#im sorry mc someone has to suffer

[romance-rambles]

spirit world alkaid | the one i can hold

How were you to know the answer you gave him that night would take on a different meaning in the future?

1.3k, heavy(!!) route spoilers, fluff and angst, reader is mc, series: as the months go by

YOU MUST BE IN THE middle of a dream.

Two Alkaids watch you, lovely green eyes glimmering with faint amusement and concern. Neither of them have deigned to answer your question, and isn't that how most of your dreams go?

You've never had one like this before though...

The smile on his face inspires your thoughts to go down an entirely unhelpful route. This was the reason you'd been drinking in the first place. After all, you have a home to return to and the people who care about you are probably worried.

In the exact same way you'd been fretting over the Alkaid—Alkaids?—in front of you. He'd been gone for most of the day, busy with important currently-not-a-Spirit-Lord matters, and—wait.

Where was the second Alkaid hiding this entire time?

A frown tugs at your lips. You're not sure if you like this dream...

"Well then, which one do you like better?" the Alkaids ask, cutting through your thoughts.

They tilt their heads in curiosity, as if the answer isn't obvious. You don't even have to ponder the question. Alkaid is Alkaid, and the second Alkaid is Alkaid too.

The answer is both, obviously.

And, as it turns out, alcohol has ridden you of your weakness. Neither your hesitation, nor your embarrassment are available to talk you down from whatever it is you intend to do to hammer that message in.

You stumble out of the porch swing he'd crafted for you, in the same way he'd once crafted—or, rather, will craft in the future—a canopied hammock, jug still in one hand and your other one aiming for one of the Alkaid's hands.

It passes through his blurry image with ease.

As you blink at your hand, confused gaze tracing the lines on your palm, a scowl begins to form on your lips. Frustration begins to build, leaving your brain to feel as though it's being squeezed behind your forehead.

Once more, you reach for his hand.

Once more, the same Alkaid does not allow you to hold it.

Instead, they both chuckle softly. No matter how many times he invokes his spell, you can't see yourself ever not falling for it—hook, line, and sinker. Your indignation is now no more than a faint memory; and what's left of it is overwhelmed by the longing and desire that, all this time, you've been too afraid to put a name on.

Somehow, you are no longer afraid.

Lips parting, you watch him—both of them—reach out his hand.

This time, you can clearly feel his warmth. He laces his fingers together with yours and gently squeezes your hand. You return the favor, wondering if it's enough to make him understand—love is its name, and it leaves your heart beating loudly only for him.

Oh, you realize, he's real.

"Well?" he whispers, his gaze tender and loving.

Your gaze drops down to his soft lips, almost instinctively. It's infectious—his smile. Perhaps some of your self-restraint remains; you don't indulge in the first thought that pops into your mind. The lingering bruise on your pride, you think, probably plays a part in that too.

As your lips curl into its mirror image, you look back into his tranquil green eyes instead. The other Alkaid remains, still visible in the corners of your alcohol-fueled vision. He watches you rethink your decision with that same smile.

It irks you enough that any pain you derive from not choosing him transforms into self-satisfaction.

"The one...I can hold," you declare, pressing your forehead against Alkaid's. The tangible one, whose eyes widen slightly at your actions. "That's...the one I like."

You have your other arm thrown over his shoulder. If the jug of win in your hand bothers him, he doesn't mention it. Rather, it is only when your hand finds a comfortable place to rest and the jug stops bumping into his back that he inhales sharply.

That one, you fear, is on him. His skin feels much cooler than your hand, your tight grip on the jug's handle having left it warmer than usual. It's a first—usually, the opposite tends to hold true.

"Your hand's warm," he says, closing his eyes. "I wonder...does this mean you don't need me to warm it up anymore?"

"No!"

You pull away, distraught. The jug of wine bumps into his shoulder. In your rush to chide him for playing with your feelings, you miss the reddish hue his antlers have taken on.

Alkaid chuckles warmly, transferring some of his warmth to your hand before he allows you to fully slip away. "Alright, I'm sorry."

He says your name adoringly, in the way you've heard lovers speak of each other. The hint of mischief in his gaze as he pleads innocently for your forgiveness should have you turning your nose up at him.

"Will you forgive me?" he asks, watching you cross your arms.

You both know what the answer to that is. Still, you keep your silence.

On a nearby tree, some of the light pink flowers transform into a bright red fruit. At Alkaid's silent command, a vine reaches out and carefully plucks out an apple. But instead of offering it to you, it leaves the fruit in Alkaid's waiting hand.

"I'm sure you haven't had anything to eat." He offers you the fruit, stifling a laugh at your miffed expression. "For you. Please?"

"I haven't...forgiven you yet." Despite your words, you still take a bite of the apple. It's sweet, though you find its taste difficult to savor when the man in front of you is much sweeter. "But since...you said please..."

His softly smiling expression doesn't change at your words. You find its much harder to tease him these days—especially when his blunt but earnest tendencies tend to put you on the losing side.

"I'm afraid that leaves me with a problem," he says. "I don't want the woman—the woman I care about to be mad at me."

You consider his words for a moment. Not the content, but the way he stumbled over his words, changing course to an entirely different phrase. There are only so many phrases that can be said with that same intensity—like a secret confession, hidden amongst the most ordinary of words.

You want to tell him that the woman I love has a better ring to it. You want to tell him you'll stay—for him. For them.

"I can...think of something," you whisper, tightening your grasp on the once bitten apple. "Stay with me...forever."

And I'll stay with you.

Surprise blooms across his expression. Along with it comes the scarlet hue that colors his cheeks, the one you never seem to be able to mimic in your paintings. He reaches out and caresses your hair.

Your disappointment at his perceived cowardice is brief and easily brushed away.

"I will." Alkaid vows softly.

You believe him.

YOU MUST BE IN THE middle of a dream.

Alkaid watches you from the steps on the porch, lovely green eyes glimmering with sadness. Adorning one of his antlers is starlight given a mortal form, the very same flower from which you'd attempted to make a garland for him. His smile betrays nothing of the fact that he broke his promise.

He says your name and then—

"You like that porch swing a lot. I'm glad."

This is how a lot of your dreams start out these days.

You tighten your grip on the vines that hold up your porch swing. By now, you've given up on any pleasantries—and on shooing him away, or walking away yourself. He always comes back the next day. He always wears that flower.

You are always sitting here, even though you've long since moved back to the world you once called home. The heart wants what the heart wants, doesn't it?

And though you can no longer hold him, your heart still only wants him.

"Stay with me," you say, as always, your voice just barely above a whisper.

And, as he always does, Alkaid vows softly, "I will."

You've long since stopped believing him.

[always-just-red]

hihihi! sylus girlie here. as a college student i often never take breaks whenever im working and often stay up late finishing up assignments. then i stress out but never tell anyone and suffer in silence:’) i was wondering if you could do something similar with sylus x mc where mc often forgets to take breaks at the hunters association and is always the first the volunteer for missions so she could improve.

but then it’s starting to take a toll on her and is so so stressed, but feels bad about venting to someone or saying no to new missions.

maybe one day she’s doing a simple task like cooking herself dinner (or something) but accidentally burns herself and she just ends up breaking down and decides to call sylus and he immediately goes to her. :’)

feel free to decline or change anything! i just like the thought of someone comforting u when ur overworked and stressed bc i wish someone would do that to me lol.

Fast-tracked this one for you, anon! I'm really sorry you're having a tough time right now, and I hope this brings you a bit of comfort- remember, Sylus would want you to take care of yourself! Good luck with all your studies, and feel free to send in another request if ever you need it! 🥰

Technical Difficulties

Sylus x Reader 🩸

Summary: You're not very good at asking for help when you're struggling. Thankfully? You don't always need to.

Genre: fluff + comfort ft. a very domestic Sylus!

Warnings/Additional tags: stressed reader (has a lil bit of a breakdown!), some swearing, uses of 'kitten' and 'sweetie', Sylus is so soft here he should come with a health warning tbh

| Word count: 2.4k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!

In the event of a wanderer incursion where evacuation of citizens is obstructed or otherwise not viable, association protocol 32.3-A dictates that you should first… That you should first… What?

Your pen is poised above the blank space where your answer should be. 32.3-A is a general procedure: something to do moving people to the nearest shelter. Or, wait— are you supposed to try to contact support, first?

You drop your pen with a huff and flop face-down onto the mock exam. It’s too much. Too much information, too much responsibility. Open textbooks are spread over your desk and around your head like an unholy halo— stacks of them, filled with codes and procedures. They’re supposed to be helpful, but they’re not; they’re drowning you.

Your phone pings and you glance up. Text from Tara:

Hi! Hate to be a bother, but did you finish glancing over that practice question for me? xx

Shit. You’d completely forgotten. You straighten, reaching for your laptop so you can load up your latest emails. You’ve got time to look over it; the exam isn’t for another two days. Breathe, ok? You have time.

Seven unread emails. What? You scan over them frantically. Two from the Captain: accepting additional mission requests you’d applied for. Were those both this week? One from Nero: you hadn’t sent in that finished report. Three from your colleagues, all scrambling for help with the exam. One from Tara:

Thanks for saying you’d look over this for me! You’re the best at this stuff!

Ok, so: Tara’s practice question. Nero’s report. Your own practice questions. Then… dinner? Maybe that should come first. You’d skipped lunch— had one slice of toast for breakfast. But you don’t wanna cook; cooking takes time, and you’ve got none. None.

Your phone is ringing, snapping you back to reality, and you peek over at it. Sylus?

“Hi,” you greet as you put him on speaker. On your laptop, you’re opening up Tara’s attachment.

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Always straight to the point. “Uh… yeah?” you frown as you read through your friend’s work. “Why? What d’you need?”

Sylus sighs through the phone. “That was a test, sweetie. You failed.”

“Yeah, well…” you murmur, highlighting a sentence with your cursor. “Add it to the list.”

The man doesn’t find that funny. The phone is quiet— too quiet. “Are you alright?” he asks, just as your gaze wanders to check if the call has disconnected.

“Mmhmm.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Sylus.”

You stare down at your phone. He’s waiting for more, but you won’t give it to him. You’re one word away from slipping, and you can’t let the dam crumble, especially in front of him. He’s smiling from the phone call background: a photo he insisted would ‘ruin’ his image when you took it last week.  

“I need to go, ok?” Your eyes are shining.

“Ok,” he says softly.

There’s a bleep as the call cuts out, and the photo is gone. Waiting beneath it is another text from Tara, and one from Xavier: Nero told me to txt U bout a report??

You swallow the ache in your throat and slump down on your desk again.

…

You wake up with a start, your head ringing. The tangerine sky outside your window’s turned dark— your laptop, too— and light spills from your desk lamp, yellow on white pages. There’s more, and you turn, tracing it back to where it leaks through the crack of your almost closed bedroom door.

You hadn’t left any lights on in your flat. You hadn’t switched on your lamp, either.

Tiredness is dulling your thoughts and your senses, but you know you feel uneasy. There’s something in the air: smoky, but not unpleasant. You can hear something as well. No— two things. A faint, almost imperceptible hiss, and a more obvious humming.

Hunter instincts kick in. You roll open a drawer of your desk, snatching up one of your standard-issue pistols and removing its safety with a click. You stalk up to the door, your trained footsteps near silent. You take a deep breath, clearing your head. One. Two.

Three! You shoulder the door open, leaping through with your gun trained forwards.

At the other end of your sights, Sylus turns, an eyebrow raised. Your kitchen stove seethes behind him, and he gives you a once over as he sluggishly raises both hands. “You flatter me, kitten,” he smirks in surrender, looking between your weapon and his: a spatula.

You lower your gun, your heart still racing. “I could have killed you, Sylus!”

“That’s the spirit.” His hands drop, too.

“How did you even get in here?”

He’s turned back to the stove, and he’s using the spatula to push something around a frying pan. “Hmm…” he muses, then blink— he’s gone. He’s at your fridge a second later, materialising from thin air. “I wonder,” he finishes as he reaches around for something.

Show off. “You know how I feel about you telepor…” No. “Phas…” No. “Magic…king…?” By now he’s watching you over his shoulder. “You know— that thing you do.” You’re twinkling your fingers. “What do you even call that?”

“Magicking, yeah.”

You huff in response and he laughs, walking back over to where he’s cooking two steaks and preparing a salad. You’re still coming to terms with the fact he’s even here, looking... quite frankly ridiculous, because he’s wearing your apron. It’s too small for him. Baby pink. Frilly, too.

“You know how I feel about you magicking into my home,” you mutter distractedly, because actually? He’s kinda pulling it off. His sleeves are rolled up past his elbows, tight on his arms. “Use the door like a regular person, you psychopath.”  

“Where’s the fun in that?” He sounds smug. Ugh, he must feel your eyes on him; he must know. You think he’s toying with the idea of calling you out, but he doesn’t, and when he does speak, the smugness is gone. “Mephisto saw you were sleeping. I didn’t wish to disturb you. You sounded… tired. On the phone.”

Guilt twinges in your chest as you draw up beside him. “Is that why you’re here? Playing housewife?” You pick at a frill on the apron.

“Poke fun all you want,” he sneers. “This shirt costs more than your entire wardrobe.”

“Snob.”

“Ha.” You have to retract your hand as he threatens it with the spatula. “Watch yourself, sweetie. I’ll remember that the next time you ask to ‘borrow’ my card.”

You laugh gently. Now that’s a threat. You’re about to tell him so when you hear a ping from the other room, and your heart sinks. Just a single sound, and you’re back to where you were an hour ago, at your desk with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Sylus hums in acknowledgment as you excuse yourself and hurry back to your workspace, snatching up your phone. You missed three calls while you sleeping: all from Xavier. He’s been texting you, too.

Nero’s yelling at me

Wants to talk to U

Can U pick up? Pls?

It’s one report, for gods’ sake. You feel your chest tightening again. You just needed to proofread it, but it’s probably fine, right? You wake your laptop out of standby; you’ll just send it as it is. “I’ll just be a minute, Sy,” you call out. “Need to finish one thing.”

He mumbles something in response, and you imagine it’s for the best you can’t hear it. Your keyboard clacks as you tap out a quick email to Nero, then you surf your files for the report he so desperately wanted. It should be… here. You attach it. Hit send.

Nothing happens.

Huh. You hit send again. Then again— still nothing. You groan, trying to back out of the email. None of your keys are working. Your cursor is stuck. “Oh, come on,” you release on an impatient breath. Switch it off, switch it on again? You hit the off button. The screen goes black.

With a sigh of relief, you wait a moment before switching it on again. The screen stays black.

“No, no, no, no,” you plead quietly, but it doesn’t cooperate. Your phone rings and you snap, hitting more buttons: Answer. Speaker. “What?” you hiss.

“Whoa. Hi…?” Xavier’s voice is cautious. “I don’t know if you saw my texts, but Nero—”

“The report, Xavier! I know! I know!” You try holding down your laptop’s power button. “I’m trying to send it, but my shitty computer won’t—”

“No way!” Tara’s voice comes in on the other line; did they both get the night shift? “Hey you! Did you get a chance to—”

“No, ok?!” you practically cry out. “No! Can you two just back off? Please!”

“Oh, sorry, I…” Tara sounds upset, then distracted. “Wait, Xavier wants to speak to you.”

“Are you ok?” he asks after a second.

Ok? You just want everything to stop. “I’m fine. Shit, tell Tara I’m sorry. I am sorry, Xavier, I just… I just need my laptop to…”

Work. Work! Nothing’s working. Half of your files are on there. How much of it is backed-up? Panic is setting in, gripping your body like ice. Your throat hurts and your mouth is dry, the dam is breaking and you can’t stop it. Tears prick at your eyes as you blink at the blank, hopeless screen. Your reflection stares back at you.

You let out a sob, expelling days of frustration and exhaustion. Everywhere you look there’s something you need to do, something you need to learn, something you need to finish. You can’t. You clasp a hand over your mouth, muffling your own cries.

Xavier is speaking— saying something over the phone— but you can’t hear him.

The light changes, and there’s a figure above you, lifting the phone from the desk. “They’ll call you back,” the shadow says. Sylus.

“Wait, who is this?” Xavier.

“That’s Skye!” Tara.

Your friends’ distant voices cut out as Sylus ends the call. He sets the phone down again, nudging your laptop out of view, then lowers himself until all you can see is him: his red eyes, softer than you’ve ever seen them. “Come on, sweetie,” he coaxes, guiding your hands over his shoulders.

You understand what he’s asking of you. His arms wrap around you and you hold him tighter, letting him lift you out of your chair. He feels warm, his skin ever so slightly flushed from where he’s been standing over the stove, and he pulls your legs around his waist, letting him carry you with ease.

With your face buried in his shoulder, you can’t tell where he’s taking you, and you don’t care. His shirt is going damp against your cheeks. You want to stop crying, but you can’t with the taste of your tears on your lips. You feel weak. You feel pathetic.

Something solid is behind you, and Sylus is setting you slowly down on the kitchen counter. He’s away from you for a moment— moving the frying pan off of the heat and turning a dial on the stove— but then he’s back, standing between your legs, standing close. You’re looking down until his hand is under your chin, lifting it with the delicate touch one employs when inspecting a flower that might break.

He shushes you without a hint of impatience. “Look at me,” he directs quietly, and when you do, he unrolls his shirtsleeves— drawing the cuffs over his hands so he can use them to wipe your eyes. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

You do— you tell him everything. The hunter’s exam. The textbooks. The extra patrols you’ve been signing up for. The work you’ve been doing for your friends. The stupid report. The even more stupid computer.

Sylus listens collectedly, nodding his head and issuing the odd hum of understanding. He listens to all of it, and when you’re done, he pushes your hair back from your face with a sympathetic sigh. “Oh, sweetie.” A tendril is tucked behind your ear. “You should have said something.”

“I know.” Your gaze is still shy of his. “But how can I? I need to do this— be this— for everyone.”

His hands are on your cheeks again, drawing back your focus. “You’re just one person,” he says. “You— just you— and that’s all you need to be. You’re stubborn, and strong, but you’re not invincible. Even Linkon’s shiniest hunter is allowed to have limits. Everyone does.”

“Even you?” you snivel, setting him up for a quip.  

Nothing. He smiles. Shrugs. “Even me.”

It’s hard to believe when he’s staring back at you, oh so solid, oh so perfect. Always a picture of strength: of fiery determination or calculated coolness. Everything in extremes; nothing by halves. Except… his hair is slightly dishevelled from where he’s been working away in the heat. There’s a damp patch on his shirt. He’s wearing your pink apron, and there’s mascara on his sleeves.

Then there’s the way he’s looking at you.

It shifts when you finally look back. He drops his hands from your face and pulls back a little. “You do a lot for your friends,” he continues with confidence, but he’s rubbing his neck, “and they care about you. You should afford them the chance to return the favour. It’s only fair.”

“You’re right.”

“…Good.”

Perhaps it’s the fact you’ve vaguely composed yourself— or the way you’re watching him like you’re seeing something new— but he straightens self-consciously, rolling his shirtsleeves back up as his eyes go sharp: assuming their usual severity.

“You’re too soft, kitten,” he scolds, reaching out to tousle your hair until you’re glaring daggers from behind a curtain of it. “How many times do I have to tell you? You put yourself first. Always. No-one else matters.”

There’s quiet for all of a second. He can’t help correcting: “Well, except me, of course.” The apron’s crooked, and he flattens it with a brush of his hands. “Any time spent with me qualifies as self-care. You really should know that by now, sweetie.”

Your mouth curls, but you haven’t quite got it in you to laugh— not yet. Stretching his neck with two sideways tips of his head, Sylus returns to his post at the oven, where the meal he’s cooking has almost certainly gone cold. You watch as the stove flickers back to life. The man is humming again, and though the food might yet be salvaged, whatever melody he’s attempting is long-past recognition, let alone saving.

You chuckle to yourself.

And you can’t see it, but Sylus is smiling, too.

[floofeh-purpi]

Through the Screen. (Pt. 2)

Self-aware! Obey Me x Gn! Insomniac! Reader

MAG EY KA MUNA EYYYY!!!! Also, off topic but I think it's now going to sound like a fanfic... 😭🙏

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜���

@rotin0 @cherry-blossom-sword80 @leniisreallycool @mc-cos-charm @imtotallynotthere @cosmo112 @cheeseburgercasserole @kanashi-aivy @dead-d0ves

Warnings: Cursing, spelling/grammar errors, it feels like I'm awake at 3am even though I started this shit at 8:13pm, you might be based by me in terms of some stuff going on w you (sorry), one mention of you being su*cidal, what the fuck im now half-asleep.

【Part 1】

• Ok, you sometimes voice call your friends in messenger (or whatever app you use to call them) for whatever reason.

• Lets say you might call them so that yall can play an online game that doesnt have voice chat.

• Fuckers they can hear you.

• As in the characters, they can hear you.

• Every foul word that comes out through your mouth? Yes.

• Those noises of you aggresively clicking your keyboard? Yes.

• The air conditioning doing its own thing? Yes.

• Hell, THE WAY THAT YOU BREATHE? YES.

• You dont know about that part yet

• So now that you know that they know how to make some changes to the game's code...

• Let's just say your initial reaction was legit: :0

• But realization risen upon you. Oh shit...

• If they'll break outta the game and into your phone, does that mean that they can see what you have on your phone, gallery, and the edits you saved on your phone thats crying for you to free some space in its storage. 😨

• Luckily, this new yet somewhat not-so new phone has the ability to hide away your apps, files, pictures, and videos into a hidden folder! :D

• You kept your more not child-friendly stuff into that folder in case your parents will check your phone.

• And I kid you not, what if they will somehow find a way to connect/join with your other devices too?! D:

• You decided to play Obey Me, since that's how you cope with the fact that quarterly tests are approaching your grades dangerously close.

• ...Tests be damned?

• Tests, be damned it is.

★ (this means timeskip)

• ...Maybe it was a bad idea.

• Because you're literally sweating bullets as you're looking at the first question written on the test paper.

Welp, I'm fucked.

• No shit, the very few questions that you know that you'll get right is your name and date.

• And not to mention that time pressure is a thorn to your mind right now.

Class, you have 30 minutes left!

• Sternly exclaimed the teacher, with students making stressed-out noises and sounding like they we're binge-watching anime last night. This was totally not targeted towards a certain someone in my school. Nope.

• You groaned along with the other students before you buried your face in the sweating palms of your hands and then moving them to your forehead to answer the next question. 29 out of 30 questions... you'd be finished right now if it was your favorite subject. But this test was easy. Way too easy...

• Hm...

• God damn it. You took your words back as soon as you saw the arch nemesis of your life.

• And... Is that x3+y3+z3=k?

...EAHHHGGHH—

• Why... You were so certain that not a single math teacher could've taught this yet.

• You we're so damn thankful that this was multiple choice. Omfg.

• Anygays-

Eeny meeny miny Moe...

(This divider means a longer timeskip.)

• Ok so, after all that suffering, you can finally get the hell out of this dumpster of a fucking school!

• You skip your way out of that shitty classroom, with the first thing– or rather person– to greet you was your non-fictional and only best friend! Yipee! :D

N/n!!! :D (N/n means Nickname)

• Exclaimed they, the person who has been with you through thick and thin.

We'll go to your house just like you promised, right?

• So bright, like the stars blanketing the night skies.

• Sometimes you wish you were like them.

• Cheerful, positive, an absolute sunshine up your face, not-so suicida—

Uhm... N/n?

• Oops. You spaced out again.

Yah, lesgo.

• After y'all went inside your... miserable excuse of a house (you know you havent cleaned this shit up for god knows how long.)

• Luckily, your parents (mainly your dad) was in an EXTRA good mood today, (they weren't present after they screamed profanities at you last night <3) so you had the house all to your yourself.

Don't worry, my parents aren't here today..

• You said, which eased the concern building up inside your best friend's mind after they remembered what you told them about your... 'normal' relationship with your parents.

C'monnn, let's study in the living room.

• You best friend whined before dragging your sleep deprived ass to your couch.

★

Wahhh! Are you sure this ain't corn syrup?

I think so. Yah. Wait I don't even buy that shit to shove it up the drawer's ass...-

• Ok uhmm.... What was supposed to be a study session turned into a cooking session.

• Bless Solomon for not being present in the kitchen. Yet.

• You were about add some extra spices to- what the fuck were you making again??? when your loud ass 6pm alarm rang.

Augh...

• You groaned. Your hands were oily as fuck and you needed to take your maintenance. Great timing up my fucking ass.

Yo B/f/n, pass me my pills. Please?

Yah su-

• You and your friend suddenly got a loud ass obey me notification on your phones. They at least still had the decency to pass you your pills even while they're still shocked at the kind of notification they got.

• I mean, no shit dipshit.

• Bitch how tyhe fuck did they know that you eat dinner at 9 in the fucking eveni-

• Oh..

• OH...

• You forgot they can practically stalk you through your phone and you haven't told your good ol' bestie about that now, did you...

• ...Oops. 🥰

If you think this is short, and its your first time stubling upon the dumpster collection of a blog thats also 95% full of reblogs, wait until you see that sagau series that i havent finished yet 😭🙏

Published: October 14 2024. 8:13pm.

[devildom-moss]

Im so happy the request box is open again /gen

Could i request a fic where MC has an ed (Eating Disorder)?

Im struggling with eating atm and would love to read about the characters (especially Beel) comforting the MC about it

Thats all, have a good day!

Lots of love, anonymous M /ref

Anon, I'm so sorry that you're struggling. Please do your best to practice harm reduction in regards to your specific eating disorder. I hope that you are able to get the help you require.

I also hope that this fic will be a comfort to you. I tried to keep the specifics of the eating disorder vague since there are so many types and I didn't know which you had. There are some mentions of binging and restricting, so I hope that is okay. The format of this was kind of experimental, so I hope it came out okay.

I love you. Take care (to the best of your ability).

MC with an eating disorder

(SFW) (unspecified eating disorder with mentions of restriction and binging) (could be read as platonic) (all characters) (half fic/half headcanons?)

Word Count: +3,900

You couldn’t hide this forever. They were bound to figure it out eventually. The unfortunate thing about being a person is that no matter how careful you were – how hard you tried – secrecy, subtlety, and perfectionism were not without clumsiness. Even if you wanted to hide this from them forever, you were going to slip up – do something suspicious. Most sicknesses have symptoms, and someone will find them.

Or maybe you had a moment of pure courage and decided to tell them: you needed help. Maybe you understood – even if it felt like a lapse in judgment – that the best outcome for your health and happiness would not be achieved alone. You needed someone – some understanding source of love and support.

The truth leaked out to everyone eventually – and eventually seemed to crash into you like the final domino in an elaborate setup. The most knowledgeable and observant of the bunch couldn’t keep quiet for long. It’s hard to bite your tongue when someone you love is suffering.

You were hardly prepared for the talk they all felt was necessary. Barbatos called for a meeting with you “to discuss a personal matter of utmost importance.” To be fair, they all made the decision not to overwhelm you by not allowing everyone to take part in the meeting.

When you arrived at the castle for the meeting (mostly to prevent nosy eavesdropping), Barbatos escorted you into a room with Simeon, Solomon, Lucifer, and – surprisingly – Mammon. Initially, Lucifer had no intention of allowing Mammon into the meeting, but “being MC’s first” and the fact that he had been the one to alert Lucifer to your struggle held enough sway to expand the meeting size to six.

On your long walk back home, during which you were escorted by Lucifer and Mammon in a miserable, awkward silence that Mammon made multiple attempts to alleviate, you couldn’t stop clinging to their words during that meeting.

You couldn’t remember who spoke first – who had the guts to interrupt such a solemn, all-knowing silence. Lucifer or Barbatos? No. They planned this, so maybe they pushed the softest approach on you – forced a tender heart to confirm that the time had come to talk about your eating (or lack thereof). In that case, it was probably Simeon. Your memory was already so hazy. Maybe you shut down and dissociated. Maybe you would remember if your body wasn’t going through hell. Then again, if it wasn’t, maybe you wouldn’t have had to have that conversation.

– Got bad enough for them to notice, I guess?  That was a shitty thought to have. The sooner it gets addressed, the better. No one should have to get “bad enough.” You knew that. –

In truth, they had planned ahead, and Simeon was supposed to ease you into the conversation. Mammon couldn’t let him, though. “Ya know, I don’t care how strong ya get. I still think it’s my job to protect ya. You’re sick right now. All tha signs are there. Ya keep hurtin’ yourself doin’ shit like this. I’m doin’ an awful job keepin’ ya safe, so we’re gonna get ya some help. And we’re gonna be right there with ya the whole time. I’m gonna be there – whatever ya need.”

Simeon was relieved that Mammon spoke first – even if it wasn’t the perfect, delicate approach. Simeon had been something he hadn’t been for a very long time: afraid. They all were to some extent – if not afraid, then nervous. However, with Mammon’s interruption, the structured plan crumbled, and they all spoke in cautious yet clumsy intervals. It seemed suitable, then, that the rest of the meeting only existed in messily cut up pieces that you shoved together. Your brain was the young, sickly protégé of Victor Frankenstein and your recall-creature arose as a bloody, poorly constructed monster. There was no chasing this monster off. It clung to your waist and shadowed your every step. It was a sad, hurtful little creature, but there was love in every bone and mass of flesh.

Lucifer had promised to assist with doctors’ orders, keep an eye on your condition, and accommodate you while ensuring his brothers fell in line. What you remembered was the scent of Demonus that lingered on him when he pulled you against him and told you, “Whatever will ease the burden during the hardest parts of your recovery, you’ll have it.” He had had a drink or two to settle his nerves before you arrived.

Barbatos had promised to get you good human doctors – medical and psychological – who specialized in your particular condition. What you remembered was the unfamiliar look of sorrow on Barbatos’s face as he held your hand and promised, “We will prioritize your comfort – no matter how many doctors you have to go through. You’ll get the treatment you need.”

Solomon had offered his magical skills to assist with your commitment to recovery and to ease any pain or side effects that your eating disorder had and would cause. You remembered him gently holding your face and telling you, “I’d never let anyone hurt my adorable apprentice – and that includes you.”

Simeon had offered you a constant and understanding ear to listen. He was the best alternative when you wouldn’t or couldn’t turn to a professional. Simeon had even promised to help Luke and Raphael navigate your recovery as best as he could. You remembered the grave concern on his face – almost frightening – as he told you, “We love you, and you’re hurting. Please let us help you however we can.”

They hadn’t pressured you to explain everything you were doing or understand all of it on your own. They hadn’t even forced you to respond right away. Everything else they had said – and anything you had said – seeped out your ears until you were left with the sound of your own voice giving them one ashamed and heartfelt “okay.”

The conversation probably hadn’t even happened in that order, but it was a hard one to have, and you couldn’t be faulted for jumbling it up.

“Here, take it.” Mammon interrupted the cacophony in your mind by throwing his jacket over your head and gently petting you through the fabric.

You felt something wet running down your cheek. It must have started to rain while you were thinking. No, wait, am I crying? When did that happen? It wasn’t a lot, but a few stray tears escaped you. You tried to blink them away, but now that you had a way to hide, they flowed easier. “Thanks, Mammon.”

You were scared that you would never like yourself no matter what happened, but they loved you, and that was a start.

When you returned to the House of Lamentation, you hid yourself away in the attic where you could cry alone without the protection of Mammon’s jacket. It was getting hot under there, anyway. Despite their attempts, you still felt overwhelmed by the confrontation, and you just wanted to hide from everyone – well, maybe not everyone.

It was a comfort when you heard a soft knock at the door and saw that fluffy orange hair peeking in. “MC, can I come in?”

He found you, and something about that melted your heart, even though you thought you wanted to be alone. You wiped any stray tears from your eyes and cleared your throat. “Yeah, you can come in, Beel.”

Surprisingly, when he sat down next to you on the bed, his lashes stuck to his skin like he had been crying, too. There was a long silence, during which he just stared at you. Sometimes, you liked it when he looked at you. You’d see all the affection on his face and recognize the love behind it. Other times, it made your skin crawl as insecurity squirmed around through your veins like a parasite. You saw everything you deemed wrong with yourself, and there was no way to hide it. This time, it felt different – some slow-cooked stew of guilt and sorrow. You imagined an inflated, tainted feeling of pity in that look where it was absent. In reality, “pity” from Beel used that word in its purest, sweetest form; there was no negativity or disregard – only sympathy and compassion.

Beel leaned down and bonked his forehead against your shoulder, leaving it there. His breath was slow and even, finding comfort in the physical touch, as he built up the courage to speak.

“Do I make your eating disorder worse? I’m always eating and talking about food.”

“No . . . well yes – but no.” Beel pulled back to look at you, doing everything he could to not look hurt and sorry. You felt the cracks in the dam begin to burst. Either you patch them up now, or you lift the gates and relieve some of the pressure. You chose the latter. “You made it easier to hide it. I could give you my food whenever I was restricting, and you were so happy to be fed that you never worried about me being hungry. Then, I got to watch you eat. It was cathartic – watching you do something I couldn’t do. You made it easy to cover up a binge, too. No matter how out of control I felt, I couldn’t make a dent in the amount of food you ate. That kind of made me feel better, but it enabled me. The extra food I ate, the snack boxes and wrappers, the disappearing food – everyone assumed it was all you most of the time. It saved me a lot of embarrassment, I guess, but it didn’t take away the shame. And to be honest, I’m kind of jealous of you. You’re out of control when you eat sometimes, and then you have all the control in the world to work out. But you look amazing, and you seem happy. I can see my impulses in you, and I think, if it was just a little different – maybe if I was better and more disciplined, I’d be more like you and less like me. I know that isn’t how it works; it’s just how I see things.”

You hadn’t expected all of that to come rushing out. Then again, neither did Beel, but he sat there firm and strong through it all. For a brief moment, a cruel and twisted feeling popped into your mind. What is he doing? Is he one of those idiots who stands in the path of a tropical storm because they think they can take it? He’s going to get hurt. Just move out of the way. You knew better than that train of thought. Beel would make himself an immovable structure through all of this if you’d let him. Hell, he’d make the effort even if you didn’t.

You cast your eyes down to the bedspread and the way Beel laid his hands down on it in front of him, with one cradled in the other while he ran his thumb along the side of his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine,” Beel interrupted. “It’s a lot to process, but thank you for telling me.”

Beel let out a calm, steady breath before standing up. He offered you his hand with a rueful smile.

“What is it?” you asked with your brow furrowed in confusion.

“Do you want to dance for a bit? I know we don’t have music, but I think better when I move.” Beel was embarrassed by the admission – but more embarrassed by the strangeness of his request. He added, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“We can dance.” You took his hand and let him make the clumsy attempt to lead. He wasn’t close enough nor graceful, but he was trying.

“I’m not very good at this, but I want you to get better. I hope you don’t mind learning together.” He had never had to help someone recover. You had to learn how to get better, and he had to learn how to support that.

“I don’t mind.”

“Even if I mess it up?” Even if he said the wrong thing or accidentally triggered you? Even if he couldn’t protect you every time? Even if you found a new place to hide and he didn’t come find you right away?

“You don’t have to be perfect.”

“Neither do you.” Beel had sharpened his words for that one, and all you could do was give him an apologetic chuckle. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t –”

“– I could, and that scares me. I love you so much. I will still love you during recovery. I’ll love you through relapses. I’ll love you when – and if – you fully recover. There’s nothing wrong with your willpower or your body. You’re sick and hurt. We’ll be okay.” Beel had added the last part for his own comfort before he pulled you closer. He stopped trying to dance and just held you against him, as if to remind you that he was there.

With the professional help came the personal support.

Lucifer keeps track of you and your meds. He checks in with you and your doctor and ensures you take your medication in a timely manner. He removes scales from the house or keeps them safely hidden from you. He keeps his brothers up to date on your recovery plan (with your permission), so that you don’t have to deal with it. He gently pushes you along when he catches you staring in a mirror unfavorably.

Mammon magically removes all the nutrition information – barring ingredients and allergy information – from groceries and snacks whenever someone does the shopping. He also walks you to all your medical and psychological doctor’s appointments. More importantly, he keeps you distracted when you feel bad – movies, games, dancing in clubs, you name it. However, he won’t take you gambling with him anymore, horrified that you might jump from one maladaptive behavior to another.

Leviathan, whose entire existence is antithetical to normie values, musters up the courage to remind you that he thinks you look amazing and that you don’t have to worry about what normies think. He is almost always there to play games with you or read manga or watch anime – especially when binge urges come. He’s happy to spend time with you, so don’t be ashamed of the reason you need a distraction. He makes and buys cosplay outfits for you and spends half an hour hyping you up so that you feel confident – even if you never end up wearing it outside.

Satan helps monitor your nutrition and plans meals that will help you avoid malnutrition. He works especially hard on this during the first few months of recovery and after relapses when it’s the most critical. He reads up on eating disorder treatments and studies anecdotal success stories so that he can help equip you with more tools to ensure your full recovery. He also offers distractions when you need them. Sometimes, he even reads to you.

Asmo compliments you endlessly – almost daily if you let him. He finds cute clothes for you that fit you in ways that make you feel comfortable and look amazing. He does your makeup and hair if you want it – anything to make you feel better about yourself. He’ll take pictures of you if you let him. Hell, he’ll arrange a full boudoir photoshoot for you if it boosts your confidence. Asmo has always been able to find beauty in anyone, so he tries to lean into body positivity and prove to you that there is beauty in every body because being alive is majestic all on its own. It’s equally important what Asmo doesn’t do, though. He stops body checking and talking about diets around you. He diets less, and when he does, he keeps the details of it away from you. This isn’t exactly supportive, but he will offer to praise you in bed and make you feel so gorgeous and so good that your mind has no room for self-doubt.

Beelzebub eats meals and snacks with you – especially when you are having trouble eating. He’s great to have around when you want to try eating something or multiple things off a menu, but you’re worried about feeling the need to keep eating after you’re full. He’s always happy to eat the leftovers. He constantly tells you how happy he feels when he sees you enjoying food with him. He also exercises with you – taking special care to ensure that you aren’t pushing yourself too far. He just wants you to get the movement that supports your health. He probably also teaches you something like boxing to help you release anger and anxiety during your recovery. Additionally, it’s hard for anyone to make you feel weird or bad about your exercise levels when Beel is around to level them if they so much as look at you the wrong way. Alternatively, he also accommodates you by helping you exercise in private (a home gym or body weight exercises; if your mind is in the gutter, that’s fine too).

Belphie walks you home from all your appointments. Mammon could do it, and it’s a lot of effort for him to walk you home, especially when he wasn’t already out and about, but he wants to show you that you are worth the effort. He threatened to curse and beat up Mammon if he didn’t let him walk you home. He likes the idea of you knowing that after a check-up or a draining therapy session, you can expect to see him waiting outside for you. He’s never late, either. He watches the stars with you and reminds you that you are beautiful to him but in the vastness of the universe, your body, your weight, your sense of control – none of it matters as much as you think it does. He is also an anarchist, and that especially includes diet culture. “Fuck society. I just want you to be alive and to take naps with me.” Also, he thinks your body is incredibly comfortable to nap on, but he tries not to actually say that.

Diavolo employs the best doctors he can find for you – with help from Barbatos. He adores complimenting you, so you can expect him to continue reminding you how amazing you are – both mentally and physically. He doesn’t have as much time to spend supporting you, but if he can provide you with any services, he’ll do it. His favorite thing to do is to take you shopping and buy clothes and accessories for you. If you like it and wearing it makes you feel better, he’ll get it for you. It’s a good distraction, and seeing you smiling in outfits that he got for you warms his heart. When he does have spare time, he’ll try to spend it with you so he can check in and see how you’re doing – but also so he can just be around you.

Barbatos offers to make lunch for you sometimes. Once he gets your permission, he makes adorable and appetizing dishes so that when you see them, you’re actually happy to eat them (usually. Some days will just be bad, and there’s nothing more he can do). He listens to you without judgment. He’ll pour you a cup of tea, offer you something to eat, and let you pour your heart out. He also sews outfits specifically for you, using it as an excuse to both provide personal attention and to tell you how incredible and breathtaking you look.

Luke has a surprisingly good grasp on the situation thanks to Simeon, Solomon, and his own reading. He offers to accompany you to the store when you have to buy groceries. He also does activities with you that don’t involve food – mostly games, puzzles, and going on walks. However, if you’re okay with it, he brings you into the kitchen to cook and bake with him (and sometimes with Barbatos, Simeon, and/or Beel). Maybe it’s because he’s younger, but unlike Simeon or Barbatos, Luke has more courage to invite you into a potentially stressful situation for your eating disorder in an attempt to help you establish a healthy relationship with food and cooking.

Simeon is always there to listen – especially once he figures out how to make a proper video call. He also provides you with plenty of distractions. As the author of the bunch, he’s obligated to encourage you to write or journal to help process your recovery (and just for fun). Consequently, you have a lot of chill writing dates. Sometimes that means relaxing in Simeon’s room with him while you both quietly write your own things. Other times, he invites you out to pretty or interesting locations. When you go out, he does everything he can to ensure your comfort. You’re free to bail whenever you feel the need to.

Solomon, like Satan, does extensive research on eating disorders. He’ll go so far as to interrogate other sorcerers about any magic they might know that will help your chances of a full recovery. If a solution exists, he’ll find it. If it doesn’t, he’ll try whatever options he has to improve your chances of living a long, happy life. However, his studying usually happens behind your back. One of the most important things Solomon does is treat you like normal. It can be a comfort. Unfortunately, on the occasion that Solomon offers you food he’s made, when you refuse, he gets worried about your eating disorder. My guy, it’s not the eating disorder; it’s your atrocious cooking.

Thirteen monitors your candle closely, looking for faster or slower burning rates to gauge your health on her own. If something seems off, she knows it’s time to speak up. She brings you adorable and delicious food and drinks – with your permission – and eats with you so that you can try to enjoy food. If you have concerns about drinks and liquid calories, she will try to help you ease that by offering you sips of her drinks and reminding you that it’s okay. If you like the drink, she’ll happily let you have the rest of it. She will also invite you out to eat and, like Beel, she’ll eat whatever you won’t finish. Outside of food, she distracts you by letting you in on her trap building process and bringing you along to test them out. Your laugh when one of her traps successfully ensnares someone is precious to her. She is another good confidant when you need someone to talk to.

Raphael uses his magic to heal you whenever you’re in pain (if eating hurts your stomach, heartburn, if your body is sore from exercise, etc.). He puts blessings on you – sometimes without your knowledge – to help you feel better mentally, too. Like Barbatos, Raphael sews new outfits for you, but he mostly focuses on trying to tailor your existing clothes to accommodate how your body might change during recovery. Some clothes can be irreplaceable, and he wants you to still be able to wear them no matter how you change.

Mephisto is probably the last person to find out, which annoys him. To compensate for being last, he writes up and prints an entire report, highlighting your positive, admirable traits. It’s practically a love letter. However, this one isn’t for the paper, so don’t worry about being perceived by others. In fact, he’d be embarrassed if anyone else found out about it. He just wants you to have a reminder of how amazing you are whenever you begin to doubt yourself. He’ll be more lenient about you hanging out in the newspaper room whenever you want. Although he won’t admit it, Mephisto asked Satan for a list of safe foods and drinks he can keep around that you’ll eat, and now there’s always safe food in the newspaper room.

A/N: This one was kind of heavy, so I'll try to pick a more lighthearted request next time. Also, just as a reminder, you can still provide input for what to do to celebrate the 1 year anniversary next month. Check the post "Input request" for more info (under the tag #moss update)

[subrenaspade]

Twisted Wonderland x Reader :No Place For Children Heartslaybul Pt. 1

This story is just some cute fluff I thought that some of you all would enjoy. There might be some cursing, that's all I can think of at the moment. The reader does have a bit of a backstory, giving her a little bit of OC vibes, but besides some background elements the rest is up to you. I only write Female, if that bothers you I'm sorry, I'm used to writing female and I keep having to go back to take away she/her pronouns. 

I do plan to make a series but more along the lines of while in this dorm for one chapter then while in this dorm for this other chapter.

A little background about the MC in my story so you're not all too lost. The MC used to suffer from androphobia (A fear of men), that has to do with some past trauma That I might go into more detail about later on if I decide to continue this story. The MC is also a Orphan losing her father at four, then her mother at fourteen, so there will be mention of family. The MC spent all her time in foster care, due to her mother being an orphan herself and her fathers family disowning him. 

:(Prologue)

Heartslaybul: pt one (you are here)

Savanaclaw: Soon

Octavinelle: Soon

Scarabia: Soon

Pomefiore: Soon

Ignihyde: Soon

Diasomnia: Soon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second Riddle had caught sight of the troublesome duo, they had collars around their necks. They also got stuck on hedgehog duty, by themselves may I add. About an hour after arriving (Name) Woke up in the arms of Trey who, let's be honest, was using her as an excuse for some quiet time. (Name) pulled away from the green haired man with glasses with a start, confused about her surroundings. A hand was placed on her head, making her stop frantically looking around. 

“Don't worry, (Name). You are just at Heartslabyul, our dorm.” Trey explained, the girl slowly relaxed at his gentle words. “How was your rest? You where really tired.” Trey laughed a little. (Name) nodded her head as she rubbed some of the lingering sleepiness from her eyes. 

“Oh! (Nickname) is awake! Hey cutie!” A ginger with long hair and a red diamond under his green eyes almost squealed. The girl shrank a little in Trey's arms, making him send a scolding glare at Cater. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare her.” Cater chuckled warily. Trey stroked her hair soothing the already nervous child. 

“Its okay, He is my friend, Cater. I guess I have yet to introduce myself too, Im Trey.” He explained, knowing that this information might give the girl some comfort. She eyed both men before giving them a hesitant nod. Her body relaxed as she looked at the two boys. 

“Hi Mister Cater and Mister Trey.” The girl said politely. Both boys looked at the young girl, feeling really old all of a sudden. 

“You… uh can just call me Trey..” Trey muttered, feeling tired. 

“Yeah, Just Cater…” Cater followed, sitting next to Trey to pull the girl into his lap. (Name) kinda sat there feeling like a baby getting passed around at a family reunion, once she remembered what happened in Crowley's office. 

~~~(Moving to your POV cause this 3rd person is throwing me off)~~~

I shifted around as Cater started to play with my hair. As strange as it was, these strangers didn't seem dangerous to me, they almost felt comfortable. I jolted as I heard someone coming into the living room we were in. I turned around to see the man from earlier with something around his neck. I smiled at the sight of him, leaping off of Caters lap and rushed over to him.

“Ace!” I cheered as I wrapped my arms around his legs, earning a yelp from him. He had frozen in my grasp as I looked up at him. A sly smirk played on his lips as he kneeled down in front of me, meeting me at eye level.

“Hey pip squeak. I see you're awake now.” Ace said as he patted my head. I grinned at him with a nod. “It's good to see that you calmed down now. I thought that I was going to have to get the tickle monster after you earlier.” He said as he started to poke at my side. I let out a small squeal, giggling at his playfulness. I reached out and booped his nose, making him freeze. A slow evil smile played on his lips as he raised both hands slowly, wiggling his fingers to indicate that he was going to tickle me for real. I yelped as I bolted away and around the couch with him following me. 

I let out playful cries for help, though it only made the boys chuckle or smile at us. After running around for a bit I finally started to feel my little legs tire out a little, so I ducked behind the leg of a navy blue haired boy who had entered with Ace when he came in. I held his leg breathing really hard, trying to catch my breath. Ace had stopped in front of us with his arms out ready to catch me. The boy looked down at me with a blush. I fisted his pants leg in my hands giving him my best pleading look. “Please help me, mister.” I begged he stiffened at my words looking shocked I was asking him for help. Ace froze at that too, giving me a shocked expression. 

We all sat in silence for a few, then the boy swooped me off my feet and into his arms. A look with fierce determination and a challenging smirk played across his lips. Then… He bolted. I squealed as he took off down the hallway and out the door into the front yard or was it a garden. I saw Ace rushing after us and giggled into The boy's shoulder. “Deuce! You traitor!” Ace called out. I felt the boy laugh at the call out of his betrayal. 

“It can't be helped! You saw her face!” The boy who I now know as Deuce called back. “She was too cute!” 

I gave Ace an ornery wave as I tightened my grip on Deuces shoulders. Ace gave a scowl at me but soon replaced it with a smirk. He tried to pick up the pace, though Deuce still seemed to run faster than him. I then saw Aces face drop into what I would assume was horror. Followed by Deuce letting out a gasp and slipping on his own two feet. I yelped as I felt his feet slide under him, letting him land on his butt. He made sure to keep a firm grip on me, even going as far as to place a hand on my head to prevent me from bumping my head. 

“What do you two think you're doing..” I heard someone seeth. I stiffened at the enraged tone, gripping Deuces jacket. Ace had caught up to us and stopped right next to us. 

“We were just playing-” Ace was cut off with a stern voice. 

“You two have yet to do the flamingo enclosure, and your out here playing?” I had finally looked up from Deuce's shoulder to see that it was the red haired boy from earlier. I shivered at the look of anger on his face. “First you cause an accident in your class, then you try to-” I looked down feeling guilty since I was the one who got them in trouble. I pushed off of Deuce, somehow getting out of his tight hold, making Riddle snap his lips shut. I stood in front of both of them, trying to act like a shield while looking down in shame.

“I-Im sorry mister. I was the one who had them play with me. I-If you need to punish me.” I claimed to feel my legs shake. I pulled all my courage to look up and met the red hairs glare. His eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth shut and closed like a fish out of water. Slowly his face turned red. He stood still as a statue and stared at me as if contemplating every life choice he made. Finally after defeating silence he sighed, seeming to relax. He moved his gaze back to Deuce and Ace.

“Go finish the rest of your chores.” He commanded, earning surprised looks from the two boys. He looked back down at me and held out his hand. “You will be coming with me, we need to talk for a bit.” He started, waiting patiently for me to take his hand. I nodded my head, taking his hand. I turned and waved at the two still shocked boys as we walked away. 

~~~~~( third POV)~~~~

The little girl hung her head in shame as she was led through the hallways. Riddle felt a cold sweat run down his neck. Riddle can honestly say he had no clue what to do with her. He didn't have a real childhood like many of his peers, and he knew that not every child would be able to follow the rules that he had abided by in his raising. This meant that he had to control his temper and learn to let some rules go, even though it went against everything he learned. 

He was normally very lenient with her since she was from another world with no knowledge of the rules here, but she had always made an effort into abiding all the ones she could remember and keeping in mind the ones he would explain to her if she broke a rule unknowingly. However a child wouldn’t be able to remember all of them, so with a talk with Trey, as long as there was really no harm he would let it go. 

Finally making it to his room, he opened the door and ushered the young child in. He had asked Trey to bring in some tea and snacks that sat on the small coffee table in front of his chairs. Riddle finally released the girl's hand walking over to pour the tea. 

“Go ahead and have a seat (Name).” Riddle ordered. The little girl who was sure she was in trouble, nodded her head and crawled onto the sofa waiting for her scolding to begin. She looked down at her hands in shame as she waited for him to start, only he never did. She stiffened a little when a tea cup on a saucer blocked her view of her hands. She looked up at Riddle who held out the drink to her. With steady hands she took them into her hands, making sure not to spill anything. She looked back up at him confused at the kind gesture. 

“I suppose I should introduce myself” Though you already know me Riddle fought the urge to say. “I am Riddle Rosehearts, the dorm leader of this dorm. For the next few days and nights you will be staying here and sleeping in my room. Some of the students have offered to let you tag along with them during classes. So you wont be alone.” He explained, taking a sip of his tea. His eyes drifted to the still confused girl. She bobbed her head up and down to show that she understood him. “Trey told me I should inform you that I can be a little…… strict when it comes to rules… But I will try too be lenient and let some things go since these rules will seem… odd to you.”  Riddle tried to explain in a slow but easy manner. 

“Rules? But aren't there rules for a reason?” She asked, tilting her head.

“EXACTLY!!” Riddle exclaimed, making the child jump in surprise. He stared at her awkwardly then moved back to cough into his hand. “It's more… tradition for this dorm. So there is no need to worry about it.” He explained. The girl nodded still startled. She finally tilted her head at him confused.

“So mister Riddle… You're not mad at me?” She asked. He looked at her confused at the question. 

“No, why would I be?” 

“Well, you were really mad when we were playing earlier…” She explained. It was Riddle's turn to jump a little. He placed his saucer down as he recalled that he never explained that situation, though he would have to jump over special information.

“There seems to be a misunderstanding. I was more upset with Deuce and Ace for dodging their punishment. You see they put someone I care about in a bind due to their negligence. I MEAN SOMEONE WHO IS IMPORTANT TO MANY PEOPLE IN A BIND!!” Riddle corrected the last part as he realized he admitted out loud he cared for the perfect, though she had no clue she was the person. 

“Oh…” She said, looking at him in understanding. 

“A-Anyways dinner will be ready before too long, go wash up!” Riddle stood feeling his nerves rattle around. She looked at him then down at the tea she had yet to touch. She chugged it down and slid off the sofa to place it on the coffee table. She let her eyes linger on the cookies on the try, hesitantly looking up at him.

“Be for that… c-can I have a cookie?” She asked. Riddle felt his mouth form a no, but stopped himself. It was like a wave of trauma washed over him. He stood there, living every moment his mother told him he was not allowed to have any sweets or anything that was considered not healthy. Every smoke on his hand, Every time he was forced to sit at his desk  to work on a problem or think over his actions that were wrong in his mothers eyes. His hands trembled and he bit into his lip to keep from having a wail leave his throat. 

A hand. 

A small hand grabbed his arm and held on tight. He blinked his wide eyes still holding the trauma that he was reliving. The small girl stared up at him, worried swimming in her expressful eyes. He gave him a gentle nudge, making his legs buckle under his weight. However she had him pushed against the chair he was once sitting on. She crawled up next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. All those horrible memories faded away as the warmth of her arms brought comfort to his shocked heart. He sat there silently as he regained his composure. His breath that he had not noticed he was holding started to come out in slow and even breaths. 

Once his brain started to catch up he wondered what happened. He has told many people no before. It was a common word he used for the troublesome duo, why was it so different all of a sudden. He then looked at the girl who still held him in her small arms as if protecting him. Maybe it was because he was saying no to a child?  (Name) Finally pulled away from him, noticing he had calmed down. 

“Are you feeling better?” She asked in a small voice. She stroked his hair as if comforting a child. He then came to the understanding that this was not the first time comforting someone. She analyzed the situation and his person and acted how she thought fit. No child should be able to react like that. 

“H…have you done this before?” He asked. The girl gave him a small nod.

“When anyone mentions daddy to mommy… she gets the same look in her eyes you do. Hugging her and letting her sit helps….” She explained, still stroking his hair. He felt his body droop a little, this time wrapping his arms around her to get an extra grounding. The small child did not complain or say anything to make him pull away, she wrapped her arms around in return and leaned into him. 

“That's…. Not something I would have expected….” He muttered, trying to finish gathering his thoughts. He felt the child let out a tired sigh, but not say another word. He already knew she had suffered quite a few loses in her life, from her father, then her trust, than her mother. But he didn't know what happened to her after the passing of her father. Not once has she brought it up or pushed blame onto her mother. However as an adult she was never one to bring up much about herself without being asked. That seems to be similar to her as a child. Someone who had to learn to be sympathetic and selfless at a young age. Someone who gave up their childish mind at a young age to please others. Someone…. Who was starting to seem similar to him in many more aspects, yet different in their own situation. They both just held each other, enjoying the human contact the silent comfort they got from the other. 

‘Knock Knock” 

“Riddle, you guys ready to go get dinner?” Trey’s voice came from the other side of the door. The second a knock hit the door, Riddle stiffened, but when he heard Treys voice he relaxed, knowing that Trey would not enter without permission. He pulled back, coughing into his hand to get the nerves out of his voice.

“Yes, we are coming.” Riddle called out, cursing the quiver in his voice. The child pulled away letting him have his space. She reached over for the tea, pouring him a cup and handing it to him, hoping that it would make him feel better. Out of every rule in the book, from the way she poured it and failed to place three cubes of sugar in it, he could not turn down her kind offer. He took the cup and took a sip, earning a gentle smile from the young girl. He fought the horrible feeling of breaking the rules and downed the tea like a champ. Once finished he stood up, taking the (Name) into his arms and walking to the door to go have dinner. 

[lazyalani]

Hello, I hope you're well! I hope I'm not bothering you, but if I understood correctly then you currently have requests open for Black Butler?

If I'm wrong, please feel free to delete this ask. I appreciate you taking the time to read it regardless!

If I'm not, then may I please request for Black Butler? I have all kinds of ideas myself about a situation where Ciel brings in another member of staff to help Mey-Rin out with cleaning since she can be clumsy quite often. That being said, the person (Mc, reader, whoever you wish to refer to them as) isn't strong or spiritual or really that special of a person. Borderline Mary Sue with how normal their life seems, but maybe they could have something more to them than just being a normal human. How would some of the characters react to/interact with them? (Preferably romantic headcanons if that's okay, if not then feel free to change it however you wish!) My favorite characters at the manor are Snake and Sebastian, but if you want to add someone different feel free! If you only take one character per request, then can it please be Sebastian?

No pressure, no rush, you don't have to accept this. Thank you for reading my request anyway! I hope you have a lovely rest of your day, please take care of yourself and stay safe! 😊

| Black Butler [Phantomhive Estate]

| When Ciel brings in an assassin as a servant

| i was a little bit confused to what you meant as 'more than a normal human' but i assumed they aren't supernatural but not a normal civilian either, i hope this is okay, gosh im so nervous about this, but i love this request, i got this when i was in rites rehearsal in school lol, only a few dialogues, oc is gender neutral, i wasnt sure if i should put reader or oc but ig oc would fit more i hope its okay, this could also be read as reader cuz its gn anyway, i wanted to write this is fic form but i figured it would be too long, im sorry i couldn't do snake because im not really that familiar with him, this is my frist time taking up this kind of request, mixing up an assassin and romance is a bit confusing so sorry if i dont live up to your expectations, mc is referred to as 'they/them'

Ft. Ciel, Sebastian, Mey-Rin

| Kuroshitsuji Masterlist

| Main Masterlist

Extra Note: I was a lot more motivated to write this cuz you're so sweet :') lots of thanks and hugs for you

CIEL [Platonic]

Ciel encountered them during a mission as the guard dog. An assassin sent to kill him, who ofcourse, failed due to his demonic butler. After suffering an utter defeat on Sebastian's hands, Ciel had a risky idea of bringing them back with him to add to his army servants. He has seen great potential. Although Sebastian had not been fully pleased as it was risky because they were literally sent to kill them, he had respected his master's wishes but kept an eye on them. Waking up to an unknown bedroom and then suddenly being offered a chance to work for someone you were assigned to kill before was definitely surprising for them, but after observing how the 'job' works, they reluctantly accepted.

They weren't good at doing the housework, but they weren't bad either for someone who had just started to work. Still confused, they kept observing Ciel, wondering why they were even offered the job despite almost assassinating him.

"Young Master, may I ask a question?" They asked during dinner time, dusting shelves near the dining table.

"Because you're useful."

"Pardon me?"

"The answer to your question. You were going to ask why I had offered this to you, were you not?" He calmly sipped his tea, then lowering the cup to let Sebastian fill it. "Failed, but not helpless. Surely you understand why I have 'servants' like you, don't you? You'd prove to be a good ally against those pests."

".... Thank you, young master."

"You have yet to prove your full loyalty, show me your devotion, servant."

"Gladly, Earl Phantomhive."

And so they brought back the heads of their former client and their agency employer. With a few days of Sebastian still keeping an eye on them, they had slowly but surely earned the whole manor's trust.

They had soon gotten used to how their job works. Although still a bit clumsy, they had done their best to serve the Earl, gaining fondness for the child. Despite what others think, it was quite easy to have affections for the young master, whether it's out of sympathy or slowly just getting to know him. They understand what draws the other servants to their master. The Earl was cunning and ruthless, but he was still infact a child and in need of support. So they had grown to get used to taking care of him by doing simple actions and words, serving him with gentleness and fondness.

"Young Master, is the blood yours?"

"Young Master, please let me tend to your bruises."

"Young Master, it is time to eat."

"Young Master, what should I tell Sebastian to prepare?"

"Young Master, Bard has made something explode again, please civer your nose from the smoke."

"Young Master, I heard this tea is good for soothing headaches."

"Young Master, I believe it is time to rest."

As an assassin, they understand what it's like to kill. To have a shitty and frustrating background. To have to kill to survive and get what you want. To have to be cautious everytime. To not affording to let your guard down knowing the dangers of your world.

And so they are cautious and wary of anyone getting close to him. A visitor or anyone that's not originally a part of his life before. They always keep them, hence why they requested to have a slight change on their uniform to hide it.

They had heard his story from the other servants and came to an understanding of what Ciel really wants to do, to achieve. Revenge, and if it means protecting the boy and letting him live as much as he can, they will help him towards that goal.

It's only when they are in a mission and they are involved that Ciel is reminded that they are a professional assassin still.

It does make him more confident that while Sebastian is out fighting the main enemy or hunting someone, they can protect him, not letting any other enemy near him and killing them all before they can even take a step forward. It gives him chills, the same ones he feels when Sebastian shows his true abilities. It terrifies him that a human could kill so easily like a demon, and relieves him that he took them in.

Eventually, Ciel has gotten used to their subtle (not really) smothering and protectiveness. He was bothered at first, but he just let it be until he does get used to it, it's a great balance to Sebastian's sarcastic and teasing nature at times. And althought he would never admit it, he does look forward to getting pampered after a long day or mission and not get teased for it (Sebby srlsy).

SEBASTIAN [Romantic]

When he doesn't trust them yet, he sees them as a potential formidable enemy. They may not have defeated him, but they still put up quite the fight for a few minutes. Although defeated, not completely. They might not be a danger for him but they are great danger to his master, being inside the estate and meddling with other servants. He does find them a bit interesting. Normal people may not see it, the assassin's face is neutral, but their eyes are readable, atleast to him. It interests him how their eyes keep on changing emotions, curiosity, observant, interested, empathetic, understanding, sympathetic, pleased, distressed, frustrated, disagreeing, surprised. It interests him how much a human could keep on changing through so many emotions in a short time, and manage to keep it hidden under a neutral mask. And it interests him how they could keep such a calm manner while suspecting something about him.

Sebastian could see it in their eyes whenever they see or interact with him. Cautious, observing, curious. He knows they suspect he isn't human. Ofcourse, what human could do those things he did during their fight. But still, they had kept quiet about it and never asked questions, atleast not verbally. Sebastian could see so many questions hidden in their eyes, and it amuses him to see how they try to keep those questions in. It amuses him how they could really reign their own thoughts and questions despite seeing and interacting with him everyday.

When they had gained his trust, he lets his guard down just a little bit more. He admits, he finds it comforting to finally have someone competent enough in the household to help him. It's not that he really needs help, it's just that he finds it quite a bother and annoying to do every chore while doing his tasks as the Guard Dog's 'assistant' or something.

It's not really a secret that Sebastian finds it easier to be around them than the others. The way his stiffness is nowhere to be found around them, and his voice seems to be less strict. He knows and he doesn't really care when even the Earl points it out. He claims it should serve as a motivation for the others to start working harder if they don't want him to always nag them. Ofcourse he and Ciel knows there's more to it but they don't care (though Ciel definitely would save his thoughts about it for future purposes).

After a while, their curiousty does fade into just being neutral and not giving a shit about who he is or what he is. Despite having suspicions, they let it be because knowing he keeps their master safe is enough. Although they are a bit wary to how he is connected to the young master, they decide to push it down.

Sebastian and them act like normal co-workers as time passes.

"Goodmorning, Sebastian."

"Goodmorning. Has the utensil shelf been polished upstairs?"

"I did that yesterday, shall I do it again?"

"No need. Have the pests been taken care of? There were quite a few crawling around yesterday night."

"They have, I laid them in the 'garden' and let the others clean up. I will check on it again later to make sure the job is done perfectly."

"Good job. Make sure everything is fine while the young master and I take care if everything outside for later."

"Yes. Is the young master still asleep? He didn't overwork himself again, didn't he?"

"It seems that he quite did, seeing as he is still asleep right now and not calling for me. I shall get him ready for the day, I'll leave you to do the rest."

"Yes."

Sebastian does prefer interacting with them than anybody else. Okay, maybe not normal co-workers, but the most normal talk murderers pretending to be servants could do. He prefers talking to them more than any servant because they understand how he talks about the things that aren't meant to be said around anyone else. They have the intelligence Sebastian wants a subordinate to have and he's quite greatful for it. It pleases him that he can now take a little bit more time outside the manor without worrying about it burning down or the young master's safety.

Afterall, their new servant is very skilled in doing their job.

But the main reason it that because he could show sides of himself that aren't meant to be seen even by the other servants. While he may not show his true nature, he does show a little bit of non-human capabilities. Not needing to worry about it makes things easier for him, also because they can cover for him at tines. Their neutral and usual they don't care nature puts him at ease. And them being an assassin definitely adds more ease. Knowing how to kill, and anything that involves it makes it easier for him to slip out and ask a bit help.

It reaches to the point where interacting with them puts him at ease after a long day or after an annoying event. Sebastian is definitely more comfortable around them than anyone else.

He does know what it means. He knows what the little tingle feeling he feels when he hears their voice. He knows what the ease on his back means when he sees them. And he doesn't mind at all. It feels good so why would he deny it? Although it could propose a few problems in the future, but he'll worry about it when it gets there.

When he realizes it, he gets a little more softer on them.

"Job well done as usual."

"After dusting that, you may take a rest."

"Have you eaten? The food I made a while ago is still fresh."

"Ah, do be careful dealing with those pests, they might be quite a handful."

"I imagine you might be tired from dealing with those cockroaches, the tea is still hot, it is good for body pains."

And yes, other people do notice. And yes, Ciel does know, and he doesn't give a shit as long as it doesn't interfere with their missions and tasks. Plus, it gives him opportunities to tease his butler back.

It also adds that whatever is going on will not have to interfere with his tasks to his master because he knows full well that they can protect theirself, the household, and the young master. They are a professional assassin and does not need protection and direct orders and intructions to kill and hunt.

In any case, Sebastian and them would deal with their growing affections slowly and quietly, letting it grow further while letting the each other savor it.

As times passes by, Sebastian does get a little bit more bold with his words and actions. He grows quite more confident when they reciprocate his advances.

All in all, Sebastian was drawn to them because he can show a little more if his true self around them. Because despite disgusing as a servant, they don't exactly differ from when they act as an assassin or a servant. They don't lose their personality and turn into a normal person when changing roles. They are competent in any role they take and know what needs to be done, how to talk about house chores and how to talk about other things, when to meddle, what to do, what needs to be left unasked, how to deal with their emotions efficiently, and does not get distracted by the slights of things.

MEY-RIN [Platonic]

Mey-rin sees them as an older sibling.

Sure they might be monotone and apathetic at most times, but their caring nature makes her think otherwise.

"Mey-rin, be careful, you might fall down."

"Please don't move too much, you might get injured."

"Ah, use this instead of that, this is more effective."

"Oh, don't do that, it will make blood flow out more."

They definitely scare her when they are at the battlefield. Those emotionless eyes and monotone voice are more terryfing than everything when they hold their katana and slash through the enemies. The thought of them being their ally when they keep enemies from coming at her makes her calm.

Merciless, definitely. But she sees them a bit different inside the manor. Those scary eyes are replaced by a neutral face. They rarely smile but she can see their caring actions towards everyone, especially towards their young master.

She was definitely more than happy to know that they can live up to Sebastian's standards in doing house chores because they definitely need help. Although she is ashamed and embarassed to be outdone and to ask for help from a new servant, she can't help but do it and admire them. She can't help but ask them to teach her, and she was happy to know that they agreed.

"I see, instead of doing that, I think you should do it sideways so the duster can cover everything."

"Try cleaning in a more staright posture so you don't fall down."

"How about starting at the top so you don't fall down bending when you start at the bottom of the stairs?"

"I am glad to be of help."

She does look up to them so much. She is very glad that they are as competent in the house chores as they are in the battlefield.

When she observes then, she can quite see the similarities of when they are outside. They still have that stealth when they are walking, that swiftness and speed when doing chores, the effiency when doing tasks, and the quality when doing everything.

It honestly terrifies her how they can just kill so easily without any trace of emotion and pretend to be a normal servant as though nothing happens at night.

Despite obviously having a crush on their resident visual butler, he also does intimidate her in a way the new servant does.

The new servant does make her a little bit more scared, but it brushes of everytime she sees and hears them taking care of everyone. It makes her happy that under that apathetic face they wear, they truly care for all of them. And it makes her relieved that they aren't an enemy.

Ofcourse, she was wary of her before, all of them were. But they did see their improvement. From doing chores improvement to socializing improvement.

When they kind of 'nag' her to be careful on standing in chairs to dust the shelves and clean the stairs, she feels warm. It feels like having an older sibling nag at you to take care of yourself.

They also have the room next to Mey-rin, and when she has her nightmares about her past, they come comforting her. Despite the usual monotone of their voice, she can feel their concern. They may not be much of a talker, their comfort is quiet, but it's enough for her that they listen to her thoughts and worries and understand her.

They also remind her to change her glasses when it's near breaking. Or when she falls and breaks her glasses, they always offer to buy a new one and let her rest and tend to her small bruises.

All in all, she's glad to have someone who can be there for when she's sniper Mey-rin, maid Mey-rin, and sad Mey-rin.

[tojikai]

The main love interests in your stories are cursed to live for all eternity in these scenario:

Home toji: would he still love and mourn y/n forever? Will he ever fully move on?

Fix you toji: if he were to be cursed to live for all eternity along with y/n, will he always never come to love y/n more over mamguro or ever come to the point where if given the chance he wouldn’t trade y/n for a alive mamaguro?

pm gojo: would he always love y/n the most for all eternity and just yarn for her? Would he ever fully move on? If he were cursed to live with rie forever, would he ever grow to love her more than y/n herself?

In forlorn: will he forever mourn and miss y/n? Would he forever love her and never fully move on? Would it ever get better for him or just worse

Masquerade geto: if he were cursed to live for all eternity with y/n, would he always love her cousin over her anyway, would he ever come to love y/n?

Sundered: would he always love y/n? Will he ever fully move on or love someone else more than y/n and yui? Since he’s immortal and they’re not…… after they passed would he forever mourn them? And never move on? What would that be like for him? If he were cursed to live with naomi forever, would he ever grow to love her more than y/n herself?

Catharsis: by the time he knows they could still be alive and he still hasn’t found them years after, would he have stopped looking for them? Or would he move forward and maybe had even start a family or dating? Could he be capable of doing so? By the time he knows for sure they aren’t alive anymore, how would he be feeling and thinking towards it? Would he ever move on living forever when he never found his family?🥹

oooh, let's answer these~!!

home: nope. toji will not move on. his mistakes, what happened to his rs and marriage w yn and what happened to her will forever be in his mind. he's the type if mc who'll beg to die just so his suffering will stop but still can't help but think that he deserves it, so he continues to live in pain :((

fix you: that's impossible. he'll trade anyone for an alive mamaguro. he loves yn and as long as she's w him, he'll cherish her w everything he has. but if managuro comes in the picture, that will be a different story :'>

pm: gojo will never move on from yn. he'll always love her over anyone, even over himself and no matter who he ends up w he's always gonna wish it's yn. if he's cursed to live w rie forever, he will not grow to love her more than yn even if she emulates everything abt yn. h

forlorn: gojo's yearning snd mourning for hn will jus get worse w time. w frustrations and regrets piling up, it's impossible for him to find peace in anything aside from being w yn

masquerade: I can't really answer this bc the series is not done yet sorry 🥹 but let's just say that yn was the reason why it all happened (why he wa stuck w her fir eternity) he'll probably only grow to hate her the more he sees her, no matter how good she is bc he'll always be reminded that it's all her fault </3

sundered: goji will never be able to love anyone more than yn and yui. he can love them but never more than yn and yui, and never the same love as he had for them. and if he gets stuck w naomi forever (if she didn't do what she did) he'll learn to love her for her good sides BUT STILL, never the same as yn. he'll still prefer to die and meet yn than that :''>

catharsis: gojo wouldn't stop until he finds yn and yui. unless someone tells him w proof that they're gone from the face of the earth, he won't stop. and if they're really gone, it'll take him a long long time to fully come to terms w it. he can start a family again, but im afraid he won't be able to love them fully. he'll probably still look for yn and yui, which can only break it again. there's no full healing for that :'<

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi again!

Can you do a Saeyoung imagine set during the time he's in MC's apartment after Saeran's intrusion, where MC is masc and has ADHD + Depression?

I was thinking maybe you can do some soft comfort where Seven begins to regret his coldness after MC goes nonverbal or limp (something that happens sometimes when im under a lot of stress) and he helps him calm down?

Saeyoung regrets his cruelty before it was even leaves his mouth.

You are the sweetest guy he's ever met in his entire life, and he can't imagine hurting you the way he feels he needs to to make sure you survive. He knows that if he doesn't scare you away, you might end up like his brother, and considering what he saw, he doesn't think he can risk something like that happening ever again.

The pain in his brother's eyes was enough, and to imagine something like that on your face viscerally gives him the ick. He can't stand it. He can't stand hurting you. But, what's the alternative?

What's the alternative here? If he decides to keep you in his life, then it's only a matter of time until somebody finds out you're close to him, and they use you against him. You don't know the depths of his despair nor do you know how many people he has pissed off in the short amount of time he's been trapped in that agency. Those people would do unspeakable things to you in the name of revenge, and he could do nothing to stop it. 

How could he live with himself if that happened? 

In one reality, in one bad timeline, where you do get taken away and tortured, it devastates him to the point of no return. He finds himself unable to do anything, hopeless and lost, filled with despair at the acknowledge you suffer because you care for him. That is something people look to exploit when they want to take someone down, and if he can do anything to stop it, he will.

Even if it means being cruel to you when he doesn't want to be. 

He's not exactly the world's best liar when it comes to you. He can lie right through his teeth to anybody else in this world but not you, never you, and for that reason, if you looked between the lines of his words, you would find that every time he told you to go away, his eyes were telling you to come closer. It doesn't excuse his actions or take away from the fact that he hurt you, but it gives a greater insight as to why he would even think of doing it in the first place. 

But, what fills him with the most regret is seeing you distraught like that, with hot tears in your eyes and muscle weakness dragging you down. He tried to justify it to himself a hundred times but it never worked.

You wouldn't know it until he told you what he did, but every time he turned from you, pulled his hood over his head and shoved headphones on, he wept silent tears that made it that much harder to work. 

It's when he sees you in agony that he wants to take everything back. He regrets being cruel to someone who fell in love with him and knew there was more to him than just pranks and jokes. When you're laying on the ground, staring into distant space, he quietly drapes his jacket over your shoulders and helps you back into a seated position against the couch. You sob, a palpable sound, but one that reminds him he is the one to blame.

"Sorry," you babbled. You thought it was all your fault. "I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore, I promise. I promise. I know you need to go as soon as you finish, it's okay, just— just leave me alone. I'll be okay once my heart calms down."

He had a sinking feeling in his chest at the thought that you suffered from this feeling any time you were overwhelmed by something. It was likely an involuntary response, your body being so overwhelmed that it had no choice but to shut down, and he was to blame for that this time around. He thought he could make you cry once and maybe it would be enough to show you that he wasn't the kind of person you would want in your life.

But, you didn't give up on him.

Why wouldn't you give up on him? 

Hiccups, sobs, and words that made less and less sense to him burned his ears. This was all his fault. He did this to you in some misguided attempt to make it hurt less later... but it wouldn't hurt less, would it? He hurt you now trying to avoid hurting you in the future... it's all hurt... and it's all wrong.

He didn't say anything for the longest time, but he stayed there by your side, silently going through every single excuse and apology in the book he had until—

"I'm afraid of losing you."

Silence.

"[Y/N], I'm afraid you'll get hurt like my brother if you stick close to me. I'm afraid of losing you like I've lost Saeran. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be mean to you. I don't want to be the cause of pain for you in any way! But, I know if you stay, you'll suffer in ways I'm afraid I can't even begin to explain because it gets worse every time I think about it."

Shame.

"I care about you so much that... that I would rather spend the rest of my life knowing you're safe than knowing you could get killed any day because of me. If you died because of me... I would never be able to... to forgive myself. Even if you find happiness somewhere else, as long as you live to see the sunrise... that... that can be enough for me. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made hurt you. I thought this would be better... better than losing you forever."

Guilt.

Your sniffles didn't die down but from the corner of his eyes, he saw a glimmer of hope, your fingers gripping his jacket like a lifeline.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

trigun anon again! The way you described Vash couldn't be more true, as someone who loves the "character who goes to unimaginable trauma but still chooses to be kind" (Atsushi Nakajima for example TvT), Vash is such a genuine character and SAME I would give him so much hugs he just absolutely deserves it :'<<

Hope you don't mind me going on a small spiel on Vash (no spoilers dw!) but I love how he fits the character trope mentioned above but he also stands out from the conventional cinnamon roll/kind hearted character. As you mentioned, what I find most interesting about him is how he's also relatively distant/difficult to read. It's also interesting that the anime doesn't particularly give a lot of the character's internal thoughts/dialogue unlike the usual animes (Meryl probably having the most) so it gives the audience further distance from Vash despite him being the MC.

What I love the most I swear about Vash is the beautiful irony and hypocrisy of his character, his inability to choose sides because he just wants to HELP others in any way he can because of his genuine care for people but also fears being close to them because he is the "Humanoid Typhoon". Im glad to share appreciation for his character esp since I haven't brainrotted over a character as much as I have for Ranpo Edogawa (he's my fave character in bsd and all time due to how well written he is <33) and I'm sure you'll love him more once you get to see the later eps,

Thank you for taking the time to read this ask and sorry its so long TvT!!!

Hey hey again! I'm sorry I took so long to get to this!

First off, never apologize for long asks! I love reading what people have to say, always!

Yes, Vash is a wonderful character! As I've finished the show now and am on to the manga, I can easily say he's worked his way into being one of my favourite characters in general! It's like you've said, he's genuine but also closed off, compassionate but keeps his distance. He's so idealistic but he's seen and suffered far too much to be naive. Old and young at the same time. Not human yet painfully human. He's such a wonderful contradiction.

I will say though, that I interpret the whole "sides" thing a bit differently. Everyone's accusing him of having to "pick a side" but he kind of already has. He's on everyone's side. From an outsider's perspective though... that looks like no one's.

So then, in episode 12, when Vash makes the decision to assert his beliefs and fight for them - it's not that he's "finally picked a side"; this is what he always believed. I think it's more that he realized he can't be on everyone's side all at the same time. Sometimes people won't listen. Sometimes you have to make a judgement call if you want to protect what matters to you. ...unfortunately, any attempt Vash made to do so and perhaps try to pick up the pieces in the aftermath quite literally blew up in his face... poor guy...

(Also you like Atsushi and Ranpo? You have great taste! Ranpo has such a fantastic arc. It'll be really cool to see where he goes in the future.)

[theinyshlobster]

this fatal kiss by alicia jasinska [review]

read from july 11th - august 4th

warning:

please be aware this was an ARC ! ive removed some spoilers in my review, if you still would like to read my full review, please check out my goodreads :)

review:

thank you NetGalley & PeachTree Teen for providing me with a copy of this ARC! 

this fatal kiss follows gisela, an undead water nymph (a rusałka) who dreams of returning to the mortal world, which can be done if she receives a kiss from a mortal. but its kind of hard to get someone to kiss you when you’re freezing at the touch. in comes kazik, the town’s exorcist, who cant stand the spirits that run the town he lives in. after flubbing gisela’s exorcism, he agrees to get a mortal to kiss her. insert hijinks!

so, right off the bat, i loved this book’s LGBT+ rep. the fact both the MCs are bisexual is so beautiful i loved to see it. the fact gisela and kazik are unapologetically bi is so refreshing to see. the lgbt+ rep ate in this book. no notes there.

spoilers redacted

the chemistry between kazik & gisela was great. gisela is such a funny, charismatic and easy character to empathise with. kazik’s growth was great to witness, and his interactions with gisela are so good. their chemistry was off the charts. 

as a fellow slavic (dont ask from where specifically nobody knows) i LOVED the seamless integration of slavic culture within the story. yapping about kefir & goulash made my little balkan heart sing, and the way the general vibe of the story managed to balance its setting to be contemporaneous yet also holding true to its slavic nature was so nice to read. its rare to read a book featuring eastern european culture and god i couldnt get enough.

the book also has some GREAT humour. this book does not take itself seriously, and it was such a good book to read. it had a nice lighthearted vibe which made the atmosphere feel so cozy whilst managing to still crack me up with funny one-liners or even just how the characters were acting. like im sorry gisela is a comedy queen. kazik and other characters did have some humorous moments, but gisela solo’d.

now.. you may be wondering why this is only a 3-star. 

for starters, i think the biggest thing holding this book back for me was the lack of tension. i wasnt truly worried for the main characters, even when they were in “concerning” or “dangerous” situations. there werent too many situations where they were in danger, but even then, the tension was resolved super quickly.

spoilers redacted

the situations they were placed in werent too serious, so i knew the characters would make it out ok, therefore i had no motivation to actually… read this. and ive read lighthearted low stakes stories with no tension (like legends & lattes), but the plot was still interesting! it felt like the story really floundered in the middle, was gripping for the first 50 & last 100 pages. 

the world building at times suffered from exposition dumps, especially surrounding the other spirits in the area and certain lore. i am by no means a fiction writer so i imagine i would do a horrific job at explaining fantasy elements if i were to hypothetically write a story but. a lot of times the exposition or lore dumps were literally just “insert creature. they do xyz, and beef with abc”. it did get a bit annoying by the end where something was only explained once it had been introduced. sometimes it went nowhere, and sometimes the worldbuilding was addressed there & then (like the spirit just introduced was staring gisela or kazik straight in the face). idk i got tired of the repetitive way lore was conveyed.

the ending was a bit of a letdown im not going to lie. i expected a lot more to happen, especially in the epilogue. the plot has mostly been resolved, but yet everything is kind of left super open? gisela’s family is just touched on after that being her motivation for the entire plot.. kazik’s story still being open… aleksy doing literally who knows what. idk i would’ve liked a chapter with a bit more of a flash forward & with a more conclusive ending for the characters.

spoilers redacted

overall, i will say i had a good time. although i wasn’t reaching for this book quite often due to there being a lack of tension to pull me in & have me worried for the characters, once i was reading i was having a ball. the atmosphere and world created by jasinska was fabulous, and really gave a cutesy cottagecore meets mythology vibe. i will always give extra points for hitting me in the Culture Feels™️, but the ending was a bit disappointing :(

i can’t wait for this book to come out so i can oggle at gisela fan art 

[blues824]

hiii hii !! I hope you’re doing great and taking care of yourself! I actually wasnt sure if requests were open but if by chance they are, could I request all the brothers from obey me and their reaction to a shinobu!reader?? It made upset seeing mc being killed in lesson 16 but imagine before belphie could even lay a finger on them, he suddenly cant move because of the poison mc sneaked in

thank you so much and im super sorry if requests arent open ^^”

This is an awesome idea! Thank you for your request!

Lucifer

He’s taken aback by your friendly and cheerful personality. Until he finds out it’s a facade when you start teasing Mammon with a cheerful tone. Nice one, Y/N. You tend to mislead others by your little trick and tend to go in for the kill when they’re at their weakest.

However, when the events of Lesson 16 occur, your true colors show. Your intense hatred for demons of any kind comes through. Before Belphie could even lay a finger on you, you used your sword before he had any chance to register. After you slashed and paralyzed him, you told Lucifer that you specialize in poisons and antidotes and when Belphegor calms down, you would gladly give him the antidote.

He notices that your hatred goes so far that you are always in a constant state of anger and pain. You went to a Devildom therapist to talk about it and possibly try and help your mental state. You told them that you lost your sister, your parents, your students, and the families of the employees of the manor. Of course, since you are an exchange student, the most important pieces of this info go to Lord Diavolo, who then tells Lucifer since you are staying with the brothers.

You are then forced to tell Lucifer all about what you were like when you were younger. He loves hearing the stories, especially with how soft and airy your voice is. Your temper seems to be through the roof when someone makes you get to that point of irritation, though. More times than one, Lucifer has had to pick you up and carry you out of the room so you would have a chance to calm down.

Now, for your Demon Slaying abilities, Lucifer stands intrigued. Your sword seems to act as a stinger and inject poison into your opponent. He will definitely ask you a few questions here and there. You explain that you makeup for your lack in physical strength by putting some type of lethal poison on your blade to kill a demon.

Mammon

Mans was completely fooled by your sweet and kind demeanor. He wouldn’t suspect anything was going on because he’s kinda dumb. He will find out after you literally pick on him for messing up on something supposedly easy to do.

When the events of Lesson 16 occur, Mammon sees who you truly are. He sees that you show no hesitation when it comes to defeating demons. Of course, you didn’t kill Belphie, you left him paralyzed with the poison you selected. 

From then on, he notices the slight strain on your everyday smile. You will poke at and tease him to have a bit of an outlet of your anger. After you get further into your relationship, you tell him all the pain you went through to get to where you are today. You tell him that you’re always so angry, and it’s not very healthy for you.

When you tell him of all the pain and suffering you went through and how you bottled it all up with a smile, he hugs you. He’s glad you told him, because now he can help. As rude as he can be, he will be genuinely kind to you and you alone. 

As for your demon slaying abilities, Mammon first wanted to make a profit off of them. Then you held your blade at his neck with an intimidating smile on your face and politely said no. He had never been so scared of you before. But he is impressed by your outstanding abilities.

Leviathan

You remind him of the insect hashira from the anime ‘Help! Rip-off Michael Jackson turned my sister into a demon and now I’m trying to find a cure for her!’ You even look like the character! You act the exact same, so he can predict what’s going to happen.

Nothing could prepare him for the events of Lesson 16, though. One second, he saw Belphie go for your neck, the next he saw you with your sword out and Belphie was on the ground paralyzed. You told everyone in the room that the next time something like this occurs, they will wish that they were only paralyzed.

He already knows about your hidden rage. He will become a tad more understanding whenever you tease him because his brothers tend to do it whenever they are upset. After you get far enough into your relationship, you tell him about all the excruciating pain you went through. He can tell you’re always so angry, so he suggests video games as an outlet.

He will hold you in his arms while whispering to you about how proud he is of you and how much he loves you. It will be one of the few times where he puts his insecurities aside and focuses on someone else. He knows that right now you need him, and he will do his best.

As for your demon slaying abilities, he’s not jealous. I mean this seriously. He will definitely record your training because he finds it so cool. He will edit a photo so that the background is blurred and will put it as his lock and home screens.

Satan

He knew there was more to your story than you let on. However, he had trouble piecing together what it could be. You were good, Y/N. However, it was his move to get you into an impossible checkmate. He noticed how your mood always slightly wavered when something upset you.

When the events of Lesson 16 burst in like the FBI, he was able to catch a glimpse of all the pent up rage and anger. He could always sense it, being the Avatar of Wrath and all, but he never got a sense of how much. Even he has never been so angry. You leave his youngest brother paralyzed and you have your sword out… you also have an eerily calm expression on your face.

Once he gets a sense of how deep your frustration and anger is, he tries to give you different options as an outlet. Often, he will read you into a peaceful sleep as a way to calm you down. When you tell him about all the pain you went through, he will also be angry. Angry that someone as sweet as you had to go through so much character development.

He will, like I said, read you to sleep. You will lay your head in his lap as he reads in a soft voice and runs his fingers softly across the back of your neck. There will be times where he uses magic to recreate a mini version of the story.

As for your demon slaying capabilities, he stands very impressed. He never knew humans could do something like that. The more you know. He will definitely bring his hobby of photography along and take pictures of your training. He will most definitely save them as progress pictures.

Asmodeus

He loves your style! The haori and the inspiration from butterflies! It’s so elegant in such a cute way! He will definitely create his own haori to match you. That aside, he is completely oblivious to what lies underneath that happy and cheerful mask.

When the events of Lesson 16 play out, Asmo couldn’t believe you were capable of something like this. One second, Belphie was lunging out towards you, the next, you had your sword out and Belphegor was paralyzed. Asmo could only stare in absolute shock.

When he gets a sense of all the rage you hide within you, he will suggest spa days to try and calm you down. He will give you soft shoulder massages to relieve all the tension from the day. He will put Lo-Fi on in the background to set a relaxing atmosphere.

When you tell him about all the pain and suffering you had to go through, he’s not too surprised. Everyone has dark secrets. However, he will not allow you to blame yourself for anything. He will hold you in his arms until you feel better (although he might not let you go even when that happens).

As for your demon slayer abilities, he finds them so awesome. You look so graceful while training and he can’t help but take a few pictures of you for Devilgram. He would totally make matching workout outfits and he will be doing a few workouts with you. He hates sweating, but he likes the long-lasting effects.

Beelzebub

Mans is oblivious to the true beast that lies within you. You are a very good actor, with a great fake smile, and he’s kind of naive. He often teases his brothers too, so he might join you every now and then. He has no idea that you take your anger out on those close to you.

When the events of Lesson 16 unravel themselves, he’s torn. He loves you, but he loves Belphie too. As his twin lunged at you, you took your blade and slashed at him. And then he couldn’t move. Beel didn’t know how he should feel at this moment. 

When you calmly tell everyone in the room that if something like this should happen again you’d dip your blade in a more lethal poison, he finally sees all that you hide. He gets a sense of all the anger you keep hidden away from everyone. It’s not healthy to bottle it up, Y/N! :(

When you tell him about all the pain and suffering you went through in your life, he will hold you closer. He will whisper sweet nothings into your ear whenever you wake up from a nightmare to get you back to sleep. He knows what it’s like to lose someone close to you, he used to have nightmares as well.

As for your demon slaying abilities, consider Beelzebub your new training partner. He sees that your training uses exercises that work out muscles that he’s never considered before. Plus, he sees how graceful you look when training and hopes he could do something like that.

Belphegor

He knows that you are hiding pure hatred behind your smile. He did the same thing to you, after all. You are essentially the same. He tricks you by reading you like an open book. He will let you rant on and on and you will help him escape.

When Lesson 16 occurs, he feels betrayed because you betrayed him after he betrayed you. Like, you weren’t supposed to do that. You paralyzed him with your sword so fast he never stood a chance. Then you whisper that you knew he was going to betray you at some point in such a chilling way.

After all of this is ‘resolved’ (we never forgot, Belphegor), you both kind of just trauma dump. You tell each other the pain you both have gone through. The loss of his sister and falling from Heaven. Your sister dying at the hands of a demon and the loss of all your friends’ families.

You two can often be caught wrapped up with each other in a peaceful nap. Each of the brothers have at least 17 pictures because it was too cute to pass up the opportunity. He will hold you close and use his powers if you have a nightmare. He knows how your past can haunt you.

As for your demon slaying abilities, he stands impressed. When he finds out the extent of your capability aside from paralyzing him, he will be intrigued. He won’t participate in your training, but good for you, Y/N.

[kani-miso]

they surely very much so

if i like something alot i WILL analyse it.

so real. anyways, in the story im pretty sure most of the town brought them down purposely. like, its so strange,,, i didn't even believe they'd do that,,, i loved the town in the machi event but in the gekokujo event? nuh uh

wardens are basically treated like objects ngl. im crying 'talking chromosome' plsase someone end me.

yeah, its also the only ones that can be seen. there are possibly more but they couldn't fit it in the frame. i suspect atleast 11 stacks.

YES I HAVE READ SIDE S IM CRYING I DIDNT THINK JACKALOPE WOULD SMOKE.

IT LITERALLY MAKES ME SO ILL LIKE FYM YOU DONT CARE IM GONNA PUNT THEM

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THAT LINE BROKE ME INTO PIECES. THEY ARE LITERALLY INDOCTRINED INTO THE MILGRAM RELIGION

I LITERALLY FORGOT ABOUT JACKA TRYING TO CUT SUMI/TORCH'S (i forgot which one) BREATH OFF LIKE WHAT. also the old milgram wardens dont even have the security protection thingy,,, i remember torch got strangled by one of the prisoners once.

t3 es will be so amane core

YAYAYAY

wait im gonna analyse it bc i like it/srs

clothing

the person behind es is so very obviously past es. past es is wearing a white robe that seems to look like the milgram novel 2 uniform. in milgram novel 2, mako died because she was murdered by her friend in the prison because he was happy to see her dead (not as in he hates her or anything, he likes seeing people suffer for fun), you making es wear the uniform is sorta implying they replaced mako's place in the prison after she died becoming the secret 6th prisoner or the 5th prisoner's replacement. this could possibly imply that es was also one of the prisoners that were forgiven by torch. in milgram, if you were voted innocent, there's a very high chance you will be chosen as the next warden to continue the cycle of torture.

jackalope

jackalope is not visible anywhere in this edit, he is infact edited out, but why? this could reference the fact that es was happier than now even when in prison. they are still calm and collected if they are a prisoner, thus smiling. when they became the warden and went to jackalope's hands, all hope was lost. you can see that current es has a fixed neutral face, hiding their true self behind the pathological warden facade.

book

their book has the title 'how to mine in mc (minecraft). this references the freedom and free will they had before, despite being a prisoner locked in milgram.

#ivoted

es having messy hair is already canon anyways, I LOVE THE POSE SYMBOLISM IN THAT CARD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

i think it's a neat detail to have current es duller than pre-warden es.

im a flower symbolism freak. its such a high chance that the prisoners will demonize es in t3 because they technically "caused" haruka to khs (even though its the audience's fault) im crying.

STOPPPP HARUKA WJSNXNWJEJC

knew it. there wouldn't be two es' for no reason

im so sorry past es looks like a poor person ngl. yeah!!! amnesia is usually caused by alzheimers. alzheimers is an illness that is caused by traumatic brain injury that would result in amnesia. when you have alzheimers, its usually hard to see or even remember peoples faces correctly so you end up forgetting them. you'd even forget your name, age, what you're wearing, and even forgetting how to make your organs function which results in death.

SAMEEE SUMI LITERALLY DIED BEFORE MILGRAM TOO..

im also an organ symbolism freak.

thanks for the compliment, i feel loved. I THOUGHT IT WAS INTENTIONAL??? OH MY GOD??? yeah,, fym you suddenly became violent, hate touch and hate sexual desires for no reason... (< im making an analysis about the whole ca and csa survivor es theory)

LMAO i knew it wasnt intentional but good god the number symbolism fits so well,,,

its cute but so depressing if you look at it symbolically,,

zoo wee mama!?

yeah, the bars on es' room literally looks like prison bars with the letter S in between each bar,,, im so dead kill me. yeah, milgram aint giving them their memories any time soon.

woops, i meant something like yknow, inwards = inside the place the fence is surrounding. outwards = outside of the fence!!

YOU ALSO MADE THE LARGE PART OF THE FENCE LOOK LIKE A BIG HEART THAT'S CONNECTED BUT THERES BARS IN THEIR HEART SHOWING HOW THEY'RE IMPRISONING THEIR EMOTIONS AND NOT LETTING IT OUT EHSGDBABABSNA

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN

thats fine, i was more analysis material.

yeah. i shouldnt kms, that shit kills me.

下剋上

i need to stop drawing them with a baby face all the time😭😭

if u find any symbolisms here it was probably an accident i suck at analysing and all that

An and Es when they have 2 letter names and were raised in an environment that they believed and trusted in only to realise that the truth was being hidden from them (if that makes sense)

who died???? probably their freedom

^ if that makes. sense (I SAID THAT ALREADY)

based off this

if u saw me post this b4 u didnt

[obeythebutler]

It says requests are open but I dont know if I can request angst?, so if not or you dont feel like it, dont worry just ignore this !

I was thinking of a scenario where the MC has passed (not by age) and everyone is grieving obviously. So Solomon, with the help of Barbatos, makes a little trinket ( maybe it looks like a polaroid picture) and gives one to everyone.

In there they can store their favourite memory of the MC and can revisit it anytime they want. For some its a memory of just the two (MC and LI) and for others its a memory that includes everyone since they miss seeing everyone happy ( and maybe for Solomon he revisits the memory while figuring out how to bring them back?)

I just thought it would be a nice angst full of grief, nostalgia, love and regret.

Im not sure who this would be for but my favourites are Asmo, Solomon and Simeon, so maybe one or all of them? But you can choose others if you want and feel like it. Sorry for the lengthy request I just love your angst :c

🥀

The picture is hidden amongst the many books and potions protected by a spell in his room.

Its a picture of you two smiling, and Solomon has got bunny ears on. The potion you two were making had an ingredient wrong, which led to him getting those peculiar ears.

His new visage was too hilarious to not take a picture of. Solomon remembers, that he pouted when the picture was taken.

It's the only memory left of you, for now.

You died.

It was the work of a lesser demon, and Solomon made sure the filth got an eternity of suffering.

With the help of Barbatos, a memory of you was put in the picture, something that he visits on days when the frustration and desperation boils over and make him tear at his books in rage.

It gives him strength to continue.

Because, in the end, even if he has to take his own life, you'll be back.

In a corner of Simeon's room, a space is reserved especially for the Polaroid picture.

A picture of you and him giggling, with flour smeared on both of your faces as cookies bake in the oven. It was a cheerful afternoon, and you had come over to bake some choco-chip cookies with him.

The flour spilled halfway on you, covering you in white.

Simeon finds himself smiling as he remembers the pleasant day, but then he's faced with harsh reality.

You're gone.

Solomon and the brothers made sure the demon that, t-that killed you would never have a moment of peace again.

But no matter how much you punish someone, you can't be brought back, can you?

Solomon has said the opposite, and buried himself in ancient texts, looking for a way. Luke had cried for many nights, and Simeon remembers how he made him some tea, just like you used to. It's a bittersweet memory.

He can only hope you'll be back.

In a secret drawer in his lavish vanity, a picture lies, surrounded by trinkets.

It's a picture of you and Asmodeus giggling as he painted your nails, and he remembers how the bottle spilled on his hand, and he remembers your sweet laugh.

You had kissed him after as an apology.

Asmodeus finds himself smiling at the memory. He indulges himself in the last bit of you on those nights when he's too drunk to think clearly, and the only thing left on his mind is you.

You aren't here anymore.

The filth that killed you suffered, he made sure. But no matter how much he tore at flesh and broke bones, you weren't back.

Solomon had said you would come back. But how long? How long would this torture continue?

When he wakes up in the mornings and sees the Polaroid picture in his hands, he immediately places it back in his drawer.

It's an addicting pain, the only memory of you.

It's his own torture, he willingly lets himself suffer.

Time is too slow now, because each moment without you is an empty one.

[diavolosthots]

Would you consider writing this? MC (female) has a crush on Lucifer, but he’s been acting weird lately, everyone assumes it’s because he has a date soon and at this point MC kind of just gives up on the possibility of being with him. I’ll leave the ending up to you, could be angst, fluff, whatever you want.

I wanted to make you suffer but honestly all of us could use some love. Also i made this GN since... Gender isnt important to this.

Discussions ( LUCIFER X GN!READER )

Hes been acting so odd lately. That in itself was, of course, not really odd, since he does it all the time. But its been different lately. For one, he was way more agitated, so easily on edge about everything. It was the slightest way he held his knife differently at dinner or the way his stacks of paperwork seemed to be even higher than usual. 

"Maybe he has a secret lover~" Asmodeus chimned one evening, immediately making your heart sink at the dinner table. Lucifer had left early, excusing himself from the table, something he never did. Your eyes had followed his leaving form until he had disappeared, the dinner suddenly not tasting as good any more. Asmodeus' words were no comfort either and it just made you let out a quiet sigh. "I'm surprised if he does have someone." Satan added to the mix. Something about his wording made you angry, kind of ironically. Lucifer wasnt that bad; not to you anyway. 

"Im not feeling well… I'm going to excuse myself to bed." You mumbled, pushing yourself up from the seat and walking out. No one had protested, unsurprisingly, as you made your way through the darkened hallway. 

Images of Lucifer and what he could be doing flashed in front of your face ever so often and it took you everything to walk past his door. 

Except that you didnt. 

Your body stopped you, halting and listening in on the rustling inside. He shifted, a lot actually. It almost sounded as if he was taking his room apart, although something told you that wasnt the case. Should you…? Maybe you should. With a knock to his door you almost regretted it immediately. The shifting stopped and you watched the eldest open the door "(Y/N)? Is there something you need?" 

You chewed on your lip for a second. Is there something you need? "Uhm… i-im sorry to just knock… uh… I'm actually wondering if … if you need something?" He raised an eyebrow at you, listening to your messy sentence as he leaned against the door frame. "No. I'm quite alright, thank you. It seems, though, as if that isnt what you meant to ask me. " 

How is he so good? You averted his gaze, looking down to twiddle your thumbs. "Uhm… I'm just… are you okay? I know its none of my business but you seem so… off lately. Maybe im just looking too far into it! I'm sorry if I overstepped a line…"

He watched you try to find the right words, his face dropping into one if amusement. You were, indeed, adorable to him. 

He reached out a gloved hand, cupping your chin in his hands and forcing you to look up at him, "such attention to detail… now that you mention it, there is one thing that has been bothering me." 

Your cheeks were heating up at his gesture and you tried to look anywhere but his eyes, although they seemed to draw you in. "A-and.. What's t-that?" He watched you closely, kicking the door open further with his food. 

Your gaze turned from his and into his room. It was dark, lit up only by candles and the fireplace on the other side. "I've been rather lonely lately and have been itching for some of my favorite company." The way he emphasized the word 'favorite' made your face heat up even more. "F-favorite…?" He nodded, taking his hand from your chin and taking your hand instead. "Yes. Come in, I made tea and fluffed up the chairs. I cant have you uncomfortable~" 

Your feet seemed to follow him in slow motion, eyes set on the fire in the fireplace before meeting his again. "But.. W-why?" 

He frowned, leaning down to your level, "why you? Have I not made myself clear in my advancements ?" You shook your head slowly, suddenly feeling so small. 

"Because I hold feelings for you, dear, now come on. We have things to discuss." 

[lovee-infected]

When will it come out where Epel cut off MC I am still waiting until this day (I'm waiting) I'm not rushing you at all but I hope you are doing well 😢 (im sad)

“Apple of my eye”

(A/N): Sorry that it took so long! Hope you enjoy this anyway dears! ~ ♡

Ever since Epel decided to cut ties with you after learning the truth of you being a girl, his life has been nothing but an absolute nightmare. He's got his days filled with fear and his nights filled with regret, wishing there to be a way for both of you to forget. Forget all the times you made him laugh, and all the times he made you cry. He wanted there to be a way for the of you to move on with your lives as if you'd never hurt one another like now. But as it is for now, he is just one step far from being trapped inside this hell forever alone, because you're finally about to leave the twisted wonderland, forever.

Living in Night Raven college has brought you nothing but pain since the day Epel, your trusted best friend and the guy you once loved rejected you after learning the fact that you are a girl. Each and every second spent around all your friends and people you used to admire felt like a torture. How long? For how long are you going to wait until them too throw you away like Epel did? For how much longer can you pretend to be fine until everyone left around you turn their backs on you as well? Days? Weeks? Months? Or have they already given up on you?

You can't take it, it just hurts so much. Even when there's a friend around, it feels like you're ready to break down in tears and run away again and again; just like it happened with Epel. Why does it hurt you so much though? You were supposed to be strong. You were all on your own when you first came into twisted wonderland, you thought you'd be able to handle it again on your own from now on. But uh, how wrong you were. To think that you'd be as strong as you used to now that your dearest one has left you behind...

No wonder why you immediately agreed to Headmaster Crowley's offer when he argued that he might've found a way to send you back home by passing through the black mirror under 2 conclusions : 1) You'll never be able to make a return to twisted wonderland and 2)You won't remember anyone, or anything from this world. As if it has never existed.

At this point, forgetting Epel and everything about him forever seemed to be the only way of letting go of the pain... Now that you can't have him, best would be to never remember how much you once loved.

"(y/n)... is leaving?" Epel murmurs. Rook shakes his head as a yes, all he could do was to at least let Epel know after how things had gone between you and him lately.

Perhaps Rook was the only one who exactly knows happened that morning, the day Epel tainted each and every memory you once had beside him which you used to recall as your sweetest days of life.

Even as Rook was just sneak peaking behind the wall and all he could do was to listen to Epel shouting and you trying to calm him a bit, he's pretty certain that he heard the sound of your heart breaking the moment Epel mercilessly told you that he's cutting ties with you.

Young Epel really did have a hidden dark side all this time, didn't he...?

Lucky of him that Rook was the only one who saw that. Rook may not be that respective toward people's privacy, but he does know how to keep a friend's secret. As for now, he had to agree that your case was concerning. Not just for you but for Epel himself as well. It's pretty rare of him to feel so but he you can tell that he does care.

"In a few days or so, just enough of time for her to patch stuff up and, well, say goodbye to her friends,"

Friends, huh? To think that not so long ago Epel deserved to be reminded as your friend... How fast did it all change,right? Time is an absolutely terrifying thing, he thinks.

A moment of silence passes until Rook speaks up: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

'Say good bye',...This sentence keeps on being repeated inside Epel's head. Why would you even want to hear these words coming from him while Epel himself was the only reason that you have to leave? He hurt you and there was no way to undo what he did to you, even if he could one day be able to face that you, his best friend and at some point, the only friend ever since he stepped into night raven college are a girl, it was impossible to look into your eyes again like he hadn't done all the terrible works he did.

That is a fact, he can't fix a broken heart, neither his or yours. Yes, he was mad at you and is still mad. He felt so used to see that you of all people couldn't even trust him with such a simple thing like your gender. The fearful thought of you getting that close to him because he was nothing but a naïve boy who couldn't tell the difference between male and female. If so, were all the times you told Epel that you cared for him a lie? Did you just want to play him around because he was a lonely boy who didn't have any other friends to talk to? Did you too find him stupid...? Why (y/n)? Why..??

Epel bites his lower lip trying his best not to cry in front of Rook. He already cries enough every night in bed and doesn't need another audience watching him suffer.

"Epel?" Rook calls, making Epel realize that he hasn't yet answered his question.

No, he isn't going to walk up to you just to say goodbye. But if he refuses to do so, wouldn't it make that heartless "I'd rather cut ties with you" his very last sentence to you...?

Epel rolls over and his bed again again, another sleepless night. Though something made this night worse than the previous ones, tommorow would be the day that you'll quit his world forever, and he didn't even come to say his last goodbye...

When was the last time he Epel got a proper night sleep anyway? He can't remember. He's sure been a while that he wanted to take a second in peace, either through sleeping or through reality. When he was awake, he wanted to shut his eyes on life. When he tried to sleep, it either ended with him squirming in his surprisingly 'uncomfortable' bed all the time or waking up wet in sweat from another nightmare.

The only time he actually got to sleep for a minute at least was during classes. 'Hopelessly romantic boy', his classmates teasingly called him. Telling how those who're slowly falling in love would lose the track of their lives and become a total mess like Epel was. Epel never said a word in opposition as he didn't want to end up telling them the story of him recklessly breaking your heart after all you'd done for him, yet it was already obvious that he didn't like this term being used for him at all.

Hopelessly romantic boy...huh?

His insomnia issues were no joke, he couldn't concentrate during classes at all. His vision was all blurry and his eyes felt heavily sleepy. Teachers kept on talking and talking while Epel just stared at the mess of words forming enormous sentences in the books until his eyes went shut. There were a few times that even teachers ended up having to shake him after the class to wake him up before sending him to the headmaster's office right away.

"Young Felmier, are you okay? You've been looking very, uh,you know, different lately"

Is he okay? He's been asking himself the same question for a while.

"Yes, Headmaster"

'I, am not okay.'

He hasn't been okay for a long while, at least he's well aware of it. But there's no point in letting anyone else know, right? Perhaps the only one who might've understood how horrible he is feeling right now... was you. Epel drowns in thoughts and memories are brought back to him:

It's been months since then, but it feels like it was just a minute ago, that he had his head on your shoulder as his warm tears soaked your clothes and his warm breath brushed against your neck. It was probably one of his worse days ever. He ran off having tears in his eyes in front of enormous people, yet not a single soul cared to come after him but you. He was a total mess when you found him under the apple tree, his face was flushed and his diamond blue eyes were filled with pain and tears. You didn't even know him much but seeing him like that, in pain and tears, Epel was no more than a stranger but for some reason...it still hurt. You couldn't take it. Accepting hugs from strangers isn't really his thing, but to be comforted right as you need nothing more than an embrace to cry on, it felt...nice.

You've been always beside him from then on, he couldn't really tell why. He was neither too strong nor too smart, he wasn't any famous or rich either. He was nothing but a random country boy who got noticed by you, the mysterious student who got widely popular throughout the school because of their bravery and strength to fight against several overblots without having any magic after a rather short time.

He often felt proud of how lucky he was to have you. It wasn't just because of how famous and adored you later became, he could tell that there was something special about you from the very beginning. You probably didn't notice but when he first met you at the enterence ceremony, he didn't realize that he'd been keeping his eyes on you all the time. He didn't know why, what could the reason be? Curiosity? A childish interest? Or... something else than these?

From the day after, he couldn't take his eyes off you. It was strange, he doesn't usually get to see someone this much around, but you...you were always there. Right in front of him.

He couldn't help but to watch silently until you walked up to him and started to chat, he can't ever forget how silly his first conversation with you went. He was stressed out whether you'd realized the way he was staring at you all this time, could be that you were offended? He was honestly expecting this to be another trouble coming his way but to his surprise, it wasn't.

Though it took a rather long time for him to finally gain full trust on you, after a while spending time with you wasn't simply something he enjoyed doing. It became a part of his daily routine. No matter what, he wanted to see you, no, he needed to see you. Make sure that you're right, that everything between you is still the same, that he'd have you by his side for another the day he won't be left all alone if anything goes wrong.

You were his reason to keep his self-esteem built-up no matter how rough life could be, you were the only one who could give him a safe shoulder to cry on and and an embrace to close his eyes through and the thought of still having you was what gave him the purpose to keep on smiling through another rough day.

Epel nails the white bedsheets as he digs his wet face harder into the pillow, trying not to scream at the pain. What has he done? Why? Why??

How could he do this to you, the person he adored and cared for the most? Yes, you lied, but so did he. He never wanted to cut ties with you. He was furious and insecure, afraid that you might've never considered him any more than an emotional fool. It scared him, he didn't want to be the idiot you'd one say leave behind without caring to let him know that you never needed him back.

He couldn't let go of you as you'd became a part of Epel himself after all this time you've been together.

He was scared of what bigger things you might've hidden from him, including your true feelings for him. What if deep inside, all you saw through him was a helpless toy to use?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,...they were driving him insane.

It hurt way too much to the point of thinking that he hated you. He never did, how could he? Even if he ever ends up hating everything and everyone including himself like he does now, there's no way that he'd you. You were his everything, his happiness, his hope, his wish, his angel.

'Hopelessly romantic boy'... What if his classmates were right about him though?

Oh lord, what is wrong with him? He can no longer deny the fact that he did fall in love with you while he thought it was nothing more than a simple friendship.

Only if he'd realized this sooner, only if he could've said that he loves you instead of asking you to get out of his life, only if he could've had a second chance to hug you one more time and tell you how he truly feels...

And now, it's too late to regret what he's done. You probably hate him now, and he knows that he deserves to be hated. He was the reason of your teary eyes and sleepless nights. And he and only him, was the reason of you wanting to leave all your of your friends and your memories with them behind by making a return to your own world.

As it's clear than he doesn't deserve you and your love, he decides to let his heart burn inside the flames Epel started on his own.

Let him suffer in the name of you, his one and only love, for eternity.

It's past noon yet Epel doesn't want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to look at the clock, though he's pretty sure that you've already left his world.

He wonders...where are you right now? Back to your own world? Next to the friends and family whom you love? You sure don't remember him anymore but...are you happy? Will you now live as the happy (y/n) he'll always love without him there to hurt you again?

"Sorry (y/n), sorry..." He whispers underneath his breath. Hot tears stream down Epel's face, and he squeezes his eyelids shut in the hope his tears would stop. He sat on his bed unmoving, with his choppy breathing and watery eyes remaining for quite a while. He was so lost through his pain and sorrow that didn't hear the knock on his door at first.

"Who there?-" Epel murmurs through his tear. It's probably Rook, wanting to see why he didn't make it to school today. His door continues to be knocked on, yet Epel doesn't care to answer thr sound. Doesn't matter who the hell is at the door, he doesn't want to talk right now.

He hides his face under the blanket, can't he just cry in peace? He hears the sound of his door sliding open, but doesn't bother getting the blanket off his head. He annoyedly wraps himself tighter in bed. 'Whoever you are, just leave me alone. Please, I don't want to-'

Takes a few seconds until he feels the blanket being pulled off him, he vaguely turns his head, ready to shout: "GET LOST" at whoever his interrupter is. He opens his mouth to yell but the sight of the person standing in front of him leaves him speechless.

Your bodies remain still as your eyes are locked, neither of you move a finger until you break the silence:

"Epel..." you whisper. He looks pretty different from the last time you saw him. His face looks much paler and thinner now, and from the swelling bags under his eyes you could tell that he hasn't really been sleeping well lately. The the rage and hatred you saw last time in his eyes is now replaced with emptiness and sorrow, a severe pain that makes your heart ache for him one more time. He looks so, so broken. So lost, so sad. It hurts a lot seeing him like this, though you'd sworn never to think of him the way you used to again.

"I, I came to say goodbye-" you say nervously. What is Epel having in mind now? How is he going to respond? From the way your last conversation went you could certainly tell that he held nothing else than for you now, but you, could you be the same?

Epel didn't show up to say goodbye which was another evidence of him not wanting to see your face ever again, but something deep inside your heart, something you couldn't let go of ever after he let you down told you to come to say your very last goodbye.

Epel's eyes widen in fascination. This time, he can't hold back his tears from falling. You won't stop surprising him until the very last second, will you?

Right at the moment you are expecting him to be mad and push you back again, he throws himself into your embrace. You are about to say a word, but all you can do is to let Epel feel your warm embrace and the torrent of his tears soak through your shirt. It is too painful to see him like this.

"Wh-why...Why-are you like this-? Why did you come? Why are you still being this kind?? Why can't you just hate me!?" he painfully screams through his tears. You can feel him clench his fists, as he pushes himself closer to you. You have your emotions mixed up, you can't tell wether you should be sad or happy. But here he is, crying into your embrace like he used to do before. For a second it feels like your paths had never been torn apart, that you never got separated and he never said those words which hurt you the most.

You let him rest his head on your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair, time and time again, in an attempt you calm the silent war within his mind.

For the hundredth time, you are reminded of how much he meant to you, from the very moment you were interested in getting to know about the pale lavender-haired guy who's been secretly watching you all the time.

You remember all the times he made you laugh and that sweet smile he always put on when he greeted you in the morning, you remember each and every time that he needed your embrace to either cry or feel a bit better after the hard they he might've gone through.

You remember all the times you silently cried in bed knowing that you were slowly falling for the young boy who you genuinely held dear, that he was slowly becoming the apple of your eye.

And there he was, walking in front of you, unaware of the feelings you, young (y/n) had for him and how he was truly, the one and only for you, the apple of your eye.

Before you know it, Epel is no longer the only one crying. You hold him tighter, pushing your head to his shoulder and letting your hot tears fall off your eyes, realizing how much you've missed him after all this time. Epel doesn't pull back, instead he follows and allows your bodies to come closer and closer, until there's no space left. At the moment your bodies are close enough to become one, he's got the rhythm of your chest raising and on his body and you've got his on yours. Warm breaths brushing against each other's face that it makes it almost hard to breathe.

For a second, it feels as if you and him are the only beings on the whole world and your world is skipped inside the warmth you're drowning through right now. There's no past, no future, no pain, no feelings at all. All you know is the present you're having with him, wishing that this moment would last forever.

"I...I love you," Epel whispers, only loud enough for you to hear him under your fascinated gaze. You let out silent gasp as your head's still on the back of his shoulder.

'What did he just say..?'

Those words...those 3 forbidden words you thought you'd never him Epel them back if you ever did. Yet you kept on loving him, totally aware that he might never develop such feelings for you back.

You were supposed to make a return to your own world by now, all you'd came for was a simple goodbye to someone you were supposed to consider your ex-best friend, but you know that it would be a lie. He wasn't just your best friend, he was once your everything: Your love, your smile, your tears, your hope. Even after he bitterly told you to cut ties with him, you couldn't let go of the feeling. You felt empty without him, a life without him was clueless and dark, you felt so lost, so empty, so brokenhearted. You'd lost Epel, and never thought that you'll ever get to have him close again, let alone hearing him say that he loves you back.

And now, it's all up to you. What are you going to do now? For the first time in a while, your future now relies on nothing but your very own choice. You're caught in the middle of the path, stuck between leaving the twisted wonderland for your very own sake or staying here with Epel, in a stranger world which you don't belong to, next to the guy you once appreciated the most.

With everything you've been going through all this time, what will you choose to do? How will this story come to an end? Choosing to go and leave all the pain together with all the happiness you've been experiencing next Epel all this time behind, or letting go of the past and giving him a second to maybe lead you through a life you once dreamed to have with him?

Epel has probably got a lot more to say other than that three words, knowing that you're probably running out of time if you're going to return to your own world, next to the family and beloved ones you haven't met in forever, are you still going to stay here with Epel and allow him to talk? With all the things that he did to you and made you have a severe mental breakdown afterwards, are you still to give him your attention and love, and let him have a chance to be the apple of your eye again...?

[carewyncromwell]

Maybe part of the reason JC shies away from utilizing Duncan more is, not only does he know too much WHICH HE DOES, but any development into his character would just be too dark for the game. Anything past his "im dead lol" jokes just gets... depressing. This is a kid who was murdered in a very painful way with no hope for the future. Everyone he loves will die and leave him alone forever. Is this level dark stuff allowed in a kids game? Part 1

Whew! Okay, so first off, wow! Very interesting sidequest idea for Duncan. Thank you so much for sharing it with me! 

But to your first point, at the very top...this is kind of one of my biggest problems with Jam City and its writing. “Is this level dark stuff allowed in a kids game?” And my counterpoint would be it should be. 

Look -- I work at a Disney theme park. I work with kids every single day. And from my experience, I can say with certainty that kids are a helluva lot more intelligent and reasonable than a lot of adults give them credit for. They know that terrible things happen in the world, and they know that the world isn’t always fair. And there would be ways to use Duncan’s character where he doesn’t have to be doomed to watch everyone he grows to care about fade away forever -- who says he couldn’t find some measure of peace through his friendship with MC and Jacob and be able to finally pass on into the next life knowing he really did make an impact? That’s what I plan to do in my headcanon version of events. 

And for that matter, this game is not played by very young children  -- it’s geared for 12+, as in the audience that Harry Potter as a franchise was always geared toward. And I’m sorry, but for all of J.K.’s faults as a writer, she never doubted that young people could handle dark subject matter like murder, bigotry, etc. without being coddled. We’ve already watched MC’s friends get Imperiused and tortured. We’ve already watched a character we got emotionally invested in at the very beginning of the game get brutally murdered before our very eyes. Yes, maybe it was upsetting, but that’s the POINT. Stories shouldn’t just be fluffy and inconsequential all the time. I can’t help but feel like the vast majority of the sidequests as of late have suffered because they have so little of substance or stakes behind them, even compared to what came previously -- and honestly, even the main storyline since mid-year 6 has petered out to nothing because R is busy doing things like dropping off random magical creatures from around the globe in Britain and apparently putting memory potions in haircare products rather than doing things a real Cabal would do. It doesn’t feel like some grand plan or conspiracy, or even like some well-planned distractions while R does more evil things on the side, since we don’t get any evidence R is actually USING those things to do anything more serious, like getting access to classified Ministry intelligence or killing people. (Instead they steal one Portkey, and the Ministry doesn’t even bother to find out where it’s Charmed to go, since that might be a pretty big hint about their true intentions. I mean, there’s a bloody CHARM to turn things into Portkeys, you don’t need to steal specific objects to turn them into a Portkey.) It feels like some rabble-rousers causing trouble for the government, a la Carmen Sandiego stealing random pieces of world history for the thrill of it, not a group trying to destroy or overthrow anything or terrorize people to get their way. Young Harry Potter fans could digest the Death Eaters back in the day -- they could handle R being more of a real threat, just as they could accept other types of dark subject matter. They could handle discussion of PTSD post-Redacted -- Harry goes through some of that in Order of the Phoenix. They could handle a discussion about bigotry and prejudice -- that’s one of the central themes of the original Potter books. They could handle both Duncan and Jacob being sort of stuck out of time after dying prematurely and coming back as a ghost and being stuck in a portrait for so many years -- that same sort of thing happens to Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers in the MCU, and plenty of young adults watch the MCU. 

I understand doing anything with Duncan could be “depressing” if not properly balanced out, but you know, being sad isn’t a crime. It’s part of being human. I frankly think getting a real emotional reaction for a character you created should be a welcome thing, rather than a half-hearted shrug like the vast majority of these recent sidequests have prompted out of me. It means that people actually care about the characters you’ve created -- go figure. 

As well -- I don’t think Duncan “knows too much,” personally. I know this game is called Hogwarts Mystery, but it can’t be a real mystery if we don’t have tools that could allow us to start putting the big picture together ourselves. Again, for all of her faults, Rowling understood this as a writer. We could put together, with all the info we got about Snape throughout the books, that him killing Dumbledore wasn’t because he was truly evil all along. We could put together that Rita Skeeter was an illegal Animagus, like we learned the Marauders were a book prior. We could put together that Harry was a Horcrux, based on what we learned about Horcruxes and Harry’s connection with Voldemort. And maybe having someone who could help us get a better picture of what R wants would help us better define these antagonists we’re facing and develop them into a real threat, instead of this vague red-robed shadow that honestly just seems to do random things for the hell of it rather than as part of some grand plan. I understand not understanding someone in small doses can make them intimidating, but it also makes them less fleshed-out and developed as characters and makes it harder for us to care about whether they get what they want or not. As they say, a hero is only as good as one’s villain.