#i knew i couldn't be the only one thinking about that ffs. especially in a political marriage setting

[lavenderhateswritting]

Mohawk Mark x Reader

I have a favorite variant I'll be the first to admit. Reader has the power to create shields that can stand up to limitless amounts of damage, but it will begin to drain them of their energy until they collapse

Oh God you were fucked. I mean legitimately fucked in a way thst can't be truly described. I mean what was Cecil thinking sending you to try and fight one of these evil Invincibles. Your powers are purely defensive and now you're expected to be able to stop someone who you've watched go toe to toe with Omniman. That man wanted you dead that could be the only answer as to why he had sent you out here.

You had a job to do though and if you didn't contain this Invincible variant he was going to tear through New York and kill the millions of people just trying to live their lives.

You had been trying your hardest to defend who you could while staying off of the Invincibles radar. You had been using your shields to stop debris from crushing civilians and when you could using them to reinforce buildings that were getting torn through and give the people inside a chance to escape even if it was only a few seconds.

You weren't going to be able to hold this up for long though and eventually you found yourself standing in front of a safe house that had been housing nearly every civilian within a 6 mile radius. You had completly covered the building in a shield and hoped yo would be able to hold out long enough for someone stronger to come.

The Invincible variant was standing in front of you and it was the first time you had ever seen him up close. He looked so different from your Invincible it was almost jarring especially the almost crazed look in his eyes.

Suddenly he moved forward with so much power that he destroyed the concrete under his feet as he rocketed towards you. You barely registered his movement and before you knew it he had punched the shield directly where you were standing. The power of it sent your head reeling and made your legs shake with the effort to hold you up.

"I've fought you before you know. Back in my world punched through these little shields of yours and then ripped through your stomach." He said it with a deranged smile on your face that made you want to sprint in the the other directon as fast as possible. This man was insane.

"Well I'm you're just gonna have to kill me again then because I'm not letting you kill these people." You tried to make your voice sound as confident as possible, but exhaustion and fear made it waver. That seemed to bring him even more joy. As he reeled his arm back

"That's the plan handsome." He smashed his fist back down into the shield again with just as much force as before. And then he began o pound his fists into the shield over and over again. Every hit rang in the back of your head like a sledge hammer. As the assault continued you found yourself falling to the floor completley barely able to keep your arms underneath you.

"Well if it makes you feel any better you definitely lasted longer than my universes version of you be proud of yourself." He reeled his fist back again and smashed into your shield so hard that your teeth began to chatter. You heard him start to laugh hysterically.

"I guess we're finding your upper limit then huh." You lifted your head off the ground where you had finally completly collapsed to see the cracks radiating from the area he had hit. You weren't going to be able to go for much longer. You could barely hold your head off the ground and he hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Ff-fuck you dickhead." You finally spit out. There was blood beginning to drip out of your nose and mouth. You were going to die here. "So mean to me handsome and here I was appreciatng the view. Your blood looks great on you by the way makes you look all rugged my kinda man."

"What the hell are you talking about you psycho?" Because you simply couldn't believe it there was no way he was flirting with you while tou were dying that's to insane.

"I was kinda sad when I killed you I really didn't appreciate the eye candy until I was stuck with the rest of those fuckers at the GDA and now look at you so weak that if I broke this and took you back with me there'd be nothig you could do about it."

Well fuck. Of course the one time another man is trying to ask you out its while he's trying to fucking kill you. You have shit luck.

"I would rather die." He pulled his fist back again and you both knew this would be the end of the fight. He smashed his fist through the shield and the shield smashed into thousands of pieces of blue glitter that disappeared in seconds. You were fucked.

The Invincible stood over to you now and leaned over you until he was right next your ear.

"Its really funny that you think you have a say in how any of this goes." And then he giggled to himself like the very idea of you deciding how this ends was ridiculous.

"Now you just stay right there and I'm going to raze that building to the ground and come back for you when I'm done." He turned toward the building you were defending and began to speed forward. You had so little energy left in you, but you couldn't just let these people die. So you held your hand up and made a shield that was only big enough to encircle him stopping him in his place.

He turned his head back towards you cocking his head like he was confused as to where this last burst had come from. "Well look at that you still have something left in you huh. I was really hoping not to fry your brain this fight, but I guess it can't be helped." He tried to punch through the shield surrounding them, but just as he pulled his arm back you willed the shield to smash into the ground as hard as you could.

"Oh you little shit where were you hiding that move." God you had barely even scratched him. He was still smiling like this was a fun fight for him and not your last stand. You lifted the shield again and then smashed it back down.

"I don't get it. I mean you're barely concious right now and yet you're still trying to save these weaklings who won't even be alive to thank you for your sacrafice."

"They don't need to thank me. I'll save them anyways every chance I get." You could taste the blood getting caught in your throat you had never pushed your body this far before and you weren't sure that your body would be able to come back from this.

"Fine I'll just have to handle you first sad I wanted to cop a feel." The asshole had the nerve to actually look sad about that fact. Then he started to press his hands against the walls of the shield contaning him and started to push with a force that made you scream out. Your eyes blurred over and you began to hear ringing in your ear.

He was floating over you now the sun obscuring his face."Don't worry someone as strong as you will have a place in my empire and my harem." And then the blackness consumed you. You had failed.

[therantspot]

we need to talk about sring venka rn. it's very important. so tw: rape, sexism, suicide, and war violence. also the entire trilogy spoilers. continue on your own volition. this is gonna be long af :)

she's one of the strongest people in this godsforsaken series.

and I'm not just talking about the fact that she survived days upon days of rape and seeing other girls around her being used and killed in the cruelest ways, which that in itself should've been enough to break her (the only other two survivors literally drank bleach bc they couldn't survive it) ESPECIALLY in the society she lived in. where the patriarchy is still in rule and girls weren't good if they'd been "used". another rape victim was convinced they should both die ffs. bc even if they didn't want it and it was the worst thing they'd survived they should be ashamed of it. it wasn't their fault, but the world would make them think it was. THAT is one of the worst things anyone can go through.

and venka pushed through it. not without suffering, even if we're not shown more than glances at it. she pushed through it even when she had to "get creative" at an abortion, and then her father didn't even try to understand. her family was part of that society that told her she was wasted goods now, and she bared her teeth at them and dared them to try her again.

she was never supposed to be a soldier. she fought for that too. she would've been a lady in someone's state, but she defied the norms in her family and got them to let her become what she wanted. that takes courage, with the norms that she was supposed to follow. she was supposed to be just a pretty face, but she decided she could be that with fangs and claws as well. she took no bullshit and handled business and people like that. she went to battle with a bright red lip on. she was brash and had no mercy bc the world had shown her none of that once she stepped on the battlefield.

sure she started off as a spoiled princess but she died a fucking general.

and I wanna talk about her death too. or the unanswered revelation we get before it.

I'm ngl, I suspected her at the beginning of the burning god. there were too many coincidences. and yet I liked her too much, so I gaslighted myself. she'd come too far. and yet... idk what I believe, not fully at least. was she the mole? idk. she could've been, but the more k think about it the more it makes sense and doesn't at the same time.

nezha knew a lot, that's true. she survived in the anvil when they probably should've executed her, idc how persuasive she could've been. but if she was nezha's spy, out to kill Rin, why wouldn't she tell him about the bond between kitay and rin? why would she suffer through the anvil and the south, and the tikany bombing when she could've stayed in arlong?

so idk if she was a mole, even if rins accusations I thought of as well. idk if she was behind the weirdly feminine character letters. I do know she didn't want to kill Rin, she truly was her friend. she loved her.

sring venka was one of the best generals rin could have appointed to lead the nation if she'd been in the right mind to actually do it herself. and I'm so sorry she didn't get to impose castration as punishment for sexual abuse

[sayuri-of-the-valley]

On how Crowley and Aziraphale's dynamic shifted in s2:

Okay so I was inspired by this lovely post by @rebeccasteventaylor which I couldn't find the link to in order to reblog directly, but if anyone has a link to it pls I'd love to put it here:

Anyway, while I absolutely 100% agree with @rebeccasteventaylor 's meta, I have to point out that s2 shifted it a little. Especially for Aziraphale.

We don't see him looking away trying to hide his heart eyes anymore as he used to do in s1 (we all remember the "smitten" scene, only to cite ONE). Compare the little breath of lust from the Bastille (when he looks away twice) to the "don't hesitate to ask me if you have any questions about love" one.

In s2, he touches Crowley like crazy. He touches his chest, his hand, his back, asks him to dance, gives him a whole ass cotillion ball.

He was deliberately and explicitly pursuing Crowley this season. If s1 was all Crowley pursuing Aziraphale, s2 was all Aziraphale pursuing Crowley.

And Crowley seemed to either not notice or not acknowledge that Aziraphale was doing that (the way he said Aziraphale only has 3 reasons to call him still drives me crazy. Crowley ffs those were ALL the reasons there is to call someone. He's ALWAYS thinking of calling YOU).

I think Crowley was afraid. Probably for the same reason he never told Aziraphale he was homeless. Which is sad and kinda doesn't make sense at first bc this is all Crowley has ever wanted, right?

Until we remember the last time Crowley let himself love and be loved freely, he was cast away (yes, the Fall). He lost everything bc he wasn't worthy according to some crazy criteria. Apparently he doesn't even know what he DID exactly.

I wonder if Crowley thinks he's not worthy of Aziraphale. I wonder if that's why he refused to see their love for centuries until Nina threw it at his face (Nina LITERALLY doing the Lord's work). I wonder if he's afraid of loving and letting himself be loved and then losing it again. Afraid of daring to ASK and losing everything. Again.

And Crowley wasn't *happy* this season, even with their freedom. I wonder if Aziraphale was mistakenly arriving at the conclusion that he was not enough to make Crowley happy. That him alone would never make Crowley smile the way he did when creating nebulae.

These 4 years were breathing space between the two "wars", according to Crowley himself in s1. And I think Crowley doesn't deal well with their relationship in a calm environment. He only knows how to make grand gestures, and heroic rescues, and go fast and act on impulse because then he doesn't have to THINK. Once he needs to sit down and make a commitment (telling Aziraphale he's homeless for ex), he just STOPS, he can't.

Aziraphale was the opposite. The calmness without any danger was giving him all the space he needed to act on his feelings, while the sense of danger always made him enter denial mode (which ironically seemed to be Crowley's mode in s2).

Of course they still need to put a name on what they are and stop pretending, Nina was absolutely right (and Crowley did catch up on that faster in those last 15min), maybe Aziraphale was still lacking this bit even if he was pursuing Crowley, but we can't deny that until those last 15min the "us" was coming from Aziraphale.

It's sad to realise that unconsciously, without even noticing, Crowley was rejecting Aziraphale almost the whole season.

UNTIL suddenly there's a huge problem, a desperate situation and he wants to abandon everything, take Aziraphale and run away again! (his original plan wasn't even to run away, it was to go to the Ritz). And who can blame him after what happened when he Fell? The Fall was totally unexpected, nobody even knew that could HAPPEN.

Crowley doesn't think himself worthy of Aziraphale (he's UNFORGIVABLE!), and Aziraphale doesn't think he's enough to make Crowley TRULY unashamedly happy and carefree.

And they're BOTH immensely WRONG ofc, we can all see it. They're each other's WORLD.

But they just assume stuff and never ASK, never TALK (bc well, it was literally dangerous before, I get it, their communication issues don't come from nowhere). That's why they have different perspectives on how to fix their situation in the end.

And btw I have to add we can't ignore Crowley was opening himself more too, always taking off his glasses when he was at the Bookshop for example. Ironically he was just a bit slower than Aziraphale for once. All that ofc until those last 15min, when they both change back to their old behaviours (makes me want to bang my forehead onto a wall).

I do believe they'd get there if the Metatron hadn't intervened (interesting that he chose this *exact* moment), especially after that little push from Maggie and Nina (for Crowley) and ofc brielzebub (for Aziraphale) that was gonna make them BOTH confess their feelings.

Anyway, bottom line, fuck the Metatron.

This is also a thread on Twitter :D

[oceangirl24]

Fandom drama finally over (next chapter on the way).

Well, this month has been surreal.

For those of you who have been following me for a while you know I have dealt with plagiarism and harassment by a fandom writer since October of 2022- exactly twenty years after I posted the first chapter of AiP on FFN.

Totally gone.

Everything has been deleted everywhere.

The name has been scrubbed, even on pages that tagged her. Only a few gift fics on FFN and a few stories on WhoFic.com remain.

Gone like she never existed.

I've held off saying anything in case it was a just a dream, but it's real.

She is gone!

It's over.

Finally!

I cannot tell you what a massive relief this is.

I have never named her publicly through all of this, although I know some of you figured out who it was.

MrsFizzle. Kaylie Night.

I never shared the extent of what went on for several reasons, but mostly because I knew my socials were being watched and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that what she was doing was so badly affecting my physical and mental health.

I was already dealing with a severe bout of depression and anxiety when she contacted me on FFN in October 2022. At that time, I did not have any socials linked to my FF accounts other than my art account on FFN. I was just getting back into fandom and hadn't decided how I wanted to engage yet. We had been talking in comments on AO3, and instead of asking me if I wanted to talk privately, she just appeared in my dms saying she wanted to talk so she "found" me. This was disturbing, especially since she indicated she was aware I likely did not want to hear from her, but I brushed it off as anxiety talking. I had said I wanted fandom friends after all. And I had no reason not to talk to her.

I should have listened to my instinct.

She straight up told me what she was going to do and how she was going to do it- take my work and Audrey to chop up and use as she pleased. She immediately began to gaslight me by saying she had all of this already written and was giving me a heads up so I wouldn't think she copied. Later, she insisted she would not change anything about Ashley, which made her previous offer to change her name not sincere.

I felt I couldn't say anything about this, not even saying yes, please change the name. What right did I have anyway? It's fanfiction. Mine is the only story like it in the fandom and recognizable, so she'll credit me, and I'll get over it.

I hated it, though. I hated what I thought she was trying to do, and I hated myself for thinking that of someone new to and excited about the fandom. I've been in BMW fanfiction since 2002 and have always had a great experience with it and the people in it. I convinced myself that I was reading into things, and that depression and anxiety were skewing my perception.

Over a year later, while putting the report together, I saw her own words in comments with the dates on them telling me she read AiP and Flashbacks before writing her story, I just didn't catch it. I also saw all the lies she told her readers about the situation. I saw the little comments picking at my characters and story line, the ones she said she loved so much to make herself look better. I can't imagine what she was telling people privately with how bold as she was publicly.

She lied to me about everything from why Ashley's name was so similar to Audrey's to the plot she had planned for her "little family". Told me our OCs had to be the same because they were written for the same character. They had to be younger than Jon, had to have a traumatic backstory, and had to be good with teens, very pretty, etc. There were differences: her character wasn't as young as mine and "had more of an edge to her".

Also she said she couldn't tag Ashley as an OC because she wasn't. Not really. To say she was original would be "presumptuous". She existed in GMW.

Somehow Audrey did not nor did any other OC love interest for Jon even though they too were nurses like in canon. Unbelievably, she even told a reader Ashley was a canon character.

We talked for one week.

It was a miserable seven days. I set my discord status to invisible to get rid of the pressure to respond right away when she messaged. She didn't like this and wanted to know why she couldn't tell when I was online.

No one else ever shows up like that she said, why do you?

I made something up and said a bunch of things to appease her, but I was worried about why this was such an issue, especially since many of my friends were also permanently invisible. The fear she was watching my online movement just had to be my anxiety driving paranoia, right? She couldn't be. Who has time for that?

A fandom friend I had been talking to about the conversations as they happened advised me to get out. She said I shouldn't be afraid and anxious when talking to someone about fandom things.

I finally got the courage to end it. She didn't like being cut off. I tried to be nice about it and took all the blame on myself for this fandom friendship not working out, but that wasn't enough. I finally had to be forceful (or honest I suppose) and tell her I felt like I was being lied to because what she told me was different than what she was telling other people.

She denied it of course and was very offended.

"May God deal with me as He sees fit if I have intentionally decieved you."

This closed out one of her last FFN messages and always bothered me. Was it purposely worded like that or a Freudian slip? In hindsight, now that she's deleted everything, maybe He did just that.

I found out later that the "repetitive stress injury paired with hypermobility" in her wrists that left her unable to type for a year was not her story. See I have hypermobility in my lower body, really bad in my hips. In talking to her, a lot of what she said didn't make sense and she often wouldn't give direct answers. Later on Reddit she announced that her wrists were suddenly healed, all better now. I had no clue you could be cured of hypermobility (you can't).

When compiling the plagiarism report, I came across the AN on a story written by a close friend of hers (I was blocking all close associates). What was it about? A repetitive stress wrist injury paired with hypermobility. It looked like it went up during the time we were talking.

She told me one thing about why she left her job in the AO3 comments. Then she used my own AN about why I left teaching (internal school politics) to come up with a different reason for leaving education on FFN that honestly made no sense to me but I didn't question her. She then told Reddit something different.

There were other instances where she took someone else's story and claimed it as her own real-life tale. Some of this was public, too. Either she thought no one would pick up on it, or she thought she could say anything she wanted and not be held accountable. I don't know.

Then there was the drive to push me out of the fandom using what weaknesses she knew I had to do it. Looking back, she was very good at it. Too good for it to be the first time she'd done this to someone. She claimed I was the first person since high school she'd had drama with and the first ever online. I highly doubt that now.

I had Cameos from Tony Quinn and had spoken to him in dms. I mentioned these to her, and she insisted on seeing them. I didn't want to share them. They were special to me with a lot of personal things said. But I was selfish by not sharing, right? So, I gave in, edited out the personal stuff, and sent them to her.

Immediately I regretted it.

As soon as she indicated she's seen them, I deleted them. Then she said she hadn't seen part of one and none of the others, could I send again? I ended up making an excuse as to why I couldn't - too much personal info. Truthfully, I had the inexplicable fear she was going to take the videos and claim them as her own.

You see, she didn't care anything about Tony whom I've been a big fan of since 1994 when we first started talking. He was just some old guy to her. Until she found out how much I liked him. Then suddenly she was his biggest fan and just had to meet him because he was so wonderful. They lived in the same state after all. Oh, but don't worry I would get to meet him too someday for sure, she told me... on the other side of heaven. 🙄

When I told my friend about this one, she said to cut contact.

(Ironically, by the time we started talking, Tony had already moved back to my home state, where he and his wife are from. Learned that from his Pod Meets World interview that came out a month after we stopped talking. I cried-laughed the first time I listened to the interview.)

She liked to point out how old I was. I never told her, she did the math and figured it out she said. She was wrong, but it didn't matter. She was aware of personal insecurities and liked to push this one. I told her things I should not have but I was desperate for another friend and I convinced myself that all the warning sirens I was hearing in my head was just anxiety.

Towards the end of our time talking on Discord, she had started the subtle dismantling of my confidence in AiP. I was very aware that my work was outside of the norm for the fandom at the time and was often insecure about it. With little feedback at the time, I didn't know what to do.

It's a trilogy, split it into three parts maybe, so the word count isn't so intimidating?

She told me the story was too long, and even splitting it into three parts wouldn't help- no one reads sequels or will go back to read the first parts. On the other hand, no one would be interested in giving it a chance because of the length. Also, the story wasn't healing- and that is why people read, you know. Her attitude toward Audrey grew chilly and very, "she's an OC, people don't like OC main characters." This was a drastic departure from her comments on AiP.

Then she started bragging about how well her story was doing and all the comments she got. Fans were just begging her for more.

After I cut contact, she blocked me on Reddit and purposely took over the Jon and Jon and Shawn threads so I couldn't participate. This continued until I blocked her. She didn't like having her participation limited.

Blocks on both sides were lifted for awhile. I wish I hadn't lifted mine. But I had been so looking forward to season 2 of PMW and wanted to talk to others about it and Mr. Turner. I thought I could handle dealing with her more out there takes.

During this time, I noticed a sharp drop in interaction on my stories.

Readers not from Reddit or FFN disappeared. I always wondered about the timing. Readers gushed over her, though, and several indicated they were talking to her on Discord, too.

She knew how much fandom connection meant to me and took every opportunity to flaunt hers, whether in her comments or on Reddit. She had a thing for following me around and posting where I did, including on other people stories.

I mentioned this feeling of being left out and wondering if there was a Discord server for BMW I didn't know about. She said there was none she knew of and told me no one wanted to talk about BMW in a discord server anyway. All the people she talked to were uncomfortable with that. They only wanted to talk to her privately.

Turns out that was another lie.

Not only did I find that people wanted a discord server, in a comment thread with her and another reader about wanting to discuss head canon offsite, one of those readers "uncomfortable with discord servers" created one of their own and dropped a link inviting them to it some months before that conversation.

It wasn't the existence of a private server that bothered me so much. If there was, there was. It was the way she told me: everyone wanted her, nobody wanted me.

Had it not been for readers alerting me to the stolen work, I would never have known any of this. I'd still be wondering why the fanfiction side of the fandom wanted little to do with me when I sincerely tried to give back as much as I got and tried to welcome/encourage writers, especially new Jon & Shawn writers.

Then she contacted me on Christmas Eve 2022 on Reddit. After I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with her. As always, I was too nice. I still blamed myself and the anxiety for everything that happened. She offered friendship and apologies and then abruptly ripped the offer away when I expressed having reservations. When I didn't do what she wanted, she got mean.

Admittedly, her hurtful words about having "tons" of fandom friends to talk to when I didn't upset me. Since she liked to talk about God and being a Christian, I shot her some Bible verses about words and told her how cruel she was.

That didn't go over well.

Later I felt bad about it. Maybe I was too harsh, too judgemental, too sensitive. Blaming my anxiety for my reaction, I stupidly reached out on Valentine's Day 2023 to try to make peace with her.

She was even meaner and now saying she was afraid of me. She said I had hurt her so much she couldn't trust me. She admitted that she'd hurt me too but wouldn't say how, just that we kept hurting each other, so she was too scared to talk to me.

What?

I was talking about her, she claimed. And that was too much. She couldn't take the pain and stress of being talked about online. Oh, and her depression was worse and she struggled more, so what I was going through didn't matter.

Did I talk about her online?

In the aftermath of the Discord chats, I was angry she wouldn't leave me alone when asked. I resented her trying to push me out of a fandom I've been in since I was a little kid. I vented my frustration by making a wildest opinion that fans had heard over the years post on Reddit. Mine was that Jon was a coward for letting Shawn go back to Chet. I never named her or how I'd heard this opinion. I didn't think she was even still around the subreddit.

She outed herself.

I think the biggest problem with the post was that no one agreed with her take. I deleted the post not long after it was made and apologized to her for it later, but it wasn't good enough.

The next thing wasn't even about her. I told her that when she contacted me on Reddit. Someone had posted about having to block someone online and why. I responded sympathetically, referencing something that had happened before I met her. She refused to accept that my comment wasn't about her. Of course, I was talking about her, how could I not be?

Everything was about her no matter what the topic was.

But these were the terrible things I did to her that made her afraid of me. She couldn't come up with anything else. Turns out what she was really afraid of was that I would find out what she was doing and what she was telling others.

For 16 months I was so stressed and depressed that I started having panic attacks again. @lizettevanessa and later @mrsmungus virtually held my hand and talked me through these. They spent hours trying to help me calm down and get me to think rationally over that time.

I have type 1 diabetes and stress is a killer for me. Throughout this ordeal, my blood sugar was stuck at over 300 for hours on end and it seemed that no matter how much insulin I used it wasn't enough. And then the bottom would fall out and my blood sugar crashed. It was a never-ending cycle of trying to bring down highs and bring up lows. This led to stomach problems, constant migraines, and eventually hair loss. I had so many nights where I couldn't sleep. I was so depressed I couldn't work out and I couldn't cope with online or rl situations that shouldn't have been a big deal.

It also triggered the ED.

I hadn't had a relapse in years.

Online I was always looking over my shoulder wondering if the people in fandom were being honest with me or if they were pretending to be my friend while reporting back to her. I know for a fact one person in the BMW server was doing this. I know at least a couple of readers/friends were involved and that she created alts impersonating others.

Trying to run an inclusive, welcoming fandom server while trying to protect myself was a nightmare.

I honestly can't put into words how much damage she did. It was only because of my chaos family and sis @mrsmungus that I didn't quit everything. No exaggeration. I came very close several times to deleting over 20 years of work and history because of her.

What I've just told you is a just a part of what I've dealt with since late 2022.

The worst part is I think she'd be pleased to know how effective her tactics were. I don't know what was going on in her life that drove her to do this. I don't know if she is just that jealous, entitled, and petty a person or if she was lashing out because of something done to her and this was the only way she could get revenge- by going after an easy target and inflicting the same hurt she'd suffered.

What did she gain by doing all of this? If if I had left the fandom, what was the end goal? There were/are a lot of Jon and Shawn adoption writers out there. Would she drive them out to so she could be the BNF of BMW?

I've been in online fandom for over 20 years and I've learned that fandom is cyclical. Favorite tropes, characters, etc. change over time, falling out of favor and then becoming popular again. It would be a full-time job plus overtime trying to stay on top.

As for me, all she had to do is admit where her inspiration came, just once, just a note. Instead, she chose to lie, manipulate, and harass me just so she didn't have to admit it.

It's incredibly stupid if you stop to think about it.

But she is gone now and all of that is gone with her.

I don't know what happened that made her nuke everything and I do not care. It doesn't matter.

I used to want that story rewritten or gone. But in all honesty, I am ecstatic to see she's gone.

Good riddance.

Looking back, I get the feeling she is a very privileged person who has been sheltered from having to deal with the consequences of her actions for a long time and not just online.

Going back over all the private correspondences with her, the ones she had a with a mutual reader that were sent to me, and her response to AO3 that was removed by staff, in them is a trend in claiming something awful happened to her making it impossible for anything to be her fault when confronted with something negative. Flu, injury, baby, computer theft, ID theft, etc. There was always an excuse. She was always the victim.

She got away with it until she didn't.

I really do hope she deals with whatever caused her to act this way. It's terrible for those who cross her path who aren't her constant cheerleader, but it's worse for her in the end.

You can't be like that and be happy.

You know what is sad?

She's actually a talented writer. She could have taken that story and really done something special with it. The foundation was there. She could have taken Ashley and made her into a fully developed, living, breathing character who could have shaped her family unit in a way that didn't look anything like mine even if the same basic elements were there. It would have been so easy for her to do. Instead, she picked what she wanted from mine, minced it up, and harassed me over what she was doing.

AO3's verdict on my report, which was still out a year later, no longer matters since she deleted everything.

If by chance Kaylie is reading this or does read this someday, let me be very clear: Do not think I feel sorry for you in any way. Do NOT contact me for any reason, not even to apologize. Do not come at me with new accounts anywhere. I do not care if it's ten years from now. I want nothing to do with you.

Yet out of all this mess, there were some incredible things that came of it. Because of her behavior, it drove me to get involved with fanfiction outside of the fandom and find my online family. If I had the chance to go back in time and avoid her, but it meant not finding my family, I'd decline. Her nonsense was worth finding them.

Because of her, I did become afraid to get involved with fandom people and very nearly missed meeting someone who is very dear to me. @justanotherpersonwhowrites posted her story on FFN and I completely panicked when I saw the description of her OC. Thankfully she posted on Tumblr and AO3 later on as I was finding my family. I reread her story and fell in love with her OC. I got up the courage to reach out and I am so glad I did. She is an amazing person, a talented writer, and an incredible friend.

Also the BMW discord server happened because of Kaylie. I didn't want others to be isolated from the fandom like I was and Reddit is good for some things but not others. Not only is it an archive for the show but a place for fans to find each other. It is also a safe place for fanfiction writers to get together.

So what happens now?

Autumn in Philadelphia will go on, without a doubt. And I will be picking up my other stories that were more lighthearted and fun. I have a series of Jondrey one shots that I really want to do too. A lot fun stuff and art. I'll be more active on here and in the BMW server.

The AN that's on every story will be changed to link to this post.

As for blocks, they will remain for now.

The reason is I've been through too many bouts of silence only for her to resurface. Although she can't return in the same way, I don't know that she doesn't still have former readers acting as her eyes and ears. Eventually all blocks will be lifted except on those I know to be her friends because she named them as such.

I still have the report, the screencaps (soooo many screencaps), all her messages, and a copy of that story. I took screenshots of all the places she used to exist but doesn't anymore because it still doesn't seem real. I thought about purging everything, but they are now a part of AiP's history. Someday I'll get around to building that neocities site as a tribute to the era this all began in and I will include everything: the fantastic, the strange, and the nightmarish.

I want to extend my eternal gratitude to one of my dearest friends, @lizettevanessa, to my sis @mrsmungus, to little sis @justanotherpersonwhowrites, to @lena-hills @kayedium-writes @hylianjo @sliebman10 @axolotlsupremacyowo @udaberriwrites @fattybattysblog @narcissasdaffodil @danceswithdarkspawn and the rest of my Chaos family for your love and support during the past two years. I owe you everything.

And to my readers, who've been with me whether from the beginning or just joined, THANK YOU. I love and appreciate you more than you know.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

-Aria

[tamelee]

pls bottom naruto is disgusting stop drawing this ooc cringe

Eh? And it hadn't even been a full day.

Anyway, do you know what this means?:

It means… that I don’t give a damn about your whiny gibberish about this top/bottom bullshit, because it sounds incredibly silly. (And wrong because I draw both?)

It’s fine to have a preference, good for you (I have one too!), but if all you care about between a character-dynamic is the single notion which establishes a rule within a fandom that demands only this particular dick in only that particular booty and nothing else, while dividing yourselves between "us and them" while seeing the people who like the same exact characters as your "enemy" and treating them as such— well, 

I have nothing to say to you, I couldn’t care less what you think about me and I don’t know you. 

But for the sake of other creators who are often a target also, some which I know quit because of this… there is a little something I'd like to say about these servers:

You don’t think I (we) know what is said in there and by who? 👀 That your rules of "what is said on here stays here" with a bunch of people online that you don't know, is actually respected? Why do you think I never join any. And bet your ass that I'm not the only one. This constant fighting between NS/SN is such an embarrassment for this fandom, seriously. I hope you realize that.

Because, instead of encouraging a (new) creator to share something about the characters you claim to love (for fucking free) you go off chastise them for not “doing it right”/“your way”, pretending it's some unspoken commission no one knew of or was paid for. Instead of being happy there’s still so much creative contribution for characters from a story that ended years ago, you go complain under fanfics and dishearten writers, often grinning away with your little server-“friends” and make fun of work someone poured their heart in. Or, you huff, puff and breathe fire as you make plans to cancel them out of pure bitterness, to the point (especially new) creators are too scared and dispirited to ever share anything again. It's easy to do anonymously, aye? And if you think that doesn’t affect their lives and sends them right back into a crestfallen pit of dark hell because it prevents them to do/share the single thing in life that gave them a bit of joy, then...

Congratulations; you’re a heartless bastard.

And you, as a fan, did yourself dirty too.

Do you know how many people don’t want to share anything at all for this fandom because you people leave comments, tags, asks, tweets constantly complaining about an incorrect portrayal of the (in your opinion) only acceptable dynamic, like a bunch a brats? Do you? Because I’ve talked to quite a few of these discouraged creators, they have to hope for the best and pray they’re spared from your scrutiny. I receive it from both sides every now and then.

Again, congratulations: you’re the reason there’s less chance of you getting what you want in the first place. 

Do you... really not realize?

The more you squabble with "your enemy" (lol) the more it affects the "us" you care about while the rest of us just bask in the glory that is SNS/NSN and couldn't care less about what you think/have to say. So, keep everyone else out of it and go mope elsewhere.

But, between you and me? There are better ways to share what you think is right. Make something yourself, because what's stopping you?

You’re perfectly capable, it doesn’t have to be art or a fic, maybe there’s just something in the story that you really enjoyed— write about it. Make a meta. Post the panel, show the moment that determined your undying love for this single dynamic and why— whatever.  Because, wouldn't it be nice having someone encourage you to create something you like? 😬 Especially because you and your server feel so strongly about it? And then you don't have to depend on others either?

Wouldn't it be nice?

Well?

Hm!?

Try it, ffs.

[reticent-writer]

Hi Can I Ask for a Scenario of the Hashiras (Apart from Rengoku, Shinbou) With Their Father Figure Discovering They Are Blood Relatives and Being Their Real Father.

Which Was Separated From Them. I'd Love To See Sanemi Discovering That The Monstrous "Father" He Had Isn't The Real One And Obanai Discovering That His "Family" Stole Him From His True Parents And The Fact Of Obanai Discovering He Was Loved By His Real Parents.

They Deserve So Much Love Please.

I've had this picture for a while and been wanting to use it.

An: for fathers figures I go with their occupation from other fics.

Mitsuri's ff is a Baker. Giyuu and Rengoku's is a retired hashira. Shinobu's is a doctor. Obanai, muichirou, sanemi and tengen are people from their past.

demon slayer master list

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

Sanemi

When Sanemi was younger you would constantly visit him and his siblings, oftentimes helping his mother with his "father" when he was drunk. Sanemi and his siblings were yours.

You hated seeing how Kyogo would treat your kids, but you vowed not to say a word because Shizu did not want to tell him that they weren't his.

Unfortunately, you weren't there when tragedy struck.

You came clean when everything settled down. Genya was ecstatic but Sanemi was about to beat your ass.

"You let us deal with that asshole for YEARS and said NOTHING!" He screamed as he pounded on your chest.

"I'm so sorry, Your mother swore me to secrecy. I wanted to tell you so bad." You said, catching his wrists as he tried to punch you. You could barely see his frustrated and tear-stained face right before he pushed it into your chest.

This poor 14-year-old boy had lost his mom and siblings but at least now he has a proper father.

"I'm glad your my actual dad." He muttered as his arms fell limp.

"Me too."

Obanai

When Obanai was born he was immediately taken away from you and your wife, who unfortunately just passed from birth complications. Being in the infamous Obanai clan is hell on earth.

They didn't care that he was your son, what mattered to them was that he was the only born blood male of the entire clan.

(ya know when your family thinks that they are entitled to something you own just because they're family) Obanai grew up just thinking you were a father figure who called him son. You were always there for him especially when he was still in the clan's clutches. While he was with the clan you told him many stories, one of which is about your wife and that she was pregnant but had complications and died during labor, but you never said what happened to the baby.

Today you were watching him train, he looked a bit off, like he had something on his mind.

"Hi son, did you eat today?" You ask interrupting his training with bento boxes in hand.

"No."

"Come eat I made lunch." You beckon him over with a wave of your hand and he listened.

He sat next to you and asked, "What happened with your baby?

All you could do was look at him. It just came out of the blue. You were tongue-tied and didn't know what to say.

"My child?"

"Yeah, what happened to him? You never told me you always stopped the story after your wife died." He asked again. You had to tell him eventually, why not now?

"Well, my son was taken from me, but I still got to watch him grow up. Unfortunately, I couldn't save him from getting hurt. A snake demon didn't like his uniqueness and wanted to make him more like her, She had the clan slit his mouth."

Your words marrinated in Iguro's mind as he realized you narrated his childhood.

"I'm sorry I never told you. I was scared of your reaction."

He didn't respond, instead he scooted a little closer and laid his head on your shoulder and started to eat.

It felt like an entirety before he said something, "thank you... For everything."

Giyuu

You were absent for most of his life, he only knew you existed from letters you'd send him and his sister.

He didn't know what you did, where you lived or if you had a second family, so when he met you he didn't think you were his father. More like someone who looked out for him while he took your spot as the water hashira.

He only found out because he went to your house and found a picture of his sister on a offering table in a spare room.

"Hey who's this?" He asked and you walked into the small room.

"My daughter. I wasn't there to save her but my son is an excellent fighter, a hashira."

Giyuu just stared at you. His eyes starting to tear up

"Are you alright?" You tried to comfort him but he backed away and covered his face with his hands.

"I'm fine this room is just dusty."

"Okay." You chuckled and patted his back.

In a blink of an eye and turned to face you and hug you.

If any other Hashira were present they'd certainly tease him.

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　

[obitoslover]

Your perspective on things is AMAZING. I have no words, I'm just

Your insight on the characters and situations is just-- it feels so canon/dark (not "light hearted" as the actual series, but fitting with Konoha Founders era) I feel I can touch it with my own hands (pls tell me what's that fanfic so I'll follow/subscribe.)

And I love the historical facts, I really admire how much you know about japanese history and language

@narutobrainrotstuff @evilkitten3

mutuals what do you think it would happen if madara was the first hokage? excluding kurozetsu's whole plot ofc

[fandombymanynames]

some season 7 thoughts mostly focusing around the disaster that was Runaan's second trip to Katolis...

buckle up lads, it's gonna be a long one

First of all, do i think Ezran was wrong for locking up Runaan?

absolutely not

This kid just had his entire kingdom burn down and is now staring at the man who killed his dad seemingly but that's another matter. He's allowed to be pissed, and he's well within his rights to arrest Runaan. I was honestly shocked he was the ONLY one acting upset. I thought for sure the second Soren saw Runaan that he'd be drawing steel, since if I remember correctly (and i could totally be wrong, it's been a while since i watched it thru from the beginning, so have mercy), Soren actually fought Runaan while trying to defend Harrow??

So Ezran's actions are not what bother me about the whole plot point. What bothers me is that this is only happening now??? Like, I'm not even convinced Ezran fully knew who Runaan was other than the assassin that killed his dad. Did Rayla ever tell him that's her dad and I just forgot? Did Callum ever tell him 'hey we're trying to free Rayla's dad (the man that killed our dad) from his coin prison that Viren put him in, just a heads up so you can digest that'? That seems like a massive thing to just spring on a person when you've been planning it for several seasons at this point. Couldn't have written him a letter even... smh

And then on top of that...they bring Runaan to Katolis like absolute dumbasses. Like if you're not going to have the decency to warn your brother that you're planning to break Rayla's dad out of coin jail, the least you could do is just let Ezran keep his blissful ignorance and peace on the matter. It was just an objectively stupid move from all three of them (Callum, Rayla, and yes Runaan himself like wait outside my dude). As the saying goes, play stupid games win stupid prizes. Naturally you bring the guy who killed the king to the kingdom...he's gonna get thrown in jail, and it was all perfectly avoidable if they rubbed even two brain cells together.

okay maybe that was a little mean, but it was a stupid thing to do and i hope we can all agree on that.

but it's what happened so we move on to the next domino in this disaster: rayla breaking runaan out.

Was I all for it?

Yes. Let me be very clear, Runaan is my favorite and he and Ethari's reunion was literally the only thing i cared about this season

Was it ALSO a stupid as hell thing to do?

YES

Like you didn't even wait for night?! You're MOONSHADOW ELVES! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT????

I wanted to strangle someone.

The only good thing, imo, is that she did tell Callum ahead of time. That's growth! She knew what she felt she needed to do and let him know. And very critically, she did not want him involved because she knew this was going to hurt Ezran and didn't want to put Callum in a position to directly pick her over his brother. It is so clear that Ezran is in turmoil and he deserves to have his brother there with him. Callum SHOULD have stayed with his brother, but they had to be stupid and stage a prison break in broad daylight like absolute bafoons. I just...it's so dumb.

I get that the idea is to not keep Ethari waiting 'one minute longer' than needed, but come on guys. You can still race back to the Silvergrove while taking reasonable precautions to ensure you actually make it back to Ethari alive. I think he'd prefer that actually.

It just all felt contrived for drama, at the cost of characters acting reasonably intelligent especially my man Runaan who's a fully grown adult and should have known better than just walk into Katolis, ffs man critical thinking skills

What's my take away from this long mess? That this should have been a building conflict within our original trio starting from the moment Rayla got the coins and understood what they were. Ezran should have been involved in the discussions on freeing Rayla's parents, especially Runaan. If that's too much to ask for, we should have atleast seen some conflict out of Callum on the matter (Harrow was his dad too). It's a fumbled arc in my opinion, thru and thru

but hey that's just me, just needed to put some thoughts to paper as it were. hopefully this mess makes sense

[reicraft]

How not to lose a brother, no glue no borax

Hermes!fem!reader x Hermes cabin

Summary: luke betrays camp and you don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. Luckily your siblings seem to be there for you.

Contains: pure angst!!, hermes sibling dynamics, SPOILERS for last Olympian, takes place during the titans curse/battle of the labyrinth. Not really a happy ending? Character death.

A/N: hi guys this is my first ff on tumblr hope you like it. Slightly (or mostly) inspired by the ‘no glue no borax trend’ on tik tok.

Word count: 1.2K

You would think that a cabin like cabin 11 always felt alive and full of people, yet you couldn't help but feel like the loneliest girl in that there. The dull brown walls felt suffocating, but the thought of leaving them seemed even more terrifying.

 “Come on sis you’ve got to leave your bed someday,” said Connor, carrying a tray of food. He sat on the footer of the bed and looked up at the girl. Being the closest in age–just one year apart– Connor was your rock and your partner in crime. 

You slowly sat up and grabbed the small bowl of strawberries from the tray. “Maybe Hypnos is my dad,” you said sarcastically while wrapping a blanket around yourself. Maybe Connor was right. It was time to touch the grass and wash up a bit. 

“That would be a shame, I can't afford to lose another–'' he cut himself off before messing up big time. You shifted in your seat uncomfortably, eyes getting watery with the thought of him again. The old Hermes cabin counselor. 

You were there that day when the iris message arrived in camp. Luke, your older brother, confessing to poisoning Thalia's tree and betraying camp. It wasn't as if the news only affected you; every single one of your half-siblings couldn't believe it. It had explained why he didn't arrive at camp that year or why Chris wasn't there to annoy you like always. Oh wait, that meant Chris also left. You were never the same again.

you were merely 10 years old when you first arrived, being claimed by your father as soon as you stepped foot into camp. Connecting with your other siblings in an instant, especially with Luke. You looked up to him; he was the older brother you never had growing up as an only child. He taught you how to use a sword and how to utilize your abilities to their full potential. It was fun to steal the camp store with your siblings, a weird bonding experience for sure.  Being a year-rounder also meant spending more time at camp, which also meant getting to know Luke better than most of your other siblings. 

Truly, nothing prepared you for such a harsh reality check. You blame yourself for not seeing the signs after his quest; the constant waking up in the middle of the night screaming in fear. the sudden harshness towards others, slowly disconnecting from camp. Sadly, you started to blame your father for everything–how he treated Luke, how he treated you, and how he seemed to not care for the pain you felt. 

“Y/N Travis told me not to tell you but they found Chris, He's alive.” Your eyes widened with shock, you knew Chris wasn't dead, but the thought that he was no longer with Luke made you worry even more. At least if he was with the enemy, he was still with his brother. 

“Where is he?” you said, getting up, ready to travel to the depths of Tartarus just to see him again. 

“Wooh, hold your horses, he was brought back to camp but, he's not in the condition you want to see him in,” Connor said, a slight shakiness to his words as if he had seen Chris, as if he was hiding something. 

“What do you mean by that? I don't care about that I just want to see him again” You were starting to get angry. You weren't the same immature 10-year-old from before. You could handle this, or at least you wanted to believe you could. 

Connor got annoyed. He knew better than to go against his brother's wishes, but he thought this news could bring a smile to your face, a smile long forgotten. “Travis was right; I shouldn't have told you,” He said, getting up from your bed, about to leave the cabin. He couldn't afford to dwell on these things. He now had to be head counselor, thinking about the course of action the camp would take.

 But you ran, catching up to him, grabbing his arm. You felt compelled to know this information; he was your brother. “You and Travis can't keep hiding things from me. I am not a child anymore. Don't you think it hurts me every day how I lost my brothers or how I might lose more in war " Tears were threatening to spill out your eyes, your legs felt weak from not walking in such a long time and your emotions could no longer be contained.

"See Y/N, that's the thing. You're so blinded by your pain. Don't you see the rest of us grieving? Don't you see how Julia and Alice have stopped with their pranks? How me and Travis have to be in charge of this damn cabin with no guidance.” you had never seen Connor actually get angry before, He was the camp clown he played pranks on people, he made people laugh, he didn't make them cry. 

“You're not the only one hurting, Y/N, Understand that '' he finished off pulling his arm away from your grip. The tears you held on to finally started to spill, It was true you could be selfish at times, but you couldn't afford to fight with your siblings; it was the only thing left in your life. Alexa, one of your sisters was the one to bring you food that night, not seeing Connor until after the campfire, very clearly annoyed and avoiding you after your little spat. 

You knew tension was high in the cabin but you didn't stop to think it was this bad. You were so caught up in your own agenda that you didn't see how you could all fight at a time like this. You had to have each other's backs. Everybody a camp loved Luke; that was a fact, but nobody felt the true betrayal of a sibling like you guys did.

It had been a year now, and you and your siblings found yourselves on Mount Olympus embracing each other and sobbing as you saw your poor brother die. “He died a hero,'' they said but that still didn't stop the pain. It was enough to see him betray camp, witness so many demigods die in battle, see Chris go mad from his days in the labyrinth, see camp slowly dying. Now there was a dagger still inside of Luke. 

You missed the times you played poker in cabin 11 or made chocolate chip cookies (his and your favorite), sword fighting, everything. You've only met your father a few times; you couldn't help but blame him for so much. Yet here he was with you guys equally as sad, Travis swore he saw the old man shed a tear or two. It made you laugh slightly when he told you that, not that it was something to laugh at,  just the thought of a god showing emotions seemed foreign. 

It was funny how grief brought you all together, more united than before. But still, that didn't mean you could look past Luke's actions and the pain you felt. Maybe someday in the future, you would understand where he was coming from, but for now, you couldn't help but cry those feelings and thoughts away. 

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The trickster

Source: Wiki.

So my theory and predictions have always been along these lines:

But I have always thought Shapiro's trick is not just a poaching trick, as I explained in the meta above.

IMO it's also a trick rooted in professional jealousy and pettiness.

Walk with me here:

We were talking FF earlier with @only-one-brain-cell, and the trickster came up. Her angle was: "What if Shapiro was never going to talk to Carmy? What if he just said that to put Sydney’s mind at ease?"

Which makes total sense, right?

BUT

My point is:

What if it's worse than that, I mean on top of that the tricker was BLUFFING because he's a trickster!

I mean... What if he was never gonna hire her to begin with and he just wanted her to quit The Bear but there was no such partnership stake?

What if he just wanted to poach her but there was no such agreement?

He never sent her a contract for her to go over, which is a formality and common procedure in any business negotiations, especially if the offer is really juicy.

No hard copy.

Carmy drew the agreement and emailed it because his is actually a real and legit offer.

Maybe Shapiro just wanted Carmy to lose his most valuable asset.

And then ditch Syd, and hire someone else, maybe someone more experienced than a young chef who had been a CDC for only a month by then and had plenty of experience as a Soux Chef but no international experience and a failed catering business under her belt, regardless of how talented he knew she was, because he had already been to The Bear incognito, of course.

Perhaps Shapiro, strategically speaking, just wanted to make sure he was going to compete with the Sydless version of The Bear.

Stealing young talent is common in the biz but that stealing, which is what we all know as poaching, may not be always followed by a better and more solid offer, sometimes it's just about making sure the other restaurant loses its edge, not about hiring new talent, not necessarily.

Maybe Shapiro just wanted it to be Carmy vs him, EC vs EC.

Maybe he thought he could take him that way and beat it at his own game for once.

A Sydless Carmy may have looked less unbeatable in his eyes.

Why wait for her to talk to Carmy to make a formal offer? Wouldn’t it be more convincing/tempting to show up with the paperwork and the $ right up front? And only let her cash the first check in once she quits The Bear?

BECAUSE HE WAS FUCKING BLUFFING AND TRYING TO USE SYD TO GET TO CARMY BY POACHING HIS EDGE, HIS NEW SECRET WEAPON, THE PROMISING YOUNG TALENT THAT HAD EVERYTHING TO PROVE, CIA TRAINING, TALENT, AND NEW AND GREAT IDEAS, SOMEONE WHO HADN'T YET BEEN FULLY JADED BY THE INDUSTRY AND COULD ONLY GET BETTER.

Forget it! It was a trick!

He said it. He literally said: “Here’s the trick”

And then offered the deal.

No paperwork though, just his words.

He’s a trickster!

I’ve been saying this since June 27, the guy is full of shit and professionally jealous of Carmy since they were staging together before he was sent to Copenhagen.

Unlike Luca who saw Carmy as an inspiration knowing he could never beat him, Shapiro saw him as competition and hated him because he couldn't beat him, Carmy went on to become the most excellent CDC... you know the drill...

Now, Carmy, Carmy never even saw Shapiro at all.

🤪🤪🤪

Too busy being the most excellent CDC and putting his ❤️ on a plate for Syd to even think about Shapiro at all.

Which is what kills Shapiro and that's why he wants to take him down.

Because Carmy never even saw him as real competition so that'll show him!

Carmy saw Luca as competition.

Not shapiro

And he smoked Luca.

But Luca doesn’t resent him for that.

Shapiro, on the other hand, is petty.

And Shapiro would have never achieved what he did so far if it wouldn’t have been for Chef Terry. She was the soul of ever. Not him, and he knows it, that's why he wants to start clean and doesn't wanna inherit anything from her.

He wants to open his own place like this because he has A LOT TO PROVE TO HIMSELF.

Unlike Carmy, who made it anywhere in his own merit, even under his iron fist:

That's yet another difference between Shapiro and Carmy and the trickster is aware of this and it kills him.

But my point is not that Carmy is better than the Trickster but that the reason why the Trickster wants to poach Syd OR MAKE HER THINK SO TO GET HER AWAY FROM CARMY AND BREAK THE WINNING UNBEATABLE TEAM, is exactly that, Shapiro is Shapiring and thus he's not to be trusted, that offer may not even exist, it's only a decoy for Syd to bite and leave Carmy high and dry so it's easier for him to take him down.

He must have seen them working together when he went to SPY with a bunch of friends and sent the reviewers in to try to fuck Carmy and picked up on this:

Because he's a trickster but not stupid.

He doesn't want Syd and he certainly doesn't want to give her "whatever she wants". GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

He wants to ruin Carmy.

I said it before and I'll say it again:

FUCK SHAPIRO!

Bonus track: Sorry, you were saying?

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[doubleedgemode]

Some character thoughts

I wanted to write down some ramblings about Dizzy's Strive arcade route plus other character things aside and ended up with like, eight paragraphs so here you go I guess!

Under the cut because it's long and so you don't get spoiled if you haven't watched yet. As always feel free to comment and add stuff like agreeing or disagreeing. :)

Omg so that video I watched before wasn't even the extreme route.. So after watching, yeah, tdlr: Dizzy is a queen in all senses and a.b.a is a miserable ugly thing I want to comfort.

Sorry for focusing on my main even if she's not as relevant as Dizzy but you know how it tends to be in my blog.

Longer text: I still stand I'm not a Dizzy expert by any chance of the imagination (as I have said before, outside of my homunculus pond, I feel like my knowledge about this series characters' is not that big. Plus the queen especially, I feel she has a lot of lore to tackle haha) but Strive sold me enough on her. I'm proud of her! and her philosophy, is refreshingly well-written:

it both comes out as like she's this mature, wise, self-realized person who speaks from a higher plane so to speak but also like a normal person (echoing Goldlewis' statement of forgetting he was talking to a queen for a bit) who has recieved a lot of bad hands but somehow managed to heal and maybe their philosophy is too optimistic, maybe it's correct, but she sure will try to make it because of her drive. At least, I want her to make it.

She also strives (hah) for peace and embodies being a sovereign ruler, yet won't let that change her character and will to fight.

This must sound like an oxymoron after all I said about her and change but, just like how she sounding regal yet casual works, this somehow works too! She isn't rejecting changes in life. She knows they'll happen. She embraces them whatever they might be. But that doesn't mean that she has to be a pushover (for lack of a better term). Her character, that is the ONE thing she can change and she chooses to do better and make it so if changes have to occur to people and herself that they're good ones. I gotta bow down to her.

It makes sense to me from a design (?) storytelling (??) perspective that now Necro and Undine are more minimalistic. They're still important to Dizzy's character but she keeps them more in control so to speak, since she's now more in control of her situations. But they're still important, and their relationship towards her seem warmer, too... Like making peace with oneself, in a way. Also, them having a way more unified colour-scheme might not only be so the design is streamlined, but as both being equally important to Dizzy perhaps? (but keeping their attitudes of course)

Now for a less healthy attitude towards changes we have...

A.B.A... That rejection of change cuts deep when you think about, how it can be interpreted that most or at least some of the most impactful of her life experiences feature this encompassing opposition to change, be it whether because outside factors didn't permit it (she couldn't go outside and just stood a decade inside the metaphorical Frasco flask ffs, she wanted a body for Paracelsus but they couldn't get it..) or because she didn't want it (she knew what she was doing to Paracelsus was wrong, and yet kept on knowingly doing that).

Now, I say most or some, but not all, because she has equally important moments of change, (meeting Paracelsus, going outside, even her appearance change after finally deciding to involve herself on human stuff), but I believe her upbringing, solitude and mulling attitude influence this looming presence of stagnancy in the back of her mind, whether she wants it or not. But hope also coexists in her heart so, she might want to believe in Dizzy's words. Just a little bit.

Also I like the headcanon I've seen floating around of Dizzy's route happening before A.B.A's own route (explaining why Paracelsus is yellow), so maybe these encounters and other offscreen things were important pieces to help A.B.A's character do a click. Really fitting that both Dizzy and Testament can have this positive influence about changes to people. Of course, it is the person themselves, in this case A.B.A, the one that has to realize, but it doesn't hurt that the overtly optimistic winged girl you kind of captured ends up beating you up and giving you life lessons lmao. I wonder if they hang out together now, at least sometimes that is... Edit: somehow I missed one of the scenes where they do see eye to eye in husband-liking and A.B.A begrudgingly decides to accept having some tea time together so... Win at least?

Plus, while Paracelsus looking like if he were being curious at Dizzy's proposal is probably because, well, the existing model has both him and A.B.A going :0 at people... Maybe you could see him as him getting moved by Dizzy's statements, too...

[hand-picked-star]

The 13th Annniversary Arshi Fiesta

Moodboard : Historical AU

Whispers of the Heart | Chapter 05

I am not very good at writing ffs. I even read ffs very selectively. But it was an attempt of me to participate in the 13th-anniversary arshi fiesta. I might be wrong about certain aspects of that age and era, but it's a fantasy, so why not?

I don't own Arnav and Khushi and the story is purely fictional and has no relation to any living or dead. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Chapter 5

(continuation of previous chapter)

'' Arnav"

She pushed herself off the bed but stumbled to reach Arnav. He wrapped his arm around her waist before she could fall. Her hands splayed palm out on his chest. She stared at him like he hung the sun and the moon and his breath caught. The atmosphere between them undulated, changing into something heavier, something alive.

"Ummm...I want to ask you something," she tripped over her words, "Why is it that every time someone says your name" feeling her pulse quickening "or you come close to me" she whispered like it was a secret "My heart starts to beat harder? ", taking his hand she placed it over her heart "I tried to understand it, but couldn't." a silence came over between them, "bataiye na!!"

Arnav blinked, her words not quite making sense. He couldn't think and that should have disturbed him, especially because he held her so close. It had not escaped him how pretty she looked. She was always pretty, but today was special. Her hair hung loose but wavy, and the dress she'd chosen, a pure white salwar-kameez with red churni dupatta, hugged her curves in all the right places. He had noticed her curves earlier. But it's difficult to ignore at this moment, not with her body up against his. And that red bindi on her forehead, it would be the death of him someday.

His pulse felt thready. And he wanted to touch her. The simple impulse to touch the tips of his fingers to her cheek was almost more than he could bear. He raised one of his hands to cup her cheek and tilted her head toward him. There was a good reason why he shouldn't touch her, but he couldn't remember what it was. Her eyes searched his, her trembling lips slightly parted. He heard the words as clearly as if she'd spoken.

Kiss me.

The heat of her breath on his lips made him dizzy with need and he gave in. At first, Khushi couldn't comprehend what was happening. One second she was asking him a question, the next second, she was in his arms, and before she could quite recover from that, he was kissing her.

Or had she kissed him? Her brain was muddled. She was thinking about him the whole day-how handsome he looked in the white kurta. She was shamelessly looking at his lips the other day when he was eating Kheer. Had she acted on those impulses? Shy and confused Khushi ducked her head, breaking their kiss.

But almost as soon as their kiss was broken, he put two fingers under her chin, tilting her head up and claiming her lips again. His free hand moved from her waist to her back, pressing her flush against him. She whimpered and forgot everything else, anything else existed. If she'd lost her mind, so be it. Nothing ever felt as good as whatever was happening at that moment.

One of her hands crept up to cup the back of his neck and threaded her fingers through his hair, while the other hand went around his back, clutching his kurta in a death grip. She tentatively tried to return his kisses. Her heart was racing. She felt weightless. His lips were hard on her while he was holding her so gently. Khushi couldn't rightly tell, when he'd begun to walk her backwards, she only knew she found herself pressed against the wall. And then, as abruptly as it all began, it was over.

Arnav groaned from the back of his throat as he pushed away from her. He stumbled back. His hair was rumpled from her fingers, his lips still moist and parted. The five seconds they stared at each other were the longest of Khushi's entire life.

And then, he left her there, pressed against the wall, flushed-face, lips swollen from his kiss, without a word.

(end of flashback)

Arnav was sitting on the garden bench, threading his hands through his hair and tugging hard. The guilt he felt was a weight on his shoulders, pinning him down as effectively as any physical thing.

It wasn't just that he had no right to do what he'd done. What made it all the worse and what could be worse than taking advantage of someone under the influence, was that to this day, two years later, he still daydreamed about that kiss. He could still remember how very sweet it was, the emotion of that kiss, the tenderness of it and the taste of her lips, and the way her body fit the lines of his. And how powerful was the need that rushed through him then. Her warmth, her scent, everything about that moment felt vivid and real as if it was happening all over again. He had to close his eyes tightly until the feeling passed.

It was not like it was the first time that Arnav had kissed a girl. The first time he kissed a girl in the Valleys of Darjeeling was a girl from Darjeeling High School at 18. it was supposed to be fun, but as soon as he kissed that girl, he discovered something, like she gave him a disease, he heard a voice inside his head that sounded very much like his Nani's. The look he gave her afterwards, she must had thought he was insane.

'you are a womanizer, Arnav'. the voice thundered. 'just like your father.'

After that every time he thought about kissing a girl, his Nani would start talking. It was really difficult to do anything with your Nani in your head. Then one day, he with some of his friends out of curiosity went to a pub to taste some liquor. He should have known better, he ended up spending the night with someone he didn't even remember.

'See, I told you so' the voice taunted him continuously the day after.

After that, he tried his level best not to hear his nani ever again in his head. There was one thing that Arnav didn't want to be and that was 'just like his father.'

But why the voice was so quiet when he kissed HER? It felt the most natural thing to do, like he was born to do that, like he was destined to be fitted into her arms. After he fled from her room, he sat on the garden bench for hours.

There Arnav had realized, he had irreversibly fallen in love with her. And she had finally quieted the voice in his head.

But instantly another voice appeared that sounded more like his since that day and they had a serious conversation with each other on the evening of Holi two years ago, sitting on that particular bench.

'what have you done, Arnav? you've proved your nani right. tumne jis thali main khaya usmehi ched kiya. What will Mahindar chacchu and roma chachi will say? How could you do that to their daughter? How could you tarnish her reputation like that? Is this how you repay them for all the love and care, they've bestowed upon you, when nobody was there for you? And Aman, what will you say to him? '

Arnav clutched his head with both hands, resting his elbows on his knees. he felt like screaming. He argued with himself for a long time. He succeeded in almost quietening the voice, when it murmured, very faintly.

'You can marry her'

'And what can I give her?.' Now it was Arnav's turn to contradict 'I have nothing, no house, no money, no reputation, no family and what made you think that Chachu and Chachi would want to marry off their beloved daughter to a nobody like me'. A pressure bloomed in his chest. With every breath he took, it increased. 'And what made you think that she would want to marry me?'

'She loves you, isn't it obvious? '

His vision blurred 'Have you forgotten that she was drunk? and I took advantage of her drunken state.' The silence that followed was suffocating, and his mind raced back to that moment, the memory haunting him. He remembered the way she had returned the kiss, her eyes fluttering shut just before their lips met. He remembered the vulnerability in her gaze, the way she had leaned into him as if seeking something more. 'She may have developed a silly little crush.' He whispered to himself, the words barely convincing even in his mind. An invisible rope tightened around his throat, 'it's temporary.' he told himself, desperately wanting to believe it, 'it will go away with time.'

'Bullshit' the voice whispered.

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@arshifiesta @featheredclover @phuljari @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @chutkiandchotte

[biggerbetterbat]

WITH YOU [40] BLESS ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED...

Daryl Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

Summary: Charlie reflects on her life as she feels worse with every day. She decides to confess her sins to Hershel so she could get rid of the guilt.

Warnings: death, killing Walkers

Song: lovely billie eilish

Words: 1,609

A/N: We’re half way through season 4! Thank you so much for the love and interest you give to this ff, and I thank you for every comment.

Enjoy!!

"You okay to take over?" Hershel asked Sasha to push and help the guy on the bed breathe. Sasha looked horrible, and Charlie supposed she looked just as bad. The virus was slowly killing them, that was the truth. Even though, Hershel didn't want to accept that, Charlie knew that. It could be her last days. "Every five to six seconds, squeeze. You start feeling lightheaded, grab somebody else to take over," he said and then turned to Charlie. "You want to help me go on my rounds?"

"Sure," she nodded and stood up. "How long will that keep him alive?"

"Just as long as we're willing to do it. As long as it takes."

The worst part about being sick wasn't the cough or weakness but being surrounded by death. People that were in that cell block were basically Walkers already and it was very depressing. There were children in there, too. Lizzie was one of the girls names. She was separated from her sister, her father died recently, and Reed knew that Carol was the one taking care of her. The girl was asking her when Carol will be back from the run, but she couldn't tell her as she was locked here before Rick and her came back.

Charlie just hoped that she would be dead fast enough so she wouldn't see the innocent creatures deaths.

She promised Hershel not to think about it, but every day spent in the separation was driving her to a conclusion that death was the only way to be free. Her dreams were pushing her over the edge, so she didn't have a relief even at night. The virus was weakening her, she was tired with every that already happened and thoughts about what would happen in the future wasn't filling her with optimism.

What didn't help was a dead body that they stood over.

"You haven't had to do this yet, have you?" Charlie asked, squeezing a knife.

"There was one last night," Hershel said, squeezing a Bible as he wanted to pray before killing a man. "Sasha did it. People don't need to see it. I don't want them to."

Grunting.

She looked down and was met with empty eyes of a monster. Without a blink, without a fear, without a doubt she stabbed it in the skull, killing what once was a human. Charlie looked up at Hershel and sighed. That was what she meant when she said she was tired.

"Charlie," Glenn gasped and touched the glass that was separating them. She saw in his eyes what she knew for some time now - she was a dead man.

"It's fine," she said.

"Fine?! What part of this is fine?" he asked. "Do you feel good? Is it getting better?"

"No."

He tightened his hand into fists as he was leaning on the glass. It was hard for both of them, but they had to face the truth. "It's better outside. You'll see soon. There's no buildups lately. Carl is fine, he can't wait to see you."

"Good. That's good. Tell him I miss him," she nodded her head. "Is Daryl back?" she asked. She wanted to see him before she dies and every part wished he would come here today. But she saw Glenn's head shaking as a sign of no, and her heart dropped a little in disappointment.

"Don't worry," he said. "He will be. And you will be out soon, too."

"What if I won't?" her voice trembled.

"Don't say it."

"Glenn," she choked and her eyes covered in tears. "I'm dying."

"You're not dying!" he screamed in rage. "You will be fine!" he hit the glass. Her lips trebled and his nervous attitude softened. "You can't die. You promised to be with me when my baby will be born."

"I know."

Charlie was scared. For the longest time she was thinking about death, especially when she was thinking about her brothers or parents. She lived for so long without them, but now when she had a vision that they were dead or worse - one of those creatures it was tearing her heart apart. She deserved to die, she should die as a punishment. But now when she actually had the vision of being dead she was scared. She wanted to live.

She started crying and leaned on the glass, and Glenn felt how his heart was breaking for her. He wanted to hug her and make her feel better, but he couldn't.

"Hershel," Charlie called the man's name and he looked up from his patient. She waited for him to finish his task and then he approached her.

"Something happened?"

"Can we tak?"

"Sure."

"No..." she swallowed her salvia. "I want to make a confession."

She was never a person that attended mess or prayed a lot. That's why it was so awkward right now with the man looking at her expecting. However, she had to do that. Conversation with Glenn just proved that she was closer to dying than living. "We don't have to do that."

"We do," she nodded. "If I'm about to die...I want to do this with a clean heart and heart. But I don't know where to start," she said and looked down, scrubbing her hand against one another, feeling blood on them - when in fact, they were clean.

"Something is bothering you," Hershel stated. "I could see that from the moment we had a talk in my house."

She looked up at him with tears filled eyes. "I did something bad."

"We all did."

"I killed many people," she said.

"Walkers aren't..."

"I don't mean Walkers," Charlie interrupted him and swallowed. "I was a journalist before, they sent me to Atlanta safe zone. I saw Walkers that they had locked there, I knew it wasn't safe, but nonetheless I told people that it was safe. People that died there...I killed them."

"It was your job," Hershel said. "You had no choice."

"I killed my family," she said ignoring his words. "I let them come to Atlanta, too. When I reflected it was too late and the city was overrun."

"But you wanted to warn them," Hershel still looked at her with compassion.

But she didn’t try enough to stop them. She should have just pack her stuff and go to see them, instead of waiting for them. Her mother wouldn’t want to see get so bad if she regularly saw her. If Charlie was smart enough she would never look at her job, she would leave it to see her family. Maybe then she would be with them…

"I let Dale die."

It was a bomb that Hershel didn't expect. His eyes went wide and no words left his lips, even though, they were parted.

She swallowed a lump.

Dale dying seemed so far away now. So many things happened since then and yet she still remembered it in details. Dead Dale, with all his guts out was hunting her at night sometimes. His bloody hands were reaching for her sometimes, other times he was choking her with them, and other times he was turning into a Walker, and consequently killing her.

"I watched the Walker approaching him. I saw how he struggled and I let him," she confessed. "I couldn't help him not because I was too far. I couldn't help him because I spent too much time thinking whether or not I should help him."

"But why?" he finally asked.

"Because he knew how horrible person I am," she said. "He knew the truth and I knew that if those people ever found out...they would hate me."

Puzzles in Hershel's head started to match and created a picture. "They're your redemption. That's why you couldn't accept Lori's death."

"I'm a bad person," she whispered.

"I said it once Charlie, and I will say it again," he said. "We all make mistakes. That's how we learn."

"Is killing so many people still a lesson?" she asked.

"You never know what God's plan is," he said and squeezed her hand. His eyes were still warm and overflowing with compassion. He didn't look at her with disgust or loath, and it didn't make her feel better. "And you should tell them the truth. You're so young Charlie. It's okay for you to just...not knowing."

"Is He going to forgive me?" she asked. "Are they going to forgive me?"

"I was an alcoholic," Hershel confessed. "The perfect family you saw on the farm...It wasn't like that all the time. I did bad things, too, but the important thing is that I found my way back," he said. "He forgives everything, that's why His love is so beautiful," Hershel said. "And those people are your family."

Charlie nodded her head, forgetting for a moment that she's going to die soon.

"Now rest," he said, getting up. "You need rest."

She didn’t deserved the kindness she was receiving and it was killing her more than the virus. All her life she was thinking about herself, she was cold, abrasive, and empty for people dear to her. Now, all those strangers showed her nothing but kindness and expected nothing in return. It was her hell.

Henry stopped breathing and she didn't know how long ago. Once Hershel left her alone, she decided to do as he said and fell asleep. Charlie forgot that she was in a room with a bomb ready to explode, too focused on her internal struggle- once again.

She coughed and felt a warm liquid on it.

She saw that Henry was getting up.

She called for help, but it never came.

Darkness.

previous masterlist next

[hyouta]

I watched χ, Back Cover, Union χ and then played 0.2

Hoo boy...

The plot of Kingdom Hearts isn't super duper complicated, no, what's complicated is the rebranding on Union χ, I completely blanked on there being Unchained, which became UX...

♥

I got mixed results on whether or not I should've watched or skipped χ chi but because it was on a suggested play order list I watched it over the New Year. My KH notes (that I started writing separately since re:coded) went from 2.5 pages to 11 pages alone. To be honest it was necessary for me to consume the information in this format. Disney world visits were alright but after the first hour I ended up playing the video at x1.5 speed to get through it slightly faster.

I got hooked right after finishing Agrabah. Ooooh what a lot to take in... I admit it's still a bit confusing to follow with it being dependant on what union you pick but I'm invested. I know who Luxu is from KH3 spoilers but that only makes me more curious.

I'm not going to write out 9 pages of notes, especially since it's just me describing what was happening, but:

I honestly don't know what to make of Cloud. My knowledge of him is limited to KH and Advent Children but damn he "really was gonna kill the Player and then went off to look for 'some guy' in the underworld (sephiroth? I assume? Never played FF7)"; it was sephiroth lol

I think that's the problem with not having played FF (or watched Tron), I ain't got a scooby doo what is going on or what anyone's motivations are

Mr "I'm so aloof" lol

My genuine surprise over Chirithy being a dream eater lol I don't know I just didn't expect a talking one, it seems so unique to the rest; though Riku talks so what am I saying.

♥

And OK... SO back cover was nice to fill in the blanks re: foreteller stuff and it gave me better clarification for one of my notes which was confusion on whose role was whose because it made it seem like it was dependant on the player (but not really?) - side note, been a while but I'm pretty sure I picked Union Ursus, he's a bit of a hard head but I couldn't help but feel bad for him anyway...

Some notes I made on back cover:

I can't read the text in this opening sequence it's too fast hold up

"Among us" I hate this I hate this, I haven't even played that game but that's all I could think of!!

Shaking chirithy in the vial like a shaker charm

Didn't expect Ava to be so young, or sound so young... Master and Luxu surprised me too

"Invi sort of reminds me of Aqua" whatever the fuck that means, I've already forgot

I had limited info on the Master but they were wayyy different than I expected

Lost page talks about "the one who bears the sigil" umm??

Concluded that χ chi wasn't really necessary... I thought it more for the Player context (the bangles and nightmare Chirithy).

♥

A bit naughty to break the order but because I already had the PS4 on I played 0.2 and cleared it in 3 hours. Honestly both this and BBS might be the most replayable games in the series for how easy to take in they are (for rpgs).

Didn't have a ton of things to say but:

PLEASED TO SAY I DIDN'T GET MOTION SICK!!

So... Mickey didn't know Aqua was in the dark world until KH1, where did the whole 10 years thing come from then?

Cute outfits for a dark game, Aqua can have a little bit of cutesy fun, as a treat

I'm telling my kids this is Layers of Fear

I can't remember if I've said this before but even though KH is a jrpg I wish it had more puzzles and platforming

Same with BBS I literally put my face in my hands and grieved for Aqua noooooooo;;

♥

I started the fandubbed version of UX and realised that every part, in part 1, I had already covered so I skipped this (no idea if anything was rewritten).

This dub skipped the Disney worlds so there's only a few things I'm missing out on I suppose, but not the end of the world if it's not super plot heavy. I might look for them after I finished the series.

More notes:

I knew Ven and Lauriam were in UX but I didn't know anything about their roles so I got excited to see them announced as dandelions and the new union leaders*

The twist of Ven not actually being the original choice was cool but man my heart hurts for him

Them talking about a fictional universe within a fictional universe gives me major brain ache but with the context we have for KH4 I am interested in seeing where it leads

Cause I do not really understand the Master's/Luxu's intention or role and I think that's the point but I don't quite understand their characters yet...

Honestly feel so so bad for the Player(s), KH is nothing but pain...

Since I watched UX dubbed I got to work on some wips, but then I got tired of pausing to open my notes app and just started writing in a new canvas.

Turns out the most confusing part of KH for me (along with UX branding) is the Disney worlds and their place in time.

(The song I linked to from my playlist, if anyone cares. It's basically how I feel consuming so much information)

Got me out here feeling like Sora.

The age of fairytales has me asking so many questions... lore related and questions wondering how our present cast will fit into the advancing story.

Me: I want everyone to get to rest and live their lives!

Also me: ok but give me more story of them anyway.

♥

I'm finally onto KH3! It might take me longer to get through due to how much I can play it but I'm hoping to finish the series by the end of January (I've played MoM up to the final part with new story and I will watch Dark Road afterwards of course).

Excited to actually start waiting for KH4 with the rest of you lol.

[siravalondulac]

ix. the father

meet me in the dark, kiss me in the moonlight

asoiaf ff | jon snow x fem!oc

summary: jon works in the stables and sees a side of elle that should have stayed hidden word count: 1619 warnings: slutshaming, detailed threats of death

masterlist

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Jon was certain that he would never get used to the smell of horse shit, no matter how long he was forced to work in the stables.

He tried not to let his discomfort show. Especially because Elle, who had been working in the stables for an even shorter time than him, seemed absolutely unaffected by her environment.

Even though he tried, Jon couldn't keep his eyes from flicking towards her every now and then. It did not distract him from his work, he would tell anyone who asked him - not that they did, too caught up with complaining.

"How come you get to tend to the horses,” Halder said to Elle, "while we have to dig around in shit?”

For some reason, after brushing out the horse’s mane, Elle had braided a strand of its hair.

Elle smirked. "Perhaps because I am not a criminal and therefore get to choose my work.”

Almost instantly after she said it, her eyes crossed with his, and her gaze softened, looking almost apologetically. Elle wasn't the only one who had noticed, apparently.

“Jon here's not a criminal either,” Grenn said from the back of the stables.

Jon could see Elle trying to say something, perhaps to apologise or explain herself, but he decided to butt in before her.

“No, it is true, I have committed the worst crime of them all,” he said in a theatrical voice. “I, as a Stark, dared to have curly hair."

A general sense of confusion could be seen on everyone's faces, but soon they all burst out into thunderous laughter - even Elle.

"Aye, and dared to be prettier than all his sisters too," Pyp exclaimed while lazily punching him in the back.

Jon, however, looked over to Elle. She was still laughing, though her eyes had never left him. He nodded and smiled encouragingly, hoping it would calm her nerves about her previous statement.

She smiled in response, and Jon knew it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Elle had started combing down the next horse, a black stallion, when suddenly Ser Alliser appeared in the doorway. If there had been remnants of laughter left, it died down now.

"Elle," he spoke loudly into the room.

Said girl stretched her head out of the horsebox. "Yes?"

"Can you come with me? I have need of you."

"I will finish brushing down this horse and then I shall be right with you."

Why was Elle so courteous with Thorne?

The man looked around the room before gruffing out a "Fine" and left.

Elle appeared seemingly unaware of the stares upon her, continuing on with her work.

“There's something weird about her accent,” Pyp said.

Halder huffed. “She's Dornish, what'd you expect?”

“But she doesn't sound like the Dornish I've met.”

“I don't think I wanna know what kind of Dornish you hung around.”

Jon had only listened with one ear to their conversation. He still stared at Elle, trying to make sense of her previous interaction.

He blinked and decided he'd had enough of the guesswork and walked over to her. She shot him a quick smile.

"Elle, why does Thorne tolerate you?"

This was what got her to turn towards him fully. She laid her head to the side.

"Do you know why he is here, at the Wall?"

Jon shook his head.

"During Robert's Rebellion, he fought for the crown. After King Aerys was killed, the loyalists were given the choice between bending the knee and swearing fealty to Robert Baratheon, or taking the Black. Ser Alliser chose the latter."

"What does that have to do with you?"

"I am a Martell. Princess Elia was my aunt and my father tried to raise an army for Viserys Targaryen. He must have put two and two together and concluded that we are on the same side."

"And are you? On the same side, I mean."

"Jon, I wasn't even born yet when the Rebellion happened. It doesn't matter whether we share political opinions, simply him believing that we do makes my life far easier."

“And with me being Ned Stark's son…” He left the thought unfinished, but he knew. No matter how much he tried (he didn't) Thorne would never like him.

"Oh, would you calm down for a moment?" Elle exclaimed. The stallion had not stayed still for even a moment since she had come into his box. "I do not mean you harm."

"I'd be careful with that one," Sam said. "I heard that a few moons past he broke someone's leg."

Elle chuckled. "I wish Elia were here. She would have no problem taming this beast."

"Elia?" Jon asked, confused. How could Elle have ever met Princess Elia?

Elle immediately recognised the origin of his confusion.

"Oh, my sister, Elia. She was named after our aunt. Sometimes I think she is half horse, the way she moves on them." She furrowed her brows together. "Though I do wish that she would have let me win some of our races."

"Maybe you'd like to race against me sometime?"

Ugh, why had he said that?

Elle smiled one of the broadest smiles he had ever seen on her. "I would like that very much.”

“Maybe you would have more of a chance,” Sam joined the conversation again, “if you rode one of Lord Willas’ horses. I heard his breeds are the best of the best.”

Jon wanted to frown at Sam, but he held back. He was his friend and Elle didn't belong solely to him.

“Good, yes. But also incredibly expensive,” Elle answered. “The animals he breeds belong to kings, not bastards.”

“True.” Sam was deep in thought. “I would not be surprised if the king himself had multiple of Lord Willas’ stallions.”

Elle smirked. “Perhaps the princess used one of those to run away.”

“You should not joke about that.” Jon didn’t know all the details of the princess’ disappearance, but even he was careful around the topic.

“You Northerners are such prudes,” Elle said with a laugh. “Everyone in Dorne would have laughed at that.”

Jon would not have been surprised if the Dornish had celebrated upon learning of the tragedy that had befallen the royal family. They held no love for the Baratheon crown and-

"Oy, Snow!" Rast called from across the stables. He was leaning on his pitchfork, an ugly smirk across his face. His eyes were on Elle. "What'd ya reckon, how often did she have to let Thorne fuck her for him to be nice to her? A dozen times maybe?" Some of the men chuckled.

The heat curled up inside of Jon's stomach and slowly made its way into his entire body. Who was he to say such ugly things about his Elle? He wanted to growl, to roar, to burn him to ashes.

"Maybe that's the reason Mormont lets her stay, eh? Suppose her bed is never cold."

A hand touched his shoulder. Jon spared a glance towards Elle, and all the fire in him froze.

Jon couldn't move. He only stared at her smile, so dark and full of malice. He had never seen someone smile like this.

Her smile promised death.

He wanted to stop her, but it was too late. She was already walking towards Rast, like a predator stalking its prey. A shiver went down Jon's spine.

The others seemingly had noticed too, for a general sense of discomfort had spread amongst them. Even Rast had noticed.

He moved his arm, and within the blink of an eye Elle was onto him. Faster than anyone could move to stop her, she slammed Rast down into one of the carts, her knee burying down on his stomach and her dagger pressed to his throat.

The other men moved back in shock, some lone shouts found no echo in the room.

"Elle," Jon tried.

"What do you reckon?" she snarled. "Perhaps the reason they let me stay is because I did to them the same thing I am doing to you now."

Rast had let out a loud scream when his head hit the shit in the cart. Now he just lay whimpering beneath her.

"Or perhaps I held them over the edge of the Wall, let them see beyond the horizon and all the way into the Lands of Always Winter. That would let anyone's blood freeze. Would you like to try?"

"Elle," Jon tried again.

"I wonder how long it would take for the entirety of your blood to leave your body. Most likely not under an hour, especially not if I only open your throat here."

Jon could almost feel her pressing the dagger further into the skin himself.

"But if I dragged you to your bed and did it there, then your bed will not remain cold for the night."

"Elle, stop!"

This time she did look up, and Jon wished she hadn't. If he didn't know any better, he would have said her eyes glowed. He took a step back.

Elle bared her teeth and let her tongue run over them. Then she looked down again, smiling.

"It seems your life shall not end today. Truly a shame, I was so looking forward to it."

She removed her dagger and took a step back. But before Rast could move away from the cart as well, Elle kicked him in the stomach and he fell back into it.

"As a reward, you get to take care of the other horses," she told Rast. Jon knew it wasn't meant as one.

Her gaze went across the room and as their eyes met, she suddenly looked unspeakably tired. Then she smiled again and walked out of the stables.

previous | next

author's note: with this chapter and the last you should figure out who elle is pretty easily

[drunkenlyamess]

⊹₊⟡⋆ Richie Tozier multi ff

⊹₊⟡⋆ Richie Rozier x m!oc

⊹₊⟡⋆ CW- Drinking, cussing, mentions of body dysmorphia, mloc is low-key a horrible person, enemies to lovers, homophobia, bullying, smoking, questioning of sexuality, misogyny, blood, slurs.

⊹₊⟡⋆ AN- the way nobody is reading this is embarrassing, but I’m enjoying writing it so like idk. I forget how dead this fandom is.

03 ← → 05

04

SCOTTY woke up in a different position than he remembered, half off the bed, with his legs tangled awkwardly in the sheets. A blanket had been draped over him, and he was repositioned so he was lying properly on the mattress. He blinked groggily, his brain piecing together the clues. It had to be his sister's doing. Sure, they didn't openly act like they cared about each other—most of their interactions were more bickering than bonding—but moments like this reminded him that, deep down, they did. They just didn't know how to show it.

He turned over, his eyes lazily scanning the room. It was the same chaotic mess it had been yesterday, and the day before that—clothes strewn across the floor, a cluttered desk, and an empty beer bottles teetering on the edge of his nightstand. Nothing ever really changed in here, not the mess, not the faint smell of stale air.

Letting out a sigh, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, letting them dangle for a moment as he stretched. His arms reached high above his head, his back popping slightly as he yawned, the sound soft and unbothered. His gaze drifted down to his pillow, where a rusty brown stain caught his attention. Dried blood.

"Fuck," he muttered, his voice groggy and hoarse from sleep. His fingers instinctively rose to his cheek, brushing lightly over the bruise. A sharp sting shot through his face, making him wince and wrinkle his nose. The wound hadn't healed much overnight, and he figured it wouldn't for a while. He sighed again, this time with frustration. He knew people were going to comment on it, especially his sister, and it wasn't like he had the tools to deal with it.

A first-aid kit? In this house? He almost laughed at the thought. They barely had the basics most days.

Pushing himself up from the bed, Scotty's feet hit the cool floor, and he bent down, grabbing the first set of clothes he could find from the piles scattered around. A wrinkled gas station shirt and a pair of jeans would do. He slipped into them quickly, tossing yesterday's clothes onto the floor with everything else. No sense in pretending he'd suddenly start cleaning today.

Scotty stepped out of his room, greeted by the silence of an empty house. The stillness felt heavier than usual, like the place had exhaled in his absence and refused to take another breath. His sister was probably off with her loser friends again, the ones he couldn't stand. As for his mom? She was likely out with yet another guy, one of the revolving door of faces he'd long stopped trying to remember. Just thinking about it made his stomach churn. He shook the thought from his mind, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he headed for the front door.

Grabbing his scuffed sneakers from the pile by the door, he shoved them on without untying the laces. His movements were quick and automatic, as if staying in the house a second longer might suffocate him. The moment he stepped outside, the bright sunlight hit him like a slap to the face. He squinted, shielding his eyes with one hand as he rubbed at them with the other. He'd barely been awake for ten minutes, so the sudden glare made his head throb even more than it already had.

The heat was relentless. The sun beat down on him mercilessly, warming the pavement and making the air feel thick and heavy. Closing the door behind him with a soft click, he hesitated for a moment at the top of the porch steps, glancing down the street. The neighborhood was quiet, the hum of a lawnmower in the distance the only sign of life.

Letting out a slow breath, he descended the steps and started walking, his pace steady but unhurried. The drug store wasn't far—just a twenty-minute walk, give or take—but in this heat, it might as well have been an hour. The back of his shirt started to stick to him almost immediately, and he tugged at it absently, trying to let some air in.

The sidewalks were cracked and uneven, weeds poking through the gaps like stubborn reminders of neglect. Scotty kept his head down, his sneakers scuffing against the concrete as he moved. The sun hung high above him, casting long shadows from the trees lining the street. He didn't mind the walk, though. It was better than sitting at home, staring at the same peeling walls and cluttered mess, waiting for something to change that never would.

After twenty minutes of trudging under the relentless sun, Scotty finally reached the drug store. The cool air inside was a relief, but the sharp ding of the bell above the door felt like nails on a chalkboard. His head throbbed, a dull ache radiating from his bruise and deep into his skull. Lately, it seemed like everything made his head hurt—noises, light, even his own thoughts.

He instinctively patted his pocket, pulling out a crumpled dollar bill and a handful of loose change. Sucking his teeth in frustration, he stared at the pitiful amount in his hand. It wouldn't be enough for anything substantial, but maybe he could grab something small to help. Clenching the money in his fist, he looked up—only to stop dead in his tracks.

There, just a few feet away, stood his sister Jen. She was flanked by her usual friends Eddie, holding an armful of medical supplies; Bill, who seemed to be nervously glancing around; and Stanley, who was inspecting a box of bandages like it was a math problem. Scotty's stomach sank. He wasn't in the mood for this.

Jen caught sight of him almost immediately, her face twisting into a mix of annoyance and confusion. She didn't waste a second before striding toward him, her steps quick and purposeful.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped, her voice low but sharp as if she didn't want the others to hear. Before he could answer, she pushed her hand against his chest, ushering him back toward the door.

"Go wait outside in the alley," she ordered, her tone leaving no room for argument. "I'll make Eddie fix you up too."

"What—?" Scotty managed to say, his confusion evident. But before he could finish the thought, she shoved him out of the store. The bell jingled again as the door closed behind him, leaving him standing outside, staring through the glass as Jen casually rejoined her group.

Clenching his teeth, he huffed in frustration and shoved his hands into his pants pockets. He didn't want to play along with whatever this was, but the pounding in his head and the sting in his cheek convinced him otherwise.

Muttering under his breath, he made his way to the alley beside the store. It was narrow and smelled faintly of damp concrete and garbage. As he turned the corner, his eyes fell on a boy he didn't recognize, slumped against the wall. Blood streaked down the boy's stomach that stained his shirt, dripping onto the cracked pavement.

And, of course, there was Richie.

Scotty's stomach turned at the sight of the blood, and he cringed, stopping a few feet away. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked, his voice flat but edged with discomfort.

Ignoring Richie entirely, Scotty stepped closer, standing right in front of the boy. The sight made his chest tighten, but he forced himself to look. "Seriously, what happened?"

"Henry," the kid muttered, his voice weak but clear.

Scotty's face immediately twisted into a grimace at the name. Of course it was Henry. That guy was evil incarnate, a constant menace to anyone unfortunate enough to cross his path. But stabbing a kid? Even for Henry, that was a new low.

"No way. That's how Scotty here got his nasty bruise," Richie chimed in, stepping closer.

Scotty's eyes narrowed, and he shot Richie a sharp side-eye. The voice of him was enough to make Scotty's skin crawl. "I don't think I've ever seen you close your mouth," Scotty snapped, turning to face Richie fully.

They were about the same height, and Scotty stared him down, his irritation plain.

"Yeah, well, your mom says she loves the way my voice sounds," Richie quipped, his grin widening as he casually adjusted the straps on his backpack, throwing his hands up in mock innocence.

"Take that back," Scotty growled, his fists clenching at his sides. Sure, his mom wasn't perfect—far from it—but he wasn't about to let some loudmouth like Richie badmouth her. Enough people in this town already did that without him piling on.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game," Richie said with a sing-song tone, slightly laughing to himself.

Scotty's patience snapped. "You dipshit" he spat through gritted teeth as he shoved Richie hard. Richie stumbled back a few steps, his grin faltering for just a second before he regained his footing.

Without missing a beat, Richie shoved him back, the force nearly sending Scotty off balance. "What the fuck dude?" Richie said his voice rising, but the bleeding kid on the ground just sat there, wide-eyed, watching the two with a mix of confusion and mild amusement.

Before things could escalate further, the sound of hurried footsteps broke the tension.

"Scotty!" Jen's sharp voice cut through the alley like a whip.

Scotty barely had time to react before his sister grabbed his arm, pulling him away from Richie. Her grip was firm, her expression a mix of anger and disbelief as she looked him over.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you drunk?" she snapped, her voice dripping with accusation.

Scotty's mouth opened slightly in shock, his brows furrowing as he stared at her. Of course, he was the one getting yelled at. Not Richie, who had been running his mouth. Not the kid bleeding out in the alley. It had to be him. And, of course, the first conclusion Jen jumped to was that he had to be drunk.

His frustration boiled over. "What? Seriously? Richie said something about Mom, and I'm the one who's on something?"

Jen didn't back down. Her eyes narrowed, her lips tightening as she stood her ground. "Oh, so you think fighting in some dirty alley is the solution? God, Scotty, grow up!"

Scotty shook his head, anger flaring in his chest. Jen always sided with Richie. It didn't matter what the situation was—she'd find a way to defend him. Richie could start World War III, and Jen would still stand there making excuses for him.

"You always take his side," Scotty snapped, his voice rising. "You don't even care what he said!"

"Maybe because Richie is actually enjoyable to be around!" Jen shot back, her face flushed with anger.

Richie, standing a few steps away, watched the exchange with an awkward look, a little bit like he regretted his choice but he quickly looked at Eddie who started to fix up the kid.

"Whatever," Scotty mumbled under his breath, though it felt like a knife had been driven straight into his chest. He knew he wasn't the most likable person—he'd long since come to terms with that—but hearing it out loud, spilling from his sister's mouth, made it sting in a way he hadn't expected. His gut churned as he fixed her with a sharp stare, his jaw tightening, lips pressing into a thin line. She let go of his arm without a second thought, taking a few steps back toward the group, as if nothing had happened.

Scotty stood frozen, his mind clouded with static. The chatter around him grew muffled, the words meaningless noise as he remained rooted in place. He could see them—Richie and Eddie, locked in their usual back-and-forth. Richie was teasing Eddie, as always, while Eddie busied himself patching Ben up. Scotty's gaze drifted over them like they were part of some distant scene he wasn't meant to belong to, which he truly didn't he was meant to be with his friends.

A breeze swept past, cool and fleeting, snapping him back to the present. His eyes shifted, landing on Beverly. Instantly, his brow furrowed, lips curling into a subtle scowl. There was something about her he didn't like, a feeling that had only grown the more he heard. Tina's shit talking she did every school morning echoed in his mind—rumors, accusations, a swirl of stories that painted Beverly in an unflattering light. He didn't know if they were true, but they were enough to sour his perception.

"Are you okay? That looks like it hurts," Beverly said, she stood next to bill as her gaze looked down inspecting Ben's injury. Her voice was soft, almost gentle, as her eyes flicked to Eddie, who was diligently working on Ben's wound.

Ben shook his head quickly, brushing it off. "Oh, no, I'm good. I just... fell." The strain in his voice betrayed him, though, his face contorted with pain despite his words. Scotty didn't miss the way Ben's eyes lingered on Beverly, his admiration painfully obvious.

"Yeah, right into Henry Bowers," Richie cut in, his tone unusually serious. For once, there wasn't a hint of humor in his voice.

"Shut it, Richie," Bill snapped, though his stutter stumbled through the words, giving away his frustration. His eyes looking over at Richie.

"Why? It's the truth," Richie said, his tone the same as he threw his hands up in defense. Ben eyes stayed on Beverly as he shrugged slightly, his expression unreadable.

"You sure they got the right stuff to fix you up?" Beverly asked, ignoring Richie entirely. Her attention shifted back to Ben, her lips curving into a soft smile. Ben, clearly smitten, smiled shyly in return, his cheeks tinged pink. She stepped forward, closing the space between them by a few paces, with Bill instinctively following her lead.

"You know, we'll take care of him," Bill assured her, his voice steady despite the hint of awkwardness in his tone. "Uh, thanks again, Beverly." His eyes were locked on hers, unwavering, as though the rest of the world had disappeared.

"Sure. Maybe I'll see you around," Beverly replied, her smile widening as she glanced at him. There was a flicker of warmth in her gaze, one that Bill seemed to latch onto.

"Yeah, um, we were thinking about going to the quarry tomorrow, if you wanna come," Bill offered, his usual stutter weaving into his words. His head shifted slightly, as though to gauge the group's reaction, but his eyes quickly darted back to Beverly. In front of him, Richie and Ben looked at Bill with wide-eyed glance, both taken aback by Bill's invitation. It wasn't like him to invite girls—besides Jen.

"Good to know. Thanks," Beverly said with a light laugh, lifting a hand in a casual wave toward Ben before turning to leave. As she walked away, her footsteps light and unhurried, she passed Scotty. He stood a few feet from the group, lingering near the alley's entrance. His scowl deepened as she approached, his gaze cold and unyielding. Beverly caught his glare but gave no indication it bothered her, continuing on without so much as a second glance.

"Nice going, bringing up Bowers in front of her," Stanley muttered, cutting through the awkward silence that followed. His sharp gaze shifted to Richie, who didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

"Yeah, dude, you heard what they say about her," Eddie chimed in, standing next to Richie with an irritated glance. He kept his voice low, as though reluctant to voice the rumor aloud.

"What'd she do?" Ben's voice broke through, his confusion evident as he glanced between the others.

"More like, who'd she do," Richie replied, his face splitting into a wicked grin. He ran a hand over his groin theatrically, leaning into the moment. "From what I hear, the list is longer than my wang."

"That's not saying much," Stanley deadpanned. Their collective attention shifted back to Scotty, standing apart from them. The unspoken weight of the rumors hung in the air. Everyone knew Scotty's name had been tied to Beverly's in whispers, and the tension was palpable.

"They're just rumors," Bill said firmly, though his voice wavered slightly. His flushed face betrayed him; it was clear he wasn't as indifferent to Beverly as he tried to appear.

"Yeah, and you're making it worse believing everything you hear," Jen snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. Her gaze flicked to Scotty briefly, the memory of that particular rumor flashing in her mind. She could still recall the nights she'd heard crashes from his room, the angry curses that followed. Whatever the truth, it had left its mark on him.

"Anyway," Richie interjected, his voice cutting through the tension, "Bill had her back in third grade." His tone turned sing-song as he leaned down toward Ben. "They kissed in the school play."

Ben turned to Bill with wide eyes, while Stanley smiled at Bill knowingly at the memory.

"The reviews said you can't fake that kind of passion," Richie added with a dramatic hum, straightening up. The tension in the group shifted.

"Now, pip-pip and tally-ho, my good fellows!" Richie declared, adopting an over-the-top British accent that made Scotty visibly cringe. He clapped his hands together loudly. "I do believe this chap requires our utmost attention."

"Get in there, Dr. K. Come on, fix him up," Richie urged, giving Eddie a light push toward Ben.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up, Einstein," Eddie snapped, glaring at Richie as he knelt back down to tend to Ben's wound. "Because I do know what I'm doing, and I don't need you doing the British guy thing with me right now."

"Suck the wound! Get in there!" Richie pressed on, his accent growing more absurd. Eddie ignored him, muttering under his breath.

Scotty stood at the edge of the group, his chest heavy and his jaw clenched. The ache in his cheek reminded him he should ask for help—should at least let Eddie take a look—but the thought of sticking around made his stomach churn. He didn't want their pity, didn't want their half-hearted concern. What he really wanted was to leave, to disappear from the awkwardness suffocating him.

So, that's what he did. With a sharp turn on his heel, he slipped away, his movements deliberate but quiet. His boots scuffed lightly against the pavement as he shifted his weight, weaving his way out of the alley. His head remained low, his shoulders hunched, like he was trying to make himself smaller.

But Jen did. Her sharp eyes flicked to him almost instinctively, tracking his retreat. For a moment, she considered calling out, but something in the stiff set of his shoulders made her hesitate. Her mouth tightened into a thin line, and she glanced back to the others, her expression unreadable.

Richie noticed too, though Scotty wouldn't have known it. The boy's joking demeanor faltered for just a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly as he caught sight of Scotty's retreating figure in the corner of his vision. Richie didn't say anything—didn't call out or make one of his usual quips—but the gears in his mind were turning. His gaze lingered on Scotty's back as he disappeared into the dim light beyond the alley.

Unaware he'd been spotted, Scotty's footsteps quickened as he hit the main street. The noise of the town—cars rumbling by, faint chatter from distant passersby—drowned out the sounds of the group behind him. All he could hear now was the steady thud of his own shoes and the hammering of his heart. His scowl deepened as he shoved his hands into his pockets, the hot in the clinging to his skin.

03 ← → 05