#i just want someone to spend my life together in that way

[yumseokz]

RIIZE MTL ☆ who can stay as fwb

most likely

seunghan ☆ he likes to keep his options open anyway, so this works for him really well. he’s good at viewing sex as only sex, without attaching any deeper meaning to it. he’s really good at maintaining the friendship and would be down to hang out outside the bedroom, like, you would truly just be a couple of besties who occasionally get freaky together. can act jealous but it’s just a cute act, he doesn’t care

sohee ☆ also very good at not attaching deeper meaning to sex, he really views it as you and him blowing off some steam. he’s not cold by any means, in fact he’s very sweet in-between your rendezvous, isn’t afraid to ask you to stay a bit longer and order in some food or watch a movie, keeps things very platonic and doesn’t enforce any romance onto the relationship, he doesn’t get jealous easily either so it really is a good arrangement

eunseok ☆ i initially had him at the top of the list, and i’ll explain why he has moved down. eunseok is good at “no strings attached” sex, his only goal during sex is to make it pleasurable for you and him. sex with him isn’t unemotional though, he can hold eye contact while railing and speak into your ear prettily without catching feelings, he just wants to give you a good time. HOWEVER, i don’t think he would be very happy with you having other partners. at first his logical reasoning is that multiple sex partners is dangerous, “catching a disease would be bothersome, going to the clinic is annoying” he would say, but i think deep down it’s a matter of him wanting something exclusive, he’s not able to share, not just bc of a looming fear of STDs lol, but because once he gets fond of you and your body, he wants it to be just him & you

wonbin ☆ it starts off so well.. he’s good at hiding his feelings (and he has a lot of feelings despite his cool exterior) so he’d be able to maintain your fwb relationship for a while. however, the lines start to blur the more time you spend in his bed, the more he sees you in his dorm room the more he pictures you as a permanent part of his everyday routine. wonbin is someone who loves his comfort, his bed, his private space, so when you, your smells, your missing earring or the panties you left behind infiltrate his bubble the more he becomes dependant on you and your presence (can’t say more on this because i’ll spoil my upcoming fic)

shotaro ☆ the second you establish your relationship with him, he already knows it’ll be broken. he will keep up the act for as long as it lasts but ultimately shotaro is a domestic man who values the home life. he yearns for physical intimacy that doesn’t only include your mouth on him and he gets very jealous when he finds out you have side pieces. a very monogamous man who wants it to be just you & him or nothing at all, he’ll stay because he genuinely likes and respects you but his priority is finding a wifey

anton ☆ anton just doesn’t like fwb, he prefers a relationship that isn’t just physical, he wants an emotional connection, he has a very romantic nature that he can’t suppress. he would be easily persuaded into a fwb relationship, his busy schedule and his affinity for you rationalises it, but he would quickly become depressed with the arrangement.. he loves the sex but he doesn’t like how quickly your time together ends, one day he’ll accidentally spill all his thoughts while ploughing into you, the mood would seriously shift into a depressing one *cue angst*

sungchan ☆ you’re becoming his girlfriend, no questions asked. he cannot hit it without attatching emotion in some way, he becomes emotionally attached to the pum and hates the possibility of you having other sexual partners besides him, sungchan is clingy and possessive and that doesn’t work with your fwb agreement. he’ll either be attempting to take up all your time or he’ll straight up convince you to date him, starts asking you out on proper dates and tries to be more domestic before and after the act, cooks for you and starts hoarding YOUR belongings and doing YOUR laundry so you have a reason to come back and see him 🚬

least likely

[cherry-hulu]

greetings...i respectfully would like to place down my 2 cents for diamond life

reader is hard at work under the desk in woozi's studio, whenever a member-specifically shua and minghao or honestly whichever member wants to blow off some steam while recording, all woozi has to do is pull them off him, hold them by the hair and let said member go nuts...the sadists that they are 🤐

— Accelerando!

Warnings: woozi x free use!reader x joshua x the8, cockwarming, oral (m receiving), tears, gagging, lots of cum, voyeurism, filming

More like this... Diamond Life : The Series

Recordings can either be the smoothest sailing days or the harshest battles against the flow. Sometimes it would be over in a few hours, sometimes it could take up the whole day.

When the members said Woozi practically lived in his Universe Factory, they meant in. He even had his own foldable bed in it and everything. All his amenities at one place for his comfort.

Out of all the members, Woozi would argue that he benefited from you the most. He had always loved the idea of cockwarming, especially while he worked on his chair. The idea of someone keeping his cock warm and hard while he made music was magical.

You sat under his desk, legs crossed, eyes closed, head resting on his hard muscle packed thigh, mouth occupied with his heavy thick dick in your mouth. You may seem at rest but your tongue definitely wasn't. Occasionally moving, licking the veins from the sides of his cock. Throat constricting at carefully calculated times.

"Lets do one more run towards the end. I wasn't satisfied with the last part, I think both of you can do more." Woozi spoke, his fingers pressing on the button talking to Joshua and Minghao who was in the booth recording for a duet.

Minghao sighed and nodded, Joshua just held his headphones in understanding. The two calmest members of the group, but the last person they'd want to piss off. An enigma of the saying 'The calm before the storm.'

The two went for a few more rounds in the studio, before slowly, the frustration started creeping in, tension building up in the booth until it was showing in their voices.

Truth is, Woozi was doing this on purpose, he believes that there's no better view than you choking and crying on a dick. He would always do it to you, loving the bulge his cock would imprint on your throat, the way your glassy eyes look up at him showing no signs of thinking, completely dumb and cock drunk.

As much as he loves seeing it in first person, he can't help but wonder what it'd look like in second. The boys really have spending alot more time together, Seungkwan's enthusiasm over exhibitionism was starting to get to him.

"Hyung.. I don't think I can do it anymore, it's getting overwhelming. We've been here for hours repeating the same line over and over again. I need a break." Minghao complained, ever so well thought out and collected, but his body language says otherwise. He looked stiff, eyes tired and basically begging for rest.

"I agree, I think it would be better for us to have a break and recollect ourselves, maybe it's the exhaustion that's causing the bad outcomes." Joshua nodded, looking back and forth between his friends.

You open your eyes at the sound of their voice, looking up to Woozi with a hopeful look. He told you of his plans asking for consent, and you eagerly nodded not even a second after the words left his mouth making him chuckle and call you a slut.. which you ultimately got heated up over, and no, you didn't beat him to death, but your pussy may say otherwise.

The pale man was silent for a minute as if he was thinking, before ultimately agreeing and letting the boys out. As the duo leave the booth, Woozi pulls his dick out of your mouth making your saliva drip all over the floor and off his dick.

Rolling his chair to the side, he reveals you to the boys, looking pretty all wet and open wide for the two. "It would be better for you two to release your frustrations rather than have them bottled up, 'no?" Woozi said, dick standing up and and as proud as himself for his plan execution.

"Yeah, definitely." Joshua sighed, pulling his dick out of his pants, getting harder and harder each passing second as you crawl on your fours to get to him. He gives his dick a few strokes before shoving himself in all the way in your mouth.

Joshua, Seventeen's Gentleman, was nothing like the man the public perceives of him. He was anything but gentle, always leaving you bruised and nearly unconscious after fucking you. Cuffing you down, pressing you hard against the bed, everything but being gentle.

Minghao was silent, but he wasn't non threatening, situating himself behind you, his focus immediately zeroed in on your exposed cunt. You were wearing only a thin oversized shirt — probably from Mingyu — and nothing else. What was the point of wearing under wear when it's just gonna be put aside anyways?

The chinese man was known for his relentless and often unfiltered mouth. He wasn't any different in sex, seemingly having developed an oral fixation on your pussy, always eating you out whenever given the chance to. He usually starts off slow, before adding his fingers, and going feral using you.

Your whimpers were muffled by the dick inside your mouth, heavy and big. Joshua surprisingly was starting off slow as well, probably due to the younger kneeling behind you. But his pace doesn't stop him from going rough. Giving you deep, hard thrusts, that have your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Tears were already rolling of your face, muted gagging sounds emmited from you as he sensually fucked your mouth as if it was your cunt.

Woozi felt like he was in a real life porno. Sitting like a king in his chair with his legs in a manspread, slowly jerking off his hard on. From his perspective, the bulge on your mouth was extremely evident. Him and Joshua were pretty similar in girth, having only an inch difference in length.

From behind you, Minghao was finally starting to quicken his pace. Slender fingers now toying with your cunt, tongue lapping and licking all over you resulting in nasty slurping sounds. He didn't knew whose cum was mixxed with yours, but whoever it was, his diet must be healthy for it to taste this good. Or maybe it was just your magic.

His tongue slides in and out of you, practically cleaning you up to get you ready for a fresh new batch of cum inside of you.

Joshua was now collecting your hair and putting it up in a pony tail, his big hands giving him no struggle with the task. You mentally prepare yourself as this was his ritual before losing all his mercy on you. He groaned as he gives you a deep hard thrust, before pulling out and pushing back in, this time with a much faster, deeper, pace.

Minghao moves his face away from your cunt, opting to finger you instead. His dick was getting painfully hard, having been ignored for too long. His patience runs thin when he's horny.

Finally taking his dick out, he pushes in inside of you, immediately matching with his hyungs pace in a way that he was in fucking into you at the same time Joshua was. Two dicks pressing deeply inside of you at the same time, at the same intervals.

You sounded and looked like a mess. Torn between gagging and moaning. Your face was flushed, full on crying now. Had it not been for Joshua in front of you, your face would be on the floor planted flat right now.

Woozi was shamelessly jerking off while watching the whole thing. His mind has orchestrated alot of masterpieces throughout his life, this was no doubt one of them.

"Agh.. fuck." Joshua strangled out as he came in your mouth, forcing your face into his dick, nose pressing against his pelvis. He was a heavy heavy cummer, emphasize on heavy if it hadn't been yet. Always leaving you full or choking even more on his cum, not just his dick.

Sweat was dripping of his forehead as he look down on you, panting with veins visible all over his arms and face. "Good girl, good job. Take it all. All of it." Joshua praised in a husky voice, clearly worn out from todays activities. But no matter how tired he was, he would never pass out on your hole.

Minghao followed soon after, filling up your other hole with his own cum. He rocks his hip back and forth into you creating a ring of cum around his dick. "Hyung.. look at this." Minghao called out, eyes focused on where the two of you connect.

It was all Woozi needed for him to cum as well. Cursing under his breath as a string of cum spurts out his dick, landing all over his chair, shirt, and even on the floor.

Joshua reached out to his back pocket for his phone. Opening the camera, he hit the record button making surs to catch your face in the frame.

Slowly, he pulled his dick out of you, a flow of his cum dripping out of your mouth. You were panting like a dog, eyes blown out, all fucked out to realize that there was a camera in front of you. Joshua pressed a thumb on your tongue, prompting you to open up more.

He dragged his thumb from your tongue to your lip, spreading cum all over. Angling his phone to where it catches the both of you, he pulled you into a kiss, tasting and cleaning his cum from your mouth. Tongues lapping all over each other, dirty sounds coming from the two of you. Alternating between open mouth kisses to French kissing.

"Fuck, hyung." Minghao whispered when he felt his dick getting hard again. Looks like it won't be just the three of them who'll be working hard in the studio today.

[calirph]

𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒. all these sentences come from a search on goodread's keywords for fantasy romance and romantasy. please change names, locations and pronouns as you see fit. some of these might be suggestive.

“Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.”

“But I will not run. I wouldn't be standing here if I'd quit every time something seemed impossible to overcome. I will not die today.”

“There is no me without you.”

“They say the soul cannot rest until it finds its match. Then it ignites.”

“You don't love someone because they're a dream of perfection. You love them because of the way they meet their challenges, how they struggle to overcome. You love them because together, you bring out the best in each other.”

“Do you make it a habit to compliment everyone who's trying to kill you?"

“Do you really want to put yourself through this? Is loving me really enough to endure everything you have to just to be with me?"

“Make no mistake, little human. You are under my protection now, and I protect what is mine.”

“Love is when you’d rather see someone one last time and die, than never see their face again.”

“You are sweet to be so concerned over my love life, but I’ve decided only to date guys who have bigger swords than me.”

“Laire, get back here! You do not drink before we meet with our mortal enemy.”

“She's magic, Cassandra. A single flower blooming in an endless desert.”

“I bring you the whole of my heart at the rising of the moon and the setting of the stars.”

“You're exquisite. You're transcendent. And you are mine.”

“Fight me, love. You'll need the strength at the pass. Let that power fly."

“Gods, there seemed to be nothing more humiliating than being attracted to someone who didn't feel the same.”

“Call him. Claim him. Speak his Name. Make him thine before all others.”

“They were all short lives. She'd just wanted to spend more of hers with him. She'd just wanted more time.”

“You could never hate me as much as you want me.”

“That’s the thing about life. To know there’s an end, to be unable to run from it, but to live anyway.”

“I would fetch you the moon if only to spare your tears again”

“I am Death. And you are a fool. I hope revenge is worth it.”

“They despise us because we are Immortal, but it is the blood that runs through our veins ...That they fear.”

“The time for hiding is over. The time for fear is over. The time for action is now.”

“You are powerful by birth but have it in you to be good by choice.”

“It's not protection, little dragon. It's a claim. You're mine. No one touches what belongs to me.”

“Maybe you’ve know what it’s like to be at the bottom, but I doubt you’ve known hell.”

“How can I even look at any other guy on campus when you’re always on my mind? Literally.”

“Love is a not a weakness.”

“My future had been set for me before I was old enough to question it.”

“No one doubts your honourable nature, most noble of kings and best of brothers.”

“When you erupt, girl, make sure it is felt across worlds.”

“Be everything you truly are. That’s all I’ll ever ask of you, my silver one.”

“But if we don’t have peace, we shall have you.”

“Oh, Gesela, do not pretend you despise my attention.”

“He was beautiful and cold, like winter…”

“Answer my question. Send to my will. Why have you come, sweet one?”

“When you spend so long trapped in darkness, you find that the darkness begin's to stare back at you.”

“Iron is made stronger in the hottest part of the fire, Seth. You didn't break me, you forged me.”

“The whole damn world could burn, and I would still love you. When everything dissipates, you're the only thing I see. You've always been.”

“I’ll happily play the villain if you’re my reward, Mareina.” 

“This realm’s moon hung on the skies, mine laid beside me, smiling and radiant.”

“If you're going to lie, make it a good one.”

“No one is killing my king tonight.”

“My beautiful Olivia, you are the moon of my night sky, beaming light and beauty into my life.”

“That’s it, my bride. Take your pleasure.”

“Perhaps, but the mind is also a powerful force. What you believe, you often see. And what you hope, often comes to be.”

“Patience is about as foreign to me as mercy."

“Remember that you are a wolf. And you cannot be caged.”

“I would have suffered a thousand more years to be with you.”

“It’s not easy to ignore an unfinished day that has been set on reminding you of its bitterness.”

“We aren't anything like strangers anymore, and certainly nothing like enemies. Compassionate like friends. Tender like lovers.”

“All or nothing. In dreams as in life.”

“You need me because I am the Queen of Ithicana.”

“You are mine, mo krrá. The same way that I am yours. From now until the end of time.”

“She would not be mastered by anything again; she was the master of herself.”

“When will you see I'm not your enemy, but your weapon. Wield me..”

“I may be evil but I do have a heart, Princess. It belongs to you. “

“There's no room for doubt on the wings of birds, let alone on the mane of moon dust.”

“I'll say it again. I don't care what you are. I care about who you are.”

“Your wish is my command, my queen.”

“I thought all you princes wanted was demure virgins you could pluck for the first time."

“Power was poison, one that slipped beneath the skin and which could turn even the purest soul into a wicked monster.”

“Love was a lethal weapon that rivaled the sharpest sword. It cut directly to the heart.”

“Morgan Pendragon is far from insignificant. She's a force of destiny and you would do well not to trifle with her or ever let her name cross your lips again.”

“I don't think I've ever met anyone as vexing as you,"

“That was what it meant to have power, wasn't it? You could simply destroy that which didn't serve you.”

[moonlitwitchdaisy]

your husband, i mean ex-husband

you knew perfectly well this wouldn’t end well. who would ever think a failed relationship could work again? bringing back the past only brought more anger and pain. your ex-husband was a prime example of this.

naoya zenin was definitely a fucking bastard.

controlling, angry at everything, and the embodiment of neglect—your ex-husband had thankfully been out of your life for five whole months.

so why the fuck was he between your legs right now, busy devouring your pussy?

“na-naoya fuck, please stop…” you barely managed to voice your protest through the overwhelming pleasure you were experiencing. you didn’t really want him to stop, but this needed to end before things got even messier.

naoya paused the frantic and sloppy movements of his tongue on your clit, lifting his head from your pussy with a look that screamed, are you serious right now?

“do you my cock want then?”

fuck. things were definitely going to get messier.

“no, no, just… stop, please.”

your ex-husband sat back between your legs, clearly annoyed, and let his gaze travel over your entire body, starting from your face. his expression was unreadable, but you knew him well enough to recognize the gears turning in his head. those weren’t the eyes of someone who planned to reward you—they were eyes ready to punish.

“naoya, don’t even—” you started, but before you could finish, he suddenly flipped you onto your side. before you could even react, he had your right leg over his shoulder, positioning himself between your thighs.

he definitely wasn’t going to fuck you romantically in a goddamn spooning position.

“you know,” he started, holding your thigh effortlessly in one hand as he stroked his cock with the other, “i was planning to spend the whole night worshiping your pussy until you lost count of how many times you came. then, i was going to slide inside you, fill up every inch of that tight little pussy, and pump you so full of my cum that you wouldn’t leave this bed without being pregnant.” he tilted his head, an infuriating smirk on his face. “but, as usual, you had to ruin my surprise with your stupid thoughts.”

you tried to push him away with your right foot, but he had you trapped. your other leg was pinned under his body, leaving you helpless. there was no getting out of this unless he wanted to let you go—and you both knew he didn’t.

“you bastard, i swear—AHH!” your scream tore through the room as his thick cock entered you, stretching you wide.

“fuck… i’ve missed my wife’s pussy so much,” he groaned, his grip on your thigh tightening as he felt your walls clench around him. you could feel his body trembling with pleasure against yours.

goddammit, you had missed this. you’d missed how his cock, thick and veiny, filled you up perfectly, molding to your walls as if it were made just for you. the only thing you and naoya had ever been good at together was sex. in that area, you’d never lost a single battle.

he was merciless, pounding into you with brutal precision, his cock slamming into your dripping core over and over again. he was relentless, driven by the desire to feel all of your heat and wetness wrapped around him.

“hah, got nothing to say? you, who never shuts up... can't seem to open that damn mouth of yours now, huh?”

“fuck you, na-naoya,” you spat, your face buried in the pillow. everything was too much—the sensations, the pace, the depth. even if you wanted to reply, you couldn’t.

“listen to this.” he went silent for a moment, letting the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin fill the air. “listen to the dirty, filthy sounds of your little slutty pussy begging for my cock. ngh—it’s clenching around me so tight, like it doesn’t want me to leave.”

it never wanted him to leave. there wasn’t a single day you didn’t want him. no one else could satisfy your pussy the way he could—whether it was his tongue, his fingers, or his cock.

“so-deep… you’re so deep,” you finally lifted your head, looking at him with tear-filled eyes from being pounded by his cock.

“of course i’m deep. it’s my wife’s pussy—”

“ex-wife,” you cut him off, your voice trembling. “your ex-wife…”

“FUCK NO!” his voice rose in anger as he slapped your ass three times in quick succession, forcing a scream from your lips. “you are my wife. i don’t give a fuck about legal bullshit. do you understand me?” another harsh slap landed on your ass. “DO YOU?”

“oh my god, yes—YES, I UNDERSTAND!” you shouted through the mix of pain and pleasure.

“good. now, repeat it.” he pressed a wet kiss to your ankle. “i am naoya zenin's wife. say it, my love,” his lips found your ankle again, his tongue teasing the skin there while his slick cock plunged into your tight, sticky walls.

“i’m… i’m your wife, naoya,” you admitted, your voice shaking but certain.

“i-i..” fuck, you really wanted to say it. you wanted to scream to the whole world that you were his wife, the only lady of the zenin clan. but nothing was the same anymore. at least not for you—though, judging by your husband, no, your ex-husband, everything was exactly as it used to be.

“yes, you?...” his kisses trailed higher up your leg, his possessive eyes locking onto yours. “look at me.”

his commanding tone made you obey instantly. “i’m your wife, naoya.”

he growled as you admitted you belonged to him. his lips pressed kisses along the skin of your leg before suddenly biting down on a spot. it was as if he wanted to brand you, to make sure everyone knew you were his, sucking and tugging at your skin with his teeth. “that’s fucking right. you’re mine.” he didn’t stop moving inside you, his cock still pounding and filling you completely. “you’re a fucking zenin. the woman at the head of the clan. MY wife. fuck—mine.”

his head fell back, and his thrusts slowed as he got closer to his release. but still, every slow thrust hit your g-spot with perfect precision. the blunt tip of his cock you loved so much, the one that drove you crazy, was stroking it so perfectly that you never wanted this moment to end.

“you’re going to take my cum like a good wife, aren’t you? you’re going to carry my children—fuck, my children…”

“please, fill me up, please.” you were begging now, desperate for him, for this. no matter how toxic he was, no matter how fucked up everything had become, you wanted to bear his children more than anything.

“i will, baby. ngh—shit, shit, shit…” his hand squeezed your thigh as he resumed pounding into you with full force. his cock pulsed inside you, and you felt the rush of his cum filling you up, flooding your womb until it spilled out.

“oh my god, naoya, i hate you—I fucking hate you,” after shouting your hatred at your ex-husband, a deep, masculine groan escaped him. he’d cum inside you countless times before, but you couldn’t ever remember him cumming this much.

as his cock softened slightly, you thought he’d let you go, but instead, he flipped you onto your stomach and pinned your arms behind your back with one hand. his free hand came down hard on your ass, making you yelp.

your other leg was still hooked over his shoulder, but his dripping cum was already sliding out of your pussy and trailing down toward your ass. naoya finally let your leg go, and just as you thought you’d be turning to face his sweat-slicked body, he flipped you onto your stomach instead. pinning your hands behind your back with his left hand, he delivered a sharp slap to your ass. “ass up. i’m not done yet. i need to fuck you again to make sure none of my cum goes to waste.”

without a hint of hesitation, you lifted your hips, offering yourself to him. with your face buried somewhere between the pillow and the sheets, he used his free hand to spread your ass cheeks wide. his cum, still inside you, began to drip out, making a soft, lewd drip-drip sound as it landed on the sheets below. “what a fucking waste, letting it drip onto the bed,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with mock disappointment. “guess i’ll have to punish you for that. but first…” he leaned in close, his face just inches from your ass, and ran his tongue from your soaked pussy all the way up to your tight little asshole. when he stopped there, his warm breath fanned over your sensitive skin, making you shiver. he pressed his face close to your dripping folds, running his tongue from your pussy all the way up to your tight little asshole, where he paused, letting his warm breath tease you. “i want to taste this. you lose your fucking mind whenever i eat this tight little hole, don’t you? if you get pregnant tonight, maybe next time, i’ll do more and fuck this tight, fucking sinful hole of yours too.”

“i-i promise, naoya.”

“what do you promise?” his breath tickled your sensitive skin before his tongue gave your hole a short, teasing lick.

“ugh—to carry your child. i promise to carry your child.”

“that’s the right answer, mrs. zenin.” he wasted no time and dove in, licking and devouring your favorite spot with relentless enthusiasm.

that night, you learned with absolute clarity that there was no escaping from this man. whether you gave him the clan’s new heir or not, whether you fled to the other side of the world to escape him, naoya zenin would never abandon the lady of the his clan.

a little note: this might be one of the first things i've written. it was a bit different originally, but after rereading it, i didn’t like it, so i rewrote it. also, a huge thank you to @sugurus-thoughts for encouraging me to post this :)

all rights belong to the @moonlitwitchdaisy do not copy, reproduce, or translate my work.

[skvaderarts]

Jayvik Request #1: By Eros Set Ablaze

Summary: Word Count 3.9K A03 Link

Viktor heads to the forge for the first time to see Jayce about some discrepancies in their calculations and it awakens something in him. The "this better not awaken anything in me" meme except he doesn't even get past the first three words. Set right after they meet in S1.

Slowly working my way through the ones you voted for on this list.

By Eros Set Ablaze

Note: This one is for Kaylakenobi and Wuekka! Truly, we all have the Jayvik Brain Rot. There is no hope for us. I hope this was worth the wait!

—

It was a combination of necessity and curiosity that compelled him to leave the lab that day. 

Waiting for a break in the rain, he’d seized his opportunity and left behind the familiarity of the lab to venture across town, his destination a place he’d never been but had heard oh so much about.

Jayce had a complicated relationship with the forge, at least by Viktor’s personal estimations. He spoke of his work there often and held great pride and reverence for his family’s heritage as toolsmiths and skilled metal workers, but also seemed to feel trapped by that same legacy at times. Perhaps that was part of the driving force that had guided him down the path to creating Hextech. A desire to improve lives, but also a yearning to stand out via his own merits. To make something of himself outside of his family name. To break the mold, metaphorically speaking. He didn’t want to spend his entire life in a forge, hammering away against an unyielding anvil until his arms and back gave out any more than Viktor wanted to spend his existence as someone else's assistant. Neither of them was content to stay in the boxes that had been constructed around them by the circumstances of their births.

The two of them truly were more than the sum of their parts when they worked together. They were partners.

It was that little word, wasn’t it? The way that Jayce had claimed him as his equal the moment he’d proved that his conviction matched his own. The night it had become their dream, not just Jayce’s. The way his friend’s idealism brought out his own, long since buried under layer upon layer of staunch pragmatism. The way it inspired such undying loyalty in him. No one had ever looked at him and seen someone worth touting about at their side with pride. The vast majority of people didn’t even ask him his name. His position as Heimerdinger’s assistant had held more weight than his first name ever had. Yet he couldn’t muster the energy to lament that fact. It was simply the way it was.

Except with Jayce. Never with Jayce.

Jayce was out of the lab that day, working on a prototype mold for a new project they’d just finalized the dimensions on. Or so they thought. That was what his intrepid companion intended to find out and the reason why he’d made the decision to do the molding process himself. And consequently, the very thing had brought Viktor out in the rain. A risky endeavor for him specifically. He didn’t want to consider the dire consequences of slipping on the uneven cobblestones beneath him. Such a largely inconsequential thing to everyone else. But him?

Other workshops and small parts manufacturers were ready and willing to do the job for them should the need arise, but Jayce hadn’t seen the point in bringing anyone else on board when he was certain that he could handle it. He was going to try. And if he couldn’t then he would ask for help. It wasn’t a matter of pride so much as it was a matter of certainty in his competency. He knew from hard-earned experience that this should be a simple task for him, so why not spend a few hours doing the physical work required? He wasn’t above it.

And Viktor wanted to see it. He wouldn’t admit that, but he did.

Forge work wasn’t simple. Hammer work by its very nature refused to be delicate on the body. Yet the very notion of such a thing was strangely thrilling to him in concept alone. He’d seen the aftermath of a few of Jayce’s trips to the forge, but this time he wanted to see if he could watch the process unfold. To educate himself.

Such a romantic notion, to be physically capable of such a task. Though perhaps only to him. He didn’t desire to try it, but still.

Viktor fiddled with a folded sheet of paper in his pocket as he approached the address. He’d never seen the building in person before. In his mind, it was far smaller. And yet here it stood, in all its magnificence. The Talis family forge. As splendorous as it was intimidating at first glance.

Clad in bricks that reached a height equal to that of several multi-story buildings in its general vicinity, the factory building cast a shadow over him as he gingerly navigated the gravel path that led to its side entrance. He’d been told to use it instead of the bay doors should he stop by while Jayce was there. According to him, he kept it unlocked in case of emergency. A good policy. It was always best to take preventative steps when working with volatile, flammable substances.

It was a truly colossal building with soaring ceilings and mammoth riveted steel beams that spanned the width of the and breadth of the ceiling, supporting the building's roof. The structure was dark inside, save for the tall, narrow lead glass windows that flanked either side of the forge’s chimney that stood like a monolith at the center of the back of the building. Along the length of the towering central pipe were slats to visually indicate the position of the flame. 

And by that metric, the machine had only recently been activated. There were flames in the mouth of the forge, but they were low and didn’t seem especially hot.

Viktor paused as he got a better look at the machine. Surely he’d gone to the wrong part of the building? This didn’t look like the kind of complex mechanism that could be operated without a skilled team at the helm. He wasn’t familiar with how the forge was operated, especially one of this magnitude, but it was gargantuan. How was someone supposed to turn it on, let alone use it?

Clearly, he needed a better look at the machine.

As he ventured further into the vast space, the full breadth of the machine became undeniable. Impressive. Truly an impressive work of mechanical engineering. A tool of a truly timeless trade. But then something else caught his eye.

Standing ever so slightly off to the left side of the machine was Jayce, and he appeared to be assessing something. Perfect. Just who he was looking for. He hoped it wasn’t a bad time to interrupt him but-

Taking a deep breath, Jayce grasped one of the leavers on the left side of the machine, pulling it downward until it clanked loudly, a loud rumble emanating from the floor below them. With a concerted effort, Jayce then heaved the resistant leaver back into an upright position, locking it into the proper notch required by the mechanism to enable the machine to do… something. He released it and stepped back, watching as the cogs and gears creaked to life and slowly began to turn. They were larger than he was in both circumference and height, but they still budged, if only marginally. Stopping to observe, he caught sight of his unexpected guest.

“Oh! Hey, Viktor! I didn’t hear you come in! You got my note about me being away from the lab today, then?” He did not speak with the air of a man who had just done what he had. There wasn’t a hint of strain to his tone. Despite how difficult that had looked, it had posed little difficulty for him.

It was impressive, honestly. Viktor’s pulse picked up a bit, something he barely perceived, but still noticeable, even if the cause wasn’t clear to him. He had never considered Jayce weak by any means, but that had still thrown him for a loop a little. It had been, dare he admit it, thrilling to watch? Why was that?

Jayce made his way over to him at a leisurely pace, pleasantly surprised to see him. He’d been asking him for the better part of the last half a year or so to come by. Perhaps a tad longer than that. They were always working on some project or another, but mostly in the drafting and scale model phases. And if they weren’t then they were collaborating on the structure, Viktor was generally at home with all the small core components and mechanisms while he worked on the casings and structures. A harmonious whole. Complex algorithms; networks of masterfully drawn diagrams and grids. Sequences and probabilities. It was a science. Much like fire. And yet, so unlike it. So much less wild and uncontrollable. Or so they knew thus far.

“I’m surprised you finally took up my offer to see how this all works. Do you want a demonstration?” He asked almost a little too eagerly. The shorter of the two couldn’t help but be subtly amused by his thinly concealed excitement. He was trying to play it off as confidence, but Viktor knew Jayce well enough to recognize that special brand of childlike wonder that flared up in him any time he was eager to share something new with someone. How could he deny him the pleasure? And for what?

In truth, Viktor was there on other business entirely. His curiosity notwithstanding, he needed to go over a few key calculations with Jayce before they proceeded with the testing phase. He wasn’t sure if they would have a knockdown effect on the physical dimension of the prototype that Jayce was about to cast, so he’d elected to come. His desire to finally see the forge in person was a secondary personal desire, even if it was one that he was eager for an excuse to indulge in.

It was strange. He was a child of the Undercity. He’d never been a stranger to industrial processes, or especially curious about the majority of them aside from loathing their negative effects on the air quality of the place he called home. He’d seen bits and pieces of them during his time. But this was the first instance that he could recall where he was genuinely intrigued. Perhaps it was Jayce’s personal ties to the process that sparked his curiosity. He was contagious. His excitement and optimism.

“Certainly, Jayce. That being said, the calculations… “ Viktor gradually trailed off as Jayce untucked his collar and began to undo the front of his shirt, shrugging out of his vest. He then set to work undoing the buttons on the front as they continued their conversation, much to the growing confusion of his companion. Surely working with hot metals with no shirt on was an occupational hazard? Was it a matter of being more exposed to the air for cooling purposes? The mind boggled.

“Hold on. Give me one second to get this going and then I can give you my undivided attention. This isn’t nearly hot enough.”

“It isn’t?” Viktor eyed the forge curiously. How exactly did one go about heating something like that? Or gauging the heat levels when they were this low. Was there another lever that he needed to pull to facilitate this process? He supposed he would find out shortly but it was still an exciting prospect. He couldn’t fathom even trying to handle something like this. Knowing his luck, he would tumble into the forge. Not from clumsiness, but sheer bad luck. He seemed to be brimming with that.

But as he pondered this, his eyes drifted back over to Jayce and he froze. His body became as rigid as steel and his breath as slight as a whisper.

He’d… never seen Jayce with his shirt off before… 

Despite the amount of time they spent together, they’d never had any reason to. He was sure that Jayce had probably disrobed around him before, but his eyes were always on the task at hand and hardly ever on what was going on in his immediate vicinity. Their work demanded focus.

And perhaps that was a good thing because if he’d seen him like this under those circumstances it would have almost certainly resulted in an accident at the lab.

Jayce shook his head in response to his previous inquiry. He hadn’t noticed the look of surprise on Viktor’s face. Seen the look of perplexed turmoil that followed it. The quiet panic in his eyes as he realized he was staring and desperately tried to stop doing so to no avail. One eye on the forge at all times, especially with a second person there. There would be no slip-ups.

Viktor only vaguely registered what Jayce was doing as his eyes swept over individual muscles they could find from his torso to his shoulders and neck. It was an arresting sight, the way they flexed as he roughly folded what he’d been wearing, paying little mind to how the room had fallen silent. Each muscle was toned in a way that alluded to his industrious and unconventional athletic habits. It made perfect sense to him now why Jayce always looked so… fitted in everything he wore, but the sudden realization still blindsided him like being doused with freezing water. 

Perhaps that was what he needed someone to do, actually.

“Hold this for me, would you?”

The question was entirely innocent and mundane on Jayce’s part, but Viktor couldn’t help the way his heart threatened to spring from his chest as he accepted the garments with a nod, gesturing with an outstretched hand towards the forge. He kept his composure, feigning a demeanor of composed casual professionalism and unspoken comradery with his closest companion, but he would not attempt to deny the internal struggle he felt surging within him. He felt his heart leap again, this time pounding in a way that made him sure he was very close to embarrassing himself. What was happening to him?

“You might want to stay a few feet back.”

Stepping away from Viktor, Jayce returned to the front of the forge where he took a moment to loosen his shoulder before reaching up and grasping the two-handed bar-like handle that powered some sort of pulley system. The machine groaned and shuddered as gears turned again, faster this time than previously, expanding and contracting the bellows that sent air into the forge. He continued in a rhythm, pulling downward on the handle before allowing it to ascend again, the muscles in his hack and arms flexing as the machine did battle against him but was pulled back under his sway yet again, Jayce always winning the tug of war. Sweat ran down his body in channels from a combination of the exertion and heat, but he hardly noticed, so focused was he on the task at hand. He kept pulling.

The flame grew brighter. Bolder and more brilliant until it soared high above them, the central chamber whistling from the suffocating pressure that had been building up within it. The forge rumbled deep, the ground beneath them shuddering ever so slightly as the fire scorched white hot, silhouetting Jayce in a flattering light that highlighted every visible edge of every muscle his exposed torso was constructed from.

He wasn’t alarmed. Viktor hardly registered the vibration beneath his feet or the now deep red and pink flush on his face. He felt his breath catch and then slow, deepening before evening out gradually. Following the same rhythm Jayce’s body did until he came to a stop and pulled something from the forge, reaching over to grasp the handle of a large hammer.

He was cut like polished stone, chiseled from fine marble like the grandest spires of Piltover. Like a sculpture crafted for his eyes and his eyes only. It was mesmerizing. The rhythm of it. Viktor’s heart rose and fell with each deafening pound of the hammer, the sound wringing through his entire being. His gaze followed the arch and flex of the muscles in Jayce’s shoulder and back as his eyes saw little else. The exposed skin on his face and arms pricked from the warmth that flowed through him, be it from the scalding temperature of the forge, or the blood that pounded through his arteries and veins he did not know. He had stopped questioning it by then.

Viktor hadn’t registered that he’d gradually inched closer to him any more than Jayce registered the questioning gleam in his eyes as they bore into him from behind, the blaze of the flames reflecting in his warm amber-brown irises like light dancing off the shoreline at night. He crooked his head ever so slightly to the right, his normally brilliant mind unable to conjure any other image than the one before him. Unwilling to manifest a single other thought than the ones currently dancing about his now vacant skull.

This sight as he beheld it in all its unexpected splendor, this experience. It had such an effect on him. Such a hold on his failing faculties or lack thereof. And it gripped tightly, unyielding. Unrelenting in its almost vengeful power. He had never felt such a rush of sensation before. He felt the deep flush in his face spread to his neck and his ears as he let out a heavy breath. The air was stifling. Sweat ran down his face as he watched intently, only barely focused on the demonstration. He almost felt faint.

He suddenly thought better of his no doubt disheveled appearance and made a concerted effort to compose himself, shifting his posture ever so slightly for what little good it did. What he needed was a distraction, but there was no salvation to be found. Within the walls of the building stood only Jayce, the forge, and himself. Only the flames fanned by the kiln of Hephaestus himself as Viktor lingered upon the precipice of purgatory, lips sealed in voluntary damnation. Oh, how readily and unknowingly he’d strolled with open arms into the mouth of hell.

Jayce finally came to a stopping point in his demonstration and glanced over at him, immediately noticing two things. That he’d gradually made his way just that little bit closer but not close enough to put himself in danger, and that he looked noticeably dizzy. It seemed that way to him, at least. His face was flush and he looked almost startled that he’d turned around. His breathing seemed uneven in its pace and depth and he wasn’t standing up as straight as he normally was, leaning more on his cane than usual.

“Viktor, are you alright? You look a little overheated. Maybe you should sit down?”

“Overheated? No, I… ” He considered protesting for a moment before realizing that Jayce had misunderstood his current state and decided against it. He was right, in a manner of speaking. He certainly felt warm, but not externally as much as he did internally. Why push him away from a desirable conclusion in favor of one much more personally humiliating? He didn’t have the faintest idea how he would explain what had just happened to Jayce if he was pushed to. He hardly understood it himself. He’d never experienced such an intense reaction to something so harmless in his entire life.

But the more he thought about it, all he could do was shake his head slightly and let out a small chuckle. Jayce had promised to educate him should he ever stop by, and that was certainly one way of looking at the experience. Educational indeed. Eye-opening. He had some soul-searching to do. Or if he was willing to be honest with himself, perhaps he didn’t.

There were some… obvious conclusions he could draw from his experience.

“I suppose I’m unaccustomed to the heat.” It was a half-truth and he knew as much, but it was so much simpler than explaining that. He needed to figure that out for himself first…

Jayce hurried over with a chair he’d stolen from the back corner of the room, setting it a few feet back from where Viktor currently stood. Further from the offending flame but still within view of his work. He gripped the chair and held it still, concerned that Its wobbly back leg would prove to be a tipping hazard to someone who wasn’t aware of it. Maybe he should fix it just in case this visit wasn’t a one-time thing. He hoped it wouldn’t be.

“Seems that way.” 

“Still…” Viktor attempted to look in every direction aside from straight ahead at his friend’s chest as he leaned over him in the chair, his arms outstretched over him as he grasped the back of the backrest. He kept his eyeline and head straight ahead, lower than Jayce’s viewing angle allowed him to properly register, Viktor’s eyes lining up almost perfectly between his chest and his stomach. The way he glistened in the low light, the fire framing him as the storm raged on outside visible only through the murky windows behind the forge… “Did you have more to show me?”

Jayce nodded and stood back, letting go of the chair. If it was going to tip or he was going to fall over then it would have happened by then. “If you're up for it. I’ve got a few ideas to run by you.”

Oh, he most certainly was.

Clearing his throat and shaking his head as if to physically shake the image he’d just borne witness to down into the depths of his subconscious, he leaned back into the chair so he could reach into his pocket and fish out the piece of paper he’d brought all the way over from their lab. Unfolding it, he handed it to Jayce who grasped it and immediately started reading over the calculations. His brow furrowed. There was a problem.

“Most certainty. And your calculations are off. By half a percent, might I add. We must have been falling asleep when we did this.” Viktor sounded amused and they both shook their heads in disbelief, but it was still a problem. It would’ve cost them time and resources to make a second mold and they had too much going on for that. But that crisis had been averted so that was one less thing to worry about. “The corrections are listed on the back. You misplaced a variable. An easy mistake to make on two hour’s sleep.”

Jayce looked like he was going to ask if Viktor had come across town specifically to bring this to his attention, but he knew that was the case. He continued to wear that amused look crossed his face. They probably had been half asleep. It was becoming more and more common for them to spend grudgingly long hours in the lab. A habit he hoped they would collectively break after this new breakthrough. “Well, I’m glad you mentioned that now. Just in time, too. Looks like I have to make a few corrections. I’m going to have to heat the forge back up. Are you going to be able to handle that, or is it going to be too much for you?”

Oh, he certainly hoped to find out.

—

Am I the first person to write something like this? Probably not. Is it any good? Debatable. Did I laugh while writing it? Yes. So I hope you enjoyed reading it! Sorry for the wait! And if you have any further requests, let me know! I have a few more Jayvik prompts coming in the near future and more chapters of one of my existing works on the way (along with another mini multi-chapter fic that I’m about to start) so feel free to check those out. I’d love any feedback you can give me. Thanks for checking this out! I hope you have an awesome day!

[deargravity]

thought a bit too long about hajun's bilingualism and it turned into its own beast in my head, especially because i overfocused on the pride cd track where, at the height of his emotions, he breaks out a word in korean to express himself. both when he's angry / upset after the confrontation with ryuu and when he's grateful / freshly vulnerable later after that conversation with allen and anne. i know it's a trait of his character to be repressed and insincere in expressing himself but i also wanted to spend time on how language might play a role into his self-presentation, and possibly it is reflective of how carefully he has to maintain and build his image. the language he learned inside-out, the language he was born into (korean) and the language he learned outside-in, the language he speaks to blend into the host culture (japanese), and i think that's the bare-bone fundamental immigrant experience that it might also tie into his sense of isolation and how carefully he curates himself to be accepted and admired, without really knowing how deeply he is loved by the people in his life.

when you learn a new language, if you're busy attending to the rules of syntax and grammar and morphology finding the right way to word things, how much room do you really have for putting in your own voice into that framework, how do you really express yourself in the early stages such that you are truly understood the way you want to be, even in regular conversations when you can communicate with someone in their language, so much meaning is lost between what is said and what is heard. especially when language is the conduit for understanding culture as well.

language has been shown to influence our sense of time and direction and even the range of colours that we see so it's not too far-fetched to mirror this learning experience with how hajun had to grow up in japan away from his family, and his language, and acclimatise to an unfamiliar setting. what i'm trying to say is that after having to internalise the idea that he is unloved by his family, the struggle of fitting into a new society might have exarcebated his loneliness as well, especially since he couldn't regularly speak the language he grew up with. how closely was his childhood tied to the language, how often did his feelings get lost in translation growing up, and is this also part of the reason no one has truly been able to understand him, the reason he doesn't bother with honesty after a childhood of growing up alone, thinking himself unloved and not worth understanding, and of course does that affect his relationship with vulnerability into his adulthood? how do you even begin to conceptualise this kind of experience as a kid? everything he learned turned into habit that became less about being instinctive and truthful and more about putting it together correctly, not just in a new language, but also in a new self, for a new place. if you get what i mean by the parallel.

on language: what language do you think with? how do you access and translate memories into another language? what do you lose of yourself in the process of translation? at what point, do you give up on translating and build yourself something new? at this point, aren't you lying to yourself too? of course, you'd also lie to everyone else.

i don't know if i've read too much into something and turned it into a headcanon, but it's just something i noticed in the pride cd track, when his mask cracks under the pressure and not just through language. that aside, i just thought it might be a good place to start understanding part of the reason why he's so emotionally shuttered and distant all the time. maybe it's language, maybe it's habit, maybe it's because he also has a very selective and flawed understanding of himself, and very likely it is also self-loathing but that's a conversation for another day, thank you for reading.

[thoughtfulfangirling]

Mercy sat down behind her desk. “If I can bring her back, if I can give her back to her family,” she looked up at Winston, tears in her eyes, “, that would be the best thing, wouldn’t it? A family to lose someone and get them back.” She shook her head. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

Oh I love this fic. I love seeing Winston and Angela meet! And TRACER BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER! Before she was even around to do so. Without meaning to. She's just that magnetic XD I love the ways they misinterpret each other because they don't know each other and they feel surrounded by a certain kind of people so they think the other must fit in with those people. God, this shit is so good!

"Tracer!” There was a break in his voice, the sound of someone losing a friend. “–s all right, Ben.” Her voice became chipper and familiar, even over the worsening static. “—ings do happen—a pint on me, love” She began to sing as the radio went in and out. “-versities we’ll conquer, Blaze into the star–on land and sea–is won–the skies are winging–one thought–fight for the right–”

This is so real and painful. Tracer does seem to think this is it, and she spends last minutes soothing a friend with a chipper song. But also, also more than that, enjoying her last moments, refusing to spend them just feeling terror and certainly not regret. No, she's going to go out bombastic and enjoying each drop of life she can get! God I love her.

“I don’t understand why I’m here.” ... he was grateful, in fact, hopeful that this position could show his worth and use, that the moon colony hadn’t all been a mistake, that he could bring one good thing from it.

Oh Winston, as if you're not one good thing that came from it! OUCH MY HEART

I’m so sorry, but don’t you mean ‘her’? It is for things. Not people.”” She smiled. “But it’s not my first language, of course.”

Oh ho ho!! Hehe snarky Mercy! You don't get to see that too often but absolutely it suits her in this moment! In this context! I love it!!

“So why are you doing it?” Winston questioned himself as much as her, in that moment.

Oh I LOVE this. He has so much respect for Mercy that while he asks her this and it sounds like he wants her reasons, he's hoping to find purpose in her answer, that she can answer for both of them. And I love that. We do this shit all the time I think.

AND THEN THAT ENDING ANGELA YOU ANGEL I LOVE YOU

Winston #7: “I don’t believe in ghosts.”

LET’S GET INTO ANOTHER ENTIRELY TOO LONG OW FIC SHALL WE. This is part one, I’m looking to publish at least one part a week til I finish it. If you want to read the rest of my OW stuff it’s right here. 1,884 words. 

“Senior Pilot Lena A. Oxton, callsign Tracer, female, aged 26.” The file was set in front of the Winston and he began to page through it, though he’d read it before. A second glance never hurt anything. “Formerly of the Royal Air Force, one of the top pilots for Overwatch’s Air Division.”

“Her father has taken an interest in Overwatch’s experiments since her death.” Winston turned to see a young blonde woman, her hair tied up in a messy knot. Her accent was soft and pleasant. German, maybe? His ear wasn’t always as good as he hoped. “It’s all over the news, his campaign.”

He sighed. “It’s…unfortunate how much attention has been brought to a highly necessary form of ensuring the safety of the world.”

“So she died during the Slipstream test?” Winston looked up at the commander. He’d been given the file, but it had been surprisingly thin, a testament to the secrecy Overwatch had been accused of.

He said nothing, simply hit the switch on a small box on the table. It buzzed to life, a bright voice crackling over the airwaves.

“Control, I’m ‘aving trouble with the,” the radio fuzzed out, static exploding from the speaker, “can’t get an ‘old on–” her voice blurred and faded.

“Tracer, this is Control, come in, Tracer.” There was a measured military panic in the young man’s voice.

“What–blinking–need–”

“Tracer, come in. Tracer. Do. you. Read?”

It was uncomfortable, the feeling of sitting in someone’s last moments, feeling the rising terror seep through the speaker and into their minds, so much harder and more real than reading it on a page.

“I–God–oh bloody hell!” She seemed more annoyed than anything at her aircraft’s disobedience, and it soothed WInston a little. “–not brilliant.”

“What is your position, Tracer?” There was no answer. “Tracer, come in!”

The static dropped, and there was a silence that stretched on for seconds. Then, her voice, straightforward and firm.

“Control, I’m going down.”

“Tracer!” There was a break in his voice, the sound of someone losing a friend.

“–s all right, Ben.” Her voice became chipper and familiar, even over the worsening static. “—ings do happen—a pint on me, love” She began to sing as the radio went in and out. “-versities we’ll conquer, Blaze into the star–on land and sea–is won–the skies are winging–one thought–fight for the right–”

The static fell into one solid hum.

Keep reading

[thefallenangel2008]

Haha, my TV's colors are reallyyyyy confusing lately, haha, I hate this.

[carefulfears]

how do you see mulder leaving in season 9? scully giving up william? how do they deal with these things? (their guilt, resentment, futility, etc)

i know i have a realllllllly unpopular opinion on all of this but as i've said recently, i just don't think there's anything easier on earth to convince mulder of than "things are safer if you're not here."

i usually come back to doggett's confusion in the beginning, the way he keeps asking and arguing and scully just keeps saying "he's gone" and shutting it down, until the end of the premiere when he realizes: "oh my god. it was scully. scully made him go."

god, it's sad. it's hard to talk about. i teared up trying to write this, as much as i am fonder of the storyline than most. i don't find it unrealistic or out of character or unfitting of the narrative. it doesn't mean i don't feel it's heartbreaking. i have such a hard time thinking of mulder missing that baby. not even having the chance to put up a fight, walking back into empty rooms. the show as a tragedy, finding your burden again, etc. the x-files as the gap between teary smiles at baby kicks to screams in a jail cell. as what it was in the beginning: unknowable answers to insurmountable grief.

and i just think about mulder's dramatic emails, writing that he doesn't think he can survive being away from them. spender looking at the baby and telling scully he's heard "so much" about him. mulder being tortured by soldiers, saying he's just thinking about his son. keeping 1 baby photo for 15 years. "i just missed both of you so much."

scully's fertility treatments and her prayers and her tears and her "last chance" and her miracle. and how deeply unfair it is, what happened to her. i don't think a single one of us could say what we could do if people kept breaking into our homes to suffocate a child we were still nursing. she didn't ever want to do it alone, that was never the plan.

but scully desperately wants to keep everybody safe. she thinks she’s keeping everybody safe. it’s hard to be starbuck. it's this conflict i keep talking about recently where you really start to notice how controlled she is by fear, how difficult it is for her to balance it all. my favorite visual on this is the gate at the house in i want to believe: every day the way she pulls up to it, gets out, opens it, pulls through, stops, gets out, closes it. repeat in reverse. and then she comes home and she says "the truth is, i worry about you." and that he's too isolated. turns around and shuts the door, leaves the house and locks the gate.

i wrote a bit a few weeks ago about scully's protectiveness and it made me think about what a trap it can be, how defending lends to fear and fear lends to defeat. to standing in a church 25-years deep and saying "i failed." in the tags of that post i asked "could they ever recover from her exiling him from being with their child because she was afraid it would kill him?" and said i don't know. and i don't, i don't know.

but i think there's something so brave in saying: i did the best i could, and maybe that wasn't right. it's why ghouli is one of my favorite episodes. scully sobbing to her son that she's sorry. she's sorry he doesn't know them. she wanted him, they loved him. "i was trying to keep you safe. i hope you know that." and she thought she was being strong, but maybe she was wrong.

things don't always shake out the way you want them to. it was always mulder that called their son a miracle, and mulder doesn't believe in miracles. mulder believes in the world, and the search, and the after.

[im2tired4usernames]

Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die

[scoriarose]

Baby photos of Scoria and when she first came home <3

Poor dear was in blue when we first met. If I knew I'd have asked to wait! She was the grumpiest she'd ever been in her life, and I can't blame her. I was scared too, it was my first time meeting a snake I can remember, and I had no idea what I was in for. With how upset she was and at first I was worried I made a mistake and brought a dangerous animal into my home that would forever be aggressive and hostile!

I now know she was just scared, not only blind but no idea where she was or what was happening. We quickly fell in love with each other platonically, and trust one another completely. Meeting her is the best thing that's happened in my life! ... And a lot of pretty great things have happened in my life. But Scoria? I've never met so selfless, pure, and sweet a person. And she's so cute! The way she looks at me I think the feeling is mutual, and that makes me so happy <3

[wildevenusian]

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

[sealeneee]

siiiiiiigh

[jikigo]

you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

[stellardeer]

I feel really bad cause my spouse got me an iPad for my birthday a few years ago and I never use it...

He got it for me because I had been lamenting that I wished I had a drawing tablet with a screen instead of the second hand wacom that I use.

But when I unwrapped it I was shocked and surprised and worried immediately. I thought "why did you get me such an expensive gift..." and he said his dad helped pay for it. And then he told me why he got it and I was like oh okay that's nice I guess... but I never wanted an iPad. I wanted a drawing tablet. I was immediately concerned that I wouldn't like it. And I didn't want to sound ungrateful but I expressed that concern cause I was worried it was a mistake to get me such a gift and maybe he could return it... but I ended up keeping it and he got me an apple pencil to go with it and I bought and downloaded procreate to give it a chance.

I hate using procreate. It's a good program but I liked the program I was already using. I like drawing on my computer. Also the process of getting images out of procreate and onto my PC is stupid and cumbersome, and I dont like interfacing with websites from the iPad, I like using my PC. I just wanted a tablet that I could use with my computer that also had a screen. I don't even like Apple products, I never wanted to own one.

If I go on a trip and I want to draw I usually just end up bringing a sketchbook because I like that better than drawing on the iPad.

I gave it a shot for a while but I haven't touched the thing in like 6 months, and I feel bad that he spent so much money on it and I never use it :/

But I also can't complain about it cause it will make him feel bad but like idk, I wish he had just asked me what kind of tablet I wanted or something I mean I didn't even know what I wanted I had no serious plans to upgrade my tablet anytime soon, I still don't even know what I would want if I did. I have a $1000+ piece of fucking technology that I hate and I would rather use the thing that I paid $35 for.