#i keep remembering that post where it was like

[very-grownup]

Whenever scolding or lecturing posts come across my dash I'm always confused by what seems like the imaginary people they're addressing, but I just spent time this evening with my niece and nephew.

I don't know if I'm the "cool" aunt in their lives, but I'm the aunt who would improvise dance music and bop them around when they were babies. I'm the aunt who wrestled with them and let them climb all over me and plop down and demand my attention. I'm the aunt who watched videos of giant cockroaches with them and let them lead me in games. I'm the aunt who tonight was shown many, many stickers of "Wings of Fire" dragons and asked my opinion on them and a rubber calculator where you can make a big number and then do minus a little number and if you keep pressing the equal sign you can see the big number going down and you can pretend it's the health of an enemy in a videogame. I'm the aunt who sat through so. much. Paw Patrol.

I think you probably have to do time in the Paw Patrol or equivalent mines if you want to be an adult in a child's life that they feel is part of their life, which is more important than being the cool aunt.

I do know I was privileged to have a cool uncle (did you know men-types can also have deep relationships with their younger relatives?). He passed away from cancer last year, tragically young. But he was cool. He was the coolest adult I knew as a child. He had turtles he cared for well enough that they were huge, stately creatures. He would wrestle you in the water and lift you high above his head and splash you down. He would take an interest in what you were doing and find common ground and engage with you about it and listen to you and he was the coolest adult you knew as a child. I was ten or eleven when he married my youngest aunt, so I was approaching teenagerdom which was a dreadful time, but it was when I started to learn about science fiction, mostly through comedy like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Red Dwarf. But he /had/ The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He had Red Dwarf /novels/. He gave me a copy of The Princess Bride and Ben Elton's Stark just because. He recommended The Martial Chronicles. He watched The X-Files.

I don't think he was trying to be the cool uncle. He was just himself and paid attention to you enough to see who you were and talk to you about the things that made you feel like an adult.

After he died, there were a lot of comments and memories about how cool and involved and loving he was and I hope he knew that. I'd like to think I might be so remembered by my niece and nephew and the other children I've been lucky enough to have in my life.

It's not about being cool, really, but about being engaged with them in the time you spend together (I only saw my cool uncle for a week or two in the summer until I graduated high school) and being an honest version of yourself so they can find the part of you that they think is cool and building on that.

Because, in retrospect? Geologist with turtles who reads science fiction? Not particularly cool. Certainly not universally cool. And I imagine what other young people in his life responded to was different than what I responded to, what cemented him in my mind as a cool adult. Maybe he had his own Paw Patrol he endured to spend time with my younger cousins.

I don't know, I just love my niece and nephew a lot and I want the world they're growing up in to be better and kinder and I feel blessed when my autistic nephew takes my hand to lead me downstairs to play a game with him or, like tonight, asks me if I have Minecraft on my phone because he wants to be able to invite me to his Minecraft server. It's exhausting but still heart-warming how goofy and unselfconscious my niece is in her excitement when I come over and she forgets she's almost a teenager (she's eleven, but she'll be twelve soon, and that's basically thirteen).

...

God the Paw Patrol years were rough.

I know that a lot of you are banking on having little to do with your nephews/neices as children and then becoming their "cool aunt" once they become teenagers, but I think that you will find, upon analysis, that a random middle-aged woman stepping into a whole-ass teenager's life and arbitrarily declaring herself to be a "cool aunt" is, in fact, the least cool thing it's possible to do.

[agirlwithglam]

🌟 become your dream girl before 2025! 🌟

THIS WILL *ACTUALLY* CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

do you know how many people are waiting until next year to glow up and actually start to become their dream self? now just think, if you started now, before 2025, how far you would be. how much more skills and knowledge you would have. you're literally getting a head start. so what are you doing dilly-dallying until 2025? heres your guide to ending this year accomplishing everything you need to and starting 2025 with everything you need.

in this post i will include mindset shifts, how to become a better person, actionable advice, actually becoming a new person <3

👑know what you want.

who do you want to become at the end of this year? what does your dream girl look like? what kind of body does she have? her clothes? who are the people she hangs out with on a daily basis- friends?

create a very clear version in your head and use pinterest to show photos of what your goals are- for ex: girls at the gym, journalling, writing, studying, reading, learning, walking, with friends, spending time outside, going swimming, playing sports, doing a skill/ hobby.

you can also find an idol/ an inspiration- a youtuber, influencer, parent, anyone who you look up to and want to somewhat have a similar life like them. (for ex: thewizardliz, tam kaur) whatever is important to you this goes hand in hand with the next point:

👑goals.

any unfinished projects, any goals you said you'd do in the beginning of the year, get them all down on paper. if you've finished any of them, great!- tick them off. but if you haven't then its time to lock in. pick the ones that are most important to you. that you know that achieving these will 100% get you closer to your goal. doing this makes sure you get rid of the ones that you think are "productive" when in reality they just help you procrastinate.

finish any unfinished projects or books you have before the new year begins because 2025 is about bringing in new, fresh opportunities and things. for me personally, i have a few crochet projects that i want to finish before the end of this year so i can start the new year with nothing old from the year before!

����cutting.

you are going to be becoming a new person- new mindset, new values, new perception on life, etc. the people in your life currently probably won't align with this new version of you. because if the people around you still only know the old you, your growth won't happen because it will feel extremely unnatural without the right people around you. this means you're going to have to decide whether you are letting any of your friends go. if they don't serve you or make you feel happier or bring in any value to your life, im sorry but its time to cut them off.

but of course if you actually have good, kind, loving friends who grow with you and support you all the way, keep them. the goal is to remove the people who don't serve your highest self. not remove the people who you know will be there for you.

but along with this, if you notice that those people are acting a bit more weirdly/ strangely now that you're improving- giving you backhanded compliments, talking about you behind your back, or just giving you a weird vibe in general, trust your gut. those people don't want to see you going to a higher place where you're thriving- keeping them in your life can be terrible for your highest good.

remember that doing this doesn't mean that you're not going to get better because BETTER ALWAYS COMES. god will give you more people who you couldn't have ever dreamed could be so amazing. so never keep toxic people in your life out of fear that you'll be alone forever. (remember: 8 billion people in the world.)

👑mindset.

dont wait to change your mindset only once you achieve the dream body or the best grade- start now. people can take away everything from you but they can't take away your mindset, skills, and knowledge. here are some mindset shifts to develop:

the abundance mindset. know that everything happens for your highest and greatest good only! everything will work out in the end for you because God hasn't put you on this earth to suffer. if you are religeous (God) or spiritual (the universe) or even believe theres a higher faith, why on earth would you willingly believe that your purpose here is to have a bad time? obstacles will come your way and you will make bad decisions and mistakes. but all these jsut contribute to the person you are today and the person who you'll be in the future!

i will make it. believe in your vision and yourself so fiercely that you know in your bones that you will achieve your goals. you will travel the world and discover new places, you will get to retire your parents, you will get to buy expensive bags for your mom, you will be that rich sister/daughter/ wife, you will help people around the whole world, you will have people around you who love and care for you, you will achieve whatever dream you had since you were a kid and whatever dream you have right now. you will you will you will! know this so strongly but also know that i will achieve there one day, but i also am so blessed and grateful for the life i have right now! i have so many privileges and such an amazing life that i would never trade away for anything.

growth mindset if you fail, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. please stop being afraid of failing, be afraid of never trying!! you have no idea how freeing failing is because once you do, then you'll never have that "what if" in the back of your mind, never have that small voice asking what could have happened if you had done that thing. so if you do fail, perfect! that means that you won't waste any more time wondering what would have happened. having a growth mindset means that you know you're human and you'll make mistakes, but that doesnt make you a bad person and it doesn't take away your capability to still accomplish your goals. if you fail be able to brush it off, and keep trying again and again. Thomas Edison had 1000 failed attempts to make the light bulb. yet he learnt from what didn't work, took that into consideration, then tried again. and again. and again. and now? your probably sitting in a room with light that you have because he persisted in his goal!

stay positive always have a positive outlook and perspective of life. look at the beauty and what you have instead of what you lack. feel happy joyful energy vibrate through you everyday. do things that just make you a more positive person in general! feeling happier makes you look 100x more attractive and will change the way you interact with the world!!

👑be a better person.

new year new you right? so its time you up level the way you talk and treat others. because the goal isn't to be A b*tch, the goal is to be THAT b*tch! so going around being rude isn't going to do anything for you. being kind however- having manners, checking up on people, asking how their day was, being charismatic, etc- thats what can get you so much more opportunities! you're going to be kind, but not a people pleaser- ofc prioritise yourself always but also at the same time- if you have made a commitment to be somewhere for someone at a certain time, honor that commitment. be the friend you wish you had.

being mean to everyone just because you were hurt by someone else is not it. yes, so you were hurt. grow, evolve, heal. you're stronger than this. you're stronger than you think. you can overcome anything and you can become an even better person, capable of loving fully and wholly!

misc tips:

change what you consume. start watching thewizardliz, tam kaur on youtube. have an inspiration/ idol to look up to in life.

workout. i dont care if its not one of your goals to have a fit body, but don't workout for that. workout because you love yourself. because its actually proven to make you happier, because you deserve a healthy, fully functioning body.

DRINK WATER. do you know how many benefits something as simple as that has? clear skin, unchapped lips, better digestive health, weight management, better health, feel more alert and energized, better for immune system, increases brain power, eliminate toxins, ETC ETC!

have a morning routine that literally sets yourself up for success. stimulate your mind with reading self help, learn something, study, focus on a skill, do something that makes your mind active.

journal & check in with yourself.- document your progress! write about how you felt after everyday. did you feel esp happy during anything? do you feel satisfied at the end of the day? or do you find that your day made you feel tired and drained? do you feel regret and wished you did more at the end of the day?

diary- links with the earlier point. document the day. you can write about it, or what i also like to do is video myself yapping to the camera. talk about whatever you want and let your mind wander free!

you are that it girl! dress the part, smell good, make yourself feel so good that you just can't help but feel like you can conqure anything!!

make sure you're consistently reminded of your goals. what do you want? why do you want to achieve it? reminding yourself of your goals will actually motivate you and make you stop procrastinating. for me its that i don't want any old projects or books having to continue into the new year so i've made a plan that will definitely get it done before the next year!

[alchemistc]

Y'all were so insistent that I keep going with the Eddie Fixes It By Making It Worse post breakup fic.

This is officially a three-parter. Sorry. Or you're welcome.

You can read part one here

We have to make out in front of Tommy.

Buck's in the ice cream aisle, reminding himself that he has given himself three more days of moping and ignoring his diet before he gets his ass in gear and starts to live a life again. The Halo Top is mocking him, jeering and heckling as he goes for the Blue Ribbon. Mint chocolate, because Buck always loved it and he can almost forget the mock fight he'd had with Tommy three months in when he told Buck he refused to allow toothpaste flavored treats into his home, and how they'd barely gotten back to his place without a public indecency citation.

He stares at the text until his eyes cross.

What, he sends back, and slowly, cautiously, returns the pint of ice cream to its spot in the cooler. Maybe he should lay off the sugar. He's had enough.

Trust me

It comes in almost immediately and Buck tries to rewind, tries to figure out what any of this means, what the context is, why he's getting an actual Trust Me Bro from his best friend.

You've already met your last and it's not me comes crashing back to the forefront of his mind. He's had a full 36 hours to forget it, and he had been nearly there, nearly ready to chalk it up to Tommy trying to make him angry. Which he's been doing a really fucking excellent job of, lately. Almost like he knows all the buttons to push. Like Buck had given him the owners manual.

Tommy had meant Eddie? How could Eddie have possibly come to that conclusion? What the hell was he doing sending Buck half across town to the market for snacks when -

Buck judges the distance from this market to Eddie's. Then to Tommy's.

"Oh you mother -."

A woman squeaks by with her kid in the cart seat and glares.

---

Are you at Tommy's right now

No question marks. This is an accusation. Buck's thankful there are no perishables in his cart as he abandons it in the lane and hikes it towards the door. It's a dick move, and Buck feels, a little spitefully, like if anyone remembers him they'll remember him from the times he and Tommy giggled and play-fought down the aisles, so they'll think of Tommy when they think of the cart left behind. Resent him for it, maybe.

Not like Tommy isn't particularly good at just leaving things behind.

Yeah. Join me.

Buck breaks through the doors and feels a little woozy. This might be a panic attack. His chest fucking hurts.

🖕just get my stuff and meet me at yours. tell Tommy we burned all his shit

Eddie is an asshole. I'm not gonna LIE to the man. Also he definitely doesn't have an Evan box ready to go, so take what you will from that

Buck's still in that vicious cycle where he goes from angry to upset to sad in record time, no barriers in between, where every bruise feels like it's healing too fast so he keeps pressing in just to watch the color muddle. He hates this.

It'd be a Buck box, Buck texts back, just to release some of the pressure behind his temples, and he pulls in a few deep breaths before he jogs for the Jeep. He's gonna go home. Throw on the DVD copy of Sleepless In Seattle Tommy left behind and then maybe once that's done he'll throw the damn thing in a blender.

Are you coming or not?

Buck turns the ignition and peels out in a direction that won't lead to his own home, or the things Buck has been too much of a mopey bastard to pack up and return to their owner. At a red light two miles down the road, he shares his location.

Eddie sends back an ominous Hope you brushed your teeth today.

---

Eddie gets the door and it sucks just as much as if Tommy had. They barely ever spent time at Tommy's, and Buck can see it now for the boundary it was. When they had, though, their time had been split pretty evenly between Buck picking him up for a date, and Eddie wanting to leave the quiet echo of his own house to hang with them - a car on a lift and beers shared between them, Buck watching the pull of muscle beneath Tommy's shorts as he took Eddie down to the mat, Tommy's fingers drifting through the short curls at the back of Bucks head while Eddie yelled about triple-doubles and chatted with Tommy about how impossible coverage was for some guy named Joker.

Buck has never actually figured out who that guy was. Eddie hated the Mavericks and he hated the Lakers but Eddie also complained about the guy so much he definitely wasn't a Clipper.

Eddie gets him by the forearm when Buck shows clear signs of regretting this. Drags him through the front door before Buck can fully execute his spin and stomp back to the Jeep.

Tommy's next door neighbor had waved at him from her yard where she was doing something new with her display of bird sculptures, and Buck hadn't had the heart to do anything but raise his hand back.

It's less than ten seconds before Eddie is steering him down the hall, into the living room. It's cozy in here. Lived in. Mismatched furniture that somehow fits, a blanket thrown over the side of the couch, dark wood tables and light wood flooring and lamps that look like they came from an estate sale up in the Hills. A huge ass TV set above the mantle of a gas fireplace that Buck never even had the opportunity to see working before... Before.

Tommy is a shadow coming out of the kitchen, and Buck can't help but be a little pleased that he looks as crappy as Buck feels.

---

Eddie claps his hands together before either of them can get a word in. "Okay. Here's the thing. You're both dumbasses and there's a lot of shit that you guys gotta figure out on your own. But apparently you," he points at Tommy with the lip of a beer bottle. Corona. Tommy hates the stuff, and Buck is reminded once again how dearly Eddie loves him, "need empirical evidence that there's no deeply repressed sexual tension between Buck and I. So."

"You're insane," Tommy says, and Buck feels like snapping at him. He's probably right. This is an insane thing to do. Eddie ambushed his ex and then ambushed Buck in the frozen treats aisle and now he wants to kiss Buck to prove a point? What??

Eddie ignores it. Turns to Buck. "How do you wanna do this?"

And now would be the time, actually. Now would be the time to cut the thread, make it clean, break it for good. Only despite his protest, Tommy is staring between them and his expression looks almost... hungry. Frightened, at the same time. Oh. Oh.

He really had thought...?

Eddie's a fucking idiot. Buck doesn't want to kiss him. He's squared with the fact that he definitely had a crush when they first met and he's definitely been attracted to Eddie and just not realized it but he doesn't want Eddie. He doesn't want a life with Eddie, not like that. He doesn't- He isn't -

He loves Eddie more than almost every other person on the planet, but he's not in love with him.

Buck squares his shoulders. Nods. "Yeah, okay," and then he's taking three strides to meet Eddie at the coffee table.

---

"Oh come on, are you serious?"

Buck ignores the exclamation from the peanut gallery. Tries to figure out where to put his hands. He's never really noticed the height difference before. It's barely anything - a couple inches at most - but it feels like he's looming, this close. Which is stupid. He's been this close to Eddie a million times.

Eddie bends his knees to set the beer down. Darts his gaze back up to Buck.

Buck's seen him pull this move before, and has to bite down the urge to cackle because those big brown cow eyes have charmed women up and down California and probably plenty of Texas too but the only time Buck's ever seen them look genuine was when he was looking at Shannon.

He's got a good face. Angular in all the right places, expressive in a way a lot of men try to hide. Good eyelashes, clear skin.

Eddie gets a thumb in one of Buck's belt loops and tugs.

It's a good move. It's a move that has inspired Buck to sink to his knees on more than one occasion with the right men. Man. Just the one man.

He desperately bites back a giggle when the front of their thighs brush and Buck feels nothing more than the heat coming off Eddie.

Eddie's flushed, just a little, like he's well aware how ridiculous this all is, but he's got his I'm So Fucking Serious face on and there is a part of Buck, something fucked up and broken and wrong, that wonders how Tommy would feel to see it. To know that Buck is out there in the world kissing people who aren't Tommy. It's not like he'd ended things because he didn't care for Buck, because he wasn't attracted to him. It's gotta sting, right?

Buck gets a hand on Eddie's waist, just above his hip bone. He's never actually paid attention to how much more slim Eddie is, before, how big Buck's hands feel against him.

The night Tommy had first kissed him, Buck had spent an indeterminate length of time replaying every second of the interaction. The lead up, the frank honesty, the way Buck's entire body had followed the flow of Tommy's. Heart racing, body thrumming: when Tommy had ducked his head, when he'd laughed, when he'd opened up his body language and dropped a tiny morsel of his heart, Buck had felt himself drawn in.

The lips that had caught his had set him alight.

Eddie shifts his weight and blinks up at him and for half a second Buck wants this to be a good kiss - earth shattering, life changing. He wants to feel it. Wants it to be better than every kiss he and Tommy ever shared.

The pointer and middle finger he uses to tilt Eddie's chin up are petty as hell.

[jikooklove9795]

I do believe they’ve been in a long term romantic relationship for a long time. One point that us jikookers tend to avoid (with good reasons, it’s filmed by a saeseng) is the clip of what looks like JK holding a woman seen through a window? What do you think that was about?

Hi arundhati94-blog!

First of all let me make it clear that I'm not going to ignore any of your or others asks regarding Jikook. The only condition to all those sending in the asks is to be polite and respectful towards Jimin, Jungkook or any other members. Otherwise I'm very open to discussions regarding Jikook and will try my best to respond to you guys.

Now let's get into the discussion, shall we? So, do I think that its Jungkook in that video?

NO. I don't.

Why I think its not Jungkook and the video is not of his apartment?

There are many reasons. The first one being the crap quality of the video with the faces of the man and woman in it completely wiped out thus making them unrecognizable. All the phones out there offer a much better quality. So, how come we get a video of this poor quality? How come in other photos which they leaked of him alone in his house the quality is better and the angle is completely different? The second reason is regarding the apartment in the video. The apartment rented by BH is in the ground floor, has a courtyard and is surrounded by a high fence. In the video the wall panel seems to be in different places and the windows are different too. Another difference is the apartment in the video has a vase while Jungkook's apartment has a lamp in that same area but not a vase.

Another thing which is highly suspicious is the timing of the video and the length of it. I have heard the narrative that its a video from Feb 2023 cause the man in the video had bangs and long hair similar to Jungkook during the early months of 2023. So, why keep it in the wraps for almost 7 months if it was originally captured in February? Why not release it straight away? Whatever damage, the people behind this video intended to do to Jungkook will be the same irrespective of the time of its release. Be it in Feb 2023 or before the release of Seven or before 3D or his album. And they only managed to capture a 14s or 15s long video? Where's the before and after clips? Very hard to believe they couldn't capture more.

This video was done intentionally to make the audience believe that it was Jungkook. Hence, the similar but not the exact apartment, the video being so grainy that its impossible to identify the people in it however make it look like the man has a silhouette similar to Jungkook, a doberman. The open curtains get me every time. Cause this was around the time Jungkook complained about being stalked, had a video of him taken at the gym, had people sending food to his address. So, they want us to believe that Jungkook would have his curtains open if there was a "supposed gf" at his apartment??!!

So, that video is either of another couple or intentionally set up by other people to sabotage him. I'm leaning more into the latter option.

I highly doubt its a sasaeng video cause of why they didnt release it immediately after it was captured in Feb 2023 (since they claim its a video from Feb) and cause of how they posted this video and then vanished. There was a tweet on X a few days before the weibo video was released warning the fans about a fake video to sabotage Jungkook and not to believe in it.

We need to remember that they work in an industry which has a dark side ruled by people who are capable of such deeds. I don't wanna share much about this but its not impossible. So, always trust the artist you stan rather than questionable sources.

Now let's talk about Jungkook denying the gf rumors.

He was on Station head when he was getting repetitive messages asking him if he has a gf and this was how he answered them:

Now to those that'll say "but he didnt deny the video, would've been a fling, would've broken up". He already knew what storm was going on and chose to address it. He could have chosen not to. And the Jungkook I have seen so far would have clearly admitted if he had a gf. Cause don't you remember the AHL Jungkook guys??!! He was just starting his career at that time. But he didnt hide that he had a gf before. I still remember that conversation cause of the words he used.

Do you think this Jungkook who was just starting his career who openly talked about his dating experience and how he wanted to get tattoos even though Yoongi asked him not to cause it'll be frowned upon by the fans, will be afraid of admitting he had a gf? I don't think so.

But the crowd was quick to spin more narratives when he denied having a gf. They accused him of being a f**kboy going around sleeping with women. He saw all this and decided to show up a few hours later after denying of having a gf. This time he went head on denying the allegations and even exposing himself to an extent (I was shocked) by posting this TikTok trend:

He captioned it:

So, he chose to do a Tiktok trend which was pretty old by that time and captioned it as "I go the other way".

Those who are gonna say "He just did the trend in the opposite way hence the caption". STOP. Cause we all know its obvious what he meant when he captioned it like that when the singer was mentioning names of girls. He could have done it the opposite way without the caption. And he deleted it after a few minutes after he was sure that those that cared about him got the meaning behind it.

Now he has done something similar like this in 2019 when he was wrongly accused of dating Mijoo.

This was the first time he appeared on a live after the whole circus. It looked like he came there to make that exact statement. It was out of the blue. And the choice of his words were more specific to be exact. Even Hoseok was confused. You can take it however way you want. Either simply like Jungkook complimenting Hoseok or just try to connect the time he opted to say it. A time when he was rumored to be dating a girl. After Jungkook has shown us all where his interest lies in, which is obviously not with a girl but with a boy for whom he wears his heart on his sleeve. I choose to believe the latter option.

You can watch the live here. Jungkook appears at the 24 min mark. Just notice his face and expression when he says "I never thought I would fall for a man". He's letting us know through these small moments. Just read it with the bigger picture taking timing into the context.

Also, let's not forget how he answered this question:

Q: How would you describe yourself in five words?

🐰: I'm still me

This was in Festa 2019. "I'm still me" is a famous line from the gay movie Love, Simon released in 2018. He posted the "I'm still me" artwork too. And the name of his documentary:

Read it along with how he has used songs in his GCFs which are all either gender neutral or with the "he" pronoun.

Named his flower bouquet "Various Loves"

He chose to work with CK. Apart from being a fan of the brand the partnership is special to him cause CK's values resonates with him.

And CK is very LGBTQ+ friendly using LGBTQ+ models. They have partnered with various NGOs in support of LGBTQ+ advocacy, equality and safety.

And the day Jungkook broke the Internet with this:

So, let's listen to what Jungkook says and trust him instead of a blurry video. Cause he has been honest and transparent with us as much as possible. Let's give so much love and support to this boy

Have a nice day arundhati94-blog!

Credits to the owner of the video

[reasonreblogs]

Same for both. The thing with explaining the reasons with an apology for me is part of the “I recognize how this action was wrong and how I ended up doing this thing that hurt you. I will be making an effort to stop this behavior. I hope you feel okay calling me out on it going forward. I want to assure you that I am aware of what I did, why I did it, that I am going to be working on it, that this hurt you, and that I’m sorry I did this.”

To me the reasons and why it happened shows that they understand and how likely they are to keep doing the same things or if thy ran it, that kind of thing. I’ve had someone who was basically overdosing on Xanax day spent the most horrible shit to me, hitting every insecurity I had about our friendship and after the fact *not* apologize and just said something like “I didn’t reply mean it, I just said crazy shit because I was prescribed a higher dose of Xanax than a person should be.”

Like… okay, I get that… and… it would mean something if you said “I’m sorry, I know it hurt you and I said a lot of things I knew would hurt most. I didn’t know I was prescribed higher dose than I should’ve been until recently and it really fucked with my head in a way that I wasn’t myself.” Instead, I wasn’t sure if she actually meant what she said looking back or if she’d do it again only without her mind being fucked up.

She gave the reason without the apology which made it an excuse and a “so you can’t be upset with anything I said” when she could scroll back and see exactly the things she said to me even if she didn’t quite remember. However, with an apology, I would be able to believe she didn’t mean it and was in a state of mind where she was actively looking to be as hurtful as possible rather than actually believing hat she said. It’s kind of like how some people go turn out to be suicidal try to make everyone around them hate them before going through with it under the notion it’d “hurt less” when it happens. I think of one or two popular youtubers who did exactly that, posting outrageous bigoted shit before disappearing and after hearing they killed themselves, it clicked that’s what they were doing.

As for the telling a story for how thy relate (as I did above actually lol) it’s like… “listen here’s a thing I went through… to me it sounds like what you’re going through, so I hope what I did to get through it helps or if talking to someone who might understand better makes you feel okay talking about this.”

It’s like… it adds some weight or legitimacy to what the person you’re talking to is saying for me. I’d be more likely to take their advice or reflect on how I handle or perceive it vs how they might have. When someone isn’t grasping at all what you’re saying, it turns into defending why you’re feeling and going through rather than being able to just… talk about it.

Idk, been thinking on the nuance of this for a while. I like reasons, I like getting an idea on if this will happen again or not. There’s just a lot of “depends on the person/situation” tho.

[lu-is-not-ok]

A Narcissistic reading of Hong Lu

Yup, I'm actually doing this.

To lay down some facts first: I have NPD, alongside a bunch of other things that coalesce into a nuclear concoction strong enough to kill every dark empath in a five mile radius. If I find you ableisting it up, I give myself the permission to smite you. This is a threat and a warning.

Now, let's talk about Hong Lu. Because as it turns out, he might just be the most difficult literacy check in Limbus Company according to what I've seen.

I could just say "I'm a narcissist and Hong Lu is just like me fr fr so he's a narcissist too" and end the post, but honestly, where's the fun in that? There are, legitimately, things I want to yap about, so I'm going to yap about them, and no chucklefucks can stop me.

So, to start this off, let's make one thing clear.

Hong Lu is not only a good actor, but also a skilled liar. The way he navigates conversations and the methods he uses are just as important to analyze as the actual words he says, if not more so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that trying to understand him based Only on what he says and not how he uses the things he says would result in an understanding that's not only incomplete, but potentially outright wrong.

Now, this isn't really tied to why I think Hong Lu could be very reasonably read as having NPD, at least not directly. Narcissists aren't inherently evil liar manipulators, and if that's what you take away from this post, that's more of a you problem (and you can go ahead and block me considering I'm one of the evil liar manipulator narcissists according to you).

However, there is a reason why I have to bring it up. And it's because almost all of Hong Lu's narcissistic traits become a lot more obvious once you look at the exact ways he takes control of conversations.

With that out of the way, what exactly are we even looking for?

NPD, in my experience, primarily affects one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I personally found that the analogy of a pendulum makes the most sense to me - a narcissist's sense of self-worth can swing between massive highs and massive lows, almost never staying in a middle "balanced" position, with even the tiniest things being able to throw it to one side or another.

The ways this can present outwardly are. Quite frankly, way too fucking many to count. But there are some common threads we can keep in mind:

High sensitivity to criticism

Need for an external source of validation

Tendency to seek out ways to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful

So, does Hong Lu fit those criteria?

Well. Yeah. This post wouldn't exist if he didn't.

Let's talk about the first point, high sensitivity to criticism. And, immediately, I would like everyone to remember Hell's Chicken, specifically the scene where Meursault begins to verbally roast his team's dish, and in the process laying down a verbal smackdown on everyone involved. That scene ended like this.

Curious, isn't it? The moment Meursault was about to start criticising Hong Lu, he just jumps in and distracts Meursault with a change of topic - something even Dante's narration points out.

Mind you, this isn't an isolated event. This is just the most obvious example of Hong Lu exhibiting this kind of behavior.

Don't believe me? Just look at these.

These are all examples of Hong Lu either backpedaling, changing the subject, or otherwise trying to avoid the acknowledgement of something that criticizes his status, thought process, or (in the last example) which would reveal an emotional vulnerability.

This is a fairly consistent pattern for him, and that's not even getting into the fact that the line he says when hovering over him before a skill check he has a Very Low chance at succeeding in has him suddenly try to excuse himself and leave.

Hong Lu is absolutely highly sensitive to criticism, it's just that his primary emotional reactions aren't ones we're privy to. Instead, what we get to see is how he acts to try and minimize the impact of those criticisms, if not outright find ways to never let them leave someone's mouth in the first place.

Next up - need for external validation.

This one doesn't have as many examples as the previous point, as Hong Lu is a generally closed off person who keeps a certain level of distance from most other Sinners. However, that doesn't mean I don't have any.

One such example comes from Canto 4, where soon after acting out his part in the play, Hong Lu seeks validation from Yi Sang.

Then there's this moment in Canto 6, where Hong Lu, once again, seeks validation for something he's done.

And then there's also these lines from Hong Lu's various Identities.

Aaaand then there's these base Identity voice lines, which, if you ask me, feel a bit like fishing for compliments.

This point is a lot harder to say is a definitive one, mainly due to Hong Lu's more closed off projected personality. That being said, the fact that one can find examples of it despite that is pretty notable.

And for the final one - trying to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful.

This is one that's a bit harder to provide exact examples for, as again, Hong Lu isn't someone who talks about how he feels often, and when he does it's not always exactly trustworthy. He's not like Rodya, who while still putting on a facade, is pretty open and easy to read about how she actually feels.

But, there's still some non-mutually exclusive interpretations I want to posit here. Two, in fact.

One - I believe that for Hong Lu, the thing he sees as power is control.

See, avoiding criticism isn't the only time Hong Lu steers conversations. In fact, it's something he does All The Time. He's often the one asking questions to get the group moving, trying to gather information that might be relevant to him, and generally taking over the direction a conversation is going in. Chances are, if Hong Lu speaks up, it's likely to alter the conversation he joins in noticeable ways.

This, I think, is one of the ways Hong Lu makes himself feel more powerful. After all, it's not that hard to guess from what little bits of his background we have that Hong Lu lacked agency for most of his life. So, wouldn't it make sense for him that having that agency, that being able to be socially in control, would be the exact kind of thing that would boost his self-esteem?

In fact, the only times we see him rendered completely speechless, seemingly stripped of that confidence in conversations he usually exhibits, are in Canto 7 - specifically in scenes where he's Not In Control of what the others are talking about. Those scenes being when the other Sinners start shit-talking Xichun in front of him, and when Xichun actively tries to bother Hong Lu by alluding to the way he's been treated back at home.

Extremely confident until something external happens that utterly strips him of that confidence... sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Then, there's the second interpretation.

See, with NPD, there are two ways a narcissist can try to make themself feel more deserving of attention. One is the one most probably think of when they think about narcissists - setting out to fulfill extremely high goals to feel amazing when one reached them and then feeling utterly crushed in the case one doesn't. This would be someone like Rodya.

However, there is also another way, one which I personally have much more experience with - to undersell. To set extremely low expectations, so that it's as hard as possible to fail reaching them, and to feel way better upon surpassing them than one would with higher, more "regular" expectations.

This, to me, is exactly the kind of narcissist Hong Lu is. Think about it. He's constantly putting out this image of an extremely sheltered person that barely understands the outside world, with notable moments where it's made clear he's Just Making Shit Up at points. Wouldn't making one seem unable to do anything, only to then proceed to do things you've led people to not expect of you, make it feel like you're much more exceptional than you really are?

The underselling goes the other way too. When the other Sinners point out something odd about Hong Lu in a more positive way, he's often quick to point out how it's Nothing compared to what his Family expected of him. Wouldn't that make one feel exceptional, to make it seem like whatever effort you're putting in to do well is but a fraction of what else you can do? That you don't even have to try to be able to be special?

...So, there. That's all the analysis and interpretation I find important to do to get my point across.

Just to make it clear, I don't think that the only thing wrong with Hong Lu is the narcissism. There's definitely a lot more shit going on in that head of his. But, I'll be honest, the NPD reading felt so obvious to me that it genuinely took me by surprise that other people don't see it.

Though... maybe I shouldn't be shocked. Some fuckers out there still think Faust is a narcissist when she's literally just autistic.

[mialikeshockey]

Kiss Me - Jack Hughes

Being with Jack was always like a fresh breath of air. Never was there a moment where we weren’t giggling and laughing over the most ridiculous things. Everything was always so smiley, it’s kinda why being with Jack was always so special to me; until I remember he’s my twin brothers best friend. Jack would never be anything more to me than my brothers best friend. Case would never allow it for sure.

So I thought…

“Hey lil mac, how’s it going?” Jack says walking into my room. “Case is out back with Trev.” Jack chuckles, “I wasn’t gonna ask about him, but great to know.” I set my book down on my blanket, “What were you gonna ask about then? You never just come in my room to talk unless Case isn’t home, and well, Case is home.”

“Who said i didn’t wanna talk to you even while Mac is home?” Jack picks my book up and starts looking over at the back. “Since when do you enjoy reading, give me my book back.” I say, taking my book out of his hands. “Ouch. I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about me Lex.” I put my bookmark in my book and close it, gently setting it down on my nightstand.

Before I could get a word out, Case runs in my room giggling,Trevor following behind him. Case jumps on my bed, landing right on top of me. “Ew! You stink! Get off my bed Case!” Case just chuckles. “It’s not funny, I will push you off. You have five seconds to get up.”

Case gets up, “Come on Hughesy, we gotta head out soon. Marshall and Danny are waiting for us at the rink.” Case walks out of my room, Trevor following him like a lost puppy. “I guess I gotta go.” I lay back on my pillows, “yeah, I guess so.”

“I’ll call you later lil mac, and ps, maybe this time, answer the phone.” He pats my head and walks out. I grab my book and try to finish what I was reading before, but all I could think about is why he wanted to talk.

—

Later that night, I finished up some last minute homework before I could head to bed. I finish packing my bag for school tomorrow and my phone lights up, with Jacks name on the screen. I sit there thinking if I should answer or not, why would he even wanna talk to me anyways. I mean he does call and text a lot but I’m always dry with him and I don’t try to keep a conversation.

I let myself just have the win of my feelings take over and I answer the call. “I feel like I just won the lottery.” Jack says, very tiredly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jack chuckles, “lil mac finally answers one of my calls.”

“Well, make this quick, I wanna go to sleep.” Jack goes quiet for a moment, “Jack, I really gotta head to bed. I have an ap history test tomorrow.”

“okay, goodnight beautiful.” Jack hangs up before I could say anything. My heart drops to my stomach and all I could think about was his voice repeating that over and over again in my head.

I lay down in bed and try everything to get it off my mind, but nothing sounded as good as hearing him call me that. I close my eyes and relax and I was out.

—

My alarm is one of the worst things to wake up to. I hate the noise of it. I turn it off and give myself time to wake up, I sit up and check my phone. Nothing much to really check because I hate having social media but got it to see my families posts.

I turn on some music and I start to get ready. I get one of my jeans out with a sweater to go with it. I put my hair in a low messy bun. I was never big on makeup, I did put on mascara on every now and then but I have gotten used to not putting it on at all. I put some lip gloss on and headed downstairs.

All my brothers were sitting at the table eating breakfast. “Morning boys, morning Gav.” I say, giving Gavin a kiss on the head. “How come Gavin gets a special good morning and Case and I get a lame one?” Aiden gets up from the table, I take his spot. “I actually like Gavin.” Gavin smiles in response.

“Come on Lexi! We gotta go, I gotta pick up Jack!” Case yells to me, walking out of the door. My heart drops at Jacks name. I grab my bag and put my shoes on, “I’ll make cookies with you guys after school if you ask mom go get the stuff.” I tell Aiden and Gavin, they both nod.

—

We get to Jacks house and he walks out. He’s wearing gray sweatpants and an ntdp hoodie, his hair being a bit messy, but I always found that adorable. He gets in the front seat and looks back at me. “Morning lil mac.”

“Morning.” I say quietly, putting my face back down in my phone. Thank gosh the school isn’t far from Jacks house.

—

We get to school and i quickly get my stuff out of the car and walk to the building. I head to my locker and get my history books out and my notes to help study for the test. As I’m shutting my locker, I see a familiar face standing right next to me. “Can I help you?”

Jack rubs the back of his neck, “I wanted to apologize for last night.” I look over at him, “what is there to apologize for?” He gives me a confused look.

“Jack, your my brothers best friend, he’d kill me if I ever once said anything about having a crush on you.” I state, walking away. Jack walks with me, “so you admit it, you do like me?”

“Never said that.” I put my book to the side. “Well then, do you?” I stop and turn and look at him. “It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t Jack. Like I said, you’re my brothers best friend. I can’t do that to him. He’s my twin brother.” Before I could walk away, Jack grabs my arm.

“It does matter Lex, I already talked to Case. He trusts me. Why do you think he lets me come over so much and be around you?” I start thinking of all the times Case never got mad at Jack for hanging out with me and not him.

“I like you a lot Lexi. I wouldn’t be trying to do anything about it if I didn’t.” He grabs my hand. “So kiss me.” I say walking closer to him. “What?” Jack says softly.

“If you like me and Case is okay with it, kiss me to prove it because I don’t believe you.” Jack stands there and looks around. “Exactly.” I say, letting go of his hand and walking away. “Wait! Lex come here.”

Jack pulls me in and kisses me. “I don’t wanna mess up okay. I call you every night because you are my last thought before I go to bed. You’re the last person I want to talk to before I go to bed. I got scared last night and hung up because I didn’t mean to call you beautiful out loud. It just slipped out.”

Before I could reply to Jack, Case and Marshall appear out of the corner. “About damn time!” Case yells. “I’ve been waiting for this for months. Only took a couple pep talks!” Case pats Jack on his back. “Yeah yeah whatever Mac.”

The bell rings, Case and Marshall head the opposite way of Jack and I. Jack holds my hand, “you’ll do good on your test. You’re really smart.” I try to hold back my smile but being called smart is one of my favorite things.

He walks me to my class and before I go to walk in, he kisses the side of my cheek. “Good luck beautiful.”

I walk in class looking like a tomato with how red my face is from smiling.

—

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long, I was visiting family back home and haven’t really been on any social media. I wanna write more for Jack but I have like no ideas but I’m gonna try to post a lot more with holiday themed stuff so if you have requests feel free to send them in!

Credit to gif maker!!

(Also for the people that don’t know, Cases nickname is Mac so that’s why Lexi is named lil mac 😭)

[tra-archive]

It’s super annoying seeing 4B called a “sex strike.” I’ve been participating for almost a year now and it’s not about getting back at men or punishing men. I don’t even think about men when I’m not online posting radfem/terf stuff. My personal goal is to ignore men altogether and focus on my safety, my career, and my success. I’m only focused on myself and protecting other women. If that’s selfish and MiSaNdRiSt, so be it. (Also let’s not even get into the fact that plenty of 4B participants are lesbians and bisexual women, so some of us are still dating & having sex, just not with males)

4B is also about building a community, a sisterhood. I’ve never felt lonely because I don’t have a boyfriend, I have a strong female friend group and we hang out and play games on the regular. I also go to events that are either only for women or strongly female-dominated, where I’ve met so many amazing women, older and younger, that have become good friends to me. Many of these events are created and run by older women, who always seem very happy to have a young person like me join them. It makes me so mad seeing how older women are demonized especially on social media.

Just remember that if you’re new and considering 4B. It’s not about sticking it to men. Focus on keeping yourself safe and forming strong female friendships and communities.

[p-e-n-i-s-c-o-r-e]

Jewels

Summary: In which the reader and Lando had been broken up for a while. He comes into her jewelery store looking for something.

Warnings: Use of Y/n

Authors Note: Hey, fellas, how we doing. It's currently 10:31pm where I am. Meaning it's still Landos birthday 😼. Which is when I wanted to post this. Remember I am a beginner so pls don't bully me I'll cum :(. Anyways, enjoy!

It's been rough these past few years. Having had been broken by the person who you had thought was the one. The one who you were still deeply in love with now. Yeah, he was quite distant but you just thought he was stressed. Never have thought he would've called you late while you were sitting in your hotel room in Brazil. The words I think we should break up echoing into the room. The words sinking in as your heart breaks into millions of pieces. His reasoning being I fell out of love. You had hung up. You had this plan that you would quit your job, and surprise him at Brazil just in time to watch him race, but he broke up with you. Carlos was helping you with the plan, providing the paddock pass you would've needed. Now you don't know what to do. You don't have a job anymore. You had some money still in the bank yes, but not enough to pay the bills creeping in from your house back in Texas. You felt like dying. The one you loved with your whole being just broke up with you. You called Carlos, explaining the whole thing. He didn't know. How would he? Lando rarely had been talking to anyone lately. Carlos offered to help, which you appriciate, the only reason you were somewhat stable now was because of him. He helped you find an apartment in Monaco, helped whenever you were short with payments. You always refused, but he wanted to help. He felt bad for you.

Here you were now. You worked as a Jewler for a small Jewelry shop in Monaco, known for the most gorgeous engagement rings. You hadn't seen Lando in years, and your heart still hurt. Never really getting over him, you tried, went on a few dates here and there, your co-worker, Isabella, setting you up with a few guys she was friends with, but they never worked. They weren't him.

You were helping out a customer pick out a necklace for his wife's upcoming birthday when the door chimed, signaling a new customer had walked in. You look up ready to greet the customer like how you do the others, but you freeze once you lock eyes. It was him. The man you hadn't seen in 4 years. The man who had broken your heart. You feel your body start to grow heavy, but you keep it together.

"Welcome! If you need any specific help, just ask."

You say, looking at him like you don't recognize him. You turn back to the old man you were helping when Lando speaks

"Uh, yeah.. Engagement rings?"

What? Your face visibly falls, but you catch it quickly, not fast enough, though, because Lando notices. You speak.

"Yeah, right this way."

You lead Lando further into the store, where the Engagment Rings were showcased.

"Anything specific?"

You ask, your eyes scanning over the display of rings. Your heart clenching inside your chest.

"Anything with like... a flowery design? Oh, and a black band."

Your mind immediately thinks of one ring in stock. It was this beautiful double ring with a Moss Amite stone that sat in the middle, surrounded with smaller Mossanite stones, brought together with a black gold band that had leaves spreading around the stone. You walk over to the cabinet right next to the display case, and grab a small black velvet box, opening it to show Lando.

You watch as his eyes widen slightly at the sight of the ring. Your heart is starting to deflate around itself.

"Shit.. it's perfect... how much is it?"

"€1699.00"

You say, your voice betraying you as your voice breaks. He doesn't notice it, though, simply following you to the front counter to pay for the ring.

"So.. uh.. how you've been?"

"Alright."

You say, one worded answer. The air around you both is awkward. Very, very awkward.

"That's good."

Lando watches you type on the computer before speaking again.

"You got a boyfriend?"

Your body freezes slight at his words.

"No."

You look at him, he seems surprised. Everyone always is. How a pretty girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. You just couldn't find one.

"Really? Have you had one since.."

He pauses a bit, hoping you would get what he was trying to say.

"Little flings. Nothing serious." You say bluntly. Waiting for a few papers to print.

"Ever plan on settling down?"

You hesitate to answer with the truth, but you do.

"Don't think I'm gonna find anybody." You place a few papers in front of Lando.

"Sign these"

He takes the papers and signs them where it tells him. Hes not exactly sure how to keep talking to you. The air around you both was very awkward.

"That's.. sad. I'm sure you'll find someone, though. I didn't think I would, but now I'm about to propose."

Your lips purse together. You were noticeably uncomfortable, grabbing the papers in front of him and putting them away in a file.

He could tell that you weren't interested in the conversation, but what he was saying wasn't untrue. He thought it might be a bit better if you both got lunch together.

"Do you wanna.. get lunch maybe? Catch up?"

You open your mouth to talk, but quickly shut it afterwards. Hesitating.

"I.. I don't think I can do that to myself Lando."

"Can I ask why?"

You saw the look of confusion on his face. Did he think you both could just.. be friends?

"Let's not do this now." You flipped the card machine towards him.

"No, please.. we need to." He pleads with you, trying to get you to open up.

"Pay for the damn ring Lando."

Your tone is stern. You felt like you were about to cry.

He's slightly hurt by the sternness in your voice, but alas he does what he's told and pays for the ring.

"Can we talk now?"

"Fine. Follow me."

You lead him into the breakroom of the store. Closing the door slight, leaving it a bit cracked.

"Why can't you get lunch with me?"

He's very confused. It's been 4 years. He just wants to catch up. So much has happened since then.

"I.. I never got over you Lando."

He looks at you surprised. How was he supposed to know? He had assumed after all these years you would've moved on by now, but you haven't.

"You..-You're still in love with me?"

You look back up at him, tears starting to pool into your eyes.

"I told you. I never got over you."

You tried to keep your voice from breaking but it was a lost cause. Your feelings for him never died, only dimmed a little, but since he walked throught that door, they had lighten back up.

"Y/n.. I..-I don't know what to say."

You don't know why you had hope. The tinyist bit of hope that he might still love you. He broke up with you because he didn't love you. A few tears rolled down your cheek.

"You're an..-an amazing person, Y/n. You deserve someone who loves you. Someone that's not me."

You were silent for a little before you spoke up with a question.

"Lando..I need to know..-"

You paused, trying to find the right words.

"When did you lose feelings..?"

You could see Landos body stiffen, as I he was dreading this question. He knew he had to be honest.

"Um.. a year.. before we broke up."

A year? He led you on for a whole year? He pretended for a year that he loved you like you loved him. Forced 'I love you's, forced kisses, forced smiles, forced everything. Tears steadily fall down your cheeks.

"You..-You led me on.. for a year..?"

"I'm so sorry."

Was all he could muster up. You felt like your was getting the life squeezed out of it.

"Why didn't you do it sooner?"

"What difference would it have made? We still would've broken up."

You can't believe those words just left him mouth. Did Carlos never tell him?

"The night you had broken up with me was the worst night you could've done it. I was in Brazil. I was going to surprise you. I had quit my job to be there for you and you told me you didn't love me anymore. Do you know how hard it is to hear that? I had quit my job to travel with you, but I did it for nothing."

He looked surprised, which you understood. He didn't know you were in Brazil at the time. He was silent. Not knowing what to say.

"I..-Im sorry."

"Save your apologies, just leave, please."

Your face was stained with tears, and your heart hurt so incredibly bad. A year. A year he had led you on. You were so incredibly in love with him you couldn't even tell how he was faking everything, and it made you feel so bad about yourself. You let love blind you.

"Bye, Y/n."

You watch as he turns for the break room door. Opening it so he can walk out.

"Goodbye, Lando."

[frommybedroom]

inspired by this post

Even after he turns in his essay, he can’t stop. It’s not like he’s never written anything before, but those were the silly daydreams of a little boy with his head in the clouds, who dreamed of movie stars and damsels in distress. What he’s doing now is important. What he’s doing now is necessary.

On the third day in a row that he’s late to dinner—so late that Soda has to reheat his plate—Darry says, “What you been writing about, Pony?”

“Yeah,” Soda says, bringing the plate over and setting it down. “You’re always still up when I try to go to bed. I’ve had to replace the batteries in your flashlight twice now. Are you writing another story?”

Pony shrugs. Suddenly, all the words that pour out of him so easily onto the page get lodged in the back of his throat.

How to describe it to them? The urge—to not forget, to hold onto what was. To wring out the words and distill them into a watered-down version of his friends. Those measly words the only things left of Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston.

“Hey, Ponyboy, what’s wrong?”

Pony blinks, and Soda’s blurry face peers at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Darry scoot his chair closer to the both of them. Both wear matching expressions of concern.

“I just—” He swallows past the lump in his throat. “I just want to remember them.”

His brothers don’t say anything. So he keeps going.

“I—I can’t let them just disappear. They were here. They were real. And now they’re not. And I can’t let what their tombstones say be the only thing people remember about them. They were more than just a date.”

Soda leans over and ruffles his hair. It’s starting to grow out again finally, the natural dark roots beginning to peek through. “Don’t worry about that, Pony. You’ll never forget them. None of us will.”

“Yeah,” Darry agrees. “Dallas and Johnny were family, and family don’t—”

“I can’t remember what Mom’s perfume smelled like,” Pony bursts out. “I don’t remember what her high heels sounded like on the floor or the slight burning smell when she would curl her hair. And I try real hard to remember what it was like waking up and hearing Dad make coffee, but it’s gone. They’re fading. Like they were never actually here at all.” He clenches his fists, and there’s still a faint ache in his wrist. “I’m not gonna let that happen to them.”

He doesn’t tell them that sometimes at night, after Soda’s fully asleep and snoring like some dang bear, he sneaks out of bed and into the closet where they’ve kept Johnny’s clothes folded in a neat pile. Sometimes he holds them, brushing his fingers over the ripped jeans; sometimes he can’t bear to sully them. Which doesn’t even make sense because the shirt’s still got some of Johnny’s blood on it so it’s plenty dirty already, but he still feels like he’ll ruin it if he touches them too much or for too long.

He’s broken out of his thoughts by arms wrapping around him. A moment later, another pair of arms joins the first. And then he’s clutching onto Soda’s elbow and Darry’s forearm, and once again they’re all holding each other.

He wonders what this scene would look like to an observer: three boys in a rundown kitchen with grime caked under their fingernails and wearing clothes that don’t fit quite right. Unwanted tears escaping from tightly squeezed eyelids. A forgotten plate of food sitting on the table. No parents or friends anywhere to be seen.

He thinks they would see grief. And heartache and loneliness and pain. But maybe also hope. Maybe also love.

[strywoven]

hey , hi , hello — how are we ? great.

so here’s the skinny , the break has been good ( & necessary ) . i don’t think you need the details as to what all has been happening behind the screen , but just know i am slowly pulling my mental health back into something more manageable. you might be asking : what’s going on with the blog ? a few things are going to happen …

the blog will go through an overhaul ; new graphics , new theme , new carrd AND a new url ( “ilbound” ) . i am NOT deleting and starting over because , frankly , i don’t care to do that , so the next best thing is hard-resetting the entire blog.

i will be removing EVERYONE from my following because the number is high as it is and i feel like starting from square-one , ensuring that i keep a smaller circle of people , will help tremendously with how out of touch and disconnected i have been feeling regarding the RPC on the whole. this does not mean i don’t want to interact in the future if we organically find each other at another point , this is just for the sake of my own stability at present. you DO NOT have to like this post for me to follow you back whenever i restart the blog ( but it will help me to remember people’s urls ) . if this is where we part , i thank you for being part of my dash regardless ! know that even if we did not interact , i greedily consumed the content you all produced.

i mentioned in the post prior to this that drafts will be dropped. as of writing this , only 2 of you reached out to claim drafts so i’ll take it as a sign to employ my own discretion as to what i want to keep or toss. unprompted asks and starters i’ve yet to reply to are exempt from this ; i intend to keep those.

i intend to ( try to ) launch some new characters , too !

annnnd that should be it ! i don’t know when everything will be set up / finished , but the purge ( tm ) will be done around the 22nd. i’m shooting for the new year for everything to be settled but we shall see. i know this might not be ideal for people , but i’m not doing this to be bothersome ; it simply felt as if something had to be done to re-establish my space and make it feel “good” again. none of my negativity was due to anyone personally , it was a collection of things offline and the feeling of the RPC in general. as always , thank you for understanding and i shall see you when i see you ( likely on better terms ) .

[thumperdaetime]

Where's the post that talks about organic cranberry farms that use spiders as employees? if I remember correctly the spiders help naturally keep the pest down in cranberry crops without adding chemical deterrents. because the spiders are important for the health of your farm you can't kill them, but ALso because you flood cranberry fields for the harvest, and the spiders head towards high ground. So when you're out there wading threw a flooded field, you are their best escape route from a watery grave. witch I remember being why you have to warn would-be organic cranberry-bog employees, that they have to be really really chill with spiders. because you are likely to be sharing equipment with a couple out on the job. but then again i am not a first hand account.

And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

[buckleythoughts]

I think beyond the horrible writing of the break up and the biphobia laced through the episode, this arcs downfall were the post episode interviews. The biased nature of the interviewers treated the break up with a level of glee (no pun intended) that soured what the actors and show runners were actually telling us.

I looked back at all the interviews with a clearer head after the initial shock wore off, and besides Oliver’s poorly biphobic statement, nothing was said that was ever really permanent? The interview with TheWire is one I see people quote as to Lou never coming back because of what Oliver said. However if you look at it, he is never quoted saying that. What we do see is the author’s interpretation of what he means. Using the words “most likely” without an actual direct quote is a choice to sway the reader’s thoughts.

Lou’s interviews were written as “exit interviews” however if you take those two words away, it doesn’t really read like that? We have to keep in mind that Lou himself didn’t use those words and the author themselves never use those words within the article. They say mention him saying goodbye to the show, however with 9-1-1 we know goodbyes are rarely permanent. The words exit interviews come from their Twitter account in which iykyk how biased they are.

My interpretation based on both Oliver’s words from the interviews for both 08.05 and 08.06 as well as Lou’s is that BuckTommy were always meant to go on a break however the break was never intended to be permanent. Oliver mentioning in the pre 08.05 interview (released the week of air) what he would want to see from Buck if BuckTommy were ever to go on a break matches up to his statements post 08.06 of what he wants to see next. 08.05 is also when he mentions his infamous longing will they won’t they quote. This makes sense considering this break up where the writers truly didn’t make it any ones faults which impacted the audiences longing for the relationship to come back.

Lou on the other hand mentioned that he would love to come back if scheduling allows. I think people are worried by Lou seeming uncertain if he is back however I think 1. He doesn’t know when he will be back so he doesn’t want to say anything 2. If you let the audience know that they will work it out, it diminishes the impact of the will they won’t they.

My feelings on this break up remain hopeful for the make up. I think people will interpret however they want. I do however think many were impacted by the biased way the interviews were written which in turn played a big role in the backlash that the show received because they make it sound so final. We have to remember that those journalist spewing their thoughts on Twitter are 1. Catering to a certain side of the fandom who they play for engagement and 2. Don’t know more than we do. They don’t have access to future plans, scripts anything like that. All they get is the screeners a view days before we actually see the episode.

Moving forward, I think ABC would be smart to rethink their post episode press strategy because this absolutely contributed to the backlash they are getting. As always if you have any thought about the episode and the way things were handled, please let ABC know.

[calware]

You might've answered something like this before but how do you pick colours for your art? Your choices are always so striking, visually interesting and delightful. I would love to learn your ways. (also hi)

WAAHHHH THANK YOU <3 <3 (also hi!!) first of all i do have a post from quite a while back with some general tips that you can check out, but my process has changed a bit since then so i can definitely elaborate a little bit more!

observation

this first tip is not very straightforward (sorry) but something i try to do is pay attention to the colors and lighting in the real world and try to remember what moments really stick with me. like when you're watching the sunset and the light from the sky washes everything in pink and tints the buildings orange, or when it's dusk and the light blue of the sky contrasts with the dark blues of everything that's in shadow, or looking in a lake and all the greens, browns, and blues mix together in rich jewel tones

i try to keep track of these things & the emotions they make me feel (almost like taking notes in a mental journal) so i can try referencing them when i want a certain drawing to feel a certain way. AGAIN this is really not straightforward and i don't really know how helpful it actually is...? but i find that observation can be a really helpful tool and i find myself doing it a lot

references

sort of the same as the last point BUT using preexisting photos and artwork instead! this one is more straightforward because you can actually reference them as you are drawing. i said this in the other post i made but i think that looking at other images and asking yourself "how is the artist/photographer using the colors to make it look this way? how do i recreate that?" and using that as a way to study their use of colors can be really helpful. if you find a drawing that has cool colors, try using those colors in your own drawings and see how they look!

that said, i would try to avoid color-picking things directly because i find that if you try choosing them on your own you 1) gain a better understanding of what you're doing 2) have more control over what you're doing and 3) you can "push" your colors in ways you might not if you color-pick directly

play with contrasting hues

i think this might just be a personal preference, but i find that i'm not as big of a fan of monochromatic images, and i prefer it when drawings utilize a wide variety of hues. this goes especially for ones that implement more contrast in the hues (not necessarily where the colors have more contrast in value, but rather contrast as in they're further apart on the color wheel)

for example, in this drawing, everything is washed in green light except for rose's skin, which is a very saturated reddish-brown. this is sort of what i mean by "pushing" the colors because, in a realistic setting, a person sitting in green lighting is going to have a more greenish-looking skin tone (like in this drawing). you can see this in how the whites of the drawing—her hair and eyes—are greenish, but i made the stylistic choice to not do the same with her skin to create contrast between the two hues

i edited the one on the bottom to match the green-ness of the rest of the image, and the effect is pretty noticeable! green light makes people look less lively, almost sickly (which is good to use if that's the feeling you want to show, of course)

another small example of this is in this drawing where i use a couple of different hues in davesprite's body. overall, it registers as orange, but i like to ever-so-slightly introduce a bit of green to contrast with the orange, letting the lightest values tip into the greens instead of stopping at yellow to contrast with the muted red in the wings. the darkest values are purple, which also contrasts with the yellow parts. the only hue missing from this image is blue! the colors are all still analogous, and the greens and purples are a lot less saturated than the oranges and yellows, so nothing clashes and overall leads to a more subtle contrast

the colors on the top are the ones from the image, while the ones on the bottom i see used a lot more commonly—which isn't a bad thing! i just think it looks nice to use a wide range of hues because of the way they complement each other :)

other than these strategies, my process varies greatly depending on what i'm working on, so it's difficult to get any more specific than this (unless you'd like to ask about the process of a specific drawing!) there isn't really any step-by-step method i use for every drawing i make, usually i am doing something different each time based on the goals i have for the project

[ladyiristheenchantress]

Spotting Witches with Bad Intentions

This post is not going to be a call out post, its not even going to be a witch hunt, instead this post is aimed towards beginners who may be getting into the community, looking for mentors, and dont know how to spot bad apples yet, so lets take a look!

What am I talking about?

When it comes to magic or spirituality when you enter a new community you are being exposed to new practices, voices, opinions, and more. It can be really hard to navigate what everyone is saying, and sometimes we can accidentally fall into the wrong groups because we just lack the knowledge to spot when someone is being shady or has ulterior motives.

Accidents Happen

So, before going into how to spot bad actors we need to look at accidents. Sometimes we join a community and the person has genuinely good intentions but are accidentally contributing to stigma.

A big example of this would be creators on a short form content sites, you can make a spell, but its very hard to explain it within 15 seconds of content and a lot of people wont follow up with the reason behind something. Sometimes you get creators that follow a format, or push beliefs without really understanding why (for example "rosemary is a universal herb").

Another accident could be when you just meet someone so set in their ways, its very hard for them to see other perspectives. You can still listen to their people, see how they argue against push back, and learn something, the problem is sometimes this group has trouble taking accountability, correcting information, and that is a good thing to note.

Finally another big accident I tend to see is within heated spaces, you can learn a lot from debate, however you need to identify what platform you are on, the type of information being provided, and play devils advocate. Not only does it make you a stronger thinker, but it helps you figure out where you stand on hot topics.

These are just some accidents out of many, and I will be going into how to spot when someone is being accidentally bad faith, but the biggest thing to remember is to keep your peace. Sometimes youll meet people eager to help and accidentally spread mis-information, sometimes youll meet a mentor that is so deep in their path that they cant help you with other topics, whats important is that you process the information and fact check it and learn how to make your own opinions.

With that being said lets move onto what a 'bad actor' is

What are 'Bad Actors'?

A 'Bad Actor' is someone in a witchy or spiritual community that has bad intentions for you or someone's practice. They seek to gain something from you, whether its money, fame, followers, or even information, these people are looking to use you for a goal.

Bad actors come in all forms, whether its predatory media companies, stars on tic tok, or even one-on-one mentors, and it can be very easy to be swept up in abusive situations. These groups exist in many many forms so lets get into some examples.

What are some examples?

In all of these examples I will be getting into how to spot the good, bad, and dirty. These are not all the examples, but pretty close haha

Bigotry - This one is self-explanatory, you know you found a bad actor if their ideologies aim to harm people directly. Concepts like racism, homophobia, sexism, do not belong in our community.

Tic Tok as a tool - Something I see a lot is that tic tok can be full of bad actors who are looking to make money with your view. Whether its 'rage bait' saying someone isn't practicing right, or chasing clout by making up a hex, tic tok is filled with mis-information that can be hard to separate from genuine people. The issue with short form content is that its so short, your not getting really deep information and its hard to cite sources. (common on tic tok, instagram reels, and short form content)

Liars and Mis-information - Often times this section gets mixed up with people who genuinely are un-informed, so you may hear lies like 'you can only be a woman to be a witch' or 'you cant buy your own tarot deck, it must be gifted to you' and what's important to know is that bad actors and genuine people react different to these kind of mistakes. (Common on reddit, amino, and tumblr, mainly forum based sites)

"elder" Baiting - This is the concept of people who either purposefully play up their 'years of experience' to create a false image of themselves, or it can be people who act as if they have really complex and deep information and the only way to access it is to follow in their foot steps. (Common on tic tok, discord, and chat sites)

"Hero" Baiting - This is the concept of people who feel the need to 'fix' someone or something. They feel this need to help you on your practice, but they end up micro managing your craft and spoon feed you answers so you never learn the skills you need to think for yourself. Often time this group then leaves you when they are done molding you into what they want you to be. (Common on discord, Instagram, and twitter)

"Mentor" Baiting - This is when someone claims to be a mentor and either only teachers their way of thinking and doesn't encourage research, or becomes hostile when they advertise being a mentor so people ask questions. This group tends not actually teach anything, and instead uses people as an ego boost and for credibility. (Common on every platform)

Fear Mongers - This group of people starts rumors or spreads mis-information to create terror, chaos, and sometimes even profit off of it. A big example is when a group of trolls spread the idea they hexed a god, and then broke off and created fake stories about 'that god being mad and affected by the hex' causing beginners to panic while profiting off the videos. This group tries to spread as much as possible, as far as they can. (Common on every platform)

Cult Leaders - This is both literal, and figurative, but it represents a group of people that are preaching an ideal, and create an echo chamber of supporters to gain credibility. It is VERY important to research genuine spiritual cult movements, and also keep an eye out for spaces that seem to follow cult flags like restricting information (more on that below, common on discord, reddit, and forum spaces)

'Holier than Thou' - This is actually a complex, people who have a holier than thou complex are people that see themselves as so wise and great that they will gatekeep information, talk down to you, and give bad information because they cannot fathom that they are equal to all of us. They believe they have some divine knowledge or journey only they are on, so they talk down to others. (common on every platform)

Scammers - This is an easy one, this is your pushy tarot readers trying to steal from you, these are people that are trying to get you to take a class for sacred information that's really just on Wikipedia, these are groups try to take advantage of naivety and usually money is the goal (Common on every platform)

Religious Gatekeepers - These are groups that take an open concept but try to gate keep it, for example we saw this happen with tarot in 2020 where a group tried to argue its closed before the community came forward and said it wasn't. Their goal is to gain attention, money from post interaction, and spread mis-information. (Common on discord, reddit, and forum based platforms)

Bad Faith Activists - These are 'activists' similar to gatekeepers, who aim to be a super loud and controversial activist so that way they can gain attention and a following. Often times they use clickbait statements, don't give information till the very very end of a video, and tend to be performative online. (common on Instagram, Facebook, and tic tok)

Echo Chambers - These are spaces where everyone thinks so alike that new ideas are rarely introduced. Mainly you see a lot of dog-piling, shared sources, and empowered takes on things because no one is there to disagree or add research. (Common on forum based platforms and chat platforms)

How can I spot it?

In relation to accidents: A lot of what we just went over can happen to innocent people, beginners can take on a holier than thou complex, elders can accidentally create echo chambers, whats important is how they react to correction. People who are genuine tend to adjust or explain their behavior and are willing to hear you out, they open the door to communication, and are willing to house a discussion. Sometimes people spread mis-information on accident because something is just so repeated its hard not to believe it. Whats important is we give the benefit of the doubt to people when we first interact with others, and watch out for the warning signs. In relation to true bad actors: Some common traits exist when it comes to bad actors, its

Aggression or passive aggression

Cannot admit fault when corrected on something

Weasels out of conversations

Refuse to house certain discussions unreasonably (no danger present in the topic)

dogpiles people asking questions

Presents themselves in a position of total authority with little to back up their claims

Tries to back you into a corner for money or information

Bullies or is belligerent towards you

Talks down to you

Will discuss a concept, but when asked questions, aggressively tells you to 'just research'

Cant backup claims with specific sources, or wont identify Unverified Personal Genosis

Another big thing we have to discuss is cult behavior, especially when it comes to spaces like discord where a server owner can easily create echo chambers, its important to identify these common traits

Absolute Authority without accountability

Zero Tolerance for criticism or questions

Hiding financial topics (i.e hiding the price of a reading and trying to force you to pay whatever price they set AFTER the reading, pressuring you to join a group for a small fee, not telling you where money is going in an organization)

Creating fears about the real world which turn into conspiracies or witch hunts

A belief that people who left the group are evil or wrong, and not being able to fathom why someone would leave a group

Abuse of members, this can occur even on discord via verbal abuse, doxxing, threats, blackmail, and much much more

Records, books, articles, hashtags, documenting abusive traits of the leaders

Members feeling like they arent 'good enough' or cant live up to standards set by the group

Belief that the leader is right 100% of the time

A belief that the leader has a divine truth and seeking validation from them

Lets remember guys that Anyone can fall victim to a cult, they are very good at what they do, and they do exist in magical spaces even on social media. Its very important that you remember these people arent 'stupid' but they are victims of manipulation and it is our job to support them.

For more information click me

Finally remember BITE when looking out for cult spaces Behavior Control Information Control Thought Control Emotional Control Edit: Big thank you to the person who sent me this wonderful document, this is a model of common things that control groups use to indoctrinate people.

How can I research a claim or a person?

This is a wonderful question, here are some of my research tips and tricks, and I have made a couple posts about it before so lets take a look

Google names - This can be people, authors, organizations, servers, and this can tell you a lot about what people are saying, and if they are attempting to push an agenda.

Play Devils Advocate - When you see someone making a really bold claim, try to research things that would indicate the opposite. What demographics are on which side? Why is this happening?

Use the CRAAP test and other note taking strategies - When you see a claim its good to note it down, then do research on it at a later time and use test models to verify the credibility of the claim

Diversify your spaces - To get a good picture of what is going on, its good to check out vast communities to get a well rounded view of something, if you mainly stick to tic tok try branching out to chat spaces.

Sources Matter - If someone is saying something wild or out there, ask them where they got the information from. If they cant give you anything specific, then I would question if its coming from a source at all

Research is a nuanced thing, people research differently! Whats important is that you are comparing and contrasting things and forming your own opinions on a piece of media. Being well educated is a great tool and knowledge is power!

Final Notes

While this isnt perfect, and yes there are so many types of bad actors and traits, whats important is that we begin this conversation and start to help people identify who is looking to harm you. Its important to identify motives and keep yourself safe online! If anyone thinks of anything more to add feel free to drop it in my comments!

Fair winds my friends!

Tip Jar

[runawaybandito]

I wrote another subpar fanfic!

Originally posted to AO3

__________

A Lost Bag

Momo frantically dug through the boxes they just moved and groaned, "Where is it?"

"Miss Ayase, what's wrong?" Ken hurried to her side and lightly pulled on her shoulder, "Can I help you with something?"

The wind picked up, whipping Momo's hair into her face. She let out a frustrated huff and pushed the strands back, "I can't find my bag. It's fine, just go home with everyone else." She stood up straight and turned to head towards their new club's meeting space. "I'm going to go check the storeroom, I'll catch up with you all later."

Ken walked beside her, averting his gaze but getting pushed into her by another strong gust of wind. "Let me help you. We'll find it faster and then you won't have to walk home alone."

"Sure, okay," Momo pulled on her bangs as Ken glanced to her and saw pink creeping into her cheeks. She stopped in front of the old building and yanked the stiff door open.

The two stepped in, immediately met with the musty smell enveloping the small space. Momo flipped the switch by the door a few times, but none of the lights flickered on. "Guess the lightbulbs will have to be replaced before we meet in here. Come on, I think I might have left it in an empty box around here."

There weren't many boxes left, and Ken went to the few gathered on the opposite side of the building. Before he even had to open a box, he saw the bag perched on a shelf. He sighed and smiled, reaching up and grabbing it, "Miss Ayase, I fou-" the door suddenly slammed shut, causing him to drop the bag and washing the room in darkness. "Miss Ayase! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but..." Ken heard her rattle something in the dark, "the doorknob is stuck. Can you kick down the door?"

"I can, but I probably shouldn't. The school probably won't give us another space for our club if we break this one." He felt across the wall until he reached the door. Or rather, until he bumped into Momo. "I'm so sorry, Miss Ayase!" He could feel their sides touching, and his face heated at how much of her he could feel.

He moved to step back, but Momo grabbed the hand closest to her. "Why are you trying to run away?"

Ken's mouth dried and he stuttered as he thought of his answer, "I uh... I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

He was pulled over until he could feel Momo's chest against his own. "Okay, but what if I'm not uncomfortable?"

It was possible that she was going to kill him - his heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest and he felt like he couldn't remember how to breathe. Ken pulled his hand from Momo's grasp and placed both of his against the door behind her, subsequently trapping her between his arms. Had he been able to see the position they were in, Ken Takakura likely would have sent himself into a panic attack while apologizing and trying to put as much distance between the two of them. As the situation currently stood, he had too many hypotheticals running through his head and far too many ideas of what he wanted to do with Momo. "Please, don't toy with me. I'm an awkward guy, I don't know what you want me to do."

Momo grabbed his uniform and pulled him to have their bodies fully pressed together. "I want you to do something."

Certain that she could hear his pulse with how loud it was pounding in his own ears, Ken leaned forward until he could feel her breath against his lips. "But what do you want, exactly?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing, Okarun." He pressed his weight against her at the sound of his nickname, gritting his teeth and clenching his hands into fists in an attempt to ignore how she felt against him. "Please, I trust you."

Ken hesitantly tilted his head towards Momo's, barely brushing their lips together. After what felt like an eternity, he finally pressed his mouth against hers. Immediately, Momo's hands laced through his hair at the back of his head. Her touch sent shocks down his body, but he smiled into their kiss as he considered that she was likely trying to keep him from running away.

His hands had moved from the wall to rest on either side of Momo's neck and were slowly moving down her shoulders and arms. Dropping from her elbows to her waist, Ken lightly dug his fingers into her sides through her sweater. His hands ventured further until he grazed the bottom of her skirt, and he felt himself harden as he fought the incessant urge to lift it and put a hand between her thighs.

Momo pulled down against the back of Ken's neck, causing him to break the kiss out of confusion, "What are you doing? Do you want me stop?"

"No, I'm just trying to get more comfortable."

She managed to get him to follow her down to the ground, but he started to unbutton his uniform jacket instead of resuming their previous actions. "You need to be careful, you could get your clothes dirty," Ken pulled off his jacket and handed it to Momo, "here, put this under you."

Momo scoffed as she took the jacket, "You know this just makes it so now your clothes are going to get dirty."

"That may be, but I'm not worried about me." She rolled her eyes at the response but complied, spreading the jacket on the ground beside her. She laid back and pulled Ken with her, causing him to jerk back for a moment. "Miss-"

"Quit it with the formality. You're not allowed to address me by my name anymore unless it's by my first name." She tugged on him again, but he resisted.

"Fine," he stuttered, "Momo, what are you doing?" Ken was fighting against the thoughts of Momo on her back underneath him, writhing and in a state of undress. He wouldn't try to go that far in this moment, but he noticed the hardness straining against his pants even more at the idea.

"Nothing, just trust me." She pulled him again, and he finally complied, lowering himself to hover over her.

With shuddering breaths, he kissed her again, more intensely this time. Momo's thighs squeezed against his hips, and Ken groaned into her mouth. He tentatively brushed his tongue against hers, waiting for this to be the point that she'd push him off and tell him get away. Instead, she tangled her fingers into his hair and hooked a leg around his hips, pushing them down against her own like he'd been trying so hard to avoid.

Hands made their way to Momo's thighs, sliding up under her skirt, but still keeping distance from where Ken truly wanted them to be. He reveled in how much of her he was able to hold and how soft her skin felt in his hands. Gripping where her hips met her thighs, he lightly dug in his nails and pulled her hips up as he pressed himself against her. "Okarun," Momo gasped into his mouth.

Ken pulled away enough to rest his forehead against hers. One hand went to her inner thigh and his thumb traced circles where he could feel the warmth between her legs. "Momo, I'm going to need you to not say things like... that."

"I don't know what you mean," The smirk was obvious in her voice, "you're the one making making me do that." She took the hand still on her hip and slid it under the hem of her shirt.

"Momo," Ken squeaked out, "what are you doing?" He kept his hand still on the skin of her stomach, scared to move it and cross a line.

"You don't have to be so scared, I won't bite." She grabbed his hand and moved it to cup her breast over her bra. "I told you, I trust you."

Ken was thankful that the dark hid them from eachother, as he was sure he wouldn't be nearly as confident if he could see the way she was looking at him - that was much better left to his imagination. He removed his hand from under her shirt, leading to a protest from Momo that he cut off by biting her lower lip, eliciting a gasp from her. He kissed down her jaw and to her neck while his free hand untied the bow around her neck and freed the top button of her blouse. His hand went back to push up her shirt and slid under her bra, while he bit and kissed the newly exposed skin around her collarbone.

Ken wasn't entirely sure that he could believe what was happening. He moved his head back to press his mouth against hers, covering her gasp as he ground his erection against her. He was kissing the girl he loved, and she was kissing him back and asking him to touch her more. He could imagine how depraved they looked with him on top of Momo and between her legs, one hand up her skirt and the other in her bra. The mental image sent a shiver down his spine. He was certain that any moment, he'd wake up and this would have all been dream.

A metallic clinking sound came from the door and the pair quickly scrambled away from eachother, trying to fix their disheveled clothes as quickly as they could. The door swung open and Ayase's grandmother stood there, lit cigarette in her mouth and wearing a deadpan expression. "It's almost dark out and you idiots decided to lock yourselves in a storeroom. Do you know how long it took me to find you at this damn school after Jiji said you guys didn't walk home with everyone else?" Ken and Momo sat there, still shocked that they were almost caught. "You need to tell the school to have maintenance replace this doorknob, the lock is rusted. I managed to get it open this time, but it's a real safety hazard." She glanced between the two of them and puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Quit your gawking and get your asses up so we can go home."

"Yes ma'am," Ken quickly muttered and basically sprinted out of the building.

Momo took her time getting up and grabbed her bag from where Ken had dropped it before standing beside him. "Whatever, can you give the lecture a rest so we can go home already?"

"Watch the attitude," Seiko said with a smile.

The three started back home with Momo and Ken following behind Seiko. Ken bumped his shoulder against Momo's and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers with hers and looking anywhere but at her to hide the growing smile on his face. They walked back together in a comfortable silence.