#i just. i was thinking about how a lot of the poetry i associate with augustin is like

[buckandbobbyweek]

FAQ

What is Buck and Bobby week?

This is a week dedicated to Buck and Bobby from 911 and celebrating their father-son relationship. While a popular relationship, it's not a relationship that people often write about. So, with this event, we make sure there are plenty of new fic for us Buck & Bobby lovers!

What is the schedule?

Today (January 4th) the poll to vote for which month to fo Buck & Bobby week went up and goes for 7 days.

After there will be a poll to determine which week it will be, also running for 7 days.

Once we have a date, I will start working on a form where you can submit prompts and share this. This will be open for around a month. Less depending on how much time is left until the chosen date.

Once the form is closed, I will make a new form where you can vote for your favorite prompts. In the end we need 21 word/trope prompts (example: hugs, navy seal buck, hurt/comfort) and 10 sentence prompts (example: "did you steal my hoodie?", "what do you think you're doing?", "have you eaten yet?")

Depending on how many prompts and the results of votes, there could be a third form with the winning prompts to narrow it down more.

Then I'll make a post with the winning prompts and you can start writing!

And then we'll have Buck and Bobby week :)

Are there any rules?

AI is NOT allowed. Use of AI will end with your posts removed from the AO3 collection and being blocked on Tumblr. AI is theft.

This is to celebrate the father-son relationship between Buck and Bobby, NOT romantically. Romantic fics between them will not be included or reposted.

No abuse or SA taking place between Buck and Bobby. You can for other characters, but PLEASE tag accordingly! Use warning in both the warning section and the tags. I also recommend putting these warnings in an author's note and while posting on Tumblr. These are topics a lot of people want to avoid.

If a fic includes bashing of other characters, please tag accordingly as well. And, obviously, no Buck or Bobby bashing. (It would be preferable no bashing at all, but I'm not going to forbid or restrict you from writing it if you want to.)

No stealing, duh

I can't think of anything else, I try not to limit things. If you have a suggestion, let me know.

Do I have to sign up?

Nope. You can just post when it's time. Of course it's fun to let people know you're participating, but that's completely your own choice.

Can I be anonymous?

Sure! I do have to say a lot of people avoid anonymous fics because a lot of times they're very triggering or hateful to people. But if you don't feel comfortable using a username, it's a great way to still share your work. And I'm sure plenty of people still read anonymous fics.

Do I have to do all days?

Nope. While that is the most fun, if there's only one day you have time or inspiration for, that's amazing as well. You can skip days you don't want to do. It's completely up to you.

Is it limited to fics?

It's not! You can use any form of creativity. Think of:

Art

Playlist

Video edit

Picture edit

Moodboard

Podfic

Poetry

Anything else creative you can think of.

Is there a minimum or maximum word count?

Nope. No restrictions here either. This means you can also submit snippets. Or a full on novel with 100k+ words. Every number is allowed :)

How do I get it into the AO3 collection?

The collection isn't created yet and will be around a month before the event. Once it's created you can find the option 'post to collections / challenges' right underneath 'associations'. In this you search for the name, which I'll post on here once it's created. Once your fic is posted it'll be added to the collection.

I've never posted on AO3 before and don't know how.

I'm planning on making a quick tutorial soon, either on here or on @911buddieweek in which I'll explain the meanings of each parts, like ratings and warnings and the most used meanings behind them. Keep an eye out! If you want to know before I post, you can send me a message.

I have a different question

Don't be afraid to send an ask or message! I'll try to get back to you ASAP. I don't have tumblr notifications on, but I'm chronically online so I'll hopefully see it quickly. (I do like in Europe so if you're not European we might have a different timezone. But you can send it any time you want and I'll see it when I wake up.)

I hope this is enough info! And I'm very excited :)

[deepfriedpaddymayne]

GOD isn't it insane how paddy has this whole. unlovable renegade complex, which is subtle but very much There, and then he has not one but TWO whole characters whose main role in the story is just. being utterly smitten with him.

[livixbobbiex]

The use of the twilight aesthetic in Ace Attorney

This somehow started with me thinking about Miles and Phoenix being THE star crossed lovers, but now here we are with a whole essay (with actual citations. You're welcome.). TLDR: Miles and Phoenix pined so hard for each other that their spirits have broken through the veil of space and time. One of my favourite additions to the Ace Attorney 'lore' made by the anime comes in Season 2, Episode 6. The episode is Miles Edgeworth centric, showing how he first 'became a Von Karma' (in a sense), and Phoenix's attempts to contact him when they were both in middle school. The ending of the episode in particular has always stuck out to me.

Here we have Miles thinking about Phoenix, who had 'helped him' earlier by delivering a message to him through a radio show song dedication. The song ultimately gave Miles the evidence he needed to win an argument with a woman at the mall (and saved a dog in the process). As we can see, the scene is set at dusk, or twilight.

Although this is also a really beautiful image, 'twilight' is an incredibly profound and intentional choice.

Now, I will spare you an entire ramble about wabi-sabi as a Japanese aesthetic (you can use here as a starting point though). Basically all you need to know is that it is arguably the most important cultural aesthetic, and means something like the beauty of transience and imperfection.

Twilight, or tasokare (誰そ彼), can be seen through these transient aesthetics. It's something you see a lot in traditional waka poetry, but permeates today through literature and cinema.

"About dusk, we can say that the main feeling is that of the colour of darkness and night. However, twilight is not merely the colour of darkness nor the colour night. That said it is not only the colour of day, nor the colour of light…The world that exists in the instant where it turns from day into night, the boundary of the instant where it enters darkness from light, isn’t there that the twilight world is? …Entering darkness from light, night from day, during that instant there is a world with a peculiar essence and subtle colours, which is what I think is the twilight world."

Izumi Kyouka, 1996. Tasogare no Aji. In Izumi Kyouka, ed. Tomomi Matsumura, 243-44. Tokyo: Center for the Japanese books.

Basically, twilight is all about that transient moment where boundaries drop. Relatedly, there's a supernatural association with it, like the crossing of a veil where the restrictions of 'space' and 'time' can be lifted. Most famously, in terms of modern example of this, take the scene in Your Name.

Admittedly, Your Name is where I was able to find the most analysis. To be fair, it really is a beautiful scene.

In classical Japanese tasokare does not simply indicate the dusk as an in-between period transitioning from day to night, but also a hybrid moment in which visible entities become invisible and hidden presences momentarily reveal themselves. The anxiety of the encounters that take place during this liminal time is emphasised by the expression of surprise - "who is that!" (dare da, are ha 誰だ、あれは) - which constitutes the origin of this term. Therefore, in kimi no na ha, the transfers between the human spirits take place at night during the oneiric activities of the protagonists, but the possibility of a real encounter is limited to the ephemeral time of dusk.

Andrea Castiglioni, 2019. From Your Name to Shin-Gojira. In Spirits and Animism in Contemporary Japan: The Invisible Empire, ed. Fabio Rambelli, 173.

"Tasokare” means “Who’s in the gloom,” and it’s where the word “gloaming” comes from. You know what “the gloaming” is, right? It’s twilight, when it’s neither day nor night. When the world blurs and you might encounter something not quite human.

Your Name, 2016.

Now, I don't believe you can call this a trope that's exclusively romantic. Though, clearly, it lends itself to that. It certainly conjures the feeling of profound pining, with just a moment of relief (after all, stories of tragic love stories between manifestations of the day and night are common across the entire planet).

Anyway, I hope this explains why, in the Ace Attorney anime, Phoenix turns around and stares, bewildered, as if he actually heard Miles call out to him despite their physical distance.

Funnily enough, they're even under the polaris star, which is also a theme in Your Name. But anyway, yes indeed I think this scene can be taken as Miles and Phoenix pining so hard for each other that their spirits have broken through the veil of space and time.

It's also just really beautiful symbolism, even if it's not 'canon' to the games. Considering the anime also gave them the whole 'gold chains of fate' aesthetic.

[gay-dorito-dust]

Whoa you like Nuada too? I can’t pass this up! Can you please write Nuada with a reader who is cheerful individual? I like grumpy x sunshine ships 😆 I feel he wouldn’t know how to go about it and more confused when he falls for reader (Gender neutral pls)

Of course I like Nuada anon! How could I not?! I’d be ashamed of myself if I didn’t.🦦 also this is long as shit. I got carried away…no I won’t apologise.

Nuada first heard of you whilst being held captive at the BRPD through Nuala, whom had met you earlier that day through your mutual love of literature. And according to his sister you were a bright, bubbly, happy and warm individual who made her feel welcomed and included the moment she came to the Bureau; even going so far as to gift her with a poetry book with a cerulean blue cover.

It was actually a personal possession of yours but due to never haven gotten to read it, you had decided that it would serve Nuala far better than it ever did you. Nuala naturally refused to accept it but, you were persistent that she’d have it as you would rather have it be well loved and read than sitting on a cold, lonely shelf collecting dust.

‘They’re such a delight to talk to brother.’ Nuala began, clutching the poetry book with the cerulean cover close to her chest as though it were a priceless treasure, which to her it very much was.

‘They’re human dear sister, this persona they’ve put on is probably a trick, an illusions of sorts to lure you into a false sense of security.’ Nuada warns, not as trusting towards humanity as Nuala was. Giving? Warm? Welcoming? These were traits that the elven prince would’ve never associated with humans. Ever. It just sounded too far fetched to think that such a kindhearted and selfless person could ever have existed. Nuada only knew humanity for their glutinous greed, so such simple acts of kindness as gifting someone a poetry book, would do very little to change his perspective on the entirety of mankind.

Nuala frowns. ‘You haven’t even met them and yet you refuse to give them a fair chance. I understand your grievances towards humans but all I ask of you, dear brother, is that you learn to trust one, even if that one happens to be y/n.’ Nuala pleaded with Nuada, holding out on a spark of hope that with your influence, Nuada’s heart will no longer be veiled in shadows. Nuala truly believed that if anyone could come close to doing just that, it would be you, she just knew it.

Nuada merely scoffs at the notion his sister has in you being the one to unveil his heart of the pain and suffering. While he may have once bended to his twins every plea, this was one he could not find himself willingly doing so and the look upon Nuala’s face told him that she was very much made aware of that fact and wordlessly left.

Nuada wouldn’t get to experience you in your entirety until the BRPD decided that Nuada was trusted to head out on missions as your partner, they too also had some inclination that your bright and sweet persona would not only run off on Nuada but also soften his resolve against all of humanity; an request that would take a lot out of you.

‘You must be Prince Nuada. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name I’ve heard so much about.’ You said, barely able to contain your excitement at finally being given a partner. Sure the stories you’ve heard about the elven prince were…less then enlightening, framing him as an angry and vengeful being incapable of change, but the ones you’ve heard from Nuala however painted Nuada as a somewhat tragic figure.

‘I can’t remember the last time I saw my brother smile, if he even smiled at all.’ Nuala would say as a saddened look came across her face before she looked over at you when you abruptly grabbed her hand, face set in serious determination.

‘I’ll try and get him to smile more for you.’ You said.

‘It’s an impossible feat.’ Nuala counters but you weren’t having any of it.

‘Then I’ll just keep trying until I do, no matter how long that may take.’ You replied, staying strong to your conviction.

‘Why. Why would you go out of your way to do something for someone you barely even know?’ Nuala asked, feeling your strength, determination, heart and more theough just holding your hand alone. It was overwhelming of hoe bright you were that Nuala swore she would soon be blinded by your light alone, however it was because of your power of will that gave her hope, hope that you’ll might just do what she had long since believed to be impossible.

You merely smiled and relied with, ‘because even the strongest of us deserve to smile and like you said, you don’t remember the last time that you’ve seen your brother smile. So leave that to me and I promise to have Nuada smiling soon.’

And you always meant your promises. Always. What you wasn’t expecting was how handsome Nuada actually was. No one had bothered to tell you prior that your partner was a true beauty. A beauty with a piercing set of golden eyes and desirably soft, silky hair that fell past his shoulders in a platinum blonde waterfall. He held an air about him that made you both nervous and excited, however you had to quickly remind yourself that he wasn’t going to warm up to you nearly as quickly as you’d hoped.

Nuada on the other hand was immediately blindsided by your personality. It was so vibrant, colourful and filled to the brim with radiant life that he was certain that he looked rather dull and lifeless in comparison. It also looked as though his sister was right about many things in regard to your character, however that didn’t warrant Nuada to immediately start trusting you like she had wished for, after all you were still a human at the end of the day.

‘I’m-‘

‘Y/n. I’m aware.’ Nuada cuts you off abruptly before you could properly introduce yourself.

You made a face. ‘How-‘

‘My sister speaks highly of you,’ you began to smile at that but Nuada wasn’t finished, ‘but I have yet to witness what’s so special about you.’ You merely shrugged and answered with your entire chest. ‘You will soon enough. I promised your sister to get you to smile after all.’ Nuada’s brows raised at this but before he could get you to elaborate on that further, it was already time to head out for your first mission as a partnership.

Your first mission had turned out to be an avid success that it would only stand to reason to keep sending you and Nuada out as a team. You worked extremely well together and your fighting styles complement each others, while also concealing any weak spots that the other may have almost seamlessly. You and Nuada both complement missions in quick and swift succession. That was out in the field however, the way you acted towards Nuada afterwards made him feel a weird warmth within his chest.

You would often note of how Nuada fell a good distance behind everyone else after group missions, and so you would then fall to the back of the group also -not wanting him to be alone- before naturally falling into step with him, all the while still adhering to giving him his own personal space. You didn’t force a conversation with him like he expected you to, but instead allowed a calming silence to befall the pair of you as you headed home; Which was something he was oddly grateful to you for as he wasn’t that much of a conversationalist after battle.

However he couldn’t help but wonder why you were putting in so much effort into him. He hated your kind and yet you’ve treated him with nothing but respect and kindness. You didn’t push his boundaries, you didn’t overstay your welcome but even long after you left his side, Nauda could still feel your lingering warmth within every breeze that passed him by. Nuada just didn’t get why you were so hellbent on your promise to his sister, was it truly that important for you to help fulfil Nuala’s wish? And if so, what was it that she had said at the time for you that solidified your need to see it through film the end?

While Nuada had to admit, it was quite admirable that you kept to your word but some days he couldn’t help but question whether if that was your sole reason for sticking so close to him. Whether or not he’d ever confront you about it was his to debate upon later, but as for now he decided against it; His pride would never allow him to indulge in such thoughts and ideations that weren’t remotely relevant to hating humans.

Nuada had also noticed that after being your partner for a while, he had developed a need to protect you from all harm. At first he thought that if you died on a mission, the fault would fall onto him and he would be put back into confinement until further notice, but he soon learned that wasn’t actually the case; Far from it actually that he soon found himself sitting across from his sister to discuss about it.

‘Sounds like you have grown fond of y/n, brother.’ Nuala had said, smiling as she relishes in the times that Nuada obviously expressed interest in you without knowing it, but luckily that’s when the link they share makes situations like these a whole lot more simpler to navigate.

‘I merely find them more tolerable than others.’ Nuada defends, crossing his arms over his chest, still heavily in denial that anything he felt for you could possibly go beyond the realms of being cordial with one another. Yet that didn’t explain the sting in his chest whenever you were as joyful and excitable with anyone who wasn’t him, almost as though he wanted you to only beam that bright for him and him only.

‘Then why do you feel at peace with them near? Has their light finally unveiled your heart?’ Nuala asked and this time Nuada stayed silent for a longer period of time as he was beginning to realise that yes, you did infect have unveiled his heart from the shadows he cast over it. What scared him however was how you had done it. You constantly showed him patience during the times where he needed it, showed him understanding when he talked about his feelings, something he hadn’t done as much before meeting you; you even showed him solidarity for the times where he needed someone to stand by his side.

You had changed Nuada’s way of life in small but meaningful ways that there came a day where he starts to hate the fact that he had come this far without the gentle guidance of your voice for him to follow unto a better path. However despite acknowledging that you play a pivotal part in his current life, doesn’t mean that made Nuada’s understanding of his feelings any clearer than they were when he first discovered them.

‘They make me feel things I’d never thought I’d feel again Nuala.’ He began, knowing that whatever he said to his sister would be kept solely between them. ‘I’ve been lost admits my need for revenge that even the fluttering in my chest, or the warmth that reaches my cheeks feels foreign to me now.’ He adds, taking the time to remember the first time he felt something towards you that wasn’t explicit hatred for being human. ‘It feels as though I’m experiencing them for the first time and I can’t help but become addicted of sorts, that whenever they smile at me-‘

‘You hope that they smile at you like that forever.’ Nuala interrupts her brother softly, already quite well acquainted either that feeling from the times she felt Nuada’s emotions through the link.

‘Yes.’ Nuada said in an almost whisper. ‘I wish to be the reason y/n smiles as much as they are mine.’ Nuala couldn’t help but express her happiness for this new stage of Nuada’s life, all she wanted was for her brother to be happy and she was made even happier at the fact that it was you who made him the happiest he’s ever felt in a long time.

‘We shall get through this together brother.’ Nuala reassured, feeling her brothers’ still prevalent confusion, making Nuada look back at her, ‘then soon everything else will fall into place. You just have to put faith in the hope that y/n will be there to catch you when you fall.’

Nuada was still confused about everything but with hi sisters help, he hopes to surely get a clearer understanding of what he was currently feeling before confronting you about it.

[verdantwyrm]

i really love the comparison of curly to being a dog. he’s got a lot of the characteristics we associate with dogs and i think it’s interesting to think about how he’s docile with jimmy because jimmy trained him like how an owner trains their dog, but more confident in his role with the others. not that curly was a complete pushover but when jimmy did his emotional manipulation and abuse, curly is still loyal like a dog.

Dude don't even get me started on canine poetry and Curly. Dogs are loyal, they stay forever even if you don't want them to. I've mentioned previously before on how Jimcurly to me is extremely toxic and extremely onesided but to go into it any further, Curly is just a dog in that.

The hand that beats, also feeds. Curly loves unapologetically, and you can especially see this how much and how hard he tries to see the good in Jimmy and how long it takes for him to come to the conclusion that he's not who Curly thinks he is. Truly a situation of him thinking that Jimmy is just troubled, angry and frustrated but has a good heart at the end of it all, not understanding and not willing to accept thats false because it would be accepting the truth that he is beyond being anything good.

The lines "We're defined by our past, but not slaves to it" is greatly shown in how he feels about Jimmy, that he works hard to make sure that he isn't a slave to it. The job, the future, the companionship, the loyalty.

Dogs don't know bad from good, they only know their owner. And Jimmy has trained him well, to not bark, to not whine, to stay and to heel. Thats why he's so docile, why he doesn't immediately try to argue or fight he just fawns, he pleases and tries his best to mediate every situation, to de escalate because he truly wants to see the good in Jimmy. Its a real thing abusers do, they chip away at their victims confidence, their personality, their whole livelihood to make them completely dependent on the abuser so they can forever hold that above them, to stop them from ever running away.

Jimmy has most certainly twisted Curly into these vines and mess of feeling like he needs Jimmy in some way, he knows he's an ass he even tells Anya this, so what could possibly be keeping him so attatched to someone that does not deserve it? That deserves that kindness the least?

I feel like Curly and Jimmy's relationship was good at one point, maybe a long time ago Jimmy showed real promise, real love, real kindness, and then something just... changed, and Curly has been desperately trying to see that again, he knows its there, he just can't see it.

[prettysweetprettysweet]

i really do feel genuine queerness radiating from the narrative in Cherry Magic Thailand in a way that it might not have in other people's hands. the thing that truly roped me in from the beginning was how Karan's love for Achi, beyond the inherent goodness of it, also created a vast spectrum of negative emotion for Karan that most queer people could immediately recognize and sympathize with. specifically, how uniquely queer it is to have your love and attraction to someone be so closely married to terror at the thought of disgusting them that the concept and feeling of love is tainted for you in ways that it isn't for straight people.

i was hooked by episode 2 when Karan recognized that putting himself out there in even the smallest ways was causing Achi discomfort, and he resolved to just...settle. i can settle, i can settle, i don't need more than what we have right now. i won't make him any more uncomfortable than I already have. i'm being selfish, i need to retreat and keep a distance so he doesn't have to think about me when he doesn't want to, so he doesn't have to dwell on bad things.

he is so concerned with the thoughts and feelings of others that he constantly allows it to branch into self-denigration in relation to his queerness. like after he and Achi were forced to have physical contact by the party game, he's so preoccupied with Achi's fear and discomfort that one of the first things he says to him is "they shouldn't have made us play that game. what guy would be okay with kissing another guy?" and its like...Karan, you would! you would love to kiss the guy right next you and thats okay! to me it seemed like he was giving Achi a pass in case he was disgusted, like 'its okay if [my] queerness grossed you out just now.'

and as @poetry-protest-pornography pointed out here, Karan's confession of love is weighed down by so much negative emotion. right out of the gate, Karan is apologizing for having these types of thoughts and feelings about Achi, taking Achi's willingness over the past few weeks to get to know and be known by Karan as an act of charity, and apologizing for betraying his trust by wanting more. like, you gave me a good thing and i perverted it and made it bad. i'm so sorry.

this resonates with me so much because his internal dialogue was so similar to mine when i came out, but in the context of my relationship with my mother. in the months after i came out to her, every time i saw her i was looking for clues in her body language that confirmed my agonizing suspicion that she was disgusted by me. every time i saw her, my first thought would be 'she's thinking about it and she's disgusted with me, i'm gross to her.' and when i saw her minutely reacting to parts of my own body language that were too butch and masculine (that i hadn't really spent a lot of time thinking about prior to coming out), i vowed to start being more conscious of how i spoke and presented so that i wouldn't make her uncomfortable because i felt so, so bad about forcing her to associate me, her child, with something perverted and gross. Karan's instinct to be ashamed, apologetic, and remorseful for being himself and feeling his feelings makes this show so, so gay for me.

[light-of-delphi]

On Worshipping Lord Apollo;

I've decided to start a little series about the deities I worship, have worshipped, and will worship in the future. I've always found posts like these to be more helpful and, if I can help anyone, I think this is an amazing way to to so. In this post, I'm going to cover a lot, so buckle up! And I will make a master post for all of the posts I make in this series.

First up! Lord Apollo.

Hands down, he is the deity with whom I have the most experience and personal anecdotes. Apollo has been in my life since the very beginning. I go into a little bit more detail in this post, in which I detail how I view him as a worshipper, my patron, and a godspouse. For information's sake, however, I will try to keep this post a little bit more factual than UPG. UPG stands for "Unverified personal gnosis", which refers to a spiritual belief that stems from intuition or personal spiritual experience. So, while UPG may seem to line up with mythos or just "make sense" for the deity, it varies from practitioner to practitioner and from relationship to relationship. With that being said, I'll focus mostly on the facts with some little bit of advice thrown in from your older brother :)

Correspondences!

First, let's talk correspondences. Consider this a little cheat sheet if you will.

☀︎ You can refer to him by Apollo / Apollon, typically he will clarify which. Many regard him as "Lord Apollo/n", though it is fully dependent on your relationship with him. I drop the Lord unless I'm praying or invoking him, such is the nature of our relationship. For the sake of this post, I shall be referring to him formally as Lord Apollo.

☀︎ He has... a lot of epithets. You can view them here (theoi.com) if you'd like to see a full list.

☀︎ Apollo is typically associated with Sunday, and such is associated with the Sun.

☀︎ He has many sacred animals - The raven, dolphin, swan, mouse, and wolves.

☀︎ Tarot-wise, he is associated primarily, and most commonly, with The Sun. He has also been associated with The Star, though I do not see this one in many sources.

☀︎ He is the God of a plethora of things. The Sun (he is responsible for pulling it across the sky), Light, Poetry, Music, the arts, plague, prophecy, logic and reason, truth, beauty, agriculture, and archery. I am sure I'm missing things. And if you know other deities to be associated similarly, that is okay. Many Gods can share domains and rule over certain things.

☀︎ He is associated with the colors red, white, orange, yellow, and gold!

☀︎ Symbolically, he is related to the Sun, the Lyre, the Bow and Arrow, and the Laurel Wreath.

☀︎ For incense, he is linked to frankincense, myrrh, cypress, clove, cinnamon, and bay.

But that is a lot of correspondence. What can we do with these? Why, I'm glad you asked! With this list of correspondences, we can start to worship Apollo by the book. These would be some more traditional things that would assist you in learning what you want to offer him, what to associate with him, and what you should keep an eye out for. In a later section, I go over some familial ties that can prove useful as well.

Apollo, as an individual

Lord Apollo has typically been regarded as a "beginner deity." He is very easy to work with, incredibly receptive, and is universally known as being a little more laid back with things such as offerings, prayer, and worship. Though I've found all deities to be understanding of circumstance, there is no strict schedule unless you decide to adhere to one.

At the start of our relationship, I found Lord Apollo's energy to be rather bright. I was very new to picking up on spiritual energy and the metaphysical, so his energy felt very overbearing, and we did not spend much in-person time together because of this. He was understanding of my limitations, but he did not hesitate to push these limitations as much as he could for my personal development. This is something he continues to do to this day.

While he does tend to carry himself rather relaxed and carefree, he has no issue being serious and stern whenever needed. If there were signs he was sending me and I would intentionally ignore them because they pointed in directions I did not like, he would respond sternly and ferociously, forcing me to face the negative sooner or figuratively shoving my nose in the signs so I couldn't avoid it. If I needed to face a brutally honest truth, he had no issue being brutally honest. This makes sense, considering he is the God of Truth and Knowledge.

Lord Apollo is also very playful. He's easily excitable. He loves seeing the people he works with make good progress. And if you take a few steps back, depending on your relationship, he is absolutely there to catch you. He is reliable and present. Additionally, he likes attention. He absolutely adores being talked about, thought about, referenced, and thanked. He adores being said good morning to, or even just getting a wave. Some people regard such deities as "high maintenance", but I really just consider it part of his character.

You have every right to decline to work with a deity, by the way. Don't feel as though there's any obligation to work with every deity that is considered "of your skill level", as there is no such thing, and you should only work with a deity once you are ready. The Old Gods do not come with stats above their head and white text that says "PREFERRED LEVEL." They are Gods. You should not get involved with them if you do not feel ready. And even if you feel ready, there is no pressure to invite them into your life.

Worshipping Tips!

This one is a bit lengthy. Apollo, being one of the twelve Olympians, has a lot of lore surrounding him. But this gives us a lot to work with! You can devote time to him in a lot of ways. This involves worshipping or leaving offerings to his family!

His mother is Leto, his father is Zeus, and his twin sibling is Artemis. Familially, he is not married to anyone, but he has had a series of lovers. One account says he was, at one point, a lover to Hekate and together they had Skylla, a sea monster. Though this is unusual. He was said to be a lover to each of the Nine Muses but married none. He fell in love with a myriad of nymphs; Aethusa who birthed Eleuther, Akakallis who birthed him twins Philanderos and Philakides, Daphne who was turned into a laurel tree, and more. There's famously Hyacinthous, a prince, who was accidentally killed. Hymenaeus, another prince, and Cyparisus, another prince, who died of grief and was transformed into the cypress tree.

This gives us a whole lot to work with. Especially for offerings! You can leave him a lot of things:

☀︎ Cypress tree leaves or seeds. ☀︎ Bay leaves ☀︎ Laurel leaves ☀︎ Sun imagery - charms, pictures, drawings, anything. ☀︎ Crystals - Sunstone, citrine, tiger's eye, amber, bumblebee jasper, orange selenite, carnelian, and other yellow, red, or orange stones. ☀︎ Coffee, energy drinks, or anything with caffeine in it. ☀︎ Citrus! Oranges and lemons! Grapefruit! ☀︎ Flowers - Hyacinths, sunflowers, orange roses, larkspur/delphinium, palm, aloe, or any plant that reminds you of him. ☀︎ Instruments - String instruments are the main thing people offer, however you can offer him any instrument. ☀︎ Art - Things you made. Drawings, sculptures, compositions, poetry, paintings, song lyrics, photography, literally anything you made with your two hands.

In terms of what you can do to worship him, there are a few things you can do.

☀︎ Maintain your physical and mental health. Go to the gym, take your medicine, and positively affirm yourself. ☀︎ Sing for or with him. Play an instrument. Learn an instrument! ☀︎ Write short stories or poetry. ☀︎ Go outside and bask in the sun for a little while. ☀︎ Say Good Morning and Goodnight; Thank him for pulling the sun across the sky. ☀︎ Write about him. ☀︎ Draw him offerings, or draw in his honor. Create in his honor. ☀︎ Do a paint-and-sip class, or follow a Bob Ross tutorial. ☀︎ Pick up a new creative hobby. ☀︎ Volunteer at a local hospital or nursing home. ☀︎ Grow some of the plants that are sacred to him! ☀︎ Go to your local museum or art gallery. ☀︎ Support small artists! Support local artists! ☀︎ Create a hymn in his name and honor. ☀︎ Wear jewelry with his symbols on it. I wear a sun necklace! ☀︎ Wear perfumes or colognes that are citrus-scented or scented like any of his preferred incense.

At the end of the day, you can really do whatever you want for Lord Apollo if it reminds you of him. And you can give him whatever you want, so long as it reminds you of him. If you think that it may not mean anything to him, let me give you a bit of brotherly insight. Offerings were left for The Old Gods as a thank you. A form of appreciation for the divine from the physical, mortal plane. People left whatever they had. And if they had nothing, they would pray and hope to be heard. While offerings are not optional, remember that your words count, as well. Even if it seems small.

And if you have any questions, as usual, please ask!! I love talking about Apollo. Not only am I godspoused to him but he's one of my biggest hyperfixations and I absolutely love talking about him and spreading his teachings and information on him. So this is me begging you to ask me questions, ask me anything, literally anything in the comments or in my inbox I will eat it up. Maybe I'll open up a brotherly advice box or something. Non lo so, ma vedremo!

Blessed be, and may the sun be your guide! A domani!

[justsillymilo]

Hellenic Polytheism 101

Tips on How To Start Worshipping the Greek Gods!

!Disclaimer! I’ve only started practicing Hellenic polytheism a few months ago! I’m not a professional and while I will try my hardest I’m not gonna get everything right

To many, starting to worship the Greek gods can be daunting. You’ve probably heard a lot about them and maybe don’t know where to start—but never fear—your helpol big brother is here to help you!

Today, I’m going to go over what Hellenic polytheism is, well-known gods, common misconceptions, and some helpful tips! 

Before that though, I just want to reiterate that I am not a professional and have only started this journey a few months ago. It’s important to fact-check any information you receive to make sure it’s correct, even if it’s from a credible source. 

Alright, let’s start with what Hellenic Polytheism even is! To put it simply, Hellenic Polytheism refers to the religous practice of honoring the gods of ancient Greece. This religion has existed for a very long time but because of the introduction of Christianity the religion is not as big as it was before in ancient Greece. Though, in recent years, the religion has gained popularity and is steadily growing! 

Well-known gods: 

There are many gods in this religion including The Twelve Olympians, divinities and spirits of nature, underworld deities, and heroes. To keep this simple, I’m just going to talk about some of the 12 Olympians. 

The first and probably one of the most well-known gods is Zeus, the sky and thunder god and king of the gods on Mount Olympus-where he and the other 12 Olympians live.  

Apollo is the son of Zeus and Leto and the Greek god of the sun, light, prophecy, music, dance, plague, healing, poetry, archery, and much more. He is also the twin brother of Artemis the goddess of the hunt and the moon. He is often depicted beardless and often holding a lyre

Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, passion, and more! She is often associated with lust and fertility. In some myths, she is considered the daughter of Zeus and Dione. However, in other versions, she is said to have been born from seafoam, emerging fully formed from the sea. Her son Eros, the god of love, is a significant figure in many myths.

Hermes is the god of travel, herd, luck, speed, trade, and more! He is the son of Zeus and the Pleiad Maia. Hermes is also known to be the messenger god and quite mischievous 

Artemis, the twin sister of Apollo and the daughter of Zeus and Leto, is the goddess of the hunt, wild animals, nature, chastity, vegetation, childbirth, and the moon! She is often depicted with a bow and arrow and accompanied by an animal (usually a deer or sometimes hunting dogs) by her side. As one of the three virgin goddesses Artmis took a vow of chasity. Additionally, she is also the protector of childbirth of young children,  

Hera is the revered queen of the gods and the wife of Zeus. She is the goddess of family, marriage, childbirth and women. Known for her jealousy and vengeance, especially towards Zeus and his many lovers and their offspring. Her children are Ares, Hephaestus, and Hebe. Eileithyia is also sometimes considered to be one of Hera’s children. 

There are more Olympians but to keep this post short-ish I’m going to stop here. But I encourage you to do some independent research and look more into the gods! 

Common Misconceptions 

There are a lot of misconceptions about Hellenic Polytheism so I’m just going to go over some of them and clear things up! 

Myths:Myths are very misunderstood in the helpol community particularly when taken literally. The myths-crafted by ancient men, were never meant to be taken literally. We value myths because it’s a way to see how the gods were veiwed back then and worshipped. They’re also just fun to read! Think of it like fanfiction (if you’re into that sorta thing): you wouldn’t start hating a character in a show just because of how they were written in a fanfiction, that would be irrational. The myths are simply stories about the gods created by men of the past. The gods are not their myths!

Candle Divination: Candle divination is a form of divination that interprets a flame and it’s movements to communate and understand messages from the gods. But, this form of diviniation is unreliable and you will give you false signs and readings. It’s best to not use this method and stick to more reliable ones like, tarot, dice or oracle. I’ll talk more about divination and different methods in another post!

No sins: In Hellenic Polytheism the concept of sins actually doesn’t exist. While there are things you can do to offend the gods, a sincere apology should be enough for forgiveness-just don’t repeat the mistake again. The gods will not be angry if you can’t make an offering everyday, they will not be angry if you can’t talk to them everyday, they will not be angry if you make a mistake. The gods know that you are only a mortal and mortals make mistakes. So don’t sweat it

General Tips

First, if you are in a situation where you can’t make a physical altar, I recommend using a box, like a shoe box. You can add your offerings in this box and anything else you think the god you’re worshiping would like! Remember, you don’t have to make an altar if you don’t want to, alters are not requirements, just useful tools to have! Don’t feel pressured to make one especially if you’re unable to! The gods won’t be mad

Dive into plenty of books! Books offer a lot of useful information about the gods and are just a nice thing to invest in. I recommend reading Mythology by Edith Hamilton-It’s a great book that provides really fascinating and interesting information about the gods and their myths! 

If you’re unable to make an altar there are other ways to make offerings to the gods. One of these ways is devotional acts. For example, if you wanted to do a devotional act to, lets say Apollo, you could decide to practice singing for 30 minutes a day and dedicate it to Apollo. You could practice using songs about Apollo or just think of him while practicing! If you wanted to do a devotional act for Aphrodite you could dedicate a day to self-care and think about her while doing it! I’m sure you get the picture! 

Just saying good morning and goodnight to the god/dess you’re worshiping is a great way to connect with them. And thanking them if you see something associated to them is great as well. For example, if you were at the beach you could thank Poseiden for the beautiful waves, or if you were going for a walk you could thank Artemis for the beautiful nature you see. Just taking a little time out of your day to connect with the gods will go a long way when trying to build a relationship with them 

If your only goal in building a relationship with the gods is to ask for stuff, don’t even bother. When forming a relationship with the gods, it should not be driven by self-interest; the relationship should be mutually beneficial, a concept known as kharis in Hellenic polytheism (I’ll discuss this term in a future post). Remember the gods are not obligated to grant you anything if they don’t want to. While the relationship should be beneficial for both you and the deity, it’s not a transactional exchange. 

Your relationship with the gods may be different from someone else's, and that's perfectly okay! Just as your relationship with one friend group might differ from another, the gods are complex, and what works for one person may not work for you. It’s important to establish your boundaries with whichever deity you’re working with, just as you would in any other relationship!

I hope you found this helpful and that it gave you the confidence and information you need to start a relationship with the gods. Remember to be respectful, but remember to relax and enjoy the journey. The gods might seem a bit intimidating, but they are kind and will appreciate any new worshiper! Good luck on your journey

Xoxo Milo

[youcouldmakealife]

Stuff That Helps Me Write: Procrastination Busting (Novelty Edition)

So, last week I was talking about the interest based nervous system versus the importance based nervous system, and how people with interest based nervous systems are driven by urgency, novelty, challenge/competition, and interest, versus the more common importance based nervous system, which is driven by importance (to yourself or to others), rewards, and consequences.

I don’t know whether ADHD or autism has a larger impact on my life — they often impact different areas, and they frequently compensate for one another in the areas they do overlap, when they aren't forming an unlikely alliance hellbent on my destruction. But my writing process is 100% run by ADHD. So because these tips are the ones that work for me, and my writing process is, top to bottom, ADHD as fuck, they’re probably going to be pretty heavily slanted toward ADHD peeps, though of course YMMV.

Tackling novelty first, because, well, of course I am. This can also appear as ‘novelty/creativity’, but honestly, I think that’s a little redundant: doing, say, a creative version of a task is simply injecting novelty, and I think novelty is a much easier concept to understand for most people than creativity is. Novelty can be boiled down to single words we learn the meaning of at a young age (new! Different!), whereas creativity has fifteen different definitions, every single one of which might spark debate. So for our purposes, I’m sticking with just novelty.

Here are some ways I inject novelty into my writing process:

Roll the dice.

This doesn’t have to be dice, though the 20-sided ones are absolutely great for this. You can use decks of cards, random number generators, slips of paper, whatever — one of the best ways to make yourself do a bunch of shit you don’t actually want to is to attach those tasks to numbers (or colours, or suits, or whatever), and let fate decide. This can work in a lot of ways: you assign each task to a number, say, or you roll the dice on how long you have to work on it, or what order you’re doing them in, or whatever. I tend to be much more chill about doing a task when The Dice are the ones telling me to do it. It’s stupid. It works.

Roll the dice (pt 2)

This is also a fun way to create prompts: say each number is a character. You roll the dice: okay, I’ll write about David. Now I’ve associated the dice with a word, or a concept, or whatever. Okay, David and touch. Insta-prompt, no creative thinking required.

Prompts

Speaking of prompts and lack of creativity: I have tricked you all. Oh ho ho. You think you are getting a fill to a prompt you want to see (and, admittedly, you are, as long as I haven’t wandered off course, which cannot be guaranteed), but in return I am getting writing ideas without actually needing to have them! I don’t think I would be able to write 100+ stories a year if I had to think up every single idea myself, but if you outsource the creativity — well, win-win. Someone gets their prompt filled, and I get the spark of inspiration I need to fuel my writing.

Obviously this one needs to be adapted just a bit for other scenarios, but you can gather inspiring things (lines from books, poetry, lyrics, whatever) for future inspiration, you can look for online writing prompts or tell yourself you’ll write to fill a category (senses, say, or seasons, or elements, etc etc). Basically, if you don’t know what to do, forcing yourself to respond to a prompt, or follow a theme, often provides just enough constraints for creativity to happen.

When you’re stuck, move on to something else

It’s very common productivity advice to focus on just one thing and do it start to finish before you move on to the next. Don’t do it.* It’s a trap.

I do agree with the ‘one task only’ advice inasmuch as multi-tasking… doesn’t actually exist (if we’re talking something like ‘writing and listening to music’, or ‘doodling during a lecture’, that can go great, but that’s not really multitasking, so much as adding complementary stimulation. If you’re trying to, say, write an essay during a lecture, at least one (and probably both) of those tasks will suffer.) but beyond that, no.

It’s probably great advice if you’re neurotypical but I genuinely cannot think of a worse suggestion for anyone with low frustration tolerance and fucky dopamine. I hit an obstacle in that ‘just one thing’ I am doing? Cool, great, guess it’s time to stop doing it forever.

If you’re working on several different things (especially if those things use different skills and/or headspaces), when you get stuck on one, you can pivot to work on something else and let your subconscious do all that cool underrated stuff in the background, and maybe when you return to it you’ll have figured out a way around whatever your obstacle is. And even if you haven’t, at least your frustration tolerance will have been reset.

If the project you’re doing isn’t working for whatever reason, especially if you’re growing frustrated (nothing good ever follows after the point you snap at your blameless computer), do something else, and come back to it when you’re in a better headspace. Some things you have to muscle through for various reasons: say, you procrastinated on it and it’s due tomorrow. But most things you don’t. So don’t.

*I’ll straight up say I can ‘do just one thing’ for longer periods with less stress now that I’ve been medicated, but it was an awful, painful process when I wasn’t, so I still don’t really recommend it for those who have fucky dopamine.

Do! Multiple! Projects!

Yes, this can bring us to the ‘start 17 projects and finish none, don't you dare look at my WIP folder’ ADHD trap, but there’s a pretty good place between extremes. The main reason I work on multiple series at a time (plus outtakes!) is so that if I’m stuck on one, or it’s not inspiring me, or I’m just not in the right mood, I don’t have to stare at my blank screen feeling like a complete failure, I can just scoot on over to work on something else that's calling to me. Do I always do the most important thing? Or the one that’s due next? Or even the one I want to work on? Perhaps not, but I do spend the vast majority of my writing time actually writing, which is more than a lot of people can say.

It helps to have projects in different areas of your life and different stages of completion, for extra variety (and therefore novelty), just beware the ‘I have 5% left of this project to do, shouldn’t take more than 7 years’. When you do reach that final stage, that is when it’s a good idea to get laser focused on ‘just one thing’.**

**Big caveat with the above tips on NOT focusing on 'just one thing' is that I’m specifically referring to ‘typical’ tasks, not hyperfocus. If you’re hyperfocusing on something, and it’s not hurting you (ie keeping you from feeding yourself, basic self-care, sleeping, genuine obligations, etc), you ride that high as far as it takes you, baby. The ability get 5 days of work done in 5 laser focused hours would cost a fortune if they could replicate it, by all means use it to your advantage. But you do need to rest and recharge after: it drains the hell out of your mental resources and cannot be depended on indefinitely. It’s the very best tool in my toolbox. If I use it without allowing myself to recharge I will lose access to it indefinitely.

Change something about the process

It doesn’t need to be a big thing. I can switch from using my laptop to writing by hand. Or write in my bedroom rather than my office. A lot of my internal resistance to tasks is ‘this is boring’ — I’m lucky that doesn’t often happen with writing, because it’s inherently interesting to me, but sometimes you’re just stuck, and a change of scenery, of tools and equipment, of context (say, go write the POV of another character if you're stuck on a scene) is enough to shake the blah. I’m going to go into that in a lot more detail when I hit ‘interest’ and ‘challenge’ because those are both great things to inject when things have gone stale, but a lot of the time, it doesn’t matter what the change is: the fact there was a change is enough.

[guessimwritingficsagain]

Kintsugi (the golden roses will bloom prettily in the space between your ribs) Chapter One

Summary : You'd met Joel a year ago. Then you learn he and Tess are gone from the Boston QZ.

Warnings : Mature content, MDNI, rape attempt (not from Joel, though), pining, ANGST.

Tags : Just ask.

Chapter Two

———

You hear it first in the whispers around the QZ. You see it, then, in the way your associates Matthew avoids looking you in the eye. You walk to the apartment and it’s like there’s a ticking sound, the countdown of a bomb. You knock, once, twice. Wait. Repeat the motion. Once, twice. Wait. 

There’s the sound of footsteps, then. Not familiar ones. And a voice that drawls :

‘You waistin’ your time, sweetheart. Didn’t you hear ? They gone.’

You don’t turn to look at the man. You get down the stairs and into the street. 

———

The way you see it, there are two kinds of memories living in your mind : the ones you hold on to, and the ones that won’t go away. 

What went down the day of the outbreak wakes you up at night. Ten years old, at school. The way little Timmy launched at Travis and bit him right in the throat. 

You mother always said that as a woman it was better to be a rose disguised as a sunflower. Be pretty, hide your spikes, but always be ready to strike. Draw blood. She was dead when you got home that day. 

Sometimes you think about that other memory. You have a lot of memories with Joel Miller, but there is one you hold on to. One that keeps you up at night, cunt and heart aching. The memory of fingers in your hair, as you’re not quite awake, on an old couch. It’s just that : fingers in your hair, scratching your scalp, and the heat of his thigh right next to your head. Fingers halting and warmth leaving right before the door opened and the voice of Tess announced ‘come on, we need to go’. Sometimes you think it was all a dream. 

You met Tess before you met Joel. She’d trusted you to smuggle some pills for her when things almost went south. Almost, because you were, ever since you had to kill your pal Katie by repeatedly beating her skull with a chair, your arms heavy and aching with effort, a rose disguised as a sunflower. Things almost went south but you played the dumb little girl act - almost thirty years old, you were, but you’d learned that men would believe anything as long as that belief made them think they could advantage of you. You smuggled the pills, put a knife through the throat of a FEDRA soldier, and ended up at Tess’ place with a bloody nose and a top half ripped-off. Except it wasn’t Tess’ place only, and that’s when you met Joel Miller, almost a year before today, before you hear ‘You waistin’ your time, sweetheart. Didn’t you hear ? They gone.’. 

Poetry lies in the cracks of things broken, except, at the end of the world, there is no sweet, gorgeous, shiny gold to mend what’s damaged. You’d read it in a book, once, became obsessed with it, too - Kintsugi. You’d wished you could do that - as a hobby. Wished you could take broken pottery and fix it with liquid gold. Wished you could take your heart, your ribs, your everything, and fix that too. 

When you entered Tess’ place that day and met Joel Miller, he took one look at you as Tess muttered Christ, kid, you okay ?

You were not a kid. You were almost thirty and when you were ten you had killed your friend Katie with a chair, and then Travis, and then you had gone home to find the corpse of your mother and when the world hit you, you’d hit back but also you wanted to fix pottery with shiny gold and-

And Joel Miller grabbed your jaw, gentle but firm, and his other hand grabbed your arm, sat you down, and cleaned up your bloody nose. 

That’s how you met Joel Miller. Tall, broad, manly. Precise, careful, in his movements, as Tess asked about what happened. And then Tess, to him

‘We can trust her, she’s basically a wallflower. Very useful if you want things to go quietly.’

Not a wallflower, a sunflower, you wanted to answer. I love beautiful things and I love the sun and I love when life shines. But a wallflower you were considered, and a wallflower you became. And neither Tess nor Joel took the time to see the sunflower behind the wallflower. Nor the rose with spikes hidden behind. 

And Tess put a gentle hand on Joel Miller’s shoulder, squeezed as they looked at each other and you knew. You knew that grip on your jaw, that focused gaze on your face were all you were going to get. You were not one to fool yourself.

A wallflower you’d remain. 

And Joel Miller’s name would be yours to say in the quiet of the night, fingers in your cunt, when the darkness makes the world outside disappear. 

Not quite liquid gold fixing the breaks between your ribs, but enough. 

———

They made sense, Joel and Tess. Tess was stern, face hardened by years of struggling - that made her beautiful in a way you would never be because you’d learned to hide that part of you. She was glorious. Determined, strong, assertive. 

One day you stopped before knocking at her door because you heard-

You heard. 

Even the way she moaned was beautiful. 

So you turned back, found a guy, and brought him back home. 

You woke up to a furious pounding on your door and watched Joel throw the guy out, pants barely covering his dick, shoes in his hands. 

‘Where were you last night ? Why didn’t you show up ?’

You couldn’t exactly said that you’d shown up to hear Tess being fucked into the mattress so you settled with 

‘I got distracted.’

His hand grabbed your jaw, his eyes intense. 

‘Don’t. Don’t ever do that again. Ever.’

You could have said it, then. Could have said that he didn’t seem so worried when his cock was buried in Tess’ cunt. Couldn’t have been bothered to show up before the morning after. You said nothing. 

A wallflower indeed. 

And now-

Now. 

Now it’s been two days since you felt Joel’s fingers in your hair, as you were sleeping in their apartment. Two days since he stopped and got up before Tess walked in and said ‘come on, we need to go’. Two days of whispers and glances and maybe after learning they were gone, knowing they left, maybe you got drunk, and maybe a FEDRA soldier put his hand where it didn’t belong and whispered in your ear : 

‘They’re gone now, you’re all alone, little girl.’

And maybe you slit his throat. Maybe you slit his throat and then cut his dick off, for good mesure. Nobody would know for sure, because when they found the corpse in the morning, you were long gone. 

And with you, you took nothing, except the bone-crushing knowledge that even at the end of the world, heartbreak is still what hurts the most - not killing Katie, not your dead mother, not the twenty years fighting for your life - and no amount of burning liquid gold will ever fix the empty space where your heart should be. 

But maybe, 

Maybe, you think, as you walk through green pastures on a way to a mythical place called Jackson, maybe, one can be a sunflower and a rose at the same time.

Maybe you’ll kill if you have to, and maybe, if Jackson is real, you’ll spend your time fixing pottery with- maybe not gold, but with yourself. 

But as you approach the gates of Jackson, arms raised, slowly, saying 

‘I don’t mean any harm.’

You make a promise to yourself. 

And that promise is shaken to its core when the man in front of you - warm, familiar eyes - introduces himself as Tommy, Tommy Miller. 

But you make a promise. 

A sunflower. 

A rose. 

You’re gonna fix all the goddamn vases in this place. 

The golden roses will bloom prettily in the space between your ribs, and you’ll let them be beautiful, and you’ll let them draw blood, too.

———

Taglist

@pedritobalmando @amidjarin @ajeff855 @justpedropascal @sara-alonso @sarahjkl82-blog @amidjarin @sara-alonso@justpedropasc@mrsbentallmadge @farfromjustordinary @hnt-escape @kirsteng42

[honeycreammilkshake]

Fun fact, in chainsawman the protagonist pities one villain and eats them, later that villain reappears as a little kid

Gege is also friend of Fujimoto (chainsawman) I wonder if he will do the same for Jjk and have some kid sukuna appearing

Omg, anon! That's such an amazing idea.

Honestly, I really liked what was going on between Makima and Denji... and now that I think about it, it's because there are a lot of parallels between them and Sukuita.

To answer your ask, I wouldn't be surprised if we get a similar fate for our cursed boys. Reincarnation has been a very interesting theme in JJK, especially in the Culling Game arc and how cursed spirits can keep re-manifesting (like the csm devils do). And it makes me think it's a very viable option for both Sukuna and Yuuji.

This scene was heartbreaking because Sukuna chose death over love, but I don't think Yuuji's letting him go that easy. Even if Sukuna currently cannot come back as himself, there's a chance he might get reincarnated. Yuuji says "Let's try again" which could in fact refer to starting life all over again from the start. Either way, no matter what fate Sukuna is dealt, Yuuji is waiting with open arms to receive him. He is the only one who can and wants to live with Sukuna, after all.

But to bring it back to Makima and Denji, what I find really fascinating is their relationship even after Makima is revealed to be the Control Devil. During their last fight, Denji finally manages to overpower her. Despite everything, though, he was still in love with her... which is why he ate her.

He cannot forgive Makima for killing everyone else, but he does say he can share in her sins.

It's much like the scene between Sukuna and Yuuji, where Yuuji literally offers to bear the curse alongside Sukuna, to accept him and live with him even if no one else can.

Cannibalism as a form of love is a common theme in poetry (which is very fitting when you realize Sukuna is both a cannibal and poetry snob himself) and is also associated with the consumption of those you want to keep close to you as explored very well in Chainsaw Man.

So that's why I'm also wondering... maybe in the end Yuuji will ultimately force Sukuna back inside of him? If not reincarnation, there's also a chance that he'll do what he did at the start of this whole story and consume the curse of Sukuna again. It would be a very fitting and symbolic ending, one that perfectly reflects the beginning, and it makes sense that someone determined like Yuuji wouldn't take no as an answer to his offer of compassion.

It's clear to me that Yuuji cares about Sukuna. And he might just care enough to consume Sukuna and let him resurrect inside of Yuuji's body once more.

Thank you for sharing your amazing thoughts, anon <3

[2024-grimoire-challenge]

March Week 3 - Traditions, Associations, Tools and Symbols

This week we will have several new pages. One for a personal look at your practice given the above prompts, one for a family/ ancestral look at the prompts, and one for your community, no matter how big that community is. Whether that is just you and your immediate friends, or something wider like a coven or group you regularly talk to your about your practice.

This will be another week with a lot of stuff in the prompts!

Monday - Traditions

First lets define tradition.

noun: tradition

the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

a long-established custom or belief that has been passed on from one generation to another.

an artistic or literary method or style established by an artist, writer, or movement, and subsequently followed by others.

a doctrine believed to have divine authority though not in the scriptures.

Personal page - Take a look inward at yourself and your traditions, inside and outside of your witchcraft practice. What things do you do regularly, to keep your life and your habits on track? Your practice? How do you celebrate things both large and small? What are the traditions you hold personally in your life?

Family/ Ancestor page - Ask your family about these, beyond the ones you know. What are some of your family traditions? How does your family celebrate certain things, large and small? What meals are traditional to your family? Are there any prayers or actions of any kind that are passed down? Look deep and ask about your family further back than just the ones you've met.

Community page - Look at your community at large. Friend groups, a coven or other people who practice like you or with you, and the community you live in. What are some traditions that are held and passed down through generations within that larger community? Everything from celebrations to regularly held events and so on! How does it all relate to your practice or how has it become a part of it?

Tuesday -Associations/ Symbols

Personal page - What are some things you personally associate with yourself and your craft? Everything from foods, to plants, gems, animals, everything you associate with any part of your identity.

Family/ Ancestor page - What are some things from the list above that you associate with your family and your ancestors?

Community page - Same goes for your community. What associations do you hold for your community? We all feel a certain kind of way, and think about certain things when we think about our hometowns or the area in which we live. An example, I live in Ohio, so not so jokingly, there's a lot of corn here, a lot of farmland. That's something I associate with my community.

Wednesday - Tools

Personal page - What are some of the tools you personally use in your craft? It can be anything at all. An example from my practice is a small tin i keep on my altar, decorated with paint and symbols that I use as a sort of money offering tin. I put money in it regularly when I practice at my altar and use it to buy new things for my altar. Another is a round cylindrical tin I use to hold the small pages I've written my devotional poetry on. Anything that is specific to you and your practice.

Family/ Ancestor page - Same kind of deal as above, but on a broader scale, focused on your family and ancestry. What are some of the tools your family uses (both in and out of the traditions you've learned about). An example is my grandmother's piano. We use it as a focal point for a great many things. We come together at it to sing songs that remind us of our family.

Community page - Again, like the above, but focused on your community. A local fountain, or park, or place, a thing people in your community use for some sort of reason. There is a local park with a fountain that holds an important place in our community.

Thursday - A Little Treat

So for today, we're gonna have a bit of an offshoot. We're gonna get in the kitchen and cook! You don't have to do this one, but there's been a lot of stuff for the prompts this week, so let's treat ourselves while adding to our grimoires! Find some recipes!

Personal page - What's a recipe that you came up with on your own, pertaining to or not pertaining to your practice? If there is a certain food you like to cook before/ after spells or rituals, record it on your personal page. Then, go cook it! And enjoy!

Family/ Ancestor page - Ask your family if you want, and discover the recipe for something that has been passed down in your family. I will forever swear by my grandmother's potato soup recipe. Record it on this page, then make it!

Community page - Is there a local favorite spot? Is there a restaurant or place locally that you could visit and eat at? Or is there some sort of cuisine that is made locally and not really anywhere else? Record it if its something you can cook, and make it! If it is a place to visit, go there! And enjoy!

Friday - Back to the norm

Let's finish off the week with our regular research prompts!

New Page/ Research - Herbal research- Pick another herb from your list and learn all you can about it! Record it on a new page!

New Page/ Research - Gemstone/ other - Pick another gemstone or type of magic or tool, make a page or add the info to an existing page!

Whew! That was a lot! Feel free to share your recipes or pictures of what you cook, either by submissions on this page or by tagging me either here or at @thehazeldruid and I'll share what you've made!

Good luck and happy crafting witches!!

-Mod Hazel

[jaysdoodlehell]

3,9, 17, 22 and 27 for Starscream And 34, 16, 28 (about Soundwave) and 48 about your oc.

For 50 questions game.

Wooo thank you so much for the ask! It's gonna be the longest text post I've ever made, so buckle up!

>:3

For Starscream:

3. Obscure headcannon:

He is totally oblivious to any subtexts, thus often not being treated seriously. Now recall this scene when he tries to interogate Cliffjumper and Arcee. He thinks he's scary when he walks slowly next to the table filled with torture devices while touching them in the weirdest delicate/sensual way (cause he's like a sneak, right?) While it comes off a bit... well, I think there is a reason why most people on this hellsite call him per 'slut'... So yeah, he is just not aware of how you can interpret both his act and his looks. He genuinely thinks he's imposing and scary (it's also not as much a headcanon as my observation that no one else noticed. So either I'm delusional, or other ppl are purposefully ignoring it. But I don't have a lot headcanons cause I'm a canon connoisseur... so all my "headcanons" would be at best overanalysis of canon... with small exceptions)

9. Scene that made me love the character :

Oh, that will be hard, cause it was back in 2012/2013, so I would not remember exactly (I'm lost in the robo sauce for a long time). Over all, I'd say that it was not a specific scene, but the sum of all his appearances. But to narrow it down, I think that the rough path made me like him a lot more. The fact he was able to survive, kept going even when he got nothing, got robbed from essential organs, and still managed to prevail, and not only that, but actually succeeded in a task both factions with multiple well-trained and equipped personel just failed... I think his ability to manage stuff as well as his drive for survival and not giving up even on the shitiest task is what made me love him so much. Also, him being shown to be vulnerable in many ways. It gives the image of someone who went through a lot, and never gave up despite obvious traumas and harm that was done to him. I respect him for being so determined, and strong enough to push through in those moments. And as much as I think other characters may have even better mental strength, they were not shown in this exact way, and Starscream was, thus I think I like him so much.

17. Quotes, songs, poems I associate with them:

 I'm not really a poetry or quotes guy, but I can deliver some tracks :3

For sure Icarus by Starset, Madona by Era, Pteryla and Co-pathetic by Novo Amor, Children of the Sky by Imagine Dragons, Heavy Is the Crown by Linkin Park... and many more but this post is long enough as it is ;-;

22. Best physical feature:

Claws and how they correspond with his character. From often looking softer, moving slowly and fluently to just striking out of nowhere and piercing someone to death in seconds >:3

27. Their guilty pleasure:

Probably roleplaying as a royalty when no one's looking XD

Or watching human media for entertainment, even tho he hates humans, and treats them and their culture as inferior (like when he laughs at the monkey gif)

For Shadowground:

So, a little disclaimer. Shadow is based in an alternative timeline, where certain things had to be rewritten prior to the moment of his creation (an explosion in Shockwave's cloning facility). Everything after that has been changed completely - half of the season 3 and the movie just don't exsist in his timeline.

16. Deepest darkest secret they won't even admit to themselves:

In some way he has a lot of dark secrets, but not many are his own. It's connected to his abilities (which he's not very familiar with) but he has a way of obtaining secrets of others, and retaining them (it creates a lot of problems for everyone later, especially when he cannot yet control himself or any of his abilities). But yeah... the worst ones are of others. In this stage of the development he had no time to yet commit some serious atrocities.

28. How do they feel about Soundwave:

Shadow in general has a complicated relationship with Soundwave. At the beggining of his life (when he's stuck in his beast mode and no one knows he's sentient) he is afraid of him. Mainly because of a big misunderstanding that somehow Soundwave is a creature living in the walls of Nemesis. It was the time when he understood close to nothing, and saw some defence systems of the ship moving. Someone then mentioned it was Soundwave, and poor beast just thought that Soundwave is a turret system, living in the walls. When in reality Soundwave just turned on the system... Later on, Shadow even thinks that Laserbeak alone is Soundwave! There is just a lot of confusion around Soundwave's person because nobody explains things to Shadow, and he needs to navigate a lot on his own. It takes some time before he realises that this scary system in the walls is actually a bot.

Later as he develops more, he reaches the point where he admires Soundwave's abilities, and would love to learn from him, but there aren't many opportunities for that. He respects the communication chief a lot, but keeps his distance because he doesn't really want to disturb Soundwave's work. At the same time there is this sort of hostile struggle between them, as they are both keepers of opposing powers in the Decepticon cause (meaning Megatron and Starscream). They are kin in many ways and if they'd work together they'd be a total overkill, but the situation, certain stances, ideals, and moral compasses (or lack there of) makes a rift between them. Still, Shadow highly respects and appreciates Soundwave, as he is the most effective member of the cause. He kinda just apreciates him from far away, while keeping some grudges to himself.

34. How they react when they are feeling X emotion (sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.— can specify as many as you like):

You didn't specify which one, so I'd explain the general way he reacts to emotions. At the start he's stuck in his beast mode for a long time, so all emotions he feels are not mirrored by others or reacted to in any way, as others just don't really care about the feelings of some random creature, and they cannot really understand them. Only Predaking can understand some. Because of this, he has a certain freedom of expression and interpretation. No one cares if he is overly happy or sad, because they treat him as an animal. This changes however, when he transforms to his bot mode for the first time. Besides everyone having a very bad déjà vu of the same happening with Predaking, he is now treated as a bot, and a certain behaviour is expected from him. He suffers, having to tune down all his saturated feelings to the standards of the Decepticon cause, while not understanting what value comes from that. He learns to analyse the emotions of others rather than focusing on his own, but his reactions tend to be more honest, and he doesn't push his feelings down that much, especially later in his story when he starts to build his own view on the world, and makes peace with that.

48. Scariest moment of their life:

It comes much later in the overall plot. Being stranded alone on dead Cybertron, thinking that all others are dead, derived from any kind of sustenance... Lost and delirious from starvation, getting hallucinations going from worst mistakes and horrors of the past to the worst possible outcomes for the future, caused by an intense rumination, and his brain melting with too much informations from the surroundings. Also, hostile scraplets and rot being on the planet's surface... after all Cybertron post war is just a dead body left to rot for a long, long time...

Thank you so so much for the ask! I hope that the monstrously long reply is not too much XD

Ask game

[birdofdawning]

The Mind Readers

“Wait, so you can hear each other’s thoughts?” said Pete, looking over Artie’s shoulder on the Farnsworth screen.

“No!” said Myka.

“Yes,” said Helena. “Several voices, in Myka’s case. All rather critical of her, which I find sad. Is one of them your childhood piano teacher?”

“Helena...”

“Actually, it’s a very interesting experience, if rather an overwhelming one,” went on Helena, “I need merely mention, say, John Keats and I can ‘see’ (in my mind’s eye, you understand) a book of his poetry. It has a red binding and... ah, Myka is searching for quotes for an essay. I can actually read the poems! Your ability to recall detail is truly remarkable, Myka. She’s in university...”

“Helena!” hissed Myka furiously.

“... Oh, there’s a plan of the university in my head now. I could now find my way around the place without error—”

“HELENA, STOP!” said Myka, and Helena, jolting slightly at her voice, stopped.

“Yes, thank you Agent Wells,” said Artie, “If we can get on with—”

“College days, amiright?" interrupted Pete. “Away from home, staying up all night, making out with as many... Aw, but Mykes wouldn’t have had a boy-crazy phase, not around all those books—”

Myka reddened, and Helena said “Who’s Madeline Ferrero?”

“Nobody!” said Myka too quickly

“Oh, she’s lovely!” said Helena. “That skin—! And lovely brown eyes.”

Pete almost pushed Artie off the Farnsworth’s screen. “Wait, what!? College Myka was makin' it with girls!? Mykes! Although now I think about I guess it makes a lot of—”

“PETE!” said Myka.

“No, I don’t think so.” said Helena, disappointed. “I think Myka just sat behind her in... a law lecture, perhaps? Yes. And looked at her. Quite often. Did you ever actually speak to her?” she asked. Myka’s head was now in her hands. “She didn’t,” reported Helena. “Oh, but she knew Madeline’s schedule though! When she had lunch, when—”

“Yes, well as interesting as this all is IF WE CAN GET BACK TO OUR ACTUAL JOBS NOW” said Artie, pointedly turning his Farnsworth away from Pete.

Myka dropped her hands and sat up. "Thank you."

“Wait,” said Helena, holding up a hand, “Did your father really say those horrible things about your admiration of Madeline? Or is that... Oh, it’s your father in your head.”

“Her what where now?” said Pete’s voice.

“She has her father constantly commenting on her in her head. What an unpleasant man. Myka, you know none of that is true, don’t you?”

Myka gritted her teeth. “Please, everyone, can we leave my mind alone and get back to the artifact?”

“Who’s James Thurber?” asked Helena. “Oh, I see. Word association. And, of course,” she added hastily as she took in her partner’s expression, “Myka is quite correct: we ought to concentrate on fixing this. As fascinating an experience as it is.”

“Yes, children, the potentially very dangerous device,” said Artie. “The one that will probably kill you if we don’t identify it. That one. Myka, you said you were each in contact with the coils—”

“Wait, wait, so Mykes, can you hear H.G?” asked Pete, popping up on the screen behind Artie again. “What’s her mind like? Hot? Is it hot?”

“No! I mean, no, I can’t hear H.G,” said Myka. “Or... I can’t hear her voice in my mind or see what she’s thinking about... I’m not sure she thinks in images... but her mind’s a.. a kaleidoscope of ideas, all coming and going and changing really fast. Each idea she has seems to branch into five more, or turn into mist before I can grasp it, and it’s, it's like I’m having the ideas and, um, it’s a lot actually.” She rubbed her temples. “Can you just stop thinking for a moment!” she pleaded, "Or just stick to one thing..." Suddenly intent, Myka pointed a finger at Helena. “Okay, don’t think about an elephant!”

Helena looked startled. “Alright.”

There was a pause then Myka gaped. “How are you doing that!?”

“Doing what?”

“Not thinking about an elephant!”

Helena gasped at the injustice. “You told me not to think of an elephant!”

“Yes! Because you’re supposed to... Alright then, do think of an elephant!”

They stared at each other. “But that's not an elephant, that’s just a list of facts about elephants!” said Myka in despair.

“We can’t all conjure up every memory like we're there again,” said Helena. “Oh, Myka went on an elephant ride when she was nine! Where were you? Ah, at the Denver zoo. And look at... is that Tracy? What a darling dress— Oh, do hush up Artie.”

Artie managed to look even more exasperated. “I haven’t managed to get a word into this innane—”

“Not you, Artie-in-Myka’s-head. He’s getting impatient and making Myka anxious.”

Artie brought his face very close to the screen. “Well good for Artie-in-Myka’s-head. He sounds like my sort of guy. I should give him a job”

“Yes, wouldn't that be lovely,” said Helena, “But let us consider this machine.”

Myka had begun cradling her head. “You've started doing it again. Examining the problem. How can you live with all this... chaos? I can't keep up.” she muttered.

Helena patted her shoulder. “Poor Myka. I promise we’ll work this out. I suppose my mind is rather magnificent, it must be quite overwhelming for you.”

Myka bristled, opening her mouth to retort, then stilled. “Oh! She has a theory. (Well, three theories so far, but this is her best guess because of the late-Nineteenth Century design of the machine)... ”

“Artie, have you heard of Andrew Webber?” asked Helena.

“Webber!” Artie became more animated. “Yes, that makes sense! He was a disciple of Carl Von Reichenbach, who first proposed the theory of the odic force—”

“A mystical energy that animates all living things?” said Myka frowning at Helena, “Really?”

“No! I don’t know! It wasn’t my theory!” protested Helena.

“Animates living things, and causes phenomena such as hypnotism and thought transference!” went on Artie, ignoring them. “Webber built several machines in an attempt to channel and store the odic force. This may very well be one of them.”

“I have some... I mean Helena has... six... seven different ideas as to how we could reverse the effect. Eight ideas HELENA THAT ONE WILL ABSOLUTELY GET YOU KILLED.”

“Please stop that,” said Helena wearily.

“Good," said Artie, "See what you can do. I’ll start looking into—”

Myka gasped and pointed a finger at Helena. “She wants to take the machine apart once we get it back to the Warehouse! She was going to offer to do the paperwork and then work on the machine overnight!”

Helena rolled her eyes. “Well, I was assuming we would want to know—”

“That’s a lie! She was about to lie!”

Helena narrowed her eyes and glared at Myka.

“It’s gone all quiet in there now,” reported Myka.

“Hey H.G, don’t think about making out with Mykes!” called Pete from somewhere beyond Artie's shoulder.

"Very well then, I shan't," said Helena smugly.

Even with the sepia tones of the Farnsworth screen Myka’s sudden flush was obvious, and Helena brightened up. “Oho!” she said, “Well! I shan't! Yes, what a wonderfully vivid imagination—!”

“Right, goodbye.” said Artie and the Farnsworth went blank.

Silly stuff based on the B&W discord conversation tonight, about how people think differently from each other without realising it.

[acrystalwitch]

(From research but also from my own workings with him. This isn’t meant to be strictly historical this is more for pagans wanting to work with him. There will be a lot of UPG or SPG)

Anubis/Anpu/Inpu/Inpw (and some other spellings depending on where you look) :

-He is the jackal headed Egyptian god of mummification, funerary rites and a fierce protector of tombs and places where people are buried.

- a lot of stories have him as either the son of Nephthys and Set or the son of Nephthys and Osiris. I personally go by the mythology where he is the son of Osiris, then taken in by Aset and raised as an adopted son after the death of Osiris. He is fiercely loyal to his adopted mother and his father. As well as supportive of his half brother Horus (Heru-sa-Aset)

What working with him is like

-He is a sort of Psychopomp deity for dead souls. Also in my experience can help bring you into meditations with other spirits safety (he’s guided me to a few of the other deities I work with now)

- He is a fierce protector. Big guard dog energy. Doesn’t usually have a huge temper until something threatens him or a follower of his.

-Most of the time he’s a very calm and patient deity. He will give space when you need it, and also be around when you need him too. He tends to put in the effort that you do. But if you can’t put in much effort he’s patient (just quieter maybe if you’ve backed away from him first)

- He is usually the first one to jump in to help when I’m going through something emotionally rough. It could be because he is my patron but I do feel like he is the type of deity to want to be there for, and comfort his followers/devotees.

Offerings for Anubis

(These are the personal ones I use because they work for my own practice and lifestyle- feel free to share any of your own!)

Crystals

- tigers eye

- obsidian

- onyx

- jet

- lapis lazuli

- red/brown goldstone

- labradorite

- Dalmatian jasper

Incense

- frankincense

- Egyptian musk scents

- Sandlewood

- Myrrh

- Tobacco

Food offerings

- Dark chocolate

- dark bread

- red wine

- water

Other physical offerings/associations

- dog statues/imagery

- ankhs

- wooden things/wood carvings

- jewelry with gold on it

- keys

- black candles

- gold candles

- brown candles

- the death tarot card

- the hanged man tarot card

- the emperor tarot card

Devotional offerings

- self care

- taking care of your own dog/a dog

- volunteer at dog shelters

- donate to animal shelters/rescues

- learn about him

- learn about the history of the pyramids and mummification

- draw him

- write poetry for him

- play music/dance/sing for him

How to know if he’s reaching out to you?

Best way to know is to confirm by tarot or your clairsenses if you have any. Or candle flame reading/other forms of divination.

If you’re looking for signs he’s popping up (this is rather morbid but so it goes with the god of mummification and decay) he tends to send roadkill to me. If you see a lot of extra roadkill on a drive to work/a regular route that isn’t usually there. That could be a sign. (I like to ask him to help guide their souls somewhere nice whenever I see roadkill)

I think he’s an excellent deity for beginners and if you feel called to him I’d say go for it! I started with a simple candle dedicated to him and went from there!

[areyougonnabe]

could you explain marie nelson to me... i know that he's tragic and also a misogynist and that's kind of all

well you've got the basics but let's get into the details [cracks knuckles]

edward william nelson was the shore party's biologist, counterpart of lillie who stayed on the ship. like lillie he had been educated at cambridge, however unlike lillie who barely scraped a degree in the end, nelson dropped out lol. he went to work at the plymouth marine biological association, which is where he was when he was hired by wilson (presumably via cambridge connections) for the expedition.

he wasn't as rich as cherry or oates but he came from a landed gentry background, his maternal grandfather was a major landowner in the shetlands in scotland and was, if you believe this random page on the internet, descended directly from King James V of scotland... and his dad was a big deal microscope guy.

anyway by the time nelson was on the expedition his initial nickname was "The Immaculate One" because he was (at first) always wearing a clean collar, and then at some point he became almost universally known as "Marie," short for "Marie Ducas" or "du Car" which nobody ever bothers to explain.

sometimes he was also known as "Antonio" or "Brontë" (that last being a reference to Lord Nelson) and griff often called him "Marie du Car Bronte Antonio Nelson" or another combination of multiple names.

silas wrote in his diary that he "had a taste for gin and bridge" and lots of people remarked on how he wouldn't get out of bed in a timely fashion and was always late to breakfast.

he was kind of seen as dissolute in general or a bit of a slacker. kathleen scott remarked at one point that he "spends all his time on shore being a man about town, which makes him look exceedingly tired" but really i think that was just how his face naturally looked.....

his job at Cape Evans was overseeing his Biological Hole (that's what he's doing in the pic up top) and identifying new antarctic species, taking temperatures, and measuring currents. he had a telephone wire run out to the little igloo he built on the sea ice, and often had company in the form of griff or cherry or whoever wanted to help him keep the ice open and unfrozen at the hole.

he did plenty of science, but that kind of fades into the background in the diaries because most people if they're talking about him at all are mainly giving a running commentary on how much he liked to argue.

his main axe to grind was women's rights... griff seemed to take great joy in calling him a "miserable, cynical reactionary" and goading him into arguments which sometimes descended into pitched physical battle.

from griff's diary, may 30 1911:

Marie Deb & I had a frightful cag in our boudoir about Women’s Suffrage. He is engaged & declares if his wife wanted to exercise her vote (even if she gets one) he will lock her up!

november 3 1911:

We have great cags at meals now. Simpson Deb & I are progressives & Liberals. Nelson is a thorough Reactionary Conservative especially re women & vote & education. However as he said he wished he were a woman (with £500 a year income) we guessed he was abnormal!

nelson probably did the least sledging out of anyone during the first year, not going on a single long-haul trip (even simpson went out on a short spring journey). he mostly just hung out at his igloo i guess? and got really into calculating navigation for fun. also apparently he was the best at chess in the whole hut.

he stayed on for the second year, and did go out sledging on the Search Journey:

there is some great stuff about his midnight poetry and weird moon obsession during the second winter in @worstjourney's very good post here.

i'll also add that it was pretty harsh on everyone else to have Maximum Marie Exposure with no tempering force of griff to allay it.

nelson did contribute heavily to the much-reduced and mildly pathetic Volume IV of the South Polar Times, which featured griff's offcuts from the prior year, deb's illustrations, and poems from nelson including a parody of walt whitman about billiards:

This is the song of billiards:- The tight stretched cloth of green, the serried arches, The cue - faking the cue, the protests from the players, The pyramid, the British Pluck, the Chinese fluke, The click of striking balls, the rattle in the ditch, the grin of joy.

most of the expedition scientists went home on steamers from NZ, but both nelson and lillie stayed on the terra nova as she took the long way round cape horn, in order to do more trawls and marine science.

nelson also took a job as second mate—it was definitely unusual for a scientists with zero navy/sailing experience (except the voyage down) to suddenly become an officer of the watch, but pennell trusted him, and seemingly that trust was not misplaced, as pennell wrote in his diary about how well he took to the job, and to atkinson about how he was by "far & away the most brainy person in the ship."

he got married to the woman he had been engaged to, violet thomas, after returning from the expedition. their only child, a daughter, was born in 1915, but by then he was serving in the royal naval division at gallipoli and then france. his war story is straight up wild and i recommend reading from ice floes to battlefields by anne strathie if you want aaalll the deets. but basically he saw a lot of action, served alongside rupert brooke (among other notables) and came out the other side relatively unharmed... physically.........

after the war he went back to the plymouth marine lab, and was supposed to be working on expedition results, but didn't do much of that.

in 1921 he left his family in plymouth to take a job in scotland working in a lab for the fishing industry, and in 1923 his wife successfully sued for "restitution of conjugal rights" which basically means the court ordered him to return to her....

but that did not end the way she wanted 🙃

shit was sad... he was found with poison injected directly into his leg.

i think there must have been a specific legal reason why the death was declared an accident—maybe something to do with receipt of military pension for the widow? but it obviously was very much on purpose. for whatever reason the thought of having to live with his wife again was so intolerable to him that death was preferable.

so thus ends the Ballad Of Marie Nelson.... here is what deb had to say about him and lillie in 1927, writing to JJ Kinsey:

You heard of Marie Nelson's tragic end no doubt, but I'm inclined to think it was as well. Poor old Lillie is in less happy circumstances, the last I heard of him was that he was never likely to get out of Bedlam, a rather ghastly end up to poor old "Ooze's" brilliant promise.

but much like lillie, nelson's end can't be blamed on his experience in the antarctic as it seems he was relatively content there. occam's razor dictates that A) he clearly had Problems before and B) wartime trauma made those problems worse.

the tragic sequel to this tragic story is the fact that his daughter, barbara, was 93 when she went on a cruise to antarctica to visit Cape Evans and see her father's laboratory... but she died of a fall while on the ship during a storm before they had even gotten there :(