#i just. dont want to hurt anymore

[semiotomatics]

figured out why my ankle hurt so much

fuckin. sciatica

[coolnonsenseworld]

I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care. It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.

As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

the perched king / tigerstar I

[hellfire--cult]

Does someone know a way to like, go back to how I was feeling with stranger things in 2022? I wish I could erase my memory to watch it all, all over again and feel like that once more. Is that so much to ask for?

[theaccidentfactory]

I just don't understand how my mom had me, her oldest and first child, raised me for 18 years (kind of?), and then chose some guy she barely knows and is objectively terrible over me and kicked me out unexpectedly after telling me I'm no longer a part of her family and all my childhood trauma (that HER at the time husband caused) was my fault. And now she's banned me from seeing my siblings that I RAISED (because she wasn't able to at the time.), she refused to answer my phone calls or texts when I was in the hospital, terrified, crying and begging her to come help or support me because I was completely alone in the hospital in the worst pain in my life and just wanted my mom, and on top of everything, made it clear I'm not invited to family thanksgiving. I don't understand. How is she even able to do that. I don't need her, I'm an adult, but I'm still her child. I don't think I'll ever understand.

[queermania]

why am i not writing thinkpieces on the genocide happening in gaza despite not being palestinian, not being an expert in any field even remotely related to what's happening, and not being a journalist of any kind? well this might sound crazy but i figured donating my money to esims/relief efforts and using my time to contact my representatives might be more effective than just making sure everyone knew my uneducated thoughts on the matter. sometimes knowing when to shut the fuck up and not spreading a bunch of misinformation is actually a virtue.

i'm trying not to be uspet about things like this message because i know they come from a place of grief and a feeling of helplessness. this genocide has been going on for a long time and it often feels like nobody cares anymore, if they ever did, but somebody feeling grief over another tragedy doesn't diminish what they feel about palestine or what they're doing about it.

i could perform outrage and anguish on social media for you all day but that wouldn't get any of us anywhere. and i'm not saying that you're not allowed to express you anger or even that you shouldn't. i'm saying that i don't personally find it constructive, for me. all it leads to is spirals and traps that just leave me incapacitated and useless. i would rather do something tangible.

and that is different from the grief i feel over this singular event of a popstar passing away. there is nothing tangible i can do about it or even that i would if i could but that doesn't mean i don't have feelings about it, especially because of how close to home it hits, which is really what i was talking about in my post.

so i am sorry that you are in pain. and i'm sorry that it's so overwhelming that you don't feel like it's possible to hold space for anything else at the same time. but i can. and i am choosing to deal with my grief for these two things in different ways because they are very different things.

[puppyeared]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[romance-rambles]

spirit world alkaid | the one i can hold

How were you to know the answer you gave him that night would take on a different meaning in the future?

1.3k, heavy(!!) route spoilers, fluff and angst, reader is mc, series: as the months go by

YOU MUST BE IN THE middle of a dream.

Two Alkaids watch you, lovely green eyes glimmering with faint amusement and concern. Neither of them have deigned to answer your question, and isn't that how most of your dreams go?

You've never had one like this before though...

The smile on his face inspires your thoughts to go down an entirely unhelpful route. This was the reason you'd been drinking in the first place. After all, you have a home to return to and the people who care about you are probably worried.

In the exact same way you'd been fretting over the Alkaid—Alkaids?—in front of you. He'd been gone for most of the day, busy with important currently-not-a-Spirit-Lord matters, and—wait.

Where was the second Alkaid hiding this entire time?

A frown tugs at your lips. You're not sure if you like this dream...

"Well then, which one do you like better?" the Alkaids ask, cutting through your thoughts.

They tilt their heads in curiosity, as if the answer isn't obvious. You don't even have to ponder the question. Alkaid is Alkaid, and the second Alkaid is Alkaid too.

The answer is both, obviously.

And, as it turns out, alcohol has ridden you of your weakness. Neither your hesitation, nor your embarrassment are available to talk you down from whatever it is you intend to do to hammer that message in.

You stumble out of the porch swing he'd crafted for you, in the same way he'd once crafted—or, rather, will craft in the future—a canopied hammock, jug still in one hand and your other one aiming for one of the Alkaid's hands.

It passes through his blurry image with ease.

As you blink at your hand, confused gaze tracing the lines on your palm, a scowl begins to form on your lips. Frustration begins to build, leaving your brain to feel as though it's being squeezed behind your forehead.

Once more, you reach for his hand.

Once more, the same Alkaid does not allow you to hold it.

Instead, they both chuckle softly. No matter how many times he invokes his spell, you can't see yourself ever not falling for it—hook, line, and sinker. Your indignation is now no more than a faint memory; and what's left of it is overwhelmed by the longing and desire that, all this time, you've been too afraid to put a name on.

Somehow, you are no longer afraid.

Lips parting, you watch him—both of them—reach out his hand.

This time, you can clearly feel his warmth. He laces his fingers together with yours and gently squeezes your hand. You return the favor, wondering if it's enough to make him understand—love is its name, and it leaves your heart beating loudly only for him.

Oh, you realize, he's real.

"Well?" he whispers, his gaze tender and loving.

Your gaze drops down to his soft lips, almost instinctively. It's infectious—his smile. Perhaps some of your self-restraint remains; you don't indulge in the first thought that pops into your mind. The lingering bruise on your pride, you think, probably plays a part in that too.

As your lips curl into its mirror image, you look back into his tranquil green eyes instead. The other Alkaid remains, still visible in the corners of your alcohol-fueled vision. He watches you rethink your decision with that same smile.

It irks you enough that any pain you derive from not choosing him transforms into self-satisfaction.

"The one...I can hold," you declare, pressing your forehead against Alkaid's. The tangible one, whose eyes widen slightly at your actions. "That's...the one I like."

You have your other arm thrown over his shoulder. If the jug of win in your hand bothers him, he doesn't mention it. Rather, it is only when your hand finds a comfortable place to rest and the jug stops bumping into his back that he inhales sharply.

That one, you fear, is on him. His skin feels much cooler than your hand, your tight grip on the jug's handle having left it warmer than usual. It's a first—usually, the opposite tends to hold true.

"Your hand's warm," he says, closing his eyes. "I wonder...does this mean you don't need me to warm it up anymore?"

"No!"

You pull away, distraught. The jug of wine bumps into his shoulder. In your rush to chide him for playing with your feelings, you miss the reddish hue his antlers have taken on.

Alkaid chuckles warmly, transferring some of his warmth to your hand before he allows you to fully slip away. "Alright, I'm sorry."

He says your name adoringly, in the way you've heard lovers speak of each other. The hint of mischief in his gaze as he pleads innocently for your forgiveness should have you turning your nose up at him.

"Will you forgive me?" he asks, watching you cross your arms.

You both know what the answer to that is. Still, you keep your silence.

On a nearby tree, some of the light pink flowers transform into a bright red fruit. At Alkaid's silent command, a vine reaches out and carefully plucks out an apple. But instead of offering it to you, it leaves the fruit in Alkaid's waiting hand.

"I'm sure you haven't had anything to eat." He offers you the fruit, stifling a laugh at your miffed expression. "For you. Please?"

"I haven't...forgiven you yet." Despite your words, you still take a bite of the apple. It's sweet, though you find its taste difficult to savor when the man in front of you is much sweeter. "But since...you said please..."

His softly smiling expression doesn't change at your words. You find its much harder to tease him these days—especially when his blunt but earnest tendencies tend to put you on the losing side.

"I'm afraid that leaves me with a problem," he says. "I don't want the woman—the woman I care about to be mad at me."

You consider his words for a moment. Not the content, but the way he stumbled over his words, changing course to an entirely different phrase. There are only so many phrases that can be said with that same intensity—like a secret confession, hidden amongst the most ordinary of words.

You want to tell him that the woman I love has a better ring to it. You want to tell him you'll stay—for him. For them.

"I can...think of something," you whisper, tightening your grasp on the once bitten apple. "Stay with me...forever."

And I'll stay with you.

Surprise blooms across his expression. Along with it comes the scarlet hue that colors his cheeks, the one you never seem to be able to mimic in your paintings. He reaches out and caresses your hair.

Your disappointment at his perceived cowardice is brief and easily brushed away.

"I will." Alkaid vows softly.

You believe him.

YOU MUST BE IN THE middle of a dream.

Alkaid watches you from the steps on the porch, lovely green eyes glimmering with sadness. Adorning one of his antlers is starlight given a mortal form, the very same flower from which you'd attempted to make a garland for him. His smile betrays nothing of the fact that he broke his promise.

He says your name and then—

"You like that porch swing a lot. I'm glad."

This is how a lot of your dreams start out these days.

You tighten your grip on the vines that hold up your porch swing. By now, you've given up on any pleasantries—and on shooing him away, or walking away yourself. He always comes back the next day. He always wears that flower.

You are always sitting here, even though you've long since moved back to the world you once called home. The heart wants what the heart wants, doesn't it?

And though you can no longer hold him, your heart still only wants him.

"Stay with me," you say, as always, your voice just barely above a whisper.

And, as he always does, Alkaid vows softly, "I will."

You've long since stopped believing him.

[reeama-the-mage]

The difference between the tragedy of Edwin's and Charles' lives and deaths and what makes Charles' much more compelling to me is that Edwin never had anyone he could trust: he grew up with distant parents who i imagine he saw rarely and could not confide in, then he went to school and was immediately recognized as other in a way he had not fully realized of himself yet and was killed for it, and then comes hell and well who can u trust in hell? Certainly not the things that chase you until your legs ache, and even if your compatriots in the whole ordeal are as innocent as you, trapped in the same technicality, what is the good of trusting them, when they are just as helpless as you?

But Charles? Everyone Charles was supposed to trust betrayed him. His parents were close to him, atleast somewhat, atleast his father was around enough to get sick of hearing owner of a lonely heart, and his mother was around enough to watch his father beat him and be silently horrified and ultimately not do anything about it, maybe she stepped in once and we just never saw it, but I wouldn't bet on it, Charles' mom is 'quiet' that's her defining feature to Charles not protective or gentle just 'quiet', then Charles gets to school and he is popular he has friends! He has people who care for him (or should maybe, as long as he's good at sports like he's needed to be) and then he stands up for one person, because he has always wanted to be good and maybe he trusts himself to do it just this once and his friends kill him and his own actions signed the death warrant and he cannot even trust himself to do the right thing properly (it never got better and then you died)

And maybe, maybe Edwin does it too, with less intention to hurt, and with less knowledge but Charles and Edwin trust eachother maybe more than anything (maybe Charles would sooner slip away from earth's gravity than stop putting his trust in Edwin who he thinks is good and smart and brills and aces) and maybe Edwin still looks at Charles trying to protect him after Charles has had maybe the worst week of his existence and says "that was a bit...... extreme" and Edwin still promises Charles can tell him anything while hiding himself in a way that makes Charles feel untrustworthy

So yeah I'll never stop thinking about the tragedy of Charles Rowland actually 👍 think about him with me

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 749: The last Straight Road*

(NdT.: same pun Kinaka always makes with his name and the word for straight road)

Pag 1

1: I....

3: Imaizumi-san!!

4: Go- good work!!

Good work!!

You were taking a long time for this lap

Pag 2

1: Yes, teh, I got a fl-fl-flat- my bike!!

Yessir!!

2: It's the tire!!

4: Only tires can get a flat

Ah- damn, yes, that's right

Right!!

6: I thought something like this might have happened, so I brought these

Replacement tubes, tire levers, and a pump. Use them

Pag 3

2: This is unusual!! I never thought Imaizumi-san was the attentive type – is it just for us!?

Yeah!! I thought first and second years were just not important to him....

3: You don't want to use the,?

We'll use them, thank you so much!!

4: You saved us, teh....!!

That's true

6: Ah, uhm... but..... Imaizumi-san

Earlier you said that

7: Sugimoto-san won't come”, what did you mean?

Pag 4

1: He retired

Pag 5

1: He's still displayed on the board, but

3: There's still time until midnight

If Sugimoto-kun....

4: Please leave the possibility open in case Sugimoto-kun wants to come back!!

5: Onoda insisted

6: Re... tired.....

Sugi..... moto-san....

Pag 6

1: He used up all his stamina and mental strength in his fight against Danchiku, and he was defeated

2: You didn't notice because you've been on the course the whole time

4: Ah... actually, when it got dark, Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san passed us various times... teh

Huh!? That? So at that time-!?

5: You have no time to talk about unimportant things

As soon as you're done with the repairs, run, first years

6: Soon

Pag 7

1: Waa, ye-yes, teh, thank you for the tools

Yeah, there's still 40km

2: If we join our strengths....

Don't cooperate

5: Teh!?

7: From now on, you can't allow yourselves to run like friends

8: Huh....

Our “buddies” stickers.....!?

You have to fight

Pag 8

1: And win the last spot to be an Inter High member!!

Pag 9

1: Fa.... ight....

2: Against.... Kinaka-kun

3: Against.... Rokudai

4: 35km left!!

Gooo!! Kinakaa, Rokudaii!!

Do your best...!!

5: I feel like they'll be able to run the 1000km!!

Amazing!

Ah, but there was no distance between them just now?

Pag 10

1: Fight....

2: The spot as a regular in the two-times national champion, Sohoku....

3: I can't take it by just being friendly....!!

4: And also

5: There's Sugimoto-san's wish!!

Pag 11

1: Wa- wait, please, Imaizumi-san

But.... if in this training camp the condition to become the sixth regular was to finish the 1000km first....

2: Then why did Sugimoto-san and Danchiku-san race!?

4: I came here to give you a message from Sugimoto

5: I think, I think it's necessary, you know

Sohoku is a team that connect and support each other

6: Just like during our first year, you, Naruko, and Onoda, connected your wishes and aimed for the goal

7: And last year Kaburagi ran with Aoyagi-san and carried the team until the mountains on the third day

8: So I think we need it

9: Our third year Inter High members

Pag 12

1: Definitely need a “first year”!!

3: Even if he knew he was making his own situation worse, he thought about the best shape for the team would be

4: He accepted it, and fought

Pag 13

1: For the fifth place

3: Among the first years, those two are left, I look forward to see what they do!!

That's too much food

4: Danchiku probably understood it, too

That's why he fought with all his strength

6: Now you two have to run with the weight of those expectations on your back!!

7: Fight, against your opponent and against yourself!! Use all your strength

Pag 14

1: And pull to yourself that last jersey!!

2: Straaa-

Pag 15

1: Straight roaaad!!

2: - traight!!

3: …. ngh

Ugh.....

4: Kinaka-kun.....

5: Don't cry, Rokudai!!

Pag 16

1: What are you doing, oi!! I'll leave you behind like this!! I'll tear you off!!

If you give up, then it's lucky for me!!

2: My goal has always been the Inter High jersey!!

To get back at those senpai who made fun of me!!

3: To show it to the Onii-san who taught me how to ride bikes!!

So, for that....

6: So I'm telling you not to cry!!

Pag 17

1: But, Kinaka-kun....

It's that your “Straitgh road”, wasn't fast at all....!!

4: You knee? It's your knee, right?

Since when? Since a while ago?

5: Since when we were at about 800km

Pag 18

1: It's a race, Rokudai

2: You should have told me, teh

I didn't notice, teh!!

3: I'm such an incapable former manager, teh....

4: Since when I lost to you in the first years' race

6: I've been thinking that I would definitely not lose the next time we race

7: Even though the truth is that I don't really care about that anymore

So, once again...

Pag 19

1: It's a race, Rokudai!!

3: Let's do it, Rokudai!!

I can't, teh

4: Race me, pedal!!

I don't want to, teh....

5: Fight me!!

I won't pedal, teh

Pag 20

1: Because, if I fight you now, Kinaka-kun, I'll end up winning, teh

Pag 22

1: With that kindness of yours, support our senpai during the Inter High

[ilovebeatingmywife]

why cant my dad just do things for himself once and awhile im so tired of this

[milkbreadtoast]

guys I'm so fking sad..... one of my favorite (maybe even my favorite) Korean VAs passed away... Lee Woori-nim(이우리)... I just heard the news so I don't know why he died but I'm sure he was way too young... This is so devastating. You may know him as the korean voice of Cyno from genshin, or Lord Oyster from CRK...I need to find his other roles too... He had one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard and his acting was good too, I was really really looking forward to hearing him in many more roles esp main chara roles ㅠㅠㅠ I even included him in my TWSB fancast (for yeseo/jesse)... I've only discovered him recently (bc of crk) but I just instantly fell in love w his voice T_T so angelic and gentle and handsome... I'm so sad man. Rest in peace...

[persy-r-bozo]

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[cloudcountry]

i'm noticing that when people request things and i write it for them, sometimes the people i write for dont reblog or give me any feedback. ^^ its starting to get a bit irritating when i take the time to write something and i just get a like from the person. the twst fandom has been talking about this since forever but literally the least you can do is reblog. seriously.

[theood]

I went to no one's mad at you island and all your friends were there and they told me they all love you and could never hate you and they don't mind that sometimes your emotional responses are bigger than the actual problem and they asked where you were. They miss the shape of you in the group and how your laugh and smile and the way you speak weaves the group together. They wanna see you again soon and hope you call.