#from them. id ontknow. obvs not the smartest move so i just. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

celestialmancer · 6 months ago

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5 years or less...

That's the most time I have left to scramble everything together despite also struggling w my own health & everything I already struggle with. & That's assuming nothing happens in the time span before then that accelerates everything at a rate faster than I can maybe handle

Bc with the unpredictability I seem to live in constantly, with how common it is for me to have shit strike out of nowhere? When I've never even known stability in the first place so I can't even trust that that 5 years won't suddenly be accelerated to less than 2 years or far less than that? Esp when last year was the start of sudden "yeah so we are becoming rly unstable & idk how well we're going to be able to live here for the next x months/years" that was dropped on me out of nowhere?

...I don't know.

#there's just a ton more pressure i feel compounded onto me now if im to want to get away from here before i get shoved into.#the role of the new head of the family & having to be everyone's stability IN FULL. not just emotionally anymore but in every way possible.#i cant. handle that. im sorry but i cant.#i NEED to get away from both parents.#i cannot. be saddled w the responsibility that theyre trying to shove onto me. not when im trying to get away so i can heal.#ig the only other way i can possibly think. of escaping. is through heading back to uni or applying to a uni that ain't in my city.#bc then i can live far away from home. & even if its w debt id still be working towards goals i have anyway & also just. be. away.#from them. id ontknow. obvs not the smartest move so i just.#need to sit down & think what my own plan of action has to be.#i need to start setting up an emergency backup plan.#preferrably one that isn't me doing something drastic or running away w/o a second thought & then shit just getting worse.#i wanna kinda set up a gofundme thing or just have ko-fi links promoted more so i can have some sort of just.#safety net in case of anything. idk. but i dont know how to feel abt that & usually it doesnt rly work for me i guess. idk.#im rn just focused on trying to get things w pharmacy tech stuff dealt with. but. yeah.#im sorry im so venty lately btw. im just.#i dont know what to think or feel anymore.#im going through a lot constantly & it just i cant find it in me to directly reach out constantly to ppl anyway i hate it.#this is def gonna be deleted later bc i hate leaving my mess for anyone to see & i hate anyone seeing im not fine lmao.#but i dont really know where else to really just go off ig idk

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