#i know for a fact i’m gonna have SOOOOOOO many thoughts .

[danveration]

oh deer. THATS IT!! LOGGING OUT UNTIL I WATCH THE LAST TWO EPISODES.. ❤️

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[vex03]

despite everything, i’m really hopeful about how things will be after this whole specific health situation has been dealt with. at current i sleep 16+ hours a day. it’s absolutely debilitating- but there’s a good possibility that the thing they found in my head? on accident?? is what’s been causing me absolute mortal anguish for the past 4 years??? and treating it will get rid of those problems???? how lucky am i truly :))

i want to be strong. i want to have the energy to follow through with my ideas. i have so much brewing in my head. things to knit, rugs to tuft, streams to.. stream? idk. the “content” of it all has become increasingly unappealing. i just want to make interesting and probably entertaining things that people enjoy. i have so many youtube video ideas… at the very least i should go ahead start vlogging and edit it all super cool- despite the fact i don’t really enjoy editing at all anymore, i’m still good at it and i’ll be as cocky as i fucking want about that >:) also it would be sooooooo dramatic to start vlogging before i have more solid info about Her (this is how i have just decided i will permanently refer to ms. tumor. deal with it please) and then get to drop a video in a month called “serious announcement.” or some shit… ohhh the drama.. oh the intrigue…… like hey man if this shit is gonna make me suffer, i’m gonna fuckin capitalize on it. i got a brain tumor. use code saucy for 10% off your gamersupps purchases at gamersupps.gg/saucy . optimization motherfucker.

anyways, i have a wonderful support system that is helping me have a really lovely time from now thru the next mri- we got Capital F Fucked up tonight. i am nervous and anticipating feeling positively terrible after that imaging because i suffered after the previous one, and the screenings after that will inevitably make things even worse. and then after those, who knows how they’re going to actually treat it… but truly i’ve survived this long, what’s a couple terrible final weeks to top it all off before fatigue free bliss?

i started publishing my thoughts again here (hashtag girlblogging) to try and overcome some creative blockages, and i wanted to keep things as meta as possible… but it’s so eye opening how much something the size of a blueberry being where it shouldn’t be has changed my outlook on things so quickly.

can’t wait to have more energy soon, i have so much to make

e

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

hello hello!!

Ahhh that's so exciting and so sweet that you and your stand partner are bestieess!!!! Also I laughed so hard when you wrote about getting dopamine from external validation because if that doesn't summarize every performer ever than i don't know what does 😂😂

Yes, yes, yes!! The way you said it was so well put!! I typically say that during rehearsal "we get lost in sauce" 😂 but you said if far more eloquently. I think that's what I miss the most about performaning, apart from being surrounded by other creative people. The fact that everyone is there trying to create something so beautiful and trying to convey emotions in a way that goes beyond words is something so magical. Uggghhh now I'm gonna start looking up local theatres to see what productions they're doing to see if i want to audition.

Honestly everyone crying is just a testament to how well written and enthralling this story was!!!! I (and I'm sure everyone else who read it) was so captivated by the story from beginning to end! When i tell you i LOVED the scene with the kids i truly mean LOVED. 1 - i thought it was the hottest thing ever that Agatha enjoys interacting with kids (and honestly kept thinking about Agatha with kiddos cause i just know she has such a soft spot for them) and 2 - experiences like that are just so transformative for children!!! I still remember the very first musical I saw in person and how amazed i was by it and immediately knew it was something i wanted to do.

Ahhh i feel like my asks just keep getting longer and longer!! They're starting to feel like letters at this point 😂 So sorry 🥴 but i saw THAT THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL!!! And it's going to have CARMEN IN IT?!?!?!?!! I'm sooo excited!!!!!! I completely forgot i had said something about Agatha conducting an opera, but oh my goddddd i want her to conduct an opera so badlyyyyyy. Needless to say, i am very, very excited!!!!!!

I hope you are having a fantastic start to you week!! ❤️🥰

- paganini anon

Hi Paganini Anon! 💜

Ah yes. Jerry, my stand partner is an icon and I’m determined to become his best friend. I already have a plan for our next rehearsal 😌🤞🏻

Hahah I actually enjoy the phrase “lost in the sauce” a lot more than what I said!! It’s so true! I think it’s incredible that you’re in theater, and I completely get what you’re saying. I’m rooting for you and pls keep me updated (if you want to) on if you end up auditioning for anything!!!! I’m sure you’ll do great and it sounds like it would be so much fun!! The fine arts are such an incredible gift and my biggest regret is going so long without performing.

Thank you so much omg 😭 I am a very emotional person (I blame my Pisces moon, my therapist says otherwise tho), and I think it’s clear in my writing that I enjoy angst. I’ve always appreciated your support and anons on here, I go “ooo” whenever I see I have one!! They make my day 😌 I’m rly truly sooooooo glad you liked Agatha with the kids!!!! I added so many little details in, it always makes me excited to see what people enjoy and what they can relate to. And that’s so sweet 😭 it’s so incredible how one experience can help shape your entire life!!

No pls I love the asks! It’s fun- and I love writing letters! One of my friends from college and I would write each other letters back when the pandemic first hit and it was so fun. Yes!! I’m like… 1/4 of the way through writing the first chapter!! Yes yes yes it will have Carmen!!! It’s one of my absolute favorite operas. I remembered your ask and I was like oh wow that would be an interesting idea, could I do that? And then I brainstormed and decided I wanted to keep writing haha. Agatha is going to be on one while she’s conducting in the sequel and it’s going to be very entertaining to read. I’m so glad you’re excited!!!!! 💜✨

Ah thank you! It’s been a bit busy and the cold weather is making it hard for me to focus on things, but I am trying my best. I hope you’re having a good week too, thank you sm for the ask. I always love getting them!! ✨

[icharchivist]

icha!!!! just finished the have a great trip event. I’m not writing that event title out case sensitively but I think it is cute they capitalized the three As for A3! seeing mizuno made me… wow. i feel so much affection for this man for real. the way he runs as soon as tsuzuru is there… like the.

tsuzuru: “hmph. that guy…”

izumi: (oh, tsuzuru. you’re not fooling anyone with that smile of yours.)

me: weeping

I really liked a lot of the travel outfits!! like yuki, citron, homare… hisokas scarf is such a lovely shade of green for real. love that kazunari and yuki talk abt design etc! feels so nice to see the effects of sardine search. there we’re so many little cute interactions here. love that tasuku and tsumugi had more free time and were like “well. more theater time.” I’d seen the screenshot of itarus gamer knowledge coming in handy but I did not know misumi was also gonna be involved! so fun. the cg with misumi carrying itaru is sooooooo cute. like itarus expression. love it. I don’t have too much to say abt this ep bc it was just very sweet! I also like that itaru can say LOL. and it feels perfectly natural

HEYO YOU WELCOME BACK!!!

yess the name capitalization is so cute.

AND MIZUNOOOO!!!! and Tsuzuru being so soft toward him. God those two. THOSE TWO.

Agreed, i really think the travel outfits were very fun!! i liked the new sprites. and yeah god, it really helped showcasing some of the dynamics so well. Kazu and Yuki geeking design in call back to the Sardine Search, Yuki and Banri planning on shopping trips in call back to Into the Night, of course just, Mizuno… it's just a hell lots of fun.

Of COURSE Tasu and Tsumu were just theater geeking. they were in the theater geek convention. fishes in clear water moment!

The whole think of Itaru somehow managing to save those teens's trips while also still being a disaster is honestly so much fun.

And i especially love his dynamic with Misumi in this event. Like Misumi opening up about how his parents rarely took him when they were going on trip and Itaru clearly catching that "huh oh this kid's parents are fucked up. Well i'm already the assignated father of the spring troupe, what's one more child for me to have."

And i do love that Itaru did drop everything because he thought Misumi looked too sad and We Can't Have That Here. It's truly so cute and sweet. Esp since afterward he just had much more fun this way.

Tenma and Kazunari are absolute mess this event too. The fact Tenma managed to get lost on his way to the aeroport and he had to wear the bunny costume while Itaru made fun of him.. priceless to me.

And yes, the CG is just so much fun. From "what the fuck are you doing" to "it's not so bad actually. I think i can get used to my life as a potato bag", just, so good.

This ep was more light hearted and less heavy in general yes, it was sooo sweet. Just the pals hanging out, and Itaru "infiltring" the Summer troupe, like he said.

It's nice that once in a while they just get to have some downtime without anyone having a mental breakdown on the side because their tragic backstory came back to haunt them. For that, A+++ for hAve A greAt trip indeed.

As usual, thank you so much for sending me your feedback, it's always a pleasure to see your thoughts on the events you get to read ;D

Bless youuu and have a nice day <33

[mochiwrites]

M O C H I I AM IN YOUR INBOX AND I AM HEAR TO SHOUT I HAVE THE CHAPTER PULLED UP I HAVE COFFEE I HAVE NOT MEDICATED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Who gave you the RIGHT

That FRAME and CANVAS metaphor my HEART. How DARE. God. Giant hole where Grian is. I knew what was coming, sort of. I had a lot of suspicions confirmed. I AM SHAKING YOU. THE WAY YOU TWISTED THAT FAMILY FOLDER TOO???? That mumbo DIDNT click on it but Scar did only to have it be. MMMMMMMMMM WHAT I WAS??????? SHAKING YOU

The GB. The way they've infiltrated the town right under everyone's noses. Oh goddddddddddddddddd I am so FULL of dread. And then to introduce them through Martyn AND JIMMY AHHHH I KNEW IT AND also introduce the listeners in that way??? I am vibrating.

I have so many thoughts about Martyn, Grian, and Jimmy I'm. MMMMMMMM. The self-hatred of the fact that they blame themselves for Grian's disappearance where in reality they would have probably been taken too. Listening to the two of them be so full of guilt when Scar and Mumbo are feeling guilty for doing all of this behind Grian's back [THE PARALLELS]. The fact that Scott and Ren are also involved to varying degrees is driving me insane too like. Ren is mostly here because Martyn knows a lot but Scott is here because HE knows a lot and that being mirrored across the table onto Scar and Mumbo who have the closest connection to the watchers but the least amount of info IM

GOD 'You aren't genuine. No one ever is' AND NOW NO ONE CAN BE SURE IF GRIAN IS, INCLUDING GRIAN HIMSELF IM GONNA GO MAD. The way we're connecting back to something at the beginning of the story i am CHOMPING at the BIT

And I KNEW the second we saw Grian by himself nothing good was gonna be happening. This is why I sent 'biting you' btw. This whole scene with helen made the hair on the back of neck stand up. The way it has even Grian himself doubting himself is INSANE. AUGH. g o d I hope I can write like this some day.

And then to have him go home and Scar and Mumbo just got back from a meeting where they defended Grian and swore he couldn't possibly be WORKING with the watchers and he only JUST got pearl back and now NO ONE can know if Grian is actually working with them AND! AND!!!! THERE'S ALSO THE CHANCE THAT THEY'VE DONE THE SAME THING TO PEARL AGGGGGH. I am SCREAMING. GOD.

Well done. I am still shaking you.

EHEHEHEHE~ I’m using your ask as an excuse to ramble about certain things in the new fic ty <3

RIGHT SO. THE FRAME & CANVAS METAPHOR — I had so much fun writing that, esp because it works so well as a metaphor??? scar has just enough information for this bare bones skeleton of a theory. he doesn’t have all of the pieces together, but he’s trying so hard to create an image with the things he’s got (which isn’t a lot). so boom. the perfect metaphor <3

and ehehe, it was so funny seeing people freaking out over the folder — esp when I knew from the start what was going to be inside it :>

GOD MARTYN AND JIMMY. THEY. OKAY??? THEY MAKE ME SOOOOOOO. they knew the old grian. they’re the last pieces of grian’s past. they’ve been through fucking hell. they feel guilty. martyn even more so. he’s the oldest of the trio. he feels like he failed grian, as well as jimmy.

martyn looks at himself as the older brother. and yet he failed to protect both grian and jim. he feels like it’s his fault he and jimmy ended up with the listeners. and so when martyn spoke about them… it wasn’t just guilt for grian he was feeling.

and then enter ren and scott and… oof. scott was absolutely involved because he has information, but also he was there to be a rock for jimmy. as for ren… ren’s been involved since the very beginning. see, when the cops busted the listeners, jimmy had a family to come home to (lizzie). but martyn? he had no one.

the night the listeners were broken up, martyn found himself at a restaurant. and the owner of that restaurant became his world.

but it drives me insane, how close scar and mumbo are to the watchers because of their connection to grian. and yet… they know next to nothing. it’s almost kind of fun though. because you as the reader get to connect the pieces alongside them :>

as for that scene with grian, MAN was that a blast to write :D stel and I have had that one planned since like. June lmao. it was literally written in my notes “grian gets gaslit” but so!! that whole exchange took a bit of work to hit the way I wanted it to, esp with grian doubting himself as well. but that’s the thing about memories, yeah?

enough time goes by and well… the details start to seem a bit hazy :)

but that ending… I almost didn’t write it. I almost ended the one shot with helen’s little “we’ve got work to do” line. but then I thought against it and threw in that little thing at the end there.

so you get this like… almost tender moment between the three of them as their whole world starts to come crashing down around them.

anyways yeah !!! this one was a ton of fun to write :3 it was definitely a long time coming, and I hope the answers satisfied a lot of questions that crime enjoyers have had since the start <3

[moonyslove78]

Okay so now that I’m fully awake and fairly rested. And my medication is not effecting my judgement. I’m gonna try to repost the review I typed up last night that I can’t find anywhere. It probably won’t be exact but I wanted to add to it anyways once I was fully aware of my words, so maybe it’s a good thing it didn’t post. 😂 anyways, here it goes!

This message is for Mr. Walker only, Johnny, if you’re listening…

I have nothing else to say to you besides fuck off and go die in a hole. And I hope it’s Peter that puts you there while saving my girl Honey from your grubby nasty hands.

I’m in enough pain though, Liz. So try to go at least slightly easy on my heart man! 😫🤣

Now then, my frustrations have been released, so onto the goodies…

First, I’m glad Honey didn’t just let him off the hook. She made him sweat it out for a bit. Though I did feel awful for him when she made mention of wanting to be back in “her home” and “her bed” as part of the bet. I know it’s part of the process but the poor guy was wearing his heart on his sleeve all evening. I just thought the timing of her request was depressing. Especially when he had just asked for her hand to hold. Cause how fucking wholesome is he in that moment? 😭

Second, the admission from Peter made my heart blossom! And just the way he brought it up to her! 😍🥰 He makes me wanna simultaneously scream, melt into a puddle of goo and lay my heart out to be stomped all over when she replies with “you’re only in love with the idea of me.” But his reply was one and a million, because he knows she loves him too. And for him to say “so which version of me are you in love with?” is showing just how much he’s opened up to her. Even though he can still be that shy timid boy when it comes to her and his love for her. 🥲

Third, the date. Although not what he had planned and she totally was giving him a hard time through some of it, this was like one of my top favorite moments with them. 😍 The amount of times my heart fluttered at his reactions to her or her to him, I was just a happy girl at the time. They both learned so many cute (to anyone else, probably useless) facts about each other in the “short” amount of time they spent at the sushi bar. It was so fucking cute.

Fourth, I was sooooooo happy when he started trying to convince her to continue to “hang out”. I was chanting under my breath “Do it! Do it! Do it!” And then when he made her so fucking happy taking her to the adult arcade… just put me in a bubble with the happy flirty Honey and Peter. 🥰 His inner confession of wanting to marry her, had me screaming and doing a happy dance (in my head of course, considering I can’t do any dancing around at the moment 😅) Like I knew boy had it bad, but this was such an admission… and I loved every single second of it. Though it was still just internally confirmed, I’m glad he at least slightly insinuated wanting her hand in marriage. Maybe she’ll see the little invitation as to how serious he actually was when he said he was in love with her. Not just Honey. But her. It was definitely a moment that will stick with me.

Fifth, I already mentioned how wholesome and fucking adorable it was that he just asked to hold her hand as the bet. And he even gave her the option to choose how long she let it happen. But what I found even more endearing, was that even after that being all he asked for, he still managed to allow her so many chances to win one over on him so that she could have what she wanted. Maybe that was just my take on it, but the way I looked at it, is he saw how important independence meant to her in the moment that she asked for it. And he was willing to, maybe sadly and solemnly, but willingness none-the-less to allow her more of the chance to do that. And he waited for her so patiently for her to shake his hand even. But when he asked her if she wanted to go home and instead they proceeded to spend more time together flirting with each other. My weary heart was happy. ❤️💕

Sixth, you have the that beautiful moment where he’s behind her at the bar being ultra protective Peter and she notices. Where he’s absolutely totally thinking about shoving his face into her neck. I just know it! I kept feeling like he was just gonna lean forward a little ways and run his nose under her ear and sniffing her scent in… ughghghghgh!! Then, one of my favorite moments, where she finally holds his hand. And where she takes him off to the side to “ground” him. 😍😍 This moment really truly shows how much he loves her, and cares for her well being and feelings. She was able to calm him down and bring him back to the present. Not to mention that little side of the mouth kiss she gave him being like his kryptonite. I was screaming, to say the least. The little reassurances she gave him that she would be back and that they could go home was so heart warming. I just hope that he knows what actually happened and he doesn’t just think she ran off. I don’t think my heart could take the pain that would bring to him. And how she couldn’t stop smiling like a school girl on the way into the bathroom, like they’re both love sick and I can already feel the pain and angst to come killing me slowly. 😩😢 My heart hurts just thinking about it. 💔

Obviously I already made my point to the Asshole so I won’t bring him up again. Because I feel like the next chapter I’m gonna have many many words for him.

Once again, @liz-allyn you’ve outdone yourself! You’ve managed to semi-cure my sweet tooth that I must try to keep at bay during my recovery. As well as have me on the edge of my seat (or at least as far on the edge as I can be without further injuring myself). I’m telling you, you’re going to simultaneously be the reason I’m living as well as my cause of death. 😂 but I love it so damn much! I can’t wait to see what happens next even though I’m scared shitless!

I just hope that you can tolerate my ramblings on! My meds weren’t fully kicked in when I started typing this but when you spend 15 years in a household where you literally do every little thing for everyone (as far as cleaning, cooking, organising, errands, working full-time, etc.) to now not even being able to do much for yourself… needless to say, I’ve been having to pause writing to give directions to everyone on what to do, when to do it, how to do it… so yeah, now my meds have kicked in and I’m on a ramble spree again.

But just know that your writing is what is keeping me semi-sane right now. No matter the theme, I just can’t get enough! You’ve been my saving grace at this time and I just wanted you to know! Thank you for doing what you do and doing it as well as you do! Tons of love!! ❤️💕

sugar and vice, pt. 14 [mob!tasm!peter x fem!reader]

summary: Better late than never, and yet still too late.

words: 8.1 k

chapter warning: peter being an idiot, talk of murder, and s*xu*l ass^lt (tw *sa*) descriptions of hospitals, injuries, panic attacks, peter trying his best to be a perfect fluffy boyfriend

series warnings: mob-typical violence, bang bang shoot shoot, whump. hurt/comfort. s*xu*l situations. spousal ab^se. family trauma. dr^g use. coercion. manipulation. kidnapping. gore. blood. toxic/yandere!peter (maybe, sorta), negative self talk, shameless forced proximity trope. ‘only ten one bed oops’ trope, imprisonment. slowest burn. a dash of questionable and/or morally grey intentions. extremely toxic relationships.

This version of TASM Peter is not canon. The relationships and characters here are not healthy.

Don't date a mob boss.™️

18+ You’re responsible for your own media consumption, but if you don't get the Jonas Brothers reference in this chapter, you're probably too young for this.

Back to Part 13.

Part 14

Everything was too loud. Too bright. Too much.

That’s how Peter always used to feel. Never mind the life-long possibility of neurodivergence. When he turned 17, things particularly felt like they were spiraling out of control. He had too much energy, too many inputs of information shoving its way into his brain, too many emotions. No place to put it to use.

He’d spent years honing his ability to focus. To see the bad things coming. To react before they happen. That’s how he’d been able to survive. That’s how he protected his own.

And then one day he’d gotten a cup of coffee and fucked it all up.

He couldn’t get the buzz of fluorescent lights out of his ears. He stood inside a supply room at New York-Presbyterian, trying with difficulty to listen to the voice of the woman standing next to him, and all he could hear was that goddamn buzz, like a chainsaw rattling inside of an oil barrel.

“Hey,” Felicia’s voice sharply snapped, yanking his attention towards her. “Are we boring you or somethin’?”

She, Peter, and a doctor—one of the surgeons who treated Miguel— stood together in the solitude of the small room amongst shelves of PPE, cleaning supplies, and sterilization equipment. They had sequestered themselves in the room for privacy and protection, just in case any unwanted visitors arrived and decided to finish their attack.

Arms crossed, a sharp crease between her microbladed brows, Felicia burned him with her gaze. “You mind at least taking notes for the class if you’re done napping?”

Peter glared back, unappreciative of her tone. “How did this happen?” he asked calmly, eyes shifting back to the surgeon.

“They didn’t give me those details,” she apologetically sighed. Her voice was a low, tense whisper. “But we did find a shard of plastic lodged in his collarbone. Probably disposable cutlery from the cafeteria.”

Peter sighed heavily, eyes grim. He brought his hand up to soothe a piercing ache behind his eyes.

“The damage was extensive,” she explained gravely. “He lost a lot of blood. We counted at least thirteen wounds to the chest and neck. He’s lucky to be alive.”

Peter gritted his teeth, rage bubbling beneath his skin. “Luck.” The word tasted sour as it rolled out of his mouth. He bit his tongue to keep from adding anything further. “Alright, how long until we can move him?”

“Into a private room?” 

“Into a different city,” Peter said.

The doctor blinked. Glanced back between Peter and Felicia. “Are you serious? He can’t leave—”

“Well, he can’t stay,” Peter curtly declared. “The people that wanted him dead are gonna try again the second they get wind that he survived. If they don’t know already.” He glanced warily at the door to the supply room. “And if that’s the case, then everybody in this facility is in danger.” He ground his teeth, corners of his mouth turned down. “And they’re also a threat.”

The surgeon’s eyes darted up to him anxiously, then back to Felicia. She crossed her arms, swallowing with a dry tongue. “Um, sure. I’ll see what I can do. Maybe a few hours, though.”

“One hour,” Peter firmly stated, unsubtle with his criticism. “It’s not safe here. For anyone.”

Holding her tongue, Felicia’s eyes shifted between Peter and the doctor. The air was thick enough to cut through. “Thanks, Helen,” she said pleasantly, a bright contrast from the weight of Peter’s words. “We’re gonna chat a bit then I’ll come out and find ya, ‘kay?” She turned to Peter, with steel eyes and a wide forced smile.

Observing her glare, he gently added, “Thank you, Dr. Cho.”

She nodded, without reply, and discreetly exited the room.

When they were alone, Peter curved his neck like dropping a barbell. Exhaustedly, he pulled his hands down his face. “There’s no way Danny’s people pulled somethin’ like this,” he mused. “This has Kingpin written all over it. Fuckin’ dirty cops, dirty prison guards. Is there anything left in this city that doesn’t have his putrid rot all over it?” He punctuated his frustration by gripping the edges of the steel shelving, indenting his fingers into the metal frame. 

Biting his tongue to calm himself, he paced. “Matt was right. We got another rat. Or something worse. Need to keep our eyes open ‘til we can move Miguel to a safe house.” He exhaled sharply, wrapping his arms across his chest. “We need more men. I’m gonna call in a favor from Brooklyn, see what they—”

“I think I liked you better when you were just a loser,” Felicia muttered, narrowing her eyes on him, “not an asshole.” He snapped his eyes up. “Really, though. This whole ‘fascist-dictator’ persona is throwin’ off my zen.” 

Unamused, he rolled his eyes, grit in his throat. “Say what you wanna say, Cat.”

“Oh, believe me. I will. What in the hell is wrong with you lately?”

“Whaddya want me t’do, alright?” Peter hissed quietly. “Miguel wouldn’t be here if that goddamn D.A. wouldna had a stick up his ass—”

“Wrong, Pete! Miguel wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t almost beaten Danny Rand to death.”

He shot a displeased look at her. He seethed, the memory scorching his brain. “He’ll live.”

Her face twisted with disgust. “Fucking boys!”

“He put his hands on her—!”

“What about it?” she shot back. “You think that hasn’t happened to her before? Are you really that dense?”

“Don’t tell me that,” he warned, feeling his temper rising again. “S’not right—”

“It’s not right, but it happens,” Felicia argued. “Anyone with a pair of tits can tell you they’ve met at least ten Danny Rands—and I’m no exception. But I never tried to murder one, like a goddamn stupid caveman, in a room full of witnesses! Without even checking everyone for weapons first!”

Fixing her with a sorrowful look, he exhaled slowly as he considered her point of view. They both knew she spoke from her history. Deep down, he knew she was right. 

“And for the record,” she added, more poignantly, “she had a chance to stand up for herself and you took that away. That was about you. Not her.”

He cast his eyes downward with a renewed shame. 

“Call Brooklyn,” she flippantly sneered with disdain. “Call Harlem. Call the goddamn Marines. Just make sure you call a shrink afterwards.” 

He swallowed hard, eyes fixed on the floor. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Spider,” Felicia sighed. Her voice was softer, more sincere, but no less disappointed. “Whatever it is—you need to figure it out before anyone else gets hurt. Your girl included.”

Peter drifted like a ghost through the post-surgery ward. Enough of the staff had been informed by Dr. Cho to ‘pretend you can’t see him until he goes away.’ Like the Boogeyman. 

There was extra anxiety hanging over the hospital floor, apprehension increasing with Peter’s presence. No one wanted to see him, much less be questioned whether or not they did.

When he came upon Miguel’s curtained-off quarters, he tensed at the sight of a figure standing at his bedside. Stunned, his lips parted, eyes wide.

“Miles?” It was the first time he’d seen him in weeks. Not since that night where he stormed out of the penthouse after viciously accusing Peter of—

It didn’t matter. He was right.

The teen was bundled in brandless sweatshirt layers, with a thrifted L.L. Bean puffer coat that he’d owned for years. His chin lifted as he shot a cold look at the older man.

“What are you doin’ here?” Peter said as he approached, brows furrowed with concern. “Is everything okay—”

“No. It’s not okay,” he muttered. “I heard someone came after my family.” Miles nodded towards Miguel’s unconscious body, hooked up to beeping machines and a ventilator. Miles’ voice had an unsubtle edge, defensive and cagey. “What was I supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to be home with your parents,” Peter said worriedly. He could feel Miles’ anger, but refused to mirror it. “You can’t be here, man. It’s not safe.”

“I know that,” Miles stated grimly. The boy’s dark eyes met Peter’s, and the mob leader couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He looked older, somehow, despite it only being a few weeks since he last saw him. Weariness drew hard lines on his features in a way that broke Peter’s heart. 

He cast his eyes away from Peter, returning his gaze to Miguel. “Nowhere’s safe when you’re around.”

Albany. Annapolis. Atlanta. Augusta. Austin.

“Are you going out dressed like that? You dress like a whore you’re going to get raped one day…”

Baton Rouge. Bismarck. Boise. Boston.

“I gotta say. I never figured you for a mob whore.”

Carson City. Charleston. Cheyenne. Columbia. Columbus. Concord.

“You’re just a perky pair of tits and a wet pussy for him to shove a couple of babies into…”

Denver. Des Moines. Dover.

Stupid, stupid girl.

BOOMBOOMBOOM

Startled, Honey breached the surface of the bath water with a gasp. Instinctively, she covered her nude body with her arms, wrapping them tightly around her body. 

“Please respond, or I’ll be forced to break down the door.”

The masculine voice echoed from the outside of the bathroom, behind a locked door. Honey was alone, chin deep in the suds of a freestanding soaking tub. She wouldn’t be for long, she realized, as she heard another impatient knock from one of Peter’s faceless guards. 

Likely Rollins. Or maybe Mace. Or Faceless Guard Number Five. 

Whoever it was, they were unwelcome.

“This is your final warning,” the voice repeated. She rolled her eyes. Fucking Rollins.

“Alright!” she snapped, indignation filling her voice. “I heard you!”

“Open the door!” Rollins ordered.

“No!” she hissed. “Don’t come in! I’m changing a tampon!”

A pause. Silence. 

“Mr. Parker arranged a vehicle to transport you.” Rollins was less eager to open the door, but no less irritated. “Get dressed. Car’s waiting.”

“Wait, what?” she called back, echoing off the tiles. “For what? Where am I going?”

No answer.

She was alone, left in the dark. Literally. 

She hadn’t even bothered to turn on the lights all day. Instead, she let the afternoon sun pour in through the floor-to-ceiling windows of the bathroom, naming the seagulls that flew by, imagining what it’s like to walk through walls, picturing that the glass didn’t exist, and contemplating how brief the 20-story trip down to the concrete would be.

The bath water had gone cold long ago. 

She sank beneath the surface again, weighed down by her heavy heart. 

He said ‘transport you,’ like she was a package. An empty box. 

That wasn’t far from the truth. She had felt empty since last night, when Peter told her, patronizingly, to ‘go to her room.’ It was insulting and infuriating, especially after they had just shared— 

Whatever that was.

What it was, she was humiliated by it. She didn’t know what madness came over her. But she’d never experienced—never even participated in—anything like it before. Never acted so fearlessly and intimately lewd in such an open manner. 

Not even during her marriage. 

Certain things were not permitted for her, masturbation was one of them. On the rare occasion that she was horny, there was only one place she was allowed to put that energy.

She refused to think about that further, for fear that she’d sink into the bathwater and choose not to resurface. 

Last night was different, in so many ways. There was something about the way Peter looked at her that made her feel powerful. Not merely that she was a goddess, but she was Aphrodite, Pele, Yemeya and Mother Mary combined. It made her feel alive. And when he started mirroring her motions—eyes possessed like a lovestruck zombie—it went from a dizzy, waking dream to the sexiest experience of her life. 

With that act, she opened herself up to him. And he reciprocated, with vulnerability in his eyes and devotion in his breath. It was like he worshiped her. 

Like he loved her.

It was a nice feeling. While it lasted. 

Whatever it was, it was clearly a mistake.

Now he’s transporting her somewhere. Back to the cabin? To another safe house? Is she in trouble? She never went anywhere without Peter by her side. Was he mad at her? Was he sending her away? Had he gotten what he wanted from her and decided—

“Once you’ve served your purpose, he’ll be on to the next one…”

Was he done with her, at last? Had he finally seen what he was wasting his energy on? She huffed, mouth beneath the surface. She probably wouldn’t be that lucky.

The car ride was tense. 

She was alone in the giant backseat of the SUV, surrounded by cold black leather and darkened windows. She felt like she was in a hearse. 

She could see out of the windows, but not the driver. The doors were also childlocked. She had tested them out until the disembodied voice of the driver, hidden on the other side of the partition wall, told her to stop it. 

It was a coffin. She was wearing Yves Saint Laurent to her funeral. 

Specifically, an Italian-made, viscose-and-silk minidress featuring an open scoop back, an asymmetrical hem, long sleeves and a crew neckline. It was sparkly and shimmery, but still edgy, featuring a black snakeskin-esque pattern.

The dress had been sealed in a garment bag and laid out on her bed when she emerged from the bathroom. 

It had been chosen for her. 

She wondered if the snakeskin pattern had any significance. 

The other cruel remark that Janet Van Dyne made wormed into her brain: “Step out of line, and he’ll take you out with the garbage.”

She felt sweat forming beneath her arms. A gnawing fear chewed at her that she would not only be discarded, but literally discarded. In the river. Or a landfill. Somewhere she would just disappear, easily forgotten, never to be found. It was a terrifying thought that Peter was more than capable of.

Perhaps that was a needless worry. Reason told her that Peter wouldn’t call her an Uber and send her off to be executed. 

“Because if I want something done, I do it myself.”

The vehicle slowed down, pulling off to the side of 74th Street. 

Her heart began to race. If he thought she was a snake, he’d kill her with his bare hands.

They were stopped in front of a small, unassuming store front with opaque windows. It reminded Honey of the tiny restaurant in The Godfather where Michael kills the rat who betrayed his family, along with the dirty cop that tried to murder his father. For some reason.

A modest banner hung outside the glass with the words ‘Sushi Ishikawa.’ 

A sushi bar? Were they hoping to murder her with a seafood allergy? 

The car door in front of her swung open, as Faceless Car Driver Number Eight glared down at her impatiently. 

“Get out of the car and go inside.”

Inside, the sushi bar was just as modest. It was a small, intimate place, with concrete floors and brick walls, and no more than eight seats in the whole restaurant. There was only one occupant. Peter jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her standing in the doorway.

Good god—he looked even more dashing than he did the last time she saw him. Although, by the end of that last encounter— with his hand in his boxers— she remembered him looking hotter than the Sun. 

He wore another monochromatic black outfit, this time a leather blazer, with a pinhead-pattern collared shirt, slim-fit trousers and a skinny tie. His hair was fashioned neatly, even more so than usual. The most eye-catching element of his appearance was that for the first time ever, she saw him without a beard.

The change was jarring to behold. Without facial hair he looked ten years younger. Maybe more, like he could still be in college. Clean-shaven, his appearance elevated to a whole new threat level. He looked boyish, the chiseled marble of his jawline now gloriously displayed without distraction. High cheekbones, sharp nose, pouty pink lips, caramel-colored eyes: he had the kind of beauty that a million teenage love songs were written about. 

Looking at him broke her heart. 

Astonishingly, he didn’t seem to notice that her eyes bugged out of her head, because his were doing the same. He wore a stupefied expression, as if he were gazing at a miracle. Mouth agape, he quickly glanced at her overall appearance. Not scandalously like in the past, but coyly, with a flustered face and rosy ears.

His response summed up the contents of his mind nicely. 

“Uh-uhm… hi.” 

The sentence was almost all air, similar to the contents of his skull. His voice was buried somewhere in his stomach. He punctuated the greeting with a nervous chuckle.

His amorous expression made fireworks erupt in her stomach. But as soon as her lips began to twist into a smile, her memories hammered it down. She went cold, dropping her eyes to the floor. 

Like his star had gone out, his life force faded almost instantly. 

“Miss, won’t you come in?” An unknown voice called from behind the bar. 

Peter turned towards two men wearing chef’s uniforms, a young man that looked to be in his 20s, along with his much older father. Their voices startled him, as he momentarily forgot that they’d be there. 

He had forgotten that Honey wasn’t the only person on the planet.

She stared at the sushi chefs curiously, then looked back at Peter, brows pinched together. 

“Uh, yeah,” Peter stuttered, his brain buffering. Cleared his throat. Politely, he pulled out one of the chairs at the bar, dipping his hand towards it in gentlemanly fashion. “Sorry, um, here. Please sit.”

She glared down at the empty chair, then slid her eyes over to him, suspicion etched onto her features. 

“Please.”

His earnest plea didn’t matter. It was obvious that she didn’t trust him. Why should she? They were a continent apart, with her close to the exit.

Her eyebrow raised high. “What is this?”

Peter had come to be familiar with all of her tones of voice. He recognized what her bratty voice sounded like, as well as her stubborn voice, and her grumpy voice. This wasn’t any of those. A hard edge had been carved into it. Sharpened with spite.

He gulped, shrinking at the anger buried in her tone. 

“Um…” he began timidly, “I, uh… I felt— Things, um— The last few days got blown to hell. And… I didn’t want you to-to think that I didn’t remember. Or that I didn’t want to remember, or that it wasn’t important to me, y’know. ‘Cos, it is. It really is. And this wasn’t exactly what I had planned, but I-I-I really wanted to get this right, and do something—“

“Fuck me!” she spat.

“Excuse me?” His eyes went wide.

“Is this the date, Peter?” she sneered hotly, jabbing her finger accusingly at the bar stool.

Silence. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“Now, hold up, jus-just give me a minute—”

“Why should I? Why should I give you anything?

“Just one! Just one minute—“

“I don’t have one minute to give you, Peter, because I’d rather eat glass than eat sushi with you.” She shot a glance over to the chefs in the corner of the room. “No offense.”

“Well,” Peter sheepishly replied, bringing his shoulders up to his ears, “they don’t have glass on the menu here—”

“Fine.” She said directly to the chefs, “I’ll have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, please. With extra peanuts.”

Peter glanced back and added, “Yeah, can we hold off on that order ‘til the end? We’re probably gonna take it to go—”

“I don’t believe this,” she growled, spinning on her heel and heading for the door. “Good night. I’m leaving.”

Just as she touched the pull handle, Peter was suddenly there with his hand wrapped around the bar—having teleported again in the blink of an eye. She scoffed with frustration, but she wasn’t surprised. All he had ever done was slam doors in her face.

“I’ll take you home,” he offered, his tone placating. She glared up at him impatiently. “I’ll drive you. I promise. I just need…” he sighed, wallowing in hopelessness. “Just give me one dinner. That’s all I’m askin’. If you’re still not havin’ it, then we’ll go home—”

“Fabulous! Then I can go back to my room.”

It was a painful jab for them both. He grimaced, snapping his eyes closed, as if she’d punched him in the gut. Observing his pained expression, she felt a sliver of guilt run through her, much to her agitation. 

Eyes downcast, he whispered with a heavy sigh. “I know I don’t deserve you, alright?” He pinched his lips, the corners of his mouth turned down. She blinked rapidly. “I know, I’m a jerk, and I’m nuts, and I-I should’ve treated you better. From the start, Honey. I know that.” 

Silently fuming, she glowered up at him. By contrast, his voice was mournfully soothing, with an ache in each word. A eulogy to the perfect relationship he’d hoped for.

Bourbon eyes fixed on her, heavy with shame, he pleaded, “I know I’ve got no right to ask. I’ve got nothin’ to say that you wanna hear. I don’t deserve to even talk to you. But in case you wanted to talk… even if it’s just to tell me what a shit person I am... I-I’m here. Alright? I’m here and I’m willing to listen. Whatever you wanna say.”

She noted the way his eyes glistened as he spoke, the hope welling up behind his lids and threatening to spill away. She softened her gaze. 

He sighed, “Please, Honey. You’re so kind, and you give so much, and I’m-I’m askin’ for just one more kindness. That’s it.”

She fixed a hard gaze on him, her brows pinched together, and her mouth as straight as an arrow. 

She hated seeing him heartbroken like that. She hated that she even cared about his heart.

She turned her attention to the chefs standing behind the bar, who were trying to politely ignore the heated quarrel that their only customers were engaged in. Having been in the service industry for a while herself, she sympathized with how awkward it must seem. And she didn’t want to give them the impression that she didn’t want to eat what they had to make.

“Fine. But only because I like sushi. Then I wanna leave. Got it?”

He nodded quickly. “Got it.” 

She flicked her eyes away and stomped over to the bar, plopping down in a seat that was intentionally one chair away from the one he’d pulled out for her. He bit his tongue at the slight, and trudged over to take the seat next to hers.

She committed to dinner begrudgingly, hoping for a single California roll and to be excused. This particular restaurant was different. There was no menu. No orders to be given. 

The elder sushi chef discussed in his native language the origin of omakase sushi. His son provided an English translation—“I leave it up to you.” In other words, the chefs didn’t take orders, instead they improvised a menu of their best seasonal offerings, and presented each bespoke course with artistry and flair. 

The first course of the omakase meal began with a nearly-frozen Kumamoto oyster for each of them, garnished with minced apple. It was delectable. She felt better overall with some kind of nourishment, considering that she skipped the other meals of the day. Her mood improved in just a few bites, albeit slight.

The younger chef then explained that there would be 22 courses in total. She wanted to stab Peter in the eye with a butter knife. Or a chopstick. 

As luck would have it, this restaurant encouraged them to eat with their hands as per tradition, so neither was available.

So she chewed, mostly in silence. By the time she was savoring the ninth course, Peter turned to her with a serious expression. “So where do you stand on wasabi?”

She licked the savory taste of bluefin tuna from her fingertips. “Is it a position on which one could stand?”

Gravely, he nodded. “Yes. A serious one.”

She gave it a few seconds of thought, then shrugged. “I don’t mind a little horseradish now and again. Not too much, though.”

“No, I said ‘wasabi' not ‘horseradish,’” he clarified.

“It’s the same thing.”

“What?”

“Yep.”

“No. Bullshit.”

“No, really. You don’t know this?”

“It’s a plant, a root! I think. Pretty sure.”

“You’re pretty wrong. All the wasabi in 99% of the sushi joints over here, most of the time, is horseradish paste with green food coloring. The real stuff is rare. It’s like $300 bucks a kilo.”

“A kilo?”

“Yeah, the real plants really only grow in Japan and they take years to cultivate—and I don’t know why they sell wasabi by the kilo, like it’s cocaine or something—ooh, future opportunity in case you want to diversify your portfolio— but horseradish is from the root and wasabi is from the stalk.” She licked her lips, pleased with the ease at which she plucked the information from her ever-growing library of useless stuff.

“Well,” Peter shrugged, understandingly, “the metric system is superior—”

“Ugh, don’t get me started,” she grumbled. They shared a soft chuckle, and she ended up blinded by his grin. 

She hated the way her heart fluttered at the sound of his laugh, compounded exponentially if she knew it was in response to one of her jokes. 

Hated the color of his eyes. Like caramel and chocolate. Maple syrup and whiskey. 

Hated his stupid face and his stupid hair. 

Hated the way he made her feel.

Hated how easy it was to fall into a conversation with him. Like they were old friends from grade-school, or lifelong neighbors who grew up next door to one another. She wondered what that life would’ve been like for her: if she’d met Peter in school, before either of their lives changed so drastically.

“How do you know so many state capitals?” Peter asked in awe, in between course fifteen and sixteen. At the same time, he poured a serving of cold sake into her wine glass.

“State birds too,” she explained, with a bit of pride. “And rocks.”

“States have state rocks?”

“Yup,” she said with a nod, taking a sip. 

She had spent most of the time spilling her vast knowledge about subjects most people didn’t care about. Peter cared. He looked at her reverently like she was Moses handing down the Ten Commandments. 

“I was really nerdy about maps as a kid,” she explained, while simultaneously picking up the sake bottle and filling his glass in return. “I would look at this big roadmap book I found in the garbage one day—you know, the old school spiral notebooks that AAA used to give to old people?—and I’d pick a number, and go to that page number, and decide that’s where I was going to live one day.”

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head with wonder. “You’re not gonna believe this,” he replied, cheeks sore from smiling. “But when I was like 9, I had a puzzle that May got from a garage sale, it was like a puzzle map of the United States. And one summer, I spent almost every day assembling and disassembling it. And I’d give the states personalities and proper names. And I’d make up these storylines with them. Like little soap operas, and act them out with the pieces.”

“You what?”

“For real,” he nodded. “Not even joking.”

“You had state dolls? And you’d act out little plays with them? Little land disputes?”

Taking a sip from his glass, he shrugged, considering it. “Yeah, I guess I did.” A grin warmed his face at the memory.

She hated how that smile lit up her whole life.

She giggled with delight at the picture of a young Peter Parker playing with cardboard state cutouts instead of little army men. “Wait, who was the bad guy? There’s always gotta be a bad guy.”

“Well,” Peter sobered, jestfully, “the South always has their issues, y’know? Drama queens, all of ‘em. But the real one you gotta watch out for is Idaho.”

She chortled so loudly that it startled the chefs. 

“God, you’re beautiful.” 

It was nineteen courses in. (She hated how good the food was.)

She blinked, taken aback by the intense sincerity of the comment. He was gazing at her with the same dopey look he wore when she walked in. Like she had the Milky Way in her eyes and he was determined to catalog every star.

Glancing away, she straightened uncomfortably in her chair. “Stop.”

He protested her dismissive tone with an undefeatable smile on his lips. “What? Why? Why you gotta argue with me about that?”

“Because you’re crazy. And you need therapy. Like 20, 25 years maybe. Maybe less, with intense journaling. Medication, too.”

He snorted with a grin, “Yeah, but that’s beside the point.” His eyes were fixed on hers again, drawing her gaze in like a magnet. Fine lines crinkled the corners of his eyes in the most flattering way. “I’m serious. You’re beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes with a bitter smile. “Flattery isn’t going to make this meal last any longer than it needs to.”

His grin faded a bit as he studied her further. Brows pinched, face contorted with puzzlement. “I don’t get it,” he mused. “How could you look in the mirror every day and not see what I see?”

She flicked her gaze to him briefly. His eyes twinkled as he observed her, his heart spilling out of them and onto his sleeves. She gulped hard. Lips formed a line, a wry edge to her words. “I’m not perfect, Peter.”

“I didn’t say ‘perfect’,” he replied. “I said ‘beautiful.’ Flaws and all.”

She hated the sincerity in his voice. 

“You ever think you’re just looking at me through rose-colored glasses?”

“No, I don’t think that.”

“Well, might want to get your eyes—“

“I don’t think that,” he doubled down, “because I’m in love with you.” 

Her mind locked up, like a car crash in her brain. 

Whipped her gaze over to his, eyes as wide as saucers. Perhaps she expected to see another sardonic smirk, or the beginning of a chuckle to confirm he was aware of his hyperbole. No such artificialness could be found in his enamored stare. Instead, he admired her—even more so in her dumbfounded state—studying her features with wonder. 

“No matter how hard I tried not to, I fell in love with you anyway,” he affirmed.

They were in a vacuum. Every sound in Manhattan vanished, save for the thrashing of her heart. She glanced away, the sensation burning into a sharp ache.

“You’re in love with the idea of me,” she said with a melancholy tone. “You love Honey. Not me.”

“Is that right?” Peter replied, too quickly to be an agreement. Frustration clawed through his tone. “That’s what you think? Okay. And what about you, huh?” He pinned her with his scrutinizing stare. “Which version of me are you in love with?”

Her pulse tripped at the accusation. Honey glanced away, eyeing her glass of water anxiously. She could feel his gaze on her, waiting patiently for a reply. Her tongue was twisted up in her mouth. 

“Maybe I’m wrong,” he said, mournful. “Maybe I do need a shrink.” He was thoughtful and analytic, perhaps speaking more to himself than to her. “I gotta be doin’ somethin’ wrong here. All the people who matter the most to me are the ones who think the least of themselves.”

A shadow fell over his expression, like a solar eclipse. Immediately, she found herself missing the sunlight.

After bidding fond goodbyes and leaving a generous tip, Peter held the door open for Honey as they stepped out into the night air. She glanced around expecting to see a blacked-out SUV idling off the curb, but only saw an empty street. She crossed her arms, anticipating that Peter was up to something.

“Where’s the car?” She questioned, a brow raised.

“Oh yeah,” Peter pointed at the unoccupied curb, as if he’d forgotten something. “I sent them home. I drove here. Valeted around the corner.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “Uh-huh.”

“I figured I could just drive us back myself.”

“Uh-huh.” She gave him a scrutinizing stare, unsatisfied with his answer, with just the slightest upward curve of her lip.

Placatingly, he touched his shoulders to his ears. “No-No, I know,” he nodded, agreeing with whatever it was she was saying with her eyes. “We’re gonna go home right now. Just gotta walk around the corner.”

She narrowed her gaze. He brought a hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing it idly. “Unless,” he added, with a devious look, “you want to hang out a little later?”

There it was. She pursed her lips together, pretending there wasn't a smile there. “Dinner is already over, Peter.”

“I know it is.”

“You said you’d take me home after dinner. That was the deal—”

He argued, failing at sounding casual, “And I will! I just, y’know, wondered if you, um… wanted to finish off dinner with… like, somethin’-somethin’ extra, y’know? In case, y’know we get hungry later? Like an after-dinner appetizer? Or a-a chaser? Somethin’ to aid the digestive process?”

She scoffed with a hearty laugh. “Oh? Did a new craft-antacid gastropub open somewhere?”

He beamed at her warmly, biting the soft flesh of his lip. “Even better.”

“What are you up to?”

He pocketed his hands in his jacket, gazing down at her excitedly. “It’s a surprise,” he grinned with a smile that should be criminal. “You in?”

This was stupid. She was stupid. She should not be this giddy about something so silly. But as her astonished gaze flicked between Peter Parker and Michael Jordan, ‘giddy’ was the only appropriate word.

They were standing in the back of an arcade. A 'barcade,' rather. The enormous space felt electric. Like a playground for the inner child, buzzing with the sounds of bells, buzzers, and blasters. Of laughter, and virtual engines revving, and of a high-intensity K-pop soundtrack over on the Dance, Dance Revolution platforms. 

It was a mix of classic video game cabinets, like Galaga, Pac-Man, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as carnival-style games, like Cyclone and Skee-Ball, and pinball machines for every metal band of the 80s. 

The highlight for Honey was where they were standing. She looked up in awe at a 2-player Extreme Shot basketball station, decorated with buzzing lights, an electronic scoreboard, and Looney Tunes characters. The one and only Space Jam-themed game she had ever seen.

She couldn’t tell if the bells and whistles were coming from elsewhere or the inside of her chest.

“Peter, this is…I-I—” she breathed slowly, her heart swelling. Eyes brimming with tears. “I hate this. I hate you. I hate you so much. This is the greatest moment of my adult life. I love everything about this!”

Peter nodded, amused, “That’s pretty much the reaction I was expecting.” 

With big wet eyes, she looked up at him like a child at Christmas. Pure joy. It was like looking straight into the Sun. Her joy was too bright to look at without feeling like he would melt. Inexplicably, her face prompted a giggle that broke out of his lips. An unusual sound unheard in over a decade. He glanced away, shaking his head with cheeks flushed. 

“You wanna play?” He reached into the netted bin and lifted out a basketball. “One-on-one?”

Mouth still slightly agape, she looked down at the ball, then back to him. “That depends. Are you ready to be humiliated in front of all of these people?”

He barked out a laugh. “Humiliated? Wow! We’re trash-talkin’ now? Is’at where we’re at?” A light airiness elevated them, one that shaved decades off of their lives and painful scars off their memories. “Okay, that’s how it is?”

“That’s how it is,” she affirmed, reaching for her own basketball. She kicked off her pumps next to the arcade cabinet, dropping four inches like it was a useless advantage to have. She padded over with bare feet on the cold concrete floor. 

“Oh, wow. This is—this is serious?” He palmed the basketball, spinning it in his grip. “Now I’m worried. You’re... very confident. How ‘bout we raise the stakes, then? Wanna play for somethin’?”

She paused, throwing him another suspicious look. “Where is this going? You know I’m not your Sugar Mama, right? Can’t keep funding all your little expensive shopping sprees.”

He gasped, feigning a scandalized face, “Rude. That’s… that’s rude!”

A giddy laugh burst from her lips. “Okay, then what?”

He hesitated, his confidence faltering for a moment. Biting his lip, he glanced over at her with doe eyes and pink cheeks. “Your hand.”

Her eyes widened. “My hand?” She repeated, harsh judgment in her tone. “What-What’s that supposed to mean? My hand in marriage?”

Peter gasped. His brows shot up instantly, then he pinched them together. “Ohhhh man.” He brought his fingertips up to his lips, looking down at her with pity. “I was just talking about you giving me a hand with the dishes—?”

She snickered like a child, smacking him on the shoulder playfully. “Stop—!”

“—Aww, this must be so embarrassing for you!”

“You menace!” 

They broke into a fit of laughter, eyes crinkled, bodies doubled over. The landscape around them shifted and cracked, huge chunks of ice thawing in the spring sun.

“I mean, now that you mention it...” He spoke with a more sober tone. Slyly, his eyes slid over to hers. Cavalier and cool in his demeanor, Peter shrugged, but failed to withhold his excitement. “That’s actually not such a bad idea, y’know?” 

With a wily smirk, he fixed a burning gaze on her. It was all a ruse. It would take an elaborate deception to pretend that he hadn’t been dreaming of marrying her. Perhaps even from the very first day they met and she told him to have a good day. 

Buried beneath the cocky facade, there was a sincere question that echoed from his gaze. The fearsome king of New York’s underground blushed nervously in front of her, with soft, boyish eyes that were too vulnerable and too tarnished by tragedy. And yet, there was a glimmer of hope in them. A diamond in the darkness.

She saw that look, and she felt faint because of it. Weak in the knees, stomach fluttering as if a bouquet of roses bloomed in her belly. Helplessly, she stared back at him with the same mix of fear and longing. She held her lips closed.

Spotting her hesitation, he lowered his eyes, swallowing a frown. Then, his tone brightened. “How ‘bout this,” he conceded, more casually. “If I win, you’ll let me hold your hand.”

She blinked at him in disbelief. “You wanna hold my hand?” 

Her tone sounded much more critical than she intended. The sharpness of it cut a nick into his confidence. He faltered for a moment, avoiding the instinct to flail as he sank further into the depths. 

Instead, he held his breath. Pressed his lips together and nodded with a gentle smile. “For as long as you’ll let me.”

She stared blankly, dizzy with swirling emotions. One moment she wanted to kiss him, the next she wanted to kill him in his sleep. It was astonishing how one man could invoke such opposite emotions.  But as easy as it was to fall in love with the light of his gaze, she recalled the cool chill of the dark cavern within.

Her smile faded a bit. “If I win, I get space.”

“Space?”

“To be my own person,” she declared with resolve. “In my own home. On my own. No cameras. No creepy guards lurking in the halls.” She glanced away, adding delicately. “My own bed.”

Peter raised his chin, gazing down at her with a softened look. He remembered Felicia’s words about what he had taken away from her while trying to offer her the world. 

Solemnly, he nodded. He agreed to the terms, a bittersweet half-smile on his lips. “You’re on.” 

The first game was a fluke. They made it two out of three. Then three out of five. Then four of seven. Best of nine. And by the tenth straight loss, the streak needed to come to an end at some point. 

Peter offered her a respectful handshake as consolation. Tried not to smile at the sourpuss frown. Failed to not smirk at her accusations that he cheated. Denied rigging the game somehow. Denied that he actually owned the game and the arcade, and that all of its patrons were actors. 

He tried with difficulty not to laugh as she scowled and pouted and crossed her arms, glaring up at him like an angry cat left out in the rain. He remained reserved with his hand outstretched, waiting for their contest to end amicably.

He waited for her. For years, he waited. Until she slipped her tiny hand into his, firmly returning the handshake. 

Before she could take her hand back, he tugged her close, until their mouths were inches apart. Until they breathed the same air, and were oblivious to the bar atmosphere around them. Until all she could see was him, and even that was a struggle between his heavenly eyes and his sinful mouth. A glowing ember gaze, burning with passion for one another.

“Ready to go home now?” he asked, wearing a half-smile that infuriated and enraptured her. “Or can I get you a drink?”

They spent the next hour and a half flirting like teenagers. Joking like old friends. It made her feel normal, made him seem normal. Like the insanity of their lives had never really happened. Or if it did, it was all going to be okay now. 

They blended in effortlessly with the rowdy crowd of twenty-and-thirty-something’s occupying the bar. But first—he had to get rid of that tie, she told him, untying the knot with a cheeky grin. He fought vertigo as he felt the warmth of her fingertips undoing one of his top buttons next. 

They battled against invading aliens, other Formula 1 drivers, and The Foot. Surprisingly, they made a good team. They picked out a lineup of their favorite songs on the jukebox, who knew they both were once Jonatics? 

Every new piece of information added to an intricate jigsaw puzzle, the final picture ever-changing. Until it was—and by extension, they were—unrecognizable. Indistinguishable from the sort of person they would both want to spend the rest of their lives with. 

For a few brief shining moments, they had forgotten who they were supposed to be, and what they had lost.

Not every habit vanished. Peter still crowded up against Honey’s back as she sidled belly up to the bar. No part of him touched her, but his hands locked to the counter surface on either side of her, making her feel like she was in a cage. She looked up at him to see a hardened jaw. He was distracted, glaring defensively at the walls of humans closing in on them, while simultaneously eyeing the exits.

She only then noticed how much he was struggling to remain calm in this situation. It wasn’t a cage he had built, but a shield. His agitation and intensity wasn’t about possession, but protection. Her heart ached at the sight. It warmed at the sight. It reminded her that no—they were not like everybody else. They had both suffered horrific circumstances and would always bear the scars of them.

Regardless, they had both survived.

The gentle touch of her hand covering his stirred him from his hypervigilance. He snapped back to the present, looking down at her fingers as they intertwined with his. The color returned to his white knuckles as they relaxed in her hold. 

He focused on the warmth of her skin, the smoothness of it, how incredibly soft she was, as well as the steady beating of her heart. Knots loosening, his muscles relaxed as she leaned her body heat into his chest. Gentle humid breaths brushed across her collarbone. He breathed her in, deeply inhaling her perfume, her scent, her shampoo, and the hint of hoppy bitterness on her left on her tongue. The simple action ached, like he had been drowning for years and he finally took a full breath. 

He didn’t even hear the bartender prompt them for their next round. Luckily, she was capable of speech and handled it for the both of them. She could’ve ordered the whole bar and he wouldn’t have cared. He was too busy staring at the nape of her neck, the roundness of her shoulders, the delicate ridge of her spine. The feeling of her bare skin against his chest. He wanted to tear apart the fabric that separated them. His swelling heart threatened to burst out of his ribcage.

For a moment, Peter Parker found peace.

“Salud!" she grinned. She had turned around and was handing him a perspiring pint glass. She smirked at him over the rim, locking eyes as she clinked her drink to his. Enamored, his whiskey eyes lingered on hers, before being mesmerized by the cupid’s bow of her lips. 

“Ahh!” she suddenly gasped, as her body jolted forward. The spell was broken at the sound of her alarm. 

Peter glared over her shoulder and shot a death-stare at the two men standing next to them. Red-faced and inebriated, one of them was recovering from a tipsy stumble. The drunk man spun around, looking down with horror at the woman he’d nearly knocked over. 

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry—”

Peter pushed himself between her and her drunk attacker in an instant. She straightened and he spun to face her. Eyebrows pinched, lip curled, blood beginning to boil, his eyes searched her figure for injury. He was in a frenzied state of near-panic, as if he expected to find a gunshot wound.

“I’m okay, it’s okay,” she laughed. 

She laughed.

Peter blinked to see her examining the wet fabric of the front of her dress. Her beer had sloshed out of her glass and soaked the front. Despite the gooseflesh that broke out from the cold liquid, she wore an amused grin on her face.

“Fuck, I am so sorry!” the drunk dead man slurred. “I just—shit, lemme get you some towels—”

Peter turned his head, glaring daggers at the two men, eyes black as coal. He wasn’t just staring at two drunk guys in a bar. He was staring at Danny Rand’s bodyguards at the club. Wilson Fisk’s henchmen in the auto body shop. Flash Thompson’s teammates in the high school locker room. 

“No, no, really—I’m okay!”

He heard her voice somewhere in the back of his head. Her light tone didn’t match with the sirens ringing in his brain. “Look at me, it’s fine,” she chuckled somewhere in the distance. 

Her hand cupped the side of his face, smoothing over his clenched jaw. He flinched at the contact, a gasp catching in his throat. Peter was looking at her now, studying her concerned gaze and the half-smile still on her lips. He raised an eyebrow at her amusement.

“It was an accident,” she murmured, to the group, but more to him. “We’re okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Blinking rapidly, he leveled her with a confused look. Displaced. As if he had fallen asleep and now was awake in a different location. She took his hand and he was being pulled through the crowd away from the bar and the stuttering apologies of the Drunk Bros. He was in a daze, being guided gently until they came to stop in a dull corner of the arcade.

“Hey,” she said, searching his face with concern. “Look at me. Are you okay?”

His tongue twisted in his mouth. “Wha—you... I... I didn’t, uhh, but—”

She stood up on her toes, pulling his face down, and brushed a gentle, soothing kiss at the corner of his mouth. His brain told him that he was flying, fainting and flailing in an icy river—all at the same time.

“It’s okay, Peter,” she whispered, rubbing the nape of his neck. The feeling of her fingertips made him prickle all over. “You with me?”

The fog was slowly lifting from his brain, his cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. “I... I didn’t...”

“You did okay,” she whispered, combing her fingers through his hair and sending goosebumps down his spine. “I’m okay. We’re safe.”

He let go of a tense breath as her words sank into his cerebrum, relieving a pulsating ache that had started less than 60 seconds ago. For once, both voices in his head were blessedly silent. Closing his eyes, his neck craned forward, touching his forehead to hers. 

“We can go home now,” she softly replied. “I think I’ve had enough to drink anyway.”

Eyes closed, he nodded. Deep breaths. In and out. 

“Look, just give me a minute, I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick,” she coaxed, straightening her back. “We’ll go home right after, okay?” 

He looked up at her, a line formed between his eyebrows. He didn’t have to speak a word for her to read his mind.

“I’ll just be one minute,” she said, backing him towards a wall. “Just wanna clean this up so I’m not so sticky, okay?” Her voice was as melodic and soft as a song. His heart pounded away until her hand came up and rested gently over it. “I’ll be right back,” she whispered with a curved lower lip. “I promise.”

The blood was still returning to his lungs, adrenaline dissipating. After a deep breath, he pursed his lips, nodding at her. Not as approval, but as reassurance that he would be okay. 

She held her gaze on his for several moments, melting his brain even further. If she didn’t leave soon, he’d be runny eggs dripping down the wall. She grinned sweetly, and rounded around him, skipping towards the restroom. His eyes followed her until she disappeared.

Honey felt her heart fluttering as she came to a stop inside the bathroom. Compared to the ruckus outside it was like a sanctuary. She took a deep breath as she gazed in the mirror. That was a close call. That was scary, in fact. So why could she not wipe the stupid smile off her face? 

She smiled like a schoolgirl. Grinned like a fool. She winced at the sticky sensation on her chest, but also sighed at the butterfly wings beneath her sternum. This was ridiculous. She was ridiculous. Why was—

The partition door behind her swung open. Reflexively, her eyes flicked up to the figure emerging, expecting a feminine form. She was wrong. Her smile faded. Her color drained. Terror overtook her features. 

John Walker stalked up behind her. She opened her mouth to scream. 

She didn’t get the chance.

To be continued...

[back to masterlist]

a/n hello! next part is already written and will be up once I have a chance to edit. it's going to be really, really painful. :-) like so much pain.

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[knowlesian]

i’ve been having some fascinating talks about implicit bias and fandom lately (and implicit bias in fandom) and i only see this stuff really discussed in certain circles where the facts don’t need to be laid out, so i wanted to sort of break it down for anybody who hasn't already seen somebody do this.

okay, so: to start. 

to be flippant, implicit bias is when you Do A Bigotry and you don’t even know it.

i’m gonna focus in on race here because i’ve got the perfect example, but for reference implicit bias covers a wide array of biases and assumptions made about any given group of people, usually thanks to cultural cues or training, etc.

back when falcon and the winter soldier first aired, something fucking fascinating happened.

because one of the things i will say the show did pretty well, especially early in the season, was portray a constant stream of microaggressions and instances of implicit bias aimed sam’s way. it was one of the reasons i broke a years long marvel break and actually bothered to check it out.

in the first episode, there's a scene where sam and his sister sarah visit a bank and attempt to get a loan. the white teller recognizes sam but assumes it must be because he used to play college ball at lsu, when sam says he’s the falcon and turns on the shine to try and get this done the guy just goes ahead and takes a selfie without asking, there's some pretty realistically uncomfortable ‘ah yes, my brother, i too am down!’ bullshit, he talks over sam a bunch and won't let him talk about his plan for the business that would be a reason to give them a loan, then he acts like it’s sam’s fault being an avenger didn’t come with a paycheck and talks down to him about it in a million ways, acts like sam is a charity case and not a fuckin hero, and then is like well it’s just you see. you did not exist for five years, and you did not earn money during that time, and even though you qualify for a loan by the ‘old terms’ there are just so many more people now, sooooooo they just don't seem like good candidates for the loan. not gonna happen.

sarah says she knows it’s about their race; the teller is REAL FUCKIN OFFENDED. he says ‘whoa, easy there, i’m on your side’ in a tone of voice i don’t think i need to describe much, because when a white guy tells a black woman anything that starts with ‘whoa, easy there’ (especially because she was like, okay well that’s racist though) it’s kinda obvious how he said it.

and then, because why not: he asks sam for another selfie, this time with sam posed differently because apparently that first one he took without asking permission was not good enough.

so: i went well jesus. that’s pretty blatant. woof, with the flood of racism. that was like a neon sign.

and then i went online. and to be clear: some people talked about the racism! but it was not a majority of fans.

there was one major category of response i found... somewhat frustrating, but very understandable nonetheless: a flood of canon-based ‘um, ACTUALLY’s about how tony (or pepper) would never forget to support the avengers, or how could tony what a dick, etc etc etc.

almost none of that seemed to mention the racism busting through every seam.

and, look: i’m a pedantic little fucker. back when i consumed comics i was an x-men kid, so this was not my canon rodeo enough to even start being pedantic, but i really do understand that urge.

however, that response missed the entire point of the scene— that sam and sarah live through the endless indignities of racism, that the teller rejected their offer despite the fact that their family had been using that bank for ‘generations’ and the teller knew it, and though he did not know it consciously, he did it because they were black.

which leads me to the second school of thought, and the one that is still pissing me off to this day, a little bit.

fans arguing: okay, but that wasn’t racist! he just denied the loan because there is so much going on. why would you say he was racist? he didn’t say anything racist.

this was so mainstream an opinion the creator of the show had to clarify on twitter: no, folks. that guy Did A Racism.

and i still see people arguing the point sometimes and saying he’s wrong! still! even though he created the show and wrote that fictional man into being!

to this day, there are an odd amount of people who want to argue it’s not racism unless it’s on purpose, and it’s also not really racism until somebody uses a racial slur.

which is... you know, just sort of empirically wrong, but also stealthily loops back around to reinforcing white supremacy.

because, okay, if racism only exists in the most horrible margins and we accept that definition, who does it benefit? who wins and who is actually in control, when we decide that until the hate is so blatant those who set cultural standards go: yep, they did a racism. i see it now, it doesn’t count?

the exact wording on who wins i will leave tactfully in subtext, but i will say this: implicit bias is one zillion percent racism, and part of the reason that kind of subtle racism is so hard to even start to talk about is because people can lean into ‘well maybe they didn’t MEAN that’ or ‘i just think you're reading into it’ or ‘it’s not THAT bad’ or ‘it was just a mistake!’ etc etc etc into forever. 

basically: white supremacy’s second best tool right after violence is silence. that’s why ‘silence is violence’ is such a handy phrase. it’s snappy and it’s true. 

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[soulwillower]

troublemaker II • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested:  IMA NEED A PART TWO OF TROUBLEMAKER   +    also R U GONNA MAKE TROUBLEMAKER P2 I NEED A PART WHERE THEY FALL IN LURVVVVV    +   holy shit ainslee troublemaker was amazing can you please please do another please    +     will you ever do a part two to trouble maker? i fucking loved it    +     heyyyy so if ur requests do ever open again u should make one where it’s a part two of troublemaker but the reader is the dominant one this time 😳    +     IMFG IM GONNA NEED A PART TWO OF THAT FIC MISS    +     hey ainslee queen I hope you’re doing good I know I am since that fat Cheeto is finally gone lmaoo anyways but I just had this moment in my head since I read your new Richie fic (which I loved): enemies to lovers but it’s sub!richie instead 😉💜💜💜    +      yooooo your fics are sooooooo gooooood. and troublemaker kinda deserves a second part with richie teasing the reader at dinner      

this was highly requested so here!! part 2 of troublemaker!

part one here 

warnings: unprotected sex, pool sex, brief mentions of being caught, sub richie, a bit of switch richie for a hot sec, choking, a bit of praise, dirty talking, french richie!! also a slap (reader slaps richie), i think thats it but this is rly unedited.

translations: (**DISCLAIMER I AM NOT A NATIVE FRENCH SPEAKER I AM TRYING MY BEST**) 

“tu vas me tuer“ - you will kill me

“dit ‘merci’“ - say thank you

“merde” - shit

“oh, mais tu l'as toujours aimée, non?” - oh, but you’ve always liked her, no?

[characters are 18+.]

2.5k words

♡

the next day was just odd.

you're not sure what you expected - it's not like a momentary weakness on both your sides could have unraveled the years of disdain and hate that you've sewn for each other.

so, somewhere in your sex-muddled mind, while you’d been staring at the marks left on you in the mirror, imagining his pale skin against your own, the lasting sting to your hips and the soreness to your throat; you’d almost forgotten how miserable richie was to be around. 

but then you were all at lunch the next day. sitting at the large family table, next to your parents, across from richie and his own parents. and he started dragging his foot over your leg, teasing lightly and making you flush in heat, your eyes meeting and sending thrills through your body.

you don't think anything of it when richie accidentally drops his fork on the floor under him and then excuses himself to crawl under the table like a five year old looking for a crayon, in fact, you just roll your eyes at his stupidity and continue to talk to richie's mom, who sits a few feet away from you at the spacious table. 

a jolt runs through your body when a hand gently caresses your inner thigh, and your breath becomes hitched in your throat, momentarily losing your voice. you look down quickly, to find the mischievous eyes you've spent too much time thinking of the last twelve hours staring at you from under the table, head between your spread legs, mere inches from the apex of your thighs.

 you feel your cheeks heat up as you stutter to answer maggie's question about your hobbies, suddenly hyper-aware that when you'd come in from the ocean you'd left your legs and swimsuit bottom uncovered with only a shirt on your chest. 

a quick kiss is pressed to your clothed clit and you jump back a bit. “y/n, are you okay?” your mother asks, and you kick blindly under the table in shock. a thump sounds under the table and richie yelps, “aie!” 

you cough, “sorry, just-”  “-y/n kicked me!” richie calls, the scrape of the fork on the floor making you roll your eyes. fucking idiot. 

“play nice, y/n.” your mom chides. you shake your head, going back to telling maggie about your afterschool endeavors. 

"-oh, one of richie's friends does that, too." went adds, perking up. you smile, cheeks flushed as richie returns to his chair, fork in hand and a huge smirk on his lips.  you glare at him, flashing him the finger. he just raises his brow, puckering his lips slightly and dropping a wink. 

"oh, that's right! richie, what's her name? my, she is very sweet." maggie adds, taking another bite of salad. richie's eyes meet yours through the top of his bottle of corona lite, as he takes a swig then wipes his lips, smug smirk making you burn in irritation. wentworth laughs, "yeah, she was sweet until you both showed up with hickies everywhere. i swear, there wasn't a single inch of clear skin." 

maggie throws cauliflower at wentworth as she mutters, "went! knock it off."  richie just chuckles, shaking his head. "c'mon, pops. shit happens." he defends. his dad, egged on by his son, laughs, "yeah, no kidding. i think every single girl you've ever had over has left with at least ten hickies. you could at least buy them dinner." 

"hey, at least he has a job," your mom adds, and you squeeze your eyes shut, expecting something bad to follow. "- that way you don't have to be the ones buying him his twenty pack condoms every month." they all laugh. 

“say, y/n may be the only girl your age we know that hasn’t fallen in love with you.” his dad jests, making everyone laugh. “-yet,” your dad adds, and you glare at him.  you shrug, “it’s not really hard at all.” you say. richie scoffs, “you sure, toots?” he asks with a grin. 

“believe me, you’re not my type.” you spit. richie laughs, “right, you like a good gentleman, right? someone who will say ‘you’re welcome’ when you say thank you?” 

you freeze slightly at his words, heat pooling between your legs as you remember the night before. the way he made you say thank you. but his boldness to bring it up in front of your family has you rolling your eyes. “i think i like someone who will do what i say.” you respond. 

his mom laughs, “that’s not a big deal, richie’s all talk, but he’s a nice boy at heart. he needs someone who’ll boss him around.” she winks at you. you turn to richie, in turn raising your eyebrows cockily. he stares back at you. 

“oh, richie’s too busy with those other girls for me, anyways. i have my own troublemakers to worry about.” 

“okay.” richie starts, “i won’t waste my time on you, then. i got plenty of fish in the sea at home.” he says with a wink, and you turn red. why are you still so jealous? 

maggie hums, “oh, mais tu l'as toujours aimée, non?” her tone is teasing, and whatever it is she said makes went laugh, richie’s face going pink. “shush, maman, you just want y/n to marry me so i don’t go through five divorces.” 

everyone laughs. 

your eyes are wide, face full of heat as you stare at your food. the toziers and your family both have always been open about sexuality, and generally really close and so you're used to teasing like this from your parents and them, but you can't get over how jealous you feel. 

so richie has mind-blowing sex with everyone? you glare at your own cauliflower. 

"i'm going swimming." you say abruptly, pushing back and glaring at richie, tossing your finished plate in the dishwasher before exiting quickly, rushing to the pool on the side of the house. 

you're not in the pool for even two minutes before richie's footsteps echo down the side of the house. 

you hide your glare as you look at your body in the water before meeting his eyes, "what can i do for you, tozier?" 

he gives you a smirk, "someone's pissy today." he mutters as he slides into the pool, sitting on the bench under the water on the edge of the shallow end. you glare at him. "what was that shit you just pulled?" you snap. 

he looks at you innocently, "what? i did nothing. it was our parents. you're just fucking sensitive." you roll your eyes, heaving a sigh. when you look at him again, his eyes are trained on the skin of your chest exposed by your swim suit, and you glare.

“what? you like what you see, asshole?” you ask, snapping your fingers so he looks up at your eyes. he smirks, “yeah, i do. can't stop thinking about all the ways i could make you scream. if only you weren’t such a bitch.”

your jaw drops and you wade in the pool towards him. “says you. you couldn’t fucking handle me, tozier. you’re too much of a coward.” you spit. he just smiles. “right, again, i'd like to remind you how many times you begged me and thanked me last night." 

“i hate you so much.” you say, mustering the best glare you can. he raises his eyebrows. “oh, really? is that why you stormed out here?” he says. he tilts his head, "i thought it was because you were just aching so bad for me that you couldn't wait. 

you raise your brows, "fuck you. you were hard the minute i came in for lunch." you tease, toying with the strap of your bathing suit. richie's jaw clenches, but he shakes his head, "as if you weren't begging me to fuck you not twelve hours ago?" he counters, but his voice wavers slightly as you move toward him in the water, slowly sliding to straddle his lap, hands falling to his bare chest. 

"you're unbelievable." you counter, grinding your hips on his and relishing in the pleasure that courses through you. "i know how bad you need me." you whisper, kissing his earlobe before biting the skin of his neck below it. he hisses. 

he's kissing you seconds later, hands pawing at you under the water. he tastes like lime and a bit like the beer he'd had at the beach and again at lunch.

you drag your hand slowly under the waistband of his swim trunks and grasp the base of his cock, squeezing as you start to twist your wrist. he lets out a short moan, his head falling back against the edge of the pool. fuck, he’s so fucking hot like this. you pull him back in for a kiss before looking at him, stopping your motions with your hand. he moves his thumb to trace idle circles over your clit, and you bite back a moan as you watch him.

“what, are you waiting for instructions?" he asks with a cocky smirk. you glare at him hotly. 

then you're sinking onto him swiftly, making you gasp in pleasure and discomfort. he’s so fucking big, but you bite your lip so he doesn’t get the satisfaction of seeing you like this. but then he's the one a moaning and whimpering mess, because you're adjusting and still and he's restless. you feel him inside you, full completely with his cock, him at your mercy, and it makes you smirk. 

"beg for it, richie." you say. 

his eyes widen, cheeks pink. his mouth opens and closes several times, but you're patient. “tu vas me tuer,” he mutters to himself, and you roll your eyes. “i don’t speak french.” you snap, tugging his hair. 

 "please move. wanna feel you around me, please." he rushes out, groaning as he begs.  

you smile mockingly and rise, sinking down onto him again. "was that so hard?" you ask. you gasp, hands clutching the edge of the pool on either side of richie, the feeling of his cock stretching you making you whimper in bliss. he moans your name and it sounds melodic to your ears, his eyes shutting and head rolling back. 

you grab his jaw, though, and mutter, “look at me when i’m riding you, richie.” your voice is sweet and smooth and nothing like the words that fall from your mouth, and you feel him twitch inside you. it makes you grin. he moans, “merde.” 

you move on him, thrusting yourself up and down on him as the water moves around you, adrenaline coursing through you at the thought of getting caught. it makes you grin as you pepper kisses up and down the column of his throat. "god, y/n, please, feels so good." he whispers, hands gripping your hips. your stomach swirls, still responding to the praise though you're the one in control. 

you find a new angle and bite your lip to keep from screaming at the feeling and see richie biting his own bruised lips, his face flushed and chest heaving. his hands are digging into your hips harshly and if you weren’t in so much pleasure, you might laugh at how desperate he looks for you. he’s hitting deep inside you and you feel full, moaning as you bounce up and down.

“fuck, y/n/n… please, please.” he whimpers, his hands running over your hair and your shoulders, lips feathering over the column of your neck as you bounce yourself on him. you moan into his skin, kissing softly under his ear. 

"what do you say?" you whisper into his ear, tugging on his lobe. he lets out a low moan that has you clenching around him in arousal. he rolls his eyes and doesn't respond, so you tug his curls back and he hisses lightly, "i don’t know what you mean." he mutters, cheeks bright red. it makes you smirk, stomach curling with the need for sweet revenge. yes, he knows, but you play along. 

“dit ‘merci,’ pretty boy.” you whisper into his ear, using the only french phrase you can remember that you may or may not have looked up earlier today. but no matter, his reaction is priceless.  

goose bumps raise on his neck and arms and he groans lightly, muttering, “merci, ma belle.” 

you lean back, hips slowing, and you can tell it's torturous for him because his hands tighten on your hips, a small whine escaping his throat. "what was that, richie?" you ask, slowly grinding your hips and letting him hit that perfect spot inside you, making you close your eyes in ecstasy. "say it louder, i couldn't quite hear you. want everyone to know how easily i make you melt." 

"sh-shut up." he mutters instead, his hips starting to snap up into you. you're suddenly shocked by his switch in demeanor, you can tell he's trying to take control; you nearly laugh, and you would if it didn't feel so euphoric. he's smirking as he holds you, fucking up into you and making you clench your fists into his hair, struggling for dominance. "so easy for you to think you're in control," he mutters, "i could tell you were jealous. you only want this cock for yourself, isn't that right?" 

you flush warm at his words but you just glare, filled with anger so you surge forward, hand wrapping around his throat. his eyes go wide and a moan escapes his throat lowly, his hips stuttering. you hum in mock empathy, squeezing your hand lightly as you pepper kisses up his jaw. you start to bounce on his cock again, feeling so close to your orgasm that you have to contain your moans. 

"god, you're so hot when you stop talking." you whisper, hand wrapping around his throat, repeating the words he’d said to you yesterday. his adam's apple bobs as he swallows and stares up at you, a new kind of fire lighting in his eyes as he looks up at you, cheeks reddening as he lets out a light moan. "did you think of me again last night? when you were going to bed?" you ask gently, cupping his jaw as you move on him. 

he pants, nodding lightly with his bruised lip caught under his teeth. "did you think of fucking me, in the ocean? in the pool? in the kitchen? or did you imagine me swallowing your cock under the table during dinner?" you whisper to him, his adam's apple bobbing again, freckles popping out against his reddened cheeks. 

you tut, "richie, did you try to make me jealous today? that's a little embarrassing." 

"it worked, didn't it?" he mutters through a clenched jaw, eyes screwed shut in pleasure. you glare at him, hand raising and slapping his cheek lightly. his eyes shoot open as the left cheek fills with a light pink color, a smirk on his face that sends another wave of arousal over you.  it's almost a reflex it seems as richie's own hand shoots out of the water, wrapping around your own throat. 

you stare at each other as you continue to move on him, his hand on your throat and yours on his own, his cheek skin red from where you'd just slapped him. "that's a yes, doll." he mutters, still smirking. 

then you're moving your hips in a way that hits your g-spot, momentarily losing your grip on his neck as the pleasure makes your eyes roll back. his hand falls from your throat and rests on your hips, tugging you closer to him with need. 

richie’s torso falls back so he’s leaning against the pool wall, his eyes not leaving yours, desperation etched onto his face. you lean to press your hands against his chest, changing the angle again. “fuck.” he mutters and you moan, your legs burning but the pleasure flowing through your body.  

he all but growls, his head falls back with a groan of pleasure, his hands raising to your hips and fucking up into you, eyes scrunched.

"y/n, i'm close, please." he mutters. you moan lightly, "me too baby." you hiss back, his hand thumbing your clit and making you clench around his cock with arousal, legs shaking and toes curling as you fuck down onto him. 

his hips are stuttering and he’s whimpering, thumb rubbing against your clit. you moan at the feeling, whispering praise into richie’s ear, making him snap his hips quicker.

you hit your high quickly and it makes your body shake, your legs stuttering as you still yourself on him, moaning into his neck.

you start to move again, allowing richie to chase his high as he whimpers into your lips, gripping your thighs tight.  "please, please." he's groaning and then his hips are stuttering and he’s moaning your name, cumming as he kisses you.

you feel him fill you up and you sigh in pleasure, feeling shaky but more than satisfied. his hands fall from your hips to wipe at his hot, red face. you run your hands through his salty mess of curls, swallowing. "sorry i hit you." you say genuinely, even though you know he liked it. he chuckles, hands wrapping around your waist. 

"you should know that i liked it. i know you did too."

you can only chuckle lightly, face warm as you bury it in the crook of his neck, still too sensitive for either of you to move yet. he continues after a beat.

"i may hate you, y/n, but god damn if our sex isn't the best i've ever had." he says it in an exhausted voice, eyes closed as your skin sticks to his own, but you laugh a bit tiredly, pressing a kiss to his collarbone and comfortable in the feeling of him still deep inside you. it’s obvious that the feeling in your chest when he speaks those words is pride. 

"then we need to make the most of this vacation, i guess." you say, eyes fluttering. 

tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @chl0bee  @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @groovybimbo @deepestofwaters  @nate-hargreeves @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter @babytortie @decafcoffew  @etaerealboy

© all content belongs to soulwillower/tremendum 2021. do not modify, repost, or redistribute. 

[magireco]

out of curiosity what do you think of the characterization of homura in rebellion? i hugely dislike it but get the impression you enjoy it which i think is interesting cuz we seem to have very similar thoughts on homura pre-rebellion (CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG)

THIS IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON WHAT FLAVOR OF REBELLION HOMURA YOU MEAN. i really really like the way she was done in the first half of the movie but as for the twist at the end...? mmm...

...okay, so... i've been thinking about saying this at some point but i keep avoiding it in fear of causing discourse and such bc... this is a really unpopular opinion apparently, but I really do not think devil homura was done properly. read under the cut if you wanna know why i feel this way!

the first issue i'm going to address is that there wasn't NEARLY enough buildup for it. i'm going to explain this from the perspective of a first-time viewer: what would you have thought would happen after the very last scene of rebellion leading up to them breaking homura out of her soul gem? when homulilly got purified and the flowers on her head turned to sakura flowers (y'know, the flowers that symbolize life and rebirth, homura being reborn from her witch)? did you think homura was suddenly gonna undermine madoka's godliness? because, uh, first-view me did not think that at all. and neither did almost anyone i know who watched it for the first time. not only is that poor setup but it's just so sudden and it feels so out of character compared to what we'd seen in the entire series as a whole, especially considering that the entire last part of the movie leading up until that was about purifying her... and saving her... there wasn't enough buildup. most people are like "but the flower scene happened!" but that's still way too vague...? it's hard to tell what conclusion homura comes to at the end, because we don't get to see any of her internal monologue... there is no other buildup after the flower scene... it just skips to homura realizing she's a witch. wouldn't that bring the viewer to think the flower scene was something that made homura realize she was a witch rather than her suddenly starting to form her plan? it always felt like to me the conclusion homura came to at the end of the flower scene was that she was validating madoka's bravery and telling her that if it ever came to that, she'd have the ability to make that hard decision. which is... so... weird? because i always interpreted that as homura coming to terms with what happened? i could just be interpreting it wrong though, but isn't that supposed to be our proof scene? our buildup scene? why would they make it so hard to understand? we need to know such important buildup points just as blatantly as the natural buildup to homura becoming a witch was. that's just from a moviemaking & writing perspective though.

secondly, i'm gonna discuss homura's motive. i actually ended up understanding were she was coming from after a while of being like "what the hell that makes zero sense!!!!". madoka is a 14-year-old girl who, in order to save the fate of every magical girl, literally had to sacrifice herself and erase herself from the world, and in the end, madoka just ended up saving homura again, and that must've made homura feel like her promise with madoka was never fulfilled. it's unfair what happened when you think about it and the law of cycles should not have been run by madoka herself because she, as any other 14 year old, deserves to be happy on earth. although it was said in magireco that madoka felt happy with what she was doing (and she felt like it truly gave her a purpose), she did admit to feeling lonely and homura probably made that assumption big time. but the way the writers went about it just made her seem so sinister... so out-of-character-ly sinister. what with the evil smirking and the deepened, almost... uh, sensual-seeming voice, and homura completely ignoring madoka's fear. it feels like they twisted her character extremely suddenly and it throws the viewer on a loop. they could've gone with that ending without making such drastic and sudden changes to homura's character, and if they were planning on doing that, why did they not give us more buildup? buildup that wasn't extremely cryptic that you have to scan and search every detail to get a clue? something i love about rebellion is that every time you watch you find something new, but how come some of the only clues illuding to devil homura's existence are in the op? it's odd. why didn't they go with something like making the incubators run the law of cycles? they were the ones at fault for causing it to be created. but honestly, the incubators cannot be trusted with anything, which is why it'd make sense for a magical girl to run the law of cycles, but if homura and madoka had the combined power to do so, what if they just remade the law of cycles so it was less unfair to madoka...? i don't know. either of those possibilites would make more sense than what happened.

something else that kind of irks me about it is that they demonized(literally, lol) homura's love for madoka. homura is very much a canon lesbian, and it's incredibly discomforting to me that they made her seem, outwardly to the viewer, so selfish...? please don't get me wrong, i'm not ACTUALLY calling homura selfish -- i know the entire akumura facade is a mask she put on, but like, it's so much more blatantly sinister than she is in the series when she's putting on the coolmura facade. it's going to really confuse the viewer and see every single one of her actions from the entire series in a completely different light, INCLUDING stuff that happened in rebellion itself. like the genuine sadness homura felt, the way we saw into her soul and felt her pain, that genuinely made a lot of people i've seen think that it was ingenuine upon first inspection... they made homura turn "evil" out of her love for madoka, as if it's a bad thing to fall in love, and as if love for another girl was what corrupted her soul gem... i understand that gen urobuchi probably wanted to explore that kind of path where love leads to obsession or whatever, but homura was selfless to a fault, constantly trying to force herself away from the others in order to not get attached, and deeply afraid of seeming creepy and predatory and scaring(she said this herself), which is exactly what she ends up doing at the end, and i feel so awful that they did that to her... how is the viewer supposed to know what her true motives are at that point? it gets all scrambled up after they did that huge plot twist. i'm going to address another thing super quick before people jump in my ask box over this, i understand also that it would make sense for homura to be obsessed with madoka, but in the series, it was never shown in this light, and like i said, if they were going to do this, why'd they even have the purification scene at the end at all? the buildup is all wrong . it also just made me upset that this ending caused SO many people to start literally believing homura is evil because of her actions at the end, and it made people become even more vehement on their beliefs that homura is obsessive and ps*cho...

i was really confused when i watched it for the first time (and also sobbing hysterically, literally, my funniest rebellion story as someone who has genuinely watched the movie 40-ish times, i remember vividly the first time i watched it i started sobbing on my hands and knees on a yoga mat in my mom's room). also like, just to prove my point a teensy bit more, the ending was so ambiguous and out of nowhere that one of the first google results to "madoka magica rebellion" is "madoka magica rebellion ending explained" because it shocked people so much that that was the first thing they needed to google. also, the fact they left us on such a vague cliffhanger and then abandoned the movie series for a total of 8 whole years only to make a sudden comeback in god's holy year of 2021 was almost cruel. LIKE GUYS I JUST FINISHED UP MY DEVIL HOMURA HEADCANONS IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!

...anyways, um, i really have to address the sexualization. madoka magica, previously, was a series that avoided fanservice in the show, at least, but why did they make akumura's design look like that...? it shows an unsettling amount of skin and like, every three seconds in the end they're focusing intensely on her lips and her eyes and... it's almost like the writers forgot she was 14, but they never seemed to forget that in the series? what happened????? in the transformation scene, we get closeup views of homura's thighs and back and stuff and it's all open everywhere... they made her tights into thigh-highs... in the whole series, even when she went to school, she always wore tights, and she was wearing tights in her magical girl outfit too... they absolutely deliberately did that to sexualize her further so they could make official art with her thighs out. speaking of official art that unsettles me, why does so much of the official art make the whole outfit just glued to her body and you can see all the shading on her features... it's just. ugh. anyways.

i went off a LITTLE too much on this and i know this is probably gonna get me some weird glances in the fandom and i am open to hearing other people's opinions but i don't think i'll ever stop disliking the effect this plot twist had on the fandom's interpretation of homura and although i'm like UNDENIABLY incredibly hyper excited for the next movie, i'm kind of...nervous for what this is going to bring? i don't want this next movie to cause the same amount of discourse the ending of rebellion did and i legit just want to see homura happy. another one of my main issues with the ending is just that homura is SO unhappy when she literally deserves to be happy SOOOOOOO BAD and just take a break from all the loops ... i'm Praying to madokami out there that that's what happens.

i know this is all really funny coming from someone who draws devil homura on a regular basis and literally writes her, but like... i'm a lesbian i'm allowed to<3

ANYWAYS thanks for listening this was a fun ask!!!

[nothingtoseehd]

eah characters as cavetown songs

this was inspired by @/applewhiteapologist's eah characters as taylor swift songs, sooooooo yeah

some characters might not be here because: 1. it's hard to find songs for them (as of right now) 2. i forgot them/i'll do them if i have more time

apple white - devil town v2/green

-i chose devil town v2 because it seemed the most, uh, apple out of all the devil town versions? devil town v1 seems edgy-ish, and devil town v3 seems lower and calmer, i think???? maybe i just chose this because it has those light, floaty chords, i'm not sure, i'm not smart or anything -also i honestly felt like this was hard -i chose devil town because it could represent the future she pictured in her mind when raven didn't sign the book -i don't really know what to explain green, but like, ashlynn and apple in true hearts day??? that's the best way i could explain this song -lyric analysis time: --"i still get a little scared of something new, but I feel a little safer when i'm with you, falling doesn't feel so bad, when I know you've fallen this way too" ---apple is "a little scared of something new" because she's in for an unpredictable future without the storybook of legends ---for the falling part, it's like she's not so sad about being led astray when she's with her friends maybeeeeeee -lyrics for green because i can't explain it but it's just THERE: --"you looked so good in green i hope you’re well and you look so good with him and i’m proud of you still take care of my shirt warm and red i hope you think of me still as your friend i hope you love yourself your body and heart i hope you feel happy that’s all i want that's all i want"

raven queen - devil town v1 (dang it there's no purple text so have plain text)

-i just chose devil town v1 because i think it would work well with her guitar, i actually don't know how guitar works but i'm pretending to know how it works, don't tell anyone i don't know how they work -i think this song could represent her home life and whatnot because she's living with the evil queen -it's lyric analysis time!!: --"you said something dumb again, she's mad, at least that's what they say" (i just used orange so the lyrics wouldn't blend in as much) ---the something dumb thing could be like a 'nice deed' the evil queen doesn't like, and she's mad because of that --"we're all dead in devil town, that's fine, cause nothing's gonna scare us now" ---she's 'dead' after all the nagging and 'be eviL EMBRACE YOUR INNER EVIL' shit and it's now the normal, and it's not going to scare her since it's basically her life now -also slowed devil town can fit her too

madeline hatter - hug all ur friends/talk to me

-she's just so friendly?????? and supportive?????? and oh gosh i need a hug???????? -seriously though, they suit her because she feels so much like a huggy, supportive person and she's friends with everyone sooooooooooooo, hugs for everyone!! except you crystal!! and headmaster grimm!! not forgiving for the time you almost banished maddie!! -the lyrics because i can't explain these songs, it's just that maddie vibe, you know?: --"life’s too short to worry about things that we got wrong, so hug all your friends and let them know, you’re not letting go, i’m not letting go" (hug all ur friends) --"you don't have to be a prodigy to be unique you don't have to know what to say or what to think you don't have to be anybody you can never be that's alright, let it out, talk to me" (talk to me)

briar beauty - pigeon

-i had a very hard time with her but i think this kinda fits -it generates a sleepy vibe? (even though i didn't get this from the sleepyhead album *cough cough*) -okay, so the reason why i chose this for her is because of the chorus, which could kind of tie in with her destiny, with the 100 year coma -have the chorus for reference: --"didn’t give me time to say goodbye in the way that i wanted to, so honey, close your eyes and stay like you’re supposed to do, don’t know how i’m gonna live without, but i’ll stay strong for you"

ca cupid - sweet tooth/for you

-this is already self-explanatory if you listened to the song(s), buT IF YOU HAVEN'T YET, basically it's a song about an unhealthy crush and love and stuff -and you know who she has an unhealthy crush on???? that's right, it's blondie!! /hj (but seriously, in canon it's dexter but uH, i refuse to believe that, they're better off as friends) -lyric examples because like maddie, i can't really explain it but i know the vibe is THERE: --"a sweet tooth for you, i'm wide awake, the sugar went straight to my brain, feel like a kid, i double tap, my chest with my fist, i like you, say it back, say it back"

cerise hood - snail

-snail iS SUCH A GREAT SONG OMG -snail kinda represents her childhood and 'not wanting to be born like this' because of her parents technically breaking destiny (stupid storybook of legends) -lyrics from the song because i kinda don't really need to explain this song more: --"i was just born like this, wish that i could change it" --"i'm hanging out with the foxes and the hounds, and when i fit in i'll break back out"

daring charming - boys will be bugs/lemons (technically cavetown is just a feature but he's still there so yeah)

-it's just about the vibes -and also about the fact that the person in the songs have to uphold some sort of standard (the songs' standards were about masculinity) and i thought it could fit daring because he also has to uphold a standard (being the perfect charming prince) -also in lemons, daring's part is the one where cavetown sings it (if that wasn't obvious) -also ANOTHER LEMONS SIDE NOTE, i'd imagine rosabella singing brye's part, just because -lyrics time: --"don't mess with me, i'm a big boy now and i'm very scary i punch my walls, stay out at night, and i do karate don't message me 'cause i won't reply, i wanna make you cry ain't that how it's supposed to be? though it isn’t me boys will be bugs, right?" (boys will be bugs) --"so i'm gonna take it out on you too proud to show i'm hurting push it on you 'til you're burning" (lemons)

darling charming - 888/trying

-888 is a fun song, very groovy, has peppa pig plasters, 10/10 -main reason i chose 888, it kinda feels gay when you put it under a certain light?????????? -and snail could also fit with darling but i don't want to rob cerise -i was very stuck for a second song for darling because i felt obligated to give the charming siblings two songs because they're that top tier, but i think trying could be a good fit to some extent -could be like 'not great relationship with parents, struggle to fit with their standards ever since she found out she wanted to be a hero or something' -i still do think snail is a better fit for darling but i really really don't want to rob cerise because cerise is amazing -some lyrics: --"i'm workin' things out clouds lookin' strange papercut fingers dancing on the strings if i could see you right now i'd dance just for you when the nightlight goes out" (888) --"please let me know if you change your mind cause inside i'm falling And I need you to pull me out of this decline i realize how hard on you this must seem But trust me when i say it's far, far worse for me" (trying)

dexter charming - telescope/home

-telescope just feels like his vibe???? also because it kinda also have hopeless romantic-ness???? -also i headcanon him to be an astronomy nerd???? so that's fun???? that's my reasoning i guess???? (also, side-note i have just listened to astronomy by conan gray and it fits dexter) -ALSO HOME IS HERE BECAUSE DEXTER IS TRANS YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND -also because it's also his vibe??????? -what time is it????? *clap clap* it's lyrics time!!: --"through the lens, it's dark, single-digit on the clock singing, "yessiree, i sure like-a you a lot" all i need is to get her she'll be happy if you let her" (telescope) --"turn off your porcelain face i can't really think right now and this place has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane are you dead? sometimes i think i'm dead cause i can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head but i don't wanna fall asleep just yet" (home)

okay the process of this post was just me staring at the lyrics and listening to cavetown a lot, sometimes during online classes but shhhh don't tell anyone (and finding more great songs)

is this post going to flop?? very very likely. do i care? eh, not sure, this was just me trying to put on my big brain hat.

also i realized while reading this post, that i never actually analyzed the majority of the songs' lyrics in this post?? so i'm very sorry

[sodasback]

SPOILERSSSSSSSSSSS

Things I did notttt like in season 2:

Alligators 🐊 …. Yep just alligators

They made JJ seem a lot dumber this season. Like of course we love crazy JJ, but last season he still seemed like he could be a secret genius. Now I’m like alright this is just a dumb 16 year old who strikes gold every once in a while.

The girl John B flirts with at the bonfire … sooooooo cringey like I’m kinda hoping they meant for her to be thattttt cringe so we would just automatically hate her. But I think it was a whole unnecessary level.

Kie says she’s been friends with the boys since kindergarten at one point (alright we’re abandoning the 3rd grade thing fine) …. Like I just don’t get loving/understanding parents disliking your friends THAT much. Like I get Kie gets into a lot of shit because of them, but do they not realize how much those lost boys need a Wendy??

I feel like Kie had a weird trajectory this season, but I think Bailey killed it.

Topper def loves Sarah more than John b does.

Wish there was like something cute between Rafe and Wheezie at some point to make us believe Rafe has a sliver of humanity left in him and that Wheezie (and Ward) is the only person he wouldn’t hurt.

We did not get the scene of Plum pushing JJ against the wall. (Maybe it was supposed to be her instead of the other officer at one point, or there’s a deleted scene that NEEDS to be shared)

We didn’t find out about anyone’s Mom?!!! Like so many opportunities for John B, JJ and the Cameron’s to get a mom backstory. They’re some frickin Disney characters over here with no parents.

Like maybe he’s not supposed to be, but Luke feels wayyyy older than Anna. He graduated like 10 years before her lol and for a split second I was like nooooo JJ and Kie are brother and sister somehow?!!!! Lol glad that didn’t happen

I get he was going off the deep end and it would have been super creepy and tooooooo inappropriate but the Drew Starkey lover in me wants him to at least FLIRT with someone. I feel like when he’s all drunk at the bar, he could have at least flirted with a person. It would have been cringey but still.

Sad Pope and John B didn’t like acknowledge the fact that John B kissed Kie in season 1. Like something stupid about bro code but then John b being like I dgaf. Anddddd I kinda felt like there was perfect opportunities in the last episode for Kie realizing she loves JJ to be like “well I kissed the other 2 already might as well give this a shot before I finally realize I’m a lesbian and Sarah and I are meant for each other.”

Everything medical except for JJ’s explanation of rebound pain in appendicitis. Everything else was soooo bad. They use the ambu bag backwards. WORST fake CPR I’ve ever seen. She was dead for minutesssssss; that would have caused brain damage for sure. The “paramedic” who doesn’t know how to give epinephrine???

The amount of times Rafe almost kills Sarah. Feels like a lot lol calm down bro

I wanted something different/more between Jj and luke. Idk what but I feel like that could have hit better

Also feel like they could have done some serious foreshadowing in the whole JJ after his dad is gone and his little speech into really making us think they killed him in that last episode.

John B’s mom supposedly being alive and not hearing about or acknowledging her son is probably on international news several times in the last few weeks and ya know might get the death penalty apparently.

Things I Loveddddddd:

Heyward. That’s it.

Topper redemption

Kie and Luke *chefs kiss

How John B narrates at the beginning that everyone dies, making us think that we’re gonna lose a lot of ppl this season and it’s going to be Game of Thrones level of no plot armor for the characters and then literally not one of them dies. Like everyone we think dies comes back to life. Lol …. I love this in an ironic way.

Rafe’s “nature kills” speech

Every time Rafe talks to Barry and gets all hot

I wasn’t like a big shipper of anyone really, but after JJ asked how Pope was in bed, I was like kayyyyy they have to.

Love that Pope was the MVP this season. Like it was his season.

Ward not choosing his children …like I’m really glad they didn’t do that. Even though I def wouldn’t blame him for being like oh shit Rafe’s a psycho

There were some ACAB vibes that I liked. But glad we got some Shoupe redemption too.

Barry realizing Rafe is a psycho. Lol

Jorge!!!! I’m so glad we saw him again, but he didn’t mention the bike

John B and JJ reunion, but I feel like they should have leaned into it more

John B finally being like ...okay let me save my friends and surrendering to the cops. 

“Kay round 3 bitch” 

Drew has to come back next season otherwise this was all dumb af. soooo we’re getting more Drew. like there’s no way out of it!! 

I’m def gonna think of more later lol Thoughts???

[oopsitstini]

- STORY about the first time I have met mr Harry Edward Freaking Styles

I’ve decided to share this story on here, cause I never did before, and it’s a fun story so yeah!

So let’s start from the beginning. I’m originally from Poland, and I have moved to uk in July 2017, on the 7th if being specific. And I swear to God my life is just some sort of a reality show, because literally I have met Harry on the 13th of July, 2017 - on the Dunkirk premiere in London - so just 6 days after I moved to UK🧍🏽‍♀️I mean like - It’s been three years by now and I still can’t even think about the fact how fucking lucky I was back then. The best thing is that I practically didn’t plan this whole thing to happen.

Basically, I woke up that day and straight went to twitter, you know, as usual to check if anything is happening or whatever in the fandom. Then I saw on one of the 1D updates that Harry’s attending the Dunkirk premiere in London today and it’s on the Leicester Square. SO I WAS LIKE SHIT CAN I GO, but I didn’t know if it’s gonna be possible for me to enter this area of premiere, as I found out that you need to have this entry/pass handband, and I did not have it and the other info was that they’ve already gave them all away, so I was like well..but I still can go even to stand somewhere near there right? Cause maybe I would still see something. I was still 15 at that time so I couldn’t go by my own to freaking London so I asked my grandpa if he could come with me, and thank god he agreed. We went there, and I still asked this guy if it’s possible to enter or to buy this handband, even though all of them were actually free, but he also said they’ve stopped giving them away like a few hours ago, so yeah. I went and just found this one good spot so I could see even a little part of the stage and red carpet, but my grandad went to look for something to drink and he came back a few minutes later saying that he literally just saw that they started letting more people in and giving them the handbands, and at first I didn’t believe him and didn’t want to go cause if he wasn’t right and I would leave the place I found someone will take my spot and I won’t see anything, but finally I went AND THEY ACTUALLY WERE TAKING MORE PEOPLE IN, and now I just think that they needed bigger crowd, cause it probably wasn’t that big that they thought it would be...so they gave me the handband, checked my bag and let me in. AND WHEN I’M TELLING YOU I WAS EXPLODING INSIDE I WAS EXPLODING INSIDE.

Then the actors arrived and I couldn’t see Harry at first, cause I’m just so short- and my grandpa took me to sit on his shoulders (PLS) so I could see properly, and I died inside when I saw Harry. For everyone who hasn’t seen him irl I have no idea how to explain the feeling that I’ve felt in that moment.

Finally when he came up to me, it was just sooooooo quick, cause obviously there was so many people and he wanted to interact with as many as possible (🥺). I had SO MANY THINGS IN MY MIND that I wanted to say, so many things I wanted to tell him, but I just couldn’t, because of shock and thinking for too long. It was literally like my mind just went blank, empty. I just stood there and was looking at him after I gave him my notebook for him to sign it, and the funny thing is that I gave him a pen but he had his own one so he SMILED- I took a few pics cause I was holding my phone all the time and I didn’t even think about taking pictures, I just took them. THEN when he was still writing, the only thing that I’ve managed to say was that “my name is Sara” I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, LITERALLY I DON’T, THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT CAME UP TO MY MIND but Harry didn’t hear me properly so he looked at me, gave me my notebook back, smiled and asked “what?” AND ME BEING A DUMB-ASS JUST SAID „OH NO NO NOTHING, DON’T WORRY” and after that he went to a few other people quickly (I also saw Anne and she looked so amazing istg) and then they went towards the enter of the cinema so...

Then I just squat down and started crying so bad that some lady hugged me. I will never forget that.

[elliemyrah]

Let’s talk followers

Sooooooo

I’m almost at 300 followers.

I’m not gonna tell you how far I am from it because that’s not what matters. 

But when I saw that was near the 300 mark I started to think about how this has been the biggest number I’ve gotten since I was on the internet. 8 years I’ve been here and the highest I’ve reach was 200. And that was on Deviantart. 

With that said I don’t like my deviantart. I have had to many bad memories over there. I had people who said they were my friends but really they just wanted me to draw their characters. I had an actual person, I knew personally, even was in my main friend group, completely brake me to were I was put into therapy immediately. I was groomed twice. And I wrote a horrible pokemon comic that still gives me nightmares. I seriously don’t recommend you go check it out I honestly still post there just to have my work show up in more places. Even may out of no where just delete it.

Anyway I have had better luck here on tumblr. I’m still really cautions with new people and I try avoiding fandoms. Why? Because I’ve learned trying to identify yourself with fandom can lead to biased opinions which can lead to toxic defenses for when someone points out your specific fixations are actually bad. 

You can say I’m part of the SRMTHFG fandom but I have I really done much to show that recently? I don’t even consider my comic counting all that much. I don’t talk about the show really but I mean I could. The show hasn’t really aged well and I really just like seeing other peoples renditions and characters more than the actually source material. Like Glenny is African American teen with large ape arms like come on! I don’t hate the show in fact I still love it but I honestly rather it be rebooted then wait for a 5th season. And the people in the fanbase is a small amount so it’s easier to pick and chose who I want to be around more.

Now listen if I get it excited to see you it’s not because of what you draw (Sure maybe a follow, like, or reblog)but it’s because I simply like talking with you or you made feel comfortable around you. I have a really thick wall up from people screwing me over too many times. Hell recently I had a job interview where I was asking the man questions first before we got to me. He thought it was really funny heh nice guy. Trust me when I consider you as a friend I can’t refrain myself from giving ya lots of love. 

Also for the people who have commented and hashtag commented(Why do u guys do that Btw. I‘m curious.)I have read every single one of them, they given me so much joy. I even look back at my older work just to read the comments all over again, you guys are really sweet. Thank you. Honestly that’s all I care about. Likes, reblogs, and followers can be just numbers by the end of the day but a comment tells what you actually thought of the piece. Now if your awkward like me and don’t really know what to comment that’s fine I’m not saying’ Always comment!’ Just know that’s what I look for.

 Thank you to everyone who has supported my comic. I’ve really learned a bunch for my past stories weather it be public or personal and I really have been enjoying creating this story. This story has a rough draft of how it’s all gonna go down and I’ve constantly changed characters around, roles, adding new character and even their designs and genders. (Which is still happening) Even the story is changing around a bit every time. So people from drawing parties take what I tell you with a grain of salt. I have mad ADHD and can strip my focus really quickly so keeping everything the same is almost impossible. Also the next part should come out this week, sadly it is a two parter. Sorry I really tried to make it one but it got to long. Just simply zooming out made me almost lose my sanity. Besides it introduces Fluorite and I gotta give him as much love as possible. Plus I really want to be able to at the least post 2 pages a month with other drawings at least twice a week. So your patience has been wonderful.

Ok I think that’s enough for now.

If you read all this, thanks for reading.

[frida--y]

my thoughts on trains you asked?

Was going say this is my first sentai, but I’ve been watching zenaki!!

Man, I love toqger so much. It’s prefect really.. just such a good run. I love the power of imagination. I was sort of afraid it was just gonna be,”I’m gonna imagine beating you!” but it really is so much more. 

It’s the power of wanting, hope.

Wanting to be a better person, stronger in so many ways- and seeing yourself achieve it by your own merits. It’s hoping for a better outcome and seeing the light at the end, finally getting your happiness. Moving forward.. GO!!

It’s also about the bird wig episode :)

but man.. these kids.. they’re just KIDS!!

There were hints that this was gonna be the reveal, but man does it still hit so hard when they confirm it. And the fact that the more they fight, the more likely that’ll be stuck in their adult forms. Sucks!!!!!!!!! LET THEM BE KIDS!!!!!!!!

The villains were so fun too, it’s good to see in-fighting and see the dynamic change through out the show. Of course I love my girl Gritta 💕

Zed was also so great, such a sympathetic villain too. It’s kinda really sad that someone like him cant get what he wants! But his violent way of wanting to possess the shine for himself is what truly makes him a threat to our heroes. He wants to break from his total isolation in the darkness and wants to be in the light (even if he physically cannot live in it), he yearns for it and cant understand why he cant have it (in end he does know why, but still.... he wants it). Really entertaining when Right gives into the darkness and Zed is so angry about it. Satisfying ending to Zed, a sad ending!

I love my kids!!! 

I think they’re a great cast! Tokatti’s super awkward but has really great brave momentes. Hikari’s super serious and level head and has that. amazing detective episode. Mio’s perceptive and takes care of everyone and learns to show her vulnerability to others. Kagura’s super great! Brave! Strong! The best! Right!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE RIGHT!!!!!!! I really love whenever the villain says how’ll they beat our heroes and Right goes, “Nah.” It’s so great, gives him a bit of more a bite, just a cute little punk!

How can I not talk about Akira... him being a parody of the stoic character that bravely dies for others is sooooooo funny. Completely endears him to you and it’s just great comedically when the rest of cast is “-_- not this shit again” 

Man what an emotionally great series. I cried so badly when Right tries to leave by himself and the rest of the cast turns back into kids and are running and calling for him!!!

a 100/10 series for sure. Imagination rules!!

bonus pics:

my daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!

my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hikari!!!!

Akria beating the shit out of his former boss bare fisted on top of him, let’s fucking gooooooooooooo

annnnnnnnd big fucker extreme