#i kind of like it? it's better than just solid colours

[cosmic-spectre]

what a peculiar drone...

[lewdlepoodle69]

It's Tome Kurata from Mob Psycho 100! Everyone's favourite normal weirdo. This was a very casual piece so I don't feel there's all that much interesting to say about it unfortunately. It started off as a little flowy gesture doodle, and then I kept working on it. I don't think It's particularly standout compared to other stuff (only because it doesn't have dramatic lighting or really saturated colours, I am shallow). It's just a very nice, solid, normal drawing, and it was easy on the brain. Although... ...I've decided to be more thoughtful about the colours I pick. I really wanted to make this look like early morning golden hour but it ended up looking like a handful of minutes past that. I'm kind of tempted to go back and add more yellow in the highlights, blues in the shadows and bump up the contrast manually, but I'm not sure. It doesn't really feel like the piece to go above and beyond effort wise. In regards to the physicality of the scene, I think it's better than what I'm normally capable of. I'm quite proud of the sense of depth. ( This description is old. )

[koalayoo]

ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ, ʙᴏʏ

michael kaiser x gn!reader

content: pure fluff for the most part, soft! bf kaiser, reference to his backstory, kind of cocky, better than my last fic for sure

author's note: wanted to write a good christmasy bday fic for him. bit late, apologies. not really proofread or beta'd. apologies again.

wc. 1.3k

Kaiser had never celebrated Christmas.

Christmas was also his birthday.

That means Kaiser has never celebrated his birthday.

This was what had become apparent to you in your relationship with Kaiser, when all the walls between you two had become bulldozed and you realised, yeah, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You had come to understand that with Kaiser’s upbringing and all that he would have probably never received a gift from his father. You wonder if at that age he knew what Christmas was.

Then you started tumbling head-first into a hole of unanswered questions. What would he have even done for his birthday? Was anyone there to ever celebrate with him? You knew how bad he had it growing up, you regrettably knew. Part of you wished you didn’t know how bad it was, hoped that sometimes his father grew to be lenient or that maybe the old women in town that would see him around knew his name. Knew him to be more than Michael “professional neighbour thief” Kaiser and instead as the kid he was. That was just wishful thinking though.

He had received gifts, which was expected. He was a pro athlete but he also had Ness from the age of 15 who had most definitely gifted him something you assumed but weren’t privy to the details. However, he hadn’t celebrated. Hadn’t experienced true Christmas joy. He doesn’t know the feeling of waking up early and ripping open the wrapping paper on specially curated gifts that sit under the tree you both decorated together. Hasn’t felt what it’s like making cookies with the radios ruffled Christmas carols sputtering in the background. Wearing matching sweaters while watching stupidly predictable themed rom coms. Making a wreath to put on the front door. Kissing under the mistletoe. Ughhh, there was so much you needed to show him.

So, you did just that.

As soon as December started, you did your utmost best to get him into the festive spirit.

On the 1st, you brought home a tree and excitedly decorated it with Kaiser. Putting various coloured ornaments on, some the typical solid coloured balls, others with stripes and patterns, differing sizes, differing shapes. Then, Kaiser had placed you on his shoulders so that you could place the star on the tippity top despite your insistence it be him.

On the 5th, you went shopping with two very important things in mind. A wreath, and some ugly sweaters. On the way you slipped in some ingredients for cookies too.

On the 14th, you had started wrapping some presents. You had both agreed 3 presents was a good amount to give one another but you couldn’t help but feel a gnaw at the back of your head. It was also his birthday, you just had to double it.

On the 17th, you had put the wreath up which welcomed him home from a long day at practice.

On the 22nd, you had finally worn the sweaters which you had taken a polaroid of before promptly taking them off, sweltering from the heat of the oven that was baking the cookies you both had put hours into making. Later that night, bad christmas movie #1 was watched.

The 23rd and 24th followed a similar routine. Jam out to a different song before you got sick of it and watch another bad christmas movie. 

Then, it was the day.

All the extra presents you hid from him were placed under the tree and you made hot cocoa for two. You had to work quickly, Kaiser was used to waking up at the odd early hours of the morning and there was no doubt he would feel you missing next to him.

Soon, he had stumbled down the stairs and was greeted with you wrapping a blanket around him. You had pulled him down onto the floor and planted a present in front of him, a chaste kiss pressed against his forehead.

“Happy Birthday, handsome.” You whispered softly into the air.

He had begun to wake up more and noticed the excessive amount of presents under the tree. He looked at the presents, then at you, and an eyebrow raised comically.

“And, Merry Christmas too, I guess…” You playfully rolled your eyes with a small smile appearing on your face. “Although that one’s of lesser importance.”

He sighs although he can’t help the small upwards tilt of his lips. “Thought we agreed on 3 each?” “Yeah, but it’s your birthday too! I wasn’t gonna be one of those people, ya know? The ones who just say the Christmas presents are also their birthday presents. You deserve to be celebrated twice.” 

“Yeah but-” And you briefly cut him off because if there was one thing you knew about Kaiser which was wrapped behind layers just like the presents was this feeling of foreboding. That he didn’t deserve this. However, your job as his brilliant partner was to teach him to sit there and take it.

So you started to celebrate, taking turns ripping the presents you both put love and care into wrapping. For every 2 gifts Kaiser opened, you opened one of yours in tandem. You giggled seeing him get you exactly what you wanted and teased him when a small blush appeared on his face when he got the same.

Although, there was one last present you wanted to give him.

A house full of love.

You wanted him to learn this holiday season that you were truly never leaving. Not like his mother, or even his begrudging father. That you were full of love for him and everything that came with choosing him. The arguments, the boundaries, the fear; you couldn’t fix it but you could help and that’s the sentiment you hoped to get across.

Later that day when you finished putting your gifts away and throwing the egregious amount of wrapping paper, you enter the living room to see Kaiser plotting. 

Before you can fully enter he spits out, “Stay right there.” You murmur in acknowledgement and stay put, eyes trailing the figure that is walking towards you suspiciously, one hand placed firmly behind him. You shoot him a questioning look to which he shakes his head, not budging.

“Should invite Ness over.” 

“Why would we do that?” He questions. “Fine with just me and you here, no?”

“Season of forgiveness, champ. Do I need to teach you how to be a good friend too?”

He’s stalked all the way over to you now. He towers above you and the hand he isn’t hiding comes to hold the top of the frame, leaning down towards you. His shirt lifts a little. You look. Then you look back at your boyfriend who has leaned in even closer.

His nose nudges against yours and you knew this was one of his ways of trying to assert dominance with the way a small brazen smirk made its way to his face. Could this guy try not to be a dick for one day? You notice the way his lips brush against yours slightly and you sigh, trying not to be pulled in.

“Answer?”

“Mmm, I’ll think about it?” He chuckles and leans in to swoop your lips against his in a passionate kiss. It didn’t last long because his smile broke the seal between you two apart. His eyes have a gleam in them and they flick up causing you to do the same.

Oh. 

A mistletoe.

“When did you learn about this one?” You whisper softly, genuinely curious.

“I had a tough childhood, doesn’t mean I lived under a rock.” He laughs again, this time more joyfully. You’re not sure whether it’s the fact that he successfully tricked you or that you truly rendered him this clueless.

Then, there’s a knock at the door. You see the sliver of magenta hair through the window panels near the door before you hear him.

Oh.

Maybe Kaiser doesn’t need you to guide him after all.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! Title is from December by Ariana Grande. Thanks for reading!

[reidmania]

to be loved is to be known | s.reid

summary; all spencer needs to know you've had a bad day is to see your comfort movie playing on the tv when he gets home. He then makes it his duty to brighten your day in the little ways.

warnings; fem reader, mentions of bad days, reader is emotional, established relationships, mainly fluff, hurt x comfort.

an; to start beartober!! 1.2k words

beartober masterlist

The soft glow of the television fills the living room, flickering images of your comfort movie casting shadows across the walls. You’re curled up on the couch, wrapped tightly in your favourite blanket, its warmth a soothing cocoon against the weight of the day. It’s been a rough one; the kind that makes you want to disappear into the familiar scenes of a film that knows you better than you know yourself. Everything seemed to go wrong, all you wanted was to hide yourself away from the world.

The sound of the front door creaking open breaks the comfortable silence, and you catch the familiar rhythm of Spencer’s footsteps as he enters. You don’t need to see him to feel the warmth that follows in his wake, a steady presence that you cherish.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greets, his voice a gentle balm. You turn your head slightly, catching a glimpse of him as he leans down to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. It’s a familiar gesture, yet each time it feels like a little spark, igniting something within you, his hand reaches out to brush stray baby hairs away from your forehead.

“Hi,” you reply, managing a small smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You can tell he notices the slight furrow of his brow giving him away, his gaze flickers to the tv, taking note of the movie you were playing, and as if that was an answer in itself, he looks back at you with a light lipped smile.

Without breaking the gaze, he presses a quick, soft kiss against your lip before he straightens up, “I’ll be back in a little bit, okay?” 

You watch him as he heads toward the door, confusion mingling with a flicker of curiosity. “Where are you going?” you ask, but he just smiles, a  warm glint in his eyes, and then he’s gone.

Left in the quiet once more, you return to the movie, but it doesn’t capture your attention as it usually does. Time seems to stretch on, the scenes on the screen blending together as your mind wanders. The warmth of the blanket is comforting, yet you can’t help but feel a twinge of anticipation mixed with uncertainty. You waited for him to be home all day, and he was back for maybe a solid minute and thirty eight seconds before he left again, that left your chest a little heavy with confusion.

Just as you begin to wonder if you should check your phone, the front door swings open again, and Spencer steps inside. He’s holding something behind his back, a broad grin plastered across his face. You sit up a little straighter, curiosity piqued.

“Angel?” he announces, his tone teasing as he reveals a vibrant bouquet of flowers in one hand and a tub of ice cream in the other. “You’re sad” He mumbled, offering an explanation for his sudden delivery as you repositioned on the couch before standing up.

You blink in surprise, your heart swelling as you take in the sight. The flowers are a riot of colours—bright yellows and soft pinks, a cheerful contrast to the grey day outside. The ice cream, you notice, is your favourite flavour, the one that has always made your days a little brighter.

“Oh, Spencer...” Your voice catches, a mix of shock and gratitude flooding your system. “You didn’t have to do all this.” You pouted a frown, your hands slightly shaking. 

He steps closer, the flowers held out like an offering. “But I wanted to. I know you’ve had a rough day, and I thought this might help.” His eyes search yours, filled with sincerity. You take the flowers, inhaling their sweet, fresh scent as you feel warmth prickling at the corners of your eyes. “This is so sweet,” you say, your voice wavering, maybe it was all the emotions of the day catching up to you.

He shrugs, a hint of shyness creeping into his demeanour as he catches sight of your watering eyes. “Angel- Baby no- Don’t cry! It’s just flowers and ice cream– You deserve it, you deserve everything.”

You shake your head, trying to keep your emotions in check. “No, really. It’s more than that. It means so much to me.”

Spencer’s smile widens, and he steps closer, wrapping his arms around you. The embrace is warm and grounding, a safe haven from the chaos of the day. You lean into him, the flowers nestled between you, their vibrant colours a testament to the kindness blooming in your heart. “Do you want me to run you a bath?,” he asks, pulling back just enough to look into your eyes, his voice was gentle and warm. You shake your head, yet feeling the warmth of gratitude spill over, as sweet as the offer was, all you wanted right now was to bury yourself by his side.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks, another offer of comfort. He never seems to run out of offerings to make you feel better. He leads you back to the couch, setting the ice cream down on the coffee table before finding a seat beside you. You arrange the flowers in a vase, letting their beauty fill the room as you prepare to dig into the treat he’s brought.

“Not really” You mumbled out honestly. It wasn’t the sort of thing you talked about, everything was just too much, it was just one of those days where everything seemed to be wrong, and you were tired, and the weather was bad. It was just a bad day. “You’ve done– so much” You shook your head as you looked at the flowers and ice cream. Sure, it's a little thing but it's more about the fact he just – knew. 

Spencer looks at you, a softness in his gaze that makes your heart swell. “I care about you sweetheart” It's a reminder you didn’t know you needed verbally till it left his lips. “I want you to feel loved, especially on days like today.”

You pause, meeting his gaze, feeling the weight of his words. “I know.” And you did, you knew it because Spencer proved it time after time again. 

He nudges your shoulder lightly, a playful spark in his eyes. “You’re not allowed to be sad anymore. I’ve declared it.”

“Is that how it works?” you tease back, feeling lighter already.

“Absolutely,” he says, his tone mock-serious. “If I can make you  feel better at least a little then the day has been a success.” And the playfulness left as soon as it came as his tone returned to so genuine it made your head spin. 

His sincerity makes your chest tighten, and for a moment, you struggle to find the right words. “I really don’t deserve you,” you admit, your voice thick with emotion.

“Don’t say that,” he replies, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You deserve all this and more.”

A lump forms in your throat as you look into his eyes, the warmth of his words wrapping around you like a comforting embrace. You realise how lucky you are to have someone who knows you so deeply, who sees the moments of struggle and responds with love and kindness.

“Thank you,” you finally manage, your voice wavering as you blink back tears.

He smiles softly, and in that moment, you know that everything will be okay. You lean your head against his shoulder, feeling safe and cherished, knowing that with Spencer by your side, even the heaviest days can be softened by the sweetness of his love for you.

[rikebe]

couple of ladybug redesigns ive been doodling while stark raving mad about how this show for little kids doesnt have more badass outfits for the characters. i basically take a crack at these every couple of months but this is the first time im really pleased w what i came up with!

i def wanna come back to these and tweak them or come up with more designs for the other characters. and i esp wanna do a hawk moth chloe..........

long winded explanation of my design concepts unser the cut

ladybug - this is kind of my brain process here. her canon design (the worst one in the show imo) just kinda looks like a polkadot onesie so i really wantes to give her more bug-like features. i gave her black eyes bc i think its really cool when miraculiur holders change eye colours to something unnatural and i think its pretty neat and comicbook-y, and also insect-like. i also gave her bug-wing hairclips and changed her pigtails to twin buns so they had more of a shape contrast to the clips. for all wing details i added turquoise as a third colour to give it some SPICE.

my first designs (1-4) went off the idea of a short dress/coat with puff sleeves to suggest the shape of bug-legs, and the coat tails serving as her wings. i think its a cute design that fits marinette's girly style, but i wasn't quite happy with it.

i had the idea of her sleeves serving as her wings instead of her skirt or coat tails, and looked a little into chinese styles of clothing with big sleeves like this to lean more into marinette being half-chinese. i found a style called hanyuansu, which is modern clothes modified with hanfu elements and took inspiration from looking at a few outfits, so i tried a couple different takes. i really like design 6 with the big coat, but it seems really impractical for crime fighting :/ maybe its like a formalwear alt look lol.

7 is my final design that i'm happiest with, as it has all the elements i wanted but is still simple enough to not feel overloaded. i made the yoyo black for a little contrast and just bc i think it looks really cool!

queen bee - chloe was robbed of a character arc and a cool design. i will avenge her.

this ddsign came to me muchhh easier. a beehive hairdo seemed like a no-brainer, as well as fur trims both because she's a bee and because she's a bougie rich girl. i wanted the look to scream elegance and be a little retro and 60ies-inspired to go with her hairdo. the shape and tights are like a cute minidress married to a fur coat meets bee stinger, which is the vibe i want! the gloves are full chic and also sort of like black insect legs.

again a light blue wing detail for a pop of contrast and just because wings are fucking cool, and it gave me an excuse for 60ies inspired blue eyeshadow! yellow eyes cause i love weird eye colours, and it just looks a little creepy and jaundiced hehe

no mask because everyone knows its's her anyways, so why bother? plus masks are sort of annoying to design around lol. i kept her feelers because theyre really cute!

queen bee x butterfly - ive wanted chloe to become the new hawk moth since the concept was teased. well now my heart is broken forever, but i can still dream!! so this is like, an au where she has a full epic villain arc, keeps the bee and also gets the butterfly miraculous and becomes the new big bad!

i kept a lot of thw elements from the queen bee design but modified them. the dress changes shape into something less like a stinger and more like a chic mini winter coat to match the giant fur trim she has now! obviously huge moth wings are a must, and more of a staff than hawk moth's cane because, hey. she's royalty.

her queen bee feelers change to fuzzy moth ones, and the colours are a little different to match better with purple! plus a butterfly mask now, and white eyes with solid yellow irises to diffirenciate her from.......

hawk moth - who is a fashion designer and should really have a better look!

i gave him solid white eyes to make him look less human and goofy, and again for that cool comic-booky look.

i based the whole design on wanting his silouette to mimic thw butterfly miraculous, so i kept and exaggerated his canon lapels and added two pointy coat tails for the bottom of the wings.

the long coat is a bit more dramatique and less basic, and i tried to give his mask a little flourish to keep him from looking so much like a silver thumb.

the only place i kept the silver is for the vest, which is segmented to imitatw to look of a butterfly or moth's belly. i spent the least amount of time on this one but i'm pretty happy with it for a rougher draft than the other three designs.

[aurorialwolf]

so what if i told yall that maybe i had a slightly angsty idea when it came to Sam and Darlin having a kid.. (w/ sams genetics, doesnt have to be genetically darlins) (also the onlyyy part of this that is canon is that Sam's eyes are brown, otherwise im making stuff up)

Sam who anxiously awaits his child's birth, practically pacing a trench into the floor, until the day of delivery, and he finally holds his child in his arms. He's nervous for this new phase of life, but with the support of his partner and the pack, he believes he can overcome any generational problems, ending his family's cycle of abuse.

The baby is healthy, and is growing well. Their eye colour hasn't come in yet, but Sam is hopeful that they'll have his brown eyes, even if it may bring back memories of before his turning.

One day, when his baby has just reached 7 months of age, they're on the couch together, Sam bouncing the baby on his knee and Darlin watching fondly. Then, Sam notices that his baby's eyes look different, and there's a solid colour there, something that must've been coming in gradually for a while. But they aren't brown eyes.

They're bright green, just like his fathers eyes, like his brothers and sisters eyes. His family has had green eyes as a dominant trait for generations, due to a long ancestry of mainly green alleles being present. He was an outlier, as was his grandmother, who also had brown eyes.

But now, all he sees is a reflection of a family he left behind, a family he escaped, a family that haunted his nightmares for years after moving. This doesn't change his love for his child, but every time he looks at them, that's what he remembers.

The kid grows up healthy and happy, and Sam does successfully break the cycle of abuse. They're his spitting image, all except the eyes, and they act like a mix of him and Darlin', reckless, but caring, and kind. They don't remind him of his family anymore, and this is good, as that was a hurdle in Sam's recovery from trauma that he had to overcome.

Eventually, the kids core activates, and they become a Freelancer, making Sam overjoyed, although a bit nervous. It's hard to teach a new Freelancer after so many years without a Freelancer core. He perseveres, and succeeds in teaching the child some small magic, simple elemental command.

He steps back to watch them attempt to mimic his demonstration, only to see a trait he hasn't seen in 28 years; the kids eyes seem to shimmer a brighter green as they focus their magic for the spell. It startles him, reminding him of his brothers eyes before he shocked him with electricity, something he did repeatedly when they were younger, after his brother had unlocked his core. He manages to clamp down any response he might've given, and watches as his child manages to carve a cube from the ground, using only their magic.

They look to him excitedly for approval, their eyes still emitting a faint green glow, and he smiles back warmly, praising them for learning so quickly.

Maybe he really can do this, and be a better parent than either of his parents were to him, despite all the hurdles.

@nevaroonie :D

[enkas-illusion]

Double Trouble

Fandom / Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen / Gojo Satoru x f!reader

Rating: SFW

Genre/Theme: Established relationship; non-sorcery au

Content warning: fluff, suggestive, no smut, language.

Summary: Boyfriend!Satoru with a twin and they're exact copies of each other, down to their mannerism so they often switch places just to test how long it takes for you to figure out you're talking to the other one.

Author's Note: The one where he isn’t the only Honoured one. I hope you enjoy this one shot. Thank you for reading! 

~ Eren’s Birdie

Song Dedication: Say Yes by Loco, Punch

Satoru Gojo was everything you could've asked for in a partner. He was kind, funny, intelligent, sexy, and had better emotional maturity than most men despite being somewhat of a nihilist in his own way – perfect was the word to describe him.

The only problem was that he was a bit too much to handle at times, or dare one say, a bit *too many, – meaning his mother gave birth to him and thought ‘he's perfect!’ so she popped another xerox copy 2 minutes later.

And thus were born Satoru and Soichiro, the most identical twins in the history of twins. The two not only shared the same face but had gained quite some notoriety among friends and family for sharing the same brain cell as well. 

While you had no reason to complain about their flawless personalities, they'd taken a liking to mess with you each time they got together. One would think they'd go easy with the pranks if it's someone they love, right? Wrong! It meant the shit you had to endure was way worse than any other normal friend would have to.

On one such instance, Soichiro tagged along with Satoru after work and it wasn't until halfway through dinner that your instinct went off and you figured out it was the twin who was sitting next to you instead of your boyfriend as usual. Later that night, you'd warned Satoru about it, presenting a solid argument even he couldn't resist.

“You know I almost grabbed his thigh under the table tonight!”

“No, you didn't,” Satoru scoffed.

“Okay, maybe not. But it’s highly likely that I could've! Ummm… what if one day you return home and I greet you in some skimpy lingerie but instead of you, it’s your brother who sees me, all titties out???” You were grasping at straws really.

“Will you do that!?” His ears perked up.

“Not the point, Toru…”

“Hmm… okay fine, I won't let it get that far,” he assured you. 

“But you'll still continue to tease me?” You huffed and he nodded his head, smiling innocently. You rolled your eyes at him, complaining about how he was the ��worst’ while he simply gave you a bear hug and a few kisses to make it up to you.

~~~

So, even after being with Satoru for more than a year, you still did not know how to distinguish between the two. The only people to do so in a split-second were his parents. You had once sat the twins down to compare their faces for any tiny details you might’ve missed but you came up short regardless. 

You could only tell the difference by instinct, after having a conversation with them – maybe you were more delusional than you'd like to admit but to you, Satoru's voice held a lot of love each time he called your name.

In an attempt to distinguish the two, you thought you'd successfully managed to get Satoru to dye his hair black with temporary colour last time you went to their family house, only to find out Soichiro had done the same and was waiting for you, waving his arm at you in the driveway with a victorious grin.

So when you don't find the twin greeting you like a devil inviting you to hell this time, you turn to your boyfriend who's undoing his seatbelt.

“Listen to me, Satoru,” you grab his collar to turn him to look at you as you speak in a serious tone, “Please don't fuck with me this time. One of these days, I might really embarrass myself due to your games.”

“I'm betting on it baby,” he grins as he gives you a quick peck before swiftly making his way out of the car to avoid your scolding. You were going to stay at his parents’ country house for a weekend and you could already tell it was going to be a long weekend.

You sigh as you grab your bag and he opens the door for you before pulling the bag out of your hand and holding his hand out for you. It's impossible to be annoyed at Satoru for long when he pulls shit like this.

When you enter the house, Satoru excuses himself to find his father and you make your way to the backyard garden where you guess his mother might be. You smile to yourself when your guess is right.

“How can I help?” You smile, making his mother turn to look at you. She gently puts the shovel down next to the plants she's depotting.

“Hello dear, you've arrived just in time… would you mind bringing the remaining pots? They’re near the window in the reading room,” she instructs and you nod as you make your way back inside.

You walk the long corridor before you reach your destination, making your way to the window where the pots were placed. You lift two in each hand, holding them with care, trying not to drop them or stain your t-shirt. 

“Need some help?” you hear a voice and turn around to see the other twin at the door. The only reason you can tell it's Soichiro is because he's wearing a grey t-shirt and black sweatpants as opposed to your boyfriend who was wearing a purple hoodie and coal grey pants. 

“Hey Sochi, could you pick the last one?” You motion your head in the direction of the last pot, “Gotta move it to the garden.”

He nods before picking up the pot and walking with you, back to the backyard garden. 

“Did you arrive before us? I didn't see your car in the driveway,” you make conversation along the way.

“My car's out for servicing. I arrived with the mothership yesterday when she was in town shopping,” he explains.

“Hmm…” you nod as you stop near the area where the soil has been rooted out of the ground, “here.” 

You motion to him to keep the pot down and he obeys as he leans down to place them there gently. You're busy looking around to find Mrs. Gojo when you hear him speak, “Anything else, princes–”

Your eyes widen as your head snaps back to look at him.

“SATORU!” you gasp at the nickname that accidentally slips out of your boyfriend's name, making you realise it's not his twin.

“Soichiro! Leave my poor girl alone,” the other blondie walks out wearing the exact same clothes. You look between the two as you stare in disbelief, not being able to tell who's who.

You're about to speak when you hear their mom's voice as she moves closer to you, pressing an arm gently around your shoulder, “Satoru… I'd expect you of all people to be nice to her,” shaking her head at the twin standing next to you.

You were right! The twin next to you is Satoru!

“No, it's okay! The best way to deal with them is to avoid both of them the entire weekend,” you give your boyfriend the fakest smile you can muster up as you walk hand in hand with his mother to fulfil your gardening duties.

As it's the only exact identical matching outfit the twins have, they don't mind wearing it all weekend. As the day progresses, you find yourself working your brain full time to notice any difference you can find, but the guys are relentless to the point where even their sleeves are rolled to the exact same length.

And of course, the whole day is spent the way you’d dreaded and almost predicted it’d be like. Later when you’re out on the porch having coffee and watching the sunset with your boyfriend, you notice Satoru has an insect bite on the side of his wrist.

“Toru?” you question, wanting to make sure you have the right twin next to you.

“Hmm?” he peels his eyes away from the pretty sunset to look at you. 

“Kiss me?” you ask softly.

“Wha– is this a test?” He raises an eyebrow.

“You know what, nevermind… I just felt like it cause this is the first time we’ve been alone all d–” your words are cut off by his lips capturing yours. You smile into the kiss as Satoru cups your face, caressing your cheek.

Satoru check completed! You make a mental note to observe his wrist for the mark each time you interact with the twins.

After dinner when everyone's lazing around in the living room and watching whatever reality tv show is playing in the background, you excuse yourself to go to the washroom. Roaming around, you end up in Satoru's old bedroom. It's endearing seeing how you can still find pieces of his current personality, likes, hobbies and interests in bits, plastered everywhere around his room.

You find yourself craving some alone time with your boyfriend all of a sudden so you pull your phone out to text him to come up to his room. You only have to wait a few minutes before you hear a knock on the door.

“It's open,” you say as you place the book that you were holding back on the shelf. With a big grin, you extend your arm out to him and he takes it.

“Hello, darling,” he says in a playful tone and your eyes briefly glance at his wrist. No mark. It's Soichiro. He pulls you into a hug and pats your head.

Fine. If your boyfriend still wants to mess with you even when you’re needy for him, he's gonna get his payback. You decide at that moment – this switcharoo bullshit stops today.

You smile innocently at Soichiro as you pull away, your hands travel up to his chest to push him back till he falls on the bed.

You hop on top of him to straddle him but are careful enough to not actually make any sort of inappropriate contact, hovering above without closing the gap between your bodies. You simply wanted to push him enough to get him uncomfortable and to confess.

You can see the nervousness on his face as he clears his throat to come up with an excuse to get out of this situation without making it awkward, “T-the door’s open, let me–”

“It’s just us Toru… I doubt anyone’s gonna bother coming up to find us anyway,” you purr as you lean your body forward, placing your palms on the sides of his head to support your weight. You start feeling anxious too, you need him to break soon or you’d have to abandon the act, so you persist and whisper in his ear, “You look so sexy, I’ve been wanting to feel you inside me all day, Satoru.”

You cringe internally at your own words. But in that moment, you can see his face get paler than it usually is and you want to laugh at how nervous he looks when he hits his limit at your lewd comments.

“Wait, I’m no–” Soichiro pushes you by the shoulders as he begins in panic, another voice interrupts, pushing the half-open door forcefully, “Baby, wait!”

You feel a large arm hook around your waist to pull you away. As you stumble to your feet, breaking free from his hold, you turn around to see an annoyed Satoru, knitting his eyebrows as he looks at you. He looks more annoyed at himself than at you.

“Satoru?” you question as you bring up a hand to his cheek.

“Yes, baby?” he asks in that loving tone you’re so used to as he wraps his arms around your waist tighter.

You smile as you caress his cheek, trying hard to hold in your laughter, “What… A… Dumbass!”

You burst out laughing as you break free from his embrace and he stares at you in disbelief. You look from him to Soichiro, who’s already stood up from the bed as you hold your stomach, hurting from laughing so much, “That should teach you both!”

“Well then, I’m gonna go watch tv with the only two sensible people in this house,” you wave the baffled twins goodbye and turn around to leave the room. The very next second, you’re taken by surprise when you feel a hand grab your wrist to keep you from moving.

You turn around to see that your boyfriend seems… mad at you?

“Sochi, do you mind? I wanna talk to her alone,” Satoru motions his brother to leave the room.

“Yikes, just keep it quiet,” the twin chuckles in embarrassment as he walks out hastily. You hear the door close behind you before footsteps recede down the hallway.

You look at Satoru, expecting him to speak up. But your boyfriend simply grabs both of your wrists before twisting them behind your back and closes the distance between your bodies.

“Waitttt… is this Toru or Sochi? It is impossible to tell!” your words are dry and sarcastic as you giggle at him.

“Baby, I don’t think you’re in a position to be laughing at me right now,” he towers over you, his grip on your waists tightening.

“But here we are! I told you not to mess with me,” you chuckle as you try to wriggle your wrists out of his grip.

“And I’ve warned you not to press my buttons… or do I need to remind you again?” he grunts as he flips you around, walking you to the bed till your knees hit the edge of the bed, making you stumble on the mattress with him behind you. He brings a hand to the back of your head to press your face down into the mattress and you take this opportunity to try to hold him. He tsks at your movement before moving away from your completely.

You flip your body around to lie on your back and see what’s going on, only to find him rummaging through his closet. When Satoru turns around to walk back towards the bed, you notice two ties in his hands. 

This isn’t how you’d expected your little prank to turn out but you definitely weren’t complaining. However, just as Satoru straddles you, grabbing your wrists, his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“What?” he groans into the speaker.

“Mum’s calling you both downstairs,” you hear Soichiro’s voice on the other end.

You press your lips together to keep yourself from laughing as Satoru groans once again before cutting the call with a ‘be right there’.

“I think god sent a guardian angel disguised as your mom for me,” you chuckle as you sit up, making your way out from under him.

“You’re lucky,” Satoru grabs your jaw, “but don’t get ahead of yourself, guardian angel can't save you past her bedtime.”

You poke your tongue out to tease him, breaking free and springing out of the bed, mumbling a ‘whatever’, walking out towards the living room. 

As you make your way back down the hall, you hear your boyfriend’s footsteps behind you. You smile to yourself as you begin to brew different ideas of riling him up further throughout the night.

~fin~

[chipchopclipclop]

i just started rewatching soul eater for the first time since i was 15 and Stein is so much more interesting to me than he was then... what are ur soul eater thoughts chip if youre willing to share

i did not experience soul eater as a wee youth, the first time i watched (and then read it) was 4 years ago (give or take) so i do not have the beautifully tinged nostalgia for the series others might. i say this only bc it colours my thoughts of the series pretty well lmao.

the anime is alot better than the manga just by virture of bones' animation being incredible but also its like 40% less painfully fucking horny (though still is its shounen) and the way some of that plot goes in the second half is so fucking bad in the manga (though not all, but god). It's not like the anime gets rid of everything like that stupid ass argument black star has with maka still makes me want to murder him but ultimately i like the anime and its writing more. i think my minds canon is just a meld of parts i like from both lol.

ohkubo is also just on my top ten list of mangaka i need to actually kill like hes a solid #3 on the needs to die list. his designs and art improvement were fun to watch and i do love halloween world and his toony stuff, undeniably bangs, but you can really tell by the end where his transformation into horny moe artist came from. sometimes i see people shocked by this and soul eater not's existence and i have to think did we read the same fucking manga...??

sorry i needed to get my bitching out before talking about stein. i love stein. so many things wrong with him. he is 70% of the reason i got around to watching it and 95% of the reason i kept reading it. i think how expressive he is is alot of his charm, like he does alot of moe body language you might not expect of his type of chara.

hes #crazy and #madscientist and #edgy and #insaneasylum but also very silly and whimsical... kind of emblematic of the world of soul eater at large actually, this is also alot of the other characters appeal in this universe too (DEATH THE KID).

he's obsessive, hes empathetic, hes also sadistic, hes got a screw in his head, megane, fun with kids, perfect man. hes also got both an equal capacity for getting worse and better in him which can be fun to think about in either direction, and you've got characters that do influence him either way for that in the series. im also kind of remembering clicking the screw in his head is to help somewhat deal with his mental state actually, king of the disability aid...(?)

you can treat his character very seriously or lightheartedly, i think the writing in both versions maintains that balance well. It also makes everyone else who actually sticks around him somewhat deranged too (the fact he did surgery on spirit at school but spirit still interacts like pretty normally at work with him after meeting again. lmfao. THEY WENT DRINKING TOO) the fact he still calls spirit senpai also is so funny. its like 40% a dig at him but also 60% genuine. i hate gay people btw.

i like the thought that he was more stoic when he was younger but as he got older stopped trying to hide his eccentricities as much, and became more expressive lol. younger stein to me is a guy screaming in his head 247 but looking like 😐 while spirit stares at him trying to decipher what his eyelid twitching today means.

[alpinesmommy]

worship in decay ( bucky barnes x reader)

Warnings: female!reader, dubious consent, lots of alcohol consumption, mentions of casual sex, addiction mentions, the avoidance of genuine feelings, foul language, self-destructive behaviors, self-hatred?, self-esteem issues, parent issues, childhood trauma, bucky is no saint, but he tries to be a good boy, mentions of mental health.

Author’s note: this was affectionately nicknamed the hoe fic. i have been working on this for the better part of the past two (three?) months. im still adding, re-writing and editing a lot of the chapters. so far i have 7 chapters planned, though this may change as it's expanding by the second. weekly updates are planned, and to be perfectly honest this is just self-indulged and an ode to the sluts. please validate me, feedback is welcome. also sorry i've been gone for so long (i got married)

MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY

PROLOGUE 

You don’t know why you do it. 

You suppose you could put the blame on your absent father, or the degradation and restrained hatred your mother held for you. You remember being that small child – begging for their love. 

Now you find it in the hands of strangers. 

Maybe you could blame it on the liquor that burns your throat and melts the ice off your bones and paints the world in some rose-coloured hue.

Or maybe (and this is the part that scares you most) you’re just truly a despicable human being, in which all of the ugly parts of your parents made you whole. 

You try not to think too much about that. So you find comfort in the warmth of bodies, the hunger in kisses, the worship of strange men that bring you closer to God than any religion could. 

At the end of the day; human beings are mammals at their core, it’s a dog eat dog world, and you’re starving.

‿︵‿︵ - - ‿︵‿︵ 

Waking up in the 21st century initially shook Bucky to his core.

American culture had fallen into a frenzy of degeneracy that could’ve made James Buchanan Barnes cry. 

But he wasn’t James Buchanan Barnes anymore, he was something else.

And he was already desensitized to the dread of the world thanks to the recollection of his own mental house of horrors.

He just couldn’t believe there were more people like him.

People who are more desperate, self-serving, and shameless, he notices. He feels right at home with them. 

Let them say Bucky Barnes was their king. 

That debauched urgency to chase a temporary high to replace the self-hatred even just for a little while was something he and these kinds of people shared.

Addicts, the depraved, the lost, the broken. 

He's learned quickly that being brainwashed and kept on ice for the past 70 years really took a toll on his libido, go figure. He’s like a damn teenager full of raging hormones wanting to stick his dick in anything that moves. Now all he craves is the warmth of a human, living breathing body beneath him while their essence fills the holes in his soul. 

What surprises him more is that they let him. They let his blood stained hands all over their silken soft skin, they let his rotted essence into their core, infecting them, tainting them, over and over, and they enjoy it.

His teeth graze their neck, and they should be scared that the Winter Solider could rip their throat out in a millisecond.

Instead, they coo and sigh and hold onto him tighter. It's addictive.

He loves them, every single one, for one reason or another. 

This one makes pretty noises in his ear and smells like candy, that one has a beauty mark beneath her left eye and can make him laugh, those other ones look pretty in sundresses and make him breakfast in the morning. 

They all give him something, things he never knew he needed. To be adored, taken care of, loved.

[csuitebitches]

I apologize for the long ask and if this question is a bit juvenile but objectively, how can one “gain” pretty privilege/gauge how they are viewed? I’ve done well in career pursuits for how early on I am ( I graduated in 2020) but started noticing that the invites to events/opportunities where one can really establish themselves not only professionally but socially, I was getting passed over by some higher up colleagues. In speaking to a female mentor who is related to my field and the same background as me (Black), she alluded that while my race may play a small factor in it, it’s more so my appearance that may be holding me back as the personality and poise is there. Some coworkers of mine who are brilliant and POC have similar credentials and positions as I and while we are all wonderful and hard working, they (who I feel are more beautiful and put together looks-wise) have discussed privately to me they have noticed a difference in treatment between us. While it’s not right, I am adult enough to know not to let things that can be fixed hinder the life I want. Your page is a wealth of information and I appreciate how encouraging you are!!

well. I’m going to be very blunt.

it’s all fun and games to say “oh fuck the beauty standards they’re terrible and they shouldn’t exist” yes, true, unfortunately they do exist and they play a bigger role than we imagine it to be.

the first thing you have to get right is your mindset.

you need to be strong enough to admit that you need changes in X, Y, Z area but not in A, B, C area. You also need to be a little loyal towards your racial identity (for the better or worse) because that’s what is going to make you stand out.

if you have a sensitive, overly emotional mindset and you get hurt very easily / become obsessive by nature, I highly recommend you to STOP reading now.

Understand what is considered pretty in your country and area. Even in one country, beauty standards can different from the north and south. Don’t exactly try to become attractive for the opposite sex but understand what they find attractive because these guys are your primary responders to your pretty privilege. Women will be kind on the surface and so it can be difficult to get constructive criticism from them.

Understand what YOU consider pretty. Who are the women who you think are crazy beautiful? What do they look like, dress like, how’s their hair and their make up, can you replicate any of it? Rule of thumb when it comes to hair and beauty - look at influencers / celebs who are of your racial background for the best fit.

there are always a few things that are universally considered “respectfully attractive” not “you wanna fuck me attractive”- semi modesty/ modesty outfits (my father always told me that when in doubt, go for a more conservative look), hygiene, well kept hair, clean nails and toe nails, soft skin, natural make up, natural hair colour, perfume, clothes that fit, skin care, a workout routine.

pretty privilege is not just the art of looking pretty. It’s also bringing in something of value on the table. Value = money / connections / knowledge/ humour / being the fun social person / whatever value the target group considers to be the most important for you to be relevant to them. Work on your soft skills. It’s better to look half baked but have solid soft skills than to look amazing and not know how to converse.

things that one normally notices when meeting someone new:

Skin - is it clear, is the make up overdone?

hair - is it messy or does it suit your face structure?

how you smell

teeth, when you talk - and dental hygiene

shoes - are they filthy?

shirt/ top - does it fit you well (always check that the seams on your shoulder and your actual shoulder line up), the colour of your clothes

body type, posture, how you carry yourself

start with incremental changes. Make a list of things you think you could improve on (this is not a list of “ugly” things, it’s an “improvement/ potential” list). Sort them according to ease of improvement (is this going to be expensive and difficult or affordable and easy?) and time (can this be done overnight or will it take some time).

Use point 1 and 2 only as launching pads. You do not have to look like Beyoncé, you’re simply understanding what her MUA and hair stylist does for her that could work for you. After a point, you have to ensure that YOUR identify sticks out and is still there, you’re not born to imitate someone else and also, it’s very obvious when someone is trying to be someone they’re not.

again. I repeat. If you’re going to get obsessive and make yourself sick over this it’s NOT WORTH IT. If you’re not mentally capable of making these changes, do not go through it.

[adobe-outdesign]

have you ever done a kiko review?

Kikos are one of the more unique Neopets, working as kind of a counterpoint to the Jubjub by having a round body with clawed hands and arms but no legs, and being smooth instead of furry (they're also aquatic, though that doesn't factor into the design much). Oddly enough they also have a pair of bandages on their heads, which has never been explained in-universe and I don't think was ever really explained out-of-universe either.

In terms of base colors, Kikos just have one solid color for their bodies with blue eyes. It's simple, but it works, and most of the hues they picked out are pleasant.

As for the rest of the design, Kikos are weird because they are very detail-specific—how good they look depends entirely on the following:

Defined muzzle/nose vs completely round

Larger pupils/highlights vs smaller

Mouth length

Eye spacing

Kikos can look very, very cute when they're portrayed with no nose, big pupils, close eyes, and a small mouth. When they're not, they tend to look offputting. How does the current design fare? Not... great.

With the original, the eyes were close together, there was no muzzle, and the mouth was small, making them look much more appealing. Don't get me wrong, they were in bad need of a redraw—the old art was dated, with bad shading and a poor sense of depth—I just don't think the direction they choose was the best. Here's an attempt at a combining the designs; it's obviously not perfect but it's maybe a bit closer?

Another thing that I dislike about the customized version is that the bandage was always the worst part of the Kiko's design, so you'd think they would make it a wearable, which would make sense. Nope! Outside of paying for Antenna & Horns Be-Gone! in the NC mall, you're stuck with that bandage. What a strange choice.

Favorite Colours:

Coconut: A new release, the coconut Kiko is super fun! I like the choice of making it a drink instead of just a normal coconut, and stuff like the leaf arms really go the extra mile (though weirdly enough they're wearable, while the umbrella isn't for some reason). The texturing on the body is realistic but not over-bearing, and the bandage blends in so you don't have to look at it too much. I do think the semi-transparent eyes are a little odd, but overall this one's pretty great.

Halloween: Making the Halloween Kiko a pumpkin was an obvious choice, and it works very well with the Kiko's round body shape. It also plays around with the head hair in a cute way by making it into the pumpkin's stem. My only issue is that they kept the head bandage for some reason, and if you remove the outfit in customization, you end up with... a second, smaller bandage underneath. What?

Both versions on this one are good; the customized version lacks a muzzle and thus is better-looking than most other converted Kikos, and the sense of depth and ability to take off the costume is nice, while the unconverted looks a bit more like an actual pumpkin.

Maraquan: Based off a user design, the Maraquan Kiko is both pretty and fun. A clam was a great choice, and the colors used for the shell are beautiful. Also really like the use of a starfish in place of the standard bandages. I just wish they dropped the hair—it's already a bit weird on the regular Kiko, but it looks even more out-of-place here.

BONUS: I have to give the transparent Kiko a shoutout for having to answer the question "what is a Kiko's anatomy" and not doing a terrible job at it. The head and body make about as much sense as they can, and the transparent bandages are a nice touch. For extra fun, you can also apply mouth-be-gone for a slightly creepier look.

[eybefioro]

Yesterday @isiaiowin and I shared our contribution for GOetry pillow fight week 4 (you can read it here !). Together with the poem, both of us also painted something, and this is mine :D

[Timelapse and rambling under the cut, as usual]

AAAAAAAAAA I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING WITH MOON. She's incredible at this, and jumping ideas with her was sooooo good! And then the back and forth of sharing the poems was so nice 😭 I wrote Michael’s POV in this one... she was supposed to be more snarky and bossy at first but then I got too sappy 😂 I'm not mad about it though, all the love talk in the poem fits very well with the pillow fight, and honestly, I was in need to writing something very soft. This ship is also soooo good. I love Angelfish (or Institutional problem, as I like to call it 😂) so much. I should write more about them in the future. Maybe a human/office AU...

Anywaaaays. This is a different style than all my other drawings. I always tried to go for clean and smooth lines, and never messy/sketchy ones. The thing is, as I worked on the sketch I really start to like how it was looking, and when I tried to make the linear using it only as a base (as I usually do) it lost all charm. The line art wasn't looking good this time. So I just... abandoned it and embrace chaos lol

I cleaned up a bit the sketch,and defined better the shapes with a thicker pen, adding more details with finer lines here and there. I reeeeally love the result; I mean, I know it can be better, and that I can take this further, but for a first try with this kind of style I think it looks surprisingly nice.

I like how it gives a bit of a pencil drawing quality to it, something that I'd probably doodle in the back of my notebook, but it was lacking texture. The pen I was using for the lines didn't have any, just a clean straight one I use for sketches and the final line art, so I tried to compensate in the colouring.

I discovered some really good pens for texture that are native from ibis paint, and I used them here. I think it worked well enough. I didn't want to paint everything in solid colours, but rather give the idea of colour like I'd do with colour pencils. So I just filled in near the borders, making it soft and not completely opaque, showing the white of the "paper" behind.

Speaking of colours... aaaaaagh the combination of Dagons blue/green skin with her guger hair is soooo nice. I never stopped to appreciated it before and I was so wrong for it. I love her outfit, and the makeup they used for her in the show, and her scales... and the same goes for Michael. Her hair in the show is just perfection, and the subtle gold in her makeup drives me crazy, so I tried to put it in the spotlight for a but here. In my head Michael’s skin is golden and no one will convince me otherwise now <3

I'm thinking of playing with this style of drawing more now. It made me very happy to not aim for a perfect line art, and the soft colour are so pleasing to me.

Go read our poem!! I loved writing it, and I hope you will enjoy it too. I do feel like this art fits with the feeling of the poem, and so does Moon's art. It's incredible the way she paints skin!! I am still looking at those ears aaaaaaaaaaa

[traintomoon]

BIRTHDAY REDEMPTION

summary: where tangerine finds himself at your door, with an apology and some other unintended confessions.

In the dimly lit room, Tangerine and Lemon meticulously scrubbed away any traces of their misdeeds. In a rather odd nature, the music blasting from the radio made the scene unserious. Tangerine sighed, holding the bloody mop in his hands. The floor looked decent now after hours of scrubbing. But the heaviness of metal sat solid in air.

Lemon looked up with a different look in his gaze. "Oi, it was y/n's birthday a few days back. We completely missed it."

Tangerine, usually unflappable, froze for a moment, his expression revealing a rare vulnerability. The look of your face flashed in his eyes, making the knot in his stomach tighter. "What? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Lemon, scrubbing harder as if trying to cleanse more than just the crime scene, continued cautiously. "Didn't think it was a big deal to you, mate. But I've seen the way you look at her. You might wanna make it right."

A wave of guilt washed over Tangerine's face. Without another word, he abandoned the job and dashed out, driven by a sudden urgency to make amends. The cold exterior that usually surrounded him melted away as he raced to your place, his embarrassment outweighing any lingering reluctance.

You hadn't thought much about your coworkers missing your birthday. You had eaten a cupcake after long works of stalking people suspected of smuggling drugs. You had thought of Tangerine and Lemon while blowing out the single candle too, but you won't accept it. Not even in your deepest emotions.

Just as you were preparing to get some sleep, there were loud knocks on your door. You were annoyed at the clamour. You tied a robe around your waist, cursing at the uninvited guest.

"I'm not fucking deaf. Holy shit."

The door creaked open, revealing Tangerine standing there, disheveled. He looked like he had abandoned a war to get there.

"Tangerine? What's... what's going on?"

His gaze briefly met yours, and for a moment, you saw vulnerability in his eyes—something you hadn't witnessed before. He shifted uncomfortably.

"What the fuck am I doing? I must have lost my fucking brain." Tangerine muttered under his breath.

"Tan, what's going on?"

The man in front of you took a deep breath, gathering his composure back. "Oi, listen here, I'm sorry. Forgot your bloody birthday. My bad, love."

Confusion mingled with amusement as you processed his unexpected admission. Tangerine, the enigmatic figure with a guarded demeanor, was standing on your doorstep, practically unraveling. The same person who didn't blink when you got shot in the leg last year.

"Are you sick? You came all the way here to say this? I appreciate it, Tan. But it's just a stupid birthday."

The air suddenly was filled with tension you didn't expect to feel.

"Look. I care about my apology because we work the kind of job that doesn't guarantee the security of life." If the lights were dim, you wouldn't have witnessed a small blooming colour cover Tangerine's cheeks.

"You could've texted."

"Texted? Blimey, love, I'm more of a face-to-face bloke, ain't I?" Tangerine refused to meet your eyes. You felt like he was hiding something more. That was until you saw some blood on the side of his forehead.

"I really hope this isn't yours." You held his hand, pulling him inside, closer to you. He felt a rush of heat reach his head when you pressed your thumb on his skin, wiping away the red.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Tangerine's voice came out low. You met his eyes, something hidden flashing in them. This handsome man looked even better close up.

"You tell me. Why are you acting weird? You like me Or something?" You surprised yourself at the bravery of your questions.

Tangerine blinked, refusing to put distance between you two. He drew slightly closer. "Why? Do I need to ask your parents' permission, love?"

"No." Your eyes moved down to his lips. Your hand now rested on his chest. The thumping inside his chest vibrated against your fingertips.

"Shall I bloody kiss you then? Because this is frustrating me."

Before you could process it, Tangerine, typically a man of few words, let his actions speak. In a sudden, daring move, he cupped your face, his lips meeting yours in a feathery touch. You kissed him back, making him melt in your wordless answer.

[dollauras]

Review of Yummiland! 🫐

Doll

I decided to get Rory Blueberry and the first thing I noticed after getting her out of the package is that she smells very strongly of fake/chemically blueberries mixed with rubber

After I got Rory out the actual lipgloss packaging was genuinely some of the most difficult doll packaging I have tried to open, it also came with four sheets of instructions but it’s in like 20 different languages (also the instructions say that the bubblegum on Bianca is not removable)

Her clothes are similar to an lol tots doll as they are rubber and open in the back (her skirt is actually a solid piece but it is easy to slip on)

She is also like an lol tot because her head can pop off very easily 🥲

Her skin tone is similar to Skylar Bradshaw

Her hair is translucent and rubbery, but it is not removable (I’m sure you could if you tried)

She can also stand on her own!

Lipgloss

The lipgloss has glitter in it!

And it has a chunky wand!

The smell of the gloss base before adding the mix was kind of chemically, not too pleasant but not the worst if anyone was thinking of leaving their lip gloss as is

The scent add in doesn’t smell very blueberry to me, there is barely a hint of synthetic blue scent

The little keychain thing that is supposed to be on the lipgloss is not very sturdy and honestly can and will fall off so it is not for any practical use

The scent mixed in is a little more noticeable when the product is on your lips but it is not

Adding in the colour was a bit scary because I don’t exactly want blue lips but I decided to just put it all in and I’m very happy to say that the blue colour is VERY minimal (if you weren’t actively looking for it my lips are not notably blue)

The product does feel more like a lip oil rather than a lip gloss, adding in the colour and the scent mixtures did make it less viscous

The taste of it when it gets in your mouth is still not exactly blueberry but it definitely doesn’t taste atrocious, it tastes like normal lip products (note: I tested this by licking my lips with the product on, I did not straight up consume the lipgloss)

Overall it feels pretty good on my lips, better than I would have expected from a toy brand! I will probably be getting another one of these cuties!

[serve-corps]

Joanne Harcourt x fem reader

Joanne helps you with your English homework and let's you know, he knows you're actually a girl, turns out he doesn't care about gender!🤷🏼‍♀️

also, here is an ASMR of Joanne that I made that this story is based on

Footsteps were heard along the cement path as the Scarlet Fox House dormitory for the third year’s door opened. The footsteps continued as the door shut behind it.

A casual hello and greeting were exchanged between the normal students and a blonde sweetheart, all soft smiles and lovey-dovey eyes directed at the very well-known prefect's drudge.

He really was Cole's replacement; he was just as pretty if not far more. However, he was dependable and kind, caring and sweet, he would never harm a soul. Must have gotten that gentle nature from his two older sisters I suppose.

Despite being a kind soul, he was also independent. Him going to Weston collage often reminded you of a baby bird leaving the nest for the first time, spreading its wings at Weston.

The blonde made his way through the years of said collage with only a few hiccups, but he was loved no less, he was friendly with all, well, minus Cole.

As he opens the doors to his room, entering with a soft click behind him, the doors shut. He dragged his feet to his bed which was relatively comfortable. It was far better than what he had as a first year. Damn, he can feel his back aching just thinking about it. It must have been a stone slab covered by a sheet; it was rock solid!

He sat down with an umf as he sighed, feeling the soft texture. for the next few seconds, he was cursing out the education system for their ways of punishment as he gained a Y for not being able to stop Kadar from infiltrating Sapphire Owl House's dormitory.

his thoughts came to a halt as something crossed his mind. something that had been bothering him for a while. He was worried. Worried about one of his dorm roommates.

He built quite the relationship with them as they always tried to help him in any way they could, whether it be with his drudge duties even though he tried to refuse, you always did small things for him that really helped him out.

'I'm worried...I haven't seen them recently...' He thought to himself, Joanne sat on his bed wondering if you were okay, he knew that the year group had an English examination due soon, he wasn't exactly sure how soon but he knew it was coming up. All that could be said was that nearly have the year group was stressed like the dickens.

He specifically recalled how you had a large pile of work on your desk, also remembering how you had missed lunchtime to continue with your work. You would get ill at this rate! he was paranoid about your health mentally and physically.

you've been awfully quiet around school, intentionally or not he still felt as though you were ostracizing yourself from not only the entirety of the school but him as well. he missed you in all fairness.

he knew if he said anything to one of the boys in the school, he would become an outcast again, he couldn't be known for having romantic feelings for another boy let alone one of his closest friends.

while he was off in his own world; thinking of how to comfort you, the door opened, revealing you who was dressed in the Weston college uniform, your hair kept up in a wig but the same colour as your natural hair (if you had parts dyed include them too), your face was very feminine but nobody here could talk, Cole had the face of a teenage girl while Harcourt himself looked like he came out of a freshly printed magazine cover for women to dress like men. you were never judged for that.

you walked in through the doors and closed them behind you, hearing the same click from before but your head snapped to the blonde you treasured ever so much as he called out to you.

"O-Oh! hi! I was just thinking about you!" he said with a soft smile that made your heart melt, you turned your head away to hide your face as you were struggling to compose yourself at his innocence. Joanne panicked at your negligence, feigning that you were upset by what he said,

"All good things! All good things! don't worry!" he said urgently as you turned back to face him, he felt a bit more at ease as you were no longer annoyed, he presumed at least.

Joanne went on to voice his thoughts to you as you once again tried to bury your own grave in work. god, you would be suffocating in it if it weren't for the fact you had draws to put them in instead.

"I've just been a bit...worried..." he turned his head to the side and scratched his cheek as he was bashful for admitting it.

"you've been almost distant with everyone! including me..." he sounded like a kicked puppy as he looked down.

you looked up from your work and softly gazed at the nervous boy as he was showing genuine concern for you.

"I'm sorry Harcourt- I- well it's just- *sigh* I don't really have the time physically and metaphorically..." you responded, your voice hoarse as you hadn't been talking much today. ironic because it was the English-speaking examination that was stressing you out the most.

He looked at you with heartfelt eyes as he heard your voice, this *was* damaging you physically. you needed help. this time, he wanted to help you.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong? I'm willing to help you in any way I can! I just want to be of use to you (last name)….I really...don't like seeing you like this...." his voice was as gentle as a breeze as he offered to be your short-term therapist for the next few minutes.

you slammed the quill against the desk, breaking the feather as you hit the wooden table that you used quite often with your fist. the shock rattled through your hand, and it stung a little bit. you shook your hand as you looked at the desk in anger, almost blaming it.

sighing, you look at the kind soul who offered you help and explained,

"it's Master Goyal; the English teacher. he's ruthless with deadlines however he; pardon my language, can’t teach jack-shit! I've been stuck writing this damn speech that's worth a large part of my final grade and he won't give me any advice on how to word it! Christ all mighty! all I've done is be a good student and he hasn't helped at all! no! no! scratch that! he's set me mountains of homework!" you went on a rant about the teacher you loath. honestly? that's so fucking relatable.

"you see all this Joanne?! this mountain of damn paper?! you'd think that's all of the work I'd do in a year, right?! HA FUCK NO! he set it as god damn homework!!!" you shouted. you're really goddamn lucky he isn't a housemaster otherwise you'd be so fucked.

"that teacher is my goddamn thirteenth reason..." you mumbled to yourself and Joanne was silent throughout the whole rant, only for you to get an adorable little giggle in return, it stole your heart you had to admit.

"You just need some help with the homework? that's not an issue at all! I can help you with that!" he said with a snicker in his voice, but it died down to a sincere offer,

"I'm willing to help you in any way you need..."

you felt like a weight had been taken off of your shoulders as a smile made its way onto your face, staring at your savoir from this god-forsaken pit of paper.

the boy's attitude lightened up seeing you have a happier face, "I thought you seemed a bit depressed, thank god it was just the homework!"

he said with a gentle chuckle as you listed off a few of the other homework from other teachers who took pity on you, so they gave you less.

you asked him wearily if he was really sure if he wanted to give you a hand and his response was a giggle and a few kicks of his legs at the end of the bed.

"of course! justttt know that biology isn't my strongest subject...Hehe, so you might have to ask Kadar about that one...!"

you yourself chuckled at this as you know soma want the best person to go to about school work anyways, but you gave your dear old friend a little shock.

"Surprisingly, I'm very well-read in biology, whether it be anatomy, cells, or photosynthesis, I'm like a jack of all trades in that category!"

the boy sighed in relief, "Oh thank goodness, personally I excel in chemistry so I'll be able to help you in that aspect"

after that conversation with Joanne, he clapped his hands together and stood up, "Right! let me help you with this English speech!"

you sighed as you ruffled through some papers, muttering curses at Master Goyal once more only to result in the papers being mixed in with the rest of the homework. damn.

about two minutes later, you arrived victorious as you pulled out your speech, handing it to the blonde who was waiting patiently, secretly finding your struggle amusing as you looked like you wanted to throw hands with sheets of paper, damn his feelings were wrong.

he started reading over your speech, noticing your mannerisms and techniques. you were very well versed in the writing sector, you did ace your English literature after all, but the confidence portrayed through your words were appalling, he softened the commentary as much as he could.

"(your fake name), I think...you uhm... you have the right phrasing and techniques but you're lacking in the ahem...confidence department.

the listeners won't be engaged unless you sound like you’re the only right person, you need to have more confidence- uh"

you had your hand covering your mouth, finding it harder and harder to shut up your giggling the longer he spoke, snorts leaving your shanking form. he sighed in exasperation at this.

"Can you stop laughing? please? it's not that funny..." he said trying to be serious, however, failing miserably. he himself cracked a smile that he tried to shoo away because of your adorable laughter.

"but it is! do you remember what you were like before you became a drudge? you were as quiet as a mouse!" your snorts turned into full-on cackling as Joanne lost his serious act unintentionally.

"yes, yes I know, how ironic. Joanne Harcourt telling you to be more confidant...sooo funny..." his voice was shaky from trying not to laugh, only to break a little bit when you slapped your knee and wheezed out, "but it is though-"

"Okay! but I'm being serious! this could help you in the long run (Y/f/n)!"

your laughing at him continued as he Shakely explained the importance of confidence that you needed in your speech, you were taking the advice though, almost to heart as he dished out tips and tricks.

he ended up finishing his little lecture about voice and tone for you to still be softly giggling at him.

he let out a short sigh and crossed his arms, leaning back from you with a pouty face, "You're so mean!" but that charade ended rather quickly as you both grabbed hold of the other and both started laughing, these were moments you treasured with this boy.

he might not know you were a girl but you were still in love with him.

you both calmed down and you finished quite a large sum of the work together, at the least 75% of it was done, but time flew as you did the work together, it didn't even feel like work when you were with Joanne. I suppose that is a good thing, right?

suddenly, Joanne spoke up. " how about this, we go meet up with Prince Soma tomorrow and study some more English and chemistry because let's face it, if it was a chance of life or death with you answering a chemistry question? we're all as good as dead." both of you chuckled at this.

Joanne perked up as he came to a realization, "Wait, what's the time? you have a watch, don't you?"

you looked at your wrist and your eyes widened.

"Holy shit, it's almost 11 o'clock at night!" you whisper yelled.

"it's nearly 11?! crap! we have to get to bed now! I don't want a Y!"

several days had passed and now it was the night before your English-speaking exam, you felt confident you were going to rock this shit because you had your crush's help throughout it all.

you tossed and turned in your bed, only to hear Joanne softly whisper to you "Are you awake (Y/f/n)?"

the housemaster put us to bed about an hour ago, the routinely 5-minute checkups are now over as the housemaster has gone to bed. everyone in the room was asleep, apparently apart from you and Joanne.

"yeah, I am. what's up blondie?" you whispered back to him, turning to face him as he was led down in his bed which was next to yours.

"It’s just- I'm worried for you is all...do you think you'll be okay tomorrow, I did my best to help you..."

you sighed as it seemed Joanne Harcourt was more nervous about your exam than you were, honestly? that sounds just like the boy you fell in love with.

you dragged your feet over the side of the bed, heading straight for his as he was laying there shocked at what you were doing.

"w-wait...what are you? -"

you climbed into his bed as he led there still as a rock, trying to grasp the situation. you rested next to him, hoping to not only calm his nerves but to calm any of yours that could have been flying around out there somewhere for your exam.

"Why are you in my bed?... What on earth are you doing in my bed?..?" the boy whispered with a stutter. a blush painting his cheeks a light pink as his innocence overtook him.

despite his embarrassment, he pulled through, "You know I'm a prefects drudge right? it- it's improper for me to do this I-"

you hushed him and replied to the silent question why do you want this?

"I need the comfort, I don't want to burst into a panic attack as soon as the exam starts, right?" you say with an extremely calm voice, not a single hint of paranoia lacing it.

"This doesn't permit you to- if word got out then-"

"Then be quiet." you hushed him as he would wake the other three in the room.

he took a deep breath and accepted the inevitable. "t-this is fine..."

"But why me? you have a friend in Scarlet Fox House who'd be more than happy to do this, so why me- uh!"

you shut him up by wrapping your arms around his waist, pulling him into your chest. this leads to him being a blushing mess.

"p-please be considerate of the fact I know your confidential secret...that..." he gulped and looked down, not at your tits, just down.

"that you're not a male..."

your breathing stopped for a second. your thoughts going a million miles an hour as now the panic had kicked in, but only one thought stood out from the rest. 'will be okay with dating me now?'.

he chuckled at your shocked face as he debunked your attempts to hide it. "you thought you were slick, didn't you? it was obvious to me after a while...you don't bathe with us but you're always hygienic so you must do so separately...your body stature is very feminine.

you cut him off by nuzzling his chest, that really was an effective way to shut him up. "do I really provide that much comfort?.." he said in a hushed voice.

all you did was nod silently.

he sighed, "Fine... I'll sleep with you. just for tonight! I don't want you getting the wrong idea." he scolded in a motherly tone. you know damn well you'll be doing this from now on every night.

the looked down at your face as he looked into your eyes. your body reacted instinctively as you felt his breath against your face. you strained upwards, "What are you-! *gasp*" You cut him off quickly with a short peck to the lips, they felt so soft, you wanted another taste...but no, you need to make sure it's okay with him first.

red crawled up Joanne's neck all the way to the tips of his ears as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, he was a stuttery mess.

he quietly cleared his throat to regain himself. As you stared at him lovingly, it made him all the more flustered.

"y-you could have at least told me your real name first-"

you stroked his cheek softly as you took a deep breath,

"O-Oh, I wasn't expecting you to actually-"

"(y/n)."

there was silence for a moment as if he was soaking in the same to match the face. his eyes now reflected your loving gaze.

"that's such a beautiful name. It suits you well..." he chuckled softly.

"Just make sure you ask next time you do that... I'd be more than happy to let you..."

both of your faces were slowly leaning closer, your eyes asking the question that you so desperately wanted to ask for you,

"you can do it as often as you like...mmf-!" his eyes widened once more but this time they shut to savor the moment, he tasted like honey and scones, but tea time was over five hours ago...must be his natural taste...

as you both pulled away this time, the kiss was dragged out longer, but both of your eyes slowly opened. you both appeared to have the air stolen from your lungs. you felt your heart melt as he said,

"you're cute, even dressed as a boy, you know that?" he rested his forehead against yours as you hummed in contentment, a small smile gracing your lips as you now felt tired and relieved.

"let's keep this between us, okay? I don't think Redmond should know about this...

I think it would be nice to make this a normal thing, like our own little homework club!" he said excitedly only for you to softly shush him and stroke your thumb against his cheek.

"two members only, I wonder why...." he said gently as your eyes fluttered shut, yet you still moved your head to kiss him once more, a short kiss that said shut up in a nice way. this led to a giggle from him.

"Maybe that's why..."

[little-mouse-adventures]

A Timeline of Events in the Artemis Fowl Series

If anyone's interested, I did do an actual analysis for where I pulled some of these dates from. But because I cannot type succinctly to save my life, it's 5,000 words long, so that's below the cut. I also put the timeline there again, but in three separate images, so hopefully they load well enough to be fully legible if the above isn't.

A thousand thanks to @sadbitchapologist and @zahnie for their help and advice with this, despite neither of them having any more than the barest interest in the series and therefore having no clue what I was on about. Thanks also to @orangerosebush for fielding completely out-of-the-blue questions about the French school system, so I didn't have to attempt to navigate web search results to figure out what mandatory gym classes were like for the sole purpose of plotting Luc's birthday on here.

An Analysis of the Timelines in the Artemis Fowl Series

A Brief Introduction

The Artemis Fowl series is made up of eight books covering a range of years and events. I wanted to see how accurate the timelines present in the books were, as well as try and plot out some other details implied in the novels but not explicitly stated, to have a better understanding of the overall world-building. To that end, I went through the series and made the above timeline. I colour-coded it based on the relevance of the specific items to certain categories, namely Humans, Fairies, Villains, and the Series itself. This does mean that some things could have fit into multiple categories. For instance, you will see some items involving Opal categorized as Fairy-Specific (such as her college years, as those are fairly neutral to the main plot or her villainy), Villain-Specific (such as her setting up her emergency fund, as that is mostly related to her schemes as opposed to relevant to her existence as a fairy, or part of the main plot of the series), and Plot-Specific (such as her opening the Berserker Gate, the primary plot point for the final book).

Before we really delve into things though, we should establish the baseline assumptions I was working with. Firstly, I am only using the original series. I have not used anything written in The Fowl Twins trilogy, given that those books seem to ret-con a considerable amount of the original information, and that is far too many headaches to give myself. Any supplemental series information, such as the short stories found in The Artemis Fowl Files, or anything from interviews is also not included. The premise here is: using just the original books, what is the event timeline of the world? The second thing we need to establish is that I am using the North American releases of the novels. I did make notes on where each bit of information comes from, but there isn’t really a citation style for this kind of thing, so I’m not sure how relevant that is. The third assumption is that the first book takes place the year it was originally published. According to my copy, the original publication was 2001, with the first American paperback edition coming out in 2002, and the first mass market paperback being released in 2003. This means our starting point is in 2001.

For sake of clarity, this analysis will start with setting the dates of the books and continue on from there.

The Basics of The Books

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the first book, Artemis Fowl (AF). It is actually not until the very end of the book that we get a solid answer for when it takes place. It’s only in the last few pages of the novel that Angeline Fowl leaves her attic room after all the plot points are tied up and announces that it is Christmas Day. This might be cause for concern – Angeline had not previously been established as a particularly reliable narrator – but given that we are asked to believe that Holly’s ‘feel better’ mood booster worked, and that neither Butler nor Artemis balk at or question the pronouncement that is Christmas Day, we’ll accept that it’s true and move on. This means that, with Butler’s earlier announcement that he was stuck doing four months of stakeout, we can say with a fair amount of certainty that Artemis obtained and translated the Fairy Book in September 2001, and managed to capture a fairy in December of the same year.

Moving on to Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident (TAI), we are given a decent chunk of information, albeit spread out a bit. The first is the announcement that the ransom drop for Artemis Fowl I is to be held on the fourteenth. The fourteenth of what, you might ask? Well, we are told that Artemis is currently thirteen years old. Clearly, things are past September 1, 2002 (we know Artemis’s birthday is September 1 based on information in both the fifth and seventh books). We are also told that Luc Carrere has been trading with the goblins for six months, starting in July. That puts us in either December or January, but we can narrow it down further since Artemis gives us another helpful clue. He mentions they are not expecting to see the dawn while attempting to rescue his father in the Arctic. There are only a few latitudes on Earth where polar night (of any type) occurs, and at Murmansk, polar twilight occurs between December 10 – January 2. Combining all of this, we learn that TAI takes place December 14, 2002, give or take a few days to either side.

This can be corroborated by information in Book 3, Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code (TEC). After Holly heals Artemis Senior, we are told that it takes over two months for him to wake up. Since we are specifically told two months, as opposed to two and a half or three, we can conclude that the events of TEC take place in March 2003. Mulch gives us some information that confirms this. He was living in LA “less than four months ago,” and since he was conscripted to help with the events of TAI in December, a March plotline fits the bill. We are given further confirmation as well: Spiro mentions that Artemis will be fourteen in six months. A specific date for Artemis & Co.’s attack on Spiro’s Needle can be pulled from the throw-away line that Pex and Chips are “burying” Mulch on the full moon. A quick web search tells us that the full moon in March of 2003 takes place on March 14, and the rest of the events in the novel take place roughly two days to either side of that.

In Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception (TOD), the fourth book in the series, we are given several very clear indications of when the events take place. Firstly, Artemis is contemplating that at fourteen years and three months old, he is the youngest person to successfully obtain The Fairy Thief. Based on previously noted details that his birthday is in September, the events of TOD must take place in December of 2003. Additionally, we are told that things are the middle of winter and Opal has been in a coma for eleven months and counting as of the end of TAI, another December plot.

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony (TLC) requires the most math and interpretation so far to figure out when it takes place. We know Artemis is still fourteen, so the main events clearly happen sometime between January 2004 and September 2004. Beyond that, we are using a fair amount of context clues. Artemis and Butler have evidently been traveling for four months looking for demons, so we are dealing with events in at least May. But that still leaves us several summertime months to work with, so to establish a timeline here, we will need to look forward a bit. In the sixth book, Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox (TTP), it’s noted that Artemis is not yet fifteen, and has, on multiple occasions, spent the full moon in the study. Ergo, he’s spent at least a few months back from Hybras. If he has been back for two months and not yet turned fifteen, he would have had to have returned by July at the latest, and since he returns almost three years later than he leaves, we are looking at him returning in either May or June. This would have him disappearing to Hybras – and by extension, dealing with the earlier events in the book – in June, July, or August. After his conversation with Minerva, he notes to Butler that they “are planning a June wedding,” which wouldn’t make sense to say if they were currently in the month of June. From all of this, we can extrapolate that the first three-quarters of TLC take place in late July or early August 2004, with the triumphant return of our intrepid heroes occurring in June 2007.

As previously stated, TTP mentions that Artemis is still not fifteen, but is nearly there. He has also been home again for at least two months. This would put the events of the sixth book in August 2007. At least, the events set in the current time period. TTP does bring back time travel, and with it some problems. We are told that Artemis and Holly jump back nearly eight years to Artemis being ten and trying to fund searches for his missing father. This would put the events of the past in early 2000. However, other details presented regarding Artemis Senior’s disappearance, which we will discuss later, make that impossible. Artemis also admits, in TEC, that he was eleven when his father disappeared, not ten. If we take a bit of creative license with our interpretations and base the time-jump to the past on other presented information as opposed to the dates given in TTP, we can say that Holly and Artemis instead return to early 2001. This lines up with further details, such as the sinking of the Fowl Star (as calculated a few paragraphs down in this analysis) occurring in December of 2000, and the textual confirmation in TTP that it’s barely two months past that sinking when Artemis brokers the deal(s) regarding the silky sifaka lemur. Since, at the end of the day, the time jump impacts very little in the grand scheme of things, and the year 2001 actually fits in better with other textual evidence and events, that’s what I’m going with for this timeline.

The seventh book, Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (TAC) gives us a very helpful base point! It takes place on Artemis’s fifteenth birthday, September 1. From our previous results on setting dates for book events, that would be September 1, 2007. The sections in which Butler and Juliet are fighting mesmerized wrestling fans and meeting up with Mulch are noted in the novel as happening “the day before,” which would fall on August 31, 2007.

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian (TLG), the eighth and final book in the series, creates some problems. If we assume that Artemis starts receiving treatment for his Atlantis Complex immediately after diagnosis in TAC¸ that would put him receiving treatment in September 2007. We are told he is certified as cured after six months. Yet we are also told that the rest of the events of the book take place in the week or so leading up to the Christmas holidays. Everything so far has said that the Artemis Fowl series follows the current calendar, in which case there is no way that six months can fit between September 1, 2007 and December 25, 2007. However, the only reference to Christmas is in two lines noting that the Fowl parents were planning on holidaying with their children on a foreign beach. If we simply say that six months have passed, and they are instead planning on spending the Irish school system’s spring holidays in the French Riviera, everything else lines up much better. So that’s what I’ve done. This would also put the resurrection of Artemis, after the events of the book and a further six months have passed, at roughly September of 2008. There is a pleasing symmetry to Artemis being born and then re-born in September, though if you want to get really technical and say the events of TLG take place during the 2008 March full moon as Opal claims (as noted in another web search as March 28), a six-month wait time for the clone to grow would put the resurrection in October. Still, there is something to be said for having a boy’s ghost haunting a clone of himself close to All Hallows. Since it’s the last plot point of the series, you can choose which you’d like; it doesn’t have to lead to anything else after it.

Let’s Talk Timelines: The Beginning of the Line to The End of The 19th Century

Now that we have our baseline book time periods established, we can get into the math used to determine some of the events in the timeline above. Several events are easy; we are given specific dates for them. Turnball Root meets Leonor in 1938, Juliet wins the Miss Sugar Beet Fair beauty contest in 1999. Other things are based on some basic math, such as Artemis claiming his parents got married fourteen years prior to AF¸ putting that event in 1987.

The majority of the items on the above timeline, however, do take some mathematics, extrapolation, and interpretation to plot out. To try and keep everything organized, we’ll start at the far left of the timeline, and work our way forwards, looking at events oldest-to-newest to explain why they are where they are on the graph. I won’t be getting too in-depth on everything in the graph, since I’m not sure how relevant the notes on the very minor side characters such as Carla Frazetti are, but I’ll at least try to touch on some of the more relevant points.

To start with, the Battle of Taillte was noted in the 2000’s as being ten thousand years ago, putting that at 8000 BCE. Similarly, the last dome breach at Atlantis was apparently eight thousand years ago in the 2000’s, so that would be 6000 BCE. Troll sideshows were legal in the early middle ages, which implies they were not legal after that. A quick web search says the early middle ages ended around 1000. The first crusades were in 1096-1099, and as those crusades are the start point of the Butler-Fowl working relationship, a point for noting that comes next on the graph.

From there, we get into more modern – relatively speaking – events. Briar Cudgeon and Julius Root are noted as attending the LEP Academy together and being raised in the same tunnel, as well as having about 600 years of history together. If one assumes “being raised in the same tunnel” is similar to the human equivalent of “growing up in the same neighbourhood,” we can assume the two were born roughly 600 years ago, in the 1400’s. Vinyaya is portrayed as being of a similar age to Root, so her birth can also be put in the same general era. We are also told that Fowl Manor was originally a castle built in the fifteenth century, that in the early 2000’s the theories of timeline corruption were first introduced over five centuries ago, and that cloning has been banned for over five hundred years, so those three events are also tossed into the 1400’s.

Julius Root is noted as doing his LEP basic training 500 years ago in Ireland, so that would have to be in the 1500’s. He would have attended the Academy before then, putting that in the mid-to-late 1400’s. As previously stated, he was in the Academy with Cudgeon. Opal also met Cudgeon in college, and competed with Foaly for science prizes there, so they were all in school at the same time.

Mulch now enters the picture. We aren’t ever given a specific age range for him, but we are told about his career. He has, apparently, spent three centuries in and out of prison after a couple centuries of success as a thief. This would make him at least five hundred years old. There is a brief mention that he tried the athletic route at college before becoming a thief, so he would have to be an adult at that point, putting his age at roughly 550 years during the events of the series.

We then enter a period filled in from one-off lines throughout the series, presumably added to give some depth to the world. Things about the wine cellar at Fowl Manor being a seventeenth century addition, Captain Eusebius Fowl and his crew dying in the eighteenth century, and Mulch first faking his own death over two hundred years ago.

Time Marches On: The 20th Century

There is nothing of much relevance to linger on between the 1550’s and the 20th century, so we’ll jump ahead to the 1900’s, when we have Holly Short’s birthday. She is in her eighties during TLC, and her father died “over twenty years ago” when she was “barely sixty” as of TAI. Based on that, she would have been in her early eighties in 2002, putting her birthday sometime in the 1920’s. What a doll.

A few more birthdays now appear, and we’ll ignore, for the most part, some of the irrelevant ones. I don’t think we are at all concerned with Gaspard Paradizo’s birthday, or Mikhael Vassikin. We are, however, rather more interested in Jon Spiro, Domovoi Butler, and Artemis Fowl I.

Jon Spiro enters the series in TEC, as a middle-aged American. A quick search on the Internet says that middle age is generally noted as being between the ages of 40 to 60. We are told that Spiro has worked in three main industries over the past two and a half decades. Additionally, we are told that law enforcement has been “trying to put [him] away for thirty years.” If we assume he entered the working world at twenty, spent five years developing his professional self, and then started going down a path of questionable legality to get the police after him, that would put him at fifty-five in 2003, and born in the late 1940’s.

It was a bit easier to determine Domovoi Butler’s age, and we can get more specific with his actual birthday. We are told that he is forty at the start of TEC, and he is still forty during TOD. From that, we can assume his birthday is not between March – December, which means it has to be between January – March. Now, we can just leave things there, but contextually, Butler says in late March 2003 that “a lot of people know [him] as a forty-year old man.” Since I doubt he’s the kind of person who introduces himself by announcing that his birthday was last week, we can assume that his birthday is not in March. Since about half the books in the series take place in December, and there is never any mention of Butler’s birthday coming up soon, we can likely assume it isn’t in January. We can therefore conclude Butler was born in February, 40 years before 2003, which puts his birth year in 1963.

We then have Artemis Fowl I. This one took the most extrapolation to determine. We know he has run an ethical empire for a few years as of 2007, which coincides with his return to his family after being kidnapped by the Mafia. He apparently ran a successful criminal empire for two decades before that, though, so in 2007 he has been working for at least 25 years. Based on the interactions he had with his own son, I’ve assumed he was also taught to take over the family business from a young age. If he started working at his age of majority at 18 (as possible in the 1980’s in Ireland, based on a web search), we can assume he was born in roughly the mid 60’s.

Billy Kong, born Jonah Lee, is one to touch on. He plays a large role in TLC, during which we are given possibly the most backstory of any villain in the series. He was evidently born in the early 1970’s, and was eight years old in the early 1980’s. Mathematically, that can only lend itself to so many birth years, so it’s easy enough to put his birthdate somewhere in 1973, and his brother’s death date in 1981.

While we’re here, let’s talk about the 1980’s. A lot of things happen in the 80’s, so we’ll be here for a few paragraphs. Butler would have graduated Madam Ko’s Academy in the early ‘80s, Artemis I would have started working in his family’s business and stolen some warrior mummies (of note, the theft is only noted as being in Artemis Sr.’s “gangster days,” but if you are a young, rich criminal, you’d likely commit a wild theft in your early years as opposed to your thirties, which is why this is put in here). Additionally, in the mid 1980’s, Holly graduates the LEP Academy and her mother dies, as noted in TTP when she is contemplating missing three years of her friends lives.

Butler would have started his five-year stint in Russia with an espionage unit in the mid-to-late 80’s, and become a big brother in 1985. Juliet is noted at being four years older than Artemis in AF in 2001, and he is twelve then, making her sixteen at the time. We can extrapolate the month from TEC, wherein she is apparently eighteen when she is called regarding her brother’s apparent death. At the time, we are told what gifts she received for her birthday, implying it was fairly recent. Additionally, Artemis was only thirteen at that time, which would make Juliet five years older than Artemis. If, however, we trust that acolytes at Madam Ko’s start their training on their tenth birthday and get one chance to graduate per year, it would make sense for that one chance to be on their birthday, or within a day or two to allow for as much training time as possible. Since Juliet was in the midst of this one graduation evaluation when she gets the phone call and joins the crew for the March heist at Spiro’s Needle, she’d have to be born in March. (We can also corroborate this with some details from AF: if AF  takes place in mid-September, that would be just after Artemis’s birthday, which puts the 4-year age difference back into play.)

Spelltropy begins for the People in 1987, if it appeared 20 years ago from 2007. Artemis I and Angeline Fowl would get married in 1987. They would have their first child, Artemis Fowl II, in 1989, as calculated by Artemis being twelve during the initial siege of the Manor in December 2001. Artemis II’s grandfather was noted as having been dead for over ten years at that point, and it was mentioned in TEC that Angeline married her husband before he really took over the family business, so those events would likely happen when Artemis was but a baby in 1990.

The ‘90s are a period where a lot of things are happening, but few are particularly important. Spelltropy has a cure found, Minerva Paradizo is born, Juliet begins her bodyguard training and her brother refuses to let her shave her hair. These, and other events in the 90’s, are mostly calculated by math along the lines of “Event A happened X number of years ago,” but since the 90’s was mostly a time of worldbuilding events rather than plot events, we’ll just skim over the specific details.

‘You Are Here’: The 21st Century, and Where The Storytelling Begins

Welcome to the 2000’s! The kick-off point of not only the 2000’s, but also the entire series, is the sinking of the Fowl Star. We aren’t given a specific date for this, but we are given enough information to extrapolate the date. Specifically, in September 2001, in AF, we are told Fowl Sr. has been missing for almost a year. In TAI, in December, we are told he has been missing for almost two years. That does have the potential to have the ship go down in either December or January, so we need to use a bit more details from TAI to make a final determination. Mikhael Vassikin and Kamar were told to dump Fowl’s body in the Kola if he didn’t wake up in “another year,” so they’ve been looking after him for one at that point. Fowl Sr. wakes up two weeks before the deadline, and as noted earlier, the ransom drop for him takes place December 14, after he has been awake for perhaps a week. From that, we can tell that the deadline for “another year” was mid to late December, putting the initial sinking of the Fowl Star in late 2000.

The analysis gets a bit confusing at this point, because 2001 is when future Artemis and Holly join the party via time travel, as well as having their regular selves in the timestream. Essentially, we’ve established the timeline for the events of TTP above, so we know the whole lemur fiasco takes place in March 2001. Artemis wakes up at the end of that book thinking about fairies, which ties in rather neatly to him then dragging Butler across three continents for six false alarms (with an assumed approximate 3 weeks between each jaunt) before striking metaphorical gold in Ho Chi Minh City in September. During their time-traveling, Holly also gets a chance to talk to Root, who wonders why she isn’t in Hamburg, which was noted in AF as Holly’s first major failure as a Recon officer and was nearly preceding the events of AF. The time-traveling would also mean that Opal would have had to harvest her DNA for future diabolical plans before March 2001, when her younger self travels to the future. Since it takes up to two years to grow a clone to adulthood, and her clone has to be ready in September 2003, we are a few months off in the time requirements, but really, for a practice that’s been outlawed for 500 years, I can offer a bit of leeway.

We are now well and truly in the thick of the main events of the series. Most of this will be tied into the initial assessments we made way at the beginning of this essay, where we established when each book occurs. Because of this, we aren’t going to spend time on anything plot-related. However, a brief note on Turnball Root and Artemis’s Atlantis Complex is likely in order. Artemis was, as previously stated, dealing with his return from Hybras and the after-effects of stealing magic during July and August of 2007. His Atlantis Complex, and Turnball Root’s plan to escape the Deeps prison, are in full swing in September of that year. We have a brief note in TAC during the evacuation of Atlantis, that Turnball had, a month before, spied on Artemis and noted his Atlantis Complex developing. Therefore, Artemis’s Complex likely came into play in late July or early August 2007. This is close enough to Artemis’s magic theft to make sense for the deterioration of his mental health, and enough time for Butler to have started to notice something was wrong, as he did. We can therefore assume that Atlantis Complex, at least in the case of magic-stealing humans who have a propensity for time travel and getting involved in supremely complicated and improbable plots, develops relatively quickly.

This leaves just one major discussion point from the last few books: the age of Artemis’s twin brothers, Beckett and Myles. The twins are first introduced at the very end of TLC. They are written as being two during the events of TTP, three during the events of TAC, and four during the events of TLG. Regardless of the time-traveling shenanigans of their elder brother, it is impossible for the twins to age two years in the eight months between Artemis’s return from Hybras in June 2007 and the finale of the series in March of 2008, so we need to look at what makes sense.

Myles has already potty-trained himself, and done so at fourteen months, so they must be at least that old. Their other behaviours would make sense for them to be two in TTP. Diapers are still a part of their lives, and their language and vocabulary fit what a two-year-old would have, at least in Beckett’s case. Since Artemis was surprised by their existence, it doesn’t seem likely that  Angeline would have known she was pregnant, or at least not have told Artemis yet, when he went to Limbo. Ergo, they can’t be any older than two, since (one would hope) Artemis would have noticed his mother’s pregnancy if the twins were any older.

Additionally, in TLG, we know Artemis gave his brother a birthday present, so he had to have been around during the twin’s birthday at least once. With this fact, the twins cannot be born between March – June, which just leaves the question of when are the twins born?

 The most logical answer is February 2005. If Angeline was early on in her pregnancy, say six weeks (which is when most women start noticing symptoms), when Artemis disappeared in July 2004, she wouldn’t necessarily have told him yet. Then, if we assume that since most twin births occur around the 35-week mark, that would math out to having the twins be born in February of 2005. Fast forward, and they would turn one in February 2006, and two in February 2007, which puts them at the correct age for the events of TTP. [One could argue, of course, that a twin pregnancy in an older woman (unfortunately, there is nothing in the series to indicate Angeline’s age) and in a woman already dealing with significant stress could result in a very premature birth, thereby voiding any of this math and leaving the whole question of the twin’s birthday unanswered. However, since I’d rather not subject the Fowl parents to the strife and misery of having one son missing and presumed dead, and their younger children in the NICU with a low survival rate, I’m working with the assumption that the pregnancy was a healthy and normal one.]

The brief comment from Juliet in TAC about the twins being three can be passed off by them being a little over two-and-a-half and Juliet not being around as she is touring in Mexico. By the time TLG takes place, in March of 2008, the twins would have had their third birthday, allowing for Artemis to give Myles his chair as a birthday present, Beckett to be old enough to no longer need diapers, and the behaviours to act more like children than infants. While this doesn’t quite allow for the repeated textual confirmations in TLG that the twins are four, we’ll go with what mathematically makes sense.

That brings us to the end of the timeline! Not everything is touched on in the timeline, and not everything in the books is plotted (we are never given enough context to know Foaly’s or Opal’s birthdates, for instance). But the main events of the Artemis Fowl series are all analyzed, mathematically or logically or textually corroborated, and plotted out, for use or ignoring as personal preference dictates.