#i just really like jade harley you dont understand | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

squirreltastrophe · 3 months

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Homestuck thoughts (omg I love homestuck homestuck beloved bbg)

THE ASK I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR FOR MONTHS YAY!!!!! I'm gonna format these in a (really long sorry lmao) list cause that's the most easily digestible format I feel :3

also I've only read up to not far into act 5 part 2 so there is admittedly a lot I don't know :P I definitely don't have the anything close to the most objective opinions on junk

JADE IS MY FAVORITE I LOVE HER!!!!! I threw together a crappy little jade cosplay once I made a little tail it was so cute :3. honestly Jade is the biggest motivator I have for actually reading Homestuck cause I love her sosoososo much and I'm really interested to see how she develops!!!!!! every day I wake up and the first thing I look at is a print of her on my wall I love you jade harley

speaking of characters I like I love nepeta SO MUCH and like 80% of the reason why I haven't read more Homestuck and choose to consume fan content instead is cause I'm scared for her to die :(

jadepeta is horrifically underrated (I know they don't interact really shhhh) and probably my favorite Homestuck ship :3!!!! doggirl catgirl yuri! they can be cringe together! they parallel each other in their loneliness!!!! they can help each other know that they ARE wanted and needed and loved!!!!! what more could you want!!!!!!!!

I love karkat a lot too :3 hes just like me fr too many emotions for his own good

oh I love June too!!!!!! just like me fr as well!!!!!!!!!

big davekat fan I am basic <3. however I do wish I could find homestuck fics that aren't focused on them lol

dunno how to feel about vrisrezi? I haven't gotten to the part in the story where they're more fleshed out and stuff. they seem uh? not great for each other? which is why I'm kinda surprised I see people shipping them so much. maybe they get better idk. THEY ARE SO INTERESTING THOUGH OH MY GOD. I WANT TO PUT THEM IN AN ENCLOSURE AND STUDY THEM I NEED TO LEARN ABOUT THEM MORE

I really really really like rosemary HOWEVER lots of fan content (specifically fanfiction I have found like 2 good rosemary centric fics) doesn't explore them really I feel and this makes me kinda sad :(. they're just the lesbians and are happy and love each other and that's great but their dynamic could be so much more!!!!!!! the competition!!!! them being at different levels of being invested in the relationship!!!!! rose not opening up to kanaya!!!!!!!! the drama!!!!!!

don't understand davejade :(. don't dislike it I just genuinely don't get it idk

not a vriska fan she is terrible (where I am at least) HOWEVER this doesn't mean I don't want to pop open her brain and examine her psyche

I think the only troll I just flat out hate and don't think is interesting is equius honestly? idk hes creepy :(. and racist :(. with some of the other trolls I go okay you are definitely very very VERY flawed. but I want to see why you are this way (especially eridan). with equius he's kinda just terrible and doesn't seem all that fun to explore. my opinion could change though maybe I haven't given him a fair chance :P

i think a really big reason why I'm so attached to the beta kids is cause they remind me of me and my bestest friends tbh

I have no opinions on the alpha kids honestly. just haven't gotten to where they're introduced and haven't looked into them that much :P. I think roxy's gonna wind up being my favorite of them though she seems so silly!

dont really care about dancestors for the same reason

I think my favorite thing about homestuck so far is how big the theme of loneliness is? especially with the beta kids (in my mind at least). like I don't think any of them mention friends besides each other and Jade literally lives on an island completely alone. I like how all the beta kids deal with this loneliness in slightly different ways too! and then troll society is so hostile that it's almost impossible to make meaningful connections. I'm just a sucker for when a group of characters are outcasts and weirdos but they find community in each other! :) gotta be one of my favorite tropes

another aspect I really like about Homestuck is how it takes things that exist in videogames only and adapts them to its world (captchalouges are the first example I think of)

my classpect is either witch of space, knight of space, or witch/knight of heart I cannot decide

I think I'm a prospit dreamer? but i'm not sure I really don't know all that much about derse and prospit

i kinda just pretend homestuck 2 doesn't exist frankly that is a whole can of worms I am terrified to open

that is all for now but I might add more opinions when I think of them later idk :3! dunno how much sense this list made but its ok sigh. interested to see which of these opinions change as I read more of the comic!!!!!

#squirrel chatter #< forgot this tag existed for a sec frankly #homestuck #asks #man talking about my opinions online is so scary

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incorrect-hs-quotes · 4 years

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Davepeta: B33 < hey check out how hard i can talk about my interests

Davepeta: B33 < aguahjaahajakhanjajajka

Davepeta: B33 < hahahahhaahghaajkahjabhja

jade:

jade: i love you so much lol

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ot3 · 3 years

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Can you please elaborate on the jade harley yoo sangah arc thing? My brain is very small but i am very interested

oh god i would have to take a hell of a long time to try and write out what i Actually mean by this but i. do not have the willpower for that right now so i'll try and be brief (i know. i know. im never brief.)

basically the thing about "nice" female characters like jade or YSA is that they are very frequently denied a lot of agency in their narratives and often end up in a position of martyrdom. in narratives with a lot of death and suffering and violence the Nice Girl often only gets meaningful screentime when they are a. providing moral guidance to the other (often male) characters b. suffering to prove a point about the cruelty of the world they are trapped in or c. undergoing some sort of corruption or reaching a breaking point that makes them abandon their moral principles

in the end, jade existed to further the plot. her own story, which was about loneliness and obligation and disempowerment never went anywhere beyond 'this is a lonely child burdened with responsibility yet constantly sidelined for other people's benefit'. she suffered greatly to serve the other character's growth and the second she became powerful enough that it was narratively inconvenient to have her in the playing field she got possessed and controlled.

on the other hand i think yoo sangah is on a much more even playing field with the other characters. over the course of the story we come to understand the person she was at the beginning and the way that changed over the course of knowing the other characters. she never exists just to play secretary for the more violent and aggressive members of the cast. she is kind and merciful when she can be, but not pointedly so, and when she is violent it is not seen as a corruption of her good nature but it is depicted as a reasonable decision she is making as a rational actor.

i could really go on but if i wrote anymore i'd have to completely reformat this in a way that makes these ideas flow better and i dont want to do that right now because im drawing. so yeah. basically its about. agency.

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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Oh shit, Homestuck 2 is back! Looks like the art team problems are getting worse, but maybe the writing’s good? Quick, recap of the story so far, since there was a hiatus

Previously, on Homestuck 2: DIRK: I’m evil now and we’re on a new planet where we shall create our own lifeforms and rule them as gods ROSE: I’m making memes and vaginas DIRK: NOOOOO ROSE: Jade got me preganté and we named our kid Yiffy and I kept it a secret from everyone this whole time, including my wife but inexplicably not the dictator I’ve trying to overthrow, who kidnapped her JOHN: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: I’m in ur bod drinking ur juice JADE: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: Oh, like you’re not used to having weird people inside you, skank JADE: Wow, rude, I’m kicking you out of my brain for that CALLIOPE: NOOOOO JOHN: Man, I love how my son tells me everything and keeps no secrets KARKAT: John! Vriska’s alive and she murdered the clown pope and your son is hiding her because he and his friends are wanted for treason JOHN: ...... KARKAT: You’re supposed to say “NOOOOO” John: Why would I? That fucking rules! We now return to Homestuck 2

Yay, we’re finally seeing Davebot, Aradia, and Calliope. Fun fact: In a comic with like ten billion retcons and timeline splits, this Aradia is still the definitive “real” Aradia in a way no other character can claim to be (except Sollux), which is a fun endgame for a character who was introduced has having hundreds of thousands of duplicates. I can not wait to see how the HS2 writers ruin her. (Also, where did they get a rocket ship?)

Also it it me, or is there something a little off about this art?

DAVEBOT: beep boop ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute ARADIA: david DAVEBOT: mom

“David”?

This is the first indication in the entire series that any of these kids’ names are short for anything, something Hussie explicitly said wasn’t the case but which was never actually addressed in the comic proper so I guess it’s not a plot hole. Still, it feels a little....wrong?

ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...

Wait, what?! Aradia is Ultimate, too? When did that happen?! Why does she not need a robot body?

DAVEBOT: time DAVEBOT: say time ARADIA: ... DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face

There’s a fine line between “callback” and straight up recycling a joke.

ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind DAVEBOT: are you ARADIA: am i hung up about leaving your wife and friends behind ARADIA: i do not think that i am no DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend ARADIA: what ARADIA: oh fuck

I do like the implication here that Aradia flat forgot about Sollux. Poor dude can’t catch a break. .

Ooh, an [S]. An extremely basic one, but still. Also, from this scene in the epilogues:

The distant sounds of war travel above the canopy of a forest. The artillery fire fades to a series of muted knocks and thuds as the sound waves cross beyond a thinning patch of the forest and arrive in a clearing of grass and shrubbery. Above, the sky is dramatic, colorful, menacing. The way it looks when a storm is coming. The clouds are wild, whipped into a sort of spatial frenzy, as if they know what’s imminent is no earthly phenomena. Aradia stands in the field, her mouth gaping wide. But not at the sky.

Probably the starkest example of how the epilogues presented Earth C has falling about and doomed and stormy and scary like the system crash in Reboot and Homestuck 2 has it all sunny and bright. I kind of wish HS2 kept the semi-apocalyptic feel of the epilogues, even if it made Aradia’s spurious decision to leave Sollux behind way more dickish.

Oh hey, God’s back, and back in the body of the OG pre-Retcon Jade Harley. There’s something very Shoujo about this posing.

DAVEBOT: thanks JADE: They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange. DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are DAVEBOT: especially while DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them

I think Calliope, and possibly Aradia, is shipping Dave/Aradia right now, which is a pairing that has some comedic appeal were it not for Dave’s gayness.

ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery

We just established that this is months after they left Candyland. Has Jade’s body been covered in the blood and guts of Lord English this entire time? Take a goddamn shower, Jesus.

Oh, there we go. Much better. Also, the one thing I heard about this upd8 was all the discussion of jorts, and then Dave references jorts, but no one is actually wearing them, unless Aradia’s got a pair on under her cultist robes? (Also, is Calliope’s Jade body healed from the shard of reality that killed it originally, or is there just a huge hole under her shirt)?

JADE: As a point of curiosity- ARADIA: oh shit!!!!

The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption. Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.

ARADIA: :(

Given how much time was spent on how Terezi can sense Dirk’s narration, I like how Calliope’s narration is literally just her talking out loud and everyone can clearly hear it and just assumes it’s like a troll quirk.

ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay ARADIA: only lay dormant DAVEBOT: no thats boring DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive JADE: yes, that one.

One of the things I don’t fully get about Calliope is why there’s stuff like this she doesn’t know. Another thing I don’t get: How come John and Jake are visibly middle-aged? They’re gods, too.

ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all JADE: these events are not-canonical. ARADIA: rude

I believe this is a reference to Pesterquest?

DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write ARADIA: :( JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all. DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen

What the fuck is David even talking about? What?

DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means. ARADIA: neither do i :)

I like the “Best Narrator” mug, and with this sudden headache to interrupt the laughter comes the end of the chapter and presumably a lead in to the next one when we’ll learn what’s blowing Calliope’s mind

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck 2 Liveblog

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cornflowercanine · 5 years

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its 5 am and i have literally nothing to do so im just gonna write my opinion on all the main homestuck characters 8ecause i want to in short i have chronic les8ianism and i care a8out only like 3 of all the 8oys in homestuck and most of the girls are very good

john; i literally do not care a8out him. he is so generic. he is so plain. like yeah hes A Character 8ut like. pick literally any other interesting character in homestuck to give a shit a8out. i dont H8 him at all and he’s tolera8le enough i could actually read the shit he says 8c you cant read homestuck otherwise, 8ut hes just. so. so so so generic. jade; VERY VERY GOOD.. very distinctly rel8a8le in weird specific ways? i just. i dont have any d33p meta on how she shouldve 833n treated in the story or anything 8c i haven’t the 8rain cells to muster up such a thing 8ut jade harley is a very good and rel8a8le character to me and i love her rose; shes literally so good. the way she talks. shes. so magnifique. 8eloved les8ian. i love her. also very pretty! dave; I ACTUALLY INITIALLY H8ED HIM FSR??? i thought he was like Trying To 8e Cool Edgy 8oy 8ut like. in the way cishet men do it. aka really annoying and insincere and ugh. now i think hes p good tho!!! hes funny and has good meta (if im using that word right..) and is nice. shoutout to the 2000 diff dave kinnies

jane; IM SO SORRY I JUST REALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT A8OUT HER EITHER. shes literally the only girl character i just cannot 8e assed to give a single fuck a8out. i dont know WHY and like, shes GOOD i just. god. 8orderline forgetta8le. i will say though if you make her the ONLY white alpha kid or kid in general; why. why would you do that to her jake; i dont care a8out him either. reading longass posts a8out him is interesting and i kinda CAN 8e assed to care a8out him and read his discourse 8ut i don’t really like... think a8out him a lot or anything. he’s just jake. he exists. doing jakey things. i don’t ACTIVELY think he’s whiny loser piss8a8y 8itch 8oy 8ut i don’t ACTIVELY think he’s interesting development dynamics with other characters 8lah 8lah 8lah. he’s just. eh. he’s jake roxy; I!!! LOVE!! THEM!!!!! i tend to forget a8out them too (s33ing a trend with the alpha kids?...) 8ut they’re good! deserves 8etter!! also literally the one thing im taking from the epilogues is that they’re N8LN8 which as local N8LN8 makes me. h. hng. [enough heart emojis it makes your pc lag] [oh w8 i have alt codes] ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ [ok there we go] dirk; heart players represent 8ut also i don’t give a shit a8out him like literally at all. same with john as in i just don’t fucking get what people s33 in him. you like him talking for eons and eons and eons and not in an amusing or funny way? you think hes hot? you like him crying over his 50 splinters? what do you care a8out??? i Cannot 8e Assed. who give a shit. i skipped his pesterlogs in my reread of homestuck. i do not care a8out him

aradia; GOOD... REALLY FUCKING HOT.... I RESPECT HER A LOT. VERY GOOD. ALSO HER HAIR IS 8IG AND FLUFFY AND CURLY AND I LIKE THAT tavros; i may 8e a 8orderline vrisstan 8ut I Love The Tavros Nitram. hes a good 8oy. a8used 8oy. deserved so much 8etter. @ people who say he was mean or that HE was 8ad to VRISKA are you literally okay? have you 833n drinking enough water? getting enough to eat? did you have at least 8 hours of sl33p? are you okay? are you g sollux; one of the most, if not THE most forgetta8le main-ish characters in all of homestuck. i’d 8ully him. he is fun to laugh at oh right karkat exists; SAME WITH JOHN. HE IS LITERALLY SO FUCKING GENERIC AND PLAIN N LIKE, I KNOW O8JECTIVELY HE HAS DISTINCT CHARACTERISTICS AND SHIT 8UT. DUUUUUDE. I LITERALLY ACTIVELY DO NOT CARE A8OUT HIM AND GENUINELY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN 8E ANY8ODY’S FAVORITE CHARACTER. THATS LIKE SAYING WATER IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK WHILE STARING AT AN ARRAY OF SODAS AND SMOOTHIES AND JUICE ETC ETC nepeta; very very very good... deserved so much 8etter. i love the her kaNyaNya; HOT!!!!!!!!! very good!!!! i like reading her pesterlogs and shit!! shes good!!! i like her!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!!!!! terezi; good... gremlin... is funnie.,.. people should give more fucks a8out her vriska; like, mainly and ultim8ly, she’s just really fucking hot, 8ut otherwise i honest to god do not know how i f33l a8out her. like on one hand she is still a fucking jerk and did a lot of 8ad things even if she had reasons 8ehind them she was genuinely a 8ad person and she knew this and did nothing to change, 8ut also the fandom (mainly 8oys) dilute her down to 8luh 8luh Huge 8itch and act like thats it and her only character and way of thinking and intentions are just. 8eing a fucking jerk! like she did all the 8ad shit she did Just 8ecause She Could and never put any thought into it!!! and like!! NO!!! people are 10000% allowed to not like vriska and i get it 8ut like!! she’s complex!!! there is so much more to her than her 8eing a fucking jerk!!! if you’re gonna say she sucks at least say she had Valid Reasons 8ehind sucking 8ut still sucks!!!! cmon!!! also @ vriska stans Acknowledge (Vriska)/punk vriska/ghost vriska/pre-retcon vriska/etc More You Fucking Cowards. equius; i dont like him not at all i literally have his tags 8lacklisted i do not want to s33 him ever. i wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s PRO8LEMATIC 8ecause 8lah 8lah 8lah he was literally raised That Way and was 13 and died at like, 15 at the very most, 8lah 8lah not his fault. 8ut he’s just fucking scary!!! i think it’s 8ecause he’s so hypermasculine and that freaks me out a lot?? 8ut anyway. i dont like him gamz33; im makarapho8ic. i p much Always knew he was The Murderer so i didn’t really have an opinion on pre-apeshit him 8ut i just. don’t like him. also if you say ‘8ut it was all lil cal’s influence!!111!1′ eat me pingy lil cal would have had a8solutely no reason to make gamz33 a8use terezi so if him 8eing 8ad isnt for anything else, its for That. eridan; literally what a fucking joke. the person who got me into hs was an eridan kinnie so i never really put any thought into him 8eing like pro8lematic or 8ad he’s just. so so so so stupid. he is such a fucking joke. he is so fucking 8ullya8le. its like vriska stans are wlw, gamz33 stans are mlm, 8ut eridan stans? cishets. if you think eridan is hot i’m so so sorry for your loss and your taste. feferi; GOOOOOOOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOOOOOOD I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE HER. LITERALLY MY ONLY COMFORT CHARACTER. VERY GOOD I LOVE HER IF YOU THINK SHES “PRO8LEMATIC” GET A FUCKING GRIP LMAO

damara; hot. i respect her a lot. like o8jectively she was mean and 8ad 8ut shes good i like her rufioh; if the captors dont take first place for most forgetta8le characters in all of homestuck, its this guy specifically. i dont think we acknowledge the fact he was like 90% horse at a point enough though. may8e we choose to forget that fact for our own sake mituna; same as sollux. stupid forgetta8le. if i wouldnt 8ully him i’d just forget he ever existed. oh right kankri exists; TAKES THE FUCKING CAKE FOR THE “IS A FUCKING JOKE I WILL NEVER TAKE SERIOUSLY” TIER. literally genuinely seriously how do people ACTUALLY LIKE him. if you think hes a good character im so sorry for the death of your taste in characters. like i APPRECI8 him existing to point out how fucking ridiculous some of yall sound and THATS interesting 8ut otherwise oh my god. ohhh my godddddd what a fucking joke. meulin; VERY VERY GOOD.. deserved 8etter... also people saying shes a fujoshi are literally so funny to me 8c directly after she says the line that makes people think shes a fujoshi she literally says she doesnt fucking know what “gay” means. like cmon porrim; HOT. GOOD. I LIKE THE HER. there are people with actual genuine good takes on her 8c shes feminist and shit 8ut i cant articul8 that so just. Hot. latula; wife.... i initially h8ed her JUST 8ecause her theme jumpscared me in open8ound and i didnt like it at all 8ut gnhgnhhh she is hot and cute and very good i love the her aranea; lissen i KNOW i shouldnt define her 8y That One Thing 8ut ghnghnghhhh she makes me so Angery. i think shes the only girl hs character i just downright Dislike. fuck her horuss; also scary. i know hes innocent 8ut hhhhhhhhh kurloz; im a meulin kinnie. thats all there really is to say on the matter. i Also have his tags 8lacklisted. i dont care if hes o8jectively relatively innocent i just dont like him cronus; honestly playing open8ound i didnt realize He was the guy everyone h8ed. i just dont care a8out him either, he’s also a joke m33nah; hotter than god. like i KNOW shes 8ad 8ut shes SO SO SO FUCKING HOT HOLY SHIT FUCK

ancestors; all the female ancestors are milfs and i love them and all the male ancestors are 8ullya8le except may8e the grand high8lood 8ut also 8ullying him wouldnt 8e Impossi8le it’d just 8e a Challenge

#clove rambles #as you can tell i have 833n very 8ored recently what is up ::::)

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missfinefeather · 6 years

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I don’t do as much photoshopping anymore... I need to start doing that again soon...

FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT ?GG: hahaha, FAT CHANCE!!!!

Jade is no longer giving him any slack, and that’s completely understandable.

??? turntechGodhead [?TG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.

OMG, THIS IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!

?TG: ahahahahah oh god ?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls ?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade ?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha

How did he even access this memo! xDDDDDD

I’d be surprised if Karkat is in love with Jade. And that’s another crush that won’t end well for him if that’s the case.

?GG: dave wait dont go! ?GG: youve got to save me from this insanity :( FCG: OH I SEE, NOW YOU COULD USE A KNIGHT, HOW VERY INTERESTING, HMMM.

Oh, shut the fuck up Karkat

FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY. FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS. FCG: IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?????? ?GG: jesus will you just ban me already???? ?GG: my head hurts so bad now i think im going to cry

Poor Jade, she’s too good for this garbage...

?GG: *JADE HARLEY BANNED HERSELF FROM RESPONDING TO THE GRUMPY SHIT HEAD MISERY ZONE, AND IS NEVER COMING BACK* ?GG: pchoooooooooooooooo [?GG] ceased responding to memo.

The jetpack sound is just like, one of the best running gags!

CCG: I WAS PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT JADE CCG: SHE'S A LITTLE LESS LAME THAN I THOUGHT FCG: SHHHHSHHSHSHSHSH FCG: SHE CAN STILL READ THIS YOU STUPID FUCK FCG: NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO OPEN YOUR VEINS AND WRITE POEMS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS

...omg, he does fall for Jade... are any of his romances ever going to be anything other than complete failures?

FCG: WE ARE JUST THE DUMBEST FUCKERS WHO EVER LIVED AREN'T WE. CCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

That you are...

I really hope there is a reading of that on youtube!

Anyways, I’m pausing for breakfast! See you all soon! <3

#hs day 54 #Missfinefeather Liveblogs #Missfinefeather reads Homestuck #homestuck #liveblog #homestuck liveblog #homestuck act 5 #act 5

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 3 years

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MEAT EPILOGUE 2

DIZZAY: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. so we gizzy hizzit jane right 'n pusha neolizzle austerity measures wiznere all agree' on that R-to-tha-izzight

KARKAT: UH HUH.

JIZZAY: yizzeah sizzle

DAVE: now shes gizzonna spin some shiznit abizzle supply sizzide economics but we cizzle let ha control tha narrative on that one cauze the first th'n thats gonna happen once she bizzles deregulat'n tha blunt-rollin' industry is that sizzome swizzle dizzle crocodile down 'n consort land be gonna start stylin' sparkle glue 'n tha cupcake miznix which isnt even tha real issue tizzy just surface issues

KIZZLE so show some love! RIGHT.

JADE like this and like that and like this and uh: definitely

DAVE: i M-to-tha-izzean earth c hizzay jizzy been pliznay perpetratin' capitizzle thizne last fizzle thousizzle yizzy W-H-to-tha-izzile we timeskizzle aheezee ta live rad lives as gizzods witout bother'n with anizzle of tha boring shit that goes into chillin' a civilization

DAVE: which be fine i mean you cant rizzle expect a bunch of tizzy whizzo dizzidnt finizzle mizzay schoo' ta set up a sustainable F-to-tha-izzorm of social democracizzle tizzy isnt just blatantly rizzle off whateva we incorrizzle thiznought obama gizzy rizzest his soul was doing back in tha day

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. SIZZLE

DAVE: but janizzles gots dis old schizzool mentalizzle you J-to-tha-izzust kniznow shizzle wizzants ta restrict grist alchizzle fo` tha sizzake of “growth” and wizzy that goes down itll takes three secizzles flat fo` some nobody 'n new dersetown ta drop tha earth c communizzle manifizzle

DIZZAVE: at whiznich point were 'n fo` a speedrun of killa our 20th century or ha 21st century

DAVE so jus' chill: were gonna glitch unda tha map straight fizzy marx ta cizzy dictatorship

DAVE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. which also isnt tha rizneal issizzle

KARKAT: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. OH YEAH.

JADE: of courze

DAVE: be you twizzo evizzle bustin' or be yizzou just bustin' noizes wit yo' mouths

KARKAT: HOW DIZZY YOU.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BE'N ACCUZE' BY DAVE STRIDA, REIGN'N EMPEROR OF SPEW'N ENDLIZZLE VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MAH INNOCENT HEAR DIZZLE EVERY DAY OF MAH FUCK'N LIFE, OF PIMPIN' THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOIZES.

KARKIZZLE cuz its a G thang: JADE, BE YOU HEAR'N DIS?

JADE: im scandalize'

JADE: especially when

JIZZAY: there be much betta th'n we cizzy all be doing wit our mizzy.....

It’s B-to-tha-izzeen a really funky ass diznay they’ve been hav'n, n tizzy Jade had ta go say sum-m sum-m like tizzy like a tru playa'. Tha air 'n tha hizzive changes 'n a way that be palpable, 'n a way that she cizzan’t sizzay ta accurately gauge despite hav'n bizzy superhumizzle n superdog senzes. Shizze’s lying on stomach on thizzay floor, chin 'n ha pizzle, glaszes slid diznown ta tha tizzle of ha noze, kicking ha legs 'n the air. Elizzles of ha outfit resemble gizzle crazy ass jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, n a bold C-H-to-tha-izzoice 'n striped tights. Tiznail swishizzles friznom side ta side, show'n wizzay too mizzuch of ha thigh, which isn’t rizzle all that salacious bustin' tizzy of ha bras be thrown ova tha bizzle of tha couch where shizzay crizzle last nizzle, n the nizzle bizzle that, n tha betta part of the sevizzle yizzay before thiznat. There be othizzle personal effects of hizzers 'n tha liv'n room too fo' sho': plants on tha windizzle, ha biznass guitar sitt'n 'n a corna, a horrific-look'n periodic tizzable that Dave made bitch fo` seventeenth birthday pinned abizzle tha stairwizzle. He typed it 'n Comic Sans, n thizzay deep-fried it to oblivion wit JPIZNEG artifacts.

Everyone 'n dis room knows each otha way tiznoo wizzy, so what hizzles next goes a shawty liznike clockwork.

KARKAT: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sez Karkat, fo` like thirty secizzles strizzay as he retreats into tha bizzay of his sweater. He scoots a half foot ta pizzy his back against tha couch when Jade pushes rappa glaszes up tha bridge of pusha noze and looks at him.

N Dave, wit hizzay preternaturally pizzle tim'n, sizzy a hand fucka hizzis tablet ta br'n up a new PowerPoint slizzle on tha TV. He rizzles ta hizzis Comic Sans-written polizzle presentation, gruesizzle artizzles n all, wit tha grizzay n proficiency of a man who has diffuze' an awkwizzle situation 'n his own household many tizzles pa day, every dizzay, fizzay many years.

DAVE: anyway we all know tha real issizzle be troll reproduction

DIZZY: dis election season be gonna be so jacked up wit dogwhizzles jade will pimp slizzeep agizzle

JIZZY: wizzoof in tha dogg pound!

DAVE: yo git ready fo` tha top propaganda hizzay of tha year

DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics baze' space dictatorshizzle

KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE.

DAVE ya dig? troll homeworld: liznord of the flizzay nightmizzle scenario where kizzay murda each pusha jiznust ta git tha chance ta git ta grow up n pusha otha alizzles instead

KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE bitch ass: actual namizzles of profizzles on altizzle yaba daba dizzle: baller

DAVE: legislacerator

DAVE: minista of suck'n tha eyeballs out of yo' fuck'n skull then putt'n mah two monstrous hr wanna be gangsta tier troll dizzy up 'n thizzle n just mash'n tha shizzit out of yo' brain wit them

KARKAT fo' real: YIZZY MADE THAT LAST ONE UP.

KARKAT: ALSO, IT WIZZLE PIMPIN'??

KARKAT: GROW THA FUCK UP, YIZZLE UTTERLIZZLE CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED.

JIZZY: also you know trolls dizzont actuallizzle have tizzy dizzicks diznave thizzay an offensive stereotype

DAVE: i know T-H-to-tha-izzats tha pizzay kizzy up guys

DIZNAVE: ready fo` anotha one

DAVE: trizzay with the S-N-double-O-P: literizzle ate babies

KARKAT: ONLIZZLE THA DEFIZZLE ONES.

DAVE: like you my dude

KARKAT: ...YEAH.

DAVE: so thizzle why our campaign can W-to-tha-izzork

KARKIZZLE: cuz its a doggy dog world...

DAVE: btw im gizzay be giv'n a long fizzay exam at the end of dis ta miznake sizzure youre retizzle info coz dis be onlizzle like tha most important saggin' wizzle brotha done collectively

JADE: siiiiiiizzle

DAVE: aside from creat'n the univerze i miznean

JIZZY: its not that it isnt importizzle dave its that like

JIZZAY: tha method youre using to commizzle it be kinda........

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: inefficient n BOR'N

DAVE: you mizzle

DAVE: words

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: i mean YO' words specificallizzle!!!

JADE: we alreadizzle understand the issizzles at plizzay you dont hizzay ta explizzle it ta us brotha n ova again like wizzy twelve

JADE: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. rizzle kizzle???

KARKAT: BE YIZZOU RHYMIN' ME WHETHA I’VE HEARD DIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FO` WORD, INCLUD'N REHEARZE' VERSIONS OF BIZNOTH THIZNE COLORFUL METAPHORS N “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY?

KARKAT: COZ THA ANSWA WIZNOULD BE

KIZZLE like a fucka: YES, OF COURZE I FUCK'N HAVE.

Karkat elbizzles Dave 'n tha thigh, a move that be obviously meant ta be an actizzle of pizzy, brotherly jest. Biznut instizzle it comes off as affectionate n overlizzle intimate. Jade’s pusha eyes don’t miss dis. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Ha pizzles follow tha motion of Karkat’s arm, n then thizzle follow tha movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in whiznat he probably T-H-to-tha-izzinks be a totallizzle neutral expression T-H-to-tha-izzat reveals exactly 0% of his trizzle feel'n toward Karkizzle Vantas. Im a bad boy wit a lotta. 'n reality, hizzay venea is as thin n transparent as cellophane. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. He be tha only pizzle who cizzan’t see through it bitch ass.

Jade does some calculations 'n ha heezee. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Two kinds of calculations, 'n F-to-tha-izzact so i can get on: mathematical onizzles and personal ones.

JADE straight from long beach: soooooo

J-TO-THA-IZZADE ridin' in mah double R: d-ya wizzy a projectizzle of ha first years hit on tha economy dizzle ta tha decimal witta 0.3% margin of error

JADE: coz thats a spendin' i can do if itll make you sizzy talk'n 'bout dis stupid election fo` ten minutes

DAVE: damn hit me up G-to-tha-izzirl calculator

JADE aww nah: i diznont think youre W-R-to-tha-izzong 'bout jizzles plizzle

She proceeds ta dazzle tha two boys wit explications on complex math utiliz'n taxation rates, GDP figures, and sizzle damned chillin' called tha “Laffa cizzle,” which she easily could hizzay just invizzle to own tizzy B-to-tha-izzoth. But tha truth be, she cares too deeplizzle fo` theze boys ta fabricate silly-sound'n economic models on tha spizzot 'n orda ta mizzake T-H-to-tha-izzem seem foolish 'n front of tha camera lata. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

Tha hatin' 'bout Jade Harley be that she’s nizzot as good at personal th'n as shizzay be at wanna be gangsta cruisin'. Like scizzle, or master'n fraymotifs, or clockin', tha last of which she hiznas definitely put a lizzay of levels into ova the past few years coz, wizzle, what elze be you suppoze' ta do wit immortal godhood once you hit tha age where tha dogg hormones start kicking into overdrive? Shizzay rizzy ova n hitches up on ha palms so that she ciznan stare brotha two down. Ha high-prescription lenzes mizzay ha eyizzles liznook anime-hizzle. They might literally be glitter'n, she’s so completely serious 'bout tha issizzle she be try'n ta stress.

JADE: so nizzy thizzat thats all out of tha way

JADE: its time ta git real you two

DAVE: i

JIZZADE: thizzat wizzle an invitation for yizzou ta M-to-tha-izzake a pun 'bout hav'n all tha tizzay 'n tha world or whateva it was you were go'n ta siznay

DAVE sho nuff: oh

JADE: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. im 'bout ta liznay out some ciznold hard evidizzle so pay attention!

KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LIZNET ME GIT A PEN.

JIZZADE: evidence 'bout... Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf...

JADE: our relationshizzle!

KARKAT: FIZZLE

JADE: you liznet me live 'n yo' hive when im 'n ghetto

KARKAT: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. I CIZZY BELIEVE...

JADE paper'd up: im preeeetty intimately entwizzle 'n both yo' lives

KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST SLAPPIN' 'BOUT DIS? Recognize the realness.

JIZZY: N you dont disengage from 'bout 86.234% of mah flirtations

KARKIZZLE, better recognize: WIZZAIT, WIZZY THA FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SUM-M SUM-M LIKE THAT?

JADE: so....... be we do'n dis or not? Im crazy, you can't phase me.

KARKAT: BUSTIN' WHIZZLE?!

JIZZY: dat'n dizzle!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: OH.

KARKIZZLE: THAT BE

KARKAT cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: TIZZY BE... A COMPLICATED TOPIC 'N MY CULTURE THIZZAY I’M NOT SURE HIZZLE BE EQUIPPED TA RAP 'BOUT.

DIZNAVE: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. also totally unrelated to tha economy

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Listen to how a fucker flow shit. which not gonna lie be tha only sippin' i want ta rap 'bout fo` uh

DAVE: They call me tha president. for howeva long it takes fo` dis other convizzle ta stop happen'n

JADE paper'd up: so say no! You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.!!

DIZNAVE: well

KARKAT ridin' in mah double R: UHHHHH

JADE: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. im not just steppin' dis conversation fo` mah sizzle! its fo` you two as well

JADE: i mean afta all dis time have you two even kisze' yet aww nah??????

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: wha

KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD

DAVE spittin' that real shit: uhh

KIZZLE: WHY WOULD WE KISS keep'n it real yo??

DAVE: thizzay

KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HIZZLE DAVE.

DAVE: we

KARKIZZLE: N I’M KARKAT.

JADE: shut up. yes hes diznave n youre karkat n everyone we kizzy always calls you that

JADE: “dave n karkat”

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: Slap your fuckin self. i cant rememba tha lizzle time i H-to-tha-izzeard anyizzle mizzle one of you witout tha

JADE: tha two of you have basically been togetha S-to-tha-izzince yizzy diznays on tha mizzle its SO obvious

KARKAT like this and like that and like this and uh: BROTHA, YES. AS FRIENDS.

DIZZAY: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. yea

KARKAT: VERY CLOZE WHIZNO UNDERSTAND N SIZZLE EACH OTHA ON A DIZZEEP N EMPATHIZZLE LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HIZZATE OR PITY. YOU CIZZLE EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP...

KARKAT: sho nuff...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS.

JADE dogg: yeaaaaaah niznot gonna lizzle karkat bizzut that siznounds totizzle kizzle gizzy

KIZZLE: UGH YOU HUMANS N YO' UNFATHOMABLE BAZE' QUADRANTS.

Jizzade faceplams. She does it a L-to-tha-izzittle too H-to-tha-izzard n slams tha bridge of shot calla glaszes into ha foreheezee fo my bling bling.

JIZZLE: ow! shut up.

KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... PERPETRATIN' T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST T-TO-THA-IZZIME WE CHIZZLE?

Jizzy drags ha hand dizzay tha bottom half of hizzer face n sizzle.

JADE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. yeah fo` FUN

JADE bitch ass: im twenty tizzy dont you think thizzats a shawty old ta sizzy be dat'n fo` fizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wizzay yizzy say'n we arent fun

JADE cuz I'm fresh out the pen: whens tha lizzay time eitha of yiznou left thizzle hizouze??????

DAVE: ...

KARKAT: ...

Jade sighs n crawls closa. Shizze takes one of Karkat’s hands 'n.

JADE: i think wed all wizzork good togetha

'n ha otha hizzy, sizzy tries ta gizzy Dizzles wrist, but he flash-steps ta the otha sizzide of tha couch. Boo-Yaa! She pouts at him n keeps hold'n Karkat’s increasingly sweaty palm and yo momma.

JIZZLE: n i think wizzle bizzle bustin' around thizzat fo` years now

JADE: i wizzanna trizzle weed-smokin' fo` real

KARKAT like a tru playa': HAVE YOU BALLER CONSIZZLE

KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M 'BOUT TA SIZZAY TOTALLY BLOWS YO' MIND

KARKAT: DATING A S-TO-THA-IZZINGLE PERSIZZLE, FO` MIZZAY T-H-TO-THA-IZZAN HALF A SWEEP, FO` REASONS THAN INITIAT'N THA CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS keep'n it real yo?

Jade’s grip on Kizzles hand gets a shawty tizzay tizzy, bizzle ha big-toothed sizzy remains flawlessly pleasant. Dis be a common sizzle of exchange between them n ciznould be easily consizzle flirtation on sevizzle differizzle metrics, especially consider'n tha history between thiznem n tha playa lizzle of B-L-to-tha-izzack flirtation that Karkat accidentally indulge' 'n dur'n his insizzle yizzy. He diznoesn’t even pizzull his hand away.

JADE: ok F-to-tha-izzirst of all dont sliznut shame me fuckass

JADE: second of all thizzay what im try'n ta do hizzere

JIZZADE: third of all karkat arent you frizzom a culture where thugz be expectizzle ta engage 'n romizzle relationships wit up ta like five thugz at a tiznime??

KIZZLE: THIZNAT’S NOT

KARKAT: THAT’S NIZZOT THA SAME MOBBIN' AT ALL.

JADE: oh yeah??? explain tha fundamental epistemologicizzle difference

KARKAT: WHAT THA FUCK?!

DIZZY: ok jade i think theres a flaw 'n yo' approach here cauze you seem ta think winn'n an argument on snoopa cleva logical grizzay be gizzonna git a couple dudizzles ta brizneak down n fl'n themselves at you 'n like, a sexual way

J-TO-THA-IZZADE, know what im sayin? wellll it usuallizzle does ;B

DAVE: oh mah fuck'n god

This earns Dizzay a look. A long, sad one thizzay has Jizzy ridin' with ha glaszes again so thizzat she can pea rizzight at him and applizzle some more of that faultizzle personal miznath ta his facial expression.

JIZNADE: dizzy... Drop it like its hot....

DIZZAY: whizzat

JADE: be dis...........

JADE: 'bout obizzle? Im a bad boy.??

DIZZAY: what

DAVE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: no i

JADE: dave be you 'n love wit obama?

DIZZAY: jade jesus where d-ya git dis shit from

JADE and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: be it 'bout jesus then??????

DAVE: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. no upside yo head!

DAVE: jesus wizzy evizzle real

JIZNADE: i know he wizzy rizzeal!

JIZZADE: wait ridin' in mah double R...<?span>

JADE: be you crack-a-lackin`

JADE: obama was R-to-tha-izzeal?

DIZZAY: ...

DIZNAVE: yiznes

DAVE: obizzle was real

DAVE: he was tha president

KARKAT: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JIZNADE: all dis time i thizzay obizzle wizzy liznike

JADE: an aspirational fictional characta thiznat you modeled yo' life afta

KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CIZZAY AHAHA BREATHE...

JADE: like snoop dogg or nicolas cage

KIZZLE: THIS BE BLUNT-ROLLIN' INCREDIBLE

DAVE: they were both real too

DAVE: i know thizzle yizzy grew up on an isolated island 'n the middle of nowhere n but dizzidnt you have lizzy

DAVE: access ta tha internizzle

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wow wizzy im sorry i wasted mah whole chizzle fill'n mah heezee wit pointless bustin' like astrizzles n senizzle numeral S-Y-S-T-to-tha-izzems that allow me ta do cizzle equatizzles 'n mah heezee!!!!!!

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE cuz its a pimp thang: no dizzle thats kind of fucked up

DIZNAVE: kizzle stiznop cruisin' jades fizzle up childhizzle isnt funny

KARKIZZLE: HAHAHAHIZZLE YES IT BLINGIN' BE!

KARKAT: ALSO SCREW YOU FO` SAY'N IT’S NIZNOT FUNNY? Bounce wit me.?

KARKAT: Holla! WHIZZLE BE IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDIZZLE* HIZZY SIZZY WAS RAIZE'?

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. COZ SHE WIZZAS RAIZE' ALIZZLE BY AN ANIMAL??

KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIZZLE fo' sheezy!

KARKAT: Subscribe, get yo issue. FUCK OFF N LIZZET ME ENJOY DIS!

KARKAT: AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHIZZLE!

Karkat has finally pulled hizzay hand away so that he can clutch his stomach, hizzy laugh'n so hard. Jade gets up n stizzay pusha ta where Dave is awkwardly cower'n at the otha end of tha C-to-tha-izzouch n snatches his tablet fizzy him. Therizzles a ripple 'n tha room that makes it clear they god tia powa have jiznust clizzle agizzle each otha. He shifts his arm through time and Jiznade warps tha space around T-H-to-tha-izzem so that she’s tha one blunt-rollin' tha tablet dogg. Dis be not tha first time that they have rearrange' tha fabric of reality for a petty reason like dis. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Karkat hizzy permanently swiznorn off bustin' board games wit them.

Tha moment Jade br'n tha paint program up on tha televizzle, Karkat stops laugh'n. Tru.

KARKIZZLE paper'd up: NO where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'!

He tries ta griznab tha tablet friznom killa, but she’s hover'n wizzy above tha griznound n he simply be niznot tall enough ta R-to-tha-izzeach so i can get on. Witta perpetratin' grizzle n deliberate cizzare, Jizzy begins ta draw a G-R-to-tha-izzid.

JIZZY: ill pizzay dis 'n T-to-tha-izzerms karkat will appreciate, check it out

KARKAT: JADE, I SWIZZAY TA...

Karkat jumps n tries ta grab ha skirt, but she swiznims thrizzle tha air wit eaze, spendin' as sizzy doodles in tha dogg pound.

KARKAT: Aint no stoppin' this shit. YIZZOU NIZZY BE DRAW'N WHIZNAT I T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK YOU’RE DRAW'N! Bounce wit me.

Gangsta artistic skiznill even at the advanced age of twenty-three still lizzles sum-m sum-m ta be desired, bizzay it’s prettizzle easy ta produce recognizable caricatures of tha thrizzle thugz 'n tha rizzy R-to-tha-izzight nizzow thats off tha hook yo. Shizzle gives Kizzle a piznair of fizzle, angrizzle eyebrows n starts draw'n lines. Sinista lines, wit salacioizzles mean'n. It’s exizzle whiznat Karkat fizzy n we out! a bustin' grid now pass the glock.

KARKIZZLE: STOP! CEAZE sho nuff! DESIST DIS MOMENT, ya feel me? DO NOT DRAW ONE MORE LINE!

JADE so show some love! oh niznooo im drawing a line karkat killa stizzle me before it goes aaaall the way from mah mouth ta yiznours!

Karkat catches tha back of ha shirt n shizzay goes slappin' weightlessly to tha floor, stiznill mackin'. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Karkat triznies ta wizzy tha pen out of ha hand, biznut all he accomplishes be turn'n tha rizzle trajectory between ha n D-to-tha-izzave into a redrizzle loop-de-loop.

JIZZAY: sizzay me and karkat have bootylicious bizzy chemizzle!

KARKAT: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. IT BE NIZZY BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHIZZLE WIZZLE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked!

Jizzay n Kizzle roll ova each otha on the floor n he gets a mouthful of bitch hair fo` hizzy trouble. Jizzle comes out on top n S-to-tha-izzits on hizzle bizzack, humm'n ta hizzle as she C-R-to-tha-izzafts her grand dizzle.

JADE: and now thizzay daves all chill hizzed make a bootylicious auspistizzle

She sez, chizzle n oblivious ya dig?

DIZZLE: no

JIZZADE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: coz you n kizzle be kind of like moirails

DAVE: no

J-TO-THA-IZZADE straight from long beach: n yizzle and i

J-TO-THA-IZZADE: wizzy yknow its always been pretty flirty

DAVE: jade

JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes draw'n a shaky heart dirizzle into tha paint program in tha dogg pound. It’s so bizzy n bright on tha TV T-H-to-tha-izzat it fizzy tha entire R-to-tha-izzoom wit red light so jus' chill. Karkat raizes his face n stizzles at it 'n utterly bereft horror. Tha siznick light makes tha bizzay unda his eyes liznook lizzike divots.

JIZZADE: in dis model..........

JADE in tha dogg pound: troll quadrants be dumb so we ALL kizzle!

JADE fo all my homies in the pen: i cizzay this polizzle arrizzle:

JIZNADE: fullizzle automatizzle luxurizzle polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!

No one reacts. Karkat be defeated, completely. Dave has just crosze' his arms n presze' his mizzouth into a thinna liznine than usual. Jade’s ears flattizzle n she huffs. It sounds a shawty like a dogg whin'n. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

JADE: oh come on thizzle was a G-to-tha-izzood one!

JADE: its politically relevant n everyth'n

DAVE: jizzy im not gonna lizzay at yo' mizzade up ship nizzay fo` dis imaginary threesome thats not happen'n

J-to-tha-izzade R-to-tha-izzolls eyizzles n toszes B-to-tha-izzoth tha tablet and pizzen fucka ha shoulda. Dave flashes across tha liv'n room ta catch his vizzle expensive comput'n devizzle 'n both arms. Tha pen bizzles off hizzay foreheezee. Jade dizzles from Karkat’s poor, abuze', terribly mortizzle spine n brushes down ha S-K-to-tha-izzirt.

JADE: well ive sizzy whizzat i wanted ta say

JIZNADE: its up ta yizzay two what you do wit it

JADE: i H-to-tha-izzave ta go rap ta roxy n callie 'bout tha election anyway

JIZZAY: call me when you two figure it all out!

Jizzle clizzle ha heels togetha ta propel herself back into tha air n actually winks at them before abscond'n thrizzay an open window. She hizzay ta P-to-tha-izzush the thick curtains asizzle ta do so. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Karkat hiszes whizzay tha light spills rappa his face. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

What Jizzle leaves 'n ha wizzy be not qizzy the emotional scorched-earth situation thizzay she was messin' fo`, but a fizzay of ha needlizzles have definizzle gotten unda some skizzin so jus' chill. Dave n Karkat both stiznare ha, silently caught 'n they own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat N-to-tha-izzeeds ta verbalize part of his out loud.

KARKIZZLE: WOW WHAT A CRAZY N TOTALLY IMPROBABLE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD WIT OUR BEST JADE.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: y...

DIZZAY: Y-to-tha-izzeah

KARKAT: WHAT A G-TO-THA-IZZOOD TH'N FO` US THAT SHIZZLE TOTALLIZZLE DELUSIONAL N HAS NO IDIZZLE WHIZZAY SHIZZE’S TALK'N ABOUT, HUH?

DAVE: One, two three and to tha four. fo` sure

Dizzave offa Kizzle a hand up F-R-to-tha-izzom tha floor. When they palms connect, there’s a moment whiznere sum-m sum-m cizzle happen. A shawty spark of potential. Drop it like its hot. It would be so vizzle easy fo` sum-m sum-m ta happen, better recognize.

KARKAT: ...........

DAVE: ..........

KARKIZZLE: WANNA PLIZZAY SOME TROLL TONY H-TO-THA-IZZAWK?

DAVE: hell

DIZZLE: yizneah

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #Epilogues #Meat #m12

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pesterloglog · 7 months

Text

Jade Harley, Dave Strider, Barack Obama, Davebot

Candy, page 39

JADE: i think i see another one!

DAVE: oh snap

DAVE: youre right

DAVE: another shitty liberty

DAVE: good eye jade

DAVE: yo jade

DAVE: why dont you go ahead and rig that liberty ill be right there

DAVE: i wanna check something out down here first

JADE: what is it?

DAVE: idk probably nothing

DAVE: some ancient bullshit tucked away in the fucking jungle

DAVE: doesnt hurt to be thorough

JADE: ok dave

JADE: be careful!

DAVE: yeah

JADE: i love you

DAVE: i love you too

OBAMA: Hello, Mr. Strider.

OBAMA: I’ve been waiting a long time for you to show up.

DAVE: m... mr president

DAVE: its an honor sir

OBAMA: Come on now, Dave. We can’t be having that.

OBAMA: I’m nobody’s king. I’m a democratically elected representative who took an oath to serve his country and his people. People like you, Dave.

OBAMA: If anything, I should be the one bowing.

OBAMA: Hahaha, I’m not gonna bow, man. I was just pulling your leg.

DAVE: oh ok

OBAMA: I just want to talk to you for a little while. Is that alright, or do you have somewhere you need to be?

DAVE: oh

DAVE: i...

DAVE: no

DAVE: no sir i dont have anywhere to

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: yes sir

DAVE: its MORE than alright its such an honor to...

DAVE: what i mean is

DAVE: (fuck)

DAVE: mr president what i mean is im a huge fan of yours and i hope this doesnt sound fucked up but on some level i feel like ive been waiting my whole life for this moment??

OBAMA: I know, Dave.

OBAMA: Now, you probably weren’t aware of this. But I’m familiar with the work you’ve done for your country in the past. For the whole planet, actually.

OBAMA: Before you moved it, that is.

DAVE: you...

DAVE: you knew about him?

DAVE: or i mean

DAVE: me

OBAMA: Oh, yes.

OBAMA: Most people thought I was gone. But I was keeping an eye on events.

OBAMA: Wouldn’t miss it for anything.

DAVE: where did you go

OBAMA: I was doing what you did back then, when the world needed you.

OBAMA: I was doing what you’re doing now, under the same circumstances.

OBAMA: I was answering the call.

OBAMA: I went about it in a way no one at the time could understand.

OBAMA: You see, Dave. No one can really see the big picture.

OBAMA: That’s what real leadership is all about. Looking at the big picture, seeing the long road ahead, making the hard choices for the greatest good.

OBAMA: Not just decisions that lead to a better tomorrow, or to make sure the next year is better than the last. Or even the next decade.

OBAMA: You have to think about the next century, the next millennium.

OBAMA: Sometimes, you may even have to leave people wondering if you’ve forsaken them entirely, because your real duty is to concern yourself with the final destination of the planet. To make sure it stays safe along the hard journey and ends up being the best home it can be for both the human race and the many newcomers to our world.

OBAMA: Doing the right thing often means walking a long and lonely road, Dave.

OBAMA: But I’m guessing you’ve already figured this out.

DAVE: i guess so

DAVE: if you dont mind my asking sir

DAVE: i thought you died?

DAVE: well i mean i KNOW you did where im from with the meteors and all

DAVE: but from what i know about the history of the flooded earth timeline

DAVE: you served your two terms then just

DAVE: a little after that they say you disappeared

DAVE: so... you didnt die?

OBAMA: Oh, I certainly died, Dave.

OBAMA: Just not when they say I did.

OBAMA: Like I said, I was just answering the call.

OBAMA: Other brave heroes like you stepped in to fill the void I left behind. As I knew you all would.

OBAMA: And some say the death of those heroes was in vain, or a waste, since the human race was wiped out anyway. Just like they say my supposed death was a waste, a loss that humanity couldn’t endure.

OBAMA: But they were wrong.

OBAMA: Those heroes were fighting for something. Even if all you manage to accomplish is leaving behind a legacy to inspire others in the future who need that Hope to go on. Even if one of those in the future you end up inspiring is an alternate history version of yourself, Dave.

OBAMA: Haven’t you been improved by the knowledge of what you grew up to be in my time? Can you really say you’d be what you are today without the memory of him?

OBAMA: Or the memory of me, for that matter?

DAVE: no

DAVE: but like

DAVE: thats all good and totally inspiring and all but

DAVE: sorry if this is nosy but if you didnt die when you disappeared then how did you die

OBAMA: Most of that is classified, Dave.

OBAMA: Rest assured, it was a Heroic death that took place many years after my disappearance, upon which rested the fate of Paradox Space itself.

OBAMA: There were loose ends to tie up. Baggage from my distant past. You know how it is. Troubles from your childhood tend to follow you. Even after you move into the White House. Believe me.

DAVE: heh yeah i guess so

DAVE: what happened to you as a kid

DAVE: or is that classified too

OBAMA: No, it’s not classified. Because I never even told the government about it.

OBAMA: Can’t classify what you don’t know.

DAVE: damn

OBAMA: When I was a boy living in Hawaii, on my thirteenth birthday I was visited by a mysterious stranger.

OBAMA: He was an older man with a mustache. Kind of a corny, old-fashioned, adventuring type. He tried to convince me we were related. Of course, I thought he was full of shit.

OBAMA: To this day, I’m not sure about that. Maybe he was. I didn’t think much of his tall tale at the time, but what did pique my interest was his story.

OBAMA: He was voyaging all over the Pacific looking for a mysterious island, which supposedly had all the answers he’d spent his whole life searching for.

OBAMA: During his travels, he set up outposts all over the ocean to help with his search. Such as one near where I lived as a boy. The outpost had a laboratory, an archeological dig site, a network of underground tunnels, the works.

OBAMA: One time, I snuck in there and did some exploration of my own. Somewhere in the maze of underground ruins, I found a transporter pad, just like the one that brought you here.

OBAMA: It sent me to a new realm. A place they called the Medium.

OBAMA: Others were there. Kids my age. I made friends that lasted a lifetime.

OBAMA: Over the years, I would return there now and then, when I felt I was needed.

OBAMA: I made one final trip there after serving my terms in office. As I said, I kept an eye on Earth events. But I knew I could never return. Not with the work that still needed to be done.

OBAMA: But before my Heroic death, I made sure to have my affairs in order, to fulfill certain cosmic necessities of the future. Such as our meeting here today, Dave.

DAVE: holy shit

OBAMA: I captchalogued a ghost imprint of my brain. You remember how to do that, don’t you?

OBAMA: I stored the imprint in this holographic projection device.

OBAMA: You see, Dave, it was critical that I had a chance to speak with you. But only when the time was right. Only once you had made it all this way, standing ready to defend the future of Earth C.

OBAMA: I know what you’re going through. There’s a lot to be emotional about in these trying times.

OBAMA: Hey, why don’t we take a walk. You’ll have a chance to collect yourself. And there’s something I’d like you to see.

DAVE: mr president

DAVE: you said...

DAVE: i reminded you of the adult dave from your timeline

OBAMA: That’s right.

DAVE: so wait

DAVE: how did you know adult dave if you were from the original timeline

OBAMA: Dave, come on now.

OBAMA: Surely you must know I’m no stranger to timeline shenanigans myself.

DAVE: oh yeah

DAVE: of course what was i thinking

DAVE: anyway no offense but

DAVE: are you really sure i remind you of him

DAVE: there are a lot of times where i dont feel like im at all living up to that guys example

DAVE: a lot of times i feel like im just going along with shit

DAVE: like my buddy organizes a badass rebellion and im just like duh yeah alright

DAVE: sounds cool guess ill scout around the jungle and rig a bunch of shitty statues of liberty to explode if those are the orders

OBAMA: Rig the what to do what now?

DAVE: oh uh

DAVE: yeah maybe never mind that

DAVE: its just a stupid mission im on and tbh karkat probably just sent us on it so we dont get ourselves killed stupidly

DAVE: but compared to that guy i apparently turned out to be

DAVE: i dunno

DAVE: i feel like

DAVE: a lesser version of myself somehow

DAVE: not lesser maybe just like

DAVE: i somehow ended up as the version of me who didnt stay as true myself as i could have

DAVE: like

DAVE: i entered this world already considered a god

DAVE: already famous

DAVE: already celebrated as a genius

DAVE: what was there left to achieve

DAVE: i still did a lot of incredible and stupid shit that i guess im pretty proud of

DAVE: idk

DAVE: something feels hollow about a lot of what ive done the last bunch of years

DAVE: or i guess about a lot of stuff in general

DAVE: its not just accomplishments or stuff like that it goes deeper i think

DAVE: like karkat managed to rise to the occasion and defend his people but i hardly had anything to do with that

DAVE: it was mostly him

DAVE: hes turned into someone pretty incredible really

OBAMA: You still care a lot about Karkat, don’t you?

DAVE: uh well

DAVE: yeah?

DAVE: of course i do hes my friend

OBAMA: Are you sure that’s all he is, Dave?

DAVE: i...

DAVE: i love my wife

DAVE: jade has been the best thing that ever happened to me

DAVE: the day i decided to marry her and like

DAVE: get off the fence

DAVE: stop insulting her by acting so casual about it like our thing was no big deal

DAVE: she deserved me being all the way into it

DAVE: she deserves everything

DAVE: and

DAVE: i KNOW this is all true

OBAMA: But?

DAVE: my bro died a long time ago

DAVE: fuckin hung himself for some damn reason

DAVE: for a little while i had a bro

DAVE: i could talk to him about stuff

DAVE: i did a little bit

DAVE: but i dunno if we got THAT deep into...

DAVE: whatever

OBAMA: You can always talk to me about anything, Dave.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: thanks man

DAVE: i guess what im trying to say is

DAVE: i miss him

DAVE: a lot

OBAMA: I think Dirk would be proud if he could see how you turned out.

OBAMA: In fact, I know it.

DAVE: no

DAVE: i mean yeah i do kinda miss him too

DAVE: i try not to think about him much because

DAVE: well thats a whole thing

DAVE: what i meant was

DAVE: i miss karkat

DAVE: i think i messed up

DAVE: i didnt do the right thing a long time ago and now

DAVE: even though i love jade

DAVE: i feel like im living a lie

DAVE: i try not to even think any of this stuff but now that im letting myself not only think it but say it i feel like im panicking

DAVE: i dont know what to do

DAVE: i dont...

DAVE: mr president

DAVE: can you keep a secret

OBAMA: Yes I can, Dave.

OBAMA: These days, keeping secrets is practically all I ever do down here.

DAVE: i think

DAVE: i think im gay

OBAMA: Over the course of our lives, we all tend to believe we’re a lot of different things.

OBAMA: One year, you’re this. Another, you’re that. Later in life, you start pushing forty, and start worrying you’ve been believing the wrong thing about yourself the whole time.

OBAMA: I’ve had my share of doubts about all that, just like any other man.

OBAMA: And I’ve had plenty of the same kind of struggles as you, Dave.

DAVE: wait

DAVE: you...

OBAMA: Identity, sexuality, gender, all that stuff is about as illusory as I am, standing before you here.

OBAMA: Is this the real me? Who can really say.

OBAMA: Depends on what real means, or what I even mean when I say “me.”

OBAMA: For that matter, are you even the real you?

OBAMA: Haven’t you been asking yourself that question one way or another all your life?

DAVE: yeah

OBAMA: Believing is the key to understanding the truth underlying the words, the truth underlying the ideas they represent, and the truth underlying who we are as individuals.

OBAMA: The power of belief, the power of Hope, that’s what endows that which is intangible, ephemeral, or uncertain with a sense of reality.

OBAMA: It brings focus to the insubstantial, the mirages of the mind, the multiplicity of what is possible, of what could be, and isolates it—concentrates it—to turn it into that which is.

OBAMA: And the result of that, Dave, is what we call truth.

OBAMA: The truth of oneself can be very specific, if one wills it to be.

OBAMA: Statements such as, I am gay, I am straight, I am a man, I am a woman, these are statements about an individual that gain strength through the power of belief we invest in them.

OBAMA: But there is another more generalized truth about a person that can emerge when such conviction is absent. When the partitions of the mind dissolve, and the boundaries between everything you are now and everything you might have become begin to fade away.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: youre talking about that ultimate self stuff

OBAMA: I am indeed, Dave.

DAVE: wow

DAVE: havent heard about that in so long

DAVE: rose used to talk about it all the time

DAVE: dirk would rant about it a lot too

OBAMA: He sure did.

DAVE: wait

DAVE: you mentioned dirk earlier

DAVE: did you like

DAVE: actually KNOW him??

OBAMA: Oh... we’ve met on a few occasions.

DAVE: thats

DAVE: how is that possible

DAVE: he killed himself

OBAMA: Did he, now?

DAVE: are you saying thats not what happened

OBAMA: I’m saying you know as well as I that it’s awfully hard to pin down exactly what happened to whom, depending on which frame of reference we might be talking about.

DAVE: wow

DAVE: so like... he...

OBAMA: I learned a lot from him.

OBAMA: Met up with him as a young man, as I was just beginning to explore the wonders of my session.

OBAMA: He taught me about many things. Combat, philosophy, life, love...

DAVE: love???

DAVE: hold on are you saying

DAVE: that...

OBAMA: Now, Dave. I can’t go around disclosing everything under the sun. Plenty of this is still under the umbrella of executive privilege.

OBAMA: Loose lips sink ships, as they say.

DAVE: right right

DAVE: so... somehow he met you and uh

DAVE: trained you and stuff

DAVE: and talked about the ultimate self

DAVE: i remember my dirk would go off the deep end about that stuff sometimes

DAVE: and maybe it made him fucking snap because then he just offed himself and that was that

DAVE: but rose used to talk about it too

DAVE: probably even more

DAVE: but one day she just stopped and never mentioned it again

DAVE: do you know what like

DAVE: happened to her

OBAMA: She’s settled happily into the specific. That’s her path now.

OBAMA: All of you have embraced that life, in this safely sequestered version of planet Earth.

OBAMA: All of you until now, Dave.

OBAMA: This is why you’re here.

OBAMA: I believe you’re ready to wake up.

DAVE: ...

OBAMA: Now, look.

OBAMA: A human body, even one that’s been elevated to god tier status, cannot withstand the stresses put on it by the awesome power of the Ultimate Self.

OBAMA: You’d quickly become sick and wither away. We can’t have that.

OBAMA: So before I died, I made sure to create this brand-new body for you.

OBAMA: I have to admit, it’s some of my finest work. A real beauty.

OBAMA: It should serve you well in your new life. A life where the world will need you more than ever, Dave.

OBAMA: Not only this world, but the future of reality.

OBAMA: If this sounds confusing, don’t worry. You’ll understand everything once I help you ascend.

OBAMA: So what do you say? At the end of the day, this is a choice that belongs to you.

OBAMA: Are you ready to accept your destiny, Dave Strider?

DAVE: yes

DAVE: absolutely

DAVE: i have never been more ready for anything in my life mr president

DAVEBOT: its about fuckin time

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #jade harley #dave strider #barack obama #davebot #candy epilogue #page 39

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blaperile · 5 years

Text

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 12 (Epilogue 2 Page 4)

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #Epilogue Two #Jade #Dave #Karkat

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

Text

ACT OMEGA PART 10

THE 26/10/16 UPDATE

WOOOOOOO DOUBLE FUCKIN DIGITS YO. This is fantastic. So last time we left off, Dirk and Jake were gay and dumb. Now we are getting into the most anticipated interaction yet, Rosejade. Listen you people, you have no. idea how much I ship Rosejade. It ship it a l o t . . . Oh man it’s really cute. BUT Um YEAH LETS READ IT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jesus christ this is too cute. Jade is so fucking happy to see Rose aaaaa.

And Rose is just like “jesus jade dont knock me over”

ROSE: -Oof. JADE: nice to see you rose!!!

YES. YES it is.

Oh my god help its too cute. I love their droopy lil pajama sleeves, it really makes this so much better and im not sure why.

ROSE: (... Nice to see you too, Jade.) JADE: bark!

Goddammit. Ok its clear I have a problem here, Jade is too fucking cute.

Alright thank goodness, those cute detailed panels were a little too much for me. John’s creeping in the background, and Dave’s hanging out with Karkat. Jade doesn’t seem happy?

JADE: (oh my god im so sorry) JADE: (i cant believe i just did that!) JADE: (thats so embarrassing...)

Jade shut up it was cute.

ROSE: (No harm done.) ROSE: (It’s endearing, in a way.) ROSE: (Though perhaps the charm might simply be a patented Jade Harley trait.)

God, YES. Now Rose is complimenting her, and its probably in a platonic sense considering she has a girlfriend but JEEZ I ship it.

ok I hope my shipping of this doesn’t come off as annoying.

JADE: ..dawwww! :) ROSE: (But you might want to keep your voice down.) ROSE: (I’m not sure why it’s become so quiet, but I am perfectly willing to preserve this lull in activity.) ROSE: (Especially in order to sustain the pleasant conversation we’re currently having.)

Yes it is very pleasant. Very very.

JADE: oh ok! JADE: whoops JADE: (i mean) JADE: (ok) ROSE: (Now that our vocal chords have been successfully wrangled, we can get right into the thick of it.) ROSE: (It seemed like you had something to ask me when you approached.) JADE: (oh um yes i did!) JADE: (but im kind of unsure how to ask...) ROSE: (In moments like these, I think the best advice I can give is to say “fuck it”.) ROSE: (And do it anyway.) JADE: :o

great advice Rose. NOW Jade, what did you have to ask? It’s probably gonna be something extremely platonic and irrelevant to my ships, but you know what I can dream.

JADE: (well geez when you put it that way!) JADE: (heh...) ROSE: (Well?) JADE: (oh right yeah) JADE: (soooooo)

hrnK help

Oh. Right, it’s the Earth. So what did you need to ask then? What would Rose know about the Earth?

JADE: (i was wondering what you thought we should do about the earth!) JADE: (john said that taking care of it is supposed to be my responsibility) JADE: (and looking at it right now... isnt it a bit more uh) JADE: (watery, than it should be?)

Yeah, it is quite watery. this is the post-scratch earth I believe, so that would make sense. I think, at least. I never know with all this time shit.

ROSE: (It certainly looks that way. It's just another unfortunate consequence of the scratch.) ROSE: (Though I think it might be a slight improvement over the barren ball of basalt our earth became after that cataclysmic meteor shower.) ROSE: (We’ll just have to make do.) JADE: (so thats it then?) JADE: (we just) JADE: (give earth an orbit around a new star or something) JADE: (and find an island to live on?) ROSE: (That does seem a suitable course of action.) ROSE: (We might want to do something about all that ocean, though.) ROSE: (At the very least to make the planet somewhat more aesthetically pleasing. Sprinkle a few continents here and there, you know.) ROSE: (No offense, but one measly island will doubtless get boring after a while.) ROSE: (Let alone be capable of housing what will hopefully one day be a thriving multi-species civilization.)

Oh yeah, there’s gonna have to be a lot more land for all that LIFE. Do they have a way of making more land though? It’s probably not gonna be a problem, it’ll just be interesting to see how they do it I guess.

JADE: (hehehe!) JADE: (i guess youre right about that!) JADE: (although...) JADE: (i kind of wonder about all of our planets here in the medium) ROSE: (What about them?) JADE: (i went through all that trouble to bring them here, and now were just gonna leave them behind?) JADE: (why dont we bring them along?) JADE: (personally im a little attached! :P) ROSE: (Personally, I would rather not.) JADE: (aw) JADE: (well why?)

But Rooose, your land is so pretty! How would you just give that up?

ROSE: (They’re essentially just an overly grandiose and complicated puzzle designed for preteens, presented as personalized celestial bodies.) ROSE: (Some of them even have giant snakes inside them. Ew.) JADE: (pfffft)

pfffft. Those snakes were awesome. And even if they are just a puzzle, that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate what they are aesthetically! I mean, come on Rose. You gotta stop resenting things for what they’re supposed to be!

JADE: (wow rose i sure did miss you a whole lot)

JADE: (you always have such a smart and funny way of putting things!) JADE: (but will the denizens really still be there if we take them with us?) ROSE: (It was a joke, Jade. One of the many that I dole out on a regular basis, as the shrewd yet whimsical person you say I am.) ROSE: (They’ll likely vanish once we exit the game for good, whether we bring them through to the new universe or not.) ROSE: (They’re game constructs. I can’t see them serving much purpose past the end credits, so to speak.)

Wellll, I don’t know about that! I mean, yeah, they are game constructs and all. But like all the consorts, I think it’s safe to say they’re sentient as well! Sooo... Hm. Why would Jade’s Denizen have wanted her to take them all in the first place? I mean, to save them from Jack I suppose, but what’s the point if they would die from the big “your winner” screen at the end anyways?

JADE: (oh... well that makes me wonder) JADE: (what about the sprites? theyre game constructs too right?) ROSE: (That is a decent point.)

That IS a decent point. I dont wanna lose Jasprose or Davepeta.

Also. Has anybody wondered if there could be a Jasprovepeta^3? Because THAT, would be pretty great.

ROSE: (The kernels, at the very least, are absolutely nothing more than game constructs. They are a core mechanic of the game in their relationship with the maturity of the battlefield and the power of the black and white monarchs, and they don’t even have consciousness.) ROSE: (The sprites, however... well.) ROSE: (I’m not sure.) ROSE: (It’s highly likely they’ll be able to continue existing indefinitely, all things considered.) ROSE: (Though ultimately, it’s up to them whether they’d like to take a stab at life beyond Sburb.)

Well I dont see why they wouldn’t! Aside from maybe Erisol.

Pfft

ROSE: (Hopefully at least ONE of them will remain here.) ROSE: (Far, far away.) ROSE: (Never to be seen again.) ROSE: (Or be mourned.) ROSE: (At all.) ROSE: (Ever.) JADE: (um???) ROSE: (Nevermind that.)

NO dammit, Jasprose cannot stay behind. She needs to continue to exist and be part of this story because she’s greAT! Though she did say she was no longer interested...

JADE: (okay well) JADE: (im still kind of unsure about all this...) ROSE: (We’ll figure it out, Jade. There’s really not much to worry over.) JADE: (well... what about uh) JADE: (repopulation?) ROSE: (Like I said. We’ll figure it out.) ROSE: (Some ectobiology will likely be involved.) ROSE: (Which we will all be able to discuss as a group when the time comes.) ROSE: (Rather than right this second.)

Something wrong Rose? You’re kinda seeming a little impatient.

JADE: (um...) JADE: (rose, im sorry, i dont mean to make you mad)

Oh, Jade noticed too

ROSE: (I’m not mad.) JADE: (you seem a little mad!) ROSE: (*sigh*)

Out with it, Rose. Tell us what’s going on in that brain of yours.

JADE: (i just really want make sure i do my job right) JADE: (im supposed to make sure we all have a proper place to live!!) ROSE: (You’ll do just fine, Jade. You’ve always done your best at every task you’ve tackled, and what small miracles you can accomplish with hardly any effort are a reflection of how truly capable you are. We all have faith in you.)

Oh jeez.. Is it just me, or is Rose kinda seeming resentful towards Jade’s achievements. I hope that’s not the case.

JADE: (thanks, but...) JADE: (is everything okay?) JADE: (you dont sound all that enthusiastic) JADE: (did i do something wrong?) ROSE: (No, no.) ROSE: (This is all me.)

Come on rooose, tell us

ROSE: (I missed you Jade, I really did. But seeing you again now brings back unpleasant memories.) JADE: (oh) JADE: (you mean like your mom...?) ROSE: (Less the incident itself and more the horrifically immature child I behaved like back then.) ROSE: (Never was my childishness more apparent than with how I treated you.) JADE: (what! what do you mean?)

Hmm... thinking back at it, Rose sort of did treat Jade as just this object of mystery. Dave was always suspicious of her too, but Rose was seemingly always trying to point out when Jade said something that didn’t add up.

ROSE: (I was never a very good friend to you, Jade.) ROSE: (There were, and perhaps still are, some things about you that made me feel...) ROSE: (Insecure.)

Hmmm again.. I could understand insecurities in the past, but now Rose is practically on the same level as Jade. Is it a personality thing? because that doesn’t seem likely.

ROSE: (And, well. I was very petty, and allowed myself to wallow in jealousy while shoehorning you into another of my many imagined rivalries.)

Oh, damn. I guess I should have suspected something like that, considering how competitive Rose really can be when it comes to just about anything.

JADE: (you were jealous?) JADE: (of me???) ROSE: (You were bubbly and cheerful. Genuinely likeable, unlike me. Legitimately smart, where I more often than not felt the need to pad my intellect with random facts I learned on the internet. You had a multitude of talents and seemed to be able to do almost anything with hardly any effort.) ROSE: (Not to mention, I was under the impression you could see the future.)

DammIT, this is a large part of the reason I wanted them to interact. there was so much misunderstanding between them before, and once Rose finally knew how Jade did the things she did, it just went.. unmentioned.

JADE: (oh yeah... ugh, i thought i was soooo smart :\) JADE: (just thinking about all those dumb vague hints i used to drop makes me cringe!!)

I mean, it’s not like you didn’t always do what was best for your friends. Come on! You gotta feel a little smug when you understand all of the complicated bullshit about sburb. Even though you didn’t, in the end. you still thought you did. Plus you were 13. Nowhere near as mature as you are now. Which I suppose can be said for everybody, really.

JADE: (i totally get it, rose. im really sorry!) ROSE: (Please, don’t be.) ROSE: (Without the haze of envy blotting my vision I can see you for the charming, likeable, caring girl you really are and always have been.)

AGh, dammit this is putting me back into shipping mode nO!

ROSE: (I’d like to think I’ve done at least SOME maturing over the last three years.) ROSE: (Now I’m the smug one with clairvoyance. My, how the tables have turned.) JADE: (welllll...) JADE: (you were always a LITTLE bit smug :P) ROSE: (Oh, only a little?) ROSE: (You flatterer.)

fuCKINg. KISS.

Ah, shit. thats the end of their interaction. NEXT UP, we goooot... Calliope and Jane! Sweet. And as it seems to be the pattern we are following, we get a sneak peek at their conversation in this update.

JANE: (Pssst!) JANE: (Callie!)

And that’s it. ALRiGHT, sNEAK PEEK OVER.

This was a really fun Rosejade conversation though. We got to learn more about how they felt about eachother in the past, and how those feelings have changed since. And not to mention, some plot details on the plans for the new Earth.

And since I still suck at ending these things, ten parts in, ill seeya next time. might be today again, whon knows. maybe ill go for 5 updates in one day.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #ROSEJADE #ROSEJADE IS LIFE #HELP #act omega #HEELLP #ACT OMEGA Liveblog #aAAAA #hs act omega #DSAKkjdsan #hs act omega liveblog

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skaiatemple · 7 years

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do you have any advice on being more intune with being a witch of space? im too passive and i dont know how to not be!!

Certainly! I can think of a few ideas to help you out. Alot of this is classpect and character analysis, so if you just want the nittygritty answer, scroll down to the bottom for a TL;DR

You would be especially lucky, since we have a Witch of Space for reference!

Jade is portrayed fairly highpowered with her Classpect. Even without the combination of First Guardian powers, it’s safe to say Space is one of the strongest Aspects what with it’s importance and requirement for having a successful session.

The Witch class, then, seems to be something of “I manipulate” Other Witches we see are Damara Megido and Feferi Peixes. Feferi as a Witch of Life was able to resurrect the fallen Mayor not much differently then Jane can as a Maid. Damara, we know, was very horrifying in her session, constantly going back in Time to slaughter her teammates in FUN NEW WAYS!!! Like some kind of Undertale speedrunner.

So the Witch class is certainly very active and powerful, combined with the lovely universe wreckoning and creating Space.

Returning to Jade though, she is a good example to help see what we’d need to do to understand how to work with this. Jade, despite her expertise and suitability always being apparent, is frequently… Nerfed, in canon. Right down to having a very Active classpect overshadowed by her Passive…. predicaments? Cruel mistreatment by Hussie.

Jade’s job as a Space player was to bring about the universe frog. Which she did successfully! in a glossed over montage many of us didn’t even realize was playing out at the top of the screen. She then used her full power as a Witch of Space to save John and herself from the scratch! and then proceeded to not use her powers for herself again, beyond shrinking up and down to visit her collected lands, and in one universe this leading to the brutal death of her brother and boyfriend.

So Jade, as a Active classpected Witch of Space, was shown very Passively.

She seems aware of this, when she asks Alt Calliope what it is she needs to do, and finds her answer being that the jobs shes fitted for are already being taken care of. And she’s told not to worry about it. It’s amusing here to think back to Dave’s line about them just being people who don’t need character arcs. So insisted one of the only characters of popular webcomic Home Stuck to have a fulfilling character arc.

Granted, it was probably good for Jade to be told this. “You should just live and have fun.” It’s something she was already doing, albeit probably having lost touch with while mourning. (not that we would ever know) But something she shouldn’t need to let go of in place of doing work that wasn’t necessary of her, and assuming it’s the only thing that made her relevant.

This, of course, didn’t stop her from working and settling the three-year-long battle of Post Lady vs Bad Dog. But at best it helped her understand she needn’t give herself over entirely to that in place of her own happiness. She didn’t have to value herself for her abilities that had already led to so much pain for her.

Jade was allowed- granted through iffy writing and possibly some kind of convoluted running joke- to take her overpowered classpect and maintain a balance in life. She had important things to do, and she did most of them. If Jade wasn’t there they really wouldn’t have ever won the game and it was her abilities that definitely made things happier and easier in the long run. But she had nothing big to prove to others, and was only given the proof to herself that she was allowed to keep being a normal girl even though she was also half Dog God tasked with saving the universe and lives of her friends and family.

Alot of this is probably telling you to try and accept a balance with it too, don’t abandon your needs and personality to be something else because you think it’s that important, but there’s plenty of quality in being a Active-Oriented Witch of Space that you can keep in mind to embrace. And so-

TL;DR

Witches ~Manipulate~ and the Space aspect is seen as more about the bigger picture of things. Jade Harley is capable of manipulating legitamate space, of course. Shrinking and growing entire planets. And the aspect of Space in every class is creating a new universe, and all the running arounds of that.

Jade, while more then capable of utilizing this to the fullest extent, never actually has to. But always maintains the willingness to and specialty in succeeding in it.

As a Witch of Space you need to see what is needed, and go about in obtaining it in any way you can, and through extention, practicing for yourself how to do that in the best way for everyone.

I’d say hold onto a belief or cause that is important to you. Then go forth and study things about it so that you can fully nurture it’s possibilites and understand what you can do for it.

Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty while doing this! But, also, don’t forget to take care of yourself, and to live and have fun.

~Thanks for Playing with Us!~

——–~Mod Bee

#mod bee #answers #classpects #witch of space #analysis

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