#i know i know like i need to think up more ice skating related things

[teaandatale]

ooh I'm curious about "where they learn to hold hands"

Thanks to both @buckinelli & @avengeclintashantasha for this one!

This is my 2nd ice skating Steggy fic ideas! I have posted a preview of this before here but I thought it would be nice to share some more about this one. This will be a saga and a half... but maybe one day I will finish writing it to share it.

This fic is more directly angsty for content reasons (though now that I think about it, so is Of Gold & Something More, but that's more romantic angst, while this one directly deals with shittier parts of higher-level organized sports/abusive relationships).

As in the link above, this one is thus far named "Where They Learn To Hold Hands" because it's literally a requirement for them to be Pairs Ice Skating partners. But it's particularly charged, because Steve has never been able to find a partner to really put him on the Olympic level. And Peggy had quit Pairs skating and gone to single skating thanks to a horribly abusive stint when she was a teen. She starts to realize that there was still a lot she never worked through, and some of it comes out of her as she finds trust & kinship with Steve.

Snippet of a Scene Starting to Learn About Peggy's History.

FYI - This does allude to abusive relationships but nothing is detailed in the snippet but does describe Peggy still struggling in the present to deal with the past:

Phillips respects that skating with a partner again is going to be a process for her. But they are working against a tight timeline here. She knows they have to actually practice together if they’re ever going to make this work. Holding hands through gloves has been working out better than she had expected, but they’re still strangers, and eventually she’ll have to take the gloves off. And when it comes down to working on movements that require Steve to touch her, the second his hand touches her hip she freezes. She instinctively breaks free of him with a gasp. Steve drops his hands immediately, looking between her and Phillips as her breathing grows labored. She skates off the ice, racing into the locker room.  

Phillips clucks his tongue.  

“What did I do?”  

Phillip sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s nothing to do with you Rogers.”  

“But I must have done something wrong.”  

“I did warn you this was a risky move before I paired you two up. Carter has a long history in competitive skating. Not all of it is as happy sunshine as you’d expect from a two-time Olympic skater, despite what you may think.”  

Steve frowns. Her reaction worried him. It pointed to something more than just some misunderstanding with an ex-partner. He doesn’t know much outside of the rumors and stories that still float around her first Olympics. But he thinks he’s just learned a lot.  

“Her old partner?”  

Phillips sighs. “And coach. Pierce was a piece of work. He’s hardly human.” He frowns. “I gotta be honest Rogers. It might be best to cut loose now. You could still try to pursue a singles track.”  

Steve frowns. He doesn’t want to quit. He already knows how good they could be, especially once they’re loose and comfortable. He’s already imagined how fun it’ll be.  

Phillips lets out another sigh. “Sorry son. I didn’t mean to set your sights so high.”  

“With all respect sir, I’m not ready to throw in the towel. Not unless Peggy says she’s done for good.” He watches Phillips nod vaguely, trying to figure this out. “Maybe we start differently. Maybe there’s a way to make this work.”  

** 

Her limbs are still shaking as she sits on the bench, blankly facing the full-length mirror on the wall opposite. Her body feels cold, and whatever void she had taped shut has come undone, and all of her deep seeded issues are spilling out. She sees his face so clearly for the first time in ages. She blinks away the tears but it’s futile.  

A knock breaks the trance. She sees Steve standing there, just barely in the doorway.  

“Peggy?” he calls softly. “It is alright if I come in for a minute?”  

She swipes frantically at her tears, her heart still pounding as she works to relax her expression, to make her face fade back into smooth, immovable stone. He lets the door close behind him but he stays across the locker room.  

“I wanted to check on you. Can I bring you anything?” he asks.  

He doesn’t sound upset. She’d be livid if someone skated off the ice during practice like she had just done.  

“I’ll be there in a minute. I’m fine. I’ll be right back, I swear.”  

“Peggy…” he starts. “We can take a break. Call it a day.”  

“But we haven’t done anything yet. I’m better now.” He hesitates. “Phillips told me to call it a day.”  

She feels the heat of shame. She’s made Phillips give up on her already. She drops her head into her hands. What was going on? She used to be able to handle this.  

“So Phillips has given up,” she says matter of factly.  

“Phillips hasn’t given up,” he says. “And neither have I.” He holds her gaze for a long moment. “But only if you’re sure you still want to do this. That’s the only way this’ll work.” She’s surprised by not only his words but his tone. It’s relaxed, calm, caring she might even dare to say. It’s not only unexpected, but completely foreign to her. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do this Peggy.”  

She remembers that night they skated together, and of the few days recently on the ice that had gone smoothly. She did want to do this. She wanted to continue to skate.  

“I do want to. I do want to keep trying.” He nods, giving her a half smile. She wraps her arms around herself and sighs. “But if Phillips left…”  

Steve shrugs. “I actually had a few ideas. For us. For us to get comfortable working together first. For us to work on our partnership. Phillips think it’s a good plan.” She works her jaw, already worried about what exactly Steve and Phillips have decided would be a good plan. “I think we should start off the ice. Work on all the elements off the ice together first. Go to the gym together in the mornings. Dance classes, anything we can find. I think it’ll help our programs but also help us learn to be in sync. To get to know how we both move. And then I thought regular yoga and meditation in the evenings or mornings. So that we bring relaxation and peace of mind into our habits.”  

She finds herself astounded again. Stunned. He’s put a lot of care and thought into it. Into training that will help. Into rituals that would ease her comfort.  

“I know that’s a lot of shared time but we can’t do this if we don’t get to know each other, if we don’t try to build something instead of forcing it. And I can’t earn your trust if your uncomfortable around me. So there’s one other thing I’m going to insist on. We don’t lie to each other. If something doesn’t feel right, or if something makes you uncomfortable for any reason, of if I do something you don’t like, please tell me. We can work at this. I know we can. But I need to know how you honestly feel Peggy.”  

“And skating?”  

“Schedule sticks. Exercises and warm ups, and then we can take it day by day.”  

She makes a point to look at him. He doesn’t make her stomach clench. Instead she feels steadied, and something near hopeful again. When she looks at him, thoughts of Fred fade.