#i keep feeling so small
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just-me-in-my-head · 1 year ago
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TFW you've been called mature for what feels like your entire life and you finally realize (once you're going to college two years in advance) that you aren't mature, you just learned to push your emotions down so that others didn't have to deal with tantrums or outbursts and now you realize that you don't have coping mechanisms or friends or any personality at all (surprise, you're also taking sociology and it's fucking you up majorly) and every time you express any emotions you feel blinding rage towards yourself because you're "being childish"
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forgettable-au · 2 months ago
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FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 61-64)
* I-I don't think we were talking about the same thing...
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago
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Burning Rotten Bridges
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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jakeperalta · 9 months ago
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very sexy of joe alwyn to have the eyes of millions of prying swifties on him for months and to only ever be like "btw you should care about gaza"
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bunnieswithknives · 2 months ago
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Fop redesigns for funsies but also bcs I saw some star heel boots and had to put Dale in them immediately.
#No Dev in this lineup simply bcs I cannot imagine him wearing anything but his cannon outfit#he has no sense of fashion or personal identity to pull an outfit from LOL#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#dale dimmadome#fop peri#fop cosmo#fop wanda#redesigns#outfit redesign#art#digital art#fanart#Im not gonna be using Dale or Peris redesigns bcs those arent things I see them wearing regularly they were more just fun explorations#Hazel Cosmo and Wanda im def using tho#I know I didnt change Wanda much but#I have a small but insane pet peeve where I cannot stand a characters pants and shirt being the same color.#So I made Hazels sweater more purple and changed her pants to a different and darker blue#Gave cosmo a more relaxed dad vibe while keeping it a button up#Wandas mostly the same I just mostly used her human outfit and changed her sneakers to boots#Peri has less visible fairy features than his parents because hes more insistent about hiding them#Also if Peri looks uncomfortable in his outfit it is because he is ♥#I wrote like an entire paragraph about Peris relationship with gender identity and how fairy society biology/gender binary comes in conflic#and then I pussied out of posting it so now all you get is peri looking kinda uncomfy in a skirt#The long story short of it tho is that Peri identifies as the human version of male#while the closest he can get to that in fairy society is kind of transfem#So dressing like that around other fairies is closer to making him feel himself but still not entirely right
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dykedvonte · 2 months ago
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
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Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
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canisalbus · 4 months ago
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I've had Ludovicas girlfriend on the brain for months and finally sketched her out. I see her as the opposite to machete in that she has dark colours and softer shapes. Her ears and facefur kinda blend together and she gets big soft browneyes..
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turtleblogatlast · 9 months ago
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Something I like about Leo is that he’s honestly really chill? It’s easy to remember the moments where he’s being obnoxious or excitable but I feel like most of the time he’s incredibly “go with the flow” and has an overall affable demeanor.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#Genuinely speaking I feel like said demeanor is incredibly useful for when he has to charm and/or persuade people into listening to him#I have a whole post talking about Leo’s charm and how he consistently gets people to hear him out even if he’s annoyed or upset them#like they’ll still listen to what he has to say in full#his charisma stat is real and utilized quite often in this series I swear he’s not just a loser cringeboy all the time 😭#if he wants to persuade and/or charm then he honestly sooo often does#me listing the 400th reason why Leo grows up to be the worlds best ninja and a good 365 of those reasons are Leo’s various subterfuge skill#Like most episodes where he’s not the main focus (and even many where he is)#he’s a voice of reason who notices things quickly and is often the one taking point to talk down situations#something interesting I found between Leo and Mikey is that#Mikey tells people what they need to hear#Leo tells people what they want to hear#not only out of his own agenda either#when bullhop was wrecking their home leo was the one that negotiated to make the situation go smoother#even if he would have rather bullhop left#meanwhile Mikey is the one who bluntly tells things as it is#small character moment that means a lot to me#Mikey is an honest boy who is upfront about his feelings#Leo prefers to let people make their own decisions he wants them to through steering the convo in that direction#but he is easily cowed by guilt#regardless leo is a people person - he knows how to talk to them and how to manipulate/persuade#and I like that his bros know this and often push him forward to do the talking if they wanna charm someone into doing what they want#I think Leo’s hope speeches are also an example of this - he’s saying what people really want to hear (and often it’s ALSO what they NEED)#the further the series goes on the higher Leo’s inner stress rises and he just keeps that chill aura anyway#there’s a reason!!! he wanted to go to a SPA so badly!!#literally the first thing he does when he gets in is rest#no joke meditation would do him good? like- it’s a Leo thing and I genuinely think rise leo would be no different here
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ganondoodle · 2 days ago
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since tumblr always has to suffer my personal vents and breakdowns and rants and annoyances you get the most wips and pics of unfinished stuff, im sure that makes up for it
the (unfinished) shiekah arm concepts that made me want to explode and i dont think im gonna work on again
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thedemolitionderby · 7 months ago
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RULES OF BEING OTHERKIN #1
Being authentic and true to yourself is the only way you are 'supposed to be/act like' (insert entity). If anyone else disagrees it only tells you about them.
#going to start a small 'series' where I document stuff I learn that is otherkin specific. This is for myself as well as anyone who might#be struggling with things I used to/am working on(otherkin specific). hopefully this will reduce any mental pitfalls other otherkin may#fall into as they explore their identity and help out someone.#this 'rule' took a LONG time to fully understand and grasp. for the longest time I would consciously or subconsciously#think I was less Loki if I did or was something 'Loki would never do. until i realized I do exactly and experience exactly what Loki does#and experiences because...Im literally Loki. (talking about incarnations here). I felt pressured to be a certain way because 'Loki would#never (insert). being aroace is on of them. i tried to convince myself I wasn't aroace#and when I finally ran out of reasons i felt i was 'less Loki' because mythologically hes like the opposite. but Loki IS aroace. because#Im Loki. and Im aroace. so loki is SUPPOSED to be aroace because Im loki and im being exactly how loki is being. because im loki. being#myself. therefore being exactly like Loki. again - incarnation.#anyway....if anyone else struggles with this I hope this helps someone. its a really sucky place to be in honestly.#godkin#deitykin#alterhuman#otherkin#divinekin#nonhuman#alterbeing#therian#I think I will be learning a LOT more as I keep exploring and I will note down any 'rules' I learn - more like lessons but rules personally#sound more right for me. rules i will live by (yknow unless i find out im wrong but...im going to trust myself more and right now i feel#like this rule is true. so im using it as such unless i find out im wrong in future.
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godsfavoritescientist · 4 months ago
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I am drowning in content, I can't stop thinking about them, somebody, please, help me,
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vulpinesaint · 4 months ago
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Venom + Kissing Death by MOTHICA
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anewp0tat0 · 8 months ago
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it doesn't feel real to me fellas. but I don't have time to sit by and chat and unload unfortunately so I'll just drop this and be on my way, cya kind folks very soon ✌��
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not professional but I liked how his eye looked goddang it. I knew I was screwing myself but I did it anyway
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wybienova · 9 months ago
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dream visit (nostalgia) - a 2nd anniversary katfl comic
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civetfish · 1 year ago
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Nerd-to-nerd communication
Something super pointless and self-indulgent I've had on the backburner for a while. I love trying to make the pieces they gave us fit together!
Al-AN and Robin would absolutely bond over learning about each other's biology. I could talk about this forever but I'll get into all of the headcanons I have for these two in another post eventually
Below the cut is another version with some extra bits and pieces and the transcription
Transcript :
Architect Anatomy A. Architect "Brain" - Doesn't "store" information so much as allow for easy communication with the network B. Brainstem - connects the information received to the central nervous/circulatory system C. "Heart" - Circulatory system pumps the bioluminescent fluid to other organ systems and surface veins. Each node connects to a vast vasculature network D. "Kidneys" - Organs that filter the bioluminescent "blood" and other bodily fluids, absorbing and distributing collected material E. Nerve Center - Receives raw sensory data and filters it. Filtering can be unconscious or intentional
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F. "Respiratory" Tract - Intakes gases or liquids and filters out material for use. Disposes of waste on exhale. Provides cooling to internal systems
The respiratory tract functions less like a set of lungs and more akin to a computer's cooling system, with the ability to absorb material from the environment to use in other parts of the body. It also would likely help the architect's body analyze the environment it is currently exposed to on a molecular level. It is also truly unidirectional, with the intake vents near the "collarbone" and the exhaust vents on both sides of the abdomen
The architect organ cache in-game felt like it was definitely not a complete model of the internal organs, so I wanted to come up with something to fill some more space. I also just really liked the idea of Al-An being capable of something similar to breathing, without having a respiratory system in the traditional sense. Feel free to use any of this in your own headcanons if you would like :)
BONUS - a gif of all the layers!
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torchstelechos · 3 months ago
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Yall think about the last few hours of the loops where Siffrin asks the King if he's the one trapping them there? Y'all wonder what Odile and Isabeau think that means in relation to the quest or country? Do you think Mirabelle flinches at the question? Do you think Bonnie wonders why Siffrin seems so numb to everything? Do y'all wonder what they all thought of Siffrin asking a question that can only be described as heartbreaking and astonishing in nature? What do they mean trapped, what do they mean "here", what does he mean? In the end, they'll never get to ask and get a full answer because those loops are gone. They never happened. But do you think of those last few hours?
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