#i know as a dragon i was extra territorial so it makes sense for me to be extra Like That i think?

[whelpimnauthuman]

I always think I'm not very territorial/don't have a high prey drive... Yet, the few times I've mentally shifted and have had that kick in, it's very much the opposite. Chasing the intruder off "my territory" (well beyond what was necessary, tbh), wanting to chase and bite and kill the small thing...

[valeriefauxnom]

Crack Dragalia Theory:

...Did Midgardsormr kill the royal family's mom?

Okay, hear me out in this relatively unevidenced argument.

Here's what we know of the Queen's cause of death:

So she left to a village that had severe storms and got killed in a tornado, caused by a dragon. Ok.

Here's Mids' story.

Now, you might be saying, Mids surely isn't the only one whose presence is tied to storms. And for that, you'd be entirely correct. Dragons like Zephyr and Pazuzu are both also noted/claim to be able to summon storms in their presence.

However, Pazuzu, who would be the best counterargument, doesn't 'just' bring storms - he poisons things in his presence, poisons water, spawns miasma. He's the embodiment of calamity- a simple tornado wouldn't be the only thing he kicks up, even if he could potentially have been drawn to the previous disaster unfolding.

Most other wind dragons wouldn't likely be in Alberia. Several are on top of (or inside of) mountains, or otherwise just not noted to having a proclivity (or power) to starting tornadoes or other wind events. Others are wanderers free as the wind. Others have other environments they prefer, or in another country to begin with.

I'd also like to bring up geography, everyone's favorite subject.

Here's South Grastea:

Here's some relevant geography marked that I made a bit ago:

Here we can see that there is both a settlement close to Sol Alberia (the capital, mind you)... and one that's directly next to Mids' territory.

Mids 'marks his territory' with gales. He might have unintentionally kicked up a tornado near his forest, the boundary of his territory, and it caught Rovetelle, killing the Queen, who had simply stepped out of the capital's safety to a nearby village (see how close they are), thinking it relatively safe for a good PR move or something. Rovetelle is also called the 'City of Trees' in a weapon description, so it seems quite close to the forest.

Now, yes, there may well be undescribed dragons that could have done it, but if you are willing to entertain Rovetelle as a potential location for the demise of the Queen, I would counter that a dragon as powerful as Mids likely discourages other dragons from even daring to encroach on his territory. He's the primal embodiment of wind and revered among dragonkind, he's not just another to squabble over territory with.

In less of a logical sense, it also would add some thematic oomph to Leo's grandstand at ch.12. That battle takes place, in, you guessed it...

Rovetelle forest. And since you can see that both Chanzelia and Valkaheim both are to the north of the Halidom, they both for some reason decided to circle all the way to the southern forest to approach instead of attacking from its eastern side.

You could argue that they are to the south because Euden and co were apparently going to be making moves on the capital and that they were acting in defense, but neither Chelle nor Leo are exactly jumping for loyalty/joy in defense of Morsayati.

Leonidas is also very impulsive in this battle.

He starts the chapter off stewing about his mother, her death, and then he and Chelle decide to make a stand in the forest, where he's immediately throwing out the big guns and otherwise much more intense about crushing his opposition.

Is it so foreign to consider he might be feeling even more testy than he is usually if he knows he's fighting in the area where the Queen died, fighting against his brother who has maybe pacted with the dragon that did it, however unintentionally?

It being Mids also would reduce the likelihood that enough people would've been willing to get angry and go after the dragon for vengeance - again, he's the Windwyrm. Deeply revered on top of all the normal worship dragons get. And not easily found on top of it.

Of course, then it adds in the extra little twist of Euden and Mids' relationship as first pactwyrm. To the immediate reflexive question of 'why wouldn't Euden know that'? though, I would suggest that maybe it was just another thing Aurelius kept in the dark from him. It's sufficient that he knows his mom died in a storm in a village doing good deeds, he doesn't need to know that Aurelius is sending him out to try to pact with the dragon that potentially did it. It's exactly the kind of truth that Aurelius seems most inclined to lie for, to try to save his children some grief and complicate their lives, just as he did surrounding Euden's... 'younger years'.

As a final offhand note, I might throw out Sophie's story.

We find out there that Euden's mom might be haunting him protectively. Ghosts are a real force in Dragalia, both malevolent and benevolent, and I do believe we see some correlation for 'their place of death' and 'weird necromancy stuff in general' between zombies and ghosts. In short: where people die, ghosts and zombies are more inclined to pop up.

Is it any wonder Ghost!Mom was able to 'find' Euden to start protecting Euden again, then, when he starts wandering around the very forest she died near/in? After all, why attach to him in particular instead of any other sibling or just Aurelius if she could roam free? It's because he was the first one to start wandering in the area - Notte and Zethia followed him after he tried to make them stay home!

I'll throw in the most crackish 'evidence' to this whole thing as a final note, too:

Maybe Mids picks up on Euden's mana weirdness here because he, as a dragon, is intimately familiar with what is roaming about his forest, as is shown, and at some point passively became aware of the Queen's spirit haunting the woods (dragons are very spiritual creatures in Dragalia and sensitive to mana/this kind of stuff), and is thus attuned enough to the specific feeling to go 'hey, wait a minute, that feels familiar but from where-...' when said ~vibration~ starts coming from Euden?

So... yeah. Hopefully my argument here is at least vaguely convincing to say that there is a good chance that Midgardsormr unintentionally killed Queen Mom!

[ipsey]

Oh so @osatokun asked about my Balor/vampire pairing. I’ll write it out so I don’t forget, and later after I’ve talked to the artist and gotten permission, I’ll share the art I have of them because they’re super cute.

So I made this ghoul, Tansy. She’s the most vanilla mortal I can make as a base, + Auspex and Potence at one. So she’s a little bit strong, and has heightened senses. She’s shy, she’s socially awkward, she’s addicted to her noise cancelling headphones and true crime podcasts. Her motivation is to find her sister, who has been missing for a few years, and her case is cold and she has no new leads. Her domitor, Gerhart, is this super old extra sexy handsome and charming guy, and he promised her he’d help her find her sister, but first he has to train her to be not shy and dress sexy and learn how to tango. This absolutely terrifies her but she’s a ghoul and has no choice. He’s also a Tremere so she is like… the absolute lowest peon in the vampire hierarchy, addicted to pleasing a man who’s only interested in shaping her to what he wants her to be.

And then his player gets booted from the game for being a sex pest. Oops!

The ST scripts his death so he dies trying to get knowledge from a Gangrel Elder swamp witch. Before he undergoes her trials, he makes her promise that if he dies, she will take Tansy as her ghoul. The session before he’s booted I make jokes about how Tansy will be way happier as the Swamp Witch’s ghoul. He fires back that she probably doesn’t have electricity or wifi and I let him know that he’s deeply underestimating the appeal of living as a bog witch.

So the ST asks me if I’m cool with being her ghoul and I say sure! I’m always up for a traumatic turn of events. The Tremere Alastor (vampire police) drags her out to the bog to find her domitor’s remains, and the forest witch tells them that Tansy belongs to her now, actually, and if they want the remains, they’re down at the bottom of the well. The Tremere makes her go down the well by herself and gather the remains and his belongings.

That’s when she meets her first fae.

She meets a wichtel (a German digger fae) and she promises to pay him in pomegranates if he lets her live and helps her escape the well. He agrees, and he shows her two doors. I’m aware of other people trying the two doors before - the wooden door is always locked, the metal door leads back to the city. Tansy tries the wooden door first, it’s still locked.

So she knocks.

It opens to a trod (not that she knows what a trod is), and she enters the dreaming for the first time. Alone, she follows the silver path into a dark and shadowy forest, where something is watching her. She tries making friends and small talk, but nobody talks to her. She follows the path to a lake, but before she goes, she writes a thank you not to the shadows, and then heads into the lake, emerging on the shore by the city bridge.

She returns all of her domitor’s things to the chantry, and they walk her out with her little cardboard box of belongings and she goes to live in the bog. She’s out there a night or two when she runs into another vampire. A huge vampire. A big, scary, intimidating punk named Nails. But he doesn’t know she’s a ghoul, and she doesn’t know he’s a vampire. But she’s in her master’s territory, so she’s safe to a degree. She warns him off, and tells him that she’s looking for her sister. He offers to help her, and she doesn’t trust him, but agrees to meet him later.

There are many adventures they go on. She figures out he’s a vampire when he rescues her from being kidnapped by a spider monster and takes her out to eat, but doesn’t eat anything. She tells him he can kiss her, but he refuses until he can show her his face - he’s a Nosferatu! But she sees him and kisses him anyway, because he’s her hero and the only man who’s ever really shown up for her.

They fall in love! She keeps going down into the well and meets dragons and chimera and monsters that try to eat her. She’s strangely not scared about this, even though she’s scared of everything else. He takes her to cover up a masquerade breech, and while she’s there, she discovers a way to open a little portal to the dreaming where she talks to a captive duchess. While she’s talking to her, she hears the voice of her sister. Tansy tries jumping into the portal but Nails stops her.

Eventually they find her sister, who is now a Boggan. Her sister recruits her to trying to free the Duchess, and Tansy gets more and more involved in the fae world and more and more fae things keeps happening to her.

Eventually she finds out she has the soul of a long lost Balor princess in her, and thus begins the struggle of learning more about Princess Tanwen and her past, and keeping her asleep so she doesn’t have to give up her beloved Nosferatu husband. Her fae parents find her - her mother heals her with blood magic and she gains the Balor flaw of scales on her skin. She rescues her father’s heart and convinces him to free the duchess.

She discovers an evil duke has been manipulating fate to keep her story in line with the way he wants it to go. She discovers he had her husband embraced on purpose because he has the fae soul of her one true love. She’s been frantically searching for a way to restore him and bring back the soul of her fae love while keeping her own fae soul asleep — and she’s getting very close to figuring out how.

[septimusmoonlight]

Anonymous: So let's talk dragons. The usual trope of accidentally walking onto territory is not what I'm aiming for. So, maybe it's a transforming dragon, can be somewhat human and full dragon. They have never been away from their cave and want to hang around people. So they do and they find you, they waste no time changing into full dragon form where you can't fight back. Grabbing you up with their foot and flying off to their cave. They throw you inside. If you think they’re going back to semi human then you’re wrong! They simply pin you to the ground and slide their scaley cock into your sopping cunt. They seem in awe of how you feel, much different then female dragons (not misgendering you! Talking about dragon pussy is all!) Your soft walls aren’t made for the cock that is scraping you a little with each stroke. Although it’s huge they still stay soft and sweet about it, caring for you and nuzzling you softly. But slowly his thrusts get faster as your moans grow louder. His cock pulses as you clench down on him because of orgasm, it’s obvious he’s close. And before you know it, you’re filled with eggs. You can feel each one getting their own little spot in your womb. He then gives you tons and tons of cum, definitely fertilizing the eggs. It’s up to you for how the pregnancy and birth pans out.

Ohhhhh, this sounds so nice…

A big dragon with a giant, scaly cock, shoving it into me - I’m so wet that it’s easy, but it hurts me just a little every time, adding extra stimulation that makes me moan and cry out louder…and all the while this dragon is still comforting me, praising and encouraging me. He finally shoves that beautiful, painful cock of his directly into my womb, and I feel his eggs pouring into me, quickly filling me up and rounding me out. The flood of hot, potent dragon cum a moment later sends a thrill through my chest as I realize that I have to bear his young now…no way he’s letting me go while I’m pregnant.

The eggs, a large clutch of them, slowly grow, uneven bumps in my belly showing through. I still manage to stagger around, with some difficulty - but, eventually, I get too heavy for moving to make any sense, and the dragon makes me a nest of my own, admonishing me whenever I try to move too much. When the day comes for me to lay the eggs, the size of volleyballs at this point, the dragon gently noses me onto my hands and knees just in time for the need to push to hit me.

I birth these enormous eggs, the process slow, painful as the round shapes stretch my hole wider than it ever should have stretched. I can just tell that my hole is never going back to normal after this - and I love it. I make up my mind to be this dragon’s incubator from now on, knowing that he’s perfectly shaped my womb to his cock and eggs, and knowing that he’ll be all too glad to breed me day in and day out. His gentle, encouraging praises all throughout the birth only solidify my decision, him letting me cling to his neck the entire time and gently pressing on my belly with a front leg. He’s sweet, his cock hurts in all the right ways, and these eggs ruin me so wonderfully - trying to leave would just be stupid.

It’s not like he would let me leave, anyway…as gentle as he is, he’s still a dragon, and dragons don’t like to lose any part of their hoard.

[sunhighriptide]

I don't want to be the main character in a fantasy epic. I don't even want to be the queer side character everyone loves. I want to be the fabled blacksmith that delivers the magic weapon to save the day; the witch in the cabin in the middle of the forbidding dark woods who gives the hero knowledge and trinkets to complete the quest; he mountain healer-hermit who gives the protgonists shelter and safe refuge on their journey; the court wizard who is bad at humor but really good at their job, so their jokes and unrelated laughter are tolerated. I want to be lore that gives the world a little extra sparkle. That makes people want to live there, that makes it come to life. Not the centerpiece, but some lovely ferns or a pebble on the side.

I don't want to actually go on the quest, I want a home base that has everything I could ever need and space to store all the equipment I am paranoid enough to think I might. With a decent territory range, of course. I want to have delightful conversations with the dragons or the horses and the fantastical creatures and people that come by. To be friends with the local wolf pack or the King's hounds. To have local ravens come screeching to me with gossip about the new adventurer spotted down the way. To be able to pull out just the thing, to be able to pull up the hero or adventurer in their hour of need.

I want to be the strange enigma who is a little unsettling, but overall seems very friendly and helpful, so people come to me anyway. Help save the day, then go to sleep curled up in all my blankets in my favorite spot.

I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Other niches to be filled includ; the King who calls for the quest, the wise mentor, the local badass, the character who is perpetually confused but seems to come out of everything relatively unscathed, the dead parents, the only character with a sense of humor, the love interest, that bully that acts like a jerk but helps the hero in the end, and the all-knowing tavern keeper. Let me know if I missed one.

Underrated and underused position in fantasy settings: The Banker.

[grmpgm]

Hmm. I see your point, but I figured I’d give just a little bit of extra clarification on my points and some examples from canon … (also changed my font color to make this a little easier to follow!)

I’m mainly basing this headcanon off of the early NSP skits that explore Danny Sexbang’s character outside of music videos. I consider this era to be NSP at its most “in-universe”, if that makes any sense. Pre-Avidan if u will lol

(After Dan joined Game Grumps, Danny Sexbang sort of experienced a “reverse flanderization”, in which he became less cartoonish and more of a stand-in for Dan Avidan as time went on. For instance- compare Danny in “Unicorn Wizard” and then Danny in “I Don’t Know What Were Talking About (And I Haven’t For Awhile)”. See what I mean?)

“Ninja ‘Scent’ Party”

“30 Second Seductions”

“The Sacred Chalice”

...

I can see the argument that Danny Sexbang is OCD / ADHD coded with “I Don’t Know What We’re Talking About (And I Haven’t For Awhile)”, but I think that’s because those songs are more true to Dan Avidan, not Danny Sexbang. Trying to figure out where Sexbang starts and Avidan ends is a whole other can of worms, though.

And a little bit of personal context- I’m neurodivergent, and have received diagnoses for both OCD and ADHD. I don’t think I’m autistic, but most of my friends seem to think so 😭 I am ABSOLUTELY not trying to use my identity as a bludgeon here, but I am deriving from my own lived experiences. There’s a lot of overlap between these conditions, and this is totally just my interpretation!

Also- autism is a spectrum! Autism presents differently in different people, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to have autism!

Terms like "low" and "high-functioning" are outdated, misleading, and don't accurately represent the diversity of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

To be honest, I just don’t really see Danny Sexbang having OCD! Him compulsively pursing relationships is a really interesting idea, though. I hadn’t thought of that! However, obsessions and compulsions (at least in my experience) are typically characterized by how they cause distress to the person experiencing them. Danny certainly distresses other people, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by his own behavior.

...

I could be wrong here, but I’m almost positive that “Dance Til You Stop”’s lyrics were written by Tom Cardy, and the music was written by NSP + TWRP. Not necessarily saying that it’s not “canon”, but I am almost 100% positive that Danny Sexbang, the frontman of Ninja Sex Party, would never say this. LOL

...

To be completely honest, I’m not 100% sure what’s … normal … in regards to eye contact myself, but in “I Just Want to Dance”, Danny’s intensity towards the camera and his occasional thousand-yard stares in no particular direction definitely feel… interesting. It is more frequent in NSP’s early stuff, though.

...

And, yeah, I’m not gonna lie, Danny Sexbang is pretty notoriously a huge liar. This breeches a little dangerously close to misinterpretation territory on my part.

I mentioned it briefly in my tags, but basically, I consider Danny Sexbang to be an unreliable narrator, but not necessarily an outright liar. His grasp on reality isn’t exactly firm (not necessarily an autism thing), but his inability to convincingly lie feels very autistic to me.

In “Dragon Slayer”, “No Reason Boner”, and (potentially?) “Attitude City”, Danny’s attempts at lying are so cartoonishly over-the-top and so obviously untrue that they would never, and could never be convincing. That’s what I meant when I said he has difficulty lying. It’s a little hard to put into words- I hope this makes sense! 😭

...

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a big fan of The Sacred Chalice lol.

At the end of “The Sacred Chalice Part 4”, we see that Danny is canonically considered “strange” for dressing the way he does- and while he could be doing it solely for female attention, I personally find it strange that Danny would choose to dress that way in the privacy of his own home (“Rhinoceratops vs Superpuma”)- and to dress in such a manner that most women find unappealing.

Like, if he WERE trying to successfully seduce women, why would he choose to do it like … that? 😭

It could just be a purely aesthetic choice … but it could also be a sensory thing!

...

As for emotional regulation and meltdowns- In “Welcome to My Parents’ House” and “I Don’t Know What We’re Talking About (And I Haven’t For Awhile)” Danny reacts with seemingly disproportionate amounts of anger to mild inconveniences.

(I just argued that “I Don’t Know What We’re Talking About (And I Haven’t For Awhile)” is more Avidan than Sexbang, but hey. It’s a Danny thing to do.)

Likewise, Danny cries when gifted a butt-plug in “Best Friends Forever”, he cries before, after, and during sex (“Why I Cry”), and is famously referenced to “cry and cry and cry and cry” (“Danny Don’t You Know”). All of these are situations in which Danny is portrayed as “abnormal” due to the intensity of his emotions- and his difficulty controlling them.

anddd i ran out of room. more coming soon!

pt 1 / pt 2

i literally just wrote an entire manifesto explaining how danny sexbang has autism and somehow it has been completely wiped from my phone. this is an ableist hate crime

update - check rbs for a quick summary! 👀

[doopdevil]

What about headcannons for Dr Connors, specifically Lizard Connors. (If your comfortable with that of course!) How do you think he'll act around his s/o (I don't think there's need to specify gender so just g/n) when he starts brumation.

lizard!curt connors x s/o hcs

MASTERLIST

warnings: cursing ; lizard attacking ppl

pairings: lizard!curt connors x gender neutral!reader

word count: 494

summary: dating a lizard-man comes with many pros and cons.

a/n: hi anon, thank you for the request! this one goes out to the bearded dragon i had as a kid that pooped on me. honestly my favorite part of making this was getting the research because my search bar was blessed with the quote, "how to know if lizards like you" also, requests are open! i'm also accepting prompts w/ any character i write for on this post!

although curt has retained a good chunk of his human personality (continuing to be incredibly docile and gentle), as a lizard he's more aggressive. if he's upset or mad, he's much more upfront about it. in his moods, he's far louder and agitated than you're used to. occasionally he may need some time alone to let his anger out, but once he's ready this man will beg you for cuddles. gentle affection and reassurances from his s/o always make him feel better.

also speaking of curt being pissed, he will literally hiss. like if anyone annoys him he just lets out this steamy hiss and it's definitely enough to make them stop.

it's because of this that he tries his best to be as careful as possible with you. when he first got his powers, he had a habit of underestimating his strength (accidentally destroying a piece of furniture or two.) although sometimes he'll be too careful, at a point where you'll have to reassure him that the lightest touch probably won't hurt you.

as a lizard, he's much warier. he's incredibly cautious wherever he goes, and if he's with you he'll be very protective. if someone bothers you or tries to hurt you, they're fucked. immediate hospital visit. when the doctor asks they'll have to explain a lizard attacked them for flirting with his s/o 😭 curt is far more territorial as the lizard, and doesn't appreciate people messing with what's his.

during brumation though? he is absolutely exhausted. when winter comes by, he'll be spending most of his time sleeping in a make-shift den in your apartment. he truly appreciates his s/o's support during the wintertime, sending them thankful glances whenever they bring him food, water, and extra blankets. when he is awake it's only for a short while, and you make sure to savor it. the two of you will often cuddle for warmth while he eventually dozes off. just don't let him fall asleep on top of you. unless you're incredibly strong, you'll be stuck there for a while.

yes, you can pet him. just as long as you're gentle, anything too rough will make him annoyed. he adores the feeling of your hand gently stroking his scaled face, gleefully leaning into your touches with closed eyes.

being the lizard has given curt a new sense of confidence, feeling invigorated and powerful in his new form. he tends to be more daring and flirtatious with you, enjoying making you blush.

sometimes instead of kissing his s/o he'll lick their cheek and they'll be a bit soggy, but thankful nonetheless!

also lizards love him so much now and the herpetologist is now an adoptive father. he'll literally come home with like 10 tiny lizards following him and go, "oh I didn't see you there! okay I guess you'll stay with me now!"

overall things can be different when he's in his lizard form, but his s/o doesn't love him any less

[blzzrdstryr]

Generous offering

Yandere!Zhongli x gn!Fatui Harbinger!reader

Wordcount:1843

CW:Yandere themes

There are several simple things one should know before dealing with the archons - be respectful and polite, speak only when you’re allowed to and most importantly - never forget that archons aren’t humans.

The first two rules are instinctive - it’s natural for humans to simper and bow before the forces far greater than them, while the latter is not; on the contrary it’s counterintuitive and unexpected. People tend to project, tend to humanize - they see kindness when there’s none and make a huge mistake of assuming that archons see things the way they see it.

Tsaritsa, for example, lacks humanity, despite holding the title of Goddess of Love. The love that she holds for you is different from love mothers and fathers give to their children, or love that young sweethearts share at night, it’s cold and impersonal and undeniably cruel.

Tsaritsa says that she loves all of you and she loves Snezhnaya, yet she lashes out a harsh and gruelling punishments at every perceived failure and rules her land with an iron fist, one would think that the cryo archon is a liar and a hypocrite, who uses pretty, flowery words to hide the atrocities she commits, but this perspective is flawed. Tsaritsa loves all of you and she loves Snezhnaya, she’s just not human enough to properly express this.

That’s why it’s a bit jarring to see the ancient lord of these lands in his mortal form - he lacks the same otherworldly terror and grandiose that every of Tsaritsa’s move and word carry, yet he also possesses the air of wisdom and elegance so refined that rare person can reach it. It’s easy to assume that he’s human.

Rex Lapis, or “Zhongli” as he calls himself now invites you to the Liuli pavillion the second day after your arrival, for tea and local cuisine as he says, and who are you to decline a God?

Liuli staff hurries and dashes around, preparing their best room for you - Fatui are known for their seemingly endless finances, no wonder they’re in haste. “Please make yourself comfortable, dear guests”, the waiter curtsies and leads you to the dining room, which happens to be richly furnished and decorated with high-quality darkwood furniture and the hand painted wall panels further accentuating the luxury of the restaurant.

One of these panels illustrate different scenes from the Liyuen mythos - a battle of mighty and wise adepti against the horde of demons, Rex Lapis aiding his people in building the Harbour and the most spectacular one - a majestic dark brown dragon with golden fur and feathers descending to the devoted worshippers, who in turn present him with their offerings and gratitude.

He orders tea and meals for both of you, as you start to converse about the plan that he is determined to bring into life - the so-called test of Liyue, and the guarantee of you obtaining his gnosis.

“And what about your colleague?”, he sips a bit of his tea, intense amber eyes piercing right through you. He looks both human and non-human in this moment, both undeniably mortal softness and frailty seen in his figure and the barely concealed divinity, the sense of awe slowly seeping into air mixing in one person.

“And what about him? Tsaritsa and you have negotiated everything beforehand, I will make sure that he plays his part properly”, he hums at your answer, lowering his gaze deep in thought. You start on your own tea.

Ah, Childe, if only he knew why exactly he’s here - a distraction and a scapegoat. You even feel bad for him - it’s truly unfair to be lied to by your own Goddess. However, it’s also not a big surprise - Childe is the loudest out of all Harbingers in all senses. Infamous for his skills and battle obsession, his name is enough to have people both shivering in fear and cursing him.

“What do you think of your archon? Was serving her of any use to you?”Rex Lapis unexpectedly asks.

You lean back in your seat, thinking what to say.

“Tsaritsa is a gentle soul, she declared war only to protect us, her subjects and I am ready to aid her in whatever undertaking she starts”.

“Will you continue to serve Tsaritsa, if her action might put you in danger, make you suffer and bring unnecessary grief?”, he leans closer to you, his human features distorting enough to reveal the ancient dragon sleeping inside. His eyes shine a cold golden glow and accurate fingernails morph into sharp, dark claws.

“Yes”, you breathe out, mesmerized and terrified by the sudden change: “Her love knows no bounds, yet she always puts the needs of the nation before anyone else. If my suffering can help Snezhnaya, then I will accept it with open arms”, he moves back at your answer, all draconic traces gone in an instance, upper corner of his lips subtly rising - whatever you said must’ve pleased him immensely.

The conversation flows back into the territory of plans to be realized, yet the cold sensation of dread still clings to you, your gut feeling yelling at you to get up and run. You remain seated to the end of your meeting, politely conversing with the God that terrifies you.

***

Days slowly grow into weeks and Childe acts just as you have expected - the Eleventh Harbinger might be smart, yet even he wouldn’t be able to see what two of you are scheming. Still, you request Ekaterine, a spy you planted in Northland bank, to keep you updated on the Tartaglia’s actions - extra caution never hurts.

You continue to meet up with geo archon, as you two discuss your next actions. Tartaglia has started cooperating with that blonde foreigner Signora has warned you about, and while this union doesn’t pose any threat to your plans, it’s always good to have a plan B, just in case something happens.

Sometimes your conversation develops into a more unexpected direction, as you find the archaic lord more chatty and tending to ramble, than any of Liyuen historians would dare to picture him as. One on such occasion he talks with you about dragons - benevolent deities who protect and bless their people in an exchange of generous offerings.

His eyes devour you, as he retells you ancient folktales and you suppress your discomfort, preferring to attribute his honestly unnerving behaviour down to his lack of humanity - he was never human in the first place.

That’s why you also prohibit yourself from viewing him as anything but God - Rex Lapis in his “Zhongli” persona is genuinely attractive, he’s well-mannered and obviously handsome and far more knowledgeable than any mortal should be. If you didn’t know of his true nature you would have fallen for him by now - it’s hard not to.

Life, how strange that wouldn’t sound, goes as usual - you get Ekaterine’s report on what Childe’s up to and if it’s something unexpected you book a Liuli pavilion room and send an invitation to the funeral parlour consultant. You only need to wait until Childe gets desperate enough and decides to use the sigils of permission to unleash the well-awaited chaos.

This routine however is soon broken by the appearance of familiar ashy-white hair in the distance. She doesn’t wear her signature mask or dress, nor are there agents at both of her sides, yet you can still clearly recognize her. Signora leaves the Wangsheng building in haste, cape with the hood concealing most of her face and figure, except the long locks of hair, peeking from inside.

What is she doing here?

You thought that Tsaritsa sent two of her servants - Tartaglia and you, him to “test” Liyue, you to oversee the former’s actions and obtain gnosis, there’s no need to send her too.

Your mind races, as you search for a logical explanation of Signora’s presence as your memory supplies the piece of first conversation you had with “Zhongli” - could it be that Tsaritsa also sent you to play a role you have no idea of?

Cryo archon is a goddess of love and her love is cruel and unforgiving, she has sacrificed countless chess pieces before, so it wouldn’t be surprising if she did that again - you are nothing but a pawn after all, one of the tools she uses to exact her will and force her vision, all of the Harbingers are.

You want to believe that you can accept and resign to whatever hardship and fate your Goddess might subject you to. You can’t.

***

Adepti and Qixing converse at the pier of the seaport, as you hurry to the Northland Bank, a slight smile playing on your lips - Childe has finally done it - he summoned an ancient god to lure out Rex Lapis, ultimately proving that Liyue can stand without him.

There are sounds of heated argument heard when you open the building’s door and then you see it - Signora and Tartaglia exchanging barely concealed insults and “Zhongli” standing nearby.

“[Harbinger]? What are you doing here?”, the ginger shifts his gaze onto you, a rare emotion of hurt and disbelief flickering in his dead fish eyes. “Of course, Tsaritsa sent you too”, he smiles, angry and disappointed. “Seems that whole world wants to make a bad guy out of me”, he stomps out of the room, leaving you with Signora and “Zhongli”

“[Harbinger]”

“Signora'', you acknowledge each other, after she trails exiting Childe with her eyes.

“I am here to take the gnosis of Rex Lapis”, she says and you nod, accepting that your Goddess lied to you too: “Tsaritsa also asked me to give you this letter”, she extends her arm, a thick envelope with the familiar seal catching your attention.

With the trembling hands you snatch it out of her hold and almost rip the envelope - for what reason did Tsaritsa send you here?

She writes that you need to stay in Liyue for an undetermined period of time to upkeep “the agreement” made between her and Rex Lapis. You read her message silently, yet when your eyes trace over these words, the sensation of “ “Zhongli’s” eyes on you becomes ten times sharper and stifling. You don’t know what to do.

The other Harbinger leaves too, taking the gnosis with her, as “Zhongli” takes a couple of steps to you, touching your shoulder in a somewhat reassuring gesture. “[First]”, he starts, tone sympathetic and soothing. You don’t fall for it.

“You had your hand in it, didn't you?”, you hiss and accuse, throwing an angry glance at him, momentarily forgetting about the first two rules of dealing with archons.

He smiles, revealing two sharp fangs, his surprisingly scaly hands snaking around yours. “Yes”, Rex Lapis admits, and looks nothing like gentle and knowledgeable “Zhongli”. How could you forget? Archons aren’t humans, humanity is just a fancy dress they don to toy with mortals. He is the dragon, not the benevolent deity that is painted on the wall panels of Liuli pavillion, but a greedy and ancient creature, hungry for gifts and gratitude.

You are his generous offering.

[gr4veyardz]

Cookie Run headcanons except i’m obsessed with the ancients, i’m insane and i make weird family trees

Plus some extras under the cut

- I like the idea of Moonlight being Lily and Clover’s other mom, y’all know, two lesbian gods, their god-like child and their funky music son.

- Adding to this, Clover often talks about his family in his songs, hoping to meet one of them one day. Poor boy he misses his mom and sister:(

- Before her dissapearance, Golden Cheese had the opportunity to meet Mango; he was very young at the time so he would follow them everywhere she go, and Ananas gave her the nickname mom duck.

- White Lily knew she wasn’t the role model her brother needed, so after what happened with her mother she left Clover in an orphanage/convent, promising that she would send him letters every day. She kept up her promise for a few years until she became an ancient hero.

- If we consider that maybe the Dark Flour War happened centuries ago, Clover would be inmortal in a "i'm pretty much a normal guy with the exception i can't die of age or sickness" kinda way. So yeah he would be like- super old but he still has a young adult's body

- Mango sometimes asks Ananas about what happened to Golden Cheese, and even though they tell him that she is fine, he knows that not even his father knows what happened to them.

- Ananas hid Cheese for a long time after she was born, feathered dragons were viewed with distaste among their race, so they took her with the cheesebirds to make them their leader.

- Pitaya allows Lotus to stay in Holly’s kingdom even with their territorial behaviour, they know Lotus mourned their daughter’s “death” during a long time and now that she’s back they both deserve to work on their issues.

-  Lotus and Hollyberry dynamic is some “i left her alone in the woods all by herself when she was a child to test her sense of direction and i’m not ashamed to admit it” and “the only one allowed to piss off my mom is ME” kinda thing. A big love/hate relationship.

- Ah yes, the good ol' mommy issues strike again.

- Hollyberry has a great singing voice, Lotus cherish that aspect of her in secret.

- Frost Queen raised Cacao after he was left in the woods to die as a baby after being "the victim of a curse" (his parents were just idiots), and she took him in as her son. I see her making some kind of ritual to bond Cacao with her, y'know, adoption with extra steps.

- Linked to this we can see my other hc where Cacao was like a Frozen Child that died and reborned in a "normal" body because he was fated to be an ancient hero and shit like that.

- And in general i just like the concept of grim reaper deity and her inmortal child with severe trauma he bottles up, him becoming a legend in a harsh and traumatic way and leaving this deity without the only living being her deadly touch can't affect. (Add some mourning and maybe an emotional/mental breakdown after a reunion and you get a completely healthy mother with her son)

- If we expand this to Choco, he would have been shocked at the fact the goddess his kind use to pray to is his grandmother, his father is just a frozen forest spirit that reached godhood after endless trials and trauma and he himself is a demigod with a tragic fate, yeah what a family he has.

"do you remember Frost Queen?"

"she's my mom"

"yeah, why?"

"... so you're telling me that there's a goddess of death out there..."

"yup"

"we pray to and worship often, and we are related to her"

"exactly"

"and that makes us... GODS?!"

"only me, but my body is technically just a vessel to protect my soul, which is inside the souljam at the same time ironically, and my trials made me reach a god-like status, meanwhile you're like a demigod"

"sweet gods" (and Choco forgot that conversation for his own sanity)

- The reason Millenial Tree and Pure Vanilla have such a conflicted relationship is because Millenial practically left his son to be raised by other people while he focused in his godly duties, so Wind Archer took care of Vanilla instead.

- After years of constant neglect by his father, Vanilla ran away and became a shepherd at a very young age, not that he was alone, Archer kept an eye on him for as long as he could until he entered the academy, that was where Vanilla was separated from his protector for many years until he became an ancient hero.

- It was not that Millenial had not loved his son, he loved him too much in fact, but to protect him from the evils he had to face, he pushed him away and left him in the forest, where the god believed he would be safe, but Vanilla ran away from him instead.

- After the Dark Flour War Millenial searched for any clue that could lead him back to his son, It would take decades for him to hear from Vanilla, now Healer Cookie, again.

- If i had to choose a dynamic for them, it would be "a broken family trying to fix itself, only to fall apart every time". Sad.

- But not everything is bad my kids, they eventually meet again and Millenial has a second chance to be the father his son needed, Vanilla is not thrilled by this at all.

[chibinekochan]

The dragon prince - Ft Diavolo part 4

part : 1  I 2 I 3

Obey me! Monster tales masterlist

-------------------------------------

I wake up nuzzled against Diavolos' shoulder. 

My body jerks away. My comrats would ridicule me. 

I stand up, remembering the hot springs that Diavolo mentioned. 

A bath sounds good, after climbing the mountains and the drinking session I need it. 

Diavolo told me in great detail about it, so I find it very easy. 

The only way I can mark it as occupied is with a towel. 

I take note of taking my sword with me, just in case. 

The bath takes away all my tension. It feels great being clean again. 

So many strange things happened to me yesterday. My life has been turned upside down. Yet I can't help but feel excited. 

It's a strange feeling. 

I wonder what kind of solution Diavolo will come up with. 

If dragons and humans are truly able to work together then, this is the test for it. 

After I put my armor back on I find Diavolo in the kitchen, he is preparing food. 

"Good morning. I hope you are up for some eggs this morning." He smiles brightly. 

I almost feel like I'm in a strange Inn. 

"Sounds great." I give him a polite smile and sit down. It's almost like he didn't reveal that he is a dragon last night. 

"How have you slept?" He asks as he puts plates with omelets on the table. 

"Pretty good considering everything." I fill my cup with some water and look at the delicious smelling meal. 

"I should have carried it to bed, but it didn't feel appropriate to me." Diavolo looks a bit troubled. 

"I appreciate that." I think it was the best decision to make. 

"Let's eat. I got these extra for us." Diavolo smiles proudly. 

"That is very nice of you. You are a great host." I start digging into the omelets, it tastes just as good as it smells. 

"Thank you, coming from you this means a lot." Diavolo is rightfully proud. 

"Where did you learn to cook?" I doubt that dragons usually do that. 

"I learned it from a very nice human. He took me in when I just started learning about humans. A curious fellow, but he taught me a lot." Diavolo smiles at the memory. 

"Sounds like a great guy." I smile at him and finish my portion. 

"I wonder what I should bring to our journey." After eating Diavolo ponders over this. 

"Some provisions, a first aid kit and camping equipment are a good start." I have listed a few necessary items. 

"I can just share a tent with you right?" Diavolo asks innocently. 

"No." I simply refuse him. "I'll help you pack." I sigh, feeling like this won't end well otherwise. 

So I pack a backpack for him and we are ready to head out. 

"Do you know where that fire dragon lives? I followed the route it took, but all the dragon marks just led me to you." I still have no idea how that happened. 

"It's probably the one that has its territory right next to the mountain. It likely used the mountains to hide its true goal." Diavolo seems to know the dragon; this will be helpful. 

"Okay, in that case we should head down again." It shouldn't be too hard to go back down the path I came from. 

"There are a lot of vicious plants on the side you came from. Let's go through the forest on the other side." Diavolo makes a great point. 

"Makes sense. Let's do that." I have no objections, fighting plants can be a bigger issue than the dragon itself.

Diavolo seems very happy about this. It's a bit strange, but I ignore it for now. 

"Sweet, we are going to use the big entrance. I usually use it to fly out, but I suppose that's out of the question while I'm hiding my true identity." Diavolo is somewhere between happy and sad. 

"I guess you are disappointed that you can't show off?" I can only guess. 

"Well, I thought it would be cool if you would ride on my back and I'd impress you with my flying skills." Diavolo smiles, sure of himself. 

"Maybe another time, for now it's best we don't draw unnecessary attention." I wonder how it is to ride a dragon, but that has to wait. 

Diavolo nods a bit sullen. 

With that he shows me to a path down the other side of the mountain. 

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

Storyline Study: Order Mentor

When you joined your Order at level thirty and met your mentor at level forty, each of the three was instantly revealed to be a different person altogether from the other two.

Tybalt Leftpaw, Lightbringer of the Order of Whispers, was on his first-ever field mission. He was very blatantly calling for you in a sort of undercover way, and simultaneously panicking when you tried to mention the full name of the Order. Your supposed mentor was as new to this as you, had a (sometimes very human-teenager) sense of humor, and had a rather sad backstory balanced by his good nature. You knew he liked apples.

Sieran, Magister of the Durmand Priory, was full of reckless abandon, disregard for authority, boundless curiosity and a heart for the little things. She was confident in her role and her ability, and unhesitatingly took you into dangerous places for the sake of exploration and adventure while brushing off rebuke like a tree sheds sap - even when it was heartily deserved. You learned to be rather frightened for her.

Forgal Kernsson, Warmaster of the Vigil, was an archetypal gruff, stern old mentor whose every drop of praise spoke volumes. But he also carried a sort of wildness to him, that rough edge from growing up a hunter in the Shiverpeaks, coupled with every willingness to say it like it was if it was true. He could be surprised, he could observe calmly when something was new, he could snark like the rest of them and even say things he didn't mean from time to time.

They all fought the dragons - they each more or less took it seriously. But Tybalt was a partner and friend, you were keeping Sieran in check, not the other way around, and Forgal trained you mercilessly.

You all grew together - they had each changed for the better by the time they died. Tybalt had learned that he was worth something, Sieran had learned friendship was worth everything, and Forgal had learned... well. He'd found a student to be proud of, a partner to fight with, a friend to trust... a child to carry on his legacy. But I'm not sure, exactly, what Forgal learned - what the point of his story was.

Sieran was more-or-less well suited to her role in the story; she symbolized innocence and cheer and optimism and the beauty of the world - so you could recognize what was being lost by the dragon's onslaught. Tybalt's story was one extremely well-suited to his character; he taught you that working together was vital to survival, even when neither of you knew exactly what you were doing - a valuable lesson as the story progressed. Both of their stories fit well enough into the three-mission story sequence concluding in their death.

But Forgal was different. He was the mentor who dies partway through. He was the one who trained you and taught you all he could, who died imparting one last gem of wisdom. Or, he should have.

I am not attacking Forgal. I am attacking ArenaNet. We had too little time with Forgal for the story Anet was trying to tell with him. He was like Obi-Wan but without showing up again as a ghost, without the prequels, without being able to send Luke to Yoda - without, most significantly, being able to explain why he'd said Luke's father was dead.

We don't know Forgal. We don't understand him. We only know his family died to Icebrood... but why is he with the Vigil, specifically? Why is he a good friend of Almorra's - allowed to butt in and insult a diplomatic ambassador with barely a reprimand? Forgal is the character that tells me the Vigil has been around decades, not a mere five years. Was he in another military? Forgal was over a hundred years old. You don't join a military at that age and, five years later, are a highly self-disciplined warrior such as he was. Maybe he was Lionguard? Hear this: Forgal is actually older than Lion's Arch. If he'd survived, he would have been old enough to bear witness to all three incarnations of that city. But, apart from being able to recognize the Orrian Scout on sight, this is only a trivial piece of lore.

After he judged us worthy, we should have had long training sessions with him - sparring matches wherein he would easily fend off our blows while simultaneously teaching us about the world, all the wisdom he'd gathered, expounding just a bit on the history of the Elder Dragons (perhaps customized for player's race!) - and then we go off and have a real Vigil mission. Perhaps remove the racial sympathy 'choice' and have all five! A sparring match before each one, with a different lesson (the racial sympathy missions were awfully short anyway). And if you want to keep the idea implied by the term 'racial sympathy,' you could change the tone of some of them, make the player more reluctant and Forgal more impatient, have a middle-of-mission lecture on why it's important to work with everyone - this way you joining an Order feels less 'oh you've always been sympathetic to other races' and more 'wait who are these people.' But you know the real kicker? These training sessions would have made us actually feel like we were a treasured part of his life, the kid he never had, that he takes the effort to train us and takes the time to correct us when we're wrong, that he shares his history with us.

And then, at Claw Island, he would place a hand on our shoulder and tell us - hey - don't worry. You did good. You tell my tale and you take my lessons and put them to good use, you hear me? Listen to Trahearne over there - I've told you a bit about him - he's a good kid, he's smart and he knows what he's doing. And - partner? Partner, I need you to put me down if that blasted dragon raises me.

And we're in tears and Trahearne standing there also puts up a fight and tells him not to go, but Forgal goes anyway, roaring his defiance at the dragon - and his famous line, "you may win the battle, dragon, but you will never defeat our spirit!" And maybe he adds - "you may defeat me, but I will be avenged!" like some cartoon villain only you know - you know that means you.

That is the storyline Forgal deserved. (I selfishly also fixed it just a bit with regards to Trahearne, but...) I don't care if we add an extra ten or twenty levels to the game to account for the four extra racial sympathy story chapters.

And see, now you'll argue that that's biased in favor of Forgal, to do all that with him but not the other two - and that's part of the idea.

Forgal isn't like the other two. He shouldn't be compared to the other two. The storyline we have is good for the other two. Extending their stories would feel... false. Yes, there are supposed to be parallels between the three Orders, but... in that case, ArenaNet should have done something entirely different with Forgal.

How about this: Almorra assigns us to someone else for a mentor, but we show such epic promise she switches us to Laranthir. His storyline? It's right in his idle dialogue at the Vigil Keep - he's always sought love. This puts his storyline on par with Sieran and Tybalt. What about Forgal? He's a Lionguard that all three Order mentors know well. We do racial sympathy with Forgal plus our Order mentor (doing those with only one ally is kind of absurd anyway). This can help set-up and foreshadow the tactical significance of Claw Island, too - and hey, maybe Forgal can even survive that! Or maybe he doesn't survive it but our Order mentor does! (Yeah, that fits better, since Laranthir is important in HoT.) And then, once the Pact is formed, their stories end more naturally without regard for the Order parallels, which would keep the story unique - where your choice of Order still matters even when it doesn't anymore. Tybalt didn't have to die - in fact, it's kind of absurd that he did since his story was about finding his own heroism, and then he dies. He can die later, perhaps, after he's thoroughly proved himself. (And hey, throw in an encounter with his old warband! Bonus lore points!) And Sieran 0 maybe Sieran could go through a heartbreaking transformation in Orr, the land of the dead - you see something far more heartbreaking than her death as she loses her spirit, and you and Trahearne both resolve that even if you're super-busy with the Pact, you can still cleanse Orr together to save Sieran. (This makes cleansing Orr a personal thing for you as well as Trahearne!) And Laranthir - well, I don't know what he was doing originally. Maybe he stayed back at the Vigil Keep to manage things, but you still see him now and then and he gives good advice and (since his storyline was about falling in love or something) you get to tease him about whatever's going on in his life, and then later he shows up again in HoT.

I'm going to stop - I already just presented a rough outline of a whole rewrite of core PS, I'm not going to step into HoT territory. (But since his storyline was about falling in love - ? Anything could happen really. Maybe his love died in the crash (we don't actually know of any characters who died in the actual crash. Awful shame) and that's why he takes the lead against Mordremoth. That would give him a cool motive.)

Anet I want this now.

I only wanted to say how unfair Forgal's story was to him, and then I came up with this whole thing - ? Some of it included a few helpful fixes for the Trahearne hate - this isn't something I can write out into a whole fic since I have a main fic and while this is a significant AU it's not quite enough for a whole fic but also far too much for just a headcanon - maybe I'll invent a new Commander.

[secret-engima]

So I started RWBY (thanks for that, it’s all from you), and I gotta say I love Yang. So are there any Dragon!Yang rambles you have? What about lunweiss too?

It’s been a while since I enjoyed a show like this, it’s nice

Hi!!! Welcome aboard!! And not to taint your opinions but just- idk I feel obligated to warn you that while I 100% recommend V1-V5, V6 is emotionally hard (and has plot points I am Not Happy With) and V7 is just ... a train wreck. A wonderfully animated, woefully badly written train wreck. And I’ve yet to watch v8 so I have no idea what’s going on THERE beyond Oscar being a Suffering Sunshine Boi.

But yes! Headcanons!!!! Also apologies for any spoilers I mention for the show in these? I don’t know where you are in the show and I’ve already talked a lot of spoilers I’m sure XD.

Dragon Yang:

-Yang is excited to go to Beacon actually. Nervous and dreading it, but excited. She’s learned over the two years since returning to Remnant how to manage her strength and limit her lethality, how to hide the worst of her ... odd behaviors. She wants to make new friends, and she’s hoping to see Velvet there (Yang transfers to Velvet’s combat school in this AU and makes friends with her by accident). But she’s also dreading the “living in dorms with strangers” thing.

-Then she learns Ruby is getting to join early and she oscillates between HECK YES SIBLING TEAM HERE WE COME to MY BABY SISTER IS NOT READY FOR THIS. PROTECC. Of course, she’s been training Ruby these last two years too, because she’s afraid of her own strength but she’s more afraid of Ruby being unprepared for the dangers of the world. Ruby will never be a STELLAR hand to hand but she can fight mean and run away and her parkour skills have reached ninja levels even without her Semblance.

-Now she just has to get on the same team as her sister.

-She’s honestly ... highly amused by the initiation exam? Like- yeah sure fling the DRAGON SLAYER off a CLIFF and expect her to be alarmed. Psh.

-She means to track down Ruby and is will on her way to doing so when she runs into Blake first. That’s ... a little annoying. She doesn’t even know this girl’s name (Yang never dragged Ruby off to make friends during the pre-initiation sleepover thing in this AU) but it’s not Blake’s fault so.

-Also, on the note of Blake lemme just sidetrack to point out something interesting in Yang’s mentality. She can tell the moment she smells Blake that Blake is a Faunus.

-She still doesn’t think of her as a Faunus. Because- to Yang, she genuinely doesn’t .... really understand the difference between Faunus and human? To her everyone is human, some of them just have extra bits and more useful senses. And this is a TOTALLY UNCONSCIOUS MENTALITY from back when she was living on Earthland. Because in Earthland, people can look really, really weird (especially in the magic community) and yet they are all still called “humans” and are still treated perfectly normal. Like this girl from canon Fairy Tail show-

That tail and those ears are 100% real, they move and react like actual limbs in the anime, but they weren’t always THERE. When that character was teeny, she looked like a “normal” human, but her magic is feline oriented and so over the years those traits GREW on her. And literally NO ONE BATS AN EYE IN THE SHOW. Not even the people who knew her when she was tiny non-cat human child. She’s far from the only example, but she’s the easiest to think of especially in regards to the Faunus thing.

-So yeah, Yang smells feline traits on Blake and just- doesn’t even react. Doesn’t mention it to anyone because her brain skips right over “cat ears = Faunus” in this world and goes straight to “ah yes, my new 100% nonmagical human teammates. My Sister, Ice Child, and Girl With Decent Hearing Thank Goodness”.

-So while Blake thinks she’s keeping her Faunus traits a secret from her whole team, her partner Yang is just vibing off to the side, perfectly aware that Blake has cat ears but still thinking of her and every other Faunus as regular ol’ humans.

-Yang doesn’t abandon Ruby at the entrance to Beacon either, so Weiss made a ... bad impression on Yang very quickly for yelling at Ruby’s sister for an accident. Yang shut that whole thing down pretty fast, but Ruby was still feeling humiliated and nervous and Weiss was prickly and embarrassed by Yang’s blunt opinions.

-Yeah it’s a good thing they can bond via Nevermore killing because otherwise this team would be way more dysfunctional than it is in the first few days.

-Yang has mixed opinions on Team JNPR. It is painfully clear Jaune has no idea what he’s doing, but frankly she has her hands full with her own team atm and no time to try to gently bully this boy into proper training. She makes a note to do it later. Pyrrha smells lonely and she’s a sweetheart. Nora is wayyyy to prone to getting into Yang’s (and everyone’s) personal space. Ren is nice. He has manners and he smells of tea.

-There’s a scene early on where this guy called Cardin bullies Velvet for her ears by grabbing them and pulling them and I’ve never like how none of the main characters or anyone else try to hELP.

-Ergo, when that scene happens, Yang promptly gets up, twists Cardin’s wrist so that he lets Velvet’s ear go, then picks him up by the back of his shirt and flings him right through the farthest cafeteria window she can aim at from this angle. When his team of fellow bullies take it poorly, she proceeds to throw them through other windows.

-Her only defense when taken to the Headmaster’s office to face down Glynda and a very bemused Ozpin is that 1. at least she didn’t break their jaws or bones like she did the first time she caught someone bullying Velvet, 2. Professor Goodwitch can fix the windows with telekinesis to it’s not like the school was actually damaged and 3. if the Headmaster can fling people off cliffs for initiations, she can fling people through windows for being moronic bullies that needed spanking when they were five and spoiled but never got it.

-Goodwitch is not amused. Ozpin, on the other hand, is highly amused by trying not to show it. Yang can smell it and sense it in his magic tho.

-Yang, later in the dorms, more to herself then anyone, “So Velvet was born with one more pair of ears than most humans have, that’s no reason to be a jerk. I mean come on, he was born with a dumb face but I left him alone until he made the first move.”

-Blake: *vague staticky brain noises of confusion* “She’s ... a Faunus.”

-Yang: Gesundheit.

-Yang meeting Ironwood is gonna be-

-Fun.

-Because she first meets him in v2/v3 when he shows up for the Vytal Festival and brings an army with him and it makes Yang’s instincts SCREECH. This is OZPIN’S territory and this random general man is stomping all over it, bringing his army with him like some kind of power statement and she is immediately ready to Throw Hands with this man on Ozpin’s behalf just out of PRINCIPLE. So when she goes up to visit him at one point and finds Ironwood already there, she ignores the conversation she interrupted by arriving, points at Ironwood and goes, “Is this guy bothering you, Headmaster? Should I through him out the window? Or down the elevator shaft?”

-Ironwood is stunned that a student just- SAYS THAT. Ozpin, who has already gotten to know Yang enough to know that her social default setting is “subtle as a brick that’s been dunked in gasoline and set on fire”, sighs, “I’m fine, Yang. This is General Ironwood from Atlas.”

-Yang clicks her tongue and cracks her knuckles, “I know who he is, he’s the guy who showed up and cluttered up your skies with those rattling junk heaps he calls an army. It’s why I asked if you wanted me to throw him.”

-Ironwood, truly aghast, “Excuse me?”

-(ngl I DO like Ironwood and feel like they did his character dirty in v7 and likely v8 but, especially in v2/v3 he does have a bit of a arrogance problem)

Lunweiss:

-Weiss probably confuses so many people at Beacon. She is a Schnee, so while people are expecting some measure of dignity they are also expecting snobbery or brattiness and instead she’s just- the sweetest, mildest person under her reserve?

-Jaune still has a huge crush on her, she firmly but gently informs him that she’s just not interested. When he is slow to take the hint she gets upset, but that just means she withdraws in on herself.

-Yang, activating her Big Sister instincts: Yo, Jaune. I like you, you’re a good friend. But if you don’t drop it then I’m going to drop kick you off the top of Beacon Tower.

-Jaune: o.o yes ma’am.

-Lunweiss has had ... something of a deprived childhood in both lives. I don’t mean physically, because of course as Oracle and then as Heiress she had the best clothes and finest foods, but just- in the ordinary Teenage Life Experience. Things like video games and board games, carnival food, shopping with friends- she doesn’t have any real experiences like that? So obviously, as soon as Team RWBY realizes this (aka the day they’re lounging around the dorm and Luna asks what “these” are, “these” being Yang’s and Ruby’s collection of video games), they set out to do All The Fun Things with Weiss. Even Blake gets in on it when she comes to the somewhat stunning realization that the life experience even she, the Faunus activist, took for granted, is stuff Weiss has only ever heard of distantly in books and film.

-Weiss, bemusedly attempting to play a video game while Yang and Ruby lean on either shoulder and coach her on the buttons: ...What is the purpose of this?

-Ruby: *initiates lore dump about the video game plot and characters and emotional story beats*

-Yang, yanking Ruby’s hood over her head so she sputters to a stop: To unwind and have fun with friends.

-Weiss: I thought that was what ‘sleepover night’ was for?

-Ruby: People can do more than one ‘fun’ activity, Weiss.

At one point Blake reluctantly takes Weiss book shopping because Ruby, as Team Leader, has organized an entire schedule of “who does what fun thing with Weiss” and this was hers: So this is my favorite book store, the fiction genres are that way, non-fiction is that way, and comics are over there.

Weiss: *looks incredibly, hopelessly lost* Ummmmm

Blake: ... let’s start simple. What kind of books did you read as a kid?

Weiss, a little helplessly: whatever the tutors my father hired deemed proper for my education at the time and whatever books I could sneak out of the library without being caught and told to put them back because they were either “too young” for me, “too old”, or “not proper for a young lady of my standing”. Grandfather had a lot of books that my father put in that latter category and eventually he just- locked the doors to the library entirely and bought a new copy of whatever my teachers or tutors said I needed.

Blake: *listens to this and slowly has an internal crisis that the ‘spoiled’ Schnee heiress has never been allowed to read her own choice of books aka Blake’s favorite childhood activity*

Blake, a little desperately: Are there any books you remember enjoying as a child? Even if they were assigned?

Weiss combs through her memories, decides that’s not productive, and goes all the way back to her Luna lifetime before tentatively admitting: I ... enjoyed reading mythology and other tales set in historical eras with little evidence of being actually true, but entertaining nonetheless, especially since they often had a moral component woven in.

Blake runs that through her internal Weiss Translator: Fairy tales. You like fairy tales. Okay, I can work with that.

[evolutionsvoid]

Name: Hvalstrom Title: Depth Charge Wyvern Species: Piscine Wyvern Element: Ice Ailments: Iceblight and Stun Breakable Parts: Head(2x), Right Leg, Left Leg, Back (Broken Head and Legs lower the chance of stun on sonic blasts from these areas. Second Head break will decrease damage of ice torpedoes. Broken Back decreases amount of ice missiles fired in its wide range attacks)   Though normally an ocean-dwelling species, Hvalstrom have been found wandering a wide variety of locales. They can appear wherever the land meets the sea, though they tend to wander inland. Despite coming from a realm of water, their thick blubber allows them to survive in harsh conditions, be it in arctic or arid environments. It is quite obvious when a Hvalstrom arrives in a locale, as they are incredibly loud and incredibly territorial. Hvalstrom are quick to anger and will target any large monster that is in their vicinity. Their hulking mass and dense blubber provides hefty protection as well as crushing bulk. The hides of these beasts are covered in scars from previous battles but these injuries don't seem to slow them down. When engaged in battle, Hvalstrom use their bulk to bludgeon foes. Their massive head is wielded like a hammer or club, smashing foes into the ground or sending them flying with a powerful swing. Their thick tail can be used in a similar fashion, making them just as dangerous from behind. While they have physical prowess for close quarters combat, Hvalstrom can be deadly from afar. Organs along their snout and back secrete a freezing compound to turn the water they intake into ice. This ice is shaped into frozen javelins and are loaded into specialized orifices. Using a combination of muscle and water pressure, the Hvalstrom can fire these icy missiles from its snout or back. The frontal shards are often used to target specific monsters or hunters, while their dorsal weaponry is used for taking down flying foes and raining destruction across the whole area. Hvalstrom are quite accurate with their shots, and they are quick to restock on these missiles in case an enemy still stands. If their crushing power and frozen weaponry wasn't enough, hunters will face a new weapon if they enrage one of these titans. Hvalstrom use sound to for communication and sensing, but this ability can become a weapon if they are driven to fury. Cranking up the volume of their calls and bellows, the Hvalstrom will begin to unleash powerful blasts of sound. Their head is the primary source of this power, but their legs and body are covered with these acoustic organs. The ones on their body are mainly used to blow away close quarter enemies or give their attacks extra range. The sonic bombardment from their snout can be used as a long range weapon to knock out bows or gunners, and it can be used to give their head smashes a tremor effect to trip up physical fighters. These blasts of noise have an increased chance of stunning those caught in its path, making them easy targets for an icy torpedo attack.   Despite their size, Hvalstrom feed only on small fish and cephalopods, like Pink Parexus and Sushifish. They use their sonic abilities to detect prey in the waters, then unleash a bombardment of sound to stun them. This same detection method is what they use to survey their surroundings and target foes. Hunters who seek to hide from these beasts will find the task difficult, as their senses can pierce through smokebombs and Sporepuffs.   Through the efforts of many hunters and scholars, it has been found that all Hvalstrom that terrorize the lands are male. Further research has discovered that they are normally a social species that live in large pods. These family groups are only found in their oceanic home, and this is where the females and young of the species reside. It is believed that the nomadic Hvalstrom are adult males that leave their pods when the breeding season ends. Perhaps they are chased out by rival males, driven out by protective mothers, or maybe it is a natural occurrence. Regardless, these males will then wander about, taking to the land and sea. A part of their aggression may come from the separation and lack of socialization these exiled Hvalstrom face, and they take this anger out on any beast or hunter that gets in their way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kind of surprised it took me this long to make something like this. I had never played a Monster Hunter game before, but playing Monster Hunter World made me an instant fan of the series. Someone who loves big beasts with extensive biology and backstory loving Monster Hunter, who would have thought! But seriously I love this game and I can't wait to play the next one which can only be found on a system I don't have. Well crap... That aside, I knew it was inevitable that I would make a fan monster for these games, but it turned out to not be an easy process. The series already has a ton of beasts, and it can feel like everything has been done before. I didn't want my creature to be just another flying lizard or fancy looking dragon, so I immediately went after the neglected classes of the series. At one point I think I made it my mission to make a Piscine Wyvern, a class whose only few members are mostly palette swaps of two fish and is also the one class I think everyone hates. So I decided I would make a cool Piscine Wyvern! Did I succeed? Only you can tell!   (I imagine some people may be asking: "How is a whale a piscine wyvern? It isn't a fish!"  I don't know, ask the Amphibian class whose one of only two original members is a freaking shark.)     So here we have Sperm Whale + Submarine = Invader Monster that hates everything. I was mainly inspired by the awesome Bazelgeuse, who is an organic Bomber Plane, so I wanted to see if I could make any other biological war machines. It is a monster for on the land and on the sea!

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//general dating headcannons//

Characters: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Akaashi Keiji

Warnings: none :)

Word Count: 2K (~630 a piece)

Notes: kdhfesdkfje catch me getting carried away on Kuroo’s ope 0-0

Bokuto Koutarou

My literal husband ;-;

He’s such a sweet boyf oml hi yes, where do I order one?

Bokuto 100% dates to marry.  He’s not here for flings or anything like that, so your relationship will turn serious pretty fast.

Bo is a simp and no one can tell me otherwise, so when it comes to PDA? Oh, he’s C L I N G Y

He always wants to hold your hand or sometimes he’ll walk behind you and cling to your waist.  It’s definitely super hard for both of you to walk, but it’s adorable and makes him happy, so you’re not really going to complain.

If you hug onto his arm? He’s going to melt, especially if you trail your fingers up and down his bicep

It’s the same when the two of you are in private.  He likes to have contact with you whenever possible.  He’ll lay your head in his lap if you’re both laying on the couch or he’ll sit you in his lap and place little kisses at the base of your neck, right above the collar of your shirt.

His clothes are your clothes.  At this point, you wear his training jacket more than he does.  Sweatshirts? Flannels? Shorts?  That’s shared territory right there.

And my G O D does he love it.  He already has to buy bigger clothes because he’s got those wide shoulders, so his clothes tend to either fit you perfectly or completely swallow you, there is no in between.

If you’re thicc too? He has 100% stolen your leggings, just to see the appeal of them.  Please hide them, because oH he understands now.

He gets jealous jealous.  As in, he will place himself between you and the guy trying to talk to you and he’ll act all big and tough.  But the minute the other dude backs off?  Baby boy is back, wanting hugs.  He’ll kiss you all over your face and be really pouty, asking if you’re okay and telling you that he loves you ;-;

Bokuto hoots bye i don’t make the rules. Okay yeah i kinda do, but still.

It’s not like HOOOOOT, but like a really soft h o o and he probably kinda wiggles in his spot, real happy

Bo has N O control over how he sleeps.  He’ll always start out really normal, like you’ll be tucked into his side or something, but by the time you guys wake up? S T A R F I S H he is on his face, limbs covering the whole bed, just snoring away

When he’s away for games, he’s always on the phone with you.  Like, the guys will try to hang out or something and he’ll definitely go off to his room with a “Oh, I want to call Y/N before she goes to bed, but I’ll come by later!” 

And then he just doesn’t because he’s the one who fell asleep, not you.

Compliments the shit out of you.  You’re his hype man and he is yours.  He’s constantly telling you that you look beautiful or if you send him a selfie, he’s absolutely sending back the simp emoji, asking how he got so lucky.

He calls you ‘babe’ but usually only when he wants your attention or if he’s in another room and needs something, so expects lots of “Baaaaaaaaaaabe”s to be headed your way.

Other times?  He calls you by name.  Because there’s a million people who get called babe or sweetheart, but your name is yours, so it feels special and kinda intimate to him?  So, if he’s feeling a little extra sentimental, he’s going to bury his face in your neck and just whisper lots of quiet, “I love you, Y/N”s over and over again.

Kuroo Tetsurou

R O O S T E R H E A D A S S that I love very very much

He’s a complete dork and I know the fandom makes him to be some kind of smooth talking God I’m guilty of it too but-

He’s literally not.  He fumbles over his words so much when he’s around you.  You guys can be dating for years and he’ll still have his moments where he’s a stuttering mess in front of you.

Asking you out?  You suffered second-hand embarrassment.  His face was about as red as his jersey and the boy was so nervous, rubbing the back of his neck, refusing to look at you, but then just shyly raising his eyes to look at you and muttering,

“Do you maybe wanna go out sometime?”

INSTANTLY STARTS APOLOGIZING

“But- but only if you want, of course! Don’t feel like you have to say yes, I can take rejection!  I’m so sorry.  I probably made you really uncomfortable.  You know what?  You don’t have to answer.  I’m just going to go.”

He’s so shook when you say yes, but then immediately puts his cool guy act back on, like “psshh of course you do.”

I don’t see him being super into PDA or physical contact period?  There’s something really special about just being near each other to him.  Just accidentally bumping shoulders or brushing hands while the two of you stroll, talking about anything and everything.

Even in private, there’s not a ton of physical contact.  Maybe tangling legs together as you sit on opposite ends of the couch, but that’s really it.  He likes being in close proximity with you, but he doesn’t need to be touching you at all times.

But he’s down to cuddle if you ask.  He’ll let you lay on top of him and hide your face in his neck or his chest.  Sometimes you guys will talk, but most of the time?  Cuddle time = nap time

He doesn’t get super jealous, but he won’t hesitate to come stand behind you if some guy is trying to hit on you.  Kuroo will probably just play with your hair or make some kind of comment about how that bracelet he bought you looks really nice on you.  Just dropping subtle hints that you’re taken.

Afterwards, though, he just drops it.  It doesn’t really bother him.  He knows well enough that if you didn’t want to be with him, you would’ve broken up with him.  He just wants to be there in case someone tries to make you uncomfortable.

Gamenightgamenightgamenight

I’m talking like board games.  Hours and hours of just sitting at the kitchen table with a bunch of your guys’ friends, slowly ruining relationships, but overall having a good time.

Kuroo plays Dungeons and Dragons.  I’ve said this SO many times and no one is going to tell me otherwise.  So, if you show any interest in maybe wanting to play, or, better yet, if you already know how to play?  He’s bringing you to A L L of the future sessions.

He’s probably going to write your character into his character’s backstory, so when Dungeon Master!Kenma scolds him for playing reckless in order to protect you, Kuroo can retort with, “Well, actually, if you paid attention when I was telling my backstory, you would know- *insert long-winded backstory of how your characters know each other and how his character vowed to your character’s dying father that he would protect you etc etc*”

Kuroo is super into domestic life with you, so you guys probably moved in together as soon as possible.  As in, if you started dating in high school, you were sharing an apartment your first year of college. 

He just has a lot of fun doing little household things with you, like cooking, cleaning, or just enjoying quiet evenings together after all of the work is done for the day.

Kuroo said “I love you” first, but it took you both forever to say it, because you were both kind of new to this dating thing and you had always been told that it was a really big deal, so you didn’t want to rush that.

;-; please take care of my dorky rooster

Akaashi Keiji

Akaashi is pretty easy-going in relationships, but he’s also super romantic.

As in, he has hand-written you love letters.  He’s got really neat writing too, so that just adds to their appeal.  Akaashi probably has a wax seal that he seals all of the envelopes with? I don’t know why, but he seems like the type of guy to have one.  

You guys have a book club, just the two of you.  Oh, it’s so cute.  It started as the two of you forcing each other to read your favorite books, but then, you guys ran out of books to share?  So, once a month, you guys will go to the local bookstore and just spend a good hour or two trying to decide what book to give the other next.  

Akaashi 100% always recommends classic novels.  Things like Sense & Sensibility, Fahrenheit 451, Lord of the Flies, and Brave New World am i saying that because that’s my favorite book? more likely than you’d think.

He’s a lot more prepared for these shopping escapades that you are.  He usually knows exactly what he wants to get you.  If they don’t have it?  That’s fine.  He has a list.

You on the other hand?  You’re asking the clerks what they recommend, reading the back of every book that seems like something he might enjoy, but you usually resort to dystopian novels (Never Let Me Go, Gone, The Handmaid’s Tale, etc), because he likes analyzing the politics and seeing how they could be metaphors for today’s world.  

Damn this really turned into me just recommending books huh

After you two pick out the selections for the month, you two coffee hop.  So, each month, you try a new cafe and you will spend hours just sipping coffee and reading.

He gave you a first edition copy of the first book that you recommended to him for your anniversary one year.  Akaashi wrote you a letter, telling you how happy he was to have spent so much time with you and that he can’t wait to share more books with you and probably some really poetic stuff, because he’s a good writer, but he hid it in your favorite part, so you don’t get to read it right away.  

Okay, now that I got that out of my head.  Like Kuroo, Akaashi isn’t super into PDA, but he does like to hold your hand.  He also always offers to carry your bag.

Akaashi likes to fidget with your fingers.  The two of you could be out or just hanging at home, but he’s playing with your fingers.  It’s just a habit for him.  He used to fidget with his own hands a lot, but now he’s got yours, so not only does he get to keep his hands busy, he gets to hold onto your hand

He doesn’t get jealous.  Or at least, you don’t think so.  He’s really good at hiding any sense of envy he might feel.  He doesn’t say anything.  He knows that you can take care of yourself, but he’s likely right there next to you, possibly playing with your fingers behind your back.

It’s a really chill relationship dynamic for the most part.  You two could be dating for a week and it’ll already feel like you’ve been together for years.  You guys just vibe really well, so there was never that awkward stage at the beginning of the relationship.  Likely because the two of you started off as friends, so slipping into dating wasn’t a very hard transition.

Akaashi isn’t one to say “I love you” a lot, but he really does love you more than anything.  He likes to take care of you and he tries to give you the best life possible and that says I love you more than any words ever could.

[darthstitch]

Say Something

(Or I finally grab my ailing old laptop and decide to write a longer version of the prompt: “Thorin keeps telling Bilbo how much he adores him in Khuzdul and Bilbo does’t know”)

1.  Dwalin has had a long time to get used to Durin-caused bullshit.  

Yes, he’s aware he’s ALSO a Durin.  But his Amad was descended from the ruling family of the Broadbeams and he likes to think that he and Balin got the common sense and intelligence that ancient Dwarrow house was known for.  Because Mahal only knew that the Durins didn’t have it.  At all.  

Case in point: Thorin falling furry arse over boots for that Hobbit.  

So all right, Thorin showed uncommon good sense in that respect.  Bilbo Baggins was a fine cook and the cookies would make any intelligent, self-respecting Dwarf fall on his knees and propose marriage on the spot.  

(Okay, Dwalin didn’t, but that was because he took one look at his King and the Hobbit and just knew....) 

But did Thorin have to go about the whole business like a complete clotpole?

Hence:  

“Mahal’s balls, Thorin, REALLY?” So all right, he was sorry that he’d spewed ale all over poor Kili but the lad should really be better at ducking at dodging at this point.  

Thorin’s suspiciously red ears were the real answer but his King had to snarl, “Shut it, Dwalin!” 

There had been an argument.  Something something Elrond, pointy-ears, not trusting them, better manners.... whatever.  Master Baggins was apparently not the meek and mild little creature they had all taken him for and it was quite amusing to watch the wee one stand up to their grumpy stormcloud King.  

Who apparently found it appropriate to blurt out, in Khuzdul:  “Why are you so confoundedly irritatingly ridiculously ADORABLE, Hobbit?!!” 

Master Baggins had no idea what was actually being said, but the Hobbit simply assumed, based from the surly tone, that Thorin was being Disagreeable and Rude.  So he simply put his nose up in the air and responded with:  “Bless and confound you too, Master Dwarf!”  Then followed this up with a magnificently dramatic exit.  

He did not see Thorin turn all the way red, nor the way Dwalin reached out to grab him by his collar because his royal Durin cousin was suddenly wobbly at the knees.  Look, Thorin was an idiot, but he was still Dwalin’s king AND idiot.  Durin-caused bullshit, right?

Also, Bilbo did not see or hear Fili grumpily handing a bag of coins to Kili. 

All Kili  said in response was:  “Told you so, Fee. Absolute goober.” 

2.   About that bet - Fili and Kili were not stupid.  

Yes, they were young.  And occasionally made some silly decisions.  But that came with the territory and a little silliness added some fun and excitement to one’s life.  

But yes, the brothers both observed their uncle falling for their Hobbit.  

The nature of the bet was HOW Thorin would go about wooing the Hobbit. 

Fili was of the opinion that Thorin would behave in a manner befitting his status as a King and of the House of Durin.  In short, Thorin Oakenshield would be every brooding, swoon-worthy, romantic hero in those Dwarrow romances that their Amad adored and that Fili claimed he never read (nope nope nope - never - what are you talking about).

Kili knew better.  He knew his Uncle Thorin would be a complete and utter walnut.  A total goober over their Hobbit. 

And yes, Bilbo had become “their” Hobbit in very short order.  The sons of Dis knew how to recognize a true treasure when they found it.   So it was easy for them to adopt Bilbo Baggins as part of their family and had no problem telling him so. 

Bilbo’s smile, the hugs he bestowed on “you dear, dear lads” and the extra portions of stew with mushrooms that they got for dinner that night, confirmed that it was the right decision.  Also, who knew that mushrooms could be so amazingly delicious? 

Bilbo giggled, “I’ll make hobbits of you lads yet.  Or since you’re still dwarves, hmm... maybe dwobbits would be better?”

“Dwobbits?!!” was the exclamation of nearly every member of the company. Because of course they were listening in, the nosy buggers.  

“Dwobbits,” Ori said thoughtfully.  “Has a nice ring to it.”  And of course, this immediately went into his journal. 

“Dwobbits... that would explain much about the Line of Durin,” Balin mused.  He twinkled at Thorin, whose ears were once again, that tell-tale shade of red.  The erstwhile King of Erebor looked rather gobsmacked, as a matter of fact.  “It has been said that Durin’s beloved was not a Dwarf...” 

“Maybe all that hair that should’ve been on your face has gone to your feet, Kili, let me check...” 

“Oi! Leave off, Fili!”

“If Mahal and Yavanna would bless us with dwobbits, I would pray that they would all have your beautiful curly hair and your adorable, kissable nose...” Thorin muttered absently in Khuzdul, not seeing the collective facepalming and coin-purse exchanging of the Dwarves close enough to hear him.  

Bilbo, not understanding of course, frowned at Thorin, even as he absently separated the squabbling boys, gently cuffing them by the ears.  “It’s a bit rude to be nattering about in a language one can’t understand.”

“No, Master Hobbit, I’m simply coming up with some suitable way to explain to my sister how I’ve finally tricked some poor unsuspecting soul into adopting this pair of scamps.” 

“Oi!”

Bilbo calmly handed Thorin his own stew - with a generous helping of mushrooms - and said, “I’m sure you’ll manage, Your Dwobbit Majesty.”  

Bilbo was going to learn Khuzdul eventually.  In fact, he was fairly sure that “Irak’Adadith” meant “Hobbit.”  Yavanna knew that Kili and Fili used the word to refer to him often enough.  

Also, he was quite proud that he DID get all three royal Durins to enjoy mushrooms.  

3.  Nori and Gloin were sensible Dwarves and thus, they mostly contented themselves by running the various betting pools that had sprung up over the romance (yes, Mahal damn it, it WAS a romance and an EPIC one at that) of their King and Hobbit.  

Hilariously, it was Bifur who kept winning most of the bets.  It was almost as if the axe in his head granted him some sort of seer-related powers, enough to rival even Oin’s.  

And yes, Oin was Gloin’s secret weapon as the canny old healer employed his gifts of selective hearing to gather all the needed information.  

“Thorin Oakenshield, WHAT did you just call me?  Bunnanunê? If that means ‘halfling’ - might I remind you, I am a HOBBIT and NOT half of anything, you confounded Dwarf!”

“My tiny treasure, eh?” Oin muttered.  “He’s getting creative with the endearments.”

“Reminds me of my darling mizim and how I wooed her...” Gloin mused. 

“Gloin, EVERYTHING reminds you of your darling wife,” said Nori. 

“And so what if it does -- !”

Bifur interrupted the argument with a smug grin and a clear request for money.  Yes, he won the bet again.  

4.   At this point, Bofur decided to start making toys for any future royal dwobbits.  Bifur was quite, quite sure that Bilbo and Thorin would end up having a tiny, dark-haired and blue-eyed dwobbit at some point.  Maybe there was something to the stories about Hobbits springing up from cabbage patches.  Maybe Bifur really was developing Seer abilities.  

In any case, “Uncle Bofur” would be happy to spoil any dwobbits with toys, while also aiding and abetting in mischief.   

5.  Look, Bombur did his part in all these shenanigans.  He and Bilbo traded recipes throughout the journey and he was definitely NOT imagining the pink in Bilbo’s cheeks when Bombur gleefully disclosed Thorin’s favorite foods.  

He also wasn’t above nudging the odds favorably when Bilbo invariably came up with something new and delicious that Thorin would enjoy.  And yes, he was right there when Thorin inadvertently blurted out an utterly twitterpated marriage proposal to Bilbo that the Hobbit had mistaken for a “thank you.”  

“You’re welcome,” Bilbo had said with a sunny smile.  He wasn’t quite sure why Dwalin was suddenly at Thorin’s side at that point, but he did give them both second helpings of dinner.  

He did chalk up Dwalin’s hand on Thorin’s collar as some sort of Dwarvish shenanigans (really, Dwalin and Thorin sometimes gave Fili and Kili a run for their money when it came to ridiculous mischief).  

Bombur just beamed as he caught the money bags coming his way.  He was actually second runner up to Bifur when it came to the betting.  

6.  There was an ongoing argument between Dori and Balin.  

Balin was of the opinion that Khuzdul was still their sacred, Mahal-given language, and as such, could not be shared with non-Dwarves.  

Dori was of the opinion that Bilbo was a true Dwarf-friend and for Mahal’s sake, SOMEBODY had to do something regarding the truly pathetic pining of their King over his Hobbit.  Yes, it was romantic and adorable but really!

Somebody had to take Bilbo aside and get him to realize what Thorin was really saying, so that their poor king could be put out of his misery.  

And anyway, the Consort-to-Be of the King Under the Mountain should really learn Khuzdul.  

Of course, Balin was merely stalling, because he loved a good argument and he was storing up all these wonderful, wonderful points because he was a good adviser and wanted to aid Thorin in giving any old, conservative, useless, greedy nobles collective apoplexy.  

He also knew that he could count on Dori in throwing any potential threats to Bilbo off the Mountain.  

7.  All right, Ori had enough of this insanity.  

Really, he was as avid a Storyteller as Bilbo was and he simply couldn’t end this tale of fighting dragons, regaining Erebor, tricking woodland Elves etc. etc. with:  “And our King Under the Mountain was a complete and utter walnut who let his Hobbit go back to his Shire without ever letting him know how much he was loved.  The End.”  

Yeah, nope!

So Ori waited and watched for his opportunity and Mahal deigned to bless his efforts.  

They were all currently engaged in the tedious work that scribes and historians generally left out of the tales, but were still important in rebuilding Erebor.  The scene was thus - Ori and Bilbo and Thorin Oakenshield and a pile of paperwork that needed to be worked on.   

It was most peculiar how Bilbo turned pink as he watched Thorin Oakenshield pull out a pair of spectacles from his pocket and put them on.  

“Is there something on my face, ghivashel?”

Oh.  OH.  

“Well, yes, there is.  Something.  On your face.”  Bilbo flailed.  

“Surely you’ve seen glasses before, amrâlimê,” Thorin teased.  

“It is STILL not polite that you keep calling me all these absurd things that you refuse to translate,” Bilbo retorted.  

And at that point, Ori was absolutely DONE.  “I think I would like a pot of tea.  Bilbo?”  

Bilbo eagerly took the offered “out” and all but pulled Ori out of the room, both of them ignoring Thorin, who was definitely not pouting.  Bilbo did assure the King Under the Mountain that he and Ori would return with tea for him as well.  The not-pout was erased with a brilliant smile.  Bilbo waved weakly at him even as it was Ori’s turn to drag him away.  

As soon as they were safely out of earshot, Bilbo slumped against Ori.  “Glasses, Ori.  GLASSES.”

“I know, Bilbo.” 

“How does he still look so MAJESTIC and HANDSOME in GLASSES?  This is most unnecessary, Ori.  This is RIDICULOUS.  And why am I telling you all this?  I’ve gone and lost my mind, that’s it.  Mad Baggins, Mad Bilbo Baggins...” 

“There, there, Bilbo.  If it helps, he feels EXACTLY the same way about you.”  

“Don’t be ridiculous - he’s your King and -- “

“ Amrâlimê means ‘my love,’ Bilbo.” 

“What.” 

“Ghivashel means ‘treasure of all treasures.’  They’re endearments.  Words of love.  Every last one of them.” 

“WHAT.”

Ori smiled.  And anyone else who would have seen the smile on the quiet little Scribe of Thorin Oakenshield’s Company would have called it bright as the sun and terrible as the sea.  

“I’m going to teach you Khuzdul, Bilbo Baggins.”

8.  There was something comforting in confessing his love using his mother-tongue.  

Thorin Oakenshield was quite resigned to the fact that he had lost any hope of gaining his One’s affections after the whole debacle with the Arkenstone and the dragon sickness.  Yes, apologies were made and yes, the friendship had been mended.  

And yet, Thorin was too shamed, too angry at himself to even ask for more.  Bilbo had his home in the Shire, his books, his armchair and the memories of his family.  There was an acorn in his hobbit’s pockets that deserved to be planted at Bag End.  

Bilbo deserved all that, his own happily ever after.  Thorin could never be part of that.  He didn’t deserve it.  

“I wish you would stay with me forever,”  Thorin said one day, as he and Bilbo sat together by the hearth in the King’s own private rooms.  He smiled as he shaped the words in his language and prepared to give Bilbo some excuse, a chance to banter and tease.  

“I want to stay with you forever,” Bilbo suddenly said in near-perfect Khuzdul.  “But you have to tell me why, Thorin Oakenshield.” 

Oh, Mahal.  Mahal have mercy on him.  

“Please say something... ghivashel.  Amrâlimê.”  His darling Hobbit had turned this enchanting shade of pink and suddenly, Thorin found his words, the right words, at long last.  

“Because you’ve had my heart all along, Bilbo Baggins.”  

Also, kisses had to be done here.  Because hearing those words from his Hobbit’s lips meant kisses, kisses that were eagerly returned, that had Hobbit hands twining in his hair and Thorin murmured a heartfelt apology as he saw tears gather in Bilbo’s eyes.  

“I love you too, you confounded, ridiculous Dwarf.”

9.   Bilbo eventually learned that Fili and Kili had been calling him “Little Uncle” the entire time.  He laughed, he cried and then gave the boys extra helpings of pie for dessert. 

A certain Dwobbit with curly dark hair and big blue eyes would always love the stuffed plush dragon that his Uncle Bofur made for him.  Yep, Bifur won the betting pool again.  

No, Fili and Kili absolutely did NOT have furry feet.  But yes, they were proud to be Dwobbits of the Line of Durin.  

Gloin had to be reminded that the Line of Durin tended to find their Ones in the most unconventional ways.  This was the only logical explanation as to why his darling Gimli would eventually end up married to Thranduil’s son, Mahal save them all.  

Many, many generations later, it was said among the Dwarves of Erebor that leaving knitted things and flowers at the feet of the statue of Ori, the Scribe of Thorin Oakenshield’s famed Company, would lead to blessings and luck in love.  

- end - 

#thorin you walnut is the best goddamn tag i’ve ever found - you guys are AMAZING

[curechocolattymilk]

TES V OC Thingie

[Got tagged by @jessaryss​ ! ]

Pause your game! Wherever your OC is in their game currently, tell me about their story so far.

✧✧✧ General

Current Level: 56

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Name Meaning: Literally got it from a name generator lol. But lore wise it was a name gifted to them in honor of an Argonian who served beside Tei’s mother during the Great War

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Early 30s where they are story wise???

Race(s): Argonian

Place of Origin: Hammerfell

Pick A Theme Song For Them: oof that's tough... From a Crowded Wound or maybe even Firstwake? If you really played around w personal interpretation/the lyrics that is haha

✧✧✧ Locations

Where Did You Begin Their Game?: Argonian Assemblage, Windhelm (Alternative Start)

Where Are They Currently In Your Game?: Whiterun

What Are They Doing There?: Just finished attending a party held in their honor (Post Blood of Kings)

Homes?: Breezehome, Proudspire, Lakeview & Autmnwatch

# of Locations Discovered?: 274

Dungeons Cleared: 104

Misc. Quests Completed: 87

Favorite Areas and/or Locations: Falkreath / Lakewview Manor. Both areas are where Tei heads off to in order to collect their thoughts/feel some sense of calm.

✧✧✧ Main Quest

Are They Dragonborn / Do They Know It At This Point?: Yes & yes

How Do They Feel About Being Dragonborn: It's...complicated, being thrust into the role of savior by gods of the Cult, which in turn are followed by the folk who see you lesser than them. Tei already has a dislike towards the Divines, this doesn't really help lol

Main Quests Completed: 21

Where Are They In The Main Story Line: Alduin's dead, currently trying to ignore the Civil War as long as they can before the Empire forces its hand into forcing them to join their ranks

Dragon Souls Absorbed: In total overall? 147. The amount currently stored in Tei? 45

Words of Power Learned: 64

Shouts Mastered: 21

Favorite Shout: Firebreath / Dragonrend

✧✧✧ Combat

Most Used Weapon(s): Daedric war axe OR Dragonbone battle axe. Tei technically has both on them at all times during adventuring, alongside a shield, so which they used depends on the situation/which they grab fastest.

Combat Style: Two/One-handed tank. Main tactic is to rush in, cause as much damage/chaos as possible to shake up the opponent, & clean up what the ranged attackers of the party (usually Rumarin, Inigo and/or Lucien) weren't able to deal with.

Armor Type / Level In It: HEAVY ARMOR BABYYYYY (Level 100 + 35 extra points via enchantments)

# of Training Sessions: 99 in-game, lore wise its a lot of self-teaching/keeping their skills learned from Hammerfell sharp. Some of these are magic but lore-wise this doesn't happen cus Tei is not a magic user, save for shouts. I just did those in-game for exp OR so I can help Lucien raise his magic skills :'D

Who Taught Them?: In-game?? Fuuuck so many npcs. Lore-wise? They learned this from their schooling in Hammerfell, going off the canon-lore that it's p much expected for everyone to have a grasp on combat & weaponry! Though they did learn a few things from Kaidan & Anum-La.

Favorite Enemy Type: Dragons! Despite the fact Tei does not have the best magic resistance, it's one hell of a challenge they love to meet.

Least Favorite Enemy Type: Automatons, because of a bad experience with them as a child. Also Undead, because they were raised not to disturb them & it just feels so wrong having to fight them/go into tombs.

People Killed: 945

Animals Killed: 749 (Hunterborn makes hunting fun lol)

Undead Killed: 766

Automatons Killed: 105

Daedra Killed: 136

✧✧✧ Magic

Favorite School(s): None, actually. Destruction is okay though....they guess

Most Used Spell(s): Firebreath or Dragon Aspect. Tei doesn't consider shouts spells though. It's totally different guys shut up they ain't no smelly mage gods

Spells Learned: 9 in-game, mainly due to the spells you're kinda forced to learn for some quests/the ones you automatically know

Items Enchanted: 19 (Tei technically doesn't enchant, and wont next playthrough for sure I wont give in this time >:[ )

College of Winterhold Quests Completed: 8

Where Are They At In The Questline?: Main quest is done bcus i dont like seeing unfinished quests in my journal lmao. Tei's involvement is completely different from canon though in my take. Moreso was hired as a guard for the expedition & was, unwillingly, dragged into the rest of the mess. Is not offered the Archmage position, that went straight to Tolfdir.

Opinions on Magical Guilds (Arcane University, Winterhold, Psijics, Synod, Radiant Dark, etc.): As they get older, they tolerate the guild & magic users more n more, BUT, Tei grew up in an environment that frowns upon the practice of magic, & it shows. They mainly mistrust necromancers/illusionists & still hold onto that belief that reliance on magic, especially for combat, is a weakness.

Bold words for someone with shit magic resistance.

✧✧✧ Crime

Current Gold: 10,640

How Did They Acquire Their Gold?: Odd jobs, selling a lot of the items they made/harvested from smithing & hunting (jewelers are their go-to hirers bcus Tei is great at getting things like ivory), Dwemer ruin diving (they refuse to loot the tombs), also yknow....being part of the Dark Brotherhood helps

Largest Bounty On Their Head: 11,240

For...?: Unfortunately they did not stand down when they were being falsely accused of murder in Markarth. First time Tei called down dragons (Sahrotaar, specifically, Tei managed to get command of Miraak's dragons post-Dragonborn) to absolutely smite some fools.

Current Bounty: None! They're good at not getting caught/threatening and/or bribing guards. :)

Locks Picked: 15 i think?

Jail Time: 1, Cidhna Mine

Jail Escapes: 1, teamed up w the Forsworn lol

Murders: 28

Assaults: 307....In their defense people keep getting in their way during dragon attacks

Items Stolen: 37, most of them from the nobles of Windhelm

Thieves Guild Quests Completed: N/A (wont be doing this storyline unless i cant find a mod that'll let me get the shouts locked behind it)

Dark Brotherhood Quests Completed: 20

Where Are They At In Those Questlines?: DB is completed main arc wise!

✧✧✧ Relationships

Relationship Status: Married to two lovely fellas

Current Companions: atm? none

Housecarls: Lydia & Rayya

Friends (outside of party): Zora Fair-Child, Inigo, Lucien, Anum-La, Morndas, Aela the Huntress, Nazir, Babette, Scouts-Many-Marshes, Isobel, Madesi

Children: Khash, Chases-Starlight, Ram-Ku. (going of where Tei is now - Otero & Mei come around later on in Tei's story!)

Romantic Interest(s): Kaidan & Rumarin.

Sexual Orientation:

GAY

✧✧✧ Religion

Pantheon: Yokudan, with a hint of Hircine worship in there

Patron Deity(ies): From the Yokudan pantheon: Tei mainly views HoonDing as their main patron, but also prays to/pays respect to Satakal.

They are also Hircine's champion.

Daedric Quests Completed: 3 (Hircine, Vile, Dagon - the last Tei didn't really help, moreso pissed off)

Aedric Quests Completed: 1 if you count the whole Alduin thing I guess?

How Devout Are They?: Tei is rather devout, esp to their Yokudan patrons, praying or making offerings daily. They aren't the type to really push it in your face though, but have no issues answering questions one might have.

How Do They Feel About Talos Worship?: Deep down they acknowledge & admit trying to ban worship is terrible, but....Tei also lets their bias/experience with Windhelm, the Stormcloaks & especially Ulfric kinda cloud over this. If the Nords want their old ways so damn much, why fight for a divine from the Imperial Cult? Why not go back to the actual old ways? No, this isn't about worship, not to the men leading this so-called rebellion, they just needed something other than their racist bullshit to fool the common man into throwing their lives away for the nobles sitting comfortable in their thrones.

Also during their whole thing of getting into their role of dragonborn, they get a bonus 'fuck this dude actually' towards Talos, Ysmir, whatever the fuck he calls himself. (tldr; it sucks but good luck hearing Tei say that fully)

✧✧✧ Politics

Gray-Mane or Battle-Born?: Neither, ask them again they will punch you for the love of Ruptga they get asked that every time they enter Whiterun.

Stormcloaks or Imperials?: Also neither, Tei hates em both n think they can all choke. Unfortunately they were forced to join the latter due to, yknow, calling dragons & causing massive damage in Imperial territories during isolated fits of rage and the group being more aggressive in wanting something in return for "letting it slide"....oops

Opinion on the Thalmor?: Oh absolutely despises them, they loudly complained having to work with them during the CW & would go out their way to disrupt their plans/piss them off. Sneaking was an option they did not take during the Embassy quest, if it helps paint the picture.

Opinion Of Ulfric Stormcloak?: Tei doens't say they hate people often...but they sure as hell hate Ulfric. Again, their experience in Windhelm added to this heavily, how both the Dunmer & Argonians were treated like shit, with no help whatsoever from the Jarl or guards when the local Nords targeted them. It's still up in the air if I keep this for Tei's story, but I have it where they knew Chases-Starlight's parents, who were killed. When Tei went up & demanded justice/an investigation, only to be brushed off because it "wasn't a priority," it completely destroyed what little empathy or hope they had left for Windhelm as a whole.

Opinion of The Empire?: Cowards too weak to continue fighting back against the Thalmor, in their opinion, & holds these views they grew up with even when being strong-armed into aiding them. If anything they're at least attempting to use their influence to hint towards a rebellion against the Thalmor, but the Empire could also full-on dissolve & they could give less of a shit.

Civil War Quests Completed: 0

✧✧✧ Personal

How Are They Doing? Need Some Juice? A Nap? A Hug?: The whole event of Blood of Kings has fucked with their head, to say the least. It's the starting point of Tei's eventual spiral. So uh...yeah they're not sure how they're doing everything they knew about reality was kinda challenged & they don't rlly have anyone to talk to about it so its cool, its fine, its all good.

A nap is probably needed, not sure about a hug theough they're super flinchy rn

Days Past In Game: 196

Hours of Sleep: 846

Food Items Consumed: 1833

How Many Playthroughs Have You Done With This Character: Tei actually is an older character from the 360 days so uh...maybe 5 at most? This playthrough & their S:EC one coming up when the mod releases being the main ones focusing on their story

Overall How's Your Level Of Fun: Alright I would say! I just been stepping away from Skyrim more often lately to avoid burning out from it

Must Have Mods To Play This Character (for story or other reasons): Ordinator, Wintersun Faiths, Immersive Armors, Sarcastic Player Dialogue, 3DNPC, Inigo, Lucien Flavius, Kaidan 2, Khash the Argonian, Alternative Start, Leviathan Animations, Beast Race Body Paints, Beast HHBB, Apocalypse Magic, Deadly Dragons, Growl: Werewolf Overhaul, Pronouns, uhhh....idk what else without actually listing my current modlist lmao

----

And that's it for Tei! Anyone who wants to do this go on ahead!