but they are not! they were recorded by the london philharmonic orchestra specifically for the song, inspired by the fourth movement of dmitri shostakovich’s “leningrad” symphony.

it’s a goddamn shame they never released a studio acoustic version of “wilson (expensive mistakes)” because i genuinely really love the performances of it we got during mania era. all two of them sob.

in general i think people undersell the presence of guitars on fob songs a lot. the guitars are there - they just have effects all over them! just because something doesn’t contain an 80s riff doesnt make it not a guitar song. i’ve seen buzz around the possibility that fob’s next project will be guitar based because joe called it a “guitar album.” you know what he also called a guitar album? save rock and roll. don’t underestimate what these guys can do with just their instruments; young and menace was all done with guitars, bass, and drums, pitch-shifted to sound electronic.

one thing that really stays with me is the guy who did a breakdown for the raw multitracks of the 2019 “lake effect kid” release. like not only does it REALLY showcase how much instrumentation and layering goes into every song (THEY RECORDED ALL THIS SHIT IN ONE DAY), but the one thing that sticks with me the most is the moment about 10 minutes in where the guy just stops and goes “this is why these guys are so unexpected and cool.” and it’s because he notes in the mixing that andy is playing the tambourine in sync with the crash cymbals. this is something that’s found in metal, that you’d expect to find in metal, and here it is fitting snug in a pop rock song. i just. find it so indicative of who they are and where they come from, that andy still plays like a metal drummer and is still essential to a band that writes pop hits. it’s like no matter how far they’ve gone, their roots are still there for people willing to look. there’s some part of them that hasn’t forgotten where they came from. they play songs that end up on radio, but you can tell they came from hardcore if you know what to listen for.

all right thats all i can think of rn. THANKS FOR ASKING. always love to talk about these guys

[terry-perry]

https://terry-perry.tumblr.com/post/692425715394723840/httpsterry-perrytumblrcompost691496036760518

Jack wouldve talk to his mom and she would know its him like frigga to thor she wont mind her son went back to see her as much as it hurts

Natalie wouldve likely went back to see hers too and talk with mom and dad while they are in the engaged area and have fun with them

Daisy most likely would look at places from the eras

Jack knew the mission should be simple enough. Enter the Compound, disguised as a delivery man, drop off the notes on multidimensional travel, then leave.

It was supposed to be simple, anyway.

But then he saw her.

"Can I help you?"

She gave him a perplexed look. He had to say something before he raised any suspicions. But it was hard, seeing as the eyes he was staring into were exactly like his.

Pop always said he had her eyes.

"Hello ma'am," he cleared his throat nervously and began with. "My name is Barney Jackson. I'm here to deliver an important letter to Natasha Romanoff."

"What's so important about it?"

"I'm not sure. Just the messenger."

Please don't shoot me mom!

She kept looking at him strangely. She didn't seem as suspicious, but still weary. She must've stopped by to visit Natasha. Apparently she visited a lot during the Blip. Natasha and Steve helped her out a lot while she struggled raising him without his dad. Jack's past self must've been inside with Natasha, so weird to think about.

"Do I know you?" She asked him suddenly.

He was very tempted to take off his hat and sunglasses, but he had to keep reminding himself he wasn't there for to spend time with her. He promised the team he could do this without his emotions getting to him.

And yet...

He took off his cap and glass as he offered her a small smile.

"You look like..." she stopped herself, as though the end of that sentence would end up making her sound crazy. "Never mind."

He knew what she wanted to say.

"Y/N," he brought her attention back. "I just...I just want you to know everything's going to be okay. We're okay."

He hoped that'd be enough for her. He was at least able to give her the notes without anymore suspicion. And his words actually got her to smile. He missed seeing it so much.

----

Y/N went back in, confused as ever. She glanced down at the manilla envelope the delivery man just gave her. Who was he? And what was up with that cryptic message? Was it relating to everyone turning to dust? They were about to hit the 5-year mark, so it was possible.

That still didn't explain why she thought she knew that guy.

"Everything all right?"

Y/N got out of her head as she saw Nat come into the room. Her favorite guy following not too far behind.

"Mama!"

Five-year-old Jack squealed as he gave his mom's legs a squeeze. Sweet boy.

"Someone dropped this off for you," Y/N explained, handing the envelope over. "Don't know what it is."

"No return address," Natasha pointed out, flipping it around.

They had no time to dwell on it as the bell rang again to alert them someone was at the front gate. Did the delivery guy come back?

"Hi! Is anyone home?! This is Scott Lang!"

[oh-for-fic-sake]

It’s A Match Chapter One

Masterlist

Disclaimer

Summary: Filming is over and Henry returns home to and empty house. And he doesn't like it, things are getting to him and he doesn't want to be alone anymore. Then his brother suggests online dating, it sounds mad but henry decides to give it a shot. If worst comes to worst he just deletes the profile. He has nothing to loose right?

Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Cheese, Self Indulgent Fic, Rpf, Plus sized reader.

A/N: so I wrote this before the whole 'girlfriend' shock and everything that has followed. I was of two minds whether to ever post it but honestly, this is my blog and I've clearly stated that i am going to continue writing Rpf. I want to do a little ficlet/mini fic and well here we go. It wont be smutty just  somewhat angsty then fluffy. Enjoy~

Taglist: In Reblogs.

Henry slumped back on the seat in his conservatory and sighed, from here he could see his brothers and their wives outside, each snuggled up on the out door wicker sectional he had got to have the family over. It was the first family get together for over a year. He was happy, god it was amazing to see them but... He couldn't help being a tad envious.

They all had a family, wife and kids to go through this shitstorm in. He had no one, well he ha Kal. But that was it he sighed and looked away sipping from his cup slowly takeing a moment for himself. He needed to just chill, but it was getting hard... This year had really knocked him back he was at an all time low he hadn't felt like this for a long time. He knew he was depressed, he felt stupid there was no reason to be but there we go.

Henry had been getting himself all twisted for a while now, filming the Witcher helped but now that was over and he was home alone. Left with his thoughts in a big empty house.

"Sooo little brother want to tell me what's going on or am I gonna have to get mum in here?" Henry jumped at the voice and spun around to face his brother who was keeping a safe distance at the door. Wiping his hands down clearly just having washed them again.

"I ah its nothing, you know me I'm a worry wart" he said waving off his older brother he didn't want to bring down the mood of the small gathering, it was why he had come in here to take a breather.

"You called us all here for a visit hen, out of the blue when lockdown is still being eased out. Its clear you don't want to be alone, yet your sitting in here alone." His older brother said leaning on the door frame folding his arms trying to figure out what was really going on. He could see his little brother was hurting he wanted to help.

"I've got Kal" Henry said with a chuckle and looked about for the bear only to frown and sigh seeing the room was empty apart fro  him and his brother.

"Kal's outside with the kids hen, what's up? You can tell me you know" henry sided as his sibling  moved sitting in the small seat across from him. He knew that his family would listen but he felt so... spoilt like he was asking too much and was being selfish. It wasn't like him.

He grunted leaning back choosing not to look at his brother instead focusing on the cup in his hand. He spun it slightly then heaved a sigh. He wasn't getting away with not speaking about it, he was going to air out his worries one way or another. With his brother or his mother, and he loved his mother but this was? He wanted to keep this issues close to his chest. So far only Kal knew about his problems.

"I... I've had enough... just had enough of fucking covid and being alone... i felt isolated before all this shit kicked off and now?" He vented releasing all the fears he had. It was tough, he was a family man without his own little family, he hadn't managed to find anyone to share his life with and it got to him. He tried being sincere and polite, he took care of himself and tried staying true to himself but... something was missing it had to be! On paper he was a safe bet a good man! Yet his relationships never worked. There were different opinions or his other half couldn't handle the life style or they tried changing him or they couldn't put up with the way he loved so furiously- so openly wanting to always hold and kiss them. It just never quite worked.

"Its- fuck everything has just caught up with me...worries I've had for a few years now I could ignore them you know? I had other stuff going on, was always out and about meetings and press tours I was busy! But now?" He tried putting his feeling into words but he was conscious, he didn't want to whine or bitch about his life. He loved his work and the life he had made for himself he just? Wanted someone to share it with.

"Now after covid you've got all the time in the world to think?" Henry nodded agreeing with his brother. Covid had made him face these fears head on. He has been alone for the best part of a year with the uncertainty of his work and filming quarantines and isolations.

"Yeah, it hurts I'm... I'm in deep and I? I don't know how I'm getting out of this slump" henry finally said outloud, his brother dipped his head listening to him as he ranted. Started letting out all the frustration and anxiety out but stopped short with another growl closeing his hand around the cup tightly hissing in frustration then looked away.

"And what's caused it? I know you hate being alone but?" Henry sighed shaking his head as his brother tried coaxing more out of him. He drew in a shaky breath wanting to cry, he was just so lost and upset over being upset and alone.

"Two lock downs... Two alone- I? If this carries on for the next few years I don't... I don't want to be alone anymore! I want to settle down, I want an actual personal life! A relationship a family and? How? How am I gonna find all that? They want fame or money or something! Women never seem to want me for me, they say the do then judge me for my hobbies- I'm a geek I like tech and games and fantasy! And women don't like that" he spewed the words like they were venom, half ashamed of being so dramatic but the fear was real. Henry was scared, he wanted love. He wanted a family of his own, and it seemed impossible, now more then ever.

"I want to meet someone who will take me as I am, for me and I just I'm giving up. I'm giving up on it I can feel it, almost forty and look, alone unmarried no kids-I have no one to share my life with, it hurts am I not good enough for that?"  He hung his head as he spoke the final words put loud. He felt so vain and full of himself when he said them out loud, his skin crawled.

But it was how he felt, being the muscular decent looking man he was didn't go with his personality. He was a geek and the woman who were drawn to him didn't want that. And the woman that shared his hobbies normally weren't confident enough to even speak to him. Society's views on acceptable couples had put Henry in no mans land.

"What about online dating?" His brother spoke up but Henry just grunted rolling his eyes frustrated.

"What? No I cant do that I'd be fucking swamped" he hissed in irritation frustrated at the mere suggestion of him trying to date online.

"Whoa hold your horses let me finish I mean come on Hen there's bound to be hundreds of shy sweet women on there, I mean girls that are into your hobbies and stuff aren't usually the ones out and about partying and stuff, so its more likely they will be online" his brother quickly explained before Henry could pop off on one and shut him down.

Henry opened his mouth and stopped himself. That was a good point. Many of the women he would click with weren't going to be in bars or fancy parties. They were normally shy and at home most of the time reading or playing games.

"I... You really think i could meet someone? Meet the one online?" He asked in a small voice warming to the idea. His sibling smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes little brother, your a down to earth guy, just make a profile and have a look, if you don't like what you see you can delete the profile" henry nodded slowly thinking it over. There'd be no harm if he failed well he'd be no worse off, a little disheartened but that's about it.

"Look write down a few things you want in your dream girl, have a pseudo name like fucking I don't know Hank! Or something and say your a runner on set or something" his brother spoke up quickly as Henry sat back and actually thought about it seriously. He was right, henry could tweak things and be careful about what he shared and if he did meet the one then she'd understand... He could explain the predicament he was in. That he just wanted someone who liked him for him. And he would only reveal himself to her if she was the one and he was sure she would understand. As long as he was himself and honest about everything else in his life then there was no harm... and if he used proper photos of himself just... half cropped out then? It wasn't catfishing? Because he was being himself just using the nickname his mother used to call him.

"O-okay so be myself but... Just tweak a few things? So they don't know its me?" He reiterated to his brother still trying to figure out the morality of this whole idea.

"Yes! No full on pictures, no photos of Kal either new photos henry not old, maybe of your eyes up or something? Girls love blue eyed boy- not your right that brown will give you away... you could even fuck em up with a behind the scenes character photo? I mean come on how many men use a superman photo for their profile these days?" He encouraged wanting more then anything to cheer up his little brother.

"I yeah... That could work ,thank you- I'm sorry I got so worked up it... Its just getting to me now" henry apologised but his brother shook his head and chuckled standing up to go back outside to the others that were all happily chatting in the garden.

"I know Hen, look just give it a go, you might be surprized... come on lets get back out there, after all you are the host~ you cant just run off and hide" henry grinned standing and following his brother. It was decided, he'd give online dating a go!

A week later Henry sat at the computer everything was ready, he'd taken some precise photos and had spent the last half hour writing a profile up. He had felt a little guilty about this... Was he lying? Technically it was him, he was going by Hank which was a nickname his parents gave him as a child, luckily this site didn't require a surname because honestly? He had no clue! To fend off some guilt he had thrown in a behind the scenes photo of himself as superman it wasn't much but it helped take the edge off. The other photos were cropped and there were a good few just so that the women knew he wasn't technically a catfish; he even did one with him covering half of his face with a piece of paper with Hank scrawled across it. At the time he felt silly but it helped with his anxiety over the whole thing.

He paused for a second eyeing the screen rereading the profile over and over trying to make sure it was alright and honest. And it was, he had explained a little about himself, his hobbies and interests and his job... Only brushing over he worked for the film and tv industry recently working for Netflix he hadn't exactly explained what he did but there was enough information.

With a deep breath he clicked the button his mouse hovered over going live with the profile. Now all he had to do was wait and hope he caught a good womans eye. Within moments a few profiles popped up, matches. He scanned them flicking through some of the profiles and felt his heart crack. They were all full of badly filtered photos and used slang that to be honest he didn't even understand. What was so hard about using plain English?

He growled growing frustrated clicking through what were clearly a bunch of wannabe sugar babies. Each profile had a main photo a little bit of info then a few more pictures added to them. He scanned each one quickly going through the motions judging each one. 'Too far away... Your clearly not even eighteen?... Oh you like dc? Really hate to break it to you but thor is not a dc character' Henry grunted as he bypassed what felt like hundreds of women each with their own 'duck face' selfie most advertising their Instagram pages some even ballsy enough to add their only fans pages.

'Wait a second who was that?' He paused and scrolled back up and eyed the image on screen. It was a face on photo a cute woman smiling uncomfortably. Unlike everyone else's there was no distorting blur or heavy editing, the only make up was in the form of eyeliner in a set of black slightly uneven cat eyes. A slightly skewed black flicks making a point of no editing on the photo.

She was a full figured woman with proper kissable round cheeks and a sweet nervous grin. Her eyes were what got him, they were kind and genuine he could see she was uneasy about the photo but she was beautiful. She lived about half hour away which wasn't to bad.

Henry clicked the profile and scrolled down she didn't smoke, drunk occasionally and had no children. She did however have a college education in animal care and ran a small business. Centred on dogs by the looks of it. He moved further down reading the profile.

Y/n, 30, business owner, e/c, 5'4, curvy

I'm shy so will take a while to warm up to you. A honest woman, sometimes to honest I don't seem to have a filter 🤗 I'm laid back and tend to be sarcastic and I love animals I'm a kc certified dog breeder as well as run a small successful business that caters to dogs. So if you are allergic or don't like dogs then leave now but thank you for clicking🙃

I spend most of my free time gaming or reading. I enjoy the fantasy genre and love dc and marvel (though I love dc just a tad more🤫)

I have one fur baby in the form of my lovely girl Amii who is a three year old malamute. Yes malamute not a husky or Akita so again if you don't like dogs or big dogs I'm not the girl for you.

I'm looking for someone to have fun and maybe build a life with. Covid has been tough being single and decided that it was about time I tried this whole online dating thing. If you want to chat pop me a message 🥰

I do not have a personal Instagram, snapchat or only fans! Stop asking for pictures!😠😠

Henry's face split into a huge grin. She seemed to good to be true. She was wholesome, successful in her own right and looked fun. She didn't seem to be full of kale and bullshit. Just genuine and? Henry couldn't put his finger on it but there was something drawing him to this woman.

True to her word there was no Instagram link, no only fans or snap chat or anything. He scrolled further seeing photos of her and the biggest fluffiest dog he had ever seen in his life. She was sitting down next to who he assumed was Amii her dog and he melted. Y/n looked happy and content, living her best life.

There was nothing that sent alarm bells ringing, no racey photos or 'Netflix and chill' innuendos. The profile was clean and genuine.  He was right the woman was a little chunky but extraordinarily beautiful. The curves suited her and made her look more... cheerful and he could tell she was strong aswell, you had to be to have a huge dog like that about you.

There were photos of her walking a large pack of dogs in the wood; that he recognised! They were the very same he took Kal to only ten minuets down the road, he even recognised the small logo of her company on the jacket she wore. He had seen dog walkers wearing the same jacket so he knew of her brand. I he remembered correctly the company offered dog walking, grooming and kennel facilities as well as offering Breeding services helping stud dogs and stuff. They also helped advertise registered breeders and took in rescues for rehoming. It was a brilliant little company that he had even used for Kal once or twice to get his teeth cleaned and nails clipped, because Kal was a bugger for his pedicures!

He moved further down seeing more photos of the woman a small section with the games and tv she liked. Witcher was in both the tv and games category aswell as peaky blinders, Vikings and a few other shows.

Henry paused as he saw the chat button. Should he? He but his lip twisting on the spot in he chair rocking from side to side. What harm is there? He could just send a message she looked like a fun loving woman, he shared the same interests and stuff... so why not?

His fingers hovered over the keys ready to type out the words. But he choked. His mind ran blank what does he say? Hi? I saw your profile? Does he ask for a date? What does he do?

He let his hands fall and growled. Then scanned over the side of the message bar seeing a few pre-typed responses.

'It's a match!' 'You look fun, lets chat' 'I like your profile picture'

He winced they all seemed... wrong? Somehow they were polite and all but it- they wasn't personal or anything just... not quite right. He looked down as Kal came padding over and slumped next to him resting his chin on his foot with a loud sigh. With that Henry had an idea typing away a little message and hitting send before he could really think.

You sighed typing away the latest wage slips and added up all the various overtime, you really needed some more staff on now that lockdown was coming to an end. Thankfully animal care was essential so you hadn't been hit too hard a few staff were on furlough as they were extreme high risk and shielding but you were going out of your way to make the premises covid safe. Luckily it wasn't too hard as much of the business was just a few staff and lots of dogs.

You frowned when a chat icon popped up in to corner of your screen. 'Hank?' You though trying to remember if you knew a Hank? Maybe a client or some old friend... but you honestly couldn't recall. You l saved your document and clicked the small icon bringing up a chat and frowned a you read the little message.

'I call my dog bear but he has nothing on Amii, Shes the fluffiest dog I've ever seen in my life she looks perfect for bear hugs😅'

'what the hell?' You cursed scrunching your nose up at the screen rereading the words. That's a bit random... you clicked his icon a small photo of half of his face then froze as a dating profile opened up. 'Oh... shit' you said seeing that your own profile you'd set up a few days ago out of curiosity had garnered the attention of the handsome blue eyed stranger. You swallowed biting you lip thoughts of finishing updating your records now gone as you scanned Hanks profile and a small smile crossed your face.

Hank, 37, works in the film industry. Blue eyes, 6ft, muscular.

Decided to finally try this online dating, unsure what to say other then I'm looking for a life partner. I like to think I'm funny and laid back. I'm fit and active but that doesn't mean you have to be, but maybe my lady could come for walks with me and my four legged son? I promise he's my best freind and a good boy.

My job is tough and I'm away for long periods of time, but when I'm home I like to play games and am into warcraft. I paint miniatures when I can. Fantasy and superheroes are a big part of my hobbies so if you don't like all things geek then I'm probably not for you.

But if they are? Then feel free to message me, I will reply when I can.

You read and re-read the profile And your hands hovered over your chicklet keyboard. Biting your lip, do you respond? He seemed sweet and real... if that made sense. You took a deep breath. What was the worst that could happen? Asking for a plane ticket? You decided to take a chance and typed back a reply hitting send whilst you had your nerve and then flushed.

"And they say fluffy dogs only lure in women~" You giggled to yourself  moving a hand over the huge fluffy girl beside you giving her pets whislt thinking of a reply.

[spicy-tomato]

Hello can you do a post about maybe Swaggersouls when he thinks that the reader is bored of him. When she actually was only with zuckles on some party and he thought he was with someone else because she didn't answer the phone. (the battery died) some angst please also have a nice day.

okay lets go boys! this isnt nsfw but its long so im gonna do a keep reading cut. mentions of drug use and alcohol so be warned

You and swagger had been together for about a year now and with his revent streaming schedule it was getting harder and harder to spend time with him. That doesnt mean you dont love him, you just wished he would spend some time with you instead of you falling asleep in an empty bed while he streams. A few days ago you had been invited to a party with mason, so you decided why not? Maybe itll cheer you up after months of going to sleep alone and waking up to a still cold bed. You kept trying to tell swagger but he would just brush you off, so you said fuck it and went.

Zuckles

You here yet cunt?

You sigh and text him back a quick yes before walking in and spotting him. It wasnt a huge party but there were a good few people there, most drinking or smoking on the porch as you smiles and made your way through the crowd.

“Took you long enough! I set up some shots for us” you smile as he passes you a shot glass and you down it quickly. He drags you to the kitchen and sets up more shots. You and him down them quickly before grabbing some beers and moving to the smoke circle, passing the bong in a circle until someone tapped out.

“Thanks for inviting me mase, this is a nice break from whats happening” you sigh and drink more of you beer, finishing it off before standing up. “Do you want anything? Im gonna go grab another beer.” mason shakes his head and you head back to the kitchen and grab a beer before stopping and looking at the table. You see a few bottles of fancy liquor and decide to get some of those instead. Grabbing a cup you mix three of the bottles and drink some. It burns your throat and you gag a little before walking back, determined to finish it and get fucked up. With half the cup down, mason takes it from you with a worried look. “I think youve had enough of that, youre definitely not driving hand me your keys.” you sigh and hand him your bag, dropping your phone in the process to see 15 missed calls from swagger.

“Oh shit” you pick up your phone and rush to the bathroom to call him back.

“Where the fuck are you i was so worried are you okay?” he answers the phone with an anxious tone.

“Like you fucking care, you always choose yours streams over me.” you slur, tears forming in your eyes. Its like i dont exist to you anymore! Im so sick of falling asleep in an empty bed, only having bear there to cuddle. I go to bring you lunch and you tell me to set it on the desk and leave! I feel more like a maid than a partner now!” at this point you were almost sobbing.

“Where are you, im coming to get you.” you sniffle at his answer.

“Im not telling you, i tried to tell you for the past two days but you kept blowing me off, why should you care now?” your face is red and puffy at this point, not sure if youre crying from sadness or anger at this point. “At least mase cares enough to ask how im doing! He took my keys so i cant drive like this!”

“Thats where you are, ill be there in 30 minutes to get you and we can talk about this.” he hangs up and you break down in complete sobs, mason now banging on the door to check on you.

“Let me in, whats wrong?” you shakily unlock the door and he swings it open, grabbing you and pulling you into his chest. You tell him everything, how you feel more like a maid than a partner, how you always wake up without him, how he blows you off or acts like you dont exist, everything. He sighs and holds you closer, petting your hair and trying to calm you down. A slamming door can be heard as swagger gets there, moving quickly to the bathroom and shooting mason a glance that says for him to get out. He quickly stands up and leaves before swagger shuts the door and sits next to you.

“Let me explain...i felt like you were getting sick of me and got scared. I thought if i distanced myself it would hurt less when you ended it. I feel like i havent been enough for you over the past year and i thought you figured that out, that you were going to leave me. I never wanted to hurt you like this i just figured it would be easier for me if i did that.” he sighs and moves a hand to your cheek.

“Why didnt you just talk to me? Why just up and ignore me? I felt like a ghost in our own home” you wipe your eyes and look at him sadly.

“I dont know, i was scared of facing you and hearing you say it to my face. Please, just let me take you home and make it up to you. Let me take care of you through your hangover and take you to breakfast. Let me win you over like the first time again.” you sniffle and smile at him.

“Fine, but i wont be easy to impress this time.” he chuckles and helps you stand up, one arm around your waist to keep you upright as he leads you to the car.

“Ill shoot mason a text and tell him to drop your stuff by the apartment tomorrow.” you nod and step into the car, moving to hold his hand. He quickly accepts and starts a drive home. You start to fall asleep on the way back and once home, he picks you up, carrying you to the bedroom and laying you down softly before crawling up next to you. He moves the covers over the both of you before pulling you to his chest and kissing your head.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” you mumble back half awake.

“Ill never hurt you again”

[xlysaaa]

Ahhhhhh

Ok, so this might become a bit of a long post. After reading the latest Kono oto Tomare! chapter, i just have to get these feelings off my chest. It'll be random & full ramblings.

i put some panels of chapter 105 but also from 99.5 in this post.

-> lot of spoilers, so read at your own risk <-

this wont be a review or something. I just want to ramble and scream.

First of all, Chikas father . . .

I have literally no fucking words for this sorry excuse of a father! seeing this flashback made me wanna puke my fucking guts out on the floor.

how much do you have to sink as a human being to make YOUR VERY OWN CHILD think this?

What kind of human scum do you have become to tell to YOUR VERY OWN SON " It's hell. Ever since you were born, Its always been hell." ?! What kind of heartless huge shit being do you have to be to treat your very own son like he's the worst, like he isnt worth of human affection or care?!

While Chika was scared & uncomfortable, because he punched someone for the first time to defend himself, instead of talking about it the father looked at him like he was dirt.

When Chika went to the Takaokas that day in Chapter 99.5, he brought back come of the selfmade cake from Tetsukis mum, because he wanted to share it with his father, he thought he could make him happy.

look at this adorable sweet baby bean? how dare you make him cry. ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

Imagine a little smiling chika hoping his father would come back early from work to share this delicious cake with him. . . and THEN! imagine the father telling chika in his drunk state all those horrible things, while chika still cares for his father and put a blanket on him to keep him warm. Only for the faher to say ".. I cant bringt myself to love you."

We read in the latest chapter that his mother left with another man, chika cant even remember her face, because he was 2 years old. If its because of the dad, why wouldnt she take chika with her? i dont care whatever her business is, she is as much to blame as this human trash called father. There were so many moments were i had to pause for a bit cause these scenes were too heartbreaking.

Of course Chika would never treasure himself when never once did his father! How should he know how to hold himself dear, when his father never did?

I cant find even the words to describe, what i'm feeling. I feel so sick to my stomach.

I'm so glad that he had his grandpa who cherished him and gave Chika affection. He always encouraged Chika. "Hey, Chika. Dont give up on yourself" & showed him the Koto. He & Tetsuki literally pulled Chika out of the deep darkness & showed him light.

Look Chika, they're all waiting for you! T____T

- - - - - - -- - - - - - -

When Tetsuki transfered into Chikas class, a boy told him that he shouldnt get involved with chika because he's a loner & he's trouble. He said "Instead you can be friend with us" to which Tetsuki replied "Thanks. But no thanks." IN YO FACE YOU SHITTY BULLY CHILD.

Anyways, after school the boy & his friends planed to isolate Tetsuki & bully him . . welp, these boys forget chika "LAME. You guys are super lame." and off they go :'D thank to these shitty children ⬇️

a wonderful unbreakable friendship started! They became best friends who were inseparable. /chikas adorable blush q.q sweet baby bean!!!

When Chika had an argument with his father & left the house, he was bullied by middles schoolers & fought. . . it was then when they started to slowly fall apart.. Chika started to avoid Tetsuki & isolated himself again. Even when Tetsuki tried to ask what happened or tried to help him, Chika would only say "Its got nothing to do with you, do dont butt in." Tetsuki blamed himself "If only I had been there the first time Chika had fought. Maybe we could've run. Maybe we could've feigned defeat. Anything so he didnt have to deal with their attention. Any maybe he would still be . . ." He missed his best friend & was worried what would happen to Chika if he keeps going on like this..

Tetsuki was told by the teacher that his mother had an accident & needs surgery. He's waiting anxious in the hospital, hoping for the best, trying to keep the worst case thoughts away . . thats when Chika comes running into the hospital he was worried!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY PERFECTION, I CANT!!! ૮₍ ꒦꒳꒦ ₎ა❤

When Tetsukis dad said to Chika that he heard a lot about him from his wife & thanked him for supporting Tetsuki, he asked about his wounds & if they hurt. . thats when Tetsuki learns the reason, why chika kept his distance from him. He didnt want to involve him or put him in danger. "E-Everything's fine! I'm not hanging out with Tetsuki anymore, nobody's seen us together, nobody knows we're friends or anything. I would never drag him into my problems. Never."

Takaoka-papa is as wonderful as Takaoka-mama, jesus the Takaoka family is a bunch of lovely human beings, help me!!!

BONUS:

WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN WONDERFUL??/Tetsuki is so happy for chika *ugly sobbing deluxe*

I'm so glad that that he had Tetsuki right beside him, i dont wanna imagine what would have happened to Chika without his support & affection.

For me, they have one of the most wonderful & most strongest bond ever. I love their friendship so much, seriously i could probably write an essay about them & would never be able go stop. 🥺❤❤❤

Chika went through so much already, he fought his way through life, suffered, so NOW! Let him finally become happy!

Ufff, i didnt mean to make it THIS long.. but there's so much to say about this manga & the relationships chika made or the persons met.ヾ( இ⌓இ)ﾉﾞ

[nyruratchet]

The Edge of No Tomorrow

I’m struggling. I don’t get this world I’m in and feel like I’m living someone else’s story. People I love are passing away left and right; leaving me here feeling more alone day by day. I’m working at a company that doesn’t care about it employees. Shocker, a capitalistic US company that cares more about profit that the life of their workers. 

I honestly don’t want to be here anymore. Everytime I get home, I get comforted initially at being away from people and lessening my anxiety. But once the loneliness sets in, I’m on the verge of tears. Why can’t I find someone to love. Why does every guy I express interest in, run for the hills. Clingy? No. Shallow? No. Walled up. Sort of, but I have no trouble letting someone in. I just don’t get it. 

Then to top that lonely boy sundae off, I have…well HAD a “friend” throw me a way like trash. Like I wasn’t even worth his time. Actually, there is no ‘like’ involved. He literally said he’s not invested in a friendship with me and has no time for the fuckery. But when asked to explain or have a conversation about whatever brought him to this conclusion, N just dismissed me and said we can be “cordial” when we have to be in each other’s presence. I’m sorry, but when someone disrespects me, I’m not being cordial. I remove myself from the situation completely. And that’s where my mind keeps going. I need to remove myself from everything completely. I WANT to remove myself. I don’t really care about tomorrow anymore. In fact, the prospect of having to go through one more tomorrow feeling like this is nightmare; what on earth is there to look forward to? The struggle to make ends meet? The struggle to do music like I love? The struggle to find fulfillment in the mundane wretched existence I’m currently in? Doesn’t make sense. 

My dear friend who’s in prison can even find something the brighten to prospects of each of his days. But I can’t. I’ve been thrown away so many times and discarded, it is hard for me to imagine anyone missing me when I’m gone. And if there is someone, they wont miss me very long. My Grammy would. My mommy, daddy and court court will. But besides them, I’m not important to anyone. In fact, the only 2 reasons I’m even still alive is because it would break my Grammy’s heart and cuz I haven’t found the perfect way for me to do it yet. I need it painless and quick. In my sleep would be great.

Would you miss me? I don’t really know who I’m asking because I know no one will read this unless I post and share on social media like I’m pushing drugs. I don’t even know why I bother putting anything out there. I do music and a music video, a handful of friends support and buy them. Seriously, I could count the sales on one hand. Streaming? HAH, that’s all money as well. Gotta put money in to get anything out. I been trying for years to just get a foot in the door. I use to make CDs and cassette tapes to send to A&R at record labels. "That’s not the way it’s done anymore.” I would hear them say. Or, “development deals aren’t a thing anymore.” Well FUCK ME then.

That brings me to the other issue: fucking. Sex is my drug. Not proud of it but also, there could be worse addictions. I mean, there could be better ones too. This one requires me to be dependent on the acceptance of someone else; the desire of someone else; the mind of someone else. So if I can find someone to fuck or fuck me, great. But come on, there’s no consistency there. So, many times I find myself in a dry spell, needing my drug with no fix in sight. No how pathetic is it for an addict to not even be able to FIND his drug of choice. I’m not saying pay for it, FIND it. Cuz this drug is free, for those who can find/get it. But as I have already stated, guys don’t like me. And if they do, they have a hurtful way of expressing that attraction/affection. It has gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a cute guy without wanting to cry. Because when he looks at me me, I know he doesn’t see a desirable being. And when I do find someone who has feelings for me, they are taken already. So, can those feelings even be trusted? Nope. They already told someone else the same things they’re telling me. I’m just some new catch. Someone to make them feel like they still got “IT” (whatever ‘it’ is”). Recently, there was a guy I connected with on Grindr. He was so interested in me, and he was beautiful. I just KNEW he was fake. But he gave me his number. Then came the cat and mouse chase. He was never available. Then a couple weeks went buy and he was “in a relationship”. Yeah, he had no time for ME. I was brokenhearted. So again, I figured, he was just faking and wanted attention. Well, a year went by. I walk to up to work, and there he is. I knew exactly when I saw his face. Long story short, he told me he was still in a relationship but had no issue fooling around with me in a bathroom before dropping me off to my hotel like a cheap peace of ass. Then after saying all the right things, I get a text the next day. ‘Yeah, we can’t hang like I said. I feel bad for what I did. Sorry for leading you on…’ blah blah blah. Fell for it. And the sad part is, I’d do it again. No guys who look like that, are successful like that, or say things like that have ever thought I was in their league. So, to know he was a real person and he actually was interested in me a year ago; but GOD hated me so much he sent him another boy right before I could meet him, broke my heart and spirit even more. He could have been the love of my life. And just like that, fate said I wasn’t allowed it. I wasn’t worthy of it and apparently am still not.

I just keep trying to make SENSE of my existence and I can't do it. Could I continue going on this lonely path for years holding on to the notion that my time is coming? NO. I won't make it. I have wanted to be in love since I was little. I have wanted a singing career since I was little. Who's life am I living? I DID THE WORK. Went to college; went on auditions; did the residency training; moved to New York; worked multiple jobs to keep a roof over my head...I just, don't know what I did wrong. At least, not one major thing I did. I have tons of regrets in hindsight, but who hasn't made mistakes right?

I should just end it here. But I type all of this to say that I see not future for me. I'm standing at the edge of no tomorrow.

[r0-boat]

K so this is angsty and not the usual content but its 1am and i need to sleep so ive gotta tell someone about this. Maybe ill write it out tomorrow but lets face it i wont. But consider Emmets dopamine levels and stuff have got to have been piss poor while Ingo has been gone so when he gets him back all pf the seratonin and stuff his body produces is gonna be used up super quickly in 1 huge burst which means my poor baby is about to experience the single worst drop of his life. Like worse than when Ingo disappeared in the first place. I just know my boy is gonna be depressed as fuck cause hes running on net 0 happy chemicals and hes clearly neurodivergent so its gonna take him wayyy longer to recoup the happy chemicals again. Basically, hes gonna feel so miserable and so guilty about being miserable cause he's supposed to be happy and Ingo is back and hes gonna feel so bad about hurting Ingo and make himself think that Ingo thinks he doesnt love him anymore. To sum up please give Emmet love and hugs ASAP!!! -♡ (apologies that this is not a horny ask you don't have to post this if you don't want I just have a lot of feelings rn and you are the only blog I feel like I can vent to sorry)

Dark hc:

CW: mentions of loss unhealthy coping mechanism like alcohol

Emmet isn't used to being alone. He would never used to it.

As a child Emmet was Showered with love and affection and he always attached to his brother's hip

Emmet used to be a completely different person when he was younger. He was almost completely antisocial quiet and shy running away and hiding when someone he doesn't know is in his presence.

Emmet always thought Ingo was the stronger one( not Pokemon battles lol).

He's life was crumble apart as soon as ingo was reported missing.

Emmet couldn't handle the cold empty House.

He Couldn't handle the extra workload gear running your station by himself.

And he couldn't handle the grief of his lost brother.

He knows better not to turn to quick solution to his sadness, but he would be lying if he said it didn't feel so good. The buzz it gave him made it easier to forget.

His own employees are beginning to worry about his mental health I meant would come in in the morning late reekingof whiskey, major bags under his eyes.

He's either come socially distant his loved afraid of being hurt when they eventually leave him ones or clings on as tight as he can, it scared them disappearing just like his brother the moment he takes his eyes off money

[itsthewritergal]

It’s all a mess -  F.W x reader

Y/N and Fred had been dating for a year, but they had been friends since the very first day, when Fred and George let her sit with them on the train. She had all been sorted into Gryffindor which just made their friendship grow stronger. Although recently Y/N and Fred had done nothing but argue. Constantly. George was growing tired of having to console the both of them, and their friends avoided both of them when they argued.

Y/N sat with her friend from Ravenclaw at dinner, she was currently avoiding Fred after their argument the night before. She was filling in her friends on the details,

“So I was in the library right, doing my essay because I wanted to go to the Quidditch game next week” She started after shovelling some food into her mouth “Fred comes in all high and mighty because I dared to speak to some Hufflepuff about my potions class. He starts accusing me in front of everyone about loyalty, when he was with Angelina all last week and barely even spoke to me” She snapped, groaning loudly “He then tells me that he doesn’t know why we are still together!”

“Maybe it’s not such a great idea you two being together” Her friend said with a sad smile

“She’s got a point you know” Luna mused from her place next to you “Perhaps you two just aren’t suited anymore” she hummed twirling her fork around on her plate

“But I love him” Y/N argued

“Yes we know that. But does he love you? From what you’ve been saying it doesn’t sound like it” Her friend said with a sympathetic smile

Y/N turned the conversation quickly onto her Charms homework, in an attempt to pull her friends away from the conversation. But their words played heavily on her mind. Fred had been acting distant and angrier than usual, but surely that wasn’t because he was falling out of love with her. With a huff she said goodbye to her friends and made her way back to the dorm.

———-

Walking through the portrait hole, Y/N caught sight of Fred and Angelina giggling together, her fingers traced over his arm as his was wrapped around her shoulders. They looked happy together, just how Y/N and Fred had done a few months ago, with a sad smile Y/N knew exactly what she had to do. Taking a few steps towards them, George was the first one to notice that she had walked into the room. His eyes widened in shock as he kicked Fred to get his attention. Angelina was the next to notice Y/N and she quickly pinched Fred, who was yet to notice her presence.

“Don’t stop now” He laughed “I was just getting to enjoying that”

“No of course, don’t stop on my account” Y/N said sadly, “Seems you two are happy” She gave them a weak smile

“YN it isn’t what you think” Angelina said “We were just talking, and I”

“It’s fine, everyone knows me and Fred just aren’t quite working anymore” She said “I guess this is probably for the best” Y/N pulled off the bracelet that Fred had given her for their one year anniversary

“What are you doing?” He questioned standing up and pushing Angelina off of him. “Why are you giving me this?” He said suddenly feeling a wash of nerves fall over him

“i’m done Freddie, I’m done with all the fighting, never knowing what’s going to happen next. I’m done, we’re done” Y/N said solemnly “Take care of him for me” She laughed to Angelina, who was looking just as guilt ridden as Fred did.

“YN let’s talk about this” He pleaded

“I can’t. I’m sorry” She said making her way quickly out of the common room.

———-

The halls were empty, apart from Y/N’s quiet footsteps as she made her way towards the Astronomy Tower. She knew that nobody would be stupid enough to look up there at this hour. Not that anyone would miss her. Sitting herself down on the cold floor, Y/N let herself cry. Her sobs echoed loudly, but she didn’t care, she wanted to scream. Everything they had together was gone just like that, everything that she had dreamed about was gone. She didn’t hear the footsteps, or George settling himself beside her.

“He’s an idiot you know” He commented, wrapping a blanket around her

“He got what he wanted, he’s had a crush on Angelina since second year” Y/N laughed bitterly, pushing thoughts of the other girl out of her head

“He doesn’t love her, I’ll admit I don't know what he was thinking in the common room but he doesn’t love her” George tried his hardest to make her feel a little better.

“Well it sure doesn’t look that way” She said resting her head on George’s shoulder “It’s all a mess George”

They sat up there for what felt like hours, reminiscing on their old adventures before everything took a turn for the worse.

“You’re still coming home for Christmas right?” George asked turning to look at her. He couldn’t remember a Christmas where she didn’t come to the burrow, it had become their tradition

“I don’t know George, I don’t think I will. I’ll go home, have a quiet one instead” She hummed, thinking back to her family who all hated Christmas.

“You can’t! It would break mum” He said in an attempt to make her feel a little better “And Ginny, she loves it when you come”

“I don’t think I can George, I don’t want to face him, I don’t even want to look at him” She said unsure if the feelings would go away by Christmas

“Lucky I’m the better looking one eh?” He laughed, grinning proudly as she smiled up at him.

———-

“Come on then how was your Christmas?” Ginny said sitting herself down opposite Y/N

“It was nice” She lied easily “Mum made this massive roast and we all opened our presents all together, even went down to the park to ice skate” She said, hoping that Ginny didn’t catch on

“Wow, sounds pretty incredible” She smiled, “We missed you” she added quietly, with a small glance towards Fred “We all did”

“Don’t be daft, it must have been nice not to have me crashing it” She laughed

“Fred barely left his room” she said sadly “You know he’s really sorry”

“Can we please talk about something else” Y/N practically begged, she had managed to push all the thoughts of Fred to the back of her mind. Hearing that he missed her was something she knew she wouldn't be able to handle.

“Well here comes the post” Ginny said, grateful for the interruption .

A large parcel thumped down on Y/N’s lap. Wrapped in brown paper she pulled at the string carefully. A letter fell out, and a maroon knitted jumper was revealed.

Molly Weasley.

Feeling a few pairs of eyes on her as she pulled the jumper out of the paper, Y/N stood up and ran out of the Great Hall. She had tried her hardest to be strong, but she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. Making her way out into the courtyard she found a corner and sunk down onto a bench

“You okay?” George asked, following her

“Tell your mum thank you, but I can’t accept this” Y/N said

“Of course you can” George cut her off, sitting himself next to her “It’s Fred who messed up, not us”

“George, it hurts okay. It hurts to know that I’m not only loosing Fred, but i’m loosing you too. I can’t come between you two. I wont let myself”

“You’re not loosing me you muppet” He argued, only to be cut off  by her

“Yes I am. I couldn’t write to you this Christmas, because I didn’t know what I could say to you that I didn’t want to talk about with you and Fred. I couldn’t tell you I had an awful Christmas because I didn’t want to let Fred know that I wasn’t doing ok”

“You had a bad Christmas?” George said

“You know my family, they don’t do Christmas. But that isn’t the point” She said “The point is-”

“I messed up. That’s what the point is” Fred said making his way towards the bench

“I think you should go” Y/N said slowly look Fred up and down

“Just let me talk” he said calmly

“I’ll leave you two to it” George said giving Y/N a small sideways hug

“I can’t apologise because I know it wont help” Fred started “I was angry at you. I thought you were flirting with that Hufflepuff boy, I heard him talking to his friends about how fit you were and it annoyed me. I wanted to get back at you. I wasn’t thinking” He said

“Fred why would I look at anyone when I had you”

“Have” He corrected quickly “You’ve still got me, I know we aren’t together but there isn’t anyone else”

“Freddie” She sighed “All we do is argue” “Not any more, c’mon Y/N. We love each other, we can get through this” He promised, his tone was desperate, voice wavering slightly as though tears were about to fall

“I’ve been an idiot. Christmas was hell without you. Mum was miserable, and angry with me when I told her. Dad had to stop her from driving to your house to pick you up” He chuckled slightly “Ginny told me you had a pretty great Christmas”

“I lied to her, mum and dad didn’t even realise I was home. They went on some couples retreat” She laughed

“So you didn’t go ice skating?” She shook her head “And you didn’t have a massive Christmas dinner?” Once again shook her head “And you didn’t have loads of presents?” She shook her head again “I’m sorry Y/N”

“It’s fine, I did Christmas my own little way” She smiled.

They settled into a silence, neither one wanting to break the comfort that they had so desperately missed. Fred placed a tentative arm around her shoulders

“You know I love you right?” He said

“Fred don’t” She started

“I’m being serious Y/N” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face “I love you”

“I love you too but everything is just so much” She huffed sadly

“We love each other, that’s all that matters right?” He said grasping at any little hope that they might be okay

“Yeah, that’s all that matters” She said, wrapping her arms around him. Nestling her head into his neck.

“Are my favourite couple back tougher?” George shouted from the other side of the courtyard quickly making his way over

“How long have you been waiting there?” Y/N laughed

“Since I left” He grinned mischievously “So?”

“Yes we’re back together” Y/N grinned happily

“I’ll go write to mum! She’ll be expecting you at ours next holiday. Don’t tell the others but you’re her favourite” George winked as he skipped off

“Remind me again why I stick around with you two insufferable idiots” She shook her head laughing

“Well you’re stuck with us now” Fred grinned.

[brelione]

Love and Hate (The Best Boys)

dude come on. you said you’d upload the next chapter on christmas and now it’s been a whole week after and it’s still not out. :(, hi! when are you posting the next chapter of tbb??, tbb????, Are you posting the next chapter of best boys soon? I miss her, when will you be posting the next part of the best boys series??, Ok I’m over TBB I’m just gonna say she ends up with Blah Blah and they live happily ever after, the end. Thank you for the amazing read, it has been fun❤️, TBB is literally the last series I have to finish before I can finally peace out of the shithole that is the OBX fandom for good but like no rush or anything baby❤️,When do you think you’ll be posting the last chapters of TBB?, Hey queen how’s the writing for best boys going, 

Series Masterlist

SHES HEREEEE

Yes, im aware this chapter is all over the place. I went through writing four different versions of this chapter and this is the one that I decided to go with. I know that this one is kind of a little ahfioshviowenvionae but it all comes together next chapter (I already started writing the next chapter). Im so sorry that this is so late. I’ve been having issues for a little bit. My grandfather and my dog passed away and I recently had a relapse and I think that’s why it was taking me so long. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter <3

Warnings:Nothing really, swearing and unedited. Also im sorry if you dont like this chapter but like....yeah.

You were awoken to the sounds of screaming.Topper ended up at the foot of the bed, Kelce still clinging onto you.Rafe was absent from his spot but the mattress was still warm and had a slight dent which let you know that he hadnt been gone long.

You had spent most of the night trying to find the perfect spot on the mattress, one arm thrown over kelce and your heel against the back of Toppers thigh.It seemed like it hadnt been a super long time since the sun had risen which meant that it was probably around seven in the morning by now.

Your heart was thumping in your chest, trying to pay attention to what the voices were shouting.Something about a mess and irresponsibility but you couldnt hear much besides that.Rafe stomped up the stairs, opening his door.He was shirtless, face red from yelling and his eyes slightly watery.You sat up, making Kelce grumble.

 Rafe’s jaw was slightly dropped, his nose beginning to run and his body trembling.“Hey, what happened?”You asked, gaining Kelce’s attention.Topper’s eyes opened slightly, looking over at Rafe.The tall boy didnt say anything, he just dragged his feet across the room and sat back on the bed, mumbling.You were hesitant to grip his hand, squeezing lightly.

He just stared at a wrinkle in the blanket but the sound of something breaking downstairs told you that it had been more than just bickering.Kelce was worried, knowing that his parents had gotten home late last night and would see the mess he had created. “He doesnt want me living here anymore.”Rafe spoke up, a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

You pulled him closer to you, arms around his shoulders as he sobbed, your fingers rubbing against the back of his neck.He squeezed you tightly when he head footsteps coming up the stairs, silently praying to any god that would listen that it wouldnt be Ward.Kelce’s phone kept buzzing but he ignored it, knowing exactly what it was.

He knew that it was coming and he would be lying if he said that he didnt expect it, nervous the whole night as he waited for his phone to blow up.“What are you gonna do?”Topper asked.As much as you wanted to scold him for asking that when Rafe clearly didnt want to talk about it it was still something that you had also been wondering.

Rafe didnt answer, taking in a deep, shaky breath that hurt his ribs before picking up his head and looking over to his friend. “I dont know.”He admitted.His voice hurt your heart, the realisation kicking in that there wasnt really many places that he could go.

Kelce’s phone buzzed again, all of your eyes falling on him.He sighed, glancing at his screen.He had missed calls from his parents, dozens of text in all caps telling him to come home immediately. “They found the door.”He replied, keeping his voice calm.A new wave of silence washed over the room, not knowing what to say to that.

Your eyes watered as you remembered how simple life was a few weeks ago, all of you eating breakfast, watching criminal minds and laughing as Topper recorded it all on his snapchat.Now everything was completely falling apart.You didnt say anything, trying to think of a solution.Rafe couldnt go to Kelce’s house or Topper’s house since Topper’s mother had one of those security cameras outside of her home and she’d recognize him immediately.

She was still pissy about Topper’s accident, she’d explode if he let friends over. “SO what happens now?”Topper asked.You were all out of ideas.A simple drive or icecream or a movie couldnt solve any of this. “I mean...think about it.We’re adults, right?Child protective services cant stop us if we leave.”Kelce muttered.Rafe nodded, snapping his fingers.

 “Yeah, yeah!You’re right.”He agreed, causing your eyes to widen.They were acting insane. They couldnt be serious about just getting up and leaving forever, right? “No, no hes not.We cant just-we cant just leave!”You exclaimed.They were actually going crazy.How could they even think like that? “Why?What do you have here, (Y/N)?”He asked.You paused, thinking about it.

You didnt really have anything.You had your house of course but other than that you had nothing but memories and your boys.You didnt want to admit that he was right, letting out a quiet sigh. “But leaving forever isnt the answer.”You muttered.Rafe rubbed your back, shaking his head. “Doesnt have to be forever, baby.”He answered. 

“But- but just cause we arent kids doesnt mean we cant be registered as missing people.They’ll come after us.”You told them.You knew that nobody outside of this room actually cared about you enough to report you as missing but you were scrambling through your thoughts, desperately hunting for a reason to stay on the shitty island that you had learned to love so much.Topper shrugged, not really caring. 

“Guys, guys. Okay, look. You’re all fucked, ill admit it. But thats fine! Are you guys forgetting that I still have a house- you guys can just stay there until this whole thing blows over just like you always have!”You reminded them, hoping they’d agree. “This isnt gonna blow over, (Y/N). I cant come back here.”Rafe told you, becoming aggravated. 

“THEN MOVE IN! All of you guys, you can just move in, okay? You dont have to leave- I still have my moms money! We’ll figure it out as we go and…. And it’ll be fine.”You insisted. “Move in with you?”Rafe asked. You nodded, wiping your nose. “You practically live with me already, it wont be that different.”You told him, gripping his hand.

 It was a messy blur as Rafe packed his things, grabbing anything that he thought could be important. A photo of his mother, his birth certificate and diploma, laptop and ipad, the Frozen ll record. Kelce and Topper just watched, neither of them ready for anything like this so early in the morning. 

Maybe if you werent so tired and upset you wouldnt have said it, but here you were in Rafe’s truck, a dufflebag full of his things at your feet with the boys in the backseat as he drove to your house, a few tears rolling down his cheeks as the thoughts finally took over his brain. Kelce had got aggravated and shut down his phone entirely, staring out the window. 

The last thing you were expecting was to come down your road only to see a car that was practically falling apart already in your driveway, a tall man with his hands over his forehead as he tried to look in your windows. “What the fuck….”Rafe muttered, reaching for the door handle when you gripped his hand. “Dont, we dont know what he’s doing.”You told him, hoping he’d listen.

 Turns out he wasnt the one you had to worry about, Kelce swinging his door open and sprinting up your driveway before anyone could even stop him. Wherever Kelce went Topper went, the boy struggling to get the seatbelt over his cast before jumping out of the truck and nearly falling into a puddle. “ESCUSE ME! MR SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING IN MY HOUSE?”Kelce shouted, purposely making his voice deeper.

 The man turned, confused as to why two half asleep teenage boys were walking towards him. “Your house?”The man asked. “Yes, sir. You ever heard of a gay couple before?”Topper asked, making Kelce break character for a moment. 

“Well, no, its not that. Its just that I thought this was someone elses house.”The man muttered, confused. You had slid down your seat, hoping that the man wouldnt see you. “He’s about to leave.”Rafe whispered. 

“Who’s the other guy in the car?”The man asked, pointing to Rafe’s figure. Kelce glanced over at Topper with wide eyes, trying to think. “Our son.”Kelce replied, cringing the moment he said it. The man only looked more confused, looking between the two boys. “How old are you guys?”The man asked, clearly not buying their story. 

“Excuse me? Are you saying that we’re too old to have a son? I did not spend years training for a medical degreee to have some random old man come and tell us how old our son can be!”Topper exclaimed.  “I didnt spend years trying to find a surrogate and figuring out a way to make a robot nanny for this!”He sighed, trying his best not to smile.

“Could you please leave the property before we call the police?”Kelce asked. The man was beyond confused at this point, quickly making his way to his shitty car before slowly backing out of the driveway, eyes still scanning the area before he gave up and went down the street. 

You let out a sigh of relief, moving to get up when Rafe placed his hand on top of your head to keep you down. “Hes coming around again.”He whispered to you, taking in a shaky breath and holding it in his lungs as the car passed a second time. Topper and Kelce were standing by the door, staring at Rafe almost as telling him to get out and make a run for it.

 “Open the door in 3...2…”You didnt wait, jumping out and running towards the house, typing in the key pad as quick as you could, Topper’s hand pushing you inside. “Here he comes again!”He exclaimed, coming in right behind you along with the others before Rafe slammed the door shut and locked it, letting out a laugh.

 “Oh god, that was scary.”He chuckled. Kelce and Topper nodded as well, eventually laughing. “Was that my dad?”You asked. “Maybe.”Topper answered. Now that you thought about it, your dad didnt same important. Nothing did. You lived on a huge rock that’s floating around space and you’re concerned about your dad when your boyfriends best friends are moving in.

 “What’d you tell him?”You asked. “We told him that we’re a gay couple, Topper’s a doctor and Rafe is our child.”Kelce replied. You giggled, snorting. “I mean, as you should.”You replied. “Hell yeah.”Kelce grinned. Topper tapped at his arm. “Bro, you wanna get married?”Topper asked. Kelce laughed again, nodding.

 “I’ll get baptised and get you guys married!”Rafe volunteered, all of you turning to look at him. “Did you just say baptised?”Kelce asked. Rafe nodded, eyebrows furrowing. “Is that not the right word?”He asked. Topper shook his head. “The word is ordained.”He informed the tall boy. “He’s trying his best.”You replied, sitting down on the chair that you werent used to sitting in. 

“You think he’s gonna come back?”You asked. Topper groaned, sitting down. “Well, I hope not. I dont want my husband and I to have to fight him.”He grinned. You rolled your eyes, changing positions in the chair. “Did he look like me?”You asked, leaning your head against the arm rest, groaning when Rafe pushed your legs aside and sat down with you.

 “Not really… he had rat tails for eyebrows.”Kelce replied, putting his fingers over his eyebrows. “Do I have rat tail eyebrows?”You asked, grinning when Rafe reached forward and poked your eyebrow, a chuckle slipping past his lips. “You wish.”He replied. “Fuck off.”You answered. “Dont be fucking rude.”He grinned, kissing you quickly before pulling away with a small smile. 

You were shocked, trying to hide your surprise. It wasnt like you werent used to kissing Rafe by now, it was just that he had never done it in front of the boys before. They looked nearly as confused as you, the thought of Rafe kissing you in front of them never even being a concern until now. They were used to him getting most of your love and attention but that had just stirred something within them. 

“So how are we gonna do this? I dont know about you guys but im not going back to my house anytime soon.”Kelce announced. Rafe lifted his head, looking over to the boy. “You could always sneak in your own window to grab your things...maybe wait until theyre at work. What about you, Top?”Rafe asked, turning his attention to the blonde boy. 

“What do I have at my house that I need? Like, really need.”He asked, grinning when none of you could answer. “Problem solved.”He replied. “What time is it?”Rafe asked, breaking the silence. “Ten.”Kelce replied, closing his eyes as he leaned against the couch. “Im going upstairs to take a nap then.”Topper yawned, slowly making his way down the hall into the first floor guest room. 

It was arguably the worst since it also worked as your moms office, a queen bed pushed into the corner. You wiggled out of Rafe’s grip, smiling when he whined. You went into the kitchen, grabbing a poptart. For the situation you felt rather calm, opening the silver package and taking a bite of one of the sweet pastries. 

The energy in the house felt different than it had yesterday. You werent sure why, maybe it was just the comfort of knowing that the boys were going to be living with you now and you wouldnt have to worry as much about Rafe or Topper’s relationship with his mom. 

“So how are we gonna handle this?”Kelce asked, confusing you. “The house, I mean. You have this whole house and like...30 million dollars. We can literally redecorate however we want, maybe even clean out your moms office if youre okay with it.”He suggested. 

You nodded, the idea of getting the memory of your mother cleansed from your life sounded appealing. His excitement took over as he opened his amazon prime app, looking for new decor. “How do you feel about your moms room?”He asked, not wanting to push your limits. You shrugged, swallowing part of the pastry. “Shes not using it.”You replied, surprised by how morbid you sounded. 

He simply nodded, shifting in his seat as he added things to his cart. “Can we redo your room? It’s been the same color since we were fourteen.”Rafe suggested. You shrugged, not really caring. You didnt spend a large amount of time in your bedroom anyways. You scrolled through your phone for a few minutes, seeing a little red bubble next to your messaging app that let you know that you had gotten a text. Curious, you opened it. 

As soon as you saw who it was a pit grew in your stomach, eyes widening. It was her. “Sweet words, (Y/N).”The text read. You knew that it was your uncle just trying to mess with you but it still caused your anxiety to skyrocket, deciding to block the number and place your phone between your thighs, taking in a deep breath through your nose. 

Topper dragged his feet, coming out of the room with a frown. “That’s the most uncomfortable bed in all of history.”He muttered, sitting down on the couch instead. “You can go upstairs.’You reminded him, feeling your phone buzz against your inner thigh. 

He just hummed, leaning his head against the back of the couch. “How long was I in there?”He asked. “Literally not even ten minutes.”Kelce replied, still scrolling. “Did I miss anything?”Topper asked. You didnt reply, breaking off another piece of the poptart. “We’re gonna redecorate the house.”Kelce answered. Topper nodded, lifting his head.

 “Does that mean that office too?”Topper asked. You nodded, staring at a spot on your carpet. “Does that mean we get to open the file cabinet in the guest room?”He asked, all of you looking over at him. The thought made you feel nauseous. Even if she wasnt here to yell at you you knew that opening the file cabinet would still scare you anyways. 

“If theres a dead body in there I swear to god-”You muttered, earning a chuckle from Rafe. “A body couldnt fit in there.”he replied, making your eyebrows furrow. “How do you know where bodies can fit?”You asked. “No, no. Like, its not….well...maybe a raccoon body.”He admitted. “Rafe!”You exclaimed, smacking his thigh. 

He rolled his eyes, pulling you into his lap. “There’s no raccoon body.”He answered. “I think theres a raccoon body.”Kelce replied. “Theres not.”You answered. Topper grinned, skipping into the room and beginning to open the cabinet, the three of you following him. “Okay, who votes raccoon body?”He asked, his hand on the knob. 

Kelce raised his hand, grabbing your arm to make you hold your hand up as well. “Ready?”Topper asked before pulling the door open, looking into it. His face fell immediately, not expecting this. “What?”You asked, stepping past Kelce and looking into the cabinet.Guns were being held by small metal pieces, multiple clear bags full of plants and needles on the floor, bullets on sashes hanging with the guns.

 The two of you just stared, ignoring Rafe and Kelce until they came up behind you, equally as confused. “What the fuck?”Rafe asked, seeing the bags. Kelce slammed the doors shut, locking it. “We’re not telling anyone about this, right?”He asked, looking at all of you. “What are we gonna do with all that? We cant just keep it here!”Topper argued. 

Rafe shrugged, resting his elbow on your shoulder. “We smoke the weed and throw the guns in the river, obviously.”Rafe answered. “We’re not smoking weed, Rafe.”You answered. “Well your mom didnt have a liscense to carry, right?”Kelce asked. You shook your head, figuring it would be hung up somewhere in the house to remind you of the power she had.

 “Right, okay. So we cant call the cops and we cant keep it here.”Kelce answered, clicking the lock on the cabinet. “What’d your mom even do for a living?”Topper asked. You frowned, thinking back. You never really knew what your mother did, you just stayed quiet and hoped you wouldnt make her angry. She’d disappear for months, money would appear in your bank account, she’d pay the bills aned thats all you needed to know. 

She’d have long phone calls with people in her office, grounding you if you even dared to listen. “I dont know.”You replied, cringing at how stupid you sounded. “She has these cabinets all over the house, doesnt she?”Kelce asked. “The one in her room is actual files.”You told him, hoping that there were no sorts of hidden things in her room.

 “Should we go check?” Rafe asked, out of the room with a grin before any of you could even answer. You sighed, slightly annoyed that he was treating this like a scavenger hunt. “Its been here this whole time, im sure nothings gonna happen.”Kelce assured you, patting you on the shoulder before his fingers tickled your arm and wrist, gripping your hand and bringing you upstairs. 

“I ordered some tapestries, succulents, fake vines and some new blankets for our new movie room.”He told you, nearly slipping up. “Movie room?”You asked, nearly slipping on the stairs. “Your mom has a big tv, I figured it could be like a second living room if you’re comfortable with that.”He answered, pausing at the top of the stairs so he could wait for you. 

Rafe was in your mother’s room, carefully pulling on the drawers, eventually finding out that the top one was locked. He looked over at you, silently asking if you knew where the key was. You shook your head, letting go of Kelce’s hand and opening the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. 

Your mother kept most of your medical documents and anything like that to herself along with basically everything that proved you existed. Baby photos, ultra sounds, old school tests. “We could just move it into the other guest room.”Rafe muttered, hoping he wasnt making you upset. You ignored him, looking through all the little colored tags, your eyes falling on a silver tag, your eyebrows furrowing. No other ones had that color. 

You picked it up, sitting down and reading it over. The words were all bundled together, ink scratches and smudges told you that it wasnt a serious document. The only word you could make out was ‘arsonist’. Nothing else was eligible. “Can we take it right now?”You asked, placing the paper on the floor and closing the drawer. Rafe nodded, Kelce grabbing one side while Rafe grabbed the other. Topper grinned, leaning against your mothers unused desk.

 “I would help but my arms broken.”he laughed, watching as Kelce struggled, walking backwards. “Some moral support would be great.”Kelce rolled his eyes. You grinned, slowly clapping. “Great job, guys. You’re doing great moving that illegal file cabinet.”You held back a laugh. They turned carefully, shuffling as they eventually got to the guest bedroom.

 “How do you feel about this?”Topper asked, sitting down on the chair. You sighed, shrugging. “I mean, you know. Its not that I dont love the idea of you guys being here but like… its the circumstances.”You answered, sighing when he pulled you closer with his good arm, rubbing your back. “Thanks a lot for this, though. Like in all seriousness im really grateful that you’re in my life.”He blushed, looking up at you. You smiled, kissing his nose lightly.

 “I mean, I do provide you with half of the drama in your life.”You giggled, kissing him gently. “Where does the other half come from?”He asked. You shrugged, sighing. “Probably you.”You answered. “I cant believe you’d say that to me! You know im at a bad place in life and you put me in this terrible situation when you know that!”He fake cried, bursting into laughter. 

“Kourtney dont laugh at me!”You exclaimed. You felt a vibration under your feet, hearing a loud, dramatic sigh and the sound of skin colliding. They had successfully moved the file cabinet, the door closing as their loud footsteps hit the floor as they entered your mother’s room again. Rafe took a moment to look around, sometimes forgetting that the room even existed. 

It was the biggest room in the house, the ceiling going up at least twenty feet with only glass separating the room from the outside world. His mind wandered, thinking of all the fun nights the two of you could have in here watching the stars or listening to the rain.

 The bed was large and still, the blankets and sheets unwrinkled and untouched. He understood why you were creeped out by the house now, feeling like he didnt belong in the room. You all took turns trying to figure out what the writing said, eventually deciding that it probably wasnt even in english. “Should we put it through google translate?”Rafe asked, staring at the paper. 

Kelce shook his head. “Nah, its not reliable. I tried using it for spanish class in freshman year and I got detention.”He replied. “Well thats definitely not spanish. Maybe its like…. Ancient text.”Topper suggested, causing you to frown. “I highly doubt that my mother would know an ancient text. 

Maybe we should just leave it.”You answered. Although you werent exactly satisfied with it you just didnt feel like spending your time trying to decode a random paper. They didnt seem satisfied either but didnt want to push you, putting the paper down on the desk where it would be safe from your footsteps. 

Of course the boys just couldnt stay at the same place for long periods of time, deciding to suggest that you guys go out to a store to get some paint for the boring walls. You agreed, the four of you getting into your car instead of Rafe’s truck, locking all the doors and windows before you left. 

Kelce didnt suggest a McDonalds run which caused you to frown, knowing that he was probably too stressed to want to eat. You guys went into Walmart with one goal, heading right for the paint section and looking at the wall of colors. “Lets get four colors and kind of just make it up as we go.”Kelce muttered, looking at all the different shades.

 “We could all pick one out.”Topper suggested, reaching forward and picking a bright green. You agreed, picking a shade of light purple, watching as Kelce picked the color toffee biscuits and Rafe went for cotton blue. You doubted any of the colors would actually look good together but that wasnt the point of the project. 

It was more about making the room look fun rather than nice. Kelce grabbed a few large paint brushes, the four of you leaving before you could get distracted by anything that you didnt need. Topper decided to get right to work, spilling some paint on the floor as he dragged the brush along the wall, creating bright stripes.

 “I have an artistic vision! Trust the process!”He exclaimed, feeling your judgemental eyes on him. You didnt say anything, watching Kelce struggle to connect his phone to your speaker, playing the first song on his playlist. 

Line without a hook. Topper looked over at you, almost like he was silently asking you if you had told the boys about his top secret playlist. You shrugged, not wanting to give anything away to the others.

 “Oh my god, I love this song.”Rafe dunked his brush in the light blue, making a smiley face on the wall. “Can I paint an onion?”He asked. You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he wanted to put an onion on the wall. 

“Ogres are like onions! We have layers!”Kelce laughed. “Who is we? Are you an ogre, Kelce?”Topper asked, not taking his eyes off of the bright stripes, painting a circle on the top. “Topper Harry Katherine Thornton, are you painting a penis on my wall?”You asked, connecting the dots. 

He grinned, ignoring you. “Of course not.”He replied, painting frantically so that you couldnt stop him, green drops rolling down the wall. You picked up your paint brush, painting two circles quicklly before pushing the brush into the center of each, laughing to yourself.

 “Guys, really?”Rafe asked. “Cant we make the wall wholesome?”He asked. You shook your head, a smile on your face. “Says you of all people, Rafe.”You shook your head. “She got you there.”Topper replied, dragging the brush across the painting and blending it out so there was no longer a penis on your wall. 

“What are you doing now?”You asked, wanting to one up him. “What are you doing now?” He mocked you. Somehow you ended up splashing Topper with paint and getting tackled into the mattress as he held the paintbrush over you, trying to get the bright green liquid on your face while you held his arm back. 

“Im gonna murder you!”You laughed, rolling over under him so your face was against the mattress. “Im gonna paint your hair!”He laughed, holding the brush just above it. “Topper, dont mess with her hair.”Kelce took the brush away. 

Topper groaned, falling next to you on the mattress. His eyes were closed, the sun from the window casting a beautiful glow over his face, a small smile tugging at the side of his mouth. You pressed a kiss to his cheekbone, your arm resting on his torso. 

It didnt take long for painting to be forgotten, a few cheap bristles sticking to the wall with messes of colorful lines and unfilled shapes. The song changed, followed by a loud gasp from Rafe. “This is my favorite song!”He smiled, hitting his knees with his fists repeatedly. 

He didnt know what about it made him so happy, whenever he heard it it reminded him of you guys. “You know what we should do?”Topper asked. “No.”Kelce replied while Rafe rewinded the song to listen to his favorite part again. 

“We should make soup. Like, spicy soup with potatoes.”He replied, mouth watering. “We could just order soup.”Kelce replied, not in the mood to go downstairs and hunt for ingredients. “Order soup from where?”Topper asked. Kelce simply shrugged, shifting around and putting his arms under his body.

That had been a week ago. Since then a lot had happened. You guys had developed a system, Kelce could do his laundry on Saturdays, Rafe on Mondays and Topper’s just got mixed in with yours.

 It was a love and hate relationship to have them there with you. You didnt regret your decision but sometimes things would get difficult. Grocery shopping was the worst since nobody could decide what they wanted and you had all agreed not to eat out as much. 

“We need an actual meal, we cant just eat chips for everything.”Topper would grumble, realising he didnt even really know how to cook. That just lead to late flights of searching for recipes o pinterest and watching Gordon Ramsey tiktoks until they decided to try and make bake and shake chicken. That didnt really work out well, having to open all of your windows and get the smoke out of your house. 

Then you guys decided to take a new approach, finding a ton of frozen pizzas and ingredients for sushi. Kelce was the only one who had any idea of what he was doing since he had always been talented in the kitchen, specifically with breakfast. That became more of a safe meal for you guys, making extra food in the morning to eat later for dinner until you got sick of toast, eggs and bacon. 

Kelce ended up banishing you all to the pool so that he could decorate properly, vines hanging from the door ways and landscape tapestries hanging in your living room, hallway and your mother’s old bedroom. “How long do you think he’s gonna be?”You asked, floating on your back in the shallow end, letting out a yelp when Topper grabbed you and dragged you to the deep end. 

“I dont know, probably like three days.”He replied, finally letting go once you were in the middle of the pool. “We could survive three days in the pool.”You replied, watching Rafe shake his head. “With my allergy to the sun?”He asked, making you turn over, going underwater for a moment. “You dont even sunburn.”You told him, splashing water in his direction before swimming away quickly so that he couldnt get back at you.

 Kelce kept getting calls from his parents that were asking him to come home but he never did. They knew where he was, if they wanted him back so badly they’d drive over and take him away. “Guys, i’ve finished my creation.”Kelce announced, coming outside. “So we can come in now?”Topper asked, gripping the ledge of the pool and pulling himself out, falling onto his stomach as he struggled to get up.

 “Yes, you can come in now! Hurry!”Kelce yelled excitedly before going back inside, waiting impatiently for you guys to hurry. Rafe helped you out of the pool, tossing you your towel so that you wouldnt trail water through your house. “Guys! Come on!”Kelce shouted again, the three of you walking across the hot pavement quickly.

 “I’ll clean up the water after- just come see what I did!”He said again. You rolled your eyes, walking into the house. Goosebumps formed on y0our skin from the cool air, eyes widening as you looked at the kitchen. He had bought a plaid tablecloth for the table, vines hanging from the ceiling and doorways, a tie dye tapestry hanging in your living room. It looked like he had taken the time to wipe down every surface and vacuum any mess of broken spaghetti or eggshells that had been kicked under the fridge.

 “Do you like it?”He asked, unable to read your shocked expression. “Kelce, im gonna be honest with you. I feel like im in pixie hollow right now.”You grinned, making him smile. “I think thats a good thing- but upstairs is better!’He exclaimed before making his way up the stairs. He was right. 

There were marble heart shaped tiles hanging on the walls of the hall, a sign on the new hangout spot that was made out of drift wood. He opened the door, revealing bean bag chairs on the floor, a new carpet, a light yellow canopy hanging over the bed that had all new sheets and blankets on it as well. 

He had even somehow managed to fix the paint on the wall so that there were different colored polka dots all over it. The boys seemed equally impressed, still taking it in. You hugged Kelce, not even caring that you’d get his clothes wet. “So I did good?” He asked, hugging you back. “You always do good.”You replied, feeling him hug you tighter.

 “So you’re happy?”He asked, letting out a small sigh when you nodded. “I am happy, Kelce.”you replied, kissing him lightly. He smiled against you, taking in a deep breath. “I found a new recipe for fancy grilled cheese.”He told you, kissing your forehead. This was something that you loved about having them live with you.

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[fafulous]

Take Me Home (4/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Chapter Warnings: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS (BOOK Ending), Reminiscing the Loss of a loved one.

Andy soon came to realise that walking out on you was never ever really a solution. In reality he knew with his current state, without you he was doomed.

He needed you because he has no one. He needed you because it was his chance at something new; something no one would understand.

He needs you because in between all those shenanigans in these few months, he was falling hard for you.

But he did what he had to that day because he just wanted some space. In his head it seemed to be fine, but alas it hurt like a bitch.

On the other hand, Nikolai had no idea what was going on. It only took him minutes to fall in love with his new room. The lights, the colour of the room made him so jubilant, later on only to see you a bit unhappy. You were able to deflect from your son’s questions, but how on earth were you going to tell him that Andy won’t be meeting him anymore.

It hurt. So hard. All you needed was one conversation with him to settle things away but he wanted his space and so you half heartedly respected it.

Nikolai on the other hand was hitting a real low seeing you unhappy the whole day sporting stuffy red eyes. Like any other kid, Nikolai jumped to the conclusion that their mother is crying because she got a boo-boo or lost her favourite toy.

But that little brain of his pieced it slowly once he realised Andy never visited them for any of the dinner nights.

“Mommy pwese don’t cwy” his nimble fingers wiping your fat tears rolling down your cheek.

“I know peaches. I’m trying so hard to get Andy back okay. I’m sorry for crying around you like this baby.”

“B-but Wandi pwomised he neva gonna hurt you mommi…”

“Oh Niko,” you wiped the cookie crumbs around his tiny lips, “Your little brain won’t get it. It’s okay.”

“No. Not owkay. Wandi hurt you. Wandi bad. I don’t wike Wandi cahr now.”

You couldn’t help but surpass a giggle. “Niko. Andy is never bad. Never. He is just feeling sad and lonely. We just need to tell him we have him and love him okay?”

Love? Too soon. Maybe it’s more than like but it was too late to change it for your son and for yourself. You always saw how Niko’s eyes sparkled whenever Andy was around; he was soon accepting him to be a member of the household.

“Owkay,” he dug his head to your neck, “I wike Wandi and his cahr.”

–

The following week were hard for you and him. From sharing couches to kisses, now the only thing you both shared were small talks.

Yes. Small Talk. Or texts rather.

Andy told you he finally found a therapist to speak to and slowly expressed his wish to still visit Nikolai till you both figured out what was happening between you two.

Why did this have to get so complicated?

You on the other hand replied he was free to do so because to be real, the little kid missed him too. So, the next day he asked you for permission if he could take Nikolai on a car drive.

You had no idea what would go on in his head at times. From seeing Andy’s perspective, he was denied of the choice of telling you his story. It was his fucked-up childhood, his story that he wanted to tell you. Not a pity tatter-tale gossip story that was to be heard from your characterless, ex-husband.

Andy later in the evening sent a message that he was ready, and you saw the man your heart so longed for.

His eyes were back to being sunken, those blue irises not having the guts to meet yours. His hair was ruffled like he just woke up from a nap. Looking at him made you realise how much your hands were twitching to just hug him. You were reminded of the first night you spent at his house; that blue sweater he gave you while you two made out on his couch for the first time was now worn by him.

You walked towards him as you held Nikolai’s convertible baby seat to be fixed in his car and he was kind enough to open the door for you.

Andy on the other hand knew he had to- no, wanted to strike a conversation with you; but didn’t know what to say.

Hey long time huh?

Y/N. Hey, how are you?

Hey listen…

Nope nothing came out of his mouth while you fixed the seat.

He took in your appearance too; that ray of sunshine that beamed from your smile was non-existent; replaced with a forlorn look that he hated to see on you. The past few days were definitely much harsher on you than it was for him. Andy knew he couldn’t get any more foolish. He had to get back to what you two had before.

He needed it.

“Have we gone back to square one? Because of what? My ex-husband?”

Andy came out of his tiny reverie and focussed back on you. He didn’t pay attention, but he did realise you said something bitter that meant to sting him.

“Honey listen-”

“Oh, don’t you honey me Andy. How could you? How could you be so- so-“ you tried so hard to not break into a stream of tears.

How could you be so hateful to yourself Andy? Did you not trust me?

“How could you just desert me like that? D-did you think I was going to throw away my second chance at life for something you father did? Did you want to throw away your second chance at life because of your father who has no role in our lives right now?”

He sighed dejectedly, disappointed with himself. Hearing your voice break wrecked him, “I know Y/N. I was an asshole that day, leaving you without an explanation.” He found himself taking steps towards you and cupping your cheek, tilting his forehead onto yours, “I am so sorry hon- Y/N. I am sorry.”

You bit your lip and looked up at him, his eyes still closed; now content that he and you could just touch each other after a very long time.

Any other situation, you wouldn’t let a man walkover you so easily after fucking up. But this was Andy. The man who made you believe in second chances. You gave him a first chance already, and now it was again your turn to give him one more.

“You weren’t an asshole Andy,” you held on to his hands, “Its just, I don’t know…”

“I know you know exactly what you want to say Y/N. Just say it.”

You could hear Nikolai running around his circles with his unicorn plush doll behind you, “I was angry when you left, but at the same time I tried to understand your point of view, your emotions and your feelings about this whole situation. But I think or- or I know that I didn’t deserve to be ghosted like that Andy, because I liked you for you, not what your father did, especially when we had something so good going on.”

He removed his hand from your cheeks and looked down like a disappointed child. He knew he was at fault and so he didn’t say anything; head hung in shame looking at the little, carefree boy that he loved so dearly.

“It’s only had if you want it to be,”

“What do you mean?”

You saw a glint of that eagerness that Andy always had with you before, “I told that we had something good going on? It’s only had if you want it to be…“

Andy took some time to find his words. Again. It was the second time he fucked up so bad and here you were, taking him back even after he exploded like a mine. Was this woman for real?

“Of course, I want this honey. I always want us. You’re always so good to me.”

He reached out to graze your cheeks, but he was blocked by your squealing son.

“Cahr Wandi! Can we gooo?”

You were surprised that you weren’t interrupted by your son sooner, but nevertheless your son’s new founded patience was found to be a blessing in disguise.

The cutest sight unfurled before you as Andy made grabby hands at your son, only for the latter to be scooped into Andy’s arms like a cocoon.

“Come on Y/N, join us wont you? For a drive?”

You shook your head, “I think I’ll pass.”

“Y/N. I want to really make it up to you. Like real time. Please come with us?”

“I know Andy, but who will make dinner if I come along with you boys?”

Andy slowly grinned at your implications. He never ceased to be impressed by your gracious generosity and the small acts of kindness.

“I’m not mad, not as much as I was before I promise,” you dared to but tiptoed to place a kiss on his cheek, “We can talk over dinner today.” You saw how his cheek sported a cherry red tint, slowly creeping up till his ear. A teenager in a old man’s body.

“Peaches,” you turned to your son right now jumped into Andy’s arms, nuzzling his face in that soft sweater, “Be good and behave okay peaches? Don’t trouble Wandi- I mean Andy for anything on the way okay?”

Everything drowned inside a chorus of laughter when Andy realised how you had called his name. Niko had no idea what the humour was for but joined the chorus when he found his two most favourite people in the world giggling.

Were you forgoing all that pent-up sadness that this man gave you this week? Yes. Yes you were.

And you would soon realise that it was the best decision you made.

Hours passed by and the boys came back home. Nikolai was gleefully pulling onto Andy’s beard and curiously asking him when he was going to get a ‘bweard’ like him and heard both the boys animatedly inhaling; the smell of aromatic food that stirring their tummies.

“MOMMY IS MAKING PAWSTAHH!”

Andy was so confused. You always made the best Italian food for your child.

“Let’s just say after that episode we had with Chad, I was cooking boring greens and ordering takeout for the little one and me. I lost the will to cook. Thought I’ll revive the poor kid’s taste buds.”

It was always these small gestures that pulled you towards Andy; like this one. He tugged you by your shoulders and placed a soft kiss on your forehead and then cupped your cheeks so lovingly.

“Sorry Momma bear.”

“Shhh. It’s okay grumpy cat,” you winked.

Dinner on the other hand did go relatively smooth than you expected it to. Andy explained himself, his feelings and what he felt that day when he left you and tried his level best to process your emotional state that day.

The baked pasta was licked clean by your two boys and you while Andy also spoke about his past few days with his therapist, who seemed to help him more than he possibly could ever think of. Over a glass of wine, Andy held your hand promising you that he wouldn’t do any more foolish stunts that ended up hurting all of us in the process.

But as you and Andy were doing and drying the dishes, you felt that he was holding back something.

“You’re doing that thing.”

“What thing.”

“That thing you used to do when I used to pick movies that you don’t like.”

His grin could make your whole body mushy and soft like a teenager having their first crush “So? Is that my fault honey?” he feigned hurt, glad that he could now call you back with his favourite sweet name.

“Nah,” you playfully tapped his shoulder. “You give me that look so prominently so that I understand that you want something from me, or you want me to do something for you.”

Andy looked so lost and you knew something was biting his thoughts because he enjoyed doing domestic chores with you; his favourite being you washing the dishes and him drying them out and keeping them inside the cupboards. He didn’t reply until the last wine glass was kept inside the cabinet

“It’s just-” hesitated Andy. You waited patiently for him to find his words.

“It’s about Jacob.”

“Oh.”

For a startling few seconds, you held your breath; thinking about Andy’s son was something wrecked your thoughts and heart every single time.

“My therapist says that I haven’t, you know, fully processed Jacob’s death. Like I’m holding on to something. But parents don’t, right? They can’t move on from their child’s death right? It’s practically impossible.”

You weren’t sure what to say but you nodded, gripping on to his arm and gesturing to sit with you to the couch where little Niko dozed off with two of his stuffed dolls clenched in his hand.

“But she did say one statement that made sense to me, I don’t know. It made sense about how we can’t forget our children who are no longer with us but we can learn to accept the fact that they are no longer with us.”

Oh bub, how much have you been through? “Do you agree with this Andy?” You asked him to keep yourself strong during this conversation for him, and you did.

“Of course, yeah. Maybe. But the thing is I think I haven’t accepted it honey.”

You took both of his hands and squeezed reassuringly, “I have no idea what you are going through bub but I’m glad you are talking to me about this. Take your time; its going to be hard, but I’m right here okay? Whatever you need, I’ll do within my best ability.”

He hummed, but still hesitant.

“Andy its okay, tell me. Talk to me bub.”

He squeezed your palms even more tightly, turning towards you completely. “C-can I ask you a favour? I mean you can say no, I will understand.”

I’m ready to give you all the happiness in the world to you bubba. “Anything for you Andy? Tell me now.”

He didn’t meet your gaze, but instead shifting his focus to trace your knuckles, “My therapist told me to visit Jacob’s grave whenever I was ready, to mourn him, to accept he is no longer with me and you know…talk to him I guess. To process my emotions. And um…Oh god I am a bubbling mess Y/N.”

“Hey its okay baby take your time. There is no pressure.”

“I can’t do this alone honey…I need you there with me. Can you come with me to the graveyard?”

How could you ever say no to this solemn situation?

“Of course, honey. Absolutely anything you need.”

And what seemed like after ages, Andy Barber enveloped you into his signature bear hug. Both of you left a huge sigh of breath, relief washing over that both of you were slowly getting back on track.

Until you heard a rugged whimpers from the little boy beside Andy.

You didn’t want to tell Andy about this, but Nikolai’s nightmares were back and the little boy was finding it difficult to sleep at night. The new nursery still did not work for him, so he ended up sleeping on top of your chest; your heartbeat probably soothing him to sleep.

But Andy the experienced father he was, quickly scooped him into his arms and started cradling him, rocking him side by side with his arms protecting him, humming a familiar soft tune that seemed to calm you in the process too. You saw how Niko’s head was cushioned between Andy’s pecs and muscles, slowly relaxing and nuzzling into his touch.

Niko’s scrunched up face was now back to a peaceful baby lost in slumber. 

Andy met your gaze and blinked at you with a smile and it conveyed so much than you think.

We got this baby. We all gonna get through this.

–

The decision to take Nikolai along with you and Andy was refuted by the latter saying that a young boy like him shouldn’t be visiting such desolate place.

“Children are the embodiment of new birth, new life. And graveyards, quite opposite.”

But you knew secretly he also didn’t was your son to see him in such a vulnerable position. You were grateful for the fact that the rough patch between you and Andy was solved; for the little boy saw Andy as his new father figure with Chad gone away with a new girlfriend.

Talking about Chad, he did not make efforts to meet his son; and you didn’t bother contacting him. Better off without him you wondered.

The drive to Jacob’s grave was a couple of hours away and ride in itself was a quiet one. Andy and you were informally dressed in dull colours, hearts dull too. You knew it was a big step for Andy and you were going to support him till he thinks he is over it. Car windows were rolled down, the fresh air making efforts to refresh you both.

You could also see Andy’s urge to interlink his hands with you while your drove and you did; Gripping onto his palm or occasionally rubbing his shoulders or thighs throughout the ride would help him calm down and relax his creased forehead.

When you both got down from the car it was so hard to read Andy’s thoughts. He came over to you and interlinked your palms and made way to the place where his son was buried.

Jacob’s grave was flowerless when arrived. Andy soon fixed that after leaving a wreath of Jacob’s most favourite flowers, daisies.

A graveyard, a place of death, sprouting trees filled with life here and there. The irony of life.

You didn’t know the boy but the aura of the graveyard, the impersonal feeling towards the dead even though you have no idea who they were beneath the stones made you heart sink. It then came to your senses.

The boy was just fourteen.

Both of you sat down near his grave, not caring about the grass and mud staining your clothes. He finally took away his palms from yours.

Andy spoke some kind words, rekindling memories of his son’s favourite pastime, his favourite stories and one of his embarrassing yet kind-hearted moments. He sought an apology on behalf of his mother, trying to make Jacob understand that his mother loved him so much, that it unfortunately ended tragically.

Another thought popped into your head, how couples these days separate over trivial matters, over materialistic matters, and infidelity. But Andy? He separated because his wife- No no. You didn’t want to complete that thought.

But after a while passed and you decided give Andy some needed space. He was probably going to be anxious, but it was for the best.

“Andy, you feel a bit better?” you whispered.

“You can say probably.”

Here we go. “I’m going to leave you two alone okay?”

“What? Honey. If I can’t-”

“You can Andy. He is your son, remember that. So, don’t hold back. I know you wanted me to be here with you and I did and I’m so proud of you, bubba,” you stroked his hair. “But unintentionally you may be holding back on expressing because I’m here and that’s normal.”

Why are you so good to me?

“I’m just going to be near the parking lot okay? I’m not going anywhere,” you reassured him with a peck on his cheek and made your way back.

You shed your tears while you sat inside his car, thinking about the little boy. It was difficult thinking of losing a loved one that you gave birth to. He was too young. Too fucking young.

Oh, this cruel world, how you hated it so immensely right now.

Half hour passed by and you saw Andy making his way towards the car. It was so strange to think of this, but he didn’t look red eye rimmed like you; he looked the same with much more solemnity. He didn’t cry and that slightly bothered you. Maybe you had to accept the fact that different people process emotions differently.

He got into the car and took in your red eyes. He knew you had cried. Seeing you like that made his pull your lips onto his for just a chaste kiss, the first time you two felt each other’s lips after an eon. All he breathed into your lips was that we are going to be okay and drove back home with no word exchanged. For the upcoming hours, the fresh air offered you comfort, drying out those spilt tears along with the lingering touch of his palms; interlinked like their souls.

After coming back, you took advantage of Andy’s silence and maneuvered him to your home. He seated himself on the couch pulling out his phone and wallet from his pants and placed it on the coffee table.; trying to steal a quick nap while you picked up Nikolai from your neighbour Mr. Arthur.

Andy sleeping gave you an immense sense of peace, but for the little boy in your hands; not so much.

“WANDI!!!!”

He groggily woke up thanks to Nikolai running towards him, lying on his chest like he does with you. “Hey buddy.”

“You home yaay!” Probably meant that he was excited to see the man in house like the usual dinner nights. Nikolai calling him and telling he was home pricked him and at the same time felt so right. As cliché as it sounds, he always has heard this quote where Home is never a place with four walls to cover your head; home is where the heart is.

His heart was with you and Nikolai.

After eating Andy, and you began to do your dish washing routine, this time he washing the dishes. He was slow, but that was alright, you had all the time in the world.

Niko on the other hand was singing all the rhymes he learnt from daycare in different pitches, earning a chuckle from the both of you here and there. He was also carelessly playing with Andy’s phone and wallet, both of you seeing that the little boy had dropped all the contents of the wallet on to the floor. Once they were done Andy picked up the falling things patiently without chiding the little one like any other adult would. 

He picked up his Dollar bills, receipts and then a forgotten thin strip of a photo roll.

It was him and Jacob.

The roll had four pictures of him and his son posing for the silliest pictures, the first three with their tongues sticking out in the goofiest angle possible. The last one however was so pure; Andy giving a  forehead kiss to Jacob because he was so proud of his son, remembering he had bagged the highest grade in English that term in school.

Minutes pass and he didn’t notice his waterworks brimming. A blink and they would fall down.

And they did, when he heard Nikolai nudging him by the thigh. “Why you cwyin Wandi?”

That startled you enough to stop whatever it was you were doing and went to see what was happening.

Oh bubba.

You sat near Andy, touching his thigh for comfort while your son got closer to the photo that was in Andy’s slightly quaking hands.

“Who that Wandi?”

“Th-thats my son buddy. His name was Jacob.”

“Can he play with me Wandi?”

Everything just pricked. The boy’s innocent questions and Andy’s realisation of his emotions. This was too much to bear.

“No buddy he can’t-“

A hand around his shoulder, it was you. When he looked up his eyes were blurry from the tears that were falling. He was so upset he didn’t even realise you were next to him. It was you. Only you.

It was then you realised it finally that it hit Andrew that his son was dead.

“You don’t have to answer that Andy. He’s just a kid. It’s okay.”

The little one feeling that he had said something wrong hugged his arms with his little arms. “I’m sowwy Wandi. Don’t cwy.”

“I’m not buddy, I-I’m not.” He reassured the kid, and falsely assuring himself too.

“Wandi, I’m feelin sleepy…” “Yeah, let’s get you to bed buddy,” he cooed with his quivering voice.

“Andy I’ll take him-” But he refused to and took the child. You took a few minutes to pull yourself together after witnessing Andy so vulnerable. Even in these moments, he took care of your son. When you reached the nursery, Andy was whispering a lullaby to a dozed off Niko for a good ten minutes. He even spoke to the little boy, telling him that the measly Audi car painting he did in the room was going to protect him and his nightmares; and the boy believed because Andy said so.

Few minutes later and Andy didn’t refuse to hold back.

“I held Jacob like Nikolai, put him to sleep like Nikolai. My sweet precious baby,  my innocent child Jacob. He didn’t do anything and he is away from me Y/N. Far far away-”

Andy let out a loud whimpering cry, the sound swallowed when he buried his head into your neck and your tears began streaming, him sobbing uncontrollably the next minute.

Andy and your tears began streaming; you pulled yourself together soon but Andy? He was weeping uncontrollably. You only could take him in your arms and offer him comfort. No words could heal his wounds instantly. He buried his face into your neck, his safe place, which made you remember the initial days with Andy when he lent a shoulder when you cried. Now it was your turn.

You whispered in ears how it was best not to do this near Niko and maneuvered Andy to your room. He held onto your arms as you took him to your room. You urged Andy to talk to you if the visit to the grave was still bothering him. He sought recluse in your safe place again, lying down on the bed, head tucked in your neck.

“Andy you can tell me anything. I promise it won’t affect whatever is between us.”

It was too twisted, he was distraught. He ranted about Laurie and how she unravelled into killing her own son. He slipped some details of how Laurie always kept bringing up past incidents of his son to prove that Jacob was the possible killer. He kept blaming himself that he was too weary with Laurie and that he should’ve seen her actions. Your whole body pricked; he was crying as he said all this.

You couldn’t imagine Nikolai and yourself in that situation. It brought tears to you eyes but wiped them off before he could see it. You let him talk as much as he wanted to, calming and soothing Andy in the process, running your fingers through his hair gently. You comforted him as much as you could and kept reminding yourself that this was the first time he came to his senses and realised he was crying out for his dead son; and so you were patient.

“My own wife murdered him Y/N. My Jacob. If I had been more attentive”

“Shhhhh Andy,” you cooed into his ear “Your circumstances were horrible. Don’t blame yourself bubba, none of this was your fault okay? Jacob’s death was out of your hands, it was an unfortunate accident Andy.“

Andy could stay all day in your embrace, his head on your gentle shoulders while your soft hair caresses made him doze off to sleep.

But his head felt like it was going to explode and he couldn’t let you see that.

“I’m going back home honey. I think I need to be alone tonight. I- I am not abandoning you okay, I promise, I’ll be okay tomorrow.”

“Andy are you sure? Stay with me, I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I- I think I need to be alone for sometime you know? Please don’t be upset.”

“I’m never ever upset okay? As long as you are sure bubba; whatever you think is best for you okay? This house is always open to you.”

Kisses on the cheek were exchanged before he left your home. But you stayed awake, in the hopes he’ll be back because deep down you knew, he needed you.

You would give him space, and why not?

He was your home.

–

Andy soon realised he couldn’t. Staying alone was the worst decision he made.

Yes he did get the desired space he absolutely needed for like an hour and he did try to cease his crying, but his heart, oh his heart was pounding like nobody’s business. Anxious. Alone. Not cared for.

The walls of his room closed around him, his breathing becoming rugged, the laughter of his dead son echoing in his head. But he remembered he was cared for. By you. He had only you now.

He wanted, needed your soothing embraces, your kind words, your optimism, your affection. Everything.

He just wanted you now.

He had to forget.  It was a bit past midnight, but it was you. His reliable rock; soon to become the love of his life. He had to forget what he was going though and in a moment of desperation, he texted you. His thought was confirmed, you would always be there for him.

—

Last and Final Part 5 on its way :)

[aureoapollo]

AOT 139 SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts from a fan of 8 years and that have reread the manga a couple times

Eren is human... surprise who would have known

Can we stop with Mikasa family zoned him and thats why he did the rumbling bullshit? I thought it was just a silly meme but apparently not. What Eren expressed was wishing that he had the option to live long with Mikasa and he hates that he cant be the one to do so. But he also knows that if he didnt do this, the curse that ymir has laid apon the eldians will continue and his people will be used as titans futherdown the future. Eren is a 19 year old boy, he is a human. He will express desires and sorrow over not getting said desires. He sacrificed himself and his happiness for the happiness of the ones he loves.

I feel bad for Mikasa and I understand her why she acts like that

And lastly we have Mikasa and how alot of people say that Isayama did her dirty. I felt Mikasa's pain that last panel. I had a family memeber I was really close to who I unfortunately lost due to suicide. I visit her grave ever friday because that is the day we used to hangout after school every week. I miss her every single day and I wont ever forget how much she is worth to me. Grief hits us so differently and can be so overwhemling to some. Mikasa went hell and back with Eren, she saw him almost every single day and knowing now that she wont see him anymore... Well that shit hurts as hell and can be hard to over come. I feel a little hurtful when I see so many people calling her pathetic or desperate. Cause apparently to those people I would also be considered pathetic and desperate. Is stupid to think that way I know but I cannot help it :(

I know this post is very emotional and personal but I just really felt the characters pain in this chapter. Im not saying the AOT ending is the best ending ever because its not. I have my issues like ymir loving king fritz??????? No meantion of the creature and eren killing his own mom. But the ending had its good moments too. Its truly a bittersweet ending.