#i kinda want to get indian food by myself one day if i ever have money for it

[iantimony]

shabbosposting take 2

one day late, bonus edition: 2022 recap + 2023 goals

listening: I made a playlist of hebrew/yiddish metal and prog so that's been a highlight recently, I really like orphaned land so far

edit: i also have free bird stuck in my head bc we did fake karaoke in my friend's basement on new years eve and my bf put it on and now It Will Not Leave

reading: nothing to be honest ... oops ...

watching: finished Bocchi the rock, extremely charming, sparked joy. I've been rewatching hbomberguy video essays because they are reliable and good to have on in the background

playing: a little more hadesgame, Thinking about disco elysium and w101 but I haven't actually done it

making: I did do some embroidery! unfortunately I was. Very optimistic about how much I would get done over break. I brought it home with me with the intention that I could mail it from here but I am going to definitely have to bring it back with me lol

BONUS: what delights have I experienced?

walking around: kinda minor still, mostly just walking the dog

fellowship: part of why I am Very tired is because I have completely filled my schedule with seeing friends :") so I have really had no time to myself at all which is kinda overwhelming. but it's been really good to see everybody! I just wish I had a little more time to fit everything in and not feel so crammed

deliciousness: did a christmas day brunch at ceruleanvulpine's, super delicious spread with eggs, french toast, bagels, sausage, little cookies...dinner at the bf's place after, lamb and kebab and pesto pasta and just kind of a fun mishmash of different style foods...indian food at a friend's place new years eve...and then new years day brunch yesterday with cold cuts and I made my favorite orzo salad. I made myself a BANGIN sandwich today with the leftovers it was great

goofing, transcendence, amelioration, enthrallment, wildcard n/a

---

general reflection

2022 was kind of a weird and bad year! I spent most of the first half of 2022 dealing with the fallout of Dead Parent Zone, got a bad enough grade in a class that for the first time ever I had to retake it, and grappling with being so far from home for school while also dealing with all that shit. then I took on way too many obligations for the fall semester and shot my mental health in the foot a bit as a result.

there were some good things too, though - I was nervous about how a long-distance relationship would go but it's honestly going so, so well and he's been a real source of joy for me this past year. I did pass my classes even though it was a struggle so I don't have to retake anything again, and I already planned to do less next semester. despite it all I did finish a little art, and I got back into life drawing, and had a lot of good moments with friends. in general I think graduate school has been a good choice for me so far, and as much as I bitch and moan about indiana it's like, Fine,

but actually the people are really good, I have a great support network, and ultimately I think it'll continue to be good. it's really made me appreciate the east coast LOL

2023

as ceruleanvulpine said in their resolutionpost, I wanna make more weird art! in general I want to create more and fill the enthrallment, amelioration, and transcendence delight categories more often. I want to finish this embroidery project (ideally soon), the knitted tank top I did that just needs the straps, scarf for my SO...I'd love to start writing again and play more horn but we'll see

I also wanna listen to more weird music, and invest in actually owning some files, especially for some of the lesser-known bands and through bandcamp and stuff

this past year I definitely fell back into some of my more unhealthy coping mechanisms just to deal with the day-to-day (specifically extreme dissociation), I really want to kind of dial those back again, focus more on existing in Reality and more in each moment, which hopefully will also help with some of the skin picking and other anxious habits that resurfaced. maybe more yoga, maybe re-establishing a meditation process, idk yet but I'll work towards it

I would love to think more about my fashion and how I present myself too, and work on making and tailoring more of my clothing in general

I've been pretty good about being active so I'd like to keep that up, I still can't do a pull-up but maybe this is the year! (lol) I should also start doing some minor exercises for my shitty arthritis toes to keep those okay

a lot of last year was kind of a wash regarding research so I'm really looking forward to refocusing on that and really getting things moving.

finally! I want to get back to tabletop! I miss doing it so much! it fell by the wayside for me because of how busy and overwhelmed I was, especially this past fall semester, but I want to start running and playing games with my pals again.

maybe Too Many things listed here, a little ambitious, but maybe that way I'll be able to hit at least one or two of them :b here's to 2023 and making it better than 2022!

[aesrexic]

𝓭𝓪𝔂 155 𝓸𝓯 2024: rain

When I woke up, I was hungry as hell and I ate two pizza slices, a polvoron, a cup of banana chips and some water. I was tempted to reach for the coke but I was too lazy to do so. Yay me, I guess? This meal made me realize I've been spiking my blood glucose and for some reason I did not feel guilty at all. I calmed down, told myself that its not a bad day and suddenly I got cravings for cucumber salad, the korean version. I haven't even tried eating that shit at all. I don't know what it tastes like, but I just made some with one and a half cucumbers. I did not have sesame seeds or chili powder so I just made do with the stuff I had at home.

tried the accordion cut. I was surprised that it worked.

It was kinda raining so I didn't get to run today. However, I did do the 30 minute Move With Nicole intermediate exercise as a supplementary one. It's been days since I last did pilates and I really felt it in my thighs. I then took a quick shower dancing to arabic songs and did simple makeup. Off to work I go.

Ever since I've been working out, my mind seems a bit clear. I do get food noise still (I mean, I've had it for years, it wouldn't magically go away) but nowadays I'm just able to stare at the sky with no thought in mind. The urge to doom-scroll has been a lot less too. Boyfriend is quite busy so I'm typing here to update him with what's been going on while he's busy.

It's currently 7:06 and the bus is still not here. I really don't want to waste money on motor apps. Its such a waste. I've been indian sitting at the bus stop for a while now.

I had the bus all to myself for 20 minutes.

It feels so good to not commute with students LMAOOOOO

Current fixations: Still aespa, PCOS diet tips

Song: NCT127 - Gold Dust; Armageddon - Aespa

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you Mrs. Lefty eyebag Dark chocolate, Naan bread and rice dishes eater lover of pine tree smells and mother of a spoiled but probably amazing child. 😅

Yes, I had to take a deep breath to say all that, so it can make sense hahaha

That's cute, you're getting your dream house haha does it even snow in Oklahoma? Or get really cold? I bet the fire was beautiful to watch. I enjoy watching fire and hearing the crackling of the wood.

Also that's a great tradition you guys are doing, especially collecting Christmas ornaments from places. Would you ever start like a little Christmas village thing? I love the picture with the train under the tree! It is so pretty and magical looking.

Hopefully when you guys travel it won't be hectic since it is the holiday season. Imagine you guys get to CA and you bump into Elizabeth Olsen..😌

I am jealous of Emily. She gets a drum set and a bike! Hahaha are you ready for the music making she will do with the drums. One year I gave my niece a mini piano, her parents didn't want to take it home with them cause apparently it will be too noisy. I told them, that she needs it to learn how to play so she can be a famous pianist and support me when I retire hahahaha.

Hm no royal blue is a bit darker than the dodger blue I think 🤔

Reading all about indian food and sandwiches is making me hungry. I might go out to get a good sandwich from somewhere hahaha

Ok ok. What do you call a potato with gas? A tater toot. Ahahahaha🤣🤣🤣

Same same, I would fly too. After seeing pictures of what could be in the ocean, I noped myself out of being in the water.

Would you rather have an annoying high pitched voice or a deep manly voice?

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello youuu! Hahaha. Oh geez, im glad u caught ur breath back after u call my long nickname.hahaha.

Sorry i was writing then i got tired n fell asleep. I woke up n went to the store so Em can make toll house cookies from scratch after i make dinner.. n i had dinner, then baked the cookie and i just sat.

Hows ur day?

Guess what? I'm allergic to pine tree😅 i just noticed it last night n today. I never cough n sneeze that bad but last night n today i cough and wheezing pretty bad, eyes were watery. It sucks.

Well, this is really not my dream house. I want a simple house with a few extra rooms but mainly hugeee kitchen with full bar and backyard or acres of property that's big enough to have a shooting range or archery range and batting cage to hit some baseball and i want it to be located with no neighbors or a few neighbors thats not too close to my house hahaha. But not too far in country side n not too far from the downtown or the city. So it will be quite but not too much in the middle of nowhere. N i dont have to struggle to break the ice or small talk with the neighbors. 😅🤣 i told u im weird.

Sometimes it snows here. It was snowing last week but not too much but yeah it gets really cold here.. It has tornado seasons too.haha.

Yeah we like to collect them. Maybe when we have more space n em is older i will start buying the village..haha. oh i also like to collect fridge magnet from whereever we travel.

Hahha i wish.. i dont know what i would do or how i would be if i see her. I froze n speechless when i met sally and jack from nightmare before christmas in disneyland, imagine how i would be if i see her 😅🤣

One of my friend sometimes go to the fancy supermarket Lizzie always go,, so he has a chance to see her but he doesnt even know her..he thought she is one of the designer twins. I was like dude?🤦‍♀️ hahahhaha.

Haha im not ready for the noise of the drum when em gets it, but i have to tolerate that. I was in 2 bands in junior high . I played drum n guitar. I want her gets used to musical instrument, i actually hope she plays cello someday. It's one of my favorite instrument.😅 or at least classical piano.

Haha thats very sweet n nice of u to give the piano for ur niece. Imagine someday she becomes a professional pianist.

Ah okay i think i kinda know how royal blue is. Its good color.

Omg, thats sooo funny.. tater toot 🤣🤣🤣🤣 more more more!

Yeah, thats why im not really a big fan of swimming, it scares me even sometimes in swimming pool scares me.haha. i still couldnt believe that i actually snorkled a few times 😅🤣

Oh also here is the picture of my favorite chocolates. Coincidencely all 5 of them are in one same row.haha.

Also, here is another of my favorites

The lindt lindor was the one was telling u.

I would choose deep manly voice.. high pitch voice annoys me, im kinda sensitive with noise, so it will be bad if i hv a voice that bothers me.🤣

Next question?

Cheerio!

[book-tease]

just took a walk to get ice cream, (they were out of pumpkin which is literally the reason i challenged myself to do this) awful, hated it, it was only 30 minutes each ways and i got so sweaty, and there were people and i never know if i look at them or away or if that’s rude-

anyways can’t wait to try again next week lol

[pocmuzings]

hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian  ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu  indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up ! 

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians  ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so !  i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !! 

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build  character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations !  but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS: 

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel  , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc ! 

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps &  bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

��unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia +  ) 

FOOD : 

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands ! 

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh ,  sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise  !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry,  despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean ,  bitch ! )

 indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets  . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar    . examples of indian sweets that u can google  : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds 

FAMILY : 

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself . 

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! 

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again ) 

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .  

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front  . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION: 

female hindu indian formal  clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree 

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though ! 

usually , older women and married women  wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear . 

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella  ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black  ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ): 

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older  indians , ,  ur dating options  in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted  . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of  indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians  , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals  / actively are Against these backwards ideals.   i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out  . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT .  pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here . 

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or  alternatively : The Evil Eye  , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) . 

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal 

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities  that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are : 

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together !  )  

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! ) 

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri  / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )  

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra 

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM  ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM  . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker . 

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .  

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu  , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family  is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY  out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything 

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating 

indian men as sleazy 

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all 

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

 i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ? 

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi 

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! ) 

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family 

an aromantic indian 

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life 

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal 

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs 

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

[themirthfulroadrunners]

D.C. - His and Hers

Debbie’s View of Planet D.C. & Beyond:

Unlike Sparky, (read below) I am not steeped in the subjects of history and politics. When in a so dedicated place, I tend to look for other things that attract my interest, and in many cases, find bits to point and laugh at.

 As Wayne describes below, our visit to the nation’s capital/capitol was done in very unique societal circumstances which was actually fine and dandy with moi. I loved the fact that most tourists chose to stay away and await a future time when normality returns, if there even is so much as a hope for such. The fact that we could drive our car safely and efficiently into and around the Mecca of Democracy and Tourist Magnet thrilled me.

 We did, however, take a ride on the city’s Metro train. At one point, we were the only riders in our particular car. Zounds! The train was clean and felt very safe, affording us several minutes to watch our fellow man going through the paces of what was likely an ordinary day in the life (I read the news today, oh boy …). I didn’t capture any funny or blog-worthy vignettes from these rides but low-drama is desirable on subways anyway, especially in these politically-charged times.

 East Coast food disappointed both of us. Maybe we merely chose wrongly, but we awarded zero 5 star reviews. In the category of Grossest Thing EVER there is Scrapple. Feeling a bit uncharacteristically adventurous, Wayne ordered some with his breakfast at an Annapolis, MD deli (Chick & Ruth’s Delly). Myself, apparently osmosing some of the above-mentioned adventurousness, tasted one bite. My taste buds immediately sounded an alarm, sorta like the one that the robot in Lost in Space blared continuously to Will Robinson: WARNING!! DANGER!! Every part of my being wanted the hateful stuff REMOVED FROM THE AREA IMMEDIATELY. A gag SO wanted to happen, but I comported myself as a lady should when in public and the alien substance safely went down the correct cavity, followed by a long gulp of water. You’ll have to Google scrapple’s recipe, but when asked, our waitress replied that it is made from “pig.” Most everything else I tasted in this region was bland, but that beats gag-worthy, huh?

The offensive scrapple is the brown block on the upper plate. Closer plate is a ginormous crab cake.

Annapolis was, um, Claustrophobia Central, at least to me. Beautiful and historic houses, but streets about 6 inches wide with parking on BOTH SIDES had me holding my breath to somehow magically shrink our Ford Edge to Matchbox Car size in order to squeeeeeeeze through. Streets everywhere, going every which way. They’ve never heard of an urban grid, I guess, but these neighborhood houses are roughly 400 years old. Apparently, SUVs were much smaller back then.

 Delaware was a destination one day, just because, why not? We get a kid’s kick out of dipping into nearby states merely to check them off the list. So … we went there, ate lunch, went back to Maryland where we were house sitting. Sorry, nothing of interest that would fill up a paragraph.

 D.C. was heavily guarded, or at least it sure looked that way to me. Very understandable in light of January 6, but access was almost not to be had, though we did see all the pertinent exteriors and the monuments. We did enjoy a boat ride on the Potomac, past the infamous Watergate Building and a couple more sites of interest to politics/history junkies, blah blah. Not technically D.C. but we walked a bit in Arlington National Cemetery. Barricades kept us from actually seeing JFK’s grave, but we did see the eternal flame, which is kinda the bigger icon, at least to this Baby Boomer.

The Watergate Office Building

Robert E Lee’s home in the background.

Our housesit was in a tiny burg on the west coast of the Chesapeake Bay. It is very low there, just plain swampy in some areas. We had one unseasonably warm day before a storm when the humidity rivaled anything I’ve felt in Arkansas. The trees in the region are rather unimpressive in circumference, but grow to towering heights, making me fear a bit for their sturdiness during a very windy day/night. Maybe they’re slender but elastic; there was no news of massive tree loss afterwards.

That’s it for me, folks. Take it away Sparky …

 Wayne’s take on Washington D.C. –

           This was my third trip to D.C., and somewhat disappointing in that our visit was while Covid19 limits were still in place, and it followed the January 6 insurrection.

      We were restricted not only from visiting and touring the Capitol, but even from getting close enough to have truly said we were there. Thank you very much you “Big Lie’ Insurrectionists.

I can’t/won’t say that I’m proud to be an American because after all, that is just a matter of the fortunes of birth. I could just as well have been born to anyone else, anywhere else on the planet. I have done nothing American to be proud of, even if pride was a notable quality. I have voted, and I have honorably served in the United States military. So there is that.

           The Capitol building is where our elected representatives decide whether to go to war, or not, who does, or does not, get healthcare protections, who pays taxes, and who does not, whether we protect the environment, or not. This is where our representatives determine who won our democratically elected president. And thanks to the battle of January 6, democracy prevailed over autocracy. The flag above the Capitol is the one that all flags flown from every Post Office to every front porch represents. This is the flag of our nation. This is the flag of America.

           The White House has been the home of our elected leader for well over two hundred years, the virtual leader of the free world for a century. It was burned up in 1814 by the soldiers of England, our present greatest ally. Residents of the White House have ranged from the awe-inspiring to the heinous. Andrew Jackson defied the Supreme Court, refusing to comply with their ruling on the Cherokee Indians, and then compelled all Indians to forfeit their lands, despite legal treaties and in many cases total adoption of the American culture, and to remove themselves to the Oklahoma Territory. Other presidents started wars while yet others saved our country, and even the world with military involvements. Our president(s) live/lived here.

           We toured all the memorials – memorials to our national heroes, and to the servicemen who fought and died in our wars. I expect most of our true heroes remain unsung. Some might say that too many of our infamous remain unhung.

Forrest Gump’s spot

Supreme Court Building          

America Bless God

[purplesurveys]

1024

What would you say is your favorite food? Sushi. < Ahhh, this is a good one. My favorite is down to a tie: it’s either chicken curry or burgers.

What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? Dark brown. I’m not too sure what the second question is referring to but yeah, she and her eyes are both pretty.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Hi-5, omg. That show was my life in preschool and I always watched the 12 NN replay as soon as I got back home from school, back when I was still on a half-day sched. I was so hooked I remember having legit tantrums before starting Grade 1 because grade school meant full days in school and thus having to miss out on the show entirely.

Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? For sure. All my favorites are Asian (Indian, Japanese, Indonesian, Chinese, etc.) but I also enjoy Italian, Mexican, Greek etc cuisines. I generally haven’t tried African cuisines but I really, really want to.

What color is the keyboard you are currently using? The keys are black with white lettering.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? Nope, not my style.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I saw my dad cooking up something deep-fried; it was like his own version of katsu or something, or maybe it’s fish fillet? I’m not too sure what it is yet but I’m excited and will probably eat lots of it as I skipped all my meals and have only been running on coffee and vape all day - not good.

Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? Technically I still do. Haven’t used it since high school. I got it when I was 10 back in ‘08; I was envious of the kids in school who had iPods, so I asked my dad to buy me one even though I wasn’t super into music at the time. Not the best kid in the world.

When was the last time someone took your picture? Last Saturday when my package came. Apparently online deliveries now require your photo to be taken upon receiving your package and I think it’s for the seller to keep track of their transactions. I’m not a big fan of the new procedure, but it’s whatevs.

Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? Type. 

What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Gray.

Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? Neither, really. I haven’t been talking to people a lot; and when I do it’s for work, where I receive neither compliments nor insults.

Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney, or Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Can you recite the alphabet backward? [continued from last night] Slowly, but I’m sure I can finish it.

Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? We don’t do hotdogs with chili here. I generally don’t see chili much where I live and I wouldn’t call it a common dish.

Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? At first I thought it was, but I’m slowly realizing that it isn’t.

What would you say is your favorite cereal, if you even like it? Cookie Crisp is the only one I like. I don’t have cereal often.

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? It was a quick weekend getaway to Tagaytay and then Cavite, if it counts.

How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Zero.

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? Yep, especially with Andi and Angela.

Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? I was definitely one in early grade school, and again in Grade 6 when both my closest friends migrated in a span of six months, and I spent nearly all my lunch periods alone. Looking back on it, I’m really glad I powered through and made it here because I truly wasn’t happy at the time.

Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? I have lots of sundresses and little black dresses because I was into those for a very long time at one point. Some of them are black, obviously, but I also have dresses in blue, maroon, and olive.

Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? I never drink soda as I’ve always felt like I spend more time complaining about how drinking it feels like burning my tongue and throat than actually enjoying it.

Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Water.

How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? Just one. The walls have been white ever since we moved here 12 years ago.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? I’ll slip in front of them sometimes but I never get in trouble for it anymore.

Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Our humor together can be raunchy sometimes but I don’t think I’d ever do this. I dunno if she wants to hear I’ve had sex with a girl either.

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily? Yes.

What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? *In the last week, hearing about the typhoon’s effects in other cities didn’t feel good. This entire country is literally only getting by with donations from the private sector because the government isn’t doing shit for cities and families who got severely affected by the typhoon; it’s almost depressing to hear and read about.

Have you ever been in a car wreck? I’ve been in minor car accidents but it would be too much to call any of them car wrecks. They had all just been tiny bumps or thuds.

Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yes, my mom had my earlobes pierced when I was an infant. I don’t plan on getting any more new ones as I’m not really into piercings.

Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Nope.

What is your biggest pet peeve? When people reach out first via text/IM then even if I get back to them in 5–10 seconds, it takes them a long time to get back to me. It’s especially annoying if they classify it as urgent, I drop everything to reply quickly, then they end up disappearing. Like why?

Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? No, I like keeping a wall up. 

Would you say you’re really good at cooking and baking things? Haha no. But it’s something I want to be skilled in, definitely. I’d love to be able to make the food I usually just thirst over on the internet. I’m taking baby steps, like figuring out how to make certain sandwiches, but I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good.

How is the weather outside right this second? It’s been a little cloudy this morning but it might start to get fair seeing how I’m beginning to see the sky turn blue. I’m just hoping there won’t be too much sun, period.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No buildings as I live in a gated village. We have a number of trees around, but I wouldn’t call it ‘a lot.’

Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?’ No. I have that title, and I believe I inherited it from my great-grandmother who was a bit of a pack rat herself, as I’ve been told.

Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? Kinda. I don’t associate with one of my uncles because he has a terrible drinking issue that he never got to permanently fix. Whenever I see him at family gatherings he just smells like stale gin or whatever it is he drinks, and it just ruins the essence of family reunions for me. As recent as Christmas Day last year he drove drunk and crashed into a car with an entire family, but as always his ass got lucky because 1) no one in the family got hurt, and 2) said family let go of the lawsuit they were planning to file against him.

Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I tried watching the first episode but genuinely could not find it entertaining for the life of me. Sorry, Mila :(

If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I never really think about revisiting decades - they’re already behind, so what’s the point? As bad as the 2020s have been looking, I’m okay with staying here.

How often would you say you get sick? Once a year at most.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? I used to wish they would die, but I don’t feel that way anymore.

Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? I don’t think so.

When was the last time you watched a movie in theaters? December.

Have you ever moved to a completely different state before? We’ve moved to different regions before.

Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? No. Isn’t that part of the point of surveys?

When was the last time you told someone you love them? Thursday or Friday I think, when Andi said it to me first and I said it back. I wasn’t having a good day and they were just looking out.

Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Depends on my mood. Right now a kiss on the cheek sounds nice.

Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? This never happened to me because I had Myspace for such a short time and I never caught it at its peak. Also, how do people steal your stuff over there? That’s pretty intriguing lmao

Do you have freckles? Do you like / dislike them? I don’t have any.

Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? My biased ass would rally for Kate Winslet all the way, but some other great ones for me are Toni Collette, Emma Stone, Jodie Foster, and Natalie Portman.

How many times have you been drunk in your life? Many.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? Be confused and ask them to give me a few concrete reasons. I don’t think too highly of myself, but I know I’ve never done anything to make me deserving of hate, especially with regard to us.

Do you ever think you might be pregnant? No, it has never been a worry of mine.

When was the last time you acted really immature? The weekend.

Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? Horror. I never watch comedies and the only subtype of it that I watch is romcom.

As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? Yeah but it lasted all of five minutes until I got bored with the concept.

Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? No.

Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? I have no idea what take up means. If this also means ‘stand up for me,’ then yeah I can.

[maq-moon]

My mental illness & fandom

So this is a long time coming from me. Almost a year, really. I want to be clear up front: this isn’t a call-out post. It’s me explaining my (and possibly others’) behavior. It’s partially an apology, too. I know tumblr is like... the worst place to talk about mental health, but this is where the people I care for-- the people to whom this applies-- will see it. I’m so nervous that I’m actually shaking, but I think it has to be said. I won’t feel right until I’ve explained. So, off we go!

I’m crazy. I use that word because I have to laugh about my mental health or I’ll cry about it. There’s a laundry list of diagnoses (when I see a new doctor I ask, “Would you like them alphabetically or the order in which they were diagnosed?”), but right now we’re going to focus on two. I have PTSD (no, I won’t say why) and BPD. BPD is currently being bastardized in the media. Crime shows love to have their perp or unsub suffering from undiagnosed or unmedicated borderline. I won’t rant about how the mentally ill are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than to commit them.

The central thing with BPD is “black and white” or “all or nothing” thinking. Everything is one extreme or another; no middle ground exists. There are also attachment issues. We tend to get attached to people fast. Add the “all or nothing” to that. We could, hypothetically, meet a new person, have one or two good conversations, and think, “Wow, we’re great friends!” while the other person is thinking, “Meh, maybe I won’t answer their next text.” (This is where the media stereotype of stalkers/obsessed killers comes from).

I get this way. I’m very sociable and chatty and, if others are to be believed, downright charming *wink* I also attempt to cover my insecurities with humor. I’m incredibly insecure and want to avoid talking about a significant amount of my life, so I joke a lot. I’m generally positive with everyone I meet. Why shouldn’t this new person want to be my friend?

Because of me. Because of PTSD. As much as I get attached, as much as I want this new friend, I can’t trust them. As soon as a conversation turns serious, I get uncomfortable and push new people away. Sometimes friends will physically push the new people away for me if they see I’m in distress.

Which brings us to our title: fandom. Should be lots easier since it’s online, right? Nope! Have you ever heard of parasocial relationships? Most people haven’t. I learned about them when David Bowie died. A parasocial relationship is basically a one-sided relationship-- like why you’re sad when a celebrity dies. They didn’t know you, but you felt that you knew them in a way. That’s why the prefix is para. Here’s the connection. A person with borderline gets involved in fandom. Suddenly they’re surrounded by new people. Blogs, Twitter, the AO3 comment section, Discord servers-- they all serve as a way to interact with new people. And interaction means attachment.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have made actual friends in fandom. I go out of state a few times a year to visit someone from my Harry Potter roleplay days. I know it’s not impossible. But I don’t know when it’s a real relationship and when it’s parasocial.

You may be thinking that it’s like this for everyone. We’re all navigating the Internet and faceless kinda-friends. Well, yes. But I’m acutely aware of how having borderline makes me act and how it affects others. I don’t want to be that clingy weird lady. I don’t want to over-share and make people uncomfortable. So as soon as I feel a rapport building with someone online, I do what I do in real life: shut.it.down. I don’t ghost one person, I quit the Internet (all or nothing, remember?). I don’t want to give myself the opportunity to fuck up a friendship, so I stop myself from forming one. And I don’t think about how that affects the other person, because PTSD has me focused on my own well-being.

BPD and PTSD are one hell of a combo, right? Come closer, stay back! Ugh.

I asked my therapist once how to tell if the people online were my friends, if they liked me as much as I liked them. She said that a good indicator would be someone going out of their way to ask how you are or just saying “hi”. I realized my fandom friends weren’t my friends, and it was probably my fault. I quit the Internet for much of 2020 (when I wanted to come back, my computer broke. w e i r d). It’s hypocritical of me to make assumptions, though. After all, I don’t send random “hello how ya doin” messages. I keep quiet out of fear of my mental illness. I don’t know why others are quiet. I jump to the worst conclusion, though: none of them like me. And that’s me. That’s not a reflection of any community I’m in. All of my fandoms are full of lovely people. People I like, and who I wish I were brave enough to let like me.

I said way back in the first paragraph that this is a sort of apology. I’m not apologizing for having mental illnesses. Genetics and experiences did that and I stopped being ashamed a long time ago. I do want to apologize to a great group of people (while being vague enough that hopefully only they know who they are?).

Last year, I feel like I invited myself to your event. It was open, obviously, and I had a great vacation around it, but I still feel like I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to. Zero blame on all of you; it was me assuming we were friends. The person I brought with me kept trying to get me to actively invite myself to things you were doing the next day. You weren’t talking to us, but she heard two of you discussing Indian food and kept pushing me to jump in; I’m not that rude. I talked to each of you for a few minutes, and then… Then I was afraid that the borderline would “kick in”. I was afraid that the only reason I had driven so far to meet you was because of borderline-induced parasocial relationships. A few weeks later, I did a fic swap but ignored everyone. I didn’t talk. I wrote, but I didn’t interact. I’m sorry for all of it. I won’t blame BPD; that’s a cop out (I have borderline, not “I’m borderline”). I was just very excited and very afraid and very insecure and even more very afraid.  

I’m used to not being liked. I’m what you would call “an odd duck” or “a special snowflake”. I’m weird, basically. But it’s one thing to be disliked for your weirdness and another to not know why you’re disliked, or even IF you’re disliked. That’s the beauty and the horror of the Internet, I guess. You can do you, but there are no boys asking you for tissues the day you’re wearing a Wonderbra. Er, an imperfect analogy. You don’t know what people really think! There’s no body language, no inflection. The only way I can think to tell if someone’s sort of my friend is if we’re mutuals. Some of my very favorite people aren’t, and I won’t pretend that doesn’t sting—but it’s me. It’s me and my idea of friendship, which is arbitrary and changeable, and it’s my brain playing tricks on me, and it’s me trying to outsmart a mental illness.

So… yeah. 1300 words on my brand of crazy. I hope maybe I cleared some things up (eleven months later). I guess if I had to tl;dr this thing, it would be that if I’m following you on a social media platform, if I go back-and-forth with you in comments, and so on, I probably want to be your friend and have been self-sabotaging. I’m not trying to put any onus on you. I’m just letting you know.

With love,

Mac        

[xxsakuragirlxx]

30 Questions

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you

are contractually obligated to know better.

I wanted to tag some christian bloggers but I'm to scared, so I'm just not gonna tag anybody. So who ever sees this and wants to do this from my blog, go right ahead lol

Thank you for tagging me @bubblegumnebulaa !

1. Name/Nickname: Nikia/ Nikki / Sakura / Saki (I call myself those last two names. For what reason? I still don't know.)

2. Gender: Female

3. Star sign: I'm not into star signs but I'll answer; Gemini

4. Height: I haven't properly checked my height for years, but I'm around 5'4 or 5'5 right now? (It's kinda sad that for a girl my age, I can't even tell my own height 😔 I would blame my family for not teaching me but it's mostly my fault for not teaching myself common sense.)

5. Time: 5:31 p.m.

6. Birthday: June 16th

7. Favorite bands: I don't really have a favorite band, I just listen to whatever music pleases me (mostly Korean or Christian music) but I will say that For KING and COUNTRY songs (they are a duo of Christian singers) slaps!

8. Favorite solo artists: Same answer as last question. I just listen to whatever music pleases me so I don't have a favorite artist. Actually, I can answer this question. It's just one artist however. His name is KB. He is a Christian Hip-hop artist. My man makes really good music.

9. Song stuck in my head: Song? Nah, it's multiple songs being stuck on repeat in my head at the same time and I can't even differentiate between any of them. But one I can say right now that I have stuck on repeat is the song "Angels We Have Heard On High" by For KING and COUNTRY.

10. Last movie I watched: I can't even remember lol

11. Last show I watched: Spongebob Squarepants ( I stay up really late at night so I keep seeing this show on repeat.)

12. When did I create this blog: According to my tumblr archive, I started this blog in May of 2016 but only became active from reblogging from others in December of the same year.

13. What do you post: Basically nothing. Sometimes something, but nothing 😂. If you were to take away all my reblogs from here, my blog would be BARE.

14. Last thing googled: "How to complete food delivery quest for Genshin Impact" (If you play the game, the food event was freaking annoying to finish...)

15. Other blogs: I don't have any other blogs on here. Just other social media accounts I don't use.

16. Do I get asks: Rarely

17. Why I chose my URL: I have no idea lol. I'm not really that creative so I just put one of my OC's name with the word girl and BOOM there you go! I've been created!

18. Following: 425

19. Followers: 138 (mostly porn blogs...)

20. Average hours of sleep: Maybe around 2 to 3 hours? I said before I don't really sleep at night. So I sleep during the day and afternoon.

21. Lucky number: 7

22. Instruments: I play piano as of right now. Use to play the flute back when I was in band. I don't play constantly because I'm... kinda sad? Idk, I just have no motivation anymore to do things I love anymore. I just sleep all day, stare at my phone, and become paranoid at every sound I hear. And with everybody talking about what's gonna happen on the 21st, I just gave up. I'm tired... (Didn't mean to rant)

23. What am I wearing: The question is, what am I NOT wearing? Ok jk jk. I'm wearing my old red band T-shirt with some shorts.

24. Dream job: Don't have one. I use to love acting and took a two year acting course at school. Use to act in plays and people said I did great for a shy girl. Wanted to go to Hollywood but realize I ain't about to do the horrid shit they do there and become one of those people who get "cancelled" for having a different opinion :) Other than that, I don't care about a job. Besides, I probably won't make it to the age of getting a proper career.

25. Deam trip(s): Japan, South Korea, Guyana, Hawaii (my school has a lady who use to travel a lot before becoming teacher, so she decided to plan trips for people to sign up for if she can afford it with some company. It can only be in the United States however. I was one of the lucky ones to sign up quickly this year, because she can only take a few people, and the trip for 2021 will be going to Hawaii. I was allowed to let my mother come because I don't have friends really so hopefully, June of 2021 will be the best trip my mother has ever taken.

26. Favorite foods: I have Guyanese blood in me. My whole family is from there, but decided to move to America. I'm tired of living in a state and county that has horrid food that is not healthy for us. Ok, I wouldn't say the country has bad food in general, but I live in Mississippi. The only thing I can afford is junk food because Walmart doesn't want to keep their fruits and vegetables fresh enough and my family can't afford to go to another Walmart here in the state just to make us eat healthy 😒. Ok back to my point lol. Whenever we get the chance, we eat a lot of Guyanese food or just Carribean foods in general. They taste better than America food. If my family didn't leave home, we would have access to a bunch of fruits and vegetables for FREE.

27. Nationality (with my ethnicity???): As stated before, I got Guyanese blood. My ethnicity you could say is African American, mixed with Indian and with some Portuguese( I don't freaking know honestly, I got to look more into nationality and ethnics) But I'm an American citizen because I was born during the time when my family came here. Soooooo, American? ( I'm telling you guys, me being the age I am, I got no right being this damn dumb 💀)

28. Favorite song: Like the other two questions dealing with music, whatever pleases me. But I'll just say the same thing as before "Angels We Have Heard on High" by For KING & COUNTRY.

29. Last book read: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Volume 2

30. Top three fictional universes I would like to live in: JoJo's bizarre Adventures, My Hero Academia, and Keeper of the Lost Cities. (It's a book series lol, it's really nice.)

Wowzers, that took long. Again, thank you @bubblegumnebulaa for tagging me :)

[lovemesomesurveys]

Snow or sand? I love the beach, but hate the sand. It literally gets everywhere. I love the snow, though. I wish it snowed where I live. I’ll have to go with snow.

Do you like sour candy? No. I don’t like the sourness and it irritates my mouth. 

If anyone, who did you sit with at lunch today? It’s only 5AM. I’m also not in school nor do I have a job, so I just have lunch at home either by myself in my room or with my mom in the living room or her room. That’s if I have lunch at all. 

What is the last letter of your favorite song? I couldn’t choose just one favorite song ya’ll know this.

Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? No.

Are you a clumsy person? I bang my hand and elbow a lot.

How about disorganized? My room is a bit disorganized. I never used to let it get like that, but it’s a reflection of how I feel and have felt for the past few years. I’m a mess.

Have you ever thought about being a pirate? No.

If you text, who were the last three people you texted? My dad, mom, and brother. 

Does today’s date mean anything to you? Nope.

How are you currently feeling? Tired and kinda cold. 

Last male you talked to in person? My brother.

Have you ever had a sunburn? Yeah, many times. I got them a lot as a kid cause I actually used to play outside and spent a lot of time out there. Shocking, I know. I get them when I go to the beach as well. I’ve had some really painful ones. However, they always end up turning into a tan so that’s nice. 

Do you use Firefox or Internet Explorer? Neither, I use Chrome.

Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No.

Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? I’m not a fan of lemonade.

Chocolate or strawberry milk? Strawberry.

Does it annoy you when people answer surveys with “idk”? I know I say “I don’t know” a lot. I try to answer the questions and in more detail, but sometimes I really just don’t know.

What is the current time? 5:08AM.

Should you be doing something other than this? Probably try to go to sleep, but that just wouldn’t be me now would it.

When is the last time you did laundry? My laundry just got gone last night.

What volume is the ringer on your phone? It’s all the way up. 

Have you ever won a contest on the radio? No.

What shirt did you wear to bed last night? It was my Mario Bros shirt.

Where did you get that shirt? I got it from Hot Topic a couple years ago.

Do you hear any music right now? No, but I hear the ASMR video I’m watching. 

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? I like some of their songs.

Overall, how was your day today? Like I said, it’s only 5 in the morning so it’s too soon to say.

Silver or gold jewelry? I like both.

In one word, how would you describe your best friend? Fabulous.

Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There’s many.

Do you have an alarm clock? Yeah, on my phone.

What was the weather like today? It’s supposed to rain today. We haven’t had much rain this winter, in fact it’s been awhile, so I hope it does. Do you often write on yourself? I don’t do that anymore, but I did when I was younger. For some reason that was like a thing a lot of people did to themselves in middle and high school. *shrug*

Is there writing on the shirt you are currently wearing? Yes. It’s a shirt from a place I vacationed at.

Would you rather be cold or hot? Cold, most definitely. I love wrapping up in a blanket, wearing a sweatshirt or hoodie, drinking hot coffee, or sitting by the fireplace. I love the coziness. Being hot is just absolutely miserable, there’s nothing I enjoy about that.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I like both.

Do mushrooms really add flavor to food? I don’t eat mushrooms. 

What about onions? Yeah. I don’t mind if there’s some chopped up pieces in some foods and I like onion rings, but I don’t like onions on my burgers or in my burritos or anything like that.

Are you a fan of Thai food? I’ve never had it.

How about Indian food? I had chicken curry once, which I did like. I couldn’t have it now though cause I can’t eat spicy food anymore. :/

Have you ever tried sushi? Yes, and it was absolutely disgusting. I feel like everyone loves sushi but me.

What is the weirdest food you have eaten? I’m super picky, so I don’t think I’ve had anything all that weird. I’m so particular about my food.

Do you know who LL Cool J is? Yes.

You have a pocket full of change - what do you do with it? Put it in my bag.

Guitarists or lead singers? Lead singers.

What does your mom say about the pictures on your Facebook? She’ll like them and leave a nice comment. 

Where are you? In my room on my chair.

do you know your mother’s birthday? Of course.

do you like texting? Over talking on the phone, yeah. I don’t do much texting, though.

would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? Could it be pitch black and not a single soul in sight??

how do you feel about the person who texted you last? I love him, he’s my dad.

do you own a pair of skinny jeans? All my jeans are skinny jeans. 

what do the majority of people in your life call you? Steph or Sis.

will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope not? Who knows when my next kiss will even be or who it will be with. 

has a book ever made you cry? Yes.

do you like to cuddle? Sure. I don’t have much cuddling experience, though.

do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? I check the time on it.

are your parents still together? Yes.

Are you missing anyone? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

What do you currently hear? An ASMR video.

Plans for tomorrow? No. I’m so sick of this question, it’s like in every survey and my answer is always the same. My life is very routine. I spend all my time at home doing the same things, especially since the pandemic. My plans now just consist of my once a month doctor appointment that I have to go to in order to get my prescription refills. 

What did you eat for lunch today? Like I mentioned a couple times now it’s only 5 in the morning.

Sex ruins relationships, right? No? It can, but that’s not a general statement. 

Where do you want to live when you’re older? My dream would be to live near the beach.

Is your life falling apart or coming together? It’s been falling apart for the past few years.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? No, I didn’t even go to bed until like 6ish.

What color is your hair? It’s dark brown naturally, but I dye it red. Currently, it is a lot of my natural hair cause my roots are quite overgrown as it’s been almost a year since I last got it done. Sigh.

Are you spending the weekend with the last person you texted? Yeah, we live together.

Do you trip a lot? No.

If someone paid you $100 would you dance in the middle of times square? No.

Do you have anyone you fully trust? Yes.

What kind of pants did you wear today? I live in leggings, that’s all I wear.

How old is your television? About two years old.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop.

When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago.

Are you currently sleepy? Yes.

Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. I’ve never even been in the situation where a significant other asked or wanted me to do that.

Have you ever had bad trust issues with someone? Yes.

What accent do you think is the most attractive? British and southern accents.

Are you hot or cold natured? Hot, unfortunately. 

Do you own any television series box sets? I have I Love Lucy and The Dick Van Dyke Show boxsets.

Have you ever been in a fight with your best friend? Yes.

When did you last receive a hug and who was it from? A couple days ago from my mom.

Do you take any advanced classes? I’m done with school.

What is your lucky number? I don’t believe in luck, but my favorite number is 8.

Do you own a book bag? If so, what color is it? No.

Was the last movie you watched a horror film? Nope.

Do you own a lot of tee shirts? Yes. My wardrobe consists of a shit ton of graphic tees.

Do you plan your outfits ahead of time? No.

Have you ever spent the night in jail? No.

Are you a colorful person or quite bland? Bland. Well, except for my hair that I dye like a cherry red. 

List one word to describe your significant other? Nonexistent.

Have you ever been so nervous you threw up? No, but definitely felt nauseous and sick and like I could throw up.

Do you remember the first survey you took? Uh, definitely not. I’ve been taking surveys since like 2004/2005.

How many friends do you have on Facebook? 100 and something. *shrug*

Have you ever watched fight videos for amusement? No. I don’t find stuff like that amusing or entertaining at all.

In high school, were you in trouble a lot? I was never in trouble in school.

Do you enjoy your hairstyle? No. I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it besides throw it up in a messy bun all the time.

Do you have long hair or short hair? My hair is long, it goes past my butt. Such a waste that I do nothing with it.

How much make up do you wear on a daily basis? None anymore. I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years.

What is your favorite television show? I have many.

Do you have a leather jacket? *Pleather, but yes.

Do you think anyone dislikes you for no reason? They probably have reason.

Do you have any children? Nooo.

Have you ever been interviewed on television before? No.

Do you have weak upper body strength? I used to have really great upper body strength as a paraplegic who only had upper body mobility and uses a manual wheelchair. When I was in school and had a social life, I was active. I didn’t spend all day, everyday in bed or at home all day doing nothing. I had toned arms before. I lost my muscle mass and now I’m weak cause I’m not active at all anymore.

What is the worst insult someone can call you? I don’t know. I say mean, hurtful things to myself all the damn time. My brain plays ‘em on a loop. 

Are you good at sketching? No. I don’t have any artistic abilities, sadly.

Do you think hugs are awkward? Yeah, they can be.

Do you think facial hair is gross? No. I’m not a big fan of a lot of facial hair, though.

Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color? I dye it red?

What color was the last cup you drank from? It’s a clear glass.

Ever play Angry Birds? Nah, I never got into that.

Did you think it was annoying, like I did? It just didn’t look like my kind of game.

Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah, many times.

What instruments do you know how to play? None anymore, but I used to play some piano back in the day. I wish I took it more seriously back then. I wish I had practiced more and kept up with it because I did enjoy it.

How late did you stay up last night? I went to bed around 6ish. And that’s AM if you’re new here.

How late do you plan on staying up tonight? Well, it’s 5:46AM now...

Whose wall did you post on last?  I share stuff to my mom’s wall sometimes.

Have you ever done hard drugs before? No. All I’ve done is weed.

Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No.

Do you own a Snuggie? I do. 

What is your favorite band of all time? Linkin Park will always be one of them.

Would you consider getting a tattoo any time soon? Nah.

Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It’s not something I’ve actively thought or worried about.

Are there any paintings on your wall? Yeah, a few giraffe ones and a couple beach ones.

Speaking of which, what color are your walls painted? White.

Do you have any talents that come naturally? No. :( I’m lame.

Do you have any piercings? Just my earlobes.

What is your favorite piece of jewelry? The ones I have with my birthstone on it.

Is there a place you'd rather live right now? Somewhere with colder weather.

Do you change your bed sheets often? Usually just like twice a month.

Do you go out often? lol.

Have you ever had plastic surgery before? No. 

Are you afraid of airplane rides? I get super anxious beforehand, but once up in the air I start to relax a bit and I’m okay. Well, unless there’s a lot of turbulence. 

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? At least once a day.

Do you consider yourself a sensitive person? Very.

What's the best Valentine's Day gift you've gotten? My mom is so sweet and has always gotten me something like candy and a stuffed animal or something, but I’ve never received anything from a guy. 

If you're reading a book, what page are you currently on? I don’t feel like checking.

Do you think people are intimidated by you? Uh, no. I can’t imagine anyone being intimidated by me.

Do you have a job you like? I don’t have a job.

Do you know how to do your own laundry? I have to have help with that. 

Have you ever lived with a roommate before? No.

Do you like candles? There’s a lot of nice smelling ones, but I’m just not a candle person. Give me a room spray instead.

Would you prefer internet or television? Internet.

What is something you lose often? Patience.

Do you have any classes with friends? I’m done with school.

Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? No. I haven’t entered any kind of contest in a really long time.

What is your favorite possession in your room? I couldn’t possibly choose one thing. I love all my stuff. What will you be doing in the next ten minutes? Finishing this survey, maybe start another, and listen to ASMR.

How old is your oldest sibling? 37.

Do you consider yourself physically active? Not at all. I explained all that in another question.

How many scarves do you own, if any at all? Zero.

Do you have any cuts or scratches as of now? Not that I know of.

Where did you last sleep? My bed, like I always do.

Do you have Netflix? Yep. 

Are you colorblind? No.

Do you know anyone personally who is colorblind? Yeah, my high school chem teacher.

Favorite salad dressing? Ranch. Unless I’m eating a Caesar salad, of course. A vinaigrette is good, too.

Do you enjoy dancing? I don’t do much dancing.

Have you ever considered writing a novel? I actually have thought about it before.

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

The Siren & The Healer (2)

Natasha Romanoff arc

Chapter 2: The Stranger

Platonic Natasha x fem!Reader, Loki x fem!Reader (soulmates?)

Theme: With cracks between the most powerful superheroes of the earth, Natasha Romanoff does not find rest when she is assigned on a mission to find the missing pieces of a puzzling power that once nearly got into the hands- rather, tentacles- of Hydra. In order to unearth the pieces, she must dig through her own past and make a decision that might decide the fate of the earth in the coming wars.

Series: Will contain violence, death, destruction, softness, fluff, smut, friendship, and whatnot

Chapter warnings: it does not have floof. or smut. or Loki.

A/N: This was written a few years ago with an OC in mind so reader has a name but it is a reader insert.

Word Count: This weird pain in my heels has not gone away and it has been six freaking months! And I keep missing making appointments! With either of the doctors! I am so mad at myself. And I am trying to take vitamins for the same and I keep missing them too! Which reminds me I should put alarms. Which reminds me I should put alarms for this. ...and I keep missing putting up those too.

MASTERLIST in bio, love

Time: 2200 hrs

Location: Vienna

The little Iron Man funko pop had been entertaining you for the last two hours when the remaining contents of Harry’s table could not. By now you were practically half lying on his table, the chair rolling to and fro while you hummed the tune to Tender’s Nadir, bobbing your head like your little friend to the rhythm. Harry’s colleague- another assistant professor in the department- had come by to collect his stuff from his desk while you waited. “Why don’t you leave and he’ll come when he can,” he had mentioned, drawing a stare of judgment from you. Leave him? What am I? A monster? I can’ just ‘leave’ him. He’s Harry, man! Shut your trap hole!

"I'm so sorry Koshu. I had to collect some assignments from the students." Harry started with loud gasps of breath before he’s even entered the room. You were kinda bummed he knew you were there. You really wanted to surprise him. Though you had to say, you loved seeing him all flustered. It was quite a rare sight for you. You always so calm and composed friend never broke a sweat no matter how hard things were. Well, the things that were hard for you were a smooth sail for Harry. Even though you’d both come here to study and research in artificial intelligence, you had just dropped out of the course after the first semester and taken to teaching minor courses and skills while learning some yourself. He, on the other hand, had been acing it ever since he got here, winning scholarships and accolades. Not to mention the hearts of all ladies and interested men. And what did Harry do about it? Be as innocently unaware about it all as your crush on him. Stupid son of a sexy goofball!

"Look at you, all red and sweaty! I bet Sammy would love to have you now." you giggled.

Harry stood beside you for a second, blank, until he realised what you meant and flushed a fresh batch of red. Yeah, exes tend to have then effect sometimes. A part of you was glad to have that woman out of the picture- that part being the whole of you. No one wants a toxic girlfriend who wants you because you’re hot and then thinks she rather not because ‘I don’t know, Harry, you’re not as outgoing as I thought my boyfriend would be.’ She should have been glad you were on another continent at that time.

"Yeah. Whatever. Hey, I have to grade these assignments so why don't you head home. I'll finish these and then come back,” Harry admitted before wiping the sweat off his forehead. Ugh! Stop it you tease! Your inner voice was really having a day.

"What? Take them home! I'll cook us some pasta or Indian if you are craving some. Get comfy and then grade these bitches."

Harry raised his brows at you.

“That was for the papers. Not for you students....who do comprise of certain stuck ups if you ask me.”

He blinked before shrugging and nodding in agreement. Hesitating for a moment, he remained quiet, the corner of his lips twitching where it met his beard.

"Yeah, I'm comfy here. You go ahead."

It was your turn to raise arch your brow at him.

"Dude! Stop it!” you lectured, raising her hands in the air. “It’s okay for you to do the laundry but it’s not okay if I cook food for the both of us? And it’s not like I’m a bad cook that you avoid eating my hard work. This is called sharing responsibilities, something, I clearly remember, you lectured me on when we first came here. And I like cooking, it’s like a stress-buster. And I make awesome Indian food and a mean Chicken Alfredo."

“...”

“I do...don’t I?”

"Yeah, that you do."

"Thank God. So come home, you twat. Pack those things and let's move. I'm hungry. Let's go before I eat your brains."

Harry smiled sheepishly at his failed attempt for a second and then beamed with happiness from within.

"Alright. Go heat up the car. I'll bring all the material with me.”

You got up with a gush of new energy flowing inside you. Taking the keys from him, you walked for the door.

“Oh! And don't leave without me okay?" He called out from behind you, making you stop, turn and give him a narrow-eyed look. Harry laughed and dodged the duster you threw at him. "Jerk," you hissed through your teeth as you started walking towards the parking lot.

It was only seven in the evening but the sky had already bid goodnight. There were barely any students on the campus. You could hear EDM being played at a distance at some frat house or in someone's dorm. Kids, you thought to yourself, as if mocking them. And then again, you thought to yourself, kids- but now with wistful faraway happiness.

There were only four cars in the parking lot. An old Camry that belonged to a history professor who took night classes. Another one was a Bentley that belonged to a highly infamous professor of Personality Development. The man taught more about himself than about personalities. You never liked that guy.

This guy creeps me out from a mile away, your insides would always remind you.

The last one was an unknown SUV that stood a few meters away from Harry's car. It did not belong to any student or staff you knew.

You took a good look at it as you crossed it and moved to Harry's second hand, Honda. If there was anything Harry and you loved in common more than food, and a bit less than animals, it was this sweet lady. One could find notes, spare T-shirts, cologne, deodorants and much more in there. It could easily be called your second home.

Both of you had spent nights sleeping through all the tipsy- after wild parties during the first year- in this baby. This one had been with you when you’d got here and did not have a dark corner to cry in. Or when you and Harry needed to run away from the buzz of the city and escape into the mountains to rest under the stars and talk about all your deepest desires, darkest secrets and nethermost questions about life and purpose. Not to mention, you’d cleaned up this baby on Harry’s first date just so this guy would get some action- which clearly didn’t happen for this terribly shy guy.  This car had been a constant in it all and had even been knighted with a name.

“Hey Bunny! Did you miss mama? How was my girl today?” 

You were about to open Bunny’s door when your eyes went back to the SUV.

Matte black. Alloy wheels, clearly not of cheap quality. Weird number plate which was not from the state and a little metallic sword that hung from the rearview mirror inside- reflecting the lights from the parking lot right into your eyes.

Something did not feel right. You stood there for a few seconds looking in the parking lot for any sign of the owner.

“It is supposed to look intimidating.”

You jumped at the voice behind you.

A man came out of the shadows of the trees. He was wearing a grey suit and a pin bent in the shape of an eye with what seemed to be a ruby in the middle.

You closed Bunny’s door and locked the vehicle, carefully placing the car keys between your fingers so as to point them away from you and put the other hand around your bag. You took two steps back into the middle of the parking lot, standing visibly under the lights.

“I’m sorry, Sir, do I know you?”

The man stepped into the light. The wrinkles on his face made him look a bit over forty but his well-fitted suit around his body made him look younger and muscular. His grey eyes looked right into yours with a hint of a smile on his thin smooth lips.

“No, ma’am. But I have heard about you.”

You stepped further back into the most lit part of the lot.

“Can I help you, sir?”

You just now noticed the restraint in your voice- into a softer, smoother version of how you normally talked. This always happened when you were intimidated by the person standing in front of you.

“I have been looking for someone who could help me with this concept that is completely out of my league. But considering the things that are at stake, I was hoping you could help me.”

You looked in his direction, confused. More than that, you were frustrated, wondering where the campus guards were.

“I am talking about healing and meditation studies. A few kids who are visiting Europe on a foreign exchange program have shown some interest in getting certified in the course. And I heard you have some sort of experience with that thing.”

The man smiled, this time, his lips extended a bit more while his eyes still stayed grey. Your entire body feel a cold jitter all at once. His eyes. There was just something unsettling about them. Like they were looking right through your clothes, skin, flesh, and bones. 

“Oh! I’m sorry sir. I taught last semester and that was that. I no longer teach or practice it. But you can find teachers for the same more capable than me in the classes going on right now. In fact, the students can directly contact them. Their information is available on the university website.”

The man tilted his head a little as if he was questioning something you just stated.

“Really? You stopped teaching the course? But why? I met some of your students and they gave me really amazing reviews regarding your teaching methods.”

You felt drops of sweat trickle down your back. For a few seconds there, all you did was just blink and feel the fierceness of your heart trying to rise up a little. Finally, you gave a weak smile before answering. “It wasn’t suitable for me. I mean the timings and the hours I had to put in. It was sort of taking a toll on my health. So I don’t do it anymore. I don’t take classes. Neither do I freelance.”

The man was silent for a second while you felt her phone in her jacket. One wrong step and you were ready to press the button of wrath.

“So you’re telling me that healing and meditation took a toll on you.”

You let out one long tired sigh. Here we go. You’d heard that phrase before, more times than you could count.

“Yes, sir”, you muttered, your voice suddenly growing tired, “it does take a toll on you if you’re not careful.”

You wanted to take a look behind you to see if Harry was approaching but did not turn for the fear of the unknown now standing in front of you.

“Careful about what?”

“The things you work on, the ailments for example, who you work with, what energy you are going to work upon slash with,'' you stressed, though stressing as little as you could on the ‘energy’ bit.

“Oh! Like if someone was, say, in an accident, you wouldn’t treat them because that might take a toll on your health. So, you’d rather that person suffer than be treated by you.”

The statement took you by surprise. You had been thinking the man was a sceptical old pervert but here he was asking you questions a healer’s heckler noob does not play with so early.

“Excuse me?” you lost your voice a little. “Sir, it’s a lot more complica—”

The man looked away from you to take out a card from his jacket and hold it out for you to take.

“Why don’t you tell me all about it tomorrow at 8:15 am? Your ride’s here so let’s continue this tomorrow. I’m sure being a healer you have a good reason to not heal someone. Even a…” he paused, his dead eyes looking straight into yours, “loved one.”

And suddenly you were not standing in the parking lot anymore. The dead eyes stayed there with you as everything around you seemed to fade into the distance. Only the eyes, your cold body sweating and a familiar old voice shouting out for you from somewhere far away were present in the void.

Keosha.

You could almost recognize that faint noise accompanying it. A fade white noise was what it seemed to be initially. A part of your mind tried to filter out where exactly where it was coming from. 

Keosha.

It grew closer but now it was somewhat different. You thought you heard someone scream somewhere in the distance.

“Keosha!” Harry shook your arm.

You jumped back into reality, nearly a feet away from Harry’s grasp.

“Hey! Daydreamer!” He called out for you, taking one careful step towards you so as not to scare you away again. “You okay? Where did you go?”

You supported yourself on Bunny. Harry noticed the slow blinks, realising you had been living through some part of your wayward imagination that was not a pleasant one. So, he did what he always did during such times. Rubbing your back to soothe you before taking you in a light embrace.

Your heart was comforted by Harry’s presence, thanking him repeatedly for being there. Your mind was all over the place, looking around you for the cause of this sudden crack inside your mind. The old man was gone.

“Sorry I just got lost in…something. Should we go? We should go.”

Your body worked on its own, getting into the car, closing the door, putting on a radio station to drown out the echo of words left behind.

[timeagainreviews]

The Doctor Shows Great Praxeus

One of the more amusing aspects of being a Doctor Who fan is fantasising about one day travelling with the Doctor. I’ve heard grown-ass adults tell me that they have thought "I kinda want to get in shape, in case the Doctor ever comes." We’ve all asked ourselves which Doctor we would most want to travel with. The next question, of course, is- "Anywhere in time and space, where do you want to go?" Usually, my response is "the future." As a trans person, I don’t much fancy a visit to the past. But lately, even the future seems a grim place to be.  Part of me wants to see the future because I want to see Star Trek in action, but part of me just wants to know if we survive.

When I heard that an episode in series twelve was going to tackle the subject of plastic pollution, my first reaction was "Autons?!" I also braced myself for a heaping dose of cringy edutainment. While it is a very clear and present danger that should be treated as such, I don’t expect Doctor Who to tackle the issue with much finesse. It’s no secret around these parts that I have questioned Doctor Who’s capacity for dealing with heavy subject matter. However, it would seem as though writer Pete McTighe has cracked the code- make it part of the story!

I’ve had Pete McTighe on my mind this week as he showed up on the "Behind the Sofa," segments in the new Seventh Doctor blu-ray boxset. (I’ve not forgotten that by the way, I do plan to cover one of the stories.) I knew McTighe was set to pen an episode this season, so I had been looking forward to that. If you’ll recall, I was a fan of his episode "Kerblam!" Some of my more anarchic friends wrote the entire episode off because the Doctor doesn’t dismantle the company at the end. So does Pete show better praxis with "Praxeus?" Let’s get into it!

The episode opens on several different locations- Peru, Madagascar, and space. We’re introduced to three groups of very different people. We’ve got Adam, an astronaut plummeting to earth in a capsule. We’ve got Gabriela and Jamila, a couple of travel bloggers forced to camp amongst rubbish. We have Jake, a cop on sabbatical who appears to be struggling with anger issues. And then we have Suki and Amaru, a couple of scientists working in a lab next to a beach where a survivor from a submarine accident is about to wash ashore.

I was concerned at that moment as I was worried they may have bitten off more than they can chew. So many new characters and settings all at once could easily become lost in the chaos. But the action is given focus by Jake learning that his husband Adam, the astronaut, has crashed. After a mysterious text from Adam, he heads to Hong Kong in search of his missing love. In a very short amount of time, there is a very strong sense of character development for Jake. This left me somewhat concerned as most of the companions have taken the backseat to secondary characters this year. It’s not been to the show’s detriment, as such, but it did leave me wondering if their solution to the problem of character development would be to ignore it completely. But here, that simply isn’t the case.

Tosin Cole is in particularly fine form as the Doctor’s man in Peru. We’ve seen each of the companions grow and take on traits of the Doctor, but Ryan shows a maturity and confidence we’ve not fully seen from him previously. When Gabriela wakes to find her friend Jamila missing, it’s Ryan that calms her. It’s Ryan who takes a sample of an infected bird. It’s Ryan that finds Jamila’s body, moments before she succumbs to a strange blight. Seeing him like this, he’s less like the boy we met on his bike, and more like a man. Even Gabriela was unable to deny just what a man he is. I’ll admit that I was just a touch envious of her getting to pat him down.

All the while, the Doctor has discovered the sailor from the submarine on the beach who suffers the same fate as Jamila. Some sort of infection seems to be taking over random people and the birds, causing skin abrasions and odd behaviour until ultimately exploding into a dry powder. It’s a grim way to die, and one of the better ones I’ve seen in Doctor Who in ages. Above the research facility, swarms of birds swoop in large groups, moving like a single organism.

Graham and Yaz intercept Jake in Hong Kong, where they find Adam, still in his spacesuit like this was the Impossible Astronaut. While unhooking him from what is clearly alien tech, they’re interrupted by gas-masked scientists with laser guns. In the scuffle, Yaz holds a piece of equipment hostage, which prompts her to believe that whatever it is, it’s valuable. Thanks to some badassery on Jake’s behalf, they manage to get Adam unhooked from the equipment and reconvene with the Doctor. However, Yaz decides to hang back along with Gabriela so they can nab that valuable device.

Now, I’d like to take a minute to talk about the way in which the Doctor and her companions are operating as a team. Not only are they keeping in touch with one another through cool little communication devices in their necks, but they’re also using the damn TARDIS! It is easily one of my biggest gripes about Doctor Who that they never use the TARDIS in interesting ways. Most writers seem content treating the TARDIS like a tram to get from point A to point B. I know that in a lot of ways the TARDIS could easily become an overpowered McGuffin, but that doesn’t mean you never use it for stuff. Allowing them to move about in the TARDIS to chase leads made a global story seem manageable.

Yaz and Gabriela’s little team-up was such a treat. Not only was I loving Gabriela as a character, but they finally gave Yaz some good stuff to do. McTighe isn’t just writing the ensemble of three companions well, he’s actually managed to build a small supporting cast of characters, each with their own individual arcs. On top of that, the Doctor’s dialogue was on point this week. Even the humour struck the right balance of eccentric and scatterbrained (or is that brainsed?)  I’m not saying he’s my current favourite writer on the show, but I may start thinking that if he keeps this up.

Yaz and Gabriela locate the device, but as they’re retrieving it, one of the masked scientists shoots at them and uses a teleportation device to escape. I loved that Yaz was willing to see where the teleport led to, as it illustrates the Doctor’s influence on her companions once more. The Doctor has always banked on the benefit of the information gained from experience as opposed to wondering. If you can get captured, perhaps it will bring you right where you need to be. Following this logic, Yaz and Gabriela find themselves within what looked like a spaceship made of rubbish. Bits of rubber and plastic adorn the walls like the inside of the Skithra ship. And oh hey, there’s the submarine!

Back at Suki and Amaru’s lab, the birds are growing in number and getting restless. Amaru keeps watch while the Doctor and co. search for a cure for Adam who is also afflicted with this Praxeus pathogen. I loved that the Doctor delegated the task of dissecting a dead bird to Ryan. It was one more thing for her companions to do, which also made logical sense. While Graham has rather a lot less to do this time around, I was really pleased by his playing nurse for Adam. The subtle nod to his history with cancer got my heart stirring a bit. By the time Graham and Jake have their little heart to heart, I was already a big ball of emotions. This is Graham doing what he does best- giving granddad advice to a confused young man.

Now, I will admit, by this point in the episode, the plot began to confuse me. But this wasn’t the usual kind of confusion where "This doesn’t make sense because it’s dumb." It was more like "This doesn’t make sense because I’m dumb." There’s a lot going on, but if you paid attention, you will be able to make sense of things. Poor Amaru gets pecked to death in what has to be the shittest job as a lookout. It’s like sitting in place waiting to see if a brush fire will advance toward you. Meanwhile, Ryan has discovered the bird he found died with a belly full of plastic.

The Doctor deduces that the pathogen is attracted to plastic and found a feast within humans who are full of microplastics from the environment. It’s a grim outlook for the 2030s, but a sober one. And it’s a very relatable concept to imagine. How many times have you seen a bird hopping along and eating anything off the ground that looks like food?  As I said, they managed to talk about plastic pollution by incorporating it into the story. As the information is important to understanding the plot, it doesn’t feel as though we’re being spoonfed information for the sake of information. We’re learning by peeling back the mystery of this episode, and it worked beautifully.

The Praxeus pathogen appears to be intelligent, which is both why it’s been so stubborn to eradicate, but also why the birds have been behaving so aggressively. If a person gets scratched by a bird, they become infected. This could also be why Jamila wandered off into the night. Just about this time, Yaz rings up to inform the Doctor where she is. We learn that the Hong Kong lab was transmitting data to two locations- somewhere in the Indian Ocean, and Madagascar. Knowing she’s been made, Suki reveals she’s not from Earth, but actually a scientist from a planet that was nearly wiped out by the Praxeus pathogen. However, it’s at this point that the birds have found their way into the lab forcing the TARDIS crew and their new friends to flee for the safety of the blue box.

The Doctor meets up with Yaz and Gabriela where they discover Yaz hasn’t actually discovered a new alien planet, but are actually deep within the Indian Ocean, the third location triangulated with Hong Kong and Madagascar. Suki’s ship has attracted a sort of vortex of junk and debris which also interferes with nearby tech like say submarines or orbiting space stations. They find the scientist they had been persuing only to discover they too were infected by the pathogen. When they removed the mask to show a face full of what looked like teeth, I yelled out "Tim Shaw!" It’s at this moment when they find Suki has teleported aboard this little garbage island.

Suki being a callous scientist willing to infect an entire planet to save her own was some mad scientist level villainy on par with the Rani. Is she the Rani? She’s the Rani, isn’t she? It’s never the Rani. As things turn out, Suki appears to also be infected, and before she can stop the Doctor from stopping her, she too succumbs to the pathogen, exploding into a powder. Adam, on the other hand, is fairing better as the Doctor’s search for a cure has yielded positive results.

The plan at this point is to allow Suki’s ship to autopilot into the atmosphere and distribute the cure across the earth, thus ridding it of this horrible blight. However, as everyone is escaping they fail to realise Jake has remained onboard. Seeing the autopilot is broken, Jake finds the perfect opportunity to show his love for his husband by sacrificing himself. However, the Doctor shows some Capaldi level TARDIS manoeuvring as she saves Jake last minute. This was a nice change in pace from series eleven which seemed to take great glee in introducing gay characters only to kill them off. The two lovebirds’ passionate kiss had my boyfriend and I saying "Awww!" and holding hands.

After last week’s wonderfully befuddling episode, I expected them to give us something tame. Episode six after a big midseason reveal seems like the perfect place to put your run of the mill filler episode. Instead, I found this to be one of the best episodes so far. The plotting and pacing were on point. The dialogue was superb and believable. Add to that some stellar performances from the entire cast, and you’ve got the makings of an instant classic. Even the side characters were lovable and interesting. Gabriela’s continuous disappointment that nobody recognises her from her vlog was an endearing bit of character work that had me saying words like "honourary companion." I know the TARDIS is a bit full, but I’d be way into more of her in some capacity.

It’s hard for me to say if I have many complaints about "Praxeus." As I said above, there were moments when the plot lost me a bit. After a brief look around the internet, I realise I’m not alone in this. Others found it a bit dense, but I am confident that over time that will subside. I did find the idea that they had to search three solar systems to find a planet as messed up as ours to be a bit heavy-handed. But that is sort of where we’re at as a planet. Writer Chuck Palahniuk once said something to the effect that the beaver wasn’t saved from the brink of extinction by freedom fighters chaining themselves to the last few beavers. It was the person who designed a more fashionable hat that didn’t require beaver skin. People stopped killing beavers to make hats, and the beaver survived.  What I am getting at is that "Praxeus," doesn’t succeed by doomsaying, but rather through charm. By the end of the episode, I didn’t feel exhausted by information. Instead, I found myself feeling something far more constructive- thoughtful.

[circlejourney]

tfw

OK so, to those who have not had the pleasure of hearing me ramble about it for days, I have a wildly intense crush on the chairperson of the music society. I can’t even think about her without getting flustered right now and it’s embarrassing. Once she happened to come up in conversation between me and one of my mutual friends and I immediately froze and felt my whole head catch on fire.

So, 5 months ago, I said I'd confess to her, right? I actually did that. Her answer amounted to, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now because I'm dealing with things in my life", and then followed an extremely awkward period of about a month where I tried not to be too overbearing because she'd kind of implicitly told me to hold off, while I continued to helplessly hang onto her every word.

I mean, she was pretty chill about it, seemed to understand what crushes entail, and didn’t seem to mind. But I didn’t wanna be feeling things for someone who didn’t want a relationship! Classic story, I was scared to get my hopes up only to have them dashed yet again. So I did my usual thing and tried to suppress my feelings, or tell myself off every time I felt them. In hindsight, I wasn’t being fair to myself. And naturally, all that served to do was make me extremely anxious and overthinky. I went back to Singapore in November, and I was like, "this is too damn much. I can't deal with all this anxiety anymore" and I kinda lost all courage to talk to her. Oops.

Well, I come back to Griffith (my uni) in Feb and attend the first music society after a period of really really crappy mental health back at home, and I worry that I’ll never work up the courage to start a conversation with her again.

Guess what? She comes up to me in the middle of this first session (while others are playing Nine In The Afternoon, buncha emos lol) and asks if I want to take a walk. With her?? My brain short circuited and I had just enough presence of mind to say yes, let me grab my bag because I’ll need to leave after that.

So first thing I ask is where we’re going, and she says, for lunch. So there’s a long walk from the music society room to the eateries that passes through some bush, and while we’re walking it starts to drizzle in unpleasant, thin, misty droplets that blow in your face. OK I do the only logical thing, which is to take out my umbrella (which I have with me all the time), and then I realise that the polite thing would be to shelter us both. Even though at this point I’m obviously thinking about how unintentionally romantic this is gonna look.

Anyway I barely maintain my composure enough for us to talk about how I carry my umbrella everywhere even though it only rains like once a month in Brisbane.

We went and got food at the Indian restaurant, she got something that was supposed to be spicy, but it turned out to Not be spicy and we had a field day complaining about how Australians butcher food from other cultures. I then told her about how I made some failed curry last week, and she offered to send a recipe!! That’s nice of her

We sat down at the bus stop where my bus was coming, and talked about her recent vacation to Dublin, which, she says, has weather just like the weather we were experiencing at that point in time--thin, misty drizzles that get blown in your face. Anyway a thin, misty drizzle started blowing in our faces at that point so we moved farther under the shelter. It was her first time seeing her dad in months, he lives in Johannesburg (her hometown, she mentioned that they usually call it Joburg or Josies and she isn’t used to saying its full name). We talked about how when you see a cow on the roadside during a car trip, you cannot help but to say “cow” or “moo” at it. About how I started hanging out with the uni’s LGBTQ+ society where I get a free coffee at every session, and how all one needs in life is to have free coffee and be gay

Throughout this whole conversation I was kinda constantly aware that my heart was racing and I didn’t have a whole lot of an appetite from the excitement. I figured I wouldn’t be able to finish my lunch, so once I hit that point and the conversation I decided to hop on the next bus that came. Before I left, she gestured for me to hug her and I! Hugged Her!! Like I know she hugs people a lot, but I don’t, and this was the first time I’d hugged her. Aaaaand I was freaking the fuck out, in a good way, and I don’t know if she knew, but wow I have not stopped freaking out, hence this blog post.

I think that things really changed for me over the break. I was in a really, really bad place for a while, I couldn’t stop thinking of death for weeks. And now? I’m just so damn happy to be...happy. I don’t even care anymore if my feelings won’t be reciprocated, or if this won’t ever end in anything other than us saying goodbye. She knows I like her, I don’t have to hide it. I’ll just let myself feel it and act in accordance with it, as long as she doesn’t ask me to stop (she did promise she’ll say something if she’s uncomfortable). I’ll let it hurt for all I care. It can’t hurt as much as the past four/five months have hurt. Temporary or not, fated to end or not, this is a rare and precious feeling and I’m done casting joy out of my life. This feeling is so freeing and I’ve managed to tell my anxiety who’s boss for once. That’s wild. I’m excited.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Aladdin queen fic; John Deacon x reader Chap.1

*Author’s note*

So here we are with the first chapter of our Aladdin Queen fic, I hope everyone enjoyed the introduction but here we get to the real serious part, the introduction of our characters and a little bit of the roles each of them will play, or at least our main two characters you, and our beloved Deacy and of course Roger too :) Hopefully soon I can get around to doing the next chapter and getting more characters in but for now I hope you all enjoy these two parts and just have fun with it :)

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@plethora-of-things

@ixchel-9275

@waddles03

@geek-and-proud

@mexifangorl

@queendeakyy

@coolcxt

Chapter 1; Marketplace mischief and a chance encounter

___________________________________________________________

People never understand just how hard it is for us to make an honest living.  You’re always having to resort to stealing in order to get a meal, guards everywhere are always looking for an excuse to arrest someone and it doesn’t matter the gender either.  Life here in India is a struggle.

And it seemed to get more complicated especially since the kingdom that has allied itself with us, the three English Kingdoms of London, Leicester and Norfolk have come to marry off the three Princes to some of India’s well known Princesses, but every time the Princesses are denied and rejected.

Oh guess I’m getting a little too ahead of myself; the name is (y/n).  I’ve lived here in this village district of Agrabah just outside of the main capital of Calcutta.  I’ve lived on my own ever since I was about 8 years old when both my parents died of natural causes.  Both within a year of each other first my mother and then my father.

Ever since then I had to live on my wits and become street wise.  To this village I’m known either as a street mouse or cunning monkey because I can easily pick-pocket you before you can even blink.  But sometimes it does take a team effort, that’s where my trusty sidekick Abu comes into play.

He’s real charming when he needs to be which is makes him real popular with the ladies giving me the chance to swipe a necklace or bracelet in order to sell it.

Currently Abu and I were looking at some brass pots, pans, bowls, cups anything you can think of when a girl around my age came up and she asked me.

“Aww your monkey is so adorable, what’s his name?” I turned to her and answered.

“Abu.”

“And where did you find him?”

“Well…..” Abu hopped onto her shoulder and walked across it acting his playful and adorable self, keeping the girl distracted as an elder woman probably her mother came up and I reached out and grabbed the cup the woman just purchased and I said. “Ohh sorry ma’am accidentally dropped this, thank you for catching it.”

The mother grabbed her daughter as Abu leapt back onto my shoulder and I bid the two of them a good day.  However it was short lived when I noticed the mom talk to a guard and the two of them turned towards me.

“Uh-oh.” Abu then took off towards the building making his escape while I made my own.  I passed and ducked through people and hopped over carriages carrying people’s marketed goods.  I even had some people yelling at me as I would bump into them telling me to watch where I was going.

I soon met up with Abu as he hopped back onto my shoulder and the two of us jumped over a wall onto a different pathway. I adjusted my shirt and I said as I looked around for any guards.

“How’d we do Abu?” he then revealed the girl’s golden necklace.  I pocketed it away and scratched behind his head.  “Good monkey.”

We then took our findings over to Madam Azula, the local dealer for our food for the week.  Her shop was crowded with people looking for an honest trade of what they had to offer.  But as soon as she saw me, she said not even looking at me.

“Whatever it is you have stolen for me (y/n), I am not interested in!”

“Whoa, whoa what? Steal me? Never. C’mon Azula you owe me what can I get with this? It was my grandmother’s necklace.”

“I give you a bag of dates. Nothing more.”

“No Azula we both know this is at least worth three—”

“Take your bag of dates and get out of my face. Next!” People shouted at me to move and get out.  I sighed heavily and grabbed the bag she had tossed at me and walked out in a huff.

One measly bag of dates, this’ll hardly last us a day.  I reached into the small bag and pulled out a date for Abu.

“Well hard living ehh Abu?” he took the date and immediately began eating it.  I leaned up against the wall but before I could take a date out for myself, I looked down to see a mother and her two young children sitting there.

The young boy looked up at me and I immediately knew how he felt.  I turned to Abu and he just placed his meal underneath his tony fez.  I looked down at the bag and knew this wouldn’t help me but—it could help someone else.

I knelt down and handed the boy my bag and he smiled at me and took it from my hand.  I winked at him and playfully shushed at him to be quiet and then walked away.

Just because most of these people would rather live and fend for themselves, doesn’t mean that I’m willing to turn a blind eye to someone even worse off than me.  I would rather let a child eat and survive another day than to let them die when they barely got to live their lives.  I didn’t want them to go through what I went through.

*3rd Person POV*

Along the same stretch where (y/n) had disappeared off two.  Two young men in royal robes covering their faces walked through the condensed marketplace.

They definitely weren’t some of the locals because one thing they were both white skinned and if you could see through the hood, they both had long brown and blonde hair while many of the Indian people had black hair that went past their shoulders.

They walked through the markets as merchants proclaimed out their deals.

“Buy a pot! No finer pots in brass or silver!”

“Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs. Sugar dates and pistachios!”

“Excuse me sir, would you like to buy a necklace for your lovely lady friend?” the brown haired boy turned and turned to his blonde friend and the two of them shook their heads no.

“God why must everyone confuse me with a woman!?” the blonde hissed.

“To be honest Roger with your features and long blonde hair you’d make a convincing woman. Remember that time in Paris?”

“I thought I told you never to bring that up John!” the man known as Roger threatened.  “Besides you’re one to talk spaniel. Remember that Spanish princess who kept comparing you to her cocker spaniel?”

“Touché Roger.” It was then John saw a young girl around 4-5, she was covered with dust and dirt and she looked so malnourished for someone her age.  But what broke John’s heart was that no one had come to help this poor girl.

“Poor little lamb. It sickens me that some people can just ignore a hungry child like this. It’s just like back home.” Roger said. John soon took the plunge and he walked up towards her.

When she noticed a shadow standing over her, she turned around and shielded away.  John knelt down so that he wouldn’t be as intimidating to her and he removed his hood and he gave her a soft smile.

“Hello love, what’s your name?”

“Xara.”

“Xara, that’s a beautiful name. Are you hungry Xara?” She nodded shyly and John smiled warmly down at her.  He then took one of the bread rolls and gave it to her. “Here you go.” She smiled and suddenly hugged him.

John was startled at first but he accepted it and gently hugged her back before she took off running.  As John stood up, Roger came up to him and he said.

“I swear Deacy out of the three of us, you need to become a father first. You’re a natural born father.”

“Yeah, but I would rather have a child born out of love, not because of a civic duty to produce an heir.”

“C’mon I saw some fine jewelry over there.” But just before they left, the merchant running the bread cart spoke up to them seeing John merely give the bread away without paying.

“You’d better be able to pay for that.” The two men turned back towards the Indian man.  He went up to John and gripped his arm tightly and snarled, “Nobody steals from my cart!”

“I’m sorry sir, I—I don’t have any money.” John said trying to calm the man down.

“THIEF!!” the man exclaimed as he dragged John towards his cart.

“Wait hold on pal listen, if you just let us go to the palace we can get some from the kings of England!” Roger called out trying to set John free from the man’s grip.

“Keep out of this woman!” the cart owner hissed as he shoved Roger aside and two assistant workers held Roger back.  “Do you know what the penalty is for stealing!?” the merchant said to John as he slammed his arm down and raised his sword up.

“No! No please!” John pleaded.  Roger tried to get free but the two men had an iron grip on him.  Just before John thought he was about to have his arm cut off, a hand stopped the merchant in his place.

*My POV*

I had heard of a commotion going on near Jamal’s cart.  There I saw a boy around my age standing before Jamal, his arm being held down forcefully and Jamal was about to cut his arm off.

This crazy old coot was always focused on the old ways of punishment, steal his bread, lost a limb.  I quickly raced over and stopped Jamal just before he could lower his sword any further.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa Jamal calm down. He didn’t know any better I’ve been trying to teach these guys the way things are done around here.”

“You know this boy (y/n)?” I turned towards the boy as he managed to get his arm free from Jamal’s grip.

“Sadly yes. He’s my fiancé, and that is his cousin over there. They’re kinda—you know.” I twirled my finger around my head doing the crazy signal.  I heard a scoff behind me.  As Jamal freed himself from my grip and put his sword back to his hip he sneered out.

“That one claimed to know the English kings!”

“English kings? Ha! They think the monkey is the Sultan.” I laughed out gesturing towards Abu.  Abu looked at me confused and that’s when the blonde one suddenly claimed out.

“Ohhh wise Sultan!” He fell to his knees in a bow and it was then the brunette fell to his knees following his friend’s plan and he said as he too bowed before Abu.

“How may we serve thee!” Abu then chattered away almost regally as he hopped onto the brunette’s shoulder and patted on his head.

“Tragic I know Jamal, but that’s love for you.” I walked away from him and helped the blonde up first.  “Up you go cousin in law, and you my love. Time for you both to go see the Doctor again.” I had both my arms wrapped around each of their shoulders.

“What are you doing?” asked the brunette.

“Just trust me okay?” Abu then snuck something into my hand and I quickly turned towards Jamal holding a silver ring with an onyx black jewel at the center and I said. “Here for the bread payment.”

“What? No wait that’s my—”

“And an apple for your troubles Jamal, good day!”

“No! No! No I’m not leaving….”

“Come along you two.”

“No!” I dragged them both and that’s when the brunette hissed at me. “I won’t leave without my ring!”

“You mean this ring?” I said as I showed him his ring back that was now along my tall finger.

“Whoa how did you—” the blonde asked me.  But we were soon caught as Jamal cried out my name and the chatter of guards coming after us.

Play video

“Are we in trouble?” asked the brunette.

“Only if you get caught.” I said cockily. “Both of you go down that ally. Monkey knows the way.” Abu looked at me annoyed.  “Abu!” I scowled him.  He hopped onto the blonde’s shoulder and he pointed to his butt as he raspberried gesturing to them.  “You both will be fine.” They then took off and I walked on ahead grinning.

I spun around and raised my hand in the air showing off the man’s ring that I had swiped back as I exclaimed before taking off running.

“Looking for this Jamal?”

“(Y/n) you street mouse!” I heard Jamal cry out as some guards came after me.

As two guards came at me from either side of me, I slide underneath the legs of one of them and headed down towards an alley leaving the two guards to try and get back up after colliding with each other. I raced down the alley till I came to Alecia’s cart, I used her cart as extra leverage to get up onto the poles that were up a few feet.

I grinned down at the guards as they called out my name and swung from pole to pole before reaching the end.  Then using my head and my feet, I supported my body and slowly spun down till I touched down on the ground and took off running to meet up with the two boys.

All the while having a little fun with the guards, ducking under pillars, sliding down poles and jumping carts like a skillful cat while they kept crashing into things like an elephant in a china shop.

*Me*

Gotta keep one jump ahead of the breadline One swing ahead of the sword I steal only what I can't afford And that's everything

One jump ahead of the lawmen That's all, and that's no joke These guys don't appreciate I'm broke

*Guards*

Riff raff! Street rat! Scoundrel!

*Me* Take that!

I met up with the guys and pointed for them to go that way.  It was then I noticed the blonde’s dagger which I quickly swiped as I gripped onto a rope nearby.  I cut the rope which allowed the sacks of sand to plummet down while my end of the rope went up towards the building beside us.

I taunted the guys as I put the dagger away in my pouch as I leaned up against the red door of the building.  Suddenly it opened up and I rolled inside.  Turned out this was my old school that I was forced to attend for women.  I had quite a rep but that’s a different story for another time.

But let’s just say the other girls look up to me like a hero, doing things that no other Indian woman has had the courage to do, however our teacher Mrs. Dalia didn’t agree, and took every opportunity to ‘whip’ me into shape with that ruler of hers. *Me*

Try a different tac', guys

*Guards*

Rip her open 'Round the back guys

*Me* I can take a hint, gotta face the facts Could really use a friend or two

*School girls*

Oh, it's sad, (y/n)'s hit the bottom She's become a one-woman rise in crime *Teacher*

I'd blame parents, 'cept she hasn't got 'em *Me*

Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat Tell you all about it when I got the time

I dodged Mrs. Dalia’s attempts to whip my butt (and I mean that literally) as well as the guards that soon barged in. I ducked out of the window and hopped onto one of the blanket roofs allowing the guard that came after me to fall down towards the ground.  While I had bounced back into the room and stood back to back with the Captain.

The two of us spun around each other till I grabbed his dagger and held it out as I crouched along the window.  

He turned towards me but I held his own weapon against him and lunged it forward which he dodged but I leaned back and began hopping from blanket to blanket roof till I landed on top of a cart before landing right to the ground.

“You know you could’ve used the stairs right?” asked the brunette as he and his friend helped me up.

“Where’s the fun in that?” We casually walked along till we reached the street and I held my arm out till a cart came right by us and I gripped the brunette’s hand and like a whip, he and his friend followed me lead as the three of us hitched a ride down along the road.

*Me*

One jump ahead of the slowpokes One skip ahead of my doom Next time gonna use a nom de plume One jump ahead of the hitmen One hit ahead of the flock I think I'll take a stroll around the block

        We got off the cart and headed down another alleyway with the guards chasing after us.  We ducked past people before finally reaching a stairway that would lead us up to a roof. I first allowed the boys to go up first then I followed and thanks to old man Qassim for blocking our path, we were allowed some extra time.

*Guards*

Stop, thief! *Amara*

Vandal! *Me*

Abu! Scandal!

*Me*

Let's not be too hasty *Qassim*

Still I think she's rather tasty *Me*

Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat Otherwise we'd get along

*Guards*

Wrong!

As the guards began to withdraw their swords, I pushed the platform with my foot and they went falling backwards right into the flower shop.  I saluted them and I went over to the boys as I stood along a platform plank.

“Together on three.” I told them.

“Together on three.” Repeated the blonde.

“We jump.” I continued.

“We jump!?” answered the brunette in shock.

“Why are you both repeating everything I say? The pole both of you use it.” They stepped back as did I and I began to count us down.  And as I said, on three, the three of us raced towards the edge and I took the leap of faith towards the other building just below us.

I rolled along the blankets and bags and I saw the blonde land shortly beside me.

“Wait where’s your friend?” we both looked and saw that he was still standing on the roof of the previous building.

“Mate what the hell!?”

“Sorry!” he apologized.  Okay, okay now we’re gonna have to improvise since the polls long gone now.

“Here, follow my steps.” I helped him up along the roof and he climbed up as best he could while I stayed on the ground and looked towards the brunette. “Hey, look at me okay!” He turned and looked right at me. “You can do this. If he can, you can too.”

He nodded and backed up and he suddenly took off running because the guards suddenly appeared up onto the roof and just like me, he took a quick leap of faith like a black buck leaping over a creek. He rolled over along the ground and I helped him onto his feet.

“Nice leap.” I commented.

“Thanks.” He exhaled.

“C’mon onto the roof.”  His friend helped us up onto the roof and I quickly thought of another plan as a sure fire way to get them to not follow us.  I grabbed a rolled up carpet and pointed in the direction of some crates, pots and old boxes for them to hide in.

I grabbed a rope and quickly ran over the side of the building and dropped the carpet down into the shop below while I swung into the open window of the building I had just jumped off of.

*Me*

One jump ahead of the hoofbeats One hop ahead of the hump One trick ahead of disaster They're quick, but I'm much faster Here goes Better throw my hand in,

Wish me happy landin All I gotta do is jump!

*3rd Person POV*

The guards as well as some of the villagers all gathered around to see the cloud of dust erupt from the building where they thought (y/n) had fallen into.  The guards from the roof looked at each other and just walked away.

From below the people began to disburse and back on the roof John and Roger peeked out as soon as they saw the two guards leave. They looked towards the edge to see the girl’s monkey go up along the edge looking worriedly.

“Oh my god I think she’s dead.” Roger whispered. Suddenly a hand was thrown over the side of the building.  They both gasped before calming down and soon pulling herself up was (y/n) alive and unharmed.  Abu jumped in joy chattering away and that’s when (y/n) said.

“C’mon. I know a place where we can hide till all goes quiet.”

[purplesurveys]

1030

1. What did you do on the last nice weather day? I’m guessing ‘nice’ here universally means sunny and fair, even though that isn’t my weather of choice. But that said, yesterday I just stayed indoors and caught up on rest by binge-watching Friends, which I haven’t done in a while. I also ordered another embroidery kit online since my first kit, which I had mostly used as a trial since I’ve never done one before, has since run out of the given floss.

2. What do you love the most about your work? I work in an agency, so I’m not forced to do PR under just one company which I think would get boring for me pretty quickly. With the nature of my work, it’s fun working with many different brands/companies at one time because I get to be exposed to and learn about different industries, and I’m also challenged to come up with campaigns that would best fit the different groups that we work with which is always fun. Also, PR is a great way to keep up with the trends and always remain hip because I always know about upcoming campaigns or promos before they’re even unveiled to the public, lol.

3. What do you think about what is going on in the world today? I think wealthy people and big corporations are a crucial, if not the main, root of the world’s problems and it’s frustrating that the task of mitigating those issues is always delegated to everyone below them.

4. What is your favorite way to work out? By not doing so, hahaha.

5. What motivates you? I don’t know if anything has been lately. I’ve been taking life slowly and easily these days and I’m allowing myself to just go through the motions as I digest all these big adjustments currently going on in my life. For now I’m not putting any pressure on myself to be motivated to do anything big. I’m still a little overwhelmed with everything as it is.

...where’s #6?

7. What is something people do that drives you crazy? When people need something from you so they message you, but do unnecessary small talk before asking for a favor. The fact that they need my help does not bother me; the fact that they are only talking to me because they need something from me does not bother me. It’s the small talk that irks me. I’ll be ready to help anybody at any time and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve spoken – but just go ahead and ask for the damn thing and don’t waste my time trying to sound like you care about what’s going on in my life.

8. What are some things on your bucket list? Go to Wrestlemania, travel with my own funds, have my own place, have kids.

9. What are some of your deal breakers in a relationship? Do I even have any? Gab dropped so many red flags in our relationship that should have been dealbreakers and my dumb, ever-forgiving ass always saw past them. I think the thing with me is that I think I have a list of dealbreakers, but when actually confronted with them I’m too afraid to speak out about it, so I just forgive and forget and eventually they just stop being dealbreakers. I have to work on that.

10. What do you never leave your house without? My top three are phone, keys, wallet. And of course, as a given – a face mask and face shield.

11. What was your most memorable vacation? Sagada and Singapore/Malaysia, since that was my first trip abroad.

12. Do you have any phobias? Needles and fire.

13. What is your favorite ethnic food? Indian, Thai, Indonesian, and Korean. 14. I love Italian/Thai etc. Would you like to go to my favorite place sometime? I love both, though I like Thai a tad bit more. And yessss, I’m always open to anyone’s recommendations so long as it’s got something to do with food.

15. What TV shows have you binged lately? I’ve been rewatching Friends again and I’m in between seasons 5–7, which I believe to be the show’s peak. Currently, I’m several episodes away from the Ross/Elizabeth storyline and Chandler’s proposal.

16. Send me a funny meme that you shared recently. I haven’t been active on social media, so I haven’t seen any new memes lately. I hate missing out.

17. What do you hate about technology? This is more nitpickiness on my end than anything else, but battery power. I hate being constantly cautious over my gadget running out of power or dying on me especially when I’m out. I often find myself wishing for technology to evolve to the point that we won’t need batteries or to charge stuff anymore, which idek if it’s even possible haha.

18. What sites do you find yourself visiting the most? YouTube, by a mile.

19. Do you have any favorite apps? Again, YouTube. I also like going through Reddit at the end of the day.

20. What is the best part of your day? Any point I don’t find myself feeling miserable.

21. What time period would you like to visit the most, if you could time travel? 70′s punk/rock scene, maybe? < Ooh, this is a good one. Also, late 90s Attitude Era-era WWF/E. And whenever Pompeii was around.

22. What scents do you really enjoy? (a certain flower, cut grass, fireplace, perfume) Bakeries, a newly-cleaned hotel room, coffee shops.

23. What is something that you are terrible at? Giving and following directions, drawing, and cooking.

24. What are some favorites on your playlist right now? Because I mentioned The Japanese House on a survey last night, I am ALL over Saw You In A Dream again. Seriously, god-tier. One of my favorites ever. Outside of that, haven’t been listening to music lately because I’m still sad; but I might find myself back on Spotify soon. As much as I haven’t been tuning into music, I do miss it.

25. What comedy movie is your favorite? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Also, a bit of a garbage choice but White Chicks.

26. Have you ever meditated? No. I don’t think I have the patience/required attention span for it.

27. What is your dream job? I wanted to be in PR. I currently work at an agency which is my dream for now so yay for me achieving that, but like I’ve said before it would be such a dream come true if I can come work for WWE, my dream company, in any capacity. Getting to work for their in-house PR team would be the perfect icing on the cake.

28. What comes to mind when you think of a great moment in your life? Being in a relationship, and how much I miss that feeling. Now that I’ve experienced both singlehood and having an SO, I can definitely decide that I don’t particularly enjoy being by myself.

29. What do you miss the most about college? The independence I learned to gain. My campus was such a freeing environment and it allowed me to grow so much, to wear whatever I want, to join whatever protest or rally was going on, to meet new people, to hear different perspectives from my classmates. I miss being there.

30. Whenever you text it makes me smile! ???

31. What are you planning this weekend? My weekend is nearly over, actually...for the remaining 10 hours and 20 minutes of it, I willllll probably just watch a bunch of wrestling and maybe find something to watch on Netflix just so that I have something interesting to share for the weekly check-in tomorrow with the team.

32. Who is your favorite band? Paramore, but you knew that already.

33. How do you like to spend your free time? If I manage to find a few free minutes while at work, I gobble that shit up by lying in bed and finding a video to watch. On weekends I like doing embroidery, taking surveys, maybe even find a black hole of articles to read on Wikipedia. I’m also looking forward to playing video games once I’ve finally bought the ones I’ve been eyeing to get.

34. What do you like about springtime? I don’t know. I can’t relate, we don’t have that season.

35. Is your personality similar to anyone in your family? I’m most similar with my mom, but I share traits with my dad as well.

36. How have you handled having to stay in? It was sucky at first, but after eight months you kinda get used to it and just make the most out of things you can do only at home.

37. Are you able to work at home? Yeah, we’re all on a WFH set-up right now.

38. How would your friends describe you? The most popular opinion would probably be ‘shy.’

39. Did you ever take a really big risk? Sure.

40. What do you want to be known or remembered for? Anything but negatively.