#i just want a good character writting for our big bad

[lucianlhsystem]

I'm playing totk and you have no idea how much I feel this, I had hope but the moment I saw the memory with Ganon on the castel I already knew what would happen. I haven't finish and Idk if I wanna finish it knowing what will be the end of the game

everyone always asks wheres ganondorf, and how to defeat ganondorf, but no one ever asks hows ganondorf :(

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 3)

So! like i said my mental health got a bit better, my libido is back motherfuckers, theorically all should be way better! Welllll my libido did came back... but a biiiiiit too strong. As in insanely too strong, and it came back with a looooot of frustration build up, and a overflowed ego that I feel like I have to flex or else i'll re-despair over self confidence and go back to being dark cowede (and big shotout once again to the "close to cowede gang" @plaindanganplain and stoopid name cos during those 2 months i was half depressed half flirty over everything, and complained cooooonstantly. and now ? i'm half flirty half a total bitch, which is probably just as hard to deal with but the thing is im the fucking best so i dont care~) and with that frustration, came frustration conscerning this whole shebang of 1 person vs multiple (harem) once again, @makoto-naegi-stud-and-friends @plaindangan and even the good @carnyreborn if they have good memory know its a thing i always tried, because while im absolutely NOT into the whole alpha thing, i have a strong kink for feeling loved, and... look X aint the only person I had to do multiple person for even though i fucking HATE IT (heck even in my first RPS (without the erotic) back in da good ol days, i found myself planning those monster hunter type / scooby doo esque quests about solving a mystery then tracking what will be a good fun creative stuff to fight (it wasnt dnd, we didnt even really had rules, just a setup universe all our character evolved in, it was on skype and factually ive never been happier) and I had to develop all those side characters and keep track of everything only for a KEY ELEMENT given to 2 other players not being disponible because while the quest was going on those 2 decided to NOT play their part and literaly go in a private room to erp instead ? and for those who say "yeah but thats what a gm does" know i wasnt a gm. I helped create the plot and all but there was no real gm just a bunch of people co writting a cool fun story half stolen on kingdom hearts character because i'm a fucking fanboy. ) and this kinda stuff happened on repeat for other a year. and when i got into erp ? a gooood chunk of them was for absolute assholes who asked the world and gave minimum effort. So anyway i kinda became allergic to doing multiple chars, i hate it, when im super horny im down for anything, but even this i have NO FUN doing at all. BUT since i did sooooo many I developed a desire to be "the center" of those harems. and i already asked all of the affordmention goats to try one erp harem style with a character of my choice (no surprise if it was very often shuichi, kokichi sometime) annnnd well none of them really worked. for carny it was a time and disponibility issue. for plain, well it did kinda work but i ended up overcomplicating things and then I felt bad for it so i sabotaged it, and with the last one well, i jumped to an episodic 1 V 1 formula, cos since the plain accident i feel easily bad for overworking people. back on our subject : X. so what happens is, im back in the game, after 2 month of not responding to our last rp i respond, i try to make my answer fit all their kink especially cos, its at that point a 1 on 1. aaaand they say afterward that they dont want to continue it. OK im in the cowede isnt depressed anymore mood, so its annoying and frustrating cause i know that in Z point in time youll guilt trip me into making another new thing that will be even mooooore focus on X's because they dont want to continue our older stuff but dont want to create a new one but dont want to not have a harem. So i decide "ill just be like "ok" and will come back later. (part final comming soon)

[arthurmorganwateringhole]

I'm genuinely curious but why do you care if people headcanon that Arthur is himbo? I'm not trying to start a fight, sincerely. I'm coming from the perspective that we should let people have their headcanons, y'know?

Yeah, I get that! I guess, to answer this question, I have to talk about my philosophy (if you can call it that) when it comes to media consumption and my critical takes on fandom culture writ large. So if you have time, buckle up!

I should point out that I both don't care and care very much about people's hc's when it comes to my favorite characters. I don't care, in that I'm not going to get upset or get my panties in a wad if you headcanon something that is easily proven to be inaccurate wrt the canon. Like, if you want to headcanon Arthur is bad at reading, go for it. Lol, I'm not going to be upset or go out of my way to stop you.

However, I care enough to point out when this is inaccurate, especially when it enters into my sphere of fandom interactions. Now, this is where I get into trouble? A lot of people feel when I point out something is wrong or inaccurate, that I'm invalidating them or censoring them? Lol, like it's okay to be wrong/inaccurate. It's not the end of the world! If you choose to adjust your headcanons so that it's more canon compliant/accurate, then good for you. If you choose not to, also good for you! I promise, Lia isn't going to come after you :)

That said, in general, people need to be more open-minded if they're 'corrected.' Like I said, it's not the end of the world. Take the note and move on with your life.

Now, let's get to the larger, heftier part of this question. This need fandom has to transform their favorite man into a himbo (when he isn't) is a projection issue to me? Like, the unspoken assumption here is that it's safe and unproblematic to like himbos. Force this character into the himbo mold, and you can stan unproblematically! A couple of issues here:

As a Marxist, I should point out that there is no such thing as ethical consumption. It's fool's gold, and you're better off abandoning this all-or-nothing way of thinking and accept that life has its compromises WHILE still trying to work on yourself and your habits

Flanderization often leads to more problematic representation, as it erases the nuance that went into the writing of Arthur. He is a very complex dude. A lot of his sense of humor is subtle and off-the-cuff. Many people mistake it for genuine stupidity, and that's just... unfair? Like my boy did not just whip out witty repartee that belittles the presumptuous upper class of America for you to dismiss it as stupidity.

Now, as for himboism itself...

Okay, I love himbos. Kronk from Emperor's New Groove is a great and lovable example of a himbo? Big beefy dude with a big beefy heart but of very little brain UNLESS it involves his favorite pastime: home-making and cooking. Himbos aren't necessarily dumb, btw, they're just not considered conventionally intelligent (the way Yzma is). The charm of the himbo is that their kindness overpowers our traditional valuations of intelligence, and it reminds us that emotional intelligence (which, stereotypically is not recognized in cis men) is worth appreciating.

The problem here is that Arthur Morgan is both emotionally and intellectually intelligent. To overemphasize the former at the expense of the latter makes you miss a lot of his more complicated and unsavory personality traits?

For instance, one of the MAIN character traits (recognizable anywhere) of a himbo is that a himbo would never say a nasty word to ALL women. Now, don't get me wrong, Arthur is indeed a feminist who respects women, but a himbo would not be caught dead saying this line (credit to @papaue00 for reminding me it exists):

It's worth listening to how Roger Clark deliver those lines. Arthur speaks with malice here :)

Now, the point isn't, "Arthur is sexist! Cancel him!" Because that is NOT true. He's not sexist. Rather, he has moments where he gives in to petty malice? And he goes out of his way to demean her by bringing up sex work (i.e. she isn't a lady so she doesn't deserve his respect) to get back at the embarrassment and irritation he feels given the situation.

If you insist on him being a himbo and read him as only himbo, you miss out on his flaws. His flaws are key to understanding why he is the way he is; why he is perfectly capable of making his own choices and making the wrong ones. An unintended bias people have of Arthur as himbo (and therefore wholesome and unproblematic) is that they end up blaming other characters for his decisions. A famous example is Mary's missions. The fandom writ large tends to blame her for stringing Arthur alone, solely because he uses the phrase, 'play me like a fiddle' in his journal. Rather than reading that phrase as self-deprecatory (he's poking fun at himself while also expressing a vulnerable side of him that still loves her), they take that to mean she's manipulating poor helpless Arthur who is totally unaware of what she's doing to him.

Another example, someone wrongly attributed Arthur's pedantic interests to Dutch in one of my reblogs. Dutch and Hosea may have taught the boys how to read, but Dutch has no interest in botany. A quick conversation overhead between him and Lenny shows that his intellectual pursuits are actually just grandstanding and peacocking. He doesn't know and understand wtf he's talking about. Not once does Dutch even talk about botany. Arthur, though? Loves drawing plants. Can identify them. And he has a book of it by his bedside. Like, reading him as 'an idiot' sincerely (and not with a hint of irony, as Arthur does) misattributes his strengths and weaknesses to others, and that's just... unfair to the writers who WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO WRITE THOSE LINES OF EMULATED 19TH-CENTURY SCIENTIFIC PROSE!!! Like, people worked hard to characterize him environmentally. Don't let their efforts be in vain!

Do you see why I care a little bit if people mischaracterize him? It's like, I care in the sense of: okay have a good life. But I also care enough to point out an inaccuracy if I see one. I know it's more polite to not say anything, but it's also condescending of me to treat you like you're a child and just give a bemused smile from behind my screen. I think it's more helpful??? when I point out things you might have missed in game or are deliberately erasing when you choose to ignore the game.

I don't really care about being polite. I care about having good, healthy discussions and endless obsessions over my faves. So yeah there's your answer.

[yuujispinkhair]

dued i saw someone say the panel words under sukuna said 'a wedding is on the line when a war is about to break out'. and i am like what!? sukuna better not be getting married i will go into the at manga and fight him.

Also how do you feel about people saying they hate the maga of jjk now. them saying the writting is poor and its losing its touch and something about the season 2 art looks bad

Heyyy babe <3<3 Oh, I think that part about the wedding was in chapter 217 because Yorozu challenged Sukuna to a fight, and if she wins, she wants him to marry her. Sukuna was like, "Yeah, whatever. You will not win against me anyway. But in the unlikely case that I would lose, defeat is like death to me, so you can do anything you like to my "corpse"." LMAOOO he was dramatic. I love him so much!! But from what I see, Sukuna wasn't interested in Yorozu a thousand years ago, and he isn't interested in her now. It's a one-sided crush.

And about the hate some people have for JJK and Gege: I think the problem isn't the story. It is certain "fans" who forgot the nature of the source material or who think fictional characters are real people etc.

Tbh I blocked a lot of people during the last few weeks because of their negativity toward the current chapters and because of their hate toward Gege. I think mostly it is antis who cry about what they think is incest in the current chapters because Sukuna is inhabiting Megumi's body and Yorozu is inhabiting Tsumiki's body. It's ridiculous really, but every other post in the spoilers tag was about this. I blocked all of them. But yeah, I think antis are trying to drag JJK and Gege through the dirt because they think the manga is pRobLeMaTiC. I really hope they will do everyone a favor and just stop reading the manga. Like, if you don't enjoy something, then please leave it behind and read or watch something you actually enjoy. It will bring you much more peace and happiness.

Personally, I enjoy the current chapters a lot! I love that we see the main characters again and that we get lots of plot. I wasn't a big fan of the culling game because, for my taste, there were too many fights with too many new characters. I am just not interested in those, and I don't understand the cursed techniques anyways. So that wasn't for me, but I know that fights are a big part of the genre and that there are lots of people who enjoy those and love to analyze them. So it is absolutely ok that those fights played a big part. Personally, I am happy that we get more plot again atm and that we see our beloved old characters again <3

So yes, I think everyone got things they enjoy. The story had it all: Plot, fights, new characters, old characters, big plot twists, some fanservice, etc. So I don't understand why people would say it isn't good. Especially the latest chapters are super interesting, I think.

Sometimes I feel like, people are too used to living in their fandom bubble and that's why they complain about canon. For example, I saw some people say that they don't like how comedy-like the Sukuna and Yorozu chapters are while such tragedy is happening to Megumi and Yuuji. But I don't understand this since JJK has always been filled with humor like that, and it is one of the things that I love the most about it.

[semper-legens]

187. The Book of Accidents, by Chuck Wendig

Owned: No, library Page count: 525 My summary: Nate's father is dead. Good, the bastard deserves it - but he's offered Nate the house, for the high price of a single dollar. His empathetic son is struggling in school, his wife needs a space for her art, so why not? But not all is as it seems. Oliver's new friend knows a little more than he should. Maddie's making things she can't explain. And Nate's seeing things in the woods... My rating: 5/5 My commentary:

Sometimes, you can judge a book by its cover. And this book has a particularly good cover. I had no idea what to expect going into The Book of Accidents - vaguely supernatural horror, yes, but beside that I wasn't sure what else. And what I found was a book with bleeding edges; a book about fear and trauma and mundane horror writ large that will stay with me for, doubtless, quite some time. It was interesting, it was thought-provoking, and I just wanted to sink into it and stay there for quite some time. Reader, if any of this sounds appealing to you, I would urge you to get out there and read this book blind before continuing. It's that good a book.

Our main characters are three - Nate, recently moved from the police to Fish and Wildlife after the death of his father; Maddie, an artist who finds herself unconscious of the art she creates; and Oliver, their unusually sensitive and vulnerable son. Their relationships are messy and strong. Nate is unsure of himself and trying his best to be the dad that his father could never be. Maddie is burying secrets and repressing her memories and trying her best to protect herself from her past. Oliver is figuring out who he is, and in the meantime discovering the depths of that question's answer. None of them are perfect, all of them make mistakes, but they're all making smart choices, even if they turn out to be the wrong ones, which is key to my enjoyment of a horror story. Nate coming to terms with the abuses he suffered and trying his hardest to break that cycle of abuse is a really strong story - at every turn he's offered the opportunity to slip and become just like his father, he is stopping and removing himself and not making excuses for bad behaviour. Maddie's the most out of the loop of the supernatural happenings, at least at first, but she manages to keep her head and keep her family together while still dealing with her own stuff. And poor Oliver is a good example of how kind and empathetic characters do not have to be weak. His strength is his big heart, and the way he can literally feel the pain of others.

Speaking of pain, this book is largely about trauma. All of our characters have experienced it in one way or another. Antagonist Jed survived the accident that killed his wife and daughter, an accident he caused. Nate was abused. Maddie was adjacent to serial killings in her community. Jake, our villain, is an alternate version of Oliver from a world where Nate ended up just as abusive as his father. How the different characters respond to trauma is a major theme. Nate keeps his trauma close; Oliver can heal trauma and pain, Maddie blocks it out of her memory, Jake weaponises it, and Jed grieves over it. None are, necessarily, presented as the right or wrong approach (other than Jake). It's how that healing affects the character that matters. Nate finds himself forgiving his father - or, at least, a version of his father who is trying to make amends. Maddie finds her past and uses it to save the day. Meanwhile Jake is consumed by it, and Jed falls apart over the guilt not just of what he did then, but what he does over the course of the narrative.

See, one thing I find interesting here is how the narrative uses metaphor and analogy. There's that element of the metaphor also being literal. Oliver is literally an empath who can experience other people's feelings, as well as being a sensitive kid. Maddie's art is literally a release for her and others. Jake literally uses the titular record of deaths and injuries to bring pain to the land. The serial killer is literally visited by a demon. I kind of like that in horror, bringing the analogy close to the skin while also treating it with a layer of truth. It blurs the line between the real and the supernatural; the heart of the story is still these characters working through their pain and trauma, it's just abstracted with this supernatural overlay. I cannot recommend this book enough, it's a gripping read, and I find myself loving it the more I think about it.

Next, we take to the ocean, with a mermaid, a witch, and the sea.

[sublimeobservationarcade]

Another Lazy Thinking Way Of Operating

There is no left or right, not really, not in political terms. There are many shades of thought and philosophies existing and interacting around the place at any one time in history. Grouping everything into a binary is just another lazy thinking way of operating. It is similar to focusing on one individual at the expense of acknowledging teams and organisations being responsible for actions, achievements and perceived failures. This all comes down to how we like to tell stories and the kind of stories we most like consuming. We, as human beings, shift the emphasis within episodic events to make them more coherent and linked to a central theme or character. We strip out the stuff we judge as tangential and beef up what we want to shine through. Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Keeping Our Worlds Small

Our lazy thinking loves to label stuff left or right, good or bad, or whatever broad based category fits our bill. Polarisation feeds off these categorisations and judgements like a gatekeeper. We want to keep our worlds small and prevent expansionary ideas getting in. America is the perfect example of this right now, where you have some 333 million people identifying as American. This is way too many folk to be sharing an overarching national identity. The internal pressures to break this up into smaller groupings are overwhelming. Modern human beings cannot exist in such a large pool in terms of their identity. Especially sons and daughters of the Western enlightenment. Red or blue, conservative or progressive, southerner or northerner, rural or urban, white or coloured, WASP or Latino, Christian or something else, and the list of binaries could go on.  Human beings want to keep their worlds small and keep out those they deem unworthy of fitting in.

Fictions Over Facts For More Lazy Thinking

It seems like folk are choosing fictions over facts, as stuff they believe in and acting accordingly so. Truth, as an adherence to factor, has gone missing of late in the lives of many Americans. Making stuff up and signing up to stuff you hear without bothering to fact check it are increasingly prevalent. Fingers have been pointed at social media as the defining culprit of this popular trend but I am not sure if this is singularly to blame. Sure, as a source of gossip and outlandish stories social media has expanded the field but human nature must be equally complicit, in my view. Social media is a digital bulletin board, a public square where stuff is writ large, and a shared conversation. The fact that you cannot be assured of the actual identity of who you are communicating with and whether they are, indeed, human at all makes it fraught with fraudulent dangers. Ordinary folk are liable to be manipulated by bad actors, bots, and scammers. Algorithms designed to feed us a diet enriched with outrage engage tens of millions of us across the various platforms 24/7. Bill Clinton, during his Presidency failed to properly regulate the online space and nothing much has been done ever since. Talk about Frankenstein creating monsters, which have grown into multi-billion dollar giants too big to control. The influence of Silicon Valley on successive federal governments and the world is almost without precedence in history. A few historians mention the facts that the printing press, pamphlets and books cost around a third of Europe’s population in lives lost thanks to wars they inspired and provoked, as examples of earlier information technologies and the very real dangers they posed. Some like Yuval Harari and Timothy Snyder tell us that our governments are asleep at the wheel in the face of the online perils now consuming us. Harari makes the suggestion that counterfeiting human identities should immediately be made a crime, a serious one akin to counterfeiting money. The Elon Musk’s of this world present an Orwellian like danger to our lives through the mind control reach upon his 200 million followers on X, according to Snyder. https://www.boomsocial.com/EN/X/Account/elonmusk-44196397 Orion at White House for Made in America Product Showcase (NHQ201807230014) by NASA HQ PHOTO is licensed under CC-BY-NC-ND 2.0 Demagogues & Dictators Facebook, Instagram, X, Tik Tok and the myriad of smaller platforms provide global messaging for despots and demagogues like Donald Trump. Strongmen in the fascist mould are rising up in authoritarian states around the globe, Putin, Xi Jinping, Netanyahu, Orban, Madura, and a growing cohort of these populist dictators are presenting a real threat to democracies around the world. Donald Trump wishes to take the US into this cabal of crooks who have amassed fortunes at the expense of their own citizens. Trump sees the presidency as an opportunity to feather his own personal nest to the level he has always wished to ascend to. There have been crooks in the American presidency before but none so blatant and shameless as Trump. The possibility that the American people could be so duped for a second time by this conman makes their own credibility and integrity loom large as highly questionable. Believing in fictions over facts to the extent that Donald Trump is a serial bankrupt, convicted felon, and compulsive liar and still electing him to the highest office in the land makes these Americans seem unbalanced and in layman’s terms batshit crazy. Science is not perfect but when you stop acknowledging its expertise as a matter of course you are in big trouble as a nation. Empires fall and civilisations crumble. Historians, often, struggle to identify what could possibly bring down something so powerful as the Roman Empire in its day. I think that despite the wealth and military superpower the US is heading for destruction if it becomes a corrupt dictatorship under someone like Trump. Donald Trump admires Vladimir Putin. Perhaps, what he admires most is Putin’s ability to syphon off billions of dollars of wealth into his own stashed boltholes. Once a nation loses touch with its people and becomes a closed shop for kleptocrats the light goes out of that place. Eventually, someone with a bigger stick comes along and deals that regime a killer blow. If equal opportunity for the majority of citizens is removed by graft and greed of the few the future looks increasingly dark. Keeping a once great country together is impossible if its leaders are screwing the people out of their birthright. A wasteland of warlords in an endless civil war may well be the ultimate outcome for America. Indeed, Hollywood has already made a movie about it in homage to its possible prescience. Photo by ThisIsEngineering on Pexels.com Predicting The Outcome With AI Human beings have a preference for narratives over data, we are not machines after all. We invent machines like AI to fill this gap in our processing protocols. The stories we tell ourselves don’t always correlate with the statistical data, especially regarding things like the state of our health. Now, we have fitness monitoring smart devices to enhance our understanding of the actual state of affairs. However, we lack such things in our processing of information regarding the political sphere. We rely on pundits, polls, news sources, and social media to glean the gist of goings on in this circus like arena. All of these things run on narrative based themes, as this is what piques audience interest over just the dry facts. Even the polls are defined by the questions presented to those polled. Surely, AI must have the answer to who is going to wing the 2024 presidential election. A recent ad by the Lincoln Foundation tells us that AI has chosen Trump as the answer to that pertinent question.  If a machine can be plugged into all the data points relevant to the question, as massive as that must be, one would suppose that this ground breaking technology can deliver the likely outcome. AI & Global Warming Is AI another lazy thinking way of operating? Is it merely more outsourcing of human brain functioning destined to render us more dependent and dumber down the track? Technology is a two edged sword, which can cut both ways. AI can be used to take our human predilection for stories out of the equation to produce more factual answers to our queries. It will be interesting to hear what AI has to say on the global issue of climate change. Big Oil and the fossil fuel sector have effectively muddied the waters on the world’s perception of the science on this matter. Human beings are not great on dealing with stuff involving deep time, as it spans far beyond our own lifetimes. The global climate is way out of our league on this score. Would the world listen to AI on this existential question? Is anybody asking AI right now? More Lazy Thinking? It seems, as if the world is faced with a choice between the descendants of colonisers and those who see a fairer society for all. This reduction may just be more lazy thinking but bear with me awhile. On one side we have folk who view the world as same as it ever was, where the dominant cohort, white males rule the roost. Individually, they want their slice of the pie and don’t want to risk sharing it with those currently getting less pie or no pie at all. Scattered amongst this large group are a few who don’t seem to fit in, superficially anyway. They might be Black, Latino or Asian but they want a position with an inside run like them white men. Plenty of women have long known that they need to act like men to get what they want at work and in the halls of power. Hell’s bells some are playing rough and tumble sports because this is where the glory still resides in our societies. Why should they miss out on the action and the rewards success in sport brings. Victim or perpetrator, who would you rather be? Identities are no longer fixed in biological realities if they ever really were, they are stories we tell each other and ourselves. Even gender, is no longer a binary imperative anymore. Black women can be Trump voters and members of the Trump cult. Latinos can be likewise supporters, despite the vile stuff Trump and Vance put out about immigrants. Plenty of immigrants, once they have established themselves in their new country, take on the political identity of those who campaign to end immigration and keep foreigners out. They are happy to see the door slammed shut after them. Belief In A Zero Sum Game Is Lazy Thinking Belief in a zero-sum game, where there are always only winners and losers, especially in economic situations is their take on life. Get in and take what you want and to hell with anybody else – this is the mantra of these folk. Private wealth over the public good. The neoliberal economic agenda has thus ruled Western governments for the last 40 plus years. The financialization of every part of life has been led by the United States and other advanced economies are following suit. Housing is all about the market and what profits can be generated there. Thus, we have housing crises all over the world, where shelter has become largely unaffordable for great swathes of our populations. Rents have gone through the roof, as social housing has not been built during the decades of neoliberalism. Market forces want to create expensive luxury style housing, so as to maximise profitability. Now, there is nowhere for the poor to live and people are homeless and living in tent cities in the 21C. A section of the population has done very well from the rampant inflation in the residential property market, which in Australia is at the order of some 330% over the last 30 years. We do not talk about this as inflation, however, because massively increasing property values are a good thing apparently. The banks have made countless billions out of this rampant inflation of land values. The central banks are at heart bankers of course and therefore support this grand con; this approved scam upon the people. Wealth creation for the few over the many has rapidly expanded during the last 30 years. Billionaires strut the world stage making their celebrity felt like medieval kings once did amid their dirt poor subjects. Oligarchy has returned to rule over governments and the people. Democratic government is a thin veneer, a sham, bought and paid for by the great wealth of corporations and their oligarchs. Political leaders are mouthpieces making speeches on TV for the benefit of their donors. The Trump circus has brought reality TV to the halls of political power. Donald Trump is the resurrection of the super salesman, forget about Willy Loman, this compulsive liar reinvents reality for the American public every minute of the day via social media. There is no truth, only fake news, and this whining, braggart paints a bleak picture of America to exploit the grumblings of grievance politics among his cult followers. Trump promises to make it better, MAGA style, by blaming all the bad stuff on those identified as ‘other’. Immigrants are to blame all over America, apparently. The poor and dispossessed are easy targets for overweight, unhappy Americans who feel they are not rich enough in their lives. Populist politicians tell this mob that everyone else it to blame for their hurt feelings. Strangely, I remember JFK saying something like – ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country. Wow, I wonder how that would go down these days? Some experts define America as split down an urban vs rural divide. Possibly another lazy thinking way of operating, but worth exploring, perhaps? Why do folk live in rural areas when most of the services are in and around the cities? Obviously, it must provide a way of life they enjoy and value. More space and less other human beings in their face, these things are part of the appeal I bet. However, this tends to make many of them less tolerant of other ways of living. Less tolerant of people born elsewhere and who have moved with their customs to their new home. Less tolerant of those who worship differently to themselves. Less tolerant of LGBTQI folk in many instances, but not all. If you only think about your likes and dislikes, your wants, and don’t think about other realities on the national level, then, this is going to be a problem. If partisan politics exploits this and encourages it, we end up with a divided nation – as is the case. The adherence to the zero sum game turns everything into a battle for a shrinking pie. What a smart person would do is ask themself who is getting most of that pie right now? Cui bono? Is it Black folk? No, most of these folk are poorer than white folk. Is it immigrants as a group? Definitely not, these folk are at the very bottom of the wealth measurement ranking. Actually, it is these billionaires and these corporations. How can it be alright for Elon Musk to be worth $269 billion? For Jeff Bezos to be worth $205 billion? Bill Gates $138 billion? What kind of economic system allows such obscene amounts of wealth to be accrued whilst most folk are struggling to afford healthcare, education and a roof over their heads? The answer is a manipulated system, where the rich buy the politicians and they do their bidding in terms of tax relief and lack of regulation. Many of us know this stuff but have no idea about how to go about changing the status quo. It is too hard for all those used to lazy thinking. So, they attack easy targets to vent their frustrations upon - like immigrants. This is called downward envy or as I like to say punching down on weaker folk. Trump can go around laying blame on immigrants and other traditional targets for demonization. White men like to blame women, especially powerful women who have risen above their station in the view of these men. Blacks are pilloried as pimps, gangsters, drug dealers and responsible for their own poverty, more generally, in the minds of many white voters. LGBTQI folk are beneath contempt in the opinion of many white voters on moral grounds, according to their traditional religious beliefs and upbringings. Political violence is an American thing as well, which has been with them since the beginning. Not just assassinations of presidents but far more wide reaching across the nation. Massacres and the lynching of Blacks at every level ever since slavery morphed into peonage, Jim Crow, and apartheid. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Medgar Evers and a host of civil rights leaders were murdered. Militias beat up, shot up, and murdered unionists and those that opposed the wealthy and powerful across the land. One gets a sense that Trump and his Project 2025 associates want to turn the clock back to these fertile times for fascists and oligarchs. America rarely talks about its real history of political violence. Hollywood has shied away from telling these non-feel good tales. Photo by Element5 Digital on Pexels.com Partisan politics has stymied the ability of Congress to impeach Presidents, whether they be deserving or not. If politicians and elected representatives are playing for their side over and above every other consideration – they are not representing their constituents. The Founders knew the danger of partisan politics and did not want what has eventuated in America at every level of government. Even, the US Supreme Court is heavily partisan and incapable of providing impartiality as final arbiter. Congress has been rendered impotent in the face of this rampant partisanship. Oligarchic money has polluted all 3 levels of federal government in America, including the courts. Abraham Lincoln is once again required, now more than ever, to return economic opportunity to ordinary Americans under siege from the billionaires and their vested interests. Will the nation be able to find such an individual in the 21C? Could the modern version of Abe be a woman of colour in 2024? Or are we destined for disaster and this is just another lazy thinking way of operating? Robert Sudha Hamilton is the author of America Matters: Pre-apocalyptic Posts & Essays in the Shadow of Trump. ©MidasWord https://read.amazon.com.au/kp/embed?asin=B0CY8CMT33&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=kip_embed_taf_preview_265CVVYYX8QY3S5TG6E8 Read the full article

[brownieracha]

The college experience

Pairing: OC x Lee Know

Genre: college au, angst

wc: 9.5 K

A/N: This is my fic for the clownracha fic exchange (so excited!!) and I got @simpracha as the person I had to write for!!! So the main character is kinda based on Doe uwu (look I tried). My first idea was something completly different, too complicated for me since is the longest fic i've ever wrote, so I hope you like what I ended up writting hehe. I wrote it with all my love <3 I really hope you like it ♥

Sumary: This is your typical enemies to lovers (or at least I've tried lol), where Jess wanted to have her typical college experience, but it got ruined by Lee Know. (i'm sorry i'm bad with summaries)

Tags: @simpracha @wooyussy @georgenootfound

“But I want you to go too” Chaeryeong looks at me with puppy eyes. “It’s not going to be as fun if you don’t come.” I simply sip on my coffee without giving her an answer.

“Come on Jess!” Yeji insists. “We’re going as a group, if you don’t go, we’re not going.”

For the last (seemingly never ending) 10 minutes, they’ve been trying to convince me to go to this random party they heard of on campus. I really, really don’t feel like going. I tell them so.

Also I have way too many unfinished assignments.

“What do you mean if she doesn’t go, we’re not going?” Lia blurts “This is my opportunity to talk to him!” She turns to look at me “Jess please.” I sigh.

I’m seriously about to get dragged to a party just so Lia can flirt with whoever her new crush is this week. I just wanted to have a nice coffee before class and now I’m finding myself trapped in this conversation. Perfect timing for someone to take me out, I think. Violently, preferably.

I really don’t want to go to this frat party. Where’s a bus driver charging at full speed when you need it?

Yeji looks at me with puppy eyes, and I wince. I’m far too easy for them. Their puppy eyes fill with excitement, and they know they’ve almost got me to go.

“I have to think about it” I settle with.

“Oh my god, guess who’s also coming to the party” We look at Ryunjin, who is showing us a random group chat. All we can see is a ofc I’m going! from a random number.

“Girl, I don’t know people by their phone number? Who’s that?” I squint. trying to get a good look at the profile picture.

“Someone you might be interested in.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

If my face could, it would turn into one big exclamation mark with two big fat red circles for cheeks. The girls start giggling when they notice.

“So now you have to come to the party.” Yuna says. “It’s your opportunity to flirt with Hoongjoong” I turn redder, if that was possible.

“Can you keep your voice down? I don’t need the whole building to know I have a crush on him, jeez.” I get up and grab my things. “I’m going to the library now to finish some homework, because I guess we’re going to that party.” I finish putting my things away and I put my jacket on. “But as soon as I feel uncomfortable, we’re leaving.” They all nod.

***

Later that day we all met at Chae, Lia and Yuna’s apartment to get ready all together. We all bring our backpacks with different outfits and makeup because we love getting ready together and sharing clothes. We start drinking and blasting our favorite songs while we look through outfit options. After a couple of hours of laughing and trying on clothes, we end up a little tipsy, but we do end up being ready enough to leave the flat.

Ryunjin is wearing a pair of black cargo pants, paired with a dark blue butterfly top and white platform sneakers. Lia and I are both wearing dresses (mine is red and hers is black), and we’re both wearing the same black converse model. Chae is wearing a beautiful pink skirt with a white crop top and golden heels. Yeji and Yuna end up wearing a very similar outfit, all black, edgy vibes, paired with a leather jacket each.

At last, we arrive at the house where the party is taking place. As soon as we go inside the - host? designated rando? - offers us some drinks.

“What’s in here?” I ask, smelling the cup. The smell of alcohol hits my nose in return, strong enough to make it twitch.

The boy who just gave us the cups shrugs his shoulders and goes back into the kitchen. Oh, okay then.

“If I were you, I would rather drink out of the bathroom sink.” We hear a manly voice next to us.

“Stinks from here, girls. ” I look to my left and see three men standing next to us.

“Woo!” Ryunjin goes to hug the red haired one. “What the hell? I haven’t seen you in a minute! I missed you!” They hug.

The red-haired man is well known by us, he’s been friends with Ryunjin since she started college. They’re both majoring in dance, but Wooyoung is two years older than her, so they don’t go to classes together. 

“You know, I’ve been here and there, doing lots of stuff.” He shrugs with a smile, looking between us and his friends. “Let me introduce you to my friends, but I think you already know them.” He smiles. “He’s my best friend San.” Ryunjin laughs and San winks at her. “And this is Hoongjoong.”

As soon as he introduces the last boy, I feel an elbow poking my side, and I give Yeji a warning look. Zero subtlety, this girl has. Can’t fathom the idea that not everyone wants to be put on blast in front of their crush and an entire frat.

I’ve had a crush on Hoongjoong since I first started college - he was three courses ahead of me and he was one of the students that came into our class the first day to tell us about the course. He even offered his help with anything we could’ve needed. Ever since then -  since hearing how passionate he was about producing and writing music, I’ve felt naturally drawn to him.

The conversation runs smoothly from there. After introducing ourselves, we converge in a relaxed half-circle by the left far corner of the room. It’s fun, and I laugh at the retelling of my friends’ adventures in college and the venture of adult life.

A good thirty minutes must’ve gone by, when Lia and Yuna excuse themselves.

“We’re going to try and find Jeongin.” Yuna informs. “Let’s hope today’s Lia’s lucky day.” She winks, making everyone laugh. And with that they go into the living room.

The group falls into a short-lived silence, not uncomfortable. I take one look at the inside of my cup - I still haven’t thrown it away, I don’t know why. To my right, I faintly register Woo and Ryunjin catching up.

“Jess, right?” Hoongjoong says next to me. “I remember you from your first day. You were asking a lot of questions. You were so eager to start doing things” he smiles at me. My knees nearly buckle when he does.

“Yeah, I’ve always loved music. Ever since I was very little. I started playing the piano when I was a child. My parents say I always had some kind of music on.” I smile. “And if I wasn’t, I’d just make the music myself. I still do that - it’s like my brain is a living jukebox.”

I get a little shy - I usually do, when I’m talking about myself. I instinctively look down. “I ended up settling for a music major, it made sense for me. I have a hard time expressing myself sometimes, but - not with my music.” I look back at him. His eyes look soft around the edges, and I grin back at him. “Plus, it would be cool to make music that means something to someone. Music makes me happy - I want to give that happy back.”

“It’s kind of the same for me” he replies, and he’s still smiling as he does. I repress the urge to sigh lovingly - that would be embarrassing. “Ever since I started writing music, I’ve been able to express my feelings better, and-”

“And he can spend days in the studio working on a song. He’s a bit obsessive about it” a tall man appears behind him and hugs him by the waist. “I have to drag him out of the studio more often than I should.” He laughs. Hoongjoong looks down, biting his lip to repress a smile.

He’s so fucking cute.

“That’s not true.” Hoongjoong whines.

Suddenly, the other man grabs him by the chin, turning his face. Oh.

They look at each other for a couple of seconds. They’re not even doing anything, but I get the insane urge to turn around and avert my gaze. Oh wait.

The feeling flares as the taller man closes the space between them and kisses Hoongjoong.

Well. Fuck.

“Seonghwa! You made it!” Wooyoung greets the tall man. When they hear him, they separate from each other. They greet each other and Wooyoung introduces us to Seonghwa, who apparently is Hoongjoong’s boyfriend.

And apparently, they’ve been together for 2 years now. How could I not know this?

I can feel Yeji, Ryunjin and Chae staring at me from the corner of my eye. Fuck, I’m feeling properly embarrased right now. If I don’t leave right now I’m going to throw up all over Chae’s fancy shoes.

I say goodbye to everyone quickly and go try to find Lia and Yuna. I hope Lia has had more luck than me tonight.

I go into the living room trying to find my friends, but when I turn the corner, I run into a slightly taller man. I immediately stop before I crash into him. I look up to see who he was and apologize for not looking where I was going. To my surprise I find someone I wish I wouldn’t never have met.

“Oh hey, sorry, I didn’t see you there.” I say, and I try to get away.

“Hey! Jess! Wait!” I hear him calling me while I was leaving. “Wait! Can we talk?” I hear him coming behind me.

“I don’t have anything to talk with you” I turn around to face him. “You already said enough  a while ago, Minho.” And with that I turn back around and go away as fast as I can. I really don’t want to talk to him or even be in his presence.

Instead of looking for my friends I decide that it is a good time to go home. Alone. I don’t want to be here anymore. Seeing him reminded me of why I don’t like going to parties. I walk out of the house, and I see my friends as I’m leaving, but they don’t see me, so I decide to leave without bothering them.

Once I get home, I look in the mirror and I see that my makeup has smudged, I didn’t notice I was crying on the way here. I take of the rest of the makeup, put my pajamas, and get into bed, ignoring the calls and messages from my friends. Tomorrow would be a better day. I’m hoping.

The next morning the sun wakes me up, I check my phone to look at the hour and I see the messages from the group chat and calls from the girls.

I call them in order to tell what happened at the party. I press the videocall button and wait, not for too long because they immediately pick up the phone. Since Ryunjin and Yeji share a bedroom at the dorm, they appear on the same screen. They both look okay, they are the responsible ones, I’m guessing they didn’t drink much yesterday. On another screen I see Chae and Yuna, they look a bit hungover. I see myself on the screen and I wasn’t expecting to look this bad. Apparently, I didn’t take off my makeup very well yesterday.

“Woah Jess, are you okay?” Chae asks, “You look like you didn’t sleep well.” I see her worried face.

She’s not wrong though. I couldn’t sleep last night as I wanted to, all because I kept remembering all that happened last year. I was convinced I was over everything, but apparently, I’m not.

“Where’s Lia?” She’s not answering the video call and I don’t see her on Chae and Yuna’s screen. Then I remembered she was the one that wanted to go to the party to flirt with Jeongin, so I’m guessing she was lucky last night.

“Well, she hasn’t come home yet.” Yuna says, waving her eyebrows. So, I was right, she was luckier than me last night. I feel so happy for her, she’s had a crush on Jeongin since we first started college.

“Hey girls” Lia appears on the screen.

“Omg speaking of the devil. Where are you?” Yeji asks. She opens her eyes wide when she realizes.

“Do I have to say it, or do you already know what happened?” Lia whispers. We all laugh. “Let me go to the bathroom so I can talk.”

Once we’re all more calm with Lia’s news, I start telling them what happened. Since Yuna and Lia weren’t there when we met Seonghwa, I told the whole story.

“… so, when they kissed, I went to look for Yuna. And when I was going into the living room, I almost crashed into…” I stop.

“No dramatic pauses, Jess!” Chae exclaims.

“…Minho” They all become silent for a minute. They all know how much he hurt me.

It all happened when I first started college, I was so excited to meet new people, and to party. The whole college experience.

That’s when I met the girls, in my first year. I met Yeji, Lia and Yuna in class, we were paired together for a group project, and we instantly became friends. With that we started to go to parties, and we met Chae and Ryunjin. Yeji and Ryunjin were friends before that because they were sharing a room at the dorm, and Chaeryeong and Ryunjin had met each other in class. They were both doing a dance major. And with that we started going to a lot of parties together and meeting new people at every party we went to. That’s how we met Minho.

One party we went to was at this big house in which eight people lived. We were invited to it because three of our classmates lived there, Han, Changbin and Bangchan. They were known as 3Racha, and they were kind of famous in college for their music. They knew each other before going to school and they were already producing some music. So naturally I talked to them early on when I started the music major. Han and I instantly became friends, and that’s how we got invited to that party where I met the rest of that friend group. They were all very nice, Felix and Hyunjin shared classes with Ryunjin and Chaeryeong so they already knew each other. Minho was also a dance major, but he was older than them. In that party is where Lia met Jeongin and she’s had a crush on him since then.

When I first met Minho, he was nice, and since he was older than us, he showed us around. He made sure we were always safe, and he was almost like our protector. Or that’s what I believed. I started to spend more time with him and his friends, and with all that the eight of them and the six of us became close friends.

One day after a party I started to realize that I was falling for him. I told the girls how I felt about him, and they all encouraged me to go and tell him about my feelings. I wasn’t confident about it until one night.

I decided to talk with him about my feelings and maybe ask him out. I was convinced and maybe a little tipsy. So, I went over where he was, and asked him if I could talk to him in private, since he was with two friends, Han, and another boy that I didn’t know. To my surprise his response was a laugh. I was very confused, because we have talked in private before and I didn't really understand what was going on. I took a deep breath and tried again to make him come with me to talk privately. He didn’t even look at me and started laughing, again, with this other boy and all I heard was “I told you man”. I looked at Han, not knowing what was going on, trying to look for an explanation. I was starting to be mad at him, I wasn’t understanding his behavior. Han looked at me with compassion in his eyes.

“Look, I know you’re obsessed with me or whatever” What! I couldn’t believe what Minho was saying. I’d never seen him behave like that before, he was always nice with all of us, even with me when we were alone. I wasn’t falling for him for nothing. “Do you really think I was interested in you? God, you’re so naïve. Not everyone being nice to you means that they want you.”

I start feeling like i’ve never felt before, my heart was broken and I was humiliated. I paralyzed, not knowing what to do, not even realizing that tears had started forming in my eyes

The other boy and Minho started laughing and Han got up to hug me.

“Man, you’ve fucked up this time, I don’t even recognize you.” Han took me with my friends and told them what had happened, as I wasn’t able to speak. I wasn’t, my brain was still not processing what had just happened. I was really shocked. I wasn’t expecting a love confession from him, I only wanted to talk to him in private. And if he really wasn’t interested, I thought he would have told me in a kinder way. I was sad and mad at him. With that I decided that I didn’t want to go to another party if he was there. I didn’t want to see him anymore. My feelings were hurt. The next day he tried to come and talk to me, but Yeji and Ryunjin didn’t allow that to happen.

I lost contact with some of the boys, since I didn’t attend any of their parties that year. I only talked to 3Racha when we were in class, and I never came across Minho again. Not until last night.

“And when I saw him all the feelings came back, I thought I had forgotten what he had done.” I feel the tears starting to fall from my eyes. “But I guess I can’t forgive him for what he did.” I start crying. 

“Well, fuck him.” Lia said, after they all stayed silent for a minute. “Let’s go grab breakfast all together and I’m sure you’ll feel better.” I smile at her words.

I get up from my bed to get ready for breakfast with them. Being with them always cheered me up when I’m feeling down. So that’s exactly what I needed right now.

Half an hour later we all meet at our regular café place, I’m the last one to arrive there. When I get to the table where they all were I get hugged by all of them at the same time. My tears threaten to start coming again.

“If you need to cry, do it Jess. You’ll feel better after it.” Yeji says after looking at my face.

I laugh while a single tear drops down my cheek.

“I don’t want to waste another tear on that jerk, he doesn’t deserve it.” They laugh. I feel safe with them.

“Of course, girl, he doesn’t deserve anything from you.” Ryunjin holds me by my shoulder as we sit side by side.

“Let’s change the topic, shall we?” Chae claps her hands together. “Ryu, how was last night?” She waves her eyebrows.

“Ryu?!” I turn to my side to look at her. Ryunjin turns red. Another one that was lucky last night. I can’t help but feel a bit hurt, but happy for them. I wish things were easier for me, but since that night I hadn’t had luck with love.

“Well…” Ryunjin starts speaking, turning redder every second, “I met someone…and” she giggles.

“Can you go straight to the point already, please?”

“Chaeryeong, don’t be impatient.” Yeji laughs. “But, who, who did you meet?”

“I met a girl, a really cute girl and we talked for a while” she stops, her face is the reddest I’ve ever seen her. She’s always confident when it comes to flirting and talking about it. “And she kissed me” Ryunjin covers her face with both hands.

“Wow, you must really like her! I’ve never seen you like this.” Yuna chuckles. “Who is this mysterious girl? Do you have pictures?”

Ryunjin shows us her Instagram.

We stay together until lunch time, talking about different things and laughing a lot. At this point I’ve forgotten about Minho and everything that happened last night. I go home to eat something feeling so much better.

Minho POV

I hadn’t seen Jess since last year, so running into her at the party was weird for me. After being so close last year, until I fucked up. I feel so sorry for what I did to her, all I want to do is apologize. So, when I saw her at the party, that was my plan. I overheard the boys saying that she and the girls would be at the party, so I thought that was the perfect opportunity to talk to Jess. But when she ran away from me, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I feel so bad for the words I said to her, I really wasn’t thinking and maybe a little drunk. Which doesn’t justify what I did. I wasn’t expecting her to forgive me, but she deserved an apology from me, at least that. I also needed to do it, I needed to heal from my past, and she was the last person I had to apologize to.

The day after I told Jess the horrible things I did, the boys sat me down because they were done with my behavior. I was mad at them because it was none of their business how I behaved.

“I’m old enough for you to tell me how to behave.”  I left the conversation. they were no one to lecture me. But then the next day Han came into my room, and we had a long conversation. I said horrible things to him, and he did to me. We both ended up crying, and when I saw my best friend crying for the stupid things that were leaving my mouth is when I realized that I needed to do something. I apologized to all the boys for what I said the day before, and they helped me find a therapist. Because that’s what I needed.

One year after I changed. And I realized how much I hurt one of the few people that cared about me. That’s why knowing she was going to be at the party was the perfect opportunity for me.

“So, were you able to talk to her?” Han approached me minutes after she ran away from me.

“I didn’t” I look at the floor. “I fucked up so bad, I wasn’t expecting her to forgive me. But what I wasn’t expecting was her running away. I feel worse than before, she deserves an apology.”

“Take it easy and expect her to run away from you.” Han puts his hand on my shoulder “You really hurt her feelings. You can’t picture how miserable she was after what you told her.” Han was still close to her since they shared classes.

“I know! I just want to tell her how sorry I am.” I look down. “I’m going home.”

On my way home I kept thinking about Jess' reaction, and it was clearer that she deserved the apology as soon as possible. The best option to get to talk to her was trying to see her at college. And that was my plan.

A couple of days have gone by since the party and I’ve already forgotten about it. Life went back to normal, going to class and spending time with the girls.

I was going to meet them at the cafeteria after finishing my classes for the day. So after putting all my stuff in my bag and saying goodbye to my classmates, I went there. None of them were there when I arrived so I went to a table and sat there, waiting for them. Suddenly I heard someone pulling the chair next to me, so I look up from my phone, thinking that it was one of the girls. To my surprise I see Minho sitting next to me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask in a serious voice.

“Listen, I want-”

“I don’t care, because I don’t want to listen.” And with that I get up from my chair in order to leave. I don’t need to listen to anything he has to say. He will hurt my feelings once again.

“But, Jess, please-” He looks up, and for a moment I feel sorry for him. But I have to be strong, I’m not willing to go through the same thing I went through last year.

“I’m sorry but I don’t have anything to talk to you about, so please leave me alone.” I go, without looking back at him.

As soon as I’m out of the cafeteria I look for a bench and I sit down. I unlock my phone and look for the group chat to ask the girls if we could meet somewhere else.

I don’t want him near me for now. Seeing him is opening old wounds I thought were closed.

For a moment I felt like he had changed, that he wanted to go back to where we were before. But then I remembered the pain I felt when he said those mean words to me. I will never forget, as much as I want to. I start to remember the good times that we had together as friends, and I start to feel furious. A single tear drops down my cheek.

A few moments later they all arrive at the coffee shop we talked about. When we all have our coffee, I decide to explain what happened, since none of them wanted to ask me why the sudden change.

“So,” I start, finding it hard to explain. Lia, who’s sitting next to me grabs my arm trying to calm me down. “I- He-.” I clear my throat before continuing. “He came up to me, to talk with me.” I finally say.

“Who? Minho?” Ryunjin exclaims. “What did he want?”

“I don’t know” I shake my head. “I didn’t want to talk to him” I look down. “When I saw him there, I thought that he had changed for a moment. Then every bad memory came to mind, so I ran out. I don’t know what he wanted.” I look up again just to see Yeji’s worried face,

“Are you okay?” She asks.

I don’t know what to answer, I’m not really sure. I’m feeling so many things that I’m not sure.

“I truly don’t know” I hold back the tears that are trying to escape my eyes. “I thought I was, until he tried to talk to me.”

“Maybe he wanted to apologize.” I look at Chaeryeong as she said the craziest thing I’ve heard in a while. “I’m just saying! Don’t look at me like that. I know how much he hurt you, but maybe he’s changed.”

“I don’t want to keep talking about him, let’s do something else, please.” I say.

We end up chatting about more fun things. Since Yuna’s birthday was coming soon, we were planning a party.

“We don’t have to throw a big party if you don’t want Jess. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” She looks at me and grabs my hand. “I want all of us to have fun.” She squeezes my hand.

“I’ll be okay, really!” I know Yuna loves going to big parties and what better way to celebrate her birthday other than throwing a big party for her. “I think it will be fun actually.”

And I do think that I would have so much fun at that party. I’ll be with my friends, having a nice time without worrying about anything else. I just hope this party goes better than the last one. At least for me.

“Okay class, we’re going to do a project about music through history. This time I’ll make the pairs so there’s no problems this time.” The teacher looks over his glasses. He looks back at the paper he’s holding between his hands. “I’ll pin this paper on the board so you can take a look at the pairings for this project.” He does that and as soon as he gets away from the board, we all go to check it out.

“Jess!” I hear a voice behind me as I’m checking the paper. “We’re together!” I turn around just to see Han’s smiley face.

We get away from the people that are still checking the paper and we sit together.

“We’re going to do the best project.” Han claps excited. “I’m so happy that I get to do a project with you.” He hugs me from the side.

“Yes!” His excitement is contagious. I’m happy that he’s my partner for this project and not someone I don’t know that well. “We should meet up and decide on how we’re doing this.”

Suddenly his phone starts ringing. “I’m sorry I have to pick it up.” He gets up. “I’ll text you later.” He says as he goes out of the class.

I get up and go back to where I was sitting before, next to Yeji, Lia and Ryunjin. I find Lia and Yeji there.

“Who did you get for the project?” I ask them.

“We’re together for this project!” Lia exclaims. “We were so lucky. What about you? Who did you get?”

“Han! I’m happy to do a project with him to be honest.” I smile, remembering how excited he was to be paired with me. He was one of my best friends but after the Minho incident we hadn’t talked much, but I knew he was always there for me if I needed it.

We go where Ryunjin was talking to a boy from class I don’t recognize, it must be who she has to do this project with.

“We’re going to the cafeteria, are you joining us?” I ask her, hugging her from the side.

“I’ll go in a second, grab me a coffee please.” She hugs me back, and then turns back to keep talking to her project partner.

As soon as we get into the cafeteria, we see Chae and Yuna at a table, so we join them. We all order our coffees and Ryunjin’s. The latest join us five minutes later.

“What were you talking about?” She asks as soon as she sits down and leaves her things on the floor next to her.

“Yuna’s party.” Lia replies. “We have almost every detail planned.” We all nod.

“I have to say that I’m very excited to do this.” Yuna giggles. “It’s going to be epic.” We laugh. She always gets excited to go partying. A few minutes later I hear my phone and I check it, just to see that Han has messaged me about meeting up for the project. I unlock my phone to reply while they keep talking about the party.

I lock my phone and go back to the conversation with the girls about Yuna’s party. We have to plan this well.

“We can go tomorrow to pick up decorations.” Chae suggests.

“I can’t, I’m going to Han’s to do this project about music through history that we have to do together.” I reply. “Can you go without me? I could pick up the cake the day of the party.”

They all agree on that. The party will take place in two weeks at Yuna’s so we still have time to put everything together without forgetting about classes and homework.

Minho POV

I go inside the restaurant where Han and I decided to meet for dinner. After a day full of things, mostly classes and homework, what I need the most is to talk to my best friend. I’m still thinking about the interaction I had with Jess the other day.

When I saw her sitting alone at the university cafeteria, I thought it would be the perfect time to talk with her. And for a second I thought she had somehow forgiven me, for a moment she seemed like she wanted to listen to me. Just for a second. Then she ran away from me once again. I felt a pain in my chest when she did, when she went away without giving me a chance to apologize. When I felt that I realized that she must have felt like that when I rudely rejected her.

“Hey!” Han waves me from the booth he’s sitting at. I wave back and I go there to sit in front of him. “Are you okay?” He asks me as soon as he looks at me.

“Tired day, just that.” I sigh. “I had two different dance classes and that’s exhausting. And after that I had to study and work on a project. I have no energy left to be honest.” I rub my face with both hands.

“Are you sure that’s it? Minho, I know you and I know something is bothering you.” He does know me well. Damn. “It’s this about Jess, isn’t it?” Han is the only one who know how sorry I am for how I behaved last year. He knows what I felt for Jess, and how I fucked up because I didn’t know how to manage my feelings.

“It is about her.” I look down. “I feel awful for what I did.” I look back.

“Did something new happen?” I still haven’t told him about the other day at the cafeteria.

I nod, and I tell him about it. I also tell him how I’m feeling. As I’m telling him that I realize how easy it would have been knowing how to communicate my feelings. If only I knew how to a year ago, good thing the boys made me search for a therapist. I wish I perceived that I had a problem and I had to go earlier in life.

“You have to give her time. She was devastated when you did that. You’ll have to wait until she wants to hear you.” He was there for her, since they were good friends. “For now, keep trying, but don’t push it if she doesn’t want to talk to you. You don’t want her to hate you even more.” He laughs nervously. I know he feels awkward talking about this, and I would feel too.

I stay silent for a few minutes, thinking about everything. About how to approach her in a way she’ll feel comfortable if she can ever feel that way with me again.

“I guess I’m feeling guilty because she didn’t deserve to get her college experience fucked up by me and my stupid decisions.”

“We’ve already discussed this, don’t do that. Self-pity is not going to fix the past, you have to work on the future.”

Next day arrives and I wake up earlier than usual. I have to clean my apartment before going to Han’s house. I hate every second of it, waking up early has never been my thing. I always stay up late finishing stuff that needs to get done.

An hour goes by, and my apartment is somewhat clean, at least clean enough to me. I pack my things and go out to catch the bus to meet Han. Before going into the house, I buy two coffees since I know Han is not a morning person either and his energy is going to be low.

Just a moment before ringing the bell I realize that, if I’m going to be here, Minho is probably going to be around. I take a deep breath putting myself together, he cannot dictate where I can feel or not feel comfortable. I decided at that very moment that he doesn’t matter anymore, that he can’t hurt my feelings again. He doesn’t matter. Did it take me going back to his house to realize that? Probably, and I should have come to the conclusion earlier. But that doesn’t matter anymore.

I ring the bell and I hear voices inside. I can recognize Changbin’s loud voice, so I’m guessing he’s going to open the door. Seconds later I’m greeted by him, opening the door as I predicted.

“Hey Jess!” I hug him, and he hugs me tightly. “Come inside, Han is upstairs.” When I enter their house, I see Bangchan sitting on the sofa, so I go towards there to greet him.

“Jess! How have you been?” He gets up to hug me. I’ve missed this so much. I shouldn’t have distanced myself from them.

“I’ve been good.” I smile. Is this lying? I don’t think it is, technically I’ve been good. And bad. “I should probably go upstairs, I bet Han is waiting for me.”

“Or maybe he’s asleep again.” I hear Changbin shouting as I’m going up the stairs. I laugh.

I knock on Han’s door and enter his room, still laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asks, turning his head to look at me. He was sitting on the floor, with his back resting on the back of the bed. I go sit next to him, giving him a coffee. “Thanks.” He smiles. He looks tired, he had probably pulled an all-nighter.

“Nothing, just Binnie.” I say between laughs. I put my backpack on the floor in front of me and I take out my laptop and a notebook. “Yesterday I was looking at the notes the professor gave us, and I figured out how we can distribute the work so it’s easier.” I hand him the notebook where I drew a diagram on which part of the project we have to do.

We get into it pretty quickly, just talking when we have any doubts about the information we’re finding. An hour and a half later we have pretty much all the information we need. We just have to put it together and make it look presentable.

“Come in!” Han says after hearing a knock on the door. Right after that Felix’s head pops through the door.

“Hi. I baked some brownies. Do you want to try them?” He offers a plate full of them to us. He’s so nice. I haven’t tried any of his brownies yet, but if they are as good as his cookies, I bet they’re going to taste amazing. “So, how’s your project going?” He sits on the floor in front of us while we eat his brownies.

“I think it’s going smoothly.” Han replies with his mouth full. “It shouldn’t take us long to finish it.” He looks at me and I nod, the project is easier than we both expected so it should be done fast.

“I will leave you then so you can concentrate.” Felix gets up and leaves the room, leaving the brownies for us.

After another hour we decide to stop. The project is almost finished, and we need to take a break.

“Oh, Jess.” I look up from my laptop to look at Han. “Do you want to listen to the last song we were working on?” I nod and he hands me an earphone.

I’ve always enjoyed 3racha’s music, and the whole process they go through to make new songs. I find it very interesting how the three of them manage to synchronize and make such good music. Since I’ve always worked on songs by myself, I find it hard to work with other people.

“It’s really good!” I exclaim after hearing what they’ve got so far. “Now I need to listen to the whole thing.” I look at Han and he laughs.

“I will show you as soon as we finish it. I’m glad you liked it.” He hugs me. I’m so happy that I got paired with him to do this project. This has made me realize how well we work together, and how much I like spending time with him. Fuck Minho for hurting me and making me distance myself from this wonderful people.

“I should get going.” I separate myself from the hug and start putting my stuff back in my bag. He gets up and goes downstairs with me.

When we get to the living room, I see an orange ball of fur looking at us, sitting on the edge of the sofa. I immediately go over there to try and pet the little cat, and he lets me do that.

“Hello, tiny!” I say as I’m rubbing his fluffy head.

“That’s Soonie, it’s Minho’s cat.” I slowly turn around to face Han, my face holds so many emotions and I can see he’s feeling those emotions.

“Don’t look at me like that Jess. I know how you’re feeling but maybe you should let him talk to you.” Rage. Rage is all I can feel right now. Soonie jumps from the sofa he was sitting on to go somewhere else.

“I don’t want to hear anything he has to say, he already said enough a year ago. Don’t you remember?” I spit out my words. I can’t believe he’s saying this to me, he saw how bad Minho made me feel, he was there. I thought he was on my side.

“He’s changed, he’s trying to be a better person.” I roll my eyes at his words “I do remember, but he’s also my friend. He was not in the best place and that doesn’t justify what he did, but at least let him explain.” He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not my place to talk about this, this is between you and him. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Jess.” He comes closer and hugs me.

Tears start forming in my eyes and I start crying, I have too many feelings right now to know how to manage them. I just want to go home, get in my bed and curl into a ball.

“Thank you.” I sob.

He separates from me without breaking the hug. “For what?”

“I don’t know, for being here.” I keep silently crying. “This has been too much for me, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

The day of Yuna’s party arrives and we’re all very excited. I’ve been feeling so much better after going to Han’s. We ended up talking about a lot of stuff and spending the rest of the day together, and I felt so much better after getting everything out of my chest. Since then, we have been keeping up with each other more, I’ve been to his house more often and I’ve hung out with the boys. All of them except Minho. The third time I went to their house I started to wonder where he was, because it was weird how every time I was there he mysteriously was missing, I mean, is still his house and I thought I would come across him there.

Since that day I’ve been thinking about what Han told me about Minho, not believing him that much. Not wanting to. But the thought that he might actually have changed never left my mind. What if Han was right? What if the boy I felt for was really there? I think subconsciously I didn’t want my feelings hurt again and that’s the reason why I didn’t want to believe Han. But deep deep inside I wanted to.

The party was going to take place at Yuna’s place, so we get there two hours before to get everything ready. Lia and I start placing all the decorations while Yeji and Ryunjin take care of the food and drinks. Chae makes sure to take Yuna out of the house to buy a nice birthday dress and get her hair done. Yuna wants to be the prettiest girl at the party, she wants to impress Jeongin even more. Since the last party they’ve been hanging out together more than usual, and we tease Yuna so much about it. Just like the boys tease Jeongin.

After the place is all decorated and everything is ready for the party to start, Chae and Yuna arrive there. We then start getting ready just like we used to do when going to parties, blasting our favorite songs, and having a fun time together. At nine o’clock people start arriving to the party, Jeongin, Seungmin and Felix being the first ones to arrive. As time goes by more and more people start coming and we start drinking.

“Hey!” I turn around just to see Han and Changbin coming to the kitchen, where I was alone, refilling my cup. “Jess!” Changbin hugs me. He smells like alcohol and cologne. Han goes straight where the drinks are and starts refilling his drink and Changbin’s.

“Don’t you think he’s had enough?” I ask Han, pointing my head to Changbin. Han shrugs his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” He gives me a side hug after Changbin releases me.

I nod while sipping my drink. “I’m doing amazing. I’m having fun with my friends.” I sip my drink again. Well, maybe I’m also a bit tipsy.

Changbin goes back to the living room, Han and I stay in the kitchen for a bit longer, talking and laughing. I don’t really know what joke that I’m laughing about, or if I even understood it. But I’m having so much fun with him.

“I should probably go back with my friends.” I say between laughs. He simply nods and we both go back to the living room.

For the next hour I dance with my friends to every song playing, we take pictures, laugh and in that moment, I feel like I went back to last year when I became friends with them, and we will all go to all the parties that we got invited to. I’ve missed this feeling.

“I’m going to the balcony; I need some air.” I shout to Yeji, and she gives me a thumbs up as a response.

I try to get through the people to get to the balcony and once I get there, I see someone is sitting in one of the chairs there. I don’t pay much attention to who is it and I sit at the other end of the balcony. After a few minutes sitting there, relaxing, I feel the boy that was sitting there come closer to me.

“Hey.” He says in a soft voice, and I immediately recognize him. I slowly turn my head up to look at him just to confirm my thoughts.

“Minho…” I keep looking at him.

“Please before running away, I want to talk to you. You don’t have to answer, you don’t even have to listen. I just need to get it out of my chest.” He looks devastated, and I don’t know if it’s because of what Han told me or if it’s because I’ve been drinking all night and I’m letting my guards down. But I decided to give him an opportunity to talk. He sits next to me.

“Go ahead.” I turn my head back front and keep looking at the view. I don’t want to look him in the eyes while he talks.

“Uh… I… I just want to start saying I’m sorry.” He stops for a few seconds; I look at him for a brief moment and he’s also looking forward. “I’m sorry for what I said that night, I shouldn’t have told you that, it was so mean and I’m really sorry.” I hear him taking a deep breath. “I didn’t even mean those words I said, I wasn’t thinking. And I don’t want to justify myself for what I did, I just think you deserve an explanation.” I turn to look at him, my heart wanting to give him an opportunity, wanting to believe he had actually changed. But my mind is still resistant to believe it. “I wasn’t in the right place mentally and the alcohol didn’t help. I was being mean to everyone, and I wasn’t realizing it. Not until it was too late, and I hurt you.” I see a tear going down his cheek, my first instinct is to hug him, but I retract myself and I don’t do it. “All the boys talked with me that night and at first, I didn’t want to believe that something was wrong with me and that I was hurting people who loved me. After arguing with everyone, Han was the only one that kept trying to make me come to senses. And after a few weeks I reached out for help and started seeing a therapist. I’m still trying to be better, and that’s why I needed to apologize.”

We stay silent for a few minutes, not knowing what to say or do. He then looks at me and my heart hurts, I’ve never seen him like that. His eyes are red and swollen and tears are coming down nonstop. I feel bad for him, I don’t know what he has gone through or what got him into the place he was last year, but now I know it must have been hard for him.

“You don’t have to forgive me but thank you for listening to me.” Minho gets up from the chair and starts walking to the door.

 “Wait!” I get up from the chair and try to stop him from going back to the party. “Thank you.” We keep looking into each other's eyes for a few seconds, just before I break eye contact and get into the party again.

I don’t know how to feel, I don’t feel rage anymore, I even feel sorry for him. I’m starting to understand why he acted how he did, that doesn’t mean I forgave him, but at least I feel better after he apologized.

The last few weeks I’ve been meeting up with Minho and talking more with him. I’ve seen him more often at the house when we went there to hang out with the boys, and we’ve been talking about everything. It’s like we went back to the beginning of last year, but better.

Since Minho had started seeing a therapist, and he had progressed, it made things way easier. He would communicate his feelings and if he wasn’t having a good week, he would just say it.

And that led us to going out on a date. It all started because he invited me over to watch Felix, Hyunjin and him filming a dance they had to do for a class project.

“You’re staring.” I snap back and turn my head up to look at who was talking to me. Turns out it was Hyunjin that was taking a water break. “You can’t keep your eyes off him, right?”

I really couldn’t, he looked so good while dancing that I couldn’t stop staring. My brain was going numb watching him dance and I was having many thoughts I’ve never had about him before.

“You like what you see?” Minho smirks. I didn’t hear him coming where we were. He sits next to me and grabs his water bottle. I smack his arm in response.

I see Hyunjin leaving to join Felix at the other end of the room.

“We should go on a date.” What. I turn to look at Minho. I can’t believe he’s asking me on a date.

“Huh?” That’s all I can say.

He looks at me and smiles, “do you want to?”

Well of course I want to! But it caught me by surprise, and I don’t seem to find the words to express it.

“You can say no if you don’t want to.” He smiles. His stupid smile is making me not think straight.

“No! I mean yes! I do want to.” He laughs. “Don’t laugh!” I smack his arm once again.

I lock my phone and start getting ready for the date. I open my closet and stare at it for a good five minutes, not knowing what I should wear. We’re going to go to a restaurant for dinner, it’s not a bougie restaurant but I still want to wear something nice, but I don’t want to be overdressed. I end up choosing a cute but cozy outfit, I’m going to be wearing a nice black pleaded skirt with a white turtleneck. Since it is cold outside I’m wearing a pair of warm thighs and a pair of white leg warmers covering the black boots I decided on wearing.

I finish the final touches of my hair and makeup, grab my purse and go down the stairs of my building, since Minho has just texted me, he’s waiting for me outside.

As I’m going down the stairs, I start to feel nervous. It hasn’t hit me until now, seconds away from meeting him, that we’re actually going on a date. I check myself once more in the mirror that’s on the hall of the building, before going out.

What should I do? Do I hug him? God, I feel so nervous. “Hi!” He turns to look at me and immediately hugs me. He smells super nice.

“Hi. You look amazing Jess.” He separates himself from me. He looks so handsome. “Let’s go?” I can feel he’s also a little bit nervous and weirdly that calms me down a little.

The walk to the restaurant feels a bit awkward since none of us is saying anything. Once we arrive at the restaurant, we go to the table they’ve assigned. It’s a really nice restaurant, it looks fancy. We order our food and when the waitress leaves our table, make eye contact, without saying a word.

“Hey.” I chuckle. “Are you good? Is everything okay?” He nods.

“I feel like if I talk this moment will vanish.” He says softly and I blush at his words.

“I won’t go anyway.” I giggle and look down.

Why i’m i feeling so shy? I’ve gone on dates before and I liked other people but no one has made me feel like he’s making me feel right now, and he doesn’t even know it.

After that the date goes smoothly, jumping from topic to topic, laughing and enjoying our meal. As the time passed we started to feel more relaxed and more comfortable with each other.

I can’t keep my eyes off him, he looks so handsome, all I want to do is run my hands through his silky hair and hug him tightly. When he smiles he’s the cutest, he looks like a bunny and I can’t help but to smile back when I see him smiling.

We finish having dinner and after arguing on who’s going to pay he ends up winning. “I asked you on a date so it’s only fair that I pay.” He says while putting on his coat and I pout. We walk out of the restaurant.

“Can we go on a walk before going home? Please?” I ask, I don’t want this night to end, I want to be with him for a bit more. He agrees on that and we start to walk in no specific direction, wavering around the dimly lit streets, enjoying each other’s company without pronouncing a word.

His hand brushes against mine twice before I decide to take the lead and hold his hand. His thumb starts rubbing circles on the back of my hand. I start to feel my heart going faster at his actions. We keep walking for a bit, still in silence, until we both stop. At the same time. Like the universe deciding we need to take a step further. I look at him, having to look a bit up since he’s a little bit taller than me, and I find him already looking at me.

“Jess…” That’s all he says right before I stand on my tip toes and kiss him, just a little kiss on the lips. I couldn’t not do it, his look was saying many things.

Then he holds me by my waist and pulls me closer, my hands go to rest behind his neck, having to stand on my tip toes once again. I can only hear my heart aggressively pounding. I close my eyes as he makes me come closer to him, and our lips collide. I bury my hands on his soft hair. Finally. He licks my bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I pull his hair a little, earning a whimper. We separate after a while, when we feel like we need to breathe.

I look at him and I feel happy, like no one has ever made me feel before.

[silkgonerough]

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

[blue-pastel-cat]

Xiaobedo Fanfic Recommendation

Welcome to my personal “if you are new to xiaobedo peeps please read these” list. As said before this is my personal list so please feel free to reblog/comment/hit me for not including any gem here. I might miss a lot of them because I am drunk or blind. (mostly have them on my to read and then forgot as I am being assault by real life shit).

I would like to say first that so far there are 150+ Xiaobedo fics on Ao3. I can’t review all of them but I can say that I have read a majority of them. Most of them are just pure love and I would like nothing more than a thousands thank you for all the fic writers who spent their free time writting these gems for us to read for free. But these...these takes the cake as it finds a special landing spot in my heart that I would just thrust them into someone’s hand if they say “I am new to this ship can you recommend me?”

1. Orange dust by bobamilkteas (Wes)

In which Xiao learns to open himself up to the world a little more after the collapse of Rex lapis's contracts but it was not always easy for a soul doomed to eternal damnation. Meanwhile, Albedo liked to tempt fate where the extraordinary are concerned.

If only the traveler's comrades are made of saner bunch.

Comment: Long ago when I like both Albedo and Xiao as a character, I was wondering hmmm....will anyone actually even write about them lmao they never met each other. I am surprise to see this one as the 3rd fic in the whole 3 Xiaobedo fic on Ao3 (yeah back when there’s literally only 3 fic for this couple). I was like I’ll read it for the curiosity, I’ll probably won’t ship them. And that people is how I put my clown make up on my face upon finishing reading it. This ONE fic alone convert me into a devotee of Xiaobedo. Please consider joining me in this circus if you want to know what is Xiaobedo. I would put this as the first of my “Big 3″

Orange Dust also come with its compliation of short stories over the course of the game and a big sequel to it. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

2. Solar Wind by birdpriestess (Sparrow)

For the yaksha, his duty was his life, and his life was his duty. No human could ever hope to understand the eternal war he fought out of sight and in silence.

So why, then, did he feel that Albedo would understand?

---

Finding himself at death's door once more, Xiao is saved by a surprising person, setting off the unlikeliest of adventures.

Comment: Do you like crying? Do you like the feeling of getting your heart ripped into pieces as the author destroy your emotions over the end of each chapter as the story picked up the climax? Yeah, this one is for you masochists. The action, the characterisation, the drama THE EMOTIONS OH WOW. I kid you not that it was so good I read this while workinng when I am not suppose to me. Also, this fic has my favourite characterisation of Gold ever. I love that dramatic queen Mad Alchemist. AND DAIN. I LOVE DAIN IN THIS FIC. Our dearest Sparrow manage to toy with our feelings like how I bully ruin guard for big numbers lmao. This is the secound of “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list.

Again, just like Orange Dust, Solar Wind comes with its own compliation of short stories of what came after that. Please also consider reading ALL OF THEM.

3. Castle of Glass by AlchemicalStardust (Morgie) 

A black shadow rises over Huaguang Stone Forest. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, Albedo flees the shaking ground and the crash of boulders tumbling form the sky. As the dust settles, Albedo finds a young man – an Adeptus – amidst the carnage. Despite the karmic agony ripping his body from the inside, Xiao’s only question is “How?” How did a human survive after witnessing his battle?

Comment: The last of the “Big 3″ of my Xiaobedo list. And it is still on going! Castle of Glass? More like I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS! Have you read a fic about 2 people yearning, longing, reaching out for each other so damn well that you just want to throw your phone in the air as they both had their impending doom coming down upon them? Yeah this is one of them. You will like want to be stuck in the moment they express how much they just yearn for each other’s love and care that you want to shake the author for what comes next. Like...everytime Morgie update I am expressing my gratitude at the end of the chapter by writing on Xiaobedo discord “MORGIE COME HERE AND LET ME BONK YOU WHY ARE YOU ENDING IT THERE”

trust me when you read you will def feel the same. With just Big 3 and their compliation alone that would give you like a LONG list of reading already LMAOOOOOOO

4. Find a place to call it home  by yamajiroo 

Our room, he said. Xiao’s brow twitches. Zhongli never said anything about this. But then again, perhaps he should anticipate this from the beginning...

Xiao looks over at Albedo, who is now tilting his head, his look as innocent as ever.

“Are you not okay with sharing a room?”

Comment: College AU for Xiaobedo! One thing that I love this is the slow burn and what made me LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic more is how cute Klee is in this fic. Their relationship in this one is very simple, but that simplicity highlight why their chemistry work. Xiao is someone who was just very gentle, who was largely misunderstood by his lonesome nature. Albedo was someone who like peace and quite in his introvert bubble. And how they respect that bubble that each other has actually made their relationship work. I love it when fic highlight this and this one captures it.

5. I Can't See Your Face From the Other Side of the Classroom by MissWeaver  

When Albedo and Xiao unexpectedly start eating lunch together, they begin to find that they have more in common than anyone would have realized. They both struggle in their own ways with blossoming feelings, too many assignments, and annoying classmates as they navigate a relationship for the first time.

Comment: I’ll be honest, I usually hate high school au just because its so cliche. I don’t even watch and drama/anime surrounds high school student anymore LMAOOO (unless it’s very good). So if there’s an high school AU that I actually keep come back and read after a couple of chapters, it means that the cliche that I hate wasn’t there or barely was there at all. The pinning in this fic makes me want to bang their head together sometimes LMAOOO The tag wasn’t kidding when they said both Xiao and Albedo are bad at feelings. Also that’s a lot of heart broken caused by these two idiots XD

6. new world, same me, same bullshit  by  bobamilkteas (Wes)

At the belly of Dragonspine, Albedo lost control to the festering corruption that permeated his senses and watched, from the recesses of his mind, as his devoured body turned his allies into enemies. Before his rampage reached its climax, he is sealed in a crystalized confinement by the last hand of Reindottir, where he then reawakens centuries after, in a rebooted Teyvat.

Comment: Yeah I know it was list in Orange Dust but here me out. This sets out in an entirely different universe. And if you like Polyamory, this one has Zhongli joining the duo and I love it because I also love ZhongXiao with my life. Time Travel is my biggest kink. Especially when I am the person who love it when people explore Archon War era/ Alatus!Xiao. So this one hits double of my kink. Of course it is still on going and I will bully Wes whenever I can to see that new chapter. Albedo is a total fucking badass in this story and I completely agree from using him in Abyss so often. Everyone should write badass Albedo.

7. misplaced heart of mine by  inkburn           

“If you are ill, then you should be resting at home. In Mondstadt.” He emphasized Mondstadt with a pointed look in his direction.

“I assure you I won’t be troublesome, Adeptus Xiao,” Albedo said, “You’ll find I’m a rather low-maintenance traveler.”

“Travel,” Xiao scoffed, “without airstep?”

Albedo looked him up and down. “Are your legs just for decoration?”

(albedo is sent to liyue on mandatory vacation. xiao is his unfortunate bodyguard.)

Comment: Most of the time you will see Albedo and Xiao starting their relationship with one of them taking interest in another. But this one took another approach, they starting off by make them hating each other’s guts LMAOOOO and I live for every second of it. There’s only 1 chapter so far but wow it was SOOO GOOD. I am really really excited for next chapter and is waiting patiently ;w;

8.  Blossom of Grace  by birdpriestess  

One day in Liyue Harbor, Albedo watches a street performance by an enigmatic dancer named Xiao. And he becomes completely obsessed.

Comment: Have you ever look at Xiao fight and thinking that he’s one of the most beautiful deadly thing ever? How it was like he was dancing around the battlefield? How about actual dancer Xiao being so absolutely beautiful and perfect and that slow burn of Albedo falling in love with that beauty with a touch of Modern AU and cute Ganyu as the Wing woman. Yes, Sparrow delivers yet again another beautiful slow burn and while it’s still ongoing it is worth the read.

9. i think we could make this work (could get used to this) by outspaced               

“Xiao? What are you doing out here?”

“I—”

“It’s raining,” Albedo says, as if it isn’t obvious. “You could get struck by lightning.”

“What are you doing out here then?” Xiao does the only thing he knows how to do, he challenges Albedo. “It’s raining.”

Albedo just hums. “If I get struck by lightning, it’s for science.”

Comment: A short one-shot where I read the summary and went “This is it... this is their relationship.” I am sold immediately. Oh god Albedo why are you like this.

10. Ephemeral by criedprinz        

“It’s not for your investigation, is it?” Aether asked mildly.

Albedo traced a finger around the sketchbook, considering the question. “No,” he admitted finally. “I... I just want to see them again.”

He opened the sketchbook to reveal the drawing he’d just finished. Aether nodded, clearly recognizing the sharp golden eyes.

“Xiao,” he said. “You were rescued by an adeptus.”

When a visit to Dragonspine goes horribly wrong, Albedo is rescued by an unknown stranger, wielding powers he's never heard of. Led on a search to find out who it is, he finds himself in the middle of an unforgettable encounter..

Comment: A really really well written one-shot that I love. The yearning oh godddd the yearning from Albedo side is just so so much that I have to put it here. (I think you can see the trend here lmao. I am a sucker for yearning). And the moment they get to meet each other again is just chef kiss. MWHAA

11. Idle Yaksha, Brilliant Yaksha by Pit0fTheEarth

Alatus didn’t have a lot of responsibilities to keep. He spent most of his days dancing across the sky and eating away all nightmares that plagued a person’s sleep.

But one fortunate encounter led to too many unfortunate ones, taking his carefree existence and plunging it in darkness. His wings, stripped from him. His gentle touch, replaced by an unforgiving grip of destruction.

There was a lot of blood on his hands. With each passing moment, it became harder for Alatus to recall the last time someone gently held him.

Comment: This is one of the ongoing fic where I am very very much excited on the take of Naberius. And the way the author portray Xiao when he’s still the innocent Alatus is just *clench fist*. Baby ;w; Baby why do you have to lose all that innocence. Also the fic has long LONG flashback to Xiao past and his relationship with Naberius. We are unwielding more what happened to both of them and why perhaps does this have to do with Albedo.

That’s it for now, might add more later! Thank you <3

[naomana]

Hai, could I please request " stay on your side, or so help me god, i will set this bed on fire. " with Paulie and Sammy? It's okay if you don't (✿◠‿◠).

Full prompt list here

“ stay on your side, or so help me god, i will set this bed on fire. “ Paulie/Sam (´⌣`ʃƪ)

Firstly I'm sorry it took a while, I was in bad spot at the time of request and since this is one of the positive prompts, I had to get better first.

Secondly I'm mostly writting M2 so apologies if I messed up their characters and it's not to your liking (/ω＼)

It was a long day. And everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. From the thing that bothered him the least; like the heavens crashing above their heads, pouring icy cold water to the ground- to his partner being Paulie, which bothered him only slightly, thanks to his lousy mouth. But the thing that really made him so pissed off was the fact their job didn't go as planned, they lost their car and were stuck at the countryside with two options- walk all the way back to the city, getting soaked to the bones, or find shelter to wait for the rain to settle down.

"We could just-"

"Don't talk Paulie." He didn't want to hear anything and shivered into his soaked suit jacket, offering him absolutely no warmth whatsoever. Paulie paused for a second, thinking about it but then spoke again.

"I just wanted to-"

"I said don't talk."

"Will you let me speak? There's a building over there." Paulie pointed the direction and Sam stopped, looking that way. He felt pretty stupid for not letting him speak for once. He was just tired, cold and all he wanted was to get home, soak in hot bath and sleep. All Paulie wanted to do was talk, naturally he'd try to shut him up.

"Oh." He said drily and followed Paulie towards the building. It was tiny old farmhouse with smashed windows and walls falling apart, it must have been abandoned a while ago. Paulie opened the door and looked around one small room with one bed in the corner, big enough for both of them if they had to stay the night. Sam looked over his shoulder and expressed his dissapointment with sigh. Wind was getting through the broken windows, the rain found it's way inside through holes in the roof, but it was still better than standing directly in the rain. It was good enough to provide shelter for the moment.

"This will do." Sam muttered and Paulie headed to the bed to have a look at it.

"Haha we're lucky. Even got sheet."

"You must be as dumb as sack of hammers if you think I'd lay in that." Sam pointed out the state of the bed and shivered again.

"Hey, I have an idea. We take off our clothes and snuggle here to keep warm." Paulie said enthusiastically and started to undress his soaked clothes.

"I'd prefer to stay in the rain." Said Sam and Paulie looked at him, standing there only in his undies.

"You'll catch a death like that, Sammy. Lemme help you." Paulie approached him and unbuttoned his suit jacket, Sam slapped his hands away and looked at him angrily.

"Let me be."

"What's wrong with you all the times? Nothin' is ever good enough for you."

"I have standards, Paulie. Laying in old, dirty godknowsifnot bug infested bed, half naked with another guy, isn't it."

Paulie dropped his shoulders and let him be, getting into the bed without a single problem with it. He felt a lot warmer than before. Sam was shivering in his wet clothes, watching Paulie looking better, his tremble was almost gone and he gave it a second thought. What else could he do? He was really cold.

He pulled his jacket and shirt off of his shoulders and let his pants drop to the floor, before he pushed on Paulie's back.

"Move. And stay on your side, or help me God, I WILL set this bed on fire. With you in it." He mumbled and covered himself with disgusting sheet, feeling somewhat warmer.

Paulie didn't say anything, clearly understanding the message and Sam buried himself deeper into the sheet, still shivering and his teeth clicking. He was honestly considering the snuggle Paulie offered before, but his stubborness wouldn't allow him to turn around and spoon that dumbass behind him.

So he just stayed like that, getting colder again as the first feeling of dry and 'warm' sheet disappeared. He felt the bed moving and felt something warm pressing against his back. He looked over his shoulder to see Paulie pressing his back against him, waiting for response. He was clearly cold himself and wanted to get warm, but Sam's threats made him reconsider.

And Sam didn't want to feel any colder and sighed, turning aroud to see Paulie doing the same; they didn't have to say anything to both understand. Two big bright eyes looking at Sam, making him feel flustered and his big warm hands immediately wrapped around him, pulling him closer.

"You ever mention this to anyone and you're dead." Sam murmured and gave into the warm embrace, feeling the other man's heartbeat going at fast speed. It was.. soothing.

"Not a word Sammy."

[annebaneriddle]

About the Anthony Mackie thing:

That was a really valid point. The feitisization of homosexual relationships (both wlw and mlm) is huge and really harmfull. Some people only want to use lgbt relationships for their own personal gains (industries using them to get money and people using them to masturbate or some shit like that), HOWEVER there are some lgbt people who use shipping as a form to get the representation they don't get on canon, specially when it comes to Marvel, that has a really big history of zero representation to lgbt people, queerbaited a lot on ther movies (and even used the theory of Bucky being bi because of the tigger photos he saw on the dating app as an opportunity to use lgbt people to their own profit with the "watch and see" bullshit only to on the very next week after the last episode go and say "Oh, no, it was only Bucky being clueless abiut technology" when the show itself showed he wasn't at all) and had the audacity to announce their "first gay character" only to give us fucking gay Joe Russo. There is no harm on seeking for representation on such a big fanchise as Marvel, on wanting an lgbt superhero, just like there is no harm on women and POC wanting their representation too. The thing is that sometimes they end up having to make that representation themselves, and they use fanfics and fanarts for that. Writing Peter Parker trans, writing Carol a lesbian, writing Steve as bi, writing Bucky as bi. That's totally ok.

The feiticization of lgbt peolple, as I said, is real and harmfull, but that shouldn't mean that lgbt people can't want some representation. Anthony fought to have a black man as Cap, and lgbt people have the right to fight to have one of them being portrayed as a hero too, not only as the queercoded villain.

I undertand why Anthony must be feeling umcomfortable. After all, Sam's relationship with Bucky was portrayed just like his own relationship with Sebastian, so it's undertandable that he might feel like that. HOWEVER, we have to keep in mind that someone assuming you (or the character you play, on this situation), a man, are gay only makes you uncomfortable because society teached people that being gay is shamefull, is a bad thing.

Yes, men who are friends and are caring and are caring and loving with each other are often said to be gay, BUT let's remind that it existed WAY before the shipping culture on internet. The fact that men aren't allowed to be vulnerable, caring and gentle comes from the patriarchy, not from the shipping culture or from lgbt people. It comes from the sexist idea that men have to be tough, that they aren't allowed to show physical affection to other men, that they aren't allowed to cry. THAT is from where the "a man can't show affection to other man or otherwise he is gay" idea comes from. Put the blame where it really belongs.

I saw people saying "We shouldn't be writting straigh characters as gay for representation. We already have our own characters on media" and I was like "Who, honey? The gay (either male or female) side character who is the comic releaf and extremely stereotyped? The trans- oh, yeah, neverming, trans people don't even get representation enough to creat the media stereotype. And the bi- oh, yeah, never saw any either. Oh, ok, maybe the aroaces- nyah, not them either". The only "representation" lgbt people get is 90% of the time blunt stereotyping. It's ok to "steal" some characters from the straights to make headcanons and fanfics to have some representation even if just made up. Don't let anyone shame you for wanting to see a hero like you on-screen. Women have that right, POC have that right, the lgbt community have that right, EVERYONE have that right.

I also want to say that there is NO excuse for the people being racist towards him, the same way that there is no excuse for the people defending him by using homophobic language, using the word queer when they are not lgbt themselves and harassing lgbt people who felt hurt by the way he worded it.

He had a really good point and he was totally right about what he meant to say, he just worded it bad.

And no, keyboard warriors, stop saying that every lgbt person feeling hurt by the way that he worded what he meant is because they're racist. The fact that he is black doesn't make the fact that the way he said that hurt some people (specially because it's pride month) magically go away. And no, I'm not saying that what he said was homophobic, because it wasn't at all. I just wanted to point out that there are some people acting like that and it isn't how things should work. A POC shouldn't get away with being lgbtphobic just because they're POC, the same way a lgbt person shouldn't get away with being racists just because they are lgbt (again, I DO NOT think he is homophobic. Just pointing it out here). As we say in Brazil: let's not use two weights to the same measure (the "measure" here is the prejudice, just so no one will misinterpret me).

Also, I really want to thank him for making the real homophobes and the racists on this app out themselves. It's suddenly so easy to spot them.

[the-fourth-knower]

Diary of a lost doe, part 1

A short fic where my character Annabelle writes in diaries

Fresh off losing her parents, Annabelle Flaches must contend with trying to fend for herself and her baby sister Angelica. And with Angelica talking to a mysterious green orb when she thinks Annabelle isn’t watching, things are only at the tip of the iceberg.

This is for me and Aquillis’s “half and half” AU, our ‘main’ AU. not to be confused with Aqui’s pack universe which is her underground re-write.

Due to the length I'm splitting this into two parts. This is part 1, part 2 is here!

Diary Enry 1, Day I dunno.

Okay here it is. First diary entry I guess. Gotta keep it brief, writing instruements are hard.

Been a few months since that day. We’re doing fine. Angie started another garden. Moved to a new spot.

Got some new things for the house. Old car door and a tire. Not sure what I’ll do with the tire gonna use the door as part of wall.

Finished roof this morning. Good thing 2, might rain.

Angie still sleps bad if not next to me. Writing while she’s curled up. Wasn’t for scars on ear and having to sleep in same clothes she’d look like we’re still home.

Gotta sleep now.

Diary Entry 2

Maybe got a job. Illegal probs but $ is $

Angelica talked more today. Good sign? Maybe she relapses back into not talking but progress.

I never thought i’d miss her annoying stupid “hey lets go explore a cave and not tell anyone bout what we’ll do” self. Never thought about losing mum and pa ei

Shit crying. Bye.

Diary entry 3

Diary didn’t get too wet yesterday.Don’t think bout mom and pa it ends badly.

I can’t afford to break down even if Angie’s sleeping

If I break down then Angie will get upset

I won’t put her through it

I won’t

…

Diary entry 54

Had to leave town but am 600 $ richer

Angie’s quiet again. But she didn’t complain bout us leavin

gonna go for a city maybe. more risk but more money and places to live.

Jadetown’s the city. Dunno too much bout it but mum liked it.

Should get there in maybe a cuple weeks or so

Angie’s sound asleep. No kicking or anything so that’s good

Hope the city’s okay. Angie hates crowds.

Need somewhere with not a lot of crowds to live at

…

Diary Entry 63

Been a hot second. Settling in Jadetown’s pretty hard.

Find a quiet spot in the slums. Pretty shitty now, but the two of us can make it work

Angie still isn’t talking, but she kept close to me while we made our way through the crowds. She seemed fine as long as she held my hand

Lost her a couple times, but not for long. She seemed upset bout it.

Sorry Angie.

I’ll do better. I promise.

...

Diary Entry 169 (it’s the morning but fuck it)

The nightmare happened again.

Angelica having her ear scared by those monsters. mum and pa being taken away in exchange for us being set loose

Only it loops around and around before it’s just cries and blood and knives and screams and crying and they’re all surrounding me judging me for just failing everyone because you’re a fucking failure

Haven’t had it a while. Don’t upset yourself, Angie needs you.

Diary entry 169? Night

Angelica almost killed some street thugs.

we caught some dumbass looking punks bullying some sort of chao. I think it’s a chao

I ran up to one like an idiot and gout in their face to know what they’re doin, and the things went dark. I got knocked out on my ass, apparenlty the big brute that led them butted me in the head. Asshole didn’t even let me get ready

I came to to Angie trying to shake me awake. When I looked around the punks were gone, there were plant vines all over, and the other kids that had gathered were a mix of crapped their pants and mouths on the floor

I asked angie bout it and she just said she took care of them and that the punks had run off

What the hell did she do? Usually I’m the one saving her? But she was having none of it today.

Oh the chao’s fine, weirdass chao though. Never seen chao that just cause flowers to grow around them or in their footsteps.

Made 30 $

Rib’s hurting and headache, Angie fast asleep. Time for bed.

Diary Entry 170

Chao’s bak.

Visited Angie’s garden for a while watchin me watchin it. It waved and left right around Angie gettin up.

Showed up again when we got back home. Angie hasn’t seen it yet. Good thing, she wanted to bring it with us. We can’t afford three mouths.

I don’t like it. We save its ass and now its stalking us.

Made nothin.

Ribs hurt less. Still a bitch.

Diary entry 171

Angie’s found the “chao”

She talked to it all morning when she thought i was napping. Couldn’t sleep, too afraid of bad dreams.

It doesn’t make chao sounds. Or it does but really weird ones.

Then it turned a green light ball for a bit and back into a chao

Angie liked that.

I don’t trust it. Even less.

Need to watch it.

Angie’s relaxed.

Made 5$.

Diary Entry 172 morn

Nightmare again

Diary Entry 172 night

Angie got excited, claimed that she “found Trevor”

he lived near us back in our old home

Had to tell her no, every red mouse we see is not Trevor.

She says that Trevor and his family were gonna move here, pretty inistent too.

Man she gets caught up on the smallest things

Made 20$

Diary Entry 173

Chao returned while i was working. Left Angie on her own

Shes seemed like she was having a fun time being able to talk with someone

She’s not made friends much. Maybe i’m being too hard on the ‘chao’

Still gotta watch it. It could be manipulating her

Haven’t told her I know bout the chao yet.

Should i?

Not now. Angelica is sleeping.

Made 5$

Diary Entry 174

‘Trevor’ spotting 2. Angie wanted to go bug the person. So we went and sure enough as we got closer Angie changed her mind. It was a rat, not a mouse she said.

How can she tell the difference?

No Angie and chao visit. Unless it was while i slept in. but why would she be secretive bout it?

Saw the punk bitch again today. Looked like he crapped his pants when he saw Angie and she glared at him. That’s my sister.

Made 60$

…

Diary Entry 364

Got a new diary. Last entry for this one. Things going well. Got a good thing going for myself.

Angie found a new plant today, and now she’s got it in her garden.

Loved the look on her face when I got it for her.

Made 50$

Angelica’s chatted with the Chao again. Sort of like, is her guardian I think. Or is that its name

Guess good bye diary 1. Really weird to do but it feels right.

Angie’s sleeping well enough on her own. She mumbles but that seems it.

Do I do a good job keeping her safe

Diary 2 Entry 1

Managed to find a new diary. Keeping the old one just cause, and because I have the storage. For a couple of street bum does, we’ve got a decent enough house going. Been able to put it together from bits and bobs lying around, Angie even threw in her hat and added her own touches.

Looks ugly as hell with the plants holding things together and it’s all a mish mash of junk and crap I found, but it’s our mishmash of junk and crap.

Also saved up enough and am making enough to afford more than one pen and even some pencils. So I can write more often. Just felt like writing

Angie’s started to get more vocal again. I think she’s catching onto the fact the way I’ve been making money is less than honest a lot of the time.

I’m not going to sell myself for it though. I’m not degrading myself with that and nayone who fucking tries is going to a hospital.

And if any of those freaks dare go near Angie there won’t be enough left for a morgue to pick up.

Oh, and the chao’s still around. I can feel it. Angelica loves it, I think. I don’t trust it entirely, yet. But, it hasn't been a danger for the past months. So I think it’s actually a good thing.. Angie calls it Guardian. Maybe it's our own Guardian Angel.

Made 65$ today.

Good journal entry me. You got talkative. Writative? Whatever.

...

Diary 2 Entry 23

Got into a fight today, that was fun. The punks from when I helped save Guardian decided to jump me when Angelica was at the house. Guess they figured they could jump me without little sis to back me up. Too bad for them, when I don’t get suckered I’m damn good at defending myself. Sent them packing. Got a bit bruised. Why is it always the ribs with those guys.

Admittedly. I didn’t have to beat the crap out of them. But talk shit get hit, I say. They shouldn’t have been trash talking me when I was walking by.

-

Angelica was upset when I got back. Should’ve expected that, really. Don’t know why I didn’t think she would notice me being hurt, she’s got a sixth sense for that sort of thing. Always has. Kinda weird.

But, she did try and heal me a bit. Somehow, she’s gotten better at it -Ever since she's met Guardian, she’s gotten more control over that healing ability she has. I just need to make sure she doesn’t overdo herself again.

I don’t know anything much bout healing magic or whatever it is, but I don’t think what Angie has is normal. I think she uses herself for it. Whatever healing she tries to do just eats away at her. And whatever it was was enough to frighten Pa to move us in the first place

-

I think part of me might blame ANgie for it. For getting us out of the safety of where we lived near Agateton and moving.

But if we didn’t move would we really have been safe still. And it wasn’t Angie’s fault she did what she did, it was Pa who pushed for it and Mum who went with it.

So do I blame them? I don’t want to. The monsters that took them and hurt Angie are the ones to blame.

But they wouldn’t have found us if we didn’t move near that forest. But Mum and Pa couldn’t have seen it coming.

Ugh. brain hurts. Fuck this mind screw bullshite

Spent 123.54$ today. Groceries and supplies. Tampons are stupid expensive but I want to have a decent supply for when we need them. Also some food.

Made 13$. Gonna need to work more to recoup.

No idea if Angie talked with Guardian. She still thinks I don’t know anythin bout it.

At least, I think she doesn’t. She gets defensive and acts like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

I wonder why she does that. Wonder if it’s tied with how I react to her saying she’s found Trevor for the umpteenth time.

Maybe I should press her bout it. But I don’t want to get her worked up over nothin.

Okay that’s enough, my mind’s getting wandering now and I stay up if I do that.

...

Diary 2 Entry 54

Someone showed up with a bunch of robots earlier. Cause quite the commotion, sent people running, the usual.

Apparently he set up shop in the rich quarter and is causing all sorts of troubles. People have been coming to and fro a lot the past few days.

Angie got worried over explosions. Had to calm her down, explain that whatever it was probably wasn’t coming here. She asked me bout the people there and if they needed help - told her that someone would take care of the rich fops. That’s what they do after all. Who gives a shit about two practically orphaned kids.

Not sure if she bought it. Gotta keep an eye on her. Might need to pull an all nighter.

And we don’t have any energy drinks or coffee. I could go grab one, no one is gonna give a shit if I do, not in this current environment.

Gotta stop for now. Gotta focus on Angie not some stupid book.

Entry 55

Angie’s missin

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[fireinmywoods]

the heart of the matter (is Leonard McCoy)

Followers...friends. I come to you today, hat in hand, to ask for your support in a certain fandom matter, a trifling concern of little real consequence which nevertheless has been driving me absolutely cross-eyed bonkers for some years now.

Simply put: can we please all agree that Bones is the heart of the Enterprise???

In AOS, I mean. I’m not aware of any debate over this when it comes to TOS, where the roles of the triumvirate have always been explicit, though there are a few different ways to identify them:

Spock = logos = superego = head

Bones = pathos = id = heart

Kirk = ethos = ego = soul

So clear! So clean! So universally accepted by Trek fandom at large!

Oh, but things get murkier in AOS, and there are plenty of posts floating around which suggest that it’s Kirk, not McCoy, who serves as the heart in the Kelvin timeline. Even the writers of the first two AOS films have outright stated that their interpretation of the triumvirate had the original roles switched, with Kirk as the highly emotional one and McCoy as the arbiter between Kirk’s passion and Spock’s logic. It’s true that this technically counts as a Word of God pronouncement by the actual creators of 2/3 of the series thus far, which some would argue renders it canon. However, it’s equally true that those same creators also felt that Kirk was a fuckboi and that Benedict Cumberbatch wonderfully embodied their vision for Khan Noonien Singh, so honestly, who gives a hot hollerin’ fuck what those dingdongs think. This seems as justified a time as any to invoke Death of the Author, and in fact, it’s my firm belief that despite the writers’ intentions, Star Trek and Into Darkness both support the original triumvirate breakdown.

Under the cut you’ll find a long-winded and self-indulgent ~*~character analysis~*~ of the Kelvin-timeline incarnations of Jim Kirk and Leonard “Bones” McCoy, reviewing why Leonard is still unmistakably the heart, unpacking what the hell Jim’s deal is, and finally taking a look at some key examples from canon, because ya girl believes in showing her work.

Let’s get down to business.

[A quick warning, as this is starting to spread beyond my own followers: if you don’t like McKirk as a romantic pairing, you ain’t gonna like part IV, so I’d bow out before then or just take your leave now.]

i. Leonard

Independent of Jim’s characterization, it should be blindingly obvious that Leonard is the heart. He’s by far the most nakedly emotional of our seven core crew members, a trait we see writ large and small throughout the films. He’s reactive; he’s passionate; he’s humane. He cares, first and foremost.

Not about Starfleet, of course. Leonard doesn’t give a damn about playing the game or advancing his career, or even really about the Enterprise’s mission - he has no desire to explore strange new worlds, he’ll pass on seeking out new life and new civilizations, and he spends half his time trying to convince everyone else that boldly going where no man has gone before is a great way to die horribly. Fuck exploration, fuck space, and fuck the Federation while we’re at it. Leonard is perhaps the most improbable of the Enterprise’s senior officers for the simple reason that he seems to resent everything about the job.

Well. Almost everything.

See, what Leonard cares about is people. He cares about their lives, about their stories, about their hopes and dreams, about their suffering. That’s why he entered and has stayed in an extremely taxing caring profession, and it’s why he’s still on the Enterprise despite his incessant bitching about everything they do. He wouldn’t trust anyone else to take care of the crew he’s become so attached to, and he finds fulfillment in helping the people they encounter out there in the nightmare of space.

In every timeline, Leonard McCoy defines himself by what he can do for others: the pain he can ameliorate, the wounds he can heal, the diseases he can cure, the small amounts of good he can bring to a galaxy filled with so much absolute horseshit. Unlike most of his colleagues, he’s not motivated by curiosity or an adventurer’s spirit or a burning desire to make sense of the universe. (Fuck the universe, too, as a matter of fact.) Instead, he’s driven by the incredible depths of his compassion and empathy and concern for the people he serves alongside and those they meet along the way.

Sure sounds like the heart to me.

ii. Jim

I actually totally get why some people characterize Kelvin-timeline Jim as the heart. He’s quite literally a different man than the original timeline’s Kirk, and he definitely has more of the pathos qualities to him. Early on, he’s a total spitfire, fierce and hot-blooded, quick to anger and other sharp-edged emotions we’re not used to associating with James T. Kirk. Even as he grows into himself and leaves some of those traits behind, he remains spontaneous, passionate, protective, and self-sacrificing - easy enough to mistake for the heart if you squint.

But let’s not confuse having a heart for being the heart. Sure, Jim is more openly emotional and reactive than his TOS counterpart, but there’s still a marked difference between the way he and Leonard express and act on their emotions.

AOS Jim definitely has a lot of feelings - big ones - but at the end of the day, he’s not driven by his heart. He’s driven by his gut.

Whenever there’s trouble, Jim makes a beeline right for the center of it. He’s impulsive as hell, rarely pausing to think past his first instinct, because he just wants to be doing something, no matter the odds, no matter what it costs him. He explicitly calls himself out on this in ST:ID when arguing with Spock: “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I only know what I can do.” He doesn’t have the patience or the constitution to sit and debate all the options, either internally or with his crew. If there’s a path forward from where he is, even a bad one, Jim’s gonna take it.

[Sidebar: One could make the case that the roots of Jim’s instinct to act reach back to his childhood traumas - canonically ignored abuse and neglect on the one hand, and the Tarsus IV famine and massacre on the other - but that’s a whole post on its own and we ain’t got all day here.]

Jim can’t not act, and while that gets him into a lot of trouble, it also saves lives. Sulu probably appreciated that Jim’s gut drove him to leap off Nero’s drilling platform without a moment’s hesitation after a man he’d only just met. He may have been a real shithead about it, but Jim’s impassioned insistence on going after the Narada and not wasting time on the possibility of a better option was key to saving Pike and Earth itself. And I don’t know why Spock was so surprised that Jim intervened to save him on Nibiru, considering that the reason they were there in the first place was because Jim couldn’t sit back and watch the Nibirans die when there was something his crew could do to help them, even if it meant risking a violation of the Prime Directive.

Jim is a good man with a big heart, and he cares about people, absolutely. But he cares most of all about Doing The Right Thing - which in the heat of the moment often translates to Doing Something, Anything, Hold My Beer.

iii. heart vs. gut (i.e., time for some receipts)

I think one of the main reasons Leonard and Jim’s characterizations get confused is because they both tend to act on instinct, only lightly informed by higher reasoning. However, I’d argue that their motivations and the nature of those actions are super distinct, and those distinctions remain relatively consistent throughout all three films. (And y’all know I really mean this shit if I’m out here calling ST:ID consistent.)

Jim is a big picture guy, figuratively and often literally heaving himself full-body into the mix of whatever problem the crew has encountered for lack of any better alternative. That energy propels the plots of all three films: the chaotic path he carves through the events of Star Trek and ST:ID, and the slightly calmer but still undeniably bananas course he charts for himself and his crew in the second half of Beyond.

As the heart, Leonard operates on a more micro level. His concern invariably lies with the individual people caught up in those grand events Captain Chaos is busy dragging them all through. While Jim’s zooming around flipping plot switches, Leonard can always be counted on to bring it back to the personal.

We frequently see this juxtaposed right there on film. Think of that slow pan through medbay in the first movie after the Narada’s ambush and the destruction of Vulcan: while Jim is stewing over what to do about the Big Bad, Leonard has stepped into the CMO role without fuss or fanfare to care for the wounded crew and traumatized survivors.

Or jump ahead to Beyond: during Krall’s attack on the Enterprise, there’s a gorgeous cinematic shot of Jim sprinting down the corridor with two crew members to take on the invaders - and then we cut to Leonard moving slowly through those same ghastly red-lit corridors, searching for casualties in need of help, visibly affected by what his scanner is telling him about the downed crewman he tries to save.

Actually, Beyond as a whole does terrific justice to each of their roles. (Perhaps because it was not written by dingdongs.) The first act finds Jim flailing around for a sense of purpose and forward momentum - an understandable consequence of a gut-driven character having stalled out for too long - and he ultimately gets his mojo back by spending the rest of the film careening through one insane seat-of-his-pants ploy after another. Meanwhile, in the quieter moments between all the mayhem, Leonard serves as the empathetic sounding board for both Jim and Spock as they struggle with deep emotionally charged secrets and Big Life Questions, helping them untangle their feelings and reminding them of the emotional attachments which are ultimately key to their respective decisions to stay on the Enterprise.

More examples, you say? Don’t mind if I do!

Star Trek

GUT: Jim hurtles around the Narada, improvising almost every step of the way and paying the price for his and Spock’s scheme in bodily harm, and ultimately succeeds in rescuing Pike. HEART: Leonard calls out for Jim as he runs into the transporter room, overwhelmed with relief that he’s made it back, and takes Chris Pike’s weight literally and figuratively onto his own shoulders to begin healing him while Jim runs back off to the center of the action.

Star Trek: Into Darkness

GUT: Jim argues with Leonard, Spock, and Scotty in quick succession as he’s preparing to drag them all off to Qo’noS, immune to their attempts to reason with him because, unraveled as he is by grief and pain, he can only focus on his visceral drive to Do Something. HEART: Unlike the others, Leonard is upset not about the larger moral questions of whether it’s right to go after John Harrison or bring torpedoes aboard the ship, but about the fact that Jim himself is hurt and hurting and won’t accept help.

GUT: Jim makes a snap decision to sacrifice himself by hurling his body against the warp core to realign it and save his crew. HEART: Shellshocked by the emotional grenade of his best friend’s death, Leonard suddenly realizes, through the haze of his own numbness and upswelling grief, that he might still be able to do something for this lonely radiation-ravaged body he’s been brought and the life it represents.

Star Trek Beyond

GUT: At the tail end of an improvised plan to out-maneuver Kalara, Jim quite literally shoots first and asks questions later, igniting a fuel tank and setting off an explosive series of events which he and Chekov just barely escape. HEART: The next time we see Leonard, Spock is opening up to him about Ambassador Spock’s death and his own plan to leave Starfleet for New Vulcan - and while he’s empathetic toward Spock (I can’t imagine what that must feel like), Leonard’s thoughts go immediately to the emotional impact of Spock’s plan on the other people he’s closest with. (I can see how that would upset [Nyota]. / I can tell you, [Jim]’s not gonna like that.)

GUT: Jim frantically strains to reach the final switch in the life support hub, believing that he’s going to die either way since the vent has already opened, but spurred on by the knowledge that his ability to move that switch is the only thing standing between Yorktown and annihilation. HEART: Knowing exactly what’s at stake, with the fate of the station and millions of lives hanging in the balance, Leonard’s greatest concern is that Jim won’t make it out in time.

iv. never bet against the heart

Let’s wrap this up with a deep dive on one of the absolute best examples of Leonard as the heart: his decision to sneak Jim onto the Enterprise in the first movie.

As relentlessly as I drag him for the, you know, poisoning and kidnapping aspects of that whole deal, there’s no denying that it is a god-tier heart move. Is it logical? Absolutely not. Is it really the right thing to do for either himself or Jim, as far as he knows at the time? Nope. It’s 100% the wrong choice for his own job security, reputation, and relationships with his fellow crew, and it’s almost guaranteed to get Jim into even worse trouble. Leonard is a smart dude who must understand that this course of action will likely end up coming back on them both in a real bad way. For someone who argues loudly and often in defense of self-preservation, this is a shockingly bad idea.

But none of that matters, because Jim shakes his hand and tells him to be safe with that horrible empty-eyed smile, and it gets him right in the heart, one-two-three.

One: sympathy, worry, and affection for Jim - his best friend, his wild and troublesome stray, his only family.

Two: guilt over adding onto Jim’s pain, and the instinctive urge to fix whatever‘s hurting him.

Three: fear of heading out into the unknown by himself, the agonizing uncertainty of not knowing what’s coming, craving for the security and reassurance Jim’s presence would give him.

“Dammit,” Leonard says, as his heart wins out over his brain. He knows this is a garbage plan, and he doesn’t care. His heart chooses Jim. That’s all that matters.

So he goes back for Jim, and to his own surprise it turns out that this Very Bad Idea was actually a Very Good Idea because Jim’s impulsive instincts end up saving Earth, and Leonard’s not in the habit of fixing what ain’t broke so he figures he may as well keep on chasing Jim’s crazy ass around the galaxy for a while, through jungles and off cliffs and into the goddamn afterlife when need be, until finally one day Jim’s gut drives him right into Leonard’s arms and he suddenly realizes that this is what his heart was choosing all those years ago: Jim’s wide terrified eyes, Jim’s voice breaking over his name, Jim’s hand pressing hard against his chest, reaching out for what’s his.

But that’s another story.

[fandomtrash264]

I have some Fred and George promts that I don't want to forget so imma put them here. If you are interested in writting them, by all means go for it, just tag me. I don't think I have a preference over who is in each scenario. I will probably write George and Fred based on what I thought but they should work with either twin. I do think they are different, im just saying that I could see the story going with either boy

• Reader and Fred pull a prank on George that changes his hair color based on mood. (Red - angry, blue - sad, green - disgust, light pink - embarrassed, hot pink - flirty, purple - in love/swooning, dark purple -lust) The 3 are sitting in the great hall eating and George is staring at reader and his hair turns purple. Reader thinks he has just zoned out and starts to bug him asking who he is thinking about. Leads to confession (and I imagine he is embarrassed so his hair is pink)

• Reader is a metamorphmagus and they like to switch between male and female so they change their physical appearance as such. (I see Fred as bi ngl) Fred gets a crush on the reader without knowing they are both people. A little while later, he falls for the other side (if that makes sense) of them and thinks he likes 2 different people. He is super torn and has no idea what to do

•This one is a Soulmate AU. The one where you can hear the music your soulmate is listening to. Reader is listening to ✨🌶 S p i c y 🌶 ✨ music and he knows its reader and he is shocked because they don't seem like they would listen to it and he is pleasantly suprised to find they are super flirty and such (he is twin of your choice lol)

•Yet again, one of our boys gets pranked. They lie about something that makes reader upset so they prank them so that everytime they try to talk, bubbles come out instead and the only way to undo it is to do somthing super embarrassing (I'll leave that to y'alls imagination's) and they refuse because they are petty but they eventually give in with this big social stunt or smth

•i imagine reader is a Ravenclaw (could really be any) who is the child of Bellatrix and *Moldy Voldy* (why ravenclaw you ask? I'll explain) They are in George and Fred's year so they are older than Harry. Reader was rescued a little before Harry was born and got to stay with someone else (probably Remus or smth. I imagine a gryfinndor so that way the Slytherin and the Gryfinndor kinda cancel out so you get Ravenclaw. Slytherin is their blood but they know its wrong so they push for the good values. I know slytherins can be good [believe me, I am very big on the fact that not all Slytherins are evil] but when its Bella and Mr. Tom, they have some bad bones) and they keep it a secret from their friends (the twins, the trio, etc.) Until Remus brings them to an OoTP meeting. He doesn't say who he just says he is bringing He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named 's child and they are terrified of how their friends will react. Kinda angsty but eventually they all understand that reader isn't evil

• Branching off of the previous, same family situation but when they were younger, they weren't seen as a child, they were a weapon. Trixie and Tommy boy would experiment on them so they are lowkey fucked up. They are super powerful and struggle to control it. Reader freaks out because they are terrified that he will be able to control them or see in their mind and good 'ole Gred and Forge help our reader to feel better and reassure them

• Reader and a twin are dating in 7th year (With Umbridge) and instead of breaking up or telling them about the plan to start a shop, they just leave and break off all contact. Years later they see each other and reader confronts them about how he couldn't even break up with them before leaving and he confesses his worries. Inspired by the song Ways to Break a Heart by Maddie Zahm [you can find it on YouTube]

• Can happen to either the reader or George or Fred but somehow by prank or accident in class, they get separated into different parts of themselves [parts like the 7 deadly sins (so they would be split into Pride and Lust) but also other things work (like Fear and Wonder)] and the other 2 have to deal with it until the problem is fixed

• (I have a lot with the boys and pranks, sorry lol) the boys get de-aged and reader has to chase them around because they are H E A T H E N S but then later on they put them to sleep and the Love Interest (twin of choice) snuggles up to them and mentions how much they love them and reader gives it no mind because "he was a baby". They snuggle and when they wake up the boys are of normal age and the Love Interest just snuggles closer and says something like "I meant it y'know. I really do love you/think you're amazing" and just. Fluff

• (I wrote George, yet again, could work with either) Reader is playing with the sleeve/hem/string of George's sweater/hoodie and he quips with a flirty comment like "you want the whole thing? Here, give it back when it smells like you" and the reader brushes it off as a flirty comment and teases "how am I supposed to know what I smell like? I'm noseblind to myself" and he gives them a scent. The scent seems familiar to them but oh well. They wear it because its soft and it smells like him and later on when they are chilling in the common room or whatever (George isn't there) they realize that's what he said he smelt in his Amortentia in potions last week and they lowkey freak out and go to ask him about it and aaaah! Cute things ensue

• [!!!TW: Depression, suicidal thoughts!!!] Can happen to either reader or one of the boys.(If it happens to a boy i see it being George as he seems insecure of being in Fred's shadow and I will write the prompt that way but it works with Fred and reader as well) George has been a little off recently and reader and Fred can't figure out what it is until reader goes to the astronomy tower late one night and finds George on the roof of the atronomy tower, seemingly fighting with himself about whether or not he should jump off. Angst, ends with fluff, reader helps him to feel better. Inspired by the song Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths

•During their 6th year with the Triwizard Tournament, a durmstrange gent takes a liking to the reader. They start to court the reader and flirt with them, give them lots of compliments, try to show their affection. The Love Interest (again, twin of choice) get REALLY jealous tho and decides to try and out-do the durmstrang boy. This leads to really extravagant methods of flirting (ex. Sending a howler that is actually a shower of compliments or after a big quidditch match, the whole team does a choreographed dance where the suitor sings/performs to reader) all of this leading up to the yule ball. They either go with the durmstrange guy and deal with Love Interest later or they end up going with the Twin, whatever you would like

• Everyone is at the Burrow and they decide to watch a movie. While everyone is in the kitchen, the twin (who is the Love Interest) comes by and says "Oh! Are you guys watching a movie?" Readet replies "Yeah, P.S. I Love you" and he just blushes really hard and sits next to them and says "I love you too". Reader doesn't know how of if they are gonna tell him that "P.S. I Love You" is the name of the movie. Then everyone else comes back in so they have to wait until after the movie to talk about it. The whole time the movie is going all they can focus on are the "I Love You"s that escaped each others mouths. Inspired by a wolfstar text post by @starsandmoonys

• Inspired by the drarry work, Mental by sara_holmes on Ao3 (which you should totally go read like holy shit i love this idea sooooo much) written with George but as usual, can work with either. Reader is in for total shock when a joke gone sour ends with George striking them with a bad Legilimency spell. Due to this spell, they can (and have to) hear each others thoughts and see the pictures in each other's minds. What will happen when they see all that goes on in each others heads? Will they learn to communicate? Will they let one another in? Will they like who they see, or will they be scared away from the thoughts behind closed eyes?

• (TW!!!!: Dreamt character death, War) Fred and reader have been friends-with-benefits for a long time with feelings slowly growing between the 2 of them. They stay in denial until Fred has a nightmare one day where reader dies in the war. The next day he is desperate to hold them and see that they are okay. He confesses his feelings in fear of losing them. Inspired by Woke the Fuck Up - Jon Bellion

• [(TW!!! War) Fred lives] Fred and Reader had a huge fight right before Fred and George left Hogwarts and leave things on a rocky ending. Fred knows just how much he needs Reader and he desperately wants them back. Reader doesn't want to admit it but they miss him.and want him back too. They see each other again after the war and Fred breaks down in their arms and confesses how much he misses them and needs them. How hard it has been without them. Reader reciprocates these feelings and tells him. They start over, slowly building their love up again inspired by Bad Habit - Ben Platt [First verse and Pre-chorus would be Fred's feelings and second verse and Pre-chorus would be Reader. They blend on the 3rd]

• George has been strangely quiet all day. Reader is confused and a little hurt as George seems to avoid them. Leaving rooms when they walk in, not keeping eye contact and staying as physically far as he can. That is until they sit down in the great hall for lunch and Fred tells his friends (including reader) all about having put a truth serum in George's drink and all the funny things he has gotten him to admit. Reader goes to confront George about what he is hiding (because otherwise he would talk to them, right?) And they get an oddly specific but touching confession [ie. "I borrow your chapstick because that is what your lips will taste like" and "I see you in my dreams almost every night" ] inspired by Jenny - Studio Killers

• [Choose whether the person who can dance is reader or Twin of Choice. I will be writting with reader] The yule ball is coming up and reader can't dance to save their life. A certain red-heades friend comes in to help. At first, reader doesn't believe him because "c'mon, why would you know how to ballroom dance?" But they are pleasantly suprised to find they are actually really good at it. Like, REALLY good. "Mum made all of us learn. In case we ever needed it". Reader notices their feelings start to change as they spend more and more sessions together dancing until the yule ball occurs. Take it from there lol

• just a very cliche typical love potion fic. Reader volunteers to be on the receiving end of one of Fred and George's pranks- spike their drink with love potion- on one condition. The person reader will be in love with, knows about it. Reader figures this will allow them some leeway and safety against other pranks. All is going well until they spike the drink for reader to like (twin of your choice) and they realize that nothing has happened except they are a bit more flirty. Everyone is crazy confused because for everyone else they were head over heels swooning and attached at the hip until Hermionie (or somebody else) quips in with "You can't create something that already exists, y'know".

• So this one is less creative and it's also a mix of 2 tropes but bear with me. Reader is a very outgoing flirtatious type of person. They openly flirt with everyone, Fred, Ginny, Neville, Dean, etc. They don't care, its a way they show affection. Then, when they start to get a crush on George (or Fred) they star getting more shy and reserved with him. And he is completely clueless. He's lowkey hurt because "why doesn't Y/n crack jokes like that with me?" And shit like that. He is feeling down when he sees it. No, not 'it', he sees you. You and Fred flirting. He's got you cornered to the wall and your cheeks are flushed and George is big mad. (When really, Fred just cornered them so they couldn't avoid the question and was teasing and asking about their crush on George). George ends up seeing out Y/n, getting them alone and confronting them. Light angst? But ends fluffy as reader explains what actually happened

*im going to keep updating this as I get more ideas so be prepared*