#its a fucking huge one too its like the biggest size they have

[stellardeer]

I feel really bad cause my spouse got me an iPad for my birthday a few years ago and I never use it...

He got it for me because I had been lamenting that I wished I had a drawing tablet with a screen instead of the second hand wacom that I use.

But when I unwrapped it I was shocked and surprised and worried immediately. I thought "why did you get me such an expensive gift..." and he said his dad helped pay for it. And then he told me why he got it and I was like oh okay that's nice I guess... but I never wanted an iPad. I wanted a drawing tablet. I was immediately concerned that I wouldn't like it. And I didn't want to sound ungrateful but I expressed that concern cause I was worried it was a mistake to get me such a gift and maybe he could return it... but I ended up keeping it and he got me an apple pencil to go with it and I bought and downloaded procreate to give it a chance.

I hate using procreate. It's a good program but I liked the program I was already using. I like drawing on my computer. Also the process of getting images out of procreate and onto my PC is stupid and cumbersome, and I dont like interfacing with websites from the iPad, I like using my PC. I just wanted a tablet that I could use with my computer that also had a screen. I don't even like Apple products, I never wanted to own one.

If I go on a trip and I want to draw I usually just end up bringing a sketchbook because I like that better than drawing on the iPad.

I gave it a shot for a while but I haven't touched the thing in like 6 months, and I feel bad that he spent so much money on it and I never use it :/

But I also can't complain about it cause it will make him feel bad but like idk, I wish he had just asked me what kind of tablet I wanted or something I mean I didn't even know what I wanted I had no serious plans to upgrade my tablet anytime soon, I still don't even know what I would want if I did. I have a $1000+ piece of fucking technology that I hate and I would rather use the thing that I paid $35 for.

[blkkizzat]

kali. elaborate on choso's dick😋

pasiiii bby!!! omg yass i would love to expand on bbygyal chosito's ochinchin.

our chositos dick is the perfect size tbh. its not lung penetrating long like gojos or rip your walls thicc like tojis. but clocking in at 7.53 inches long and 5.58 inches in girth (avg girth is 4.8-5.3). so hes still above average but we don't feel like we are dying taking it hfkshfkjsd.

color wise? tip: #db6e79 (you're low key kinda scared how rosy and angry it looks) shaft: f5d8c6 cummies: #fcfbfa

you feel just the tiniest bit of discomfort. i say tiny cause this man is HUGE on foreplay so you will be more than ready and stretched out (i mean it, it dont matter if y'all in the backseat of the car he will BE your seat and want you to ride his face for at least 20 minutes, thats quickie foreplay to him LOL).

his tip is slighty larger though so getting it in or just the tip is a bit of a struggle but its not too bad onces hes inside. there's an upward curve to his dick that deliciously scrapes his tip along your g-spot when he pulls out and slams back in. oh you couldn't squirt before? best believe you a fountain now bitch shdkfdfhbksj.

before you even see his dick you see how hard its thumping in his tattered black jeans. bbygal gets REAL excited at the thought of fucking us and he's not soo overly large where his cock is too heavy to still twitch as much as it does. you will visibly see (and noticeably feel beating against your walls inside) how fiercely his dick twitches in anticipation/excitement of feeling you.

when do you first see his dick, whether he's a virgin or not, you think he's already cummed his pants once you see how the fluids are slowly but steadily dribbling out of his tip. nah, mamas, thats just his pre. you really don't even need lube at all with how wet he gets you and how much pre is coating him. that said, if you thought he leaked a lot of pre out of his pretty little mushroom tip, just wait until that man is cumming inside of you. buckets hoe. BUCKETS. to the point you think there might be something medically wrong with him...

there definitely is something mentally off tho because normally guys that cum as hard as he does (body spasms, pitchy lil whines and throaty moans), would be too sensitive to continue. but he will cry thick tears rolling down his redden cheeks and onto you at the intensity of his sensitivity as he continues to rail into you. which is a good thing too because he definitely came not even one minute in.

yeah our bbygal is a minute man but our lil minute man is a trooper (no actually he just crazy asf for you to the point of masochism) and will stay hard by activating blood manipulation. yeah RIP your coochie, you better start writing the eulogy once this happens.

best to keep our baby in positions facing you so he can every once in a while snap out of his coochie hypnosis by slowing down or speeding up based on your expressions/cries. otherwise with your face stuffed in the pillow and muffled cries, he might go a little overboard in backshots. the jiggling of your ass rippling against his flesh and splashing your fluids like waves will have him transported thinking he is in the middle of a euphoric ocean, losing himself in the motions.

this is why he might not be the biggest or thickest but you will still be just as sore in the morning cause he will fuck you the longest. oh you passed out? don't worry you gave him the somnophilia pass. you don't remember? oh baby, that's cause you were far too fucked out by the time you did. tbf you didn't even remember your own name then.

but don't worry our bbygyal is sweet and is king of aftercare... once you do eventually get that aftercare... in the morning. yeah he also fucked himself unconscious and fell asleep inside you. hugging you tightly to him you're only a tiny bit crushed and overheated. but its okay cause he is so cute the way he is tonguing your nipple and cooing affectionate noises for you like a baby even in his sleep.

just softly pet his hair and try to get a few more minutes of sleep tho... you wouldn't want to wake him just yet.

you're still tired and he will have morning wood you'll have to deal with once he wakes up. ;)

[allfearstofallto]

hii! can i make a request?

I've been thinking about angsty things a bit. say if, reader got pregnant, would she hate it? how would scara/childe react? in my opinion, id like to think that scara thinks of this as a way to tie her down to him more, plus its canon he likes kids!! and as for childe i think he'd be very very happy since he has soooo many siblings, (maybe he wants a lot of kids too??)

and..what if reader miscarried? i have this thought of where scara would still be cold to her but give her breaks and more space than usual, but what if reader completely locks herself in and then when he confronts her about it they get into a huge argument, how would scara tackle that, would he resort to abusive tactics and would it increase readers hatred & distance more?

just a brainrot, you dont have to write about it if you're not comfy^_^

This took me so so so long!! I'm so sorry if you were waiting for it!!

I don't typically write for things like pregnancy because it makes me uncomfortable, but I'd be lying if I said I do not absolutely fucking adore angst and hopelessness.

Parasite

Yandere! Scaramouche x Fem! Reader

Forced Marriage AU

TW: 18+ MDNI, Dark Content, Forced marriage, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Mentions of Dub/Non-Con

A week late turned into two. Two turned into a month. A month turned into three. And three turned into unusual cravings for foods that didn't go together. Sickness and vomiting clouded the hours of your mornings. Dread filled your body the second you realized what this was. Stress makes your cycles late, you told yourself, stress makes your entire body change, and this was a stressful situation, but stress wasn't causing this, was it?

Scaramouche could tell the changes in you immediately. As someone who constantly kept tabs on your life, it was only fair to assume that he'd noticed your slight fluctuation in weight and lack of asking for your monthly cloths. When you were called into his office, you felt a hot flash all over your body, you assumed it was fear, but it could've also been nausea.

His office was a place filled with dread. The air in the room was too thick and worst of all, he was there. The room made you feel small, the only good thing about it was that he was usually too focused on his mile high stacks of paperwork. Except today. Today his razor sharp gaze was focused on your trembling form as you bowed to him, his eyes following down, then back up.

“Answer me honestly,” he began, hands planted on the wood in front of him, “Are you with child?”

If you could throw up again, you would. Of course, you knew all this time, but you never wanted to say it. You hoped, just hoped and prayed that maybe if you never acknowledged it, it would all go away. It would all be a bad dream. But it was true. There was something disgusting living inside you. And it was his.

“I believe so, my lord,” the words couldn't even completely fall from your lips before you were a blubbering, sobbing mess of anguish and fear. Despite the fact that you were completely breaking down before him, he had a small smile on his face, like he was proud of what he'd done to you.

“That's good,” he said calmly, wiping away your tears and planting a forced kiss upon your face. His touch felt cold as ice, but his hands against you made you want to melt your skin away.

The reaction to the “good news” was immediate, whether that was good or bad was up in the air, but everything changed. The tight obi of all the kimono you owned would put too much pressure on your budding stomach, new one's were ordered to be ready as you grew more in size. Your diet was changed completely, less of the Inazuma raw delicacies and more lean meat and vegetables. Daily classes of calligraphy and tea ceremonies were switched to resting with your feet up or light stretching, everything to keep you happy and healthy during your pregnancy.

The biggest change was Scaramouche himself. A man filled with so much hatred and disgust, was suddenly being kinder. Or trying to at least. You watch him open his mouth to make a comment, only to shut it again in favor of saying something still rude, but less insulting.

The Scaramouche that believed that he could take your body whenever he pleased was long gone, even though that was what got you in this predicament in the first place. He'd taken to leaving you in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom to sate his urges. He'd come back with cold damp hands and lay next to you, a protective hand over your stomach as he kissed your cheek and told you how much he loved you.

The day you saw blood between your legs and felt an aching pain in your stomach was a joyous one indeed. A part of you wanted to scream out in glee, but you didn't want to wake your already on edge husband. The blood that coated your fingers could only mean one thing. One good thing. It was gone. You were free of it. Almost immediately, the dark air that seemed to linger over your body vanished and you let out a sigh of relief.

Scaramouche was informed shortly before breakfast that same morning. You relayed the information to a maid, who then told him, whispering the words in his ear so quietly, it sounded like she was speaking gibberish. His face, his expression, changed to one shock, then horror, then pain. You didn't even know he could make such a face, yet there he was with tears in his eyes.

“Wh-what happened?” There was that tone again. The one you were used to. The anger and distaste for you in his voice. He slammed his fist down on the desk, turning his head away from you as his voice became high and breathy, so desperate for answers, “What did I do wrong?”

You stood in his office awkwardly, even this display from a person you hated, this display of agony was hurting you as well. You thought it would be funny. Seeing the man who pulled you from your home and forced you into marriage in pain was supposed to make you happy, but you felt your own chest clenching, felt your hands tremble.

“I-i suppose…I was stressed, my lord,” you muttered, his already labored breaths hitching at those words. The few months you were carrying that thing inside your body, was when he asked for less from you. He expected you to laze around all day and relax. For your body to fall into a daze like trance of naps and delicious food. He wanted happiness for both you and his child that you carried, yet you were still the most stressed you'd ever been in your entire life, knowing that he had something inside you. Something that would continue to fester and grow, until it eventually ate you alive.

He sat back in his office chair dejected, hurt, and empty. Scaramouche's normally sharp, glaring eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling, body limp as he bit his lip, “Leave me,” he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. Had it not been for the quietness of the room, you wouldn't have heard him.

Leave him you did, closing the door as silently as possible and not lingering behind. You felt yourself finally stop tensing, telling yourself that all your woes were over, for now. The thing was gone. You were happy. For once, even if unintentionally, you'd won over your captor.

[subtlelovers]

Toji Fushiguro headcanons

Creator: Yall reblogs, likes, comments and suggestions are GREATLY appreciated!!!! I never knoow who to write these about so I just chose Geto, the nsfw is marked in blue mdni

This man has HUGE hands, you bet he is comparing them to yours. If he ever cares to give you a massage it will be great, thanks to his hands size.

We all know Toji's body is ripped, speaking of huge lets talk about his chest. He loves having you resting your face on it etc.

I feel like Toji hates people but people also hate Toji, you are his only exception.

He definetely has his own gym at home, I don't think he likes when people watch him work out.

I also think that he enjoys working out while you are there though. I feel like he would want you to sit on his back while he does push ups and hold his feet when he does sit ups, so on.

Toji has a resting bitch face, we can admit that. But I don't think he is pissed off all the time, maybe yes he gets dissapointed fast but I don't think he gets mad very easily.

We have heard his deep voice, now imagine it in the morning when he has that deep, raspy just woke up voice.

I think that his love language is acts of service and physical touch, I just imagine it makes him feel warm and fuzzy when he tends to your wounds or you to his. Or doing the chores for eachother for example.

His favourite type of dates is just the casual netflix and chill.

The biggest romantic, buying you roses if he sees something you would enjoy he wraps it up and gifts it to you.

^He is terrible at wrapping presents.

Appears to be super tough but he is the hugest softie when you two are alone together, never letting anyone catch him lacking though.

He is not the kind of guy to ask for cuddles but really loves them.

Toji ADORES it when you sit in his lap, and if you fall asleep while sitting in his lap its even better

He likes watching you put on makeup but will never let you put anything on him, not even as much as a lotion that smells like "girls" lotion.

NSFW MDNI

Lets admit it. Those big hands I mentioned earlier do good in other than just massages. He loves when you start squirming or begging even from just his fingers alone.

He is way more of a hard dom. He has no intention of being gentle, at all.

He is very strong so you bet he will throw you around and manhandle you like he owns you.

We can face it, he is either the type of guy to tease you during foreplay to the point it's just torture. Or he will not do any foreplay at all and go straight to the case.

He always says things like. "Let me hear you" and "I love these pretty sounds you make for me"

This guy LOVES when you give him blowjobs, he also enjoys covering your lips with his pre-cum before inserting himself in your mouth.

When Toji has sex he isn't making love, he Fucks. Yes he is loving in any other situation. Just not when he is having sex, the man turns into a monster.

Toji is definetely not a moaner. He grunts and groans, maybe he lets a whine escape his lips whenever he cums.

He prefers to go in raw, not on the pill? Too bad.

This guy loves spanking your ass, the clap noise is like music to his ears.

Thank you so much for reading, lmk anything you think I missed and also lmk who to do next. Make sure to check out my other ones too!

[justaaveragereader]

10.08 || SlenderMan!Mingi

Pairing: Song Mingi x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Dom!Mingi, Sub Reader, Breast Play, Clit Play, Squirting, Tentacle Fucking, Cum Eating, Restraining, Orgasm Denial, Choking, Slight Teasing, If I Missed Anything..Let Me Know🫣.

A/N: There might be some spelling errors, I misplaced my glasses, and each of my eyes have a different prescription😒. So I wrote this with one eye open, aka my eye that is near sighted. So Im sorry for the errors😭!

Kinktober Masterlist

“Mingi..? Mingi…? Are you out here?” You whisper yell. You had seen Mingi take off into the woodys area in a hurry. Walking around in a hurry trying to find any sign of where Mingi went. Agreeing with all the members that you would split up to search for the big man. At least an hour had to have passed by, your feet were starting to get tired. You hear soft like muffles nearby. Despite what your gut is telling you, you walk closer to the noise. Humming nonsense to yourself to ease your nerves. Pulling out your phone to check the time, you look at your signal bars realizing you have absolutely no signal. If you were to get stuck or lose out here you will have to find your way back on your own. As you are getting closer to the noise, you see a big broad back in a crouching position, quickening your pace you whisper yell once more.

“Mingles! Mingles, is that you?” Hesitating to step any closer just in case it in fact wasn’t Mingi. You pick up a small tig, tossing it at the broad back. When they move just an inch, you realize this thing is way bigger than Mingi, way bigger than any human in fact. Backing away slowly, trying your best to not make much noise. You walk backwards, refusing to turn on whatever was sitting in front of you. When the figure suddenly stands up swiftly. The sudden movement causes you to stumble a bit, yet you don’t fall, you freeze. A loud cracking noise comes as it stretches its body out to its full size. Standing at about 7 feet tall, with a thin pale body your stomach feels like it’s churning. You can feel the sweat drop down your spine, damn Song Mingi, damn him for running into this area, damn everyone listening to Wooyoungs advice on splitting up, and damn your dumb crush on Song Mingi.

Suddenly the creature decides to turn towards you, barely making a noise with its huge stature. You feel your stomach fall immediately, its Mingi. Staring at him with huge eyes, you are soaking in his form. His face is stretched into the biggest intimidating grin you’ve ever seen. When suddenly you hear two bursting noises, black tentacles emerging from his back. Feeling your fight or flight kick in, you dash off. Turning around, trying your best to get as far away as your legs can take you. Your mind is screaming ‘get as far as possible’ failing to notice the scenery around you is changing. It looks so gray out, trees flaking like they are ash. Coming to a screeching halt you stand in the middle of the forest. Chest heaving up and down, refusing to scream for any of your other friends, too terrified to alert whatever it was you saw back there. When you feel something slither across your backside. Too stunned to move, you freeze. Your breath is ragged, slowly turning your head you see Mingi in his large form with black tentacles forming around him, with one extended out. His face was covered in a cocky smirk. Biting your lip to hold your nerves. You let out a breath, turning around, you look at him in his huge form. Trying to brave face it the best way you knew how, bluffing.

“I want to go home. Now.” You squint your eyes at him, hoping he doesn’t call your bluff. Letting out a clicking noise, he shakes his head side to side. His dark and blonde hair shifting with the movement. Peeling himself off the tree, tentacles trailing along with him, he steps a foot in front of you. His dark eyes swirling.

“You know I can’t do that.” He whispers out, one of his black tentacles brushes the side of your face, your body recoiling at the slick feel of it. You continue to lock eyes with him, puffing your chest out slightly. You feel another tentacle slither its way up your pants leg, rubbing back and forth on your hip bone. Shuttering lightly you turn your head, refusing to keep eye contact with him any longer. Mingi always had this effect on you, you always thought you him under your spell, little did you know it was the other way around. His naive persona was just an act.

“Why can’t you do that? Where is everyone? Where are we Mingi, if I can even call you that.” You spit fire questions off to him. Wanting to get answers, your nerves still on high alert. Another tentacle runs up your spine, settling at the back of your neck, brushing over the skin slightly, trying to comfort you.

“I’m still Mingi, it’s still me, always has been, always will be.”

Rolling your eyes you let out a huff, your nerves calming slightly, you don’t know if it’s the cool appendage on the back of your neck trying to console you or the fact that this monster is confirmed to be Mingi.

“Everyone is still here, they just can’t see us, we aren’t in their world. We are in mine.” Ending his sentence with a pur that makes your body hot. You have never seen such a dominant side of Mingi. It was the running gag that he had no dominant bone in his body, yet here he was 7ft tall, voice raspier than what it was. Nodding your head to let him know you were hearing him.

“Look at me.” He speaks out in a low tone. Your eyes shoot over to him. Your body shivering at the tentacle that wrapped itself around your neck. You’d be lying if you said this side of Mingi didn’t turn you on, he didn’t fret, he didn’t shy away, he demanded what he wanted, he spoke with authority. The tentacle around your neck gives you a slight squeeze, taking you by surprise you let out a small whimper. Eyes growing big you slap a hand over your mouth, the heat creeps up your spine, clearly embarrassed.

“You wanna fuck me don’t you?” He says matter of factly. Refusing to make eye contact with you, you remain quiet. The tentacle around your neck squeezes once again, while another pushes your chin forward so you look at him.

“Did I say take your eyes off of me?” He grits out.

“N-no.” You whisper out, stuttering over one simple word.

“Keep your eyes on me baby.” He whispers out, stepping closer to you, three of his tentacles still high in the air. While one remains rubbing your back, one around your neck, and the other keeping your chin forward. As he steps closer you swear he grows in size with each step.

“You always were such a pretty thing. Your eyes sparkle everytime you look at me. Even in this form they sparkle.” He whispers out, letting his eyes rake over your form. Bending down, he puts his nose in your neck, catching a whiff of your scent. Chuckling to himself.

“Wanna know a secret?” His cold lips are on your ear.

“I can smell your dripping pussy from here.” He nibbles on your earlobe, chuckling before stepping back.

“Who would’ve known you were such a masochist.” His tentacle around your neck squeezes tighter, the one brushing your back, slides down, slipping under your shirt. Hesitating to touch you, which you can sense.

“You have my permission..” you whisper out, staring up at Mingi. The rest of his tentacles come flying towards your body, one is wiggling under your shirt, one is busy flicking the button to your pants open, while the other is trying to strip you of any clothes. The smooth appendages run across your body, littering you with goosebumps at the coolness of them, they are growing damper within each second that it runs across your skin. With your pants around your ankles, your shirt tossed on the ashing floor. Your bra pulled down below your breast, he wastes no time, one of the thicker tentacles makes its way to your cunt, sliding over it collecting the slick that’s coming from you. Four tentacles hold you in the air, while the other is on your breast, the tip of it flickering over your perked buds.

With each moan you let out the tentacles that are wrapped around your ankles and wrists grow tighter, not too painful, tight to where you know this is Mingi holding himself back as much as he can. The tentacle from your cunt goes to play with your nipples. Aiding the other one in flicking them, your slick from your cunt is now covering your chest, mixing with the wetness coming from each appendage. You let out a breathy moan at each flick of your nipple. Your body jolts in his tight grasp. Biting your lip you cock your head back, clearly getting off at him just playing with your chest.

In a breathless tone you whisper out Mingis name. Signaling to him that you were close, he hadn’t even touched you much but the way he was playing with your chest, you would’ve assumed he practiced this before. Letting out a groan, he slightly shifts his body, one of the tentacles squeezing your nipple hard, letting out a cry, you try to close your legs to try to get some friction on your neglected cunt. His thinner tentacle comes to run slightly upon your clit, he can feel your legs shake already, flicking its thin tip against your puffy clit, he picks up speed, a thick clear slime is smearing all over your folds with each flick. Your toes clench in your shoes, your breathing picking up.

“Mi-Mingi!” You yell out, the tentacle halts its movements on your clit. Making you let out a high pitch whine. Letting out a small chuckle he brings you closer to him, body still suspended mid air. His thin tentacle pushes with slight pressure against your clit. Making you let out a breathless moan.

“Poor baby wants to cum already.” He stated, not even paying attention to your face as your eyes crinkled up, you could feel your clit throbbing. His thinner tentacle covered in the clear slime, slithered down to your hole, inserting itself real slowly, exploring each and every part of your cunt. You let out a gasp as it pushes against your spongy spot. Rubbing against it slowly.

“Mingi please, please, please.” You beg out, dragging your sentence hoping he’d get the jist, spare you some mercy, any and everything you were willing to pull out in order for you to cum. Letting out a mocking chuckle.

“I don’t know, this is fun. But you do sound so pretty when you beg.”

Pulling you even closer his thick tentacle snakes its way between your folds, slicking up with your own arousal, before slipping into you. Causing you to let out a loud gasp at the size difference. This tentacle was wall to wall in your cunt. Bringing your body closer to his face, your breast sitting right in front of him, letting his tongue flicker out, he swipes at your nipple. Causing you to jolt once again in his hold. Bringing his hand up to grip your neck, applying pressure on the sides. At this rate you were convinced if he even looked at you, you’d cum on the spot. Moving your head so it hangs low, he holds your jaw in place with two of his fingers, making you remain in eye contact with him. His mouth latches onto your nipple, suckling it, his plush, cool lips against your skin, has your toes clenching once more. His thick tentacle replaces the thinner one, moving slowly in and out of you, making sure to push against your spongy spot each time. The thinner one wraps itself around your clit. Feeling so many sensations at once has your eyes rolling back.

“Oh my fuckinggg godddd.” You slur out, head trying to cock back but Mingi keeps his hold on your face, this mouth taking a break from one of your nipples before moving onto the other.

“Eyes on me baby, eyes on me.” He grunts out, his hips shifting slightly, you can feel the sweat drip down your back, your skin prickles with need. Blowing on your other nipple to make sure it remains hard. Your cunt is pouring with arousal.

“Mingi please, please move faster.” You say through a whine. Sucking on your nipple a bit harsher, he gently nibbles on it. He starts pistoning his thick tentacle in and out of you, while his thinner one strums your clit. His other hand comes up to pinch your nipple trying to give you the most earth shattering orgasm you can have.

“Eyes on me baby, you going to cum for me?” He purrs out through in his deep, raspy voice. It feels like your whole body is pulsating. You can feel his thick tentacle pulsating inside of you, adding on to the pleasure.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” You scream out, your hands are balled into tight fists. Your orgasm crashes over you, Mingis thick tentacle still hammers away at your spot, while the thinner one slows down on your clit, lightly massaging it, your legs shake in the grasp of his tentacles. Suspending you in mid air, he positions your orgasming body right over his head, cocking his head back, opening his mouth he catches the juices that spill out of you while remaining eye contact with you. Seeing this sight pushes you over the edge once more, having two shocking orgasms back to back, if it wasn’t for his tight grip on you, you would’ve wiggled your way out of his hold. Your knees buckle, arching your back you let out a shattering scream, squirting right into his mouth, his long tongue sticks out, catching your juices like a happy dog he holds you up for a couple more minutes. Making sure that he caught any and every drop of your orgasm.

His thick tentacle slowly retracts itself, as it pulls out more of your cum splashes onto his awaiting tongue. The thinner tentacle pulls back, tapping your clit once more before moving away. Your chest is heaving, your forehead is dripping sweat, you are convinced you just saw God flash before your eyes, you are convinced Song Mingi is that God. Slowly putting you on the ground, your legs buckle immediately. Mingi swiftly catches you, letting out a low hum, he rubs your bare waist. Retracting his tentacles back into his body. Cupping the back of your head, he rubs the space below your ear. Your body is exhausted, you feel his brick hard cock against your lower belly. Pulling back slightly you realize you are back in the forest, clothes on, back in reality with a shy timid Mingi looking at you with a blush on his cheeks.

“You found her!” Yunho screeches out, whipping your head around as you look at the members in awe. Clearly dumbstruck.

“I hope she didn’t cause anyone to panic. She had taken a tumble, don’t worry though I helped her up. I think her legs might be injured.” Mingi says, scratching the back of his neck. Blush running down to his covered chest. All the members start arguing amongst themselves about why you had gotten hurt, passing the blame around to each other. Talking about how if they wouldn’t have split you wouldn’t have gotten injured. Wooyoung rants about how you were the one who ran off into the forest, while all the members came looking for you, not Mingi.

“If you need me to carry you baby, that’s all you gotta say. Matter of fact, I still haven’t even gotten the chance to cum in that pretty pussy of yours.” Mingi whispers into your ear, so low that no one can hear him except you. His now warm lips brushing against the shell of your ear. Taken back by his sudden boldness, you lock eyes with him, you can see the darkness that swirls within his eyes.

Taglist: @abby-grace @petsuccube @maximofftrash @tunaasan @whatudowhennooneseesyou @seonghwasslytherin @pearltinyy @bubblegumbird @araknoid @mingtina @oreoqueen @dani-is-tired @8tinytings @sunwoosbaby @acetruepunk @alliecoady98 @s-unflowxr @rxnexxi @mixling-blog @staytinyinmybpack @starryskiesthings @horanghaezone @realviviboss

GIF And Banner By @justaaveragereader

DO NOT REPOST.

[denofbloodandlove]

First Timer

Mandi looked at the store like some giant looming beast that she had to battle, never had she been to a sex shop and for good reason. The moment she even thought about sex her face flamed with heat, she was technically embarrassed.  Not because of the act of sex, but because of what she enjoyed watching.  Being only 21 and still a stupid virgin she had, one night, fell down a rabbit hole of aliens, tentacles, and ovipositors.  They only person in the whole world that knew was her best friend JJ, who was as gay and happy as a bag of sunshine and rainbows but also the biggest slut that Mandi knew.   He was the reason they were here at a place called OtherWorlds, a boutique for the weird and unusual.  But according to the website that JJ found, totally normal for people like her.  People who enjoyed the idea of monsters, suckers and knots filling up their bodies. JJ had wanted Mandi to be herself so, like a great best friend searched the world wide web and found this little nugget.  Forced her in the car and drove the three hours it took to show up.   “For fucks sake Mandi, walk in, it’s a sex shop not a fucking scorpion.  Which, by the by, I think they have dildos that resemble the tail.  Lets go!” JJ pushed Mandi over the curb and straight at the door.  The tiny bell jingled as the door opened and Mandi stood frozen at the sight.  JJ however ran right in and began looking. “Come on Mandi! It’s time you experiment!” He giggled as he held up a huge wiggly horse cock.  Covering her face with her hands, Mandi shuffled her way towards JJ.  “Would you stop that!” She whispered as JJ started to flick his wrist, making the soft cock go round in circles.  “I think I need one of these for me girlie!  Man this would feel great shoved in my ass!.” JJ exclaimed as a worker made their over with a grin on her face.   “First time huh?  We can always tell, either too shy or too excited. How can I help you guys? Looking for anything in particular?”   Mandi began to shake her head, but JJ being who he was cut her off.  “Yes, she needs tentacles.  Ovipositors with the eggs that come with.  A medium to large probably since she is……unused shall I say.”  “Oh gods above JJ, really?! Tell everyone that I’ve never had sex why don’t you, jeez.” Mandi buried her face in her hands as JJ laughed, but the woman just smiled and took hold of Mandi.  “I have the perfect stuff, come on.  Most people come in here like this, first timers, shy because of what they like but its no biggie.”  As Mandi followed the lady she looked on the walls.  Dildos of massive sizes were displayed, some had giant heads with long thin bodies while some were reversed, had a slender head but a massive shaft. Some were so large it looked like it would split her in half.  Gulping down what she knew was excitement she kept walking.  How could she be excited about her feeling like she would be getting cut in two?  Another section housed more horse cocks, small ones, medium, massive ones that looked like when fully inserted it could reach her throat.  Near the horse cocks, were wolves.  These too were in various sizes but they had knots as the bases.  Some had multiple knots throughout the shaft, going from regular at the head, knot, shaft, bigger knot, shaft, and even bigger knot.  Wouldn’t a person get stuck on that?   How would her cunt feel so stretched out that she would literally be stuck on a cock. Mandi felt sweat trickle down her back at the thought.   “You know I can tell what you’re thinking buy the looks on your face, you don’t hide your facial expressions well.  My name is Nimmie, and yes the wolf cocks do feel amazing stuck inside of you.  Too big to slide out but to big to push further in.  Your pussy trapped on an immovable object, trust me, its worth it. Worth the pain. The dragon cocks are much the same without the knots.”  Nimmie pointed towards a display case that housed a pleothra of muticolored dildos.  Some were short and fat while others had what looked like scales in different layers to add a whole new feeling as it pushed against the walls of a pussy or ass. “But these are what you’re after. Yes?” Mandi looked over her shoulder as Nimmie pointed to a blue/black wall.  Her mouth popped open as she saw so many different kinds of tentacle dildos. S-curved that ended in a point, short stubby ones that had a bulbous head, each one had different sized suckers on it, mimicking a real octopus.   “But, I think your friend mentioned ovis, you’re more interested in the eggs and the feeling of them inside you, right?  I’ve used one, fuck it was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.  But that was our old stock we got some brand new ones no one has ever tried.  They look amazing.  Here.” Nimmie reached down and under a self, pulling out what looked like long slender tube with a short flat head on top.  It was a dark mossy green that faded into yellow at the tip.  Reading the package her eyes widened at the size.  Nearly nine inches in length  and at the widest nearly two inches at the base.  But what intrigued her more was the carton that was attached to the underside of the plastic container that held the cock.  “Its eggs! Look! Turn in over, each one is in their own cum, to give you that real effect.  So what you do, theres twelve by the way.  So what you do is you have to place the cock on the floor and through the opening at the tip of the cock, you just insert the eggs, push them all down and have your fun. As you fuck it, see the little button, you push that and the didlo will start to undulate and push the eggs into you, all that cum and eggs filling your cunt up.  When you’re done, pop off and push the eggs out, and repeat as many times as you want.  The cum, its some kind of new material that doesn’t wash away, like an egg sack thing. I dunno, but I can’t wait to try it myself..” Mandi turned the package over looking it over and listening to Nimmie talk about it.  Fuck, but she was wet just imagining it.  She had watched a porn with this woman who had something similar. The eggs had fallen out of her swollen cunt, falling to the ground in pleasurable ‘plops’.  She wondered if they would sound the same falling out of her.  And could she take all twelve at once? Mandi ran her hands over the eggs, thinking about where she could place it and fuck it. That was the moment JJ ran up to her, his arms filled with lube and cocks.  “Get me outta here girlie before I go broke.  You found something?” Nodding her head, she hid the ovi behind her and together they walked to the register.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “I know you got that egg thing girlie, call me after and tell me ALL about it! I for one am going shove these beautiful things up my ass.”  JJ kissed Mandi on each cheek and left her standing at her door with the black bag in her hand.  Excitement rode her.  Mandi could feel her slick cunt, needy and ready to take in her first dildo.  The apex of her thighs felt heavy with need yet hollow.  It was like a low ache, one that was almost painful right behind her entrance.  She could almost feel her own heartbeat in her pussy, each thump of her heart knocking at her tight entrance.  Placing her phone down, she hit record and then began to undress.  Throwing off her clothes, she knelt on the floor and positioned herself so she could watch her body take in the cock.  Once everything was lined up correctly, she opened the plastic package with trembling fingers.  The cock itself was soft and malleable, but at the thick base she could feel beads that would rotate upwards, she figured those were how the eggs would get pushed up and into her pussy.  Next she opened the eggs.  Sighing, Mandi reverently grabbed the first one.  Nimmie was right, it felt as if the egg was encased in the same slime like substance a chicken egg was surrounded by.  The clear like slime wiggled between her fingers as it slipped from her grip into palm after palm, her hands rotating to constantly catch it.  Biting her bottom lip, Mandi held it to her face and it roll against her cheek.  It felt so warm, almost as if the crate it was in kept them a certain temperature. Before she could think better of it, Mandi popped it into her mouth.  The gel like casing rolled on her tongue and nearly down her throat.  But the taste.  It was like an aphrodisiac straight to her pussy.  Juices flowed and coated her thighs as she leaned her head back and moaned, rolling the egg on her tongue and nearly down her throat. Gagging she coughed the egg up and into her hand.  She’d definitely  have to practice more on how to hold that in her mouth, maybe with the cock fucking her throat too.  Mandi fingered the cocks opening and watched as the egg slide down and into the tube where the other 11 quickly followed.   Taking a deep breath, Mandi ran her fingers through her swollen pussy, her clit was so enlarged it hurt, her fingers rubbed hard on her clit, eliciting a long low moan from her throat, then she squatted over the cock.  Her back was against a wall and with wide eyes she watched herself slowly get impaled on the camera of her phone.   Her tight pussy pushed against the head of the cock, opening her pushing against her maiden head.  She watched in fascination as her cunt spread, allowing a foreign object to be inserted, thankfully the cock wasn’t giant at the tip, but she could feel the resistance of her flesh, pushing back, not wanting anything to push past her barrier.  Her thighs burned as she lifted herself up slightly then fell back down a second time. This round pushed hard the cock breaking though and she let out a painful moan as the cock stretched her new flesh, up and down she moves, deeper and deeper her squats came as she fucked herself down nearly to the two inch base. Her pussy ached, burned as it stretched and tears welled in her eyes. It was too big!   But she thought about those wolf cocks and getting stuck, widening her stance Mandi leaned back and placed her hands on the floor and moved her hips.  Her pussy made sucking sounds as the cock moved in and out, deeper until she screamed in pain, fuck she wanted to get stuck, wanted this foreign cock with its eggs to seal her pussy as the eggs pumped into her.     Tears gathered in her eyes as she moved her legs farther out, her knees hit the floor with a sharp thud and she sat, forcing her pussy to sit down all the way on the cock.  Looking into her phone, she could see the skin stretched, her cunt swollen and red, her clit hard and ready for the slightest of touches to send her over the edge.  Taking a deep breath, Mandi lifted one leg and felt her way around the base, finding that button Nimmie talked about.  Pushing it down, the beads that sat at the base of the cock began to vibrate, rotate around and up.  Her cunt tightened its grip and her body jerked as she rotated her hips.  Fuck she could feel the eggs rising with the undulations of the beads.

“Fuck. Fuck, Fuck!” Mandi panted as her hand left the floor and slapped at her swollen clit in tandem.  She felt the first egg explode from the cock and straight into her, she could feel it right against her cervix, followed by another, then another.  Her hand slapped harder at her clit and as she moved she looked down at her flat belly, she watched as her skin moved, pushed out by the eggs filling her.

Her orgasm took root and she flung her head back and screamed.  Pressure like never before built low in her belly as she came.  Her hand never stopped slapping and rubbing her clit until it was too much and she lifted off the cock, her pussy releasing all her cum and juices in one great spasm.  She watched in awe as she squirted, the eggs falling out of her one by one with a wet slimy pop. One after another she watched as she forced her pussy to push the remaining eggs out, each one slowly falling to the floor.  Her pussy pulsed and her body trembled with aftershocks of the best fucking orgasm ever!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m telling you JJ I think I lost one! I have eleven eggs nit twelve! What happens if one is still inside me? What am I going to do? Go to the doctor and say hey doc by the way I fucked an alien dong, had its fake eggs shoved inside of me and now I lost one.  Can you look in my cunt and tell me what you see?”

JJ just laughed, “It probably rolled under something so stop freaking out! But look we need to go back to that store, cause girl I done used all that lube and those dildos! I’m so gaped I could fit my fist in there!” Shaking her head, she finished her conversation with JJ, thinking that he was probably right.  The eggs had come out at first so fast that she lost one.  Had to be.

That night Mandi lay curled on her side, her thoughts on sleep, her mind drifting off into nothingness, she felt a soft, wet squelch come from between her thighs.  Moaning in her sleep, her body thrashed about, wetness soaked her pussy and sheets as her legs spread by some unseen force.  Through her sleep, pain had her eyes flip open and she screamed as e cunt stretched.  Her knees bent and she rose on her elbows as she looked down her body.  One long thick tentacle slide from her cunt.  It was the same hues as the dildo, it slid from her pussy and onto her thigh, the rings of the suction cups molding to her flesh. Scrambling away, her body spasmed as the tentacle stayed stuck inside of her womb, the one long tentacle slithered off her thigh and moved up, the tip pushing through the slit of her wet core. The pointed tip flicked her clit hard enough to shock Mandi into pure pleasure.

“Ohmagod its real.  Oh fuuuck its real.” Her voice went from a high-pitched scared cadence to a low, pleasurable moan.  This is what she had fantasized about the first time she watched that damn porn.  Her fantasy becoming a reality.  The alien inside of her wiggled growing thicker, spreading her sunt much like the dildo did, stretching her to the point of pain, sealing tight.  The tip of the tentacle slide back and forth on her clit, the suction cups moving languidly over her clit, sucking and releasing each time with each suction cup.  The thick base shoved deep in her began to slither in and out, fucking her until she could no longer stand it, her orgasm tore through her body.  Her body bowed off the bed, every muscle seized in pleasure and her cum flowed from her pussy in great rushes around the tentacle. Her breathing labored she lifted her head to watch the tentacle move and slither back into her cunt, her lower belly becoming slightly pooched out where it rested in her womb.  

Would the other eleven eggs be the same? If they stayed in her would they hatch too?  How many could she keep inside of her at once?  She wanted to fond out.  Would it be like that porn?  A tentacle for every hole? Her mouth, ass and pussy all having one at the same time? Her pussy pulsed as her cum leaked from her open slit.  There was only one way to find out.  Jumping out of bed, she found the ovipositor, and began to pop the remaining eggs into the cock.  Her belly wiggled in anticipation as she positioned her phone once more, then sank low on the cock, hoping that the other eleven eggs would too take root inside of her womb.  

[moki-dokie]

rating the birds in my backyard on their tendency towards violence

@luulapants inspired me to make a bird post as well. we should talk about our local dinosaurs more! (not including the same birds from their post we also have here)

great-tailed grackle 7/10 physical violence is not how you guys operate. you wage mental warfare with a barrage of unending noises on the most annoying frequency imaginable to man. also some of you have mastered mimicry in the wild and this is simply too much power for a beast like you to wield. (similar to the common grackle but infinitely more annoying)

american kestrel 3/10 she's beauty, she's grace, she'll smack an eagle in the face. fearless and skilled little predator that delights me every time i get to see one. bit more secretive than other raptors tho.

red-tailed hawk -1/10 a majestic cry that always gets used for eagles in voiceovers, absolutely stunning, and a staple of the midwest and west but... baby ain't got a single braincell. head empty. mobbed on the regular by birds a tenth their size. i've personally watched a single sparrow harass one for 30 minutes before it gave up and ran away. can't steal shit to save its own life. scared of everything ever. they're basically horses of the birds of prey, if horses were a little less psychotic.

mallard duck 1/10 just little dudes doing their own thing. females can get a little aggro when nesting thats about it. sometimes pushy when food is involved. otherwise just chill, beautiful guys. but do me a solid, my web-footed friends? stop fucking nesting in my garden!! i don't like stressing you out when i'm tending to it!!

northern bobwhite (quail) -5000000/10 you're doing great sweetie just keep doing what you're doing. bob-bobwhite amirite

red-winged blackbird 4/10 you lot have a scare tactic technique that sparrows wish they had by just squaring up in numbers and looking fabulous while doing so. no notes.

eastern bluebird 0/10 they've literally never done anything ever wrong. perfection. little fairies but without all the deviousness. absolute cuteness. a blessing to be in ones presence.

scissor-tailed flycatcher 9/10 ahhh yes our stunning state bird. the herald of summer. the graceful acrobatic dancer. the beautiful singer. the brutal serial killer of all things insect. watching them 'hunt' is spectacular. one of the few birds that can hover. they're deadly accurate. almost exclusively capture their prey mid-air. but sometimes they'll get a bug too big to snipe on wing and do you know what they do in that case? they'll take it to their perch and beat it to death. remarkable.

carolina chickadee 4/10 don't let their round sweetness deceive you. they are full of spite and precisely zero fear. will absolutely pick on birds twenty times their size. small man syndrome.

mourning dove 0/10 hwoo hoo hoo hoo?

bald eagle, 2/10 WHAT are you doing this far south sir. we are landlocked my guy. the ocean is that way. big rivers and lakes are the other way. certainly there cannot be enough fish for you here!! surprisingly docile, for a giant raptor.

golden eagle 10/10 he'll eat your dog in front of you and then fuck your wife while maintaining eye contact with you the entire time. everything is afraid of this motherfucker.

great egret 0/10 they're chill and serenity incarnate. and their smaller cattle cousins are exactly the same. their size is the only thing intimidating about them. fuckers are HUGE

american goldfinch 3/10 food aggressive, mostly. lovely to look at. they really like to bitch up a storm tho.

california gull 90000000/10 nature's biggest asshole. we don't even have large bodies of water here. get out.

hummingbirds, all (ruby-throated pictured) 10/10 they choose violence every waking moment. god help you if you've forgotten to refill a nectar feeder. all they know is speed, feed, make things bleed.

barn swallow 9/10 Do Not Go Near The Nest. willing and able to peck you to death.

baltimore oriole 1/10 goofy guys with a great sense of fashion and one of the prettiest songs. they're just here to flirt and have a good time

greater roadrunner 3/10 i love our mini velociraptors so much i dare not speak ill of them. also one of the few birds that fuck outside of the need to reproduce. hell yeah my dudes get it on you freaky little dinos.

northern mockingbird 5/10 i think these guys are on par with how the europeans feel about magpies. they don't really steal shit, but they will, like grackles, commit psychological warfare by being the most annoying little shit possible. and sometimes they're bold enough to chase you. their hatred of cats outweighs their sense of self-preservation, too. they will get into a metaphorical fist fight with a cat. and win, usually.

eastern meadowlark 6/10 i know our prairies are awfully tempting to go frolicking in but unless you crave an unusual death that involves being relentlessly shrieked at with drive-by stabbings, i wouldn't recommend it. these guys are lurking in the tall grass, just waiting to fuck up your day.

black vulture 1/10 slightly smaller than their red-faced cousin, way more common here, and so so chill. they're all bark and no bite, unless you're roadkill. is one in the road blocking you from passing because he's chowing down on a dead opossum? go around, bitch. you are not important enough for him to get out of the way.

wild turkey 11/10 (males) female turkeys are pretty cool. they can be a bit Extra but generally they just want to eat. males, however. males would love nothing more but to beat you to death and then take a shit on your corpse. persistent. unyielding. once you have become a target your only hope is getting in a car and quickly driving away. if they don't beat the shit out of your car first, that is.

desert cardinal 2/10 these guys are great. they're not even supposed to be here. i always mistake them for female cardinals at first. about the same temperament as normal cardinals. they're weird but everyone seems to be okay with them.

great horned owl 8/10 so, so stupid and yet so spiteful. not a great combo. so ironic owls are the posterchild of wise when they're perhaps one of the dumbest birds of prey. its a wonder they haven't stupided their way into extinction. only thing this idiot has going for it is being so photogenic and has the most creepy mood-setting song ever.

[zombii-ships]

SDJ BOYS: KINK HEADCANNONS

sorry if these are ooc i was just brainstorming and bein a horny nerd

Jack

-World’s biggest breeding kink. Dude’s absolutely got a huge thing for claiming his partner, and he loves to watch his cum spill back out of them.

-Praise. PRAISE HIM. PLEASE. Tell him how good he makes you feel and he’s over the fucking moon. He’s so motivated by praise, the simplest “you’re making me feel so good” is gonna flip such a switch in his head.

-Makeup/Body Paint. Whether it’s seeing his partner in clown paint, painting their body and feeling them up, his own makeup smearing on them, or theirs running on their face, he loves it. Jack’s immediately down for round two if he catches a glimpse of his partner’s liner/lipstick on his chest.

-Foodplay. You thought whipped cream was just for the pancakes? Surprise surprise!

Joseph

-Size Difference. Loves feeling big compared to his partner, whether he’s topping or bottoming, he loves the difference. Loves seeing his partner in his clothes, especially his jackets and pajama pants. Put on something of his and its gonna ignite something in him.

-Voice Kink. He LOVES getting to hear his partner, if they make a noise while they stretch? He’s horny. Moan? Horny. Whisper in his ear? Horny. So so easily stirred if he’s the one who gets you to make noise for him, too~

-Hickies. MARK. HIM. UP. PLEASE. Dude absolutely loves getting to show off what his partner did to him, he wears them like badges of honor.

-Bonus, I know he’s an absolute FIEND for giving head and he loves just knowing that he’s pleasuring his partner. Dude’s a total pleasure top.

Shaun

-A nut for roleplay. Pet/Owner, Slasher/Final Survivor, Vampire/Prey, whatever, dude LOVES playing a little horny pretend with his partner.

-Masks. Ghostface, leatherface, pyramid head, gas masks, he loves the mystery there and he finds it really hot. Goes along with his roleplay kink, but either way, he’s super into it.

-Exhibitionism. Give him the go to make porn of yall and he’s gonna go nuts. Something about filming the deed or just you getting off turns him tf ON. Plus if he can go back and show you the footage?? “Look how pretty you looked here. Fuck- lemme rewind so I can hear that sound again~”

-Monster/Abnormal Toys. What’s a horror junkie without some monster dildos??

Nick

-Begging. Beg HIM. Beg him for whatever, doesn’t even have to be sexual, he just loves it. He just wants to hear you pleading with him, asking for his permission.

-Shibari. Let him make your body into art. The more intricate the better. Whether it’s simple ties or a whole full body production, it’s the artistry and the restraint that really gets him, plus seeing you wrapped up for the taking isn’t half bad either. Bonus points if he gets to do pretty harnesses and collars ✨

- Waxplay/Temperature Play. You or him, but mainly you I think. You’re the canvas and he’s the painter, and he’s obsessed with how you let him paint you. Whether it be pretty dark colored wax, gently touching you with ice, or just warm hands against your skin, he loves your reactions, watching you squirm between the different sensations.

-Oral Fixation. Don’t suck on his fingers unless you wanna rile his ass up

Ian

-Cosplay/Costumes. IF YOU LET HIM DRESS YOU UP he’s going to go absolutely feral. Ian’s a fashion fan, so seeing you in something he specifically coordinated to look good on you and to his personal tastes would have him going over the deep end. He’s literally obsessed.

-Blindfolds. Now I know he’s scared of being left alone, but I think he’d enjoy the rush of giving up control to you like that, letting you touch and trail over his body without knowing what’s next would have him super sensitive and needy in seconds. Plus if you let him blindly roam his hands over you?? He’s about to get SO handsy.

-Also a roleplay guy. He’s an actor, let him get into a role! Not only is he excited to make the bit convincing, but he might slip pretty deep into it, local man gets horny from improv.

-Body Writing. Write all your favorite things about him on his body, and let him put his signature on you?? Dude would be over the moon going about his day with your words of praise written on his chest, tummy and hips.

[weirdplutoprince]

What is Brazil like? What are your favorite things about it, least favorite things, and some day to day experiences that people not from there might not know about? Do you have any tidbits of culture you find interesting or are fond of?

Oh that's a big question! First of all it's huge lol. Unsure how accurate this specific map is, but if you google 'Brazil size' you find a dozen of these 'which countries fit in each states of Brazil' maps, so.

This is particularly relevant to everything I answer further ahead, because since it is so big and so culturally complex anything I say is just going to be a tiny speck compared to different regions.

And besides its size, Brazil had a lot going on colonization and immigration wise - meaning you have regions that have very notable communities from certain countries of the world. A famous example is that, if I recall correctly, we have the biggest japanese settlement of sorts outside of Japan. So that's something!

A funny side effect I can think that relates to this is that in historical novelas (live action television series that air daily and are known for melodrama and intensity) there is always a character that can be roughly described as 'The Sexy Irrevent Italian Immigrant' which is funny lol.

As for my favourite things I think the culinary is definetely a big one!!! There are so many dishes and they are so delicious all the time forever.

Brigadeiros are my favourites from all times, they're this candy made of condensed milk and chocolate powder, thats finished off with sprinkles. It's so yummy, you can also make it into cake filling and a million different things.

I also love Acarajé!! I think properly explaining what they're made off is a bit beyond my english vocabulary but just know its a fried dough that has yummy fillings and shrimp.

Otherwise I think I also like how warm and friendly people are. There's also this humour in how things are handled and seem which I think it's nice. Again, this is a perception I get from the region I live in, so I'm not sure. Though this is something people here tend to complain about when they go to other countries, so I guess it is at least some sort of significant cultural difference!

Least favourite things are the ever present fear of impeding violence and the blatant social inequality.

Day to day things hmmm. I have no parameter for how it goes out there, but I've heard enough stories that indicate this might be a thing: showering multiple times a day lol. I'm from a hot place so there is that, but this does seem to be a cultural thing as well. Like, I've heard of landlords from other countries complaining of brazilians that use 'too much hot water' because we shower a lot.

Just caring about cleaness a lot in general. Like, again I'm not sure which of these things are cultural outliners but from what I've heard, even things like. You go out, as soon as you go home you take off the 'going out clothes' and shower. And you avoid sitting on the bed sheets with 'going out clothes' etc.

Another thing is that is is very culturally acceptable to be late! To the point where being on time is at times more awkward. Like, say, if a party is said to start at 7 PM, people generally arrive closer to 8PM. I can remember a few birthdays I'd attended as a child where if you arrived 'on time' you'd basically be the only guest present and there would be this awkward air of 'Why Are You Already Here'.

I've also heard we say things we don't mean more? Like half heartedely making plans to go out with a friend or be there a certain day - but its kinda expected that neither side will follow through unless you constantly check up with each other during the days leading to it. I think this steems from a general need to be pleasant and friendly so people don't want to say they won't go or just outright refuse things without coming up with excuses etc.

And at last for tidbits of culture: CHILDREN BIRTHDAY PARTIES FUCKING RULE!!! HARD!!! Even if you're middle class or such it is not uncommon for parties to have trampolines, magicians, clowns, children entertainers etc. A shit ton of decoration, little gifts for the guests to take home (usually cheap toys or candy), themed birthday invitations, themed parties with decorated pannels, a shit ton of candy etc. There's even this sorta common agreement that even if you're bored because you'll be the only adult there, it is fun to attend children birthday parties because you'll eat like a king.

I think thats it!!! I hope that answers it! Thanks for the question :3

[glittergoblinzz]

Ghost is huge this, Soap is huge that....but have you all ever considered GAZ being the one who's huge?

(CW: Smut 18+, gender neutral!reader)

Like, I mean. When you first start dating Kyle, you don't ever think he'd be so big down there. He's not a huge hulk of a man like Ghost or Soap is, and he isn't big and burly like Price. He's just a normal looking guy. A bit on the scrawny side when compared to he teammates but he's still got muscle on him.

So it's obviously a surprise to see he's so big when you two do it for the first time. His length is pretty average...6, maybe 7 inches. But his girth is where it's at. This man is absolutely THICK.

I'm talking like, he's making your jaw hurt and you haven't even been sucking him off for even five minutes yet....and you're experienced in this area from previous relationships.

And when Gaz has you laying on your back, your legs up and hooked over his shoulders while he slowly eases his way into your weeping hole... you're seeing stars because you haven't been stretched this much in your life. Your past partners have nothing on this man

"Mmm F-Fuck, Kyle....I-Its too big....won't fit...."

"Shhh, it's okay lovie. You're doing so good this far. Just a little bit more....here, hold my hand...."

Gaz takes your hand as he eases the rest of himself into your tight hole and you think you might just split from how big he is. And when he starts moving in you, you're left completely speechless....literally. The only sounds you're able to make as Gaz takes you are pathetic little whines and whimpers, too cock drunk to even think straight and speak at this point

Gaz doesn't go rough like the other members of TF141 unless you specifically ask for it. He likes to take his time, making sure you cum multiple times before he does.

This man is so considerate, he won't even cum inside you unless you let him know its okay. Gaz absolutely knows how to take care of his partners during sex and is the more gentler one out of the team despite being the biggest (in terms of size) out of them all

[whatthebodygraspsnot]

#canon divergence where they get drunk as hell on hot toddies one night and keep calling each other papa bear and baby bear

.....can i have this? pretty please? how can i get this? what can i do?

one (1) beautiful kiss is my fee

it’s a dark and chilly night. spring is just around the corner, but before it comes, winter’s using its icy clutches to snatch them up one more time.

ian is grumbly (“we’re so close to tomatoes mick 😩 i can practically taste em”) but mickey sees it as an opportunity to trap his husband in for the night and get him good n liquored up.

they’ve been on a bit of a hot toddy kick for a lot of winter, claiming that it’s something they can be overly decadent about because what they’re spending on ingredients, they’re saving on their heating bills - their internal temps and shared body heat rendering their furnace unnecessary.

they’ve tried apple cider toddies, ginger, even a coffee recipe that left them both grimacing at each other after a single sip, never to drink again.

tonight it’s a tried and true favorite - bourbon, honey, a lil cinnamon stick that mickey always ends up puffing on like a cigar to make ian laugh. he’s returning with their third round (it’s very cold, okay?) and ian is a heavy-lidded, slightly swaying angel where he’s waiting for him on the couch, the blanket bunched over his lap.

“thank you, honey,” he grins, amused beyond belief with his own joke as he accepts the warm glass with both hands. it’s only interrupted when his sip leaves him sucking in quickly, cooling his mouth with a breath. “oo…that shit is too hot.”

mickey helps himself to the other end of the couch, “yeah alright, goldilocks,” remembering to at least blow on his first because this has to be their hundredth hot toddy of the season, and his husband is sometimes a simple man, bless his fucking heart.

and speaking of.

the sound of glass hitting their coffee table is mickey’s first warning of the approach. what comes next is the shifting of the couch cushions, ian helping himself to every inch of his personal space. “goldilocks, huh?” he murmurs through a drunken grin, lifting mickey’s glass now too and taking it away with great care. “think i’m more of a papa bear, no?”

mickey blinks. can’t help the smile that tugs at his own mouth. “no.”

but he’ll definitely take ian loving up on him, all that warm, spiced bourbon warming his belly. “mhm…”

“and who’s that make me, huh…?”

ian noses close, sharing his smile with him as their lips brush. “mm…baby bear, of course…”

mickey can taste the honey. the cinnamon. the deep, infectious desire to play as it radiates off his husband. “you callin’ me short?”

a beat… “no, baby…”

“think i’m more of a papa bear outta the two of us.”

ian’s big ol head lists back a little, his heavy-blink unconvinced. “no, baby…”

and really, how is that not an invitation to play?

“oh yeah,” mickey insists, using the space to flip the script and start crowding ian instead, pushing him back to the other end of the couch until he’s made himself sooo fucking comfortable in his lap. “you’re baby bear, on account-a how fuckin’ cute you are.”

ian looks up at him, trapped in now by mickey’s thighs squeezing him on both sides. “whole point of goldilocks is sizes, mick,” he slurs. like he’s really doin somethin with it. his big thesis statement. “papa bear’s biggest.” and of course those big ol arms wrap around mickey to prove it. “like me.”

mickey grins down at him from his seat in his lap. can’t deny that ian being so fucking huge is a very real turn on for him. but. “‘big’ don’t gotta mean size, ya know.”

“that right…?”

“uh uh,” mickey explains. and damn, fucking on the couch could be nice right now, huh? “‘big’… ‘papa bear’… s’all about power.”

ian blinks up at him. processes. and then slowly, his brows furrow in amusement. “mick…you want me to call you daddy, just fuckin’ say so.”

it’s got them both collapsing into a mess of drunken, breathy giggles, the wind whipping away outside as ian gains the upper hand and lowers mickey onto his back on the couch, following him down with a steamy “c’mere, baby bear.”

by the time they make it back to their drinks, they are no longer too hot.

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Arthur Morgan Headcannons

I just wanted to write some headcannons, about Arthur, literally anything, I don't care what it is exactly so that's what you're getting.

Some of the headcannons might be a bit more oriented towards a female reader, but not all, I myself am a woman, so, I'll more than likely put some in.

Arthur Morgan is a man who will gladly enjoy any person, regardless of size, but let's be real, I think he has a bit of a soft spot for bigger women. Chunky or thicc, he likes 'em

He thinks that with more there, there's more for him to grab and less of a chance that he'll break something when he's with you, whether it's in a bit more intimate situation, or even when he's just giving you a small hug or kiss.

Arthur is extremely observant. He pays attention to the things you like, and he is literally always on top of doing the things you like or buying you whatever will make you smile. 

If he finds out how much you like his voice? Uses it against you, because he doesn’t want to torture you, but he does want to see you riled up. 

You like how warm he is? He’ll always be watching to see when you get cold, and the moment you do he’s right behind you with his arms around your waist. 

Arthur has a SEVERE gambling addiction. You thought his smoking was bad? He plays poker almost every single night that he’s in camp, and sometimes it’s a blessing and others it’s a curse. He can go rounds at a time, winning each one, but as soon as he has one bad round, they all go bad, but he’s never willing to give up until you make him, and by the end of the ordeal he’s lost more money than made. 

He also has a huge ego problem, obviously he’s mentally ill and he’s depressed with who he is as a person, and he doesn’t think very highly of himself, but the moment you manage to boost his ego, that little swagger walk of his that you so dearly love grows more confident. 

Hell, sometimes even you just saying good morning can change his whole mood, and he’ll even be nice to other people in camp when he usually only tolerates them.

Arthur has this thing, that when he leaves camp for a certain amount of time, anything that’ll be longer than a day really, but usually when its about a week of being away. He’ll come back to camp, make a beeline for you, and whisper only loud enough for you to hear “Can you be quiet for me while I fuck you or do I have to take you outta camp?” 

And thus, you are prepared, obviously.

He’s like a dog in heat, mainly because he hadn’t been with anyone in so long and after a while he’d stopped going after working girls. No one had really made his body react like you did, so it never became a problem until he got with you. 

He draws you all the time, obviously he draws, he’s got a whole sketchbook dedicated to it, but he draws you almost any chance he can. Not because he’s some corny “I love you more than life itself” kind of person, which, he is, but because he thinks that out of everyone in camp you are the most fun to draw, your features are just more entertaining and enjoyable to make out with a pencil.

Arthur loves to eat good food, and while Pearson does a decent job it’s not exactly what he would consider gourmet food, so whenever he gets the chance to try new food, or get good food at least, he’ll splurge the money. The only reason he hasn’t gotten completely fat, though he is a little on the chubbier side, which you absolutely love, and think is hot as hell, is because of all the work he does for the gang.

He calls you all kinds of nicknames and pays attention to the ones that get the biggest reaction out of you. 

He’s found that Princess does a particularly great job at getting a rouse out of you, but he’s also found that if he says it in his normal tone it doesn’t have the same effect, he has to lower his voice for it to work the way he wants it too. 

Darlin’ and Sweetheart have about the same effect, although Darlin’ seems to make you feel a little more for him in serious situations. 

Sugar makes you go beet red in the face, and he’s figured out that one is another one he can lower his voice for. 

Honey is one that he thinks you like, but he also thinks you’re a little neutral on it. Sometimes it works, other times you just don’t seem to care that much. You’ll answer to it, but that’s about all.

Good Girl, or My Girl, regardless of tone, but especially when lowered, always gets you messed up and he knows it, which is exactly why he waits until you’re at the fire surrounded by the gang to whisper it in your ear. 

On the other hand, you have only a few nicknames for him.

Cowboy, it’s tried and true, describes him, basically to a Tee, although Outlaw works better. 

Honey, again, a neutral one. 

You are the only person, and I mean, only person he allows to call him Pretty Boy, if anyone else tries it they’re liable to find a knife beneath their neck.

Big Boy will send him skyrocketing, his face will flare so hard his ears will turn red and he’ll start stuttering over his words like a newborn calf stumbling on its legs. 

Good Boy will really get him motivated and usually if you say it to him in public, he has to excuse himself until he gets rid of his problem. 

You hate to admit it, because you know it’s bad for him, but you think that when he smokes cigarettes, he’s at one of his hottest points. When he finds this out, he makes it his goal to smoke more around you.

Occasionally he’ll wait until you wake up and walk out of his tent shirtless and lean against the wooden poles to smoke, and he’ll send a smirk your way, that he knows you like. 

When you start to share his tent together, he does the same thing, however, rather than getting up he just simply leans over you and grabs the smokes, he’ll light a match against the wagon and puff away with his hands behind his head. 

His absolute favorite thing to do is smack you on the ass and run away, he thinks it’s the absolute funniest thing ever to watch you chase him, he’s got longer legs, so it’s easier to stay away from you. 

He also loves it when you wear his hat, however, if you do, he’s going to use it as an excuse to take you to the tent. 

If you get him drunk, first off, I’m sorry, second off, you better have a leash. He’s a lot happier drunk, he likes to sing and talk, and he compliments everyone, but he also likes to stumble around and go adventure, and if you don’t keep a good eye on him he’s liable to mount up on his horse, albeit slowly, and then make his way into the nearest town to cause mayhem.

Do not let him drink with John, because rather than being a fun loving drunk he will start trying to fight John and then the night is ruined for everyone. 

He also gets more handsy when he drinks, he was already handsy before, but now, when he’s drunk and he couldn’t care less about what people thought about him, he was going to touch wherever he wanted on you. 

Your stomach? He’s got his arms around it.

Your ass? Being grabbed any time he’s walking, or stumbling rather, with you. 

Tits? Regardless of gender? They have been honked at least twice. 

He will kiss you, if it’s on the lips or on the neck, that is anyone’s gamble. 

He’ll even talk dirty to you, and not quietly like he would if he was sober, he’ll do it for everyone in camp to hear, and the only way to shut him up is to either kiss him or somehow drag all two hundred and forty pounds of him into his tent. 

All in all Arthur Morgan is Arthur Morgan and if you make the decision to be his you better be ready to deal with it.

[kwnnys]

UNWANTED GUEST !

pairings ; cyno x g!n reader

tags ; mentions of bugs/insects, established relationship, pushing the cyno-hates-bugs agenda, ooc cyno?

an exhausted sigh escapes your lips as you hop out your car, closing and locking the vehicle while you wobble towards the entrance of your home.

finally. after a hellish day of work and dealing with angry customers — you were finally home. you wanted nothing more to do than to just flop onto your bed, into your boyfriends arms, and doze off.

you scramble through your pockets for your keys, the loud jingling loud making you mentally groan. inserting the item into the keyhole, you unlock the door and step inside your resident.

you take your shoes off and set it on the shoe rack. it's awfully quiet.. your eyes glance around the area, a tinge of confusement plastered on your face.

"I'm home." you call out, no response. is he not home? "cyno?"

you set your keys and belongings away, walking into the kitchen. no sign of the general mahamatra anywhere. odd, he usually greets you at the door the moment your car pulls up.

you're too tired to dwell on it. opening the fridge, you frown as the contents are empty. another thing to add to my to do list, you sigh.

a sudden movement catches your attention from the corner of your eye, and you turn your head. oh? was cyno home after all? then why didn't he answer your call earlier—

now a sound catches your attention. the sound of something being thrown. what the? its coming from your shared bedroom, and your face scrunches up.

a twinge of nervousness fills your head. was there an intruder? your head snaps around for something you could use as a weapon— the umbrella hanging on the rack catches your eye.

better than nothing... you quietly grab the item, and tiptoe towards your bedroom. the door is peaking open slightly, and the room is a little dimmed. you gulp and feel your heart racing— god, please don't be a thief.

peaking your head into the room, your eyes widen at the sight— before confusion hits you.

there, awkwardly sitting on your desk and back pressed against the wall— was no other than your one and only boyfriend.

his eyes were glued to the floor, and it didn't seem like he noticed your arrival. or your confused presence from the doorway.

"cyno?" you finally call out, and the males eyes immediately snap towards the sound. his eyes widen, and he blinks at you.

"what the.. hell are you doing?" you ask, in pure confusion. fully pushing the door open as you take a step inside.

but not before cyno exclaims, "don't." you stop in your tracks, even more lost now.

"what- babe, what the fuck is happening? why are you on my desk?" you ask, your tone coming out unintentionally irritated. it's been a long day, and you were confused as to the situation currently playing out-

"there was something on the floor." he murmured quietly.

"what do you mean something?"

".. there was a bug." cyno spoke out, the most deadpan look on his face. an awkward silence fills the room, the two of you staring at each other.

"a bug?" you repeat, almost in disbelief.

"yes. a bug. it was huge, the size of a coin."

you have to stop yourself from letting out the biggest sigh known to sumeru, pinching the bridge of your nose in exhaustion.

".. and you decided to climb up on my desk, to get away from a bug of all things?" the male shrugs, before responding back.

"what else was I supposed to do?"

"I dunno, kill it? squash it with a shoe or something?" you answered, still holding that disbelief in your tone.

"you're crazy. no way am I going near that thing." his tone is so serious, that you would've laughed at the situation if you weren't so damn tired.

"what are you still doing there? get over here." he quipped. "its going to get you. quick."

"It's just a bug, cy." you retorted. you glance around the room, looking for any signs of the insect.

"where is it?"

cyno points at the corner of the room, and you turn your head. squinting your eyes, you take a few steps towards the area.

"what- where are you going? get back, it's not safe." he exclaims. you ignore his words, and continue walking over to the spot he pointed at.

"[name]-"

"cyno. are you serious?"

in the corner of the room, there rested a peaceful butterfly. minding it's own business on the shelf.

"It's just a butterfly!" you commented, snapping your head towards him with narrowed eyes.

"just a butterfly?" cyno scoffs, and you roll your eyes. "It's terrifying. you know some butterflies are carnivores? It could've eaten me."

"cyno, its a butterfly." you replied in a blank tone, "how the hell would it eat you?!"

the general shrugs again. you groan, turning back to the insect. you stare at it for a few seconds, slowly reaching your hand towards it.

the butterfly doesn't hesitate and flutters to your finger. cyno shrieks at the sight of the action, but you pay no mind to him.

it's green wings flap, crawling up your finger. the sight is a bit adorable, and you smile for the first time that afternoon.

you spin around to face him again, walking towards cynos spot. his eyes widen, and he declares—

"[name]. stop it."

"what? It's harmless, cy. see?"

"no. I won't fall for such a scheme— ah!"

he lets out a yelp as you now stand in front of him, arm extended as he presses his back against the wall harshly.

"[name]! stop it!" he shrieks for the second time, watching the insect twitch in your hold.

"get it away— [name]." you hold back a chuckle at his hilariously serious tone, who knew the general mahamatra was so terrified of a butterfly of all things?

"[name]. I'm serious. get it away or I'll-"

"okay, okay, calm down." you snicker quietly, retracting your hand and taking a step back. the butterfly's wings flap again, and you hum.

"I think its cute. maybe we should-"

"absoloutely not."

"boo." you snort. cyno is not amused, staring daggers at both you and the creature.

"get it out." he demands, "its hideous. I can't stare any longer."

"hey, it might hear you." you tease, and cyno lets out a puff of annoyance. you answer his wishes, though, walking over to the half open window. which is most likely how it got in the first place.

you stick your hand out, letting the insect fly away. you send it a small wave, before closing the window and turning back towards your relieved boyfriend.

"I didn't know you were afraid of butterflies." you grin.

"don't." he simply replies with his arms crossed, and you laugh.

— please do not edit, translate, reupload, or copy my works!

[angstflavoured]

You have any fic recommendations? Any fandom really lol. You have good takes and interpretation so I feel like you’d have some fire recs

AWH WELL THANK YOU !! I dont actually know how great the ones I read are gonna be since usually the fandoms Im in are scarce on content 💀 but ill go ahead and list a bunch of the ones I really like. I definitely spend way too much of my time reading one shots. REALLY wanna get back into longer fics, but its hard to find ones I care enough to sit down and dedicate time to these days 💔

Smiling Friends

bittersuite, charlie/pim: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED !!!!! THIS FIC CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER !!!!! It is hurt/no comfort, but its soooo good it hurts so good and also there is supposed to be more eventually so i'd get on this one first bc when the second one drops its gonna be a day in history

Dimples, charlie/pim: I just read this last night and was so pleasantly surprised ☹️ Its so damn cute and I love how it delves more into both of their characters.

Portal 2

interface, chell/wheatley: HANDS down, best portal 2 one shot out there. the way the characterize chell is fucking insane, altered my brain chemistry forever. also wheatley is so hehehheheheh

You Do It, adventure/fact: I have a very love/hate relationship with this author..... Im not the BIGGEST fan of how they characterize them, esp Fact, but its definitely the most decent factventure content out there. I so like this one quite a bit, though their ideas are definitely better in theory than completely in practice. That's how I feel abt a lot of their works, but this person unironically holds the title for like 90% of the factventure content. If you just want some quick cute smut of them, i'd say you should check out their acc, cus I get the factventure fandom is starving LMAOO

I've got the fuse if you've got the light, adventure core/reader: ....erm, very self indulgent for me hehe!!! i was so fucking excited when this dropped

Half-Life/HLVRAI

Autonomous Sweet Mesa Response, benrey/gordon: THIS FIC IS SOOO FUCKING FIREEEEE !!! OH MY GOD, I can't even count the times I've read this one. their dialogue is as good as it comes next to canon. If you like this one, this is the first in a huge series and litearlly all of them are just as good as the first. such a good sit down and binge author. They also have a shit ton of other good hlvrai stuff on their page and they make fire art

If You Asked Me To, benrey/gordon: the way they wrote the sex scene in this changed my brain forever, it was so fucking awesome.... frenrey dynamic makes me WILD

Whispers and Moans, barney/gordon: this whole author has a lot of super cute freehoun :'[ this one deals with them before the resonance cascade AND after and shows how things changed between them and its so precious grrraah

Promise, barney/gordon: again, deals with the timeskip stuff which just always makes my heart hurt... also shower sex smiles

It’s Only Natural, barney/gordon: I DIDNT REALIZE THIS FIC JUST GOT FINISHED THIS YEAR OH MY GODDDD I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS need to reread this immediately

Team Fortress 2

He's a Rebel, sniper/spy: SUPER fucking cheesy and corny but oh my god its like one of my fav fics ever..... it's just so much fun, like stereotypical fanfic and that's always a good time to me. biker gang member/school teacher au are you fucking kidding me i'll vomit

It IS the Size That Matters, sniper/spy: erm.... BLOWJOBS!! always find myself coming back to this one sorry i really like it hehe

Secure, demo/solider: Not a lot of fics of these guys, which really sucks!! super underrated ship. I liked this one a lot tho, its pretty cute and a little emotional

Something to Rely On, sniper/spy: casual sex but really sniper is in love will forever be my favourite thing ever, it never gets old istg

The Silent Game, sniper/spy: can you tell I really like sniperspy, MORE BLOWJOBS!!!

Disco Elysium

The Collision in Cardiozone HQ, harry/kim: holy. fucking. shit. actually life changing i am not joking. so fucking heartbreaking, it left me hollowed out for like a WEEK after the ending. A longer one for sure, but SO worth it like oh my god

The Catacomb Killer, harry/kim: I don't think I ever fully finished this one, but I remember REALLY liking the whole case the fic was set around. there was so much thought put into it, it was genuinely interesting like a murder mystery show

Retour à nouveau, harry/kim: I did really like the whole plot and buildup in this one, but from what I remember, them getting together was super anticlimatic :P i recall being disappointed, but the whole actual case and their interactions during the fic are super cute

Mortal Kombat 1

the game of idiocy, johnny/kenshi: BY THE SAME AUTHOR AS BITTERSUITE!! this one is sooo fucking cute, the way they write them interacting is so much fun. a little troupey and on the cheesier side, but cmon who doesn't love that

Undertale

Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach: no ships but delves a lot into flowey and papyrus relationship and there's so much good sans development too. SUPER GENERIC, it IS one of the most liked fics, but I remember reading it back when I was a teenager and it blew my fucking mind. ghhghggh i love the way they write the brothers interacting so much

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes, sans/reader: uhmm.... soo sorry, this fic will forever hold a special little place in my heart. I'm sure if I read it now it would be SO corny cus oh my god it was fucking 2016 like are you kidding, but I'm just a fucking sucker for fake dating. there like 5000000 troupes in this one and theyre all so cute and its just a fun and silly time. it subconsciously inspires so much of my writing in fics. will probably forever be unfinished before they get together though HAHAH so definitely do not read if you're looking for a solid ending. its just about the journey i swear

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Suzuki Cappuccino :) or other baby roadsters

Oh, I had a post in the chamber about exactly that! :D

So, Japan is pretty densely populated. Let's put it this way: one reason the Tokyo metro area couldn't do a huge and extremely weird cultural exchange where every citizen trades place with someone from Australia, Belgium or Slovenia, is there aren't enough Australians, Belgians and Slovenians combined to do that. So you can imagine it would be pretty advantageous to public life for people to drive small cars - hence the popularity of kei cars, a car class with huge tax benefits and tiny engine and dimensions limits. Those limits, positively minuscule when they were introduced to push bike makers to use their parts to make small cars, eventually increased to a 0.66L engine size and the dimensions below...

...and in the late 80s there was a "gentleman's agreement" whereby no one would make a kei car more powerful than 64hp, similar to the other gentleman's agreement whereby they agreed not to make cars with more than 276hp - which they cleverly addressed by equipping more powerful cars, like the Skyline GT-Rs, with unusual little devices called lies.

But now it's the 1990s -contrary to popular misconceptions- and Japanese businesses and customers have a problem: what the fuck do we do with all this money?

To truly convey the desperation with which cash was being thrown around like primate feces, Mazda created FIVE sub-brands (Amati, Autozam, ɛ̃fini, Xedos, and Eunos, brand under which they sold the Miata as Eunos Roadster) AND gave the SIXTH sub-brand M2 separate headquarters - these headquarters. In Tokyo.

M2 only ever made parts and some fringe prototypes, the most it produced were three Eunos Roadster-based limited versions - they cost twice as much as the original (and for good reason - one of them used leather deemed too expensive by the only other automaker to ever use it, Rolls Royce), but because economic bubble, they were so sought after they had to set up a lottery, Andrea was telling us, and as he got to the uber-limited production numbers (a combined 780), he explained that, since of course they were only sold in Japan, there were only five in the whole of Europe. He then raised his finger and, in one of the greatest flexes I have ever witnessed, pointed it around his huge, Miata-packed shed, counting "one, two, three, four, five".

S'yah, it turns out the world's biggest Miata collection is just owned by Some Guy in the middle of Italy, and if your kid ever gets dumped it is a wonderful place to take him to cheer him back up. Thanks, dad.

So clearly, this was a point in time where even people with no need nor wish nor space for a large second car, or a large car at all, could still be interested in a sportscar, thus spawning some briefly-lived but oh-so-brightly-burning kei sportscars, nicknamed ABC.

One of them being, indeed, the Suzuki Cappuccino.

Please remember, this car is positively lilliputian. It's 3.30m long. For the yankees in the audience, that's just 0.03 football fields. Here are some fun size comparisons.

The engine was front-mid and turbocharged...

...the roof was a fun puzzle that allowed you to have a T-Top coupe (with just the sides off), a targa (with the top part of the roof removed but the rear pillar of the roof still in place) or a spider (by folding the rear pillar and window down)...

...and it was NOT exclusive to Japan, with 12% of units being sold in the UK!

But since this was clearly asked by someone quite familiar with its generalities, some less-known quirks for the geeks:

It was the first kei car ever with double wishbones all around

The indicators changed between JDM and UK versions so if you've got the latter finding spares is 10 times harder

The hood release is in the glovebox and the fuel release is in the center console storage - the latter locks with a different key than the ignition uses, so if you hand just the latter to the valet you can keep them from siphoning your gas, but I'm yet to hear whether that also goes for the glovebox, so stay tuned for updates on whether you can also keep them from siphoning your washer fluid

Air gets to the engine (well, to the turbo) through the frame. Like, it gets into the frame, it travels inside the frame, and then gets out and is filtered. Now, you may ask yourself why they would do that.

While most cars had front disc brakes at the time, the less effective but cheaper drum brakes were usually used on the rear, which was fine since when a car brakes weight transfers to the front so the front wheels are the ones that get more grip and can thus brake harder anyway - so not only do you not need the rear wheels to have the same stopping power, you don't even want them to, because then the rear wheels would lock up before the front ones even got to their full braking potential. So when the Cappuccino got four wheel disc brakes, like every other car with four wheel disc brakes, it didn't put four discs of the same size all around. Unlike every other car with four wheel disc brakes, however, they put the bigger ones at the rear. A friend who owns one called the brakes "not amazing".

Then again, let's cut them some slack, it was the second kei car ever with four wheel disc brakes! Second, yes, because the Cappuccino was not the first kei-sized sportscar.

So, remember how with Ferrari, the last car to be signed off by its founder was a mid-engined, rear-wheel-drive, manual, record-setting, no frills two-seater sportscar? Well, the Japanese being famous overachievers, that goes for Soichiro Honda's last two.

Supposedly, Honda decided that its F1 engines hadn't kicked Ferrari's ass enough, so they set out to build a car as approachable, reliable and daily-life-friendly as a Honda yet faster through both straights and corners than a Ferrari. Or a Lamborghini. Or a Porsche- you get the idea. Thus, the NSX, seen here next to it is its test driver, tuning consultant and enthusiastic owner Ayrton Senna, best known for driving the car on the left into three championship wins, a bunch of "Greatest Of All Time" debates, and a wall that killed him.

But if your second-to-last car is a two seat, mid-engined, rear wheel drive sportscar with Pininfarina design, a 40mm short-throw manual, and a redline past 8000RPM, what do you do for your last one? Easy! Another!

This little bowl of pint-sized cuteness is the Honda Beat, and yes, that interior is not just factory, but was the only pattern available. Still, if you think the interior is the most outlandish part of this car, you haven't heard it.

Again, this engine was outsized by two Coke cans and the car it's in is no bigger than the Cappuccino, and you already know how... ah, screw it, let's show you a size comparison anyway.

Some geek facts:

It was the first mid-engine monocoque (as in not body-on-frame, not un-shark-like, you pervs) spider ever made! There were some targas before, but never a full-on spider

The stereo was custom to fit in the super-narrow center console between the two asymmetrical cabin spaces so the cassette slot has the same cute little Beat logo as the "Open Air Motoring!" branded floormats!

Gathers celebrated its 20th anniversary with a new touchscreen radio for it that is now uber-rare and uber-expensive

It had two trunks, which is lovely, except that the rear one had the battery and optional CD changer conspiring against you and the front was literally inside the spare tire, so it's good that you could also get a rear rack!

The rear rims are bigger than the front!

With how much cooler this is than the Cappuccino (sorry, friend who owns one) it's quite the shame Suzuki decided not to go forward with the mid-engine layout their kei sportscar development started with. At least, Mazda sure thought as much, asking Suzuki to please keep working on that idea and make a mid-engined kei sportscar for them to sell under their brand for the youth, Autozam. And thus we have the ABC - C for Cappuccino, B for Beat...

...and A for AZ-1. Think of how cool life was in Japan back in the day that this was a car for the youth.

Fun facts:

IT HAS GULLWING FUCKING DOORS

The spare tire was mounted in the front compartment but crashing made it jam the steering wheel in your chest so they sent owners a little bag and asked them to please put that tire behind the seats

GULLWING FUCKING DOORS

Suzuki sold a few of them themselves as the Cara

G U L L W I N G D O O R S

Sadly, it joined the party (JapaneseEconomicBoomfest, that is) just when it was ending. Hell, the Beat was sold for six years ('91 through '96) and two thirds of Beats sold are 1991s. That's how hard recession hit Japan right when the AZ-1 came out, which indeed sold a fraction of the other two.

But fear not: after decades, Honda blew the dust off the kei sportscar idea in 2015 with the gloriously sexy S660.

It did cease production last year, but at least it left the Japanese used market a kei sportscar with the modern amenities we (and by we I mean you spoiled pussies) cannot do without, like steering wheel controls and *squints* HDMI.

Oh by the way, remember how I said I was going to post about the Cappuccino? Well, it was because someone posted a picture of one with aftermarket taillights.

Guess what car was next to it when this picture was taken. Guess.

WRONG.

"What? Where was this?" At a Fiat 500 meeting, of course. And then people wonder why I love Japan so much.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

[kirisaki-daichi-scenarios]

kiridai + haizaki if they were dog owners attending a puppy class

Hanamiya Makoto

Bought a breed that needs good socialisation (I’m thinking a serious police lines Dutch Shepherd cause he’d want something with brains and drive but also something not “normie” as a Malinois) so puppy class it is to get the dog amiable around others.

The dog acts like it’s perfectly trained half the time: just a couple months old and already has perfect focus, and obviously Hanamiya goes above and beyond with training in his spare time, so the dog responds to cues perfectly, and Hanamiya has perfect timing with marking and rewarding behaviours because he’s just that sort of person

The other half of the time, the dog is kicking off because another puppy looked at them. 

And the trainer’s telling Hanamiya just to relax, shorten up his leash a bit, take a deep breath, but they can see his eyes just glazing over with fury every time the barking starts up again.

It hurts having to alternate between “Hanamiya, can you and [dog] demonstrate this behaviour because [dog] does it perfectly” and “right, someone will go get a barrier to calm [dog] down a bit” but Hanamiya’s going to have to get used to it, because that’s what you buy with an police lines import. 

The dog is always going to be a bit nuts, just like his owner ;) 

(Don’t choose a serious dog breed for clout as a first time owner, how about that Makoto?)

Seto Kentaro 

For Seto, I’m thinking he buys a small lapdog type terrier, maybe an English toy terrier, or maybe an English bulldog (although obviously I don’t recommend buying a breed with as many health issues as the English bulldog, and I’m pretty sure Seto would at least do the research on that sort of thing) 

Anyway, Seto’s the biggest guy with the smallest dog

Like when the puppy takes its mid-class snooze, he curls up on Seto’s shoe and he’s half the size of his owner’s foot. 

The main issue that they need to work on is separation anxiety; because Seto never really goes anywhere, the poor dog’s expects his owner to be with him all the time. So if Seto needs to go to the toilet and hands someone the leash, the poor puppy is just stood there whining sadly Seto’s back. He’s just too used to having his 6ft4 guardian with him at all times. 

Anyhow, Seto’s a weird one to teach because he’s not the world’s best dog trainer - he tends to be quite casual about everything, and he’s not hugely strict so in turn the dog’s quite 50/50 about actually following commands. (Think Seto saying “down”, puppy just staring at him while wagging his tail like mad and not making any move to lie down, until Seto’s like, “fuck it, you’re too cute for your own good” and gives him the treat anyway)

But the thing is, despite this half-hearted attitude to training, Seto knows the theory like it’s no one’s business. The trainer will offer him some advice and  Seto’s like “oh, so just using the Premack Principle?” or “so just conditioning more cut-off signals while they’re still sub-threshold?” 

Like, yes but how do you know those words? Spend less time reading and more time working your dog please

(And please join me in imagining the trainer telling Seto to call his dog away with kissy sounds or a high-pitched voice, rather than pulling on the leash, and the sheer awkwardness on Seto’s face as he attempts his best baby voice.)

Yamazaki Hiroshi

Thought he wanted a proper working lines dog (some sort of spaniel breed probably) because he read on the internet that they’re healthier and “perfect for [his] active lifestyle” but he didn’t realise how much work a working line dog needs and now he’s come to the puppy class in desperate need of help. 

Dark circles under his eyes and his hands are permanently covered in cuts and scars from those sharp little puppy teeth

But despite the wounds, he adores his little dog and his little dog adores him 

(Shame they express it by trying to chomp on his poor skin) 

Yamazaki’s the guy who’s always absent-mindedly petting his dog even when the trainer tells him not to while working on a certain behaviour

Yamazaki’s also that guy who’s always taking notes after class, always asking questions (comes back every week like “about the biting...”), and he always does his homework, so his dog shows the most improvement by the end of the course

He gets the little graduation certificate and he’s trying to bite back the happy/proud tears (meanwhile the dog’s trying its damnedest to get a hold of the certificate and rip it to shreds)

Furuhashi Kojiro

He’s just a good conscientious owner who did all the research before he bought his puppy, and has been training them from the beginning and figured a puppy class was the right thing to do just in case

(N.B. I have absolutely no idea what kind of dog Furu would want cause, in my mind, he’s normally a cat person. But I’m assuming that a rare and quiet breed that’s not the most clingy would be right up Furu’s alley, so Kishu Ken it is.)  

Honestly Furu rocks up to the puppy class and both his and the puppy’s minds are a bit blown: Furuhashi’s because he didn’t realise how little everyone else had trained their puppies, and the puppy’s because it’s gone from being used to life with its quiet owner in a quiet house going on quiet walks to a classroom surrounded by lots of other very excited dogs

But the puppy soon settles, as does Furuhashi, and for the most part, their time at the puppy classes goes quite smoothly 

(As it often does if people just do their homework between classes)

The only time they have any issues is in any exercise where Furuhashi has to be a bit more animate

Like an exercise where you make your voice and body language all excited to get the dog riled up so they can learn to calm down as soon as you calm down: Furuhashi’s idea of “getting excited” is one small awkward and a monotone “good puppy”

Meanwhile the puppy’s staring at him like “he’s a bit boring, but he’s my bit boring”

(And on a separate note, Furuhashi definitely ends up bringing his sister to some of classes. She’s still staying with their parents, who won’t let her get a dog, so she’s living vicariously through Furu’s dog ownership. And, Furu being the good big brother that he is, only encourages her interests. So if she wants to be around puppies more, he takes her to the classes. And if she’s getting bored, he hands her his puppy’s leash so that she can do the exercises and get the trainer’s guidance instead of him.)

Hara Kazuya

The dog is Hara’s partner’s/friend’s, but Hara comes along for moral support and to play with the other puppies before the class starts

Actually, you know what, we’ll say this is an older characters AU where Yamazaki and Hara are roommates and he’s come with Zaki and his lunatic spaniel

Hara takes the “class” in “puppy class” seriously, and by that I mean he acts like a class clown as if he’s still in school - he views a successful class as a class where he makes the trainer laugh at least once, and flirts with one of the assistants at least once

Zaki’s probably wondering why he asked Hara to come because now, every time a puppy starts barking, Hara’s whispering in their ear “Hanamiya when someone tells him to be nice”; or a puppy pees all over the floor and then it’s “you after a night out”

Having said that, Hara’s also a great training tool cause puppies love him and he always gets them very over-excited 

So, when the homework was working on your puppies not jumping up on people, the trainer gets Hara to be the guinea pig, cause he’s the ultimate test

Haizaki Shougo 

Probably only attending the classes because he was court ordered to be there or something after his dog’s already showing dangerous behaviour - Haizaki’s the kind of owner who could screw up a puppy, but he’s also the kind who buys a puppy who’s probably genetically screwed up

He falls for those horrid guard breed puppy ads online (you know the ones - with the pictures of barking dogs Photoshopped into flames or whatever and with the caption like “UNREAL DRIVE!! CRAZY STRUCTURE!! SUPER PROTECTIVE!! buy your bundle of joy from us today, perfect for a first time owner <3)

(In case you don’t know what I mean, think something like this)

Anyway so Haizaki gets a Presa Canario, maybe a bully, or maybe a Tosa Inu cause he’s in Japan and, if anyone in KNB is interested in dog fighting, it’s Haizaki because he’s just not a great person

Haizaki rocks up to classes very reluctantly and could not care less about them

He keeps letting the leash get too long so his puppy keeps getting in the other dog’s faces and upsetting them; he’s on his phone half the time; and he just doesn’t take on board any advice

For example the trainer talks to him about loose leash walking and Haizaki just zones out - cause in his mind, there’s no point putting the effort in to train them when he’s a big guy who can easily hold back even a 40kg dog

So the trainer thinks Haizaki’s pretty much a lost cause, poor dog, etc

But then, one fateful day, when the dog’s barking their head off for the thousandth time, the trainer gives Haizaki a tip and it works! 

And something clicks in Haizaki’s brain and he realises he doesn’t have to put up with his dog being a ‘nuisance’ - he can just put some effort in and train them and make life happier for the both of them

After that things are much smoother sailing and Haizaki actually starts engaging with the class and asking the trainer for advice on the (many) other issues the dog has

It takes a while for Haizaki and the puppy to graduate out of the class, just because of all the damage that needs undoing, but the fact that Haizaki sticks around, even after his court-ordered time is up, is already good news 

The dog will never be 100% in certain environments but at least they walk nicely for the most part and knows some commands

And it’s safe to say that, when Haizaki spots the dog trainer a few months later, they’re the first teacher that Haizaki’s ever stopped to say hello to