#i know i feel positively about thinking of myself in this way. which makes me slightly concerned it's just wishful thinking

[metamatar]

how to be in a relationship when you are suicidally depressed but do not want to be manipulative (opinionated, by former suicidal but still depressed idiot). this is no guarantee that you aren't accused of it ofc, but this like. a good faith try at not being it.

wrote this because i feel like. everyone wants you to know that if you're suicidal you don't have like. the right? to be in a relationship which is unfair. and fuck that. but, i feel like there's way to manage? cope? with suicidality that are better than others.

do not use criticism directed at you as an opportunity to inform someone you're suicidal. it should def never be a part of an argument about something else, even if that's how you feel. exit the argument with a "sorry i cant deal with this right now, be back in x hours" if you're feeling suicidal because of an argument then please do coping mechanisms unrelated to your partner. making someone feel like they can't criticise you or you'll kill yourself is like the no. 1 thing you shouldn't do. it makes all relationships pretty false if someone can't be intimate/honest with you and the threat of suicide is so high stakes it stuffs all criticism. you can explain why 48 hours later. i cannot emphasise the value of your cool down even tbh for your suicidal feelings. i will kill myself after 48 hours is an underrated coping mechanism.

if you notice a specific criticism triggering you more than twice, let your partner know its a real trigger. they should ideally notice that you exited from a conversation multiple times for a specific reason. then you should have a conversation about whether that criticism is a deal breaker for you guys and if and how you want to work on it.

ideally, when you do tell your partner about being suicidal. it should be when you're not otherwise having a conflict and be clear about how close you are to making plans and maybe commit to checking in every few hours. the emmengard scale is very useful is communicating what kind of suicidal you are. if you do intend on a killing yourself, making someone feel complicit in it only makes sense if you want to actually blame them for it? like idk think about if you want them to really feel responsible.

be clear about the fact that you don't expect them to fix you and make it clear to them that they can't fix you. mental health is too complicated for that. can your relationship be a positive factor? yes, hugely so imo. can you involve them in setting up better routines and offering affirmations? def. its very valuable. but locating someone as the sole locus of responsibility is something most people really can't cope with, and tbh if that's what you're looking for, you should be upfront. maybe there's someone who wants that, but most people really cannot do it. you can't save me, but I would like your help in my attempt to save myself is imo. a decent attitude?

[femconstellation]

I really did try to force myself to like trans’women’ because there was always this idea that it was undercover-bigoted to not find a ‘woman’ attractive JUST because ‘she’ was trans. I almost put myself into an uncomfortable position where I would have forced myself to have sex with a trans’woman’ because of this internal conflict over not wanting to be a bigot — not only to others but in my own head, too. I didn’t go through with it, luckily; I stopped talking to the trans’woman’ after I confronted these feelings and realized I’m just NOT attracted to those who are of the male sex. But I still wanted to not be a bigot, and I was still so supportive of trans people, but it was insane that I wanted to be so inclusive and accepting that I was willing to hurt myself sexually by being intimate with someone I had no physical attraction to due to their sex, because I know there’s others out there who DID go through with it, that STILL force themselves to accept trans’women’ in their dating pool, and those trans’women’ probably brag about how valid they are because that lesbian didn’t want to be a transphobe. Because not dating trans’women’ might be ‘tolerated’ in trans spaces, but you’re still viewed as a bigot.

It felt a bit like conversion rhetoric — I’m not attracted to males, and yet I felt like, to be accepted by the part of society I was closest to (the lgbtq+ community), I had to ‘get over’ whatever I felt towards penis. That sooo many women have penises, and I’m excluding a WHOLE group of women from my dating pool which is bad, apparently. I truly hate this cotton ceiling belief that convince the trans community that they are entitled to sex because they identified their way into it. That not letting their penis enter a woman’s vagina is bigotry. It isn’t something to ‘work past’ or ‘look deep inside myself about’. I don’t need to ‘acknowledge inner biases towards transfeminine people’. I am a homosexual female. Penis is not something I have to learn to like because some males think their personal woman-identification makes them entitled to sex with me.

And I hope this generation of lesbians will have a realization like me, that they’ll realize hopefully before they have sex with someone they don’t want to have sex with because of a backwards patriarchal agenda that paints women as the villains for being truly homosexual.

[eternalbuckley]

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ WISTERIA VINES. (series)

୨୧ — It's the idea of a deep, romantic and emotional connection you once shared with someone. Wisteria vines symbolize romance and connection. They grow slowly but steadily and represent the patient process of reconnection and understanding. Vines grow in an intertwining way and can reflect a bond between two people and how they grow stronger together. The flowers bloom in spring which symbolises new beginnings, meaning that two people can grow a once shared bond again.

SUMMARY: You have been selected to portray the role of Juliet for the upcoming ballet ballet shows of Romeo and Juliet, which are set to be performed in three months. Which means you have to find yourself in a position to portray your role at the side of your ex-boyfriend and former dancing partner, Aemond Targaryen. Whom happened to have been selected as the role of Romeo. Things between you have been left in a friendly but strange place and given to the circumstances you'll have to find yourself spending most of your time together with him. Old feelings for each other remained between you since your breakup and might find their way back to each of you. What happens if one of you puts your somewhat left friendship and the production at risk for unsaid left feelings?

warnings/tropes: 18+ mdni, modern au, best friends brother, ex lovers to possible lovers, yearning, tension, chapters may contain sexual topics, fluff, angst, smut, and more! it's implied fem!/afab!reader (especially the smut parts) but i try to be as gender neutral as possible, they/them pronouns are used if needed, english is not my first language! (each chapter has its own warnings)

Chapter 1: Your Romeo. Your Juliet. | tiny bit of angst, 4,415 words

Chapter 2: Title not decided yet // coming soon

….

taglist for this series — i won't be able to upload a new chapter each week but i try to post reguarly ♡ (I'm using an extra taglist for this series, so if you want to be notified when i post a new chapter, please fill out the taglist! You don't have to do that if you're already on my main taglist but if don't want to be notified for the series please let me know!)

a/n: i am certainly no professional or have ever experienced dancing ballet myself. all my knowledge is from research and interest in itself. so, there might be things that make no sense, aren’t completely correct or whatsoever — it‘s just fiction so don’t think about it too much, please. i came up with the main idea because of my obsession with classical music i‘ve been having for the past months and because of a post from my angel @peachysunrize made a few months ago about an ex lovers!ballet au, which is the background idea for this series, hehehe. anyways, happy reading! i hope you‘ll enjoy reading this series which is my precious little baby! xx remember that reblogs, feedback and comments are highly appreciated and welcomed! ♡

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i don’t give you my permission to use my writing for any ai related things, don’t do it. do not plagiarise or try to take ownership of my work. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! i do not own the rights of any characters are involved in this series (unless i created them)

dividers by saradika-graphics

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ navigation | main hotg masterlist

[morphean42]

Falsettos unpopular opinions because two people asked for this and honestly I don’t give a fuck anymore. I want to state this isn’t in response to anyone in particular, though, and if you get offended by any of these think about why. For a good reason? Please tell me and I’d love to debate it, truly. For a petty reason? You’re simply part of the problem.

1. They are Jewish. End of story. If I see anything related to Christianity or Christmas or whatever the fuck with them… shut up. Yes Whizzer is half-Jewish, yes in the revival Cordelia isn’t Jewish (WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT ILL GET INTO LATER), yes they are most likely secular as evidenced by Mendel’s “religions just a trap” and ‘Days Like This’, no this does not give you the right to ignore their ETHNICITY AND CULTURE.

2. It’s okay to like the revival more. It’s not okay to ignore the original just because you get blinded by conventionally attractive men. Going to my Cordelia point, she’s Jewish in the original, her line ‘Shiksa caterer’ is ‘Kosher caterer’. Again it’s fine if your headcanons and fanfics and fanarts are based on the revival, I love it too, but stop acting like it’s the only version.

3. Whizzer’s entire personality does not revolve around being gay. He’s not a sassy twink. He’s a full grown man with issues that need to be addressed. Again, I reiterate, he is not a twink. Stop. Drawing. Him. Skinny. And. Hairless. I don’t care if ‘ oh but but that’s just my art style!’ Shut up.

4. Correlated to the above point, here are things Whizzer is not: a prostitute, a drug addict, relying on Marvin for everything, a twink (saying that again to get it through peoples fucking skulls), innocent. I’m 100% positive if the people who had these headcanons watched the OBC version of the show they’d never continue to advocate for them… once more I’m begging you guys to look past Andy Randy’s beautiful face and actually use critical thinking skills when it comes to Whizzer.

5. Short but (not) sweet: don’t claim to understand Marvin if you haven’t watched In Trousers. Just don’t.

6. If you flat out hate any character in the show, you’re wrong. Yes I’m still mad about the Mendel thing; if you think any one character is worse than the rest and isn’t just a fully human person with flaws and nuance, you don’t understand the musical as well as you claim.

7. It’s not the ‘gay’ musical. If you like falsettos for Whizzvin and nothing else, please, just… I don’t even know. There’s so much more to it than ‘ooo boys kissing.’ Please grow up, this leads into a whole other point but fetishisation is never okay, no matter who does it.

8. So many people treat Trina as either a perfect angel or just the side character in the way of the gay people. She’s an entire person, an entire character with flaws and hardship and terrible actions done by her and to her. Treat my homophobic queen with the respect she deserves, and acknowledge her faults too. It’s more misogynistic to treat her as perfect when she has issues too than just saying ‘she’s never done anything wrong’.

9. Stop making AIDS jokes.

10. This next one is probably the most iffy on the list. I will never be one to police fandom and creation, you can engage with material in any fucking way you like it literally doesn’t matter to me… but I dislike AUs. Now, I’ll always enjoy a little fun, adding in a twist like lesbian Whizzvin, or enjoying a feel good college AU. But. Especially for Falsettos the canon events are so fucking important and cannot be disregarded as casually as some do. AIDS is an extremely important part of the story, as well as the fact that both Marvin and Whizzer are men. I’m trans myself, but I dislike making them so simply because everything about their characters, all the characters, are so highly specific and important to take these aspects away is to disrespect the message of the musical.

11. It’s very important Mendel is straight. I see some people headcanon him as bisexual or trans or so on, and this just feels so wrong to me. Trina and Mendel are straight and that’s why their acceptance and love for the others in the Tight Knit Family is so important, especially Trina struggles with moving away from the idea that these ‘homosexual tendencies’ are wrong. They are straight but they love Whizzvin and the lesbians just as much as anyone else.

12. This one is so petty and I accept that, but… HIS NAME IS NOT MARVIN GARDENS. GARDEN IS A JOKE CHRISTIAN BORLE MADE BASED ON MONOPOLY. Jesus guys please just stop it it’s so stupid, William Finn didn’t have a last name for Marvin on purpose, and though I can’t do more than theorise what that purpose was, Gardens is so stupid. It’s not even funny. Same goes for Cohen, which just is odd. The only name I could begin to accept is Falsetto, and even then… just work around the last name in your fics.

12 1/2. SIDE TANGENT Jason would never take Weisenbachfeld as his last name. As a child of divorce… no. He’ll never view Mendel as a true father over his own dad, especially after Falsettoland, and he wouldn’t take that name. Hell, I’d known my ex step-father since I was two and I’d never have taken his last name. So, please, I never want to see Jason Weisenbachfeld again. That’s just not how it works.

At the end of the day this is just me alone in my room bitching… I just hope these points resonate with others.

[ciphermitarai]

I got an ask on the mark blog pertinent to this while I was writing this post so it’s a sign I guess.

My Disorganized Thoughts On Why Mark Berskii Acts The Way He Does

I think the reason why I got so attached to Mark immediately is because I saw a lot of myself in him. Mark acts really standoffish and uncomfortable, kind of snarky in general, in a way that indicates (clearly) that not only does he not trust his classmates, but he never did. This isn’t to say I know the real reasons why he acts the way he does, but it is to say that my insights might be of some form of value to other people.

From my personal perspective, his behavior mirrors the way I acted in high school quite a bit. It’s pretty easy to forget that Mark would be a first year college student, or in his last year of high school. (I’m also eighteen.) He’s obviously impacted by the game in a realistic way—I think his vulnerabilities are evident in places. On cue grabs beanie, pulls down over face.

But as for the reason why I think he acts this way from the very beginning, or at least what of I see of myself in him… I acted that way out of anxiety. I didn’t fit in very well with my peers (whaaat? Me? Nooo way!!!) so I became standoffish. I came from a pretty closed-off town, so I kind of hardened to my peers. They didn’t welcome me, they even made fun of me, so I became sort of… pre-emptively a bit of a jerk as a way of protecting myself. That mindset gets cyclical. It gets hard to admit that other people might actually want to be let into your world, genuinely, and aren’t making fun of you in some way. I’m also fairly often characterized as being standoffish and rude without intending to, partially because of this and partially because of autism, tone issues, my face, whatever.

Which brings me to

self esteem issues

This sort of behavior is heavily exacerbated by a feeling of low self-worth. I think the reason why Mark doesn’t want anyone to comment on his work isn’t particularly mysterious, especially while it’s live! Recently, I showed an animatic I made to some family friends who were essentially obligated to receive it well, and I couldn’t even look while it was happening. If I trust someone, it’s okay for me to show my work to them. But with people I don’t know or trust, I’d rather they just not say anything at all about it, especially if I’m not showing it out of my own will. it would be impossible for me to believe that they’re telling the truth, you know? It’s actually sort of upsetting!

Showing your work to fellow classmates, which Mark might already have a negative predisposition towards if he was received in a similar way, probably provokes such a reaction.

I can’t ever say for sure why Mark feels negatively about his own work, but what I can say is that when you do become heavily invested in a creative drive, when you create things that you personally don’t like, it can be shattering. Especially when you have a lot of effort put into it! If your art is an expression of “you”, then what is this?

For someone on the world stage, the disconnect is million fold. He’s known for things that he doesn’t identify with, that he doesn’t like, for whatever reason that may be. So when people tell him positive things about it… it not only doesn’t mean anything, but it feels like an insult. I hope that one day he can create something he is proud of.

oh Also

I think mark’s alligator symbolism is really interesting. He too is lying in wait in a sense. It’s totally possible that he does some fucked up shit in the future, but I feel like it would be out of desperation, or in other words it wouldn’t have much to do with his outward personality.

It’s important to remember that, again, he’s eighteen. He has some semblance of principles—at least, I think that’s why he’s so resistant to Damon after the whole Cara thing. I don’t think he’s secretly evil, or even overly hateful. Something that shouldn’t be underestimated, yes, and someone definitely capable of rising to the level of cruelty that the killing game necessitates, but he’s clearly only snarky to people who are loud and abrasive themselves (or, I guess, exceedingly stupid).

And I think that’s why there’s appeal in jettski, platonic or romantic—jett doesn’t care about the things that mark hates about himself. That’s obvious from the beginning. And I think that those attempts to get closer to him make mark, annoyed as he is, feel like someone does actually see worth in him, or want to go out of their way to talk to him. Maybe just a little bit.

Or maybe I’m just projecting. Who knows?

[unopenablebox]

i admit that i find it a little bit frustrating how Wildly Astonished other antizionist jews act when i tell them my israeli jewish family have lived in the region since [some unknown length of time before 1800 when there start being records about it]

[averinthine]

been thinking that maybe i was right the first time when i identified as asexual back in the day

[victory-cookies]

I wish I could handle myself in an argument without fucking crying

[anotherpapercut]

people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

[rustbeltbabey]

boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.

[musical-chick-13]

.

[igneouswyvern]

being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc

however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters

[highwaydiamonds]

starting a new job tomorrow (monday) morning and am feeling about 72 (million) different things all at once because of it

[our-inspire-verse]

Just keeps going round and round eh?

[uzicel]

[sunhee27]

☆ Thing Enhypen do at night/ when they are sleeping.

• 엔하이픈 ୨୧ f ! r・fluff established relationship ・kisses, petnames (^-^) pls reblog if you like it and requests are welcome.

(Sorry some of the letters are big, I can’t change it) :(

• 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆 (이희승)

-Pouts

The man pouts! Yes he does, especially when sleeping. It’s honestly the cutest thing ever. Of course he denies it, and that makes it even more cute in a way. “I don’t pout!” He whines into your ear after he is begging for a kiss and you tell him that you will only give him a kiss if he admits that he pouts in his sleep. He hugs you and cuddles you while whining. He whines again at you. “Kiss me!!!! >:(“ He ‘cries’ into you ear to which you just give in. You can’t help but give him a little peck on his pouty lips when he is snuggled against you.

-Switching spots

Do you know what I mean here? probably not. But like once you are asleep, you will turn to the other side, which Heeseung doesn’t like because he likes you facing him to hug you against his chest. Or sometimes he likes back hugging you. So when you turn around, he IS gonna scoop you up and put you on his side of the bed, and he will switch to being on your side of the bed, so that he can hug you in his desired position.

(Rest of the members under the cut)

• 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘 (박종성)

-Stealing blankets

It’s tiring and it annoys you, but you kinda live for it when he steals your blanket. He doesn’t even seem to notice himself. It’s just a habit he picked up. If he steals yours, you steal his! And that goes on and on. But you don’t complain…only a little. “Stop stealing my blanket at night.” You say. “Man, but yours is always warmer.” He pouts. “Get over it. You can just hug me if it is.” You scoff. “I would…IF I COULD CONTROL MYSELF WHEN I AM SLEEPING.” He argues back pulling you by the waist. “Fine. It doesn’t bother me more than that. But only because I love you so much.” You give up.

-Strokes your hair

When he notices that you have fallen asleep, he will just stroke your hair as a reflex almost 😅 And sometimes you will stir awake, to which he apologises faster than light itself. But honestly you only woke up because it felt nice to have your hair stroked.

• 𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 (심재윤)

-Talks

Who would’ve thought, jakey jakey talks in his sleep. He mumbles and talks, rambling about his day, about you 🥺 You voice recorded him saying that you were his princess. And it may have boosted his boyfriend ego. “Did I say that?” He laughs at it. ”Clearly yeah.” You giggle back, he connects your foreheads. “Do you know what that means?” He hovers over you in the bed. ”No” you giggle again. “That I am obsessed with you.” He smiles.

-Does tasks

Broski think you go to bed too early, even if he is the first of all members to go to sleep. So he will just cuddle up with you until you fall asleep, and then… get ready for bed. Doing tasks, all sort of tasks. And you would wake up slightly, still half in dream land. ‘it’s just an illusion’ he would say when he notices that he woke you up. Because he doesn’t want to make you feel bad for making him cuddle with you until you fall asleep, even if he loves doing it.

• 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 (박성훈)

-Lightly snoring

Idols don’t snore… Bullshit! At least this man does. It’s cute when he makes small noises and groans at night. And he knows that he does it. And only just nervously laugh when the topic is brought up. His members tease him with it too. “I know I snore, but let’s just act like I don’t!!!” He says in an embarrassed tone. “But it’s cute.” You giggle. “No…” he pouts. But you will truly never stop teasing him about it.

-Swings leg around you

He sleeps late, looking at his phone. And out of nowhere he will probably swing a leg or two around you. Like they are heavy man! But you don’t mind it when he then pulls you closer with his legs :D Cute man indeed

• 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 (김선우)

-expressions

Believe me when I say. I think he dreams a lot. And his face shows it all, happy, sulky, mad, frustrated, scared. And as soon as you notice he is having a nightmare and breath is uneven, you will wake him up. And he will squirm before noticing it’s just his sweet girlfriend who is before his eyes. “You scared the shit outta me. But thank for waking me up.” He would say. And he would ask you to hug him for the rest of the night.

-Go to sleep early and wake up in the middle of the night

The title says it all. He would go early think it would be good for his beauty sleep. But he would then wake up in the middle of the night not being able to sleep at all. And would literally not give a shit about YOUR beauty sleep, and he would wake you up to gossip together until you both fall into slumbers again.

• 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 (양정원)

-Get cold and crawl under the blankets

It’s so cute to watch the little kitten crawl all the way under the blankets at night. Like he would roll himself into a little ball under the warmth of his blanket and then snuggle up to you. “Bllrr, it’s so colllddddddd.” He shivers. “Do you need an extra blanket.” You laugh sitting up beside him. “If you are the blanket, then yes.” He teases.

-Dry lips

Don’t ask me how he would literally, feel in his sleep, that his lips are chapped. But he would a million times in a night. And of course he would make sure to gloss up your lips too. So that his pretty girl is also satisfied with her lips in the morning.

• 𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈 (西村力)

-Moves a lot

He would absolutely destroy you, crush you with his six feet long body. He would roll in his sleep without noticing it and before he knows it you are about to fall of the bed. “Nikiiiiii, you are so heavyyy.” You whine under him. And shit he would wake up and be so embarrassed by it. “Sorryyy.” He would laugh. Definitely forgiven 👍

-Get up and get snacks

He would do something like this. He would wake up hangry. So he would check out the fridge then the pantry and then whatever else there is, before deciding to just toast a piece of bread. And then you would pop up and you would end up sitting in comfortable silence eating bread together.