#i keep it all from falling apart
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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.
Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.
Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.
Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.
There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.
#svsss#luo binghe#svsss au#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#disciple shen yuan#lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops#im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either#had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him#when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi#hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th#sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his#back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's#face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is#INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and#the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of#his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so#unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face#and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc#he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]
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man. fuck your boss so much forever, i’m glad you’re leaving and hopefully don’t have to deal with that shit anymore. on your last day you should look him dead in the eye and push it off your desk like a cat
WHOOPS didnt see this yesterday but literally fuck him forever i cant wait to walk out of here this afternoon knowing fully well he still hasnt found a replacement and now needs to deal with the entire workload alone lmao
#like i know my ego is gigantic but for once its actually not my hubris talking when i said the reason this office is still going well is bc#i keep it all from falling apart#he comes in every day at like 12-1pm then does fuck all#hes literally always on his phone showing us memes that his contacts put in their whatsapp stories#and he only actually takes over a case when it is EXTREMELY urgent and when i literally dont legally have permission to handle it myself#he puts all his personal appointments like pedicure or massages or just hanging out with his mom like he puts it all in the work time window#the last month before his wedding he had whole days where he just didnt show up at all bc he was busy planning his wedding#do you think i couldve done that. as an employee. do you think i couldve just went ah well shucks i have personal stuff going on i cant#come in today lmao#like literally if he doesnt find a replacement soon hes gonna lose a whole bunch of customers#asks#anon#txt#CAN YOU TELL I DONT LIKE HIM LOLLL
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all silliness gone
#combining my aus to create a supernova of. dread#(also the whole 'sonic is the only one to remember 06' thing)#it comes back to him in bits and pieces#just messes with him a bit#MAN ive gotta practice comics. if i could just put this all together in a cohesive way#but enough of that. ghost!sonic is soo fun to color i have a new favorite way#its kinda hard for him to keep himself together in this form so there are bits around him#also because its my favorite thing he falls apart a lot more when he gets frustrated or angry#sth#doodles#actually dead au#memories of the wind au#saying woof is something i picked up from amphibia i think. i cant stop saying it its so fun. like youre tired. woof.....#back to silliness after this one. probably
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What Mahito did: Manipulate Junpei into being his friend and then killed him in front of Yuji, laughed about Yuji's desperation to save him, killed Nanami, got Nobara into a coma, destroyed one of Todo's hands
Yuji with Mahito at the end:
What Sukuna did: Threaten to kill Yuji's friend multiple times, ripped Yuji's heart out of his chest and then tricked him into making a Binding Vow that he would have to forget in order to bring him back to life, laughed at Yuji when he desperately begged him to try and save Junpei, told him over and over again that his mere existence would bring destruction simply by being his vessel, destroyed Shibuya and killed countless of innocent people, ditched Yuji to make Megumi his new vessel, then sinked Megumi's soul as deep as he could in darkness in order to keep control of his body, killed Tsumiki, killed Gojo, killed Kashimo, killed Higuruma, killed Choso, almost killed Yuta and pushed him into using Kenjaku's CT to get into Gojo's body, kept praising literally everyone else but Yuji (while still trying to kill them), who he kept talking shit about instead, got pissed when Yuji showed pity and told him that he would kill every single person still left alive that Yuji cared about before finally killing him
Yuji with Sukuna at the end:
#personal#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#sukuita#like whaaaaaat#Sukuna: did much more evil things to Yuji#Yuji: don't worry pookie I love you anyway#Mahito: looks at Yuji the wrong way#Yuji: I will rip you apart piece by piece and watch as the light vanishes from your eyes and-#-I will track down every future reincarnated version of you to do the same over and over until the end of time#like#I don't even like Mahito but my boy Yuji was WILD#he's down BAD for Sukuna I just can't see it any other way bro#also I might have forgotten some thing but tbh Sukuna has done so much shit to poor Yuji I can't remember it all#the point still stands lmao Mahito did a FRACTION of what Sukuna did and got no pity I love my absolutely whipped son#Yuji and Kenjaku both absolutely obsessed with their respective Ryomen twin the apple truly does not fall far from the tree lmaooo#Yuji really said he'd keep living with Sukuna no matter what anyone else might say or think and that he'd stay by his side till the very end#they make me absolutely and completely feral#these bitches gay#(good for them)
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*rocking violently muttering to myself on my bed in a rainbow mess of a room* at least my plushies can’t be taken from me at least my toys aren’t going anywhere and least my plushies can’t be taken from me at least my toys aren’t going anyw
#plushies#toys#actually autistic#america#politics#implied and mostly for blacklist#plushblr#my toys are all i have i am hanging on by a thread the only thing keeping me from falling apart is i can still have my plushies
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my prediction right now is that a conversation between alicent and mysaria will occur in late s3 and have a similar function in the story as elizabeth bennet and lady catherine's conversation at the end of pride and prejudice lol.
in early s3, the relationship between alicent and rhaenyra will be strained because rhaenyra will believe alicent lied about aegon. but, as we move through s3, alicent will face no consequences for her "betrayal" besides being (very comfortably) imprisoned. in other words, alicent will suspect (though probably not consciously acknowledge) that rhaenyra still cares for her enough not to torture/execute her despite the perceived betrayal.
i believe this will inevitably climax with a private conversation between alicent and mysaria, who rhaenyra will be closest to during the beginning of s3. even at the top of s3, mysaria will be suspicious of rhaenyra's relationship to alicent due to the sept meeting, rhaenyra trusting alicent's plan to take the city, rhaenyra refusing to torture/execute alicent, etc.
as s3 progresses, rhaenyra and mysaria will grow to be more at odds as the interests of the nobles (with rhaenyra as representative) and the smallfolk (with mysaria as representative) begin to clash. this will culiminate in rhaenyra rejecting mysaria (for alicent) in some capacity mid-season, inspiring mysaria to confront alicent herself. up to this point, alicent may suspect rhaneyra's feelings, but her conversation with mysaria will make them explicitly known. alicent will realize that rhaenyra's love has kept her alive and well during her imprisonment.
the major consequence of this conversation will be that alicent, even if given the opportunity to leave king's landing in late s3/early s4, likely will not take it. knowing that rhaenyra's love is still there, alicent will seek it out. so just like elizabeth bennet realizes that mr. darcy still loves her after lady catherine reveals he intended to propose, alicent will realize that rhaneyra still loves her after mysaria reveals that rhaenyra is actively protecting her.
and to go even further, rhaneyra and alicent will potentially be given the opportunity to acknowledge their love for one another at the end of s3/beginning of s4 after rhaenyra turns away from the smallfolk after first tumbleton. in the same way that elizabeth and mr. darcy could confront their love for one another after lady catherine visits longbourn.
#this post was brought to you by a lesbian obsessed w pride and prejudice 🤩#but really#i am just trying to figure out why alicent wouldn't try to escape from the keep during s3 when she realizes rhaenyra isn't actually trying#and the reason that rhaenyra and alicent always come back together is because of their love for one another. but someone else would have to#and the person most likely#to see and recognize it would be mysaria as rhaenyra's closest advisor. their conversation would also represent a larger confrontation betw#as a force upholding rhaenyra's duty#inadvertently reinforces alicent#the force of rhaenyra's love. that even when rhaenyra has everything she needs to be a good queen#it all fall apart because the love (alicent) is still there and cannot be rid of#in this system love is almost a corrupting#destructive force. i just love this show soooooo so so much#hotd#hotd spoilers#rhaneyra targaryen#alicent hightower#rhaenicent#house of the dragon
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Its funny remembering that in a way Mulciber and Avery are more respectful than The Marauders.
Cause The Marauders bully Lily's ex best friend Severus, despite James being in love with Lily and them claiming to be the good guys. Like bro if you want the girl befriend her best friend, damn.
And Mulciber and Avery, who are friends or acquaintances with Severus which is said by Lily, apparently don't do shit to Lily cause when she tries to get Severus to see how bad they are she only brings up the shit Mulciber did to Mary, someone Severus doesn't even know. Avery & Mulciber are clearly blood purists so they would obviously talk shit and I really think they'd talk shit about Lily wether they were friends with Severus or not cause she's a muggleborn and a gryffindor.
Yet Severus still hangs out with them and has no other issues with them especially cause he'd throw a fit if they talked shit about Lily. And if he did they'd clearly hex him cause they won't take shit from a half blood. Like wether they left Lily alone in an effort to keep Severus on their side to recruit him or not, they seemed smarter then the marauders. Cause while they didn't try to befriend her obviously, they knew if they wanted Severus on their side they didn't target the one person he truly cares about.
Now wether Mulciber and Avery were really close to Severus or not they still didn't target Lily or say shit cause I feel like they would considering how much James goes after her so they'd hear a lot about her. I feel like they'd attack her out of annoyance or berate her incase they thought she believed she was all that but apparently not cause Lily doesn't bring anything up and I know damn well she would have. Severus probably would have left them if they did.
#like even after their friendship ended#they'd have a reason to teach her a lesson after the incident wether they cared about severus or not#cause while they don't go after the marauders possibly because they used the bullying to their advantage to get Severus on their side#I feel they would have gone after her afterwards or atleast say cruel things about her while Severus was more vulnerable#but I feel like they didn't since Severus still joins them without hesitation Mulciber and Avery are probably the ones that talked severus#into thinking that if he joined the DEs that Lily would come back to him#like they knew how to get severus and the marauders specifically james didn't know how to get lily from the beginning#cause mul and avery had severus from the beginning cause he didn't think badly about them at all but lily thought badly about the marauders#while they still ended up with who they wanted at the end. I say Mulciber and Avery were better#they were dicks clearly but they achieved what they wanted first before the marauders did#their friendship ending help both parties more but if sev was actually in love with lily mul & avery would have convinced him#that joining the DEs would make him more desirable to lily if their friendship hadn't falled apart or they did it from the beginning#cause its said thats what Severus thought and I feel it was Mulciber and Avery who made him think that#severus snape#mulciber#avery#lily evans#hp#random#random shit#anti marauders#I keep adding tags afterwards so I'm done now#no more tags#this is all my opinion its what I think
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so like it’s 1999 and solid snake is in zanzibar land and gray fox tells you that all he can do is fight. it’s all he has and it’s probably all you’re ever going to have, too, because deep down you know your father is right, you know he is right as you click the lighter and burn the flesh off his skin, you know he is right when he tells you, this will never go away. i am always going to be a part of you. it’s 2005 and solid snake is in shadow moses island, alaska and gray fox tells you that’s good, snake. hit me harder. do it more. that’s good. when you meet meryl you kill the guards, and then snake thinks he loves her, so you kill psycho mantis for her, ocelot tortures you and you withstand it for her, you beat liquid to a pulp for her and while his blood is on your fists he smiles and tells you that you two, you’ll always be the same. gray fox means violence means meryl means violence, so what’s love if not that? what is it if not the feeling of broken bones under your knuckles, if not the smell of your father’s burnt flesh? but she's too young, she doesn’t understand you and she couldn’t if she tried, because she’s eighteen years old and doesn’t know any better and doesn’t understand that after you sleep with her you’re going to get up and let the pillow grow cold, she thinks you’ll tell her everything and when you don’t, because you can’t, she’ll leave you. you kill him with your fists and for her you destroy shadow moses and you hear him say to you again that’s good, snake, that feels good, do it harder. but it isn’t a coincidence that in mgs1 you meet otacon at the same time you meet gray fox. otacon who is so scared of battle he pisses his pants and otacon who cries over a woman who could never love him back and otacon who thinks good people like dogs, kind people like dogs, otacon who passed you a meal, ready-to-eat and a bottle of ketchup across the bars of your cell and when you ask him why the fuck are you here if you cant help me he says to you, i thought you might be hungry. otacon who gives you her handkerchief that was once her mother's and will be hers once again when she dies, when you rest it atop her glazed-over irises, a cycle of love. she was a good person, snake, and so are you. she liked the wolves and you do too. otacon who cries over his baby sister’s little body, who blames himself for being seventeen years old under the touch of the woman who should have been his mother. otacon who when it's 2014 will make you the solid eye and the octocamo suit and the mk. ii to keep you safe and say to you, don't hurt anyone, snake. will say to you: i'll follow you wherever you go, like this. otacon who blubbers like a baby and cries too much and who, when it's 2009 in new york city, you have to say to, go rescue the hostages, because if you don’t he’s going to crumple in on himself, a dying star. this is how you love, you don’t say to him, and how i love, because you showed me how. wrap your arms around his shoulders and hope it’s enough.
#do you guys get it do u understand what im trying to say.#i am so. taken by 'i thought you might be hungry' because#EVERY SINGLE person who is significant to snake is defined by conflict and violence#then enter otacon. civillian. camouflages himself out of fear. shows snake care through this action. can't do anything really#but he can make sure he eats.#otacon who can't open up about himself because he doesn't know what he's feeling. just like snake#the understanding and empathy in 'you don't have to explain'#snake who is seen as disposable by his mission overseers but not by otacon#'go rescue the hostages' grounds otacon. gives him something to do. keeps him from falling apart#'that's enough crying' after sniper wolf in mgs1 versus the hug in mgs2#words aren't going to fix things. but i can show you how much i care#AM I MAKING SENSE???????????????#they will never say i love you to each other but they can make sure the other feels it. all the time#theyre so you held me the whole way through but i couldn't say the words like you.....i swear guys...i swear..................#just finished mgs4 liquid sun this game i MIGHT have a meltdown when i finish the game but for now. soldiering on!#ok im done#mgs#otasune#myne#mywrites
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in my sam-and-dean-fuck-during-stanford-era-thus-ruining-their-relationship-and-causing-them-not-to-talk-for-almost-twenty-years-in-which-time-dean-becomes-a-firefighter au, dean and bobby nash are really good friends. just, fyi.
#they're in the same aa group when bobby gets to la. dean's the only one with even a vague idea about his past and vice versa.#it's not a “let's help each other to be better healthier people” type of friendship#more a “you see the monster in me and i in you and don't flinch away so we keep each other from falling apart completely”#which is all vaguely homoerotic in the best ways but ultimately just a very deep platonic bond between two ultimately#lonely and alienated people#anyway#dean winchester#bobby nash#spn#911 abc#wincest#samdean#9 1 1#supernatural#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic ideas#crossovers#mine
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I was a part of an PMMM rp group ages ago and since I was last to join I was saddled with the role of Kyubey.
The original goal of the group was to try and create an alternative ending for a new cast of original characters. I believe the plan was to find a way to rp everyone into a happy ending if possible, but no one was against it turning out dark like the source material.
I don't remember a lot of the rules except for one because I purposely exploited it as much as humanly possuble. The rule was that if you had conversations with other players outside the main group chat you had to inform the GM of it and provide screenshot evidence of your conservations.
These private messages were meant to be used as filler rp where players could further develop their characters and relationships outside the main story. I want to clarify that I had full permission from the GM to use this option with less restrictions as they agreed it would be in character for Kyubey to seek out more private conversations versus participating more openly in the group chat.
Long story short I fully dived into my role as Kyubey and systematically went after everyone in private messages to turn them against each other. Again this was forever ago so I'm a bit foggy on all the details but I managed to convince at least 2 members to kill each other, got 1 to turn into a witch by manipulating their character into thinking another player's character was cheating on them with someone else from the group, and then managed to trick another player into doing a contract with some clever word play on my part that the GM later backed me up on when that player denied agreeing to it.
The group didn't last long mostly due to scheduling issues but I still hold some fond memories of it. I haven't been able to pull something like this since then.
But I'll never forget how it felt to watch all my machinations fall into place and the demented giggle I let out when that player finally realized I had tricked them into a contract.
I am ... good for you? XD
Tbh I have no idea how text based rp works, but your GM must have had really trusted you not to abuse the game and/or derail the story by making you fucking Kyubey a;dljkfa;lgjal;dajga
Personally, I've only ever played villain characters when I've been the GM/DM myself. So in that aspect, I can absolutely relate to that giddy feeling that comes with rping a villain and pulling one on the heroes.
But HOLY FUCK, man O_O
#dreamer ask#anon ask#puella magi madoka magica#madoka magica#kyubey#i'm still trying to process all of this#your GM had to have had a shit ton of rules to keep this game from falling apart#i have to assume#otherwise making you rp as kyubey/the main villain just seems like a sure fire way to make it end prematurely#damn now i kinda want to meet your GM
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aftg bonus content spoilers‼️‼️
ok but Kevin saying "Coaches have no honor" when wymack said coaches honor???? Like in tsc, spoiler warning if you haven't read it yet, it is revealed to us through Jean how much coaches are feared respected highly in the nest. They're seen at a higher level than a coach should be, seen as some superior being that knows better anyone. It absolutely destroyed me seeing Kevin say that but in the good way because I interpret it to be him unraveling and opening the tight stitches the nest sewed into his mind from a young age.
#aftg bonus content#aftg spoilers#kevin day#the sunshine court#jean moreau#He also seems to be firm and somewhat resentful?? in his statement but I'm not sure abt this since I don't remember the sentence fully#But idk I just see it as him finally opening his eyes and seeing just how messed up everything was in the nest#How he was gaslit and manipulated from a young age conditioned to endure tetsujis abuse and still keep himself from falling apart#He seems to realize that tetsuji (pretty sure he knew before but maybe it didn't properly hit him until after he left and saw how wymack wa#with the foxes) didn't deserve to be put on that high pedestal not when he lost all meaning of the game his mother created not when he lost#sight of its true purpose#if u have any different interpretations let me know! I'd love to know other people's thoughts on this#tetsuji moriyama#david wymack
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still thinking about the fact that it's impossible for lu guang to have ever actually tried the "never meet cheng xiaoshi" strategy. if he avoids cheng xiaoshi and cheng xiaoshi dies anyway, then lu guang doesnt get the dive ability from him and he can't go back and try again. and we know he must have kept diving every time because he's here now. there can't ever have been a timeline where he resisted the urge to meet cheng xiaoshi. that's the one variable he absolutely has never actually tried. even in the donghua timeline (his last chance probably) he couldn't actually go through with it.
now consider this plus the theory that them staying apart is the actual solution to cheng xiaoshi surviving past september 12. the one thing that will save cheng xiaoshi is the one solution that lu guang will never manage to try. what if you were in a doomed hell evil time loop trying to save your qpp but you were the one dooming him all along. your presence in his life is what kills him. your love for him can't save him. you destroy him with your inability to let go. you can't trade your life for his life, you can only trade your relationship. and even though you know this, you just can't let him go. because if you let him go and your theory is wrong and he doesn't live, then you really can't get him back. it's game over. and you'd rather kill yourself trying and failing to do the impossible than face that leap of faith
#ouh <- tormented by hell timeloop logistics#okay this is all assuming he doesnt get to keep the diving power aftwr he goes back if we take that to be true then all of this falls apart#seagull.mp3#link click#link click spoilers#also i keep thinking about “合��为一是前提 / combining 2 into 1 is the premise” from the musical#yes i know the clear and intended meaning however consider. evil <- absolutely fucking nonsensical#combining their powers in an evil way (cheng xiaoshis death) is the sole precondition for the loop. can anyone hear me
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I think Wei Wuxian going from arrogant, shunning his place in society, chatty as fuck but never says anything real -> basically the same but with LWJ on his side this time is not a good story actually. we were doing so well with the gradual buildup of past revelations and parallels between the senior trio (Lan Xichen-Jin Guangyao-Nie Mingjue) and the succeeding one (LWJ-WWX-JC) but then it all fell apart. there’s a difference between confronting your current self and developing from it vs. ignoring the past and living an idyllic dream.
#log.#mdzs#maybe I’m reading this in bad faith bc I personally don’t like characters being defanged & settling down into a fluffy life#but I do think the end of md/zs (~vol. 5) falls apart#because wwx keeps being an avoidant dense mf!! and jc gets no closure#I could elaborate but I have deadlines and stuff to do#also I do think it’s ooc that all it takes is a fall from grace for chattiest bitch in living memory wwx#to settle down with lwj and not end up spilling his guts to jc#like idec if they jc and wwx break apart forever. the tepid ass ending annoys me though#and like opposites attract but not to this degree (wwx and lwj). IMO
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most of the time i am deeply freaked out by these books, but then i remember the ultimate message is that they're called MY BRILLIANT FRIEND!!!!!! elena really said the most historical and the most unshakable truth about your life is that i loved you. elena's history book as an antithesis to all history books.(this is why it is the best one)
#AFTER THE DANCE CHAPTER WHERE SHE'S LIKE PASQUALE'S WORDS DID NOT AFFECT ME AS MUCH AS THEY DID LILA AT THAT POINT#enzo urging them all to go back home during that argument#pasquale and lila reduced to 2 people existing in a way they have no idea how to handle during that small silent moment where they agree#enzo knows better than either of them...#it all falls apart without the other perspective...#idk idk idk i am weird about lilapasquale again but THEY HAD TO KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HER...!!!!!!!#coughing up blood for real now...#l'amica geniale#ferranteposting#letters from stephanie*
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#gamers dont you love it when a friend breaks your heart#smashes every olive branch you extend toward them#accuses you of being the asshole when you fall apart about it#acts like they are sorry#and then just fully ghosts you 100%?#i am so fucking tempted to just give up man.#every time i meet someone and im like#''oh wait they seem normal? not hyperindividualistic? like someone who will like me always not just when im happy?''#''someone who wants to be my FRIEND not just a person in a discord call with me??''#and then i spread myself so fucking thin investing energy into the friendship#(which this person admitted wasn't even ENOUGH like i am SO EXHAUSTED from traumatic abandonment#and losing friends suddenly#that even me working at my MAXIMUM CAPACITY makes people feel like i don't like them)#every fucking time.#nothing turns out different. no matter how much work i put into it#the SECOND a person has the chance to abandon me. they will.#i am just sitting here with two forces inside of me#one who never wants to give up on love and friendship#and another who is so tired#i wish i could just be exhausted and burnt out#and someone or several someones. would love me anyways. love me enough that EVENTUALLY#i will grow my heart back#and i can love them threefold for all the love they showed me#but no one wants me even when i do have the energy to be a good friend so why the fuck would anyone want me like this#dude i am so sad i wasn't meant to live like this i was meant to make friends. close friends.#i just keep re-reading our last conversation before he ghosted me. maybe if i read it enough i can change the ending
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A few months back my friend said we should make candela obscura characters together and I said ok sure and then immediately came back with an idea for just. A guy dying of syphilis. Like somebody handed me this spooky edwardian setting and my brain was like yeah what if there was just some guy who was actively dying of syphilis. And also he sucks. Idk about you but that’s peak character creation imo
#he’s a petty criminal who hawks patent medicine and his body is literally falling apart. like what if I was just a Nasty Man.#all his teeth have fallen out and been replaced by silver ones. crows keep trying to steal them.#he’s covered in sores that are turning blue from silver nitrate treatment#he smokes 5000 cigarettes a day#and his best (read: only) friend is a 20 y old burnt out gifted kid who can see ghosts.#his name is alferd alber algernon iii. al for short.#candela obscura#ocs
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