#i just. idk. it’s so fucking disheartening
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been banned in Indonesia for providing people with access to pornographic content.
Text
my sister in law took a picture of me cuddling with my nephews today and for the first time since i got my eyebrows back i feel like…. i look sick. like i look like a sick person. and obviously i KNOW i am a sick person but there is something about looking at yourself and seeing illness that feels really bad.
#hopefully it’s just bc i’ve had this awful cough for almost 2 weeks#but jesus. i just look frail. victoria said my lips were blue yesterday even though ive been keeping up with my pulse ox#and it hasn’t gone below 98%#i just. idk. it’s so fucking disheartening#ugh sorry for being sad on main ����#cancer post
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
look i hate LLMs as much as the next person but can we please stop acting like a totally easy and feasible replacement would be installing a mod that just exists out of thin air and comes with a custom written set of quests and NPC dialogue branches.
that is not how writing works. that is not how writing dialogue for games works. i have literally written NPC dialogue for a minecraft map before and six short, unpolished, janky monologues with no branching whatsoever took me two weeks to finish. frankly i would rather have the LLM stank than put a bunch of under/unpaid writers or actors into crunch mode for a relatively minor aspect of an otherwise great server.
#like oh my god okay for all people say that LLMs are utterly morally bankrupt and uncreative and don't have any of the soul of writing#some people sure do also seem to act like writing is so easy to do and come up with and like anyone can just type words#in other words it's fucking insulting. i'm sorry but it is genuinely insulting to act like it would be ~that easy~.#writing doesn't come from nowhere! stop that!#txt#orig#salt#misadventures#unrebloggable bc im just. so fucking tired its been such a bad month and that post going around is genuinely utterly fucking gutting for me#because it really does come off as ''yeah it'd be totally easy to WRITE AN ENTIRE QUEST SYSTEM INSTEAD'' are you INSANE#like hey guess what! we do actually know what that looks like! avidmc himself has an adventure map with custom written npcs and dialogue!#AND IT HAS TAKEN HIM LIKE FIVE YEARS TO MAKE BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT WRITING IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST HAVE ON DEMAND WHENEVER#sorry. sorry. i'm just so -- it's been so hard to write recently#seeing people act like it's easy and simple to come up with something that complex under a time crunch is so utterly disheartening.#like. idk man no wonder people don't interact with fanfiction as much if this is how they feel about writing as a craft.#i recognize that this is a very cynical take on the general discussion here but please also understand . it's been SO bad#this is kind of just our last straw. because fuckssake yall.#actually fuck it maintagging if everyone else can do that so can i#misadventures smp
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
since adding to that chocolate guy post saying that the tma tags are annoying i’ve had two separate people get upset because i’m “getting mad at them for liking things” or whatever when i literally never said that 😭 i said the tags were annoying and that’s it
#.txt#i’m allowed to be annoyed at a silly little thing i wrote about the chocolate guy#being constantly compared to something i only really know of tangentially#like it’s a shitpost just take it for what it is lol#if you find the fucking 4chan screenshot i added so disheartening#there are thousands of versions in the notes without it there#go reblog one of those instead#idk man you can do whatever you want i just also reserve the right to be#kinda peeved about it on my own damn post
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck, I just want someone to talk to about things. Literally fucking anything. I enjoy my own company but it’s so… draining almost? To never have anyone to share things I’m interested in or excited about or whatever with. I just want to scream some days from how frustrating it is
#stuff and nonsense#it feels so oppressive??? idk if that’s the right word for how it feels#I’m just so bottled up because I have no one to have a fucking conversation with#about anything!!!!#I’m nearly 40 and I’m so fucking LONELY all the time#because everyone else already has friends and ppl to talk with I guess#and when I do try to have conversations they inevitably Peter off because ppl get bored with me#so obviously the problem is me but I’ve tried different approaches and nothing works#so I give up#cw negative#My other issue is I’ve lost patience with ppl who clearly have no interest in listening to anything but the sound of their own voice#So that limits me because I seem to attract many of them#It’s very disheartening when someone ignores everything you say about yourself#And continues to talk about themselves like you didn’t say anything
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
So like. I want more lgbt+ stories that have actors in them that Look Like People. I shan’t name any examples bc I can’t take the heat of whatever fans of the Medias there are that do this, but so many have these stunning, polished, fresh outta vogue actors in them. And sure, they can be insanely talented and put on a great show…
But like, isn’t anyone else tired of it? I don’t know any gay/trans people that look like that. It feels… inaccessible. It feels like looking at something that’s meant to be a story you should (by all logic) love because it’s! your! people!
And yet… it’s not. Those aren’t my people. My people look like people.
#idk give me something to sink my teeth into 🤷🏻#some stuff does actually do this in ways that’s fun/camp/earnest even#which is great!! but so much lgbt+ stuff coming out the last fistful of years or so#that’s. almost all there is#it’s disheartening !!! like I’m not saying you have to hire 1000% ‘’ugly’’ people or what have you#just like can we grow up and hire people of a variety of ages#or with cooler hair or god forbid SCREAM body hair!!!!#can people have a rich identity#can they be beefy or strong or even a mite fat#ARENT WE BORED GUYS#ARENT WE A BIT BORED???????#a tooth gap even. freckles#things that small shouldn’t be invisible but they are so of FUCKING COURSE a lesbian can’t exist on tv who’s masc and also shy or kind#idk just fuck off fuck off im so tired of it#it’s exhausting#pls no one give me shit abt this I#I. Will get annoyed
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
"nothing in dm would happen without lesbians or autism" okay we're just missing the deep familial bond between the siblings the fact that it happened at all because falin was saving her brother when she got fucking eaten
argument can be made for autism re: laois and falin's dependence on each other as family because their entire family is autistic as hell and can't communicate a damn, leading to sibs basically leaving/being sent from home but at the end of the day if you're trying to say dm is the autism and yuri anime you're missing so fucking much more that's involved.
#this is such a fucking#listen idk it just makes me mad cause I'm 100% on board that marcille is down bad for falin but like#come on if you insist on being mean to other characters for liking falin#or narrow down the show to just this one facet#or hell even narrow down marcille to this one facet of her character#it pisses me off so much#right along with the 'oh i lost interest in kabru/laois/mithrun/thistle when I found out he's a dude'#like congrats but imagine how disheartening that is to read for people who like them as characters#and there's a notable overlap between these three communities ime
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
😔
#I’m tired#yes sleepy#but just in general#I’m exhausted#i didn’t properly go to bed last night so I just woke up and getting my sleepy ass to bed#but idk why I woke up#missing my old place like crazy#like more than usual#I miss it in my soul#I miss it so fucking much#I didn’t realize what I had until I moved#and now I would do anything to go back#it’s just sad and disheartening that idk when or even if I’ll ever be able to move out again#moving is so damn expensive#places are so fucking expensive#moving trucks and everything#I just don’t know if it’s ever realistic and that scares the shit out of me#I love my parents#but moving back here was such a bad decision#Even feel like my parents wish I didn’t move back but not getting into that one#I’ve been scrolling jobs non stop#but everything pays shit#and I’m genuinely scared to go back to a regular retail job#idk if my mental health can handle it right now#but what else can I do#this life is just so exhausting#I want to thank everyone who reached out#and the amazing person who tipped so I could pick up a little bit#🌙 you know who you are and I can’t thank you enough for all the support#ok gonna go back to bed and dream about the day when I can get my own place again :(
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
guess who got first place at pride trivia today :3
#perks of being a closeted queer autistic teenager on the internet#on the one hand it was great bc yay first place#but also kinda disheartening bc so many ppl didn't know any of this stuff#like. this is literally the pride club we're all gay here what the fuck do you mean you don't know any of these#this is literally the most basic shit you get when you google pride trivia#like cmon ppl we gotta learn our queer history#i was vibrating trying not to infodump all the related trivia bc the ppl didn't rlly seem super interested tbh#and like. i don't mind ppl not knowing like everybody has to start somewhere but i do mind ppl not caring about their history#like do you think you exist in a vacuum. everything we have rn is bc ppl fought for the right to exist as we are. don't you care about that#sigh. i guess im lucky i found queer spaces online and was able to learn a bunch of queer history from other ppl#and also i need to get into more political spaces irl bc these ppl are killing me i swear#just. i need to be around more ppl who actually give a shit and are actually doing something to try and improve things no matter how little#ppl i actually trust politically yknow#and with these ppl i just keep getting glimpses where im like. i feel like that was kinda mean or judgemental but idk if im being sensitive#which is kinda weird bc i never actually worry about that with my friends or ppl who are just kind in general#so maybe it's not just me being weird and these ppl are actually just not a good fit for me bc i always kinda dislike being around them#idk. this has gone a long way from being a cheerful post abt getting first place in pride trivia lol#mine
1 note
·
View note
Text
one of my innate personality traits is that i can really only think big term about my future plans when it's like 1am on a random weekday. spent like two hours last night fighting with myself on if i really want to try applying to mfa grad programs this winter or not.
#liveblogging life#i've been prepping to apply but idk man!!! it's disheartening to look up stuff about mfa programs and how bad financially everyone is#after they leave & how hard it can be to find jobs etc. in academia which is probably where i'd want to end up#but on the other hand i really do think a program would be good for me#on the third hand i might be dismissed out of hand thanks to an extremely shitty undergrad gpa#[deep sigh]#i guess idk if i want to go through all the work of applying - including the mortifying ordeal of asking for letters of rec#if it means i'm not getting in anyway#i talked myself back into at least applying to like my top 3-5 schools in part just to see what happens#and if i dont get accepted then i turn my focus back to trying to finish my novel projects and getting published#and if do then i have to decide what the fuck im doing with that lmao#the thing about this grad school question is that the likelihood i'd be accepted at my local school is pretty low#so if i got in there's a high chance i'd have to move#which means i cant like. think about houses or moving or w/e until i know for sure either way what my next year is going to look like#grad app woes#i'm also NOT telling my family i'm applying this year bc honestly i dont want any of them to get hyped on my behalf and then#have to tell them that i didn't get in. i'd rather if they just didnt know and i can pretend i lost interest if i dont get in to any lol#but literally if i tell like my parents my ENTIRE extended family will know about it and that's so stressful jesus christ
1 note
·
View note
Text
venting
#turns out no one will hire you if you haven't had an apprenticeship. i feel so fucking lied to#and unprepared. the course wasn't a waste in the sense it told me i could do this as a job#so it was worth it for me. i just hate that it was organized poorly and my teacher basically told me i can start my own shop when i truly#cannot. i'm not prepared. i don't know enough. so i do need an apprenticeship.#the only way to get that is to befriend piercers and i can't go to them as a customer since i'm broke and don't heal right. so i can't get#pierced by them and i don't know how else to start befriending people#so now i'm looking into remote jobs again but it's so overwhelming.#it feels like every time i find a path that feels doable the door gets slammed in my face#i'm so fucking stressed and sad and distraught i have no idea how to handle this#i'd love a front of house position in a piercing studio to start with but those are also so fucking hard to find#and i'm still just learning the language so i'm not fluent enough i won't be the first pick of several people apply#it's so disheartening. every time i think i've found my way something comes up that i don't know how to get around.#shit would be so fucking easy if i wasn't sick i could find a job doing whatever while i figure this out#but i'm too sick. if i'm lucky my sick notes will be extended til the end of the year#but i have no idea what to do after that.#been thinking about going to the unemployment office and being like yo i'm autistic and have a dr's note saying i cannot do physical jobs#can you find me a remote one#but idk if that'll help either#i'm just. really lost. and really tired. and really discouraged.#genuinely just exhausted.
0 notes
Text
.
#it feels so stupid to feel so alone when i'm surrounded by people who if I said that to they'd be like#noooo we love you! yada yada#i am nothing like any of these people and i don't mean that pretentiously#i mean i'm fucked up! lmao#and all of them are all such good friends with each other and I#idk#feel left out#i feel so willfully misunderstood#everything I say and do#i have never felt so stupid and ugly and insignificant#i fucking hate you columbus#you have bad vibes#1 more year before my life gets to be fucked up but in a different and uniquely disheartening way#i will probably make nothing of my life#i can't even get out of bed in the morning#yuck#je suis tres stupide#and what's more is whenever i even approximate trying to say this to someone it's always like#why#where's the proof give me an example#what happened that makes you feel this way#and how am i supposed to say that that very question is part of the problem#how am i supposed to explain the entirety of my being not being understood unless i sit down and write everyone a dissertation#and also drag all of the people I have to talk to#like yes sorry guys sometimes you all are cunts (derogatory)#whatever#i guess i am just am not ideologically in the same sphere#i am truly just fucked up lol
1 note
·
View note
Text
k wording myself if i dont get a job soon
#iam so. tired#its genuinely so disheartening#i just want a fucking job where they pay me okay and dont treat me like shit#i feel like thats not a lot to ask#right?#sigh#im going insane#idk what else to do#cami.txt
1 note
·
View note
Text
praying again and again and again
#the videos that are coming out are so horrifying#and to see motaz and the other journalists crying for help was so heartbreaking#so so so fucking unfair it's so disheartening#we have to keep fighting tho. we owe palestinian people this as the bare minimum#but it's insane how that government was like well now that we stopped bombing you for 4 days or so now we're back and doubling it!!!#i need the elites around the world to disappear i'm so serious#but the good thing is that more and more people are seeing how fucked up this is how fucked up everything is#and idk but it kind of feels like there's something big about to happen in the so called ''''“global north''''''#like maybe it's because kissinger d worded (!!!) but things are changing and i just wish that it didn't come once again#as a direct result of human pain#forza á palestina!!!!!!#RAMBLING AGAIN IK I JUST HATE THE SYSTEM & WHAT CREATED IT BUT LOVE HUMANITY DESPITE EVERYTHING#like miss le guin was right i believe in us to change everything!!!!!!#dara.t
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#I'm probably gonna stop posting art like completely#like I said earlier I get really disheartened when I post something and basically noone acknowledges it#The only person who really does is Linds and they're my wife and idk that's kinda expected? cos we're eachothers biggest fans#I just want a lil recognition y'know?#a lil good job#or nice work#just something#but fuck it I don't want to feel bad about it#so I'm just not gonna#no new art from me unless something changes I guess#I may do a reblog spam of my art#but I doubt I'll get any response from anyone other than my wofe#I'm tired stressed and unemployed and it's probably gonna stay that way for an incredibly disappointing amount of time
1 note
·
View note