#i kinda hate uni rn
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20/1/2024 • 20/366
finally on the next chapter of my book ! had a bad day other than that though
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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alright time to dip and sleep early (its alr 11pm but whatever) cause i slept for like 2hrs last night and only had two short naps throughout the day ... i need this
#꒰ ✒️ : cielle's diary ꒱#if anyone asks#im still doing ok !!#kinda#its subjective ig#and a little bit of toxic positivity#cause if i dont then i think im gonna hate life rn#im so glad i dont tho cause uni life has been so eventful so far#everything wrong just boils down to my wack schedule
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Hi, I had a question... is like- mikey also a love interest? Js wanted to know thx
🤍🫧
helloo ive already answered this, he’s like a brother to you so no he’s not.
the love interests i’ve fully written about besides little sexual tension (for now, and by that i mean chapter 2 & 3.)
rindou haitani
baji keisuke
kazutora hanemiya
& hanma shuji.
#☠︎︎. 💌#typing this as i’m getting ready for uni rn#getting anxiety stomach aches cs i kinda hate my makeup el o el
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convention money is crazy. i wish i could make that kind of cash just from taking pics with people and signing my name on shit. lord what misha and jensen made in two days would feed and house me for a decade easy. madness. i bet they got free food all weekend too. fuck my entire life aint worth $250k. i could literally sell everything i own, a kidney and my ass to a dozen dudes and still be 90% short of what misha and jensen made this past weekend.
you and me nonny, you and me 😔
personally im good. i dont need their money. i'll wear my wool sweater and wool socks and keep warm etc etc but it just feels so unrealistic sometimes. like they really do be living such a completely different life than most of their fans. thinking about con prices and such really is crazy. im not gonna come on here and say they should do this and this with their money but i do hope they do feel some resposibility to do something useful with it
#the thing is. im fine. im good. my uni is covered like 99% by the state. i have my student loan which im saving for something else. and i#live with my family during normal uni days (not rn tho). and i get that theyre in like a completely different period in their lives. they#have worked like 30+ years and i know misha comes from a poor family and i do know he often donates to charity which is nice#but like every time i actually sit down and think about the numbers. jeez. like. one picture. i payed 120 euros for ONE picture with misha.#and i get that i dont have it bad. i went to a con. im going to a con. but like. i do that and have to not do something else. yk? i have to#choose. imagine never having to think things through without buying (omg re rob and the watch or whatever)#anyways. idk. feels weird. the world is unfair (i hate saying that). and i doubt they (jenmish) will get cheaper and i doubt cons will stop#so yeah. i suppose it kinda is a it is what it is situation#stuff like this is always so weird. we mock my dad for going on business trips and stuff. but for him thats tiring. so like i get its their#job to do cons and thats tiring. but for me. (us?) an outsider. it sure looks like a really easy job. idk. im just ranting and throwing#thoughts out there. hi! if you bothered reading this far down <3#funny that my feet are freezing rn. the amount of wool clothes im wearing you guys. crazy. gonna take a hot shower later to warm up
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It’s one am everyone’s asleep and I’m here giggling cause someone was like trump just got his ear grazed and kaveh from parade of providence broke his back with that fall and lived to tell the tale like it was nothing LMAOLMAOLMAO
#PFFTTTT HES SO STUPID#I still have no clue how he ended up like this I recall at one poijnt scara was flying and winning#then somehow he hung onto his leg or something LMFAO#HOW DID SCARA LOOSE TO HIM#when ppl be like kaveh is weak bro did you see how he fell#Ik it’s cartoon logic and all BUT FNEIDKSNS PFFTTT THAT FALL WAS HILARIOUS#thank God my falls as embarrassing as that 😭 like sure I fell in front of the castle of my uni sure it was in the centre too so everyone had#full view of it#BUT HFIESKSKS HOW STUPID HE JUST PLUMMETTED FROM THE SKY#AT LEAST Layla has a shield wanderer is an ex fatui who was experimented on and can fly he’s so durable (my son !!!😭)#faruzan has her pyramid things and she’s kinda confident which goes a long way#but tbh idrk what her pyramid does but she’s anemo so she can blow them away i suppose ?#Kaveh doesn’t really have anything like yeah he has dendro but … ☠️#he’s kinda a loser 😔 like his power is controlled by mehrak#kinda#and he doesn’t even hold his claymore for him to apply the dendro infused himself#so he’s extra reliant on mehrak and I don’t think he had her in the event ? hmm idk#one day I’ll watch parade of providence ONE DAYYYY#I hate this cause how come hsr has replayable events with prizes and we can’t have thissss#I just want to play through the story naurrrrr#even without prizes 😞👍#dora daily#anyways I’m so tired rn bggkkc
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5 years or less...
That's the most time I have left to scramble everything together despite also struggling w my own health & everything I already struggle with. & That's assuming nothing happens in the time span before then that accelerates everything at a rate faster than I can maybe handle
Bc with the unpredictability I seem to live in constantly, with how common it is for me to have shit strike out of nowhere? When I've never even known stability in the first place so I can't even trust that that 5 years won't suddenly be accelerated to less than 2 years or far less than that? Esp when last year was the start of sudden "yeah so we are becoming rly unstable & idk how well we're going to be able to live here for the next x months/years" that was dropped on me out of nowhere?
...I don't know.
#there's just a ton more pressure i feel compounded onto me now if im to want to get away from here before i get shoved into.#the role of the new head of the family & having to be everyone's stability IN FULL. not just emotionally anymore but in every way possible.#i cant. handle that. im sorry but i cant.#i NEED to get away from both parents.#i cannot. be saddled w the responsibility that theyre trying to shove onto me. not when im trying to get away so i can heal.#ig the only other way i can possibly think. of escaping. is through heading back to uni or applying to a uni that ain't in my city.#bc then i can live far away from home. & even if its w debt id still be working towards goals i have anyway & also just. be. away.#from them. id ontknow. obvs not the smartest move so i just.#need to sit down & think what my own plan of action has to be.#i need to start setting up an emergency backup plan.#preferrably one that isn't me doing something drastic or running away w/o a second thought & then shit just getting worse.#i wanna kinda set up a gofundme thing or just have ko-fi links promoted more so i can have some sort of just.#safety net in case of anything. idk. but i dont know how to feel abt that & usually it doesnt rly work for me i guess. idk.#im rn just focused on trying to get things w pharmacy tech stuff dealt with. but. yeah.#im sorry im so venty lately btw. im just.#i dont know what to think or feel anymore.#im going through a lot constantly & it just i cant find it in me to directly reach out constantly to ppl anyway i hate it.#this is def gonna be deleted later bc i hate leaving my mess for anyone to see & i hate anyone seeing im not fine lmao.#but i dont really know where else to really just go off ig idk
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Please yall Please 🙏🏾 retire the freaky fics for a day and put some serious thought towards a mini series. I can't take the freaky onshots anymoreeee Please feed me some real food. I can't take it anymore. Like I love what yall are doing, but when I go for my daily dose of fan fics i want a lil more yk( Not saying people aren't writing sfw and fluff they are, i just see that there's a lot more smut, Not saying I avoid smut or hate it but sometimes I just want more substance, Ive been feeling like fan fiction has been oversaturated with smut the past couple years but didn't want to say anything). I am so thankful for the 2 sevika series I'm reading rn. Forgot the titles, but one is about a zombie apocalypse, and the other is kind of a slow burn, but one of the readers' legs is kind of messed up. " Why don't you write some yourself?" If you scroll down, you'll see. I've said this before, but heres the updated reason.. I write like shit, I would probably drop it after like 3 chapters, and I learned the hard way that I'm more for reader than a writer. I'm sure if I locked in, I could really do something, but I'm in Uni😔 so im locking in on these classes. I'm just begging you all to hear me out real quick
Here are 2 ideas
• Vi isn't just looking for powder after she gets out of prison but reader/oc ( Either they were dating before she got arrested or They had a complicated relationship maybe with feelings they couldn't explain, but they were close, you know something along those lines.) There's so much you can do with that and make it a series and even continue it into the second season. ( The relationship is rocky at first because they're both super traumatized, but they still love each other to a certain extent, so they kinda make it work. Then because they're traumatized. They keep making mistakes, yk the typical stuff keeps working, then not working. But Caitlyn isn't completely discarded, they also have a complicated relationship it doesn't have to be romantic, but it's a little interesting. But reader isn't a big fan of their relationship at all because Caitlyn is an inforcer ( Let's say reader also lost her parents to enforcers.) So she's having a really hard time with Caitlyn and vi's relationship. But it's not giving she's playing both of them, or she's dating both of them. Basically, everything is so complicated. But you can tell the reader and vi are gonna end up together at the end.
• This one kind of takes from the story of my oc x sevika story ( but I don't really give a shit I'm not writing about it anytime soon) Basically before all that bs happened with sevika losing her arm she had a fwb/fling/situationship going on, and it was kind of getting a little serious between them. But all the stress of the enforcers coming down ( We all watched the same show there's no need to explain) While all that is happening, they begin to slowly distance themselves from each other because of stress or whatever but then sevika loses her arm, and reader is all like "omg bae your arm why didn't you let me know, You could have died and I would have never known." And sevika is all like " Why should I have told you? I don't need your pity or anything. I would have let you know if I felt like you needed to know." And reader is all like "wtf is with this attitude, You know, you should have told me. I would have been there for you. What's going on right now?" ( By the way, reader isn't just some push over, she's a little sassy ( I love sassy reader so much) So she usually doesn't let savika talk to her any type of way) the story's basically building up trust with any other exploring a relationship and going through the events of season one together, and maybe even season 2.
That's all the ideas I have for right now.But you can't tell me that wasn't fire. If you thought it was fire and you wanna see what you could do with it, Tag me or talk about it with me, I would love to expand on everything.
Just feed me something other than smut fics(ngl ive been eating them but im just tired of it and want something new💀), and please, if you could be let it be a series IM BEGGING 😔😢😢
Sorry for any grammar mistakes
#vi x reader#arcane x reader#sevika x reader#sevika headcanon#vi headcanons#vi arcane#sevika arcane#vi fanfic#sevika fanfic#arcane fandom#league of lesbians#wlw#wlw happiness#vi fluff#caitvi x reader#violet arcane#arcane#lgbtq#sevika#sevika fluff#arcane fanfic
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The school year finally ended... I hate college SO much :( but I am alive!! I beg for some crumbs of thoughts on Sunday... -chubby darling anon who is very much alive and finally got a mitsuri scale figure <3
putting all of my other fics, blurbs, and asks on PAUSE for this!! congrats!! no more school foorrr… 3ish months!! after dropping out of uni, i’ve been finally considering going back myself for phlebotomy!! canadas health situation is lack lustre rn and the course is less than one year + paid practicum + immediate job placement which is kinda sweet… CONGRATS ON THE FIGURE TOO!! i recently (like a month and a half ago) procured the hatsune miku jirai kei subculture fashion figure and i cannot stress how pretty she is <3 sits on my pc right now bc my shelves are full… ANYWAYS… love you!!
includes: silly sunday hcs, potential story spoilers, maybe ooc im still feeling him out, praise, degradation, riding crops, his hands…, and gender neutral reader!!
very poignantly the hopeless romantic type. he’s always functioned as a ‘singularity’ of sorts and over the years developed a certain fondness of it, even if it hurts. it’s worth noting he vividly reminds me of the line ‘i miss the comfort in being sad,’ from nirvanas ‘Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle.’ he’s the type of partner to always be stuck in that self-absorbed martyr mindset a little bit.
pragmatic to a fault. Sunday is deeply a skeptic, take his departure from the harmony in favour of the order, as an example. it’s cool because it means you’ll never have to worry about any technicalities but it also means he has a hard time letting go of control or being spontaneous.
very into more subtle romantic gestures and an absolute gentleman. you’ll have flowers at your door at least once a week and he makes sure to take all of your preferences into consideration when planning dates (he will be the one planning). keeps his hand on your lower back most of the time, the waist is far too scandalous!!
not a big texter. he prefers speaking face to face and will call if he can’t come see you. that said, he’ll make sure to like or respond to all of the silly pictures and messages you send, even if it’s a dry ‘haha’ or just a heart. occasionally, you’ll find that he’s sent you a letter, ask about and he’ll shrug and say he simply wanted something more heartfelt if he’s to communicate written. he’s got a special stamp to seal the ones he sends you.
grabs your phone when you go to show him something. no explanation i just feel it in my bones.
although he’s no singer, he’s still a classically trained musician. i imagine he was taught the violin but went on to learn his preferred instrument, the harp, himself. he’s a bit shy about playing so rather than asking, just wait until he thinks it’s late and you’re not around to hear; he’s got quite the set of fingers.
…speaking of fingers, my bread and butter, he’s beyond skilled with playing you. while he enjoys getting down to business, getting to leisurely spread you open and thrum against all your nerves gets him going. could spend hours having you laid out, in his lap, on the floor, wherever, just gently coaxing you open, wet, and pliant for himself.
off of that, he likes you best worn down to soft edges and weak desperation. getting to play the saviour, making you come undone, has him stiff in his pants.
lots of sweet praise and subtle degradation. things like, “you want to be good for me, don’t you my sweet?,” or, “now, now, don’t get greedy on me. be patient, silly thing, and i’ll appease all of your foolish whims,” annddd, “come now, you’ve been so well for me, angel, don’t ruin that with any useless whines.”
he’s not one for being too harsh against you but push the right buttons and you’ll get a ‘dumb’ or ‘stupid’ here and there. Sunday doesn’t curse but he knows his way around how to make you feel inferior and looked down upon.
he likes the power play of staying fully and pristinely clothed while your completely nude, save for maybe a pretty collar he’s got you belled with. if you’re real trouble, say maybe a no good criminal causing problems on Penacony and once arrested you’re at his disposal and oh so pretty, he’ll find a nice muzzle to fix you with.
strikes, no pun intended, me as the type to have an affinity for riding crops over anything else for punishments. you’ll get the same sugarcoated degradation while he comments on how you’re not even good enough to be so close to his gloved hand that he just must use the crop!! (he likes the pretty bruises it leaves).
#cw: degradation#cw: riding crops#sunday x reader#sunday x you#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you#chit chats#chubby darling anon my beloved!#i think he’s a real slime ball#but… very interesting i fear#i like how… stiff?? purposeful?? assertive?? he is#very much a mixed bag of marbles and i like that!!#kisses u btw
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Maybe a bit weird but yandere big bad wolf jk and small sheep oc/yn?
pairing : yandere wolf jk x fem sheep hybrid reader
genre : smut, yandere
A/N : a quick smutty drabble rn because I'm writing a one shot for it and it's halfway done. I just need to do a quick dump bcs the one shot is kinda long and it's making me hit writers block 😭😭😭😭. this might not be the best tbh but I promise the one shot will be way better.
yandere wolf jk who's a perfectionist at uni never missing a class, always has a 4.0 GPA and never failed to made it in to the deans list.
and then one day he saw you, barging in to the class late mumbling sorry and sitting right in front of him,your scent covering his nose almost instantly,his ears tensing up as he grumble mate slightly under his breath.
he reached for you after class finished, hands grabbing your arm tightly, he leaned his face in, a wolfish grinned adorning his face as he greeted you
you who was timid,fearful and easily panicked,breathed out your name gently hands shaking from the sudden interaction. you can't help it of course it's in your nature to act that way :(
before he could ask you about how he's never seen you in the class before, you snatched your arms from him, legs stuttering to get out of the room as fast as you can, his scent was overwhelming, making your thoughts go hazy from fear.
jungkook frowned as your figure scrambled out, hands forming a fist as he make a silently vow to himself to get you again.
he met you again next on the campus hallway, hands barely holding on to the thick text books you carried as you sauntered around,trying to get into the professor office before bumping against some jock, your knees crashing on the hard tiles as the books fell from your grasp, gasp leaving your lips from the pain. the hallway turned silent, people watching you trying to gather books, you wanted to wailed from the attention you're receiving, your knees ached from the impact,blood oozing out from the cuts it received
jungkook immediately rushed up to you, shooing people away as he kneeled down, his hands quickly collect the books as he helped you stand up. he cooed at the fat tears that was sliding down your face, "its okay baby you're okay they're gone know" he fussed wiping your tears away
you sobbed,wiping your face at the sleeve of your sweater, the nickname he gave you went unnoticed as he continued to caressed your face.
"let me help you bring these and then we'll go to the infirmary to take care of your knees, okay?" he offered not giving you time to answer before he grabbed your hands,his other hand holding the books easily as he sauntered to the office
after that it was easy for jungkook to make you his,everyday he would take you out for coffee,sit beside you in class, and helped doing your assignments. he'd pamper you endlessly, slowly convincing you to sleep at his place instead because it was too dangerous for you to sleep alone and you who was dumb,naive and gullible believed everything he said.
he'd make you move to his apartment too, because it's such a hassle for his baby to be going back and forth at all and he doesn't like the thought of you being all alone so please move in with me baby, I don't like being apart from you :((((
jungkook Hates when you start talking or making friends with other people because you're his and only his to have, it's not hard to make you stop talking to these people of course, your timid nature making it easy for him to remove people from your life.
he'd tell you everyday, gaslighting you into thinking about how your friends view you as an easy target and how you will always be a Second choice to them, how you would easily get stampede if you keep hanging around with people other than him.
you'd believed everything he said, the thought of leaving the home you thought as a safe place become more and more distasteful making you switch all your classes to online instead, which ofcourse was jungkooks Idea.
jungkook loves to fuck you, he loves rubbing your wet pussy through your panties while you're sleeping, hips unconsciously humped against his hands as moans left your lips,his hands would move the panties sideways, thumbs slowly rubbing your clit, drawing 8 figures on it making you reach your qlimax, soft pants leaving your lips.
he'd fuck you on top of the kitchen counter, your front leaning on it, clit grazing against the counters corner everytime he thrust forward. cold marble pressing against your chest as jungkook pulled your hair back, his hand reaching down to pinch your nipple making you squeeze more around his cock
"aah...aah ple..please" you mewl hands rubbing your clit, desperate to reach your orgasm. jungkook grunts, his hands smacked you ass,groaning as he watched it jiggle "please what slut", he rasped hips bucking faster as he leaned down, lips sucking your necks making your eyes rolled back from the pleasure
"uh...ugh...cum please" you cried out, jungkook reached down hands smacking your pussy as he yanked your hair back "fuck..baby..cum" he choked, you wailed as you squirt against him,body trembling, eyes rolling back as your pussy pulsate againts his cock. "fuck fuck fuck" jungkook sobbed out as he reached his climax, filling your hole with so much cream it drips out.
he pulled out,wincing slightly before plugging his hand up your hole, preventing his cum from dripping down your hole "can't let this go to waste hm".
jungkook loves it when you got your heat he'd fuck you on every surface in the house. he'd fuck you on the couch when the movie's still playing,on the bathtub while letting the shower jet hits your clit , on the floor where he'd fuck you so hard you could barely from a sentence.
jungkook loves you so much he'd kill for you. he would easily get rid of anyone that he thinks might be a threat to your relationship.
he'd do anything for you as long as you don't leave his side,so don't even try to think about doing it it okay?.
#jungkook fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook x reader#jungkook#bts fic#bts#jungkook drabble#jungkook x y/n#jungkook hybrid au#jeon jungkook x you#yandere jungkook#jungkook yandere#yandere!bts#yandere!jungkook#yandere bts#male yandere#x reader#jungkook imagine#bts x reader#bts x you#jungkook x female reader#jungkook x oc#jungkook smut#bts smut#bts x y/n#bts x oc#jungkook bts#bangtan#jungkook fic recs#jungkook fic
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June 23, 2024 • Sunday
Had a kind of productive day today. I finished some assignments and then studied with @winryrockbellwannabe for two hours, I actually focused lol.
Turns out the exam I was studying for got postponed :D (i hate my uni i wanted to get over with it ugh)
Debating whether to go to uni or not tomorrow. My pain levels rn are kinda moderate, but my pain levels have been kind of high for the past few days so I'm not sure if I'll be able to go tomorrow. Let's see.
🎧 Red — Parker
#dailyfoxposts#studyblr#studyspo#study#note taking#study inspo#study motivation#exam season#uni life#productivity#study sessions#focus#inspo#studying#student#student life#life blogging
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the significance of blue - a somewhat analysis on the lost temple cult
this analysis is defunct due to wiki retcons! im only keeping this up for archival purposes, please read the updated version here ! the heretic katana skin jus got shown to the general public and the detail that stands out to me the most is the fact that katana's horns are dyed blue. teal blue is the colour motif of the church of the lost eye, and the fact that they go as far as to make members dye their horns for this blue is very interesting! let's get into why I think they do this and more about the church of the true eye :P
for starters, i am an art history nerd, i'm going into uni for an art history related major, and took an art history class. these are my credentials before you tell me im insane (but also i am overanalysing phighting rn so maybe i am insane). pls dont like. kill me for overanalysing actually i jus really like doing this kinda thing lol dont read if you dont wanna hear me yapping
with that being said, in history, blue has been historically associated with wealth and religion. this is due to the fact that blue, specifically cobalt blue, is difficult to mine, and because a deep rich blue such as cobalt blue doesn't have an easy alternative for the colour. the standard of ur for exactly is a symbol of wealth because of the amount of blue that it uses.
on the religion side, or at least in abrahamic religions (i cannot currently remember if hinduism or buddhism treasures blue like that), blue is associated with heaven. obviously because the sky is blue and what not, but also because it represents the spirit of god. this may also be because of the aforementioned difficulty of acquiring blue, but religious figures and buildings use blue a lot, enhancing the association with blue and religion.
this all fits in line with the lost temple, which 1. is a place of wealth 2. the largest religious organisation we've seen in phighting. blue fits them, analysis done and dusted.
wrong. i woulda let this slide if we didn't establish that dying your horns is a way to express oneself in phighting.
look at all the members for me real quick, look at their horns.
yeah i included dollmaker mainly bc it said on the wiki shes in the cult. shes not apart of this analysis tho sorry dollmaker fans.
all various shades of blue! specifically teal and dark blue. whether it be dye or not, it's something noteworthy.
i wanna point out that it's said that medkit and katana both share the same shade of teal. yknow what else that medkit and katana share that's related to the church?
only mention of biological family on med's side btw. also, since he was born with teal horns its smth of note.
and then katana has a brother. this is literally in dialogue.
yknow what's a big thing in the church of the true eye? family. their whole schtick is being a whole big family. honestly, katana might not even have a biological brother if my assumption on how the cult's rankings work.
basically, the highest figure we know in the cult, whether he be the head of it or jus a real high ranking figure, is referred to as 'the father.'
it's not a stretch to assume that the hierarchy within the cult is based off of a family. those who are the lowest are referred to as the acolytes (i assume they are the lowest because the broker refers to them as a whole and not individuals), those who are higher may possibly referred to with more traditional family titles such as 'brother' or 'sister' or even possibly 'mother.' it would make sense given the fact that they're literally big on the family thing. why would you call the whole thing family if you won't do the silly culty thing with the brother and sister thing within the cult do you hate love and joy and fun??? (obviously matches are a different thing entirely, but i feel like outside of the phighters we see, the reputation of being a cult family as opposed to jus some weird ass cult obviously had to come from somewhere. besides, reserving titles such as brother and sister for higher ranking officials would show significance).
i highlight the fact that katana and medkit have the same shade of teal because colour is so significant in the cult. broker, medkit, and katana look to have similar uniforms in terms of build and colour, with katanas being kinda an inverse of broker's. they all seem to work underneath scythe as well, with scythe in a white uniform and more gold, appearing to be more wealthy and have influence in the cult. while she also has teal horns, it's darker than katana and medkit's, and i don't have enough information to gather what that darker shade of teal could really mean.
but regardless, teal horns in the context of the church of the true eye can possibly mean literal familial connection. that's one possibility. we're going through possibilities of the meanings of the colours right now. i say this because medkit would have most likely been fucked if he didn't have the familial connection to the church because from what we've seen, going to another faction is not a real welcome thing to do. and then katana's horns are clearly dyed that specific teal, when he hasn't dyed his horns red at all. he could have had them dyed like broker's darker blue, but they're not.
teal horns could also jus be a cult thing and broker's jus being the lil weirdo he is. but i jus can't let go of the fact that medkit's horns and katana's horns are basically the same colour. it's been bothering me. it's why im here yapping right now. honestly i wish i could also explain why dollmaker or scythe has tealish horns as well, (with the lil bits on both of their horns sticking out!) but i jus don't have enough info on dollmaker.
anyways, since i'm already talking about katana's and medkit's horns, let's talk about that little gold ring on both of their horns.
horn decoration has mostly been seen as, once again, expression, but historically irl jewellery has a lot of significance culturally and religiously. first thing that comes to mind is the stretching of the ear lobes, which is associated with status and religion (think the buddha.) within the world of phighting, we rarely if ever see jewellery on horns outside of the cult. honestly i jus assumed that medkit was cunty but with the large gold piece on heretic katana's horn, it has to have more significance.
also. why are they on the same side. i know that the right side and the left side have meanings within abrahamic religions (eg. muslims not using their left hands to eat or drink because of the devil, 'the right hand of the father' being because the right hand of god is metaphor for his omnipotence) but i don't have enough info for the ring. it could mean that you were accepted as more than an acolyte within the cult, or again, the family tie, but there's jus nothing at the time of writing this that i can figure out. it's a bit frustrating. it could jus mean they're wealthy though
anyways, i think that's all my thoughts on the church of the true eye. i actually have a small idea on who the deity the church worships, but also i feel like that's like theorising who's the in universe jesus christ (because the church unironically can be compared to christianity. i might make another yap sesh on that.) so i didn't go into it in here lol. tell me all ur thoughts nd feelings on this, my askbox is open :P
#also please i know phighting is not that deep#BUT ALSO#I LIKE OVERANALYSING SHIT !!!!!!!#deimos going insane part 325#god i love the church actually#i jus also adore cults. like in fiction#sorry if this is incomprehensible#i had a goal. and then i accidentally went all the way LMAO#the church of the true eye#phighting!#katana phighting#medkit phighting#scythe phighting#the broker phighting#heretic katana
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uni on monday. kicking myself into the sun.
#the uni groupchat is waking up again and when i saw the notifications on my phone i threw up in my mouth a little#i hate wrocław. i hate that uni. and i have such an insanely toxic relationship with the girl who's my uni-friend? ig?#the thought of seeing her again makes me go insane with this ridiculous fucking anxiety which is stupid af cause i really do like her#its just that arghhhhhhhhhh#anyway. the closer i am to monday the more i think about dropping out#also ive been doing so well with my ed. but going back means Going Back. so all that progress will probably go to shit all over again lmao#my internet is kinda working rn (not really it took like 10 hours for tumblr to load) so im using it to vent about uni hell yeah#sorry if you texted me and im not responding - the dms wont load 🫠
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do you have any random headcannons from your descendants au
Sure but here’s a Chad Sketch for engagement:
I’ve been more focused on mbav head canons lately but Chad and Carlos have stayed in my brain the whole time. So this is gonna be about them being freinds.
Do remember that in my Au they’re legal adults.
Chad is a light weight definitely. Hes totally scared that someone will peer pressure him into drinking, but he’d say no and it’d be all dramatic and cool.
Carlos is a borderline alcoholic. But a functioning silly one. He just acts goofy when he’s drunk.
They’re dorm mates so sometimes they share stuff. Like food and toothpaste. When they go shopping to restock their stuff Carlos has to stop Chad from getting inedible bullshit. Actually Chad was borderline about to pass away from how malnourished college people get. Mostly because they’re bad at cooking.
Carlos learned to cook for himself and his mother since she sucks. He’s kinda goated at food and now Chad isn’t starving anymore.
Chad was a frat boy but then he decided to leave right before the VKs got transferred to Auradon Uni. Good thing too because Carlos hates frats like the one he was in. Not because they were evil cause it’s literally Auradon, but because they were so sickly nice it felt like a goody two shoes cult. 
That’s all I have rn pookie don’t be a stranger to the ask box tho
#disney#descendants#disney descendants#rise of red#digital art#original art#carlos de vil#fanart#descendents fanart#carlos descendants#carlos di vil fanfic#chad charming#chad descendants#rise of red fanfic#rise of red fanart#descendants fanfiction#jay descendants
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pathetic vent post lol
so the thursday before last, one of my coworkers told me she's quitting bc she got a job in the field she wants to have a career in. I was happy for her and told her so, but I also felt kind of sad, because she's a woman close in age to me and I've been thinking we could be friends if I wasn't technically her boss for a little while now. so finally near the end of our shifts (we were closing) I buck up and ask if her she'd want to exchange contact info and stay in touch and hang out after she left.
and y'all she looked so happy and excited to be asked that. absolutely 0 hints that her delighted response wasn't genuine. so she puts her number in my phone, and even takes a silly picture for the contact pic, and I send a test text and she responds to confirm it's her correct number.
on monday I text her about hanging out later in the week, with ideas. on tuesday I text her again, with new ideas if she didn't like my first ones. I didn't mean to double text two days in a row.
nothing.
I wait till yesterday and send her one last text, explaining that I really do wanna be friends, I am more chill outside of work and she's only seen Work Nina if that's what she's worried about, but that I don't wanna bother her.
it's been over 24 hours now, and nothing. part of me wonders if she changed her mind and blocked my number.
it's just really disheartening because I've had another person string me along and then not respond/continually cancel on me pretty recently. after my college friend group broke up thanks to the serial sexual predator (which is a whole nother story, dw he didn't do anything to me, in fact he refused to talk to me the first time we met when I introduced myself and tried to make polite small talk, and I realized several months later that he didn't engage with me at all because he didn't wanna fuck me 🙃) things have been kind of dire in the irl friends department and it's sad and pathetic and I thought finally here was a girl I really connected with, and she liked gossiping with me at work, and she seemed really really excited at the possibility of being real friends with me, and then nope... not a single response to any of my texts. zip nada zilch.
it's just hard... I was basically socially rejected by everyone in my film program at my uni, then I finally started to make friends at the jewish club and a serial predator with an apartment full of guns who sells stolen lego sets on ebay and does cocaine ruins that, and then I'm at work and now that I'm a manager I'm the boss of most people there and I wouldn't be close friends with most of them anyways and the one girl who I think I could be really close friends with fucking ghosts me after I was brave enough to ask if she'd wanna be friends. it's been like five straight years of rejection for me. I always had friends in k-12, I wasn't a "popular kid" but I was well liked among the venn diagram of gays, nerds, theater kids, and band kids and I had a lot of friends in high school. I don't fucking know what happened. and now I'm on meds that are finally giving me energy and happy chemicals so I wanna go out, I wanna do stuff, I wanna walk around, and I don't wanna be an apartment slug anymore but I don't have anyone to do anything with and there's only so much fun you can have by yourself. and I'm still too shy to go to a bar alone because I know I'll stand in the corner paralyzed by social anxiety. I'm trying bumble bff rn but I'm so shit at responding to people and I kinda hate myself for it and I'm trying to do better but I keep not responding to people for too long and yeah maybe my ex-coworker is stuck in that cycle too idk.
oh yeah and the whole past year of antisemitism makes everything worse because I'm deeply realistically afraid that any goyim I meet are going to be hateful hamasniks <3 so that's a fun lil bonus.
jesus man... idfk. it's just shitty. it's just fucking shitty.
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