#i keep hoping D's october project is going to happen and things will start going well again

[rat-rosemary]

Okay so this is a very melodramatic post and I know it's not the vibe since today it's the start of the droncerts but...

There's part of me that is convinced that this Quackity situation will end up fine somehow. That in some miracle in a few months he will apologize and things will go back to how they were. But it's not going to! I mean, if Quackity somehow gained the ability to have empathy and finally apologized I do think that Dream would take him back as a friend (not saying that's a good thing), but like... he's not going to, I know he's not going to, but I still keep hoping he will

[almostjollyprince]

100ish Days of Productivity: The Second Week

Day 5/100 - Jan 6 2024 I ran my D&D campaign. First session in months (we took a break for the holidays around October). Went pretty well. I had planned for that part that they were getting into to take 2 sessions, but I've got a pretty clever group so we managed to wrap it up in 1 session. Spookiness awaits. After the session I started finalizing the details for the Wednesday campaign because that's also starting up again in a few days. Rewrote some ideas as a means of hopefully jump-starting character development for some PCs. We'll see how it turns out.

Rest Day - Jan 7 2024 I took it easy and played games all day. I was hoping to be a little more productive yesterday, but I'm already feeling a bit of the burnout from this 100 Days of Productivity thing. On a side note, I'm almost done with Year 1 of Coral Island, so that's kind of cool I guess. I still haven't decided who I want to romance but it could also be that 1) none of the bachelors/bachelorettes really stand out to me as husband/wife material or 2) I don't care about the romance aspect of the slice-of-life farm game genre. It was like that with Stardew Valley, it was like that with Rune Factory, and it was like that with Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons.

Day 6 - Jan 8 2024 Weather was pretty bad, so I worked from home and provided support for the other developers. I'm trying to study for the certification exam, but the body doesn't want to do what the mind wants it to do. Like there's some sort of disconnect between wants and needs. I hate this feeling. Part of me wonders if I ever fully recovered from the severe burnout I had from one of my previous jobs that ruined my physical and mental health. I finished wrapping up the stuff I needed for the Wednesday campaign, so that was the evening/night.

Day 7 - Jan 9 2024 Roads were clear so I went into the office. Work work work. My buddy for the day and I built a modal that appears for one of the buttons, but after looking at how the original handles that part, it turns out that it should be a page of its own instead of a modal. That's fine, the heavy lifting is done and it shouldn't take more than a day to rewire it as a page instead of a modal. After work, I double-checked my notes for the Wednesday campaign and then just played games. Oh, and swap out the filters for the HVAC. It's supposed to get really cold over the weekend and it's around the time to swap them out anyway, so might as well do it while I don't have anything major going on.

Day 8 - Jan 10 2024 I'm in charge of deciding pairs every week, but it's really hard to follow the whole 'paired programming' thing when we're working with such a small team for the rotation, I can't pair certain roles together (orders from higher up), and the mid/senior devs keep getting pulled away to handle responsibilities that aren't even theirs to begin with. Someone confided in me that they were considering looking elsewhere because the whole reason they joined was for this pairing system and it wasn't happening. I get it, I really do. We should be getting some new blood in the office in less than 2 weeks so hopefully that can help shake up this feeling of drudgery. Rewiring the modal to the page didn't take longer than a half a day. We haven't coded any functionality into it yet because it sounded like we might be getting some new guidance for the project that might make everything we've done not matter. After doing some research, it looked like we could still connect what we have with the original framework after overhauling the older version of .NET we have for it to a newer version. Cool. That information will probably be presented at the meeting on Friday with the customer, so that'll be resolved. After some last minute prepping (once I got home from work), I ran the Wednesday session for my players. Like the Saturday group, they haven't played since October. Session went pretty well, but I did get some complaints about some stuff that went on during the session so I'll have to address them (again). It's the first session in months so I get that some of the rules we established were broken. Just gotta... remind them of said rules.

Day 9 - Jan 11 2024 Got some mediocre news in the morning. The paperwork I submitted over a year ago still hadn't been processed, and I'm still the only person on the team lacking those permissions the paperwork is supposed to give me. I can't really do my job as a team lead on my own without those permissions, but there's nothing either of us can do about it. The ball's not in our court. Did a team building event with the team in the form of a group lunch. The distraction was nice. The project manager asked me to submit an overview of the work I did for one of the projects I lead so that he could send that to the customer of a particular project, even though all that information is on that project's Trello. It's late enough in the workday that I'll just make a note of it for tomorrow, but I get how the other leads feel about all this work that isn't our responsibility being passed on to us. I had to start putting some events in motion for the Wednesday campaign, so I started sharing some information of what's to come with select individuals. I also do this with the Saturday campaign for their stuff. Speaking of the Saturday campaign... since they're about to wrap up an arc I need to finish finalizing the next arc. They're free to go to any of the other regions, but the only one that makes any logical sense is the Republic. So for that I'll need...

Day 10 - Jan 12 2024 I made sure to let the project lead know that there's some merge requests for the Develop branch. We'll need to lock down the code so that we're not introducing potentially new issues in the stuff that's being demo'd today. The project lead was having some issues getting one of the branches to work on his machine, so after verifying that it worked on mine he just recloned the project and got it to work for him after doing that. I also took care of the overview I put off yesterday while he was getting set up for the demo. After demo, the team played some Jackbox. The team's small enough that everyone gets to play. I didn't win, but I'm just here to have a good time. After work I reached out to an acquaintance about a design for the Saturday campaign. I'm lucky and thankful that I know a bunch of different artists. This particular artist designed some eldritch horror concepts for a different campaign that I'm in, and since I'll be needing one soon they were the perfect pick. We brainstormed some ideas and they got to work, but it was only after they had gone to bed that I came up with an even better idea, and for that, they'll need my notes... I'll make sure to compensate them for their efforts. Treat your artists well, and they'll treat you well in return. Kind of applies to all relationships in life, really. I don't know why some people struggle with that philosophy, but it is what is it.

Day 11 - Jan 13 2024 Oh hey the weekend. Unfortunately there's one hellova cold snap hitting the region and other places so whatever plans I had of going out is... just not gonna happen. I'm just gonna buckle down and stay warm. The wife finally got Monster Hunter World working again on her computer, so we hunted some monsters. My file of Monster Hunter World that we have on the Playstation 4 is much further than where I'm at on PC, but we can't skip cutscenes so it was a bit of a slog getting through more of story. On the Playstation I think I left off around the Alatreon encounter (big dragon fight right before the final big dragon fight), but on the PC version I still hadn't made it to the Elder's Recess (one of the later zones of baseline story). The wife and I are both seasoned veteran hunters so the fights were pretty easy. It was just... the unskippable cutscenes. And before I get any flak for skipping cutscenes, I just wanna say that I've already seen all the cutscenes on the Playstation version. Also, when the fights take less time than the cutscene itself (and you gotta watch the cutscene before other hunters can join you on the fight), there's an issue. Maybe that's just me. I enjoyed Tri, 3U, 4U, and Generations from the old gen, and Rise from the new gen. Maybe it's just the story pacing from World that's making it unenjoyable to sit through a second time. Hopefully Monster Hunter Wilds has a good story (not that Monster Hunter is winning in the story category anytime soon), or at least an option to skip certain cutscenes. Aside from Mon Hun, I sent over my notes to the artist and wrapped up Year 1 of Coral Island. The artist liked what they were seeing in the notes so I've got high hopes they'll design something exceptional. I was also asked by a different artist to conceptualize my character's late wife in a different campaign, and they did an amazing job drawing her.

Rest Day - Jan 14 2024 It took a bit of effort to motivate myself to write this new update for the 100ish Days of Productivity. It definitely ties back to that disconnect I briefly wrote about earlier in the week. I need to get better about it. Otherwise it defeats the entire purpose of this journey of self-improvement. It's still really cold out (yesterday it was in the negatives, today wasn't much better). Bundled up and played some Final Fantasy 14. There's a new patch for the game coming up, so I wanted to spend some time and deal with some of the Challenge Log items, which are basically weekly goals that earn you some extra coin for completing a certain number of them. It was also a good time to decorate the inside of the medium house I won back in December. While I wasn't able to decorate the entirety of it, I did make some good progress on the upper and main levels. I've got vendors set up inside the house that have housing items I can buy, and what I can't buy from them I go out and gather myself. I think I've got some great lighting on the upper floor, but I'll need to add more light sources to the main floor. It's too dark on the eastern side pretty much any time it isn't between the in-game hours of 6am - 12pm. Same thing with the western side but anytime that isn't between 12pm - 6pm. I wonder if the ceiling light is just no good for how I have the marble walls set up? I have tomorrow off, so I'm hoping I can overcome the disconnect and get some studying done.

[sequoiareachesforthesky]

With Kazui's MV dropping almost three weeks ago, I've been thinking a lot about some personal stuff. (Long rant coming under cut) (it's not even really about MILGRAM)

TW for suicide. And like. Not in the context of MILGRAM.

Back in October 2022, I had made the decision to end my life before March 2023. And from October to March, I held a journal where I would write something, anything, each day. It was a countdown. And one of the first things I wrote in this journal (on D-138) was "Kazui's song probably won't be out before March, it's a real shame". His song was the one I was the most hyped for when the T2 songs preview came out.

Things happened, I went to the psych ward for a while, and in the end I got to be alive on July 26th for the release of "cat". What I felt looking at my computer screen waiting for the premiere to start was undescribable. It's at this moment that it truly hit me that I was still alive. I got to listen to this music. I got to see the continuation of a project I love with all my heart. And I will be alive to see its ending.

During trial 2, there's obviously been a lot of talk about suicide (Haruka, Mahiru, Kazui). And since it's a topic I've been very much aware of in the past months, it hits close to home :

• When Haruka's VD came out, I was in the same position as him : preparing my own death. I hadn't chosen a date yet but I was already thinking about ending it all. His VD just made the suicidal thoughts louder. The possibility more real. It felt like it was worth considering.

• Then Mu's VD came out and by supporting Haruka's promise, she validated my own feelings. "She's right", I thought, "it's my choice and my choice only, so people have no business trying to stop me. Plus I've made a promise to myself. I shall keep it." Of course there are so many voices online and offline saying the contrary, begging suicidal people to reconsider, to seek help. But I wouldn't hear them anymore, I'd cling onto any sort of validation of my feelings. Finally someone understood me. And even if they're not real, their lines have been written by real people. It means that someone out there is trying to understand my point of view. In a way, even though it pushed me further towards death, it was the first glimmer of hope: maybe if I opened up someone would understand and help me in a way that actually works for me.

• Shidou's MV came out while I was in the psych ward. While I was slowly starting to recover. While I was considering living as an option again. Just like him huh. How appropriate. Yeah, maybe there were new people in my life worth living for, people I wanted to see happy. The other patients. Not my patients, unlike Shidou, but still. People who are hurting and that I want to see heal.

I'm going to skip over the rest, but you get the idea : MILGRAM accompanied me through one of the most, let's say, emotionally charged parts of my life. And that may be why I feel so strongly about the characters of this project : I see them, and I want them to get better.

I wish MILGRAM was a psych ward instead of a prison. These "prisoners" don't need to be judge, just like being judged for my decision was the last thing I needed. No. What I needed, what they need, is care. They don't need to be interrogated, they need to be listened to. They don't need to be restrained, they need to be in a safe environment, so that won't endanger themselves or others. They don't need to be punished for the way they've lived up until now, they need to learn how to live going forward. Just like we all do.

They're not murderers. They are people who committed murder. That's not the same.

They're human. At least they're very much human to me. If only human beings helped each others. So that people can find ways to live happily without hurting others.

We don't need more prisons, we need more public service. We need solidarity. Mutual aid.

(you thought this post was about MILGRAM, but it was actually socialist propaganda hahaha I tricked you)

[genesisgijinka]

hello! i've been reading genesis for...oh god, since 2017-2018, i think. and it's been a blast, i love the series a lot! it's a really unique storyline with one of my favorite characters (mewtwo, beloved) and your art is fantastic! i was wondering how much of the storyline you have planned out/had planned out, and how much of it has changed over time? and how far along we are in the storyline/how much is left before the end. i hope you have a good day!

Oh wow, you've been around for a while lol Hi friend!

I'll be honest, Genesis had the most bare bones of starts. I created the characters for what I thought was going to be a one-off costume month long challenge, with some other old ocs to fill out the roster. I had zero plan to create a story with these new characters, since I was brand new to the idea of having a story based off of pokemon game play. I've always been a first and foremost Zelda fan and was actually slowly picking at my own Zelda story at the time but I couldn't quite get the story to go the way I wanted and I was determined to draw that comic first.

And then I drew this:

This is the first time I drew Prime, and a younger M2-K, I think. One of the very few things I drew before I launched into starting Genesis. Y'all might recognize this scene from the first few pages of chapter 2 lol. I was riding off of that high of finishing my first long-term project and now I had somewhere where I could start. So three months after that October challenge, I decided screw it, I'll just draw this pokemon comic as a practice, be done in like 2-3 years, then work on Zelda again. And then lol here we are almost 7 years later.

Read more bc it accidentally kinda got long :'D

A lot of my planning has gone like this; I draw a thing, and then work it into the story somewhere like threading pearls on a string, then I add more beads in between the pearls as I go.

So Genesis has points that I know I'm going to hit (the ending has probably the thoroughly written script of all of Genesis and I'm quite happy with it) but a lot of it is in a fuzzy grey area of I only kinda know what's going to happen next, I just need to write how to get there. It keeps me engaged with the story and the few drawings I have as story concepts are the juicy carrots I dangle in front of myself to keep the motivation going even if I'm going through an art rut or if work has been particularly draining.

As for things that have changed? Alcina didn't exist in the beginning. I sketched up a gardevoir gijinka in my sketchbook bc I needed K to talk to someone. And then she stuck around. Heph wasn't originally planned either, and he actually replaced this guy:

left to right: M2-K, Talil the heliolisk, and Jean-Luc (mega'd)

Talil was originally going to be the one to fix K's prosthetics, but that's all I really had him around for, and he eventually got scrapped. Which is a real shame, because heliolisk is one of my favorite Kalos mons. I did later use the concept of shorting out K's prosthetics when he fought a luxray in chapter 1.

I can't remember when V came into being, but I think it was sometime after Genesis had started, but well before she was introduced. She was originally supposed to be that one mewtwo from the Genesect movie (and that's where the V in M2-V originated from, M2-K was originally short for Mewtwo-Kalos. And then I made it worse by going alphabetically :) )

As for how much longer are we going to have? We've definitely passed the halfway point. But since I've had a revelation and added [REDACTED] in to the story, chapter 3 got longer unexpectedly and is gonna be split into a surprise fourth chapter. And then an epilogue, but //handwaves that's farther down the line.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 26 - German virus transmission experiment.

K: This is Dir en grey's Kaoru, with this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

T: Kaoru san?

K: Hm?

T: I thought we could invite a guest today.

K: Ahhh?

T: So, should we call him?

J: Who is it?

T: Who do you think it is? Someone with a connection to this show.

K: One of those two..

J: Yeh, one of them.

T: Here you are..*hands phone over*

Caller: Hello

J: Hello.Who is it?

Caller: Its Dobashi.

K: Is it Bishbash san?

J: Bishbash Dobashi san.

Caller/Dobashi: The people watching this on Youtube will be a bit afraid, thinking 'Who is this guy??'

J: No, the core fans will know you.

D: Will they? Am I ok?

J: We've heard from Tasai san that you've moved up in the world at Tokyo Sports?

D: No way, Im just in the middle management.

K: No, no, no, only someone important could say that.

J: He's superior, thats right. Its always that pattern, right?

D: I can't really come to see you anymore, Im sorry about that.

J: Where are you going out for entertainment?

K, D: Haha

J: You're pretending to be busy, according to Tasai san, you are making full use of company funds to have fun.

D: What are you talking about?? During the corona crisis I've been stuck at home all the time.

K: Even though the Olympics won't happen, you've been using the Olympics as an excuse to run around all over Japan.

J: Yeh yeh yeh yeh.

D: Well, because its been postponed, right?

J: You don't need to hurry if its been postponed though, do you? As the Olympics reporter?

K: He's pretty stuck now.

D: Since the Olympics have been postponed, I've kinda been distanced from that role though.

J: Oh really?

T: Oh, I see.

J: Eh? Whats your job now? What are you covering now?

D: What am I covering?

J: You don't know? haha.

K: Well, no, he's become more senior...

J: Oh, yeah.

K: So maybe he won't be sent out places and stuff.

D: If I'm forced to say it, I'm probably the spiritual reporter.

K: Ehh?

T: Oh, yeah.

D: From psychics to fortunes, haha.

T: The whole of Tokyo Sports' spiritual corner is done by one person.

K: Like..give us some stories! haha.

D: I'll bring the fortune teller and psychic who Tokyo Sports recommends to see you some time.

J: Really?

D: We'll get Kaoru's fortune read.

J: Oh, lets do it!

K: Sounds good, haha.

D:  And Joe san's.

J: Oh yes, yes please!

T: I bet Joe is probably possessed by lots of girl's spirits.

J: No, I wanna know my fortune, about whether or not I'll be able to get re-married by age 55.

T: Ahh.

D: Really?

Kami: Thats impossible.

J: Impossible? Kami!

K: He appeared all of a sudden.

D: Ohh, yeah. I see.

J: Couldn't you hear Kami's voice? No?

D: Ah, Kami?

Kami: Kami heeere!

K: Kami's voice..

T: He's here.

Kami: Its Kami heere!

T: He's saying, 'Kami's heere'

Kami: Kami heeere.

K: I don't think he can hear.

J: Yeah, he can't hear. One system can't hear the other.

D: I can't hear.

T: Kami was saying in a very affable voice, 'Kami heere!'

D: Hahaha. Well, hi.

K: Hahaha

Kami: Hello.

K: Its been a while since back then, right?

J: Yep.

T: *To Dobashi* Thank you very much.

D: Yes, thank you so much!

T, J: Sorry to disturb you. *End phone call*

J: Ahh, its been a while since we spoke to Bishbash Dobashi san.

K: He seemed a bit troubled, right?

J: He did. It might be because it was difficult to communicate. But if he brings that fortune teller sometime on this show, that will be fun.

T: Will that be ok?

J: Yeah, I really wanna see it! How about you, Kaoru? Do you?

K: Yes

J: Lets do it together.

T: It is incredible. That guy seems to get it right. Its kinda scary. Dobashi saw him once, and he said he purified him.

J:Eh??

K: Oh really?

J: Was Dobashi possessed by something?

T: Well, at that time, he was going through a lot of trouble in his life, but after that..

J: Everything got better? He improved?

T: Yes, eventually.

J: Oh, lets get this guy to do us.

T: Hiranabe was also seen by him.

J: Ehh?

T: After that Hiranabe got promoted to Director.

J: Director, right?

K: Let's have today's news please Joe.

J: Yes, I'll get it started. Well, for us who are looking forward to live shows, this is some big news towards possibly re-starting them. 'Looking for 4200 test volunteers' - An experiment in virus transmission in Germany.

A group of German scientists are currently planning the project 'Re-Start 19' to find out how Covid-19 spreads in stadium environments. They aim to gather quantitative data to find out how best to restart concerts, as the current outlook for the music word doesn't look favourable. As for the project, they plan to carry it out in Leipzig Stadium, and are looking for 4200 volunteers between the ages of 18 and 50. After getting all 4200 volunteers into the statdium, a singer will perform, and they will test things like how far saliva sprays out etc. All participants must test negative for the virus two days before the experiment, and once in the venue, they must wear masks and use hand alcohol. The alcohol will contain a fluorescent substance to make it possible to see the areas where people often touch, and a smoke machine will be used to specify the spread of the virus through the air.  So, this will take place on the 22nd of August, and the researchers will announce the results before October. While some reduced scale contcerts are beginning to restart, there are high hopes that this study will produce effective data.There arent any big experiments happening like this in Japan, are they?

K: Well, yeh, because you have to use actual people in the experiment

J: Yeh

K: They'd want them to catch the disease, right?

J: Well, they are trying to see where people touch, or how far saliva sprays and stuff, so they are trying to create a simulation, using these nearly 5000 people.

T: It does come with a risk.

J: If there is an infected person there, it is possible that an outbreak might occur, but if you just make armchair guesses like, 'Oh maybe its this, maybe its that', and put on live shows with incomplete counter-measures....But if you do it properly like this, and find out how exactly an outbreak spreads in this kind if group situation, you can use that data and take appropriate counter-measures. Not emotional counter-measures, but doing it properly and  thoroughly. You could say its a very German approach. What do you think, Kaoru?

K: Hmm, yeah. Well, they are looking for people to take part, right?

J: Yeah, I wonder how that will go. It says they are currently appealing for people.

T: Volunteers, right?

J: Yeah.

K: And they must test negative two days before the experiment, but that means on the day of the experiment, there could be people who've caught it within two days.

J: Yeah, there could be. It is certainly not a zero risk situation.

K: They are recruiting people with the warning that there is a risk of becoming infected, right?

J: Well, probably, yeah.

K: If 4200 people gather in one place?

J: Yeh. They are tested two days previously, but on the day, there must be...Well, they will probable test peoples' temperatures as they arrive. But there is the possibility it gets missed. I mean, to the German people, it might be less of a case of whether thats good or bad, and more of a conclusion that its more dangerous to go ahead without gathering the proper data first. If they tried to do this experiment in Japan, it would get quite a lot of criticism, I think.

K, T: Definitely.

J: I don't know quite why that is. Maybe in Germany they have a different relationship with music, or maybe if they say, 'Lets get going!', they have to make sure they do this kind of thing first. Well, I don't know whether they'll actually be able to gather 4200 people, but they'll probably get close. They'll be forgiven for the experiment.

K: Who is funding this? The state?

J: Well, its a group of scientists, I don't know as far as whether the state will fund it, but it seems like the main focus is on these scientists. So if there was no scientific rationale for this type if live performance to go ahead..

K: Nothing will happen, right?

J: Right. Rather than having some emotionally  charged reason, like 'Now is the right time!' or , 'This is the best way!' or something, if you could set a kinda of standard using the results if this experiment, you could have some kind of criteria. Its gives a sense of security to both the performers, and the audience.

T: Tim Bendzko san

J: Bendzko san..what type of artist it he?

T: Well he's a pop singer. The conditions of the participants are, like you said Joe, testing the effects of socially distanced seating, or not.*1

Y: Yeh, yeh.

Kami: Umm...

J: Yes?

Kami: Even if they release the results to show how covid spreads or doesn't spread, in the end, if people are scared of covid they won't gather at these kind of places, but people who think covid is no big deal will gather, right?

J: Well, at first, yeah. Some people on the viewing side may be worried or scared, and end up not going.

Kami: For people who are worried about getting infected, even if there is just a small risk, they probably won't go, will they? They might go if you tell them, 'We know the transmission routes, and we have proof that you definitely won't be infected', but if you say, 'We mostly understand it, and you probably won't be infected', some people probably won't go, they will be afraid if getting sick. So even if you put a lot of effort in, and announce the results, will it be enough?

K: Well, I reckon this kind of thing will steadily keep improving.

J: Rather than happening all at once...

K: Yeah, not like that, they'll just have to keep trying to weaken peoples' fears bit by bit. But rather than doing nothing, I think this experiment will help towards moving forward a little.

J: Well, whatever you deal with, its never all or nothing. Within this process, if some people or scenes can be saved, it'll be one more thing to be relieved about. I think this problem relating to covid and live shows won't be quickly solved, even if we get a vaccine. But doing this one thing, Im repeating what you said Kaoru, but it will be important as a pointer in the direction of relief.

K: Yeah, but not only for live shows, I also want them to do it for daily life, like in the train and stuff. If we don't, then we won't be able to do anything.

T: If its made more visible, people would feel calmer about it. Like, if you know where the danger is, you won't go there, right? Avoid the pit holes.

J: Yes, thats right. Seeing those facts... well, isn't this experiment predicated to cost 100 million yen, right? I don't know if that will be funded by the government, or whether the researchers themselves will gather the money, but the very fact that there are scientists working to restart live shows, must be a source of hope for German artists. Well, so for the time being in Germany, they are appealing for healthy volunteers age 18 to 50 to take part in this experiment on transmission at live shows.

K: It will happen quite soon, right? On the 22nd? Just a little bit after this is broadcast? A few weeks after?

J: Yeah. And then the results will be announced in October, so around that time, we could talk about the results here.

T: Its data that a lot of people in the Japanese music business will want to know.

J: I think so.

K: Ok, well, let's end here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1 Couldn't clearly hear what Tasai said, but this is what the experiment conditions were.

[x-exo]

*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!

Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol

Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!

Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!

Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)

Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!

hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈

indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!

our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further

onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.

as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!

I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!

p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy 

[twilightvolt]

Well....that was one way to start a new decade, i guess. >  >’

Ok, from the death and destruction to the quarantine caused by viral disease to large parts of the world literally going up in flames, this year was like an ominous beginning that revealed the true ugly colors of everyone around us.

But there’s something telling me that that was just the universe releasing all of it’s built up rage from the last decade, so to think on the bright side, the only way to go is up now, right?

Regardless, pushing all the crap that happened this year aside, this feels like one of my best years yet in terms of art. i don’t think there’s any wedge of this clock that i wasn’t completely satisfied with and i had a TON of tough decisions on what to put in said wedges cuz i just luved almost everything i’ve created this year.

If you’re up to it, i’ll have my usual month to month reflection under the cutoff, but if you’re not, i hope to keep giving y’all even better art next year! ^  ^

So without further ado, let’s review!

January: ~ Days ~

Runner up: Team Solar Rises Again! (drawing in celebration of PMD finally returning with a remake of the first game)

Kicking off right where 2019 left off, i was hot on the heels of my Beastars phase, still cranking out countless drawings and doodles, mostly featuring Legoshi, and even hanging around the Beastars Amino and making some new friends there. this piece in particular i think encapsulates what i was mostly doing at the time, making up stories and stuff within canon to give myself more wolf boi content. which is something that i rarely do normally since i’ve mostly just done OC related writing before this.

February: - Sk8ter Wolf -

Runner up: Re:Hukaro (That thing i drew for Moon)

Ahh yes, the day i peaked with punk rock energy and created something in a highschool notebook sketch style. ngl, with the release of Beastars’ english dub on the way and the fandom quickly growing, i felt like i was on fire with the amount of stuff i was drawing. i felt so inspired and things can’t possibly go bad.

Or can it?

March: We Can Be Heroes

Runner up: One More Day, Emo Bird Boi Sketchies

Ahh yes, the month the worldwide quarantine started because they discovered the virus around this time. from this point onward, time pretty much meant absolutely nothing since i was stuck indoors for a majority of the year, only going out if i had to. on top of that, i tried a little attempt at a fandub and got picked on immediately by yahoos on Youtube. it...wasn’t fun.

I tried doing a little challenge i made up called Animarch where i drew a drawing representing anime i liked every day, but i only got about 5 days in i think? ehh, whatever. i did try, so that means something. lol

April: - ANOTHER SIDE -

Runner up: BEAST CROSSING ~Legoshi & Raymond

This was pretty much the final month i drew anything Beastars related as i slowly started shifting back to Pokemon due to the wait for season 2. but not before getting the new Animal Crossing and drawing a thing with Raymond and Legoshi that would blow up with hundreds of notes and interactions across every platform i posted it on. lmao

Regardless, i feel like Another Side was a perfect way to end that phase of my art journey. it’s like a nice finale to a long string of ideas that i will totally return to once season 2 drops next year.

May: - KOUJI -

Runner up: Fashion (that sketch of Alex and Jet in casual clothing)

What happened this month again? oh right, i went back to Digimon for a hot minute cuz i continued playing the copy of Cyber Sleuth Complete that i won from a giveaway on Twitter and created Alex and Jet, my latest Tamer and her Hawkmon partner. i should really do some more stuff with them.

ANYWAY,

June: - DOUBLE TROUBLE -

Runner up: “No Time to Waste! HENSHIN!” (AF attack against IonicIsaac on Twitter), Cafe Mix ~Ace, Yagami, Lance and Seliph

Art Fight. third year. and this time i kicked things up a notch and beat my old record from last year!...after uhh....cramming in 8 attacks at the very last night and totally going insane from the amount of sleep i lost. ^  ^’

But trust me when i say i will NOT do that again next year, i swear.

July: Squad Up

Runner up: Comin’ Out to Stun (Jet the Hawk sketches)

So after playing and beating PMDX, i started fleshing out Lance and Selpih’s characters and made more art and stories surrounding them and the rest of the team. one of those being a drawing for Mystery Dungeon Day, which happens the day after Odaiba Day. which is in August. why did i put this down for July then? some questions just don’t need to be answered.

August: - TOGETHER -

Runner up: In the Storm

You can tell by now just how uneventful life was this year cuz i have literally nothing else to talk about other than the art parts. no life issues, no big adventures like moving or something. just....indoor stuff.

It’s...kinda sad, now that i think about it. but hey, at least i was making the most of my time, trying new things and getting around a bit more.

September: Small World

Runner up: Rescue Together, PMD Forever!, Midnight Adventuring, Down Time

So this year, i turned 21, which a lotta people say is important. not really, if you can’t do much i guess. though, i did crank out a ton of art i’m super satisfied with as you can see by how hard it was to frickin’ pick one to use for this month’s wedge on the clock.

October: Feathers of the Shadows

Runner up: PAPERMOON - Final Mix - (not picked because it’s a touch up of an older drawing)

Hoo boi, this month was crazy. cuz i drew a whole lotta e d g e .....and a whole lotta Murkrow. lol

It was fun letting my inner edgelord out this month. even if nothing really significant happened in reality.

November: ~ One More Game ~

Runner up: UPokerap Project: Frogadier, - LEAF STORM -

This month....was actually kinda rough. it was basically me falling into a depressive episode after a scare at the dentist made me worry about my self image and insecurities again. but this time it really hit me just how much permanent damage i’ve done to myself in that aspect of my appearance. i know i shouldn’t worry so much, but it’s not great when people tell you to smile when the most i can do is grin since i’m just so....unhappy with my teeth.

But then around the end of the month, i stumbled upon a Pokemon themed Discord server with people that made me feel....not as alone as i suddenly felt i was. which i’m glad i could meet them even after only knowing them for a month now. if they’re reading this, i hope you know i’m thankful for raising my spirits when there’s still things i just can’t do due to financial issues.

December: Colors of the Heart  + Happy Holidays! ~Grovyle ver.

Runner up: ~ After the Battle ~ (the two part KHII anniversary drawing), - XIII -, Sketchmon: Buizel

And now this month. on top of my insecurities, i’ve now been struggling with my frustration with not being noticed as much as i should, watching as some people quickly climb up in following when i’m going much slower. honestly, i feel like the months when everything started lightening up for the world....was when things started falling apart for me. yeah, i know. pretty depressing way to end, huh? i hit 300 before the year ended thanks to the support from my new friends though, so i’m actually pretty happy.

But that doesn’t mean i’m not still scared of the future. i mean i have my teeth to worry about and also my wisdom teeth are coming in. so next few months...might be kinda rough.

Though, that’s not to say i didn’t soldier through it. this month i pushed myself, plowed through as many commissions as i could get to raise money for my new computer and made some of the best drawings that to me, feel like a great accomplishment. even if a couple of them weren’t as grandiose as some of my previous work. it was a big step forward for me as an artist. at least in my eyes.

And i have a feeling....that it can only get better from here.

[dehydratedpool]

hi!! so i saw a couple other writers on here do this (the one i remember is @soldouthaz lol hi) and i thought it would be fun to do even tho i didn’t get tagged [aka, i do what i want >:)] ((also ps sorry this is late))

2020 was an incredibly rough year for me, which made writing/creating even harder. soooo here’s my self evaluation on the dreadful year lol;

1. number of stories posted in 2020: 5

2. total word count: 133,496 wOaH

3. list of works published:

hath made thee a sinner

there’s blood on my tongue

my beastly (currently on hold, going through a rewrite/re-plan lol)

i’m so tired

warm

4. work you are most proud of (and why):

i would have to say “hath made thee a sinner”. it took me FOREVER to write, mostly because 1) i wanted to get my own coming out story right, i wanted to share my experience in a way that also made it a good read, and 2) i was writing about three sensitive topics; Christianity, physical violence and coming out of the closet, and i wanted to be sure i didn’t get those things wrong. louis and harry’s coming out in the fic slightly relates to my own, but i wanted it to be relatable to others who’ve gone through the same thing. ((fun fact: the speech harry makes is 90% copied from my own coming out post on Facebook LMFAO))

5. work you are least proud of (and why):

it’s not that i hate “my beastly”, i just wish i started it’s execution better. it’s been an idea of mine for several years, one i started writing on wattpad and then abandoned for whatever reason. i have yet to complete it, and i wanna go back and re-write the entire thing, focus more on character development and world building (which i feel are lacking severely in my beastly). i also want to change the god-awful name that 15 year old me thought was a good idea.

6. a favorite excerpt of your writing:

i have a lot of favorites, but this snippet from “there’s blood on my tongue” was a fun little bit to write. it was kind of comic relief during an uncomfortable scene/chapter:

A loud bang on the door awakened Louis from his thoughts. He watched as Ralph walked over to the door, “Probably my Roger Taylor lookalike of a landlord demanding I pay rent a day early.”

When he opened the door, none other than Lindsey Allen barged through the barely filled apartment, her eyes red, “You!”

Louis swallowed, “Hi?”

“Don’t “hi” me, you little shit,” Lindsey growled, “How the fuck are you so relaxed, so calm right now?”

“How did you find my apartment?” Ralph questioned as Lindsey vibrated with anger.

7. share or describe a fave comment you received:

this comment from “there’s blood on my tongue” SENT ME. i don’t get comments often so when i do it’s always so exciting and i love reading and replying to everyone. honestly, every comment i get always warms my heart, they’re all my favorites, but this one definitely made my day when i saw it ♡

8. a time when writing was really, really hard:

tw // sexual assault, mental illness, PTSD

like i mentioned earlier, this year was a rough one. i got sexually assaulted on a tinder date in january 2020 (i was struggling with accepting that i’m a lesbian and decided to go out with a guy who i thought was nice), and in october 2020 i was coerced into sex with a guy who was trying to turn me straight. so ... those two things were like the cherry on top of an already shitty year.

after the january incident, i admitted myself into a psychiatric hospital after not having been back for 7 years. i was diagnosed with PTSD (along with my other issues i was already aware of lol) and it’s definitely caused a bump in my life.

to answer the question, writing the smut in “there’s blood on my tongue” and “i’m so tired” was incredibly difficult for me. i would get flashbacks while writing a scene, have panic attacks, and delete and rewrite in a vicious cycle until i wrote the bare minimum requirements of smut without hurting myself too badly, haha. i’ve never had an issue with writing smut until now, and i’ve been working on getting better at it and becoming comfortable with the idea of sex/smut again.

9. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

i cant say that anything i wrote surprised me, and to be honest, i’m a little disappointed about that. i write what i’m comfortable with, what i know i’m good at, and i would like to explore different tropes and au’s this new year. i wanna get out of my comfort zone and take risks in my writing in 2021

10. how you grew as a writer:

i’ve definitely grown in how i write romantic relationships/smut. when i’m not writing fanfiction, i’m writing historical fiction that doesn’t involve romance. i’m not perfect at it yet, but i’m getting there !!

11. how do you hope to grow this year?

as mentioned in previous answers, i’d like to get more comfortable with writing smut. it’s not that i don’t want to write smut and i’m forcing myself to and thus causing unnecessary pain to myself; it’s as if doing so is helping me heal from my trauma— and it’s FUN to write !

12. who was your greatest positive influence as a writer?

i would have to say anyone who ever read and commented and gave kudos to any of my work ♡ comments and love keep me going and make me excited to share more with the fandom :D

13. did anything from real life show up in your writing?

absolutely! i think that tends to happen whether you intentionally mean to or not. “hath made thee a sinner” was my coming out story with a dash of fiction, i wrote the beginning scenes of “warm” (the descriptions of the night time) based on my time in NYC, and so many other tiny little things. it’s actually kind of fun to add those little easter eggs that no one but myself will get haha

14. any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

PLAN. YOUR. STORY. making plot points has helped me immensely as a writer. i used to free write everything but it made me overwhelmed after a while and i would abandon the wip. by planning out your story, it helps things go smoothly, and it’ll be easier to catch any plot holes you may have. it doesn’t have to be heavily detailed; in fact, i don’t like to add too much detail in mine since i usually think of little things to add as i’m writing ! whether you’re an experienced writer or new to it, planning things out is essential, in my opinion.

15. projects you’re looking for to this year:

i really really really wanna be apart of the BLFF this year! i cant think of other projects that happen throughout the year at the moment, but i wanna join as many as i can !!

————

thank you for reading this, this was a fun way to pass time at work lol. i’m supposed to tag other writers but idk if i really have any writer friends here so just do it if you wanna and tag me so i can read yours !! ♡

[wolfwhiteflowers]

TWD ending news; thoughts and speculations

 Caryl 📺  💖  Richonne 📽

TWD is ending soon!  -not quite.

Here’s my thoughts on it. the lows and highs. Anyways so yeah 9/9/20 was a crazy TWD news day.(and other tv news too, wtf tv gods. Yeah ..been a crazy tv week.) wtf, why that day? and I guess it’s like an unofficial Caryl day, huh? lol So it’s overwhelming. I wanna write it all out and my feels.    ok I guess I’m not that super excited or invested to it than others..idk I guess the excitement will hit me later or gradual. :P ok...idk I don’t wanna speculate too much. We don’t know much on it still.

So .... they’re/AMC saying TWD show (Rick’s/Grimes show) will end in a super sized s11. TWD finally got an ending plan! lol this show/franchise. I don’t mind that it’s ending or whatever, I mainly want a good story...a good written ending. But it’s all based on how if I still enjoy this show/franchise.. ok. Plus there’s a Caryl spin-off show and anthology spin-off show later on. +movie.

It’s a long post and I kinda mapped it out.

So in a *timeline*, in October it’s the s10 ep 16 “finale” episode. Recently, we’re also getting s10C (coronavirus pandemic bonus episodes) - six episodes I think, in Spring ‘21 (filming in October ‘20). They’re like inbetween episodes to s11. Idk what they’re like. standalone episodes?  And then they’re gonna do the series’s final season, s11, with 24 (12+12)episodes. Idk when it starts.  They film next summer, i guess, and show it in the Fall ’21 and Spring ‘22. Then it’s the spin-off shows, and Caryl..but I wanna focus more on Caryl spin-off show. That will be I guess in ‘23.  ...And a movie(s) :D but everyone’s doubtful and clueless of it but I think it will be filmed next year, ‘21. (and there’s TWD:WB and FTWD soon)

Ok yeah so ldksjfaljdflsj they say it’s sad news that TWD ending but like lol it doesn’t seem like it..from a Caryler I guess, +movie. So, I have theories and I’m like not so sure what’s really gonna happen. I need more info and well we never know what the writers or the future gonna do. Yeah first of all, these plans~~~, and yet we’re in the pandemic and dumb governing on these things. So I’m gonna guess these plans are gonna change or slow down. You never know. Ok.

 I’m also like surprised that there’s gonna be a Caryl spinoff show. (it’s like if they made a Daryl spin-off show. Or any spin-off show..) I mean I didn’t think MMB and NR were still wanting to keep working on TWD/AMC. I thought like any actor..would want to do new things...Ok but they wanna keep working on AMC. NR -I’m not surprised cos he’s like a busy bee..um idk but yeah. Instead of Daryl show it’s now Caryl show from what I suspected-ish. And from the news they sound like it’s a shippy thing. It was also planned since 2018 I think..and “let’s go to New Mexico.” They knew long ago. So, I speculated awhile ago, when we learned that MMB and NR have contracts ending till s12. It’s like we all kinda suspected right that TWD will end in s12 except in episode # count. S10C + s11 (24 episdoes/+8 exra). They combined it earlier. Why earlier Idk...the pandemic? Or Gimple’s plan in franchise timeline? 

So yeah that Caryl spin-off show! Like I hope it means that Caryl are romantic and endgame on this.👀 The more I read on this and thought about it. I don’t want to like get my hopes up too high or whatever. I don’t really trust writers.. eh ...it all depends on the story every time. I also think of the fandom/carylers on how they react to a canon-Caryl or even how the writers will show canon-Caryl. Because writers..like usually writers don’t write canon couples romance well. It’s usually love triangle, reunite a bunch of times, or breakup/makeup a lot. eh. I just hope they make Caryl story good and interesting. Another thing Caryl ship had always been like a subtle ship and angsty. We get bits and bits to keep going ..so a full attention of Caryl or canon-Caryl will be different. I hope it all goes well. :3 It’s all reminds me of Mindy Project show ..there’s always sides in the fandom. Some won’t like it, some will but it’s always about the main couple. Oh, my thoughts of Caryl show is that it will be like Bones, SPN, FTWD, or BeIIarke -_- lol , or something. 

 So from what I read when they already want to keep going with the spin-off show back in ‘18, the Caryl spin-off show will actually cost less than the TWD main show. It’s interesting. It’s all contracts, deals, Netflix, $ stuff. The show might not be international and on netflix, Idk. You know the ratings aren’t that great and most fans left,..but I guess they can still make the Caryl spin-off show. (a season or more idk) I was thinking it might be a Caryl-only show with different cast and set ...or the Caryl spin-off show might actually be just like TWD main show-s10 but different deals $ etc, and they can do whatever. 

Oh, that it’s a spin-off then, and not now in s10 and s11, because the TWD main show will be done adapting the comic book storyline..(instead of thinking of the MMB and NR’s contracts). Yeah one of the theories.. like really Idk why we have Caryl spin-off show when s10 and s11 is pretty much already a Caryl show..with Maggie. But I guess it’s all due with contracts and stuff. And I guess it works timely with the comic storyline. Though the comic storyline parallel/adapting is so different now.  It’s very broad parallels. I guess it all works out in little ways. contracts, comics, and starting fresh. The Caryl spin-off show, they can really get away from the Grimes/Rick storyline which I like that it’s gonna be really separated by being a different show. (I guess also AMC have more control too.) It’s not on the same main show/s10 and on. Like storywise, I like that TWD show is always about the Grimes and it feels like it will be done right and completed to end it in s11 and that is based on comics/and the Grimes (I hope). If that make sense? Rick/Grimes show,is based on comics, will have an ending...TV-wise. Because there’s the movies too supposedly. Yeah maybe I’m not sad..because there’s the Rick movies thing in the works too. I hope s11 will still be about the connection to the Grimes. Like everyone looking after Judith and RJ and figuring out what to do with finding Richonne and stuff. To set up for the movies. (and TWD WB s2?) Because if not, then ugh then AMC should’ve had the main show ended in s10.  Wow.., the show is not based on the comics like it was before and I really can’t speculate s11 and on. Like I hope the writers got juicy stories to tie in with Rick and Michonne, and Maggie/Commonwealth comic stuff. uhh. So yeah Caryl spin-off show it means they can do whatever and writers/me? don’t have to worry that if it’s not connecting with the Grimes storyline. If AMC/Gimple wants to connect everyone.

And one of my theories or hope is that Caryl looks after Grimes kids ...in s11 and search for Rick/Richonne or help him, in part of the bigger plot of Rick movie story, in the spin-off show. Like Caryl will work on plan that later helps out Rick in the movies later on. Yeah and I just think the Rick movies are more like “TWD movies” where all the characters in the franchise will be part of the story. So yeah Rick reunites with everyone. The end, Happy ending! :3 So there’s many ways Caryl show might be like: same cast from TWD show that AMC controls more/Caryl leads/not based on comics(romantic or not), Caryl-only show, or Caryl kinda in part of the Rick movies story-like helping him in some way. etc. Oh, ..I was also thinking it’s like I guess FTWD .. I was also thinking Morgan and his friends might be also be in part of helping Rick’s plans in the Rick movies too.  (.. if Gimple wants to do that.) I hope Caryl will be romantic..I don’t want a “Caryl spin-off show” when it’s just same cast and Caryl still not together. eh. ..Why call it “Carol and Daryl spin-off show”? So I guess it’s gonna be shippy.

So I think the Rick movies (which so far is still happening and three of ‘em.../if) will be after s11 and after TWD WB s2 - ‘21/22.    idk when FTWD comes.

Oct ‘20 - TWD:WB s1

spring ‘21 -TWD  s10C 

summer ‘21? - TWD: WB s2/ends

fall ‘21 and spring/summer ‘22 (or fall ‘22? lol) - TWD s11 

‘22? *rick movie 1? (...with everyone there?)

‘23 Caryl spin-off show s1

‘23 and on? * rick movie 2? movie 3?

....etc.

So...you get it..like it’s like some big overall storyline Gimple is doing. But plans can change and anything could happen. I may be speculating wrong. Who knows. sigh. I just want Team Family reunited with Rick again and a good ending as best as writers can do. :B  If they can’t make a movie(s) then I hope Gimple find a way to end Rick’s story for fans.

sigh yeah tired of the fandom complaining and assuming/speculating wrong. (like hating on the spin-off show when they don’t know what a spin-off show is.) blah. idk. tired of shippers..generalizing. (I ship both Caryl and Richonne so. sigh go away drama) I’m tired of fans being biased and doubting and singling things out. I feel like we all won. But anyway until more news and facts it is what it is. I wanna wait till when things actually happen or news that say something won’t happen.  Keep waiting and hoping on :] *Caryl on*

[the-last-airbadger]

My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

 The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

 The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

 My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

 Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

 2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 14: For Better Or Worse

(from the Flatmate Trilogy: Two Hearts, One Home)

…in which Harry and Niall have a guys night, Y/N starts showing, and Layla loves her wedding dress.

Word count: 4k

Chapter 13: Prenatal Visit - Y/N and Harry run into her ex at the doctor’s office.

Wattpad link

ANNOUNCEMENT: I have a college project coming up so I will not update next week. The next chapter (the Halloween special) will be posted on Tuesday, October 8. If nothing changes from now until the last chapter, there will be 17 chapters in total. for this last book. Now, enjoy this chapter and leave your comments! - Allie.

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Harry hadn't been this excited since the night before his wedding. He was normally the type of person who would just go with the flow, but ever since his wife got pregnant, he had been counting each day and marking his calendar to keep track of her pregnancy. Today was the first day circled in red on the calendar, and the satisfaction of crossing it off first thing in the morning got him feeling elated.

Today, they would get to see their baby for the first time.

Y/N was already twelve weeks pregnant and started showing. Every night, he would rub her tummy and talk to it even after she had reminded him that their baby hadn't even got ears. He knew that. But the thought of Asteria or Jasper growing inside of her filled him with so much joy. He had to let his baby know how much he loved them.

It was the night before the first scan. While his wife was sleeping right next to him, he stayed up to watch ultrasound videos on YouTube. He didn't expect to get so emotional just from watching someone else's child moving for the first time. That was how he knew, when he finally got to see his own child, he surely wouldn't be able to hold back his tears.

Harry ended up falling asleep while watching those videos, and Y/N woke up to find him snoring softly with his phone on his face. She had to wake him up and drag him out of bed so they wouldn't be late for the scan appointment.

Thank God, it wasn't a busy day in the hospital. The atmosphere in the waiting room was different from the last time they'd been there for her pregnancy test. It was soothing, with perfumed scent air and unhurried nurses moving with a serene purposefulness from room to room. Nevertheless, Harry's mind was racing a mile a minute, and Y/N could feel it when he squeezed her hand.

"Relax, honey. I'm not giving birth right away," she joked, making him chuckle.

"I am relaxed though. What are you talking about?" he told her. But even himself was aware that 'relaxed' was an overstatement. Taking a seat by the examining table, he watched his wife lie down on her back and tilt her head to give him another smile. He gave her one in return to pretend that he was fine, but his knee was popping rapidly like he'd consumed a ton of caffeine before he got there.

The sonographer spread a gel over her tummy and then rolled a small scanning device around the area where the gel was. All three of them turned to the computer screen. As soon as the first images were shown, the shakiness in Harry's limbs immediately vanished. His entire body stiffened as he held his breath, peering at the screen. That was his baby. And they were moving. He had seen too many videos last night, so why was he still in shock?

"Although you won't be feeling your baby move just yet, they're dancing around inside you," said the sonographer.

Y/N had already teared up when she turned to Harry, wanting to see his reaction. But he was just sitting there with his mouth and eyes wide open. He couldn't even move a muscle let alone look away from the screen.

His emotions were like slow effects. It was only until they were sitting in the car in the hospital parking lot, and he was looking at the first photos of their baby, did he begin to cry. He turned to her, smiling tearfully and saying, "this is our baby, Y/N. This is Asteria or Jasper."

Even though Y/N's eyes were just beginning to dry, it didn't take more than a few seconds for her to tear up again. She leaned in, kissing him deeply and pulling away to rub his shoulder, eyes on the photos he was holding.

"Would you mind if I replace your photo in my wallet with this one?" He chuckled slightly and wiped the tears on his cheeks as Y/N tossed her head back and laughed.

"Of course not," she said, beaming. "I would do that, too."

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"So...Is this Ria or Jas?" Niall questioned as he squinted his eyes at the ultrasound photo in his hand. Harry tried to focus on driving, still he kept glancing back and forth between the road and Niall, just to make sure Niall was being careful with the first photo of his baby.

"Are you stupid?" he said. "The baby hasn't got ears yet."

"Oh, right!" Niall snorted as he carefully put the photo back in his best friend's wallet. They were on their way to Niall's brother bachelor party. His brother's wedding and his were only six months apart.

The last time Harry had gone to a bachelor party had been by far the worst experience in his life, and he'd told himself that Niall's would be the last one he would attend in this lifetime. After that, he'd be retired from bachelor parties for good. But then, Niall had to drag Harry to his brother's bachelor party, saying Harry could use this as an example to throw one for him. Harry felt like it was his responsibility as the best man to make the groom happy, so here he was, driving Niall to the party and already wanting to turn his car around and go home.

"So when will you find out the baby's gender?" Niall asked to fill the silence.

"We'll get another ultrasound done between the eighteenth and twenty-second weeks."

"Are you nervous?"

"Yeah but...I'm happy either way."

"No, I mean...Are you nervous that you're going to be a dad? Because I'm already nervous that I might not be 'cool uncle Niall', you know?"

The way Niall blew out his cheeks and shook his head had Harry cackling. "Niall, you'll be a great uncle," he said. "Just...just don't coax my kid into weird stuff and you'll be fine."

"Hey, 99% of the trouble we got into was because of you!"

"Shit, you're right." Now it was Harry who blew out his cheeks in frustration. "But I'm going to be a good and responsible parent," he reassured himself, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "I got this."

"Let's hope so," Niall said as he clasped his hands together. "Aaaaanyway, I think there are strippers there."

"What part of 'a good and responsible parent' didn't you understand?!" Harry exclaimed. "And Layla would kill you."

"I was just saying that—"

"Don't even say that!"

"Okay, okay! Gee!" Niall rubbed his forehead as Harry slowed down and pulled over in front of a club.

"Last chance to change your mind," Harry turned to him, arching an eyebrow and hoping that he'd say no.

It took Niall a few seconds to think before he unbuckled his seatbelt. To Harry's disappointment, he said, "let's do this!"

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Meanwhile, Y/N and Layla were together in Layla's bedroom. The bride-to-be had just got her wedding dress earlier that day, and she'd been wearing it and swaying in front of the mirror for over forty minutes. Even though she had repeatedly said she wasn't nervous about her wedding because she was rich, Y/N knew Layla had never been more nervous about anything else in her life. She was probably as just agitated as Y/N and Harry in the waiting room yesterday.

Y/N had grown up with parents who loved each other. Layla, however, hadn't been so lucky. Those who didn't know her well would envy her because she was not only pretty, but also rich, and engaged to her best friend, who was also rich. Little did they knew, Layla had to struggle every day for validation. Her parents hated each other, and they didn't love her either, or so it seemed. When she told them about her engagement, neither of them had showed any interest, so she didn't even bother to send them the invitations.

Poor Layla had poured her heart and soul into planning such a big wedding with such little help, and she hadn't been fully happy for weeks. But today, after putting on her two-thousand-dollar wedding dress, she was on cloud nine. Y/N wished Layla would remain this happy until long after her wedding day.

"If you continue to dance like that, you'll get sweaty and ruin the dress."

The warning got Layla rooted to the spot, her eyes popped out. "Shit, you're right! I have to take it off! Help me!"

Giggling, Y/N rose from the bed to help her best friend unzip and step out of the dress. Layla had to remind Y/N every five seconds to be careful as they brought the dress to her wardrobe, and each time Y/N had to reassure her again that she knew how to handle a wedding dress because she'd been a bride before.

"Oh, really? Remember what happened to your wedding dress?"

"It wasn't even my fault," Y/N said as she flopped down on the bed, waiting for Layla to put her clothes back on.

Once Layla was done, she took a seat next to Y/N and repeated the obvious, "I just really love it."

"I know. You treat it like your own baby."

"Well, because it is my baby. The whole wedding venue could just burn and crash, but as long as I have that dress, everything is fine," Layla said with a straight face to prove that she was serious. Then, she changed the subject, "speaking of a baby, how's yours?"

Y/N brightened at once. "We got to see them for the first time yesterday!"

"Oh, shit, right!" Layla exclaimed as she held her head. "Fuck, you told me last week and I forgot! Do you have a photo?"

"Here." Y/N beamed and showed Layla the one she kept in her wallet.

"Oh my God, hi baby Ria or baby Jas. Whoever you end up being, aunt Layla will love you anyway," Layla said before glancing up to meet Y/N's eyes. "I've never talked to a womb before, how did I do?"

"You did great." Y/N giggled, giving her a thumb up.

Sighing in relief, Layla handed her back the photo so she could put it away. "So..." she trailed off. "You already got your dress right? When will I get to see it?"

"Um...I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I just...I'll be six-month pregnant at the wedding, so it's a bit loose for me now. I'll show it to you when it's close to the wedding day."

Layla scoffed, shaking her head. "It doesn't matter, just let me see it!"

"No," Y/N said she rose from the bed, checking her watch. "I gotta go home to pick up Treasure now."

Layla grabbed her wrist in an instant. "No, bitch, you're showing me the dress!"

"No!"

"Why?!"

"Because—" Y/N exhaled sharply as she pulled her arm out of Layla's grip. "I don't know...I just...look weird in it."

"Bullshit."

"It's true! I'll probably look so funny standing next to your skinny bridesmaids."

"You're not even fat."

"I will be," she blurted, not knowing why she'd said that aloud.

Y/N would never talk about her weight, even at moments when she was the most insecure. She believed that people wouldn't notice her imperfections if she didn't point them out herself. But ever since she got pregnant, she had changed a lot, physically and mentally, and she was more conscious about how she looked than she had been before.

Her cheeks reddened when Layla chortled. "You're pregnant, Y/N. Of course you'll be gaining a bit of weight. Why's it such a big deal?"

"I just..." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Never mind, it doesn't matter. I-I gotta go home and pick up Treasure."

"I'm coming with you!" Layla shouted and hurried after her to the door. "But...can we stop by the grocery store on the way?"

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The music in the club was as loud as thunder and the laughter ringing in Harry's ears wouldn't seem to stop. He liked the song they were playing, but he hated everything else. The group of men in front of him was cheering and drooling over the two strippers dancing around Niall's brother, who was tied to a chair. Harry loved the man but how on earth could he look so happy? What would his future wife think if she saw this scene? Harry honestly couldn't relate. Shaking his head, he took a sip of the champagne in his glass and leaned back against the bar counter.

The funny thing about this whole experience was that it used to be normal to him. Partying used to be his way of escaping from stress and responsibilities and all that shit. He used to depend on parties like this, on touches of women he didn't know to feel fulfilled. Now here he was, judging these people and wishing he'd been home with his wife. He would rather spend the rest of tonight talking to her womb than checking his watch every two seconds.

As he finished the thought, he turned to his best friend, who had the same look of anxiety on his face. Niall turned to him, frowning as he said, "are you scared? Because I kind of am."

Harry chuckled at the comment. "I've been scared since we got in the car."

"I can't believe we used to enjoy this," Niall said, nodding his head toward his brother, who was literally grinding that stripper. "I think we're getting old."

"We are," Harry agreed, emptied his glass with one go, and slammed it down on the counter. "Niall, you can't have a bachelor party like this."

"I can't have a bachelor party like this," Niall repeated the same words, slowly shaking his head, still watching his brother with anxiety.

The horrified look on his face made Harry laugh. "Your wedding would become your funeral."

"That's not the thing though," Niall said as he turned back to Harry, his eyebrows knitted together. "I'm not afraid of Layla. I just don't want to hurt her and I don't want another woman to touch me."

"I can't relate to not being afraid of Layla but—" Harry paused, looking at the other men and sucking a breath. "You're absolutely right."

"Maybe we could...I don't know? Go shopping or something for the bachelor night?"

The suggestion left Harry poker-faced. "Not having strippers at the party does not equal not having a party at all, Niall."

"You don't get to judge me. We were at a spa on your bachelor night!"

"Fuck, you're right," said Harry with a monotone and an empty stare as he puckered up his lips. Niall was about to make a remark when one of the strippers approached them. At first, Harry thought she was just coming over to get some drinks from the bar, but she stopped right in front of him and leaned in so close that he nearly fell off his chair from leaning back, not wanting to touch her.

"Hey, pretty boys, you want a show?" The brunette had a thick German accent, and her voice was annoyingly piercing. Harry hated it. Still, he politely muttered, "no, thank you."

He didn't how to push her away without having to touch her or appearing as being rude. Fortunately, he didn't have to do anything. She pulled back on her own, setting her hands on her hips and raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I get it," she said, pointing to each of them. "Are you two gay?"

"No, I'm a dad," Harry awkward replied, and he was so confused when a smirk appeared on her face.

"Oh, so you have a daddy kink, huh?"

"He does." Niall cracked up, and Harry smacked him on the arm.

"No, I'm an actual dad," he said, raising his hand and pointing to the ring. "I'm married. Sorry."

The woman burst out laughing as she immediately apologized for making him feel uncomfortable. But then she winked at him and said, "I'll be over there if you change your mind."

Harry and Niall both swallowed as they watched her walk away, swaying her broad hips seductively. Then, as if they could read each other's mind, they turned to each other and spoke at the same time, "let's get out of here."

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Y/N was deeply concerned.

She'd had a bad feeling when Layla walked out of the grocery store holding two heavy bags of snacks which was more than the amount she'd eaten in twenty-five years of her life.

"Who are these for?" Y/N had asked.

And Layla had told her, "for me. I'm in a good mood."

Y/N didn't know what kind of 'good mood' her best friend was in, but now the girl was lying on the couch with Treasure on her lap, a bowl of popcorn on her right, a giant pack of gummy bears on her left, and her legs on the coffee table. She didn't look like Layla, she looked like Y/N's dad on lazy Sundays or football nights. That was how Y/N knew it was serious.

"I'm going to order a pizza. Want one?"

"Please don't. I'd throw up all over you," said Y/N as she marched toward the couch and took the bowl of gummy bears away from Layla. Layla attempted to reach for it, but Y/N smacked her hand away.

"Hey!"

"What is wrong with you?!" Y/N said. "First, you bought everything in the store that contained sugar and now you're eating pizza?!"

"I've eaten pizza plenty of times!" Layla gasped.

"That was before you turned thirteen!" Y/N cried out, but her best friend was just gawking at her like she was the one talking nonsense.

And then, it hit her.

Y/N sat speechless, her eyes bulging out as she finally realized what was happening here. "Oh no," she mumbled with a blank stare. "You're trying to gain weight with me, aren't you?!"

"No, I am not!"

"Yes, you are! You touch your hair a lot when you lie."

"Bullshit."

"There! You're doing it again!"

Layla suddenly withdrew her hands from her hair and shoved them into her armpits, her forehead puckered up and her voice was low. "So? What if I want to?"

"Then you won't fit the dress, Layla! Stop being crazy!"

"I can still get it altered," the girl argued, giving Y/N a slight shrug. "I want you to feel good about yourself, especially at my wedding."

"And you're doing that by gaining weight and ripping the dress that you love?"

"I love the dress," Layla breathed. "But...I love you more."

Though they'd been friends for that many years, Y/N could barely recalled the last time Layla had said those three words to her without making it sound like a joke. And now, it was definitely not a joke. Because the girl was blushing and nervously rubbing her palms together.

Y/N couldn't hold back a massive grin as she said, "I love you too." And then reached for Layla's hand. "But you don't have to worry about me. I'm just temporarily insecure about my body. I guess all women feel this way at least once during their pregnancy, but I'll get over it."

"What if you won't? I can't be happy at my wedding if you aren't." Layla huffed as she rolled her eyes upward. "And God, it's awful enough that you can't even attend my bachelorette party."

"Layla, we've talked about this. There'll be alcohol and...and a lot of activities that will be too much for me and my baby bump."

"I could just get rid of those."

"No, don't be stupid."

Those words slipped out before Y/N could stop herself. She had never called Layla stupid, not even as a joke. In fact, nobody had ever dared to call her stupid. Y/N expected her to get angry and say something mean, like she would have if it'd been Niall or Harry who'd said it by accident. But, no. She just snorted and playfully hit Y/N's cheek. "If I could only have one guest at my wedding, it'd be you. So...I won't have any fun unless you'll be there and have fun with me. We're in this together, remember? For better or worse."

Y/N couldn't come up with a response. In fact, she was too emotional to even make a sound. The way her chin quivered made Layla chuckle.

"Bitch, you'd better not cry because I'll—"

Without waiting for Layla to finish that sentence, Y/N wrapped both arms around her neck, hugging her so tightly. And Layla hugged her back right away as they both started laughing for no reason. Who knew how long they would've stayed like that if their men hadn't walked in?

"We're back!"

The girls both turned to the door, slightly confused.

"Oh, you're back early." Y/N raised an eyebrow as her husband approached and kissed her on the cheek. "How was the party?"

Exchanging looks, Harry and Niall said at the same time. "Terrifying." "There were strippers."

"Harry!" Niall shouted at his best friend, but it was already too late. Layla stood up so quickly that Harry reflexively took a step back.

"Strippers?" she exclaimed. "There were strippers?!"

"Yeah, but we didn't touch them—"

"I'm gonna kill Greg!" Layla clutched her fists and squinted her eyes. "I'm gonna kill your brother. I mean it this time."

Clearing his throat, Harry nudged Niall so he would say something before Layla stormed out with a murder weapon in her hand.

"Anyway," Niall began with a laugh. "Thanks to Greg, we just came up with a great idea for our bachelor party!"

"We don't care about your—"

"When I said 'our', I meant, 'yours and mine', baby."

Y/N seemed rather puzzled. "Wait, you want to do a double bachelor party?"

"Yup!" Harry said excitedly. "Fuck tradition. Let's do a treasure hunt."

Everyone turned to look at the white cat, who was glaring at Harry, not so happy about what he'd just suggested.

"No, not our Treasure." He rolled his eyes. "I mean the game we used to play on Halloween night each year back in college. You know, since Halloween is the day before your wedding."

"It is?!" Layla gasped.

"Yeah. You didn't know?" Harry chuckled and gave her a shrug. "I thought you picked the day on purpose."

"What was that supposed to mean, asshole?"

Ignoring those two, Niall spoke, "Y/N is pregnant so she doesn't have to play, but she can be the host."

"Nuh-uh." Layla shook her head, crossing her arms. "If she's the host then Harry will automatically win."

"Hey, I'm not a cheater!" Y/N said, and Layla motioned her to shut up.

"I don't believe you. This idiot is your big baby. You'd kill someone for him."

"Yay, I'm the big baby!"

"Shut up, Harry!"

"Guys! Focus!" Niall exhaled. "We'll ask someone else to be the host then. But does that mean you two are in?"

"I don't know...The first time I played, Harry and I fell through the floor and got trapped in the basement," Y/N said, but her husband stroked her hair and gave her a reassuring smile.

"We'll pick a safer location this year. Do you really think I'd put my babies in danger?"

"Okay, then we're in," Layla said before Y/N could even open her mouth, and the men high-fived each other like two little boys.

It was only when Y/N got up and picked up the bowl of gummy bears that Harry and Niall noticed all the snacks on the coffee table. They both pointed to them and said at the same time, "are those for us?"

"No, they're—"

"Yes, they're all for you!" Y/N happily shoved the bowl into Harry's hands so she could pull Layla up. "Come with me. I'll show you my dress."

"Yes! Finally!" Layla jumped right out of her seat.

"Hey, can we see?" Harry asked.

And both of the girls screamed at him, "NO!"

[theda-rison]

Camp Nano July 2020 - Results, Discussion, and Conclusion

the Like, wow, Scoob! 

Camp Nano July 2020 is done, and here are some thoughts:

I always knew that writing a comic script was going to be a learning experience - I’ve never written a comic script so it really couldn’t be anything except for a learning experience - but hoooooo boy, was it ever!

Before starting I couldn’t find anything on how long comic scripts normally are; I don’t know why, that just seems information that isn’t really shared? (If anyone knows of a resource, please send it to me!) I’m guessing it has a lot to do with there just being less comic writers than there are say, book writers and movie writers. That’s probably what happens when your interests are niche in some way, it’s just harder to find anything about them.

FORTUNATELY, I have the fancy library-bound volumes of The Sandman, and there’s excerpts of the scripts in the back. Which like… thank you @neil-gaiman​, or whoever made that decision, because being able to look at an actual script and see how it’s formatted and what’s included has been the biggest help. Even the “How to Write a Comic Script!” videos I found on YouTube didn’t have example scripts which... I don’t know, I don’t get it. Please include examples, comic YouTubers. I am confusion.

Now is the time for a sexy graph, because we are the kind of people who keep Excel spreadsheets of word counts and make graphs for fun.

Anyway, let’s look at…

[Good. I was listening to As The World Falls Down by David Bowie over and over, and now this is stuck in my head again. I don’t know why I do these things to myself. Also, I love Peter Tork’s face during some of the “AAAHHHH”s lol]

I can’t remember if I stated this before or during Camp at any point, but my goal was 60k words. I dislike aspiring for un-round numbers like “1667″ every day. Any number I could possibly pick is arbitrary, but for some reason the classic Nanowrimo number of 1667 seems even more arbitrary. “2000″ is a much better number. And, I can generally write 2000 words in two hours before running out of steam, so it works out well. It also divides better.

Having said that, you might be thinking, “Theda, the end Actual number on your graph is a lot closer to 90k than it is 60k,” and you would be right, good eyes. Were I Brandon Sanderson and you were one of my students, I would toss you a gummi bear. As it is, you’re not my student and I have no gummi bears and I’m not even Brandon Sanderson… so life is just upsetting I guess.

[But I am back to listening to As The World Falls Down, so I suppose it all works out.]

Back to the graph: The Actual. Look at this wavy-fucking-scalloped-fucking progression. Look at it. I can’t tell if it makes me happy or angry or what, but I know it gives me some kind of feeling. I think I like it from a purely aesthetic point of view, but from the point of the view of the person who made it, it annoys me.

I had a couple of days where I - in my infinite stupidity - didn’t really elaborate on what was supposed to happen in some of the scenes in my scene list and so I spent my “Writing!” time (as it’s labeled in my planner) not writing, but looking at the page cursing myself for not having written any directions for me, a directionless person.

You may also notice that the Goal bars suddenly jump up on the 24th day,. That’s because - in my infinite wisdom - I redid my goals after reaching 60k. It just makes more sense to me to be like, “Well, I punched that goal in the face. Let’s try and go WAY overboard,” because I have the Too Much gene and as Henry Rollins says: “Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.” I wouldn’t say that’s a personal philosophy so much as a Thing I Am Compelled To Do Or I Will Die.

But that’s just me.

As for the trend line, I prefer it looking more steep because that’s way more gratifying, but that’s what I get for writing parts of my scene list like, “That’s okay, Future Me will take care of it!” Past Me, you are a dick and you need to stop doing these things. You are a bastard.

Now for the table! 

[I’m sorry if that’s very small.]

And this time I’m showing you the actual table I use to write down my words. Complicated? Yes. Sexy? Very yes. A little annoying? Also yes. Do we get a little worried that she works too hard and refuses to take a vacation? We do, but we also know that she does it because she loves her work, and we love and support her and bring her snacks throughout the workday to keep her going. What a great table.

First of all: Yes, my first writing block is at 4am. It’s because I have a day job and if I write from 4-6 I can use my brain right when it’s freshly slumbered instead of using it for nonsense at work all day and being unable to write and aggravated because my mental capacity is nil and I no longer know what words are. In an ideal world I would be able to write all day but, here we are.

You might notice there’s a lot of 0’s in the 4am block, especially in the fourth week, and that’s more so because - in my infinite infiniteness (infinity?) - I am secretly an ice giant (but like, smaller) and it’s summer and the northern hemisphere is Too Hot and I literally will not be able to sleep at night until about December. Until then, I am forced to understand what it’s like to be a jacket potato for half of the year so I can empathize with their starchy pain because this is, for whatever reason, Important.

It me. (Recipe)

Anyway,

My record day was 7519 on the 10th, which is just sexy and fun and cool and everything we want, and my lowest was a big fat 0 on the 16th.

I felt super motivated for reasons I don’t remember on the 10th. This is because I didn’t have my planner yet and was not keeping notes anywhere else at that time. (It’s an undated Daily Passion Planner, in case you’re also a slut for planners and wish to know ;) ). I think I was trying to do a 10k day just for funzies? Which, technically, at 2k words in 2 hours I should be able to do 10k in 5, but cell phones exist (and are too distracting), and until I shed my corporeal form I still have to do things like “make food and eat it,” and “get up to pee,” and “experience all the vagaries and horrors of human existence.” I’m hoping it clears up soon. 

The 16th was the day that Future Me took Past Me by the hand and said, “My good bitch, you need to stop doing that thing where you leave shit for me because you run out of motivation or executive function or whatever the fuck is happening where you decide you don’t want to do something anymore, seemingly at random. You deciding to leave school before the day even started because you were bored may have been cute when you were a kid - and also annoying for everyone around you, and just alarming that time they had to pry your hands off the door molding as you held on to it and screamed - but as an adult you are both the cause of and the person who has to deal with this bullshit, and you need to stop.”

On the 16th I went to the Shrine of the Self (sorry, I’ve been reading a lot of manga lately) and made an offering for forgiveness, and then hunkered down and added a TON of notes and partially written scenes to my scene list. You can see how much that helped; it’s almost like having direction is actually useful, lol.

BUT, despite all that direction and despite punching my goal in the face, breaking it’s glasses, and taking it’s lunch money, the script is not finished!

Here’s some math as of the 23rd:

There are 124 points in my outline On the 23rd, I had completed 44 of those points, at 363 pages or 59,601 words 124 / 44 = 2.81 Now we check: 44 * 2.81 = 123.6 (close enough) So as of the 23rd, the projection for completing the script was: 363 * 2.81 = 1,020 pages 59,601 * 2.81 = 157,479 words

Now, I don’t know what the fuck that means because I don’t really do numbers, but at the time of the 23rd it looked an awful lot like I wasn’t going to finish this Camp project. And uh… hey, that was correct.

So I’m going to be continuing Camp Nano July 2020, but also in August 2020, over about 20 more days (providing I hit my goal every day.)

So:

IF -> I need to get up to 158,000; 158,000 - 86,000 = 72,000 words need to be written. (I'm rounding the total up because I canNOT imagine this script being somehow smaller than that at this point, and I’m rounding my Camp total down because who cares about 72 words?) I divided 72,000 from a few numbers until I got a word goal I was okay with, that I think I can do, here’s that one: 72,000 / 20 days = 3,600 words a day (This would mean I can either do 2k in the morning and then 1600 later, or the reverse. You know, whatever way I feel spicy that day.) THEN -> I need to write 3,600 words a day for 20 days to (hopefully) finish this script before work picks up at the end of August.

And then I’ll chill from the end of August - October (except for maybe some short stories or essays. I have a lot of Thoughts and they need to be purged from my brain for my own good). And then I’ll use Nanowrimo Classic (November) to edit this fucker.

SO… that’s some stuff.

As I said at the beginning this endeavor was only ever going to be a learning experience. Having to write 158k words total doesn’t scare me, the longest thing I’ve written yet was something like 190k words. Trying to finish it before the end of August is the daunting part. Especially since being able to be creative right now just keeps making my brain puke out more ideas, and then there’s too many ideas and I’m just writing them all down and hopefully I can get to them later.

Anyway, good job on Camp Nano July 2020 everyone! We did it!

And if you didn’t do it: don’t worry, you’ll do it next time :D

[kinomiakai]

Fic Decade in Review!

I thought I’d do something a little different this year - so, instead of going over all the fics I’ve written this year, let’s talk about this decade! They’re all SNS (except for the original stuff I’ll throw in there for the sake of accuracy) and will be under the cut :)

If you want to check out the actual summaries and stuff, this is my fanfiction.net account, here is my ao3, and here’s all my original work!

2010:

August: Konoha’s Number One (a dramatic dark!naruto thing that I only keep up to show that I’ve grown as a writer oh my god please don’t read it I’m just putting it here for the sake of honesty ajkhdksa)

2011:

...whoops

2012:

August: Alcohol Induced (my first ever attempt at smut)

September: Perceptual Organization (my attempt to both study and write fic)

October: Worthless (my only ever attempt at first person)

2013:

...uh

2014:

nope

2015:

we’re getting there

2016: (we take off!!)

October: How To Break a Mask is finished after 10 years (whoops), and I get an ao3 account!!! (HtBaM, Alcohol Induced, Perceptual Organization & Worthless are moved there - in the interest of time I’m only going to put ao3 links from now on but everything is also on ff.net!)

Still October: Both Name? and Strictly Professional are posted!

November: Home and The Jutsu are posted! (what the heck I wrote so fast back then???

2016 + prior word count total: 88,285!

2017:

January: I post Sleepless and Miscommunication and Masquerade! Woooo!

September: Posted both The Bet and Can’t Stand You! Can y’all tell I was trying to get better at smut lmao

October: Speaking of smut, Stress Relief was posted this month :D

December: I pause writing Enter Naruto to write Rebuilding in like a week like some sort of fever dream, and somehow have it ready for sns month! (I think this was a big turning point ksjdhkshf)

2017 Word count total: 60,784!

2018:

January: I post the first chapter of The Birthday Chronicles! (which was originally supposed to be a oneshot, oops)

February: I immediately follow it up with the prequel, The Present

April: I post Long Enough! which is definitely long enough to not be a oneshot but is the first fic I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to break into chapters

May: I update The Birthday Chronicles with another chapter that kinda sorta maybe stands alone?

June: I post Unnoticed!! Nice to be back in canon :)

July: I post Some Nights are a Storm! The first time I’ve wildly rewritten a fic. You guys are nice enough to want to read the first draft, too :)

July (again) to August: I start posting Enter Naruto on Sasuke’s birthday! I post a chapter a day and you guys read along and it’s amazing. It’s a culmination of at least two years work and every bit was worth it, I have such fond memories of that :) (A whole bunch of firsts here - writing Sasuke’s parents, writing Kakairu, writing slowburn, writing this MUCH, writing that many smut scenes, writing consistently over a long period of time)

September: I try my hand at one of my favourite tropes in (6+1) Times :) Also the first time I’ve ever written them as kids!

October: I post the third bit of The Birthday Chronicles!

November: I write Online for one tumblr prompt and A Night of Poor Choices for another!

December: I give a christmas gift to all my readers in the form of ‘Tis the Season (and I made a hard deadline!! Woohoo!)

2018 word count total: 203,850!!!! (lmao thanks Enter Naruto)

2019:

January: uhhhhh Under Pressure just kind of happens

February: I write C’mon in a burst of speed in the hopes of cheering up a very sweet anon!

March: we’re back in canon again for a flame, a cave and a feeling!

April: I fiiinnnaaalllly get around to write that Proposal x Wedding prompt and I take lots of liberties with tradition in Reborn by Flame!

June: I finally start posting Something Good! And you guys are all so sweet, even when I make you cry. (Definitely a sadder fic then I generally post, but I’m so glad you came along with me for the ride!) - /// - I also make a patreon and start posting my original work for the first time ever - starting with Some Sort of Feeling!

July: we celebrate Sasuke’s birthday to his unending annoyance in Sasuke’s “Not a Birthday Party” Birthday Party! - /// - (July’s patreon fic is The Worst Date Ever!!)

August: I give you guys a teaser & give a lovely anon a oneshot they requested in the form of Bite Me! (it’s gotten so long now friends. there’s so much happening please help) - /// - I also finally post a wlw fic on my patron as 🍀 (the girl from the bus stop)

September: I post Waiting for an Answer, based off an idea I had yeaaarrrsss ago! - /// - (Similarly, on patreon, I post The Woodcutter and The Witch, set in the world I’ve been thinking about for absolute ages!!)

October: I spend a whole bunch of way too late hours in a haze writing A Hostage Situation until somehow a fic just kind of morphs out of it

November: I finally get to share Moments, the piece I did for @eclipsed-zine​! I also post Undeniable, linking all my fics together :) - /// - On patreon I make up for last month by posting chapter 1 & chapter 2 of my long-term project: The Forest!

December: I forgo the christmas present in favour of making your yuletide gay with The Best Best Man! I get to finally write some proper inosaku in :D - /// - I post chapter 3 of the Forest on patreon, and my patreons vote for their christmas gift to be chapter 4 :D <3

2019 word count total: 137,965 of fanfic & 40,100 words of original content!

Stats of the decade: 39 fics - 539,984 words!

I’ll try to beat it in the next ten years :) Thanks for being part of my life, guys! It’s really been awesome to be able to invest myself into writing like this. I hope I can bring you all even more happiness in the next few years!

[har-rison-s]

Losers Will Stick Together

Request: Stan x reader cute domestic fluff with kids and happiness and stan doesn’t d** and they get a visit from the losers and it’s just soft fluff because i miss my baby and he deserved the world and more but didn’t get it and iM BITTER😭thanks lovely your stan work is honestly the best i’ve seen

A/N: So this is some sort of thing I wrote as a promised part two and also a thing for myself to have a family feeling in my heart, a closeness to something, you know? I hope this meets all your standards :) I got such deja-vu from writing this, taking that LST was one of my first works on here. Hehe. I promised you all a second part :))) Happy reading and seasons greetings and happy New Year's! :) <3

Twitter

IT Masterlist

Heaven Masterlist

Warnings: talks and descriptions of IT, Neibolt, injuries. Also spoiler warning for IT: Chapter Two (come on, man)!

Gif credit goes to owners, which isn’t me!

Stanley and his wife decided that they could let his friends stay the night after the dinner. It would be a very friendly and close-contact sleepover for the Losers, but they had done that as kids for years, so why should that be a problem now? There's no awkward feelings. Eddie and Richie would be sharing a mattress, of course, as would Beverly and Ben. Before they did, though, there had to be cleaning up, putting kids to sleep and talking to do. 

Everyone helped. Richie had Louise on his shoulders while he cleared the table with Bev and Eddie's help. Nathaniel was carried on Ben's shoulders as he and Mike helped Stanley pull out mattresses, pillows, sleeping bags and blankets. Bill and Y/N were in charge of washing the dishes, drying them and putting them in place. That's how Bill got familiar with the Uris kitchen organisation and Ben and Mike learned the house plan. The Losers got familiar with the house that'd become one of their second homes. 

Little Louise loved pestering Richie's hair and taking off his glasses, but he never got annoyed. He always played along, joked, tickled Louise and made the little girl laugh. Ben and Nathaniel seemed to have something in common - Nathaniel is quite a restless spirit, and Ben's characteristic ideally corresponded with that. He was just as ready for wrestling or running around as the little guy. Stanley was starting to worry Nathaniel would grow up a rascal, but as long as that influence was from one of his best friends, he didn't seem to mind that much.

At the end of the night, when everything had been cleaned up and Y/N was almost done putting their kids to sleep, Stanley gave his friends each a beer bottle, like most their fathers did back in the day, and they sat down in the living room. Richie had told Richie there was a lot to tell him, and Stanley himself had a lot of questions for his best friends, taking that they'd told him quite strange words upon their own arrival.

“So, wait--what happened when Mike called you all? You went back to Derry?” Stanley asks, his elbows resting on his knees as he has leaned forward. Three of his friends are sitting next to him on the sofa, the other three are sitting on lounge chairs in front of the sofa. It feels like an actual sleepover, all of them have a deja-vu feeling in their whole body and heart. Also it feels like a story-telling night Derry Library used to have, cause a major story would be told. 

His friends nod in answer to his question. “I mean, it was weird. So weird.” Eddie's the first to speak up, and as he does, he shakes his head and looks down. “I crashed my car when Mike called me. And, like, I didn't know who he was at first, but then… Everything kept coming back to me, to all of us. But the most came back when I finally met everyone.”

“Yeah.” Richie nods from next to Eddie. “I mean, I threw up when I got my call. But meeting them was a big relief. You know, I felt safe.”

“Something happened to all of you when Mike called?” Stanley asks, looking around at his friends. They nod again.

“I got into a bad fight.” Beverly says, and Stanley worriedly eyes her after her confession. His eyes hold empathy, but she only shrugs with half a smile. Half a real smile.

“My new project didn't get approved.” Ben says. “I don't know if that's an… an unlucky thing.”

“I also got into a fight.” Bill admits, looking down at his left hand, and Stanley notices how he eyes one specific finger. The finger that should have probably been still holding a marriage ring, but it's naked, no ring on it. 

“Wow.” Stanley sighs. “That's a lot.” He takes a swig from his beer, as does Bill and Richie (almost in sync). 

“A pity you couldn't make it, Stan.” Mike says, a hand landing on Stanley's shoulder. Now is Stanley's turn to nod. “But, you know, there was a strange thing that happened.” 

“More than one.” Eddie points out.

“What?” Stanley asks. “What happened?” All his friends give him scarce looks, which only tells Stanley that what happened was something they still haven't gotten over. Stanley remembers Y/N telling him there's a Mike Hanlon on the phone for him, he remembers talking to Mike and he remembers that the call was in May. It's October now, almost half a year since.

“Well, I was trying to tell everyone why you weren't at the restaurant with us,” Mike starts to say, “but I couldn't get the words out. It's like…”

“You st-started vomiting, Mikey,” Bill points out, almost reminds Mike of what happened.

“Oh, God.” Stanley says, only imagining what Mike could have been barfing up.

“I was vomiting up blood.” Mike says. “But I wasn't hurt. And we couldn't stop it. So I figured I'd just give it a rest, at least while we were in the restaurant. Then we got our fortune cookies, and from each message we got a whole one.”

“Remember when I was in the Deadlights, Stan?” Beverly asks, looking straight at Stanley. He nods. “I saw… horrible, disturbing things. And I saw… I saw you.”

“So, we were heading out of the restaurant and Bev thought to call you up.” Ben says.

“And I… well, Y/N picked up the phone. And she told me that you had… You had passed.” Beverly continues.

“What?” Stanley's face twists in confusion. He feels like he's been accused of a crime he hasn't done.

“It's what I saw in the Deadlights. You… laying in a bloody bath… with your wrists… open.” Beverly takes silent pauses between the words that are hard to say. Stanley puffs deeply and looks down to his feet. 

“She basically saw all of us die. Pennywise told us you.. couldn't cut it, through the fortune cookies.” Richie says.

“But it's not--it's obviously not true. Nothing like that happened. Y/N didn't answer a call on my phone. I didn't get no call, and there was no bath, guys--”

Richie shakes his head. “Don't worry.” He says. “It's quite obvious, man.” Richie makes a funny look on his face, wide eyes and eyebrows raised. The Losers share a breathy chuckle. “It's what would have happened if we hadn't done… what we did when we came back to Derry.”

“So that's why you said that it's good to see me. I thought you were being weird.” Stanley shrugs now and takes another sip from his bottle. He now leans backwards, resting in his sofa with Bill and Mike on his sides, concerning looks in their faces. “You were all looking weird at me, but I thought that was because, you know, we hadn't seen each other in so long.”

“Oh, it's definitely that, too.” Eddie says. Ben grins, Bill laughs an airy chuckle. 

“Well, okay, um…” Stanley doesn't really know what questions to ask. “Well, tell me everything. I don't know what to ask, really.” 

“Bill's great at story-telling, but he's still got his stutter, so I won't nominate him.” Richie says. 

“Yeah, remember how you nominated me as a sacrifice and then I almost died?” Eddie asks, shooting a sceptical look his way. Richie only pokes him with his elbow, but that makes Eddie groan in slight pain. “Bill's lucky not to get nominated.” 

“Sorry. I nominate everyone else.” Richie says.

“Why don't you do it, then?” Eddie questions. Richie looks at him.

“Well, I can. If nobody else wants to.” He responds. “Mike would be great to tell this.”

But the man in question shakes his head. “You go right ahead.” 

“Alright, then.” Richie shrugs, takes a deep sip from his beer bottle and gets into a comfortable position. He crosses his legs in front of him in the lounge chair and leans with his back into the back of it. “So, five months ago in a town not so far away, we all met up again. Mike told us the real reason he asked us to come back, which was to defeat IT. He believed and had proof that IT was back again. Me and Eddie, and, well, everyone, I think, except Mike, wanted to leave after we found out the truth. So we went back to the hotel where our stuff was, but Bill over here went with Mike to his place. Mike showed him a ritual that we would later be performing--which also turned out to be bullshit, Mike--” Richie pointedly looks at Mike, who only sighs and everyone tells Richie to keep his comments to himself, ”and Bill told us about it.

“Meanwhile, at the hotel, Bev told us she's seen all of us die. And we would have, if we hadn't kill IT in this cycle.” Richie continues. “So we realised we can't go back home, and so we stayed. Mike and Bill told us about the ritual of whatever, and said it's the only way to kill IT. So we got some sleep, and then Mike took us out again. Guess where he took us.” Richie genuinely waits for a guess from Stanley, but he's got none and so he shrugs. “Mike took us to the Clubhouse. Remember? That Ben built for us and we went there after the rock fight with Bowers?”

“Oh, yeah, sure, I remember that.” Stanley nods and speaks as if it's not that big a deal. His friends pause.

“You remember?” Eddie deadpans.

“How much do you remember?” Bill asks a more precise question.

“I think I remember everything. But that's not important, I'm trying to hear your story.” Stanley looks at Richie again now, waiting for him to continue. The Losers lose their tense shoulders and relax in their seats, also listening to what Richie's telling them despite knowing it all.

“So, we go to the Clubhouse, where more memories come up, we found your shower cap can.” Richie continues and Stanley chuckles at the fond memory. “And Mike tells us for the ritual to happen we each need to get a token. And we need to find it alone. It's something that we buried when leaving Derry, a piece from our past. So we split up, which we voted against, to each find our token. 

“Mike told us to meet him at the Library at seven, and I was the first to get there. Mike was being attacked by Bowers, he was strangling him. So I took this ancient-looking axe-thingy and did best as I could from the movies I've seen.”

“He killed Bowers with that axe thingy.” Beverly frames it better, since Richie is still a bit wary of the event and his violent action. 

“What!” Stanley almost screams, lunging forward over his knees again, wide eyes boring into Richie. “No shit! Really?!” 

“Yes, really. He saved my life.” Mike confirms the statement. 

“Wow, man! I can imagine what it took to do it.” Stanley says, looking at his best friend in amazement. But Richie shrugs.

“Just some anger.” He says and everyone laughs.

“'Some'.” Eddie echoes, and everyone laughs again. 

“So, I killed Bowers, then everyone else arrived, except Bill.” Richie continues the story. “He met a kid while he was looking for his token, which is also a kid I accidentally yelled at previously, and IT had warned him about this kid, sending a warning on a skateboard, yeah?” Richie looks sceptically at Bill as he asks. Bill nods with a defeated sigh. “So Bill went to the carnival to save the kid, but unfortunately, he couldn't save him. The clown ate him up in front of Bill's eyes.”

“Richie!” Eddie scolds him. “Have some empathy, fuck's sake. Oh, sorry!” Eddie's face immediately changes in realisation that he used a swear-word. 

Stanley shakes his head. “They're probably asleep already.” He says and then turns to Bill. He's lost in his own thoughts, and Stanley reaches a hand around his shoulders. “I'm sorry, man.” Stanley tells him, and Bill only nods, now looking down. “It's not your fault, Big Bill.” Bill gives him a sappy smile. 

“Then Bill decided to go kill IT alone, but of course, we went after him. To Neibolt Street.” Richie keeps telling, and only the name 'Neibolt' sends shivers down Stanley's spine. “We went in together, and man, that was something. We saw some horrible version of you… Younger you... “ Richie looks like he's trying to tell Stanley what they saw, but also that he can't and that he doesn't want to. He shakes his head. He can't do it.

“It's okay, man.” Stanley tells him. “You don't have to.”

“You wanted to know everything, Stan!” Richie says, and there's disappointment in himself in his voice. He's angry at himself for not being able to tell the story.

“If you can't, I don't want to.” Stanley tries to convince him. Richie shakes his head again, and looks down at his hands again.

“It's gonna be hard for him to tell the rest, so I'll take over.” Eddie says, and he clears his throat. “So, there were multiple tricks from IT on our way down Neibolt, but we got through them. We went down into the Sewers again, it was disgusting, of course, and the water level had gotten higher. Oh, and the toys weren't there anymore, remember the pile he had in the huge sewer room?” Stanley nods. “Yeah, well, there was basically only water and a small island from what his lair had left behind. And there was a door, a round door, that we had to go through. At first I thought I couldn't do it, I… I'd had a few doubtful moments before that and I thought… I thought I'd make everyone die cause… Eh, it doesn't matter. Richie made me feel brave and hopeful again.” 

Richie's hand is laying on the hand-rest of his lounge chair, and Eddie reaches over it protectively, grasping Richie's palm between his fingers. Stanley smiles widely and in slight surprise, even a tear pricking his eye. Eddie's words touched his heart, and the hand contact between him and Richie touched Stanley's empathic heart even deeper. 

“Oh and Bev, too, she gave me this spike and told me it kills monsters! That was also cool. Thanks again, Bev.” Eddie looks over to Beverly and she smiles. “There was a tunnel under the door, and it led down to the real lair of IT. It looked weird, it looked like something out of a museum, honestly, if it didn't have that horrid smell and ugliness. Um, well, we performed the ritual, we burned all of our tokens--realistically, most of them can't even be burned, but whatever--and we were chanting and holding hands, and there were these lights--the Deadlights!--coming down from above and we were still chanting, and we got the lights inside a prysm-thingy that Mike brought, and we thought we'd done it.

“But it was another trick from IT. A huge balloon started to grow out of it, making us all run to the corners of the room, but it burst right at the last second. We were deaf for like, a few minutes, but then we got back on our feet and uh… Oh, then we found out the ritual was bullshit, um--IT appeared again. We saw its true form, I think, the lights appeared again and then Pennywise himself. He was huge, like his head or the top of his body was on a gigantic spider. He basically told us how he'd had this weird obsession over us for the last twenty-seven years, talking about how he wanted to eat us and just--eh, it was really weird.

“Mike wanted to die for us, but we wouldn't let him. IT had his game with us, he chased us around his entire lair, we saw a bunch of weird shit. Basically, we were separated - I was with Rich, Bev was with Ben, and Mike and Bill were on their own. Then we came back to the center, where IT was about ready to strangle Mike, but then Richie stopped him. He got himself trapped in the Deadlights. But then I… I had the spike Bev gave me with me and I threw it at the huge Pennywise-spider.” 

“You did what, Eddie?” Stanley gasps and opens his mouth in shock again. Eddie nods, a prideful smile on his own lips.

“Yeah, he saved my life, I think.” Richie says, a grateful look in his eyes towards Eddie.

“You think? I did save your life, you asshole!” Eddie gets offended, an accusatory look thrown at Richie. Everyone laughs. Eddie is back. “Anyway, Pennywise fell on a spike and got impaled and um, I went over to Richie to tell him I'd done it, and then I got impaled by Pennywise.” Stanley's breath catches in his throat. “They dragged me into one of the caves that was there and I told them I'd crack the way to hurt IT. I found it when I was looking for my token. It was… to make him weaker. Basically, insult him. 

“We tried to run away through a tunnel, but IT caught us. We were back in the center. And then, because I was wounded, I was in a corner while they just started insulting IT. I think you'd be best at IT, Stan. I also think us as kids could have really killed IT then, I mean, the way we talked and the words we used, but I guess as a kid you're more afraid, perhaps you're weaker then. So, anyways, they 'killed him with insults' until he got to a really small size and then they crushed what you could call his heart.

“And, then, of course, we moved out of there. As quick as we could, since they had to carry me and since the entire sewer system and Neibolt House started to come down. And--would you believe it--as they were getting me to the hospital, going through town, our scars healed. All our scars healed. Even my huge wound in the--in my abdomen.”

“Wow. I thought it had been weird that my scar disappeared. Two days after Mike called.” Stanley says, a look of realisation crossing his face. He takes another swig of his beer and sighs. 

“Yeah, and, well… We're all fine. We did it. We killed IT.” Richie finishes the bed-time story. Stanley nods, and then takes a minute to process their words. 

Even though they weren't together, his friends had done it. They'd killed the thing that had fed on fear and fed Stanley and his friends' own fears and anxieties. And the journey, as well as the process of killing IT, was not easy. Stanley would never imagine that it would be rainbows and daisies and unicorns. But what they went through - and the fact that they went through it all for a second time - was horrible, and it still takes a toll on his friends, their hearts, their minds. 

Bill's obviously still feeling guilt for his brother and the kid Richie talked about. Richie is still processing what he saw, processing what happened to Eddie. Beverly is still getting over her childhood abuse. Ben's still quiet, he's still shy and insecure, even though he's turned into the hottest man on Earth. Mike and Eddie are the ones who seem the most free, most free from their self-created fears and trauma from IT and their childhoods. Stanley can only hope and wish the rest of his friends to achieve the same freedom. 

“You guys are… Wow, I can't even find the right words. Um,” Stanley runs a hand over his face and looks over his friends again, “you really are heroes. No one might know it, you might not be world-famous heroes, but you guys are heroes. For yourselves and for me.” 

The Losers can only give him shy smiles in response, nod, look down. They clearly don't think so highly of themselves, but that's the crystal clear difference between them and Stanley. Stanley always saw them as the most beautiful, the best, best, best people in the whole world. He saw them as the best friends ever, the best friends in the whole world and the only people he could be friends with. They understood him, they cheered him up, they loved him and they made him laugh and made him smile. Most of all, they filled up his heart and made him believe in himself. That's the best part.

“Let's do a group hug.”

And so they did.

Permanent tag-list:  @gabiatthedisco​​​​ @v0idbella​​​​ @inlovewithmiddleagedcelebs​​​​ @works-of-fanfiction​​​​ @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen​​​​ @stfxlou​​​​ @ur-gunna-h8-ths​​​​ @betweenloveandfire​​​​ @but-legendsneverdie​​​​ @deardeacy​​​​ @thewinchesterchronicles​​​​ @mavieesttriste16​​​​ @mrsmazzello​​ @benhardyseyes​​​​ @langdonzvoid​​​​ @intrrverted​​​​ @the-freak-cassie-131​​​​ @eddie-spaghetti-boi​​​​ @radiantrichie​​​​ @terratori812 @urban-dreams​​​​

Stanley Uris tag-list: @nightbu-g @sadhwstudent @shawni-h @gothackedalready @seasidecrowbar @starred-river @raspberryacid @facelessbish @tozierskaspb @plum-duels @whereyoustand @kimseungminsgf​

LST tag-list: @elioelioeli0 @illcutmyhair @letstalkstories @seasidecrowbar

[sunnysideofsaturn]

2019, oh how you’ve destroyed me.

basically i’ve seen a ton of posts like this, especially by one of my best interweb pals (lookin at you, C @hey-im-pan ) and it’s inspired me to make one of my own! i journal a LOT but it’ll be interesting to try and sum everything up in little synopsis.

*side note: i struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ocd, so those and their effects may be mentioned. be cautious. This also doesn’t include a lot of the more personal instances, so don’t take it as an accurate representation of what it is like living with these issues*

January:

Honestly, not much happened. I went on a college visit trip with a few of my friends to my dream school, which was stressful but informative, and my anxiety attacks were far and in-between. Sleep schedule was wack (has been since 7th grade), but i was functioning. Dysphoria (i’m nonbinary, but hadn’t really even come out to myself then) was pretty high this month in particular for some reason, so i finally started trying to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. (I had like 2.5 feet it was a mess)

February:

Finally came out to one of my close friends as pan, kinda accidentally but she was chill with it :) My grandma had a weeklong sickness that scared the shit out of me, but she got better for the time being. I was constantly pushing myself academically and physically at practice, but my grades were taking a bit of a nosedive because i didn’t have the capacity to deal with everything, but i bottled it up because i hate feeling weak. I continued to explore my sexuality, and started to research the gender spectrum.

March:

School and Crew (rowing sport) were the only things on my mind at all times. I started having more anxiety attacks again, and decided it was time to talk to my doctor about going back on meds after 3 years off them. IB was kicking my ass, but i’m so grateful for all of my teammates for giving me an escape on the water. Started to accept I was non-binary.

April:

A month full of good vibes i really needed. Got my drivers license on 4/20. I hiked my grades up with the help of extra credit, held a “wedding” in a Dillard’s try-on section, and spent a few days of spring break at the beach with two friends. I finally cut my hair off!! That feeling was literally incredible and i try to get a haircut every other month to actually keep up with it now. Saw endgame, died inside, and competed in an art show! I was doing really well, so I went off my meds again (don’t do that without a doctors permission like me).

May:

BAdddd time to be off meds, anxiety and depression were dropping my health and IB finals kicked my ass and the class i had been most excited about taking had become my worst at this point, but I got through the exams without missing any. Went to Jr. Prom though! We actually used going to Jr. Prom as a coverup to throw a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I still have no idea how she didn’t figure it out. I also started talking to one of my internet buds, Rosie. She’s helped me through so much she doesn’t even know about, and it such a beaut inside and out <3

June:

MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH!! I finished my actual finals with minimal panic attacks, and join a Parkner discord! That was short lived, but from it was born… The What the Actual Fuck Fam, whom i love dearly. You guys still crack me up, and i know i’ll always have people to fall back on ( or help me commit murder.) Turned 17 and watched Monty Python (again.) Was forced into not one, but tWo bible camps, but also went to my first pride in my city! I have never felt so loved by so many people i don’t know :)

July:

Depression hit me HarD. I was constantly in a bad mood and taking it out on other people and myself, and I was losing even more sleep. Went back on meds for a bit. I got to see Far From Home, but pretty much isolated myself from anyone in my real life. July is always hard for me to get though for some reason. On a happier note, I started talking to @winterrs-child , who I now love dearly and @exbrodokills , which started out by exchanging memes but i think we can now call a friendship :D

August:

More depression, yayyyy, but Rosie and my irl friends helped me through it so much, even if they didn’t know it was happening. I finally came out to my parents and grandma as pan. They honestly took it pretty well, even if my grandma thinks it’s a ‘phase’. Also came out to C, B, and T as non-binary. Ya’ll were the first people I told after a YEAR omg <3 developed a huge celebrity crush on a cosplayer i won’t name even though they’ll never see this :’) Also fell back into the kiribaku pit after finally stabilizing my Parkner obsession. Also, joined a sapphic server which is basically a big gay support group :) (thanks to Rosie)

September:

Started my senior year of high school. So far, it’s pretty much been one big panic attack but i’m managing. I’m a mentor on the crew team this year and have adopted pretty much every underclassmen on the team. I love them all equally (except for my favorites) Cut my hair even shorter! I love it! Got back into writing poetry and short stories after an intense writer’s and reader’s block that lasted for almost a year. Went off my meds again (I should stop doing that, ik) Went to a Harry Potter fest, which was great, but started building up major anxiety for planning the rest of my life.

October:

SPOOP MONTH. October is my favorite month, so I was determined to make it good. Went on a couple more college tours, but also celebrated fall and halloween with my favorite people. Came reallllly close to stabbing my IB Bio teacher, but he’s survived, so far. Cosplayer mentioned earlier followed me on insta, cue gay panic. i also accidentally created a huge cuddle pile of 30 girls on my team in the captain’s backyard. It was as amazing as it sounds :0 Applied for 6 colleges

November:

CAVETOWN omg. I was also murdered with a bent hammer (don’t ask) and my mental health was pretty stable. I joined yet another server created by the cosplayer, and have made so many friends through it, plus gained a new dad figure :). Contemplated buying a binder on black friday, didn’t and deeply regret it (planing on getting one with the christmas money i get from my homophobic grandfather we pretend doesn’t exist) Discovered the goodness of Baby Yoda. Did pretty much no spanish homework. Solid 7/10

December:

Honestly, school wise december has been the most stressful month of this year so far, and the 2nd worst depressive episode. I’ve written 6 essays and done 5 projects this month and that was not a good time for the already low seratonin levels. i got waitlisted for the school i mentioned earlier, but was accepted into the other 5 :) I got to see an Of Monsters and Men concert, and I’m trying to push thorough til break, but my grandma has been getting sick more and more frequently over this year and now she’s been in a lot of pain for over two weeks and in and out of emergency care 6 times. Just hoping to make it to 2020 with everyone in tact and healthy :) I’m doing a secret santa with my friends im looking forward to. My friends have been amazing support through all of this mess, even if ii didn’t tell you about it, and i love you all!!

special mentions:

@donnaschaunamanon

@dawdlzdoodles

@harleykeenerprotectionsquad

@bumbblebeeeeee

@lykkesw

@chai-studying

@hey-im-pan

@pumpkinparkner

@everyone’s users i don’t know/remember

[inoctoberwebloom]

Jikook relationship development

WELCOME TO In October We Bloom take on... KM 2013 - 2014 fetus era

(this will probably be a series so stay tuned)

2013 -2014: probably the toughest era, 1 minute of silence for those people who loved KM and defended their bond since the very beggining. BTS had just debuted + they were teenagers = weird things happening 24/7. I hope you enjoy their awkwardness with me! ~

1st: THE LOGS.

February 13, 2013. Jimin and Jungkook’s first log. I’ve been binge watching their logs and maybe cooing over their cute little faces.  (It’s crazy how much Jimin changed from 2013 to 2014).

The log’s dynamic was pretty much the same during this time: Jimin close to the camera and leading the conversation while JK was being a cute little bean.

Important common and still relevant facts:

JK stared at Jimin a lot while he was talking. One could think: well yeah, that’s pretty much normal when you are having a conversation with someone, duh. But he doesn’t just look at him, he scans him. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s a mix between I’m-following-what-you-are-saying and look-at-my-cute-hyung-with-his-cute-little-cheeks (am I projecting? Maybe a little, who cares)

Controversial opinion incoming… (maybe not that controversial lol)

During these logs, Jimin was always caressing and complimenting him, like a cute puppy. If anything, I would say that the only one who seemed completely crushed by the other was JK, not Jimin like some people say. I don’t see romantic intentions in his gestures or attitudes. JK was 15-16 and looked even younger, and yes, Jimin wanted to love JK and give him all his attention but in a fraternal way (maybe he was missing his little brother, same age as JK). On the other hand, JK acted like a teenager in the presence of his ultimate crush.

**Their behaviours will fluctuate, of course. Jimin will not always see JK as his cute little brother. But many things must happen before that.

2nd: THE CRINGE A.K.A Jimin loving JK while the maknae was a shy bunny

If you have low tolerance to cringe you should not keep reading. This was the hardest thing ever. Why? Jimin was wilding during this era and JK’s favourite drink was banana milk (nothing has changed lol)

My top cringe-worthy KM moments you need to suffer with me:

Jimin being a mood and Jungoo trying to disappear.

They are talking about their music concept (you know, when BTS tried to be bad boys)

JM: I think the member who doesn't suit it the most… No matter what… No matter what… I think it’s you (stares at JK)

JK: Why? smiling a little

JM: he wants to know Because you are…

JK: “oh god he is coming, he is going to say it” starts talking to ignore Jimin

JM: …CUTE,

JK: has popped a vein by now, keeps talking with his big doe eyes fixed on the camera, probably blinking in morse asking for help

JM: keeps throwing compliments at JK’s face, unbothered …CHARMING

lmaooo

THE TRIP COMPILATION

JM: I want to go on a trip alone with Jungkook!

JK: frustrated emoji

Interviewer: Why Jungkook?

JM: I think he is very cute (OH WE DIDN’T KNOW YOU THOUGHT THAT :O)

JK: frozen smile

__

The question is something like: if you could go anywhere with anyone, what would you choose?

JM: I’m looking at the ocean with Jungkook looks at him smug af

JK: saying the alphabet backwards to himself

Interviewer: do you agree Jungkook?

JK: No, I’m going around Seoul with my eldest brother :D

Me while writing this: Jungkook, baby, say yes to my other baby… I can’t hold the tears anymore

Also me: don’t worry, he’ll pay for their trip to Tokyo and record GCFt

JK rating Jimin 7th in looks…

… And Jimin being tired of it. This became something Jimin expected, you could see it on his face: “this bullshit again”. I’m not mad at JK. Probably, every time he did it, he felt like he was in control. Our mochi pulled his strings 24/7 and this was his way of pulling Jimin’s.

Kiss the radio interview: THE EXPLANATION

Interviewer: Exactly why do you keep ranting hyung 7th in visuals? Is hyung that ugly?

JK: he’s not ugly, he’s handsome. Just… here (Jungoo is explaining that he doesn’t think Jimin is ugly, he only does it for the show).

Now the weirdest part ever:

Interviewer: is he not your style?

JK: my style…

JM: please, stop talking

JK: yeah…

3rd: Jungkook loving his hyung

Despite JK trying very hard not to accept Jimin’s attention on camera, sometimes he wasn’t very slick lol. Giving the chance, he would always acknowledge that Jimin was the one who comforted him the most. And well, JK could be weird sometimes too.

About Jimin’s coming of age:

JM: explaining he received some presents from fans.

JK: did you get any kisses?

Me: ?????????? JEON JUNGKOOK???? SAYING THAT???? IN THIS ECONOMY????

JM: No, do you want to give me one?

JK thinking he is slick

Unmasking JK.

JK: I think Jimin hyung likes me more than my real hyung

JM: so are you accepting my love for you now?

JK: no, it’s not the case, it’s just feels that way recently

JM: I won :D

Interviewer: Yes, you’ve won. Why do you like Jungkook so much?

JM: Jungkook has a side he doesn’t show to fans, but only in front of the members.

Interviewer: a charm?

JM: yes, like an aegyo side

In conclusion:

Even though around this era was when the whole “JK hates Jimin” narrative started, it was clear from the very beginning that it wasn’t true. Jungkook didn’t know how to respond to Jimin’s gestures on camera and Jimin was sometimes too much to handle.

They started walking independent roads in different directions but they ended up finding each other along the way... 

Adiós.