#i just wanted to relax n paddle bro

[non-bread]

BRAH

conclusion. i should quit fucking now but i also fucking love being able to call myself a canoe poloer

[smolla-than-a-bug]

you’re definitely flirting with me

—jason todd x villain!reader

second and final part to are you flirting with me. can be read as a stand-alone tho

navi | bat boys m.list | are you flirting with me

content — language, blood, mentions of harassment, mildly suggestive (use of the word ‘daddy’ but ironically)

notes — i know that its literally been years and that i formerly posted a part two to are you flirting with me, but looking back, i didn't like how it turned out. i did find a fun drabble in my drafts with villain!reader as well, so i decided to rewrite it and use it as a continuation. i actually deleted the old parts personally, i prefer this version of the end!

"I'm in."

"Hot. You should be able to see–"

"Nothing?"

Silence.

"Is this your way of telling me you're visually impaired?"

"I will scoop your eyes out in your sleep."

"Please use an ice cream scooper. My eyeballs would fit so well, it would be so satisfying–"

"Harper."

"Okay, okay. What do you mean nothing?"

"By nothing I mean nothing, ball sack. The warehouse is fucking empty."

Frantic rustling of papers and violent knocking of objects could be heard on Roy's end of the line. Jason sighed, going to pinch the bridge of his nose before realizing he had a helmet on. 

The whole situation was throwing him off his rhythm — that much was evident. The intel they had collected on the gang of criminals seemed too obvious, too predictable. Jason had his suspicions, but Roy was quick to shut him down. 'Dude, trust me,' he said. Famous last words.

A crackle of static sounded in his earpiece. Roy's voice urgent and choppy before completely dying out. Jason could only attempt to call out to his partner in the hopes of a full response, but his efforts brought no avail. That's another thing that went wrong today.

"Hey, sexy."

What in the fuck.

"Your ass looks great from this angle. The party you're looking for is in a bar on the other side of the city, by the way."

You couldn't actually see him, but he doesn't need to know that. It's just your thing to mess with him, and by the sounds of him cussing you out for hacking into his means of communication, it was working. It was amusing. He kept you entertained.

That was all you had to say to him for now though, so you bid him goodbye. The roaring of his motorcycle over his colorful language directed at you was the last thing you heard before you cut off and allowed his partner to get back on the line.

"Jaybird? You there?"

"Ah, you're back. I'm never trusting you with getting intel again."

"Whatever. Anyway, was that...?"

"Yeah. Y/v/n."

"Hm. I don't know what she's on, but you have no ass like–"

"And yet I have more ass than you, so shut the fuck up, paddle board."

“That... That was a bit harsh, bro.”

Soft gushes of wind blew against your masked face. You shut your eyes, feeling the breeze and relishing in your little moment of peace. Lazily pacing, you hummed a random tune.

Your mischief and cunningness is something your alias was known for. Most often, it's a convenient trait to be able to slip around with ease and get the job done in a snap, but sometimes you get bored. It can be such a drag when nobody tries a confrontation with you. That's why you're so fond of the Red Hood. It's a shame that it's been a while since you've seen him around, so imagine your delight when you feel a familiar presence behind you.

You took a seat at the edge of the building. To anyone, you would've looked like you were having your main character moment, peacefully looking over the city if not for the small pile of bodies rotting away not too far from you. The dried blood on your attire and your fingers no longer irked you in the slightest. It's something you've gotten used to, which lead to your habit of picking the blood under your nails. Red gets annoyed when you do this — all the more reason to entertain your habit in front of him.

You let your legs dangle over the edge without a care. You didn't bother to greet the vigilante, who currently had a gun aimed at your back. Sigh.

“Oh, I do hate the sight of blood.”

“Well then, maybe — just maybe — you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

That got you to turn your head to face him. You cock an eyebrow — doesn’t he kill for a living too? Sure, his victims are usually criminals and thugs while yours are people you’re paid to target, usually business owners and the occasional politician, but you digress. Details. The point is, he kills people too.

A few seconds of staring and prolonging the tension passed, and Jason weighed his options before eventually putting down his gun. He then opted to join you on the ledge.

“So,” he started, “what’s your favorite color?”

Funny.

“Sweetheart, if you thought you’d be able to keep me entertained with small talk... I think I’d rather you shot me.”

You stood up from your spot on the ledge and leaned over the rooftop to examine your altitude. You grin to yourself.

“What are you doing?”

You don’t answer. You want to see something. Instead you turn your body to face Jason and mockingly salute him before leaping off the building, though not before you heard him call out your alias’ name and yell a panicked ‘Wait!’

Immediately after you, Jason followed. You chuckled when you saw him get closer. You enjoyed fooling him around almost as much as you enjoyed fooling around with him.

With no time to waste, he pulled out his grappling hook, yanked your body by the waist, and zipped to the rooftop of the nearest building — one different from the last one you were on.

Jason‘s heaving chest radiated distress.

“You’re fucking insane! You could have died!”

You stood in front of him, arms crossed and your stance relaxed. Nobody would’ve suspected that you literally jumped off a building just a few seconds ago. Aw, you pout, he cares about me.

“Would’ve made your job easier. You know, you heroes are supposed to get rid of the bad guys.”There’s humor in your eyes. Jason knows you’re enjoying this. He hates how much you enjoy this. “So, why’d you save me?”

“Why’d you help me with my mission last time?”

He’s deflecting. Cute.

“Hey, I asked you a question first.” You know he won’t budge til you give him an answer. He’s probably been asking himself that question since it happened. You mentally pout, aww he thinks of me. Sigh. Okay, fine.

“The gang you were after just so happened to have given me a job a little while ago.” You recall some of the gang members attempting to grope you. Some unpleasant memories you’d rather live without. “Pissed me off. Now your turn.”

Why’d you save me?

A pause. He shifted to look to the side. Oh, this is interesting.

“You could have died.” Ah, this again.

“Well, you’ve died,” you remind him. “Not that it really stuck.”

He says your name — your real name. You wonder when he discovered your identity, but then again, you’re not all that surprised. It’s him after all.

He can see your growing smile the longer he refuses to answer your question. He knows you’re already thinking of something, and still opts to ignore your question, allowing you to further indulge in your thoughts. He dreads you enlightening him; he knows it’s coming. Jason could not fathom how one woman could frustrate him so much.

“You like me.” There it is, he thinks. There’s your stupid smirk and your dumb air of arrogance.

“Come on, just admit it, hot shot. You can’t live without me.” Okay, maybe that one’s a bit of a stretch (just a bit), but you stand by it nonetheless.

You grin wide as you approach him. Leaning slightly forward to grab Jason by the collar and pull him down to meet your eyes, you repeat yourself.

“You like me.” Stated with more emphasis, like a significant fact that you try to drill into your head when studying for an exam.

“I’ll shoot you.”

“Please, daddy.”

© smolla-than-a-bug, 2021. please do not copy or repost my works. reblogs are appreciated!

tags — @iwriteaboutstuff @comicsgirlimagines @httpfandxms

[purplesunrisefanfic]

Would you be willing to share a couple of YOUR Abby fantasies with us, your adoring, always horny, Abby simping fans?

Sure! And thank you, this was a fun ask ❤️💕💪

Abby Sexual Fantasties

(Abby/reader OR a mixture of Abby/author and Abby/GN!reader)

Fair warning, my fantasies are even more high-key kinky than my fics so major warning for very graphic and explicit sexual content, hardcore BDSM and arguable edgeplay. Also, as far I’m concerned Abby switches, don’t @ me about your HCs that she’s a rigid “top” or whatever else, @ me about your graphic sexual fantasies of Abby instead. 😈

I don’t want to warn in detail and thereby effectively imply I have caught everything that might need a warning because I fear I will miss something, so anyone who has specific triggers, please inbox me the specifics (Anon is on) and I’ll reply either saying this post is fine or with a redacted version suitable for you personally. And please do ask, I’m happy to help with this stuff. 💛

Gender and Bodies Note: I have written this in two different formats. The first was using “you” so it’s easier to reader-insert but the “you” is based on my fantasies, ie me and the body I have. I’m AFAB (and not knowingly intersex) with my original layout/plumbing and am comfortable with all the sex options my body has available. As far as I’m aware I don’t reference anything that couldn’t work the same for someone who has had a vaginoplasty, except that I talk about getting extremely wet beyond what might be possible for many vagina-havers. Maybe even most other vagina-havers tbh, bc I have a noted ability to get soaked way beyond what most people who self-lubricate can. It’s actually partly a coping thing that it so regularly features in my fantasies tbh because it helps to think of it in sexy way when the actual reality is that trying to get off is often like trying to build up friction on a freakin’ slip n’ slide! 😂

If you don’t want to read a “you” with such characteristics, scroll down and I’ll rewrite the necessary sections with an “I” so you can read these with an author-insert instead of a reader-insert. Look for a line made of emojis.

Reminder: App/mobile site = no read more breaks, don’t @ me, @ Tumblr bc it annoys the eff outta me too! (Tumblr, if you’re listening, please please fix this shite ASAP.)

Abby/Reader version (Warning: This version is body-specific):

Assuming, which I do, that @pinkchubbiebunnie is correct that Abby cannon has a hairpulling kink, (well spotted and much appreciated detail btw, thank you, Tanisha! Hope you enjoy these as well they seem like your sort of thing too 😍) Tying up Abby’s wrists with rope then braiding the rope into her hair and tying the rope onto her braid so that every time she’s overwhelmed with desire and starts to struggle against the rope it pulls her hair and teases her some more. Edging her like that until she breaks, her face covered in sweat while she pleads for release. Once you give it to her, you don’t stop and she struggles again when she becomes overwhelmed with pleasure, but struggling pulls on her hair again which intensifies the overstimulation. Tears in her eyes, she pleads for you to stop (but doesn’t actually safeword) so you offer/remind her that she can safeword. She breaks eye contact, her already flushed face starts burning and she shakes her head. You tilt her head back up, forcing eye contact. “So you don’t really want me to stop?” you question her evilly, just to make her say that she does want you to stop, but she doesn’t want you to have to do what she wants, she wants you free to ignore her. Her lip trembles when she tells you to use her how you please, breaking off mid-sentence to whimper, utterly overwhelmed because you haven’t let up on her clit this whole time. You make her come once more, and she finishes up an absolute mess. You think you ought to stop there, and lay off touching her further, until she softly asks you, in a small voice with pleasing eyes, to put on her strap and fuck her with that because she feels desperately empty after all that stimulation.

Flip-side: Her and Manny are ultimate bros and ultimate dom bros. You’re in a lifestyle BDSM situation with her and have to get yourself used to the fact that she’ll spank you in her shared apartment whenever you deserve it, whether Manny is around or not. Equally, you see some of Manny’s poly rotation facing the same from time-to-time. You don’t have orgies or even have sex when Manny is there (or vice versa) but they both feel discipline can’t wait. He’s respectful and super discreet about it, which low-key feels nice/destigmatising but high-key feels embarrassing as hell that he sees this stuff without ever bringing it up in conversation with you. You always wonder if part of his charismatic grin is teasing you that he knows what the “special necklace” you always wear really means. Oh, and between her muscles and her hands which are calloused from all the physical and soldier work, she can spank you hard and long without needing a paddle.

She’s figured out how to pack discreetly with something firm enough to fuck you with, and when you patrol together she’ll take any opportunity to give you a taste. She never lets you orgasm while you’re out and makes sure you’re always walking around soaked through your clothes and grateful your trousers don’t show an obvious colour difference. She always eats her supper (“supper” = British for evening meal.*) super slowly on those days. Anytime you seem like you might be relaxing during the meal or becoming less needy, she makes suggestive eye contact and squeezes one of your thighs between hers under the table, letting you feel the toy between her legs so she’s sure you don’t get a break from feeling desperate for her. You end up having all your patrol group believing your old minor knee injury (which doesn’t really cause you any proper trouble) always gets painful towards the end of patrol days because you always blame that for why you get noticeably quiet and jumpy by the end of a patrol day.

She’ll play really sadistically if you ask her to. (Content warning: this is about to get into the details of that). With that, she won’t use any bondage, just her raw ability to overpower you without even breaking out in a sweat. She’ll pinch and pull at your nipples, grab you by your hair and drag you around. She’ll absolutely cover your thighs in hickeys (and you tend to have to bite hard to leave a mark on a thigh) on the way to going down on you. She keeps her nails short for practical reasons, but she knows how to grab you and angle her fingers so you feel her nails sink into anyway. She picked up enough medical knowledge that she knows where and how she can safely hurt you. Abby can control herself and her voice so you get her steeliest tone and expression while she makes you scream and cry. That type of treatment makes your clit swell like hell and you get so wet from it that it’s obvious and embarrassing. And Abby loves to make that worse by drawing attention to how wet it makes you, taunting you about how much you like her brutal treatment. She’ll sometimes slip her fingers inside just to be able to coat them in your juices so she can smear them over your body. Smirking, she’ll coo about how you’ll let her do whatever the fuck she wants with you. If she feels like using her strap on, she’ll slip it inside you briefly at first, only to pull it out, shove you to your knees and make you suck it spotlessly clean of your own taste before she’ll consider actually fucking you with it. Afterwards, she cleans you up gently and tends to any little injuries (she never does anything dangerous). She’s takes hold of you a little possessively, reminding you that no one but her gets to treat you like that, and she’d kill anyone who tried. Then she showers you with love and praise, holding you protectively until you fall asleep.

💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪💜💪

Abby/GN! Reader & Abby/Author version:

(Still uses “you” with one alteration to the original) Assuming, which I do that @pinkchubbiebunnie is correct that Abby cannon has a hairpulling kink, (well spotted and much appreciated detail btw, thank you, Tanisha!) Tying up Abby’s wrists with rope then braiding the rope into her hair and tying the rope onto her braid so that every time she’s overwhelmed with desire and starts to struggle against the rope it pulls her hair and teases her some more. Edging her like that until she breaks, her face covered in sweat while she pleads for release. Once you give it to her, you don’t stop and she struggles again when she becomes overwhelmed with pleasure, but struggling pulls on her hair again which intensifies the overstimulation. Tears in her eyes, she pleads for you to stop (but doesn’t actually safeword) so you offer/remind her that she can safeword. She breaks eye contact, her already flushed face starts burning and she shakes her head. You tilt her head back up, forcing eye contact. “So you don’t really want me to stop?” you question her evilly, just to make her say that she does want you to stop, but she doesn’t want you to have to do what she wants, she wants you free to ignore her. Her lip trembles when she tells you to use her how you please, breaking off mid-sentence to whimper, utterly overwhelmed because you haven’t let up on her clit this whole time. You make her come once more, and she finishes up an absolute mess. You think you ought to stop there, and lay off touching her further, until she softly asks you, in a small voice with pleasing eyes, to please use your fingers or whatever else you want to penetrate her because she feels desperately empty after all that stimulation.

(Unaltered from “you”/reader-insert bc no body-specifics) Flip-side: Her and Manny are ultimate bros and ultimate dom bros. You’re in a lifestyle BDSM situation with her and have to get yourself used to the fact that she’ll spank you in her shared apartment whenever you deserve it, whether Manny is around or not. Equally, you see some of Manny’s poly rotation facing the same from time-to-time. You don’t have orgies or even have sex when Manny is there (or vice versa) but they both feel discipline can’t wait. He’s respectful and super discreet about it, which low-key feels nice/destigmatising but high-key feels embarrassing as hell that he sees this stuff without ever bringing it up in conversation with you. You always wonder if part of his charismatic grin is teasing you that he knows what the “special necklace” you always wear really means. Oh, and between her muscles and her hands which are calloused from all the physical and soldier work, she can spank hard and long without needing a paddle.

She’s figured out how to pack discreetly with something firm enough to fuck me with, and when we patrol together she’ll take any opportunity to give me a taste. She never lets me orgasm while we’re out and makes sure I’m always walking around soaked through my clothes and grateful my trousers don’t show an obvious colour difference. She always eats her supper (“supper” = British for evening meal.*) super slowly on those days. Anytime I seem like I might be relaxing during the meal or becoming less needy, she makes suggestive eye contact and squeezes one of my thighs between hers under the table, letting me feel the toy between her legs so she’s sure I don’t get a break from feeling desperate for her. I end up having all our patrol group believing my old minor knee injury (which doesn’t really cause me any proper trouble) always gets painful towards the end of patrol days because I always blame that for why I get noticeably quiet and jumpy by the end of a patrol day.

She’ll play really sadistically if I ask her to. (Content warning: this is about to get into the details of that). With that, she won’t use any bondage, just her raw ability to overpower me without even breaking out in a sweat. She’ll pinch and pull at my nipples, grab me by my hair and drag my around. She’ll absolutely cover my thighs in hickeys (and you tend to have to bite hard to leave a mark on a thigh) on the way to going down on me. She keeps her nails short for practical reasons, but she knows how to grab me and angle her fingers so I feel her nails sink into anyway. She picked up enough medical knowledge that she knows where and how she can safely hurt me. Abby can control herself and her voice so I get her steeliest tone and expression while she makes me scream and cry. That type of treatment makes my clit swell like hell and I get so wet from it that it’s obvious and embarrassing. And Abby loves to make that worse by drawing attention to how wet it makes me, taunting me about how much I like her brutal treatment. She’ll sometimes slip her fingers inside just to be able to coat them in my juices so she can smear them over my body. Smirking, she’ll coo about how I’ll let her do whatever the fuck she wants with me. If she feels like using her strap on, she’ll slip it inside me briefly at first, only to pull it out, shove me to my knees and make me suck it spotlessly clean of my own taste before she’ll consider actually fucking me with it. Afterwards, she cleans me up gently and tends to any little injuries (she never does anything dangerous). She takes hold of me a little possessively, reminding me that no one but her gets to treat me like that, and she’d kill anyone who tried. Then she showers me with love and praise, holding me protectively until I fall asleep.

*While we’re on this subject, beware using the term “dinner” with Brits bc it’s a different meal in different regions. Somewhere like Newcastle, dinner = lunch whereas in London dinner = evening meal. 🤷‍♀️ We’re a weird country on many counts, that’s the tip of the iceberg.

[angelhalo]

Smut Alphabet - Barbatos

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Already has the towels and blankets on standby to clean and wrap you up. If you’re especially needy, he’ll on the rare occasion spoon you (you’re the little spoon ofc, doesn’t matter if you’re physically bigger) with lots of words of affirmation and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. But usually, he’s quiet. Can’t help but offer a compliment about something you did or how you look; it’s part of his etiquette.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part of his is his hands; they get a lot done, not just for his butler duties, but during his alone time with you. Absolutely weak for his partner’s back - he loves the way it arches - he finds its unique shape beautiful.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

This man does not like making messes, but this is the exception. He doesn’t mind cumming inside you, but he prefers cumming on your body, whether it’s your face, back, stomach, etc. Facials may or may not be his favorite! 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Maybe not so secret to MC after their first few sexcapades, but Barbatos is quite the voyeur (you can’t blame him, all that time yearning for MC as they lived with seven demon bros, only able to sneak glances at them...)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s a fast learner (in thanks to serving prince of the Devildom) and adept at finding out what his partner likes, so despite his lack of previous partners he has no qualms pleasing them. It’s only apparent, his lack of experience, when you try to take the lead and he doesn’t know what to do when he’s not in control in the bedroom. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

Barbatos will never admit it, but missionary. It’s so intimate and he loves being so close to his partner; he likes watching their facial expressions.  

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Can go either way. But by default, he’s a pretty serious person. He loosens up more with you as time goes on, but during giggly sex you’re doing most of the laughing.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Just like the rest of his appearance, he keeps things tidy and on a semi-regularly basis trims his hair. I don’t think manscaping is the proper term to use, he sees no problem with body hair and isn’t uncomfortable with it, he just dislikes when things get unruly.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Not very talkative unless you’re nervous and he wants to make you feel relaxed, then he’ll be sure to whisper lots of compliments and leave soft kisses on your neck and chest. Lots of lingering touches and eye contact. The foreplay begins way before you’re in the bedroom, whether it’s a cliché candlelit dinner or back massage or drawing you a bath filled with rose petals, he will treat you. He is a secret romantic. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) 

This man has so much self control he rarely feels the need to actually relieve himself in private. Granted, it was a lot easier before he met you. He will not jack off to you until you’ve been in a committed relationship for awhile, because otherwise he’d think he’s being vulgar. The few times he actually does get off though he prolongs the act, edging himself until he tires himself out, either by cumming or becoming disinterested (and soft), and falling asleep. Despite his personality, he never feels guilty about masturbating. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) 

Bondage/shibari - he loves tying his partner up, but when they’re hanging midair that’s his favorite 

Voyeurism - bonus points if MC is into exhibitionism and encourages him to watch 

Breathplay - his hands around your neck and he’s still wearing his white gloves, try choking him see what happens <3 

Sadism and Discipline, for the following his partner is on the receiving end - degradation, impact play (esp flogging w/whips and spanking w/ paddles or his hands), gagging, begging 

Breeding (or simulating it through roleplay) - this is the riskiest one and one he’s hesitant to bring it up, if it’s not your thing it’s not an issue but if it is well you’re lucky to say the least 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do) 

One of the many unused rooms in Diavolo’s palace, or his bedroom. He’s not so adventurous about the where so much as the how 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) 

MC teasing him throughout the day with playful texts and sending suggestive pics, MC purposely acting bratty and insisting they be punished, MC flirting with him in the open esp around the brothers (but NOT around Diavolo). Sit on his lap and rub yourself against his thigh and beg a little, he'll pay attention to you eventually 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Basically anything with bodily fluids, with the exception of blood. And public sex is a no, he wouldn’t risk being caught. Would be turned off if MC suggested a threesome, but could be persuaded depending on with who. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) 

He likes both, but prefers giving. THE best service top when giving oral, ask him anything he’ll do it. Knows he’s rough when receiving so doesn’t ask for it much, but if you like being face fucked it’s a win-win 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) 

Barbatos has a lot of pent up stress and feelings, he’s rough. But he’s also not in a rush for his time with you to be over, and so he’ll draw it out with a slow pace if time permits, until you’re begging him to go faster. He will. He can be soft too, and when you’re both feeling more lax the sex is gentler and quieter. He still makes sure you cum. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) 

Sadly, sex with Barbatos is usually in the form of a quickie. He has like no free time so get used to it. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) 

He’s a butler yes, but he’s also a demon. He’s willing to entertain most of MC’s fantasies/suggestions as long as there is no real risk of being caught in the act. Funny enough, riskiest thing they’ve done together was fuck while MC was on the phone with one of the demon bros, at Barbatos’ request. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) 

When Barbatos says he can last all night, he means it. Won’t cum until you’ve orgasmed at least once. Lasts longer in doggy style because he can’t see your face and get turned on by your expressions. If you tire easily it’s okay, he’ll hold you up and keep up the pace <3 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) 

Ends up acquiring lots of toys to use on his partner, experimenting is the best way to have the best sex he reasons. He’s particularly fond of using vibrators on you, and keeping them in you after you leave his room; you know those vibrators that can be controlled by remote or phone, yah you can bet he’ll randomly up the intensity. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

If you’ll let him, he’ll tease you till you’re crying. He knows how to make you beg, beg for more, beg for less. He’ll make fun of you for whining, but it drives him to tease you longer. King of orgasm denial and edging, be careful. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) 

He’s quiet by nature, but his shallow breaths are so pretty, and the unexpected grunts when you push back against him in doggy style in between him fucking you are everything. If you somehow convince him to bottom or get pegged, he’ll whimper for you and bite his lips trying to stifle his moans. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) 

This man has a forked tail please pay special attention to it (aka shove it down your throat), you’ll be rewarded! 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) 

Just girthy and long enough to give you that nice full feeling that takes time to adjust before he can start pounding into you. Will almost always finger you beforehand to prep you for his size, since demon dicks are quite dissimilar to humans’ and are on the larger side. His size came as a welcome surprise the first time you saw it because it seemed unexpected from someone so modest 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) 

Oh he yearns for you, your body, to touch you, but he’ll never beg for sex. In fact, it’s MC that finally brings it up and initiates it. Could honestly probably go without it, but why would he now that he has the most wonderful partner!? 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

He’s used to long nights at work (aka helping Diavolo carry out another dumb prank on some poor soul, filing paperwork, or something more morbid) so he won’t immediately fall asleep even though he’s tired. He falls asleep only after you have. He likes to watch you slowly drift off, and it’s these moments he knows he’s in deep. He’s actually fallen for a human. On these nights he dreams.  

[thebisexualdogdad]

Being Claudia Donovan's brother and dating Steve Jinks

Co written with @inhumanshadows

· You didn't start dating Steve until a year after he joined the team 

· For one reason you thought dating a co worker was a bad idea 

· And more importantly your sister was his best friend

· And that was another can of worms.

· However after a year... you decided to talk to her about it.

· And by talk you meant “frantically run to her room shouting ‘crisis!”

· "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

· "I uh.. Want to ask Steve out on a date" 

· "Well finally" 

· "You knew i liked him?" 

· "Everyone knows dude, even Pete figured it out"

· “Wow... that’s uh... kinda sad honestly...”

· “Yeah... so go ask him out.”

· You asked Steve and out and he happily said yes 

· There isn't much to do in south dakota so your first date was just to a dinner in town

· The date was pretty nice. You guys just sat there and tried not to talk about work. But with your job kinda the only thing.

· Then Steve wanted to know about the other cases you guys had before he came along.

· You spent hours telling him all about the dumb shit Pete got into before Steve joined

· And how Claudia accidently magnetized herself to the warehouse

· “Wait wait she what?”

· “Oh yeah. Alessandro Volta’s lab coat. Then there was the time the place almost exploded cause of silly string.”

· You end up kissing him goodnight outside his bedroom at the inn and Pete see's who tells Claudia

· You definitely heard someone scamper down the hall.

· but you didn't care, you just wanted to kiss steve again

· You made out in the hall until Myka left her room to find Leena and stumbled upon you guys 

· "Oh come on Myka don't ruin the mood" Pete yells from down the hall

· "Great Pete you ruined our cover" Claudia then yells 

· "Claudia, Pete knock it off," you yell at them

· Said guilty parties pop up from around the corner.

· “Really? Really what are we 5?” You ask.

· “It was Pete’s idea!” Claudia points

· “What!!”

· You guys go on a few more dates and eventually have the are we officially boyfriends talk

· You’re laying in your room, away from the nosey coworkers and family.

· “So... boyfriends?” You ask. 

· Steve nods. “You know Claudia had a pot going for how long it would take you to ask me out?” 

· “I’m gonna kill her....”

· Nobody ships you guys more than Pete not even Claudia 

He's always trying to set up cute moments for you two 

· Like putting up the mistletoe on christmas

· “Haha very fun Claudia...” you say, pointing to aforementioned plant.

· “Wasn’t me I swear. You guys are cute but I don’t need to see my brother and bestie sucking face.”

·"Where's Pete" 

· "Damn i was so close"

· You shake your head and give Steve a quick peck. 

· Pete: “aww I missed it.”

· One of the perks of dating another warehouse agent is getting to see the world with him

· Granted most of those involve artifact related high jinks and chaos. Of course you claudia and Steve are a team.

· Which means many times your delightful sister has gone “hey lovebirds! Artifact!”

· Claudia now makes Artie book her a room on a separate floor after the incident where she could hear you guys going at it next door through the thin hotel room walls

· Josh is very nonchalant about his younger siblings dating 

· When he met Steve it was just alright cool and that's it

· You look to Steve “Relax. He’s telling the truth.”

· double dates with Myka and HG often

· Going out for drinks and having to help HG carry a tipsy Myka home

· Or HG casually dropping that she knows whatever historical figure Steve brings up

· She’s like “[insert historical name here] Very homosexual. Revolving door of men.”

· Arties like a dad, the moment he sees you kiss even just a peck he looks away

· You wear Steve’s jacket and artie is like “is that new?” Pete and Claudia : “it’s steves.”

· Or having to hurry to get dressed in the morning for a mission and not realizing you're wearing each other clothes until later

· You guys have a break and you realize you got your pants right but shirt and jacket and even your underwear once got swapped

· You and Claudia tried to throw a surprise birthday party for Steve and it was a disaster

· There was screaming and flying cake. but it did end in laughter

· And Steve pretended like he didn't know but he secretly got Pete to tell him days ago

· You find out while you and Steve share a shower. “Pete Really told you....”

· “Yes. But I appreciate the effort.”

· You and Steve are always trying to set Claudia up on dates

· You also debated tracking down Todd

· "I do not need help finding a boyfriend" 

· "And how long have you been single for again?" 

· "Shut it"

·  “What was that? T-t-two years?”

· “I’ll murder you...”

· You and Steve end up getting a dog who becomes the team dog

· You guys come home and announce “trailer has a brother!”

· You got him mainly because you were jealous that Artie was trailers favorite

· He’s a corgi named Max

· You guys spoil him, he has so many toys and everyone always sneak him treats

· He’s your little loaf. And myka wants to steal him

· He's a bandana boy with a rotating attire 

· He even has a pride bandana that Pete got him 

· "What kind of gays are you not even getting your pet a pride outfit"

·“We have you pete. We knew you’d do something.”

· “Oh yay! Points for uncle Pete.”

· When you get hurt Steve drops everything to nurse you back to health

· He’s a mother hen and goes a bit overboard but it comes from places of love.

· Max's new home is your chest when you get hurt

· "Did i just get replaced by the dog?" 

· "Babe there's enough space for both of you" 

· He's such a cuddler

· Claudia Totally secretly plans a wedding

· And denies the hell out of it

· "Claud, Steve and i aren't planning on getting married for many many years" 

· "You can never be too prepared bro"

· Pete: “especially in our line of work!” “See pete gets it!”

· Oh boy. Steve’s mom meeting you.

· She won't stop telling Steve how handsome you are

· And she’s just so happy. Steve is blushing and hoping she doesn’t bring up any stories

· And she sneaks Steve the family ring

· "For when you're ready dear, I know you're gonna marry that man one day"

· Meanwhile you’re over by the family photos. “Is this you in high school?!? You had BLUE HAIR??!”

· "The teenage angst was real in high school" 

· "Oh god i can't believe you had a nose ring"

· His mom is like: “he had his he combat boots and eyeliner too...” “ma!!” “Please go on!!” Steve: “what have I done...

· You feel bad so you share some of your own embarrassing stories from high school

·“I once got caught making out with the coach's son

· "No way" 

· "Yeah i got banned from the locker room"

· “What else?” 

· “Um... can’t tell that one in front of your mother... oh I once made got into class through a three story high window”

· "You could have gotten seriously hurt" 

· "I was 16 i wasn't thinking"

· “Unbelievable.” 

· “Oh come on. You have to have done stupid stuff

·"I guess i did ride a skateboard into a pool once..."

· “A full pool” His mom tacks on.

· “Ma!”

· Vacations with Steve are tough because he's constantly checking his phone for an artifact sos

· You helped Claudia build more tiny artifact ping things and have them on your person.

· "Steve we're on a beach in the Bahamas, they can handle the warehouse for one week without us"

· “I know... I just... you know?”

· “I do... and I get it. But right now you and I are on mandatory vacation so let’s enjoy it.”

· You make Steve turn his phone off and take a long walk along the beach

· That walk is empty enough for the occasional ass grab from you.

· Once Steve truly starts to relax you guys explore the island taking in all the information the tour guides give you

· You guys spend the rest of the first day getting ideas on what to do. Now you’re back in the hotel room. You decide to shower, now covered in sand.

· one of the days you found out there's a hot surfer giving paddle boarding sessions

· After your paddle boarding lesson you returned to your room both you and Steve blushing about how hot the guy was

· “Can I just say that instructor was very hot!! Not as hot as you Steve but...”

· "That was one gorgeous man, think we should try to set him up with Pete?" 

· "Honey Pete is straight" 

· "You sure about that?"

· You think for a minute. “Well... now that you mention it....”

· You keep that idea on the backburner as you grab the phone to order some room service 

· "Tomorrow's the last day what do you want to do?"

·  “Honestly? Let's relax here maybe get a massage and then order in.”

· The next day you do as Steve suggests and just relax

· You sleep in and have lunch 

· Get a couples massage and end the day with one last walk on the beach

· At the end of the walk Steve stops you before you return to the room 

· "Y/N there's something i want to talk about" 

· "What's that?" 

· "Us"

· “Okay... should I be worried?”

· “No! No! Nothing like that.

· "What is it then?" 

· "You know i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you" 

· "This is sounding like a proposal Jinksy" 

· "Don't worry I'm not proposing, we're not ready for that right now but one day I want to"

· You smile. “I’d like that too... one day... that isn’t today.”

· “I love you Y/N.”

· “Love you too Jinksy”

·  "Wait till Claudia finds out" 

· "I'm more worried about Pete, he's been waiting for the engagement since our first date" 

· "We really need to set him up with the hot surfer" 

· "Yes, yes we do"